AITAH For accusing my former best friend of trying to break up my relationship, and promptly ending our thirteen-year long friendship?
Posted 18th of May, 2021
I (18 M) need some outside opinions.
Background information. I have been best friends with Pow (18 F) since we were six, I first met her when my Godfather Benny introduced me to his best friend's newly adopted daughters. Both girls had been in the foster system for nearly a year after their parents died, and were lucky enough to get adopted out by their Godfather Van after he was able to track them down and prove to the courts and children's services that he was a safe option.
At first, I was a little intimidated by the older sister, we'll call her Daisy (she's named after a flower and I don't think she'll appreciate me using her real name) because she seemed angry at everyone but quickly put on a friendlier face when she saw how nervous I was.
When I saw Pow, I felt an instant attraction to her (not romantically, I was just interested in how pretty her blue hair was) and ended up spending our first encounter trying to get her to open up and talk to me. She was traumatized by the past year and had turned silent as a result. I felt so proud when I finally got her to smile and giggle, we became thick as thieves afterward, she was my best friend.
We shared everything together, our interest in academics, such as art, mathematics, video games, dancing, robotics, computers, and later DND.
There were some things we did separately. Pow competed in gymnastics, and I would take part in skateboarding competitions. And without fail always came to each other's thing to show our support.
Pow had some difficulties with her older brother Lo (fake name), he constantly took his frustrations out on her and everyone pretty much gave up on him ever getting a clue and stopping. So, we all tried to get Pow to stand up for herself, we figured if she stood up to her "bully" then he would learn to back off. However, Pow was a shy one and never spoke up for herself. As a result, she was hesitant around others and had difficulty making any friends outside of myself.
This became more apparent once we got to high school. We had a few classes away from each other and in these classes, I made some new friends, from there I got convinced to join the basketball team when some of my new friends told me it could help with my college perspectives. In lieu I convinced Pow to try out for the cheerleading squad, as per my new friends' advice, I made it onto the basketball team but Pow didn't make it onto the squad which I was surprised by because she's a pretty decent dancer.
Because I was on the basketball team, I wasn't able to participate in most of the same clubs as Pow and ended up moving on from these interests to focus more on my future, which is understandable because I can't spend every day playing make-believe anymore.
Pow was set in her ways however and seemed to want to continue playing make-believe and seemed determined to hate my new friends. She constantly avoided them and would rather sit alone during lunch than hang around me when they were around, she would always get a sour look on her face whenever they were around me (which was a lot of the time) and would decline invitations to hang out with them, she made no effort to get to know them properly and this hurt. But I still persisted with our friendship because, despite everything, I do care for her.
And then I met my now GF Kara (not her real name), Kara is sweet and funny, she writes me poems and little love notes with cute little love hearts and takes her academic future seriously. She has been trying to convince me that my friendship with Pow is toxic and understands why I couldn't just end the friendship but says that I wouldn't be the bad guy if I did.
I would get uncomfortable whenever she brought this up, but more and more recently I began to see things from Kara's perspective, albeit guiltily. I brought up my concerns with Daisy and her GF, and they were convinced that Pow is probably a bit possessive considering their own problems with her. Pow hates Cat (the GF) and even made her cry after Cat made an offhanded comment about law enforcement that seemed to trigger her. Daisy promised to speak to Pow about everything after everything between them had cooled down, she and Daisy got into a massive blowup about making Cat cry, something that Cat was feeling seriously guilty about.
So, when, three days after Kara and I decided to become official, Pow pulled me aside during lunch and confessed that she "loved me" and didn't want to just be friends anymore. I lost it.
I actually shouted at her in the middle of the lunch crowd and shamed her in front of the whole school. I called her a "possessive psychopath" who can't let anyone be happy, she pretended to look confused and asked what I was talking about, and I reminded her I was in a relationship as in I have a girlfriend. She managed to conjure up some tears and said that she didn't know, but I wasn't falling for it. I flat out, told her that I was done with her and this "friendship" and left her standing there.
At the time I couldn't feel anything but angry, and vindicated. My friends were laughing and joking about the situation, and Kara was super cuddly with me and kept asking me if I was okay and saying that I didn't do anything that wasn't due.
But now I'm questioning myself, with the anger cooled off. All I can see is Pow's sad doe-eyed look and the sound of the rest of the school snickering at her. She didn't turn up for classes for the rest of the day, and on my way home I heard a group of girls sl** shaming her.
Zer, my one new friend that Pow actually gets along with, called me an AH, and she thought I was a better person than that, and that she was now reconsidering her friendship with me.
So, Reddit. AITAH for ending a toxic relationship?
(This is a fanfic, please read tags)
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i have a paper to write but. i cannot stop thinking about musa and stella. their dynamic is SO underrated…
they both have such strong personalities except musa is a lot more understated and subtle while stella is more exuberant and outgoing!! but in a subversion of expectations, stella is so down to support musa being in the spotlight — like in their s2 red fountain performance where stella did backup vocals/dancing while musa sang her heart out.
they both have familial issues & come from very different backgrounds, which simultaneously threads them together through a commonality and then sets them apart. for example, they both understand somewhat unconventional family dynamics and the absence of a parent, their mothers. stella’s parents were so busy arguing and just generally being unhappy in their relationship that they overlooked stella and how they made her feel and how their actions affected her. the loss of stella’s mother in her life is something we can infer that stella has had very little room to openly discuss with her parents, and so she has all of these internalized and idealized hopes for a future that we know will never come to pass. but she’s navigating these feelings without proper support from luna and radius. similarly, after musa’s mother’s passing, musa’s father reacted to his grief without taking into account how these events affected musa. ho-boe blamed music for matlin’s passing and so he rejected it completely, imposing that will upon musa and straining their relationship because of it. musa’s only avenue of feeling close with her mother is through music, but her feelings are disregarded and so she has to navigate this relationship with music and also her late mother all on her own.
however, for stella, she is a princess and her parents are merely divorced; so, although she rarely sees her mom and her parents don’t get along, she still has the option to go see her. i think you could say, on top of needing to be charismatic and charming as a leader, stella’s exuberant personality might’ve developed as a result of her wanting more of her parents’ attention, to be seen and understood by them. i think the 4kids dub may say otherwise, but i think it’s fairly clear that musa comes from a more modest background. and contrastingly to stella, musa has completely lost her mother and so their connection is almost…spiritual? and introspective. without her father’s guidance and understanding, musa would more have to retreat into herself. still, both of them are individuals with strong senses of self—their specific familial situations have simply informed their coping strategies and the personalities they’ve developed.
with or without that background in mind, i also just love the way stella and musa’s personalities play off of each other! because of their strong personalities, they’re prone to disagreement and small clashes. musa’s more sensitive, while stella is—although well-intentioned—more thoughtless with her words. i find musa to be more measured, but perhaps equally as blunt at times. these personality differences might result in small but realistic bumps and tiffs within their friendship, but they also have a shared understanding of one another that gives their relationship a strong foundation. and again, despite musa seeming more chill and stella seeming more prone to wanting the spotlight, stella is absolutely musa’s cheerleader!
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