#can you believe they did a Beatles cover

[jaeyongf]

Last night doesn’t feel real 🌈

[jokeroutsubs]

ENG translation: If we believed that we were "kings", that wouldn't be us

An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin for Slovenian newspaper Delo, originally published on 24.12.2023. Audio version by IG GBoleyn123

Original article is available here for Delo subscribers. Original article written by Lucijan Zalokar for Delo; photos by Jože Suhadolnik; English translation by a member of Joker Out Subs, native proof reading by IG GBoleyn123.

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post! And if you repost the photos, do not crop out the photographer credit.

With Bojan Cvjetićanin about the international breakthrough of Joker Out, the movie Kaj pa Ester?, about life on the road, football, sociology…

I met up with Bojan Cvjetićanin in Ljubljana's Stegne industrial zone, where the members of the popular pop rock (in their jargon: shagadelic rock'n'roll) group Joker Out created a rehearsal space for themselves two years ago. "Lately we've been on the road a lot, but this is still a great second home. If only you knew about the parties that happened here. There were fifty people dancing downstairs," he proudly looked from a small gallery towards the space that measures approximately thirty square metres. Even though the clock had just struck three in the afternoon, the 24-year-old Ljubljana resident had a long day behind him, which had been entirely dedicated to media obligations.

In journalistic circles, we often hear indignation about how modern day influencers - especially those who had gained their influence on social media - have no books on their shelves. Joker Out are first and foremost musicians, of course, but with 150,000 followers (Bojan's personal profile has 190,000) on Instagram, we can count them among the big Slovenian influencers. And there are plenty of books on their shelves.

I don't want to falsely portray the popular fivesome as enlightened donors to the Slovenian literary market: most of the books resemble those you can buy for little money in second-hand bookshops, or even get for free at library write-offs, but they still deserve praise for both the aesthetic sense and the content.

I also don't want to falsely portray the books as the only notable objects in the rehearsal space. There are also the golden plate for the Eurovision single Carpe Diem, which got over two million streams in Finland, a transfusion bag (Rh-) that Tomi Meglič¹, Cvjetićanin's biggest teenage idol, personally brought to them, and a small shop's worth of props given to them by fans: pillows with hand-embroidered patterns, plushies, bras with Instagram accounts written on them, various sweets, you could even find a vinyl from a Soviet cover band of The Beatles. If things continue like that, they soon won't have any space left for instruments, but those are just sweet worries. Joker Out, who were formed in 2016, are currently conquering Europe in a way that the Slovenian music scene has never seen before.

¹frontman of Siddharta, whose third album was called Rh-

I've heard that you approach your job with the utmost professionalism and that you wake up at five in the morning for media obligations.

That's true, today we started early in the morning in Maribor. The first few hours were the most tiring because we were constantly changing locations and driving around the city. After the third or fourth activity, we relaxed a little because we got to the studio. After that, everyone started coming to us instead of the other way around.

Slovenian cinemas have started playing the movie Kaj pa Ester? in which you play a boy who enrolled in high school just to get close to his ex girlfriend again. Did you have any problems with trying to get into the high school mentality?

We filmed the movie two years ago, when my memories of high school were much more fresh than they are today. But on the other hand, I played a boy who had just finished the ninth grade of primary school, so I had to put myself into the shoes of a primary school kid, which is much harder. We're also pretty different personality-wise. But almost the entire cast was around the same age, so too old. We joked about that a lot during filming.

Still, that's nothing unusual in the movie world.

Of course, there are 35-year-olds starring in High School Musical and no one is complaining.

Could you draw any parallels between a musical stage performance and filming a movie? You have to play a kind of role during a concert too...

I have to admit that it's completely different. On stage, I never feel like I'm performing. Of course I am actually performing, but I'm still in the role of myself, Bojan, whereas in the movie, I'm someone completely different. It might be easier to compare filming a movie with recording music in the studio, but there are big differences there as well. The biggest one is that for a movie, the director has the main and the final say. You have to trust him. When you film a scene, you don't even see what you've filmed for a long time. The movie in which I play one of the main roles will be played in cinemas, and I don't even know what I will look like on the big screen. It's different with music, because us authors listen to the songs a hundred times, a thousand times; we're the ones who make all the final decisions. That's quite a mental leap, but I didn't have too many problems with it, because I knew the previous projects of that team. V dvoje ('In a tandem') is my favourite Slovenian TV series. On the other hand, I needed time to get used to this new method of working. If I asked to see the scene we'd filmed one more time, but the director said it was good, we kept filming without hesitation.

You said that on stage, you are always in the role of yourself. Does the nature of that role change from concert to concert? And what influences it? The audience, the outfit…

The outfit has an influence for sure. More than I initially thought. Lately we've been playing with our stage look a lot and looking for the right combination. I currently find that the outfit suits me very well, it's just the shoes that bother me because they're too rigid. I have to change them. They're huge and massive, which makes me feel like I'm clumsily marching around the stage, whereas during rehearsals I wear sneakers and I'm therefore a lot more in the mood for dancing.

What about the language you sing in? Many people say that they feel as if by switching between different languages, they are also switching between their personalities.

I agree. When you change the language, your voice has a different colour and register, you come up with different jokes than in your mother tongue. If I lead a concert in Slovenian, Serbian, or English, I'm a different dude every time. This is also influenced by my notion that each time, I'm performing for a different group of people who are connected by a certain mentality. In Slovenia, I'm performing as a local for locals, and I feel like there are different "game rules" than for example in Croatia or Serbia. Elsewhere, I feel like I don't even think about this.

How did you get the idea to start creating and singing in English? You already broke through internationally with Slovenian.

Us creating in foreign languages isn't so much a result of wanting to break through internationally and the mentality that only English ensures global success. If we thought that way, we wouldn't have gone to Eurovision with a Slovenian song. We're primarily driven by a desire to learn new things, to push the boundaries... In the studio, it's similar to being on the stage. If you change the language, you're not only a different person on stage, but also inside your head. Your creativity is different. Playing with languages is actually also playing with your own creativity, because you enter a different space, a different mentality. The song Sunny Side of London could not have been made if we hadn't mentally transported ourselves to an English-speaking space. We want many more projects like that, not necessarily in English.

Can you be more specific? What kind of mentality do you associate Sunny Side of London with?

That song is a sort of homage to all the people who have suddenly become part of our story. Sunny Side of London has nothing to do with London as such. I was looking for a name of a well-known place with which to name all our concerts, and I decided on London.

The first time I said the words Are you guys real? – Is this really happening, are you really here and singing our songs? – on the stage, certain English phrases snuck into my mind. What the hell is going on? and so on. We also experienced, for the first time, foreigners coming up to us and talking about their own experiences connected to our music. That was something completely new for us. We listened to all those stories in English, as our fans of course can't speak Slovenian, even though they can sing our Slovenian lyrics. Sunny Side of London therefore emerged as a collection of all the experiences and stories that fans told us after gigs.

You've already touched on fans who sing your lyrics by heart from Finland to Spain. Could you highlight the nation with the best ear for the Slovenian language?

On the latest tour, when we visited Lithuania, Poland, Czechia and Croatia, there were moments when I felt like I was singing in Slovenia. In Prague, I filmed the audience singing Umazane misli without me. As if I were in Križanke, for example. But it's even more fascinating that people sing well in England and Nordic countries too. It's understandable that our Slavic brothers have the best ear for Slovenian, but northerners aren't far off either.

How much of your international success do you attribute to the Eurovision performance?

A huge amount.

If you had to express it in a percentage?

99.9.

Really?

Definitely. It was an incredible catapult. Whenever I ask the audience at our international concerts if anyone was already with us before Eurovision, a few hands shoot up every time, but those are rare exceptions.

How do you explain the fact that you finished in the relatively humble 21st place in Liverpool, but your visibility still grew in leaps and bounds?

We were very, very, very dedicated to the Eurovision project. We put a lot of time and energy into demonstrating to the people who were open to it that we weren't just a three-minute performance, but very much an existing band that has made many songs and that lives on stage. With time, and of course in connection with the Eurovision performance, more and more listeners got to know that. We clearly showed them: we are here, we are real, try it, connect with us.

Because they had so much different content available, this actually happened. I think it was also because they saw that Joker Out really was made out of five completely regular dudes from Slovenia who live a totally normal life, and at the same time we make music and have a great time doing it. That is already a slight deviation from what's been happening recently, when we're being bombarded from all sides by messages that we need to distance ourselves from each other, that we have to hate each other...

That was the sociologist in you talking.

That's true. The atmosphere in society nowadays is such that it emphasises individuality more than building a team. Young people, however, need and want to be part of a community. And we offered them that chance.

Where does your interest in social sciences come from? Your father is a gynecologist, your mother a pediatrician, and you have a degree in sociology.

I had a very good professor in high school. If you wanted to listen to him, he offered a lot of knowledge. Even though sociologists often think about society in an abstract way, the subject always felt tangible to me. I recognised it in very concrete life situations that I was trying to understand. At my final exams, I did a great job with sociology with very little effort – and then made a mistake and enrolled in economics. I wavered between those two options from the start, and in the end, what tipped the scales were the warnings of many people I knew that sociology doesn't have good employment prospects. I gave in to the pressure and very quickly realised I had made the wrong decision. I gave up on economics after the first semester. That was when I seriously threw myself into the band, we made Gola, and then I transferred to sociology and there was happiness all around.

You clearly won't work as a sociologist for a while yet, if ever...

But I am a sociologist.

In your soul?

No, as my profession. Us musicians are sociologists. A lot of sociological terms could easily be transferred into our environment. Locale, for example. In third year, the professor asked me several times: Well, Cvjetićanin, if you have a concert, is that locale or something else? And then I said it was locale and started rambling on. (laughter)

So you are a singing sociologist?

Exactly.

How do you explain the success of Joker Out from a sociological point of view? How do your songs address the zeitgeist?

I write the lyrics exclusively based on stories that really happened. Not necessarily to me, but to people I love. Therefore, I have a strong emotional relationship with the subject matter. My opinion is that there will always be people who will connect with the story if it's real. Because it's easiest for us to connect with real emotions. Our songs are love songs, they talk about finding yourself and personal growth, some are socially critical... I think that I have managed to find the right balance between being direct and being poetic.

I'll word it differently. The Beatles already sang about love and personal growth. And they weren't the first ones by far. Later on, those same themes were covered by hundreds of successful bands and an infinite number of slightly less successful ones.

I think that nowadays, we most often associate societal changes with technological development. Technological advances largely dictate the rhythm of our life. But those advances are mostly just a substitute for something that already existed in the past. The basic emotions have therefore certainly stayed the same. Love, fear, hatred... I think that the use of language is very important here. Even though the emotions don't change, the way we put them into words does. In music, too. I don't sing about a topic the same way my peers would have in the 1970s. Consequentially, our relationship with emotions is changing and evolving as well. As if our entire society is gravitating towards the point of holding the belief that it's better for an individual to feel less and less, and in a more and more censored way.

On the one hand, excessive use of social media and other media causes us to feel like distinct individuals. On the other hand, it connects us to the world and places us into a very wide picture. In every moment, we are only a click away from becoming cosmopolitan and being able to access all the information, events, and people, but at the same time, that's exactly what reminds us that we are a small and actually not very important dot on this planet. The magnitude of everything that's constantly available to us makes us feel small. I think that we mostly listen to, watch, and use those who manage to poke the spot that unnerves people the most in this context. If performers manage to break through the firewall of someone's VPN, then those people will also show their interest in an analogue way. Otherwise, they will only be a swipe away.

And now a question that's more psychological than sociological: do you ever try to get into the heads of the people who time and again show their interest in very analogue ways?

I have an infinite appreciation for their dedication, because for myself, I don't see the chance of a phenomenon exciting me so much that I would be ready to dedicate so much time and love to it.

So you've never been a very hardcore fan?

If, at twelve years old, I had to highlight one musicians that I would've wanted to meet more than anyone in the world, that would definitely have been Tomi Meglič. That hasn't changed to this day. The only difference is that we meet up with Tomi and we're friends. I still feel the highest possible level of respect for him. Every time he calls me, I am extremely proud of myself. But I still cannot imagine going to, say, Berlin tomorrow if Siddharta were playing there and I had a free day. I'd go to Maribor or Zagreb, but absolutely not across all of Europe the way the biggest fans do. Not even at twelve. I could sooner imagine that at that age, a football match rather than a concert would be the thing that excited me beyond all reason.

We're probably talking about two groups of celebrities that get worshipped as deities by the masses in Western society: footballers and pop and rock musicians. And this is probably linked to emotions again.

True. The thing that wakes up a person's sense of smell, sight, and all other emotions that overcame them as a child, is what has the best possibility of succeeding.

Now please explain how this is connected to football.

If I go to a concert by Siddharta, Big Foot Mama, Magnifico, I turn into a ten-year-old kid who will explode from happiness. There's no Bojan anymore. He gets lost. It's the same with football. When I watch it, I dream about how I played for Slovan² as a kid and what I wanted more than anything was to score a goal and for everyone in the stands to yell: Yeeeees!

²ND Slovan is a football club from Ljubljana

You don't score goals, but you are in a similar position that Tomi Meglič used to be in.

All the band members come from very loving families that have always provided us with a very good support system and instilled basic values in us that we internalised deeply. That is why everything that's currently happening around us hasn't gone to our heads in a way that would make us think that we're bigger or more important than anyone else. If we started believing that we were "kings" because everyone was clapping for us and singing our songs, that would probably be a very strong feeling, but that simply wouldn't be us. We mostly love to see all the people, because we know how much we mean to them and how much they mean to us. Without them, we wouldn't be able to focus on what's most important to us – our music. On the other hand, I can say with a thousand percent certainty that I would easily and happily do my job if I was performing at venues like Cankarjev dom. So, in front of a calmer audience, without unreal hype.

But what I would like most in the world is to turn into a footballer for ten seconds and score a goal at an important match. You know why? Because that is the biggest adrenaline hit that exists. When we perform on various stages, there's mayhem around us for two hours straight. But in football, when a goal is scored, that happens in a millisecond. You go from nothing into total chaos. Everyone loses their minds. I'd love to experience that. Well, I did – much like everyone who played football in primary school. When I scored a goal for Slovan and a hundred people in the stands clapped for me, I felt like I was on Maracanã. Imagine what it would be like to experience that on the real Maracanã.

It's interesting that you highlighted a loving and stable family background. Many of the biggest pop and rock stars in the world grew up in a diametrally opposite environment. From John Lennon and Janis Joplin to Prince and Rihanna. There are actually so many of them that we can talk about a pattern.

I know, because I love to read their (auto)biographies, and I agree with your assessment that their family circumstances are fundamentally different than ours. That is always my answer to the question when someone wants to know how debauched our tours are. When I tell them that we mostly drink water and tea on the road, they just can't believe it. But it's the truth, because we've realised three things. First, we enjoy what we do immensely, and from the experiences of many musicians, we know that you can almost definitely forget about a long career if you start doing everything that we perceive as the proverbial rock'n'roll lifestyle. A band like that breaks up sooner or later, either because of frayed nerves, or exploding egos, or because of money. Second, we've all had to go to work hungover and we know very well that it's unbearable. I especially can't imagine how we could stay healthy and keep our strength and our voice if we were constantly hungover on the road. In that case, the only short-term solution is drugs, which we fortunately [knocks on wood] don't do. And third: I'm sure that you have a much better time on stage if you're aware that you are on it.

Your international breakthrough doesn't have a precedent among Slovenian musicians. Would you dare to point out where the difference is, why you made it and not for example Siddharta, who had filled Bežigrad stadium and later did not hide their international ambitions?

We have to understand that Siddharta didn't have the chance to perform at a festival like Eurovision. It's hard to understand what it means for 160 million people to watch you. That is a bizzarely huge number. All this happened in the time of social media, and we had set up a pretty good mechanism in that area even before Eurovision, and then also used it, whereas Siddharta established itself as a band in the time of analogue media. I can't even imagine how it would've been possible to break through abroad from Slovenia at that time. Because even we are already – even though some things have opened up for us very nicely and we've been joined by the right people – finding out how much of an investment going international demands. Dreams of megalomanical earnings and a luxurious life brought on by a European tour shatter quickly. Even when you start filling up venues, you stay in a kind of hustle mode. You fight. Unfortunately, the costs in the music business are so high that performing abroad is more or less just for promotion for a long time.

You're probably thinking of logistical costs?

Yes. Some of my colleagues have total misconceptions about our earnings. They think that we're literally swimming in money, while we actually earn what amounts to a normal salary.

In March next year you will have eighteen concerts. You will start in Helsinki and end in Milan. How will you travel?

With a tour bus. We've rented it twice so far: for the UK tour and for the tour around Lithuania, Poland, and Czechia. There are beds on it, so we can sleep while driving from one concert to the next. The tourbus is prohibitively expensive, you pay almost half of your royalties for it, but it's the only way for a musician with such a packed schedule to survive in the long run. Sometimes people ask me why we don't travel with a van instead, but you have to understand that we sometimes have concerts two days in a row and the venues are 800 kilometres apart. If we spent all night in an uncomfortable van, then looked for a hotel in the morning and so on, we might be able to endure it for a week, but definitely not all month.

Do you ever sleep in a hotel?

Only on free days.

Will the March tour be your most exhausting one so far?

It will definitely be one of the more exhausting ones, but I am definitely happy that we will be able to sleep on a tour bus. We haven't been on a month-long tour yet, so it's hard to predict anything, but on the Nordic tour this year we played six concerts in five days, because we had two concerts in one day in Helsinki. We didn't have a tour bus there, we flew instead. That meant that after the concert, we got to the hotel at midnight, then we had to be at the airport at three in the morning, a few hours later we were already at the new location, we napped for two hours on a couch, had a soundcheck – rinse and repeat for five days in a row.

Let's not talk only about the negative sides of tours…

Of course. I love sleeping on the bus! I fall asleep like a baby who's being taken for a walk in a stroller. I can't sleep more than nine or ten hours in my bed at home, on a tour bus I easily get twelve hours. Maybe it's because it's constantly shaking a little. The other guys also sleep very well on the road.

But the most magical thing on tours is when I visit a city for the first time just because we have a gig there. That seems unimaginable to me. To meet new people, wonderful fans, to bond as a band, experience new, funny situations, to bring home a bunch of new inside jokes and incredible gifts that fans have made themselves. [Points towards a hand-embroidered pillow in the part of the studio where they keep the gifts.]

Elite athletes often lament that it's true that they compete all over the world, but they often only see the airport, the hotel, and the sports venue.

It's similar for us. When we travel with a bus, we only see the venue. If we happen to have a free day, we walk around the city, but we definitely don't visit all kinds of tourist attractions as some people might wrongly imagine. When we go to Paris, we definitely won't go to the Louvre, and we will see the Eiffel tower through the bus window if everything goes well.

But you meet a lot of interesting people.

That's true. I find it the most fascinating if we meet fans when we don't expect them at all. In a restaurant, on a plane… When we were flying to Poland, it turned out that one of the flight attendants was a big fan of ours. She told us that she was going to three of our concerts and brought us champagne and a model of a Lot Polish Airlines plane.

I was even more surprised in Helsinki. I went to some kind of dark club that had a techno music party. Suddenly I was approached by three people, two guys and one girl, and they told me that they were our fans and that they couldn't believe that they met me in that club. I also couldn't believe that people recognised me in the middle of Helsinki. What's going on?!

In the summer, you took a step back from Instagram for a while. What brought you to that decision?

Many things. I felt creatively empty. I also, for the first time in my life, experienced the internet – not just Slovenian, but global – being completely oversaturated with me. That started negatively pressuring me and eating me up. I thought about it a lot, and the first time I asked myself whether I'd be less Bojan Cvjetićanin if I didn't have an Instagram profile, I turned it off. Immediately after that, I wrote three songs; I felt as if I had cleaned up some of the mess that had built up recently. I returned to social media some time ago; with much healthier habits than before, I think.

How do you see social media? As a space for playfulness, for promotion, part of the job, part of private life?

I think that at the time when they started killing me, I perceived them too professionally. I had a feeling that Instagram was a platform through which I had to achieve all sorts of things. Lately, I prefer to joke around more.

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post! And if you repost the photos, do not crop out the photographer credit.

[andvys]

We'll burn the sky | part fourteen

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, alcohol, heartbreak, mentions of unrequited feelings

Pairings: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!fem!reader

Summary: The hope of things getting better gets crushed too soon.

Word count: 6k+

Author note: In the fic, readers dad sang the song 'Hey Jude' by The Beatles. Also shoutout to @mysticmunson who made an article and a cover for a magazine for this fic!

Series Masterlist

-

It took a lot of convincing for you to join Eddie and the others for their friends' Christmas. While you got along with all of them and became friends with them quickly, you still felt like you would be intervening. They have been friends for years and you had only joined their group recently. None of them accepted a no from you though, the teens were begging you to come and so were Eddie and Robin. You and Steve haven’t talked since Wednesday night and you began to miss him.

Now you are here, surrounded by your new friends at Robin’s place. Her living room smells like the pine from the Christmas tree, freshly baked cookies and a hint of cinnamon and pumpkin spice from all her candles. 

She has a small apartment but it’s cozy, a bunch of movies and books are all over the place, some are on the shelves, others are piling up on the floor. You checked them out the moment you stepped into her apartment, getting excited over all the horror movies she had collected.  

You finally met Jonathan and his friend from college; Argyle, who pulled you into a conversation right away, enthusiastically asking you questions about the tour. You settled beside him on the couch, quickly forgetting about all the heavy thoughts that lingered in your mind.

Steve kept looking at you all evening, eying you with an unsure look in his eyes, he wanted to talk to you but couldn’t bring himself to, he was too nervous. Even though you told him that you were okay and that everything was fine between you, he didn’t believe it and he still doesn’t. The fear that he messed up completely and broke your trust makes him feel so unbelievably angry with himself. 

He was supposed to be your safe place, the one who protects you from all the pain and yet he hurt you. He knows he did. 

“Hey Dingus,” Robin whispers. She nudges his shoulder and offers him a drink. 

He looks at her and then he looks down at the glass in her hand, eying the beverage. “Eggnog?” He asks, already taking the drink from her hand. 

“Yup.” 

“Cool,” he mumbles. Raising the cup to his lips, he looks back at you as he takes the first sip. You are laughing at something Argyle said, the man beside you looking proud at his jokes. 

Robin stares at him. She pities him, knowing that he likes you and that he is beating himself up for what happened two nights ago. You are not mad at him, you told her that and she told him that but he doesn’t believe it. 

“You should talk to her.” 

“How?” 

“Just talk to her the way you always do,” she mumbles.

“Yeah but how do I approach her?”

“Just like always, like ‘hey honey, can we talk?’” Robin says in a deep voice.

Steve scrunches his face up, furrowing his brows. “I do not sound like that,” he mumbles. 

“Yes, you do.” 

“No, I don’t.” 

“Yes, you do!” She exclaims with a teasing look on her face. “You always have that smirk on your face too, flick your hair and put your hand on your hip like a mom.”

“What? I– no!”

She laughs at him, drinking her eggnog and looking behind her best friend’s shoulder with a knowing look on her face. 

“What are you smirking at?” He mumbles, rolling his eyes. 

Robin raises her brows and tilts her chin, gesturing to something behind him. Before he can turn around, he hears your voice. 

“Steve?” 

Suddenly, he feels nervous again, in a way he hasn’t felt in a while. He turns around, trying to force a smile on his face when he looks down at you. He almost expects to see something negative in your eyes, disgust, anger, hate but he finds none of those, he only finds softness in them. 

“Can we talk?” You ask with shyness in your voice, something so unusual for you. 

He nods, eyes softening as he watches you sigh in relief. You take his hand and lead him to the quiet corner in Robin’s living room, you both sit on the window nook.

He doesn’t look at you, not yet. Instead, he looks around the room. Max is talking to Jonathan and Nancy. Argyle is now leaning against the kitchen island, joking around with Eddie and Dustin. The others are on the couch and on the floor, seemingly in a heated conversation about holiday movies.

He feels your eyes on him and he finally turns to face you. You eye him with an apologetic look in your eyes. 

What do you have to feel apologetic for? He is the one who messed up, Steve thinks. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, chuckling.

You nod. 

“Why are you so nice, why are you looking at me like that?” He asks. He feels genuinely confused. You should be angry at him, you shouldn’t be so nice, you shouldn’t look at him like that. 

“I don’t want you to feel bad about what happened, Steve.” 

“We– I messed up,” he mumbles, shaking his head a little as he stares at you with a frown on his face. “You– I didn’t even make sure that you were okay with it–”

“I was okay with it.”

“But I still feel bad.”

“You don’t have to, I promise. I just want to go back to the way things were.” 

“Really?”

“Yes.”

You look at Nancy, the girl that told you about the apparent feelings Steve harbored for you. With a nervous glance and an unsure look on your face, you turn back to him. 

Should you ask him? 

He knows it, he knows that you want to ask something. He can tell by the furrowed brows and the curiosity in your eyes. 

“A-Are we okay?” You ask the questions that you didn’t mean to ask. 

His gaze softens and he finally moves to touch your hand, something he wasn’t sure about at first. 

“Of course, we’re okay, honey.” He pauses, taking a deep breath, he keeps his eyes locked with yours, “but what do you really wanna know?” 

Your eyes widen a little, something that makes him chuckle. 

“Come on, ask what you wanna ask, it’s okay, I won’t be–”

“Do you have feelings for me?” You blurt out in a whisper, already blushing. 

His eyes widen, lips parting and his cheeks grow red. “W-What? Who told you that?” 

You grow nervous, your heart is beginning to race in your chest, you don’t want to hurt him, you don’t want to break his heart, he means too much to you. 

“I– no one,” you whisper, looking down at his hand, “I’m just wondering.” 

A small smile tugs on his lips as he watches you, for someone so tough and confident, you look small and shy, right now. You are worried about him and his feelings, that alone would be enough to mend the pain in his heart if it was there. You don’t want to break his heart. 

He whispers your name and you almost sigh in relief when you don’t hear any pain in his voice. He squeezes your hand, urging you to look at him. You do and meet his eyes again. 

“Listen,” he begins, “I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel something for you but it’s not– I’m not in love with you, I’m not gonna be heartbroken when you leave and when this thing between us will come to an end. I mean, I will be fucking sad,” he chuckles as he runs his fingers through his hair, “you and I, we had a really good time, one of the best times of my life, actually. You’ve become one of my best friends and I hope that you won’t forget about me when you leave because I sure as hell will never forget you and our time.” 

You blink, smiling at him, you squeeze his hand the way he did to you. 

“I could never forget you, Steve Harrington.” 

“Never?” 

“Never.” 

You smile at each other, despite what happened and the way you felt the other night, you still feel safe with him. 

“I got used to this,” he smiles, flicking his hand back and forth between the two of you, “having someone to hang out with, I mean other than Robin or the others. You made me realize that I miss having someone, someone to hold and kiss, you know?” 

You nod at his words. You understand it, you feel the same but while he misses having someone in general, you only missed one person and even though you did enjoy the time with him, you still always thought about Eddie. 

“At some point, I convinced myself that I don’t need anyone, that I’m not lucky in that department anyways,” he chuckles, rolling his eyes at himself, “I thought that all I’d ever get is meaningless hookups or just.. heartbreak.” 

You raise your brows, smile turning upside down as you stare at him. He deserves more than that, more than meaningless flings. 

“But then I met you and yeah, we hooked up too but it was also more than that. You showed me that it doesn’t have to be meaningless, that even though we aren’t in a relationship, we can still be something more than just this,” he mumbles, scooting closer to you, he looks down at the rings on your fingers, the ones that he played with when he held your hands, “you never made me feel used. Even when I knew you loved him, you never made me feel like I was a rebound or a thing to play with when you were bored. You never wanted something from me, you were just this sweet girl that wanted to be with me, even if only for a moment.” 

Oh. 

You and him, you are the same in a way. Perhaps this is why you got along so well. 

All your life, you have felt like people wanted or needed something from you. You felt used, still do.

“So uh– I guess what I wanted to say is, thank you,” he smiles, squeezing your hand, “and I’m sorry for what happened that night.” 

You blink, staring into his hazel eyes, you see so much in them. Emotions that you both share. 

Yeah, the night at the trailer was something that left you feeling weird, something that made you feel used and even when it wasn’t what they did, something inside of you was damaged when you let your thoughts get the best of you. Your feelings for either of them haven't changed. You care about Steve and you love Eddie and that is something that will always stay the same. 

Steve mended the pain in your heart after the horrible nights that followed when you found out about Chrissy. He became your friend and something more, there is an energy surrounding the two of you, one that makes you feel safe and comforted. It’s like having a safe haven that you know you can always come back to even after a long long time and you know it will still feel the same. There is nothing romantic about it but it’s nice. 

He is your friend, one that will stay with you forever. You can confidently say that knowing that it’s the truth. 

“Thank you, Steve,” you smile, “you made my life better and you made me happy when I needed it the most.” 

“Come here,” he whispers, opening his arms for you. You smile and lean closer to him, wrapping your arms around him, you hug him and close your eyes. 

“I’m gonna miss you when I’m gone.” 

He hugs you even tighter, sighing sadly, “I’m gonna miss you, rockstar.” 

On the other side of the room, Eddie stands there with a drink in his hand and a scowl on his face as he watches you staying in Steve’s embrace for longer than necessary. Letting the man touch your face after tucking your hair behind your ear. 

Your eyes light up when he says something to you, you laugh and slap his shoulder playfully. 

Do you look at him like that? Do you smile the same way when he talks to you? Do your eyes light up the same way? 

Eddie swallows, his chest feels burdened with jealousy. He feels ridiculous for feeling this way, maybe even a little hypocritical considering he let Steve touch you in a way that was nowhere near friendly but he can’t help it. Anytime another man gets a little too close to you, he gets both angry and insecure but most of all, jealous. 

“Damn, I never saw you look so angry.” 

Eddie snaps his head towards Lucas, who is happily munching on one of the cookies that Nancy made. 

“I’m not angry,” Eddie mutters, angrily. 

Lucas chuckles, nodding, “sure, whatever you say, Eddie. You are totally not jealous over the fact that Steve is kissing her right now.”

“What?” Eddie almost shrieks as he turns to look at you again, heart dropping to his stomach at his words only to find you gone and Steve joining El and Robin in a conversation. 

Clenching his jaw, he turns back to Lucas, “you little shit,” he says through gritted teeth. Lucas only laughs, satisfaction flickering in his eyes. 

“So you are jealous, huh?” 

Rolling his eyes, he only shrugs, “clearly.” 

“You’re so dense, man,” Lucas sighs. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You are dense!” He exclaims, throwing his arms up. “She is like literally in love with you and you are over here glaring at her–”

“I did not glare at her!”

“Yes, you did! You looked pretty scary right now, scarier than Henry Creel!” 

“Dude!” 

“It’s the truth!” Lucas mumbles, rolling his eyes. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Listen, clearly you have messed up somehow, otherwise you wouldn’t look at each other like kicked puppies, all the damn time. You probably made things worse by trying to make them right ‘cause I know that you can be an idiot sometimes, no offense. But you really gotta man up and fix things before you lose her and trust me, you don’t wanna lose her.” 

Eddie blinks. 

How is this 17 year old boy wiser and smarter than him? 

He is right, he doesn’t want to lose you, ever. The thought of living a life without you makes him sick. Even if you never give him a chance again, he still wants you in his life, even if he’ll only get to love you from afar. 

You breathe in the cold air, closing your eyes, you lean back against the concrete wall. The wind is harsh tonight as the snow falls. You wonder if there is a storm brewing, beside the one inside of you. 

You are overstimulated by all the emotions running through you. 

Confusion. Sadness. Insecurities. Anger. Exhaustion. Heartbreak. 

The conversation with Chrissy left you with nothing but confusion, just like Eddie’s and Steve’s actions did. 

The days leading closer to Christmas and to your Dad’s death anniversary leaves you with sadness, too much of it. 

Your many insecurities have always been there but they have never been as intense as they are now. Despite Eddie’s words, Robin’s words or even Chrissy’s words, you can’t help but fear that Eddie doesn’t care about you in the same way you do for him. So far, things have only ever been physical between you two, at least from his side. 

Before Eddie, you had never felt an emotional connection to anyone else, you have never loved anyone romantically, you have never felt all of this for another person. You were scared of these feelings, of falling in love only to end up heartbroken. 

You were scared of falling in love with the wrong person. Though despite everything that happened, Eddie could never be the wrong person, even if he continues to put you through pain, you will never regret loving him. 

He is your person, even if you aren’t his. 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

You open your eyes and turn to see Max approaching you, even in the darkness, you can see the concern in her eyes as she looks at you. 

You smile at her and nod your head, “yes, I’m okay.” 

She doesn’t look convinced, raising her brows, she crosses her arms over her chest as she pulls her jacket tighter around her body to shield herself from the cold wind. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” you mumble with uncertainty in your voice. 

She takes a moment to think about her words as she looks into your eyes as though she tries to figure you out. 

“Is this too much for you?” She asks, “I mean the whole Christmas party.” 

She doesn’t have to spell it out for you to know what she actually means by her question. 

“No, I actually like it,” you smile, “I’m just not used to it, I haven’t celebrated Christmas in years.” 

Because what was there to celebrate after he died that day? 

“Honestly? I hate Christmas,” Max admits with a sigh and an eye roll, causing you to chuckle. 

“Really?” 

Her eyes widen as she nods, “yeah because even though my mom left my step dad, she still insists on spending holidays with him and Billy.” 

“Billy?” 

“My step brother who is a major asshole.” 

“Oh no,” you mumble with a scowl on your face. 

“Yeah, he is horrible and he always makes sure to make me feel horrible, especially during holidays, so I really just can’t wait for it to be over.” 

“I get it. I feel the same way,” you admit, “but I’m sorry about him, fuck that guy.” 

She chuckles at your words, “yeah, fuck that guy.” 

“What about your dad?” You ask. 

Her eyes light up and a smile appears on her face. “Oh, my dad is amazing, I don’t see him very often but he calls all the time. Lucas and I are going to visit him over the summer, he lives in California.” 

“That sounds nice,” you smile, “I hope you’ll have the best summer before you both go to college.” 

“I’m sure we will,” she smiles, “but back to you, what are you doing tomorrow?” 

“Oh umm.. I think that I will relax in my motel room,” you chuckle. 

You are not looking forward to tomorrow or the day after at all. No matter what you do, no matter how much you try to distract yourself, it doesn’t work, it never works. This day always brings you back to that horrible night.

“Alone?” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna get ready for tour, we’re leaving next week.” 

“You can’t spend Christmas by yourself,” she frowns. 

“I always spend Christmas by myself.” 

“You shouldn’t, that’s sad.” Especially because of your dad, she wants to add but doesn’t. “I’d invite you to spend it with us but I don’t think that you want to meet Billy,” she rolls her eyes, “did Eddie not invite you?” 

No. He didn’t. Eddie didn’t invite you. Steve did but he didn’t. 

Maybe he doesn’t want you around. Christmas is a holiday that you spend with your loved ones, not ones you keep around because you like the way they make you feel, because you like touching them. 

You shake your head. 

“What?” 

“Uh no, he uh– he didn’t invite me,” you mumble as the sadness begins to take hold of you, “which is fine, that’s a day you gotta spend with your family or with people you love. Eddie and I are just friends.” 

She furrows her brows in confusion. She opens her mouth to speak but quickly closes it again. You feel overwhelmed, just like you did minutes before you left the apartment. She could see the way you put on a mask, the way you smiled at Steve and laughed along to his jokes despite the pain in your eyes, you are good at hiding your emotions and so is she, that’s why she could see right through you. 

“It’s getting late, I think I’m gonna go,” you mumble, blinking away the tears that start to well up in your eyes. 

“Do you want me to get Steve, so he can drive you?” She asks even though she already knows that you will say no. You want to be alone. 

“No,” you shake your head, forcing a smile on your face, “it’s just a short walk, I’ll be fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, thank you for tonight, the party was nice.” 

“You don’t have to thank us, you’re our friend now,” she smiles.

Her words warm your heart a little.

You give her a hug before you leave, telling her to enjoy the rest of the party before you walk away but then you make the abrupt decision to go the other way after Max goes back inside. The thought of being all alone in the quiet room makes you feel sick but going back to the party isn’t an option either. You need some time alone, a good drink and some music. 

That’s how you find yourself sitting at the bar you performed in this Tuesday. Ordering yourself a drink and opting to watch the people around you. 

Your eyes lock with blue ones, the ones that were stuck on you all night ever since you walked inside the hideout.

His hair is blond, a little messy. He has tattoos on his left arm, a dark look on his face and a smirk tugs at his lips when you don’t look away from him. He is attractive. If you weren’t so hung up on a man that probably only wants to fuck you, you would be over there flirting with this stranger already. 

You look away, running your fingers through your hair, you sigh. 

You’re a mess, a complicated mess with too many trust issues and feelings. You keep changing your mind about everything, your thoughts are running wild, making you feel as though you are going crazy. Everything that ever hurt you, keeps repeating itself in your head and you wish that your thoughts would just shut up. 

That the pain could just stop. 

Will it ever stop?

“Hey.” 

You already know who it is before you even turn around to face the man. 

“Hi.”

He smirks at you, eying you up and down before he looks at the seat next to you, “can I sit here?” 

“If you give me your name,” you say with raised brows. 

He licks his lips, chuckling, he holds his hand out to you, “I’m Henry.” 

Oh my god. 

“Henry,” you mumble, a smirk tugging at your lips. You assume that he must be the Henry Creel, the one that everyone kept mentioning, you expected him to look scary but there is not a single thing scary about him, well– maybe the look in his eyes is but you don’t care. 

You give him your name and watch as he takes the seat next to you. 

“I know who you are,” he chuckles, “you’re all over the television.” 

His voice is raspy and he looks deep into your eyes. 

“Yeah, do you want an autograph?” You joke. 

“No, I think I’d rather talk to you.”

“What if I don’t want to talk?” 

“Then I’ll leave,” he shrugs, “do you want me to leave?”

You tear your eyes away from him and look down at your drink, sloshing the dark liquid around, you down the rest of it, slamming the glass on the table. You call the bartender over, “can I get another one?” 

The bartender, a middle aged man with the name tag Tom, nods at you, reaching for your glass. 

“Actually make it two,” you request as you look back at Henry whose eyes light up. 

With the way he has been making eyes at you all night, you expected him to be flirting with you but instead you found yourself having a pleasant conversation with the man that your friends have warned you about. 

The only thing creepy about him is his obsession with spiders and zombies but he is probably just a really big fan of horror. He even has a big spider tattoo on his wrist. 

You find out that he lives alone in a big house, he stayed behind after his family left Hawkins but he works as a tattoo artist in a different town. 

The whole time he is talking to you, you nod along and listen. Leaning your elbow against the table, you cup your cheek and stare at him, wondering what gave him such a bad reputation. 

Hours go by and you knock back one drink after the other, letting the alcohol flood your system. You needed this. A distraction. To feel careless and free of your thoughts. Who would’ve thought that a talk with a stranger and a few drinks would make you feel better? 

“You are nice,” you slur, furrowing your brows. 

“Why wouldn’t I be nice?” 

“People say you’re dangerous and scary.” 

He chuckles at your words, “maybe I am dangerous and scary.” 

You shake your head, laughing, “no, I’ve met dangerous people before, you’re not dangerous. You just have that mean look on your face,” you mumble as you point to his eyes, “and your obsession with spiders makes you seem scary but you probably just want to be spiderman– hey, have you ever been to New York? You should go there but don’t have your first kiss there with someone you love or it’ll all go downhill,” you ramble carelessly. 

You don’t see the way he raises his brows in surprise, you are too drunk to notice anything at this point. Getting more and more dizzy and tired. 

“I fell in love with this– this guy who had a girlfriend but I didn’t know about her until she surprised him and then I got all heartbroken and we got into a lot of fights and blah blah,” you roll your eyes, “then I fucked his friend.” 

“Oh,” Henry mumbles, looking surprised. 

“Yeah and he got jealous. He got all pissed at me because I fucked his friend! He had a girlfriend! He had no right to be jealous, right?” 

“Totally not.” 

“But then he wanted to fuck me with his friend, how fucking stupid is that?” 

“Wait what–”

“I hate men, they are so dumb– no offense.” 

“None taken, you’re right.” 

“I know, I’m always right.” 

He chuckles as he looks down at you. 

You run your fingers through your messy hair, trying to sit straight. 

“I think I need another drink–”

“No, I really think you don’t,” he says, pushing the half empty glass away from you, “you’ve had enough. You should go home.” 

You tilt your head, squinting your eyes as you turn to look at him, “no, I don’t.” 

“The bar is closing soon.” 

“Oh,” you frown, “well, it was nice to meet you,” you mumble, jumping off the chair, your knees buckle and you almost fall to the ground if it wasn’t for him holding you up, “whoa, you okay?” He chuckles. 

A small laugh leaves your lips, you nod, “yeah, thanks,” you mumble, blinking, you feel yourself getting dizzy, “I think I had too much.” You stumble into his chest, “you smell good, is that Dior?” 

He chuckles again, placing his hands on your waist, he pushes you back a little. 

“Do you need some water–” 

“Hey! Get your hands off of her!” 

You look behind him, to see Eddie walking towards you with an angry and worried look in his eyes. 

“Oh no,” you mumble as a wave of sickness rushes through you, “there is the guy.” 

Eddie can’t believe it. He was sick with worry, searching for you everywhere after finding your motel room dark and empty. Here you are, getting cozy with Henry fucking Creel.

“What the fuck, y/n?” He mutters angrily as he stops in front of you, he reaches for you, pulling you away from Henry, he looks down at you, “I was worried about you!” 

“Why?” You slur, looking up into his dark eyes, “I’m fine, just hanging out with spiderman.”

He scrunches his face up, the smell of whiskey hits him. The red rimmed eyes and your drowsy state makes him even more worried. He cups your cheeks. 

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters under his breath, “how much did you have?” 

You slap his hands away, “stop acting like my dad, you’re not my dad. My dad is dead.” 

Eddie frowns at your words. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Eddie–”

“You’re getting drunk with strangers now?” 

“Henry is my friend, he’s gonna give me a tattoo, right Henry?” 

Henry shrugs, “yeah sure.” 

“Or maybe some nipple piercings,” you smirk. 

“What the fuck,” Eddie mumbles. 

“Yeah, what the fuck, Eddie? Did you know that he is a tattoo artist and not some scary serial killer?”

He rolls his eyes at you, taking your hand, he squeezes it softly, “come on, I’ll take you home.”

To his surprise, you don’t protest. He grabs your coat and wraps it around your shoulders before he leads you out. He mutters something under his breath as you step into the darkness. Suddenly, you start giggling causing him to get even more irritated. 

You lean against the wall, almost stumbling to the ground again but Eddie holds your waist tightly. 

“What the fuck is so funny to you?” 

You look at the frown on his face, his eye is twitching and his cheeks are red. He is mad. 

“Get your hands off of her,” you imitate him with a low voice, “are you worried that someone else will use me for my body? I-I mean, that’s all I am to you, a body, right?”

“What?” He scoffs. 

“I’m just a body– a thing to you,” you slur, “that’s what you called me, a pretty little thing, that’s what you called me that one night on the tour bus. And that’s all you ever want me for. You always just wanna touch me and kiss me, otherwise I’m not interesting to you.” 

“What?” Eddie repeats, though he doesn’t sound shocked or angry now, just sad. 

“Can you bring me home– no, wait,” you giggle again, “I don’t have a home.” 

Eddie stares at you with tears in his eyes. Right here, right now, he realizes just how hurt you really are. Despite your laugh and the carefree act you put on, it’s so clear to him that you are in pain and it breaks his heart. 

“I’m a wreck,” you say, running your hand down your face, “man, I’m so annoying.” 

He shakes his head, stepping towards you, he cups your cheeks. Getting angry at himself for making you feel this way about yourself. 

“You’re not a wreck and you are not annoying, Sweetheart and you’re not some thing to me. You’re my girl, my best friend, okay?” 

Your glossy eyes widen at his words. 

“Best friend?” You whisper. 

“Yeah, you are my everything. I’m an idiot, a really big one. I know I made mistakes, too many of them but I can prove you wrong, I can show you that you are more to me than what you think.”

“Please?” You whisper with hope in your eyes. 

“I will prove it to you,” he says softly, leaning down, he presses his lips to your forehead, giving you a gentle kiss, “I won’t touch you unless you tell me to. We can start over, okay?” 

You nod. 

He pulls you into his arms and hugs you tightly. You breathe his scent in, a sense of comfort washing over you. You close your eyes and lay your head on his chest. 

“I can be your home.” 

“Really?” You mumble into his chest as the exhaustion takes over you again. 

“Yes baby,” he whispers, running his fingers through your hair, “and please don’t ever hang out with Henry again–”

“Henry is nice.” 

“No, he really isn’t,” Eddie mumbles in annoyance. 

“Yes, he is, he is a sweet boy.” 

“Jesus Christ,” he sighs. 

“Let’s get you to bed, Sweetheart.” 

He brings you back to the motel room, taking your clothes off and replacing them with comfortable ones. He takes your makeup off and brushes your hair while you brush your teeth. Eddie loves taking care of you, it’s something he never told you before but he does. 

Before you, he hated being responsible for others, he didn’t like taking care of other people but it’s different with you. 

He manages to convince you to drink a glass of water, hoping that it will make you feel less bad in the morning but neither that or the advil help you. You wake up with a pounding head.  

Groaning in pain, you open your eyes, feeling thankful for the closed curtains. 

You sit up, burying your face in your hands. You haven’t felt this way in a long time. You don’t drink much, ever. Hangovers are the absolute worst, that’s why you keep it light with the drinks, usually. 

You force yourself out of bed, you read the clock, 12:00 pm.

“Jesus,” you mumble. It’s unusual for you to sleep this long. 

You find a note and a full water bottle, along with some painkillers on the nightstand. 

Please eat something when you wake up and call me.

-Eddie.

You don’t think that you will get anything down right now or today in general. 

You don’t call him right away, opting for a shower instead, hoping that it will wake you up and make you feel better. You grab some fresh clothes before walking into the bathroom. Turning the water on, you start taking your clothes off. You turn to look at yourself in the mirror. 

Frowning at the puffy eyes and the circles beneath them. 

“Wreck,” you mumble to yourself, rolling your eyes, you turn away and step into the shower.

You close your eyes when the warm water touches your skin. You stand there for a couple of minutes before you begin to wash your hair and your body. You don’t think of anything yet, too focused on the headache and your craving for coffee. 

You take your time getting ready. You put lotion on your body, style your hair and put makeup on your face, hoping that it’ll make you look less exhausted. You pick out a warm sweater and some dark jeans.

The weight on your shoulder is heavy but some of it was lifted last night after your conversation with Steve and Eddie. 

I can be your home

We can start over

Start over. Yes, you both can start over. You can start over. Things don’t have to be this way. You don’t have to be broken and insecure. You can be more than that. You can be okay. 

You are surprised by the amount of snow that fell overnight. All the trees and all the streets are covered in snow and it's icy cold outside. 

You were meaning to go to the store but it’s too far away to walk in this cold so you stop by the gas station instead, hoping to get a hot drink and a few snacks here. 

You greet the very bored looking cashier as you walk inside. Last Christmas by Wham is playing on the radio. The only Christmas song you’ll ever tolerate. 

You walk past the drinks and the magazines when something catches your eye. 

The warmth that the store provided you only lasted for a moment. Your blood runs cold and your heart drops to your stomach when your eyes fall on the cover of one of the magazines. 

“What the fuck,” you whisper as you feel yourself getting sick already. 

A picture of your dad is on the cover of one of the magazines. You step closer, ignoring the pounding of your heart. With shaky hands, you reach towards it. Eyes filled with shock as you read the lines on the cover. 

HOLIDAY HEARTBREAK

BELOVED LEGEND DIED OF DRUG OVERDOSE, NOT MEDICAL CONDITION. AN INSIDE SCOOP INTO THE MAN WE THOUGHT WE KNEW. 

“No….” You whisper with tears in your eyes. 

You rush towards the counter with the magazine in your hand, slamming a fifty dollar bill on the counter.

“Hey, that’s too much!” The teen says to you as he looks at you in confusion. 

“Keep the change,” you mumble as you leave the store. Not even caring about the cold anymore, walk towards the bench on the sidewalk. Sitting down, you flip through the pages. 

Breathing heavily, you try to see through the blurry vision in your eyes as you begin to read the article. Your hands are shaking, you feel like throwing up as the bile in your throat rises. 

The Hey Jude singer secretly battled a drug addiction before being found by his daughter on Christmas. Is she following in his footsteps? 

You don’t even feel your heart racing any longer, you don’t feel any anger. 

You read the rest of it, only growing more scared and confused. 

Mentions of your apparent drug addiction only make you feel even sicker. 

“What the fuck..” 

You stare at it for the longest time, not knowing how to actually feel. Tears begin to stream down your face and you have to hold yourself together to keep yourself from sobbing. How do they know? How did this happen? Who talked? Who said all these horrible things about you?

You sniffle, closing the magazine, you get up. 

You never wanted this, you never wanted them to know about what happened to him. 

They waited for this day to publish this stupid magazine. You clench your jaw, looking up into the sky, you close your eyes. The pain and the anger and everything else begins to fade into numbness. 

You don’t even think about what will happen next but you know that the rest of the tour will be hell for you. 

Ever since he died, you have hated this day but now you despise it. 

His name is ruined and so is yours. 

You walk over to the telephone booth, throwing a coin into the phone box, you dial the number, already knowing that you are making a huge mistake. This person never gave you an ounce of comfort in your life and yet, you call her. 

You have never felt so low. 

You hold the receiver tightly in your shaky hand, ignoring the tears that stream down your face. 

“Hello?” 

“Mom?” 

The line goes silent and you are afraid that she hung up the phone. 

“Mom, are you there?” You ask, not even recognizing your own voice anymore. 

She says your name, almost regretfully. 

“Did you see?” You ask as you look down at the magazine. 

“See what, y/n?” 

“The article?” 

“Yes.” 

Her voice is monotone, strict. She doesn’t care, she never did and it hurts you more than ever today. 

“C-Can I see you?” You ask with a shaky voice. 

She sighs and you already know what that means. 

“Listen, I gotta go–”

“Mom, please,” you beg.

The line is silent for another few seconds. Your heart is racing, your bottom lip is trembling as your body is shaking, not from the cold but from the fear. 

“I need you.” 

She doesn’t say anything but she hangs up the phone, leaving you alone once again. 

You close your eyes as you place the receiver back in place, wiping your tears away, you hold the magazine tightly against your chest as you leave the booth. 

How much worse will it get? 

“Y/n?”

You look up, not caring about the tears on your face and the ones that are welling up in your eyes again. Even through your blurry vision, you recognize him. 

“H-Hi,” you mumble, trying to keep yourself from crying. 

He eyes you with concern in his eyes, holding the keys to his truck, he puts them inside of his pocket as he walks towards you. 

“Are you okay, kid?” He asks. 

You blink, trying to come up with words, trying to come up with a lie but you can’t, not right now. 

You shake your head, “no,” you whisper, unable to stop the sob from escaping. 

Wayne sighs deeply, a sad look taking over his features, he steps closer to you.

“Come here, darling,” he says as he opens his arms, pulling you into his embrace. He rubs your back softly, holding you as you cry. 

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[slavghoul]

Interview from Sweden Rock Magazine 6/2023

In which Tobias talks about Phantomime, his inner little evil dictator, and why he'll never be like Bruce Springsteen, among other things.

You've just released another cover EP. I always thought that Ghost would be like Metallica and become known for picking up lesser-known songs, making them their own, and playing one or two covers at every show. You were on your way to that with first The Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun" and then with Roky Erickson's "If You Have Ghosts." After that, you released a bunch of covers, but in recent years, you've almost only played "Enter Sandman" live.

In the beginning, and especially up until 2015, the choice to play covers was not in exchange for original songs, but it was because we simply needed songs to play live. We played 'Here Comes the Sun' to fill out our set. We only had one album, and it was only 30 minutes long or something.

But "Here Comes the Sun" must have given you a taste for it since it worked so fantastically well live.

Yes, absolutely. We actually plan to play it again at some point because I think we can do a really great version of it now that our lineup better matches the sound of the song. The last time we played it was so long ago that we still used a lot of backing tracks and stuff. I think we can play it better now. But did you imagine that we would do covers of Saint Vitus, Trouble, and Coven?

No. Unlike Metallica, you didn't start with hard rock covers...

No, no.

...but with "Here Comes the Sun" and then "If You Have Ghosts," which became a big song in its own way, but "Enter Sandman" is a completely different type of cover.

Exactly, it has a completely different purpose. I think it's a good song, and it became a fun thing. There was clarity in why we played it and what was important about it. We don't do it anymore, not because we don't believe in the purpose, but it had its time. Now, "Jesus He Knows Me" is the most fun to incorporate because now we've embraced it as our own song. I feel like I have so much else, and I don't want to be... I mean, some people think it's a lot of fun, and Bruce Springsteen does a lot of covers at the end of a concert. A lot of cool rock 'n' roll classics. People enjoy it, and it's great. Disturbed also does that and plays "Highway to Hell" and "Run to the Hills" or whatever they do. It's a fun way to end a concert, but I don't know, I have a fondness for dramaturgy. That's why I could never do a Bruce Springsteen. I can't go on stage and just say, "Hey, what do you want to hear?" and then improvise. It's a show, and everything fits together tightly. I've been sitting here with our lighting technician for five days. We sit all day and just program lights based on the smallest damn beat so that it fits and so that we know that the guitarist will come out and switch to that guitar for the next song. It's this song, and he will come out there, and then we have to change these lights in the dark so that it's red on him there. Then it's not possible to have a "cover hour" at the end where we just turn on the lights and play Judas Priest. But if we do a Judas Priest cover at some point that feels really relevant and we can do it really well, then I have no problem arranging the lights and incorporating it into the context. Metallica is much more rock 'n' roll, they are much more "loose" than what we are... than I am. They have the ability to just go out and more or less turn on the lights in the room and play "Am I evil?", "Whiskey in a jar," "Blitzkrieg," and "Breadfan," and the happiest of all is me. I love when that happens, but I don't want to do it with Ghost. But sure, if in 30 years we have recorded a bunch of fun covers, maybe it could be a fun thing to do a tour with just a bunch of that.

How funny that you say "if we have recorded a bunch of fun covers." Ghost has already recorded a bunch of covers, so aren't they fun?

Haha! Yeah, yeah, but we're still building, of course. We're talking a lot about this, me and my agents and management. When is the time to do things? When should we take advantage? What is a "downplay" for us today? A "downplay" is very clear if you're Metallica. Everyone knows that when they come and perform, it's at least at the Globe Arena, sold out for at least two nights without any problem, and at their biggest, it's now two nights at Ullevi. For them, a clear "downplay" would be if they come and play at Göta Lejon again. There's a clarity there, and it's something they can indulge in.

Explain it so that people understand. What is a "downplay"?

A "downplay" is when a big band plays at a small venue. Like the Rolling Stones when they played at Circus. It's a clear "downplay," and there's a clarity there where you know that "now when I go and see the Rolling Stones at Circus, they won't have their big stage, they won't do this, and they'll just come up and play a bunch of really obscure stuff." Then there's a clarity. It's not something for everyone who just wants to hear the big hits.

And are there plans to do this?

If everything goes as planned and if there's still an interest in it in the future, I would think it would be really fun to intentionally and clearly reshape the show. To do something different on the side that isn't meant for these bigger things that we're currently trying to find our "pacing" in.

The first time I interviewed you was in 2011 at a sushi place in Stockholm.

Was it that long ago?

Yes, we met at the central station in Stockholm, and you had just had your first meeting with Nicholas Johansson at Universal, so this was before he signed you.

Okay, so it was the same day then? Oh, damn.

It became a full page in Expressen, and you said that you want to take Ghost to where Rammstein is. Now you've said the same thing again, but Rammstein no longer plays at the Globe Arena and instead does three nights at Ullevi. It feels like you're constantly shaping Ghost based on Rammstein. What will you do when you've reached three nights at Ullevi?

I hope one never becomes completely satisfied. The perfectionist in me is frustrated every day on tour when things don't turn out as good as I had envisioned. But I also have a cutoff point... There's a point every day when I try to see the glass as half full when it comes to perfection before the concert, and I know something is wrong. If I know that a spotlight operator doesn't seem to understand the show, it's an irritation that might continue during the concert because someone keeps missing their cues, that is, what they're supposed to do. You can tell they don't know the show. It's super annoying. It's the kind of thing that both I and everyone on stage feel, and we're all aware of it. Everyone has been made aware of what we're trying to achieve. We've arranged the whole show based on the idea that "when you come up those stairs, you will be visible, and then you will see what you're doing because a light will shine on you." If that doesn't happen, there's a risk that the person simply won't see what they're doing and will fall off. It happens. There's a lot of that kind of thing that's highly orchestrated with very narrow margins, and it has to be right. But I usually reach a point where it's like, "Now the concert is over. Everyone did their best, even that idiot up there who missed all their cues. Everyone did their best, and the audience doesn't seem to have left and demanded their money back, so you have to see it as a damn good result." That's how I try to approach it every day because, in the end, "no matter what, this is so much cooler than working a regular job," haha! I'm where I want to be, doing what I want to do. Then I have this little circus director Nazi inside me as well, screaming and wanting things to be a certain way. But I also laugh easily, so it's about constantly trying to balance everything and see it as always moving forward. But it also means that I know that even the day when or if we stand there at Ullevi and do a concert ourselves, it won't be exactly as I imagined. Something new will happen, and if we have the show I want, it will rain like hell or something. That's always how it is. Metallica's Lars also told me that when we were on tour together: "It's incredible. Even at our level, there are still things that happen that make us go, 'Damn, we're not quite there yet!'" But that's the thing. I don't think pirates become pirates just to come home and sit with the treasure. It was the piracy itself that was quite fun.

Now I'm going to say something provocative. This is Ghost's worst cover so far. I don't even like the original.

Which one?

"Phantom of the Opera."

Okay, haha!

Yeah, I got the laugh I wanted to be able to print, haha!

Well, haha! Don't you like the album or the song?

I'm not a big Iron Maiden fan, and I don't consider the Paul Di'Anno era sacred.

I love Iron Maiden and think the first two albums are really cool, but they got their act together when Bruce Dickinson joined. It was with "The Number of the Beast" that they became an arena band and started sounding really damn good. I know it's like swearing in church. It made me feel a bit inspired and made me think that if I were to do something with Iron Maiden, it damn well had to be something from those first albums. They have two albums with really proggy stuff and quirky arrangements, and you can really tell they had a bit of time and that they were low-budget recordings. That gets me going. Paul Di'Anno sings, and I love Paul Di'Anno. He's really cool, has a great voice, and sings with a lot of sloppiness. He soars and flies melodically - just the fact that "I know I'll do that in a different way." I've always liked "Phantom of the Opera," but for a long time in my life, before I really figured out how to count, I didn't quite understand how to play the intro. Not tonally, but I didn't get how to count in the intro. That was such a thing that one day when I suddenly figured it out, I thought, "Damn, I want to play this song someday." You miss it because on the album, you don't hear how great the intro is.

Is it you playing?

Yes, although Fredrik "Kulle" Åkesson (Opeth) is also playing. But I recorded all the demos, I play bass on the record, and I recorded all the guitars first.

Did Kulle do all the guitar solos on the EP?

Well, mostly, with one exception.

It's a very shreddy EP with a lot of flashy guitar solos.

Yes, exactly, there are quite a lot of guitar solos. Generally, this is how it works when we work: I compose the solos. When I write solos, it's not just a bunch of bends, but it's a melody. I'm very influenced by Kirk Hammett, especially how he played on "Ride the Lightning," "Master of Puppets," "...And Justice for All," and even on the black album. Every time he plays solos, they are melodies. He comes into the song and more or less plays another song within the song, and it's very hummable. It's not incredibly difficult stuff, and that's roughly my school of soloism. I like to compose the solos so that they turn out the way I want, but I myself am not a great shredder. There are a lot of tricks in the studio where I sit and play something over and over again, and then you can cut it in. And then you can slow down the speed, and then I can record it and make it perfect. But the result is that when I say, "It should go like this," Kulle listens to it and says, "Yeah, I can do that part a bit differently. Then I can do it this way to make it even faster." He plays solos from start to finish with his highly trained fingers. He has that whole thing in his DNA, while I'm more of a songwriter and composer.

But you play a solo on the EP, right?

I don't know if we kept it. I don't fucking know because we changed a lot of things.

Because you said that Kulle plays all the solos except one.

It could be a thing, but I don't remember if we changed it or not. But if we take "Phantom of the Opera," there are quite a few different guitar parts in it, purely guitar-wise. It's that fairly standardized Iron Maiden thing where there are two lead guitars playing melodies together. That's one thing, and then there was a slightly bluesy solo at a place where I added some storming Rachmaninoff piano that's absolutely not in the original. I thought it should be a bit of a stormy sea, and then there's a part with two guitars playing the same thing simultaneously, and then a solo duel starts. On the original album, it's Dave Murray and Dennis Stratton playing, and their solo duel is just okay. I don't think it's that great. Sorry, Iron Maiden fans, but in terms of solos, Iron Maiden really got good the day Adrian Smith joined. Adrian Smith is the one playing all the cool solos. I'm really sorry, Dave Murray, but that's just how it is! I know what Kulle has to go through because as a soloist, it's quite tough to constantly be told what to play, and then he has to do tricks and improve things. So, I said, "In this solo duel, you can pretty much play whatever you want from here to there, but I don't want you to challenge me because it will be a bad match. It'll be Carl Hamilton against Woody Allen, and that's not fun. We'll bring in Lasse Johansson from Candlemass." I love Candlemass, I love Lasse's guitar playing, and I know that Kulle loves Lasse. I just sat there, and they got to do their things, and you can hear that it's a bit more improvised. It's more Kulle when he gets to play his stuff, and it's nice.

I want to highlight a cover that turned out great on the EP: Tina Turner's "We Don't Need Another Hero." It feels quite suitable to cover because At The Movies also did a fantastic version of it with Ronnie Atkins on vocals.

Actually, I haven't heard it at all. I must have missed it.

Ghosts' version turned out really well, but isn't it too obvious to cover a big song, so to speak?

I would be a bit opportunistic and say this: it probably depends on how it lands. We stuck our necks out the day we were going to play "Enter Sandman" at our concert. It was one thing on TV because that's what it was (at the TV4-broadcasted "Polar Music Prize" in 2018), but you know that this is like playing "Smoke on the Water," "I Wanna Rock," or "Ace of Spades." It's one of those songs that is too well-known in a way. It can feel pancake-like, but it went well, and I feel that "We Don't Need Another Hero" could also become such a song, provided that the audience likes it. But it's not a song that you want to take up five minutes of the concert if it's not super fun.

And how do you know if the audience likes it?

The easiest way is to test it live. But you'll notice when the album comes out. If everyone mentions all the other songs and not that one, then maybe not many people are interested. Also, we usually do this sometimes during rehearsals: "We rehearse it and see how it sounds. How does it feel? How does it feel to play? Does it stick? Do we play it nicely? Does it work live?" I believe that if we fast forward to a huge presumed Ullevi [stadium] in the future, it's a fantastically cool song to play.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Three

Literally saw the orange sweater and my heart sank. Here we go.

George's hair!! I hate him.

Also literally WHY does he have to lend them his own personal recording equipment? It really is ridiculous how bad the record company treated them considering they were the fucking BEATLES.

Magic Alex! Honestly though why is half of me like "Yes! Scamming king! Take their money and RUN!"

"My Imagination" is physical cringe level.

"The rhythms in the guitars anyway." It's a callback to their earliest days when they had to say that to hustle, but I think part of them really did believe that back then, and part of Paul still does. That the four of them are all they need.

And then in response to that callback to early days to convey current not-articulable feelings, John responds with one of his own. His mini rant about how stupid it is to use three mikes and never come together and sing as a GROUP. It's like he can't bear the thought.

Paul singing his guitar and drum ideas. Apparently my sexuality is women and unhinged men. There's nothing to be done about it. Poor George literally can't get a word between all Paul's "Downownownowneernernerner" and "chuchuchutah ba Ta. Ba." And if I was a good person I'd be annoyed. But no. It's too hot.

"Corny's alright on this one though because what he's doing's corny." Be fucking nice to him. He needs you to be like you were on 909 about every single thing he does because he cares so much what you think. Of course they don't talk about that kind of thing so Paul has no idea. But look at his face!

I also like "the same old shit," George. "Don't Let Me Down" is so fucking sexy idgaf what anyone says.

But here's the other thing is that John is SO down for all of these wrong suggestions Paul's making. If they're not literally saying the same thing at the same time, it's instantly "Yes. Exactly. Yeah."

So John says "alright girls" and sounds like he's just so above Paul and George squabbling and bickering and couldn't care less except for the fact that they're annoying him. Because that's his macho front, right? But then look at his face while they're fighting, eyes darting and full of love, sorrow, and what honestly looks like fear.

Ringo stays the hell out of all of it. Good for him.

Shortly after Paul says "I can't frickin do it on camera either" John starts strumming. And soon George joins, while Paul's pacing and gesturing. And at first I was confused like "they're not being very good listeners that's not very nice" but they're trying to cover up the dialogue for Paul's sake. Trying to take away the cameras if he can't do it with them. "Forget about candy camera." It's very loving, very protective, especially from George. John, we expect this kind of thing from, when it comes to Paul. But George is literally in a fight with him and protecting him at the same time and I find it to be so beautiful.

Gosh, there's so much in this little rant though. "I always feel as though I'm tryna put you down and stop you playing *voice cracks and goes higher* but I'm not." How he looks at John when he says "and I never get any support or anything" and the "and you know it's right." I usually find the 'Paul's the mom, John's the dad' analogy reductive, but boy is it perfect here.

But really, Paul, you've got to just let George do his thing. "I can only do me, you know." George is absolutely right in this argument. He's actually very emotionally mature for being the youngest.

Ugh it's hard to leave them on this note. But I'll pick back up tomorrow

[laurolive]

And They Said It Wouldn’t Work

Came across this lovely photo of Linda on the cover of the April 30, 1977, issue of the U.K. weekly Woman. Her interview is titled “All you Need is Love, and a Beatle called Paul: Linda McCartney's story” by Bonnie Estridge (p. 28).

That’s all the info I have since the story is not reproduced anywhere online that I can see (though it’s obtainable from other sources).

______________________________________

Turning my attention to the cover text, when “they” said the marriage wouldn’t work, “they” were not without just cause, IMO. Circumstances pointed to a relationship destined for failure.

______________________________________

McCartney juggled multiple girlfriends simultaneously and had never practiced commitment in his adult life. Linda counted among her lovers many of the rock musicians she photographed. McCartney pursued and slept with Linda (among others) while engaged to someone else (Jane Asher).

So here we have a courtship, begun in deceit and sneaking around, between two people who still appeared to be enjoying the free love era. “If he’ll cheat WITH you, he’ll cheat ON you” goes the adage. The guy couldn’t even stay faithful to his fiancée. Is this the behaviour of a future responsible family man?

Beatles biographer Hunter Davies didn’t think the marriage would last [link]. John Lennon gave it two years [link]. The civil wedding seemed to be arranged in a rush with a bride who was three months’ pregnant. The night before the big day, the couple had such a huge argument they nearly canceled the ceremony [link]. No wonder the marriage was given such poor prospects.

______________________________________

Yet it became rock music’s most famous love affair and its most enduring monogamous union. HOW? For one, it goes to show that it’s easy to make predictions based on superficial knowledge.

Observers saw a womanizing Beatle rock star who would never settle down with one woman. It turns out McCartney had deeper layers than met the eye, and they meshed with Linda’s. We just didn’t know his REAL values in life until he talked about them.

______________________________________

Some men are womanizers and stay womanizers. That’s who they are deep down inside. Monogamy has no appeal.

Some men are womanizers when young. It’s an experience to try, not a routine to live by. I think Paul falls into this category. Deep inside, he was a family man. Going by his interviews, where he often speaks tenderly of Linda and rhapsodizes about fatherhood, one can sense that he believed in romantic love. He wanted a soulmate; he wanted children. He matured, and his ingrained values came to the forefront.

He didn’t become husband material right off the bat. It was a process, probably a difficult one given his status. When he played the field in the later 60s, perhaps it was not totally to have fun, but also to seek out girlfriends with whom he had a real connection. These he called his “serious relationships” [link]. Some of those girlfriends claimed he wanted to marry them [link1, link2]; yet even when he did get engaged, he seemed to be unsure and still searching. (I guess he didn’t consider it cheating if he wasn’t married.) Recalling those days for the 2001 documentary Wingspan, McCartney tells his interviewer (who is also his daughter Mary) that it was time to get serious; and he especially felt that way with her mother. He didn’t want to remain a bachelor playboy all his life.

______________________________________

And so he got serious. Once he committed, he was husband and father all the way.

“I had my wild life,” he declared in a 1974 interview [New York News magazine: Just an Old-Fashioned Beatle, April 7, 1974]. “But I told Linda everything about that and all the rest. I have no secrets from Linda. I had my time, in my time. But I am much happier now. This new life [with wife and children] means more to me.”

______________________________________

He expressed similar sentiments in other interviews over the years, such as TV interview with Barbara Howar, Aug. 23, 1986 and The Guardian: After Linda by Simon Hattenstone, Sept. 11, 2000, just to name two.

……………….

[desire-mona]

dps boys (and keating's) favourite songs (aka me projecting because i love music) (also modern au because you cannot limit me to music before 1960 you just cant)

i made a playlist of all these songs in case you wanna give em a listen, you can find it here. if you totally disagree with me or wanna add more then absolutely let me know!

neil: talia - ride the cyclone (the musical)

yes i KNOW it's obvious to choose a song from a musical BUT. ride the cyclone is special, i think he'd really like the lack of an ensemble and enjoy the dark premise despite the comedic nature of a vast majority of the show. also i totally think his favourite performance would be by gus halper bc of the use of the projector. mischa or noel is definitely a dream role of his.

todd: vincent - james blake ('s cover, og by don mclean)

don mcleans lyricism is like catnip to poets and it has gone unacknowledged for far too long. a lyrically gorgeous, vaguely queer sounding song about a tortured artist, covered by someone with an ANGELIC voice. can you name anything more todd? not to mention the piano is so far beyond moving, nothing short of a masterpiece.

charlie: dear prudence - siouxsie and the banshees (again - a cover, og by the beatles)

firm believer that charlie was an avid beatles hater for a WHILE until eleanor rigby grew on him, much to his dismay. is now a casual beatles enjoyer, only due to the fact that their vocals annoy him. so a cover by siouxsie sioux (whom he most definitely has a crush on) is basically a blessing in disguise. loves the instrumentals, loves the vocals, loves all of it. insists that its better than the original and will ultimately die (correct) on that hill.

meeks: love on the line (call now) - her's

as much as i love and adore meeks, i have been loyal to my headcanon that he is an annoying music snob since day one. of course, this culminates in his favourite song being by THE indie pop/rock band that pretentious people love to bring up the death of. he is no exception, any time the band is mentioned he will without fail go "did you know that they died in a car crash?" either way, id be lying if i said this was a bad pick. the upbeat vibe mixed with the actual meaning of the song being about a guy wasting all his money on a sex hotline? it makes the whole song so fun, and thats right up his alley! super danceable too, which plays a huge part.

pitts: bad fruit - jean dawson

will mona ever shut up about jean dawson? signs point to no. anywho, if you've followed along with my pittsie musings then you KNOW that i consider pitts to be the most well versed music guy to ever step on welton academy campus. realistically, im sure his favourite song changes on a day to day basis, but he always comes back to this. jean dawson makes art that ive seen few do similarly, everything he brings to the table i find so incredibly unique and well crafted. definitely pitts' biggest music crush.

cameron: '39 - queen

absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, an extremely guilty pleasure. i take his parents as the type to ban queen in their household (for reasons that im sure youre able to pick up on) but i ALSO take cameron as a sucker for classic rock, match made in hell. of course, since brian may does the vocals on this song instead of freddie, he can listen on the dl and be fine. also, the concept of time travel in music is SO!!! INTERESTING!! would absolutely go on a 10 minute long tangent about the story and meaning of the song, which only mittsie would actually listen to.

knox: lavender buds - MF DOOM

fine, FINE. i'll give knox a proper headcanon, but i wont be happy about it. i think i would listen to MF DOOM a lot more if i was a former bully, but thats not actually based off anything so dont take that as an insult, avid listeners. honestly i dont really have an in depth explanation for this one, just look at the lyrics and youll understand.

(this repeats 3 times)

i also take him to be a big r&b/ blues enjoyer, also based off nothing at all, so the sample probably appeals to some sense of nostalgia.

keating: clair de lune - claude debussy

yes, even modern keating's fav song would be classical, you can rip that from my cold, dead hands. this song was based off the poem by the same title by paul verlaine, which i'll include because it is just so damn beautiful.

Your soul is a select landscape

Where charming masqueraders and bergamaskers go

Playing the lute and dancing and almost

Sad beneath their fantastic disguises.

All sing in a minor key

Of victorious love and the opportune life,

They do not seem to believe in their happiness

And their song mingles with the moonlight,

With the still moonlight, sad and beautiful,

That sets the birds dreaming in the trees

And the fountains sobbing in ecstasy,

The tall slender fountains among marble statues.

Paul Verlaine, 1869 (originally written in french, so this is a rough english translation)

now the song itself does SUCH a good job at capturing the beauty and moving parts of this poem, and it fits perfectly with a plethora of different emotions. i know without a shadow of a doubt that its his kryptonite. is that me projecting because i love this song and i love keating? absolutely, but i still think its true either way.

[harrisonarchive]

Photo by María Moreno.

In 1987, George was interviewed by El País; here's a translation of that interview (to the best of my school-level Spanish).

George Harrison On Cloud Nine

George Harrison recently released his first album since 1982, when he disappeared from music to work on movies and live his life in peace. In making Cloud Nine he called on his friends Eric Clapton, Elton John and Ringo Starr- Many of the songs are similar to those of the early Beatle years, but Harrison scoffs at rumors about the group reuniting.

Cloud Nine sounds so much like the Beatles that it ends up being a tribute to the band’s early music. One of the songs on this new LP, When We Was Fab, refers to that epoch in which ‚we were fabulous‘ and ‚we were doing everything.‘ The song, which recalls Beatles melodies such as Strawberry Fields Forever and I Am The Walrus, suggests the style of John Lennon. At times it sounds as the late rhythm guitarist himself is singing.

El País: Cloud Nine contains songs and harmonies that recall the early Beatles. Is that what you intended?

George Harrison: Yes. It sounds like the Beatles because of the 12-string guitar. This is the kind of guitar we used on the first Beatles records. The electric guitar I have on the album cover is the one I used when the Beatles were not famous, when we were playing in Hamburg (West Germany). I have recovered it and use it in several songs. In contrast to the heavy music of this generation I had the idea of making a contemporary record that permits young people to know what was happening at the end of the 60s. Some of the songs are similar to those of the Beatles in the late 60s. I did it intentionally. I didn’t want to bend to the pleasure of the record companies or the industry. I don’t want to be untrue to myself. I like this album… It is so old it seems new.

EP: Listening to Cloud Nine, one gets the feeling that you were comfortable and happy during the recording.

GH: I was because I was with Eric Clapton, Elton John, Ringo Starr and other friends I have known for years and with whom I get along well. Elton John asked to be part of the record when he found out I was going to make it. He is one of the great musicians of rock 'n' roll. And Ringo? Well, what can I say? We have lived and performed together for a long time. We are alike in the way we regard music.

EP: You invited old friends to the recording, but did you invite Paul McCartney?

GH: No. I didn't invite Paul.

EP: You recently said that it is good to grow old, that it is time to mature with dignity.

GH: Yes. After running around so much when you're young, you need tranquility. When we were the Beatles we lived in permanent turbulence, we were crazy. We met mountains of people and went to many countries but we didn't get to know anything well because we never had a moment of peace. Therefore, for the past few years I have been trying to find out what is happening. It would be rare if it was only happening to me, but we are all growing old together. Ringo and Eric Clapton are growing old with me and that makes it easier. I have always considered them friends, but after the craziness of our youth you rediscover them and they become your best friends. Another thing that compels me to mature is my son, Dhani. I try to devote time to him and be a good father.

EP: At one time you influenced the Beatles to look for an introspective path that derived from Oriental mysticism and transcendental meditation. What remains today of this stage in your career?

GH: It is something I still carry inside but I don't talk about as much. On the new record there are no songs that advocate this way of life as there were on other records.

EP: “My sweet Lord, I really want to see you, I really want to be with you …" Do you still believe in a Sweet Lord?

GH: Oh, yes. Absolutely.

EP: If you were to write the song today, would you keep the same lyric?

GH: I would keep the same lyric. I believe that the lyric is true. I would change a few notes in the melody. (Laughter. In 1976, a U.S. judge sentenced Harrison to pay a fine after determining that My Sweet Lord, which was on the 1970 album All Things Must Pass, was an unintentional plagiarism of another melody.)

EP: The Beatles are said to have taken drugs -- especially marijuana and LSD -- from 1965 to 1967. This comes across in the album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, recorded in 1966. You began transcendental meditation the same year. Did this help you give up drugs?

GH: I think so. The discovery of LSD was something we could not avoid because, in the case of John and me, someone put LSD in our coffee without our knowing it. After having had an LSD experience you do not want to go back to the way you were, you lose the notion of ego and you change because you see things you didn't perceive before. Even if I had not taken LSD it would not have been long before I began spiritual activities. After LSD, I became aware of God. But like with alcohol or other drugs you go crazy if you consume too much.

EP: You have not given up tobacco. Are you still a vegetarian and ecologist?

GH: Ecologist, yes, but now I eat fish and chicken. I did not eat meat from 1966 to 1979. During those years I was undernourished because I didn't know what to eat to replace the protein. In 1979, I began to follow the Formula One auto races and I was in Madrid or other capitals and it was difficult to eat in restaurants and hotels. If you don't go to Indian restaurants, where you can eat lentils and greens, you cannot stay on a vegetarian diet. So I began eating fish and chicken.

EP: The press has presented you in the past as a lonely man, shy and frightened after the assassination of John Lennon in December 1980.

GH: That's what the gossipers say. From time to time I get a flash of John's death. Sometimes it happens when someone I don't know approaches me by surprise. But you can't be afraid. I live a normal life. I don't go to cocktail parties and discos.

EP: How has Lennon's death affected you?

GH: I don't think anyone ought to die this way, at the hands of a madman. John's death has affected me, like it has most people. It's sad that someone can ruin the life of another. And when it's a longtime friend it's like losing a family member, a father or a brother.

EP: Even though you have written popular songs you have not had a hit since 1969. Do you think you were misunderstood and your talent underused in the Beatles epoch?

GH: For sure, because John and Paul dominated the group and had an arrangement for songwriting. Our producer for many years, George Martin, has publicly asked me to forgive him for this. But there is a moment for everything and at this time I was marginal.

EP: I remember reading in Rolling Stone that Lennon once said you were an invisible man between two egomaniacs.

GH: Absolutely.

EP: Is there something to the rumors of a Beatles reunion? There are rumblings that Lennon will be replaced by Elton John.

GH: Every six months or so someone invents a story like that. There is no possibility of the Beatles coming back to life. That era has ended. It is better to leave it like that.

[zagreuses-toast]

My Vimes playlist! I have many thoughts and feelings about him... this was the first Discworld playlist I put together and I started it after reading that dinner party scene in Men at Arms, which is why Your Racist Friend is the first song. some of these songs are ones Vimes himself would hate deeply but the energy or lyrics persuaded me to put them in. If you're interested in the reasoning behind the song choices, I'm putting that under the cut.

Thee Vimes song , just Him:

Get Better by Frank Turner

Being a watchman and The City, always The City:

I Predict a Riot by the Kaiser Cheifs

The Ankh Morpork Night Watch by Louie Zong

London Calling by The Clash

Shes Always a Woman by Billy Joel

All Along The Watch Tower by Jimi Hendrix (a conversation, Vimes gets the cover by Jimi hendrix which is rawer and darker than the original, Vetinari gets the BSG cover)

We Live In a Dump by They Might Be Giants

Sam and Sybil feelings (from vimes's pov mostly):

Synopsis for Latecomers by They Might Be Giants

The night Chicago Died by Paper Lace

Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne

Work Song by Hozier

A Hard Days Night by The Beatles

Waterloo by Abba (for the whole describing sybil in military terms of it all)

I Walk The Line by Johnny Cash

Uptown Girl by Billy Joel

Answer by They Might Be Giants

Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads

Hopeless Bleak Despair by They Might Be Giants

Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen (couldn't help myself sorry)

Next To Me by Imagine Dragons

Never Knew Love by TMBG

Vimes is powered by pure Rage and a drive to be better than he was:

Heel Turn 2 by The Mountain Goats

Believer by Imagine Dragons

Old Pine Box by TMBG

Can't Keep Johnny Down by TMBG

Hand Me My Shovel I'm Going In by Will Wood and The Tapeworms

Lets Get This Over With by TMBG

Demons by Imagine Dragons

Eight by Sleeping at Last

The Body Is A Blade by Japanese Breakfast

Hes also an ex-alchoholic

The Lady and the Tiger by TMBG (thinking of the summoning dark)

My songs know what you did in the dark by Fall Out Boy

Brain Problem Situation by TMBG

I think about Night Watch a normal amount (everyday all day)

Tubthumping cover by TMBG

Bringing Home The Rain by The Builders and The Butchers

Zombie by The Cranberries

At The End Of The Day from Le Mis

All the Little Angels (rise up) by DJ Boogie (fav interpretation of the song)

Prelude/ Angry Young Man by Billy Joel (this is a reg show song but I don't have a reg playlist, it fits Vimes too tho)

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables from Le Mis

the Communists Have the Music by TMBG

Cable Street by The Young'uns

Cap In Hand by the Proclaimers

Nina Cried Power by Hozier

Fortunate Son by Credence Clearwater Revival

You Already Live in Tomorrow by Fauxny

Vimes and Themes/Motifs mainly Dogs and fire (hes an arsonist and I think about this often, We all know the rain/water themes for him but can we talk about FIRE):

Hey Bulldog by The Beatles

The Angriest Dog in the World by The Superman Revenge Squad Band

Burning Pile by Mother Mother

Arsonists Lullaby by Hozier

Burn it Down by Vixy and Tony

You're On Fire by TMBG

Vimes has daddy/fatherhood issues

I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon

Cats in The Cradle by Harry Chapin

this is also why theres intentionally a lot of what I consider Dad music on this playlist, based mostly on my own dad's music tastes

Misc:

Confrontation from Jekyll and Hyde ( because of the whole Summoning Dark thing)

Facade also from Jekyll and Hyde (his reaction to rich people, also for the Boots line)

[moriartyluver]

ARE YOU MINE PROLOGUE

"SHERLOCK GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

The ravenette sat down on decaying, dusty sofa with a sigh.

"Yeah whatever," He rolled his eyes "You guys know this is my place anyways, don't get too cocky, (name)"

"Isn't this your mother's basement?" John asked from across the room.

(Name) chuckled "I'm surprised your brother hasn't forced you out yet."

Sherlock's brother, Mycroft, was about 7 years older than him and currently working for some government office, although Sherlock described him to have a much more important job than his brother would admit. He even saved him as "The Government" on his phone contacts.

"Oh believe me, come autumn, I'll be gone thanks to that idiot," Sherlock muttered angrily

"Anyways," James interrupted "We did pretty good at that last gig. I think we made about two hundred pounds in total, right (nickname)?"

"It was a children's birthday party. We were playing at one of those soft play centres." She said, narrowing her eyes

"What's wrong with that?" John questioned, his hands wrapped around a couple of drumsticks.

(Name) turned to face him with a glare. "Don't you get it? We have a serious issue with our band image, you dumbfucks."

"Hey no swearing! My mum's up there!" Sherlock warned "And for your information, we are not changing the name!"

"How are we calling our band 'The Baker Street Boys' if our lead singer and guitarist is a girl? It's stupid!" Scoffing, (Name) stood up. "See? When I started this band, I wanted to do something, y'know? Follow my passions, be a little rebellious and make a name for myself, for us!" She said, picking up her brown electric guitar "Instead, we're playing for little kids and using cheap ass instruments like some third rate garage band! Our other guitarist is a mummy's boy who tells people off for swearing, our drummer doesn't even like rock music and would much rather listen to some Frank Sinatra or The Beatles than literally any rock band or something with a little flavour for once, and our bassist doesn't even play the bass! Not to mention the shitty name!"

"The Beatles isn't that bad..." The drummer muttered to himself.

"Oh shut it John." (Name) snapped "My point is, that we don't act like a real rock band! We're just some losers who play instruments and have no purpose in the music industry! I mean, have any of you been on tiktok recently? It's full of wannabe popstars making shitty music and trying to sound like every other artist. I don't want to be following every other quote unquote artist who just makes songs that even rival Dixie Damelio in lack of creativity!"

"She has a point." James agreed with a nod

Her scowl shifted to a determined smile "I have a few ideas on how we can up our game a little and actually be influential, like The Sex Pistols-"

"Yeah but they kind of fell apart pretty quick." Sherlock pointed out "Their singer couldn't sing, their bassist probably killed himself and their guitarist was illiterate."

"And they still made better songs than whatever bullshit you've been cooking up, Sherly." (Name) argued back, pulling out a little notepad from a pocket in her red leather jacket. "Anyways, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I have a few ideas so we can actually make a name for ourselves. First of all, John, stop dressing like a grandpa and put on some eyeliner or something. Same goes for you two," She said, looking at James who was sat cross-legged on the floor, and Sherlock in the sofa. "Sherlock, you dress like a roadman and that's when your mother isn't dressing you. Stop letting her buy you hideous clothes. James, your outfits put Harry Styles to shame. Get rid of those damn shoes."

"But my shoes make me look taller..!" James frowned

"Stop being a whiny bitch." (Name) glared "Second off, we need to start writing out own songs. I've mostly got that covered but I'd like a bit of input every now and then." She turned a page "Number three.." She trailed off "Right, we need to start expanding ourselves a little more. I know we're all loser introverts but if we socialise, we make connections. If we make connections, we can get gigs at proper places and possibly get better venues. I might look into getting a social media manager but I'll just open a tiktok account for the band when I get home, an instagram would work too."

"I thought we didn't want to be tiktok artists?" Sherlock asked with a raised brow

(Name) shook her head "That's different, Sherly. It's just free promo, super easy. It's not like we're singing 'ABCDEFU' or something. I'll just record band rehearsals or announce gigs and stuff. We can probably get at least a few thousand followers. I'll make a spotify too while I'm at it." She took her guitar bag, slinging it over her shoulder. "Alright, band meeting's done for now. I'm gonna go back home before my parent's start wondering where I am. Thankfully, it's not that late though.." She looked at her watch. It was only 3:35pm. She'd come home later before and now that it was summer, it wasn't getting dark as fast. She turned on her heel, walking towards the basement door "Bye!"

Upon returning home, (Name) had noticed it was quiet. Too quiet. She shrugged it off though, returning to her bedroom to hide her guitar under her bed or something, but when she had swung the door open, she heard some whispering, and found her parents stood in her room, all her hidden albums and vinyl's and other music stuff scattered around her now mess of a room.

"What the hell..?" She murmured, stepping over the Arctic Monkeys CDs on her bedroom floor, dumping her cheap guitar on the ground

"Care to explain all this, young lady?" Her father asked, holding up a vinyl in his hand. His voice had an angry undertone which made (Name) chuckle nervously.

"Why are you looking through my room?" She asked, thinking of excuses to defend herself

"That's not your business." Her mother chimed in "Since when did you have all.. this? What else have you been doing?"

(Name) swallowed, approaching her parents in an attempt to take back her record player from beside her father. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" Her father clenched his teeth, pointing to her guitar on the floor "Don't tell me you're some sort of musician now! What else have you been hiding?"

"Oh nothing," (Name) said sarcastically "Just some heavy drugs, obviously. Now leave me alone!"

"Can't we at least talk about this? What about university? You know you can't make a living out of this!" (Mother's name) exclaimed, pain evident in her voice

"Can we skip to the arguing now if you aren't gonna leave? It's just a hobby I swear, and besides, being in a band's the only thing I like anyways!" She yelled, gathering a bunch of albums in her arms

"You're in a band? A rock band? With who?!"

"None of your bloody business." She stated coldly "Can't you just leave? This is so counterproductive!"

"The only thing counterproductive is this little fantasy of yours, (Name)." Her father opened up an album, inspecting it as if it was something illegal "You're smart. I don't see why you're wasting your time like this! And with rock music of all things!"

"It's not just rock." (Name) muttered "There's some Lana Del Rey mixed up somewhere here too.."

Her father opened his mouth to speak as he stepped back, but before he could utter another word, a harsh crack could be heard echoing throughout (Name)'s bedroom.

"What was that..?" (Name) whispered, then her mouth flew open in realisation as she looked down at her father's foot "Dad! You have got to be shitting me!"

Her father himself was surprised, but instead of admitting his mistake, he tried to make it seem as though it was intentional, a way of teaching his daughter a lesson. "Y-Yeah.. well that's what you deserve for lying to your parents!"

He had stepped on her guitar, breaking it fairly easily. She had known it was cheap and terrible quality, but the guitar did it's job ad that's all that really mattered, but now it was broken. How could she be a guitarist if she didn't have a guitar anymore?

"(Name)-"

Her parents tried to call out to her, but she was gone. (Name) walked out the room, grabbing her bag and jacket before slamming the door, tears welling in her eyes.

It had been half an hour since she left the band meeting, so reasonably, there was the possibility that the others were still at Sherlock's place, considering they didn't have parents restricting what hobbies they could and could not have. She ran to Sherlock's house, which was only a few minutes away, knocking on the door and wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"(Name)? You're back?" Sherlock said, answering the door

Another voice, with an American accent, followed. "(Name)'s back?"

She smiled as the rest of the band crowded at the door. "Yeah, change of plan. We're going to town now, I need to pick something up from Q's"

"I thought you said Q's cost too much?" James asked curiously

For those of you unfamiliar with British shopping culture, in city areas, there's usually a big shopping centre in the middle, a bit like a mega mall but alot more scattered. Most just refer to it as a 'city centre' or more simply 'town' even though it doesn't make much sense. The streets are busy, with the occasional musician playing a guitar or something and the smell of cigarette smoke is everywhere. These shopping centres are quiet useful, especially in big cities like London, because you can find pretty much everything, everywhere.

Q was a music shop in 'town', run by a German bloke called "Von Herder", but naturally, it was quite expensive, especially because of how good the instruments sold there was, and as an unemployed teenage girl (that's debatable considering she's 18), (Name) couldn't afford to buy a certain guitar she had been dying to buy since she had seen it months ago, hence the surprise of James.

"I'll negotiate my way to a lower price, I'm sure it'll be fine." (Name) smiled, althought she doubted she could.

Sherlock shook his head "No you're not. We have that money from the gig, I think two hundred quid should be enough, after all, you broke your last guitar. I think you deserve it." He offered as they all walked towards the bus stop

"Oh no, really," (Name) waved her hands in protest "It's fine. We said we were gonna split the money equally anyways. I don't want you guys missing out on money too!"

"Yeah well, we only got all that money because of your skills." Sherlock argued back "If you don't have a guitar, we can't make more money and The Baker Street Boys are done for without our lead guitarist."

"Fine," (Name) sighed, before pausing in her tracks "Wait how the hell did you know I broke my guitar?!"

Sherlock had been known for being good at reading people and his deductions were almost always spot on, so (Name) shouldn't have been so surprised

He put a finger to his chin, faux thoughtfully "Hmm... let's see." He mocked "You come to my house again after leaving half an hour prior, and you looked like you were trying not to cry, but your sleeve was stained. Not to mention, most obviously, you want us to come with you to town to buy a guitar?"

Rolling her eyes, (Name) hit Sherlock's shoulder as they, along with John and James, boarded a red bus "Yeah yeah whatever, maybe was a bit obvious."

After about an hour of looking for Q's amongst crowds of people, (Name) eventually found it, although by now, she had spilt up from her fellow bandmates because James had pushed Sherlock into a Victoria's Secret lingerie display and (Name) had ran off, pretending not to know them.

She walked into the store, a nirvana song blasting in her headphones. She looked around for the guitar, browsing around as she attempted to decide which colour she wanted. She picked up a dark red guitar, and it had felt as thought it was meant to be. In fact, she could hear a harmonious piano melody playing in her head.

Wait.

The sound of those piano keys was actually not in her head, but was coming from a grand piano on the other end of the store..?

Taking off her headphones, (Name) looked in the direction of the music. It was Tchaikovsky's Swan lake and whoever was playing it didn't even miss a note. It was, in a sense, perfect. Even (Name) couldn't play guitar that good. Surely, whoever was playing must have been a professional piano player.

At the piano however, she something even more beautiful than the music the stranger was playing. A young man with (very soft looking) blond hair and unique red eyes, concentrating on the keys as his fingers moved in sync to the melody. He looked like he was written by Lana Del Rey, which was rare.

(Name) smiled, walking towards to stranger in an attempt to make some small talk, seeing as Von Herder seemed to be busy behind the counter.

"Wow, you're really good.." she muttered in awe

The stranger perked his head up with a polite smile, almost radiant. "Thank you."

His voice matched his appearance and piano skills, just as elegant as he was. Clearly, he was raised in a wealthy family somewhere in London, probably one of the rich areas like Kensington or Chelsea.

"No, I'm serious. Tchaikovsky is rolling in his grave out of jealousy right now." She said, somewhat nervous "Like if he came back to life and saw you out doing him with his own song, he'd kill himself and die again because of how jealous he’d be, that's how good you are."

The stranger's smile widened in amusement and she could've swore she heard him laugh a little. "That's certainly an interesting way to put it. Do you play any instruments, too, by any chance?"

"Well obviously, if I'm in an instrument shop, I'd hope so." (Name) nodded, gesturing to the piano. "I'm a bit of all rounder. I can do piano, drums and base, but I'm more of a guitarist myself."

"That really is extraordinary.." He complimented "I myself can only really play the piano. I've played a bit of violin too but it wasn't to my taste, honestly speaking."

"You still play really good though. Are you a professional or something?" She asked curiously

The blond shook his head, still smiling "It's just a hobby of mine. I'm more suited to mathematics but I admire the beauty of the piano..the intricate mechanisms..the sounds it's makes..it's an art, if you will."

"Yeah, I get that. It invokes emotion in people, I mean most social movements and revolutions were influenced heavily by music, like anarchism and stuff." She trailed off, then spotted Von Herder back at the counter "I..uh..play in a band. It's not very good but I want to make changes like that too..y'know?"

Surprisingly, he nodded understandingly. "I'm sure you're band is much better than you give it credit for. Do you have a name yet? Perhaps I could-"

"Oh lord, not you again..!" A German voice exclaimed upon spotting (name) "What did I tell you, girl? I'm not trading you the guitar in exchange for an autograph!"

(Name) groaned "That was James idea, not mine, Herder!" She turned to the stranger who had been cut off "We're called The Baker Street boys but Sherly — he's the other guitarist — and I keep arguing about it because I think it's stupid that we're called the Baker Street boys when I'm clearly not a boy, so every time anyone asks, I just say we're called the coke whores even though I don’t do coke and I don’t think anyone in the band does, actually maybe Sherly does I don’t know. I told you the actual name though so that was kind of stupid."

"I see..That's a...lovely...name." The blond smiled, although (name) could tell he was a little taken aback by h the abundance of information. He looked over to the counter. “Are you familiar with Mr Von Herder?"

(Name) nodded, picking up the guitar she intended on buying "Yeah, the band and I come by here sometimes to look at the instruments. James, my friend, bought a bass here last week, but I think he's sick of us by now. Speaking of, I should probably buy this before he accuses me of an attempted robbery." She walked towards the counter slowly, waving at the blond

"Nice talking to you, stranger!"

A/N: omg first chapter. I only started working on this fic yesterday but the ideas been marinating in my brain for a while icl. At least a few months. Anyways maybe that stranger will get another appearance who knows 👀

[midchelle]

how would you rank the beatles album covers?

like this:

13) "By the way, what happened to my idea of putting the parody of our first album cover on the Let It Be cover?” - John Lennon, 1971

Just uninspired. Good for coming up with conspiracy theories about the death of Paul McCartney but not much else.

12) Eyes Still Work After Seeing This? Includes a 24-Page Full Colour Picture Book!

Every time I look at this I find another bizarre thing, but that's not even the real issue because it fails on the basic level where you can figure out what the product is and who made it. The red tinting on the highlight behind the font they used to list the songs makes it hard to read, and BEATLES blends into the background so well you might not even realise it's there. Did they use the circle to design this cover? PAUL?

11) A Covers Band So Good, Sometimes We Even Let Them Sing Their Own Songs!

It might be because of the asymmetrical Beatle heads. It might be because they got beaten to the edge-to-edge cover punch by The Rolling Stones. It might be because it makes me think of the uncanny Mr Incredible meme.

10) POV: You Are Falling To Your Death

I actually like this picture quite a lot but it upsets me... why couldn't they just typeset it so the railings and the writing were going in the same direction...

9) Damn Bro You Got The Whole Squad Laughing

In many ways, she is who With The Beatles wishes she was, but I can't rank it any higher because it's literally just a picture of them. Look, they've had a rough year.

8) Paul is Dead Evidence 2: Electric Boogaloo

The art is nice, but it does just seem like a retread of the Revolver cover. Bit unexciting.

7)

Part of me wishes they'd gone the whole Yeezus route and packaged it in a clear plastic sleeve with THE BEATLES embossed on it, but the blank white is also pretty evocative. There's a whole chapter in Moby Dick about how terrifying the colour white is.

6)  The Beatles, N-U-J-V!

It makes me think of Weezer's Blue Album and that's why it's good.

5) The Beatles Demonstrate The Many Ways To Have A Face

Not many people know this but the middle picture in the George row was actually used as the Tumblr default icon way back in the day.

4) This Strain is Called “Rubber Soul” 😳 You’ll Be Zonked Out Of Your Gourd 💯

'When first I saw your latest LP sleeve My eyes, dear Beatles, I could scarce believe There's nobody, I feel, could like it much Except, perhaps, the vampire-minded Sutch. I tried to Work It Out, but I could not, Why such a very photogenic lot Should want to see yourselves portrayed as freaks;'

- Annabel Lee

3) Honey, They're Crossing The Road Again

Deserves the dub for the sheer achievement of taking a picture of four people in motion where they all look good.

2)

Before you get mad at Klaus for dissing Paul McCartney, remember that he a) made the Revolver cover and b) was really hot. So he can basically do whatever he wants.

1) Paul Is Dead Evidence 3: Faul's Revenge

I still don't know what that creature in the chair is supposed to be.

[thebeatles-world]

Picture Perfect: Part 3

Here is Part 3 of The Picture Perfect series, I hope y'all enjoy!

@starswill-fall I hope you enjoy! You are my biggest fan! I can't wait for your reaction for this series!

You couldn't believe that you had both Elvis and Ringo madly in love with you. Elvis was one of the biggest rock stars in the world but Ringo and The Beatles were slowly taking Elvis's title away.

You fell in love with Elvis's charming personality and his amazing smile at just 18 years old.

But things happened. You and Elvis didn't really get along as the years went by when you two dated. It was more of a toxic relationship through the six years you two were together.

You were being kinda desperate to make it work. But at the end, you and Elvis ended up breaking up with each other.

For goodness sake, Elvis accused you of cheating on him with Ringo just because you and Ringo had an innocent and friendly talk with each other at the awards show one time.

But Elvis ended up cheating on you way before that... which you forgave him for cheating on you but some nights you went to bed thinking if you were good enough for him...

But you didn't have to worry about that anymore. You had Ringo now.

Anyways, you sat on the couch and tried to get your mind off of Elvis. It didn't help that his new wife Grace was on the telly or her face was on every cover of the newspaper.

Grace said that when her and Elvis broke up for a short time, she was practically ex-communicated from the Church they attend. Plus Elvis paid off her dad’s debts and Elvis really helped her get into the spotlight.

You sigh as you turned off the telly. You picked up a magazine that had The Beatles on the cover and you couldn't help but smile when you saw your boyfriend Ringo smiling on the front cover with the rest of his band mates.

You heard the front knob turn and you looked up to see Ringo entering inside.

''Hello my love.'' Ringo said as he greet you with kisses and a warm hug.

''Hey baby, how did the studio go?'' You asked him as you gave him a kiss on the lips.

''It went quite well.'' Ringo chuckled.

''I can't wait for you to hear the new album.'' He added with a smile.

''I can't wait to hear it either.'' You smiled back. '' I know it's going to b great.''

Ringo sat next to you and started to hold you in his arms.

''I really need to get us a pet dog or a pet cat so that way you can have company when I am gone darling.'' Ringo gave you a kiss on the head.

''Oh that would be lovely Ringo. But I really do hate that you have to go on tour.'' You sigh sadly.

''I was honestly going to talk to you about that. I talked to Brian and he said that I am allowed to bring you on tour. How exciting is that my love?'' Ringo said exictedly.

''That is exciting news baby! Oh, I can't wait to travel with you.'' You said happily, leaning your head against Ringo's chest.

''I can't wait either my love, it's going to be such a nice time.'' Ringo ran his fingers softly through your hair.

Your heart being pounding inside your chest as you thought about Elvis coming to yours and Ringo's flat and kissed you.

Were you ready to tell him now?

''Hey Ringo?'' You said, almost in a shaking voice.

''Yes darling?'' He replied, rubbing your bare legs with his hand.

''I have to tell you something..'' You said softly.

You couldn't believe that you had the courage to tell him this.

''What is it love?'' Ringo asked.

You sat up and faced him.

Ringo knew this was serious just by the way you sat up and faced him with a unsmiling look.

''S-So apparently you know Elvis Presley my ex right? Everyone knows Elvis.'' You stammered as you looked at Ringo.

Ringo nodded, waiting for you to go on.

''Well he came to our flat before you even came home from the studio. He pour out his feelings to me and before I even knew...'' You stopped and took a deep breath.

''Ringo.. Elvis kissed me.'' You added, looking quite pale.

You were afarid of what Ringo was going to do or say.

''I'm sorry? Did you say he kissed you?'' Ringo asked in a unpleasant tone, making sure he heard you correctly.

''Yes he did my love, I don't wanna hide this from you or think that I am cheating on you because I would never do that to you Ringo. I love you so much.'' You said in a upsetting tone.

Ringo sat there quietly, not saying anything to you. He didn't even look at you.

''Did you kiss him back?'' He asked after a few minutes of slience between you two.

''No I didn't-'' You begin but Ringo cut you off.

''Y/N why didn't you stop him then? Why didn't you do anything about it?'' Ringo cut you off.

''Because I didn't know what to do! I didn't know he was going to kiss me. Ringo I swear I didn't know he was going to kiss me. I swear on our relationship. What was I supposed to do?'' You exaclamied at him.

Ringo didn't say anything after that. You could tell he looked really upset. You were upset as well. Plus you hated seeing him upset.

''I'm sorry. I can't.'' Ringo started to say and then got up. You saw him heading towards the front door.

''Wait! Ringo where are you going?'' You shouted. Ringo still didn't say anything to you and slammed the front door.

You ran towards the front door and before you could stop him , you saw Ringo getting into his car and driving off.

You felt your heart break into a million pieces just watching him drive off from the driveway.

''Am I going to lose him?'' You said to yourself as tears begin to flow down your cheeks.

You went inside and locked the front door. You headed upstairs to yours and Ringo's room and climbed into the covers on the bed.

You silently cried yourself to sleep with a broken heart...

To be continued...

Leave your comments below and let me know what you think? What do you think is going to happen next?

Below are the links to Part One and Part Two of The Perfect Picture Series:

[wingsoverlagos]

Lewisohn vs. Cynthia Lennon, Pt. 2 of 3

For part 1, click here. This post contains the next five endnotes in Mark Lewisohn's Tune In that reference Cynthia Lennon's A Twist of Lennon (1978). Part 3 will have the last of the Twist citations, as well as a couple of citations that use her autobiography John (2005).

Twist p.51 vs. Tune In 15-45

There’s no direct quote here, and the details in Twist and Tune In mostly match up. Mostly. Lewisohn greatly overstates Cynthia’s mother’s dislike for John, though. As Cyn relates it, her mom was happy to have Cynthia spending more time around the house (she’d been spending little waking time there during her relationship with John), and asserts that her mother was likely hoping things would fizzle out between them. Cyn says her mother “had never been over the moon” and “[hoped] that ‘Out of sight out of mind’ would prove the case.” Contrast that with Lewisohn’s “hoped plainly and simply” that their relationship would end, calls John a “Liverpool lout”, and says that Lil Powell wished “she’d never have to see him or hear about him again.” Rather more emphatic, wouldn’t you say?

It's possible that Cyn downplayed her mother's dislike for John. As a biographer, Lewisohn absolutely should take into account the possible bias of any given source, and it's reasonable to assume that Cyn might show some bias towards her mother, given the end result of her relationship with John. However, it's one thing to suggest the possibility that tensions were higher than Cynthia portrayed, and another thing entirely to definitively state they were without giving a source for this conflicting account.

Twist p.51-54 vs. Tune In 16-27

We’ve got a few problems here. First, Cyn does not mention Dot going along to take photobooth shots with her in Twist (see above) and John (p.55). I believe there’s an anecdote about Cyn and Dot taking pictures of each other at home to send to John and Paul, but the photobooth story only features Cyn.

The next issue: “Quasimodo.” I have to admit I don’t like the way Lewisohn writes about John mocking the disabled. It’s one thing to use the offensive language John would have used at the time (“cripple”) in quotes, or to indicate to the reader that John was using derogatory language, but Lewisohn leans really hard into it. He seems to relish using “cripple” or “cripping” whenever possible. In this instance, Cyn tells us that John sent her pictures of himself as a hunchback. Lewisohn says he did the shots as “Quasimodo.” I’m not sure if the implication is that John was doing a particular character bit, or if “Quasimodo” is a stand-in for any hunchback—is it like calling any tissue a Kleenex?

Lastly, Lewisohn describes John’s correspondence as “steamy letters, full of sex, passion and cripples.” I don’t think this is an incorrect description, but I do think it erases the depth described by Cyn in both of her memoirs. In Twist, Cyn describes how John would write about their terrible living conditions and bum-deal contract. She also said that “John seemed to be changing” (see p.54, above), becoming less destructive as he spent his time creating music. In John (p.56), Cyn says, “He wrote about every aspect of their stay, including those he would never have wanted his family to know about.” By Cyn’s account, she was John’s confidante, an important outlet during a period of trouble, change, and creativity, but Lewisohn hones in on the horniness and the goofy/offensive pictures.

Twist p.78, John p.91 vs. Tune In 30-37

Omission without ellipsis.

Twist p.76-77, It’s Only Love website vs. Tune In 30-39

This particular discrepancy between Tune In and its sources was covered well by @anotherkindofmindpod. If you haven't listened to their Fine Tuning series yet--get on it, brother!--you can hear the relevant portion at ~1:06:09 in Episode 9:

I'll spare you my own analysis--AKOM has said what needs to be said--but I'll share the passages here for those of you who like a visual reference. First, from Twist:

The other source Lewisohn gives is the It's Only Love website. Their page about Dot Rhone can be found here. The color choices at the source can be difficult to read, so I'll copy the relevant passage here:

Then Brain Epstein became the Beatles manager. "He said we couldn't go to the concert's [sic] anymore. We obeyed him. We were very annoyed but we thought, if it helped their careers we would do it... I could see that Paul wa [sic] growing away from me. I knew what was coming. And all these years he had been having his bits on the side and it was getting so easy for him. he [sic] was young and he couldn't resist. That was a time of sadness but also release. I didn't keep trying so hard or worrying about trying to keep up, or saying the right things or not having my hair right or not being enough fun"      The relationship ended in the Summer of 1962 when The Beatles were weeks away from national fame. Dorothy will never forget the night Paul visited her and told her they had to break up. He called unexpectedly at her flat when she was wearing her mother's cami-knickers and a baggy old sweater, with her hair in rollers. "Paul said we'd been going out so long that it was either get married or split up. He said 'I don't want to get married, so even though I love you we'll have to finish.' He didn't cry but I knew he felt badly and he was sorry, just by the way he looked. I burst out crying. I said how can you do this? What am I going to do? I thought he might come back because it had been three years, but I suppose really I knew."

Emphasis mine; those are the passages quoted in Tune In.

Finally, here's Lewisohn's version:

In pink, we have Lewisohn's misrepresentation of Cyn's account of the breakup. Note the wildly different timbre. In green and yellow, we have Dot's account from It's Only Love. At the source, the green text comes after the yellow text, seemingly in response to a different question in the original interview.

A note about Lewisohn’s source: It’s Only Love is a fansite devoted to the Beatles’ wives, girlfriends, and rumored flings. The last update is from November 2007. I don’t have any reason to doubt the information on this page (it’s not like Mark Lewisohn is the webmaster), but it’s not rigorously cited. There’s a partial list of sources on the Dot Rhone page that lists a few books, a “Dorothy Rhone interview October 1997”, and ends with “various Beatles and McCartney biographies.” I have found no indication which quotes on the page come from which source—which is fine. It’s a fansite from the early to mid 2000s. That said, if I was writing a doorstopper of a biography, I would hesitate to use that as a source.

I’ve done some digging to try to find the referenced October 1997 interview but have not had any luck. I’m not the world’s greatest internet sleuth, though, so if anyone is familiar with that interview, please let me know!

Sources:

It's Only Love [Internet]. c2005? Dot Rhone. [cited 2024 Feb 2]. Available from: https://sentstarr.tripod.com/beatgirls/rhone.html

Lennon C. 1978. A Twist of Lennon. New York (NY): Avon Books. 190p.

Lennon C. 2005. 1st American Edition. John. New York (NY): Crown Publishers. 294p.

[okwritingandpain]

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da: The Beatles x Reader

Chapter 25 (The Paul Ending)

"Who first?" Paul asked, tapping the book.

Who did she want to see? There was Ringo, George, and John, but she felt that there was something that she needed to do first. 

"You." She said, rubbing her arms for comfort. She had felt bad for Paul...he had lost many people in his life and she failed not losing herself the first time. Once things were fixed then everything was perfect for him, right? John and her had started something in the past, but she knew Paul had liked her too. Even George, but...she had to make it up to him. 

"Me?" Paul asked, confused. "Why would you want to see me? Haven't you seen me enough?" He gave a small smile as his words faded. He looked as if he was fighting back the urge to say something. Something important that he just couldn't say no matter how much he wanted to. He turned to a blue door that was covered in riding gear and horseshoes. Y/N gripped the scrapbook tightly and walked over to the door he had looked at. Paul frowned and followed her. She opened the door to reveal a mesmerizing sight of the countryside. While it wasn't a large area, it was certainly impressive. Two horses were eating hay in a small stable next to the door. 

"You have to be F****** joking!" She freaked, "You have a whole stable and..." Paul was taken aback by her language. He was not used to her speaking this way. 

"Uh...yeah. It's a hobby and all." He said with a nervous smile. Y/N couldn't believe her eyes and based off of Paul's reaction he couldn't believe her reaction. 

"That's so cool! We can go over your scrapbook pages and ride horses!" She cheered, opening the book as she tried to find Paul's page. 

"Have you ridden horses before?" He asked, nervously. 

"A little when I was younger." She replied as Paul grabbed the book from her. 

"Here we are." He said, handing the book back. The section was called, "On the run with Paul and Y/N" which was a bit cringy in her opinion, but sweet nonetheless. There were pictures of Paul and the band during Beatlemania along with pictures that consisted of Y/N and her apartment. They mostly featured her and the other band members more than Paul...mostly because he was the one taking the pictures. 

"This is amazing." She smiled, looking over what felt like thousands of pictures. Paul chuckled as he walked over to one of the horses and petted its sides.

"That's years of work for you, luv." He said, retrieving a saddle from the stable. "You want to go for a ride?" He motioned to the horse and Y/N's face lit up  with excitement.

"Really?" She asked, closing the book and running over to the stable. She quickly retrieved the saddle and watched Paul put the saddle on his horse. Y/N tried to replicate it best she could. Paul ended up having to help her, but she shrugged it off as she finally got the chance to actually ride the horse. She had the largest smile as she rode on the horse. 

"How is it?" Paul asked, watching her steer the horse. It had been a while and her riding skills were definetly rusty. 

"Wonderful!" She replied with a grin. Paul just smirked as he led the horse over the countryside. Y/N still didn't know how this was possible, but why care? It was cool! Everything was as calming as a cool spring shower. It felt as if the world was at peace just for a moment. Y/N thought about the scrapbook and how she longed for the old days. The days when they all were living normal lives out in Liverpool. Paul hummed to himself as they looked out across the land. "What are you humming?" She asked. 

"Maybe I'm Amazed." He replied. 

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time..." She sang, making Paul cringe.  

"You don't have to sing that, Y/N." He acted embarrassed. 

"Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you. Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time. You hung me on a line..." She sang it softer than Paul did. She thought it fit better for the mood and Paul still looked like he was trying to block out her song. When had he become so embarrassed by singing. Paul's face began to fade as he looked younger again. "Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..." She stopped singing as she didn't want him to suffer more. He sighed. 

"Maybe I'm a man. Maybe I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something..." He added, reluctantly. He couldn't deny the smile spreading on his face though. 

"That he really doesn't understand..." She laughed as his face turned red like a tomato.

"Maybe I'm a man. And maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me. Baby, won't you help me understand?" He sang louder and prouder. His confidence seemed to be building as the Paul Y/N remembered came back. She then let out a chuckle. 

"No." She simply said. Paul looked taken aback for a moment before catching on to what she meant. 

"You're a sly one." He smirked, turning back towards the stables. He looked down at his hands and let out a gasp. "My hands..." He muttered. 

"Yeah, guess who's younger again." She said, nervously. It was still nerve racking to see Paul young again. It was natural, but still very unnatural at the same time. 

"What are we going to do!" He freaked, "This isn't how it's supposed to be! Is the timeline even more messed up!?" Paul began to panich which made his horse start to panic. 

"Paul, calm down." Y/N reassured, noticing the horses discomfort. "Get off the horse--" Paul jumped off the horse. He almost fell, which would have been scary if he was still old. The horse ran back towards the stable and Y/N shook her head with a laugh. "Calm down! Don't worry about that right now. We'll fix it if we need to." 

"If we need to to?" 

"Did I stutter?" She smirked and he shook his head. 

"What am I going to do with you?" 

"What are you amazed?" She held back her laugh as he let out a chuckle. 

"Maybe I am amazed." He replied, motioning for her to follow him back to the stable. 

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time. Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you." She continued singing to herself. Paul kept glancing back at her.

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song. Right me when I'm wrong..." He helped her off the horse and she smiled at him. 

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..." She kissed him on the lips which made his eyes grow large. He let out a chuckle. 

"I didn't quite expect that, luv." He blushed, "Thank you for everything." 

"No, thank you." She hugged him. Paul embraced her and she felt at ease again. Everything had come full circle and it made the experience worth being there. Who knows what more could be in store. Who knows what lies ahead. Either way she was happy to be with Paul and he was happy to be with her. 

[littlenovemberrain]

whats the dirtiest thing you have done in public?

Oh my 🙈

Well, I was on vacation in the Caribbean . I was 19 and had never been with a man yet. I was always too scared… when I boarded the boat that was taking us to the Bahamas :Nassau) I look up while waiting in line and see this beautiful, tall, blue eyed, mesmerizing man staring at me. I remember being shocked at first but then a huge smile taking over my face. He came and found me as soon as I was on board the ship. I was so so soooo nervous that it was hard for me to speak when he first came to me. His absolutely beautiful British accent caught me so off guard, he laughed and told me how cute I was. How my sweet southern belle accent was captivating. I normally don’t believe in love at first sight, but he was way more than an exception. After dinner he asked to take me out to the theatre and then night swimming. The show ended up being a cover band of one of my all time favorites, The Beatles. I thought to myself “how can this get anymore perfect?!” He took my hand and led me to the higher end seats, where all the rich people sit, but after looking around I realized there really wasn’t that many people around us…I believe he reserved the area for himself. “Hey Jude” started playing and I caught him staring at me singing to the song. When I tried to look down in embarrassment, he grabbed my chin and pulled me to look at him in the eyes. He had this ravenous, hungry, hunter look. I could physically feel it in every inch of my body. He kissed me so softly and passionately at first, then quickly became aggressive and had this dire urgency to him. I lost my breath, I felt this unfamiliar desire, longing, to please him. To give myself to him entirely. When he started French kissing me he felt almost every part of my body…when he put his hand on my thigh, he slowly started moving up my thigh. I stopped him right before he got to my princess parts. He knew I was a virgin and hadn’t ever really done anything, but that only turned him on more. He told me how wonderful he would make me feel. How he would make my body sing for him. That it would make me his, that this was fate. I looked up at him, I barely got out the word “okay” because I was so nervous and so needy at the same time. He smiled a devilish grin and his hand resumed where he left off. When he started slowly moving up the last inch or so before he would reach my panties. He teased me by stopping right at them , “Yeah ? That’s mine to play with? To do what I wish?” I nodded my head yes and opened my legs at the same time. He began rubbing my clit and telling me how good I was for already being so wet for him. He instructed me to open my legs more. I immediately did as I was told , he put his finger inside me for the first time and I accidentally let out a very loud moan . I got so embarrassed I went to get up and run out of the theater. He held me still down in my seat, told me to be still. He didn’t care who heard, my pussy was too perfect for him to stop. I opened my legs back up and he put his free hand over my mouth since I made such a big fuss about being heard. Then began fingering me with his other hand. He made me cum at least 10-12 times in a row before I was allowed to get up. I was a mess!! And that was just the beginning of the best vacation of my life!

[takeasadsongandanalyzeit]

I'll Always Be In Love With You (Written by Bud Green, Herman Ruby, Sam H. Stept)

This was and still is a very popular song to record. It was originally released in 1929 recorded by Morton Downey, and was most recently recorded in 2016 by Noël Akchoté. 

It was hard to figure out which version Paul was basing his off of. There are so many covers to choose from (over 30), but, we noticed a lyric change that changed the meter as well:

The original lyrics say “a million miles away” but Paul sings “a thousand million miles away”. A quick search revealed that one recording artist had made that change to the lyrics: Kay Starr. 

It is interesting to note that her name was Catherine Starks, which is fairly similar to Starkey. We both wondered if maybe this is where Ringo got the idea to use Starr as his stage last name. We also wonder if the Hurricanes ever performed it and that’s why Paul, John, George, Stu and Mike recorded it. But that’s just a theory, and a pretty baseless one at that. 

Kay Starr recorded the song twice; once in ‘53 and again in ‘60. Neither recording was released in the UK, as far as we can tell. However, it’s possible that one of the boys had a copy via the Liverpool sailors. 

But we have another, more likely theory. We believe that Radio Luxembourg probably broadcast the ‘60 release, and that’s where they heard it. 

The melody and flourishes are consistent with Kay’s 1960 version, but there are some noteworthy differences/errors. Suggesting that they’d only heard it a few times and Paul probably didn’t have access to his own copy. This means we have probably listened to the song more times while making this post than Paul did before they recorded it. 

Kay Starr’s lyrics are available here.

Paul’s lyrics:

If you should find a way in somebody else’s kiss  Then I will always be in love with you  If you can bare to stay a thousand million miles away  Then I will always be in love with you  I can’t give you any more I tried so hard to please  So let me thank you for  Those tender memories  If you should find a way in somebody else’s kiss  Then I will always be in love with you [instrumental] If you should find your bliss in somebody else's kiss Then I will always be in love with you

For having only heard it a handful of times, Paul did pretty well. It’s impressive, frankly.