#chuuya: has to just sit there and take it bc they can't DO anything to her

[zukkaoru]

writing elise is so fun because she can just say anything to anyone and they can't do a single thing about it

[lolhex12]

shin soukoku brainrot

disclaimer: all i know abt BSD is from watching the anime and countless tiktoks full of manga spoilers. that being said, i have no idea what's canon and what isn't or the details of what's happening in the manga.

in which atsushi can fully transform in tiger form at will (bc i'm a sucker for that)

- at the end of the current arc, the ada needs to give a member to the pm so, in a meeting where all ada and pm members are present, mori is looking directly at dazai bc as much as he would've preferred to have yosano, he can't bc of her agreed immunity.

dazai is distraught bc "why does only yosano have immunity? why would fukuzawa only protect her and not him? he'd rather die than go back to the pm!" everyone is shocked to see such a strong reaction from dazai bc that's the guy who can't be fazed by anything.

atsushi, seeing his mentor's distress, stands up: "uhm, i offer to switch over"

everyone's focus and shock shifts to him. why would sweet innocent atsushi want to switch to an organization that kills ppl (among other things)?

mori, with a raised eyebrow: "you....'offer'?"

atsushi: "i offer under one condition"

mori, intrigued: "do tell, kid"

atsushi: "i'll join the pm but i get to work only with akutagawa; join him on all his missions, like a permanent +1"

akutagawa's standing behind mori like 'wtf'. mori, amused, turns to akutagawa: "what's your opinion on this?"

akutagawa, composing himself with a cough: "ahm, his prospects look promising in terms of ability and skill. and... previous teamwork between the two of us has proven... effective..."

mori squints at his hesitation when chuuya butts in: "sir, if i may"

mori gives him the go-ahead. chuuya: "sir, i believe the white tiger would be a better pick than dazai, seeing how much more willing and cooperative he seems than someone who's deserted us before. if he left us once, what stops him from doing it again? all due respect and consideration, i believe we should opt for fresh blood here"

mori hums, thinking abt chuuya's words. he turns back to atsushi: "why are you offering to join the mafia, kid?"

atsushi: "to annoy akutagawa," he says with an exaggerated smile. mori starts laughing while everyone there's just like 'what? srsly?'

akutagawa, eye twitching: "sir, i take it back. his ability is shit and he has no skill at all"

mori: "declined. i've already made my decision. i feel like this will be as entertaining as the old double black, so i'll allow it." he turns back to atsushi: "welcome to the team, kid"

the meeting wraps up, atsushi goes to akutagawa to remind him how they're stuck together now and how he'll make sure akutagawa keeps his promise to him (abt not killing ppl for six months).

before mori leaves, he turns to dazai: "that kid may have saved you today, but next time i'll be more insistent on what i want and make sure i get it." a chill goes down dazai's spine at those words, as if he didn't already feel bad that atsushi basically sacrificed himself for him. the ada misses their tiger boy while said tiger's having the time of his life making akutagawa's life harder.

(the main reason atsushi insisted he exclusively worked with akutagawa is bc he knew he wouldn't have to kill anyone due to their promise. akutagawa is the safest option for atsushi to keep his integrity and morals clean if he had to join the pm)

- sskk who work together show up at meetings with akutagawa riding on atsushi's back in full tiger form. atsushi kneels when they reach akutagawa's chair, akutagawa then dismounts his tiger and waits for atsushi to de-transform so he can pull atsushi up and draw him a chair next to his. akutagawa makes sure atsushi sits down before him despite being his personal transportation method. (bc we love equality and respect like that) akutagawa rides his tiger only when he feels more sick than usual or when he wants to prove a point (that they're a power couple, as 'work partners' ofc <- #denial)

- once atsushi comes to prefer his full tiger form rather than human form, he'll go into meetings with akutagawa and sit down next to his leg with his head on akutagawa's lap, who will in turn pet him through the entire meeting and even when atsushi starts purring, no one dares comment on it bc they don't want to get their tongues cut off

- after a hard fight, akutagawa has a coughing fit and is so exhausted he passes out. atsushi then fully transforms into the white tiger and picks up akutagawa like a cat picks up her cub and places him on his back to get back to safety

- akutagawa sleeping curled up around his tiger. cuddly and comfy and warm

- someone, probably gin, hearing a bad coughing fit coming from akutagawa's room but when they go check they see atsushi sitting on akutagawa's bed, rubbing his back with a glass of water in his other hand, waiting until the cough subsides so his partner can drink it [after the current arc, ppl suspect akutagawa's cough would go away bc of the regen powers or whatever but i love angst so i left it in :) ]

just,,,,sskk being a power couple and atsushi having full control of his ability. he's just a big cat to me (and to akutagawa, who absolutely loves his feline partner)

again, i know very little abt the story and characters so pls don't come for me ><

[4-hour-naps]

Tom Cardy lyrics as incorrect Dazai quotes from every song

In order of most fun/fitting. I feel uniquely qualified to make this. But I add more unnecessary commentary as we go.

Big Breakfast

“Hey Patricia can you bring me a kitchen sink so I can drown myself infront of all your clientele”

Artificial Intelligence

“So i guess that i feel a little sad, that i can't feel all the ways it feels to be human”

Perception Check

“you’re a short motherfucker and nobody likes you”

Why am I Anxious

“I would try to do anything to make my life feel better, except anything that my life feels better”

High Five

“Could it be me buyin' everyone a round of Fireball, but then drinkin' them all. And then tellin' your girlfriend that you're cheatin' on her with me” (This whole part tbh)

The Ballad of Smoking Joe Rudeboy

“I know that their packing heat, and I know they know I’m the man to beat”

Mixed Messages

“I’m really sorry for punching your dad in the dick I won’t do it again…I ball up my other hand and punch your dad in the dick again” (does anyone even have a dad in bsd)

Business Man

“Ahh! You shot me in the leg!” (Like he could’ve said literally have said this, bonus: “no, you’ve got a dumb name”)

HYCYBH

“Have you checked your butthole” (specifically after the grandma dies part. I can see him doing this to Kuni for like a week straight, purposely hiding stuff just to say it)

Read Between the Lines

“please don’t misunderstand me I’ll always leave you a clue” (the clue in question only Ranpo understands)

Big Dumb Idiot

“Light on my feet as I sneak into your house, be a giant fuckin' idiot, then sneak back out”

Hey I don’t work here

“That way I could teach your kid to drown in front of you” (he is an expert… or is he?… I mean cause he..)

.・゜゜・ things get a little iffy here ・゜゜・．

Paint That Lady

“Do you want to be my lady? I want to raise your babies. My only job is to pleasure you” (Lying through his teeth to get laid)

Carol Brown

“Mimi will no longer see me. Brittany, Brittany hit me. Paula, Persephone stela and Stephanie. There must be fifty ways that lovers have left me” (womanizer king /j)

Get Louis Theroux

“I was being to feel 👹 omnipotent👹” (okay maybe he wouldn’t but… like to scare Chuuya or smth? Idk I just like this part okay??)

Party Dog

“So kiss the ring motherfucker and then I’ll let you stay”

Beautiful Mind

“I, know, so sit back and enjoy thе show” (said after he has crafted the most devious of schemes)

Your Love is Not Enough

“You’re love is not enough, give me some really cool shit”

Call Your Mother

“You've got the power to be a massive sick cunt” (somehow trying to encourage atsushi)

Monster Truck

“I’ll stab you in the face bitch” (? To Mori idk)

・゜゜・．I struggled with these songs ・゜゜・．

Naughty or Nice

“When he thinks no one is watching, I’m watching” (uhh.. )

#inspirational

“I use emojis to deflect” (he would)

Future of Humanity

“Spit in my mouth for mankind” (I will not be taking feedback here)

Red Flags

“You know the deal (Pucker up)” (did I just pick this bc it’s funny? Yes)

(That’s all the songs on Spotify + perception check, there are probs other unreleased songs but)

[mrskurono]

Separately, but how much convincing do Atsushi, Aku, and Chuuya need to have spontaneous, semi-public sex (or oral) with reader ~ 👀 (if you can answer! Thanks for your time, you are a brilliant writer!)

a/n: my brain has pms but god damn it I won't try my best; also Chuuya looks beautiful in this theme like hot damn type: headcanons tags: fem!Reader, public (obviously), mentions of; handjobs, oral (giving + receiving), vaginal fingering, cockwarming, vaginal sex, ranchiness ♡

Honestly, the easiest out of the three to convince to do anything you damn well want

You've seen this man's will to tell people no

It's nonexistent and telling you no is literally a fate worse than death to him

Dr. Yosano is busy in her office, Kunikida is clocked out for the day and Dazai never stays late so where's the harm?

When your gaze lingers a little longer on Atsushi across the desk from you, admiring how handsome he is with his brows pinched in thought

Unaware of your gaze until you're sitting right next to him, leaning in on your elbow and slipping your free hand between his thighs

Met with a decisive squeak of surprise from how hard he was concentrating

Atsushi can't help the hushed demand of what you're doing while his cheeks turn seven shades darker

"You looked good working."

"We're working!!!"

"But shouldn't overtime be rewarded?"

Be if your hand groping him through his slacks or the half lidded dreamy look you have casted over at him, Atsushi can't say no

Not when your fingers fiddle with his zipper silently. Only the sparse tapping of his fingers on his laptop being stunted as you free his cock from his pants

Fingers curled around his length and pumping him slowly under the desk

Thank for all the agency's cluttered desk as no one can see a thing but you two sitting together like normal

Far from normal though as beads of sweat trickle along Atsushi's hairline

His labored breathing almost like an echo in the nearly empty office space

Atsushi fighting with all his will to stay silent until he's forced to grip the edge of the desk

White knuckles, chewing on his lips as his cock throbs in your hand

Getting caught isn't in either of your agendas so the second you feel him gasp and throb in your grasp

That's when you lean in and coo softly as Atsushi cums all over a napkin you pocketed from lunch

Watching his thick creamy cum soil the paper as you pump him a few more times for good measures

Atsushi a little dizzy when you lean over and kiss him on the cheek

"Let's clock out, we're not done here weretiger."

Don't be fooled, Ranpo knows but all you have to do is slip him a snack heh

Second best bet to get him to do anything you want to

And if it's at the Black Lizard's base of operations while they're out?

Well that's just a free pass right there isn't it?

Chuuya's as easy as a book to read so when he's spent the last twenty or so minutes looking at you chewing gum and popping it with a satisfying snap

It's pretty obvious where his mind is

"Your coat hides shit when you're that hard Nakahara."

Que an outburst that only lasts as long as brushing his cheek and snapping the gum inches from his lips last

He cannot say no to the idea of your lips wrapped around his cock

And such a petite sized man makes for the neatest blow jobs <3

Ravishing him with your attentive tongue, even if it's bubblegum flavored spit, Chuuya can't keep his moans to a minimum as you take him all in your mouth

Dumb enough to let you do it nearly out in the open at the base

Doesn't matter bc his brain is in his dick and you can suck out every last braincell he has by slurping down his cum the second he twitches in your mouth

Chuuya does have nice tasting cum though ♡

Doesn't stop there though bc he's not about to leave something half done and the mission won't have anyone back for a while right?

Can't keep his lips off your clit in the moments you lick him clean

Expert little tongue with a man hungry for your juices won't stop the cascading orgasm that Chuuya draws from you

Clit throbbing against his tongue as he stuffs his gloved fingers in you just to ride out your orgasm

Man on his knees knows to lick his hand clean so there's no evidence to be found ♡

Evidence is found when poor Tachihara keeps walking in on Chuuya on his knees, RIP Tachihara's sanity

Sighs...the hardest just ton convince to have sex regularly

And if there's even a minor chance of getting caught, Akutagawa will not so much as allow a kiss on the cheek

That leaves getting, creative, to spice it up

Your best chance for a touchy Akutagawa is whenever he's recouping or down under the weather

And who doesn't get a little horny when they're sick?

"My...looks like you could use some help there huh?"

He might be laid up on the couch but Akutagawa is acutely aware of the half hard on you're spying through his clothes

Everyone does have their daily routine and daily missions and should be gone well into the evening

Perhaps indulging in the human touch wouldn't kill him when he thinks its in the clear

Poor thing sick like this but good thing his cock still works for you ♡

Snuggles quickly turn to some nice slow spooning sex

Wiggling your ass back on his hip bones to feel his cock twitch as deep in you as possible

Akutagaw groaning and gripping your sides with his face buried in the back of your neck

He's sick but god do you make him forget that for a moment

Grinding yourself on him in the tiny confines of the couch

Leaving his cock slick with your juices as you take the position as conveniently to let you play with yourself

Toying with your clit until you've lost the number of times you climaxed with him buried inside you

Each time making him moan harder and twitch inside you while just the simple sensation of your walls milking him makes Akutagawa wanna cum

But the second either of you hear the door creak, your bodies freeze

Covered in a blanket, tucked together on the couch, the rest of the Lizards can't help but comment on how cute it is that you're snuggling with the boss

Without knowing Akutagawa is pumping you full of cum bc the lil perv can't believe he got caught with his cock balls deep in you ♡

Again poor Tachihara knows but...alas is his cross to bare heh

[zukkaoru]

Drop some fluffy KuniChuu HCs?

fluff is not my forte so some of these lean more towards hurt/comfort but here you go <3

they enjoy cooking together!! kunikida actually likes cooking most of the time, but to chuuya, it's always been just something they have to do. until they start making meals with kunikida and then cooking becomes something they start looking forward to

chuuya calling kunikida "pretty boy" forever and always my beloved

chuuya stops by the agency office to have lunch with kunikida sometimes. especially on days when he knows kunikida is busy and will likely put off lunch (or skip it entirely) unless someone forces him to take a break from his work

when chuuya has bad pain days, kunikida will run them a warm bath and wash their hair for them and he'll kiss the scars corruption has left on chuuya's arms and while it doesn't fix everything, the warm water helps soothe the pain somewhat and just having kunikida there does make chuuya feel significantly better

chuuya stealing kunikida's clothes!! chuuya's favorite pajamas quickly become just one of kunikida's old t-shirts or sweaters. kunikida can't even complain bc he thinks chuuya looks adorable drowning in his shirts

chuuya wanting ceiling time™️ but also wanting to be with kunikida so they use their ability to bring kunikida to ceiling time with them,, and they just sort of sit on the ceiling in comfortable silence with kunikida holding chuuya

chuuya enjoys sitting on kunikida's lap. kunikida also enjoys chuuya sitting on his lap.

that being said, if chuuya thinks kunikida is doing too much work or he's bored waiting for kunikida to be ready to get lunch with him, they will just go sit themself on kunikida's lap and make it increasingly hard for him to actually get anything done until he just gives up

chuuya likes to call kunikida when they're having a slow day at work or just to talk while they have to do boring paperwork or whatever. also occasionally on the way to missions if the drive is a long one

speaking of driving. between the two of them, kunikida is usually the one to drive. this is because he is very very bad at being a passenger. it's okay though because chuuya very much enjoys just lovingly watching kunikida drive

however, when he's having a bad day with his hands, he will (begrudgingly) allow chuuya to drive instead

when kunikida drives, he very firmly always keeps both hands on the steering wheel. but when chuuya drives, they like holding kunikida's hand. kunikida tells them not to, but he doesn't ever actually pull away bc it eases his not-being-the-driver anxiety

chuuya painting kunikida's fingernails please i need it p lease--

chuuya flusters kunikida by flirting with him and calling him pet names. kunikida flusters chuuya through physical affection.

kunikida likes kissing the top of chuuya's head and also the freckles on their cheeks and shoulders. chuuya likes kissing kunikida's hands.

i just want them to be silly stupid in love they are so important to me!!!