#chapter one: what's reality any more? no wait. don't answer. (main)

[embalmic]

@blindsite || loud & deafening silence || accepting!

indulge. find sweeney drinking to cope (as he always does 🫠)

southern louisiana air comes rolling through the french windows and shuttered doors hanging open on their rusty hinges. thick as molasses and carrying the smell of the mississippi, jasmine, magnolias and ferns from the gardens, and a petrichor from early morning fog. rain. mist rolled in from the river and the spray from half a dozen hoses and a street cleaner outside trying to wipe away the sin and debauchery of the quarter the night before. never help to try and doll up bourbon street a block away before she gets used, abused and tossed aside by a bunch of drunkards within a handful of hours..

new orleans only stops pouring to it's guests as long as it takes to give the bars and cobblestone streets a whore's bath. speaking of pouring and whore's baths? she's come barefoot down into the bar and she sees someone's right back out of the gutter she keeps finding him in and bellied up to the counter of an empty bar. several bottles are gone with the wind and he looks like he's drinking straight out of another one.

a tapered brow crooks up. pale arms that've gotten some of their color back cross over her chest. she won't say she took an extra few minutes staring at them this morning. laura doesn't say anything. she watches. teeth biting against the insides of her lips. until she starts to approach.

she's quiet when she climbs up onto the stool and then continues further and sits on the bar in front of him and to the immediate left avoiding the empty bottles til she reaches over and picks up one. blowing out a breath, she rocks it back and forth in her hand. silently, she sits it off to her side and lifts up the one he's working on now.

the liquor barely warms her throat on the way down. but it does. "did you sleep? or have you been doing this all night?" her bare foot bounces off his side. "you can drink as much of this as you want. i think you're way past the stunting your fucking growth part. sorry to say. you're stuck being a ginger giant forever." her way of saying what the fuck, stop worrying me..but hey..it's her. what do you expect?

[onlyoneofyouu]

A Summary of Tomorrow X Together's storyline

While waiting for the new album, The Name Chapter: Temptation, to come out, I decided to write a summary of TXT's storyline, focusing on the main themes, motifs and references of the music videos to get a general picture of it!

Feel free to share your insights and/or theories, or to point it out if you see any inaccuracies!

Edit: I'm in the process of correcting a few things and properly add The Chaos Chapter and Minisode 2 to the picture!

— DISCLAIMER

Just a warning that I'm going to leave behind some additional details and references for this, because:

there are way too many and I still don't know all of them (yet) lol;

as I said, this is made to be a summary focusing on the main motifs;

I still need to fully catch up with the webnovel on Wattpad that has lots of more info;

I don't want to overwhelm you, especially if this is your first approach to the storyline!

— PLAYLISTS

I created playlists on both Youtube and Spotify with the songs in the order I'm going to talk about today:

YouTube playlist here

contains music videos in the storyline order to watch while reading!

Spotify playlist here

includes some b-sides, but in this summary I'm only going to focus on those with a music video and the title tracks, so feel free to skip if they are not mentioned!

In this post, I'm going to add only those specifically needed to be watched to follow and understand my analysis. All the others are in the YouTube playlist anyway :)

Okay, now we are ready to start!

— WHAT'S THEIR STORY ABOUT?

TXT's story is about growth: they talk about the transition from adolescence to adulthood and all those changes that characterise it, the fear and refusal to grow up, the desire to stay young forever.

They tackle the theme both explicitly, through music videos and lyrics set in our time, and through symbolism using a fantasy plot with magical elements.

Actually, we could say that their storyline is a story inside a story : the fairytale, in which they find refuge from the real world in a magical one, Magic Island, is the story of the board game (in the Dungeon's & Dragon's style) or the videogame they are playing in the real world to "escape reality". This is why both the fairytale concept and the game concept are crucial to understand the storyline!

— IS THERE A MULTIVERSE?

My answer is yes, there is. As we're going to see, there are various ways in which their story develops and can be developed.

Additionally, last year Hybe announced the release of a Webtoon and a Wattpad webnovel to further elaborate TXT's storyline, both called "The Star Seekers". These two differ from each other and from the storyline narrated through the music videos: they talk about their alter egos called Star One, idols in a version of the real world where magic also exists. However, as I said earlier, we won't go into the details of it and we will stick to the basic storyline related to the music!

— THE STORYLINE

Now let's see how their story unfolds through the albums Chapters, their songs and related music videos. We, of course, start our journey with...

THE DREAM CHAPTER: STAR

– NAP OF A STAR

🎶 Memories of childhood dancing in the sky / Even if it's fading away now 🎶

This song and its music video tell us about the origins and also the final goal of the group. When TXT were still children they met for the first time, played together and made a promise to each other and with a Star: "even if we were to part, we will find each other".

They actually separate and consequently the light of the Star goes out. Why is that? Well, how many points does a classic star have? ⭐ Five, right? And how many members does TXT have? Five! Each one of them is a part of the Star, and without them united there is no Star: the Star symbolizes their friendship. ✨ The power of friendship ✨ is the key to their whole story. This also explains why in choreos often TXT form stars by uniting their bodies.

from: 1) TDC:MAGIC concept trailer, 2) MMA 2019 performance intro, 3) MMA 2022 performance intro.

Years go by and TXT enter adolescence, symbolically represented by the development of physical peculiarities: Yeonjun has horns, Soobin long ears, Taehyun an eye with a star, Beomgyu thorns on his shoulders and Hueningkai wings.

Yeonjun, scared by the horns, runs away into the woods, thinking he has become a monster. Here, for the first time, he meets the blue and green eyed Cat that will haunt us for the rest of our days (😔), he gets wounded in the throat and runs away terrified. The Cat here symbolises all the scary and dangerous aspects of the world we come in contact with once we leave our childhood.

Refusing his new condition (and therefore change and growth), Yeonjun snaps one of his horns. He is then rescued by HueningKai and the rest of the group, and now that they're together again the Star turns on once again! This is what should happen at the end of aaaall the journey, but the road is long and rough...

– CROWN

🎶 Are you my savior who found me alone? / Who you, you? / Are your wings created from the same pain as mine? 🎶

The lyrics tells us what we saw in Nap of a Star: entering adolescence, symbolized by the sprouting of horns, not knowing who you are and wanting to run away. But TXT are not alone in their pain and confusion: when they meet, upon discovering that each of them has something peculiar and is facing the same struggles, they are reassured and no longer feel alone. And so, the horns form a "crown": they are no longer something monstrous to be ashamed of, but a symbol, almost of pride, of what one is facing.

🎶 This moment of my name being called 🎶

This is the first time TXT mentions “names”, a main motif of the storyline we are going to further elaborate.

The symbolism of the colors, mirrors, windows and props in the music video announce events of the storyline we're going to elaborate later as well.

– CAT & DOG

🎶 Oh my God, what the heck is this feeling? / I become a puppy when I see you 🎶

Believe it or not, even this one has relevance to the storyline! 😆

TXT's are dealing with their first crush, they want to be with them always, they are clingy like a puppy looking for affection. It ties to 0x1=Lovesong, Lo$er=Lo♡er and Good Boy Gone Bad, but also to Puma! As we will see, the "dog" represents their "good side", while the "puma" their "bad side".

obligatory FEEL LIKE CINDERELLA NAEGABYONJE LET'S PLAY FOREVER I JUST WANNA BE YO' DOG WOOF WOOF WOOF

Now let's move on to...

THE DREAM CHAPTER: MAGIC

– ANGEL OR DEVIL

🎶 Tell me, what should I choose / Either angel and devil / This struggle in my head 🎶

As it can be read in Cat&Dog lyrics, that are also referenced in this song in the third verse during Yeonjun’s rap, TXT usually act naughty (devil), but with their crush they behave like angels. In this song they talk about struggling with convincing themselves to confess to them.

🎶 "It's gotta be you", "You're the one love" (...) / Again the angel says, "firstly slow down / What if you lose all, forever?" 🎶

TXT's good side (the angel) starts to doubt their friendship and to think that maybe their love for their crush actually is salvation.

🎶 Spinning round and round again, the worries of Moebius 🎶

Reference is also made to the Moebius strip. What is that? Common strips, seen as surfaces like any other, always have two faces. If we walk on one face, we cannot find ourselves on the other, right? In the Möbius strip, on the other hand, you can! This is because it is obtained by joining the two ends of a strip after having given it half a twist.

The Moebius strip has been used in relation to time travel theories, as a possible way to have a loop, specifically an infinite number of possible attempts to change the course of events.

Whether the Moebius time loop is a single universe, or that each "side" is a parallel universe, is something debatable.

So, what does this have to do with TXT? As we will see, someone in the group has the ability to have premonitions about the future and this leads him/the group to try to change the course of events, especially by rewinding time.

In terms of the game they are playing:

rewinding time = playing again;

parallel universe = different modes of action to try change the results.

This song connects to the fantasy storyline not only though lyrics, but also with the drawings in the music video:

the Cat

TXT are divided into two sides: Yeonjun and Taehyun have devilish attributes, Soobin and Beomgyu have angelic attributes. This could symbolise which side of them, good or bad, has more power over the other.

HueningKai, on the contrary, is standing in the middle of the group and has both horns and angel wings, that can be either angel wings, as we see in Nap of a Star (his good side), or demon wings, as we will see in Eternally (his bad side).

– MAGIC ISLAND

🎶 Remember our star song / We were stars in it / The melody that was shining with dreams / Don't forget, forever 🎶

When TXT met again as teenagers but they don't remember the promise (it’s a song, quick, act surprised!) they made as children, nor that they already met.

🎶 Our clumsy promises / A small island from which secrets began 🎶

In the music video we see that Soobin starts having strange dreams/nightmares about the five of them, but he can't seem to open up to the group about it. This is where they start keeping secrets from each other.

In the meantime, they have discovered a magical portal, in this case the train (that references Harry Potter), which leads to a magical world, where they can escape from reality: Magic Island (reminiscent of "Neverland" by Peter Pan), where they spend their time playing.

IMPORTANT DETAILS in the video:

(min 6:40) Soobin's cell phone shows 5:54 pm, one minute after 5:53 pm aka blue hour, the moment when the space that separates the real world from the magical one it's thinner and allows you to travel between them! So, when TXT travel between Magic Island and reality, there’s always going to be 5:53 and the sunset involved.

Soobin hears strange noises: if we connect his peculiar feature, long elf ears, with the dreams, it symbolizes his prophetic being!

Yeonjun hears it too though, and this time it can be noticed that it resembles the sound of a bell. Who often wears bells around their necks? Cats. Moreover, in the story of Peter Pan, the fairy who always accompanies him is called Tinkerbell and it is her magic dust that tempts children, because it can allow them to fly. We could then overlap the elements: Peter Pan = Cat, Tinkerbell = Temptations.

Why are only the two of them aware of this disturbance? We said that Soobin perceives it thanks to his prescient nature, Yeonjun because he is the most tempted of all and he is the one who will make a deal with the Cat.

Yeonjun injures his finger while lighting the bonfire and we need to keep that in mind for the next song!

TXT then have the great idea of making fireworks, in a forest, starting a fire: it can be seen as a metaphor for the destruction that their dark sides can bring, and for the troubles that adolescence leads us to make.

At this point the Cat finally shows up and, in the form of a train, runs over the group. The Cat is a shape-shifter 👀 and he's the one that brought TXT to Magic Island, like Peter Pan did with the Lost Boys.

Each of them is struck by excruciating pain in the parts of the body where their peculiar features are, and in the end, they lay on the ground, dead... in terms of (video)game they lost the current match.

At the end of the video we see a dragon, which symbolizes the biggest obstacle they will have to face. In the (video)game version it's basically the final boss.

Going back to the lyrics for a second…

🎶 A familiar and unfamiliar river (…) / Remember our star song (…) / Don't forget that night / You can't forget this place (…) / Remember us here? (…) / That cat with the different eyes (Mm-mm) / I'm tired of those eyes 🎶

TXT reset the game (or die at Magic Island and then come back to it again) trying to win against the Cat and everytime they do it they forget what happened last time they played: everytime they play as if it was tge first time. With the concept of R, AR, and VR of Minisode 1 this was further confirmed.

This also ties in with their ultimate goal, which is to remember their promise, the star’s song.

– RUN AWAY

🎶 The train is departing / Bibbidi bobbidi our magic island / When we go through this tunnel / When we open our eyes / Our dreams become reality 🎶

TXT want to escape from real life because it's too boring, painful and scary ...the amount of details in this video is scary... we'll only talk about the essential ones:

HueningKai draws two lines on the ground with chalks, one yellow and one blue, which intertwine and surround the school, with TXT inside of it. I won't tell you what that means yet because we'll come back to it later, but keep it in mind 👀

Soobin instead draws a door on the blackboard: a reference to the portals that lead them to Magic Island. We will soon find out why he is the one who draws it. When he puts on the 3D glasses, the door takes shape and opens, and a pentagram appears, a magical symbol consisting of a five-pointed star generally inscribed in a circle and used as a ritual tool.

Remember that Yeonjun injured his finger on Magic Island? His finger is injured at the beginning of Run Away! After TXT died at Magic Island, they went back to the real world, not remembering of having been there, as we explained earlier. If we talk in video game terms it makes more sense: their character lost the game and Yeojun’s got injuried so he has less HP (life points) than before. As for D&D, whenever a character dies or mess up or gets a low roll when rolling the dice, they can go back in time and start again, and this is exactly what they do in Run Away.

Besides, Yeonjun is the one that lights the bonfire in Magic Island, and in this video he is the one who sets things on fire. What does it symbolize? That he's the one who plays with fire, who takes risks and gets into trouble, even if his intentions are good.

Beomgyu puts a plaster on Yeonjun: he is the healer of the group in terms of powers. He’s also the one who brings the fire extinguisher to put out the burning book, but the flames do not go out: Beomgyu can't fix Yeonjun's or others troubles, no matter how hard he tries. The thorns on his shoulders therefore also represent him taking on the problems of others.

Taehyun instead reads a book titled "how to put out the fire": he is the rational one, the observer, the investigator, and we know that his characteristic is the eye.

At the end of the video, they go back to Magic Island during the sunset. This time the magical passage is a door at the bottom of the pool instead of the train.

Again, Yeonjun is the cause of another door (symbolizing coming of age) catching fire, while he leaves behind a teddy bear (symbolizing childhood) which Taehyun picks up.

The "rewinding time" motif returns in the lyrics:

🎶 When this night is nearly ending / Rewind the clock, rewind now / The forbidden games and this magic hour

As we said, TXT move to Magic Island during the sunset, but when night falls they are forced to return to the real world. And so, they roll back the clock (or restart the game) to return, something they shouldn't do ("forbidden games") since this way they are stuck in a loop of childhood, but they should grow up.

– RUN AWAY JAPANESE VER.

The video introduces us to the concept that the fantasy aspect of the story doesn't happen in real life: Magic Island is actually the location of the game they play after school to escape their reality. I still haven't deepened this one, so this is all i'm gonna say about it!

– THE DOOM'S NIGHT

This is where The Dooms Night animation comes in, summarizing their story in all its versions.

Details we are interested in:

connects to Webtoon/webnovel for the idols using magic;

there is an 18-sided dice which symbolizes the parallel universes, and it’s magical: it can open portals and show visions of the future to Soobin, the one who finds it;

Kai is approached by an evil shadow in a moment of "weakness": it's a temptation that is trying to bring out the bad side of him.

Yeonjun makes a deal with the Cat: what is it about? Relating to the Webtoon/Wattpad, having more power to protect and save his friends from enemies, but it comes at a price...

we see TXT playing as children, each of them has a role in the game:

Yeonjun = paladin/knight

Soobin = elf archer/ranger

Beomgyu = druid/mentalist

Taehyun = sorcerer/adventurer

HueningKai = mystic/bard

there's the dragon, and it turns out that the weapon to defeat him is "the song of a star" aka the promise they made as children.

Next we have...

THE DREAM CHAPTER: ETERNITY

– CAN'T YOU SEE ME

🎶 Can’t you see me? / Like on that magical day, say “Believe me” / (…) My friends don't understand me, no 🎶

Remember when with Run Away we talked about Soobin not being able to open up to the members about his dreams? Well, this makes him feel isolated, distance is created between the group as time goes by because everyone feels there are secrets between them. In the video we see exactly that.

Details we are interested in:

"who's a liar? " sings Soobin, and in the choreography he crosses his fingers behind his back: he is the liar, because he doesn't open up completely with the others and therefore omits knowledge that concerns them all.

the lyrics refer to the promise they made as children, e.g. "like on that magical day, say believe me"

Beomgyu with the red light = his dark side. Beomgyu is another member of the group who feels left out, we'll go into that later with another song. Also, him being a druid, which is related to nature, explains his duality: he can be the kindest and most caring person in the world (healing nature), but at the same time he can become violent (cruel nature): we see him smothering Taehyun with a blanket. Why him? The two often clash in the storyline, as we will again see, because they see things and act in opposite ways. It could also be because Taehyun discovered a secret of Beomgyu and the latter feels threatened.

Yeonjun whose hands are covered in tomato sauce, which stands for blood: Yeonjun tries to protect the group and, although his intentions are good, he gets into big trouble putting them all in danger. When fire appears in the video it is particular linked to Yeonjun (the oven, the house on fire), reconnecting to what we said earlier with Run Away. Yeonjun says "save me": he begs to save him from it all.

In the bridge Soobin sings "bad bad, hoping this is just a painful dream". In the concept trailer of this album there is Drama playing in the background, and the only line sung is "I dreamed this drama": Soobin's dreams are coming true, being premonitions.

In the final pose of the choreo, if you look closely, it seems that they are removing masks from their faces: each of them is wearing a mask because they are not sincere with the others, their dark side takes over.

– ETERNALLY

🎶 please stop this recurring nightmare everynight / tell me the meaning of this sad dream / my heart deep in this memory maze, save me 🎶

There is a LOT to say here. The video (which is 19 minutes, after all) is divided into sections and we're going to follow them.

1) Night of the Last day

First of all we see TXT with their monstrous features in a dark version, they are in a stadium destroyed by the dragon (as seen in The Doom's Night we talked about earlier). Soobin looks around and has a book in his hand, takes it to Yeonjun but sees him wounded and gets scared, waking up: this is one of Soobin's visions of the future, the Doom’s Day in which they will have to face their worst enemy.

This song is also connected to the Webtoon/Wattpad because we see TXT as idols in the video. Now, when the alarm goes off in the rehearsal room, not just Soobin, but everyone has visions. Important details:

the clock goes back from 10 to 9 with the second’s hand;

Soobin sees writing on the glass that says "Remember my name".

2) Song of a Star

Soobin finds himself in an amusement park and finds the magic dice on the ground. Then, a little boy arrives: it's HueningKai as a child, Soobin recognizes him by the way he wears his shoes. This upsets him, due to the fact that he doesn't remember the past and doesn't fully understand those dreams that are exhausting him.

A ghost girl comes to console him. As we said before, TXT think that their crush is salvation, that's why they identify the "girl" with the Star. But she's also a representation of MOAs who stand by TXT’s side and support them.

3) Promises

Yeonjun finds himself in the destroyed stadium and sees himself dead as well as the eyes of the Cat. He sees the consequences of his actions.

At the end of his section it reads: "I thought it was salvation, then": Yeonjun is going to think that the pact is the way to save himself and the others, when instead is going to bring them more harm.

3) Room n.17

Beomgyu is in the midst of infinite mirrors, a reference to the parallel universes, but also to the reflection of himself and therefore to its doppelganger, its dark side which we talked about earlier. The mirrors then turn into a door, number 17, and he peeks inside seeing a future version of himself trying to protect a book from an unidentified person who wants to get it. Suddenly the rage becomes such that thorns sprout on his back. The present Beomgyu takes out his phone to film, while the other Beomgyu appears to have attacked and knocked out the enemy, before turning right at the camera.

5) Moratorium* of Rest

(*a period of time during which a particular activity is stopped)

Taehyun ends in a flower meadow in the dark. In the distance he spots a familiar figure: it's Yeonjun. He calls him but he doesn't answer: realizing that there is something strange he approaches him. Yeonjun is unconscious, wounded in the throat and covered by brambles and flowers: it's a similar scene to the one we saw in The Doom's Night animation, only that here Yeonjun is dead, confirmed by the flowers that change into a skull.

At the end of his section it reads: "We will find a way" (to save Yeonjun and all of them too)

5) Girl of Eternity

HueningKai looks at the door Soobin disappeared from earlier, yelling his name. When he crosses the threshold, he finds himself in a corridor similar to the one Soobin went through: it is reminiscent of the effect that distorts surroundings into lines when traveling very fast, usually at the speed of light, through space-time. This makes me think that this is set in a more distant future.

Then stairs appear with a door at the top: once opened, he finds himself in the sky, and in front of him there's another door suspended in the air, from which the rest of the group comes out. Kai tries to walk in the void to reach them and his feet find a surface that undulates like water.

I still haven't fully understood the meaning of Kai's vision, also because it seems connected with the new chapter, The Name Chapter.

7) Beginning of the End

Finally, TXT are all back in the rehearsal room, the clock starts ticking forward again, and Soobin re-emerges through the door of the room. Everyone seems to not remember their visions (like it always happens with the memories when they leave Magic Island) and goes back to what they were doing before. Soobin, on the contrary, looks at the dice in his hand and at the mirror. Beomgyu films him. The song restarts during its dark verse: on the other side of the mirror is the dark side of TXT.

– PUMA

🎶 West side, east side / Didn't know where to, where to go / West side, east side / It doesn't matter anymore 🎶

It is about a real event: a puma was shot dead by the police after escaping from its enclosure at Daejeon Zoo in September 2018. In addition to taking part in the protest for the incident, "the perspective of the puma finally gaining freedom only to meeting its tragic ending depicts the harsh reality that the TXT members have experienced since they debuted in March 2019, where they were faced with heavy scrutiny from people online as Big Hit Entertainment's latest boy group after BTS." (c. Genius lyrics) This can be found in particular in Yeonjun's rap.

🎶 Still too young to stand alone / This world is a jungle full of warriors / The sight is aiming at your throat / A thousand eyes are accessing the internet / Be careful, your enemies spread in an instant / How long does it take to reach your dream? / Only gunshots spread with that question all the time / So that I can continue to breathe, again run up 🎶

For the storyline it is relevant because it is linked to what we said before with Angel or Devil: the crossroad at which TXT find themselves, having to decide whether to stay on the "good" path or move to the "bad" one. With Puma they seem to chose the second one: they are rebelling and escaping in search of freedom, however dangerous it may be. In fact, they end up making the deal with the Cat, that promises more power and freedom when he actually has them under its control.

– DRAMA JAPANESE VER.

Many theorize that it is set in a parallel universe, in any case it is linked to what is told and seen in CYSM. In the video Beomgyu joins the group but is usually not included in the activities and left behind. He abruptly realizes it when he falls off his bike and the others don't go to help him as he would like/dream.

I put Drama at the end and not before because it connects perfectly to the next song, where we see Beomgyu being the target of others' jokes and feeling left out...

MINISODE1: BLUE HOUR

– BLUE HOUR

🎶 In that sky / The orange-glowing magic / Before it comes to an end / Freeze this moment / I wanna stay here / In the gap between the two worlds / I wanna be trapped in magic / Clue to stop the sun 🎶

TXT are at Magic Island sitting in a tree that refers to that of the Lost Boys of Peter Pan. The song revolves around 5:53, when the sun sets in October in Korea, the blue hour in which, as we said, you can cross the border between the magical world and the real one. TXT would like to always stay at Magic Island, not by continuing rewinding the time (or replaying the game) but stopping it (stay inside the game forever), but they can't do that.

🎶 The glow of the sunset on my time machine / I know it that the end will come / The sun is down, down / Before you disappear into the night / I take you into my eyes 🎶

Once the night falls, Magic Island shuts down, and we know that means they have to go back to the real world. Beomgyu, who sings "I know that the end will come", seems to be the only one who is fully aware of it, an important detail for the future.

🎶 At the hour between dog and wolf 🎶

Is a very interesting line: this expression is taken from a French saying “L'heure entre chien et loup” and refers to the moments after sunset when the sky darkens and vision becomes unclear, making it difficult to distinguish between dogs and wolves, friends and foe (c. Genius lyrics annotations). We said that TXT are doubting their friendship after all.

But this also connects to the fight between their "good" and "bad" sides: we said that the docile and obedient "dog" is the "good side", while the wild and dangerous "puma", and in this case the "wolf", represents the "bad side".

In the beginning, Soobin sings:

🎶 I really hate the awkwardness, I just laugh / Baby, I know we were special 🎶

Refers to the tensions that now characterize the dynamics of the group. They look back with nostalgia to the days when this was not the case.

🎶 That look in your eyes, like an emptied gift box 🎶

This instead refers to the real name of one of the members 👀 we'll talk about it later.

At the end of the music video we see that autumn has come to Magic Island: the end of their youth is approaching and they can't help it.

– BLUE HOUR JAPANESE VER.

Very similar to the Korean one and I haven't delved into it yet, so let's move on for now.

– WE LOST THE SUMMER

🎶 Cause we lost the summer / When we lost each other / Return my seasons / Oh, it's all gone 🎶

It's not only a song perfectly depicting teenagers and young adults (but adults as well) feelings during the COVID19 Pandemic, it also references their storyline.

We saw that with Blue Hour autumn arrived, and We Lost The Summer brings winter... it's time to explain the seasons motif!

In literature and art, often the seasons have been used as a metaphor for the stages of life:

spring/summer = youth, adolescence

autumn/winter = growth, ageing, adulthood

So, Blue Hour announces that their time on Magic Island, and therefore as children, is coming to an end, and that they will have to face the transition to winter, to adulthood. They're losing the "summer" of their life, and that means losing their escape, Magic Island, as well, because it's not enough anymore for them to escape reality, as we will deepen with The Chaos Chapter and The Name Chapter.

The lyrics focus on the seasons motif for growing up and on the loss of Magic Island:

We also see s blue butterfly, related to Beomgyu but also Taehyun: in Native American cultures it symbolize the transition from summer to winter.

🎶 We lost the sunset, now don't know what to do / Our time has lost the weather / I'm standing still in winter / Eternal winter / I want to see you again, our bright summer / Long gone we lost the summer 🎶

The loss of Magic Island in real life context can be interpreted as TXT not being able to play the game because everywhere is closed due to lockdown, included the arcade where we saw them play in Run Away Japanese version!

Another detail: mirrors are also included, which, especially in the final scene where Yeonjun looks through it in the dark, refers to their dark sides. These are triggered by the loss of Magic Island, the place where they usually can escape together to avoid being crushed by reality, but now can't reach for two reasons: first, adulthood is approaching, second, the lockdown forces TXT to separate and only see eachother through a screen.

THE CHAOS CHAPTER: FREEZE

The title of this album references two things:

The arrival of winter and therefore their adulthood

The "fight, flight or freeze" instinctive response of our bodies and minds to danger and stressful situations. According to the title, TXT's response to their reality is going to be "freeze" aka the inability to move or act against it, but it's going to be "flight" as well, as we see in...

— 0X1=LOVESONG

TXT are now stuck in reality dealing with the problems that characterise the transition from adolescence to adulthood, but that doesn't mean they have abandoned the magical fantasies that give them comfort.

The main character of this music video is Yeonjun. We see him alone at home, playing videogames to distract himself while his parents are fighting. He then decides to escape by stealing his parents car keys and go for a ride. We see him with the members, but at the end of the music video it is actually revealed that he was alone the whole time: Yeonjun was imaging being with his friends, who turn reality into a fantasy when they escape together. This doesn't mean that the others are gone or dead, they're simply not together, missing eachother and going through the same kind of despair, depression, loneliness, as we can interpret from the clips where they're all separated but together with the others in the distance.

We also see Yeonjun alone in his room watching his fish inside the aquarium, and, later on, one ends up in his room: Yeonjun is imagining of being inside the aquarium. That's the same thing that happens with TXT seeing fish over them while in the pool, and with Kai seeing it on the sky: the aquarium represents the comforting fantasy they run away to. They can't go to Magic Island, so they imagine it.

Yeonjun gets so lost in his fantasy that, when Taehyun falls into the pool and then removes his cast, Yeonjun snaps out of it and doesn't see the fish anymore: he's now imaging his friends being there with him as he wishes. Fantasy and reality are mixing together.

He then starts dancing, and this is a reference to a movie called "Days of Being Wild", where music and dancing is used as a way of expressing the isolation, solitude, lack of direction and belonging, experienced by the characters. That's why Yeonjun walks into complete darkness: he's falling into the black hole of emptiness inside himself, the hole that is referenced in the quote in the beginning of the music video.

Unlike the video, which focuses on friendship bringing relief and happiness, the lyrics tells us about the crush we mentioned at the beginning:

🎶 In this world of zero / I know you're my one and only / In this endless darkness like / Oh my god, so holy / From the tip of my fingers / Everything runs far away / My life before you was a mess / Couldn't win one round of this chess 🎶

TXT believe that their salvation is given by the love they feel for this person. They are used to being "losers" in this life, but they feel like "winners" with them.

🎶 Now I can't stop thinking 'bout you / When I'm sinking alone / Angel who one day appeared to me / Take me away to your hometown / I know it's real, I can feel it 🎶

The pre-chorus references their friendship as well, though: in the music video we see that Yeonjun is "sinking alone" while thinking about his friends, and the "angel" is the same referenced in Crown and in Nap of A Star: it's TXT, and especially Hueningkai, that saved him when he was in his lowest point, sharing his burden. The "take me away to your hometown" could also be interpreted as asking the others to escape together at Magic Island, that feels like a home to them.

🎶 I'm full of problems, love sick / No way to go / I was fine to die / I'm a loser in this game / The only (one) rule of this world / Save me / Take my hand / Please use me like a drug (I know I love you) 🎶

The chorus is foreshadowing for The Name Chapter: Temptation, TXT are willing to be used and consumed by this love in order not to suffer anymore. "Save me" recalls Can't You see Me.

THE CHAOS CHAPTER: FIGHT OR ESCAPE

– LO$ER=LO♡ER

is a prequel-sequel of 0x1=Lovesong! Especially because in the music video we see how Taehyun got hurt and his "LOSER/LO♡ER" signature on the cast was made.

( work in progress )

Frost's music video then came out, anticipating and connecting to the new chapter of the story, The Name Chapter! It's part of The Chaos Chapter, but I think storyline-wise its music video comes after, because the events it contains depend on discoveries that are going to be made during The Name Chapter. Let's talk about Minisode 2 before talking about it then!

MINISODE2: THURSDAY'S CHILD

– GOOD BOY GONE BAD

– GOOD BOY GONE VAD JAPANESE VERSION

THE NAME CHAPTER

– CONCEPT TRAILER

First of all, it's important to specify that it doesn't only concern the album that will be released now, Temptation, but also the following ones that will be part of this chapter (two more mini-albums are expected, like for The Dream Chapter).

We've already mentioned Peter Pan a couple of times before: their story, with the fear of growing up, taking refuge in a magical world that you don't want to leave (Neverland), the temptations to stay there are all clear references to it.

This new chapter is heavily inspired by fairytales, not only Peter Pan, but others as well, such as Alice in Wonderland and Land of Oz.

Let's analyze what happens in the video, going over things we've already seen and adding more...

1) we are at sunset = blue hour = the moment in which one can pass between reality and the magical world;

2) eyes of two different colors = Cat, the creepy smile references Alice's cat. Cat by the window: who is at the window calling the Lost Boys? Peter Pan, who tempted them to go to Neverland, like the Cat tempted TXT to go to Magic Island.

3) blue/purple tunnel/portal: open passage to Magic Island, we saw it in The Dooms Night and we will see it again shortly;

4) we hear a whistle: it is the "call of the devil" (in the past, whistling was associated with the devil), the one who tempts TXT, therefore always the Cat;

5) we hear a reading of the original dark version of Peter Pan and see Yeonjun=Wendy manipulated and tempted by the Cat=Peter Pan;

6) Yeonjun/Wendy brings the rest of TXT (Wendy's siblings), and the Cat/Peter Pan "teaches" them to fly: instead of Tinkerbell's pixie dust, he uses a red potion, connected to the Webtoon/Webnovel. TXT now fly to Magic Island/Neverland;

7) while the narrator says that "Forever will never end (at Neverland/Magic Island)", Beomgyu looks at us and he's the only one who does it, like in Blue Hour: he's the only one of the group aware that sooner or later they will have to leave the magical world.

8) Remember we talked about mirrors and bad alter egos? We see TXT with their doppelgangers, which have the black feathers and masks we had symbolically seen in CYSM, on opposite sides of the mirrors (=the hangers).

Let's analyze the choreography:

The good/white TXTs move and the bad/black TXTs copy them, but then the blacks grab them by the arm and take their place. The good/white TXTs then enter the same side as the bad/black TXTs and HueningKai guides them to put the mirrors one after the other in line: what we saw with Beomgyu in Eternally. Now, if you think about it, even when you go to a place (it is frequent in elevators) where two mirrors are positioned opposite to each other, they create a potentially infinite corridor whose end you cannot see. Remember the chalk lines Kai drew around the school in Run Away? HueningKai locks himself and TXT inside a labyrinth.

Here they fight, first their own dark sides and they win: this should mean that their dark sides are now totally part of them, and therefore TXT can switch from one side of the mirror to the other freely, without being tempted or deceived by anyone: they are the ones who choose it. TXT have embraced their inner Peter Pan, rather than totally rejecting it.

But then, they fight among themselves and the order in which they do it is important:

Yeonjun and Kai, being the most tempted, unite;

Kai fights himself, his fully good side specifically;

After that, Kai collides with Soobin and prevails, (temptations prevail over knowledge);

Followed by Beomgyu, who instead manages to prevail over Kai (awareness of having to leave Neverland prevails over the desire to stay);

Kai is replaced by Taehyun, the one who saw the darkest premonition. The two fight until Beomgyu prevails (the awareness prevails over the fear of leaving), or, perhaps, Taehyun surrenders;

Finally, Beomgyu passes to the other side of the mirror to find only his reflection on the opposite side, which does not react to a possible attack: he hasn't to fight with himself because he always accepted the reality of things.

(I used colors to try making this less confusing, hope it helped 🥲)

Based on this fight, I already connected the names of the versions (Daydream, Nightmare, Farewell, Lullaby) of the album TNC: Temptation with each member, here. I recommend you to read it but only AFTER this summary, because we still need to talk about their "true names".

NOW, the fight scene it's a vision of the future that is not Soobin's, but Beomgyu's, who then opens his eyes.

TXT are now in a flying house, their refuge at Magic Island (which refers to the Lost Boys tree, but also to Dorothy's house from the Wizard of Oz). The house begins to collapse: Magic Island is no longer safe, they destroyed it too many times while rewinding time/replaying the game: they can't postpone growing up anymore.

It is also a metaphor for the tensions within the group, the things left unsaid, the secrets, the isolation, which have led to deep rifts in the friendship between the boys.

Soobin urges the group to leave and everyone follows. Last one is Kai who jumps… ready to enter the labyrinth.

– NEW LOGO VIDEO

Another important detail for what will happen in Temptation has been included in the new logo video! Translation of what Yeonjun says, both in reverse and played normally:

1) “You run after the shadow uselessly”: refers to the shadow that Peter Pan keeps losing. In the beginning of the concept trailer Yeonjun=Wendy is the only one without a shadow: he is losing it like Peter because of the temptations. Talking about it is his bad side, driven by temptations.

2) “It's sweet, but I should find my name": Yeonjun’s good side says that temptation is sweet, but he knows he has to resist and find a way to do it. Why does he talk about "finding the name"?

Having knowledge of one's true name gives you power over them, and knowing your own true name enhances your power and gives you more control over yourself, making it harder to fall into temptation.

Often, in order to get out of a labyrinth, to pass over an obstacle or solve a quest, you have to guess something, a secret word, usually by solving a riddle...

– FROST

🎶 Drawn by the name, I stand in chaos /My fate is what? What's the right answer, really / In an unfamiliar name / There's fate or something else / Meanings that I don't understand 🎶

(I can't add the full lyrics here lol, but I truly recommend you fully read them because they are very exhaustive!)

It's strongly related to the Webtoon/Wattpad storyline, and it's very important to The Name Chapter because it relates to the theme of "true names".

In the video, the spring nature of Magic Island (which we see in the photos of Temptation, Daydream version) freezes: winter arrives, and so their adulthood.

In the video we see TXT escaping from the portal while it's snowing, but then we go back to the past, when they go to Magic Island before it freezes...

Soobin finds a purple/blue glass sphere: it has the same colors as the portal, and what did we say creates/opens portals? The dice.

Taehyun's eye shines purple/blue: his special feature.

Kai finds a playground-style game (a reference to childhood) and sees blue butterflies.

Yeonjun finds a dog, and we'll come back to this shortly.

Beomgyu turns towards us spectators, again, and a gust of wind carries away the flowers. On Magic Island there are dry leaves on the ground, it's Autumn

Then, all together they find a fortune teller's tent, who gives them cards that make them have visions that symbolize their "true names". In the Webtoon/Wattpad novel they are given the riddles to interpret to find out what they are:

Soobin = "the one who is believed by no one"

Yeonjun = "the one who shall not eat dogs"

Beomgyu = "what was in the deepest part of the box"

Taehyun = "the one hanging upside down from an old tree with deep roots"

Hueningkai = "the one who builds the labyrinth"

In the visions of the video we see:

Yeonjun is in the desert surrounded by dog ​​footprints and has to fight against a huge sand snake to survive (the snake of Adam and Eve = the temptations = the Cat);

Taehyun hanging from the tree and then falling down;

Kai with mirrors. The mathematical formulas reference designing the construction of the labyrinth. He is tempted by his doppelganger, enters the mirror and chases it. In the end he, that has now both sides of himself united, breaks the mirror and exits.

Soobin is in a place on fire, sees a rideable horse for children and through the glass sphere/dice he sees a child riding it: the visions of their childhood being in danger.

Beomgyu and the looped box: after all the things that come out, what remains is only him... did you understood what it could be? 👀 (we'll explain it in a second)

TXT wake up and winter has arrived on Magic Island: they escape and with the portal they return to the real world. But Taehyun takes away one item from Magic Island: the fortune teller's BOOK. What Soobin has and Beomgyu protects in Eternally!

We find it again in the Webtoon and in the webnovel: it is a very ancient and powerful spell book that Taehyun studies and uses. It can also be seen in his hand in The Doom's Night when TXT play with each other as children.

— TXT's TRUE NAMES

Their real names, and therefore the solution of the riddles, were actually revealed in their early days, in their individual debut trailers via morse code: they have been under everyone's noses since the start...

Soobin = Tomorrow (based on a Greek myth: Cassandra had the power of foresight, so she had visions of the future, but she wasn't believed by anyone)

Hueningkai = Secret (refers to the Greek myth of the Minotaur, a "monster" that resembles TXT due to its peculiar characteristics, because it was a boy born with a bull's head. He was the son of King Minos, who had a labyrinth built to hide him, also hiding the secret of escape it)

Beomgyu = Hope (the box is that of Pandora, who after opening it unleashes all the evils in the world, and the thing that is at the bottom of it and will come out after everything else is hope. And we have seen that Beomgyu is the last one left after the fights to escape the labyrinth: he is the group last hope.)

Yeonjun = Promise (the riddle is a saying that stands for humans who behave like animals and are willing to use even cruel means to get what they want: what Yeonjun shouldn't do)

Taehyun = Clue (referring to Odin, the Nordic god who hung himself upside down on Yggdrasil, the sacred tree that held up the cosmos, to obtain the "clue", the runes, which would give him all the wisdom and ability to be able to develop writing)

– 0X1=LOVESONG Japanese ver

I think it sees TXT falling down to reality from Magic Island, after they abondoned it once and for all. While they are performing they all have blood in their uniforms: they're all rather dead or injuried at the end of the game. Beomgyu is the only one in an hospital: he's the only survivor, the only player with still some HPs left, after all, we saw that he won over the others in The Name Chapter Concept trailer. Taehyun, on the contrary, has angel wings and in the end he disappeared, leaving his uniform behind surrounded by feathers on the ground: he fully died during the game, perhaps sacrificing himself. A bit more about this, here.

Now they are back to the real world, forever.

And we have, for now, reached the end of our journey! Now we just have to wait and see what The Name Chapter will bring us in detail (and see if my headcanons and theories are right lol).

Thank you so much for reading!!

READ NEXT -> The Name Chapter: Temptation Analysis

Masterlist

[saerins]

I was so nervous when I saw that you finished the sae/bianca fic I could barely work. Great read as usual. This chapter is written mostly in Bianca POV and let's just say I'm... still not that fond of her lmao. I feel like I understand her more but does this make me like her? Nope. This sounds harsh but I just find her childish, naive, and of course, incredibly insecure, something I'm sure is common among nepo babies for whatever reasons. Also, her specialty is driving people away... hmmmm.... pls. when bianca and yn officially meet and bianca pulls out her signature move, i pray that you will make yn the baddest bitch out there by putting her in her place and showing her that flaunting power and money is not the solution to everything.

Miss girl determines she will be the one for Sae *remember the latest main story chapter* yeah... I don't think so. It's kinda evil but I can't wait to see her daydream shattered and face the harsh reality. I'll be savoring it :)

a bit off topic but it's funny bc when i saw this magazine cover featuring famous nepo babies in america entertainment industry on twt today, i immediately wondered if bianca is one considering the implication that her parents are rich and influential :). guess I got my answer.

haha yeah i felt that, just because we understand a character doesn’t mean we’ll empathise or like them :/ there are a lot of things she’s done (before sae) that i don’t mention because lmao i don’t think you guys need any more incentive to dislike her 😭 but yes she isn’t a clear cut good or bad person where she especially used to lean towards the latter. so i don’t expect a lot of you to like her even until the end tbh hahaha this extra happened like … probably +/- at least 1.5years ago so we’ll see just how tame/even worse bianca got since then ;)

whew considering what’s happening now between sae and yn, i think you guys can just anticipate when the talk is gonna finally happen between sae and bianca :’) as for bianca meeting yn … :))))

& yep you called it !! bianca’s parents have a tiny hand in helping her career. her father used to be an actor and now dabbles in other things like investment firms and the like :) meanwhile her mother used to be a top model back in her days which explains why bianca was so excited to be one too

[presleyhearted]

Yours Truly - Chapter 2: Mystery Train

・❥・Pairing: Elvis Presley x original female character

・❥・Genre: slow burn, mystery, angst, fluff.

・❥・Word Count: 1.8k

・❥・Summary: In which a 21-year-old girl suddenly finds herself having consecutive dreams of a particular rock ‘n’ roll star whom she has never met and who died 45 years ago.

・❥・ Ratings & Warnings: SFW.

・❥・ Notes: And here we are with Chapter 2! I had so much fun writing this chapter. Chapter 1 was purely to set the scene and really solidify the main characters, with only a glimpse of Elvis at the end. But this one offers the main core of the story, I believe. The heart and soul of it all. I like to be ambiguous, so I do like to leave hints here and there :) 

|chapter index |prev | chapter 3

--

NOVA 

I take a few more sips of water and gently place the glass on the floor, as my eyes find there is an absence of a table. 

I then peer at him, "Awake?" I quickly shook my head at the word. There are a few instances in life where the rule of a 'pinch-me' moment applies, this is not one of those. Those moments happen when a pleasant surprise enters your life, nothing too far out. But this does not even graze the scopes of reality even a little bit. 

Elvis nods, "Yeah." 

I shook my head again, "I don't think so. I'm dreaming." I firmly say.

"Oh, darlin," A smirk forms on his lips and briefly glances at the window to his left before facing me again, "What makes you think that?" His thumb and forefinger on his bottom lip with his elbow leaning on the windowsill. 

I try to avert my eyes from the gesture and focus back on his gaze, waiting for me to answer his question. 

I tilt my head, "I was in my bed seconds ago. it was the end of my birthday party. Now, I'm on a train - which I don't remember getting on - and Elvis Presley is sat in front of me." I gesture to him with both hands, trying to emphasise the ridiculousness of the situation. 

My goodness, even the words coming out of my mouth sound completely insane. 

His azure gaze pierced into me, "You've got it right." He nodded, an amused smirk remained on his lips. 

"So you agree? that I must be dreaming, right?" 

Elvis chuckles calmly, "No, honey. I'm sayin' I am who you say I am and we are on a train." 

"But. . .none of this makes any sense!" I scoffed, not knowing anymore who I am trying to convince more; myself or him? I place my head in my hands, trying to comprehend. 

"Hmm, I agree. " He says, catching my attention to look up at him. 

He continues, "Why serve food and drinks if there is nowhere to place them in this compartment?" He gestures to my empty glass of water on the floor and laughs to himself.

I squint at him, "What are you on about?" 

He shrugs, "What? It doesn't make any sense, Nova." 

I place my head back down in my hands, "My goodness, it's like we are having two different conversations. This is getting nowhere." I mumble under my breath. 

I shot of realisation coursed through me and I looked up, straightening my posture, "Alright. If this isn't a dream then how do you know my name?" 

"How do you know mine?" He says playfully, pointing at himself. 

"That's not the same. You are known by thousands of people, and I'm only known by my friends and family. " I explained as a matter-of-fact. 

"And I am not one of your friends?" Elvis asks, furrowing his eyebrows in mock-hurt. 

"We've never met before and it's impossible to know each other because you're. . ." My words get trap in my throat, "Well. . .you're no longer-"

"Alive." He finishes my sentence, his tone laced in seriousness - a switch from his playful nature of conversing this whole time. 

I bit my bottom lip and I slowly nod.

Silence. 

I clear my throat, "I'm sorry. I . . ." I fiddle with my thumbs, a bad habit that occurs when I cannot quite grasp the facts of the situation at hand. 

"It's alright, darlin." Elvis says quietly, leaning closely and grasps my shaky hands. 

"I just don't like not knowing anything. "

"No one does." He replies. 

"I like knowing the situation and I like the logic because then I'll be able to plan my next move. " I explain, taking my hands away from his hold. 

"I know," Elvis says, a smile forming on his lips - a smile that reached his blue eyes. 

He knows?

Elvis runs his right hand through his jet-black hair, and sighs a twinkle of amusement in his eyes, "Okay. " 

"Okay?" I raise my eyebrow. 

"If you say you are dreaming honey, then okay you are dreaming." He says for the sake of calming me down, even though his eyes are only showing how he is anything but believing his words. 

Still, it comforts me. This entire conversation that I've had with him thus far has been filled with confusion and persistent question on my part, which might have been annoying for him. But I think anyone would be thrown off by it, even more so the fact that Elvis Presley has never made an appearance in my dreams before. And for him to disagree with my judgement and dismiss this as a dream. I'm glad that he has finally offered logical reassurance, something that I needed to hear - it provides the safety of being in the once unknown environment. 

I sighed in relief, "Thank you." I feel my lips pulling upwards into a smile. 

I glance out the window, the passing scenery is beautiful. Lush green hills and evergreen trees, with that quiet hum of the wind. My mind retraces back to the first words he ever said to me, I turn back to him to find him gazing at me. 

His gaze was intense, I feel heat rush to my cheeks. 

"Um. . . I have a question."

"Go on, " He nods, encouragingly. 

"This is a dream. Does this mean you're a ghost? or. . . did I make you up?" I slowly said. 

He chuckles with a shake of a head, "You are a bright girl, Nova. Everything in that pretty head of yours can make anything happen." He points at me, a charming smile prominent on his lips.

"That doesn't answer my question." I chuckle and shake my head, "But okay, okay. A dream is a dream."

"Answer this one then." I begin. 

"Yes, Ma'am." 

"When I opened my eyes you said that you were glad to finally find me. What exactly did you mean by that?" I tilted my head. Now that we have established that I am dreaming, my brain retraced the first words Elvis has ever said to me and those words do not sound like a typical conversation-starter. 

The train comes to a screeching halt and I furrow my eyebrows. Elvis pats his hands on his knees and stands up, "Looks like we're here."

"And where is that?" I anxiously ask, looking out the window as I feel a nervous pull in the pit of my stomach - the unknown again. 

"Come on, you'll see." He offers his hands to me.

"You haven't answered my question." 

His forehead knots with a frown on his lips, "I have, Nova."

I shook my head, "No, the one about why you said those words to me?"

His mouth forms an 'O' at realisation, he looks down and shakes his head - his black hair shakes lightly into a less put-together style. But yet, he still manages to pull it off. Elvis chuckles to himself and finally looks up, "You."

"Yeah I know you said those to me-"

He shook his head, "No. I mean. . ." He takes a deep breath, "You. . . I said that because you found me." He softly says, his eyes anticipate a reaction from me. 

He must've sensed the increase in my confusion, so he sighs and says, "Don't worry about it , honey. You coming with me, or be left on this train?" He playfully says, and gestures at the scenery outside the window. 

I sigh with a small smile on my lips and stand up, "Fine. Just tell me. . . where are we?" I ask, taking his hand. 

"Trust me, okay?" He grips my hand tightly in comfort. 

"But what if there's something dangerous? or it's-"

"I won't take no for answer. Sometimes, you gotta just do it and see what's out there. Sometimes you just gotta take a jump." He smirks. 

"Oh, God, that's risky! What if you're a mad man?" I ramble, nervousness piling up in my stomach. 

"You said it yourself, Nova. We don't know each other. So come with me and get to know me." 

It's just a dream.

I nod and he flashes me that infamous smirk of his, licking his bottom lips, "Let's go."

next chapter

[novankenn]

Altered Destiny

= Eight =

(So through the poll, which can be found on the Chapter Page, my readers would like to see this Jaune in a more of a Healer/Cleric style role, over that of a Tank/Paladin one. So Chapter 4 has been revised to suit. Thank you to everyone who participated. I will be using powers and feats from D&D Neverwinter as I don't have access to any significant materials from D&D 3.0/4.0/5.0)

Glynda sat quietly watch the worst student of her class, tossing and turning in a restless sleep. Occasionally she would mumble something, though it was too low and Glynda was too far away to catch what she was saying. Not that Glynda was paying attention. She was more focused on what to do with Jaune.

From the short amount of contact with her, Glynda knew there were going to be several issues, the main one being Jaune's own acceptance of her situation. Talking with a professional would help, but Glynda doubted it would be fully successful.

Her mind then wandered. She took in Jaune's new body. Her body was slim, lithe even, but it was complicated by her now new proportions. Her hips were fairly wide, plus her bust was quite substantial. Jaune was going to have issues with her balance, probably even walking was going to require a process of practice.

Glynda thought back to the stumbling dash to the bathroom. Jaune had barely remained on her feet. The previous Jaune had been improving, Glynda saw it. His confidence was growing daily, and his ability to actually spar, to counter and fight was blossoming, but now. Glynda was afraid these changes were going to shatter Jaune.

As Glynda was watching her sleeping form, Jaune found her self in a strange place. She was standing in a flower filled meadow. All about her waits tall tulips and daisies. The sky was a myriad collection of reds and purples, like one would see at dusk. Seeing no one, Jaune started to walk. The tall grasses and flowers gently brushing against her hospital gown, clade form.

Above the light faded, and stars began to fill the indigo sky, and still she walked. Slowly, as the light faded and the field of flowers took on a more dream-like quality, she saw a pair of figures seated yet floating in the air, almost as if they were seated upon the very tops of the flowers.

Figure One: Ah, there you are, Jaune. Welcome. You must have many questions, ask them, as I have the answers you seek.

Figure Two: So this is the mortal for whom you rewove the threads for. Interesting...

Jaune: What is going on? Why?

Figure One: We have brought to this space between realities to answer your queries. To ease your mind, my child.

Figure Two: As for why my sister's actions... you have potentially great fates ahead of you, niece. One that was not to end with your... foolhardy choices that day.

Jaune: I don't understand.

Figure One: That is to be expected, daughter. Much has changed for you, and more is to change. Your metamorphosis is yet to be complete.

Jaune: Huh? What does that mean?!?

Figure Two: Perhaps we should introduce ourselves to your child, sister.

Figure One: Yes, that would be prudent. Daughter I am Selune, Goddess of the Moon.

Figure Two: And I am her twin, Shar Mistress of the Night.

Jaune: What is going on? There are no such names on Remnant. There is just the Brother...

Selune: Yes, the brother Gods... petulant children, unworthy of their place as this world's patrons. When they left this world to its own devices, they left a void in the astral plane.

Shar: One that is drawing the attention of other entities and beings like us. Entities both benevolent and malevolent.

Jaune: I... what did you do to me?

Selune: Your choices that day ripped the tapestry of your life, you shredded your possible futures... futures that depend on your survival, so I rewove your fabric, and spliced your frayed life thread back together

Jaune: I... I... I don't understand? Tapestry? Life Thread?

Shar: Perhaps it would be better, niece, if you asked the true question you seek answers to.

Jaune: ... why am I now a girl? If you did whatever it is you did... why have I changed?

Selune: Your life thread was frayed and was not strong enough to hold the weave... so I pulled from the ether a thread of possibility.

Jaune: Huh?

Selune: Threads of Possibility are those you have no choice about, no control over, unlike threads of Fate. They are chances such as your gender at conception. If you were a multiple birth, and similar such requirement for life.

Shar: Your thread that determined you as male was weakened to the point it broke. My sister had to grab another thread to save you...

Jaune: And this thread...

Selune: Would have been your life thread if you had been born a female. Your life as a male had ended that day at the bottom of the chasm. Your male body broken beyond repair... to save you and your potential...

Shar: You had to be refashioned as female.

{Table of Contents}

[seyaryminamoto]

Happy Valentine’s Day! I just read chapter 282, and you definitely are a master at pulling at the heartstrings. It was beautifully executed and I cannot wait till the real deal! Ursa was a big surprise but I am so excited! Glad you are not sticking to the comics with her, (I was not a fan of her story.) what her thoughts are on Sokka & Azulas relationship. What kind of role will she play in the near future for them? What does she know about the fate of her children? Fantastic work as always!

Happy belated Valentine's day for you too, Anon! Thank you very much for letting me know I brought on the feels like I meant to with 282, haha xD

Yeah, I've thought to drop another author's note in the next chapter to remind everyone, for the millionth time, that her backstory in Gladiator is 100% different from what the comics did. I don't even think it's all that necessary to say it anymore, but I feel like I should clarify it at least one more time, haha xD

As for those questions... answers will arrive relatively soon inside the story. But if you really must know... :'D

Well, first off, her thoughts on their relationship are somewhat complicated to explain as things are riiiight now. As you may recall, Ursa's current status is... a little bit chaotic. She's got some severe trauma she hasn't dealt with in any positive way, and her mind is not as clear as it could be. Therefore, as she is right now in 282, Ursa continues to be in denial of everything that suggests time has passed, that her children have grown up, and that she hasn't been part of their lives at all, just as she was in 207. Therefore, anything that implies her daughter has had a life she has missed out on is basically something she shuts the door on, harshly, because she refuses to accept this is possible...

... but that won't be her state forevermore :'D

Once Ursa comes around and accepts reality, which is big progress for her, she'll have a very long and thorough conversation with Sokka. It's a veeeery important, complicated and difficult conversation for them both. Part of why she wants it to happen, though, is the fact that Sokka is a wholly new person she has never really had a connection with before. Unlike how it is with Zuko or Azula, where she's in conflict and denial of who they are now as she clings to the past... it's easier to talk to Sokka and understand what's going on with him because he's someone new. Naturally, learning about Sokka and Azula's bond wasn't the easiest thing for her (though technically she, uh, doesn't learn about it from Sokka...), but the main thing she will concern herself with is...

... Azula's happiness! :'D

She wants to be sure that Sokka loved her and cared about her, first of all, and once she grows to believe that, she actually becomes a major supporter of their relationship. It's very much something that Sokka doesn't expect to happen... but this woman's full of surprises :'D she has changed a lot, really, and she even will acknowledge that, if she hadn't wound up where she is in life, if she had stayed with Ozai all along, she really might have been the nightmare mother Azula thought she'd be, shutting her down and refusing to accept that Azula could love someone so inappropriate for one of her station... but that's not the person Ursa is anymore. She has had some veeeery rude awakenings in life, and that means she grows to value Sokka very very quickly, for she can tell how much he cares about Azula and that their relationship was something wonderful for her daughter, even if Ursa can't quite confirm that with Azula just yet...

How much does she know about her kids... well, she knows more than she lets on, but like I said, she's mostly in denial about it all. So, in part, she kinda knows everything that's public knowledge, but in order to cope with reality she just loses herself in the past and refuses to acknowledge what's going on. So she's not reeeeally lost about everything, but it's only after she accepts reality properly that she can acknowledge her... knowledge? :'D

Her role going forward will be... mysterious (?) Okay, she's going to be a very big help for the group, and she'll be a major supporter of their cause going forward. She'll come and go sometimes, because unfortunately she's not really someone who should be involved in a lot of the dangerous stuff Sokka and his friends will get up to :'D in my sort-of-defense, I've tried to keep her around as often as possible x'D but yeah, can't really excuse it in some situations, so we won't have her around all the time. But one of her roles will also be... to serve us some flashbacks like Ozai does :'D we'll get a few flashbacks from her point of view, the first of which will be in the final chapter of the arc that begins this week. And yeah, when I said she'd be mysterious, I also mean because I'll keep a few things about her in the dark because... I really don't want to reveal EVERYTHING about Ursa to the readers until Azula is ready to learn about the core of it too :'D and as you may imagine... that's going to take A WHILE. So. Yeah.

Ursa isn't going to be a problem going forward, though, she's not going to have an antagonistic role towards our main characters... she's a complicated person who's gone through some reeeeally rough times, who starts trying to do better and be better in order to do right by her children, but who deep down is terribly scarred by the things she's been through (... and the things she's done), to the point where it sometimes paralyzes her and even throws her into downwards spirals. We won't see a lot of those... but we will certainly see that her flashbacks mean something very different than Ozai's do, for in her case, she's basically spent years living in her own memories and trying to build herself a safe place within her mind through those memories, out of fear and rejection of everything that changes around her...

Welp! There goes that explanation :'D I won't lie, I'm eternally shocked by how much I've grown to appreciate her character by writing her... she's always been one of the inclusions of Part 3 that I most looked forward to working with, and I'm really happy to feel that her presence in the story feels so powerful whenever I write her. I hope you guys will be thrilled to see more of her too! Like I said... she's complicated, but that makes her insanely compelling for me to explore as a character xD may it be fun for you guys to see those explorations, once we get there!

[tb-gerschutz]

Chapter Six

Word Count: 2,465

Trigger Warning(s): language, mild spice (I don't have much experience writing s*x scenes, but this chapter comes close to it), name-calling (pet names)

Summary: Rocky and Whiskey get into a heated argument, and they get carried away with forgiving one another...

**********

Whiskey and I eventually got back to the Romanov Facility at around midnight after being at the ball for a couple hours. I regretted being back in a normal reality, but I guess being with Whiskey made it better. His presence soothed me and made me feel safe in this dangerous world, which is the best thing that could happen while on this dangerous mission.

After he helped me out of my ball gown, I changed into more comfortable clothes. In this case, it was denim jeans, a black button-down shirt, and gray slippers. I also put on a black-and-gold Timex watch that I received from my grandfather on my seventeenth birthday. It's a treasure that I had with me for a long time, and I intend on keeping it for the rest of my life.

"So what do you think Balor's gonna do next?" I asked, stepping out of the bathroom and back into the main area of the suite.

"Hard tellin'," he responded as he stared blankly ahead. "He's unpredictable, and he's dangerous. Especially considering that he's the one who orders at least five executions a day. If not, more."

I rested my hand underneath my chin, thinking about any theory as to what Balor could be or would be capable of doing. Whiskey was right. Balor was unpredictable, and it was frightening to think about. The things this devilish, disgraced creature could do was absolutely appalling. If I think that what he does in private is frightening, who knows what could happen if he gets his hands on Whiskey and I.

And if Balor ever puts his hands on Whiskey, he'll regret ever being born.

"So we wait until he pounces again. That's our best move, right?"

Whiskey shrugged and turned on the television. "It's the best thing we can do at this point. If we engage him at the wrong time, then Balor can go runnin', and that means we have to start all over again in catching him."

"And if he runs, then we might not see him ever again," I added.

Whiskey held up his hand, signaling me to quiet down. "Well, it looks like we might get our chance," he said as he turned up the volume on the television.

Then there it was. A frightening news report that I never thought I'd ever see. It was like something out of a nightmare.

Hundreds of people are dead after a violent terrorist attack erupted at a town square in Kurgan, Russia today. Authorities are saying that the Hellhound Corps, led by Balor Devlin, is the guilty party responsible for this heinous crime.

I will never forget those words. Those bone-chilling words. These were words that no one should have to hear. They're the kind of words that should only be used to inflict aggressive heartbreak onto someone deserving of such. And not just the normal, emotional kind of heartbreak, no. I also mean the kind where your heart is physically crushed because of someone stabbing a knife right through it. It pains you, and those words sure as hell pained me even though I wasn't involved.

"Shit," I said in a hushed tone. "That's horrible. You think Balor's trying to send us a message?"

"Oh, he definitely is. I've been doing this a long time and know when a terrorist is sending a rebellion group a message," Whiskey answered.

I then got a crazy idea. A crazy, stupid idea. I should have never said the words that came out of my mouth.

"Then, we should go after him."

"No, sugar. We can't go after him yet," Whiskey disagreed. "We don't know he was actually there at the scene of the attack."

"But he had to be nearby in a hidden place in order to orchestrate this," I said back. "It's nearly impossible to be in a whole 'nother town over and successfully organize this tragedy."

"I know, sugar, but we don't know where he could be now. We don't know his precise location. One wrong arrest of one his men, and he's on the run again. We can't afford to make the mistake of lettin' him run, sugar."

"But if we go after him now, then we can let him know that we ain't gonna handle this shit," I answered back, this time having my voice in a shouting voice.

At this point, Whiskey and I were about two feet away from each other. He was staring at me with hungry yet raging eyes. It was like fire was lit in the back of his eyeballs, and all I could see was anger and hate. Meanwhile, my blood boiled as I continued to stand in front of Whiskey. Neither of us were budging from our spots.

"If we wait for Balor to do something that makes him even more vulnerable, then we might have more of a chance. We don't have to worry about our lives as much, and we might have a good enough chance to catch Balor and not have him run again," Whiskey said in a relatively calm voice.

"But if we don't ride his ass now, then a lot more people could die!"

"It's a huge risk, sugar, and I'm not going to live with the guilt of your death. Just like I did with my high school sweetheart!" Whiskey shouted.

"You're telling me this? I've had to live with the guilt of my twin brother's death for a little over a year now. At this point, Whiskey, I'd much rather die a heroic death and avenge my brother's death than to wait around here and do nothing!"

"So you're sayin' you're willin' to drop everything we've sacrificed and die?" Whiskey asked, still keeping his voice in a shouting tone.

"If it comes down to it, then yeah."

That's when Whiskey erupted. His face was now a very clear beet red, and he was the angriest I've ever seen him. Even our time back in the snowy Ural Mountains wasn't as rage-fueled as this.

"There is no way in hell that I'm not lettin' you die, sugar! Uh-uh. No way. That would be stupid of you to go out there and get yourself killed."

"Oh, so now, you're calling me stupid for wanting to stop innocent people from dying at a fast rate," I shouted.

"That's not what I'm sayin'."

"Well, it sure sounds like it! It's sounding like you're holding me back. It's like you're stopping me from protecting you and the rest of the world," I started, still shouting. "It's like you never loved me. You're holding me back and not letting me save the world. It's like you're losing feelings for me."

My life flashed before my eyes as Whiskey sprang into action, getting deep into my personal bubble. He used his hand and grasped it onto my throat tightly, but it wasn't tight enough to choke the life out of me. My stomach dropped almost instantly when Whiskey did this.

Was he going to choke me to death?

Was he going to kill me just for disagreeing with him?

Our faces were centimeters away from one another. So much so that I could once again feel his hot, fuming breath beating down on the front of my face. As he and I locked eyes, I could see directly into his soul. It was fuming, angry...and I could tell he was contemplating his actions. He was regretting them, but on the outside, he was infuriated with me. Deep down, I was scared to death because Whiskey had never done this before. It's like he internally flipped a switch and turned into an angry individual. On the outside, however, I kept a strong, angry facade while using my eyes to showcase my feelings of burning desire and aggravation.

"Don't say that," he angrily started, still keeping a firm grasp on my throat. "You know that I love ya more than anything. So don't use that spewin' mouth of yours to say something like that when you know it isn't true."

I kept my infuriated eyes glued to Whiskey's. "Why not? It's one of our God given rights to have free speech. And I intend on using that whenever I damn well please."

"Not when that free speech threatens the ones you love," Whiskey added.

"But it sure looks like you're threatening me right now," I remarked, "and don't you say you aren't. I know you too damn well, Whiskey, and you're someone I love that seems to be threatening me using physical force. Well, guess what? It ain't gonna work because I already know your true intentions. You're not gonna follow through with it, and that makes me not afraid of you right now. In fact, it turns me on. It makes me want you even more. So this choking thing you're doing...yeah. It ain't workin' out the way you want it to."

He relinquished his grasp on my throat, and I was left breathing for air. I know Whiskey didn't intend on hurting me, but in that moment when he first lunged at me, it sure felt like it. He gave me a crooked smirk, glancing down at my lips briefly. He was thinking about kissing me again, but he never acted on this impulsive thought.

Deep down inside me, I wish he did.

Out of the blue, Whiskey's earpiece started to let out a ringing tone. It was almost like a telephone was ringing. His attention, in that moment, had immediately shifted from me to this apparent call.

"Sorry, sugar. Gotta take this," he said, walking out of the room and taking the call from Ginger Ale.

I was left stunned. Not just because of Whiskey's abrupt phone call, but also by what just went down. I must have severe mood swings or something of that nature because I switched into a depressive state.

After I sat at the foot of the bed, I broke down in tears. This was the biggest fight Whiskey and I had yet, with the encounter in the Ural Mountains coming nowhere near close. This case, however, was different. Whiskey turned to physicality as a threat, and it scared me. Did he really intend on killing me and covering his tracks? Deep down, I hoped he didn't. I love him too goddamn much. I can't let him go now. I just can't.

I buried my tear-soaked face in my hands, letting out loud and ugly sobs at this point. What if this fight—this fight we just had—would cause our relationship to end? What if this was the final straw? Just then, Whiskey entered back into the room and saw a disheveled me, sobbing uncontrollably at the foot of the bed. He was shocked at what he was seeing. He didn't think that I had the capability to cry, despite seeing me cry before. Almost immediately, however, that internal switch of his flipped, and his down-to-earth, concerned side was showing.

"Hey, hey, hey. What's goin' on, sugar? Why are you cryin'?" he asked, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close to him.

I sniffled and tried to say what I had to say in just one breath. I didn't want to stutter or have any interruptions in this serious comment I was about to roll out.

"This is it, ain't it? Our relationship?"

"What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" Whiskey asked.

"That fight we just had. That had to have ended this relationship we had," I said, still crying, but it was in a considerably less hysterical way.

Whiskey then got the face of realization and quickly switched back to his concerned side. "Sugar, no. It didn't. It definitely didn't."

He inhaled and started again. "People fight all the time. It's in their nature to. It's in our nature, even. Just because they have a verbal tussle doesn't mean their relationship is done. Not all fights are like that. People are gonna have disagreements. People aren't gonna see eye-to-eye all the time...It's just how we're made. Just because we fought like that, sugar, doesn't mean we're gonna end this relationship we had. It just means that we deeply care about one another to vent out our frustrations and disagreements with one another."

He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away all the tears that soaked my face. "I love ya, sugar. And I sure ain't gonna ditch this loving relationship we have just because of one fight. I love ya too goddamn much to do that."

I slightly smiled, letting him know that I appreciated what he did. He ran his hand along my jawline, allowing me to once again feel the coarse nature of his hand. Once he reached the bottom of my chin, he stopped, keeping his index finger underneath it. He used the finger to raise my chin up, guiding me to his eyes. His eyes were concerned, but they were underlined with power. He was demanding me to keep this gaze. This hungry gaze.

Then, he leaned in close to kiss me gently. A lot gentler than the previous kiss before while we were in the Ural Mountains. Is this how I was going to end the night? With a gentle, soothing make-up kiss with Whiskey?

Nope! Hell no!

Like a roller coaster, things between me and Whiskey escalated rather quickly. Before I knew it, I was doing everything I could to rip off my shirt as quickly as possible, all while Whiskey and I locked lips harder than ever.

That's right. Things were getting steamier than ever.

I knew where this was headed, and I was okay with it. I was thrown aggressively—but carefully—onto the bed, and there I saw Whiskey, standing over me in a much more demanding light than ever. He was serious, demanding...I guess he wanted me that much too.

"Now, I'm ready to make you scream my name so loud, those people in the states will be able to hear us. You think you can do that for me?"

"Of course," I said, trembling slightly.

Now that he was hovering over top of me, he forcefully pinned my wrists down to the bed. I didn't know that he was capable of such strength like this. I couldn't even move my wrists because of this strong force bearing down on them.

It should be noted that the rest of this night was a blur for me, mainly because it made me inconsolable—out of intimacy, of course—so after that moment, I can barely remember this night without getting hornier than ever.

And as my breath quickened and my heart beat louder than ever, there was one phrase that made me bite the inside of my cheek so hard that it nearly bled.

"Good girl."

[fraink5-writes]

In the Names of Freedom - Chapter 10

We've reached chapter 10--yay!!

Thanks a whole bunch to @leio13, my editor!!

Summary: After confirming the death of his latest target, Xiao’s secret mission is interrupted by an eccentric stranger in green, who claims to be Xiao’s protector! But the reality is much more convoluted… What destiny could possibly link Xiao with Venti—an assassin of hitmen?

This chapter can also be found on Ao3 here. Without further ado, please enjoy!

A few days had passed uneventfully after the incident, and now Xiao was sitting in the lobby of the Adepti Agency, waiting to finally talk to Morax about all that had happened. Since the two of them had returned to the office that day, Morax had been too busy dealing with Hu Tao and the never-ending number of detective cases Keqing threw at him that the only thing Xiao had heard from him was a single text message reading, "I read your report." It was Ganyu who told Xiao that Morax would be able to see him this morning. 

Currently, while Xiao waited, Ganyu was dealing with the ever-persistent Keqing at the reception desk. They seemed to be having a pleasant chat.

"It was on sale, so I had to buy it!" Keqing exclaimed.

"That's great," Ganyu replied with a smile. "I know you were worried you would miss it."

"I was soo busy with work, but by burning the midnight oil, I was able to get it all done."

"You must be so exhausted…"

"I got my shopping in, so I actually feel all refreshed right now! You should try it sometime. I can show you all the best places."

Xiao phased out Ganyu's answer as he heard familiar footsteps approach.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Xiao," Morax announced and beckoned Xiao to join him in his office. "I was unable to prepare your favorite snack, but please, have a seat."

Xiao sat with no objection. He wanted to immediately demand "What happened with Hu Tao?", but he held his tongue.

"I read your report," Morax said in the same inscrutable tone he started every meeting with. He poured two glasses of tea and passed one to Xiao. "I must say, I am disappointed. If you were met with such troubles, why didn't you say anything earlier?"

Xiao could only stare at his lap. "...I didn't want to bother anyone." The truth was also that he thought he could deal with it himself.

"Not every problem can be handled alone. You're lucky that the other party was just stalkers and that nothing bad happened to you. It could've been much worse, but, you know, it could have also been largely avoided. If you had seeked the help of the Agency, this issue could have been resolved without casualties." His words trod over Xiao like skates on a frozen lake. 

"...I understand."

For a second, Morax's mouth lingered slightly agape until he finally closed it with a sigh. "As a consequence for your reckless actions, I am extending your suspension by one week."

A week ago, Xiao might have been disappointed by this, but, at the current moment, he felt that he might've been getting off lightly. Plus, as long as Xiao was a target, that would remain his main business. "Excuse me," he spoke meekly. "What happened with Hu Tao?"

"Yes, of course. You must be anxious about that." Morax set his tea on the table. "I talked to Hu Tao, and, unfortunately, I was unable to pin down who incited this episode."

"How is that possible?!" Xiao's fingernails dug into his legs in an effort to hold himself back.

"Hu Tao received the intel from a trusted informant; however, they were killed around two weeks ago. Whatever information they may have had stored on you or their recent interactions was thoroughly destroyed. It seems our culprit is really good at covering their tracks. Most likely, they are still active, and…"

"They will strike again."

"Yes, probably."

"Then, I will—"

"No." Morax frowned. "You are to lie low. I can't risk you diving into any more trouble. That could be what the enemy wants. We don't know their intentions nor capabilities."

"That's why I…!" Xiao self-corrected his tone. "I don't want anyone to get hurt for me."

"No one will be getting hurt," Morax replied sternly. "We are going to use Hu Tao as bait."

"...Hu Tao…?"

"I released her from our keeping earlier. If the culprit still wants to reach you, they very well might seek out Hu Tao again. Don't worry, she should know better now than to bother you."

Xiao wanted to be angry at Hu Tao's release. He wanted to be angry on Morax's behalf. But if Morax himself had deemed Hu Tao's discharge to be the correct path, there was nothing Xiao could do.

Morax seemed to have noticed the scowl on Xiao's face. He added, "if she continues to cause problems, I will punish her more severely, okay? For now, I think the death of four of her employees is more than enough."

Xiao could only nod.

"I believe that concludes what I wanted to discuss. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"

Xiao shook his head. 

"I can tell you're not happy. What's wrong? Should I have made almond tofu?"

Xiao cracked a small smile at the joke attempt. "No… I'm just… worried."

"That's only natural, but you have nothing to worry about. We have to take precautions, of course, but, most likely, this is no more than a normal threat. What you should be thinking about is what you are going to do over the next two weeks of your vacation. Did you do anything fun last week?"

"Not really."

"What about at Qingce Village? It was beautiful, wasn't it?"

"I didn't notice." 

Zhongli's eyebrows furrowed over sad eyes.

"But—" Xiao quickly added—"I, uh, did see a glaze lily…"

"A glaze lily?" Although Zhongli was now smiling, his eyes still had a wistful air.

"I couldn't tell the difference between it and one from Liyue Harbor though."

"Hmm… I guess you wouldn't be able to."

"I also… saw… Mondstadt…"

"Mondstadt? From Qingce Village?"

"Well, where it should be… It was dark and lonely, but it was peaceful."

"Mondstadt is a beautiful country. Xiao, do you want to go to Monstadt?"

Xiao flustered as Hu Tao's words about running away flashed in his mind. "No—n-not at all!"

For a moment, Zhongli's mouth curled downward before returning to a neutral position. "Well, you don't have to go now, but you shouldn't rule it out so quickly either. Maybe in the future you could benefit from visiting another country like Mondstadt."

Xiao nodded slowly as Zhongli's meaning dawned on him; he wasn't suggesting that Xiao would abandon the Adepti, just that he could go on a trip. Of course, Xiao had no desire for that either.

With little left to discuss, Xiao and Morax's meeting came to an end. He slipped into the lobby, and, to his surprise, Keqing was still there, conversing with Ganyu. She was whispering. "That Ningguang, she thinks she's struck gold this time. She won't tell me, but she's acting all smug."

"What happened?" Ganyu asked.

"Apparently, she found a guy, someone who has dirt on most of the criminals in this city."

Xiao, who was about to leave, stopped suddenly. Instead, he decided to trifle quietly through the case request forms by the door. They were just decoration, and no one had ever written on one—well, until Keqing came along—but Xiao pretended to read them.

He could hear the nerves in Ganyu's response too. "That's… good… isn't it?"

"Maybe in someone else's hands. After Ningguang extorts information out of this person, who knows what she'll do with it. She certainly won't give it up to the rest of us. Someone with such volatile information should be in police custody—not with some rogues!"

"...I… know what you mean…" Ganyu chuckled ghastly.

"Sorry, I went on a tangent. I'm just tired of her lording over me. But I'm sure that will change soon! You guys have been a great help."

Keqing had switched topics almost as quickly as she started, but Xiao didn't move on so easily. Ningguang was the head of the country, but who was the informant? Could it be…?

Xiao's blood froze.

Venti.

Xiao hastily rushed out of the building and grabbed his phone. He hadn't heard anything from the crafty informant since the drunken texts four days ago. He hadn't thought much of it (maybe Venti finally was respecting his wishes of being left alone). But now he found himself dialing the number he had previously blocked. It rang several times and then the call ended without an answering machine.

[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime – Nine // Wanda Maximoff

chapter eight | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter ten

author’s note: a bit late with the update today, my bad. I’m just very exhausted lol. Hope you like it though! bit beefy, just how i like it 😂

I should have realised Wanda would be a handful after literally grabbing my arse less than a metre away from her fiancé.

The final straw came when we were sat together at a table, talking to a guest who wanted to know more about the wedding plans. Y/B/N had left Wanda alone for the remainder of the evening for God knows what reason, so I was left to babysit her and make sure she didn't do anything stupid. Of course, drunk Wanda was also disobedient as well as truthful and clingy.

As the woman we were sat opposite was talking about her own wedding – the first of three, apparently – Wanda's hand kept playing with mine under the table. I shot her a serious look before slapping it away gently. That wasn't enough though, as several times after, she continued to play with my fingers and intertwine hers in mine.

Not wanting to draw attention, I pushed Wanda's hand under her thigh with hopes she'd keep it there and stop fussing. I didn't think she was even listening to the woman and the story of her wedding dress debacle, as she was leaning on the palm of her hand and watching with boredom.

At one point, just when I thought Wanda was finally behaving, I felt her hand rest on my thigh, creeping up dangerously higher. Clenching my jaw to contain both the arousal and frustration I was feeling, I flicked my foot against hers before stuffing her hand under her thigh again. Glancing at her, she was smiling innocently in my direction.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" the woman stopped mid-talk, looking to Wanda.

Wanda straightened up in her seat, flashing the woman a bright smile. "Yes. But if I may ask–"

"Oh, no..." I mumbled, already internally facepalming.

"–don't you think my almost sister-in-law is very pretty?"

My head snapped to hers as I attempted to disguise my panic with a nervous smile. The woman looked between us, waiting patiently for Wanda to continue.

"Good looks runs in the family it seems," Wanda said, stretching her hand out to caress my cheek, but I immediately caught it before she could, chuckling awkwardly.

The woman found Wanda's behaviour funny as she nodded in agreement. "The Y/L/Ns are a very good looking family indeed. Especially your fiancé, dear. What a handsome man he is."

Wanda hummed in agreement, but her eyes were only focused on me. Under any other circumstances, I would have appreciated how cute she was and been touched at her words, but now wasn't that time.

"My lovely almost sister-in-law is particularly drunk tonight I'm afraid," I spoke truthfully to the woman, offering an apologetic smile. "I should make sure she's okay."

"Of course," the woman said, nodding. "It was nice speaking to you both."

I smiled in response for both of us before leading Wanda away from the table and to an emptier-looking part of the room. Spinning around, I gave her a disapproving look.

"You can't say that," I said quietly, shaking my head. "Not here. Not now."

She licked her lips, wearing an enchanting smile, unbothered by our surroundings. "I can't help it. I'm so in love with you and you look irresistible tonight, milaya (darling)."

I sighed, my neck growing warm as she watched me with adoration. "Okay, I think it's time to call it a night."

"No, I want to stay," she whined, but I ignored her and turned around to think about how we could leave.

Once again, I felt her hand squeeze my butt and when I turned around to scold her, I saw my brother over her shoulder, approaching us. I forced a smile on my lips and glanced at her with a glare. She grinned in response before joining my side and facing my brother with me.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked when he stopped by us.

"Good," I answered for us both, afraid Wanda would say something suspicious.

He nodded, smiling a little. "Thanks for keeping Wanda company tonight."

Using that as my opportunity, I said, "Yeah, about that. She's kind of drunk, so I think I'm going to take her home."

"Oh," he said with realisation. "I don't mind taking it from here."

I pursed my lips, desperately trying to think of a reason to stay with her. Thankfully, I didn't have to.

"How scandalous of you to want to me somewhere after hours with nobody else around," Wanda poked fun, attempting to make him feel uncomfortable. It worked.

"Oh, no– I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly, flushing at her insinuation. "Never mind." Looking to me, he added, "You should take her home and make sure she's okay. Maybe stay with her until her family gets home so you don't have to head home yourself."

I nodded, ignoring the proud smile on Wanda's lips. "Okay, see you later."

As I led Wanda outside the house and towards the carriages parked outside, I gave her a grateful look.

"Good thinking back there."

She chuckled. "He's so easy to manipulate."

"Not nice," I said, but couldn't stop the amused smile from playing on my lips.

The two of us got in the back of the carriage after I gave the driver her address and settled in. Wanda was quick to tilt my head towards her and connect our lips, but I pulled back quickly, making her frown.

"You've been very frustrating this evening," I said with a warning tone. "We get home and you get to bed. That's it."

"Well, that hardly seems fair," she said with a shake of her head. "I believe I behaved."

I tried not to laugh. "In what world, love?"

She smiled widely, eyes darting to my lips. "Some alternate universe."

"Smooth," I played along, before facing forward. "Sober up, dear. The ride isn't long."

When we reached her house, it was a struggle getting her to her bedroom, but it was an even bigger struggle getting her dressed. I managed to get her dress off, but she kept trying to kiss me as I tried to put her nightgown on. Between fits of laughter, she pushed my hands away and made me step back.

Hands on my hips, I stared down at her with a ghost of a smile on my lips. "Are you done? You can't just sleep in your bra and knickers."

She laughed, sat on the edge of her bed and looking up at me with tired eyes. "One kiss and I'll let you dress me."

"Definitely no." I shook my head. "We both know what happens after one kiss."

"When will there ever be an opportunity where we're alone together in my home?" she tried to make a point, but her accent was especially heavy, entwined with her drunkenness and making it harder to believe her logic.

I rested my hands on her shoulders and leaned my forehead on hers, staring into her eyes with amusement. "My beautiful love, you are drunk. We will not have sex when you're drunk."

Her hands tugged me closer by the waist as she smiled up at me. "But I know what I want. And I'm certain it's you."

"Not now," I repeated, removing her hands from my waist.

She pouted and I chuckled before kissing it away. Her tantrum seemed to tire her out as I was able to get her dressed after that, managing to tuck her under the covers.

"Stay with me," she mumbled, fingers clawing the air as a gesture for me to join her.

Nobody would be back for a while, I realised, and nobody was home.

"Fine," I gave in quickly, before kicking off my shoes and jumping into the bed beside her.

She grinned, snuggling into my side and breathing out contently. "Ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu (I love you so much)."

I kissed the top of her head, holding her close and hoping she couldn't hear the rate of my heartbeat pick up. "I love you, too, Wanda."

We stayed like that, in each other's arms, until I sadly had to get up and leave her. She was asleep by the time her family returned, her face relaxed and without the constraints of reality. I smiled to myself, feeling overwhelmed with how much I was in love with her. I was lucky to have met her, I knew that much, but I was also unlucky to have met her under our circumstances.

As usual, I couldn't help but wonder what could have happened if we weren't in the wrong lifetime...

I kissed her once more, whispering an 'I love you' to her, before leaving the room and wondering if one day I might be able to stay under the covers with her, cuddling until I fell asleep, too.

—

"It won't take long, I just need to give him this," Wanda said nonchalantly, referring to the notebooks in her hand. "Then we can grab lunch."

I nodded and the two of us walked down the street until we located the Maximoff Publishing House. I'd been here a few times when visiting my brother and it always gave me a fuzzy warm feeling, my brain formulating daydreams where I could be published, too. But that's all they were – daydreams.

Wanda held the door open for me as I walked in and I gave her an appreciative smile before she followed after. She led the way to her brother's office at the back of the building and we passed several desks – editors, authors and other employees alike – before reaching it. Through the window, Wanda and I could see Pietro sat behind his desk, pen working away at some papers.

"Piet," Wanda called, knocking on the door.

He looked up and grinned, instantly motioning for us to come inside. I followed after Wanda and closed the door behind us before stopping in front of his desk.

"Y/N, I'm so glad you came!" he exclaimed, standing up and stretching out his hands ecstatically. "I didn't think you would if I'm being honest."

I tilted my head, bemused. "Er... pardon?"

"Piet, she doesn't–" Wanda started, making me look to her. She cut herself off with a sigh, massaging the bridge of her nose and shaking her head. "Oh, God."

"I'm not sure what's happening here," I said with an awkward chuckle, before taking the notebooks from Wanda's hand and dropping them on Pietro's desk, "but these are for you. Wanda said you left them at home."

He chuckled, pushing the notebooks to the side, before reaching into his top drawer and throwing some pages before me. "These are genius, Y/N."

My brows creased together with confusion as I lifted the pages, looking through them to see what had got him all happy. As my eyes skimmed the writing, my heart dropped. This was my writing.

"H-how did you get this?" I stammered, looking up at him.

His eyes flickered to Wanda and I immediately put the pieces together, my gaze falling to her. She smiled bashfully before avoiding my eyes. She'd given him my work without telling me? And she'd tricked me into coming here for this?

"I want to sign you," he stated, clasping his hands together. "Your work is amazing, arguably better than you brother's. You really undersold! And the fact that these are just excerpts means your actual completed work is even better. And I want it here at Maximoff Publishing."

My palms were sweaty as I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn't know what. He wanted to sign me? Like, properly sign me?

"Y/N?" Wanda prompted, making me look her way. She watched with encouraging eyes, nodding to her brother.

I swallowed hard and looked to Pietro. "I'll have to think about it."

My family's reaction would not be kind, I knew that now. All my life I'd been hearing about how it was unladylike and unattractive for a woman to be a writer, how I should just leave the writing to Y/B/N. He was the writer and I needed to get over it because nobody would want to publish me. Yet, here we were.

"Y/N, what are you saying?" Wanda asked, resting a hand on my forearm to get my attention. "You've talked about being published for ages."

I was beginning to regret mentioning that silly fantasy to Wanda. If I'd known she was going to give my work to her brother, I never would have said anything.

"It's fine, Wan, she just needs time to mull it over," Pietro said dismissively, before smiling at me. "I do hope you'll decide soon though."

I forced a small smile his way before turning to leave. When I reached the empty hallway, Wanda was quick to run after me, tugging me backwards so I would face her.

"Why did you do that?" I asked instantly, frowning, feeling betrayed. "What made you think I wanted this?"

Her fingers touched mine gently as she looked between my eyes. "You've told me you wanted this. I know you want this."

I shook my head, letting go of her hand and stepping back. "I can't believe you took my work and gave it to him without asking. You shouldn't have done this, Wanda. You're making waves and–"

"You deserve this," she proclaimed sternly, silencing me. Her eyes were fiery as she stared hard. "You deserve to get the credit, too. Not just your brother. It's about damn time, Y/N."

My lips pressed together firmly as I held her stare, though she was winning as she told me everything I'd wanted to hear. Just once, somebody believed in me, but I was so used to hearing otherwise that it felt foreign.

"Pietro wants to help," she said, expression softening. "He recognises talent and you have it. Maybe I should have asked before giving him your work, maybe I shouldn't have. But I know that it was the only way to push you. You're so content accepting what other people want that you don't chase what you deserve."

Her passion and belief for my work warmed my heart to the core and I was certain that I'd never been more in love with her than I was now. She didn't have to care, but she did. For once, somebody did.

"Nobody will like this," I muttered, half-convinced but still worried about the drawbacks. "It could destroy your brother's career. It could backfire."

Wanda shook her head, stepping forward and resting a hand on my neck, thumb stroking the skin comfortingly. "He wouldn't take the risk if he didn't believe in you."

I placed my hand over hers, taking it between mine as I squeezed it gently, gratefully. I didn't know what else to say, since she'd countered all of my arguments. Everything apart from my family's reaction, which she couldn't control.

"I did this for you," she murmured, before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me in for a hug. "For you to finally get what you deserve. So that you can make your own money and nobody can take it from you."

She paused as I returned her hug, though I was pondering her words, not knowing she felt that way. It sounded like she'd given this some thought. More than she was letting on.

"Especially if you get married," she added after consideration, and I pulled away, ready to say otherwise, but she closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, I know you don't like talking about it, but it needs to be said." She opened her eyes and I realised they were glassy with unshed tears. "I need you to be okay when it happens. I don't–" She sucked up a breath, smiling to relieve the tension, though it was full of pain. "I don't want some man owning you."

"Any money I make will belong to him anyway," I said, knowing she knew the world we lived in.

A downhearted chuckle escaped her lips. "You wouldn't allow that, Y/N, we both know that."

She wasn't wrong. But the thought of even being married to somebody that wasn't her made my heart crumble in my chest.

"Just think about it, okay?" she asked pleadingly. "Promise me you'll think about it? Properly?"

I nodded, reassuring her with a sad smile. "I will. I promise." She sighed with relief, tense shoulders relaxing. I continued quietly, "Thank you, Wanda. For all of this. For everything."

She nodded, before laughing to distract from the tear that slipped from her eye. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do. She was so concerned about my future without her and it pained me to see. We never talked about it – an unspoken agreement – because it was too difficult to accept.

"Come on," she said, changing the subject. "Let's go get that lunch we came here for."

—

I hadn't made up my mind about the publishing deal, but I was starting to veer towards a 'yes'.

A few days passed since Pietro made the offer and I hadn't told anybody of it. Only Wanda knew and she hadn't brought it up since, clearly not wanting to pressure me into a decision which I appreciated. It made me realise that I really wanted this for myself. I deserved this for myself, even if I'd been taught otherwise.

It was those few days later when the Maximoffs came over for dinner and it was the first time I'd seen Pietro since he made me the offer. When he greeted me at the door, he smiled brightly.

"I assume you haven't made a decision," he noted.

"You assumed correctly," I said with amusement, though I could tell he really wanted to know.

"Very well," he said with a shrug. "I guess I'll just have to change your mind."

I quirked a brow, wondering what he meant by that, but he simply walked past me and into the living room. Wanda smiled at me next, squeezing my hand and greeting me with a hug.

"You okay?" she asked lowly, a hint of concern in her eyes.

"I'm good," I promised. "Are you?"

"Yes," she said with a small smile. Just like her brother, I could tell she wanted to know what I was thinking.

After our two families conversed in the living room for a while, dinner was served by our servants and we all took to the table to continue our chatter.

"So, Pietro," my father started, looking across the table to him. "How is business going at the publishing house?"

I should have known what he would do when he glanced at me with mischievous eyes.

"It's going great," he answered my father respectfully. "We've actually sought out a new author to add to the list of names we represent."

My eyes widened when I realised what he was doing.

"Oh, really?" my dad asked with surprise. "Who is he?"

Pietro looked in my direction and I forgot how to breathe. "It's actually your daughter, sir."

All eyes fell to me as I locked my gaze on the cutlery beside my plate.

"Y/N? You want to sign Y/N?" asked my dad for clarification.

"I do," he said with a grin, and my face was heating up the longer this conversation went on. "Wanda saw her work and thought I'd be interested. I am. I think she'd make a great fit at our publishing house. And if she has a manuscript to show us, then I'd love to publish it."

"You did this?" Y/B/N asked Wanda with raised brows, jealousy intertwined in his voice.

"Yes, I did," she answered, unaffected by his irritation. "She's really talented."

I risked glancing up, smiling at Wanda appreciatively. She nodded in response, the corner of her mouth lifting adorably, making my heart flutter.

"She really is," Pietro agreed, before looking to my dad who still seemed taken aback. "She probably got that from you. Writing seems to run in the family."

My dad looked at me across the table, his eyes softening. All of our conversations flashed to mind where he claimed he was discouraging me for my own benefit. But now, everything he'd thought wouldn't happen was. Would he still be against the idea?

"D'you really think she'd sell?" he finally spoke, looking to Pietro, and I couldn't contain the smile from my lips.

"Yeah, don't women struggle with their first book?" my brother asked, and when I examined his expression, I saw the distaste.

"I actually think she'd do really well...," Pietro began to explain, before going into a long rant about numbers and sales and past examples.

As he spoke, my brother got progressively more frustrated and I frowned, wondering why he couldn't be supportive like our parents were being. Did he want to be the only author in our family that bad? Or was he just afraid that I wouldn't help him with his own books anymore?

"Thank you for explaining all of that," my dad said once he was done. He smiled, impressed, looking to me. "I actually love the idea."

I felt lightweight when he said that. Things were actually starting to look up for me. My dad was actually supporting my passion and it was all I'd wanted to hear since I was a kid. Trying to hide my elation behind a smile, I took a sip of water. 

"Maybe Pietro is just trying to sweeten Y/N up so he can propose," Y/B/N suddenly said, making me choke on my water.

Looking to him with disbelief, he had a friendly smile on his lips, but I saw right through it.

"Y/B/N," Wanda scolded beside him. "Don't joke about that."

"Yeah, I can assure you that's not the case," Pietro added with a chuckle, unfazed by my brother's bitterness.

"I know that," I said reassuringly, before glaring at my brother. "You don't need to dignify him with a response, Pietro."

Changing the subject, my mother spoke up with a laugh. "Well, I think this is delightful. Y/N has always loved to write and I used to think it wasn't an appropriate future for a young woman, but if you are saying it could be, then I'm fully supportive of the idea."

I smiled at her, unable to believe she'd actually said that. She was the last person I thought would approve.

"Pietro has a good eye with these things," Oleg pointed out. "If he thinks it'll be successful, it will be."

My parents began to talk about how writing was something I'd loved for a long time, but I wasn't really listening because I felt overwhelmed with happiness. Pietro caught my eye, winking playfully, and I hoped he knew how grateful I was at what he'd done. Under the table, Wanda's fingers laced through mine and I didn't let go. Giving her a sideways glance, I thanked her with my eyes. She smiled widely and I tried very hard not to kiss her.

"...it's not the conventional route, but Y/N deserves it," my dad said, and I perked up with realisation.

"Maybe Wanda could break the conventional, too," I said, wanting to repay the brunette beside me.

"What do you mean?" she asked with furrowed brows.

I gave her a smile of disbelief. "Wanda, your art. It's stunning. Everything you create could easily sell for hundreds of pounds."

Her lips parted with surprise as she struggled to find words.

"That's not a bad idea, you know," Iryna said with thought. "Especially if Y/N's signing goes to plan."

Oleg groaned playfully, looking to my father. "This is happening so quickly... our girls are growing up, Y/D/N."

My dad chuckled alongside him as I stroked the top of Wanda's hand with my thumb. She squeezed it gently and I smiled to myself.

"You'll make tons of money," I said with certainty. "Your work is incredible, Wanda."

"I'll make enough money to support the both of us," Y/B/N said, doing a terrible job at hiding his frustration.

I looked over Wanda and to him with a hard stare and fake smile. "It's not even about the money to be honest. Maybe it's just about Wanda doing something she loves."

He nodded in agreement, though his eyes glared daggers at me. "I agree. And I won't stop her. But there's no need to sell her work. She can still practice her craft as usual. Heck, I'll even get her a studio."

I quirked a brow challengingly. "And what if she wants to sell it?"

Y/B/N clenched his jaw behind a forced smile. I ignored the warning look Wanda gave me in my peripheral and didn't dare look away from my brother's gaze. This was a side to him that I definitely didn't like.

My mum suddenly laughed to clear the air, but it was nervous and concerned. "Ah, sibling rivalry. Such playful nonsense."

"I believe the dessert is coming out now," my dad added, stealing the Maximoffs' attention away from my brother and I. "We're having soufflé."

With a final glare to my brother, I returned to eating. Any chatter of Wanda and I's potential careers ceased and my parents attempted to make the rest of the meal worthwhile.

As much as I wanted to be excited at the possibility of accepting Pietro's deal, especially since I had my parents' support, I couldn't help but think about what just happened with my brother. What was his problem?

When the meal ended, we all had some tea in the living room before bringing the evening to a close. At the door, we said our goodbyes to the Maximoffs and I was sure to thank Pietro.

"You didn't have to do that back there," I said as we shook hands, "but thank you. I think I know my answer now."

"Anything for my sister's best friend," he said with his signature charming smile. "And I hope it's what I think it is. Though, I suppose you won't tell me now."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Not now."

"Soon, I hope." He nodded conclusively. "Have a good evening, Y/N."

Wanda shoved him out the way before I could respond before pulling me in for a hug. Pietro didn't seem offended as he gave me a knowing look over her shoulder. I stared back inquisitively, but got distracted when Wanda broke the hug, finding my eyes.

"You okay after what happened?" she asked gently, eyes subtly gesturing to my brother who was bidding her parents a goodbye.

"I'm okay," I reassured her with a smile. "Thanks for tonight."

She returned my smile. "Thank you. I think my parents actually took me seriously for a change."

"It's the least I could do," I told her, fully aware of everything she'd done for me.

Her smile widened, eyes flickering to my lips conspicuously. I shoved her gently, knowing what she was thinking and reminding her that we were in front of both of our families right now. She rolled her eyes playfully before stepping back.

"Such a handful," I mumbled jokingly.

When they left, the first thing Y/B/N did was storm off to his study. My parents exchanged glances before looking to me.

"Be nice," my mum warned.

"We'll see," I muttered under my breath, looking in the direction he'd gone.

Oh, was he about to get a piece of my mind.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Not My Yacht" *Chapter 1?*

So this is interesting:

So "Not My Yacht" was my very first fic. Like, I'm talking VERY VERY first.

So when I started asking around about ideas for a new series, a few of my lovelies went through my one shots and this story and "Doodling" got some good votes.

So, I decided to include the one shot and just added to it for a POTENTIAL new series. We'll see how this chapter goes over.

Also I'll be including Rita Calhoun in this for the FIRST time ever, so I may need assistance from @storiesofsvu to get her voice right. I did my best here. I'll be honest I've never really watched her, just that one where that guy blackmailed her or something.

Also Also, if it wasn't obvious enough this is obviously the beginning of the SVU episode "Her Negations".

I don't want to give anything away because I haven't even really thought that far, but I'm 95% sure this is going to turn in a William Lewis situation fic. So...pretty dark. I'm just warning you NOW.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

And yes, the results are in. There is a part 2!

You breathed in the salty air of the sea of the sunny South Hampton shore; It was a beautiful day for a yacht party.

You walked along the pier as you got closer to your boss’s boat: The Crime Wave. Her husband’s idea of a funny name she claimed as she had invited people from the office to this soiree. You were lucky to even get an invite, just being the assistant to the owner of the law firm. “Who else is going to help me dodge boring conversations with men who just wanted a "free ride” on the bosses boat?“ She had teased you; or at least you hoped she was kidding.

You really wanted to just relax and mingle among the elite lawyers of NYC, seeing as you wanted to be one of them someday.

You saw your boss, Rita Calhoun waving you down as you reached the dock space.

"Ah! There you are, for a minute I thought I’d have to mix my own drinks!” She laughed with a wink. You laugh nervously, unable to discern if she was kidding.

“Calm down sweetie, I’m a big girl. Besides, I like to make them myself, strong,” she laughed again, patting your shoulder. Crap had your face looked that panicked? Keep it cool!

“Go ahead, enjoy yourself. I’ll be here, making sure none of those damn punks tries to sneak on here for free booze,” she scoffed, nodding to a group of highly dressed teens playing chicken on the shoreline.

You nodded with a half laugh, stepping onto the yacht. It was a decent size, a second level deck and a very spacious main level. Not a lot of people had arrived yet, so you decided to pick a spot on the yachts back bench area before all the seating was taken. You began removing your over clothes revealing your swimming wear when you hear Rita greet someone else.

“Ah, Barba. You know we have flare guns on board,”

You turn to see the ADA of New York, Rafael Barba. He’s dressed in a windbreaker and what could be either a dark red or salmon polo. You realize Mrs. Calhoun is referring to the almost neon yellow color of the windbreaker, and you can’t help but giggle. It must have been way too loud because they both turn to you which caused you to immediately shut up and go back to undressing and laying out your towel, but ever so slightly still honed in on the conversation.

“You can never be too careful Rita, who knows how many enemies I’ve made in this town; someone might throw me over,” he smirked.

“And anyone here could make it look like a very convincing accident….even my aspiring protege over there,” Rita nods over to you, knowing full well what you were doing.

Barba turned and looked at you, your body frozen in mid towel thrust. You didn’t know whether to throw it over yourself or just run off the boat right there.

“I know it’s an awful jacket dear, you don’t have to keep staring at him.” She called over to you. God why did she have to be so….her.

“Jesus Rita give the girl a break, or did you invite her just to torture her on unbillable hours?” Barba scoffed with a half smile, walking over to you.

“Is it really worth the minimum wage to put up with her?” He asked.

“Mmm…it’s more for the experience, honestly.” You replied surprisingly smoothly.

“Oh….well I mean I could give you the experience without–” He started but was interrupted by your boss’s loud exclaiming.

“Yeah I’ll BET you’d give her experience Barba! Stop hitting on my intern and mingle with the adults.”

If you could dig a hole straight through the boat into the ocean you would do it right then and there.

“…..Without THAT.” He rolled his eyes, lightly flipping her the bird behind his back. You see her respond with a laugh then turns her attention back to the guests boarding.

“She’s probably been drinking since she got on the boat, yeah?” He asked you.

“I…I don’t know I just got here….” You managed to squeak out as your towel strayed from your hands. Barba grabbed it and helped you reposition it on the bench.

“Kinda windy for a yacht party, but Rita will take any chance to celebrate anything remotely resembling a boost to her ego. Am I right?” He chuckled, before sitting down on your towel.

“Just to keep it from blowing away, do you mind?” He asked, gesturing for you to join him. You nodded a boisterous “NO”, plopping next to him on the bench.

“I’m Rafael Barba,” he extended his hand to you, which you took and shook gently, praying to God he didn’t notice you were literally shaking. You had probably had the biggest crush on him since you started working with Mrs. Calhoun, he was constantly in her office challenging her with warrants and favors.

“Oh yeah I know,” you blurted out, mentally facepalming immediately.

“I see….” He raised an eyebrow. “And you are….?”

You were about to answer when his phone went off. He answered it putting one finger up and mouthing the words “one second.”

“Barba. Yeah….what? Seriously, Olivia? On a Sunday?!” He groaned into his phone with an exaggerated eye roll. He raised his hand and ran it over his face begrudgingly as he talked.

“Yeah….alright, fine. Yeah I’ll be there, give me an hour. I’m in the Hamptons. Because it’s my day off, Liv! Do you think I lock myself in my office over the weekends like a vampire in a coffin? Yeah…I’m sorry, I just…” He glanced at you.

“I was enjoying my Sunday.” He gave you a small sad smile.

“Yeah. Ok. See you soon.” He hung up the phone with an exasperated sigh.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go back to the city. Don’t let Rita push you around too much, okay?” He chuckled, rubbing the top of your head like a puppy. You felt your face scrunch up in annoyance, seriously? He thought of you as a kid?!

He obviously noticed, and quickly held out his hand again very sternly.

“Sorry, future counselor.” He said in an overly serious tone, and you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling. Again. Like an idiot.

Relieved he had fixed his faux paux, he gave you one last beautiful Barba grin as he jogged over to Rita and told her something before nodding to you once again, then walked off the boat and disappearing down the pier.

Your boss sauntered over to you, a shit eating grin across her face.

“Well Cinderella, you sure kept that cool.” She gestured for your phone beside you.

“Be sure to tell him your name this time,” she winked, handing it back to you. You glanced down at it as she walked away; she had added a number to your contacts.

“BHole Barba.” You laughed out loud. Nice. Maybe she wasn’t such a horrible boss after all….

--------------

By Monday you still hadn’t had the balls to text Rafael Barba. You had just stared at the number in your phone, imagining all the possibilities contacting him would lead to. You may have gotten so far as planning your summer wedding in the Hamptons, but nobody needed to know that.

But you had chickened out and left it alone, and now you were sitting at your desk typing up a memo for Rita when you saw him come waltzing through the door.

“Ah, Cinderella!” He smiled at you.

“Hey…” Your mind went blank, you couldn’t think of words. Wait, had he already given you a nickname?

“Cinderella?” You blinked in confusion.

“Well I never caught your name-- But I guess I shouldn’t even push it, you’ve clearly moved on and I must seem like a creep,” His train of thought proceeded out loud as he realized you hadn’t taken his number and here he was still flirting with you. Rita had given it to you, he had seen her type it in your phone. Obviously you weren’t interested, why was he pushing this?

“What? NO!” You said a little louder than you intended, actually a lot louder than you intended. You slapped your hand over your mouth after your little outburst, but to you relief he was still smiling.

“Oh? Well I suppose that’s good…” He was obviously fishing for your excuse as to why you had waited until he popped back in your face to talk to him.

“No, I um--” You racked your brain for an excuse that wasn’t “I was busy planning our lives together”.

“I….couldn’t think of something interesting to say,” You finally admitted with a pitiful sigh. You were not a good liar, and under pressure, forget about it.

Again, he still smiled-- but this time he laughed along with it.

“I mean, ‘Hello’ is always an option,” He chuckled. “Or...your name?”

“Oh!” Idiot. You hadn’t even given him your name, how was he supposed to fall madly in love with you without a name?

“Y/N,” You stuck your hand out awkwardly, Was this a ‘shake hands’ moment? Hadn’t you already met before? You stared at your hand as you moved it slightly back and forth, arguing with yourself whether or not this was necessary. Luckily, Rafael settled the argument by taking your hand and shaking it firmly.

His hands were so soft, his long fingers enveloped yours in them. You lost yourself in the moment, and before you knew it he was making an uncomfortable cough, snapping you back to reality. You dropped his hand and snapped yours back into your body like a zip cord, your face in a horrified stare.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, that was so weird. I’m weird. I’m--”

“Well I don’t know what you were so worried about Cinderella, you’re clearly a chatterbox,” He gave you a tongued smile, referring to the word vomit you just couldn’t help spill all over him.

“Oh yeah, I’m a total word machine,” You laughed nervously. A word machine? What the fuck was that?

“...Word machine. Right,” He nodded in amusement. “Well word machine, would you mind shooting some words to my phone, or do you just enjoy this face to face thing?”

“With that face? Definitely the latter. But you can have my number anyway,” You typed a quick message and sent it to his number. Damn that was smooth! How did you do that?

Rafael made an impressed face with your line, but when he opened his phone his brows furrowed.

“Hit?” He gave you a curious look as he read the text out loud.

“Fuck it was supposed to be ‘hi’-- stupid autocorrect,” You muttered angrily. Yeah, that was more like you.

“Oh yes, the dreaded autocorrect,” He nodded while saving your number. “Turning fucks into ducks since 2011,”

“Oh I didn’t have a phone in 7th grade but I’ll take your word for it,” You laughed, but stopped when his face twisted into a mix of horror and discomfort when he realized how young you actually were.

Dammit. Why...why would you do this?

“....Right, is Rita in?” He quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket and headed into Rita’s office before you could answer.

“...Idiot!” You yelled at yourself as your hands went over your face and your face planted into your desk.

Well, that was nice while it lasted. All 2.5 seconds of it.

-----------------

“Well Barba, about time,” Rita smirked as Rafael abruptly burst into her office trying to get away from you. “Done flirting with the intern are we?”

“Shut up,” He rolled his eyes, though his face was a deep shade of red.

“Oh no, what happened? Did your dentures fall out in front of her?” She smirked.

“I’m younger than you!!” He scoffed.

“Yeah but I’m not the one trying to boff a 25 year old,” She smirked harder, making Rafael angrier.

“Can I just get the warrant I came here for, Rita?” He huffed.

“Oooh, struck a nerve there, did I?” Rita chuckled as she grabbed some papers from her desk and started to hand them to him. “Barba, for the record I’m really not judging you. If I were 20 years younger, I’d hit it too,”

“Excuse me?”

“I had a lot of ‘cats’ in college,” She winked.

“Wow,” Rafael held up his hands. “Rita, we really don’t need to be that personal.”

“Fine, but all I’m saying is if you like the girl, don’t let a stupid thing like age deter you. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s actually very competent and organized. I would almost prefer her not to graduate, unless she'd come work for me. She’s going to be a hell of a lawyer,” She gestured outside to your desk.

Rafael looked at the ground as he mulled over what she was saying, a small smile crawled across his lips as she complimented your potential.

“I’ll take that under advisement, Mrs. Calhoun,” He nodded as he walked towards the door with the papers in his hand, a huge smile across his face now.

He walked out to find you cursing at yourself and whimpering in embarrassment at your desk. When you heard the door shut you snapped to attention and stared at him, shocked he hadn't sprinted out of the office like Usain Bolt. Even more shocking was that Cheshire cat grin now upon his face.

“I-I’m sorry, I totally meant I was--” You tried doing math trying to make yourself reasonably older.

“It’s fine,” He chuckled as he put a hand over your counting fingers. You blushed at the touch of his skin on yours again, but quickly shoved your hands under the desk nervously as you tried not to look him square in the eye. His eyes were so gorgeous you were positive staring straight into them would actually get you pregnant.

“So does Rita ever unchain you from this desk?” He smirked as he was now very aware and very amused at how nervous he made you. He may be old, but clearly he’s still got it.

“Oh yeah, if I ask very nicely she let’s me--” You tried to think of something witty, but it wasn’t coming with him staring at you with those eyes. “....Yes,” You wanted to put your hands over your face but you didn’t want it to be a ‘thing’.

“Well, maybe if you’re an extra good girl she’ll let you off your leash early tonight,” He winked.

“....Am I a dog or a toddler in that situation?” You were genuinely asking, but Rafael clearly realized how insulting that must have seemed.

“Oh no no no, I just, shit,” He tried to backtrack but if he was being totally honest, you made him nervous. Maybe he didn’t have ‘it’ as much as he thought.

You noticed he was the one blushing now, oh my god were you making him nervous? QUICK, BE SMOOTH. BE SMOOTHER THAN YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN YOUR LIFE.

“Are you asking me out, counselor?” You did your best “sultry “voice with a bat of your eyes. Were you batting them too much? What was too much? Oh god you’ve done it for too long now. STOP BATTING.

“...I don’t know, guess you’ll have to wait for me to text you, future counselor,” He was impressed by the line, and decided to bow out before either of you made idiots of yourselves again. He gave you a wink and sauntered out of the office.

Great. Now he’ll probably make you wait two days for a--

*BEEP*

Your phone went off in your desk. You pulled it out to see a text message:

BHOLE BARBA: Dinner? Tonight?

You really needed to change his contact name. But that wasn’t the point right now. He just asked you out. Rafael Barba just asked you out. You stared at in your hands, unsure of what to do. Then you realized you couldn’t do this again, you couldn’t just sit there and imagine things, this required an immediate response.

You nervously typed a reply and hit SEND:

Sire ;)

“DAMMIT!!!” You cursed your autocorrect. You instantly sent another text.

Sure***

Before you could lecture yourself again, your phone beeped again:

BHOLE BARBA: Play

Play? What did that--

BHOLE: Okay** ;)

You typed the word ‘okay’ into your text reply bubble, ‘play’ came up in the autocorrect word list.

He was joking with you. He was flirting with you. RAFAEL BARBA WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU.

This work day could not end fast enough.

[itsmypeach13]

[Read only if you are okay with female &female relationships. Warning because of strong language, fighting scenes. Rating is +18]

[Hello my ravens! ❤️It's been an eternity but please welcome my second chapter of my Soma POV fanfic, things will get messy and entangled full of angst and more angst. I hope you'll like it, I spiced things up with flirty Valka and women fighting🤭 Let me know what you think in the comments any opinion/thought is welcome🥺❤️]

TALES OF THE BEAR-HEART: SOMA

CHAPTER II.

Battling Hearts

The soft crackling sound of fireflames embracing hardwood woke me up tenderly. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Revna sitting by the fire sharpening her dagger, preparing for the battle ahead of us. Her raven-black long hair was braided at the sides and neatly It must have been around dawn, but it was still pitch-black outside. Busy voices surrounded us, swords clinked, horses were running up and down impatiently, some people shouted over to the other with instructions. Valka's magical sleep potion put me so well to sleep, that I was surprised at myself how late I could join onboard the ship towards the brewing sea of bloodshed. I had to pull myself together and that only worked with some ice-cold river water and some excercise.

'Good morning Revna'-I greeted my warrior as I swiftly sat up and put on my stone-hard armor.

'To you as well.'-she wiked at me playfully and lifted up the pair of the iconic hammers fixating them on her sides. ' Now you slept well for sure, how is that you sleep the soundest when battle is so near?-she laughed a little and took a sip of water from the table.

'Valka's hand in that.-I raised my brows slightly. 'Sorry, I didn't plan to start like this Revna. I have to go now and freshen up. Shall we meet at the entrance of the longhouse?'

'You're such a womanizer you know that right?'-she held up her tusk. ' Valka is a fine woman, I am happy for you now. I will meet you there nevertheless.'

'Ha!..You're absolutely misunderstanding, but I have to rush now.'- After this conversation, the fine shilouette of Valka's back flashed through my mind from last night. I quickly stepped into reality once I was out of my hut. The Raven warriors painted their faces with red and white strokes, most of them were saddling the horses.

I hurried to the shores of the river nearby, finally allowing my flaming skin to meet with the freezing waves of water. I gathered some liquid in my palms so that I could splash it onto my face over and over again. It felt like a hit on my cheeks that put me into the right battling spirits, and imagining Randvi's head on the enemy's helped a lot also.

I did some stretching and sprinting in the shores, while sloppy waves embraced the land. I was sharpening my axe and asked for Thor's strength and blessing, when I heard cat-like footsteps from behind approaching me.

'Your blade is already sharp enough, Bear-heart'-said Valka smirking, while she walked up to me.

'I could cut down a village with it yes. I guess it's just my ritual before I actually do it.'

'I bought you some food, here, some died figs with bread and a slice of boar meat from last night.'- she kindly handed over the plate.

'Thank you Valka, the gods bless your kind spirit. This will help me to do my best today. For Ravensthorpe..and Eivor.' While I started eating quickly, we sat by the shore and Valka carried on.'

'Soma, you have to remember, whatever happens today, you can count on me, you know where to find me. I saw into your soul last night and found loneliness there. But you are not so alone.' -she stroked my arm then stood up and disappeared in the crowd of warriors.

I was startled a bit, the last piece of bread almost choked me. Was that a friendly invite to her hut? I mean, private hut? I guess she needs cleaning there if you know what I mean. Who would have thought.

***

When I rode to the longhouse, a massive crowd of warriors have gathered in front of the building. The golden locks of Eivor showed up with that deadly, stern smirk on her face. She was riding a snow-white mare with her armor glistening in the awakening morning sunrays. A huge hunnish bow spread on her broad back and two axes were fixated on her sides, one can never be so sure with just one, right? Randvi followed her closely, rumour has it that she is going in battle after long years spent in the map room. I was curious how she would perform outside these walls. Revna joined me swiftly and we quickly caught up with Eivor and other leaders riding in the front.

As if she sensed my closeness, the wolf-kissed greeted me with a wide smile.

'Morning Soma, I hope you are ready to spill some blood today with me.'

How could she know I was ready to do anything with her, my eyes wandered on those rosy lips talking to me. She looked stunning with freshly dried warpaint framing her ocean eyes.

'I will smash skulls today, as my father taught me'I assured her. ' You don't want to make it a contest, I am the champion in this.'

'We'll see, I will beat your ass.' Eivor uttering those words brought me to the depts of my wildest fantasies for a moment. Holy mother of.. A shiver went through my spine as I actually pictured this. 'Okay, whoever wins this beheading game will pay for the best ale in land for a week.'

'That's a deal, officially.'-Eivor agreed playfully.

As we left Ravensthorpe Randvi joined us to briefly go through our plans , and of course to keep an eye on her drengr.

'Hi Soma..I hope you haven't lacked the care and wealth of Ravensthorpe.'

'Thanks Randvi, I had everything I needed' except for Eivor in my bed last night, but I guess that's the VIP package. It’s good I didn’t say this out loud.

'Good. Now our plans are the following. Eivor and you will hide in the thick bushes of the main road on both sides with our archers. When Birna's army is well inside the trap, Eivor will sign you with her horn, then both of your teams will fire and wipe out as many as you can. I will wait for Eivor's horn and join with a group on horsebacks to push them back towards the hills where their camp is. We'll follow them and burn it down to force them out of mainland.

Cheolbert's army will be only used if necessary. They are stationed on the right side of the forest.'

'Smart plan Randvi, I am sure we can protect our people, which is the most important aim, I feel honoured to be here today and lead this army' -Eivor answered then we positioned our forces in the thick undergrowth of the main road. Some archers even hid high on the old oak trees to have a nice and deadly view on the road. Our eyes met with Eivor and I was once again stunned by those piercing blue eyes, radiating godlike power and trust in me. She made me weak with one stern look, this feeling was brand new for me..Soma trembling like a leaf in the autumn breeze? My eyes wandered lower, on Eivor’s bulging arms holding those big, heavy axes.

Revna positioned herself right beside me like a protective bastian ready to spill blood, her hands firmly gripping the two hammers.

’They will eat my hammer for breakfast.’-she whispered to me, keeping her voice down.

A medium group of soldiers were nearing our forces, all of them on horseback.

They were led by a young woman with blood red hair, riding on a pitch-black horse. Just before Eivor could use her horn to give the sign for us to attack them, the enemy started throwing flaming throving balls into the thick and completely dry undergrowth that caught on fire in no time. They knew exactly where we were hiding, forcing us to be distracted for a second and be stunned by their unexpected moves. Revna quickly brought me back to reality with her loud roar she jumped out of the bushes and ranted at our enemy. As if she were a deadly panther, she pulled a man down from his straddle , threw him on the ground finally smashing his face on both sides with her double hammers. What left off that head was forming an unrecognizable mixture of broken bones and flesh.

I joined her swiftly and shouted at all of my men:'Don't just stare, cut all of the bastards down and burn their flesh!' The archers could perform a swift attack from above before the flames got to the upper branches, then joined us from behind our shield wall Eivor was forming with the Ravens.

I quickly got on my horse and joined at the side of Revna, who was sandwiched between two twin shieldmaidens fighting with swords. Just before the bigger one could plunge her longsword into Revna's spine, I trapped her with my axe, agressively pulled her body to mine from behind holding her still for a moment shouting in her face: 'I will burn your whole village for this.' -then I slit her throat and pushed the body down to the dust. My face became sprayed with fresh blood, and I could see Revna kept herself busy, the other one joined her sister in death.

-Thanks Soma, I am glad you have my back, literally -Revna shouted at me with ave.

-I am never late, you know me.-I winked at her assuringly. -someone betrayed us Revna..we have to find that son of a bitch. -I shouted back while I saw a huge man charging at me with a poisoned axe.

-You will die bitch-his deep growl ecoed in my ears as I prepared for defense. I thought I would end him with my wit instead of my valuable strength, I slipped between his legs and cut right into his balls leaving him a suffering mess falling on his knees, and finally collapsing in the bloody pond forming underneath.

-Not today, bastard.-I stated. While we fought our way a little further with Revna I quickly looked behind my back to see how Eivor was holding up. Then I saw the blood-haired war-chief woman charging on her horse at full speed towards the wolf-kissed, she wanted to end Eivor. Her plan was to cut the head of the snake, I saw her green eyes burning with ambition, fury and wrath, she jumped off of her horse slamming Eivor to the ground. Unfortunately, the charging horse killed several men around Eivor failing to hold the shield wall.

I felt my heart beating in my throat , as both Eivor and that killer bitch disappeared from my sight behind the crowd of clashing soldiers.

-Revna, you have to hold this mess, I will be back!-I gave my clear orders to my right hand , and with that I ran into Eivor’s direction as if there was no tomorrow. Many men tried to stop me on my way, but I cut them all, roaring like a beast, both of my arms were drenched in blood. The inner bear has awoken. I saw Randvi charging on her horse towards the same spot, my worry mirrored in her desperate eyes. She fought like an amazon, a tiger let out of her cage , she was never really tamed behind that map table after all. I must admit she fought fiercely. Her long copper braid was dancing around in circles as she slain anyone who got near her. Unexpectedly, her horse got an arrow in the front leg, causing Randvi to fell foward harshly, she was flying several meters from the saddle. The killer-witch had supporter archers at the top of a nearby rock, they were backing their leader and her evil plans.

I didn't have time to care for Randvi, I slammed into the shield wall to see what was happening with Eivor behind it.

The blood-witch was strangling Eivor with her strong arm, Eivor had deep cuts on her own arms and her side. Fuck.. she really didn't see it coming.. oh that fucking bitch ! Eivor wanted to kick her in the face but her legs were entangled in strong hold by that serpent. She fought differently, wrestled her enemy, held the body in position to slowly end it with deadly cuts. I couldn't let her finish her work..my heart would break in two for an eternity..

I grabbed her hair pulling her upwards, while I watched her cry out from the pain.

-Hey, you blood whore, don't you dare to move or I will cut your pretty head off. Eivor broke free swiftly, but instinctively put her right hand on her ribs. I saw a considerable blood stain growing there, which felt like a punch in my stomach. It seemed I actually got one, as the redhead tried to break away. Just before I could end her, I felt a powerful but blunt hit on my back, an arrow's burning head fought it's way into my flesh. I instantly fell on my knees then I started to crawl on the ground ghasping the dust.

Eivor didn't give a fuck about her serious wound on her side she ran towards that sly whore to avenge this mess. Randvi arrived just in time her huge smash with her shield put the escaping rat onto the ground. The blood-witch was cornered and there was no way out. My sight became blurry and I wanted to vomit from the pain that radiated into my chest and my back.

'Tie this one up quickly, we'll inerrogate her at Ravensthorpe. Randvi instructed two soldiers. -Oh God..Eivor you're bleeding-she mumbled with care as she stepped to the wolf-kissed, her eyes wandered on the huge blood stain. Randvi's bottom lip was craked and bleeding, probably from a huge stroke.

'I am fine Randvi, bring our forces left to safety, we have to retreat, now' Eivor's raspy voice echoed, turning to Randvi. 'I can only thank my life to Soma' Eivor hurried to me while Randvi called a retreat to Ravensthorpe, we could defend the way from the woods but it was clearly a trap. Somebody gave valuable information to the enemy, Birna and Ivarr could attack any moment.Both sides lost countless men, the woods was in flames around us.

'My poor bird..' Eivor whispered calmly, holding me in her arms in a second sitting on her knees on the ground. She turned my body really slowly to spare me from the additional pain, I could have screamed out loud in my despair, but I couldn't show the slightest sign of weakness while she was around me.

'I m have to get this out now' she said apologetically, furrowing her brows.

I couldn't speak as I felt my power leaving me, I was close to fainting, so I just nodded and let myself concentrate on those strong arms being folded around me. This was the closest Eivor ever got to me.. my heart was burning and beating fast both from the trauma I endured and the excitement that was ruling over me inside.

'I will be as quick and gentle as possible'Eivor promised with a light smile.

I held onto her arm and mumbled a few words:'Just do it, please..' I closed my eyes knowing what will come.

Eivor clearly had pratice in this, as she firmly held onto the arrow, turned it slightly in my flesh, then pulled it out with a powerful move.

It felt as if a burning blade was turned inside me ripping out my flesh. The pain was undescribable with words, I cried out, my eyes became blurry with tears.

'Fucking GOD' I shouted.

'The worst is over Soma, I promise. I can thank my life to you, so I am in your debt, I will help you through this and bring you to Valka.' Eivor lifted me up, placed one of my arms around her neck and holding my weight with her arms below my knees. ' 'I got you now -she gently stroked my arm and carried me to her horse, we headed back to Ravensthorpe with our forces left , following Randvi's soldiers.

As we rode along those old oak trees I could feel the sweet scent of Eivor's skin around her collarbone as I laid my head on her broad chest. Small sweatdrops were glistening on her perfect face while her ice-blue eyes stayed focused on the road, I could watch this living statue of perfection all day.

Spring breeze played on my cheeks while I closed my eyes to just feel the bumps and turns of the road.

I couldn't get a peaceful monent as my thoughts caused me an inner turmoil. Where the hell was Revna? Did she join to Randvi and her forces? How am I supposed to fight like this? The hardest part of this battle is still ahead of us..I came here to defend Ravensthorpe, not to behave like a whining child. And who was that blood-haired shieldmaiden?

***

[embalmic]

@executiioner || a meme from here! || accepting!

∗ 15﹕ sender  and  receiver  make  eye  contact  across  a  busy  room .

she's sitting just outside a bar in saint louis. some random stop along the way to nowhere. seems like that's where they're going. some aimless route on the way to three people's destinations that they're somehow tangling up together to make it theirs. laura's minding her own business when she slides off the stone wall and walks back inside.

fists balled up in the pockets of a red, satin coat--she lets chestnut brown strands that've been newly washed at the hotel they've booked for the night together swing to partially block her face from view.

she's pale but not too pale. least the flies haven't come back yet. she's got that going for her. and the asshole isn't complaining about her stinking yet. that's a plus. her nose turns towards herself and she inhales like she'd be able to tell. nothing. ziltch. it'd have to be a damn stetch to trigger her muted senses. so it's either not bad. or not there.

she's hoping it's not there. a cursory look at the people she passes and they pay her no mind. one guy kinda checks her out. he's gross. chest hair rolling out of the top button of a polyester shirt. who wears those anymore? ten out of ten, she bets there's a gold chain in there and he's got a ron jeremy collection back home. an eye roll later, she's gotta bite her tongue stop herself from asking if dead chicks are his thing. fuck with his head? he'd deserve it just for that look that makes her feel like she needs to go back home and shower.

so far? fuck saint louis.

she's trying to pluck the sight of a red headed giant out of the crowd when she locks eyes with someone just about her size. and it's not in the gross way porno guy tried to catch her eye. no. it's in a way that makes her stop and tilt her head. push her brows together and stare back. she damn near feels like there's a silent greeting between the two of them.

and hello. and a what are you? it makes her throat feel tight. laura's not sure if it's good or neutral or..if she should just leave. so she doesn't move. she just sort've blinks. a motion that happens only once. like she's gotta remind herself to do it. a hand comes up. fingers twitch in a small wave. who the hell is she?

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ EL PRESIDENTE ❜

with Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa.

Request: Hey! Do you want to write something about young!Bishop ? 🤔 A story about when he was still in Stockton he fall in love with Riz or Taza sister who live in Santo Padre and he make the trip every weekend with reader sister.So his primo Marcus told him " Instead having like 1/2 of my chapter in Santo Padre every f*cking week, why not just open a chapter in SP" ? 🙈

BY ANON

Warnings: none. A little angst.

Word count: about 1.5k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

Masterlist.

You have an elbow nailed on the marble main bar, with your cheek resting over your palm and your eyes through the big glass in front of you. Anyone who looks at you could think that you're just watching the street and the cars driving by, waiting for another order to serve or for new customers to the cafeteria. But very far from reality, your thoughts are on your boyfriend. That mexican with a messy moustache, dark and deep eyes and always wearing his leather vest. He usually comes every monday, from Stockton, to Santo Padre just to see you for a couple hours. Sometimes, if you're lucky enough, he stays the night. But he didn't this time. It's been four days more without knowing anything about him, and you don't want to ask your old brother because Riz doesn't agree with this relationship. You know what people think about it. Eight hours by road of distance, a biker, a Mayan, a man who is always driving his bike from one side to another of the country, that only visits you one day at week (...). Seems pretty obvious. But they don't know him like you do. He's kind, he's sweet, he's attentive. At least, with you. And that is what marks the difference. But it has been almost two weeks and you're starting to be infected by these opinions, that even if you know that they just want to hurt you, they look real somehow.

Your boss, a nice old woman, places a hand on your back to caress it softly. She knows Bishop. She believes in you two, having a life together, and she knows that you're not okay.

“Do you wanna know what I would do?” Matilda asks. Turning your head towards her, you just nod in silence. “I would drive to Stockton to tell him what I feel”.

Taking off from a pocket of the smock a pack of cigs, she offers you one.

“Take a rest, darling”.

Grabbing it, you nod again somewhat gloomy. Getting out of the bar to cross the kitchen and use the back door to the alley, you sit over a towel of Coca Cola boxes, lighting up the smoke between your lips. And even if you want to contain it, your cry is stronger than you, coming out. The tears falling down and soaking the skirt of your uniform, with your hands supported on your lap, makes you bow forward with your eyes closed. You're so in love with Bishop, just to accept that he's not going to come back. Other times, he has called you. But every time you have contacted the Stockton charter, they have always given you the same answer: “he will call you, chamaca”. And, of course, you're trying to find out what you could have done to make him reject your calls. Why he doesn't want to see you anymore. After all, you deserve an explanation if he's going to break up with you.

Having a deep drag from the cig, you cross a leg over the other, resting your back against the wall. The smoke escapes among your lips like a painful howl, while your chest claims for some air to fill your lungs. Biting your lower lip in a nervous gesture, you start to think about what Matilde said, but maybe that could enrage Bishop.

“I think it's the first time I see you cry, in two years, and I don't fucking like it, querida”.

For an instant, you think that you're delirious after some days without sleeping more than three or four hours, when you turn your face to your left. The mexican steps out from his bike, taking off the leather gloves to keep them in a back pocket of his jeans, looking really distressed walking towards you. And then, your cry gets uncontrollably loud, throwing away the cig to get up, you practically jump into him. He holds you on air, sinking his face into your neck, breathing again.

“I can't see you cry”. He mutters looking for your lips, to kiss then shortly again and again.

“I thought you… didn't wa—want to see me… again”.

“Fuck, I don't want to live without you, preciosa”. He chuckles a little, hugging you as much tight as he can. “Mi amor… You have my heart, you have my all. I would do any shit for you, but leaving you it's not one of them”.

“Where ha—have you been? What have you… been doing?”

“I will show you tonight, okay?”

You just nod.

“Are you… leaving again?”

“Yeah, I have to meet my primo, but I will be back when your turn is done, to pick you up, okay?” He replies with a soft smile appearing on his lips, before giving you a last kiss. “I love you, never doubt about it”.

You know pretty well that clubhouse. Your brother works at Romero and Brothers, and you spend a lot of time there actually. But you don't understand why there are a lot of bikes parked in the front yard, or why Bishop has brought you to. Jumping out of his motorcycle, he places an arm over your shoulder to lead you to the inside. You recognize all the men there. Marcus, Oscar Ramos, Hank Loza, Neron Vargas, Che Romero and your brother. A little confused, you grab a beer that Riz is offering you before entering into the Templo.

“What is this?” You ask, referring to the situation.

“Well, mija, I thought that instead of having half of my charter every fucking week at Santo Padre, open a charter here”. El Padrino and Obispo are the only ones standing up, walking towards the desk to grab an impolut kutte from it.

Then, you notice that the rest are already wearing it, focusing on the patch of ‘El Vicepresidente’ on Taza's, ‘El Pacificador’ on Tranq's and ‘El Secretario’ on your brother's. When Marcus turns around holding the one for ‘El Presidente’, you can't help but raise an eyebrow. And not. You weren't expecting it. But seeing Bishop wearing it gives you a heart attack. Now, you're understanding why he was being so reserved, why he has been so busy. You aren't able to say a single word, hearing the man laughing because they know all that you have been doing for the club since ever. And what you have been doing for Bishop, not only loving him. Taking care of him in his worst, giving him the best tips ever, following him anywhere he's had to go. That doesn't turn you into his Old Lady, but into an important part of the Mayans MC.

“So, what? How do I look, querida?”

“Good”. That's the only thing you can say. The male laughs flood the Templo again, before your boyfriend hugs you. “Shit… I'm gonna kill you, Bish…”

“Enjoy it, primo”.

Marcus palms his back, proffering a gesture to the other men to leave the room and let you some time alone. You don't need to ask, but you already know that the other charters are coming to have a party. As soon as you're out of prying eyes, the man lifts you up behind his arms to sit on his new chair. El Presidente's one.

“I didn't… ask you, but… you want it? I mean… The idea of being ‘really’ together?” He asks then, noticing some hesitate in his voice, feeling insecure for a moment. Until you nod smiling, cleaning some wild tears running your cheeks. “I love you, (Y/N). I can't imagine a single day without you. I have never felt more happy than today. I have never felt so fucking anxious for starting a life ‘really’ together”.

“I told you that I would always be by your side, mi amor”. You say caressing his chest, and your eyes on his main patch. “You can… You know that you can stay at my flat until you find… another thing. Or… you know you can stay with me”.

“I already have a house”. Raising both eyebrows, you can't help but feel a little disappointed with the fact that he's not going to live with you.

Travelling a hand from your back, to a pocket of his jeans, he takes off a keychain to place it between both. Handing it on air.

“What?” You ask don't understanding what it is supposed that you have to do.

“Your keys”.

“For what?”

“To enter in our fucking house, querida? How are you going to do it? Trespassing the reinforced door?” Bishop breaks into laughs, watching you holding it blinking too much. “Did you really think I was just going to move there to be with you, and don't live together…?”

“But… But… my flat…”

“It's small to have like… I don't know, four kids and eighty dogs, don't you think?”

“Shit, I don't want eighty dogs”. You chuckle shaking your head, back to the reality inside the Templo.

“But fo—”.

“Let's start for one, then, we will see it”.

✨ Tag list:

@starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart @mycupoffanfiction @claytoncardenasbabymama @thesandbeneathmytoes @phoenixhalliwell @thewarriorprincessxo @sugary-x-sweet @multiyfandomgirl40 @imanerdychubbyqueen @iambabyharry @firebenderwolf @itsanofrommesir @noz4a2 @peaches007

If you want to be tagged, send me a message!

[moondustaeil]

𝐫𝐞:𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞.

↳ Ambrosia's not-so-happy life update.

trigger warning, this post includes: weight loss, food, calorie counting, disordered eating habits, suicide, insecurities, fears.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏: 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭, 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

As I contemplate whether I should make an earnest post look as aesthetic as possible, my eyes are tearing up to Lee Chansub's "Gone". Therefore, this chapter gets named after his lyrics.

Since when was it? It's a question that crosses my mind after deciding on the chapter name, even though I'm well aware of the number of days that have passed. Each day I write that significant number in my journal, but there must be more than the pen can write. Beyond my awareness: there must have been a certain amount of time spent on a prologue to pen down the event that ultimately led to this chapter.

Since where was it? There could be multiple meanings behind the question, but I can only formulate a limited answer despite the openness. As far as I'm in charge of this story, there is no why or where. Yes, I quite literally woke up one day and decided to go on a diet, simple as that. Before that day, dieting never crossed my mind: I never saw my body as too much or myself as too little compared to others. Can you understand now why I think a prologue was written for me and not by me?

Anyhow, let's have a look at how I think I experienced my life before the diet. Sometimes I think I don't even remember how I experienced the last moments of it, but that doesn't mean I don't know how it went. My life before the diet was pretty plain: I didn't engage in any social or physical activities and spent most of my time behind my laptop to write or lurk around on YouTube. Eating-habit-wise, I never ate much: three meals a day with occasional snacks, those snacks probably covering more calories than my meals did. Despite eating calorie-covering snacks, I would have given my all for fruit and vegetables, especially frozen fruit. Back then, I already had significant eating habits: I'd eat nuts when I was stressed, drink smoothies while studying for exams, eat sour sweets when I was bored. My body before the diet wasn't that noteworthy: I maintained the same weight for around three years and only ditched my tight jeans because covid had me feeling too lazy to wear them. A youth like this might sound boring to you, but I gladly lived my life like this and, I don't regret the way I spent it.

I can still recall up to two days before it began: I can tell the contents of those days like I was the supporting cast instead of the main character, simply because I can't remember the emotions. The two last days were spent behind my laptop, waiting for the exam results while eating spicy nuts (to keep the stress level low). When the exam results came, and I realised I passed them all, I must have felt relieved. But in my memory, I didn't and don't feel anything at all concerning my exams. And that's where it stops. I don't even know where it starts again.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐: 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲

It quite literally feels like I woke up with no memories of the first days of the diet: I can recall what I ate, but not what I did or felt.

On the first day, I drank a strawberry oat smoothie for breakfast. It was my first self-made smoothie which was convincingly delicious compared to the bought smoothies I used to have. That same day, I stopped eating snacks: unknowingly, I restricted them and wouldn't allow them for the months after.

That paragraph is all I remember from the first day, and if I were to write one about every day of that week, it would be less each day. Maybe those days just weren't memory-worthy enough as I don't want to search for a reason behind every single thing.

For approximately twenty-eight days after the first one, I have no recollections. The only way I can reflect on those days is by checking my calorie intake and physical activity. Though, it doesn't feel like I was the one who tracked it.

The first proper recollection I have is of a day I ate 180 calories for the first time: a number I can only wonder about now. Though it was my first time having such a low intake, it wasn't the last or lowest. The number 180 seemed to attract me as in the days that followed, 180 would be the maximum amount of calories I'd consume. Back then, I had no idea what TDEE or BMR (of any of the other terms) were, so I can't tell you what my deficit was. But I would burn around 1200 calories a day by exercising, and that should be enough to raise red flags.

From that point on, even though I was probably slowly killing myself, I felt alive. A growing obsession with food, weight loss and exercise was fueling my mind. While my body was left behind, trying to catch up with the pace. If I didn't lose more than 1 gram overnight, I'd starve myself the next day. If I felt too lazy to exercise, I'd punish myself for being lazy by doing more. My weight dropped a lot, up to the point where the scale sometimes seemed to skip numbers.

Then a parent swap came: I would be staying with my dad for two weeks. In advance, I had already figured out everything I thought I needed to know: how I would skip meals without him finding out, at what times I could exercise without him knowing, where I could throw away the food he thought I would eat. The day I packed my bag and left for his house, my plans turned into action.

The two weeks there went as smooth as I planned them to go. Even with bonuses: he worked up to three days a week and did not question it when I didn't eat. In those two weeks, I would replace kpop videos with programs I used to despise: supersize versus superskinny and mukbangs. The videos would satisfy my hunger in some way, even though they caused me to start nailbiting. I wouldn't eat: I would only watch as others fed themselves.

Since I lost the initial subject I wanted to discuss in this chapter (I'm so sorry), I shall be moving on to the next chapter.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑: 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨? 𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐚𝐭?

It was at this point that people were starting to notice things that I hadn't. Sometimes those things were appearance-related and, other times it was personality-related or even habit-related.

It started with a compliment from my aunt, and I felt like I was glowing when she mentioned my visible jawline and thin face. Maybe I was slightly disappointed that she noticed the facial changes before my body but, at the same time, she noticed a difference!

After her, people started commenting on my body, and I worked more to achieve those comments. I saw them as comments rather than compliments: I didn't tire myself out starting from 5:20 am every day just to receive a meaningless compliment. I wanted people to take notice.

And, they did. People that directly surrounded me were starting to notice things that I failed to see. Mostly stuff that changed about my personality while my body was changing. My mother told me that I became the opposite of easy-going and friendly when others were around. My sister told me that my facial expressions had gone even further than my usual resting bitch face. My nephew said that all I would do was try to end up in arguments with others and that he didn't like being around me anymore. It hurt to have all of those things said, but at the same time, I was too in denial to care. The only thing I cared about was food, exercise and losing weight.

On rare occasions, I became aware of the person I became. Mostly when others would try to reach me by calling or coming over but I was too busy to talk to them, and if I did, I would talk about food-related things only. So, I shut everyone out.

I no longer talked to my friends daily, wouldn't reply to my parents sending me messages, didn't go on social media unless it was to look at food or triggering images.

The world consisted of me and was ruled by my obsession.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒: 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞

There is an unknown amount of time that settles itself between the previous chapter and this chapter. During this time, I once again feel like I'm just a supporting character: my habits develop and my obsession rules over everything I do.

Many of the things I did (which already wasn't a lot, to begin with), were based on stuff I said already. Though even more refined and obsessive.

When I closed my eyes, sleep would take me to dreams about food and weight loss. Approximately three times a night, I would open my eyes, assume it was morning and get ready for another day of exhaustion and starvation. Those nightly hours are still engraved in my mind and current habits: 12:00 am, 3:20 am, 5:28 am.

It is in this chapter that a slow awareness creeps up on me. The side effects are what wakens me when everything else consumes me: constant thoughts about food, the inability to sleep, not being able to think or focus, drifting from reality, always feeling cold, tingling headaches, not leaving the house for days unless it's for shopping (because I would look at food I couldn't eat).

"I need to stop," I told myself while I wrote in my journal how much better I would be if I lost some more weight because the scale is tempting me.

I didn't want to stop. I just wanted it to stop.

Though in reality, I had no control to stop myself or it. I had lost control long ago, and to this day, I still have no idea at which chapter I left it behind. Some days I thought of how to stop, but the exit sign was more like a full-stop as it led me to think of killing myself: it would make my family stop commenting on my condition and could give me a sense of freedom even though I would be dead.

It surely wasn't the first time I passed that exit sign in life, but it was the first time I felt determined to pass it by. All I wanted was to be able to sleep peacefully without thinking of food. *Snort*, such high standards.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓: 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬

Unexpectedly, a good dream did cloud over my bedroom. Even though it was simple, it's one of the dreams that I hope to keep in my memory forever. And for laughs, I'll share it.

TO1-member Donggeon was standing near my garage but, my mother's car wasn't in the driveway because she wasn't home. I was standing outside with him while he talked with Wei's Donghan (who was invisible to me). They were having a casual conversation in Korean. Then, he wanted to lean against the car that wasn't in the driveway, causing him to fall on all fours. He laughed at his stupidity and, at the same time, his ears were getting red from embarrassment.

That pretty much sums up the first not-food-related dream I had during my entire journey. And I still remember waking up at 3:20 am, laughing: it was stupid and silly but left such a big impression on me. And that's when I told myself: "I need to recover".

It sounds silly but I still, to this day, think that this dream set me off into recovery mode. Even though I felt like I had no control, I tried to take control: calculated a number of calories that I surely had to eat each day, planned Thursday to be my active rest-day, found less intense workouts to do in the morning, tried to replace the mukbangs in my watch later list by relaxing videos or recovery videos, scheduled to journal every day. Though I told myself I would do those things, it wasn't easy to put my words into action.

Yet, I fucking did it.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔: 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧

Not going to lie: I spent all night wondering how I was going to write this and all morning putting it into proper words. Hence, the reason why I'm feeling exhausted: too exhausted to continue writing it even though the blooming period is so close. So instead of giving a lecture on recovery: I will try to give my opinion on recovering and how I'm doing these days.

Each day, I still question whether I'm truly in a recovery of something. I never went to see a professional or verbally admitted to my problems, so I never learned whether I'm recovering from something or just making progress after a downfall. I might be familiar with the use of DSM-4 and DSM-5 but, that doesn't mean I'm qualified to judge on whether I had/have a disorder or not. Yet, I opt to use the terms disordered eating and recovery until I'm sure of what it was that I went through.

Some days it feels like I was faking all of it, but then I realise, how was I faking it while I was going through it and experiencing it? Perhaps some of you reading even think I am faking all of the above, but that's your opinion. I don't need to defend myself for feeling things.

Now, I'll update you on where I'm standing today because I guess I wrote six chapters in order to get to this point. We all know I like to write more than necessary.

⋅ My disordered eating habits and calorie intake: I have made quite some progress (even if I say so myself). Each week, I challenge myself to increase my calorie intake by 100 until I reach my maintenance calories. It isn't as easy as it sounds because by the time I actually dared to increase by ten calories, the week is over, and I have to adjust my goal because I wasn't even able to reach close to where I planned to be. This week my goal is to eat 800 calories a day: a number that unexpectedly is paired with a lot of guilt and fear, so I haven't been able to eat that amount yet. The maximum I've eaten is 641 calories a day. Together with that, I also promised myself to eat one fear food or not-eaten food a week: that way, I hope to stop restricting myself and learn to enjoy them again. Some lasting habits I developed: I fear eating too early and will try to push back eating as late as I can because it gives me the feeling that I can enjoy it for longer but I do have strict hours, I cut everything into mini pieces because it gives me the feeling that I have more to nibble on and more to enjoy, I read every single nutrition label multiple times (in the store and at home) because I fear that it might include too many calories or fat, I don't eat anything that I didn't plan and nothing that I can't track calorie-wise, I eat the same thing for breakfast every day because I feel like it's the only food I can trust. The urge to skip meals or lie about them is getting smaller, but the thought always remains in the back of my mind.

⋅ My weight: I'm at a weight that is still considered healthy according to whoever feels qualified to judge. However, I fear gaining weight every single day, which stops me from eating my weekly allowance. Despite eating more than at the start of this: I still lose weight. The weight loss fuels the bad habits once more, but I try to tell myself that my weight is only to indicate whether I'm close to my maintenance calories or not.

⋅ My body: my body kept most of its side effects inside until I started to recover aside from the ones that I've stated before. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't feel cold despite wearing a shirt only, so that was a win for my body. However, I do have constant headaches, get blackouts often and, I easily feel my energy draining whenever I do a little bit too much (which I didn't always feel when I was actively doing it). That being said, my abilities have definitely decreased: you can read what kind of exercise I do in the next paragraph, but it has decreased a lot because I will feel weak sooner than before.

⋅ Exercise: I am between struggling and not struggling with it. The reason why I started to exercise was to burn more calories than I ate. But back then, I had no knowledge of BMR and whatnot. These days I do a lot less impactful exercise than I did before, but I still exercise each day: I do 96 minutes of stationary cycling a day, go on daily walks and have the obsession to take steps whenever I'm standing still. As you might be able to tell, I feel like I'm on the line of having control here.

⋅ My personality/social life/hobbies: even though I was in denial about my changing personality for a long while, I eventually realised that people were right when they said I changed. The realisation came during recovery, mostly because I noticed how I was in a better mood than when I was at my lowest point. My social life is building up slowly and doesn't always include me having to talk about my weight loss or food, though people always mention it so, I do always end up having to talk about it without wanting to. As for hobbies, I found my interest in kpop and writing again but, it's still at a somewhat moderate level. I still find myself lurking at food-related posts or triggering things, but I can control myself better and watch some positive videos instead. Aside from that, I journal every day: I write down what I ate, my physical activity, what I saw as memorable in my day, and more.

𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞

That's pretty much all for the life update. I still left out a lot that I failed to remember while writing or felt too tired to write about, and I bet not a lot of you are interested in any of this anyway. I just felt like I owed everyone an explanation of where I've been and why I haven't been reblogging much or writing.

As I've stated a few times before, I don't know yet when I will get back into writing or posting content. And the past months made me realise that it might be good for myself if I take some time away from Tumblr: I won't be able to look for triggering content, won't be able to trigger anyone else on accident and can focus on working towards my goals.

I hate the word hiatus but I think this means that I will be going on semi-hiatus. On good days, I might still come here to talk to my mutuals or reblog some kpop content that I enjoy. But other times, I probably won't respond or interact much as I'm logged out.

For now, my semi-hiatus will continue until mid to end September. This might be shortened or extended depending on my progress and my personal needs.

Have a lovely day, moonflowers! 💌

[wraithxwitch]

Daenerys took shelter in IT delusion to survive her trauma. She literally had no desire of thought about getting back IT, she couldn't care less in the beginning but after she was sold and raped, I think Daenerys held on to last piece of her life, something Visery planted in her head, to ignore what she was going through. It's an assumption but her relationship with Drogo was literally so weird, I don't even think grrm knew what he was writing with making Daenerys fall in love(?) and desire a throne she never cared about. There's too much to about her whole journey in book one but in the end she's a character written by a weirdo pedo man who fantasies about children getting raped.

i hear you, anon. you make some points, especially the last one. like, everything in any given series is down to the author, and grrm really didn’t need to do half of the horrible shit that he did to characters in order to get them to where they are (e.g. dany, sansa, etc).

my short answer is that: yes, her desire for the IT develops but the seeds are there at the start. yes, she’s traumatised and her way to agency is having power. even after her abusers are dead, and she can effectively do what she wants, she still goes after the irone throne. but she’s not driven by any kind of compassionate desire to help the smallfolk and rule fairly. her motivations are, to put it bluntly, selfish. 

i’m gonna put my longer answer under a read more. (it’s kinda all over the place and i definitely forgot some things but hey ho):

trauma is different for each victim, it affects everyone in an individual way. i don’t think that her trauma is an excuse for her actions later on, i’m not saying this is what you’re saying btw, i’m just saying (cause i know some people do).

with dany, i agree that her desire for the throne developed and wasn’t there from the get go, but that’s just part of her arc. like, yeah sure, right at the start, in like her first few chapters her only real desire she voices (to us) is to go home. she’s still very young and doesn’t remember westeros, so the only home she knows is ‘the house with the red door’. in her words it’s the only childhood she’s ever known. she felt she was safest there. she has absolutely no agency at the start, she’s powerless and at the mercy of viserys (and she starts out scared of him). so it’s understandable that she wants to just go home, but also understandable that she wants power, because having power means having agency and not being at the mercy of anyone else.

she obv isnt introduced with these fantasies of the IT from the get go, bc these things need to develop in stories. i also find much of the first book to be an intro to the world, it puts all the main characters where they need to when shit kicks off. even her monologue is passive to start with, as if her pov is a window to viserys. but like this is like, the start of her villain origin story in a way i guess. *shrug* i think she does from the get go also believe that the IT does belong to the targs and that they were wronged, i just don’t think she immediately believes it’s HERS to take, because she has spent her life being the younger sibling of viserys. but like, i do think that in her chapters the targs are introduced as villains (mostly through the comments of the dothraki characters, e.g. the way they talk about the dragons and the fact that it is CLEAR that nobody back in westeros is waiting for their return).

her relationship with drogo is obv problematic af, i think that maybe grrm wrote it in as a way to start to give her a taste of agency and sense of power .. maybe? like she doesn’t have power in reality with drogo but you can see as her chapters go on that she’s starting to make decisions of her own (to sway drogo, etc) and she starts to talk back to viserys and even states that she doesn’t know why she was ever scared of him (paraphrased ofc). she was also scared of the dothraki at first, it was a fear of the unknown and i think that if she conquers something, it’s hers, so she can’t fear it anymore. also, she figures out if she pleases drogo -> she gets more sway on things. but again, lemme state, that relationship is toxic AF, i’m just trying to see how it fits in with dany’s arc. 

she also takes comfort in being a targ. the same way that arya has her ‘fear cuts deeper than swords’ line, dany has her ‘i am the blood of the dragon’ chant. and the seeds for her campaign for the IT are there in the first book. SHE’s the one who’s gifted dragon eggs for starters, NOT viserys. in a way, i think the point of having it be his dream to start with is to tell us “viserys was too weak, he couldn’t do it, but dany can”. also at the point in which her confidence starts to change, she is also having dragon dreams. and they become pleasant to her, she even thinks they heal her aches and wounds while she’s travelling with the dothraki. she voices to jorah that viserys will never take them home and at around that point her visions of home turn into king’s landing -> of it burning. this is before viserys and drogo die. it’s foreshadowing of her story to come.

she does enjoy having power (and you can’t blame her to an extent, it makes her feel safer). her chapters at the start do show that she is meant to be the one going after the throne, not her brother. how she gets to going on that path (trauma, viserys, etc) is just part of her journey. though i don’t think viserys specifically planted it in her head, given the dream thing and the dragon eggs. she wants a home, she doesn’t want to be at the whim of others. but the thing is that she isn’t driven by her compassion for the small folk even at the start. when she talks about slaves in her first few chapters she only shows discomfort at it when she’s the one in the collar (her wedding) and there’s of course the events with mirri. there’s an interesting contrast between her and sansa, who also wanted to be queen from the start, but she wanted to be the opposite of cersei (and dany) despite her trauma. she wanted to rule through love, not fear. 

even after drogo and viserys are long dead, and she’s free to live her life how she wants (she has dragons and she doesn’t need the IT, lbr), she doesn’t give up on going for the IT. she likes power and she isn’t motivated by her desire to help people, she wants to help herself. i think her trauma is in part an explanation for her actions, but not an excuse. traumatised characters can also be villains. 

i went off on a tangent here, sorry about that. uhh, this is actually really interesting tbh, i might just re-read her chapters in book 1 & 2 to explore this more lol. 

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Maze Trials: A Gally Fanfiction

Pairing: Gally x Emi(OC)

Summary: Emi, first girl the Glade has seen. Tougher than she looks and more than ready to prove it. Since day one her and Gally have been at each other's throats. Fighting constantly and not just with their words.

(Gally fanfiction which will include smut. It also has an actual story line. Think of it as an AU to the original Maze Runner. It'll mostly follow the main story line with some changes. Mostly focusing on Emi and Gally and their relationship.)

Chapter Twenty-Five

I sat outside a few feet from the council hall. I was close enough to hear the boys shouting at certain moments. I was too aggravated and hurt to really care. As I sat there picking at the grass I was startled almost out of my skin when the box's alarm rang out. I jumped to my feet instantly running towards it. I could hear the rest of the gladers running out of the council hall towards the box. We just got a greenie three days ago. The box shouldn't be coming back up yet. A fearful feeling fell on me as I stopped in front of the box. I stared at it as I waited for one of the boys to open it.

Gally and Newt were the first two there. They threw the box open and Newt jumped inside. I could tell from where I stood what was below us. I didn't know if I should feel relieved or terrified.

"Newt, what do you see?" One of the boys asked the blonde.

"It's a girl" Newt said in a mixture of surprise and confusion.

Thomas made his way threw the boys to stand next to me. We were both staring down at the unconscious girl. I knew her. She was the girl I had spoken to in one of my dreams.

"What's in her hand?" Gally asked Newt.

Newt slowly grabbed what looked like a rolled up piece of paper. He unfolded it to see what it was.

"She's the last one ever." Newt read aloud then looked up to us.

The sudden panic took me over. The last one?

"What the hell does that mean?" Newt questioned aloud.

She suddenly took in a deep breath as she woke up. All of us jumped at the sudden action. My heart was thumping wildly against my chest. She seemed to be looking straight at the greenie standing next to me.

"Thomas" she panted before her eyes rolled back and she fell unconscious once more.

We all turned to look at Thomas. He seemed to tense at the sudden eyes on him.

"Still think I'm overreacting?" Gally asks out loud as he crosses his arms over his chest.

I decided to help Clint and Jeff get the girl to their hut. I told them to let me know when she wakes up. I figured it would be better for her to see there is another girl with her instead of being surrounded by boys. I went to find Gally after that. I felt we needed to have a chat. He was outside standing with a few others. His brows furrowed like he was complaining about something which he probably was.

"Gally, we need to talk." I said as soon as I reached him.

"No" He said sternly then tried to turn away from me.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"That wasn't a request Captain." I spat using the nickname the other gladers used for him.

He stared down at me for a moment before grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the other gladers. Once he felt we were far enough away he stopped and let go of my arm.

"What's your problem?" I asked him harshly.

"What's my problem? Are you serious? You of all people know exactly how I felt about Thomas. How much I didn't trust him. You know how much I live by the rules of the Glade because they are rules for a reason! You still decided to go into the maze with them breaking a major rule then tell me you're on Thomas' side. Screw me right? Who cares what Gally thinks right?" He was shouting letting all his anger out.

"You know I don't want to stay here Gally. If Thomas can find a way out I will follow him. Things are changing. We could actually have a chance here. Does that really mean nothing to you?" I asked keeping myself as calm as I could.

"It means nothing to me. The Glade is my home. I thought you were going to share that home with me. Obviously I was wrong. What ever this was is no longer happening. Go ahead and follow Thomas. It's clear you've already made your choice." Gally said as he went to walk past me.

I grabbed his hand trying to keep him close. He pulled his hand away then glanced back at me with a look full of hatred but I could see the tears in his eyes that he was making sure wouldn't spill over.

"Gally please understand" I whispered letting my own tears fall freely.

He just scoffed then walked away. Just like that I lost everything. Gally had been the only thing I had the whole time I was here. I had him to hold onto and keep me sane and now that was over.

The sudden shouts of a terrified girl brought me back to reality as I saw the new girl running away from Clint and Jeff. She saw the other boys surrounding her and screamed again as she elbowed her way threw them. She darted for the look out then climbed up quickly. I saw one of the boys moving to climb up after her. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down.

"No! You'll only make it worse." I told him sternly.

She started throwing things down at the boys below her yelling at them to go away. The gladers ran to get shields to cover their heads.

"Hey! Throw one more of those things and I'm- Ow!" Gally held his hand against his head where she had just hit him.

Thomas and Minho were there a few minutes later. Thomas running under the piece of wood Newt was holding.

"I don't think she likes us very much." Newt joked with a smirk.

"Listen! We just want to talk!" Thomas shouted up at her.

She started to throw more at a lot faster pace.

"Take cover y'all!" Fry pan shouted.

"Hey! Hey! Woah! It's Thomas!" He shouted again.

The items instantly stopped. She slowly peaked her head over the edge of the wood. Thomas waved at her.

"I'm gonna come up okay?" He asked her.

She didn't answer she just moved backwards so we couldn't see her any longer.

"Ok" Thomas whispered as he moved towards the lookout.

Gally moved to follow him but Thomas quickly turned around to face him.

"Alone" he said sternly.

Gally looked at him like he was crazy but didn't try anything else. I stopped Thomas from climbing by blocking his path.

"I'm going up with you. She might feel more comfortable with another girl." I stated simply.

Thomas nodded then I moved to let him climb up first. I followed closely behind him until we were all the way at the top. Thomas opened the hatch then stopped moving.

"Woah, woah, woah. Ok, easy alright?" He said slowly.

He climbed up allowing me to pop up to see the girl holding one of our machetes.

"Where am I? What is this place? Why can't I remember anything?" She asked Thomas.

Before he could answer she had noticed me climbing up and closing the hatch.

"This is all normal. We've all been threw this. Okay? You're name that will come back to you in a few days." Thomas tried to explain.

"Teresa" she said quietly.

"What'd you say?" He asked her.

"My name. Teresa." She repeated.

Thomas and I shared a look. It's weird for someone to remember their name that quickly.

"Teresa, I'm Thomas." He introduced.

Teresa looked to me.

"I'm Emi" I told her.

I slowly leaned forward until I could gently wrap my hand around hers and pull the machete away from her. I sat it down out of the way.

"But you already knew my nae didn't you?" Thomas asked her.

"They said I kept saying your name in my sleep." She stated.

"Who are you?" She asked give him a sideways look.

"I don't know. I can't remember. None of us here can remember anything." He told her.

"We all woke up here just like you." I stated calmly.

Thomas and I spent a few more minutes talking to Teresa to make sure she was calm. Before we went back down to the Glade she pulled two items out of her pocket. She handed them to Thomas.

"These were in my pocket when I woke up." She said quietly.

I looked at one as Thomas looked over the other. The same letters were on this just as they were on our supplies and the metal thing Minho pulled out of the griever.

W.C.K.D.

"W.C.K.D. is good" Thomas mumbled to himself as he looked at the item.

"I heard the same thing. A woman saying W.C.K.D. is good." Teresa said.

I looked the item in my hand over again thinking of the words they both just said. Then I realized it was a syringe. It's medicine.

"Thomas, this is some kind of medicine. Alby." I whispered like it was a secret.

It seemed to snap into place in his head as well. We both hurried down the look out with Teresa right behind us. We ran for the Med-Jack's hut where Alby was. Newt and Gally had seen us running and decided to follow behind us.

There was a small amount of arguing before Thomas could talk Clint into giving it to Alby. We didn't have anything to loose at this point. We all waited hoping for something good to happen. In that time Minho and Thomas decided they needed to look something over before going back into the maze.

I was left in the hut with Clint, Teresa, and Gally. The keeper of the builders seemed to be playing guard like Teresa and I were criminals.

"What's his problem?" She whispered to me.

"It's a long story." I whispered back.

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