#can you only understand the beauty in something if an artist you admire champions it. if they sell it as part of their brand

[wickershells]

If i have to see one more “this is so ethel cain core” comment i am gouging out my eyes And offering them to the heavens as penitence for the horrors of the human race. We have failed o lord

[the-hidden-pages]

Misread Affections - Laszlo Kreizler/Fem!Reader SMUT

I started at midnight. I had 0 words. It’s 4:30am. I have 4643 words because I have fallen deeply for Doctor Laszlo Kreizler. Forgive me for this.

Synopsis: With all your history together, you and Doctor Kreizler believe you understand each other. Yet when you believe him to be infatuated with Karen Stratton, and he believes you to have affection for Marcus Isaacson, you’re both stunned when you find yourselves to be proven wrong.

Warnings: NSFW. Desk Sex. Dirty Talk. Patient-to-Friend-to-Lover. Definite depression and general self-loathing.

SPOILERS FOR THE SECOND SEASON!!!!!!

You had always admired the man Doctor Laszlo Kreizler was.

He championed those who could not champion themselves. He worked tirelessly to understand the minds of criminals. To those very same criminals, and many others that lived as outcasts to society, he would offer kindness and understanding. At his best he was beyond intelligent and, daresay, sweet.

At his worst, he was ruthless, and his own self-loathing would have him come across as unempathetic most days. While preaching to others to care for himself, he would often forego his own care. While offering an ear and a receptive mind, he would refuse to offer himself the same.

You knew this within mere days of knowing Doctor Kreizler. And such facts made you rather fond of him.

A fondness that was not helped by his handsome build, his dark locks, his scrutinizing gaze.

And yet no part of you could justify ever acting upon this fondness.

You had come to him both as a patient and a colleague. You had always been aware of a darkness within yourself, ever since you were a child. This darkness had only grown, too often all-consuming, leaving you. a dysfunction wreck of a human being. However, you had an obligation to keep going, a promise you had sworn to your sister to continue your own existence. So, exist you did.

While your family’s fortune wasn’t enough to send you to Harvard, like the Doctor himself, it did allow for you to be a reasonably educated woman of the times. A deep fascination in understanding your own darkness led you to the work of alienists, and eventually to the work of Doctor Kreizler.

While you couldn’t often justify breaking societal rules to such an extent, you found yourself motivated enough to call upon the Doctor with a proposition – should he aide you in understanding your own illness of the brain, you would offer any services you could to the Kreizler Institute.

You could tell he was curious of you. A woman of your standing did not often make such demands with such authority, nor so blatantly admit to her own illnesses. He quickly agreed, eager to study why you considered yourself so damaged, and happy to take on an extra set of hands with the children he looked after.

Over time, you begun to slip effortlessly into Doctor Kreizler’s life.

You met the likes of Cyrus and Stevie, along with many others that worked at the Institute. You were then blown away by the strength within Miss Sara Howard, and the pure, undiluted love that Mister John Schuyler Moore could show others. You were even called upon on several occasions to be a fresh set of eyes, the murders of young boy prostitutes and kidnappings of babies not deterring you, to the surprise and reluctant joy of the Doctor.

And as Doctor Kreizler studied you, you studied him.

You slowly learned of all the emotion he kept hidden behind the façade of professionalism. The kindness, the love, the anger, the fear. While he showed none of these most days, occasionally a concoction of such feeling would burst in an overwhelming outpour.

In offering him a platonic safe space, a place for him to talk through such outbursts should he wish, he in turn aided you.

The darkness you felt for so long began to subside some days, and between the efforts of him and a passing remark from John, you learned of an outlet for your darker thoughts – writing.

While expressing your own emotions and turmoil did not come easy, you found it far simpler when written down on paper, as opposed to spoken aloud to a judging room.

Doctor Kreizler gifted you a beautiful leather-bound journal a mere day after this revelation, with the request that you record your thoughts. He promised he would not read it unless you requested him to as an act of therapy.

For many days, you allowed him to read any thoughts that came to mind.

Thoughts of blood, of death, of pain and anger. Thoughts of a stolen childhood, of worthlessness, of longing.

Many days when he read your pages, you would be silently crying as he did, fearful of his judgement. But it never came.

Instead, he would close the book silently, and offer you professional advice.

One particularly rough day, in which your narrative was beyond vicious to you, he closed the book before finishing, and offered you something you didn’t expect – an embrace.

He hugged you so tightly, that for once…

Your inner monologue ceased.

His own, however, raged on.

How could you think so lowly of yourself, he wondered? While he could understand mindsets built from trauma, he couldn’t help but wish you could see yourself through his own eyes. Your empathy when you cared for the children in the Institute. Your intelligence when conversing with Miss Howard. Your artistic delight when laughing with John. And the perspective, the warmth you offered such a broken man such as himself.

Neither of you knew, in that exact moment, that the other was realizing the fondness you both held in your hearts for each other.

And neither of you knew how truly broken the other felt at their core.

Two souls, believing themselves to be undeserving of love, finding it in their hearts for the other.

When the beautiful, cunning Doctor Karen Stratton entered the picture, you asked Doctor Kreizler to refrain from reading your journal.

He was hurt by this, but profession and courtesy claimed that he could not show it.

You began to withdraw from him, placing your entire focus on the case of the stolen babies and your focus on the children in the Institute. Kreizler, in his own difficulties of potentially losing the said Institute, took notice of your own withdrawal from your sessions, but held enough hope that you had found stability to care for yourself. You still conversed with Sara, you smiled with John. You had even been introduced to the Isaacsons, and he had wondered if you had taken a liking to Marcus.

You deserved a young man such as him, he told himself, heart heavy. A whole, young man with enough strength to support you.

And on the night of Marcus’ death, he believed it to be confirmed.

He found you alone, in his study where you so often had your sessions with him. You were curled inwards on yourself, clutching your journal as though it were your lifeline, sobbing uncontrollably.

He moved to console you, arms holding you tightly.

“It’s all too much,” you choked out, unable to articulate much more.

 Doctor Kreizler nodded, waiting for you to be able to go on.

You regained some breath with difficulty. “I just…I can’t stand to lose a friend. Not after everything else lately.”

 “I know how difficult it can be, to lose one you love…” Kreizler began, not noticing how your sobs stopped in confusion. “After Mary, I…Well I swore I would never again…The point is, I-“ he stopped short.

You had spluttered out a laugh.

 Your hand covered your mouth immediately, noticing what had just happened. You immediately moved to cover it up, wiping away your tears and standing up away from him. “No, no, Doctor. Heavens, Marcus…well, he was loved but, I saw…I see the Isaacsons as brothers I never had. He was dear to me but…not in the sense I suspect that Mary was to you.”

 “I…see…” Doctor Kreizler pulled back, sitting in his study chair as he gazed at you. “Apologies, I seem to have misread your relationship. Nonetheless, his death has greatly affected you, as it has all of us. I suspect it will be a very difficult grieving process, but…” he manages a soft, rare smile that warmed your heart. “We will endure it together, as we have these cases.”

“Will we?” your voice grew empty as your thoughts swirled.

He titled his head, unsure of where this was leading. You gathered your courage to question him.

“Rumour has it, Doctor Stratton has asked you to join her in Vienna. I wonder if you’ll go.”

 Silence falls over the room.

 Laszlo couldn’t understand what this had to do with anything. Your crying, your distress over Marcus. What did his leaving have to do with any of your distress?

 “You’re greatly upset by something,” he eventually said, gazing at you with a more analytical eye than before. “I’m afraid you give me too much credit, if you think I know the specifics of it.”

“I-“ you stopped, clearing your throat as you choked up. Your knuckles turned white on your journal’s edges, hands shaking. “Doctor Kreizler-“

“It’s been months since we’ve known each other,” he interrupts, “and we haven’t held a session together in nearly five weeks. Would it pain you to call me Laszlo? Are we not…friends?”

You gaped at him, but his face remained unreadable.

  You shake your head. “Yes, it…it would pain me. It would pain me a great deal, Doctor – it does pain me a great deal to hear you call me a friend when…”

“When what?” he prompts you sharply, and you inhale quickly.

“When I feel I’ve been dishonest with you, unkind to you…” had the room not been dead still, Laszlo might have missed the next words you whispered. “I feel I’ve been perverse to you.”

 If he was confused, he didn’t show it. And you were talking now, the words spilling out, a cascade unable to end.

“I feel as though…had Marcus not…died…tonight, I might never have done this. But then my mind, it began spinning so quickly I couldn’t stop it, and I couldn’t help but imagine countless scenarios in which Libby, in which the Dusters, in which…well, in which any number of causes might take your life as well. In which you might die before…before I can confess…” You huff, your words getting caught once again. With a determined move, your arm shot out to pass your journal to him, and Kreizler takes note of a particular page being creased.

 He looks up at you, but you don’t meet his eye.

“I’ve marked where I want you to start reading. Just…go from there. Inform me when you’re finished.”

You walk over to the window, desperate to be distracted, as Doctor Kreizler opens the book and reads at your request.

           He can’t comprehend what he’s reading at first.

           While he had grown accustomed to your twisted perception of yourself, he hadn’t realized just how ruthless the self-loathing could take you. Endless doubt of your friendships with the team, with your position as a caretaker, in your abilities to be a friend.            And as words continue, he realizes your doubts in being a partner, a lover.

           If he grows flustered at the words he reads, he’s determined not to show it to you.

           He reads your envy of women like Sara Howard, able to move forward with such strength and certainty, and of Karen Stratton, so brash, so forward. Your envy is strong towards her, in her abilities to understand sexuality, passion, human desire, and in…

           In her connection to himself.

           His eyes widen as your own ramblings seem to uncover a truth you hadn’t explored before – your attraction to the Doctor that had aided you, offered you employment. The pure taboo of such affections, yet your inability to stop it. Your adoration, your admiration for the intimidating, raw man that he was. How you felt unworthy, that you would hold him back, that he deserved a woman as delightful as Doctor Stratton, a woman who could stimulate him academically, that could pleasure him physically. How you felt so deeply ashamed of harbouring such elicit fantasies of the man that had been nothing but kind to you. How you loved him so deeply it made you want to die, because you would never be deserving –

           You heard the journal snapping shut, and you couldn’t bring yourself to face the Doctor, knowing what he must’ve read, dreading what he must now be thinking.

           The silence lasted far longer than you would’ve liked, but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak.

           “I find myself taken aback more often than I like,” Kreizler’s voice shatters the still air. “I believe myself to be so wise, so understanding of the mind, and yet I come across a mind such as yours that I…I truly cannot fathom how you think what you think.”

           “I’m sorry,” you start, voice breaking as tears begin to flow again.

           You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel a hand on your own. You don’t dare to turn around, frozen like a rabbit having been sniffed out by a hound.

           “You think me to be attracted to Doctor Stratton, am I correct?”

           You nod. Of course, he was. Was it not obvious?

           “Karen and I are colleagues, and friends, should I be too bold to assume so. I can recognize that she is a physically beautiful woman, yes, and I’m sure some day she will make a man a very happy husband, should she wish. But her and I have a kinship, a partnership, not unlike what I believe you and Marcus might have had, that I too misinterpreted as love.”

           You sniff, closing your eyes tightly. What was he trying to tell you?

           Doctor Kreizler spins you around slowly, leading you to face him.

           “I do not harbour half the affection in my heart for Doctor Stratton as I do for you.”

           You freeze. “Doctor-“

           “Please,” he reaches up to cup your face, wiping away several of the tears that had fallen. “Please call me Laszlo. You are not the only one to have an epiphany after the loss of our friend, my dear. If you are being so honest with me, I feel it only right to offer you the same.”

           “Laszlo…” you whisper, meeting his eyes for the first time since he read your words. His heart breaks with the pain within them. “How can you do this? Look at me, hold me, when you see how broken I am? I’m undeserving-“

           “You would choose to love, to care for a cripple, a shell of a man in the eyes of society. A man who has too often neglected the children he cares for, often spat in the face of those he dares to call his friends. If either of us is undeserving of the other’s love, my dear, it’s me.”

           Your brows furrow angrily, reaching up to mirror him, cupping his own face with both of yours. “Laszlo Kreizler you stop that right now, I won’t hear any more of…you’re smiling. How could you be smiling?”

           He leans into one of your hands affectionately, a rare, dashing smile lighting up his features in a way you cherished to see, despite the circumstances. “Perhaps we are both wrong. Perhaps…perhaps we need each other, to use each other’s eyes and hearts to understand who we truly are. We both have such lowly opinions of ourselves but…perhaps it was meant to be.”

           Your own smile was beginning to form, despite your best efforts, as your brain’s screaming of all that could go wrong began to quieten.

           “I hesitate to believe in fate, Doctor…” you trail off, taking a step closer, your heart filled with hope and eyes filled with wonder. “I hesitate further to admit to needing someone, and yet…my brain is only ever kind and quiet when I’m around you.”

           Laszlo’s weaker arm rests on your hip, while the thumb of the hand caressing your face moves to trace your chin. “My language is not as…poetic, as yours, my dear,” he confesses, and you both chuckle, “but I very much would like to kiss you, with your permission.”

           “Laszlo, you could do anything to me,” you confess, reaching forward to finally meet his lips.

           It’s messy, and uncoordinated, but any lack of experience the pair of you may have is made up for by the pure, electric eagerness that overtakes the both of you. You’re both exploring, testing each other, in some give and take dance that does not seem to quell any emotions within you, instead quite the opposite.

           You could kiss him forever, you quickly realize.

           But by some cruel twist of fate, you have to pull away, air taking priority.

           You stare wildly at him as he breathes heavily, eyes darker than you had ever seen, with a sense of uncertainty that you hadn’t ever seen about him before.

           A teasing smile finds its way onto your face, as you can’t help but test your luck.

           “How far, exactly, did you read in my book?”

           He blinks at you a couple of times, uncertain of your line of questioning. “I read of your jealousy, of your shame, I don’t…I don’t believe I finished it all, I found I had to address the issue before I continued –“

           “Would you like to know what else was in there?”

           Laszlo appeared flustered as you led him back to his plush chair, and you knelt down between his legs to pick up the book that had fallen to the ground. You don’t offer it to him, however, instead putting it aside.

           “My dear, I don’t –“

           “I ask you to stop me, if my advances are too…forward to you, Laszlo.”

           You slowly rise from your place, moving to lift your skirts so you might position yourself above the Doctor, straddling him in his chair. As if on its own accord, his good hand rises to situate on your waist tightly. You gently grasp his weaker hand, his “broken wing”, and lift it to your mouth, delicately kissing the palm, each finger.

           Laszlo mutters your name, transfixed by your mouth’s movements.

           “I would love every part of you,” you begin, continuing your assault of affection as you whisper against the part of him, he views as most broken. “I would care for you in every capacity in which I’m capable. I would strive to be deserving of you in every which way.” You drop his hand and lean forward, hands grasping the back of the chair as you hold his gaze. “I would have you claim every part of me, I would have your marks for the world to see, if you wished. I’ve dreamt of you and I in the most compromising positions that I dare not say, on nearly every surface of your study, my bedroom, the Institute. I would give you every single piece of me, Laszlo, every ounce of my attraction. I would give you my darkest sins and my deepest pleasure, if you would allow me too. Please, Doctor Kreizler, let me please you.”

           You didn’t know what you were expecting from your confession.

           Perhaps you wondered if he would push you away, exclaiming that your desires were too much, your words too sinful, and that he would cease associations with you immediately. Perhaps you thought he would scold you for being too wanton, too unbecoming of a woman of your standing. Perhaps you hoped the worst that would happen is he would kiss you softly and instruct that you both go to bed in separate rooms, that more carnal needs could be discussed at a later date.

           Never in your wildest dreams did you expect to feel Laszlo shift and harden beneath you, eyes growing so dark they were nearly completely black, and have him reach his hand to curl around the back of your neck.

           And you certainly didn’t expect the deep growl that escaped him as his lips, tongue, and teeth clashed with yours frantically, animalistically.

           Neither of you had experience, you both knew this.

           But you both knew what you wanted, what you needed, and that would be enough to motivate you.

           You both took what you could, Laszlo leaving your lips to reach what he could of your neck, lavishing it with lips and tongue. He explored expertly, quickly learning what you liked based upon the quickening of your breath, of your pulse. What was left of his analytical mind was fascinated by the chain reaction of events, how you spurred each other on.

           When he nipped at your ear, your hips rolled uncontrollably, and a rough groan escaped him unconsciously.

           Fascinating indeed.

           He panicked slightly when you stood, wondering if he had stepped too far. The panic raised as you strode across his study, heading quickly to the door.

           “Wait, my dear, I-“

           “Calm down, Laszlo,” you hushed him, and he heard a loud click of the door locking from where he sat. “I merely don’t wish to be interrupted. If this is still what you wish.”

           He leans back in his chair, breathing heavily, observing you as you stand once again before him. “I should be asking you what you want, my darling.”

           You grin, shaking your head. “Was my speech before not enough for you to know what I want, Doctor Kreizler? Can you not infer exactly what I want from you from the writings in my journal? It’s your turn to share, else I might just leave you like this.”

           His good hand involuntarily juts forward, grasping yours desperately.

           “Don’t you dare.”

           You giggle, and he smiles at the sound.

           “Then, tell me what you wish, Doctor.”

           “I wish…” he trails off, watching as your hands move upward to begin slowly undressing yourself.

           “Yes?” You prompt him teasingly, continuing your motions. “Don’t mind me.”

           Laszlo shifts in his chair, erection clearly visible by the bulge in his slacks. “I…I wish…” his voice trails off again as his eyes take in every inch of your skin that’s uncovered. “I wish to be with you in every manner. Intellectually, spiritually, physically. I wish to connect with you in a way I never will with any other living creature on this Earth. I wish to feel you around me, to bring you to climax. I wish to fill you, to be yours, to fuck you, to make you Mrs. Kreizler…”

           He stops at that, only becoming aware of his own ramblings you straddled him once again, completely nude.

           The faintest voice in his head wondered if you made him stupid, but it was silence as his eyes took you in completely.

           “You are the most gorgeous specimen I’ve ever been graced with seeing, my love.”

           You pull him in to a languid kiss, gently tasting each other as your hand travels down his chest.

           “You speak of love, of my being Mrs. Kreizler…” you start, almost losing your train of thought as you feel him twitch beneath you, your hips rolling to meet his. “Another day I’ll ask you to remind me of those words. But for now…” you lean forward, mouth grazing his ear, causing him to shiver. “I need you to fuck me, Doctor Laszlo Kreizler.”

           For all of your faith in him, you don’t expect the next feat of strength.

           With only his good arm he manages to lift the pair of you from the chair, quickly placing you upwards and onto the desk of his own study, mindless of the papers underneath you, of any others that might be in the building as you shriek in surprise.

           He captures your mouth with his, more forceful, captivating, as his good hand explores your form, grasping both of your breasts before heading downwards to the warmth between your thighs. His fingers collect some of the wetness that had escaped your folds and examines it with an almost mocking scientific fascination.

           “Is this all for me, my darling?” he questions, and you find yourself at a loss for words as he curiously lifts his fingers to his mouth, his tongue slowly tasting you off of them.

           “Fuck, Laszlo,” you whisper, reaching forward to pull him in for a kiss again as he chuckles darkly against you.

           His teasing ends when your hands wander downward, now working at the buttons of his slacks frantically, your palm grazing across his length through his pants, causing him to gasp.

           “My God,” he pants out, and you pull him out of his slacks. He’s hard, warm, rigid in your palm, with veins and girth that you hadn’t imagined in any of your fantasies, but was now all you could imagine filling you, ending that emptiness that you felt.

           “Please,” you whimper, and he gently removes your hand, before lining his cock up with your entrance.

           He meets your eyes, checking one last time to ensure this was what you wanted.

           “Laszlo, please –“your begging is cut short as he breaches you slowly, pushing his full weight forward as the pair of you connect.

           It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt.

           A tantalizing combination of pleasure and pain, your mind repeating an endless mantra of “Laszlo”, which you realize, when he’s fully inside, flush against you, that you’re muttering out loud.

           “Oh, my love,” he breathes, his damaged arm lightly resting on your thigh, his other gripping your hip so tightly you knew there would be marks.

           “You feel so right,” you mindlessly breathe, and you can’t help but moan at the feeling of him twitching inside you at the comment. You would remember that he likes praise, but…

“I don’t know that I will last long, my love,” Laszlo warns, his voice low, gravely, warm against your neck as he buries his face into it, pressing kisses into the skin of your shoulder.

It crosses your mind that you’re completely nude and he’s fully clothed, but the thought fills you with warmth rather than disappointment.

“Nor will I, but this will happen again, won’t it?” you question, a hint of doubt crossing your voice.

The Doctor silences it immediately, kissing you deeply. “Every night, every hour if you would let me, my darling. You are so wonderful…”

“Then please, fuck me Laszlo. I want to cum, I want you to fill me, I – oh!”

The first snap of his hips was relentless, and it was only more intense from there.

He was strong, sure of his movements, chasing his own pleasure and encouraging yours as much as he could, pressing kisses into your neck, your breasts, your lips, his good hand finding your hair tightly. Broken moans left you as dark, rasping breaths escaped him, and it was all too soon before you felt your peak approaching, familiar with the sensation from lonely nights with your own hand curiously working against yourself.

“Laszlo, Doctor Kreizler, I-“ at your moaning of his title, something in him snapped, and his teeth sunk into where your neck met your shoulder.

A deep cry left you as you reached your climax, a white-hot rush waving over you.

As your cunt clenched around him, Laszlo lost himself, growling his native German tongue as he lost his rhythm, heat filling you as he came.

You two didn’t have much time to come down from your highs, as the door to his home could be heard opening and closing from the floors below.

“Doctor Kreizler?” Sara Howard could be heard calling.

Your eyes wide, you rushed to put yourself back together, close wrinkled, roughly thrown back on and your hair being a wreck. You hoped you could pass it off as merely the result of a rough day, an intense mental break.

You turned to Kreizler, who was a picture of perfection, seeming to not be rattled by the events before…almost.

           “Back to the case…?” he trailed off, his voice filled with uncertainty, and you smiled fondly at the terribly awkward, intelligent man before you.

           You step forward and kiss him softly, the warmth between your legs and bruises on your thigh a reminder of what had just occurred.

           “Back to the case. We can continue our escapades when it’s all over, Doctor.”

           He chuckles, confidence returning to him as he nods. “I look forward to it.”

[toplinetommy]

Refrigerator Door - Tyson Jost

Word Count: 1.7k Synopsis: You, Tyson, and your family reminisce some of the best parts of yours and Tyson’s relationship A/N: Inspired by Refrigerator Door by Luke Combs, italics are flashbacks!

“Mom! Hi!” you exclaim, embracing your mom in a hug. “Welcome to our new home!” You gesture your arms showing off the newly and finally completed living room. You and Tyson had just bought your first, official, “married couple” house together a few months ago in the Denver area, and this was the first time your family was able to come out and see it for themselves.

Tyson stands up from the couch, making his way over to hug and greet everyone. He hugs your mom last and proceeds to ask if anyone wants something to drink. The small group that was your family follows the two of you into your kitchen, a few “ooo’s” coming from their mouths at the sight of the fully updated kitchen.

As he shuts the refrigerator door, your family all find seats around the kitchen island. “These are really nice cabinets. Nice countertop, too, whoever designed this did a really good job.” Your dad analyzes, admiring the soft white cabinets and the butcher block countertops that are littered with greenery.

A soft scoff comes out of your mouth at the comments your dad makes, “Always gotta comment on the construction.” Your mom and brother laugh at your comment, knowing the way your dad always got about that kind of stuff.

“You guys already have so many pictures hanging on your fridge!” Your mom exclaims, getting up and moving towards the silver refrigerator to get a closer look. You share a wide smile with Tyson, knowing that pictures were something the two you never had enough of.

“It’s covered with the best days of our lives.” You admire, leaning into Tyson's side as he places a kiss to the crown of your forehead.

A polaroid of the two of you at Red Rocks Amphitheater

“That one’s when we saw Kygo at Red Rocks. It’s one of Tyson’s favorite artists.” You say, leaning into Tyson’s side a little, thinking back to that night.

“y/n! Walk faster!” Your boyfriend exclaims, grabbing your hand and pulling your smaller body closer to his. You giggle at your excited boyfriend, a wide smile covering both of your faces as you walk hand in hand to your seats.

As the two of you make it to your seats Tyson wraps his arms around your frame, kissing the top of your head. “Thank you for coming with me, means a lot.” You smile into his broad chest, pulling away slightly to give him a quick kiss. The two of you hadn’t been together that long, only for about four months, and this was the first time you really let Tyson spend any type of money on you.

As the concert goes on and the two of you sway to the bass of the music playing, there has been a definite shift in your guys’ relationship. “Hey,” He whispers into your ear, “I love you, you know that?” You turn your head to look further at him, wide-eyed at the statement that had never been said to the other yet. The music around you fades as you yell an “I love you” right back at him.

“That was the night Tys told me he loved me for the first time.” You grinned, a similar grin forming on your mother’s face at the sentiment, while a gagging sound comes from the island where your brother sat.

A picture of you, Tyson and your brother at a bar

“Oh, that one’s old!” Your brother says loudly, pointing at the beat-up photo in the top left corner being held up by your college magnet. You laugh loudly, your brother joining you as you look at the picture. The three of you are sitting at a table, you’re practically in Tyson’s lap and your brother is standing behind the two of you.

“That’s when Tyson made a point to come visit me my last semester at school so he could get to experience the ‘party-girl lifestyle’ that he so begged to witness.” You mimic Tyson’t tone as you do finer quotes around ‘party-girl lifestyle’.

“And I was there because y/n had just gotten back from spring break and I hadn’t seen her in weeks.” Your brother explains to your parents.

“Tyson, you seriously want to go out to some dingy college bar that’s going to be full of frat guys?” You ask, raising your eyebrows at your pouting boyfriend.

“Yes! I didn’t really get to experience the college party scene that much and I know you enjoy the bar scene here so you should show me your ways.” Tyson elaborated, puppy-dog eyes in full effect.

You let him tag along, him and your brother chatting while you did your hair and makeup. Once you guys had gotten around to the bar after a pretty laid-back pregame, that’s when all hell broke loose.

Tyson couldn’t believe how cheap the drinks were and tried to convince your group that you guys weren’t actually drinking alcohol because it couldn’t possibly be $3 for a double.

“Just drink your shitty rum and coke and get drunk and let loose,” You say into his ear. “It’s the way of college!” You finish with a laugh. Tyson laughs along with you, throwing his head back, then downing the rest of his drink before getting up to get another round.

The night progresses and the two of you, alongside your small group, continue to take turns between dancing and playing card games at the table and getting way too drunk off of bottom-shelf liquor.

A picture of you, Tyson, Andre Burakovsky, Mikko Rantanen, and Mark Barberio at the X-Games

“That one’s from this past year during the bye week. Y/n and I went to Aspen with a few of the guys for the X-Games.” Tyson explained, pointing at the picture briefly.

“Oh yeah! She kept sending me pictures from it to make me jealous!” Your brother complained, followed by a scolding look from both of your parents.

“Next time we’ll invite you. I already told you that.” You defend, freeing yourself from Tyson’s grip to go sit down next to him.

“I don’t think I could ever try or even want to attempt flipping that many times in the air over har, frozen, snow.” You admit, watching the snowboarding half-pipe event. Tyson is standing behind you, his arms slouched around your neck, the other guys standing around the both of you. “Like, I thought what you guys did seemed hard and ridiculously dangerous, but I take that all back.” A loud laugh emits from Tyson behind you and you feel the rumbles in his chest against your back. The rest of the guys were laughing alongside him.

“Hey! What we do is hard!” Tyson whines, pulling you tighter into his chest. You giggle lightly into your scarf before turning to look at your boyfriend. Your eyes meet, his eyes giving you his signature puppy-dog look, to which you sigh at.

“I love you,” You sing-song, going to poke his pink nose. “And what you do impresses me every day, don’t you ever forget that.”

A candid picture of the two of you with his family, Tyson’s holding the Stanley Cup above his head and instead of looking at the camera he’s looking at you

“I haven’t seen this one before!” Your mom says with glee, reaching out and touching the photo being held up by the Colorado Avalanche Stanley Cup Champions magnet. “The magnet is a nice touch, too.”

“One of the best days of my life.” Tyson admits sheepishly. His smile widens and his cheeks turn a little pink from the memory of that night.

“You’re a fucking Stanley Cup champion, Tyson!” You yell, running a little too fast over the ice to your boyfriend.

“I’m a fucking Stanley Cup champion, baby!” He yells right back as you reach him. His arms wrap around your body tightly, and he lifts you up into the air with a squeal. He sets you down, grasping your cheeks with his calloused and clammy hands, giving you a kiss.

“I love you so much. Thank you for being here and for always being there for me.” He thanks, his lips only a few millimeters away from your own. You can see his eyes starting to turn glossy, causing the same reaction in yours.

“I love you, I’m so proud of you.” You say, a hiccup coming out at the end from your overwhelming emotions. You wrap your arms around his neck once more, hugging him impossibly tighter.

Tyson pulls away “C’mon, we gotta go take some pictures with that beauty and the rest of my family.” He grabs your hand, skating slowly towards where his mom, sister, and grandparents stood waiting for the two of you to have your moment.

Even more hugs and congratulations are exchanged as you wait for the cup to be passed to Tyson for his turn to take pictures. Once JT skates it over and passes it to Tyson with a cheer, you wait for him to take some pictures with just his family before he waves you over to join him. You stand between him and his grandpa, a look of pure adoration in your eyes as you look at the love of your life having his dream come true.

An ultrasound picture

“We actually have one that we still haven’t put up there yet.” You say, eyeing Tyson. He understands where you’re going with the statement and moves to the next room to grab the photo you’re talking about.

The tone in your voice and Tyson’s sudden exit from the kitchen causes your family to all exchange weird looks as they wonder where he went.

“What picture are you guys talking about?” Your dad asks for everyone in the room. He’s leaning on the kitchen island with knitted eyebrows. A tightness pulls in your stomach at the anxiety of the conversation that’s about to happen once Tyson comes back.

As if on cue, Tyson walks back into the kitchen, small photo in hand. Instead of putting it up on the fridge right away, he opts to bring it over to your family. As he reaches the kitchen island where you all are located, he pulls you into his side and sets the small, mainly black photo onto the table.

You look around the island, watching everyone’s reactions once they comprehend the photo laying in front of them.

Your mom’s eyes flick from the photo to you and back to the photo with her jaw dropped and eyes wide until she speaks up. “You’re pregnant?” She sheepishly asks, hope filling her facial features.

You nod your head, smile widening on your face as you answer her, “I’m pregnant.” You say it so softly, it’s almost a whisper, as Tyson rubs your arm softly.

“Oh my God! You’re pregnant! My baby is having a baby!” She shrieks jumping from her stool and running around to pull both you and Tyson into an airtight hug. Your dad and brother join in on the group hug before pulling away to give you individual hugs. Once your dad finishes shaking Tyson’s hand, Tyson moves to stick the new addition to the front of the fridge where it joins the other pictures.

The pictures covering your fridge create somewhat of a contrast to the rest of the kitchen aesthetic, but the both of you don’t mind and you enjoy the daily reminders of the best days of your lives.

[delicateunraveling]

Dear Taylor,  

A version of this has been in my drafts since the week Lover came out, and I’ve been alternating between too shy and too overwhelmed to post it, but I wanted to try and say something in honor of your 30th birthday, the astonishing year you’ve had, and the impact you’ve made on my life. (The photo is of things I received in a package from a fellow Swiftie, who sent me the deluxe version of the album - and the extra surprises! - because I couldn’t afford it myself, and that itself was remarkably kind and a testament to you - you’ve inspired so much goodness and generosity in others.)

Even if you’re, understandably, never able to see this, it’s honestly a blessing to think I can send this out into the universe. That's enough. Somehow I never knew that I could reach out on Tumblr until recently, or I likely would have said something to you many years ago (despite that overwhelming shyness). I wish I could be eloquent or imaginative in writing it (if I could be complex, if I could be cool!) instead of...an overemotional mess? I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you, for everything you've given to us in your music, everything you've given of yourself no matter how hard it's been, everything you've represented in your honesty, your displays of compassion and strength.

Music is the deepest passion and love of mine, it's the gossamer thread that's held me together in the worst times, the safe place where I could pour my heart and be myself. I'm a couple of years older than you are, though I generally feel behind these days because I've been chronically ill and mostly housebound since I was 19, and that halted my life and dreams in their tracks. The dream of truly honing my voice and my musical self was the most difficult to put away in the midst of all the others. It's often felt like being trapped in amber while the world keeps spinning, or like being a ghost, ostensibly drifting in the world, but nearly invisible to it, only occasionally peeking out of the windows to see the sun.

Ten years ago, I fell for a boy (still the only person I've ever felt that way about), and everything he was ended up being a lie and devolving into him gaslighting me and threatening my safety directly, along with breaking my heart. It took such a toll that I had to pull myself out of a harmful darkness, and he was a musician himself, so I had some terror that the experience with him had stolen or tainted that dearest part of my being. It hadn't, but the recovery took a while. One of the very first things that got me through it, that woke me up again, was being able to hold close to your first two albums. Those songs quite literally helped keep my heart beating, and then Speak Now helped it to heal. I’ve unfortunately never had the chance to see you live (the concert films are spectacular, though!), but your music became a part of the tapestry of my life from those first moments on. I've loved your work ever since then, but often quietly and tenderly, because it's near to such a delicate part of my spirit. It's vulnerable and personal, it's romantic and devastating, it’s starshine salvation when the world feels cold and clouded, and saying that is strange since those expressed emotions are fundamentally yours, but the way they transform into something both universal and specific is truly magical.

This year has been the worst and the darkest I've felt since that heartbreak ten years ago, though for very different reasons. My health took a serious turn for the worse. My beloved dog, who was my constant companion and my emotional support through every day of my illness for almost 13 years, succumbed to cancer. She was my sweet baby (I'm sure you understand this feeling with your precious kitties), and I still struggle with her absence daily. My mom and I are in the most precarious position we've ever been in financially, and we're looking at losing our condo with nowhere else to go. I've felt like everything is terrifying and tenuous and slipping away from me, including time itself. I apologize for even putting those burdens down in words, but if I don't, the weight of my thanks to you isn't as real. "Me!" came out only a couple of weeks after she passed away, and the pure happiness of it was the first bit of joy I'd even felt since she had relapsed. Then when you released “The Archer,” it moved me to the point that tears were streaming down my face when I first played it, feeling like I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost was transcribed from a cathartic place in my own thoughts. Knowing a new album was coming from you once again gave me something to look forward to, a reason to want to keep going, even when it hurt to breathe from missing her, even on days when my illness has been flaring too severely and painfully for me to get out of bed, I kept thinking...make it through to August, you have to hear Taylor's next album. Making it there felt like a minor miracle, and even though I’m scared and don’t know what’s ahead or what’s going to happen now, I am unbelievably glad that I was here to listen to your music, and then to witness your continued bravery, over the past few months. Laying that out in words on a screen sounds too small, but it's tremendous to me.

There are connections to each of your album releases that I could ramble about (Red would take several chapters of its own in my hypothetical novel, My Melodic Inclinations and Inspirations: An Autobiography), in their meaning to me and how much they represent in the pages of these passing years, but I realize how special Lover is to you specifically, and that's why now, more than ever, I wanted to be able to say how grateful I am for your poetic words, for your sweeping and intimate melodies, for your works of art. Hidden away in my room, I've sung-screamed your songs in delight at the top of my lungs, I've curled up under covers and cried to them, I've twirled around in pajamas with them. This is the first time I won't have my fluffy girl to hold on my lap and sing them to, but somehow that has made having new songs all the more treasured and cathartic. Lover is an absolutely exquisite, sparkling gift of an album. I cherish it as I do each of your albums, each for their own special reasons, and I will forever be thankful for all of your work.

I respect and admire you so much for the way you've stood your ground, the way you've championed what you believe in and spoken for equality and for artists’ rights, the grace with which you've approached everything you've been dealt in such a harsh spotlight. I can't fathom what that's like, but I am constantly proud of how you respond, your ability to both grow and remain authentic in expressing your views and truths. Exceptional artistry is worth celebrating (your Artist of the Decade and every other accolade is earned and deserved!), but being an exceptional person is even more worthwhile, and I believe you're both. When we say we stand with you, when we rally around you, I hope you remember that it’s out of not only that admiration and pride, but also rooted in genuine care and connected humanity. Our society needs bright, bold women, making changes and supporting one another. The world is lucky to have your beautiful songs, and your individual voice.

Thank you for creating such incredible things. Thank you for giving a valuable perspective to such a breadth of emotions. Thank you for giving your dazzling art so wholly. I hope you remember how much it means, how deeply it resonates, to so many people. I hope you remember that so many of us are in your corner with the brightest wishes, for your happiness and your freedom to be yourself, with prayers for you and your family and loved ones. I hope you know that your words have given some of us life rafts in swirling currents that threaten to drag us under, that your music has the ability to break through shadows with powerful light. There is a sacredness which exists in art that knits us together. Wherever I go, I'll carry your songs in my heart and soul.

Happy, happy Birthday!!! 🍰 🎈✨ It truly is the end of the decade, but the start of an age. May 30 be the beginning of brand new creativity and experiences, and even more wonder and daylight, golden on the horizon.

Love always,

Jess 💖💖💖

@taylorswift  @taylornation 😘

[alena-kostornaia]

Kiss and Cry Reloaded Podcast 3

The Kiss&Cry Reloaded Podcast has released their third episode. Massimiliano Ambesi, Angelo Dolfini, and Francesco Paone talk about numerous things, but here are cut parts of Alena Kostornaia! Translated by madmax, minimally edited by @birdie02.

[Ambesi - 33:34] In the ladies competition, the judges were very strict… [Alena] Kostornaia's triple axel in the short was good, but maybe there could be doubts about the first in the free...

I didn't understand anything about the judgment in Grenoble. My parameters are completely different. When I see that Alena Kostornaia, for some judges, has weaker skating skills and transitions than Mariah Bell, then something’s wrong. For some judges Alena was behind Mariah in that components, for others on par. We are facing an aberration. It’s a denial of reality. It’s like claiming that the earth is flat.

There’s a limit to everything. Kostornaia is weaker in two components that have an objectivity, more than the others ... no, it’s not possible!

When I see, this is insane, the SP of Kostornaia, recycled from the past season, very nice, very refined, which proportionately is valued less than the free, which instead is still to be finished, it means that I see something quite different than the judges.

Moreover, if you give to Kostornaia’s SP the same score you gave to [Alexandra] Trusova in Skate Canada, then we have a serious problem. I concede that Trusova’s SP is skated mostly on one foot and that there’s something good ... but we are on another planet. There cannot be only tenths of a point of difference. It's inexplicable.

[Paone - 72:48] As for the ladies competition, the main theme is Alena Kostornaia, who won clearly in Grenoble. Have you been surprised that Kostornaia, a newcomer (at the senior level), has beaten Alina Zagitova so clearly?

[Ambesi] In short: zero. First of all there was a precedent in the Russian Championships. Kostornaia threw away the last Russian National championship, falling in the step sequence of the SP, otherwise she would be the current Russian National champion.

It’s simple. Compare the base value of Kostornaia’s programs and the base value of Zagitova’s. If Kostornaia doesn't have a meltdown, she is unattainable for Zagitova.

The real question is: with the same programs, if they performed the same elements, who would be better between the two? My answer is: Kostornaia is better. Not everyone agrees, someone think that Zagitova has greater artistic maturity. I respect every opinion but we must talk about facts, not fairy tales.

The real facts are that Kostornaia's programs, if skated clean, have a huge base value margin above Zagitova's. Adding the base value and the available GOEs, if they both skate clean, Zagitova is behind by 15 points to Kostornaia on the technical side. Compared to Trusova she is behind by 36 points.

[Dolfini] It hurts. It’s painful.

[Ambesi] If Kostornaia skate clean, with three triple axels, when can she lose to Zagitova?

[Dolfini] Never.

[Ambesi] End of speech.

[Dolfini] I’m not surprised. I’m admired. It was not to be taken for granted, to win at the debut in the senior category. She showed a great character. She had some difficulties with the triple Axel in practise.

In my opinion, she needed the triple Axel to beat Zagitova in her first international competition as senior. Zagitova is the current Olympic and World Champion. If she were weak in that element, her competition would have been complicated, even if I agree that Alena has excellent quality in the components, despite her young age. But if she lands the Axel, there’s no history.

She wasn’t even treated well by the judges and by the technical panel, because the triple Axel in the short had not left me in doubt... Maybe, watching it in slow motion, they have had a better point of view but a different call wouldn't have surprised me at all.

[Ambesi - 76:41] There are unwritten rules in this sport, that everyone follows. It appears to the audience that the components scores of Kostornaia’s programs were very low. However, if we analyze the newcomer's scores, especially in the FS, none in the past has ever approached those of Kostornaia. She got over 71 in the components of the FS, with a program that is objectively much weaker than the short. Honestly, I would have no problem giving 38 to Kostornaia in the SP. I would have no doubts.

On the current FS I have some more doubts. Clearly her SS should be above 9, and her TR should be around 9. On the other components we can discuss but 9 points average is fair, which means at least 72 points in the FS. I feel that, if she refines the FS, she can get more points. Even in the SP she can get at least 36 points in the components.

It seems to me that Carolina Kostner still has the record in the SP, like 39 points. I think that the best Kostornaia is not at all inferior (to Kostner). We will see where Alena, who is still young, will arrive. Surely, the components score in the SP cry for vengeance. As I finished watching her short program, I expected the world record. I expected 85 points.

[Dolfini] Instead, we didn't even get close.

[Ambesi - 78:39] She got nine points less. I think that everyone was appalled. I know that some fans of Rika Kihira consider her SS superior to Kostornaia’s. Let's talk about it ... [t/n: Ambesi implies that doesn't agree]

[Dolfini] I think that in some aspects Kihira is superior to Kostornaia, but not in the SS. I am a big fan of Kihira, who I followed for a long time, since she was in the Junior categories, when she had inconstant results. I like her SS but Kostornaia is an exceptional athlete.

All the 3A are exceptional athletes but I regret not seeing the fair difference between Kostornaia’s components and those of Trusova. I would like to see a wider gap. 

There must be a difference, just as there is an abysmal difference on the technical side between Trusova and all the others. If she (Trusova) lands her jumps, she is unapproachable, maybe even for the best Kostornaia, because she simply can’t get the necessary points.

[Ambesi - 80:18] If you add the base value and the maximum GOEs available, Kostornaia starts from 21.17 under Trusova.

[Dolfini] For me it’s amazing that we have three athletes so different that they can satisfy all preferences.

Kostornaia is technically complete. She has a beautiful triple Axel, excellent interpretative qualities, at the highest level. Trusova is the pure jumper. Anna Shcherbakova is somehow in the middle. She has something less than Trusova in the jumps and something less than Kostornaia from the artistic point of view. If these three don’t have a meltdown, it’s very difficult for everyone to get close.

Kihira is extraordinary. There are other athletes of great quality, but right now the three Russian girls are objectively above all.

[Ambesi - 81:44] There is always room for improvement. I think that Alena’s SP is already the excellence. Compared to last year, the change from a double Axel to a triple Axel needs a different preparation. Something, in the preparation for the jump, was lost, because that double Axel is the textbook example of an unanimous +5 GOE. With the change to the triple Axel you gain points but some quality is lost.

However, I think that at the end of the season, the short program with the highest score in the components should be Kostornaia’s. In the FSm the game is more open, but the others don’t have the overall quality Alena possesses. Not surprisingly, Kostornaia, who is one year younger than Kihira, always had higher scores at junior level.

[Paone - 83:17] Excluding Daniil Gleikhengauz, which choreographer would you like to make a program for Alena?

[Ambesi] I can tell who I wouldn't trust: Lori Nichol.I'd like to see her work with Jeffrey Buttle, even with different rhythms. With Shae-Lynn Bourne too.

[Dolfini] I was thinking about Shae-Lynn Bourne too.

[Ambesi] Even David Wilson. But it doesn’t matter, because as long as she remains there (in Team Tutberidze), she will work with Daniil. Daniil is doing a good job.

In my opinion, however, if we look at the FS of the four leading athletes of Tutberidze [including Alina Zagitova, Alexandra Trusova, Anna Shcherbakova], the one further back is that of Kostornaia. It will certainly improve a lot in the coming times.

[izumisays]

dear yuletide author

Thank you so much for reading this and taking part in this wonderful annual conspiracy!

First of all, I hope you have a lovely time! If any of the fandoms below pique your interest, I’m delighted already, and ready to hear all the stories you want to tell.

Fandoms: Nirvana in Fire, Spinning Silver, In Other Lands, Thunderbolt Fantasy, Grasshopper Jungle

As for reading preferences, I’m happy with a wide variety of tones and genres, of any rating, ranging anywhere from lighthearted antics to dramatic casefics. But the core of all the stories I love has always been character interaction and interplay of their competences. 

How the characters play off each other and bring out their best/worst, how they’d react to a divergence of events, how true they’d stay to themselves in a different setting -- I love fanfiction for allowing us to reconnect with our favourite stories time and again by asking these questions. And there are so many ways to do it! To name a few favourites, I’m always game for POV hijinks, a missing scene, a casefic, canon expansion, backstories and what-ifs.

You may notice that quite a few of my requests lean towards shipfic – those, too, are welcome in a variety of tones – but I also tried to include openings for gen ideas if that’s your jam. Additionally, while it is not usually my top interest, I don’t have anything against AUs if there is something that you are itching to explore: I tend to enjoy them for a new aesthetic that fleshes out the favoured character dynamics in a new light, or a fusion that redefines the playing ground to allow the characters to exhibit their core competences in new and exciting ways.

I would be very grateful if you could avoid a/b/o and similar kinktropes, played-straight soulmate fic, and character interpretation that runs contrary to their core values. If in doubt, please reach out to me on anon - the askbox is open!

NIRVANA IN FIRE: Mei Changsu, Xiao Jingyan

Is this a complex, narratively inevitable historic tapestry strangling people with its treads, full of delicious politicking and identity porn? Yes, it is.

Is my burning – nay, primal – desire so simple as to smoosh two faces together and watch them kiss? Yes, it is :’)

I mean, I will obviously not say no if the kissing is giftwrapped in the said tapestry of beautiful, politicky plot, but the fever I can’t get out of my system is this: LET THEM KISS, GODDAMMIT. LET THEM BE HAPPY. I welcome canon divergences, alternative endings, fix-its, insert eps and codas where it looks like they would have kissed (erm, or at least confronted each other in a way that would inevitably end with them making out) if only Mei Changsu wasn’t so caught up in self-loathing and fluffy foxfur coats, and Jingyan didn’t talk too loudly about his so dead, so very dead beautiful ex to hear Mei Changsu weep stoically into his beautiful white furs.

I adore Prince Jing. He is 90% cheekbones and 20% heartbroken pouting over his so very dead friends, and all of it noble and awkward and stubborn and deserving of happiness. Mei Changsu is ridiculous, and capable, and twisted into pretzels of his own creation: not above gloating over his enemies while daintily dipping cookies into his tea, he gets too caught up in weaving the tapestry to notice he is a part of it.  Pull him off his high horse, Jing! Render him helpless by being yourself! Do something about being hopelessly charmed with each other, through resentment, loss, bitter pining, and narrative inevitability! JUSTKISSALREADY.gif!!

 SPINNING SILVER: Mirnatius

Spinning Silver is a beautiful story, a polyphony of voices that echo the key themes with poignance in individual tales coming together into a bigger picture: admirable female characters, complicated families, bargains and stakes and wordless bonds, all spun and woven together with so much care and craft! While I really liked the whole journey, it’s two characters in particular at whom I’d like to get a closer look.

Irina and Mirnatius: both shipfic and/or gen. Irina the ruler, with an iron will and unwavering hand: I would absolutely like to explore the court life under her rule, after the events of the book. In between running a country and cleaning up a demonic mess, does she find a thought to spare about Mirnatius? Does she harbour any resentment or sense of obligation, or indulgently tolerates him as part of the ornamental royal regalia? Is there a role she envisages him playing? Does she box him into that role, or allow herself to be surprised?

MIRNATIUS, hands-down my favourite POV in the book. How does he get on after demon loses his hold on him? What kind of person he is on his own? I’d like to think he doesn’t lose all his edges, and perhaps gets high-headed and displaced now that his mind is vacated off its demonic freeloader, and there is a quest for find his own place in the new reality, before he can be that dramatic artistic bisexual with no interest in statecraft that Irina gleamed in him.

How do the power dynamics between them change, and how much of that stays the same? Is there any genuine love to be found between them, eventually? (The answer doesn’t have to be yes – for all that they are the same species, I tend to think their circumstances are more complicated than Miryem and the Staryk’s, and less forgiving.)

IN OTHER LANDS: Luke Sunborn

Elliot is a spectacular narrator. Novel-shaped case in point: In Other Lands.

Having said that, what I really, really want to see is a story that makes Luke a narrator, or otherwise puts him at the center. I have it on good authority that he makes one fucking adorable narrator (novella-shaped case in point: Wings in the Morning), but why stop there, right?

Luke/Elliot, either post-canon or slightly amending canon, is always a delight. Luke crushing on Elliot for years in a resigned, semi-unaware (or aware!) manner - he gives Elliot Dale’s name only as a distraction, to get Elliot off his back, and watches with horrified eyes how every member of his family is suddenly out there to set him up with the wrong boy! Luke handling the thought of Elliot the boyfriend with awkwardness unbefitting a Trigon champion (granted, Elliot is kinda more prickly than an average glass ball). Luke having 110% confidence in Elliot and admiring him sass people into submission from the sidelines.

A look at Luke’s friendship with Serene - completely compatible with Luke forever crushing on Elliot, just saying ^^. I suspect lack of Elliot’s Serene goggles could do marvels to building nuance to her character: a little less emphasis on gender-reversed dudebro comedy, a little more of someone who is clever enough to balance multiple things, connect the dots, and learn, and stand by what she believes is right.

Competence kinkkk. Forever admiring the bookish people, refusing to stop trying to catch up, and zero time spent being conceited about own achievements while fully embracing his role of a champion and defender - that’s the Luke I love <3 Luke’s brand of leadership & charisma - an introverted champion, well-loved by people and easily tired of company of not his people.

Figuring out life after graduation! Casefic of them solving a mystery and preventing a war breakout! Getting assignments and storming the castles! Building cross-cultural competence by throwing Elliot at new people and watching him sign up new pen friends and treaties!

Sunborn family fic! A holiday get together? Drunken exchange of family stories? Another terrible competition that Elliot boycotts? Rachel reading Luke’s letters from year one and with great amusement observing the progression of his “THAT ELLIOT” feelings. (I would so die to read an epistolary fic that documents Luke’s Elliot problems) God I love the Sunborns, especially Rachel <3

I’m not particularly fond of Dale, on understanding that he got enough screentime already, so I’d be grateful if you didn’t center the fic around him. Obviously no objections to him as part of class ensemble, whose names Luke continuously fails to remember.

If you are writing a Luke/Elliot shipfic (which is a prospect I would whole-heartedly welcome!), just a note to say that I don’t get particular kicks out of wingfic poetics. I mean, I’m alright with that as part of the “golden and beautiful” package and acknowledgement that Elliot sure gets his kick out of them, but I personally find wings-as-harpy legacy and associated emotional baggage/pragmatism mix Luke feels on the subject more interesting to investigate. All the rest of their ship chemistry is very much welcome, in whatever proportion you enjoy doing it most.

 THUNDERBOLT FANTASY: Rin Setsua; Sho Fukan

I LOVE THIS SELF INDULGENT WUXIA NONSENSE AND I CANNOT LIE! 

If you had told me a year ago that I would commit a definitely not-insignifiant amounts of emotional investment into a Taiwanese puppet show written by Urobutcher, I’d have laughed in your face. I am so glad my lovely friends know me better than I do, and tied me to a chair long enough to show me the first few episodes, and smugly watched me breeze through two seasons and a movie of this tropey goodness. 

Sanfan is a mixture UTTER GLEE and deep fondness for the genre staples, self-aware and masterful playthrough of all the wuxia tropes in the book, and one goddamn well-constructed story. It plays the tropes straight, calls them out with a knowing wink, walks the tightrope between the two with panache, and just as you are relaxed and enjoying this trapeze show, it grins cheekily at you, sets the discoball on fire and pulls a bunny out of a hat.  It’s DELIGHTFUL and fun and lovingly crafted, just like a good passion project should be.

I want anything that capitalizes on the absolutely hilarious dynamics between Rin Setsua and Sho Fukan (and while personally I end up using the Japanese versions of their names more often, please feel free to go with the Chinese names if you prefer). Sho Fukan does not want any of those heroic quests, he’s the human equivalent of been there, done that mood, and he just wants to REST and hopefully dump a bunch of magical murderswords someplace safe. Rin Setsua is a Totally Respectable and Non-Villainous Member of Society, of which he will inform you firsthand in the most high spoken and verbose way possible, and maybe even produce paperwork that has definitely not been tampered with. He harbours no ulterior motives, ever, and does not trail behind Sho Fukan for any reason beyond the pleasure of his company, and his mission to personally victimize and cockblock every morally derelict villain in two countries, by no-one’s request. 

Whether you go shipfic (yiss!) or canon levels teamup circus (also yiss!), don’t hold back your horses. Everything about this is Extra, and should continue to be so <3 

GRASSHOPPER JUNGLE: Robby Brees

Do you ever, like, read an insanely cyclical, epic zombie apocalypse book that is probably narrated from the rubbles of the fallen fourth wall, and walk away softly clutching at your heart, whispering “Oh Robby”?

I sure did.

I mean, I definitely loved all the obsessive, crazy, cyclical shit the book did. It’s a trip and a half! Austin is a hilarious guide to the crazyland of zombie apocalypse and multiple identity crises, and I enjoyed him tremendously. If you want to dabble in recreating that, I’ll happily read it! But my heart longs to answer some important questions like, Will Robby Ever Get Appreciation He Deserves, Do They Get Laid, and most importantly, What The Fuck Happened That Night When They Got Drunk and Shit Got Transcendental. (I feel it in my heart of hearts that their dicks must have, or at least should have, touched.)

Play however you like with it -- coda, AU, fixit, crack (oh god, if there was a canon that was borderline crack itself), futurefic -- I’m gonna look forward to any and all permutations.

A note to say that I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards Shann! My primary urge is to coddle and adore Robby, and I leave it up to you to negotiate the hows and whys :) 

FWIW, I have a copy of Exile from Eden on my hands, but haven’t cracked it open yet. It’s entirely up to you if you want to include whatever is in there: I’m going to be pleased with just GJ material as is! If I do read Exile anytime soon, and if it significantly changes my views on the subject, I’ll add a note to that effect.

[popliar]

junghope fic links

disclaimer - this is all a bit random, I bookmark so many things and sometimes I don’t remember what I actually thought about them… But they are all readable and worth a click imo.

other posts: fic links

Something About You - poltaeroid Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook likes things that shine. Hoseok is definitely one of those things." sweet college au. 5900 words.

for you i would cross the line - starbrigid Hoseok/Jungkook. "'I've had a crush on you since before we debuted, but I've only just realized I'm in love with you.' The one and only J-Hope has acquired a secret admirer in BTS. He's in London, and it's time to play Sherlock Holmes. ...It goes about as well as one might expect." I thought the characterisation was all really good except for the sex scene which was too hard stan for me lol, but ymmv. 9600 words.

Two, Then Two - bambambams (phanjessmagoria)  Hoseok/Jungkook, Jimin/Seokjin, Hoseok/Jungkook/Jimin/Seokjin. "“It’s not anything against you—” Jungkook said, tone flat. “Except it is, though?” Hoseok replied, and he could tell his voice was still edging on angry instead of how he really felt, which was hurt. “You want to try swinging.” “Ok, don’t call it swinging? It makes you sound like a 45-year-old married white guy.” “Well that’s what it is.” “That’s what it is, but just don’t call it that.” (That's exactly what it is. And it's exactly what happens.)"  the focus is junghope. 15,500 words.

petals and thorns - ffairyy  Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook shares a tiny apartment with his best friend and muse Hoseok. But Jungkook also has to share his muse with another artist." Hobi and Tae are fuckbuddies and JK is jealous. 6600 words.

twitter au Hoseok/Jungkook. "hopekook/junghope au where jungkook freaks out about hoseok all the time and the rest of bangtan is just there to watch him crash and burn"

your favourite worst nightmare - deuxoiseaux Hoseok/Jungkook. ""Hey," [Jungkook] says, in as comforting a voice as he can muster. He's a bit raspy from groaning and screaming all day, but he makes an attempt, at least. "Hey, it's okay. You lost your friends? Did you get separated?" ... The man nods miserably. or the one where jungkook works as a zombie in a haunted house at an amusement park and accidentally scares the pants off hoseok" 4700 words in 3 chapters but appears to be updating every now and then.

at least i got you in my head - ameliabedelias Hoseok/Jungkook. "But that was Hoseok for you. The living embodiment of Really Cool Hyung. The one person who did everything with ease and put everyone around him at ease. In other words, the perfect person to practice kissing with. //  (Or, Jeongguk asks Hoseok for kissing lessons and It's All Downhill From There.)" perfect. 8700 words.

grand pianos crash together - pearl_o Hoseok/Jungkook. "The search results for "how to romantic" aren't very helpful, but Hoseok's gonna do his best anyway." Very very sweet. 5000 words.

Born to Run and Built to Last - theskipper Hoseok/Jungkook. "The best way to get over his crush on Hoseok would be to befriend him. Sure, they were friendly, but that was different from being a friend. He was friends with Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung, and he didn’t want to pin them against the wall and lick a line down their chest." JK has been in love with dance trainer Hobi since he was a trainee. 29,700 words.

a hopeful kind of dance - ffairyy Hoseok/Jungkook. "When Jungkook joins the dance studio, Hoseok takes him under his wing the way he does with everyone who's new." 4500 words.

drip drop - momentsinlove Hoseok/Jungkook. "“So um. What did you mean the other night when you said Hoseok would love an alpha like me?” Jimin looks up from stretching, a wicked grin slowly appearing on his face and Jungkook knows this won’t end well. “Let’s just say he likes his alphas a little more docile. Obedient.” Jungkook wants to protest that no, he’s not like that, but then he thinks about his own jerk off fantasies and he knows he’d only be lying to Jimin and himself. He likes the idea of being told what to do, he likes he thought of focusing his efforts on pleasing his partner. He wants to be good, god he wants to take care of his omega in every way possible. or alpha jungkook wants to be babied a little and omega hobi is more than happy to do that." 7500 words.

not a booty call - ffairyy Hoseok/Jungkook. "They’re still themselves, still friends, still all those things they need to be during the day.Right now, they're also a little in love." 3700 words.

your love is bright as ever - brightlight Hoseok/Jungkook. "It shouldn’t be a big deal. So Jungkook’s family didn’t seem particularly crazy about him — is that the end of the world? (Maybe, his brain supplies traitorously.) ++  Hoseok gets worried, Jungkook eases his mind, and Hoseok decides to put his energy into more important things (namely, using some of the first free time he's had in weeks to kiss his boyfriend instead of overthinking.)" sweet. 5300 words.

touch, my love. touch my heart. - jellyfishes Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hi guys,” Hoseok says, voice loud in Jeongguk’s left ear as he whispers into the microphone. “It’s me, your hope.” The voice is in his right ear this time. Jeongguk’s toes curl as his scalp tingles pleasantly." hobi does ASMR. 9000 words.

You're Beautiful And Sick, Like Me - nunu_noodles  Hoseok/Jungkook. "He closes his eyes tight and tries not to think of the desperate man locked in that little room with his dark, dark eyes. Hoseok hugs Jimin close and makes a wish hinging on years of fear that this was going to be goodbye. Love me. Stay with me forever. Love me. His Revelation is too new, roaring in his blood like a flash flood, pounding in his ears. The sensations are too new - he thinks his newly made wall is safe and secure. He doesn’t understand what it is when his body obeys his wish and pours it down into Jimin, doing all it can to make the wish come true." really liked the way each person manifested powers and the slowburn pine from Jungkook. the sequel has hoseok/jungkook/jimin. it’s got a distinctly dark edge to the worldbuilding and some choices the characters make, if you’re into that then this is ambitious and great. 51,600 words.

on the edge - mysoulrunswithwolves   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok is the reigning US wakeboarding champion, unrivaled in the sport. Jeongguk is his biggest competitor, if only Hoseok had any idea who he was" 15,000 words.

In Fear and Faith - im_your_hope Hoseok/Jungkook. "It's hard to shake something that is already under your skin." showers and bed sharing. 4800 words.

From The Moment The Lights Went Out - myadamantiumheart Hoseok/Jungkook. "The wolf comes to his door at night, and Jungkook always lets him in. He shouldn’t, he knows he shouldn’t. But he always opens the door- the balcony door, where Hoseok appears with his grin glowing in the moonlight, like the Cheshire Cat leading Alice further into the forest. Jungkook wonders if Hoseok really likes him, or whether he just likes the fact that Jungkook will let him in, feed him, and then let him fuck Jungkook into the mattress." Trans JK. Hobi is secretly a vigilante. 9100 words.

spring and, by summer, fall - bizzanus Hoseok/Jungkook. "The new tightrope apprentice looks at Hoseok like he's made of stars." very good circus au. 28,100 words.

Like Snow, Like White Ashes - ashardoffreedom Hoseok/Jungkook. "“I’m not sure if there’s an easy fix.” Do you want me to help you fix it? Jungkook looks up at the ceiling. It’s very white. It’s very pure. “Hyung, maybe you’re not supposed to.”" jk comes to terms with being asexual. 4500 words.

of white lies and autumn leaves - ffairyy Jungkook/Hoseok. "“Fuck that,” Jungkook slurs. “I’m not less grown up just because I haven’t had a relationship yet. Right Hyung? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make me uncool.” or the pretend dating fic where the boys make fun of Jungkook for being inexperienced and Hoseok jumps to his defense" VERY SWEET 34,000 words.

Perfect Ten - bugarungus Hoseok/Jungkook. "If Jeongguk can bowl a perfect game, he wins twice." Cute! 2500 words.

Wake - AlixSkyeDawg Taehyung/Seokjin, Namjoon/Jimin, Jungkook/Hoseok. "Hoseok was close, close enough for Jungkook to admire the shape of his face, the smoothness of his skin, the thick fringe of lashes along his cheeks, his lips, slightly parted and far too inviting. Before he could think about it too much, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Hoseok’s." island holiday soap opera! 72,100 words.

It's Time to Love You - eightninetwo   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok's fine with his life, all things considered. What he's not fine with, is the reappearance of that one almost-boyfriend who certainly looks More Than Fine right now." oh no he's hot. 7300 words.

i'm smiling, he's living, he's golden - Chlexcer Hoseok/Jungkook. "They are the base of a mountain. A fucking mountain. Now, Hoseok enjoys nature. He likes parks and he loves the beach; he likes playing on the snow, and he loves flowers. But mountains? Not his cup of tea, exactly. (Throw Jungkook into the mix, and it's a whole different story.)" 5400 words.

share my life (it's yours to keep) - momentsinlove Jungkook/Hoseok. ""You know, maybe we should just get married," Hoseok says. Jungkook nearly chokes on his water that he's got to his lips and in his his haste to put it down he bangs his knee on the underside of the table. When he looks at Hoseok with wide eyes, Hoseok is staring with a smirk on his face, chin propped up in his hand. Jungkook realizes that Hoseok is joking of course, no one in their right mind is going to marry someone after two hook ups (even ones that were mind numbingly good) and one date. Except when Jungkook sort of thinks about it, the idea of marrying someone, anyone, has his heart skipping a beat or the ridiculously long fic where Hoseok and Jungkook fuck a lot and are super romantic. All they wanna do is get married." conflict free but very readable. 13,700 words.

One in a Million - momentsinlove   Hoseok/Jungkook. "In fact it's nice when Jungkook ends up in Hoseok's bed. Hoseok won't say he gets lonely easily but it's been tough ever since Jimin officially moved out. They'd sometimes just lay in each's other bed, watching a movie or talk about their day and Hoseok misses that. Jungkook does a good job of filling in when he stays over, always ready for a good cuddle session and he's so fucking clingy but Hoseok loves it, adores the way Jungkook clings to him like a koala. It's not even sexual either. They've never fooled around despite their closeness and when Jin asks, Hoseok is honest in saying no, they've never fucked, never even jerked each other off. Jin looks at him like he's lying but it's the truth. Even though he's an alpha and Jungkook's an omega they have never been around each other during their heats and ruts so it's never been something Hoseok has had to think about. or Jungkook shares Hoseok's bed more often than not and realizes that maybe they are meant to be mates" a/b/o. 10,100 words.

the stars are brightly shining - monbon Hoseok/Jungkook, preslash. "Sometimes Christmas doesn't go the way you expected. And sometimes that's alright. or, Hoseok always spends winter break on campus. This time, Jeongguk joins him." 5300 words.

Blanket Kick - nunu_noodles Hoseok/Jungkook. "It takes 2 hours and 40 minutes for the train from Busan to get to Seoul Which means Jeongguk is going to meet his online boyfriend in 2 hours and 40 minutes Time moves both too slowly, and far, far too quickly He checks the time quickly. 15 minutes to go. Holy shit. Holy. Shit." 34,700 words.

where the light can't reach - undercoverjikooks Hoseok/Jungkook. "Sometimes he would cry for no reason on his bed at two in the morning because his heart felt empty in certain corners, like the light of all of the good things in his life couldn’t reach quite far enough to fill those dark places. or, alternatively, Hoseok is scared of contentment." Hoseok stays at Jungkook's b&b, and they fall in love. 9600 words.

One Fear - Jajungmyeon Jungkook/Hoseok. "Good-looking men did not scare Jeongguk. They... overwhelmed him... with their daring beauty. They brought out the boy in Jeongguk. And Jeongguk was not a boy. He was a man who had a job and paid taxes. He was a whole grown up. Well, not as grown up as Yoongi who could clean his bathroom without dry-heaving once (but that was because he was on a completely different level, a grownup- old man edition). Jeongguk had not made it through college and student loans and paychecks to regress to boyhood simply because a gorgeous male looked his way." very readable tho i mean there's some workplace bullying. 4300 words.

i never felt nothing like that, looking at you looking right back - jellyfishes   Hoseok/Jungkook. "“Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t look good on you. Jeonggukie is an innocent baby.” Hoseok’s smile widens. Jimin jabs a finger into his chest. “You stay away from him, hyung.” “He’s so cute, though,” Hoseok whines, and he’s grinning now. “Jimin, you know I can’t resist it when they’re cute.” or, hoseok likes cute boys, and jeongguk is very cute. jimin probably never should have introduced them." cute. 9300 words.

you got me catching feelings - momentsinlove Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jungkook and Hoseok decide to hook up as just bros until they start to catch feelings." soft and porny. 10,000 words.

blue flame special - nonheather   Hoseok/Jungkook. "hoseok just got dumped and now a clearly under aged bartender is refusing to serve him a much needed round of shots. ("can you do this teenage angst thing some other time? my ex just walked in with his new boyfriend and i could really use some liquid cowardice." the kid narrows his eyes in the direction hoseok had nodded toward. "seokjin hyung's your ex?") hoseok nods. "you know him?" "yeah," jeongguk glares at hoseok and begins stepping away, definitely refusing to serve him any drink at all. "he dumped me for you.")" this is a melodrama with all the ups and downs and twists and turns, but it's riveting and addictive in that way too. cw for jin's past (abuse). 106,300 words.

Serendipity - redhowler Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok is an architect with an eye for art and Jungkook has a masterpiece painted on his back." 8000 words.

a hold on me - CaptainButts Jungkook/Hoseok. "hoseok moves into a new neighborhood, meets his questionable neighbors, and rekindles an old love." 13,000 words.

pas de deux - peachtae   Jungkook/Hoseok. "dancing with jungkook has always come naturally to hoseok." from childhood to old age. 7700 words.

Tryna Count Me Out - freelancejouster   Jungkook/Hoseok. "Who even does that? Just — just goes around kissing random strangers? And okay, maybe it was to save him from looking like a fool in front of an entire stadium of people, and maybe he liked it a little bit too much, but was Hoseok going to admit that? Not likely.(Aka Hoseok gets kissed by a cute stranger on the kiss cam and can’t get the memory of vanilla Chapstick and soft lips out of his mind.)" 5000 words.

there's a galaxy between you and me - venenumm Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jung Hoseok, best ship pilot in Seoul, hell, in Korea. Together with his exceptional crew, they travel the stars, gathering and delivering goods for clients. But they always return home, always back to Seoul. And Jung Hoseok's fate drops into his lap in Seoul, aptly named Jeon Jungkook. or space pilot jung hoseok meets android jeon jungkook and things happen." 5700 words.

tryna act nice (boy your cover's blown) - blvesey Hoseok/Jungkook. "jeongguk smells like a whore, but he isn't one. hoseok looks like an asshole, and he absolutely is. but he's nothing if not a good sportsman, and so he's always willing to reward effort." street racing au. 6400 words.

Mountain Dew Me? - ecrivantkazl Hoseok/Jungkook. "“Pop my cherry?” No hello, no customer service smile, not even a what can I get you? His tone is even, eyes wide and growing wider, and he is about two seconds from swallowing his whole entire body head first. He should have stayed in bed this morning. "Pardon...me?"" bartender au. 4600 words.

The Moment I Met You - lonelyonion Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook has a newfound fascination with the idea of marriage, but it seems like his boyfriend of six years, Jung Hoseok, does not share in his fascination. Or, Jungkook kinda wants to be a married man, but somehow things are going a little differently than he'd hoped." 4700 words.

Call Me Baby - MarionetteFtHJM Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook was a badass dude. He was a leather-wearing, motorcycle-riding, no-nonsense-attitude dude. There was absolutely no reason for him to be acting like a damn blushing virgin. Especially around Jung Hoseok, the dude of his dreams- not that he’d ever tell him that, no sir-e." 3200 words.

stitch me up (you're so pretty) - jjks   Jungkook/Hoseok. "“Embroidery,” Jeongguk repeats. “I’m gonna join an embroidery class,” his voice trails off a little at the end, losing some of its vigor and quieting down when he realises it’s stupid. So stupid. Even stupider when spoken out loud." 10,200 words.

A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing - blimpish   Jungkook/Hoseok. "When Jeongguk decides it's time to live out his fantasy of being knotted, he determines that Hoseok is the best (read: least awful) candidate for the job." a/b/o and dancer au. does interesting things with the trope. also, hot. 35,000 words.

Gotta Hand It to You - freelancejouster   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok was trying to think of living by himself as an adventure, a new experience, something to look forward too. He hadn't thought it'd be like this." maknae line are neighbours. Hoseok has a crush. 19,000 words.

F is for Figure It Out, Kiddo - exfatamorgana   Jungkook/Hoseok. “Crying and Pining and Growing the Fuck Up: A Life-story in Stages” childhood friends who eventually become something more in late 20s. 10,400 words.

to the places you will be from - krisssy   Jungkook/Hoseok. "jungkook accidentally adds hoseok on snapchat" Cute. 4300 words.

The First and, Hopefully, the Last - wingedseok Jungkook/Hoseok. "Hoseok is seventeen years old, has known Jeongguk ever since the bunny-looking kid was born, and he has never been kissed. Luckily, his dongsaeng knows exactly what to do." 2000 words.

DOES/DOES NOT - Jajungmyeon   Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jeongguk thinks Hoseok likes him. Hoseok thinks Jeongguk does not like him. They are both wrong and get yelled at by Yoongi." fun story about 'does hyung really like me or is it just his normal skinship.' if you roll with the jk characterisation, this is so fun, 20,000 words.

Bloodflows - mnsg   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Sharing a bath at 3AM with all 178cm of Jeon Jeongguk is at least one of Hoseok's ideas of torture." 2200 words.

On My Life (I Swear) - Sevensoulmates  Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok had no idea what he got himself into when he befriended a random stranger that day on the street. He hadn't thought anything of it, even though it kind of was a bit of an unusal circumstance. Still, how was he to know that the boy was the President's Son, the most hidden and protected person in all of the country? Not until the day he walks into his new job as a bodyguard and gets chained to the boy himself does he realize that things are about to get a little fucked up." a big long soapy bodyguard AU. 113,100 words.

bone + tissue - minsfw Jungkook/Hoseok. "jungkook is a student of photography; hoseok has really soft lips." This is good. 10,400 words.

Dance With Me, Hyung - TheHalesNyx   Jungkook/Hoseok. "Kook convinces Hobi to take him along when he goes out dancing one night. Must include: "Are you drunk?"" 11,400 words.

eventually - yoogni Jungkook/Hoseok. "jeongguk turns his head to see someone who is almost definitely the most attractive person he's ever seen. his hair is soft, his eyes are bright, and his smile is somehow heart-shaped. not to get ahead of himself, but jeongguk is very possibly in love." Jungkook is really really shy. 5500 words

one shot (is all i need) - kaythebest Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jungkook wants to be a bartender. If he wants anything else, well, that's just a bonus." 6300 words.

these spaces between infinities - astringxnt Jungkook/Hoseok. "because the truth is that we're always finding sanctuary in unfamiliar places, trying to caress warmth into fires." Fwb, Jk takes Hoseok home for the holidays. 9000 words.

come across the kitchen to me - Acavall Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jungkook is jealous. Jungkook has no right to be jealous. Jungkook is an idiot. In which Jungkook and Hoseok are roommates and Jungkook wishes they were more." 3000 words.

bored stiff (out of my brains) - loafers Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook gets bored. The devil finds work for idle hands." PWP. 3800 words.

another life - Acavall Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook and Hoseok talk alternate realities amidst fake kitchens. JungHope fluff from the day they went to Ikea in Sweden and then nearly got arrested for setting off the fire alarm." sweet. 2700 words.

Fall and Recover - exfatamorgana Jungkook/Hoseok. "Behind closed doors and in foggy mirrors, Jeongguk and Hoseok learn that sometimes, falling together is just as easy as falling apart. And it's so much nicer. i.e. in which they're both dance majors and Hoseok is the TA for Jeongguk's performance workshop." 75,100 words. Also has a sequel, 150,000 words.

all the world's noise - astringxnt Jungkook/Hoseok. "in between late night dance practices and Thursday study dates, Jungkook lets Hoseok teach him that love doesn’t have to be loud to be real." 7400 words.

vagabonds' chaos theory - astringxnt Jungkook/Hoseok. Secret agents au. Hoseok is Jungkook's mentor. 7300 words.

Lionheart - nivo Jeongguk/Hoseok. "The problem is simple, really: Jeongguk is cool, and Hoseok is... Hoseok." Hoseok decides he must bungee jump bc he's insecure about their relationship. This is adorable. 2000 words.

New Romantics - nivo Hoseok/Jeongguk. "Music majors know what romance is all about. (Jeon Jeongguk is not a music major. Neither is Jung Hoseok.)"  2800 words.

threesomes

2/2/3 - cobbleles Hoseok/Namjoon/Jungkook. "There is plenty of fish in the sea, two and two and three. Or: Hoseok wants to see other people and Namjoon agrees. Prompt - Secret Relationship." they're in an open relationship and both are dating jk, all three are dumb. 9900 words.

namkookhope au  Namjoon/Hoseok/Jungkook. "NAMKOOKHOPE AU 💕 jungkook is looking for something casual, he signs up to tinder & meets namjoon. he’s in an open relationship and not looking for anything srs. so it’s fine if he starts sleeping w his dance teacher jhope too, right? what could go wrong?"

playing for your heart - umji   Jungkook/Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jungkook should have known something was up from the way they were acting, they had been unusually quiet all night, sharing looks across the room when they thought he was caught up in his game. He didn’t quite know what he was expecting them to say - maybe they were going to elope? That seemed like something the pair of them would do - but he was certainly not expecting them to tell him they had signed him up for a dating game show."  17,100 words.

Harmless - Untested_Waters Hoseok/Jungkook/Taehyung. "Jungkook is fine, really. He doesn’t need Taehyung and Hoseok’s help. Except for the fact that he is absolutely not fine and really, really needs Taehyung and Hoseok’s help." Porn. 11,000 words.

Gushing Gold - syubology Hoseok/Taehyung/Jungkook. "Hoseok watches them, can see them through the opaque material, Taehyung's fingers tracing over the dark lines and swirls inked into Jungkook’s skin. His own hand resting where it fell onto the youngest's thigh doesn’t feel so chill all of a sudden when he takes a moment to think about where they are, what they’re doing, how it would look to an outsider: the three of them snuggled close, tangled limbs and heavy eyes and fingers sneaking under clothes. He tries not to think like that too often – how it looks, how it feels, how easy it’d be to poke at the boundaries, to be just as curious and daring as Kim Taehyung’s stunning fingers – but there’s something different in the air tonight." PWP. 19,900 words.

We Float - Icicles Hoseok/Jungkook/Yoongi. "Jungkook’s gaze on them is searing. She can feel his dick growing harder against the side of her thigh as he watches them. It’s good. It’s all good. It’s a lot. Just like a good distraction should be. OR Jungkook and Hoseok get sad watching Titanic. Yoonji is always a little sad these days. They try to find comfort together." 5900 words.

An Experiment in Threesomes - Only_A_Fangirl   Hoseok/Jungkook/Yoongi. "Still. What does he have to lose? He’ll just tell them about his problem, like a proper dongsaeng to his hyungs, and maybe they’ll have a solution. And maybe that solution will be to have sex with him. Probably not. But maybe. So, he won’t just say ‘I want you to take my virginity’, he’ll just hope that they offer. He might also lose just a little bit of his dignity, but not much, because he’s sure they won’t make fun of him. Or, the tale of Jeongguk's virginity loss to Hoseok and Yoongi." it does have an open ending - but it's pretty great. 37,600 words.

and i'll smile upon you too - pearl_o   Hoseok/Yoongi/Jungkook. ""what is going on right now?" yoongi says, still staring at hoseok. "i'm trying to communicate with you! like adults!" hoseok says. "you're doing a really bad job," says yoongi. "how did you picture this conversation going?" hoseok slumps until he's half lying down, letting his legs hanging over the edge of the mattress. "i was gonna tell you that i love you and that i want you to be happy and that i could be happy even if it meant...you know. sharing."" sweet! 5900 words.

Finer Than The Fine Arts - anonymousloris   Hoseok/Yoongi/Jungkook. "Regardless, Hoseok and Yoongi had been best friends since they started college, and potentially for many years to come. If anything, it should be fun to have a blow off class together their senior year. Just one little fine arts class to graduate. An easy-peasy Photography 101. No heavy clouds on the sunny, blue horizon. That was, until they turned the corner and stepped into the classroom, their eyes landing on a tall, dark, and very handsome looking freshman sitting in the front row. They looked at each other and in unison said, "Dibs."" 9200 words.

put my favourite record on - umji   Yoongi/Hoseok/Jungkook. "Yoongi never should have mentioned (admittedly he was drunk at the time so it was less in casual conversation and more of a secret confession that he’d whispered to Hoseok whilst he had been sat under the kitchen table) that he had a weakness for cute boys and great singing voices and cute boys with great singing voices." 7400 words.

Untraditional - TheHalesNyx Yoongi/Hoseok/Jungkook. "they're in this rare kind of alpha/beta/omega relationship but it's still super cute. Their different personalities work together perfectly but then omega Kookie's heat hits for the first time, since he didn't use suppressants for the first time." Yoongi and Hoseok are alphas, Jungkook is an omega. 14,100 words.

[grindst0ne-blog1]

UNIVERSAL ADDRESS (001)

If you are making art to be liked, loved, or perhaps to become the most globally adored, hang it up. If you are making art to be understood, or create change, then I suggest that you  humbly accept the task of becoming the spark that inspires the next chapter of the resistance. Shit is particularly fucked, and everyday I find out that an artist who's career I admired had been connected with the right people from the conception of their career, dashing the barely-there hope that the system is not lottery based and oligarchic. Finding out that coveted credit is due is the worst. For me, it is almost worse for people to be generally okay with it more and more as time goes on, as more and more influential entities are exposed as tools or hollower vessels than implied. It seems to be out of fear that people wait for the reaction of the celebrity they've worshipped to gauge how they feel about them being exposed as much worse or even contradictorily to what they portray. People do this unless they can't hear their fave's defense over the consensus, selective outrage of the masses who all watch the same shows on the same streaming services, listen to the same music from one of three different radio stations targeted to their demographic in the area, and feel one of two or so ways about the same politicians. When the choice of what is actually acceptable is not a person's to make anymore, they as well as their actions are much more easily manipulated, or at the very least deeply influenced by what flatters or threatens them; Especially that which fits the mold of something they have always wanted to have or become. I struggle to break free of this conditioning and behavior of the sort still. So many of us are conditioned to follow leads. So many of us are taught to do what we're told, pressured to like what is served to us from the moment we can understand language. We are taught to be liked and non retaliative. In this depravity, we grow accustomed to enduring inhumane durations of spiritual understimulation, compensating for our emotional starvation and imbalances with chosen personas and feeds on the internet. A certain addiction to novelty has now reached full power, destroying our attention spans & damming our ability to identify & connect with not only our true selves within, but anything else that we experience unless it is in accordance with the rules. We've been desensitized to natural stimulation, and have now become dependent on either sex, violence, or feigned champions of prudence to get a rise or even a brief breath of identity out of ourselves. The tides of robophilia jokes and technological innovations that we partake in as a unit are of no coincidence. We ingest far more digital text a day than we hear eachother's voices! What do you think our palettes are more accustomed to now, digital or physical interactions? Think of how many people are isolated, daily. In homes full of people, segregated by room, gender, and level of income. In each of those rooms occupied by a person all alone is either a televison, laptop, or phone if not all three. On all three of those devices, carefully and intentionally chosen programs are remotely chosen from. Commercials are presented based on the person's previous browsing history or choice of channel, each one catered to a spectrumized effort of making  you feel like you are just missing the FUCK out on something that you damn sure do not get everyday, or at least don't have today. Things that cost and utilize so much more than what you were born having. The constant stream of beautiful, beautiful intangible things that you are subjected to in  coping with not having, especially and most intentionally during your isolation, are presented to you so that the insecurities derivative of this trauma develop an addiction to whatever fleeting moment of gratification you get by the time you can finally afford a sample of the soon to be obsolete issue. Celebrity [in] culture thrives because every now & then, an anomaly arises from their regional petri dish with the ability to differentiate their conditioning from their true self, thinking freely and therefore rebelliously in a consumer's world in which they are outnumbered; They stick out like a sore, bloody thumb; their wounds from the trauma of being an independent thinker squeezed as their beauty and uniqueness ooze out until their death, drenching all who are in earshot of the industry's ultra-persuasive siren in the aforementioned blood, and no one can tell who is a celebrity or not, wannabes who strive to be included bathe in the blood shed from authenticity past, as the addiction to the blood worship persists! Insatiably, we still scour relentlessly for traces of real artistry, hoping to find tan needles in a world of haystacks, despite the omni-market making discernment impossible. We are so depraved of hope and competence due to this, that we’ll fuck around, elect Oprah after Trump!  The golden era for consumption never ends in a capitalist system. if u can't buy it you're going to it, you'll get it 1way or another. At best we can compare the quality of music from one period to another, but no era is void of the control system. Maybe there was a time of global solidarity that pre-dates slavery in which merchants and artists shared the goal of every citizen on earth having access to what they felt was the art that transcended superficiality and language. There never was a time of global prosperity, or a time void of industrial corruption. That's just the winners selling you the dream that they didn't scout & steal talent/ideas, concepts, or capitalize on others to be in position to tell you otherwise; selling you the dream that you can work hard and cover the ground that someone directly connected in to someone in power person inherits. Upward mobility is the appetizing falsehood that prepares you for a lifetime's serving of unjust compromise to your masters. We have to reject the notions that we are living in a desegregated world with equal opportunity. We are living on a planet that is under the control of a few companies focused on making sure we never reclaim our earth, freedom, liberty, and true connection to the universe and the hereafter.

- SIR E.U

[koryu-kyudokan]

“I ASPIRE TO INSPIRE BEFORE I EXPIRE”..

The above quote is by the exceptional Hanshi Tino Ceberano and I wholeheartedly agree and aspire to do the same..

Since joining all the social media formats I have used them to share both my thoughts on the Martial Arts and the journey of our dojo’s study, Michi or path..

Along the way I have been fortunate to inspire others to follow in our way, both exactly as we are doing and adapting our way to suit there own needs, and that is exactly what I want, you see because my ultimate goal isn’t financial or egotistical gain ( sadly that’s mostly what I see in the martial arts world these days) it is my reward for my constant study and training when I/we inspire others to do the same, I would certainly not start bleeting that I am being copied or that someone is doing the same as me but repackaging it... of coarse if my end goal was financial gain then yes I would have something to say as it would be taking ‘business’ away from me, BUT my goal certainly isn’t that so I wouldn’t !!!!

And to be honest if I didn’t want my way to be taken on board and become part of others studies then I simply wouldn’t put it out there in the first place...

I would keep my way secret along with my Ego..

When Sensei was alive he used to have me plan and implement certain things he wanted to be put in place and always and I mean ALWAYS financial gain was the last thing on his mind, in fact he used to say to me that “people will be very sceptical and suspicious of our way as we give expecting nothing in return”

I didn’t used to understand what he meant but I do now..

The amount of so called martial artist that are only in the arts for what it can give them either financially or egotistical makes me quite sad, everywhere you look you see people charging unreal amounts of money to share in there way or little cliques of so called martial artist getting together to pat each other on the back and either give each other awards or quite senior ranks !!!

I am so honoured to have in my very small circle genuine martial artist whom are simply in the arts to develop both themselves and there students martial knowledge regardless of style or rank..

My question is this “ what comes after them ???? What kind of students will they develop and ultimately turn out, sadly they don’t realise they are killing the arts by bastardising them NOW for there own selfish needs..

I am so glad that I choose my students very wisely ( not one of my students are egotistical or financially motivated) I am so grateful to have people around me who share in my Michi and even more grateful to have my Uchi Deshi Aaron to take forward the Koryu kyudokan way when my time is up...

Two weeks before Sensei past away he set me what would become my final study task with him, I strongly believe he knew his time was close as the task he set me was simply “ study Shibumi and tell me your thoughts” below is my answer I sent to him and I think it speaks for itself...

My whole intention is to try and keep his ways alive through my own dojo, students and by sharing what we do expecting nothing in return...

inspiring others to do the same is the only reward I desire...

and of coarse to improve both my own knowledge and skill set and passing that on to others....

Shibumi

Shibumi is a word that’s often heard in Japan. But because the Japanese language is so rich in subtle nuances that arise from a Zen-like life style, it’s a difficult word to pin down in English.

“Austere,” “subdued,” “restrained” are terms that come nearest. Going back to persimmons, shibui means sharp and penetrating. But it also implies an insightful, calm feeling.

SHIBUMI

The word shibumi is as tricky to define as is the word Zen. In the novel, Shibumi, by Trevanian (Rodney Whitaker), a key character claims that shibumi is an indescribable quality, something beyond words. It is understanding rather than knowledge. It is powerful silence. It is simplicity. It is spiritual tranquility. It is being with no thought of becoming.

Shibumi, like Zen awakening, is not something to be sought after or achieved. It comes naturally, or it doesn’t come at all. It’s a matter of soaring through knowledge and touching down at simplicity.

Shibumi has to do with spontaneity. It implies creative restraint.

Shibumi (simplicity)

Shibumi is a Japanese word meaning refined simplicity, simple elegance and quiet perfection. It is a highly prized quality that few Americans and Europeans understand or appreciate. Shibumi has nothing to do with the flashy, decorative beauty admired in the west but refers to a clean, simple, restrained sense of distinction, refinement and taste. Shimbumi is strict, thrifty and without tournament.

You can see shibumi in every facet of Japanese culture. It is reflected in the simplicity of Japanese art, calligraphy, rock gardens and modest décor of their homes. However, nowhere is shibumi more strongly reflected than in traditional martial arts of karate. You see the simple atmosphere of the dojo. The gi and emblem and the effectiveness of the classical techniques.

It is hard to find shibumi in modern Western karate. Today’s karate-ka wears flashy uniforms use showy gymnastic movements, flurries of techniques but they are not tastefully refined according to tradition. A simple perfectly executed, killing or disabling blow that was perfected over years of repetition has a special beauty in its effectiveness that is shibumi. Today tournament competitors wear colorful costumes with their large emblems and monograms. These modern and younger masters compete with each other for higher ranks even wider, multicolored, striped belts. Meanwhile the traditional sensei outshines them all in a plain, white unadorned gi with one emblem, bound by a simple worn out black belt. This is shibumi.

Warriors (samurai or serious traditional martial artists) pursue shibumi in and out of the dojo. They strive to find that essence of quality, simple and elegant, in everything they do.

Warriors walk quietly into crowded rooms but people are still aware of his presence. These people stand straight and project a confidence and posture from years of disciplined training. Their minds are alert to the people and surroundings due to zanshin training. They do not join in cliques because “they stand alone” but they recognize, respect and gravitate toward one another. Only warriors understand other warriors. (Only karate people understand karate people. Everybody else thinks we are crazy).

Warriors are never the life of the party. They do not like to draw attention by talking about themselves or their accomplishments. A true champion never boasts, they are humble. They are not interested in small talk and speak only when they have something meaningful to say. When they speak their voices are steady but not loud, confident but not arrogant, bold but not disrespectful. They shake your hand with a nice grip (but not painful). They look at you in the eyes, and you feel an energy you cannot describe. These people practice the traditional martial arts, the way and shibumi. These people keep dignity, sincerity, humility, etiquette, perfection and character alive in the society as well as in the arts.

Developing shibumi is a slow process for the westerner. It is taught in the east early in childhood. You cannot fake it; it must come naturally from years of training. It is a combination of intense physical, mental and spiritual training and you must consciously practice shibumi every day. Learn to avoid the kinds of behavior that make you foolish and be a man or women of substance. Do not only look good on the outside; it is the inside that counts (do not only be a model). Face reality and do not deny everything. Know your limitations as well as your potential (realistically). Do not make excuses, do not fake it if you do not know it. Act your age, do not be someone you are not.

Practice good posture to show confidence and leadership. Practice grace in your movements to show an expression of physical and spiritual power – the product of strength, coordination and perfect balance

[ryttu3k]

Full text of Zelda’s diary and research notes, and the King’s journal.

Zelda’s Diary

Page 1: After meeting with the Champions, I left to research the ancient technology, but nothing of note came of my research. The return of Ganon looms - a dark force taunting us from afar. I must learn all I can about the relics so we can stop him. If the fortune-teller's prophecy is to be believed, there isn't much time left... Ah, but turning over these thoughts in my head puts me ill at ease. I suppose I should turn in for the night. P.S. Tomorrow my father is assigning HIM as my appointed knight...

Page 2: I set out for Goron City today to make some adjustments to Divine Beast Vah Rudania. I still recall feeling his eyes on me as I walked ahead. The feeling stayed with me so long, I grew anxious and weary. It is the same feeling I've felt before in his company... And still, not a word passes his lips. I never know what he's thinking! It makes my imagination run wild, guessing at what he is thinking but will not say. What does the boy chosen by the sword that seals the darkness think of me? Will I ever truly know? Then, I suppose it's simple. A daughter of Hyrule's royal family yet unable to use sealing magic... He must despise me.

Page 3: I said something awful to him today... My research was going nowhere. I was feeling depressed, and had told him repeatedly not to accompany me. But he did anyway, as he always does, and so I yelled at him without restraint. He seemed confused by my anger. I feel terribly guilty... and that guilt only makes me more agitated than I was before.

Page 4: I am unsure how to put today's events into words. Words so often evade me lately, and now more than ever. He saved me. Without a thought for his own life, he protected me from the ruthless blades of the Yiga Clan. Though I've been cold to him all this time... taking my selfish and childish anger out on him at every turn... Still, he was there for me. I won't ever forget that. Tomorrow, I shall apologize for all that has transpired between us. And then... I will try talking to him. To Link. It's worth a shot.

Page 5: Bit by bit, I've gotten Link to open up to me. It turns out he's quite a glutton. He can't resist a delicious meal! When I finally got around to asking why he's so quiet all the time, I could tell it was difficult for him to say. But he did. With so much at stake, and so many eyes upon him, he feels it necessary to stay strong and to silently bear any burden. A feeling I know all too well... For him, it has caused him to stop outwardly expressing his thoughts and feelings. I always believed him to be simply a gifted person who had never faced a day of hardship. How wrong I was... Everyone has struggles that go unseen by the world... I was so absorbed with my own problems, I failed to see his. I wish to talk with him more and to see what lies beneath those calm waters, to hear him speak freely and openly... And perhaps I, too, will be able to bare my soul to him and share the demons that have plagued me all these years.

Page 6: Father scolded me again today. He told me I am to have nothing more to do with researching ancient technology. He insisted that I focus instead on training that will help me awaken my sealing magic. I was so frustrated and ashamed I could not even speak. I've been training since I was a child, and yet... Mother passed the year before my training was to begin. In losing her, I lost not just a mother, but a teacher. Mother used to smile and tell me, "Zelda, my love, all will be well in the end. You can do anything." But she was wrong. No matter how I try or how much time passes... the sealing power that is my birthright evades me. Tomorrow I journey with Link to the Spring of Power to train. But this, too, will end in failure. Such is my curse.

Page 7: I had a dream last night... In a place consumed by darkness, a lone woman gazed at me, haloed by blinding light. I sensed she was... not of this world. I don't know if she was a fairy or a goddess, but she was beautiful. Her lips spoke urgently, but her voice did not reach me. Would I have heard her if my power was awoken? Or was my dream simply a manifestation of my fears? I am sure I will know the answer soon, whether I wish to or not...

Page 8: I turned 17 today. This means this is the day I will finally be allowed to train at the Spring of Wisdom. When Link arrives, we will set out for Mount Lanayru. The other Champions will accompany us there. I have not seen my father since he last scolded me. Things are too strained now... I will meet with him when I return. ... Actually... I've had a horrible feeling ever since that weird dream. No one would believe a failure of a princess, but... Right now, for no particular reason, I am filled with a strange and terrible certainty that something awful is about to happen.

Zelda’s Research Notes

Page 1: Today I met with Impa of the Sheikah tribe and began my research into the ancient technology in earnest. Impa introduced me to Purah and Robbie, other respected members of her tribe. Tomorrow I embark on an excavation with them. We hope to find ancient tech with which to operate the Guidance Stones.

Page 2: Today we uncovered some ancient technology that we believe may have the power to control the Guidance Stone. It is a rectangular object, small enough to be held in my two hands. Sheikah text is featured prominently on it. It is made of an unknown material, but we believe it is the same as the shrines scattered across each region. Impa proposed that I hold on to it for now. I hope that it leads to some new developments in our research.

Page 3: The stone relic we discovered has been named. We are calling it the Sheikah Slate. We have not found any mention of a name for this object in the records we have unearthed so far... Nevertheless, Purah insisted we call it the Sheikah Slate, as the relic is a slate made by the Sheikah tribe. Feels a bit on the nose to me, but it was not a fight I thought I could win.

Page 4: We did it. We were finally able to restore some functionality to the Sheikah Slate. We have discovered that this stone slate is capable of producing... images. Perfect liknesses of the things you point it at. Unlike normal pictures drawn by hand, this requires no artist to capture anything in perfect detail. I deeply admire the accomplishments of Sheikah technology. Still... I know there is more to learn. There must be. We believe the Sheikah Slate may have a function that will allow it to control the Guidance Stone. We must continue our research, and quickly.

Page 5:  We have started training the Champions who will pilot the Divine Beasts. It may sound rude that I found this unexpected, but Mipha mastered the controls with surprising ease. Daruk struggled at first, but eventually got the hang of it. Urbosa and Revali both managed just fine as well. I can finally see the light of hope in our fight against the rising Calamity.

Page 6:  Robbie has restored mobility to many of the Guardians we've excavated. ...But we have still yet to find all of the Guardians. Records mention greater numbers of them - and even other types. They are said to be stored in five giant columns that rest beneath Hyrule Castle. The thing is... no matter how I search beneath the castle, I can't seem to locate these columns. They must be buried deep. Were they perhaps designed to sense the appearance of Calamity Ganon and to only activate upon his return?

Page 7:  Countless ancient structures are being discovered across Hyrule... but all attempts to enter them have failed. Records indicate that these are facilities designed to train the hero who is fated to combat the Calamity. But the crucial activation mechanism remains a mystery. Is the Sheikah Slate the key to activating them? That is Purah's theory, and I concur. And yet, my experiments so far have been fruitless. Still, we must exhaustively investigate all means to opposing the Calamity. We must not give up, no matter what!

Page 8:  I spoke with Purah about the Shrine of Resurrection we discovered earlier. As we suspected, this particular shrine is, in fact, a medical facility with the power to heal. It also has a long-term stasis function that can be activated and maintained until healing is complete. In the war against the Calamity 10,000 years ago... were the injuries so great to necessitate such a facility? If so, I will remain uneasy until we have made all adjustments necessary to restore it to full working order. I can only pray that even if Calamity Ganon returns, our battle will not require the Shrine of Resurrection's power...

The King’s Journal

The Writings of Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule

Page 1: Today, as the sun rose and a new day was born, my daughter, too, joined this sweet world. In keeping with the traditions of the royal family, I have decided to name her... Zelda. I am not a man accustomed to frivolous musings, but now seems as good a time as any to begin my royal memorandum.

Page 2: Reports keep arriving regarding the excavation of relics. The fortune teller’s predictions seem to be coming true. Calamity Ganon was not a figure of fable, or even of legend. He actually existed in our great land of Hyrule. We must investigate all the relics, learn as much as we can. But understanding the Divine Beasts alone will take time... Zelda’s eyes lit up like a wildfire when I told her about the relics... I must admit, she has a knack for research.

Page 3: My queen has left this world. Her death was so sudden and unexpected. I awaken most nights unsure if she is really gone. Zelda never cried, never faltered. Not even during the royal funeral or later when she and I were alone with our grief. I must assume her strength is a result of us repeatedly informing her of her duty to be a valiant and steady princess. For a child of merely six years of age, her conduct was truly that of a born leader. Her strength gives me hope. From now on, I must raise her all alone... Now, only I remain to prepare her for her difficult future as princess of Hyrule.

Page 4: Zelda finally reported back after her visit to the fountain. It seems her sacred sealing power has still yet to awaken. It has been a year and three months since her mother passed. Perhaps she is held back by heartache too deep to heal. If the Ganon prophecy wasn’t looming over our heads, I would tell her to take her time... To wait until she is ready. But our situation is dire and leaves no room for weakness - even on behalf of my beloved daughter. My heart breaks for Zelda, but I must act as a king, not a father. I must order her to train relentlessly at the fountain.

Page 5: I was told Zelda went off to research ancient technology, so I had no choice but to confront her about it. She claims she was simply using her day off from training to indulge in a bit of research, but still I scolded her. She won’t get it through her head... Forcing me to tell her the same thing I have been repeating ad nauseam.  The reason her sacred powers still won’t awaken is because she’s spending all her efforts playing at being a scholar!

Page 6: In truth, I understand Zelda’s feelings. Painfully so. She lost her mother, her teacher, before she could learn from her. Ten pointless years of self-training, without so much as a book or note to help her find her way... Those in the castle talk behind her back. And I, her only family, scold her for her shortcomings. No wonder she wishes to hide away in her beloved relic research. I’d love nothing more than to console her... But I must stay strong. She MUST fulfill her duty, just as we all must. Even if she comes to despise me.

Page 7: I have been told my Zelda went to the Spring of Wisdom... This will likely be her last chance. If she is unable to awaken her power at Lanayru, all hope is truly lost. If she comes back without success, then I shall speak kindly with her. Scolding is pointless now. I forced 10 years of training on her... and after all that, it seems her power will stubbornly awaken some other way. Perhaps I should encourage her to keep researching her beloved relics. They may just lead her to answers I can’t provide. For now, I sit anxiously, more a father than a king in this moment. I sit and await my daughter’s return.

[fcllencngels]

Moratorium

A Yuri!!! on Ice fic

A moratorium is a delay or suspension of an activity.

You never judge a book by it's cover. You never judge a person by their personality And when Yuri moves to Russia, he sees so much of Yurio that he hadn't expected at all

Read on AO3

TW: Suicide excerpt from Crime and Punishment

The first time Yuri meets Yurio Plisetsky, he’s met with a scowl and a ferocity no one would expect from a fifteen year old. But no one should be judged based on first impressions, the same way that books should not be judged by their cover. For far more important things lie on the inside than on the outside.

The first time Yuri sees Yurio at Victor’s-no their house, he’s met with the same trademark scowl and a slamming door as he looks up from his spot on the couch. With his blonde hair wicked back in a ponytail, he looks sharper, but for some reason, something is…off. It’s the same aura he felt when Yurio kicked him on his birthday, seconds after he gave him a present.

It’s vulnerability.

“Where the fuck is Victor?” He asks, and Yuri turns back to his phone, silently contemplating how much harsher Yurio makes Victor’s name with his quick tongue.

“Hey Yurio.” He calls back, and he hears a huff of annoyance from behind him. The teenager made his way to the bookshelf, his fingers disrupting the carefully aligned books, their spines littered with Russian that Yuri can barely understand and English that he can. “He’s in the shower, I’m sure he’ll be out soon.”

Yurio selects a book from the shelf, muttering something about pigs and fucking, his agile fingers opening the book to a page before a dark look overtook his face.

He almost smiled at this new thought and turned into the street where there was the big house with the tower. At the great closed gates of the house, a little man stood with his shoulder leaning against them, wrapped in a grey soldier’s coat, with a copper Achilles helmet on his head. He cast a drowsy and indifferent glance at Svidrigaïlov. His face wore that perpetual look of peevish dejection, which is so sourly printed on all faces of Jewish race without exception. They both, Svidrigaïlov and Achilles, stared at each other for a few minutes without speaking. At last it struck Achilles as irregular for a man not drunk to be standing three steps from him, staring and not saying a word.

‘What do you want here?’ he said, without moving or changing his position.

‘Nothing, brother, good morning,’ answered Svidrigaïlov.

‘This isn’t the place.’

‘I am going to foreign parts, brother.’

‘To foreign parts?’

‘To America.’

‘America.’

Svidrigaïlov took out the revolver and cocked it. Achilles raised his eyebrows.

‘I say, this is not the place for such jokes!’

‘Why shouldn’t it be the place?’

‘Because it isn’t.’

‘Well, brother, I don’t mind that. It’s a good place. When you are asked, you just say he was going, he said, to America.’

He put the revolver to his right temple.

‘You can’t do it here, it’s not the place,’ cried Achilles, rousing himself, his eyes growing bigger and bigger.

Svidrigaïlov pulled the trigger.

“Svidrigailov pulled the trigger.” Yurio read out loud, and a silence overtakes the room. It’s as if time was frozen, focused on the next thing that could possibly happen.

“It must be terrible to die alone.” he says, his voice impossibly soft, and Yuri looks up, just in time to see the same vulnerability fill the boy’s body up, uncertainty setting itself in his bones.

“What was that Yurio?” Yuri asks, and he’s met with a sharp glare. If he didn’t know better, he would have never assumed that Yurio has composed himself in a half second.

“It’s disgusting in English.” He says with a bitter finality, dropping the book on the floor just as Victor emerges from their bedroom, his hair sparkling from the sunlight.

“Yurio!” he says, his mouth transforming into that beautiful heart shape as he walked over to hug the young skater. Yurio quickly evades his grasp, thin arms crossing as he stares at his elder.

“That’s not my name.” He points at the clock, annoyance written over his face. “You promised you’d be at the rink by seven.” Yurio says accusingly. Victor glances at the time, before shrugging.

“It’s not too late now!” he declared, glancing at the book sprawled on the ground. He gives Yurio a pointed look, but it’s too late, the messy blonde head is already half way to the door.

Victor gives him a hurried kiss before rushing out of the door, and Yuri is left with only the Yurio’s shouts as a solid goodbye.

Standing up, he moves to pick up the fallen book, and pauses as he stares at the text in front of him.

It’s Russian.

The first time Yuri sees Yurio smiling, he’s in a restaurant, nothing admirable compared to the city all around them, but he’s staring at the person across from him with a passion that Yuri recognizes every time he sees his reflection in Victor’s eyes.

In the moment, he’s high off of love, Victor’s present glittering on his finger, and he had never thought of it twice.

The first time Yuri sees Yurio filled with raw unfiltered passion is that afternoon as he stepped into the skating rink. It’s second nature for him to watch from behind the stands as Yurio begins his routine, preparing for one of the biggest days of his life.

Otabek stands off to the side of the ice, and Yuri smiles at him in acknowledgement before music is blasted in his ears.

The surprise overtakes him, and he vaguely thinks ‘This must be Victor’s idea’ before he sees Yurio. For who else could incorporate something so surprising?

Yurio is a fifteen year old, a boy of firsts, and in their relationship, Yuri sometimes forgets that he’s an artist. Not one who stands still in front of a stretched piece of paper in front of him for hours, for that would be a waste of talent.

Yurio paints in emotions, writes in his movements, and the pure, untainted talent in his bones takes Yuri’s breath away, even as the ridiculous music plays in the background. But the music is no longer ridiculous as Yurio moves; instead it wraps around him like a blanket, becoming his shield and his weapon as he leaps across the ice.

And no longer does Yuri think that this routine could possibly be Victor’s idea because he has seen Yurio perform when the ideas of others were shoved down his throat for him to swallow and spit back out in front of hundreds of people.

That looks rehearsed, that beats records.

But the Yurio in front of him harnesses something else that turns his performance heavenly, and no longer is Yurio the fairy in petite looking outfits, but he is a god, using his emotions to cut into the ice harshly, a monster who knows how to use the powers that he had been gifted with.

His skates spray ice as he veers around the edge of the ice, and the spray of frozen water behind him should seem exaggerated, but it takes the breath out of Yuri’s lungs as he watches the sweaty, golden haired god approach his other half.

A dark haired soldier takes his hand, and while Yurio is heavenly and light, Otabek is the soldier, someone dark but forceful, the perfect complement to Yurio’s performance.

A smile takes Yurio’s lips, and the two continue the routine.

The first time Yuri sees Yurio surprised is at the Grand Prix finals, and he’s seated beside Yakov and Lilia, and his mouth had fallen open as he stared at the score on the screen and the voice announced that he had broken five time champion Victor Nikiforov’s record.

At the time, Yuri had been too preoccupied with his own need to win that he had barely noticed how much it had affected Yurio.

The first time that Yuri understands Yurio’s life is that evening as the group moved to Yurio’s house, greeted by his grandpa.

When Yuri steps though the door, Victor grasping his hand, he’s met with the scent of something fried and something all too familiar.

“They make katsudon in Russia?” he asks, only to be met face to face with a man that could rival Yakov’s solidarity.

Yurio pushes between the couple’s arms, with Otabek behind them, before jumping into his grandfather’s arms. Separately, the pair are stubborn and fierce, but Yuri watches in fascination as they exchange loving glances, and soft murmurs of Russian before glancing back at their company.

“You know Victor and beka. That’s Victor’s pig fiancé.” Yurio says. After brief introductions, the group disperses among the small living space. With the door shut behind them, Yuri is surprised on how cozy the living space is. Compared to Victor’s space, this was a closet.

“We can probably look around. Yurio and his grandpa will probably chat for a while.” Victor says.

Pushing open a door, Yuri jumps back as a blitz of fur runs past him, escaping from what Yuri could only surmise as Yurio’s room. A tall bookshelf lined one of the walls, filled with textbooks and reading that Yuri would suspect was far more advanced than any 15 year old would read. His bed was propped up on its frame, close to the ceiling to accommodate the desk underneath it.

The walls were blank, except for the carefully scribbled rules and various techniques written on long sheets of paper.

“This is Yurio’s room?” Yuri asks, almost in astonishment. “I would have imagined that it was…more dramatic.”

“You haven’t opened his closet yet.” Victor laughed. “He likes keeping the space open to practice. He doesn’t stay here too often either, since Yakov and Lilia have him practicing all the time.” Victor replies comfortably. “The books are because he doesn’t have the time to go to school. It’s what makes him Russia’s best skater. He puts everything in to get the results he’s expected to get.”

“What do his parents say? Even I went to college in America while skating.”

Victor stayed silent, his confirmation the only thing Yuri needed.

“Oh.”

“His grandfather is the only family he has. That’s why everyone in the rink is so protective of him.”

With only a look at Victor’s face, Yuri understands. It explains Yakov’s rebuking personality, harsh but never threatening; Lilia’s nitpicking, making sure he had eaten, and eating with him when Yurio hadn’t; Mila and her over bursting energy, and every single other person on the Russian skating team.

It explained the reason why Yurio had wanted Victor back, not only to choreograph his performance, but for more. It explains Yurio’s anger, and the reason he had beaten Victor’s record, as if to erase him, out of his life, out of history, and the anger he had shown Yuri.

“You guys became the family he didn’t have. And I took you away from him.”

The first time Yuri had ever seen Yurio truly filled with childlike happiness was his birthday. Yuri had been missing home, had been uncertain, and his night had improved simply through the well thought efforts of a fifteen year old.

At the time, he had found it odd, but now, he knew so much more.

The first time Yuri truly understand Yurio is that night, as he stands outside in the cold.

It seems to always be cold in Russia, colder than it ever is in Japan, even in the most northern reaches. But there’s something magical about it, the way his breath transforms into a frosty cloud, and the way the snow always decorates the ground in beautiful, messy puddles.

But that is how Russia is. Cold and beautiful. But even within it, Yuri has found the most beautiful things tucked away, whether it be the flowers fighting nature, or the people forcing themselves through life, dressed in parkas and other apparel he wouldn’t see anywhere else.

And after learning so much, that’s what Yurio is.

Cold and beautiful, with his shoulder length hair and angelic movements. His words could cut the most experienced to pieces, and his actions could tear nations apart.

But that wasn’t all. He was still a teenager, one thrown roughly into the world with barely anyone to support him. But under all the pressure, he shined, emerging as the gold medalist at the Grand Prix Finals in his senior debut.

Under all that pressure, he had found his way in the world, he had found a family, and he had found someone he loved.

It was all too obvious for the ones that knew him, Yuri thought. He had been blind to not see it before. There was no other way to interpret the way Yurio marched into the rink, Otabek’s hand firmly clasping his shoulder as he evaded an attack from Mila and ignored Yakov’s rebuking.

Chuckling to himself, he turned and looked back as Victor stepped out the door as well, and met Yurio’s gaze through the door. For someone so young, he had experienced too much, but everything had sculpted him to be what the world wanted.

Yuri only hoped he could be what he wanted himself to be.

[scotwresnet]

Firstly I’d just like to take this opportunity to remember both Shad Gaspard and Hana Kimura. Both taken tragically early from us. My thoughts go out to all those who are grieving their loss at this sad time and I’d like to dedicate this article to both of them.

I’d also just like to start this edition of SWN Behind the Art by saying that when I initially started doing this series I had no real idea about what direction I was heading in. It probably showed and probably still does but I think I finally now know what I am aiming to do. I feel that within the last couple of editions you can see huge improvements and my aim is to keep getting better. What I’m trying to show you with these articles is wrestling from a different perspective. Whether it’s interviewing wrestlers and letting them show another side to themselves that you wouldn’t normally see whilst watching them in the ring or just getting a fans perspective of what turns you on and excites you in the wrestling world, I hope this section of the Scottish Wrestling Network website is just as welcome an addition to your consumption of pro wrestling content as all the rest. What I’m really trying to say is thank you for reading my articles and I hope they are providing you with some sort of entertainment and maybe some inspiration in your own life. Thank you.

But that’s enough from me… let’s move on to the main event…

I can’t tell you just how much of a pleasure it was speaking to this wonderful woman. I talked to her over a period of time and a couple of the final questions in this interview were only answered recently with recent events sadly in mind. I admire and thank Aivil for the strength of feeling with which she expresses herself and highly admire her sentiments. Thank you Aivil.

Photo credit Sandy Smith Photography

–

She’s an artist inside the ring and loves to create outside of it too. I’m so lucky and thrilled to be able to bring you a very special interview with former and, no doubt in my mind, future ICW Women’s Champion Aivil.

I won’t ask you to introduce yourself Aivil because those who don’t know who you are by now should be ashamed of themselves and should go right out and research you work right away. But can you give us a brief biography of where you come from and about how you came to be residing in Scotland.

Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words, but in reality I’m not that special. Just a regular freaky monster 🙂

I was born in Italy and lived there the majority of my life. I moved to Scotland in 2016 for working reasons and with the dream of continuing my wrestling training with some of the very best wrestlers in Europe.

Great. Thank you. Now, Italy has such a rich and illustrious art history doesn’t it? Art must rub of on just about everyone there. I understand you like to draw. What kind of things do you like to draw?

I’ve always been a very creative person. My imagination always runs wild and literally everything (a song, an object, a colour, a person etc) can turn into the most unexpected source of inspiration for me. I like to let my instinct and emotions drive me through everything I do, so my drawings vary a lot.

I love to draw comics and fantasy characters, cyborgs and monsters, but I also like to do portraits, to draw flowers, fashion outfits and there was a time I was also into tattoos sketches.

Nice. Do you have any particular favourite artists? And what about them or their work inspires you?

I love Paolo Barbieri’s art, his elegant trait, the colours, the curves and his ability to improvise on everything. If you guys have never heard of him, go check his art out. It’s stunning! And he’s Italian like me!

To be honest with you, there are so many contemporary artists I love, just to mention a few of them: Kiyo Kyujyo, Luis Royo, Victoria Francés, Xiao Fan Chuan… like I could spend the whole day mentioning artists as I read so many manga and illustrated comics too that it is easy to come up with names. Referring to more classic art, I’ve always loved the colours and the technique of the Impressionists and the perfect proportions and details of the Neoclassicism.

I’d like to touch on your love of manga and comics later on if that’s ok because I understand you like to write also but first I’d like to ask you about your in ring persona. Wrestling is a major art form in itself. It requires a lot of skills that wouldn’t be out of place in say dance or ballet as well as contact sports and it incorporates all the theatricality of acting also. With that being said you include an extra special aspect to your character don’t you? Tell us about your face paint. When and how did that all begin? Has it become a ritual in your performance? And where do you get the inspiration from?

There was never a day I wrestled without my face paint on. For me it’s like wearing a mask that allows me to kick my shyness away for awhile and create that relationship with the crowd that’s so essential in what we do. We are athletes and also storytellers. If we don’t engage with the crowd we’re partially failing as wrestlers. Even though I look very confident from the outside, I have many insecurities. The face paint is a brilliant method, at least for me, to cope with insecurity and let my spirit free.

My inspiration might come from everything around me. Of course, being a clown and a demon priestess, my main inspirations are fellow freaks and Gothic creatures. Paxxo and I, back in the days, took part in a project called Painted for War, where we asked our friends and fans to help us find a character to inspire our next wrestling make up. I think my favourite one to do was Scar, from the Lion King.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

You mentioned clown and demon priestess there. Just how did Jokey and Aivil come about?

Both Aivil and Jokey are fragments of my personality. Of course I took inspiration from books, movies and fantasy characters to create my outfits and build up the gimmicks, but they are part of who I already am. That’s why I feel comfortable showing their colours in the ring. It’s a matter of finding yourself along the journey and not being afraid to show it to the world. Your light, your darkness, your clumsiness, your grace, your faults and your strength points. This is also why it’s important for everybody to remember one thing: beyond the character and the masks we are all human beings, just like you. We might be your superheroes or the best villains on the planet, but we are also people. Words affect us the same way they do with you. Please allow me to use this platform to spread a message of love and support. We, the wrestlers, always try to be at our best for our fans, no matter how difficult our life may be. We perform to deliver you joy, emotions and memories. You are allowed to have an opinion, to like us or not. But remember, you can express your thoughts and be respectful at the same time. We are trying our best. Be kind. Don’t wait till it’s too late to show affection and love. And this last statement goes for everyone.

I couldn’t agree with you more and feel free to express anything you want to say here. That’s no problem at all. You said that you like to read manga and comic books, and like to draw fantasy characters. Are you into writing about them also? You like to write don’t you? What does the act of writing give you?

I do love writing. I am currently working on a book to be honest. I started this project years ago, when I was a teenager. It all began as a way to escape from a reality I wasn’t fitting in. Many things happened since that day and then I left the project aside, for lack of time and inspiration. I wasn’t ready to finish the story, to close that chapter of my life. Recently, during the quarantine, I gathered some courage and I started to go through everything I wrote again and again. It needed some sort of editing, as I have changed through the years and so did my writing and my thoughts about life.

I also write short stories and I find very useful to take notes on my feelings or special life circumstances. As I previously mentioned, when I was around 18 years old I fell in a very dark place. I suffered a lot and it was hard to just think about waking up and be ready to live another day of my life. Writing, among other activities like singing and drawing, helped me be brave and strong enough when all I wanted was to lie on the floor and close my eyes for good. It hurts talking about this, but I am glad you are allowing me to share my experience and my love for writing, because maybe I will be able to reach other people who are suffering the same way and somehow help them. Even just by letting them know they are not alone and there is someone who can understand how they feel.

How important do you think art and self expression is to mental well-being?

Art in general is a beautiful way to express your feelings and get rid of all the negativity that piles up in your brain and in your heart.

It could be any form of art. The simple act of expressing yourself freely will let you feel softer and happier, trust me. Don’t be scared of showing your colours to the world. There is nothing wrong in art.

Sometimes we have to carry heavy burdens, you know. And it gets harder and harder. If you keep everything inside, you will eventually explode. I did. Multiple times.

So whenever you feel the fire burning inside your head and you feel thorns in your heart, let yourself free. Get rid of everything. Of the good and the bad emotions. Turn them into something special and unique. In this way they won’t crush you down. They will lift you up instead, they will empower you and everyone will be able to appreciate you throughout your artistic creations.

The most important thing to do, though, is learning how to love yourself first. And you gotta let people in at some point. Some will hurt you for sure, but that’s the only way the light comes in too. You all have that strength inside of you. Be confident and be brave. You are not alone.

I want to add one last little thing. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing interest in my art and letting me talk about such critical and delicate matters, such as mental health and depression. These are dark times, I hope my words can reach out to a few people in need of help and support them. As my grandma taught me, love is the most powerful medicine in the world.

Thank you. Stay safe and take care of each other.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

What more can I say but thank Aivil profusely for taking the time to talk to me. It was truly an honour.

If you’d like to find out more about Aivil and I highly recommend that you do then you can go to her social media pages here:

Instagram: @twisted_priestess Twitter: @Twisted_Doll_AJ Facebook: Jokey & Aivil

And if you’d like to be featured in SWN Fan Art Corner you can send in your art to:

Instagram: @themaskedembroiderer Twitter: @TEmbroiderer Or email us ScotWresNet@gmail.com Or use the hashtags #scottishwrestlingart or #scottishwrestlingfanart

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

[scottish-wrestling-network]

Firstly I’d just like to take this opportunity to remember both Shad Gaspard and Hana Kimura. Both taken tragically early from us. My thoughts go out to all those who are grieving their loss at this sad time and I’d like to dedicate this article to both of them.

I’d also just like to start this edition of SWN Behind the Art by saying that when I initially started doing this series I had no real idea about what direction I was heading in. It probably showed and probably still does but I think I finally now know what I am aiming to do. I feel that within the last couple of editions you can see huge improvements and my aim is to keep getting better. What I’m trying to show you with these articles is wrestling from a different perspective. Whether it’s interviewing wrestlers and letting them show another side to themselves that you wouldn’t normally see whilst watching them in the ring or just getting a fans perspective of what turns you on and excites you in the wrestling world, I hope this section of the Scottish Wrestling Network website is just as welcome an addition to your consumption of pro wrestling content as all the rest. What I’m really trying to say is thank you for reading my articles and I hope they are providing you with some sort of entertainment and maybe some inspiration in your own life. Thank you.

But that’s enough from me… let’s move on to the main event…

I can’t tell you just how much of a pleasure it was speaking to this wonderful woman. I talked to her over a period of time and a couple of the final questions in this interview were only answered recently with recent events sadly in mind. I admire and thank Aivil for the strength of feeling with which she expresses herself and highly admire her sentiments. Thank you Aivil.

Photo credit Sandy Smith Photography

–

She’s an artist inside the ring and loves to create outside of it too. I’m so lucky and thrilled to be able to bring you a very special interview with former and, no doubt in my mind, future ICW Women’s Champion Aivil.

I won’t ask you to introduce yourself Aivil because those who don’t know who you are by now should be ashamed of themselves and should go right out and research you work right away. But can you give us a brief biography of where you come from and about how you came to be residing in Scotland.

Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words, but in reality I’m not that special. Just a regular freaky monster 🙂

I was born in Italy and lived there the majority of my life. I moved to Scotland in 2016 for working reasons and with the dream of continuing my wrestling training with some of the very best wrestlers in Europe.

Great. Thank you. Now, Italy has such a rich and illustrious art history doesn’t it? Art must rub of on just about everyone there. I understand you like to draw. What kind of things do you like to draw?

I’ve always been a very creative person. My imagination always runs wild and literally everything (a song, an object, a colour, a person etc) can turn into the most unexpected source of inspiration for me. I like to let my instinct and emotions drive me through everything I do, so my drawings vary a lot.

I love to draw comics and fantasy characters, cyborgs and monsters, but I also like to do portraits, to draw flowers, fashion outfits and there was a time I was also into tattoos sketches.

Nice. Do you have any particular favourite artists? And what about them or their work inspires you?

I love Paolo Barbieri’s art, his elegant trait, the colours, the curves and his ability to improvise on everything. If you guys have never heard of him, go check his art out. It’s stunning! And he’s Italian like me!

To be honest with you, there are so many contemporary artists I love, just to mention a few of them: Kiyo Kyujyo, Luis Royo, Victoria Francés, Xiao Fan Chuan… like I could spend the whole day mentioning artists as I read so many manga and illustrated comics too that it is easy to come up with names. Referring to more classic art, I’ve always loved the colours and the technique of the Impressionists and the perfect proportions and details of the Neoclassicism.

I’d like to touch on your love of manga and comics later on if that’s ok because I understand you like to write also but first I’d like to ask you about your in ring persona. Wrestling is a major art form in itself. It requires a lot of skills that wouldn’t be out of place in say dance or ballet as well as contact sports and it incorporates all the theatricality of acting also. With that being said you include an extra special aspect to your character don’t you? Tell us about your face paint. When and how did that all begin? Has it become a ritual in your performance? And where do you get the inspiration from?

There was never a day I wrestled without my face paint on. For me it’s like wearing a mask that allows me to kick my shyness away for awhile and create that relationship with the crowd that’s so essential in what we do. We are athletes and also storytellers. If we don’t engage with the crowd we’re partially failing as wrestlers. Even though I look very confident from the outside, I have many insecurities. The face paint is a brilliant method, at least for me, to cope with insecurity and let my spirit free.

My inspiration might come from everything around me. Of course, being a clown and a demon priestess, my main inspirations are fellow freaks and Gothic creatures. Paxxo and I, back in the days, took part in a project called Painted for War, where we asked our friends and fans to help us find a character to inspire our next wrestling make up. I think my favourite one to do was Scar, from the Lion King.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

You mentioned clown and demon priestess there. Just how did Jokey and Aivil come about?

Both Aivil and Jokey are fragments of my personality. Of course I took inspiration from books, movies and fantasy characters to create my outfits and build up the gimmicks, but they are part of who I already am. That’s why I feel comfortable showing their colours in the ring. It’s a matter of finding yourself along the journey and not being afraid to show it to the world. Your light, your darkness, your clumsiness, your grace, your faults and your strength points. This is also why it’s important for everybody to remember one thing: beyond the character and the masks we are all human beings, just like you. We might be your superheroes or the best villains on the planet, but we are also people. Words affect us the same way they do with you. Please allow me to use this platform to spread a message of love and support. We, the wrestlers, always try to be at our best for our fans, no matter how difficult our life may be. We perform to deliver you joy, emotions and memories. You are allowed to have an opinion, to like us or not. But remember, you can express your thoughts and be respectful at the same time. We are trying our best. Be kind. Don’t wait till it’s too late to show affection and love. And this last statement goes for everyone.

I couldn’t agree with you more and feel free to express anything you want to say here. That’s no problem at all. You said that you like to read manga and comic books, and like to draw fantasy characters. Are you into writing about them also? You like to write don’t you? What does the act of writing give you?

I do love writing. I am currently working on a book to be honest. I started this project years ago, when I was a teenager. It all began as a way to escape from a reality I wasn’t fitting in. Many things happened since that day and then I left the project aside, for lack of time and inspiration. I wasn’t ready to finish the story, to close that chapter of my life. Recently, during the quarantine, I gathered some courage and I started to go through everything I wrote again and again. It needed some sort of editing, as I have changed through the years and so did my writing and my thoughts about life.

I also write short stories and I find very useful to take notes on my feelings or special life circumstances. As I previously mentioned, when I was around 18 years old I fell in a very dark place. I suffered a lot and it was hard to just think about waking up and be ready to live another day of my life. Writing, among other activities like singing and drawing, helped me be brave and strong enough when all I wanted was to lie on the floor and close my eyes for good. It hurts talking about this, but I am glad you are allowing me to share my experience and my love for writing, because maybe I will be able to reach other people who are suffering the same way and somehow help them. Even just by letting them know they are not alone and there is someone who can understand how they feel.

How important do you think art and self expression is to mental well-being?

Art in general is a beautiful way to express your feelings and get rid of all the negativity that piles up in your brain and in your heart.

It could be any form of art. The simple act of expressing yourself freely will let you feel softer and happier, trust me. Don’t be scared of showing your colours to the world. There is nothing wrong in art.

Sometimes we have to carry heavy burdens, you know. And it gets harder and harder. If you keep everything inside, you will eventually explode. I did. Multiple times.

So whenever you feel the fire burning inside your head and you feel thorns in your heart, let yourself free. Get rid of everything. Of the good and the bad emotions. Turn them into something special and unique. In this way they won’t crush you down. They will lift you up instead, they will empower you and everyone will be able to appreciate you throughout your artistic creations.

The most important thing to do, though, is learning how to love yourself first. And you gotta let people in at some point. Some will hurt you for sure, but that’s the only way the light comes in too. You all have that strength inside of you. Be confident and be brave. You are not alone.

I want to add one last little thing. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing interest in my art and letting me talk about such critical and delicate matters, such as mental health and depression. These are dark times, I hope my words can reach out to a few people in need of help and support them. As my grandma taught me, love is the most powerful medicine in the world.

Thank you. Stay safe and take care of each other.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

What more can I say but thank Aivil profusely for taking the time to talk to me. It was truly an honour.

If you’d like to find out more about Aivil and I highly recommend that you do then you can go to her social media pages here:

Instagram: @twisted_priestess Twitter: @Twisted_Doll_AJ Facebook: Jokey & Aivil

And if you’d like to be featured in SWN Fan Art Corner you can send in your art to:

Instagram: @themaskedembroiderer Twitter: @TEmbroiderer Or email us ScotWresNet@gmail.com Or use the hashtags #scottishwrestlingart or #scottishwrestlingfanart

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

Behind The Art #16: Aivil/Jokey

[creative-ive]

Top Albums of 2017

2017, the weird year of political distress, independence as an option, an entirely evolving digital music world where artists were born for the new age. 

Creative-ive chose to give our creatives an opportunity for their voice to be heard. They were brave enough to put down their thoughts on the album most impactful on their lives/culture this year. (They are in no particular order)

Enjoy the reviews. Please share it with those you love.

______________________________________________

We begin with the Saturation Trilogy

Saturation 1 - BROCKHAMPTON

The fascinating thing about a creative collective is the ability to see every individual’s contribution to the whole. Being a part of a creative group and still maintaining the voice that makes you, you isn’t just a feat but something to be admired. So for the 12 member Brockhampton boy band to seemingly come out of nowhere and drop this 17 track album uniquely constructed with fuck you heavy bangers and beautifully vulnerable songs as a debut album is nothing short impressive. Like reallyyyyyy impressive.

“I’ll break your neck so you can watch your back” is one of the furious rhymes Brockhampton lay down on the opening track that shows the pure aggression of the young collective. Lyrically, this album delivers haymaker type bars on all of its tracks.The album is reminiscent of the exciting power that the Wu-Tang brought on 36 Chambers (yea, I just said that. Brockhampton has the talent and balls to be THAT influential). However, as aggressive as several of these tracks are, this album brings to the table a flavor that doesn’t get discussed nearly enough. This album brings gives you sincere emotional honesty. On the standout track, Milk you get a moving personal account to what it means growing up and finding yourself. Not in the cliche travel to Rome, fall in love and find yourself way, but in the personal testimonies, the group tells all. The themes on this song are nothing short of amazing for anyone let alone a debut album; understanding letting go, coping with heartbreak, realizing you’re not okay, fearing losing the people you love, and ultimately moving forward with all those feelings in your heart and continuing on your path.

If you want an album you can relate to in a brutally sincere and genuinely furious capacity, do yourself a favor and spin this.

Written by Oscar Aquino

Saturation 2 - BROCKHAMPTON

Brockhampton, the boyband that flipped the game upside down and continuously impresses with consistency. The first one made people pay attention and while they did, quickly released a second album to cement their talents. This album propelled them into the masses and the ears of Tyler who booked them for his Camp Flog Gnaw Carnival. In the Brockhampton documentary, Kevin mentions capitalizing on the hype and to continue riding the Saturation wave with messages that compel their audience. To saturate with real messages in a world of processed music. This is what has caused this young generation to stan this group much like we did for Odd Future years ago.

Gummy, a five-letter word, begins the album where the rest are too, aside from the final track. Kevin Abstract starts off with the anger of not being appreciated enough despite his influence. He takes the perspective of a hater mentioning the fact he can’t rap and stays playing a role of high school loser yet he’s already in 20’s. Kevin’s self-awareness, as well as the rest of group, is incredibly impressive. Ameer Vann, the man on the album’s cover, starts off by saying he’s the king that deserves a crown made of thorns like Jesus. Dom McLennon says, “I could get shot in my back and they’d tell the world that I fought ‘em,” to which he’s referencing Michael Brown and the state of police in our country. He shows no fear in bringing such a touchy subject into his verse and make positive use of his platform.

The Rap God said, “let there be light”, and on that day, he united a boyband to save Hip-Hop.

Queer, Matt Champion expresses his insecurities about having no muscles which would often represent femininity in males. He talks about having to walk to work and mindlessly work for 8 hours. Now that he’s reaping some success as an artist he can’t stop, there’s no chance he’s going to vacation. Matt shares that he has depression and it is not erased by fame. Yet he will continue to grind at it. Merlyn Wood starts off by saying “fuck Dolce & Gabbana, racist mothersuckers tyna be my pana (partner),” this is such a rebellious take where most rappers would flaunt a brand, they’re taking shots at their non-sensitive advertising. “The Waco is far away, I don’t even mind, as long as you stay right here, right next to my side,” Kevin sings on the hook. They all seem to take perspectives of their rising fame and going away from their hometown of Waco in Texas. I feel the word queer is used in the context of weird, for their position in the rap game and being “radical” enough to think they can make it in music. If they remain a resilient support group for each other, they will continue to elevate themselves.

To me, the craziest part is the fact most of them met through KanyeToThe forum where they all decided to move to LA and start a boy band. On Jello, Kevin raps “met all my friends through Kanye West and I ain’t met him yet.” Ameer always raps about the duality of being a gangster/drug dealer to now garnering success through making records. He says, “turned rap into the new pop,” which is the best lyric of this song solely because of their desire to break the conventional stigmas on words such as boyband and what pop music is.

Teeth is an interlude which only features Ameer showcasing his personal dealings with racism and hardheadedness towards his mother. She only wanted him to excel by putting him in white schools where all he “learned” there was that he was different (by his skin color). He professes that Brockhampton will soon have stars on Sunset Boulevard. Reminiscent of Kanye West’s Homecoming line, Ameer leaves off with a shining piece of wisdom, “if you shooting for the stars, you only headed one way.”

Swamp entails their ability to “[fuck] commas up from the outside,” the outside is their place in rap where they’re still not being taken seriously. Merlyn, “never would’ve met my friends if not for satellites … luckily professor failed me at the proper time.” He has often expressed the leap of faith that he took moving to California with the rest of the group. The internet made them what they are, there’s magic in the connectedness of the web.

Tokyo themes around insecurity, regret, and past mistakes. Joba expresses his inner conflict of what-ifs in his life. They discuss the notion of what has you “shook” on a Saturday or any day.

Jesus is where Kevin’s talking about a toxic relationship. “Remember when I was trippin’ off some wack shit, when I thought the automatic had an answer?” Kevin says to himself. Often when we’re stuck in maniac depressive state we think that a gun or suicide will have the solution to our inner problems. But in hindsight, Kevin’s chuckling at how wack that problem was and his happiness of not taking his life.

Chick, Matt is honest with his purpose to make “loot” for himself while inspiring “some of you, to do what you do despite all the fuck you’s.” Those that are around you that don’t support you are often projecting their own insecurities. The message is to continue through all the hate because they won’t ever realize the vision until you’re “shitting on the toilet with Grammy’s in your lap.” Ameer raps about “[people] talk a lot of shit, in a safe place, aiming with they keyboard, they shootin’ up a case (uppercase).” He tweeted his anger about internet trolls and how it affects him due to insecurities.

Junky, Kevin wastes no moments in delving into the landscape of being a gay rapper. Kevin uses his platform to speak for those that can’t. “And for me to be onstage in front of that many kids and for them to be like, damn, I identify with this person – now they have a new hero that looks like them,” Kevin said in his interview for the Guardian. Matt uses his verse to discuss the notions of patriarchy and males power over women in feeling they owe us something (sexual favors). This is a beautiful idea that is often not present in a machismo culture that rap is. He calls for men to respect these women as individuals with choices in their actions. Women are humans too, not objects to stick our junk into.

Fight, Ameer states, “my male role models drug dealers and thugs,” wherein the black (minority) community rings true too loudly. He explains how he deserves to be hanged from trees like the rest of history by his teachers. Black people are “born with a target” which is stuck on their skin unable to be removed. Ameer understands that he will have to live with this for the rest of his life.

Sweet, my favorite track on the album starts off with Matt talking to his subconscious representative of his care-free/alter ego self. He expresses his successes or issues to which it replies to him. He asks himself questions that as a rising star should have it figured out based on the perception of fame. A big ego, girls flocking like seagulls, paying off your mom’s house so she can live comfortably for the rest of her life. The standout verse of the whole album hands down is Joba’s. His journey of leaving for LA with $300 dollars to his name, living off of Ramen, to now eating $500 dollar dinners not even having to pay. He reflects on his teacher’s hard instilled thoughts of having to go to college to be successful in life. His flashback to his Walkman days of listening to NSYNC that a desire to be Justin Timberlake inspired his dream. Ironically, what was the biggest boyband of possibly all time now has a new flame reaching for their spot: Brockhampton.

Gamba, off the hook, seems to be in the perspective a baby callin’ for their parents, trying to reach them only to trip and fall. The parent then asks them “what you gonna do when you older? What you gonna do when you grow?” This seems to be the running theme throughout the entire Saturation Trilogy, that they’re reaching for their dreams.

Sunny, the standout lyric is how now Ameer’s making clean money and working 7 days a week non-stop, “My daddy called me, said he seen my last video, looking at a young me, coulda had a heatstroke.” His father seemed to always nag him about being a respectable man and now he’s finally doing it. His father is proud of his success, reflecting on his younger self, he would have fainted.

Summer, the most beautiful song on the album with the vocals of bearface. With the production so elegant and its guitar sweet-sounding to that of Kanye West’s Gorgeous off My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Tells a story of summer love in the heat of it all, that person you meet that is so different from the rest.

Saturation 2, my personal favorite of the entire trilogy stands out to me as their official stamp in the rap industry to prove they were no creative fluke. Kevin Abstract has formed his “own dynasty” much like Def Jam, a total force in creativity. Not only as a boyband but as a record label, a media company/ad agency. There’s so much to be learned from this group and that there are no excuses for your potential success. It’s all a matter of how much you want it. “There’s also Apple, it started in a small room and it becomes this huge corporation. Basically, how I wanna be.” Kevin says in an interview with Fader. They’re not following a specific blueprint, they’re winging it and believing whole-heartedly in their visions. That ideal of friends lifting other friends up towards stardom. It inspires me, it makes me want to dream more, go after what I want. There are no excuses in the internet age of not taking hold of your dreams. You are who you surround yourself with. The people around you become the boiling pot of how you’re brewed for the world’s consumption. Surround yourself with dreamers, shoot your shot, in all directions because you don’t want to limit yourself to only one way.

Written by Erik De La Cruz

Saturation 3 - BROCKHAMPTON

If you don’t know who BROCKHAMPTON is by now, don’t worry, they’ll keep flooding the internet with content until you do. With their final installment in the Saturation Trilogy, the unorthodox collective has somehow managed to do the unthinkable; progressively improve each studio project within a year span.

Saturation III is by far the most enticing and diverse narrative from the LA based group. From the heavenly R&B falsetto on BLEACH, to the chaotic opening dance number in BOOGIE, this album offers a little bit of something for both casual listeners and All-American Trash stans alike.

With their latest work BROCKHAMPTON offers a more mature and vulnerable take on their music. Partnered with incredible production from members Romil, Q3 (Jabari & Kiko), and Bearface, the album serves to tackle taboo themes such as isolation, sexuality, and mental health. The track Sister/Nation stands out with first half production reminiscent of an early Odd Future. Here member JOBA, channels his inner Marshall Mathers with vocal stacks acting as multiple personalities. At the 3:51 mark the title production abruptly transitions into a synth and layer heavy canvass where members Ameer and Dom recite verses addressing societal normalities in adolescence and racial division.  

In my personal opinion, BROCKHAMPTON member JOBA, completely stands out with his contributions to Saturation III. His versatile abilities include but are not limited to singing, songwriting, rapping, production, and engineering. Whether it be background vocals on STUPID, unorthodox cadences on ZIPPER, or production on TEAM, JOBA’s signature is somehow stamped on every Saturation III track.  

I will admit when I heard that BROCKHAMPTON planned on releasing three studio projects in 2017, I was extremely skeptical. However, it is the end of December and I am currently sitting here writing a review for the biggest musical surprise of 2017. It’s become apparent that with creative direction led by Kevin Abstract, non-replicable chemistry, and unconventional practices, BROCKHAMPTON has all eyes on them for 2018.

Standout Tracks: SISTER/NATION, BLEACH, JOHNNY

Standout Lyric:

“It seems I’m destined to fall apart when I’m depressed, it’s all a test, scream at God from my bedside, I glue my hands together, life’s got me hog-tied.”

 Written by Tommie Brown 

Laila’s Wisdom - Rapsody

“A better one.”

The opening lines of Laila’s Wisdom, Rapsody’s Grammy-nominated second studio album, echo the popular phrase of Miami’s larger-than-life DJ Khaled. However, when it comes to making classic albums, her goal isn’t just “another one.” On this album, named after her maternal grandmother, Rapsody sets her sights on making it “a better one” than her last, and she succeeds with gusto.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Rapsody has been killing it for years. Anyone who’s heard her rhyme knows that she can hang with the best. Just take a listen to her standout verse on Kendrick Lamar’s “Complexion (A Zulu Love).” One listen to that verse and anyone can see that she’s a star. She deserves all the recognition for her lyrical ability, complexity, wordplay, and depth. One play-through of a Rapsody verse is not enough; her lyrics are those that you must go back and listen to repeatedly to fully grasp the triple-entendres and flips that she laces in her stories.

Now that we’ve established her past, let’s talk about the present, especially as it relates to the gift of an album we were blessed with this year. Before even listening to the album, a look at the production credits for this project should let you know that this is something special. 9th Wonder’s contributions to this project cannot be overstated. It’s common knowledge that this man is an absolute legend and beast when it comes to his samples and chops, but this work is something special. 9th and Rapsody have a musical bond that dates back to her signing with his indie label It’s A Wonderful World Music Group back in 2008 and it’s clear as day on this album. He’s credited as a producer on 9 of the album’s 14 tracks (7 of those being solo); this goes a long way in making a project that’s both lyrically AND sonically cohesive.

It’s hard to pick out some of my favorite songs on this project, seeing as how they’re all fantastic, so I’ll just go straight through. The title track of the album is a powerful opening over a sample of Aretha Franklin’s “Young, Gifted, and Black.” Rapsody sets the tone early on, that we’re about to be blessed with the lessons of her grandmother she carefully laced throughout the album. “Power” is easily a standout track, outside of Kendrick and Lance Skiiiwalker’s assists to Rapsody’s musings of power, both external and internal. “Chrome (Like Ooh)” has one of the BEST beat switches I’ve heard all year, outside of DUCKWORTH (produced by 9th, unsurprisingly.) Producers Khrysis and Ka$h Don’t Make Beats both knocked that one out of the park, and continue the flow beautifully into “Pay Up.”  On this song, Rapsody creates a tale of two gold-diggers, both female and male, the latter a flip on the common view of women as opportunists in the music industry.

Ridin’ is a come-down from the upbeat pace of the previous track. It’s smooth and silky, something that you can spark one up to and ride around your hood with your friends, contemplating your places in life. This song comes with another gorgeous beat switch, featuring a Busta Rhymes sample (more on him in a bit) that switches the scene to a house party that gets rolled up on by the cops. Rapsody promises to turn down the volume, only to turn it right back up as soon as the doors close in direct and unapologetic defiance. This is a party for Rapsody and her friends to unwind from daily strife, and she’ll be damned if a cop kills the vibe.

Now I’ll admit, though I didn’t feel the vibe on “Sassy” that much, it’s still an amazing track, and I wholly understand that it’s not for me. By that, I mean that this is a track of empowerment, especially for women; this is evident in the references to Maya Angelou’s “Still I Rise.” Rapsody uses her words to continue the message of the original: that she is going to thrive at being exactly who she wants to be, regardless of whether or not others find it offensive (and if you do, the 1950’s is where you can take ALL of your seats). The album continues into “Nobody,” with features in the forms of Moonchild and Anderson .Paak’s gorgeous vocals and Black Thoughts always stellar words of wisdom.

In the interest of brevity, I’m going to skip ahead a couple tracks, but not without mentioning Busta Rhymes’ feature on “You Should Now.” It’s gorgeous and makes you just want to love your significant other with all of your heart. The contrast of his trademark gruff with the sensitivity and passion that he feels for this woman is perfection and is capped off by the final lines and chuckle that he delivers.

“A Rollercoaster Jam Called Love” is a special song; Rapsody starts off talking to a lover about her need for space, but not too much of it. She wants to strike the perfect balance of love with this person, where they can both be themselves while still enjoying their time and bond together. She knows that it’s not an easy task, but also knows that the work it takes is necessary to maintain the healthy relationship. 9th’s transitions on this track mirror the ups and downs of a relationship; not every day is the best, and it’s necessary to be okay with letting things slow down at times to really build a life-long partnership. The track closes out with the couple splitting, and the breakup is solidified on “U Used 2 Love Me.”

“Knock on My Door” finds Rapsody telling the story of her pining for a neighbor of hers, wishing that he would come and knock on the door of her life and let her take care of the rest. It’s the feeling that we’ve all felt before; your mind’s imagination runs through all the possibilities of how you and your crush will finally get together. The final verse plays out as an imaginary conversation with this new boo, revealing Rapsody’s imagination of what the vibe would be like between the two.

.Paak returns for “OooWee,” injecting his signature vocals to bring an extra helping of soul into this track where Rapsody talks that talk in full glory. She knows she’s got the juice and isn’t willing to let the people know that she’s a boss.

And now, the final track, “Jesus Coming.” This song is something special. 9th’s simple loop with minimal percussion gives the song space to let the emotion of Amber Navran’s vocals seep through before Rapsody begins her tale of loss. The first verse seems to be from the perspective of someone dying of an overdose after being peer-pressured to partake in drugs/alcohol/etc. The background “Time to Go Home” sample replays throughout, which Rapsody incorporates into her lyrics. The second verse is from the perspectives of a mother and a daughter who are shot and killed in a park by stray gunfire stemming from a nearby argument. The mother notices the men escalated tensions and tries to leave but it’s too late, and Rapsody provides their final words as they lay dying. In the final verse, Rapsody closes out the song from the perspective of two dead soldiers on opposite sides of the same war, drawing the parallels in the two and how they were more alike than they could have imagined. She injects raw emotion into each of the verses, changing up the delivery perfectly to make each of the stories hit home, regardless of your background.

This album was criminally under-appreciated by the masses this year, and I believe this is largely because of the sheer quantity of music that was released in 2017. Though it’s easy for great bodies of work to get lost in the sauce, this album does not deserve that fate. This is an album that deserves to be recognized as the best album of the year.

Laila’s Wisdom will be a classic that will be talked about for years to come, and I’m excited to see Rapsody continue to grow and build a career that will see her go down as one of the all-time greats of hip-hop.

Written by Lewis Holloway

Digital Druglord - Blackbear

My favorite album of the year comes from the artist by the name of blackbear. One where the central themes of women and drugs are prevalent but he’s still able to convince the listener into feeling for him. Making you feel what he feels, whether it be lust, betrayal, or feeling numb. Digital Druglord does just that. Whether you put yourself in his shoes or you tie in his lyrics to your own life, emotions will be felt. So, in essence, the act of feeling and feeling nothing, are the main drive in the creation of this album. The inner struggle with drugs, being taken advantage of, and not being able to love is broad but connects to plenty of hearts. Feelings of bitterness and a sense of hopelessness are stained in each track and will leave you alone to wonder if you could be able to cope with such a lifestyle and self-reflect.  Sonically, it comes together elegantly with Blackbear’s vocals layered on top of each other with melodic and catchy beats. It’s an album that’s worth to be listened to with an open mind, there is at least something you can take away personally from this project.

if i could i would feel nothing, stands out as the outlying track that sums up the album and puts a whole new meaning to being numb. It’s a song you play when nothing seems to be going your way or when life feels like in a cycle you cannot change. Blackbear is his most vulnerable on this track, from lyrics from, “Mixed prescriptions, bad decisions, world is cold and life’s not fair,” to “I’ve been prayin’ they won’t find me, laying somewhere in a ditch,” blackbear is having trouble accustoming to his newfound stardom.

Written by Kevin De La Cruz

Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator

Out of all the albums that came out this year, I would have to say that amongst the group Flower Boy by Tyler the Creator stuck out to me the most. As someone who has listened to Tyler from his early on cockroach eating days in his video for Yonkers, Tyler has come a long way with Flower Boy. This album as a whole is as bright as it’s album art and in my opinion a true artistically defining moment for Tyler. Tyler expressed that after his performance at his festival Camp Flog Gnaw he was glad to no longer had to perform Yonkers which was the song that got him on the map. He believed he had enough great songs on his album to retire that song from his performances, he was glad that he could finally be himself and not the crazy Tyler everyone expects him to be. In Flower Boy, there are 14 tracks each their own work of art. What stuck out to me about this album is that each song is catchy in their own way, each song has a hook that almost everyone can sing along to examples being “Run it, run it, run it, run it I rock, I roll, I bloom, I glow (I glow)” from Where This Flower Blooms or “who dat boy, who him is” from Who Dat Boy and “ boredom, boredom, boredom, boredom” from his song Boredom with Rex Orange County and Anna Of The North, to name a few. However, the song that sticks out to me the most was Where This Flower Blooms which featured Frank Ocean. The song is essentially a story talking about his early beginnings about living at his grandmother’s house and having to sleep on the floor due to having no bed. There were nights where he had nothing to eat but had supportive friends that would let him stay at their place and cook for him, which he saw as his second family. He talks about how the Rent-a-Center, a furniture store known for allowing payment plans would call and show up to his home for repossession of the items due to lack of payments. However, now he can afford luxuries such as expensive cars which is something he brings up numerous times in the album.

“Now I skrrt, skrrt, skrrt, skrrt, in toys I only dreamed that I could afford, now I roll through Okaga”

In that he means that he can now drive his expensive cars he dreamt about through Okaga which has been speculated to be a place where Tyler can be free to do whatever he wants due to the success he has worked so hard for throughout the years. In the hook, he says “I rock, I roll, I bloom, I grow (I glow)” which to me means his progression as an artist, Tyler has truly bloomed from this album which may be the reason he named the album Flower Boy. He is not only seen as a rapper but a true creative. Tyler has come far from his early days of sleeping on the floor to being a rapper, record producer, music video director, and now designer of his own brand. Flower Boy truly captured his growth and I believe is a true representation of who Tyler Okonma truly is.

Written by Stephanie Salas

Cozy Tapes Vol.2: Too Cozy - A$AP MOB

Grab your surfboards, A$AP MOB making waves again!

The second installation of A$AP’s Cozy Tapes was released as part of “The AWEGEST” campaign which saw the release of Asap Ferg’s Still Striving, Twlevyy’s album 12 and the unveiling of a website, awgeshit.com, a home base created by The Mobs influences in music fashion and culture. Back to the album haha

Cozy’s intro is a roast session among teens, in a bus on the way to Yamborghini High, letting you know A$AP is about to take you to school. The engineering is top of the line. Contributions from A-listers Hit-Boy, RZA, and Hector Delgado (an A$AP staple) deliver intoxicating posse cuts: Perry Aye and What Happens mixed in with tracks that make you want to spazz out like the Bahamas, Please Shut Up, and of course Feel So Good. Along with producers comes a bevy of featured artists (Jaden Smith, Gucci Mane, Frank Ocean etc…) who know the standard, and drop verses that exude confidence and challenge each other to prove who has the sauce, no one is just collecting a check here. The definite standouts on the album are Playboi Carti age 20 at the time of release age and Smooky MarGielaa age 15. 15!! Each deserve a rookie of the year award for hanging with veterans and not skipping a beat. Those honorable mentions shed light on the fact that the A$AP brand shows all the signs of growth for the future, consistency, and no slowing down. From its inception in Harlem to its blog on Tumblr led by A$AP Yams {R.I.P} to its rise in power from rap crew to Monolith, A$AP Mob has cemented itself as a pillar in Hip-Hop. Evident as the leaders in music fashion and whatever else they put their hands on, A$AP is going to continue to push boundaries influence and inspire the future generations as they are doing now. Wrapping up the album, the message for “shit is real out here love each other lift each other up … do whatever you want but you can’t change this fucked up world if you’re dead.” Always Strive And Prosper. Insert wave emojis xxx

Written by David Magadan

Verse 2 - JJ Project 

JJ Project did a comeback after 5 years on July 2017 with the most beautiful and meaningful album I’ve ever heard this year.

“Tomorrow, Today” the song title talks about how people between 20-25 go

through a phase where they are lost and don’t know what to do with their life. I believe many people can relate to this song because nowadays a lot of young adults are facing this in their lives where they’re lost and want to give up, where they expect people to take them and guide them when the reality is that you have to look for yourself and have to find your own path. All the songs have meaningful lyrics talking about life, relationships, and friendship.

You can definitely feel the meaning of the songs and not only the lyrics, the music is amazing with vibes of R&B and Soul that can make you feel at peace and happy.

The mission of JJ Project was to make a beautiful and meaningful album to help us find our way and they achieved it because thanks to this album I feel like I’m not the only one facing a lot of things. Even if it’s in Korean you should take a time to listen (and look up for the translations of the songs of course) I assure you this album will help you find your way.

Written by Carolina Maddox

Tell Me You Love Me - Demi Lovato

Demi Lovato, the prized Disney starlet, comes back in 2017 with a vengeance to be respected by the world, she’s gracefully singing to the world to tell her they love her, and she’s not sorry for it. Through her YouTube Red documentary, you see her story of this albums process and it’s both wonderful and alarming.

Tell Me You Love Me, the title track tells a story of insecurities, needing to have a significant other in her life, and the need to fill that void within her. She’s vulnerable in her flaws and the strong urge to keep this relationship intact. From the infatuation driven honeymoon relationship of Sexy Dirty Love, she seems to be exploring her sexuality casually with others till finally finding one that drives her crazy in the best ways. 

You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore, tells a story of her breaking up with her past-self filled with addictions and an eating disorder. Often, we feel bad for ourselves and expect pity from external sources, she finally picks herself up and decides enough is enough. To leave a lover is one thing, but to rip apart a past version of yourself is the most difficult breakup anyone can ever have. To want to grow and unlearn all these past agreements instilled in ones mind it brutal and excruciating mentally. 

Daddy Issues, she explores the duality of effects a father leaving a daughter emotionally drained at an early age could do in her future relationships. She expresses the fact she’s in love with broken men with commitment issues - a tough reality to admit. “You’re the man of my dreams, cause you know how to leave,” just like her father, she longs to find that in her soulmate. No matter how shitty he treats her, “lucky for [him]” she’s got daddy issues and will stay doing whatever he wants to keep him from leaving forever – like her father.

She insists jumping the boundary of having a platonic relationship to “Ruin the Friendship.” She talks about the sexy, fun, and a bit scandalous idea of wanting to hook up with a close friend or best friend. In what is a continuation of the last song, she expresses her strong desire to fill voids in Only Forever, giving that person a lifetime of chances. She’s firm in her request only to say that she’ll wait no matter how long it takes for them to be together.

Lonely and Crybaby showcase her effects of being left heartbroken to a lover she gave her all to. Demi seems to contradict herself throughout the album which is the foundation of humans. Lonely is Demi longing for her past lover yet continuously chasing love in hollow one-night stands. Crybaby shows her stubbornness to claim she isn’t one but admits that this lover really hit her heart where she had no choice but to weep. Those that hold themselves to be invincible emotionally when they do fall, they crash hard.

Games, in a digital age with Tinder and Bumble, relationships have become sort of a game to score. Technology has enhanced our ability to have options while simultaneously flooding our tear ducts with more hurt. Left on read, no double texting, late night “wyd” texts - all a result of lack of communication.

Occasionally through this harsh world, you meet a fantastic lover that can leave you scavenging for water and the inability to "Concentrate” after sex. She is so awestruck by the performance she’s willing to do anything and be a sex slave. I appreciate Demi’s ability to be so confident in her sexual urges without feeling shamed.

Demi from heartbreak to taking romantic risks in going on adventures with someone she trusts. Hitchhiker, tells a story of just going along for the ride and not overthinking all the labels people tend to put on relationships. She’s young, sexy, and confident. She has every right to be vulnerable while taking the risk at this new love that’s driving her wild.

I wanted to shed light on this beautiful album. She truly wowed me with her vulnerabilities, contradictions that make her human despite her celebrity, and flaws in self that make her, her. Although it was Grammy snubbed, it deserves to be recognized as a coming of age masterpiece. She uses her platform to tell girls it’s okay to be recklessly confident in yourself, it’s okay to rely on a lover and needing them, it’s okay to show weakness in this maddening hookup culture. She’s fearless in her desire to want to be heard for who she is. There’s duality in love, the good and bad will always be there and no human can be perfect. Neither is Demi, so give it a listen, and go tell her you love her.

Written by Erik De La Cruz

Harry Styles - Harry Styles (Self-titled)

If there is one thing to be true about the year 2017, it is that it has been one hell of a year for music. Harry Styles is definitely in my top 10 albums of the year and I was hesitant to listen to him at first since I was never a huge fan of One Direction. Let me tell you, I was completely wrong. Get ready to transport back to the 60′s with this funky rock and roll inspired album. There is a song for every mood and every song is a fresh new take on some of your favorite classic bands. On the contrary, Harry isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with this album, and you hear this in acoustic songs like Two Ghosts, Sweet Creature. His voice on melodic ballads of piano and guitar makes my heart melt and I am definitely all up in my feels when it comes to these songs. I love that the acoustics are balanced with fun and quirky rock songs like Kiwi and Carolina. You can catch me blasting these playful numbers in my car with my best friend belting out all the words. The energy is amazing and none of these songs ever get old.

The songs that spoke out to me the most would probably have to be Sign of the Times or From the Dining Table. Sign of the times is such a successful single that I believe goes into how hard and dark life can be. We have all felt lost and hopeless but we still have to keep moving forward. Our life here on Earth is very short lived and we go through many experiences but we all end up in the same place. This is a heavy song yet beautifully written and recorded. It showed us all a side of Harry that he kept hidden. He has grown so much since he first started his career. Harry’s From the Dining Table hits such a chord with me I don’t know if it’s because of his soft voice on a beautiful guitar piece or the simple yet powerful lyrics of being stuck in the middle of a love triangle. It is just the perfect way to end the album. He uses a symphony to break the bridge, which just emphasizes how perfectly layered his songs are. All of the different sounds and instruments give you the perfect listening experience. I would say this album is best heard in your headphones while walking out on the town, but that isn’t to say that you can’t listen to it all the way through on a nice long drive.

There is a song for every mood that you’re in, and it really shows how eclectic Harry is in his own music. Harry definitely proved to be such a great and charismatic solo artist and I am dying to hear what else he comes up with next. The nostalgia this album brings is just the icing on the cake. Whether you are a 13-year-old fanatic or an adult who was growing up during the greatest rock age of all time, this album is a go to. It’s nice to see how many different styles Harry has up his sleeves. If there is any music I am looking forward to in 2018, it is Harry’s next album. Don’t wait another minute, go stream Harry Style’s debut album right after you read this article, I promise you won’t regret one thing!

Written by Whitney Paramore

SweetSexySavage - Kehlani 

Feelings.

We all have them and we all deal with them every single day. Some in healthy ways, and in other ways not so much. We constantly search for ways to cope with our feelings and it’s not always easy trying to find something that will help get you through. SweetSexySavage was that album for me and that’s why I think it was one of the top albums of 2017.

Released on January 27, Kehlani’s debut studio album SweetSexySavage is a project that dropped so early in the year that it sometimes doesn’t get the credit it deserves. But if you take the time to listen and digest each track on this album, you’ll hear and feel the care and dedication paid to each song and understand the effort that went into making each song its own unique musical journey.

Kehlani’s strength lies in her most endearing quality; her relatability. Gay, straight, tatted-up, male or female it does not matter. She WILL have a song for you.

When the project first dropped and the title of the album was revealed it reminded of something but I couldn’t figure it out right away. After considering it a little bit, Kehlani drew inspiration for the album’s title from TLC’s classic cut CrazySexyCool.

And as a fan of 90’s R&B, she did an excellent job of drawing on older inspiration while curating a project that stayed true to her new sound that she nails so effortlessly. “Too Much” from the jump gives off those classic R&B vibes that make you wanna sing and dance like you’re in a 90’s music video. Producer Jahaan Sweet absolutely bodied this beat and it allowed for Kehlani’s lyricism and confidence to shine through for one of the highlight tracks off this album.

Speaking of confidence, Miss Parrish does little to dissuade from the idea that’s she’s lacking any. Songs like “Escape”, “Distraction” and “CRZY” all highlight Kehlani’s brash nature but they’re unique because they are all done in different ways.

“Escape” could be related to the Sweet portion of this album. It almost sounds like a ballad but after listening to the lyrics you realize it’s a woman who wants to be with someone, but not at the expense of either persons’ goals or personal happiness. She doesn’t want anything long-term; she simply asks “baby, can we, Escape?”

“Distraction” keeps the emphasis on the short term in a very sexy way. The Grammy-nominated track does not shy away from keeping things “100” in this type of situation. Making it very clear that she’s not looking for anything serious. “Are you down to be, a distraction?” is an ode to all of us who have felt at one time or another that a relationship isn’t something I probably want to have with this person, but I wouldn’t mind having a little fun with this person either. I would also strongly recommend you watch the music video for this song if you haven’t already. It furthers highlights the sexuality Kehlani wanted to evoke in the song while giving off an early Destiny’s Child vibe with all the creative set pieces throughout the video. Definitely one of my favorite videos and songs for the year.

“CRZY” was the lead single that dropped for the album and it let you know right away that she wasn’t going to just rest on her laurels after coming off a Grammy-nominated mixtape You Should Be Here. The song is as savage as it gets. The song is filled with lyrics that let you know that she is a force and will be around for the long haul so you better get used to it. She lets you know from the beginning of the record that “I got it, and you goin respect it” and if you have any questions about who she is, she’ll be straight up and tell you “If I gotta be a bitch, Ima be a bad one”.

Like all of us, however, we all don’t feel confident 24/7. We have our moments of insecurity and feelings of vulnerability and she has songs like “Advice” and “In My Feelings” that connect to that.

“Advice” can hit home with almost anyone who listens to it; a relationship has gone wrong, leaving one with lingering questions as to why it didn’t work out the way we thought it would. “How is the man of my dreams, not a man of his words?” is a line that people who have felt wronged in relationships can immediately gravitate to. However, Kehlani does offer a silver lining. Even with all the hurt that this relationship has brought, she makes it known that “it’s time to take my own advice” and sometimes that’s all most of us really need. We’ve all had times where we’ve given other people relationship advice but when it comes to ourselves, the answers don’t appear so easily. Kehlani let’s you know that you’ve been hurt, but now it’s time to get up, move on and start taking your own advice.

“In My Feelings” piggybacks off of the idea of confused thoughts and temporary feelings. Kehlani keeps the relatable lyrics going with “and I don’t know why I’m even still here…why do I feel this? I’m in my feelings”. At some point, there has been that person in your life that you felt you had some sort of connection with and even with the signs saying you shouldn’t keep messing with this person, something about that person keeps you interested in them. Kehlani’s right there with you; saying you’re not the only one probably holding on to something that really isn’t there.

We could go into the production and the lyrics for hours and hours when it comes to this album. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all top notch and the quality is outstanding. But it all circles back to one main reason why we listen to music. To help us feel a certain type of way. Very few artists today can pull off that feat with such style, confidence, and passion the way Kehlani can. I know that when I’m feeling depressed, ecstatic, hurt or happy I can throw on a Kehlani song and immediately know that there is someone out there who is feeling what I’m feeling and can relate to what I’m going through. As you listen to Kehlani’s incredible voice and captivating lyrics bump through your speakers, be ready to feel all types of emotions from one the best singers we have in our generation today. It won’t take long for you tell why SweetSexySavage was one of the best albums of 2017.

Written by Leonard Pinckney

Soft Sounds From Another Planet - Japanese Breakfast

The human experience is one akin to that of a celestial being. It feels like it is out of the scope of our minds, and not meant to be understood. After all, humans are just animals burdened with this consciousness. The word burdened is used intentionally here because that is what it is. Sure, humanity is what it is because of it, but this anxiety about existence, is draining. It is obscenely frightening. It is suffocating, entrancing, engrossing, claustrophobic. To many, the mere thought of it drives them to temporary insanity. Being a human is not easy. Navigating the social constructs erected by humans of the past is exhausting. It is fucking confusing. Things like love, death, and sex make up the most polarizing facets of being a human, and they deserve to be celebrated and analyzed. It feels almost mundane to not worry about what else is beyond us. It feels like we are doing the world a disservice by not understanding our existence or purpose. The beauty of it is being able to revel in the human experience of others, and music is a perfect medium to share experiences like these through. Music is such an easy way to connect because there are no words that can explain abstract concepts such as those in any succinct way. Human vocabulary just cannot convey such specific and complicated information.

Michelle Zauner, also known as Japanese Breakfast, aims to ease your anxiety about life in her new LP, Soft Sounds from Another Planet, where she covers everything from femininity and self-love, to the duality of humans and their actions. Michelle communicates her experience and masterfully crafts an epiphany-inducing sonic journey that will take your breath away upon first listen, and demand many, many more subsequent ones. This album came at a perfect time for me. 2017 was the year of loss, change, disappointment, and heartbreak. 2017 was the year where I felt that everything I was sure about was utterly wrong. It was the year I got lost. Lost in my thoughts. Lost in the past. Lost in the future. Lost in the world. This album, however, has left seeds of hope and happiness in the voids where there were only encroaching voids of endless despair.

The first single on the LP, Machinist, details falling in love with a robot. This track is filled with sweeping synths and Michelle’s voice is obfuscated with an impressive layer of auto-tune, which is a joy to listen to. It is a sci-fi narrative that comes together to materialize an upbeat, jazzy nu-disco track that will make you want to dance until you listen to the lyrics and realize how the love portrayed in this track mirrors what love feels like between humans. To me, this song is about loving a “robot”. Not necessarily a real robot, but someone who is cold, and does not have your best interests at the forefront of their minds. To me, it is about loving someone selfish, and no matter what, they have “total control”, as the monotonous voice in the song professes. It seems almost inevitable when in love, however, one person is always going to care more, and the one that cares less ultimately has all the power in the relationship. To me, that is why this track is so powerful. We tend to forget that sometimes, and we need to realize love is about more than you. Love is not about control, love is about nurturing your partner and yourself. This track is a cautionary tale to those in love to not lose focus, and become a “robot,” because sometimes we become robots inadvertently in our daily lives.

The next single, Boyish, details a scene of jealousy, and self-consciousness. Where Zauner shows the unhealthy side of jealousy and the irrationality of it all. More importantly, however, she shows the humanity in it. She really emphasizes the fear of being unwanted by the one you love. It evokes such a commanding tone of self-deprecation and self-hatred. Michelle belts out lyrics like, “So here we are, we’re just two losers/I want you and you want something more beautiful”, where you can feel the disappointment in her voice. You can feel the hurt. If you know the feeling, your heart will sink and you’ll be brought back to the time when your own insecurities absolutely tore you apart and made you feel unloved by your significant other, over something seemingly insignificant. This track is so clever because, at the end, we realize she is feeling this way because he had looked at a waitress in the restaurant they were at and she felt like she was inferior to her. I think it just shows how sensitive, and irrational we become when it comes to love, and when it comes to being sure of ourselves. It shows the fragility of the perception of ourselves, and how easy anger and jealousy can completely take over at times. Humans tend to lose control when they feel like what is theirs is threatened, in this case, it is feeling like the other person is theirs. It seems like these kinds of attachments are unnecessary and only cause suffering, might it be a necessary evil? Maybe.

The third and final single off the album, Road Head, is an upbeat, guitar-filled romp about trying to save a dying relationship. In this track, Zauner recalls a moment where she did what seemed like a last-ditch effort to save a relationship through something wildly sexual, such as, road head. Listening to her speak about this experience is heartbreaking because she obviously was so deeply in love with this person, she would’ve done anything to save the dying relationship. Ultimately though, it was for the best, as she mentions that this person was abusive and told her that she would never make it in the music business. Again, this just holds to what was shown in the first single about being the one who cares more in a relationship, the other person has all the power and you’d do almost anything to save it. The feeling of unwanted-ness seems almost inevitable for one side. This song is important because it ends with her running away and chasing her dreams, which to me really resonates with the period of growth most people try to chase after heartbreak, which is the most important part. The growth.

To me, one of the most powerful tracks is called, 12 Steps, which is about Zauner’s own experience in ending in a relationship, where she had met the love of her life in a bar while she was dating someone else at the time. Michelle says this song is somewhat an apology to that person, but I think it really explains what goes on when love has run its course. Sometimes love ends, and sometimes we need to move on and find our own way. Changes like these are devastating but sometimes necessary. That is the message this track speaks to, and to me, it is relieving, from either side.

The rest of the album visits themes like surviving trauma and dealing with death. The track, The body is a blade, talks about moving on with your life even as your mental state deteriorates. To me, it really shows the disconnect between the physical world and your mental world. No matter what happens to you, the world is going to keep moving, and your body is going to keep moving. What needs to happen is your mind needs to catch on and you need to allow yourself to move along with the world.

This album is a guiding light. It is cathartic. It is enlightening. It is raw emotion from another human, that has been distilled into pure musical bliss. It conveys the lowest feelings that we can ever feel but leaves you with the hope to recover. To me, that is beautiful.

Written by Eduardo Escoto

Luv Is Rage 2 - Lil Uzi Vert

Lil Uzi Vert. The Stephen Curry of rap. In my opinion, Lil Uzi is talented but substance and culturally he has adapted to the typical mumble rap that is today where everyone raps about is bitches, money, jewelry, cars, drugs. Uzi in LUV IS RAGE 2 does follow this path but he shows glimpses of actual talent in his songs.

Dark Queen: Lil Uzi in this song talks about how he is an artist and rappers in all generations get swallowed by the industry and change. Mostly for the bad with substance and crime. He talks about how his mom was worried that he will spend time in jail and he promises he will wash up and show his mom that he wants to stay true to himself and his family despite having this high class and famed lifestyle. When I heard this song while just playing this album in the background of me playing basketball this sounded very different from all the other songs he had in this album. I could tell he really poured extra time and effort on this song and other songs which I’ll get to.

The Way Life Goes: This is personally my favorite song on the album and maybe even from all of Uzi’s music. This song sampled landslide by oh wonder. I think Uzi took the part that reflects more with what he was going through and which was heartbreak. He talks about his ex-girlfriend Brittney. And how their relationship seemed so promising and that there was a side of Uzi that he really wanted to change to “that perfect companion” to her because she deserved that and she was the only person he wanted to change for but to let go of the lifestyle he had aspired to chase his entire life was too hard to give up especially after just obtaining it and grasping the industry at such a young age. He hints at getaway vacations he had with Brittney like in Hawaii where they were already in serious talks of full commitment. But because of him still wanting to keep the Rockstar lifestyle she left him for a man who was fully committed to her. Which is something he couldn’t give but meant the most to her, not the money. Then Uzi really realized he’s missing something that he can’t buy with money. Which is true love that he can offer and fully commit to one. He continues to hint that he’s still heartbroken through most of the songs on the album which is called LUV IS RAGE 2 for a reason.

Pretty Mami: Pretty Mami isn’t the most relevant song to my main point of the side of Uzi that he really pours into love. But in pretty Mami, Uzi found a girl in the coast. Not clear where but he says, “Spanish girl named Rosa and she from the coast”. He states that this girl is a temporary hold for the hole that that is empty in his heart that used to belong to Britney. This girl was pretty, nice, good but he misses even how Brittney would tell him when he’s wrong so he learns from that. He prefers that than “a yes-women” who agrees and just goes along with what Uzi wants instead of telling him when he’s wrong to make him a better person. Now, the most popular song on the album and of Uzi’s career.

XO TOUR Llif3: This song not only is good but Uzi pulls in different parts of what’s going on in his life into this one song. In this song, Uzi really goes into the lonely life that he has now. He has everything he needs but he truly doesn’t have any “friends” he refers to his friends as the faces on dollar bills as his only friends that never change because of his fame. He hints at his ex-girlfriend Brittney in here in the chorus saying how she was suicidal because the way Uzi treated her during the end of their relationship while she tried to make it last but Uzi clearly had other things that were more important at the time than her. The way his relationship ended with her truly made him turn to drugs to help numb the pain that he’s feeling. And because of that, the drugs led him to other drugs that turned him suicidal and really contemplated about “blowing his brains out”. In the music video of this song, you see the satanic side of him showing that he sold his soul to the devil or he just truly vows to Lucifer which he mentions multiple times in this album. His girlfriend admitted that she wasn’t afraid to kill herself no matter what happened throughout the outcome of their relationship which stuck in the back of Uzi’s mind that he felt bad for making her go through that. And almost led him to do the same and was only “pushing him to the edge of suicidal”. Overall this album was my favorite throughout the year. The beats in this album were crazy and I saw a side of Uzi that I never knew existed and I really like that from him and I hope to see more of this side from him because I really enjoy this side of him and some of my favorite songs from him are his heartbreak songs.

Written by Anthony Pantoja

War & Leisure - Miguel

Miguel has long been one of the premiere R&B singers. If there’s any detriment to Miguel’s ability as an artist, it’s that he arrived on the scene around the same time as Frank Ocean and The Weeknd. However with neither of the latter releasing an individual album during 2017 (although you could argue Frank Ocean’s singles were arguably better than many albums this year) Miguel is given space to show off one of the best voices in music. In Miguel’s 4th solo album, War & Leisure, he finds the perfect balance between of upbeat Pop/R&B and dark brooding guitars that contrast the album.

The first four songs of Miguel’s War & Leisure are some of his best work as an artist. This quarter of the album plays out like waking up the morning after a nostalgic, buzzed night. 

On Miguel’s opening track “Criminal,” brooding, dusty guitar riffs blend seamlessly with Miguel’s voice before it gives way to one of Rick Ross’ better verses in recent memory. 

“Pineapple Skies” (my favorite track on the record) sounds like a fusion of tropical house and funk. This track also showcases the incredibly wide range of Miguel’s singing ability and, in my mind, further cements him as one of the best active singers in modern music.

“Sky Walker” is probably Miguel’s most popular track from War & Leisure and for good reason. The chemistry between Miguel and Travi$ Scott is unmistakable. Perfectly complimenting each other in a way that almost sounds like Miguel doing a Travi$ Scott impersonation in his own unique way and vice versa. The album takes a darker turn as soon as we come to track 5 “Wolf,” with a song that sounds all too familiar for Miguel. Heavy uses of distorted guitars and Miguel’s cadence on this track give off a punk 50’s crooner feel to the song. “Harem” is another highlight of the album and in my opinion, one of the smoothest songs Miguel has made to date. From the slow drum beat, spacey guitar riffs, and Miguel’s ability to switch his pitch at moment’s notice this is a near perfect track in my mind.

The only song that feels out of place from a cohesion standpoint is the song “Told You So.” After which the album maintains a darker tone to it. Caramelo Duro was also an incredibly unique track in which Miguel finally sings a verse in Spanish on his album. The first time he’s ever done so (to my knowledge) and he executes perfectly.

All in all, this is a fantastic album that has made me realize how much I’ve missed Miguel in the R&B space. He brings an unmistakable and authentic feel to his music while maintaining the sound that has made him one of music’s best.

Written by Alex Perry  

Sonder Son - Brent Faiyaz

2017 was Brent Faiyaz’s year. From singing the hook of the century in Goldlink’s Crew to dropping his debut album ‘Sonder Son’, Brent Faiyaz has garnered the attention from the world that he deserves. This year was an exceptional year for R&B and it is easy to get lost in all of the commotions that albums like Freudian’ and ‘Ctrl’ have created, but ‘Sonder Son’ is not one of those albums to get lost in the mix. Faiyaz’s debut album gives us something authentic, genuine, and pure. While his voice is already all of those qualities in and of itself, ‘Sonder Son’ puts our ears under a stethoscope to explore the different pulses of his life thus far. The 22-year-old beautifully introduces himself to the world through the songs in his debut album. The word sonder means; “the realization that every passerby is living a life as vivid and as complex as our own – causing each of our experiences to flow into each other.” Faiyaz grants us entrance into his own vivid and complex life through this album in hopes that it will somehow connect to our own experiences. The rich picture that he paints about his life through his words highlights our humanity and the struggles we face as people. The raw emotions felt from his incredibly silky smooth voice is R&B at its core. Music as personal and vulnerable as this can be credited to the incredible push he and his manager made to be an independent artist. ‘Sonder Son’ is a perfect example of what it is like to make music from your heart without the restrictions and agendas that the labels want to push onto talented artists. Overall, ‘Sonder Son’ is a refreshingly vulnerable album that gives us insight into the struggles of a now successful artist that listeners will undoubtedly appreciate.

Written by Kyle Solano

Mansionz - Mansionz (Self-titled)

As the year winds down and I reflect on the music that was released, Mansionz always comes to my mind as one of the most memorable albums this year. Mike Posner and Blackbear collaborating was a stroke of genius and a breath of fresh air. With the oversaturation of monotonous trap and mumble rap, Bear and Mike keep it refreshing and honest when it comes to the lyricism and instrumentals.

One of the things I really enjoyed about the experience of this album was the separate personas that Mike and Bear play into. Mike plays the artistic and more introverted side of humanity while Blackbear plays the party animal, the asshole, the selfish side of humanity. Together, the two creatives represent a duality that comes with fame. While one side of being famous wants to push the envelope and expand on art, the other side wants to party hard, drink and do drugs. This contrast, whether intentional or not, add so much to this masterpiece of an album and plays perfectly into every song.

Tracks like “My Beloved”, “A Million Miles”, “White Linen”, and “Gorgeous” all explore the idea of this duality and finds the artist having different perspectives on subjects such as women, relationships, and fame. Where Mike will be happy that he got to play his guitar, Bear talks about having a threesome at some party. Mike wants to have a stable relationship while Bear wants to spend all his money and go on vacation trips. This is where the album really shines for me in showing that, deep down, everybody has conflicting emotions that question our morality. Mansionz isn’t afraid of being honest and straightforward about how they think and behave.

While the duo has different views on certain subjects, they also seem to agree on much of the time. Both “STFU” and “Dennis Rodman” portray Mike and Bear being assholes and wanting to live life how they want to, not bound to social norms or opinions. “Nobody Knows” finds Mike and Bear admitting that, no matter what they say or do, they really don’t know anything. No amount of alcohol, women, or religion can assure anything because, to the duo, they have no certainty. Both artists repeat that they hate everything they love, and in turn, they love all the things that they hate, which gives off a tone of uncertainty, being lost, and loneliness. While depressing, the duo agrees that life isn’t simple and no matter how much you believe, you’ll probably end up believing in too much.

Of course, there is much more to Mansionz than a dual mindset; the group has much more to say. “Rich White Girls” is a very satirical song about white girls and their daddy issues, describing the difficulty in trying to please them.

“I’m thinking about horses” seems to be the odd one out of the bunch, in that, it is a spoken word poem performed only by Mike Posner, nobody else. The poem consists of random thoughts that Mike has that relates to his existence and purpose, like comparing horses, who are mighty and powerful but “trade their freedom for a dependable meal,” to humanity, revealing that maybe we are all slaves but yet have the power to break free. Or comparing his father’s growing age to standing against a growing tidal wave, unprepared without swimwear, showing how uncontrollable his situation is. Not only is the track extremely poetic and beautiful in its comparisons and metaphors, but the performance is extreme and heart-wrenching. Mike’s deepest thoughts and fears scream out with passion and pain. “I’m thinking about horses” fits perfectly as an interlude that shifts the focus of the album from being “assholish” to being more compassionate and poetic. Much more can be discussed about this track as it is the deepest cut on the album, but this review would go on for way too long if I did, so I’ll leave it at that.

The album finishes off with “The Life of a Troubadour” which plays out like a story. Both artists represent who they are, Mike being the artistic Troubadour who just wanted to spend the night with the princess, to Bear who plays the power-hungry Mad Hatter who wants to steal the throne. The track ends with The Mad Hatter killing the Troubadour, which represents the death of art in modern day music. The ending is fitting and sums the entire album up nicely in a sort of bedtime story.

Aside from all the metaphorical and poetic ties that this album has, sonically, it is a fun experience. “Wicked” sounds like a fusion between a 90’s pop song and a Blackbear song, and it’s amazing. Other tracks like “Dennis Rodman”, “My Beloved”, “Nobody Knows”, and basically every other track on this album all have great energy and synergy between Mike and Bear. Although this album is not My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy levels of production, the production is solid and very enjoyable.

After all is said and done, why should I listen to this album, you may ask. Aside from being poetic and artsy, the music sounds incredible and each track weaves perfectly together to create a unique experience that I’ve never heard before. Other than that, there’s not much more I can say other than just to go and listen to it right now. I could stand and preach all day about this album and how it deserves more recognition but in reality, it’s up to you, the reader, to decipher for yourself as to why Mansionz is such a gem of an album. Maybe it’s the best album or maybe it’s the worst, nobody knows.

 Written by Alexander Apodaca

Melodrama – Lorde

My favorite album of the year was Melodrama by Lorde! I became a really big fan of Lorde’s in 2015. Her album Pure Heroine brought me back to my teenage self and Lorde touched my soul. Fast forward to June 19th when I heard Melodrama for the first time … I sat on my bed with my journal in hand and earphones on full blast. A sigh of relief! Lorde makes me feel very emotional. She will put you on a rollercoaster of emotions throughout the album. From happy dance parties, to feeling sad, lonely, to feeling good and loving yourself! Lorde makes me feel free! I can dance and cry to her music in one sitting.

Hard Feelings/Loveless is my MOST favorite song on the album. I wrote in my journal to remember this feeling. It was a perfect moment, feeling relief & Lorde was speaking to me. I even shed a tear or two. It is two songs in one, but they mesh so well together. Lorde calls the second half, Loveless, a bizarre little outro. She said the song altogether is a heartfelt breakup song. She is finding solitude in being alone and caring for herself.

Standout lyrics:

“I light all the candles, cut flowers for all my rooms, I care for myself the way I used to care about you, these days, we kiss and we keep busy, the waves come after midnight, I call from underwater, why even try to get right, when you’ve outgrown a lover, the whole world knows but you.”

Loveless transitions into its own song with Lorde saying “baby” very faintly and then Paul Simon saying “what is this tape? This is my favorite tape,” that she sampled. I feel like it’s her rebellion speaking of wanting to be heartless, “bet you want to rip my heart out, bet you want to skip my calls now. Well, guess what? I like that.” I feel like after a major heartbreak we become a bit of rebel ourselves. We rebel to love. Are we actually a L-O-V-E-L-E-S-S generation?

When I heard Supercut for the first time I was very emotional and sad, but happy too. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Lorde said it is a sister song to Ribs from Pure Heroine. Ribs is my MOST favorite Lorde song. In my journal, I wrote, “hearing this for the first time feels so great.” Although I was talking about one song – it’s how I feel about the whole album. In an interview with The Spinoff Lorde says, “I felt the way I used to feel when I made music as a kid and it felt like I could cry because it’s such a relief to get out how you’re feeling for the first time.” I felt this when I heard Supercut also because it was nostalgic to listening to Pure Heroine. So many feelings at the same time and it’s a relief to feel. Reliving memories of people you love and remembering the feelings you felt. It’s like remembering a dream.

“In my head, I play a supercut of us, all the magic we gave off, all the love we had and lost, and in my head, the visions never stop, these ribbons wrap me up, but when I reach for you, there’s just a supercut.”

Liability was a surprise single from Melodrama in early March 2017. To be a “liability” is to be burdensome. Lorde said in a Beats interview: “I had this realization that because of my lifestyle and what I do for work there’s going to be a point with every single person around me where I’m going to be a tax on them in some way.” She found self-love and understood that she needs to be happy with herself. Although it may be a liability with her lifestyle she will always have herself to love and care for. Self-love is something I personally have tried very hard to work on. It will always be a work in progress, but remember to love yourself. Nurture the relationship you have with yourself and you’ll no longer feel like a liability to others.

“So I guess I’ll go home into the arms of the girl that I love, the only love I haven’t screwed up, she’s so hard to please but she’s a forest fire, I do my best to meet her demands, play at romance, we slow dance in the living room, but all that a stranger would see, is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek.”

Lorde went from teenage angst in Pure Heroine to coping with a breakup, finding self-love, and finding comfort in solitude in Melodrama. “I’m actually rewiring to become an adult. All that is insane.” The theme throughout the album is about the highs and lows of a relationship. You will definitely get into your feelings while listening to the album. Melodrama deserves so much recognition! Lorde co-produced every song on the album! She worked alongside Jack Antonoff, Frank Dukes, Malay, and many others. Her songwriting is absolutely incredible. It was playing on my speakers throughout this year. Luckily for me, I was able to see her live for the first time in 2017. Lorde did not disappoint live or with her sophomore album Melodrama.

Written by Valerie Rosales

CTRL by SZA

After a string of EPs, various features on fellow-TDE tracks, writing credits for both Rihanna and Beyoncé, endless album delays, internal label drama, and a sudden threat to quit music, it seemed like SZA’s album would never see the light of day. However, on June 9th, 2017, the First Lady of Top Dawg Entertainment finally released her debut full-length album entitled, CTRL. Vulnerability. Insecurities. Womanhood. Losing control. Gaining control. Everything real and relatable is actualized in SZA’s breakthrough album. Both lyrically and vocally, the songstress’ most cohesive work to date pushes the boundaries of the R&B realm. Even in 2017 – a year in which R&B seemed to thrive like never before, SZA established not only her own unique sound but her worthy place in the genre. Fourteen tracks of ethereal vocals, overlaying mesmerizing synth-induced beats, sprinkled nostalgic references to ‘90s pop culture, seamlessly mixed in JT, River Tiber, and Drake samples, and features from Pharrell, Travis Scott, Isaiah Rashad, James Fauntleroy, and Kendrick Lamar, the long-awaited release of CTRL has proven to be well worth the wait. 

The album explores the perils of modern dating, sexual freedom, and the internal battles of self-love in the most brutally honest way. SZA exhibits a vast amount of self-awareness by asking herself, “Why I can’t stay alone just by myself? / Wish I was comfortable just with myself / But I need you” in “Supermodel” and in “Drew Barrymore,” bluntly admits, “I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth / We get so lonely, we pretend that this works.” She plays with one-sided love, illustrated in “Love Galore” asking her temporary lover, “Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me? Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?” but is accepting of the chaos of it all in “The Weekend” singing, “The feelin’ is reckless / Of knowin’ it’s selfish / And knowin’ I’m desperate / Getting’ all in your love / Fallin’ all over love, like / Do it ‘til it hurts less.” After all that promiscuous havoc though, SZA, ultimately, is in search of a worthy and grounding kind of love asking her potential lover, “Can you remind me of my gravity? Ground me when I’m tumblin’, spiralin’, plummetin’ down to Earth / You keep me down to Earth” in the song “Garden (Say It Like Dat)”. An album so multifaceted with songs about temporary lovers, past lovers, and weekend lovers, it is impossible to not find something applicable to our own complex forays in love.

In a society where women are still scrutinized for owning their sexuality, CTRL delves into the subject full force. Throughout the entire album, SZA displays complete comfort in her sexuality. In the Kendrick Lamar featured track, “Doves In The Wind”, she gives power to the pussy with K. Dot rapping, “Niggas’ll lose they mind for it / Wine for it, dine for it–pussy / Spend time for it, see no colored line for it–pussy” which is representative of the idea that men will do anything for it. In the song, “Normal Girl” where she samples Drake’s “Controlla” she croons, “You like it, when I be, aggressive / You like when I say to you / Get it if you got it, I’m ready and waitin’ for it / I’m callin’ to put it on, yeah” revealing how she isn’t like a “Normal Girl” and in such a patriarchal subject, she knows what she wants. In a sense, SZA is gaining CTRL by finding empowerment in her sexuality versus the societal norm of shame when it comes to women on this subject matter.

The album poetically sums up the quarter-life crisis with authentic candor. SZA acknowledges the things we have trouble admitting to ourselves in a manner that simultaneously stings but reassures us that we are not alone in these inner conflicts. In the song “Prom”, she expresses the constant internal musings of a young adult trying to find a sense of purpose, “Fearin’ not growin’ up / Keepin’ me up at night / Am I doin’ enough? / Feel like I’m wastin’ time” and, again, on “20 Something” singing, “All alone still / Not a thing in my name / Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love / Only know fear.” Her lyricism displays the fluctuating self-esteem of the average 20-something. To tie it all in, scattered in between songs are words of wisdom from SZA’s own mother and grandmother. Throughout the entirety of CTRL, SZA displays the true strength in vulnerability. It is a reminder in the form of an album that lets us all know we don’t all have it together and that that’s okay.

CTRL thoroughly tackles what it’s like to be a 20-something searching for love, entertaining temporary highs, struggling with insecurities, and the harsh realities we face while trying to find our purpose in the world. As of October 2017, the album has been certified gold and with her single “Love Galore” hitting platinum, and “The Weekend” (which wasn’t even released as a single) also hitting platinum, her success knows no limits. With such a strong breakout year, there’s no telling how far her talents will take her. There’s no question as to why she is the most nominated female artist for the upcoming Grammys. This is just the beginning of SZA taking CTRL.

Written by Rachel Reyes

Freudian - Daniel Caesar

Daniel Caesar, the Canadian R&B and soul singer-songwriter, risked it all for his music career. He became frustrated by his stagnation and moved to the city homeless pursuing stardom. The night of his graduation he left with a garbage bag full of clothes. Where he had to make his own family. He struggled early with his parents because of his desire to sing love songs in which they would tell him, “if you’re not going to sing songs glorifying God, anything that isn’t doing that specifically is glorifying Satan.” To which they finally came down to a mutual understanding that “God is love.”

“This whole album is the arc from the inception to the death of just the most intense relationship of my life.” – Beats 1 Interview

Get You became his breakout single which has amassed millions of streams pushing him into mainstream stardom. The song entails him being awe-struck with his capability of getting such an out of this world and way above his perceived “type” of a lover. The world is constantly experiencing droughts, famine, and natural disasters. Daniel explains how whenever he’s with her it’s like being in their own world. The song is in a self-reflective state where Daniel feels he doesn’t deserve everything he’s been given but simultaneously appreciative of it. In this relationship, they were both going through so many things together so being able to have that enhanced their bonding. He states that during this period he would have nonstop sex because there was nothing better to do. This is the first moment that Caesar introduces a principle of Freud, with the id. The id is the unconscious, impulsive part of the psyche which operates on the “pleasure principle” which seeks immediate pleasure and gratification. Kali Uchis states, “the memories, it’s all just memories” may allude to the suppression principle included in Freud’s studies. Kali displays gratitude towards her lover knowing that nothing is forever and to appreciate what you have now.

Best Part is the smooth honey-like duet we didn’t know we wanted. Alongside H.E.R. they express their adoration for their significant other. The beauty of being someone’s favorite anything is something long romanticized and fantasized about. He compares her to water when you’re stuck in a desert as someone he can’t live without. She is “the sunshine of [his] life” which is ironic that she is both the water that quenches him and the sunshine on his life which would dehydrate him in the first place. Despite the duality of love, she is the best part of his life. In a digital generation, the importance of movies and videos is extreme. A favorite movie is usually held close to someone’s heart and calling a lover the “best part” about it, is worth swooning over. “If you love me won’t you say something,” is both a plea and a question. Unaware if this person feels requited love for him. Often when you begin to hang out with someone feelings rise to the point of uncertainty – do they feel the same? Especially if they become the best part of your life’s movie. In a subtle beg, he whispers “love me, won’t you…?”

Hold Me Down, an interesting tale of insecurities and love that is tearing apart at the seams. It starts off with a soft conversation between Daniel and his girl asking “could you, could you say? ‘I love you Danny’” to which she replies, “you want me to?” and then she does. It then transitions into the chorus, “if you love me baby let me hear you say it,” he is certain that he is her favorite despite being left in the basement, thrown on the pavement. This imagery reminds me of Toy Story where Andy first gets Woody and expresses such love and admiration for it. Daniel/Woody’s ego blinds him to see no other reality but the fact he is the favorite despite being played with like a toy. Daniel becomes infatuated to the point he’s willing to start a family with her. The pussy is so good to Daniel that he self-emulates like a Buddhist. He even astral projects into another dimension of how great it feels. He shows his imperfections by saying his spectacle of a life is a sad story and hopefully one day he will find glory – hopefully with her alongside him for the flight. All he wanted was to take her to “higher heights” yet she resisted leaving her comfort zone. He even acknowledges she had “dreams of a better life” possibly marriage but this time there seemed to be no hope of “making it through.” In the bridge, the female is introduced in the form of conversation with Daniel’s previous statements. On how Daniel is traveling far away with music that she’s left behind with pain where she begins to carry resentment. With his success bubbling the superego of Daniel could be strengthening to the point she is asking him who he thinks he is, “some kind of celebrity?” and threatening him to ‘wait and see’ if she sticks around much longer because of that. All Daniel asks her is to stay true to him and having to remind her of all the things he does. He played the game (music industry/being a toy) where all he wants is for the moment; some reassurance that she will hold him down.

Neu Roses (Transgressor’s Song), tells a story of his girlfriend who cheats on him. Neu Roses is wordplay for new roses/neurosis which portrays two forms of a dying relationship brought by infidelity hence she transgressed the trust. “Neurosis is a relatively mild mental illness that is not caused by organic disease, involving symptoms of stress (depression, anxiety, obsessive behavior, hypochondria) but not a radical loss of touch with reality.” This girl still recalls the fateful day she threw the love away of Daniel. It appears the resentment she held in the previous song caused her to act out of spite only later to beg for him not to leave. She realized that she made a big mistake, and to not “turn [her] sunshine to shade” as once she was that to him. She then states, “I know this is a game we play,” which would make it seem that they both had their “friends too” while she always came back because he took her breath away. He admits he “fucked with some empty cups” meaning hollow sex with multiple girls. He knows she has various partners, but he doesn’t want to run out on his luck, so he considers stopping from running amok. This could be reaction formation, a Freudian concept which one would switch unacceptable impulses into their opposites or a form of passive aggressiveness. Projection is another term that could be used here in his need to call her out for his own mistakes.

Loose is Daniel talking to himself about his toxic relationship and rationalizing the need to cut the rope. He begins to realize that she has built a depression (cloud over her head raining with thunder). The positives are outweighed by the negative. He is quick to lose patience with her and cause fights. He calls himself out on being a coward because he isn’t helping anyone not even himself by grasping onto a dead relationship. Daniel contemplates his power in this relationship and how if he can’t do it for himself, he should do it for her. Often, we see only the good in others we are with to the point that we stick out through horrid cycles of pain. We can’t seem to let go of what brings sunshine to your life and scared of the darkness that comes after.

We Find Love, a song about the beauties in the ugly of a relationship. He comes off in somber tone aware of the fact that it’s over, but still nostalgic about the good times. “You don’t love me anymore, let’s see how you like this song,” is a spiteful statement coming from a place of resentment and ego. He immortalizes her through this album, that’s where his power lies – in the success he obtains. He realizes since the day they met she was the “girl of his dreams” which is what Get You entails but deep down he knew they could never be no matter how hard they try. The hearts fragile tendencies fall down into which they break into pieces. This seems to showcase the cycle of what love is - finding it, uplifting your spirits, falling down, and then ultimately giving up on the love you would have died for.

Blessed showcases Daniel’s vulnerable state of awareness to his flaws. He has become dependent on this girl to the point he can’t go a moment without her. Her presence must be around or else he feels empty. Despite his horrible traits, he feels blessed to have a girl that is willing to stick with him through all his trials and tribulations. He considers her a home despite how broken he is, he will come back to her.

Take Me Away, he wants to sit back and enjoy the creation that God has manifested to him in the form of a beautiful woman who’s willing to cater to him. “Every time she tops me off, it’s celebration,” this is a double entendre for when you top off champagne it’s filled up to the brim. The double meaning is that she is performing oral sex on him as he sits back – what a reason to celebrate. “She loves to top me off … all she wants to do is please me.” Her willingness to perform oral sex on him is possibly due to an oral fixation she has which is an ideal of Freud through the oral stage. He asks himself what life has become due to his “strange new love” he has with her where they don’t speak much. The communication comes in the form of lust. She begs him to take her away to an orgasmic state. This next line I believe is the central and most crucial line in the whole album due to is the central theme of Freud, “Every time I go inside of your protected, place with reverence, I’m reminded of a time I was neglected.” It could mean at a time where he felt neglected in a relationship, but more so I believe it’s from neglect of love from his parents specifically his mother. His adoration and admiration of constant sex and wanting to escape reality comes from the psychosexual stages of the id’s pleasure-seeking energies – genital stage. This is the personality development concepts that Sigmund Freud discovered in his career.

Transform, the premise of the entire song is the ego and his battle with it for love. “If a leopard never changes its spots, how can I change what I’ve got?” he questions the way nature is and how it’s unfair that he’s expected to change if no one never questions the natural course that animals live their lives. Ego is in the way of his ability to change for his lover. He could feel mad now but once it fades away he will not have her there – a lonely life in the kingdom. He’s aware of his non-attractiveness so if this girl loves him, maybe he should come around. He’s addicted to her love and the energy with it, he baptized himself because it “saved his soul like Jesus.”

Freudian like DNA intertwines two strands of both his mother and his lover. The first verse has Daniel expressing to his girl that she is the reason she sings and hopes to preserve her in the form of art (or save their relationship). He takes a moment to thank her for saving his life and giving him advice that ultimately changed his life despite how they ended. The second verse is about his mother and the need to bring her honor. Through psychoanalysis, people are driven by two things: life instinct (the need for sexual and emotional bonding) and death instinct (aggressive drive). Sigmund Freud is famous for his Oedipus Complex which is characterized by a boy experiencing a form of sexual desire toward his mother or vice versa (for a female). The fact that he went back and forth with both his mother and girlfriend brings about the concept in an interesting way. We long for the reflection (or opposite) of our parent in our lovers. “Send me kisses when it’s grey skies, it’s been so long, look how time flies, if you love me won’t you let me know,” shows a longing for his past lover of wanting to know if she still has feelings for him. He now has the same grey skies he would give her and his sunshine is long gone.

Freudian (Outro), plays on an organ as Daniel sinks into an abyss of his own mind. “Isn’t it nice, human sacrifice,” and the universe’s form of “natural selection” of people and of ourselves. In many ways, that girlfriend is dead to him. As aforementioned, the “death instinct” is apparent here in his ability to sacrifice himself as an artist.

In his Beats 1 interview, he says, “I’m trying to live out Hero’s Journey, it’s sacrifice to a point… I’m putting my business out there.” The supernatural or even superego, where he meets helpers along the way in the form of lovers, to his death and rebirth, transformation and return to his highest being.

My personal favorite lines are: “They say I’m a martyr, charge that to my ego, I just want all the lights.”

He hears others call him a martyr for being vulnerable which only boosts his ego in thinking he is sacrificing himself for the greater good. When his selfishness drives him to only pursue his name in lights rather than for humanity. He continuously takes the “easy way out” each time where he brings dishonor to his own self.

“Vulnerability is the greatest thing. The reward is very high but the price is… [the danger is there, fear is there] but I guess that’s why it’s so awesome, ya know?”

The thrill of being open with your flaws is admirable for not many are able to accomplish such a feat in a compelling way. The risk to be shamed, “killed” through critique, and the online trolls that are out there in this world.

“It’s Freud, I’m trying to analyze, I’m like looking at myself, trying to figure myself out. It’s like looking in the mirror.”

To look at others we can easily project our fears and perceptions onto them without realizing it. However, the bravest thing one can do is look at themselves, look within themselves to decipher one’s own code. Why we are the way we are, psychoanalyze not just our positive but embracing our negative to become the complete hero.

Written by Erik De La Cruz

_______________________________________________________

Honorable Mentions: 

DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar

Process by Sampha

Black Ken - Lil B

Peak - Choker

The Thrill Of It All - Sam Smith

Drive Slow - Mac Ayers

American Teen - Khalid

Everybody - Logic (for its concept)

Dua Lipa - Dua Lipa

Fin - Syd

About Time - Sabrina Claudio

Frank Ocean Singles (could’ve been its own album)

ADDED AFTER:

Coco Music Soundtrack - Pixar (Various Artists)

Cybersex - Blackbear

Funk Wav Bounce Vol. 1 - Calvin Harris

SYRE - Jaden Smith

Trip - Jhene Aiko

Yours Truly Forever - Phora

Loverboy - Russel (aka Pryde)

_______________________________________________________

I just wanted to say thanks to all those that helped and participated in the album reviews with me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you all.

I appreciate them all and the hard work you put into helping this to come to life!

Let me know if you have thoughts, opinions, or your own albums you feel like we missed!

By Erik De La Cruz

CEO of Creative-ive (pronounced ivy).

contact: erik@creative-ive.com

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[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: A Botanical Garden Blooms with Chagall

Life imitating art that imitates life: Marc Chagall at Marie Selby Botanical Gardens. (all images by the author for Hyperallergic, unless noted)

SARASOTA, Fla — Russian-French painter Marc Chagall has been considered many things — a Surrealist, a colorist, a modernist — but never really a naturalist. Yet that’s the tack that was taken by the Marie Selby Botanical Gardens as they approached the construction of an exhibition presenting several of the artist’s works. The result, Marc Chagall, Flowers, and the French Riviera: The Color of Dreams, may sound initially gimmicky but gains conceptual momentum the further one explores the living tableaux staged within the Selby conservatory and grounds.

“If you start looking at his work, you’ll see flowers all the way from 1919 to his death in 1985,” said Mischa Kirby, Director of Marketing and Communications for Selby Gardens, on a tour through the exhibition. Plasticized reproductions of some of Chagall’s stunning stained glass works act as backdrops and points of inspiration for installations created out of living materials by Selby’s horticultural and floral design teams. These scenes within the conservatory are titled “A Cathedral of Plants,” and they are the welcoming salvo intended to forge a connection between Chagall’s works and their botanical inspiration.

Botanical beauties meet art-world aesthetics

“Chagall’s flowers consistently appear to defy time,” said Dr. Carol Ockman, Selby Gardens Curator-at-Large and Professor of Art History at Robert Sterling Clark, in an email interview with Hyperallergic. “They seem eternal, as do the flowers in the conservatory and gardens at Selby, and it is that inherent contradiction that fascinates me. In a sense, both Chagall’s flowers and the living plants are idealized — perfect specimens. The plants in the conservatory and garden are more alive, and I was constantly aware of as well as surprised by that while we were installing and opening the show.”

An installation based around selections reproduced from The Twelve Tribes of Israel 

Selby Gardens, which became a botanical garden in 1975 after being left in trust by philanthropist and gardening lover Marie Selby, is devoted to the study of epiphytes — plants that grow harmlessly on other plants. These include bromeliads, orchids, ferns, and “air plants” like Spanish moss, all of which thrive in Florida’s warm and humid environment. Specimens among Selby’s area of interest offer dramatic colors and shapes for their exhibition designers to work with when constructing the installations, as well as the unique ability to present features hanging in air.

Tillandsia above, Chagall below

“In a lot of Chagall’s work, there are elements that are floating, so that was something we could play with and have fun,” said Kirby. Above a series of four faux-stained-glass windows reproducing selections from The Twelve Tribes of Israel from Abbell Synagogue in the Hadassah Medical Center in Jerusalem, a field of hanging Tillandsia represent a starry sky. A lush moss creek studded with bromeliads is meant to suggest their reflection on the water’s surface. Nearby, three giant terra cotta vessels poised roughly shoulder-high “pour” out converging streams of green bromeliads and dappled orchids.

Roughly 800 orchids were included in “The Cathedral of Plants,” including Phalaenopsis, Vandas, Cattleyas, Dendrobiums, Oncidium, and Laelias Paphiopedilums

“There’s a lot of really beautiful thought that the team that does the [horticulture] design put into this,” said Kirby, a sentiment echoed by Ockman, as she considered the implication of working to make art of living materials.

No regrets, but one egret

“There is an incredible symbiosis at work here — horticulturalists and botanists, garden experts, and garden enthusiasts all learn to look at flowers from the standpoint of visual artists/painters (which I’m convinced the horticulturalists at Selby are),” said Ockman. “Art historians and painting lovers get to experience pictures from the standpoint of garden people. The horticulture team’s ability to translate their understanding of Chagall’s work and the flora of the French Riviera really floored me.”

The former Payne Mansion, where the works by Chagall are on view

A field of French lavender being impersonated by more climate-appropriate salvia, overlooking the bay

All around the lavish grounds, which surround the surprisingly modest house — once home to Marie and her husband William Selby, a partner with his father in the Selby Oil and Gas Company — efforts have been made to evoke the French Riviera, one of Chagall’s beloved haunts. Along the garden’s view of Sarasota Bay, a field of salvia has been planted to visually evoke lavender plantations. In placid pursuit of the pollinators attracted by the neat rows of purple flowers, a massive snowy egret saunters the grounds, unruffled by passing admirers. One can stand close enough to see a smear of iridescent green highlighting its eyes, and with its graceful black legs and lacy tail feathers, it looks for all the world like it stepped right out of one of Chagall’s whimsical compositions (though, in fairness, the artist did seem to favor chickens).

Marc Chagall, “The Lovers” (1937), oil on canvas, 108 x 85 cm (donated by Charles Bronfman from the estate of Sayde Bronfman, B95.1011; image courtesy of Selby Gardens)

In fact, the paintings risk feeling a bit flat, compared with such dramatic competition, but there is an appealingly intimate opportunity to view them inside the architecturally ambitious Payne Mansion, which was annexed by the Gardens in 1973 and is now home to Selby’s Museum of Botany and the Arts. “The Lovers” (1937), one of Chagall’s best-known works, is on loan from the Israel Museum, Jerusalem, but two small pieces, on loan from an anonymous private collector, reinforce the idea that Chagall’s fascination with flowers stayed with him throughout his career — a concept affirmed by his granddaughters, who work as floral designers and consulted on the particulars of this exhibition.

Marc Chagall, “Bouquets of Lilacs at Saint-Paul” (1978), oil on canvas, 21.3 x 28.8 in (image courtesy of Selby Gardens)

“Bouquets of Lilacs at Saint-Paul” (1978) is about as straightforward a still life as one can expect from this champion of surreal compositions — in this case, taking center stage, with views of the titular village and Chagall’s home for 19 years only glimpsed in the distant background. Likewise, “Couple with Lilies of the Valley” (1973) features two lovers entwined — a popular subject for Chagall — seemingly paying rapt attention not to each other, but to some vases of flowers that stand between them and the viewer and are thus the focus of the painting.

Marc Chagall, “Couple with Lilies of the Valley” (1973), oil on canvas, 16 x 10.5 in (image courtesy of Selby Gardens)

“I learned a lot about plants in curating this show, which I might have predicted,” said Ockman. “What I hadn’t expected was how that experience would alter the way I look at Chagall’s flowers.” Having seen the case made by Selby Gardens, one comes away with an unshakable sense that Chagall was more or less obsessed with flowers. Setting aside the incomparable aesthetics, it is no small feat on the part of Selby Gardens to have managed to provide a new perspective on an exhaustively studied painter and perennial favorite of the art world.

Marc Chagall, Flowers, and the French Riviera: The Color of Dreams continues at the Marie Selby Botanical Gardens (811 South Palm Avenue, Sarasota) through July 31.

Selby Gardens provided partial reimbursement for the author’s travel expenses.

The post A Botanical Garden Blooms with Chagall appeared first on Hyperallergic.

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Henry Greens Party Going: an eccentric portrait of the idle rich

check it out @ https://tuthillscopes.com/henry-greens-party-going-an-eccentric-portrait-of-the-idle-rich/

Henry Greens Party Going: an eccentric portrait of the idle rich

Amit Chaudhuri revisits a masterful tale of revellers stranded in a hotel, which recalls Joyce and Woolf but resembles neither

In the late 1980s, after i would be a graduate student in Oxford, I purchased a amount of three novels by a writer I hadnt heard about, Henry Eco-friendly. The Eco-friendly everyone was speaking about then had an e in the finish of his surname, and the name was Graham. He was almost a precise contemporary of Henrys: born in 1904, annually before Eco-friendly, he resided considerably longer. Both belonged to well-to-do families, but Eco-friendly was particularly affluent. His father was an industrialist. Id attempted studying Graham Greene, but had not made much headway. Then Henry Eco-friendly arrived, and Graham quickly grew to become, for me personally, another Greene, after which not really that. About Henry Eco-friendly, however, theres an irreducible, longstanding excitement one of the couple of who’ve read him.

I have to have purchased the 3-novel amount of Loving, Living, Party Going because John Updike had, in the summary of the amount, not just given Eco-friendly centrality like a precursor, but known as him a saint from the mundane. The religious example was excessive, what had helped me admire Updike to begin with was the means by which hed deliberately made room for that mundane, for that banality that fills our way of life and means they are truly interesting. But I discovered Eco-friendly to become a different of author, with almost no chroniclers impulse that every so often directed Updikes decade-lengthy projects, with no abiding curiosity about realism, despite his remarkable eye and ear and the gift for recording character. Replying to some question offer him by Terry Southern for that Paris Review in 1958 Youve described your novels as nonrepresentational. I question if youd mind defining that term? Eco-friendly stated:

Nonrepresentational was designed to represent an image that was not really a photograph, nor a painting on the photograph, nor, in dialogue, a tape recording. For example, the deaf, like me, hear probably the most astounding things over-all them that have not actually been stated. This enlivens my replies until, through mishearing, a brand new degree of communication is arrived at. My figures do not understand one another greater than people do in tangible existence, yet they are doing so under I. Thus, when writing, I represent very carefully things i see (and I am not seeing very well now) and just what I hear (that is little) however i express it is nonrepresentational since it is not always what others hear and see.

Eco-friendly actually stands approximately James Joyce, in the inclination to become intolerant of ordinary British syntax and punctuation, and Virginia Woolf, in the feeling of how narrative could be formed by things outdoors of event. But, out of the box obvious from his remarks to Southern, Eco-friendly further conflates his aesthetic with disability and eccentricity. (Right at the beginning of the job interview, he will not field an inconvenient question for the reason he cant hear the interviewer, although it rapidly becomes apparent the deafness is opportunistic.) Greater than Joyce and Woolf or other author I’m able to consider, Vegetables contribution towards the modern novel may be the imprimatur of the unapologetic eccentricity and, through it, a reconfiguring of the thought of singularity.

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Communicated joy and delight Henry Yorke AKA Henry Green

I have seen that Picador omnibus edition in the hands of readers and teachers, creased, carried with a degree of protectiveness. But, by all accounts, it didnt do well and soon went out of print. Since then, Greens nine novels have had spasmodic resurrections, come and gone and come back again. What will it take for Green to penetrate the general consciousness? His writing went out of view after he died in 1973 (and he hadnt written a book for 20 years before that), though more recently a handful of influential literary champions made him something of a cause. But maybe its to do with what Ezra Pound known as age. Most likely the recent decades havent been receptive to some novelist whose sole purpose appears to become to fashion a language that to speak pleasure. Woolf was shockingly neglected her present status owes less to literary critics regarding feminism. Jean Rhys was absolutely forgotten until her last work, Wide Sargasso Sea, permitted her to become annexed later by postcolonialists. Joyces mythic scaffold and verbal play identified him to academia to be essential both to modernism and also to the work of hermeneutics. I mention these authors not just due to their ability to transform and delight but additionally because some facet of their writing continues to be converted advantageously into some terms which are vital that you particular literary historic moments. With Eco-friendly, were given one type of artist who, such as the poets of ancient India and A holiday in greece, is not to provide us but delight. We dont get sound advice with your a author.

I hesitate to Party Going a modernist work because its sui generis, stands by itself, and it has not given itself to the modernism industry. However it has something that is similar to standard modernist texts, through which I am talking about not just what Frank Kermode known as its mythic structure, or its mythic punctuation of dead pigeons and bathing women, or its purgatorial fogbound atmosphere, or even the periodic abnormality of their syntax, but the truth that its thinking about and not the journey however the waiting, and not the event however the interruption. Dense fog working in london causes all trains to become cancelled. Traffic on the highway reaches a dead stop some people enroute towards the station need to abandon their cars and walk a minute of both liberation from, and lack of, class privilege. Among throngs of frustrated but jubilant commuters several wealthy people has convened they expect to go to the south of France as visitors from the qualified Max Adey. Two women especially are in search of Max: Julia Wray and Amabel. Max continues to be intending to escape Amabel, but she tracks him lower. Meanwhile, the entire group continues to be gone to live in the station hotel and given rooms with baths the shutters towards the station happen to be introduced lower. Amabel in some way finds her way inside, and Max reaches once ashamed, trapped, and temporarily disarmed by her immense beauty. It appears to Julia, whom Max have been courting inside a room not lengthy ago, that her putative romantic holiday with Max isn’t to become.

The simultaneity from the narrative causes it to be less just like a text supervised by an omniscient narrator than the usual particular type of cinema, a cinema less invested in one protagonist as with whats happening at the same time in a number of rooms and also the spaces around them. The fabric continues to be organised by an auteur akin, in the method, to some film editor, like a montage of quickly intercut scenes that produces a fantasy of unity and continuity. The restricted but unique locale and also the limited time period of the experience stimulate Jean Renoirs The Rules of the Game, which depicting several upper-class individuals with conflicting love interests who end up stranded with their servants inside a manor house on the country estate throughout the weekend too constitutes a narrative from nothing. Released, like Party Going, in 1939, the show isnt about either belonging somewhere or just being in exile it’s about inhabiting a transient, busy condition of unfinishedness. The aesthetic of these two works is remarkably congruent. Both also appear before the destruction from the worlds contained within them, and both possess a strange indestructibility. Renoirs film was trashed by the best and also the left because of its pointless portrayal from the inefficient wealthy, simply to be recognised in later decades like a landmark of cinema.

Self-absorbed upper classes Satyajit Sun rays Kanchenjungha.

Kanchenjungha (1962) by Renoirs most gifted student, Satyajit Ray is known as following the mountain peak the films upper-class holidaymakers are advised of because they mill round the hill station of Darjeeling. They’re completely self-absorbed, as the Kanchenjungha provides an opening right into a world beyond that will not present itself. Are you able to believe this area was only a Lepcha village prior to the British switched it into the town? states the insufferable patriarch Mister Indranath for the finish from the film. Empire! It had been insubstantial by 1962, such as the mist. Its becoming intangible in Party Going too, but not really much. Its there, within the global allusions, the truly amazing railways.

Sun rays film is instantly. The expertise of studying Party Going approximates this a feeling of getting joined, through the sentence, a particular continuum and time period. The 4 or 5 hrs it requires to complete the novel can also be the time where the fog rolls in after which begins to lift. The spell lifts too, so we understand weve joined a global we cant possess. This conflation from the figures time using the readers suggests the authors preoccupation with and mastery of form, that is a different type of reality towards the one the novel is depicting the result of his abstract nonrepresentational method.

Party Going isnt a singular within the usual feeling of the word. It provides us a superbly comic account of their figures, but it’s also an assemblage of moments, as well as different types of awareness around the globe as well as of writing. Eco-friendly is certainly not otherwise mindful of his literary context: when Julia walks towards the station and registers the procession of headlights at nighttime, the narrator points to the novels antecedents: These lights will come like ideas in darkness, inside a stream There are the epic similes, signalling to all of us that Eco-friendly resided currently once the British authors inheritance went beyond European modernism. Here the narrator describes a couple in Maxs party browsing the station to place their host:

Like two lilies inside a pond, romantically some of it but infinitely remote, encircled, supported, floating inside it for a moment, but forecasted when you are different onto another plane, even though there am much water you can avoid seeing these flowers or were prone to miss them, was Miss Crevy and her youthful man, apparently peaceful, envied for his or her clearly easy conditions and Angela coveted on her looks by all individuals water beetles if you want, by individuals people standing round.

Eco-friendly makes them vivid, semi-ironical comparisons frequently. Here, the simile concerns the station masters look at crowds of smokers, every third person smoking it could have the ability to looked to Mr Roberts, ensconced in the office away above, like November sun striking through mist rising off water. As Max and Amabel talk on the telephone before he heads off and away to the station (he’s laying to her about his intentions), her observation that here i am like a few old washerwomen slanging away at one another sounds more striking of computer should, as though Amabel were unwittingly situating the storyline inside a world good reputation for the epic. Two pages on, as Alex proceeds with the fog inside a taxi, it appears the [s]treets he experienced were wet as if that fog 20 feet up had deposited water, and glare which lights slapped within the roadways recommended to him he may well be a Zulu, within the Zulus hell of ice, sitting down in the taxi in negligence Umslopogaas together with his axe, skin beating within the hole in the temple …. And Robert Hignam, because he presses with the crowd within the station, remembers:

When small he’d found patches of bamboo in the parents garden also it was his romance in those days to pressure through them they increased so thick you can avoid seeing what temple might lie in ruins just beyond. It had been now, these physiques so thick they may have been an outlet of tailors dummies, water heated. These were so stiff they may as well happen to be soft, inflamed bamboos in groves only while he had once pressed with these, moist and warm.

The shutters are soon likely to come lower within the station, keeping new commuters out Maxs group will probably be at the same time nervously and luxuriously ensconced within the station hotel. Regardless of the feeling of enclosure and jail time (we’re simply inside a condition of siege you realize), the narrative has ramified and been placed on the planet: Party Going is both a comedy along with a cosmology. It is not about being hemmed in or trapped, or about being British. It enacts a fluidity of perception where it is also about being Zulu, about people being when compared with branches, to household servants inside a princes service, where Amabel is famous not just in London however in northern England and Hyderabad, in which the a large number of Smiths, a large number of Alberts, countless Marys seen collected below from the hotel window appear woven tight just like any office carpet or, more stylishly made, the holy Kaaba soon to create out for Mecca. Party Going is partially art-house movie, having a unique soundtrack, and partially certainly one of individuals remarkable British texts, like Basil Buntings Briggflatts, by which locality, eccentricity as well as class flow interior and exterior other cultures. Its this flow that’s envisaged here with regards to the noise, the murmurs, the silences, the laughter and also the courtships that occur as the trains have stopped, to ensure that any time things might open within an unlikely way.

A brand new edition of Henry Vegetables Party Going is printed by NYRB Classics.

Find out more: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/mar/18/henry-green-party-going-amit-chaudhuri