#I want them to clearly articulate the things I’ve done to them

[vizthedatum]

Always with the illusion of choice unless they’re love-bombing you.

[rotyoursoul]

Can you write about Illumi's wife comforting their daughter after a brutal training session, and the daughter is questioning why her father and grandparents do what they do....with Illumi listening in

(I hope you like it!)

You hadn’t entirely adopted your husbands stoicism and your intuition nagged that your daughter would be the same.

In infancy she was her most finicky, Illumi placing her back in your arms then leaving the room.

Toddler years to early childhood proved the same, except now her father’s stare - devoid of emotion yet somehow disapproving - would set her straight.

As the years crept by she began to adjust accordingly, as did you.

She knew not to cry infront of him.

That was saved for later in the sacred space that you had created. It would only last for as long as it took you to tend to her wounds after training, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

As she sobbed in your arms after a particularly rough day, you could feel the remaining fragments of your heart shatter.

You wanted desperately to express to her that you felt her pain, but you couldn’t piece the sentences together even if you tried.

This lifestyle has taken its toll on you as well, gradually losing the ability to articulate emotion with each passing season.

She finally pulls away, her long black hair falling on either side of her face.

“Your father says that you’re excelling in your training.” You say at an attempt in reassurance

“I don’t care.” Her voice is calm as though she hadn’t just been in hysterics. You wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks. “Why do I have to train?”

“It’s very important to our entire family. We have to keep our line of work alive. ” She rolls her eyes upon hearing that automated response.

“Robotic just like father. I’m clearly not meant for the family business. I keep getting hurt.”

“That is apart of the process.” Illumi’s impassive voice interjects , causing you both to jump at the sudden annunciation of his presence. “You possess the potential to become one of our strongest assassins.”

“But I don’t want to be.” She expresses.

“I understand your hesitation.” He responds calmly before changing the subject. “I see your injury from earlier is dressed. Why don’t you visit grandfather and tell him how well you’ve done today? I would like to speak with your mother alone.”

Less of a request, more of an order your daughter leaves you both. You wait until you’re sure she’s far gone.

“How long were you there, Illumi?”

“Only a moment.” You open your mouth to speak, only to shut it again. “I’ve been aware of these private emotional outbursts for quite some time.”

“…. And what of them?” You say coming off more defensive than you would like.

He eyes you carefully before speaking again.

“I fear your coddling will interfere with her progress. It will have to end soon.”

Your body tenses at the thought of the wedge this would tear between you and your only girl, at the severe personality change this would bring out in her.

She’d already begun to pick up some of her fathers traits, voice becoming monotone and gaze becoming more distant.

The last thing you wanted to do was add to this deconstruction.

Illumi notices, his eyes trailing down to your hands where your nails now dug into the skin, then back up to your pained expression.

“Please, do not make this difficult.” He closes the distance between you two, bending down to place a half-hearted kiss atop your head before leaving you alone.

[jpitha]

Don’t worry, I know someone.

Gev, Palitan, and Vivian stood in front of the door. It was at least three meters tall, 2 wide, and made of metal. It was inscribed with words in at least 4 different languages.

It was unfortunate that nobody knew any of them.

“Well, It’s clearly a warning.” Gev gestured towards the text. His furry, clawed hand tapping the lowest text, which was at their eye level. “Whoever made this would not have done it in so many languages if it wasn’t something important to be read by everyone who came by. I’m sure whatever is behind this door is dangerous.”

“No, it’s clearly a proclamation. Something some ancient Ruler wanted to be known far and wide. Information that was important to their peoples. They might have ruled a large swath of land, home to many peoples who spoke many languages. It’s designed for intelligibility. That’s why it’s in so many languages.” Palitan’s upper tentacles stroked the sunken carved letters while Vivian made a face. Her archeological training was screaming in her head at them touching this clearly ancient thing.

Gev’s laquered claws slid in and out of their sheaths. “It’s unfortunately really that we’ll never know what it says. We could learn so much about these people.”

Vivian looked up from her notes. “Why wouldn’t we know what it says?”

Gev laughed his barking cough of a laugh. “The people who wrote this are millennia passed. There hasn’t been anyone who has spoken this language in at least one thousand solar cycles. Viv, you humans need to understand that sometimes there are just things in the universe we’ll never learn.”

Vivian scoffed. “Well, then if you think you’ll never learn this, you won’t mind if I give it a try. You can continue your survey.” She began unpacking a portable sensorium from its carrying case.

Palitan’s chromatophores swirled and flashed confusion. “Vivian, you’re not a linguist, you’re an archeologist. How can you learn an ancient language?”

”I’m not a linguist, but I know some. Don’t you network Palitan? Don’t you make friends outside of your discipline?” Vivian didn’t look up from the case as she clipped together a framework and started attaching recording devices at regular intervals.

Palitan’s swirling colors stopped, and they settled on the cool blue of curiosity. “I mean, I do but… I have a feeling humans do it differently.”

Vivian chuckled. “I doubt it Palitan. Humans are just human. We’re not some kind of strange and special people.”

Gev’s fur rippled. “Now you’re being modest. I’ve seen your homeworld, and its gigantic moon. Another planetary body that large that close? It must have done something to your development.”

That was enough to make Vivian look up from her work. “Gev, you’re telling me that moon power makes humans unique? Do you hear what you’re saying? Can you hear how that sounds?”

Gev’s small ears - looking oddly like teddy bear ears - waggled. He was being deliberately silly.

After about a tenth of a cycle of work Vivian had the sensorium completely set up. The framework was positioned around the door and the projectors and emitters were in place. She signaled to their ship in orbit, and it dialed a connection that she provided in the ansible. As Gev and Palitan watched, there was a short tone, and the holoprojectors resolved the image of someone. It was a Gren, tall and imposing with their reverse articulated legs and many sets of eyes. It turned and looked around and seeing Vivian their mouthparts opened wide in their version of a grin. “Vivian! You old battlestar! How have you been?”

Smiling, Vivian put her hands on her hips and faced the Gren directly. The sensorium sensed her reaction and focused on her. “I’m doing well Tami’tarr. I’m pleased to see you’re still taking my calls.”

“How could I not, Vivian? Your calls always show me something… interesting. What do you need today?” They gestured towards the door. “Something to do with this I presume?”

Vivian nodded and walked over to the projection. Standing next to them, Gev and Palitan marveled at how it looked like the Gren was here next to them. They knew about the sensorium of course. Ever since the humans came onto the scene they brought their multi-sense recording device with them. They especially liked using them in interviews so that the whole room could be recorded. The sights, sounds, smells, even touch and temperature could be recorded and played back so anyone could almost be where the event was recorded. They were unaware of them being used as a projection device however. Vivian took out a small digital pointer. “It’s a door - we think - looks like pre-fall Heliman. None of the languages carved into the door are Heliman however. I know they had relations with a few of the sapients in their nearby section of space, but we don’t recognize any of the languages here. Do you?”

“Hmm.” Tami’tarr peered at the words on the door. His body made a rumbling noise that Vivian couldn’t help think sounded like a contented purr. Tami’tarr always liked a mystery. He leaned back and gestured with his own pointer. “Here, near the top. This one looks like it’s Late three hundredth dynasty Uutipan. I can’t read it though, I just recognize the shape of the words. Do you know Professor Filomina at Brekin University?”

Vivian nodded. “I met her two years ago at the conference. You were there. I think you introduced us.”

Tami’tarr’s mouthparts waggled a nod. “Ah yes, you are correct. She can translate Uutipan. I don’t know if she understands all the way back to the late three hundredth dynasty, but she’ll know it better than me.”

“Thanks Tami’tarr. I’ll give her a ring.” Vivian reached up and patted Tami’tarr through the sensorium.

“Let me know what she finds. I must admit I haven’t seen something like this before either.”

“Of course, Tam. Talk to you soon.” The Gren disappears as the connection is broken.

Vivian spends the next solar day making calls, making small talk and describing her problem. Gev and Palitan spend the time taking measurements and gathering other information on the site. “Vivian is wasting her time.” Gev shakes his head irritatedly. “She should be helping us take measurements. The words are untranslatable.”

Palitan’s color shifts to a acquiescing yellow. “That may be Gev, but she has gotten permission to run the dig in her own way. If we could translate the text, it would be helpful. We can afford to have her burn a day going through her address book pestering her friends.”

‘Hmmph. That’s their problem.”

“What? Vivian?”

“Humans in general. You tell them something can’t be done and their first reaction is to go ‘I bet I can actually do it.’ They wind up wasting time and resources on things that were declared impossible a century ago.”

Palitan says nothing, but continues to work.

Just before evening meal, Palitan and Gev save their work and upload their measurements and notes and make the way back to the door. Now, Vivian is talking with a K’laxi they’ve never met. They’re one of the few sapient species that is actually shorter than the human and they’re both standing very close to the door, looking at the bottommost carvings. The K’laxi is talking very animatedly as they walk up.

“…haven’t seen things like this in decades! I can’t believe you found another example Viv! This completely upends our research on what we knew about the late three hundredth dynasty! You’ve given me enough here to write three papers at least. You’ll get co-authorship of course.”

Vivian laughed. “I appreciate your generosity Lem. Let me know when you need my notes.”

Lem snapped their pad closed and stood. “As soon as you have them compiled please.”

Vivian bent straight and stretched. “You got it Lem. See you soon.”

Their tail flicked and they winked and the holo disconnected. Vivian stared disassembling the sensorium.

“Have you given up Vivian? Ready to continue the work we were assigned to do?” Gev’s fur bristled. “Well, too bad, we’ve completed the measurements. I’ll be sure to let the head know about this.”

Palitan’s color switched to a pale pink of surprise. “Gev! There’s no need to be hostile. The head stated that Vivian’s main job was to learn more about the people who built this.”

Gev’s head bobbed vigorously. “Indeed. And spending all day calling the entire galaxy to translate a door tells us nothing about who built this site!”

Vivian finished putting the sensorium away in its case and stood. She calmly walked over to Gev and Palitan. Palitan was only a little taller than her, and Gev was nearly two meters tall and was more than a bit intimidating. She looked down at her pad.

“This door shall remain open from dawn to dusk without exception. The offices herein will be open according to the hours mounted on their doors. All who enter shall surrender their weapons. A chit will be provided verifying their ownership. Those with appointments with the Head Builder are to check in with the front desk before proceeding to the Builder office.

“What’s that? What are you talking about?” Gev looked down at her irritatedly.

Palitan nudged Gev with one of his tentacles. “It’s the translation of the door.”

Gev looked down at Vivian and at the translation she showed him. All of the different languages were translated and sure enough, they said what she read off to him. It was a protocol note on what to do at the Builder Administration building.

Palitan gestured excitedly. “Gev! That means this was a Builder building! Part of the original Empress! Not only did they have local influence, but they either traded with, or were a part of the full empire. We’re far away from a Gate too, I wonder if one was destroyed, or they just flew a long way.”

Vivian nodded. “See Gev? Now that we know what the door says, it opens up so many new questions that we can try an answer. Even though the door is ‘just’ protocol rules, it implies so much more.”

“Hmmph.” Gev says nothing but his ears twitch.”

Palitan’s coloring changes to an impressed green. “Vivian, this is amazing. You figured all this out in just one day!”

“That’s just is Palitan. I didn’t do it. I knew people who could help. I wound up calling five different experts while you were working. It pays to know people.” Vivian picks up the sensorium case. “It’s not what you know, but who you know.”

[moonlightdancer26]

I'm an ex-marauders fan at this point, but haven't yet worked up the nerve to leave :( Wish me luck.

The marauders fandom promises acceptance and tolerance and lighthearted fun, but as soon as Severus comes up, the previously rosy atmosphere turns downright ugly. I've seen so many marauders fans posting or reblogging about how “your trauma is valid”, how “intentions don’t matter if you hurt someone”, and how “apologies don’t count if they’re coupled with an excuse”… who also go out of their way to justify the ‘prank’ because Sirius didn’t /mean/ to almost kill Snape, and how it’s really all Snape’s fault, and why can’t he get over it already since the marauders clearly became better people (even though Snape never received any kind of apology or any indication that they regretted their behavior)?

And these posts live side by side on their dash? Idk just needed to vent as i figure out where to go next in this fandom (or maybe another one altogether)...

WTF THIS ASK WAS FROM SEPTEMBER 😭😭 I’M SO SORRY I SWEAR I’VE BEEN SO EXCITED TO ANSWER YOUR ASK BUT I GOT TOO BUSY AND ALWAYS POSTPONED IT 😭

Anyway, I totally wish you luck anon. It’s hard switching fandoms and building up the courage to “move to the other side,” but I can tell you that it is 100% worth it when you realise how much the Snapedom differs from the Marauders fandom! As someone who’s been in the fandom for many years, seen what both sides are like, and has a bunch of friends (both online and irl) who don’t always share the same opinion, I can safely say that we are generally far more accepting of different opinions than the Marauders fandom. We tend to steer clear of them because they’re.. very persistent about their opinions and find it amusing to purposefully mistag their anti-Snape posts or to scroll through pro-Snape/anti-Marauders tags and attack the posters. But if you’re not like that and you can accept not always agreeing with friends or fandom members, then we’ll welcome you with open arms <3

And honestly I agree, I’ve seen Marauder stans make excellent and detailed analyses of their favourite characters and articulate their arguments greatly. But then all that reading comprehension shoots out the window when it comes to Snape, and you suddenly see them brush him off as nothing more than a “obsessed incel nazi” and call it a day. I’ve seen similar things happen with Snape fans as well, and I completely understand how you feel.

All I can say is: Just leave the Marauders fandom. Either announce it with a post and say that you no longer wish to be in the Marauders fandom or want to switch to the Snape fandom. Or if you want, you can create another blog altogether. The important thing is that you do it now and get it over with, because simply reading your ask and knowing how it’s negatively affecting you really upsets me. This ask was sent around 2 months ago, so I hope that by now you’ve done something about it, but if you haven’t, this is what I think about the whole situation. I wish you the best ❤️❤️ and if you, or anyone else who’s struggling with anything similar, want to DM me and talk about this, don’t hesitate to do so.

[nalyra-dreaming]

I know everyone’s out to get Rolin right now because of his comments about Devil’s Minion and I’m not even going to try to defend him lol but to be fair, Assad is also saying the same thing (albeit in a much nicer, articulate way). Now, Assad seems to have a much more in depth and genuine understanding of Armand’s character and his takes have always been on point IMO, and he seems very excited about the possibility of exploring Devi’s Minion further in any way he gets the chance to (though it’s worth noting he’s clearly joking sometimes and is very honest about not actually knowing much about future plot lines). But when explaining his reasoning regarding Daniel’s turning, he and Rolin seem to be on the same page: “If you put it into human perspectives or human equivalences, it’s almost the most heinous and violent act that you commit out of desperation and anger. It is the kind of crime of passion when you either kill someone or really mutilate them. We know how Armand feels because we hear in Episode 6 how he feels about the idea of making another vampire. That’s why he’s never done it. It repulses him, and I think it truly does. I think it’s the idea of bringing someone into this kind of life knowing what he’s been through. It's something he wouldn't wish even on his worst enemy until his worst enemy tears his life apart.”. I’ve seen people quote the rest of the interview but not that bit specifically. So either both him and Rolin are trolling or that’s just how it is? I have very mixed feelings about it, not going to lie. I do appreciate your positive outlook though tysm 🫶🏻

I think… that is what they’re saying right now. Assad had also been much more positive about Loumand (than Jacob) in the various stages, imho.

I think that is because he always picks up the current perception status.

While Jacob… well Jacob has platonically fused with Sam, who the writers go to and who is the show’s alphabettery :)) You know?!^^

This is not throwing shade in any kind of fashion!! This is just how it seems to me.

With that in mind I wonder if this is something like that. A current status comment.

Which makes sense, imho, because they don’t want to give the arc away!!

[beautifulpersonpeach]

bpp lemme be sappy and incoherent for a min…

i saw this tiktok of bts’ solo era so far and i just wanna say that i’m glad that they know army doesn’t expect anything from them but music. GOOD MUSIC. like historically so many idols have gone on to do non music things after their peaks but bts knows that the core of their fandom are music fans. fans of THEIR music especially. bts as a whole prides themselves as being musicians and army prides ourselves as being fans of musicians.

idk. i guess i just wanted to appreciate how diverse this era has been musically and how proud i am of them doing the music they want even if i dont always enjoy it cuz someone else is bound to, yknow? i’m so freaking proud of their output. they’re amazing

***

It just tugs on your heartstrings doesn’t it? Even Jin who doesn’t have a full album yet, the song he made with Coldplay in only a few months doesn’t feel rushed or half-assed. It feels like a (sappy) sweet letter (in Chris Martin’s ink) from a friend you’ll be seeing before too long.

From Hoseok producing the beauty that is Jack in the Box; to Joon’s archive of his 20s with some of the best collaborations for a Korean artist in Indigo; to Jimin’s episodic processing of the personal struggles he dealt with during the pandemic in FACE; to Yoongi’s culmination of the AGUST D trilogy in D-DAY; to Taehyung’s expression of the music that most feels like him in Layover; and finally, Jungkook pushing himself out of his comfort zone to make a full album in a language he doesn’t speak, showcasing his skill set of ever-improving vocal ability, in classic pop songs in several genres that he’s selected to showcase his personal taste.

All the boys have done well. The assignment was to serve music, and they’ve all delivered. Some songs are more my taste than others, but I can acknowledge the work they’ve all done and I respect it.

And this isn’t really what you’re talking about Anon, but please let me go on a short tangent here.

I’ve seen chatter here and there about how Jungkook isn’t mature in his interview answers. About how he apparently comes across as a clueless puppet who can’t articulate his views eloquently, but like I said about the discourse around Jimin’s apparent lack of contribution to BTS, or Jin’s apparent lack of skill - sometimes that criticism is warranted, but most of the time people who say things like this frankly have no idea what they’re talking about.

A few of you have sent me asks months back, to give my view on Jungkook the way I’ve done about Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok etc recently. I didn’t answer because I was waiting for Golden. Now that the album’s out, I’m sitting with it and will respond to those asks before too long.

But before that, I want to draw attention to this excerpt from Jungkook’s interview in The Atlantic.

*

In my draft reply to the asks wanting me to talk about Jungkook, I start with saying he’s a very simple person. That’s both his charm and the thing that confuses a lot of people about him, because many of us are anything but simple, so when faced with a man like him living the life he’s living, some people respond with suspicion or bewilderment.

Simple motivations, simple words, simple considerations - this is what I’ve observed in JK for the past 10 years. He’s younger than all the members but no less intelligent that the rest of the guys on average. He knows how to communicate what he means, he just usually has a preference to do it simply, and that’s what he did in that paragraph.

I’m excited to see how he’s going to become a global pop star, even bigger than he is now, because he’s certainly got the talent and skill to show real results. I’m proud of all the projects the boys have put out so far.

By their own words, one point of Chapter 2 was to showcase their individual colours, to show the world who makes up a group like BTS, so people could more clearly see what each member brings to the table, while the guys push themselves to learn new things, expand their skillsets, and hone their individual artistry to create a stronger, more nimble group.

*

So far so good. It seems to be going according to plan despite everything lol. I’m excited to get Joon’s next work, PJM2, Hobi’s release, Jin’s album, and all the other goodies lined up for us in Chapter 2. It’s been a trip and it’s only going to get wilder.

[colorworlding]

Fast question, and pardon if it says this anywhere in the comic, but do they live in upstate new york, or new york city new york? Wanna know if I should throw my singular new york city accent on them or just do my best attempt at trying to not sound heavily Midwestern.

Oh my goodness, this gives me the chance to say how I imagine their voices sound like accent-wise! This is going to be a long reply, because it’s been in my head for so long! (I’m also going to give a bit of extra info, just in case anyone is ever wondering the same as you!)

In my head, Todd and Rory live in a fictionalized suburb very very close to the city, but not close enough to be considered part of any neighborhood. Todd lived in a different town than Angelica and Chip, but they were in a similar situation (albeit less close to the city.) So upstate! THAT BEING SAID, sometimes some characters lived in NYC. Adult Rory lives there, and Todd lived there when he went to CCNY for college. Rasheed lives in New York City.

As far as I’ve looked up, the NY accent is slowly dying out over the past generations, but different areas still produce different accents. (For example, the Bronx accent!) Knowing that, I tried to reflect on that in their speech. And there are some Midwestern accents too! I’ll describe how I hear delivery for everyone major I can think of below. (and PLEASE DON’T WORRY ABOUT ACCENTS OR GETTING THINGS PERFECT. IT’S JUST HOW THE VOICES SOUND WHEN I READ OUT DIALOGUE IN MY HEAD, AND THIS IS MORE SPECIFIC JUST IN CASE YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE IN GENERAL.)

Grandpa Blue: (Todd’s Dad) I imagined a heavy New Yorker’s accent, with a more… defenseless voice. This will have an effect on his children that Todd personally considers devastating

Grandma Blue: (Todd’s Mom) Take the biggest Karen in the world. Now imagine she’s mad at you

Angelica: She has a watered down accent! It isn’t as strong as her father’s, but you can tell where she lived. Her voice is lower, more decisive and snappy. She does have a vague voice claim! As in… not the right accent, but I liked her tone. When she is angry, she sounds decisive and absolute, like you can’t argue with her.

Todd: Complicated, like his mental health! If you say hello to him in 2003, he would sound almost accentless. BUT THIS IS FORCED. Really, he is exactly the same as Angelica in terms of having an accent, and hates it. He thinks it’s embarrassing. He tries to mask it at all costs, which started in high school. He stands in front of a mirror and practices talking like an articulated news reporter because he wants to Look Perfect and Sound Perfect, too, but it’s still somewhat there. The more frantic, stressed, or angry he gets, he gradually loses that voice mask completely and speaks like he always has known to. THE BEST EXAMPLE I CAN THINK OF THAT CAN SHOW THE GRADUAL SHIFT FROM AVERAGE AMERICAN ACCENT TO A DERANGED NEW YORKER IS THIS.

As for voice itself, he was a theatre kid! He can speak energetically, clearly, dramatically, for whatever delivery he wants. He can reach higher pitches to low pitches if he realllllly wants to.

Chip: I Got No Clue What People From Colorado Talk Like! As for delivery, it would depend on if he is masking. If he’s not, then his delivery is flat. It also depends on who he’s talking to! He doesn’t mask around his parents, Angelica (if she isn’t in a mood, and only after 1998), or Rory! If he is masking, he essentially reflects the engagement/tone of the person he’s talking to.

Rory: No accent! Nothing specific! He sounds like a 6-year-old! (His adult voice is soft-spoken and quiet.)

Bianca: FINALLY, FINALLY I HAVE A REASON TO SAY THIS! BIANCA ISN’T FROM NEW YORK AT ALL WHATSOEVER, SHE’S FROM THE MIDWEST AND HAS A NOTICEABLE MIDWEST ACCENT! (AND BECAUSE I LIVE THERE I GOT ALL SPECIFIC ABOUT IT.) She, her mother, and her siblings moved to New York from Birdseye, Indiana in the 2002-2003 school year. Her being a kid that’s new in town WOULD be evident just in the way she speaks ALONE, but sadly she is in a comic. She speaks specifically like she is from Southern Indiana, but any Midwestern accent would work for her!

Miss White: No accent! Lovely Miss White! Very sweet voice! She’s naive! But! But!! Always sincere in her words!!!

OKAY I’M DONE I’M SORRY FOR THE INFODUMP THANK YOU FOR ASKING IM HAPPY YOURE DOING THIS

[undignifiedaquarium]

loving you out loud

for @locklyle-week day 1: firsts

a/n: First “I love you.” Here’s a little something I wrote because as much as I crave reading desparate confessions drawn out in the middle of dangerous situations, they also deserve something softer. Set in the future. I am v new to this fandom and writing these characters so please, be kind.

They’ve never been much for words. Or at least he hasn’t, not in the way that matters, Lockwood thinks as he peers over the top of his magazine at Lucy curled up on the other end of the couch. She’s got her nose buried in a book, completely oblivious to him. Her eyebrows are adorably scrunched together and her eyes feverishly tear across the pages in front of her.

It’s been years since she walked into his life and it still always feels like there are so many things he hasn’t told her, or doesn’t say enough. They are much more practiced at revealing things through unspoken communication. So much can be said through a glance across the kitchen table in the morning, smiles exchanged over tea, or touches and gifts and rescues that they have done a million times over by now. Sometimes it feels like they don’t ever need to articulate what’s left unsaid because they both know the score. But still, Lockwood thinks to himself, she deserves more than that.

It’s not like Lucy has ever been one to mince words. She’s called him out on his own bullshit time and time again, challenging him and reminding him that there are people who care about whether or not he makes it home alive. Her honesty was one of the first things that impressed him in that fated interview. She says what she thinks, and doesn’t back down. Truth be told it has saved them all in so many ways since then, even if it may drive him and George mad from time to time.

Looking at her now, Lockwood is once again captivated by her. In her pajamas, curled up with a quilt nestled around her and a steaming cup of tea in her hand she looks so comfortable, so relaxed. She looks radiant. It makes his heart pang with adoration. He wants to capture this moment and keep reliving it for the rest of time.

Because for every moment like this that they get, there are three more where his heart is hammering in his chest with worry or panic that something bad is going to happen to the beautiful, brave, incredible girl cozied up across from him. Too many of their firsts have happened in or been born from those moments when their lives are on the line and he aches a bit to give them both some softer memories.

Lucy chuckles lightly to herself at the other end of the couch, clearly having read something of note in that book of hers. She then takes a massive bite of the biscuit in her hand and finally looks up, meeting his eyes.

“What?” Lucy asks, “I got crumbs on my jumper or something?”

Lockwood laughs, “No, nothing like that. I just…I love you, that’s all.”

“Oh is that all?” She sits up and puts her book down next to her, a grin splitting across her face but also a hint of exasperation in her voice.

He feels himself blushing slightly, and looks down at his hands before glancing back up at her.

“Yes, well I know that sometimes I’m not the best at…articulating what I’m feeling. But I wanted to get it on the record and all that.”

“Lockwood I — “ she starts, scooting close and reaching out to take his hands in hers.

But he’s already on a roll. “I just realized I had never actually said it out loud and, well, we’ve put off a lot of other things until we’re in the thick of it and I wanted to make sure I told you now and not when we’re, you know, fighting for our lives. Point being, I don’t want that to be one more thing I’ve left unsaid.”

He’s really started rambling now, because her eyes have gone wide with something bordering on disbelief. Lucy is giving him a look that tells him she had absolutely no idea he’s been head over heels for her for…shit he doesn’t even know how long. Long enough that loving her feels as natural as breathing.

“Oh come off it Luce, you know I’ve been in love with you for a damn long time now.”

Her response comes out as a half laugh, half shout, and she smacks him with a throw pillow, “I did not, you idiot!”

Lockwood suddenly turns deadly serious, desperately needing her to understand how much he means this. How he is truly deeply, irrevocably in love. “Lucy, you make me feel seen and cared for in a way that for a long time, I didn’t think would ever be possible again. Even when everything is hard and frankly terrifying, I am still so glad you stormed into my life. I love you.”

At this, Lucy moves one hand to his face, rubbing her thumb softly along his cheekbone and looking at him with such longing and tenderness that he feels like he might just fall in love with her all over again. Lockwood slowly closes the distance between the two of them and kisses her like he’s drowning and she’s a breath of fresh air.

“I love you too, you know.” She breaks away and looks up at him with a soft and teasing smile, “to put it on the record and all that.”

[planets-and-prose]

Siren's Song (20k Excerpt from Continuing Education)

Hi all, here's the snippet! As usual this is written for NaNo, so, entirely unedited and a hot mess, so please no critique about how I write. If I get caught up editing this, I'll just get stuck :( )

Context: The squad suspects that the lead of a play that Achaemenes is helping with tech in is a siren, and that she's using her singing to manipulate everyone into loving her. Briar and Kay are trying to get her one-on-one to confirm their suspicions.

---

“So…is it going to be ready in time for the show?” Marina asked Briar, looking a little worried. Briar took out an earplug to hear her better, making a calculated choice that it probably wouldn’t be too bad.

“Should be. Usually these things aren’t hard to fix. Thanks for helping.”

“Anytime. I’m just…so flattered that everyone said my voice was that good.” She gave a smile that, to Kay reeked of a phenomenon that he learned was called ‘the pick me girl.’ This girl was angling for compliments like a starving fisherman trying to find his next meal. Briar, however, didn’t bite, just looking busy, and Marina looked visibly disappointed. It took every ounce of restraint Kay had (which, to be fair, wasn’t much, but at least he was using it) to not laugh. “Have you gotten to hear me sing?” she asked Kay with a small, hopeful smile.

“I have, I’m usually running lights,” he said, noting the expression on Marina’s face. She was doing a long series of invisible calculations to figure out why this random person was not treating her like the goddess that everyone else did.

It didn’t take long to get to the sound room, and once they made it, Briar immediately found a reason to leave them alone together. “I’ve gotta grab one of the faulty mics from the stage manager, be right back,” they said, and suddenly the awkwardness in the sound room was palpable.

“So…” Kay tried to begin, but Marina just started humming to herself, first softly then a little louder. At first Kay considered pretending, trying to act like he was falling over himself for this girl, but he was so tired of her antics at this point that he was basically done. He just watched her for a minute. “The mics don’t need to be tested yet,” he said, curious how she’d react.

“So you aren’t human,” she said, voice accusing. Kay paused.

“Okay, so first of all I am human, second of all that’s kind of rude right off the bat—“

“Don’t lie to me,” Marina hissed, suddenly looking more terrifying than ever before. Her eyes almost seemed to glow with rage.

“So being fey-touched actually makes it so I really can’t do that, and also, uh, it makes it so that I’m not as vulnerable to siren shit apparently. Listen, I didn’t even fully realize I was immune to this till I noticed something was going on.”

“What are you doing here? The stage manager’s like you. She doesn’t listen to my songs.”

“Uh…I honestly don’t know about that. She just…doesn’t listen I think. She’s just kind of a mess.”

“Whatever. Why are you here?” Marina demanded, her glare deepening.

“Man, I just want to put off getting my last pre-med credit,” Kay sighed. “I’m here to run lights since they look pretty and be sad that I’m not in the spotlight since I really didn’t want anyone noticing me and getting some idea about being nonhuman. But someone’s going to notice something’s up with you.”

“And why shouldn’t they?” Marina’s glare turned into a smug smile. “If I’m able to wrap people around my finger, then why shouldn’t I?”

“It’s…dishonest!” Kay tried, feeling weird preaching about honesty. They tried again to more clearly articulate what made them uncomfortable with what Marina was doing. “You’re basically hypnotizing people. They don’t know what they’re doing.”

“So?” she asked rhetorically. “Humans are cruel creatures. They can lie and manipulate and make feel things you never wanted to feel. They can string you along and use you and then throw you away like you’re trash. If I can get the upper hand, I deserve to have the upper hand after everything that humans have put me through.” She grinned. “I’m sure you can relate, if you’re so scared of being noticed that you stick into the dark, gross tech areas instead of being the star.”

Kay took a minute. His instinct was to be snarky, but he had to think of something else. Something that wouldn’t piss this girl off, because honestly he didn’t know what sirens could do and if he wasn’t on her side, she’d convince every human in the area that he was the villain. So, he thought about Semira. About how she acted when she was around. “I thought that too, at first,” he said, calmly. “But I met humans who aren’t half bad. Sure, they’re kind of annoying and weird, but they’re not bad.”

“They’re not bad yet. They haven’t done anything to you yet. All humans are going to do something. Are you really trusting a human not to kill you just because they feel like it? Because you don’t know anything about what they feel!” Marina was clearly starting to get agitated.

“I don’t. But I trust myself enough to know that I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know the pain that humans will put you through. And you brought a human in, and told them what I am. But it’s fine. They’ll forget about it soon enough. And I’ll get what I want.” Marina started to head for the door. Kay started to move, but Marina turned back. “Ah ah ah, don’t even bother trying to stop me. Because the second you lay a hand on me, everyone who I’ve sang to is going to know that you assaulted me without being provoked, that you tried to trap me in the sound room on false pretenses. So if you want to keep not being noticed, you’ll shut your mouth and keep working with your little lights.” She gave Kay a small smile and waved gently, before heading out of the room and closing the door calmly.

Tagging @k-v-briarwood and @the-grim-and-sanguine as usual, let me know if you'd like to be added!

[fanastraea]

Analyzing VegasPete as a Writer, Pt 2: Pete

Please check out the Part 1: Vegas post. I define some of the terms I’ll use here in that post. It also covers all the introductory stuff and usual disclaimers (my anxiety about sharing my opinions).

I’m excited and nervous to get to Pete. He doesn’t come out and say a lot of stuff the way that Vegas does. We don’t know as much about Pete. He’s also more self-aware than Vegas, which I discovered made his want and need a little more nuanced. So this took more interpretation and sometimes just speculation. A lot of room for different opinions. There are some things I’m less sure of here, but I’ve done my best to see how I can make the puzzle pieces fit.

Pete’s Character Arc

COMFORT ZONE

I want to talk about Pete’s character arc in general, first. I wanted to see if I could fit it into Dan Harmon’s Plot Embryo, which is a modified version of the Hero’s Journey that I really like. It doesn’t fit perfectly. It was never intended to. But I always find this exercise helpful in gaining insight into the characters. It has also helps me as a writer understand how to use a formulas as a tool, not as a strict, literal outline. The Plot Embryo is helpful because it’s a big picture template and different kinds of structures can fit within it, but has limitations since it was designed by someone who mostly writes formula-driven episodic tv shows.

At the start of a character’s arc, they’re in their comfort zone. They’re living with their False Belief and their Fear. The coping mechanisms they’ve developed are basically working for them. They can succeed in this environment with those coping mechanisms. It works for the character, but only up to a point, because they’ll never grapple with their False Belief or overcome their Fear if they stay here.

For the first 9 episodes, Pete is in his comfort zone as a bodyguard for the main family. It’s the status quo for his life. The status quo is also stagnancy, which is why characters need to be pushed out of it so they can change. Pete is fine here, but he’s not GOOD. It’s just comfortable. Unchallenging. Why? Because everything he knows how to do to get by works for him here without pushing him to grow. That’s what a character’s comfort zone is. They’ve learned to deal with life in this place.

Pete is well-liked, respected, he’s a good bodyguard for the main family. Nothing here, in and of itself, will force him to change. No one really wants to see deeper than surface level. Pete wears a mask with everyone, using his big smile and cheerful demeanor to hide other parts of himself. It’s beneficial to him in this context, where there is an air of professional distance even among friends, and Tankhun (bless him) isn’t interested in or capable of pushing Pete into showing more of his genuine self. They all clearly care about each other, but it’s not an environment that encourages digging any deeper.

This is one thing I look at when I’m trying to articulate a character’s False Belief. What is it that’s working for Pete? He doesn’t reveal a lot of himself to others. He covers up a lot with a smile. We see that in a lot of different contexts so we understand that it’s not quite 100% genuine even when it isn’t 100% fake. He is hiding a lot of his real thoughts and feelings from others. So his False Belief has to be connected to why he hides himself. It has created a fear related to showing his real thoughts and emotions.

Michael Hauge refers to this as a character living in their Identity. Their identity is the version of themselves that they use to protect themselves from getting hurt (as opposed to their Essence, which is who they really are). It’s “emotional armor.” Pete’s Identity has two aspects: first, that he is a bodyguard, and second the mask that he is always happy, optimistic, cheerful. To understand a character’s Fear and False Belief, we have to try to understand how their Identity is protecting them. It’s another clue for our analysis.

INCITING INCIDENT, TRANSITION INTO CONFLICT ZONE

In episode 10 we get the inciting incident that pushes Pete out of his comfort zone and forces him to enter the conflict zone. For the character’s emotional arc, the important thing is that their coping mechanisms, their Identity, don’t work here. They will fail to achieve their goal if they stay in their Identity. If they cling to their False Belief, if they don’t overcome their Fear, they will fail to change and they remain stagnant. They won’t get what they need. The conflict zone isn’t a physical place. In a romance arc this zone is usually their relationship with the romantic interest. The conflict zone for Pete is his relationship with Vegas. This is the context in which he will face his Fear and change so that this conflict zone will become part of his new comfort zone in the end.

For Pete, the torture scene is the transition into the conflict zone. Dan Harmon originally called these zones Order vs Chaos. Pete has a sense of order in his life as a bodyguard. But when he is at the safe house with Vegas, he’s no longer there as a bodyguard. Vegas forces him out of that role by going outside the accepted rules of engagement. A bodyguard can be tortured for information, can be killed. Pete knows this and is prepared.  When Vegas takes him to the safe house for his own personal gratification (disobeying his father’s orders), he’s going outside the system that Pete has felt secure in, where there is a sense of order. Where Pete knew how to survive and cope in his Identity.

THE STRUGGLE/SEARCH

The next phase of the character arc is the struggle or the search. The character is searching for the thing that they want (knowing this will help identify what Pete wants vs what he needs when I talk about that later). The character has to adapt to the conflict zone, but they will fail while they still fall back on their old false belief and give in to their fear. Or while they still live in their Identity. For Pete, this is in episode 11, when we see him struggling as Vegas’s prisoner. The inciting incident has given him the goal to either escape or die. That is what his Motive Goal, the thing he wants, the thing that drives him to act after his inciting incident. He tries different strategies to achieve this, but he will always fail as long as he is still in his Identity.

We see how Pete’s bodyguard skills don’t help him with Vegas. He tries to escape, but Vegas is just playing with him. He tries refusing to cooperate. He’s acting like a prisoner, the way a bodyguard should be acting. This gets him punished and severely injured but kept alive for Vegas to use to vent his anger.

The beauty of how Pete’s character arc works within the VegasPete romance arc, is that his Identity as a bodyguard, doesn’t work here because it’s exactly what will help keep Vegas in HIS emotional armor. Pete putting up the bodyguard front is exactly the excuse Vegas needs to keep taking out his pain on Pete. To use him for “emotional projection.” This is what I love about great romantic arcs. This is what I always loved about the romance genre. To show how two people are going to be perfect for each other, we also see that they are the worst for each other if they stay in their Identity. Their Identities complement each other, reinforce each other, and without change they could stay right here indefinitely.

ADAPTING

The character now has to start adapting to Chaos or the Conflict Zone. A couple things help this along for Pete. First, Gun keeps visiting to slap his son around and call him a failure. And Pete’s health deteriorates which prompts Vegas to make the choice to take care of him. Pete’s health prevents Vegas from using his usual level of physical violence for a while. This gives both of them some space to actually deal with one another. Pete learns more about Vegas, which allows him to adapt and start to have some success in the Conflict Zone (his relationship with Vegas).

Pete has obviously already dropped the pretense of being cheerful in the face of the abuse Vegas is inflicting on him. That’s one reason I know that particular mask isn’t the Identity he’s really hiding behind. It’s just one aspect of it. It’s one of the masks he wears. It’s the first he drops because it serves no purpose here. That’s part of why this conflict zone is so difficult and frightening.

The first real success is when Pete can also start to drop his Identity as a bodyguard. Vegas shows a little bit of his own vulnerability. In this scene, he connects with Vegas as a person and shares something personal about himself. He’s not The Bodyguard Prisoner or Smiling, Harmless Pete. It helps Vegas gain more insight into his own situation and starts to help him connect to Pete emotionally over their similar experiences. We see that this will also help Pete contextualize the way Vegas is treating him. I think most importantly for their relationship, Vegas is also receiving Pete’s empathy, the sort of understanding that he probably hasn’t experienced before.

CHANGE OF HEART

This isn’t enough, though. We know Pete has already been able to reach out to people this way because he does the same with Porsche a few times. This isn’t growth for Pete, though it is the start of his adapting to the Conflict Zone.  Throughout the rest of the time in the safe house, Pete continues to drop more of his mask. When he gives up the opportunity to escape and chooses to stay with Vegas, he is taking a huge step forward away from his Identity and into his Essence. He isn’t acting as a bodyguard here. His responsibility, his duty, is to return to the main family and tell them where to find Vegas. He’s starting to move away from what he wants and toward what he needs.

About halfway through a character arc, the character finds what they want and they either get it, or realize that they no longer want it. They have adapted to the Conflict Zone and learned how to survive there. They are still in the Conflict Zone, but this is when they transition from False Belief into a New Truth.  I’ve also seen this called a Change of Heart. In the Hero’s Journey this is called Meeting the Goddess. If we throw out the outdated gender stuff in the Hero’s Journey, the core of this is that the character finds the other half of themselves that give them something to make them whole. In the Plot Embryo, the Change of Heart is a moment when the character gives up their False Belief and comes to understand it was a lie. They’re able to embrace the truth. They can then start to have successes in the Conflict Zone. This is when the character stops losing to an antagonist, stops reacting to what the antagonist is doing, and starts being proactive. They win at least some of their battles now.

For Pete, this is when he chooses to stay with Vegas despite the opportunity to escape. They have a moment of connection and then they literally join together as two opposite energies, whether you want to call it dominant and submissive, or active and receptive, masculine and feminine, etc. In the Hero’s Journey terms, you could say that Pete is actually serving as the Goddess archetype for Vegas’s character arc, because he is the one providing a moment of nurturing and wisdom.  But since this is a romance story arc, it’s important that Vegas is doing something for Pete, too. Pete is joining with HIS opposite, the one who will help him see that his False Belief is a lie and will allow him to be his true self.

THE FALSE BELIEF AND THE FEAR

Now that we’re halfway through Pete’s character arc and over 2k words into this meta, what is Pete’s False Belief and his Fear?

Pete’s False Belief: My true self will not be accepted and loved by others.

Pete’s Fear: If I am useless, I won't have a place to belong because I won't be loved just for myself. What is it that Pete believes about himself that works for him with the main family but not with Vegas? It’s the way he guards himself from being known and understood with the main family. He drops the superficial part of that mask with Vegas. At first it’s not because he’s realized his False Belief is a lie, or because he’s gotten over his fear. That would be too quick. It’s because he has no need to be accepted and loved by Vegas (not yet). His goal changed when he entered the conflict zone. But he still relied on his Identity as a bodyguard to meet his goal.

The way Pete’s backstory contributes to his False Belief is more subtle than Vegas’s. We only get a hint at it.  Pete was never loved for who he was by his father. Whether Pete won or lost at boxing, his father took his anger and self-hatred out on him. We can guess that this violent childhood is what made Pete the way he is, that he probably had to be very cautious and observant to avoid his father’s anger to the extent that he could. We can speculate that he had to hide the abuse, too, behind a cheerful smile. And that he became afraid that if anyone saw what he was really like, what was really happening, they wouldn’t like what they saw. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to handle it. This eventually solidified into his False Belief.

FEAR

The False Belief leads to a specific fear. Pete gives us a hint about his fear when he tells Vegas that he feels useless. That he’s always been useless. If you have a character who doesn’t think his real self will be loved or accepted, being useful is one way for that character to secure a sense of belonging with others, especially if they are looking for the safety of a stable life. And it’s part of Pete’s nature to want to belong. Pete could never gain his father’s love and acceptance, even if he was useful, so at some point he became a bodyguard for the Theerapanyakul family. There, being useful was exactly what helped him succeed.

I think that with these deep fears, they are so frightening because part of us thinks that our fear is already reality. Pete is obviously not useless as a bodyguard, but he grew up feeling useless to his father. Some part of him will always feel useless, and it makes him afraid because that will lead to the loss of the relationships and stability he’s found in his life.  This is the problem a character has when they continue to believe in their False Belief. They live in this fear.

Pete’s change of heart is handled subtly. What indicates that he’s finally seeing his False Belief as a lie? I think it’s mostly symbolized in the actions he takes. First, he gives up his Identity to act in his Essence – his true self – when he stays to comfort Vegas instead of escaping. How does he show that he’s realizing the lie of “My true self will not be accepted and loved by others?” By giving his true self to Vegas. The side of him Vegas wants to see (“How do you like it?”). The self he presents to the world wouldn’t kiss Vegas, mafia’s most canceled problematic person. He definitely wouldn’t so enthusiastically give himself to Vegas, known bad person. But he does. He shows Vegas his real feelings in his desire for him. Symbolically, giving Vegas the rope to tie his wrists, letting Vegas bind his ankles with chains, his eager gripping of the chains, is Pete giving Vegas his real self, being completely vulnerable to the rejection he fears most. He trusts that Vegas, at least, will accept him.

Want & Need

At the start of his character arc, Pete wants to belong with the main family. At the start of the show, his want is actually being met, but it’s taken away when he leaves his comfort zone. Unlike Vegas, Pete had what he wanted and could have it again after he escapes. But what Pete wanted wasn’t what he needed. Think about the way food is used in Pete’s story – he breaks the rules to eat food from his Grandmother. Food that he loves. From someone he loves, who loves him. It’s food for him. Contrast with food provided by the main family to the bodyguards. Purely functional. Pete accepts it, but doesn’t enjoy it. Then Vegas is the one to give him food that he loves. Made for him, to care for him. Food as an expression of love is something that Pete values and something he lacks with the main family. He gets basic nourishment from the main family but he’s not really nourished.

What Pete actually needs is Vegas’s love, just like Vegas needs Pete’s love. (We know this partly because it’s a very good romance plot and that’s just how they do). Pete doesn’t have to be useful to have Vegas’s love (again, just like Vegas doesn’t have to earn Pete’s love). Pete can belong to Vegas, because Vegas needs someone to take care of. Each needs to have what the other is finally capable of giving once they’ve left behind their Identity.  Getting this need met is now in sight for Pete.

SACRIFICE

But Pete’s story isn’t over yet. The next section of the Plot Embryo is Sacrifice. Our character has had their revelation they have to pay a cost for their final victory. This is where the hero in the Hero’s Journey often has a symbolic (or literal) death. Think of every time the hero of a movie appears to die to achieve their final victory and then turns out to actually be alive. This is the symbolic death the journey requires for true growth.

This is where it gets really interesting for Pete. Pete has a sort of false sacrifice when he finally leaves Vegas and the safe house. He’s giving in to his fear of being useless (he has nothing to offer Vegas except himself, and Vegas’s emotional abuse is taking a toll on his ability to do even that). He fails to truly shed his bodyguard Identity. He tries to return to it. It’s a setback.

But it’s the right thing to do.

Because as I said in Part 1, Vegas isn’t ready to overcome his fear either. Vegas is panicked at the thought that Pete will leave him. And while he starts to take a step to allow Pete his freedom anyway, he’s obviously too fragile to allow Pete true choice. In a way, Pete goes through an emotional death here, as he sacrifices the self he can be with Vegas to try to return to his Identity. But he isn’t instantly reborn like Indiana Jones climbing back up from the cliff, alive after all. Pete spends enough time in this death to realize what he’s lost, and he isn’t reborn until he resigns as a bodyguard.

Resigning will be his true sacrifice. The cost of having Vegas will be giving up his life with the Theerapanyakul family.

NEW NORMAL

The Plot Embryo is a circle. A cycle. The hero returns to the comfort zone from the conflict zone. But once the hero has achieved their goal and gotten what they need, their comfort zone has changed. It now includes what used to be the conflict zone. Because a story like this is about a character learning how to adapt and succeed in the conflict zone. Think of it like learning to swim. A deep pool is a conflict zone for someone who can’t swim. Going into the water is going into this conflict zone. But once they learn how to swim, their comfort zone includes deep pools. It doesn’t mean they don’t have any more problems. But they have a higher quality of problem. Like: the ocean.

In the Hero’s Journey, this is often called The Road Back. It’s not an easy path. There are consequences of going through their ordeal in the conflict zone.

Pete is on this path when he escapes from the safe house.  He does know how to succeed in the conflict zone, in his relationship with Vegas. He knows that being himself, letting go of his Identity, and being real with Vegas is what will work with him. But there are external forces working against them as well as their emotional conflict. They just don’t have the opportunity to choose one another yet, but when they meet behind the bar I think Pete  moves into his new normal. They won’t kill each other. There is an acknowledgement of their feelings, their desire for one another. Only external forces (the man taking garbage out from the bar) can interfere. They might still have some things to sort out but they want to.

RESURRECTION (FINAL SACRIFICE)

The Plot Embryo simplifies and smooshes down some of this back half of the Hero’s Journey, but Pete doesn’t take any shortcuts so I had to go back to the original. Here there is one final test of the hero. They have to prove they learned what they needed to learn in their conflict zone. Pete proves that here by resigning his position and using what he learned to connect with Vegas as only he could. He gave up his Identity as a bodyguard because he learned it wasn’t what he needed. He overcame his fear when he asked Vegas to take care of him. He couldn’t truly connect with Vegas by being useful (“I’m here, Vegas”). Instead, he had to give up his reliance on being useful and ask Vegas to take care of him.

FLOURISH

The hospital scene. We get one final moment for Pete to officially tell Vegas he wants to stay with him. And we get a view of the way the story has all been worthwhile. Here the character is in a happy period. There will be new problems, but not yet. For now they get to enjoy the rewards they earned by overcoming their fears and letting go of their Identity.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS (MY SOAPBOX)

On first viewing, I understood that they had constructed an incredible romance plot but it wasn’t until fully diving into it that I saw just how beautiful the story is.

This is why calling a fictional relationship PROBLEMATIC, or toxic, or talking about it in terms that would apply to real life people fails to get at what a story is actually doing.

The torture and abuse Pete goes through symbolically represents the breaking down of his emotional armor to allow him to confront his False Belief. Yes, the story uses dark, violent imagery for this. But that’s often how it can feel when someone is pushing past the defense mechanisms we have in place. Changing ourselves, growth, letting others in to see us, all of that is absolutely terrifying. It can feel just as frightening as physical violence.

Stories are not real life. Characters are not real people. Even entertaining, “silly” stories can be vehicles for writers to share ideas about human nature, what it means to be challenged, to face our fears, to grow, to have relationships. We do learn from fiction, but not simple moral lessons. By experiencing what a character experiences, we are also, in a way, helping ourselves to deal with our own conflict zones. By seeing how a character faces their False Belief, we can get a glimpse of our own. Stories can help us learn a lot about ourselves and about other people. But not through surface-level declarations that something is problematic or has toxic relationships.

End of soapbox rant.

Finally, here is a picture of some horny VegasPete kissing as thank you for reading down to the end.

[bengiyo]

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us Rambling with Thoughts on Queer Art

I’ve been thinking about the finale of 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us all week, and have been absorbing the complex reactions folks have been having. When I first finished the show, I felt I was experiencing similar feelings to the end of Weekend (2011), and English film; and Giovanni’s Room, a novel by James Baldwin. Both stories left me feeling melancholy, but asked me to look inside myself and think about who I wanted to be beyond the story itself.

I think occasionally we come across a piece of work that cuts deeply to the big ideas tearing the author apart. Like Baldwin, I think Punnasak Sukee is haunted by the constructs of the world we live in and his limited ability to impact it as an intellectual and and artist. I think this comes through so clearly via Inthawut, who is clearly well-educated, thoughtful, and deeply-philosophical. However, at his core, Inthawut is a coward who has been punishing himself in his mountain home for all of the wrongs he’s inflicted upon others in his life. I’m in my 30s now, and I have many regrets about things I did or didn’t do when I was a teen and in my early 20s. I find myself identifying with In so much more than Wang when I watched this show, and so I was deeply sad for In because I understood why he made the choices he did.

I think when you read Baldwin, or if you watch a film like Weekend, you can feel the creatives behind them struggling with the world. Baldwin’s lead in Giovanni’s room is a spoiled American expat living off the graces of others, particularly his poor lover in France. It’s interesting that the title doesn’t have the lead’s name, and I can’t recall it from memory (it’s David). Though this novel ends tragically, the interior struggle with sexuality and our place in it lingers for me. Similarly, Weekend explores the brief fling between two gay men with different approaches to being out and the potential of what their lives might be if one of them wasn’t leaving. There is a familiar ache here that I felt at the end of 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us.

At the end of the show, the creators ask that parents not try to enforce ownership over their children. It reminds young people that pain is a part of growth. It reminds the “wise” not to fall by the wayside in our cowardice; it demands we pick a side. I don’t think the show is capable of giving a happy ending when there’s so much work to be done in the world for the oppressed. In a show about the way homophobia broke three people and forever dominated Wang’s upbringing, this show is asking us to be involved in making the future. I said this in the 180 Degree Discord, but I think the show is reminding us that the real fight is in the streets and where the decisions are being made. If melancholy queer productions can break us, we will not survive the fights that are to come. It’s not a joy to give this reminder, but so many of us have not survived the fight. I think that if you walked away from his show sad about In and frustrated for Wang, you’ve arrived at the intent of the show. We don’t want to create more folks like In, and we want to heal those trapped in their own grief, shame, and regret. We want to make the world better for the young people like Wang.

I saw some frustrations about the ending being sad, and as someone who experienced most of my formative queer experience in the art of the survivors of the worst of the AIDS epidemic, I think queer art in particular can and should tackle grief, regret, and frustration. I don’t think Punnasak Sukee has the answers; I think he’s sharing some of the things that continue to grip him at his core. He’s asking us to see these things in ourselves also and choose to do something with those feelings beyond despair and emotional paralysis. It’s not always fun being challenged by the media we enjoy, but I like being reminded of the shared experience we have as queer people that we sometimes struggle to articulate.

So I hope you gained something from watching 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us. I will do my best not to let my wisdom turn me into a coward. I will choose a side.

[floralcavern]

Ranking s1 Hazbin songs

16. Welcome to Heaven - The most bland, basic bubblegum pop. A huge disappointment to Heaven’s intro. I was more or so expecting a song that’s more orchestral and choir-y with sinister undertones. This song is a huge let down. 

15. Whatever it Takes- The more I hear it, the more I hate it. Carmilla’s voice is just not doing it here and clashes with Vaggie’s voice rather than meshing. Even musically wise it’s not very good. 

14. It Starts With Sorry- The actual music is great and Sir Pentious is amazing. It is LEAGUES ahead of Welcome to Heaven, but it’s too cheesy and.. goofy instead of emotional 

13. Out for Love- Carmilla’s voice actress is a great singer, but she’s just not doing it for me 2 out of 3 times :(. Musically wise, it’s great. An absolute bop. But the singing isn’t.. my favorite. And don’t even get me started on the lyrics. It pisses me off that this song is implying that Vaggie has always only been out for vengeance but never truly out for love, despite the fact that that’s her whole thing. Her entire relationship with Charlie is about fighting for love. 

12. The Show Must Go On- It’s sweet to see everyone supporting Charlie and all, but.. eh. The only reason it’s not lower is because of the Vs and Alastor absolutely KILLING their parts. 

11. More Than Anything (Reprise)- Their vocals were phenomenal. They hit those high notes. But it’s too short. 

10. Ready for this- It’s giving revolution, which I love. We’re getting to the really good stuff, so don’t take this being low as it being bad. There’s just some really good shit in this soundtrack. I love Alastor and Rosie’s part and them being so proud of Charlie. 

9. Happy Day In Hell- Charlie’s voice actress was clearly having the time of her life. It’s so fun and broadway. 

8. You Didn’t Know- It starts off eh, but once Lute gets her hardcore solo, things went up. Charlie and Emily singing together was just.. chef’s kiss. 

7. More Than Anything- If we were going off of pure vocals and how good the scene was, this would be too 3, easily. But this is based off my own musical preferences. So while the song is definitely S tier, it’s not something I really listen to just to listen to it. But just because it’s at 7th doesn’t mean it’s mid. Farrrrr from it. 

6. Poison- I really wish I could put this one higher. But it really goes to show how great this soundtrack is! Poison slaps. There’s not much to say about this song that so many people could articulate better than I ever could. 

5. Respectless- Carmilla killed this. The classic and more traditional Spanish guitar contrasted with Velvette’s poppy and newer techno music really shows not only their personalities, but also a more difference in generations and what’s new. It gives huge Six vibes as well. 

4. Hell Is Forever- I’ve listened to this song more than I’m willing to admit. It’s so good and the guitar solo genuinely slaps. Adam is such a little douche, but he’s a fun douche.

3. Stayed Gone- Who let Vox cook?! The beat is so fun and the beginning and end paralleling each other makes me go feral. Vox is such a boy loser, I want to squish his brains out.

2. Loser, Baby- Husk’s voice is so smooth and sultry, I really hope he gets to sing jazz in season 2. But he’s so sweet in this song and the song has such a sweet message in it. The part where he and Angel start singing about an undesirable thing they’ve done “I’ve got no more holes left to deflower.” “I sold my soul to save my power.”, is SO FUCKING GOOD. 

Hell’s Greatest Dad- I’ve lost count on how many times I have listened to this damn song. It is so catchy and has one of, if not the best beat out of all the songs in this soundtrack. Lucifer being the only person who can get under Alastor’s skin is hilarious, I just know Vox is fuming. It just sucks that Mimzy ruined it. But this song is so good that despite that, it still manages to be my number 1. 

[woozapooza]

Miscellaneous thoughts about Sopranos season 6A

I’m almost done with the whole show, you guys! Crazy! I’m honestly looking forward to it being over so that I can breathe again. This is a selection of the stuff I wrote in my journal this season/half-season (however you want to look at it). This post is RIDICULOUSLY long (about 1700 words) so it’s going under a cut.

Originally I was going to put this point much later in the post but I’ve decided to put it first because it’s the most important: you guys, I adore Jennifer Melfi SO incredibly much and I miss the days where she was actually a main character SO incredibly much. Like don’t get me wrong, the second half of the show has been fantastic so far, but it just cannot compare to the first half for the simple reason that the character who is objectively the best used to be central and now she’s peripheral. Even if her role HAD to decrease a little bit, I wish it hadn’t decreased so much. But I’m grateful for every single second that she’s on my screen. She is literally one of THE characters ever.

The montage at the beginning of 6x01 “Members Only” was SO cool! I love a good montage, and the beginning of a season after a substantial time jump is the perfect place to put one.

In 6x02 “Join the Club,” when AJ made his oath of revenge against Junior, I wrote in my journal, “Bad idea, AJ! That could be the start of a Michael Corleone arc!” Then in 6x08 “Johnny Cakes,” we learn that AJ was consciously emulating Michael! I’m SO proud of myself for picking up on that parallel before the show spelled it out. AJ has internalized the values of the life his parents tried so hard to steer him away from, which isn’t surprising. I mean, it’s really telling that in 6x11 “Cold Stones,” Tony characterizes AJ’s problem not as a lack of responsibility or integrity but as a lack of “balls.” Tony doesn’t want his son to be a criminal like he is, but he’s never managed to dig deeper and challenge the ultra-masculine values that his entire life is founded on. 

Speaking of not thinking deeply about the values one holds, something none of these characters are particularly good at: Paulie’s fury toward Nucci in 6x04 “The Fleshy Part of the Thigh” is just the flip-side of his prior fanatical devotion, which was clearly based less on who she was and more on what she was. It was in large part a formality: not actually reciprocating all she did for him, just blindly following the rules. I say “in large part” because, thank goodness, in 6x09 “The Ride” he finally relents. Heartwarming! Man Sits In Silence On Couch With Elderly Adoptive Mother. (I’m going to go ahead and give Tony some credit for that: I think the lecture he gave Paulie in 6x04 sank in eventually.)

At last Carmela (with Melfi’s help—btw, it was SO great to see another one-on-one session between them!) has articulated the thing I’ve been thinking since at least the second season: she and Tony can claim all they want that they have their kids’ best interests at heart, but the fact is that Meadow and AJ were put into an impossible bind simply by being born.

It’s so funny how these guys (mobsters/mafiosos/wiseguys/whatever the best term is—I’m just gonna stick with “guys”) will tear into each other one moment, but then defend each other in the presence of outsiders. When Johnny cries at the wedding, Phil says that his “estimation of John Sacrimoni as a man just fucking plummeted,” but a moment later, when a random guest comments on what a sad display it was, Phil goes “he’s an emotional man 😔he loves his daughter 🥹.” Then in 6x10 “Moe ‘n’ Joe,” Tony tells Silvio he hopes Johnny dies in prison and Silvio fantasizes about throwing acid on Johnny, but a moment later when Sal Vitro refers to Johnny as “guilty,” Tony and Silvio are both like HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT HIM 😠

This outward-facing ride-or-die stance is precisely the arrangement that Johnny violates in “Moe ‘n’ Joe” by putting family over Family. Putting aside his career and just focusing on the choice in isolation, there is a kind of nobility in his decision to take the plea deal that will let his family keep more of their money, knowing that his former colleagues will see no nobility in it and from that moment on he’ll be dead to them. Just another example of how the world these guys live in actively discourages having a heart. (Side note, Johnny is one of my favorite characters and I don’t even really know why. I get so excited every time he’s on screen. I’m always like YES IT’S THIS GUY! IT’S MY MAN!)

At the wedding, Tony is the only one of the guys to express sympathy for Johnny: just as he was (IIRC—it was a long time ago) the only one who we know for a fact was haunted by Pussy’s death (EDIT: he's not the only one, but my main point stands), just as he was the only one who mourned Tracee as a human being, just as in the next episode he will display a teensy bit of compassion for Vito when most of the guys don’t. If we didn’t get these little glimpses of a heart in Tony, if he was just rotten through-and-through, he wouldn’t be nearly as interesting a protagonist. Instead, he’s only like 99% rotten and that 1% is where the tragedy comes in. I want to say I could fix him, but that would be putting myself above Melfi, and I can’t bring myself to do that. If she can’t do it, no one can—except Tony himself, and he’s not going to. Alas.

Meadow is so frustrating because she is the one Soprano who is actually making the world a better place, but then she goes and confirms the rumor about Vito with no hesitation or qualms. Wtf queen??? Did she not care about the consequences for Vito, or did she just not think about them in the first place? I suspect it’s the latter, given that when Finn points out that Vito will probably face violence now, she doesn’t have a counterargument, but in that case...why didn’t she think about the consequences? I don’t get her. It’s so frustrating because Meadow is right about a lot of things, but like Tony, when she’s challenged to confront her own mistakes and blind spots, she just lashes out. Anyway I’m thinking of being her for Halloween next year.

It’s nice that Angie is friends with the other ladies again, but how did that happen? Even Rosalie is nice to her now, and it was Rosalie who told Adriana last season that Angie’s “not welcome here” anymore.

I’m enjoying the Cleaver stuff so much.

It’s so funny at the beginning of “Johnny Cakes,” when, having learned that it’s not going to be feasible to extort the manager of the new cafe, Patsy laments, “It’s over for the little guy.” Like he’s not WRONG but what a funny reaction to not being able to do the crimes you used to do. I don’t think you’re really the victim here, king.

You can certainly make the case that Melfi should have given up on Tony by now, but I truly find it so endearing how she continues to see potential in him, and how she’s always so proud of him whenever he does anything right. Like in 6x12 “Kaisha” when Tony recounts Christopher’s confession that he’s seeing Julianna, she’s like “omg and you DIDN’T get violent with him? Amazing job!!!” God I adore her so much I can’t even take it. 

Phil keeps claiming that he has a stake in what happens to Vito because Marie Spatafore (hi, sister of the actress who plays my favorite character!!!) is his cousin. That makes it sounds like he cares about her. But he does exactly what she DOESN’T want and murders her husband, because he doesn’t care about her, he cares about his own pride, to which she’s just an accessory. It’s what I was talking about in this post I made about 4x04 “The Weight”: when a woman is wronged, the men close to her take that as a cause for revenge regardless of the woman’s wishes. Except the men I was talking about in that post genuinely love the women they want to avenge; they just express that love in a self-centered and unhelpful way. Phil, in contrast, embodies the most extreme form of that sort of paternalistic vengefulness. He knows Marie doesn’t want Vito dead; he doesn’t care. He knows what he wants to do would actively hurt the woman he claims to be doing it for; he does it anyway. Not very nice, Phil!

After making up his mind that Vito has to die, Tony angrily says, “It’s Vito’s own fault. Why couldn’t he stay where he was?” To which Silvio says, “Don’t beat yourself up about this.” Silvio sees right through Tony’s bluster; he knows it’s a defense mechanism against guilt. That’s another thing Silvio has in common with Melfi, who can also see right through Tony’s posturing. For example, in that same episode, when Tony is complaining about AJ and wishing Carmela hadn’t prevented him from using his father’s harsh parenting techniques, Melfi cuts right through the lies that he tells himself: he claims to believe that his father had the right idea, but she points out that really, he wishes Livia had protected him from Johnny the way Carmela protects AJ. (Side note, I’ve drafted a post about Silvio and Melfi as complementary consiglieri to Tony. Will probably post it at some point.)

I love overarching character parallels AND I also love single-episode character parallels. Parallel between Vito and Tony in “Moe ‘n’ Joe”: both try to adjust to a new status quo (for Vito, a quiet life with a boyfriend and a boring but legitimate job; for Tony, a wife with a career) but both give up, screwing over other people in the process (for Vito, Jim and the guy he killed on the way back to NJ; for Tony, Carmela).

Christopher to Julianna in 6x12 “Kaisha”: “It’s just weird being where [Tony]’s been.” Tony to Valentina in 4x08: “I don't want to be where Ralph Cifaretto has been.” You guys are so cringe.

Even though Carmela can finally work on her spec house again (yay!), I hope she doesn’t forget about Adriana.

I love how Carmine talks. He talks like he’s composing a business email.

[rebrandedbard]

Alright so, I’m gonna send this as an ask instead of clogging your comment box on ao3. And I’m still laughing at the fact you call these essays when it’s just unedited night ramblings. 🫡

Full disclosure, I have absolutely zero knowledge about music. I’m not even going to pretend like I knew what I was doing with those annotations and I certainly don’t know enough about poetry to articulate how that would work either… But I still very much hold firm to the belief that this would make an excellent recitation. The only other way I can articulate it is by insisting that it is a melodic kind of language. I see what you were going for and you’ve done it so well and I am so excited to see this kind of style and specific diction of language.

My education and experience is more in painting, art history, critical analysis so you know I’m not a complete hackjob and just blowing steam out of my ass! But I really have like no knowledge of music. 💀

I also very much hold firm to the belief that Jaskier is always going to be a choice. That is ultimately at the heart of the found family trope/genre. It’s not about shoehorning people into traditional family roles, but rather and I’m going to borrow from your fic here to support this, it’s about people coming together and the care and love that exists between them regardless of background, experience, and pre-ordained fates.

“Ciri put herself between the stranger and Jaskier, waving a large branch in warning. “Keep away,” she growled. “If you come any closer, I’ll scream.”

This is great. This is important. This is also really funny. A small child protecting a larger child. I know Ciri is more powerful, and perhaps even stronger than Jaskier. But the mental image of her defending Jaskier against a witcher with a branch is hilarious. I bet Lambert was telling everyone about it when they got to Kaer Morhen.

What’s important about this observation is that Jaskier lets her. It cannot be easy for a grown man to suddenly have to rely on a child to take care of him, but he lets her and there isn’t a shred, not an ounce of resentment between them.

Also, I did not originally mean to analyze this against the hero’s journey and the monomyth, but the witcher so often explores the concept of destiny and fate that I find myself falling into it constantly. What this fic does though, as I’ve mentioned before, is refuse the call and subvert the myth which I love.

I’m very interested in that perspective, thank you. I was a little suspicious because Jaskier was clearly picking up on something but I knew from his reaction at the end that he really didn’t know. It’s that thing where as an audience we have more information than the characters which again very much puts me in mind of a play and the fics other artistic qualities. I think I feel more like Ciri in this instance, and also a little like Jaskier. One is kept in the dark because she’s a child and the other because he’s literally blind.

Omg okay last disclosure… I couldn’t remember the word for prose poetry (idk why) and it sent me on a deep-dive. I just really love writing, and fanfiction and all this shit. It’s my goddamn jam, and I’m literally incapable of shutting up. I’m about to vibrate out of my skin.

I never ever ever forever want you to shut up. I love this. I love ALL of this. I want to read this analysis like I'm in an english lit class. I am eating it up with two serving spoons like I've been given the entire tray of sweet potato casserole to kill off at thanksgiving. PLEASE I beg of you, CLOG MY INBOX. I would LOVE to have this in my inbox to keep and to treasure. In fact, I keep my favorite ao3 comment emails in a special folder! Please please PLEASE copy and paste this and put it beside the other half so they are together. Your comments are FAMILY you can't separate them! They need a loving home!

[treemaidengeek]

Whumptober: Possession & Protectiveness

Ft. Lan Xichen / Song Lan & Lan Xichen / Jin Guangyao

The Untamed

.............................................................

Lan-er's fingers flew over the guqin strings, faster and faster. The skin at the nape of my neck prickled. An instant later he turned wide eyes to me, lips parting on a soft "uhh" of distress.

Then the shaking started.

I was at his back in an instant, trying to still his convulsions with the gentle pressure of my embrace, reaching around to grasp for his hands. They strummed on, frenetic. I felt the sticky wetness of his blood under my fingertips. The energy of the room constricted around us, as sudden and dangerous as a summer storm.

And then, just as I reached for Liebing, Lan-er went utterly still.

The voice that emerged, delicate and pained, from his throat was… was…

"Er-ge?"

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. This wasn't happening, couldn't be happening.

"Er-ge," he repeated, with wonder. Lan-er's sturdy form shifted in my arms. He half-turned to meet my gaze.

That broke my paralysis. My love's eyes were wide and deep, mouth held in a slight muoue, brows peaked slightly toward the crown of his head.

It was painfully familiar.

It was the most alien thing imaginable.

And… Lan-er's muscles, from the slight curve of his cheek to the knots of his shoulders, were almost rigid. Was he aware inside his body? Was he fighting?

“Jin Guangyao.” I took a breath to steady my voice. “Let him go.”

“I missed you.” He tilted his head--Lan-er’s head--to press his cheek into my chest.

I flinched away. “You don’t belong here anymore. Let him go.”

I could exorcise him, I thought wildly. A-Yao’s cultivation was not especially strong in life. It probably wouldn't be too difficult, even with the boost of resentful energy he must have received from the manner of his death.

But could I extract one soul from a fierce corpse without also banishing the other?

I wasn’t certain.

His face did… wrong things. I could see A-Yao’s pain and Lan-er’s fear tangled in the same beautiful umber eyes. A-Yao’s full mouth had been so mobile and expressive. The pouts, the dramatic frowns, the quick little smiles all looked so eerily incongruous on Lan-er’s subtle lips.

“I don’t belong anywhere anymore,” he agreed. He turned to kneel facing me and took my hands in his. I could feel them shaking with tension. “All of you fine nobles trapped me in a box to be Baxia’s bloody ragdoll forever.” He lowered his eyes and his voice.

How was he articulating so clearly in this stolen and scarred mouth? Lan-er was hardly silent, but his hands carried his words. I had never heard speech from his lips.

It didn't sound exactly like my memory of A-Yao. But I was painfully certain that the voice was not Lan-er's.

“It hurts, you know," he continued. "Not just the spiritual torture. I thought…” He swallowed. (Lan-er rarely swallowed. A-Yao was performing. The knowledge did not make me ache any less.) “I thought you saw me as an equal,” he finished quietly. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of, it’s true. But I wouldn’t expect you to let them do this to me.”

I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to hold his hands or thrust them away. I continued gripping them. Lan-er might or might not want the contact right now. But he certainly didn’t want A-Yao inside him. At least I could give him something safe to hold onto, to try and stay sane.

Gods. Lan-er often didn't even let people he trusted touch his skin. To have a stranger, and such a complicated one, inside his body–

“Please don't make me force you out. I will," I warned. "But it would be damaging for you and for the one you are possessing." I shook my head. "You built the coffin where you now lie. You can’t escape the consequences of your actions anymore. I’m sorry.”

His hand cupped my cheek. His voice was barely a whisper. “Er-ge. Don’t leave me alone in the dark.”

“I have been praying and dedicating merit.” I fought the impulse to shrink from the touch. “The rest is up to you.” With another breath, I hardened my heart and my tone. “Lianfang-zun. Let Song Lan go.”

For an instant, Lan-er looked at me with terrified and furious eyes. My breath and my surging heart tangled in my throat. My lips parted, wanting to cry his name like a summons, not quite daring.

Just as swiftly he was gone. A-Yao glared at me from stolen eyes blown wide. His tightening fingers clawed into my cheek.

"You've replaced us." A-Yao's voice shook with jealous indignation.

"Should I stay in solitary seclusion forever?" I snapped. "Yes. I found someone. He is one of the kindest, gentlest, most devoted people I've ever met. I love him. And you're hurting him." I flinched and reached up to touch the hand gripping my face. "You're hurting me," I added softly.

We sat motionless. He had forgotten to breathe, I realized.

"I did love you," he said at last, quietly. "You and Da-ge both. I never meant for– for any of this to happen."

I nodded once. My throat closed over all the words I had screamed into the night, written in endless journals, wanted to say and been unable to shape with tongue and voice.

"Can you ever forgive me, my heart?"

I swallowed, hard, past that clot of unspoken things. A fever radiated from my throat into the stiff space between my ribs and settled, hot and roiling, in my belly.

I didn't answer.

He reached, tenderly, to brush the tops of my cheeks. Oh. Tears. I was crying.

"Please stop," I choked out.

He sat frozen for a short forever. I choked again, pressed my hand to my mouth. Drew a deeper steadying breath. Stilled my mind and spirit for what I must do next.

He half-rose and kissed my forehead, scattering my fragile resolve, and resettled himself neatly onto the floor.

Then abruptly Lan-er sagged into himself shivering. He stared at me with the wide and wild eyes of a cornered animal.

Panic gripped me. "I'm–so sorry. Are you--do you want--can I help–"

He shook his head and made a shoving-away gesture. He used me to hurt you. His hands shook. I should go.

I grabbed the trailing hem of his sleeve. "No--please, not unless you want to. I–" Something within me shattered. "Can I hold you? Would that be alright?"

He hesitated, spine stiffening.

"Oh gods, I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask that. Please, do whatever you need to do. I'm so sorry." I was babbling. "I'm alright, I'll be alright. Please don't worry about me. I'll be– I'll be here. Or down by the falls maybe. You're safe. Don't play again without Wangji or me supporting, but– you're safe. He can't reach you without a way in."

He hugged his arms firmly over his chest as if he were holding the pieces of himself together. He blinked, stared through me with haunted intensity, squeezed his eyes shut, opened them again.

I… I'm sorry, I don't doubt you, but–promise me you won't hurt yourself?

"I won't," I promised, and then caught up with the question. My troubled ex-lover had used Lan-er's body against his will, to hurt me.

I cursed. It wasn't exactly parallel to what happened to Xingchen, but it was close enough.

"I won't," I repeated firmly. "I'm not going anywhere. No surprises." No suicides.

He nodded slowly, mechanically. Closed his eyes again. Took a slow, deliberate breath.

I forced myself to respect his space as he uncurled his body one finger, one limb at a time.

Can we walk to Crystal Falls together? he asked, finally. I… don’t think I can do touch right now. I’m sorry.

“Please don’t apologize,” I interjected swiftly. “I’m sorry that–he only came because–” I swallowed. “This is my fault.”

His umber eyes flashed. Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, his hands sliced sharply into the air. He stole so much from you. Don’t give him that as well. His actions have never been your fault.

Hot tears pricked my eyes again. I blinked them back along with the urge to protest. I wanted to take care of him. An argument is not what he needed.

“Let’s go to the falls together,” I said.

He twined his fingers in the drapes of my sleeves, and we walked together out into the twilight.

[selmasemlan]

The Turning Point

Summary: Luna finds out about Todorokis past, realising that there is something there between them.

Pairing: Todoroki Shoto x Luna Aizawa (OFC)

Author note: I love that this is a slow burn and "Epic Encounters" was not, currently writting them finally confessing.

Warning: mention of abuse

Word count: 1725

Series masterlist

The Turning Point

The sun had set, and the U.A. campus was cloaked in twilight. Luna and Todoroki found themselves alone in the quiet of the training grounds after an intense session. The air was cool and crisp, the kind that invited introspection. They had just finished a particularly grueling set of exercises, and Todoroki was sitting on a bench, catching his breath.

Luna leaned against a nearby wall, her thoughts clearly preoccupied. She had heard bits and pieces about Todoroki's family, but the truth of what he and his brother had endured was far more unsettling than she’d imagined. During their conversation, Todoroki had revealed the extent of Endeavor’s abuse—how it had affected not just him but his older brother, Touya Todoroki, whose tragic fate haunted Todoroki’s every step.

Luna’s eyes were fierce with concern and anger as she processed the information. “I can’t believe what he did to you and your brother,” she said, her voice tight with emotion. “Don’t you want him to pay for what he’s done? Doesn’t he need to face justice?”

Todoroki’s expression remained calm, though there was a flicker of pain in his eyes. He took a deep breath before responding. “Yes, he should face consequences for his actions. But as things stand, Japan needs its Number 1 hero. The world needs stability, and sometimes that means accepting certain realities, no matter how unfair they may be.”

Luna’s brows furrowed, frustration evident on her face. “I get that the world needs heroes, but that doesn’t mean he should escape the consequences of his actions. He deserves to be held accountable.”

Todoroki looked at her, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. “It’s true. He should be humbled and maybe even humiliated a bit. It wouldn’t hurt for him to learn some humility, even if he doesn’t face official consequences.”

Luna’s lips quirked into a small, knowing smile. “So, you’re saying he could use a bit of a reality check?”

Todoroki chuckled softly. “Exactly. Just because he’s the Number 1 hero doesn’t mean he should be exempt from being a decent human being.”

As Todoroki laughed, the tension between them seemed to dissolve. The joke, though lightly veiled, was a rare glimpse into Todoroki’s ability to find humor even in the midst of his struggles. Luna watched him with a mix of admiration and affection, her heart warming at the sight of his smile.

Luna took a moment to appreciate the layers of Todoroki’s character she had come to understand. His quiet strength, his ability to maintain his composure despite the pain he carried, and his rare moments of vulnerability made her see him in a new light. His calm acceptance of the harsh realities, coupled with his subtle humor, endeared him to her even more.

As Todoroki looked away, his gaze fixed on the distant horizon, Luna couldn’t help but feel a surge of affection for him. His ability to cope with his father’s legacy while still holding onto his own sense of justice was something she deeply admired.

“You know,” Luna began, her voice softer, “I’ve always admired your strength. But now, I see there’s so much more to you than I realized.”

Todoroki turned to her, his eyes meeting hers with a warmth that spoke of his own hidden depths. “Thank you, Luna. It means a lot to hear that.”

Luna’s gaze lingered on him, a feeling of deep respect and something more growing within her. She didn’t need to articulate her feelings; the way she looked at him, the admiration in her eyes, and the unspoken bond between them said it all.

As they continued their conversation, the stars began to appear in the night sky. The shared laughter and the quiet moments of understanding brought them closer, solidifying a bond that was both profound and unspoken. For Luna, the feelings she had for Todoroki were clear now, even if they remained unsaid. Their connection was rooted in mutual respect, shared experiences, and a deep-seated admiration that went beyond words.

In that tranquil moment, as they stood together under the vast expanse of the night sky, Luna knew that her feelings for Todoroki had evolved into something significant. It was a bond forged through understanding and respect, with the promise of something more profound quietly blossoming between them.