#cas looked so completely devastated

[thenameisgul]

‘something went wrong, dean. Something always goes wrong, you know that!’

‘yeah, and why does that something always seem to be you’

idk about y’all but this one piece of dialogue just makes me physically hurt everytime i see it in gifs, edits or the show itself

it’s such a cruel thing to say to anyone but especially to someone you care about so much, your bestfriend, someone who never really had much to begin with and just lost the most important person in his life apart from you

this just makes me hate dean (for a few brief moments) everytime. It’s so sad.

[middlingmay]

So I wrote a wee fic for the mindbogglingly good art by @crowthis, of Buck and Bucky reunited in the Stalag. One of the best pieces of fan art I've seen in this fandom. I love it so much.

Enjoy!

He shoulda kissed him.

As soon as Bucky saw the US Air Force’s answer to those Hollywood starlets, he was more or less a goner. He saw that perfectly styled golden hair and that polished outward veneer and wanted to play with him so bad, just to rough him up a little. Bucky even practically wrote his damn name on him, like he did with his toys when he was a kid, the rare few he didn't want to share, in case any of the neighbour kids got the wrong idea.

He paraded Buck around base, calling him by his new name until everyone else did the same. He cackled, head thrown back and throat exposed at Buck’s acerbic, grumpy sense of humour that he muttered under his breath to John, and only John. He looked at Gale with fervour and pin-point focus when they debated strategy, all passionate and rapid fire, forgetting there was a room full of other men who may have had something to contribute. And people learned real quick that, on the rare occasions that John, affable, friendly John, started to simmer to his boiling point, it was Cleven who would turn down the heat with a steady hand or a tilt of the head or an uptick of the lips.

Apart from that one fella who whistled and called John Buck's guard dog and John decided, fuck it, and leaned in and bit him—

But it all boiled down to the same thing. Bucky would have been less subtle if he’d just planted one on Gale Cleven the second he walked into basic.

I shoulda kissed him.

It had been tugging at the back of his head all night. Buck had said Marge was bringing a friend, that she was a real nice girl. And she was, for all that John was invested. But they’d been treating each other - he and Lil - with the same polite but bemused curiosity as kids whose parents took them on a playdate with a complete stranger. Detached, but nice. But the two girls on the other hand…

“Marge and Lil are awful friendly,” he drawled, eyeing them as they left for the powder room. “She grow up with youse on the ranch?”

Gale rolled his eyes. Jokes about cowboys and ranching were a staple part of John’s teasing. He carefully set down his glass, smirked and shook his head. He cocked it, too, licked his lips a little and looked at John something terribly sweet. The same way he always looked at him. Same way Marge looked at Lil—

Oh. “Oh!” John laughed through his surprise, his nerves. “Oh, that right?”

Gale shrugged. A little tension rolled the movement. But he still looked at John calm and steady, full of the trust they had built up and up and up until it sustained itself. “You tell me?”

John smiled and leaned over the table. Gale moved with him to hear him over the din and John dropped his voice low. John could feel the heat of Gale’s cheek almost brushing his.

He turned a little and said into Gale’s ear, “Oh, I’d say it’s more than alright with me.”

I shoulda kissed him.

He was still devastated Gale had said no; that he’d be spending a weekend in London alone. It made him not want to go—to refuse the golden weekend passes, because what was the point without him? What was the point in going somewhere he couldn’t keep an eye on Buck, talk to Buck, look at Buck, breathe Buck in, hear him talk? But it would have looked too suspicious. Some of the guys knew about ‘em—the ones they trusted the most. But, although being queer wasn’t a crime anymore, there were still enough backwards sorts around who frothed at their bigot mouths seeing two fellas together, that their lives would be made so much more difficult than they needed to be if word got out.

So, instead, Buck saw John settled on the jeep that would take him to the train station.

“Don't you be gettin’ too wild out there,” Gale rumbled a teasing warning. “Jack can’t handle any more stress from you.”

Bucky bit back the useless reminder that Gale could keep an eye on him if he came with. “Watch out,” he said instead. “I’ll be the poster boy of the Air Force. Steal your bit.”

“Stealin’ someone else’s girl, more like.”

John caught the tone underneath. He was real good at jokes that weren’t really jokes at all. They were kind his specialty. “Hm. Not this time.”

Gale studied him a moment. “No?”

“I already got me a dame.”

Gale huffed a laugh. “That right?”

“Real looker, too,” John grinned. “Blonde bombshell. Blue eyes. Real pouty lips. A man’s dream, Buck. I ain’t gonna slum it with anyone else when I’ve got that waitin’ for me.”

Gale coughed and blushed something fierce and tried to hide his smile by plucking out a fresh toothpick to chew on.

“Go on, get,” he said, slapping the back of the jeep. “I’ll see you Monday.”

The jeep and John rolled off and John didn��t look away from Gale until the jeep tore him out of sight.

I shoulda kissed him.

John said it to himself as the bombs fell in London.

I should’ve kissed him.

He said it to himself as Red stuttered the results over the phone and as John walked into barracks that fell deathly silent at the sight of him.

I should have kissed him.

He said it to himself as he bailed with Brady, and got captured by the farmer, and was stuck on a damn train with a dead man, and watched men get butchered by townspeople, and woke up covered in bodies and ran covered in brains and blood, and when he was in the Dalag and that cunt Hausmann dared utter his name—

“John Egan! Your two o’clock!”

One of John’s eyes was barely open. His hair was thick and heavy and crusted with dirt and blood. His body felt slow and hot and cold in a way John knew didn’t mean anything good. But when Buck Cleven rises from the damned dead, smiling at you through a barbed wire fence, it was funny how little any of that fucking mattered.

His feet were caught in the slow, trudging wave of fresh POWs, trying to sweep him along. But his brain was stuck on one thing and one thing only.

I shoulda kissed him.

“What took you so long?”

Johnny still had some strength left in him, and he fought against the wave.

I shoulda kissed him.

He used the arms and shoulders he’d been blessed with to nudge and barge and push people out of the way. They glowered and sneered and shook their heads, but none of them had the energy to do much else.

I shoulda kissed him.

Gale saw him coming, pushed himself as close as he could to the fence. It was the difference of millimetres. But they still translated to being millimetres closer to John.

John was nearly there, pushing the last body, the last obstacle out of the way.

I shoulda kissed him.

John’s hands seized Gale’s where they clutched the wire fence. He felt it cut into their hands as they entwined their fingers and pressed and squeezed until their fingers were all white pressure—

I shoulda—

John swooped down and Gale pressed up and their lips met in a desperate gasp. John couldn’t have kept the sob of sheer relief that bubbled up his throat inside if his life depended it on. But Gale swallowed it down and kissed him harder, and John took it all like it was the breath of life.

“Aw Jeez—Majors!”

“The fuck are you lookin’ at, huh? What?!”

“I fucking see you thinking! Unthink it, you son of a bitch. I goddamn dare you.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ touch him you Kraut motherfucker! Try that on someone who doesn’t have their back turned—yeah! Over here!”

John was deaf to the boys of the 100th, on both sides of the fence, hollering and bellowing threats, still protecting the backs of their Majors. Gale was deaf to the sounds of the other POWs, those who didn’t know them, cursing and spitting obscenities. John didn't feel the grasping hand of the guard who’d come to tear him away. They would deal with it all later; it didn’t matter.

All that mattered was they were here, together, and they’d get out of this thing alive.

[disasterbijedi]

bear with me for a second.  episode 13 was supposed to be the MID-SEASON finale.  if the CW wasn’t completely bankrupt, it was expected they would have ordered more episodes for the second half of the season.  

something tells me this isn’t the last we see of dean, nor is it the last word on his status.  he looked DEVASTATED by the idea of returning to heaven.  that ... that wasn’t a feel-good ending.  it’s clear dean wants more.  he’s desperate to find another mission to give purpose to his life, another story where he could finally be happy.  the whole season was about this.  it doesn’t make sense for his story to end here. 

and the episode title?  that’s no way to say goodbye?  i think that was about dean.  this wasn’t the way for him to say goodbye to his story.  this was the mid-season climax, the tipping point where we realize the status quo no longer stands, and things begin to change.

i’m half expecting dean will become a cas-like figure, repeatedly rebelling against jack’s “natural order.”  he’s the one with the crack in his chassis, the soldier who won’t follow the new orders.  

but also ... jack isn’t chuck.  he understands free will better than most.

ultimately, this universe isn’t dean’s.  so i’m holding out hope that when jack told dean to return to his story, he meant HIS universe, the one where dean met cas in hell.  that story has been left unfinished.  

it’s telling that cas wasn’t there to retrieve dean.  either he’s on board with dean’s multiverse traveling and interference ... or he’s still in the empty.  and dean was driving across universes to find him.  

i can’t predict what season 2 will hold.  but episode 13 wasn’t supposed to be the end.  and i can’t imagine it’s the end of dean’s life either. 

[destielomegaversebigbang]

Castiel's Guide to an Accidental Courting

Posting September 9, 2024

Fic by Siaice

Art by SoloArcana

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Castiel had long since given up hope of participating in Courting Season. No one would like to mate a clumsy Alpha with black wings, a loner who preferred to spend his free time gardening, studying animals and carving in wood, instead of doing some commanding job. So, why even bother? He had his patients, nature and his peace of mind. That’s all he ever needed. And if sometimes he wished for his friend to reciprocate his feelings… Well, that’s his little secret.

But why did Dean suddenly start invading his personal space? And why did he keep looking at him like that?

Dean, as the Omega son of the leader of the Earthly Angels’ flock, is expected to attend every Courting Season that happens in Heaven. Four times a year, every year, he has to say ‘no’ to random suitors (or a very stubborn one) because the only Alpha he wants can't take the damn hint.

But oh, why is Cas presenting his wings to him? Is it finally happening?!

Or:

A story about one idiot who thinks he’s being courted, and the other idiot who isn’t courting him at all.

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Angels, Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Wing Fic, Wing Kink, Wing Grooming, Fluff, Slight Angst, Humor, Fantasy, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Romantic Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Courting Rituals, Courting Gifts, Courtship, Oblivious Castiel, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Mutual Pining, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Hunter Dean Winchester, Healer Castiel, Doctor Castiel, Carpenter Castiel, Demisexual Castiel, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Unrequited Michael/Dean Winchester, Past Bullying, Very Light Violence, Animal Death (in the past, random bird), Chase, Knotting, Mating Rituals, Mating Bond, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Happy Ending

Excerpt below the cut

“If you must know, I was researching bird habits for… fun.”

“Oh, yeah? I knew you were a nerd but even you must have better ways to entertain yourself than that,” Dean’s tone was playful, teasing, yet Castiel couldn’t reveal the real reason behind his dancing session, it could have ended up being humiliating or devastating.

Knowing he had nothing to lose - Dean had already caught him - Castiel decided that the best defense was an attack (as in surprise, not physical). Assuming quickly a crouching position, he spread his wings, bringed them slightly forward and started shaking them alternately up and down along with his arms.

Dean choked on his tongue, his eyes going wide, disbelieving in what he saw happening in front of him.

“What the hell?”

“The male ostrich’s courtship dance is much more animated than this, very gyrating and with wildly waving of his head - my neck is not adapted to such movements,” Castiel tried to recreate the motion he saw on the video with a poor result.

Trying to keep his balance, Castiel closed his eyes, therefore completely missing the flicks of the curious omega’s wings.

“They’re naturally quiet birds, but during the mating season they make loud, hollow-sounding booms to attract hens,” he shared, before he froze to reach deep inside himself to release a low, rumbling sound that puffed out his cheeks.

A loud burst of laughter forced him to lift his eyelids.

Dean looked so happy. He was laughing so hard he had to clutch his knees to avoid falling forward and had problems with catching his breath.

It was the most beautiful thing Castiel has ever seen in his life.

[petermorwood]

Word changes...

All of the following is IMO, so YMMV. :->

*****

Anyone noticed how "weaponry" is used nowadays in places where "weapons" would work just fine (and is often more correct)?

Yes, they ARE interchangeable, sort-of, but it's clunky and sounds to me either slightly journo-pompous or like a failure to remember the right word so plugging the most similar one into its place.

ETA: I checked one of my dictionaries, and while "weapons" is more modern, "weaponry" is an obsolete word which has come back into favour. I wonder why...?

*****

"Decimate" turns up all the time, usually when the correct word is "devastate".

Merriam-Webster says: "It's totally fine to use 'decimate' as a synonym for 'devastate'. This is why."

Beg to differ.

As the M-W article points out, "decimate" originally meant a Roman military punishment applied to one man in ten of a guilty unit. (Initially execution, but this had a rotten effect on unit morale, so it was reduced in severity to fatigues, extra drill or restricted rations.)

That's now considered a far too specific meaning and only linguistic pedants dig their heels in. Quite right too, and I speak here as a (bit of a) linguistic pedant...

However, it remains a useful word for more generalised incomplete destruction of living things - saying a regiment, flock, herd or population was "decimated" implies there are some survivors without quibbling over how many tenths. If totally wiped out, however, that's when words like "destroyed" or "obliterated" are more appropriate.

On the other hand something inanimate like a factory, city or region would be "devastated" - and in addition, saying someone is emotionally devastated is understandable, but saying they're emotionally decimated is peculiar.

Two words, several meanings.

It's like cutlery: a spork can replace knife, fork and spoon, but individual utensils give a lot more precision and variation of use.

*****

There are also a couple of real howlers, not just transposed words but actual errors.

One I've heard several times is using "siege" (a noun, or thing) instead of "besiege" (a verb, or action).

For reference, there's a term called noun-verbing, and the practice is quite old: "table the motion / pencil you in / butter him up / he tasks me", but all are either when there isn't already a verb-form of the word, or as a more picturesque way of saying something.

(Interesting side-note about "table the motion": in US English, it means "to postpone discussion" while in UK, CA and I think AU English, it means the complete opposite, "to begin discussion". Why there's this difference, I have no idea, but it's worth remembering as a Brit-fix when writing, also in a real-life business context.)

There IS an existing verb for the action of surrounding a castle and cutting it off from outside help, and that verb isn't "sieged". It's "besieged" or "under siege". Anywhere using "sieged" as a verb is wrong. The Firefox spellchecker in Tumblr Edit Mode is telling me it's wrong right now.

Merriam-Webster, I'm looking at you again.

*****

There's also "coronate" used as a verb. "The King was coronated at Westminster Abbey". Nope. He was CROWNED.

Coronate is an adjective (meaning crown-shaped) and was coined in in the 1600s by a botanist, as a word to describe the shape of certain plants.

The current Royal-associated usage seems to be a bastard back-formation from "coronation", because the act of putting on a crown is the verb "to crown".

This is almost identical in German, French, Italian and Spanish, with noun and verb the same. The only difference is that their verbs have, what a surprise, verb-endings (-en, -er, -re and -ar) on the noun while English does not.

Because English doesn't like to make things that easy...

"Coronated" might be people trying to sound archaic, or those who've bought into the dopey "said-is-dead" school, who perform any linguistic contortion to avoid common words, and who've been taught that repetition in a sentence - "crowned with a crown" - is BAD.

Is "coronated at a coronation" in some way better?

Guess what's got uncritical examples...

If that's M-W scholarship, I'll stick to the OED and my old but utterly reliable New Elizabethan Dictionary, thanks very much.

*****

Language is funny: sometimes funny ha-ha, sometimes funny annoying, but often just funny peculiar, because English etc. etc...

[meganlpie]

I Can Still Sense Him

Based on this request: Hey, if requests are still open I was going to ask for a Supernatural request where the reader (fem) is Gabriel’s human mate. When he dies shes devastated and everyone says she’s delusional because she can still…sense him. But then he really is alive and decides he can’t take hiding anymore and just comes back out into the open To be with her

Here you are, lovely! As always, I do not own ANY SPN characters. They belong to the writers/creators of the show.

Warnings: Destined mates, angst(mentions of death), fluff, and it's a little short.

Pairings: Gabriel x fem!reader, The Winchesters.

Most people would hate someone that caused the "death" of a person they cared for multiple times. But when you officially met Gabriel, you didn't see the same Trickster that the Winchesters saw. You saw someone broken and lonely. Someone a lot like you. You also immediately saw that he was not a typical Trickster. You'd seen his wings. A sign of an angel's destined mate.

          So of course, you'd pleaded with the Winchesters to let him go. They had trusted your judgment and did as you asked. After that, Gabriel made a habit of popping in to see you every now and again. You certainly didn't mind. Even if you hadn't known you were destined mates, the connection between you two was undeniable. You spent as much time as you could with him.

           He made you laugh, no matter the situation, and after a while, you could not deny that you fell in love with him. You got butterflies whenever he turned those honey-colored eyes on you. Or when he smiled at you. You wanted to be with him as often as possible. But, before you could admit to the mischievous angel that you loved him, he was gone. Taken from you.

          After the Winchesters and Castiel told you about Gabriel's death, you were devastated to say the least. You completely shut down. Hardly ate or slept, refused to hunt. You became a shell of yourself for what seemed like a long time. But just when you were at your lowest, you started to feel…something. You couldn't describe it, but it almost felt like Gabriel was still with you in some way. There were times you felt so at ease, like you could feel him hugging you close or hear him whispering in your ear. It brought you peace whenever you were alone.

          When the Winchesters questioned why you suddenly started acting like yourself again, you couldn't really explain it. You knew they'd jump to the different, albeit possible, conclusion that you were being haunted by something else. Or they'd think you were crazy. But the two men were very persistent and didn't trust sudden changes in the people they cared about or hunted with. So you had to try and explain.

           "I-I don't know how to explain it, guys. I just…started feeling better. Like Gabriel's still with me. Like he's here and helping me." As you suspected, the two exchanged a look like they didn't believe you.

          "Gabriel's gone, Y/N," Sam said softly, earning an eye roll from you. "I know that, Sam! Can't you let me have just a little sense of peace for once?! I lost the love of my life, something I thought you of all people would understand!" You didn't wait for him to reply before you got up and stomped out of the room. Was it a low blow? Yes. But you felt Sam had it coming in that moment.

          For weeks after that, you didn't speak to Sam at all and talked to Dean only when you had to. He had not said anything to you about your feelings, but you knew he thought you were insane as well. Even Cas thought there was something wrong with you. Still, you held onto that feeling, that sense, that Gabriel was somehow still with you. Even if it was only in spirit. Then, it happened.

          You were in Vegas (go figure) with the boys on a hunt. The hunt lead you to a hotel room. Dean wanted to go crashing into the room like an 80s TV cop, but you rolled your eyes and knocked on the door. The door opened and you swore your heart stopped.

          "Hey, Sweetcheeks. Miss me?"

          "G-Gabriel?" you squeaked out as tears formed in your eyes and you lowered your weapon. He smiled at you. Turning to Dean beside you, you asked, "Am I dreaming? Am I dead?" Dean simply shook his head, unable to form words. You wasted no time in launching yourself into the archangel's arms. Gabriel let out a huff followed by a light laugh.

          "I missed you too, Lollipop." You gripped onto the back of his shirt as he held you. "I knew I felt you." He laughed again. "Sorry I disappeared on you. I had to make dear Luci think I was gone. My…buddy Loki's been letting me hide out as him for a while, but I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to see you again," his whispered to you. "I'm just gonna…" Dean stated, trailing off before turning to leave you and Gabriel alone.          

Gabriel lead you fully into the room and shut the door. "The guys thought I was crazy," you stated and Gabriel shook his head. "I wanted to make sure you knew I'd never leave you if I didn't have to." You gripped onto him again. Truthfully, you were terrified to let go. "It's alright," Gabriel whispered, "I'm sticking around for a while. I'm not leaving my mate alone again." And when his lips met yours for the first time in so long, you knew he was telling the truth.

(a/n: I hope you like it! Also, how do we feel about Gabriel calling the reader "Lollipop"? I thought it was a cute nickname, but if you hate it, I won't use it in future Gabriel fics.)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @brewsthespirit-blog @sirkekselord @aikibriarrose @lady-of-lies @motleymoose @esoltis280 @stories-by-shanna-p @dark-angel-is-back @supernatural4life2022

SPN Tags: @jotink78

[best-nun-tournament]

Round 1, Match 28

Sam and Dean Winchester (Supernatural) vs John Wilkes and Edwin Booth (US history)

Propaganda under break. Spoilers for Supernatural

Sam and Dean Winchester

Unlicensed and unregistered guns/vigilante justice

---------

they try to kill each other SO many times. well maybe not that often but more often that is emotionally healthy for both of them. dean tries to kill sam (4.14, 8.06, 10.03, 10.23) and sam tries to kill dean (4.14).

in s10 dean has this really shitty curse that basically makes him really violent and want to kill people. however he also wants to just try to deal with it instead of trying to remove the curse because they know removing the curse would cause something really bad to happen. they don't know WHAT the bad thing is but they do know it would be devastating. anyways sam goes behind dean's back and gathers a bunch of other people to try and remove this curse even though dean doesn't want him to AND even though he knows it would cause terrible consequences. eventually sam does get the curse removed and surprise! the bad thing that happens is THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE. basically.

in s9 dean lets an angel possess sam - something he knows sam would never consent to under normal circumstances - in order to save his life and then, when sam finds out and gets mad about it, dean basically refuses to apologize. and then he just never gets around to apologizing about it or even showing regret about doing it.

in s4 sam lies to dean continuously and works with a demon behind dean's back, and he's also doing the supernatural equivalent of drugs that give him powers. when dean finds out about this he locks sam up in a panic room to suffer through his (very painful) withdrawal completely alone. also sam is having hallucinations of dean calling him a monster. and when another character says that he thinks they should let sam out because sam is at risk of dying, dean says "at least he dies human." later sam gets out of the panic room, dean catches up to him, and they have this huge fight where sam just beats dean up.

honorable mention: in between s7-s8 dean dies and goes to purgatory. the concept of purgatory is previously mostly unexplored on supernatural so sam doesn't really know that dean is in purgatory in the first place but also he just straight up does not bother looking for dean at all and just goes back to living a normal suburban life for a couple months. and then when dean gets back he is SO upset about this and resents sam for it for basically the whole season. (this is also one of the reasons he tries to kill sam.)

also they continually try to save each other, at the expense of themselves + each other + everyone around them. they also treat cas (cas!! my best girl cas!!) really shittily on multiple occasions just because he's in the way of their goals.

ALSO. very important. sam & dean are, respectively, the vessels of lucifer & michael (like the archangels) and essentially they are destined to each get possessed by lucifer/michael and kill each other in the apocalypse (the 1st apocalypse, not the 2nd).

all this propaganda might be a little bit biased in favor of sam because i'm a samgirl but you get the point. they think they're so normal but they are SO fucked up. they hurt themselves AND each other in the pursuit of trying to do what they each think is best and they never ever learn from it. i don't even ship wincest i just think they are so interestingly fucked up AND that's not even going into all the stuff about their childhoods / pre-canon

John Wilkes and Edwin Booth

They were actors which is fine. Except. Edwin was better and John was bitter. And the John assassinated the President while delivering a line well associated with Edwin's Brutus. Edwin (already on the outs with John) disowned his brother after that.

Poll Runner's Note: Also their brother Junius Brutus Booth Jr was arrested because of John Wilkes Booth shooting the president. And the three of them had just done Julius Caesar in 1864 (John Wilkes was Mark Antony and Junius was Crassus), the year before the assassination.

One of Junius' other famous roles was as King John, also in this tournament!

[canonicallyobserving911]

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 21 is now available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 21 chapters completed: 797.3K Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from one of Buck's and Eddie's romantically fluffy conversations included in Chapter 21.

___________

Without ending their embrace, Buck turns around in his arms and once they’re face to face, he says, “I’m going to miss you”.

“I’m going to miss you too.”  He replies then he leans in and kisses him.

It’s a long, deep and slow kiss that he hopes will remain imprinted in the front of his mind until they see each other again in more than 56 hours.

They only break it when they need to come up for air and after they do, they lean their foreheads against each other’s with their lips only millimeters apart.

“I love you!”  Eddie emphatically admits.

“I love you too with every piece of me!”

“We only have 5 more days until we leave for Europe and 7 more days until we get married.”

“And I can’t wait.”  Buck replies then he kisses his fiancé once more because he can.  When he pulls back, he looks into Eddie’s honey brown eyes and exclaims, “Babe, since we’ll only be in the states for a few more days… I—I want us to enjoy them.  I don’t want to think about anything but us getting ready to leave L.A. so we can focus on us getting married.”

He smiles and nods.  “I love that idea.  Let’s focus solely on our trip and leave whatever happened in the last few weeks right here in Los Angeles, CA.”

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-21 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[total-convergence]

This is a sandwalker, common in the “african” deserts of AfroEuroAustralAsia. These animals belong to a diverse group often called “the Headless”, or “Bluebloods” because most of them look like they lack necks, which isn’t quite true. Their ancestors, the giant malaysian cockroach, ironicaly has a very flexible “neck” for an insect. Some call them “Bluebloods” because they have blue, copper based blood, and also a lot more efficient vascular system than their sixty million years old ancestor. The sandwalkers are rather primitive compared to the other headless, but evolved extremely rapidly like the rest of them.

The malaysian roaches were one of the first animals to re-colonize the islands in oceania devastated by human activity (it was also very common for them to raft since the ocean levels were quickly rising) and so they appeared in an environment with many unoccupied niches and no predators with the exception of birds, that later established populations on said islands too. A lot of the already big roaches grew even bigger because the bigger you are, the more you can eat and the harder it is for the birds to swallow you. Larger individuals would also have slightly different calls due to their body shape, and so they would more likely socialize and mate with similarly sized roaches, resulting in a very slow sympatric speciation contributing to the headless’ / bluebloods’ evolution. The manmade nanite activity has driven many species to extinction, but in case of these giant roaches, they speeded up their enlargement process, because the odds we on their side and the nanites caused several random mutations that contributed to the developement of active respiration and later complex vascular system. As the sea levels were decreasing, the islands of what was previously Malaysia, Indonesia, Papua new Guinea and the neighbouring countries, increased in numbers, size and diversity, and so did the headless. They later dispersed into what used to be Australia, where they also thrived. When Australia started colliding with Asia (ca. 50my after human extinction), the headless experienced a huge decline because of the competition from mainland animals, but a few of them have managed to spread far into the west into Africa, which by now was separated from Asia and Europe by tall mountains instead of the sea. And among these bluebloods are the sandwalkers.

Oh and about the organ on the male’s back? These are modified wings. Giant malaysian cockroach females lack wings completely, and so do the sandwalker females. Males use these “wings” to serenade for the females with chirps and buzzes. The hind wing became a stump, while the fore wing went harder and immobile, completely encircled the hind wing and fused with the carapace. Males create these sounds by stridulation, vibrating the hind wing while it is in contact with the grooved carapace. The immobile fore wing acts as a sound amplifier. Different headless species have different shapes of these structures, creating vastly different mating calls. The larger ones make sounds similar to a pitched-down chainsaw and can travel for houndreds of meters.

And here’s a bit more cartoonish one. Her name is Head and she belongs to a young Yuo Yowa (a species not introduced yet) merchant who travels around the desert and sells low quality salt for high prices.

[shallowseeker]

Why is Dean so stressed in 14x17?

(We know why.)

Ahem:

The visuals of this are pretty goddamned painful

And WTF is UP with these foreshadowing lyrics??? soft country music -> Jackie Stewart's Maybe Tomorrow>

We had a quarrel Like lovers do Still I can't make my heart Believe we're through For I still love you With all my heart And life means nothing When we're apart Maybe tomorrow When comes the dawn Maybe the dark clouds Will all be gone Maybe tomorrow The sun will shine Maybe tomorrow You'll still be mine

etc etc

This could be foreshadowing...OR maaybe Dean n' Cas actually had a smallish weird fight about Cas leaving again.

I mean, Cas is lying about a ton of stuff (Empty deal, Felix the snake, searching for God), and Dean is pretty good at pinging that, even when he tries to swallow it down and overlook it.

///

And Dean?

Dean is so stressed out that not only do Mary and Jack notice, but they're taking actions to calm him down/cheer him up

Sam prooooobably knows why Dean is unhinged, so he quickly volunteers to get outta Dodge and pick up the food. (I feel ya, Sammy. You are me in this moment.)

Meanwhile, Dean struggles to win Mouse Trap. We get a closeup of the foot kicking the "audience" eye. NOTE that in the actual game, it's just a plain silver ball.

Or at least that's how I remember it and have always seen it. If anyone know of a version that was released with an eye, hit me up.

Otherwise I'm gonna assume it was completely intentional, and Dean is trying to have a normal family game night without "us" interfering.

<Cue Dean screaming over sucking at the game>

He's, uh, wound pretty tightly today, actually.

We can see that from Jack and Mary's following convo. Seems like today, they're the ones tag-teaming to mollify Dean.

(Dean, who is stressed because Cas is AWOL and acting cagey and probably not answering his phone again.)

JACK: "I thought this was supposed to relax him."

Ahahaha, oh Mary. "Let's give Dean a little game and he'll relaxies and be nicies to us!"

Oh yea.

Cas definitely isn't answering his phone, and everyone is tiptoeing around Dean because of it.

///

Tragedy: Jack & Mary get along really well!

Just gonna point out that Jack is actually VERY comfortable with her in general.

He spent MONTHS with her at war. She was his advisor. Given that he ran away from TFW a few weeks after his birth, much of his formative parenting was done by Mary Campbell Winchester, not Sam and Dean (nor Cas)!

She checks in with Jack, but she doesn't push. Result? Genuine, blunt Jack emotions:

(MARY is thinking "FUCK, first my oldest son is acting like a basket-case and screaming at a toddler's game and now my grandson is acting like this. FML. Cas, come home now. Plz for the love of all that is holy.")

Tragically, because of the trust and comradery between them, Mary offers something the others don't: permission to vent.

(MARY: Jack, if you wanna talk shit about everyone, I love shit-talk. )

Funnily enough, Mary doesn't use a lot of words here. It's a partially silent communication. "If you ever wanna vent..." (gentle head tilt like, 'y'know.')

JACK: You're here. I know. (silent appreciative looks, then Jack makes a head motion like 'c'mon let's go').

And ACTUALLY.

Jack reacts genuinely well to that. He and Mary...get each other. He feels comfortable telling her what he really thinks.

See, I think this emotional permissiveness that we see with Mary is devastating. Jack tends to get more genuinely irritable and say what he thinks with Mary (also Dean n' Cas). Even when he's soulless and working hard to "perform" soulfulness, his real irritation slips out with her.

Tragically, that means she was probably always more risk with Jack. Because he's more comfortable throwing his real, ugly emotions at them.

(Sam on the other hand is more cerebral and perhaps at times...unintentionally distant because it's all so eloquent, careful, scripted.)

///

DEAN: (swallowing his nerves and trying to be cheerful and teasing) All right! Winchester game night is a go! Soon as Sammy gets back with two double-pepperoni meat blasters...and a pineapple.

Jack seems appreciative of the banter here. He doesn't wanna be pushed right now.

///

Dean is weird when Sam doesn't pick up his phone right away

When Donatello lands in Nick-shaped peril, Dean tries to call Sam. ONCE. And it gets an...out-of-proportion reaction from Dean.

(It's also...a lot like John's voicemail in Phantom Traveler. "This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. He can help.")

He's prickly:

SAM: "You've reached Sam Winchester. If this is an emergency, call my brother."

DEAN: Sam's not answering his phone. This whole damn town's a dead zone.

That's...not exactly true, as least what we've see so far in the series? They make calls from the bunker a lot.

*coughs* This lends some credence to the fact that his prior stress (the stress that Jack and Mary were working together to help) is about his, uh, phone. Phone calls. Phone calls not being answered, even.

READ: This is about Cas. Who hasn't been answering his phone. And Dean? Dean rationalizes that maybe his calls aren't landing because of where he is.

///

There's some truth to Dean's woes/anxiety. When Cas leaves, bad things tend to happen. And hey, they happen when Cas is there too, sure, but with Cas there, Dean can't help but feel more resilient, more equipped to take on whatever-it-is.

///

But yeah, it's looking like Dean and Cas maybe already had a little, reserved/restrained fight prior to Jack killing Mary. Dean was acting...really weird. Forced.

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

Miami Vice S1E18: The Maze

Tubbs is sent undercover to save hostages in an abandoned hotel.

This is absolutely one of those Vice episodes where you are given two versions of the truth and are asked to be discerning enough to realize which one is real. Vice likes doing this a lot with music-- you see something happening on screen that's contradicted by lyrics or musical tone, and you have to figure out if what you're seeing is the lie or whether it's what you're hearing. In The Maze, we are presented with a spoken truth (some people aren't "good enough" to be cops, the world is hard and dangerous, a kid with a gun can't be thought of as a kid ever again) and a witnessed truth (a "bad cop" is suffers no consequences because he's a cop, people you think of as disposable or even frightening are worth protecting, a kid with a gun may be dangerous but that doesn't make him not a child) to striking, devastating effect. There's a distinct sense in this episode that our protagonists are playing proscribed black and white roles in a drama they're not quite ready to see shades of gray in yet-- later in the series their disenchantment with the justice system will come, but in this point in the series, they don't quite see what we, the audience see.

I started this one thinking "it's always weird seeing other cops outside of the main squad," and then one of them immediately died

Womp womp

The two "new" cops, Tim and Dickie, are talking about how they finally made some "real arrests," and how they usually can't get charges to stick because something-something-the-law, and that it's because of guys like them that the area they're in is starting to get "cleaned up"

Immediately Sonny and Rico correct them, very gently explaining the concept of community organizing, and pointing out that whatever "clean up" they've seen happen recently has nothing to do with the cops and everything to do with the people who live here deciding to stand up for themselves and invest in their neighborhoods

This is the thesis of the episode

From here on in it becomes a split between Tim's tough-on-crime view (what's said) and Sonny and Rico's maybe-heavier-policing-isn't-the-answer view (what's shown)

The dancing guy, Pepe, is played by a choreographer known by the real-world name of Shabba-Doo

Sonny pours water on him because Sonny is an asshole

There is a scene in which Switek offers Zito lunch while Zito tries to pick up a woman through the window of the bug van; both of them tell the other they're "pitching" and I. I have questions

Tim, the asshole cop whose partner got shot, suggests that the best way to catch the criminals that killed Dickie is to just go into a building full of squatters guns blazing, random innocents be damned

Sonny glares at him like he is a leopard and Tim is a plate of ground beef

They decide to, instead, send Tubbs undercover in to see if he can clear the squatters out and get them to safety before they go after the Escobars. In order to do this they dress Tubbs up as the world's most beautiful filthy transient. He looks like he should play Jesus in a modern version of Jesus Christ Superstar

It should be mentioned that the ~*scary dangerous building*~ the homeless people and the Escobars are in is a dilapidated hotel owned by a rich white guy who's on the phone about golf when we meet him, and it turns out the only thing really scary about it is that the people inside are living in terrible conditions because they are poor. In case, y'know, other parts of the episode weren't already clear enough on the whole "maybe the system is broken, actually" angle.

After Tubbs is in the hotel for approximately three and a half minutes, Tim charges across the street with his gun because it's "ridiculous" that this is "taking so long"

He completely ruins the operation and causes an immediate gunfight between the police and the Escobars to break out; Tubbs and the rest of the squatters are taken hostage as a result. Tim is not punished for this-- Castillo says that if he "didn't need every man," Tim would be sent home, but that's it.

Let's be very clear, this is a perfect example of why the whole "one bad apple ruins the whole bunch" thing is 100% true about the police

You get one Tim the Asshole on your squad and people fucking die

Actor Joe Morton, who I best know as Henry Deacon from Eureka, but who others may know better as the SkyNet Scientist from Terminator 2, plays hostage negotiator Jack Davis. He has a big ol' stick up his ass, but he's kind of hot anyway?

Sonny smokes like twelve cigarettes in the course of about 3 minutes, and then goes outside because he can't stand to look at Tim any longer. Castillo makes an attempt to comfort him in his extremely Castillo way (he's the one who says the Escobars, who are a bunch of teenagers, "stopped stopped being kids when they started using guns"), which does not seem to calm Sonny down much. He tells him the best thing he can do for Tubbs is "be cool," and then there's a lovely little match on Sonny's face and Rico's face, both looking off to the side, both looking worried.

The graffiti in this episode slays me

666 is COMIN

Why ME

Rico plays with the child hostages, and a teenage girl dances to the music playing inside her head. I genuinely feel like this is one of the saddest episodes of Vice-- we see the squalid conditions these people are forced to live in, they're humanized and made very real feeling, even if they don't have many lines, and you know that even if they all get out alive, nothing good is going to come of it, because they've been living illegally inside an unused building and the police will have to remove them, leaving them all completely homeless. There are multiple shots throughout the episode of the beach-- its crystal blue water, the sun, the pristine sand, palm trees-- through the broken windows of the collapsing hotel. The squatters are bereft in an ostensible paradise, completely disconnected from the glamorous world outside their crumbling walls.

Sonny suggests that they pinpoint the exact location of the hostages; Tim asks why they should bother when it was the hostages who "got them into this."

Yes Tim

Definitely not you, fuckwad

When Davis negotiates to let the small children hostages go, Jaime, one of the Escobars, argues with one of the older boys that "they're just kids," and that they should do as the police said and let them free. Jaime appears to be about fourteen.

Sonny insists he go in to find the hostages; Davis stands behind him shaking his head no at Castillo. Sonny goes in to find the hostages. He climbs over a fence and through a hole in the wall in his loafers and chinos.

When Sonny figures out where the hostages are located, they send in what appears to be the entire national guard of Florida. The Escobars, it should be noted, are five teenagers.

At the end of the episode, approximately twenty adult men with machine guns point their weapons at one teenage boy. He breaks down in tears and falls to the ground, because no matter what Castillo said, he is ultimately a frightened child.

The episode ends on a freeze frame of Sonny and Rico looking at each other, silent, with the darkening blue sky behind them.

[dothwrites]

for those of you who don't like metallica then i'm sorry but the s13 'nothing else matters' opening is STILL the best opening.

spn really said "welcome alcal, now be NEKKID on your first full episode"

and the way that dean can't even SAY what happened to cas. he tries and he can't get the words out because it's still TOO close. and you never see the difference between sam and dean in how they relate to cas and grief more than in the widower arc. sam is kinda bummed, but dean can't find which way is up. he's completely spinning out, meanwhile sam is... kinda bummed.

which is how they relate to grief. dean puts on a good show, but in the end, sam is the one who can compartmentalize a lot better. sam can put things aside to get what he considers the mission done. dean can't. his emotions are too powerful.

jack, my sweet baby nougat boy. i loved ye from the second i saw you in a funny little jacket. this poor small town sheriff and her stoner son are SO ill-equipped to deal with this.

the impala being the dirtiest that we've ever seen it... dean being the most grief-stricken we've ever seen him... i've connected the two dots.

poor jack... he's only been alive for like four hours and already the angels are torturing him. it's hard to be the antichrist nephilim.

and i do love that they had sam bond with jack over their shared heritage of "everyone believes that i'm going to grow up to become the devil and i don't wanna". it's something that sam doesn't get to do a lot of.

and the second that jack said "castiel is my father" we all fell in love with him and trusted him implicitly. well. at least i did.

and then dean's "anything?" and the angel realizing IMMEDIATELY what dean means... that he's searching for any way possible to bring cas back and he's desperate to do it... i am FERAL for the widower arc.

dean's insistence to believe that jack is evil for as long as cas is dead is... something. and dean never quite reconciled those feelings that he had at the very beginning, where he equated jack with the loss and horror of knowing that cas was gone. to dean, jack and that grief are always kind of the same thing, and he can't get over it.

dean's prayer. DEAN'S PRAYER. "we've lost EVERYTHING." and then his complete self destructive breakdown once he realizes that no one's listening. he's LOST and he doesn't know how to make any of it right.

thanks to the blooper reel i can never watch this horrifically emotional scene of dean preparing cas' body (his LOVER'S body) for the pyre and becoming so overcome with grief that he has to pause... i cannot watch that without thinking of the ball tap. fuck you jensen and misha.

jensen's ability to look absolutely DEVASTATED without shedding a tear. unparalleled.

[peanutbutterjelly-pie]

Stupid

Rating: Gen Word Count: 4k

Since he forgot his phone at work Dean borrows Charlie's cell to send Cas a quick message. What follows turns his world upside down. (In which Cas thinks he's talking with Charlie and reveals way more about his true feelings than Dean is able to handle.)

[ao3]

Dean loves Fridays.

For one, his work day already ends around 2 PM. Granted, Dean adores his job and actually walks into his office with a big smile on his face most of the time. Which is kinda ironic since he's never in his wildest dream would've ever pictured himself using his engineering degree to design new airplanes and enjoying every second of it, not with him still being fiercely against flying as a concept in on itself and not keen at all on putting any of his designs to the test for real (FUCK NO!!). It's quite a running joke in the office, of course, and Dean laughs along to his colleagues teasing him about it, but at the same time he's dead serious about it.

So yes, creating new and improved airplanes? Dean is so down for this. Flying those things afterwards? NO WAY IN FREAKING HELL!!!

Either way, his Fridays at work are short and instead of heading back home into his cozy, little apartment he always throws himself into his beloved Impala and drives into the complete opposite direction.

To Charlie's place.

They had met in college about ten years ago and more or less bonded right away over their love for Star Trek. Soon enough they had found even more things in common and before Dean even knew it he traveled to LARP events, called himself Charlie's handmaiden, and started to see her as the sister he never really wanted, but somehow didn't mind having anyway.

Them meeting up every Friday for video games and movie marathons is a thing that began basically since Dean's been working at his current job straight out of college.

Dean's always eager to make time for friends and family, even with a full-time job, so he made this a tradition and refused to budge on the matter. Thankfully Charlie has been equally enthusiastic and as a freelancer who earns a shit ton of money by helping companies with their IT stuff or whatever (Dean is still not really sure what she even does), she is able to fill her schedule the way she likes it.

She has been keeping her Fridays free ever since.

Today is not any different.

Dean drove straight to her after work and has been at her place ever since. They've been watching a couple of episodes of Firefly while eating unhealthy snacks before switching over to video games. Dean hadn't had any consoles growing up, so it took him a while to get the hang of it when Charlie introduced him to it, but eventually he became quite good. At least good enough to beat Charlie's ass from time to time.

It's easy fun with lots of interactions and yelling and whooping and both Dean and Charlie have a tendency to completely forget the outside world when they're sucked into a specific game.

This time they're both so engrossed with chasing their Super Mario characters over some rainbow bridges in their colorful race cars that the hours pass by unnoticed.

When Dean eventually, after a devastating loss which makes him groan unattractively, glimpses at the surprisingly analog clock at the wall he ends up flinching in surprise at the lateness of the evening.

“Shit!” he exclaims, looking at the small hand already having passed the seven. “Why is it so late already?”

Charlie looks up as well and seems equally astonished by the passage of time. “Huh, I didn't notice.”

Dean grumbles and quickly leans back to fish his phone out of his pocket – only to discover that there is nothing to be found.

He blinks in confusion for a few seconds before realization hits him and he moans once again. “Oh fuck, I left my phone in the office!”

He recalls vividly how it had been lying on his table and he urged himself over and over to pack it before leaving. He basically had been reaching for it already. And then one of the other engineers showed up with an important issue and Dean found himself so distracted by it all that anything else slipped his mind. By the end of it he was so eager to call it a day and rush over to Charlie's place that he just grabbed his jacket and headed out of there before anyone else might have intercepted him with yet another problem.

“Sucks to be you,” Charlie chuckles while Dean merely rolls his eyes and wonders whether he should ride back to the office for his phone either today or at least tomorrow by the latest or whether he should just leave it there for the whole weekend.

Either way, that doesn't change the fact right now that it's entirely too late already.

“I need to call Cas,” Dean says, gritting his teeth.

Because see, this is yet another reason why he loves Fridays so much: Cas.

Best friends since Dean moved with his family into the house across from Cas' about twenty years ago they always made sure to stay in each other's lives. Granted, from the outside they look like they have nothing much in common and if Dean is being honest with himself he's not sure they would've even been on one another's' radars at all if it wouldn't have been for that one boring summer when Dean had been new in town at fourteen years old and didn't know a soul around and eventually found himself fixating on the blue-eyed neighbor since there was literally nobody else his age around to hang out with.

And yeah, Dean questioned his choice the first few weeks, Cas so odd and awkward and like no one Dean has ever met before, he certainly had no clue how to deal with that. But somehow Cas wormed himself into Dean's heart with his dorky weirdness and in the grand scheme of things Dean couldn't be happier about it.

So they stayed close, even when they eventually went to different colleges so far away from each other that they merely managed to see one another once or twice a year. In the end, though, they both came back into their hometowns and settled down there, Dean with his engineering job and neat loft apartment and Cas with his teaching position at the local university and him inheriting his old childhood home after his parents decided to move into a warmer climate.

Dean had been over the moon seeing them both back at the same location and he was determined from the start to meet up as often as possible, despite their time-demanding jobs. So of course after Fridays became a thing with Charlie, Dean couldn't help but incorporate Cas into that as well. Because why not make that day absolutely perfect, right?

And since his mom always invites her sons to brunch Saturday mornings and Cas technically lives right across from her, it became a tradition for Dean to crash at Cas' place and then on the next day go to his mom's, usually with Cas in tow because at this point in her life Mary considers him her third kid anyway.

So yeah, it's a date every single Friday for many years now.

And right now Dean is on the brink of being too late and the last thing he wants is for Cas to worry about his whereabouts.

“Can I borrow your phone?” Dean asks Charlie. “I need to call Cas.”

Charlie hands him her cell without a moment of hesitation and says, “Better send him a text. He might still be on his way back home.”

Right.

Contrary to Dean and Charlie, Cas always uses his Friday afternoons to catch up on his work. “To not be greeted by a mountain of paperwork first thing Monday morning, Dean,” Cas is never shy to explain.

Dean can't help a little smile as he hears Cas' voice in his head.

He catches himself at the last second, though, before his face might get too gooey or something, and he quickly opens Cas' number, vigorously ignoring his text chain with Charlie (which doesn't seem overly excessive anyway because for some unfathomable reason those two actually enjoy talking to each other on the phone, like a pair of old people), and hurries to type his message.

< hey how's it hanging?

And then Dean accidentally hits send.

He growls in frustration. “Charlie!” he complains. “Your phone is all wrong!”

Charlie huffs. “Only because you're a dinosaur and you're only used to your ancient phone doesn't mean mine has done anything wrong ever in its life. You just have to be a little bit more delicate.”

Dean rolls his eyes, eager to give her a piece of his mind, when suddenly the phone vibrates, indicating an incoming message. Looks like Cas is already home or at least at a safe location to text back immediately.

> I know why you're texting all of a sudden. And you don't have to bother, I won't change my feelings on the matter.

Dean just has time to wrinkle his forehead in confusion when another text arrives.

> Dean doesn't need to know.

Dean's eyes widen, for a moment too stunned to do anything.

And then he instantly finds himself torn.

It's obvious Cas thinks he's talking with Charlie (and why shouldn't he? It's Charlie's number after all) and Dean should hurry to explain the situation and stop Cas before anything else might happen.

He seriously should.

But then he ends up thinking back on Cas' behavior recently. For the last few weeks he has been downright weird whenever Dean was around (weirder than usual, that is) and Dean has been wrecking his brain for a while now what the hell might have happened that made their dynamic shift in such a way. It's not glaringly obvious or anything, at least nobody from the outside has commented on it so far, but Dean certainly noticed Cas keeping his distance.

Dean has no idea whether he did something wrong or whether something just came up and he is taking the brunt of it and he has been dying to find out ever since.

And now it's apparently offered to him on a silver platter.

Still, Dean really should do the right thing …

He seriously should.

But before his conscience is able to catch up with him his fingers already start typing.

< what do u mean?

And he leaves it with that.

Dean squeezes his eyes shut, hating himself a little bit. Who even does this to a friend in the first place?

Damn.

Yeah, no, he needs to clear up the situation right here and now –

That is when another text arrives and Dean is too weak not to look at it.

> Don't play cute with me, Charlie. I have told you before, Dean doesn't need to know about my feelings for him. Things are good between us, I don't want to ruin that.

Dean blinks.

And blinks some more.

Wait, what?

WHAT?

Dean's heart stops for a couple of seconds, picks up one hell of a pace after that, only to pump the brakes yet again so hard he gets actually dizzy from it.

Because Cas … he can't mean what Dean thinks he means, right?

RIGHT?

Dean feels himself freaking out, his breathing becoming labored as his heart continues to go crazy within his chest. For a long moment up is down and down is up.

Only when Charlie nudges his shoulder, seemingly worried by the expression on Dean's features, Dean gets jolted back into reality. He startles at first, feeling like a newborn deer trying to make sense of the new environment, before he manages to catch himself somehow.

And he doesn't wait around to shove the phone right into Charlie's face and exclaim, “What the hell is that?”

Charlie is, of course, highly confused by Dean's question and just frowns at him.

So Dean grits his teeth and gestures at the text conversation with Cas, urging her to read it. Which she dutifully does the next second.

And then her eyes widen as she mutters underneath her breath, “Shit.”

Dean huffs. “What the fuck is he talking about, Charlie?”

He doesn't expect a straight answer right away.

Damn, he doesn't even expect any kind of answer at all.

So he leans back and watches as Charlie starts to splutter and flail her arms around in every single direction and make the most unintelligible noises not even the most experienced linguist would have been able to decipher. She is clearly caught off guard in the most major manner and can't for the hell of it find a graceful way out of it. At least not quick enough to not be absolutely pathetic.

“Charlie,” Dean eventually cuts into her incoherent rambling, not in the mood to be witness to this for the rest of the night. “Just get a grip and tell me the truth!”

Charlie shakes her head and nods at the same time. So fiercely, in fact, that Dean for a moment gets actually worried that her neck would break in half by the sheer force of it.

“It's – um, it's nothing, man,” she says in the end, way over the top. “Just … uuuuuhhhhh, just some inside joke Cas and I have …”

Dean rolls his eyes at that. “Right,” he replies, the opposite of convinced. “So when Cas says he's got feelings for me …”

Charlie makes a noise that is probably supposed to be a dismissive snort. “Just – y'know – I mean – it's just …” Her gaze flickers anywhere but near Dean. “I mean, um … everyone has feelings about everyone, right? … I mean, I totally have all the platonic feelings for you, for example, you know? …”

Dean arches his brows skeptically. “So you're saying Cas has platonic feelings for me?”

Charlie perks up at those words. “Yes!” she agrees, far too enthusiastically for it to be convincing in the least. “Yes, that's what I'm saying!”

Dean scoffs. “And why would he make a big state secret out of it?”

Charlie pulls a face. “I mean, you know how he is … he is weird sometimes …”

Dean groans before pushing himself to his feet, not eager to listen to any more of her excuses. “I've gotta go talk to Cas!”

He hears Charlie voice some sort of protest, but Dean just grabs his jacket and is out of the door before she's able to stop him.

---

It takes about fifteen minutes to get to Cas' place.

And Dean's head is spinning so hard the whole drive there he is actually surprised that he doesn't end up in a ditch somewhere.

But what is he supposed to think after that text message?

Yeah, Dean highly doubts Cas would be so cagey about platonic feelings of all things, but at the same time Dean can't allow himself to imagine the alternative.

Because that would break him.

Because Cas actually admitting to having Feelings for Dean, the capital letter kind, sounds like so fucking much.

After all it would mean …

It would mean that Dean has been pining in secret for ages even though his feelings haven been reciprocated the whole freaking time?

Yeah, Dean can't even remember anymore when it started. It's probably been a gradual process that began a long time ago. Dean dated people and it was always okay, you know, but it wasn't it. It never felt like all those love songs made him believe it would be. At some point he even assumed that it just was something that didn't really exist. That people merely found other people they were compatible with and that was all the magic out there.

It only made sense all of a sudden when he admitted to himself about a year ago that he was head-over-heels for Cas.

There was no specific event or anything, but around that time it had been half an eternity that Dean had so much as a date with another person because nobody seemed to light even the tiniest spark within him. It only had gotten harder and harder, so eventually Dean just stopped looking.

And then he was sitting on the couch with Cas and Cas was arguing with the History Channel about something and Dean just watched him with a besotted smile on his face and thought, I want this for the rest of my life.

What followed was many weeks and months of doubt and uncertainty, but when he ultimately took the final step and was honest with himself it was suddenly easy enough to see that Cas has been it for a very long while for Dean.

But at the same time Dean was afraid to say something. Cas has never been much for dating and romance and his best friend out of the blue confessing his love might have freaked him out big time. Dean always pictured Cas withdrawing more and more until one day they wouldn't have been in each other's lives anymore.

And that – that would have been absolutely devastating.

So Dean kept his mouth shut and instead enjoyed all the things they had. While pushing thoughts of maybe scooting a bit closer and holding Cas' hand or even kissing him out of his mind.

Dean learned to live with it.

But now?

If this is really true …

If Cas feels the same way and he's just been as scared to ruin their friendship as Dean was …

Dean isn't sure he knows how to handle the possibility.

---

Dean senses both dread and elation when he parks Baby on his usual spot right behind Cas' ugly pimp mobile and he takes a minute or two of deeply inhaling and exhaling before he's got the courage to step outside and walk up to the front door.

Where Cas apparently has already been waiting as he swings the door open as Dean is just lifting his arm to knock.

As always he is stupidly gorgeous, with his piercing blue eyes, his unruly hair, and his comfy sweatpants which have become a staple for their Friday nights together.

Next to all that, however, Cas also looks mad as hell.

“How dare you pretend to be someone else to lure information out of me?” he growls so deeply a shiver runs down Dean's spine and it's only partially out of fear. “What were you even thinking?”

Looks like Charlie didn't wait around to call Cas and give him a heads-up about the situation.

Figures.

Dean just scoffs into Cas' face and pushes past him into the house. Cas makes a disgruntled noise at his friend's behavior, but closes the door behind them, obviously not eager for the whole neighborhood to be witness to this.

“You have no right to be pissed at me!” Dean hisses back the second the door is shut and sealed.

Cas seems far from impressed when faced with such logic. “You are the one who betrayed my trust!”

“I didn't betray anything!” Dean is quick to make himself clear. “I just forgot my phone at the office and borrowed Charlie's to tell you I'd be late. And 'coz I'm not used to her super modern thingy I accidentally sent you a text before I could say it's me. Easy as that.”

Cas raises his brows. “You could have clarified yourself simple enough the second time.”

Dean chews on his bottom lip, his emotions spilling all over the place as he tries to stare Cas down and at the same time not get lost in his eyes. Because he has a tendency to do just that. Since basically forever.

“I could have,” Dean concedes since Cas did make a good point. “But I didn't.”

“So why –?”

“'Coz you've been weird lately,” Dean cuts in harshly. “You've been fucking avoiding me and that's certainly a skill considering we were always in the same room for that. You don't sit with me on the couch anymore, you flinch whenever I touch you …” Dean sighs. “Fuck, I was wondering the whole time what I did wrong.”

“You did nothing wrong,” Cas is quick to come to his defense. Only to add a moment later, “Well, apart from right now where you pretended to be Charlie –”

Dean waves him off. “Yeah, so? I was desperate for some info, sue me.”

“I don't think suing you over this would have much standing in court –”

“Oh jeez, man!” Dean interrupts once more. “See, you're doing it again. Avoiding the subject of us while being in the same room. Can you really blame me for grasping at straws at this point?”

Cas falls silent after that, Dean's question clearly hitting a nerve.

“I'm just …” Dean shakes his head in exasperation. “I just wanted some friggin' answers, that's all.”

Cas pinches his face as he slowly studies Dean and takes his time wrapping his head around the whole mess.

In the end he just straightens his back and says, “Fine.”

Dean assesses the guy warily. “Fine?”

“Yes, fine,” Cas states. Without looking anywhere but Dean's eyes. “Let's forget about it and watch one of your cowboy movies –”

Dean's blood starts to boil again.

“I don't wanna watch a cowboy movie!” he snaps, barely believing such words are actually leaving his mouth. “I wanna talk about this!”

Cas looks at him as though he seriously considers that Dean has been swapped by a clone.

“You?” he asks incredulously. “Want to talk?”

Dean rolls his eyes extra hard. “I talk about stuff,” he grumbles. “Only because I choose when and where doesn't mean I'm a repressed idiot –”

“I didn't say that!” Cas leaps in to make himself clear. “I would never say that.”

Dean knows that Cas never would.

And that's one of many reasons why he is one of Dean's favorite persons on the whole planet.

“I'm just …” Dean sighs, suddenly feeling so vulnerable and raw he has no clue what to do with it. “What does feelings mean, Cas?”

Cas' mouth snaps shut immediately.

It's obvious he's not keen on pouring out his soul just yet.

Dean rubs the palm of his hand. over his mouth. “Dude, if you're seriously worried that what you're going to say might ruin anything, it won't!”

Cas shoots him a disbelieving glance, not buying it at all.

“I'm serious!” Dean insists. “Nothing can ruin our friendship!”

Cas lets out a hollow laugh and it actually sounds so awful that Dean wants to grab it out of thin air and punch it in the face.

“Of course,” Cas says sarcastically. “What if I told you I'm a serial killer who has murdered twenty-seven people?”

Dean squints his eyes.

“That's an oddly specific number,” he can't help but point out. “But yeah, I'd help you bury the freaking bodies.”

Cas shakes his head. “Dean …”

“I would,” Dean insists. “I mean, yeah, sure, I probably also would put you under strict house arrest and get you the best shrink in town, but I also would be your alibi 'coz this is what friends do.”

Cas grimaces. “I don't think covering up murders is –”

“Okay, forget it!” Dean cuts in, not in the mood to drag this example along any further. “I'm just saying, you're my best friend and nothing can change that, okay?”

Cas' features soften at that.

He looks at Dean, really looks at him, what feels like the first time in forever, and there are suddenly so many emotions displayed on his face Dean has never spotted before. They seem meaningful and heavy and Dean's heart picks up its pace again at the sight of it.

Is this really it?

“Cas,” Dean whispers, his expression right now most likely equal to Cas'. “What does feelings mean?”

Cas sighs.

Shakes his head.

And then he breathes, “It means I'm stupid …”

The way he's saying it, the manner his voice trembles … this is so much more than meets the eye.

And Dean can't have him believe for even a second longer that he is the only one standing in the corner.

So he shoots back, “Well, then I'm stupid too.”

Cas frowns at first, clearly not able to comprehend it properly.

But then their eyes meet again and Dean tries to broadcast it all out there, tries to make Cas see, dammit.

Cas gasps just a moment later.

Looks like he's getting it.

“Dean …” he mutters.

And Dean could give a grand speech about how he's crazy for this dork and probably always has been, but somehow his throat feels way too tight all of sudden and he highly doubts he will get any coherent sentences out of there.

So he does the next best thing because at the end of the day Dean has always been better with actions instead of words anyway.

He grabs Cas by his shirt and yanks him impossibly close.

Their chests collide and Cas' eyes are wide and shocked and hopeful all at once as their faces find themselves mere inches apart. Dean's attention immediately flickers to those plush lips he's been fantasizing about for far too long and everything inside of him urges him to go for it, but he waits nonetheless, waits patiently for a sign from Cas that this is okay, that this is what he wants too …

Cas leans in the very next second and Dean stops thinking.

When their lips meet Dean feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

The kiss starts sweet and innocent, some light pressure and nothing more, but then Cas wraps his arms around Dean's torso and aligns their bodies even more and Dean makes a pathetic little noise in the back of his throat before deepening the kiss. He gets lightheaded very fast and only Cas holding him so tightly keeps his knees from buckling in the most embarrassing manner.

Dean never thought it would feel like this. He originally assumed that it would be a bit weird to kiss someone he had known for such a long time. That it would be awkward all around and they would have to get used to the sensation at first before being able to enjoy it thoroughly.

Boy, he's never been more wrong in his life.

Dean is all warm and fuzzy and when the kiss turns even more passionate a moment later his body temperature rises right along with it. Dean moans as hands are roaming over bodies, Cas getting lost in Dean's hair while Dean can't get enough of the guy's ridiculously sharp hipbones, and soon enough Cas is pressed against the wall and Dean is only seconds away from taking things even further.

They've waited long enough after all.

But just as Dean is pushing his fingers underneath Cas' shirt, Cas slows down and eventually breaks to kiss. He draws back a little to gaze right into Dean's eyes and he looks so debauched and wrecked it takes Dean's breath away.

And then Cas whispers, “In case it wasn't clear earlier, I love you,” and Dean's breath is taken away from him in a completely different, yet no less powerful manner.

He feels himself melting into Cas until he buries his face into the guy's neck. It's warm and it smells really nice and Dean can't help smiling into Cas' skin.

“I love you too,” he rasps back. “I've been crazy about you since forever.”

Cas sighs as he lifts his arm to card his fingers through Dean's hair again. “Me too. I never dared to acknowledge it, though. I feared too much that things would change in a way I wouldn't be able to bear.” He drops a light kiss against Dean's temple. “But then Charlie found out about it and she has been pestering me for weeks to tell you and it got me all riled up …”

No wonder Cas has been behaving so oddly recently. He clearly had no idea what to do.

Dean actually shares the sentiment. He's pretty sure he wouldn't have acted any differently if their roles would have been reversed.

“Well,” Dean whispers, “I guess it all worked out in the end.”

“Because you forgot your phone at the office.”

Dean grins. “I'm sure we would've figured it out eventually. But yeah, me being a forgetful idiot sure helped.”

Cas just hums before he pulls Dean deeper into his embrace and Dean can't help but think that this might very well be the best moment of his entire life, hands down.

---

The next day when they both walk over to Dean's mom for their weekly Saturday brunch Dean introduces Cas as his boyfriend to his whole family and he manages to only blush a little as he does so.

Nobody seems surprised about their new relationship status in the slightest.

And two years later, when they exchange their wedding vows, Cas stares deeply into Dean's soul and says tearfully, “I'm stupid,” and of course Dean has to answer that with a wobbly, “I'm stupid too,” and Sam yells from somewhere in the background, “You're both stupid alright!”

It's perfect.

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + bird secondary (badger model?)

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, I’m excited to get back into it!

I thought I’d start with a little bit of backstory: my father is a double badger, and my mother is a snake badger with a bird secondary model. Therefore, I think it is fair to say that family and community have always been important in my family. I, too, tend to want to help people whenever I can, feeling the most useful when I can be helpful towards others. However, I want to help people, not entire groups. Even in my friend group, it is more about my personal link with each of my friends than with the group as a whole.

Even when I was a kid, I didn’t really care about the “class” or the big group, I only wanted to have a few friends. As long as I had one friend in my class, I didn’t care who else was in it. 

Well, so far so Snake. Are you worried about getting a false positive because your parents also have Loyalist primaries? 

As a kid, my biggest fantasy was that my best friend and I would stay friends forever. We would move into an apartment together when we’d be older, and our boyfriends would also be friends so we could hang out together all the time.

I also remember how completely devastated and betrayed I felt when that same best friend moved away a town away just before high school. She had to change schools and she made new friends. She became closer to them, and I felt her distancing herself slowly from me. I tried everything I could to keep the friendship going: I sent her emails or text messages almost every day and was constantly asking her if she was available to hang out with me. Looking back, I knew she had moved on already with her new friends, and she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I just couldn’t accept it back then. Until she stopped talking to me and was only answering my messages when she thought I had something important to tell her. It was the ultimate betrayal to me. I stopped trying to contact her, and I realized that she made no efforts to contact me, even if had been a while she hadn’t heard from me. I never talked to her again, and I’ve never looked back.

Loyalty has always been THE most important thing to me. My biggest fear is being abandoned by the people that I love and care about. 

So far, this all absolutely sounds like a young Snake. The one friend, and not being able to understand that your friend doesn’t have the same kind of pinpoint-loyalty-as-morality than you do. 

Consequently, I am deeply scared of hurting or disappointing them. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt or disappoint someone that I love and care about. 

Hmmm. Talking about fear as a motivator is usually a sign of some burning somewhere. I’ll keep an eye on that. 

Also, I do have a way to “classify” people (family, friends, best friends, acquaintances, etc.), and those who I don’t consider being a part of my inner circle don’t really matter to me. I will be nice and kind to them, but I don’t really care about them. And that extends to family members as well. There are some people in my family that I wouldn’t mind never seeing again, because I just don’t like them. I am nice when I do see them because I know they matter to my father (who is part of my inner circle). I also wouldn’t wish anything bad upon them, and if something bad would happen to them, I would empathize with them and feel bad for them, but not to the point of caring and wanting to help. 

The classic Snake “inner circle” model. So far you’ve been kind of word-perfect describing textbook Snake. I’m wondering where the disconnect is for you. 

My father, on the other hand, really cares about them no matter how mean to us they can be, which I just can’t wrap my head around.

Well, you did say he was a Double Badger. 

I also tend to drop everything when someone I care about needs me. I remember not too long ago, I had plans to spend the evening with my boyfriend, but my friend called me. She asked me if I could stay the night at her place, since she was alone and she was going through a rough time. I was really conflicted about seeing her the next day instead or cancelling my plans with my boyfriend to go spend the night with her to make sure she was okay. They were both people who I consider to be part of my inner circle, and I didn’t want to upset any of them. But what really made me tip for cancelling my plans with my boyfriend is the fact that we could always reschedule and have a great time the next day. But my friend needed me right now. I will always do everything in my power to help someone I care about.

Even if my parents are both people-oriented, they have always insisted about the importance of academic success. They wanted me to be studious, to get good grades and to work hard…which I did. Even now that I’m in university, I still study as much as I can and sometimes even spend nights cramming for an assignment or an exam. I like feeling that my work is appreciated, both academically and professionally. But I don’t like doing the work. I’m a great procrastinator, and a fervent believer of “work smarter, not harder”. I like when I can find a short-cut to a task.]

Well, that sounds like a pretty textbook Bird secondary.  

I also have a problem with rules that don’t make sense to me. 

I would hope so! :) 

I need to understand the reasoning behind the rule before I can follow it. Otherwise, I will continue to do it my way, because at least it makes sense to me. If I get caught rule-breaking, I will explain my reasoning and keep my ground until I receive an explanation for said rule. 

That’s also very bird flavored. That’s not social-engineering your way around the problem *or* just trying to stubborn it out. That’s the Bird secondary ‘I just need to explain it in exactly the right way, then they’ll get it. 

But I never do it in a confrontational manner because I hate confrontations. I also hate lying. I’ll do it when necessary, but as a last resort only.

My guess is that you’re probably more comfortable in single-player Bird when it comes to problem solving. 

I do know that I am a planner. I enjoy sitting down and planning my day or my week, making to-do lists and spreadsheets to help me organize all the important stuff. I also tend to make plan Bs and plan Cs, and sometime even plan Ds for situations, just to make sure that I know what to do if something goes wrong. And I do become anxious and panic when my plans fail, before I can focus again on what knowledge, tools, and skills I have at my disposition to make a new plan. I hate situations where you have to improvise everything: it makes me deeply uncomfortable. I need guidelines to at least have a general idea of where I’m going.

Just, couldn’t be more Bird secondary sounding if you tried. 

In my friend group, I’m the one who will always make sure we have everything we need before leaving for an activity or a trip. I make a list of everything we need, and I check it as we pack. I’m also the one who will have a bunch of stuff in my bag, just in case my friend would need a plaster or some lipstick.

You’re like Batman. Always prepared. 

I like to remember little details about my loved ones (favorite song, favorite movie, favorite tv show, favorite meal, etc.) and use those to make personalized gifts or to plan surprises for them.

Bird secondaries love their data, and Snake primaries like doing special things for their people. You sound lovely. 

I do act differently depending on the situation or the people I am with, but I don’t see this as “acting” or wearing a mask, because none of it is fake. It is just different sides of me. For example, I’ll act differently at work than when I’m with my family or my friends, but it is still always me, no pretending involved. I also like to match other people’s energy, as long as it fits with who I am.

This is interesting, because just this bit is sounding a lot more Badger. You’ve clearly read a lot of my stuff, and are using the sort of language I like to use while writing my sortings (which honestly a point for Bird.) A Bird’s personas are all absolutely sides of themself - the main difference is that because they don’t shift between them as often as a Snake or Badger does. A Badger or Snake will shift multiple times in a conversation, this is usually what they mean by ‘matching energy.’ A Bird is also more likely to match a face to the situation, not the person - so when you say you have ‘a face for work,’ that is what I think of.

Sometimes Birds will feel themselves “suck” in one face or another. and that feels unpleasant, because their people aren’t seeing the whole, just seeing a part. It doesn’t seem like you’ve ever experienced that, but that is a Bird thing. So what do you think? Does the way an Actor Bird wears personas sound like you, or do you maybe model Badger secondary? 

When I have to make a tough decision, I will focus first on what I want and need, but I will also consult with people that are close to me (again with that notion of inner circle), just to make sure that my decision won’t impact them negatively. 

Sounds like a Snake primary to me. 

However, when I have a problem to solve, I will rely on my own skills and knowledge to find a solution. If I know someone who has a skill or a particular knowledge that could help me

“I know a guy” Bird.

I might ask for their help, but it is not guaranteed, as I might still prefer to find a solution on my own. I find it hard to ask for help. I like to look at the bigger picture, and make sure I have enough information before doing anything.

I am a very curious person, with various interests. I love researching and learning more about those interests. I also like to learn new things, but not necessarily with the intent of using them eventually. I don’t need a reason to learn or read about something, other than being curious about it. I tend to memorize random facts about stuff that interest me even if I’ll never use them again, just for the fun of it.

Sounds like your classic Collection Bird. 

I want to thank you for taking the time to read and to analyze this. Hopefully It wasn’t too boring or confusing! I absolutely enjoy reading your posts and I love the consideration you put into each sorting.

I thought yours was very well organized, and pretty darn straightforward. 

[nrowesims]

Yeah, so, September came and Natasha began university. She got a student loan, a small scholarship and enrolled in the economics program. Then one morning on her way back from her early shift as a barista, Natasha collapsed.

Ryan was devastated.

He went through the motions in his new job as a dishwasher. Played a little ball, alone. Though his heart wasn't really in it. He felt empty inside without his Tasha.

As people sometimes do, he turned to drink. He'd sit at the bar, his face like a storm cloud and barely tasting what was put in front of him.

It was here, at the hangout made of old shipping containers, that his friend Grace found him. She was shocked at the news.

They sat and they talked. Grace asked probing questions about Ryan's past. He was so sunk in the grief of the present that he only numbly and half-consciously answered. Ryan didn't know his mother, or her family. Some of the questions Grace asked were really odd. Childhood memories, reactions to everyday phenomena, his favourite foods. As the conversation progressed, Grace seemed to become more and more animated. She smiled broadly.

Two nights later, Ryan received a text from Grace.

Meet me at the old quarry building at 11. Don't be late.

How bizarre! Well, Ryan made the rendezvous at the appointed time.

Next thing Ryan knew, Grace was leading him through an archway which shimmered very peculiarly. They stepped out together into a nightscape with a completely different quality of light than that they had just left. The air even smelled changed.

Before Ryan could ask what was going on, or where they were Grace pulled something from the pocket in her skirt. She backed up purposefully, made some nonsensical exclamation and there was a fantastic burst of light. Ryan was knocked completely over. Had Grace attacked him?!

In short, Grace explained that they had crossed into a magical realm. One which few people knew about and even fewer had seen. Ryan had the unmistakable attributes of magic and Grace had just "kick started" his abilities, as it were. With a little training, he would be able to do many things, not the least of which was talk again with the spirit of his beloved Natasha.

She introduced him to the rather enigmatic Morgyn. A sage old in years though young in looks. Morgyn heard Ryan's story of loss and agreed to train him.

Ryan was sent to what was the retail district of this strange place. At first he thought the shop was manned by a ghost! However, he was told (in mildly disgusted tones) that the proprietor was an astral projection, thank you very much.

The snippy shopkeeper supplied Ryan with a broomstick and a wand (could this get any weirder?) made of what seemed to be bone.

As Ryan woke in his darkened bedroom, he was almost certain the whole thing had been a very peculiar, if vivid, dream. Feeling something hard under his pillow, Ryans hand caressed the long smooth surface of the bone wand!

Game Mechanics:

Natasha died of cardic explosion (from her high maintenance trait). Ryan was specifically created in CAS as a spellcaster but had never used any magic. Upon socializing with Grace, she autonomously invited him to a duel (where she promptly knocked him on his rear end of course).

[follows-the-bees]

S12 Destiel is everything.

Dean's voice becoming high pitched and him running to Cas' room when Sam and he come up with a solution, then the look of devastation when Dean realizes Cas is gone. Right after he gives him the mixtape and tells him that they are better together; it's a gift, you keep those.

Throwing Cas Baby's keys without question, fixing Cas' stupid truck instead of stealing a car, explaining to Sam that he understands why Cas is doing what Cas is doing. Not truly mad, just worried. And fixing the truck cause it's Cas'. And he knows he's gonna get Cas back and when he does, Cas will need that stupid truck.

Almost in tears as Cas lays dying on the floor, declaring his love for him, all of them. Refusing to leave even when they are in danger. Helping Cas up and running his hand down his back twice while lingering holding his hand, offering comfort to Cas and reassuring himself that Cas is alive. Eyes fully on Cas the whole time, even as he walks away.

Not using the banishing sigil in case it hurts an already hurt Cas. Yelling that Cas is family and Lily better not hurt him before racing fully back to save Cas, leaving Sam with the "enemy." Being Cas' human weakness. Offering Cas physical comfort once again. Being mad at Cas and just fighting in the car but as soon as someone insults Cas, immediately defends his angel.

Proud of introducing Castiel, his angel, to his mother. And then proud again as Cas headbutts a man. Not only not denying a reunion hug between them, but putting his arms out before Cas fully envelopes him, letting him put his arms higher up in the hug - something he rarely does because usually when Dean hugs people, it's to comfort them. But he knows Cas needs the hug, so he lets him lead - and let's face it - he loved being in his angels arms completely.

Letting Sam drive and sitting in the backseat with Cas. One of the only times we ever see Dean in the backseat. And when the time comes when Dean knows he is going to die, he looks over at Cas, devastated cause he didn't think he'd see him again and he won't after this. Knowing he is going to have to say goodbye to Cas in person, and that Cas won't accept it, because Cas is the only one besides Sammy who can get down to Dean's core.

When Dean loses his memory, he clings on to the people in his life. His mother, his brother, and his best friend. Those are the people that matter. He sees a bloody handprint on a tree and instantly remembers his best friend, the angel. And thinks it's so neat.

Getting mad at Cas all season but not actually being mad. Just hurt and worried cause he knows Cas. Knows Cas will sacrifice himself for Sam and Dean. And he doesn't want that. He wants Cas there with him. He wants them all together to work it out: because "you, me, Sam we're just better together."

Absolutely devastated as he sees Cas die in front of him. All his fears for the past year coming to fruition in front of his eyes. Not being able to talk, just kneeling in the burnt sand of his best friend's wings, next to his body. Looking up cause he can't believe it.

And yes, this was done from Dean's perspective because Dean loves him, Cas is his best friend. And all season he was just trying to tell Cas to stay, keep him close, keep him safe. That they work better together and to stop sacrificing himself for him. And in the end, what he feared the most happens. Cas dies, leaves him. "Everybody leaves you, Dean."