#cant wait until i can actually get some art and stuff on here

[sunno-bunno]

Man I'm trying to stop myself from reblogging things on this blog but I don't know what to do with this emptyness while waiting to be able to draw shit

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

[halfusek]

so lemme just put it out there: using AI for generating art, nevermind if for a joke or seriously, in this point of time, plain sucks

i’m refering here to that bendy highschool crush anime thing whatever i refuse to interact with stuff about this so i’m not exactly familiar but what matters is that it was AI generated AND even more so it was not mentioned anywhere that it was until people started pointing it out

there’s a few problems with that

first one is obvious - just the use of AI - as yall probably know its been a highly controversial topic these past few months, because of course it’s built on thief - first stealing artists’ work and then stealing their jobs; a joke or not it STILL uses that based in thief technology... though there do exist some AIs that asks artists for constent, for example the one that deviantArt created recently (and people misunderstood and spread a lot of false information about but oh well that’s a whole other thing) BUT generally these services for AI generation of images steal from artists - and not only! - they just take anything they can find fitting on the internet, even stock images and there was a case about a stock image site suing one of these AI services because *yeah* it’s just thief

another layer to all that adds the context of the game they made itself... like... BATIM/BATDR’s story is at its core about exploitation of artists and - apparently wether they like it or not - evils of capitalism (i still cant comprehend how Mike Mood can be anti union after making a game like this but like lol). it’s about art, about struggle with it and it’s just soooo out of touch to do something like this for a company making such game like hello?? if you wanna take from how artists are abused in big corporations then maybe have some decency and don’t use tools that abuse artists??? like that’s just so in bad taste man i have no words

then comes the fact that they waited with mentioning that AI is used is in the video. it STILL isn’t in the description of the video (the time im making this post is 13th april 2023 so the vids been up for 12 days), which i think AIs these days even require to be given credit?? but either way a lot of people didn’t even realize AI was used and i don’t blame them, not everyone pays attention to details or has an eye for them, this is why such information should be included... if it supposedly was meant to be “part of the joke” all along

which i find hard to believe? sure it came out on april first but.. how exactly is it a part of the joke? the AI generation was simply used for making the art for this fictional joke game. it could have as well been drawn by a real artist and no part of the joke would have been lost because it’s not part of the joke at all? like it’s not mentioned anywhere and it’s not obvious (Meatly even said they heavily photoshoped the images because they looked bad) so i’m asking how exactly AI being used is part of the joke here because it just seems like it was used as a mean of creation here and there was an attempt to hide that it was done at all

and if they really didn’t wanna spend time and effort on drawing it themselves (i get it, they might be busy with other things) then just A. don’t?? make anything?? or B. use an AI that doesn’t steal from artists and credit it so people know? and if it’s reeeeaaally a part of the joke then actually make it part of the joke? even a singular line of commentary laughing off at AI would make this actually work but there’s just nothing

i’m glad that Meatly said they aren’t planning on using it for anything serious but using it for a joke is still using it like sorry but that’s just how it is

and the whole ordeal of not saying what AI it is just rubs me the wrong way because high chance is they aren’t doing that because this AI is one of those that steal from artists so... eh... like i realize this is an assumption but i think it’s fair to be a bit skeptical about them after everything they’ve done :’)

[scarrletmoon]

Twilight but college outtakes PLEASE

from the WIP list

so i thought this was the twilight au but it's actually the time i decided to rewrite twilight but set in college and dont ask me why, i got so far into it and then was like "stephenie meyer will probably write this herself 10 years from now anyway so this is just a huge waste of time"

so i'll just talk about the twilight college au i started writing for ed and stede instead which is way more interesting anyway

stede is an english major, sophmore year transfer, and finds out about edward through an on-campus exhibit from the art and fashion students and is FASCINATED by ed's designs. so he asks his roommate buttons if he knows who this ed teach guy is and buttons is like. ah.........the vampire

so stede thinks he should ask someone else for answers instead

meanwhile, ed happens to read the latest issue of the campus literary journal and LOVES stede's work in it

stede loves going to museums by himself and his student ID gets him free admission to the local one, and he ends up at an exhibit of clothing through history at the same time as ed (there's a joke in here somewhere about some of those clothes being ed's which he alludes to)

(very annoying when your fave dress gets robbed out from under you by fucking historians)

here have some dialogue i threw in the outline:

and then they talk all night until the sun comes up and ed suddenly has to leave

stede can tell that ed's hiding something but he's not about to ask questions and scare off the only person he's ever met who finds him interesting. and you know, ed starts designing stuff outside of assignments that he wants to see stede in, maybe, if he wants. and that's where they're at when stede invites ed to this halloween party, bc he's afraid to go alone but it'd be nice if he knew one other person there, and he knows ed isn't really into the whole party scene so like, no pressure if he's not interested, and it's a costume party so--

ed says no and stede tries (and fails) to pretend that he's not heartbroken about it

stede goes to the party bc fuck it, he cant go through college with just ONE friend and his roommate -- and surprise surprise, who walks through the door but one ed teach, dressed as a slutty vampire. ed's changed his mind apparently! and they almost kiss! but ed runs away at the last minute

so then it's like. WEIRD. bc they're obviously into each other but ed has this Secret. and stede's oblivious but he's not COMPLETELY stupid so he figures it out but just.....doesn't say anything. and then ed is finally like. stede i have to tell you something, dont freak out. in his head, stede is like "oh god he's going to say he has a boyfriend he's going to say he has a GIRLFRIEND--" and ed's all "im not human" and stede lets out this massive sigh of relief to which ed says ?????

so like, okay, ed's a vampire but he's like, single. right? so. nbd. ed keeps waiting for stede to freak out but, honestly? it's stede. this is fucking weird but it's HIM. so now that weirdness is out of the way, they have this INTENSE UST. like. everyone around them can't even look at them, they want to fuck each other so bad. ed's best friend izzy's about to have a rage stroke despite also being a vampire. and eventually stede's like. so. are we like. just not going to have sex. that's fine!! i'd just like to know

ed's all ??? stede i could LITERALLY kill you, i thought that would be enough of a deterrent. but stede TRUSTS him. and ed wants him BAD. so they try

stede comes out of it covered in bruises of course, and ed is HORRIFIED. but stede tells him that he's a grown fucking man and can make his own choices and ed's not going to decide for him what he wants. so then there's maybe another week where they're sort of mad at each other but stede's trying to give ed space and ed's trying not to hurt stede but like, they're the last people on earth who could ever keep their hands off each other long term, so they have sex again. and it's hot and it's desperate and it's filthy but this time stede doesn't have bruises

oh also i know this is a twilight au but ed has fangs bc he HAS to. let's just say he has a glamour that hides them from regular people

meanwhile izzy is Big Mad and now ed's broken the Cardinal Rule of Being a Vampire (dont tell humans, and if you do, dont KEEP THEM AROUND) so he goes to the volturi about it, and ed's forced to decide between killing stede or turning him. they have a month.

and like, stede's down immediately, obviously. just turn me into a vampire, easy. this rocks. but ed, who's been a vampire for so long that he's tried multiple ways to kill himself at this point is convinced that it's a sentence worse than death. except he doesn't say it this way so stede thinks that the man he loves would rather the volturi kill him than spend forever together

but then these two idiots clear that up and ed's all "i dont want to doom you to an eternity of boredom" and stede says some gross romantic shit like "how much of a torment can immortality be if i spend it by your side?"

and then stede bcomes a vampire and he finally gets to fuck ed and they live happily ever after, the end

[starclast]

Entering gravity falls 📌

Soooo...I've talked about before on how did I first encounter certain games/series or entered certain fandoms and such but...honestly? Out of everyone...how I came to actually enter to gravity falls fandom is (for now) certainly the *weirdest* of them all 😅

To be honest with you, I wasn't interested at all in gravity falls when it was first airing. I was in my, what could be called, *you cant watch cartoon shows, that's childish* face...😑 Back then I kind of knew about gravity falls and had seen some little bits here and there but not really knew anything about it. And the fact that I thought the art-style was *childish* too didn't help me at all to get interested in it. Years passed and my knowledge about it grew...a tiny bit (if knowing that Bill Cipher would bring the apocalypse seems like a tiny bit to you 😶), buuut I was still pretty uninterested so any spoiler that crossed my way just didn't hit hard me at all 😑

More years passed and then I stumbled my way into itchio, where I started to look for games I could play. Then I saw it for the very first time, the fangame: Swooning over Stans ✨✨✨ And then I was like *...What??? Why does these two look so simi-? Oh wait, they are twins. huh...Wait a minute, this one looks familiar to me*. I read that it was inspired by gravity falls and though it didn't click me at first, at the end, I remember that indeed there was a series called gravity falls and so I...kept scrolling 😶 Yep, I still wasn't interested in it or anything related to it aaaand it stayed like that...until last year.

One afternoon I was bored, like BORED to death and nothing, nothing remotely interesting seem to be in my way 😑 Sooo since I didn't anything better to mind, I said to myself: *why not try out that gravity falls fangame? At least it will be good to pass the time* And so, I did.

At first I was jus planning to try out one route, Fords route, to be more specific, because he was the one who got my attention out of the two, and then...it caught me 😆 It wasn't like I fell or find it interesting instantly, but the art-style, humor and characters started to appeal to me more and more as I kept playing (and even though I was spoiled already for some of the stuff that there were mentioned, my mind didn't relate them or kind of forgot about it all together so... My first playthrough wasn't perfect at all, but overall I had an incredibly more enjoyable experience than what I first expected, so I decided to keep playing! 🤗

I tried out Stan's route then, and though I didn't got a perfect, I still had a lot of fun!! Soooo...I kept tryin until I made it 😅

I only made two OCs while playin. First was Misha for Fords route, and then Ann for Stan's route. Their designs came to me surprisingly easily, actually, and though they are pretty simple, I quite like how they look! 😄

After the game, I obviously wanted to draw some fanarts and such...but I struggled a lot because it quite differed from my usual style of drawing (specially the head shape, eyes and nose 😅) But well, as you can see, I managed to do it!!! 🤗🤗🤗

In the end, I liked the game so much so that I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see the series it was based on and till this very day...I don't regret that decision 🤩🤩🤩 So yeah, thank you very much to everyone who worked on this project and gave me an opportunity to finally get into gravity falls!!! ...Though it was in a kind of weird way, haha 😅

[aprillikesthings]

YAY I'M OFF WORK until Monday

IT'S TIME FOR MORE SHE-RA REWATCH

s2 ep6 Light Spinner

just read the synopsis on the wikipedia episode list and Oof this one is going to be hard

Edit: oof I jumped around a lot, including mentions of the bible, my fave art, other cartoons and (predictably, for an episode about Shadow Weaver) my own history as a child abuse survivor and my dad dying. So, uh, you've been warned?

okay

let's do this

do they mention why she covers her face at this point? I forget

okay so true story and totally off topic but I get distracted every time Micah's name is mentioned because my favorite verse of the Bible is from the book of Micah. It's the fave verse of a lot of people lol I'm not unique. But yeah, Micah 6:8:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord ask of you, But to do justice, and to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?

I've half-joked for years now that if enough of your childhood report cards say any variation on "They have so much potential if they'd only apply themselves" you should get diagnosed with ADHD without further questions.

Hordak: why is Shadow Weaver still fucking HERE Catra: bc I like getting a chance to taunt her >:3 I MEAN, uh, she's a good source of information? Hordak: she needs to get to Beast Island, I don't like having her around she knows too damn much Catra: but she can't actually do anything without her fancy-ass magic rock

*power goes out*

Entrapta: ha ha WHOOPSIE Catra: wtf are you DOING

Hordak: stop bothering my girlfriend Catra: wtf??? Entrapta: Entrapta: uhhhhh did I interrupt something Hordak: no it's fine bb don't worry about it <3 Hordak: ANYWAY Catra get that witch to tell you shit and then GET RID OF HER or I'LL GET RID OF YOU Catra: >:(

In all seriousness I remember watching this episode and thinking: lol omg are they ship-baiting this???

And then the usual culprits did the "yOu cAnT sHiP tHaT" and I started reblogging content of it out of sheer fucking spite. Also at least one writer for the show is like "y'all Entrapta is in her late 20's/early 30's" and--wait hold on I know there's screenshots from twitter of the same person:

But yeah stuff in later seasons made me cackle with laughter because it's not even subtle. At all.

Anyway you gotta be careful about spite-shipping. That's how I ended up having a lot of feelings about Jaspis from SU, ha ha WHOOPS

jfc this and a previous line (talking about "gifted students") and it's like...why are y'all having her quote all the shit my teachers said trying to encourage me and only traumatizing me.

mmmm don't like that

I know I keep harping on how textbook of an abuser she is, but I love that the clues were there already. This is the kind of shit abusers do! Look at how controlling and possessive she is, but in a way that outsiders will just see as "she's a very invested/involved teacher."

gahhhhhh

plot plot plot the Horde is already invading, the Princesses are useless against them, our leaders aren't doing SHIT, anyway the sorcerers are meeting tomorrow and I hope they let me boss them around into agreeing with me

this shot of the moons over Etheria reminds me of one of my fave artists--these pieces are layered resin, and I keep meaning to buy some prints of theirs. (One day I want to own an original. ;_; I love the way they use colors and the layers and just the daydreamy vibes of so much of their work.)

(More of their stuff here)

plot plot Scorpia and Catra talk about how Catra doesn't want to send Shadow Weaver to Beast Island and Scorpia is surprised Beast Island is real and not a scary story they tell kids

Catra: but but but Shadow Weaver can tell us shit!

Scorpia: anyway I thought you hated her??? Catra: you wouldn't understand >:(

I understand. I hate that I understand it. UGH.

plot plot Light Spinner tries to convince the sorcerers that the Horde is a threat, and points out they've taken the Black Garnet, and says let's cast a big spell together and GET SOME POWERRRR

Sorcerer dude: that spell is FUCKED, absolutely not [for real the way he talks about it sounds kiiiinda like The One Ring] Light Spinner: fuck yOU

OH so I didn't quote it but Catra says the same line earlier, about Hordak: "After everything I've done he still doesn't trust me"

Catra is trying to save Shadow Weaver's life and Shadow Weaver is like...meh. But hey can you bring me an old trinket that's of sentimental value? I will never ask you to do anything else.

[I am Suspicious.]

back in time, Light Spinner manipulates Micah into doing the Big Scary Spell with her, they accidentally unleash a hORRIFYING MONSTER

(I'm suddenly reminded of the last two episodes of Gravity Falls. It never ceases to amuse me that Alex Hirsch was told he couldn't do all kinds of totally innocent things, but he could have, well, the shit in the last two episodes. I remember telling my then-boyfriend that the intro of those last episodes had shots that looks like actual nightmares I've had)

Oh also the flailing disembodied hands remind me of some of the early episodes about the Cluster in Steven Universe. Remember Garnet finding some of the early fusion experiments made with broken bits of gems?

Aaugh.

(Also remember when Peridot was still kinda spooky and scary?)

OKAY SORRy wow I'm distracted tonight.

yeah that didn't work so great

And that's what messed up Shadow Weaver's face, and she throws a fit at everyone and calls them "weak" and uhhh murders at least one of them?

face-touching! the only way she's able to show any affection at all...but only ever to manipulate people in her charge. anyway she disappears after that.

Catra is not going to get a satisfying answer. One of the reasons it was a relief when my dad died was that I could let go of ever having any hope of him explaining to any kind of satisfaction why he did what he did. (He did apologize, once; in the most manipulative and self-serving way possible, when I was 35--at the time I thought maybe it meant something, but eventually I realized he'd actually made things worse, because he'd taken away any belief I might've clung to that he didn't know any better at the time.)

In any case, Shadow Weaver's answer is basically "You're just like me, and my life was hard, so why should yours be easy?" Like that old line about how people who suffer through hard things have one of two reactions: Either "why shouldn't you also suffer, you're not better than me," and "nobody should have to suffer like I did."

;_;

I understand Catra so much. You still want that love. You can't not. You know you won't get it, not the way you need it, and you settle for a facsimile.

I'm gonna throw myself into the sun

And then we go back in time to see the arrival of baby!Adora, like as an actual infant. They don't say where she got her.

Hordak: "I arrived too late. I found something but it's useless. Put it with the other infants in the infirmary."

"It." bleh.

Shadow Weaver: hmmm that's one powerful baby. Hordak: ugh, weirdo. You can have it. But ffs it's being noisy take it somewhere else.

Shadow Weaver's just like: oh sweet I get to start from scratch with this one.

Anyway under her tray of food that Catra brought her was her sorcerer's guild...thing. That she asked for earlier in the episode. Which means Catra did bring it to her.

And Shadow Weaver's gone.

This explains part of why Catra gets worse for the next like two seasons. She tried to extend a kindness to Shadow Weaver--keeping her from being sent to Beast Island, giving her the trinket thing, offering to work together since Shadow Weaver thinks they have so much in common, right? But it bites her in the ass so bad.

So why should she be kind to anyone? When has anyone been kind to her? When has Catra being kind to anyone ever improved her life or made it easier?

But yeah the trinket had some kinda magic dust in it and Shadow Weaver escaped, and Catra had a (very understandable) meltdown about it.

Back in Bright Moon, the Best Friends Squad is using the moon alignment to get a clearer signal on Bow's track pad: "Serenia. Portal. Mara." AAAAND end of episode.

Yeah I was right. That was a rough one.

[salt-volk]

re "tbh pretty sure anji just lied about the whole "monthlies and customs only take 10% of my workload" bit because there is no way that is true with absolute NOTHING to show for that supposed other 90% like....." 

idk i actually do genuienly believe her (moslty bc 4-6 custom items taking an entire month or even more than 2 days for a 10yr+ professional mostly full time artist just seems impossible to me esp seeing how quickly she does shit on stream & knowing other artists myself haha. no comment on the monthlies since even if they did hold up site progress they cant just be paused as thats the sole revenue for dv so moot to talk abt as an option but id ALSO guess those dont take an entire month or even over a week, esp w how theres always small boring items included w only a few complicated each batch) but like i think was brought up before, i agree the main problem is that all that stuff is one time scheduled release but other content is nearly ALWAYS larger bundles together.

its easier + quicker to do a few art than an entire event. customs are published once their done. but general site content is made dependent on a bunch of other shit ("X item is complete but will have to sit here for month until the other 15 items are done" "Y item is finished but we have to get ahold of our barley functional coder & wait 2 mo. on writing before it can come out"). so stuff like custom queue stays chugging along doing a lil bit here & there while main site content releases are always MASSIVE drops w a bunch of shit all at once to the point that its overwhelming. 

there is plenty to show for the other 90% of time they just dont show it at the right times or in the right way bc they put all the stuff together (OR also could be all their time gose into shit that isnt easily visible like background management work or now that anjis trying to learn code to pick up slack she could be spending more time w that which has no visible site progress). fr we spend all our time waiting around for shit to drop not bc progress isnt actually getting done or bc one thing is takign up all the resources but just bc staff just does not know how to do little teasers or small events or small content resleases.

again this all comes down to management issue & site direction. probaly also a community advisor of sorts. which they lack. but could tell them "you dont have to put these items together or drop them w an update. the users do not care". or "you do not have to waste months coming up w grand vision of new event types multiple times a yr i promise you can just do the same thing & nobody will care" haha

which to be clear this is totally their fault & i dont understand the compulsion to always have to have like 85 new items come out simultaneosly as part of one update instead of just slowly drip feeding to at least help w the illusion & create more of feeling of constant content stream -_- i still dont have all the shit from those last two big updates w the stupid circlets & just gave up bc its to hard to keep track of...

oh worm they releasde new event info while iasw writing this. how much do you wanna bet some of the event content will be stuff that could have been seperated & dropped on its own but was just grouped together? even having the first custom auction w the event... that could have been its own thing tbh. released sooner since is not being held back waiting on a bunch of other shit to complete. have a feeling the mini town could have been out on its own too. lord

[pashminalamb]

Oh ew the OF accounts and sex bots are completely getting out of hand. I haven’t been notified of any new followers but I don’t trust tumblr to do so. I’m have to gonna check on that soon 🙄🙄.

And seriously for what reason are people flagging down your works for like 😭😭?? It literally makes no sense??? Some people are so rude and mean and spiteful for no reason like. Do better or screw off unintentionally quoting Ego here I’m sorry that this happened to you, it really sucks.

Ever since break started I’ve been in a kind of limbo. It feels so surreal not having any work to do. I mean I do have basic chores to do today like the laundry and vacuuming and stuff but besides that it’s a free day. I am. Very very very. Temped to start reading the blue lock manga. I know I said I’d wait for the anime to finish but like I need something to do 😭😭. I was starting my first TR reread since the last chapter but I only got in 3 chapters before I started sobbing and I haven’t even gotten to Akkuns first death or met Mikey and Draken for the first time again yet. I’m gonna have to chunk my way through it while sobbing and taking so many breaks because I will seriously never recover from this manga. OH AND I LOVE CHIFUYUS BIRTHDAY ART. Wakui continuing to attest that yes takefuyu are still canon in the reset timeline. It’s such a relief for me because those two are my comfort duo 😭😭😭. I also want to finish Chainsaw Man soon. I stopped at around volume 9 because I’m broke and was reading it at the bookstore and all I can say is that this series is definitely getting a reread cause I love analyzing strange works and concepts. THE MAITAKE COVER ASJKGFJKHFFGGG. The way I screeched when I first saw it like. I love how you worded it, they literally look like royalty together UGH. Suffice to say that yes maitake fans has a field day with the cover of volume 31 😌😌. I cant wait for the inside cover to be revealed. My prediction/demand is that it’s gonna be then as children childhood-friends-to-lovers. But I guess we’ll see.

Anyways. How are you Belle? Doing better I hope? How’s uni? Oh and when does your winter break start? How’s life? Im so happy tumblr is being cooperative now and letting you see my tagged posts 😭😭. Sorry for the constant tagging tho, there’s just so much I wanna share and I see something and I’m like “oh I wanna show this to Belle” you know? Oh and im so glad you liked that Oliver drabble 🥹🥹. I’ve got another one in mind for him but this time it might be a little more ✨spicy✨ so stay tuned 👀👀😌. I hope you have a great day and that the caramel frappuccino tasted great!!! *sending many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Istg- i got followed by accounts from Czechia and Carolina this morning. Alright, I made my pinned post of Gojo's OF account but this is a writing blog; not even an OF promotion blog (╥﹏╥) unless... i draw some stuff

Tumblr decided to not let me post my rant- so here’s what I had to say

I revisited my childhood with watching DBZ... (i knew i said i would start one piece but the gym bro-ness got the better of me and i started watching it) someone please explain why does Goku's voice sound... i don't know how to describe it. i was so shocked about his voice, i was planning on watching the dub instead cause of it *crying* Honestly, Wakui did a really good job with the cover. Even when I was reading mangas online - I was so awed by the covers of the manga and when TR was on its peak here, i saw a lot of spoilers for bonten mikey. I never liked mikey... but this made me change my mind. And they (like every cover character i saw up until the Brahman arc looked like royalty. Even hanma-) I'm doing well! Contemplating to change the blog theme for some reason. It's not gonna be aiku ofc- he gets 0 screen time cause he hasn't come back from italy and i am mad at him with part 1 to ocean hues I'm on my winter break actually and omw back home. Fifa knocked the wind out of me. I feel sad cause Mbappé played really well (and he was sad too when they lost), i literally went to go keep my plate and he scored in 97 seconds of the first goal T.T . But i'm also really happy for Argentina cause its the first time in 36 years since Maradona that they have won the Wc and i cried cause they were crying on the field not to mention the fact that Messi played in their team as well - so it was bittersweet ending but also very well deserved! And yes i am a football head I can't see you in my activity still (maybe your visibility switch is off? i'm not sure) but i do get the number on my activity and that's how ik that you're there (⑅ •͈ᴗ•͈ ) I actually don't mind being tagged! and I enjoy the things you have to show me as well ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა (i saw some stuff where you tagged me- i'll be answering those soon, promise i'm not ignoring you ૮(˶˃ᆺ˂˶)ა ) I. absolutely. loved. the Oliver drabble ˃̵ᴗ˂̵. I still read it btw, cause it is absolutely precious. the deer headrest and the fact he wants to be a good boy made me go (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) did you say spicy 💀 *here lies Isabelle Aiku; beloved wife of Oliver Aiku who is unaware that he is married to her- * Starry you're gonna make me combust from the heat *sending back bear hugs*

*my man is so handsome (>﹏<) and yours is too*

[cubedmango]

hi again from kr anon - thank you for the greetings too!! they're very much appreciated 🥺❤️ and thankfully january went well enough for me, but i'm sorry to hear that about you - i hope you've fully recovered by now, but if not, i hope you continue to get better, and wishing you well in general 🫶🏼💕

anyway ever since your most recent reply and your reblogging some of the posts i linked, i became inspired and kinda went ham in looking for more build fanart and memes/shitposts on tumblr (+ twitter now too) that i thought you'd enjoy (ngl they're mostly ryusen-centric, but some involve other characters too, and just like before, they're all either non-spoilery or contain spoilers only up to the parts i know you've seen dw), and bc unfortunately i'm still not yet done formulating my full reply to your message + my overall review of build, i've decided to share these links in a separate batch of asks ahead instead 😅 so feel free to also like/reblog/retweet whichever ones you like best from here, whenever you want 👍🏼 [1/?]

(rest below)

from twitter: twitter . com/cynonic/status/1744439785220096002?t=ml7-RUxO5wG_Hx1RuYoFwA&s=19 & twitter . com/cynonic/status/1741698101516402694?t=jeeB09x5gieRJMByjcCFOA&s=19 & twitter . com/0e0n0_2/status/1752739004284568020?t=FMOmj13lgC-ftHx8tDXeSA&s=19 twitter . com/1010_mumumu/status/1738570763186389299?t=BnZHQEpRfxFdxe_HCXOhdQ&s=19 (this one is part of a series celebrating the 5th anniversary of hei gen forever last year, and so sento and banjou's appearances here are based on how they looked in that movie) & twitter . com/1010_mumumu/status/1741474547860410529?t=cnut6U-N2pa33lNbtvEqCQ&s=19 (tbh this person is a prolific build fanartist in general, like they even made a series of arts for every single episode of the show + extra material like the movies, but bc of that a lot of their work naturally has spoilers, so it's best to wait to look at the rest of their stuff until after you're done watching) twitter . com/spidergenome/status/1749001327215309037?t=RY_X2N2V6xqFJ1fzoqmEPw&s=19 & twitter . com/nicosaibas/status/1752739603126353963?t=Y4KKCAWqjlEMfETk5bCRsw&s=19 & twitter . com/shibaemon56472/status/1726574998129692718?t=_C80GkxKpPHrDPBEKedDKA&s=19 (ngl this last one made me feel like foaming at the mouth when i first saw it... need more serious/angsty build fanart in this vein actually) [2/?]

from tumblr - memes and shitposts edition: tumblr . com/skajador/701833793679605760/have-you-ever-thought-to-yourself-what-if-the & tumblr . com/number-one-toku-robot-lover/707190595602481152/cina-full-moon-xanadium-saikou-woo-hoo & tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/172667788907 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/170223739892/i-cant-believe-this-happened (speaking of the gay ass ryusen flashback montage at the end of ep. 20...) & tumblr . com/deathdefied/186877098000 & tumblr . com/rollforhotness/679210085964251136/my-friends-have-subjected-me-to-kamen-rider-build tumblr . com/yourfaveisdumbasfuck/182668957031/ryuga-banjou-from-kamen-rider-build-is-dumb-as & tumblr . com/r4bbitdragon/634111980187336704/cinematic-parasols (more build x cm stuff i guess; also 'parasols' is a reference to hei gen final and how the villain there asked banjou if he'd ever heard of parallel worlds - saying it in english - and banjou said he hadn't and "you can take your parasols and your apparels and get stuffed!") & tumblr . com/greatwhitesharktic/168414603408/this-had-to-be-done-obviously [3/?]

tumblr . com/plushie-sentai/721349706589110272/couldnt-stop-thinking-abt-this-audio-as-i & tumblr . com/star-stream/711827004916465664 & tumblr . com/cephalopistol/738928673836695552/discussion-around-internet-culture-during-the tumblr . com/cerastes/635140235277254656/when-character-customization-shows-in-the & tumblr . com/cephalopistol/709346416767729665/i-forgot-to-post-these-yesterday-noooooooo (this one features a bunch of characters from other kr shows you haven't seen, but i'm sure you'll be happy to see the build version at least) & tumblr . com/hyenatron/715226536814493696/banjou-has-no-idea-what-the-plot-of-build-is tumblr . com/tsunflowers/171525478527 & tumblr . com/tsunflowers/170236361802 & tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/174096709452/sento-sometime-in-the-indeterminable-future-hey & tumblr . com/42wv/172324292120/ryuga-gets-it also this one wasn't specifically about build but tell me this isn't sento and blood stalk's current relationship in a nutshell: tumblr . com/panvani/642659794718769152 [4/?]

and from tumblr - fanart edition: tumblr . com/maepop/174491278047/best-match & tumblr . com/swmtk/185287832414 & tumblr . com/deathdefied/185808953970 tumblr . com/mysillycomics/190673525700/thinks-about-kamen-rider-build-constantly & tumblr . com/procrasticus/737389453694386176/ive-been-watching-kamen-rider-build & tumblr . com/wmolecules/170680711727/build-is-pain-so-here-have-something-soft tumblr . com/vanicchidraws/183367254758/kamen-rider-build-starters-kiryuu-sento-x (i'm not really knowledgeable about pokemon myself but i assume you'll know if the ones here fit the characters) & tumblr . com/examorhca/739758146400157696 & tumblr . com/rrotostap/738441549054148608/starting-off-2024-with-a-lil-doodle-of-these [5/?]

tumblr . com/rubberlemon/736876637027811328/i-wonder-how-it-feels-knowing-maths & tumblr . com/m1ontee/736472097386381312/collective & tumblr . com/large8/738352672306085888/hes-so-cutes tumblr . com/m1ontee/738293208293965824/year-2023-year-2024-happy-new-year & tumblr . com/kirider/726752184437555200/backlog-25082022-be-the-light-be-the-light & tumblr . com/mrdinoart/736200905568976896/hagane-no-moonsault-rabbit-tank-wake-up tumblr . com/animasmith263/739096420409278464/happy-new-year-uh-ooh-its-late-cross-z-for-a & tumblr . com/m1ontee/732728912968351744/recall & tumblr . com/m1ontee/737300816789143552/this-show-makes-me-emotionally-distressed [6/?]

tumblr . com/crayaks/722380597270659072/from-2022 & tumblr . com/m1ontee/739727202127675392 & tumblr . com/toseuteu/705549391206989824/since-its-the-year-of-the-build-i-mean-rabbit tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/636335100789915648/19-the-forbidden-item & tumblr . com/tetra-fang/719874639397044224 & tumblr . com/ichippon/733173230693728256/hi-the-animals-ive-been-obsessed-with-lately tumblr . com/minalyce/709262087442104321/he-wants-to-kiss-him-so-bad-but-the-protein & tumblr . com/yaka06210/706244945107943424 & tumblr . com/mrdinoart/722325994695000064/sento-y-banjou-sentados-en-un-banco-sento-and [7/?]

tumblr . com/tetra-fang/701676552416641024 & tumblr . com/hazardlevei/632820389176819712/cosy-ryusens-thanks-everyone-for-coming-to-the & tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/629615350530572289 tumblr . com/mok921/628733669100716032/jump & tumblr . com/hazardlevei/618252874309320704/love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you & tumblr . com/vza-ley/190725492371/it-turns-out-that-love-is-real-after-all tumblr . com/pepegle/627255875002826752 & tumblr . com/pepegle/626622821332893696 & tumblr . com/alienmandyarchive/627113101937000448/best-match tumblr . com/pepegle/626700421893963776 & tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/182400942007/20190126-%E4%BB%A5%E5%89%8D%E6%8F%8F%E3%81%84%E3%81%9F%E8%90%BD%E6%9B%B8%E3%81%8D%E3%81%AB%E8%89%B2%E3%82%92%E5%A1%97%E3%82%8A%E3%81%BE%E3%81%97%E3%81%9F & tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697894945443446785/dapperowl-were-in-this-together tumblr . com/sugarling5/739095128782831616 & tumblr . com/are8exist/706126591221268480/%E4%BB%AE%E9%9D%A2%E3%83%A9%E3%82%A4%E3%83%80%E3%83%BC%E3%83%93%E3%83%AB%E3%83%89%E3%82%AF%E3%83%AD%E3%83%BC%E3%82%BA & tumblr . com/hykwy4d10/177439938428 [8/?]

tumblr . com/gurayura/667866638050377728/dapperowl-ship-request-23-banjou-ryuga-x-kiryu & tumblr . com/sugarling5/713713361882431488 & tumblr . com/sugarling5/695763665548443648 tumblr . com/sugarling5/695763147565481984 & tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/675544478634934272/best-match & tumblr . com/sugarling5/695763006418780160 tumblr . com/demonrice/707712798078205952/best-match & tumblr . com/chacerider/171282562945/hey-sento-why-is-sawa-like-never-around-anymore & tumblr . com/chacerider/171693183615/banjou-seriously-where-do-you-get-those-shirts also here's some fanart you should check out after at least finishing ep. 21: tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/654993427244695552/forcefed-all-of-build-to-han-in-a-weekend-because & tumblr . com/warpstaffs/734561293033472000/sento-kiryu-being-a-pathetic-wet-rabbit-born-in-a & tumblr . com/curlytsunamiart/175360646354/some-ryusen-doodles and then fanart you should look at after at least finishing ep. 22: tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/636342648384421888/22-victory-of-tears & tumblr . com/sugarling5/702007406407876608 [9/?]

and also an edit to watch after finishing ep. 21: tumblr . com/ampersandra/634012352750206976/fuck-it-i-already-posted-this-to-twt-but-this-is some more official photoshoots and promotional images: tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/629800422400475136 & tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/625348446430412800 & tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/181324726008 (this one is a photoshoot they did for hei gen forever like what i mentioned earlier) tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/189774335268 & tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/190142084718 & tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/190628550003 & tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/178192987118/an-end-to-hero-visions-build-wall-saga-and tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705756018521571328 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/702807993153110016 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/703409601880752128 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706343095445405696 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/703322473764175872 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705481362691538944 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706614483275202560 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706794700001165312 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/702356656449847296 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/704808697243795456 & tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706252816585474048 [10/?]

more official merch + kr cafe stuff: tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/648150309174198272/wake-up-babes-new-best-match-jewelry-dropped & tumblr . com/himitsusentaiblog/182766108575/kamen-rider-the-diner-in-ikebukuro-is-doing-a plus i think i might have previously mentioned that the show's theme song had an official english version sung by the same singer (beverly), so now here's the full lyric video (no spoilers dw): youtu . be/G87WJDpNC8Y?si=Fha4f1SBqIfGiqDW also since we've talked about the toku to bl pipeline before, especially with both of build's leads infamously being part of it, here's something you might be interested in: tumblr . com/missmako-chan/739247201631469569/is-this-quote-from-a-bl-or-a-tokusatsu (no overt spoilers btw, aside from out-of-context quotes, and iirc there's only one from build used and it's from an episode i know you've already watched, though the translation used here might be somewhat different from the one you saw; also there's like a couple of cm quotes here too) [11/?]

i took that quiz a while back and got around 70%, which isn't too bad considering i'd only watched like the first half of build at that point and haven't seen any other toku even until now, and have also only watched like 3 bl dramas and not all of them were included here, though overall a lot of it was definitely lucky guessing and the others (both for the toku and bl ones) were stuff i became aware of through osmosis. anyway don't feel pressured about getting a high score though, it's all in good fun and i also wanted to let you see for yourself just how homoerotic toku can get to the point of often being indistinguishable from actual bls 😔 and on this note, you also mentioned in your last reply that kazumi/grease's actor (takeda kouhei) seemed familiar to you - the reason for that might be that you recognize him as one of the leads in old fashion cupcake, which was a pretty popular bl too from what i've heard? idk if you've ever watched it though (i haven't seen it myself, but i might in the future), but yeah that makes 3 main male actors in build part of the pipeline so far (insert even more jokes about "you can't spell build without bl" and heated drama between men here lmao) (and tbh i actually still have some additional posts and tweets on hand, but this is already getting very long and i don't want to overwhelm you even more than i probably already have so i'll just reserve them to share with you another time whgjtsfs) [12/?]

anyway, feel free to go ahead and already ramble about whatever new episodes you may have seen by now, even as i haven't finished writing my full response to your last message yet 👍🏼 especially since you last stopped at ep. 20 (whew what an episode to end on), so that means it's time for everyone's favorite build episode next... like i'm not kidding when i say almost everyone leaves ep. 21 with their brain chemistry fundamentally altered bc it's just that powerful 😭 so i'm really looking forward to seeing your reactions to it 😳 and hope you watch ep. 22 asap too bc it's a banger of a follow-up to 21 🫶🏼 (also now you're delving further into the parts showing who exactly the silly rabbit with a death wish is and just why he has one... hehe) djwjdhfs thanks, i'm so honored that you trust me to be your kr senpai 🙏🏼 and yes i'm done, but like i said earlier, i'm still in the process of organizing my thoughts and writing them down into a concrete summary so it might take a bit longer before i can send the next batch of messages to you. and oh i knew about tsukutabe/she loves to cook and she loves to eat and that it aired its first season like 2 years ago and that there was an upcoming second season, but i didn't realize it had started airing already :O i've been interested in it for a while and actually started reading the manga last year and liked it so far (but i wasn't able to continue past the first few chapters yet bc i got distracted by other media, including kr lol), so thanks for the reminder that i should pick the manga up again + start watching the drama at some point soon 👍🏼 and it's okay i understand, especially since both are good stories worth getting into :-) plus again, no pressure and take your time in watching, and hope you enjoy finishing build and the other shows!! 🥰 [13/13]

kr anon hi again!!!! first off thank u SO MUCH for all these links omgg so much fanart to look at i am so grateful.... 😭🙏 sorry in advance to everyone else for the rb/rt spree that is about to happen in like 10 mins tho-- also i took the quiz and got a 47% which. yeah i was Not ready for how gay those toku quotes got what the fuck.???? like i recognized maybe 5 of them from cm/odt/build/heartstopper but the rest girl... i was Struggling......i still have much to learn about the pipeline i see 👁👁 also also yeah i think thats where i recognize kazumis actor from?? i havent watched that show either but i got a rec for it way before so id seen the poster for it and yeah thats the one i rembered....the pipeline goes crazy what the hell

but also its been so hectic i literally havent had time to watch any further from where i left off last time ough ... literally just as i thought id have time after finishing tsukutabe i got pulled into watching another show by a friend so i think im gonna wait to finish that + cm anime first before getting back into build properly bc i rlly wanna Remember whats going on in the show instead of forgoring it all in the haze of the media consumption fdsfjkdsj,, but still if u wanna share anything else in the meanwhile or if u have ur review of the show pls do send them over id love to see/read!!! 👐

[kiasnocturnality]

♡. @theyreyours

KIA MY EXTRAORDINARILY TALENTED DARLING, THAT WAS SUCH A FANTASTIC RIDE.

my apologies for such a late response . I was processing 😞

it's clear that you put so much thought and effort into this, with each thing intricately planned out and every thing sugared with love— it's obvious that you wanted to get something good out, and you did. it's so good kia. I got the darling guest ending because lowkey I just kissed alois's ass since I love him and he's my baby with hair reminiscent of dove feathers, and like I genuinely felt immersed in this story. like I felt like I infact was interacting with my baby. like I was spiraling the whole time in a GOOD WAY I was like 🔥👄🔥 THERE WAS A REAWAKENED FIRE IN MY EYES THAT HASNT BEEN PUT OUT SINCE. I AM REELING. I CANT WAIT FOR MORE KIA!! (actually I'm capable of waiting because I know your future content will be AS if not MORE amazing as this is. I'm so impressed ! I'm very proud of u kia:D)

I'm like so happy that I'm alois's darling guest, but I do wonder .. can we be more ? will we be more ? can he please give me one chance to prove that I am a capable wife worthy of his love and affection ? STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF LEBLANC LEGACY—

I'm so glad you like it! It was a nightmare at one point trying to figure out what order to post them in so I could link them all together (hence why I was so strict about people not reading anything until I said so lol). I had to draw out a lot of family-tree-looking diagrams while I was plotting the different phases and routes of the story - the little codes at the ends of the tags can help you navigate it ;)

But I really enjoyed making a story that people could interact with! I'm hoping to find the time to make a much bigger interactive story in the future but that'll be a very taxing project so I think I'll do another small 'demo' of another character when I get the chance. I was wondering what ending you'd get actually! I was thinking either the early bad ending (in the hope of provoking some sort of enemies-to-lovers type scene hehe) or the good ending! So it's fun seeing I was right on one of those hehe.

I think if I make another one of these, it'll be about Takeshi, Nasana or Khione. I might even put out a vote about it!

I've been feeling really down for a long time and I know I really shouldn't be so focused on writing when I've got so much on my plate with uni and some family stuff but being productive on my blogs really makes me feel better and I love seeing people enjoying the things I make (I'm like a little gremlin that survives on praise fr)

Also, the idea to make a story you could read like playing a visual novel came from me playing the TOUCHSTARVED demo. It's free on steam and I 100% recommend it to my followers! It's very gothic and the characters are ones I think you'll all love if you like my work (especially Takeshi fans and Vere omggggg). Honestly, if I were better at art, coding and composing, I'd love to make a visual novel of my characters!

(And while we're on the topic, I know I'm on a tangent here, I'd recommend you play Last Legacy on fictif too bc I have a huuuuge crush on Sage hehe)

But I'm so, so happy you liked playing/reading Leblanc Legacy and I hope to do another project like this one in the future!

[solardick]

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

[fedorahead]

ok i originally posted this on facebook but imma overshare here too

hi my name is z yes the letter and i like vampires and pirates and movies about magic and cats

i hate nightmare before christmas because clay mation is weird but i really like wallace and gromit and other stuff aardman makes

i have 2 tattoos of a sun and a cloud on my knees and the cloud knee was aching real bad today because of the weather

i have naturally strawberry blonde hair but when i'm depressed and malnourished it turns brown. i usually dye it auburn but this most recent red was supposed to be black

my favourite animal is a dragon THEYRE NOT IMAGINARY THEY'RE EXTINCT and i also like goats and crows and cats

i collect fashion dolls like fashion polly and sometimes i'll buy a barbie if i like her outfit and i have one rainbow high doll too and i love her

i sew but i am usually too depressed to start and always too adhd to finish

i am diagnosed with adhd which is why i can be so rAnDuMm! but i am also a millenial and we were all like that. i also think i'm autistic and no i can't afford the assessment but everyone who's met me pretty much agrees.

i spent a long time behaving how people want me to, i'm real good at guessing that and adapting to it, and it was crushing my soul and i only did it because any form of social rejection feels like being in life threatening danger to my brain which was comppunded by spending years in extremely abusive situations and online in social circles where rejection could lead to your livelihood and maybe even your life being interrupted making me keep feeling like my fears were more and more valid and real until every part of me that made peiple visibly uncomfortable was cut away and i was charming, clever, and expressed emotions in socially appropriate ways like being mean or asking as many people as possible for their opinion on something before forming mine even though when i actually would then express that stance nobody would back me up becaus people arent honest avout their intentions or expectations which leads to those of us with a strong sense of justice standing up for causes the people who set us at them don't even really believe in

i spent most of my life stuck in this zone of knowing that whatever makes me me leads to isolation and social rejection whcih in turn is dangerous to my physical abd mental health and wellbeing and every hint of rejection sent off cascades of cortisol and adrenaline in my brain and would cause panic attacks and complete non functionality and so ive suppressed that stuff and became someone at lwast the barest amount of acceptable by reading the cues of what people appreciate and approve of and enjoy heing around to the point where i think i can see the real me through a fogged coke bottle glass of memory but i cant make out many details and i'm pretty sure that kid is dead

but the bits of me that have poked through against my efforts are still bouncing around and maybe i can build someone i like out of those instead of resenting them for being unshakable

the first step is embracing the annoying and spontaneous and oversharing side of myself that has been screaming to come out and is constantly locked back in when i wait for someone else's approval

so here you go

i'm 31, and i'm still proc3ssing a lot of my teenage emotions and probably will be for the rest of my life. i am angsty and bitchy and hungry all the time and i love fashion and art and expression and have a passion for weilding the written word with different stances and flourishes to really get a point across stylistically

and it's interesting to think how mcuh of me jas been suppressed for my own safety, even when i didn't know who i was hiding from.

like, some of the safety mechanisms just turned bacn the fuck on a few years ago and nobody really noticed or knew why. and i can track what bad relationship lead me to go from being a super sex positive out loud feminist with strong political convictions and a come at me bro attitude towards censorship, morality, and sexuality to being someone afraid to have anyone know anything i was passionate about, especially when it came to relationships or sex or social justice because those things had been used against me in pretty awful ways, but i was getting better and healing and then that all got shut back up into that tiny box because i had someone in my friends circle who was predatory and sadistic and i didn't even realize how unsafe i felt around him until he started hurting my friends. and even while i was singing his virtues and trying to sell people on his good side i still was uneasy and i just didn't attribute it to him until *his* mask dropped (a secondntime) and i put the pieces together. and honestly? if i had been open in the ways i'd been before all the trauma, i would have been a perfect victim for him. which is, i'm sure, why he started talking to me every week, making sure i'd be at amtgard, right around the time i was starting to come back into my own and start opening up to the world a little more. but that whole part of me got fucked up for a little while by life and by the general bad vibe i had, like i knew being open about sexuality and sex would put me in danger even though i could not see by whom

anyway i quit amtgard. whether he comes back or not, i dont really care, i dont want to be in a community that isn't vigilant and while i wasnt in real danger because i choose to surround myself with people who watch me like a hawk, that's not a community thing and if i hadnt been there when i was, watching someone else like a hawk, some worse shit would have happened.

i'd rather be myself, with all the risks that come with that, and stay safe with my circle rather than being comfortable in a place i have no business being comfortable with people i don't truly know, suppressing who i am because i know that that person is in danger. for wahtever reason, social or physical.

anyway today i'm trying to be honest and true to myself an dthat means a lot of dunb posts that i'll definitely be judged for, and i gotta practice being judged without wanting to kill myself ao here are my cards on the table i guess.

[forestryfae]

hi so i am back at inpatient and its super messy and theres stuff everywhere since i havent unpacked yet and i didnt tidy or clean before i left. and my brain is like hey lets. WRITE about how were gonna do it instead of actually doing it cus it seems like a lot even if it kind of isnt for as long as i just start w the desk and wait w the other stuff until tomorrow

on other hands i want two things. one is another smaller dresser. like i dont wanna fill the room i have here with stuff but i really could benefit from a small dresser i can put some of my stuff in. like slightly larger than a nightstand kinda deal. 3-5 drawers depending on how tall and wide it is though 2 -3 might be the best number it the drawers are DEEP i also HAD bags i used to put my art supplies in whenever i bring it to painting group, but theyre just so small and one of them broke SO i wanna get another bag thats bigger than my other ones. also want a couple more reuseable bags i can use to store some items in so i dont have to deal with having one bag that can barely fit anything anymore and i cant find anything in.

but aside from that i do have two boxes so i think i can manage to tidy a bit and put some stuff away pretty easily once i do start

[spencerthefuckingidiot]

Deaftale’s info!!

this post contains some stuff, such as murder, death, swear words, etc. this AU is also LGBTQIA, so i beg of you, PLEASE LEAVE IF YOU DONT SUPPORT <3 i dont allow non-supporters of the LGBTQIA. This post is extremely long, and it’s not rlly that organized tbh…plz forgive me…also, please do not gatekeep. this is an Alternate Universe, a different version of undertale. Do not accuse me of stealing, please. more info can be found here

↓

This is what you’ve been waiting for!! I’ll post the designs later hahahah

LETS GET INTO IT!!!

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Sans - he’s much more energetic than og!sans, which caused a increase in his HP, which is now 680 HP. Sans is Deaf, and he always has been, but he never got the cochlear implants because he doesn’t want them. Sans does know American Sign Language, and so does a few other monsters, but he only uses ASL to communicate with Papyrus. Sans gets frustrated easily, and sometimes expresses it in unhealthy ways, like hitting his head(or skull)- Sans is demisexual and uses he/they pronouns, but mainly he/him. Sans is..kinda cold towards Frisk when they first meet, but he opens up later on!

Papyrus - Papyrus’ food is actually edible- He is learning ASL, and its going well! Papyrus doesn’t want to join the royal guard, EVER. He’s always around Sans for communication purposes. Papyrus is aroace and uses he/them. He is still friends with Undyne, and Undyne was actually the reason why Papyrus wants to become a chef when he gets on the surface!

Toriel - Toriel doesn’t fight Frisk when they wanted to leave the ruins, Toriel understands why. Toriel still loves Asgore, thats why she and Asgore decided that they needed a break until things work out. Toriel is straight and uses she/her.

Alphys - Alphys is really clumsy and very nervous, but she always tries her best! Alphys doesn’t beat herself up abt messing up anymore. Alphys is still a anime nerd and will always be hahahdmsks- Alphys is bisexual and uses she/her-

Undyne - Undyne knows that anime isnt real. Undyne uses she/they pronouns and is a lesbian <3 Undyne is..tough, but Undyne can get rlly nervous, like when you ask her how babies r made. Undyne was the one who got Papyrus interested into culinary arts b/c Papyrus didnt rlly do anything except clean when Sans didnt need communication and take care of the humans that fell, so yeah-

Mettaton - Mettaton wont ask you if you would smooch a ghost b/c thats super weird- Mettaton is transgender(he/him) and he is demiromantic <3 Mettaton doesn’t like to talk only abt themselves. Mettaton’s show is all about quizzes with less severe consequences, the quizzes cover a lot of topics too!

Napsblook - he’s pretty social, but not too social b/c introvert vibes- Napsblook is aromatic, and he uses he/they pronouns(mainly he/him)- Napsblook doesn’t mind being called Blooky by anyone. Napsblook isn’t on Mettaton’s show b/c of the noises and lights, so he helps Alphys in the lab instead b/c he doesn’t mind watching the show on TV since the lights are less bright and the sounds are less loud- Napsblook does have a vessel but its a lot smaller than Mettaton due to lack of resources </3

Frisk - Frisk is one of the few humans who tried to communicate with Sans. Frisk isn’t used to people being nice to them b/c of his home life. Frisk is genderqueer and uses any pronouns, including neopronouns, and ze is demisexual. Frisk had a crush on a cute Deaf girl but she was murdered.

Chara - Chara is blind, and they were lead to the mountain by their so called friends. Chara is nonbinary, and they are questioning their sexuality- Chara was born on October 31st, 1992 & the year is 2003, so Chara is 11 years old. Chara fell at 8 years old. Chara uses Asriel as their seeing-person. Chara got cancer and they weren’t able to beat cancer due to lack of medical stuff required to help fight cancer.

Asriel - Asriel is really shy and timid at first, but he opens up if you’re deemed not a threat! Asriel is sensitive to sound, and how Asriel copes with really loud noises can vary, but the common reaction for Asriel is hitting someone that is the closest to Asriel. Asriel(and Flowey) is 11, like Chara. Asriel uses he/them, and Azzy is bisexual. Azzy is Asriel’s nickname

Flowey - he’s a lil shit, but they do get nervous when Chara is mentioned, b/c he and Azzy are the same person.

Asgore - Asgore doesn’t want to hurt anyone anymore, but he has no idea how to tell Toriel that he doesn’t want war anymore.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

i spent too much time on this 💀💀

srry if its cringe, idk how to not make things cringe brrr

[re-ikrmso]

another c!ikari ramble and thier goals during the remade arc. So. why did they want to ‘ruin’ eleven’s new world?

in text, they talk about a “quota” that was fulfilled in the last world and laments that they have to start over in the new one. Though its just as likely theyre saying that to give a more “direct reason” to oppose c!eleven

They fucming HATE c!eleven. Anything they do, they oppose. Spite. give eleven a “fuck you” even with how weak they are. And this world of eleven’s where anything could go his way, where the people are entirely powerless…well, ikari’s gotta go do some shit to his project world to show him hes not all that hot.

Boredom. theyre afraid that a “perfect” world would lead to nothing ikari can intervene or revel in. c!ikari doesnt often start things that have long direct lasting impacts on thier own, thier own storyline is often attached to c!cart’s and other people’s and rarely start any trouble themselves. until the remade arc. Then all thier lives are “perfect”. And then there is no more fun with any of ikari’s friends.

A “perfect” world is fundamentally wrong in thier eyes. what makes it wrong? it just…is. there HAS to be something horribly, HORRIBLY wrong and sick and twisted underneath that “utopia”. And Ikari is going to fcuking find it. And if there somehow isnt anything ikari can find, then theyll bring the pain the world needs back.

Yea, ikari aint the best person. theyre a jackass. but they are genuinely scared. like just. they cant put it into words or actual reasons but they know that eleven has just done something WRONG. The entire world was destroyed and then remade all in one persons’ taste, just because he could not accept one death (ikari spares no sympathy after nearly being killed by BOTH parties.) Ikari’s powers have been halved, they just got thier memories back, they dont know if theres anyone that remembers them or could help them, and now it’s revealed that thier former, egotistical friend (that has been proven to be dangerous time and time again) is fucking god of the world. Aka. ikari is seemingly alone in a remade world to eleven’s whims and under the mercy of a god that dislikes them. If theyre going to go out. If theyre staring the person that reset all thier efforts and had KILLED them before, then…well, they’ve got to keep thier cool, don’t they? Give eleven a solid “fuck you” before he inevitably punishes them for just breathing. Thats how ikari feels. even then it makes little impact, and they do eventually find out not all is “perfect”. C!eleven does not genuinely care about the well-being of anyone in his world except for few, ikari often makes her crimes as non-lethal as possible (often opting to promote fear over claiming lives but im not justifying them. its still wrong but im trying to highlight a difference between c!ikari and c!eleven here.) And then they find out cart’s still being hunted by gangs, and oh boy this world sucks but its not that bad! so they go back into old antics and…well it leads into the ending. im not talking about the ending though. ikari just. loses drive for her goal of “ruining” eleven’s world. She spends tome making bar drinks, spends a good chunk of that time with c!cart and helping them out, spends a decent chunk pf time not doing anything at all. like. sigh. c!ikari is the biggest asshole ever but not really but also is.

//im trying to be less biased when talkin about my characters and stuff but like. im reallly fond of them. eh. a lot of ikari’s actions are understandable but not right. same goes for eleven, honestly but. stuff. aughhh c!ikari i cant wait to get home to post more art

[cheswirls]

2021 vers!! 

considering my wrist got bad again mid-dec 2020 and stayed that way until june i got a lot more done than i thought!! (this PLUS being back in school full-time from aug-nov)

i started using that new pencil brush for lines this year but aside from like. general anatomical/etc improvement i feel like nothing changed a whole lot. in some parts im okay w that bc ive been liking my style more and more lately so !! art confidence for the win ig