#but we already know that’s not really about trans people’s welfare

[gloamses]

you know, there are plenty of kids getting dental veneers. I’m trying to look up studies on the regret rate of dental veneers, for anybody, whether adults or minors, and if they exist it’s impossible to find them because the marketing around cosmetic dentistry is so aggressive. they may not exist at all, idk. but there are huge numbers of anecdotal accounts of people experiencing terrible regret over veneers. are there studies on this? veneers are permanent. I mean, not exactly, you pay thousands to get them and then they wear down in 10-15 years whereupon you have to pay thousands to replace them again. but you can’t un-get veneers. you can’t undo filing your teeth down to get them put in. things going wrong with your teeth is a quality of life disaster, vastly under-acknowledged in healthcare and especially US healthcare, so if you regret your veneers and you’re stuck with them, you could be really miserable. yet, again, the marketing is aggressive and I know people who have had dentists recommend they get veneers for things like minor staining. weirdly no widespread moral panic or attempts at legislation over this

[rolandkaros]

i've been ruminating a lot on it because i think i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words but i need y'all to understand that while there are absolutely a lot of Not Good Things about the finals being held in saudi arabia for three years...the way people seem to treat is as morally black and white is shortsighted and unhelpful.

realistically the players traveling there will be protected. it may be uncomfortable, it's certainly not ideal, but they will travel there for a few weeks, play their tennis, then leave. there are a lot of women, a lot of queer people who actually live in saudi arabia who cannot just leave, who are actually subjected to laws and social climates...and to me it just seems very disrespectful to that actual lived experience, for everybody to sort of turn their noses up and get on their high horses. of course, if the players wish to opt out, that is their choice, but that is their choice to make. that's their judgement. not ours.

and then, what about a tournament like miami? florida is literally experiencing one of the worst active regressions that i've seen in the us (granted i'm young). things like critical race theory and lgbtq+ ed are being removed from curriculums, rights for trans youth, trans healthcare, etc. are going backwards. abortion rights? gun violence? and yes i know that the laws and climate in saudi arabia are different gravy, i understand that, but my point is, no one would ever DREAM of arguing against hosting a tournament in miami despite all of these issues. and we can extend this to a lot of other tournaments! i mean, all the outrage about fifa hosting a world cup in qatar, but we don't have any of these sentiments about doha? i've seen other people bring up that the finals were hosted in singapore when gay marriage was still illegal there. we've already talked about italy's fascist prime minister. and i could go on and on and on about the war crimes of countries like the us or the uk - is the us not participating actively in genocide right now? where is the standard? if you argue against hosting the finals in saudi arabia for the reason of human rights, to me it seems you have to uphold that standard for the location you do land on. and i can guarantee, you will not find a single country in the world with clean hands.

i want to be clear i am not arguing that hosting the finals in saudi arabia is a good thing, especially for three years, especially because it's definitely going there because of money, and not for any of the "good" reasons i think some people want us to believe about "improving the region" (which is very weirdly white savior-esque anyway). i don't really have an official "conclusion" to this discussion.

what i am arguing is that i think a lot of the protests against saudi arabiahosting the finals are more an example of implicit anti-arab bias and islamophobia, rather than genuine discussion. key word implicit: i don't think most people are purposefully trying to be anti-arab/islamophobic. or at least, i'd like to believe nobody is. but i also think, particularly in the west, there is already so much of this xenophobic sentiment ingrained. and this is why i think it's really really REALLY important to check ourselves when we talk about it instead of just jumping straight to the human rights conversation without a second thought.

i'll say it plainly: i don't think the finals should be held in saudi arabia. but for me, it has more to do with sportswashing, with the dangers of the way money is thrown around in sports, and because i think it's more evidence that the wta doesn't care about player welfare but rather about making a profit (what else is new). human rights are absolutely a concern of mine, but how is it fair to hold saudi arabia to a standard that we don't seem to care about for literally anybody else?

literally look at the us's ugly ugly history, past and present, and tell me why we deserve to host a tennis tournament.

[mbrainspaz]

but we /love/ you

my gran literally just said to me: Your mom and I can vote for whoever we want to and still love you!

me: Republicans have introduced over 200 anti-trans bills in 2022 and 2023. Republican legislators are currently actively pushing bills that would criminalize the existence of non-binary and trans people.

gran: Well they should stop those little 4 year old kids from getting their bodies changed.

me: THAT'S NOT HAPPENING. THAT'S ACTUAL PROPAGANDA. Ok, listen carefully—surgeries like that are not being performed on minors. It's already a thing that they have to wait until they're 18. That's already how it works.

gran: oh.

me: I'm not saying you have to vote democrat. I'm saying if you actually loved me, you would.

gran: It's actually democrats who are in power now.

me: This is state level politics I'm talking about. We live in a red state. But go on, tell me what big bad democrats in Washington have done to hurt you.

gran: Gas prices and welfare!

me: 🤦🏻

I hate everything. That literally is all boomer politics is in their 6-o-clock news poisoned shrunken brains. "Gas price go up when democrat." Her other point? F*cking 'welfare queens.' I kid you not. This lifelong forced birther who is living on social security because she and her husband are retired/unemployed just went on a rant about poor people 'having babies just to get more welfare checks'. WHILE TALKING TO HER RECENTLY HOMELESS AND STILL STRUGGLING GRANDKID WITH THREE JOBS this woman—who dropped out of 6th grade in '54 and can barely read but is suddenly america's top political advisor—tries to go on a rant about f*cking welfare. And yeah you know she meant impoverished black mothers, particularly. This all started because she made another attempt at inviting my mom to our margarita night on the proviso that I don't 'talk politics' because they 'don't care' about the politics that affect my life. I tried FOR 30 MINUTES just now to explain the concept of 'y'all not caring about the politics actually just tells me you don't really care about me'. And it sucks, but I have to live with that. What I don't have to do is spend the little time and energy I have outside of my corporate slave job and side hustles to mollycoddle the feelings of two people who are actively throwing me under the bus of their f*cked up political and religious ideologies.

gran: but we LOVE you!

me: then show it.

gran: HOW DARE YOU ASK US TO DO THAT.

me: ok so once more, the 'love' you are giving is actually harming me.

gran: name ONE time.

me: *lists several instances where they threw me under the bus, invalidated me, gaslit me, and disrespected me to my face, and explains how that was hurtful.*

gran: that's your problem—you dwell on things!

me: I don't have the memory of a concussed fish, you mean.

Anyway, we ended on me explaining for the millionth time that I don't feel heard, seen, or understood, and therefore do not feel loved. I said "I have, at this point, essentially written y'all a list of things you could do that would show me you love me, and every time you tear it up in my face and tell me to stop that" (but you still want me to show up for margaritas and put up with getting disrespected and stepped on for the rest of my life). To that gran said, "Make a list! Write it down for me. I'll read it." "Yeah... we'll see."

I mean, it's not gonna work. I've been talking openly about being non-binary for over 6 months and if you think a single person in my family has googled a single article or study about anything queer (other than maybe 'how do I un-trans my adult child, HELP!'), you're giving them too much credit.

So here I go—off to waste the rest of my afternoon writing a damn list (of shit that should be obvious) instead of working on my side hustles and getting my house clean before work tomorrow. This is why people go no contact. It's always, "oh, I'm not being loving enough? Do more emotional labor for me and then maybe we'll see if you deserve an ounce of dignity or respect!"

[oldguardleatherdog]

im begging you to rethink that pinned post. FAT TRANS PEOPLE are begging you to reconsider that post. none of us are telling you to be kinder to trump—we're asking you to be kinder to fat people. we don't deserve to be thrown under the bus for a dig at him that won't even hurt him. there are a million ways to insult him without talking about his weight. his weight is not why he is evil, and we are not evil for being fat. think about why this is even where you want to go with your insults. if the person taking away the rights of trans people was in a wheelchair, would you insult them with ableism? if the person taking away the rights of trans people was not white, would you insult them with racism? why would you fight bigotry with bigotry? WHO does this help?

we ARENT trying to muzzle you, or trying to assimilate. we are asking you not to use your comrades as cannon fodder. calling a fascist a fatass is not some kind of radical protest. the only people who will be hurt by it are the ones you claim are your friends. fat people in your life will hear you and think to themselves that you find their bodies worthy of mockery.

personally, i like to say that i look forward to using his future grave as a gender neutral bathroom. more creative insults are often stronger, anyways.

personally, i like to say that i look forward to using his future grave as a gender neutral bathroom

On that, we agree! The rest... not so much. I'm glad you didn't heap invective on me or tell me I'm a bad person in your reply so I'll share the following with you and ask you to hear me out.

This was my reply to a very snarky and very freshly-unwrapped-activist critic on another platform:

I'm not sure why, but many well-intentioned people - well, some of them are well intentioned, a lot of them chimed in to hurl insults and invective at me - have missed the point by an alarming and troubling country mile. You have jumped to the conclusion that my goal here is to somehow annoy Donald Trump, and that this indicates I am a hopeless, horrible, fat shaming thug. I resent that deeply. I grew up obese. I know what this is like. Do you really think so little of me, a lifelong gay activist with 37 years of service to the leather community fighting for our rights, someone you have never even met, that you think you can lob such a high-handed and patronizing sentiment my way with no regard for how I might feel? Check your human decency; you may be a quart low. If you got the impression that the intent of this post was to brigade Donald Trump, I'm not sure where to begin. The point is not about fat. The point is that as I stated, Donald Trump is our murderer. Our community is already suffering. People are fleeing, literally uprooting their life and moving everything in an economy where there is no money to spare, because of this onslaught against us. And you and others have to be so self-involved, so conditioned to respond with boilerplate sloganeering and empty SJW admonitions, that you put the feelings of a hypothetical few ahead of the thousands, the millions of us who are in danger right now? Sorry. I don't buy it, and your stubborn, nearsighted stance makes you and those who share your view complicit with Trump, Libs of TikTok, Chaya Raichik, Matt Walsh, Tucker Carlson, Elon Musk, Moms for Liberty, Gays Against Groomers, and every legislator who's pushing trans bans, drag bans, treatment refusal to LGBTQ+ people, and legislation being drafted RIGHT NOW that will remove ALL of us from participation in civil society. The purity culture that is in vogue in our community today is clearly dangerous to our welfare and our continued existence. As Al Gore once said to Bill Clinton, "You could get with the goddam program." I am not making fat jokes. I cannot say it any more clearly than if I were to tattoo it on my forehead. If you or anyone else is hurt, then grow a spine and thicken your skin. Activists need to be sensitive, not delicate. Neither I nor any other OG activist who marched 10,000 miles through the streets 30 years ago to save ourselves from AIDS is going to mollycoddle you or indulge you. If you're not currently in activist mode, you are wrong. If your priority is to put the potential hurt feelings of a very few ahead of the suffering of the forcibly detransitioned in Florida and the unspeakable plans that are being readied for a vote, you are complicit, along with everyone who holds that sentiment. If "body shaming" is your pet cause, well, enjoy being proud of your body when the Proud Boys show up with automatic rifles and assault weapons at a drag fundraiser in your town, as they have been doing regularly over the past year in Texas, Missouri, and the Midwest. What next? A benefit for Kiwi Farms at the LGBTQ+ Community Center? Spare me. I have no time or tolerance for this.

Soooooo, there you have it. That's not just a Wall O' Text - it's an entire amphitheater with seating for 100,000! And every brick is meant to be dismantled one by one, handed to every queer activist we've got, and thrown with velocity and vigor at the head of Donald J. Trump and all who want to see us beaten down and dead. Make sure your aim is true.

Thank you for writing, for asking, and for reading.

[satanfemme]

contemplating/venting about work under the cut

also. fuck my job for giving us such a low borderline-meaningless raise. I wanna know what kinda raise the CEO got this year. all the higher-ups are like "YAYYY!! you guys are making more now!!! isn't that so exciting ^_^!! see! we care about our employees!!" meanwhile it's still nowhere near enough to live on, all of my coworkers and I are poor as fuck, and the job is inherently emotionally/physically destructive. it's a sacrifice we all knowingly signed up for, but NOT for the "reward" of poverty. imho.

I have coworkers living with both a partner AND roommates just to afford one tiny apartment. one of my coworkers moved down the street from work to save on gas money (among other reasons). lots of us have side hustles, needless to say. whenever I mention having a whole studio apartment for myself, the first thing I'm always asked is "HOW?!?!?! how do u afford that?!?!?!" and of course the answer is "I don't, lol. nearly all of my paycheck goes towards it and then I take on debt to afford most other things". but I mean, look at that exchange, isn't that insane? an adult mentions to a co-worker that they're renting one (1) shitty room for themself and a dog to spend most of their time in, and the co-worker's immediate reaction is shock cause that's a fucking Luxury lifestyle? might as well say I own a yacht. but the reaction is literally rational and correct!!!!! it's so depressing. it's so so depressing that this is just reality. our CEO was making the equivalent of $80/hr last year. all the higher ups think we should be over the moon for $16/hour this coming year. what kind of raise did the CEO give themself? what will $16/hr cover a year from now really; in autumn 2023? cause in autumn 2022 it's already not covering much.

the deafening silence during our budget meeting, when all us wage employees were asked if we had any questions about the raise. we were previously told (tho, in no on-paper legally-binding way) it'd be to $17/hour. $17 was the Bare Minimum living wage for this area back in 2019. it's now 2022, and we were denied that wage. why? that's my question. but I didn't ask it either, obviously.

I know I'm not the only one feeling stuck and scared. every convo with my co-workers lately, no matter what topic it started with, has somehow turned itself into mutual grief of "I wish I weren't struggling to survive. I really like this job. there's no better animal welfare jobs in the area. this was my escape from a shitty animal welfare job. there's no guarantee that any other job, in any field, would let me be gay/trans/disabled/mentally ill/myself/etc the way I can here. many jobs would turn me away immediately. I feel overworked. I don't know how to afford things." ...and then I bring up the "CEO makes $80/hr" fact and lol. the unspoken tension that plain statement adds to the conversation.

I'd call myself a lil firestarter for it, but the info is public and easy to find. I'm surprised I'm the only one who did the math but I'm glad more people are becoming aware of it. the wage employees are the ones DOING the actual work here, u know? the paperwork, and blog posts, and emailing bestie PETA (ugh), and handshaking the governor (who's actively attempting to pass transphobic legislation but shhhhh) are all very important for the business the cause as well I'm sure, but an animal welfare org would not EXIST without the laborers who know how to, you know, care for the animals. even at the expense of ourselves and our safety.

oops idk, is this rant getting mean? the higher ups are always very nice to me, I'm being a lil mean. but I had to help give a co-worker first aid the other day, and when we were like "hey, you clearly broke something, you're covered in blood, you're fading in and out of consciousness, and we don't know how long you were out before you were able to call for help. let's drive you to a hospital now." they refused to go anywhere but an urgent care clinic cause, u know, money? and then I clocked out late cause we're so overworked we can't afford a single detour during our shift like that. (and can't clock out til all the work is done ^_^). so yeah if I'm coming off a lil bit like a mean commie rn maybe that experience is why. I wonder how often the CEO gets injured on the job? do u think the $80/hr is to cover all those dog bites they get on the daily ... in their personal office space nowhere near the animals?

idk if we're gonna unionize any time soon, but I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. maybe that's the silver lining. still, it doesn't stop the nightmarish elephant in the room either. anywaysssss that's my rant for the day thx

[imsupposedtobearesponsibleteen]

I was put in a less than ideal situation and I'm mad about it

Hello, before I start telling you this story, quick tw; themes of suicide, self harm, bipolar disorder, and mental health services.

For the record, I have bipolar type 2, and I live with 3 girls. I'm a trans guy (this is relevant later, as is the next piece of information). For the past 5 weeks, my housemates have all been a little bit off. Couldn't put my finger one what, or why. this was, but they were. For the past 3 of those 5 weeks, the three of them have barely spoken to me, and the most I've managed to get out of them is "the next time you're in the living room, open the windows."

So, on Thursdays morning, i woke up to banging on my bedroom door and 2 men yelling. I check my phone, its 2am and I have 5 missed calls from a withheld number. At this point, I'm scared and confused, but know that if i don't answer my bedroom door, whoever is yelling is gonna come in my room (I have a funny thing about people in my room). I open my bedroom door to find 2 paramedics stood there. No hi, hello, no "we're here because of A, B, C," what I'm met with is "we know you have bipolar, are you taking your meds?"

At which point im like, what the hell? like what is this? whats going on? start from the beginning, what?

One of them then asks me if I know why they're there, and I'm like, well no, obviously, it's 2am and you've just woken me up whats happening?

The same guy then proceeds to tell me that the ambulance service have had a phone call from someone saying I was planning on taking my own life and that I was actively and "seriously" self harming (they were his words not mine, I don't believe that the way someone self harms or depth someone goes is a relevant factor in severity, but elitism in struggling i guess is where this guy was coming from?).

At which point i have to stand there and tell him I am fine, none of this is true and all of what he's been told is unfounded, baseless and a bit of a shock on top of the one I've already had.

The issue is, these paramedics are now doing a welfare check. They can't have me say "I'm fine" and then just leave at this point. So I'm put in the back of the ambulance and we sit there outside my house, and he does my obs. He starts to complain about how high my blood pressure and heart rate are, at which point I remind him of the situation that is currently happening to me and not him. I then have to speak to the crisis team and I get given a crisis appointment at 10:30 am.

I get on the bus at like, 8:15, but while I'm waiting, I send a message to the group chat for my house saying, "can someone please explain what the hell happened at 2am because I'm really confused and rattled."

I then have to explain the entire situation to them, who say that I shouldn't have been put through any of that. The only good thing that came out of me going there was figuring out that my GP had actually given me the wrong information about how to take 1 of my meds, so I'm happy about that so I can take it properly.

On my way back home, I get a reply. "We were concerned about your safety so rang 111 (non emergency general advice medical line in the UK) who told us to ring 999 (the UK solution to 911) so we did."

Bearing in mind that these people have bearly acknowledged my existence for the past month. Hardly. So I ask, "well, none of you have said you were concerned or anything really so like whats the deal? why didn't you ask?" They all see my message. Nobody responds. So I ask again, "none of you have expressed concern or worry, nobody gave me a heads up about the fact you'd rung 999 and Im very shaken and this entire thing could have been avoided if someone had asked, and none of you did, whats the deal?"

Turns out the three of my housemates and the rest of the wider friendship group have been talking about my mental health behind my back. One of them that I live with has admitted to going to university mental health advisors and other people about me and my mental health without talking to me first.

The exact quote "I didn’t decide to ring an ambulance out of the blue to traumatise you, I had been gathering professional advice for weeks on what to do, I met with a mental health advisor who told me to ring 111 asap and the rest was me following professional advice, I was doing what I was told was the correct procedure." In an earlier text she'd said, "I really hope you take on an active role in your own recovery and engage with the support from the uni."

A few things about these 2 statements; number one, I am receiving professional help from a psychiatrist and other professionals outside of the university, hence my bipolar diagnosis and stuff. There has been an assumption made that I'm not receiving help and I don't agree with it, and I can't quite tell if this comes from a place of "you're bipolar, why would you engage?" or if this comes from a place of "I haven't heard you talk about support in our 1 brief conversation about your bipolar so I'm assuming you dont have any." Either way, this comes off as passive aggressive, and shocking someone in a traumatic situation does not push them towards help, it can push them away from it.

Secondly, "I didn't do it to traumatize you." I'm telling you, you traumatized me. Intent isn't impact. The correct response to me telling you that's what you did is communication and acceptance, not deflection.

Thirdly. Lets not lose track that in all of this, i got the shock of my life on thursday morning, but my mental health has been a topic of discussion behind my back and without my consultation or consent for weeks. Nobody bothered to to tell me what was going on for weeks. I feel violated and like I can't trust anyone anymore.

The last thing is, there is no "professional advice on what to do" in this situation. I'll tell you why, the only person that can give me proper mental health support and advice in my situation is my psychiatrist and my GP where appropriate. The "professional advice on what to do" is based one a one sided opinion from a person that did not bother to ask me first and is sneaking around behind my back. If the mental health professionals who are genuinely involved in my care thought there was some sort of issue, trust me, that would have been acted upon if it hasn't already been.

I brought up the fact that I'm a trans guy at the beginning of this, and you are probably wondering what that has to do with anything is this scenario. The reason is, i go by my name with the people I live with and with a number of the charities I do work with, but I haven't got round to changing it legally. That affected the conversation I had with the paramedics because I then had to go through the entire process of telling them about that. Was not a conversation I wanted to have at 2am on a Thursday morning in that situation. I appreciate my housemates calling me my name, but they know my deadname, in that scenario I'd have rather them just have used that to save me the trauma. On top of that, my housemates don't know my student ID number, so if the person that referred me to mental health in the university (which I am going to decline if I get the email because I don't need their support given what I have already) I doubt they'll get in touch because I'm not sure they'll be able to find me because my name on the register is my legal name.

[dhaaruni]

The pendulum has swung from "only white women deserve bodily autonomy" to "everybody but white women deserves bodily autonomy" when in actuality, abortion is morally neutral and everyone deserves the right to bodily autonomy and abortion.

This isn't political strategy though, and I flat out don’t recommend that Democrats run on it. 

Politically speaking, Dems need to focus on people who are deemed "good" people who had abortions to the median voter (aka not to me or probably you). This means like, married women with malignant and unviable pregnancies, victims of rape and incest, pregnant teenagers who became very successful adults etc. and not like, poor women of color who already have kids and can’t afford another kid. The concept of welfare queens has permeated into American culture like people genuinely believe in it, and we still need to work within that framework and preserve and bring about as many rights as possible.  

I just really don't understand why abortion advocates and orgs maintain that poor women of color and trans men are going to worst impacted by abortion bans while rich white cishet women aren't. If their goal is to keep abortion safe, legal, and accessible, they need to acknowledge that people are going to care more about an issue if it impacts people they deem worthy of suffering and sympathy and we all know America is racist and otherwise bigoted. None of this is rocket science but we on the left have really lost the plot when it comes to enacting and maintaining progress and meanwhile the right is achieving their goal of 50 years thanks to their voting in every local, state, and federal election that entire time, and all we can do now is damage control. 

[the-descolada]

Penny and Winter as Symbolic Human Machines

So honestly, I’m really impressed by how well done the ending of RWBY Volume 8 was with regard to character arcs being fulfilled, especially for Penny and Winter. I’ve seen a lot of takes, some that I somewhat agree with, and some that I just don’t, that Penny’s death was “bad writing,” and I think that, subjectivity of what constitutes bad writing aside, this is ignoring a lot of aspects of V7/V8 that made for a very compelling narrative, and feels heavily based in just people wanting Penny to not have died.

And I get this! Penny is one of my favorite characters and I’m very sad that she died; however, I really actually loved how fitting her death was for her story and the broader story of RWBY as a whole, so I wanted to do a write-up of my whole rant on this so that people could read it and see my thought process for why this only made me love Penny’s writing more. I’m not necessarily going to ascribe value to the writing itself in this analysis, as that is highly subjective, but I am biased so that’ll shine through some.

V7 through V8 had a lot of moments that frankly I hadn’t picked up on right up until the end that worked to build a dynamic interplay between Penny and Winter’s characters. Specifically, Penny's role is of a literal robot becoming less of a machine in the thematic sense and more of a person throughout, contrasting with Winter, who, while she is helping Penny realize herself as more of a person and less of a tool, is going through the opposite experience herself. This is essentially textual - it’s explicitly said by Winter herself in less words during the Maiden power transfer scene in V8E14.

When we as the audience reconnect with Winter at the start of V7, she is firmly entrenched as Ironwood’s confidante and second-in-command, serving as a face of the Atlas military as it squeezes Mantle. It’s safe to say that not many Mantle citizens like her very much, but she is insulated from this and continues to follow orders without regard for the welfare of the people. Ironwood at this point is already extremely authoritarian, even though he hasn’t graduated to full on dictatorship and declared martial law yet, and his will is also imposed on her through bringing her into the fold with the chief purpose of grooming (god this word feels grossly fitting given their dynamic) her to become the next Winter Maiden.

Winter, despite holding a a significant level of power and authority due to her military rank, has very little agency in this decision. She insists that her choice to take up the duty as Ironwood ordered is something she’s grown into and chosen, but it’s alarmingly clear that this is not the case; nearly every action she takes in V7 is still fully in the purview of Atlas (read: Ironwood)’s goals. I would go so far as to suggest that Ironwood giving her this position within the military after she escapes her father’s influence is intentionally conditioning her to view him as the sole way out of an abusive situation, and to disguise the fact that this new situation is just as abusive as the first below the surface.

Penny’s role in V7 is completely in opposition to this; while she is still theoretically under the control of the Atlas military, she is presented as the Protector of Mantle and seems to be beloved by the people. Our immediate image of her in Atlas is one of emotion and caring; she is overjoyed to see her friends from Beacon again, and this continues throughout the volume as she talks about what it means to be a person with them, Ruby and Winter especially. When things start going wrong and she is accused of killing people through the doctored footage from the rally, she is horrified at the prospect of being seen as a monster and continues to make every decision with the aim of protecting everyone around her, even at the expense of what her “duty” to Atlas might be. It’s clear that she is growing into her own agency, rather than being beholden to what Ironwood wants for her, and this helps prove to herself that she is her own person, not simply a tool of the military, not a machine.

The climactic scene of V7 takes these two character arcs running in strained parallel and drives a wedge between them, even as they battle a common enemy side by side. Winter’s devotion to Atlas (read: Ironwood) results in self-destructive tendencies, uncaring for her personal survival if it would further a goal that she ultimately and ironically does not truly believe in. Penny, however, begins to entirely shake this duty, risking even the Maiden power going to Cinder if it means saving Winter from dying. To her, personal feelings (ding ding ding!) and personal friendships mean more than duty to a state, or even (as we see later) her own well-being. Self destructive tendencies aside, this loyalty to people she earnestly cares about, who earnestly care about her, is loaded with symbolism that separates her from the metaphor of machine.

The result of the V7 finale reinforces the track the two of them are on; Winter, having been molded into a machine of the military, fails in her duty, while Penny, who has begun to recognize herself more and more as a person, succeeds at keeping the power from Cinder. She still has a massive amount of self-doubt and deep-seated fear that she doesn’t count as a person, but the Maiden power, being the perfect thematic symbol of “maidenhood”, goes to her, proving her to be a “real girl” and reinforcing the ongoing narrative. Winter, battling her own mixed feelings over being chosen for the power, never questions this; it’s clear that she, too, recognizes that Penny “was always the real Maiden, while [she] was the machine.” This also reinforces Penny’s narrative being heavily trans-coded, but I think that’s pretty obvious and doesn’t need to be reiterated. The two of them part sides here, one remaining with the Atlas military and one actively rebelling against it.

As Ironwood starts going off the deep end at the end of V7 and throughout V8 and starts sacrificing everyone around him to fuel his own narrow and tyrannical view of how to save Atlas, Winter simply...falls in line. She is continually forced to follow harsher and harsher orders, and any choices she makes as part of that, with only two exceptions, still are entirely in service to Ironwood. She has become, in essence, a machine locked into a set path, a path she, conflicted as she may be, follows all the way up to a choice she cannot abide - mass murder. Even orders that would result in her sister’s closest friends’ deaths she follows unquestioningly - it’s unclear whether she would have actually gone through with it, since the option is taken off the table by forces outside her control, but she certainly says as much in her conversation with Marrow. Only the prospect of annihilating the entire city of Mantle finally snaps her off the track Ironwood has set her on, making her recognize that all of this has never been for Atlas at all, but for Ironwood’s own ego. Fittingly, finally seeing Ironwood as her enemy and not a savior, she is tasked with taking him down herself.

Contrasting this, Penny’s role in V8 is entirely one of rebellion. The entire volume is her building her agency more and more, making decisions based on what she thinks is right and what she values. She rarely listens to any one person telling her what to do; even her father, who she loves dearly, isn’t able to make her do something when her sense of justice is on the line. Ironwood no longer has his hold on her for the most part; any attempt at manipulating her into doing something against her own morals is met with defiance, supported by her friends’ love for her. She has to be outright hacked to be forced into doing his bidding, and she fights this all the way down, her own inherent personhood pushing back against this attempt to dehumanize her. In this sense, even her becoming organic symbolizes this; she and the people she cares about defy this dehumanization of her, finding a way to free her from the last remaining vestiges of Atlesian influence and further reclaiming her own agency.

And what does she do with that agency when she is faced with oblivion? She simultaneously affirms it by making her final choice in a desperate situation, defying Cinder’s attempt to rip her power away, and also gifts it in the form of the Maiden power to the woman who she is watching attempting to also shake the shackles of Atlas, symbolically showing Winter her own inherent humanity. This decision, though dire, is in recognition of what is most important to her: her friends. Even believing half of them are dead, she gives up her life to ensure the rest survive. In the final moment she has with Winter, she reassures her that she won’t be really gone: the memory of her choice and who she is as a person will live on through Winter’s continued choices, through her agency.

In the end, neither of them were machines; just two hurt people fighting back against a brutal world that sought to strip their agency away. The tragedy in this conclusion, that that brutal world took one of their lives away, is fought just as defiantly. Penny knows that gifting the power in her soul to Winter means that her death won’t be meaningless, that her agency will last beyond her mortality and might result in the world finally being freed from the threat of destruction. It’s because of hope, not despair, that she makes her final choice.

[clowngames]

I went to a protest last night. They had an open mic. I didn’t speak, but if I did, this is what I would have said

I’m going to be a bit mean to conservatives, if that’s okay with everyone.

Conservatives claim to care about protecting the unborn. They call themselves pro-life. I don’t think this is true.

Are conservatives pro-life when they advocate for the death penalty? Are they pro-life when they vote against making healthcare affordable to everyone? Are they pro-life when they campaign heavily against improving welfare? When they gut school funding? Are they supporting life when they wring their hands after a mass shooting and say “there’s simply nothing we can do”? Am I to believe they care about the sanctity of life when they pass laws designed to get trans people killed?

Conservatives do not care about the wellbeing of the living. Why should I be convinced they care about the wellbeing of the unborn?

This is not an accusation of hypocrisy. It might feel good to make that kind of gotcha claim, but I’m going for something more. Conservatives are lying about why they care about abortion. Lying to us, and maybe lying to themselves.

Conservatives care about punishment. That’s it. They view pregnancy as the punishment for the sin of a woman having sex. Why else would they say “if you don’t want a child, don’t have sex?” Why else would they support abstinence-only sex education, knowing it’s less effective at preventing pregnancies? Why else would they oppose birth control being included in healthcare? They want all sex to result in pregnancy, because the crime *must* be punished.

This is why conservatives campaign themselves as “tough on crime.” Why conservatives respond to accusations of police brutality with “that’s what you get for not following orders.” Why they don’t care if, or event want their policies to hurt who they view as “degenerates.” The poor, the queer, the disabled. Conservatives want to punish them for the sins they imagine transgressed.

I think about that Trump supporter who lamented that he wasn’t “hurting the right people.”

They don’t care about “when life starts.” They don’t care about “bodily autonomy.” Those are red herrings, distractions from what they really care about: punishment. They already believe that you can lose your right to life, and your autonomy, as a punishment for your actions.

Conservatives are not pro-life. They are pro-punishment. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can fight in terms they understand.

[antiloreolympus]

A Bunch of Anti LO Asks

1. I have a lot to say about lo’s writing so here we go:

1) there is so little foreshadowing. I can’t even name one instance other then Kronos being reawakened but that was a literal direct shot of it instead of it being hinted at. There’s very little to none at all ( correct me if I’m wrong.) 2) The pacing??? This all happens in 2 weeks but so much has happened and it’s all happened so slow it feels like it’s been at least a year ( in universe time.) 3) I feel like this has been said enough but using trauma as a way to move the plot along is literally the laziest thing I’ve ever seen.

I’m sorry if this is like hella stupid or something like that

2. i dont get why the writing in LO refuses to let persephone be dark and accepting of death/punishment, because isn't that what you need to show she's going to be a good queen? she seems terrified of the concept and keeps trying to find ways to reverse them, which goes against the whole point of ruling over the dead and even something in myth hades DID NOT like, so its weird to keep making her the opposite of what she's supposed to be? shes just making the case she's not right for the role?

3. apollo/hyacinthus is having such a big resurgence right now that i dont get why rachel didnt include them as friends/a couple persephone cares about and, when hyacinthus dies, have persephone resurrect him. not only would it show her kind nature and sway over hades, but it would also be some actual positive canon gay representation that has legit myth backing. RS obviously got most of her takes from tumblr, yet couldnt take the pro apollo/hyacintus take too? is her heterosexuality that strong :/

4. the whole r*pe plotline was BY RACHEL HERSELF said to not be included, she promised as much, and readers were excited they were finally able to see a depiction of HxP without sexual assault, only for it to turn out she was lying with only a measly "this might be bad uwu" warning on the ep, triggering many people in the process. then she tried to backtrack and claim it was a #MeToo moment, and that irl victims were haters for calling it out. That speaks to who she really is, and it's not pretty.

5. lo hades isnt even cute tbh. what exactly makes him so desirable to make all these women fight over him for? his design is basic (and kinda antisemitic, a guy with a gigantic nose controlling the media and all the banks/money? rachel please), hes not charming or funny, he talks over all the women in his life, never listens to being rightfully called out, he never apologizes or does any self reflection, etc. hes just awful??? like even by an uwu hes misunderstood POV hes just a boring jerk?

6. I think the reason Punderworld or HXP Ficlets doesn't get the amount of scrutiny LO does (and PW is def LO's rival, WT has begged to Feature it several times) is because they had the good sense to never get high and mighty about their depictions, something RS absolutely does all the time. In fact the PW creator constantly promotes over myth comics and loves other takes on the mythos, while RS flips out unless its exactly how she sees it. How she survived school w/ that attitude we'll never know

7. also if demeter was as evil in LO as they want her to be then why would she ever let her emotionally unstable child out into the city with no supervision and no way to contact her? Why would she be going through all this trouble including putting her own welfare into question like trying to keep persephone out of harms' way via the cruelty of thee olympian men and out of jail (WHERE SHE BELONGS) if she's the big bad? Why even make her abusive and evil to begin with? Can't Persephone love both?

8. even if lo needs a villain (which it doesnt but w/e) must it be apollo? or leto? or minthe? or anyone for that matter? if you need some ~drama~ just use eris? she doesn't need some tragic backstory, she's an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. you could so easily have her basically be like TMZ causing discord through her popular blog and causing shit because she can. LO shoots itself in the foot by trying too hard to be deep and thought provoking when its as deep as a puddle.

9. less persephone/hades and more dionysos/ariadne: whats more romantic? a man kidnapping his underage niece and her friends crying themselves to death over it (cyane) or ariadne being dumped by her first boyfriend only to come back with some serious bling and a hot divine partner that is at least the physical equiv of her own age? (dionysos is usually depicted as mentally/physically quite young, so the godly age gap is less creepy/statutory-y)

10. vis a vis the sexual assault anon: it is also something that happens with horrific frequency to trans people as well. the number of trans reports of sexual assault that get thrown out per year by sample size is almost 5x the amount of cis female ones. LO already has some weird terfy undertones with the fertility thing, but just because it happens less (or rather, is reported less) by cisgender men doesnt mean it happens the most to cis women.

[figuringouthowtobehere]

please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood. 

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now. 

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it. 

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would. 

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

[4seasonswithiu]

[TRANS] 190711 OnlyU-IU China share fun moments they had with IU and her team on the set of Hotel Del Luna

Our staff members double checked the items before the departure with an anxious heart. Fortunately, we were able to reach the set on time despite the heavy traffic. The food truck, tent, tables and banners were all set up when we arrived at the set. Then, it took us another 40 minutes to prepare all the gifts by putting them carefully in each paper bag and stacking them up on the table beside the buffet tent.

Not too long after we were done with the gift preparations, manager Hanteo approached us, gave us his warm greetings before checking out the buffet tent. As the weather was pretty hot, Hanteo jokingly told us that he would ‘drink’ all the (Ghana) chocolates within the gift bag right away. When going through the other gifts, we especially pointed out that the Voluspa aromatherapy candles were for IU Team, so Hanteo thanked us in Mandarin, saying “xie xie!” as well.

He reminded us that since we would have to wait a little longer, so stay away from the sun in some shade. He also passed on the gifts to director Oh, actor Yeo Jin Goo and IU Team. Later, PD told us we could pass the gift to IU in person in a while.

We gave the staff of Hotel Del Luna the gifts we prepared as they passed by from time to time. During dinner time, some staff came to collect their gifts and we got the HDL team PD to pass on the remaining gifts to other busy staff on the set. 

Around 8PM, IU finally appeared in her pony tail, white loose t-shirt and pants. Since the coffee truck was right beside the entrance, so she took lots of proof photos with the help of Hyesun and the new manager (Moon Ji Hwan) first. After greeting us, she expressed her gratitude for the gifts and meal that we prepared, telling us that she would enjoy the meal and asking whether we were hungry as well or not. We still managed to answer her that we were ‘hungry’ though our mind went completely blank at that moment as we were softened by her sweet tender eyes. IU then invited us to join her for dinner.

The HDL team PD also encouraged us to sit beside IU for dinner. Together, we also had Hanteo, Hyeseon and the new manager (Ji Hwan) with us in one table, and thankfully all of them ate a lot. IU seemed to have noticed how nervous we were, so she kept initiating conversation with us. She said, “we (IU Team) are usually quiet whenever we eat, and given the hot weather and packed filming schedules today, so everyone’s still in a daze. Did all of you travel all the way from China? It must have been hard for you guys to be here given the scorching hot weather.” When she was told that some of us would have to catch the early morning flight in a bit, she frowned as pain and sadness clouded her features.

When eating, director Oh came by so IU introduced him to us and we quickly bowed to him. Director Oh was pretty adorable and not all that serious or solemn as he greeted us enthusiastically and expressed his gratitude for our support. He kept the Hotel Del Luna customised towel around his neck all the time, even when he was having his meal.

Seeing how most of them were almost done with eating, we brought out the gifts and explained to them about the Diptyque’s limited edition ‘The Legend of the North’ series’ candles first. IU was touched upon knowing that we chose the candles because it suited Man Wol’s mysterious aura, saying “ah~ because it suits Man Wol!”. She also let out a tiny ‘wow’ when we told her we bought GUCCI’s A Kiss from Violet perfumed oil for her because its violet scented (IU’s favourite). We also let IU have a look at our charity/ donation certificate, telling her that hundreds of Uaenas participated in this donation and some of us visited the institute with some necessities and played with the kids there to which IU replied ‘aigoo’ tsunderely/ proudly and dearly. She also asked about the details and complimented us ‘Hen BBang!’ (so amazing) in Mandarin since one of us personally went to the welfare institute. IU gave us a big thumbs up, saying ‘Zzen Bbang! Xie xie!’ (really amazing! thank you!) when we mentioned about the necessities that we have donated. One of us caught on the right timing of the atmosphere and started applauding, to which IU joined her right away, followed by Hyeseon, Hanteo and all HDL staff from other tables who had no idea of what’s going on. It suddenly turned into an ocean of harmony 😂.

Click here for more details of IU’s birthday gifts (candles and perfumes), fan donation and fansupport by OnlyIUcn.

We also told IU about her super topic ‘#IU’ that has accumulated over 10 billion reads on Weibo recently and she was ultimately shocked. Since she’s not familiar with how weibo functions, so we explained to her that the hashtag is sort of a community on weibo where people could leave their posts, comments, votes and screenshots there to support her. She seemed to have grasped on the super topic concept after going through some of our posts in the hashtag section and showed off the milestone achievement to people around her. 

IU: Hey, I achieved 10 billion reads! Hanteo and Hyeseon: As expected from the scale of mainland China, they don’t just simply go with (small numbers like) ten thousands when it comes to calculations.

We passed the <10 Years of Flower Road> book to IU, sharing with her that C-Uaenas designed, edited and compiled everything about her within this book in celebration of her 10th anniversary. We also tried to find the best printing manufacturer that we could to bring out the best quality of it. As soon as she got the book on hands, she kept gasping in admiration, saying “wow this is truly amazing. This is impressive, OnlyIU’s scale is no joke” as she flipped through the pages slowly. She especially stopped at one of the pages which contained IU Team’s photo, too bad the whole book was written in Chinese so the staff unnie tried to cheer her up by telling her that they could translate right away using mobile apps. All of them joked a few times about looking for someone who knows Mandarin and asked everyone to hurry up and learn the language too.

Click here for some details of the book

IU really likes the calligraphy gift that we gave her so she took a special proof shot with it. Since it’s written in Chinese, she asked us about the meaning of the poem. We were still in a daze at that time so we only explained briefly that it’s a poem about the moon. IU said she would try to look for a professional to interpret it.

Poem: The Moon Festival by Su Shi

When will the moon be clear and bright? With a cup of wine in my hand, I ask the blue sky. I don’t know what season it would be in the heavens on this night. I’d like to ride the wind to fly home. Yet I fear the crystal and jade mansions are much too high and cold for me. Dancing with my moon-lit shadow, It does not seem like the human world. The moon rounds the red mansion stoops to silk-pad doors, Shines upon the sleepless Bearing no grudge, Why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart? People may have sorrow or joy, be near or far apart, The moon may be dim or bright, wax or wane, This has been going on since the beginning of time. May we all be blessed with longevity though far apart, We are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

Even though we are thousands of miles and oceans (Yellow Sea) apart, nothing can stop us from surrendering our hearts to the full moon (Man Wol) C-Uaenas present president Jang Man Wol this poem And may the opening of Hotel Del Luna blossom 

*Yellow Sea is a marginal sea of the Pacific Ocean located between mainland China and the Korean Peninsula. *Full Moon is pronounced the same way as Man Wol in both Chinese and Korean.

밝은 달은 어느 때나 떠오를지 술잔을 잡고 하늘에 물어본다. 달 속에 있는 궁궐은 오늘밤은 어느 해인지 모르겠구나. 나는 바람을 타고 돌아가고자 하니 달 속의 궁궐이 높은 곳이라 추위를 견디지 못할까 두려워라. 일어나 춤추니 그림자도 따라 도는데 어찌 인간 세계와 비길 수가 있으랴 달그림자가 붉은 누각 빙 돌며 곱게 조각한 창문에 드리우니 달빛에 비추어져 잠을 이룰 수 없네. 더 이상 번뇌가 있을 수 없는데 무슨 일로 오래도록 이별할 때에 이렇게 둥근가? 인간에겐 슬픔과 기쁨, 이별과 만남이 있고 달은 흐리고 맑고, 둥글고 이지러짐이 있으니 이런 일은 예전부터 완전하기가 어려워라. 다만 바라기는 멀리 떨어져 있는 이가 오래 살아서 천 리 밖에서도 이 밝은 달을 함께 구경했으면.

Note: This is a famous Mid-Autumn lyric written by Sushi(a poet in Song Dynasty) for his brother Zi-you(1039-1112) when the poet was away from the imperial court. According to some commentators, “the palace on high” might allude to the imperial palace and therefore, after reading this lyric, Emperor Song Shen Zong said that Su Shi was loyal.

When IU was giving us her signature as acknowledgement (of the fan support), we noticed that IU’s mandarin pinyin skills were remarkably impressive, she came up with most of the pinyin (as shown in the picture) and kept seeking confirmation from us (just incase she made a mistake). She wanted to write 시원한 여름 (a cool and refreshing summer) so badly because it kind of means “watching horror movies” in Korea too (납량). She wanted to write “we will see each other very soon” so she added “see you soon” in English too. It was obvious that IU urged to write using lots of pinyin but she didn’t have much time since the drama team was rushing to another filming venue already. Nevertheless, she drew a big thumbs up and yummy bowl of rice for us and was eventually made fun by IU Team. They jokingly asked her “what are those?”, making IU shooting daggers at them keke.

“Dear. OnlyU-IU China ♥   Thank you all!! Well done!! 👍 Yummy 🍚💕 Miss you guys…♥ I love you guys! Stay healthy! - from IU” 

“Dear C-uaenas ♥ I miss you all very much See U soon! Don’t fall sick...☆ Thank you! 😊 - from IU”

Lastly, we told IU that we would enjoy watching the drama to which she replied “please do enjoy (watch) the show (properly), it’s very interesting.” She kept thanking us a few times in Mandarin after bidding farewell to us too.

The PD came by after that and took the huge IU (with her head facing down) photo away, explaining that he would hang it in the waiting room. We weren’t sure whose waiting room he was referring to since we didn’t dare to question more, so we could only pray and hope earnestly that he’s taking it to IU’s room TT.

Then we sent off the coffee truck & buffet tent owners and bid farewell to the entire crew on the set before leaving. We lost count of how many times we went around the set to bow (give greetings) to make sure we didn’t miss any corner of it.

Despite being short of hands due to some of our members who couldn’t make it last minute, but we are very happy to have completed the fan support, passed IU her gift in person and relayed her greetings and thanks to C-Uaenas safely. We are fully aware that IU made lots of adorable facial expressions and kept a smile on her face all the time because she wanted to express her gratitude towards Uaenas who worked hard together to bring up the fan support to her on the set. Once again, we thank Uaenas who contributed in this fan support. We will continue to give IU the best fan support!

Source: OnlyU-IU 中国首站 @ Weibo  Translated by IUteamstarcandy

[artemisbarnowl]

Since getting help I've really noticed a want for a sense of community and connection, im good as isolating myself and don't have a strong emotional connection to many people in real life and i (like any human being omg) feel like friendship and belonging are desirable. But then I see The Discourse, about so many different things, and it's a mess. It seems like people's natural form of communication is just not about coming to an understanding about a common topic/event. Like your opinions can differ of course but it just feels so reactive and not active listening. One blog I admire dearly reminds us to "assume kindness and complexity in people" and while every little community on this website has certain values I really don't feel like people see a situation and think "how/why does this happen and what can I do to prevent it from happening again". There are always posts like "this is bad don't do that???" But I am a praxis person. What are YOU doing, what about your daily behaviour says specifically 'don't do this'. That is the only way culture changes. And anyway I feel like Tumblr right now is a metaphor for why I don't like trying to form connections with people because they just don't think about things the same way as me and being a radically leaning individual with very different views on a lot of things like politics and culture makes it even harder to be considered relatable and valid??

[andysnorwayaffairs]

Final Project

Pt 1; a perfect ending. feeling a rush of shared excitement - finally! just like me!

warmth, embraced, a queer kind of friendship. we sat in the grass and talked about how our lives were growing up, how our queerness was realized and how it affected the way we walk in the world. our stories are so similar yet so, so different. miles and miles of time away, you announce to your friends that you’re probably maybe gay. you start a spark in their minds, and soon after you’re deemed the trail blazer of coming out. you are brave, do you know it? you were the person who i wished for. so desperate for approval from others, and not meeting anyone like you, i took it upon myself to starve my queerness, the differentness, the part of me that i knew i could definitely be hated for. and i can’t stand the thought of being hated. and a part of me hated myself for who i was. i was taught that i couldn’t love like that, that it wasn’t *real*, that anything other than normal is impossible, wrong, destructive. so i listened, and i believed them. not completely, that is also true. that’s why i never stopped immersing myself in online queer culture, why i desperately searched for any sign of queerness in the online personas i followed and in the fiction that i read. we talked about this too, how we’d entrench ourselves in media and later realize that we were part of the group we were so obsessed with. finally... just like me

you opened your heart so quickly - your friends, they tell me that they’re so happy that you’ve met me. you open a window into your life and lend a hand to help me hop in. i see how you love others, and how they love you. we run through the lawn of a backyard riddled with ripe fruit and laugh like children at how sweet the juice is. we share a meal and spend hours talking about nothing and everything. i sometimes stop and listen to the chatter, and i feel complete warmth even when i cannot understand what is being said. we read the cards i brought and i learn how each of you sees love. i see the way you interact with your loved ones, the way you so deeply care to spend time with them. letting go, giggling in giddy joy, acting like absolute fools. finally, just like me

cried a farewell last night

thank you for offering me a bizarre, unfair amount of kindness

thank you for showing me a glimpse of your life, your entire world

thank you for extending a hand in friendship, in solidarity

thank you for being my friend

I feel like my time here, my glimpse into another person’s life, feels like a glimpse into an alternate timeline. A timeline in which I accepted myself from the beginning. A timeline in which I told a friend about my crush on Jen from Buzzfeed. A timeline when I refused to normalize myself, refused to uphold the boundaries that were unfairly placed on me. A timeline when I was brave. A timeline when I stopped being so damn scared. A timeline when I realized that my friends would still stay friends with me, and those who didn’t want to, I should let go of anyways. There will always be people who don’t match up with your values, your energies, your being. I won’t lie to myself and say that it wouldn’t hurt like a bitch, but it’s a hard fact of life that homophobes, transphobes, racists, xenophobes, ie bigots exist and there will be always be bullies and people who don’t care about you, who WANT to put you down, who want to hurt you. In a world of power, there will be those with some and those without. I was given a small window into my friend’s life and saw a life pathway built around friendships who learn and grow right alongside you. I’ve always thought about that – what if? What if I let go earlier? In my timeline, the forces around me were not as kind to me. I was told queerness was ugly, so utterly upside down. I didn’t have anyone to tell me otherwise. Perhaps if I had a positive role model to tell me that it WAS okay, that it was beautiful and wonderful. Perhaps if I had a friend like them in my life who was the first to come out and encouraged others by simply living their life the way THEY want to, perhaps I would have had the courage to do so earlier. I can’t change the past.

But I can think about how the events of my past shaped my present, and how my present shapes my future. Thank God - I DID let go! There’s no race to live your truth, but oh god it feels so good to do it NOW. I’m so thankful that I found the bravery these people I know now have embraced so many years ago. I feel like my own person, like an entire human soul. I don’t feel the need to please anyone. This queer experience, of finding yourself and maybe even fearing yourself, but, ultimately, coming to love yourself despite dominant society failing you, that is a queer experience. Regardless of any experience, something we all share is having to live in a world that ultimately does not accept us, does not want us.

An ode to knowing that although things are different here, and that there’s no possible way that I could have had a similar timeline just simply because of how different our spheres and worlds are... despite this, despite the fear and self hate and internal violence I was forced into because of the life I was born into, despite all of this, I was still able to find myself and love myself and find others who love me for my whole humanness.

There’s a lot of work to be done in the world, for our lives and our safety and our happiness. I think the friends I’ve met here are doing that work. Through their love for each other and thus their refusal to conform, to stay quiet, to accept the norms in place.

Meeting this special friend may have been completely chance, but I believe fate had a little bit to do with it too. To give me this window, to let me see what beauty it is to allow a person to be themselves. The sooner, the better.

____ DISCUSSION

Pt 3:

It’s funny to see how these ppl’s reflections of their lives fit in line with exactly what we discussed through our readings and class discussions. Norway may be progressive in law, but not necessarily in practice. Each of the queer people I asked this about, or asked them to speak about their queer experience, expressed frustration at there not being much of a strong queer community here, and how they still experienced everyday oppression (you may call these micro aggressions).

Nordic model of inclusion + welfare, making this a space where it is looked down upon to discriminate for someone’s sexuality

A different relationship to Christianity

In the U.S., I grew up in a heavily queerphobic, heavily strict and monitored environment where I was even monitoring myself, reprimanding myself for all of the gay content I was consuming but allowing myself to keep doing it because I was “outside” of the community and thus could not be associated with it or have to think of the consequences.

In middle school I was fully aware that I had strong crushes on gay female celebrities but was petrified of sharing that information with anyone.

I shut myself down immediately, but continued to consume gay, lgbt, and trans media for years and years after, allowing myself to do this because I could convince myself that I was just “a straight girl” who was a big fan of the community.

After coming to college and experiencing true freedom from the expectations and values placed on me, it took me less than three days to come to the realization that I was in fact, extremely not straight. It took me 6 more months to fully feel comfortable admitting to myself and claiming the label that I was gay. It took me another year to “come out” to all of my friends and folx I really cared about.

-talk about how this is a divide between my experience and the experiences of the friends I made here. L & their friends came out when they were extremely young, in middle school actually. Our timelines diverge here.

Only recently, I began to make friends on the shared experience of our queerness. Meeting my close friends now, sharing intimate + tender moments. Loving each other and supporting one another the way family might do. A queer kind of love shared in these emotional bonds. A kind of love I had not experienced before my full acceptance and life as a queer person. Tender, radical love.

Meeting L, sharing on our experience of being queer and trans. And not to say that their life in Norway is so much better. The Nordic model may allow for some general acceptance, but queerphobia still has its roots in other malicious ways. Many of L’s friends still don’t use their pronouns. A is called the slur version of the word lesbian, and she recognizes that being a lesbian is not favorable to society. She wants to be a prof of gender studies at her uni but told me that since there is already one queer person on staff, she’ll never be hired on.

M telling me about how even tho queer ppl are accepted on the outside, and in the law, in practice, not so much.

-A telling me that people hate lesbians

-in Norwegian, the word for lesbian is also really similar to the slur, “fucking lesbian”

CONNECTION TO THE FIRST ARTICLE WE READ

Norway’s state feminism and inclusion of queerness is heteronormative, only assimilating those that fit into the family, hetero model (thinking to naked sculpture park, extremely family oriented)

Same sex has to still be straight – family, private, culturally straight.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #207

“it’s late, and you’re still staring at the light; to call it an addiction’s impolite.”

Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? Happy being a girl. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? When it's to people who are aware of how behind I am in the adult world in any context, yes. Very. If they know nothing about me, then I don't care. Are you confident enough to reveal your height and weight? Height, I don't care. Weight, fuck no. What do your parents call you? Both usually say "Britt," but Dad's more likely to use terms of endearment like "sweetie" and such. Well, Mom does use "hunny" a lot too. How old were you when you first got to go on the computer? Idr. About the "normal" age for little kids that played Neopets, probably. Would you say you’re an emotional person? Way too emotional. What’s a color that suits you the best? Black. And a color you just can’t pull off/don’t want to? Probably most... I wouldn't know, almost every single thing I wear is black. I have literally one light purple shirt, and I think that's the only non-black shirt I own. Describe yourself when you were 6 years old? Very talkative, extremely imaginative, outgoing, I was definitely weird, tomboyish, very happy... Man, I miss being that kid sometimes. A type of personality you just can't stand? The older and older I get, the more I cannot STAND a closed mind. I like people who accept they're far from always right, and sometimes, your "right" isn't such for someone else, and that is fine. You don't have to see the same way to still get along perfectly (though of course, there's no need to respect an opinion that spits upon, invalidates, or is just plain hateful towards another person/group). Like just as an example 'cuz I feel like I explained that poorly; I'm really not into the idea of polygamy at all, but I'm not against it for people it works with. You do you. Your appearance in one word would be? "Abilify." :^) City type of person or country? I like the live in a more country-ish area, but I found through Chicago I LOVE /visiting/ cities. What’s something you’re obsessed about right now? When am I not obsessed with Mark, meerkats, Silent Hill, opossums (a newer addition), WoW, etc. etc.? My whole life runs on obsessing over something, fren. Your reaction if someone told you you look 10 years older than your age? ZOINKS that would suck ass. Do you really badly want anything right now? For the past couple weeks, I've become more and more antsy to get up to Sara's again. When I land a job, fancyin' up my tattoo just because as I've said again and again it is SO important to me and must be perfect, then I'm saving up to go back up there. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? With all this job searching and such going on, it's like all I can think about, so why not mention what fucked me up at my previous ones: Putting me in a position of responsibility and expected knowledge. Ex., when I was a sales associate and was asked "Oh, do you have this?"/"Where is this?", it was CONSTANT PANIC MODE because I never knew and had to ask somebody, when I was expected to be a knowledgeable employee to the customer, and then comes the horror of feeling like I'm inconveniencing and annoying them. Have any particular standard look you look for in a significant other? I don't have a "standard look," no, but I am more likely to be drawn to a gothic appearance. But I don't actively search for someone that meets that criteria or anything. Do you listen to Wiz Khalifa? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Please legalize medicinal use already. Recreationally, idk. Do you date outside your own race? I'd have no reservations against it. I dated a Hispanic... less than a day, but still, you get the point that I don't have a problem with it. What are some of your turn-offs? SEXIST/MISOGYNISTIC, too old-fashioned, racist and/or homophobic, raunchy, arrogant/self-centered, lack of sincere interest and enthusiasm in conversation, poor hygiene, I'm gonna get SHIT ON for saying "too slutty," not taking dating seriously... that kinda stuff. I'm so picky. Are you gay, straight, bi, or trans? Bisexual. Are you vegetarian? If not, would you ever consider becoming one? I'm not now, but I hope to return to it after I get to my goal weight... In my few months of vegetarianism, it was proven that my immense pickiness with food was making the diet unhealthy for me, as I was strongly lacking in certain vitamins and such. I'm going to have to somehow overcome that if I want to return to it, which I REALLY do want to do the more and more I get into animal welfare and care. Are you in love? Yes. Are you more of a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimist, I think, out of the two. But I like to see myself as a realist. How much money is in your wallet? Literally just $11 lmao. What’s your favorite sex position? Only experienced in these with a man, so answering with that in mind. I like sitting on his lap, facing him, with my legs around his back. What do you ultimately wish for in life? Happiness and peace. Have you ever been pregnant? No. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip your goddamn waiter/waitress, assholes. I do believe in tipping based on the quality of service, BUT at least give them SOMETHING for working. Do you have your driver’s license? No jkajdsklfaj;wer. I haaaave to practice more. Whenever I'm in the car, I always strongly prefer to listen to my music, controlling it from the passenger's seat, and at least right now, I can't drive with loud music, barely any at all really, so I have a hard time giving up blaring my music while Mom drives lmao. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No. What’s your favorite carnival food? Idk, I don't go nearly enough. Who did you last kiss? Romantically, Sara. Platonically, either my niece or nephew when leaving. Have you seen the final Harry Potter movie? I haven't even see one. Ever been called a slut? No. Would you ever have sex with someone not of your preferred sex? I'm bisexual so like- Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? No. Do you take any meds on a daily basis? Yep. What did you do today? Watched LPs as always; did some job searching; played WoW, way shorter than usual though; took a nap; made a new icon; took a shower; listened to music; did some social media scrolling. The usual stuff. What do you wear to bed at home? A tank top and pj pants. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? The same, but with a bra. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? No. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I'll just talk about the unordinary ones, 'cuz I have a lot. The ones I'd consider "weird" are vomiting, whale sharks, and pregnancy. Vomiting is because it's just incredibly unpleasant, but also because I know what goes down is not supposed to come back up. Like no one likes puking, no shit, but I'm legit afraid of it and lock up on what to do when I feel it coming, like I don't know what to do. Whale sharks... ahaha. It literally came from World of Warcraft. The design of their mouths is fucking horrifying, and I hate hate hate how they sometimes phase in-and-out of the Vashj'ir map so just like pOP UP. NAH, SON. It's just their damn mouths, even though I know their esophagus is far too small to swallow a human. As for pregnancy, just... ew. I'm afraid of parasites, and it's a parasitic relationship. Something should NOT be growing inside of you. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? I'm very compassionate, especially when it comes to others enduring emotional struggles. I really feel for hurting people. What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? I have strong morals and stick to them. I'll always stand up for what I feel is right. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? Ah jeez, there's a lot... but probably my anxiety. It's held me back and manipulated my actions since middle school. I struggle not followings its rules, but I'm sure trying. Who do you most admire? Mark, my mom, Sara, Sara's dad, Steve Irwin... man, there's too many great people. Who do you most love? Sara, my mom, and my pets, Teddy especially. What three things do you look for most in a partner? EXPRESSING OF THEIR EMOTIONS/TRULY FEELING!!!!!!!!, compassion, and a cool head. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? Hm. Good question... There's a lot, but mostly little wonders; I feel like I have a decent understanding of the god I personally see, so don't have any magnificent questions. Perhaps regarding why they created our world. That'd be interesting. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10: 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper: 7. Charm: *big shrug* Cheerfulness: 3-4. Confidence: 0-3. Courtesy: 8-10. Curiosity: 6-10. Forgiveness: 9-10. Generosity: 8-10. Greed: 0-3. Helpfulness: Well, I like to try to help, but I don't feel I'm very successful at that, so idk. Honesty: 5-9, depending on who I'm talking to and what the subject is, I guess. Loyalty: This is very flexible, and I don't feel like I can put a number on it. It depends on how deserving you are of the trait, and yes, you can lose my loyalty in a heartbeat if you give me reason to take it away. Optimism: 0-4. Patience: This can go from a whopping 0 to a 10, lmao. Very dependent on the situation. Self-sacrifice: 8-9. Wit: -10. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken. Tight bonds scattered between certain people, no bonds with others. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? The breakup. I wouldn't wish that night upon Satan himself. How did it affect you? We know. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? Speaking of that... Jason is in most nightmares I remember. The common theme is it's either after the breakup and we have an awkward running in with each other, or it's long before when everything was "perfect." All things considered, I'd call even that a nightmare. Those fuck with me the most. Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Do you have any close friends? I can count those on maybe two fingers. Of what are you most proud? Letting Jason go. Of what are you most ashamed? I've talked about the Joel situation multiple times. What is your religion? Theist. Where do you stand on abortion? Mostly pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? Sometimes justifiable and one's deserving end. Felons are lucky enough it's done humanely. Where do you stand on wearing fur? If you're not surviving out in the arctic, fuck you and all you stand for. Could you kill somebody? I'm perfectly aware I could in defense situations. For what reason would you kill somebody? Defending myself or loved ones. Hell, probably even strangers. I'd kill a rapist with zero fucking hesitation, even if they were assaulting someone I'd never seen before. Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? No. Do you trust easily, or not? NOPE. What, if anything, would you sacrifice your life for? Defending peace, gay rights, or if it was to protect most of those I love. What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? Be a successful photographer, reach financial stability, come to a point where I'm actually proud of what I've done, play a roll in wildlife conservation, be happily married, and just overall be content and satisfied with my life. How do you plan to reach them? Working my goddamn ass off and not taking "no" for an answer (not about the marriage part tho lmao). Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? No. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? I just want a pet family with Sara. What do you see yourself doing next year? Man, I don't have a clue... What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? I don't want to think of that. That's too far ahead. I'll be 43... I've gotta work on too many things now. Would you ever have an affair? I'm very curious as to who would actually answer "yes" to this. Would you ever have a one night stand? No. Lmaoooo actually this is sad as fuck, but I think I've said in a previous survey just knowing myself, if we were both single and clicked, I'd be doomed if it was Markiplier. My morals would sadly go out the window. If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? That's literally been the story of my life for years now, especially the past two. And it's torture. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? No. Well, actually, I do want to do wildlife photography, and it can be pretty dangerous. Were you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. Do you have any famous relatives? No. Ancestors, yeah, but not close relatives. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. What type of criminal would you be? With how forgetful I am, I'm certain I'd be a very clumsy one that gets caught very quickly, lol. What are you listening to right now? "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you had to choose a stripper name, what would it be? Um idk. If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling? Someone for a job interview. Do you drink? Rarely and/or for some special occasions. Never enough to get drunk. Do you smoke? No. What is the first thing you notice in someone? I guess posture? How they carry themselves? Do you get attached easily? BOY! DO I!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like your eye color? I wish they were more blue. Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance? Definitely not bungee jumping, I know how I react to that kind of up/down movement, and probably not skydiving, either. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Both regularly since middle school. Are looks important in a relationship? Not very. What is your favorite thing to do? Binge a new song I fell in love with for like days lmao. What was the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? PhotoScape. It's easier to move watermarks for photos on there, and I was working on the ones I took a few days back. Do you like to gossip? No, I feel super guilty. What kind of computer do you have? An Acer. Do you know all the words to your national anthem? I think? Have you ever failed a grade? No. Have you ever made the opposite sex cry? Yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nah. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you own a designer purse? Hell no. Waste of money for a goddamn purse that's just gonna get dirty and scratched. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Jason and I magically had a baby over summer vacation when I was very obviously never pregnant. Do you say the "h" in the word “herb”? No, though I did for a super long time 'cuz I had no idea it was wrong. Do you speak any languages besides English? Not fluently. Can you run in high heels? I wouldn't really know, but boy do I doubt it. Do you have to take stairs or an elevator to get to your house? No. What do you usually order at Subway? Ummm I think white bread, ham, American cheese, bacon, jalapenos, banana peppers, and Chipotle sauce. I think that's it. Did an alarm wake you up this morning? No. How long is your mother’s hair? Past her shoulderblades, near the middle of her back. Is there any particular place you’d like to vacation to next? Surprisingly, I'd love to go somewhere tropical, like Hawaii or some shit like that. Somewhere with clear water and unique, beautiful wildlife and nature. What is your beer of choice, if any? Never tried beer, never want to. The smell is bad enough. That and I associate it with when Dad was an alcoholic. Did you share a bed with anyone last night? No. Well, other than with my cat. Do you know anyone who volunteers regularly? Yes. Have you ever ruined a nice pair of shoes, and how? Maybe, playing in puddles or biking through them and mud as a kid or something. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Sara. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? None. Have you texted a relative in the past week? Not besides immediate family. Are you doing anything important today? No. If I were to bring you any type of food right now, what would you pick? If I was actually hungry, I have been craving hotdogs on the grill like CRAZY lately. No clue why. When did you move into the house you’re currently living in? April-ish 2017. Do you ever sleep with the light on? No, I can't. Do you pray to Jesus? 20+ years of that did nothing. No. What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks? N/A Do you have a bonfire pit in your yard? No. Would you consider being homeless if it meant you could travel the world? I don't know; there's lots of factors to consider. Would I be willing to leave my pets (but Teddy, probably; I'd want him with me) with my mom? Would I have something like a camper? Where am I getting this money to travel and provide for myself? Do you know your next-door neighbor? Mom knows one, but I personally don't. What’s something you have never done? Lots of things? As an example, uhhh... I've never done a cartwheel, despite childhood efforts? Name someone you know who is a true risk-taker, adventurer, and free spirit. Do you admire that person? Idk. Do you wish you were more of a free spirit? I think I already am, but it'd be cool to be more of one. Are you allergic to any medications? No. How do you feel when someone says something you’ve experienced doesn’t exist? Tell me depression isn't real, my PTSD isn't genuine, I can "get over" my anxiety if I want to hard enough, stuff like that, and I will not fucking associate with you. These are things that have massively affected my life; I dare someone to tell me these experiences aren't real issues. What worldview do you have? A realistic one, I think. I'm positive in some areas, negative in others. Hm... I'm probably more pessimistic about the world's future, though. Do you have friends who have different religious beliefs than you? Duh? If applicable, who was the first person you “came out” to? Sara. What’s one thing you’d like to do more? Travel. What was your style in high school? Some emo/metalhead hybrid that wished with all her heart to be capable of affording a goth wardrobe and bitch I still do. What’s one thing you are jealous that other people got to do but you didn’t? Have a healthy teenage experience. Have you ever taken birth control pills continuously? I have for years for my cycle. I had just about debilitating cramps and sometimes periods that lasted over a week. Who is your personality twin? Sara is probably the closest. What’s a common name that you hate? Edward, above all. Not a big fan of William, Robert, or Allen, either. Who do you wish you were best friends with? If you don't count my girlfriend as "best friend," maybeeee... Alon still? Or Baylee. I need to talk more to her, she's awesome. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? I don't believe so. …in fairies? I believed in the Tooth Fairy. …in Santa? Yes. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. What is your newest hobby? Hm, I don't think I've found a new one for a long while... What gives your life meaning? I don't know. What motivates you to do what you do? The pursuit of happiness. What was the weather like the last time you went out? Too fucking hot. Do you go for walks often? No, though I really want to around a lake at a local, small park. Problems consist of no way to get there myself, it's WAY too fucking hot with my sweating issue, and my knees just wouldn't have it; I know I couldn't walk the full lap around it. Also expect some art installations around the path and probably the gazebo are PokeStops for Pokemon Go and really wish I could play it, so that's bait to do it lmao. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? It really depends on who I'm watching. Favorite on the face of the planet are Mark's ego projects, then my second fave are probably Shane's conspiracy videos, then I love let's plays. Do you need any new clothes right now? I seriously need more pants. And new bras. Do you collect anything? If so, what? Silent Hill merch and meerkat stuff. ^and if not, what would you like to collect? When I can buy shit myself, ya girl is gonna have way too much Markiplier merch. YouTuber stuff in general, actually. Too shy to ask for that kinda stuff now lol. Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think so. What was the last thing you ate? A burger. Do you ever eat food that’s intended for kids? ...? Like, baby food? No. Or maybe you mean shit like Lunchables? In cases like that, sometimes? What was the last stupid thing you did? Oh boy, who knows. Do you get embarrassed easily? You. Have. No. Idea. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, then uhhhh... I like Chloe and Adrian. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? Hell no. I'd never wanna see it, I'd never want my hypothetical child to have to witness that, etc. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. Wet clothes are no. Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight, I guess? Though my hair does swoop to the right, so it's kinda a wave? What was the last craft project you completed? Oh, yeesh. I don't do crafts. The closest thing was I guess Sara's Valentine's Day gift for last year? Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier is literally the only one that matters lmao and it's not "would like to meet in person," he will be forced to endure meeting me ok. Meeting Shane Dawson would be amazing, he's such a relatable sweetie, aaaaand #3 would probably be Rhett and/or Link, as similar to Mark, they deserve a tear-filled thanks as well as back-breaking hugs for seriously helping in keeping me alive through my suicidal year. I mean it when I say they genuinely helped me keep going. What color are your nails painted currently? They’re never painted. Do you use a pill box? No. List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold: Jason, Jason, and Jason. Have you ever felt threatened for your life? No. Which did you like better: high school or college? My college experience was horrid. High school had great memories, but of course negative ones, too. Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? 2017. …and why? It was my year of recovery from the breakup. What was the last store you shopped at? I went to Wal-Mart with Mom. I think that was the most recent, anyway. Do you have a favorite pharmacist? No. Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? No. What’s something you discovered recently? I'm a Billie Eilish fan. What makes you more creative? Music. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? YO okay so when my brother and nephew were here, we went to the science museum and into a 360 VR-esque show about astronauts. I got SO nauseous and dizzy, but it was nevertheless extremely cool. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Just tonight! I ordered at a drive-thru myself. Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant? An elephant! Do you want to lose weight? You have no fucking idea. Which insects scare you, if any? Lmao most. Especially rhinoceros beetles, big beetles in general honestly, cockroaches, earwigs, centipedes... like a lot okay. I like observing praying mantises, but I would probably have a fucking heart attack if one was on me. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of a tiny insect? Well, yeah, though I get the likely survival reason, that being we know many are venomous, so we're naturally averse to them, especially if we don't recognize the type. Were you raised religious? Yes. Have you ever been abused? No, thankfully. Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? N/A If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Man, I have SO many color combination ideas. If I could get it done in the safest manageable way by a pro, I saw this look once with totally bleached/pure white hair that fades to blood-red tips, and BOY would I get that in a heartbeat. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope so. I think so. The only thing I imagine myself being weak with are tattoos. Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? I don't think so... List five careers that you’d like to have: Meerkat biologist, paleontologist, artist, poet, something in wildlife conservation/protection. List five far-out things that you’d like to do before you die: Scuba-dive, I'd LIKE to ride a rollercoaster (far-out for me, trust me), but I know I never will, and uh... idk. Riding a motorcycle would be cool, but that's another thing I hiiighly doubt I'll do. What was your first imaginary friend’s name? I never had one. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Chance, a cat my mom rescued. She was our very first family pet. She was absolutely incredible. Do you like to go barefoot? Unless I'm in a house, no. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? Yeah. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah. Is there someone who stopped talking to you for no reason? Oh, who to begin with? Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank or bitch? "Bitch" more than once. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? With Jason, yeah. And I don't think so, but maybe Sara briefly? Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. What would you do if you were pregnant? I don't have a fucking clue. Do you like cuddling? With someone I love. Have you ever cried in school? Yes, but I think I kept it private. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? A woman whose wedding I'm shooting this Saturday. Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act? Just making out. Where did you get drunk last? N/A What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a dirty one? No. How did you do on the last test you took? I haven't been in school for a long time. How come you’re not going out with the person you love? I am.

[shutupkimjongdae]

[TRANS/FANACC] 181110 DMUMT Coex Artium Fansign - Chen Compilation

1. "Before giving me his bunny hat, Jongdae smelled it and said that he washed his hair but it still smells because of the hair products like hairspray, and I said it’s okay and took itㅜㅠㅠㅠㅜ In my mind, I was saying “it’s okay” like 360 million timesㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ" [x] 2. "I didn’t get to give him the certificate of donation, but I told him we were exchanging photos (I should’ve just said photo exhibition…) for his birthday and donated the profit to the [Siheung (his hometown) Youth Counseling Welfare] Center and he said thank you, all of you are cool/amazing 😭 I’m writing this tweet so that every fan of Chen (soondingie) will know that he appreciates (what we did). The rest (of the fanaccount) I won’t write about it…" [x] (t/n: OP is one of Chen's fansite, donating 1 million KRW under his name. Place of donation was chosen after hearing about Chen's recent 20M KRW donation to the center this past September 2018) 3. "Jongdae is so nice. As soon as I got to where he was, he made eye contact and asked, “Which color pen do you want me to use?” 8ㅅ8 He kept making eye contact with me while he was signing 8ㅅ8 I asked him to write his favorite word, a word he thinks is the sweetest, and he wrote thank you 8ㅅ8 I’m thankful for Jongdae’s existence ㅠㅅㅠ" [x] 4. "I asked Jongdae if he named his Airpods, and he said no and asked me to name them but I really couldn't think of anything... I kept going uhh... and just randomly said 초두 and he said it's been a while since he last heard that nickname.." [x] (t/n: 초두 = typo from 1st anniversary fan messages; explanation here) 5. "I told Jongdae I went to the CBX fansign as well, and he was like really, thank you so much for coming again. I asked him if they’re filming an EXO variety show like the one CBX did, and he smiled and replied saying to please wait for it!! When I was getting Jongdae’s autograph, they were rushing me off quickly and I couldn’t say much more, I was already moving when he said please wait for it." [x] 6. "I was wearing a Welsh Corgi hat after getting an autograph, and Jongdae asked what it was and I said Welsh Corgi and he asked to trade ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I got what he was wearing and Jongdae gave mine to Baekhyun so Baekhyun wore my Welsh Corgi hat ㅜㅜㅠㅠㅜㅜ" [x] 7. "Jongdae switched to wearing a bear hat, and he was playing with it when he asked me who he should give this to, and I said Jongin!!! And Jongdae said “Jongin? Because he's a bear? Okay” and traded with Jongin's bunny hat ㅠㅠ" [x] 8. "Thank you Jongdae for playing along with the joke I prepared 😭😇 I told him thank you for singing and he replied “I’m also thankful, I will sing more songs for you guys in the future” and smiled ㅠㅠ Jongdae, I’ll pay my own money to fix the Gocheok roof...!" [x (+ audio)] Audio: F: Jongdae, did you hear? Because of you, there’s been a huge disturbance(?) at Gocheok Dome. JD: Why? F: During Elyxion Dot, the roof got blown away by Jongdae’s high notes, so now every time it rains, they have to cancel the game. JD: Oh no~ they are going to have to do major reconstruction work~ F: I know right. Your singing... (inaudible) 9. "My friend went to the fansign and got Chen’s autograph for me. The security was so strict this time around and didn’t allow them to write someone else’s name, so at first my friend told him his/her name. After that, my friend told Jongdae, “I came here on behalf of my friend, she’s liked you for a very long time. She wrote this letter for you.” After hearing the story, he immediately wrote my name under his autograph. He wrote, study hard and stay healthy. Kim Jongdae, do you know I really like you. I’m crying in the dorm right now. I’m feeling the emotions I’ve felt for the last 6 years." [x] 10. "People who were in front of me all left suddenly and so, as soon as I said thank you~ to Baekhyun, Jongdae who was right next to him, held up two pens and asked, “What color do you like? You can choose the color!” and asked, “Cool, right?” ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I didn’t think he’d ask me a question first, so I was surprised. I asked Jongdae I like your lyrics, do you keep a notebook for writing down lyrics? and he said uh.. noo.. 😮‼️ I was so surprised and asked him, do you just write a quick note whenever (you have inspiration)? and he said I just work on it right before the deadline ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ I was like “Omg!! Then how do your lyrics come out to be so nice?!” and apparently, he works on them for hours… usually really late at night 😭 So I told him, don’t do all nighters sleep is important. He said at the end to be careful not to catch a cold in such a sweet voice like honey bread level (of sweetness)." [x (+ audio)] 11. "Jongdae started to say something, OO-ssi (formal), and I asked him can you say OO-ah (informal)? So he said, OO-ie (informal), have you eaten (formal)? And I said no not yetㅠㅠ he was like why haven’t you eaten, you should eat, so I asked him did you eat? And he said he just quickly had a burger before coming here.. EXO, you should have all the delicious foods… filling foods…" [x] 12."Jongdae recognized me (and asked) Are you also coming (to) next week('s fansign)? Ah, you don’t know yet? and wrote this. When I saw what he wrote after coming home, I punched the wall I didn’t even enter (the raffle to get into next week's fansign)" [x] The message he wrote: Let’s see each other again for sure~ ❤️ 13. "I told Jongdae my boyfriend came too, you wanna see? and I showed him a mirror so that it reflected his face. And he made a face like this •́ ﹏ •̀ and said aigoo/oh my~ OO-ssi, you like these kinds of things don’t you,, really cutely ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ I really, that he said OO-ssi was heart fluttering ㅜㅜ Something that made my heart flutter even more ㅜㅜ After I made the joke, I felt embarrassed and since he finished signing, I was going to move on (really, there were so many people waiting behind me..) but he made eye contact with me and told me to be careful not to catch a cold ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ㅁ⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄" [x] 14. F: Hello JD: (enunciating name clearly) O.O. F: It’s been so long JD: Ah OO, it’s been so long, when~ F: I really really enjoyed Cherry Blossom Love Song~ I was going through a difficult time, and when I listened to your song it helped me relax (he was actively listening/responding the whole time) JD: Yeah~ did it suit me well~? F: Yes~ I’m curious about something, do you still not have pets? JD: No~ F: No? JD: No~ F: There’s something that I’m really curious about, have you ever bought a massage chair? From TV? JD: (his face ㅋㅋㅋ you know the face that he makes (when he’s confused) like hmm? and tilted his head) No? F: Okay then~ ㅋㅋㅋ JD: That was weird hahaha thank you~ [x (+ audio)] (t/n: fans asked because they saw a winner announcement for something probably like an event hosted on a home shopping (informercial) channel that was selling massage chairs, and suspected the winner was JD) 15. F: I asked you to write me something sweet (last time) JD: Really? F: Can you write me something sweet again? JD: What did I write last time? F: "If I said it was love at first sight, would you believe it?" JD: Did I really write that? F: I guess you were feeling hyper (t/n: playful) JD: (writing something down) F: Can you whisper that to me like ASMR style? JD: This? (whispering) OO, you look so pretty today, as usual [x (+ audio)]

translator: jen please do not repost without permission!