#castro pregnant men

[lostloveletters]

Bruised Fruit Chapter 1 (Michael Corleone x OC)

Summary: Gloria falls like overripe fruit from a wilting tree branch, and Michael Corleone intends to devour her amidst the rot and decay that's long since taken root in his family, intent on dooming her with him for a chance at another heir.

Note: I first posted this and two other chapters to AO3, which I'll link if you'd like to read ahead as I begin cross-posting to here.

Warnings: Canon divergence, sexually explicit content, infidelity, period typical attitudes, negative discussions of abortion, Catholicism, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) related to WWII, breeding kink, death, angst, emotional manipulation

Do not interact if you are under 18 or post thinspo/ED content. I will block you.

AO3 Link | Masterlist

"I’m going to Cuba," he told her in a quiet, postcoital moment.

"Are you secretly a Red, Michael?” she teased, her brown eyes sparkling in the golden glow of the lamps in the hotel room they occupied. “Getting in with the rebels before they storm Havana? They’ve already got Santa Clara.”

He rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face betrayed his amusement. "You and your newspapers. Do you seriously think Castro has a chance?"

She took a long drag on her cigarette, pondering her answer for a moment. "His people have nothing to lose."

"I’ll be fine."

"How long will you be gone?"

"A few weeks, maybe a month," he said, twisting a strand of her long black hair between his fingers, silent for a moment as to test the waters, "I’ll wire you."

"Wire your wife."

"Gloria—"

"I’m not saying that to be confrontational. She’s pregnant, focus on her,” she said, passing him the cigarette. “Where does she think you are tonight?”

“She knows I’m in Vegas, just not with you.”

She hummed, her fingers brushing the tender, bruised skin on her hips, a shade of lavender that would no doubt blossom into a plum monstrosity by the morning. For a man over a decade her senior, he was insatiable, devouring her with a ferocity as if she were ripe for the picking.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, his gaze following her fingertips.

She shook her head. “Are you staying over?”

“Yes. I have to head out early, though. Lots of people coming in for Anthony’s first communion.”

“Get some sleep then. Don’t let me keep you up.”

He grinned. “You always keep me up.”

“Bathroom’s that way. I’m tired,” she said jokingly, turning over to bury her face in her pillow.

“I’ll wire you when I get to Havana. A few days from now, probably. I have some things to take care of first.”

She mumbled something from her side of the bed, eyes closed while he continued on in Italian. He landed a playful swat on her ass. Yelping, she turned over, glaring at him.

“Rude,” she scolded, “you know I don’t understand Italian. What’d you say?”

He laughed softly, pushing some of her hair out of her face. “I love you.”

“That’s not what you said.”

“I called you lazy and insufferable.”

She smiled. “I love you too.”

“Good night, darling,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her lips.

“Night.”

When Gloria awoke the following morning, Michael was gone, though he’d left a note for her. With no reason to stick around, she returned to her apartment, the third one she has lived in since she moved to Las Vegas. It was more spacious than she needed, but Michael insisted, though he rarely visited her there. Their rendezvous were almost always in the hotel room at the casino that was exclusively reserved for him. Safer that way, a more public place with plenty of his men around. She wasn’t ashamed of their illicit relationship, but it made her feel exposed. As soon as they stepped into that elevator together, everyone knew what they were planning to do.

She sighed, sitting on the couch and running a hand through her hair. Her next shift wasn’t until the following evening, and she wasn’t sure what exactly to do with herself. Michael being in Havana was a test run of what was to come.

After Kay had the baby, she’d see less of Michael, busy being the doting husband, the proud father. Just as she didn’t receive an invitation to Anthony’s first communion, she wouldn’t be welcome at their new son’s baptism. She wasn’t sore about it. If she were Kay, she wouldn’t want her around the family either.

Her fear wasn’t that he wouldn’t return, but rather that he would, and she’d never work up the courage to build a life for herself without him. Moving to Vegas was her first attempt at that, but less than a year into the job, she was practically shoved into his hands, and he hadn’t let go since. 

She glanced at the box of newspaper clippings on the entryway desk, to most people, it was little more than evidence of an obsession with the Pacific Theater. Gloria had been young when the war broke out, not fully understanding the difference between the branches of the military, only that her brother wasn’t fighting in Europe, and she rarely heard from him. The newspapers she had poured over introduced her to places like Guadalcanal and Peleliu, small islands that she could barely see on a map, yet somehow Jackie and millions of other men were there. 

Then Life ran a special edition on war heroes, featuring Marines like her brother. A decade after its publication, when Fredo had requisitioned her to keep his brother company in the casino while he ran off to attend to some last minute business, she recognized Michael immediately, unable to stop herself from asking the former Captain about his service. When Jackie returned from the war, he had little to say about what he experienced in the Pacific. In fact, he had little to say about much of anything. Shell shock, they called it, aptly describing the shell of a man her formerly outgoing brother had become. Michael Corleone wasn’t a shell, enthralling her with the details of such places as Guadalcanal and Peleliu with the emotional distance of an observer rather than a participant. 

As their acquaintanceship escalated into an affair, she saw the scars for herself. Both the physical evidence of his being wounded in action, and the invisible ones that’d rear their ugly heads late at night when they’d begun sharing his hotel room. If not manifesting through bouts of insomnia, then through nightmares that left him dazed and agitated when she managed to wake him from them. 

Between the shell shock and his diabetes, she felt like she had to keep a close eye on him. Not only out of genuine concern, but a matter of personal pride. Just because he wasn’t her husband, it didn’t mean she couldn’t take care of him. God forbid he return to his wife in anything less than mint condition. It was the least Gloria could do.

He would be gone for some time, though, and as she always did during his longer trips, she grabbed her phone, making plans with friends to keep herself occupied. She had a life without him, secure in her independent lifestyle. If she were busy enough, she didn't think of him that often. 

Almost a week later, she received the telegram from Michael at work, nearly forgetting his promise to wire her from Cuba.

In Havana. Beautiful weather. Miss you.

She asked the front desk to wire him back.

Miss you too. Have fun. Stay safe.

She didn’t expect a response. There was nothing else to say.  

Gloria went about her business as usual, working and meeting friends for dinner and dancing when she could. Her style was undoubtedly cramped by the Corleone family associates who tailed her wherever she went. She wondered if it was humiliating for them to be the ones assigned to covertly babysit the Don’s mistress. After all, if the people behind the attack at his Lake Tahoe home truly wanted to cause her harm, there were ample opportunities to do so in Vegas.

Her bubble was small, safe, and secure despite living in the City of Sin. Her proximity to Michael almost always ensured that. In his absence, a mere phone call popped that bubble. 

“Hello? Is this Gloria Marino? This is Kay Corleone.”

“Kay?” she repeated incredulously.

“Can we talk?”

The two women had met just once in person. Michael briefly introduced them when giving his wife a tour of the casino shortly after the family had moved from New York to Nevada. It was the only time Kay had ever stepped foot in the place. Even then, Gloria was sure Kay was smart enough to size her up at first glance, knew she wasn't just another back-of-house employee.

“I figure I’d be the last person you’d wanna talk to.”

“You’d think, but after all this, I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t warn you. No one was there to warn me, or maybe I was too stubborn to care.”

Gloria hesitated. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know. Consider it my penance.”

“For what?”

“Michael’s going to divorce me when he gets back from his trip.”

“He would never do that.”

“He will.” The certainty in Kay’s voice was shocking, but she didn’t pry. Kay wasn’t telling her for a reason. Prior knowledge of whatever was being omitted would put her in danger with Michael. “He will, and he’s going to go to you afterward. He trusts you.”

“Kay, I don’t—“

“I did something very selfish and desperate, something I can never be forgiven for,” she said cryptically. “You’re going to bear the brunt of the aftermath. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Gloria whispered, unsure if things would really end up that way. 

“Goodbye, Gloria.”

“Bye, Kay.”

The line went dead, and she stared at the phone in her hand for a few moments. Michael would only divorce Kay if the baby were out of the picture, and the woman’s surety only confirmed that was the case. The aftermath. She could only hazard a guess as to what that meant. Nothing good if she needed to be forewarned.

Days later, when she heard about Kay’s miscarriage through the grapevine, it still didn’t exactly click. Not until there was a knock at the door at a little after one in the morning. She figured if she ignored it long enough, the culprit would get the message and go away, but the knocking was incessant.

Shuffling out of the bedroom, she turned on one of the lamps in her living room. She looked out the peephole, shocked to see Michael standing there, waiting impatiently for her.

“Gloria, open up!” he shouted, banging on the door again, causing her to flinch a little.

She took a deep breath, knowing it was a futile attempt to prepare herself for whatever she was about to get into. His expression unreadable when she opened the door, she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Michael, you’re back,” she said cheerfully enough. “How was the trip?”

He was silent as she ushered him inside. Turning on another lamp, she nearly froze at the state of him. Bags under his eyes, unkempt hair as if he’d been running his hands through it. 

“I warned you about those rebels,” she joked, only to receive a glare in return, his dark eyes almost black as they leered into hers. “Sorry, I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Okay,” he scoffed, a coldness laced in his voice that settled as an unfamiliar freeze in her veins. “You have no idea what I’ve been through these past few days.”

“I heard Kay miscarried. I’m—“

“It was an abortion,” he snapped. “She murdered our baby.”

Gloria’s eyes widened at the news. Her hand shook as she made a sign of the cross for his unborn son’s soul.

When Kay had called, she never expected the pious wife to commit a mortal sin, damning herself with no hope of reconciliation. Gloria knew other women who had gotten abortions, an inevitability when they weren’t careful enough with the carousel of carefree men that came through Las Vegas. It wasn’t something respectable women with husbands did. Being the wife of a crime lord was hardly respectable, though.

"He was a boy!" he shouted. His eyes were glassy, voice breaking in a rare display of vulnerability. "We were going to have a boy."

"I’m sorry."

"I can tell."

Exasperated, she asked, "What do you want me to do, Michael?"

"Marry me. I want you to marry me."

"No."

In the four or so years she’d been with Michael, she only experienced the lover, not the husband, a different beast entirely. Husbands meant expectations and ownership, something she was woefully unprepared for. 

"It wasn’t a question."

"Then I suppose you’re going to carry me off like the Arabian Nights? Drag me kicking and screaming to join your harem?”

“No harem. Just you.”

“Michael—“

“You’ll marry me. You’ll give me another son.”

Michael was the furthest from a holy man she could fathom, but the way his eyes blazed with a biblical ferocity, she believed for a moment that he could alter the will of God with the sheer magnitude of his desperation and humiliation. He wanted to send her into the depths of purgatory to retrieve the boy he was entitled to, the sacrificial lamb that freed his soon to be ex-wife from marital bondage. Forget that he already had a son, a young, healthy boy. It was the principle of the thing, a man of his influence and import being deceived by his otherwise unassuming wife, her dainty hand dealing the death blow. ‘It was an abortion.' Checkmate.

“Darling, you’re the only person I trust,” he implored softly, his hands cradling her face as he tried intentional gentleness over impulsive tyranny. “I love you.”

She wasn’t getting any younger. Most people considered her an old maid. Her mother sure did, sending letters that increasingly implored her to come home and settle down before it’s too late. Her best prospect was standing before her, a man who wasn’t one to be denied. Senators and executives bent to his will, whether a flexible reed or a rigid board, they all would bend. If not, they broke. He’d break her just to put the pieces back together in his image, a mosaic of desperate domesticity. 

Her time ran out. Perhaps wishful thinking, or naivety in hindsight, but she always expected Kay to grin and bear it. The expectations of Michael Corleone were her cross to take up. Seeing no better option than to give in, she kissed him, allowing the pads of his thumbs to dig into the peachy skin of her cheeks, deep enough that if they were fruit, the tender flesh would be pierced, juice dripping down his hands. He lapped her up in kind, his mouth laying claim to her.

“Tell me you love me,” he pleaded against her bruised lips.

“I love you, Michael.”

And she did love him, but loving Michael was a burden. She couldn’t blame Kay for what she did. It was a long time to carry that weight. His love was demanding, unforgiving, red-hot to the touch despite his cool exterior. There were only so many times a woman could stand to get burned.

They ended up in her bedroom, no longer her domain but his, she could feel the shift as soon as he walked in, eyes hungrily taking her in like a hawk circling above a rabbit. Her nightclothes quickly discarded, leaving her naked and vulnerable before him. She laid back on the bed as he shed his own clothes, and felt an unfamiliar nervousness settle in her stomach. Perhaps it was the magnitude of the act, no longer for leisure, but purposeful, real. If it didn’t take then, he would try again and again until he got what he wanted.

Michael climbed over her, stroking his hard cock before positioning it at her entrance. Leaning down, he kissed her again, his lips taking the brunt of her pained whimper as he slid his length inside her. 

His fingers made their home on her hips as they always did, squeezing as he thrust harder and deeper inside her. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

“That’s it, darling,” he praised. “You’re doing so well for me.”

Kissing the base of her throat while plowing into her appealed to an animalistic instinct in him, and he sunk his teeth into her tender flesh, claiming her, marking her.

In turn, she dug her long fingernails into his shoulder blades, only to find later she’d drawn blood. 

“Michael, please just—it’s too much,” she choked out.

“Just a little longer.”

He released one of her hips, moving his hand between them to rub circles in her clit. The moan she let out only encouraged him as he thrust faster, bringing the both of them closer to climax. 

Closing her eyes, she felt that familiar tightness build in her abdomen. Pleasure tingled through her brain, to her fingertips. She could grab it if she wanted to, reach out for ectasy and make it hers.

“Look at me, Gloria. I want to see you,” he ordered through gritted teeth. “I want to see you become a mother.”

Her eyes shot open, looking at him in near disbelief at his gentle vulgarity.  

Before she could even attempt to respond, he brushed the pad of his thumb over her clit again, and she came, her cunt squeezing his cock, coating it in her juices, hips involuntarily bucking in his unrelenting grip. His name fell from her lips in a delirious whine as her orgasm coursed through her body. He shuddered, cursing under his breath as he slammed his cock deeper into her, letting her cunt milk him dry.

They were silent for a few moments, save for the weak whine Gloria made when Michael pulled out from her. Glancing at her hips, he could see the familiar blossoming of finger-shaped bruises. He kissed her again, his fingers brushing her sensitive folds, collecting the cum that was leaking out before pushing it back inside her, nothing wasted, nothing left to chance.

His lips trailed down her face, to her neck and each of her breasts until finally settling on her belly. He nuzzled his nose against it, the soft, fertile flesh ripening beneath his touch. She felt almost dizzy at his primal display of affection.

“It’s gonna be a boy,” he whispered against her stomach as it rose and fell with her heavy breaths. “I can feel it.”

[isadomna]

Juana of Portugal (1439-1475)

She was the posthumous daughter of King Duarte of Portugal and his wife Leonor of Aragon. Juana grew up in exile with her mother, due to the intrigues of the Portuguese court, and lived first at the Monastery of Santa María in Medina del Campo and later in Toledo, where Leonor of Aragon died. At the age of six, Juana returned to the Portuguese court of her brother Afonso V.

In 1455 the young Juana married her cousin Enrique IV of Castile, who had repudiated his first consort after thirteen years of marriage. The couple produced no children. The marriage was annulled on the grounds of an impotence that was specific rather than general, an impotence that applied only to Enrique’s relationship with Blanca of Navarre. Yet such an extraordinary  explanation amounted to a case of maleficium (spell), with the clear implication that Blanca was the guilty party, and in addition she was obliged to leave Castile and return to Navarre.

Juana of Portugal was described as beautiful, cheerful and coquettish. The sources speak of the licentiousness introduced by the young Queen and her ladies in the austere Castilian court. They liked to use perfums, makeups, dresses that displayed too much décolletage, and flirting with men. One of her ladies, Guiomar de Castro, was King’s mistress, causing the anger of the Queen, and other, Mencía de Lemos, was Cardinal Mendoza’s mistress. 

Six years after her wedding, Queen Juana was pregnant. Some say it was a miracle, others that it was the result of some sort of artificial insemination that the couple had tried, as was recorded by a german traveler. During this period, Juana insisted that Enrique's teenaged brother and sister, Alfonso and Isabel, forcefully be brought to the court and away from their sick mother. Many saw this as a way of making sure her daughter's path to the crown would encounter no obstacles. The Queen gave birth to a daughter named Juana, officially proclaimed heir to the Crown of Castile and created Princess of Asturias.

Queen Juana planned the marriage between her sister-in-law, Isabel of Castile, and her brother Afonso V of Portugal, and her daughter with her nephew Prince Joao. She wanted with these weddings an annexation of the Crown of Castile with the kingdom of Portugal.

In early 1460s, Castilian nobles became dissatisfied with the rule of Enrique IV, and believed that Princess Juana was not King’s daughter. They called her la Beltraneja, a mocking reference to her supposed illegitimacy. Propaganda and rumour encouraged by the league of rebellious nobles argued that her father was Beltrán de la Cueva, a royal favorite of low background who had been elevated to enormous power by Enrique and who, by some, has been suggested as Enrique's lover.

Many nobles refused to recognise Princess Juana and preferred that Enrique instead name his younger half-brother, Alfonso as his heir. This was agreed to on the condition that Alfonso marries little Juana. Not long after this, Enrique reneged on his promise and began to support his daughter's claim once more. The nobles in league against him conducted a ceremonial deposition-in-effigy of Enrique outside the city of Avila and crowned Alfonso as a rival king. 

Queen Juana and her daughter were removed from the court. They lived in various castles as hostages, separately or together, protected by a faction of the nobility. The love affair of Queen Juana with the Bishop Fonseca’s nephew, Pedro of Castile, and the birth of her two illegitimate sons, caused great scandal. As a result of the need to conceal the pregnancy of her illegitimate sons, Juana of Portugal is considered the inventor of the farthingale.

In 1468, Alfonso of Castile died and Princess Juana was stripped of her succession-rights. Her aunt, Infanta Isabel, was placed before her, on condition that Isabel marry a man chosen out by the monarch. Queen Juana and her daughter sent a formal appeal to the Supreme Pontiff. Enrique accepted to divorce his wife and send her to Portugal, but Juana remained in Castile as king's wife, though separated of her husband. Isabel married Fernando of Aragon with the opposition of Enrique IV.

In 1470, Princess Juana was engaged and then married by proxy to the Duke of Guienne, brother of Louis XI of France. In the face of the French ambassador, King Enrique and Queen Juana swore before a crucifix that the Princess was their legitimate daughter. The French marriage never consummated, because the duke died two years later in France. Queen Juana always defended her daughter’s rights to the throne, and she had an active political participation. Queen Juana tried to get the support of nobles and cities, but with meager success and without palpable results. In 1474, Enrique IV died at the Alcázar of Madrid and rumors circulated that the late monarch had been poisoned, his wife and his daughter demanded an investigation. Queen Juana died a few months after her husband’s death at the age of 36. In the last months of her life, she lived at the convent of San Francisco in Madrid. The cause of her death is unknown.

Bárbara Lennie played Juana of Portugal in TV series "Isabel"

[sisididis]

One month ago (I believe, but refuse to believe all the same (ಢ_ಢ), I learned about the legend of the almond tree blossom while reading José Saramago’s Journey to Portugal. 

After sharing my enthusiasm for Portuguese love stories with @reallunargift (who illustrated so beautifully the story of Inês de Castro and Dom Pedro), I asked her if there are any other famous Portuguese love stories that I should know about. 

She kindly promised that she’d make a post about them and then I promised to compile some famous Romanian love stories myself~ So, as promised, here are five Romanian love stories that came to my mind. Please don’t expect any happy endings ahead. You’ve been warned...

1. The Legend of the Brick Mason Manole 

This is one of our most famous legends, if not the most famous. Every child in Romania grows up learning about it. Some of us have even visited the Curtea de Argeș Monastery (the setting of the legend) on school trips. 

The legend revolves around Manole, a brick mason who travelled to Argeș, alongside nine other men, to build a monastery at the orders of Negru Vodă, the then-ruler of Wallachia. During construction, it became apparent that the men’s task was more challenging than they had expected. No matter how hard they toiled, their daytime progress would crumble overnight, so they had to start building anew every day.

This situation continued until one fateful night when Manole received a prophetic dream. In his dream, he was told that the monastery would stand, and Negru Vodă would spare the brick masons' lives if Manole encased the first woman who brought them food the next day inside the monastery's walls. 

At the break of dawn, Manole silently prayed that his wife wouldn't be the first to bring him breakfast, but as you might have guessed, Ana, his wife, was the first to arrive at the monastery's gates. Horrified, Manole begged God for rain and storm so that Ana would return home, but Ana's love was stronger than any rain and storm. Nothing could prevent Ana’s sacrifice, and to make matters worse, unbeknownst to Manole, Ana was pregnant with their first child. Manole had no choice but to trap Ana and their unborn child inside the monastery's walls.  

After the sacrifice is done and the monastery is built, Manole is left stranded on the monastery's roof by order of Negru Vodă, so that he'd never build another monastery as beautiful as that one. The legend ends with Manole’s death after he tries flying from the roof with wooden wings. It is said that freshwater sprang where he landed, and now a well marks the place of this death. 

2. Radu the Handsome and Sultan Mehmed II 

Radu III, also known as Radu the Handsome, was the brother of Vlad III, aka Vlad the Impaler, aka Dracula, and the alleged lover of Sultan Mehmed II. There's a running joke among Romanians: "Although Vlad III was fond of shoving stakes up people's asses, it was his brother who was said to be gay." asdfghjkl I'm so sorry.

Unfortunately, not much has been written about him. All we know is that Radu ascended the Wallachian throne after allying himself with the Turks in a war against his brother. According to history and the nation's perception, Radu was a traitor who sold out his brother and people. 

At the same time, not much is known about Radu and Mehmed's alleged relationship. A Greek by the name of Laonic Chalcocondil wrote in his chronicle that Mehmed II took a liking to Radu and used to invite him to his parties and private chambers. It's also been written that Radu initially resisted Mehmed's advances. One of Chalcocondil's entries tells us of the time Mehmed kissed Radu against his will, and Radu struck the Sultan in his thigh with a dagger. According to that historical record, we can assume that the beginning of their romantic relationship (had there been any) was not consensual.  

But were the rumours about their relationship true? We know that Mehmed II used to write what would now be considered homoerotic poetry. So adding that to Laonic's account and the malicious propaganda directed against the traitorous Radu, I believe that the truth might be somewhere in the middle. 

Also, I did NOT expect to find fanart of Radu and Mehmed online. The art is so pretty, too. ( 　ﾟ ,_ゝﾟ)

3. Vlad III and Katharina Siegel

The love story between Vlad III and Katharina Siegel, a Saxon peasant from Brașov, an important center in Transylvania, is proof that the right person can warm even the iciest hearts. :') 

In 1455, 24-year-old Vlad laid his eyes on 17-year-old Katharina for the first time as she struggled to pull a sled full of supplies for the soldiers in Brașov. Her blond locks and deep blue eyes stole Vlad's heart, and the love story that followed was tumultuous and tragic. 

Vlad had intended to marry her, but Pope Pius II did not consent to the annulment of Vlad's marriage to Anastasia Holszanska, the niece of the Queen of Poland. So Katharina remained his mistress for 20 years. The Wallachian ruler often visited her and ordered her expensive dresses made of lace and silk. Everyone became aware of their relationship, but not everyone welcomed it.

In April 1459, the Saxons in Brașov started imposing higher taxes on the Wallachians, and the local chiefs began plotting against Vlad. Angered by this news, Vlad destroyed all the grain crops in Brașov and ordered hundreds of merchants to be impaled. Upon hearing this news, the merchants' wives hurried to Katharina's house to attack her, cut off her hair, and take her to the Pillar of Infamy. At the time, Katharina was pregnant with their second child. Upon hearing that his beloved had been beaten and humiliated at the Pillar of Infamy, Vlad threatened to set fire to the entire city. Ultimately, Vlad managed to free Katharina through negotiation, and she convinced him to spare the Saxon merchants (and their wives). 

After the Ottomans killed Vlad III in 1476, Katharina returned to the monastery where she grew up. Legend has it that she never spoke again and died of a broken heart.

4. Mihai Eminescu and Veronica Micle 

Mihai Eminescu, generally regarded as Romania's national poet, met Veronica Micle, the muse and love of his life, in Vienna, at the literary salon she hosted. It is believed that their friendship morphed into a romance sometime after 1875 when they started dedicating poems to each other. At the time, Veronica was married with two children, but even after the death of her husband, the couple's 17-year-long relationship remained unstable due to their distance and money issues. 

Aside from the romantic and expressive nature of their relationship, which brought fame to these lovers, their dramatic episodes became the upper class's favorite gossip material in the capital. 

Eminescu, for instance, was famously tormented by jealousy following rumours of Veronica's infidelities with personalities such as I. L. Caragiale, one of Romania's most important playwrights. Although Eminescu and Caragiale were good friends, Caragiale took advantage of the fact that Eminescu and Veronica had quarreled, so he started an affair with Veronica. Eminescu never forgave Caragiale. Historical accounts speak of Eminescu hunting down Caragiale in Bucharest with a gun in his pocket. 

The end of their relationship was more bitter than sweet. In 1887, when Veronica finally moved to Bucharest, Eminescu was already bedridden. After the poet’s death in 1889, Veronica retired to the Văratec Monastery, where she compiled a volume of her poems and Eminescu’s poems dedicated to her. 

One month after Eminescu's death, an inconsolable Micle committed suicide by drinking arsenic. 

5. Maitreyi and Mircea Eliade 

I seriously contemplated whether I should add this to the list or not, mainly due to the controversial nature of the relationship. But since I added Radu and Mehmed’s alleged relationship, I decided to include this one as well. 

The history between Maitreyi Devi, an Indian writer, and Romanian scholar Mircea Eliade became famous after the publication of Eliade’s fictionalised account of their romance, Bengal Nights. 

I like to think of his book as Romania’s Memoirs of a Geisha. Just like Arthur Golden stole Mineko Iwasaki’s story to write Memoirs of a Geisha, Eliade twisted the reality of his relationship with Maitreyi Devi to portray the pitfalls of young love. 

Maitreyi Devi was sixteen years old when Mircea Eliade, then twenty-three, came to Calcutta to study with her father. Over forty years passed before Maitreyi read Bengal Nights, and wrote her response, It Does Not Die, to speak her truth.

While I do recommend you read the book for its deeply moving plot and characters, it is important to acknowledge how damaging its publication was to Maitreyi’s reputation. In her book, Maitreyi explains that when her and Eliade’s secret romance was discovered, her father banished Eliade from their home. 

Alas, I recommend that you read both of Eliade and Maitreyi’s accounts in tandem. Both books talk of a first love thwarted by cultural tensions, arrogance and naivete. 

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

This is What The·oc·ra·cy Looks Like!

(The Overturn of Roe V. Wade is Only the Beginning.)

Stephen Jay Morris

6/25/2022

©Scientific Morality

What the hell do you care about this?! You’ve got your own problems! You car payment is overdue! You’re behind in your mortgage! You have to watch the mileage on your car because of Big Oil’s price gouging! Your small business is bossing you around ‘cause, now, IT runs YOU! To top it all off, your daughter was gang-raped by some Proud Men and, now, she is pregnant! By the way, she had a gun in her purse, but she couldn’t get to it. She’ll have to travel to California to terminate the pregnancy, but you don’t have the money for airline tickets! Maybe you can sell some meth? Yeah! This radical action by the Supreme Court will personally affect you and the whole, fucking country!

Maybe you’re not hip to politics. Well, now is time for on-the-job training. Theocracy? It doesn’t matter what religion controls a country, the result the same. Take Islam, for example. Look at Iran; it’s worse than Communist Cuba! Not only is there no abortion allowed, it is illegal to masturbate! If someone sees you engage in this Satanic activity, then they are required to contact the morality police squad. Should they discover that you did not report it, then you’ll be whipped in public! And, if you don’t pray to Allah three times a day, then its jail time for you, bub.

Religious repression causes people to become Atheists. Did you know that, in Iran, the Millennial kids secretively embrace Atheism? In the same vein, Cuban exiles become fanatical, anti-Communists, then immigrate to the USA and become supporters of American Fascists! Thank you, Castro, you fucking asshole! I’m glad you’re dead!! Thanks to you, the political Right is removing our freedom!

You know who else is taking our freedom away? Rich, elitist, WASP Republicans. They couldn’t care less about abortion rights; they can get an abortion on demand, anytime! These rich pigs are decadent sinners. They make concessions to the Religious Right—like making abortion illegal, without exception.

You see, the rich pigs want to arrest all those with instincts of resistance or rebellion. Humans are not evil, they are inherently rebellious—and the powerful rich are terrified about it! They think that strategically having religion to restrain human immorality will stop all revolution against them. When they say they want people to be moral, they mean people who will be submissive to the Corporate State. I have repeated this dynamic of the rich and the religious, time and time again. Will anybody listen? Nope? Well, then, it’s on them. Not me, babe!

If you believe that voting Democrats into office will help the USA, well...not so much. The two-party system must be destroyed or it will destroy us.

So, here is my gratuitous advice to you, America. First: Yes, go ahead and vote blue if makes you feel better. Second: Do you remember when Islamic terrorists were making the scene? The Conservatives in America had this talking point; it was a question: “Why don’t the mainstream Muslims denounce Islamic terrorists?” Well, now is the time for us to ask this question: “Why don’t the mainstream Christians denounce the fundamentalist Evangelical Christians?” When I say mainstream, I mean these denominations: Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopal, Pentecostal, Methodist, Calvinist, and even the Roman Catholic Church. They should all make a joint statement denouncing the Theocratic Army of Christian Nationalists. I’m calling them out!

The best form of heterosexual sex is with contraceptives, unless the objective is to increase the population of the White race. Abortion as a choice, however, is about premarital sex. The whole crux of this debate—and I reiterate this belabored point—is: You have the right to worship any God you want, but I don’t have to follow your God’s rules! Just because you can’t recruit people of their own volition, into your fold, it doesn’t give you the right to make laws based upon your own dogma. The Supreme Court justices should exchange their black robes for white robes, because they have openly surrendered to the Religious Right.

You see, I knew this was coming. Back in the day, only a minority of citizens supported the American Revolution. The rest were loyal to the British Crown. If not for those revolutionaries, we would be speaking the Queen’s English today.

My point is that a minority of Americans can turn this country into a Theocracy—unless the rest of us, the majority—wake up and rebel against it!

[rockislandadultreads]

Lyrical Horror: books to read

Flowers for the Sea by Zin E. Rocklyn

We are a people who do not forget. Survivors from a flooded kingdom struggle alone on an ark. Resources are scant, and ravenous beasts circle. Their fangs are sharp. Among the refugees is Iraxi: ostracized, despised, and a commoner who refused a prince, she’s pregnant with a child that might be more than human. Her fate may be darker and more powerful than she can imagine. Zin E. Rocklyn’s extraordinary debut is a lush, gothic fantasy about the prices we pay and the vengeance we seek.

Under Her Skin by Lindy Ryan (Editor), Toni Miller (Editor)

Black Spot Books presents its inaugural Poetry Showcase, featuring the best in never-before-published dark verse and lyrical prose from the voices of Women in Horror. Edited by Lindy Ryan and Toni Miller, the inaugural collection features work from Bram-Stoker award-winning and nominated authors, as well as dozens of poems from women (cis and trans) and non-binary femmes in horror.

The Beauty by Aliya Whiteley

Somewhere away from the cities and towns, a group of men and boys gather around the fire each night to listen to their stories in the Valley of the Rocks. For when the women are all gone the rest of your life is all there is for everyone. The men are waiting to pass into the night. The story shall be told to preserve the past. History has gone back to its aural roots and the power of words is strong. Meet Nate, the storyteller, and the new secrets he brings back from the woods. William rules the group with youth and strength, but how long can that last? And what about Uncle Ted, who spends so much time out in the woods? Hear the tales, watch a myth be formed. For what can man hope to achieve in a world without women? When the past is only grief how long should you hold on to it? What secrets can the forest offer to change it all? Discover the Beauty.

The Queen of the Cicadas by V. Castro

2018: Belinda Alvarez has returned to Texas for the wedding of her best friend Veronica. The farm is the site of the urban legend, La Reina de Las Chicharras - The Queen of The Cicadas. In 1950s south Texas a farmworker—Milagros from San Luis Potosi, Mexico—is murdered. Her death is ignored by the town, but not the Aztec goddess of death, Mictecacíhuatl. The goddess hears the dying cries of Milagros and creates a plan for both to be physically reborn by feeding on vengeance and worship. Belinda and the new owner of the farmhouse, Hector, find themselves immersed in the legend and realize it is part of their fate as well.

[joannasblogforcolloquium]

Journal #4

Picture #1 & #2 - Credit to Joanna Francisco-Castro - Welcome to ECHO sign & Welcome room

We started the ECHO field trip in the welcome hall. Here we got to meet our guide and watch an informational video on ECHO and their impact worldwide. A fact from the video that had me shocked was that a child dies from hunger-related causes every 12 seconds. It was shocking because that’s similar to being in a classroom of 24 kids, and they all die within about 5 minutes. It was saddening to hear, nonetheless.

Picture #3 & #4 - Credit to Joanna Francisco-Castro - Bamboo house & Joanna w/ bamboo house

After that, we got to visit the bamboo courtyard. Here we were told that young men in the mountains of Costa Rice have a high suicide rate. However, ECHO stepped in and started teaching them ways to live off the bamboo around them. We even had a great visual of the kind of houses they make using bamboo. I thought it was cool how ECHO has a website that’s accessible because it’s in so many languages that many people can use the information they provide.

Picture #5 & #6 - Credit to Joanna Francisco-Castro - Cacti & Tropical highlands

The next stop was the tropical highlands. A lot of the land in tropical highland areas has been deforested, leading to soil degradation and erosion. A plant they showed us typically found in these areas is cacti, aka nopales. My family and I actually already grow cacti at our home and eat them on a regular basis, so I thought it was cool when my other classmates were also trying it. The easiest to eat raw was the light green ones that have ones that look like thorns but are softer.

Picture #7 & #8 - Credit to Joanna Francisco-Castro - Garden area & Joanna with Moringa leaves

The next stop was the community garden. Here we got to see the huge 31-year-old moringa tree. This plant was probably my favorite of all because of its benefits. It’s high in protein and iron, can help protect tissue, and reduce pain! The story the guide told us was wonderful to on how these plants help pregnant women have healthier milk for their babies. I’m going to highly recommend the plant to mothers if they face a similar situation.

At the last stop, we got to see a hut that is commonly made in Africa. It was made from wood and mud. The roof was made from palm fronds. He told us the story of how people in Africa were affected by COVID, which was through people visiting. After this, we had to close the tour to make it back on time.

Picture #9 - Credit to Joanna Francisco-Castro - ECHO mural

I learned a good amount about sustainability. I learned it is more than just cutting down waste but also knowing how to use natural resources in a useful non-waste way. Houses made out of bamboo are the biggest example. It’s a home made out of sustainable resources that could naturally decompose at some point. Organizations like ECHO are important to the world because they make important information accessible to people who typically would not have that information. Especially since they have locations worldwide, they can help people in person.

An example of adaptive technology is the internet. ECHO uses the internet to maintain its website, which is available in many languages, so many people can use it. A plant encountered that I previously mentioned was cacti; cacti can be used in a lot of foods like beans but it also is a source of water. Something I learned at ECHO I will apply to my own life is making my own fertilizer. Right now, in the garden at my house, we use store-bought fertilizer, but ECHO gave me the knowledge about how fertilizer works that I would definitely consider making my own and using their resources to make it better!

I have some personal experience growing plants. My grandma gardens as a hobby, and I’m always amazed because she has such amazing hands that can plant everything and have it prosper into plants that bloom fruit or flowers. I also maintain a few of my own plants in my room. They are smaller succulents and a bit easier to tend, but it is relaxing watering them and seeing them grow. However, the plants my grandma grows we use for cooking in our dinners!

If I had to grow or find my own food, my life would be significantly different. I’m so used to being able to go to a grocery store and buy everything there prepackaged that it would be shocking to have to find or grow all of my food. Growing my food would not be too hard since I have gardening experience, but it would be a lot more labor than what I’m used to, but I would definitely get a good tan in the end. Finding meat would be the biggest difference. I like not knowing where the meat I’m eating comes from. If I knew I had to care animals for meat, I would not be able to consume them because I would be too sympathetic to them.

[bestiarium]

The Trauco [Chilote mythology]

Should you ever venture into the forests of the Chiloé Archipelago, you may encounter a small human-like being with legs but no feet. If Chilote mythology is to be believed, this is the Trauco. This creature always carries a small stone hatchet, which he uses to hit trees in order to “symbolize his sexual potency” for some reason. In some tales, the Trauco can kill people by looking directly at them, whereas other tales claim that he only uses this against men. Regardless, he has the ability to influence women and magically convince them to have intercourse with him: it is said no woman alive can resist the Trauco.

As such, this story is often used to explain pregnant women who claim to never have slept with a man. If all local men deny that they are the father, then it is assumed the Trauco had magically charmed the woman. It is possible that this myth arose as a way to explain teenage pregnancies and to combat the shame. But it might also have been a way to take advantage of women, or for men to escape responsibilities by claiming that the child wasn’t theirs. 

The Trauco’s control over women is absolute: even sleeping women stand up to follow him. He often appears to women in their sleep, giving them erotic dreams and convinces them to go into the forest.

Sources: https://www.thetravelchica.com/2012/02/chiloe-island-mythology-trauco/ “El Trauco: the story of the most famous grotesque mythological being in Chiloé”, a 2019 episode of Radio Santiago (Image 1: an illustration by Feig Felipe Pérez for the trading card game “Mitos y Leyendas”) (image 2: a statue of the Trauco in Parque Municipal, in Castro. Image source: Wikipedia user Seo2)

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

CANON MUSES - KID MUSE LIST

Allison “AJ” Mertz - Bisexual Biromantic Mono/Polygamous Cis Female? - 19 - FC: Rachael Castro

Allison is a part of the South Park Vampire Society, and a very avid fan of Mike. His charisma, his shepherding skills, the way he can find strengths in anyone. She is very goofy and always likes making her friends laugh, and has a heart of gold, opting to see the good in everyone, even if others can’t or won’t. Her family is very Catholic and dislike her “darkness” and the fact that her best friends are all older guys. They do not know that she was pregnant with the kids of one of those older guys (Count Ravencrowe) and have not seen her since she was kicked out. Georgi is a good friend of hers, and Vlad has been her best friend for years. She has roughly six lovers and does her best to give them all her attention, even if she is staying with RC in a cabin with Ollie, Gunnar, Cassie, and the newest addition.

Amanda Harrison - Bisexual Cis Female - 16 - FC: Tasha Sapojnikova

The youngest of the Harrisons, Amanda is a very smart, very outgoing young woman. She is on the school paper, and takes her job as an investigative reporter (her words) very seriously. Writing is something she is very passionate about, and it does overshadow her love of their family’s religion. However, she makes a great effort not to let her parents or older sister know. She has confided in Gary that she wants to move away when she’s eighteen, and he has been hesitantly supportive of her. 

Bridon Gueermo - Homosexual Homoromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 23 - FC: Asmus Tynell

Balancing basketball and theater has always been something Bridon has had to do in order to make his father happy. He still flinches when people raise their hands too quickly, and he dislikes delivering bad news to anyone, but most especially his father. He got a basketball scholarship to a school out of state, but returned when his father had an accident in a musical theater production for his men’s choir group. He is trying to care for him despite his terror of him, and spends a lot of time at the basketball courts at the park. He has been considering joining the next musical in town.

Clyde Donovan - Homoflexible Biromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 25 - FC: Jacob Morton

A better diet and lots of exercise gave Clyde a new look that he was more proud of. By the end of high school, he was looking into a modeling career, and ended up being featured in a magazine by age 20. He is still very fond of flirting and dating, and tends to be flirtatious with everyone he meets. He lives in South Park but visits Denver often. Due to an accident, he has been turned into a vampire, blooded by the Society. His first meeting happened to be the one that included Larry’s water breaking at the end of it, and he hasn’t been back since. Through circumstances that he still doesn’t quite understand, he ended up in a polyamorous relationship with Jimmy and Ella, though it took him way too long to realize that she is a werewolf. 

Crystal White - Bisexual Biromantic Monogamous Cis Female - 18 - FC: Bella Thorne

Crystal spent a good deal of her childhood being told that she was going to be hurt and victimized because she was a White. Between that and her fear of the president at the time, she became insanely fearful of everything. In sixth grade, she was hospitalized for ulcers caused by her constant anxiety, and when she came back, she had made a decision. She would learn to love the scary things in life, and she sought to enjoy the things the goths did without technically joining them. They still terrified her, and terrify her to this day. But, she’s more comfortable with some things, even if she still has high anxiety.

David Harrison - Unsure Cis Male - 17 - FC: Oskar Dalsjo

The middle youngest of the Harrison children, David is a very kind and giving person. He has always seen Billy Harris as a friend, ever since he heard of his unfortunate sickness, and has seen fit to help wherever he can. Though he has lied to his parents and those in the church that he is proselytizing to him and Floyd, he feels it’s more important to do what he could to help Billy live. He has spearheaded donation drives, a Go-Fund-Me, and several bake sales in Billy’s, and eventually Floyd’s, names. When he is  able to move out of his parents’ house, he intends on being honest about wanting to leave the LDS church in order to help his friend. Gary has voiced his support, though he is fearful to go against the elder members of their family. He has a very intense crush on Billy, and the two of them have slowly been exploring that.

Dougie O’Connell - Heteroflexible Biromantic Monogamous Genderfluid Male - 22 - FC: Ben Rees

Dougie and Butters remained good friends through the years despite everything. While he has helped with his cannibalism, he tries to pretend that he didn’t touch those people. He picked up smoking when he was in high school, and smokes hookah, cigarettes, and vapes. He’s a bit jaded, but he’s still fairly positive in Butters’ presence. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, and spends a lot of time alone. He has become something of a honorary goth due to his attachment and friendship with Henrietta, and feels somewhat like he belongs somewhere for once.

Elizabeth “Lizzy” Masters - Homoflexible Biromantic Polygamous Cis Female - 24 - FC: Halston Sage

She was something of a pity case with Pete? But the boy is not actually good at necromancy. She was fairly okay with wandering South Park as a ghost, making things a little tough for the boys here and there, but after he was able to see everyone, she started following him around. And then she started pestering him, telling him she wished she had had a chance to live. Because Pete makes a business out of helping the dead, he took her to the morgue in Denver in the middle of the night when nobody was there, and bound her soul to a body that she chose. Due to her staying in Pete’s old apartment with Vegreth, she has been mistaken as Pete’s side-chick by his lovers, though her and Pete are not involved.

Eric Cartman - Bisexual Biromantic Monogamous Genderfluid (Masc Presenting) - 25 - FC: Zach Miko

Eric still spends a lot of his time with Kyle and Butters, and otherwise has a few endeavors that he’s working on from home. He has become something of an influencer, including but not limited to ranting videos, gaming, and rating people’s pets. He lives for the attention and is often even more ridiculous than usual in his videos. He does a lot of muckbang streams, as well, and has started including Kyle in them. He and Kyle are engaged, and he is officially the mother of their four children. Eric has moved out of his mother’s house due to her allowing Scott to live with them, after Scott killed one of the babies he was carrying. He harbors a lot of hatred towards them both, and is coming to terms with him having a sister he barely remembers.

Estella Havisham - Homosexual Homoromantic Polygamous Cis Female - 26 - FC: Carolina Porqueddu

Eventually, Estella grew bored of living with her aunt and uncle in England, and thought to follow Pip to South Park. She heard he resurfaced there, and learnt from her friend Gregory that he also lived there. As much as she still clings to misandry, Pip and Gregory have special places in her heart. Gregory is nearly like a brother to her, and Pip, well... He will always be the boy that tried to teach her to have a heart. Sometimes, she is still plagued by spirits wanting to inhabit her body, lost souls that can feel the weakness in hers that her mother’s machine made. She takes up an abandoned mansion near Gregory’s home, with a large fountain and pond up front and an extensive one in the back.

Ferrari Mitchells - Homosexual Homoromantic Polygamous Cis Female - 24 - FC: Ariana Grande

Ferrari stars in several local commercials for real estate and various law firms. She is famous for her scream when her ‘husband’ is hit by a car in an injury lawyer commercial. Moonlighting at the Hippo, she spends a lot of time with Mercedes, wanting to be in the know at all times. She will also hang out at Hooters with Porsche, though she doesn’t work there. She was murdered due to rebuking a man at the Hippo who wanted to have sex with her, and was rushed to Michael and Firkle to be reanimated. Like all the Raisins, she eventually gave Michael a chance and has been one of his lovers for a while, now. This has little to do with his involvement with her being brought back to life and more with how safe and comfortable she feels with him. The girls often go on “group dates” with him, where they all do something together. They all more-or-less communally live and raise any children they have together.

Firkle Smith - Homosexual Demiromantic Polygamous Transmale - 19 - FC: Ash Stymest

A young goth Witch that barely escapes being arrested on a daily basis. He has his hands in so many different illegal pies it isn't even funny. Michael and Cthulhu have his full loyalty, though he is branching out to other deities as his family grows. Dutiful and observant, he does what he can to further his own agenda and uses people as he sees fit for his needs, though he has found himself in an odd predicament. Having birthed twins to Michael, but also Cthulhu, he has been charged with doing it a second time after Asher brought to his attention what Cthulhu had planned for Aster. His familiar is a Veined Octopus named Edgar. There are always at least eight knives on him at any time.

Fosse McDonald - Homosexual Homoromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 27 - FC: Jhonattan Burjack

Fosse went straight into the military the minute he got out of high school with no intention to look back. Being separated from Bill for the first time in his life, however, at 22 was the absolute worst thing for him. He ended up dropping out after three days of bootcamp, going so far as to break his foot in order to get out of it. He now avoids recruiters like the plague. Now, he regularly brings home cute animals from Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, and works in porn. He plans on putting as much of his paychecks into a savings account so he can give Bill an expensive engagement ring. His best friend other than Bill is his goose Edmund. Edmund, Duke of Earl “Earl”, Herman, and Bertrand make up his gaggle of gay geese.

Gary Harrison - Homosexual Homoromantic Polygamous Cis Male - 24 - FC: David Latting

Gary still loves his family, and his church, even if he doesn’t always think that everything he’s told is right. He goes on the dates with nice Mormon girls his father chooses for him, but he always politely declines a second one. He is very close to his siblings and worries what would happen if he was truly himself with them. It doesn’t bother him enough to bring him down, though, and he continues to help in the community. One thing he holds above all things is being kind, but his kindness is not weakness and he will not hesitate to call people on their bullshit. He has been somewhat cowed by being abducted by both Michael and Dzianis, who left him somewhat broken. He has gone back to Michael and counts him as one of his lovers, and has been struggling not to return to Dzianis.

Gregory Chadwick - Homosexual Homoromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 25 - FC: Lucky Blue Smith

An honor-roll student that constantly references his achievements and accomplishments even if they happened ages ago. He is very prideful in most ways, and works as a spy for a secret organization that tries to fix bad political moves that don't benefit people. He's very for Revolution, and doesn't want to see others suffer. He's an alcoholic, and very lonely most of the time, because he tends to push people away from him with his haughty attitude. He can be very sweet but is very clingy and rude. He has a Doberman Pinscher named Queen Elizabeth. He has officially moved out of Stan, Pete, and Reagan’s house and in with Alex. He cannot stand being around Pocket, and neither can Elizabeth. He is the mother of Alex’s children, giving him quads. He absolutely plays favorites with Tana.

Karen McCormick - Homosexual Homoromantic Monogamous Cis Female - 20 - FC: Victoria Pedretti

Karen stayed with the goth kids after the Casa Bonita fiasco, becoming quick friends with Henrietta and seeing her as a mother figure, eventually getting a crush on her. She gets along fairly well with everyone, even if she never exactly adopted the Goth Lifestyle super strictly. She does what she can when she can, but it’s hard to afford goth clothes that aren’t from Hot Topic on a budget that doesn’t allow for a can opener. She and Tricia finally admitted their mutual attraction for each other, and have begun dating. When her father got out of prison, she took him in, having been saving money to pay off the rest of his fine and to give him a stipend to live off of until he can get disability. She thinks everything is fine, even if he’s getting her drunk most nights, not that he had to try all that hard. 

Katie "Bloodrayne" Gelson - Pansexual Panromantic Polygamous Cis Female - 26 - FC: Julia Almendra

Bloodrayne went on to work at Hot Topic to put herself through online college. She’s very independent but is still close with Mike and Larry. Dubbed the Vamp Kids’ Firkle, she can be very violent and loves to get into fights. She carries a knife on her at all times, much like Firkle does. Having been charged with helping Fisher with enforcement and recon missions, she doesn’t spend as much time with her family as she once did. Most of the time, she prowls the woods near Stark’s pond, keeping an eye on things and making her own fun. She has a huge crush on Annie, but has yet to say anything about it. While she’s very outspoken and loud about her opinions, she doesn’t think she’d be very good at relationship related things, and prefers to stuff her feelings down and ignore them.

Kevin McCormick - Pansexual Panromantic Polygamous Cis Male - 30 - FC: Jensen Ackles

Kevin dropped out of high school at fourteen, not because he wanted to, but because his mother told him to. He had to help with taking care of the kids, and so he got a job helping his mother wash dishes at Olive Garden. His life didn’t seem to get better until he met Christie Bell at age twenty. They had two kids together, Gil and Fauna, and Kevin pours all of his effort into caring for them and making sure they have a better life than he and his siblings did. Not to mention their mother is violent towards them, like his parents were. He strives to keep violence away from them, and has finally managed to get a divorce with Christie. It is messy and she still shows up from time to time to try and convince him to give up on it and let her see her kids. He has been spending more time with a few other people aside from Firkle, but he still sees Firk as one of his main lovers.

Kyle Schwartz - Bi-Curious Biromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 25 - FC: Giulio Donvito

“Cousin” Kyle has finally made his move to South Park to escape his own immediate family. While he’s still insanely annoying and entitled, he’s a little more down-to-Earth these days after a stint in the hospital that lasted nearly a year. He met someone there that made him question a lot of things, and part of him seeks to reconcile with his cousin for being as horrible to him as he was in his youth.

Larry "Darkheart" Goodman - Homosexual Homoromantic Monogamous/Polygamous Transmale - 26 - FC: Gerhard Friedl

Always capable of managing the Vamp Kids, Larry ended up becoming something of the mom of the group. He takes care of everyone and handles all the planning and group outings, though he has been advised and almost forced to have others help. While he is always with someone, he does like his alone time. He suffers from depression and anxiety to the point that he hurts himself rather than bother anyone else with it. He is an actual vampire, turned by Mike as his very first, and is his Wed partner. He has given birth to Damian’s children, and is intending on Mike’s next. He looks up to and is close friends with one of Mike’s sire’s Weds, Marcel.

Leopald "Butters" Stotch - Bisexual Biromantic Monogamous Intersex (Masculine Presenting) - 24 - FC: Ross Lynch

For the most part, Butters remained sweet and sometimes insightful. However, his parents’ constant abuse did leave him more than a little messed up. Due to being seen as a demon for a few months when he was growing up, he continues to kill and eat humans, learning quite a few recipes and trying all kinds of things. A select few know about this, including Michael and Kenny. After being magically turned into a vampire for six days, Butters’ hair remained dark; It was one thing that he couldn’t shake. 

Mercedes Olson - Pansexual Panromantic Polygamous Cis Female - 23 - FC: Emma Roberts

Mercedes continued to work on her dancing at Raisins until she was old enough to get a job at the Peppermint Hippo. While she still plays the part of the bimbo blonde girl while at work and with her girl friends, she still hangs out with Michael. He rubbed off on her enough that she is what she calls a “part-time Barbie, part-time Wednesday.” She absolutely idolizes Morticia Addams in her spare time, when she doesn’t have to put on a show for money. She didn’t want to rely on her parents’ money, so she is doing what she can to keep up with her high-end lifestyle. Stripping does more for her on this front than anything else.

Mimsy Ellison - Asexual Homoromantic Unsure Cis Male - 25 - FC: Jake Sim

Mimsy is a very sweet man who is still rarely seen without Nathan. He does his best to help his longtime friend and semi-boyfriend, though he knows there are things he can’t help him with. They have a strictly romantic relationship. Mimsy enjoys working with his hands and does construction when he’s allowed to work, but for the most part is on disability. Woodworking is a hobby he is very proud of, as well as gardening. No matter who the person is, he is always ready and willing to help them. Despite Nathan’s allergy, he is quick to come home with stray cats that he finds, only to have to be told they cannot keep it.

Nathan Ross - Homosexual Homoromantic Polygamous Cis Male - 25 - FC: Dylan Sprouse

Due to the consistent sexual abuse in his life as a child, Nathan eventually grew to really love sex. He commonly can be found selling himself to scratch the itch his long-time boyfriend Mimsy can’t. They’re amicable about it and Mimsy harbors no ill will towards Nathan or his partners. It is still half of his personality to hate Jimmy and his successes, but he has learned that even if his hate is/was justified, fate prefers Jimmy to him. He suffers from feelings of inadequacy and fears being alone. He works at the Goodwill officially in the back, and is allowed to have Mimsy with him as his support system while he works. The two are rarely seen without one another.

Peter "Pete" Thelman - Pansexual Panromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 27 - FC: Jeremy DuFour

Always a nihilist, Pete grew to believe that he had to be totally self-reliant or he would fail. His mother died when he was sixteen of cancer, and it hit him very hard. When he was working three jobs and still trying to do college, he didn’t have a lot of time to himself, but he did try very hard to stay in contact with his friends. He is blind, and can see supernatural creatures clear as day, due to his third eye being very strong. The blindness came from the demon that used to inhabit his body, Vegreth, trying to prime his psychic powers for a takeover of Hell. The plan has been put on hold since they were separated by Michael, Nalkyra, and Firkle, and Pete has been trying to teach him how to be human. His familiars are two deer mice named Oleander and Monkshood. He lives with Stan, Reagan, Brandy, and Hennessey, and still pays for his old apartment so Lizzy and Vegreth can live there.

Phillip “Pip” Pirrup - Bisexual Biromantic Polyamorous Cis Male - 24 - FC: Bryce Dettloff

Pip became an angel when he died on Cartman’s birthday, and had spent a good deal of time learning and training to become a guardian angel to his childhood friends, Butters and Dougie. He has his hands full, they really needed him a long time ago. Returning to South Park, finally, he simply waves off being dead and says he was simply taken by the state.

Porsche Stone - Pansexual Panromantic Polyamorous Transfemale - 28 - FC: Vanessa Ferlito

Porsche was never a smart girl, and eventually aged out of high school. At twenty-one, she continued to work at Raisins, pulling in more money there than she likely would anywhere else. Then again, she didn’t really need the money. Her father, who has always been his daughter’s biggest fan, owns a couple car dealerships and the family is never wanting for much.

Tammy Warner - Pansexual Panromantic Polygamous Cis Female - Mother of Mason - 27 - FC: Odette Annable

Tammy didn’t like the reputation that she had in high school, due to a pregnancy her father made her carry to term. Having a baby at fifteen was a traumatic experience for her, but she loves her son very much. For a while, she moved in with her mom in Denver, getting her help with Mason while she was young. Moving back to South Park was a chance thing, but it was important that she go back for her dad’s funeral. She ended up staying in his old house that she inherited for Baby Reasons, and Mason came with her. She is still a major slut, however, and will only go to other people’s houses or motel/hotel rooms so that she doesn’t disturb her son.

Trent Boyett - Bisexual Biromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 25 - FC: Nicholas Hamilton

After being released from Juvie the second time, Trent decided to simply lay low for a while. He finished high school late and moved to the internet for any kind of companionship he could find. Ending up becoming a fan of the deep web, he started to become the monster everyone believed him to be, since they wouldn’t give him a chance. He now takes hits and things from people, and has become involved with a few snuff films. He doesn’t want to be like this, but he feels he has no choice. He has two rabbits named Dandelion and Cowslip, and they are his girls. He will protect them with his life.

Tweek Tweak - Homosexual Homoromantic Monogamous Cis Male - 23 - FC: Nariman Malanov

Never really calming down, Tweek has been arrested on a few occasions for being violent. He is quick to anger or paranoid fear, and lashes out whenever he can’t calm down. Craig is one of the few people who can help when he’s losing his shit, but they aren’t always together. He drives a beat up old Chevrolet truck and keeps a shotgun under the seat. He also always has a small handgun on him, which does not always bode well for himself or the people around him. He took over the coffee shop after his father retired, and handles it much better than he did. He has a bird named Rudebega, AKA Rudy. He also rescues and rehabilitates any wild or domestic birds he can find.​

Wendyl Testaburger - Bisexual Biromantic Monogamous Transmale - 24 - FC: Aleksander Gajzler

Wendyl embraced his new identity in middle school and never looked back. He kept thinking about it all through the rest of elementary all the way up to seventh grade. He is very vocal about social and political issues, and feels like he has more of a voice, now. He tries to stay away from being feminine, but sometimes his parents still ask him to try.

[socalwriterbee]

Save The Last Dance

Book: The Nanny Affair

Characters: Sam Dalton x Marie Dalton (Castro), Robin Flores

Song Inspiration: Save The Last Dance for Me

Honorable Song Mentions: I've Got The World On a String - Frank Sinatra, I've Got The World On a String - Michael Bublé

Rating/Warning: Fluff, Humor, Mention of Sexual Activity

Word Count: 1,284

A/N: After so much angst and heartbreak, here is something on the lighter side.

~~~~~~

The band starts up another classic cover, ‘I’ve Got The World On a String’ by Frank Sinatra. Or it could have been the Michael Bublé version. Sam shrugged to himself, since his wife, Marie played his music throughout the house. Not the he minded, but Mr. Blue Eyes couldn’t be beat.

Leaning against the bar he began to drown out the music. Sam, Marie and Robin had gotten all dressed up to come to a fundraiser his parents forced them to attend, when they had agreed to skip this one. He and Robin blended with all the other men here, black tux and bow tie. But Marie, oh she stood out. Her golden brown hair, styled down in waves and her emerald dress that fit her perfectly.

“Where are you Cariño?” Sam whispers out to himself, the word for sweetheart Marie taught him. He had asked Marie to teach him and the boys some Spanish, or Spanglish as she called it because her Spanish would mix with English when she didn’t know the right word.

Scanning the couples on the dance floor, Sam had seemed to have lost sight of his wife. “How do you do that, she is breathtaking.” It was why he was standing alone at the bar, everyone wanted to talk to her or dance with her. ‘The price of bringing investors into the company.’ She told him as one of Dad’s longtime friend ask her for a dance at the beginning of their night.

He spots his brother, Robin, she was with him last, laughing as they shared a dance. Sam was happy things went back to somewhat normalcy with him, he actually like having him around. Of course he would never say it out loud to him or to anyone because he would never hear the end of it. Still scanning the crowd, it was supposed to be a the start of a child free weekend for him and Marie, not exactly how he wanted to spend a Friday night.

Trying to follow his gaze, Marie was sure Sam didn’t hear her approach him. Taking the sight of her husband, she smiled. “What has got you so lost in thought? I hope you’re not looking for someone to take home.” Marie laughs, hooking her arm around his.

“Well I was. But it looks like someone found me and I might be going home with them.” Sam chuckles and looks down at her. A smile forming against the dark red of her lips.

“Is that so Mr. Dalton?” Marie lets out in a sultry voice. “Wouldn’t your wife become jealous?”

Sam’s eyes go dark with desire “Oh, I’m not leaving her out on the fun. Although I do believe she should get a bit of a punishment for leaving her husband alone most of the night.” He brings her to his front, Sam’s hand on her hips, leaning down to kiss her. But is stopped when Marie presses a finger against his lips.

“I was thinking of one last dance before heading out.” Marie smiles up at Sam, he pressing a kiss on her finger before grabbing her hand with his.

“I hope this last dance is with me, because if it isn’t you may not be getting any tonight.” Sam laughs.

“Well shit then, I better tell Robin our threesome is off the table tonight.” Marie jokes winking at him. Two can play this game, she says to herself.

“Haha, very funny. How about we skip the dance? Call it a night?” Sam suggests. Praying she would say yes, but knowing the answer before she speaks.

“I asked the band to play one of my favorite songs.” Pouting at him. “Please? I saved my last dance for you.”

Shaking his head with a smile on his face. “It’s not that song is it? The one we never get to finish dancing too, or at times not even begin.” Sam says.

Marie smiles at him. “Indulge me in this request.”

Closing his eyes and running his hand through his hair. “Don’t I always?” Sam asks.

“Please! Just this once.” Leaning up Marie, pressing a gentle kiss against the corner of Sams’ lips.

“It’s been more than once, Love. I could list every indulgence of yours I’ve given into.”

“Hmm don't act like you don’t enjoy yourself..”

“Oh I’m not complaining Cariño. I was just informing you I could list..” Marie shuts him up with a light kiss on the lips.

Without saying a word, Sam takes Maries’ hand in his and leads them on to the dance floor, the current song coming to an end. Marie looks towards the band, once they spot her they began to play ‘Save the Last Dance For Me’. Sam pulls her into his body, his hand snakes around her waist and settles at the small of her back. Their bodies pressed against each other.

Taking her hand in his, they begin to sway as the song starts. Marie leans up to whisper into Sam’s ear, “So about that list?” running her hand at the nape of his neck.

“Mmm.. what about it?” He raises an eyebrow at her.

“Care to share it with me, Mr. Dalton.”

Sam’s grey eyes look deeply at his wife’s a grin spreads across his face. “Oh no Mrs. Dalton, this is one of you favorite songs and I’d plan to finish dancing to it for once. I don’t want you reminiscing those moments right here with people around us. It wouldn’t be polite or gentlemen like.”

Pouting at him, Marie lets out a defeated sigh. Sam laughs at his wife’s titillated mood, He crashes his lips against hers., taking her by surprise. A gentle moan escapes Marie’s lips and he takes advantage slipping his tongue past her lips.

“So much for being a gentleman” Marie says after breaking the kiss. Looking around them to see if anyone saw that not so suitable for public kiss, seeing Robin chuckle as he takes a drink from a server and winks at them. She hides her blushing face into Sam’s chest.

“The kitchen counter.” Sam blurts out.

“What?” Marie looks up at Sam raising in eyebrow on confusion.

“The home office. The tub, hmm against the glass shower.”

Both of them laugh as the memory comes rushing back to both of them, almost falling down on the tile floor when the door gave way behind them.

“We may need a sturdier shower door” Marie suggests.

“To be fair I don’t think that’s what the designer had in mind, it is a door that opens to the slightest touch”

“Very true” Her requested song being drowned out as Sam continues to list the places she wanted him.

“The back of the car.. That time at work when I called you to come up to my office after finding your panties in my desk, bending you over it and knowing that you were walking around the labs without them on was driving me crazy.”

“Ok… ok…I get it.” Laughing and playfully smacking Sam against his chest. “We give in to my every desire, it’s a surprise I’m not pregnant yet.”

“Trust me love, I would love nothing more than having you pregnant with my child, and it’s not do to a lack of not trying. So, once this song is over I’m dragging you out of this place taking you home and having my way with you. The only thing you’d be wearing as your legs are wrapped around me are those red bottom nude heels..”

Letting out a groan, Marie grabs Sam’s hand and turns to walk away, turning back to see his face

“You’re right, we are not finishing this song.”

[differentnutpeace]

Once On The Brink Of Eradication, Syphilis is Raging Again

In certain circles of San Francisco, a case of syphilis can be as common and casual as catching the flu, to the point where Billy Lemon can't even remember how many times he's had it.  หวย บอล เกมส์ คาสิโนออนไลน์

"Three or four? Five times in my life?" he struggles to recall. "It does not seem like a big deal."

At the time, about a decade ago, Lemon went on frequent methamphetamine binges, kicking his libido into overdrive and silencing the voice in his head that said condoms would be a wise choice at a raging sex party.

"It lowers your inhibitions, and also your decision making abilities are skewed," says Lemon.

He's sober now and runs the Castro Country Club in San Francisco, which is not a resort, but a place where gay men come to get help with addiction, especially meth. Lemon says syphilis comes with the territory.

"In the 12-step community, if meth was your thing, everybody had syphilis," he says.

In 2000, syphilis rates were so low, public health officials believed eradication was on the horizon. But the rates started creeping up in 2001, grew steadily for the next two decades, then spiked 74% since 2015. There were nearly 130,000 cases nationwide in 2019, according to data released Tuesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

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In California and the US, about half of syphilis cases are in men who have sex with men. More than a third of women in the western United States who have syphilis also use meth, a drug that has seen its own surge in recent years.

These are just some of the trends causing overall national cases of sexually transmitted diseases to hit an all-time high for the last six years in a row, reaching 2.5 million. And the consequences are now trickling down to babies who are contracting syphilis from their mothers: these congenital syphilis rates nearly quadrupled between 2012 and 2019.

This was all before the coronavirus pandemic took hold in the US, and with contact tracers and testing supplies diverted from STDs to COVID, the CDC is predicting 2020 numbers will be no better.

"We are quite worried about this and have seen this trend over time," says Dr. Erica Pan, California's state epidemiologist. "Unfortunately, with years of not having enough funding and infrastructure in public health, and then in this past year, of course, both at the local and state level, a lot of personnel who had been focusing on STDs and syphilis follow-up have really been redirected to the pandemic."

Billy Lemon is executive director of the Castro Country Club in San Francisco, where gay men can get help with addiction. Lemon says that when it comes to methamphetamine use in particular, syphilis often comes with the territory.

Beth LaBerge/KQED

A number of factors are fueling the syphilis surge

There are many factors that contribute to the rise of STDs, and syphilis in particular.

In the gay community in San Francisco, for example, the rise of mobile dating apps like Grindr and Tinder made finding a date "faster than getting pizza delivered to your home," says Dan Wohlfeiler, an STD prevention specialist and co-founder of Building Healthy Online Communities, which uses these apps to improve gay men's health.

When the dating apps first came on the scene around 2009, they made it harder for disease investigators to track the spread of STDs and notify people who may have been infected, because men don't always know the names of the men they hook up with.

"They sometimes only know their online handle," says Dr. Ina Park, associate professor at UCSF School of Medicine and author of the book Strange Bedfellows, about the history of STDs. "And if the sex didn't go well, then sometimes they will block the person from their app and they don't even know how to reach that person again."

Online dating began back in the late 1990s, which was around the same time effective medications to prevent the transmission of HIV became available: first, antiretrovirals that suppress the virus in those who are HIV positive, and then later, in 2012, pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PreP, which prevents new infections in people who are HIV negative, but considered at-risk for exposure to the virus.

With the risk of contracting a deadly disease falling to almost zero, condoms fell even more out of favor than they already were, says Park.

"If one man is taking PreP and the other one is virally suppressed, there's no HIV risk at all," she says. "So why use condoms if you don't mind having a touch of syphilis?"

Diagnosing syphilis is tricky

While syphilis is not benign – it can cause blindness, deafness, or brain damage – it is easy to treat. Typically, a shot of penicillin in the butt will cure it.

But diagnosing syphilis can be tricky, says Park, who treats patients with STDs at the San Francisco City Clinic. She often finds herself crouched low in the exam room, "lifting up their scrotum and lifting up their penis," craning her head to get a look from all angles.

She does these gymnastics to find rashes associated with syphilis. Some are obvious, others subtle. She says doctors in regular family medicine clinics often aren't trained on where to look, or when.

"The patient came in saying, 'I'm tired,'" Park says, referring to a common symptom of syphilis. "How many people are going to say, 'Take off your pants and lift up your scrotum, I want to look? We only do that at the STD clinic because that's what we do."

But specialized public STD clinics, like the one where Park works, have been shutting down nationwide. One reason is persistent underfunding of public health programs, a trend laid bare during the coronavirus pandemic. Another reason is the Affordable Care Act. In a strange way, the 2010 law intended to expand access to health care actually contributed to the closure of STD clinics.

"Honestly, I think everyone thought they weren't going to be necessary," said Dr. Karen Smith in 2019, when she was the director of the California Department of Public Health. She says once Obamacare was in place, the thought was that STD testing would happen in primary care clinics.

"We sort of all assumed that if you've got health insurance and you've got access to a doctor, that's all that you need," she said. "It turns out that that's not really all that you need."

People still had affairs that they didn't want to talk about with their family doctor. And some family doctors didn't want to probe into their patients' sex lives. Young people, in particular, prefer clinics geared to them, out of their parents' purview.

"That loss of anonymous care really was a problem," Smith said.

The spread of syphilis is reaching newborns, too

When Christian Faulkenberry-Miranda decided to become a pediatrician, she never thought she'd become an expert in syphilis.

In 2010, shortly after finishing her medical training and starting work at the Community Regional Medical Center in Fresno, California, she began seeing babies with a rash on their tummies that looks like a blueberry muffin. At first she thought it was a common viral infection, until these babies tested positive for syphilis.

In those early days, Dr. Faulkenberry-Miranda saw perhaps a few instances of congenital syphilis each year. Now she sees two cases every week. It's important to start the 10-day antibiotic treatment right away, to avoid complications, but she still follows her patients through their first year of life, and often through their childhood, to watch for vision and hearing problems, developmental delays, attention deficits, and learning disabilities, all of which can result from congenital syphilis infections. In 2019, 128 of these congenital syphilis cases resulted in stillbirth or neonatal death.

"The disappointing thing is that syphilis is very treatable," she says. "This is something that's completely preventable, with proper screening and treatment of these moms during pregnancy."

Congenital syphilis cases hit a troubling milestone in 2019, increasing 279% over the previous five years, and hitting a high of cases in the U.S. That is more mother-to-child transmissions of syphilis than there were at the peak of mother-to-child cases of HIV in 1991.

"How could this be happening? Testing is cheap and widely available. The same treatment we've been using since the forties still works," says Dr. Park, who has also seen an increase in congenital syphilis cases in San Francisco. "And yet we have this completely out of control epidemic among the most vulnerable babies in our society."

Many of the women who give birth to babies with syphilis have had no prenatal care. They often use drugs – mainly methamphetamine – and they are often homeless, said Dr. Karen Smith, former director of CDPH. This makes them more likely to trade sex for housing, food, or drugs, prompting Smith to call congenital syphilis a "disease of despair." Drug use, in particular, makes women less likely to recognize that they're pregnant at all, and less likely to seek health care if they do.

"They're very concerned about what's going to happen when they're found to be pregnant and using drugs," said Dr. Smith. "They're concerned that their drug use will be reported and then CPS will be involved and their children will be taken away."

Romni Neiman is a veteran contact tracer with the CDC. Before she got redirected to COVID last year, she was working on STD prevention in California, including the problem of congenital syphilis. Neiman says when she tries to reach pregnant women who may have been exposed to syphilis, it's extremely challenging.

Neiman remembers looking for one woman in the late 80s in Chicago. She used drugs, was pregnant and had been exposed to syphilis. The woman's housing was so unstable, that Neiman went to three different places before finding her. The woman had no car, so Neiman offered to drive her to the clinic to get tested. The woman had no safe place to leave her toddler, because a man in the place she was staying was abusive, so Neiman took care of the child while the woman saw the doctor.

"She was just trying to do the best that she can, and she was really afraid," Neiman remembers. "Sometimes it's really taxing and really sad. And you come home at the end of the day and you're like, 'Wow. Wow.'"

Those challenges, combined with persistent underfunding for public health, is what led to the initial spike in congenital syphilis cases in Fresno County in the 2010s, says Park. Local contact tracers couldn't keep up, and the state had to step in with reinforcements. After leveling off for a couple years, congenital syphilis rates in Fresno spiked 900% in 2018.

The state is taking new measures to address the rates, says state epidemiologist Dr. Erica Pan, like requiring women to be screened for syphilis twice during pregnancy, instead of just once. And, rather than waiting for women to come in for prenatal care, the state is doing more outreach, and screening pregnant women in the emergency room, and in prisons and jails.

Dr. Pan believes the coronavirus pandemic has created an opportunity to invest in a more nimble response to emerging and re-emerging public health issues, like syphilis and congenital syphilis.

"It's been a really long, hard year responding to this pandemic, but people have really acknowledged and realized the impact of divesting in public health infrastructure," she said. "I hope that a lot of the resources that we hope to bring to bear in the longer term after this pandemic will benefit STDs as well."

[toongrrl-blog]

The Mommy Myth: Mouthing Off to Dr. Spock (Part One)

American Motherhood in the 1970s was undergoing a real revolution: the country had a 9% unemployment rate, 15% inflation rate, 18%-20% mortgage rates, and President Ford wanted to whip inflation and the most rapidly growing segment of the workforce was mothers with preschool children (Hi Joan Holloway and Kevin, Hi Joyce Byers and Jonathon and Will). In 1970, 40% of married mothers worked and in 1984, 59% of married mothers worked. In 1970, only 24% of mothers with a child one year old or younger worked and in 1984 that jumped to 46.8% Black married mothers were more likely to be in the workforce than white counterparts (won’t be surprised if Mrs. Sinclair had worked outside the home in contrast to Karen) and single-parent households increased by 79% during the 1970s and 90% were headed by women. 

Back then there were few daycare centers, no maternity leave (paid or unpaid), no flex time, no after-school programs, and not the Family Leave Act (mothers still call in sick to watch a sick child) and the VCR and microwave weren’t widely available. 

“This generation of women, who are now approximately 50 years old and older, who raised kids in the 1970s and beyond--these are the ones who are great. It is because of them that companies even established daycare centers, that there are tax deductions for childcare expenses, that there is maternity and even paternity leave (however paltry), that there are now baby seats in supermarket carts. If you are one of these mothers, and your now grown children are even remotely functioning, stand up and take a bow.” The Mommy Myth (2004), Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels

Media centering on motherhood, from women’s magazines to sitcoms, family films were all frozen in 1957. At the same time there was more research being performed on children and infants, to assist in advice columns for moms raising their kids in different circumstances than their parents raised them. But the columnists were often serving mom guilt and had stay in the kitchen attitudes and sitcom moms hardly got angry with their kids and were always soothing and gentle like Mrs. Brady and Mrs. Walton and unlike Flor.

Sitcoms were holding a smaller mom revolution: Maude Findlay (also a grandma), Florida Evans, Ann Romano (the OG One Day at a Time), and Alice Hyatt had feminist inspired barbs at their bratty kids, nosy neighbors, and men while advertisers came out with the supermom. Hollywood mostly focused on alienated young men like Dustin Hoffman and Jack Nicholson while movies targeting women mostly stayed stagnant. 

One movie that focused on the misery of the mid-century housewife as she dealt with being economically dependent on her husband, mindless housework, how she was expected to put her needs and wants on the back burner, and of how men acted like they were so dumb. Diary of a Mad Housewife focused on Tina Balser, a Smith alumni who is married to a man named Richard, who manages to fuse together the worst traits of Ted Wheeler, Lonnie Byers, Pete Campbell, and Don Draper together. He’s an up-and-coming lawyer who preens and condescends and insists his wife cracks ice instead of serving it cubed and dictated Thanksgiving dinner (he doesn’t cook it though) and only wanted Danson Plum preserves on his toast and starts the film complaining about Tina being too skinny and her ability to do things the way he wants and dissed her ability to make a 4 minute egg to their bratty daughters (all the combined bratty traits of Nancy and Mike Wheeler and none of the intelligence, empathy, and passion that drives these characters). 

The lesser known Barbra Striesand vehicle Up the Sandbox opens up with one mother telling another: “I’ve read all the child psych books. To be a good mother you gotta learn to eat shit” (few shit has changed it seems). Based on an novel by Anne Roiphe, the story focuses on Margaret a mother of two who loves her kids but wants to do more than stay home and is....pregnant again. She has wild fantasies that makes Doug Funnie look less...funny like debating with Fidel Castro about the status of women and having a love affair with him and blowing up the Statue of Liberty with Black militants or presumably confronting her husband’s secretary/co-worker if she’s having an affair with him. After they went to a party where busty young women fell over him because he was so interesting and he made a dismissive comment about a female Ph.D candidate who wanted to have one kid and go back to work, is where Margaret tells him off:

A woman like me works twice as hard, and for what? Stretch marks and varicose veins. You’ve got one job, I’ve got ninety-seven. Maybe I should be on the cover of Time---dust mop of the year, queen of the laundry room....(where she can’t live up to his colleagues or her mother) I’m a zero, a nothing” and when he said she can do more and be happy, she tells him off more “Did more? I sew. I squeegee. I spend hours waiting in line for a sale on baby sandals just to save a few pennies...I’m an errand boy, a cook, a dishwasher, a cockroach catcher, and you say I’d be happy if I did more.” Karen, spin that shit!

Women’s magazines had a new challenge: so you gave advice for decades about how moms can beat diaper rash, crochet covers for your toilet seats, and make a birthday cake in the shape of a character your kid liked but now there are sentiments challenging the conventions of marriage and parenthood, what do you do?

In 1973, Redbook magazine had a poll saying 9/10 respondents knew women earned less than men for the same work, 3/4 thought the media degraded women, a large majority believed women were second-class citizens, and 2/3 supported the Women’s Movement. Also more of them were working or joining the workforce, even with small children and more were divorcing and looking for childcare and to pay the bills and wanted a break. The shithead experts said no the latter. 

Mom’s can’t be overprotective but protective enough.

You can’t be over-attentive in your kid’s lives but make them feel loved and always wonderful.

You need them to be independent, but always taken care of.

Can’t be too strict or permissive.

You need to be light-hearted.

Those were the rules many mothers of Gen Xers and Baby Boomers were under (and still the same now). Dr. Spock was singled out, he was the most influential of these experts with his famous book coming out in 1946 (the first year of the Baby Boom) and his advice dominated the magazines in the 1950s and 1960s. He dished out mom guilt for working outside the home or not weaning babies before they were one year olds and that leaving kids with a “mother substitute” would make them needy (so not even date night?). Also you had to be bonding with your kids properly (all while moms were dealing with doctors up against the natural childbirth movement) and even an hour may not be enough. Also normal women were sad when kids weaned themselves off the breast! Any misstep in your kids will fuck them up!

In Part Two, I will go over Bruno Bettelheim and the backlash against the Women’s Movement and the revolution in Motherhood.

[arakarama]

A comparative study on stunting in under five years children. A secondary data analysis of Rwanda demographic and health surveys of 2005, 2010 and 2014-2015.

1. Research questions

−         Is there any statistical difference between the prevalence of stunting in 2005, 2010 and 2015?

−         What are the associated factors with stunting in under five years children in Rwanda?

 2. Rationale of the research

Good nutrition allows children to grow, develop, learn, play, participate and contribute (UNICEF, WHO and Group, 2017). The term malnutrition is an umbrella which includes both over-nutrition and  under-nutrition(Castro, 2016) and  addresses three broad groups of conditions: undernutrition, which includes wasting (low weight-for-height), stunting (low height-for-age) and underweight (low weight-for-age); micronutrient-related deficiency, which includes a lack of important vitamins and minerals  or micronutrient excess; and overweight, obesity and diet-related non-communicable diseases (such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes and some cancers)(WHO, 2018a).

Until 2017, approximately 156 million of the world’s children under the age of 5 are stunted, with an estimated 80% of these children concentrated in only 14 countries.

Rwanda has experienced one of the fastest declines in stunting prevalence in the Eastern and Southern African region even if the prevalence of stunting remains high. This country also represents an opportunity to explore the effects of strong high-level political commitment and decentralized stunting reduction efforts (USAID, 2014). The Government of Rwanda demonstrated its commitment to improving nutrition through the institution of various national policies and initiatives.

 The Ministry of Health (MOH) implemented the National Multisectoral Strategy to Eliminate Malnutrition (2010-2013) and a comprehensive joint action plan to fight malnutrition under the Office of the Prime Minister, which provides a common results framework for nutrition. Multisectoral nutrition committees were established at central and local levels, bringing together mayors, district directors of health, nutritionists, agronomists, and officers from social protection, veterinary, hygiene and sanitation sectors (USAID, 2014). The U.S. Government provided support for the implementation of the national nutrition strategy at the district level in 2012. A national multisectoral Food and Nutrition Policy and Strategic Plan for 2013-2018 was completed in October 2013 to guide the Government of Rwanda and development partners in the implementation of nutrition activities with a multisectoral approach to address stunting. The policy and the strategic plan is aligned with the Economic Development and Poverty Reduction Strategy (EDPRS II, 2013-2018) that aims to push Rwanda’s economic growth to a middle-income-status country by 2020, and a nutrition indicator was introduced in the EDPRS II to reduce the chronic malnutrition.

In September 2013, the Government of Rwanda, in conjunction with development partners launched a 1,000 days campaign to increase awareness of improved maternal, infant and young child feeding practices.

Stunting is still a danger to child survival and development by contributing to child mortality, morbidity, and disability, including impaired or non-optimal physical growth and cognitive development. An inadequate intake of proper nutrition for a longer period of time can lead to stunting in a child (Branca and Ferrari, 2002). The global nutrition community still increases its focus on stunting.

 Country selection by UNICEF (2017) considered the range of country contexts where stunting is widely prevalent, giving attention to development settings and to contexts affected by fragility and humanitarian emergencies. Rwanda was selected as one of the two case study countries for the Eastern and Southern African region among the range of country contexts where stunting is widely prevalent. Its selection was due to the fact that it has experienced one of the fastest declines in stunting prevalence in the region although the prevalence of stunting remains high (UNICEF, 2017).

According to the Rwanda Demographic and Health Surveys, the prevalence of stunted children under five years decreased from 51% in 2005 to 38% in 2015.  Rwanda has adopted its own development strategy via the Vision 2020 framework for development, which aims at transforming the country from a low-income agriculture-based economy to a knowledge-based, service-oriented economy with a middle-income country status by 2020. Since 2005, 13% reduction in stunting prevalence proved important improvements in Nutrition in Rwanda up to 2015.

Rwanda in its achievement of Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) targeted to reduce the stunting prevalence of children under five years to 24.5% by 2015 but unfortunately this was not met. On the path to reduce the stunting prevalence of those children, the Government of Rwanda decided to eliminate malnutrition by implementing the 1,000 Days nutrition campaign in 2013, with financial, technical, and implementation support from UNICEF (UNICEF, 2014). The campaign reached all 15,000 Villages in the country through social mobilization focusing on maternal and child nutrition and the role of men in the nutrition of women and children. MOH was mandated to coordinate the implementation of the multisectoral NSEM 2010–2013 and a comprehensive Joint Action Plan to fight malnutrition under the office of the President. The strategy had the following eight components (UNICEF, 2014):

1.       Strengthen identification and management of undernutrition

2.       Strengthen and scale up community-based nutrition programming (CBNP) to prevent and manage malnutrition in children under the age of 5 years, with focus on those aged less than 2 years, and in pregnant and lactating mothers

3.       Elimination of micronutrient deficiencies

4.       Multisectoral District Plans to Eliminate Malnutrition (DPEMs)

5.       Prevention and management of nutritional deficiency and excess-related diseases

6.       Behavior change communications

7.       Coordination of nutrition partners

8.       Monitoring and evaluation for nutrition activities at all levels.

 The RDHS 2014-15 reported that many improvements have been made by the Government of Rwanda to reduce the stunting prevalence among children under five years of age before 2015 but the prevalence of malnutrition (stunting) was still high, and there was a need for more intensive interventions(NISR and MOH, 2016).

 3. Potential implications

The purpose of this study is to compare statistically the stunting prevalence rates from the RDHS surveys over the last decade and to identify the common stunting determinants to look for a way forward. It is in this regard that results and suggestions from this study are intended to be used to inform public about the progress in achieving the stunting reduction in Rwanda; to bring to the attention of the Rwanda government and stakeholders (NGOs, private sector, and donors) in hunger and poverty reduction about the reinforcement of adequate interventions to reduce stunting in children under five years of age in Rwanda (SUN, 2015).

 4. METHODS

4.1.  Study area

The data for the three DHS studies were collected in Rwanda by National Institute of statistics of Rwanda (NISR) in collaboration with the worldwide Demographic and Health Surveys Program. The population of study was taken from the three Rwanda Demographic and Health Survey (RDHS) of 2005, 2010 and 2014-15.

4.2.  Study design

Given that the aim of this work is to compare secondary data from three cross-sectional studies provided by the Rwanda Demographic and Health Surveys of 2005, 2010 and 2014-15, the study design for this dissertation must be a cross-sectional design.

4.3.  Specific objectives achievement

 The specific objectives of this study will be achieved as follows:

a)      To compare the prevalence rates of stunting in Rwanda with data reported in the Rwanda Demographic and Health Surveys of 2005, 2010 and 2014-15, we will use datasets downloaded from the DHS Program website (https://dhsprogram.com/data/dataset_admin/index.cfm). These secondary data will be analyzed using SPSS version 21.0.  Chi-square analysis and Marascuilo Procedure were used as statistical tests to compare the prevalence rates of stunting in children under five years as reported by the RDHS of 2005, 2010 and 2014-15.

 b)      To find out stunting determinants considered in the three RDHS surveys in question that have contributed to the change in the prevalence rate of stunting in Rwanda in the last decade, bivariate and multivariate logistic regression analyses will be performed.

  4.4.  Study variables

4.4.1.      Dependent variable

The dependent variable for this study is stunting.

4.4.2.      Independent variables

The independent variables for this study are the factors of stunting namely:  

a)      Socio-economic and demographic factors

b)      Child caring practices

c)      Child characteristics

d)      Environmental Health condition

4.4.3.      Analysis plan

The SPSS version 21.0 will be used to analyze the dataset from the DHS Program website. The chi-square test of independence will be used to determine the association between stunting and the explanatory variables to compare the prevalence rates of stunting in children under five years as reported by the RDHS of 2005, 2010 and 2014-15.

The identification of factors associated with stunting is performed using the binary logistic regression model and a systematic comparison of the three RDHS surveys reports will help in identifying the factors which remained constant and those which disappeared during the last decade from 2005 to 2015. In addition, we will set the significance level at 0.05 with a confidence level 95% for the confidence interval.

5.1.  Study population

The subjects were all under-five years children completing the criteria considered by the RDHS 2005, 2010 and 2014-15.

5.1.1.      Sample size calculation

The sample size for the 2005 RDHS was 3,859 children under five years of age who met the defined criteria. For the RDHS 2010, the sample size was 4,356 children under five years of age who were eligible to be measured for weight and height and had complete and valid anthropometric data collected. The sample size for the RDHS 2014-15 was 3,813 children under age 5 who were eligible to be measured for weight and height and who had complete and valid anthropometric data collected. All the samples of the three RDHS studies are covered 12028 eligible children under five years of age.

 Frequency statistics were used to calculate the number of children and women under consideration that was found in the DHS datasets where the Individual Recode (IR) file contains Individual Women's Data and the Children's Recode (KR) contains the Children's Data(DHS, 2006, 2012, 2016).  The Individual Women's dataset has one record for every eligible woman as defined by the household schedule. It contains all the data collected in the women's questionnaire plus some variables from the household. In this file, we can find records of up to 20 births in the birth history, and up to 6 children under age 5, for whom pregnancy and postnatal care as well as immunization and health data were collected. The unit of analysis (case) in this file is the woman.

 The Children's Recode (KR) dataset has one record for every child of interviewed women, born in the five years preceding the survey. It contains the information related to the child's pregnancy and postnatal care and immunization and health. The data for the mother of each of these children is included. This file is used to look at child health indicators such as immunization coverage, vitamin A supplementation, and recent occurrences of diarrhea, fever, and cough for young children and treatment of childhood diseases. The unit of analysis (case) in this file is the children of women born in the last 5 years (0-59 months).

 5.1.2.      Sampling techniques

The target population for this study is all children under five years of age living in residential households as defined by the DHS Program (ICF International, 2012). Every individual of the target population should have a chance to be selected to prevent bias. A sampling frame is designed by dressing a list of enumeration areas (EA) with measures of size (population and/or households) covering the entire population from which the study sample is drawn. The sampling frame in DHS surveys provides a complete list of clusters.

 After designing a sampling frame, the next step is to design a sample stratification. This is a process of grouping the enumeration areas into homogeneous subgroups (e.g., urban/rural) before sampling. The late step allows flexible design and a representative sample to be drawn for each stratum or subgroup.

5.1.3.      Data collection procedures

Data collection procedures for this study follow the ones for the DHS surveys. Each DHS Program survey collects data in four phases: (1) Survey Preparation and Questionnaire Design: This is the first step involving sample design and survey questionnaires development to meet specific host-country needs. (2) Training and Fieldwork: This is the second stage involving training field staff and conducting fieldwork. It is in this stage to identify eligible households and interview individual respondents. Several teams composed of interviewers, field editors and team leaders carried out the fieldwork. (3) Data Processing: This is the third stage involving data processing (editing, coding, and entering and verifying the data) as well as checking them for consistency. Data entry and editing take place at the same time with data collection. Preliminary results are rolled out one month after the end of data collection and the data processing allows for quality control of the data collected. (4) Final Report, Data Preparation and Dissemination: This is the final stage involving the analysis of the data, preparation of the final report, and dissemination of the survey results in country where the survey is conducted, and usually begins following the completion of fieldwork (DHS, 2018b).

5.2.  Materials

Rwanda Demographic and Health Surveys collect data using different tools and techniques, namely questionnaires (Household questionnaires, Woman’s questionnaires, Man’s questionnaires), anthropometry (Height and weight for women, men, and children), and Biomarker testing (Anemia, HIV, and Malaria testing).

 In the RDHS-2005, three questionnaires were used namely the Household Questionnaire, the Women’s Questionnaire, and the Men’s Questionnaire. Their content was based on model questionnaires developed by the MEASURE DHS project (DHS, 2018a). These questionnaires were translated from English into Kinyarwanda (NISR, 2015).

 In addition to questionnaires, the three considered RDHS included anthropometric components in which children under age 5 in a subsample were measured for height and weight. A lightweight electronic SECA scale designed and manufactured under the guidance of the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) was used for weight measurements. That scale allowed for the weighing of very young children through an automatic mother-child adjustment that eliminated the mother’s weight while she was standing on the scale with her baby. A Shorr measuring board produced under the guidance of UNICEF was used for height measurements. Two types of height measurements were used: recumbent length where children younger than age 24 months were measured lying down on the board was used, and older children were measured using the standing height method. These measurements were used to determine the three internationally accepted indices (Height-for-age [stunting], Weight-for-height [wasting], Weight-for-age [underweight] and to reflect the nutritional status of children.

[southoftheborderx]

178.

“Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence.” ― Dorothy Dix

A petite brunette, starkly thin and physically haggard, slipped from the shadows and gazed around for a moment like a predator about to approach its prey before she moved. Each step was filled with exhaustion but she was determined. The drugs were wearing off and she could feel the desperation for them in her veins. The withdrawal was starting but she needed to come to terms. Where had the last seventeen years gone? She was about to be out of her thirties, she was too old for this life and the regrets were swimming in her head as the high wore off. The thoughts were too powerful and she couldn’t numb them anymore. She had lost everything for this and what had she gotten out of it?

Her shoulders dropped, the weight of her guilt washing even stronger over her as the church came into view. Despite being from a devout Catholic family, she hadn’t been in a church since her confirmation. She could remember how her mother’s eyes were shining with pride and her father, a man of few words, had cried. She had been their immaculate hope, the joy of their marriage. They had struggled to get pregnant and they had called her a miracle baby. She’d shamed them, she’d left them and she’d let the drugs try to replace them.

It seemed surprising that she didn’t burst into flames as she opened the door to the church. Her eyes remained downcast, as she heard the sisters scurrying about. She didn’t hear what they were saying, she just remained focused. She came here to seek penance and that was what she kept repeating to herself as she made her way down the long hall towards the confessional. Her parents had made her go when she lived in their home, it had been a ritual act whether she’d accidentally eaten before saying grace or the one time she’d stolen a guava from the market. She’d just been so hungry and they hadn’t had much.

Her cheeks flushed at the memory and she straightened, taking a breath to try to quell the exhaustion. Now, entering the confessional, she hesitated. How did she do this again? Her eyes fell on the open booth and she took another shaky breath before she entered, taking a seat. It took another moment to adjust. Suddenly, she felt claustrophobic. The booth was small and her secrets were making it impossible to breathe.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been…” She paused, hands clasped in her lap as she wondered exactly how long. “Almost twenty years since my last confession.”

“And why have you come now, my child?” The voice of the priest surprised her. He sounded young. Perhaps not too much older than Valentina would be now.

“The Catholic guilt worked up.” She let out a chuckle at her own joke but it sounded hollow.

There was a moment of silence between them. She didn’t know how to start. She could barely remember how this worked. Maybe she just had to start talking, to just start admitting her sins. It should’ve been so easy but there were far too many sins. How could she account all the sins of almost twenty years? How long could she even be in here? The thoughts were rushing through her head and she just didn’t know where to begin. She squeezed her hands together as if it physically hurt, teeth clenching.

“I met a boy when I was a young girl. He was older, he sounded so smart and articulate and I was totally taken with him. He told me stories about living on the streets and how he wanted to escape Cuba with me. How we’d move to America and start a family, flee Castro and…” She paused, recalling it as if it had happened a day prior instead. “I fell in love with him, I said yes and I left my family to be with him.”

“You left your family as a teenager?” The priest sounded surprised. “How?”

“I just packed a bag and snuck out in the middle of the night to meet him, I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think about Mama or Papa or my Abuelos, who were also living with us. I just had to be with him. I know it was selfish but I was a kid and I thought we were unstoppable. We would live the kind of life that I’d only read about in books.” She sighed. “But, of course, my blind faith in him was foolish. We were kids, we didn’t have a plan, we didn’t have any money, we didn’t have anything and we grew desperate. He… got involved with a street gang as a drug runner. The drugs were so valuable but he wasn’t earning the kind of money that people paid for them, he got the bare minimum and we tried to make the best of it but it just wasn’t enough.”

“Father, I knew it was wrong, I knew all of it was wrong but I was in love. We had premarital sex… a… a lot of premarital sex.” She blushed and shook her head. “And I got pregnant.” Her voice broke. “My parents struggled to have me and I got pregnant without even trying.” She sighed and took another moment. “We were just so young and I… I knew we weren’t ready but I was a Catholic girl, I couldn’t get rid of it. I… had to deal with the consequences.”

“So you had the baby.”

“I did, a baby girl. We named her Valentina. Valentina Pilar. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. She had those chubby cheeks and big eyes and she had a full head of hair.” The woman paused. “The birth had hurt so much, I had felt as if I was being torn apart and my… my boyfriend told me to use the cocaine on my gums to help numb the pain. He’d stolen a bit out of curiosity but I figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. And if I wasn’t snorting the drug, I wasn’t… I wasn’t using it, right? It was just to ease the birth.”

“You can imagine that the little bit of cocaine turned into more. Slowly but surely, we started to use it more. All of the money he had gotten from the job with the gang had given us a little… shack to live in but we could barely afford food, clothes, anything. So we stole what we had to and he kept stealing a little more of the drugs, figuring that they wouldn’t notice. As our addictions grew, we became so focused on them that we began to neglect our daughter. We’d lose track of time and she’d be soiled. I wanted to be a good mother, I swear I did. All I ever wanted was to fall in love, get married in the church with my father walking me down the aisle and having a big family but my plans changed.” The priest was surprised by her candor. Most of the sins people came to confess were jealousy or lust or things that seemed so innocent in comparision of the tale the woman was telling. He wondered how he was going to tally all of the sins. She’d only begun the story and there were so many. He couldn’t help but wonder why a woman who had fallen into that life of sin would return to church and he wondered too what had become of the baby. “Did your baby…?” He offered a leading question.

“No, she was a strong girl. She seemed to fight every obstacle, though she would make us plainly aware of her discomfort with her strong lungs.” She chuckled again, recalling Valentina screaming and crying. It had been the only way they would notice her. “The gang became aware of the missing drugs. We had gotten too greedy and The customers were reporting that they were being ripped off and…” She sighed. “All signs pointed to Emilio.”

“That was his name, the baby’s father, my boyfriend. They wanted him dead for it but I couldn’t raise the baby alone. I begged him to let me meet with them and he, eventually gave in. I pleaded his case, told them that we’d just had a baby and our child needed both of her parents so they cut me a deal. I had to cover his debts. But I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have any skills but we were just so destitute at that point that I was desperate and I agreed to prostitute myself as long as it would take to cover what he’d stolen. I figured, at that point, it would just be a few times and then we could forget it ever happened. Maybe he’d find a job at a shop or the market and we could pretend this never happened.”

“How many times was it? How… did…” The priest was at a loss for words.

“I remember the first client. He was older, he had a moustache and he smelled awful. He hurt me and I couldn’t do anything. I just had to take it for Emilio, for Valentina. I kept promising myself that it would be over soon. Some of the other prostitutes told me that they got high before they did it because it numbed the pain so I did too. We were already in debt, what did it matter? But it is a slippery slope, the more I got high, the more we owed and the more I had to let men use my body. And then, suddenly, my daughter was no longer a baby. And Emilio…”

“What happened to him?”

“They shot him.” Her voice was tiny as if she couldn’t get enough air in. “They found him at home and they murdered him as he slept right beside our daughter. I came home to my little girl screaming and the love of my life dead, his blood staining our bedsheets. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know anything. I just knew that… there was no way out. I couldn’t return to my parents, I didn’t have any friends or anyone else to depend on so I kept… on. They would say that my daughter was next. That they would break her in. They would threaten her to keep me there and I was so helpless that…” Her eyes welled up with tears.

“Why couldn’t you go home? Your parents must’ve been so worried.”

“And bring the street gang to their door? To put a debt on them that they couldn’t pay? To bring shame to our family more-so than I already had? It simply wasn’t an option. I couldn’t let my daughter grow up in that life, I couldn’t let her see what I had become. She was six when I told her to leave. I knew it was wrong but I knew the only way she could live a better life was to not be my daughter. If she left… no matter how much it hurt, I knew that she would find a family to love her, to give her everything I couldn’t and… I just had to live my life with all of my regrets because it was my fault that she wouldn’t get everything that she deserved. And I know that we should’ve been married in the church, we should’ve established a life first but that little girl, she was my pride and joy. I just had to become the mother that she deserved.”

“And where is she now?”

“I don’t know.” Tears were streaming down her face now. “I have no idea what became of her and I don’t know how I will find out. I just hope she’s okay, that she isn’t scarred by the sins of her parents and that she is living a good life. I want her to have the life that we couldn’t give her because she was our immaculate hope. She was my perfect little girl and I had let her down.” Her hands reached up to wipe her eyes as she clenched her eyes shut to try to stop any more tears from falling. “I told myself that I need to get clean and get on the right track. My daughter is out there and I need to find her, I need to become the mother I should’ve been. It might be too late because she’s a grown woman now but… I hope she understands.”

“I hope so too.”

[rockislandadultreads]

Book Recommendations: More Moody and Compelling Reads

Chouette by Claire Oshetsky

Tiny is pregnant. Her husband is delighted. “You think this baby is going to be like you, but it’s not like you at all,” she warns him. “This baby is an owl-baby.” When Chouette is born small and broken-winged, Tiny works around the clock to meet her daughter’s needs. Left on her own to care for a child who seems more predatory bird than baby, Tiny vows to raise Chouette to be her authentic self. Even in those times when Chouette’s behaviors grow violent and strange, Tiny’s loving commitment to her daughter is unwavering. When she discovers that her husband is on an obsessive and increasingly dangerous quest to find a “cure” for their daughter, Tiny must decide whether Chouette should be raised to fit in or to be herself - and learn what it truly means to be a mother. Arresting, darkly funny, and unsettling, Chouette is a brilliant exploration of ambition, sacrifice, perceptions of ability, and the ferocity of motherly love.

I Was Never the First Lady by Wendy Guerra

Nadia Guerra's mother, Albis Torres, left when Nadia was just ten years old. Growing up, the proponents of revolution promised a better future. Now that she's an adult, Nadia finds that life in Havana hasn't quite matched its promise; instead it has stifled her rebellious and artistic desires. Each night she DJs a radio show government censors block from broadcasting. Frustrated, Nadia finds hope and a way out when she wins a scholarship to study in Russia. Leaving Cuba offers her the chance to find her long lost mother and her real father. 

But as she embarks on a journey east, Nadia soon begins to question everything she thought she knew and understood about her past. As Nadia discovers more about her family, her fate becomes entwined with that of Celia Sanchez, an icon of the Cuban Revolution - a resistance fighter, ingenious spy, and the rumored lover of Fidel Castro. A tale of revolutionary ideals and promise, Celia's story interweaves with Nadia's search for meaning, and eventually reveals secrets Nadia could never have dreamed.

The Mighty Oak by Jeff W. Bens

Tim O’Connor is paid to be violent. He plays for the El Paso Storm in the West Texas Hockey League. People call him Oak. He’s been an enforcer for longer than his hip or shoulder or back have been able to hold together. He is a broken machine of gristle and rage. And he has been away from home for too long. He’s called back to Boston by his mother’s death. There he confronts a life he failed to live, a daughter he doesn’t know, and a body that is quickly breaking down. Still, he can’t conceive of a future without hockey, even as he chews oxycodone and Adderall to numb his injuries and steady his brain. When a brutal encounter with the police places him in the path of Joan Linney, a haunted public defender, and Kip, a boy with a brave face, Oak and his chance companions roam cold streets from Castle Island to Quincy Point, struggling to believe in a different future.

Seven Years of Darkness by You-Jeong Jeong

When a young girl is found dead in Seryong Lake, a reservoir in a remote South Korean village, the police immediately begin their investigation. At the same time, three men - Yongje, the girl’s father, and two security guards at the nearby dam, each of whom has something to hide about the night of her death - find themselves in an elaborate game of cat and mouse as they race to uncover what happened to her, without revealing their own closely guarded secrets. After a final showdown at the dam results in a mass tragedy, one of the guards is convicted of murder and sent to prison. For seven years, his son, Sowon, lives in the shadow of his father’s shocking and inexplicable crime; everywhere he goes, a seemingly concerted effort to reveal his identity as the reviled mass murderer’s son follows him. When he receives a package that promises to reveal at last what really happened at Seryong Lake, Sowon must confront a present danger he never knew existed.

[loveceit]

I did my best to research this, but there are a few sensitive subjects and I may have gotten things wrong.

The story of how he became Virgil Castro

Warnings: Aversion therapy, Project MKUltra, drugs, mentions of rape, self-induced miscarriage, neglectful/abusive mother, abuse including starvation and being locked away, mention of suicide, unhealthy behaviour/habits

Margriet de Haas was born in the states, but her family had migrated from the Netherlands. When Margriet was 17 years old, her parents sent her to a psychiatric establishment to receive aversion therapy after they found out that she was in an intimate relationship with one of her close friends.

For three months in 1957, Margriet received electrical shocks and was administered LSD without her knowledge. The LSD was not a part of the aversion therapy; instead, it was administered on orders from the CIA as part of their investigation of methods of mind control that could be used against Soviet spies. One of the male workers would inappropriately touch her while she was drugged and unable to fight back; even going so far as repeatedly raping her.

She returned to her family, unable to take care of herself as the aversion therapy had traumatized her. It was made worse by the discovery that she was pregnant. Margriet stole her mother’s knitting needles to perform an abortion. It worked, but she punctured through her uterus and had to be hospitalised due to intestine injury. She survived, but it was a close call.

Unable to enter the workforce and seen as a burden on her parents, Margriet’s father married her off to one of his co-workers’ son in 1962. She was now Mrs Margriet Braam.

Margriet became pregnant for the second time in her life at the age of 27. Her husband’s threat of divorce forced her to go through with it, and in 1967 she gave birth to a son - Jochem Braam.

While her husband did stay with her, he didn’t even try to hide that he was being unfaithful. Having gotten the child he wished, he would leave Margriet and Jochem for weeks on end with the excuse of business trips. She was left alone with a child that she had never wanted, and whose existence remembered her of men forcibly having their way with her. Margriet could barely stand to be in the same room as her son.

She never hit him, but she would forget to take care of him. Margriet would lock the door to his room and then go days without feeding him or bathing him. She barely took care of herself, and would instead be sitting in their living room, staring at the wall for hours.

The year that Jochem turned five, her husband filed for divorce. He had fallen in love with his newest mistress and wanted to have her as his lawful wife. Margriet took Jochem with her with the intent of taking both of their lives. She decided to let her son live and left him sitting alone as she drowned herself.

Jochem’s father never reported him missing, thinking it was just as well that nothing of Margriet remained in his life. When Jochem was found, he was sent into foster care and given a new name - Michael.

For the next ten years, Michael spent time in countless different foster homes. The foster parents were unable to connect with him, or they found him strange, or they were only in it for the money. At the age of 15, Michael had started thinking about simply running away, when the Castros took him in.

The Castros are a Mexican family, whose ancestors had become American only because the border had moved. Reyes and Dulce were kind and patient. They couldn’t have biological children, as Reyes was a woman that lived as a man. They taught him how to cook food from their childhood when they saw him lingering around the kitchen. They taught him their culture and gave him the love he had never gotten before.

Michael is 22 years old when he gets the news that his foster parents have both been murdered in a hate crime. Dulce’s sister is the one to deliver the news, and she holds him as he cries. They had been his only real family, and Michael decides to get his name changed in their honour.

Virgil Finlay had illustrated An Astrology Sketchbook. It had been Reyes' favourite book and the only thing that Michael took to remember his parents. He changes his name to Virgil.

For the next two years, Virgil travels around, never settling anywhere. He spends time with Reyes and Dulce’s families, and in clubs, and wandering the streets. He learns Spanish, tries drugs, and take odd jobs that might not be fully legal. He barely sleeps or eats.

And then, one night in 1991, Virgil walks into a coffee shop and meets Remy Dormir.

[thecomicsnexus]

2020 VISIONS #4-6 AUGUST - OCTOBER 1997 BY JAMIE DELANO, WARREN PLEECE, JAMES SINCLAIR AND DIGITAL CHAMELEON

SYNOPSIS

Jack Atlanta (daughter of Alex, from the previous arc), is a private dick in Nueva Florida.

During one of her virtual sex sessions, she is taken out by Greasy Claude, who doesn’t want to continue providing the service for her until she pays, but could work it out with a favor. She has to find his sister, Collette, who disappeared a couple of weeks before.

She goes to the morgue to investigate if her body showed up, and she finds something even worse, a body of a victim that has been completely altered by surgery. She is one of the victims of “El escultor”, the serial killer that operates on his victims.

She gets in trouble with Hector Cunoz (probably meant to be Cuñoz), the “inquisidor”, who is already in the case of “el escultor”.

Jack follows the trail of Collette through Loretta, a charitable organization helping runaway girls. Apparently, a philanthropist named Helena gave her a nice dress and sent her to a club (el jalapeño), no one heard from her since then.

She goes home and shaves her mustache, and proceeds to put on some protection (Snake Biter, an intra-vaginal rape defense system). Because you never know.

At the club, she meets Raoul Vargos (possibly meant Vargas), a suggestion from the club owner, Señora Resnick. She takes advantage of a moment of distraction (an orgy) to steal security footage.

Back at home, she goes through the footage and finds out that Collette and Raoul had a thing, and he gave her a piece of paper. She calls him to meet and give him news about Collette. Not knowing that Hector, el inquisidor, has been listening to her conversations.

When she meets with him, they go to a motel, but they are interrupted by Hector who starts “la tortura” on him. It turns out that Raoul, having a high sperm count, was part of a baby farm scheme, where women are kidnapped, impregnated and then, after giving birth, thrown out to the swamps as alligator food. He dies during the torture.

Jack starts investigating “La medica” Resnick, who used to be a plastic surgeon specialized in using parts on humans to make their bodies really unique. It didn’t end well, as these parts would often fall off and she went out of business. She calls her and tells her that she knows everything that happened, and she can keep quiet if she gives her a baby.

She finally meets with La Medica (with Hector as backup). While talking to her, she finds out that fetuses are actually taking early to grow them in vitro, but they keep the mothers for a while in a coma, to milk them. La Medica then tells her that they have Hector and proceeds to paralyze her. Now with both on the surgeon table, she asks them how they want to be changed (as she was very obviously “el escultor”). Hector says he wants to be a girl, and he wants to feel defenseless while she does that. Jack is not happy at all, so La Medica decides for fer, to make her impenetrable, and put shark teeth in her vagina.

While she operates on Hector, Jack can hear him say something she only heard during her virtual sex sessions, and realizes she has been having sex with him all along (virtually). When La Medica starts operating on Jack, the “snake biter” works as a charm, chopping off one of her fingers, and also poisoning her at the same time. The serial killer slowly dies and Jack’s paralysis fades out.

With the case resolved, she finally breaks into poor Hector that they had sex before.

REVIEW

So, Alex was a boomer and I have to conclude that Jack was a Millennial. It isn’t that clear in this saga, because one of the covers says she was born in 1990, but that wouldn’t have worked very well. She has been living 20 years in Nueva Florida and she had kids before that. Furthermore, in the previous episode, Alex says he had a daughter in the eighties, so she has to be a Millennial. And the first clue for this is how she is happy with just being able to please her desires. You know, as long as she gets some benefits from her job, it really doesn’t matter.

But I don’t think this story is so linked to that generation as the previous one. In fact, in many circumstances, this rebellion and identity-challenge, this desire to not be what society chose her to be, places her more into the Generation X. In any case, she kind of represents both generations. She fights for it, and she is able to live it (as we have been told before, generation X had to fight many battles for us to have what we want).

But no, I find this “crime” story to be more around the idea of pro-creation. I the futuristic year of 2020, not all men can make babies, and most women will give you diseases, so having kids became some kind of luxury. This wasn’t a perfect prediction as you can imagine, the world is very overpopulated and it is not stopping. But some other predictions did come true. Florida is losing land because of the seas rising, and yes, Fidel Castro died eventually, but Cuba is still its own country.

Beyond the idea of pro-creation, this woman has been scarred by her experience with pregnancy and then she had to give her kids away. She even has an aversion for having kids. Which makes sense, once you give babies away (because you cannot keep them), you will probably not think about having new babies. Maybe this trauma shaped her personality this way, making her want to be more like a man (who cannot get pregnant), and be very involved in virtual sex with a little bit of virtual torture (to others). She is a very complex character.

The one thing that annoys me is the mix of broken Spanish into everything. Do people in Florida speak like that? It is quite annoying. The choice of words that are spoken in Spanish are not always practical (in my mind, I will generally use words in English as they are shorter, but will switch to Spanish when I have a shorter version of the word in my own language). Again, it is possible that people do this in Florida. Or maybe they will in the next year?

Other than that, the identity of the killer here became pretty obvious in the last episode. Before that, there were some clues that suggested that the killer was a woman, but not enough evidence to be sure. It is a good crime story. Of course, not for everyone, like most Vertigo books, it can be a bit disturbing.

TO BE CONTINUED...