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alotsgonnachange · 4 years

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Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

#Saeran Choi #Saeran AE #Saeran after ending #Saeran AE spoilers #Mystic messenger #Mysme #Saeran after ending spoilers #mystic messenger spoilers

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oftheredmoon · 4 years

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my abuser abused me. after 10 years i broke my silence and told my childhood friend. i didnt want justice or anything bc i didnt want to destroy my family, i just wanted to confide in my closest friend. she immediately ran around town and told everyone. 2 years later, i found out random people knew about my trauma and were threatening my abuser as well as on the verge of involving my family. so i lied. and said i lied about the abuse. a lot of people in town hate me. ex-childhood friend hates me and victimizes herself; everyone takes her side. my abuser hates me and rather than be grateful that i took one for the team (since we both know what he did) he uses it against me. tells me he hates me because “you know what you did” on party chat in front of the handful of people who still speak to me.

i can never confide in anyone about this due to cultural reasons. i’m stuck living in a looped hell. people think im some mentally ill wacko who went off the deep end and tried to drag innocent people down with me. i dont do drugs. i dont drink. i dont have an escape. i dont have friends anymore. suicide is not an option. confiding in people is no longer an option. coping mechanisms dont work anymore. self-harm never worked and just made me feel stupid. moving out/running away is not an option. therapy didnt help, neither did meds.

i think the most painful thing is the blatant fact that i will never truly be happy.

i’m expected to get married and have children. i want to get married and have children. but how am i supposed to let my husband lay a finger on me without screaming and crying? how am i supposed to explain that the reason i breakdown everytime he compliments me is because nobody has ever paid attention to me before? how am i supposed to be a good wife and have a good job when im completely talentless and stupid because i spent my whole childhood in a locked room neglected? how am i supposed to a healthy partner when the very thought of him becoming slightly annoyed with me or ignoring me is enough to send me into a psychotic breakdown? how am i supposed to explain why im so mentally ill? why i have psychosis, ptsd, depression, anxiety, adhd, and borderline personality disorder. why im constantly dissociating. how am i supposed to explain why im so physically ill? my heart, my blood sugar, my ulcers, the migraines, the potential cysts, crohns disease, the fact that i can hardly eat without throwing up, the fact that my body has dealt with so much stress that its already giving up at 20 years old. i could keep going, but i wont.

its getting hard to feel anything anymore. i’m no longer in touch with reality. when i try to think about myself my appearance, my name and all the things that once defined me do not come up. im hardly human at this point. i wake up, eat, stare at the wall for 8 hours, eat again, maybe do some homework, and play xbox for a few hours before my abuser inevitably makes a comment and i get triggered and leave before i breakdown in front of everyone.

“just tell ur future husband!!” cant, its not that simple, im not from the west.

“find a supportive/understanding man!!” see above plus: no man is going to put up with a complete emotional trainwreck who can hardly function: thats a receipe for creating a cheater.

“find a friend group that your abuser doesnt hang out with!!” cant, everyone hates me, this friend group is the most successful one ive ever had, im scared of making new bonds, theyll all leave eventually.

“make online friends!!” i have very negative experiences with online friends, id rather not.

“seek professional help!!” already tried, didnt work, they would call the cops if they knew half the shit that happened to me, therapy is not the solution to everything.

“why did u say u lied in the first place...?” bc my abuser going to jail/being confronted by all of this wouldve destroyed my family. i couldnt let that happen.

“why did u expect ur abuser to be understanding and grateful..? they’re an abuser lol...” bc after the whole thing blew up and everyone hated me, we had a mutual agreement and understanding to make it water under the bridge in order to protect our family. guess i was wrong to think he cared about them.

“what do u want me to say then lol... ur not willing to help urself” i cant help myself. “my hands are tied” is the biggest understatement of the century.

this post is not to find my cure. i didnt make this post because i want people in my dms showing me that they’re concerned.

if ur concerned about me harming myself, dont be. you have my 100% guarantee that i will not self-harm or attempt suicide. i gave up on that years ago.

this post is to vent.

this post is for people who are in similar situations as me. people who cant find a way out. people who cant turn to escapes such as drugs. people who protect their abuser whether out of love or for the sake of others.

you’re not the only one. i understand. i know. its hard. you’re drowning. no one will grab your hand no matter how much you reach out. in the rare cases that someone does come you pull away. you’ve lost the best years of your life to trauma and mental illness. it feels like theres no point. nothing helps. nothing works. you’re practically a zombie. you often trigger yourself to cope. you just want the pain to end. you dont want to feel anymore. you want to feel something. you dont want to remember. you want to be loved. you want a sign that you belong here. you want to enjoy life. you want to die. you’re afraid of living but you’re afraid of death.

i’m so sorry you’re hurt. i hope you find peace and salvation in a safe manner. i hope you heal and enjoy life to the fullest.

dont really know how to end this. i hope we’ll all be okay. i hope everyone whos been traumatized can find peace on earth. i hope breathing can start to feel a little easier. sorry this is so long. take care of yourselves.

#depression #traumacore #ventcore #Ptsd #Suicidal thoughts #depressing thoughts #venting #abuse #child abuse #anxiety #bpd #adhd #Suicide #borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #Self harm #personal

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akechicrimes · 5 years

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I'm a brand new goroboy and have questions if you don't mind answering any of them 1. Was everything that Akechi said about the PTs being unjust a part of his detective act or did he really believe that changing hearts was bad prior to the engine room? 2. When did he first suspect the PTs? Did he figure them out immediately at the TV station or did he just become interested in Joker cuz he's gay and figured it out afterwards lol. Basically who sussed who out first? (1/2)

hello welcome!!!!!! we are happy to have u!!!!!!!!

unfortunately we dont have concrete answers to a lot of these, but i will do my best!!!! these are some really excellent questions so i want to do them justice. and by do them justice, i mean theyre under a cut because it got really long lmfao.

thanks for the ask–this was really fun to write, instead of doing literally any of the work that i was supposed to.

1. Was everything that Akechi said about the PTs being unjust a part of his detective act or did he really believe that changing hearts was bad prior to the engine room?

SHORT ANSWER: we don’t know.

SLIGHTLY LONGER ANSWER: we can’t say for sure but there’s strong evidence that he was probably telling the truth, actually.

VERY LONG ANSWER: there’s strong evidence he both is and isn’t telling the truth in the TV studio scene, but with the qualifiers that (1) he never necessarily says theyre unjust, he says they’re dangerous. (2) he probably thinks the phantom thieves change hearts in the same way that he makes people go psychotic. (3) his sense of justice is basically entirely based on righting wrongs that have been committed against individuals, not what the law says. (also, when i say “individuals,” i mean himself.)

to the extent that he’s lying–he does say that they’re operating outside the law, and that they have unknown and apparently very effective power that cannot be stopped by traditional law enforcement. traditional justice says that if you operate outside the law, that makes you automatically bad. akechi is playing the part of someone who’s lawful good, so when he says, “they’re dangerous and operating outside the law,” he has to say, “that makes them unjust.”

to the extent that he’s telling the truth, that’s basically everything else he says. i do think those viewpoints are his own for a lot of reasons.

when he talks about the changes of heart, he makes it sound like it’s a thing that could just happen to anyone–even people who’ve done no wrong. when akira voices support for the PT, akechi argues back against akira to say “If [Ryuji’s] heart suddenly changed, wouldn’t you think it was the work of the Phantom Thieves?” like it could just happen to any random joe schmoe. he’s acting like someone could just one day change their entire attitude–possibly for the worse–resulting in terror amongst the population.

we have to keep in mind that at this point in time, akechi has no idea that you can steal treasure to change a person’s heart. he doesn’t even know treasure is a thing, let alone that you have to send a calling card to make it manifest. morgana is the person who knew all that stuff, and akechi definitely didnt have access to morgana when he started his hitman career.

so with the way that he’s talking about the changes of heart, i dont think he assumes that changes of heart always change the person for the better. he has no idea that it’s literally removing a person’s distorted desires. i’m like NINETY-FIVE PERCENT SURE that he thinks changes of heart operate in the same way that his psychotic abilities work: you cast a persona spell, and a person goes apeshit.

from his point of view, that’s kind of what’s happening. when akechi casts call of chaos, a person starts behaving in a way they never would under ordinary circumstances in the real world. the changes of heart really look exactly the same way to an outsider’s POV. and to akechi’s understanding, call of chaos can be cast on even good people. from the phantom thieves’ POV, only people who’re mega-dicks can have their hearts changed in the first place, because the requisite to have a palace is a certain level of distortion. (futaba, of course, proving that you don’t have to be a mega-dick to have a distortion, but the TV studio scene happens before futaba.)

akechi’s argument is that leaving that sort of power in just anyone’s hands is dangerous. because that’s a LOT of power for one person to have. akechi would know, considering that he’s in the same position. he’s wary of the fact that there’s no guarantee that that person will use it for good.

that, of course, brings us to the question of “well, what does akechi think ‘using power for good’ is in the first place?” does he think that the phantom thieves are using their powers for good? does he think he’s using his powers for good?

when asked why he seeks justice, akechi says: “Because of sickening human beings… Yes, my contempt for such people drives my sense of justice. It isn’t some grand reason like society’s sake or some lofty ideal. It’s simply an absurd grudge… and extremely personal.”

the traditional, lawful-good way of thinking about justice is that if you operate outside the law, you’re automatically bad. but akechi’s sense of justice seems to be driven primarily from the hurts he’s suffered, the grudges he still bears, and his conviction that wrongs personally done against individuals should be righted. it’s an end-goal oriented sense of justice.

if wrong-doers are punished and the grudges are appeased, then justice is delivered. how that happens does not necessarily constitute justice. my best guess at this time is that he’d qualify a lot as “the ends justify the means,” since his concept of justice is end-goal oriented.

of course, i think akechi definitely shows throughout the game that he knows that how you achieve those ends is… not irrelevant. i think his black mask outfit (and a bunch of other things he says) implies that he feels like he is a “villain” of sorts. he demonstrates feeling a type of way about killing okumura. he definitely knows that his actions are morally wrong under particular lenses. take a look at this section:

Akechi: Who cares? My targets were all doing the same damn thing in this eat or be eaten world. [referencing that all his victims were dicks who kind of deserved to get glocked]

Akechi: How is that any different from the Phantom Thieves?

Ann: We’re not murderers!

Akechi: (now looking kind of pissed) So what?! [launches into speil about how it’ll all be worth it when he exacts revenge on Shido]

obviously he knows that murder is morally indefensible. but i think he’s justified it to himself as either not so bad because he killed primarily corrupt people, and/or that it’d be worth it if he achieves revenge on shido. he’s doing some kind of weird karma cosmic-scale balancing of “how much can i get away with and still be able to call it justifiable and justice,” and it looks like his answer is “quite a fucking lot.”

ironically, this makes his views on justice fairly practical. rather than idealistically committed to some platonic edition of justice, he’s more of a “what do i need to do to get the goals i want achieved? what needs to happen to make sure that asshole abusers get what’s coming to them? what needs to happen to make sure that i get emotional closure?” the biggest issue with that is the danger of a Pyrrhic victory–the moment where the means so go far that the ends no longer justify them.

all of this is to say: when akechi is talking about the phantom thieves as potentially unjust, i dont think he has a problem with their methods. “methods” are like a knife–it’s about how you use it, and for what.

i think he knows that changing hearts, and turning people psychotic, is morally skeevy if your sense of justice is very puritanical, but his sense of justice isn’t puritanical. i think he’s wary of what they might be using their methods for. again: his big argument in the studio scene isnt necessarily that theyre unjust, only that they’re dangerous.

seriously, though–changing hearts is potentially a recipe for societal collapse if used the wrong way. imagine if the PT were more self-centered and they went the light yagami route with their new supernatural powers, maintaining peace and order through authoritarian fear. that is, actually, the entire premise of the P5 Vanilla Bad End, in which the PT enforce peace through relentlessly changing hearts and making people too terrified to keep committing crime.

since his views on justice seem to be defined by what the end goal is, he’d have to know what those goals are before understanding if they’re “just” or “unjust”–which is probably why he keeps hounding akira for akira’s viewpoints on justice, tbh. the phantom thieves are only unjust if their end goal is unjust, not necessarily because of their methods. (see answer to question 2 for related/continued discussion.)

2. When did he first suspect the PTs? Did he figure them out immediately at the TV station or did he just become interested in Joker cuz he’s gay and figured it out afterwards lol. Basically who sussed who out first?

SHORT ANSWER: i pretty sure atlus expects us to believe that he figured it from even before the TV showing–he figured it out when he overheard ryuji saying “It’s not easy being phantom thieves” when they were in the hallway. it’s the same time and place where akechi did his famous pancake fuck-up.

SLIGHTLY LONGER ANSWER: the idea that akechi was just super horny for the guy who gave him shit on live TV and then realized that akira was a phantom thief later as a neat bonus is fuckign SENDING me.

VERY LONG ANSWER: because of the scene with ryuji, i’m pretty sure he knew that akira was a phantom thief, and also i’m half-convinced that he somehow got the TV host to specifically choose akira during the “ask the audience” portion of the show. it’s really too much of a coincidence.

because of that, i think the other implication of the scene is that he wanted to see what akira was made of when he invited akira for a debate on live television, and was pleasantly surprised when akira had something very interesting to say on the topic of grey morality and achieving justice outside the law.

what’s interesting about that scene is that akechi becomes interested in akira regardless of what akira says about the phantom thieves. akira’s options are “They’re justice itself,” “They’re necessary,” and “They do more than the cops”–so it’s not like akira ever says that he dislikes the phantom thieves, but the level of support ranges and two of these imply a justification/reasoning for it. and then akechi fucking argues back on live television like this is some kind of debate, instead of a daytime talk show meant to distract bored housewives.

like. akechi gets INTO it. justice is his THING. and here’s akira, who seems to be not only a metaverse user operating outside the law like akechi himself, but also has some pretty grey morality thoughts on what justice is and could be, also like akechi himself.

taking it as a given that he knows for a fact that akira is a phantom thief from the get-go, from even before the TV scene ever even happened, then akechi probably keeps hounding him because akechi’s interested in hearing akira’s reasons. he’s not fishing for evidence, since he already knows. this is very speculative, now, but my best guess is that he keeps hounding akira ever after this scene because he wants to compare notes, one vigilante to another, to hear how akira rationalizes his vigilante work as a type of justice. very possibly, he’s seeking reassurance to himself that his own actions are justifiable. (he certainly seems that way in P5R, especially when he wonders about if a “justice nobody wants” is really a true justice at all, or just someone being self-centered.)

so re: “did akechi figure him out or was he just gay,” the answer is. yes. akechi did figure him out, and also akira made him so intellectually horny on live television that he hounded the man down in public for follow-up dates.

what a king.

3. Does Akechi have a Velvet Room? Does he experience rank ups with Joker and the game over stuff too?

SHORT ANSWER: we don’t know. no, seriously, we have no idea.

SLIGHTLY LONGER ANSWER: i’ve seen compelling takes on him having his own velvet room, and i think it’s thematically very fascinating if akechi is quite literally akira’s counterpart in terms of cosmic chess pieces, but i would be surprised if he did. but again, seriously, since there’s no confirmation on the matter, i say akechi’s potential velvet room is fair game.

VERY LONG ANSWER: lore-wise, i’m betting no. akechi was yaldabaoth’s piece, while akira was philemon’s (if i’m remembering my lore correctly). philemon provides the velvet room to aid the people he chooses–yaldabaoth has no such deal. the only reason why yaldo was in the velvet room in the first place was because he wanted to fuck over philemon’s chosen trickster.

it’s the same logic for why someone like adachi wouldn’t have a velvet room: while souji/yu, namatame, and adachi were all given the power to go into the tv world by izanami, only souji/yu was selected by philemon to save the world from ruin, and was accordingly given the resources and aid to do so.

secondary bonus: the psychotic ability/call of chaos just removes a person’s bonds in their heart, which makes them behave as if they were crazy. it’s the exact opposite of joker’s ability to create bonds. yaldabaoth’s one gift to his chosen chess piece was to essentially undo the very social links that make akira strong. so again, i’d be shocked if akechi experiences things like ranking up, or any sort of velvet room/persona fusing mechanic.

personally i think the loki/robin hood divide just happened because he awoke to a persona twice. awakening to your persona just happens at moments of rebellion and strong resolve, and canonically even other persona-users “awaken” (sorta) twice when you max their social link. i’m betting that he just had two moments of resolve: one in which he wanted to be a hero of justice, and one in which he decided he was going to tear shido to the ground no matter how far into villainy he had to go.

but as always, it’s not like there’s a hard consensus on the matter.

4. How did he kill the shadows of people who don’t have a palace? Does *everyone* have a shadow in mementos?

SHORT ANSWER: he probably kills them in mementos, and also i think we’re expected to believe that literally everyone has a shadow in mementos.

SLIGHTLY LONGER ANSWER: i’m almost certain that the mementos depths section of the game confirms that basically everyone’s shadows are in there somewhere, even if they’re just your average joe with no significant distortions. the palace ruler for that section is “the public,” and also we do see the shadows of palace rulers who’ve had their hearts changed in the mementos depths. so even if you’ve had your heart changed and are supposedly a perfectly good human being now, this evidently doesnt disqualify you for having a shadow in mementos.

VERY LONG ANSWER: morgana says that mementos is the collective distortion of everyone in the area, but not a lot more concretely than that. morgana also says that reality is fairly plastic and that reality is somewhat determined by how we perceive the world, so i think that we’re expected to believe that everyone has, to some degree, some level of distortion.

i could say that jungian theory, which is the theory that the persona series is based off of, says that everyone without exception has a shadow. but this seems a little bit of a doylist explanation. instead i’ll point to persona 3, in which people without shadows literally become comatose and apathetic husks of themselves. this is because having a shadow is actually a fairly important part of a person’s psyche, and not having one doesnt make you a good and perfect person, it makes you a nonfunctional vegetable incapable of cognitive thought.

so yeah, i’m pretty sure EVERYONE is in mementos. with the exception of the phantom thieves, because… i think we’re expected to believe that their personas are in some ways their shadows? but also their personas are like, real-life kinning mythological/fictional characters so hard that you bind them to your soul? frankly i’ve been confused about how shadows work ever since persona 5 had people’s eyes turn yellow when they go through their awakenings, since perosna 4 used to use that as a sign that the person was a shadow, so… maybe i have no idea what the fuck im talking about. LMFAO.

#mine #meta #Anonymous

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kachinnate · 4 years

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we’ve finally come time for the one (1) annual Kayla’s Having a Bad Time post

i don’t know anymore what exactly is wrong with me but wow!! is it bad!!! and wow do i hate it !!!!! i have not gone a day w/o crying in like a week and a half and i’m so tired, i’m literally so tired of hating myself just for existing and i’m tired of all the little things that should not upset me upsetting me only because they’re in masse, only because all together it’s so much and i only have two fucking hands

and like in the back of my mind even fucking still i’m like “.... okay but placebo effect. okay but you aren’t really sad tho. okay but you literally just don’t want to get better you are doing this for attention you are doing this bc being content would be easy and you just want to stir the pot clearly, just stop” to the point where i’m like I Guess I Have To Prove to even myself that i am fucking justified in feeling the way that i do before my brain gaslights itself into thinking that there was never anything wrong with me to begin with and that i’ve fucking put myself in this hole myself for no reason other than ... i don’t even know! i don’t know

makes a list in my notes :) to remember all the heinous bullshit going on :) and maybe for catharsis reasons i don’t fucking care anymore

- it’s the anniversary of the thing. you know. ;) the kind of traumatic experience of having the people i called best friends fucking uhhh pick on me every day for the entirety of like eight months - on my eating habits on my behavior on my anxiety on the things they knew i fucking hated about myself - only for them to just. drop me all of a sudden, on THEIR own terms, as if I was the one who fucking did anything to THEM, thus rendering me from never getting my own fucking closure from the situation ! i have both of them still added as friends on snapchat and i follow them on instagram because for some reason i know that if i just blocked them it would cause problems (what problems?? what arbitrary fucking problems???) seeing their faces makes me feel literal actual dread, i can’t go to one of the restaurants in my town alone because they work there and i hate it ! i hated every second of april 2019 - september 2019 where i felt fucking psychotic for being upset over this situation, where i couldn’t convince myself that i wasn’t insane for being strung up and i couldn’t even call it trauma until like march when someone coined it that for me themselves lol ,,,, i hate myself for still giving them my thoughts, i hate myself for wondering that in a different universe where i wasn’t as fucking stupid or ditzy if they’d still talk to me. i hate myself for wondering if ***** looks at the message i left on her poster last april where i told her how much i admired her and loved her and thinks about me, because that was probably the last time i ever said anything real to her, which... haha. what a JOKE right?

- my rsd has somehow fucking spiked and gotten so much worse in like.. the last eight days. literally when i first posted ‘sweet hibiscus tea’ i went and checked it a few days after and it had like. two dislikes? and i like. cried? :) which is so dramatic and i hate it djksgndsg i can’t go a day reading messages or texts from anyone who talks to me without finding one that’s not inherently positive and picking it apart until i’ve hurt myself over something that wasn’t even related, im too sensitive about EVERYTHING but i don’t know how to address it or deal with it so i just don’t which i think is... why it’s getting worse oop. it gets triggered by literally fucking everything i hate it here

- one of the only things bringing me any sort of serotonin rn is making content. hense the hyperfixating on my r and on this oneshot and on the writing meme things, like. it makes me feel productive, but hyperfixating for me oftentimes leads to a bad headspace which makes me fucking disoriented when i come out of it, and like. ofc there’s the typical things w it too like me forgetting to do other shit like eat or whatever but it’s literally been the only way i can cope with myself. making things. getting validation for things. if i can entertain someone for like, ten minutes, maybe anything i do matters. maybe. fuck.

- i can’t not self isolate myself when things are bad, i just. can’t sdjgnsd like i hate talking about myself i hate talking about the way i feel because nothing makes sense?? i encourage people to talk to me when they feel bad but i can’t ever do the same for myself because i’m a hypocrite! and like the feelings of worthlessness overpower everything i do! convince me people don’t care and shit when i know that’s not the case, but if i acknowledge that then i have to think about how i’m being selfish by fucking moping but not talking to anyone, and i just! i cannot win !!! ever!

- ^^^^ on that note, literally the few times i’ve felt okay recently i’ve had that ripped right from me by little things people close to me have done, like !! can you not vague me?? regardless of if you see that i’m doing bad mentally or not ???? i’m begging you , i’m so sorry that i’m not acting normal but can you for one second maybe consider that i’m a person ? i may be SAD but i’m not fucking STUPID so if i bother you just tell me ??? it’s the least you can do ??????

- scared i can’t love. scared i’m not morally a good person. scared that i’m selfish but don’t realize it. i wasn’t meant to have a confidant i don’t think and who am i to ever try and subject anyone to my fucked up head

- i’m constantly fucking terrified on my dad’s behalf because this dude is 41 years old yet i’m the fucking adult out of the two of us most of the time? he comes home drunk so often and i’ve thought that he’s had alcohol poisoning more than once and i hate being fucking scared of having to like. contact fafsa or my college like “hey can u adjust my financial aid, because i’m kind of an orphan now? :’)” we don’t have any other family, i can’t ask anyone to help me it’s literally me and him against the world and he’s put me on this pedestal of being an amazing daughter so i feel guilty at the thought of anything happening to him as if i’m his fucking guardian. he drinks so much and he’s so infidelious and ridiculous so what’s going to happen when i leave ?

it’s just. so much. but i don’t want to be a beacon of negative shit because even after all of this i’m self conscious of making other people sad so i pretend that everything’s fine on my sc and in person , which i know gives off the vibe of “but she’s not even acting sad? :///” when i offhandedly mention anywhere that i’ve been depressed and i just. i’m sorry that i don’t post about how when i’m not staring at my huion screen i’m fucking staring at the wall wondering if anyone would fucking notice other than my dad and my coworkers if i just disappeared without a word

it feels selfish to complain about my life feeling bad with all the shit going on, too, on top of that. so it’s better if i just don’t say anything at all, there’s other shit to deal with other than my life falling apart because really this just happens every year around this time doesn’t it. i’ll get over it. i’m being dramatic and stupid and in like two months none of this will even fucking matter

tldr; i need to get my meds upped or something

#irrelevant #do not be obliged to say anything i really just needed to scream on somewhere that wasn't snapchat #bc for legal reasons people don't need to know how i feel <3 #garbage.txt #if you're new here i swear that this isn't normal i'm just fucking bad rn #we'll be back to memes and content momentarily #not proofread #can't look @ this rn #gonna drink some hawaiian punch and probably work on #something #as always <3 #vent #ask to tag #i don't think there's anything particularly Jarring in this but #tw alcohol #longpost #long post

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srlkiller · 5 years

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its 3am.. can’t sleep n on pills but not high just drowsy n in a daze. not fun. anyways - update. finally get to see my psychiatrist tomorrow after almost two years of not seeing her or any mental health professional at all after being formally re diagnosed as an adult... well like i got re assessed by another psych and re diagnosed with new updated illnesses/disorders as an adult at like a deadass mental ward shit for inpatient/outpatient.. u kno what I mean tho right?.. so fucked. i remember my mom going into the psych office w me one day for my appt and my psych telling her how shit was being so real it was great for me and mom was like yep im gonna do better im gonna change blah blah then leaves n says that my psych is a bitch and im never allowed to come back there.. after that the clinic started upping the prices so mom had another excuse & she used it to her advantage n said it was too expensive so she rang n canceled every single appt i had n i never went back.. i had to go cold turkey of all my benzos, anti psychotics, sleeping pills ect that was very fucked.. ive remained stagnant on the same dose of Prozac since i was about 17 cuz no one will change it bc that psych put me on it and she’s the one that has to alter it cuz it’s the max dose and i would have to wein off it in inpatient hospital in order to change off it bc crazy n dangerous life threatening side effects since ive been on max dose for so long... i don’t wanna do that shit tho i don’t have the time n im on sooo many meds now to even be fucked doing that. it also no longer works like.. ?? serotonin where?? it def did at the beginning but not anymore my body just is accustomed to it as normal. also she diagnosed me with stuff but didn’t fully explain what those disorders/illnesses were jus wrote them down n told me to google then urgently got me into dbt group therapy which i went to twice lol then mom pulled me out of everything as i said n stopped going n she legit thought i died n necked it she called me for weeks trying to make contact but I didn’t answer cuz i was so ashamed my mom is such a cunt seriously. doesn’t give a fuck about me or my well-being she’s more concerned about her image... she even said tonight to not tell the psych that she’s done anything wrong since last time .. like wtf.

#personal #myself #me

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diamedical · 5 years

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New info on next week definitely sounds like dissociation and delusional symptoms (the clip with Fletch looked like that too, she was exhibiting majorly disorganised speech and thinking, and her body language screamed stress and anxiety).

Oh wow I just had a look :( i agree with u

Pls excuse my ramblings below, i got carried away bc i found it interesting to look at it from a psychiatry rotation perspective (disclaimer (lol): a lot of what i say is probably wrong! i am definitely no expert! just my thoughts and opinions)

It’s hard to judge from such a short clip but to me her speech seemed quite pressured. In terms of form she jumps quickly from “some of us are tough enough” to “you hate me”. There’s no clear link, which could make you consider a type of formal thought disorder called derailment ?? (but you’d want more evidence than that)

Also, the sudden distrust towards Fletch (“You’re one of them”) could indicate a persecutory delusion?

In terms of new info from the article, “starting a sentence and not finishing it” could be thought block, but could also just be her struggling to concentrate, esp as from Rosie’s description it sounds like she’s dissociating.

The fact that she is having what Rosie calls “‘absentee’ moments” and finding herself in situations without knowing how she got there, yet she’s still “sure she can operate” does make it sound that by this point she’s really starting to lose insight :(

Overall, it’s all a bit of a mixed picture. Dissociation would make me consider more anxiety type disorders, esp things such as C-PTSD (and EUPD tbf- but given her age and how this is new-onset i don’t think it’s a personality disorder).

However, the other stuff (delusion, disorganized thoughts and speech) does seem more psychotic in nature? if they’re not caused by the same thing, they could also be occurring concurrently

idk it’s hard to tell without having the bigger picture (plus I’m not sure how accurately holby would depict certain conditions) (plus plus i really don’t know that much about what i’m talking about) but yeah, just some of my thoughts

#i care too much lol i'm sorry this is so long

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tayegi · 8 years

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Equilibrium is blowing my mind 😮😮😮 I never expected jungkook to suddenly turn into some possessive psycho jerk 😨😨 I really hope he gets his shit together. What the flying f*ck 😱😱😱 In fact It'd be cool if Jin suddenly showed up with food and The OC leaves that chaotic relationship for food 😂😂😂😂 EVRYONE WOULD PICK FOOD OVER RELATIONSHIPS. right ? Am i the only one lol *cries*

AHHHH THANK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THEIR LOVELY ASKS!!! IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE CAN HAVE HEALTHY, NON-PROBLEMATIC REACTIONS TO GROSS, CONTROLLING MEN!

Anonymous said:Sorry for being late to the party lol, but I just read the new update of Equilibrium and I felt so fucking anxious and scared for the oc. I don't know how in the hell, some ppl find jungkook's actions hot when he is literally being psychotic and obsessive. Especially the part when he told her 'You'll regret it', he's basically threatening her there. It's obvious the whole relationship they have is toxic af and it only seems to be getting worse as time passes. Apart from that, have a nice day!

Anonymous said:OMG EQUILIBRIUM 11 Omg I still have goosebumps, like Jungkook was being so fucking possessive it scared the shit out of me. Even tho It was a shitty move for the oc to not attend his graduation, she still could had attended but that phone call... I don't want this to turn into some creepy murdering fanfic LOL. Ughhh Jungkook what is even going in your mind? I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! xx :)

Anonymous said:Dude, you did such a great job at writing o/c's anxiety in this chapter. I try not to be bias toward her, but it's really hard since the story us in her pov. I got seriously grossed out by JK, man. I was so uncomfortable with the whole morning ordeal. 😩 And his threat at the end?? I know it's a story, but I had my friend-instincts kick in and I just wanted to shake her and be like "PLEASE LEAVE THIS RN PLEASE" (1)

Anonymous said:(2) And I'm curious about how Jimin would react if he knew how JK was acting. He has this idea that JK is a perfect boy, but if only he knew...But, at the same time, they all have this distorted view of one another, huh? We see Jimin as Mr. Perfect cause that's how o/c sees him. I guess it goes into that whole "unreliable narrator" thing? I'm just writing what thoughts the chapter has provoked. I absolutely love how u pay attention to detail in this story!! Awesome job as usual, mane 😊🙆

Anonymous said:Jungkook needs to take a moment to realize how miserable and uncomfortable the OC is like my goodness. Things have gone waaaaaay downhill. Especially for the OC. Also Jungkook actions are just kind of creepy??? And just like so unhealthy. I know it can be really hard to get out of a relationship, and she still loves Jimin and all, but the OC needs to just get out of there.

Anonymous said:omg jk is becoming such a possessive creep like reading the last part gave me chills tbh. they all need to realize that this relationship is v toxic and dip out of it. i kind of expected this to become what it is from the beginning but you still added twists to it that caught me off guard, thanks for being a great writer lu

Anonymous said:oh man that last chapter. just really fucking scary.... i went back and reread the end of ch.10 to recap and it makes me wonder how far y/n's willing to go for what's "worth it" in exchange for her own personal well being. because fuck, what jungkook is exhibiting is extremely concerning. as always your writing is amazing! thank you for using your free time this way, i'm sorry people are being gross and rude. you don't deserve that kinda shit, lu :(

Anonymous said:I genuinely love how you describe the OC as a trapped bird, and seeing how Jungkook reacted to everything is actually causing me to fear for the OC's well-being. I just want her to exist the whole relationship and just hook up with sunshine, can do no wrong hobi instead of the possessive junglecock and the passive Jimin :/ just my thoughts. But you're an extremely talented writer and your PhD is more important than smutty fanfic, so take all the time you need

Anonymous said:Ok first of all what the hell at ppl asking u for quick updates cuz ive lived with phd students they literally have a never ending to do list and im so amazed at ur ability to find time to write unbelievable. U go girl. And 2ndly, the claustraphobia u mentioned that oc was feeling. That was so detailed and even i felt like i was in her place. And jk..uve characterized his possessiveness so well and i got so mad forgetting this was a fictional character i was ready to throw a chair

Anonymous said:eek jungkook is making the equilibrium relationship so unhealthy somebody punch him

Anonymous said:Jungkook makes me so uncomfortable and I can actually feel the claustrophobia that OC feels .-. Overall, really excited for the next parts and can't wait to reread to see if I can find more theories. Thanks for the new chapter!

Anonymous said:ch 11... HOLY FUCK SHE NEED TO GET OUT JK IS LOONEY!! you really know how to make a story really good dude. super excited for updates!! i'm really curious about jimin's thought process about all of this. you've given a really good insight on kook and oc but jimin is still a little hard for me to figure out, i assume that's coming soon? i feel for oc, i want to protect her and tell her she's stronger and smarter than all of this. she's worth more than all of this craziness!!! GIRL POWER!! lol

Anonymous said:Holy fucking shit everything is so messed up in equilibrium like !! I love it and at the same time i cry because of the way you describe the oc's feelings I SWEAR I CAN FEEL IT TOO HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I can feel everything, my heart is pounding so fast now. Im so into it and i just want her to run away from this toxic relationship and take care of herself first like i know she loves jimin to the core but she is more important my heart clenches at every exquisite word you writE THANK YOU SO MUCH

Anonymous said:The story is really great I love how original your writing is I don't even see the characters as Jm an jk Which allows me to see how disgusting they all let themselves be treated in the relationship, a lot of the times I feel like readers are blinded by the image of an idol it changes their perspective honestly even if it was just one person who was lying about loving the other it would still be just as horrible I'm really curious as to what's even going on and how you are going to continue it❤️

ahmie-cat said:I feel so sad for the oc in equilibrium. Jungkook don't own nobody! How dare he claim ownership on the oc! I will fight him any day! I'll fight for the oc's freedom rights. Lols, just kidding... But really all of the characters are so sad...

Anonymous said:Honestly in the earlier chapters i really liked Jungkook but now hes just scaring me. The way the OC reacts to all his actions is so relatable thats exaclty how I would feel in her situation. This is crazy I dont even know how this fic would end I love it so much

Anonymous said:I was the anon who recommended you watch wfkbj and I'm so glad you like it!! :) ALSO the latest chapter of equilibrium was so good oh my god;; it's just ramping up like tenfold and while I was reading it sometimes I just had to stop and take a breather bc of all the tension lol. Honestly I don't even know how the oc is dealing with jungkook rn bc his behavior would chill me to the very bone I would have to get out !!! Anyways as always thank you for updating

Anonymous said:ah goodness, it was autocorrect that changed jungkook to jongkook! maybe next time i'll just use jinglebook to refer to him instead thens ahahahah. "goodness gracious, jinglebook is hella possessive that i'm actually really scared for y/n :s"

Anonymous said:GIRL THANK YOU FOR UPDATING OMG IM SHAKING IN MY CHANKLAS JUNGKOOK IS SO DELUSIONAL AND I WISHED OC WOULDVE BEEN STRAIGHT UP WITH HIM AND LIKE IDK NOT MILK ON HIS CRAZYNESS IM JUST SO ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SORRY FOR TYPING IN CAPS

Anonymous said:So, uh. Equilibrium Jungkook is fucking terrifying....

Anonymous said:I hope the oc in equilibrium leaves the relationship. It's so unhealthy and I feel like she might develop some type of mental illness or just be very stressed and anxious if she continues the relationship.... It's just a fanfic, but man, i'd hate to be in her position... I feel like crying Lols. Is this what you intended?? Haha.... It's really good so far I'm looking forward to what happens next. I feel like there'll be a good moral to the story. *Fingers crossing.

Anonymous said:Damn wtf jungkook behavior is freaking me out 😳 "you'll regret it" like wtf crazy people say shit like that

Anonymous said:jkzldlzlldz TF IS HAPPENING I'M SO CONFUSED JK IS CRAZY WTF OMG

Anonymous said:the characters in equilibrium seem to have never been in an actual proper relationship so the fact that they seem to have lasted this long is by sheer miracle. It's also probably why their worst aspects are even more apparent like jk's obsessiveness (which btw yikes boy yikesss) they literally all need to walk far far away from each other cause they a mess but I do wonder who's gonna be the first to do it cause it's all so complicated now, sorry for rambling I just love this fic so much!!

Anonymous said:What the ever loving monkey fuck is wrong with Jungkook. See, i was okay with him being jealous of Jimin because that's normal. I was moderately okay with OC agreeing to Jungkook's terms because she wants to stay with Jimin. I AM NOT OKAY with his sociopathic tendencies and how obsessive he's become. I think he's mistaken OCs genuine kindness for romantic interest at one point. And the thing that scares me the most is how Jimin seems to have no idea what's going on right under his nose as well

Anonymous said:Bruhhhh jungkook is legit fucking scary but the story itself is amazing and complex im gonna reread it right now

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is getting really interesting!! I'm kinda worried tht ppl read sentences like "Even a domesticated pet needs a taste of freedom" in context with her just /looking/ at jimin and think 'oh how romantic' tho. In every scene between her and jk u can practically feel her discomfort and fear and his possessiveness and how he's abusing her. I would normally stop reading a fic like tht bc I don't like it when the ppl are written like that bc they are real after all but I'm super hooked (1/2)

Anonymous said:(2/2)now and I am also really curious as to if and how they all are gonna get out of that situation or if jk kills her before they can just bc she takes care of a literally puking-everywhere-bedridden jimin. I'm also curious how Jimin is gonna act towards y/n now that they're alone and if he even noticed the toxic stuff that's happening between her and jk or if he didn't even notice bc jk kept him "happy" (idk how else to put it) so yeah. Keep up the great work!! Have a nice day xx

Anonymous said:GURL YOU NEED TO RUN FAST AND YOU NEED TO RUN FAR. It sucks that Jimin doesn't like OC romantically, but he's just using you to stay with JK. But JK... that shit is gonna hit the roof soon soon and it ain't gonna be pretty @.@

Anonymous said:Hey Lu, thanks for taking the time to update again~ Regarding the story...Jungkook is incredibly terrifying, like I had to step away a few times as I read because I just want the reader to leave so badly. I wish she would just be like "peace out". Everyone should just leave this situation and say "peace out". Even though I know the feelings are so complicated between all of them, it's just such a shit show on fire :( . Well done on setting everything up though. The tension is insane!

Anonymous said:Ugh I honestly want to slap Jungkook so hard. Possessive little shit.. As always your writing is amazing. Thank you for the update.

Anonymous said:OC, JIMINS DICK ISNT WORTH AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP GTFO THAT SITUATION GIRL IM SCREAMING

Anonymous said:JEONS FUCKED IN THE HEAD. HE WAS CUTE AND ALL AT FIRST BUT THEN IDK GIRL, I FEEL SORRY FOR JIMIN AND OC. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS HAPPENING ALL I KNOW IS I LOVE THIS AND I CERTAINLY LOVE YOU! IS HE PSYCHOTIC THO? FEELS LIKE JEON WOULD KILL ANYONE WHO DARE TO TOUCH OC..

mirajoey said:MY GAWDD!! Jeon Jungkook has gone mad😱 i pray for oc's safety

Anonymous said:i am terrified by jungkook's actions and NOTHING in this whole damn world is going to excuse what he is saying and doing in equilibrium. WHERE IS YOONGI DITCH THEM ALL Y/N AND GO FOR YOONGI. and today, i have been going through some really misogynic shit today and it felt so freaking uncomfortable and i was so angry and kind of frightened...i do not know how y/n is able to act like a normal person with jungkook around who is being very possessive and psycho-like

Anonymous said:When I first saw you updated Equilibrium I almost yelled "IMMA BUST MY LEFT NUT" (I was really excited lol) and now I'm lying here in a puddle of emotion really scared for the OC lol. I adore your writing so much, thank you for writing these xx

Anonymous said:JEON YOU CREEP. Man this is all such a disaster BUT I LOVE TO WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD. Anyways it was a great chapter and I am so e x c i t e for the next part to start. You da best 😆

Anonymous said:This is what your writing does to people, this is literally the only time I've ever dislike Jungkook that much in a fic. I wanted the OC and Jungkook together, but now I really thing all 3 should go their separate ways. Jungkook's possessiveness is getting too much, it's too obsessive. I feel sorry for her, but at the same time her own fault as well. As for Jimin who knows he may not be as oblivious as we think ?! He is using the OC to get with Jungkook in the first place.

Anonymous said:Equilibrium OC should just pack her fckin' bags there is no happy way out of this one

Anonymous said:(1/3) Right before I read this I watched this British PSA music video about abusive relationships, where a pregnant woman was choked to death by her boyfriend as she was trying to leave him and I feel like these people who romanticize these types of relationships forgot that this actually happens IRL. This happens to real women and men and some of them don't make it out alive. And when they try to defend it by saying "it's just a story, it's not real" it's very real for some people.

Anonymous said:(2/3) And the fact that the OC is having trouble sleeping and feeling this anxiety. And the that Jungkook didn't fell any sympathy/empathy for Jimin while he was ill, it just doesn't sit well with me. And the OC isn't innocent either. So afraid to shatter what's left of the already crumbling illusion she's built up. The need to keep the fantasy of this relationship with Jimin that I'm not sure existed outside of her mind. I really do enjoy this story and how you portray the characters.

Anonymous said:(3/3) The isolated relationships between the three of them is very realistic. I've seen some of my close friends go through similar situations. And it's hard to get out once you're in.Anonymous said:I cant believe anyone in their right mind is sympathizing with Jungkook in Equilibrium?! The way he is with Y/N makes me so uncomfortable, esp with his “You’re all mine” crap and being so “in love” with her when all he wants is to have her under his control even tho he thinks it’s love. Jimin too, the way he’s down to have Y/N in the relationship since JK wants her but she wants Jimin.. also I’m glad ur fanfics exist since they can give some girls a perspective on what’s NOT okay and NOT love

Anonymous said:' And if I find out you let someone else touch what's mine... you'll regret it' - I kept on reading this over and over but each time it makes me cringe more, the fact that he constantly calls her 'mine' is so fucking off, like as a kookier Stan in rl , I felt really bad for jungkook but now I find it so hard, this relationship is taking a big twist that I did not see coming and it's getting abusive real quick.

Anonymous said:(Cont last) I stood firm in my decision. On the last day that we talked, he finally understood why. It was only then he realized his mistakes, only then did he cry & apologize for everything. He tried to convince me to give him a chance but the time for that has already passed. We are officially over. I loved the guy, you know? and deep down, I know there's good in there. But I can't risk my heart and soul anymore. I'm sorry this has gone out of topic, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anonymous said:(Cont.) When he got mad at me for one minor thing, he will accuse me of cheating and call me demeaning words. Our relationship was always on his terms. I was always the one apologizing & making an effort to make him happy. I paid for all our dates. Just wow, I'm stupid. After a fight early Feb, I got tired of it all. I broke up with him and that process took 7 fucking days in which he tried to convince that my reasoning was wrong and that he was right. My gut feeling was telling me to leave.

Anonymous said:just finished reading ch 11... yikes. like YIKES. oh my, I'm honestly very worried and scared for the oc. reading it actually made me anxious and nervous lol. that relationship is a nightmare oh sweetie no, she needs to leave asap

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 3) I felt caged. I always had to inform where I was, who I'm with, are there guys going to be at the event I'm going to. If there were guys, he didn't want me to go. I couldn't even get a regular update from him where he was and couldn't check on his phone. As I said, I was being stupid. I tolerated all of his bullshit. When you're in an abusive relationship, you won't realize it immediately. He'll come off sweet and only wanting to protect you and your relationship.

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 2) to the red flags he showed early in the relationship. He didn't want to me talk to any guy who wasn't a family and asked me to delete all the guys in my Facebook account. Stupid me did so because I believed him when he said that "It's not because I don't trust you, it's because I don't trust the people around you." I stayed loyal to him but he was always paranoid that I was cheating on him. When we broke up, I learned he was talking to lots of girls that's why he was so paranoid.

Anonymous said:I got curious and read Equilibrium. All I can say is whoa! The anxiety and fear that I felt was so visceral; it made me fill ill. I've recently broken up with my ex, who was like that - subtly emotionally and mentally abusive. I am fairly young, naive, and inexperienced in relationships. I had a low self-esteem. Growing up I felt that I was unattractive and no one would like me. He was the first guy to really pursue me and I guess I was so hungry for love and affection that I turned a blind eye

Anonymous said:oc's anxiety is getting worst in equal... 😞 i hope she gets out soon. i agree, SEND IN MAMA JIN! lol kook is getting crazier each chapter i'm getting scared for her well being 😟☹️😦. SHES WORTH MORE THAN THIS CRAZINESS!! 💔 side note, thank you for sticking to it, i know it's not easy. and thank you for updating. i always look forward to your work ❤

withlove-sydney said:Tbh I was worried that this story was gonna take a disturbing turn after jk revealed that he was purposely trying to keep jimin away in chpt 10 and this chapter just confirmed how toxic he is. I agree with that other person tho I'm glad that you're the one writing this because I trust that you won't try to romanticize this at all. My ex was really possessive like jk and its not cute or sexy at all. I ended up so scared of him and when I see similar things in fics it gives me chills...

btsninetyfiveline said:I just want to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the relationship you're portraying in Equilibrium! It's soooooooo important to have stories that show abuse and possessiveness in an unhealthy light! I'm so tired of these "you looked at another guy for 5 seconds in the club so now I'm gonna take you home and show you who you 'belong' to" narratives. It's so important to address and educate young girls on signs of an emotionally manipulative relationship! 💕

Anonymous said:Hi Lu :) how are you? I love how you put out your stories unexpectedly, its always a pleasant surprise. Chapter 11 is so well-written (like all your work ofc).You set up the suffocating atmosphere perfectly with images and metaphors, like Oc's suffer is so real. I am really concerned about oc's mental health... in this chapter we see that she isn't in a good place and I am scared of what is yet to come. Thank you for your hard work. xo

Anonymous said:After reading chap 11, i feel so bad for the oc. Even reading about jk's possessiveness/threats makes me feel suffocated ;-; Though I'm excited for what's going to happen after he leaves for his trip hmm.... once again thank you for the update, Lu! :-) I'm really loving the pace of the story so far.

anonymouspseudonymous said:There's this anon that said "this ain't your ordinary fic where they all compromise and be happy" and i cannot agree more. Although, even if I get it that people hate JK for being cray, you have to punch Jimin as well hahaha idk man this is fucked

Anonymous said:I'm reading ch11 of equilibrium and the part where she wants to touch jimins face but jungkook has a tight grip on her wrist restricting her from doing so is so symbolic of their relationship and how she wants jimin so badly but jungkook is holding her back from him almost keeping her hostage in a way. Anyways I really enjoyed this part it gave me goosebumps so thank you for sharing your work with us even though you don't have to! You owe us nothing so I appreciate everything you give us💓💞💖💕

Anonymous said:I'm glad you don't tolerate the bullshit that jungkook isnt as bad as the protagnonist. People need to hear that that shit is toxic and manipulative. People are brainwashed into thinking it's romantic and okay. When it's absolutely not. No the protagonist isn't free of fault but she isn't being obsessively creepy.

Anonymous said:I think people tend to gloss over the fact that it IS an obsession (unhealthy and actually rather terrifying) and not actual "love" because they like the idea of someone doing anything to stay with them. But even in wanting to stay with someone, there have to be limits. You shouldn't end up losing yourself to someone if they want you as a person, not as just an object or a way to get what they want. There is a line between devotion and obsession, and people seem to ignore that all too often.

#equilibrium #beautiful ppl #jungkookfortunekookies #lu answers

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North East Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21901

"North East Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21901

North East Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21901

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I just got my license but my parents dont want to put my name under insurance because they dont want their insurance price to go up. I recently heard from a friend that you can put your name under your parents insurance and say you're only using the car 10% of the time and they dont raise your insurance? Is this true? If not, what can i do to not increase the insurance price for my parents. I really want to drive their car.""

How much would insurance be for me if i have kawasaki zx10r and im a newbie?

How much would it cost for me to get put on my parents insurance?

I'm 18 and looking to get my licence soon. My mom, her boyfriend, and his daughter are all on the same insurance. They have Nationwide. But I don't have a car yet, so I'd be driving my mom & stepdads car. ABOUT how much do you think it would cost?""

Which auto insurance companies only go back three months for accidents and violations?

Whats a cheap insurance car to buy?

I just turned 18 and just passed my driving test, so i want to buy a car since i'm the only person in my home whole has a driving license, but i want to buy a car that will be VERY cheap to insure. So many people have told me different things and I'm really confused.""

Why would any sane young adult pay thousands in health insurance premiums to subsidize old baby boomers?

They could pay nothing and get 95 dollars less on their tax refund next year. They could use that money now to pay down credit cards, etc. Under the new rules, individuals choosing not to carry insurance are subject to a penalty of $95 per person each year, or 1% of household income, whichever is greater, beginning in 2014. Over time, the penalty increases, so that by 2016 the penalty is $695 per person, or 2.5% of household income. Even the increase in the penalty is miniscule when compared to the premium prices. So again, WHY would any sane young adult get pay thousands of dollars in premiums?""

Who's responsible for rental car insurance after an accident?

Last month my car was run into in a parking lot while I was shopping. No question who was at fault. We exchanged information and I contacted their insurance company. Their insurance agreed to pay for all repairs and the rental. However, they did wouldn't pay for the insurance on the rental, claiming it is my responsibility. I only have liability, so the additional insurance cost $8.99 per day, in the end I had to pay $360. I'm wondering if now I can take this to the people who hit me, since if they had not hit me, I wouldn't be out $360. Could I demand them to pay it, maybe even take it to small claims?""

Mega life and health insurance?

What is the location of Mega Life and Health Insurance?

Does anyone know some cheap insurance companies for drivers who just passed?

UK only please :)xx

How much would a Fiat Grande Punto 1.2L cost in insurance for a 17 year old male driver?

I'm 17 and male and I was wondering how much this car would cost to get it insured, please help.""

I am in texas and want cheap auto insurance (liability)?

I only need what texas law requires (liability) have 2 accidents 1 moving violation my policy doubled please help me find better deal

I make $500/month and want to put $1000 down on a $8000 car mom pays insurance...how much will payments range?

How much would lowering my mileage by 5k save me in california?

So being a teenager(19) and a male with a ticket I'm paying around 900 for insurance. Tickets my fault I accept the punishment. However, I switched jobs and After calculating distance I'm only going to be driving around 5000 miles rather than the 10 on my insurance. Just kind of curious how much the mileage drop could save me since my insurance agency isn't being much help.""

Does the owner of a car have the be the primary driver on the insurance?

I'm not far off from passing my driving test (in the u.k.) and my mum is giving me her old car (she's got an new one now). I've looked at insuring me as the primary driver and it would cost around about 1000 but if i'm set as the secondary driver and my fiance is the primary driver it's around 300 or something my dad says. My questions are: If i'm registered as the vehicle's owner do I have to have insurance with me as the primary driver? Also, Is it a problem if my fiance is the primary driver on my car as well as his? I've read online somewhere that he can't be the primary driver for both cars (wasn't sure if the site was referring to in the u.k or elsewhere in the world though)""

How to find stolen life insurance benefits?

If someone were to submit a benefit disclaimer letter to a life insurance company with a forged signature (the beneficiary was never told of the policy). What would be the best advice (other than seeking an attorney) to find any and all life insurance company names at the time of the insureds death? Can I report a fraud claim with my state (Ohio) if I have physical proof? I can file a missing life insurance/annuity search request, but dont know if this will help me find any disclaimed benefits already stolen. I have a feeling life insurance companys would keep this quiet. I suppose I could cold call the life insurance companys that operate in my state and ask if they have my name on file.""

Insurance question for sport bike?

Ok so I drive already and im going to be 18 very soon. I'm thinking about getting a sport-bike for college mainly because they have very good mpg and are fairly cheap.Once i get my m1 licence im thinking on getting a kawasaki ninja 250 or a suzuki gsxr 600. How much would insurance cost extra on the gixxer than for the ninja, thanks !!!""

North East Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21901

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-insurance-cost-infinti-g35-coupe-terry-gray/"

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