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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 25 days

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On The Hunt: Mending The Remains

Summary- 5.4k Alpha Steve x Little One. You and Steve have started working together once more as a team, trying to meet one another halfway. Steve opens up in a vulnerable way, a first time for him.

Warnings- Steve being emotionally vulnerable.

A/N- It took a long time to get here, but I don't regret any of it. I love the journey we have been on, it was raw and heartbreaking. I appreciate all of you who have continued along with me on this. Special shoutout to @yenzys-lucky-charm for proof reading and encouraging me whenever I was doubting myself. Dividers made by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please reblog and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. It means so much to writers.

Chapter Eight / Masterlist

You woke up expecting to find Steve next to you but the bed was empty. Not cold though, when your palm reached across the mattress it was still warm from where he had been. Your senses drifted, listening all around you.

It wasn’t quiet by any means. You had quickly learned that apartments were anything but peaceful like the little cabin by the lake. You could hear the endless voices of the building's other occupants. You sighed at the intrusion, but the smell of food coming from your apartment's kitchen had you perking up.

There Steve was, making breakfast. And you inhaled the arousing scent of him among the smell of eggs, butter, and bacon.

<Go jump him.> A sniggering voice and you groaned at it, pushing up to a seat and shoving off any blankets that were suddenly suffocating you.

Chill you horny bitch. You retaliate, leaving the hallway and quietly heading for your bedroom to gather up some clothes.

The Little Wolf was smug, her tail wagging in a playful manner as you dug through your stuff, getting everything you would need for the day. <We, not just me. It’s the heat.> She stretched and you made a quick retreat to the bathroom, taking a deep inhale.

Heat or not, we are just starting to get back something. You turn on the shower to cold and climb in, your body tingling with anticipation, urging you to mate, to fuck and reclaim. I’m not ready for that, not yet. You admitted as you leaned into the water, hoping it would start to break the warmth in your body.

It did no such thing. Instead clear images of past heats assaulted you, images of you and Steve tangled up together in the most primal way. His heavy hand wrapped around your neck to keep you pinned in your nest while he pounded you from behind. “Fill this belly with me Little One.” He would growl loudly while your body jolted into the bed.“Dripping me for days. Everyone will know who keeps you full.”

“Fuck.” You muttered in a whisper as your body clenched in response, wanting that knot you knew Steve would fill you with. Your hand drifted down, hovering over your belly. “What a sweet smelling cunt for her Alpha.” The sensation of his tongue was very vivid as your fingers slipped between swollen folds, so sensitive that the brush of your fingertips against your clit was an aching need. You swirled against that spot, softly whining as your thighs spread further.

“Feel so good Little One, fuck I could just stay knotted in you all day.” You heard his moan, the sun filtering in through the open balcony doors, the fresh air a cool breeze coming off the lake relieving your sex-drenched bodies. Steve shuddered above you as he released in you again, his knot stretching you till you were clinging to him, the sensation of pleasure almost overwhelming as you both were exhausted. The cold water of your shower did little to kill the way your body ached now from the memories, your fingers finally fucking into your aching heat while your thumb teased your clit.

Release would bring a slight relief, but no satisfaction.

The Alpha knew as soon as you walked in, the large wolf going alert and tense while Steve stood at the stove reheating the food. There was no denying he heard your soft whines and moans through the thin walls, what you were doing to appease your heat.

Steve had never been so fucking hard in his life but everything in him refused to act on it, not even the Alpha pushed for it like he usually did. It was a solid understanding that nothing would happen until you were ready.

So for now Steve would do other things for you that were as important, like making sure you had a solid meal. You settled quickly in your seat at the bar, watching as he piled plenty of food on your plate and handed it over. “You always make enough to feed a whole army.” You teased as you pushed your fork into the mountain of eggs and cheese he had on your plate.

“Sorry.” He shrugged a shoulder, giving a small grin in apology. “Old habits like feeding a whole squad of shifters at home or with Shield is hard to break.”

“Was that something you did often?” You inquired while digging into your food. Steve settled across from you, taking his time before offering an answer.

“We took shifts with the Howling Commandos. All the work was shared in our unit, no one too good to do anything. I learned real fast how to make something quick, easy and good.” He took a bite, savoring it for a moment before swallowing. “I would never hear the end of it when I burned something. Being Captain of the unit, they weren’t about to let me get away with anything.”

You chuckled at the thought of it, waving your fork towards him as you got caught up in the moment. “Hell no, you gotta do everything to tip-top shape Alpha. Including feeding your men.” You took another forkful and smirked as you brought it to your mouth. “And me too.” Then took that cheesy bite of eggs, sighing happily at how something so simple could be that good.

“I don’t think I have ever let you go hungry Little One.” Steve said incredulously while scooping another forkful of eggs and this time a bite of his toast onto his fork and leaned over the counter towards you, offering the bite from his fork to you.

“There was that one time…” You teased as you were quick to take his offering, listening to him sputter trying to recall what time that could possibly be.

<You're gonna drive him mad Y/N.> Your Little Wolf scolded.

I will make it up to him. You assured her while mimicking what he did for you, leaning over towards him with your own offering, smiling softly at him. “Your unit was lucky to have you, burned food and all.”

“You have been talking to Bucky, haven’t you.” Steve huffed while taking your offering, the teasing dying down after that while you two continued the last of the meal. You groaned while pushing aside your plate that had scatterings of leftovers that Steve pulled towards him to finish off.

“I'm stuffed, I can’t eat another bite.”

“Then I did my job.” Steve rumbled with a smirk of satisfaction while he gathered the last of the dishes off the table and brought them to the sink. “I was thinking about going back in today.”

You perked up at the change of subject. “To the warehouse.”

“Yes… we know Ulysses isn’t there, yet. And we can’t do anything till he either is or one of them drops his location. We need to go back inside.”

Your Little Wolf hummed with anticipation, her ears perked excitedly at the prospect of working together. “So what do you propose? I can easily slip in like before if they don’t know about that door, but you’re so much bigger. Yesterday we got lucky.”

“We did, so you're going to go in that way, on the ground searching for anything we can use. I will be up high.”

“Up high?”

“The roof, I can access it that way. Before I came looking for you, I checked it all out. They have no surveillance up there.” Steve’s glance went over your features, like he was assuring himself before it fell to the bracelet Shuri equipped you with. “That works with the Little Wolf too?”

“Yeah, it slows us down, but it will cover her chest and throat in the same way it does with me.” Your body tingled, the reminder that your heat was still raging under your skin, itching for you to nest and mate. Your shower tampered it, but not forever. “And I plan on using it.” You noticed Steve sharply inhale, his eyes going pinpoint in interest but nothing more, your pulse raced at the barely there response from him. “What are you thinking? Don’t censor it.”

The pulse in his neck was picking up, your teeth aching to drag across it to make your Alpha shudder. Stop it Y/N… You snapped at yourself.

Blue eyes burned at you across the table and you braced yourself at the gaze, unsure of what he was going to tell you. “That you're going to be fine Y/N, I know that you're good at this.” Your brows sprung up in surprise, making Steve chuckle softly, his hand reaching over with an open waiting palm for you. “T’Challa had Shuri give Bucky and me access to the recent rescues. Little One, you made me so fucking proud, you pulled so many out that they never would have before.”

Pride raced through you, making your hand reach out and take his while warmth raced to your face, making the tip of your nose wrinkle at the sensation and a little smile peek through. “Of course he did.”

Steve squeezed your hand while continuing. “So I know the urge to make you stay is the alpha instinct and yes, it’s still there, I still want to command you to stay here. Especially when I don’t know what we're going into. I don’t have the pack to rely on, no Natasha doing intel, Sam ready to step in, Clint picking off targets, not even Bucky at our six.”

“That’s a lot when you think of it that way.” You let your thumb stroke over his knuckles.

“Mmh, that's the fears playing all the what if scenarios. Although I can't predict the future, I can confidently say that I trust you to stay safe and pull out if you have to.”

You nodded assuredly, your tongue darting to moisten your lips, which Steve’s sharp stare didn’t miss. “Anything else? Remember I said I want nothing censored.”

“Little One…” He started and you flashed him a look. Steve’s moment of resolve crumbled with that look. “How tempting it would be to push you into one of those beds and knot you over and over Little One till you're as full as can be and needing me to stop, leaving you satisfied in your nest.” The growl in his voice was back, making your breath hitch as the Little Wolf ached to present for him. Tremors of excitement raced up your spine. “How are you keeping yourself composed… it's the tether we are hanging onto right now.”

“Steve-” Your hand tightened in his, and the hint of need escaped from between your lips. “I can’t-”

“Y/N, hey… '' Steve spoke sharp enough to make your mouth snap closed. “Nothing happens till you tell me too. Till we're both ready for us again.”

“Thank you.” You said earnestly and moved to a stand, tilting your head towards the door. “Shall we get this done Alpha?”

“Lead the way Omega, This is your mission.”

Steve crept among the warehouse beams, folding his massive body half over while he tracked the current residents from up above. He had last caught a glimpse of you several minutes ago, steering clear of the sound of voices, knowing that's where he was headed. You weaved among massive crates of cargo, going towards what looked like empty offices, searching for anything that would give them intel.

Steve often wished for missions to end, not because of how he felt about himself, but because leading others into the possibility of danger took a toll on him. He learned to trust who worked with him though and he fell back onto that, you would call for him if you needed help. It didn’t stop him from constantly checking for you, there was no way he would be able to ever completely turn that off.

But he was willing to work on it. Taking in a deep calming inhale, he forcibly made himself get further away from you till he was just above the few people remaining in the warehouse. Steve activated a small communications device in his ear, the ping letting him know it connected and Shuri’s voice responded.

‘You found the base, but no sign of Ulysses?’

Steve hummed in confirmation, letting the sounds from below take over what he could have said. The sound of a keyboard on the other end was barely noticeable while Shuri excitedly took down the information provided.

Fortunately for them, the people were discussing the next pickup point. An excited inhale of breath made Steve grin to himself, Shuri’s excitement infectious. ‘Excellent, I will tell my brother. They won’t be moving any more shifters from that location.”

“Good.” Steve whispered, mentally taking in all the surroundings of the area, where the best exits were as well as the places that could trap him or you when the time came to collect their target. The conservation shifted to nothing of use, making Steve decide to pull away and go find you.

‘Good job Alpha.’ Came Shuri’s voice in his ear before he muted it, needing to be able to keep better track of what was going on around him. Your scent was nearby and Steve used that as his lifeline to you, tracking you towards the back of the building where dark offices were lined up. He dropped silently on the balls of his feet and slipped inside the one he sensed you in. In the near dark he could see you whip around with a growl rising from you, only to settle back down once you realized it was him.

“You're almost done?” Steve softly asked and you held up a small USB drive with a smirk of satisfaction.

“Yes, I was just taking one more glance over. They don't lock up anything here. Idiots.” you mutter as you slip a file cabinet closed. You slipped Steve the drive, with the brush of your hand, your Little Wolf crooned, making you stiffen as your senses flared. Everything about Steve came in hyperfocus, your heat making your body ache with need once more.

The edge you had taken off earlier was wearing off.

Steve noticed it too, his eyes dilating with arousal, your scent filling him in the enclosed space. “Fuck.” He rumbled, his jaw clenching and the muscles fluttering in his cheek. Everything in him made him look like he was about to pounce, but with visible shaking of his body, he stepped back with a warning in the sound of a snarl escaping. “Little One, you gotta get it under control or else-”

Else what? your alpha would pin you against the file cabinets and take you? Over and over, breeding you till you couldn't stand up anymore? Bend you against the desk with a biting grip to the back of your neck to hold you still while he knotted you? The images plagued you and your Little Wolf, your body waring with your common sense.

You stepped closer, seeking to cross that line in the sand you drew.

Sounds interrupted you both, voices passing the offices and Steve grabbed at you to pull you into him, both of you slamming into a wall to keep out of sight of anyone passing.

Your heart raced in anticipation, crushed against Steve, you sighed in some relief against his chest, feeling him body to body. Your hand reached up, cupping his jaw to have him pry his eyes away from the partially open door to look at you.

You were aching, your Little Wolf was feeling frantic and all you could imagine was letting go. To let Steve take over, to feel him in all your senses in a way that you didn’t have to struggle anymore. You missed him so much, even as close as he was, it still hurt to have a screaming void between you two.

Your Little Wolf whined for that connection you both missed desperately, lonely for her Alpha. It’s what broke your resolve, feeling her pain like a physical throb in your chest. “You have until they are gone to kiss me.” Your eyes searched his, so crystal clear even in the dark shadows, there was no missing the flare of yellow melding in his blue orbs. Your lips hovered so close, leaving it up to him to close the distance, to take what you were offering.

His gaze dropped to your cupid's bow, admiring the curve of your mouth before drawing in a breath and seeking it out.

His lips felt familiar as they swept against yours, relief singing in your veins at the slight connection your body so desperately ached for. A soft grunt escaped him when your tongue touched against the seam of his lips, inviting more from him.

A hand went to the back of your neck, squeezing lightly and drawing you in close, his nose tracing against yours a moment when the two of you broke before tilting to see each other out again.

You gasped when his hand tightened into your hair, dragging your head back to open you more to him, teeth nipping at your lips till your lips parted and he devoured you. A man starved and you encouraged it, your soft whimpers escaping into the kiss.

Panting against each other when you pull away, your eyes both closed and foreheads leaning together, you reluctantly release your hold on Steve. “Time’s up…” You whisper to him and slip out the door to make your escape, your Alpha close on your heels.

It was late, the moon slipping through the apartment windows as you made your way back to Steve’s door. After the kiss, your heat once more sated but your yearning for your mate was a vicious cycle.

Especially when he was keeping himself in check, and respecting your boundaries. Your hand hovered against the thin wooden door, pulling back to your chest in hesitation. It was a battle in your mind and heart, your mind warning you to be careful and your heart making you want to reach for him again.

You couldn’t even blame it on your heat this time. You just missed Steve.

Your Little Wolf was an ever-warm presence in your mind, but so quiet when usually her quips plagued you. You’re quiet tonight.

<I am tired.> She growled wearily, her tail wrapping over her nose in dismissal of you. <You know what you want and you are the one standing in your way.>

Your frown deepened and your arms hugged around yourself tighter. So much has happened Little Wolf. You sighed, your fingertips tracing softly against the wood of the door, the barrier between the two of you. He says he is willing to wait, but I’m so stuck on that he left at all and I don’t know how to get past that. Whenever the thought snuck in, wiggled its intrusiveness into your thoughts, all those fears and anger sunk in deep. It had its hooks in you and you didn’t know how to let them go.

It was like a dark stain you couldn't scrub off.

Of course, your Little Wolf could voice exactly what your unsaid fear was. What if we're both holding onto something that doesn’t even work?

<What if it does? What if he is like us, learning and growing into someone he wasn’t before? Is he worth taking that chance?> Then she withdrew from your consciousness, letting you make the final choice. <Can you forgive him?>

You went to him the night before because your body was breaking, the heat so overwhelming that it made you crazy. Tonight it was just you, you missed curling up with your Alpha in a way far more intimate than sex could give.

Just being held, just feeling your body meld against his while tucked against each other, sharing pieces of one another while the world stopped being so demanding for a little while. Your hand enclosed around the handle and you pushed the door open, slipping into the darkened bedroom. You sensed Steve in the bed, the shadow of his form shifting slightly to make room for you.

You eased under the blankets, settling into your side while his arm wrapped around you to tuck you against him, his chest pressing into your back, you felt yourself start to relax into being held. A short tremor of relief was followed by you going completely lax in his hold. Steve shifted behind you, his face tucking in against your neck and his deep inhale had his chest pressing into you, his sigh one matching just how you were feeling too.

Like you were home.

It jolted you awake, the feeling of an arm crushing around your chest, the air being squeezed from your body, leaving you gasping. What the-

Your Little Wolf was yipping <Wake him up Y/N.>

Behind you could hear a sob escape, Steve’s body crushing against yours. You had to wriggle, and turn enough to ease from his hold. Somehow he was still asleep, whatever dream was plaguing him making his features twist in pain.

Steve managed to roll onto his back, a gasp escaping him. In a split second, you followed him, perching on his stomach as your hands cupped his face. “Steve, baby wake up.” You called him. Your Little Wolf whined anxiously while you both watched his eyelids twitch frantically and then jolt open, his eyes unfocused as they rolled around the room searching. Then they fell on you and you felt the multitude of emotions in them.

They glimmered with tears caught in his lashes, his gasps making his chest heave underneath you. Your hands were cupping his red cheeks, tear-stained while he was stuck in his nightmare. “Hey, you’re okay Steve, it’s all okay.”

“Little One?” He croaked out, his eyes blinking rapidly as he seemed to take in his surroundings. The snarl that rolled from him sounded painfilled, making you push up off him to see if he was injured anywhere.

Hands quickly grasped your waist and pulled you back firmly onto him. “Don’t… just stay, please.” His fingers were digging into you, sure they would mark you, but you didn’t make another move. Instead, you let your hands slide against him, letting him feel your touch on his face, swiping along his neck and his shoulders.

Anything you could do to calm his racing heart in his chest and ease the tension riddling him, your brow furrowed with wonder at what had him having that haunted look in his eyes as he seemed to study you just as hard. His hands finally loosened enough to not hold you so tightly, instead, he traced your curves, dipping along your waist and up your back to squeeze the back of your neck assuredly while fingertips fluttered over your pulse.

Your Little Wolf chirped at the touch, making your eyes flutter for a moment before they sharpened with concern. “Are you okay Alpha?”

He gave a slight nod, inhaling sharply for a moment to clear out the last of his nightmare. You shifted down, alarm flaring in his features till he realized you were lying against his chest, letting him feel all of you against him. “What were you dreaming about Steve?”

It was quiet for several moments, your head laid against his chest so you could hear his heartbeat against his chest, the whoosh of his breathing going back to steady assuring to your Little Wolf.

You debated on pushing for an answer, in the past you wouldn’t have insisted. The times you found him unsettled, waking up to find him out on the back cabin deck inhaling a cigarette, the only times you ever saw him smoke, you waited for him to return to bed. But maybe you needed to insist on him to share, be Steve’s safe place like he had tried to be for you when you were bonded with him.

His hand smoothed up under your nightshirt, palm soothing against your back when you tipped your head up, the tip of your nose tracing up his neck. “Let me in.”

“Do you remember any of when Pierce shot you with the dart?” Steve’s finally started, his arm circling your waist.

“I remember my wolf disappearing and the pain, but that's it.”

“I lost it, when you went down, I went feral. The Alpha wouldn't let anyone come near us till Bucky challenged him. All I could think was that I lost you.”

You stiffened a bit when a croon from your Little Wolf reminded you to just listen to him.

“It was like when Bucky was taken all over again, I failed to keep him safe with the Howling Commandos.” He rumbled underneath you. It took everything in you to resist correcting him, that this was life and he was just a man, there was only so much he could do. “I already know what you’re gonna say Little One.” His tone muffled in your hair, his face pressing in against your head for a moment, like it was reassuring him.

“Not a peep from me Alpha, keep going.” The Little Wolf was waves of warmth in you, which you hoped passed to Steve in some way. “It must have been hard losing Bucky?”

“God I blamed myself, hunted for him for months. They had him in that facility dragging him for information, testing him. If I had just been paying better attention…”

“You got him back though.” You insisted, making Steve give a humorless chuckle.

“I did, but he had already changed. They twisted his wolf till he broke, his limp is now permanent, and his mind was like a minefield. You saw him in Wakanda, so reactive to everything.”

You hummed to acknowledge him, remembering Bucky’s nightmares taking over. You knew where this was going, Steve took everything that happened to his loved ones so personally, mixed with his alpha tendencies, it was enough to drive anyone a little crazy. “He trusted me and I failed him.”

You trusted me, and I failed you. Your mind filled in what he wasn’t saying out loud. You kept quiet still, trusting your Little Wolf when she told you to just let him talk. “Then there's you.” You felt his lips against the crown of your head and his hold tightened, not that you could get any closer at the moment. “The half my Alpha sings for every day. What happened, Little One, I’m sorry that I wasn’t seeing you as you asked me to and I closed you out, that I broke-”

Here you stirred, pushing back up till your elbows were tucked under you to give you leverage to look down at Steve.

You knew he was trying. He had kept so much bottled in, trying to be a perfect alpha for everyone who depended on him, strong and always in control. You knew he wouldn’t forgive himself for how everything happened, they would plague him like they are doing now. Part of you was mad at yourself for not pushing Steve to open up to you when he claimed you as his.

He was never going to forgive himself, he would carry this till the end of his time, no matter how many times you could try telling him that you never blamed him for what happened to you. It hurts your heart to think of a whole lifetime of him punishing himself, even after working on meeting your needs.

Pierce shooting you, Brock collaring Steve and turning him into a weapon, then him breaking up with you because he was scared of the control he lost, not to mention all the stuff with Bucky that you were just finding out about. How much of that did he still hold himself to blame?

Can you forgive him? Your Little Wolf’s earlier words echoed back at you.

The alpha wasn’t perfect, but he was a good man.

Your hands went to cover his mouth from saying anything more, his brows furrowing over his gaze, his eyes were raw to look into. He hid nothing in his blue orbs. When you were sure he wouldn’t keep going, you let your hand slide to his cheek, cupping it. Your fingers gently scratched through the beard covering his cheek, affectionate in your touch. Your Little Wolf crooned soothingly in your mind, making you smile softly at her actions.

You could give him something he couldn’t give himself. “I forgive you, Steve.”

You felt him try to turn his face away, hide his gaze from you, but you tightened your hold on him. His breathing picked up, his chest raising with his sharp inhales. “I don’t-”

“Steve, look at me,” you commanded and he instinctively stopped struggling to do as you asked. “I forgive you.” You repeated firmly. He took a shuddering breath, releasing some of the tension he was holding onto. “I forgive you.” You repeated while your fingers traced along the top of his cheek and your thumb gathered at the tears building in his lashes. You felt him breaking slowly piece by piece under you. “I forgive you, Steve.” You repeated one last time with your shaky sigh.

There was a relief in your chest that washed over you. You had been holding onto so much anger and pain. It wasn’t completely gone, but saying it out loud to him helped both of you. He started shaking under you, everything bubbling up to the surface that he kept down for so long. You saw his sob get swallowed, his throat working to keep himself contained.

This had moved on beyond his nightmare, this was years of self-inflicted pain you were seeing bleed through, holding himself accountable for so much that was out of his control. “It’s okay Steve to not be okay. I am not going anywhere.”

His arms tightened, hugging you to him as finally, he broke in a way you had never seen him before. You wrapped around him the best you could, sure to hold him just as tightly back.

Steve stared at himself in the mirror, feeling the after effects of his late night wake up. His head throbbed and his eyes ached, the hot shower you insisted on him taking when he held a palm to his temple had helped a little.

Even feeling like shit, he felt better. Opening up to you lifted a weight he didn't know he had been carrying all this time.

His Alpha was a calmer presence in his mind, no longer a snapping and aggravated force that he had to contend with. Now the beast was calmer, occasionally scenting for where his Little One was in the apartment.

You weren’t far, just beyond the door. Steve could see you still in his bed wrapped up in the blankets. Part of him was still shocked you stayed after he broke down, all of him was grateful that you did.

<Our Little One doesn't think we’re weak.> The ever-sensible Alpha picked up on some of his thoughts.

Steve inhaled sharply to clear his mind. It was certainly a lot to dump on her at once. I’ve never done that before. Not to her.

<She made it safe enough for it to happen.> The Alpha’s tail thumped once in approval. <Alanna would have murdered us in our sleep if she had seen it.> Steve shuddered at the thought of his ex seeing him like that. The Alpha snarled at the memory of it. <Our Little One isn’t a power-hungry bitch who will sell us out.>

From the other room, a phone rang and Steve heard you answer it with a groggy ‘Yeah?’ He took one last glance at himself in the mirror and pushed away from the counter to go back into the bedroom. You seemed to be getting invested in the phone call, giving a glance at him and an immediate smile his way made Steve feel further at ease. “We got this.” You hung up the phone and pushed the blankets away. “So Steve, how do you feel about actually saving some people today?”

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