#buzzfeed rewind

[slmjaeyuns]

☼ kim sunwoo fics that altered my brain chemistry ☼

all time favourites ♡

(fics contain a combination of genres including fluff, angst, suggestiveness, smut)

♡ the boy ♡

♡ blurred lines ♡

♡ this is how we fall ♡

♡ heart shaped exhaust pipes ♡

fluffs ❀

❀ pose ❀

❀ odds ❀

❀ yūgen ❀

❀ rekindle ❀

❀ love sick ❀

❀ seat filler ❀

❀ safe place ❀

❀ you’re safe ❀

❀ hoodie talk ❀

❀ aquaphobia ❀

❀ when it’s right ❀

❀ goal: your heart ❀

❀ walking on sunshine ❀

❀ from my moon to yours ❀

sequel: ❀ under our stars ❀

❀ you look hideous on me ❀

❀ when the hydrangea bloom ❀

❀ what type of cheese are you? ❀

❀ what happens in vegas, stays in vegas ❀

angst ☽

☽ jeong ☽

sequel: ☽ commitment ☽

☽ clouds ☽

☽ daisies ☽

☽ die for you ☽

☽ going high ☽

☽ dandelions ☽

☽ spring snow ☽

☽ run with hell ☽

☽ take me back ☽

☽ dear stranger ☽

☽ stubborn love ☽

☽ bloom for you ☽

☽ come back home ☽

sequel: ☽ promised you the moon ☽

☽ today’s happiness ☽

☽ the girl i haven’t met ☽

☽ maybe in another life ☽

☽ a pink sweater in spring ☽

☽ rewind, revive (all that we are.) ☽

suggestive/smut ☁︎

☁︎ ridin’ ☁︎

☁︎ bbgg ☁︎

☁︎ insanity ☁︎

☁︎ attention ☁︎

☁︎ unnamed ☁︎

☁︎ consuming ☁︎

☁︎ lucky charm ☁︎

☁︎ plein d’amour ☁︎

☁︎ ditching plans ☁︎

☁︎ st. fratty’s day ☁︎

☁︎ relax, let’s do it ☁︎

☁︎ so much for self control ☁︎

☁︎ a little tmi between friends ☁︎

[wonderlandleighleigh]

I don’t know how y’all are feeling, but I’m so grossed out by streamers right now

So I’m going to give you some smaller youtube creators to watch who are so fun, and not owned by a studio that is refusing to pay their workers.

Watcher Media - Do you like ghost hunting, puppets, and food? These three former Buzzfeed employees started their own video company and they are a true delight. Shane, Stephen and the Bergooz talk about ghosts, history, food, and murder. Worth a watch!

Tasting History - Max Miller, former Disney employee, started a food history podcast that teaches you about what people ate in ye olde times, and why. You can tell how passionate he is about his subject matter. A very chill time.

Mythical Kitchen - Do you like gremlins and food and gremlins who make food? That’s basically Mythical Kitchen. It is Good Mythical Morning’s bizarre, anxious kid sibling who may have sniffed bath salts last night, but has the best of intentions. If Nicole didn’t constantly remind him that it would kill him, I’m pretty sure Josh would eat wood glue.

Disney Dan - If you’re a Disney human, Disney Dan is a great way to scratch that itch. He does deep dives into park costumes and touring show costumes, including some deeply terrifying showings from the dawn of Disneyland. He’s so much fun. He has a great laugh, and you can tell he’s having such a good time.

Defunctland - Short form documentaries about all sorts of both well-known, and very little known subjects in pop culture. He does such compelling work. I cannot recommend this channel enough.

Ask a Mortician - Do you think about dying, and the ethics of the death industry? Get onboard with the Order of the Good Death. There is something really interesting and refreshing about death positivity, or, being well informed about the industry that your family will invariably have to deal with once you die. Being unafraid to tackle the idea that we all gotta go sometime, and we can make good choices about what happens to our bodies when that happens. 

Be Kind, Rewind - A super solid Hollywood history channel, tackling a lot of topics pertaining to women in the industry.

Fundie Fridays - I knew nothing about fundamentalist religion before I started watching this channel. Jenn and James are so informative, and they do their best to show empathy to those who truly need it amongst subjects that are truly horrifying sometimes. TW for information about sexual abuse and other disturbing subjects, but so informative and so important to know.

Food Wishes - Join Chef John as he cooks up delicious dishes. So chill. Such good vibes.

Demystifying Chinese Cooking - Traditional Chinese food is an entire world all it’s own, and you should know about it!

Girl with the Dogs - Canadian Animal Groomer who tells you all about the breeds she grooms, and also how to handle difficult animals with compassion and safety. She also uses a lot of her funds from youtube to give free grooms to animals in need, and promote animal adoption.

Shipwrecked - They describe themselves as stupidly smart comedy, and that’s very true. They’re an indie film company, creating historical fiction that is really lovely and funny.

Kittenlady - Hannah and Andrew run Orphan Kitten Club, a non-profit dedicated to caring for abandoned neonatal kittens. They’ve been doing a lot of traveling to learn about kitten and cat care around the world, and shine a spotlight on shelters and colony caretakers internationally.

I could literally go on forever. But these are the ones that are super standout for me at least right now!

[anidealistatbestburntoutatworst]

nikolai: “when i get murdered can you make sure it’s unsolved?!”

mushitaro *confused*: “what”

nikolai: “i want to be on buzzfeed unsolved.”

mushitaro: “i get that,,,, but can we rewind to the “when i get murdered” part?”

nikolai: “no.”

[likesomekindofcheese]

what about a fic with Joe mazzello where your like...."huh babe yknow this other actor named joseph quinn in st4 sort of looks like your portrayal of John" and teasing him about it

Yes! You can bet I can take advantage of our new Tumblr Sexy man Joseph Quinn and his physical similarities to Joe!!!

(I swear, they need to play brothers someday!!!)

So first, let's make this a headcanon. And secondly, let's make the reader gender neutral.

COMMENTS AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!!

TW: Swearing, but pretty fluffy and that's about it.

So Joseph was upstairs playing video games while you were downstairs.

One plus about your relationship is that you recognized the need for space and appreciation for different interests :)

As he was pressing a button to make Mario jump for a coin he heard the distinct sound of a riffing guitar with some thunder downstairs. But today was a hot summer's day with the crickets lazily chirping as the bright sun faded. Not one dark cloud in the sky.

Hearing more, it was Master of Puppets by Metallica. He shrugged it off and kept playing.

He cursed when he lost his last life, unable to hear your footsteps up.

"Babe! Babe! You got to see this!" You said with urgency. Your eyes were wide with excitement more than panic.

"Y/N, what is it?" he asked, turning to look at you. His red hair messy from a whole day inside.

"Come downstairs...there's a guy on the new season of Stranger Things who looks like you!" you explained.

He follows down in curiosity. You pause and rewind the episode, muttering "blah blah blah skip skip skip show us Eddie!"

You then paused right on a frame of the Eddie in question.

"His hair is too long, sweetie!" Joe objected.

You whipped out your phone and pulled out a picture of your Joe as Deaky.

He blinked and his eyes darted from the phone to the tv to the phone and back again.

"H...Holy shit..." he mumbled.

"And wait until you see him without the wig!" you added on. You reached down on your phone and searched up a photo.

"The guy who plays him, get this, he's named Joe too!"

"What!?"

"Yes," you pulled up a photo of the other Joe in the phone and shoved it to the present Joe's face.

"And he looks like this!" you cried.

Joseph Mazzello's eyes went big at the sight and he began nodding in appreciation. Similar reddish hair. Similar face structure. Similar foreheads.

"Huh...his eyes are darker, and the bulb of his nose is rounder, I think," you said, you took Joe's face in your hands and "examined" it, much to his amusement.

"Maybe my mom doesn't have a secret about John Deacon but his father!" he joked. Both of you giggled.

"I'll let you know, he's everywhere on the internet. Buzzfeed, Tumblr, Twitter, Insta, and Facebook even. They're mad about him and his character in Stranger Things." you explained

Joe put his hands on his hips

"They could have cast me!"

"But what about your new movie?" you asked with a laugh.

"That's not the point!"

Both of you giggled and he placed his hands around your waist.

"Then, I better watch out if he gets near you." he teased. "I know you got a type now! He better not steal you away from me!"

"Not in a million years!" you insisted.

You gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose. "But he's not my Joe. My Joe is funny and multi-talented, and smart, and adorable, and not to mention pretty dark sexy..."

"Sexy, eh?" he returned with a kiss on the lips.

Taglist: @queenlover05@yourlocalmusicalprostitute @0x0spunky-monkey0x0

[onetoomanyfandomfixations]

OBEY ME BOYS W MY COMFORT MOVIES

which of my comfort movies they would watch w you, and enjoy ✨✨

LUCIFER

Les Miserablès

Appreciates the art of it

Read the book and Loved it

I could never have u seen how Thick that bitch is

Prefers live performances to the movie, but likes the accessibility of the movie

Really loves how complex all of the characters are

Fave character is Javert

Can be found humming ‘Stars’ and ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ while he works

MAMMON

Legally Blonde

L o o k

He’s got a secret thing for chic flicks idc

Relates to Elle

Is underestimated, is pretty, can be scarily smart

Can quote that One Scene in its entirety

You know the one

Cheers when Elle and Emmett get together

Every Time

LEVIATHAN

Ponyo

It’s just,,,,,

So wholesome,,,,,,,,

Such a feel good movie

And the animation?????

We Love

Sings along with the ending

Got Mammon to make him the ramen once

It was too spicy

SATAN

The Princess Bride

Love it to Pieces

Doesn’t care about how bad the special effects are

Or how bad the acting is in moment

It just hits the hopeless romantic within him

Can and will quote the entire movie

As he should

If y’all are ✨romantically involved✨ he unironically says “as you wish”

All 👏 the 👏 time 👏

ASMODEUS

Mamma Mia

Here we go again

This is His Moment

He is the Moment

Does not shut up the entire movie

Is either singing or commentating

HARDCORE believer that Harry is the bio father

Will fight people on this

BEELZELBUB

Not a movie, BUT

Nailed It

As much as watching cooking shows makes him hungry, he also finds the process of cooking calming

Judges based on whether or not he would still eat the desserts

Thinks Solomon should compete for an easy win

Very few dishes make him lose his appetite

But it has happened before

Thinks Nicole is funny

BELPHAGOR

Again, not a movie but

Buzzfeed Unsolved

Find’s Ryan’s voice soothing

Hc him as a secret true crime nerd

Has been known to fall asleep to it before

Prefers true crime over paranormal

Will watch paranormal if he needs a laugh though

One of the few things he’ll rewind if he falls asleep

Bonus: VALENTINA

Barbie and the Diamond Castle

LIVES for the nostalgia

Watched it religiously growing up

Will write a 2000 word essay on why Alexis and Liana are in love and happily married

Adores the music

Can be caught humming it around the house

Gags every time the dragon is on screen w his weirdass head dongle

Forced the brothers to watch it for family movie night

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

Mini: Why are my fire alarms going off?!

[2 minutes earlier]

Rudy: I'm so excited to make dinner for my beautiful girlfriend <3

----

Nikita, to Aru: It's not possible for you to have a mid-life crisis. You're, like, fifteen.

Mini: Given the amount of people she pisses off daily, there's the very real chance of her dying by 30.

----

Aru: When I get murdered please make sure that my case remains unsolved.

Aiden: Why though

Aru: I want to go on Buzzfeed unsolved.

Mini: Rewind to the part when you said "WHEN I get murdered"

----

Nikita: I suggested we flip a coin, but Opal said that she doesn't gamble.

Nikita: Which is ironic, given she was gambling the chances of me slapping her.

----

Mini: Aru, you and Brynne aren't allowed at my house anymore.

Aru: Is it because we-

Mini, exasperated: YES, IT'S BECAUSE YOU STALKED RUDY AND ME WHILE WE WERE ON A DATE.

Brynne, whispering to Aru: She doesn't know about the fire.

Mini: WHAT FIRE?!

----

Rudy, drunk: You're very pretty, may I ask you out on a date?

Mini: ....We're married

Rudy, crying: OH MY GOSH WE ARE????

----

Rudy: A Furby can be a personal bodyguard if you're not a coward.

Mini:

Mini: What even-

----

Sheela: I'm ten seconds away from Aru-ing this shit and yeeting myself into the void.

Aru: Did you just use my name as an adjective? And did it make sense?

----

[steviesmarigold]

M’s Week on AO3

7/4/22

—

First Reads

A Breath Beneath: 18k words

Bucky is a lot of things. He's a strong swimmer. He's got a good eye for treasure. His song has been known to lure in the toughest sailors.

Right now, though, Bucky is in pain.

*

A reimagining of the helicarrier scene in which mer!Bucky saves Steve and for the first time in a long time, everything falls into place for them both.

As long as they can survive a little adventure first, of course.

re(dis)covery: 7k words

Wherein Bucky Barnes, SHIELD operative, discovers he has feelings for the nurse down in medbay and rediscovers a few more things about himself along the way.

Ollie Meets Bagel: 5.5k words

He was a skater boy, Steve said let's get bagels, boy.

Steve wants to start doing this twenty-first century thing properly. He gets help in the form of skateboarding, skateboarders, bagels, and Sam Wilson.

Anywhere the Wind Blows: 8.8k words

After a catastrophic fire that shakes him to his core, Steve Rogers quits his job as a Brooklyn firefighter and relocates to a cabin in the remote Canadian wilderness, wanting quiet and solitude and to maybe never have to speak to another human being ever again. He gets his wish, more or less, until a recently injured Bucky Barnes is discharged from the Army and rents the cabin next door.

Hungry for the Reckoning: 11k words

After the conflict of the Sokovia Accords, Bucky Barnes falls reclused by the FBI.

It's only a matter of time until Steve Rogers, formerly known as Captain America, breaks into the facility to get his long-life friend out of there.

There is a hell of a lot more running to do, and Bucky can't stop conjuring all sorts of garden-like flowers every time he feels afraid.

Only Steve is a medium and can see that there are not only federal agents haunting after them.

be kind, rewind: 14k words *WIP*

It’s 1994 and Bucky Barnes is stuck in a dead-end job at Blockbuster trying to figure his life out. Until a recently unfrozen Steve Rogers walks through the door and asks him for film recommendations.

How Buzzfeed Helped Bucky Barnes Get A Boyfriend: 35k words

In which Bucky Barnes, Iraq war veteran and bicycle enthusiast, streams Overwatch on the side for fun under the handle President15, and one day his friend-of-a-friend FalconKnight introduces a new player to the crew, THECapRogers. It would be totally absurd for the actual Captain America to hang out in his stream and argue about baseball, right? ...right?

Kiss me and take off your clothes: 9.9k words

Steve Rogers is dared to send a dick pic to a blog which critiques dick pics (run by none other than Bucky Barnes). Hilarity ensues.

progressively bigger keys

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.”

― Charles Dickens, Hunted Down

Steve and Bucky, it appears, have less need for a key and more use for a battering ram in trying to come out of the closet.

(The one where Steve tries to do one thing (one thing!) without causing a national ruckus, but the press are determined to see Bucky as Steve's best friend. And nothing more.)

Catfish: 28k words

Catfish /ˈkatˌfiSH/ - A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

Steve Rogers is a famous movie star, known for his role as Captain America. Bucky Barnes is a bored law student who drinks too much wine. Bucky gets on match.com to boost his confidence. What he doesn't expect is a guy using Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating profile. Bucky decides to mess with the guy. After all, what idiot uses Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating site?

Not like it's really him, right? Bucky may need more wine.

Breathe Underwater: 8.1k words

“He’s had it tough,” Steve forced himself to say. “Stuff like that changes you. I think – I think for him I’m just a bad memory now.” It was gutting to say out loud. It was Wednesday and Steve was miserable.

Natasha studied Steve for a moment, the way she studied a tactical mission. Finally she shook her head. “That sucks.”

It was Wednesday and Steve was blindsided by how much he appreciated Natasha Romanoff’s friendship.

Re-Reads

That Ass (Property of James Barnes): 6k words

Bucky Barnes, world's biggest troll.

OR

Five times Bucky traumatized the future with overshare about Steve's ass and the one time someone wasn't phased.

The Winter Soldier vs. Twitter (hashtag BuckRogers): 4.6k words

“Remember what I said about internet trolls?”

“Don’t feed the trolls.”

“Exactly. Did I not say the same thing to Barnes?” Tony asked rhetorically. “Were those not my exact words? I could have sworn they were, and yet.”

“Bucky’s feeding the trolls?”

“He’s throwing a goddamn seven-course troll banquet. Every time someone on Twitter asks if your relationship announcement is real, he replies. Colorfully.”

Steve opened his mouth to ask what “colorfully” meant, then caught the gleam in Tony’s eye and put two and two together. He blushed. Colorfully. “Oh.”

(Steve and Bucky announce their relationship in a very dignified press conference. Bucky then replies to every goddamn tweet asking him to confirm it with a different dirty euphemism. Things escalate from there.)

The Wedding Planner(‘s Assistant): 40k words

Bucky Barnes is in a bit of a conundrum.

For example, on the one hand, he’s the former extremely polished, brutally efficient, and impressively ruthless brainwashed weapon of mass murder for the secret Nazi arm of the United States government.

On the other hand, he has an uncontrollable crush on the cute blond wedding planner who lives next door.

What do you do when HYDRA agents keep climbing through your window and the Avengers can’t seem to leave you the fuck alone? Volunteer to help with wedding planning, he guesses.

This won’t be difficult to balance at all.

Taxi: 5.1k words

Bucky Barnes was, he hoped, a good taxi driver.

He's so good, he actually tries to return lost property that ends up left in his car and... well. It has some unexpected consequences involving a National Icon.

Enough said.

To Believe in Tomorrow: 3.9k words

Bucky's mornings at the community garden get a little more interesting when the new guy shows up.

The Envelopes: 2.4k words

No one said anything about how love is shown in any ways. Hospital rooms, love letters, and kisses ensue; but not necessarily in that order.

Or, Winter Soldier Bucky crushes over SHEILD agent Steve

[daincrediblegg]

So yeah anyway The Quarry really took all of the fandom elements from Until Dawn that I loved and threw it into a new game huh? Creature features and lore abound but also like really fandom-specific shit like the “beth lives” fanon and right down to leaning into the hoakie “lol what if a paranormal podcast (see: buzzfeed unsolved)covered the story we’re telling” angle???? LIKE ITS ALL THERE!!!! And not ONLY that, but they leaned into the funny charming dialogue that made Until Dawn the charming game it was, gave you options to save the creatures and villains too- AND EASILY SUPERMASSIVE’S BIGGEST ENSEMBLE TO DATE TOO???? fucking BALLER. I love this I really can’t WAIT to do a rewind playthrough

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Fic | 2022

This is... very late. I almost didn’t do it at all. But you know what, I like my traditions, even if it takes me two months to claw myself free of the pit of despair long enough to do it.

How many fics did you write this year? What was your total wordcount?

In 2022 I wrote 18 fics, for a total of 62,476 words. About 30k less than I did in 2021, which is disappointing, but not surprising. Between mental health tripwires and planning a wedding (harder than it sounds, do not recommend, do yourself a favor and elope) last year was the pits.

Fic Roundup!

what for d'you yearn? | The Witcher | Yennefer/Jaskier/Geralt | 5,481 words | Yennefer fucks Jaskier the third week that she is at Kaer Morhen.

the spring will come with the floods | Harry Potter | Drarry | 1,677 words | On a dreary day in early June, Harry Potter gets stuck in Draco’s wards.

tear you apart | The Untamed | SXX | 6,656 words | “Awful lot of effort,” Xue Yang says. “To save someone you’ve never met before. Don’t you get something out of it?”

find hope in the hopeless | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 861 words |  Billy closes his eyes on Starcourt Mall, Max a hazy silhouette above him, haloed in light.

like holy days | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 2001 words | He looks up at Steve from under his lashes, tongue between his teeth, and cocks his head. “We good, King Steve?”

this is a life | The Untamed | SXX | 9500 words |  “Well,” Xiao Xingchen says brightly. “You’re welcome to join us for a little while. We’re heading to Oregon, so we can basically take you as far as you want as long as it’s on the way.”

my kingdom for your graces | The Untamed | SXX | 2,616 words |  In the kitchen, Xiao Xingchen is cutting Xue Yang a slice of olive oil cake, the top of her head just barely visible over the fruit bowl perched on the dividing counter between kitchen and living room.

don’t feed it, it will come back | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 861 words | Steve Harrington spins Eddie Munson back to life on a Saturday.

when the autumn moon is bright | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 2207 words | “Hello Derek,” he gasps, eyes sparking with delight.

no wealth, no ruin | PJO | Nico, Gen | 770 words | Nico di Angelo takes his last breath in broad daylight, the sun gleaming at him through the trees overhead.

don’t look under the bed | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 3528 words | When Ryan Bergara was younger, he had an imaginary friend named Shane.

if the sun comes up | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 1695 words |  “Oh baby, don’t do that,” Eddie says, transferring Steve’s wrists to one hand so that he can use the other to catch Steve by the throat and shake him like a rag doll until Steve’s dizzy and reeling, nausea thick on his tongue.

mirror, mirror, what’s behind you? | LoZ | Link/Dark Link | 1441 words | There is a mirror in the furthest corner of Hyrule Palace that is guarded day and night.

listen to your heart bleed | TMA | Martin/Jon | 1467 words | “Hello Jon,” Martin tells the floating figure that used to be his boyfriend, crossing the room to take a seat in the chair a few feet to the left of Jon’s dangling feet.

leave your life open (somebody hears you) | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve/Eddie | 6,444 words | The first time that Steve sees Billy after Starcourt, he thinks that he’s hallucinating.

who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve/Eddie | 4,831 words | local witch and his revenant boyfriend resurrect mutual crush.

the tide will take, the sea will rise | The Untamed | SongXueXiao | 7106 words | Xue Yang dies on a Tuesday. The following morning, he wakes up.

Rest Stop | LoZ: Majora’s Mask | Gen, Link & Romani, Link & Tatl | 3,334 words | “You have a magic ocarina that rewinds time. You can take a break.“

Best story I wrote this year:

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Weirdly enough, I think it was find hope in the hopeless, which was a very short atmospheric one-shot that I spun together in the hours leading up to the premiere of the new season of Stranger Things. I wrote it while Nick was playing through the ashtray maze level of Control, and was just stupidly charmed by Billy getting a softer death - something to kind of lull him to sleep. A death still, sure, but something tender. Wanted. I ended up making myself weep a little, because when it comes down to it I am still sad about the tragedy that is Billy Hargrove.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

It looks like my most popular fic was what for d’you yearn, coming in at 611 kudos, followed by when the autumn moon is bright, which is sitting at 355. The runner ups are ghost sex the fic, fish sex the fic, and a very short Drarry one-shot, because I was feeling them last Spring.

Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I think probably listen to your heart bleed, which was the canon-divergent coda that I wrote for The Magnus Archives during dark month. Basically, Jon becomes the Eye and they continue on with a different sort of sad, quiet apocalypse. 

Most fun story to write:

Can I say the story with all the fish sex? Because tear you apart was a horny mess that was a total blast to write. I honestly didn’t expect it to get too much attention, because I was very up front with my tags about its particular brand of kink, but hey. Monster fuckers unite and all that.

Story that could have been better?

I really, really wish that I’d had more time to craft who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? into something better. I wrote a ton of it in the aftermath of the season, but ended up getting stuck somewhere and didn’t really finish it until dark month, and then it was just a rush to the finish. I wish I’d taken the time to properly drag it out, and maybe even gotten around to the boning. But October was coming to an end, and if I didn’t post it then, I never would have, so I made due.

Story I wrote to fix things:

God, I think most of these are fix-it fics. Some of them are porny ones, some are sad introspective ones, and others are just plain old fashioned fix it. I think that  leave your life open (somebody hears you) was the closest I got to a true fix it fic, a fic where Steve sees (2) dead people and Eddie and Billy get some kind of catharsis in fucking the small town jock in the afterlife. I don’t know, it was fun to write and I was grieving Eddie.

Longest completed fic this year:

this is a life was nearly 10k. Written for the MXTX exchange, it was basically 10k of will they or won’t they with the added bonus of road trips and chaos gremlin Xue Yang. I enjoyed writing it!

Fandom you enjoyed writing for most this year:

Honestly? Probably Stranger Things. The Untamed bits were great, but I’m still so weak for Billy and Steve, and the added bonus of Eddie made it all the sweeter.

Favorite character you wrote this year:

Oh, definitely Yennefer. Don’t get me wrong, I love Xue Yang and Steve and Billy, but Yennefer was a JOY to write.

Most memorable comment(s) this year:

I mean they were all great, but my recipient’s comment on this is a life was this long rambling stream of consciousness as they were reading the fic and it was really so fantastic and made me so incredibly happy. I also got a couple of really gorgeous thoughtful comments on both old Teen Wolf and old PJO fics, which are always a treat.

Fics you wanted to write but didn’t:

God, a ton. I don’t even know. I have a graveyard of abandoned thoughts at this point.

Oddest story:

Fish sex!

Hardest story to do:

I had some minor trouble with the tide will take, the sea will rise but over all, the fics didn’t fight me too much this year. I also had some issues with the ghosty Stranger Things fic later on in the year.

Easiest story to write?

Probably my kingdom for your graces, the super horny cis swap fic that I did just for an excuse for femme!Xue Yang to get absolutely railed in a dress. Though there were quite a few other ones that came super easy to me.

Most mining of your own history in one story:

I mean, not to be tmi, but I too have been railed over the side of a couch after having recently eaten cake, but somehow I don’t think that counts? I know in  listen to your heart bleed I had Martin reading Coraline to Jon, and that was around the time that I was reading it to Nick. That counts, right?

Themes, or absence thereof:

Vampires and monsterfucking, mostly.

Where did you publish/archive your stories?

Ao3, as per usual. I didn’t crosspost too much this year.

Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to:

I’m honestly pretty stuck when it comes to writing right now. I haven’t felt the drive and when I do it’s really fleeting and gone before I can properly square up. Most recently I have felt the urge to write a very brief ust filled one-shot of Jericho and Sam Lloyd from the Diviners, because there’s this moment in Lair of Dreams that makes me want it and I am the only person in existence who has even thought about it. I’ve also felt the urge to write more Aloy, but idk.

Sexiest moment (excerpt):

The fifth time that she fucks Jaskier, she does it in broad daylight. There’s buttery warm winter sunlight spilling in through the keep’s windows, and the corridor is deserted, everyone else out in the courtyard under the pretense of helping Ciri through her forms when really all they want to do is hassle Geralt about it, and—Well, Jaskier is there.

She lets him hitch her leg up around his hip and fuck her there in the hallway, right up against the stone wall next to the door to Geralt’s room. It’s hard and fast and hot, her hair coming undone from its braid as Jaskier works his hand into it, and she is right on the cusp, her mouth open against Jaskier’s shoulderblade when she catches a hint of movement down the corridor.

She turns her head, curious, still floating on a hazy cloud of pleasure, and meets Geralt's eyes over Jaskier’s shoulder.

She makes a noise unlike her—a low whine that she muffles into the side of Jaskier’s neck, and Jaskier hasn’t noticed yet. He’s close to coming, his thrusts growing erratic as he presses sweet murmurs into the curve of her throat, and Yennefer is— she’s always been selfish. She’s chased her own ambition, her own pleasure, for decades, pursued her own ideals at the cost of others. She isn’t the sort to regret it, not usually, but Geralt has always been a sore spot for her, a particular bruise that she enjoys prodding at whenever she thinks she's getting over him.

She keeps her eyes on Geralt as she urges Jaskier to fuck her harder, faster. Geralt’s face is slack, soft with something—surprise? Want? And if it is want, which of them is he busy wanting? Yennefer’s never come right out and asked Jaskier if he and Geralt ever fucked, but she’s clever enough to read between the lines. Jaskier is transparent in heartbreak, and if he and Geralt truly hadn’t fucked in the intervening years, then Yennefer is willing to bet that it wasn’t for a lack of desire.

When Jaskier comes, he makes a wounded sound into the curve of her throat, his entire body hitching into hers. She bites her lip, eyes growing heavy-lidded with pleasure as he reaches between them without missing a beat and thumbs between her legs until she follows him over, eyelids fluttering closed as she comes.

.

“Please,” Xue Yang gasps into the cushions. She never knows exactly what she’s asking for, but she asks anyway, because they somehow always do. Somewhere above her, Xiao Xingchen laughs, and then her hand is cupping Xue Yang’s chin, bringing it up and out of the cushions. The sweatpants are gone, leaving Xiao Xingchen bare from the waist down, and as Xue Yang watches, hungry, Xiao Xingchen’s legs part and she draws Xue Yang towards her.

Xue Yang likes bringing Xiao Xingchen off like this, with just her mouth, likes it better than using a toy or her fingers. Xiao Xingchen is hot against her, dripping for her, and Xue Yang loves this part, loves getting messy, so she loses herself in it, licking and sucking at Xiao Xingchen’s folds, her clit, her hole. All the while, Song Lan keeps fucking her through it, his thrusts never once slowing.

“You’re so good for us, a-Yang,” Xiao Xingchen tells her, fingers tightening in Xue Yang’s hair, and something in Xue Yang goes pliant, boneless and sated.

Song Lan fucks her through Xiao Xingchen’s first orgasm, through her second, through the third, until Xue Yang is red-faced and gasping, her chin slick, dizzy from a lack of oxygen.

“Please,” Xue Yang tells him through her teeth, after Xiao Xingchen’s finally pushed her gently away, leaving Xue Yang’s cheek pillowed on her thigh. Song Lan grunts, and, leaning over her, finally—finally—splays his hand out across her throat and squeezes hard, just the once.

Xue Yang’s entire world goes blank, white hot, stars exploding behind her eyelids as she comes hard, convulsing around him. She shudders, toes curling in the carpet, and lets out a throaty groan, going boneless all at once. She’s only half paying attention afterwards, floating in a haze of bliss. She’s aware of little things, Xiao Xingchen’s hand smoothing back her hair, the patter of an evening storm against the windows, and the distant realization that Song Lan is still fucking her, his hand clenched so tight around her hip that she knows there will be bruises tomorrow. Outside, the sun is going down. Xue Yang drifts for a while and wonders what kind of night this will be—if Song Lan will finish, smooth down her skirt, and send her on her way, or if it will be one of those nights, when they tug her up to bed and have her another six ways between them before plying her with pizza, still fucked out and sprawled across the sheets. She likes those nights best, because it soothes the cracked open thing in her chest that’s started making noises whenever she has to leave them afterwards.

Xue Yang surfaces all at once when Song Lan gets a fist in the back of her skirt and yanks it up even higher, until the fabric is bunched up between her shoulder blades. She makes a thin reedy sound when he shifts, going impossibly deeper as he stretches out along her back and closes his teeth around the column of her throat. He licks it afterwards, as if in apology, and then asks in a rough voice, “Where do you want it?”

The first time that he’d asked her that, she’d laughed. She’d been fresh off a shift and still stank of sweat and spoiled cream and espresso, and it was just so abruptly ludicrous, like she’d walked straight onto the set of a low budget porno. Now though, it sets off fireworks inside of her, and she gasps, clenching her eyes shut, and in a raw voice, whispers, “Inside. Inside, please.”

Crackiest moment (excerpt):

Steve keeps seeing them. Most of the time, they can’t really stop to chat without making Steve seem like a crazy person. He sees them the same way that he saw Billy those first few months—in passing.

He sees them passing the video store at least once a week, jackets bunched up around their shoulders as if they actually need them to ward off the coming chill of autumn. Steve doesn’t know where they’re going, but Eddie never fails to stop and make faces through the window—devil horns, tongue out and wiggling, crossed eyes. Once, he actually moons Steve, pale butt cheeks pressed to the spotless glass, and Steve promptly  inhales his gum and breaks into a coughing fit while old Mrs Conley watches on, unblinking and unamused.

He spends the next ten minutes apologizing profusely as she wipes spittle from her glasses, plying her with free malt balls so she won’t rat on him to Keith, and by the time he’s done, Eddie and Billy are long gone.

.

“Oh hey,” Eddie says, blinking. “Did you see what Billy taught me?”

He gestures, indicating the new outfit and Steve laughs, his eyes coming back again to that wide sliver of belly, the trail of dark hair leading down from his belly button. He blinks, eyes darting back up to Eddie’s.

“I did,” he says. “It’s some outfit. That usually what you wear to the pool?”

Eddie snorts. “The pool was never exactly my scene, if you know what I mean. Pretty sure all those soccer moms would see me lit up like the beacons of Gondor and run the other way screaming.”

Next to him, Billy snorts. “Trust me, Munson. There were worse things at the local watering hole than your pasty ass.”

“Yeah, uh huh,” Eddie says agreeably, nodding along. “Sure there were.”

Billy rolls his eyes, giving Eddie a look, eyes narrowed. “Quit fishing for compliments. Just count your fucking blessings that you’re not Keith.”

Eddie sucks in a breath through his teeth, making a face. “Did he wear a lot of sunscreen? I’ll bet he wore a lot of sunscreen.”

“Hey,” Steve protests. “There is nothing wrong with sunscreen. It's good for you. I’ll bet that you’d burn like a peach without it.”

“Yeah, but Keith wouldn’t rub it in, would he? Guarantee you he was up there looking like Casper.” He frowns, looking suddenly concerned. “Actually, hey. Billy. Do ghosts burn?”

Billy groans, pulling his sunglasses back up onto his nose. “I really couldn’t tell you. I never have, but I didn’t burn when I was alive, so not sure that tells you much.”

“Hm,” Eddie murmurs, frowning like he’s trying to work out a puzzle. “Guess that’ll be an experiment for another time. Ghost physics are bullshit.”

The sun is starting to droop in the sky, the horizon turning red and gold, slivers of violet streaking through it. Steve watches the sun set with sleepy eyes, listening with half an ear as Eddie and Billy bicker in the background. The distant scream of cicadas mixes with the hum of the AC unit, and already, there are fireflies emerging from their slumber, lighting up the backyard around them.

Steve is so fucking tired. He just wants to sleep.

.

In the end, Billy is the one who talks him into it. He’s sitting on a pool lounger, his feet dangling over one of those god awful cracks that run all through town like he’s determined to soak in some hellfire, when he turns to Steve, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, and says, “I think you should resurrect Munson.”

Steve blinks back at him. “What?”

Billy shrugs, busying himself with plucking his lemonade off the cement. The glass is sweating. He spends a long time slurping loudly through the straw, looking up at Steve through his eyelashes, before he pulls away with a smack of his lips and elaborates.

“Resurrection is your specialty, baby,” he says, nudging the glasses down his nose so he can hold Steve’s gaze over them, eyes burning blue. “I think you should add another dead girl to your collection.”

And then he smiles winningly, his teeth white and shiny, and winks.

Favorite dialogue (excerpt):

“You know that he wants you, right?” Xue Yang asks, his voice hot in Song Lan’s ear. He gives Song Lan another slow stroke, kissing the space behind his ear when Song Lan groans. “He does. He wants you so badly. This whole time, I thought that the only reason you weren’t fucking was because you had company, but to find out that you’ve never even—?”

He breaks off with a groan, stroking Song Lan harder, faster.

“Let’s see if he joins us,” Xue Yang hisses, pressing another open-mouthed kiss to the column of Song Lan’s throat. “I think he will.”

“He won’t—” Song Lan starts to say, reeling, dizzy with it, and Xue Yang laughs again, biting this time.

“He will,” Xue Yang breathes. “Won’t you, Xingchen?”

Song Lan inhales sharply when the bed dips, and he gives a hard shudder, bucking into Xue Yang’s grip, unable to help himself. From behind him, he hears Xiao Xingchen make a small noise, something soft and greedy all at once, and suddenly, Song Lan needs to see—

He turns, shoving Xue Yang’s hand away long enough to roll onto his other side.

There’s a smug smirk on Xue Yang’s face, his hair mussed from sleep, pillow creases across one side of his face. He’s visibly hard in his boxers, sheets pushed down to his thighs. And behind him, Xiao Xingchen is perched on the edge of the bed, his eyes bright, interested. He’s damp from the shower, hair curling in damp tendrils over his clavicles, and his pink lips are parted—on a word? A name?

Xue Yang laughs again, rolling onto his back to peer up at Xiao Xingchen, amusement on his face as he raises the hand that was just on Song Lan’s dick towards Xiao Xingchen.

“Want a taste?” Xue Yang asks with a wicked smile, and Song Lan flushes when he realizes that there’s a streak of pre-come on Xue Yang’s hand, smeared along the sharp curve of his wrist, the bend of his thumb.

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes are boring into him, dark and intense, and Song Lan swallows as Xiao Xingchen leans forward and wordlessly seals his mouth around Xue Yang’s wrist.

Song Lan watches, enraptured, as Xiao Xingchen sucks it from Xue Yang’s skin, moving on to suck Xue Yang’s thumb into his mouth when it’s gone from his wrist.

When he pulls back, his lips are red, wet. He turns his head, giving Xue Yang an indulgent smile, and murmurs, “Good boy.”

Xue Yang whimpers, his whole body shivering. As Song Lan watches, he reaches down and palms himself hard, lower lip tucked between his teeth.

“Did you just almost—” Song Lan starts to ask, eyes wide, cutting himself off with a click of his throat when Xue Yang opens his eyes and sends him a poisonous glare.

“Shut up, Zichen,” he hisses, flushing. “We all have hair-triggers.”

.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty,” Eddie murmurs gently, going down to a crouch. Like this, their noses are almost level. Steve can see Billy lurking behind Eddie, looking… something. Confused? Angry? Steve blinks, slow-like, and tips his head until Eddie’s back in his line of vision. Eddie smiles at him. “We lost you there for a bit. You ready for bed?”

Steve smacks his lips, still muzzy, and nods.

Eddie’s grin widens, eyes going inexplicably soft. He turns and calls over his shoulder, “Hey, Hargrove. Help me get his royal highness up to bed, yeah?”

Billy pulls a face, but shockingly does as he’s told with only minor complaint, padding over and getting an arm around Steve’s shoulders.

It’s only as they’re pouring him into bed that Steve thinks to wonder why they can touch him. Eddie is stooped, trying to wrangle the sheets out from under Steve, and Billy is lingering back again now that Steve’s out of his hands, the glow from the hallway haloing him in buttery orange light.

Steve licks his lips, catching Eddie’s wrist as he finally works the sheet out from under him.

Eddie goes still, eyes darting to Steve. They’re wide. Dark. Wet. Pretty eyes. Steve kind of wishes that he’d realized that when Eddie was still alive.

“Hey,” Steve asks, frowning. “Why can you touch me?”

Eddie blinks, his eyes going helplessly to Billy over his shoulder. Billy gives him a jerky little shrug. “I can’t be your afterlife handbook here, Munson. I’ve got no clue.”

Eddie looks back at Steve, his eyes still soft, but there’s something else there now, shifting in their depths. Something thoughtful. Even curious.

“Guess you’re just our little grounding rod, Stevie-boy,” Eddie laughs, ruffling Steve’s hair. When Steve whines at him, he laughs harder.

“Get some sleep, Harrington,” Billy says gruffly from behind him, eyes a gleam of blue in the dark. “Don’t work yourself to death.”

.

Billy grins at him. “Hit me.”

Steve blinks again, harder this time, like that’ll change what the fuck Billy had said. He shakes his head a little, frowning, and says, again, “Wait, what?”

“Okay, fine,” Billy sighs, winding up. “I’ll go first.”

Billy’s always thrown a beautiful punch. He spent his formative years perfecting it after some city-spun leech ripped his throat out in a back alley three blocks from his house. The leech hadn’t expected him to wake up afterwards, and was long gone by the time he had. Billy had coped. He’d learned to protect himself. Learned to be the bigger predator.

So, the punch that he throws at Steve lands perfectly, just under the jaw. Billy watches, damn near giddy, as Steve’s head snaps back, his skull striking the bark behind him hard enough that it cracks, denting inwards in a perfect impression of Steve’s pretty little head.

The punch probably would have taken a normal human’s head clean off, but Steve recovers quickly, jerking his head free of the bark and turning a furious snarl on Billy, his teeth sharp and ready.

“What the hell was that?” he yells, hands clenched into fists at his side.

Billy laughs in his face.

“That was fun,” he says, and hits him again.

This time, Steve gets smart, jerking his head away just in time so that his cheek only takes part of the blow, momentum carrying Billy’s fist forward into the tree instead.

“Are you crazy?” he yells, dodging out of the way when Billy lunges for him again.

“Maybe,” Billy tells him with a sharp cackle, his grin fierce, blood hot. “Want to find out? Come on, Steve. Hit me!”

Steve stops dodging and his face twists, determination and frustration all converging, and he puts his fist up and—

It’s a terrible fucking punch.

Billy snorts, thumbing the blood from his lip.

“That all you got?” he asks, bloody teeth bared, and Steve snarls—

It’s a good fight. Billy’s always liked good fights, ones that he can control, ones that are in his power. He hasn’t been able to cut loose like this since he was turned—a fight like this with a human would be too risky, too easy to kill them on accident. But with Steve? Steve can take his punches. And judging by the manic little grin on Steve’s face, like something deeply primal being sated for the first time in his entire pathetic life, Steve wants to take his punches.

Billy doesn’t know how long they’re at it, but he knows when it ends, his breath going out of him all at once as Steve lets out a furious roar, charging him and getting his arms wrapped around Billy’s waist, bearing him down to the forest floor.

Billy stares up at Steve, suspended above him. He’s heaving for breath that he doesn’t need, sweat on his brow, face flushed red enough that Billy wonders how well he must be eating, with enough blood leftover to flood his cheeks like that—fuck—Billy wants to bite them.

There’s pine needles in his hair, the prickle of them biting through his jacket, and Steve’s body is pressed in tight against his, between his splayed thighs. They’re both hard—Billy can see the moment that Steve realizes that, his cheeks going even redder, his eyes abruptly darkening as he licks his bitten-red lips.

“Yeah, okay,” Billy tells him, arching up against him and gasping open-mouthed when Steve gives a hitching little thrust back. “We can do it this way too.”

“Fuck,” Steve says.

Billy laughs, getting a hold of the back of Steve’s neck and bringing him down. He bites at his mouth, relishing in the little hitch of Steve’s breath, and tells him, voice cocky, “That is the idea.”

Favorite lines (excerpt):

“Billy?” he asks, sounding confused, but not shocked. “What are you doing?”

Oh, Billy thinks, as Steve’s hand closes around his wrist, his eyes concerned. I’m still dying.

“Billy?” he asks again, stepping out of the shower towards Billy, bare-assed and still dripping, hair still thick with lather. “What’s wrong?”

Billy swallows.

Steve Harrington, here, in California.

Steve Harrington, here, in this particular motel. Billy’s shitty little safe haven. He’d split a hastily rolled joint with a hooker in this exact room the morning after he first fucked a boy. She had carefully concealed bruises all up and down her arms and one under her chin to match, but she’d been nice. She hadn’t judged him for crying a little when he’d woken up alone.

And Steve is here, with Billy.

Tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He has a hazy image of Max above him, crying. Blood in his throat, bubbling up and out.

It had hurt, when they tore chunks out of him.

He sniffs.

“Nothing, baby,” he says with a tremulous smile.

When Steve still looks concerned, Billy rolls his eyes, peeling out of his clothes and maneuvering Steve carefully back under the spray. He steps in after him, pretending not to notice the way that the water pooling on the tiles under him runs red.

“It’s okay,” he says, leaning in to seal his mouth over Steve’s pulse point. He closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around Steve’s narrow waist. In response, Steve makes a quiet noise of appreciation, arching into Billy’s touch.

This is, Billy figures, a small comfort.

One last gift before the end.

He doesn’t know if he should say thank you or scream obscenities until the end comes.

Steve makes his mind up for him when he lets out a soft noise, something quiet and almost wounded. What Billy wouldn’t have given to take him here himself. He’d probably be a judgy little bitch about it, making faces at the hookers and the bullet holes, but maybe he’d understand too.

To see Steve in Billy’s home, sun and sand and everything else, it’s enough.

.

Draco finds Potter at the widest point of the river, huddled in the hollow of an old oak tree. He’s up to his knees in water, visibly shivering from ward fever, and looks like, at best, death warmed over. As he gets nearer, Draco can begin to make out other key details. Potter’s glasses are broken, for one, the right lens cracked right down the middle, a spiderweb of smaller cracks branching off in all directions. He’s paler than parchment paper, his skin grey-tinged and clammy, and there’s blood leaking from several orifices.

At least he doesn’t seem to be splinched, Draco thinks, his chest giving a twinge as he settles down next to him.

Potter looks up at him, lashes fluttering against his cheeks. He looks like he’s barely standing.

“I would have thought that I would have read about it in the Prophet if the Chosen One had gone missing,” Draco remarks mildly, carefully setting a bracing hand on Potter’s shoulder. Even through his robes, Draco can tell that he’s burning up. “Guess I must have thought wrong.”

Potter shivers again, tilting his whole body into Draco’s touch. Alarmed, Draco makes a grab for the other shoulder.

Potter attempts a smile, his teeth red with blood. It’s not a very good smile. More of a grimace, really, made all the more horrifying by the blood. Then he opens his mouth and says, his voice slurred, “Hi, Draco.”

“Oh,” Draco says, catching Potter as his knees go out from under him. “Fuck.”

Potter blinks at him, his mouth a smear of red, and says. “Sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“So you came here?” Draco hisses out waspishly, bundling Potter onto his broom. The broom, unsurprisingly, is not proving very cooperative considering the last time Potter was on it, he’d nearly flown it into a tree. Draco swings a leg over the broom behind him and kicks off the ground, trailing icy droplets behind him. “Why?”

Potter shrugs, his teeth chattering, and nestles closer. “Felt safe.”

Draco swallows hard around the knot suddenly in his throat, and for a moment - just a moment - lets himself close his eyes. He breathes in and out slowly for a while, aware of the wind on his face, the damp in his shoes, the weight of the body in his arms.

Safe, Draco thinks. Now that’s a laugh.

“Well,” Draco says in a voice much too wobbly to be sneering, “That was stupid of you.”

“Mm,” Potter murmurs, already half gone. “Maybe.”

The thing about Potter, Draco thinks later, once Potter is safely deposited into Draco’s bed and has had several potions forcefully poured down his throat, is that he’s too good.

Too trusting.

He’s a right twat about some things, sure. He’s got a horrible taste in Quidditch teams, and beer and, in Draco’s opinion, women. He’s got a surprising mean streak under that savior complex, and is actually funny in a dry, unintentional sort of way. The first time that he’d cracked a joke that made Draco laugh, he’d been up all night overthinking it for a week straight, because - was Potter always funny? Or was his humor like an infection? Did it creep up on you slowly? Or was it just there all along?

Draco didn’t know. He didn’t know a lot about Potter, as it turned out, until… he did.

It started at New Year’s. There was a gala. People, reporters, fireworks.

There was also, unfortunately, firewhiskey.

He remembers only snapshots of the night. Finding Potter lurking in the shadows of the fourth floor was one of them. Licking the sweat from his neck later that evening was another. They’d woken up in what Draco later came to realize was Potter’s flat, their legs tangled together in the sheets.

Never again, they’d vowed, green with nausea as they took turns chucking up acid in the loo.

What a cliché, Draco had thought, safely ensconced in the manor later that day. Best now that it was out of his system.

And then… it happened again.

And again.

And somehow, it just kept right on happening, growing like that river. A trickle to a stream, a stream to a brook, a brook to… whatever was spilling over the banks now.

Fic goals:

Write something - anything - at least once a month. The shortest one-shot or the longest novel. January doesn’t count.

[buzzfeedrewind]

Facts that every "Golden Girls" fanatic should know

It's time to learn somethings you might not know about your favorite Miami ladies.

[thank-god-it-is-my-bois]

honestly i don't think there's anything ghost hunters can do to get evidence that will ever be funnier than Ryan Bergara's method of going into Aaron Burr's home and showing off a Hamilton playbill he brought.

[kidsviral-blog]

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons/

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

And they wonder why we’re so screwed up.

1. It’s alright that your boyfriend cheats on you.

Hasbro

Hasbro

  Strangely, Jerrica never seemed to have much of an issue that her boyfriend, Rio, was having an affair with her alter-ego Jem.

2. It’s totally cool to take a controlled substance that gives you crazy energy and causes you to, literally, bounce off the walls.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

Clearly the Gummiberry Juice that the Gummi Bears made was some sort of crazy meth — which might explain why Duke Igthorn really wanted it.

3. It’s perfectly OK to terrorize senior citizens.

Cookie Jar Group

Cookie Jar Group

  Poor retired Mr. Wilson, he just wanted to live a peaceful quite life, but Dennis and his gang felt the need to torment him. And even worse, Dennis’ parents seemed perfectly cool with that.

4. No one ever gets hurt in gun battles.

View this image ›

Hasbro

For as many battles as the G.I. Joe Team got in with Cobra Command, no one ever seemed to get wounded. Maybe the fact that they were such bad marksmen was the reason they could never take down Cobra?

5. You might have a long lost sibling out there that you might want to hook up with.

View this image ›

Warner Bros.

I think it’s safe to say that He-Man and She-Ra were the original Jaime and Cersei Lannister. And don’t act like you didn’t ship it.

6. It’s OK to harm someone as long as you’re doing it because of love.

View this image ›

Via s1100.photobucket.com

Seriously, that Care Bear stare was NO JOKE. The Care Bears might have seemed like cuddly harmless creatures, but they weren’t above taking you down.

7. If a crime happens, you should help solve it.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

The Rescue Rangers were always snooping in on the police and taking on cases that probably should’ve been handled by actual law enforcement — or at least professional rodent law enforcement.

8. It’s perfectly safe to leave toddlers unsupervised for several hours.

View this image ›

Via youtube.com

Like who in the hell was raising all those Muppet Babies?! ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t Nanny — who never seemed to be around.

9. You should love money more than anything else.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Animation / Via giphy.com

Sure, Scrooge McDuck had a rather large extended family, he was even raising his three grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. But what he seemed to care for the most was his vast fortune and his Number One Dime.

10. If you’re the only female in a situation, expect to get harassed, constantly.

View this image ›

Via smurfs.wikia.com

Poor Smurfette, those perpetually horny Smurfs seemed to never give her a second to breathe.

11. It’s normal for a creepy adult to hang out with a teenage girl.

View this image ›

Via randomassaultpodcast.com

A creepy poltergeist adult to be exact. Let’s be honest, Beetlejuice and Lydia’s relationship was clearly a (paranormal) episode of To Catch a Predator waiting to happen.

Also, why weren’t Lydia’s parents just a little more concerned with the fact that she was very obsessed with the occult?

12. Being a super-rich teenager gives you permission to be ruthless and mistreat those who are not as well off as you.

View this image ›

Mill Creek Entertainment

Beverly Hills Teens was perfectly suited for the ’80s, the decade of excess. The show featured rich spoiled teenagers that in between attending high school, spent all their time living a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous wet dream. Of course the show’s true star was Bianca Dupree, who was the series’ resident villain who used her money to scheme against her friends and be cruel to her chauffeur Wilshire.

13. It’s fine to keep secrets from adults.

View this image ›

Via girlonthepark.wordpress.com

Yeah having a dinosaur friend like Denver would be cool, but having it possibly kill one of your friends, not so cool.

But, you know, don’t let your parents know ‘cause they might take your dangerous friend away.

14. You should strive to be irresponsible and constantly stoned.

View this image ›

The Jim Henson Company / Via muppet.wikia.com

Those Fraggles were high-as-fuck 24/7, and they did nothing but lay around, have the munchies, and share in each others trippy dreams.

On second thought, those hippie Fraggles were onto something.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons

[possessed-cryptid]

b*zzfeed unsolved? what’s that? i only know ghost files now

[helloitsvehere]

"What's Unsolved?"

[itsalrightmeow]

Heres a dumb one for today, I just like the idea that Kyle and Danny intentionally keep messing with Wes more and more, and Wes and Kyle have big ghoul boys energy lol