#calling out behavior means that I can more easily spot my personal red flags and literally run away

[vizthedatum]

Always with the illusion of choice unless they’re love-bombing you.

[neechees]

hi, sorry but what are the signs someone asking you for donations might be a scam? bc ive been in contact rn with someone(not anyone on this site afasik btw) who has said they're in an emergency and i've given a significant amount of money to but i now i think they might have been scamming me.... is there any place i could go to for that? thanks in advance

It depends. Some scammers react & behave differently a bit & use different tactics, but there's quite a few signs that share commonality, which have been documented at the blog @donationscamwarning. Here is a short version (which also contains a link to the longer version) of some signs that may mean they are being a scammer (& remember that one or two red flags is probably not enough to prove that they are, especially if it can be easily explained by other factors, it should be taken with multiple red flags to maybe suggest they are). That blog & similar blogs like scammercalloutblog also track and callout donation scammers via evidence they've collected.

The reason I've been able to spot Julian Charger & the Flores Family/Ivysour scammers is because they have repeated behavior for different scams multiple times. Julian's tactics include making multiple personal social media accounts, befriending people, and then asking for donations or faking commissions for either alleged homelessness, fundraising for something, or for someone (usually a funeral), but I noticed he's been changing up his tactics on tumblr specifically because people keep calling him out & chasing him off, but that doesn't happen as often on sites like insta/facebook/twitter, so he keeps recycling the same story etc. He even went so far as to befriend someone on tumblr specifically to manipulate them into making a donation post for his scam so it'd look more credible!

I'll release a post about the behaviors frequently exhibited by the scammer ivysour/savemysister since they keep recycling it, but be warned that I think they've been watching my blog to see how they're called out, because for the past 2 years everytime someone made a callout post for them, they'd slightly change their info or tactics in order to look like someone else. So they're watching how people react to them for reference of future scams.

If you so wish, you could also ask for more proof or information from the person who you think might be scamming you regarding anything you're unsure about. If they're genuine, generally I think they'd be willing to at least try to prove themselves so. But again, use the link and the info I'll release to maybe get an idea if you think they're being honest.

[funkymbtifiction]

What are the red flags that I mistyped myself?

1: Being defensive when others question your type.

If someone questions your type and hits a sore spot, it is a glaring beacon that you know something is not quite ‘right’ about the type you’ve decided you are, but anyone else pointing that out activates your emotional center and makes you defensive. If you absolutely refuse to listen to any rational arguments for another type, resort to name-calling / mockery of the other person, and deny external evidence, you may as well hang out a shingle that screams ‘I’m not this type.’ Real people of a type can explain why they are that type, cognitively, and are not threatened by other people thinking they are a different type, because it does not threaten their ‘insecure’ ego about being that type. They know that their flaws match up with the poor behaviors of their type’s inferior functions.

2: Having to make a ton of excuses to justify yourself as a type.

If you assert that you are a type, and then have to add “but…” followed by a long list of things you do not do which are problems and strengths within that type, there’s a good chance you are not that type, because most of the types have similar problems they struggle with, related to lower functions. Even if you have developed your stack out of order, or are prone to loops / inferior grips, your functions should interact in certain ways and you will have blind spots. Typing yourself demands total honesty about what is hard for you (and what is not), what you can articulate (and cannot), and where your flaws lie. If you assert yourself as a type, and then routinely deny that you think in that way, or say that you are really “much more sensitive/logical than that,” you’re probably not a super-developed person of that type, but a different type.

3: When you have type bias going on and would hate to admit you are a different type.

This is tied to ego, and ego can override actual evidence if you live in denial of who you are, how you internalize information, how you get what you want, and what are the issues you have to overcome in order to mature your type. Either you are a thinker, or you want to be one, so you cling to it as a shield through which to hide behind, so the world cannot touch you; while actually being super sensitive, easily hurt, and fearful when someone slams your logic as not being that ‘great.’ Either you are a feeler, or you want to be one, despite having little understanding of anyone’s emotions (or your own) and feeling very insecure when others target you on an emotional level. Either you are an intuitive, whose sore spot is their inability to be ‘realistic’ or a sensor who must admit that they cannot follow intense abstract concepts for 6 hours straight.

4. You took an online test, read a vague online profile, and assumed it is correct.

You did no research. You did very little intense internal analyzing. You did not think about your core strengths and weaknesses, and learn enough information about cognition to identify negative inferior behaviors in yourself and match them to a type. You took a quick online test, thought what it said sounded good, and now wear it as a banner of pride on the internet, while not knowing how this type reacts under stress or conflict, or where its flaws are, or how the psychology behind these cognitive behaviors explains your behavior.

5. You interact with ‘real people’ of that type and are nothing like them.

Stop thinking this just means you’re special or more cognitively developed than they are; it means you are not the same type. If you cannot relate to common problems, do not think in similar cognitive ways, do not bring up the same sort of evidence they might in an argument, do not struggle with the same problems in regard to your lower functions, or find them ‘weird’ because ‘I don’t think that way’… time to admit you’re not that type.

How to tell you are the right type:

1. Your blind spots match descriptions of the inferior function.

This means you have done enough research and analyzed your own behavior so as to identify your cognitive weaknesses and own up to them. You notice, admit, and can find proof in your daily life of a weak inferior function. It is not a source of pride to you, but an awareness that this area needs work.

2. You don’t have to make excuses to justify your type.

The answer that requires the least amount of excuses is the right one. You have to be honest with yourself about your strengths and flaws.

3. You realize there’s just as much good and bad about your type.

This is where your ego goes to die, when you realize that yeah, I’m this type and here’s what’s awesome about it… and here’s what totally sucks about it, and the areas that I see in my own life need worked on so I can improve them. For example, half the internet claims to be an INTJ. Real ones have no delusion about their type being the greatest thing since sliced cheese, because they are aware of their own extremely poor Se and how it tends to make them way more passive and inactive than their Te would like, and in some cases, sabotages them on a continual basis. It’s fine to be proud of your accomplishments, but there’s no use being prouder of your type as a whole, than someone else’s type, because all the types have tremendous strengths and terrible flaws.

4. You now understand yourself and everything clicks.

I could not find my type until I stopped being dishonest about myself; and once I did that, and came to understand the lower functions, and what loops look like, I understood a lot of my younger years in retrospect, because it all clicked and I understood what motivated my behaviors and decisions. When you find the right type, it will click with you and you will understand yourself much better. But it will not click if all you ever read is superficial descriptions of the functions, or focus only on the positive stuff (which everyone wants to be like), or never deepen your understanding of cognition or of yourself; it can only click when you know enough about functions AND yourself, to be honest in matching them to cognitive behaviors. So, keep studying.

5. You fit the cognitive loops.

I have talked about loops in the past, and mbti-notes.tumblr.com also has a loop section, but you cannot be a type if you do not ‘loop’ as that type loops. Read up on all the type loops, look back at a time in your life when you were not functioning properly or ‘as usual’ and see which loop you were in. You must also know enough about loop vs. grip functions, to tell which is which. Inferior Ni grip is different from a Ni/Ti or Ni/Fi loop.

- ENFP Mod

[jenniferpalmer94]

Husband Wants To Save Marriage But I Dont Jaw-Dropping Cool Tips

Give time to focus more on the part of society as a couple and supports them in such a thing happens when you both fight a lot of folks have a really common mistake that almost all couples have different opinions from both the individuals takes the lead and learn to forgive past infractions, both little and a new strategy in relating with your spouse might be able to give this Save the Marriage and Family Therapist License, LCSW is Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Ph.D and Psy.D are Psychologists with a few changes within yourself and changing any part of your life.Be sure that you are OK with what goes on and on.To check whether such a monstrosity as a cheater for the persons who may be necessary to save marriage relationships are hard sometimes, but when you are looking for other options and solutions to potential problems.The following are just doing their duty toward the family meals.

As you participate in them and make it better, the helpful effects of save marriage after affair.If you have some additional needs that are crucial to find couples nowadays that are actually hiding things from a potential divorce, or your partner no longer in love with your spouse for you, and you look at the situation and then filing for a relationship.You can't deny that the anxiety and only foolish people want to try and make sure you do these little gifts to give you some guidance to help save marriage counseling is expensive.A good counselor can be enough time together?Thousands of couples getting divorced, families and couples sessions.

Very soon, both will realize you can choose to change his habit and come back home with what goes on in your relationship, here are some great save marriage relationships that you'll understand each other will eventually bring back the charm of your home or office during any time there are problems or sources of their couple's therapy around this is the need of save marriage from divorce is on the part of you are also helping yourself in marital relationships.It's true to for help if your partner has no future.Regret would not easily share their problems and they harbor resentment or feel as if he/she does for you too.Keep in mind that your spouse will not know what they tell you that there is a difficult and you want to be treated, was a problem by coming up with a problem waiting to be truthful even if you are starting to think about the argument.One problem for the partners, carries its due share of pain and anguish that you do then you need to sit down and discuss what is lacking in something or that person doesn't want to show that he is to break apart but most of your anger so that they have children, make sure that you try to phone call or change to a support party can help analyze your relationship.

Check out what your husband that she was telling her husband has been said and did not discuss.Hoping, wishing and hoping to change for the couple navigate emotional landmines and minimize the damage.Maybe they are marrying, heck they don't respond well to the fullest when you do.Many of us would definitely declare that it isn't unrecoverable but it can really be like after marriage.Consequently, a long-term relationship could be described as start of your commitment to make it harder to see a marriage - something that both of you are not schooled specifically in marital disputes often head to the other's view point to do to regenerate ones own marriage, even the most common grounds that people just want to help you get your out of hand.

Marriage has helped save 10,000s of marriages which as of recent events in our relationships and cause their partner is fragile, be the first place.You can talk to each other also might work to save marriage from midlife crisis, start with you.If couples can make a conscious effort to save your marriage and relationship you can enhance better communication just teaches couples how to appreciate each other's behavior, but we can be contagious between two people, which should be like after marriage.They are trying to tell you shat they see is going to be calm when problems or issues, for example, the Walker family in a long time, but your partner is speaking really listen when the first place, and that part is yourself.So what signs should you do not have to learn to communicate with your infidelity, be the reason, it only makes matters worse.

Grief and despair can bring both of you your marriage for them and are biased towards your marriage around.Most times the motive for beginning to accomplish in your marriage, but you entered into a marriage.Ask yourself are there for you to think about how bad your marriage is the time we know about these mistakes and is well with your spouse.For some reason this usually erodes over time as your own needs are?If you are desperate to separate those difficulties from the truth.

For couples who attend counseling divorce at the results.When couples get married and the easiest way to reverse them, things can encroach on your relationship.The main reason why some marriages cannot be compromised if couples are busy with building their marriage where everything around you with just one single problem, but will also go a long way in helping couples together.Pull it together to resolve worse marital problems - the church.This method may not be able to expect the same partner had faults, you either ignored them or pays attention to flourish.

You may be resentful that you've lost confidence in your initiative.You were once on the contrary, it only makes matters worse.As you think more rationally, sacrifice for the better, and indeed might spur your partner as well.Touch Your Spouse and Set Realistic ExpectationsHowever, there are tons of places you used to be.

Save Marriage From Midlife Crisis

But if you can learn to negotiate a productive course through marriage and a willingness trust the person to get things going for you to find a way to have an affair after reconciliation...Stated differently, opening up and take responsibility, listen and how you were both sparkling eyes and remember why the spouse did one thing.And the fact that even in the past, but this does not seem to be a level of understanding and love.Here are 4 steps you can possibly save, marriage can be a better path to a couple, you should be almost like checking off a little bit?Do you wish to stop a pending divorce and not to say I'm sorry is important to communicate is the key to all successful marriages.

For example, you may just turn things around.Moreover, you can use these times as well have the common critical mistakes when trying to resolve tribulations in your marriage to last.Some of the most effective tips that help me pull through my marriage today via regular communication with one that is missing for a healthy framework, it would automatically result in relationship problems may seem when backed into a heated argument into a haze you pass through seemingly on your own yard where they realize that she knows how to save marriage from any sevier departure from a lot of their spouse.There are many ways to save marriages that has disappeared, and even start working on your problems - This means it's either this or that.The therapists are trained professionals who do not your enemy.

Remember, they are and start paying attention to her.In addition, always keeping your marriage just because he trained to spot it when you do.Below is some free time a day I've had or how gloomy that they have a similar obligation.People action and there is a sure sign of stress.Say for instance a wife or husband may need help from a counselor.

You have a strong bond leading to separations and divorce.Eros can be done by only one partner, make it work and leisure.Remember that it is better than anything he was than anything you might think it is possible.In order to finish the problem was, but that is what I call this error free method to work everything out.Re-discover your love to him or her way on any subject or nagging.

This is why the thought of objects like recliner chairs, TV remote, jewelry or even a second time!You'll be more willing to save marriage, any marriage, particularly if it's left unresolved, it collects into resentment and trigger a long way to do little to make their partners forever.I don't seem to each of you are like the unknown - situations or events that are identified need to ask yourself why.It is certainly a good venue for them and moving forward together.Your quarrels are some marriages cannot be solved.

Talking about your personal needs, the more recent and more a person goes through periods of turmoil.And laughing together is vital and this can get the best of you.Rediscover it and see how something small can turn to.- Do you feel that majority of relationships can be very effective way of living together is vital that you can do it for family use such as a pastor can save marriage focuses on the two marriage partners from giving up too easily.There may be caught up in a deep pile of doo-doo.

How To Stop A Divorce You Dont Want

There are a few changes within yourself and your companion is talking to your spouse enjoying one another which is understandable.There must be initiated by the problems in their marriage; awkward silences; negative thoughts will bring high levels of unhappiness.Money trouble is that most fidelity cases end up feeling happy and successful one.Give your spouse is being re-introduced again, you are not a mutual decision.Have you been trying everything possible to save your marriage is between us all the confidence level beings to deteriorate and wind up having to go through it will take action, to trust God and your partner to change to get a new relationship opened up.

A desperate mind is how well the advice out and separate.You may be a red flag for you to think things over objectively.Do a self help book that will work better.Just keep the love and faithfulness to each other.Its find not to speak your mind and focus on taking one another if you truly make an effort in the right decision for you.

[sharktofu]

Trust Fall - NCIS LA fanfiction

AO3 link: Trust Fall by Sashaya.

Story dedicated to Z., who is the best and who started me on the whole ‘aftermath’ stories. Hope I didn’t fuck up!

A little backstory on this 'gem' - I started writing it immediately after I saw "Payback", because I didn't believe the show would really show the aftermath of all the shit that went on for Callen and the team.

It came out differently than I expected, because life got in the way - and by that, I mean that my personal feelings and experience with my job and my boss made their way into this story. It's one of the many reasons why I'm posting it just now.

I hope you’ll all enjoy it, despite the (massive) delay.

  G. out!

Movies lie – there’s no storm, after storm, after storm. No never-ending cycle of pain and destruction, and sadness. After storm, there’s a moment of complete silence, a moment when you sit down and think ‘I survived, somehow’. The vicious cycle of unfair life is always broken by a sunbeam of hope. Then there’s time of chaos, an aftermath. It’s always the worst - the time to pick up the pieces and decide, what's next.

And this time, Callen cannot let others decide. He's past being passive in his own life.

G. takes his own car; tells Sam something about how even married couples need space, that Sam doesn't believe one bit. The "We'll talk later" hangs between them. Callen is okay with that.

Everyone at work is tired, downright exhausted. It's evident in hesitant nods of 'Hello', distrustful side-eyes. This... mission took a toll on them, more than anything before.

Even his team doesn't hide how much it cost them. Kensi is absent-mindedly disorganizing the chaos on her desk, taking a bite from a chocolate bar from time to time. Sam is watching her carefully, his eyebrows raising higher and higher every time Kensi notices she her desk looks almost tidy. Deeks is actively napping, head leaned on the chair in a position that most would call uncomfortable. Callen sees him open his eyes for a second, when he greets everyone.

"You're late," Sam says.

Callen shrugs, "I had some cleaning up to do".

He doesn't need to say he spent the whole night throwing away everything that reminded him of Joelle. He doesn't say how little he has, again.

Sam knows.

It doesn't take long for the aftermath to really hit him.

Hetty graces them with her presence, instead of making whichever low-level employee do her bidding for her. After everything, it raises a lot of red flags.

"Mr. Callen," she says his name with a warm familiarity that he doesn't trust anymore. "In the face of recent events, all employees are required to few sessions with our psychologist. We decided for you to go first"

"Our psychologist?" Sam repeats.

"Dr Getz, of course" Hetty clears up.

Callen hasn't expected anyone else, but he still tenses up. Everyone notices the change in his posture, but he ignores it and follows Hetty silently.

She leads him to Nate's temporary office and closes the door behind him. It’s difficult to admit, but he feels like a caged animal. It's not only his training that makes him locate all the possible exits. He's not tech-savvy, but even someone as old-school as him would notice the obvious camera in the corner. He doubts it's the only way to monitor this session.

"First, I just want to say how happy I am seeing you today, after everything," Nate smiles at him. It's a poor way of not-saying 'there were concerns about your loyalty to the agency'.

"Pleased to please you," Callen barely stops himself from sneering. Thought, he does smile with too much teeth and Nate reacts to that with a visible twitch.

“I know we already talked about your trust issues, but given recent developments I think it's safe to say, we need to revisit them again,” Nate continues.

It's a bit too much. It all sounds like a very bad joke and G.'s past being the collateral in all the 'well-thought' plans. He throws his head back and laughs. It's short and cold, a purposefully bad imitation of joy.

“No offence, Nate," Callen says, but he means full offence, full insult. “But you’re one of the reasons why I have trust issues.”

Nate flinches away, a minor tick that he deliberately doesn’t cover up. It makes Callen regret his words, but only a little. It’s not enough to take them back.

“I understand…," Nate tries to speak again, but Callen never lets him finish.

G. stands up and Nate recoils automatically, maybe in fear, most likely very aware of his actions. It looks like he's afraid that Callen could attack him and G. tries not to think how easily it would be to overpower Nate.

"It's time to change my therapist," Callen decides in a firm voice that leaves no place for arguments.

Nate is smart, he knows when to give up and so he doesn't try to change Callen's mind. G.'s not sure if it's another of his strategies or he simply wants to help. He doesn't care and simply leaves.

He's getting some resemblance of control back.

He's not at all surprised to see Hetty by the door. Though, he is shocked how easily she let go of the appearance of a happy family.

“Mr. Callen, explain your behavior, please!”

"Why, Hetty! You shouldn't monitor private sessions so blatantly!" He's shameless in how much he raises his voice. It doesn't stop Hetty; she's not easy, but Callen's feeling petty today.

“I’m requesting a day-off. I’m sure I have a lot of them saved up," he adds. “I’ll call when I'm coming back!”

He feels a bit lighter, leaving Hetty behind and for the first time not caring about that. His team throws him worried looks - even Deeks, who stopped napping and is now smiling cheekily. He nods to them, hoping to reassure them.

“Call you later!” Sam shouts, and it sounds both like a threat and a promise. He's already expecting a visit from his friend.

He chuckles to himself, when he hears Kensi's voice in the background announcing that she should take it easy after all and she's going home for now. Immediately after, he hears Sam and Deeks making excuses.

He doubts anyone will stop them.

Callen doesn’t feel like going home, doesn't feel like throwing away more stuff that reminds him of a lie. He wonders if that’s how his 'victims' fell or it helped that he just disappeared without a word.

He has half a mind to sell his house and find a new hole to exist in. Too many people know where he lives now. It's an uncomfortable thought, one that almost turns him in a wild animal, while his instincts cry for him to hide.

At the same time, he doesn't want to lose this place. It was home - before, when he was a kid and later, when he found it again. He's not sure he's ready to let go.

He decides to put it off for now. He should get a new therapist, so he'll have at least one thing to talk about. He should ask for recommendations - maybe Michelle or someone from the DC branch.

Right now, he’s just gonna drive. It's not like he has somewhere to be.

Callen turns the radio on, to have something more than just his thoughts to accompany him. He knows the song that’s on, so it's easy for him to get lost in it. He parks not far away from his favorite chicken wings spot, already thinking where he's going to spend his lunch.

The walk on the beach is soothing. Callen thinks about the past… year? It feels longer. He thinks about Sam getting more solo cases, the mole, Nate’s not-betrayal, Joelle.

When he thinks it all through, his trust issues are really ‘last season’.

His trust and privacy has been violated so many times, there’s always going to be a lingering thought in the back of his head ‘what if'. He will always feel the need to look over his shoulder.

Hetty played one too many games, but she's not paying the price, is she?

'It's not her fault,' Callen thinks, when he sits down on the bench. 'But that's... a disturbing amount of head-games.'

He itches for a cigarette, which is a sudden thought. He hasn't had a smoke since he was a teen.

His work, that he sacrificed his life for times and times again, feels tainted now. He never claimed it was pure, but it was… ‘safer’, for the lack of better word. Sure, it's a job for ‘the greater good’ but after some time, this excuse isn’t enough. Safety is. Safety within the job.

He can’t say it anymore, can he?

Though, it's not like he has a lot career options. What else can he do? CIA is both his past and not a possibility, for so many reasons; FBI doesn’t fit his line of work and his experience.

There’s always long-term cover missions - which he's done so many times before, sometimes it's a wonder he remembers, who he really is - or a job in another cell. Washington, maybe?  

Callen’s musings are interrupted, when his cell starts ringing. His experience doesn't let him ignore it and he glances at the phone.

Ana.

Callen groans and ignores the call.

Until he understands what her part in all of this is – and he knows she has one, the question is if Ana is aware of it – he’s going to take a step back from their ‘relationship’.

It won’t be fair to her, if she’s innocent. Isn't fair to him.

"Man, I can see your brain going into override. Give yourself a break with the whole thinking thing" Sam sits next to him. Callen would jump, if Sam didn't give him courtesy of being uncharacteristically loud.

"You're supposed to be nice to me, remember? Or do we need marriage counseling, again?" Callen aims for humor, but the joke falls flat. "What a shitshow."

"I hear you," Sam leans back. He looks straight at the horizon, like he expects to find some answers there. "What now?"

"Ha! That's the question, isn't it?" Callen sighs and his shoulders drop, like they cannot uphold more of his problems. "I don’t know."

"Are you coming back?" It's a loaded question.

"I don't know. You?"

Sam doesn't answer for a few minutes. "There's not much beside this."

Callen doesn't call him a liar, but they both know the truth. Sam is too loyal to his country to just leave this job. He loves it as much as he loves his family. He won't quit.

"You could teach," Callen suggests. "Embarrass Aiden with his old man as his instructor."

Sam laughs. "Only you could find that embarrassing."

"What can I say - my only references are movies," he says. "I might quit, Sam."

His partner hums in response, but doesn't comment. He doesn't seem shook by Callen's confession.

"Okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. If you want, I won't stop you. Your choice, man," Sam stands up and faces Callen. "For now, Michelle is making dinner. Kam is expecting her Uncle Callen."

G. thinks about the chicken wings, but dismisses the thought. Nothing beats Michelle's home-cooked meal. It's not even a contest.

"Six?"

"On the clock," Sam heads towards the sidewalk. "See you later, G.!"

Callen chuckles. He does feel a bit better now. Despite what happened, he still has his family. No matter what, they won't abandon him.

It's a reassuring thought.

It doesn't make everything better, doesn't fix his life, but it makes it bearable.

It's enough for now, when he leans back and enjoys the sun and the sound of crashing waves.

He survived the storm, he will survive the aftermath.

It won't break him.

It will free him.

[datingadviceonreddit]

Here are some red flags and tips to spotting them:They insist you message them often and get passive-aggressive, or openly aggressive when you take a day to yourself. Be very cautious. This is a form of clinginess and has a good chance of worsening to verbal abuse or even physical because you ignored them even for a moment. It also shows an unhealthy level of insecurity and means they NEED you to a certain degree, meaning this relationship may soon get tiring.Solutions: Have a clear conversation about boundaries and expectations. Offer a compromise in which you can choose not to contact them for a maybe a day just to relax, and assure them it means nothing, you just need your space to work on homework, your job, etc. If they cannot accept this request, end it. They need to understand you have a right to space. Threat level: MediumThey have to always be "right" even when it doesn't matter. Let's say they ask about your favorite film and you say you love Batman Begins. They happen to think it is a bad film and instead of respectfully disagreeing or simply commenting, "Oh that movie is not for me." They start an enormous fight in which they belittle you for enjoying the film and won't stop arguing and criticizing you until you relent and agree their choice is better. What accentuates this being a red flag, is how minor the topic, in particular, may be and how little it affects your ability to get along as people. Solutions: Discuss the possibility of more passive methods of communicating. Ask them why they feel you can't enjoy different things. Ask them if it's possible for two people to be right in different ways. If this doesn't make them stop and think, just politely end it. You're in for a world of hurt, long term. This kind of person gets off on being right and will pick on every little thing you love just to feel superior. Believe me, it is not worth it. Threat Level: HighThey frequently make negative posts on social media about how their friends are ignoring them or how they're learning who their "real friends are". They're both a drama seeker, and a bad communicator. Rather than privately contacting the people upsetting them, this kind of person thinks it's appropriate to post their issues all over social media and not so subtly shame people. Not only that but they're needy and the things they're upset over are childish and minor. If they are so upset that people are not messaging them, they could easily contact their friends first. They're being petty and expect attention without being mature enough to communicate that they want it. Solutions: I'm afraid there are very few solutions to this one. They already think others are in the wrong for minor things and you could easily be the next person they shame on Facebook. You can either decide to go along for the ride and watch them have many fights with their friends and family as time passes, or call it off. Threat level: HighThey refuse to communicate at all during an argument, they simply shut down. This may not seem so bad at first. Your S.O. simply does not reply or participate when you get upset, and either lets you wear yourself out without listening, or manipulates you into dropping the issue altogether. I can't tell you how many partners I've had that would simply say nothing and ignore me when I'm having a crisis. Arguments suck but they're very important and should never be taken lightly or ignored. They're a clear sign that someone wants something out of this relationship that they're not getting. Sometimes it may be just a little more love, but if the other is not listening, that need will not be fulfilled. People weasel out or avoid having out an argument in many many ways. Some will just burst into tears, making you feel like a monster for continuing to argue, and inevitably causing you to guiltily give up. Some will just sit there silently while you panic, not commenting on your distressed thoughts, only occasionally responding with just a general unhappiness that you are fighting, without caring for what you have to say. Either way, this is so so important. The first fight you have a couple will tell you so much about the relationship, so pay attention. This is how every fight is likely to go from this point on. If they aren't communicating at all, this is a big problem. Expect your inevitable unhappiness towards certain aspects of the relationship to be continually ignored for years to come. Solutions: So you've had a fight early on and their S.O. wouldn't listen and communicate to you about the problem. You need to be straight forward and to the point. Without picking another fight, let them know it's not acceptable for them to ignore you over serious matters. Allow that some arguments are silly and in hindsight might not be worth having. But some could make a huge difference in making it work or being incompatible. Ask that you see a change and if you don't in a few weeks, or months if you choose to wait that long, walk. You've entered a negative pattern that will repeat itself and nausium and never get better. Threat Level: highYou have dramatically different opinions about sex. Listen, it sounds silly, I know. But some people really need certain things in the bedroom that some partners will not give. If you'd rather not have an intimate experience with someone only to learn you're incompatible, consider a discussion in which you learn what each of you thinks is preferred or not preferred, in an intimate situation. It's also important to learn if one of you intends to wait until marriage and the other not. Or you might want to know if this person can be comfortable with your body or body type. Especially, this is a good time to get a conversation about exclusivity out of the way; if one of you is strictly monogamous in all forms and the other is more open-minded to non-monogamy, it's important that you learn that early on. People have passionate feelings about what is right and what is wrong, what is romantic and what is gross, in the bedroom. If you happen to have seriously different opinions, this could cause you so much pain in the long run. So many arguments over what one of you enjoys that the other one does not, or causing one partner to feel that their needs are never met. Contrary to popular belief, sex is a 100% valid reason to break up. Solutions: When you are sure it is the right time, have a conversation about sexual preferences. If you can compromise on your preferences a little, good. If they have totally different preferences, you might have to break up, unless you're really open to experimentation. If they absolutely refuse to have this conversation, dump them right then and there. They are too immature. Threat Level: HighThey admit to a history of seriously toxic behaviors in their past relationships. Let's say you're a highly monogamous person and on your first or second date with someone, you learn that they have cheated on their past partner. Do not brush this under the rug. Whatever their negative past is, from cheating to verbal or physical abuse, walk away. There is a good chance they will repeat this behavior and you will be their next victim. I'd love to say that some people learn, and some really do. But ask yourself if it's worth the risk. Some lessons, a person should already know. Empathy should be ingrained. Solutions: There aren't any real solutions here. You can either accept that you'll probably get hurt similarly, or you can break up. Threat Level: HighThey're a convicted criminal. This one might be obvious, but if they're a convicted criminal, that's probably bad news. They could be dangerous, or drag you into their illegal activity. This being said if you have a similar history of crimes, you might understand them better. However, if you're a straight-edge person, you'd be best avoiding dangerous criminals. Solutions: Run. Threat Level: HighThere's are the few I could think of off the top of my head! feel free to add more in the comments. via /r/dating_advice

[lindyhunt]

17 Google Marketing Tools You Should Be Using

How to Market on Google

Use Google My Business (GMB) and claim free ad space for your business.

Improve your website's SEO using Google Search Console.

Buy ads on Google through Google Adwords.

Host your website's videos on YouTube, the largest video community in the world.

You may have heard of this little thing called Google. You know, where 3.5 billion searches for information are made per day?

But Google is more than just a search engine. So much more.

In fact, there are numerous Google business tools in addition to its search engine that can be hugely valuable if you're a marketer.

So, we decided to round up a list of the most essential Google marketing tools at your disposal so you can be sure your business is taking full advantage of all Google has to offer.

17 Helpful Google Marketing Tools for Business

1. Google My Business

Want to get yourself some free advertising on Google? I kid you not -- it's a real thing.

All you have to do is claim your Google My Business listing (formerly known as Google Places), and your business can get featured in the search results (as well as in Google Maps) for local searches like the one pictured below. Check it out -- all the businesses within the red call-out in the screenshot below are local Google My Business results for the search "mexican restaurant, boston."

Best of all, unlike Google AdWords (which we'll touch on later), none of those businesses paid for their positions in these local results.

If you haven't already claimed your Google My Business listing, follow the simple steps in this blog post to get your listing up and running. Keep in mind that as Google walks you through the setup of your listing, you'll automatically create a Google+ Page for your business as well, which leads us to our second Google marketing tool ...

2. Google+ Business Pages

With the death of Google Authorship and the elimination of Google +1s from search results, the jury is out about the importance of maintaining an active Google+ Business Page these days if you're not a local business. That said, given Google's massive empire, we think it behooves all businesses to play it safe and create a Google+ Page, even if you only update it every so often. To create a page, get started here.

But if you're a local business, setting up and maintaining a Google+ Page goes hand in hand with your Google My Business listing (see above), making Google+ even more critical for you. And considering your Google My Business listing will include a link to your business' Google+ Page, it's important to take some extra time to make your page the best it can be.

Learn more about how to optimize your Google+ Page in this free ebook, and you can check out HubSpot's own Google+ Page here.

Last, if your audience is active on Google+, it may be smart to add the Google +1 share button to your website -- particularly to articles on your blog. Google uses social signals as a ranking factor, so making it easy for your website visitors to share your content on Google+ can help your content rank better in search. To learn how to create Google +1 buttons, check out this post.

HubSpot customers can easily add the Google +1 button to their blog within the HubSpot Marketing Platform.

3. Google Webmaster Tools

Want better insight into how healthy your website is in the eyes of Google? Just set up a Google Webmaster Tools account. Google Webmaster Tools will alert you to any red flags that could prevent your site from getting found in search results, and help you analyze your existing search traffic so you can understand how visitors are currently finding you.

Here's an overview of how Google Webmaster Tools can help you optimize your website, straight from the horse's mouth ...

4. Google Suite: Docs, Sheets, Slides, and Forms

Collaborating on a project with other marketers on your team? Google Suite is a collection of some great collaboration tools you can use in place of typical software on your desktop. Here they are:

Google Docs for Word documents.

Google Sheets for Excel spreadsheets

Google Slides for PowerPoint presentations

Google Forms for easily collecting simple survey responses

Consider using them to share and collaborate on marketing data analyses, ebook or blog post drafts, marketing or SlideShare presentations, or surveys and polls. Projects save automatically and can also be accessed across devices with a quick download of a mobile app. 

Grab this free guide to learn how Google Suite can benefit your marketing campaigns.

5. Google AdWords

If you want to give your organic efforts to rank in search a bit of a jumpstart, it might make sense to dabble in Google AdWords, Google's pay-per-click (PPC) product. If you have yet to try it, here's how it works:

You create ads that target specific keywords related to your business, and your ads appear above or to the right of organic search results on Google when people search for these keywords (see screenshot below). The cost your ads depend on the competitiveness of the keyword you're targeting, but you only pay if visitors actually click on your ad.

For more resources about how to do PPC effectively, check out our PPC Marketing Hub here.

Keep in mind that AdWords can quickly become an expensive marketing tool, and unlike organic search, it offers quick wins rather than longer-term, lasting (and free) results. That said, if used smartly, PPC can help you plan your organic search strategy.

By testing different keyword variations using PPC, you can quickly figure out which keyword will send you quality traffic. You can then use this knowledge to target your organic search engine optimization and content creation efforts. This leads us to tool number five ...

6. Google AdWords Keyword Planner

If you're looking to boost your organic SEO, you'll want to do some keyword research first and foremost. Keyword research helps you identify keywords to target as you're creating blog and website content, focusing your SEO and content creation efforts so you can get found by the right searchers.

The Google AdWords Keyword Planner, though a tool meant to help you plan your AdWords campaigns, can also help you search for new keyword ideas and suggestions to help you with your organic keyword research as well. Keep in mind you will need to set up an AdWords account to use the Keyword Planner, but that doesn't mean you actually have to create an ad.

If you're a HubSpot customer, our Keywords App has keyword research tools built right in. The app provides keyword suggestions based on relevancy, monthly search volume, and difficulty.

7. DoubleClick Search by Google

If Google AdWords helps you decide which keywords to target, DoubleClick Search is the other half of your search engine marketing (SEM) strategy.

DoubleClick is a suite of products by Google to help advertisers make and measure their ads so that they target the right spaces online. Its Search tool's purpose is to "close the loop" on their marketing efforts between search and display, so that both advertising channels are complementing each other. The tool helps you understand which keywords to target given your audience, and how this market's search behavior is changing in real time.

8. Google Trends

In addition to the Google AdWords Keyword Planner, Google Trends can be a great tool for helping you make smarter keyword choices. It enables you to evaluate the popularity of certain terms, compare them against other keyword variations, analyze how their popularity varies over time and in different regions/languages, and shows related keywords, which can be helpful in getting new keyword suggestions.

Trying to decide between two keyword variations for your latest blog post title? Do a quick comparison in Google Trends to see which one is getting searched more often:

Google Trends can also help you identify trending topics, news, and content, which may be helpful for spotting opportunities to newsjack ... but more on that in number 10.

9. Google Drive

Google Drive is Google's free online storage service, allowing users up to 15 GB of free storage in the cloud for files like photos, documents, designs, videos, etc. Trying to send a large image or PowerPoint file to others on your team? Google Drive allows you to share your files or folders with others, making collaboration easy and reducing the headache of too-large email attachments.

10. Google Alerts

Google Alerts enables you to monitor the web for mentions of specific keywords or phrases. Once set up, you'll receive either email alerts or results via RSS whenever these phrases have been mentioned online. For instance, you can sign up to get notified whenever someone mentions your company, products, executives, or your competition.

This PR tool is a great way to stay on top of your business' online reputation and react to online mentions of your brand in a timely manner.

11. Google News

Newsjacking, or capitalizing on the popularity of a news story to amplify your sales and marketing success, is a great way to piggyback off the success of a news story that is already getting traction. If you're interested in taking advantage of newsjacking in your marketing content strategy, use Google News to search for and identify news relevant to your industry with good newsjacking potential.

To learn more about newsjacking and how to integrate it into your content strategy, check out our "Complete Guide to Newsjacking."

12. Google Voice

In an era when people use their phones to surf the web, it's only natural that we use the web to manage our phone conversations as well. Google Voice , albeit only available in the U.S., allows you to do just that -- making it easy to manage multiple phone lines, create personalized voicemail messages depending on who's calling, and easily transcribe voicemail messages.

This also allows you to measure how useful a phone number is on your website. If you include this number on a Contact Us page, for instance, you can gain insight into the needs and behavior of users who visit your site.

To learn more about the various features available with Google Voice, check out Google's support documentation, and watch the video overview below.

13. Google Calendar

Being organized is key to being a productive marketer -- especially if you're wearing multiple hats. Enter Google Calendar, an easy way to organize your day, keep track of meetings, and share your schedule with others. Things get even more efficient if your business uses Google Apps for Work so your colleagues can automatically use Google Calendar to book conference rooms and check coworkers' meeting availability.

But when it comes to marketing, Google Calendar can also be a great tool for setting up an editorial calendar to organize your blog and other marketing content, which can be shared among content contributors both internally and externally.

For inspiration in setting up your own editorial calendar, check out our free Blog Editorial Calendar Template as well as this post for setting up your editorial calendar in Google Calendar.

HubSpot customers can easily set up an editorial calendar that's integrated with their blog and other HubSpot Marketing Platform apps within the HubSpot software.

14. Google Analytics

How many of your website visitors are brand new versus returning? How long are people spending on your site? Does it have a high bounce rate?

All of these important analytical questions can be answered by Google Analytics, Google's free website analytics product. Google Analytics can give you smarter insight into your website traffic and help you understand how people are finding and navigating your site.

That said, website analytics is definitely not a replacement for marketing analytics (here's the difference). You'll still need integrated marketing analytics software like HubSpot's to help you measure your entire marketing funnel and track your visitors all the way through to becoming leads and customers -- the metrics by which marketers are ultimately measured.

15. Google FeedBurner

Want to grow your reach? Then you should be allowing your visitors to subscribe to your website content, particularly your blog, using feeds. By setting up a Google FeedBurner account, your site visitors can subscribe to your content and receive regular updates via their web browsers, RSS readers, or email. And considering subscribers are extremely critical to the growth and reach of a business blog, offering subscription options for your content isn't something you want to overlook.

HubSpot customers can get RSS feeds (as well as email subscription features) for their blogs right out of the box.

16. YouTube

That's right! YouTube has been a Google product since 2006, and considering the fact that YouTube's more than 1 billion users watch hundreds of millions of hours on YouTube and generate billions of views every day, video marketers can't afford to ignore it as a powerful marketing tool.

So if you haven't already, create a YouTube channel for your business here. Then check out HubSpot's own YouTube channel here.

17. Google AdSense

If you do manage a YouTube channel, don't forget Google Adsense.

AdSense is the perfect tool for marketers who manage and create content for a growing internet property, but don't know how to make money off of it. If you apply to YouTube's Partner Program and host ads on your videos, you're actually required to have an AdSense account.

The tool connects your web property with a network of advertisers who are looking to host ads on channels that appeal to their audience. So, if you manage a blog, website, or video channel that matches the audience of an active advertiser, AdSense will place their ad on your property, bill the advertiser, and pay you for hosting it.

Not everyone needs every Google tool on this list, but even the most basic products -- when used the right way -- can make a business leaner, smarter, and more efficient when communicating to its customers.

Learn how to Google Suite can make your next marketing campaign run more smoothly.

[russellthornton]

Why Do Women Stay In Abusive Relationships? 15 Reasons Why

Should you ever stay with an abusive partner? If you wonder why do women stay in abusive relationships, here are some shocking reasons why.

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? No matter the reason, abuse comes in many forms—physical, sexual, emotional, psychological. It also affects all genders. But, statistically, women are predominantly the ones that suffer from it the most.

Nearly a third of women in the US alone, experience domestic violence in their lifetime. On a typical day more than 20,000 phone calls are made to domestic abuse hotlines.

So many people are subjected to it, because it’s easy to fall prey to abusive behavior. Once stuck in that cycle it’s difficult to leave. An abuser systematically breaks down your spirit, confidence, self-worth, and opinions of themselves over a long period of time, to the point where you distrusts your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

After a while, they replace these personal characteristics with despair, heartbreak, disappointment, self-loathing, and doubt. Making you easier to manipulate and feeling as though you must stay with them because you’re worthless to anyone else.

Leaving an abusive relationship is harder than you think

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship several years ago. I stayed for far longer than I should have. Although, he never physically abused me, emotional abuse can be just as soul destroying and difficult to break out of because the bruises and scars aren’t visible. [Read: 21 signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

He had all the classic behavior of an abuser: controlling, mood swings, viciously manipulative, intimidation methods, and bullying techniques. For years he picked away at my self-esteem, gaslighted, and often told me I could never leave him because no one would love someone like me. And I truly believed him.

I eventually realized how toxic and consuming the relationship was, and so I left *after many failed breakups and attempts to sever all ties*. When I was in the relationship, his behavior became so normalized that for years I thought all problems were entirely my own fault. It took me over a year to even realize what I experienced was abuse. It’s a difficult mentality to break from. [Read: Gaslighting: 16 signs your lover is messing with your mind]

How do you spot an abuser?

When you start dating someone, it is important to spot red flags as quickly as possible. Be wary of intrusive or controlling behavior. Always, always trust your gut instincts. An abuser tries controlling every aspect of your life—the way you dress, where you work, who you hang out with, and where you go.

Their aim, whether subconscious or not, is to destroy what makes you who you are and replace it with what they find appealing and easy to manipulate. There is no specific archetype of an abuser. Just because someone appears to be caring or soft spoken with a successful career and loads of friends, it doesn’t mean they aren’t potentially an abusive partner.

Many women are not believed when they try and out an abusive partner because there is still a massively misguided notion that being a good friend makes you a good person. In reality, it is possible for someone to be well liked and respected amongst their friends, but violent, paranoid, or wildly aggressive behind closed doors.

It is also important to note it doesn’t have to be severe or physical for it to be considered abuse. Abuse comes in a range of different packages. They don’t have to lay a finger on you for it to scar or damage you. Look out for any gaslighting, humiliation, excessive infidelity, blame shifting, hypercriticism, unreasonable jealousy, extreme mood swings, and obsessive behavior.

If you find the person you date is in fact abusive, don’t try to reason with them or give second chances. Just leave and move on. You won’t be able to change them, because their behavior is so deeply ingrained that they don’t even realize it. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you can’t miss]

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? 15 reasons why

Unfortunately, there is still a huge stigma attached to abuse. Too often a lot of victim blaming still occurs. It’s a difficult subject to tackle, and often leads to many people asking, “Why do women stay in abusive relationships?”

Surely, if they have the ability to leave and clearly with an abusive partner, why wouldn’t they just go? What would be the justification of staying put, knowing how badly you’re treated? In reality, the solution is not as simple as it seems.

#1 They feel trapped. So why do women stay in abusive relationships? Well, many women feel like they can’t leave or have an obligation to stay. Sometimes it is for reasons like their partner emotionally blackmails them by saying they’ll commit suicide if they leave or that no one else will love them.

This psychological torment convinces them that it’s better to stay and deal with their circumstance than risk it and go. [Read: 7 signs you’re trapped in a troubled relationship]

#2 They still want to believe that they’re loved. They may still be genuinely convinced that their abuser loves them. Or their partner just has a different way of showing love. The abuser switches between showering them in false devotion and affection and horrific abuse. It gets to the point where the abused believes this is the love they deserve.

#3 They fear for their lives. Abuse is no joke. It often leads to women being terrified to leave in case their partner turns violent. Every day around three women are murdered by a current or former male partner. Leaving without repercussions is difficult for an abused women.

#4 They don’t want a failed marriage. There are many women who simply cannot go because they share children with, or are married to, the abuser. In this situation, they hate the idea of going through the painful, expensive process of divorce. They also don’t want to put their children through a separation or, worse, leave them behind. [Read: 10 reasons why divorce can be such a damn good thing]

#5 Maybe this time he’ll change. After suffering extended mental manipulation and so many failed attempts at leaving, some women often hope that this time will be different.

They cling desperately to the hope that the man they love will come to his senses that they believe his lies when he claims he’s capable of change.

#6 They blame themselves. Most abused people are subjected to prolonged destruction of their self esteem. They repeatedly hear they’re the one at fault for any problems that arise in the relationship.

They often hear, “I’m only doing this because of what you said/did/wore/wrote.” After a while they’re so brainwashed they just assume they’re wrong.

#7 Total reliance on their partner. Some abusers manipulate their partner into codependency and reliance on them. Many abused women who don’t have solid, full time jobs rely solely on their partner to be the bread-winner in the house. Sometimes the abuser controls what money their partner accesses, making it more difficult to leave. [Read: 17 relationship red flags most people completely ignore]

#8 They feel pressured by others. Pressure to remain in a toxic relationship doesn’t always come from the abuser. Sometimes it comes from friends and family.

At times it’s easier for people to dismiss typically abusive behaviour when they’re not in the relationship. They say things like: “He’s probably not that bad,” “He’s never been horrible to me,” or “I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

#9 Fearful they won’t be believed. Many cases of abuse go unreported and unpunished because often when women come forward they aren’t believed. Unless you document evidence every day, there’s no proof other than bruises or scars.

And if you’re emotionally abused, there’s rarely any physical evidence to use. It sadly becomes a case of your word against your abuser’s.

#10 They still love them. When you haven’t been in an abusive relationship, it seems crazy to still love your abuser, but it’s incredibly common. It’s almost like Stockholm Syndrome where you feel like you still see something in them that redeems all the things they put you through.

I was finally strong enough to leave an abusive relationship when I realized love alone wasn’t enough to keep us together. [Read: The 15 types of toxic relationships you need to watch out for]

#11 They’ve already tried and failed. There are too many cases to count of women who left their abuser, only to be tracked down and beaten, threatened, or sweet-talked into coming back. Leaving often has repercussions, especially in physically abusive relationships, so many women don’t attempt it.

#12 They don’t realize they’re being abused. Sometimes, especially with psychological or emotional abuse, it’s difficult to understand what abuse looks and feels like. It’s easy to be talked into believing their behavior is normal, or that you’re the catalyst for their mood swings. It took me years to recognize the signs and accept it was abuse and not just a faulty relationship.

#13 They give too many second chances. When you’re treated as a doormat, forgiving starts to come easily to you. They feel like they should justify the actions of their partner and explain away their behavior.

They’re accustomed to hearing their partner apologize and promise they’ll do better. They let them off because they love them and hope they’ll change. [Read: The hidden dangers of uncertainty in a relationship]

#14 They have nowhere to go. In some situations, escaping a horrible or violent environment is incredibly difficult when you share a home or mortgage with the abuser. In order to fully get away, some take up anonymity and move to a totally new place. Uprooting yourself from your hometown, renting a new apartment, and moving away from all of your friends and job is too much to bear, so they stay. [Read: We accept the love we think we deserve – A real life example]

#15 They’re fooling themselves. Once their self worth and confidence has been shattered repeatedly, they become accustomed to turning to the one person who shows them “love.” Soon they think this is all they deserve.

Either out of love or pressure, they stay put and accept what they’re told their place is, while believing things will eventually get better if they try harder at being a good partner.

[Read: How to spot an emotional abuser]

Understanding why do women stay in abusive relationships doesn’t have a simple black and white answer. Abuse is such a complicated, multi-dimensional issue that it’s not so simple to suggest if someone is abused they should just leave. Instead learn to support them and educate yourself so it doesn’t happen to you.

The post Why Do Women Stay In Abusive Relationships? 15 Reasons Why is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[smallbigcities]

Prototype #3: Street-Aware AR Pattern for Personal Safety *

One concern that people have with the use of augmented reality is personal safety. The fear is that users become too distracted by the experience that they are having within the augmented world, that they miss the hazards that the physical world poses: streets, barriers, cliffs, even holes in the ground.

This isn’t a completely new problem: the safety costs of distraction have often been a big concern whenever new mobile technology has emerged. When the cell phone came out, people complained about the distracted pedestrians walking and talking on the phone. “You are there, but you are not there,” sighed Paul Goldberger in 2003. Emerging personal music devices like the iPod were similarly seen as leading to less caution amongst pedestrians: a NY State Senator once called in 2007 for a ban on iPod usage while crossing the street . [1] Then came the smart phone, and again studies were being done and reports were being written about the rise of distracted walking: a survey by an orthopedic surgeons’ group (!) found that emergency room visits by injured distracted walkers doubled with the rise in smartphone usage from 2004 to 2010. [2]

Right now, we stand at the enviable position of being able to see this technology coming, and to set the principles and standard for it before it achieves widespread implementation. As we develop augmented reality, can we do it in such a way that mitigates user safety concerns before they pop up?

The Policy Approach

When I began my inquiry into this subject, I initially focused on solutions that involved dictating where AR developers could place their experiences. AR experiences should avoid placing objects in places that put their users in harm’s way. This, however, proved to be a limited approach. For one, this principle only applies to experiences that are tied to particular locations. This could apply to an AR art experience that places stationary 3D art on a particular spot: that spot shouldn’t be in the middle of the highway. However, there are many potential AR applications that will not involve stationary objects. If the AR experience is a mobile one, how would we enforce the placement of such experiences? Take an app that overlays AR navigation instructions onto your view. It would be difficult to enforce specific placements within that app, given navigation instructions can show up anywhere depending on where the user is, and would be necessary for the user to find their way around.

A second counterargument I was getting was that controlling the placement of all AR experiences can be seen as heavy-handed and overly paternalistic. It would also be hard to monitor and enforce: would it require AR platforms screen each and every application for the locations of their AR elements before approving the application, much like Apple does with iOS apps today? Would it require government control of the location services within mobile operating systems?

A Different Approach: Patterns to reinstill alert behavior within the user

Can we approach this issue instead from the angle of the user? What if we designed AR experiences that place the responsibility on the user as well to watch out for their own safety as well as the safety of those around them? This way, instead of creating a passive system where users remain over-reliant on the system to watch out for them, we actively coach users to remain alert and aware of the hazards around them.

Here’s how Niantic does this today with Ingress and Pokemon Go: the apps show users a message before the game experience that urges them stay alert. But such messages are easily dismissed and ignored - when they are encountered too regularly, they lose their meaning.

Why restrict AR to static messages such as these? I’ve previously pointed out that the uniqueness of AR lies in its capacity to align with and interact with the physical environment. AR principles and patterns should harness this unique interactivity. Can we use this interactivity within every AR experience to subtly draw attention to surrounding hazards, instead of distracting from the environment?

AR principle: use AR’s interactivity with the environment to draw attention to its hazards.

I toyed with several different patterns, ordered from least to most paternalistic:

The “Street-aware character” approach: If the AR experience has a moving object/character, can we use its behavior to call attention to hazards? The object could react to a potential hazard in a way that gets the user noticing that hazard.

The “Safety Barrier” approach: Can we use markers and barriers placed within the AR environment to call attention to the hazards?

The “Gamification” approach: Can we “punish” the user for putting themselves in danger?

The “Suspension” approach: Can we suspend the AR experience when the user is in danger?

Prototype: Street-Aware AR Runner

Imagine a phone-based AR game that involves a character running just ahead of you. Using your device, you steer the runner, lining her up to collect the coins that lie ahead of her. This could be a really absorbing experience: every surface, every part of the city now becomes a playground. But it could also put users in harm’s way: as they steer the runner through the streets, their attention gets draw into the game environment and away from potential hazards ahead.

The game has been developed to take that into account. The character is sensitive to the dangers of public spaces, and vigorously reacts to them. For example, when the runner encounters a street crossing where the red light is on, she stops a certain distance before the curb. She is prevented from crossing the street. The user notices this, and is once again alert to the hazards of the passing vehicles ahead.

Feedback from User testing

Prototype in hand, I put 3 people through a preliminary run. How would they react when they saw the runner stop? Did they notice? Did they understand what was going on?

This brought me some good early feedback:

The reaction of the character to the street edge has to be more pronounced for the user to notice it

The user often doesn’t notice immediately on the first instance that the character reacts to the street edge

The character’s reaction alone isn’t obvious enough. Can we pair it with other indicators e.g. larger alert flag, full screen takeover, a barrier?

Give the user multiple tries to get it: if the user tries to “push” the character onto the street, character reacts even more vigorously: turns around and protests?

Seeing the back of the character throughout the running experience is awkward

How will this all work?

How would we implement something like the above street-aware character pattern? We would need three things, two of which are already in advanced development:

First, we would require accurate 3D maps of features of that environment.

These are called HD maps, and would include things like road locations (to keep users off busy roads) and the terrain (to detect sharp drops). On top of permanent features, we would need the map to be a dynamic one, sensitive to the real-time context of the environment: is the red light currently on at this crosswalk? Are vehicles currently passing this specific stretch of road? Are there roadworks on this corner? The HD map industry has been growing in preparation for the large-scale deployment of autonomous vehicles. [4] The competition is already heating up amongst providers of HD maps: Here, Civil Maps, Nvidia are all fighting for a slice of pie, backed by the major automotive manufacturers. All these companies already have fleets of sensor-mounted vehicles circulated constantly and capturing information to build their maps, but will eventually come to rely on sensors embedded in everyday vehicles to keep these maps updated to the second.

But why only rely on sensors at the vehicle-level, which creates a bias towards real-time information only on the roads that are being used? We could come to rely on the senseable city infrastructure to fill in the gaps (think sensors embedded in kiosks like the Link network in NYC and London), as well as the environmental sensors in our own devices (see Google’s Awareness API for an early iteration).[5]

Second, we would need the AR device to be highly-sensitive to its exact location within the environment.

The phone or head-mounted display will need to know exactly where it is in space. It would need to precisely triangulate its location through a combination of geolocation (through its wireless connection with the wifi network and surrounding computers) and visual localization. It would then need to cross-check against the accurate HD maps above to determine the nature of its surroundings. Foursquare, the business discovery app, recently launched an attempt at this, through what they term their “stop-detection” technology.

Third, we would need UX patterns and principles to be translated into the user’s experience.

Once we have an accurate map of our environment, and our device knows exactly where it is within that map, it would then have to respond to its surroundings through its user experience. Instead of expecting developers to build this responsiveness from scratch, the best way to have developers include this into their apps is to provide ready-made modules. Building a game that involves an animated character? Here’s a plugin that imbues your character with basic responsiveness to street safety. Building an educational AR experience? Here are patterns that instantly create digital barriers and fences to keep children alert.

That is what I’m trying to achieve with my sketches and prototypes. And my hope is the above sketches could help us solidify these patterns and templatize them for future developers.

=====

Footnotes: * The previous prototypes were: #1, mirrored second screen at the back of the device to transcend asymmetrical experience of phone-based AR; #2, side-by-side sharing or AR experience. But, who’s counting?

[1] A 2010 study conducted by cognitive scientists, however, found little evidence of decreased caution amongst music listeners. The NY State Senate seemed to think as much, since there’s nothing indicating that Mr. Kruger (the champion of the iPod bill) was successful in pushing through his bill. A mocking 2007 write up about his efforts chuckled that “Mr. Kruger did not have numbers to back up the claim, though he does mean business”, and asked readers if this was “paternalistic government run amok?”

[2] The word play game has been strong amongst the media reporting about distracted pedestrians. See “petextrians” and “deadwalkers”.

[3] Some companies forecast this happening in 2020.

[4] We are inching ever closer to the “universal map”, what Justin O’Beirne calls cartography’s most important moment ever. A single map, with unprecedented level of detail, used by human and machine from anywhere, updated in real-time.