#c: esteem

[ayakamizu]

FFXIV Write 2023 Day 13 - Check

Check: Verb. To make an inquiry, investigation, etc., such as for verification. Characters: Alphinaud Leveilleur, Alisaie Leveilleur, ??? Expansion: Endwalker Rating: G Notes: Takes place sometime post-Endwalker! Spoilers for MSQ are referenced, but otherwise this is just a somewhat spooky encounter the twins have in the middle of the night.

“Gods, my back is killing me,” Alisaie complained, extending her arms up and groaning as the popping feeling she felt in her back. She slouched in her chair, watching her brother comb through the book he was reading. “How long do you plan on staying, brother?”

“Not too much longer,” Alphinaud answered, thumbing the next page. “I just have to finish this last chapter…” He trailed off, humming under his breath. Alisaie rolled her eyes, resting her chin in her hand and staring at her brother.

“Are you going to finish your sentence, or am I going to have to try reading your mind?”

“Huh?” Alphinaud asked, looking up from his book. When her words registered, she could see the light, embarrassed flush on his face. “Oh! Right, well, I was going to say that you can feel free to return to your quarters whenever. I don’t want to keep you from resting.”

“And leave you here, all by yourself, in some dark library?” Alisaie asked, gesturing to the high bookshelves surrounding the pair with narrowed eyes.

“Tis not like these shelves are strangers, dear sister,” he countered. “I remember many nights spent here studying for exams, researching papers…”

“And returning home late to Mother’s fretting,” Alisaie reminded him, giving an exasperated sigh. “Come on, you can put that away and return to it tomorrow at a reasonable hour—”

But before she could finish her sentence, a loud THUD! echoed in the room, causing the pair to jump in their seats.

“What the��!” Alphinaud exclaimed, startled. He nearly fell out of his chair in shock, wildly looking around. Alisaie felt her breath catch, getting up out of her chair and reaching for her rapier, muttering a curse under her breath when she realized she left it in her room.

“...Should we investigate?” Alphinaud probed, slowly getting up out of his own chair and looking towards Alisaie.

“And get ourselves murdered in the middle of the night?”

“I highly doubt something like that will happen. It’s likely just a mammot—”

Alphinaud cut himself off with a high pitched yelp, running over to Alisaie when another, louder noise could be heard. Alisaie made a note to tease him about it later (and perhaps let Ayaka know so she could have a comrade in this endeavor), but for now she focused on the fact that the noise sounded closer than before.

“Alisaie,” Alphinaud hissed, grabbing onto her upper arm with a tight grip. “What do we do?”

“Surely we can go around the other way?” Alisaie suggested, frantically looking for an escape path. She muttered another curse under her breath when she realized their corner of the library only had one way out. “Bloody hell, maybe we deserve this for choosing some dank corner to spend the night in—”

“Don’t say that!”

“Well now, what do we have here?” They heard a voice—a bit deeper, but oddly familiar—say from behind them, causing the pair to screech and jump away. Alisaie brought her arms up into a fighting position, trying to emulate what form she’s seen Lyse and Ayaka take as monks. Behind her, Alphinaud was trying to catch his breath, clenching his shirt tightly. 

“Who's there?!” Alisaie asked, trying to peer into the shadows and having a hard time seeing the other occupant. She didn’t remember the room seeming this dark even minutes ago!

“Oh. Forgive me, I didn’t mean to cause any alarm,” the voice apologized, sounding more sincere than Alisaie would have guessed. Slowly, a figure emerged from the darkness and the twins felt struck with surprise to see an Auri woman—dressed in full armor at that—standing in front of them. Her golden eyes were taking them in, but she made no comment on their defensiveness. “I came here looking for a specific tome and, to my surprise, I wasn’t the only ones here this late at night.”

“T-Tis quite alright,” Alphinaud answered for the two of them, his voice losing the shakiness it gained moments ago. “I hope we didn’t disturb you and your reading…”

“Oh not at all,” the woman said, giving them a reassuring smile (again, something about it felt familiar). “I had just got here when I thought I heard something and decided to investigate…”

“Was it that loud thud?” Alisaie questioned, curious now. “I can promise you that wasn’t us.”

“Yes, it wasn’t,” the woman said confidently. “You needn’t worry. I handled it.”

Somehow that didn’t feel as reassuring as she was sure the woman was hoping it sounded. At least it didn’t to Alisaie, but behind her she felt Alphinaud go more at ease, the grip on her jacket relaxing.

Before Alisaie could say anything, the woman tucked a strand of dark hair behind her horn and turned towards the pile of books the twins had accumulated in their time spent here. She raised a brow at the collection, but must’ve decided not to ask about it if her unconcerned shrug was anything to go by. She did, however, turn her attention back to them and once again Alisaie felt like she was being sized up. “You two should get some rest, it’s rather late. Surely your… parents must be concerned about your wellbeing so late at night.”

Sure, their mother would be worried if she found out they were reliving their Stadium days of spending late nights in the library—especially when they’re supposed to be relaxing now that the Final Days are over. These days, she thinks Ayaka would be the more likely candidate to give them some grief for staying up so late. Alisaie could practically hear their friend’s worried tone as they woke up late for the third day in a row, wondering if they wanted any herbal tea recommendations to help them sleep better at night—

“I can put these books away for you so you can head out of here,” the woman offered, although it sounded less like an offer and more like an order.

“We couldn’t possibly leave you to clean up our mess,” Alphinaud countered quickly. “It’s our responsibility—”

“To get a good night’s rest,” the woman interrupted, a slight smirk on her face. “You both might be young now, but you won’t be able to keep this sort of thing up forever. It’ll cause your body more wear than you think.”

Alisaie groaned, shaking her head. “You sound just like someone we know.”

“Then perhaps you’d ought to listen to your friend, hmm?” The woman teased, shooing them away. “Off you go. I can clean up after you. I’m used to doing things like that.”

“Because you’re a Dark Knight?” Alphinaud asked suddenly, making Alisaie turn to give her brother a funny look. Silently, he gestured to the greatsword strapped to the woman’s back and Alisaie muttered another curse under her breath for not noticing it sooner.

“Quite,” the woman answered. The smile on her face morphed into something more secretive, which was doing awful things for Alisaie’s curiosity. She almost wanted to ask the woman what she meant, but decided against it. “Now go on, you two.”

“Thank you,” Alphinaud said, giving the woman a quick bow in gratitude. “Is there any way we can repay you?”

“Just sleep well and try not to spend late nights alone in a drab corner like this,” the woman answered, sounding serious. A dark look crossed her face for a second and Alisaie was reminded, suddenly, that this woman managed to sneak up on both of them. “You never know what could be lurking in the dark.”

Although they were well aware of what sort of awful things lurked in the shadows (voidsents, bandits, all sorts of evil beasts, and formerly Ascians), neither of them knew what to say to that.

Giving one final bid of gratitude, the pair set off towards the Annex in uncharacteristic silence.

[thepersonalwords]

\“Self-confident people are mindful about spending their time, energy, and interests on things that truly matter.

Susan C. Young, The Art of Being: 8 Ways to Optimize Your Presence & Essence for Positive Impact

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

is that another chipped catra and normal catra parallel i see?

[chiropteracupola]

He’s red and he’s white and he’s green and he’s grey / My bonny young dragon, come hither away...

Keith Windham and Nuntius, out of Luzula's stunning Flight of the Heron/Temeraire crossover fic 'The Flight of Dragons.'

[deadboydetectives-anonmeme]

Edwin/Charles — Relationship changes after Edwin's free from Hell

Post-canon, Edwin gets definitive confirmation from the Afterlife that Hell's claim on him is void and he'll never have to go back. It lifts a huge weight from Edwin, and he becomes a little more patient, more relaxed, nicer.

It's subtle enough that Crystal and Niko don't notice much change, but Charles definitely does. And he misses his fussy, prickly Edwin who needed Charles to smooth over social interactions. (He definitely misses when Edwin was oblivious to people hitting on him.) On Edwin's side, he's always relied on Charles for social help in part because subconsciously it proved to him Charles cared for him. Now that Edwin understands his own feelings (and knows Charles will even go to Hell and back for him) he doesn't need that indirect proof.

Charles, tho, gets more reckless about running at danger to reassure himself that Edwin still needs him for protection if not for social skills, and the team has to intervene and untangle the mess of Charles' feelings for Edwin before Charles does himself real harm.

tl;dr with the threat of Hell removed, Edwin changes in ways that make Charles and Edwin less codependent, and opens the way for Charles' feelings realization.

Fill: None

[waugh-bao]

Mick and Charlie discuss their memories of The Stones’ first show (2012)

[chemdisaster]

i'm thinking about joel's "i am the best i'm the greatest human being to ever walk this earth" persona, and about how often he actually gets complimented by other people. because wouldn't constantly acting like he believes himself to be the pinnacle of humanity make people less likely to say genuine nice things about him? in fact, it'd make him a bigger target for teasing because, well, his head's big enough as it is. and even if it's obvious that it's an act, who, upon hearing someone say something incredibly self-obsessed, agrees with them? teasing them, taking them down a peg is simply the natural response. so i wonder how all of the above would mix with joel's boatload of insecurities that he very clearly has under the surface.

[m4gp13]

Okay time to talk about Al's hero complex and Ethan's martyr complex more in-depth because I love it so much <3

Al's hero complex is pretty obvious. He thinks he's Katniss Everdeen fighting a valiant battle against the Capitol because no one told him he's not the main character. He sees himself and those who agree with him as the Heroes (tm) while any who oppose them are the Villains of Unrivalled Evil because obviously his people wouldn't be fighting them if they were anything less. Al definitely has the overwhelming optimistic approach of a heroic paragon who believes it's impossible for him to fail because he's the good guy and good guys always win (Ladies, Gentlemen and Assorted Genders I would now like to direct your attention to "heroes never die, right?"). Which is how he ended up getting the remainder of his army massacred because he wouldn't accept defeat and pushed them on for a last-ditch attempt at victory. He's willing to sacrifice his people for the greater good, and in this way he and Percy are like the inverse of "Villains will sacrifice the world to save their loved ones, heroes will sacrifice their loved ones to save the world."

Al was the most powerful child of Hecate and as such was chosen to lead the rest of her children into battle. For such a young guy, this probably gave him a sense of grandeur, importance and self-respect which translates well into him seeing himself as the hero of his story. He had Luke and his propaganda to look up to, Mt Othrys to run things from and the Princess Andromeda to help things along, as well as a swarm of younger demigods who saw him as a hero. Now I'm not saying it all got to his head but that is pretty much what I'm saying. There's also Hecate, who is a pretty loving mother all things considered and was helping and supporting Alabaster and her children all the way through the war. With her encouragement exacerbating Al's self-righteousness instead of giving him a reality check, his hero complex could only grow until it made the Al we see in Son of Magic. He has lost everything and has never been in a worse place but he is still so sure of himself and his own moral superiority.

Ethan's martyr complex is a little more subtle but it's there if you're looking. My guy sacrificed his eye to his mother and was A-Okay with the arrangement. He was asked, from a very young age, to go through a lot of short-term physical pain with the result of a long-term disability in order to make a change in the world, which he agreed to. So he already doesn't think too highly of himself which is a great start! His mother uses him as a vehicle for her goals and he is aware of this and consenting to it. He has already relegated his own life as a tool for someone else. And then there's the arena battle in the labyrinth where he was very quick to offer Percy his own head on a platter. He was thinking very pragmatically at the time. He didn't seem to care much about "holy shit I'm going to die" and was instead just thinking "If he kills me then I die but if he spares me then we'll both die 2-1=1 so if we go with the first option then that will be one less death" HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK. His own life is something he can step back from, view in the context of the bigger picture and figure out how detrimental the loss of it would be to everything else going on around him. And then to further prove my point the last thing he ever does in the series is actually martyr himself to stop Kronos from ruining his mother's plans. Way to make it easier for me buddy.

As for how he ended up like this, his mother is fucking Nemesis. A hero complex and a martyr complex run antiparallel to each other with the key difference being that a hero will do whatever it takes to succeed while a martyr is all too happy to throw their life away for The Cause. In the eyes of a young child desperate to please his mother who is known for harshly punishing the prideful and arrogant of the world, being a hero who desires personal success and glory would be far too egotistical, and in order to be a hero his mother would approve of, he must be entirely selfless about it. She would despise anything else.

[ahalliance]

mais jpp le groupe de genre 20 joueurs qui ont tué bbh pac et etoiles a vu le jour à cause de rubius qui leur a dit “je donne 100 subs à la personne qui tue un joueur français”

[ayakamizu]

FFXIV Write 2023 Day 5 - Barbarous

Barbarous: Adjective. Brutal or cruel. Synonym: Heartless. Characters: Ayaka Mizushima (WoL), ??? Expansion: Heavensward Rating: G Notes: Spoilers for Dark Knight level 30-50. Second person POV.

You’re well aware of what she thinks of you.

‘You’re too harsh,’ she would say, panting as she tried catching her breath. She wanted you to go easier on her, but how else would she build up the muscles needed to swing that sword around? Tiny frame like theirs hers would make it harder.

You won’t go easy on her. She needs a firmer hand if she’s going to survive this world—one that would consume her until she has nothing left. You won’t let it come to that, of course, but it would be easier if you both could quit this place…

‘They need help, too,’ she would argue with a worried look on her face as she took in the twisting spires of Ishgard. Of course, “they” didn’t necessarily mean just Ishgard. Even after everything that happened in Ul’dah, she still wanted to help at the cost of her bleeding heart—

“We should have let them drown in Leviathan's rage!”

“Are you really that heartless?!”

Maybe you were, but you could care less about these Eorzeans and their petty squabbles if it meant taking care of her. She mattered more than anything on this bloody continent.

If that made you heartless, then so be it. Better to be the brutish shield defending her their heart if it meant making out of all this alive.

She’d appreciate it one day.

[thepersonalwords]

Become your own best friend—smile and say “I love you” to yourself occasionally.

Susan C. Young, The Art of Being: 8 Ways to Optimize Your Presence & Essence for Positive Impact

[liminally-spaced]

[chiropteracupola]

spooky scary sleepover

[moth and compass is a collaboration with @natdrinkstea]

[unladielike]

Is there ways of her to boost her own self confidence?

       UNPROMPTED ASKS. » always accepting!

Well... Vivian was the sort of girl who constantly had her appearance made fun of/ridiculed/criticized by her mother and relatives at family gatherings, so while it didn't end up giving her an eating disorder, it did impact her enough, that she still has major self esteem issues to this day. It also doesn't help that the guys she had been attracted to growing up didn't view her in that particular light, meaning she's used to thinking of herself as a 4 or 5 out of 10 stars.

These days, however, Vivian isn't exactly interested in beautifying herself. Like, she would still do the bare minimum in maintaining her hygiene (taking showers, shaving armpits, trimming pubic hair with scissors, brushing teeth, etc) and would feed or clothe herself if necessary, but she doesn't really brush her hair or feel the need to focus on her appearance, so if it weren't for the fact her mother routinely washes her clothes, she would be wearing the same outfit for weeks on end. Due to this being the case, it would either take only 10 minutes for her to officially get ready or an hour because the task of deciding what to wear is overwhelming for her due to the fact she has to factor in things like weather and right weight/material because depending on how hot/cold it is, certain fabrics would not feel right on her body.

Either way, there's probably nothing Vivian could personally do to make herself more confident... outside of maybe dying her hair white or blue, which while not succeeding in getting her to believe she's hot, it would at the very least make her feel less ugly, to the point where she can actually stand looking at herself in the mirror (with instances where she's having mirror sex with a man being the only exception, but this exception really has more to do with the humiliation/taboo-ness of seeing herself get railed rather than her liking her appearance). Then again, she also worries about her mother throwing a fit, hence why she hasn't yet decided to do so.

Honestly, now that I think about it more, a conventionally attractive person suddenly deciding to go for her might also help, but I guess in Kai's case, Vivian figures girls are all the same to him and would conclude it doesn't matter if she was ugly or cute because he would probably fuck anything that had a hole in it... so I guess the conventionally attractive person has to be someone who would constantly reject others and has high enough standards for her to go, 'Oh, I must at least be a little bit cute if this conventionally attractive person managed to fall for me/find me of all people hot!'

Another option, I guess, is if Vivian decided to be a rental girlfriend, only to get a surprising amount of people hiring her, but at the same time, I doubt she would really go for that job due to the fact she doesn't believe herself to be good looking enough. Like, someone has to encourage her to apply, and even then, she wouldn't expect anyone to seriously go for her, that the moment she first gets picked, she would lowkey freak out and be all, 'Holy shit, what do I do? What do I wear? Okay, calm down, Vivian... first, you should probably do some research on this person... and then remember to brush your hair! Yeah, can't forget to do that since you'll be going on a date.'

@mannequinentity

[deadboydetectives-anonmeme]

Edwin/Charles — Charles gets cursed with a truth spell

Charles gets cursed with a truth serum + lack of inhibitions somehow, so whatever he thinks just comes tumbling out of his mouth.

And maybe parts of it are sweet (unintended love confession, maybe?) but a lot of it is heartbreaking, because all those self-deprecating thoughts he's usually so good at hiding tumble right out into the open. Edwin realizes exactly how little he thinks of himself, and has to reassure Charles that he's none of the things he's afraid he is.

Fill: None

[aachria]

i would just really like to tell you that im so addicted to this book, my mom knows everything thats happened in it- and somehow because i talk to her about sssbmty so much ive gotten out of a punishment because she knows its updating sometime tomorrow... like shes AWARE of how addicted i am that shes willing to ignore the fact i got a C in history and not ground me for a week because she knows ur updating tomorrow.... it is THE funniest thing to me right now and i thought id share 😝🫶 anyways cant wait for the next chapter i hope ur randomly struck with an insane amount of writing inspiration this week and ur my favorite ao3 author ever !!

First off; that is fucking hilarious and I 10/10 support y’all using me and the fic as a tool to escape punishment. Do that, it’s funny.

Second; I told all my friends about this because I think it’s the height of my achievements so far.

Third; I nearly failed history and getting a C is not that bad. (<- person who cried and had a mental breakdown after getting a C in grade 6.)

And finally; YOU DID THIS TO ME BUT AT WHAT COST????? I WAS UP UNTIL 4 AM YESTERDAY AND WROTE 2/3 OF A CHAPTER IN ONE SITTING. I DIDN’T GO TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. (That’s mostly because I’m having the worst period cramps of my life but whatever.) YOU’VE INSPIRED ME, AND IN DOING SO DOOMED ME TO LIMBO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

(Jk I’m not blaming you I’m just Like This lmao.)