#cause that's also where I started deconstructing

[gxlden-angels]

Throughout all of this, I never thought about the potential for my family members to also deconstruct/leave fundamentalist christianity, even if they remained a more progressive christian in the end

[mogai-sunflowers]

🇵🇸 Free Palestine- A guide for getting involved (Somewhat USA-focused)! 🇵🇸

This post is going to get very long, so I'm trying my best to break it up into manageable sections! Some parts of this post are applicable to people outside America, but at this time, I'm only knowledgeable enough about the movement in America to make a post about it!

Find Out About Local Organizations To Get Involved With

The best place to start is to find out what's already happening locally! If you live in a large/larger town/city, chances are something's already happening nearby!

For Americans: Look here to find out about the closest PSL (Party for Socialism and Liberation) chapter to where you live! They are involved in direct activism all across the US!

Find out if there's a PYM (Palestinian Youth Movement) chapter near you! They are extremely active

For college students in the US: Find out if there's an SJP (Students for Justice in Palestine) chapter on your campus! If there isn't, try founding your own! Look at their website here to learn more!

Also for college students in the US: Find out if there's a YDSA (Young Democratic Socialists of America) chapter on your campus!

Participate in BDS (Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions)

Find out how to get involved here

Hold Local News Outlets Accountable

Find out about the local news outlets in your area

Keep up-to-date with their publications

If it's a digital source, search it for any and all publications related to Palestine and Israel- if this search yields results, are the articles supportive of Palestine and its supporters?

If you encounter an article/multiple articles that lean towards or outright try to justify Israel's actions or spread propaganda, then you can do a few things-

1) If the article is digital, make a public comment correcting any misinformation in the article. Try to keep your comment straight to the point and factual.

2) Find out who wrote the article and reach out to them personally to discuss said article and the issues you have with it. Share your point of view and discuss misinformation and harmful language contained within the article.

3) Find out the editor of the article, and write a 'letter to the editor'. Such letters may have a word limit varying between different news outlets, so keep your letter brief yet powerful and deconstruct your issues with the article

4) Reach out to the owner of said publication and ask if you can try your hand at writing an opinion piece for them. Sometimes, it can take awhile to get one of your opinion pieces accepted, but if it's something you're passionate about, keep trying!

If a particular news outlet has a repeated pattern of dehumanizing and villifying the Palestinian freedom cause in their publications, try getting in touch with local activist groups! They can help- from organizing letter campaigns to actual protests outside the news headquarters!

Urge Your Town/City to Pass A Ceasefire Resolution-

First, check and see if there's already an organized movement in your town or city to pass a ceasefire resolution (via pressuring your local town/city council)- NOTE: If you live in a very small town, the chances are smaller that there is already an organized movement- but that doesn't mean you can't help to start one

If there is already a movement, find out when the public comment sessions for your town's/city's council are, and find out how you can sign up to speak- if you do so, you can also try and connect with the organizers of your local movement for advice on writing a statement in support of a ceasefire resolution

An addendum to the previous point: if you sign up to speak, find out if you can also provide a visual presentation for your statement- these are often especially powerful

If there isn't an organized movement yet, that doesn't at all mean that one can't be started. I recommend reaching out to the nearest town/city you know of that has an organized movement for a ceasefire resolution

Send emails and letters, and call, to all your town/city council members to consistently urge them to pass a ceasefire resolution

Pressure Your Representatives to Vote against Aid to Israel-

This is not US-specific- if you have representatives of your local area on the national level, you can pressure them through calls, emails, letters, setting up meetings, and direct action, to not sign off on aid proposals for Israel

Setting up meetings is particularly impactful- you have a chance to speak with them or their reps one-on-one with your point of view

Call/email EVERY DAY! Pressure only works if it is consistent, and ask your friends and family members to join you in contacting them to build even more pressure

Donate To-

These fundraisers to help various families leave Gaza

Your local/closest Palestinian Children's Relief Fund's chapter

1 or more of the Global Rahmah Foundation's projects for Gaza

ANERA

HEAL Palestine

Local drives for the World Food Pantry and other local fundraisers are also super important!

This is not an all-inclusive list of ways to support Palestine, it's just intended to be a guide for getting involved for people who want to get involved but aren't sure where to start. Please suggest or correct anything for this post, and please spread it around! @fairuzfan @palipunk @tamarrud @el-shab-hussein @apollos-olives @metalheadsforblacklivesmatter @bfpnola

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Deconstructing Dieter Bravo

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist I did a Deconstructing Dieter Bravo series for Destiny & Deliverance, so I thought it might be fun to continue that tradition with Closed Position since this Dieter does have some interesting things going on that we can delve deeper into.

I had several people comment/dm me about two things after the first chapter that I think would be fun to discuss further. Those were of course, Dieter’s plant hobby and the fluffy menace hanging around his house.

To most, these two things may seem very random and unrelated. However, they really aren’t. They do serve a bigger purpose to the story…because of course they do. When do I ever not have deeper meaning behind something, right? 😏

Plant Dad Dieter

First, I have included some more Dieter aesthetic pictures above that I had saved. It's a whole ✨vibe✨. Second, I must thank @readingiskeepingmegoing for coming up with the new #PlantDadDieter hashtag… because it’s so on point. I’m totally going with it! 💜

On to the good stuff...what have we learned about Dieter after the first installment? I think we can safely identify three things: he spends a lot of time alone, he feels misunderstood, and he doesn’t appear to have any deep or meaningful relationships. This will be a theme that comes up a lot with him, especially starting in Week 2 when we open with him having a chat with his therapist.

How does this relate to plants, you ask? Let’s start with Dieter’s history…the man has never had a real relationship. He’s never connected with anyone, whether that be friend or significant other. He was a party boy that indulged in the physical pleasures of life while avoiding any real intimacy. Most of his relationships were based on sex and favors. We will worry about why he is this way later, but for now, just know that’s where he's at emotionally.

Dieter has never really had a bond with anyone or anything. Now that he is sober and realizing how alone he is, he’s seeking that connection any way he can and doesn’t even really realize it (yet).

Sure, being a plantsman does have perks as it is relaxing and can have a positive impact on one’s mental health. However, it’s causing Dieter to learn how to care about something - how to be selfless and nurturing with his time. He has to put in a lot of effort to keep everything alive and healthy and he quickly realizes that putting in that time and energy makes him happy. Also, the plants don't judge him or his past.

Now, for some fun stuff because some of you asked…

Does Dieter talk to his plants? He 100% talks to the plants. He doesn’t know if it actually does anything, but he figures it can’t hurt to try. It also helps him feel less alone as he does see them as living things. They do breathe, eat, and drink after all.

Does Dieter name his plants? I’m inclined to say that he names his favorites. All the others just have random nicknames that change based on their appearance. Like...the "thirsty dramatic bitch" that gets weepy and needs to be watered and turned in the sunlight daily.

Dieter’s Furry Squatter

And let the collective aww's be heard! 🤭

So, I pulled a few pics from Pinterest of what I envision Dieter's furry little visitor looks like. I see it as an adorably fluffy young Maine Coon kitty.

👉 Fun Fact: "The name 'Maine Coon' was adopted after the state of the breed's origin, Maine, and after the early belief that the cat was in fact the result of crossing between domestic breeds and raccoons." (from VioVet)

Funny story, I did not know that fact before choosing this breed. It looks like it was mean-to-be for our loveable trash panda. 😂

Now, I am sure you're asking; how does the cat relate to the plants? The cat serves the same purpose when we think about Dieter's relationships...or lack thereof.

Again, Dieter is craving companionship. He is still reluctant, but this little nugget will eventually become a loving companion for him. It's another avenue for him to create an emotional connection with something. He will learn how to care for the kitty and build a bond. Though the little menace can be a bit sassy, like the plants, it also doesn't judge Dieter by his past. What do you think Dieter should name it? I'm taking suggestions in the comments. 😉

In an odd way, the plants and cat do help Dieter grow as a person. It's baby steps in his personal growth journey. Honestly, as Katrina gets to know Dieter on a more personal level, these are two things that she absolutely loves about him, mostly because it's two things that are unexpected and show what a sweetheart he really is. She sees the good in him even if he can't see it himself.

That's it for your little extra bit of insight...until next time.

💜Mysty

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, alcohol abuse, and drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Closed Position Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime  @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75 @bunniboo0015 @quicax3 @jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap

*If your blog name is marked out, it would not let me tag you. You will need to change your visibility settings for that to work going forward.

[sepublic]

            It’s interesting that S1 is the most conventional in terms of kids’ show formats and lessons, especially given the confirmation that it suffered the most executive meddling (not counting Seasons 2 and 3 dealing with the shortening). S1 is primarily where Luz, as well as King, learn the standard, typical Aesops of ‘Be nice and think of others, don’t be selfish’, that sort of thing. It’s where a humbled Luz is most reminded that she’s not the Main Character, and must be mindful of the people around her… A necessary lesson, keep in mind.

         However, there’s still an undercurrent of her asking and sometimes even demanding things, things she wants and needs and deserves, and Luz gets it! Eda enrolls Luz at Hexside because Luz wants to! Bump lets Luz do multi-track learning after she and the others insist! And that comes to fruition in the rest of the show, as the ideal Luz should accept for herself… Even as the events and trauma of S1 leave Luz with the takeaway that, no, she IS a bad person who is selfish and has hurt others in her narrow-minded pursuits, and must actively atone and cease being a burden.

         I think it’s neat; The first season, the ‘safest’ one, as influenced by Disney, is the one that espouses to Luz to ‘Be a good kid’. But the rest of the show afterwards, more true to Dana’s vision, is Luz encountering the downsides of devoting herself too deeply to that idea, with little to no forgiveness for herself; We see and know the merits of that typical lesson, but it also gets a bit deconstructed as TOH argues it’s just as important, if not moreso, for Luz to take care of herself too, give herself some credit, etc.

         This ‘second phase’ of the show is when Luz really begins to face off with Belos, who is an actual, literal puritan motivated by their ideology. And as I’ve discussed in the past, puritan ideology presumes humanity as existing in a natural state of guilt (which coincides with the Guilty until proven Innocent nature of the witch trials), due to the first sin. As a result, just about anything engaging in pleasure or fun is seen as hedonistic and ‘sinful’, and puritans are expected to constantly atone for their existence by devoting themselves to a higher cause, God and the collective.

         It tracks that the puritan mindset has had its legacy in real life, with a lot of conventional kids’ media reminding their audience not to be a brat; Kids are expected to obey rules, trust in the wisdom of their elders, etc. Stories like Pinocchio come to mind, with Guillermo Del Toro even criticizing it for seeking to ‘tame the child’s spirit’, hence his own version of the tale deconstructing the original by being a defiance to conformity.

         So it’s rather meta that TOH starts off with that surface-level quest to be a responsible child for Luz, in its first season (the executive one, the introductory ‘testing the waters’ season where each episode is about an Aesop). But there’s that undercurrent of Luz being rewarded for thinking about herself; So when the show really begins to dig deeper in Season 2 -being more apparent with its more mature storylines and tone, and less bound by corporate mandates to stick to the regular episodic formula- TOH’s true nature begins to reveal itself.

         Dana did explain that S2 was truer to her vision, and especially in light of the shortening, she outright admitted that the crew went for a more “Screw it, let’s just do what we want” route with TOH, and you can really tell. Dare I say, a more disobedient approach, as a contrast to S1 being more corporate, and on the surface about being the Responsible Child. I find it neat how the writers made Disney’s mandates work (such as Hexside for example), giving us the surface of that conventional story about a child learning to behave herself, only to say But there’s much more to her actualization than that.

         The narrative begins peeling back the layers of that supposed story by showing the consequences of the kid protagonist’s adventure, not just in the trauma, but by displaying how its morally righteous takeaways can lead to toxicity and outright evil, such as with someone like Philip Wittebane. TOH is being nuanced by balancing the selfless and selfish ends of the spectrum, but ultimately it’s finishing on the note of Luz learning to fight for herself, at least as much as she does for others.

         After all, there’s definitely a real-life social trend leaning towards being easier and less punishing on kids; Physical punishment is seen as physical abuse, and people are becoming more aware of just how difficult it really is to be a minor, actually. A lot of conservative groups complain that society has become ‘softer’, but the idea of disobedience and rebellion has become more and more attractive as corporate power constricts and demands you work full-time, emphasizing productivity.

        ‘Empowerment’ is a term that’s more discussed, so when we use that word for minorities, it’s inevitable that people will extend it to adolescents as well, hence the meme of Okay Boomer, as a response to Millennials supposedly ruining everything. Dana herself also mentioned she grew up in a catholic school and was even placed into a headlock by a nun as a child once, which given her story’s villain is a puritan…

         I think TOH argues that Yes, some of the ideas behind being a responsible child do have a bit of a place. BUT, it follows this up with the notion that this default sentiment for kids can and has been damaging, just as S2 follows up on S1’s more corporate, lesson-of-the-day format with a freer story that has Luz struggle with her unfair guilt. The show’s very structure and organization on a meta level ends up reflecting how it offers a typical lesson, but then deconstructs it to argue the opposite is good; Just as Luz enters expecting your regular pretty isekai, but finds something grotesque and demonic, only to accept and embrace that too.

        Luz forgiving her desires pairs with TOH saying it’s okay to be selfish and not expect yourself to be a Hero who saves the world, which is a presumption both egotistical but also demanding. This matches with S2 introducing more prevalently the idea that, hey, maybe kids shouldn’t be expected to save the day either, given the trauma it instills, and the expectation to essentially be a responsible, productive child who is successful in life. That defies the puritan mindset to atone, work hard, and devote yourself to something greater, such as the collective and/or God, which is something American society is continuing to unlearn; And The Owl House reflects these trends as the product of various social movements, such as queer rights.

[pokeberry5]

do you have any tips for drawing dynamic poses? i always love the way you draw bodies!!

i know this has been said a million times but the way i draw bodies significantly improved after i started drawing more frequently from reference. if i cant find a reference for a pose on the internet, i'll just use myself or a friend. i spend an unfortunate amount of time just standing in front of my mirror looking at my own joints. pay attention to where your body curves!!

other than that though—honestly my anatomy/pose knowledge is a whack amalgamation of art tips i've accumulated over the years (i miss old school deviantart/tumblr style art tutorials). i also like to look at how artists i admire draw bodies—what details to they include, what anatomical short-hands etc

i think i'm still figuring out how to draw dynamic poses, but here are some cheats i've picked up (under the cut coz this got long again):

gonna use this stray!tim as a base

the easiest way for make up a pose is to start roughly with the head, collarbones, ribcage, and pelvis — you can build everything from there

here's a couple more of what i mean by the ribcage-pelvis deconstruction:

2. push your perspective a little!! imo things look more dynamic if you move your sight-line up or down—the horizontal orange line here. if you look at the panels above, the sight lines tend to be a little low, at around the character's torso or waist. i did the same below with stray!tim

to do this i usually try to get a sense of the space im working in by putting in some sloppy perspective grids

3. S curves!!! exaggerate the lines of the body. the body naturally has parallel horizontal lines—an easy way to get a body to look less rigid is to tilt those horizontal lines which in turn curves the vertical line of the body

this is what a mean by horizontal lines—usually i use the eyes, shoulders, and hips:

i'm gonna use caterina as a better example—usually you want the horizontal lines to sort of zigzag:

i've also picked up a couple visual tricks that don't exactly add dynamism to a pose? but they do give a static pose a little more oomph. a lot of this is done by visually highlighting one specific point of the body

for our purposes, i'm gonna make the focal point tim's face

motion blur! there are a couple ways to do this. i actually dont like working with traditional motion blur because you have to mess around with selections, so i usually fake motion blur using postional perspective blur:

2. gradient lighting—you can add a lot of depth this way. usually i like setting the gradient in the direction of the focal point, e.g. tim's face

below, i added a layer above the base drawing, used an airbrush to get this gradient, and then set the layer to color burn and lowered the opacity. you can also clip the lighting layer to the base drawing and set it to multiply

below, i did the opposite—instead of adding a gradient shadow, i added gradient light. i set the layer to add this time (instead of color burn) and then lowered the opacity again.

this kinda serves to desaturate the parts of the piece that are less important (ish i was kinda sloppy here), driving the eye to face—the most saturated. the motion blur does a similar thing, where the only thing "in focus" is tim's face

the gradient also sort of adds a directionality to the piece—it starts at the bottom right corner and goes up towards the upper left, causing your eye to follow that same path, which drags your gaze up tim's body

here's what it looks like when i combine 1 and 2:

3. chromatic aberration's been pretty popular recently. it does a similar thing as perspective blur but with more eyestrain (although i went with a really exaggerated version below just to show you what it does) but it looks cool!

bonus cryptid tim as a reward for getting to the end :-)

[simplyemm]

Okay so I've had this Gale brainrot that will not leave me alone (not enough to write it myself, but maybe someone else will appreciate this particular thought).

Imagine a Cleric of Mystra Tav. Probably raised in the temple, not a particularly exciting or impressive person, but dedicated to her Goddess as much as someone who was raised to be is.

And then she pulls her goddess's former Chosen out of a portal and they both have brain worms.

More under the cut because THOUGHTS (also spoilers for the game) CW: discussions of religious deconstruction/trauma, mentions of Mystra being a creepy groomer

The temple definitely knew Gale was Mystra's Chosen, and maybe there was some whispering in the corners about The Incident, but I'm not sure how much the rank and file would know.

So Tav pulls this guy out of a portal and he's all like "Hello, I'm Gale of Waterdeep" and she's just like "oh shit, you're Gale of Waterdeep." Which I'm sure definitely inflates his ego just a teeny-tiny bit. And I definitely think Tav probably has a "oh no, he's hot" kind of moment before she squishes that down, at least initially.

Of course finding out about The Orb and the whole "oh yeah I definitely fucked our goddess" thing makes things slightly awkward. Like how does one deal with having a crush on your literal goddess's ex-lover? (the implications are delicious though). And I could maybe see Astarion or Shadowheart making a comment about Tav taking her goddess's sloppy seconds (jokingly, though I could see a Glare definitely putting a stop to those jokes).

They would still have their little Moment in the Weave after the tiefling party of course, with Tav definitely expressing Interest (even subconsciously) because Of Course. Probably with a healthy heaping of religious guilt, cause like how dare she, he betrayed Mystra blah blah blah.

But then Elminster comes with his message from Mystra asking Gale to blow himself up, which brings us to the part that makes me absolutely fucking feral. Tav is furious that Mystra would ask this of Gale, and even more so that he's considering it.

To the point that (at least using game mechanics) would go to Withers and demand a class change. Story wise I'm imagining that she straight up just like starts training with Lae'zel and gets even better at fighting and just straight up stops using magic. Cue the religious deconstruction and Tav coming to terms with the fact that the goddess she had dedicated her life to is actually a horrid fucking bitch who arguably groomed Gale and all that gross shit.

And I'm sure Gale would have FEELINGS about this, especially if he just happened to find Tav wrapping her holy symbol around a smokepowder bomb and just throwing it into oblivion. But also like, how romantic is it that someone would love you enough to straight up abandon their goddess? And I'm sure they'd have a "What the hells are you doing?" "Nothing." "That wasn't nothing" that devolves into something of an argument that ends with Tav shouting something along the lines of "I'm not going to continue to serve a goddess who demands someone I love blow himself up!" (which of course is A Confession).

And then his scene where he confesses would just be SO GOOD because like, how can you not fall in love with someone who has already shown such love the way Tav has?

And then even more if they go to the Stormshore Tabernacle and some of the clerics there knew Tav and there's even more stuff with that. Just a sprinkling of angst because I mean, of course.

Maybe it's my own religious deconstruction talking, but I just think that dynamic would be *chef's kiss*

[inner-viper]

How to read tarot cards- Inner Viper

Hello, I have been getting a lot of messages regarding how I read tarot. I have not been ignoring those messages but I wanted to answer this in a post rather than explaining it through DMs/Ask. Reading tarot is more simple than you think it is! Whatever you think “reading” the cards is, throw it out the window.

Remember to knock on the deck, blow it away, and begin shuffling. There are different methods to cleanse the deck. You should cleanse with incense if you can but you can also use a bell to cleanse it. This will provide a clean energy state of the deck, therefore the deck won’t be influenced by “negative” energy. Technically, you are just refreshing the deck's energy and pouring your energy into it. Once you call on the spirits, they will also pour their own energy into you and then that energy reaches the deck.

Now, when you ask a generic question, for example, say “What traits does my FS like about me?”. This question will give me the answer that I am looking for. Sometimes you need to specify the question better in order to get more accurate and in-depth responses. There are times when you could simply be asking the wrong questions and you will get the “wrong” answer, thus the answer is not what you are looking for. It is about defining the problem and understanding what it is you are truly asking.

Let’s begin with a basic three-card layout. Example: “What does my FS like about me?”

The cards: Knight of Cups, The Lovers, and The Tower

When I see these cards I usually get intuitive messages because of mediumship, the more you practice tarot the more “psychic” you become. It is like working out a muscle, you need to continue lifting weights and increasing the amounts steadily in order to get better at it. Every little thing matters when it comes to being intuitive.

If I start to feel aroused, and my body becomes warmer. Then, I start to get random images of sex positions in my head. Then, I could conclude that this is what my FS likes about me. What do you feel the general energy during your reading? You should evaluate what you are picking up on. I would say the general energy would be fun, romantic, emotional, and a bit chaotic. This is also reflected on the cards itself.

Now, for the cards itself. You can read them by looking at the images and interpreting them as well. The knight of cups is charging into the lovers and then it is met by the tower. This could indicate how they like how I offer emotional support with love, only to then turn my advice and nurture to myself. Causing a revelation, a deconstruction of myself. This only happens after I meet with them, whence the tower. In the tower, there are two people falling off the tower. This could be interpreted as me and my FS having revelations of where we need to destroy preconceived notions from poor foundational buildings.

Then, you will read what the cards mean. We did technically read the cards by interpreting the images. This sometimes doesn’t work when we are reading certain decks. The meaning behind each card can be read but remember your intuition is key here alongside discernment.

I will be using Wikipedia as a source but typically you should have a handbook that comes with your deck.

Knight of Cups- Divination usage If the card is upright, it represents change and new excitements, particularly of a romantic nature. It can mean invitations, opportunities, and offers. The knight of cups is a person who is a bringer of ideas, opportunities and offers. He is constantly bored, and in constant need of stimulation, but also artistic and refined. He represents a person who is amiable, intelligent, and full of high principles, but a dreamer who can be easily persuaded or discouraged.

Reversed, the card represents unreliability and recklessness. It indicates fraud, false promises and trickery. It represents a person who has trouble discerning when and where the truth ends and lies begin. Interpretation According to A.E. Waite's 1910 book Pictorial Key to the Tarot, the Lovers card carries several divinatory associations:[1]

THE LOVERS—Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome. Reversed: Failure, foolish designs. Another account speaks of marriage frustrated and contrarieties of all kinds.

The Tower-Symbolism The Tower is widely associated to danger, crisis, sudden change, destruction, higher learning, and liberation.[6] In the Rider–Waite deck, the top of The Tower is a crown, which symbolizes materialistic thought being bought cheap, downcast We can read through the meanings of the card and interpret exactly what it means with the use of intuition. If it resonates then it is for you, if it doesn’t then it is not for you. This does not mean that you can ignore the “negative” interpretations of the deck. It just means that you will need to use your intuition to see how this applies to your reading. In this case, the tower was not “negative” but it did indicate chaos. Referring back to Wikipedia, there are keywords such as “sudden change”, “higher learning”, and “liberation”. These keywords are not “negative” but rather “positive” in this reading.

Now, notice how we connected all of this. There is no disconnection with the tarot cards. Sometimes we can struggle with connecting the cards in the spread but that’s why you can always do different spreads to help you.

If you don’t understand the answer then reshuffle the deck and ask again.

Reversed cards do not always indicate "opposite meanings" it can represent a blockage. An excess amount of energy, a lack of energy, and etc. Use your intuition to guide you and only implement reversals when you feel comfortable doing so. For example, If I get the king of wands in reverse, the meaning could be I am overcontrolling, a masculine figure in my life is overcontrolling. There is a situation where I am keeping my creative energy locked. Sometimes it could mean, bottling emotions until you explode. These are all different meanings and I would use my intuition to pick up on what is correct.

[starlight-tav]

Shadowheart and Religious Trauma

Warnings: MAJOR spoilers for Shadowheart's companion quest, religious abuse/trauma, anxiety, grief

Note: I'll probably revisit this one day when it's not so fresh in my mind and hopefully I'll make more sense then. For now, these are my thoughts, jumbled and raw

One of the most heartbreaking things for me while playing BG3 was Shadowheart's story and how analogous it is to religious deconstruction.

I was raised in a Christian cult – I won't go in depth about the abuses I suffered within, but I will say that the pain is always with me, much like the curse of Shar that lingers within Shadowheart until you make your final decisions in the House of Grief.

Shadowheart travels an arduous path from Shar's embrace to freedom; she's zealous when you first meet her, having been stripped of her entire identity. Shar and her followers have not only taken her name, her memories, and caused her immeasurable mental and physical harm; they have also taken her family, warped her only memory of her father into a source of paralyzing fear.

If you establish a bond with Shadowheart, you see her start to question the curse bestowed on her. She begins to doubt the "lesson" her goddess must be teaching her. And then you meet the Nightsong, the ultimate test of her faith.

If Shadowheart spares Dame Aylin's life, she turns her back on her goddess and the only community she's ever known up until the tadpole brought you together. She doesn't have to make this decision alone. She has you and your other companions standing with her. She spares the Nightsong and rejects the cruel deity she's spent her life serving.

Shadowheart appears more hopeful, more determined than ever. With your help, she's going to find her parents and save them from the goddess.

You fight side by side through the dark disciples and the Mother Superior in the House of Grief. You get the key to the dungeon. You find her parents. There's an impossibly brief moment where you think we did it. And then Shar shows herself.

She tells Shadowheart to make the choice between her own freedom and her parents' lives. This decision devastated me. I had to close the game. I had to take a breath and calm down. Because I had to make that decision too.

I had to decide between my own life and a relationship with the people who raised me. I could come out and reject everything I'd been taught, severing the bonds between myself and the people who perpetuated my pain; or I could carry on in service until it killed me.

When Shadowheart was presented the options, there was no question in my mind as to what I was going to choose. But I didn't know if that was because it was what was best for me or for her.

This is where Shadowheart's story diverts the most from my own. Her parents wanted her to be free. Their faith in Selûne would transform them, bring them peace, and keep them close to her. Knowing this, I urged Shadowheart to take their lives, putting them at rest. She did.

Shadowheart is free from the Lady of Loss now. But she grieves. She'll never hear her parents' laughs. She'll never feel their comforting touches or receive their careful wisdom. That pain is real, and it'll never disappear. But the hope is that she won't be alone. She has your merry band of weirdos after all.

That's what has saved me too. My friends, the queer and neurodivergent communities, support from my therapist. It'll always hurt, but with their help I'll survive it.

Larian is such an amazing team. The care they've put into telling stories of survival, grief, love, healing, and tough decisions is so amazing. I'm grateful for their hard work and creativity. The moments of hurt and the moments of catharsis will stay with me for a long, long time.

[lenaboskow]

gay!eddie is happening in the near future, a post brought to you by someone who spends way too much time dissecting queer media (and usually ends up being at least half right)

bear with me, it's a long one under the cut

i have a longer, more scene specific post that i will finish during the break if nothing happens tonight but i am a full believer that eddie's big arc this season (or next season, depending) is that the reason none of his past relationships worked out is because he's gay (not bi, gay)

disclaimers: i fully believe eddie loved shannon, just not the way he wanted to. you can also be gay and still enjoy heterosexual sex. sometimes sex really is just sex. this post is purely about romantic attraction.

I also tried to leave as much out about buck as possible (though that's hard, the man is obviously an integral part of his life) because gay!eddie diaz will happen no matter if buddie is endgame, and people need to realize that. their sexualities are more than just about each other.

anyways, on to the post-

it's canon that eddie will put christopher first when it comes to deciding relationships, and i think we first see that with shannon. rewatching season 2, i didn't get the impression that he wanted a romantic relationship with her, but he wanted her back in his son's life, and to eddie, those two go hand in hand.

and, if we're being honest, i think eddie's habit of putting other people first is the whole reason he got with shannon, because his family taught him that he was supposed to find a nice girl and settle down. who better to do that with than his best friend? my theory is further proven when shannon gets pregnant and eddie marries her out of a sense of duty, and then immediately ships off to afghanistan under the pretense of "providing" (and isn't it something that he picks a profession where he'll be away from his family for months at a time)

the only reason eddie returned is because of the helicopter crash, to which shannon immediately started talking about moving to california. while i believe that wanting to rest after the crash could be part of the reason he was hesitant, i think there was also a fear of what would happen when he was no longer near his family he was trying to please.

of course, eddie eventually moves to la after getting a job offer from both lafd and chicago. carla mentions that it is only thirty minutes from shannon, and while that could be because he wanted to reconcile, i think it was more to do with wanting to have his son's mother near. that, and lafd is the best in the world (according to eddie)

eddie only kisses shannon in 2x07 after she does her family interview for the school. this specific fact coupled with the absence of the eddie diaz heart eyes™️ (which, despite his closing off at the beginning of the series, we'd already seen in 2x01 when he and buck call truce) makes me believe he realized he could trust her and wanted her back in his son's life, and the way to do that was to get back together.

"but they hid their relationship for a while" eddie was still scared. comphet is a real thing, and causes people to act on things they necessarily don't want. i believe he pursued a romantic relationship with shannon because that's what she wanted, and if he kept her happy, she wouldn't leave again. this is why i wish we could've seen divorced shannon/eddie instead of her dying immediately, and i wonder if maybe it would've sped up the whole deconstruction process for him.

the next time eddie dates, it's with ana. on paper, ana is the perfect wife for him. she's a teacher, knows how to handle kids, is latina, the whole package. eddie tries so hard to make it work, that it actually does, and this causes him to panic. both carla and buck tell eddie not to take just chris into consideration, but to make sure he wants it too, and after some time, he breaks it off with her. the way ana reacted to the breakup makes me wonder if she could also sense the reason for the breakup.

marisol is where it starts to get tricky, but i feel like we've seen enough (or not enough) in these four episodes to piece some information together. chris is the one who encourages eddie to call her, and that makes me wonder if that's the reason they're still together. before the promo of the bucktommy date eddie and marisol crash, we only got two mentions of marisol, and both times was in relation to her helping with chris. at this point, eddie has spent more time with tommy than he has with marisol, as far as we're aware.

the synopsis of tonight's ep says that eddie and marisol "take a closer look at their relationship" and given that we haven't seen much of them on screen, it makes me wonder what this could be about. does it maybe have something to do with them crashing the bucktommy date?

obviously, i wouldn't be mad if eddie turned out to be bi. however, to me, all of his relationships seem be a big case of comphet. speaking from experience, as someone who's pursued relationships with men purely because that's what i was expected to do, not because i actually wanted to be with them. and just like eddie, there was a time where if my best friend (who was of the opposite gender) had asked me out, I would've said yes and married him had it come to that, because it would've made my family happy. i've gotten to a point where i don't care what my conservative family thinks or wants, and i truly believe that this season, we'll see eddie get to that place to.

if you've made it this far, thank you for listening, and here's to hoping we get gay!eddie tonight.

tag: @queeredmundo

[intersexbookclub]

Summary: Chapter 4 of Critical Intersex

For many of us, Chapter 4 of Critical Intersex (2009) turned out to be a particularly rich source of information about intersex history. So I (Elizabeth) have decided to give a fairly detailed summary of the chapter because I think it’s important to get that info out there. I’m gonna give a little bit of commentary as I go, and then a summary of our book club discussion of the chapter.

The chapter is titled “(Un)Queering identity: the biosocial production of intersex/DSD” by Alyson K. Spurgas. It is a history of ISNA, the Intersex Society of North America, and how it went from being a force for intersex liberation to selling out the movement in favour of medicalization. (See here for summary of the other chapters we read of the book!)

Our high level reactions:

Elizabeth (@ipso-faculty): Until I read chapter 4, I didn't really realise how reactionary “DSD” was. It hadn't been clear to me how much it was a response to the beginning of an organized intersex advocacy movement in the United States.

Michelle (@scifimagpie): I could feel the fury in the writer's tone. It was a real barn burner.

Also Michelle: the fuckin' respectability politics of DSD really got under my skin, as a term! I know the importance, as a queer person, of not forcing people to ID as queer, but this was a lot.

Introducing the chapter

The introduction sets the tone by talking about how in the Victorian era there was a historical shift from intersex being a religious/juridical issue to a pathology, and how this was intensified in the 1950s with John Money’s invention of the optimal gender rearing model. 

Spurgas briefly discusses how the OGR model is harmful to intersex people, and how it iatrogenically produces sexual dysfunction and gender dysphoria. “Iatrogenic” means caused by medicine; iatrogenesis is the production of disease or other side-effects as a result of medical intervention.

This sets scene for why in the early 1990s, Cheryl Chase and other intersex activists founded the Intersex Society of North America (ISNA). It had started as a support group, and morphed significantly over its lifetime. ISNA closed up shop in 2008.

Initially, ISNA was what we’d now call interliberationist. They were anti-pathologization. Their stance was that intersexuality is not itself pathological and the wellbeing of intersex people is endangered by medical intervention. They organized around the abolition of surgical intervention. They also created fora like Hermaphrodites With Attitude for the deconstruction of bodies/sexes/genders and development of an intersex identity that was inherently queer. 

The early ISNA activists explicitly aligned intersexuality in solidarity with LGB and transgender organizing. There was a belief that similar to LGBT organizing, once intersex people got enough visibility and consciousness-raising, people would “come out” in greater numbers (p100).

By the end of the 90s, however, many intersex people were actively rejecting being seen as queer and as political subjects/actors. The organization had become instead aligned with surgeons and clinicians, had replaced “intersex” with “DSD” in their language.

By the time ISNA disbanded in 2008 they had leaned in hard on a so-called “pragmatic” / “harm reduction” model / “children’s rights perspective”. The view was that since infants in Western countries are “born medical subjects as it is” (p100)

Where did DSD come from? 

In 2005, the term “disorders of sexual differentiation” had been recently coined in an article by Alice Dreger, Cheryl Chase, “and three other clinicians associated with the ISNA… [so as] to ‘label the condition rather than the person’” (p101). Dreger et al thought that intersex was “not medically accurate” (p101) and that the goal should be effective nomenclature to “sort patients into diagnostically meaningful groups” (p101).

Dreger et al argued that the term intersex “attracts the interest of a large number of people whose interest is based on a sexual fetish and people who suffer from delusions about their own medical histories” (Dreger et al quoted on p101)

Per Spurgas, Dreger et al had an explicit agenda of “distancing intersex activism from queer and transgressive sex/gender politics and instead in supporting Western medical productions of intersexuality” (p102). In other words: they were intermedicalists.

According to Dreger et al, an alignment with medicine is strategically important because intersex people often require medical attention, and hence need to be legible to clinicians. “For those in favor of the transition to DSD, intersex is first and foremost a disorder requiring medical treatment” (p102)

Later in 2005 there was a “Intersex Consensus Meeting” organized by a society of paediatricians and endocrinologists. Fifty “experts” were assembled from ten countries (p101)... with a grand total of two actually intersex people in attendance (Cheryl Chase and Barbara Thomas, from XY-Frauen). 

At the meeting, they agreed to adopt the term DSD along with a “‘patient-centred’ and ‘evidence-based’ treatment protocol” to replace the OGR treatment model (p101)

In 2006, a consortium of American clinicians and bioethicists was formed and created clinical guidelines for treating DSDs. They defined DSD quite narrowly: if your gonads or genitals don’t match your gender, or you have a sex chromosome anomaly. So no hormonal variations like hyperandrogenism allowed.

The pro-DSD movement: it was mostly doctors

Spurgas quotes the consortium: “note that the term ‘intersex’ is avoided here because of its imprecision” (p102) - our highlight. There’s a lot of doctors hating on intersex for being a category of political organizing that gets encoded as the category is “imprecise” 👀

Spurgas gets into how the doctors dressed up their re-pathologization of intersex as “patient centred” (p103) - remember this is being led by doctors, not patients, and any intersex inclusion was tokenistic. (Elizabeth: it was amazing how much bs this was.)

As Spurgas puts it, the pro-DSD movement “represents an abandonment of the desire for a pan-intersexual/queer identity and an embrace of the complete medicalization of intersex… the intersex individual is now to be understood fundamentally as a patient” (p103)

Around the same time some paediatricians almost came close to publicly advocating against infant genital mutilation by denouoncing some infant surgeries. Spurgas notes they recommended “that intersex individuals be subjected (or self-subject) to extensive psychological/psychiatric, hormonal, steroidal and other medical” interventions for the rest of their lives (p103).

This call to instead focus on non-surgical medical interventions then got amplified by other clinicians and intermedicalist intersex advocacy organizations.

The push for non-surgical pathologization hence wound up as a sort of “compromise” path - it satisfied the intermedicalists and anti-queer intersex activists, and had the allure of collaborating with doctors to end infant surgeries. (Note: It is 2024 and infant surgeries are still a thing 😡.)

The pro-DSD camp within the intersex community

Spurgas then goes on to get into the discursive politics of DSD. There’s some definite transphobia in the push for “people with DSDs are simply men and women who happen to have congenital birth conditions” (p104). (Summarizer’s note: this language is still employed by anti-trans activists.)

The pro-DSD camp claimed that it was “a logical step in the ‘evolution in thinking’” 💩 and that it would be a more “humane” treatment model (p105) 💩

Also that “parents and doctors are not going to want to give a child a label with a politicized meaning” (p104) which really gives the game away doesn’t it? Intersex people have started raising consciousness, demanding their rights, and asserting they are not broken, so now the poor doctors can’t use the label as a diagnosis. 🤮

Spurgas quotes Emi Koyama, an intermedicalist who emphasized how “most intersex people identify as ‘perfectly ordinary, heterosexual, non-trans men and women’” (p104) along with a whole bunch of other quotes that are obviously queerphobic. Note from Elizabeth: I’m not gonna repeat it all because it’s gross. In my kindest reading of this section, it reads like gender dysphoria for being mistaken as genderqueer, but instead of that being a source of solidarity with genderqueers it is used as a form of dual closure (when a minority group goes out of its way to oppress a more marginalized group in order to try and get acceptance with the majority group).

Koyama and Dreger were explicitly anti-trans, and viewed intergender type stuff as “a ‘trans co-optation’ of intersex identity” (p105) 🤮

Most intersex people resisted “DSD” from its creation

On page 106, Spurgas shifts to talking about how a lot intersex people were resistant to the DSD shift. Organization Intersex International (OII) and Bodies Like Ours (BLO) were highly critical of the shift! 💛 BLO in particular noted that 80-90% of their website users were against the DSD term. Note from Elizabeth: indeed, every survey I’ve seen on the subject has been overwhelmingly against DSD - a 2015 IHRA survey found only 3% of intersex Australians favoured the DSD term.

Proponents of “intersex” over “DSD” testified to it being depathologizing. They called out the medicalization as such: that it serves to reinforce that “intersex people don’t exist” (David Cameron, p107), that it is damaging to be “told they have a disorder” (Esther Leidolf, p107), that there is “a purposeful conflation of treatment for ‘health reasons’ and ‘cosmetic reasons’ (Curtis Hinkle, p107), and that it’s being pushed mainly by perisex people as a reactionary, assimilationist endeavour (ibid).

Interliberationism never went away - intersex people kept pushing for 🌈 queer solidarity 🌈 and depathologization - even though ISNA, the largest intersex advocacy organization, had abandoned this position.

Spurgas describes how a lot of criticism of DSD came from non-Anglophone intersex groups, that the term is even worse in a lot of languages - it connotes “disturbed” in German and has an ambiguity with pedophilia and fetishism in French (p111).

The DSD push was basically entirely USA-based, with little international consultation (p111). Spurgas briefly addresses the imperialism inherent in the “DSD” term on pages 118/119.

Other noteworthy positions in the DSD debate

Spurgas gives a well-deserved shout out to the doctors who opposed the push to DSD, who mostly came from psychiatry and opposed it on the grounds that the pathologization would be psychologically damaging and that intersex patients “have taken comfort (and in many cases, pride) in their (pan-)intersex identity” (p108) 🌈 - Elizabeth: yay, psychiatrists doing their job! 

Interestingly, both sides of the DSD issue apparently have invoked disability studies/rights for their side: Koyama claimed DSD would herald the beginning of a disability rights based era of intersex activism (p109) while anti-DSDers noted the importance in disability rights in moving away from pathologization (p109).

Those who didn’t like DSD but who saw a strategic purpose for it argued it would “preser[ve] the psychic comfort of parents”, that there is basically a necessity to coddle the parents of intersex children in order to protect the children from their parents. (p110) 

Some proposed less pathologizing alternatives like “variations of sex development” and “divergence of sex development” (p110)

The DSD treatment model and the intersex treadmill

Remember all intersex groups were united that sex assignment surgery on infants needs to be abolished. The DSD framework that was sold as a shift away from surgical intervention, but it never actually eradicated it as an option (p112).  Indeed, it keeps ambiguous the difference between medically necessary surgical intervention and culturally desired cosmetic surgery (p112). (Note from Elizabeth: funny how *this* ambiguity is acceptable to doctors.)

What DSD really changed was a shift from “fixing” the child with surgery to instead providing “lifelong ‘management’ to continue passing” (p112), resulting in more medical intervention, such as through hormonal and behavioural therapies to “[keep] it in remission” (p113).

Cheryl Chase coined the “intersex treadmill’: the never-ending drive to fit within a normative sex category (p113), which Spurgas deploys to talk about the proliferation of “lifelong treatments” and how it creates the need for constant surveillance of intersex bodies (p114). Medical specialization adds to the proliferation, as one needs increasingly more specialists who have increasingly narrow specialties.

There’s a cruel irony in how the DSD model pushes for lifelong psychiatric and psychological care of intersex patients so as to attend to the PTSD that is caused by medical intervention. (p115) It pushes a capitalistic model where as much money can be milked as possible out of intersex patients (p116).

The DSD treatment model, if it encourages patients to find community at all, hence pushes condition-specific medical support groups rather than pan-intersex advocacy groups (p115)

Other stuff in the chapter

Spurgas does more Foucault-ing at the end of the chapter. Highlight: “The intersex/DSD body is a site of biosocial contestation over which ways of knowing not only truth of sex, but the truth of the self, are fought. Both intelligibility and tangible resources are the prizes accorded to the winner(s) of the battle over truth of sex” (p117)

There’s some stuff on the patient-as-consumer that didn’t really land with anybody at the book club meeting - we’re mostly Canadians and the idea of patient-as-consumer isn’t relatable. Ei noted it isn’t even that relatable from their position as an American.

***

Having now summarized the chapter, here's a summary of our discussion at book club...

Opening reactions

Michelle (M): the way the main lady involved became medicalized really made my heart sink, reading that.

Elizabeth (E): I do remember some discussion of intersex people in the 90s, and it never really grew in the way that other queer identities did! This has kind of helped for me to understand what the fuck happened here.

E: It was definitely a very insightful reading on that part, while being absolutely outraging. I didn't know, but I guess I wasn't surprised at how pivotal US-centrism was. The author was talking about "North American centric" though but always meant the United States!!! Canada was just not part of this! They even make mention of Quebec as separate and one of the opposing regions. I was like, What are you doing here, America? You are not the entirety of our continent!!!

E: The feedback from non-Anglophone intersex advocates that DSD does not translate was something that I was like, "Yes!" For me, when I read the French term - that sounded like something that would include vaginismus, erectile dysfunction - it sounds far more general and negative.

M: the fuckin' respectability politics of DSD really got under my skin, as a term! I know the importance, as a queer person, of not forcing people to ID as queer, but this was a lot.

E: it was very assimilationist in a way that was very upsetting. I knew intellectually that this was going on. There was such a distinct advocacy push for that. The coddling of parents and doctors at the expense of intersex people was such a theme of this chapter, in a way that was very upsetting. They started out with this goal of intersex liberation, and instead, wound up coddling parents and doctors.

Solidarities

M: I feel like there's a real ableist parallel to the autism movement here… It dovetails with how the autism movement was like, "Aww, we're sorry about your emotionless monster baby! This must be so hard for you [parents]!" And it felt like "aw, it's okay, we'll fix your baby so they can interface with heterosexuality!" [Note: both of us are neurodivergent]

E: A lot of intersexism is a fear that you're going to have a queer child, both in terms of orientation and gender.

E: You cannot have intersex liberation without putting an end to homophobia and transphobia.

M: We're such natural allies there!

E: I understand that there are these very dysphoric ipsogender or cisgender people, who don't want to be mistaken as trans, but like it or not, their rights are linked to trans people! When I encounter these people, I don't know how to convey, "whether you like it or not, you're not going to get more rights by doing everything you can to be as distant as possible."

M: it reminds me of the movements by some younger queers to adhere to respectability politics.

E: Oh no. There are younger queers who want respectability politics????

M: well, some younger queers are very reactionary about neopronouns and kink at pride. they don't always know the difference between representation and "imposing" kinks on others. In a way, it reminds me of the more intentional rejection of queer weirdos, or queerdos, if you will, by republican gays.

E: I feel like a lot of anti-queerdom that comes out of the ipso and cisgender intersex community reads as very dysphoric to me. That needs to be acknowledged as gender dysphoria.

M: That resonates to me. When I heard about my own androgen imbalance, I was like, "does that mean I'm not a real woman?" And now I would happily say "fuck that question," but we do need an empathy and sensitivity for that experience. Though not tolerance for people who invalidate others, to be honest.

E: The term "iatrogensis" was new to me. The term refers to a disease caused or aggravated by medical intervention.

M: So like a surgical complication, or gender dysphoria caused by improper medical counselling!

The DSD debate

ei: i think the "disorder" discussion is really interesting. in my opinion, if someone feels their intersex condition is a disorder they have every right to label it that way, but if someone does not feel the same they have every right to reject the disorder label. personally i use the label "condition". i don't agree with forcing labels on anyone or stripping them away from anyone either.

M: for me, it felt like a cautionary tale about which labels to accept.

ei: i'm all around very tired of people label policing others and making blanket statements such as "all people who are this have to use this label”... i also use variation sometimes, i tend to go back and forth between variation and condition. I think it's a delicate balance between being sensitive to people's label preferences vs making space for other definitions/communities.

We then spoke about language for a bunch of communities (Black people, non-binary people) for a while

E: one thing that was very harrowing for me about this chapter is that while there was this push to end coercive infant surgery, they basically ceded all of the ground on "interventions" happening from puberty onward. And as someone who has had to fight off coercive medical interventions in puberty, I have a lot of trauma about violent enforcement of femininity and the medical establishment.

ei: i completely agree that it's psychologically harmful tbh…. i was assigned male at birth and my doctors want me to start testosterone to make me more like a perisex male. which is extremely counterproductive because i'm literally transfem and have expressed this many times

Doctors Doing Harm

M: for me, the validation of how doctors can be harmful in this chapter meant a lot.

E: something that surprised me and made me happy was that there were some psychiatrists who spoke out against the DSD label. As someone who routinely hears a lot of anti-psychiatry stuff - because there's a lot of good reason to be skeptical of psychiatry, as a discipline - it was just nice to see some psychiatrists on the right side of things, doing right by their patients. Psychiatrists were making the argument that DSD would be psychologically harmful to a lot of intersex people.

ei: like. being told that something so inherently you, so inherently linked to your identity and sense of self, is a disorder of sexual development, something to be fixed and corrected. that has to be so harmful

ei: like i won't lie i do have a lot of severe trauma surrounding the way i've been treated due to being intersex. but so much of my negative experiences are repetitive smaller things. Like the way people treat me like my only purpose is to teach them about intersex people …. either that or they get really creepy and gross. I’m lucky in that i'm not visibly intersex, so i do have the privilege of choosing who knows. but there's a reason why i usually don't tell people irl.

M: intersex and autism have overlap again about how like, minor presentation can be? As opposed to the sort of monstrous presentation [Carnival barker impression] "Come see the sensational half-man, half-woman! Behold the h-------dite!" And like - the way nonverbal people are also treated feels relevant to that, because that's how autism is often treated, like a freakshow and a pity party for the parents? And it's so dehumanizing. And as someone who might potentially have a nonverbal child, because my wife is expecting and my husband and she both have ADHD - I'm just very fed up with ableism and the perception of monstrosity.

Overall, this was a chapter that had a lot to talk about! See here for our discussion of Chapters 5-7 from the same volume.

[soobberries]

Dilf!Seonghwa pt 2.

Author's Note: Mayhaps I'm tempted to make this a proper fic series and rewrite it... But for now, it's going to be a 'deconstructed fanfiction' as I call it. Let me know if you want a part 3! Feedback is always appreciated too!

Also, this hasn't been properly proofread :p

Warning: Despite this technically being based on a legal reader, since there is a somewhat large age gap - thought I would clarify:

Please be aware that I do not condone any type of relationships between minors and adults, nor do I encourage the idea of being a homewrecker. This is all just fiction! So without further ado, let’s get started!

Genre: Doesn’t exactly have one but has elements of crack and is suggestive.

Age: This is written for a somewhat mature audience so please, no under 16s. Stay safe younglings <3

Word Count: 3.9k

Part one: click here!

Yeah booooiiiiiz, let’s go!

After the first encounter at the fundraiser, which by the way, was ruined by some PTA moms gossiping outside the bathroom door (which caused you and Mr. Park to get the shock of your lives. Fumbling around the enclosed space in slight panic with the sudden reality check of where you two were). 

It ended in him having covered your exposed self with his blazer, insisting you can keep it, secretly in hopes that it would be an excuse to somehow see you again. 

Despite it being painfully awkward (read: unlawful), you were far too intrigued by Mr. Park to let that be your last encounter as well. 

I mean who can blame you? It was a day that definitely took you for a ride (and perhaps not the exact one you would prefer but who knows, maybe it'll lead to the ideal one 🤪). 

jk jk… Unless-

Sometimes you even question if it was a fever dream or something but… you knew it wasn't- 

… the blazer stared you down a lot. It definitely was real. 

So you maaaay have decided against your better judgment to look after Nila a whole lot more these days, just in the rare case you may bump into him :D

You’ve been pretty unlucky though.

You’ve become used to seeing Yerim running towards you with Nila to give you hugs though… which honestly? A very wholesome experience so you can't complain. 

Yerim loved you now since Nila was her best friend and if you were taking Yerim back to Nila’s house or they were going to hang out, you’d take them out for ice cream secretly without their parents knowing (which made it even more exciting for them).

Listen, part of you knew that maybe all this was stupid, and the chances of seeing him were slim, but it wasn’t all too bad and you didn’t have anything to lose.

These two kids were basically like your own but without the burden and responsibility of being an actual parent, and you were making some decent cash over the summer (plus your mom was pleased with how much you were helping her co-worker since it helped their relationship too.) 

Which was great honestly. You grew to like the two munchkins since they weren’t bad or rude. They were both a little chaotic and loud at times, but overall, just really sweet, happy kids. You couldn’t help but cherish them.

So even without seeing the handsome devil himself, you felt satisfied with your looney decision as it came with other benefits. 

It wasn’t until one particular day after the girls had some late afternoon sports practice that you ended up finally seeing the man that's been plaguing your thoughts for the past while. 

Of course, you were excited to see that he was indeed, not a figment of your imagination anymore, however, you weren't as happy as you thought you'd be. 

In fact, you were pretty angry when you did end up seeing him…

You had good reason to be though.

After their practice, Nila asked if you and her could wait with Yerim until her mom came to fetch her so she wouldn’t be alone...and yes perhaps some undying curiosity about who the mysterious ‘Mrs Park’ actually was, was urging you to stay…

But you did also care for the two girls so it was a no-brainer when you ultimately sat down with them outside at one of the nearby benches, not really bothered.

. 

… 

Uhhhh… nevermind?

It’s been about an hour and both girls were getting restless, as well as yourself. 

Where was Mrs Park, or at the very least, the driver she often sent to fetch Yerim instead? 

You offered your phone to Yerim, and she was polite and thankful at the gesture, however, after dialing the number she knew off by heart twice, her mother didn’t answer, so she phoned the only other number she knew: her dad.

Seonghwa’s coupe rolled up about thirty minutes after the call, and if it weren’t for the circumstance, you’d be eyeing down his expensive car more carefully.

“Daddy!” Yerim shouted, running towards him with her arms open, only relief and excitement in her voice.

He leaned down waiting for her hug before embracing her into his arms.

“Hey sweetheart! Sorry, I made you wait, love. Why don’t you go put your stuff in the car while Daddy speaks to Y/n?”

(score, he remembers your name. Yerim must mention you at home sometimes). 

The girl nodded, running towards you to give you a hug as a thank you before running off to the car with her things, Nila assisting in carrying her lunchbox and maths book to the car as well.

You stood arms crossed and all, staring him down expectantly. 

Seonghwa gulped at how scary the aura you were exuding appeared to be.

“Nice to see you again,” is all he could get out with a small smile; meekly, at that.

Your knees were weak at the sight of his smile but your head was still strong.

“You made your kid wait two hours, you know that? They close facilities in fifteen minutes. How could you let her wait so long?” You spoke calmly, but Seonghwa couldn’t help but feel a little ashamed despite the gentle voice.

It felt like you were aggressively scolding him, despite you actually being more reasonable than perhaps the situation granted.

His chest tightened; he knew it was because he hated seeing you even slightly upset, he just wasn’t exactly sure why.

It just gave him an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, as if he feared something…

“Her mom was supposed to come and she didn’t. Apparently, she had work and forgot to tell me…” He uttered while gazing at the floor and clasping his hands awkwardly in front of him.

It was the first time Seonghwa didn’t have this confident flair that was always present, even if it was just in his walk.

He genuinely looked upset with himself and it made your heart drop a little, realizing that it’s not really your place to speak about what you did. You were just some girl, You crossed the line…

But it obviously wasn’t purposeful and granted, something had to be said. Being left at school by your parents can sometimes be the worst feeling after a long school day, and you know Yerim has mentioned waiting at school for a long while more than once.

“Hey,” You reached over towards him, placing your hands atop his shoulders.

“It wasn’t your fault. You were busy right?”

Seonghwa, with a spark in his eye, looked towards you, hesitantly nodding.

He had a small pout displayed and for a second you couldn’t help but wonder how the hell this handsome, adult man could look so cute.

No wait, be serious here!

“It just shouldn’t become a habit. I saw how sad Yerim looked when her mom didn’t pick up the phone, but she said she’s used to it...I, I know it’s not my place, but I just worry for her. Sorry for overstepping.”

You let out a sigh looking away, before retracting your hands, wanting to give him some personal space.

But you couldn’t because when you pulled away he grabbed your forearms pulling you to your previous spot which was closer to him.

He trailed his hands gently down your arms, grasping your hands in his own.

“It’s okay. You’re right. I just, really didn’t know,” He said tenderly. 

His voice is only loud enough to reach your ears, and your ears alone.

“If you ever need me to urgently help out with Yerim, I don’t mind…” You said, trying to ignore the close proximity between the two of you and the very much intentional hand-holding.

Everything felt still and peaceful,

Perhaps it was due to the school being mainly empty and the sky getting darker but for a moment things stopped for a second, it was just you two in each other’s company while silence encompassed the two of you.

“It’s nice having someone like you care so much for her...and me as well. I’ll keep that in mind.” he gave your hands a soft squeeze.

Ignoring the heat rising to your face, you sent him a bashful smile. 

"Uhh, you should get going…" You said uncertainly, trying to be responsible, but you knew deep down that you didn't want to let go of him just yet. 

"You're right… Before I leave, can I have your number? For emergencies, like you said." He uttered out, letting go of your hands to reach for his phone, causing you to realize how warm his hands were keeping yours. 

“I actually still need to return your blazer…” you mumbled mindlessly, as you took his phone, typing away.

He chuckled, placing his hand on the back of his neck, “Right, I almost forgot! Seems I remembered everything else about you that day except that,” he said, only to somewhat regret his ambiguous words after they came out of his mouth. 

You nodded, unsure exactly what he entailed, but you had a good idea of what he may have been referring to.

You awkwardly exchanged numbers with him before you both parted ways.

This was a bad idea…Offering up your services just like that… Especially since it’s not null of selfish intentions.

But, for now, if no one is getting harmed, then, whatever.

You’ll handle what comes when you get there if you get there.

So lil time skip of about two weeks and you’re chilling, procrastinating the cleanup that you should be doing this Friday afternoon when you get a notification— Seonghwa’s name appearing on screen.

Hey, I know this is a bit sudden, but it’s the end of our business quarter and I have to stay late. Yerim will be all alone at home and no one will be there until 11pm. I’m sorry to ask this of you, but would you be willing to look after her? I promise I’ll compensate you generously.

Are you really about to look after this dude’s kid because you think he’s hot when you could rather be hanging out with friends or watching movies (or actually cleaning)?

Yeah. deal with it.

Of course! I don’t mind at all. Is there anything particular I should know (like should I bring her dinner or-)? And I hope we can discuss the compensation when you arrive home :)

Oh man… your mind really shouldn’t be jumping the gun here but it’s like, really really hard to not think about this scenario playing out…

What scenario?

Him compensating for this through physical means instead-

Iykyk.

He lets you know that there are some leftovers in the fridge that you can heat up for Yerim and sends you his address.

On your way there you can’t help but wonder why his wife isn’t there or a caretaker for Yerim. Is she also working late or are they not staying with each other..? It’s none of your business but of course, you were curious.

The whole situation just seemed weird to you so perhaps you’d see if you can figure something out from Yerim.

Upon arriving, your jaw dropped at how fancy the place was. Like yeah, he seemed like he had a decent job but to be raking in this much money? Damn…

There was a glass staircase, floors made of marble, and art pieces that you knew only wealthy people have the privilege of buying, and let’s not forget the fancy security system, that Seonghwa so graciously gave you the password to.

You laid your things down, calling out to Yerim before she shouts that she was coming.

You see her scurry down the stairs, running towards you to give you a hug. You pick her up, amused by her excitement.

“Y/n! Are you looking after me?” She asks with bright eyes and you give her a nod to which she smiles, elated. 

“But your dad gave me some rules to follow and I don’t want to get in trouble. I’m sure you don’t either, right?” 

She eagerly nodded, seeming to have a war flashback to when her dad got mad at her. 

“Then let’s be good, alright?” You chuckled at her reaction.

You set her down, and after exploring the house nonchalantly, you played with her a bit before letting her go do her own thing in her room.

While silence filled the floor you were on, the various things lying around in the house piqued your interest. 

You walked up to a small desk that had very few minimalistic ornaments and three frames, as well as some flowers that seemed to have started withering.

Upon further inspection, you realized that in the frame were Yerim, Seonghwa, and the infamous Mrs. Park. You couldn’t help but scoff at how pretty she was. Bright, bold eyes, thick heart-shaped lips, a small nose, a long neck giving her an elegant appearance, dark raven hair, and a nice figure to top it all off.

You’d be lying if you said Seonghwa and her didn’t look beautiful together. 

In fact, they must’ve been the talk of their neighborhood with how well they visually complemented each other. People likely gushing over what a pretty couple they make.

You placed the frame down, picking up the vase of flowers, wanting to change the browning water.

You didn’t understand why, but you felt a bit bitter while staring at the photos. 

Maybe it was because of your obvious attraction to Seonghwa or maybe it was because through small anecdotes you’ve figured out that she’s seemingly neglectful to her family.

Either way, despite her being beautiful, it irked you to stay staring at the sweet family photos.

You walked away busying yourself with the vase, thinking of how interesting it is… 

They look like the perfect family in those photos, happy as ever…Meanwhile, Seonghwa has revealed to you how stressed and strained his relationship was, and you’ve witnessed Yerim look dejected whenever her mom or sometimes even her father failed to show up to school events.

When placing the flowers back in their original place, you shook your head, trying to get your thoughts in order as you made your way elsewhere in the house.

You sunk into the couch like a melting slug, wondering if this was a good idea. 

‘This’ as in you taking time to somehow be involved in his life, even if it’s indirect.

It’s harmless now; you’re just some young person crushing on Seonghwa and using opportunities to see him…

The problem comes if he tempts you to throw away your self-control or even vice versa (since you know you don’t do too much thinking when around Seonghwa), and if things start escalating…

With a heavy sigh leaving your mouth, you decide that as long as you don’t overstep your boundaries, you should be fine…Right?

It isn’t long before you heat up those leftovers for Yerim and make a little plate of something for yourself.

You help her get ready for bed, as it starts getting later. You try to make it entertaining and fun for her since she seemed to be a little hesitant to sleep until her dad came home. 

Through what Yerim said, it seemed like her mom hasn’t been home for the past few days.

Tucking her in bed, after reading a short story book you found lying around on the bookshelf in her room, you sat there listening as she told you about her favorite character from that book.

You chuckled at the absurd reasons she gave as to why that character was her favorite, such as the fact that they liked cereal bars and she liked them too even though some people in her class would tease her because they hated them. 

While pulling the duvet up to her head as she dosed off after rambling, you gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. You stood up switching off the lights before stopping in your tracks as she called your name.

“Y/n..?”

You turned around waiting for her to continue,

“Can you come over more often?”

You couldn’t help but furrow your eyebrows in confusion at the request.

“Hmm? Why?”

“Well, you tuck me in and it’s fun when you’re around…Plus Daddy smiles whenever I talk about you so I think he likes you.”

Does she not normally get tucked in? Does Seonghwa talk about me with her a lot?

You gave her a soft smile, “Goodnight Yerim.” 

You headed downstairs, cleaning up the place a bit and doing the dishes before settling on the couch, watching whatever show was on as you waited for Seonghwa.

It was twenty minutes in when you realized looking after kids is no joke, even when they aren’t causing trouble. You were totally ready to have a nice rest after this.

You were fighting your sleep when 11:30pm hit but thankfully It wasn’t long until you heard the front door open, followed by the sound of business shoes hitting the marble. 

You stretched your arms and legs, standing up and switching the TV off, turning around to look towards the hallway entrance,

“Welcome home!” You sang out to Seonghwa, who was startled at the greeting.

His tired eyes lit up at the sight of you and he let out a breathy chuckle, as he took off his coat, hanging it on the hooks near the front. 

He was wearing a white dress shirt with a patterned tie and black slacks, and damn, did he look fucking hot. 

You were a little embarrassed that it didn’t take much for you to get flustered and worked up but his appearance was rather stunning for someone who spent the whole day at work. 

He ruffled his hair a bit, and loosened his tie, walking over towards you with a genuine smile.

“I can’t remember the last time I heard someone welcome me home,” he uttered, popping a few more buttons open, and folding up his sleeves, revealing his toned arms that you vaguely remember, “normally Yerim is either asleep when I get home, or otherwise I fetched her from school and we both came home together…” He trails off to which you nod, shyly petting your hair down, suddenly a little more conscious of your own appearance.

He comes to a stop in front of you, tilting his head, looking at you tenderly.

“It’s nice hearing it, especially so sincerely…”

You open your mouth to say something, only to close it, not fully sure how to respond. You look down to the floor, fumbling over what to say. Normally you’d be a lot quicker, but of course, it seems nothing really is normal when it comes to your behavior around Mr. Park.

He didn’t think much, before reaching out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, cradling your cheek in his palm just after. You felt your breath hitch, realizing that even if you tried to speak, you’d choke on your own words.

WHAT WAS HE DOING RN??? HELLO SIR???

He brushed his thumb against your cheek, and you were honestly, just stumped. 

You didn’t know what was going on but you dreamt of this touch for far too long to slap him away like you probably should have.

“Sorry, you had some type of fluff on your cheek,” he uttered, removing his hand which you had to stop yourself from chasing. 

Really..? Fluff? 

You couldn’t tell if he was serious or just using an excuse… 

You knew you liked him and further, you knew the attraction was mutual, but for some reason, it still all felt a bit surreal.

“Was everything okay here? Did Yerim cause you any trouble?” He said gently, his voice low.

“No, not at all! The worst thing she did was tire me out a little bit, but nothing I’m not capable of managing,” you let out an airy chuckle, opting to bite your lip just after feeling slightly awkward. 

He made you nervous in a good way, but also in a way you didn’t know how to handle.

“Oh? It’s a shame. I was hoping I’d be the one responsible for tiring you out tonight,” He chuckled before immediately dying down as he processed what he just said and openly insinuated. 

You almost choked, but swallowed the lump in your throat down instead.

Did he just-

What in the Wattpad was going on?

Not that you minded, I mean the delusional self in you was jumping at this.

Even so, outwardly you had no idea how to respond, feeling overwhelmed enough to just laugh nervously, and beyond your better judgment say this:

“We haven’t exactly discussed my compensation yet, Mr. Park.”

Oh fuck.

Oh.

Fuck.

You said that. YOU REALLY SAID THAT???

Panic.

He scoffs, looking away and you catch a glimpse of his reddening ears. 

“You’re driving me mad” he utters under his breath, seemingly to himself, but you could obviously hear his words...

“Why the sudden formalities? ‘Mr. Park’? Y/n, surely you know by now…” His voice was low and his actions bold as he placed his hand against your waist, leaning over so that his lips were brushing against your ear.

It was giving you flashbacks of when you first met and your heart raced once again at the proximity. 

“I like it when you call me by my name.” 

He was firm in what he said, and his voice sounded different from anything you’ve heard before.

It took everything in you to keep standing, your legs threatening to cave in. 

You placed your hands against his shoulders, both yours and his touch rather chaste considering the connotation of your words.

“Is that so? Maybe I need a reason to do that in the first place…” You uttered out, breath shaky and mind foggy. 

You were hoping he understood what you meant by that, your dazed state not even concerned for any rationality.

He tightened his grip against your waist, letting his head drop against your neck as he chuckled.

“I don’t know what to do with you, Y/n,” he said, now with a lighter tone laced with uncertainty.

It was a small call to reality, but he wasn’t making any action to let you go.

In fact, he only wrapped his other arm around you, pulling his head away to look at you, rather intensely at that-

You felt a little doubtful under his gaze. 

You could see a swirl of emotions in his eyes and he no doubt was feeling similar to you, but there was moral conflict tearing you both away from your desires.

“Sorry-” you whispered out, unable to come up with something better, only to be cut off.

“I do know, however— that I want you.” 

Your breath hitched and you subconsciously slid your hands higher, wrapping them around his neck, hinting to him that the feelings are mutual.

He wanted to hear it said from you directly though. Not willing to take a chance at this moment, he pulled you closer.

“So tell me…” He trailed, eyeing your expression carefully as he brought one hand to cradle your face just as before, “What do you want?”

Oh, fuck this. Consequences can wait. 

You leaned in, brushing your lips against his.

“This,” 

You closed the gap between you two, finally able to feel his lips against yours.

[theoreticallysensible]

I finished Ursula K Le Guin’s The Farthest Shore yesterday, and it got me thinking about two things:

1) The relationship between truth and meaning.

2) The wisdom of accepting death.

The conflict of the book is established when it is discovered that people have lost their connection to the “true speech”, the language of creation, which means that wizards can no longer use magic, but also that everyone falls into nihilism, listlessness, and paranoia. People retain their regular language, but the language of magic is lost, and so they lose their grip on reality. They see everything as flat, without any transcendence in anything. Nothing is more significant than anything else, and so nothing is worth doing. People keep talking, but none of it means anything real.

The cause of this is someone trying to escape the fear of death by dying and coming back immortal, leaving a tear in the world that magic leaks out of. The fact that they have to first die to find immortal life suggests that death and immortality are in a way the same thing, and that this deconstruction is the cause of the spread of nihilism. The necromancer is able to send out a message to people’s dark sides, causing this change in them:

By denying life you may deny death and live forever!

This is reflected in the fact that the souls of the dead show an even more extreme embodiment of the emptiness and stillness experienced by those seduced by the message. The tear in the world is blurring the distinctions between life and death, and calling for people to hurry it along.

For Le Guin then, life is change and difference - rather like Octavia Butler’s message from Parable of the Sower that “God Is Change”. Maybe the key part of Butler’s poem for this though is “The Only Lasting Truth Is Change.” Seeking immortality is sort of denying reality. Le Guin describes each individual life as a wave on the ocean, and claims that seeking immortality would be like making the entire ocean one wave, so that it grows still. In other words, life cannot exist without other lives, and without a chance of ending. A single life that totalises all would be indistinguishable from death.

I’m with her on the first point, that a changeless life would be indistinguishable from death. Experience is formed through interaction, which inevitably changes both parties. This is ancient knowledge, which Le Guin no doubt gets from her passion for Taoism, but my favourite exposition is Donna Haraway’s Situated Knowledges. But if life is always changing, always unfinished, why could there not theoretically be an eternal life which does not totalise, which accepts its mutability?

I think here is where we run up against the tension between Le Guin’s commitments to true language on on side and contingency on the other. Nietzsche is famous for having pointed out that language is a host of metaphors. Derrida then took this further to point out that no word is self-contained, rather its meaning is dependent on so many others that it can never be pinned down perfectly to mean just one thing for certain. This includes the self. It stops and starts when we’re knocked unconscious, and its altered with every experience, every exchange of atoms. In a sense we die a lot - if we thing of ourselves as a being, rather than an emergent property of various processes. We can’t be perfectly described with a word, because we aren’t a constant thing anyway, irrespective of that final death.

But this is kind of a moot point as Le Guin’s story is concerned. Few of us ever actually seek immortality. And Le Guin is right to frame it as an impossible task. It plays a symbolic role for the equally, perhaps even more, impossible task of seeking control, constancy, solidity. Nothing is constant - The Only Lasting Truth Is Change. But for me this just makes the final change of death easier to accept, as just one more change that will leave the previous version of myself behind - only this time there won’t be a recognisably new version to take its place.

There is definitely a difficulty in accepting the indefinite fuzziness that comes to things when you look at them like this though, that can lead to the nihilism Le Guin was so afraid of. I think Le Guin answers this rather well though, when she says that we cannot help but do everything we do, want everything we want, feel everything we feel. We can’t actually avoid caring about things, especially if we throw ourselves into them. We don’t have to justify what we care about based on some sort of metaphysical truth, as if we could ever be certain of that - we just have to accept the inclinations given to us by the universe and act on them in a balanced way to make ourselves content. Don’t rationalise your feelings through strict force of will, pay attention to them and what the good asks of you. That’s actually from a different anarcha-feminist writer - Simone Weil - but it fits!

[ming-sik]

as a devoted hater of isekai where the premise is "oh no i got isekaied as the most unfortunatest character ever but Actually my unfortunate situation is secretly the most bestest divine power and now i'm a minor deity" and a triple hater of characters whose disabilities get magically cured i have REALLY mixed feelings on the devouring bc despite appreciating the mooooostly really good deconstruction, aob stumbles at the resolution for me.

bc lets face it, that IS what the devouring is. rozemyne starts as a terminally ill peasant living without access to medical care, but from when her terminal illness is revealed to be her excess of mana the story does in fact follow the path of lvl 1 commoner → lvl 99 avatar of a goddess, and that kind of sucks because it means that aob doesn't end up doing what it seems like no isekai has the will to do and just make a protagonist that never attains godlike power and has to create a fulfilling life in this unfamiliar and harsh world despite never ever ever ever even getting to meet the crown prince, which cuts off an interesting story i wish got told more often.

However, aob is very clearly doing a deconstruction of this plot structure and her relationship with her power is extremely complicated. i do kind of wish rozemyne was kept at the level of "archduke candidate" instead of the godlike power she ends up having because rozemyne's ability to slam the 'put enough mana in the machine to Win' i think prevents some instances where she would otherwise be forced to struggle with the gap between what she wants to do and what she's physically able to do, but deciding to recreate the premise closely in order to subvert it is a fine narrative choice.

especially because rozemyne's power IS balanced and caveated by the fact that the devouring & its resulting mana clumps are a pretty severe disability. the fact that she is denied any education on it to the point of being seconds away from dying from an unknown illness for most of part 1 and even when she understands the devouring and eventually her mana clumps she has to reckon constantly with her physical limits, and the fact that she can't just pour 1 million magiwatts into any given issue to make it go away because she will die. despite rozemyne's power, her disability makes it so that she narratively has to deal with a pretty neat subversion of the 'commoner elevated to noble trope' that really takes advantage of the fact that commoners in that world are so completely locked off from magic that becoming a noble doesn't just result in mild culture shock judged by the Prissy Rich Villainness but is a fleshed-out, complex tool of systemic oppression that causes real obstacles for our heroine even as she spirals ever deeper into becoming a noble. it also serves as a really elegant allegory for systemic ableism and the way that minor issues for a rich girl can be life-threatening if you don't have access to quality medical care.

But Then The Jureve Walks In. "literally don't even worry about that," aob says, "theres a magic juice which just cures any disease, and the only challenge is creating that juice and using that juice". but no, no you tell me, the jureve is balanced narratively by the timeskip and the difficulty of getting it! rozemyne loses years of her life, that's not nothing! but while it's not NOTHING it also just. doesn't have enough far-reaching consequences that i don't feel like it's an invocation of the "dw abt your disability theres a magic cure for it" rather than a true subversion. imo a true subversion would require that there either 1) straight up not be a cure and rozemyne has to live the rest of her life at 150cm with 3 HP, 2) only be an imperfect cure which maybe allows rozemyne to reach adult size but keeps her health frail enough that using her full magic potential has serious consequences or vice versa if they want to also subvert the '300 yr old child' trope by acknowledging how much it would suck to be eternally trapped in a body with no fine motor control that people instinctively don't take seriously, or 3) only be a cure that is either temporary or otherwise not a one-and-done deal because now that she's big and healthy she just has no long-lasting consequences from her severely disabled childhood, which seems like a narrative branch that was pruned way too hard and way too early to feel like a satisfying subversion instead of just playing the trope straight with a couple extra steps. indeed, option 2b is what the jureve initially seems like...... until your man gives rozemyne some steroids and she's tall now too. so there's just no conflict whatsoever between rozemyne's power and her ability to utilize it, which makes it much, much harder to balance her power in a way that lets her have interesting conflict around magic where she can't just press X to win.

also this problem doesnt exist in a vacuum, and a related complaint is one mostly unexplored comment from when ferdinand is talking to rozemyne about dirk's devouring, and he says that dirk was born with more mana than myne, but her compression method meant that her mana ballooned much bigger than what it would have if she was raised as a noble. bc like god Damn is that interesting! my ideal plot twist would be that the cinderella theme returns because there's a random laynoble whose magic tool got taken away as a teenager who ended up independently discovering a similarly desperate mana compression method, but they're knowledgeable about magic enough to hide it as physical weakness and then become a ticking time bomb who can be exploited by antagonists as a rozemyne with nobody to help her, the ultra-devouring soldier. the contracted devouring in general are such a potent and viscerally horrifying worldbuilding element that i really wish they weren't effectively treated as npc baddies, bc like-- that could've been rozemyne! only her support network and sheer luck separates her from them. part of the problem with rozemyne being cured of the devouring means that she loses even the vestiges of her personal connection to imo the most interesting take on fantasy disability i've ever seen, which is a real shame! especially from a series that's generally so concerned with Not having npc baddies, like explaining that bandits don't attack the church because they're farmers most of the time who rely on the harvest or the fact that all the minor noble antagonists have coherent motivations from bindewald to grausam, even if you aren't at all intended to sympathize with them.

pictured below: me explaining what the devouring couldve been to you

spoilers for vol5p9:

her recent PTSD around feystones... honestly feels like it exists mainly because if rozemyne is able-bodied and therefore powerful enough to just dye a duchy's foundation in minutes... she has an auto-win button for any situation that can be resolved by Having More Mana, which is most combat and a decent amount of politics because aob takes place in a society which runs on mana. i'm saying this as someone who felt like fran's PTSD was really well-done, despite it being the protagonist's problem rozemyne's is so explicitly and exclusively focused on feystones that it ceases feeling like a character trait that serves a narrative purpose and starts feeling like something that was crowbarred in because the trait meant to serve that narrative purpose got phased out before the realization that the story had rozemyne's power be balanced for a reason. is this me being unfair to miya kazuki when it's entirely possible that this was as planned out as everything else in aob and i have no idea what she thinks of this plot development or why she chose it? yeah probably especially when this is based on an incomplete prepub, which is why i say 'feels like' so much. i just read it and thought it fell really flat esp in comparison to earlier depictions of trauma triggers.

[featherstorm2004]

All For One and Shigaraki, the unreliable narraters

Apparently I am not done with studying the mind of the number one villain as I feel that there's more to discus with how All For One views himself, as I feel it's quite clear he is the narrater of his backstory in chapter 407 which I believe is quite telling. However, if I am to discuss the legitimacy of All For One's narrative I believe it's crucially important that I also include Shigaraki in this discussion as he is the prime example in MHA of an unreliable narrater.

here's a link to my first analysis for context on my opinion of All For One's character and state of mind "All For One and the power of context"

First I would like to discuss the similarities and differences in how All For One and Shigaraki characterise themselves in their stories and why they chose those narratives. First I will start with Tomura's dialogue as I is the easiest to deconstruct; in the beginning of the flashback we focus on the abuse Tenko took when living with his family however, the tone of the manga changes along with Shigaraki's attitude towards his younger self and family as the conflict goes on.

At first it's clear that Shigaraki views himself as a victim so that's how Tenko is depicted in the early parts of the story however, as things go on we see slowly how things begin to warp as the elder Shigaraki's biases creep into the flashback and Tenko himself slowly starts to look more and more monstrous. With Shigaraki questioning that perhaps he had always hated his family and deep down wanted them to die, despite the fact that Tenko during his awakening is clearly horrified. There's a clear disconnect with how Shigaraki views the situation and how we the audience view things, leading to a form af narrative ambiguity.

However, by the end of Tenko's awakening and the death of his howl family Shigaraki has taken full control of the flashback and he shows himself as a horrid monster that enjoyed killing his family.

Now, that's not to say that I don't believe to some level that Tenko enjoyed fighting back against his abuser and getting back at him for all the pain he caused to him. But we have to remember that at this time Tenko is a five year old child who likely hasn't fully grasped the concept and finality of death. So, whilst I can't argue that Tenko may have found some joy and relief in his actions it most defiantly wasn't to the extent that Shigaraki believed it to be.

And it's obvious in the second half of his flashback that Tenko regretted his actions and dose not wished to repeat it. This can be seen when he holds back against the thugs who beat him and only gave in to his desire for revenge when coxed by All For One, who is an authority figure in Tenko's life and the one who "saved" him so of course Tenko would trust his word above all else.

It's also clear in that All For One fed into Tenko/Shigaraki's image of himself as a monster by characterising Tenko's itch as a innate desire to destroy and forcing him to wear the hands of his family so he can never forget the negative emotions surrounding the event.

Which brings me to All For One's backstory which is similar to Shigaraki's it has some notable differences. One key difference being that unlike Shigaraki, All For One has complete control in how his past is depicted and it is displayed more like a story that he is telling to the audience than an accurate depictions of events. Unlike Shigaraki's where we can see things such as his family standing up against the father which he would have no way of knowing, and All For Ones talk with the doctor after picking Tenko up.

However, one thing that they both have in common is that both All For One and Tomura are both convinced of their monsters nature. This can be seen in how All For One describes himself in he Narrative, calling his infant self as "born arrogant' and his cries for help as only a means of manipulation. Despite the fact he was you know a baby.

I also find it quite suspicious how the artwork chooses to depict the infant All For One in line with how he views himself, which leads me to suspect that these flashbacks we are being shown is not as accurate as All For One would like us to believe. It's clearly seeped with personal bias whereas Shigaraki's was a lot more straight forward and it's clear that whilst the dialog would like to paint Tenko as a monster the imagery conflicts with that.

There's also the fact that All For One denies his ability to feel love or empathy of any kind and only regards Yoichi as his possession. Which I also doubt to an extent, mainly due to the fact that whilst All For One is dressed in nothing but rags and clearly more malnourished than his brother, who has a full set of cloths and appears ironically far more healthy.

That's not to say that I don't believe on some level a young All For One felt some level of ownership over Yoichi, (hell his actions in later chapters definitely prove that) but in his younger years as a young child and toddler I doubt he would even understand the concept. What I think is far more likely is that All For One as conflated the feelings of love and ownership into a singular concept, and chooses to call it possession as it better aligns with his self image as a demon lord.

It also helps that he was surrounded by adults and all known authority figures that regarded him as less than human, with him and his brother being referred to as "paranormal orphans' and "diseased". Which most defiantly fed into All For One's perception of himself as being inherently inhuman however, as a young child he likely would have no idea what to do with these emotions.

Until, one day his brother stumbled upon a comic that just so happened to depict a villain, a so called Demon Lord and probably for the first time in his life All For One saw himself in another. And what is this? The Demon Lord is surrounded by hoards of followers that worship and adore him, yeah... it''s no wonder a homeless orphan who is regarded by society as a monster latched so hard onto the concept.

But yeah I wanted to point this out as I feel that whilst All For One's time as the main threat is coming to an end there is still so much to explore about his character in the aftermath. I also can't help but wonder if the reason All For One took such a personal role into moulding Shigaraki into what he is today was perhaps due to the fact he saw a young child with eyes just like his own, who also accidentally killed his family at a young age and was also rejected by society for something out of his control.

I don't know just some food for thought, I could go on but then this analysis would get out of control. So yeah those are my thoughts.

[bonesandthebees]

feel free to use this ask as a reason to ramble about eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, id love to hear

oh man okay you asked for it spoilers for eternal sunshine of the spotless mind under the cut

I just think this movie is such a good display of a toxic/unhealthy relationship. joel and clementine are terrible for each other. by the time they're at their bitter end, they constantly argue and insult each other and neither one feels like a good person when they're around the other. but they also truly, deeply love each other. the tragic thing about those kinds of toxic relationships is that it comes to the question of "is it more painful for us to be together or for us to be apart?"

the end of the movie is just what drives me the most insane. after hearing the tape recordings from each of their mind erasure sessions they know full well how this relationship is going to play out. it's not like they broke up, learned from their mistakes and worked to become better people, and then got back together. they didn't learn anything because they erased the other from their memory! there's no chance for them to not repeat those mistakes. it's going to happen. they both know where this is going to lead. but that love is still there even if they can't remember it. they still feel drawn to the other person. the theme of is the pain you'll feel at the end worth the love you feel during it is just one that I love thinking about. it's so raw and messy and human. you know you're going to hurt this person but you want to love and be loved by them anyway. you're not meant for each other but you're going to pretend to be for as long as you can. it's tragic and beautiful and again, so utterly human.

and of course there's the smaller things like clementine being a fantastic deconstruction of the manic pixie dream girl trope before the manic pixie dream girl was even formally named. like yes she's got colorful hair and a quirky personality but then you see that oh, she's actually fucked up. at the start of the movie when we're introduced to her post memory wipe, she's blunt and spins wildly between moods and she's got the colorful hair and talks about wanting to name the dye colors—she's got the quirky weird girl personality! then as we go through joel's memories we see that bluntness and those mood swings aren't a joke. she can genuinely be a mean person and her entire mood flips on joel in two seconds flat just because he made a single comment. the quirkiness isn't a cutesy thing, it's a facet of her personality that might seem intriguing and fun at the start, but does also cause issues in the relationship later on.

and joel is an interesting dive into the nice nerdy guy who ends up with the manic pixie dream girl trope too. yes he's awkward and nice and offers her a ride home and all that, and doesn't really know how to respond to her flirting in an awkward but charming way. but then later on (or technically earlier on as we go back through joel's memories) we see that while he's quiet, he's very judgemental. he thinks of himself as better than clementine and picks at her flaws in his head. the fact that he never puts a voice to his thoughts lets him bottle things up inside and makes him bitter. like how clementine's bluntness is strangely charming at first, joel's awkwardness is only charming until it makes it impossible for him to properly communicate his feelings with his partner.

and again, despite all this they love each other. they love each other so fucking much. and they would rather be hurt by one another than be happy with someone else.

and yeah theres also the subplots with the memory wiping staff and I really liked the inclusion of the girl who works there finding out she asked for her memory of her affair with her boss to be wiped and how betrayed and violated she feels after finding that out and all that, but the highlight for me is always just joel and clementine and everything about their fucked up dynamic.

we all know on this blog that I love unhealthy and messy relationships. and tbh I think it started with this movie! out of my top 4 movies, 3 of them (including this one) are about complicated messy relationships between people so. I have a type lol.

[khayalli]

How do you art. My ability has left me and a block has taken its place

(This is my second time trying to do this, tumblr I will blow you up PERSONALLY)

First off I am giving the biggest hugs!!! Art blocks suck and I'm sorry to hear that it's bringing you down :(

I think the best thing to do is figure out what's causing your artblock. Everything I'm about to ramble about is personal experience so if it doesn't apply throw me another ask or DM! I'm always happy to talk to people!

In my experience, artblock usually comes from a very mental place. Creative have a bad habit of equating their worth to what they create/the quality of what they create.

You are more than content!!! Your art is a wonderful thing about you, but it's not your entire worth as a person. So if you fail, or you suck, that doesn't mean that you as a person fail/suck. So if that's in your noggin, start niggling that little bitch out. Yeet it into the sun!!!!! She's useless and adds nothing to the conversation!!!!!!!!

Don't be afraid to create bad art, either. I can't express to you how many aborted files I have in my folder because I thought "it's not good enough. Scrap it"

But my biggest leaps of progress come from me being like "this sucks, but I'm going to finish it anyway" you learn WAY more with bad art than you will with good. Analyse and deconstruct after you've finished creating, not during. Have fun while you're doing it. Fuck around and find out. Get manic with it. Cackle into the abyss. Create with the joy of a 5 year old that has no idea what notes/reblogs are and just loves this silly purple guy.

Ability fluctuates as your eyes get better at spotting what's good/bad. Your art probably isn't bad. Your eyes are just much keener now at picking these things up! Your hands just haven't gotten the memo yet.

SO! Here are some actionable ways you can break art block, or at least create a little bit:

Make art that sucks and learn to be uncomfortable with it. Find joy in shitty art. I'm a lot happier now that I do this!

Finish it or post it anyway!

Speak to your creative friends, or fandom friends! A lot of my inspo comes from them because they inspire me all the time. Bouncing ideas off eachother helps a lot with idea generation, and staying excited about it.

Prompt generators and those expression memes! They take the thinking part out and you can concentrate on just drawing

Art trades, or even collaborations! Having someone else there always adds more motivation

Pose studies, a lot of my stuff is just pose studies that I warped into hot turtle men. It's another one where I don't have to think, just create.

Writing down those ideas you get at 3am so that when you're stuck you can go look at a list

I hope this helps a little. This sort of thing is hard to deal with, and I understand how frustrating it is when you want to draw but you just can't seem to (I went a year without picking up a pen, shudders). I promise that with gentle effort and genuine kindness to yourself, it can get better! I'm rooting for you!!!

(Sorry for how much I rambled on, this is something I'm very passionate about and in the trenches with also)