#called my uni friend after and I’m so grateful for her she keeps me sane 😭

[asmallcafethatslove]

I miss jenna marbles so much 😭

[harryxmac]

✨💘🌙MOON&BACK🌙💘✨ Chapter Two

MOON&BACK Homepage

in which Luna has more to do, and Harry comes in touch with his feelings more.

warnings: mentions of smut

Luna knew that at this moment in time, she soley needed to focus on keeping Ruby occupied. Knowing the inquisitive little girl that Ruby was she knew that shouldn’t stop asking until she knew what was wrong with Harry, unless she was distracted. 

So after her Twix Luna had suggested that they went to the park within their neighbourhood. Of course, the five year old girl was overjoyed to go to such a place which left Luna relieved. She had no idea what was up with Harry, let alone explain it to his five year old.

Luna thinks that part of the reason her and Ruby gel so well is that she is just as much as a kid as she is. Luna was always the first to follow her down the slide, or sit next to her on the swing, pretend to swing her super high or go fast on the roundabout. Luna soon learnt that your energy often projected onto those around you, especially five year olds. Ruby was always looking at Luna to see how she reacted and often followed suit.

On the walk back, Ruby skipped happily towards her home, seeing a song from Coco. 

“Lulu”

“Yeah?”

“Daddy was crying in his room wasn’t he”

There was no use in lying to her.

“Yeah, I think he was”

“Is he mad at me?”

“Of course not! Maybe one of his suits got ruined or something, you know how Daddy is about his suits” Luna chuckled. She couldn’t bear the thought of Ruby thinking it was her fault that Harry was crying. And she was certain that she wasn't

“Daddy does love his suits.” She observed.

“I’m going to wear a suit one day. Be important. Just like my Daddy,” she added.

“I have no doubt that you won’t, Ruru”

Luna was such a sucker for Harry in his suits. He always looked so stern, professional and poised. Luna couldn’t help but find herself attracted to him. What sane woman wouldn’t?

Walking into the Styles family home, the vibe was definitely off. Fenn’s car was on the drive, yet there was no fleeting mother running to the door to say hello.

“We’re home!” Luna called cheerfully.

They found Harry in the kitchen. The sides were all set up with cheese, sauce, pineapple, ham and onion. 

“Thought we’d make our own pizza’s!” Harry smiles.

Luna was dumbfounded by Harry’s cheeriness after finding him crying in his room not less than two hours ago. To see this kind of Harry in front of her was almost a shock.

Nethertheless, Ruby couldn’t care a bit, running towards her Daddy, who was dressed more casually than normal, joggers, a thin t-shirt clearly overworn as the Rolling Stones print began to fade. 

It was almost like the little girl had forgotten about her father crying not long ago, pizza clouding her mind. 

“Staying, love?” Harry asked.

Luna felt like she couldn’t move and that her feet were secured to the ground.

“I-um, I have to go,” Luna replied. She had already worked some extra hours today and had a pile of school work upon her desk.

“Please Lulu?” Ruby pleaded.

“I have school work, Ru. I’ll see you tomorrow though, after school?” Luna compromised. 

Luna began walking towards the door, slipping on her shoes. The energy was too strange, even if she wanted to stay. 

Grabbing her purse she slung it over her shoulder. As she began to open the front door, Harry stopped her.

“Love, just a minute.” He ran, making Luna pause.

Harry looked visibly uncomfortable as he scratched his neck and looked at his feet.

“M’ gonna need a little more help for the minute. How would yeh feel about taking her to school of a mornin’ for meh?” He asked. 

“I mean, I have uni, but I’m sure I can do it, it's on my way” 

“I’ll pay you more obviously.”

“You already do enough, it's fine, no bother really.”

“No, I insist.” He adjusted his joggers, looking at her staring in his doorway.

Harry felt his cock twitch at the sight of his babysitter, essentially nanny. Luna wore this cute summer dress that fell just above the knee paired with cute sandals. 

It wasn’t her outfit that did it for Harry though, it was her mid-length hair that was naturally a little curly, sometimes a little unruly on days where she was stressed. And it was her bare face that did it. She was naturally a beauty, he knew she often didn’t see it. When Fenn complimented her she’d always blush and say she didn’t have makeup on. 

Harry thought she was beautiful. Her eyes were green, just like his own, her hair a brunette colour, daring to be just that little brighter on sunnier days. Eyelashes brushed against the tops of her cheeks which blushed red at the slight compliment or fascination. 

Harry’s mind wandered to the tops of her lips which sat in a tight smile as she tried to excuse herself. Recognising he had left her in an uncomfortable position he excused her and bid her goodnight.

It was later that night, wife nowhere to be seen, far away from him and his dripping cock that he decided to touch himself. Semi-hard, his cock sat heavy in hand as he rubbed his thumb over his tip.

Harry was grateful that Ruby had gone to bed easily that night, not waking up once since he put her to bed five hours ago.

Harry’s head tilted towards his headboard as he twisted his cock in his hands. All he could think about was her smile, her lips. Harry was positive that she had the most perfect lips, they weren’t massive, not even touched by an ounce of botox, naturally a little plump and just perfect.

He thought about her lips wrapped around his cock as his tip flushed red, pushing for release. Her lips would gently wrap around them, suckling at his tip, tasting his precum. She’d definitely moan a little and savour the salty taste.

God he needed this.

Thoughts clouded his mind of him and her doing the dirty within these four walls. Her cunt right and warm leaving him stopping wet and coated in her shiny coat of wetness.

Fuck.

He couldn’t help but think about her wrapping her cunt around him, twisting each and every way. She’d be begging, pleading for him to let her cum. He’d eventually let her cum, after teasing her clit so long she was thrashing slightly. She would have some angelic eyes staring at him, coaching him to cum.

After a few tugs and guilty thoughts later, he came all over his tummy.

The only thing that came after it was a guilty conscious that he had just wanked over his babysitter. 

♡☾

Harry had just finished cleaning himself in his ensuite when he finally laid down in bed. Staring at his wife’s empty spot, he felt nothing much anger and resentment for the woman.

How can she leave her daughter? Their perfect perfect daughter.

Harry had felt that something was quite right within their marriage for the past year or so, but to leave?

If she’s punishing him, she’s just punishing their daughter.

Harry’s mind begins to think about how guilty he could feel if he had done this to Ruby.

Harry’s startled when his door opens slightly and a small silliohite fills the crack.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, bug?”

“Can I get in your bed?”

Harry nodded, becoming for her to come in, moving the duvet so she could slip in.

“Yeh got blankey?” He asked.

Ruby held the blankey in her arms to show how. The blanket that he had bought her before she was born, and she had slept with it every night since. 

Ruby moved Harry’s arm so that she had room to snuggle against his chest and or him to wrap his arm around her.

She held her blankey tight in her hand, pulling it slightly for more, she raised it to her cheek, gently stroking in order to provide comfort.

Harry believed this to be the cutest thing he had ever seen and despite the lack of his wife, allowed himself to feel content.

“Daddy, can you sing me a song that you and Uncle Niall used to sing?”

Harry smiled at his daughter trying to reference his One Direction days. 

He pulled his daughter in tighter as he moved his hand to hers, gently stroking the small of her hand with his thumb.

“I love you, bug”

“Love you Daddy. Sing!” She encouraged me.

“Alrigh’ Alrigh’”

“Cause nobody knows you, baby, the way I do”

Harry felt his heart soar with love as her lashes fluttered as she battled to keep herself awake. He continued to rub small circles and sing to the little girl cradling him.

She was so tired today, all thanks to Luna. He begins to think that he would have handled the situation if Luna hadn't taken her to the park.

He suddenly became well aware of how he hadn’t informed Luna. He hadn’t told anyone in his defence. How could he?

Businessmen to Friends to Colleagues. How was he going to explain this one?

He knew one thing for sure and it was that he couldn’t do this without Luna.

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taglist: @vilintiniti @harryspirate @kitykatnumber

[mammawolff]

I'm going to apologize now for what might turn into a long post, as I can't remember how to do a read more on mobile. So. It's once again Bell Let's Talk day. Now I realize that maybe, last year I was in a better position mentally, financially, and healthier than I am right now. But, that's the thing about mental illness. It's a daily battle. So. Let's talk. I don't think I've ever actually told anyone my full story. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety when I was eight. This was a very poor time in my life. I was in the office of my school every day, for one reason or another. Funny thing about schools. They all claim to be against bullying, but they only notice the physical aspect. A rotund child defending herself against verbal attacks? Clearly she's the bully. Unfortunately, I grew accustomed to being anxious around figures of authority because of these childhood encounters. I'd stop trying to defend my actions to these adults who weren't listening, and instead clam up and cry. And clearly, crying means I feel guilty and therefore I'm the attacker. Yeah. My school was pretty fucky. Add onto that it's small town, uni-religious, and fairly cult-ish in their actions. My family, having just moved there with no family established, got the brunt end of a lot of attacks. Weird ass elitism at its finest. Anyways. During this time my home life was pretty shit, too. My parents divorced when I was four, and we moved to this town two days before my fifth birthday. My mum was determined to cut our father out of our lives, so we didn't actually get to see him until I was 6, almost 7. Also pretty fucky. My mum wasn't the greatest mother around. Yes, she put a roof over our heads and fed us, but she was very quick to attack us verbally & physically, and if she thought we were lying about something she'd beat us til we told her what she wanted to hear. So, my dad became somewhat of a god in my eyes. Guardian angel, shelter from the storm, something unattainable for a very long time(to 5, 6, 7 year old me. A year and a half ish is a very long time for a kid). Eventually, he was able to take us every weekend. He bounced from house to house, job to job, but he provided what little child support he could spare and he always made sure to have a house with at least two bedrooms, so we'd always have a place. I tried so often to tell him what the combination of mum & school were doing to my tiny brain and body, but I never had any idea what abuse was, as a definition. I was terrified what mum might do if she found out I tattled. She'd already kept us all away from dad for so long, how long could she do that again? So I stayed silent. When I was 8, I met with my school's guidance counsellor. I had only a handful of friends who weren't terrified of me(I grew tall and wide pretty fast), my grades were shit(even for elementary school), and I was always late. Not to mention those daily visits to the principal's office. He's the one who prompted mum to take me in, see if all this stress had caused something to fuck up in my brain. Spoiler alert; it did. So, I was put on Anti-D medication. Anti-A's didn't come into play until later. Unfortunately, my body apparently absorbed and adjusts to new medication very, very quickly. By the time I was 10 I was taking handfuls of pills morning, noon, and night, just to maintain this facade of normalcy. Unfortunately, the bullying and abuse was continuing. My grades didn't superbly improve, my school behaviour issues barely subsided. But, the pills continued. I couldn't even tell you what they were or what they did. Mum took care of all that. But, I can tell you one thing, my short term memory problems started when the drugs did. I know it's too late for me now, but man I'm still kinda pissed at past me for not speaking up. Grade five was a shift for me. Negatively. I had a highly abusive teacher, bullying was at an all-time high and three of my friends deemed me too weird/sketchy/uncool to play with any more. My dad had to move into a townhouse and out of the farmhouses he'd been occupying for years. He had to get rid of the dog(Sonia) who'd been my best friend for well over a year. Soon after, we had to get rid of Queen(cookie), a dog we'd gotten from my friend's dog's second litter. I couldn't go riding any more(we kept my dad's landlord's horses and cows on the property), and I could no longer help on the farm. My weekend salvation was at an end. About the only freedom I had left was if dad took me flying. I made him take me up for hours, some weekends. I remember bawling on my morning walks to school with my friends, because I hated my life so much. My mum made the doctor ease up my prescriptions(a good thing, honestly), but she didn't ease up the abuse. Neither did my teacher, or the bullies, and I no longer had my beloved animals to keep me sane. I mean, we had Taffy, but she was always Brad's dog. One morning there was a speeding car who I knew couldn't see us down the road. I think my friends knew exactly what I was thinking because they stopped and just hugged me until the car passed us. I was 11 and suicidal. To help me transition off the farm, dad bought me riding lessons from a local Parelli instructor. These helped. I finally had some sort of release again, and best of all I could ride throughout the week, not just the weekends. These ended too. My instructor's lease of the land eventually ran out, and an oil company came in and bought the land. I was 13 when this happened. Still being forced to take drugs, and go to a psychiatrist (who broke client confidentiality so I stopped going and mum stopped paying). When I was 12 I found Wicca, and started turning away from the Church I'd been raised and baptised into. By the time I was 15 I'd fully turned away but still went, to appease my dad. Anyways. I started riding with another instructor and when I was 15 suffered a very traumatic fall, that screwed me up mentally, and I couldn't bring myself to get back on a horse until just last year when I was 20. Amazing what happens when your hormone levels mostly balance out eh? I was still kind of suicidal throughout all of this. Nothing that I would act on, but I kept thinking, "if I were to die, it wouldn't be so bad." I moved in with my dad when I was 15. I was sick of mum's bullshit, we fought violently every day. She'd already kicked my favourite brother out of the house, my sister was almost as bad as she was(she's 9 years older than me and to this day acts like I'm still 10 years old. We've never been close). A plethora of reasons. Mostly being, I was tired of her verbal and mental attacks. The physical stuff mostly ended once I hit 5'7". Definitely didn't happen after I was 5'10". I moved in with dad, quit my prescriptions, came out to him as pagan, then promptly fell in line and went back to church(which I'd quit at mum's) in order to protect myself. He would kick me out if I so much as lit a candle. So, I practiced in secret. My gods were(and are) very understanding and very supportive. Dad's God did not want me in His church, but tolerated me. This was pretty dark time. Me moving in with dad dredged up more custody battle bullshit. But, my relationship with my mum started to get better, sort of. I'm 21 now and we're only just on good speaking terms for more than 48 hours at a time. Then I got Angel. She was pretty much perfect as a puppy. House training was kind of difficult, she proved herself a friggen genius with the turkey incident, but she was mine. She knows exactly what I want, how I'm feeling, what I'm going to ask of her. She's perfect. (Cherub's a rotten little shit but she's still just a puppy and I haven't found the right job for her just yet.) Then, four of my newfound friends died. Car accident. I know I've recounted this story many times so I'll spare the details. But this threw me into a massive identity crisis. They didn't know the real me before they died. Danae looked up to me as a role model, and she didn't know I wasn't Mormon. I was pagan. I had to tell everyone. That Christmas (time ish), I came out of the broom closet again. Only this time to everyone. My "Mormon Moms," as I called them, insisted I was still me and they still loved me. The less accepting wanted to ban me from the graveyard. I still get hassled from their families, if they see me going down. But, a certain member of the community stood up for me. I'll be grateful to him forever. My dad was confused and hurt, but so long as I kept going to church he'd let me stay. Mum still insists it's a phase. I started going back to my hometown for school (only ten minutes away), and connected with my friends again. Then my paternal grandpa died. I never got the chance to say goodbye. Not even a funeral. He visited me, and my aunt and my cousin, but that still hit me extra hard, as it wasn't even 10 days after the 1 year anniversary of the accident. I started to slip again, fast. Dad got a job out east and had left me to move the rest of our things into storage, and I moved back in with mum. This is when I discovered I get severe depression when I have to move. Yay. I discovered my car's engine will cut out once I get to 198km. There is a stretch of road between the two towns that is very long, and very straight, with a sudden swerve to the right and a very steep drop in the road into a gulley. I convinced myself if I could get to 200km before that swerve, I would let my car fly off the cliff. I watched the needle drop closer to the speedometer's limit, noting exactly when the engine cut. I tapped the brakes, and got my car under control before the turn. Cursed myself for being a chicken, then for being so stupid. Angel needed me, if no one else. Half-assed suicide attempt no. 2. School sucked, but for some odd reason my childhood bullies apologized to me and tried to make amends. I accepted and we moved on. Mostly. I guess. Throughout all of this my depression was(and has been) a heavy weight on my shoulders. A darkness at the edge of my vision. Pretty much the only thing that truly lifted that lifted that was Anna. Though I had found new friends on the internet through dA and the ridgearound(love you guys), it was never really at bay. She was really, really, REALLY the only thing that brought true sunlight into my life. The day she was born I cried tears of joy, and thought she was the most perfect creature ever. I still do. She is beautiful. Graduation year brought me Anna, a boyfriend who turned out to be creepy and manipulative and abusive, and the start of my cutting addiction. I fucked up a few months ago. Before that it had been years. More fights with mum. Robin Williams passed and I lost hope for a few months. That was not a good time. He was always a role model to me, because even as a kid I knew what battles he was going through. He made me laugh when no one else could. He showed me that even with my shitty brain, I could be successful. I could fight this. Then he killed himself. I finally moved to Ponoka. Pretended to be an adult. Got cherub. Changed jobs. Found(ed) a coven. Lost Dee, and Anna. She's alive, don't worry. But she's no longer in my life. The horses helped so, so much with my depression. I refuse(d) medication because I can manage my condition, usually. Unfortunately that job ended in part because the mental stress had brought on my depression full force, and even my boss noticed I wasn't happy. So I left and started my MT course, where I am now even broker than usual, even more stressed than usual, and even more depressed than usual. This isn't even every aspect of my depression but it's the main points. Throughout this now 11 year journey, my depression and my anxiety have been with me. They've changed and grown and forced me to change and grow as well. I often wonder how different things would have been had I not refused meds so (relatively) early on. Too late now. But, my point is, I'm still here. I'm still fighting. My survival tactics have changed. When I was 11, what stopped me so many times was "tomorrow is another day" and "what will tomorrow bring?" Now, it's just sheer stubbornness. I'm going to finish my MT, I'm going to get out of debt and I'm going to flee into the middle of the prairies with my dogs and my reptiles and get myself a horse and a plane and I will never step foot in a city again. Just watch me. It doesn't get better. That slogan has never rang true with me. It just changes. You change, and your illness changes as well. But I guess, in some ways, it does get easier. You force yourself to see in colour, to take the bad in every situation and go "at least it isn't _____." And every now and again, you look back at your eight year old self and allow her to cry, because sometimes you need to.

[rantingisabadhabitbutwhatev]

June 21, 2018

So I never came back and continued my post from earlier this year. Long story short, I'm in a much better place now.

Last term I was really sad. Like really sad. I don't want to say depressed because I believe that word should be reserved to the actual mental illness, but if there was a word like depression, it would probably accurately represent my state of mind last term. Until last term, I didn't realize how much my social relationships impacted my mental health which in turn impacted my academic performance. Last term, I didn't make any friends except Jessica near the end of term. She was what got me through the term. I sat on that stupid bench in LSK and cried that day when I read the article about commuter students and the disconnect. Because every god damned word hit so close to home. That was when I knew I had hit a new low. I could barely bring myself to do any of my homework. Going to class was a chore that I forced myself to survive through and get our as quick as I could. Without friends to bring me up and keep me sane, I wilted. For so long, I had had Shivani by my side and I never realized how much she helped me get through. I thought I was ok to be a loner for a bit, it's not like I've ever wanted to be the center of attention or anything. But I was wrong. If i hadn't had Jessica through the last little bit of the term, my grades probably would have crashed more than they already did. I'm so grateful for her cause she pulled me out of the depressive slump I had found myself in.

The good thing about that though is that I'm way more self aware than before I started first year. I know now that I need to have time for friends and a social life or I'm going to crumble. I know now that I just need a good friend to lean on, even just for a bit. I know now that I can't balance all the things I thought I could balance. I know I need to have time to recharge away from school or I'll burn myself out. These are all things that will help me through second year.

Speaking of second year, ive ended up applying for biotechnology first, biology second and biochemistry third. Tomororw (well technically today since it's 2am right now) is when people start to hear back about their majors. If I get into biotech, I'm moving to BCIT for 2 years. If not, I'm moving closer to ubc so the commute doesn't kill me again. My registration time is 12:40 on the first day if that happebs zo I'm im in not too bad of a position to make a decent schedule for next year. However, I don't want to have to. Mostly because of Sean.

Sometimes its so surprising how fast life can change. Sean is a perfect example of that. It was only at the end of April that I decided to stop taking birth control because there was no boy on the horizon and I had given up on uni being a way to find one. But then Sean gets hired at LD. He's a bit odd at first, but that may have been first few shift jitters. We start to click better and it becomes more and more fun to close with him. One night right at the end of my exam season, I give him my number while I'm going on break in case he needs me. He calls me back 20 minutes later (on his cell i might point out, not the company phone) and I help whatever customer it was. But that night he also texts me. We text for anfew days and he invites me to hang out to celebrate the end of my exam season. I accept. We end up going out for sushi and sitting and talking for the next 3 hours straight. It was amazing. And the pattern continues. We talk everyday. We hang out again. And then again. Soon we're hanging out and seeing each other 3/4 times a week with shared work shifts included. We never touch but we become close friends really fast. We spend hours together just talking about everything and anything. We spend time in parks, on the seawall, in more parks, just talking. I meet his mom when I go over for dinner. He meets my mom the week later. We're still only just friends. At this point, I'm pretty much head over heels for him. But I'm unsure of his feelings due to his lack of apparent interest beyond friendship. Around the same time, I've become much closer with Tristam again. We go on a roadtrip together. We watch a movie cuddled up together. Then that Friday night, Tristam and I hook up after cuddling half naked listening to music. He eats me out and teases me about my kissing skills. He wants me to come over again, but I sidestep him neatly. On Monday (June 4th), Sean and I hang out and pass out in his bed and he finally makes his move and pulls me into him to cuddle. We have a tickle fight when we finally make it to my house. The next time we crash at my house on Thursday (June 7th), we kiss after playfighting some more. Saturday (june 9th) morning before our shifts at work, I go over to his house and we end up getting sexual, he eats me out. I soak his bed and only feel kinda bad about it 😂. Monday (June 11th), i go over to his house after school and blow him. Gag reflexes are such a bitch, holy shit. And we haven't seen each other in a week and a half now. But we've been talking. I got him talking about his kinks. We've been sending each other hearts and shit. He's been super sweet and poetic every day. Tonight he got super drunk and all he talked about was about how much he missed me. I miss him. We haven't had the official relationship talk, but we're there. I pretty much have a boyfriend. Idk how I managed it, but I'm happy. Really happy now.