#clari talks sex

[inkykeiji]

Hi Clari! I hope you're doing well<3 I wanted to ask you a question because you not only seem to be comfortable sexually but we also share a lot of preferences! You were the one who got me on board with stepcest with our favorite Touya-nii~ Anyway, I am painfully shy about sex despite being in a long-term healthy relationship. I noticed that when you write Reader, we have similarities in being both shy and kinda desperate, but Reader seems to be more able to be vulnerable. You talk about your sex life and seem to be well-oriented, so I was curious about where you get your confidence from? Is it something you even think about? Even if I want to explore my kinks I tend to freeze up so do you have any advice?

hi anon bb!! thank you luvie i hope you are as well!! <3 ooh this is an interesting question!

so, like tnii’s reader, i am actually also super shy when it comes to sex. i’m a little brattier than she is, but for the most part i am still rly rly shy. my boyfriend knows this; we had a long discussion about it, because it concerned him a little—like why am i still shy when i feel comfortable and safe with him? etc—and we came to the conclusion that it most likely has roots in trauma & how that affects/has affected my self esteem. we also came to the conclusion that i really DO want to speak up more/be more vocal and gave him permission to gently (or not so gently sometimes ehehehehehehe) push me to tell him what i want, to use my words, etc etc. and even though it lights my whole body on fire because i feel sooooo embarrassed and shy, it’s also rly hot and i always feel like ??? i dunno, this sense of relief almost? it’s like this gush of pure love for him that surges through my veins after he gently coaxes things out of me, like i’m proud of myself for doing it and he’s proud of me and i love him so much for understanding and for helping me, and us, find ways to work through/with my shyness.

in general tho i am also a very shy person, at least when i first meet someone! i become more vibrant and chatty after i get to know them a little better but those beginning stages always have me like >.< waaaaah hehe

so, unfortunately, my advice is just talk about it. i know that sounds obvious, but open + honest communication and trust are both so important, like in my opinion they’re two of the foundational keys to a healthy relationship. maybe you and your partner can find some ways to work with your shyness that work for the both of you the way my boyfriend and i did! additionally, it seems like you have a general idea of what the root cause of this is, noting that you struggle with vulnerability, so if i were you, i would explore that first and foremost and try to get to the bottom of those feelings and why they exist; like why do you struggle with feeling vulnerable/allowing yourself to feel vulnerable? what is it that makes you feel so shy and self conscious? etc etc. i think that if you can get to the root cause there it may help you a little in moving forward and solving this problem!!

i also have this ask which gives some general advice for talking to your partner about your kinks!! in this ask the kink in question is a daddy kink, so tw for that <3

i hope this helps a lil anon bb <33

[i-am-trying-my-best-okay]

Literally all of The Shadowhunter Chronicle romances are completely unhinged it’s not even funny (I lied, it’s very funny). Here’s just some examples:

William “Will” Herondale/James “Jem” Carstairs + Theresa “Tessa” Gray: It totally would have been a vee type polyamorous situation if it wasn’t for all the death and 1800s London society going on.

Henry Branwell + Charlotte Fairchild: How dare this misogynistic society put us together, I mean, we wanted to get together anyway, but not for those reasons. Welp, time to be as unconventional as possible.

Gabriel Lightwood + Cecily Herondale: Look, you made fun of my sister, it’s only fair that I marry your sister; that’s the rules.

Gideon Lightwood + Sophia “Sophie” Collins: Dad, I have a perfectly valid reason to betray you and go to the other side. What your doing is wrong and – nO tHiS haS nOThiNG to do wiTh tHeIR mAid wHy wOUlD yoU eVEn sAy tHat?

Jesse Blackthorn + Lucie Herondale: Your request to not be brought back to life has been denied, deal with it.

James “Jamie” Herondale + Cordelia Carstairs: He didn’t commit arson we were just having sex – why are you all looking at me like that’s worse?

Anna Lightwood + Ariadne Bridgestock: Listen, there’s a lot of society going on right now, so we’re going to have to get together in secret. Oh, you don’t want to? Okay, never mind, fuck society, let me win you back real quick.

Christopher Lightwood + Grace Cartwright: Oh good, you broke into my house, now we can talk about science.

Thomas Lightwood + Alastair Carstairs: I’d really like to hate you, but I think the biggest problem with that is that I love you. Once I get over that hurdle, I think we’ll be in the clear.

Lucian “Luke” Graymark + Jocelyn Fairchild: Good job on us for breaking away from the genocidal cult run by our best friend/husband; we should hook up, you know, as a reward.

Jonathan “Jace” Herondale + Clarissa “Clary” Fairchild: Ayo the same guy conducted experiments on our blood, that’s crazy; btw so glad we’re not actually siblings.

Alexander “Alec” Lightwood + Magnus Bane: Marrying each other is against the law? Okay, fine, I’m a law biding citizen. Oh oops, I made it legal. I am the law now, and I want a wedding on the beach.

Simon Lovelace + Isabelle Lightwood: It makes sense to have our engagement party on the day of my brother’s death, that’s when we really started bonding.

Helen “Alessa” Blackthorn + Aline Penhallow: Well, I guess we’re going to go in exile together. Yes, I said together; your exile is my exile, what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, that’s how relationships work.

Julian Blackthorn + Emma Carstairs: Yes, it’s a technical war crime to love each other, but the law itself is not really our main concern about it.

Kieran Hunter + Mark “Miach” Blackthorn + Cristina Rosales: We’re really living that cottage core aesthetic, and all we had to do to get here was do a small war and some amnesia. Worth it.

Gwyn ap Nudd + Diana Wrayburn: I’m going to stand by just in case something happens, but it probably won’t, she knows what she’s doing – WHY IS SHE JUMPING OUT THE TENTH STORY WINDOW OH MY GOD WAIT

Tiberius “Ty” Blackthorn + Christopher “Kit” Herondale: We take cosplaying Sherlock and Watson VERY seriously, so of course we needed to go to all the most illegal places, it’s only natural.

Ash Morgenstern + Drusilla “Dru” Blackthorn: So anyway I saw them in a sort of fever dream like state this one time and they’ve still been on my mind for years.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

the post about the chess cheating is just flat out lying about a bunch of stuff by the way (i tried to explain how but it had kinda rant-y vibes for some reason so i guess i'll just leave it here? what a useless ask to send you. sorry)

Honestly every single version of that post, both for and against, has SOMETHING wrong and a bunch of people claiming other people are wrong without any sources and it's all a mess, but what's making me slowly morph from "Raised Eyebrow Disapproval" to "Actual Genuine Anger" is that absolutely no one seems to be paying attention to the important part: which is that this has rapidly become a gleeful global homophobic smear campaign against a 19 year old.

Like... I dunno, maybe this is part of my Generational Queerness, maybe this is just viscerally reminding me of George Michael being arrested, and Michael Barrymore being hounded out of public life and his career destroyed, and Julian Clary being intentionally driven off television. Each of these men were arrested or accused of other crimes. But each of them was really accused of being gay. And those stories followed this exact same pattern this one is: a sensational, lurid, gossipy and undeniably homosexual detail is taking centrepoint in every single discussion by press, pundits, critics, and public alike. The rest is secondary.

What mattered with George Michael was not the public bathroom - it was that he'd gone there to have sex with a man. What mattered with Michael Barrymore was not that someone tragically drowned in a pool at his house party - it was that the victim was his boyfriend and the party had gay sex in it. What mattered with Julian Clary was not that he told a risque joke in his comedy set - it was that he talked about being a gay queen.

What matters with Niemann is not that he cheated. It's that he "probably" used vibrating anal beads to do it. You know: like a big gross queer would.

Like... I cannot stress enough to any of you that I do not give the remotest shit, at this point, whether he has a history of online cheating, or whether his opponent actually just fucked up the game that day, or even who started the anal bead rumour and why. I could not give less of a shit if I tried. That is not even in the same league as the important part of all this. I do not care.

What I care about is the undeniably ghoulish glee with which the international press have leapt upon this and are spreading it about. What I care about is the way celebrities are wilfully spreading it about. What I care about is the way the public are sharing it with exactly the same shrill, giggly, high-on-drama hysteria that I remember them sharing about George Michael, and Michael Barrymore, and Julian Clary.

What I care about is that this is a homophobic witch hunt. A homophobic smear campaign. Against a 19 year old who may or may not even be gay, but that's definitely the direction the press (and their followers) are going to want to push this.

And I increasingly care about the way none of the rest of you seem to give a shit about that, when to me it is so luridly, flagrantly, and screamingly obvious.

I dunno. As I say: maybe this is just part of my Generational Queerness. Maybe I'm pattern matching. Maybe I'm seeing ghosts.

Maybe not.

[c0llisiion]

BEYOND BOUNDARIES PT.2 - k.th

♡pairing : kim Taehyung x f!reader

♡: dom!kth , sub!reader , smut, unprotected sex (practice safe sex!) , teasing , cheating reader and kth , name calling ( slut, bitch ) slight fluff(?) at the end , not proof read - lmk if i missed any <3

W/c : 939

A/n: this took longer than I expected even though it’s pretty small. Went through a slight block nd im not rlly that proud of it huhu! Hope its up to par:))

Pt.1

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ MDNI. Please refrain from reading if the topics make you uncomfortable. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Your phone rang. Eyes open wide in shock and not knowing what to do. Your Heart was beating at an inhumane rate, scared of what’s to come. Taehyung stopped before looking over at the bright screen. Your boyfriend’s name in big bold letters was displayed on the screen. He pulled out of you before picking up the phone from the ground. “Heh.. he must be worried.” He said as he brought your phone closer to your Vision. “Taehyung. Do not pick-“ “woops!” .

“Yn? You there,love?.” Using all your strength you picked yourself up. The phone right in front of you, your hands on either side. You heard your boyfriend’s voice call out again. “Hellloooo? Is everything alright?” As you were about to respond, taehyung slid inside of you once again. A smug smile was on his face. A soft whine left your lips as you feel him fill you up. A very audible whine. Your boyfriend called out once again. “Yn? Where the hell are you and what are you doing?” He sounded stern. “Huh? What? Sorry! I was just doing something and um..” you trail off thinking of a believable excuse. “I was just um…” Taehyung thrusted in. “Ah..! i was doing something and i kinda messed it up ahahahaha!” It came out like word vomit and you were sure your boyfriend wont believe it. “Oh? Okay good good … where are you tho?” He believed it. You were more than relieved. Taehyung leaned in closer to your ears before whispering “good girl..” his long fingers found your overstimulated clit and started toying with it. Your hand desperately was trying to push his hand away to avoid any grunts or sighs from leaving your mouth. But he was stronger and bigger. The struggle was useless. “Im um… hhh- in clari-nghh… Clarissa’s place.” You blurted out. You feel taehyung slowly moving in and out. His pace increasing. “Oh okay okay, when will you be back?” Taehyung once again leaned in. “Tell him you are gonna stay over at ‘clarissas’ place, alright?” His other hand wrapping around your neck pulling you closer to his mouth. You nod as he presses into your neck. “I might stay- Fuck!” Taehyung thrusted in you with force which made you curse out loud. “Yn???? Is everything okay????” Your boyfriend asks sounding very concerned. “Yes yes… I just um… dropped an equipment.. yeah! I just dropped this huge equipment on my feet! Haha…” i turn my head to face taehyung who had a stupid smirk on his face acting like nothing happened. “Oh well.. be careful okay? Does it hurt?” Taehyung was starting to grow impatient. “How long is this fucker gonna take?” He mumbled under his breath. You glare at him before responding. “No no! Im fine… hey listen i gotta go and just finish this off. ‘clarissa’ is being a huge bitch rn because im talking to you…” i glare at him again. “…I might stay over at hers because we might take time in completing so dont wait up. Sleepwell. I will see you in the morning okay?” Your boyfriend hummed in response. “You too. Dont overwork yourself. I love you.” “I love you to-“ taehyung reached over and cut the call before throwing your phone away.

“Taehyung what the fuc-“ he shut you up by plunging into you with no mercy. His hands went back to your neck pulling you back a bit. You felt the knot in your stomach form again as he drilled into your pussy. “Im gonna fill you up yeah? Gonna fill you up with all- hhh.. my cum, ya heard that slut? Yeah?” He sounded angry. Tears dripping down your face as you nod at his every word. “Speak up bitch. Tell me. Tell me you want me to fill you up so you can walk around with my cum dripping out of your pussy. Not his. But mine.” His thrusts were getting more harsher. He was jealous. “Yes…yes! Please I want to be filled with your cum only! Just you! I want it to be always inside me! Please…nghh- taehyung!” You cried out. Chanting his name in between loud pornographic moans. You hear him chuckle behind you. His grip on your neck loosens and you fall face down onto his pillow. thrusts got more sloppier and loud grunts were leaving his mouth. “Im gonna cum in you doll… gonna fill you up- fuckkkkkk… im gonna-“, you screamed out as you finally let go. Squirting down on his sheets and some hitting his abdomen and thighs. You clenched onto his dick for dear life, as the orgasm was too overwhelming. That was the last straw for taehyung as white cum painted your abused walls when he finally came. His eyes closed shut and head thrown back as he stabled his breath. Sweat was trickling down from his neck to the base of his cock. He stayed in you for a few seconds before pulling out. He admired the mess you made and took his phone to snap a picture of your cunt. You on the other hand were shaking. The aftermath of your orgasm hitting you. He pressed your body into the bed and laid next you. He pushed your sweaty hair from your face, grazing his long fingers on your tear stained cheeks. He leaned down and kissed your forehead, softly massaging your lower belly. Your eyes were closed and your breath was coming out in quivers. You chose to stay silent and just melt into his touch.

His hands went lower and hooked under your thigh. “Round two?”

A/n: im thinking of making this a series, should i? Not rlly sure but I hope you liked it^^

[penny-anna]

while im talking about the Elagabalus thing, while i was refreshing my knowledge i ran into this little tidbit that i'd forgotten about!

SO the source for the oft-cited claim that Elagabalus wanted a vaginoplasty is Cassius Dio. If you look up Dio on the subject you might notice that the reference in question actually appears twice within a couple of paragraphs:

He carried his lewdness to such a point that he asked the physicians to contrive a woman's vagina in his body by means of an incision, promising them large sums for doing so.

& then shortly thereafter:

Avitus [Elagabalus], according to Dio, besought his physician to employ his skill to make him bisexual by means of an anterior incision.

(both excerpts from the Loeb Classical Library edition translated by Earnest Clary which you can read online (free & legal!) here.)

What's happening here is that, unfortunately, Dio's history of Rome doesn't actually exist anymore in its original form. The text as we have it is cobbled together from a number of summaries by later writers & some fragments. Occasionally we have different versions of the same passage that disagree as to what Dio actually said and translations opt to include both versions.* There's an introduction to the Loeb edition with more information that you can read here.**

in this instance it seems to me that there's a couple of possible explanations for the disagreement:

Dio just said that Elagabalus wanted a vagina and the author of the 2nd fragment assumed this meant 'as well as' rather than 'instead of' a penis.

Dio did say that Elagabalus wanted to be 'bisexual'*** and the author of the first fragment skipped over it; or

both authors are misrepresenting what Dio actually said.

There's 2 major takeaways from this IMO:

1: Not only do we not know for certain whether the claim that Elagabalus wanted a vagina is actually true, we don't even know what the primary source actually said about it.

2: the second variation on the claim implies that Elagabalus's end goal was to have both a penis & a vagina. this is, obviously, not very cisgender behaviour, but it also strikes me as potentially implying that Elagabalus might have been (in modern terminology) bigender or genderfluid. Which is, ofc, assuming that the claim has any truth to it, but if we're going to take it at face value then IMO we do need to acknowledge that it doesn't unambiguously indicate that Elagabalus was a binary trans woman.

Anyway I just think the discrepancy here is interesting on a couple of different levels and also serves to illustrate the difficulty of making any definitive claims on the subject!

-

*I did actually make an attempt to figure out where each bit comes from. The first variation is from the works of Zonarus who is one of our major sources on Dio. I can't figure out the citation on the second variation and, tbph, there's only so much research I'm willing to do for a tumblr post.

**If you've clicked the link and skimmed over it like 'wow this is really dry & tedious'. yeah. :(

***(I can't read Greek well enough to say what word is used here. The translation is from 1927 and is presumably using 'bisexual' as an outdated way of saying 'both sexes'. If anyone knows what the Greek text actually says please let me know, I'd be interested!)

[ohtobeleah]

The Secrets We Keep // Jake Seresin

-> A Father, Son & The Holy Shit exert

Summary: You and Jake argue over the practicality of your entanglement. Suddenly you feel like you have nowhere to run, or hide.

Warnings: Mental Manipulation. Toxic relationships. Dark!Hangman. Sexual explicit content 18+ minors DNI. Stockholm Syndrome. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Age gap 10+ years.

Word Count: 1.3k

Author Note: Day Twenty of Whumptober. Prompt I chose: ‘Stockholm Syndrome/Blackmail ’ Thank you to @ailesswhumptober for the prompt list.

Whumptober Masterlist | Main Masterlist

All you had to do was say yes. All you had to do was nod your head and agree. All you had to do was say a one syllable word that would have put a stop to all of Jake Seresins antics. His abuse, his manipulation, his lack of respect, empathy and kindness. 

“Honey?” Rooster cooed as he took a few steps towards you cautiously. Clarie was going to kill him, literally murder him if he didn’t get to the bottom of what was going on. You were an entirely different person than you were when you first set foot in North Island. Bradley hardly recognised his own daughter as you stood before him in the living room. Overly exhausted and emotionally drained. “Did Jake—“ Bradley could barely fathom the words that were coming out of his mouth. “Did he touch you?” 

All you had to do was say yes. One simple yes would end it all, all the pain, the manipulation, the fear of falling in love with a man who saw you as nothing but a flesh light. His personal walking, talking sex doll. All you had to do was say—yes. 

“Are you high?” You scoffed as you came back into yourself. You should have said yes. “Commander Seresin? Kians dad! You think he fucking touched me?” You asked with shock laced into the lines on your face. “Dad, that’s so fucked up—no, no you’ve got it all wrong.” 

“But do I though?” Bradley pressed you further—he has seen far too many things for it to be a silly little thing he’d convinced himself was happening. “Sweetheart, if you don’t feel safe—“

“There’s nothing going on between me and Kians dad!” You frowned as you shook your head in disbelief. This wasn’t happening, why the fuck were you protecting a man who’d done nothing but seduce and use you. Why were you protecting a man who wasn't good for you? “I don't know what you've been smoking dad but you gotta open a window in here.” It was hard to lie to him, you dad, but you had to in order to protect him. He couldn't know. 

“I saw the polaroid–are you really gonna stand here and tell me that isn't you?”  If Bradley ever knew it could ruin his career, because you knew he'd kill Jake Seresin in the blink of an eye, without remorse or sympathy. Because you wanted to kill him and you were the one who was utterly in love with a man who saw you as nothing but a piece of meat, so you couldn't imagine the damage your dad would do if he knew. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~****

Two Nights Prior: 

“I think we should stop this–” You sat on the end of Jake's bed, completely naked with bruises littered across your body. You told yourself he didn't mean to give them to you, that he just liked it a little rougher than any of the guys you’d ever been with before. But right now, you felt like if you didn't pull the plug you weren't ever going to be able to. “I don't feel good about doing this to Kian–” 

“Do you think he loves you?” Jake asked from the ensuite he’d gone into to freshen up. “My son, do you think he loves you?” 

“I'd like to think he does.” You answered honestly. “I don't think I deserve it, but yeah–I think he does.” Jake was silent for a moment as he pulled his boxer briefs up his legs before he stuttered over to where you sat completely exposed on the end of his bed. 

“What do you think your dads gonna do if he finds out his only daughter is a fucking whore?” Jake hissed as he stood before you. His words hurt, they felt like tiny little knives digging into every part of your exposed skin. “What do you think Kian will do when he finds out you've been sucking my cock at any given chance?” They were rhetorical questions, Jake wasn't expecting you to answer. He knew you couldn't anyway, not when his fingers were trailing between your folds as he bent over to take your cheeks in one hand–squishing them up like a fish. “I’m the only person capable of loving a fucking whore like you, do you understand?” 

“Do you love me?” You asked through squished lips as Jake curled his digits around your sensitive bundle of nerves. He knew just what to do to have your nerves igniting like they had been set alight. 

“I said I was the only person capable, not that I do.” Jake confessed as he pressed two of his digits into you, slick and soaked from your arousal. “And you aren't gonna leave, because you love me, don't you baby?” Jake smirked as you slowly but surely lent back on your elbows and spread your legs a little wider for him to bury his fingers knuckle deep inside you. “You love me, and if you leave me? I'll ruin your life, you know that right?” 

“I–” You moaned as your knees shook and your jaw slacked, Jake curled his digits up into your velvet walls, causing your pussy to pulse around him like a vice. “I don't know if I–”

“Oh no.” Jake tisked as he pumped his fingers in and out of you. He kneeled one knee on the bed to get a better angle up inside you. “No– I know you love me, which is why you're not gonna say anything to anyone about us, you aren't gonna leave.” 

“But–” You wanted to come so badly, but it all felt so wrong. You felt dirty and used and your body hurt from all the sex. Commander Seresin was not a gentle soul. “Jake stop–” You pushed at his wrist between your legs and got off the bed. The same bed you snuck into night after night. “I'm serious, we need to stop this, I can't keep doing this, it's wrong!” 

“Oh fuck off Bradshaw get off your damn high horse!” Jake shouted at the top of his lungs as he watched you scramble to collect your discarded clothes. “You are just as involved here as I am, I didn't take advantage of you, I didn't assault you or manipulate you!” Jake had, he had done all of those things and more. “You are a concenting fucking adult and whatever this is, whatever we fucking are YOU decided to enter it yourself.” 

“Jake–” You tried to stop yourself from crying, tried to stop the tears from falling down your cheeks, but when Jake slammed his fist against the wall and broke through the drywall, you could barely breathe, let alone control your tears. 

“You don’t get to tell me this is fucking wrong, if you really thought it was wrong you wouldn’t ever have let me kiss you, you never would have fucked me, your precious boyfriends dad, and you never, ever would have fallen in love with me you pathetic excuse of a woman!” You had never felt more sick to your stomach than you did in that moment. But all you could do was try to deescalate the situation. 

“I'm sorry!” You cried as you clutched at your clothes in the ball in your arms. “I'm sorry, okay, I'll take it all back.” It burned you to say but you didn't know what else to do. “I'll stay, I want this, I swear, I'm just scared.” 

“No fuck you, leave! Get out of my house–” 

“Jake!” 

“You aren't good enough for me.” Jake hissed as he watched you flinch. “You aren't good enough for anyone, hell Bradshaw you won't ever be good enough for anyone ever so how about you just leave, consider us or whatever this is, done for good because for as much as I know you love me it's clear you just aren't good enough to see whats right in front of you.” 

“And what's right in front of me?” You sobbed as Jake took a few steps closer to corner you against the wall, both arms up trapping you so you had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. 

“The best damn thing that's ever gonna happen to you.” 

***~***~***~****~***~***~***~***

Whumptober Tags 🏷️ @xoxabs88xox @oldermenaremyreligion @slut-f0r-u @emma-is-cool @armydrcamers @topguncortez @topgun-imagines @kmc1989 @els-marvelvsp @blindedbythelightt

[sapphickorro]

“Are you mad at me?”

Pairing(s) - mommy!Claire Debella x fem!little!Reader

summary: Claire’s busier than usual after some photos of you and her leak making you think that you were at fault. 

warnings: mentions/depicted bathroom sex, age play, mommy!Claire and little!Reader, pet names (baby, bunny, honey, doll), mentions of the word “prostitute,” mean men D:, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 1,152

A/N: I watched Glass Onion once and now I don’t know what to do with myself. This is the effect of Clarie Debella.

masterlist

“Mommy, I’m close.” A hand softly slaps over your mouth.

“I know baby, and you’ve gotta quiet down unless you want everyone to hear us.” Claire says as her dexterous fingers work into you.

Admittedly, having sex in a public bathroom as an elected official can do no good for the media. That didn’t stop Claire though. 

Your low cut dress made her yearn for you. She needed you and although your protests of wanting to wait till you got home made their way to her ear, she insisted on being unable to focus until she got to feel you and you just couldn’t say no to your mommy. 

When your orgasm finally comes, Claire gives you a couple seconds to calm down before quickly grabbing a napkin to tidy your makeup. She combs your hair out with her hands and stands back to look at you.

“There, good as new. Let’s get out of here before they get suspicious of us.” Claire grabs your hands and drags you outside before settling back into the party.

You wake up that morning to an empty bed. Your hand reaches to your side to be met with more pillows and blankets. You whine out trying to get Claire to hear you. After you realize that she’s not coming, you get up and drag your oversized stuffed bunny over the floor as you walk towards the living room where you hear her yelling into the phone.

You can’t make out what she’s saying but you can tell it’s not good. You tug on the bottom of her sweatshirt to successfully catch her attention.

“Excuse me for a moment.” She says into her phone before turning towards you. “Hey bunny, good morning. You wanna wait for mommy to finish this phone call before she makes breakfast?” She smiles at you, you can tell it’s strained but you don’t ask. You nod and she kisses your forehead before turning her back around you to speak with the person on the phone. 

You take this time to brush your teeth and wash your face, not used to doing it alone without your mommy in the room to watch over you. 

When you walk back out, you notice Claire watching the TV on the couch until she hears your little footsteps behind her. She turns her head and smiles at you, “What do you want for breakfast baby?” 

“Can I get some pancakes…?” You meekly say to her and she immediately stands up. “Of course hun, I’ll make you the best pancakes you’ve ever had.” She walks to the open kitchen behind the living room and starts on getting her batter ready. 

You opt to sit on the couch watching whatever channel she was watching. It certainly wasn’t as entertaining as bluey but sometimes you liked to watch the weatherman talk really fast while he predicted the areas that might rain. 

Your ears pick up as you hear Claire’s name get mentioned. “Our sources say that she isn't even a worker for Claire's political campaign. For all we know, this could be some random prostitute that Claire’s hired.” The men on the screen start laughing and you notice Claire running towards the TV remote.

“Turn that damn thing off.” The screen goes black and you stare at her face. She’s visibly upset and you weren’t sure whether she was mad at the channel or at you.

You stay quiet as she sighs and returns to the kitchen. “Your pancakes are gonna be ready soon. Why don’t you take a seat by the table.” You do what she says not wanting to worsen her mood. 

After she serves you your breakfast you notice her walk back into her office. Odd. You think. She usually sits with you while you eat to talk about your plans for the day or something menial. You leave your pancakes on the table and set the bunny in the chair you were seated at, choosing to walk to her office.

Claire’s busy typing away on her computer when you knock on her open door, alerting her of your presence. You look at her unsure what to say but she speaks up first instead. 

“Not now, baby. Mommy’s busy.” She says while rubbing her temples before returning back to typing fervently on her keyboard. 

You respond with an, “Okay,” so quiet that you’re unsure she even heard you. You lose your appetite and decide to hide under the covers of your shared bed. Tears threatening to fall as you thought you had done something wrong, perhaps that’s why your mommy had been avoiding you all day.

The knock on the door of your bedroom wakes you up. Not even realizing you had slept, you checked the digital clock on your nightstand and realized you had fallen back asleep for another hour. 

“Baby?” Claire’s head peaks through the door before smiling at your groggy figure. 

She walks in and slowly closes the door behind her. “I noticed you didn’t eat your breakfast.” 

She pulls out your stuffed bunny from behind her back and hands it to you, “And, you left Señor Scratchy all alone sitting at the table.” You hold your hands out to cuddle into the soft material.

“What’s wrong doll.” She says caressing your face. “Are you mad at me?” You whisper out.

She exaggerates a gasp, “Why would you ever think that baby?” 

“Because, I woke up alone and you got all mad earlier while you were in the kitchen. Then, you didn’t sit with me during breakfast like usual.” Tears start to build in your eyes again. She’s quick to wipe the falling tears and coos at you.

“Oh bunny, I’m so sorry you thought that. I wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at everyone else.” She says giving you a quick peck on the nose. 

“Why?”

She sighs, unsure of how to answer your question. “There’s photos of us entering and leaving the bathroom together at that party, the leaving photos have your hair and makeup messier than when entering. I guess the internet blew up thinking something happened. Well, something did happen but they don’t know that.” She corrects herself. 

“I’m sorry, mommy.” You whisper at her feeling upset that you’ve probably smeared her name because of this scandal. “Oh no, no, no. None of this is your fault. Don’t be sorry for anything.” Claire starts to pepper kisses all across your face causing you to giggle. 

“Okay, how about we order some pancakes this time and maybe we can talk about getting Señor Scratchy a sibling.” She grabs your hands and tugs you up off the bed to lead you back out into the dining room. 

You beam at her, “Seriously?” 

“Seriously.” She kisses you softly, just glad to see that her sweet baby is smiling again. 

[ladyhindsight]

I’m still in sort of disbelief how Clare thought the canoodling part of the ending scene of this chapter was structured well or even well motivated. How it plays out just paints a pretty clear picture of Clare’s priorities and intentions as a story-teller.

Sometimes some things, especially ill-fitting and ill-timed almost-sex scenes just don’t need to happen, you know.

The chapter opens up with Team Good making their way to Luke’s farm upstate to summon Raziel. They get to talking about Alec’s sexuality and how the Lightwoods are taking it because of a joke Isabelle makes.

This message about Robert is rather relevant here. Because, like R points out, the narrative surrounding Robert is incohesive at best, and his characterization fluctuates wherever the writing needs to without much consistency. There's a lot of fun discussion points about Robert (and Maryse) under his tag on the blog.

Yes, Robert escaped to Idris to get away from his gay son that he loved, not to run for the position of the Inquisitor.

→ No phones in Idris, how would've Robert asked about the trip anyway?

→ Jocelyn doesn’t like Jace (for her own reasons), so she never asks about Jace (Clary complains about this in City of Fallen Angels). → Robert doesn’t care about Magnus (for his own reasons which are a bit complicated and related to the Circle), so he never asks about Magnus.

→ Like the eye color is even guaranteed? Of course this highlights the idiotic opinions of bigoted people, but at the same time, that’s the best you managed to concoct? THE EYES. Though it goes with the little paper cuts for sure.

They are almost at the farm, and we cut to Team Evil. Clary has been sleeping but wakes up when she hears The Boys talking. Jace has been somewhere but would like to see Clary now. Something is off about their exchange and we learn why once Jace goes to see Clary.

We learn that Lilith’s rune on Jace’s chest has been damaged and that he’s momentarily himself again.

The pugio was a dagger used by Roman soldiers as a sidearm. I don’t understand why Jace calls it that here when he later talks about an aegis with which Magdalena stabs him and how the aegis burned Lilith’s Mark.

↓

Again with the em dashes. “She staggered back and grabbed for her worktable, she threw it at me.” I can’t.

→ She staggered back and gabbed for her worktable. There was powdered adamas on it—she threw it at me.

Also “I cried out as she drove it towards my chest”? Awfully poetic retelling of the events that were basically I just kind a shouted when she tried to stab me in the chest.

This is, if I may say, a preposterous claim. He really isn’t or wasn’t. See, Alec, for one. Let’s not rewrite history.

This scene started out nice, the way Clary tries to comfort Jace. As if there could be this lovely and nice intimacy between them that doesn’t need the constant fervor.

…Aaand it’s ruined because everything has to get hot and heavy and passionate between them.

It’s funny how intentionally hilarious this whole conversation of it’s me, that is not me, it’s the other me, the not me me, this you, no the other you, the other me is. Such a mess.

Oh hey, you remembered.

Jace then finally gets to the actual point of what happened when he was away. He also finally reveals what Sebastian’s actual plans are, which, you’d think, would take precedence over wondering whether this is the time to have sex for the first time. But what do I know.

Obviously they can’t have the make-out/almost-sex scene once Jace reveals he took the cup from Magdalena and murdered her so all of the physicality needs to happen before that. What I am saying is, it didn’t need to happen at all because the timing was inappropriate considering the following revelations. Intimacy between characters isn’t always being incredibly horny, especially when just comforting one another.

So far Clary and Not-Jace have been doing this every given opportunity, and I understand that it’s somehow different with Actual-Jace, though writing-wise not at all.

So great that Jace finally got to the point. We almost lost this information because they wanted to bang. Anyway. Now that’s done with. Jace decides he needs to give the cup and himself up to the Clave before he returns to his controlled state, and that’s the end of that bullshit.

[cadmusfly]

Who Is A Dragon In Marshalate Dragons AU Because Making All The Infantry Marshals Dragons Is Too Much Scales

Post 1

Post 2

Marshals

Dragons: Berthier, Lannes, Soult, Masséna, Lefebvre, Mortier, Oudinot, St Cyr

Humans: Bernadotte, Augereau, Brune, Moncey, Perignon, Serurier, MacDonald, Poniatowski, Jourdan, Murat, Ney, Davout, Kellerman, Suchet, Victor, Marmont, Grouchy

Not A Secret Dragon Totally: Bessieres

Non marshals

Dragons: Junot, Desiree Clary, Bernadotte’s minister Magnus Brahe oh my god, either Trobriand or Morand, either Wellington or Picton, maybe Desaix

Sea Serpents: Villeneuve, Cochrane (and babby Marryat), maybe Dadmiral Pellew

Definitely Human: Napoleon, Joséphine, most noble/royalty, Talleyrand lol, most of the wives of people I turned into dragons

Contemplating having Ida St Elme be a dragon shapeshifter because of that historical fantasy series based on her having her be a Special Magic Person and I’m not sure her relationship with Ney works if she’s scaly all the time

This is partially informed by a desire to have interesting characters as dragons but also wanting to keep some interesting characters as still human, the underlying metaphor of monstrous draconic avarice as linked to greed and plundering but also some humans should also just be like that, and also vibes and who would be funnier as a dragon

Anyone can write fic or be inspired or steal my ideas or write stuff based on anyone being a dragon idk I’m just addicted to worldbuilding I need to finish a few other projects before thinking about if I want to write a proper fic or drawing for this, might post snippets if they emerge into my mind though

I am open to suggestions and arguments as well

Under the cut is some thoughts inspired by @impetuous-impulse about arranged dragon marriages and in universe cultural stuff

The legend of St Martha taming the tarasque

is slightly different in this world - after the tarasque is tamed, it is not killed by the people with spears. The same is with St George and the Dragon, where the dragon is tamed and not killed as a demonstration of Christianity's might.

I'm not going to go as far as to say Jesus was a dragon, but from chatting to Impulse and thinking about it, and also that I turned a bunch of military nobility into dragons

In this world there's a cultural Thing around the idea of an ingenue* woman - or man sometimes - being known as a "dragon-wife", a representative and rider, tamer of the monstrous beast, offered to sate the dragon's greed

This overlaps with the idea of a dragon's "favoured person", a person they grow so close to that the dragon-stupour that they fall into when exhausted is lessened and shortened by the presence of that person, and also there might be something about a dragon being able to telepathically talk to them over larger distances, being able to share emotions and senses

People know that the dragon-wife/dragon-rider is not necessarily a dragon's bonded/favored person, but it's better if they are. It's a very political thing for dragons with high titles and high ranks, to be accompanied by a charming maiden.

But of course, these maidens often aren't allowed to have any power or prowess! Though some do carve it out, and some by virtue of having a giant reptilian beast on their side do end up in interesting and exciting places.

Think of it like a beauty and a beast thing.

*ingenue was attested in 1848, too late for the time period damn

also i would like to have more dragons who identify as ladies, dragons do not have physical sex in this setting but they do identify as gender - i doubt explicitly nonbinary dragons will be popping up for a while though and the focus of this is the land with the very gendered language so they just default to unfortunate il

[inkykeiji]

“don’t tell her what to do, you’re not her daddy”

-my bfs mom after he told me i couldn’t have coffee at 7pm (she is incorrect)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oooh she couldn't have been more wrong </3

[jonathan-harks]

Every series/special Greg, Alex and the contestants do these interviews and the contestants always get asked about Greg and Alex's relationship and I love the series 16 answers.

Sue Perkins

What did you make of Greg and Alex? I’m madly in love with both of them. Genuinely, madly in love. I think it’s an exercise in on-screen chemistry perfection. It’s the old schtick of the domineering bullying guy who dominates the other but actually needs him. They need each other. So there’s this fake assault and battery line going on, when actually, underneath it, it’s so fraternal and delicious. And they make each other laugh. I love them a lot. I think they’re very, very special. And for all Greg’s posturing and denigration, he’s got the biggest heart. Genuinely, I’m in love with them both and I don’t even care who knows it.

Julian Clary

How do you describe the relationship between Greg and Alex? Like a lot of marriages, it’s all different things mixed up, isn’t it? So there’s obviously affection, and there’s a very deep knowledge of each other. And it’s funny because you think Greg’s always the one in charge, but then you know that Alex is the one behind the tasks, so they subvert that. It’s complicated, just like proper relationships are. And it’s not at all like Morecambe and Wise, or any of these other partnerships. It’s a million miles away from that, which is unique, really.

Lucy Beaumont

What do you make of Greg and Alex’s relationship? They’re an odd couple. If you told me that they’d had sex, I would believe that. There’s like a submissive / dominant thing there. It’s fascinating because it just works.

Susan Wokoma

And what do you make of their relationship? Just pseudo-sexual, emotional torture, lots of heightism. They’re so peculiar. I love the moments where Greg gets really into it. I love it. They were such children. I miss their banter.

Sam Campbell

What have you got lined up after Taskmaster? Career-wise? I don’t know if I’m supposed to ... I guess I can talk about it. I’m going to be hosting a new show. Basically, you know after the rain when you see a worm? We are returning them to safety so it doesn’t end up covered in ants or something.

[takaraphoenix]

Ok, because I'm bored at work with nothing to do and I'm still by myself, I'm gonna bug you with a random question. What are your Top 10 favorite headcanons. No specific fandom, just top 10 favorite.

This is too broad actually, E. xD Please limit me to a fandom next time this nearly broke my brain, first to find any at all (twas as though I had Never Had A Single Headcanon In My Life) and then to move on from a fandom, like, once I remembered a headcanon, my brain wanted to latch onto that fandom and I would have gladly given you my top 10 Disney headcanons or sth... this was near impossible lol

You will realize that most of my heacanons are next gen related.

In no particular order because holy shit that'd kill me.

Let's start with an easy one. Shadowhunters. I headcanon Jace Herondale as ace. Even in the fanfiction where I don't make it an explicit plotline, I think of him as ace. I just think that he doesn't know. Doesn't know the term for it, hasn't thought about it really. I don't think I've ever had an ace headcanon I was as fiercely attached to as I am with Jace. Which is funny considering the character himself is a... actually, no, he's not really that sexual. We see others making jokes about his book club, we see him hook up with a random girl once. And then with Maia. And then he's in his relationship with Clary, where we actually see him pulling the brakes and wanting to slow things down. He's not as promiscuous as the talk of the other characters would like to make us belief, is what I'm saying. He has a normal sex life. Still, usually, ace headcanons are born from a "oh this character has never shown any interest in sex????" notion, so this is still an outlier.

PJO: If Bianca di Angelo had lived, her powers would have been most aligned with darkness. We know that Nico struggled with that, that shadow-travel in particular drained him extremely. It's a power he has, but one that never came as easy to him as summoning or controlling the dead. And I always liked the idea that the three kids of Hades/Pluto split his three realms - darkness, death and riches. Tapping into the other realms too, but having most domain over one each.

My headcanon that Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians is actually the god Jökul Frosti who had his memories taken and was "punished" to spend a lifetime as a human, but something went wrong when he died too early, that's why he has the full amnesia. It just, it never really clicked why the guardian of fun got the white hair and snow powers, or why the wind would carry Jack and allow him to fly (the god of the wind is the father of Jökul Frosti), or why the saying of "Jack Frost" would exist in our human world if Jack Frost is a spirit that nobody can see and born from a mortal who died only 300 years ago.

Disney: Princess Aurora and Prince Adam (aka the Beast) are cousins! I don't know, I just think that's neat. They look very similar, there's the French note to Sleeping Beauty and Beauty and the Beast.

DCMK: Kudou Shinichi and Kuroba Kaito naming their son Conan, as a reminder of how they first met and what Shinichi's time as Conan really meant to him. I think that'd be very poetic and I also think that kid would be the devil incarnate.

Deep dig TLK headcanon that will actually mean absolutely nothing to people who aren't deep into it but I headcanon that Kovu is the biological son of Malka and Kula, I think that Kula's dark fur is a good match for Kovu's while he'd have Malka's dark mane (and I headcanon Malka's eyes to be green, they're not really... seen. they look pitch-black, which might as well be green like Kovu's), plus I did always like Malka. I know most people ship Kula with Chumvi but honestly they have a near identical design so I always clocked them as siblings and headcanoned them as such. But yeah, Kovu as the lost son of Malka and Kula, which would add such a near tragic element to things, if Simba knew he was Malka's son.

If Cole and Phoebe's son on Charmed had lived, his name would have been Parker Benjamin. Parker was the name she later picked for her second born daughter, but I have no qualms moving that name up to the older brother, since I'm already changing the oldest daughter's name too because I am fiercely possessive of my OC daughter of Phoebe and Cole who has to be the firstborn daughter. The only kid of Phoebe whose name I'm keeping is the youngest. Plus, middle name Benjamin after Cole's father, since we do know that Cole cared deeply for his father. I always liked the idea of the sons being their own Charmed Ones; him, Wyatt and my Andy/Prue son Phillip Trudeau.

In the greater scheme of things, BtVS is full of magic shenanigans so why in the world should Angel be the only vampire who can have kids, right? I like the idea of Willow and alive!Tara using magic to create children of their own and that magic also being applicable to Spike and Buffy. I'm thinking fully-formed-baby creation magic here, not magical pregnancy. Because I... don't see Buffy pregnant, she's too much of a fighter, out there, not benched due to different circumstances. And they'd have twins, named William, since Spike's not using that name, and Joanne, as a combination of Joan and Anne, the two big aliases Buffy ever went by.

A headcanon I cherish a lot a lot is from Sailor Moon and it's that the Ayakashi sisters (Koan, Berthier, Calaveras and Petz) all also get a second chance and get reborn, just like the inner senshi did after the first season because fuck that the girls were good at the end they deserved better than to die for men's mistakes, and that they are, ultimately, the mothers of the Asteroid senshi (Pallas, Juno, Vesta and Ceres). I have a very big, very mapped out family tree for my Sailor Moon headcanons. This fandom has been with me for decades. But I want to only pick one headcanon per fandom, so.

DC Comics' Stephanie Brown becoming the Huntress, I just think that would be so neat, the purple color scheme fits her so, so, so well, plus I'd love for Helena Wayne to take up the mantle from her, looking up to her auntie Steph with adoration. I've latched onto that hard.

[idk-i-just-really-like-tsc]

let’s talk abt this there is so much going on here. i am just going to spit out my every thought abt this

um am i dumb ?? have i gone insane?? Is it not spelled ALASTAIR? ????? but excited to read about them

anna and ariadne was kinda unexpected but fun ig!

ill be honest i do not really care what mark cristina and kieran are doing i really dont nor emma and Julian but thats just me

simon and izzy and jace and clary 💖💖🫶🏻🫶🏻 tmi gang heart is so so happy

luke and jocelyn in the past this could mean a lot of things like it could be pre uprising or right after or like pre city of bones ??? or after they got married??? But in the past makes me think pre uprising?? luke and jocelyn cheating era??

sebastian and the seelie queen she’s insane for that one bc genuinely what the fuck. i don’t want to read about them having sex or even just existing 😭😭 especially romantically like gross??? but i guess this will provide some insight about ash maybe??? SUCH a weird choice she could’ve just written a nice magnus and alec story or something but ok????

im sad there isn’t something about Helen and Aline they deserve more content and i wouldn’t be me if I didn’t wish there was a magnus and alec story 😞 time to go read tec again

im assuming the other tmi/tda couple stories will take place before ish twp????

Im also SO baffled as to what these books will contain like maybe I should go back and look at what Cassie said when she originally announced these concepts but are they going to be just spice or have actual plot and detail and the couples doing stuff? I am very curious to know the answer to that because personally i don’t want to read spice of Sebastian and the seelie queen!!!!

anyway!

[sizhui]

hello clari i hope you’re doing well! how do you feel about rei’s ending in slow damage? i know a lot of people don’t like that he drops his femininity but i feel like his happy end is accepting the masculinity he spent so long denying and i was wondering what you think! ^-^

Hello, hellooooo! Ok (cracks my knuckles) ive been silent on slowdam for a while with some thoughts cooking in my head and i feel like its time to let a few of them out - to talk about how i feel about rei's route, i must first explain my understanding of slow damage in its entirety... i talked about it here and there to emery and dove but here comes a synthesis!

I warn you: this is only my unconventional analysis, and I think that many will find it unsatisfying and disagree. If anyone wants to discuss or criticize any of my points, i am open to having my mind changed.

Huge thanks to Renne who introduced me to Surodame and set me on the path of studying it!

Under the cut TW: rape, csa

Slow Damage is a story about the consequences and the cyclic nature of abuse. Abuse sticks its claws into you and rakes down, leaving behind four ditches - orderly in some cases, and more chaotic in others. Either way, even as the skin and flesh heal, there is now a generous amount of empty space in you, and Slow Damage poses a question - what will you fill it up with, hmm?

I went into this VN knowing only that Towa enjoys rather extreme forms of self harm, and I have to admit that this was precisely what captivated my attention at first - the promise of a severely damaged protagonist, and the hope that he is more than a run-of-the-mill masochist. I was not disappointed.

The extent to which towa relates injury to sex and pain to pleasure immediately made me suspect the sort of trauma he must have endured in childhood. For a moment, I thought: Isn't the solution to this mystery a little too obvious? Looking back at the lack of subtlety, though, I don't think that Towa being a CSA victim was supposed to be some kind of a grand reveal. The point wasn't in cracking the mystery, in understanding motivations and getting concrete answers - the point was observing onr case of the consequences of abuse that will tell us - no, ASK us - something about all of them. HOW does the thing that happened to Towa keep happening over and over, and in silence too? What mechanisms allow it to happen, and to stay hidden? What all sorts of people, some of them generally good and kind, participate in these mechanisms?

Let us retrace our steps.

Maya forced her own son into violent prostitution from a very young age, all the while teaching him how to use charms to his advantage, how to manipulate people and fulfill their desires in order to gain control over them. The WAY she taught those things methodically seems to insinuate that this was something she herself had been taught at a young age and passed on; the art of assuming the exact persona you need to prod into people's insides. This isn't to say that her actions classify as excusable - in fact, isn't the fact that she's putting her child through the horrors she experienced herself even more disgusting? I wonder if her lessons in human psychology were all for the self-obsessed purpose of turning her son into a copy of herself... or was she, in a twisted way, thinking it would hell him endure and rise the way that she did? I am going to let that question hang in the air - after all, the point of Surodame isn't to review individual motivations, but to ask questions about the grander scheme of things. That is precisely why I cried together with Towa upon reading the strangely frail account of Maya's diary: I just can't make this work... realizing that the slow-growing disease had spread beyond that mother-son duo, beyond the walls of Euphoria, beyond Shinkoumi... in every corner of the world, there are hundreds of Mayas and Towas, and millions upon millions of Silent Takus wondering what they could have done differently.

For starters I want to focus on Towa himself. When I think about him, the first phrase that comes to mind is 'a void filled with the dregs of abuse'. Though he himself doesn't remember his abuse throughout the first three routes, his every move is a reflection of it: every sexual encounter both a self-inflicted wound and an attempt to affirm: IT'S ME WHO CHOSE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF, which is why Towa's breakdown upon realizing that not even his scars are his own is especially painful. I like the choice of stating that Maya did not like nor understand art. She COULDN'T understand it. Though the penchant for uncovering people's dark desires and the ability to read them were all influenced by Maya, the instinct to paint those is Towa's. The art that almost died together with him was the one thing that belonged to him alone - and yet, there is comfort in the fact that the true route ends with him saying that he doesn't know whether he'll paint anymore or not. What matters is that he quit performing euphoric episodes, closed the cycle of abuse and perpetuating Maya's ideals, and began walking towards a peaceful life. The sight of the atelier in the main menu all clean and bright upon Towa's vision returning to normal made me strangely emotional; the reveal that the painting was never dark and muddy, that the atelier was never that dark and scary... the final tour around Shinkoumi with everyone telling Towa that he looks like something good had happened to him... at the end of a very painful road, Towa still found some comfort in existing.

But what of Fujieda? Of Madarame, of Rei, Taku? For a BLVN, isn't it strange to go 6 paragraphs deep without mentioning any of the love interests?

I will preface this by saying that, to me, the very point of Surodame lies in the fact that none of them are ultimately good boyfriends to Towa. I really wanted to interpret the actions of the three sans Madarame more charitably than I do now, but in reasoning with myself, I failed at every single attempt. They are, to varying degrees and each in their own way, a deadend.

Let's go route by route.

Murase Takuma is a kind man in a way Towa is not - this is driven into our heads from the start, he is a doctor. He cares for children, workers and the elderly. He even lends an ear to them outside of his responsibilities as their physician, overworking himself to the brink of death. His role as a caretaker of a hopeless, bleak person like Towa, an addict who is destructive towards both himself and others, can certainly be percieved as saintly. Even his actions of keeping Towa's past from him, burning letters and throwing away packages, were all for the sake of preserving Towa's sanity! However, though Taku's intentions are pure, I can't read them as benign. Well - he is probably the most benign of the four men Towa involves himself with, being the only one who never physically lashed out on him. Neither abuser nor victim, Taku is a third thing entirely - an observer. A hider, a savior, a carer... and at its core, though not intentionally, an enabler. I do agree that there was nothing Taku could have done to save Towa as a child. There just wasn't a way to take Towa away from Euphoria while Maya lived. I do believe that he did the best he could, patching Towa up time after time... staying throughout the years, changing the bedding, throwing out the liquor bottles. Eat something, Towa. Smoke less, Towa. Once Towa got a lot older, Taku grew to love him romantically. Though I find it unsavory, Towa is over twenty-five at this point so it's not really some big deal. The much more dreadful power imbalance than that in age is the fact that Taku is holding the entirety of Towa's past, his abuse, and his identity over his head. Once again, I'm not calling Taku out as a gaslighter here - not in this route, at least, since Towa had no interest in his true identity at this point anyway. But you can't deny that their happy ending - embracing under the cherry blossoms with a calmer, more mature looking Towa, his hair a clean black, an orderly cardigan billowing behind him - is a sort of a quiet misery. Taku loves the man he saved (raised?), the man who presumably quit painful sex for his sake, and Towa doesn't even know what it is that he's being saved from. Towa is a hole. I really might not have interpreted this ending so negatively if it wasn't for the scene of Taku showing Towa a photograph of him as a little child in a restaurant with his mother. This smiling child prostitute in an orderly little boys' getup, dining with his pimp mother and his future lover. It felt to me like a means of truly driving into our brains the extent of Taku's helplessness, delusion, failure, and LIES. The photograph is a fabricated reality, a fabricated happy past that he feeds to Towa. In this route, this is what Towa filled the ditch with - a daydream, and sweet vanilla sex that doesn't scratch his itch. I can't give them more than five years before Towa falls back into his old habits. The end.

Now we get to Rei, who you originally asked me about. I am sorry I dragged it out to this extent, but I truly can't talk about Rei alone without addressing the grand scheme of things. Rei is also a sort of a carer to Towa, though a more casual one. A friend friend rather than a dad friend, I say this with half a scowl hanging off my face. Let us review Rei's situation with gender - due to his toxic, abusive dad (who was also a child sex trafficker, might I add!) degrading him for his homosexuality and saying it made him less of a man, Rei developed an aversion to masculinity, speaking in onee-kotoba and growing out his hair and such. At some point he attempted to cut off his own penis in Towa's presence, but ended up hesitating and not going through. All in all, he decided to drop all things associated with traditional masculinity other than street fighting, which he uses to vent out his frustration. This is the key word here - FRUSTRATION. Rei's frustration grows to hundred percent when he is forced to enter to-the-death matches. Killing opponent after opponent, Rei grows more frustrated and less and less like his friendly effeminate self. I think the key solution to the question of 'how is the writing of rei's gender handled?' Is the fact that Rei rediscovered his masculinity through violence. And Slow Damage is not a game that... likes violence, encourages it, or overall relates it to anything remotely positive. I don't think that Rei reconnected to his masculinity in a healthy way, and I don't think it's meant to be read as a cool finding himself arc. Most of all, it's not his or Towa's happy ending. Towa... the thing is that Rei only realized a sexual attraction to Towa once the amount of violence in his life amplified to the max. As his level of 'manliness' grew. Their sex scene is very frank about this - after he and Towa beat each other into bloody pulp, he says something along the lines of 'I'm a man and I want to fuck you.' I think it drives the point further that he was the only virginal love interest to that point - when he percieved himself as a woman, he had no violent sexual appetites, or at least didn't see a way towards realizing them. Once he 'reverted' into a man though, he could fuck Towa. He could claim his prize - who has no objections, given that it feeds perfectly into his own penchant that I described at the start. And their ending, showing us a casually manly Rei biking with Towa? We have no proof that he's in any way abusive, nor that they're unhappy, but... this 'new gender' of his, he built it up with bricks made of blood, some of it Towa's. I don't think Rei reached a happy ending. I think Rei is a feminine person, or at the very least a gender nonconforming man who retreated back into the closet within the violent festa that his father brought upon him... many will disagree, but this is how I read it - a manhood built up on violence equals unhapliness for two. I think Towa and Rei might stay together longer than Towa and Taku would, but it won't bring either of them any healing. The end.

Madarame's route is the simplest, since Madarame does not hide himself behind any masks. He is a violent, shameless pedophile rapist who gladly continues paving the road of self-destruction that Maya had left off half-finished. I think that placing this ending behind Taku and Rei's serves as a bit of a wake up call who felt pacified by the former two - um, hey, hello? Did you forget? This is not a 'happy story'. For some three hours you watch Madarame break Towa psychologically, repeatedly rape and torture him - only to release him back to Taku and Rei for Towa to find that he can't truly fit im with them anymore. What purpose does it serve? Well, I think it just shows us that there never was any long-term happiness waiting for Towa with either of those men. I think the purpose of the Madarame route, beyond preparing us for the true route, is to totally nullify the effect of the first two. A 'forget what you thought you knew' type of detail. Broken into obedience, a wild blond Towa kissed Madarame after a boxing match. The end.

Fujieda.

He perplexes me the most, and I'm still not entirely certain in the answer I arrived to. Why would the author who penned this painfully real story about abuse have Towa end up with a man who - midway through the route - raped him? I tried to work wonders to explain this to myself, try to interpret it differently, but the truth is concrete. Fujieda raped Towa in a fit of rage, and then with a sober mind refused to apologise for it. Why would this be in a 'painfully real story about abuse?'

...precisely because it's painfully real. It happened to Towa. It happened to a million others. It might happen to you. When you hit your knee, do your fingers not venture to fondle the bruise, press down for a small reminder of what the pain felt like? The fingers are usually kind, but once in a while, they press down.

And again - Fujieda does not consistently abuse Towa. In fact, he gives him his first taste of truly pleasurable sex in a scene that pushed me to the brink of tears in its sad honesty. When Fujieda has a good day, he gently washes the remnants of assault out of Towa. But when he had an extremely bad way, he was the perpetrator of the assault. I think it's 'painfully real' for Towa to end up with such a man. After coming to terms with his past, this was the best he could do. This was as much as he could save himself. The VN ends on such a note - don't be too happy for him, and don't be too sad. I do believe that Fujieda brought Towa some comfort and clarity, but I can't say that this isn't a deadend, too. Just a more peaceful one in the light. In the ocean.

What's the point then, if Towa ends up stranded no matter what choices you make? Let's return to the beginning, to the ditch abuse made in you. Sometimes you fill it in with fantasies, sometimes with violence, sometimes with the 'next best thing', a 'he's a good man you know, he's only rough when he drinks' typa marriage... no matter what, fact is that all abused kids seek to fill it in with something familiar. Something they know and recognize. It yearns to be filled, it aches for it - whatever you're ready to dish out, just put it in! I think this merry-go-round of victims and perpetrators is what Surodame is tryong to turn our eyes towards, or at least force us to stop averting them. So that you may not scorn the Towa in your life, so that if you are a Towa yourself, you may find comfort in knowing that someone somewhere dreemed you up, empathized with you and lead your hand along the path. Why, then, do we not see our Towa free?

Well, the future is long. He was in an ocean. Maybe he walked out.

[daily-clace]

Hi!!

Don't you just love it when you read about Clace as side characters and they're just being a cute couple?

I've been reading TDA, The Tales from Shadowhunters Academy and the extras and just enjoying seeing Clace from the other characters pov, just them being "Jace's expression softened looking Clary" or "Clary and Jace are weirdly good together" etc, "Jace sleeping on Clary's lap" or "I've never seen anyone else in love like them (....)" or "Jace and Clary can always be persuaded to go together" or when Jace says "where Clary go I go" in TFTSA

I'm paraphrasing obviously cuz i can't remember the exact quotes but yeah 💖💖💖

And I've also noticed how they're actually quite a playful couple--outside of their own books, cuz when we're reading from Clary's and Jace's perspectives, they seem quite serious sometimes since we're reading their thoughts basically

But i love how to other characters, they're portrayed as still acting like teens and early adults later on. I just--Cassandra Clare *chefs kiss*

Closest example i remember rn since I've just finished TFTSA is when Sizzy and Clace had this double date and Clace is just playing footsie under the table (and Jace may have accidentally rubbed his leg against Simon's) xDD

They're just---Clary and Jace are so cute individually and also in love i just 🥺🥺🥺💖

This is not an ask or anything but i just needed to write this down somewhere cuz I have all these new feelings about them from rereading xD (I read TMI years ago but only just started the other series now)

I'm sorry for the long 'ask' and thank you for your daily Clace quotes! 💖🦆

Hi, love! :D

I'm so sorry for taking so long to answer!! But my life was chaotic this week and I didn't have a lot of time on tumblr and I didn't want to give you a lame answer of three words or something like that 🫣But it's finally saturday and it looks like my life it's back under control, well mostly anyways, so I got some time to fangirl now 😌

Yes!!! I totally do!! I mean, I love TMI of course, but my kids suffered a LOT on those books, so reading about Clace from different characters' perspective on other books it's so refreshing! I love it 🤩🥰

Like how they notice the way Clary touches Jace or how Jace looks at Clary, the way some people is even jealous of their relationship or think they would never fit with someone else the way Jace and Clary do, how in love they are, I'm all here for it!!! 🤩🤩💕

And yes! The playful part 😂😂 I agree, they seem a lot more serious with each other on their books. I love their dynamic in CoB because they got more into each other nerves in that book 😂 But I can't blame them, I mean, CoA and most of CoG was pure hell for them. CoFA wasn't much better. CoLS wasn't really Jace and CoHF (my favorite btw) they were a little more playful in that one. Point is, they were facing some serious problems in TMI, I understand Cassie didn't portrayed them more playful with each other on those books 🫠 So I'm so happy to see them in the other books, happy and confident in their relationship 🥰🥺 I mean, it’s also canon that they are playful with each other even during sexy times 😂😏🔥

And bestie, how they seem to be able to have sex on almost every place? Like on the floor in faerie? They can. On the floor in the greenhouse? They can. Let's not even start talking about caves in Hell. They have no chill 😂😂😂

Also Clary smacking Jace every now and then is so funny to me, they're that kind of couple 😂😭😂

BESTIE NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR A LONG ASK ON MY BOX. I love to receive asks!!! Especially about some fangirling about Clace 😌😌✨

[khaleesiofalicante]

Random questions about the daniverse bc your fics live rent free in my brain:

what does magnus teach at the academy in lbaf? Does he get paid?

do the kids at the academy get sex ed classes? i hope they do. (my school did not have it and so a lot of kids were severely misinformed. did your school have it?)

will we ever get to know why david and his dad look like raziel or it it just a random thing?

does arthur have any powers bc of David's demon blood?

who're your top thee fav female shadowhunters (from canon and your fics)?

I didn't get the whole Mallory's baby thing. Was she ever pregnant?

Did reading chot in any way influence the plot of lbaf v?

Didn't Achilles have a sibling? What are they up to?

I loved the scene from IALS alec's chapter with Arthur in the office and i even laughed when i first read it but i can't stop thinking about how terrifying that must be for arthur. I've never been in a situation when i couldn't communicate w others. I felt really bad for arthur.

What is the one storyline/idea you're the most excited to write about in lbaf v? (spoiler free obvi)

anyway you're amazing. i hope you get well soon.

love, Yana

ps. I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET LUCI!

This is my fave thing ever. Thank you <3

He does. He is a guest lecturer (similar to canon). He talks mostly about history and magic (such as portals and accords, etc). Fun fact: Since Lance and Arthur are not allowed in the Academy, Magnus taught them separately. There is a whole short story about this one!

They do! They have something called 'self and society' - which was inspired by a class I teach at one of the local unis. It's more about understanding different aspects of yourself and one of the classes (which I teach) is on sexual and reproductive health education + gender and society. In lbaf, they do have a class similar to this where they learn about different self identies (including that of downworlders and nephilim etc)

We might...

Yes. He can make amazing tiktoks :P

Ahhh can't choose three! Some of my faves are in TDA - Emma. Cristina. Diana. I love all the ladies from TID and LBAF hehe. It took a lot of effort to warm up to Clary and Izzy because i didn't like their characterization in tmi - but I learned to love them eventually :)

If you are referring to IALS, it was just a delusion. Just like the 'max actually loves me' thing. In LBAF, it's a rumor.

...Yes. You might see a reference to Paladins in lbaf v. We will also get more Iron Sisters and Silent Brothers content. Reading canon books always inspires me for lbaf :)

He has a younger sister called Aurelia (Rosales babies having A names my beloved). She is actually working closely with the Alliance (just like her parents). You will meet her in Alec pov, I think!

It is definitely terrifying. I could write an essay about arthur angst smh.

There is a date (as in a romantic date). It's one of the turning points in the story because what happens during the date results in a whole chain reaction of events that leads to so much! I can't wait! Also very excited to write about Lucifer. I'm still workshopping his characterization oof.

Thank you for this, bebe. I love you <3