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#but today something just made me want to cry
kayewrite · 2 days
Text
At the same time, I wanna hug you
(...I wanna wrap my hands around your neck)
seungmin x reader!! enemies to lovers troupe!! genre; fluff. word count: 10.7k (long but still not enough)
summary; if you have teleportation powers you would bring seungmin in the middle of ocean and dump him there. that's how much you hated him. but wait.. why he was suddenly cool?
an: you dont know how much i went crazy seeing seungmin in uniform! like babe! why are my classmate not like him? and.. this was a birthday present cause this man just turn half 50 minus 1!! anyways enjoy reading
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Kim Seungmin.
You hated that very name.
You hated his existence.
You hated his smirk.
You hated that he breathes.
You hated how he never failed to make your blood boil.
Like now.
You were practically crawling into the classroom, late again, knowing full well the teacher wasn’t going to let it slide this time. Slowly and quietly, you slipped through the back door, hoping to go unnoticed, but your hopes were dashed when Kim Seungmin turned in his seat and caught your eye. His face slowly morphed into that all-too-familiar smirk.
You already knew your fate.
"Ma'am, someone’s late again."
You clenched your fists, resisting the urge to punch him as the teacher ordered you to stand and endure a scolding. You stood there, bowing your head like a guilty child while Seungmin chuckled at your misery.
You hated him. You hated him so much you wished for teleportation powers—just so you could dump him in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and teleport back home.
The worst part? You were seatmates. In the one subject that made you contemplate dropping the class every week just to escape him. But no, you wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. You’d endure, just so he wouldn’t win.
"Why were you late again?" he leaned over, asking in the most casual, condescending way possible.
“None of your business,” you rolled your eyes and shifted your chair further away from him.
“Actually, it is my business.” He smirked again, lifting the attendance sheet. “I’m in charge of marking who’s here today, and guess what? I don’t see your name yet. Got a good excuse for me?”
Damn.
You glared at him, wishing your stare could send him straight to the hospital. “I hate you.”
“Oh, I love you too,” he teased, laughing at your frustration.
--
You were minding your own business, erasing the board, when out of nowhere, a crumpled piece of paper hit you square on the head. Annoyed, you turned sharply, searching for the culprit. Your eyes quickly landed on Kim Seungmin, who very obviously averted his gaze and started whistling—like that wasn’t the biggest giveaway ever.
Glaring at him, you felt your temper rise. Without thinking twice, you grabbed the nearest weapon of choice—the chalkboard eraser—and hurled it with full force.
"Hey—!" Seungmin barely had time to react, his hands flying up to shield himself. The eraser still hit him, sending a cloud of chalk dust everywhere.
Minutes later, there he was, sitting in the clinic, sulking like he’d been gravely injured. You stood over him, arms crossed, rolling your eyes at the ridiculous situation.
“You’re such a kid,” you teased, watching as he winced dramatically. “Crying over a tiny little scratch.”
He glared at you, clutching his arm like he’d survived a battle. “Tiny? You nearly broke my arm!”
You smirked, “If I wanted to break your arm, Seungmin, I wouldn’t have used an eraser.”
You and Seungmin fought like kids, constantly bickering and annoying each other to the point where even your classmates didn’t bother stepping in anymore. They’d seen you two nearly throw punches at each other too many times to care.
One day in the cafeteria, you were finally enjoying a moment of peace, savoring your lunch, when Seungmin suddenly plopped down in front of you. He smiled, but there was something odd about it. Well, Seungmin was always odd, but this felt extra weird. He wasn’t even touching his food; he just sat there, staring at you.
"What are you looking at, ugly?" you asked, scowling.
He leaned back casually. "My friends are coming, and we're sitting at this table. It’s up to you if you wanna leave or not."
You blinked, taken aback. "What?! I got here first!"
"Yeah, well," he shrugged nonchalantly, "I don’t care."
Before you could argue further, the cafeteria exploded with noise. His friends had arrived—there was no mistaking it. They were loud, famous, and had an almost cult-like following at school. You could practically hear the high-pitched squeals from the “fandom” as they entered. Without even turning around, you knew it was them.
Your frustration mounted as they surrounded the table, chattering loudly. You weren’t exactly fond of crowds, for that matter. Sitting there, sandwiched between Seungmin and his friends, you felt like a deer caught in headlights.
Hyunjin—yes, that Hyunjin—suddenly leaned over, flashing a bright smile. "Hey, what’s your name?"
You nearly choked on your food. Of course, the universe had to pick this moment to be cruel. Before you could respond, Seungmin cut in with a smug grin.
"She’s no one. Don’t mind her," he said, not even sparing you a glance.
Your face flushed with embarrassment and annoyance. You stood up abruptly, knocking over your chair. "I’ve suddenly lost my appetite," you muttered awkwardly before storming off, desperately trying to escape the humiliation.
Why does this always happen to me? you groaned internally. I hate Seungmin. And I hate myself for embarrassing myself in front of my crush… Hyunjin.
If I see that KIM SEUNGMIN later, I’m going to kill him.
Later in class, your chance for revenge came. Seungmin was called on for an oral recitation, and—poetic justice—he stood there, stuttering and completely clueless. You couldn’t help but laugh under your breath as he floundered, finally getting a taste of the embarrassment he loved dishing out.
Justice had never tasted so sweet.
---
"I hope lightning strikes him," you muttered, glaring at Seungmin from a distance as you hugged yourself, shivering from the cold. You were stuck in a waiting shed, the afternoon bringing with it a torrential downpour that looked like the start of a typhoon. The weather had been perfect this morning—sunny, with not a cloud in sight. You'd made the mistake of leaving your umbrella at home, thinking it would only weigh down your bag. Now, you regretted every bit of that decision.
Across the street, Seungmin stood dry under his big, obnoxiously bright umbrella, almost laughing as he caught sight of you. His smug grin was practically glowing, and as if to rub salt in the wound, he waved at you.
You flipped him the finger.
‘When will his time come?’ you wondered bitterly. Why am I always the one who ends up miserable?
The shed's roof was doing a terrible job of keeping the rain out. Water dripped from all angles, splashing around you and soaking your clothes. You glanced up at the leaky ceiling and groaned. When will this stop? you thought—both about the rain and Seungmin.
If the two of you were friends, and if he weren’t the spawn of Lucifer himself, you might’ve swallowed your pride and asked to share his umbrella. Your house was literally just a block away. But no! You would not—under any circumstances—lower yourself to envy his dry, smug self.
You would never give him the satisfaction. Even if it meant sitting here the whole night, soaked and miserable.
Seungmin started walking toward you, his big umbrella swaying with each step. He stopped in front of you with the most annoyingly sarcastic smile.
"You wanna share?" he asked, eyes twinkling with amusement.
You rolled your eyes. "No thanks."
"You sure? The news said the rain’s stopping… tomorrow."
"Even if it never stops for a whole week, Kim Seungmin, I would never!" you snapped, glaring at him.
He raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying your misery. "You sure? Last chance."
"Yes!" you practically shouted, arms crossed in defiance.
"Okay." He shrugged, stepping back. "One word is enough for me."
And with that, he turned on his heel and continued on his way, leaving you alone in the rain.
"I won’t regret it!" you yelled after him, though your voice sounded far less confident than before.
Ten minutes later, you were drenched and shivering, cursing under your breath. Regret started to creep in. You glanced down the road—completely empty. Not a single taxi in sight.
"Where are all the taxis when I need them?" you groaned, looking up at the dark, stormy sky.
And so, your day ended just as it began: with Seungmin somehow managing to ruin it.
--
It was Friday, and your first class of the day happened to be the one where your seatmate was none other than him.
Determined not to be late, you arrived twenty minutes early. The classroom was nearly empty, with only a handful of students scattered around. Feeling groggy, you slumped over your desk, letting the quiet atmosphere lull you into a light nap.
Of course, peace never lasted long when Seungmin was involved.
A sharp knock on your desk pulled you from the brink of sleep. You cracked one eye open to see Seungmin settling into the seat beside you, a smug grin already plastered on his face.
"Oh, you’re early today. Were you looking forward to sitting next to me?" he teased, leaning back comfortably as if he hadn't just ruined your peaceful moment.
"It’s still early, Kim Seungmin," you muttered, closing your eyes again. Not today, you thought. You weren’t going to let him ruin your morning. Not this early.
He glanced at his watch with a chuckle. "Well, it’s 10 a.m., and that’s not exactly early, is it?"
"Seungmin, if you’re bored and looking to annoy someone, talk to my hand." Without even opening your eyes, you lazily raised your hand in his direction, palm out.
Just then, Yuna, who sat in front of you, arrived. She took one look at the two of you, eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Why are you guys always fighting the moment you see each other?"
You opened one eye, giving her a pleading look. "Can you please let him annoy you instead?"
Yuna just laughed. "Oh, Seungmin wouldn’t annoy anyone else but you." She gave you a knowing smile. "He likes you."
Your eyes shot open at her words, and you squinted at Seungmin, who was now smirking as if he knew exactly how to get under your skin. "Yeah, likes to annoy me," you huffed, narrowing your eyes in suspicion.
Seungmin shrugged, leaning in a little closer just to provoke you. "Well, yeah, I like it sooo much," he laughed, clearly amused by your reaction.
Yuna, now used to your bickering, just shrugged and turned her attention to the front of the classroom, leaving you to deal with him.
You let out a sigh, hoping that Seungmin would leave you alone for at least a minute. "Is there any chance you’ll be quiet today?"
He pretended to think for a moment. "Hmm, nope."
You groaned, dropping your head back onto your desk. "Why do you even sit next to me?"
"Fate," he said casually, glancing over as if he hadn’t just said the most ridiculous thing ever.
You shot him a disbelieving look. "What?"
"It’s fate," he repeated with a smirk. "Out of all the seats in this entire classroom, I ended up next to you. Don’t you think that means something?"
"Yeah, it means I’m cursed."
He laughed, the sound annoyingly cheerful, and leaned in closer. "Maybe, or maybe you’re just lucky to have me next to you."
"Lucky isn’t the word I’d use."
Before he could respond, the classroom started filling up, and the teacher finally arrived. You sent a silent prayer of thanks, hoping class would be a break from Seungmin’s endless teasing.
“…you will do this assignment by pairs. To speed things up, partner with your seatmate.”
It was nothing new to be stuck with your enemy, but when you realized that the activity involved a short roleplay drama, you felt a surge of panic. Acting alongside him was nowhere on your bucket list of things to do—if you even had a bucket list.
“Maam, can I exchange my partner?” you raised your hand, desperation evident in your voice.
“Ouch, you hurt my feelings!” Seungmin clutched his chest dramatically, feigning offense.
“What’s wrong with your partner?” the teacher asked, raising an eyebrow.
Sometimes you wondered why everyone seemed to love this annoying dog sitting next to you.
With no choice left, you begrudgingly held the script with a scowl. When would you ever have a peaceful day in class? Why did you have to pretend to be in love with this guy?
“Come on, read your line!” Seungmin demanded, his annoyance bubbling over.
Of all the choices in your teacher's fishbowl, you’d drawn the romantic scene everyone praying not to get. You would have preferred a horror script over this.
“I don’t want to!” you protested, crossing your arms defiantly.
“Well, you have to! It’s your fault for picking it!” he shot back, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
“I told you to pick it!” you replied, frustration mounting.
“And then I’d be the one to blame? We don’t have a choice but to do well.” He leaned back, crossing his arms smugly.
“Ugh! I hate you so much!” you exclaimed, slumping back in your seat.
“Well, you have to love me now.” He chuckled, clearly enjoying your misery.
“What did I do in my past life to deserve this?” You groaned, reading the lines again.
“Probably killed someone,” he quipped, shooting you a knowing look.
You glared at him, and he immediately raised his hands in mock surrender, laughing.
“Oh, apologies. Let’s practice! You don’t have a choice; it’s either fail or just accept it.”
“I hate you.”
“I accept it, Juliet.” He grinned, clearly relishing your frustration.
Thankfully, the teacher had given you a week to prepare, which meant you never took practicing seriously after that.
“We’ll practice tomorrow,” Seungmin stated, his tone leaving no room for argument.
“I have something to do tomorrow,” you said nonchalantly, hoping to deter him.
“I have things too, but I want good grades, so you have to come.” He started packing his things away.
“Hey, Seungmin!” You both turned at the sound of his friend’s voice. It was Hyunjin, accompanied by Felix and Jisung. You straightened up, suddenly conscious of your appearance.
“Let’s go somewhere!” Jisung draped an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders.
“I have important things to do,” Seungmin replied, and Jisung pouted in response.
“Oh, it was you in the cafeteria the other day,” Hyunjin said, looking right at you. It took you a moment to process that he was talking to you.
“Um…” Your voice faltered. “Yes?”
Hyunjin smiled at you, and you felt your heart race.
“Guys, wait for me outside. You just sneaked into my classroom,” Seungmin laughed, and his friends complied, heading for the door.
You were still catching your breath from the interaction when Seungmin turned back, grinning at you. “So, Hyunjin is your crush?” he asked, his tone teasing.
Oh no! Seungmin had caught on!
“Of course, I’m not!” you blurted out, feeling your cheeks heat up.
“Why are you saying ‘I’m not’ in such an awkward way?” He laughed, clearly enjoying this new revelation. “Then it is true!”
“Please don’t tell him!” You pleaded, realizing you were losing this battle.
“Of course I won’t…” He smiled coyly, “…I won’t do what you ask.” Then, with a laugh, he tossed his bag over his shoulder and dashed out the door.
“Oh, damn…” You froze in your seat, panic setting in.
“See you at practice tomorrow!” Seungmin waved annoyingly from the doorway, clearly aware that you had no choice but to comply.
As the door swung shut behind him, you sank back into your chair, contemplating your fate. Tomorrow was going to be a nightmare.
--
You arrived at his house and rang the doorbell repeatedly, knowing he would probably just hear it and take his sweet time.
“You’re late,” he said with a smug smile when he finally opened the gate.
“I’m not,” you insisted, holding your wrist up to show him your watch, the sleek silver face gleaming in the sunlight.
“You’re late by 58 seconds,” he replied, crossing his arms as if he were judging your punctuality.
“What?! It’s not my fault you opened your gate late!” You rolled your eyes, frustration bubbling beneath the surface.
He chuckled at your annoyed expression, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth. “Come in.”
“Not like I have a choice,” you muttered, stepping inside.
It was your first time in his house, and you weren’t surprised by how nice it was. The exterior was already immaculate, and the inside was just as polished—walls adorned with family photos and art that hinted at a cozy atmosphere. But you would never admit that to him.
“My parents aren’t home; they have work,” he said, glancing around the living room as if to check for any potential chaos.
“No one asked,” you shot back, feeling a mix of annoyance and amusement.
“Just wanted to let you know in case you try to kill me; there’s a CCTV camera around,” he said, half-serious.
“Oh, great. Just what I need,” you replied dryly, shaking your head.
He headed to the kitchen, presumably to get something to drink, giving you a moment to explore. You took the chance to glance at the pictures displayed throughout the room. One photo caught your eye—him as a child, beaming with joy as he played in a park.
When he returned, you pointed to the picture near the TV. “Is that you?”
“Obviously,” he said, rolling his eyes, his tone laced with playful sarcasm.
You squinted at the picture, then turned to him, suddenly serious. “I mean… will there ever be a time for us to stop bickering, even just for a bit? I'm trying to start a normal conversation here”
“Will there be?” he countered, sitting beside you with a teasing grin, his body relaxed as he leaned back.
“Yeah, right. Never,” you replied, smirking despite yourself.
He handed you the printed script he’d prepared, the edges slightly crinkled. “Why are we putting so much effort into this? It’s just reading the script, not really acting it out.”
“Because I have a goal grade, unlike you,” he said matter-of-factly, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Have you forgotten I’m an achiever too?” you shot back, crossing your arms defiantly.
When would this bickering ever end?
“Hyunjin is coming,” he announced suddenly, the air in the room shifting.
“No one asked--” You paused, then asked, “Wait what?!”
“So you should behave if you don’t want to scare him off,” he added, the grin still plastered on his face.
“Seungmin, why would you do that?!” You lightly slapped him on the shoulder, half-exasperated, half-amused.
“Because… I can?” He laughed, shielding himself playfully. “I mean, what’s wrong with inviting a friend? He's good at acting he can help”
“I hate you so much,” you groaned, exasperation creeping into your tone.
Hyunjin had been your crush for as long as you could remember, and the thought of him being in the same space as you made your stomach flutter with nerves. He was perfect in every way—charismatic, charming, and completely out of your league.
“Why? What’s wrong?” Seungmin teased, leaning closer with that infuriating grin. “Oh, I forgot—you like him, right?”
You responded by giving him another light shove, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment. It was always like this between you two—endless banter, lighthearted teasing, but the presence of Hyunjin added a layer of awkwardness you couldn’t quite shake.
You both settled onto the couch, the printed script between you. Seungmin glanced at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Okay, let’s get this over with. You read Juliet’s lines, and I’ll read Romeo’s,” he said, smirking.
“Fine, but don’t mess it up,” you replied, trying to maintain your composure.
You started reading through the script, your voice steady but laced with a hint of nervousness. “O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear.”
Seungmin rolled his eyes dramatically. “Wow, so poetic. Just make sure you don’t faint from all that romance.”
You shot him a glare. “Shut up, Romeo.”
Just then, the doorbell rang. Your heart raced. Hyunjin was here.
“See? You should behave,” Seungmin teased, nudging your shoulder.
You threw him a playful glare, then he rushed to open the door. There stood Hyunjin, looking effortlessly cool, his smile warm as he greeted you both. “Hey! Ready to practice?”
“Uh, yeah! Come in!” you said, trying to keep your cool but feeling the heat creep into your cheeks.
Seungmin sauntered over, clearly relishing the moment. “Hyunjin! Glad you could join us! We were just getting to the juicy parts.”
You shot him a warning look, hoping he wouldn’t embarrass you. Hyunjin, however, seemed unfazed. “Nice! I can help you both with the romantic scenes if you want.”
You nodded eagerly. “That would be great! I need help with… you know, acting like I’m in love.” You winced at how obvious that sounded.
Hyunjin grinned, moving to sit across from you. “Alright, let’s try a scene. Here’s the famous balcony part. Juliet says, ‘O, for a falconer’s voice to lure this tassel-gentle back again.’”
You felt your heart flutter. “I’ll try,” you said, taking a deep breath. “O, for a falconer’s voice to lure this tassel-gentle back again!”
Hyunjin smiled, then gestured for you to continue. “And then Romeo responds with, ‘I would not for the world they saw thee here.’”
Seungmin picked up the line, and you both began to read, the atmosphere shifting as you focused on the scene. You felt a playful energy in the air, the tension of performing lifting your spirits.
“‘I would not for the world they saw thee here,’” Seungmin said, his voice low and earnest.
You replied, “Then there’s no need to be ashamed,” trying to put as much emotion into it as possible.
Hyunjin clapped after your line. “That was great! You both looked really good together!”
You and Seungmin exchanged a quick look. “No!” you both said in unison.
Hyunjin chuckled, clearly entertained by your synchronized denial. “Really, it’s just acting! But seriously, you guys have good chemistry.”
“Thanks!” you said, feeling a mix of embarrassment and pride.
“Alright, let’s keep practicing!” Hyunjin suggested, eager to dive back into the script.
You focused on the lines, the playful banter keeping the atmosphere light. As you practiced, you couldn’t help but enjoy the moment, the camaraderie making the task feel less like a chore and more like fun.
With Hyunjin guiding you, you felt more confident as you delivered your lines, ready to tackle the performance together.
--
The days passed in a blur as you and Seungmin practiced again at his house. You settled into a routine, the playful banter punctuating your rehearsals, and surprisingly, you started to enjoy the time spent together.
Finally, the day of the presentation arrived. As you stood in front of the class, you felt a mix of nerves and excitement. When it was your turn to deliver your lines, you poured your heart into the performance, channeling every emotion.
To your surprise, Yuna leaned over after the presentation and whispered, “It wasn’t like you were entering each other’s nerves at all!” Her compliment made you beam with pride.
Seungmin, too, impressed you with his serious demeanor. For once, he seemed genuinely focused, and seeing him so dedicated made you realize how much he cared about doing well. You couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride for both of you.
After the applause died down, your teacher announced, “I’m pleased to inform you all that I have chosen actors for the upcoming school play, and I choose…” She paused dramatically, glancing between you and Seungmin, “…you two!”
A wave of excitement surged through you, quickly followed by a burst of playful competitiveness. “See? You should thank me for picking a role that suits us both,” you teased, nudging him playfully.
Seungmin raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “Oh, I’m grateful, alright. I forgot for a moment how you despise your pick. In fact, I’m so happy I’m going to treat you to cake and coffee.”
“Yes!” you replied enthusiastically, unable to hide your grin. “I deserve a treat after all that hard work!”
“Sure, but only because I can’t let my scene partner go hungry,” he said, winking.
As you both headed out, the bickering continued, light-hearted and familiar, but beneath it was a shared joy that made the moment all the more special. You couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, this experience was bringing you closer, even if you would never admit it.
At the café, the atmosphere buzzed with chatter and the rich aroma of coffee. You and Seungmin settled into a cozy corner, the tension from earlier melted away as you both began to chat more easily.
“So, do you actually love acting?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Absolutely!” you replied, a grin spreading across your face. “I’ve always idolized Emma Watson. I mean, come on, I look just like her!” You struck a dramatic pose, fluttering your eyelashes.
Seungmin looked at you, clearly unconvinced, with a “Are you kidding me?” expression. You burst out laughing, the sound ringing through the café.
“Okay, maybe not exactly like her,” you admitted, trying to catch your breath. “But a girl can dream, right?”
“Sure, if dreaming means torturing the rest of us,” he shot back with a smirk.
You rolled your eyes. “Anyway, I’m planning to major in acting when I get to college. It’s my dream!”
“Nice! I like acting too, but I’m thinking about majoring in music,” he said, leaning back in his chair.
“Wait, you? You know how to sing?” You raised an eyebrow, unable to hide your skepticism.
“Wanna hear?” he challenged, a playful glint in his eye.
“Please no!” you teased, dramatically placing your hand on your heart. “I’d rather sleep forever than listen to your singing.”
Seungmin laughed, shaking his head. “You’re so mean! I think it would be the opposite”
“Mean? I’m just saving you from embarrassment,” you shot back with a grin. “You should thank me!”
"you'll regret what you're saying when I become famous."
As you exchanged playful banter, you realized that this was your way of connecting. The teasing and light insults had become second nature, and somehow, the hurtful words didn’t sting anymore. Instead, they felt like an essential part of your friendship, a comfortable rhythm that made you both laugh.
“Seriously though,” you said, softening a bit, “I think it’s awesome that you’re into music. We’ll be the dynamic duo of arts!”
“Absolutely! Just don’t expect me to duet with you anytime soon,” he joked, raising his cup in a mock toast.
“Deal!” you laughed, feeling lighter than you had in a long time.
--
As the practice for the play approached, your schedule became packed, leaving little time for anything else. Excitement bubbled inside you, especially since Hyunjin, a year ahead of you, was also in the cast. You could hardly wait for the next rehearsal.
One day, while waiting for practice to start, you found yourself lost in thought, staring at Hyunjin as he chatted with some friends. Seungmin, ever the observant one, caught you in the act.
“You look like a lovesick puppy,” he teased, a playful grin stretching across his face.
You quickly snapped out of your daydream, narrowing your eyes at him. “Shut up! I’m not!” You playfully punched his arm, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make your point.
“Uh-huh, sure,” he laughed, clearly enjoying your reaction.
“You’re just jealous that I’m not staring at you like that!”
As partners playing lovers in the play, you often imagined being paired with Hyunjin. But the teacher had chosen Seungmin, and surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as you expected. You’d gotten used to the banter, and the awkwardness faded as practice continued.
Days passed, filled with rehearsals that drew you closer to Seungmin. The bickering remained, a constant source of amusement.
During one practice, while the two of you were warming up, Seungmin leaned over to Hyunjin, a mischievous smile on his face. “Hyunjin, have you already eaten? This monkey here asks,” he said, pointing at you as if you were some sort of pet.
You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help but laugh. “I am! Thank you for asking!” you replied, your voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Yeah, and she also said you were handsome,” Seungmin added, clearly enjoying the moment.
You felt your cheeks flush, and in a mock fit of outrage, you dashed toward him. “Seungmin!” you yelled, but he was quicker. He took off running, his laughter echoing through the practice room.
When you finally caught up to him, you wrapped your arms around his neck in a playful hug, making him squirm. “You’re such a tormentor!” you laughed, shaking him lightly.
From across the room, Hyunjin watched the whole scene unfold, a smile playing on his lips. “Are you sure they hate each other?” asked the director, who was shaking his head in disbelief.
Hyunjin just nodded, clearly entertained. “Definitely yes!” he replied, chuckling at your playful dynamic.
As you and Seungmin continued to tease each other, you realized that despite the playful bickering, there was an undeniable comfort between you—something that made every rehearsal just a little bit brighter.
---
The rain poured down in relentless sheets, and there you were, standing under a shed, glaring at the gray sky as if it were personally responsible for your soaked shoes. You had forgotten your umbrella—again.
As you waited, shivering slightly from the cold, you spotted Seungmin in the distance, standing confidently under a bright yellow umbrella. He was teasingly waving it over his head, a smirk plastered on his face as he called out, “Looks like someone forgot their umbrella again!”
You rolled your eyes and shot him a finger. “Very funny, Seungmin!”
He sauntered over, his grin widening with each step. "You wanna share?"
You rolled your eyes. "No thanks." you replied, crossing your arms defiantly.
“Okay, then. One word is enough for me.” He turned to leave, an exaggerated pout on his lips.
You hesitated for a moment, watching him walk away. “Wait!” you called out, and he turned back, an annoying smile in his lips. “Fine! We can share!”
Seungmin’s face broke into a triumphant grin as he rushed back to your side, positioning the umbrella over both of you. As you walked together, the atmosphere shifted from frustration to lightheartedness, laughter spilling out between the two of you.
“My shoulder is now wet,” Seungmin complained, feigning annoyance as he brushed water off his shirt.
“Is it my fault that you work out so much? Your shoulders are just too broad!” you shot back, unable to suppress a grin.
“Did you just compliment me?” he asked, his eyes lighting up with mischief.
“Ugh, it wasn’t a compliment!” you retorted, trying to keep a straight face.
“Then I’ll just have to embrace this wetness!” he said cheerfully, adjusting the umbrella with exaggerated flair. Before you knew it, he leaned closer, and water dripped off his shoulder, splashing onto you.
You burst into laughter, shoving him playfully. “You idiot!”
Seungmin laughed too, chasing after you as you dashed away, your heart racing with excitement. The rain seemed to fade into the background, the only sound being your giggles and the splatter of water against the pavement.
“You’re going to pay for that!” he yelled, laughter echoing through the downpour.
Just as you turned to look back, he splashed a wave of water right at you, soaking you completely. You retaliated, grabbing a handful of rainwater and splashing it back at him.
The playful battle raged on, and soon both of you were drenched, shivering yet exhilarated.
---
It was two weeks before the big play, and you were laser-focused on perfecting every detail. The pressure was on, and you found yourself spending more time practicing than ever. You wanted everything to be perfect, especially with the role you were playing. Seungmin, of course, was your partner in most scenes, so you had to rehearse together.
But as you delivered your lines, standing face-to-face with Seungmin, it became harder and harder to stay serious. Seungmin kept pulling funny faces behind his lines, causing you to break character and burst into laughter.
“Direct, please, punch him or something!” you whined dramatically, throwing your hands up. “He won’t stop!”
The director, seeing your exaggerated reaction, just chuckled. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast erupted in laughter.
"I’m serious now! I promise!" Seungmin said, shrugging off his antics.
You tried to continue, but the minute you looked at his serious face, you couldn’t hold back your laughter again. His deadpan expression was just too much.
“Okay, okay,” you said, wiping away a tear from laughing too hard. “Let’s take five. I need to compose myself.”
You sat down in the corner, still laughing. Seungmin joined you, shaking his head with a grin.
“Why are you always like this?” you asked, playfully slapping his arm. “We’re supposed to be professional!”
“Hey! I’m doing great! You’re the one laughing!” he protested with a smirk.
You couldn't deny it—something had shifted between you and Seungmin lately. There was this playful, easygoing dynamic now, and to your surprise, you liked it. You weren’t exactly sure when it happened, but the tension between the two of you had somehow dissolved, leaving behind a strange sort of camaraderie. And it felt... right.
---
Late again. You were quietly crawling your way toward your seat, praying that Seungmin wouldn’t notice. Maybe, just maybe, he’d be too preoccupied to see you sneaking in. But no such luck. Just as you thought you were in the clear, you saw Seungmin glancing in your direction, that infamous smirk already forming on his face. You knew that look all too well—he was up to something.
Desperate, you shot him a pleading look, mouthing a dramatic “Nooo,” and shaking your head in an exaggerated fashion. But the smirk only widened as he raised his hand.
“Ma'am!”
You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for the inevitable scolding. This is it, you thought. I’m done.
But instead, Seungmin’s voice rang out casually, “I forgot to give you the assignments I collected from the class.”
Your eyes flew open in shock. What?
“Oh right! Thank you, Seungmin, for the reminder.” The teacher smiled at him, clearly appreciating the help.
Seungmin stood up, cool as ever, handing over the pile of papers. He sat back down, a faint smirk still on his lips as if nothing unusual had happened.
You slid into your seat cautiously, your heart still racing. You glanced over at Seungmin, who met your gaze with a quick wink before turning back to his notebook. That was... new, you thought, utterly confused.
--
Practice resumed as usual, and you started to get into the flow of things. You liked rehearsing for the play more than you thought you would, especially with the creative freedom you were given. The only downside? Seungmin never missed an opportunity to get under your skin.
As you entered the practice room, sporting your freshly cut hair, Seungmin immediately took notice.
He eyed you up and down, a teasing grin already forming on his lips. “You know,” he began, casually leaning back in his chair, “short hair doesn’t really suit you.”
You rolled your eyes, knowing exactly where this was headed. “What are you talking about? I look pretty in it,” you shot back confidently, placing your hands on your hips.
Seungmin raised an eyebrow, the playful grin still firmly in place. “Pretty? More like you look like a monkey who tried to give itself a haircut.”
“Excuse me?” You gasped, pretending to be scandalized. “I do not look like a monkey.”
“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Seungmin shrugged, clearly enjoying how flustered you were getting. He leaned closer, dropping his voice dramatically. “But just so you know, if we ever put you in a zoo, you’d fit right in.”
You gasped again, this time more dramatically, then pointed at him with a mock serious expression. “You’re just jealous because I’m out here looking cute and you can’t handle it.”
“Cute?” Seungmin laughed, eyes gleaming with amusement. “Keep telling yourself that.”
“Whatever, I know the truth. You’re just afraid to admit that I’m rocking this look,” you teased back, refusing to back down.
“Yeah, yeah. Keep dreaming, monkey,” he said, chuckling softly as you narrowed your eyes at him.
--
Another day in class, you were erasing the board when something hit the back of your head. Startled, you spun around, spotting Seungmin sitting there, whistling innocently. It was the most obvious thing ever—he didn’t even try to hide it.
You glared at him, trying to keep your cool. ‘Let it go’, you thought. ‘Don’t give him the satisfaction’. But then, another paper ball hit you.
"Seriously?" you muttered under your breath, turning to give him a sharp look.
This time, Seungmin didn’t bother pretending. He smiled and pointed to the paper ball on the floor. “Read it,” he said, nodding toward the crumpled note.
You raised your hand, ready to throw the eraser at him with full force.
“Wait!” Seungmin said quickly, holding up his hands in surrender. “Just read it, will you?”
With a dramatic sigh, you picked up the paper, unfolding it. Written in his messy handwriting were the words: “Let’s eat. My treat.”
Before you could react, Jisung, who had been quietly observing the whole scene, burst into laughter. “What kind of lame drama am I witnessing?” he cackled.
You whipped around and threw the eraser at him instead, hitting him square in the shoulder. “Mind your own business, Jisung!”
“Hey! I’m just saying!” Jisung grinned, clearly enjoying the chaos.
Later that afternoon, you and Seungmin found yourselves at a seafood restaurant. Well, it was supposed to be Seungmin’s treat, but somehow the two of you ended up bickering over who would pay. Cause you wanna pay too.
“Let’s settle this the mature way—rock, paper, scissors,” Seungmin proposed, holding out his fist.
“Fine,” you agreed, thinking you had a good chance.
You both threw out your hands, and you won.
“Yes!” you exclaimed, triumph coursing through you for about five seconds. But then Seungmin began to order.
He grinned, shaking his head. “You’re gonna regret that.”
You frowned, confusion creeping in as the waiter approached. Seungmin rattled off an absurd number of dishes—enough to feed an entire village.
“Seungmin,” you hissed, eyes wide in disbelief, “do you really need to order enough food for 30 people?”
Seungmin leaned back in his chair, completely unfazed. “You said it was your treat. I’m just taking full advantage.”
You pouted, crossing your arms defiantly. “This isn’t fair. You’re evil.”
“Evil? No way,” he laughed, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “I prefer the term ‘strategically gifted.’”
As the waiter left with the long list of orders, you grumbled, “You should’ve thought about that before challenging me.”
In the end, Seungmin ended up paying for most of it, but you insisted on contributing, stubbornly pushing a few bills his way. He didn’t argue too much, shaking his head with an amused smile. “You’re relentless, aren’t you?”
“Of course! If I’m going to be broke, I might as well be happy about it,” you retorted, a grin spreading across your face.
Seungmin laughed, clearly entertained by your determination. “Fair enough. Next time, I’ll just let you win without a fight.”
“Deal! But only if you promise not to order enough food for a small army,” you teased, raising your glass in a mock toast.
“Challenge accepted,” he replied, clinking his glass against yours, both of you laughing at the absurdity of it all.
--
Another rehearsal, and you were sitting on the sidelines, legs crossed as you watched your classmates perform. You had just finished your scene and were still buzzing from the energy of it all. The lights cast a warm glow on the stage, and you found yourself quietly admiring the atmosphere, the stars of the production shining brightly in your eyes.
Suddenly, the director's voice broke through your thoughts. “Seungmin, can you step in as the main character for a bit? Our lead’s absent today.”
“Sure,” Seungmin replied, standing up with an easy confidence. He made his way to the center of the stage, and you prepared for him to be awkward or hesitant. Instead, he surprised you.
As he took his place, he transformed. His movements were smooth and assured, his voice resonating with sincerity. You couldn’t help but lean forward, captivated. He moved across the stage effortlessly, delivering his lines with an authenticity that made you forget you were watching your friend.
Wow, he was really talented.
You shook your head slightly, trying to push the thought away. No way could you think Seungmin was handsome. That was just absurd.
Then came a scene where he had to hug the female lead. As he pulled her into a gentle embrace, your heart gave a small, inexplicable flutter. The warmth of his presence seemed to radiate even from where you sat, and you felt an unfamiliar tightening in your stomach.
You tried to shrug it off, focusing on the performance, but the feeling lingered, swirling with an odd mix of admiration and something else entirely. Watching him, you realized you were seeing a different side of Seungmin—one that was undeniably charismatic and captivating.
The rehearsal continued, but you found it harder to concentrate, your thoughts drifting back to the way he had held her, how effortlessly he embodied the character. What was happening to you? You glanced away, trying to regain your composure, but the strange flutter remained, echoing in your mind long after the scene ended.
You were still lost in thought about the rehearsal when Hyunjin sat down beside you. “You look really pretty with your hair like that,” he commented with a smile.
You blushed at the compliment, glancing down. “Thanks! Seungmin said it doesn’t suit me.”
Hyunjin chuckled softly. “Seungmin? He’s just teasing you. That’s his way of telling you he likes it.”
You raised an eyebrow. “You think?”
“Definitely,” Hyunjin replied with a smirk. “He wouldn’t bother teasing you if he didn’t like it.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “He always tease me.”
Hyunjin leaned back, still smiling. “How did you two meet, anyway?”
“We’re neighbors,” you explained. “Since elementary school. We were always competing—who could get the best grades, who could finish their homework first. It’s been like that forever.”
Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “Do you hate him?”
You laughed, thinking for a moment. “If I could push him off a cliff, I probably would.”
Hyunjin grinned. “Would you really, though?”
You hesitated, suddenly unsure. “...yes,” you admitted, half-joking.
Hyunjin chuckled, clearly sensing something. “Well, I hope I don’t hear about you two pushing each other off cliffs anytime soon.”
You shrugged with a playful smile. “No promises.”
--
Later, you were eating peacefully in the cafeteria, minding your own business, when Seungmin plopped his tray down across from you. He sat down without a word, digging into his food.
You raised an eyebrow, already knowing what was coming. “Let me guess... your friends are coming?”
Seungmin glanced at you lazily, a piece of bread halfway to his mouth. “No, they don’t wanna see you.”
You pouted, pretending to be offended. “I miss Hyunjin.”
“Then ask him out,” Seungmin replied lazily, taking a bite of his bread.
You paused mid-bite, your eyes narrowing as you stared at him. “You think I have a chance with him?”
Seungmin smirked, shaking his head. “No, he hates monkeys like you who throw erasers at people.”
You gasped, glaring at him. “I do not look like a monkey!”
“Sure, whatever helps you,” Seungmin teased, his grin widening. “And for the record, Hyunjin’s probably just being nice.”
You frowned, “He said I was pretty with my new haircut.”
Seungmin scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “Do you know how much he lies? He probably tells that to everyone.”
You didn’t bother arguing. Instead, you decided to change tactics. “Help me get him to go out with me, then.”
Seungmin snorted. “Do it on your own. You’re big enough for that.”
You groaned dramatically, leaning across the table toward him. “If you help me, I’ll buy you something. Anything you want.”
Seungmin looked at you, considering it for a moment before shrugging. “Buy me a house."
You rolled your eyes, giving him a deadpan stare. “Never mind. I’ll do it myself.”
He smirked, clearly enjoying how easily you gave up. “Good luck, Juliet.”
--
It was Friday again, and somehow, you found yourself seated next to Seungmin—again. This time, however, you arrived early, a full thirty minutes ahead of your usual time. Feeling tired, you laid your head on the desk, hoping to catch a quick nap.
Just as you were dozing off, you felt a sharp knock on the desk, startling you awake. You looked up to see Seungmin grinning down at you, clearly enjoying your misery.
“Missing me that much, huh?” he teased. “You’re thirty minutes earlier than usual.”
You groaned, rubbing your eyes. “We basically see each other every day. I’m already sick of it,” you replied with a shrug.
Seungmin chuckled, settling into his seat beside you. “You’ll survive. Anyway, I need to copy your assignment.”
You blinked, sitting up straight. “We had an assignment?”
“Seriously?” Seungmin raised an eyebrow, holding back a laugh. He reached into his bag and pulled out his own paper, handing it to you. “Here, just copy mine before Ma’am shows up.”
You took the paper from him, still confused. “Wait, I thought you said you didn’t do the assignment either?”
“I forgot that I had,” Seungmin said casually, smirking. “Now hurry up before it’s too late.”
Rolling your eyes, you grabbed your pen and started copying the assignment, scribbling quickly while glancing at the door every few seconds to make sure the teacher wasn’t close. As you worked, you couldn’t help but notice the shift between you and Seungmin. There was a time when you would’ve refused to help him—or worse, argued with him endlessly. But now? It felt... different. There was a weird sense of comfort in these small moments.
"What now? does our fighting over who finish assignments first done?" you laugh,
"Then give me back my paper. I've changed my mind."
You didn’t hate it. In fact, you kind of liked it.
--
 Seungmin was sipping on his water bottle backstage when Hyunjin approached him, all casual as ever.
“Seungmin,” Hyunjin started, leaning against the wall beside him. “Do you like her?”
Seungmin paused mid-sip, glancing sideways at Hyunjin with a raised brow. “What are you talking about?”
Hyunjin gave him a knowing look. “I’ve known you for years, dude. I know when you like someone.”
Seungmin snorted, trying to brush it off. “Why would that matter to you?”
“Well,” Hyunjin said with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “if I asked her out, would you get mad?”
Seungmin’s eyes widened slightly before he quickly masked it, his expression turning nonchalant. “Why would I care?”
Hyunjin tilted his head, smirking as if testing Seungmin’s reaction. “Really?”
Seungmin waved his hand dismissively, though his jaw tightened slightly. “What am I, a matchmaker for you two? Why are you even asking for my opinion? I don’t care.”
Hyunjin chuckled and slung an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders. “Thanks, bro. That’s all I needed to know.”
As Hyunjin walked away, Seungmin clenched his water bottle a little too tightly. He wasn’t sure what irritated him more—the fact that Hyunjin seemed interested in you, or the fact that you two were making him feel like some kind of third wheel. Whatever it was, it was starting to get under his skin.
--
Seungmin was making his way back to the classroom, balancing a small box of milk he’d grabbed for you from the cafeteria. He'd overheard you mention wanting one earlier, so without a second thought, he picked one up, hoping to surprise you.
As he neared the classroom door, he paused when he heard your voice. You were deep in conversation with one of your friends, and for some reason, curiosity got the better of him. He stood just outside, hidden by the doorframe, listening.
"Why do you hate Seungmin so much, anyway?" your friend asked.
Seungmin’s ears perked up at the question, his grip tightening around the milk carton. He wasn’t sure why he was still standing there, but he couldn’t move. He just waited.
You sighed before answering, "He's so annoying. Always teasing me, always acting like he’s better than me. He’s infuriating."
Each word hit him harder than he expected, like tiny jabs that made his heart sink deeper and deeper. He already knows this what you felt for him but he doesn't know why it still hurts. He could feel his chest tighten, his breath coming out a little shallower as he stayed rooted to the spot.
But then you added something else, something he missed. A quieter tone followed the harshness of your earlier words. It was softer, almost like you were reflecting on something.
"Lately though... I don’t know. I guess I’ve started to see that maybe he’s not that bad."
But Seungmin didn’t hear those words. He had already turned away, stepping back before he could catch the change in your tone. His heart, now heavier, urged him to walk in the opposite direction, so that’s exactly what he did. The milk, once meant to be a small gesture of kindness, now felt pointless in his hand.
PE class rolled around, and with no rehearsal scheduled, you entered the gym, spotting Seungmin as usual. You both ended up being partners again—something that had become routine at this point. There were no protests, no over-the-top objections. Just quiet acceptance.
The first activity was jogging, but you immediately noticed something was off. Normally, Seungmin would be teasing you the whole time, making snarky comments about how slow you were. But today, he was silent.
"One minute," you said, reading his time on the stopwatch. Normally, this would prompt a laugh from him, followed by some sarcastic remark about how you'd be the first one caught in a zombie apocalypse.
But today, he just nodded and moved on to the next activity without a word. Weird.
The next exercise was push-ups. You barely managed four before collapsing, groaning in exhaustion. Seungmin, on the other hand, breezed through twenty without breaking a sweat. You tried to compliment him in a lowkey way, but he didn’t react—just kept going like a machine.
What is up with him?
Then came the sit-ups. You held down Seungmin’s toes, though it didn’t seem like he needed any help. His form was perfect, and he didn’t even look your way. The proximity of the exercise made you search for his eyes, but every time you tried to make eye contact, he avoided looking at you.
When it was your turn, you felt exhausted by your fifth sit-up, and Seungmin held your toes firmly in place. This time, he watched you more intently, though you couldn’t see him since you were focusing on the exercise. Only when you glanced up did he quickly avert his gaze.
After class, you caught him trying to leave and stopped him in his tracks.
“Seungmin, what’s going on with you?” you asked, planting yourself in front of him.
He gave you a blank look. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re acting... weirdly weird today. Did something happen?”
Seungmin sighed, clearly not in the mood for a conversation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said flatly, brushing past you.
You caught his arm before he could fully walk away. “Hey, you can talk to me. If something’s wrong, just tell me.”
He paused, looking at you for a moment with an unreadable expression before saying coldly, “Why would I? We’re not friends.”
The words hit you harder than you expected. You froze, watching as he walked away, feeling a strange pang in your chest.
Later, you sat next to Hyunjin, watching Seungmin perform his scenes on stage. He still ignored you, going through the motions of his role flawlessly, but there was no denying the distance between you now. The way he looked past you, as if you weren’t there, made you feel... sad.
“What’s up with him?” you muttered to Hyunjin. “He’s been acting strange all day.”
Hyunjin smirked. “He’s probably mad about what I told him.”
You raised an eyebrow. “What did you tell him?”
Hyunjin chuckled softly, leaning closer. “I told him I like you. And that I was going to ask you out.”
You blinked in surprise, staring at him. “Wait... what?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “Why else would he be jealous?”
“Jealous?” you repeated, confused. “Why would he be jealous?”
Hyunjin let out a soft laugh. “I don’t know if you and Seungmin are both idiots, or if you’re just blind.”
“Ouch,” you said, feigning offense, though your mind was spinning. Jealous? Seungmin?
Hyunjin’s laugh faded into a small smile, and after a moment of silence, he sighed. “Wow, my confession really flew under the radar, huh?”
You looked at him, feeling a little guilty. Oh... right. His confession.
You smiled awkwardly. “Wait, was it serious? Or were you just joking?”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “You think I’m a joker like that puppy?” He nodded toward Seungmin, who was still on stage.
Normally, this would be the moment where you’d blush, stammer, and lose your mind. But something didn’t feel right. There was something nagging at you, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.
“I...”
Before you could respond, Hyunjin raised a hand, cutting you off. “Actually, you know what? Don’t answer me yet. I’ll wait until after the play presentation.”
He smiled, and you smiled back, though it felt forced.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m just getting my water bottle,” Seungmin’s voice broke the moment as he stepped between you two, grabbing his bottle.
You opened your mouth to say something, but he was gone before you could. You stared after him, feeling more confused than ever.
-
In the past, this type of bickering was normal between you two. You had always gotten on each other's nerves, and usually, you'd be happy to ignore him, savoring the peace and quiet. But this time felt different. Why were you so affected by his silence? Why did it feel like a hollow pit had formed in your chest, waiting for him to fill it? You hated him, didn’t you? You used to hate him—right? But now, all you felt was a growing sense of confusion and frustration, like you were waiting for something that never came.
Seungmin had been avoiding you for three days now, and at first, you brushed it off, assuming he had something on his mind. But as time went on, the weight of his silence pressed harder. It wasn’t just affecting the play—it was affecting you. His avoidance felt more personal than it ever had before, and it gnawed at you until you couldn’t ignore it anymore.
"Seungmin, let's talk." You caught up to him backstage, your voice firmer than usual, trying to mask the vulnerability you were starting to feel.
"Why?" he responded coldly, not even looking in your direction.
You blinked, taken aback by the sharpness of his tone. "What do you mean, 'why'? We obviously need to talk about something."
"I don't want to," he replied like a stubborn child, folding his arms defensively.
You groaned, frustration bubbling inside you. "Stop giving me that bratty attitude, Seungmin. Let's just talk, okay?" Without thinking, you grabbed his wrist, dragging him toward the exit door for privacy.
Once you were both outside, you turned to face him, still gripping his wrist. "Are you angry at me?" you asked softly, though the edge of desperation in your voice betrayed you.
Seungmin pulled his hand away from your grasp, shrugging. "We're normally angry at each other," he muttered, staring at the ground as if avoiding your gaze would shield him from the conversation.
You furrowed your brows, trying to make sense of what he was saying. "Seungmin, we both know something has changed between us. We’re… sort of friends now, right? Why are you acting like this?"
He scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "Why? This is normal. We’ve always been like this. Why are you suddenly acting like something's different?"
Your chest tightened, and you swallowed hard. "So I’m still just an enemy to you?" The words slipped out, raw and vulnerable, and you hated yourself for how much it hurt. You could feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them back quickly. "Because for me—" Your voice wavered, but you forced yourself to continue. "For me, things changed. I’ll be honest with you. I hated you so much before, Seungmin. I mean, if I could’ve thrown you into the fire pit, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat." You laughed bitterly, trying to lighten the mood, but your heart ached as you realized the truth. "But now, I see you as a friend."
Seungmin's breath hitched at your confession, and for a moment, his walls seemed to crack. But then his jaw clenched, and he shook his head. "No."
You stared at him, bewildered. "No? What do you mean 'no'?"
His voice was strained, like he was forcing the words out. "Why are you doing this to me? Why can’t you just focus on Hyunjin and pretend like I’m not even here?"
"Why would I do that?" you asked, confusion lacing your words.
Seungmin's expression darkened, his eyes narrowing in frustration. "Because you like him," he bit out. "You like Hyunjin, and you’ve hated me since the day we met."
You stepped closer, lowering your voice, "Seungmin… I told you. We're past that stage of hating each other."
His laugh was hollow, bitter. "You’ve hated me since we were kids. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? But you know what? I preferred it that way. I’d rather you keep hating me than whatever this is."
You were silent for a moment, letting his words sink in. It hit you hard—the realization that Seungmin had always been more affected by your feelings than you’d thought. And now, he was clinging to the past because it was easier to accept your hatred than deal with the uncertainty of whatever you were becoming now.
"But I don't hate you anymore," you said softly, your voice gentle but firm.
His gaze flickered up to meet yours for the briefest second before he looked away again, a storm of emotions brewing behind his eyes. His fists clenched at his sides, and for a moment, you thought he might say something, but instead, he shook his head, taking a deep breath.
"Then what do you feel now?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
It was a question you hadn’t fully answered yourself. What did you feel? What had changed between you two? The hate had faded long ago, replaced by something warmer, something deeper. But how could you put it into words when you weren’t sure what those feelings even were?
"I don’t know," you admitted, your voice trembling. "But I know I don’t want to keep ignoring it. I don’t want to keep pretending like we’re still stuck in the past. I care about you, Seungmin, and I—"
He cut you off, his voice sharp but shaky, "Stop. Don’t say it. Please."
His plea was laced with fear, and you could see it now—the fear of getting hurt, of being vulnerable. Seungmin had always hidden behind his teasing and sharp words, but now, as he stood before you, walls crumbling, you realized just how much he had been protecting himself all along.
"Seungmin..." You took a step closer, your hand hesitating before reaching out to touch his arm. "You don’t have to push me away."
He closed his eyes, his shoulders tense, and for a moment, you thought he might pull away again. But then, he sighed, the weight of his emotions too heavy to bear alone anymore. "You don’t get it," he whispered, his voice raw. "I’m scared. Scared that if you don’t hate me, you’ll realize… I’ve liked you for so long, and I don’t know how to handle that."
Your heart skipped a beat at his confession. The tension, the unspoken words, all of it finally made sense. You felt your chest tighten as you processed his words, the vulnerability behind them cutting deep.
Seungmin liked you.
And somehow, deep down, you’d known.
-
The day of the play had arrived, and for the first time, a tight knot of nerves twisted in your stomach. You'd performed in front of people before, but this time felt different. This time, you weren’t just performing in front of a crowd—you were performing in front of him.
As you paced backstage, waiting for the curtain to rise, you couldn’t help but glance around anxiously, searching for Seungmin. The others were already in place, getting ready for the opening act. But Seungmin… he was nowhere to be seen.
Your heart raced as minutes ticked by. What if he didn’t show up? What if his feelings, the tension between you, had driven him away? You shook your head, trying to focus, but the anxiety clung to you like a second skin.
The stage manager called for the cast to take their places, and you stepped toward the stage, dread settling deep in your chest. The lights dimmed, the curtains rustled, and the play was about to begin. But Seungmin—where was he?
Just as the opening music started and your heart sank, you heard footsteps behind you. You turned and saw him. Seungmin, slightly out of breath, his eyes locking with yours as he walked into place. He gave you a small, reassuring nod, and you felt a rush of relief. He had made it.
You took a deep breath, letting his presence calm you, and when the curtains finally rose, you stepped into your role. The lights blinded you for a second, and the sound of the audience rustled in the background, but none of that mattered. Your focus was on one person.
Seungmin.
You went through your lines, heart pounding in your chest. The audience faded away, and it was just the two of you on stage. But when you looked into Seungmin’s eyes, delivering your lines, it felt too real—like every word you spoke wasn’t part of the play but something deeper.
And then came the moment. The pivotal line.
As you reached the climax of your scene, Seungmin stepped closer, his gaze steady and intense. “I love you,” he said, his voice clear and sincere.
Your breath caught in your throat. The weight of his words, delivered in that moment, felt electric. It wasn’t just a line; it was a declaration that cut through the scripted lines and went straight to your heart.
Tears pricked at your eyes, threatening to spill over. You weren’t supposed to cry here—not in this scene—but it was impossible to hold back the emotion. The intensity of the moment, standing before him as he revealed his feelings, overwhelmed you.
Seungmin’s gaze softened, and for a second, the audience faded away. It was just you and him, wrapped in a moment that felt like the truth finally breaking through.
You tried to respond, but the weight of his confession hung in the air, filling the space between you. You swallowed hard, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay.
The play continued, but all you could think about was Seungmin’s words. He had spoken them as part of the script, but they felt so real, so genuine. Something shifted in the atmosphere between you two—something undeniable.
As the final act came to a close, and you took your bow, the audience erupted in applause. But even then, your eyes were only on Seungmin, wondering if he felt the same shift in the air between you two. Something had changed. Something profound. And while you weren’t sure where it would lead, for now, you were content just to hold on to the moment, letting it linger as the lights dimmed and the curtains closed.
For now, the stage had played its part, but what came next was something only time would tell.
-
a reblog, like, and comment is very much appreciated to keep me going. thanks for reading, love!
sorry for being inactive lately and not responding to any of your messages i appreciate you all love you sm!!
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moviestarmartini · 3 days
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yellow flowers. — jude bellingham x gf!reader
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él sabía, ella sabía y se olvidaron de sus flores amarillas.
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summary: how can your relationship recover from such a serious argument the night before?
wc: 975
warnings: angst, not that much dialogue, like three words in spanish, established long-term relationship.
A/N: WHAAAAT?? GIGI POSTING TWICE IN A DAY??? its more likely than you think! thank las flores amarillas hehe.
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now playing... flores amarillas from floricienta
The fight was stupid, really. 
You both had to admit it was. Even then, that doesn’t take away the fact it snowballed into issues each of you held back for what seemed ages, and only ended up with Jude slamming the door on the way out of your apartment. 
After hours of crying, your own exhaustion from the ordeal lulled you to sleep. When you rose up in the morning, neither your mind nor your body prepared for the fact it was a Saturday. 
Nor the fact everyone and their mothers were receiving yellow flowers, something you’d always craved but were always just another bystander. 
If you listened to that song again you might just rip your hair off. 
You had a whole day planned with Jude after the game, he wanted to do something special, but the fact you couldn’t hold back your jealousy the night before was more than enough to dampen the idea, whatever it was. 
For a second, you tried to put things on the positive side. A self-care day. In theory it was wonderful, but the second you sat alone in the bubbly bathtub, you broke down in tears. 
You’d been together for years. You changed your whole life around him, learning German to go to school in the same country and planning your masters in Spanish. Maybe that was part of the reason he called you spineless; you adapted to other’s needs and perspectives easier. His words bounced around your head, each reminder taunting you more. 
To top it all off, Spotify seemed to have a vendetta against you, your daylist was insanely depressing. 
“Is this because he plays for Real Madrid?!” You spoke out into the world, growing frustrated with your situation. 
That did spark an idea in your brain; or more of a reminder. 
Jude had a game today. And you weren’t going to be there to watch him. That just made you jump out of the bath, get changed into decent clothes and leave the house for once to watch him at your best friend’s house upon her request, miserably so even when the team got their footing back up— knowing you should be in the stands cheering him on. But alas, you weren’t.
And you wondered if you would ever be again. 
The moment he fell clutching his shoulder, your heart stopped. Tears welled in your eyes but you avoided letting them escape, remembering the long hours of work and recovery, the utter joy you felt when he informed both you and the team he was comfortable playing without the big chunky brace again. All that, and it crumbled down right before your eyes, like your relationship. 
Still, you didn’t hesitate on reaching for your phone, not finding any elation on the team’s victory. 
[ I know you don’t want to see or hear from me ] 
[ But how’s your shoulder? I’m seriously concerned ] 
You knew he wasn’t going to reply right away, and when your companion found out who you’d texted, she ripped the phone out of your hands and put it away for the reminder of your evening laced with white wine and take out sushi. 
“Thank you for releasing me, master.” You joked by the time she gave you the mobile back, swallowing hard upon seeing Jude hadn’t replied. 
He hadn’t even read it. 
Now you were actually panicking, swallowing down the tears in the Uber and wishing the small elevator could go fast enough that you didn’t break down somewhere that wasn’t in the comfort of your home. 
You were overwhelmed enough that you didn’t even take into account your door was unlocked when you clearly left it locked, nor the warm light coming from the tiny space under the doorframe. 
“I’m sorry.” 
Were the first words you registered before your eyes caught the indoor prairie your boyfriend had installed in your living room in the shape of yellow daisies. 
Your eyes trailed the hundreds of petals before your eyes finally fell on him, scanning from his toes up to the apologetic expression he was carrying. Now it all made sense; your friend insisted on getting you out of the house for this. He didn’t reply because of this. 
Though your heart was running at a whopping speed of thirty miles per second, your feet took you painfully slow— cautiously— towards him. You were still marveled, carefully watching where your sneakers landed to avoid stepping on the beautiful work he’d planned for you. 
“Perdón,” Jude repeated, as if the words in Spanish meant so much more than the English language. He opened his mouth for what seemed to be a rant, but the way you squeezed the life out of him with a desperate hug left him speechless, followed by your hugs. 
“I thought you— you were going to dump me and I would have to move back home and— and I can’t imagine that because I love you so much and that’s why I was scared!” You babbled between hiccups, trying to calm yourself down before his gentle hands cupping your face did the job spectacularly. 
“I would be such a fuckin’ idiot to do that.” He couldn’t help but let out a laugh, not at you nor your claims, but at how ridiculous he had been. 
“Te perdono,” You sniffled, your bottom lip still puckered up ever so slightly. 
“But what’s all this?” You turned to look at the scene, something straight out of a Van Gogh painting. 
“You thought I forgot with the thousand TikToks you sent me on this day?” He leaned in to kiss your forehead before pulling you into another warm hug. 
“I also watch Gilmore Girls whenever you do. Whoops.” 
Your laugh echoed as you snuggled closer to him in your upright position, being extremely thankful the last sentence of the song wasn’t your reality.
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A/N: if y'all seriously thought it wasn't going to have a happy ending you clearly don't know me well enough rip
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darnell-la · 14 hours
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can i request older logan with reader who’s a crybaby… reader who cries over little things and older logan who can’t help but get hard and coddle her. wiping away tears during sex!!!
note: older Logan wouldn’t take y/n’s crying session seriously. Usually, they’d all be because of work, something he’s told her a thousand times he didn’t want her to do, so a part of him didn’t care. Instead, he loved how much she cried, taking advantage of it whenever he could.
———
“How was work today, Bub?” Logan asked, eyes glued to the newspaper he had picked up in front of the door earlier this morning. Y/n hadn’t said anything. She tried thinking of what exactly she should say, but he had spoken first.
“Bub? What up?” Logan asked, eyes looking over his reading glasses as she slipped off her shoes and hung her things up. “I-I — You know,” y/n said, but Logan in fact did not know.
“I know what?” He asked, setting his paper aside as he felt something wrong with her. “Work today — It was just exhausting,” she said as she went into the kitchen to grab a glass of any alcohol Logan bought for himself, and she drank occasionally.
“What happened?” Logan asked as she got up, listening closely to her story of the day. The more she talked, the more cracks he heard in her house.
“A-And the boss said maybe he’d fire me if I kept snapping back at the customers, but they always start it! Every day, it’s the same s-shit!”
“Baby, baby,” Logan said as he came up behind the young lady before she could pick up the glass she had just filled. “Don’t need you drinkin’ your problems away. It ain’t good for you,”
“I know, but — I just need something, Logan. This is so stressful,” she said as he turned her around to take a look at her face, and like he knew it, she was crying. Eyes glossy and puffy as always.
“Baby,” Logan tilted his head with a sigh, upset that she’s always stressed and taking in everything people say to her. He wished she could just move on with life, and stay happy with a big smile.
“Look at me, Bub,” Logan said as he lifted her head after she tried turning her head. “You need to relax — Stop letting these people get to your head,” Logan said as he wiped her tears.
“I know, but-“ y/n tried saying, but the man shushed her. “Don’t speak, Bub, just relax. And no drinking either,” Logan said as he moved the glass she filled to the side.
“You’re too pretty to be cryin’ all the time, baby,” Logan said as his faves nuzzled hers. “I-It’s just so much,” y/n cried as his hands rubbed her body, trying to calm her down a bit.
“I know, baby, and what did I tell you? Told you I’d take that easy lumberjack job, right? Get us double what an average human man could make workin’ for ‘em and put that money towards our cabin,” Logan reminded her.
“Baby, I don’t want you to work though,” y/n said as his hands tracked up her shirt. “And why can’t I? I’m the man, and you’re my pretty girl. I’m tired of being a housewife. That’s your job, or at least let me do it all. You can relax the rest of your pretty life,” Logan said in the crook of her neck.
“You’re gonna take my offer, bub. Ian askin,” Logan’s hand dug into her jeans to rub at her cunt until she squealed. “I-I don’t know,” she still cried, upset at herself for being this sensitive and also hit by the instant pleasure Logan was giving her.
“What did I say, baby? This ain’t askin,” Logan said before he ripped y/n’s jeans off of her. She gasped as he picked her up and placed her on the counter, spreading her legs as he pulled himself out of his jeans.
“You should be waitin’ at home for him to come back and give it up. Not the other way around, baby,”
Logan pushed into the weeping girl, making her hands fly up to grip shi shoulder. “Logan,” y/n sobbed, feeling his cock run through her walls in all of the right ways. He always made her forget why she cried in the first place.
“Ssh, baby — Just enjoy me. Cunts beggin’ for it,” Logan said as he cupped her face, wiping all of the tears that streamed down her face. “Mhm hmm,” he groaned as his free arm hooked under one of her legs to get a good new angle to pound her in.
“L-Lo,” y/n cried out, loving the way his body smacked against hers. “That’s it, baby — Let it all out,” Logan pulled her into his body, pounding so hard, that the countertop began shifting.
“Cry on my cock, baby — Look so good like this. So fuckin’ good,” Logan couldn’t lie as his eyes could barely stay open and tears still streamed from them. He was Jauch a crybaby, but his crybaby.
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lightlycareless · 9 hours
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Because everyone asked (I mean, kind of, I for sure wanted to hehe) here is the continuation to this small piece :>!!
Warnings: none. your family is overprotective of you. overall fluff.
Happy reading!!
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You knew it was coming, the moment you saw Satoru and Suguru frantically rush out the classroom door and disappear into the hallways with your secret, you knew it was only a matter of time before either your siblings, or your father, called you to discuss the elephant in the room.
And yet, you still hoped they’d let this slide. Prayed that somehow this would be forgotten, just like everything else that usually pertained to you—in true Satoru fashion— and let you return to the safe haven you’ve found in Naoya…
Whatever you desired was instantly thrown out the window the moment you received the following message from your father.
“Please come home this weekend, there is much to discuss.”
Oh, how you wanted the earth to simply swallow you whole. Lighting to strike you, or… just about anything really, to avoid this situation.
But alas, Friday was fast approaching, and when you were just mere minutes away from joining your siblings for the ride back home, you began to anxiously prepare to face the consequences of your actions—all unthinkable scenarios soon crossing your mind.
“Let me go with you.” Naoya would insist once more, virtually glued to his phone in case you needed anything. “I can talk to your father if need be.”
“As much as I want to… I feel like this is something I need to do on my own.”
“Y/N…”
“In case anything happens, I… I want you to know I love you.” You confessed. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I will always cherish our short moments together.”
Naoya swallows, hating the lump forming in his throat, the way his heart sank to his stomach at the very likely situation of never seeing you again after today.
But just like you, he doesn’t lose hope. Not yet—for he still counts on fate to keep the two together; after all, his feelings for you were too pure, genuine, ones he never thought himself capable of harboring.
That must be something… right?
For Naoya at least, it does. And he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses you.
“Hey… dad.” It was the fateful moment, uttered the moment you walked into his studio, quietly sliding the door close behind you and making way to the seat in front of his desk, where you’d find both your father and siblings seemingly scrutinizing your presence: the obvious disapproval of your relationship with Naoya.
“Hello, Y/N.” he responds, tone void of the usual enthusiasm that followed. Today you weren’t to talk with the chirpy, goofy father you knew.
This time you’d face the strict side of him, the leader of the clan.
And that made you feel even tinier.
“I guess we’re going straight to it… right?” you ask.
Eiichi presses his lips together—yes.
“Fa—father, I didn’t mean to—”
“I’m not going to deny the disappointment I felt upon hearing you had a boyfriend, especially after you promised to only focus on your studies.” Your father interrupts, his words chipping at your poor heart. “And of all people, the heir of the Zen’in just had to be the one you were dating.”
Feeling as the worst daughter ever, your gaze lowered to the floor, hoping that by evading his eyes his reprimands would be a fraction more tolerable—but it would be for naught, since the damage was already done: you’ve lost his trust, and thus, Naoya.
There was nothing else to say, you might as well voice your regrets.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, tears soon dampen your cheeks. “I’m sorry dad for disappointing you—”
“…But what hurt me more… was the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.” Eiichi reveals with a sniffle that shows he too had begun to cry.
“D—Dad—”
“…Does he make you happy? Beyond the rumors that plague him and his family, have you truly found happiness by his side?”
“I… I have.” You finally confess, fidgeting with the edges of your sleeve. “He makes me really happy, like I’ve never felt before.”
“Then that’s all I need to know.”
“Wait, what?! That’s all you’re going to say, father?!” Hinata, your sister, is the first to cut the tension between the two with a loud shriek; clearly expecting a type of fight, some resistance for a relationship she considered unjustifiable in so many levels—you were far too good for someone like him! Surely her dad could see that?! “It’s—It’s Naoya for god’s sake! From that wretched Zen’in clan!”
“I know; but at the same time, this is Y/N’s decision to take. And if she’s happy, who am I to stop her?” He answers, much to your sister’s growing frustration. “I know all about being in love and fighting the odds to be with the one you cherish!”
Hinata scowls, somewhat disgusted by the comparison. Naoya could never…
“Though I am a bit upset that you didn’t tell me anything, pumpkin! Why didn’t you?”
“I… I guess I was… afraid.” You swallow, doing your best to wipe the tears from your face and compose your voice. “I’m aware of what people think of Naoya, so I… thought it would be better to keep it… a… secret…”
“But from me?!” Eiichi cries. “We swore to always tell each other everything, remember?!”
A promise made when you were very, very young; so much so, you probably didn’t even think much of it, just wanting to follow your father’s lead and continue doing whatever it is that you did back then…
But to him, it was a pact signed with blood (dramatic much?) and such, your secrecy hurt him deeply.
“I still don’t trust Naoya.” Hinata quietly adds.
“You ought to trust Y/N.” Ren, your brother, adds. “She wouldn’t have lasted as long if she wasn’t happy with him.”
“Wait—how do you know how long—?” you blink.
“You knew?!” Eiichi gasps once more, betrayed yet again by another one of his children. Has he done something to earn their mistrust?! “Did everyone here know of this and decided not to tell me??”
“I didn’t know!” Hinata cried. “How did you find out, Ren?!”
“It was written all over Y/N’s face—”
You, your sister, and father looked at him as if he’d grown a second head, making him roll his eyes and sigh.
“Really? Did none of you notice how chirpy she became? Or how flustered she’d return after getting lunch?” Ren raises an eyebrow, Hinata shakes her head, you simply… blush, embarrassed that your careful attempts to keep your relationship a secret were not discreet at all. “I sometimes even wonder where your head is, Hinata… It was written all over her face!”
“I mean, she’s always like that, right, father???”
Eiichi remains silent, the subtle admission that he agreed with Ren’s observations. The signs of an infatuated girl were there: from how he’d hear you talk “to yourself” late at night, to always keeping close to the phone at home just in case one of your friends from school called…
The signs were always there, he was just too blind to see them, perhaps out of his disposition to see the little girl he always considered you to be—you were his youngest, after all.
And yet, he couldn’t blame you; for he had been in your shoes too, acting the same way when meeting your mother, if not worse, for his relationship became the talk of the town as soon as everyone caught wind of it. You had managed to keep it a secret at least!
Eiichi also knew that a part of you, beneath the playful, carefree child you always were, desired to find the love of your life, a hopeless romantic naturally inspired by the devoted relationship he had with Tomoko, and the all-around loving relationship they all had as a family.
Thus, it was highly unrealistic of him to expect you to only focus on your career when he knew of this side of you, or when he also hoped that by enrolling in jujutsu high you’d find someone responsible, hardworking, and of course dedicated; someone that would provide you with a good life and everything else you desired, as a future partner.
Perhaps most of his shock (if not all) came from the fact that he never imagined those shoes to be filled by Naoya himself! The snobbish heir of the Zen’in, a clan most would want to steer away from when money wasn’t involved.
A kid he always knew as keen to torment others, not cherish them!
And yet, here you were, seemingly enamored with him; and by the looks of it, the feeling was mutual…
Still, he worries. He has to, it’s his job as your father. To think of the worst things that could happen to you and do everything in his power to prevent them.
But Ren’s words held some truth behind them: if Naoya wasn’t of your liking, if he hadn’t been what you imagined… then this train of thought wouldn’t be happening at all. Your father likes to believe—no, he knows that you’re sensible enough to do the right thing.
And if that is to be by his side… then he’ll support till the end of the road.
With a few requirements, of course.
“Does that mean… I’m not in trouble anymore?” you murmur, your soft voice making Eiichi’s heart squeeze.
“Oh, you were never in trouble, Y/N!” He gasps, quick to stand from his seat and take you into his arms, easing your anxieties into embarrassment given the way you soon became overwhelmed by his gestures.
“Dad—that’s—you’re choking me!”
“I’m so sorry for frightening you, pumpkin. I was just worried that you weren’t happy with him. But you don’t know how glad I am that you’ve found someone to share your life with.” Eiichi adds. “…And I’m so sorry that I made you think you were disappointment—you are not; you could never be!”
“Dad…” your voice trembles, hugging him tightly in return.
“But I still have to meet him, Y/N. You have to bring him home if you want this relationship to continue.” Eiichi soon warns. “And no doing anything of that nature until you’re much older! Or at least safely, I wouldn’t want you to pause your stud—”
“Oh my god, dad! Can you not say that in front of my siblings?!” You shriek, whatever embarrassment you felt before was nothing compared to this. “We barely do anything…”
“As it should be, you’re far too young to be thinking about anything else!”
“I’m sure you were a saint, father.” Ren snickers, his jest going completely over Eiichi’s head.
“I was! I did everything to win your mother’s heart, but always careful enough to never offend her or her family!”
“Woosh…” Ren laughs, finding his father’s naivety hilarious.
“Well, whatever! That doesn’t mean I’m all too happy about it…” Hinata crosses her arms, pouting. “Not when he hasn’t even formally introduced himself to us! I can’t believe I got to hear about it from Satoru and Suguru first!”
“Can he come over today? No—he must come over today! I have to talk to him before anything else—"
“Wait, dad he—I can’t invite him over today! He’s going to freak out! I need to prepare him, you know…?”
“Prepare him? Don’t tell me that jerk gets nervous.” Hinata says.
“Hinata, we need to respect Y/N’s boyfriend.” Eiichi defends Naoya, making Hinata squirm out of disgust. “But fine, I’ll give him a week to prepare his speech as to why I should let him date my adorable daughter!”
“Dad, you’re going to scare him!” you fret.
“Then he better come prepared.”
Well, it’s good to know that at the end of the day, you never really had anything to worry about—your father was just concerned about you, as he always was, but still approved of your relationship with Naoya. Somewhat, he has yet to be fully convinced that Naoya is indeed the best match for you, and considering his overprotective nature, seems like your boyfriend will need to do so for the rest of his life…
But Naoya would much rather take on this than the notion of losing you.
Didn’t stop his blood from running cold when you eventually told him, probably the most nerve-wracking thing he’s had to prepare for in his life, but he still pushed forward—because for you he’ll go to the end of the world, just to keep you by his side.
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Naoya meeting your father is happening too :)))))) keep him in your prayers.
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idontplaytrack · 2 days
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White roses
Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader
Warnings: mature themes— eating disorders. Coarse language, angst, some fluff
In which reader’s attempt to understand her sister’s action lead to a complete breakdown
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You weren’t sure when everything changed, but they did and it has never been the same since then. Your sister’s been faking, faking it all the time with you. Faking that she was okay when she wasn’t. You knew that, so you tried to help her whenever and however you could. She appreciates it, you knew that. She made sure you knew it. But every time you look at her, your heart hurts. Regina was struggling, now worse than ever. But two weeks ago, you couldn’t take it and talked to her. You actually sat her down alone and talked to her about it. Then it became begging. You broke down and begged her to get help. It was something you wouldn’t have done if you hadn’t seen her show signs of wanting to get help and get better in the first place. Things got better at first, then it took a huge dip. That’s when you talked to her.
For whatever reason, Regina agreed to get help. And ever since that day when she got dropped off at the hospital, you were reduced to seeing her three times a week at most. Which was a very big change compared to being able to see her everyday. Sitting in her Jeep after pulling into the driveway, you shut your eyes while you took some deep breaths. Ever since you saw her today in the hospital, your mood took a turn. While you were happy to see her, and she was more than happy to see you, having to see Regina in the hospital broke your heart every time you came by. Countless questions swam through your head after each visit. Why would she do that to herself? She knew it could literally cost her her life. She knew that, she’s told you that. But time and time again, she relapses. She doesn’t mean to, you knew that. That was why you spoke up and told her to get help. You weren’t going to risk losing your best friend.
Turning the engine off, you scrambled into the house, your mind racing as you rushed upstairs to your bedroom.The door opens with a slam, your bag falls at the foot of your bed with a thud. In a hurry, you found yourself in the bathroom, staring at the toilet. Were you about to do that? You weren’t thinking straight if at all, but one thing you knew for sure was that you had to understand why she did so. That was the main voice in your mind, urging you to…understand. You locked the bathroom door gingerly, kneeling before the toilet. You retched, the feeling was awful. Nothing came up, but It shocked you to the point where you just started to hyperventilate and cry as you fall onto your ass and sat on the marble floors. ‘Why’d you do that, y/n? You shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t have—’
You couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful this was for your sister, this was barely anything at all. After some time, you fished your phone out from your pocket. You were barely calming down and you needed Janis. You didn’t care how you were claiming you’ve been doing okay anymore, because you weren’t. This thing, showed it clearly to you. You needed someone.
“Janis—” Your breath hitched, “Jan, can you come over please?”
She didn’t even have the chance to reply.
“Please, I need you, please.” You were crying again.
Your phone falls from your hand after you heard the dial tone, you zoned out feeling absolute shame and disgust by your own decision to even think about doing that in the first place. You knew what you had to do— you had to let Dr. Cree know, you needed to squeeze in another session with your therapist this week on top of your usual two. But right now, you couldn’t even move. And you didn’t. You didn’t move until you heard knocks on your bathroom door which jolted you out of your thoughts. “Baby, it’s me.” Janis says. You sniffed, standing up unsteadily to unlock the door. She opens it a crack and you move out of the way so she could fully open the door. Seeing how distraught you were, she envelopes you in a hug instantly, rubbing your back in a soothing motion. “Hey, hey it’s okay. I have you, baby. I have you.”
You cried buckets as she held you in her arms without question.
Eventually, you and Janis sat in your bed and you started to explain all that went down before you called her to come over. “I…am texting my therapist now to get another session scheduled so I can dissect this and figure it out.”
“That’s good, baby.” She held your face in her hand, pressing a kiss to your lips before you snuggled up against her. “It’s a very difficult thing you’ve had to deal with, pretty much being the main person looking out for Regina. You have done a damn good job making sure she was being taken care of, you know? You stepped up, you shouldn’t have to, but you did. Because you love your sister, and believe me when I say this: Things will get better eventually. It’s a whole process and it might seem like it’s taking forever, but Regina is so fucking strong, she knows there’s more to life than what she’s struggling with.”
“Thank you.” You wrap your arms around her, “I— I know that, but sometimes I really just need to hear it. So, yeah— thank you.” You ended up fully laying on Janis, your legs kind of straddling her while your head rested on her chest. She kisses the crown of your head, “Do you want anything? Takeout? It’s dinnertime soon.”
“Sure.” You hummed, getting increasingly sleepy in her presence, “Not sure what I want though.”
“That’s okay, leave that to me.” She chuckles, looking down at you in adoration, “Wanna nap?”
You nodded, “Mm, yeah.”
“Okay, close your eyes, honey. Rest up.” She gives you another kiss on the head, running her fingers through your hair and scratching your scalp— very effectively coaxing you to sleep. Once you fell asleep, Janis was looking through the food delivery app on her phone to decide what to order in for dinner. She knew for sure that June wasn’t going to be home tonight.
————
“It’s not unheard of for caregivers to imitate— for the lack of better words, the affected person’s behaviour, oftentimes coming from a point where they wish to understand the reasoning or the feeling. However, unlike them, you, the caregiver know that it is wrong. Though both you and your sister are both seeking help from mental health professionals, it’s for very different reasons. She is mentally ill because of her anorexia, her bulimia. You, like we both know, are seeing me to deal with anxiety. They’re very different, rather tough in their own ways but equally valid to be seeking help for. In fact, it’s right to— it’s beneficial to get help. It is difficult to get to the first step, to ask for help. But you’ve done it, and so has she. You guys are both on the right tracks.”
“I had a completely just— worst panic attack of my life after it hit me what I was doing. I called Janis, she came over and then I managed to come down from it pretty quickly. But I just thought it was the right thing to do to get another session with you so I could work through the complexity of it all.”
“You did the right thing talking to me about it. Knowing you need to talk and when you need to talk is amazing. You have improved a lot, y/n.”
You nodded, giving her an appreciative smile.
“Your decision to cut down on the number of visits to your sister, I think it will be good for you. You’re not responsible for caring for her like you had to prior to her hospitalisation. You have to lead your own life too, y/n.”
“I hear you. It’ll take a bit of time and willpower to get used to, but I’ll try my best.”
She nodded, “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”
“Actually, uh, yeah. Last night, I had sex for the first time— ever. And it was…great but then when the sobriety hit me, so did the guilt.”
“Why do you think you felt the guilt?”
You chewed the inside of your cheek, picking at your nails, “I guess…because my mom and dad have always told me sex was not a ‘good’ thing. That I should never do anything until I was married.”
“Did you both consent?”
“Yes.” You nodded, staring at your nails instead of keeping eye contact with your therapist.
“Did you feel listened to? Seen? Or instead pressured in any way— for anything?”
“No. Janis was great, she really talked to me before we even did anything to make sure boundaries were set for both of us. Everything went really well, it was just the after that I started to freak out because—”
“Because?” She prompted.
“…Because I couldn’t let go of my parents’ opinion and live my life the way I want to.” You let that out. “It scares me that they are so strict about that. A part of me understands they probably just want to keep me safe, but I do feel so safe and loved by Janis. So I said yes. Actually, I initiated the thing. I asked if we could do it. Then after everything, she took care of me. You know? I felt good, it was better than I could’ve ever imagined it to be.”
“And that is absolutely fine. It’s great. But yes. Sex can be intense, it is intimate and it may seem daunting, but like you said— you were safe, and listened to and cared for. That’s all you need to focus on instead of someone else’s. It’s your life, you deserve the freedom as you see fit. You know how to speak up for yourself, y/n. You have the tools, the courage, the capability to deal with that and any moments where you feel low. But as always, you have to also remember that you can always contact me.”
“I do.” You chuckled, “Yeah I do.”
“I think this a good place to close today’s session, isn’t it?”
“Yep.” You agreed, “Thanks, Haley.”
“Of course. I’ll see you Friday?”
“You will.” You confirmed, “Janis is coming with me.”
“Ah, then I look forward to finally meeting her. Take care, y/n.”
You left the office feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and with much more clarity on just about everything. You drove home, took a shower and made yourself dinner. You hopped on a FaceTime call with Janis in the meantime.
“How was your session today?”
“Very good.” You told her while stirring the pasta in the pan. “Really, I talked about everything I needed and wanted to talk about, worked through them. Didn’t cry— which is another huge thing. She smiled, “I’m glad to hear that, baby. What ya making?”
“Pasta.” You answered happily. She gasps dramatically, “Can I come over?”
“You want to? Sure.” You nodded, grinning.
“Carbonara?”
“Yeah.” You couldn’t help it but chuckled.
“With Bacon Spam instead of bacon?” She asks eagerly.
“Mhm.”
“I’m on my way. My mom and dad aren’t home right now anyway- business trip.” Janis decided.
“Alrighty, see you soon.”
She stayed on the call the whole way over. Literally, right until she was on your front porch.
You opened the door and she just tackles you into a hug. “Missed me?” You joked.
“Of course.” She nearly snorted laughing.
“Oh yeah?” You continued.
“Yeah.” She nodded, grinning mischievously. You knew what was coming— she was going to kiss you all over your face. And she did, you giggled, as always. So she just does it more, all while clinging onto you. “Hi, cutie.”
“Right on time.” You grinned, “I’ve just plated the pasta. You want garlic bread?”
“Only if you add some cheese.” Janis shrugs.
“We’re both lactose tolerant.” You stated.
“It’s okay, we have a half day tomorrow.”
“I thought you’d be with Damian.” You told her while taking out a roll of garlic bread from the freezer and the bag of shredded cheddar and parmesan mix. You put them on a tray and popped it into the oven.
“Well, he’s on a date, so is everyone else we know.” Janis pulled out a chair for you, you sat down then she does the same opposite of you.
“Everyone?” You asked back. “Us too?”
“I know you’re joking, but I can be pretty romantic, y/n.”
“Oh I have no doubt about that, babe.”
She wasn’t kidding— she lit candles and dimmed the lights while you tried to start eating your food.
“See? Any night can be date night.”
“This is nice.” Your lips tug into a smile. She smiles back then dug into food.
After dinner, you and Janis decided to bake some cookies while jamming out to both your favourite songs. “Chocolate chips?” Janis asked, peeking into the pantry.
“Dark and white chocolate.” You nod.
“Ooh, okay. Are we gonna make both?”
“Just dark chocolate chip cookies, but I’ll be adding a bit of white chocolate chips into the dough. I’m going to see Regina tomorrow so I thought I’d bring by a few for her— it’s her favourite. We used to bake a batch every weekend.”
“Aw.” Janis set down the two bags on the counter, “I think she’d really like that.”
You smiled, grabbing ahold of the measuring cup, “Will it be bad if I want you to stay over?”
“Why would that be bad? We can just get up a little earlier so I grab my bag on our way to school tomorrow. I don’t live that far away.” She squints.
“I just— don’t wanna seem…clingy.”
“Oh, no, no, no. You can cling onto me as much as you’d like. I love holding you.” Janis took the cup from the kitchen scale and dumped the flour in a big mixing bowl.
You pondered for a few seconds, taking a deep breath, “I uh, I still have these moments sometimes, that’s not good, you know? Talking about myself like that.”
“You got this, don’t worry about any of that when you’re with me. We can talk about anything— we always do.”
————
After school the next day, Janis drove you to the hospital as planned last night. While you walked into Regina’s hospital room, Janis sat in a plastic chair outside in the hallway after smooching you on the cheek. You also had to check with Regina’s nurse to see if she could have any outside food— she was allowed, so that was great.
“Hey, baby.” Regina looks up from her book in hand, setting it down as she locked eyes with you. She was in a good mood.
“Hi, Reg.” You mirrored her smile, “I brought you a new book, and some cookies— your favourite.”
“Aw.” She says, reaching out to grab your hand, “You didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to, it’s fine.” You chuckled, your eyes then noticing this paper chain hanging behind your sister on the wall.
“That is a little project one of my nurses had me do.” She realises, “I’ve been here twenty-two days now, so each loop represents one day— yellow means it was a good day, no restriction, no purging, orange means things were a little tough but nothing happened, and pink is the…worst case scenario.”
More than half the paper loops on the chain were yellow and orange. You were proud of how much better she seemed to be doing already.
“How was the book I brought you last time?” You asked.
“I’m nearly at the end of the book already, not much to do around here. So I’m very happy you brought me another one.” She shrugs, “Could you hand me the Tupperware?”
You took the Tupperware from the table you had set it down on, and gave it to her. She opened the lid and took a cookie out to eat it, “You want one?”
“Sure.” You nod, taking one for yourself as well.
“Did you give these to my nurses too?”
“No, I got them prepackaged snacks, I wasn’t sure if they could accept homemade food or anything.”
“Right.” Regina laughed lightly, taking a bite of the cookie as she set the container down on her bed, “Wait, you’ve been seeing Haley, right?”
“Yeah, I have.” You confirmed, “And I also decided that I’m going to come by a little less frequently.”
“Absolutely, you gotta do your own things too.” Regina agreed. “I would very much rather have you be busy with things that you like to do than come here too often. The environment can be a little intimidating and depressing not gonna lie. It’s also a hotbed for bacteria and infections, so— please don’t get sick.”
“I hear ya, Reg.” You chuckled over your words.
“Is that Janis outside?” Regina squints.
“Yeah. She drove me here but wasn’t sure if you’d want her in here.”
“She can come in if she wants, would be nice to see faces I actually know rather than a bunch of people who I’ve never even met before my stay here.”
“I’ll call her in.” You nod, shrugging before you got up from the plastic chair and got Janis to join you and Regina.
“Hey.” Janis waved.
“Hi.” Regina gave your girlfriend a tight-lipped smile, “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been pretty good. Having a lot of fun with your sister playing house. How’s therapy?”
“Janis!” You chided in a whisper.
Regina laughs though, “Actually, I’ve never been better. Sure my sessions went from one to like, three a week but that means I have ample time to work on myself. I’ve been struggling with all of it for so long, I’m actually just…relieved to be starting to get free from the claws of that horrible disorder. I want to get better, I know I am getting better but my main worry now is my ‘bad days’. I don’t want that, I’m not even thinking about that and sometimes they creep up on me and I don’t even realise.”
“Like you said, you are getting better. Which only means you’ll only improve more and more from this point.” Janis quipped.
Regina smiled appreciatively, “Thanks, I appreciate that. And for keeping my sister sane.”
You snorted, “Sane? She drives me insane.”
Janis’ mouth hung open, “What?”
“I don’t need to know that part. But, um— okay, good for you.”
“The first thing that comes to your mind is, that?” Janis teased.
“There’s no shame in that, come on.” Regina laughed heartily.
After a bit, you and Janis head home. Taking a shower, you decided you wanted to nap, so that’s what you did. Janis sat next to you, watching TV while you drifted off to dreamland feeling the soothing motions of Janis’ hand running up and down your back.
When you woke up, Janis was asleep next to you, laying on her stomach but faced towards you. You couldn’t help but smiled at the sight, pressing a kiss to her cheek before you got out of bed to see what you could make for dinner.
The decision? Spam Musubi. Low-effort, and doesn’t take long to make. So you were pretty sure you’d be done before Janis woke up. Plus, she’d get a little taste of home.In fact, you wound up having more than enough time to spare so you tried out a new cookie recipe that you were going to make for Regina at the next visit. You decided that every visit, you’d bring her a new flavour of cookie and a new book, just to keep things fresh. You knew she’d appreciate it.
Her hard work paid off. Over six months later, Regina was finally allowed to come home and continue her treatment outpatient. Your mom actually picked her up from there and drove her home. That surprised you because you weren’t so sure if you saw her do anything more than pay for the bills and expenses thus far. While they were on their way home, you and Janis made lunch. The rest of the group hung around and decorated the place before she got home.
You all hear a car pull into the driveway soon enough then the front door opens. “We’re home!” June announced.
Regina saw you first, and quite literally fought to hug you first. It made you laugh, but you took the win. “Hi, baby.” Regina hugs you tightly, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “It’s so good to be back home. Hi, guys. Thanks for doing this.”
“It’s nothing.” Gretchen beamed, “Good to have you closer to us again, G.”
Regina smiled back, giving the girl a hug. “So nice to see you, Gretch.”
Everyone else got a hug too, and as surprised as they were by the affection, they could take it. They would take a surprising hug any day over a fainting spell.
“Did you make cookies?” Regina gasped.
“Take a look for yourself.” You poked her on the arm. She held onto your hand while you all headed over to the kitchen/dining area.
“Holy shit.” Regina chuckles tearily, “Baby, this— I love it. I fucking love it. Thank you.”
Her favourite cookie flavour, big enough for everyone to share and in the shape of a rose. A white rose…Regina’s favourite flower. A flower that also symbolises new beginnings. How fitting.
“Okay, let’s dig in.” Regina declared, “They must’ve spent such a long time preparing all this. Guys— the place looks amazing, so does the food. Thank you, I really appreciate you all for doing this and sticking by me.”
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💭A/N: Upload attempt number 3🥲 (please don’t disappear AGAIN)
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bnuyy · 1 year
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🌸. . .
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goldkirk · 24 days
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past me squirreled away so many little bread crumbs over the years to lead me back to information and records and things that I kept that I didn’t consciously allow myself to understand I might need someday again
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autisticlee · 2 months
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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bellatrixnightshade · 3 months
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okay i just wanted to say that if I come off as short or snippy it's most likely (most likely, key word) not directed at anyone here, just some annoying shit going on with work and stuff. Stronger language in the upcoming days (if I post stuff) as well.
also i may feel frustrated more easily so i warn you about that too
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clownov · 1 month
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transmasc experience of wearing an incredibly fcking cute outfit that gets lots of compliments & smiles from women strangers just to lie on the floor & cry as soon as u get home because it feels so fucking Gross™️
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juni-ravenhall · 4 months
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ppl drawing comics being like ohh my story is so serious and psychological and about humanity and being alive and my characters are unique with their own unique problems (doesnt draw any fat people. draws 1 fat person and they are a cringe creep. draws 1 fat person and theyre a joke. only draws a few old people fat who arent important to the story nor meant to be cool or attractive. all the unique psychological philosophical characters are skinny and pale skinned. the most important ones are blond and blue eyed)
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the-sunshine-dragon · 15 days
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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months
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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately
#art#i'll be yapping in the tags#its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually#ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear#“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic#in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that#but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess#we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen#i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live#but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean#the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet#it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before#i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs#the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze#now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of#im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it#because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment#i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes#i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then#i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it#perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills#and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain#perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing#one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck#but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane#next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century#thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye#i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft
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lucifer · 11 months
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I’ve legitimately had a rotten day today. :(
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kaleighkarma · 11 months
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I’m crying in the club over how much I love my friends
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there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.
#i lowkey had an awful day today lol#and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it#there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for#the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the#creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so#aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to#cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was#like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was#idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and#everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers#couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high#school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk.#it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and#ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol#so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed#to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the#song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol#sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk
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