#cky fics

[jackassbrainrot]

nasty new compulsion [dunn x f!reader]

desc: you're a part of the jackass crew. you and ryan are totally just friends ;)

a/n: another ry fic! touchy tease ryan >>>, can't stop writing him and oh my god this is so much longer than I expected it to be I just got sucked into it

warnings: smut, teasing, p in v, unprotected sex

Being Tremaine's assistant is a pain in the ass, or more accurately, he is. Despite having to listen to him bark out orders the entire day, working on the movie has been fun, especially since meeting Ryan Dunn. He's somehow the most normal of the cast and you two clicked the moment you met. Everyone knew you'd become the best of friends due to Bam's constant bitching about Dunn replacing him. You'd reassure him saying you'd never be as close to Ryan as he was, which was true, but you'd never tell him you were closer in other ways.

You were fumbling with some mics behind a trailer, when you felt Ryan's arms wrap around your waist. He rested his head on your shoulder, his beard scratching your soft skin as he places teasing kisses on your neck. "Aren't you supposed to be filming?" You try to shake him off gently, not wanting to get caught by the others, though you couldn't resist tilting your head to give him more access to your neck. "Mm, no, they're doin' the muscle stimulator thing, they won't be needin' me for a while." You can feel his sly smile against your skin, his lips travelling up your neck to whisper in your ear. "C'mon, I need you."

"Don't say that!" You finally turn around, breaking away from his grip, your voice coming out as a squeak. He chuckles lowly, looking down at you with lust filled eyes as he pushes your body against the trailer. One hand on your waist, the other holding the side of your neck as he kisses down it again, making your breath hitch. The warmth of his body leaves yours suddenly and you look up at him with confusion.

"I mean, if you're not up for it, I guess I'll go join the guys." He's gone before you even get the chance to say anything. You hear Jeff yell your name and you quickly straighten yourself out before getting back to work. For the rest of the day you stare daggers at Dunn, watching him wink at you with a knowing smile across his face.

You're sitting in the passenger seat of Tremaine's car, Knoxville and Kosick in the back, arguing over who knows what. "Hey, Jeff, can you do me a favor?" You ask quietly, trying to keep your conversation far from your other coworkers' ears. "Depends." He replies, suspicion in his voice. "How long do you think you could keep Bam out of his room when we get back to the hotel?" He pauses for a moment before speaking again. "You owe me."

When you get to the hotel, you jump out of the car, smiling at Tremaine before running up the stairs to Dunn and Bam's room. Bam opens the door, a half empty beer bottle hanging from his tattooed hand already. "Jeff told me to come get you." You blurt out before he even gets to say a word and he groans "Now?" He whines, sounding like a teenager whose mom just told him to clean his room. You nod, trying to hide your smile as Ryan steps up behind him. "Go, before he goes all directorzilla on you." Ryan says, earning a groan from the younger man as he walks out of the room. You watch him go down the hallway before Ryan pulls you into his room.

"He's gonna come back in a minute when he realizes Tremaine doesn't actually need him for shit." He says with a smug look on his face, contrasting the hands softly holding your waist. "I asked Jeff to keep him distracted for a bit." A wicked smile spreads over your face as you look up at him, draping your arms around his neck. "Oh, you little minx." He looks down at you, his light eyes dark with lust, as he walks back until his legs hit the bed, sitting down and pulling you onto his lap.

Your lips meet his in a desperate kiss, your hands tangling in his hair. "Aren't you desperate?" He mumbles against your lips as his hands slip under your shirt. "Your fault." You breathe out and he chuckles before unclasping your bra and taking it and your shirt off in one smooth movement.

"Let me make it up to you." He says, flipping you onto your back on the bed. He hovers over you, kissing down your chest as he unbuttons your jeans. You help him take them off and he unhooks the towel hanging around his waist, throwing it across the room. His mouth latches onto your nipple as his fingers rub your clit slowly, making you whine out his name.

Your hand drops down to his hair again, pulling at his golden strands, making him groan. He trails kisses down your torso, sucking a hickey over your hipbone, making you squirm. Going lower, he makes sure to kiss everywhere except your pussy. You let out another whine, trying to push his head down when his movements still, looking up at your desperate expression. "Can't even take a bit of teasing, huh?" He mocks. "I've been taking it the whole day, asshole!" You cry out in frustration.

"Alright, alright." He puts his hands up defensively, kneeling between your legs, wrapping them around his waist. He leans down to kiss you as his dick enters you agonizingly slow, dragging a moan out of your occupied mouth. Your hips buck up but he holds them down, pinning you down on the mattress as he keeps his thrusts slow and deep. "Ry, please, I need you to go faster, please!"

"You need it?" He teases, watching you nod frantically under him. Suddenly you feel yourself getting picked up off the bed as he flips you so you're on top of him. "Take what you need, then." You move your hips at a pace much quicker than his was, holding onto his tattooed arms to keep yourself balanced. His hands roam over your body as he watches you ride him with half lidded eyes.

As you feel your body going taut, tightening around his dick, you lean down to kiss him to silence the scream threatening to slip from your lips. His dick twitches inside you, pushing you over the edge as you moan into his mouth, feeling his cum spill into you. You collapse, falling on his chest.

"I'm not sleeping there, that shit's contaminated!" Bam's scream rings out through the hallway, Knoxville's cackle following right after. Both you and Ryan laugh, lying next to each other, exhausted. "Well, no need to sneak around anymore, huh?" You ask, making him laugh again, before you both fall asleep to the sound of Bam whining about you stealing his best friend and his room.

[babybammargera]

POV you’re the reckless grunge chick of the jackass crew

Always covered in bruises.

Getting scraped up and the boys covering you in cartoon bandaids (which are featured in most of your scenes at this point)

You’re like Steveo in the sense of documenting gnarly slams except you take pics with a Polaroid.

Longish nails that haven’t been broken during filming but are covered in chipped nail polish.

^Bam or Dunn probably painted them one drunk night bc they found a random nail polish at a party.

Nosebleeds from slamming are normal for you but surprisingly you haven’t broken it yet.

(as far as you know anyway)

Somehow always getting hurt in stunts when you’re paired up w Ryan or Steveo.

“Ow Ry your big ass foot went right into my ribs.”

Broke your arm within the same week Ryan did and Jeff was pissed.

He still refuses to let either of you hear the end of it.

He was also mortified seeing the two of you randomly smacking each other with your casts.

You bounce back from said injuries faster than most of the guys would.

And sometimes you pull off stunts the guys couldn’t and never let them live it down.

Annoying Spike Knoxville and Tremaine like it’s your job. Bc technically it is.

To be fair you bully all of them bc they do the same to you.

You’ve definitely tripped Dave before bc he made a sly comment as darf.

Honestly you probably need a shower but you’re still hot so.

Can’t keep up with things to save your life.

Never having clean clothes and ending up raiding all the guys luggage.

Like you’ve definitely stolen a pair of cleanish jeans from Steveo or Bam or Dunn.

And who knows how many shirts from the others.

CLUMSY

Not when it comes to stunts but outside of filming you trip on air or run into walls bc you’re not paying attention.

You’ve punched bam for laughing when it happens on more than one occasion

[downtownbunnybaby]

Johnny Knoxville x SNL Cast Member Headcanons

A/N: Ignore the fact the SNL cast and Jackass timeline is inaccurate. This is my fantasy, and if I want Bill Hader and Johnny Knoxville to interact...THEY WILL. This is the most self-indulgent thing I have ever written.

[Johnny Knoxville x G!N Reader]

Warnings: None. SFW.

Words: 601

The two of you hit it off instantly when he hosted Saturday Night Live. It was evident to everyone that he preferred your sketches, even pitching for you to be the second lead. Not caring that it was painfully obvious he was flirting with you. 

“So, I was thinking you and Bill can—” 

“Actually, can you be in it, doll?” 

After the week concludes, the two of you promise to stay in contact. You’re constantly talking over the phone and flying out to each other's cities. So it’s no surprise to your SNL friends and the Jackass guys when you announce you’re dating. 

During breaks, you fly down to LA, making several appearances in episodes of Jackass as a background character. Despite your longing to join in your boyfriend’s antics, Knoxville never allows you in the stunts. In fear of you getting injured. 

“Can’t have that pretty face of yours telling jokes with a bruised eye,” 

However, in the first Jackass, you finally appear in a stunt pranking your SNL family. 

“HI! I’m Y/N, and welcome to Studio 8H,” 

You and the Jackass group are running around, using shopping carts to crash into cast members’ offices. 

“Dave, why don't you leave a gift for Fred on his couch,” 

We all know Lorne Michaels wanted Knoxville to join the cast, so he doesn’t mind when Knox is around during the week or rehearsals. Or when you “accidentally” write sketches that are made for Johnny to be featured. 

“...So you don’t want Seth to play the character or Andy. So, who do you want to play them?”

“Well…there’s one person I have in mind,”

“It’s Johnny, isn’t it,”

“No—yes, it’s Johnny,” 

Both groups love your relationship. 

Your SNL family adores Johnny and has also hopped on the trend of writing sketches for him when he’s around or pritching stunts for him to feature in Jackass. 

“Y/N! Show Johnny this stunt I wrote for him,” 

“Will, this isn’t a stunt,” Scanning the script, you laugh at the proposal. “This is five pages of you and Knoxville going on a romantic date. I’m not going to let you steal my boyfriend." Snatching the script, Will mutters about knowing him first before storming into his office. Queue Jason Sudekis and Andy Samberg tossing their text seeing you reject Will Forte. 

The Jackass guys think you are the funniest person and constantly ask you to join their group. 

“Come on, Y/N, leave SNL and join us,” 

“No, Steveo, I would like to stay alive for my third season,” 

“Your loss,” He said, swallowing a goldfish. “You can replace Knoxville.” 

You convince Lorne to let Knoxville host again, and it’s the most-viewed episode of the season. The cast and writers write sketches that showcase not only you and Knox’s comedic chemistry but also romantic chemistry. 

Somehow the romantic date sketch Will wrote made it into the show. Of course, Will takes the opportunity to make you a waiter that gets obliterated by food and has to fall onto tables and chairs. Knox has one hell of a time pretending to be on a date with Will—occasionally breaking character from the insanity. 

In the green room, Johnny lets you know he only has eyes for you. The appreciation makes you late for your appearance on Weekend Update. 

Seth makes sure to comment on your shortness of breath and disheveled appearance. 

“You alright, Y/N? You seem to be out of breath,” 

“Long walk.”

“It’s five feet…and you rolled over.” 

Naturally, you and Johnny are infatuated with one another, despite being on opposite ends of the comedic spectrum. 

—

TAGLIST:

@asskickedbygirl @captainboomaray @morbidxmagic @spoookyberry

TAGLIST FORM

A/N: this is such a niche, and I'm probably the only person benefiting from these headcanons.

[bleach-boyz]

Chapter 1: The Chick Next Door

next

So your family moved next door to Dico when you were six years old, and although he was two years older than you, you became fast friends. This was mostly due to proximity and your parents' strong encouragement of you two spending time together (they were scared of you not making friends, which you admittedly had trouble with). Outside of that, though, you actually had a lot in common: you liked to watch the same cartoons and movies and loved to roleplay with your toys in each other's front yards. You were pretty inseparable until Dico’s first year in high school.

It wasn’t that you two made a conscious effort to stop hanging out; it was just sort of a natural side effect of getting older and going through your awkward phase. You both just became too aware of the way your friendship was perceived by others, and it made you insecure. There was no ill will, though, and you’d still stop and say hi to him and even occasionally go to a movie together if neither of you had plans. 

At some point, he started hanging around this group of boys; some of them were skaters, but if you ever saw them, they were usually just being loud and recording each other with a camera in Dico’s yard. Every time you had to interact with them, a ball of anxiety would form in your chest, mostly due to the fear of being the butt of one of their jokes but also because you were at an age where you couldn’t talk to a boy without blushing. 

Over the years, you grew to recognize all the members of Dico’s group and had your own assumptions and impressions of each of them based on the little interactions you had. The group gave off an air of immaturity, but there was never a time when they appeared to not be having fun. It made you a bit jealous that you weren’t part of a close group of friends like that. 

When Dico graduated, you assumed that that would be the last you’d see of those boys outside of school, but you found out from your parents that Dico wasn’t going to college and was going to keep living with his parents. You didn’t want to admit that you were actually glad to hear this. 

Your junior year was extremely uneventful. The boys used to provide occasional entertainment for you and the rest of the student body at school, but after Dico and a few others graduated, one of them was kicked out, and another dropped out, day to day became even more boring. You’d still see them messing around at Dico’s, but the visits became less frequent. 

At the end of that school year, Dico stopped you in your yard one day to tell you he was having a party at his house while his parents were out of town that weekend. You spent the days leading up to the party debating whether or not you should go. You stood in your kitchen an hour after the party started, staring at Dico’s house through your window. You only managed to force yourself out of the house after taking two shots of tequila from your parents liquor cabinet. 

- 

Walking out your front door, you can already hear the sound of the music blasting inside Dico's place. You worry about whether or not the sound would be enough to drive one of your more ill-tempered neighbors towards calling the police, but figure if that happens, it’s a short dash back to your place so you could probably avoid getting in trouble. 

You walk slowly over to Dico’s front door, following a group of girls whom you didn’t recognize, giving them a small, friendly smile when you accidentally make eye contact. They lead the way inside and seem to immediately bump into some people they know, leaving you alone in the entryway. 

You have an impulse to immediately turn around and leave, but then you see Dico and one of his friends rounding the corner and heading towards you. 

"Hey dude, did you just get here? You haven’t seen a tall guy with ginger hair running around here, have you?" Dico asks, stopping in front of you. 

"Uh yeah, I just got here, and no, I don’t think so.." you respond. 

"No worries, you need a drink?" Dico gestures back towards the kitchen. His friend elbows him and clears his throat. 

"I’m Raab, by the way. Geez, Dico, don’t you know how to introduce people?" The friend says, and Dico elbows him back harder. 

"Weren’t you the one who got expelled for smearing shit on someone’s locker?" You ask without thinking. Dico laughs and looks at Raab, who has a smug look on his face. 

"Your reputation proceeds you." Dico teases and then invites you both to follow him to the kitchen. 

In the kitchen, you see a few more people that you know are from that same friend group. Dico introduces you to each of them, and they all surprisingly recognize you as "the chick that lives next door." 

A couple drinks later, Dico corrals everyone to the basement, where a band has set up to play. The drummer was a tall, ginger guy who you realize must be the person Dico was looking for before. You also realize that he is in your grade, and you two have had a few classes together in the past year, but you can’t quite remember his name. 

The music is rock/metal in genre, so all the boys start moshing in the center of the room, which causes you to stay close to the back wall. At some point, a blonde guy comes up to you and wordlessly offers you another drink. After finishing it, you can say with absolute confidence that you are officially drunk. 

Following the set, a bunch of you go outside to smoke cigarettes and weed. You refuse the weed, knowing that you are already a little too far gone, but when that same blonde guy who gave you a drink earlier offers you a cigarette, you feel compelled to take it. 

"It’s Ryan, by the way." The blonde says while lighting your cigarette. You take a substantial inhale and, surprisingly, don’t cough despite never having smoked before. 

"I’ll try to remember that." You say and he raises his eyebrows at you. 

"Oh no, I just mean that like.. I’m drunk, and I’m not good with names." You backtrack, and Ryan chuckles. 

"You’re good."

The rest of the night is filled with cheerful conversation, and you end up going home feeling giddy over how well you got along with these people that you’ve been too scared to talk to for years. The entire night just put into perspective how silly you were to be intimidated by these guys.

You wonder why Dico suddenly decided to invite you to a gathering after you two had drifted apart. Part of you felt like he avoided having you around because you wouldn’t fit in or would embarrass him, though you knew that that was probably just your insecurities talking. Whatever, it was a conversation to be had with him some other day. 

Right now, you just need to go to bed.

——————

Hello! So this is the beginning of my CKY fic 🤭. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be interested but I already got a few follows which is so dope. I know this chapter is short but I just wanted to get something out there. The first few chapters are probably going to be similar to this in that I skip through some big periods of time and then drop in on events I want to show in more detail. If you have any thoughts or just wanna chat hmu! Thank you :)

[asskickedbygirl]

Hey there!

First of all: I love your work, you're doing a great job and I really love your writing style!

I'd like to request something (if you don't want to write that it's cool). I had some kind of a down time for the past few weeks and need something funny/comforting. I thought of maybe reader being a medic on the set of jackass and she and bam and Ryan had a troubled past. So when she sees them she's like "oh please don't get hurt" and the other boys are teasing her like "oh, are you worried about them?" And she's like "god no I don't want to see their faces more than I need to."

And bam or Ryan kinda start to like her and is jealous when the other guys try to flirt with her.

Can end in smut, even though I'm ace and not a smut fan, but the stuff you write is so good, I can totally live with that.

Thanks for your fics and happy new year!

Tell Me

[Ryan Dunn x F!Reader]

A/n: ASSKICKEDBYGIRL WRITING FLUFF FOR ONCE?!?!?!? 😱😱yeah there's a shock. thank you for the req sorry it took me a while to get around to it but thank you for saying that too!!! I've missed writing I wish I didn't have a life.

warnings: mentions of sex, alcohol, cursing

2.9k words

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"You might be busy today, looks like Bam and Ryan are gonna fuck something up." Jeff tutted, glancing over to where the crew were setting up.

"God I hope they don't get hurt."

Johnny overheard what you said, a smirk appearing on his face as he wandered over to where you and Jeff were stood.

"And why's that? You got a crush? Worrying your pretty little head over em?" He laughed, ruffling up your hair as you tried pushing him off.

"God no. I don't wanna see their faces more than I have to."

Johnny's brows narrowed, unsure of why you had some sort of vendetta against the two buffoons from West Chester.

"They went to high school together." Jeff answered Johnny's confusion for you before leaving the two of you be.

"Ah I see. One of them an ex or something?"

You shook your head, scoffing.

"Definitely not. They were just idiots that's all."

Johnny could tell you were leaving some detail out as you continued setting up your station, the job you were supposed to be doing instead of chatting with the star of the movie.

"Did they pick on you? Cause' if that's the case I can kick their asses for you. We'll call it reparations."

Johnny's sweet talking pulled a little smile from you though you kept your eyes trained on the ground, afraid you might fall into Johnny's sunken ones as crushing on coworkers was totally a no-go in the professional sense.

"No it's okay. They were kind of assholes to a lot of people so it's not really considered picking on me. Just boys being dumb."

Johnny nodded, biting his lip.

"Well hell maybe they've changed, they're only jackasses professionally now!"

You laughed, glancing up to meet Johnny's eyes.

"Yeah, maybe they just keep the assholery for when they're getting paid."

Before you could launch into any further discussion with the heart throb, the two cast members you'd least like to speak to darted over, calling your name.

"Did you miss us?" Ryan laughed, wrapping an arm around you like you were the best of buds.

"Can't say I did Dunn." You awkwardly shoved his arm off of you, trying your best to continue unpacking though Bam sitting on top of your workplace made that rather difficult.

"Oh come on, you had to have missed me after I dropped out!" Bam chuckled, leaning back, Johnny simply observing the mini high school reunion.

"I will say Bam, Raab shitting on those lockers was the best thing he ever did, got rid of the two of you!"

That's when Johnny finally interjected, laughing whole-heartedly and clutching his chest.

"Raab did what?!"

"You don't know this? Raab got expelled for smearing shit on a bunch of lockers so Bam dropped out." Ryan smiled, relishing in relaying the story despite the fact he wasn't actually there to experience it.

"Chris committed a string of shit related crimes but that one was truly the last straw." You nodded, smiling at Johnny's joy.

"Well hey, they were pretty funny, you have to admit." Bam extended his arm, attempting to grasp some humour from you.

"Funny isn't the word I'd use... disgusting seems more fitting. Plus you guys were dickheads back then."

Bam and Ryan matched faces of confusion.

"What are you talking about? We were dumb kids everyone just ignored." Bam said, Ryan nodding along.

"Seriously? You don't remember?"

There was an awkward silence then, Bam and Ryan racking their brains trying to understand what the hell you were on about.

"Remember what?" Ryan asked.

You bit the inside of your cheek, glancing between the two boys and remembering Johnny was right there too, witnessing this strange sort of confrontation. You weren't sure if you really wanted to unload the words that swirled in your head through in your teen years in front of the guy you kinda liked, the idea was not exactly appealing.

"Whatever, forget it." You bit your tongue, grabbing something and pretending you had something else to attend to when you were just desperate to make an escape.

***

After that awkward little encounter Bam and Ryan seemed to be making an array of unnecessary visits to your station, pestering you for band aids and asking if random bruises 'looked okay'.

"Bam you've had thousands of bruises in your lifetime, I'm sure you know that looks perfectly normal."

"Alright yeah, I just wanted to come talk to you before Dunn or Knoxville had a chance." Bam pulled down the leg of his pants as your brows narrowed.

"What are you talking about?"

Bam grinned at you, like he knew something you didn't.

"No it's nothing, I just like talking to you."

Bam's glimmering eyes were seeping into you but it wasn't really working, in fact he was becoming more of a nuisance than anything else.

"Well I appreciate the fact you enjoy my company but I'm kinda trying to work here."

Bam rolled his eyes, not giving up.

"Oh come on. No one's hurt you don't have any work to do, just tell me why I was an ass and I'll leave."

As soon as the words left Bam's lips a yell was heard where Johnny was performing a stunt followed by a 'Medic!" shout.

"Fuck." You muttered, grabbing your kit and running over to where Johnny lay clutching his ankle.

"I think I broke it." He spoke through gritted teeth, eyes shut tightly.

You removed Johnny's hand to see the area was already swelling.

"Help me get him to the tent, I have an ice pack there." You called out to someone, Ryan jumping into play as he swung Johnny's arm around his shoulder while you did the same with his other arm, helping him up and steadying him.

A gaggle of people tried to follow you along but you shooed them off.

"He'll be fine, Jeff can you tell everyone to fuck off please?" You called out, Jeff simply shooting you a thumbs up and waving away any stragglers.

As you, Ryan and Johnny eventually made it to the med tent to sit Johnny down, you noticed a stray had followed you along.

"I don't need both of you here." You called out to Ryan and Bam who both pretended to look mightily concerned as Johnny winced and you fetched the ice pack.

"I'll stay." They both said in unison, earning a glare from you.

"I think I can handle a sprained ankle guys, goodbye." You pushed Ryan and Bam out of your tent and closed the curtains, turning to face Johnny.

"Sorry about those idiots, they won't fucking leave me alone." You muttered, removing Johnny's shoe and sock and placing the ice pack on his swollen ankle, causing him to suck sharply through his teeth.

"You think I fucked it up badly?"

"Nah, probably just a sprain even though it might seem a lot worse, you'll have to use crutches for a bit though."

Johnny sighed, looking pissed off.

"Well there goes two weeks where I can't do shit."

There was an awkward silence in the tent then as you kneeled below him, lifting his foot with your hand to elevate it.

"You know they probably like you right?"

"What?" For being so irritated and in pain, Johnny was really gonna bring up Bam and Ryan?

"The idiots. They have massive crushes on you, I know it."

You laughed, shaking your head.

"You're delusional."

Johnny smiled, staring at you below him, rooting through your bag for bandages.

"I think I'm very lusional actually."

"Oh god, lusional? He's losing it nurse this must be something far more serious!" You laughed, wrapping the bandage tightly around Johnny as he laughed too, wincing through the pain.

Bam and Ryan stood outside the tent waiting for you, their ears only being filled with joyous laughter, their teeth now grinding together.

"Think they need help?" Bam folded his arms, beginning to grow impatient.

"She likes him. Of course she fucking does, what girl doesn't like Knoxville." Ryan spat under his breath, kicking the ground beneath his shoe.

"You know, maybe if we weren't such dicks in high school she might give us the time of the day." He added, turning away from the tent to fuck off somewhere, pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

"Come on dude, we weren't that bad." Bam called out but Ryan shook his head.

"Well clearly we were if she can't stand talking to us for more than two fucking seconds." He went off in a huff, regret coursing through his veins at the unknown actions of his teenage self.

Who knew being a bit of a dick in high school would come back to bite you in the ass?

***

It was a Friday night and the crew were off drinking at a local bar after a week of filming. Knoxville had been sentenced to two weeks on crutches and so was hobbling around the bar with them while Bam and Ryan were still falling over each other trying to talk to you. You sat in a booth next to Chris, sipping on your vodka soda and trying to ignore the pestering Bam who was getting more and more drunk by the minute when suddenly he spoke your name all serious.

"Just tell me how Ryan and I were such dicks to you in high school and I promise I'll fuck off."

You were pulled away from your lively conversation to be met with yet another awkward confrontation.

"Bam I don't wanna get into this, seriously." Bam threw his arm over your shoulder and pressed his finger against your lips.

"Just tell me! I'm sorry I was an asshole cause' now I really wanna bang you."

"Alright Bam! That's enough of that!" Like a deus ex machina, Ryan graciously came to your rescue, dragging his drunk friend away from you and pushing him towards another group of Jackass people.

Your eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape.

"Sorry about him, whiskey is like his truth serum."

You just shook your head laughing, still in a state of disbelief.

"Well I wasn't expecting a love confession to go like that."

"He has a way with words." Ryan laughed, shrugging.

"I'm going to the bar and am not ordering whiskey." Chris murmured, sliding out from the booth and leaving you and Ryan alone.

"So you and Bam really wanna know why I didn't like you when we were younger huh?"

Ryan took a sip from his drink, trying to act as if he didn't care as much as his inebriated best friend.

"I mean, kinda but- yeah. Yeah we do wanna know."

You laughed, shaking your head.

"Fine, I'll tell you."

Ryan's eyes widened.

"You will?"

"I will. but! only if you tell me one thing."

"Anything, what is it?" Ryan nodded enthusiastically.

"Do you have a crush on me too?" Your smile widened, eyes burrowing into his own.

Ryan laughed awkwardly, eyes spinning around the room trying to avoid your gaze.

"Oh come on, what are we 16?"

"Well you wanna know why I thought you guys were assholes at 16 so?"

Ryan bit his lip, considering his options when he just settled on biting the bullet.

"Fine. Yeah I do have a crush on you. That's why I wanna know why you're not giving me any chances so bad."

You smiled smugly, picking up Ryan's glass of whiskey.

"God this stuff really is truth serum!"

You both shared a moment of laughter before settling down.

"Alright I'll tell you. Sophomore year you were a Senior. I kinda liked your hair and I thought you were cute."

Ryan bit back a smile.

"I was at my locker and you and Bam were talking and I kinda overheard your conversation."

Ryan winced at that.

"Well that's never good."

You scratched the back of your head, smile faltering slightly when you remembered what you were about to spill, the alcohol in your system making your lips a little looser.

"Well you know I was pretty quiet in high school. Didn't really talk to anyone except my close friends."

Ryan nodded, straying away from any jokes as he noticed your change in demeanour.

"Since I was so quiet I could kinda fly under the radar, overhear things nobody thought I would hear, I was kind of invisible like that. Anyways, one day you and Bam were talking about girls."

Your eyes were stuck on the table, not wanting to look up and back out of what Ryan had lured you into saying.

"I noticed Bam kinda nodded his head towards me and asked you 'What about her?' I didn't hear the first part but knew it had something to do with sex or dating or whatever."

Out of the corner of your eye you could see Ryan was turning red, already embarrassed before he was even told what he had to be embarrassed about.

"And you said something like 'Fuck no she's a prude. Just an uptight bitch.'"

Ryan swallowed thickly, eyes flicking down to his shoes.

"Then Bam was like 'Yeah she's a cunt. Wouldn't fuck me if I was dying.' and then you just laughed and walked off."

There was quiet then, Ryan shaking his head and sighing.

"Look I don't hold it against you. You were just asshole teenagers and I'm sorry for acting like a bitch late-"

"No stop." Ryan stuck his hand out, interrupting your apologetic spiel.

"I was a fucking dickhead, I'm sorry for saying that shit, it wasn't even true."

You smirked, biting your lip.

"It was kinda true. Still is."

Ryan met your eyes then, his expression hiding a smile

"I just said that bullshit cause' I thought you were cute and I didn't want Bam to get his grubby hands on you."

You rolled your eyes, properly laughing then.

"Oh fuck off Dunn. Don't pull that 'He's only mean because he likes you!' shit on me now!"

Ryan shook his head, smile growing.

"I'm serious! Why do you think Bam and I are falling over our feet trying to talk to you now?!"

You narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms, smirk pulling at your lips.

"Are you telling me this whole time the older kid I thought was cute also thought I was cute?"

Ryan smiled before wetting his lips, arm moving himself closer to you.

"And what if I am?"

You laughed heartily, pushing Ryan's chest.

"Don't put your moves on me Dunn. Did you forget I'm a prude?"

He rolled his eyes again, chuckling.

"Come on let me walk you home before Knoxville breaks something else that you need to look at."

Ryan reached his hand out to pull you out of the booth.

"Jealous already Dunn? Guess you really are the type."

You allowed yourself to get dragged up, Ryan slipping his arm around your shoulder to usher you out of the bar.

"Hey where the fuck are you two going?!" Bam slurred out, bringing everyone's attention to you and Ryan.

You half smiled, unsure of what to say. That's when your eyes met with Johnny's as you witnessed him compute in real time what was happening. When he realised who you were going home with that night he simply smiled and winked at you. How was he always right?

"Taking her home asshole." Ryan called out, wasting no time in pulling you away, the urgency making you laugh.

As you walked down the streets of West Chester, Ryan's hand moved down to hold you by your waist, whispering crude comments about passer-bys in your ear to make you laugh when eventually you reached your apartment building.

"Thanks for walking me home." You smiled, holding your hand over where Ryan was holding your waist and turning to face him.

You looked into each others eyes for a moment, both of you smirking uncontrollably.

"I'd invite you in but, you know I'm a prude so."

Ryan rolled his eyes as you cackled, slapping his chest.

"I deserve that."

You smiled sweetly as Ryan did too, his eyes flicking down to your lips for a millisecond as your faces got closer.

"I don't think we should do anything tonight but..." You brought your hand up to rest on Ryan's cheek, rubbing his face with your thumb.

"I could give you something else." You whispered, leaning in and kissing him.

Ryan kept his hold on your waist but moved his other hand to touch your own face, deepening the kiss. He pushed your body to be closer to his own, moving his lips against yours roughly, beard grazing your chin. Before things could escalate any further you pulled away, allowing yourselves to catch your breath.

"You foiled my plan." Ryan laughed, brushing your hair off of your face.

"What?"

"My plan this whole time was to get the prude to sleep with me ten years later, it was strategy all along."

You both laughed.

"I see, you really plan ahead. I guess I'll just have to sleep with you now."

Ryan quirked an eyebrow at your obviously sarcastic response, resulting in a punch to the arm. You laughed pulling away from his hold on you.

"Goodnight Ryan." You turned your back to him and began unlocking the door as he still stood behind you. As the door opened you turned around, smirking before kissing him one last time for the night.

"Call me."

"I'd be an idiot not to."

"What's new?"

End.

@gnarkillknoxville @jackussy420 @lovexjoe @steve-osahottie @stratossphere @izzaaaaaa @jackassvivalabam03 @nonbinarypontius

[supermightyglue]

that cky girl

“do you ever get tired of eating shit?”

“do you ever get tired of being a bitch?”

[mr-knoxvillexx]

~Johnny Knoxville rp blog~

this is an rp blog based off johnny knoxville of jackass and big brother magazine. i will only answer in character as Johnny Knoxville. just ask anything this isn’t any specific time frame.

i am also open to in character replies from other rp accounts.

if you’d like someone ooc (out of character) just tag it with “ooc” in the asks.

my main is @starmangarrett

[ckygetsjobs]

can’t honestly tell me dico and bam haven’t thought about kissing each other

[welcometojackass2022]

y’all I’m very scared rn…the jackass/CKY/Viva La Bam hyperfixation I’ve had for over 6 months is slowly starting to fade and be replaced with a Jimmy Pop/bloodhound gang hyperfixation and idk what to do…im gonna be so sad and so so disappointed if I completely lose interest in Jackass and CKY

[bambimargera]

Vacation Babysitter (NSFW) Dico x Novak

No one trusts Novak alone in the house while the rest of the crew are out traveling, so Dico is appointed honorary babysitter.

Contains: Aggression, Dirty and Inappropriate talking, Blowjobs/Throat fucking, Consensual forcefulness, Water

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

“Just because ‘Boy Wonder’ says you have to babysit me, doesn’t mean you have to follow me from room to room, jackass.” Novak grunted, crossing his arms to turn in the door frame of the bathroom.

“I know, but I’m getting paid either way so I might as well get his money’s worth.” Dico snickered, playfully shoving the shorter man’s arm sending him tumbling backwards into the bathtub.

“Woah Novak, holy shit! You made of fuckin feathers?!” Dico yelled, baffled at what little effort it took to send Novak flying.

Dico stepped closer into the bathroom and the pair stared at each other in silence for a moment, before erupting into big dumb chuckles. “You look so pathetic like that” He sneered, looking over the sprawled-out addict in the tub.

“Well take a picture it’ll last longer.” Novak scoffed, attempting to lift himself from the awkward position. He put his hand against the slick wall, only for it to slip off and land bottom on the tub with a loud screeching thud. “Shut your fuckin mouth.” He growled, unsuccessfully cutting off Dico’s laugh.

Dico approached the bathtub and towered over the tub-thumping dirtbag. “You’re pretty defenceless, aren’t you buddy?” He smirked, lowering his voice to a dark tone Novak had never heard before- it scared him a little. Novak chuckled anxiously up to meet the other man’s eyes, “Looks like it, you’re loving this aren’t you?”

“Not yet.” Dico beamed, turning on the cold water to shower down at the unexpected man. “Now I am.”

Novak yelped out a high pitch scream and flailed around in the tub until it was slowly turned off. “You look like a drowned rat.” The dark-haired man’s smirk widened into a smile as he held the shower head above the nervous blonde. He waited until Novak’s eyes met his before turning on the water again and laughed maniacally at the mans pathetic whines. Shutting it off again, he snapped his fingers to get Novak’s attention. “You’re getting the bathtub filthy from your sick clothes, take your shirt off.” Dico demanded, impatiently snapping and pointing.

Novak smiled and winked at Dico, confident that he was just bluffing. “Easy killer.. buy me a drink first at least.” He chuckled, wiping the water drops from his brow. -Blast- The freezing water hit him hard and fast. “Did you think I was fucking joking? Take off your filthy clothes you dirtbag.” Dico insisted again, cocking an eyebrow in such agitation it almost seemed to say, ‘do not fuck with me’. Novak yelped out again, high pitched and out of breath- it was almost impossible not imagining he’d sound the same while getting absolutely railed... Dico couldn’t rid his mind of the thought of it. Novak’s small body twisted around showcasing his tiny waist, Dico needed him now. He slowly turned off the water and extended his hand to help Novak stand.

Novak’s expression dropped and he slowly positioned himself to stand, confused and dripping wet. He anxiously did a double take to Dico as he let go off his hand and sighed as he unbuttoned and let his heavy wet jeans fall to his ankles. Not wanting to lose this brave momentum, he quickly slipped off his dripping t shirt. A little uncomfortable, he attempted to cover himself up like a model from a swimsuit issue.

Dico grinned, sizing the pathetic man up and down. “Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to put you in your place like this?” That dark tone was back, and it made Novak shiver.

“So... humiliating me with water is your big ‘revenge’? Wow, well come on kil-“Novak’s mockery was cut short as Dico threw his hand around his throat, squeezing harshly. “I’m so tired of hearing you” he glared deep into the blue eyes, “I think we both know your mouth is better for other things.”

Novak reached up to grasp the hand around his throat and pulled it away slowly. He locked eyes with Dico as he carefully knelt down in the bathtub, resting his hands on the side like a eager pup awaiting a treat.

Dico hummed to himself, almost unable to believe he was really going to do this- after all the times he had ridiculed Novak for being such a man whore, he had let himself become captivated by those pretty eyes. He watched Novak’s face as he slowly undid his belt and unzipped his jeans. He paused for a moment to let the tension grow, palming himself with one hand and shower head in the other. “I cannot believe I’m saying this but…hurry up, don’t be such a cock tease.” Novak whined, staring longingly at Dico’s growing bulge that just so happened to be eye level. Dico scoffed at the unexpected words and slowly pulled down his boxers, his thick cock springing free to ‘boop’ the blonde on the nose. Not wasting anytime, Novak grasped the member and pushed it into his mouth, immediately setting a fast pace of coordinated movements.

“Fuck- just use your mouth, slut.” Dico gasped at the sudden warmth, throwing his head back in pleasure. He bucked his hips deeper into the mans throat feeling him choke slightly. Dico had forgotten all about what was in his hand, and accidentally squeezed on the shower head blasting Novak with cold water. Novak yelped around the dick in his mouth, sending orgasmic vibrations through Dico’s entire body. Dico looked down to see Novak’s eyes screwed shut, bobbing up and down on his dick like his life depended on it, and blasted him again. Novak whined loudly with a fully stuffed mouth, erupting a guttural moan from Dico who rested his free hand on the back of the greasy blonde head.

He weaved his fingers in with the hair so that he had a good hold and moved the smaller man’s head in faster rhythm. He pushed himself deep into Novak’s throat, feeling him gargle on spit that shot out around his dick in white foamy strings.

Novak was secretly enjoying every moment being used like this. He reached down to stroke his throbbing cock in a matching rhythm and moaned loudly even as the cold water was blasted down on his body once again. Dico raised one leg on the side of the tub and pulled Novak’s face closer, thrusting himself so deep down his throat that he wasn’t sure if the blue eyes were watering, or were wet from being blasted. He began thrusting so violently that Novak placed his wet hands against the moving thighs, desperately attempting to save himself the whiplash.

Dico was lost in pleasure, he couldn’t believe how good Novak’s mouth felt, and how good he was at taking dick. He couldn’t hold back his moans anymore and he let his mouth fall open as he pushed Novak’s head back and forth on his length, picking up speed with every thrust. “Fuck- don’t stop... Fuck I’m gonna cum, want me to cum down your throat, whore?” Dico groaned, he knew Novak was unable to answer, but he loved the vibrations he felt as the man attempted to say “yes please.”

Dico threw the shower head down and held the back of the blonde’s head with both hands, thrusting so fast that the ‘squelching’ echoed through the bathroom. Novak softly rubbed Dico’s thighs to ground him back to reality and looked up to meet his gaze with a teary doe eyes.

Dico’s thrusts hitched as he pushed Novak’s face completely down on his cock, shooting his huge load down the man’s throat. He held him there until the intense pleasure subsided, and slowly pulled him away with a long string of spit connecting to the swollen pink lips.

“Think you put me in my place enough? Or are you wanting more... ?” Novak spoke so softly it was almost a whisper. Dico smirked and shook his head, extending his hand once again to help Novak out of the bathtub- still naked, hard, and soaking wet.

“Oh my god what a whore...” Dico moaned out, looking over Novak’s cock dripping a mixture of water and pre cum. “You deserved every minute of that, and you loved it. Just don’t expect me to go so easy on you if you continue to be such a cock sucker all the time.” Although his words were harsh, he held the smaller man’s chin delicately with his fingers and pulled him in for a soft kiss.

“I um.. yeah.. I’ll behave myself, when necessary.” Novak winked and softly kissed back before retrieving his clothes from the tub. They smiled at each other as Dico stepped backwards out of the bathroom pulling the door behind him, “if you ever say anything about this to anyone I’ll hit you with my car.” Novak chuckled and nodded his head as the door closed, leaving him in privacy.

“What the fuck was that..” Novak thought to himself as he sunk down against the door like a giddy lovestruck teenager, “God, I really am a whore.”

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

idk man this just popped into my head and it needed to exist

requests open!

[jackassbrainrot]

Cky hcs as subs

a/n: thinking so hard meow let me fuck 'em, also added both male and female options because there's just not enough male reader shit out there

bam

He's the brattiest little bastard, mouthing off, teasing, doing everything to annoy you, but as soon as you snap, he's so obedient. He's such a masochist, loves it when you put him in his place, slap him, pull his hair, choke him, push him around. And he's loud. You have to keep his mouth full or covered with your hand because he can't control himself, poor baby. If you edge him, he will absolutely cry and beg for you to let him cum. He will cum instantly if you call him pathetic for crying. Loves getting called a slut, especially if you call him your slut. He's a bit of a pillow princess and he will absolutely make you spoil him after sex.

dico

Also a brat but an untameable one. He'll literally laugh in your face when you try to intimidate him and is the type of guy to go "that's all you got?" when you try to punish him. Sex with him is like a fight, he won't submit and you won't let him be in charge. He gets off on winding you up and he'd never admit but he loves when you get bossy. He'll always do what you say, but in his roundabout way to make himself feel in control. The most begging you'll ever get out of him is a desperate "c'mon please" if you're not letting him cum. Smug smile whenever he makes you cum but will be an absolute mess when he cums.

raab

Oh my god he's such a good boy. And he loves it when you call him that. Loves praise in general and will do anything to get it. Will absolutely call you mommy/ma'am/daddy/sir. "Am I doing good?" if you haven't praised him for what he deems to be too long. He's not really into pain, maybe some light hair pulling and choking but nothing too extreme. Loves it when you mark him up, especially if it's hard to hide. Melts at pet names and being called yours. Not really loud but very vocal, a lot of "please I've been good" and "all yours" and "you feel so good". Just the absolute sweetest boy.

rake

He'll do literally everything to please you. Eating you out/sucking your dick is his favorite thing to do, that man worships you. Will do anything you tell him to. Not really into the classic dom/sub terms like mommy, daddy, good boy etc etc. Loves praise but more in the way of you moaning and telling him he's making you feel so good than the way raab is into it. Not too into pain other than getting his hair pulled, especially during oral. Also really into casual dominance like when you tell him what to wear or choosing where you're going on a date.

ryan

Similarly to Rake, he's so into pleasing you. Always listens and does whatever you tell him to. Loves it when you make him wait, holding off on touching his dick or fucking him. Calls you ma'am/sir. He asks before he does anything, he's so polite it's adorable. "Can I please touch you, ma'am?" type shit. Loves it when you scratch his back or dig your nails into his arms or hips. Needs to be close to you when he cums. Babbling a million thank you's after he cums. Addicted to kissing every part of you, his mouth is on your neck the whole time you're fucking.

[babybammargera]

Cky crew member dating Ehren.

He’s a sweet boyfriend.

Holds your hand and gives you kisses all the time (not after filming the yellow snow cone bit tho)

Enjoys being with you even if it is with your idiot friends.

Jess and maybe Rake are probably the only ones who made fun of you at first.

I feel like for the most part the cky guys wouldn’t mind their friend dating Ehren.

Aside from Raab (if you’ve seen the clip you see where I’m coming from) but he’d mostly just be passive aggressive.

But the rest definitely find ways to annoy you about it especially if they wanna hang out.

The boys do prank him a lot when he’s around.

You really wanted to kick Bams ass after the tooth pull.

Bc now they say things like

“Where’s your toothless wonder?”

“Hey y/n do you keep Ehren’s tooth with you?”

Snowboarding trips w Ehren and the cky boys?

Having to hear about how bad the Mohawk is.

Ryan casually walking up after filming to steal part of whatever snack you’re eating and tell you

“Your boyfriend broke his tooth again and he slammed pretty hard”

Only for Dico to take the rest of said snack and say “dude he fell so hard it was hilarious”

Ehren mostly just rolls his eyes when your friends tell you before he can.

When you do go with him to set you probably make him ride with Bam and Ryan with you.

Same with premiers.

But he’s a good sport about it.

[downtownbunnybaby]

JACKASS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Jackass x G!N Reader

A/N: accidentally deleted the ask in my inbox requesting a Jackass Christmas special, so I really hope this reached the person who asked.

Description: Christmas Activities With the Jackass guys. Fluff. SWF. Once again Johnny Knoxville romance subplot. This came out a litte shorter than I wanted but at least it's here. It's more of a blurb than a full length fic but whatever.

Warnings: emetophobia, swearing, alcohol consumption, Bam being a flirt, MAJOR romantic Johnny Knoxville subplot, and general Jackass nonsense.

1,470K

From your days working at Big Brother Magazine, the Christmas parties always felt close to you. This year was the first official Jackass Christmas party, and everyone had the full intention of making it remarkable. 

You entered the elevator, heading to the floor the Jackass offices currently reside. You had spent all night baking an assortment of sugar and gingerbread cookies, and although you weren't the best, you still had an affinity for baking. As each ding signaled your destination, you grew increasingly more excited. Once the elevator doors open, a sweet familiar face greets you. 

“Hi, doll,” Johnny smiles, swiftly taking the container of cookies from your hands and placing a quick kiss on your cheek. “Notice anything new?” You smile at his outfit. You had purchased matching Christmas sweaters to wear to the party, but you had no idea Johnny would follow through. 

“You look amazing,” You say as you make your way to the party. 

“I had to let everyone know you’re mine,” It’s the last thing he says before you’re interrupted by your friends greeting and offering you an assortment of drinks and snacks. Festive ornaments and colorful lights decorated the room, and the smell of pine and cinnamon lingered in the air. You could only assume it was an attempt to mask the smell of cigarettes and vomit.  

Everyone was in the holiday spirit, laughing, joking, and sharing stories about their wildest stunts from the past year. You stood by the snacks, listening to Steveo retell how he made it into Big Brother Magazine. 

“Yeah, dude, I jumped into the freezing water because I wanted to be famous so badly,” 

“We almost ditched you,” Adds Tremaine, laughing at Steveo’s shocked face. 

“Not cool, man,” 

Preston and Wee-Man join you at the snack table as the conversation evolves into a bodily fluid talk. 

“Here! have a cookie,” The duo graciously takes your homemade cookies, despite the burnt edges and other “minor” flaws. “Good, right!” 

“A little burnt but still pretty good,” Says Wee-Man, taking another bite of the gingerbread man. Preston nods in agreement. 

“Yes! Here, let me get you a drink,” The two laugh at your enthusiasm as you pour them eggnog. Wee-Man does not hesitate to take the cup from your hand, the burnt part of the cookie becoming a little too dry in his mouth. However, Preston simply eyes the eggnog in the festive paper cup, shaking his head. “Don’t ever offer me eggnog again,” 

“Why? What happened? You ask, not understanding his deadpan expression and displeasure with eggnog. 

Laughing, Wee-Man reminds you of a skit from the Christmas Episode. “Frosty drank 100 cups of eggnog,” 

“So did I, and I can still drink eggnog,” You add, still not understanding his dilemma. 

Preston simply shakes his head in disbelief. “You gave up after 10 cups,”

Before you can respond, Spike announces that it’s time for secret Santa.

“I hope you know I’m offended by your comment, Preston,” You break into a fit of giggles, incapable of being solemn. It was your idea to do secret Santa, and you could not be more excited. Naturally, you gravitated to sit on the floor between Pontius and Knoxville. Chris grins, snatching the gift from your hand and viciously shaking the box. 

“...I wonder what’s in there,” Chris lets out his hearty laugh as you snatch the box back. 

“I guess you’ll have to wait because it’s not for you,” 

“Y/N,” Spike announced. “The floor is yours,” You stick out your tongue at Pontius before getting up and addressing the room.  

“As you all know, every year, I start secret Santa and set the bar extremely high,” You’re satisfied with the chuckles erupting in the room. “Bam, would you like to go first,” Again, everyone laughs at your subtle insult at Bam. 

Bam simply rolls his eyes but can't contain the slight smile creeping up as he shoves his gift bag into Ryan’s chest. 

“No way!” Ryan exclaims. “I got you, too,” Handing Bam his gift.

“How?! You rigged the game!” Steveo shouts, earning minimal groans of agreement.  

“We all randomly picked from a hat!” Ryan bites back. “You were there!” The two open their presents. Ryan is a little more careful than Bam, who opted to rip the bag instead of peeking inside it like a sane individual. They both had somehow gifted each other Westchester memorabilia. Dunn a T-Shirt and Bam a hoodie.

Chris went next. Pretending to place the gift in your lap, he swerves at the last moment placing it in Johnny’s hands and placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek. 

“Chris may be a sex symbol, but I only have eyes for you,” Johnny states, chuckling at Chris’ face of disappointment. 

Nearly everyone had received and opened their presents. You had lost track of the number of gifts opened because of the numerous cups of eggnog you had. A secret ingredient graciously added by Wee-Man. Of course, you were one of the few who still had a festive box in their lap. You’re pulled from your trance by Dave waving a small box in front of your slightly glossy-red eyes. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” He says, returning to his spot next to Ehren and Preston. You stared at the red and green striped wrapping paper, excitedly anxious to unwrap it. Ehren decided he couldn't wait and shouted at you, receiving a head slap from Dave. Your grin widened at the gift—a framed photo of one of your first skits together; Urban Kayaking. You enthusiastically showed the group the picture—you and Dave helping Ehren out of a fountain he kayaked in somewhere in Los Angeles. 

Finally, it was your turn to reveal your secret Santa, although it was already obvious who it was. Circling the room, you pretend to hand it to someone. Once they reach for it, you dramatically move on. Eventually, the gift lands in the lap of Spike Jonez. Shouting at him to open it, you stumble back to your spot on the floor. 

“Woah. Is this…” He says, in shock. 

“The first and only copy of the failed skate video we made,” You reply, giggling at his reaction. When you started working for Big Brother Magazine, Spike and you attempted to make a skate video. However, you failed to make any of the skate tricks. The video finished as a compilation of you eating shit for an hour and eventually scrapped.  

“Y/N, where did you even get the footage to make it into a DVD?” He asks, genuinely confused. As far as he knew, he lost the camera with the footage years ago. 

“That is classified,” You say, poorly winking at Tremaine, who had stolen the camera from Spike after an argument. 

As the group dispersed into smaller batches, Bam quickly grabbed your hand, pushing Dunn and Ehren away, who wanted to follow. 

“Oh, I see what he’s doing,” Says Ehren, catching the attention of Knoxville. 

“Should we tell him?” Ryan inquires. 

“No, I think Knox’s got it,” Adds Chris. The three men snicker as Johnny makes his way to an unbeknownst Bam. 

“Y/N, notice where we are?” Bam asks, hoping you’d look up on you’re own. 

“The doorway?” 

He huffs, gradually losing his patience with you. “Yes, but look—” 

“Bam, Jeff needs you,” Johnny interrupts, slightly pushing him away from you. 

Bam rolls his eyes, telling you not to move, and mumbling curses towards Jeff and Knoxville. 

Johnny’s fixed expression is replaced by his signature smile once he sees you. “Jeff doesn't need him,” 

You playfully hit his chest, flustered by his antics. “You did that on purpose, didn't you?!” 

Tilting his sunglasses so you can see his eyes, he leans forward, whispering. “Bam’s been trying to get you over here all evening,” Thinking his statement is a joke, you giggle but find no hints of comedy in his eyes. 

“What’s so special about a doorway?” 

Now it's Knoxville’s turn to laugh. You could be so ditzy. That’s what hanging out with a bunch of jackasses all day-every day does to a person. Regardless, Johnny liked you all the same. He softly grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up, and that's when you saw it—mistletoe. You couldn't help but grin widely—a rose tint emerging on your cheeks. 

“You do know what a mistletoe means, or do I also have to explain that to you,” He teases, enjoying how you roll your eyes and softy punch his chest. You’re quick to shut him up by pulling him into a kiss way too heated for the “work” setting. Unfortunately, the romance temporarily fizzles with gasps and shouts from Bam. 

“They’re together?!”

“Yes! Everyone knew except you,” Dunn replies, slapping the top of his friend's head. 

“Why does Knoxville get everything?! Christmas is about giving to others!” 

—

Merry Christmas from Jackass

TAGLIST:

@asskickedbygirl @captainboomaray @morbidxmagic @spoookyberry

TAGLIST FORM

A/N: I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

[bleach-boyz]

Chapter 7: The Date

prev. //

warning: nsfw/smut

The morning after that night out with Ryan and the others, you take your time waking up and greeting the day. You have a small headache from the drinking, but in the grand scheme of hangovers, it’s barely anything. After staring out your living room window for half an hour and having some coffee, you finally decide to call Jenn.

She had texted you after you fell asleep last night, asking you to tell her everything. You don’t know how she found out about you and Ryan’s escapade in the bathroom so quickly, but you know she’ll just keep bothering you until you tell her what happened.

“Hello?” You hear Jenn say on the other side of the line, and you can barely hear the sound of Bam and April’s voices in the background.

“Hey Jenn.” You say as you walk back into your bedroom and flop down in your desk chair.

"Shit, hey, hold on.” You hear her shuffle around a bit and tell Bam and April she’ll be right back. After a few moments of silence, she continues, “So what the fuck?”

“How did you find out?” You ask.

“Your little boyfriend isn’t very good at lying. I felt a vibe between you two, so after you left, I asked Ryan about it, and he tried to say he didn’t know what I was talking about, but it was clearly a lie. It was so unbelievable that Bam started interrogating him about it too until he finally spilled.” She explains.

“What did he say?” You start biting your nails.

“He was cagey, but basically that you guys like did some stuff in the bathroom. He wasn’t specific, but he seemed flustered.”

“Did he seem embarrassed?”

"No, I think he was probably just being vague for your sake, but like he seemed a bit smug, so whatever happened, I think he liked it.” She says. You sigh as you digest it all.

“I need the details, though, and if you don’t tell me, I’m gonna show up at your apartment and annoy it out of you.” Jenn continues.

“You have to promise you won’t tell Bam.” You say.

“Promise.” She says and you wish you could believe her.

"Okay, fine, well, so I did what you said and, like took some shots and psyched myself up. And then he came over to me, so I just mentioned how things were weird between us, and then I brought up when we kissed, and then I don’t know what came over me, but I asked him to meet me in the bathroom. When he met me, well, we kissed, and then I gave him head basically.” You recount, and when you’re done, you can hear Jenn laugh on the other end.

“Holy shit, that’s awesome; I’m proud of you.” She says in a genuine yet teasing way.

“Thanks.” You say sarcastically.

"Oh, come on, isn’t this what you wanted? Was it not good?” She asks.

“No, no, it was good. I just know I’m gonna have to have a talk with him soon about what it all means or whatever.” You say.

“You sound so grumpy, though. Things are moving; you should be happy!” Jenn says and you know she’s absolutely right.

"Yeah, I know—wait, hold on, I’m getting another call.” You say as you pull your phone away from your ear. You see that it’s Ryan, and your breath hitches.

“Uh Jenn I gotta go.” You say.

“Is it Ryan?” She asks playfully.

“Goodbye.” You respond as you hang up on her and answer Ryan’s call. You try to slow the beating of your heart.

“Hello?” You say.

"Hey, it’s Ryan.” He says and you can’t help but smile at the sound of his voice.

“What’s up?” You ask, wondering if he was calling to bring up last night or if there was some other reason.

"Well, uh, I guess I’ll just ask—are you free tomorrow night?” He asks, and you feel your face flush.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” You say and hope your voice doesn’t waver too much.

"Nothing; I just wanted to hang out.” He says and your leg starts shaking up and down.

“With everyone?” You ask, making sure there isn’t any way you’re misreading his intentions.

“Uhhh, no, I was just asking you. But if-“

“No!” You say a little too loudly. “That’s cool. Did you want to meet somewhere or..”

“I’ll pick you up. Is 8 good?” He asks, and you feel giddy.

"Yeah, that sounds good.” You say, grinning from ear to ear.

"Alright, I’ll see you then.” He says.

“Okay.” You say and you don’t know if you should hang up or not.

“Okay.” Ryan replies quickly before hanging up himself.

No one called it a date, but it’s a date, right? You’re choosing to assume so. In all the years you and Ryan have been friends together, he’s never once asked to hang out alone with you, which is kind of weird when you think about it. Sure, you’d end up alone sometimes when you’d break off from the group for a bit or be the last ones left at the bar, but this is extremely out of character.

It’s actually very him to ask you out in that way—so nonchalant and unconcerned. Ryan is usually a very expressive guy, fueling conversations with raging opinions and lively banter. He only ever reels back and plays it cool if he’s nervous and feels like there’s someone to impress. Your heart flutters thinking about how you may be one of those people now.

Except he doesn’t need to impress you; you know that. You’ve seen Ryan do some of the most disgusting and embarrassing things imaginable, and none of it was ever enough to deter you from developing feelings for him. The last thing you would want is for him to not be himself around you.

Historically, your interactions have always been twinged with an air of cheekiness, but in the past few months, it’s been more awkward than anything. You know this is largely because of your unacknowledged feelings, which were only exacerbated by what happened when you were filming Haggard. It wasn’t just you who had changed their behavior, though, because around the same time, Ryan had started to put on his aloof, cool guy persona with you. At first, you thought it was because he was uncomfortable, but now you understand it was possibly because he also had some unacknowledged feelings of his own.

If anything, you’re just hoping the date will allow the two of you to clear things up. Get everything out in the open.

That night, you suggest to Dico that he maybe try to spend the next night elsewhere. You attempt to be vague about it, but there are only so many reasons why someone would want to have an apartment to themselves.

The next morning, while you are eating breakfast, Dico launches himself out of his room.

“You’re going on a date with Ryan?!” He asks as he comes up behind you and shakes your shoulders. You can’t help but laugh as you try to shove his hands off of you.

“Who told you?” You ask as he moves away from you to the fridge.

“Bam did, obviously, though I do wonder why my roommate and best friend couldn’t tell me that the real reason they need the apartment to themselves tonight is cause they’re fucking Ryan Dunn.” He says as he grabs the milk and fixes himself a bowl of cereal.

“I’m not gonna fuck him! Well, actually, I might, but I don’t know; you guys make fun of me for everything; I just wanted to see how the date went first.” You say, and Dico rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. I guess I should be glad you won’t be laying around here all depressed about him anymore.” He jokes as he eats his cereal at an alarmingly fast rate.

“Shit, he’s probably freaking out; I’m gonna call him.” Dico says as he puts his half-empty bowl down and pulls out his phone.

“Don’t do that,” you start as you get up, reaching out for Dico’s phone. You don’t want him messing anything up by teasing and meddling. He laughs and runs to the living room, avoiding you, as he puts his phone up to his ear. You cross your arms and glare at him.

“Voicemail.” Dico mouths to you after some silence.

“Hey Ryan! Heard about your big date tonight. Just wanted to let you know that I won’t be home, so feel free to have sex at whatever volume-“ Dico starts, and you lunge at him, eventually wrestling his phone out of his hand.

You look down to hang up and see that Dico had never even dialed Ryan’s number.

“You’re a dick.”

You spend the rest of the day trying to distract yourself from thinking about the date. You watch some TV, go for a walk, and listen to music, but none of it really calms your nerves. You can’t help but bite your nails and zone out every few minutes, imagining what will happen.

You start getting ready at 7, not entirely sure what to dress for. You don’t really expect Ryan to take you anywhere too fancy because it’s not his style, but you still want to put in some amount of effort. You opt for well-fitted jeans and a tighter t-shirt than what you’d usually wear. You also put on a bit more makeup than you usually do for your everyday. 

He arrives in his car around 8:10, and when he pulls up, you wonder why you agreed to let him drive. Ryan is a notoriously reckless driver, as evidenced by his many accidents, and usually you all avoid getting in any car with him. You suppose you’ll just have to put up with it tonight, though.

Ryan hops out of the driver's seat and walks around the front of the car to greet you. It’s a little weird because you can tell he doesn’t exactly know what to do, but you end up having a casual side hug before he opens up the passenger door for you.

“How chivalrous.” You joke as you get inside.

“What can I say? You look great, by the way.” Ryan says as he smiles and closes the door for you. He then walks back around the car and gets in the driver’s side. You can’t help but blush at his compliment.

“Thank you; I can’t believe I’m letting you drive me, though. When did I get so careless with my life?” You say cheekily as he starts the car.

“I’ll behave. Also, we’re all careless with our lives; it’s what we’re paid to do.” He says, and you roll your eyes.

“So where are you taking me?” You ask.

“I was thinking we could grab dinner at this Thai place that just opened up by that biker bar I like downtown. After that, we could get a drink or something.” He says, and you nod. It isn’t the most grand or romantic date idea, but that doesn’t bother you at all. You are actually glad the plan is something casual, as it takes a lot of the pressure off both of you.

On the car ride over, you stick to small talk, mainly movies you've seen recently and random anecdotes. Once you make it to the restaurant and order your food, though, you’ve run out of trivial things to say.

It‘s after a particularly long period of silence that you finally break the ice. “I’m glad you asked me to come out tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” He says and shifts around in his chair.

“It’s a date, right?” You ask boldly to settle the matter once and for all.

“Well, yeah, if that’s alright with you.” Ryan says and smiles.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.” You respond, smiling back at him. You feel both relieved and excited now that it’s official.

“So you like me then?” Ryan asks with a smirk, and you laugh.

"Yes, I do." You start to wonder exactly how honest you should be about the breadth of your feelings for him. You don’t want to freak him out, but you also think that getting it out in the open would feel really good. Perhaps if he wasn’t somebody you trust or know so well, you’d hold back, but in this moment, you are compelled to let it out.

“Well, if I’m being honest, I’ve liked you since shortly after Chad and I broke up. I just never knew how  to..." You say, trailing off. You are waiting for some sort of reaction from Ryan, maybe disbelief or amusement, but he doesn’t give you anything.

“Does that not surprise you? It’s okay if you wanna make fun of me or something; it’s kinda pathetic that it took me so long to do anything.” You say, hoping to God that it at least didn’t freak him out. After a moment, he chuckles, and you tilt your head in confusion.

“To be honest, I think I’ve liked you since the moment I met you.” He says plainly. Your eyes widen, and you don’t know what to say.

Only Ryan would know how to say something so big and affirming in such a nonchalant way. It’s like everything suddenly makes sense. You two were always inevitable, and not in some fairytale way, but in a way that’s far more simple. You’re just compatible; you fit together; you've been drawn to each other for years. Something was bound to happen.

“So that makes me way more pathetic than you.” He adds after some silence, and you shake your head frantically.

“No! No. Wow, it’s just that I’m a little confused; how come you never said anything?” You ask, equally flustered over his confession and in awe of how easy it was for him to say it. He doesn’t appear to be overthinking like you at all; he seems so at peace with himself.

“Well, it takes me a long time to figure feelings out cause I’m an idiot, but, well, so I first realized I liked you around the time you and Dico moved into your first apartment together, which I told you about a while ago.” He starts, and you nod, hanging on every word.

“But I thought you weren’t interested, so I moved on and you dated Chad, but after you guys broke up, I kinda thought about it again, but I was stuck in that nightmare relationship, so I ignored it. But then, after she and I broke up and I got over it, I realized I was still into you.” He says.

“But I didn’t ask you out earlier, mostly because I’m a dumbass, so please accept my apology.” He adds, and you shake your head and smile.

“We’re both dumbasses; I should have said something earlier too.” You say.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna be mentally kicking myself forever.” Ryan jokes.

“Don’t do that, I’m here now.”

The rest of the dinner is lovely. Now that everything is out on the table, you’re both noticeably more comfortable in conversation. Additionally, you learn that Ryan has a tendency to be heavy-handed with flattery when it comes to someone he likes. He starts dropping random compliments and calling you cute and such; at first, it’s a bit embarrassing to hear, but over time, you start to like it.

After you finish your food, Ryan suggests you go to the bar down the street. You agree, and you end up sitting intimately at a high table for a while, just talking about nothing. He offers to buy all your drinks, even though you make it clear he doesn’t have to. He jokes that it’s a “first date thing” and after tonight he won’t stop you from buying your own.

Around midnight, you see a group of guys your age walk into the bar. Among them, you make eye contact with someone you hooked up with over a year ago.

“What’re you looking at?” Ryan asks, and your eyes snap back to him.

“Nothing, sorry.” You smile and take a sip of your drink.

“You’re a terrible liar.” Ryan says, and you see the guy and his friends heading towards you.

“Hey.” He says in a flat tone as he passes by and looks between you and Ryan.

“Hi.” You respond as disinterestedly as possible. Luckily, he and his friends continue past you to another table.

“Who the hell is that?” Ryan asks, seemingly annoyed. You look back and see his friends laughing at him as they all glance over at you.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” You get up and put your jacket on, wanting to get out before answering any questions.

“Do you need me to go over there?” Ryan asks in a protective manner. You know Ryan isn’t the type to get confrontational or fight anyone, but you appreciate him looking after you in that way.

“No,” you start, and you put your hand on top of Ryan’s. “I appreciate it; just go close your tab and meet me outside.” You say, and he nods and gets up, but not without sending some glares over to the guy and his friends.

You head outside and light a cigarette, and after a couple minutes, Ryan meets you out there. You hand him a cigarette and signal for him to follow you on a walk down the street.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be weird,” you say and start to feel shy. “I hooked up with that guy a couple times over a year ago, and he got kind of—I don’t know, possessive?”

“Hmm.” Ryan hums as he listens and walks aimlessly down the street with you. You’re both probably a little drunk at this point, so you aren’t exactly moving in a straight line.

“We only hooked up two or three times, and then I stopped contacting, but then he wouldn’t stop calling and leaving me weird, drunk voicemails and stuff. So seeing him just kinda freaked me out.” You ramble and keep your eyes forward, trying not to trip on the pavement. Ryan continues to listen quietly, and his silence makes you a little nervous.

“Do you think I’m like, a slut or something?” You ask even though you know it makes you sound insecure. In the past, your friends have made little jokes about your sexual escapades anyway, so you want to know what Ryan specifically thinks.

“Have you met my ex-girlfriend?" He jokes. “As far as I’m concerned, you can do whatever you want when you’re single. If anything, I’m just jealous of this guy.” He says, and you stop in your tracks.

“Jealous?” You ask. Ryan turns and looks at you a bit mischievously. His cheeks are a little pink from the cool air and the alcohol. You feel compelled to kiss them, but hold back.

“I think you know what I mean.” He says, and you shake your head.

“I don’t know if I do.” You lie and move closer to him. You truly hadn’t thought much about whether the night would end in something physical, but you certainly aren’t opposed to it.

“That he got to fuck you.” Ryan says in a low voice, and your face heats up.

“Interesting,” you say with a cheeky smile. “Dico isn’t home tonight.”

Ryan raises his eyebrows, and you can tell desire has taken him over by the way he looks at you. It turns you on to think about how you’re the one making him feel this way.

“Let’s go.” You say and turn back towards the parking lot of the bar, Ryan following close behind.

You suggest calling a taxi, but Ryan is too stressed about his car being left in the parking lot of a biker bar. You concede, but insist on being the one to drive you back, even though you know you don’t have any business being behind the wheel in your current state. Ryan ends up complaining the whole ride about how slow you are going, but his criticisms only end up making you laugh.

When you get back to your apartment, you tell Ryan to grab himself a beer out of the fridge while you do a quick tidy-up of your room. After throwing away some trash and tucking random clutter under your bed, you come back out to see Ryan sitting on your couch with a beer in hand.

“Just throw something on; do you want some pretzels or something?” You ask as you head into the kitchen. You are having a drunken craving for something salty.

“Sure.” You hear Ryan say and then the sound of your TV turning on. You grab yourself a beer and bring a big bag of pretzels into the living room with you. You plop down next to Ryan, who is flipping through the channels. He finally settles on some cheesy horror movie.

You two spend around a half hour making jokes and bantering while only half watching the movie. Once you’re both done with your beers and the pretzels are gone, though, you feel the vibe starting to shift.

After trying to pay attention to the movie for a minute, you look over at Ryan, who is already looking at you. You smile.

“It’s getting late.” You say and look at the clock on your wall; it’s almost 2 a.m.

“Yeah..” Ryan trails off, and you see his eyes flick down to your lips.

You scoot closer to him on the couch and wait for him to make the move. After a couple seconds, he grabs the side of your face and pulls you in for a kiss.

It’s gentle at first, but you both slowly melt into it, letting it build. You place your hand on Ryan’s leg and, after a few moments, pull away from the kiss. Ryan looks a little confused.

“Let’s go to my room.” You say, tilting your head in the direction of your door.

You and Ryan get up, and you turn the TV off before guiding him into your room. When you’re inside, you close the door and turn on your dim desk lamp, just so you can both see a little bit.

Ryan then suddenly grabs you and starts kissing you again, running his hands up and down your body. You’re a bit surprised by his eagerness, and you end up backing up against the wall as he touches you.

You cup his face as you kiss him back, doing your best to keep up with his pace. Not long after, Ryan goes to lift your shirt over your head and throw it on the floor. He seems much more confident and intentional with his actions now than a couple nights ago. He clearly wants to take the lead, so you let yourself be compliant.

After groping and kissing you a bit more, his hands drift down to the waistband of your jeans. He unbuttons them after unbuckling your belt, and you gasp when he abruptly shoves his hand into your underwear.

He kisses your neck as he begins to roughly rub your clit, and you moan as you feel yourself getting embarrassingly wet.

“Fuck, Ryan.” You whisper before he lifts his head back up to kiss your lips again.

After abusing your clit for a bit, he shoves his hand down lower to slip one finger inside you. You groan as he pumps it in and out of you a few times before adding a second finger.

His fingers stretch you out nicely as they are substantially bigger than your own, and Ryan pulls away from your lips to watch your reaction as he slides them in and out. You would feel embarrassed by the obscene noises being made by your wetness as he fucks his fingers into you if he himself didn’t seem so into it.

He gives you a quick peck before pulling his fingers out, and you whine at the sudden loss.

“Get on the bed.” He instructs authoritatively. You quickly do as you’re told and lay down on your back on the bed, waiting impatiently for what’s next.

Ryan moves over you and pulls on your pants, yanking them all the way off of you.

“Take off your bra.” He says, and you do. He stares at you quietly for a bit, and you feel very vulnerable.

“I’m gonna pay you back.” He says as he starts dragging your underwear down. You blush as you lift your hips up to help him, and you feel so exposed. As attracted as you are to Ryan and as much as you want this, it’s still weird to think about being naked in front of someone you’ve been friends with for so long.

After your underwear is off, Ryan comes back up to kiss you again, and with that, you relax a bit. He soon leaves your mouth, though, planting kisses down your neck, then your chest, then your stomach. You groan and look down as he finally places his head between your legs. He looks up at you before he kisses your inner thigh.

“Please don’t tease me.” You say, lightly pushing his head closer to your vagina with your leg. You can hear him snicker softly as you feel his hot breath on you.

You’re about to continue complaining when he finally starts to lick you. You let out a heavy sigh of relief as he flicks your clit with his tongue at an increasing rate.

“Fuck.” You say as you reach down to grab onto Ryan’s hair. He hooks his arms under your legs to pull your pussy even closer to his face, and you know you’re not going to last long if he keeps up this same intensity.

After some time, he moves his mouth away and brings his hand over to rub at your clit furiously. He looks up at you, his lips shiny and his eyes glazed over, and you swear you’ve never been so attracted to someone in your life.

He looks back down to slip his middle finger inside of you, and you squirm. He then drives a second finger inside you as his tongue darts back to your clit. You moan salaciously as you push your hips forward, wanting more and more.

It isn’t long before your breathing and moans become faster and more uncontrollable, and your grip on Ryan’s hair gets even stronger.

“Ryan, I’m gonna,” You get out as you feel the pleasure wash over you and you reach your peak. You feel yourself clench around Ryan’s fingers and your back arch. Ryan holds on tight to you as he gets you through your climax, not stopping until you’ve finally calmed down. As he pulls his fingers out of you and his face away from your crotch, a wave of exhaustion hits you.

You pull Ryan’s head up to kiss you with the hand that is still gripping his hair. He complies, and you can taste yourself in his mouth.

“Shit,” you say as you pull away, “who knew you’d be good at that? I thought you were the guy who’s bad at everything.” You joke, and Ryan rolls his eyes.

“Give me some credit.” He responds as he lays down beside you.

You look down to see the prominent bulge in Ryan’s jeans.

“I can help you with that.” You say and he lifts an eyebrow.

“Okay, but I’m not gonna last long. Like at all.” He says as he gets up and takes his pants and shirt off.

“That’s fine,” you say as you scoot yourself up so that your head is resting higher against the headboard. “Just come here.”

Ryan gets back on the bed, straddling you, with his erection pointing straight towards your chest. His cock is red and leaking, and you can tell he wasn’t joking about not lasting much longer.

You spit on your hand and then wrap it around Ryan’s cock, yanking it aggressively.

“Kiss me.” You say and he nods and leans down to kiss you as you keep jerking him off at a rapid pace. His cock gets wetter as your spit mixes with precum and you can tell Ryan is on the edge.

“Shit.” He pants before his cum suddenly sprays onto your tits, neck, and chin. You’re taken by surprise, but keep your cool as you stroke him down from his high and he catches his breath.

“Shit.” He says again as he moves back a little and sees the mess he made. He zones out as he takes you in for a moment before getting off of you and laying back down on your right.

You roll towards him and give him a couple more kisses before breaking apart and smiling.

“I’m gonna clean myself off; have you gotten a good enough look?” You tease, and Ryan examines you up and down before nodding. You giggle and get up, putting on some clean underwear before heading to the bathroom.

After you clean yourself off, you go back to your room and look for a clean shirt to wear to bed.

“Have I told you how hot and sexy you are?” Ryan asks with a smile from your bed. You laugh and grab an oversized CKY shirt from the floor and throw it on.

“I don’t know if you have.” You say as you flop down onto your back on the bed next to Ryan.

"Well, you are,” he says as he turns and drapes his arm across your stomach. “And after tonight, you’re never gonna be able to get rid of me.” He continues as he closes his eyes.

“Feels like a promise and a threat.” You say as you turn on your side, away from Ryan. He adjusts his arm and pulls you closer, so he’s spooning you.

“Exactly.”

————————

Been a minute! Trying not to run out of steam with this one, hopefully people are still enjoying it. I’ll still hopefully finish this story but lowkey if anyone wanted to send me one shot requests or something that could be kinda fun 🤔

@arsonistsloth

[asskickedbygirl]

The Other Woman

Bam Margera x F!Reader & Ryan Dunn x F!Reader

Desc: You’re who Bam comes to whenever Jenn’s away, and Ryan thinks you deserve better than that.

A/n: this came to me randomly and i had to get it out… also first time writing on a laptop so format is different lol! listened to a lot of jeff buckley while writing this too

Warnings: smut (18+), angst, p in v, cheating, oral (f!receiving)

3.5k words

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“Pssst. C’mere Trouble!” You whisper-shouted out to Bam’s cat from your bedroom door, attempting to lure him inside. It became routine at this point for the cat to sleep in your room, after all you were the one feeding it and emptying the litter box even if Novak claimed he did it. Eventually the black and white pet wandered lazily into your room after you rattled a plastic bag of cat treats to sweeten the deal. Almost immediately after you shut the door you heard a knock from outside, another thing that became routine...

You opened the door reluctantly to find a shirtless Bam, not that him being shirtless was out of the ordinary or anything. He wore that same look you knew all too well as he pushed the door to be more ajar, allowing Trouble to run right back out.

“Hey it took me a fucking age to get him in here in the first place idiot!” You waved the bag of treats around animatedly making Bam narrow his brows. 

“You keep cat treats in your room?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Not the point.” Bam took this as his queue to push himself into your room despite your attempt to bar him. 

“No, not tonight Bam.” You tried to avoid eye contact but he just kept pushing, closing the door behind him as you both spoke lowly. 

“Come on. Jenn’s finally out of town for once.” You swallowed thickly at the mention of her name and Bam picked up on this. 

“You’re not starting to feel all guilty now are you? You and Jenn don't even like each other!” 

You shot Bam a nasty look. “We like each other!’ 

He simply scoffed. “Oh yeah like you even speak at all.” 

“Well who’s fault is that, huh?!” Bam rolled his eyes and bit his lip.

“Don't get all mad at me tonight. Come on I know you want this.” He leaned closer to you, neck bent so your faces were close together, your breath hitching as you tried to delay the inevitable. 

You folded your arms and looked him in the eyes, which certainly didn't help. God he looks sexy when he's needy. He wet his lips and took your wrist in his hand, leading your own down to his crotch, palm feeling the tent in his pants. 

“Feel how bad I need you.” 

You thought of a million things you could’ve said to him. Tell him to go jerk himself off, call Jenn if he needed to fuck that bad, even to just get the fuck out but none of those options seemed tempting. In fact the only thing you really wanted to give in to were his enticing lips, practically begging to be kissed. And that's what you did, crashing yours onto his. He always made it so you made the first move, probably some fucked up little game of his.

 As much as you hated yourself for what you did, you always found yourself under him or on top of him, his lips on yours and hands clutching at every inch of your body whenever Jenn was out of the way. You always tried to keep your noises quiet, whimpering into his mouth or biting down on your hand but you could never be silent enough, the guys giving you awkward side glances each morning after, no matter how hard you tried to hide it, they knew. You hated how their eyes bored into you, feeling the judgement sink into your skin even if they were as much your friends as they were Bam’s. But you’d much prefer judgement over the dreaded... pity. 

Pity. Fuck pity. It’s not like you’re not complicit in what you and Bam would do, it was your fuck up too, not just his. You resented the fact you might be viewed as a poor little damsel, the other woman, the one waiting on Bam’s knock on your door like your prince charming had finally arrived. You wanted to fuck him too, not just be fucked. You were getting something out of this whole deal as well, or so you told yourself. 

That night it was rather quick, no stretched-out foreplay just him inside of you in a matter of minutes. You were conscious of the fact that with each thrust of Bam’s hips, your headboard would lightly hit against your wall, the wall of which you shared with Ryan. Already your head was swarming with imaginings of the looks he would give you in a couple hours, your cheeks now burning from something other than your impending orgasm. You shoved your face down in the pillows to muffle the sounds of your moans as you reached your big finish, Bam’s hands holding your hips with force as he continued to plow into you. Your tightening around Bam lead to his increasing moans and even tighter grip on your waist, thumb pushing into the flesh forcefully. With a final statement of “I’m gonna come.” Bam spilled into you, letting out a loud groan the others had to have heard. 

After a few seconds of panting stillness, Bam removed himself from you and fell flat on his back beside you on the mattress, stuffing his dick back in his pants. You rested your head against his chest for as long as Bam deemed it necessary before he stood up and picked up his sweatpants, ready to head back to his room. He never spent the night, too afraid of the tenderness.

The next morning was about as awkward as you anticipated, a brooding silence falling upon the group as you ate the breakfast Ape kindly made for you all. Bam was always good at pretending nothing had happened and that everything was normal, you not so much. Your eyes were shifting all around the room to avoid Ryan’s gaze that kept falling onto you, much too embarrassed to address anything. When the others were distracted by something in the living room Ryan finally opened his mouth.

“Thin walls.” You felt the toast you had eaten get stuck in your throat. Sure you knew that they knew but this was really the first time it was being talked about in the open, the topic was unainomously agreed to be taboo, you figured. You swallowed the food and scratched the back of your head, still not looking Ryan in the eyes.

“Not like I’m proud of it.” You started chewing the skin off of your lips, a nervous habit. You felt Ryan move his chair closer before he spoke your name in a low drawl. That's what forced you to make eye contact. His eyes weren’t cold and judgy but appeared soft, almost too soft. 

“Don't go around pitying me. I know it’s fucked up, I’m not being used.” You spat, a little more harsh than you intended. Ryan just tilted his head.

“Oh yeah? He comes to you for no reason at all then, just your company?” Tough fucking love. You knew deep down Ry was right, that Bam was using you for sex and nothing more. You weren't even sure if you were doing it for a rush or for sex but it wasn’t because you loved him or anything, you didn’t. Even still it was easier to act angry than actually call out the truth.

“Fuck off Ryan. It’s none of your business.” You scowled, shoving your chair back and standing up, ready to go off in a huff. 

“Stop doing it to yourself.” You rolled your eyes at Ryan's words.

“I don't need your sympathy.” And with that you were off to your room, ready to sulk for the day.

Over the next month or so you dwelled on the thoughts Ryan’s snarky comments brought up. “Why do you do it?” The question stuck in your brain like gum in your hair, bothersome and stubborn to get out. It wasn't until the night Jenn got home after a particularly long period away that it dawned on you. That night your bed felt so empty and your body so cold and untouched. You needed the warmth, the body, the feeling. When Jenn was around you were practically ignored and so you longed desperately for Bam to notice you, to talk to you, to touch you. You didn't want him, you wanted the thing he gave to you that you didn't get very often. Attention. 

Jenn and Bam were fighting more often now, you knew this not just from the sounds of yelling and smashing coming from their room but because the knocks were becoming more frequent and your sex even rougher. He used you to take out his anger, tight grip in your hair and hand over your throat, tightening with each thrust. He enjoyed the fact you let him do whatever he wanted to you, that you weren’t like Jenn, kicking up a fuss at every given opportunity. In fact you were obedient, opening your legs and presenting your mouth for fucking whenever he needed it. You liked the feeling of being needed, that Bam wanted you. However those emotions were often overshadowed by the fact you felt pathetic. Humiliated that you allowed yourself to be used so explicitly. Now your were beginning to pity yourself, the very thing you hated most.

After another night with Bam, Ryan’s eyes burned into you. 

“Can you stop looking at me like that?” You muttered so only he could hear, the others talking and laughing loudly on the other side of the table. Ryan continued to stare, leaving you to glare at him.

“You deserve better.” He spoke and you scoffed. 

“Can we stop with this? I’m an adult I can make my own decisions”

“Bam’s an asshole, just stop doing it to yourself.” You felt your face begin to burn, eyes flicking up to meet his, no pity in them anymore but they looked almost pleading. 

“Why do you care so much?” 

“Because I care about you.” 

The words stuck around in the air for a while, unsure if you should respond or not. Ryan was sweet, he didn’t deserve the rude comments you were snapping back with, you were just too stubborn to admit he was right. You bit your lip, eyes meeting his. Then you got up and walked away, leaving Ryan at the table. Ryan had recently bought an apartment in West Chester and seemed to be spending more and more time there after that whole encounter. You weren’t sure if they were related or not but you didn’t want to think about that. 

Jenn was away again and this night you and the crew went out, not something very unusual but Ryan skipped out. You didn't think much of it seeing as you didn’t see him too often anyways but a little part of you missed him, that wasn’t something you wanted to unpack today. Nevertheless you all ended up at Kildare’s, drinking beers and playing pool pretty horribly. It was you and Bam against Dico and Raab and the two of you were doing really badly but still having fun. You liked when you were just being normal together, talking and laughing and having a good time. That was until he got more touchy, hand resting on your lower back and guiding your body as you played. No matter how natural he made it seem you felt ashamed, embarrassed that the others were seeing you act like that right in front of their eyes. It didn’t seem all that bad when it was behind closed doors but it being opened up for them all to see? That's when you felt used, like this deal was no longer fun, that the shame was truly outweighing whatever attention you got. 

After trying to avoid Bam the entire night his knuckles hit against your door once again after you all got home. You sighed, knowing that you'd have to shut him down for good now. Really for good. 

“I can’t.” is all you said when you opened the door just a crack, trying to avoid his eyes. He didn’t listen, pushing your door open and letting himself in.

“Come on, don't be like that.” You shook your head, trying to swat away his hands that held your face.

“I can’t do this again Bam.’ 

“You say that every time.” Your stomach turned, you weren’t gonna let his blue eyes persuade you again. 

“I mean it this time. I’m really done with this, it’s fucked up.” Bam rolled his eyes.

“Every time you say that and yet every time we do it. Can’t we just skip the whole moral thing tonight?” You glared at him, feeling utterly disgusted.

“You don't get it.”

Bam scoffed. “Get what?”

Your cheeks burned red. “They don’t look at you like they look at me.”

Bam looked confused. “What the hell are you talking about?”

You felt you eyes begin to well up, pushing Bam’s arms off of you. “The guys. it’s humiliating.” Bam looked at you like a mad woman.

‘”I don't want to be your other woman anymore. The girl you fuck when you’re bored.” Bam scoffed again.

“Are you serious? That was the whole fucking deal! Don’t act like you’re not getting anything out of this either.”

“Really Bam? Tell me what I’m getting out of this then!” Bam tried to hush you which just angered you even more. 

“Keep my voice down?! It’s not like they don’t know anyways!” You yelled, Bam gritting his teeth together. 

“What the hell is the matter with you, huh?! Why now? Why is this suddenly a problem now?!” You contemplated for a moment as the tears continued to fall. 

“Ryan was right, you are an asshole.” You could’ve picked anything Ryan had said to you right then, but you just said the thing you knew would hurt him the most. And with that you grabbed your car keys and ran out of Castle Bam with Bam shouting down at you to wait but you didn’t listen, clambering into your car and speeding off. Your brain was hardly working then, too many thoughts circulating around to even consider what you were doing until you were outside Ryan's apartment, banging on the door in just a baggy t shirt and shorts. 

When the door opened your body acted before your mind did, flinging yourself on the unsuspecting man and kissing him with such force. Once he realised what had happened his hands held your hips as he kissed you back, walking backwards to let you in. He shut the door behind you and pushed you into it, your kiss becoming more and more heated. 

“Sorry for being an asshole.” You murmured against his lips, pulling away just to say it. “You were right.” 

He laughed, his beard rubbing against your chin. 

“Been waiting for you to say that.” You pulled away and grinned at him, removing your shirt in one swift move, leaving yourself in just a bra and skimpy shorts. 

“Been waiting on a lot of things I bet.” Ryan grinned and bit his lip at your forwardness, nodding as his hands roamed down to grab at your ass, moving you both to his bedroom. You continued to kiss as you pulled Ryan’s shirt over his head as well, sitting on the edge of the bed and kicking your shorts off while Ryan shimmied off his own pants.

“So what changed?” Ry asked, moving you onto your back as he started to kiss down your neck, fingers already working at unclasping your bra. 

“Don't know.” You giggled as the pecks moving down to your collarbone tickled your skin.

“Maybe I missed you more than I missed him.” Ryan smiled up at you at that, fingers sliding under the band of your panties at your hips. Your breath hitched as his lips made it to your tummy, kissing you softly. 

“Is this okay?” He whispered against your skin and you nodded, granting him permission to pull your panties down. His own breath hitched as he saw you completely exposed for him, not because he could do whatever he wanted to you but because he could finally make you feel good. He started littering kisses on the inside of your thighs, wet hot ones. Your heart continued to beat steadily fast the closer his lips got to your heat, your back arching once he finally reached that place. He planted a kiss on your clit before moving down to your centre, hiking up your leg so it went down his back as he drove straight in. Your moans increased in volume the longer he went on and the faster he got, tongue moving in and out of you. 

You shifted around the place, bucking up into his face and hand finding itself gripping his hair. That's when his hand moved up and began rubbing circles in your clit as he tongue-fucked you. He looked up at you and god were you a sight for sore eyes. Your cheeks were a splotchy red and your hair was splayed out, bare chest rising and falling as your features contorted with pleasure, sweet noises and whimpers leaving your parted lips. Ry felt himself grow hard as he observed the way you looked when he was giving you that pleasure, blissed out and needy. He continued at it, this time sucking at your clit as his fingers moved in and out of you, your moans only getting louder.

“Fuck Ry, I’m close.” You moaned out, fingers tightening their hold on Ry’s hair. He didn’t respond, only moving faster and faster until eventually you finished on his fingers, his tongue replacing those as he sloppily made out with your core. It took you pushing his head away to avoid overstimulation for him to pull away, lips glistening with your slick. He smiled as he licked his lips, wiping them with the back of his hand and crawling up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself from his tongue.

“Where the fuck did you learn that?!” You laughed against his mouth, hands resting on his cheeks.

“I’m a good listener.” He grinned stupidly back, lips moving back to kiss you as your hands drifted down to pull his dick out. It wasn’t long until he had his boxers kicked off and on the floor and his cock in your hand, pumping him slowly, your lips still touching. You arched your back and brought your arm up to rub circles into Ry’s jaw, encouraging him to enter you. You winced as he did, the pain just a little intense but his soothing hand on your waist made it bearable. 

“You okay?” Ryan whispered and you nodded, holding his face and kissing him until he began to move. He was a lot slower and gentler than you thought he’d be, his scruffy beard and persona didn’t ring true all the time you supposed. Soon enough Ry’s pace quickened as he nipped at your neck, your fingers threading through his hair, moaning into his ear. You could feel his thumb press harder into the flesh of your waist as he lifted himself up from your neck, hips snapping forward. He pushed some hair off of your face as he continued to fuck you and the look he gave you could’ve made you come right then and there. His cheeks were flushed as well as yours and his hair was all messed up from your hands and his eyes were almost completely blown out, looking down at you like you were the only girl in the world. You lifted your head up to kiss him but it was more like lips touching as you whimpered and moaned into his mouth. 

After a few more thrusts you felt yourself inch closer and closer to the edge, moans getting louder the closer you got. 

“I’m close Ry.” You whispered, kissing him right after you said it. He didn't respond, only going faster, determined to make you finish and he certainly succeeded. Your legs began to shake as you came, the orgasm washing over your entire body as you threw your head back, mouth hanging open and eyes shut tightly. Ryan thrusted a couple more times before pulling out and finishing on your stomach, his cum painting your skin as you settled.

Before you could even move Ryan was already up fetching a towel to wipe you down, dragging it across your heat gently as well as your tummy. You sat up on your elbows as you observed Ry struggling to put his boxers back on. Once he finally succeeded, he turned to face you, smiling like a schoolgirl when he saw you all splayed out for him. 

“Been a while since a pretty naked girl has been on my bed.” He giggled, clambering into bed beside you and pulling you to lie on his chest. You grinned too as he played with your hair.

“All this time I’ve been fucking the wrong guy.” 

‘Well I could’ve told you that.”

End.

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