#choose your suffering

[snackugaki]

... welcome to “snackugaki openly plots murder” weekend

[ryuzumisama]

The Pale Elf

[mataglap]

seeing two patterns in Astarion romancer post-game headcanons.

those who haven't played DnD before: my Tav is going to die of old age and leave Astarion alone :(((

DnD players: of course they're both going to live for as long as they choose to. besides, Astarion is getting rid of the vampirism soon :)

[kuuhaiyu]

i understand the need to take breaks and pace yourself so you aren't overwhelmed. it's important to take care of yourself so you can keep going in the good fight. i myself usually catch up on news about once a day when i feel equipped for it. that said:

you're just going to ignore palestine for the next three months?

account settings literally already has what youre looking for so if you're set on doing this just use this feature and don't complain to other people about the fact that theyre keeping their eyes on palestine

[muninnhuginn]

The Anya-Twilight interaction in the middle of this chapter is pretty interesting.

The Anya side of this interaction seems clear enough in that she's trying to obfuscate when asked about her exposure to classical language. The fact we don't see her face as she claims she doesn't remember makes me think she very possibly *does*, but doesn't want to talk about it. And, of course, as I've seen pointed out already, her face when she's first asked is very reminiscent of how she looks in the recent 'Ania' short chapter. She has thoughts/feelings about her past and they've clearly affected her, but they're not for the audience to see yet.

However, the Twilight side of this? I'm a bit stunned at how obviously he does not want to be asking this question of Anya. We know he's considered there's some reason in her past for her knowledge of classical language. We know he's a chronic overthinker. Even last chapter, he was thinking of this, but didn't ask. Anya getting second place though basically removes any plausible deniability. If he doesn't ask now, he's neglecting his duty. But still, he has to work up to it, almost leaves the room before he decides to broach the topic, and when he does, he *mumbles* it. Twilight doesn't really *act* with Anya when it's just them. His mumbling is not an act; it's reluctance.

His reluctance to ask the question of Anya is, in some ways, more egregious than how easily he drops the topic once Anya claims she doesn't remember. Not pushing her further and bringing the topic up later is a valid tactic (and likely one we may see), but we can see that he knows there's more to it. Unlike the audience, he can see her face, after all. And for now, he's indicated he won't push further despite that knowledge. By choosing to back off and patting Anya instead, he's (in a very low-key way admittedly) prioritising Anya over the mission.

It's just so neat how this one interaction showcases so much about the both of them. It hammers in Anya's trauma about her past, without spelling it out in words, but at the same time, it shows how Twilight's approach to fatherhood vs his mission are coming increasingly into conflict. We've had something similar on a larger scale with the recent Yuri-mole arc, with his role as Yor's spouse vs the mission, but it's still playing out on a smaller scale in scenes like this. And it's fascinating how the mission isn't always the clear-cut winner anymore. Sure, early on, we had Twilight sabotaging the Eden entry interview, but that was a moment of passion inspired by his whole "not wanting children to cry" deal. In other words, fuelled by some of his own trauma. In the recent chapters though, he's had time to think and justify before he acts. But the pendulum is still swinging towards his family when given the chance.

[wild-at-mind]

I would honestly call the left's inability to accomodate people with morality-based OCD compulsions an accessibility issue at this point.

[hopelessromantic5]

It happened during a knighting ceremony of all places.

Sir Chester finally lasted longer than a minute in combat with the King, it was time to bring him into the fold.

It was all going rather smoothly. That is, until a witch appeared seemingly out of thin air, and lingered only long enough to aim a razor sharp dagger at the King’s heart.

It may have only been seconds. But that was as long as Merlin’s instincts ever took to kick in.

Unfortunately, Merlin did not, for the first time in his life, consider the repercussions of using magic before actually doing it. Maybe because it had been a while since Arthur was in the up-close-and-personal kind of danger, maybe because Merlin was caught off guard, the one time he sets his weight back on his heels to just take a breath, exist, and this happens.

The witches body slammed against the wall behind the king and fell to the ground, lifeless.

Just as the ‘thud’ sounded across the throne room, so did the sound of Excalibur leaving it’s sheath.

Merlin saw it coming, because he never took his eyes off Arthur.

Arthur was approaching slowly, with his sword pointed as far as it would go away from his body. An attachment to his arm, another limb, as it always had been. Merlin braced for what was coming.

What he didn’t expect was Leon of all people, alongside Lancelot, stepping between Merlin and the King of Camelot.

The sorcerer was stunned.

So, it seemed, was the King.

He narrowed his eyes at two of his most trusted knights, sword never wavering in it’s place, pointed directly at Merlin, still.

“You would choose Merlin over your sovereign?” Frustration was present in his tone but it gave no indication of what Arthur wanted the answer to be.

So, instead, Leon told the King the truth.

“No, sire. We would choose Merlin because you are our sovereign.” Arthur was taken more aback at that. “If we allowed any harm to befall Merlin, even by your own hand, you would never forgive us, Arthur.”

At once, Arthur knew Leon was right.

The fight left his body and the King’s sword, maybe for the first time in his life, fell from his weak grasp. Hitting the stone floor with a deafening clang.

“Everyone out.” Arthur finally said to the room at large. “Everyone but Leon and Lancelot, out.”

Arthur caught Merlin’s eye, his manservant already knew that he was expected to stay, as well. It would likely be his official trial.

Maybe Leon and Merlin both knew that Arthur would not harm his friend, but he was still the King and often felt he had to uphold the law regardless.

The rest of the knights that were in attendance for the ceremony began shuffling out of the throne room. Once again, Arthur’s voice rang out, halting them momentarily.

“If I hear a single word about what happened here today, trust that I will find its source.”

None of them trusted themselves enough to speak, they simply nodded and bowed before finally taking their leave.

When the door closed behind them, Arthur visibly deflated even further. The King slipping out of his shoulders, it was just Arthur.

Merlin braced himself for the bite. The other shoe to drop.

Finally his voice came, quiet and carefully balanced.

“I assume Lancelot knew.”

“Only because he was close enough to see it for himself, I never told him.” Merlin answered, trying to make Arthur understand just how badly Merlin had always wanted him to know.

“So then, why…”

Merlin took a chance and stepped forward. Toward Arthur, away from the sanctuary of Leon and Lancelot’s protection.

“Think of all that’s happened. Even from that first day. Vengeful witches and beasts of all natures. Love spells and bandits and horrible, corrupt rulers. When would’ve been a good time to explain that not all of us are trying to kill you? That I would never-“ Merlin cut himself off, he was going off in the wrong direction.

“When Morgana ran with Morgause, I knew that I may never be able to tell you. The betrayal would’ve been too much. When the lady returned, sought our help, I held out hope that maybe you could open your heart to magic, and you did. I’ve never been more proud.” A very long pause. No one moves a muscle. “Then, your father fell ill. I knew, almost immediately that it was Morgause taking her revenge. For the death of her parents but also for ‘stealing’ the one thing she truly cared about in all this world: her sister. There was nothing I could do. Everything I’ve kept you apart from, every time death has ever grazed just past you, that, losing your father, was the one fate I wanted to save you from, more than any of it.” Merlin was staring directly into Arthur’s unflinching blue eyes, the way they always have. Saying everything without saying anything. But Merlin decided, before he dies, he would like to say it.

The newly outed sorcerer fell to his knees, nearly putting his forehead to the floor at his King’s feet.

“I am so sorry I could not save him, sire.” It was nearly a whisper but in the silence, it was blaring. “I tried.” He choked out. “I tried everything I knew to do and nothing worked. I’m so sorry.”

It was quiet for a long time. Merlin didn’t dare to look up. Keeping his blurred gaze on Arthur’s boots. Thinking of how he may never get to wash them again.

Suddenly, movement was heard behind him.

Merlin’s first assumption was that the knights were finally coming to their dutiful senses and hauling him to the dungeons. But the sound of rustling armor didn’t get any closer. In fact, it got further away.

When Merlin finally tore his gaze away, he found both knights leaving. Not sparing a glance backward.

Had Arthur given them permission to leave? The manservant never heard him say a word.

“Merlin. Please, stand up.”

Arthur never said please. Not if he wasn’t dying.

Merlin stood without thinking, meeting those startling eyes, once more.

The King whispered, as if reassuring a child,

“It is not…your fault.”

Merlin almost fell again, out of sheer relief, this time. Relief and heartache and grieving for the years of his life he’d spent hiding from the one person in the world he never wanted to hide from.

“If you truly did everything you could, then it was…it was his time, Merlin.” Merlin could almost laugh at Arthur Pendragon explaining death to him. “Even if you had not tried, I would understand. Not only was my father murdering your people for decades but he probably would’ve put you on the pyre himself, had you succeeded in saving him.” Merlin saw the way shame drained the color from Arthur’s face and hollowed his eyes. He would carry this the rest of his life. “Merlin, I am sorry. For all he did, and every part I have ever played in it. And I apologize for-“ His eyes dropped away, to the ground, to the doors, Merlin finally realized he was trying not to cry. “I apologize for drawing my sword. Even if circumstances were different, and you were not my manservant, you did nothing to threaten me. It was-“

“Arthur.” Merlin cut him off, feeling his feet begin to solidify under him again. “For someone who grew up here, with the lessons you were taught, it was a completely reasonable instinct.”

“All this time you’ve been…” he trailed off, seemingly replaying memories behind his glazing eyes. “You’ve been protecting me.”

“I am trying my best. You don’t make it easy.”

A smile appeared on Arthur’s face for the first time since Merlin’s eyes turned gold. And Merlin wanted to cry. But he would not. Not in front of his King.

[laesas]

RamKing + Venus Flytrap || by kinnbig

[azureforreal]

All the illustrations I did for the latest chapter of my AU

HIGHLY recommend you reading the chapter before seeing the illustrations, cuz there is a bunch of spoilers

LINK HERE <---- (AO3)

You are in for a ride...

Time to drown in heavy symbolism

[sugarsparksart]

choose your wizard path

[uncanny-tranny]

Choosing not to recover is, frankly, a non-action and something neutral. While you can absolutely abuse people, choosing not to recover is not in and of itself an act of abuse, and sometimes it seems like people think that not recovering holds the same weight as abuse. While things like abuse are nuanced and dynamic, recovery is not a respite that prevents abuse from happening.

[lex-the-lesbiann]

my most controversial dndads take is probably that i think code purple was the right decision what who said that?!

[lvstharmony]

​beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.

[isa-ah]

like bro idk terf arguments against trans men sound the same to me as truescum did back in the day. YOU cant be trans that way because I cant be trans that way. just because YOURE dysphoric as a woman doesnt mean youre trans because I AM TOO. you CANT be trans because the liberation you tout has been stolen from me. like girl you can be trans too. get out of the fuckin echochamber and maybe youll start to feel a lot better about yourself and not need to cut down other people to feel something. maybe your dysphoria would be helped by transitioning. maybe it wouldnt. wont know unless you explore it though.

[browngurl99]

Current mood is switching between 'What if we don't get HaiNana last mission full scene?' and 'What if we actually get HaiNana last mission full scene?'

I am scared for both

[stellerssong]

ok sorry the OTHER thing about lucienne is like. as previously stated she is dream's handpicked emissary from the waking world to the dreaming she's the diplomat in chief she's the translator she's the bridge. because the dreaming is, in a very real way, dream's own psyche, this is tantamount to giving lucienne a tremendous degree of access to his interiority and by transitive property also tantamount to entering into a deeply emotionally intimate relationship with her (unimportant for the purposes of this post whether that relationship is platonic or romantic).

now, in general, looking at the pattern of dream's close emotional relationships—dream doesn't share himself with people as a rule (beyond the access that all things that live have to the dreaming; but i'm talking about his self here, the one he doesn't like to acknowledge he even has), but when he does share with people, it's with people who have some shadow on the soul, so to speak. just looking at attested relationships in show canon, his deepest emotional connection seems to be with death, who embodies the duality of light and dark even better than he does himself. calliope is the muse of epic poetry—heroism and tragedy—and also bears the sort of divine pride that led her to cut dream off for hundreds or thousands of years when he wronged her. the less said about that other guy, the better, but he's no sunshine-rainbows-unicorns type—he's a soldier of fortune, a bandit and a killer, a man who profits from the sale of human life. even best bird matthew, in comix canon, had a sordid past that will maybe be partially retconned for the show but has still been gestured at.

dream likes the complicated ones. he's drawn to them. they speak to something in him that he won't acknowledge in himself (he has to be Whole, fully integrated, without reservation, because he is the king and he is the dreaming and if the dreaming ain't whole then the universe is in trouble—but he feels that ache nonetheless).

all that is to say: when people try to portray lucienne as dream's Designated Well-Adjusted Neurotypical Friend, i begin to harm and maim.