#chopper: who do you think took your boobs?

[trawpius]

The world isn’t ready for trans masc femboy Nami. But I’m ready.

[by-the-power-of-kuriboh]

Yamato, waking up from top surgery: Where's the surgeon?

Chopper: Who do you think took your boobs?

[wellfine]

I had a small question for you: I've noticed your body types and details when it comes to characters feel very human. Little traits in body refs come together very well in your designs. Because of how well you can convey these things, I was wondering if there are any OP characters that are more difficult for you to draw? Be it design wise or translating the OP style to your own? Hope this isn't an odd thing to ask haha

Not odd at all, this is a really interesting ask! I always love an opportunity to talk about why I draw things the way I do haha... Also I'm so flattered you feel that way, body variations are something I find really interesting and gratifying to draw so I'm glad people pick up on them and like them too!

HMMmmm... Honestly I find it harder to translate faces to my style than bodies HAHA. There are sooo many interesting body silhouettes in One Piece that I find it more of a fun puzzle trying to translate them! Montblanc Cricket is definitely a challenge for example because his body shape is sooo extreme (dat neck. You know Zoro's jealous) but that's part of why I like his design/drawing him.

I mean okay the hardest Straw Hat for me to draw is Brook LMAO but I feel like that's cheating because you have to be so precise with all those bones. Body-wise... maybe Nami? It took me a long time to decide on what kind of body type vibes she was giving me before I decided she was kind of beanstalk-y but with big boob implants. I try and draw her boobs to look fake on purpose contrasted with, say, Robin or Tashigi, and I hope it comes across. I just think it's in-character that if her boobs got notably bigger after the time skip, well, it's because she wanted big old honkers lmao!

Zoro is also difficult sometimes because I imagine his body changes appearance a lot, not just because he gains muscle steadily over the series, but even on a shorter scale he probably fluctuates between bulking and cutting. I find it enjoyable to draw him at various stages but it does mean he looks inconsistent in my art sometimes and occasionally I worry that people won't understand my intent. Sanji can also be difficult to get the right proportions for because his muscle composition is so unbalanced, like some kind of hyper-cyclist, but I don't want to make him look absurd out of context either.

I'm not a furry artist by nature (despite Everything) so the hardest body types for me to translate are definitely animalistic characters, whether they're Zoan types or Minks! Chopper and Pedro are still hard for me to draw, for example, even if Minks mostly just have humanoid body shapes covered in hair. I have a hard time clicking with them. Interestingly fishmen/mermaids are not as difficult - I think because they're more fantastical, you can be less 'accurate'?

I'm trying to think of non-Straw Hat characters... Honestly I have a much harder time drawing faces than bodies. I'm working on it. I think my headcanon for Law's body type is at odds with a lot of other fans' LOL (same as me seeing Sanji without a shred of ass), I just can't see him as being muscular at all - he strikes me as the type who barely eats enough and doesn't really work out so he's all gaunt and gangly. Kid is WIIIDDEE which is fun to draw but sometimes hard to get the proportions of. One Piece women tend to be harder to translate to my style than men because their canon body types are so much less diverse :/ but I do enjoy it too. Vivi was hard for me to settle on but I like the body type headcanon I have for her now - I just haven't had time to draw it LMAO. Oh, and Yamato can be hard, but for kind of different reasons. His body is so politicised I know I'm going to get weird comments no matter how I draw him. Giving him top surgery makes me personally feel more comfortable in some ways (visibly denouncing transphobes etc) but less comfortable in others (implying that top surgery is necessary to be transmasc etc). But that's a different kind of difficulty. I still enjoy drawing him.

Inorganic shapes are much harder for me to draw so I would say the hardest OP characters for me are characters like Franky or Brook who have bone/cyborg parts! I love Franky's post-timeskip silhouette (sir your A-frame) but I always struggle with his shoulders and forearms because they're not organic shapes so inconsistencies/scale inaccuracies are way more obvious. Sometimes Fishmen designs fit into this category a bit too.

I hope there was something useful or interesting in that answer somewhere! For me personally I would say - based on bodies only - the Straw Hats scale from easiest -> hardest to draw is: Usopp -> Luffy -> Zoro -> Sanji -> Robin -> Nami -> Jinbe -> Franky -> Chopper -> Brook. Usopp is hands-down easiest for me because I take a lot of inspo for him from my boyfriend so it comes surprisingly naturally. (Love u baby)

Thank you again for such an interesting ask and for letting me indulge in talking about myself for so long, I always enjoy asks like this!

[wanoace]

*after waking up from boob reduction surgery*

me : where's zoro ?

chopper : who do you think took your boobs

[silenceofthecookies]

Hello! I'm here for my free pass :) But first of all, congratulations for another big milestone! So happy to see you grow, you deserve all the attention :) May I ask for The Supernovas (I know there are 11 of them, you can yeet Apoo out, for the sake of humanity) with big breasted s/o? Not in a suggestive way, rather you know, the hard daily bread of big tittie committee. The bra odyssey, tiddy ache, BACK ACHE, them getting in the way all the time etc. Thank you :) Let me know, if it's not good.

*pick up boobs and rests them on the table* Okay now we can talk big breasts. Sorry this one took so long Bas, I hope you enjoy these!

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy has no idea of the struggles that come with big breasts. Sure, Nami and Robin have them too, but they never shared the struggles with him. You’re gonna have to spell everything out to him.

It really doesn’t make sense to him. If your back hurts because of your boobs, shouldn’t you just train your back muscles so they can handle it better? Why don’t your back muscles naturally get strong enough from carrying that weight all day anyway? It’s a mystery.

If you tell him your chests hurts, he also panics and tells you to go see Chopper, worried that your heart might stop. He calms down a little when you tell him it’s your boobs, not your heart, but he still suggests getting Chopper. When you tell him it’s normal for big breasts to get sensitive, he’ll say something along the lines of breasts really being sucky if they hurt you by simply being there.

The thing that probably annoys him the most is the fact that you won’t let him pull you around everywhere all the time. One only runs with one normal bra and two sports bras on, after all. Who has time for bra’s? There are adventures to be had!

Trafalgar Law

Law is aware of the struggles that come with big breasts, so your complaints and problems don’t come as a surprise to him, and he’ll handle them in true gremlin style.

He’ll suggest doing surgery on you to make them smaller, listing you the pro’s and con’s of it in typical boring medical fashion. He likes your breasts though, they’re a great pillow for him to sleep on, but your health and comfort go first. And a reduction doesn’t mean they’re gone anyway.

Law has absolutely no problem in going bra shopping with you, doing proper research on what kind of bra’s give the best support, advising you wherever needed. Of course, this is a great opportunity for him to pick some lingerie for you to wear as well.

Watching you find a good position to sleep in is one of his favourite forms of entertainment when he’s having trouble sleeping. He’ll simply prop his head up on one arm, watching you shift under the covers to finally find a position that’s comfy for you and your ladies.

He’ll do some research with you on proper anti-perspirant deodorant. Underboob sweat is an absolute hell, and the sub gets pretty damn hot.

Eustass Kid

Kid does not get it. I repeat. Kid does not get it.

“So your back hurts because there’s too much weight on your chest? Won’t we fix it if we create some counterweight on your back with a backpack or something?”

The worst part is that his crew agrees with him and his ‘genius solution’.

He has absolutely 0 patience to go bra shopping with you. He doesn’t even want to enter that store. That’s a ladies store, he doesn’t belong there. If you drag him in anyway to help you pick, he’s obviously going to pick everything sexy, with total disregard for the support. When you tell him you need a good, supportive bra, he’s out. He had no idea what is a supportive bra and he has no interest in learning about it either.

He thinks it’s absolutely hilarious though when you need to write something and you put your boobs on the table. The first time you did it he just asked if you were trying to get his attention. He drops that joke once he learns it’s about general comfort, though he still thinks it’s funny.

Bege, Zoro, X Drake, Killer, Hawkins, Bonney and Urouge below the cut!

Capone Bege

Once Bege finds out there are downsides to big breasts as well, he tries to do everything to help you be more comfortable. Even if he doesn’t really understand the struggles himself.

First of all, he’s helping you find alternatives to blouses. He loves a well-dressed lady and blouses look great, but if you have to worry about your buttons every 5 minutes, it’s not worth the effort. It’s either an alternative, or getting you tailor-made blouses, that fit you perfectly and comfortably.

When going bra shopping with you, he asks you what he needs to look out for to help you pick. He may be a little awkward going into a bra shop with you the first time, but he has no problems with helping you.

When the back ache gets too much, he’ll massage your back himself. It’s a little clumsy, but he enjoys making you feel better by his own hands.

Anyone who comments on your breasts when he’s around will be shot on the spot. Doesn’t matter if they’re complimenting you or catcalling you. They should know better than to stare at your chest, and they should certainly know better than to do so when he’s around.

Roronoa Zoro

This meathead has no idea what’s going on and is almost as bad as Luffy. Your back hurts because of the weight? Why not work on your back muscles then to be able to handle the weight?

Contrary to Luffy though, Zoro gets it pretty fast once you explain to him that it doesn’t work like that. Not that he’s really one to argue much, women can get pretty scary when they get mad, certainly when it comes to their breasts, and he wants no angry women.

Zoro absolutely refuses to enter a lingerie shop. He is way too embarrassed to go in and even seeing other men enter the shop will not help. Threatening to ask Sanji to go with you though, that might convince him to enter, but his head will be the colour of a tomato the whole time.

He really does not want you to get surgery though. He loves everything about your breasts and uses them as a pillow on the regular, and he really does not want to be robbed of the best pillow he’s ever rested his head on.

He’ll give you a massage when the back ache gets too bad though. He’s actually pretty good at it and has strong enough hands to apply enough pressure.

X Drake

Dead.

It does not take much on your part to embarrass this guy. Depending on where you are in your relationship with him, he might even cut you off and change the subject when you even mention your boobs. He does not want to think about it, for if he does, he’s going to be as red as a tomato.

If you’re far enough into the relationship for him to be able to handle talking about your breasts, he actually gets really worried. Why does life have to be so hard on you? Why are proper, supporting bra’s so hard to find, and so expensive when you do find them? It makes absolutely no sense to him.

He will gladly give you a massage when you’re in pain. He won’t even question it. You can 100% abuse him on his by saying your back hurts even when it doesn’t just so you can get a massage. He will never know.

Trying to find a good position to sleep in keeps him awake (he’s a very light sleeper, certainly in company) so he tries to help you find a good position. And if that good position requires him to be your pillow, or to lie on the edge of the bed, he’ll do it.

Killer

Killer knows. He 100% refuses to tell you how, but he already knows the breast struggles. You don’t even have to tell him what a well-supporting bra looks like. He knows.

Killer has no trouble going bra shopping with you, and his behaviour in the lingerie store is very similar to him going grocery shopping with you. There is no embarrassment, no awkwardness. You’re there to get something necessary for your daily life, much like food, and that’s how he treats it. He will be blushing a little behind his mask if you ask him his opinion on some sexy lingerie you’re wearing though.

He gives the absolute best massages in case your back is hurting. He knows just what muscles to work on, just how much pressure to apply and just how to make it feel relaxing as well. It’s honestly a blessing.

He does hate how much trouble you have with finding a proper sleeping position. All the tossing and turning keeps him awake as well and getting some rest on the Victoria Punk is a rare luxury he wants to take full advantage of. He won’t say anything about it though, because he knows you can’t help it and that you probably hate it just as much, if not more than him.

Basil Hawkins

Hawkins is a no-nonsense kind of man and his mind is very focussed on solving a problem when one comes up. If you complain about your back hurting to him, he’ll suggest laying down or taking a bath for now, and considering a breast reduction. If you were looking for sympathy, you’ve got the wrong person in Hawkins.

With his casual fortune-telling, he does often warn you your back will hurt extra that day. Of course there’s nothing you can do about it, your fate is set, but giving you a heads up is Hawkins’ way of being considerate about your situation.

He will actually use his fortune-telling skills to help you find a good bra though. Whenever you find a shop he’ll be able to tell you if there’s any use going in there or not. It saves you an awful lot of time and frustrations.

Nothing you can say or do regarding to the big breasts struggles will faze him. He will reply to everything very calmly, very level-headed and very no-nonsense. He takes your pain and struggles seriously, but he won’t let you just whine about to get it off your chest. It’s not that he doesn’t want to listen to you, it’s simply his problem-solving thinking that doesn’t stop to think that maybe, you just need to complain a little.

Jewelry Bonney

Bonney obviously knows what’s up. She’s part of the club herself, she knows the pains, she knows the struggles.

Bra shopping with Bonney is really interesting. She curses a lot, threatens a lot of people, and somehow always manages to get at least one bra that fits and supports. If they don’t have anything, she tends to break something because ‘If they don’t have supporting bra’s, they don’t need a supporting business’. Yes, she gets REALLY salty.

Boobs getting in the way is a seriously annoying thing, and both you and Bonney can curse a lot over it, but Bonney will help you find the pro’s in it as well. Have you ever stopped to think that when you lean back a little in your chair, your chest is a table you can put your snacks on? Or that your cleavage is a perfect cupholder? Add a straw and you don’t even have to take out the cup to drink. Total win.

Bonney has found all of the pillow hacks to easily find a sleeping position and now, you know them too.

Even though she has the same trouble, or maybe just because she has the same trouble, she’ll never underestimate you complaining about pains, being uncomfortable, or whatever. She’ll hear you out, let you rant, and get something to help with the pain.

Urouge

Just like Killer, somehow Urouge already knows about the struggles of being big-breasted. When you ask him about it he just laughs and makes a joke about liking big breasts. He won’t tell you how he really knows though.

With him always smiling, it might be a little hard to know whether Urouge really cares about your struggles or not. He does, actually, but he also thinks it’s a little funny to hear you complain. The best thing for him though is when your boobs are getting in the way of something. He thinks it’s funny, certainly when he watches you trash around in bed next to him because you’re trying to find a comfortable sleeping position.

He’s very helpful with whatever you need help with. Need someone to go bra shopping with you? He’s there, though he will make the stupid ‘these are so expensive, I’ll hold your boobs for free’ joke. He’s pretty good at eyeballing which size you need and which models will support you well.

He generally has some pain killers on hand for when the breast pain gets too bad. If you’re at the ship and he notices you’re in pain, he’ll get you some hot or cold compresses, depending on what you want.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Written In The Photograph

Gif credit @jamespendricks

Requested on wattpad

Part 2 to Photograph

Taglist @ackles-nhl. @cbouvier23.

Warning: mention of blood. Death is the theme.

Being woken up by a banging on your front door, almost gave you a heart attack. Lee wasnt able to come home so you just went back to your house. He said he'll come over there after he's finished. But as you got up you saw it was morning.

"Hang on. I'm coming". You groan, wrapping yourself up in one of Lee's hoodies.

"Y/N"? You heard John say through the door. Something must be wrong for him to be here.

Quickly opening the door. "What is it? What's wrong John"? You felt you heart beat faster. A lump in your throat formed.

"It's Lee. He's missing".

"What..what do you mean he's missing? How do you lose someone on a horse when you're supposed to be there with them John? John"? You felt that lump break as your lip started to tremble.

"Everything happened so fast, Y/N. But we have choppers and my guys out there looking. We'll find him".

"I'm coming with you". You ran off to your room and threw on some pants and your boots. Grabbed your gun and headed out to your truck. You followed John to the Dutton ranch. Cops, horses, men and atvs littered the property.

"Go to Jamie. He'll keep you informed". John didn't wait for you to get out of the truck, he told you at your window and walked off.

Taking a shakey breath you stepped out. You could feel something in the air had changed. You didnt know what but something wasn't right.

Jogging over to Jamie, he was on the phone. "Jamie, what can I do"?

"Nothing. Everyone has it covered. Why don't you go into the house and talk to Beth". Jamie redirecting you to the house. This family and keeping its secrets.

You went inside as you were told. Beth sat at the kitchen window watching outside.

"How are you holding up"? She asked. Beth knew how much you loved Lee and he would talk to her about you all the time.

"I'm okay. I just dont understand how he could be lost. Lee knows this land better than the back of his own hand. He knows how to track and find his way home". You leaned up against the counter beside her.

"I know. But a lot of stuff happened last night. Cattle was involved".

"So were guns. What if he's out there with a gunshot wound bleeding to death and I'm sitting on my ass waiting". You started to hyperventilate. Beth pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back.

"He's going to be okay. My brother is a smart man. He can get through anything". Beth whispered in your ear. While there was commotion outside. You both heard a horse being rode up to the house. You both ran outside and saw it was Kayce, blood covered his white shirt.

"Kayce! Where's Lee? Kayce". You yelled, running up towards him. His face was red and tears rolled down his face.

"I'm sorry". Kayce sobbed as Jamie helped him down. Jamie took him into the house.

You looked out through the crowd of stuff and saw John with a horse. A body laid over the satel.

"Lee! No! Lee!". You went to run after John but Beth held you as you fell to the ground. You tried getting out of her grip but your body was numb. If felt like your heart was ripped out and someone stuck a hot poker on the wound. "No, god". Sobbing into Beth's shoulder, you couldnt move. You didn't even feel it when Rip picked you up and carried you into the house. Life as you know it was taken away from you.

John arranged the funeral quickly. Kayce wasnt talking to anyone. Jamie couldn't shut up and Beth felt like your only friend. The day of the funeral, you stayed in Lee's room the whole time. Not wanting to talk to anyone. You were tired of the I'm sorry for your loss. The he was such a good man. You know what he was. No one had to tell you otherwise.

"Here's some tea". Beth whispered, startling you as you looked at the pictures of Lee and you.

"No, thank you". You declined and sat on the edge of Lee's bed. His room was left the way you last saw it. Dirt on the rug from his boots. His dirty clothes still in the clothes basket. His bed messed up.

"You have to eat something, to keep your strength". Beth sat the cup down on the nightstand.

"He's really gone, isn't he"? Taking your used tissue and wiped the corner of your eyes. "Like I'm waiting for him to come through the door and start flinging his clothes off and jumping into bed. Even though he smells horrible". You softly laugh but began to sob. "I miss that fucking smell". You sniffled.

"I know. I think everyones waiting for him to come home". Beth sighs and sits beside you.

"I can't do this Beth. I can't". You start to feel panick and your throat feels tight. You've never been a day without seeing or talking to Lee since you both got together. He was your morning call and your good night call.

"Yes, you can. Just breathe. He wouldn't want you to feel this way". She wraps her arms around you as you sobbed. She tried to be tough but she broke down with you.

"I miss him so much". You mumble against her.

"I know, baby. Shh, I know. Everythings going to be alright". Beth held you for the longest time. Not letting go.

A few weeks had passed and you haven't stepped foot on the ranch. It was hard. So many memories and the unforgettable moment that your life changed. But you had to go back. John invited you over to get somethings of Lee's to take with you. It was going to be a rough day.

"Hey sweetheart". John met you at the door and grabbed you into a hug.

"Hi, John".

"Come in. We're all in the living room. Beth got somethings for you that she knew Lee would want you to have".

Following John into the livingroom, things havent changed, except Lee's door was closed. It was always opened, Lee didn't have anything to hide.

"Glad you came". Beth greeted you with a hug.

"Me too". You took a seat on the couch.

"I got all the photos of you and Lee. I know you probably have them but I figured you would like them. He wrote on the backs of them". Beth handed you a box of photographs. You picked on up and read the back.

"The first time she let me touch her boobs on the mountain". Lee wrote about your hiking trip three years ago. You let out a giggle.

Picking up another. "The first time I realized I wanted to marry this girl". It was a picture with you sitting on the riverbank with a fishing pole and a small little fish, a big smile on your face when you first started dating.

"I can't believe he wrote about me on every one that we took". You felt hot tears stream down your cheeks.

"There good memories to have. They would've been good to tell the kids". John stopped himself and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, they will be". You looked down at the box. Everyones eyes on you.

"What are you saying, honey"? Beth couldn't help but smile.

"I'm pregnant. Six weeks. I guess we already had a start on our dozen kids". You laughed with a sob.

"Oh, honey". Beth hugged you as you sat there. Jamie chuckled. John stood there speechless.

"Do..do you know what it is"? John asked swallowing his tears.

"Not yet. I have a feeling it's a girl. Lee wanted a girl first. Lee always got what he wanted when it came to me". You chuckle.

"We can see that". Jamie joked making everyone cry laugh.

"We're here for you. Dont have to worry about anything". John wiped his face.

"Thanks. I'm going to need it. I'll be raising a Dutton child. And who else better on how to raise them than the Duttons theirselves".

"We're family. There's no one else". John smiled at you. You thought about Lee and how his legacy and life will live on through his child and his photographs.

[mst3kproject]

The Choppers

It’s teenage crime spree time!  With Arch Hall Sr. writing and producing, Arch Hall Jr. starring, and Bruno VeSoto supporting, the result is sure to be MST3K-worthy. All it’s missing is Ray Dennis Steckler, but I guess one can’t have everything.

America’s youth is its greatest resource, and those youth are in danger of growing up into criminals.  Witness our antagonists here: Cruiser, Torch, Ben, Flip, and Snooper. They drive around in a truck full of chickens, taking apart random cars and selling the pieces to Moose, a grouchy and unscrupulous junkyard owner.  The cops are baffled, but sooner or later the young thugs are bound to make a fatal mistake – and theirs comes when they girl they decide to sexually harass turns out to be the secretary of an insurance investigator.  At around the same time, Moose gets tired of their attitude and decides to turn them in.  Looks like the Choppers have chopped their last, uh… chop, I guess.

I’m sure you all want to know whether Arch Hall Jr. sings in this movie.  He does, but not until forty-five minutes in when I really had begun to hope I’d escaped him.  The piece is actually kind of catchy although not particularly memorable, but I may be in a forgiving mood because the first musical number in the movie was so much worse.  It’s performed by an elderly guy who works at Moose’s junkyard, and not only is he a bad singer, but what starts out sounding like a boy scout campfire ditty turns out to be a mournful country song about his divorce.  It made me long for the comparatively sweet strains of I Love You Vickie.

The photography here is notably terrible.  Almost the entire movie takes place outdoors in harsh desert sunshine because I think they didn’t actually have any lights.  Indoor scenes are kind of dim and night scenes are completely indecipherable – although I think somebody didn’t believe a practically pitch-black screen was enough to convince us it was night, because there are also lots of loud cricket noises.  There’s a bit where the Choppers vandalize a guy’s car because he took their parking spot and it’s almost impossible to see anyone’s faces or tell who’s talking.

The acting is sort of indifferently bad. Arch Hall Jr. is Arch Hall Jr., where everything he says sounds kind of stagey and dumb, and nobody else is much better.  The twenty-somethings playing the young criminals use hip slang in a way that suggests they have no idea what these words actually mean.  Arch Hall Sr. continues to believe he can build his son into a teen heartthrob, and so he shows us things like Cruiser’s pasty chest and belly as he lounges by a pool.

You say you didn’t need that screencap? Well, I didn’t need the shot it came from.

Most of the screen time in the movie is spent on the Choppers as they take apart cars, play or listen to bad music, argue with each other, and harass women.  The supposed heroes aren’t on screen nearly so much, but that’s okay because they are stunningly un-likeable.  There are a couple of bland cops, but the ones who are really our protagonists are inept insurance investigator Tom Hart and his nagging girlfriend Liz.  Tom comes across as an oblivious dope, while Liz constantly whines that she’s tired of fighting crime and wants to go home and eat.

Tom never redeems himself, but Liz gets a couple of moments.  She’s the one who notices that feathers keep turning up at the crime scenes, and when she recognizes Cruiser’s car at a drive-in she is able to keep him staring at her boobs long enough for her to memorize the license plate number. Naturally at the climax, she is not present and Tom, who did pretty much nothing all movie, gets all the credit for catching the gang.  The movie doesn’t make anything out of this because it doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

Which of course brings us to the fact that The Choppers hates women something fierce. There are only two we can actually be said to meet: Cruiser’s empty-headed girlfriend Gypsy (I know a bot who would be righteously angry at this name choice) is there to hang around in a bathing suit and be dumb.  The movie can’t decide how much she does or doesn’t know about his criminal hobbies – she seems to help vandalize the car in the parking lot, but then becomes the damsel in distress at the final shootout.  Liz nags, mocks, and generally treats Tom terribly, and at the end her competence is treated as his accomplishment.

Several of the five boys have backstories that depend on absent fathers – Cruiser’s was killed in WWII, Torch’s is an alcoholic, and Snooper has had a series of uninterested stepfathers.  The implication is that a single mother cannot possibly raise a boy.  He needs a father to turn him into a man (this is as near as stated aloud when a reporter attempts to interview Torch’s drunken father on the radio).  The only moment involving a woman that doesn’t reek of misogyny is when the boys harass a waitress and she blows them off.

If we’re gonna talk about fathers and sons… this is another movie Arch Hall Sr. made to try to build up his son’s career, and another movie in which the two of them are at odds.  They never actually meet in The Choppers, but the reporter played by Hall Sr. comments on how intelligent and talented the boys are and how much they could have accomplished if they’d only had the chance to live up to their potential.  Once again, it’s really, really tempting to try to do some psychoanalysis here, as if Arch Hall Sr. was using his films to tell the world how disappointed he was with his son.  I don’t know these people, of course, but that’s definitely the impression I get.

The main theme in The Choppers is one I’ve already dealt with, the idea that a boy without a father will become a criminal, stuck forever in the stage of life where rule-breaking is fun and consequences are things that happen to other people.  There seems to be a level on which the boys have adopted Moose as a sort of substitute father – he has encouraged and taught them in their criminal endeavours, and while he and they argue and threaten each other, they are honestly shocked by his eventual betrayal.  In the end, Moose abandons them just as their biological fathers have done.

There also seems to be some attempt to talk about class. All the Choppers seem to come from underprivileged backgrounds except for Cruiser, who has a backyard pool and a fancy car.  This puts him in the same category as Paula from The Violent Years, in that we’re given no good reason why he does this besides what his says to the reporter at the end: “we had a ball.”  Like Paula, Cruiser is the leader of the gang, but unlike her, he does not participate in the actual crimes.  Instead, Cruiser and his fancy car serve as lookouts – his upper-class origin allows him to be in charge without having to get his hands dirty, and there are signs that the rest of the boys resent this.  When they are all cornered at the end, it’s Cruiser who suggests giving up while Torch prefers to go down fighting.  Unlike the others, he’s not sufficiently invested in this to die for it.

What the movie is trying to say here is that money is not a substitute for good parenting, and privileged boys can still fall into crime if their fathers aren’t there for them.  What it manages to imply is that even in crime being rich gives you a head start and can make you a leader regardless of actual leadership qualities.

So this movie is really, really bad, and doesn’t deal very well with its thematic material – but that’s not to say there’s no entertainment value to be found here.  It’s never funny when it tries to be, of course. There’s an attempt at a running joke with Snooper wondering if he’d be more attractive to women if he wore contact lenses, which will make you shudder if you know what contact lenses were like in the 50’s and early 60’s.  The humour that works in The Choppers is naturally the unintentional kind, to be found in the bad acting and the unwieldy chicken truck.

My favourite moment is when Cruiser, talking on a candy-striped walkie-talkie the size of a dachshund, tells his cronies to give the police “the farmer routine”.  Flip and Snooper immediately pull a couple of cowboy hats out of fucking nowhere and put them on, and I almost did a real-life spit take.  This feels like the kind of thing that would have fascinated the Best Brains.  I can imagine Joel, Crow, and Tom whipping their own Stetsons out from under the theatre seats to wear for the rest of the scene (Servo would have needed help with his) and every subsequent appearance of a cop being greeted with, “quick, put on your cowboy hats!”  It would definitely be the stinger.

Talking about having a favourite Arch Hall Jr. movie is like talking about having a favourite kind of turd to eat, but insofar as the statement means anything, The Choppers is my second-favourite of his movies I’ve seen so far.  It’s less misogynistic than Eegah! (not a high bar) and doesn’t have nearly as much crappy music as Wild Guitar (accomplished by simply having less music).  My favourite Arch Hall Jr. movie is The Sadist, which I actually don’t consider bad enough for this blog.  In The Sadist Hall Jr. played a serial killer, and he was pretty terrifying.  If he’d had more roles like that (with directors who were not his father and could actually coach good performances out of him) he might have been a decent character actor.

[destinyrissa-blog]

How To Claim Your Male

#TheCall- #HowToClaimYourMale #LifeBegins

#Solo

Kiro kissed my lips as he left me sleeping in his bed this morning, telling me how he had work to be doing in his office. I smiled we were still scooting around the issue of whether I belonged to him or not but he had taken to kissing me every so often and pulling me into him when he was away. It made my heart flutter and my heart fall for him even more. But I could not tell him that. He has been the perfect gentleman every night when he slept beside me, nothing more than him feeling up my boob and him being really hard next to me. One day if I woke before him I was going to help him with that situation. I heard the front of the apartment door click and I did not want to sleep anymore. I got up and had a shower, feeling the warmth of the water hitting me I hoped one day Kiro would take me in here and shower with me, Rissa calm your hormones, you don’t really know he wants you. Placing a robe on and my hair up in a towel just because you never knew if someone would come into the apartment that Kiro had invited especially the cleaners, the amount of time one of the Male ones got an eye fall of my body as I did not realise that there was someone here. I will have to ask Kiro for a schedule at some point. I moved into the living room with my kindle a I thought of ways to entertain myself for a while before Kiro returned.

I was so engrossed in my book, one of the naughty ones that Kiro had taken to teasing me about. But I smiles sweetly at him and had gently swatted him his chest when he first saw my kindle. I set up a pin lock on it not soon after that. I did not hear the phone ringing next to me. It took me a moment to answer it,

“Hello welcome to Kyriacos’ phone, Carissa speaking how may I help you?” I had never answered the phone so politely.

“Oh you must be his PA, I need to speak to him about his chopper” I did not even know that he had a chopper. But the females voice irked me, how comes she knew something I did not. “Can you patch me through?”

“I am afraid Mr. Kyriacos is out of the office at the moment but I can pass him a message may I take your name?” I tried to keep my emotions in check, just who was this female and wha did she want with my male.

“Tell him that he knows me intimately and how much I enjoyed the last ride we had on his chopper. He will know who I am. Now be a good little PA and do as your boss will want you to”

“I do not think telling Mr. Kyriacos about his sex life is in my job description” I growled slightly. “I am only to tell him about his business arrangements- not his has been”

“You think you have a shot with him? Oh honey, that man is not someone who settles down. He will fuck you but he will never want you” at that point I hung up the phone I was not going to take someone thinking I was the help when for the last two months I had spent the nights in his bed. I was not having it. That Male was mine and I was going to make sure people knew that soon.

I slammed the phone back on the hook almost willing for it to ring again and it being the female that seemed to think she had her hooks into him.

A few hours later I heard the door open knowing it was Kiro I made a beeline for him pushing him against the door as I kissed him hard on the mouth causing him to groan against my lips as I pulled away I said to him, “A female called asked about the chopper said that you and her knew each other intimately. I had to be a good little PA and tell you, there you go” I turned on my heels and walked to the bedroom. I was mad but I was not mad at him I was mad at her.. whoever she was. That Male in the other room was mine. I just needed him to realise it.

#EndSolo

[roodiaries]

Sydneyside

Foreword: This blog post is divided into sub-sections to make it seem less long ;)

Residing on Sydney's North Shore: The Compartment Life

I arrived back in Sydney in late January 2017 with a vague resolve to get a house, job, girlfriend, life, etc. on a nice comfy, non-committal, short-term basis. I haven't spent more than a year in one accommodation since I was 18 in fact.

House was the first objective, even before a guarantee of a stable income and some rapidly dwindling funds, post-Asia/East Coast travel. I spent a week of searching high and low for an affordable place with my own room and not in the back end of beyond. I visited numerous dull-sounding (and looking) suburbs, such as Lidcombe, Ashfield, Arncliffe and Auburn. I did also check one out in Woolloomoolloo. That would have been a cool place to call home, and Russell Crowe lives there!

I settled for a shared-room in the north shore suburb of Willoughby, and sacrificed my single-room agenda because there was a giant partition in this room (a deal-breaker and meaning I had privacy and my own corner), and the room-mate seemed a good fit: a shift-working nurse from The Philippines named Andrew, and not a major party guy. The 'landlord' – actually renting out the place himself and sub-letting it to us – was a Korean wing-chun instructor called Sam who worked in the studio area at the front of the house, but lived elsewhere with his family. There was also a single room near ours, where a guy from Taiwan called Dean was staying. I regret not hanging out with those three more often, but our schedules clashed and everyone was always busy. In 5 months (before Dean left), we managed to eat dinner together a total of once! The lack of a communal area or large kitchen kind of prevented much socialising anyway, and I mostly just saw Andrew (but even sharing a room, I wouldn't see him for up to a week at a time). It was functional and comfortable, but not social.

Pullman Prestige

I got a job at the Pullman Sydney Hyde Park Hotel in the Food & Beverage Department in late February. Like my apartment and car, I found the job on Gumtree – the perennial lifesaver! I immediately loved the job, and it was certainly my favourite one so far in Australia. I ended up staying the entire 6 months that I was permitted with the WH visa. I liked the prestige of wearing a tie and uniform at work, and being in a fancy, air-conditioned establishment right in the heart of the city. It was my first taste of hospitality, and I particularly enjoyed the team atmosphere, with staff bonds forged via countless high-pressure stressful-but-funny situations,

e.g.:

Having just two hours to transform two rooms, including the main events room from a day conference into a giant dinner party complete with dance floor, stage, hypnotists and countless decorations, while trying to manage the three-inch high flood of reeking viscous sewage in the pantry next door

Anzac Day when every room was full with lunch events and tonnes of staff were needed (getting paid double-time = $49 per hour), listening to stories of veterans and their relatives (but later that day I was in the wars myself when I fell down the stairs and sprained my ankle!)

Numerous sports teams (AFL and NRL) eating relentlessly and drinking unstoppably, and all the constant clean-ups and late-night stays; listening to their conversations was surprisingly boring

When outlandish day-conference guests and clients rampaged illegally through the uncleaned, bombshell-like pantry and store-rooms, clambering dangerously over furniture

Being behind the pop-up bar during massive rushes, and having my first exposure to lemon and lime bitters (which I learned to make), as well as pouring techniques for wine and beer

The classic 'no cutlery or glasses ready' scenario right before a big event and the rush to find everything with not enough staff or time, making do with the wrong types

Lorenzo not getting along with the rest of the staff, tickling you while you carried stuff and refusing to do the vacuuming because it was beneath him! “Not the hero we deserve, nor the one we need.” But also a legend in his own right

Mardi Gras night in March – our hotel was the starting point for the whole half-a-million-strong parade: as extravagant floats passed by, we served drinks and canapes to numerous drag queens and divas (with requests including putting a sausage roll between their boobs, “can I take you home tonight?” and much more, producing plenty of awkward laughter and lack of a clever response from myself)

Arguments with the narky banquet chefs: “where's your supervisor!?” Plenty of tut-tuts if you couldn't carry three plates or were not on time, but all good fun in the end (I think)

Some shifts in breakfast or room service: plenty of awkward customer exchanges – e.g. saying “have a good day!” and then finding they were just getting up to get food; trying to choose between saying “you're welcome,” “that's OK,” “no problem” and “no worries,” and then mixing them up: “that's no worries, welcome!” Also when the owners of the building were in town, and I took away the coffee of Wong Kan Seng, the former Deputy Prime Minister of Singapore, before he was finished (almost died of mortification); and some good times there too, especially working with Joshua (the only other Englishman who also started on the same day as me), as well as Steve or Anne Sophie in room service

Particular mention goes to the banquets team I worked with the most: Bibek with his sudden high-pitched voice when speaking to customers (“room service”) and the infamous brown bag; Jess, the Aussiest girl in the hotel who always helped me out patiently while never taking shit from nobody; the supervisor Jona who hired me, taught me the ropes and was always keen for after-work beers; Guthrie with his laid-back attitude and film chats; and management trainee Sy whose random soundbites echo in my head to this day (“get to the choppers,” “OK team, it's show time,” “time to disappear”), always facilitating an atmosphere of fun and nonsense in the face of some overwhelming shifts.

Since I still work for the same company in a different location right now, I won't bitch too much, but plenty of staff at Pullman Sydney were not happy and began quitting over various issues, including management and lack of shifts. Money often seemed to be favoured over staff (or customers for that matter) with shifts regularly cut and annoying initiatives to upsell more stuff (the guests don't want a bloody extra croissant, leave them alone FFS). Lack of sufficient staff for a shift was also a constant blight, but in general you had a lot of freedom and variety working in banquets, and were often given considerable responsibility, and the experience was definitely a positive one.

A Brief Commentary of Sydney as a City

Overall, I like Sydney a lot. I prefer it to Melbourne, Canberra and definitely Adelaide. However, it’s a city of two halves. On the one hand, you have the dingy, dull, congested, prosaic, worn-out, uninventive, crappy, commercial-and-business-dominated city centre, which has a surprisingly high East Asian population (it feels like 50% Asian, not that that’s a bad thing; just unexpected). On the other hand, you have the stunning Sydney Harbour & Parramatta River (together known as Port Jackson) with its unending bays and natural/man-made sights; and the relaxed coastal suburbs with further wondrous views west over the city and east out to the vast Pacific Ocean. Public transport is second to none, and the Opal card makes travelling relatively cheap and convenient (by bus, train, tram and boat). Going out is expensive, but there are always cheaper hidden places, and happy hours provide good value for money: the beer and bars improve exponentially when you escape the CBD. Like much of Australia, it feels very suburban, middle-class and family-oriented: sometimes a little too clean and organised for my tastes (though I never visited notorious parts like Blacktown or Mount Druitt). It also has access to some incredible nature and national parks in all directions. It’s somewhere I’m glad I lived, but not somewhere I particularly need to live in the future. It lives up to the hype in many ways, but from my perspective, it can’t match the major European cities for history, architecture, food or atmosphere.

Social Life a.k.a The Pub & A Few Other Things

I had three main friends outside of work: Tatjana and Eisen from my farm work days in Renmark, and Mark from my uni exchange in Singapore. I spent many sessions out in Sydney's array of bars: those at Circular Quay and Darling Harbour which were pricier but had wondrous views while imbibing copious schooners of sweet wholesome 'cold ones'. These included but were not limited to the Bavarian Bier Cafe (lovely German beers for $5 at happy hour), Pontoon, Sweeney's, Hotel Harry's, Lord Roberts, The Clock, The Palace Hotel, Bald Rock Hotel and all other bars in Balmain (where Mark lived and our favourite suburb, full of homely pubs). I was sad when all three of them left in June/July.

I don't want to try and seem cool by boasting about drinking sessions (I could never claim to be cool), but I did not do a lot else outside of work: this was due to the physical and mental toll some of the long shifts (especially night ones) took on me, leading to a reluctance to do any other exercise, and the unpredictability of my schedule meaning I couldn't reliably sign up to many social clubs. However, I did get out and about to enjoy some fantastic city walks along Sydney's coastal suburbs: Botany Bay, Spit Bridge to Manly, Bondi to Coogee, the Royal National Park, and the Blue Mountains to the west. I also enjoyed a four-day holiday in April to Queensland to visit Fraser Island, the world's largest sand island and a natural adventure playground full of intriguing rainforest, a highway on the beach, sea swimming pools, freshwater perched lakes, and lots of dingoes.

In addition, I occasionally worked for my Romanian friend Costi, who helped people move house in his spare time. One extremely memorable, epic job was during the hottest day of the Australian summer, when it was a ridiculous 43ºC in February: we drove 3 hours over the Blue Mountains to the town of Bathurst to help a Bangladeshi family move to Sydney; their new apartment had several flights of stairs which we had to carry everything up by hand, sweating profusely in the mean time; then we had to drive back to Bathurst (so 9 hours of driving that day) because the neighbour also wanted to use our van to move house, so we slept on his mattress, then woke up very early and began packing his stuff into the van. His furniture was way too big, so we had to drive to Sydney with half of it, unload it, and then drive back again to Bathurst, pack the rest and unload again at his new house, finishing at about 6am on Monday morning. It was a full 48-hour working weekend, including 18 hours of travelling and a great deal of physical work: I would name it as one of the hardest, most intense single shifts I've ever done. However, it was made a lot more enjoyable by the company of Costi, who drove the whole time, never bitched or complained and maintained a calm, good-natured demeanour throughout the weekend, making it feel like a doable team effort for which I was well-compensated. A legend and a role model, that's for sure.

Riding the Bus

A boring topic to write about in my blog, but taking public transport on average twice per day over 7 months in Sydney provides one with a window into a city's soul. I loved crossing the Sydney Harbour Bridge every day to and from work or social events, basking in epic sunsets and sunrises over the incredible Sydney Harbour while jamming to the classic tunes (see Crossing the Bridge playlist below for details).

-The time the bus driver didn't know how to get to the Harbour Bridge because of roadworks and shouted to the passengers at large to ask for directions!

-The time the driver yelled at a guy to come to the front because he supposedly hadn't tapped on his Opal card, but it turned out that he had: the incident had a tense racial undertone because he was the only black guy on the bus...

-When the driver of the last bus of the night couldn't pull up at the last stop before the bridge due to taxis obstructing the stop; a girl was waiting and screaming desperately for him to stop – and even I (Captain Quiet On Public Transport) – shouted to the driver to stop somewhere! He didn’t.

-The drunken night bus back to Artarmon after a late shift: two guys that had just met for the first time, the younger, cockier and skinnier of whom constantly disagreed bluntly with everything the much older, bigger guy said, leading to a confrontational end to the conversation (this journey was always followed by an unpleasant 25-minute uphill walk through the lost lonely suburbs where not a soul stirs and spider webs hang over the path ready to snag an unsuspecting face passing through).

Thanks for taking the time to read,

Scroll down for photos and previous blog posts,

Oliver