#charlie's gf is off being sad and alone

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

[abiiors]

a little review??? of brat?? just my silly lil thoughts really

before we start - i don't listen to hyperpop/dance music that often so this is going to be superrrrr amateur review/thoughts-sharing-thing.

my favs are marked in green

360: honestly such a good fucking opener, def see myself listening to it while i get ready to go out on like a friday evening or something. there's the something about the tune that's sooooo addictive!!

club classics: this one weirdly reminds me of her older songs?? think like boom clap or other songs off of sucker. obviously, i don't mean the entire song here, i just mean parts of it. also "i wanna dance with george"!!! iconic, cunty, a serve.

sympathy is a knife: oh this one felt so raw and real!!! def can see myself listening to it, full volume in a car at like 2 in the morning. once again george reference but booooo don't call her paranoid (/j)

i might say something stupid: yeah charli was right about being honest in this album and writing about her feelings and stuff. this one ends quite abrupt but i quite like that about it?? it feels like one paranoid spiral of "and i don't know if i belong herе anymore" only for it then to be cut off by another like upbeat song (pls understand my vibe, ik all the songs are upbeat that's the point of a hyperpop album) as it's someone drowning out their insecurities behind a "party girl" mask

talk talk: this was nice? don't have much to say about this atm like i liked it but it didn't leave an impression or anything

von dutch: cunty ass anthemmmm!!! i have been fucking obsessed with this one since it came out and it's still just as fucking amazing as it was when i first listened to it. also ik the addison scream isn't a part of this one but it's so iconic

everything is romantic: the romantic little music sequence??? oh so stunning!!!! apart from that, this was like okay?? i didn't hate it but didn't particularly love it either

rewind: oh my fucking god idk what it is about the little tape rewind sounds on this one but they're scratching my brain in the best way possible!!! i might just listen to this for those alone lmao 😭 ooohhhh and the outro on this was really good too!!!

so i: oh this one made me so sad :( SOPHIE's death was probably one of the hardest things in charli's life but this song feels like such a good fucking tribute to her. "would you like this one? (maybe just a little bit?)" referring to this song, oh charli i wish i could give you a hug :( ♡︎

girl, so confusing: "girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl" - no ffr!! this was a nice song too, not one i see myself listening to on repeat but not one i might skip straight away either.

apple: pretty much same thoughts as girl, so confusing. this one has a distinct nostalgic vibe to me like idk how to explain it, it sounds like 2016 to me?? not in like a passé way, def more like a trip down the memory lane.

b2b: okay i have very biased feelings about this solely because of how fucking cuteeeeeee that george and charli photo is like she looks all fierce and cunty and he is just :)) hugging his gf :)). i def prefer the first half of this song to the second but there's like this little alien-sounding "ooOOOOoooOoo" in the background of the second half and idk why i really fuck with that

mean girls: no i love this one so much!!!! she's def talked about this before, about how girls who look like her ("dead eyes") are often considered mean girls. and this one is a whole song dedicated to them which i absolutely love

i think about it all the time: another one i'm quite ambivalent about. it's nice tho.

365: okay i love that 365 is a more hyped, more "party girl" version of 360 actually!!! love both of these songs so much!! the perfect openers and closers i think ♡︎

oh i enjoyed this album so so thoroughly!!!! i'm going to listen to it again tomorrow on my walk and see if any of my opinions have changed, if i have anything new to say etc. and i might update this.

till then thank you for coming to my silly little ted talk. i am no zane lowe but this was fun! 💚

[that-thing-that-feeling]

Few things. Re: Jonathan’s breakdown, I disagree abt it being played for laughs. Emotional breakdowns are only funny when the reason the person is having the breakdown is funny. Compare for example, Charlie Day’s funny “Pepe Silvia” breakdown in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia to Brad Pitt’s serious “What’s in the Box?” breakdown in Se7en. Both played with same level of intensity, but the IASIP breakdown is the funny one bc the subject matter is ridiculous whereas the Se7en one is more dramatic bc it’s the subject matter is sad and horrifying. Not saying that Jonathan’s breakdown will be horrifying, but there’s not a lot of comedic wiggle room when Jonathan’s breakdown is bc he thinks his gf has forgotten abt him, he realizes he’s essentially had to give up his teenage years to become a second parent to his sibling(s), one of whom just got kidnapped assumedly on his watch. Also not dying there won’t be anything comedic abt it, but Charlie’s performance will be rooted in drama. He’s been waiting to do this scene for 5 years, he’s not gonna let it be played off as a joke.

Re: Joyce vs Hopper, I think the biggest reason audiences seem to focus more on Hopper is bc of his relationship to El. Joyce got a lot more attention than him in s1, but it shifted the next season after Hop became El’s parent. El is the main character and biggest fan-favorite of the show, of course the fans will focus on those who she is closest with. And I think there is probably a slight element of unconscious (or maybe conscious as well) sexism and anti-mom bias. Hopper is a bit more free in his storylines bc he’s not rlly tied down, even after he takes in El, they were more like roommates at first anyway. It wasn’t until the end of s2 rlly that he “settled down” with El and let his story be limited that way. Meanwhile Joyce has always been deeply connected to her son’s storylines, it wasn’t until s3 that she got a storyline that wasn’t abt her kids at all. As a result, there’s less they can do with her in that way. I hope that kind of makes sense. It’s obvs unfair, Joyce is just as a compelling character as Hop and hopefully s4 will give her a chance to prove that.

Re: Finn’s comment, I think you guys are taking his words too literally. Finn means that the Hawkins storyline is horror-based (Vecna, possession, murder, etc) while the Cali storyline is comedy-based (road trip, stoner character, bickering, etc). That doesn’t mean Cali won’t have any serious moments, or Hawkins won’t have any funny moments. Just means there are diff bases, just like always. Think back to s3, it rlly had 5 diff storylines at first that could be summarized as: buddy-cop comedy, investigative drama, possession horror, teen romcom, and I guess crime-comedy. But Jopper had some serious moments, Jancy had some funny moments, etc. ST always draws from diff genres but imo they usually do a good job of blending them all together. Cali will def have some really dramatic scenes what with El being kidnapped, Jonathan’s potential breakdown, and Will’s jealousy, but it just means at the end of the day the end goal of this storyline is to make you laugh not make you cry or scream or freak out, even if those things do happen as well.

Re: Jonathan kinda having a breakdown and if it’s played for comedy; I think that’s really on the script and what they’ve given Charlie to do (or not do). We don’t tech even know if it will be played as a breakdown (even tho it feels like it should be one bc Jonathan is due for that and we know Charlie thought Jonathan was due for it and Jonathan smoking weed alone before school def feels like the pressure getting to him and him responding in a v diff way than we’ve seen on the show). I think the point was more will they acknowledge any of the stress and trauma he’s been under to explain how he’s adjusting to Cali or not. There’s so much they could write for him with all of that, but they’d have to want to.

Re: Joyce, true abt El and Hopper, but I think it’s also them caring more about masculinity and the antihero trope than wanting to do nuanced writing with Joyce as they did in s1. A way they could have given her more of her own plotline was to show more of why she wanted to move and the decision process of that back in s3. And then in s4, I hope they show her adjustment to Cali, her new job, how she’s handling the rest of the family’s adjustments before she leaves, who she tells about leaving, and the family dynamics there. They could also show the tension within her of being worried about leaving while needing to leave, for instance. If Lonnie had called or something, that would have kicked up a lot for her as well that could have given more plotline before leaving for Russia. There’s all kinds of character writing they could do with her—maybe flashbacks would have even worked for her after the move, remembering some of her times in Hawkins.

Re: Finn’s comment, yeah def think there will be a blend in all plots and there’s clearly more supernatural horror in Hawkins, it’s just I maybe wouldn’t expect all of the Cali plot to be summarized as comedic, so still curious how much of it is—def could see it in Mike’s interactions with Argyle, bickering, parts of the road trip, ig some Jargyle etc.

[wesevas]

so ngl I went a little ham on her intro so if you tough it out and read the whole way through??? amazing. legendary. iconic. but im hype for this so slap that like and we can get to plotting! also I think we can all agree that discord is far superior or messaging so hmu ( vee#9986 ) ! 

( mishti rahman, 21, cis female, she/her ) did you just see EVA ROMANOV on the quad ?? aren’t they an ARCHITECTURE major or something ?? i swear the JUNIOR hates me because they ignored me in the dining hall. if i had to describe them i’d say something like: a mess of clothes covering a white arm chair, a fresh bouquet wrapped in newspaper, soft smiles & layered gold jewelry.

lbr her pinterest will describe her better then i ever will so why not save some time and check out her vibe

thems the facts

the youngest of four children with three older brothers.

her parents met in russia. her mom was an american student studying abroad on an exchange program and met her dad at uni and they fell hard and fast. after graduation he basically followed her back to the states

while her dad was on track to become a professor in the russia, school was much more expensive and competitive in america and his english was pretty much non existent. he took a job working construction to hopefully save enough to finish his education but as the kids started coming around it became more of a pipe dream then a reality for him

mom got a job as a language teacher

all the kids speak russian bc both parents speak it and it’s just easier for their dad bc it’s his native language

two of her brothers work in the trades. hvac and a mechanic. the youngest brother, aleksandr and the closest to eva played soccer all the way through college but it wasn’t enough to land him a professional contract so he’s teaching

eva is studying architecture and girl is not only passionate but damn good at it

she spent years dancing growing up and was actually pretty good at it but her passion lies with design and architecture 

personality and bits

she’s basically a combination of soft girl and feisty. she’s vivacious and full of life but she has no problem standing up for herself (3 brothers ppl) or telling someone theyre being a dick. 

can be ruled by her emotions lol if she’s angry you’ll know it. if she’s sad, or happy or in love.. it’s all over her face ok i have a lot of feelings about this

makes her bed every morning but leaves a pile of clothes on the plush arm chair in the corner lol

cries when she’s frustrated. which makes her more frustrated

a romantic. probably falls in love a few times a day tbh lol she just wants to be loved and cared for ok leave her alone

loves being outside. going for walks threw the park or throwing a ball with her dog or just having her morning coffee outside is just.. chefs kiss

def the type to make extra food for her friends. like she’ll bake something sweet and drop it off at their doors.

the type who likes to visit the farmers market and buy up all kinds of fresh fruits and veggies

the type to share food at a restaurant. like she’ll probably steal from your plate but give you something from hers in return

always tries to have fresh flowers on her counter. some come from her performances and others are just ones she picked up from a street vendor when she was out on a walk

has an adorable cavapoo puppy named charlie. he’s so freaking cute ok he’s just so happy and excited his tail is always waging and he’s always trying to cuddle and lick people ok he just thinks everyone is his friend    

lives off campus in one of the apartments 

works at the flower shop so if you need a bouquet?? she’s your girl!

wanted connections:

girls!! give her girls to rally behind and to support and girls to do the same for her. emergency ice cream sessions after bad days and trading clothes and makeup and offering up (sometimes terrible lol) dating advice

skinny love. trading smiles and stealing glances when the other isn’t looking. real cute shit

right person wrong time. gimme the pain.

crush. someone she’s just got a silly crush on lol it doesn’t have to turn into anything but just someone she’s enamoured with lol also someone who’s crushing on her too

ex’s. the most angst the better tbh. also!! maybe someone she dated who she had it bad for but after getting together the fantasy just falls apart bc they aren’t who you thought they were kinda deal?

rivals. not everyone is gonna vibe with you so for whatever reason these two just don’t get along. maybe they do stupid little things that they know will piss the other one off like playing their music too loud or sending each other gag gifts just to see their reaction lol

enemies. someone who really gets under her skin. someone who’s arrogant or cold or mean or whatever really and she’s having none of it

unlikely pairing. whether it’s a friendship or something more (!!!!!!) but from the outside it just seems like they don’t match. they seem to be complete opposites but that’s exactly why it works. i’m not saying i’d sell my soul for this but..

neighbours/roomies. she's in the off campus apartment buildings so maybe they live next to each other or on top of each other or whatever. do they get along? do they ignore the shit out of one another? do they leave their doors open and come and go as they please?

a frequent customer at the flower shop?? like someone who always comes and orders flowers for their mom or gf or friend of even just sends them as pranks and she helps them pick out flowers that mean silly things?? PLS

brotps/ride or die

tinder matches/hook ups. girl’s gotta get fed right?

situationship!!

hateship!!

i’m working on a wc tag bc it’s always for fun that way

[crepuscular-gloom]

Poptropica Island Ratings

okay I saw a post on here a while ago and someone rated the Poptropica islands. I remember agreeing with a lot of them, but they only went so far so a lot of the newer islands were missed out. I came across it again recently and got hit by a wave of nostalgia so I’m gonna do my own now. Unoriginal content very good. i’ll put a keep reading link to stop it from taking up too much space

Early Poptropica - mega nostalgia but kinda boring. I like the original Poptropicans being pixely and there is a goth gf in the sewers however the giant green spider scared the shit out of me as a kid and the idea of an aircraft graveyard made me sad so 6/10

Shark Tooth Island - also nostalgic but I didn’t complete it for a long time for some reason.. very short. it has a story but its there is nasty shark and people stuck on an island so make a calming potion. the medicine man looks like he is from viva pinata so 6/10

Time Tangled Island - VERY GOOD AND FUN AND HISTORICAL FUCK THAT AZTEC THO DICKHEAD. quite lengthy for an island but this is good because that means more time periods to explore. it’s also educational but i just care about restoring time. very legendary the iconic just jumped out - 10/10

24 Carrot Island - stupid pun point taken off. introduces Dr Hare and people are THIRSTY. you can dye your hair with milkshakes. i thought it was creepy as a kid honestly. i think its mind control or something. but i like it, it still has nostalgia value 8/10

Super Power Island - very legend like. i loooove the antagonists, especially copy cat but i think i had to look up a guide to beat her because i was dumb af. you need a licence to be a superhero but you are a superhero!!! very fun i like this one a lot 10/10

Spy Island - i remember sucking at this one as well as a kid.  i think it fucks with peoples hair and i only remember because my character looks fresh 100% of the time and this island fucked it up i think. i don't really remember it tho. 5/10

Nabooti Island - it’s based on a Choose Your Own Adventure book so good premise. go around the world is also good. you have to get jewels i think. ngl i didn’t finish this one because i sucked at it so i’m just going off the wiki and how far i got into it. fuck the animal puzzle 7/10

Big Nate Island - who the fuck is Big Nate. i only remember the school climbing frame and a stink bomb. fuck you big nate we don’t have your comics in England 1/10

Astro-Knights Island - medieval knights.... IN SPACE?!?! COUNT ME IN. crazy jester bard guy antagonist. people are thirsty for him too. i’m pretty sure you end up in another dimension or something. cyborgs and shit 9/10

Counterfeit Island - bruh i loved this island. pretty sure antagonist is also making people thirsty. you have to go back to Early Poptropica Island to complete it, very cool. investigating crime is cool idea it’s l.a. noire in poptropica. the wiki says there is a glitch called anti-social clown and i have to say relatable 9/10

Reality TV Island - i think i completed this like twice and i remember jackshit. you get to see past characters tho so very good. it’s just doing challenges. 4/10

Mythology Island - VERY GOOD. LEARN ABOUT MYTHOLOGY. you can fight hydra and other creatures, you meet Zeus you meet Hades, Aphrodite is a bitch. 9/10

Skullduggery Island - pirates are always good no matter what. apparently it is one of the hardest islands which explains why i never completed it but you fight other pirates and sea monsters for doubloons or some shit sounds cool to me 8/10

Steamworks Island - steampunk is good. i remember completing this and thinking it was interesting and weird to look at. i think the atmosphere is was lonely tho. there’s a boss battle against a plant i think. otherwise i don’t fuckin remember 7/10

Great Pumpkin Island - it’s Peanuts so it’s nice. very nice and simple. it’s just about the great pumpkin except you’re there. 6/10

Cryptids Island - GOD TIER. CRYPTIDS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. some of it is scary tho. the jersey devil just fucking staring at you from the window was a shit the bed moment for a kids game. also before the islands got rebooted, it was one of the only islands to have sound effects, i.e. when the chupacabra bursts out the box. honestly because of the balls on this kids game to scare children and also being good island 10/10

Wild West Island - the only thing better than pirates is cowboys. i don’t really remember it but you do go against an outlaw gang. i like cowboys 10/10

Wimpy Wonderland Island - Jeff I know you made doawk and poptropica but did you have to show it. ngl i liked it because i like doawk. but it’s kinda... creatively bankrupt i guess. 3/10 2 points because Rodrick is there

Red Dragon Island - i think more time travel but just to old Japan. you have to save a girl. that’s all i remember. also i think there is a nasty samurai guy. but also evil dragon. i can’t remember because for the longest time this was a premium account only island so i never got to finish it for the longest time. that was a dick move 7/10 for that alone.

Shrink Ray Island - cool premise but this island expects me to learn morse code 3/10

Mystery Train Island - detectives? on a train? very nice. basically murder on the orient express except no murder and thomas edison is there and also various other 1700/1800 nerds

Game Show Island - basically Reality TV except it’s to save the world from robots. 5/10

Ghost Story Island - wow iconic. this is the only island with voice acting and it’s to fucking jumpscare you i shat myself.  ghost hunting, very cool 10/10

S.O.S Island - it’s basically Titanic mixed with Moby Dick. it’s ok 6/10

Vampire’s Curse Island - i reaaaally like this one. i like vampires. it has a vampire daddy in it so. he kidnaps a teenage girl tho because he thinks its the love of his life who is dead. kinda weird. he does stop being insane at the end tho and says sorry and dies. the girls bf is a dickhead tho. 9/10

Twisted Thicket Island - i think you’re saving a forest from becoming housing. i really like it because it introduces various folkloric creatures like the nokken. i only remember the nokken because i went on akinator to see if he knew what it was and i don’t think he did so i added it and it’s photo to his database. or maybe it was just his photo but i remember uploading something to akinator. 8/10

Poptropolis Games Island - i don’t think i liked this one 3/10

Wimpy Boardwalk Island - Jeff. 2/10 1 point added because Rodrick is also there

Lunar Colony Island - space is good. do i remember this island tho? no. i think theres aliens tho. 5/10 because i like space and aliens.

Super Villain Island - it brings back the most memorable villains like binary bard and black widow. you find out why they are evil. pretty chill 8/10

Charlie and The Chocolate Factory Island - what do you expect 5/10

Zomberry Island - the last of us except i think people are just eating nasty berries really. i like it it’s spooky 7/10

Night Watch Island - Paul Blart Mall Cop 6/10

Back Lot Island - you make a film. i can’t remeber it like at all. 6/10 because it sounds ok

Poptropolis Games Island Part 2 - fuck off 2/10

Virus Hunter Island - i don’t think i completed this one either. however it is one of those inside the human body things which is always cool if cliche. 8/10

Mocktropica Island - very satirical what if about if poptropica was run by assholes. ironic since a bunch of islands were made premium only for a while. pretty sure the bonus missions still are too which is why i’m not mentioning them. funny tho 7/10

Monster Carnival Island - spooky yes. people thirst over the ringmaster raven guy too. theres a spooky clown on the ferris wheel. i don’t remember much other than i liked it because it was about monsters in a theme park. 9/10 i remember it was surprisingly short tho

Survival Island - castaway except it’s you. i don’t remember it either lmao. i got out of touch with old poptropica real bad by this time so my next ratings might be unfair sorry. pretty sure it also becomes the most dangerous game tho and some guy wants to actually fucking kill you. ballsy. 7/10 because it sounds ok i should maybe play it.

Mission Atlantis Island - i like atlantis but i didn’t play this one either. you see deepsea creatures which are spooky so extra points 8/10

PoptropiCon Island - poptropica’s answer to comicon. now i did play this one for some reason but i don’t remember it too well either. i was 14 when it came out so. sounds like yu-gi-oh so good. 7/10

Arabian Nights Island - didn’t play it i think it’s just telling the story. it’s a cool story so 7/10

Galactic Hotdogs Island - what the fuck 1/10

Mystery of The Map Island - vikings are cool. island seems very short tho. 5/10

Timmy Failure Island - who the fuck. this would be more impactful if i read these fucking things but i don’t. who the fuck are you timmy. i guess it’s called failure for a reason. (that was mean sorry) 1/10

Escape from Pelican Rock Island - prison break, nice idea. you have like a twin in this one. seems a bit repetitive sometimes tho. theres like 7 days of doing similar things. 6/10

Monkey Wrench Island - it was created to be the new tutorial, i.e. an actual tutorial rather than Early Poptropica. very fast and boring, especially if you already know everything. 2/10

Crisis Caverns Island - i know nothing about this. even the wiki is incomplete. maybe that means its shit then. 1/10 the wiki doesn’t even care too much about this one.

Greek Sea Odyssey - more ancient greece is always good. you get to beat the shit out of zeus this time 8/10

Snagglemast Island - all you do is collect coins. another tutorial one. 1/10.

bonus: home island. legit just a hub. points added because you can do a lot of customisation here and pick up a pet that doesn’t cost credits. 4/10

DOUBLE BONUS: the little haunted house mini thing. very good because spooky costumes, spooky house fun little monster party. 10/10

[tinkdw]

14x06: Toxic Love v Healthy Love

14x06 watching notes.

This episode we see our Cas stand-in (Jack) team up with Dean and ask him to explain what love is, with Dean explaining that he very much does know the difference between healthy romantic love and toxic romantic love (exposed this episode with the zombie boyfriend “don’t leave me, it’s better you be dead and stuck with me than leave to live your life” storyline which I’m sure has no correlation to Dean and Cas coming up where they may be separated but let each other go, I’m side eyeing you 14x08). With Yockey emphasising that the lesson he himself exposed last season of sibling toxic love (the witch sisters) has also been learned as Dean and Sam exhibit perfectly healthy, open, communicative sibling love. 

And I mean...  mirrors...if we get any more mirrors Dabb’s going to have to open up a funhouse on set.

- So the episode opens with a Cas visual reminder with Harper wearing a beige coat before she changes after that job of “remember Cas in this episode” is done into her *warning sign* red clothing. Beige trenchcoats in Vancouver are clearly in limited supply after SPN has decided to dress everyone in one for the Cas effect. Get yours now.

- “Mary and Bobby’s" well, that didn’t take long to be an established thing.

- To Jack nothing tastes right without his powers whereas to Cas nothing tastes right with his powers >....>

My theory as a firm endgame human!cas meta writer with the later addition that Jack is a mirror exposition of each of TFW’s arcs that Jack gets his power back because he wants and chooses it as a part of his identity and Cas decides to be human in opposition because of his own choices and identity feels like it’s being fed here. Excellent.

- Sam smiling at the fidget spinner gives me feels of a positive goof nature

- Jack feels guilty for not killing Michael while Dean feels guilty for enabling Michael and I have feels about them understanding each others’ guilt and not pushing each other to get over it but just being supportive.

- Sam and Dean COMMUNICATING! MARK THE CALENDAR! Dean knows Sam won’t be particularly happy about him taking Jack hunting but he doesn’t hide it, he calls Sam and lets him know. Sam in turn doesn’t forbid it but shows he is not happy with it. COMMUNICATION. Taking into account each others’ judgement but not stifling each other. I’m living. This is what I was saying about the toxic sibling relationship v healthy sibling relationship in my opener. Steve clearly has big feels about this just as we do and wow he’s done an amazing job at firstly highlighting it with mirrors and metaphors then slamming it home with text... side eyes all the current metaphors and mirrors being highlighted for *other themes*.

More under the cut...

- Lol @ the barn behind Dean in the diner while Jack fills in the Cas visual gap.

- Wait did they even explain where was Cas is?! Nope. Yockey didn’t even bother cos he knows how stupid anything will sound lmao. *Cas is *throws dart** is about right here lbr.

- Chuck Berry as Dean and Jack’s pseudos. I love it.

- DEAN TURNING THE COCK AWAY WHILE TALKING ABOUT SEX I CANNOT. WHERE ARE THE GIFSETS?! I NEED GIFSETS! I WILL REBLOG ALL THE GIFSETS! it literally goes from talking about courting, dating and specifically sex and dean gets awkward and turns away the cock. I MEAN. This ain’t even SUBTLE.

- Are we supposed to see the two women they interview as a couple, I’m not sure. 

- Charlie’s story is A. sad AF B. Political AF. C. Super thematic to the show. She worked at Richard Enterprises as a nice callback to show Yockey knows his canon on OG Charlie, then her story is full of fanfic tropes an ultimately death. Now, I hate kill your gays as much as anyone but I don’t think this is what Steve’s doing here, he literally can’t have her gf alive here. Now could Charlie go off to find her in this world? That would be brilliant.

- Did dean just call sam Thelma lol

- So Jack says he has no understanding of romance despite seeing Dean and Cas doing “googly eyes” each other to death and saying he knows this means someone loves you. 

x

So Jack is the one who doesn’t know as the Destiel romance GA stand in where they figure it out but so does he so they don’t feel stupid as there’s someone on screen who’s like oooooooh I see now! So Sam can have the role of “I knew all along I just didn’t want to force you out of your comfort zone or get involved in things that don’t concern me” just as he did with Mary/Bobby last episode and which explains all his “strictly into Dick” “maybe you’re overcompensating” “because it’s Cas” lines from previously. Brilliant. Please continue.

- “Old man” good cop bad cop with sass. Jack, I love you.

- Jack doing all the OG Hunter tricks I love it. Again Yockey telling us he knows canon and knows what he’s fucking doing. Good lad.

- Sam: “people need people, we’re social animals”. Yockey and Dabb laying down what BS it is that Sam and Dean want to be alone just the two of them nearly every episode now is just the best. Sam wants people around him, now imo he’s not necessarily telling Charlie she should stay a hunter, just that it would be a real shame for her to ostracise herself on top of a mountain with wifi all alone. He gets that, he gets the escapism after all the trauma but he wants to help her and thinks she would be better off surrounded by others, my family and friends and he’s offering this to her and well, he knows this is what helps from his own experience. He’s living this change and seeing the benefits for himself. Just. So much yes.

- I also love that Charlie’s personality is part similar to ours but also part totally different because she’s not the same. Good, thank you Yockey. She’s not a replacement for our Charlie. No matter how hard Bucklemming may try and think they “fixed” her original death. She ain’t our Charlie and they haven’t fixed it. We are grateful to have some semblance of her but you are not forgiven for your complete lack of credibility, writing skills and total problematic behaviour regarding both her and all the other things you’ve done just by giving us an AU version of Charlie. 

- So Harper is evil, quelle surprise. She exposes a codependent and unhealthily toxic relationship where she preferred to kill her boyfriend and tie him to her, having him literally kill and eat others rather than just let him go and live his life. So, I will write a separate post about this because I think it is the theme of the episode but this heavily reminds me of Yockey’s witch sisters being a dark Sam and Dean mirror of toxic sibling love last seasons, emphasising their choice to be toxic or healthy, with them now exhibiting all the healthy and rejecting the toxic behaviours. 

So who is Harper and her boyfriend a dark romantic love mirror of now then with them potentially soon to choose a healthy route instead in direct opposition and one of them letting the other go, hmmmm I wonder...

x  Just getting this gif out again cos well I’m sorry but Cas wasn’t even in this episode or last or last last yet he’s all over them with not just human!Cas stuff here but also all the Destiel like wow... it’s impressive tbh.

- Meanwhile Dean is dishing out healthy relationship advice. Again this feels relevant to Cas’ recent admittal to Nick that he had to “eat” someone to live in a way ie possess Jimmy for his body. This feels even more like a metaphor for his giving up his grace and exposing Cas again as not this but having his own body now created by Chuck just as everyone else does. Just in case people want to continue to use this argument against him and Destiel with the necrophilia rubbish which is already totally disproved but again rears its head in a “clearly this is not the same as that” way with actual dark mirror necrophiliac toxic love going on.

- Okay so we have more blatant overt textualised metaphors with the word “metaphor” in the text with Charlie v the big fly. They really are hammering home the concept of “pay attention to metaphors and mirrors people” this season. Wowzers.

- Next week’s promo also gives us another mirror with Jack driving the impala and telling Dean “it’s like I’m you!” “no it isn’t”. Honestly, is this a memo that they have to do this every episode because I approve. Knock that memo home.

- I would also like to point out as @margarittet reminded me, the queer story in this episode (Charlie x her girlfriend) is beautiful and positive though tragic due to outside circumstances and the heterosexual story is toxic and gross with codependency, necrophilia and murder by Harper’s own choice. This isn’t to say it’s anti hetero it’s just making a point that it doesn’t matter who you love it’s what you do with it and who you are that counts.

And isn’t that a beautiful way to end this.

[ramblingshit]

Fright Night - 1985 - 3.5/5

Highly oversimplified fun ‘modern’ teen adventure book-style take on Dracula - i think?

i am having a fuckking awful night please let this be half okay at least funny like please. right we have some poor audio. tom holland is here? some chick is going on about how much she likes the dark - she’s mina? pale, red lips peeps are making out - it’s just someone squeaking their lips together and then letting go lmao wtf - it’s a tv show about vampires lol this acting is amazing i think its supposed to be he literally just went after her with the blunt end of the stake damn. some more squeaking kisses gross. kids making out, peter vincent is on TV or some shit. boyfriend has wandering hands and she’s told him twice to stop and now he’s bitching at her for not letting him feel her up and then she apologises? excuse me? and now he’s guilted her into doing it? oh damn that’s a nice chocolate coffin where’d he get those binoculars ahaha oh yikes that girl is not ready and now he’s ignoring her oh what is happening. mum’s getting involved. he wanted to fuck she didn’t then she wanted to fuck and he was distracted by some guys carrying a coffin into the basement of the house next door. he’s so distracted he’s completely ignoring his girlfriend.oh damn he pissed off his friend too this guy seems like a dumbass. ew gross oh my god she’s dressed like a prostitute what is that blue thing and the opaque beige hosiery is horrific. it’s funny at this point lots of these clothes are coming back into fashion. then there are those of course that must die and stay dead. damn a big ol scream from the house next door and a light went out. fuckin hell he wait she’s apologising for his  dumbass and said it’s her fault and he’s like yeah i suppose it was like what. i know this is supposed to be like this like he’s clearly supposed to be a terrible boyfriend but fuck he is barely pretending to care about her - he said ‘i love you’ and she’s gooing all over him. now he’s ignoring her again and here’s his weird looking friend who thinks its hilarious oh my god she slapped a hamburger cheese onion and tomato hamburger patty on his face disgusting but damn he deserves it. whoop a guy in the basement just saw this kid snooping - is he seriously just gonna open this guy’s basement doors unsurprisingly dude came and snapped at him like wtf you think you’re doing. he’s obsessed with this house all of the sudden? eating chips at his window with his binoculars. now asleep in that chair and hot damn there’s a couple about to fuck  and tittiiiiiieesssssss. oh damn mate is a vampire looking straight at the kid through the window. just staring. then closes the window with long ass fingers with long yellow nails. just woke his mum up like ma new guys a vampire and she’s like fuck off and he’s sneaking about outside what the hell is this kid on. oh they’re carrying out bodies in garbage bags and what i think they’re trying to show they’ve got sick powers or something there’s this synth beat in the background those are the largest collar flap things i’ve ever seen and that red scarf is sick a lot is happening bro red scarf dude just caught annoying kid charlie spying at them from the hedges. oh shit he’s screaming at his mother and his girlfriend what an ass - Amy is obsessed with their relationship, Mum thinks he’s having a nightmare. he’s the dumbass in the horror movie - running around screaming, telling everyone the guys a vampire killing people getting the police involved like dumbass what teh fuck this is gonna be embarrassing you think if they really are vampires they’re gonna be dumb enough to let themselves get caught. oh what he’s yelling again and interesting there’s a painting of a blonde version of Amy. is this dracula 1980s version. the house is all cobwebs and old timey shit. dumbass getting screamed at by the cop for screaming about his neighbour being a vampire he’s got no evidence but just keeps screaming. you deserve to die like 0% self-preservation skills m8. is he racing home no to his friend’s house his weird friend who’s somewhat more mental than this dumbass - give him eight bucks to tell him how to protect himself from a vampire attack he’s listing off stereotypical shit but i doubt any of this will be legit they all like dangling those and scoffing at them. he’s nailing his window shut but hey guess who mum’s invited innnnnnnnnn ahahahahahahah lol oh damn who sits in a chair like that well hello bruce banner hot edition. hm his fingers look normal now. aahahhaha oh fuck he out here telling charlie he wouldnt have come to visit unless he had been invited and now that he had been he would be over whenever he liked. charlie the dumbass is not trying to hide how terrified he is out here backing away, eyes wide, shaking, Jerry the vampire just staring at him. 'see ya! soon.’ scrambling up the stairs - like just mayyyyybe you shouldn’t have immediately done all you can to piss off the guy you think is a vampire. cause now he’s on your roof. i can’t believe his name is Jerry. this is so 80s. this music man. who chills in a button up shirt all tucked in . is that a mouse? or the trees scratching oh shit jerry’s after the mum. or not. oh fuck there’s no reflection in the mirror and he just broke her door? oooop he’s in dumbass’ roommmm or is he - yep he was hiding in the closet???? is this a metaphor??? howdily hoodily. oh damn yeeted him into his closet. they’re not giving bruce banner very good camera angles. we’re only 30 minutes in and he and the vampire are chilling out, being held up by his throat - ohh broody vampire time. bruce no don’t throw him out the window that’s so obviousoh but damn there’s he’s gonna stake him with a pencil ahaha what oh fuck nosferatu time damn all because of a pencil fuck that is not sexy. he looks like a lord of the rings troll. they both look hella nervous that mum’s knocking on the door. he threatened to kill him, offered him a choice for them to forget each other, he said nah, he tried to kill him, he stabbed him with a pencil, then he roared all scary and buggered off. odd. now he’s just sat down and watched some–dracula ahaha he’s watching dracula? now he’s calling him up ahaha staring at him through the window calling him up on the phone. 'you started this - im gonna finish it!’ like calm down vampire man the boy is a dumbass. this is cheesy but like okay. he legit seems like a proper dumbass teenager kid all overexcited and dramatic and learning all he knows from TV oh damn he’s like a school shooter, wife beater kinda kid though. ahah shitting on friday the 13th calm down that’s a good movie. does this peter vincent actually believe in vampires cause this kid is hoping he does - he’s got those brown elbowed jacket how old is this high school aged kid. ejesus what the fuck is that moped holy shit. white sneakers that blue knitwear holy shit what the fuck what the fuck charlie dead eyes, monotone sitting in his bedroom he’s filled with religious paraphernalia, dozens of candles and stacks of wood he’s carving into stakes - his GF and friend come in like yo wtf m8 what is all this - he just shrugs and tells em he’s gonna go next door and stab the neighbour. um what the fuck jesus hes crazy he’s weird friend who can’t act thinks so too and eyy the peter vincent late night show is called 'Fright Night’ and the weird kid just said their situation is just like 'Fright Night’ and guess what this movie is called – this is pretty intense like how am I supposed to be taking this is it funny, is it dramatic? this kid looks like he’s gonna pass out he’s having some sort of episode. 'hey amy, you don’t believe me do you.’ 'i love you charlie.’ hm vincent knows whats up amy and weird kid go to see him to help their crazy friend and he’s like oh yeah that insane kid he needs a psychiatrist yo ahaha gets fired gets an eviction notice refuses to help the kids cause he’s very busy about to get rich she’s like i’ll pay you - how much he asks immediately - she tells him—i’ll take it, no hesitation ahaha we’re not even half in? oh damn vincent is in love with his acting i think his shows used to be a lot more popular and now he’s sad and fading and ey its bruce banner all bedraggled they literally called him up to ask if they could go over with dumbass and prove to him brucey boy is not a vampire he thinks its hilarious like damn just calling up vampires and shit i love it so casual like he’s just a neighbour not all heavy handed but needs a little less cheese but eh who can find a golden middle did he just eat a banana. holy hot damn her outfit - he’s outfit, holy shit vincent is here all in his role dressed as the vampire killer, performing for dumbass - damn the house does look appropriately spooky tho god this kid doesn’t shut up they all just wandering into the vampire’s house - Charlie gets a special greeting and here is ol mate all dramatic in a fucking turtleneck please kill me. he’s eating food again? whoop amy and bruce banner just had a moment she’s so pretty but her hair is so fukn eighties and now he’s kissing her hand and she’s giggling and biting her lip 'oh god, he’s neat!’ he didn’t drink that he totally used a tricky magic trick dunno how but he didn’t drink that. Charlie isn’t wrong - pulled out a cross and Bruce Banner jumped back and his jim carrey lackey stepped forward and Banner is threatening his friends like fuck off - 'so you’re finally convinced im not a vampire?’ *completely insincerely, through his teeth* 'yes.’ oh damn all was well then vincent saw he had no reflection - let’s call the police! broody vampire time oh damn found some glass from the mirror. lol that’s the creepiest alley 'pencil dick’ 'chicken shit’ nice. ahaha weird kid giving him shit 'fruitcake’ i hope he leaves him alone like surely its in his best interest to leave the guys who are convinced he’s not a vampire to live? the way he’s dragging amy around is pretty messed. it doesn’t make sense for the weird kid to die. like he doesn’t believe mate is a vampire. but now he will so? that trenchcoat is horrific the shoulders are like double his width he’s just slow walking toward him while weird kid is scrambling about tripping over rubbish but now he’s trappeeddddd #leaveweirdkidalone  oh damn nvm he’s bruce banner’s redfield and he’s going under the trenchcoat, pressed to banner’s chest. we’re only halfway through where is this all going. oh ahaha they’re doing the lets run as fast as we can and ol mate keeps strolling out in front of us and now they’re in a bar oh god now he’s calling the police. whoop oh damn weird kid’s a vampire ahahahahahahaha oh shit leather jacket fucked up hair jerky movements - oh damn just took a cross to the face - can still cry human tears sweating like crazy, yellow eyes, crosses fuck em up and out the window he go ahaha lol he’s calling the cops a fucking gain god he’s so rough with her now bruce banner s in the club god he’s really not that attractive like at all - he’s got a good brow and hair but that’s it. he’s not intimidating, he doesn’t stand out holy fuck that lady in red - the platinum blonde. just strolling closer and closer, left to right right to left and dumbass is just on the phone and Amy is like hell yeah licking her lips his lower jaw is like broken the way it moves. He didn’t have to touch her for her to stop she’s in a daze under his spell and he knows she can’t escape it, rubbing her hand on his ass lol what the fuck putting his on her’s oh he pulled back her collar and went to bite and she jerked back but not in a scared more like a fuck off now what you thinkin boii challenge eyes uh oh both of their collarbones are exposed and my god she’s tiny and making out with his chest and what the fuck oh just on her knees thought she was going down on him in the middle of the club dumbass is all upset that the girl he’s been dragging around and leading on and treating badly is chilling in the arms of a vampire who, if nothing else, is indeed more handsome than dumbass but at the same time he’s a vampire and I think Amy is in highschool so that makes her what?? oh fuck bruce banner killed the two black bouncers in front of the whole club now there’s chaooooos people screaming  amy and charlie separated in the crowd, bruce banner scoops her up 'AAAAMYYYY’ stretches a hand out dramatically toward her damn weird kid got weirder ahaha what is happening this is actually really great. god he’s whiny. it’s so good. people are fucking calling the police left right and now dumbass has finally figured they won’t believe him or help him. oh lil mate peter vincent is like a proper good actor where did they get him amongst these screaming children. 'amy is gonna die, me too probably’ lol this writing oh damn she wakes on a fur blanket in front of a fire in a white dress that permed hair is so fucked there’s paintings of pretty ladies all around and one of them is blonde amy and there he is with his shirt unbuttoned pants buckled up to the navel like damn, dark hair all ruffled - hs head is too big for his shoulders ew what is this kiss she’s shaking with fear, he is like almost crying for some reason and now she’s okay and taking her titties out and coming after him  and here’s some weird slow kissing and damn he bit her damn wouldn’t you fuck first? fkn charlie in his professor jacket snooping about in the shadows with a big ugly gold cross on that house is perfectly spooky holy shit peter scared the fuck outta me damn he got a box of 'props’ which will actually work, got a gun to take care of billy or whatever, his human buddy they wanna sneak in but the front door opened for them oh damn don’t let anything happen to peter he’s precious. it’s like reading a teen adventure story - good simple but memorable characters, good story with lots going on, not deep or thought-inducing just a fun time  now here’s bruce 'welcome to Fright Night’ all chill just standing there in like a priest’s shirt? no bruce leave vincent alone. oh what the fuck making a weird moaning noise as he backs away from the cross - #leavevincentalone oh fuck weird kid is terrifying  wtf now he’s a wolf demon wolf ruff ruff puppyy oh shit he stabbed the puppy and it yeeted over the banister hit the chandelier and holy fuck that is the worst puppeteering attempt or whatever the fuck they’re going for ever - its a plush toy twitching out and now ewwwww what the fuck is that i thought vampires were vampires not like weird wolf gremlin things - its slowly dying with this stake in it, all thin fingers, whines, and cries holy shit this is taking a while. vincent is crying and holy shit its just weird kid crying with a big table leg in him and now he’s dead holy shit and the cross mark healed and he’s naked. bruce is oh fuck Amy is a vampire —“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ the drama. can you imagine walking into someone’s house and there’s a naked dead kid with a table-leg through his chest on the foyer floor. the house is pouring out dry ice and green lazer lights and vincent is back my brave boy, with a table-leg and a box all ready to fight. dumbass is struggling to cry over his girl. AMy is turning, I think bruce is making her a coffin. what here we go - everything is as it was in the movies like all the stereotypical shit so now they’re gotta kill Bruce before sunrise so she doesn’t fully turn. monotone - 'stop or i’ll shoot. don’t force me to shoot’ *shoots billy boy in the fkn head* orange eyes man whats with the weird groans and noises when flinching back from the crosses looks like billy boy aint dead after all holy shit blood everywhere yeah just keep shooting im sure that will help oh damn he the terminator - nope he a zombie fuck run don’t ust holy shit he staked him i thought vincent was gonna die he’s dripping green slime he’s got the ebola what the fuck ohmygod ohmygodholyfuckjesus christchrist fuck my god. well that was terrifying. move aside indiana jones . peter ahahah 'eeehhh’ of bruce chillin outside the window. he uses like fifty different voices and accents 'show me how much you love me amy, kill them both. rraaaargghhhh! *elbows a fkn wall* oh damn at least her gross perm is gone. rarrrrgh! *nervous cross and slow back out of the door* jesus what the fuck his bottom jaw is even worse now he just fkn crashed through the pretty round window.  that jacket damn i hate it so much. oh damn is that the sun? looks like the night is done dumbass and he believes he believes and damn that’s a lot of clocks chiming 6am i think it’s 6am. im sorry what the fuck was that did he just get sniped wat the fuck its a gremlin bat oh my god with fangs and shit its scratching him up oh no it bit dumbass what a shame and ohh he burning in green flame in the light of the sun but he fucked off to the basement where he gone vincent’s cut is gone and dumbass doesn’t seem too worried about his bitten arm. whoop it’s amy all wild hair and long white dress orange eyes, smoky lids, big ass fangs and red lips oh damn what the fucking shit 'it’s not my fault you promised you wouldnt let him get me you promised’ she cries then spins around and its actual fear in his eyes as he screams at the sight of her heavily fanged mouth that reaches from one side of her face to the other jesus cchrist that mouth is terrifying i really am not a fan damn yikes man run ew oh no everyone is in trouble, he is hammering that shit fuck everyone is all kinds of messed up these vampires would have them killed in a second this whole sunlight thing is bull - just cause his face is in the light doesn’t mean you can’t get their legs lol come on the disco-balls are shining and ol mate finally decides to try use his outfit - peter closed his coffin and now he’s trapped i kinda want one of them to die oh damn nvm green flame he went shooting and flying back with the force of that sunlight i think he’s dead 'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ damn what the hell is that skeleton 'AAAAAAMYYYYY’ he cried as he died like what some stories need more depth beyond hey i got a picture of someone who looks exactly like you, imma bite you cause now we’re in love, hey kill your ex to prove you love me, i love you and now im dead . oh god worst part is amy’s hair is back in that perm how the fuck. 'we’ve been going in a circle! we’re right back where we started from’ is the opening to the next scene which is dumbass and amy making out in his room - that’s fkn sick, again 'Fright Night’ is back on with ol mate peter vincent. oh no peter vincent on about aliens wait what was that red eyes in the window is ol mate still alive perhaps ew amy deserves better  but hey what the fuck weird kid survived?? oh he removed the stake damn ahaha. what a movie that was a pretty fun time = 3.5/5

[toddbeeson]

Guides/Ghosts/Spirits/Angels

I am going to remind you why I started these blogs to begin with...to point out that as a child I would point to lights and say “See.”  “See” was my first word.  This is directly such a story.

As a child my mother came to my room each night to pray with me and my brother, Brett.  Brett and I shared the same bedroom. We slept in twin beds. While my Pops was a traveling salesman and quite often away all week, my mom would prepare us for bedtime, turn out the lights, kneel down in the space between our beds and we would say the Lord’s Prayer.  If there was a special prayer request, she would include that as well.

Looking back at it now, it is a beautiful memory.  My heart is warmed at having shared time with my mother and brother in such an intimate, loving way.  Mom helped usher in the direct connection to God/Life/Spirit.

Also at that time, I would see shadowy figures standing around my bed. 

Yes, you read that correctly. 

They were different colors...and most easy to see when the lights were off. They almost looked like cartoon characters except for the fact that they appeared life size.  I couldn’t make out any facial characteristics.  They were just more of a shadow/shade thing that you could see through.  There actually was a real comfort in having them around during that time.  I never felt scared.  I do not remember how old I was when I stopped seeing them…maybe i was 5 or 6?...or probably shortly after I remember telling my mom that I saw such things as she was sure I wasn’t seeing anything.  She tells me now that she doesn’t remember this stuff at all.  i do-- I can close my eyes to this day and still remember what that bedroom and the shadowy figures looked like.

October 2002

After a traumatic weekend in Austin, TX that involved the closing of a relationship, the memory of the shadowy figures re-entered my mind.  I told a couple trusted friends about it.  They believed me and had heard similar stories, in fact.  My friend, Gigi, went on about how her child/son recalls details from his previous life...saying things and words that a child couldn’t possibly know.

I thought I was alone in sharing the expression that I had seen spirits.  I thought only “crazy” people see them!  But, I shared my memory anyway.  I had a feeling I needed to step into this truth and share it. (Btw- also in 2002 when I was staying at my ex-gf’s grandmother’s home in Galveston, I took pictures around her Historically protected home and although I didn’t realize it at the time that I was snapping pix, I did indeed capture a picture of a ghost-- you make out the details of an older woman! I have to find that picture!!)

After returning to LA a couple days later, I was asked to watch a 4th grade class for a half-hour while the homeroom teacher tended to another need.  She asked me to read a story, but could not find the book that she had wanted me to read.  So instead she had me read a story called,  “The Uninvited Guests.”  I was amazed as I read aloud to the class to find out that this “fictional” story was about a family that had moved to a house where ghosts lived.  The parents could not see the ghosts- only the children could see them!!!!!!

I told my truth and I felt validated.  My spirit was heard!   The timing of reading that story was perfect!!

Present Time

In keeping my interest of such stories and the wonderment of what happens to our spirit after we pass, I have read some books-- Brian Weiss’s “Many Lives Many Masters” -- which by the way I had actually attended his workshop in Austin, Texas that same weekend I was experiencing my break up and shared my shadow story with friends, Gigi and Josh...and most recently this past year my Pops gifted me books “Reality Unveiled” by Ziad Masri and “Journey of Souls-Case Studies of Life Between Lives” by Michael Newton. 

A week ago Saturday night, I felt exhausted and just wanted to sit back and watch some fun and silly movie before I faded to sleep...and had planned to watch Wayne’s World 2 as the movie just happened to illuminate itself from others -  I couldn’t even recall anything about the movie, so it would probably feel like the firs time watching it.  But before I watched it, I had a little ding hit me-- I felt inspired to read from Michael Newton’s book...so I picked it up off my nightstand and went thru the table of contents...leading me to wish to read the chapter on “Guides.”  

After I read a little bit and felt the gift of inspiration, I was now finally comfortable enough to allow myself to sit back and enjoy being entertained= I finally then felt it was now time to start watching Wayne’s World 2...and to my amazement and wonder, the movie pretty much started out with Wayne having a dream that he has a Native American Guide who connected him to Jim Morrison and on a mission...leading him to go on a faith-filled lark-- ultimately connecting to someone who had been guided by the same Native American Guide. Whoah!

It definitely now seems on this quiet Saturday night of relaxation and rest that I had again been led by a Guide to experience such a connection.  

I also had a flood of memories of those magical times I had been led in the past-- in previously posted stories.  To name a few:  I recalled having a dream in 2006 after a 13 year old girl I used to teach had died due to drowning while having an epileptic seizure while bathing alone-- in my dream she visited me in my bed to say she was fine.  I recalled my time being led to the Eden Prairie mall to run into a girl I used to date.  I recalled being connected with my ex-gf Lynn when she had lost her phone, but somehow happened to walk into the same place at the same time in a way that could never happen on a daily basis. Around 2007 I recall teaching my student, Charlie, the James Bond theme on guitar and being in such a flow I said now expect that your’e going to have a connection with James Bond-- and wallah-- I went downstairs to talk to Charlie’s mom...and she had a friend over who told a ghost story (out of the blue)-- one of which he mentioned he had visited an Irish castle that has a ghost-and he even added that he was there with the guy who played Q in James Bond movies(again w/ no knowledge of my having taught that song during my lesson)-- and many more stories= All feel Divinely guided.  

Last Monday (a couple days later) I woke up to the horrific news that a couple of old high school classmates (technically one was my year and the other was a year younger) had passed away unexpectedly.  Shocking and So so so sad.

It led me to picking up my Reality Unveiled and Journey of Souls books of my night stand at the same time...but I had to pick just one to read, obviously...and I settled on Reality Unveiled-- and just opening a random page.  I had a bit of trepidation to read that one at that moment, actually...as I heard my mind argue to just keep with the Journey of Souls per its magic last time.

But...as it turned out, I was correct...as the random page I opened to actually wrote specifically from the Journey of Souls book!  

It mentioned how when people die their spirits linger for a time on earth before going to a heaven place (no matter what their religion or beliefs, btw)..and that spirits are different shades of colors depending upon their vibrational frequency/energy.  Wow.  Dr. James Newton has scientific proof of such stuff having taped interviews with thousands of patients describing their in-between-time before re-incarnation.  

In a world where it seems that information/media/religion are being used for exploitation and selfish gain via misinformation, we can rarely trust what we see in front of us-- its even more clear that we need to carve quiet time-- to go inside/connect with our spirit and our guides...trust our heart and our truth...and know that without a doubt I have been shown so many ways that we are not alone in this life.  Ever.  We are always in the company of guides...and they help us in ways we might not even know.  

Its time to trust and remember this magic...more than ever.  

Thank you for reading this...I hope this helps you find peace, comfort, inspiration and trust in this world.

i wish you peace and magic.

Love, Todd  

Warmth by The Lift. 

[visionssofgideon]

In-depth Reflection on Kingsman: The Golden Circle (Spoilers)

FUCKING SPECTACULAR, EH!

After so much waiting, watching new promos and trailers everyday, I watched Kingsman: The Golden Circle today! The sequel to my favorite movie of all time! And BOY, I have so many thoughts. I am going to try to go as in-depth as I can, and as much in order as I can but BEWARE this is nearly a shit post with me pouring all of my feelings into it and will have random points all over the place, but mainly is me trying to process everything, this is A LOT (it’s 3k) and basically a summary of the movie 

SPOILER ALERT!!! OBVIOUSLY LOL okAY LET’S GO

They started off the fucking MOVIE with Take me Home, Country Roads on a bagpipe FUCK

FUCK YEAH EGGSY UNWIN! GARY UNWIN! MY MAN! MY DUDE! MY SON! YOU LOOK SO FINE IN THAT SUIT, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR DECEASED HUSBAND shit too soon

IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN A MINUTE CHARLIE GET THE FUCK OUT IDC HOW YOU SURVIVED GO AWAY also ALL THESE CARS OH FUCK IS THIS ALL POPPY! Anyways Yes yes yes EPIC drifting cab scene! Eggsy has grown so much yeah boy you kick his ass! I love this drifting cab scene, they built a custom cab that could drift how amazing is that! But oh nooo, ugh Charlie’s stupid arm made the poisonous blade kill the driver :(

Eggsy can hold his breath because he was training for the marines but also throwback to his training when he was the only one that was smart enough to see the two-way mirror! The police were like yOu wOt m8 @ Eggsy but iT’S OKAY there’s a secret Kingsman entrance under the lake! By the way HI MERLIN I LOVE YOU YOU SCOTTISH MAN but Eggsy you are a BRAVE man for jumping into shit! On a side not, the hand just hacked into Kingsman holy shite

HI TILDE agh prefer Eggsy with the love of his life, Harry Hart, but you DAMN brave for wanting to kiss a shit-covered Eggsy! Also HI JB YOU’VE GROWN SO MUCH! But wait, EGGSY MOVED INTO HARRY’S HOUSE! Just like the fanfics said! That makes me so happy

Cool transition from a bag of pot to Cambodia! Poppy is FUCKING CRAZY, actual psychopath, I mean cannibalistic burgers, delicious! Those dogs are cool, more realistic than other movies, but rip people who are put through the shredder! Ngl that burger looks pretty good

AW TILDE TRYING TO TEACH EGGSY MANNERS BUT FUCK HERE IS THE DELETED HARTWIN BREAKFAST SCENE FROM TSS! THE MYTHICAL BREAKFAST SCENE IS REAL! Eggsy paying close attention to his lover Harry Hart is

The fact that Eggsy has to hold back tears when simply thinking of Harry is so :( And he even asks Mr. Pickles, because he remembers Harry’s love for him. Eggsy Unwin was in love with Harry Hart, okay.

“Galahad, late again” HAHA just like Harry used to be! Hi off-brand Michael Caine-looking Arthur! ROXY MORTON IS MY GIRLFRIEND HI I LOVE YOU OKAY I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BUT I LOVE YOU! She looks so fly, so does Eggsy and Merlin! Also bye @Charlie I can’t believe he survived armless and now works for the craziest person ever!

Honestly rip this guy who just got the golden circle tat and is eating his friend in the form of a burger which btw looks pretty good! Welcome to hell!

Oh nice, the dinner scene! Eggsy is such a gentleman but he actually loves Tilde? He’s actually doing this wow and it’s all because Roxy Morton aka my gf is helping him out! Of course he doesn’t know about spanish painter Frida Kahlo! Roxy ugh ur da best from galahad, and roxy asking best friend or best agent? Both ;) AGH also NICE Eggsy started his own wall like Harry’s of the menial news! UGH Eggsy’s friend is so dumb what is he DOING! AHHHH HAND GRENADE and Eggsy cursing 100x in front of Tilde’s parents

NO NO NO BOMBING EGGSY’S PLACE! Everything is gone ALL OF HARRY’S STUFF! NO JB NONO EGGSY’S FRIEND! WHAT THE WHERE DID THESE MISSILES COME FROM oh fucking POPPY

Roxy knew, she knew, she even tried to escape but… Roxy Morton! MATTHEW VAUGHN I am utterly disgusted and disheartened! Roxy had so much potential, and remaining in a platonic relationship with Eggsy, their friendship was amazing! She was a brilliant agent, not to mention um the only female!? DENIAL! DENIAL! Roxy survived, she tried escaping, so she survived! WE WILL SEE ROXY MORTON IN THE THIRD KINGSMAN MOVIE OKAY

Arthur is dead, all the Kingsman including Percival are dead… Poppy is absolutely crazy, and is giving Charlie a new arm! God, from the trailer, the crazy slingshot arm! Agh no no no this won’t be good…

Eggsy, all alone, in despair. And here go Merlin and Eggsy blaming each other, for possible betrayal! And god Eggsy, Eggsy telling it like it is, everybody is dead, JB, Roxy, his friend, everybody… but Merlin told him to not shed a tear, to hold in emotion, as if he has done this before.

Thus, the doomsday protocol ensues- shopping, drinking. Statesman whiskey! Drinking to everybody! Drink to Scottland! Haha, nice try @ drunk!Merlin! But drunk Eggsy slurring his words and Merlin being an absolute mess and crying is just…. Somebody please get Merlin Kentucky fried chicken, please

HAHA that part of Merlin breaking in, opening the barrel! Hello CHANNING TATUM! Agent Teqila HAHA okay! That fighting was great, wow like being an American for once! WOW please don’t set their balls on fire, that would not be good! HAHA Yeah Tequila, go fuck yourself! 

WAIT BUT, HARRY HART IS ALIVE! HARRY HART, SHAVING, BEAUTIFUL MALE SPECIMAN, HARRY HART! HARRY FUCKING HART! EGGSY UNWIN’S SOULMATE! He is alive, and beautiful as ever! Yes Eggsy, we understand, “Fuck me” as in you love Harry Hart we get it! Eggsy and Merlin yelling, but alas, a two-way mirror! YAY GINGER ALE TO THE RESCUE LOVE YOU HALLE BERRY MY QUEEN

Harry looks all smiley! All happy! But he doesn’t know… I predicted this, his amnesia :( Please remember bby! Eggsy is all frustrated, but look at Harry focusing on his butterflies! YES YES THE STATESMAN IN KENTUCKY SAVED HARRY wow cool technology for being American, I would like to thank Ginger! Unfortunately, Harry reverted to his old self. Before kingsman or army, he was a lover of butterflies. Wow. Before being in the army, a kingsman agent, he was a lepidopterist

ELTON JOHN, THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE POSSIBLY! Telling it to Poppy as it should be!

HAHA hello champ! Yay jeff bridges! What a man, he seems so chill, I want to have a conversation with him! Champ>>>>>Arthur. Will never get over the fact that the Kingsman are knights of the round table, galahad, lancelot, percival… the statesman are fckuing alcoholic beverages how American sigh,,,,, also Whiskey, hi pedro pascal!

Harry Hart reading his dear book about butterflies! No, they’re putting him through training again to jog his memory! But poor Harry is struggling no no my bby please stop! Btw Colin Firth is the best actor ever okay thanks! Agh this scene is breaking my heart :(((( Harry’s trying to hard to remember, Merlin is trying so much, but Harry’s just here soaking wet :(((

AW JB 2.0 thanks @tilde aw okay people get people they love dogs to help them…. Keep that in mind for later for what I KNOW is coming up!

Lol mini condom and penis joke bc haha America sucks! Look Charlie’s gf who Eggsy will have to get to for their mucus membrane because the trackers needs to be… Haha Whiskey “tinder-what?” me!

BLUE VEIN shit… tequila come on mate! So sugar is 10000x worse than any drug rip :( Elton John is great I love him! Poppy is crazy pt. 2, those dogs are scary, please no! Hey, Elton is friend hell yeah!

Ahhh, can I just say, even though I don’t want Eggsy with Tilde, he is such a decent man to tell her what he is going to do! Despite knowing she’s going to be mad! NO PROPOSAL PLEASE but still, Eggsy Unwin is a good man that is all I have to say! Started from the bottom (literally) now we’re here! Lol @Tilde he actually loves Harry Hart! Anyways, time to travel through the vagina! Matthew Sexist Vaughn everybody! LOL @Merlin being uncomfortable and Ginger being total 100% chill, they are perfect for each other! i ship

HI HARRY! Oh god is this the maggot butterfly scene? YES IT IS! oh fuck fuck fuck. Okay can I say, Harry Hart is so smiley, he loves talking about butterflies. THIS SCENE GOD yes Harry pin Eggsy against the wall! Btw my FAVORITE thing is when Harry says “Perhaps you mean larvae” and smiles. Such a sweet smile! And the smiles are sad at the same time, because he doesn’t know who Eggsy is! And now Eggsy is sad drinking, trying not to think about the old Harry, trying to deal with the whole Tilde situation. God, the scenes between Harry and Eggsy are making me so elated with both joy and sorrow, because Hartwin. BUT THE PUPPY! Eggsy looked up pet store and

OH MY GOD MR. PICKLES 2.0! FAVORITE SCENE EVER! Ahhh Harry smiling, or rather Colin smiling at the pupper, the most precious thing! Young, non-agent Harry Hart is innocent and will love and cherish a puppy. BUT EGGSY, stop torturing him! Eggsy is trying so hard to jog Harry’s memory, but it’s so sad! Also, Colin Firth’s acting in this scene, is just fantastic! Absolutely amazing, to see the contrast! Young Harry Hart or CGId Colin Firth is the sweetest thing, to see his love Mr. Pickles. Because truly, Mr. Pickles was Harry Hart’s pressure point. Saying that Harry would never hurt a puppy, it was a blank, and HARRY IS BACK! Harry Hart, the agent, the man who knew he was an agent, but also a man. A man with feelings, with love, with innocence! No more Eggy, hello Eggsy, your husband! GOSH, THE HUG! Eggsy Unwin on his tippy toes hugging his soulmate Harry Hart and the puppy he got him! YES, remember how Tilde got Eggsy a puppy to help him because she loved him. If you love somebody and get them a puppy, then you know that Eggsy Unwin is deeply in love with Harry Hart. I truly think this is it. Hartwin confirmed #nice

BAR NICE yay Harry is back! Still can’t believe! OH GOD Eggsy holding back tears seeing his eye, but Harry completely and undoubtedly ROCKING those eyepatch-glasses like he was meant to! Okay, who is this redneck guy calling Harry the f-word. Please, Harry Hart may be the gayest man alive (in TSS with Dean’s guy saying that there’s “another rent boy around the corner” triggering Harry just like the f-word did, as well as his smirk in TSS when saying “my black jewish boyfriend” HAHA) but this is just rude. And Harry can’t aim because his depth perception is 100x worse than before now :( Stop punching Harry my bby! #StopHurtingHarryHart2k17! Manners DO Maketh Man, but Harry still needs to relearn! Well Whiskey going to whip them into shape, Diana Prince 2.0? That’s a REALLY GOOD FIGHT SCENE! Wow Southerners are not like what I expected! I hope Harry gets better soon

UGH Poppy is crazy pt. 3! This disease is crazy, but there is Elton John to save the day! ELTON YOU DA MAN! Anyways, yikes! DANCING HHAHA, Tequila could bust some dank moves! Anyways the world is going crazy, but what else is new? OH the US president is a dick… Trump, is that you? Low-key about Trump even though this finished filming before he became president! See, the president here is what I think of when I think of Southerners.

Okay so they’re going to Italy! And Eggsy is not going without Harry! Aw, look at my sons who are so in love with each other! Nice outfits boy! Aw, Harry can’t do too much field work because he’s still recuperating :( He couldn’t aim his watch thing, but a bang will do! BTW Colin actually knows Italian, so this is perfect! HAHA River! Lol I hate @Charlie but SHIT his gf got caught hahahah yikes… Oh no Harry is hallucinating again! And here come a crazy ride, which Pedro and Taron actually felt because Matthew Vaughn wants to make everything as realistic as possible! Because Matthew Vaughn is the devil!! Okay this is hella intense for not being a fight scene but also funny because of them yelling! Lol they stopped because of Eggsy pulling the parachute (tb to TSS) but it’s an American flag wow how American! And the old man said that was the best shit he’s had in a while, so I guessed it all worked out!

Okay cabin scene, Eggsy greets his bf again yay but THERE ARE SHOOTERS SHIT also nice @whiskey really cool fight scene and DIANA PRINCE 2.0! Okay Harry just shot Whiskey and oh no Eggsy don’t blame yourself! It’s not your fault, really it’s not! But don’t yell at Harry, he just saved your life with that cologne lmao… Okay I don’t like Eggsy being mad at Harry :( OH SHIT WUDDUP CHARLIE JUST BLEW UP HIS GF yikes sucks. Btw Merlin and Ginger working together is amazing, they are a new ship!

The president sucks pt. 2 (again, Trump?) Wow this human in cage thing is crazy, dystopian shit, actual yikes! Not to mention everybody has the “dancing disease” lmao! Look, merlehad! Haha so apparently Harry should know Merlin’s favorite singer but he doesn”t rip

Thought the lawyer was Merlin ngl

Ugh Eggsy is sad, Harry make him feel better! MARTINIS! Oh shit, this is going to be emotional. Eggsy talking about Tilde to Harry, but Harry loves him. And god, talking about when he was shot by Valentine. Not thinking of anything, anybody, because he never loved anybody… Brings me back to when he wanted to go back to his mother while he still had amnesia, who most likely passed away :( Please Harry Hart, I know you love Eggsy. Somebody love him. He says love is “worth living for”, and he lived for Eggsy.. WHAT IF HE thought of Eggsy when he was dying, but he didn’t say anything here because Eggsy had just told him that he has a gf SHIT SHIT SHIT no no please hartwin no 

Aw sorry Whiskey :( He lost his gf, but now he is vengeful… wow okay this is a lot

MERLIN IN A KINGSMAN SUIT! YES MERLIN, I LOVE YOU, YES YES YOU LOOK SO FINE!  And the machete is his haha! Wow a baseball and bat, so American.

And so we are here, Cambodia, and SHIT LAND MINE. No no no no, this is where it happens. WHY DOESN’T THE FROZEN THING HAVE MORE THAN 1 USE what kind of faulty fucking kingsman/statesman shit is that if it only has 1 use WHY DIDN’T YOU CARRY MORE MERLIN WHY YOU’RE SO STUPID NO SORRY YOU’RE NOT STUPID ILY BUT WHY   :(((( Merlin sacrificing himself for Harry and Eggsy, because he is fully devoted to Kingsman. Eggsy trying to hold back emotion, but Harry and Merlin fully knowing what being a Kingsman is. “No time for emotion” FUCK

OH GOD.TAKE ME HOME, COUNTRY ROADS! Merlin singing in his scottish accent, yelling out like he was meant to. God, why. Merlin, such a brilliant man, WHY. And he’s distracting Poppy’s men to save Eggsy and Harry! Okay, DENIAL! NO. Did you HEAR that last note?! Merlin braced himself and closed his eyes, but he might’ve not died! Merlin, Hamish, survived! His legs may have been blown off, but we will see him in the third movie, legless or not! I refuse to believe Merlin is dead.

Elton John as low-key performer/drag queen is my FAVORITE! It’s Wednesday FUCK YEAH! Oh, Eggsy and Harry look so vengeful, and they are perfect fighting together! Absolutely amazing! Eggsy taking Harry’s blind side is amazing, and their fighting impeccable. THE BITCH IS BACK ON THE MOVIE THEATER, YES INDEED! ELTON JOHN JUST HIT A MAN I LOVE HIM! Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, spy husbands fighting side by side!

Okay, bye @ dogs! ! WOW ELTON JOHN IS A FRIEND YES HAHA, okay low-key thought Elton John was going to say “If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole” to be Harry’s Tilde but he said “you can get backstage passes” which is the same thing OKAY GOD ELTON JOHN X HARRY HART NEW SHIP?? YES YAY wow he blew a kiss to him I’m dead this is so gay I love it harry hart fucked elton john 

Charlie can go die okay thanks bye. Okay the one arm thing is dumb, Eggsy you have an advantage use both arms lol, anyways YES FOR MERLIN, REMEMBER MERLIN EGGSY!

Okay last fights. Poppy is crazy pt. final!  Julianne Moore’s acting is AMAZING, really great! But um, viva las vegans? That’s dumb. Okay anyways OH SHIT BOI WHISKEY Harry Hart knew it! FINAL FIGHT SCENE and this is amazing! Absolutely amazing fight scene of spy husbands vs. Wonder Woman 2.0! Whiskey lost somebody because of drug addicts, man wow Kingsman really focuses on real issues, like the environment and drug addiction, but the villains are some crazy people! 

Okay, Harry Hart is absolutely amazing, and he can fight amazingly now! Also, Colin Firth doing most of his stunts is AMAZING! Still can’t get the fact that Eggsy fit through the lasso! This is like the church scene in TSS and I love it! Epic fighting scenes with gore x rock music is A+!

YAY WORLD SAVED! Everybody is back! And the president sucks, so YAY FEMALE PRESIDENT! I think this is @ the American govt. and Trump LOL wow I love this movie.

SCOTLAND WINE BY KINGSMAN FUCK… Rest in peace Merlin :(

YES, GINGER IS FIELD AGENT! Okay besides the Roxy thing and tracker going inside vagine thing, this is a feminist movie! Female president, female statesman agent! FUCK YEAH!

Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin, once again together… but Eggsy is getting married which, let’s not think about. MIRROR SCENE PARALLEL TO TSS AHH I want Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin to love each other, to cherish each other, even if Eggsy doesn’t know “what the fuck is going on.” Alas, denial is key. 

FINALLLY WE SEE EGGSY’S MUM WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WHOLE “come live with me” fiasco from TSS HMM ALSO WHERE IS DAISY @ Matthew Vaughn you owe us

Colin Firth’s monologue as Harry Hart made me realize, that I love Kingsman and will never get over it. It is only the beginning, and I can’t wait for more. This had so much emotion, despite it being so intense. RIP Kingsman agents, JB, Roxy, Merlin. Harry Hart, I love you. Hartwin, I will NEVER give up on you.

Oh boi Tequila is kingsman???? damn okay nice hat boi

FUCK

I’m going to cry at 2 am while singing Take Me Home, Country Roads (update: I DID CRY AT 2 AM)

F U C K !

If you read until the end, you are a TRUE Kingsman fan and true mutual/reader. Nice to know there are others out there who are just as crazy as me, but what can you do when you have such an amazing movie! 

[sadghostdyke]

the language of need pairings

going into more detail about the pairings in the third fic from that last post bc im feeling Emotions about it so

in this au the events of it (2017) takes place in the late 1970s/early 1980s. 

beverly marsh/ben hanscom (ben is a trans girl obviously): when i think of this pairing i think of books and tacky but still sweet postcards with poetry written on the back. curling up in bed next to one another and not having to say anything because both of them just know what the other is thinking. big sweaters and rifling through the mail everyday. they probably read virginia woolf and margaret atwood. 

also very sad because as kids they eventually forget each other bc of pennywise so they keep those habits of looking through the mail desperately hoping to see a letter but they don't know why and every time beverly sees the name ben she feels Something in her chest like an ache or a longing but she doesn't know what it is

beverly marsh & susan pevensie (nonromantic): i have a feeling that beverly would get crushes on older women a lot after her dad bc i mean. being gay i know i had lots of crushes on older women when i was a kid and it's also a common thing that happens after sexual assault. so. i just picture susan pevensie in her early 50s, still a beauty, dark hair now streaked with silver, perpetually dressed to the nines, her apartment full of books and antiques that she shares with beverly, and 12-year-old bev thinking 'wow this woman is so cool..... i love her so much....' because shes never had an adult woman treat her so lovingly and she has difficulty separating platonic & romantic affection in her mind (esp. towards adults)

susan is somewhat aware that beverly is in puppy love with her and kinda just skirts around the topic and teaches beverly about cool stuff. beverly's aunt is nice and everything but she's not really sure how to deal with kids, let alone heavily traumatized ones, so she leaves beverly to her own devices to a certain extent and so beverly kinda latches on to susan as a parental figure. its pretty bittersweet tho bc only a year and a half later they have to move for bev's aunt's job. 

beverly marsh/charlie mcgee: in case you don't know- charlie mcgee is another stephen king character (this one from the book firestarter). she & her dad andy are on the run from the government bc they have powers- charlie especially. a couple of months after beverly moves to hawkins indiana, charlie and andy shows up in bev's backyard and beverly's aunt lets them stay in the house for a week or song. charlie is a rlly mysterious figure to beverly and even though beverly doesn't know her for all that long she kind of idolizes charlie as a ~mysterious figure~ and develops a crush on her- not on her as a person but as an ideal figure. 

beverly marsh/max mayfield: this is an au so they're around the same age even though according to 'timelines' max should be like .... seventeen when beverly is twelve. but anyways. they're both fourteen and beverly is like wow this cool girl has a skateboard...... im going to befriend her!!! and max agrees to give beverly skateboarding lessons. they kiss a couple of times but its mostly just the kind of 'i like you let's spend tons of time together and call each other our girlfriend' relationship and max gives beverly star wars band-aids when she scrapes her knees and explains the entirety of star wars to her as beverly nods excitedly. they have movie marathons and watch star trek and race each other a lot (beverly on her bike, max on her skateboard). anyways they're cute and sweet and it's the longest relationship either of them have ever had (its about a year long) but eventually they break up, partially because beverly is moving, partially because they're both fifteen and max thinks it's time for them to date other people

beverly marsh/carrie white: they meet when they're both sixteen. beverly is now a solidly butch babe and falls head-over-heels for the willowy femme with long blonde hair who is very smart. they bond over bad parents and ptsd and their shared love of shakespeare. it's love at first sight and they care an incredibly large amount about one another because they just click. together both of them start to process their trauma together and its really helpful to have someone else who understands by their side. when margaret white hits carrie really hard, beverly gives her bruise care cream at school the next day. they have study dates and beverly is super super in love with the way that carrie bites the end of her pencil. 

about a year later they get caught by margaret white (carrie gives beverly a goodbye kiss when beverly is dropping off carrie at her house) and margaret sees and just goes wild. she raises her hand to hit carrie and beverly moves in front of her gf to take the hit and the resulting backhand cuts her face pretty deep because margaret is wearing a ring and carrie sees beverly bleeding and just snaps and lashes out with her telekinesis and manually stops margaret's heart and she dies. the two of them are like..... okay. that happened. they cover it up because tbh margaret deserved it and carrie moves in with beverly and they go on with their lives.

it breaks beverly's heart when they split up. carrie's going to an east coast college to get a degree in education and developmental psychology and beverly's going to the west coast to get a degree in art and neither of them want to split up but neither of them know what else to do. so they break up and it Sucks.

beverly marsh/kay mcall: after carrie and bev break up beverly just. Collapses in the relationship department. she stops dating and starts messing around with kay (who is in denial about being bisexual) and it's very much in the department of 'we have great sex but you won't acknowledge me outside of it' and it just sucks 

im gonna pick this up later but that's most of the pairings right now

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

the delicious subtext of charlie's terror that vaggie might leave her and implication charlie knows her dream of the hotel isn't enough anymore if vaggie isn't sharing it with her, yum yum yummm

no girlfriend while watching the hazbins finally bond and she's miserable

girlfriend comes back and charlie can smile again

the fact that this was important enough to SHOW specifically charlie being sad without vaggie even while everyone else is going well

we could have had her eagerly watching the hazbins and brush off vaggie's sorry without even looking at her, could have had vaggie seeing her be so happy and vaggie relaxing bc this time she didn't actually mess up too bad after all and charlie's happy so

INSTEAD we get charlie giving the gf space as asked, but wanting vaggie back more than anything. and when vaggie does come back..

her trying to apologize freaks charlie OUT, no no no she DOES NOT WANT she stops vaggie so SHE can say sorry TO vaggie, something happened on the roof that was bad and hurt vaggie and clearly charlie's had to sit with feeling like this is her fault

and she's finally able to touch vaggie without vaggie turning away like she kept doing on the roof, so that's SOMETHING

but charlie's still not sure. Vaggie's still sad, isn't smiling

hearing charlie take the blame isn't what vaggie wants. it's not making her happy to hear it

so charlie pulls away, turns away, takes some space herself and

goes for honesty. Bubbly bright side charlie admits things are harder than she thought they'd be and turns back saying "but we'll figure it out" with a cringing smile that has a question in it

will they?? does vaggie still want to try???

she's just heard that being with charlie means vaggie feels like she has one purpose and seen her start cracking at the edges when she 'fails' it, a pain she doesn't want charlie's help with, and that obviously hurt and scared charlie and had her stammered and fluttering in panic sure but worse than THAT, the actual question charlie has coming out of all this is... will vaggie... stay?

charlie's giving big "seriously scared of being alone again but this time after losing the person who'd finally 100% seemed to believe in her" energy here guys

but by the time she says "Together" vaggie is smiling at her, smiling so soft

this is what she wanted to hear. what she wants too

just them togther

LOOK at charlie SPrINTING OVER when she sees that!!

with her own huge smile the moment vaggie looks okay again, looks happy to be here with charlie again, and charlie can grin with her hands on vaggie's shoulders and NOW she can point out how the day didn't go that bad, slight trauma uncovering and relationship canon bomb aside

but before that

charlie checked in, checked vaggie wanted to be with her and figure things out together no matter HOW the rest of the hotel was doing

bc that's what was most important to charlie at the end of this day

me, sticking a swizzle straw in this subtext like it's a smoothie: show me more of your abandonment issues charlie morningstar i KNOW they're in there (sluuuuuurp)

[iv-kplpt]

well that was easy

this one’s kind of hard to explain: basically one evening i came up with an idea for a college au for (telltale) oswald and charlie and (gotham) oswald and jim gordon. my gf told me to write it, so naturally... two cobblepots are cousins. their respective family tragedies never happened. this is a self indulgent base/skeleton text - an outline of sorts that’ll be expanded with some more detailed oneshots.

High above the streets of London Widowmaker was perched on a rooftop, looking for a blind spot in enemy's defenses, for a possible path for Tracer to slip through and make her way to Sombra who was hidden behind the enemy lines, waiting for her chance to disarm them, to render them helpless and defenseless.

„Try the right path.” she finally said. „I don't think they even remember it exists. Through the window and up the stairs. Mind the gap.”

„I'm there!” Tracer announced after a short while. „And I have my bomb.”

„And we all have our stuff, so let's go.” Gordon said, yawning quietly and making his Zarya jump a few times. „Hey, where's Mercy?”

„Safe and sound.” announced Charlie, who was sitting behind Louise's Widow. „And far away.”

„Then time to get our first point.” Louise said, taking a sip of her drink. „Let's go.”

Their plan worked – once Louise activated her visor, she picked the enemy team one by one, headshot after headshot, Charlie boosting her to speed up the process, making their Mercy waste her ult. Then the true fun began; Oswald jumped out of his hideout he was sharing with Vicki – they were dance emoting in the meantime – and EMPed. Gordon did his russian thing and Vicki and Oz ulted at the same time, laughing maniacally, as the enemy team was decimated.

„Works every time.” Vicki said cheerfully, dancing on the point. „Incredible.”

„Communication is the best super power.” Oswald announced, jumping around as Charlie kept trying to heal him.

It was a late Friday afternoon and they were all free, but too tired to actually hang out, so they decided to play some matches together, instead of just yelling at each other on their discord server.

(For once Oz was glad they can't hang out in person. He really didn't feel like bearing Gordon's company that day.)

At first it was just Oz and Charlie online – everyone else was either on their phones or finishing something else, so for a good hour it was just TheWizardOfOz and CherryGum.

„So, how's your week going?” Oz asked, as he was chasing down some unfortunate Genji who had the audacity to try and flank.

„Semi-decent.” she replied, damage boosting him. „I'm probably not going to sleep tonight.”

„Insomnia?”

„No, I'm home alone and I really don't like it.”

„Oh, why didn't you say so earlier?” Oswald chimed in; Oz could hear people in the background, meaning his cousin was probably still on the campus. „You should've come over!”

Yes, Oz thought to himself, she should've.

He liked being around her, seeing her, hearing her. Every little thing she did felt like magic and he loved when she'd come over to have a movie night with his cousin; because when he'd walk into the kitchen the next morning it usually meant she was there with a cup of coffee, still warm and soft from the recent sleep, her hair a mess.

(He never said anything. In fact, he talked to her way less often than he'd like to. She was his cousin's friend first, after all – and someone he was hopelessly in love with second.)

Being in love is nice. Being in love with someone who loves someone else is not nice. Being in love with someone who loves someone else who treats them like shit is fucking awful.

That was seemingly the only thing Oz Cobblepot and Jim Gordon had in common – that and great hair. And nice jawlines.

They were both in love and both of their love interests were already monogamously taken – even though it was a Pulcinella's secret of sorts that their significant others are not doing so great in terms of being decent human beings. One could even argue they weren't good at just being human.

Everybody kinda knew and everybody kinda cared – but when confronted about it, Charlie and Oswald would only roll their eyes and assure the other person everything is fine and that gossips are rarely true.

Or: that was what Charlie would do. Oswald would chuckle nervously and change topic. He was never smooth – he was the awkward Cobblepot. Oz was the charming one.

But no matter how charming he was it wasn't enough for Charlie to really open up to him – she would laugh at his jokes and reply to his messages and send him silly things on snapchat, but she never truly opened up. Never talked about anything substantial, never really talked about what's going on in her life – except for vague mentions of her boyfriend Harry being a-fucking-ok.

(Oz couldn't stand Harry. He couldn't stand him long before he met his girlfriend who quickly became the last thing on his mind before falling asleep and first thing after waking up. There were rumors going around about Harry – and Oz was smart enough to know rumors usually don't come out of nowhere.)

From what he heard, there were also rumors going around about his cousin's boyfriend, Nygma – but those rumors were going around in uncool, nerd circles Oz wasn't part of. Doesn't mean he wasn't concerned about his cousin's wellbeing – but he knew his cousin. He knew the Cobblepot blood. Despite being tiny, awkward and polite Oswald could hold a mean grudge and he sure as hell knew how to defend himself.

Or maybe Oz was just lying to himself, because he knew who's also interested in his cousin. Everybody knew Jim Gordon – a serious, utterly intolerable prep – has hots for the shorter Cobblepot. Not like Oswald's current boyfriend was perfect, no – he was weird and something about him always rubbed Oz the wrong way, but at least he wasn't Jim fucking Gordon.

Oswald's love life wasn't Oz's main concern. His main concern was his own love life – which wasn't heading in a direction he liked.

(If it was heading in any direction at all.)

They met during a lame party, one year earlier. Most of the people were either drunk or high or both and he was in the kitchen, sitting on the table and smoking a cigarette as she entered, her skin covered in glitter and her eyes oddly red.

(He knew this kind of red, he saw it a lot of times from his cousin. It was a sad kind of red. One that came with tears.)

„Oh.” she said after noticing him. „Sorry, should... Should I leave?”

„There's enough room for both of us. Are you... Okay?” he asked, staring at her face. „You've been crying. Do you need help?”

She looked surprised and he kind of regretted asking her that; maybe he shouldn't be so blunt.

„No, it'll pass.” she said finally, smiling lightly; even despite crying there was still a lot of glitter on her face and he could see a tiny foil heart on her pink bottom lip. „You can give me a cigarette though.”

He gave her one and lit it up for her, as her hands were shaking; up close he could see that her lashes were still wet and matted and that there was a small foil star on her left eyebrow. Glitter mixed up with her freckles and Oz thought – putting his lighter back in his pocket – it turns her skin into a painting of galaxies.

„So, what's your name, beautiful stranger?” he asked eventually, as she visibly calmed down.

„I'm Charlie. And you... Handsome stranger?”

He laughed and winked at her and she grinned in response. She had a beautiful smile, a very genuine, bright one that reached her eyes and lit them up.

„Oz.”

They almost kissed during their first meeting, but were interrupted by some drunk strangers. They shuffled away from each other, Charlie visibly more distraught than him; he wouldn't mind kissing her and taking her home with him and sneaking her into his bedroom and then maybe waking up next to her the next day, assuming she wasn't the sneak-out-early-in-the-morning type.

„I think I'll go home now.” he said and got off the table, stretching his legs. „You need a ride? I have a spare helmet.”

„That'd be great... My boyfriend was supposed to pick me up, but... He's not going to.” she said, averting his eyes and nervously toying with the hem of her dress.

So she had a boyfriend. That'd explain why she looked so terrified. Maybe it'd also explain why she looked so sad.

She didn't live anywhere near him and the trip was longer than he expected, but he didn't mind the time spent with her arms around him; he supposed that's the last time he's seeing her anyway, considering they didn't even exchange phone numbers.

(She did seem familiar though. Maybe she was a friend of a friend on Facebook? He couldn't tell.)

One week later his cousin Oswald – his flatmate – texted him after his cooking class, asking if he'll mind him bringing someone over for tea? Oz texted back saying no, of course he won't, as long as they'll stay clear of his bedroom.

He was sitting on the couch in a living room when the door opened and Oswald came in, excitedly talking about how good season 2 of House of Cards was.

„Well, I have to catch up then.” someone said cheerfully and Oz's heart skipped a beat as he turned around on the couch, to see the familiar mass of red waves covering the back of Charlie's head. „I like Kevin Spacey. He reminds me of my dad.”

She put her coat on a hanger and turned around and then she saw Oz on the couch, silently staring at her and her face lit up and it felt like a great weight was lifted off his shoulders.

„Small world!” she exclaimed, walking up to him.

When Oswald left them for a moment she turned around to face him.

None of them mentioned the kiss that almost happened; they did exchange phone numbers though, and Facebook accounts, and some other things.

(She was a friend of Louise. Naturally. That'd explain why she looked so familiar.)

Back to present day Oz kept mercilessly tracking down enemy team's Zenyatta and cornering him before he could do anything about the damage his team was receiving.

„Aw, let that Zen live.” Charlie said and he heard a quiet pop!, meaning she was chewing gum. „He's doing his best.”

„This map is not big enough for two good healers.” he said nonchalantly and she giggled and he could hear Louise and Gordon roll their eyes. „I'm earning you that post-game card.”

„I'm earning it myself, but thanks. Hey, Oswald, is our movie night still a thing?”

„Oh, it definitely is.” Oswald assured Charlie as he was gunning down enemy Hanzo. „Louise, are you still coming?”

„Yeah. I'll bring... Well, something.”

„Don't worry, I'll bake some muffins.” Charlie said, running – or rather flying – for her life away from Mei's Blizzard. „A lot of them.”

„Will there be any left for me?” Oz asked and he heard Vicki typing furiously and then his phone buzzed and a messanger bubble popped up on the screen; he knew what it's going to say.

„I'll save some for you.” she promised him. „Hey Jim, save some for you as well?”

„If it's not a problem.” he said solemnly and Oz winced. „Louise, you're going to bring them home, right?”

„Oh, I'll try my best. Can't promise anything though. Junkrat's sneaking behind us. Whoops. Past tense.”

After the match ended – they won 3:0 and Louise got potg as Widowmaker, prompting the enemy team to throw a hissy fit over „FUCKING ATTACK WIDOWS” - Oz finally read the message Vicki sent him during the match.

YOU THIRSTY IDIOT.

He shrugged. What could he say? She was right, there was no denying – even though he was doing his best to hide it. On good days he'd almost fool himself into thinking Charlie is just a friend of his cousin, a nice girl who sends him memes at 3 am and bakes the best damn muffins he've ever eaten.

But she was so much more than that. She was also taken; and as much as he hated her fucking Harry he never said anything out loud, knowing damn well it'd only be interpreted one way.

That night he thought of her before falling asleep. She was on his mind a lot lately; but that night it was less about the warmth she made him feel with her laughter and more about the way she tilted her head and exposed her neck when lost in thoughts. Less about wanting to make her laugh – and more about her lips parted in a moan.

That night he jacked off to the thought of his cousin's close friend, who was in a committed relationship.

*** Next evening he met her on his way to a boxing match. He was just leaving when she showed up, her cheeks red from the chilly weather and her hair a mess, thanks to wind.

„Oh! You're leaving?” she asked; was that disappointment in her voice? He hoped so.

„Yeah. Things and stuff.” he replied, putting his leather jacket on and picking his backpack up.

„How mysterious! Are you doing something illegal?”

„Very.” he blurted out; he wasn't lying. His matches were illegal.

„Then try to not get caught... Though I'm sure I'd be able to convince Harry to represent you in court!” she giggled and he pursed his lips and nodded and left, his mood completely ruined. Did she have to mention her douchebag of a boyfriend?

Vicki was waiting for him outside the – officially abandonded – building where the match was supposed to be held. She was smoking and offered him a cigarette as soon as she saw him.

„Thanks.” he muttered, lighting it. „How's your day?”

„Could be better, could be worse. How's yours?”

„I'm going to fucking deck someone tonight.”

„That bad, huh?”

She finished her cigarette and crushed under the heel of her boot.

„It's your lucky night then. You'll be fighting Napier.”

„How the fuck do you know?”

„I'm a journalism major, remember. All the right questions to all the right people.”

She crossed her arms and inhaled the cold, sharp air.

„Le's get inside, I can feel my insides freezing.”

He shrugged, got rid of his cigarette and silently followed her.

„How's your cousin?” she asked, as they were entering the building.

„He's having a movie night with Lou and Charlie.”

„Oh, so that's where your bad mood comes from. You're still not over it?”

„Looks like I'm not.”

„You never told me how you actually met her.”

The building used to be a warehouse; it was spacious and relatively well lit. The host set up a makeshift ring there; and other people were starting to slowly flow in.

„Not tonight.” he said shortly. „You have our masks?”

As instructed by the host, every contestant – as well as every spectator – was supposed to wear a mask, to conceal their identity from potential cops masquerading as... Well, not cops.

Vicky patted her stuffed bag.

„Yeah. You sure yours is even admissible? You can stab someone to death with this beak.”

„The host said I can wear it as long as I don't use it to my advantage. Meaning... No stabbing. At least not tonight.”

„Edgy.” she said dryly and he laughed in response.

They parted ways – he put his mask on and joined the other people in a makeshift locker-room, while Vicky stayed behind, as spectators were not allowed anywhere behind the scenes.

Napier – or Joker, as he demanded to be called during nights like this – was sitting on a bench, staring other people down. His skin looked unnaturally pale, as he coated himself in white paint; he never wore a proper, physical mask. Only paint.

„Penguin, my man!” Joker greeted him cheerfully, not moving from his spot. „It'll be my pleasure to destroy you on this lovely night!”

„In your dreams, you freak.” he said coldly, not even trying to hide his disdain. He knew Jack Napier – they studied at the same college, even though nobody was able to tell exactly what is Napier exactly studying. He also knew Napier has his eyes on Harleen �� a very sweet, very intelligent psych major who once helped him get away with some of his illegal shenanigans, despite not even knowing what's his name. That was the type of person Harleen was – type of person that needed to be preserved and protected, for they were making the world actually habitable.

And Napier having his eyes on her meant she's about to lose some of this goodness, same way one Esme Midnight and her step-brother Rocco lost their optimism and energy.

Their fight was first that night. Once on the ring, Oz let his body take control – it wasn't his first fight in general and not his first fight with Napier. He knew the drill. He knew the tricks – even though Joker was a one trick pony, his trick being unpredactibility.

As they fought, his mind came back to Charlie, or rather her boyfriend. He was a typical – stereotypical, even – frat boy; it was a miracle his name wasn't Chad. He was a law student, came from a rich family, his parents were friends with the mayor. He was a Republican and a living embodiment of the „boys will be boys” sentiment.

And Oz absolutely, truly, madly, deeply hated his guts.

(It was not a simple jealousy. At least he hoped so.)

Thinking about Harry Spencer did help him win the fight though. Joker never stood any chance.

„Are you sure you're not trying to actually kill Napier?” Vicki asked him after they left; they were going to a bar to get a beer or five.

„I wouldn't cry if that happened.”

„You'd end up in jail. For a long time.”

„Not really, no. Remember, my family's rich. Jail's not an option for anyone with the name Cobblepot.”

„But do you think Charlie would want to hang out with a murderer?” she asked and he groaned, rolling his eyes.

„She's a woman's studies major and Napier's an alleged rapist. I think her moral code might have a blind spot for me killing him.”

„That's... One way to win a girl's heart.” Vicki said, giving him a concerned look. „And the exact reason I don't take dating tips from you.”

„Speaking of dating... How's your grand plan going?” he asked when they reached the bar and sat down in a nearly empty room. „Did you ask her out yet?”

„I did. We have a date tomorrow.”

„And do you think there will be a second one?”

„I fucking hope so, she's...”

Vicki paused and Oz reached to pat her on a shoulder.

„Take your time. I get it. I really do.”

(He meant it. They both knew how hard it can be to find the right words to describe a girl; to fully do their beauty justice. Usually they just settled on „I want to both do unspeakable things to her and make waffles with her, you feel?”.)

After he and Vicki parted ways, he tried to open the door to his flat as quietly as possible, to avoid waking anyone up – but it wasn't necessary, as nobody was asleep anyway. The lights were on and Oswald and his friends were in the living room, talking excitedly.

„Hi Oz!” Charlie said cheerfully as she noticed him walking towards his room. „Join us!”

„Depends on what are you going to be watching.” he said; he was lying. He'd join them regardless of their movie pick.

(He could see she was wearing her pink night gown that exposed her legs and arms. Naturally.)

„Jupiter Ascending! I stand by my opinion, this movie is a masterpiece.”

„And I stand by mine. It's garbage.” Louise said, not looking up from her phone. „Hurry up, Oz. And maybe take a shower. You stink.”

Charlie stopped him as he was about to leave the room.

„Are you hungry?” she asked, weirdly nervously. „I can... Make something.”

„You're a guest, I'm not going to make you cook for me. Besides... I'm a big boy.”

„But I want to cook. Plus I'm going to the kitchen anyway.”

Her insistence made his lips twitch in a poorly hidden smile and he nodded.

„Well, alright. It's a free country.”

As she left he followed her with his eyes. Louise finally looked up and shot him a disgusted, disapproving look.

„Take. A. Shower.” she repeated, accentuating every word. „You filthy bastard.”

(He wondered whether she's referring to the fact he was covered in sweat or maybe the fact he stared at Charlie's bare legs as she was walking towards the kitchen. Both were plausible options.)

When he returned – his hair dripping wet and his head a mess, despite a cold shower – they were waiting for him, the movie about to start; Charlie made him a – perfectly round, perfectly golden – omelette and Louise threw a pillow at him, telling him to at least put a shirt on, to which he flipped her off.

At some point during their third movie, around 4am, Charlie – who was seated on the floor, right next to him, close enough for him to occasionally brush her thigh with his hand on accident – dozed off, with her head leaning on his arm.

From that perspective he could see her long lashes. She looked so peaceful; and the warmth of her skin against his felt like home.

„Should... Should I wake her up?” he whispered to Louise, who was right behind him.

In response, Louise gently kicked her in the back and she woke up almost instantly, her face turning red when she noticed who was her pillow for a short while.

„I think that's it for me.” she muttered, getting up shakily and using his arm as a support. „Oswald, I'll crash in your room.”

„Goodnight!” Oswald said cheerfully, still full of energy, as Charlie left the room, yawning; and Oz remained perfectly still, his arm ridiculously hot where she put her hand.

The next morning he encountered her in the kitchen; still sleepy, not fully awake, slowly sipping her coffee. It was just the two of them; Oswald and Louise were asleep on the couch and Oz could hear their snoring.

„Morning.” he said, opening the fridge and looking inside. „Breakfast?”

„Mmm.” she muttered and he smiled to himself. „I dunno. Give me a sec.”

In soft, morning light she looked almost unreal. One of the straps of her night gown slipped down and he could see the faint outline of her breasts underneath the pastel pink fabric.

„Alright, I'm awake.” she said eventually, seemingly unaware of his wandering gaze. „Now feed me.”

„What do you want?”

„Waffles.” she said firmly. „Crispy and golden. You know how to make waffles, right?”

„Yeah. You taught me that, about... Two months ago.” he said, gathering his ingredients. „Remember?”

„I was sure you forgot.” she said softly and he fought off the urge to turn around and look at her.

The waffles turned out perfect and he found vanilla ice cream in the freezer and made her another coffee; with condensed milk and vanilla, strong and sweet, just how she liked it.

And that was the last time he saw her before everything went to shit.

*** It was a Wednesday afternoon and they were all playing together; „just one match” they kept saying for five games now. It was going well. They were having fun and even Gordon seemed to be way less annoying than usual. Oz could hear Harry in the background of everything Charlie was saying; but she seemed to be in a good mood, so that was all that mattered.

He was playing Hog that evening; he started to – very stubbornly – play him when Charlie offhandedly, jokingly mentioned Hog looks like someone who'd treat her right.

(Nobody commented on it. Nobody pointed out it probably says something disturbing about her relationship.)

She was playing Mercy and the enemy Mei was going after her like her life depended on it; at some point Oz just hooked her away, to make her fuck off.

„God, Oz, I could kiss you right now.” Charlie said, flying up to Louise who was testing out Pharah. „Thanks!”

„Everything for you.” he said nonchalantly, pretending he doesn't see the enemy Soldier sneaking around. „Pucker up, angel, I want that kiss. Or a solo rez. Both will do.”

„A kiss won't potentially ruin the game for us, so yeah. Pucker up.”

And that was the exact moment everything went to shit, meaning: Harry Spencer – Charlie's apparently-fucking-great boyfriend – threw what could only be described as a temper tantrum.

Turned out he wasn't at all a fan of Charlie joking about kissing other people – and they heard it all, because he didn't realize that even though she instantly turned the game off (leaving them hanging, but it didn't matter; they were too concerned to keep playing properly anyway and told the enemy team to do whatever they want) the discord was still running in the background, her good quality mic picking everything up.

Every insult. Every threat. Every tearful apology.

0swald

what should we do???

RaptureFucker

call the cops

WizardOfOz

they'll only make things worse for her. I'm going to pay them a visit.

victoriousvale YOU'RE going to make things worse for her, wtf, stay where you are!

gourdon I'm with him on this one though. Cops won't do any good. Cobblepot, you still there?

0swald

yes

gourdon ...not you. The other one.

0swald

he just left. i can hear his bike, i think he's serious.

victoriousvale he's going to get them both killed!!!!!!

RaptureFucker

vicki

did you know?

victoriousvale about what

RaptureFucker harry being like this

did anyone know?

anyone?

victoriousvale no, i didn't!!! but you heard him!!! if oz will show up at their doorstep now it's going to end up in a fucking bloody mess!!

gourdon

Fine. I'm on it. I'll be there before him. I'll stop him.

0swald

don't kill my cousin!

gourdon I'm not going to fight him, I'm going to talk some sense into him. Gordon out.

When Oz stopped his bike in front of the building where Charlie and Harry lived, Gordon was waiting for him on the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets.

„What the fuck are you doing here?!” Oz snarled at him, trying to get past. „I'm going in.”

„No, you're not. You're going to calm down. And then, you and I... Then we're going to talk.”

Gordon's grip on his shoulder was surprisingly firm. Blinded by fury, Oz grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close, staring into his infuriatingly calm eyes.

„I'm going in.” he repeated.

„I texted her right before you showed up.” Gordon said, still staring at Oz. „I asked her if everything's alright, because she suddenly logged off. She texted back. Meaning she's alive. And you can't just barge in.”

„Why?”

„What makes you think she wants your help?” Jim finally blurted out. „Do you think that was the first time it happened? Do you really believe it?”

His thoughts came back to the first time he saw her, to the redness around her eyes and the way their lips almost met, the way she put her fingers on his shoulders.

„No.” he finally replied. „No, I don't think that was the first time.”

„Do you want her to leave him, Cobblepot?”

„That's none of your business.”

„Oh but it is. It is my business.”

„What the fuck do you want, Gordon?”

„For you to hear me out.” Gordon replied stoically, still staring him down. „We can help each other.”

„I don't want your help.”

„No, but you need it. And because I don't need yours... This is my first and last offer. Hear. Me. Out.”

„Fuck. Fine.” Oz said, giving up. „The fuck you want?”

„Are you in love with Charlie, Cobblepot?”

„That's none of your fucking business, Gordon.”

„You are then. So obviously, you want to help her, because... She's too good for this situation, right? She doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve her. You want to help her out, maybe you're even hoping she'll leave him for you...”

„What's your point?”, Oz interrupted him, feeling way more uneasy than he'd like to admit.

„I'll be blunt: we both want the same things for two very different people. I'm of course talking... About Oswald.” Gordon finally announced, his voice cracking just a bit. „I love your cousin, Cobblepot. And he's in the same exact shit as Charlie, it's just... A bit less obvious. And I want you to help me get him out of it. In exchange... I can help you with Charlie. I have classes with Spencer. I can work him. Get a confession out of him.”

„And what if I refuse? Will you just... Leave Charlie? In this bullshit?”

„She still has you, doesn't she? But the question is... If your gentle pushes will be enough to wake her up.”

„Are you expecting me to befriend Nygma?”

„What? No, this is out of question. He knows you're Oswald's cousin, he'll never open up to you. No, I want you to employ your less personal skills. Oh, stop making that face, of course everyone knows you've been stealing files.”

They were standing on the empty sidewalk, facing each other; Gordon seemed to be perfectly, unnaturally calm and Oz was still shaking from thinly veiled fury that was making his blood boil.

„We can get confessions out of Spencer and Nygma. We can make Charlie and Oswald face the facts. We can help them make the right decision. We can... We can help them. Ruin the illusion.”

„Fuck. Fine.” Oz repeated, feeling infuriatingly helpless. „Fine. Deal. I'll see what I can find. Maybe he said something to one of his weird friends. I'm still going to try to talk some sense into Charlie though.”

„She won't listen, but fine, have it your way.” Gordon said politely and turned around, ready to leave.

„Hey, Gordon.”

„Yeah?”

„I'm not doing this for you, yeah? I'm only doing this for her.”

„And here I thought you actually care about your cousin.” Jim said mockingly, walking away. „Go home, Cobblepot. Oswald's worried sick.”

He disappeared behind the corner, leaving Oz alone with his thoughts and an overwhelming desire to spill some blood.

*** He next saw Charlie next week, when he was paying Vicki a visit with some beer and sadness. Charlie was there and she was about to leave and he really, really wished she'd stay.

She looked as chipper as always and seemed to be genuinely surprised when he put his hand on her shoulder when they were in the corridor.

„Is everything alright, Charlie?” he asked, looking into her – blue, blue, blue – eyes.

„What do you mean?” she nervously replied,  nervously pressing her bag to her chest.

„With you and Harry. Is everything okay? Because I'm here if you need to vent. If he's... Not treating you right.”

For a moment he was sure she's going to crack. That she's going to let her feelings out. That this was all it took to solve the problem-

but instead she only furrowed her brows and pursed her lips.

„My relationship is my own, Oz.” she said sharply. „Mind your business.”

And just like that she turned around and left, leaving him alone and heartbroken.

„Wow. Real smooth.” Vicki said mockingly, walking out of the kitchen. „See? That's why I don't take dating tips from you.”

„I just want to help her.” he said, setting his beer-filled bag down.

„Then at least be smart about it. Have you talked to Gordon?”

„Yeah. And he told me the same exact thing.”

„But you're not going to listen since it's coming from him, so let me be your voice of reason. Be smart about it, Oz. She doesn't want your help. Make her want it. Make her realize she needs it.”

It all sounded simple and doable, but the truth was – he had no idea how to get around to doing it. How could she not see everything's wrong? How could she not see this is not how she should be treated?

(Even putting his own way of treating her aside – there were still other people. Oswald. Louise. Her other friends he didn't really know all that well. They were all treating her with kindness, because she never did anything to deserve anything less – so why couldn't she see Harry isn't giving her what she deserves?)

But, alas – he tried. Next time he saw her neither of them mentioned her sudden, short-lived outburst; she was all smiles and oh!s again, all charm and bubbliness. He learned his lesson from that one time though, and didn't try to openly talk about it again – at least not with her.

(He talked about her a lot behind her back, mostly with Vicki and Oswald; and Oswald seemed to agree that this situation is bullshit. He even promised to try to talk sense into her, as a friend, as someone who knew her considerably better than Oz.)

Watching Charlie – and remembering every fucking word Harry said to her – made Oz notice a few things about his cousin. He always knew something is up with Nygma; but he never really thought about it, believing his cousin knows what's best for him. He was of Cobblepot bloodline, after all – but their frequent night discussions almost made him look at Oswald the same way Gordon was probably looking at him.

(He and Gordon were in touch, which was weird and felt wrong, but they had to. One time, when Gordon was being particularly annoying with his pestering Oz over his lack of progress in going through Nygma's files, Oz outright asked him what does he see in his cousin?

„I don't know. What do you see in Charlie?” Jim then asked in return.

„She's just... Good. She's gentle. And beautiful.” he said, not sure why is he being so honest with Gordon of all people.

„Here's your answer then.”

For once in his life Oz felt like he has something in common with Jim Gordon.)

Not even once did Oz as much as consider confessing his feelings to Charlie. There was no point in doing so – he was damn sure only she only sees him platonically. The almost-kiss was often on his mind; but that night she was distraught. Maybe slightly drunk (though her breath didn't smell of alcohol and her eyes were clear); and she never sygnalized any attraction to him.

(He knew damn well he's handsome and he knew damn well about his bad boy charm. Didn't seem to be working on her though.)

*** Two months had passed since his late-night conversation with Gordon. Their weird pact was seemingly going nowhere – Oz couldn't find anything on Nygma's drive and Gordon couldn't get anything out of Harry Spencer, despite putting his best douchebag face on.

(Louise, who was also a law student and saw this first-hand confirmed Gordon is really trying to befriend Harry for some reason. His efforts weren't entirely futile – Spencer did seem to be comfortable around Jim, comfortable enough for rape jokes and some slut shaming; but not comfortable enough for truth about his girlfriend. Not comfortable for anything Gordon didn't already know about.)

Oz was alone that night; Oswald was studying with Louise and Gordon at their place and Vicki was writing three papers at the same time. He was alone that night and only had his thoughts to accompany him and – as usual – Charlie entered the picture, all soft and pink and beautiful.

He was just indulging some of his wants (her skin under his fingers her fingers in his hair their breaths tangled together) when his phone buzzed on the table and he blindly picked up, sure it was Oswald with an emergency.

„Oz.” he heard Charlie say, and she sounded so tense and awkward and sad. „Am I interrupting?”

„...no.” he muttered, his hand still moving. „What's up?”

„Can... Can I come over?” she asked hesitantly. „I'm sorry, I know it's so sudden and you probably have plans, but-”

„No, it's not a problem. You can come.” he interrupted her hastily. „Oswald's not home though.”

„I know. I just... Want some company.”

(It almost sounded like she's settling for something less, but he didn't mind. He didn't mind being something less, if it meant being anything at all to her.)

„I can bring some muffins.” she added after a moment. „I'll be there... In an hour.”

„Sure.” he said, closing his eyes. „See you.”

(He had no remorse for jacking off during the call. She didn't know. It didn't influence her life in any way.)

When she showed up he was on the couch in the living room, reading. He took a shower and put on clean clothes; just for her.

„You hair's wet. Did you shower just for me?” she asked, entering the room. „I'm touched.”

„Everything for you.” he said, forcing himself to not look up from his book. „What brings you here?”

„Harry's out and I'm feeling lonely.” she said, sitting down in Oswald's favorite chair. „Are you sure I'm not interrupting anything?”

„You spend so much time here it doesn't even count as coming over anymore, you know. So no. You're not interrupting anything.”

He finally put his book down and looked at her; she looked sad.

„What's eating you?” he asked and she blinked at looked at him.

„What?”

„You look sad. What's eating you?”

„I guess I'm just tired. Long week.”

She wasn't telling him the truth, and he knew that; she was hiding something. But fine. He decided he's not going to push.

They ordered some food; he convinced her to give his favorite place – a small takeout bar ran by a very jolly, very Slavic family – a chance and she seemed to genuinely enjoy the bizzarre wonders of East European food. They binged Brooklyn 99 together – her choice, not his.

About halfway through the second season she turned around to face him. He only had a chance to notice her fingers trembling slightly, before she suddenly threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

That night she tasted like a weird mix of bubblegum, cherry coke and pierogi; and he didn't want to push her away, even though he knew he should. He didn't want the moment to stop.

He was on his back and she was on top of him, still kissing him, her fingers still trembling; and he could feel something warm and wet on his face.

Tears.

„Charlie?” he muttered, finally breaking the kiss. „You're crying.”

„I know, dumbass.” she said, tears still streaming down her face and falling on his. „Sorry.”

„Hey.” he said softly, slowly sitting up, forcing her to back up a bit. „We should talk.”

„No, I should leave.” she said, averting his eyes. „I... I don't know what happened. Sorry.”

„Don't lie to me.” he blurted out without thinking. „Please. Not to me.”

She finally looked at him and he handed her a tissue and she wiped her tears and then... Then she started talking.

„I'm sorry.” was the first thing she said. „This isn't right. This isn't right, but it's just how I feel. I know a person can love two people at once, I know, but you and Harry... You two are so different.”

(Yeah, obviously – Oz thought – one's not a COMPLETE douchebag.)

„I just... I don't know. Can I be blunt?”

„Of course.”

„You're on my mind a lot lately.” she blurted out, looking embarassed. „When I'm alone. Or not. I think you're hot. And it's been on my mind... A lot. When I'm around you... I feel things I don't feel when I'm around Harry.”

„What do you feel around him?” he asked quietly and she only smiled and shook her head.

„My relationship's my own, Oz. Remember?”

„Yeah, well, it seems like I just became a part of it, want it or not.”

She closed her eyes and sighed and when she opened them again, she looked surprisingly peaceful, even though there were still faint trails of tears on her cheeks.

„Do you think Harry's bad for me?” she finally asked and his heart stopped for a moment.

„Is that a trick question?” he asked carefully.

„Maybe.”

„And do you want me to be honest?”

„I'm not expecting anything less. Not from you. You've always been honest with me.”

„Then yes.” he said finally, giving up on trying to uphold the facade. „I think he's bad for you.”

„Funny thing... I've been thinking exactly the same.”

„Wait, what?” he asked, not fully comprehending what just happened.

She gave him a sad smile and shook her head.

„I love him, but I don't think he loves me. I don't feel loved. I don't feel appreciated. I don't feel wanted. I only feel... Lonely. Useless. Like a prop. A thing. And do you know on whose attention I always could count? Who never failed to make me feel less terrible, who complimented me on my cooking, who kept their eyes on me?”

„No.” he said softly, despite already knowing the answer.

„You. You did. All this time, all these months... You've been filling this void. Just because. Without asking for anything in return.”

(She wasn't entirely right, but he wasn't going to correct her.)

„But why me, specifically? There are other people. You and Oswald seem close.”

„Oz, don't play dumb. I know the truth. Oswald told me.”

„WHAT?”

„We got sad drunk once. I said... I said I wish you saw me the way I see you. And Oswald... Oswald then just looked me, his eyes wide open, like he just heard the most outrageous thing ever, and just said YOU DON'T KNOW?”

(How did his cousin know? How did he figure it out?)

„I know you have feelings for me.” she whispered, putting her hand on his. „I know. And I think... This is what kept me going.”

„Are you going to break up with Harry?”

„I can't.” she replied after a long silence. „I... I don't know how. I don't know if I want to. I keep telling myself... He'll change. For the better.”

„How many times, Charlie? How many times have you told yourself that?”

„I lost count.” she said quietly. „After every argument. Every... Every threat. Every word. But I still love him. I can't just leave him. But I also... I think I also love you. Will you judge me if I stay with him?”

„It's not safe for you. If he'll find out...”

„He won't. Besides... I know I can count on you. Right?”

She brushed his knuckles with her index finger.

„Right.” he said quietly. „So... What about us? What does it make me?”

„Kiss me.” she said instead of actually answering. „It's been so long... Kiss me. Kiss me like I've been imagining you would.”

„Yeah? How exactly?” he asked, giving in, pulling her closer. „Do you want me to be gentle? Rough?”

„Take your pick.” she muttered in response. „Both will work.”

He kissed her gently, tenderly; he could feel her fingers in his hair, on his back, on his shoulders. He didn't want to let her go, not after all these months. And he didn't want to think about what will happen when the sun rises and she'll come back home, to Harry; he was sure they'll find a way to fix this mess, to get her out of it.

(He wanted to message Gordon right here, right now, to tell him Charlie's been aware of everything, to tell him all his efforts to befriend Spencer were actually for nothing).

They only kissed that night, but it was enough. They had time.

*** It took her a month to break up with Harry Spencer, a long, surprisingly painful month. They never mentioned anything to other people; no pet names, no small, casual displays of affection. Just in case. Just to be careful. They were doing a great job at hiding, at only brushing lips when no one was around, at only calling each other „love” when nobody could hear it – but eventually, the truth came out.

Thankfully, it came out to their friends at first. She asked him if he can pick her from appointment at a tattoo parlor and drop her off at a cafe, where she was going to meet Louise; he naturally agreed, saying she can repay him in kisses or muffins, because good god, he loved her muffins.

But she never showed up and wasn't picking up her phone; and when he called Louise to ask if she has any idea what's going on he heard Charlie's in Gordon's room. She showed up on their doorstep, crying, sobbing, and refused to say what's going on, so they wrapped her in a blanket and waited for her to calm down a bit.

„At some point she just... Dozed off.” Louise muttered to him. „And now she's sleeptalking. Something about Harry... And something about you. Jim asks if there's something you want to tell us.”

There was nothing he wanted to tell them – but there was something he had to tell them.

That was the first time he heard Jim Gordon lose his composure.

„ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” Gordon roared at him through the phone. „FUCK!”

„Hey, our arrangement's still a thing. I'm keeping my end of the deal.”

„How could you do this to her?! Do you have ANY IDEA what kind of danger you're putting her in?!”

„She initiated everything!”

„And you're a grown ass man! Why didn't you just say no?!”

„Oh, fuck off, you hypocrite, don't think I didn't see you and Oswald making out in the kitchen two weeks ago. You're the last person who has any right to judge me. Now give Louise her phone back.”

„You made out with her?” Louise said immediately after getting her phone back. „Wow, Cobblepot. Just wow.”

„Look, as for now I'm her side boyfriend. That's just the way things are. How is she?”

„Bad. That was a regular breakdown.”

„Any idea what triggered it?”

„I have two theories. One – Harry threw a hissy fit again. Two – she feels like she's using you.”

„Both equally grim. Should I come over?”

„Heavens, no. She's in good hands. You... Just go home. Oz!”

„What?”

„You're not going to cheat on her, are you?”

„I'm going to say it once. I've been stuck with a serious fucking case of emotional blueballs for months. Months. I'm not going to fuck this up. Have some faith in me, wouldn't you?”

„Fine. I'm calling Vicki.”

(Vicki called him twenty minutes later, but he was on his bike, so he called her back after reaching his building. She picked up and the first thing he heard was her laughter.

„You fucker!” she eventually said. „I knew you'd do it!”

„Always glad to hear how supportive you are.” he said dryly, looking for his keys. „What did Louise tell you?”

„Everything, Oz. Everything, you little homewrecker.”)

All in all, they took it rather well – especially Oswald, who seemed to be genuinely happy for them and very concerned about Charlie's situation.

(When listening to his cousin's excited chatter he kept wondering if Jim already heard what he heard. If Oswald told him about not feeling loved and about Jim filling some void.)

But their friends knowing wasn't an issue. He knew their friends and he knew nothing will get back to Harry – especially not from Gordon, who was suffering through every minute of trying to get closer to Spencer. No, the truth came out in a way nobody expected – Spencer figured it out by itself.

It was a late Saturday evening when Oswald's phone rang.

„Oh! Charlie's calling.” he said an Oz only muttered something in response, busy fixing a paragraph in a paper he was supposed to submit in few hours.

Few moments later Oswald – even more pale than usual – shook Oz's arm violently, turning his phone's volume all the way up.

„What?!” Oz asked with annoyance, but quickly understood. Charlie called Oswald during an argument with Harry – and things were getting ugly.

He went through her phone when she wasn't looking. He went through her phone and found her texts and their discord chat and Oz thanked god Charlie was sensible enough to delete the photo she sent him earlier that week; her freckled skin looked beautiful in the morning sunlight and her black lace bra almost costed him his good composure in class.

„I'm going there.” he said shortly, getting up, walking towards the door. „Call Gordon. Tell him to get a car ready.”

Just like last time, Gordon was waiting for him on the street; but this time he didn't stop him.

„What is going on?” he asked instead. „Oswald didn't give me any details.”

„I'm getting Charlie out of here. And I need you... To stop me from killing Harry Spencer.”

„You picked a wrong man for the job, mate. I want to kill him myself.”

„Tough shit.” Oz said, entering the building. „You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. I can stop you from killing Nygma.”

„What, you found something on him?”

„I've been tracking his online activity and I got something Oswald's definitely not gonna like. It might open his eyes though.”

„Great. But now, let's focus on why we're here.”

The elevator dinged and the doors opened and they were standing right in front of the door leading to Charlie and Harry's place.

„Use that stick you got up your ass as a moral compass, Gordon.” Oz said, opening the door without knocking. „Anyone home?”

Spencer wasn't expecting them, they took him by surprise; after a moment he was lying on the floor and Oz was on top of him, his fingers around Spencer's neck.

„Cobblepot, this is enough.” Gordon said eventually, pushing him away. „Leave him to me. You go get her.”

Charlie locked herself in a bathroom and Oz could hear her muffled sobs from behind the door.

„Babe?” he asked carefully, not sure what to do. „Can I come in?”

„Is Harry alive?” she asked in return and he sighed and glanced at a – seemingly unconcious – Spencer, guarded by slighly annoyed Jim Gordon.

„Yeah.” he said. „What, do you want me to change that? It can be arranged.”

„No!” she replied instantly and he heard her unlocking the door. „I don't want you to get in trouble.”

The door opened and he took a step back and she left the bathroom and he instantly felt his blood boil at the sight of her giant black eye.

„Don't kill him.” she repeated, awkwardly trying to cover the mark with her hair. „Don't... Don't look at me.”

„Can I take you home?” he asked, his fists shaking. „I'm not leaving you with him.”

„Can I pack my stuff? He's... He's going to wreck it. I know it. He told me.”

„Take your time.” Gordon said, still sitting next to Spencer. „If you go with him, I'm sure everything will fit inside my car.”

They hastily packed her things – mostly books and clothes and an outstanding amount of kitchen utensils – and put them all in Gordon's car.

In the meantime, Harry Spencer was slowly starting to wake up.

„What the...” he muttered, trying to get up, but was instantly and firmly stopped by Gordon.

„You fucked up.” Gordon told him calmly, despite not being calm at all. „Big time.”

„Gordon?” Spencer muttered, trying to figure out what's going on. „Bro. What the fuck?”

„I'm not your bro, Spencer. Never was. You guys done?” he asked, looking up at Charlie and Oz, who were moving another bag full of stuff.

„Almost.” Oz replied, effortlessly lifting the heavy bag off the floor and in the background Charlie laughed quietly and asked if he's going to pick her up as well.

„Anytime, babe. Anytime.” he then said nonchalantly and walked past Spencer who was slowly piecing things together.

„You fucking cunt.” he said quietly, angrily as Charlie was walking past him.

„If I were you, I'd watch your tongue, Spencer.” Oz said calmly, squatting next to him with a knife in his hand. „You might lose it.”

„You wouldn't dare.”

„Oh, but I would. And it'd be the greatest pleasure, to cut you into small pieces. But Charlie asked me to not hurt you, so...”

„Do you think she's in love with you, Cobblepot?”

„Doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm going to keep an eye on you, Spencer. So you better watch yourself.”

„Are we done here?” Gordon asked, getting up.

„Almost.” Oz said, not taking his eyes away from Harry's face. „Wait for me outside.”

„What? No! I have one job here and I'm not going to fuck it up.”

„I'm not going to kill him, Gordon. I just want to have a friendly little chat with him. Imagine... There's someone else on the floor.”

„You know damn well that if it was Nygma I'd be the one with the knife. But fine. Have it your way.”

Oz joined them a few minutes later, putting his knife back in his pocket. Charlie didn't notice it, as she was facing the other way; Gordon only raised his eyebrows and shook his head with solemn disapproval.

„So, let's go. We need to put some ice on this eye.”

„You can always kiss it better.” Charlie said hesitantly. „I guess... This is the end.”

„I hope so. You're not going back to him, are you?”

„He hit me. He... He tried to...”

„Do you want me to chop his dick off? It can be arranged.”

„I just want to go home. Can I stay with you and Oswald for a while? I need to call my parents. Figure it out with them.”

„You can stay as long as you want to.” he said softly, handing her his spare helmet. „You can stay forever. We'll figure it out. It's not like money's any problem for any of us.”

„Can we go now?” Gordon asked impatiently, ruining the mood. „I have some stuff to do.”

Back home – where Oswald was waiting, all anxiety and stress and questions – he made her waffles, just the way she liked them. He – gently, carefully – kissed her black eye and put some cold compress on it.

„Hey, Oz?” she said eventually, as they were on a couch, her head on his lap, his fingers in her hair. „I love you.”

„And I love you, beautiful stranger.”

She laughed and he knew that she's going to be alright, one way or another.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie

21/02/2017

Charlie, I feel like its gonna get really bad again. I feel unwanted, even by the persons who I know love me. I have exams this week. I passed two and still have two to pass tomorrow morning. I honestly have no clue abt what they’re abt. I dont even have the energy to get my ass off and try to study at least one subject of ‘em. Today I met an old friend of mine.Its been 5 years since I first known him. I like our friendship coz we can go on not talking for months but once we do its perfect again. We met at the gym after almost a year or more of not seeing each other. I enjoyed every single minute of his company and laughed quite hard. We talked abt our bf/gf, discussed stuff like our plans, shared our mind abt sexuality and relationships. We talked openely and honestly and it felt good, than I walked with him to his place which is like 4 miles away from the gym but we didnt really mind it. When he arrived he stopped for me a taxi and got back home. He said he’d love to date someone like me and that he really likes me, and that I have a perfect body shape. This was flattering. I met with my bf later on this day. I was playing with his phone when I found some flirty discussions of him and other girls. I got really mad. I dont mind him talking to other ppl coz I aint a psycho whos willing to trap him alone but I hated the fact that he was hiding it from me. We sat on a coffee-shop and he bought me ice cream. I couldnt even eat it and felt like crying but nothing came out. He was already mad at me for being late so it was intense btw us. I talked to him abt it later and he assured me and we laughed abt it, but this didnt change a thing. I asked him for a break. I dont why the fuck I did that. He refused at first but then I said I needed it to get my shit together and he agreed. He said he wont be talking to me at all for a week. I told him it was okay to talk to each other if we want to but he refused. Thinking back to it I think he was hurt. I love him, Charlie. I really do, in my own fucked ways. I changed my mind when he drove me home, but I feel like absolute shit. I feel so lonely and sad and distant from him. I want to leave this place. I dont mean dying but just kinda sleeping for a month. A coma will be fine too. Dont mind me please. Thank u for listening.

A.J

[clamjumper5-blog]

A Healthy Hedonist’s Guide to Paris: Gluten-Free Eats + Sights in the City of Love

Paris has been a gluten-free beacon of love and carbs for us over the last two years.

I’m usually not that into Hallmark holidays, but last year, for whatever reason, when Charlie told me he’d be traveling on Valentine’s Day, I got a little diva-like pit in my stomach.

I pictured myself sitting alone watching Sandra Bullock reruns with a 3-course meal of matcha truffles, modestly-priced steak, and salted caramel pudding. Then I immediately moved on to a superior alternative that made me a lot less sad: having dinner with my OG Valentine, my dad.

I don’t know why I cared so much about doing something special last year, when on most other Valentine’s Days my preference is to avoid prefix menus like the plague and do nothing at all. But I’m sure it had something to do with all the book-related work that left me craving an evening of being coddled and pampered. Other sugar daddy to the rescue!

The biggest reason I can’t give Charlie a hard time is because for my birthday this year, he already showered me with the most romantic gift a girl could ask for: a long weekend trip to Paris. Had he pulled that super Romeo move on me on February 14th, I probably would have rolled my eyes and barfed a little in my mouth (diva!). But in November it was the perfect gift. And come December, when we finally woke up on the tarmac of Charles de Gaulle airport, it was the beginning of the most make-out and food-filled trip I’ve taken in adult life.

(see?)

Paris is the city of love, yes. But for me it’s always held memories of a different type of romance. Back when I was three years old, my OG Valentine (along with my mom) moved our small nuclear family across the Atlantic for a few years. We lived a stone’s throw from Les Invalides on the Right Bank, which I used to call the Emerald City because of its gold dome and sprawling Oz-like greenery.

So my favorite moments of our trip were not the pounds of steak frites or kisses shared under the Eiffel Tower, it was getting to share all those childhood fragments with Charlie as we covered the city on foot from end to end, having him humor me as we played the game my mother and I always used to play of guessing what color the seats would be at the following metro stop, and humoring me even further when I wanted to take us another mile out of the way to relive what a chocolate eclair tasted like in gluten-free form.

Speaking of being gluten-free in Paris, it’s a lot easier than it used to be. I’ve included some of the recommendations below, but just know that like in the States, not every loaf of GF bread is created equal. Take a detour to Chambelland early in your trip and buy a loaf and carry it in your purse for the rest of your stay. I tried the ones at Eric Kayser, No Glu and Helmet Newcake and they weren’t as good. This is key, because you’re going to need something to soak up all that restaurant butter.

If that’s recommendation 1.a. for the GF folks. 1.b. for the rest of you is to balance your trip with a mix of old and new. You’ll see in the itinerary I laid out below that I didn’t give you a back-to-back bistro highlight reel. There’s some incredibly inventive cuisine happening in Paris right now that is worth taking a break from cassoulet and soupe l’oignon for. Plus, if you eat on the healthier end at home, you will burn out from this particular French brand of hedonism very quickly. Pace yourself, folks.

My last recommendation is to walk as much as you can. It’s truly the best way to see the city. We managed to log 10 miles a day! Pack your shoes accordingly, and bring a second pair, since you will inevitably get blistered from your first. We loved the little AirBNB we stayed in on the 5th floor of a immeuble in the 9th, even if it meant many more blisters walking up all those stairs!

This time around, it was definitely a sobering experience for us bourgeois lovers of Parisian oat milk to experience the Gilet Jaunes lighting the city on fire literally and figuratively with their anger. You can see some of the scenes below, juxtaposed of course with my favorite 3 euro macarons. Needless to say, I couldn’t feel more grateful for the life I was born into that allows me to see the world, and savor every morsel.

Just being able to reminisce about this trip feels like a gift. And let me just say for all my Galentine’s: you don’t need a date to have the most glorious time in Paris. My last two trips 7 years ago and in college were both solo, and I had an equally magical weekend reading, wandering and day drinking in cafes.

Read on for my favorite gluten-free finds and ways to spend a long weekend in the city of luuuuurve.

From one healthy, Francophile hedonist, to another,

Xoxo Phoebe

THE BEST PARIS FOOD DESTINATIONS (& WHAT TO EAT IF YOU’RE GLUTEN-FREE)

Afternoon

*Breizh Cafe, The Marais.

This was our first food stop in Paris, after fighting our jetlag to make it through two floors of the Pompidou Center on an empty stomach. Needless to say, I was extremely hangry by the time we arrived at this little gem in the Marais, and almost had a meltdown when we were told there was no table available. Luckily, the maître d’ took pity on us silly Americans and found us two seats next door at the small to-go shop. We actually got the better experience, I think. As we waited for our gluten-free buckwheat crepes to arrive, we sipped a carafe of their in-house hard cider and drooled over all the delicate tins of sardines, cases of smoked meats, rich butters and countless products made from the restaurant’s signature buckwheat. Just make sure to read the back of the packages, as many of the pastas and crisps also include wheat flour. As for my order, I went with the special, which included cured duck, mushrooms and comte. But you can’t go wrong with the complet.

L’As du Falafel, The Marais.

Back when I could eat gluten, this was a very necessary stop when visiting the old Jewish quarter of the Marais. The streets are worth visiting anyway, as the trendy boutiques suddenly tapper off into a jam-packed block of Judaica. The falafel is the best in the city, but they also have schwarma for the GF folk.

Miznon, The Marais

Down the street from all the falafel shops in the Jewish corner, is this Israeli outpost with creative spins on classic sandwiches. The lamb pita is excellent, but they will also do any of their sandwiches as a plate for the GF folk. I got the beef bourgingnon, which is not something I would think to try at an Israeli restaurant, but their take on it was incredibly light and flavorful, especially with a dousing of green sauce on top. The highlight for healthy-minded folks is the whole charred cauliflower, which emerges still attached to its leaves and roots. New Yorkers: you can also find a stand in Chelsea Market, but it’s not the same as the original.

Chambelland, 10th.

This gluten-free bakery was the only place I found that did French bread the right way. It had the same crispy exterior and tangy sourdough flavor that characterizes the best of the table baskets. Get a loaf to-go, or simply enjoy a tuna sandwich or square of focaccia (tomato-olive is amazing) as a mid-afternoon snack. Also, get a bag of the mini financiers.

Helmut Newcake, 1st.

In addition to being the best-named patisserie in all the land, Helmut Newcake has the type of highfalutin pastries that make you think you’re staring at a jewelry case—and they’re all gluten-free! It was such a treat to get to have a chocolate eclair after all these years. The chocolate chip cookie is also insanely buttery and decadent.

Claus, 1st.

Breakfast isn’t as much of a “thing” in France as it is in the states. Usually, people just grab a croissant and cafe on the go. One morning when we were craving eggs, we ended up at this cute spot near our hotel. Honestly, the breakfast was pretty underwhelming. But it’s worth a visit for the gluten-free green tea financiers, which were the most delicious treat of the trip. Had we done it over, I would have saved my breakfast for when we visited Canal St. Martin (see below).

Holybelly, Canal St. Martin.

We didn’t manage to squeeze in some eggs or black rice porridge from Holybelly, but walked around the cool and quaint surrounding area of Canal St. Martin, where there are a bunch of up-and-coming juice bars (Bob’s) and gluten-free cafes (Ten Belles) popping up. This is definitely the neighborhood to go to if you want a break from butter. And I loved capturing the heart-shaped lock picture above.

Hotel L’Amour, 10th.

This hotel restaurant has a quaint fashionable interior with a beautiful garden to sit outside in warmer months. It’s an excellent spot for brunch, with a whole array of vegetarian options. The vegan butternut squash soup was delicious, as was the poulet roti and plate of scrambled eggs.

Ellsworth, 1st.

This brunch spot has all the usual Southern fixtures—French toast, fried chicken, duck hash—but they’re prepared in a distinctly French way. The hash was a gluten-free favorite of mine, and I also loved the beet salad with homemade light-as-air Greek yogurt.

Au Petit Tonneau, 7th.

We wandered into this little neighborhood gem during our day of exploring the right bank, as we made our way from Musee D’Orsay to go make-out under the Eiffel tower. It was everything we wanted in a bistrot: small tables, chalkboard menus, old ladies ordering whole bottles of wine at 2pm, and husband and wife waiters, who took breaks in between busing our tables to enjoy a bite of lunch with their family at the back table. The most notable dish here is the veal stew, which is served over cardamom scented rice. Unfortunately, it’s thickened with flour (hey-ho France), but I snuck a small taste of the sauce and it was mind-blowing. Equally good (and gluten-free): the escargot, salad Paysenne with thick lardons, and the sautéed scallops.

Le Comptoir de la Mer, 6th

The two small bars next to one another, one dedicated to seafood, the other to meats, are a fun concept based on basque-style pintxos, where you order small plate after small plate, standing up, before heading to the next joint and doing the same. I love that they serve butter in a giant ball on the counter that you can scrape off to your heart’s content.

Pierre Herme, 6th

Perhaps the most famous macaron purveyor in Paris, Pierre lives up to all the hype. The cookies are light and tender, while the filling isn’t too sweet. More importantly, they offer a variety of surprising and creative combinations. My favorite was the half raspberry, half pistachio, and the pomegranate and cream.

NoGlu, 6th

As I mentioned above, I was not overly blown away by the bread at this gluten-free cafe. Still, it’s a nice place to grab a sandwich, and if you’re craving a croque monsieur, theirs certainly hits the spot. I’ve also heard good things about their quiche and madeleine’s, but generally prefer chambelland and helmet newcake for GF goodies.

Evening

Le Grand Bain, 9th

The menu changes daily at this veg-centric small plates joint. The chef is young and inventive, but also can turn out French classics like moules with aioli that rival the best bistros in town. They were willing to adapt almost the whole menu to be gluten-free and also had plenty of vegan options. Besides the moules, my favorite dish was the broccoletti with caviar. Charlie could not resist the fois gras stuffed quail.

Balagan, 1st

We went for lunch at this upscale Israeli restaurant near The Louvre, but it’s chic design and cool lounge in back would make it even better as a nighttime destination. The kale salad with turmeric aioli and Mediterranean take on steak frites (both GF!) were fabulous. The waitstaff was also very knowledgable about my allergy.

Le Villaret, 10th

Right down the street from Chambelland, is this classic bistrot that serves up impeccably cooked steak and other French fare. It’s been renovated to be slightly more modern on the interior, but still feels homey and cozy. It’s a great option for a casual, yet refined meal that’s unfussy and worth the price tag.

Bistrot Paul Bert, 11th.

Though a bigger operation than Tonneau, it doesn’t get more classic than this French institution. It’s a little off the beaten path, but worth a visit for a traditional meal of all the things you came to France for: sole meuniere, steak frites and soufflés. Gluten-free folk are good to go on the steak and fries and simple butter-soaked scallops in their shell, but sadly have to sit out dessert. My favorite part of our meal is that they decanted our wine into a giant wine glass, which made for some wonderful photo opps. I’m pretty sure they stuck us in the front room with all the other English speakers for this very reason.

Le Clown Bar, 10th.

This was both Charlie and my favorite meal in Paris. I was skeptical at first, as I’m not one to opt for trends or novelty over the classics (in Paris, no less). But this meal was truly the most inventive and delicious one I’ve had in any city in recent memory. Much to my surprise, the highlight of the night—in addition to the whole pigeon that arrived talons-on, and still smoking on a plate—was the bowl of brains. As you can see above, they did very little to distract or disguise the main ingredient, which I suppose is what good French cooking is all about. The texture was similar to tofu, and combined with a delicate dashi broth, each spoonful melted in your mouth. It’s best to get a reservation in advance, but there’s a great little hipster cocktail bar around the corner called Bespoke if you have to wait.

Le Relais de Entrecote, 6th

An institution with locations in New York and London, this steak and frites chain never disappoints. And somehow, there’s nothing like the real thing in Paris. It’s also a perfect venue for celiacs, since the famous secret sauce is gluten-free and there’s nothing else on the menu but salad, steak and fries, so the fryer is also fair game. Save room for dessert, as their sundaes are legendary!

Le Servan, 12th.

I loved the neighborhood vibe of this place, which made me feel like we were back in Brooklyn. The food was simple, elegant and if I’m being honest, slightly underwhelming. We ended up here because of this Eater list, which said that the clams were one of the best dishes in Paris. Unfortunately, said clams had soy sauce in them (wah wah). Add it to your list if you want to check out a new neighborhood that’s more residential and bohemian. The one dish that really stood out and was worth returning for was the scallop with butterscotch. The menu changes daily, though, so perhaps we just ordered wrong.

Cocktail Hour

Le Mary Celeste, The Marais

If you’re looking for a great spot to grab oysters or deviled eggs before or after dinner, this divey spot in the Marais is it. Compared to most cocktail bars in Paris, this one is a nice mix of tourists and locals.

Le Syndicat, 9th

Another small cocktail bar with creative drinks, including one with kombucha and cucumber that I enjoyed.

The Hemingway Bar, 1st

If you like 30 euro cocktails in a lavish setting, nothing gets more classic than this hideaway in the back of The Ritz. Go early and put your name down. Be prepared to take out a second mortgage to cover your martini.

Le Meurice, 1st

Slightly easier to get into than Hemingway, and equally expensive drinks in ornate surroundings. Charlie swears by a lunch time burger here as well.

ITINERARY: AN IDEAL LONG WEEKEND IN PARIS

If you have an extra day, the Louvre is an obvious must. It’s so ginormous though that we chose to cross many of the smaller museums off our list and spend more time walking between neighborhoods. Another favorite that we didn’t fit into this itinerary is Sacre Coeur, which has an unparalleled view of the city at sunset and is a fun neighborhood to grab a pre-dinner glass of wine. Definitely go if you have one more night. Also, it should be noted that we went to Paris in December. If it’s warm out, a meat and cheese picnic in the Tuileries or Jardin du Luxembourg is also a must. But the gardens around the Louis Vuitton Foundation are also beautiful for a picnic or romp.

Friday, the Marais + Left Bank >>Start the day at the Pompidou center and explore the contemporary and modern collections >>Spend the afternoon exploring the Marais neighborhood; stop into Merci for home goods and decor, and wander the shops and boutiques. >>Have an early lunch of gluten-free buckwheat crepes at Breizh, along wtih a cup of one of their hard ciders (you’re in Europe, after all!). >> Pop into Musee National Picasso >> Grab a mid-afternoon snack at L’As du Fallafel or Miznon >> GF folks should make a detour to the 10th to grab a midafternoon snack at Chambelland, along with a loaf of gluten-free bread for the rest of the trip >>Head to dinner at Bistrot Paul Bert or Le Villaret for an authentic Parisian experience with all the typical fixings. You’ll be too buttered out by day 3 to handle this.

Saturday, the Right Bank >>Start the day at Musee D’Orsay to take in the vast impressionist collection and early work of Manet and Van Gogh. >>Wander through Napoleon’s old stomping grounds, Les Invalides (with optional detour to either the Musee De L’Armee or the Rodin Museum around the corner) >>Stop for lunch at Au Petit Tonneau for a classic red gingham tablecloth meal of escargot, salad Paysenne and veal stew. >>Continue walking off your meal to the Eiffel Tower for your requisite photo opp. >> Either pop in for more contemporary art at Palais de Tokyo, or metro back to the St. Germain-des-Pres area and enjoy a cafe at a one of the old literary haunts – Les Deux Maggot or Cafe de Flore (touristy, but fun!).

>> Check out Musee de L’Arme for French firearms and battle garb or to say hey to Napoleon in his tomb >> You can also make a pit stop at Bon Marche for some foodie keepsakes >> Take a break from all the butter with some nouveau French cuisine at Le Clown Bar or Le Grand Bain. Get past the ick factor and order the brains—it’s a must. >>Have a nightcap at the Hemingway bar at the Ritz.

Sunday, Further Afield >>Start the day with a Franco-American brunch at Hotel L’Amour or Ellsworth (make a reservation in advance), or if you’re feeling overwhelmed by 48 hours of French food, a healthy bite at Holybelly, where you can also stroll by the water in Canal St. Martin. >>Venture further afield to check out the new Louis Vuitton foundation near jardin d’acclimatation, i.e. the coolest kid’s park that ever was. You can also swap this for a day at the Louvre. >>Enjoy a mid-day cafe and pastry at Helmut Newcakes, which has the best GF eclairs in Paris! >> Head home to wherever you came from, carrying all the shoes and baguettes you can fit in your carry-on.

READER RECS

I got a lot of recommendations from readers on gluten-free and healthy restaurants in Paris. Especially in the Marais and the 9th, there are a ton of Brooklyn-esque smoothie and avocado toast spots cropping up. I didn’t find many of them to be worth it, including Wild & The Moon, which is now a chain. Their GF scone and acai bowl were sub-par, if I’m being honest. The produce in France is better across the board, and I’d personally, much rather enjoy veggies in the context of butter, cooked simply and traditionally, doing what Paris does best, than another culture’s attempt at avocado toast. That said, I’m including the full list below in case you want to try any of them, along with some more restaurants that I’ve been dying to try but haven’t been able to get to!

Gluten-free restaurants and healthy cafes:

Sitron (GF bakery) Echo Deli Cafe Woodies Le Coulauncourt Maisie Cafe The Broken Arm Republique of Coffee Cuppa Cafe BigLove (GF pizza) Cafe Berry Cafe Mareva Cafe Mericourt (shakshouka) Jay and Joy (vegan cheeses!)

Nouveau French restaurants and wine bars: 

Vivant CAM Brutos Frenchie Clamato

***

Have any of you recently been to Paris? Any new or old haunts or must-see’s that I should add to my list for next time? I’m dying to go back! Let me know in the comments section

Source: https://feedmephoebe.com/healthy-hedonists-guide-paris-gluten-free-long-weekend-city-love/

[justjoeyyy-blog-blog]

Day 38-46

6-22-17 Day 38: the wedding got approved so I'll be leaving July 27! Only 1 week after rain which is nice. 6-23-17 Day 39: I have been super busy recently. I've been trying to get off the boat when I can and if I don't then I'm sleeping. Our supervisor leaves in 6 days 🙌🏾 sometimes she's actually okay and I feel bad for talking badly but then again she's terrible. I'm so sick of her ending every single sentence with "heh?" Rain and I say it all the time now as a joke because it's so ridiculous how much she does it. Last night new kids came on. We only had 2 girls come in for registration...so I was stuck with boys the entire night. I think 2 of them are gay though and they're both fun to talk to. I like having girls in the club though that I can talk to and stuff. We have a boy with autism in my club this cruise. He's high functioning but does many awkward things like sing out loud in full blast and his body movements. He was also getting upset at the wii and the wii remote so he started hitting it. He has a brother in there but he doesn't always see him getting mad. These people in the crew mess put gloves on and eat their food it's so weird. They like squish it all together and shove it in their mouths it's absolutely disgusting. I've never seen anything like it. Today me Rain and Britny went out in Ensenada to the shops. I bought tons of souvenirs. The people working there a re so annoying. If you don't bug me then I would love to go in your store. They just nag at you and cat call. Rain got some piercings too which was kinda sketchy but it's all good. Had to go to work for 2 hours and not a single kid showed up so I went to my room shhhhh. It's elegant night so I have to look nice. I'll be seeing the new cast perform divas as well which I'm excited for. Hopefully it's better than the rock show. 6-24-17 Day 40: the diva show last night was actually really good. Some of it even sounded better than the last cast. But still doesn't compare. Woke up this morning to the worst Charlie horse I've ever had. I was screaming so loud I'm surprised no one heard me. I wore wedges last night so maybe that's why I got it but that never happens to me. I barely have any kids this cruise. Finally we had a girl join us yesterday and another one today. So 2 girls and tons of boys. The boys are so funny though and always bring me stuff. One of them is really into himself though and the money he has. He gave me a fidget spinner though so that was nice! I asked him if I could have it though lol. He has like 10...and he also has numerous pairs of Yeezys (shoes) that are hundreds of dollars and some are even thousands. We have our new supervisor coming tomorrow. And then Carolina will leave after the next 4 day cruise I believe. I'm excited to meet the new supervisor and see how she changes things and how the vibe of work is. 6-25-17 Day 41: this week I'm in camp ocean. I asked my supervisor to schedule me earlier in the day because there's tons of trainings I have to do for Circle c and the training center isn't open when I'm off work. I just tried to go and do my training and the videos will not load. The lady said you have to give it time and patience and I did try but the stupid thing doesn't work. She said the internet sometimes works and sometimes doesn't and I just have to test my luck. But I got mad and left. And she's not a nice person either and I didn't feel like dealing with her. I got off at 7pm tonight which was amazing. I haven't had a single day where I could just relax and not have to set an alarm for the next thing I have to do. The new supervisor came today and it's her bday. I think we might all go to crew bar for it tonight. I had to do embarkation this morning and hand out flyers. These people are so stupid. The questions they ask are mind boggling. And the rudeness is taken to a whole new level. Workers have actually been getting better with the rudeness. Crew still sucks but certain staff members are very sweet and polite. 6-28-17 Day 44: I've been super busy and haven't had much time to write in here. There's been a lot going on and not that much sleep. I met a boy a little over a week ago and we've hung out everyday since. He says I'm his gf but not really sure what his definition of gf is. He's from Ukraine and speaks Russian. He's a very nice guy, it just makes me nervous getting to know someone and having to possibly say goodbye and never see each other again. But for now I'm having fun and we'll see. He tells me a lot about Ukraine. There's war going on there. He was in the army before he got this job. He said Ukraine is very expensive. He said a police officer makes $1000 a year and a teacher makes $100 a month. So technically he's considered rich because of all of the money he is making here in America. He thinks America is very cheap. He's taught me a little Russian but it's not going so well lol. His English has definitely improved since we met though. We use a translator if he doesn't understand. I've never noticed how much we use slang until I met him. I have to really think about what I'm saying before I say it. I got off at 7 tonight which was really nice. Some of these kids we have are so bad it's mind boggling. We had one kid going around hitting people, throwing stuff at them, and snatching toys from everyone. His dad did not care one bit. It's hard for me to comprehend how these children act so terrible and their parents don't do a damn thing about it. We've had lots of drama this cruise. One family in particular have filed over 10 complaints to carnival. Ranging from the music played in the night club, to someone making fun of her handwriting, and even that her daughter is being bullied. A lot of extra drama that causes many issues at camp because there's always someone to blame. I've been thinking a lot about what I wanna do with my next contract. If I do circle c I'll be on my own. I'll plan my own activities, play my own music, and be around teens that I can talk with. But I have the same schedule every week and get off at 1 every night. If I did camp I'd have a different schedule every week and I'd be working with other people. But that means changing diapers and having to deal with annoying screaming children. Getting off early is really great though and makes me feel like I actually have a life. I have a lot to think about. 6-29-17 Day 45: 28 days left. I jinxed myself by talking about my bf. Last night he came in my room to tell me they were sending him home early. As in today. I was a hysterical mess all night it was so sad. He assured me everything will be fine. But it's hard to believe when he's across the world and we can only communicate through an app. He said he wants to FaceTime and keep talking. He said I should ask my supervisor to send me to his next boat which he goes on august 29. He also said he would look into getting a travel visa to America and vise versa. I'm so heart broken. I haven't felt like this in so long. Everyone would say the way he treated me and the way he looked at me they could just tell how much he liked me. Always calling and wanting to see me. We would stay up and just talk for hours (well try to through the language barrier). It feels so weird being in my room alone without him. I don't know when he'll be able to talk next. He left cali today at 6. His flight is 10 hours to Europe and then a few to Ukraine. There's also a time change and he didn't sleep last night so I know that'll take a toll too. When he gets wifi he said he would add me on viber so we can talk but I just don't know when that will be. I'm honestly ready to come home now. He made this so much fun for me and made me so happy. I'm gonna have anxiety until we finally talk. And even then I'll still be freaking out. Wifi on the boat is terrible. It just makes me nervous. Now I have even more to think about when it comes to my next contract. Relationships on these boats are real, it just depends how much you actually want it to work or not. I haven't been able to think much of anything else. He kept telling me not to worry and be happy but it's hard. I'm happy he gets to go home to his family and dog though. 6-30-17 Day 46: Today was a better day than yesterday. Still waiting for him to message me on viber but I know it'll take some time. Work was good today. Had some trainings and got off at 6 which is so nice. I really think I'll do camp next contract rather than circle c. But we'll see on what options I have.