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#but ugh that feeling in stomach
amerasdreams · 2 years
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Drinking too much makes you feel sick and weighed down so you gotta find that perfect knifes edge where your face is relaxed and not tense for once and you can just. Relax. But only at nighttime otherwise your ability to think would be impaired and you have to think to function at all but your thoughts attack you constantly and FEELINGS and the only way you can get some peace is lay in a chair watching a movie and drinking a little wine helps you just. Focus on that. World fade. Thanks. Don't come back
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puppyeared · 10 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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cishetlessfashion · 7 months
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Ok so uh this is kind of embarrassing for me but I'm questioning being objectum... I've always been posic (Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness) bc I become very attached to objects, especially plushies and toys, consider them friends and family, etc I had strong crushes and toys when I was a kid/tween, that faded as I became a teenager and I didn't experience it again until I was an adult, so I just figured it was a phase and didn't think much of it again... Until I got that Gloomy Bear plush backpack I showed on here, Salmon, I uhhhhhh think I might have a crush on him lmao, maybe even be sexually attracted to him, but I have kind of a mental blockage from trauma/low sex drive/probably grey asexual so that's more complicated for me to figure out I have a boyfriend of 5 years and Idk how I would bring this up or explain it to him, we're polyam, and Salmon is just a plushie, so I could just not disclose this to him at all, but I love him and would like to involve him in my personal life, so if Salmon ended up becoming my partner I'd ideally like to let him know about that... Honestly idk why this is so embarrassing for me to discuss with friends and loved ones, I already told them I'm into monsters, generally identify as non human, have xenogenders, and a bunch of other weird shit going on, but idk having to admit I'm questioning my sexuality over a backpack just seems so ridiculous rvuneisfjudifisjjsjfoaz Idk I guess for now I'll just enjoy Salmon's company and try not to worry about it
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alluralater · 7 months
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just finished moving around/reorganizing my entire bedroom. i have cried three times today but now i’m laying in bed, my room smells of roses, and i’m eating french bread. this was not the bipolar hot girl mania i was promised but damn if i don’t do it well
#i haven’t been sleeping well at all whatsoever for the past two weeks and it’s gotten to the point where my dreams are so vivid but not just#like ugh i can’t explain it on here because im not about to open a whole can of worms like that in my tags and be like revealing#family secrets.#essentially i am having normal dreams but they are horrendously vivid and of no real purpose.#i woke up fucking like completely upset this morning and then started crying#my roommate thinks it’s because i haven’t been sleeping + everything else going on#and like ya know what she’s PROBABLY right#but even still i just need my body to LISTEN TO ME and stop being all sensitive!!!#i legitimately almost texted the loml this long text today and thank fuck i didn’t because who knows where that would lead#but i’ve been having dreams about them too and it’s frustrating me. like the universe is trying beyond all measure to push us back together#and i just have to keep saying no. it’s like this test of morality except it never fucking ENDS and the consequence is actually pleasure and#relief beyond measure. like— to even just kiss them again? to hear them say my name again.#whenever we’re out at the same time i can feel them staring at me and i can see them in my peripherals watching me#just fucking forcing this love into me. the feeling of their hands on my body and all of their questions about how i’m doing#god i can feel all of it.#i nearly fucking threw up last time a few weeks ago when they kept watching me and i got so overloaded with emotions and my fucking stomach#wouldn’t stop turning. but anyways right like— i cannot be with them and i don’t want to be. like yes im still attracted to them and yes i#feel all of these feelings but it stops me dead in my tracks when i remember what they said and the things they did.#i am not the woman who bends my convictions because i love someone. i can’t be that person. i won’t be that person. not for anyone and#not for them. but i see them in my dreams anyways and it is all too real and too present. it’s hardly ever the present so why. why why why?#it makes me terrified thinking that i will one of these nights just say yes and they’ll kiss me and everything that means anything in myself#will virtually mean nothing. like i won’t be a good person because i’ve knowingly allowed them to have me.#so anyways yeah and the fact that my snapchat memories and everything else are just FILLED with pictures and videos of us is killing me.#i really am scared that i’ll just give in. and what worse is that i would just double down and not tell anyone. i wouldn’t fucking#tell a soul if we did anything because i just know it isn’t right. and the fact that i know i wouldn’t be honest means i KNOW it’s bad.#so what the fuck. the fuck am i supposed to do when i have all these dreams and even just the ones about my mom and my brother#my family- i want to talk to them about it. i want to fucking cry to them and tell them how much it hurts that they hurt people and i’m just#some occasional exception to that because they love me. and i want to fucking scream. i want to know why. i want to fuck them until they#can barely breathe and then do it all over again. i want to feel their perfect fingers inside me and i want their mouth on mine. i fucking#HATE that they couldn’t be a good person. ugh okay anyways why did you read this??
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faceglitchsworld · 5 months
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How to make an adorable cute live: Lee Keonhee Edition
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josecariohca · 1 month
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zarvasace · 1 month
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If Spotify shuffle don't got me I know wind waker orchestrated by marcus hedges trend orchestra got me
Also they have BotW and TP now so I'm just set
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starlooove · 6 months
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Racist white ppl who don’t realize they’re racist getting mad about gojo is so funny
#y’all do the same shit#making them hot cheeto girl edits using AAVE USHER!!#helloooooo call in house etc.#but also I’ve been saying this for awhile#where ppl don’t want complicated characters or interesting arcs bc then they have to think about themselves#I’m not just yapping y’all u can look back#this is the second time feeling so vindicated#bc when it happened with Sokka and everyone was confused I literally said this is a product of this mindset#like grand scheme the reason they removed that from Sokka is that y’all can’t stomach ur faves having biases even when they improve#look at how y’all are reacting to gojo#I may tell a joke but I will never tell a WHAT#well no I lie a lot sorry#anyways point is y’all running to say gojo isn’t racist even tho the point of the scene is him unlearning that bias#and then turning around and saying you want complex characters#like it’s so telling when the only flaws u give ur characters is insecurity and maybe assholeish tendencies that don’t actually mean a lot#like y’all want these ppl to be you till they’re actually you#ugh#anyways y’all are so lucky I resisted adding my hate for another character for this#you ALRDY know who#just know he’s in here too#oh obvious obligatory duh ppl didn’t write sokka or gojo bc of eachother I’m talking about behavioral trends across media consumption dont#piss me off like with the way y’all act I wouldn’t be surprised#I’m not saying they’re related Like linearly or whatever I’m saying this shit isn’t coming out of nowhere it’s YOU!
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natasha-in-space · 5 months
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[ She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin ]
Sometimes I wonder how Chaewon has to look back on all of her choices that led her to her current path. Isn't it ironic how the same hands that used to heal and soothe, now are bruised and caked with blood? I feel like it'll hit her especially hard after a particularly rough cleansing ceremony she has to officiate. What would her past self think, if she knew this is how she would end up? Anyways, Love Me Dead by Ludo is such a Chaewon song.
Used ref. by KGA Art Class
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conschintz · 7 days
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finally reinstated. lots of mixed feelings. grateful my family can talk to me again but. it feels like i've betrayed myself and i hate it
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guinevereslancelot · 8 months
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job interview this morning! 🫠😭🙃😬🤢😐👍
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chappellrroan · 7 months
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it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames
#preacher's daughter both family tree songs#how she says in family tree “heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned and baby hell don't scare me i've been times before”#and western nights “i would hold the gun if you asked me to but if you love me like you say you do will you ask me to?”#the whole house in nebraska song UGH#the outro of hard times i am tired of you still tied to me bleeding whenever you want too tired to move to tired to leave#american teenager gracie's cover i love you so so so so much i do it for daddy and i do it for dale i am doing what i want DAMN i am doing#it well#ptolemaea that stop scream i am the face of love's rage blessed be the daughters of cain bound to suffering eternal through sins of their#fathers commited long before their conception that whole outro in general#i tried to be good am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?....i just wanted to be yours? am i yours? am i yours?...if i am turning in you#stomach and making you feel sick am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? is just SO AGH#also god loves you but not enough to save you I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME#we know how it goes the more it hurts the less it shows but i feel like they all know and that's why i can never come back home and i spent#my life watching it go by from the sidelines and god i have tried but i think it's about time i put up a fight#and the instrumental songs their production is so so good#anyways yeah now i feel better if anyone is reading till here go listen to it thanks <3#it's great for people with family issues#v.txt
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userautumn · 7 days
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I can't believe I'm about to say this but fellas, I think I need to have a good cry
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peridyke · 1 year
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GOD i wish that some of the very first messages that we're fed as kids wasn't that its bad to be fat or to gain weight it feels impossible to delete that from your brain especially when its really aggressively reinforced for the rest of your life -__- i get so embarrassed about the idea of meeting old friends from high school because I've gained weight since then. or like honestly anyone who I haven't seen since I was a teenager like I get insecure about seeing other family and stuff it makes my stomach twist. and like I know my mom doesn't like that I'm bigger now and I feel like that's a disappointment for her and it makes me feel sick whenever I see her. I don't know i wish I could just make it go away and just be happy with myself it feels like I've been living in this insecure haze since I was 19 and I just want to feel like my old self again without having this constant sickening insecurity. sigh
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flohuman · 1 month
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...Why do I feel Sick all of a Sudden.
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withoutsiqht · 1 month
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calling out sick from work always makes me feel like shit mentally which blows because I know it's the best thing for me physically :/
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