#cause like migraines tends to take me out the day after... and i still gotta keep fixing sleep schedule...

[saintedbythestorm]

Managed to shower so I would have a chance to do dentist on Friday... then just sat down in my bed afterwards... and now I'm getting a migraine... yeah I don't think I can do dentist on Friday....

[fanfic-cave]

Migraine

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 1.8k

Pairing: Hunter x GN!Reader

Warnings: War Flashbacks/implied PTSD, angst & guilt, people be crushing on eachother, is this fluff? perhaps...

Summary: You start with a normal day with TBB, when a migraine comes on and you relive your worst traumas. How do you cope, especially when it happens on the havoc marauder?

I came up with this idea when I was having a migraine the other day, and I kinda infused it with an OC I had thought up. I decided to leave it GN for the readers, but technically its a part of their story, if that makes sense. (I actually think the story is kinda cool so I might write up chapters we'll see...)

Leave feedback if you'd like! :)

Today started as a normal day for you. You made a trip to go visit the most interesting group around, The Bad Batch. They seemed to appreciate your company, and you enjoyed theirs. Often they expected you to come over and socialize for a good chunk of the day. You remember what a stark contrast this was from when you first met, each of them suspicious of you (well, except for Omega), and you skeptical of them. Once you asked for their help making a trip to Dantooine, you protected each other in battle, and the walls started coming down. Now you had each other's backs, you’d all proven it countless times.

Except you’re still lying to them. The unwelcome thought intruded your mind. You still haven’t told them why you’re really avoiding the empire.

*Y/N, did you hear what I said?* Tech spoke in Ryl. Once he heard you knew several languages from all over the galaxy, he enjoyed taking the opportunity to speak a different language with you.

You shook your head. “Sorry Tech, lost in thought, what did you say?” You had replied in common instead. He looked slightly disappointed at your doing so. “I asked you if you’d seen the improvements I made to your vibroblades yet.” You looked down and saw he had definitely made some adjustments. “Oh, no I haven’t. I need to try practicing with them.”

“You’d have better luck with a blaster.” Crosshairs voice came from down the hall. He shouldered past you, bumping into you intentionally. You laughed at his comment, massaging your forehead as an attempt to combat an oncoming headache. “Hah, do I need to remind you what happened when you let your snarky attitude get the better of you while I had my blades?” You managed to see him shake his head in response, the lights in the room suddenly started to bother you.

His voice became faint, you heard “Lucky … only close … shoot you.” His voice was coming in and out, and a harsh pounding pain began at the top of your skull. You gripped your head and tried laughing at Cross’s comment, you’re sure it was probably his usual attitude. You thought you heard Hunters voice coming down the hall, but you couldn’t make out words. You saw through squinted eyes Tech was analyzing your behavior, and his lips began to move.

Finally you had to squeeze your eyes shut, and voice as loudly as you could “Gotta go.” The lights seemed too bright, and your headache revealed itself as a full-blown migraine. The bright lights seemed to cut into you, making the pounding in your head stronger. You felt like a big fist was punching you from inside, trying to break your skull open. You stumbled down the halls and managed to find the bathroom, rushing in and shutting the door.

The pounding subsided slightly, now that light was absent. You groaned and settled yourself on the floor. Unwelcome thoughts began to flash through your head. Separatist forces engaging you and the battalion. BANG. Tanks firing. BANG. Dead clone troopers lying on the ground, their voice screaming. BANG. Your own body lying on the ground unable to move. BANG. Tears streamed down your face, both from the pain and the horrible memories.

A soft knock at the door pulled you back into the moment, and you realized you had been banging your head on the wall. “Y/N?” You heard Hunters voice on the other side.

“I’m fine.” You said weakly. “Headache. Give me a minute.” You heard voices on the other side of the door, and footsteps shuffling. The head pounding in your skull still continued, but the flashes were gone.

“Close your eyes.” Hunter spoke quietly now. You covered your eyes, not having the energy to argue with him right now.

You heard the door open and he walked it, quickly closing the door. “What’s going on?” He knelt onto the floor next to you. You could make out his figure, and see a concerned look etched into his face now that your eyes adjusted to the dark. “Migraine. I’d like to be…” Alone. You tried to say it, but you couldn’t. You’d never had someone around when the pain was this bad, and part of you wanted him to stay with you the whole time. You gripped your head with both hands as a swell of pain surged through again.

Hunter gave you a moment to finish your sentence, once he realized you wouldn’t he sighed. “Let me at least put you somewhere more comfortable.” He spoke in a whisper, trying not to agitate you too much. He waited for a response. “Can you move?” You tried standing, pain swelled, and you settled back down. You knew it would only get worse when the door opened and the light would come through. You tried shaking your head. “I’m gonna carry you, okay?” He waited for an objection. “The light…” you breathed out. “Don’t worry, I'll handle it.” You heard him shuffle around, cloth moving, and then he gently wrapped a towel around your head. Your eyes were now effectively covered.

You felt one arm wrap around your back, his hand gripping your side, the other arm began securing you under your legs. In one fluid movement, Hunter lifted you up and your body was leaning against his. You pressed your towel-covered face into the crook of his shoulder, preparing to block out the light. You felt him take a sharp breath in as you pressed your face tightly against him. The door swung open, and you were relieved that you could see no brightness. The pain continued its pounding, but it began to dull. You felt comfortable and secure in his arms, and you realized nobody has ever taken care of you quite like this. You were suddenly grateful you had the towel on (which you realized had quite an unpleasant smell too), because it hid the blush that filled your cheeks.

Hunter's body swayed a little and you heard his feet move. Do I even weigh anything to him? You wondered, since he carried you so easily. Another door opened, and then shut. He took a few more steps, then you felt him adjusting your weight, beginning to set you down. He settled you onto a comfortable cot, a soft blanket underneath you. He gently rested your head down on the pillow, and removed your towel. The room was dark, darker than in the bathroom. You looked around and realized you were in Hunter's room. It was small, but it had enough room to fit you on the cot and him standing at the foot of the bed.

You both looked at each other for a moment, the pain lessening a little. “That towel smells.” You whispered. Hunter shrugged. You wrinkled your nose at him and then went to massage your forehead. You turned onto your left side so you could face him better, and fully relaxed into the bed. Although there was a slight stink, the bed smelled like him too. You pulled the blanket up a little to hide your face, and to take in the scent more. It served as a good distraction.

“Stay as long as you need to,” he said quietly. You heard him begin to shuffle out of the room. “Wait-” you reached out, not close enough to grab him, but the gesture caused him to freeze. You felt a slight surge of embarrassment, but ignored it. “Stay a bit. Please. I think it helps.” You saw his chest move up, like he was holding his breath. You wished you could see his face, to try and pick apart what he might be thinking right now. You continued massaging your head, moving to your temples now. You closed your eyes and tried relaxing, not wanting to pressure him by staring. You didn’t hear his movement, but the bed shifted, and you felt fingers move in between yours, and they began taking over the circular motions. You looked up and saw Hunter sat on the bed, a few inches in front of your body. You hoped he couldn’t see the color in your face change as he gently took over massaging your temple.

Although you were a little flustered by him doing this, you felt your heart flutter and your body relax to his touch. The pain was a soft thud now, and you could more easily ignore it. Your eyes had wandered away for a minute, but you searched for him again. You saw that he was watching you closely, and you thought he looked concerned, although his face seemed to betray no expression. The massaging turned into a head rub that went in circular motions all around and through your hair. It felt amazing and you sighed, resting your head more onto the pillow.

You watched Hunter for another minute. He never made eye contact with you, but you knew he was watching you, just as you were watching him. After a few more moments passed, you reached up to grab Hunters hand to stop his motions. He looked into your eyes questioningly. “Thank you, Hunter.” You smiled softly, and began to sit up on the bed. He hesitated, and then his hand retreated back. “Sure, we take care of each other here.”

What does this mean? You thought, as you both looked into each other's eyes. You had wondered at one point if there was something more to Hunter, or something more between the two of you. You both seemed to get along well, and you couldn��t deny there were moments you had. Tending to wounds, protecting each other in a fight, you wondered… Could there be something more here?

It doesn’t matter. I don’t deserve it. I don’t even deserve their trust.

You looked away from him and began to stand. “I should be getting back.”

“Already?” He seemed surprised. “Everyone will be back soon.” You remained silent. “I know Omega would like to see you.” You felt a sting in your chest as he mentioned her. Omega was your first friend in the group. Her innocent kindness towards you had been the beginnings of your relationship with everyone. You had a soft spot for her, just like everyone else seemed to. You managed to look back at him and smile softly “You’ll have to tell her hi for me.” You allowed yourself another moment to look at him. He broke eye contact fairly quickly and said “Alright then, fine.” You sighed and recognized that he was disappointed in your decision.

Could this be more?

The sting in your chest seemed to tug at you with this thought. “I’ll see you around Hunter.” You turned away and started to leave.

Maybe.

[chaosdisorganized]

I don't deal with chronic pain, I am only in a lot of pain on my period, which is so bad I can't do anything, it hurts from the waist down and I think it may have grown to my colon... I have had people getting upset with me, only causing me to feel worse, when god forbid, for a week out of the month, all I can do is sit in bed and get stoned because my pain meds don't work and it feels like someone is twisting my tendons and muscles from the inside... I have a job developer who is super pushy about deadlines and most of the time I am on top of it, but on days where I really need to be productive, its frustrating because that tends to be when my period starts..(I suspect I have endo and my doctors do too, I have a procedure next week I need to prep for relating to it...I can't take birth control because repressing my period represses my digestion... I have IBS symptoms with my endo..) How do you cope with folks acting like you are "making excuses" and "being lazy" when you are in pain? I feel guilty for being in pain and needing rest... I will not have something done by a deadline and sent a lengthy defensive email to my job developer about it. I am exhausted. I can't imagine how awful it must be to be in pain all the time, from the first till friday kicked my ass with pain. (I can only imagine what you deal with... My mother had chronic constant pain; 2 ruptured discs in her back, foot neuropathy, migraines, etc. Still doing 90% of the household chores regardless. I can't even fathom that. I think my pain might be genetic somehow...) I take strong pain meds and cannibus to cope, it takes me from a 10 to a five. Any tips on how to get others to understand, and being patient with yourself? My period got significantly worse after my mom died... I think trauma also causes inflammation and chronic pain and even ulcers in the body, so stress is no good, but i get stress about disappointing everyone. People are not very empathetic if you need to miss work or school for pain.... How do you get folks to understand?

Unless someone experiences it themselves they won't understand, unfortunately. Sometimes if im having a really hard time with someone not respecting my limitations ill do theatrics and act like im in more pain than I am (I have a high pain tolerance so a lot of times I can be in really bad pain but hardly making a face) groaning, crying, screaming, flinching, I just let it out. Usually that works. It's not an easy thing to cope with, I've spent my whole life being gaslight about my pain and people think I use it as an excuse to get out of things or being lazy and really fuck em. I'll tell them "you not believing me doesn't make my pain any less real" people seem to think if they don't believe you then you'll magically be cured for some reason? Idk. What's important is that you believe yourself, only you know your own reality. If your body is telling you you need to rest you gotta listen to it. If it's telling you to slow down, slow down. It's important to listen to your body because it will tell you what it needs, and in turn what you need. People won't ever understand until they're old and disabled from age. I know the feeling of not wanting to let people down, but those people gotta know your wants and needs come first. You have limitations and if they can't respect that then that's on them because your limits aren't going to change.

One thing I find really frustrating is how people expect you to get better and to find a way to do so. I can't take ibuprofen or acetaminophen because they make me sick and sluggish. Everytime I complain about pain it's always "take a tylenol" honey I can't take tylenol everyday nor are you suppose to. There's no way to make people understand, you know your truth and if they don't get it for whatever reason then fuck em. What they say doesn't change your truth or reduce your pain. You just gotta tell them to take it or leave it because it's not something you have control over and you can't push yourself past your limits, that'll only make it worse.

I hope that helped at least a little. I'm really tired and dissociative so I'm not thinking optimally.

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[thevoilinauttheory]

FFXIVWrite2020 Prompt #13 - Extra Credit

Character(s): Caromont Allard, Astrid Allard; a couple unnamed tutors and teachers. Setting: Sharlayan (Motherland); approximately 1475 of the Sixth Astral Era -- approximately 1480 of the Sixth Astral Era -- approximately 1494 of the Sixth Astral Era, just before the events of Prompt #22 What: Caromont is introduced to his new abilities, much to his dismay. Content Warnings: Explicit physical and emotional, familial, abuse; implications of trauma Author Notes: My spouse wanted more Caromont lore, so I used it as my extra credit prompt. Honestly, that’s all I gotta say. I had fun writing this one, because Caromont is my “enigma” character. Everything about him is hidden under the veil of the classic case of amnesia, but even if he does remember - no one ever knows, he doesn’t communicate if he’s remembered anything or not. So even in my private RP with my spouse, he’s still something of a mysterious character. --

Violet eyes cast a glance outside of the window of his classroom, it was a nice day. He was stuck here. Again. And again. And again. Everyday it was the same thing. When the click of a switch against the podium at the front assaulted his ears, he flipped the page of the book in front of him with no regard to the words written. Another snap, another page. There were whispers of other students beside him - he paid no mind. There were clouds to watch and he was far more interested in those. Crack, flip. Whap, flip. 

“Allard!”

The boy’s head whipped to the front suddenly, his attention drawn by the sudden shout of his name. When he realized it was just his teacher, his posture relaxed, eyes squinting into a pure sense of utter boredom. He exuded it as he slid his arm over his desk to rest his head on his fist. The eye contact showed that he was listening… at least more intently than before, yet he said no words. His teacher walked her way to his desk, snatching up his textbook.

“The answer to number four, please.”

A deliberate attempt to sabotage him, taking away the text he paid no attention to and asking a question on it. It would’ve made any student fluster, yet the boy didn’t flinch. He didn’t even blink. “Teleporting is breaking down your aether and confluencing it with the Lifestream, carrying you to your destination so long as you don’t break contact with your thoughts. There are dangers to teleporting, such as losing focus and losing self - where your aether cannot conjoin together. Other effects can be severe aether sickness, crystal sickness, and possibly ending up at a different location.” Before any words could be spoken, he continued. “Aether sickness is caused by an increased intake of aether, causing a variety of symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, migraines, dizziness, vertigo, and temporary blind and deafness. There is no known cure for aether sickness, and it’s recommended to just let it pass. If it does not, though, a transfer of aether can be used to reduce the amount of aether stored in another’s body.” A sharp inhale. “This can also lead to aether deprivation, where there is too low of aether in another’s body; causing malnourishment, lack of appetite, inability to move certain body parts, loss of certain bodily functions, and numbness - death, within a matter of bells or suns.”

His eyes turned back to the window. “Answers four, five, and six. I am paying attention, and I dislike that you are accusing me of not.”

His teacher let out a soft sigh, setting his book down, then returned to the front of the class - allowing the child to continue daydreaming in peace.

When his classmates filed out at the first sound of the bell, he gathered up his belongings slowly and meandered his way to the door. “Caromont.” “Mm?” “Stay here, your mother will be arriving shortly.” “What did I do wrong? I answered your questions, did I not?” She shook her head. “It’s for both praise and punishment. You’re above your class clearly, but it feels as if you’re not invested in this path.” “I am not, I would much rather be doing something else.” “Then why do you continue?” “My mother wants me to. It’s the best way to make money and take care of my family.”

There was another shake of her head, yet she gestured to the door. “Take a seat outside.”

When his mother appeared, near stomping down the hall; heels clicking- he hated that noise. She could afford nice heels, but not a proper bed for her children. Nice clothes, nice makeup. In his loathing, he neglected to realize she was right beside him and a hard yank on one of his ears made him cry out. “What did you do this time! Ungrateful child, I send you to school and you do nothing but get in trouble!” “I do not want to be here, regardless! Let go!” He tried to pry her hand off, but her nails caught the cartilage, causing a sob to break from him. “Stop!”

“Mrs. Allard, if you please.” His teacher caught her before a hand could crack over his face - a save he couldn’t have been more grateful for. She seemed to recognize the situation, then smiled. “There is naught for him to be punished. I wanted to give only praise and a proposition.” A change in her previous statement. “Is that right? Why didn’t you say so before?” His mother let go of his ear, following his teacher inside the classroom while he was left outside to tend to his injured and now bleeding ear.

“I wished to convey just how brilliant your son is, he is far ahead of his peers in his aetherology studies - and I believe he is ready to move on to higher skills. Might I suggest astrology? He seems keen on being outside, and studies regarding the stars would allow him that enrichment he needs. He could be Sharlayan’s greatest healer with just a bit more effort and motivation from outside sources, such as his family.” She stacked up some papers, sitting herself down at her desk. “I can provide the necessary documentation of his successes, and present it to the head of the board. He’ll be ready to move on by next moon. Until then, I would have him stay and take tutoring classes to help him further. No extra charge, I assure you.”

“I see… if you believe he’s got that much talent wasting away in him, I suppose moving him forward wouldn’t hurt. Tutoring - if he’s so brilliant, then why--” “Because he will be entering in the middle of the school year, Mrs. Allard, and he will need to catch up on everything his new peers have already learned. Just because he has mastered this class does not mean he is a born master of every other class. You expect too much of the boy, he needs to be nurtured, and he needs to grow; and I will be frank with you - you are stifling him. Do not get in his way, or you will be the cause of the rift between you and your family.”

--

“Take your reading now, Caromont - allow yourself to connect with the gates as we last practiced. Your first reading is always the most important, to see your progress.” His mentor sat on the other side of the desk from him, watching intently to Caromont’s now bright-eyed enthusiasm to his new path. He hadn’t thought of astrology - while Sharlayan was well known for their astrologians, he never considered something like that to speak to him.

The first card was flipped over. “The Spire.” He spoke softly, and he allowed the card to speak. It hurt at first. He rubbed at his temples and within a few seconds his head hit the table as if he had fallen asleep there. His mentor quickly stood to check on him, frightened that something might have gone wrong - but when his head snapped back upright with his eyes wide, he turned to his mentor in tears. “...I- I-... I am sorry… I did not mean…” “What is wrong, child? Dear heavens, I thought you had performed a spell wrong.” “N-No.. I just. My reading is for you… and this position is the past, with the Spire, and… I saw. I saw what happened, I…” “Saw? You saw the past with the flip of a card?” “I just wanted them to speak to me…” “Cards don’t speak, Caromont. The stars do. I think… we may need a different tutor for you. I do not know if there is anyone with your talent, but. I do know that we have a section of professors and students all learning about an innate ability we have called the “Echo”. I would like to make certain that if you do have the Echo, you have a proper tutor to teach you about it - despite the fact that it manifests differently in everyone.” He gestured to the cards again. “Sit upright this time, against the back of the chair instead of forward. Close your eyes after drawing the card.”

He followed. The next card was drawn. “The Spear.” Immediately, he closed his eyes; still the tears fell. He shook his head as his eyes opened again. “...Maybe I should not do readings on you… I see too much.”

--

“No, this isn’t the Echo.” “Are you sure? What other explanation could there be for such a talent?”

Caromont was the talk of the Studium. Professors and peers wanted to know more about his ability - this was the day that his enthusiasm turned to responsibility. He hadn’t realized it yet. 

“The stars speak right to him!” Those were the rumors. There had to be more, a person, or magic… something was doing this to him. He delved in libraries for years to tell him, what was he, what was he supposed to do? Everyday it was another person in need of help - everyday he had to make the choice whether someone should live or die - how heavy a burden on a man barely thirty winters old. Was this his fate and destiny? His cards were blank when he tried to read them for himself - like the stars only spoke through him, rather than to him.

He stood out in the dark, up at the sky did his eyes turn. He was never a wishful thinker, he was studious, uptight, he had to be the responsible one. This was the night he cried. He cried and he cried - how many more times would he have to sentence people to their deaths, how many more times would he have to tell people that there was nothing he could do. He would take the fates into his hands time and time again, always promising to never do so again. Everytime, the consequences of doing so would be worse than the original outcome - the fates ever escaping his grasp. He only wanted to help, why was he burdened with this responsibility?

[fairytellerxo]

A fluff piece where Angel finds a familiar face to confide in and be comfortable with. 

“Fine ass Angel Reyes.” The brunette cooed as she wrapped an arm around the man’s shoulders. “What brings you all the way here? Huh?”

Angel eyed the woman carefully before biting his lower lip slightly. “That face.” He smirked as he let the brunette lead him down the all too familiar hallway and into her private room. “Missed that face.

“Yeah?” She shrugged as she moved towards the bed and laid down. “So, missing my face made you drive all the way here to see me huh?” She held out her arms and grinned sheepishly at the handsome man. “Come on. Fresh bed. Promise.”

He nodded slowly as he kicked his boots off and shuffled lazily towards the bed before settling into it next to the brunette. “I thought you said you were gonna stop doing this shit.”

“That was the plan then my mom got sick and bills started piling up. So here I am.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “The bills are almost taken care of though. Figured three more months and I’ll be able to just work a normal full-time job. No more sleeping with guys.”

“We’ve known each other for a while, right?” He turned to his side and looked at her carefully. “Do you think I’m a bad guy or a good guy?”

She scrunched up her face slightly before it relaxed and she smiled at him. “Good guy. You have some bad traits but you seem to do everything with good intentions. Why do you ask?”

He let out an exhausted sigh. “I’ve been feeling off. Like I’m not doing shit right lately. My mind is all twisted up and I don’t really like myself all that much…”

“I’m sorry,” she ran her fingers over his cheek and frowned. “I’m here to listen if you need to vent and get it all out. We don’t even have to have sex. We can get out of here and we can hang at my place. It’s not that far from here. You’re my last visit of the night anyway.”

Angel sat up slowly, taking in the brunette again before he gave her a single nod. “I just realized that I’ve been coming here for years but don’t even know your real name. Pretty sure it’s not actually Carmela.”

She laughed as she wriggled into a pair of skin-tight jeans before shoving her feet into a pair of slides. “It’s for sure not Carmela but you never asked me about me before. We kinda just fuck and then I listen to all of your situations. Then you disappear for a while. I don’t ask questions and I don’t push.”

“Yeah but I’m asking for your name now,” he smirked at her. “Your name. What is it?”

The brunette piled her hair on top of her hair and smiled. “My name is Eztli.” She nodded. “Eztli Santamaria. There you go fine ass Angel Reyes. You got my name finally.”

He followed her out of the room and towards the exit. “Don’t you gotta check out with your pimp or something?”

She shook her head. “Check out with my pimp?” She laughed. “No. I don’t have a pimp. I can just come and go as I please. My clients book with me and not the front desk. I’m private.”

“So, you got a nickname or can I call you EZ number two?” He laughed as he stopped at his bike. “You need a ride home?”

“Do not call me that,” She shook her head again. “No, I drove here. Just follow me. I’m that red Impala.” She smiled at him. “Keep up if ya can.”

                                                           .

                                                           .

Eztli tossed her things onto the coffee table before stretching her arms above her head and glancing back. “Make yourself comfortable. Mi casa es su casa.”

“Does your mom live with you?” He looked around as he toed his boots off and left them by the door. “It’s nice.”

She shook her head slowly. “No, she passed.” She shrugged slightly. “I still have bills to pay though. I did all that I could to try to keep her but at the end, it was so bad, she just wanted to go peacefully and be pain-free. I had to respect that request. So, now it’s just me. Dad is off somewhere with a different family and living his best life. He showed face at her funeral but couldn’t bother to stick around to make sure that I was good.”

He nodded slowly, taking in the warmth that the home seemed to have. It was something that his own home lacked. This was welcoming, relaxing but most importantly it was familiar. It reminded him of everything his childhood home had been. The pictures, the smells, the stupid quilted blanket over the recliner. “You mind if I raid the fridge?”

Eztli smiled. “Follow me, I made enchiladas and rice before I left for work. It’ll all taste fine if you warm it all up.” She walked into the kitchen and pointed towards the oven. “Just, make yourself at home. I need to take a quick shower and decompress. There’s beer in the fridge and if you need to smoke, take it outside. Front or back, it doesn’t matter, just no smoking in here.”

“I know the rules, no smoking.” He pulled the pans out of the oven and set them on the counter before he sighed. “Hey, thanks for this, for being a constant even though I tend to blow you off and kind of treat you like shit.”

Leaning against the door frame, she eyed him carefully before shaking her head once. “It’s not that you treat me like shit Angel. It’s that you only seek me out when you have a troubled mind that cannot be eased.” She moved to him and kissed his cheek. “Sometimes you just need a familiar and welcoming face to ease your sorrows.”

His eyes fell on her, a smile playing on his lips before he pushed her away slightly. “Don’t be nice to me. I’m a bad guy.” He shook his head before pulling her back to him and hugging her tightly. “You know, I’d cause you nothing but pain and a few migraines.”

“I’m not trying to be with you, I’m trying to be here for you.” She rubbed the back of his neck lazily. “Eat then, I’ll draw you a bath or something. I’m sure I can dig up some sweats from my brother’s shit he left behind.”

“See, I didn’t even know you had a brother,” He looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “I’m shit.”

She shook her head. “Listen, you paid for sex then it started to be me listening to you talk about shit that was weighing on your shoulders. I love to sit and listen. I wanted to go to school and be a therapist, do the listening and advice shit for a living. I never made it that far though, I’m like a few classes short of the degree. My mom got sick really bad the first time and I dropped out of school and focused on her and working. Now, I guess since she’s resting in peace, I can kind of get back to shit I have always wanted to do. I never planned on being a whore. It just was fast and easy money for the situation I was in. See, my brother got out of jail, not too long ago, he was here to see our mom and be with her when she passed. Now he’s off and it’s radio silence. He’s bad with feelings and shit. Says it’s not real man shit but I think a real man shows his vulnerable side.”

“Anyone ever tells you that shit happens for a reason? I hated hearing that shit when my mom was killed. That didn’t need to happen.” Angel shook his head as he allowed the brunette to lead him out of the kitchen. “It wasn’t her time to go but fuck did it hurt when I lost her. I lost myself alongside with her. It really fucked with EZ though, he lost his way, ended up in jail trying to avenge her death. He’s out now though. I think that happened between that last I saw you and now.”

She laughed as she walked them through her bedroom and into the bathroom. “Yeah, I hate it so much but I get it. It’s what they think is the right thing to say. I do think that she’s in a better place than here.” She started to strip down before pausing to turn on the shower. “I guess it’s time for me to start my life again and get out of the whole being a whore thing. I like to think that I’m so much better than this life I got into.”

He watched her for a moment before reaching out and touching a scar on her left thigh. “That’s new. What happened?”

“Bad client,” She touched her thigh. “He got mad that I wouldn’t shove a finger up his ass while giving him a blowjob. So, he proceeded to bite my thigh when moved to grab my shit when he finished. Yes, a grown ass man bit the shit out of my thigh. Laugh it up, I know I did when I made sure he didn’t give me like rabies.”

“He bit you?” He laughed and shook his head. “I was hoping you got too into some sex thing and got hurt. Nah, you got bit because you didn’t wanna finger a dude’s ass. Get with the times Carmela.”

“Yeah, well, Carmela doesn’t like butt stuff. She’s not there yet.” She laughed as she stepped into the shower and sighed as the hot water hit her skin. “Eztli, maybe if she was in a long term relationship, she’d be open to butt stuff on her man.” She smirked as she watched Angel get in the shower. “Time to wash the day down the drain. We’ll have a fresh start after this. It’ll relax you. You’ll be good, I’m here for you.”

[niuniente]

So, some of you already know this, I have a chronic digestive health issue. I wanted to tell you people how MUCH it affects your health to have problems with your guts. Like, it took me almost 15 years to realize all the symptoms I had were due digestive issues, because I couldn’t connect the dots between health problems and food.

Obvious things are bloating (I get 4 times bigger than I am), gas and upset stomach but that’s not all. As your guts are the health organ number 1, bad guts affect your whole system. PHYSICAL - Lowered immune system. I catch colds easily if I hang around masses of people. I prefer to stay home. - Hormonal imbalances. The worst my gust and stomach feels, the worse my PMS and periods are. There’s a very straight line in this. - Headaches / Migraines. This is one of the first indicators that something I have eaten is not welcomed. - Acne/painful pimples. Especially before periods. I’m soon 35 so it’s not about being at the proper “pimple age” so to say. - Stiff shoulders and back. This is also one of the first indicators my diet is off. - Back pain and lower back pain. Warm pillow filled with oats and warmed in a microwave helps when placed on lower back. I sleep often like this. - Fever. This is caused most often by chemicals, too much red meat and all processed food with lots of additives and preservatives in them. Potatoes and starchy, fatty food can also give a fever. - Shakiness. If combined with the fever I can tell there’s a hell storm rising, and I better prepare to rest for the next 2 days at least. - Vertigo. If combined with shakiness I know I need to find a toilet and fast! - Swollen throat. Especially before periods when I’m otherwise bloated and swollen too. Does affect eating and swallowing badly. - Bad teeth. Due guts being in a poor state, my tooth get chipped, broken and infected easily. - Gum issues. See above. - Lack of vitamins and minerals. As I can’t eat freely and my guts are in a poor state, I need to make sure I get all that I need from supplements. I also suffer of chronic anemia but as medication makes my stomach upset, I take care of it with natural stuff. - Tiredness, fatigue, sleepiness. All energies are gone. I might struggle with opening a juice can which I can open easily on a good day. In bad sleepiness case, I can sleep 16h/day and still be sleepy. -  Feeling cold easily. I have lots of stuff which keeps me warm at home. This is also partly due anemia. - Clumsiness. I keep dropping things on the floor and knocking stuff over. - Heartburn. Rarely but happens. - No appetite. I don’t feel hunger. My stomach never growls no matter how long I’d stay without eating. I can’t remember the last time I was AAAH GLORIOUS FOOD NOM NOM! No wait, it was on November in Berlin when I had some delicious duck pieces. I tend to eat lots of yogurts, smoothies and soups as those are easy to digest and usually have some enjoyment factor in them for me. - Weight gain. Some lose weight but I gain it a lot. - Bad eye sight. Honestly, I would have never believed this but in my case it is true. When I cleaned my diet after 15 years of suffering, my eyesight got rapidly remarkably better. Now, when my guts have been annoyed after I have been introducing more ingredients to my diet, my eyesight has been rapidly gone worse. - Flaring takes hell lot of time to heal from. Then the symptoms flare aka I hit “the full food poisoning”, it can take 2-3 weeks to heal back to normal. Usually it asks the first 2-3 days sleeping and not doing anything. - Skin color is dull. I can tell from the mirror when my skin isn’t looking as bright and lively as it should. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL - Vulnerability. I feel weak, miserable and just want to crawl to sleep under something warm. I have multiple blankets and an eiderdown both for summer and winter use for this reason. - Brain fog. I can’t concentrate. I forgot things. I drop things here and there. It hard to stay grounded. Can’t hear what someone says because I can’t concentrate. - Apathy. Nothing inspires. Everything is dull. If this goes on too long, it turns into aggressiveness. Luckily it’s very rare! - Depression and anxiety. Everything feels overwhelming and simply stupid. Nothing matters. What’s the worst, I’m a very positive and optimistic person so this feels like I’m someone else. - Food is not a pleasure but an enemy. Eating becomes a score you need to do in order to stay alive. You don’t feel happy but just physically and/or psychologically sick or bad after eating. - Social events are BLAAH because you can’t eat freely there. I don’t eat out and don’t want to participate in social events which include eating (like pre-Christmas parties at work) - Guilty feeling for using so much money on food. When you can’t eat the cheapest but your guts demand the fresh and as natural food as possible, I sometimes feel bad that so much of my money goes to food. Like, can’t buy a bag of potatoes and bread for dinner, gotta buy an organic chemical & lactose or dairy free yogurt and organic tofu. Can’t buy the cheapest bag of hot dog sausages but must buy the luxury all-natural ones. Can’t buy cheapest lactose free ice cream with chemicals and additives but must buy the vegan ice cream with natural ingredients only (I make ice cream and sorbets myself but sometimes I just don’t have energy for them). - You just feel ugly. Honestly. Who does feel tremendously pretty and lively when they have a food poisoning? Exactly. When you are bloated, nothing fits you and everything hurts. You can tell from my face immediately when I’m sick and no make up or social mask can hide that. - Fear of upset stomach when you are out. I always need to make sure I know where public toilets are. If I have to go somewhere, I prefer not to eat before it if possible, or I have just a tiny tiny bite of something which is safe to have. Long flights and long traveling where getting from home to my designated house takes hours and hours is always scary, especially when I always travel by public transportation (I don’t have driver’s licence).

 I was on a strict diet, which consisted only 20 natural ingredients (including spices, which in my case were just salt and pepper, and drinks). I gradually cut stuff out from my diet. I was quite healthy and happy and yet it wasn’t good. Despite all the supplements, the diet started to affect my teeth negatively and I lost weight too rapidly. Besides, it was absolutely emotionally draining to eat the same 20 ingredients again and again. 

I started to introduce more food back to my diet 1,5 years ago and since then it’s been a slope back to the old worse; eyesight has gone worse, I have gained weight almost 10 kilos (22 lbs), my stomach is upset more often and my general health is BLAAH most of the time. I’m looking for a balance between this all and I hope I can find it.  My medication is to eat healthy and support digestion with silica mineral gel, which is a miracle thing to be honest. I also meditate and try to keep my life as stress free as possible, as stress affects my stomach immediately. 

This Bad Gut Issue runs strongly in my family, on both parents’ side, and especially bad on my father’s side. I have two siblings, both suffering from similar issues, but mine are the worst of us 3. I’m not sure what’s my case is, but lactose and starch, sugar and unnatural chemicals give me issues the most, as I told. A doctor suspected overgrown guts candida, which fits my case 100%, but as it’s not officially recognized disease here, I can’t get diagnose nor medication to it. So, I wanted to share this if there’s anyone out there suffering of odd health and mental health issues. It can be your guts andor your diet which doesn’t fit you. If you suspect this, the safest options are to cut out junk food, white flour, white sugar and dairy (lactose) out of your diet. After 2 weeks, if you feel better, then you know that you are sensitive for the food you cut out. When I started my strict diet, I noticed a change to better in 3 days.

[dmsilvisart]

@Jhoomwrites emoji fics

Here’s one of three emoji fics I wrote for @jhoomwrites emoji fic celebration.

Bless my beta @casthewise I may have given her a migraine.

I’ll post it to AO3 eventually.  

It’s under the cut

No warnings, destiel, dcj, smut implied but safe for work

Emojis:  Billiards, headphones, thinking face

In order to work his way through college part-time, Dean has been tending bar since Ellen hired him at eighteen. He’s seen their usuals drowning whatever demons kept them company; the folks just wanting a drink after a long work day, students looking for fun, people looking for one night stands--the broken hearted, they had their weekend pool leagues and dart leagues.

Then there was Blue Eyes, the guy just didn’t fit any of their usual types. For starters he never talked to anyone, except Dean, and even then, not much.   Every Friday, precisely at 7pm for almost a year Blue Eyes came into the noisy bar, took a seat at the high table in the middle of the room, put his headphones on, stared at his laptop and took notes for hours, typically leaving around 11pm. Weren’t there libraries for that? Some nights he would show up with a suit and tie on, saying that he just got off work. Other nights he came in looking like he just rolled out of bed, his more casual nights he seemed to do more people watching than work, whatever his work was. Jo, Ash and Benny have all told Dean that Blue Eyes isn’t “people watching”, he’s “Dean watching” but Dean didn’t believe that, he was never able to catch him in the act.  

Dean would talk to the guy when he waited at the bar to get a drink or order food. Why he didn’t just give the order to a server, Dean had no clue. Over the year he learned that the guy’s name was Cas, and that getting the man to talk about his life was like pulling teeth.  He would talk with Dean about trivial things: music, tv, current events, what they liked to read--but never his personal life, job or school. Cas would ask endless questions about how drinks were mixed, why this glass with that drink, he seemed to particularly enjoy hearing stories about the daily patrons of the bar if Dean had time to tell him.  Dean was curious about him, what did he do that required a suit and was so boring he never mentioned it? Was he working on school work when he came in? Was he a part time student like Dean? He didn’t seem to drink because he felt a dire need to drink, he seemed to do it because he felt he should, like he didn’t realize that he could have soda or water, being in a bar did not mean he had to drink alcohol. Dean was rarely able to ask him about his life, Fridays being their busiest night he had to tend other customers, or simply because the guy seemed closed off. Being a good bar tender meant knowing when to joke with someone, when to flirt with someone, when not to push a person to talk and when to be that ear that they needed. The only thing that Dean knew for certain about the guy was that the Roadhouse’s burgers made him very happy, most normal jokes and pop culture references flew right over his head and that he was hot! Dean had more than one fantasy about the man over the months based on his voice and eyes alone.

On this particular Friday, Cas was staying a bit later than he normally did.  He thoughtfully stared at his laptop and Dean totally wasn’t amused by the scowl on Cas’s face, Jo came up and hip-checked him.

“You’re staring again, asshole,” Jo whispered over his shoulder.  Dean smirked at his surrogate sister and dropped his gaze to the glasses he had been rinsing in the sink behind the bar.

Jo began to empty her apron and count her tips. “Seriously Dean, just go ask the guy if wants to grab a coffee, I swear you have no balls Winchester”.  

Dean was about to reply when he was interrupted by Benny coming from the kitchen to clock out. “Oh chere, I don’t believe that’s true. I’ve had a few rolls in the hay with your brotha here, I can vouch for his balls.” Jo grimaced and put her fingers in her ears as Dean threw his head back and laughed. He was about to speak again when he was interrupted. This time by Cas coming up to pay his tab.  Benny threw a arm over Deans shoulder and gripped tight in an I got your back sorta way.  

Cas looked cautiously at Benny and back to Dean. “Uh, can I have my total, please?”

Dean fumbled an, “ah yeah sure,” and gave Cas his bill. He paid with a credit card and fumbled with his signature, looking flustered. His eye’s shifted between Benny and Dean again and nodded quickly before turning to leave.  

Benny chuckled.  “Hey Blue Eyes, you forgot somethin’.”  

Castiel turned slightly, and Dean couldn’t peg the look in his eye. It was somewhere between curiosity and annoyance.  “And what is that, exactly?”  

Benny gave Cas a mischievous smirk and oh shit, Dean knew that look but just couldn’t stop him in time  “You forgot to ask my friend here--” He gave Dean a shove, “--out for coffee, or a beer. Your choice.”  Benny put on his jacket. “I gotta go, Andrea is waitin for me. I’ll be sleepin’ on the couch if she goes to bed alone.”

With that he walked out from behind the bar, and out the door without looking back.  

Cas was frozen.

Jo laughed in response, and Dean heard her walk into the back. Cas wasn’t moving, why wasn’t he moving? Dean cleared his throat finally finding some words and Ash came bursting through the kitchen door, sending the swinging door flying, with a very loud. “Hola, Amigo!! Jo says I’m here to cover your ass! Clock out, you’re free to go.”  Dean shut his eyes, whatever he was going to say to Cas was now a jumbled mess in his mind.  Assholes, they’re all assholes.

Cas turned now and stared.

Dean couldn’t move. Cas walked slowly back to the bar, his eyes never leaving Dean’s. Normally Dean, in this embarrassed state, would look anywhere but at the person he was confronting, but something about the intensity of Cas wouldn’t let him look away.

Cas’s gaze dropped briefly as he walked the few feet to the bar, glancing up through his lashes. “Dean, I still have a good deal of writing to do tonight. A coffee sounds great... would you like to accompany me?” Dean’s heart was pounding in his ears, his heart sped up and he seemed to have forgotten how to say yes.

“Of course he would!” Ash practically yelled, and clapped Dean on the back effectively knocking the air from his lungs.

“FUCK,”  Dean grumbled through gritted teeth. “Can I speak for myself at least once tonight? Is that possible?!” Dean dropped his head to his hands.

“Apparently not, ‘cause we keep beating you to it...” Ash smiled. “Shit or get off the pot, Deano,” and he slapped Dean on the shoulder  before being flagged down by a customer at the other side of the bar.

Dean gazed up at Cas through his fingers.  “You still want to have coffee after meeting my friends?”  

The side of Castiel’s mouth quirked up in a  smirk “Especially after meeting your friends.”

They took Dean’s car, because, c’mon he had to show Baby off to him. They found a 24 hour diner and ordered coffee. Dean couldn’t recall another time where he had as much fun just talking to someone. Cas was easier to talk to once Dean wasn’t worried about his friends interrupting or worried about what anyone might say. Cas seemed to open up one on one, in a way he wasn’t able to in the crowded bar.   Cas had a dry humor that was highly amusing once you realized he was joking.   Cas was a writer, and he came to Harvelle’s Roadhouse so that he could write accurately, seeing as how most of his current work in progress took place in a bar. His day job however was as an editor for the local paper, which he couldn’t wait to leave once his first book was published.  

Dean told Cas about school, and that he was majoring in art therapy which Cas stated “I would’ve never thought of that as a career for you”. Dean explained to Cas that he was mute for a time after his mother's death. When he couldn’t speak about his feelings, his therapist would have him draw.  That was something that stuck with him. He found that what people couldn’t say, they could often depict in other ways.  It was something that was interesting to him, as he got older and researched the job field he realised that he could help children through trauma a lot like his therapist helped him.  The schooling for it was taking forever but it was going to be worth it in the end.

They actually talked most of the night, interrupted only when a rather annoyed server told them they had to order more than coffee to keep their table. Dean understood, she could’ve been making a lot in tips table after table, but he and Cas had held the table all night so they ordered breakfast, tipped her very well, and went their separate ways. They didn’t exchange numbers.

The Friday after their date, Dean couldn’t wait to see and talk to Cas again. At 7pm on the nose Cas strolled through the door in jeans that hugged his thighs and ass in all the right places, a plain grey t-shirt that did the same, and hair that looked like it had never seen a comb. Only this time, for first time, he had no laptop, no headphones and walked right past the bar, ignoring his regular table, and stepped up to the area for the pool table. He didn’t even greet Dean--just smiled at him, winked and proceeded to challenge the first person willing to play him. He won, with one the quickest and best played games Dean ever saw. Then, in a move he hadn’t done since he’d waltzed into the place, Cas flagged down Jo for a drink. Dean would have been worried that Cas was avoiding him, if it wasn’t for the blatant looks he was giving Dean in between taking his shots. The guy looked like he went to the school of seduction at University of Winchester.  

The sonuvabitch beat everyone who came up to meet him; he was gathering attention and building quite the pile of cash. Every single shot he called, he made.  By the time Ellen came out from the back, Dean wasn’t even pretending to tend bar anymore.  He was more or less ogling and drooling into the sink everytime Cas bent over the pool table and maintaining the gaze anytime Cas flashed his baby blues Dean’s way.  Ash had taken over properly tending to customers about an hour ago. Ellen leaned beside Dean and just watched Cas rule the billiard table. Dean found himself increasingly aroused by the confidence oozing off of him. Cas stretched while waiting for his opponent to take his turn and Dean got a glimpse of mouth watering hip bones. Dean noticed Cas grinning at him, that bastard knew what he was doing to Dean.  All kinds of filthy scenes played through Dean’s mind, him and Cas defiling that pool table, him dragging Cas into the bathroom for quickie, hell, Impala’s backseat had enough room---

He jumped when Ellen spoke up from beside him. “You know Dean, I’m happy your boy is winning and all, but he’s going to piss someone off, someone will think they’re bein’ hustled”

Dean stared at her. “You suggesting I escort him home to protect him or something?” he chuckled.  Ellen gave him a stare that plainly said boy don’t you question me. Dean just coughed and nodded.

“ Get that boy home, he’s been hogging the table far too long. Clock out and see that he gets to his car okay.”  With that Ellen began tending bar with Ash.

Dean did as he was told, he clocked out and then walked to the billiard table.

Giving Cas a pointed look, which morphed into his best flirtatious smile. He jerked his head toward the door.  Cas cocked an eyebrow and gave a wicked smile as leaned to take the next shot  and nodded, and without breaking his gaze at Dean he called his shot: “eight ball side pocket!” He banked the eight and it landed in the side pocket as called.

As he collected his cash and followed Dean through a rather angry looking crowd, the latter leaned close to him. “Where did you park?” he asked.

“I didn’t, I walked,” Cas said. Dean thought his voice sounded off.  On the way to the front door, Cas flagged down Jo again, dropped what was easily two hundred dollars in her apron pocket from his winnings, and thanked her for keeping him hydrated. Then he grabbed Dean’s arm and pulled him out the front door.

Once outside, Cas was all smiles as he walked backwards to talk to Dean. “Can you believe that haul? Christ, even after giving that server a weeks worth of tips, I still have my share of the rent money for this month.” He looked around the parking lot.  “Is that black beauty yours?” he asked, pointing to the Impala.

Dean stopped and looked confused, his voice was more tense than he intended: “You know she is, you saw my car last Friday! And what do you mean that server, that was Jo, you know her!” Cas stopped. His eyes went wide and he chuckled, a low, full smile, crinkled eyed chuckle. Dean was almost annoyed. “Sorry Cas I missed the joke, how drunk are you?”

A set of devious blue eyes flashed at him.  “I’m sorry.” He held out his hand to Dean as if to shake it. “I’m James Novak, Cas’ brother... Call me Jimmy.” Dean felt the world spin... there’s two of them, his mind was both racing and skidding to a halt at the same time.

When Dean didn’t shake his hand, Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Christ on the cross, my brother was right, you stop like a scratched record when embarrassed.” Dean’s mind snapped back to the present.

“Cas talks about me?” his voice cracked, and Jimmy’s impossibly wide smile got even wider, damn near manic.

Jimmy sauntered in close to Dean and whispered: “Oh he has said SO much.” He put his mouth close to Dean’s ear “and some of it I wasn’t meant to hear, I’ve been visiting on the nights he’s out of town for meetings, I needed to see who my brother found so alluring, besides me”

Dean audibly swallowed and Jimmy chuckled warm breath in his ear. Jimmy ghosted his mouth from Dean’s ear to his lips but didn’t kiss him. He pinned Dean with the same gaze Cas had the previous week. “So when he didn’t come home until daylight last Saturday, and said he had been with you,” Jimmy trailed his index finger across Dean’s collar and down the front of his shirt. “I decided to make the move that he’s too chicken shit to.” Then Jimmy turned abruptly and walked toward the Impala, calling over his shoulder: “He hasn’t shut up about you for almost a year. Drive me home Dean, I have a interesting situation to tell you about.”

~end~

[im-coming-to-you-live]

SpongeBob- Truth, or Reality?

Truth, or Reality? Summary: SpongeBob invites his friends to play a game of ‘’Truth or Dare’’ at his house. Rated: T for Teen; 13+ Characters: Squidward, SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy Pairing(s): None Genre: Friendship Word Count: 7, 280

‘’My mouth tastes like nuts’’ was based on this picture: https://superhotbeam.tumblr.com/post/162920602400/thank-you-ms-paint#notes

Fic belongs to me.

SpongeBob Musical belongs to Kyle Jarrow (who wrote the book).

SpongeBob © Nickelodeon.

[X-posted from deviantART]

‘’Have you ever noticed that when you’re swimming it seems like you’re standing still, but you’re really moving?’’ SpongeBob began. ‘’And when you’re on a plane, it seems like you’re going by so slow but actually you’re moving really fast?’’ Children made the strangest observations. ‘’What are you talking about?’’ ‘’Fish might not notice water, and we might not notice time. But those are our realities,’’ SpongeBob explained. ‘’If we move fast, then time will move slower. So for a runner, the time is moving slower than someone who is walking.’’ Squidward only rubbed his temples in annoyance. ‘’What does this have to do with anything?’’ ‘’Silly Squiddy, weren’t you listening?’’ He wasn’t. ‘’It’s all got to do with reality versus perception. That’s what Sandy calls it anyway. Cool idea, huh?’’ ‘’I don’t need a kid to tell me all this.’’ 

‘’That’s just it,’’ the boy said as he sat up, ‘’I was at Sandy’s today and I observed a beetle trapped in a spider’s web. The beetle kept struggling to survive, but it couldn’t get out. Sometimes it would seem like the beetle would give up, but when the small black spider would come down from its hiding spot and try to attack it, the beetle would try even harder to break free, shaking the web. This dance would continue for hours. Sandy told me not to interfere but I ended up setting the beetle free. It was all very interesting when it came to life, one struggling to live. The beetle was maybe three times the size of the spider, and even a big thing like that would end up in a mess, and how we can be controlled by our environment, or manipulated, as in this case the web, and the spider, the controller. But there could be many other metaphors from this as well, life and death, struggle—‘’ Squidward sighed and draped his bony arms over his eyes, in a sore attempt to drown out SpongeBob’s nonsense. He stopped listening after awhile, because he couldn’t make sense of how this all logically connected together. This was not unusual for Spongebob. He had the tendency to jump from one topic to another, thus confusing the helpless listener who tried to follow along. ‘’SpongeBob, please,’’ he begged. ‘’Shut up, I can’t take it anymore.’’ ‘’Sorry,’’ SpongeBob apologized. ‘’You’re having one of your migraines?’’ SpongeBob had witnessed Squidward’s deadly headaches on more than one account, so he recognized the signs almost immediately. Squidward felt tempted to plug his ears. He didn’t know why he found himself lying on his back on this idiot’s bed to begin with. He had a rough day at work, having to deal with those bloody, chatty customers. The last thing he needed was SpongeBob chewing his ear off about philosophical questions he didn’t give a shit about, so he didn’t know what possessed him to let himself be dragged along like this. ‘’Make yourself useful and go find Sandy and Patrick,’’ he ordered. ‘’The sooner we can get this over with, the better.’’ ‘’I think they went downstairs for refreshments.’’ ‘’Well, they’ve been down there an awful long time. What are they doing, painting the Sistine chapel?’’ With that, Squidward slid off the bed, which caused his already throbbing head to pound unforgivably so. ‘’Never mind, I’ll fetch them myself.’’   ‘’You look exhausted,’’ SpongeBob pointed out. No shit, Sherlock. ‘’Maybe you should lie down. I’ll go get them.’’ ‘’I’ve been lying down,’’ Squidward snapped. ‘’I’ve been lying down for years, don’t make much difference now, does it? I’m fucking tired, all the time. I gotta get up now, otherwise I’ll fall asleep.’’ SpongeBob remained very quiet for a moment, then said, ‘’You didn’t have to come if you didn’t feel like it. I would’ve understood. I just hate seeing you lonely all the time, but if you’re tired, that can’t be helped. You can go home and rest, if you want.’’ No, he wasn’t getting rid of him that easy. ‘’Oh, come off it, I’m alright,’’ said Squidward. ‘’Besides, I’m tired of being stuck in the house on a Saturday night, even if it is your bloody house.’’ And with that, Squidward trudged downstairs, feeling the fatigue hitting him like a shower of stray bullets. Damn, he felt more tired walking around than he did lying on SpongeBob’s bed. What was the matter with him? Is that why he so begrudgingly accepted SpongeBob’s invitation? Was he sick to death of going to bed early on a weeknight like some elderly man in a retirement home? He was only 45 for crying out loud. He should have the energy of a bull. Hell, Mr. Krabs seemed to have more energy at his age, and he was 70! To make matters worse, it was only 8:00 PM and he felt like crashing. No, he would will himself to stay awake, stay up late playing with these stupid kids till at least 12:00 AM. He could prove he was still young. He wasn’t old! And he certainly would not be beaten out by some 70-year-old man. If Mr. Krabs could do it, then so could he. He sauntered into the kitchen, expecting to find Patrick and Sandy, but it was empty. In fact, SpongeBob’s entire house seemed to be empty, and quiet. Too quiet. Maybe they had gone into the living room? But when Squidward checked, they weren’t there either. What the Hell? ‘Don’t tell me they went home and left me here all alone with that nuisance,’ Squidward thought, and truthfully he couldn’t blame them if they had, but sure enough, he heard a fit of laughter outside the front door. When he went to go look, Sandy and Patrick were chilling on the porch. Squidward just watched them for a moment, before stepping outside and making his presence known. ‘’Hate to interrupt you lovebirds, but SpongeBob and I been waiting for you upstairs for a hundred years,’’ he said, almost disinterested. He half hoped they had gone home, so he could have an excuse to retire for the evening. ‘’Oh, howdy, Squidward.’’ Sandy greeted him as she turned around. ‘’We’ll be up in a sec, I just needed some air is all.’’ He saw Patrick mouthing something to him over her shoulder but he couldn’t rightfully make out what it was. ‘’What?’’ he demanded. ‘’What?’’ Patrick echoed back. ‘’I didn’t say ‘hot flashes’.’’ Sandy turned to Patrick with a glare. ‘’I ain’t having none of that. Why is that when a girl needs some air, that automatically means she’s having PMS? I just needed some air. I’m a mammal, after all.’’ ‘’Yeah, whatever,’’ Squidward declared. ‘’I’ll just tell SpongeBob the two of you are too busy having a romantic night out.’’ He turned to go back inside, closing the door behind him, which muffled an exchange of bickering, before heading back upstairs. When he did, he found SpongeBob sprawled out on the floor over a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic. Did he ever do that at that age? No, Squidward reasoned, he was done reading comic books by the age of twelve. ‘’Sandy and Patrick are snogging on your porch,’’ Squidward said sarcastically in that same monotone, bored voice, ‘’Thought you ought to know. So I guess I’ll go home now.’’ ‘’Shut up,’’ SpongeBob said as he looked up from his comic. Squidward looked taken aback for a moment, and was about to demand why the heck he told him to ‘shut up’, but then he remembered ‘shut up’ had a completely different meaning for today’s generation. ‘’See for yourself,’’ and Squidward pointed to the window. Of course, SpongeBob fell for it and rushed to see what Squidward was talking about. While he was distracted, Squidward saw the opportunity to escape. But as he exited SpongeBob’s bedroom, he was met with Sandy and Patrick coming up the stairs. ‘’Hey, Squidward,’’ he heard SpongeBob’s voice call from his room, ‘’I don’t see anything! They’re gone.’’ ‘’We’re here!’’ Sandy shouted back. ‘’You weren’t leaving, were you?’’ Patrick asked, but before Squidward could answer, he felt the other grip his shirt collar and drag him back into the room. ‘’Hey look, we found Squidward!’’ Patrick beamed. ‘’Great, so I guess we can get started,’’ SpongeBob said gleefully. Squidward had no idea what a bunch of young adults usually did on a Saturday night, but he didn’t want to stick around and find out. He thought about running for the bathroom, but Patrick still had a hold of him. He felt Patrick drag him down as he was forced to sit on the floor and form a circle with the rest of them, Sandy directly across from him, Patrick to his right, and SpongeBob next to Patrick. He wondered what game they would be playing until he saw Sandy take out an empty wine bottle she had been carrying in a satchel. Squidward just scowled at the bottle. He knew exactly where this was going. By God, why did it have to be this game? He hadn’t played this game since he was sixteen, and it was an awful experience from what he remembered. It was at some summer camp his mother forced him to attend in order to ‘’make friends’’. ‘Gee, mama, you were wrong about that one, too.’ He remembered being crowded into a cabin with young, semi-naked, drunk individuals, five boys and four girls. They had gone night swimming before the game, and no one bothered to dress themselves fully. He was the only one who refused to take off his clothes, instead preferring to hide behind a baggy sweater even though the night air wasn’t cold. He was painfully shy, and didn’t have very many friends. He was always the weird, quiet kid who sat by himself at lunch, drawing pictures, so he was surprised the ‘’cool kids’’ invited him to play their game at all. Of course, he didn’t suspect foul play. And they weren’t particularly mean to him. They just tended to ignore him during most of the summer, so he didn’t know why he suddenly became visible enough to be noticed for ‘’Truth or Dare’’. Surely, there were plenty of other kids at the camp who could have participated. But no, they asked him. He recalled that he had a huge crush on one of the girls playing, and suffice to say, it didn’t end well. ‘’Erm, can’t we play something else?’’ Squidward suggested. ‘’Y’know...maybe cards? Charades or something?’’ ‘’But we play ‘Truth or Dare’ every Saturday night,’’ SpongeBob clarified. ‘’It’s tradition.’’ ‘’Yeah, man, can’t break tradition,’’ Patrick added. ‘’But now that we got four players this time, it’s gonna be extreme fun.’’ ‘’Yay. I’m so excited, I can’t wait, I’m pissing myself with joy,’’ Squidward moaned. ‘’Oh, cheer up, Squiddy,’’ SpongeBob giggled as he reached across Patrick to pat Squidward on the knee. ‘’It’s not like anyone ever died played this game before.’’ ‘I did,’ Squidward thought to himself, but wouldn’t dare admit this out loud.   ‘’So ya’ll know how to play this game, right?’’ Sandy asked. ‘’But for those who don’t, or who haven’t played it in twenty-some years,’’ she gave a knowing look towards Squidward, ‘’Here’re the rules: we take turns spinning the bottle. Whoever it lands on, we ask ‘em a simple ‘Truth or Dare’ question, to which the victim’s gotta choose. Once they choose which one, we challenge ‘em. That’s pretty much it.’’ ‘’Aaaand the limitations,’’ SpongeBob prompted. ‘’We gotta have limitations.’’ ‘’Right. The players have limited amounts of truths per player. Five each. And as far as dares go, nothing too raunchy. I ain’t counting on SpongeBob’s supply of condoms here, if ya catch my drift. Let’s keep it PG, people. Any questions before we start? Speak now, or forever hold your—’’ ‘’Oooh ooh me me!’’ Patrick enthusiastically raised his hand. ‘’I have a question!’’ ‘’What is it, Patrick?’’ ‘’What’s PG stand for? Is that, like, ‘Party Game’, or something?’’ ‘’No, it stands for ‘Pretty Gay’,’’ Squidward remarked. ‘’Now are we gonna waste anymore time, or is someone gonna spin sometime tonight?’’ ‘’Alright, alright, don’t get your thong in a bunch, Mr. Tentacles,’’ Sandy puffed. ‘’So I’ll go first, Squidward second, then Patrick, then SpongeBob. Sound fair?’’ ‘’Whatever,’’ Squidward said as he crossed his arms over his chest. He prayed to Neptune above that he could get through this night without murdering someone. Without further delay, Sandy reached between the circle, and placed the bottle in the middle of the floor. They watched carefully as she spun the bottle. It went around and round until it slowed to a halt at none other than...Squidward. He frowned. Of course. ‘’Watch out, Squidward, she plays mean!’’ SpongeBob laughed. Thanks for the warning. ‘’Truth, or Dare?’’ she asked, not without a devilish smirk of her own. Now, this question presented a lose-lose situation, because anyone knows that to be cool you have to choose ‘’Dare.’’ And if you do choose ‘’Truth’’ then you are punished for not choosing ‘’Dare’’ by being forced to answer the most scandalous question possible. The question, he knew, was likely to be whether he had French-kissed a boy. In his experience, he had been asked this question. If ‘’Yes,’’ he would be peppered with follow-up questions about every detail, which would require serious on-the-fly lying and brutal concentration. But ‘’No’’ would be even worse: he would be branded as ‘’un-cool’’ and ‘’un-frenchable’’. The choice was clear: choose Truth and tell the Truth, choose Truth and lie, or choose Dare. ‘’Dare, I suppose,’’ Squidward sighed. Truth was waaaay too complicated. ‘’So,’’ Sandy said with a mischievous eyebrow raise, ‘’I dare you to choose, out of the three of us, who you would hitch,’’ and here she dramatically paused, ‘’Screw,’’ another pause, ‘’Or murder.’’ ‘’I think you mean ‘Marry, Fuck, or Kill’,’’ Patrick pointed out. Sandy shrugged. ‘’Eh, same difference.’’ Squidward sighed again. This was the worst Dare imaginable. Maybe he should have gone with Truth after all. Twenty-nine years ago, the girl he liked had been dared this very challenge when it came to her turn. She happened to name him as the guy to kill. Back then, he was super sensitive (kind of like SpongeBob, he supposed) so as soon as she said his name, he stormed out of the cabin in a fit of rage. Of course, someone went after him, but it was in a dark forest in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but the sounds of sea bears lurking about, and he almost got lost. It was one of the scariest things that ever happened to him. Eventually, one of the boys convinced him to come back, but when he did, he never looked at that girl again. Sure, it was just a game, and maybe he took it too seriously, but all hopes of any possibility of her liking him back, all prospect of a summer romance, were dashed. After all, he didn’t know what he did to that girl to make her say she would kill him off. She never even spoke to him. Squidward felt like getting up and storming out right now. This game was so mindless. He swore he was losing brain cells every moment, but at least he didn’t have to think too hard on this one, especially since it was all for shits and giggles anyway. Without batting an eye, he said, ‘’Marry Patrick. Fuck Sandy. Kill SpongeBob. Er, no offense.’’ He braced himself, hoping SpongeBob wouldn’t have the same reaction as his sixteen-year-old self. He knew how sensitive SpongeBob was. Bloody hell, maybe he should have thought this over a little more. Maybe he should have switched up the choices. Well, he certainly didn’t want to fuck Patrick, that was out of the question. Maybe he should have killed him instead. But he wanted to kill SpongeBob more, even if it meant having to marry Patrick. He didn’t want to marry SpongeBob either, he was too impossible to live with as it was. And he certainly didn’t want to fuck him. Maybe he should have married Sandy, fucked SpongeBob, and killed Patrick, but honestly, neither option sounded all too appealing. If he had a choice, he’d marry, fuck and kill Sandy straight across, as she was the least annoying of the three of them. Was he even allowed to do that? Much to his relief, Sandy and SpongeBob burst into laughter and fell on top of each other while doing so. Apparently, this happened before at some other party, and they expected this answer. Squidward failed to see the humour in all this. Patrick, on the other hand, remained very thoughtful, or at least he looked that way. With his dopey expression, it was hard to tell. ‘’Why would you marry me?’’ Patricked asked. ‘’If I answered that question, wouldn’t that technically be breaking the rules? I chose Dare, not Truth.’’ ‘’Yeah, but, I’m not asking you to tell me the Truth, I’m just...curious,’’ Patrick shrugged. ‘’I don’t know, Patrick,’’ Squidward threw up his hands, ‘’It’s just a stupid game, alright? I mean honestly, I’d kill both you and SpongeBob, but since I can only kill one, I’d kill him first, marry you, then probably file for divorce the very next day, or murder you on our wedding night. I’m not taking any of this seriously, and neither should you!’’ For some reason, this caused Sandy and SpongeBob to laugh even harder. ‘’I was just askin’, sheesh,’’ and Patrick indicated the bottle. ‘’Uh, who’s turn is it?’’ ‘’Think it’s Squidward’s,’’ SpongeBob said between chuckles, as he wiped away tears. Once Sandy and SpongeBob managed to compose themselves, Squidward spun the bottle. He hoped it wouldn’t land on Sandy. Not that he had any reason to exact revenge on her for her challenge, but he didn’t want to feel like his spin was biased. His prayers were answered, when it landed on SpongeBob instead. Great. Not exactly a blessing, but oh well. He’d bite. ‘’Oooooooh,’’ Sandy and Patrick chimed together. ‘’Oh, grow up, you two,’’ Squidward instructed, before turning to SpongeBob, who just smiled at him, waiting for the question. ‘’Well, SpongeBob, you know what to do.’’ ‘’Okay, um...’’ he chewed his lower lip, deciding on his fate for a moment before he said, ‘’Truth.’’ Squidward just blinked. No one chose ‘’Truth’’. And he was hoping he wouldn’t say that. He was a fool if he was trying to look ‘’brave’’. Choosing ‘’Truth’’ was just stupid. Again, he was brought back to that fateful night, when he, himself, had been challenged with ‘’Truth,’’ when he was too ignorant to know it was ‘’un-cool’’. And the question was, ‘’Where do you see yourself in twenty years?’’ Squidward bit on his tongue. Damn it all, he didn’t mean to think that out loud, but before he could take it back, it was too late. He watched SpongeBob purse his lips, that same look he always got when deep in contemplation. When Squidward answered the very same question twenty-nine years ago, he said he could see himself on Broadway, or at least a successful artist with his own gallery. Squidward had to laugh now. How stupid and naive he was. In reality, he ended up working at the Krusty Krab at 36, the dream slipping further and further away as the years wore on. He couldn’t begin to imagine what SpongeBob would say. ‘’In twenty years,’’ SpongeBob finally replied, ‘’I’ll be your age. I always kinda wanted to be like Squidward, so yeah. When I’m 45, I’m gonna be just that. I’m gonna be Squidward. I’m gonna work my ass off, take pleasure in the more sophisticated things life has to offer, like sitting at home on my day’s off with a good book, and I’ll be graceful and dignified, and wise beyond my years. And maybe there’ll be a nice twenty-something kid-next-door that’ll look up to me, the same way I look up to Squidward.’’ The room was quiet for a moment, before Patrick let out a slow clap. ‘’Nice one, buddy,’’ he complimented. Squidward just stared at SpongeBob, utterly dumbfounded. In truth, he fought the urge to punch that smile off his face. No, no, no,  he didn’t want to be like Squidward. He didn’t want to be so drained of energy that it was a struggle just to get out of bed every day. He didn’t want to face the never-ending disappointment in himself that he couldn’t be more than what he was. He didn’t want to be so lonely and empty that he cried himself to sleep each night with nothing but painful memories to keep him company. Most of all, he didn’t want to be tortured by someone so full of life, that it was a severe reminder of the youth and happiness he lost, a reminder that he was the dead among the living. Squidward couldn’t blame him, he supposed. When he was 16, he was stupidly optimistic of what the future held, too. He had to pity the misguided fool. ‘The poor bloke,’ he thought. ‘He hasn’t a clue.’ ‘’Well,’’ Squidward said, turning to Patrick. ‘’Your turn.’’ Patrick did as he was told and spun. The bottle landed on Sandy. Now it was SpongeBob and Squidward who let out an ‘’Ooooooh.’’ Squidward didn’t know why he joined in, but he had to admit, the whole situation was bleeding hilarious, especially with how he found them laughing together at Neptune-knows-what on the porch earlier. Who knows? Maybe this would be Patrick’s opportunity to ask her if she really was having hot flashes. Okay, that was lame, but seriously, Squidward was starting to sort of feel like a kid all over again. Maybe there was more to this game after all. ‘’Oh, grow up, you two,’’ Sandy echoed Squidward from earlier, then waved a hand at Patrick. ‘’Go on and ask me then.’’ ‘’Truth, or Dare?’’ Sandy just smiled. ‘’You know me. I always like a good dare.’’ Patrick smiled in return. ‘’Then I dare you, Sandra Jennifer Cheeks, to...um...’’ He looked around the room, searching for a naughty idea, when his eyes suddenly rested on SpongeBob. ‘’To kiss....um...’’ But at the last minute, he looked at Squidward and blurted out, ‘’Well, since he wanted to fuck you, I dare you to kiss Squidward Q. Tentacles! Sorry, I don’t know what the ‘Q’ stands for.’’ Squidward’s little bit of fun was suddenly crushed into dust. ‘’Oh, come on,’’ he pleaded. ‘’Why don’t you make her kiss SpongeBob? He’s asking for it!’’ ‘’Now, now, Squidward,’’ Sandy teased, ‘’It’s Patrick’s dare. He makes the rules.’’ As she came crawling towards him on her hands and knees, he instinctively backed away. Again, he was plagued by a bad memory of the time he was dared to kiss a girl who had previously been dared to lick a toilet seat. It was the least pleasant kiss he ever had. ‘’Stay back,’’ he said. ‘’I mean it...I, uh...’’ And he tried to come up with some lame excuse to get out of it. ‘’I didn’t want to bugger you for real, I just said that, you know. I think you’re repulsively ugly!’’ ‘’Uh huh,’’ she rolled her eyes. ‘’I-I had garlic for lunch!’’ ‘’And I had a rotten cantaloupe. I’m sure there’s no germs swimming in your mouth that can even come close,’’ she said as she continued to come nearer. ‘’Play nice, Sandy,’’ SpongeBob cautioned. ‘’I think you’re scaring him.’’ ‘’Oh, he’ll live,’’ she said, and finally grabbed him, pulling him into a kiss. He tried to close his mouth, but it was too late. He felt her slobbering all over his face, as though she were trying to eat him, and then he felt her try to expertly slip him the tongue. He pulled back and cried out, ‘’What the blazing Hell, woman?’’ while wiping her saliva from his face. Purple lipstick smears came off on his arm instead, causing SpongeBob and Patrick to howl like hyenas. Sandy only shrugged, not bothering to wipe away her smeared lipstick. ‘’Didn’t know you were such a stick in the mud. What are you, some kissless virgin?’’ ‘’And what are you?’’ Squidward shot back. ‘’Some rocky mountain savage? You kiss like a grizzly bear! And why does my mouth taste like nuts?’’ ‘’Oops,’’ Sandy snickered. ‘’I guess it wasn’t cantaloupe after all.’’ ‘’Whatever,’’ and he angrily turned to SpongeBob who was rolling on the floor with laughter. ‘’Well, spin, dammit!’’ ‘’Squidward, chill out, dude it’s just a game!’’ Patrick tried to reason. Oh, sure. To them it was just a game, but they had no idea what he had to go through. And the humiliation. Worse of all, he was so young and carefree back then. He wasn’t tired all the time. And he did have fun. He wanted so much to just let loose and have fun. Be a kid all over again with no worries in the world. Why couldn’t they see that? Why couldn’t they understand that someday they would be old and miserable, and this game would be a bad dream? But then suddenly, he remembered what SpongeBob had told him earlier, about reality versus perception. He didn’t think he had been listening, but he was suddenly reminded of those words. What did he say again? That when you’re swimming, it seems as though you’re standing still, even though you’re really moving? That time moves in the very same way, that it moves so slow, that you just don’t notice? And maybe that’s why he was so much happier twenty-nine years ago. He just didn’t notice. And how could he? Maybe that’s all it was. Life was like a plane ride. It didn’t seem to move at all. And before you know it, you reach your destination, and...what was that bit about the spider and the beetle? Something about life, and death, and struggle? Squidward shook his head. ‘Nonsense,’ he thought. ‘It’s all nonsense.’ He let out a sigh, feeling more calm now, and took his place in the circle. SpongeBob waited for everyone to settle down before he took his turn. He eagerly watched the bottle spiral around, until it stopped before Patrick. ‘’Okay, Patrick, Truth or Dare,’’ he chuckled. ‘’Dare,’’ Patrick responded, without a moment’s hesitation. SpongeBob raised an eyebrow. ‘’You sure?’’ ‘’Uhh...I don’t know...’’ Patrick furrowed his brow in confusion. ‘’Then I dare you to—‘’ ‘’Wait!’’ Patrick stopped him. ‘’I changed my mind. Truth!’’ ‘’Is that your final answer?’’ SpongeBob laughed. Patrick began to sweat a little as he struggled to make a decision. ‘’Wait...I dunno, this question’s too hard.’’ Squidward was growing increasingly irritated watching this exchange unfold like some ping-pong match that would never end. ‘’Oh, stop confusing him, and just let him choose what he wants,’’ Squidward cut in. He couldn’t stand the way SpongeBob played with Patrick’s stupidity, although he meant no harm. Still, it wasn’t right to take advantage of a simpleton. He didn’t know any better. ‘’Alright,’’ SpongeBob agreed. ‘’Patrick, it’s your call, buddy.’’ ‘’Uh, Dare...I guess.’’ That’s it, Patrick. Play it cool. SpongeBob grinned from ear to ear. ‘’I dare you to go into your kitchen and rearrange everything in the food pantry... in alphabetical order.’’ They waited for SpongeBob to deliver the catch, but apparently, he had nothing more to add. That was it? What a lame dare. On the contrary, Patrick reacted as though the world was ending. ‘’All of it?’’ he asked. ‘’All of it.’’ Patrick looked like he would melt into a puddle right there and then. It was at that point he probably realized that any kissing question was better than this. ‘’I can’t do it,’’ he said. ‘’Then do you choose Truth?’’ This is how the game always goes. You just can’t win. Patrick swallowed hard, then nodded. ‘’Yeah. Truth.’’ Squidward didn’t know why, but he felt a little sorry for Patrick. There was always going to be one in the group who got the short end of the stick. But maybe SpongeBob would go easy on him. They were best friends, after all, so SpongeBob couldn’t possibly ask him anything he knew would upset him.   SpongeBob considered for a moment, before asking, ‘’Do you think you’ll get married someday?’’ Patrick just blushed and stuttered, ‘’I-I guess...I mean...I don’t think I’d find anyone...special enough...but...sure...I guess...maybe it’d be nice...but...I don’t know...there’s not too many people that I...well...’’ Squidward found himself studying Patrick as his face grew redder by the second. He was visibly embarrassed by the question. Kids these days, even twenty-somethings, were always thinking of getting married and having kids of their own someday. Settling down, if you will. Becoming their parents. It was weird and scary. Squidward knew right off the bat that at Patrick’s age, he wasn’t going to get married. ‘’Oh, you’ll change your mind,’’ they said. Look at him now. Still a swinging bachelor. Sure, Squidward had to admit there were times he considered himself a hopeless romantic. But he was pretty set in his ways. He didn’t want to end up like his parents, not at all. SpongeBob could see that the ‘’Truth’’ was making Patrick feel a tad uncomfortable, and so he reached for his friend, squeezing his hand. ‘’It’s okay, Patrick,’’ SpongeBob reassured. ‘’You don’t have to say more than that.’’ Sandy decided that now was the opportunity to take her turn once more, and she spun the bottle. It landed on Patrick again, by all strange accounts. Patrick hadn’t fully recovered from his prior awkwardness and stood abruptly to excuse himself. ‘’Um, sorry, I gotta get...some air...uh, it’s not like, I’m having hot flashes, by the way,’’ and he left the three of them alone. ‘’Er, I can take his turn for him,’’ SpongeBob said. ‘’Fine by me,’’ Sandy nodded. ‘’Truth or Dare?’’ ‘’Dare.’’ Squidward stopped paying attention after that. He quickly realized that he was far too old and far too pessimistic for this sort of thing. He kept thinking about why Patrick acted so strangely to a simple question, but then he remembered how delicate he had been when he was young. Sure, SpongeBob didn’t mean to embarrass his friend, his intentions were purely innocent. He couldn’t have known how nervous Patrick would get. Hell, if he had been Patrick, he probably would have run out of the room, too. He had, actually, only on someone else’s turn. Maybe now it wasn’t just a game? Sure, the fun of the game was to ask each other silly questions, and no one would tell if you were being completely honest or not if you hid it well enough, so you could answer however you pleased, but some questions might run on a more personal level, triggering something that shouldn’t be triggered. Squidward had no idea that he was actually putting his own future on the line, and when he couldn’t live up to those expectations that he set for himself in a game twenty-nine years later, he began to despise the game, as though it was the game’s fault. Well, he had to blame something. Laughter interrupted his thoughts and he looked up to find SpongeBob standing on his head, and trying, but failing, to touch his nose with the tip of his tongue while singing the alphabet backwards. ‘’C’mon, you’re pathetic!’’ Sandy cried. ‘’Z, Y, X, W, V, uh...S...oh shit,’’ SpongeBob faltered, then started again. ‘’Z, Y, X, W, V...U...’’ he almost got his tongue to his chin, but not quite. ‘’Where was I? U, T, S, R...um...’’ ‘’Keep going,’’ Sandy encouraged. Alas, he got all the way up to ‘M’, before he had to start over again. Squidward just continued to observe them. He didn’t know why they invited him to begin with. He always felt a tad out of place hanging out with a bunch of kids. Was watching them supposed to remind him of his youth and make him feel younger? Because in truth, he felt more tired and old just watching them. He just couldn’t keep up. And though they often protested that he wasn’t old, that wasn’t the point. He felt his age, maybe older.   ‘’What’d I miss?’’ Patrick said as he returned, and took a seat beside Squidward. ‘’Not much,’’ Squidward admitted. After fifteen more seconds, SpongeBob could stand on his head no longer and gave up. But at least he finally managed to touch his nose with his tongue, even though he couldn’t sing the entire alphabet backwards. ‘’Don’t tell me I made that look easy,’’ SpongeBob laughed, and held his head between his hands, which was no doubt spinning. ‘’That was hard!’’ Squidward remembered it was his turn and reluctantly spun the bottle. Last round, then he would go home. He was sick of this game. The bottle, for a third time, favoured Patrick. He hoped Patrick would want to skip his turn again, but he looked eagerly at Squidward, and so Squidward had to ask the same old question, although he didn’t really ask, he groaned, ‘’Truth, or Dare?’’ ‘’Dare, this time.’’ Did Patrick learn nothing? Squidward pouted. ‘’I dare you to skip your turn.’’ Then he stood and announced, ‘’I’m going home. Thanks but no thanks. ‘Night.’’ ‘’Oh, c’mon, Squidward, you can’t quit now!’’ they whined. ‘’It’s only 10:00!’’ ‘’Yeah, exactly, normal people are in bed at this hour. I’m out,’’ and he made his way to the door. ‘’At least dare me before you leave,’’ Patrick pointed out. ‘’That’s not really fair, y’know.’’ Squidward rolled his eyes and turned back towards the group. ‘’Fine.’’ And he made direct eye contact with Patrick, hoping he would cower. ‘’I dare you, Patrick Star, to name your first child after the person to your right. There, happy now?’’ Patrick just blinked. ‘’That...wasn’t even a dare. That was just stupid.’’ ‘’You’re stupid, and I’m going home, now.’’ As he opened the door to step outside, he heard the bottle being spun on the floor, and Patrick’s voice saying, ‘’What do you know? You’re it, again, Squidward. Truth, or Dare?’’ ‘’How can that be?’’ Squidward demanded as he spun around again. ‘’I’m not even in the circle!’’ But sure enough, the neck of the bottle was pointing directly at him. ‘’Truth, or Dare?’’ Patrick asked again. ‘’I’m done!’’ ‘’I’ll let you go home if you answer.’’ ‘’Fine. Truth.’’ He didn't have time for silly dares. ‘’How many children would you have?’’ ‘’Oh for crying out loud,’’ Squidward said, slamming the bedroom door closed. ‘’Honestly, Patrick. Look at me. I’m fucking 45, do you think I’d be having kids at this age? I don’t need kids! I got the three of you dunderheads, and you’re a handful as it is!’’ The three of them just looked at him in stunned silence, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Finally, Sandy said, ‘’It’s just a game. Don’t have to get so pissy. But since you answered, you’re free to go.’’ The three remaining players turned back to each other and waited for SpongeBob to spin the bottle. Squidward was about to turn out for yet a third time when he heard Sandy go, ‘’Oh…well, I guess you can spin again since Squidward’s not playing anymore.’’ Squidward glanced over his shoulder and saw the bottle pointing at him again. Was the thing cursed? SpongeBob began to reach for the bottle again when Squidward stopped him. ‘’No,’’ he said. ‘’Just ask me again, and I’ll be on my way.’’ Why Squidward wanted to continue playing, even after all that, he had no idea. But something about the way the bottle kept stopping at him made him all the more curious. SpongeBob just looked at him for a moment before he said, ‘’Truth, or Dare?’’ ‘’Truth.’’ ‘’Do you hate this game?’’ ‘’Yes,’’ Squidward admitted. ‘’Yes, I loathe it. I despise it. It’s supposed to make me feel young? What a laugh. I just feel old playing it. I feel old, and behind the times, and…and I don’t know why I came. It just brings back bad memories.’’ He watched as SpongeBob spun the bottle again, and unsurprisingly, it pointed at Squidward. ‘’Truth, or Dare?’’ ‘’Truth.’’ ‘’Why did you come then?’’ ‘’I don’t know,’’ Squidward sighed. ‘’I just wanted to feel a part of something. Y’know, join the world of the living! Geez, I live my life dying. The three of you get to have fun. But where’s my fun? It’s just a game to you…but to me…it’s more than that. I answered things about myself…twenty-nine years ago…that didn’t turn out to be true. And I…well, it hurts, SpongeBob. It hurts. And to see you all laughing…and having fun…but I can’t do that anymore. Because I know what’s ahead. And you don’t. You have no idea.’’ Again, SpongeBob took another turn on the bottle, and again, it landed on Squidward. He didn’t even ask this time. Instead he just blurted out, ‘’Even if you didn’t know what was ahead, would you regret it? Would you regret playing this game when you were 16?’’ ‘’SpongeBob,’’ Sandy said, putting a hand on his shoulder. ‘’He only gets five ‘Truths’ and he’s answered three already. Just let him go home.’’ But SpongeBob wouldn’t stop staring Squidward down until he answered. Squidward just swallowed back a lump in his throat. ‘’I guess not. I guess I don’t regret it.’’ ‘’Why?’’ ‘’Because…because now I know things about myself then, I didn’t know before. Sometimes I wish…even then that I could see the future. Maybe I would have answered differently. Maybe I would have done things I wouldn’t have done now. But I guess no one can see the future, can they?’’ SpongeBob was about to spin the bottle yet again, but there was no use for it now. Instead, he just asked, ‘’Reality is truth. Reality, however, is not always known.’’ ‘’Or noticed,’’ Squidward pointed out. ‘’While it’s true that everyone perceives reality differently, reality could care less about our perceptions.’’ ‘’So when you’re asked ‘Truth’, is truth reality, or is reality truth?’’ ‘’I don’t know how to answer that,’’ Squidward whimpered. ‘’Because…it’s just a struggle. Like that…story you told me…about the spider and the beetle. I didn’t know what it meant…but now I guess it makes sense. The problem arises…when people…stubborn people like me…refuse to accept the reality…like that beetle. He wouldn’t accept his fate. He kept fighting. And you saved him…but like Sandy said, maybe you shouldn’t have. Because then how…how does life continue if we’re always interfering? It can’t be created or altered. It is what it is. We can’t always be delivered from it, because we have to discover it.’’ Squidward didn’t even know what he was talking about anymore. But something about the way SpongeBob looked at him with unwavering strength in his eyes caused him to burst into tears. ‘’Actions have consequences,’’ he cried, ‘’And I ignored it for so long. Because the truth is harsh, and I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. I’d like to have fun like you guys…I’d like to play again like a child… I wish my little self-delusive world wouldn’t be upset by such a trivial matter as truth.  I don’t want to worry about the consequences I may have to deal with tomorrow; I just want to feel good today. Like all of you. It’s not fair...because I perceived my life so differently...and this is the reality...and it’s not what I imagined it to be.  Twenty-nine years ago, I assumed I’d be happy today. I didn’t know I was deceiving myself...I didn’t know...anything...’’ He could speak no more because his tears had choked him up. He didn’t care if they were watching him anymore. He felt like a 16-year-old all over again and buried his face in his hands, and wept and wept. It wasn’t long before he felt warm arms wrap around him. It took him a moment to realize there were six arms around him. Six, of all different shapes and sizes. When he finally opened his eyes, he found himself in the embrace of his friends, or at least the only people who considered themselves to be his friends. And they were all crying with him. They probably didn’t even know why. They probably didn’t even comprehend his nonsensical ramblings, but their hearts went out to him. They empathized. For some reason, they wanted to suffer with him. Why would a bunch of people with their whole lives ahead of them care about the existential crisis of a middle-aged man? But maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe that’s why they asked him to play with them. They just wanted him to be with them, in the same way they were with him now. And he was too preoccupied with wallowing in self pity of better days that he failed to realize that. Again, he just didn’t notice. So maybe his life didn’t turn out the way he planned. But at least now he had friends who cared enough. He couldn’t say that when was he was 16. Back then, he had no friends, so was he really happier after all? Maybe he got this whole reality versus perception mixed up. It wasn’t the principal of reality versus perception. It was reality versus the perception of reality. Twenty-nine years ago, he perceived his life to be happier, despite the reality that he was alone. Twenty-nine years later, he perceived his life to be awful, despite the reality that he had friends. Damn it all, he perceived wrong. He could have been happy this whole time. But much like swimming, he just didn’t notice, because much like time, it seemed to move too slow, when in reality, it was passing by all along. And he refused to accept it. He refused to get caught in that spider’s web. He was accepting it now. Because now he was trapped in the embrace of a six-armed monster, and he didn’t want it to let go. The beetle couldn’t accept death. That was fine. Who does? But the web was his reality. And this was Squidward’s reality. He had been deluding himself this whole time. Trying to make it through life without a solid grasp of reality is like stumbling around in a dark room laden with land mines. He didn’t want to be like that.  Maybe it was time to question everything and be willing to give up cherished notions, even if it meant suffering discomfort. But as long as he could still have friends, wouldn’t his life be a little more fulfilling if he could admit responsibility for his poor life choices? At least he would be satisfied, if not entirely happy. Slowly, he lifted his arms and willed himself to return the embrace of his friends. They all seemed to stop crying, and so did he. No words were needed. A silent understanding seemed to pass between them. They decided to stop playing the game, and they didn’t need to ask questions. Around 11:30 that same night, they all sat down in SpongeBob’s living room to watch a movie instead, and Squidward could safely say he finally felt content. He felt content to just be with them, and maybe that’s all he needed. Maybe they didn’t completely understand all that life threw at him, and maybe they’d find out someday. But as long as they could all keep an open mind of what was to come, they would have the courage to accept it. The one thing that will never be affected by our respective views of reality is reality itself. And the reality was that they were together, right now, at this very moment, and so nothing else mattered.                                                                                  Fin

[goosegoblin]

Hi Jess! could you give some advice about birthcontrol? from what i get different kinds fit different women but how fast can you tell? how should you ask your doctor for a change if needed? anything else a first time user should know? hope all is well, xoxo

Hello love!

First of all, it depends what country you’re in. If you’re in the USA, head over to Planned Parenthood- the ladies there are wonderful and can talk you through your options for free, I believe. If you’re in the UK, you can talk to your GP or visit a GUM clinic- you can google to find them in your area, and they’re NHS run and free. If you’re in another country, I’m less sure who you should speak to, but I’m guessing your standard doctor would be a good start!

It’s important to note that birth control won’t protect you from STIs. You need a barrier method (condom, female condom, dental dam) for that. 

So, birth control. You’re right in that it varies a lot between women, and there’s no real way to know what will work best for you- it can be something of a trial-and-error situation. I got lucky in that the first BC pill I went on works very well for me (though the first week was hellish, not gonna lie. That was my own fault for taking the morning after pill on Saturday and starting birth control on Monday...)

There are a few different options here. There’s pills, implants and IUDs. I’d say most people start with a combined birth control pill.

Note: no method of contraceptive is 100% effective. If you’re having sex, make sure you have a plan about what you’d do if you got pregnant. Please note also that the morning after pill loses effectiveness the longer you wait to take it, and is less effective for overweight or obese women. 

-----

Pills: 

These can be combined (meaning they contain oestrogen and progesterone) or progesterone-only (also called the mini pill). Synthetic oestrogen stops ovulation from occurring and stops the uterine lining from breaking down to prevent bleeding; synthetic progesterone stops ovulation, makes it harder for sperm to travel and makes it harder for an egg to be fertilised or implant. 

The combined pill is more effective, but not everyone can take it. Synthetic oestrogen can increase your blood pressure, so if you already have hypertension it might not be a good idea. It’s also not recommended for women who get migraines, are over thirty five, smoke, are significantly overweight, have a history heart or liver disease, or who are more likely to get blood clots. The mini-pill is better if that’s your situation, but you need to be more careful about taking it at the same time every day. The levels of hormones in the mini pill are lower, so you don’t have as much leeway.

Possible side-effects include mood swings, spotting (bleeding when you’re not meant to) and headaches. Like with many meds, these often improve as time goes on- I don’t have any side-effects from my pill, except for the rather odd and incredible side-effect of basically curing my IBS. Hormonal contraceptives like the pill can also affect your sex drive- it can be embarrassing to talk to your doctor about this, but it’s important that you do if you’re allosexual/ want to have sex. They can work with you to find an option that won’t kill your libido.

I take my pill every morning and tend to have a period every 6-8 weeks. Some packs just tell you to stop taking the pills for a week; other brands come with a week of sugar pills. These are just placebo pills. Some people prefer this because it means they remain in the habit of taking a pill every day. My periods are much lighter & nicer since starting contraceptives, and that’s the case for many women. You can basically pick and choose when to have periods when on the pill, which is lovely, but if you miss too many periods in a row (it’s about two for me) you’ll start getting breakthrough bleeding/ spotting, where your uterus is like ‘fuck you, we’re bleeding anyway’.

There is some evidence linking the pill to an increased risk of certain types of cancer and blood clots, but the increase is very small and the chance is still very low. Your doctor will go over your family history with you, so make sure you’re honest about cancer/clots etc in your family.

There are a few different brands of each type, so if one combined pill doesn’t work for you that doesn’t mean you have to swear off them forever.

Final notes- some antibiotics decrease their efficiency, but this is rare (and your doctor will tell you if that’s the case). If you throw up or have bad diarrhoea within a few hours of taking the pill, you may not be protected against pregnancy. Take another one, but if you’re sick/have diarrhoea again, you need to also use barrier methods until you’re better (and then maybe a couple days after). You also need to use barrier methods for a week if you miss two or more combined pills in a row, or one mini-pill.

Pros: easy, simple, can make periods lighter

Cons: bad side-effects for some women, gotta remember to take pills every day, not suitable for everyone

There’s also a contraceptive patch which releases the same hormones in the same way. You change it weekly and it’s still effective even if you’re sick. However, there’s evidence that it may not work for women over 90kg, or those who smoke. There’s also always the risk of it falling off, which may or may not outweigh the annoyance of taking a daily pill.

A similar alternative is the contraceptive ring, which releases oestrogen and progesterone and is inserted into your vagina. You put it in, wait twenty one days, remove it, wait a week and put a new one in, similar to with pills. Again, it protects even if you’re sick, but there is a risk it might come out on its own and need washing & reinserting.

------

Implant

The implant is a thin tube put in your arm that releases progesterone slowly. It can stay there for years and is pretty good at preventing pregnancy. It can cause your periods to stop altogether, but it can also cause them to become erratic or unpredictable (especially in the first year). They can also cause similar side-effects to the mini pill- mood swings, acne, nausea. There’s also a small risk your implant site could become infected. Again, it might not be suitable for women at high risk of migraines, clotting or cancer. However, you can breastfeed with the implant in, it won’t effect fertility in the long-term, and you can have it removed at any time.

There’s also an injection which works very similarly and lasts for 8-12 weeks.

Pros: long-term, don’t have to remember pills, can stop periods altogether 

Cons: risk of periods becoming worse/ more erratic, small risk of infection, not suitable for everyone

-----

IUD/ IUS

IUD stands for ‘intrauterine device’, also known as the coil. It’s non-hormonal, so there’s no progesterone or oestrogen going on. It releases copper instead, which changes the environment in the fallopian tubes and means sperm + eggs cannot survive. IUDs can last for 5-10 years and can actually be put in as a form of emergency contraception, meaning you don’t have to take the morning after pill. 

Having the IUD put in can be painful, and there’s a very small risk it may become infected. Your periods might be erratic for a few months, but should calm down. If you get pregnant with an IUD in you need to see a doctor quickly, as the risk of ectopic pregnancy (implantation in the fallopian tubes) is higher. However, this is still very rare, because pregnancy in general with an IUD is very rare. Most women can use IUDs, and medication won’t affect them. 

The main reason most women stop using IUDs is vaginal bleeding and pain. There’s no risk of the standard hormonal side-effects like mood swings/ nausea etc, however.

Pros: non-hormonal, can be used by most people, very long-term

Cons: might hurt when it’s put in, small risk of infection or IUD coming out/ moving out of place, increased risk of vaginal bleeding

The IUS is similar, but hormonal (progesterone is released). It’s very effective and can stop periods/ make heavy periods much lighter. The hormonal effects are similar to those for other hormonal methods listed above.

-----

My advice (I AM NOT A DOCTOR)

Obviously listen to your doctor and be honest with them. If you don’t have a family history of breast cancer, clotting, bad migraines etc, you’ll likely start on a combined pill. Give it at least two weeks before you make any decisions. The side effects will likely settle down. Try taking it with food if nausea is a problem. I

I don’t think long-term options are a good first choice- try some more temporary/ shorter lasting ones first so you have the chance to change back quickly if wanted. Don’t get me wrong, IUDs and implants are awesome, but maybe give pills a go first. 

If you don’t like what’s happening and want to change, that’s all you gotta tell your doctor. “I am having these symptoms {XYZ} and would like to try a different method of birth control”. You deserve to find a method that works well for you.

Best of luck xxx

[mecasloth]

Death is Always an Unwelcomed Guest; Part One

Hey everyone, it’s your friendly Mecasloth! I am trying my hand at stardew valley fanfiction and to actually post something hopefully will make me finish this project and not just let it die here. Sorry this is a self-insert fanfiction I am also sorry for any spelling mistakes/grammatical errors I tend to write faster in my head than I do on paper. 

Part One:

Dawn had broken over stardew valley, the cold autumn air clashed with the sun’s vibrant rays causing this nice coolish-warm mix. Nathan swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up, he stared into the air for as he woke up. The smell of coffee and pancakes wafted through the house as Nathan finally stirred and walked into the kitchen. “Morning Penny.” He said shambling into the kitchen. “Morning Darling, I made you coffee over there.” She pointed to the table, next to it were the three steaming pancakes drizzled with syrup and butter. “Thanks love.” Nathan came behind Penny and kissed her head from behind before taking his seat at the table. “Where are the kids?” Nathan asked between shoving down bites of pancakes down his face. “Kat is up and about, she wanted to go in town early and see the sunrise, plus I think she wanted to go see that Kent kid.” Nathan looked up confused, “Kent’s like forty or fifty why would she want to go see him?” Penny looked over and stared disapprovingly, “Jas and Vincent's kid.” Nathan’s eyes light up, “Oh fuck yeah that’s right, they named their son that. Where’s Tyler?” Nathan sipped on his coffee. “Asleep still, he sleeps like a log.”

“He takes after both his name sake and his father.”

“Tyler slept like that?”

“Oh hell yeah, when he could get to sleep he would be out for a day or two. We’re luckily he didn’t inherit my migraines, we wouldn’t see him for days at a time.” Nathan smiled over at his wife before yelling, “TYLER! GET DOWN HERE. NOW!” A sudden thump hit the ground above the kitchen, both Penny and Nathan giggling. A young teenager slipped and fumbled down the stairs, putting his shirt on as he did. “What did I do?” Tyler immediately asked. “Nothing, good morning son.” Tyler’s shoulders fell as he stared at his father before sitting down next to him at the table, rubbing his eyes. “Why must you torture me?” He asked jokingly. “It is a privilege from parent to progeny to torture you guys.” Nathan put his shoulder on Tyler’s shoulder and rubbed it smiling down at his son. “You’re also working the field with me today, the fall harvest is coming soon.”

“I’d honestly rather just study with mom then do the field.”

“Hun what’s for school today for Tyler?” Nathan asked his wife, actually curious.

“It’s going to be your midterms for math Tyler, hope you studied.” Penny replied smirking at Tyler. He quickly got up from the table and put on his boots before running out to the field. “You sure do have a way with that boy, I can never get him out there for field work unless I drag him.” Nathan Replied and sipped on his coffee as penny sat across from him. “Too bad he didn’t get a good breakfast, that boy is going to be tired by mid afternoon.” She started on her own pancakes. “Eh, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” He’s gotta learn that some day.”

“You work him too hard Nathan, he isn’t a slave.”

“I pay him for his work with every harvest, and children are the closest thing we can have to slaves these days.”

“Nathan!”

Nathan rose from the table and came over to kiss her head, “You know I am kidding. Thank you for breakfast, I’ll go meet the boy out there and help him.” He turned and walked out to the crisp monday morning.