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unfolded73 · 4 years

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Husbands: Two Years In (1/5) - schitt’s creek ff

Hi, remember me? I finally wrote something new. This fic is complete, and will be posted over the course of the next two weeks. While I'm including it as part of the "Labels" series, the preceding fics are not required reading. Previous fics in this series: Boyfriends; “I Love You”, Partners, Fiancés

Warning: This fic deals with depression as one of its major topics.

Rated Explicit, this chapter 5059 words. (ao3)

Thanks to @high-seas-swan for cheerleading and B13_MaybeThisTime for many valuable comments (and also cheerleading).

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Chapter 1: Winter

Patrick stuck his head behind the beige curtain of the storeroom at Rose Apothecary. “Bethany, can you cover the register? I’ve got to get to my council meeting.”

“Sure,” she said, leaving off from the merchandise she’d been unpacking and joining him behind the counter.

“I should be back in an hour and a half,” he said, slipping his laptop into his messenger bag.

“No problem. Is David planning to come back to the store today?” she asked.

“I doubt it. He’s gone more than halfway to Thornbridge to meet with potential vendors, so I expect he’ll be late getting back.” Patrick’s thumb strayed to the smooth gold of his wedding ring and he gave it a turn, an ingrained habit now after a year and a half of marriage.

“Okay,” Bethany said to him before turning to the customer who had just approached the register. “Find everything you were looking for today?” she asked in a cheerful, retail clerk voice.

Patrick ducked into the back again to get his coat and gloves and hat, pulling them on and zipping his parka up to his neck before braving the icy temperatures outside. Not for the first time, he wished the store had a vestibule and another set of doors to keep the cold from rushing in every time people came and went during the winter months. He made a mental note to add that to their wish list for a second Rose Apothecary location, when and if that ever became a reality.

David was certainly invested in the idea, spending more time out on the road these days, wooing new vendors or shoring up renewal contracts with existing ones. Hiring Bethany meant they didn’t need to be in the store at the same time, and while the flexibility was more than worth it in terms of the time it gave them to work on growing the business, Patrick had to admit he missed the old days sometimes. When it was only him and David at the store together, sneaking into the back to make out when things were slow.

On the other hand, there was probably something to be said for not spending every hour of every day together, he told himself. Marriages thrived on a little bit of separation. But looking up at the grey sky while he walked through town, it was hard not to feel lonely, the oppressive winter weighing him down.

Patrick ducked into the town hall, always drafty in winter, and pulled his hat and gloves off as he made his way to the desk he used during council meetings and during the one afternoon a week that it was his turn to be on duty, handing out permits and answering questions. It was a good system in a town too small to pay for municipal employees, and helping his fellow townspeople was probably his favorite part of serving on town council.

“Patrick,” Ronnie muttered as he passed by her desk. “Kind of you to grace us with your presence.”

Patrick glanced at his phone. “I’m literally one minute late, Ronnie.”

“One minute late is late.”

“Also, Roland’s not here yet,” Patrick said as he dropped into his desk chair and set up his laptop to take the minutes of their meeting. Ronnie had been quick to inform him that taking minutes always fell to the newest member on town council, although when he expressed his surprise at the idea of Moira Rose doing that job, she’d had to admit that Moira had never actually taken any minutes. Patrick easily agreed to take over from Bob, whom everyone agreed had been terrible at it.

Ronnie just rolled her eyes and waved a hand dismissively at him. She had sort of supported Patrick when he ran unopposed for Moira’s vacated seat (although he also suspected she was behind the whisper campaign to write in Ted the Turtle, Alexis’s former pet who now belonged to Roland Junior — Ted got thirteen percent of the vote), but that didn’t stop her from continuing to needle him at every opportunity.

Roland finally arrived ten minutes later, and they began working their way through the agenda as Roland wolfed down a sizable sandwich at his desk with table manners that his three-year-old son would have looked askance at. They voted on whether to have a stop light installed outside the café (2-2; tabled for further discussion after the next public forum), whether to confer historic landmark status on the old Hockley barn (1-3 nay), and on whether to finalize the calendar for the “Clean up the Creek” days in the summer (4-0 yea).

“What’s next on the agenda, Ronnie?” Roland asked, his mouth full of his lunch, as if he didn’t have a copy of the agenda on his desk. Patrick looked over, and noticed that Roland had emptied a bag of potato chips onto his agenda.

“The annual blood drive,” she replied, consulting the paper in front of her. “Canadian Blood Services is requesting six volunteers, as we’ve provided in the past, to log people in and to hand out juice and cookies after. We need to have the promotional posters printed and get the word out, and then a volunteer meeting will need to be organized by the end of the month. Patrick, you wanna take the lead on this?”

He looked up from his laptop. “On the blood drive?” His stomach twisted, and he considered saying no. “Uh… sure. Sure.” He typed that into the minutes, his fingers tapping sharply on the keys.

The rest of the meeting passed uneventfully, and they disbanded after another twenty minutes. Ronnie made her way over to Patrick as he was emailing the completed minutes out to the other members of council, a task he liked to do right away before he forgot about it.

“You didn’t seem thrilled to be put in charge of the blood drive. If you’re squeamish around needles—”

“I’m not squeamish about giving blood.” He snapped his laptop closed and shoved it into his bag. “I earned a lapel pin in college for donating blood,” he muttered.

“Oh. Then what’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem. I said I’d do it.” He stood up and shouldered his bag. “Be in charge of it, I mean. I won’t be donating blood because I’m not allowed.”

Ronnie’s eyes turned sympathetic. “Right.” She sighed. “The blood donation rules about gay men are outdated and discriminatory; you don’t have to tell me.”

Patrick shrugged. “It is what it is. I really don’t mind being in charge of the blood drive.” He did, a little, but not enough to make a fuss about it. If this was the only way he could contribute now that he fell into the ‘men who have sex with men’ category, then so be it.

When he was halfway to the door, she called out, making him stop in his tracks. “If our community always just said ‘it is what it is,’ then we wouldn’t have made the progress we’ve made. You wouldn’t have been able to stand in this room and marry the person you love. If it’s wrong, then we fight.”

Patrick turned and looked at her. “I kind of missed the activism part of the queer experience,” he admitted. “Although, I used to buy cupcakes from the GSA bake sale in high school.”

Ronnie rolled her eyes, heading out the door and leaving Patrick to follow her. “You are truly a pillar of the queer community,” she drawled, but there wasn’t any heat in it. She even patted his shoulder and said “see you around” as they parted ways.

Still, he felt unsettled as he walked back to the store. The extent of the time that he’d been aware of his sexuality, he’d mostly spent in a homophobia-free bubble. The people of Schitt’s Creek accepted him, his family (with a couple of notable exceptions whom he no longer spoke to) accepted him. He wasn’t used to being confronted with discrimination, and so even this relatively minor thing in his life, that he couldn’t donate blood — as anonymous and bureaucratic as it was, it was still painful.

The rest of the afternoon did little to lift his mood, and he dragged through the motions of closing up the store with Bethany, then drove home alone. He didn’t want to text David in case he was driving, so when he got home he checked the location of David’s phone and saw that he was still at least two hours away, assuming he was even on his way yet. With a heavy sigh, Patrick let himself into their quiet house.

It was almost nine o’clock when David finally arrived, the familiar sound of him knocking snow off his boots rousing Patrick’s attention from his phone. He flipped off the television, the hockey game he wasn’t really paying attention to disappearing into blackness, and turned toward the door as it opened and David came in with a swirl of snowflakes.

“It’s starting to really come down out there,” David said breathlessly, unlooping his scarf from around his neck and hanging it on the coat rack by the front door. “I’m glad I wasn’t running any later.”

“Me too. It’s supposed to be ten centimeters by morning.” Patrick leaned up and kissed David’s cheek, cold against his lips.

David grimaced. “Just enough to be annoying, but not enough to close the store for the day.” He braced himself on the wall and lifted first one foot and then the other to pull off his boots.

“Yeah.” Their front door tended to stick, not quite latching, so Patrick leaned over and gave it a little push, listening for the click of the latch before he locked it. “Did you eat?”

“I grabbed a burger on the road.” His winter coat off, David pulled Patrick into a hug, his long arms moving into their usual place over Patrick’s shoulders and wrapping around him. “Aren’t you going to ask me how it went?”

“How did it go?”

“I got the clover honey contract.”

Patrick grinned. “I knew you would. And the others?”

“The woman who crochets those little animals is still mulling it over. She might be a no. Belinda Jensen signed on to provide the larger supply of soap we asked for. A couple of others — I left all the paperwork in the car.” He kissed Patrick quickly on the lips. “How was your day?”

Patrick struggled to remember through the fog in his brain what he’d done all day — work and his council meeting and the leftovers he’d reheated for dinner and the hockey game he hadn’t been watching. “Uneventful,” he finally replied.

He felt a surge of irrational anger that David had such a wildly productive day, a day that materially benefited their business, while Patrick had… treaded water. He pushed the anger away — he had no reason to be angry with David. He should be proud of David, of the way he continued to work to make their business thrive, of how good he was with the vendors.

The remainder of the evening was quiet, David on the sofa intermittently reading and texting with Alexis while Patrick made a grocery list, and then another list of tasks he wanted to accomplish over the weekend. It only served to remind him of all things he’d meant to do this winter that he hadn’t gotten around to yet. He just kept getting paralyzed lately; going over and over all the things he needed to do in his mind, but not actually starting any of them.

“I’m ready for spring,” he muttered to himself.

David looked up from his phone. “What are you talking about, you love winter! Winter has hockey, which you love.”

“Yeah.” Patrick sighed. “I’m not really feeling it this year. I’m exhausted.”

Reaching over to rub his shoulder, David gave him a look full of sympathy. “Anything I can do?”

Patrick shook his head and stood up. There wasn’t really anything wrong, so what could David do? “I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you up there in a minute,” David said, distracted by another text from Alexis that made him smile down at his phone.

Patrick had dozed off into a light sleep by the time David crawled into bed next to him, but the dip of the mattress woke him. He rolled over toward his husband, lips against the stubble of David’s jaw, inhaling the scent of his moisturizer. “Missed you today,” he murmured sleepily.

“Missed you too.” David turned his head, brushing his lips against Patrick’s. “Mm, you’re warm.” He wriggled his body, snuggling closer.

Patrick pressed another kiss against David’s mouth, and then another, with softer lips — a little bit longer, a little bit slower.

“Thought you were sleeping,” David said, his voice syrupy and mellow.

“I’m kissing you goodnight,” Patrick said. Another kiss — longer still, slower still.

“That’s how it starts,” David said with a smile, his hand burrowing down and finding the jut of Patrick’s hipbone.

He had a point. There were times when they went to bed with no particular intention to have sex, but the simple press of their mouths together would ignite a fire between them. Patrick wondered if that tendency would ever fade. He hoped not. Especially lately, the physical intimacy he shared with David was one of the only things that made him feel good. It was the only time that he didn’t feel like everything was sort of disappointing and foggy, when he could ignore all of life’s recent shortcomings and annoyances. He could turn off those thoughts and feel the pleasure that David was an expert in drawing out of him.

“Do you wanna have sex?” Patrick asked.

David gave him a crooked smile. “I thought I was too tired, but I might be coming around to the idea.”

Patrick scratched his blunt nails across the back of David’s neck, humming into his mouth as their kisses got deeper and messier. His heartbeat accelerating, that good, fizzy feeling suffusing his body, Patrick shifted closer, enjoying the sensation of their bodies together through their pajamas.

Long before they were married, they established a pattern where Patrick was more often than not the one to take charge in bed, but tonight he wanted it to be David. He felt like he needed to be taken, and used, and useful.

“Can you…” he started to ask, then paused as he tried to figure out how to put what he needed into words. He still struggled with the vulnerability of that, sometimes. Of asking for what he needed. He found it much easier to let David ask for things.

“Tell me what you need, honey,” David whispered as they pulled off their clothes.

Make me forget that I’ve been feeling so shitty, Patrick thought. Show me you still need me.

“Can you hold me down and… fuck my thighs?” Patrick asked instead. The sex act was easier to talk about than the feelings that were underneath it.

“Mm hmm, I can do that,” David said. In the dark, Patrick couldn’t make out David’s facial expression, didn’t know if David was reading any of his churning thoughts. Couldn’t tell if David thought it was odd that Patrick was asking for him to be the dominant one. Not that he’d never been submissive in bed, he had, but he’d done it because it was something David was in the mood for. He’d almost never asked for it.

“Turn over,” David said, the liquid tone of his voice making Patrick shiver as he followed the direction.

Patrick reached over for the lube from the bedside table, handing it back to David before he positioned his back against David’s chest. David didn’t do anything with it right away, though, his mouth wet and sure against Patrick’s shoulder, hand running up and down his hip and thigh over and over, then coming around to gently scrape his fingernails across Patrick’s balls before taking his dick in a loose fist, stroking with a teasing lack of pressure. Patrick moaned, pushing back against David’s erection. He almost changed his mind and asked David to fuck his ass instead — having David inside him really would get him out of his head; it always did. But both of them were tired and the preparation would take awhile, and his original instinct was fine. He didn’t say anything, tipping his head to give David more access to his neck.

After a few more minutes of foreplay, David finally grabbed the lube, getting the inside of Patrick’s thighs and his own cock slick before positioning himself. Patrick clenched his thighs together and David groaned at the friction, fingers clenching on Patick’s hip briefly before his hand moved around and took hold of Patrick’s cock again, matching the rhythm of his hips to the rhythm of his stroking. He wasn’t trying to draw things out now; he was working Patrick’s cock to get him off quickly, and the sensation of it, the way it demonstrated how perfectly David knew him, knew his body, allowed Patrick to stop thinking and sink into the pleasure. He had just enough presence of mind to cup his own palm over himself before spilling over David’s fist, coming with a gasp and a bitten off moan.

David let him pause long enough to grab one of the little towels they kept a stack of on the bedside table to clean himself up, to keep the sheets unscathed, before pushing Patrick down onto his stomach and fucking more vigorously, his cock sliding between Patrick’s thighs and against his balls. Patrick closed his eyes tight and gripped his pillow and let David take him, let him fuck against him, his weight bearing down on Patrick’s back, his pelvis slapping against Patrick’s ass.

“Fuck,” David whispered, and then he lifted up, pulling away from Patrick’s body. “I need to…” he said, and then Patrick heard the slick noise of David jacking himself, and then very quickly the warmth and wetness of David coming on his lower back.

“Sorry for the unnegotiated cumshot,” David said as soon as he caught his breath enough to speak.

Patrick held the towel he was still clutching up for David to take, laughing. “You’re good,” he said as David cleaned him up. “I only need warning if it’s gonna be on my face,” he continued as he flipped over, taking the towel from David and tossing it toward the laundry hamper. While David went to the bathroom to wash his hands and then pulled his pajamas back on, Patrick considered doing the same, but then David was curling around him under their heavy duvet and Patrick couldn’t bring himself to move. He closed his eyes and let the drowsiness from his orgasm pull him under.

~*~

His alarm went off early, and it took Patrick a few seconds to remember why he’d set it so early: the snow.

Mournfully extracting himself from the warmth of bed, Patrick pulled on yesterday’s jeans and a hoodie, then made his way downstairs to don all of his winter gear. Opening the front door, he took a second to admire the pure, untouched snow that blanketed the world before he perturbed it with his boot prints.

Everything seemed preternaturally quiet, the snow dampening what little noise there was. Patrick thought there would have been a time when he would have loved this quiet, would have loved being alone with his thoughts while he did some meditative manual labor. This morning, he shied away from the contents of his own brain, electing to put his earbuds in and to listen to a podcast instead. Patrick fell into a rhythm of snow shoveling in the winter pre-dawn light — push, lift, throw, repeat — so he didn’t notice David until he was almost down to the end of the driveway where Patrick was working.

“David!” Patrick pulled one of his earbuds out, letting it hang. The cold had made the wire stiff, the angle of it unnatural. “I didn’t think you’d be awake yet.”

David had jammed his feet into snow boots, the joggers he’d worn to bed bunching up around his calves. A hat was jammed down on his head, covering his ears, and he shivered as he struggled to zip his coat with gloved fingers. “You not being in bed wakes me up sometimes. And I felt bad that you were out here by yourself.”

“You don’t need to feel bad — you’re covering the store today.” They each had a day each week when they worked the store with Bethany while the other had the day off, and today was David’s day to work. “The least I can do is dig your car out for you.”

David huffed. “Let me help.”

Patrick tilted his head to the side, regarding his husband thoughtfully. “Okay, David. There’s another shovel in the shed.”

David tromped away as directed, and a minute later he was shoveling in a parallel track to where Patrick had been working. It wasn’t something that Patrick could have pictured David Rose doing a few years ago, but David had seemed determined to meet the challenge of homeownership in a lot of ways that Patrick couldn’t have pictured before they were married.

When they finished and went back inside, David groaned as he bent over to pull his boots off. “Ugh, my back,” he whined.

Patrick tried to put a hand on David’s lower back, but his puffy winter coat prevented any contact. “Go take a shower and I’ll make your coffee,” he said.

Patrick put on water to heat up, rubbing his hands together to warm himself, and began getting things set up for breakfast: he ground coffee beans for David’s French press and got out tea for himself and eggs for both of them. He moved automatically through the morning routine, ingrained habits from their year and a half of marriage and from all the mornings before that, when David spent the night at Patrick’s apartment.

After making David breakfast and seeing him out the door with a reminder to drive carefully, Patrick curled up on the sofa with his phone. He had a list of chores he wanted to tackle, and he had a book he wanted to read, but he spent over an hour switching between social media apps, dipping into the first few paragraphs of news articles before dipping back out, not focusing on any one thing for more than a few minutes. He opened a couple of game apps, but closed them again just as quickly without doing anything. These days he’d been mostly avoiding Facebook — he knew the ethical thing to do these days was to delete your Facebook account, but he was afraid of losing touch with all the people he didn’t communicate with any other way. He opened the app now, scrolling through the posts on his feed, most of them family members and friends from high school and college.

He paused briefly on a candid picture on his cousin Sara’s page of her son Justin. “Justin’s last performance in Newsies was last night!!! Great job to all!!!!” Wrinkling his nose at all the exclamation points, he took a good look at his cousin’s kid. They weren’t at the wedding, but he had seen Justin very briefly at the engagement barbecue his parents had thrown for him and David. He’d been a gawky fifteen-year-old at the time, quiet, ghosting along beside his parents with the disdain for attending a family function that only a teenager was capable of. The boy in the picture was older, and something about the way he looked in the picture, his arms slung over the shoulders of a couple of his castmates, made Patrick smile. Congrats to Justin!, he typed into the comments.

Finally, he dragged himself upstairs to shower and get dressed in some clean clothes, regretting that he’d already squandered part of his day off. He could have gone into the store with David if the alternative was this, a day at home feeling adrift and empty.

A hot shower helped, and afterward Patrick started a load of laundry, settling onto the sofa with a basket of towels from the dryer to fold. He unlocked his phone and started one of his history podcasts playing. Most of the rest of the day passed by as Patrick did the bare minimum of household chores, interrupted by long stretches of lost time when he was doing nothing in particular.

Stevie stopped by at a little past five o’clock, flopping down at the kitchen table while Patrick looked in the fridge and tried to decide what he was going to make for dinner.

“Do you want to hear something hilarious?” Stevie asked as Patrick took a packet of chicken breasts out and checked the date. They were still good, and he figured they would do for dinner. A serviceable, boring dinner — the Patrick Brewer of dinners, he thought uncharitably. He also took out some mushrooms, and grabbed an onion from the bowl on the counter.

“Sure,” he answered.

“I saw Gwen yesterday.”

“Bob’s Gwen?” He pulled a chef’s knife from the block and sliced the onion in half.

“Okay, she hasn’t been Bob’s Gwen for a few years.”

Patrick huffed. “No, I know, I was just asking if that’s who you meant. Because she moved to Elm… somewhere. Elm Valley?”

“She moved to Elm Ridge, actually, but she was in town for some reason, and I saw her.”

He squinted at Stevie. “And?”

“And she asked how it was working out among the three of us, and it was clear she meant… like, she thought we’re a throuple.”

Patrick laughed. “We do spend a lot of time together, you, me, and David.”

“I know, but you’re gay.”

“Sure, but I can’t say I’ve ever explained the particulars of my sexual orientation to Gwen. Maybe she assumes I’m pansexual like David.” He blinked up at her. “Are you worried that people will think you’re off the market?”

Stevie shrugged. “The kinds of people I tend to hook up with wouldn’t care.”

“Fair enough.” Patrick felt the old impulse to reassure Stevie that she’d find the right person eventually, and he had to remind himself that he needed to take her at her word, that romance and love weren’t necessarily what she was looking for.

“Are you okay?” she asked with narrowed eyes, watching him carefully as he put dinner together.

“I’m just tired. Had kind of a shitty day.” He couldn’t articulate what made it shitty, though. It was the vague ennui that had been plaguing him lately, the pregnant rain clouds in his brain that were casting a shadow over everything, washing the colour out. “ You staying for dinner?”

“Yeah, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“It’s always fine, Stevie. You know that.”

“Thanks.” She walked over and grabbed a beer out of the fridge, opening it with the magnetic bottle opener that Patrick kept on the door.

“Maybe I just haven’t been getting enough sunshine lately,” Patrick said.

“Do we need to get you one of those light therapy things?” Stevie asked, taking a swig of her beer.

Patrick chuckled. “I don’t know, maybe.” He bit his lip, unsure if he should share more. “It kind of reminds me of the way I used to feel before I ran away and moved here. But back then, I had a good reason to be sad. I’ve got no reason to be sad now.”

“Depression doesn’t have to have a reason. I mean, it doesn’t have to be because you’re… engaged to the wrong person, for example.”

He knew that, intellectually. But he wasn’t sure he really believed it, deep down. “I guess.” He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “When’s your next trip?” he asked to divert the conversation onto another track.

Patrick cooked and the two of them gossiped for a bit longer until David got home from the store, planting a kiss on Patrick’s lips when he joined them in the kitchen. The easy banter among the three of them over dinner quelled some of Patrick’s unhappiness, and he found himself laughing through the familiar see-saw of their interactions, as they cycled through every combination of two-against-one. They finally settled on the sofa, David putting on the episode of Derry Girls that they had left off with the last time Stevie was over. Stevie sat between them, leaning against Patrick’s shoulder with her socked feet up on David’s lap.

“Can’t imagine why people think we’re a throuple,” Patrick said, lifting his shoulder and adjusting to a more comfortable position before gesturing for her to lean on him again.

Stevie snorted. “In your dreams, Brewer.”

“Nope.” Then he thought about it. “Well, there was that one time during Cabaret, but I’m not responsible for who turns up in my sex dreams.”

David turned and eyed him. “Who turned up in your sex dreams?”

“Me, apparently,” Stevie said as she poked David in the leg with her toe.

“Ew,” David said.

“Ted, a few times,” Patrick said, which got him an eye roll from his husband.

“I assume you mean the turtle,” David said, looking back at the television.

“Yeah, I’m so hot for turtles.”

Stevie started flipping through a dating app on her phone, her attention only half on the show they were watching.

“What do you think of this one?” she said, holding up the phone so that Patrick could see the blandly handsome shirtless guy on the screen.

“Meh.”

“He’s got nice arms,” Stevie said.

“He looks like an asshole.”

“Doesn’t mean he won’t be a good fuck.”

He supposed not, and it didn’t seem like Stevie really wanted his opinion anyway, even though she’d asked for it. He watched as she swiped right on Mr. Shirtless.

Patrick dozed off after a little while, existing in that place between wakefulness and sleep where he was still convinced he was following the story of the show they were watching even though his eyes were closed. He was distantly aware of the warmth of Stevie pressed up against his side and the smell of her hair, and of the safety of being with the two people who knew him best in the world.

(Chapter 2)

#schitt's creek fic #david x patrick #david x patrick fic #david x patrick ff #schitt's creek #my fic #schitt's creek ff

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sothischickshe · 4 years

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11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

Ha ha well, as established, my writing process is completely normal. It goes something like:

Be struck with the germ of an idea

Stare into space considering it for a while

Go back to task at hand and forget about it

See if it comes back

If it does come back, consider it some more, stare into space a lot

If I'm into, write it down on the list of things I want to write (possibly just with the word 'car' to really confuse future me)

When I've finished a thing, I wanna chill for a bit (and i only really write one thing at a time)

So after some chilling, I'll start considering the next thing i wanna write

This culminates in some serious staring into space (and apparently randomly writing line by line via ask memes)

I try to think through the whole story, start to end - exactly what happens (and also to examine for logistics flaws)

I might need notes at this point to work out in what order things happen, or to list questions/problems

Then I move on to telling myself the story with the actual sentences, it might be a bit fuzzy in some places but broadly I want to know what words I want

Then I handwrite it, preferably all in one go, stream of consciousness style

I might reread and edit the handwritten draft, especially if there was a gap between writing parts of it

Then I type it up, preferably in one go, I try to bite the instinct to edit at this point cos usually when I do I discover there was a reason I wrote it like that doi

Then I'll reread a couple times just looking for blatant errors really

Then I'll let it sit

Then I'll come to edit properly, which largely means reading through it again and again (and getting distracted yelling at spellcheck)

There'll be stuff that doesn't quite sit right but I might not be able to work out what's wrong with it so I'll just leave that to the back of my mind till later; I'll do a couple of lightly stoned edit passes too cos I find it helps me read slower and catch stuff more; I'll edit sentence by sentence to see if I like the shape of the sentence surrounded by its friends, or if there's a better way to say it (maybe without the word 'back' 18 times in the same sentence); I'll add bits, remove bits, move bits; try to finesse word choices, emphasise/foreshadow/explain, draw out comparisons/parallels... Editing basically!

Once I've read it through a couple of times without finding anything glaring, I'll save it as a draft on ao3

And then I'll edit from there - and I can access on multiple devices, so I might read on my phone and edit on my pos computer. This'll probably focus more on rhythm and sound but I'll probably still find things I want to change or move, and errors

And yea, basically it's just a process of reading through it until I don't find anything glaring and just going, fuck it post it, which is usually the point I discover I forgot to change the publish date from when I saved the draft whoops (and then when I do come to read it back being like ah well that's a sentence I'd change but not changing it, or there's a typo and in fact fixing it)

Chilllllll for a while, rinse and repeat

(I am obviously not recommending this because it's as impractical as it sounds, but I think it combines my love of free writing with my need to know the shape of the story. Ultimately I think everyone figures out what works for them by trying stuff out!)

#I actually did do some post posting editing for waiting for someone who needs me #I changed 2 words #I wanted to change 4 more but talked myself out of it #I wonder how much of this is me being ornery #It's basically impossible to argue with the advice: if you have an idea write it dien #*down #That's objectively good advice!!!#And yet #Writing #On writing #Fanfiction #Fanfic

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katsukikitten · 5 years

Text

Summer night of third year 2??

Yea I'm sorry but what the fuck did I name part 1? Maybe if I kept UP TO DATE with my master list I wouldnt have this problem.

⬅️➡️⬅️➡️⬆️

Time does not move as slowly as Katsuki thought as the sun sets on class 1As beach day much faster than he'd like to admit.

The umbrellas were closed much like this day at the beach as they were left for tomorrow. You linger, eyes staring over what was picture perfect moments ago, there's still tomorrow is what you keep telling yourself as you walk backwards towards the lodge.

Dinner was already underway by the time you slipped into the dining room. What between Katsuki who was voluntold to cook and Todoroki y'all would be eating in a few minutes. Bodies begin to pile in to sit around the large table in the combined two rooms, you bite your lip forgetting how much you hate confined spaces with a crowd, even as you sat at the very end.

Even when these people were supposed to be your friends, yet the room still felt a little claustrophobic and you weren't drunk enough to be able to deal with all of them at once yet. You tap the flask that hides in your inside pocket and your fingers touch the smooth square box of cigarettes. Suddenly the box is SCREAMING at you, at how badly you want a stick to your lips with a flame burning at the end.

If nothing more than an excuse to get outside.

You slide out the side door with ease without even having to use your quirk. You flick your lighter on and off a few times as an irritatingly smooth voice growls in your head.

*"Bullshit you can quit anytime you want, you're a slave to them."*

You growl to yourself pulling an aromatic stick from the box being sure to dodge your lucky as you place it between your tender lips.

You COULD stop anytime you wanted. The fact of the matter was you simply didn't fucking want to.

You light the small white stick, giving it a good drag before you blow it from your nose like a dragon.

"All you're doing is proving my fucking point, princess baka."

You lift your shirt and find the smooth handle of your favorite knife to slam it into the door jamb at the last second as you see it is only that annoying asshole who won't leave you alone.

"One day I'm going to follow through and you'll be dead, stalker boy." You go to take another drag but the stick and your pack of smokes is ripped from your hand and going up in smoke encouraged by little popping sounds.

"Can you fucking not?!" You pull the knife from the wood angrily, brandishing it for just a moment before returning it to its sheath on your ribs. Other wise it might sink between his third and fourth, never to obliterate your smokes again.

Your stomach twists at the thought and you brush over the handle before finding the cool flask.

"Oi, dinner is ready. You might wanna get in there before there's nothing left."

"Yea yea I'll think about eating." You grumble, crossing your arms as you think about how far away the next convience store was.

10 miles last you saw and you were pretty sure an overly priced pack of smokes wasn't going to be worth it.

"You better eat, you've drank more than you've eaten. Plus I didn't cook for your shit to get cold." He looks over his shoulder with dark eyes, "Now come inside Princess."

Ten miles was looking better and better.

*************

The night wound down to be dull and boring even as all of you drank.

But no one had the balls to be open about their feelings.

Even you could see that in the past six months that some of these fools have been avoiding it and what better way than to bring it to the forefront by stirring the shit pot. You smirk to yourself as you sashay to the freezer pulling out the stashed bottles of liquor making your way to sit at the head of their circle snatching Kirishima's beer and chugging it as you do.

"Hey!" He whines but you ignore him, all eyes on you. The sore thumb of the group, the black sheep that does not belong. The anomaly that disrupts the team.

You smile to yourself at the thought.

"So everyone is single right?" A lot of blushing cheeks confirm your hunch, "Good then no one will have a problem participating."

You place the cool glass in the center of the circle placing it to yourself first.

"Participate in fucking what?" Katsuki growls but does not make a move to leave just yet. He needs to be here to make sure you're on your best behavior.

"Kiss or dare!" You smile and when all twenty of your classmates give you a puzzled look you sigh, "Its like this."

You spin the bottle, the glass rounds and rounds, whirring as it does before it starts to slow as Minta all but pants at the idea of a kissing game.

The empty beer lands on Denki, his cheeks flush, golden eyes flashing to Jhiro at lightening speed missed by all but you as you take a mental note.

"So the bottle landed on Denki, I have the choice to kiss him or not. If I choose not to he gets the choice of 'Is it true that...' or 'I dare you to..' but you cannot dare them to kiss you, but you can dare them to kiss someone else. If you do not do the dare, truth, or kiss you MUST take a shot but after your third pass you have to do what's asked of you." You smile at him and his cheeks deepen in hue, "Dont worry this is practice. I'd like a truth or dare."

He swallows as he thinks, the meme lord wondering if he should just ask what he's been dying to know since you transferred here or if he should make light of the situation.

"Is it true that you were a former criminal in the states? Like a modern day cat woman?" He eyes your tight black tank top that dips a little low and how it fits your curves. You smile at his question, one of the many rumors going around school about you.

"Technically that's two questions." You purr opting to take your shot, "Now let's begin! U-san you have the honors of spinning first."

Iida, Ojiro, Aoyama, Koda, Sato and Shoji opt out silently then and there agreeing to build the separators for the rooms so the can play video games.

"Well I'm not playing fuck this." Katsuki goes to stand, part of you is relieved and the other?

Well the other wants to get under his skin.

"What a surprise that stalker boy is scared." You giggle, Kirishima stares at you with mouth agape as Katsuki looks over his shoulder.

"What the fuck did you say?"

"I said you are a coward." You say slowly so he can understand. He sits back down in an angry puff.

"You'll regret challenging me." He says darkly, half the class gulps but you roll your eyes at the dramatics.

"Yea yea. I'll rue the fucking day." You say mockingly before your voice is laced with excitement, "Now back to you U-san."

"Ah me?" She is blushing as badly as Deku who sits across from her. You wonder if she hopes with all her heart that it will land on the emerald hair boy but the Gods have spoken as it lands on an apathetic pair of heterochromatic eyes. She let's out the smallest sound of disappointment that makes you shudder.

This night will prove interesting after all

"Uh...ummm" Brown doe eyes flash to Deku before locking onto Todoroki, "Truth or dare!"

"Is it true that you have a crush on someone in this room?" His voice is smooth, caressing the room even as everyone falls silent, astounded by his bluntness. You glee bubbles up from your stomach in a manic smile. She turns the color of Katsuki's scarlet eyes before she finally answers, eyes glued to the floor.

"Yes.."

"Well well!" You giggle, "Someone may get a confession tonight! Momo your turn!"

The Gods do not favor Momo as the bottle comes to a halt in front of a purple headed boy, the every girl shudders with displeasure at the thought.. She gulps while he drools, eyes glued to her figure.

"Truth or dare." She says quickly, and his face becomes visibly crest fallen.

"Is it true your bra size is a DD32?" He stares blatantly at her covered chest, she moves her baggy sweatshirt to cover herself more. She brings a well manicuried hand to the little glass of clear liquid before her and swallows the burning shot whole.

Katsuki spins the bottle angirly, causing it to tailspin for far too long before landing on Kirishima.

Denki, Sero, and Mina laugh as Katsuki grits his teeth. Kirishima teasingly puckers his lips earning a deadly glare.

"Truth or dare you fucking idiot."

"Hmmm I dare you to try to get the number from the receptionist downstairs." He offers a challenging smirk to witch Katsuki returns.

"Easy." He stands quickly as you laugh.

"Who would want *his* number?" You giggle but Kirishima stands, motioning for you to follow as the dare unfolds.

The two of you stand on the stairs shrouded in shadows. A place you are used to being as Katsuki looks over his shoulder a final time before leaning agaisnt the counter. You smile knowing he will fail but as his voice comes out smoothly, husky even as he gives off this aura of exuding power, speaking to the blushing girl your stomach twists.

"M...my number." She looks up at him shyly and he leans closer, with a cocky grin on his face.

"Yes, princess." He purrs. Something pangs in your chest over the pet name. As far as you knew you were the only one he called that. Your brows dip into a scowl as she giggles.

"I would love to get to know you more..." He adds, twirling the pen before he offers it to her. She grabs onto his hand writing on his palm her actual number.

"You'll text me?" The beautiful girl behind the desks asks with almost a sadness to it.

"Of course I will, *Princess*." He purrs albeit you do not know it is a lie. This time you cannot deny the rage that wells in your stomach although you chalk it up to his victory. You crumple a five into Kirshima's large palm before the ash blonde meets the two of you on the stairs, palm held out to you with a heart around her phone number. You hear her texting madly on her phone. Most likely texting her friends about the oh so "hot" blonde that got her number. You roll her eyes.

"Text her right now." You bite and Katsuki gives you a look before he whips out his phone. Thumbs tapping away at the phone quickly.

He turns his phone to you, the face of it displays a Hey Princess that has you grinding your teeth as her phone in the lobby dings, followed by her delighted squeal and three dots popping up in reply. You lock his phone before turning on your heel.

"The others are waiting." You say smoothly.

Two more rounds flash by in what feels like seconds as the bottle is again in your possession.

"I cannot believe no one has kissed anyone yet! Now every third turn you must kiss who it lands on. Yall got these next two rounds to figure your shit out!" You dictate, spinning the bottle with flair. It lands on Mina who's eyes widen as she stares at the glass bottle. The room seems to still again, waiting for your move.

And do you make a fucking move.

All eyes are on you, two red sets in particular that watch you crawl in your much too short shorts that give half of the class a view they cannot forget while the other half gets a picture perfect moment of your breasts.

You straddle Mina gently before pulling her pink chin towards you, capturing her lips with yours as if she were the love of your life. She whimpers beneath your touch, a swipe of your tongue over hers before you pull away. Her cheeks aflame from both the kiss and the other sets of eyes on you both.

Because when you did something you did it BIG.

Sero and Denki share a look, silently conveying to one another just how hot that was, thanking the Kamisami above for this twisted game of Kiss or Dare.

The bottle spins on, Uraraka omits what her panty color is, Deku must admits he too has a crush, Denki tells the gritty details of what his last dream was about (he leaves out the part where he and Jhiro make out) Todoroki has to strip to his deep sapphire blue boxers and stay in them for the rest of the night, your eyes catch over his abs with delight.

The other girls silently thank you for your boldness and catch the hint. Begining to dare the boys to strip.

Katsuki's bottle lands on Mina who gives him a cat smile.

"True or dare." He bites out.

"I dare you to strip to your boxers for the rest of the evening." She laces her fingers together with delight as he rolls his eyes from the predictably.

Despite having seen all the guys in their bathing suits today there was just *something* about the way boxers fit a guy.

Your smile begins to fade as you watch him remove his shirt, grabbing it by the back of the collar and pulling it in a swift motion, revealing his wash board abs. Your mouth waters for a moment so deft hands unbuckle his belt with ease, you bite your lip suddenly angry. Angry that he is taking his clothes off differently than the rest of them, Kirishima and Todoroki undressed normally, quickly even but Bakugou stands with finesse somehow in his agitated movements, sliding down his Khaki shorts over toned legs to reveal black boxers that cling to his powerful thighs and cute ass.

Your heart stills watching his muscles become taunt before he tosses his shit to the side, cocky smile in his lips so he goes back into a criss cross sitting position.

"Oi." He says to the whole class before his eyes land on you, "Stop staring."

Everyone averts their eyes but you, you hold onto his gaze narrowing your eyes as that damn cocky grin grows wider.

The game plays on and your bottle lands on Kirishima.

You lick your lips, ready to dive onto that heavenly hardened body. You straddle him as you did Mina, titling his head more roughly than you did her towards you while his hands naturally find themselves on your hips.

You steal the breath from him as your mouth works wonders, tongue massaging, his eyes flutter as he fights back a groan but the whole class can see how tight his grip is on your hips.

The sight having one person in particular seething, scarlet eyes roving over the indents in your thick hips. He bites back a growl and you part from Kirishima none the wiser as you say aloud.

"How does Mina taste on me?"

His eyes widen, as his heart clenches with guilt at your reminder who his actual crush is. But Mina seems unbothered, excited to share a story that they kissed the same *girl*.

Uraraka spins the glass, this time Kamisama smiles upon her and it lands on Deku. She goes to chicken out but you interrupt her truth or dare.

"As a reminder, everyone this round HAS to kiss who the bottle lands on." Deku blushes furiously as Uraraka walks over to him, she gets to her knees before him before kissing him on the cheek last second. Everyone let's out an audibly sigh. But to your surprise Deku pulls her back to him and kisses her fiercely.

"I want you to stop playing this game." His voice comes out a whisper to her but the hushed room allows for everyone to hear, "Let's go to the beach."

You smile as your plan slowly comes together. Momo's bottle some hoe lands on Todoroki, both of them so wasted that they cannot stop themselves from their kiss. Both having held back their feelings for far too long. Todoroki lifts Momo with strong arms as he guides her to the balcony. Denki lands on Jhiro and they both agree to quit but they hold hands as they leave. Slowly your circle shrinks. Katsuki spins and the bottle lands on Kirishima again.

Their eyes widen and as Katsuki goes to stand to leave the game you hold his gaze.

"Coward." You say loudly and he walks to Kirishima, eyes glued to you as he pulls the male up by his chin. Kissing him with a fevor you did not know Katuki possessed and just like you Kirishima cannot deny the passion of the kiss and must fight back a groan. Katsuki let's go, wiping his mouth as the small circle stares in amazement. Hagakure lands on Mineta causing her to comment on how late it was, disappearing quickly as she shed her clothes. Mineta passes out from both a broken heart and too many shots to think. Another round happens, Tokoyami lands on Mina to which he pecks on the cheek, your bottle lands on Mina and she dares you to take off your shirt.

Leaving you to be the one to blush now as she knows you arent wearing anything more than an unlined bralette. Its tight enough that it reveals your pierced nipple to which scarlet eyes are glued.

It is the ash blonde's turn now and it lands on you. You smile as you think up a question to ask him but instead he stands, walking towards you and stopping just beside you. He lifts you by the arm pulling you away from the group.

"She's done playing." A chorus of aaaahhhs rings out before the game dissolves before your very eyes.

"How are you just going to dictate that the game is over stalker boy?!" You growl as he pushes you onto the separate balcony from Todoroki and Momo.

You pat yourself for your smokes, becoming more and more agitated with the blonde before you as you remember what happened to them.

Lucky and all.

"I can dictate whatever I want Princess." The name ignites a drunken fire in you and you shove him, pushing him against the wall hating his God damn intoxicating scent of slightly burnt sugar.

"Don't call me that. Clearly you save that name for any old stupid slut." You hiss. Bakugou's eyes narrow, bare skin heating beneath your palms that press against his chest. One over his sternum the other prodding the sweet meat between two ribs. He flips you, slamming you into the exterior wall, deadly arms trapping you as the wooden siding bites into your ass, back and bare thighs. One of his hands finds your hip, squeezing hard enough for a bruise to blossom as he is reminded that someone else has gripped your tender flesh.

"Then I have every right to call you a slut huh? You kissed half the class tonight." He snarls darkly, "I can only imagine what you did in the states while you were a thief AND an assassin."

You still at his comment, no longer trying to move his muscled body from yours.

"How did you?" It comes out angry yet your eyes still water.

"You don't make a sound when you walk, you appear out of thin air, you blend into any crowd or background better than I've ever seen and lastly a lot of stuff has turned up missing." He leans closer to you, "Like a certain t shirt of mine, a lighter I use for practice, Azawai's goggles and about 50,000 yen between the twenty of us."

You look away more ashamed over the killing more than the stealing. The stealing you picked up to survive, the killing...

Well the killing paid big and you had a lot you needed to pay for.

Not that any of it mattered in the end with the life that was cut much too short.

You grab onto his forearm, nails digging into his skin, silently begging for him to stop.

"You have swift hands. It's why I have to watch you." He tilts your chin his way again and you jerk free just for his strong fingers to find your jawline once more.

"I hate you watching me." A dark growl leaves your kissable lips that somehow cuts deeper into Katsuki than one of your knives ever has.

"Why?" The question comes out slowly and you whip your eyes to his.

"Your gaze is so heavy Suki. I'm only ever reminded of the wrong I've done and the wrong I'll continue to do. I never please you, you always scold me and I told myself well at least he hates me some kinda special since I have my own nickname but come to find out you call any bitch that!" You huff, stupid drunk tears pricking your eyes.

"You think I *care* about that girl downstairs?" He snarls darkly, "Do I make sure she eats when she goes through a depressive episode? To I help steer her clear of smoking or alchohol that she could binge on during her darkest hour? Do I pick a fight or force her to spare with me when I know she needs to let off steam? Do I feed her the finest foods, place a chocolate bar for her to steal out of the freezer or treat her remotely to fucking anything like you?"

You have no words as you digest what he had said, scarlet eyes flickering back and forth, searching yours for answers before he finds it. He tilts your head to his, taking your lips to his own as he kisses you tenderly, parting and returning to kiss you deeply. Biting your lip for entrance as your tongues fight, his hands finding your pierced nipple easily. He gives it a harsh tug earning a moan into his mouth. He explores you for a few moments before he let's go, both of your lips swollen as you pant for breath.

"You're my one and fucking only, got it *Princess*?"

"Yea yea stalker boy." You pull him back to you by the nape of his neck, kissing him with breath stealing passion.

#bakugou #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki au #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bnha #bnha bakugou #bnha katsuki #bnha midoriya #bnha kacchan #bnha imagines #bnha au

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marvel-lucy · 4 years

Text

The Ultimate Weapon, postscripts

Because I wanted people to suffer, when I wrote my first fic I made it very long, and then added three chapters of postscripts. I’ve merged those three chapters here because quite frankly, nobody needs this crap on their dashboard :) It’s HUGE as a result. Still, here’s Bucky because that makes everything better.

Bucky and I didn’t sleep together that night, or not in the euphemistic sense any way, although we did in the 'falling asleep' sense. He carried me back to his room and we lay on his bed, kissing, then talking, then kissing more, for hours. I felt intoxicated with the taste of him; the salty feel of his tongue on mine; the shivers as he slowly whisper-kissed down my neck. I would have done anything he asked that night, but he didn’t ask and I didn’t know how to.

We feel asleep eventually, waking up in each other’s arms and I could have spent the rest of the day there, watching Bucky sleep. His lips were swollen and red, and I knew I’d done that. His hair was tousled, and it was my fingers that had tangled in it and pulled, making him whimper with desire. There was a red mark just below his collar, and I knew it was my teeth that had put it there. I loved lying there and looking at how I’d marked him, labelled him ‘mine’.

“What you staring at doll?” I didn’t realise he’d woken up, but his blue eyes were watching me watching him. His lips curled into a slow smile and he pulled me closer with the arm that was wrapped around my waist. We were both still fully dressed, his tie was undone and our shoes were off but I was still wearing the red dress I’d regretfully put on the night before, now twisted and hitched up uncomfortably. It felt perfect.

“Just some guy I like”

“Oh, some guy huh?” He tickled me gently on my back. “He anything special then? Should I check him out, make sure he’s legit?”

“Oh he’s something special, I guess. But he’s definitely not legit,” I leant forward and whispered in his ear. “And I like it that way.”

With a laugh, Bucky had rolled over, pulling me on top of him. It was no secret that he was aroused, I could feel the evidence beneath me and gave a little wiggle of my hips against him to make him groan. He wrapped his arms tight around me as I rested up on my elbows.

“You’re pretty damn special too,” he nuzzled his nose against my neck as he spoke. “You deserve so much good stuff, God you’ve missed out on so much, you…” He paused, and I took the opportunity to grind up against him again, my own moan joining his. Then, I let out a huff of disappointment as he rolled me off him and sat up.

“You have missed so damn much haven’t you?” I sat up too, puzzled at the sudden change.

“Um, well, I guess, yeah, but that doesn’t matter does it?”

“You’re 21 now but you haven’t had a chance to do all the normal adolescent stuff. You should do! OK, plan. I’m going to go shower and do some… stuff. You go shower and I’ll meet you in the kitchen?” He kissed me on the lips and went to stand up before leaning back over and kissing me harder. I pulled against his neck to try and keep him there and he kissed me deeper still, but then pulled away.

“Don’t tempt me. And don’t pout!” He grinned. “Good things are coming doll”. And with that, he’d gone into the bathroom.

I flung myself back against the bed with frustrated desire, but now that Bucky had gone, I realised just how uncomfortable and grubby I felt, so sulkily I sat back up and got up. Feeling like a misbehaving teen, I was about to sneak along the corridor – although I knew I WAS allowed in someone else’s room – but then spotted one of Bucky’s sweatshirts on the back of a chair. I grabbed it up and held it to my face – he’d been wearing it yesterday and it still had the Bucky smell I loved. I smiled and took it with me as I went back to my room to shower.

Las time I’d dressed up, I’d ended up showering in my – well, Nat’s - clothes. At least this time I took my clothes off and my head felt a lot better. I showered, enjoying the sensation as the water stung against bite marks on my neck and shoulders; then dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, pulling Bucky’s sweatshirt over the top. It was of course too big for me, reaching mid-thighs and covering my hands, and I loved the feeling of being wrapped up in it.

I didn’t really know what was going on between us. He’d asked to kiss me, and I took that as a good sign that he’d wanted to, but was afraid that his odd behaviour this morning was a sign of regret, although it hadn’t felt like one. To be honest, I had no idea what it felt like.

I put some socks on, still enjoying the sensation of warmth and comfort that I got after all this time, and made my way to the kitchen. Most of the team were there, eating, drinking coffee, and just hanging out. I smiled from the doorway at this group, who’d become my friends against all the odds, before they spotted me. Tony saw me first and winked.

“Good night there, Mole?” he asked with a salacious grin, so I slapped the back of his head as I went to get some food, bringing a snigger from Natasha nearby.

In the kitchen, Bucky was making something that smelled amazing. He had his back to me, so I put my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against his back, and he turned in my arms to squeeze me.

“Oh that’s where my sweatshirt went, you damn thief!”

“It looks way cuter on me though” I posed as I spoke and he grinned, pulling me in tight again until a sizzle from the pan behind him made him let go.

“Breakfast is served, beautiful,” he dished something up on to the plates by the stove and handed me one. Bacon and toast were steaming on the dish and my stomach rumbled. I poured out some coffee for both of us and we went back into the dining area, sitting close enough that our legs were touching.

The team gradually made their way over until everyone was sitting around the table, eating and drinking and talking. I felt a wave of affection for them.

“Hey, everyone. Thank you. For my birthday. And for the presents. And the balloons! And, for, taking me in”. I was probably blushing again not helped when Tony rolled his eyes and pointed out that I’d already said thank you all last night. “I know, but you’re al here together, and I just… wanted to”

“Actually I want to say something now you’re all together too,” that was Bucky.

“I realised this morning that Ruby has missed out all those teenage milestones. I wanna, well, re-do them,” his eyes were sparkling and I hadn’t seen him look this happy before. “Stuff all kids get to do. So, what are your suggestions?”

There was a bit of a clamour at that. Steve declared it the cutest idea ever, like the big softie he was. Natasha said her favourite teenage memory was the first time she broke a man’s arm with her thighs. At that, I pointed out that nobody in the room had had a normal adolescence

“Tony – billionaire with absentee parents. Sorry Tony,” he nodded his agreement at the statement and gave me a smile. “Clint – raised in an orphanage. You and Steve – both teenagers 80 years ago. Natasha – teenage assassin… Need I go on?”

“I guess that makes me Mr Normal then!” Sam spoke up. “I’m your expert!”

“OK, 14 to 21. What’s she missed out?” I was torn between amusement and embarrassment at this, but it was all in good fun so listened in as Sam, and then the whole team, gradually started coming up with ideas. A minute later, Bucky stood up and started rooting through a cupboard before finding a piece of paper and a pen. I muttered ‘seriously?’ as he started writing a list.

*Cinema date. Making out in the back seat of a car. Your boyfriend climbing the drainpipe to sneak into your room…

“My room is on the 36th floor Bucky!” I protested.

“Ooh, prom!” Sam said, as everyone ignored my interjection.

The list continued. ‘First breakup, sweet 16, temper tantrums, graduation, first alcohol, first hangover, learning to drive…’

Eventually the list stopped, as the ideas started getting more ridiculous.

“Right, one more thing to add,” Bucky said, standing up and moving into the kitchen. “You get to have your teenage years all in one go, sugar. Trust me, it’ll be worth it when you’re all grown up.” He added something to the list then stuck it to the fridge with a magnet before giggling to himself and leaving the room.

I stood up to see what he’d done and then stopped, stock still in the middle of the room, as the rest of the Avengers also looked and then cracked up with laughter. I could feel my face burning up.

The list started innocently enough: ‘learn to drive, graduate, first date, prom…’ but then at the bottom, Bucky had written ‘have sex with good looking guy’ and drawn a damn winky face next to it. Whoever taught him about emojis had a lot to answer for.

I muttered ‘shut up the lot of you’ while also trying not to smile, and left the room to find Bucky. He was back in his room, looking something up on the computer and gave me a beaming smile when I knocked and entered.

“What do you think then?”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Yes. Well, yea, I thought It might be fun…” his face fell. “I was going to take you out on a date. I mean, if you don’t want to though…”

It hadn’t occurred to me he really meant this but when I thought about the list, and all the things it represented, I felt tears well up unexpectedly. He was right. I’d been taken as a 14-year-old, just starting my adolescent life, and dumped back in the world at 20. I couldn’t ever get those years back, but this was a way to at least have fun pretending, to get a flavour of normal life and to just be silly for a while. The fact that someone wanted to do this for me, something so ridiculous and so meaningful, hit me hard.

“I love it,” I pushed the computer off his lap and sat there myself, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling us close together. “I love that you’re giving me back what I missed out on.” He smiled again and kissed me and for a while, everything else was forgotten.

A little later, Bucky pulled himself away from me, making me whine with displeasure.

“Mm, I’d stay here all day if I could, sweetheart,” his voice was throaty with desire. “But I’ve got some dates to plan. Go work out with Steve, use up some energy. If you stay here, I’m not going to be able to resist you.” He winked and then picked me up and dumped me off his lap. He squeezed his eyes closed. “Get gone, temptress” and I laughed as I made my way out of the room.

So I did go and work out. I punched bags and ran on the treadmill and lifted weights and wore myself out for hours because it was still sometimes the only way I could stop myself thinking. Despite everything the Avengers had done, I still hadn’t come to terms yet with what I was, what I’d done. Sometimes physical exhaustion was the only way to get out of my head. I’d been there for about three hours when Steve came in. I asked if he wanted to spar but he said he wanted to talk. That felt ominous. I was still a little twitchy that at any point I’d be asked to leave because I didn’t fit in.

But it wasn’t that.

“You know, Bucky likes you, don’t you?” That was unexpected. I guess I looked puzzled. I mean, we’d kissed sure. A lot. And I would happily do it some more. But I figured that Bucky just wanted someone to kiss, and there weren’t that many opportunities to meet people when you were an ex-assassin with a metal arm.

“He’s just having fun Steve. It’s fine. You know I’m grateful to you all, for, well, everything. Putting up with me? Accepting me. Bucky’s my friend…”

“So what, are you saying you kissed him out of gratitude? Or a sense of obligation?” Steve looked angry now, I guess that wouldn’t fit his moral code.

“No, no! I…” Ugh. Blushing. Don’t look him in the eyes. Not that that was hard, he was so much taller than me. Looking straight on, I was eye to eye with his nipples. OK, no, that was weird too. “I… like Bucky. A lot. I mean, um. A lot.” Looking down now, eyes on the floor, don’t want to see Cap smirking at me. “He’s… saved me I guess. I feel safe with him. More than safe. I just, like being near him. A lot. But I know what I am, what Hydra made me, I know there’s not going to be anything out there for me, so I’m OK with whatever Bucky wants.”

I wasn’t being very articulate but I really didn’t want this conversation. I went to leave the gym but Steve held onto my arm, and there was no way I could break free of that helicopter-pulling grip without a lot more effort. I took a deep breath and met his gaze, expecting to see a look of amusement at my confession. I didn’t.

“You deserve more than you think. You’re more than what Hydra made you. Just like Bucky.” I blinked. I forgot sometimes that Bucky had been through years of Hydra ‘training’ too. He had his own issues. He’d been free for longer than me and had more time to deal with them, but I also knew that they weren’t buried all that deep.

“You’re as good for Buck as he is for you. And he cares about you. ‘A lot’.” He mimicked my tone and gave me a grin, I guess he’d seen through my verbal shorthand and knew what I meant by that ‘a lot’. He pulled me in towards him and wrapped his ridiculous arms around me then ruffled my hair as I pulled back, exclaiming that I was all sweaty. “Don’t push him away kid, because you don’t think you deserve it.” He let me go and I nodded and walked out of the gym, turning back to hear him call out.

“And you kids enjoy your date tonight!” He was grinning, and I had no idea what he meant.

I got back to my room, showered and changed, and then noticed a text on my phone.

‘Date, tonight? Stark Cinema, 8pm. I’ll pick you up. Bx’

I smiled as I texted back a yes.

At 8pm, there was a knock at my door and on opening it, I found Bucky grinning at me with glee. His eyes were sparkling, and he looked as damn gorgeous as always.

“Hey doll. Wanna go on a date?” Oh, he could charm the birds out of the trees. I loved it but I’d seen him charm everyone from Steve to Thor and so I didn’t take it too seriously. Nonetheless, I took the arm he offered me and felt a spark of electricity jolt through me.

“I know you don’t like crowds that much, so we’re not going out. That OK with you?” I nodded, grateful that we weren’t going to go and sit in a public cinema, but wondering how the usual Avengers movie night was really going to be a date. I guess this really was all just a joke.

When we got to the cinema room though, things were different. The screening room had couches and chairs all scattered here and there normally but someone – Bucky, I guessed – had lined them up in rows like a proper cinema. There was a sign in Bucky’s handwriting saying ‘reserved’ on the back couch. He sat me down on it with a wink.

“Gotta get the back row for a date, right?” The rest of the team started filing in and Bucky played up to his role, showing them to their seats, much to everyone’s amusement. Tony decided he wanted some popcorn at which Bucky pushed him back into his seat and brought out a carton, holding it out to Tony but then moving it out of his reach.

“Five bucks, Stark.”

“What?! You do know this is MY Tower and MY cinema room, Robocop?!”

“Five bucks. Don’t be a cheap date, you’re showing yourself up in front of Pepper.” Pepper grinned and joined in.

“Aren’t I worth it Tony?” Stark sighed and handed over the money, then yelled as Bucky handed out popcorn to everyone else for free. Once everyone was settled, he came and sat next to me on the sofa and set the movie going. It was a comedy – most of the team liked the lighter films, the tension of horrors and the violence of action films often just a little too close to home (although Thor always wanted ‘more blood!’).

Part way through the film, I realised that Bucky had been gradually moving closer to me on the couch. I saw him yawning and then realised he was going for the ‘yawn and stretch’ cliché and felt his arm wrap around my shoulders. I might not have got out much between the ages of 14 and 20, for reasons I don’t need to go into, but I’d seen enough rom-coms as a teenager to know this was a classic date move and it made me giggle. He squeezed my shoulder and whispered in my ear.

“Told you, going to do ALL the teenage high points. Cheesy ones and all.”

We finished watching the movie and then Bucky let Tony choose another as an apology. By now I was curled up against Bucky’s side and holding his hand. This might all be a farce but it felt good nonetheless.

At the end of the movie, everyone gradually made their way back to their rooms. Bucky and I walked back to my room, arms around each other, and I expected – and hoped – he’d come in. At the door, he stopped though, and turned me towards him. He tilted my chin up with one finger and slowly, gently kissed me. If his other arm hadn’t been holding me up, I’m pretty sure I’d have fallen over. I had it BAD. If just a kiss could make my knees weak, what hope was there? Hydra hadn’t given me the training for this.

I felt him smile against my lips, and he kissed me again then broke away. I opened my door and looked at him questioningly, inviting him in, but he shook his head.

“Not on that stage of the list yet, sweetheart.” He started to walk away, but turned and pulled me against him again, kissing me harder and making me gasp. “Not saying it’s easy to resist though...” and then he broke away again and left.

I shut the door behind me and then flung myself down on the bed. I had no life experience to explain this.

The next day, I woke up to another text message. ‘Would you accompany me to dinner on Friday, beautiful?’ I smiled to myself as I replied. The week passed slowly, because I was twitchy and wanting Friday evening to come. I did some training, I did some laundry, and I studied with Tony and Steve, but time dragged. Sam asked if I wanted to talk, as we hadn’t for a while, but I said no. I wanted to try and gauge people’s opinions of what was going on with Bucky but at the same time, I was too chicken. I felt like a kid playing at being an adult again, and I didn’t want to be laughed at, reading too much into what was just a fun game. Deep down, I knew I was still just a scarred ex-Hydra tool, and that wasn’t what the magazines told you was desirable. I knew too that my confidence and happiness were still just a pretty thin veneer over the anxiety and the fear, so I kept myself quiet and tried to enjoy things for what they were, not scratch the surface and release the things I was trying to bury.

By mid-afternoon on Friday though, I was a bit of a ball of nerves. Bucky had arranged that we would be eating out of the Tower, something that still scared me. I was fine with going outside but there was a little voice that wondered if Hydra were out there looking for me. I knew that Bucky and I could pretty much take down anything if needed, but I didn’t want to have to. Nat found me pacing on the roof garden with a scowl on my face and forced me to sit down with her.

“You know Bucky likes you, right?”

“Have you been talking to Steve?!” She looked at me, confused.

“What? Look, you need to stop worrying. Get yourself dolled up, enjoy dating an older man.” She winked at me as she said that and I smiled.

“We’re just friends Natasha,” I tried to convince her, then her words sunk in. “Wait, dolled up? Do I ned to dress up? Oh god you know I hate that!”

She smacked me lightly around the back of the head.

“Friends don’t kiss like that. And yes, you do. Come on.”

I let her take control, I’d long since realised it was just easier that way. She took me down to her room and sat me on the bed while she went through her closet, occasionally pulling something out and holding it out near me then scowling and hanging it back up. I knew better than to have any input, but I was glad when she finally handed over a dress that was a lot less… noticeable… than some of the ones she used on missions when she was undercover. White top, short sleeves, black skirt. I wasn’t comfortable with trying to look good – there was never going to be any competition with Nat or Wanda. Or Maria. Or Pepper… Or Tony or Steve, hell, any of them, let’s be honest. But at least I would look presentable.

So at 7pm, I was nervously waiting in my room again. I was berating myself for my nerves. This was Bucky. Bucky, who trained with me, and helped me with panic attacks and… had kissed me. Oh god, yes, nerves.

When I opened the door to his knock, he was smiling sweetly and looking as hot as hell in a suit. I tried to pretend I hadn’t whimpered at the sight. He handed me a bunch of flowers and kissed my cheek.

“Dinner, sweetheart?”

Bucky was the perfect ‘40s gent and I could see why the stories that Steve had told about him being such a hit with the ladies must be true. He held doors open for me, took my coat, pulled out my chair. I could see the waiter swooning over him and was feeling pretty swoony myself. He’d chosen a pretty quiet restaurant and we were seated near the back, which was a relief. I know we both hated to have our backs exposed.

“You watch my back, I’ll watch yours.” To an ex-Hydra weapon, that was a real romantic gesture and I couldn’t help but smile.

The meal was nice and the conversation was good. Bucky was easy to talk to and we steered away from the hard topics – family, murder – all the things they tell you not to discuss at mealtimes (or is that religion and politics?) We talked favourite seasons and ice-cream flavours, argued about football versus basketball, cats versus dogs. We shared least favourite foods and bad jokes and taught each other some swearwords in other languages. Bucky opened up about his life ‘before’, about growing up with Steve, about his family. It was a side of him I’d never seen before.

When the bill came, I made the mistake of trying to split it. Wasn’t that what adults did? (Like I’d now. The last time I’d gone out for a meal my parents had paid… ok don’t think about that).

“Baby, this is a date and I’m old school. I’m paying.” He pulled out a card then grinned. “OK, well, Stark is, but it’s my signature.”

He helped me on with my coat, and opened the door for me, then walked around so he was on the side nearest the road and offered me his arm.

“I’m pretty sure this isn’t how teenage dates normally go Bucky, teenagers aren’t this sweet or considerate!”

“They were in my day darling. Or I was anyway.” He kissed the side of my forehead as we walked. “And you deserve it.”

I was falling for him. Hard.

Making breakfast the next day (after another night alone, seen off with another fantastic kiss at my door), I noticed that someone – presumably Bucky – had been crossing things off the list on the fridge. I also noticed that someone – and I was pretty sure that was Tony’s handwriting – had added ‘so many to choose from’ to Bucky’s ‘have sex with a good looking guy’. I grinned. Like there was any choice.

I didn’t have to wait long for the next date. On Wednesday morning, Bucky appeared as I was finishing my breakfast and grabbed my hand.

“We gotta go before he realises!”

I tried to ask ‘what’ and ‘who’ but Bucky was pulling me along the corridors to the elevator. As Bucky pushed the button for the parking level, he held up something in his hand – one of Tony’s car keys – and his eyes flashed with wicked humour.

“Oh my god, you are in SO much trouble!”

That didn’t stop us of course. Bucky had picked one of Tony’s most expensive cars to teach me to drive in. He opened the passenger door for me and then got in the driver’s seat himself, and we set off, heading out into the countryside to the Avenger’s other compound. We were both laughing, especially when my phone and then Bucky’s both buzzed with text messages when Tony obviously realised we’d taken his precious car.

“Should I reply?” I giggled and Bucky nodded.

‘Thanks for letting me use the Ferrari to learn to drive Tony, you’re a sweetheart! Rx’

The reply, when it came, contained words that I’m sure would have made Steve faint.

When we got to the compound, Bucky leapt out before I could move and had opened my door again, then let me into the driver’s seat. I had no clue at all what I was doing and, I have to admit, driving a car that was – with Tony’s customisations – probably worth well over $500,000, was pretty nerve-wracking. But hell, it was fun.

The roads in the compound were smooth, there were no obstacles, no pedestrians and no other cars, so I hoped that I couldn’t do a huge amount of damage. I can’t say I did well, but it was my first lesson, and I only stalled a handful of times. And put the brakes on too hard once or twice… or three times. After about an hour, my muscles hurt from the tension of holding the wheel and Bucky was starting to look a little green with the motion sickness. I happily relinquished control and he drove us home to face the music.

When we got home, Tony harangued us like two naughty schoolchildren while we hung our heads, tried not to meet each other’s eyes and giggled. Eventually he sighed and gave up, before going to inspect his car to see if we’d hurt her.

Bucky kissed me again and went off to train with Steve and I headed back to my room, feeling lighter and happier than I had for a long time. Only a few minutes later, there was a knock at the door and I opened it to find Tony standing there.

He came in, arms crossed, and I started to feel a little guilty. How would I pay if we HAD damaged his car?! But then he held out something to me, and I saw it was a car key.

“It’s just as well you’ve got me under the thumb, Mole, but you take one of my cars again and so help me, even the Hulk will seem like a feather in comparison.” I looked up at him, starting to stumble through an apology, and then saw he was grinning. “While you were off joyriding, I got you your own car. And lessons. With someone who didn’t learn to drive in the 40s.” He pushed the car key into my hand as I tried to refuse it, stammering that he’d already given me so much, but he waved away my thanks and started to leave, then turned back to me.

“You know old Metal Arm likes you Mole, don’t you?” What the hell was this?!

“Did you get that line from Steve or Nat?!” Tony looked at me, puzzled.

“You’re a good kid. He’s a… difficult man. Got a lot of issues. Hell, we all do I guess. He could be good for you, and you could be good for him, but if he hurts you, you tell me, and I will suit up for you and take him out.” Then, with a wave, he left.

The next morning, ‘learn to drive’ was crossed off the list, and ‘wanna fight me, Tin Man’ was added below Tony’s comment in Bucky’s writing.

I was keeping myself busy between these dates, if that’s what they really were. Training, spending time with different members of the team, trying to live a normal life, catching up on news and sport and TV and trying to learn what I’d missed. I was also still studying with Bruce and Tony. Ashamed of my lack of education, I’d been working long and hard to improve myself. I’d been a top student back when I was at school and the serum had had some kind of effect on my abilities too, so I was a quick learner with an almost eidetic memory now. As a result, it was only a little while later that I was ready to take my GED. Bucky and Steve had gone off for a mission, which allowed me to study without distraction for a while (although Bruce sighed pointedly as the fourth text message in an hour came through from Bucky while we were revising chemistry).

A week after my driving lesson, I went off to a local school to sit some exams. Tony, being Tony, had paid out and fixed things so I’d get my results almost immediately so it was only a few days later that I opened my letter to find I’d passed, with excellent grades. OK, so I’d missed out on High School and god knows as an Avenger nobody was going to be asking to see my qualifications, but it was important to me, a step to becoming ‘normal’ that I hadn’t realised mattered.

When Bucky and Steve got back that evening, the champagne was cracked open and everyone celebrated. I felt silly, but once I’d had enough champagne, joined in the fun. I looked around the room part way through the evening and felt a rush of gratitude at the things these people were doing for me. Then I caught Bucky’s eye where he was talking to Clint, and felt an even bigger rush of … something. The same something I’d felt when he’d picked me up in his arm as soon as he got off the quinjet. He’d smelt of sweat and gunpowder and nights in the woods and it was enough to make me groan, that he’d come straight to see me before heading to the medlab or debrief, or a shower.

There weren’t really many missions at the moment, so it was good to have them back, but it did mean that the team were throwing themselves into the craziest things to fill the time (despite Steve insisting we could use the time for training or research or bettering ourselves. Clint had thrown a cushion at him and got Cap straight in the face for that). So that was why two days later I found myself in a graduation gown and cap, feeling incredibly ridiculous, while the team sat on folding chairs on the roof garden, and Bucky shook my hand and presented me with a diploma. Everyone clapped and I bowed with an embarrassed grin before throwing my hat in the air then swearing as a gust of wind caught it and blew it off the roof. A little later Tony got quite tearful and hugged me repeatedly, saying he felt like a proud father, until Pepper rolled her eyes and took him away.

When Bruce and I were sorting dinner that night (Ok, we answered the door to a pizza delivery and were sorting beer and pizza to take up to the roof), he stopped me for a second and with a nervous rumble, spoke.

“You know Barnes likes you, don’t you?”

I sighed. Four times now.

“You’re a bright kid. I saw that, teaching you. Think about what you want to do next? You could go to college. Or come work with me in the lab. But Barnes likes you and that’s a good thing. It’s not easy for people like us always to… get that.” I could see a faraway look in his eyes, although he wasn’t looking at me. I’d heard that there was something between him and Nat but things hadn’t worked out.

He met my eyes briefly, mumbled something, and then grabbed up the beer and left. I liked Bruce a lot, we’d worked together on my studies and I had helped him out in the lab running some tests. This was probably the first personal conversation we’d had though, and it touched me. Whatever reason Bucky had for this adolescent do-over, it was bringing me closer to a lot of the team, and for that I’d always be grateful.

I looked over at the fridge note. ‘Graduate’ was crossed off. ‘Bring it on, Buckyboy’ was written in Tony’s writing underneath Bucky’s ‘wanna fight me’. And next on the list was ‘prom’. Oh boy.

Well, what happens next after graduation but prom?! By the time this was next on Bucky’s fridge list, everyone was getting into the swing of things. We hadn’t had a mission in a while and when you get a lot enhanced or powerful soldiers, assassins, gods and the like, and don’t give them much to do… well, energy was high and pranks were getting ridiculous (think water balloons off the top of the tower, custard in Thor's boots…). This was a good distraction.

One evening everyone was sitting around talking and the group were sharing prom stories. Bucky admitted he’d ‘gotten a little fresh’ with Dot, who he’d taken to his senior prom. Bucky’s turn of phrase made Tony snigger, until Steve pointed out that in the 1930s, good girls didn’t put out. Of course, that didn’t make the sniggering any less, especially when Bucky pointed out with a leer that Dot had been really, REALLY good. Natasha then went and sat on Steve’s lap, all pouty lips and cleavage.

“Do you really think good girls shouldn’t, Stevie?” She used her best breathy voice and gave a little wriggle as Steve went bright red and gulped, shaking his head.

“No, I mean, things were different then. Whatever people want is fine right?”

“Oh good,” Natasha climbed off Steve’s lap, having made him as uncomfortable as possible, “I’d hate to tell Sharon you thought she was bad.” At that Steve groaned and buried his head in a pillow while Nat looked proud at the impact she’d had.

Tony’s prom story rambled on, and seemed to involve a lot of alcohol, a fast car, and at least two prom dates. Bruce’s admitted he’d taken his friend’s sister, who had then gone off with the quarterback while Bruce was trying to work out how to make the sound system louder with a bit of rewiring. Wanda looked bemused by the whole conversation, admitting that they didn’t have proms in Sokovia but she was looking forward to this one if it was anything like these stories.

The conversation came around to Steve, who’d now lifted his head out of the cushions and regained his composure. Clint asked if there was some heroic and honourable story about Steve saving his date’s life or rescuing her from a burning building, which was when Steve admitted he’d never gone to his prom because he couldn’t get a date. Seventy-odd years, a whole load more biceps, and the addition of Sharon, and you could still see the rejection in his face. I felt about ready to cry and was determined that Steve would get a do-over, just as I was. I wasn’t alone in that feeling.

“That’s it, we’re going Full Prom!” Tony declared. And that’s why, two weeks later, the room usually reserved for fancy dinners and swanky Stark Industries parties was now being overly decorated. Tony and Nat had wanted modern glamour and so there were beautiful arches and silver stars and globe lights; Bucky and Steve were reminiscing about the proms of the '30s and wanted something a little more understated, with a nice meal and a dance; Clint and Wanda decided to start research by watching a slew of films and declared we needed synchronised dancing like Footloose and an Under the Sea theme like Back to the Future. My only requirement was balloons. Balloon arches, balloon sculptures, a man who could make balloon animals, and one of those nets of balloons that falls down. OK, so I was getting kind of into it now too. Most of Stark Industries seemed to be invited and there were constant deliveries of alcohol, decorations, red carpets and god only knows what.

In the time before the prom, I kept busy. I trained non-stop, working out my frustrations on Steve and Nat. Nat was a great trainer and I always left her sessions aching but pleased with my progress. She taught me to use my abilities properly, not just throwing myself into the fray, but quickly assessing where and when to strike – Hydra’s training had been all about power, but this was much more subtle.

I worked out with Bucky a few times too. We were evenly matched and with Nat’s training, I was an even more able fighter. However, although we started off well, we never managed more than about an hour before one of us would manage to knock the other to the ground, pin them down and then… we wouldn’t train any more. Something about Bucky all sweating and panting, pinned to a mat, was a distraction.

A week before the big day, Tony decided to take me shopping. I still wasn’t entirely comfortable out and about, always having the fear of recapture by Hydra at the back of my mind so Tony paid for the shop to be closed while we were there. We spent half a day with Tony bringing me dress after dress to try on, while the shop staff helped out, or sat around and ate pizza that Tony had ordered in. I didn’t particularly like shopping but Tony was throwing his all into this, as he always did and I was getting caught up in his enthusiasm. Eventually a dress was chosen, along with shoes and everything that needed to go underneath it (luckily Tony decided to hand me over to the staff for that bit, declaring that he did not need those thoughts in his head, or Pepper would know).

When we got back to the Tower later on, I put my new purchases away in my room and took a moment to think about how my life had changed. It was still hard to connect my life now with the suburban life I’d once had, and even harder to realise that in such a short space of time I’d gone from Hydra assassin, desperate to die, to… whatever this was. Part of the weirdest family ever known. Friend to gods and billionaires. Accepted. I still found it hard to believe but whenever I felt myself sinking low, I wrapped that word in my heart and it gave me a new strength.

Over dinner that night, Pepper joked that Tony had never taken her shopping for so long, and asked if she should be jealous – all said with a grin.

“Mole is like the daughter I was lucky enough never to actually have” Tony replied, adding “Be thankful you haven’t had to raise her!”

“Gee thanks, ‘Dad’, should I storm out of the room at that?” I added, revelling in this ridiculous family. They’d never replace my own, true family and my heart would always break to think of them, but I wasn’t alone any more. Tony smirked and pointed out that ‘teenage temper tantrum’ was on Bucky’s list but Bruce had written that with my powers, it might be a bit much.

“Hey, if you’re the Dad, should I be asking your permission to take your daughter to prom then?” I know that Steve loved it when Bucky joined in with these jokes. He’d admitted to me that although Bucky had been part of the team before I joined, it was only recently that he’d relaxed and felt as comfortable too. I was proud, and slightly astonished, to think that I might have had anything to do with that.

“Well now young man,” Tony decided to play along, despite being around 50 years younger than Bucky, “what are your intentions towards my not-quite-daughter?” Bucky winked at me as he came over to where I was sitting.

“Entirely dishonourable, sir. Downright filthy.” The team broke down in gales of laughter as Bucky leant over and kissed me hard on the lips, and I blushed scarlet.

-- Two nights before prom, I was woken by a knocking sound. I was halfway to open the door when I realised the noise was coming from the window. I pulled the curtains back to find Bucky, hanging on to the side of the building.

“Jesus! Buck, this is the 36th floor!” I yelled as I scrambled to open the window. Not even a supersoldier could fall that far and survive, I was pretty sure. Once the window was open though, Bucky swung in slowly and I realised he was attached to a rope. He freed the clip around his chest and threw the end of the rope back out of the window, and suddenly Sam flew past, saluting and grinning as he went. He’d been holding the rope on Bucky while Bucky decided, in his own peculiar way, to climb the 36 floors to my bedroom window. Just because it was on the damn list.

So it was almost midnight and I was alone with Bucky in my room in the dark. You can imagine what happened next, right?

No.

He still didn’t stay. Oh, he didn’t leave straight away. It was almost midnight, and I was in my pyjamas, and he did have a lot of adrenaline pumping through him. He tried not to let his hands wander, but they did. I can tell you, there’s no better way to wake up than with one warm flesh hand, and one cool metal hand, sliding under your top.

The next day, I took Bucky out in the car Tony had bought me. I’d been secretly practicing with Sam every day – as the calmest of the team, he seemed the best choice for an instructor - and I was getting pretty good now. My enhanced reflexes and physical skills meant I was picking things up pretty well, and able to respond to other cars quickly. It was good driving with Sam as well because it was a chance to talk, but without the awkwardness of face-to-face. Sometime it was easier to open up when you couldn’t see the person you spoke to. I’d got very close to Sam, loving his childish side but also the fact that he matched that with an equal level of deep thoughtfulness, which I relied on heavily. I don’t think I’d have healed nearly as much as I had – or accepted the bits of me that would never heal, but learnt to live with them – without his incisiveness, his ability to show me another view point.

That said, when we went out for a practice that morning, and he opened with ‘Barnes likes you, you know that, right?’ I sighed.

“You’re the fifth person to say exactly that to me Sam, what’s going on?” He smiled, obviously amused by my resigned tone.

“People care. About both of you. We can see how good you both are for each. You’ve made Bucky more human. He smiles more with you than Steve’s seen since the '30s, he’s not so tortured any more. And the same goes for you, you’re more willing to accept who you are when he’s around. It’s adorable to watch, and when people you care about get happy, after a hell of a time, it feels good.” I had my eyes on the road but I could sense him smiling.

“Thing is, you’re both dumb. I bet you wouldn’t tell each other how you feel, so that’s up to us to do.”

“Wait, both of us?” That threw me, was Bucky getting the same chats as I was?

“Oh yeah. I mean, we all want to make sure you know how he feels, and same goes the other way. I’ve spent long hours trying to convince Bucky that you like him too. Neither of you feel deserving but you both gotta believe it.”

“So you told Bucky I like him?” I could feel myself getting flustered, even though I was pretty sure my feelings were obvious. I turned to look at Sam, wondering what reaction Bucky had given him.

“Woooah, eyes on the road!” I jerked my head back round as Sam continued. “Yeah, I did. And Steve did, repeatedly. Told him to behave around you, very honourable, very Cap. Oh and Nat punched Bucky in the head and told him if he hurt you, she’d go Red Room on his ass.” That made me smile. “To be honest, I’m sure Steve would say the same to you if he could bring himself to behave like that.”

“I don’t want to hurt Bucky, Sam, not ever.”

We continued driving after that, and I could feel a sense of warmth inside me, that people were looking out for me and rooting for me and Bucky. Sam asked how I was doing, generally, and I admitted that I was doing ok. I was even happy sometimes. I was having fun, living a normal life (or as normal as you can be living with the Avengers in a skyscraper).

So when I took Bucky out for a drive that afternoon, I was determined to show him that I was doing well too. I was pretty tense without Sam beside me, but I’d practiced the route I wanted to go and although I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my enhanced strength left finger marks, we made it there.

“Where are we?” Bucky asked as I parked in a clearing by a river. I could see he was making a quick threat assessment but I’d already scouted this place out and figured it was OK.

“Um, no idea really. But it’s secluded, so I decided to help you cross something off the list.” I felt a little awkward in case he rejected me, but his eyes widened as I climbed into the back seat of the car and gave him an encouraging nod. His jaw dropped when I slowly started to pull my t-shirt over my head, and by the time it was off, he’d scrambled into the back seat too, practically breaking the seat in his haste.

Bucky sat down and pulled me onto his lap, straddling his legs. My heart was racing just from being near him, and when he reached up and traced my lips with his soft warm fingers, I let out an involuntary whimper. Moments later, he did the same as he watched me suck one of his fingers into my mouth, and when I rocked my hips on his lap, his mouth fell open and his eyes closed, his metal arm pulling me closer. He pulled his finger out of my mouth and kissed me harder as I ground my hips into him, both of us moaning with the sensations.

By the time we drove back to the Tower, it was fully dark and we were both tousled and frustrated, Bucky insisting on trying to keep things PG-13 (but we’d definitely slipped into R rated at times.)

The day of the prom, there was an increasing stream of deliveries and I helped Pepper out, giving her a break from signing for flowers, food, glasses, a band, and all the other things that Tony had ordered as soon as it had crossed his mind. Finally, the deliveries seemed to stop, and we both set off to get ready.

I showered, put on the dress Tony had helped me choose, put on some makeup Wanda had explained to me, and took a deep breath to steady myself. I was about to go out of the door when there was a knock.

“You weren’t going without me were you, doll?” I couldn’t catch my breath at the sight of Bucky in a suit in front of me. His hair was looking curly and I could smell his cologne, and all I wanted to do was to pull him into the room and lock the door. He had a box in his metal hand and winked at me as he opened it and pulled out a corsage, then tied it around my wrist. Holding me at arm’s length, he whistled quietly to himself.

“Jeez. You’re beautiful Ruby. Beautiful.” He spun me around and then stopped when he saw that my dress was backless. I felt his hand slide slowly down my spine, stopping where my dress began, and resting on the curve of my back. Bucky’s voice cracked as he spoke, almost whispering to himself. “You’re so damn hot. Good enough to eat, I’ve got a mind to just stay in here with you and ignore the party tonight.”

I turned myself back around to face him and stood closer, our bodies touching. His hand on the small of my back pulled me against him and made it hard to think. I pressed a small kiss on his lips, then kept my mouth against his as I spoke.

“You know you’re a goofball right?” He grinned against my mouth, while his hand slipped lower and squeezed.

“Yeah, but it’s a fantastic feeling. You’ve made me happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

We stopped speaking and kissed, and I felt my knees go weak at the taste of him. I knew things were going to be different after this evening and so we were able to make the kiss gentler, none of the frantic clashing of lips that we’d been making do with for the last few weeks. This was slow, firm, and intoxicating. When we broke off, Bucky rested his forehead against mine as we both fought to regain control of our breath.

“We should get out there doll, just… give me a minute.” I slid my hand down the outside of his trousers, teasingly, as he groaned. “That’s not going to help!”

Stepping back, I gave Bucky space while I put my shoes on, then hand-in-hand, we headed for the elevator.

The whole floor of function rooms had been transformed, Tony having gone a little overboard. We had dinner in one room, fantastic food, at a table full of my friends. It was a little odd that everyone at the table kept making jokes about how ‘Bucky was going to get lucky’ that night, surely it wasn’t normal for all your friends to know about your sex life? By the time the meal was over, a combination of wine, nerves, excitement, and the feel of Bucky’s hand hot and heavy on my thigh, had meant I’d long since stopped caring. That and knowing that these people just wanted me to be happy.

After the meal, we had our photos taken, hamming it up for the photographer with cheesy poses that would either make us look back and laugh, or wince, when the pictures came through. The rooms were full with Stark employees, ex-SHIELD agents and staff, families and friends, all making their way through rooms filled with an odd mix of silver stars, balloons and crepe paper jellyfish. It was perfect.

Our group came together and broke apart throughout the evening, but Bucky was my constant. Our hands barely stopped touching all night, and when they did it was just so we could wrap our arms around each other instead. Dancing with Bucky was just as seductive as it had been the first time, an excuse to stand close together, to move in time, to ignore the rest of the world and focus on the physical sensations. Kissing Bucky while we danced, I was glad of the music to drown out the pants and gasps I wasn’t able to hold back. The anticipation of the rest of the night was almost unbearable.

Part way through the evening, the music came to a halt and Tony appeared on the stage, microphone in hand.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you ALL for coming to this most bizarre Prom! A more wonderful collection of misfits could not be found. And as the organiser – and funder – of this extravaganza, it’s my duty and pleasure to announce the Prom King and Queen!”

He flourished an envelope as Bucky whispered ‘you didn’t vote right? This is a Tony fix!’ in my ear. Tony pulled out a piece of paper and made a pretend gasp of amazement.

“Who would have guessed, how could it be?! Please make your way to the stage to be crowned… Captain America and Molegirl!”

The crowd was all laughing as Steve and I stepped up onto the stage, embarrassed but amused. Tony insisted on his rights as compere to kiss the Queen, then made Steve blush further by insisting on kissing him too. I’m sure I saw tongues and Steve looked completely befuddled when Tony let him up for air.

With crowns and sashes, Steve and I made our way to the dance floor for our first dance. I could see Bucky over Steve’s shoulder, tears of delight in his eyes as we shuffled together.

“Let’s do this properly Ruby,” Steve smiled at me. I could see that behind the embarrassment, he was secretly thrilled by everything, the big kid in him never really lost. Our crowns sliding about, Steve wrapped his arms around me and dipped and spun me, playing up to the moment. As everyone else started dancing again, he calmed down, hugging me to him.

“Thank you, for everything you’ve done for Buck.” He gave me a squeeze as he spoke. “I know he thinks I want the old Bucky back, the pre-Hydra, pre-Winter Soldier, pre-war one. I know he’s gone, but it’s still so good to see this Buck so happy. And it’s down to you.” He kissed the top of my head, then dipped me again. “And it’s just as good to see you happy too.”

He pulled me up and spun me again, straight into Bucky’s waiting arms, then with a regal bow, wandered off, no doubt to look for Sharon.

All this craziness, from cinema dates to prom, had taken three months. It’s amazing what a team of super-intelligent super-powered people can do when they’re bored. But in that three months, Bucky and I hadn’t done more than some major make out sessions. By now I was pretty much ready to hump a table and I was fairly sure that Bucky felt the same, but working through his list had been important to him and to be honest, I had loved just doing some fun, crazy, relaxing, stupid stuff. There’d been some real team bonding; we were a family now and that family mattered.

Nothing stopped the nightmares that still came at times, and I still needed to talk to Sam because there were days when my anxiety blew up; when I didn’t believe that I was needed or wanted, or that I deserved all this; and there were days when the guilt I felt about being happy, when I’d killed so many people, filled my head. But on those days, there was Sam to talk me down; Natasha who understood what that was like; Bruce who’d just tuck me under one arm and talk science to me until I was distracted. Tony would nod sympathetically and then depending on his mood, take me out to do barrel rolls in the quinjet or else hide under a blanket with me and watch reruns of old black and white movies. Wanda would let me look in her head, where you can’t lie, to see how much she cared. And through all that, Bucky would be there, for whatever I needed, whenever.

He’d ask Jarvis to let him know if I had a nightmare, and he’d appear in my room and hold me. When I was panicky, he’d ground me by sitting and singing to me, in a darkened room. When I stopped believing I was loved, he’d hold me and kiss me, and describe in detail how he loved my fingers, for being willing to touch his scars; how he loved my lips, for kissing him and making him feel whole; how he loved my eyes, because they never looked at him with horror, just as he never looked at me that way. He’d tell me how much the team needed me, how I provided the balance to Tony, the friend Natasha needed, the willing ear to Bruce when no one else understood, the prank partner to Sam and Clint. When I felt overcome with guilt, I knew he understood and we’d reassure each other silently. I hoped, and believed, that I did the same for Bucky. He was further along in his ‘recovery’ than me, but the memories of what he’d done as the Winter Soldier, and what had been done to him, were always there, and I supported him through those as much as he supported me.

Those three months had brought us closer together emotionally, but physically Bucky had been adamant that we wait. We’d kissed so much those months that I was a wonder our lips didn’t bleed. And now tonight, we both knew that there’d be a lot more than that. We were in each other’s arms, dancing – or at least, swaying together, while trying to keep as much of our bodies in contact as possible.

“You know I like you, right?” Bucky’s mouth was near my ear and I could feel his breath, warm, as he spoke.

“It’s been mentioned. And I picked up on some subtle clues.” I lifted my chin to look at him, even in heels I was still shorter than he was. “And you know I like you too, right?”

“Kinda guessed. D’you want to get out of here?”

I didn’t bother replying. I just pulled his hand and walked to the elevator. I could hear Bucky chuckling behind me.

Don’t get me wrong, I was nervous. I’d never done this before. But I knew how Bucky made me feel and if I didn’t get more of him soon, I’d burst, or melt, or something. And, most importantly, I trusted him. To take it slow if I was anxious, to make me feel good, to take the lead but to show me how. Damn, that elevator couldn’t come soon enough.

When we got to Bucky’s room, the nerves did kick in harder. All the old anxieties about not being deserving of someone I cared about, not being worthy of happiness, plus a whole host more anxieties about not knowing what I was doing, about my scars, about how much I wanted to make Bucky feel good. The anxiety must have shown on my face. Bucky pulled me into him, and tangled his hand in my hair, pulling my head back slightly. He pressed a chaste kiss on my lips, then spoke quietly.

“Forget the list. Forget everything. It’s just us two here and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” He kissed my forehead and I leant myself against him fully. I could feel the shape of his muscles, shifting inside his suit as he moved, his thighs adjusting to support my weight, his arm around my waist. Eyes shut, I let myself relax, then slowly showed him I was ready through the way I moved against him.

“I want you. James.” He let out a small growl at the sound of his name. I stepped away from him, biting my lip as he tugged once at my hair before letting go, then reached up to undo the button at my neck, the only fastening holding my dress on.

As the fabric of my dress slithered down my body, pooling on the floor at my feet, Bucky’s head fell back, his eyes still on mine, as he moaned hard and loud. I was trying hard not to hide myself; I knew that Bucky had seen me naked before, and I’d fought and trained nude with Hydra. But this was so different and I felt more exposed than before.

I stepped forward, out of the dress, and started to take off Bucky’s suit. The tie had come off at some point during the evening so with the jacket off, I could slowly start to undo his shirt. His breath was coming deep and hot as I slowly undid each button, running my fingernail down each new piece of exposed skin. When the last button was undone, I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and Bucky quickly pulled the sleeves over his wrists. I ran my fingernails back up and down his chest, noting how he bit his lips and closed his eyes. I leant forward and licked across one of his nipples, then gently teased it with my teeth as he moaned and pulled me in tighter. I felt his hand slip down from my back to grasp my buttocks, pulling me close and then, with his supersoldier strength, lifting me up. My legs wrapped around his waist and I could feel him, hard, against me through his trousers. His skin was hot against mine and the sensation was overwhelming.

Bucky carried me over to his bed and gently lay me down, then watching me for signs of anxiety, removed my underwear, leaving me naked and exposed. He stood back up and for a moment just looked at me. I felt my lip start to tremble with nerves under his gaze, until I looked at his face and realised what I was seeing. He was lost in the sight of me, his eyes dark, his tongue running over his lips. I whispered ‘hey, James?’ and his eyes snapped up to mine, a sheepish grin on his lips.

“You don’t know just how beautiful you are, sweetheart.”

I sat up and pulled myself forward to the end of the bed, near to him, and then keeping our eyes in contact, I reached forward and unbuttoned his trousers, slowly, then slid his trousers and boxers down, letting my hands run over the smooth skin on his thighs. Bucky shuddered and let his eyes fall close for a second, blinking them open in shock almost immediately at the feel of my lips on his stomach. He watched as I kissed my way down his stomach, then up his thighs, taunting him, and then with a groan kicked off his shoes and socks, shaking his trousers off and nearly falling over, until we were both naked, giggling, and wrapped in each other’s arms on the bed.

Bucky pulled himself over on top of me, pinning my arms down above my head and then running his fingers lightly down my side, smiling as I squirmed beneath him.

“Sweetheart. Baby. Darlin’” Each word was punctuated with a kiss, leaving me breathlessly following his mouth with mine. “I’m yours till the end of the line. So there’s no need to rush things. Whatever happens tonight, or doesn’t, it’s OK.” He kissed me again and I nodded.

“I meant what I said. I want you James”

At that, all restraint was gone. Bucky’s mouth was everywhere on me, kissing my lips, biting my neck, sucking its way down to my breasts, leaving me unable to think about anything except the way it felt. He slowed down as he moved further down my body and my hands gripped his hair with a sense of desperation as I tried to retain some control of myself. I could feel his metal fingers still circling and pinching my nipples as his warm mouth moved lower, biting my skin, sucking against my scars then blowing cool air across the warm dampness. The sensations were overwhelming and my hatred for my scars was transformed as Bucky lavished them with attention.

My small gasps turned to louder moans as Bucky pushed my legs apart and grazed his teeth up the inside of my thighs. My skin was on fire and I could feel my hips bucking as I wanted his lips on me. Months of pent-up emotions, of teasing kisses and cold showers, had left me desperate and I wanted it all, at once, but Bucky was taking things slowly, drawing out the pleasure and the pain.

He pushed my legs further apart, and as I felt his tongue on me, I called out his name, my head falling back. He moved back to kissing and biting my thigh, so near and yet so tantalisingly far from what I wanted, and I let out a desperate whimpering plea. The whimper turned into a gasp as he moved back to licking me, and I felt his fingers push inside me. He kept up the pace, licking and pushing, and I lost all track of time, my brain a fog of wine and pleasure. I could hear myself calling ‘oh James, oh fuck, oh god, Bucky’, over and over, faster and faster, my speed matching his. My hips were writhing on the bed and I was clutching handfuls of the sheet, now unable to form words and just letting out gasps of pleasure. I could feel a deep throbbing inside me, growing and growing as I rocked my hips up and down, then suddenly I was shaking, my legs spasming as I threw my head back and came.

The room was a blur as I opened my eyes, overloaded with pleasure. I whimpered as Bucky withdrew his fingers and then again, with pleasure, as I felt him kiss his way back up my body until he was lying on top of me, his full weight pinning me down. My body was still shivering with lust and I could feel Bucky’s hand shaking with desire as he ran his fingers up my throat. He’d been waiting just as long as I had for this and as I came down, I ran my fingers down his spine, and felt his muscles twitch with need. A low throaty growl worked its way out of his mouth as my hands reached his backside and pulled him against me tighter. My brain was working again and I was torn between desperately wanting all of Bucky and first-time nerves.

I could feel Bucky holding back, aware of what I was feeling, but I didn’t want him to pull away completely. I ran my hands back up to his head, tangled my fingers in his hair, and murmured ‘don’t stop’. He turned his head to kiss me and we clashed noses and teeth awkwardly, giggling helplessly, the fumbling and lack of success bringing us back together emotionally. I was more relaxed again and I wanted Bucky so much.

Bucky took hold of my head and turned my chin towards him, keeping our eyes in contact. Our bodies were rolling against each other and we were both breathing deep and ragged. I could tell Bucky was finding it hard to find words now.

“It’s OK to stop.” I knew if I said I needed to stop, Bucky wouldn’t hesitate and there’d be no recriminations. But that knowledge was more than enough to make me want him more. I bit down on his collar bone, making him yell, then licked my tongue across the mark.

“I still want you James. Please.”

He stretched out, reaching for something beside the bed and the movement brought his body further across mine. The extra weight, the feeling of being trapped, made me moan with pleasure, and I saw Bucky look back down towards me, smiling knowingly.

A rustle and some fumbling and I knew he’d put a condom on. My heart was racing with nerves and desire as Bucky moved both my arms above my head and held them down with his metal hand. He let his flesh hand slide down from my hands, all the way down my side, while I whimpered and wriggled beneath him, then he slid his hand back up to my throat and held it firmly. I was gasping with need now, and I could feel Bucky twitching against me. Our eyes locked on each other, I felt Bucky pushing inside me, agonisingly slowly. I could feel myself frown with the mixture of pain and delight, my eyes closing against my will then snapping open as I winced and gasped. He stopped instantly.

“You ok baby?”

I could feel him starting to withdraw, and wrapped my legs around him, digging my heels into him to hold him still.

“I’m OK, just need a second.” He held himself unmoving, watching me and waiting, as my breath relaxed and then I slowly started rolling my hips against him, opening myself up on him at my own pace, his mouth falling open and eyes glazing as he watched me from above. After a moment I nodded, and he started moving inside me, matching his gentle thrusts to mine. My breath was harder to catch as my nerves fired all over my body, my skin tingling matching the sharp pain inside, the pain never overwhelming the pleasure that was running through me.

I was moving faster now, and Bucky was matching my movements still. His head had dropped to his chest and he’d let my arms go, resting on his forearms beside my shoulders. I held onto his arms, using his body as a rock to push myself against, harder and faster now. Bucky’s eyes were closed and his forehead was glistening with sweat. He was making soft moans now, whimpering my name as he thrust. I lifted my head, needing to kiss him and his tongue was hot in my mouth but we were both too unco-ordinated to kiss for long now. Bucky’s breathing was getting ragged and his eyes were unfocussed but he tried to pull himself back as he saw me wincing again.

“What’s… you ok…?”

“Oh god… yes. Please”

With that word, he pushed against me harder and faster. My eyes screwed up tight as I saw stars and was overcome with the sheer physical exhilaration. I felt Bucky thrust inside me once, twice more, then with a harsh groan, he came, my legs wrapped around him still. We were both panting, sweat sticking our chests together, my hands gripping his arms. He collapsed onto me, planting sloppy exhausted kisses against my neck as I hummed with pleasure. He lifted his head to kiss me, smiling with ridiculous pleasure as he missed my mouth and caught my cheek, then rolling off me and out of me, falling onto his back beside me on the bed and pulling in deep breaths.

As his breath became steadier, he rolled onto his side, grabbing my hand and pulling it up to kiss each knuckle.

“Are you ok? Did I hurt you?”

I pulled our joined hands over to my mouth and tenderly bit his fingers, smirking against each one.

“I’m good. So good. Bit sore but good sore. So good.” I flopped back onto my back and he pulled himself nearer. “My muscles won’t move. I think I’m dead. I’m Ok with that”. I lifted one arm and let it flop to the mattress bonelessly. “See, dead.”

“You make a beautiful corpse,” Bucky grinned against my skin, then sighed. “One minute.”

He got up and headed for the bathroom, where I heard water running. He came back a moment later, condom gone and glass of water in hand. He took a mouthful and then held it for me to drink before falling back down next to me on his back. I rolled against him, and rested my head on his arm, tracing patterns on his chest with my fingers. I let myself relax into his arms, feeling beautifully drowsy and cared for. My eyes half-closed, I heard his voice.

“You know I said I liked you?” I looked up and met his eyes. “I love you, Ruby.”

I looked up and met his eyes. There would be days I wouldn’t believe him but he’d always be there to convince me.

“I love you too, Bucky.”

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autisticstarseed · 4 years

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if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️- What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

#lochley #long post/ //#hvh #human v humanity #secret saturdays #tss #sorry to spam the tag with a longk boi but hHBHHBH #TYYY #fanfic

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mugmyremarsh · 4 years

Text

getting (back) into trading

have YOU just joined (or rejoined) animal jam? do u wanna get into trading? do you just know absolutely NOTHING about rares? cool. im gonna try help you to the best of my abilities :'D also for this ill be typing pretty damn normally just so that its legible so yea!

first things first tho! what do you know about rares? im talkin like. do u know what a long collar is. do you know what its worth.

your answer is PROBABLY at least a BIT. which is sick! good for you (*not sarcasm) but if your answer is smth along the lines of. absolutely fucking nothing to a little bit then may i suggest: reading up on the aj worth wiki. i only rlly recommend this if you dont know a whole lot. bcus the sites listed worths are not really the most accurate but they can be a good way to get a vague idea of the shit show!! id reccomend starting with rims n then working your way up cbs -> dbs -> (short wrists) -> long wrists (etc)

alright alright! next. do you know what things are worth? how many dbs should you trade for a good wrist? what shorts are fair for a green long? (lol idk why but that soundz kinda funnie)

if u dont think you know the answer to those questions then id recommend !!!! going on2 instagram unfortunately. the animal jam community is at its peak there i think (the animal jam amino can be kinda useful too).

what you wanna do there is just see what kinda trades ppl r accepting n stuff. the aj community there posts trades a LOT n theyll ask people to comment smth like o/f/u. o/f/u is outdated for some reason n they use something else. o/f/u stands for over/fair/under btw. jus checked- now theyre using g/f/l standing for good/fair/loss. so yea! most trades on the tag are for ajpw so :] i guess!

another way to learn is just through practise. what are people willing to accept and what are they declining? this one can be a bit tricky because some people are very picky with what they accept but overall? still pretty solid

btw the learning process can take about a week or so!! but also im slow.. at things. so hopefully itll be quicker for u!

finding people to trade with.

this shit is HARD. most jammers just go into aldan or wootmoos den. specific places in aldan are coral canyons, temple of zios, bradys lab (big boys only). ofc these places r only sometimes full of people. places which for sure have ppl is about any jamma township. trading parties are also popular!!

if u wanna be a cool kid u can post ur offers ~online~ main place id go to are the aj worth wikis and comment on either the item you are offering or that youre offering for ;w; makes sense right. you can also post your offers on instagram (tagged with animaljam) or the animal jam amino. i unno theyre both p good options.

actually getting shit 2 trade. well if ur gonna trade u need shit 2 trade ykno?

if youre a member, like every other person will say, i recommend the forgotten desert!! just host it or find sm1 else hosting it. it doesnt usually take very long for it to fill up. another thing- finding a group of people who will do it over and over again w you so you dont have to find new people every time.

if youre doing tfd (the forgotten desert) you wanna avoid doing the purple crystals. they waste time and u still get shit prizes from them. there were like. myths that youd get a headdress if you did them.. not true. jus do not bother w them. have your map open when you play tfd so you can see where youve already been n stuff, playing with audio helps cos youll hear a sound effect when youre able to collect a shard (useful for yellow 1z). its possible but unlikely that youll get a spike but i mean hey! i got my first spike from tfd!!! it was a yellow long! also be sure to pick up ground chests. there was a rumour that opening those would worsen your prizes which again. isnt true lol.

if youre a nm then i think people tend to recommend replaying the first adventure over and over again. i dont rlly have a lot to say abt this. its pretty simple.

and ofc :) the third way 2 get rare. the most... well i unno how to describe it but its something. ENTER GIVEAWAYS. you can find giveaways on instagram and youtube. honestly takes nothing to enter them and you have a chance of getting good stuff!!!

AAAND if youre artistic!!! enter art contestz!!! these dayz people barely enter art contests meaning that you have a higher chance of winning!!! and also! think about setting up animal jam commissions. post your art on the animal jam amino to get traction, people are more likely to see your commissions there!!! finding art contests is best on instagram though.

alright!! thats about all i have to say.. might add more in the future. but another thing. if youre trading then TRADE. offer for others peoples stuff. dont just sit in aldan and say unwanted on trd. alright. thats super not efficient!! also dont resort to scamming people? thats an asshole move.

next time! i wanna write abt how ppl subconsciously treat nms and unrare looking people while trading!!! ill link that here if i ever write it lol.

#:'P #animal jam #jamblr #kittie.txt

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franeridart · 6 years

Note

Hi! Idk if you read fanfic, but would you happen to have any kiribaku fic recs? Or any bnha fic rec?

I’m pretty sure there’s stuff tagged as fic recs on this blog, yes! Nothing particularly new tho, I haven’t had the time to put down a new rec-list in a while ;-;

Anon said:How long does it take you to finish a drawing with and without color?

That honestly depends on a lot of factors - which tools I’m using, how many characters there are in the drawing/if it’s full body or not, how used to drawing the character I am, how big is the canvas, if I already have a clear idea of what I mean to draw or not, how precise I want to be with lines and stuff.

That Yuuto sketch I posted yesterday took me about 40 minutes I think, and over half of it was spent trying to figure out how I was supposed to draw him since it was the first time I drew him - the tools I used are the ones I use when I want to be fast and don’t care about being sloppy. A small random Kirishima bust properly lined and colored could take me five minutes to sketch and line and as many to color on a good day, cause I’ve drawn him so many times by now I don’t even have to think to draw him. Deku, on the other hand, can take me an hour even just to sketch, I can’t seem to grasp how I’m supposed to draw him at all.

Sorry, it really depends on a lot of things, I can’t give a proper answer to this :(

Anon said:Ive been tryin to find ur art of sero carrying baku for like 20 minutes n i cant find it :(

Are you talking about this one? Or this one? There’s also this one I guess...? And maybe this one lol

Anon said:yoooo, hey man, that cat kiribaku thing ya got going on is some 👌👌👌👌👌

HECK THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Has anyone ever considered Hadmie. Hadou x Camie before?? It just seems like it'd be a cute ship to sail with, tbh. That just might be me tho.

I dunno if anyone has before you, but I can’t say I have, sorry! If I gotta ship Nejire with someone after all it’s gonna be Yuyu haha

Anon said:Hey do you do commissions? I really love your art and I'd love to get a commission from you!! (and also I just wanna know if there's yet another thing that I have to save up for XD)

Not right now, sorry! Maybe after I’m done with the zine things!!

Anon said:*runs around like an excited puppy* DAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVE!!!!!!! :D

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Anon said:AHHH i love your ocs so much also Nico looks so cute and i love learning new things about them

AAAHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY G O D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:KIRI + PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL = THE BEST THING EVER

I’M GLAD WE AGREE ON THAT

Anon said:your oc's literally kill me!! i already love nico, and i think i speak for everyone when i say that we definitely want more of him and luca!! i don't know if it's just me, but I love when the angry, swearing types fall for someone.

SOB thank you so so much for the kind words about my kids ;^;

Anon said:OH MY GOD LUCA IS BACK!!!! YESSSSSSSS FUCKING KILL ME THIS IS A BLESSED DAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. MORE OF YOUR OC'S!!! (only when you want to share of course, I'm just trying to convey my enthusiasm here. not demanding at all ^^)

I think that might happen soon enough, actually!!!! Thank you so much for the interest in them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Are josh and chris still not dating?

Sadly until I’ll sit down to write their story that specific part of it won’t go anywhere :( Chris gotta deal with a bunch of things before he’ll be ready to put a name to what’s between him and Josh 3 one day I’ll let him work through it !!!

Anon said:I'm so paranoid I'm going to repost one of your post by accident but the thing is is I never even repost anything at all but just because I know you don't want them to be I'm so scared that by accident I'm going to have something screenshotted and forget it's yours and like Ugh😂

Well, my name’s written on all my drawing so I doubt you’ll forget it’s my stuff lol to make sure you’re not reposting anything the author doesn’t want reposted you can always just ask before reposting it, tho~

Anon said:I was just scrolling through your OC stuff and I just. Love them so much. Thank you for the babies ❤

GOD THANK YOU ;O;

Anon said:Okay I've never seen your oc's before and Dave is the cutest green boy I love him

AAAAHHHHHH I’M GLAD!!!!!

Anon said:kamijirou getting together? :3 also if there were ever a scenario where jirou would confess first, what do you think she would be thinking?

I actually have half a thing planned for that :0 gimme a while to get around to drawing it!

Anon said:How do you feel imagine kiri’s parents???

Actually since I’m still hoping one day Hori will give us the official versions I try not to think too much about it! I don’t wanna grow attached just to have to give them up once I’ll have the canon versions haha

Anon said:hey quick innocent question ive been following for a long time and saw a lot of your art do you have a thing for feet

Are you asking because I draw a lot of people barefoot? Feet are just easier and faster to draw than shoes, anon

Anon said:I love how you answer asks all at once. It’s nice to see that you’re getting in bulk appreciation

THANKS I honestly just don’t want my blog to be more asks than art, so I let them pile up before answering - it does mean I make people wait a lot for answers tho orz sorry

Anon said:I LOVE YOUR ART

THANK YOU!!!!

Anon said:You've open a sea of possibilities with red pineapple kirishima. You're a legend :prayeremoji:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t call myself that but I’m glad you appreciate him too hahaha

Anon said:i cant help but notice nothings been added to your sero tag in 4 months

That might be because I rarely use single characters tags! Try looking under #bakusquad and #seromina :D

Anon said:Hahaaa hi this is probably really really awkward but I just wanted you to let you know that you're super awesome!! And the fact that your art is something that I can look forward to is absolutely amazing (no pressure tho)!!! So yea, thank you for being cool and creating beautiful art~~ :D ✧✧✧

SOB it’s not awkward at all!!!! thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Would you mind adding some more Tokoyami art to your shop? More specifically the pieces where hes hanging out with Kiri, and the Tokoshoji piece :D Im desperate to bury my notebooks in stickers from your shop rn and the bird boy needs more love ❤

AHW I’m sorry anon, but those are definitely too small to be of any use on the shop ;-; if you’re okay with it I could add the last one I posted? I should seriously draw more of him..................

Anon said:That jacket that Kirishima has on...I NEED!

I drew it and that’s still a mood t b h

Anon said:I went so far back in your blog that it kicked me back to the beginning ;-; I was just getting to the D. Greyman stuff too

AW ;-; (..........it’s good tho, the further you go the least worth it my stuff is l m a o)

Anon said:Do you ever draw kiribaku or something else in paper or some kind of sketch book if you do i would love to see them❤(sorry if my english is bad)

I do have some doodles on paper posted on here somewhere? But tbh I rarely draw traditionally anymore unless it’s just random doodles :(

Anon said:Aahhh!!! I really love your kiribaku shit its so cute!!and you draw so goood too literally when i found this ship i instantly found you and you are so perfect in my eyes and your art!!!!! I looooooovvvvvvveeeeee yoooouuuuuu thank you for being here and showing us this stuff!!❤❤❤❤

HECK thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:i adore your art so much and your bakushima comics make me smile a lot! :) you’re one of my favorite artists now dldksjshskdk

tHANK YOU OH MY G OD ;^;

Anon said:Consider this: fantasy Kirishima meeting normal bakugou, thinking that's his Katsuki 😂😂

.........................you literally got no clue how long I’ve been thinkin about drawing this............ he ck

Anon said:Your drawings give me life 😍❤️

sob thank you so so so much ;-;

#fran answers #in other news ive drawn more seros carrying bakugous than i expected #HM #anonymous

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mundanesocialite · 6 years

Note

my url -still glares-

||Ginger Ale is my religion, Meetra, get used to it.

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why: ,,,,,,, Do I have to pick tho?? I love seeing your Kaiba, and your Kat, and Adam got me dead, okay? Although if I had to pick, I’d say Kat bc she is the b u f f w i f e.

My favorite interaction/thread of theirs: ok but fight me I know im supposed to pick w/ other people,, but we got our good going Trashship thread and I a d o r e them. Dragon spouses are my fav by far.

My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s): I like how you made Kat such a strong person, despite her issues w/ Xeras and other things, she’s still very confident and easily takes the lead in any situation. Plus, she isn’t what’s considered conventionally attractive, but not once has that stopped her from chasing after my Kaiba. A lot of others might have decided to go and give a muse like her more insecurity because of her scars, or make it that her muscles would get in the way of romance, but in no way did you do that and I honestly totally respect that. She should never be ashamed of who she is, and just the way she carries herself has my muse in love, okay? Not to mention, muscly women are honestly some of the best, and everyone needs to open their eyes, thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

My thoughts on their writing style as a whole: Despite the fact that English isn’t your first language, you are doing an incredibly good job in forming your own style. I know how hard you’ve been trying too, and I’m 100% impressed w/ that. Kat very much has a voice of her own, much different than the way you speak when talking OOC. Thats just totally impressive to me.

Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in: Okay but, I still wanna see Kat and Honda get to talking, plus add in Jou? Put me on death row bc that’s gonna kill me. Also, still super excited abt Honda & Kaiba you suggested, thank u for humoring my dumb ass.

Someone else I love seeing them interact with: a.. all of.. everyone. please. I love seeing you get the much deserved love and attention. And like I mentioned w/ a previous post, I do love seeing your thread w/ Puzzle. you guys done good. thanks.

Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying: please legit just kill me. i love your ideas. theyre honestly amazing. Plus, you’ve already signed up for my fav trope and im just gonna cry until i die.

If We Know Each Other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities: You’re incredibly creative. Like, to the point you’re telling me about DREAMS that help you come up w/ plot ideas? hell yes, bb. I mean, I can’t speak abt some of your AU ideas, bc you’re keeping those secret from the general public, but I still ADORE your AUs. Plus Adam and Kat make me wanna cry.

What I Think Are Their Strengths: You’re good with putting up w/ a lot of shit. I mean, just hearing how your last work treated you, I’m entirely surprised you didn’t leave sooner. You’ve held on for a really long time, and I’m proud of you. I hope you get to feeling better, and get back into the groove of things. Maybe you can finally get done w/ that blog update.

A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours: G i n g e r a l e

Why Others Should RP With Them: Meetra is a really sweet individual, yea sure, okay, but she will 10/10 smash your face in for mentioning ginger ale so I gotta respect that. but for real, she’s amazing at writing, and she’s improving so much. She’s gone so far as to ask me for help to compile a list of english slang terms Kat could possibly use. That is,,, going above and beyond what she needs to do.

How Others Should Approach Them: slap her an ask, message her, kill her. idk. She’s a generally kind and approachable person. She’s the longest interaction I have going now. Honestly, she’s been here since almost the start of my blog, and the start of hers. You gotta know by now that the babe is super chill & loves getting love, okay?

Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them: d,,,,,,, do we interact w/ different ppl, idk. I think we have the same circle, you might have more, but I just dont know.

Anything else I want to say about them: I LOVE HER. Also she’s a fucking giant who could crush me w/ a foot, how are you so fuckking tall friend?

If We Have/Plan To Interact Together

A plot I’d like to write with them: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well,,, Phtho & Adam still, Honda & Kat,,,, Kaiba & Honda, i mean, just murder me w/ ur babes thanks.A muse I want to introduce to them: You’ve,,, met them.. all of them. How did you do that? Since when? Or at least, you’ve met all the muses relevant to you. You might enjoy Sieggy or Valon, but idk how that’d go.A ship/broship I’d like to propose to them: Jou / Kat / Honda, def, 10/10. They’d be the best of bros. Thanks.A thread with them I’m excited about: ALL. although i’m terrified abt the xeras event oh noAnything else I want to say: straight up punt me into the sun, thanks.

#yellowdragonkat #answered #i actually drank 2 litres of ginger ale and i love it that much fight me

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bolbianddolanhouse · 4 years

Text

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

New? Read here! Then here!

Chapter 10: Hey Can I Have a Sip of Your Water?...

It’s Wednesday my dudes and I made my decision to go with Sir Nighteye’s agency. Like what kind of idiot won’t take up that offer?

-Wednesday night, dorms-

I video call my mom after a few days of not hearing from home. Hanaka and Tensei are bad at communicating with anybody, so all my texts get unanswered for days.

“Hola? Ma?” I say as the image of my parents sitting on the couch pulls up.

“Te oigo Iwata” she responds “Como estas mijo?”

“I’m fine, I just finished eating dinner”

“Are you sleeping well son?” asked dad with a chop “It’s internship season isn’t it? Hate to have you get sick before you could go.”

“I have been sleeping well, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you guys about” I took a deep breath “I made my decision and submitted it today.”

“Oh?! Who did you choose?” Mom asked with excitement.

“I choose the Sir Nighteye agency” I said with confidence but was short lived when my parents made this confused and concerned face “Whats with that face?!”

“It’s just that...I thought that man retired already” Mom broke the silence “Did you see the reason why they choose you?”

“It said ‘The order of Sir Nighteye’ and it called out to me that I shouldn’t ignore it”

“HE PERSONALLY REQUESTED FOR YOU?!” Mom screamed “Mijo that concerns me a little.”

“Why?” Dad and I asked in unison.

“Well, that’s a code blue in the field, a personal request to a particular agent” Mom got in her pondering pose “What got me a little fucked up is that, he doesn’t know you or of you! He knows me but I haven’t worked with him since the incident. That was like, what, nearly 18 years ago?”

“Wait, he doesn’t know you have children?!” I was trying to make sense of things.

“Nope, I have all my kids under the same type of protected citizen status as me” she explained “If anyone tries to pry information about me or your dad, it will show that I don’t exist nor if we have kids. That’s why I have to do all the legal paperwork in person at your schools, I have to confirm that you exist and not a random kid without papers.”

“I guess that makes sense” I sort of understood what that meant “But did I make a bad move?”

“Oh no! He’s to be trusted, among with everyone at that agency. I’m just confused on that personal invite” She changed her body language “Well, maybe I’m thinking into it too much! He might’ve predicted something where you do something to benefit them if you chose them. Either way, I’m proud of you mijo.”

“Sir Nigheye is a very well accomplished hero! I am very proud of you to get their attention” Dad added.

“Thanks...don’t tell uncle Tensei that I didn’t choose his over Sir Nighteye” I begged them.

“What did Manual put on your offer part?” sighed Dad stressfully.

I sighed with the same energy “For being my favorite nephew- Cool Uncle Tensei”

“That’s cringe what the fuck” Mom cringed “When he gave me an offer, he just put ‘quirk’ on the line.”

“He put ‘For my favorite little brother- Cool Big Bro’. Like he isn’t my only brother!”

“Manual doesn’t get paid enough for this shit” Mom sighed with us “When is that man retiring?”

“Whenever Tensei decides to retire” Dad replied with a chuckle “I asked him that too when I took on the role of head hero of the agency.”

“Wait, dad you don’t own the agency?”

“Hm? I don’t, it’s Tensei’s agency and he calls the shots” Dad chopped “I’m just the public face of the agency, your uncle is the boss.”

That was all news to me, hot tea if you will.

“Yea, it’s not much of a secret though. Tensei gets more coverage than you do still” She said to Dad “But that’s because he’s hot and single.”

“Am I not hot?!”

“You are to me~” Mom laid on the charm “But nobody is swooning over you because you look like stern business man in all of your photoshoots” She gave him a peck and wrapped her arms around him “They don’t need to know how hot you really are, because you’re all mine~”

“Okay, hi, I’m still here” I interrupted the moment, triggered by all those things I saw with the device “I just wanted to see what’s happening at home and tell you that.”

“Not much is happening at home, it’s gotten very quiet now that it’s just Hanaka and Tensei here” Mom pouted “I miss you so much, wish I could hug you right now.”

“I miss being home too, cooking for myself for the day sucks.”

“Oh why don’t you meal prep?” suggested Dad “That what I did when I lived with Tensei, we meal prepped our lunches so we didn’t spend money on fast food. And I know you’re picky and don’t like long food lines.”

“That’s- something I didn’t consider” That expanded my brain “Damn that’s genius, that’s a whole 45 minutes of sleep added everyday, just for prepping ahead of time.”

“Sometimes I have good ideas” Dad adjusted his glasses with a smirk.

“Bold statement coming from someone that put cooked oatmeal in cookies their first time cooking” Mom roasted.

“EW THAT’LL MAKE THE COOKIES ALL MUSHY” I yelled and gagged “Why?!”

“I didn’t know if it was supposed to be cooked or not!” Dad defended himself “It was my first time baking anything and I did it for your mom’s birthday when I lived with her.”

“I’m just glad you figured it out by the time you had kids!”

“Same” Mom agreed.

“Everyone is a critic in this house” Dad grumbled.

We talk for a while longer before saying our goodbyes. As I started to get comfy in bed, I snapped my eyes wide open realizing something....mom mentioned the incident that happened almost 18 years ago. But I recently turned 17.....OH SHIT THAT’S A DIFFERENT INCIDENT! My incident (at least the one that I know of) happened when I was 5, when the old house got broken into with us inside. And that was 12 years ago, so this might be important! I scrambled to write this down in the timeline, who knows what else I might of missed in that conversation or in others! Now I’m a little nervous for this internship, what happened right before I was born?

-The next day, Homeroom-

“Okay I know I’ve been pushing this back every other day BUT I swear this is the last time” sensei said after roll “So if you please take out the syllabus and take out a pencil.”

The class groaned because we all know what he’s gonna ask us to do. Like he said, he’s been pushing back the semester project. I guess now it’s gonna the year end project because that’s the next available space to add anything before the school year ends! Things are just popping up all the time, villain threats and attacks, there was a false alarm kidnapping and everyone was on lockdown, and an order to have us be ready for a school attack. At this point, my nerves have been fried past my limit that I basically run on adrenaline at the drop of the hat. To be honest, I still don’t know if I’m ready to do the real deal when it comes. But it’s end of September and I feel the nippy of that cold weather I’ve been craving. Nippy out, sweaters out!

“...so you have a week to finalize your projects when you come back from your internships. After that is finals week, so be prepared for that.”

I raise my hand “Sensei, one of the test days conflicts with my hero final.”

“Oh? Hm... then I’ll talk it out with your sensei” He writes that down on his notes “Thank you for bringing that up now.”

We go through our usual training and it was kicking my ass today. Well, more like I was kicking my own ass today as I’m trying to train as much as possible to show that agency that I was the best choice. Though I did and passed my agent licensing, I still feel like I’m not at my fullest potential. Problem is that I don’t know what else to do to further my abilities aside from getting support items but even they don’t know what to give me. I wish somebody could give me a helpful hint like in video games.

Aside from my own short comings...the school dance is coming up and I’m not going. Dances aren’t my thing and it’s not like I have a girlfriend that’s begging me to go with them. Otherwise, I’d go. Beizu and I have a whole boys night planned since two others don’t want to go either. Just guys being dudes.

-Night of the Dance, dorms-

“I made queso dip!” I announced as I floated in the shared space with the giant, ugly mug full of hot cheese.

“That mug is seriously the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen!” chortled Kopi “Can’t believe your mom left this thing for prosperity.”

“Can’t believe that thing is older than any of us!” added the other classmate “But who has the chips?! I wanna dig in!”

“Our delivery is going come any minute now” Beizu checked the time “Don’t start sipping out of that thing.”

“Ew why would we-”

“I was talking to Iwa” Beizu clarified “Can’t leave him alone without him turning full goblin mode.” He squinted at Iwa “This bitch would sleep in a nest of pillows and plushies if his parents didn’t love him enough!”

The boys looked at me with a range of emotions of disgust “What? I know better now! Besides, I’d sip out of this when everyone had enough.”

“You two known each other since kinder or something?” asked Kopi “I don’t think I ever see you two apart outside of class time.”

“We go way farther than that!” I chuckled “I’ve known Bei my entire life! Our mom’s raised us together and I don’t know a life without him. We went to the same schools and everything! We know we’re separate people with different tastes, but we just feel better going through things together.”

“So you two dating or?” asked the other classmate.

I choked on air “Oh god no! What makes you say that?”

“The shared room, the lunches together, the random snuggling in the shared space” Kopi listed “The pet names, the matching outfits...are you sure you’re not?”

“Nope, we’re just two boys that like to snuggle” Beizu clarified “Try it sometime! It’s a good bonding experience.”

“Yup! Snuggling or having as much as a hug everyday combats depression” I slid in with the scientific facts “So don’t be so uptight and judgmental, it’s not gay if you do it for your mental health.”

“You know what, you right” Kopi came to terms with it “And I have been down lately, haven’t hugged my mom since we moved in.”

“I’m gonna hug the depression outta you bro!” exclaimed the other classmate as he came in for a firm hug “I got you!”

“Wow, thanks bro” Kopi said with his eyes watering and hugging back “Fuck masculine culture, we cuddling and shit.”

There was a knock at the door “Oh that’s our delivery!” Beizu gets up “I’ll get it.”

“I got the goods for boys night!” Uncle Jin exclaimed as Beizu opened the door “Hello everyone, nephews. I got your requested drinks, chips and fried chicken meal from that one place I can’t pronounce” He handed over the bags “I also added a few extras goods for a really good boys night.” He gave us a look after he said that “Well, I’m off! I’ll be seeing my nephews later, stay out of legal trouble boys!”

“Wait he’s both of your uncles? How-”

“My mom and his biological aunt were best friends with him since their UA days” I explained “He’s an orphan, so he considers my mom and his aunt family. So when my mom had kids, he took on the role of uncle and we were just raised to call him that.”

“Yup, his siblings also call my aunt their aunt too” Beizu brought over the food “Just to make things easier, they’re our aunty and uncle.”

“That’s so cool that your families are just so close like that!” Kopi said, wide eyed “Do you feel like cousins? Since you were raised together?”

“Hm, it’s more like brothers” I thought about it “It’s hard to explain, all I know is that I’m very close and comfortable around Bei and his mom like we were always family.”

“Okay I’ll say it!” blurted out our other classmate “Your uncle looks like a K-pop star, is he a retired K-pop boy?”

“No....he’s just Korean” I didn’t know how else to explain that “I will say that he gets stopped on the street a lot for that same reason. So many girls claim he looks like Hobi from BTS. But alas, it’s just our uncle Jin.”

“What did he pack as an extra?” Kopi asked as Beizu brought over the bag.

“Lets see....OH SHIT!” I said as I took out a box from the bag “TWINKIES!”

“NO WAY! WHAT ELSE?!” Beizu was getting feral as he took the bag to see what else is in there “LUCKY CHARMS!!!!!!”

We were hollering and circling each other like howler monkeys, full feral mode with the boxes of junk food in each hand.

“What’s that?” asked Kopi cautiously.

We hard stopped our hollering and turned toward the two confused boys.

“Fellas, I’m about to introduce to you the reason America is number one in obesity” I said, ripping open the box “This is a Twinkie, these are so good and hard to get imported into the country, that my mom has a supply of these under lock and key somewhere in the house so we don’t eat through them in one sitting.”

“And these are Lucky Charms cereal, the actual cereal part is basically cat kibble” Beizu tossed them a mini box to each of them “But the marshmallow bits are what make the cereal so iconic. Also a rare import and I basically only have these when I’m over at his house on special occasions.”

Kopi had the first bite of Twinkie “Oh..my..god...What the fuck” he gasped and covered his mouth “I said a bad word! I get it now, if Japan freely imported this, we’re doomed as a country” He took another bite “This is dangerous.”

“Oh wow my teeth hurt already from all the sugar in this” said the other classmate, munching on Luck Charms “But it’s so good, this is a children’s cereal?! I get the hype.”

And thus boys night was just a sugar fueled, anti-prom... We watched Shrek movies and had a handstand contest, followed by never-have-I-ever and destroying masculinity by introducing Kopi to some skincare. That boy admitted to washing his face with shampoo OF COURSE I GOT OFFENDED! And we all had a sugar crash on the couch by the time everyone came back from the after party. One of the most memorable boys night if I say so!

More fast forwarding to the interesting part! The internships! Beizu is going to Hokkaido and I’m going to the capital. But first, we had to do some shopping for Beizu for some cold weather gear.

“Did that parka fit Bei?” I asked as I held an armful of thermals outside the fitting room “Also what size are you in pants? There’s a sale on thermals and I grabbed a few before these old women swarmed the rack.”

“It fit fine! You’re making such a fuss over this” chuckled Beizu “Why? I just need a parka and socks.”

“You’re gonna need thermals too! Hokkaido is predicted to have record cold while you’re there” I held the thermals up to his body to see which ones would fit “Remember what Uncle Jin and Mr Hitoshi told us about their times in Hokkaido?! So excuse me for wanting my best friend to stay warm.”

He just looked at me shuffling my armful of thermals “You’re so cute when you fuss over me, like a mom.”

“Shut up and try these on” I tossed him the items playfully “I’ll be looking at gloves if you need me.”

“Okay, mom” He chortled before going back into the fitting room.

We don’t really go clothes shopping together, we have two different aesthetics. He dresses very average, not that much colorful or statement. I on the other hand dress like a ‘Gucci Goblin’ as Tensei put it. I love a statement piece, bold colors and patterns that clash just right! Bonus points if its designer! You can catch me on my goblin shit in some knee-high socks, shorts and oversized sweater. So with my shopping mentality and Beizu’s lax approach to shopping, I’m often the one doing all thorough fittings and getting things ‘just in case’. One of us had to be that friend, or we’d be the ugliest dudes around!

“Okay I’m back” said Beizu as he walked over to where I was “These ones fit, was that all that needed to be fitted?”

“Yes, I got the gloves” I held them up for him to grab “Now we can go to checkout.”

“Great because I’m hungry! We should hit up the food court” Beizu suggested “What’s the craving for today?”

I thought about it “Lowkey want to inhale like 6 cinnamon rolls with an iced coffee, But if I’m keeping it real, we’re just gonna end up at Panda Express.”

“Don’t orange chicken shame me!”

“We’ve had authentic Chinese food Bei!” I retorted “And yet you still want the borderline neon orange shit!”

“Sometimes the neon orange shit appeals to me more than thousand year old egg in congee” huffed Beizu as we approached the line to pay “But that’s why I asked what’s the craving for today.”

“Fine, how about we get some udon?” I compromised with my arms crossed “Because I wanna get in that cold weather coziness.”

Some of our favorite winter time rituals we have is eat udon and binge watch Steven Universe. But of course, I’m picky, so my favorite udon is kitsune with extra fish cake and the fried tofu extra fried. Otherwise I won’t eat it, I hate soggy food!

“Excited for your internship?!” Beizu asked me as I was carefully eating my first bite of the hot udon “It’s going to be the first time we’ve been apart for so long.”

“It’s only two weeks” I chuckle “But I am excited, what sort of things will I learn from their agency?! Yea I’m going to see that broccoli man in that time span, but they have some of the best agents there! Plus they have the most secure agency in the country! And the company had a part in that.”

“I didn’t know that! That’s so cool!” gawked Beizu “It’s like visiting a piece of history...say, why don’t you take the device?”

I stopped my next bite of food “Wait, why? I thought you wanted to work on it some more.”

“Just giving it the final outer shell to house all the extras I’ve added to look more uniform” He picked up a noodle “To be honest, I can do that when we come back. But it’s functional and with full charge that’ll last the 2 weeks, so why not?”

I watched as he slurped down his noodle “I suppose I can see some of the past with it, don’t know how much will help us in our little investigation.”

“If you ask what year they got their security system, it can tell us whether or not your mom installed it or not.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Beizu slurps his noodles loudly “My mom told me that for security systems, depending on which on it is, in the early years of the company was installed by your mom or my dad.”

“Wait, that’s tea.”

“No it’s strawberry Calpico” he held up his drink.

“NO! I mean, what you said was a juicy piece of information!”

“Oh! Yea I guess it is” He set the pink drink down “Mom was getting a little chatty with me over video call a few nights ago, it started off with her uncovering a few old things from the attic and ended up with her telling me a little more about my dad.”

“What did you learn?”

“That he loved working at the company because it let him be himself while being needed. He was the first one your mom hired to work for her!” He picked up some broth “In the early years, he’d do the marketing and the assembling along with finding more displaced heroes and agents that needed work. The company wouldn’t be where it is now without him putting in that initial effort.”

“That’s amazing! I think I’ll find something to contribute to that” I was moved by that “Hopefully I won’t get too swamped with agent stuff.”

We hurried to our dorms after our meal to finish packing. Almost too excited to sleep that night for the information we might uncover! So many things that could happen, wonder if I’ll be prepared enough to follow along.

-Morning of departure day, train station-

“Got your scarf?” I fussed over Beizu one last time before departing “Don’t want you to catch a cold or sore throat before getting there!”

“I have it right here! Relax Iwa!” Beizu put his hands on my shoulders “We’ll be fine, you have the device, I have all my gear... I’m just going to miss you.”

“We’ll video-call, it won’t be too bad” I got startled by the station announcements “I can never understand what the fuck these people say over the speakers! But you better go to the waiting dock, it’s almost 11am.”

“I know, let me just” He brought me in for a tight hug “One last hug until we reunite!”

I hugged him back “Okay, one more hug.”

After maybe a minute, he broke the hug and grabbed his luggage “I love you Iwa.”

I smile “I love you too Bei.” I watch him walk out of sight and I heading toward the pick up area. The capital isn’t too far from the station, it’s maybe an hour car ride, so it was arranged for me to get picked up.

A very official looking town car rolls up to the curb.

“Iwata Iida?” asked a voice from the cracked window of the town car.

“Yes, that’s me!” I stand at alert.

“No need for formalities!” said the voice as the window rolled all the way down “hop on in Iwata! It’s nice to see-”

“EWWWW WHAT’S BROCCOLI MAN DOIN’ HERE?!” I said with disgust “Naw I rather walk to the capital!”

“Please don’t! Your dad requested that I escort you to the agency” the green haired man got out of the car to stop me “He’s going to arm chop me to death if I don’t insure your safe arrival.”

“That’s not my problem!” I huffed as I walk away.

“We got you McDonalds” said another voice from the backseat window “and a large coffee.”

I stopped and did a 180 “YES SIR!” I jumped in the back of the town car as broccoli man put my luggage in the trunk. I looked at the man in the backseat, he had a centipede head.

“Hello son of Ingenium and Agent 19, let me introduce myself” politely bowed the man “I am Centipeter, Sir Nighteye’s right hand man, I handle the internships for both hero and agent departments.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Iwata El Roca” I return the bow “You can call me however you’d like, er, I guess it’s professional to address me by my agent number? In that case I’m agent 88.”

He hands me the food and large coffee “It’s an honor to have the son of two very good associates of ours! I didn’t know Agent 19 was a mother!” commented Centipeter “I thought she just put in all her energy in the company! I went to her wedding after all, so I know your father as well. Good on them for having their only son to carry-”

“Huh? I have 3 other siblings” I raised an eyebrow, mouthful of egg McMuffin “I do this agent shit for me! Fuck whatever my old man said and my mom is an excellent mother, CEO and activist.”

“Don’t argue or lecture him” tiredly sighed Deku as he drove out into the street “He’s as vulgar as his mother, and we all know how that ends.”

“Broccoli man is right” I sipped my coffee “Don’t try it, I will roast ya ass.”

“Well, I guess I misspoke” Centipeter cleared his throat “anyways, it’s a pleasure that you took on Sir’s request! Rarely does he have a look at agent interns.”

“Wait what do you mean?”

“Sir is a very busy man and is more focused on his top heroes” The right hand man explained “But he asked for you before somebody went to the display! He didn’t explain why BUT I have a feeling he peeked into the future and his ability to do so is to be trusted.”

That didn’t settle that well with me “Huh, then I guess.”

“He even predicted that you wouldn’t get in the car unless we had 2 egg McMuffins, 2 hashbrowns and a sausage burrito with a large coffee” he looked at a sticky note “with two sugars, no creamer. And to make sure Deku doesn’t show his face...oh dear I messed that one up” he chuckled nervously “But you’re here, and I can’t wait to see what Sir has in store for you!”

I peeked into the bag, and I’ll be damned that it was exactly my breakfast McDonalds order! Thats creepy that this stranger knows what I like and dislike but mom claims that he doesn’t know I exist?! Something is up and I’ll get to the bottom of it...after I chug this coffee to strike dominance in this town car.

I get led into this bougie ass building that had like 5 layers of security for anyone to enter. Next was the part I was dreading, the sleeping quarters. Mom said she had own room and so did Lili, but they’re the only exception because I’m a boy. So I have to mix with the other men that I HOPE they don’t harass me! It seemed like I was alone to settle in the neatly arranged room of bunk beds and wall lockers...until I was grabbed by the shoulder and yanked back.

“BOSS WHAT ARE- you’re not the boss lady?!” said this man with dark skin and green eyes “But you look so much like her, whats your name boy?”

I was still a little shaken up “I’m Iwata Iida, I MEAN Agent 88!” I stumbled on my words “I’m just settling in! I don’t know who you’re referring too and I’m sorry if I was disturbing you.”

“Don’t be scared boy, I should be apologizing to you” he let go of me and bowed “It’s just that you look so much like somebody I worked for. The curly hair and short stature from behind got me excited that she came back to do some agent work for us.”

“Oh? Do you often get borrowed agents?”

“Nope, it’s usually just her- OH WHERE ARE MY MANNERS! I’m Agent 711, Captain of the agent fleet here” He introduced himself “I originally came in here to see if the intern was here yet but it seems like I got on the wrong foot with you.”

“It’s no problem! I just finished settling in and ready for the next part.”

“Good! Lets take you to the captains office.”

I go into this office with a frosted glass door, where another man was sitting on the desk, he looks up with his sharp gaze “No way, theres no way!”

I tensed up “Umm sorry?”

The captain shut the door “Dude I KNOW! HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HER!”

“No, take a look at this!” the man on the desk “Sir just dropped these off to me, look at the tag and the info page.”

The captain got the file from his associate, his eyes widened the more they read through the page “Dude...he’s her son?!”

“Right?! I didn’t know she had other kids!” the associate turned to me “Let me introduce myself, I’m agent 404, Co-captain of this agent fleet.”

“Nice to meet you! I’m sure you already know who I am” I bowed politely “I promise to keep up and be worth the trouble.”

“Wow, sorry I just can’t get over that you’re 19′s son! I suspected she did have more but she never brings you or family up” responded the man “I feel so old, seems like it was just last month I was still working for her.”

“Oh yea, you worked for her too! I always forget” chuckled the captain “404 and I worked for your mom before working here, we owe your mom for helping us in the beginning of our careers.”

“Really? It seems like mom helped everyone I’ve encountered back in the day!” I was started to get a little annoyed by all these occurrences.

“Yup, your mom got me out of a legal funk!” pipped up the captain “I got framed for sexual assault at the agency I started working at right out of high school. Your mom suspected racial bias and she turned up that my accusation was a scapegoat to a slew of other legal problems with that agency. Of course nobody would hire me with that mess attached to my name, so she offered me a job at the company until that mess clears up or some other agency wanted to take me in” the man smiled and leaned on the desk “I was so happy that she took me in, otherwise I’d be homeless or dead within a month! She helped me get the job here too, Sir trusts her word and he hired me after about 4 years working for your mom.”

“Your mom helped me when my day job let me go and I was between agent work. And I was there up until the company moved locations, then I started here” the co-captain smiled “She’s such a lovely woman, if she didn’t have that fussy assistant, I’d be her afternoon appointment if you know what I mean!”

“Eww you wanted to fuck my mom” I blurted.

The men turned red.

“Oh you’re exactly like her” laughed the captain “Honest and vulgar! I like that!”

“Yup, but lets get on with why you’re here” the co-captain got back on topic “Initially you were supposed to meet with Sir, but no surprise, he had to attend to his top heroes for some reason. So he asked for us to do the tour and other routine things.”

I get to meet the other agents and got to see the other parts of the agency. The routine was a not as exciting as I thought but the whole thing that I was supposed to meet with Sir Nighteye was at the back of my mind the whole time. What does he want from me? What makes me so special?

-Chapter 10, End-

#bnha #mha #self insert au #book 3 chapter 10 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #Iwata is a picky eater and it's all his mom's fault lmao #but finally! internship arc! If you didn't guess with the title- it's a three parter #I know theres alot of fast forwarding but deadass there's nothing interesting that happens in between.#I see yall flooding my asks to give Iwa a GF and all I have to say its STOP!...I'm getting there #The boys night part was my favorite scene and I just couldn't cut it from the plot! So you're welcome for some feral boy activities #But more has been uncovered and this internship is gonna fuck Iwa up! Stay tuned! Sir Nighteye exposes the underlying plot

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obliviousoso · 7 years

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@silent-of-spirit I bet you thought I wouldn’t do it but I didCX Under the cut for sheer length

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

My date-mate Michael

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Shy generally but I have myoutgoing moments

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My friends from DVC when I swoopthrough during my spring break

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d like to think so, I hope so, I’mgonna go with yes.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I would hope at least one of themwould yeah.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

In general? Nice ones, nerdy ones,ones with passion and smiles and stories, people who make me feel good, peoplewho share my interest and also share their interests with me, creative people,really anyone who might bring positivity into my life and also people who Ifeel like could use some positivity. Speaking physically? I dig guys who aretaller than me, I’m weak for bara’s but also like trim figures. Gals of anyheight are great and curves and squishy tummies are so so nice. I also have hada thing for blonds since early childhood. But honestly everyone’s lovely andregardless of how you look if our personalities vibe I will probably fall inlove with you.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Well I’m presently in one now so Ihope that’s still a thing two months from now. And I mean who knows, maybe Iwill be in another relationship too but I think I can pretty confidently answerthis question as yes to at least one relationship.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

My friend Calvin cause I miss himand we need to hang, my friend Mark because I’m doodling his oc right now andthinkin about hairstyles for that, Michael cause I’m watching Rooster teeth asI write this and I associate that with him.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not at all.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My mum I think? Or Julia? My brainis bad at specific times and I had two convos pretty close to one another. It’sone of those.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“That sounds like an exasperatedconductor XD”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

In no particular order:

Paris by the Chain Smokers

Satisfied from Hamilton

Waiting For Love by Avicii

Get Better by the Bleachers (my all-timefave 100% of the time)

Waving Through a Window by CalebHyles

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

God yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Miracles more than luck but yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

This last summer? I got a jobselling cheese at farmers markets with my friend and got to go to cool placesand meet cool people.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Last person I smooched was my mumand I will probably smooch her again before bed so yea, all the kisses forever~I love my mommy =3

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Yep, not planets close to us butsomewhere out there there’s gotta be.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nope, he disappeared to themysterious land of Florida.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yep~

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I’ve spoken to them once that Ican recall so I don’t really have an opinion.

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastination, I rip my hair outsometimes, I’ve got shit study habits, I write fanfiction in class instead ofnotes, I’ve got a lot of bad habits but these are the ones that popped intomind first.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Everywhere? Is that an option?Japan and England are at the top of that list since I have friends there,looking at one of those for study abroad. Egypt also for friend reasons. TheNetherlands, Switzerland, France (just so I can remember going this time xp),Australia, the bottom of the ocean, space, other dimensions. I just wanna goman, just wanna go wherever.

23. Do you have trust issues?

Kind of?? I don’t worry aboutstuff like cheating and things but I have trouble trusting that people actuallylike me without ulterior motives or that they’re not just hanging around me tobe nice. I tend to feel like I’ve trapped people into friendships andrelationships with me so I’m always waiting for them to get tired of acting andend things :

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

It’s a tie between my morningshower and the part of my day where I whip my bra off and know it’s staying offfor the rest of the day.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Generally I’m pretty happy with mybody actually but I guess if I’ve gotta pick something I’d say my hair becauseit takes so much effort to keep it up how I actually want to and I generallyjust don’t have the spoons for it so it’s very rare that I’m actually all theway happy with how it looks and/or feels.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Lay in bed for five more minuteschecking various apps and psyching myself up for the day. Also say “I know” to my screaming kitty cat as he demands breakfast and pets.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Neither? Honestly I really don’tcare, feel like I’d look weird with lighter skin though so I guess I wouldn’tmind a tan. Mostly I wish I didn’t scar so easily xp

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mum, Amber, Julia, Caitlyn, Calvin,Nafisa, Sheridan (this is the list of friends I’m 100% sure don’t hate me.)

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Nope, but I’ve had one straight uptell me he dated me because he felt sorry for me.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Definitely!

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Might be when it’s straight, haven’ttried in a while.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Misha Collins and his wifeVictoria Vantoch, Hugh Jackman and his wife Deborra-Lee Furness

33. Spell your name with your chin.

Lauujrfededn (first name was goingso well and then it just went blah xp)

Oobliviojusolsdo (tumblr handle wenta little better???)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Not by choice but I was made tojoin the basketball team in middle school.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Most of my life is unrequitedcrushes.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Generally nothing because I’mafraid to break them.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Someone who’s as excited about meas I am about them, because I’ve found in past relationships that I tend to be waymore invested in the other person than they are in me. Someone who’s fine with meshowing love often and wants to show it in equal measure. Someone who is my bestfriend as much as they’re my lover, who has inside jokes with me and storiesand just loves to be with me and I love to be with them and we go on adventuresor sit around and either way its great because we’re great and we make each otherhappy. And also someone I can be unhappy with, someone I can cry in front ofand not worry about running them away, someone I don’t have to hold back with,someone I’m not scared to say “I need attention” to, because that’s honestlyone of the hardest, scariest things for me to say so I never say it and end upfeeling neglected. I just want people I can be happy with and honest withbecause a lot of what I’ve learned to do in relationships is lie about how I amand what I want so that I bend around what I think the other person wants fromme. I guess mostly my dream partner is someone I’m 100% comfortable and honest with.Extra points if they love dragon age.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Daiso is my snackfood and school supplydestination, Forever 21 is where most of my summertime clothes are from, I alsolove the bioware and Bethesda online stores, and Boxlunch is pretty cool too~

40. What do you want to do after high school college?

I honestly have no fuckin clueanymore. I’m thinking maybe join the Peace Corps if I stay on the politicalscience track. Honestly it’s more likely I’ll just keep working my jobs andmaybe look for another one to add to the stack. I’ve got no idea where my lifeis going xp

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on what they did. Somethings you just gotta walk away from. The world can give them a second chancewith someone else, you gotta take care of yourself.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

If we’re alone and I’m quiet I’mvery comfortable and enjoying our time together. If I’m with oodles of peopleand being extremely quiet I am veryuncomfortable and/or self conscious and probably trying not to panic or cry.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Usually. I like to see othersmile.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Why not both? If I’ve gotta choseI guess I chose the ocean because I’ve wanted to explore it longer than I’ve wantedto visit space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Needing to pee usually. Or my catscreaming at me for breakfast.

46. What are you paranoid about?

That everyone I love actuallyhates me and that they’re all disappointed in me. That I’m actually a horrible,toxic person dragging everyone down, that if I let slip for even a few momentsthat my mental illness is acting up everyone will abandon me. That something horriblemight happen to my mum when she’s out of my sight. Mostly I’m a great bigbundle of abandonment issues.

47. Have you ever been high?

Yep, got a funny story about myfirst experience with edibles if anyone wants to hear.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Also yep, though only twice so farin my life. I dislike it immensely and generally avoid drinking very much.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Not that I can think of.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Pullover hoodie? Purple. Zip uphoodie? Blue and yellow.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

God yes

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My brain and the fact that it’s adepressed, traumatized mess.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

… The cheap one??? I don’t makeupvery much, generally just buy cheap stuff or get gifted things.

54. Favourite store?

I’m gonna go with Daiso for thisone.

55. Favourite blog?

More than one cause I do what I want!Also alphabetically~ Also I can untag ya’ll if you want XD

@crispsauce datemate/beautifulfriend

@despondent-dulcet beautifulfriend

@galaga-senpai beautiful friend

Reapers-carino (too shy to tagthem properly) Awesome Overwatch writer

@silent-of-spirit beautiful friend/fantasticwriter

@trollfishprince beautiful friend

Xreader (also too shy to tag themproperly) Awsome Overwatch writer

56. Favourite colour?

Purple, specifically lavender

57. Favourite food?

Sushi, especiallythings with salmon or yellowtail

58. Last thing you ate?

Chicken Katsu

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Sweetbread thing I got at Daiso

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Not on my own that I can recall.My group did win the skit competition at Jack and Jill’s teen conference in2011 I think it was.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

Also nope

63. Ever been in love?

Several times. Tends notto work out.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I was at my first girlfriend’shouse and we were hanging out in her room talking on the phone with my other friend that Ihad a crush on and who would later become the boyfriend who told me he dated mebecause he felt sorry for me. We were teasing him about something and it endedup on the subject of kissing and in the middle of me talking about somethingshe just kind of leaned over and kissed me. It was nice. She tasted like thehomemade peach ice cream we’d had after dinner.

65. Are you hungry right now?

God no. I ate way too much today.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

The friends I have on tumblr arereal friends and I love them the same as anyone else~

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I have youtube on my tv in thebackground. I am not invested.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Amber, Caitlyn, Julia,Calvin, Sheridan, Nafisa (it’s that same list of friends I’m sure don’t hateme.)

71. Craving something? What?

Emotional validation, a sense of purpose,milk tea.

72. What colour are your towels?

Many

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One head pillow one body pillow

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yes, Molly the bear and Ducky thepencil case duck.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I’m gonna say 100. There’s atleast 30 in my room right now and then all the ones I ever had growing up invarious storage slots in this house and our house in the south.

75. Favourite animal?

Cows on land Jellyfish in the sea

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black with red trim and HelloKitty on my butt

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Rose

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey with grey text

80. What colour pants?

Invisible (aka none)

81. Favourite tv show?

It’s between Gallivant and StevenUniverse

82. Favourite movie?

I’ve got a lot but Big Fish or Spyare probs at the top right now

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Hmmmm 21 Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Bruce

87. First person you talked to today?

Michael

88. Last person you talked to today?

Mum

89. Name a person you hate?

Our present POTUS

90. Name a person you love?

My mum

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Our present POTUS

92. In a fight with someone?

Not that I’m aware of

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Like six????

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

At least 20

95. Last movie you watched?

Saw Kong Skull Island with mumlast Sunday. It was fun.

96. Favourite actress?

I really like Melissa McCarthy andalso Danai Gurira

97. Favourite actor?

Hugh Jackman and also Alan Rickman

98. Do you tan a lot?

Not on purpose but it happensevery summer without fail.

99. Have any pets?

My precious baby Simba!

100. How are you feeling?

Physically exhausted, mentallyfine

101. Do you type fast?

I’d like to think so

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Most things.

103. Can you spell well?

Nope but spellcheck saves the day.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Lots of people.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

At least three

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

If I have they didn’t tell me

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Only once but yes~

108. What should you be doing?

Drawing Mark’s character.

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Not really

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Several times.

111. Do you have trust issues?

Wasn’t this a question earlier? Ithink so. Check above and if not hit me up cx

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Michael I think.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Daddy called me Coolio because ofmy braids XD

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeppers

115. Do you play the Wii?

Can’t find the damn wiimote butyes

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope, Markiplier

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Who doesn’t???

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yes~

119. Favourite book?

Triple tie between 1984, Brave NewWorld, and the Giver

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Yes

121. Are you mean?

I try not to be. I hope not.

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Only in noncompetitive videogames, like using the motherload cheat in the Sims. Otherwise don’t do it.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Jesus no, I’m the family disgrace.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Lust maybe but love takes time

125. Do you believe in true love?

Indeed I do. Though I also believeit’s not limited to one person.

126. Are you currently bored?

Nah, pretty entertained by doingthis whole thing.

127. What makes you happy?

My friends, dragon age, my cat,music, anime, rooster teeth, video games, writing, tasty food

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, I like the name my parentspicked for me~

129. What your zodiac sign?

Virgo but I was supposed to be a Capricorn

130. Do you like subway?

Like the sub shop? I don’t gothere on my own but if someone brings me food from there I’ll eat it. If youmean subway trains I like Bart (bay area rapid transit for anyone who doesn’tknow) just fine. Though I often consider how dirty everything probably is.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

That would probably be Calvin?? We’vealready determined that we’re too much like siblings to ever date and I don’tthink that feeling will change on my end at least so I’d probably let him knowthat and hopefully continue things as usual. No use in making things weird.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Once again I’m pretty sure Ianswered this already??? Deja’vu??? How do you spell that?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

We are one of a kind irreplaceable

How did I get so blind and socynical

If there’s love in this life we’reunstoppable

No we can’t be defeated

Waiting for Love - Avicii

134. Can you count to one million?

I do not have the patience but Iprobably have the ability.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I told my mom the cat broke thehorn on her tiny unicorn statue when there was literally no way the cat couldhave reached it or broken it in the way I did.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Open a crack for the cat or elsehe cries and pulls at the carpet

137. How tall are you?

5’4

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Mine is curly I like either onothers.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Mine’s brown black I also likeeither on others.

140. Summer or Winter?

Summer forever please.

141. Night or Day?

Give me day, eternal light!

142. Favourite month

February has my favorite holidaybut I think I’ll go with July because weather.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope, tried once and that’s how Ifound out I’m anemic.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

White, dark, milk in that order.

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea, coffee gives me tummy achesand anxiety

146. Was today a good day?

I think so, yes~

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers, even though I’m mildly allergicto peanuts.

148. What’s your favourite quote?

That’s a good ass question. Ithink I’ll go with:

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goeson.” Robert Frost

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yep

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the firstline

“And he said unto them, Let theLord be so with you as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; forevil is before you.” Exodus 11:10

Ho shit, done! Congrats if you made it through this behemoth, you now know a bunch of useless things about me XD

#ask oso #ask meme #i can't believe I answered all 150 questions #add one more and I've got the original pokedex #this was actually pretty fun #about me #about oso

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unlikelydreamlandcreation-blog · 6 years

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