#come be emotional about this broken boy who pieced himself back together pls

[samwpmarleau]

these aren’t revolutionary observations or anything, but can i just say i really, really love the way the conversation in 1x08 comes about and unfolds? in part because of ship reasons obvs, but primarily because of the glimpse it gives us into jamie and all the introspection he did. we can see from his hair-trigger, antagonistic, and hurt mention of ted that jamie, as anyone would, had thought about how he literally got to where he is — ted had the power to transfer him and, from jamie’s perspective, had motive to do so as well (he needed jamie to help unite the team, but jamie himself didn’t matter — yet he also thinks about how he figuratively got there.

he’s back in manchester, without friends, without teammates who care, without playing time, without all the prestige he enjoyed in richmond ... and, most critically, without keeley.

the fact that he went to her house at all devoid of any ulterior motive whatsoever says that all on its own, but i think his wording is really interesting, too. most of it is basic — e.g., “you saw an even greater jamie inside an already great jamie.” yet one part is so specific: “you also taught me to try to not get in my own way so much.” from the line delivery and his expressions, the clear implication is that it’s a subject they’ve spoken about, probably argued about, many times before. except this time, jamie is actually approaching it from the right side, keeley’s side, the side he should have from the very beginning.

jamie had been thrust into a bleak, dark nightmare of a situation, one that would’ve been worse than ever because a) his dad no doubt would have insulted him and gotten pissed at him for being dropped from a mid-table team as richmond and b) all those months away would’ve put him out of practice with dealing with everything so it would’ve affected him that much more.

yet instead of closing himself off or reverting to the man he used to be either out of despair or because it’s a nice protective shell, jamie sat himself down and took a good look inward. we of course see this manifest in the finale with him passing the ball instead of taking the shot himself, but i think it shows up arguably even more beautifully in the conversation he has with keeley.

and while it came as a huge surprise for her — speaking with jamieperiod but mostly because of his thank-you — it must’ve been so gratifying for her to hear as well. while jokes were surely made to keeley throughout their relationship about her boyfriend being an airhead, unappreciative, etc., she always saw that that there was so much more to him. yeah, he wasn’t going to invent a vaccine for cancer, yeah he was rough around the edges, yeah he sometimes was shortishgted and not the most considerate.

but he had the ability to be more, if only he would, well, get out of his own way.

so there he was dropping by her house with nothing but innocent, respectful intentions showing her that she wasn’t wrong to believe the things she did about him. that he did and does have the capacity to identify his shortcomings, to humble himself, to recognize where he went wrong, and to thank her for having unwavering faith in him.

now, are those things that shouldn’t be something to write home about? sure. but not in jamie’s case. because of his background and the defense mechanisms he had to create in order to survive, he’s been so far behind the eight ball when it comes to emotional maturity and the willingness to put himself out there.

so his trying and succeeding — without any ongoing help and while being in a situation that by all rights should’ve led to him shoving all that down instead! — is something to write home about, and keeley rightfully recognized and appreciated all of it. she gave credit where credit was due, just like she always did, she validated him (”he responds well to positive reinforcement” indeed), she assured him that yes, his instincts about doing the right thing aren’t misguided.

there are the big moments we get that showcase the start of jamie’s growth — the curse fire, jamie passing, season 2, and so on — but the scene in 1x08 i think gets overlooked a lot, which is a damn shame.

[frogtanii]

iwaizumi was... overwhelmed, to say the least.

the past few days had been such a whirlwind of change that hajime could barely properly process, much less appropriately react to it all, so he behaved much like a zombie, saying yes when prompted, signing papers when told, and packing up what was his entire life for the past 11 months.

wow. iwaizumi collapsed on his bed as he scanned his now barren bedroom. he’d been here for almost a year and yet, all his belongings were in boxes within a couple of days.

hajime couldn’t keep the disbelieving chuckle from escaping his chest as he leaned back on his bed, dark brown eyes trained on the ceiling.

it felt like he’d spent such a large chunk of his life trapped in this house, under the foot of the woman who he thought he’d marry but in reality, he’d been in little leagues longer than he’d been in love.

iwaizumi scoffed and rolled his eyes. yeah, “in love”. it’d been about a week since his whole life started to unravel and he had hardly seen, let alone spoken to meiko throughout that entire time.

over text, she’d sworn up and down that she loved and cared about him but as she passed by him packing his things a few days ago, she’d barely spared him a second glance.

hajime wasn’t going to lie. it hurt. he’d opened his heart up to her, something he didn’t do easily, and she’d taken his trust and used it to twist him into her weapon.

he always believed he was stronger than this — he’d never forget his mother telling him so when he was younger. he had fallen and scraped his knee yet he refused to cry to keep from upsetting his mom. iwaizumi existed to live up to what his mother thought of him but here he was, completely enveloped in meiko’s shit, doing her dirty work and following her bidding like some mutt.

god, toorū was right. he really was her bitch.

“i could hear you thinking from down the hall, iwa-chan.” speak of the devil...

oikawa stood at his doorway, leaning against the frame with a posture that seemed relaxed at first glance but if you looked a little closer, you’d notice the tenseness in his shoulders and the tightness of his smile.

hajime quickly sat up on his bed before motioning for his old friend to enter. “uh, yeah,” he began, his voice cracking a little from disuse, “i have a lot to think about.”

the light haired brunette let out an understanding hum before wandering into the room, sharp observant eyes darting to look at all the empty walls. “looks like you’re all packed.”

“pretty much,” iwaizumi nodded before the room fell into an awkward silence, the two childhood friends completely avoiding one another’s eyes.

“look, i-“

“iwa-chan, i’m-“

they both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound carrying into the hall and throughout the house.

hajime wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, shaking his head at their awkwardness. “you first, shittykawa.”

toorū gasped in halfhearted mock offense before quickly sobering up, training iwaizumi with a completely serious look. “i’m sorry and before you go on some bullshit, self sacrificing rant, you’re not the only one to blame for what happened to our friendship.”

he sighed while making his way to iwaizumi’s bed, sitting down gently beside him. “i should’ve known better, okay? i shouldn’t have let my jealousy and insecurities get in between us but i guess i got swept up in the attention, yknow? meiko is actually charming when she wants to be.”

iwaizumi nodded in agreement, knowing all too well how compelling meiko could be. the room fell into a more comfortable silence as both boys escaped into their thoughts, questions about the future of their friendship flitting throughout their minds.

“oh!” oikawa was pulled out of his own head at hajime’s exclamation, his eyes moving to observe his friend dig through his pockets to procure a thick white envelope. “here. i’d like you to give this yn.”

all toorū could do was nod, his brain short circuiting at the sight of iwaizumi’s apparent kindness to the woman he tormented for so long. “uh, what’s in it?” he ventured to ask, his soft hands toying with the sealed envelope flap.

a soft chuckle came from across the bed. “don’t be so nosy toorū, just give it to her, yeah?” oikawa rolled his eyes but obliged, the bed creaking as he stood to his feet.

“so... this is it, huh?” it was like the reality of the situation was just now sinking in — they hadn’t been close in a while but iwaizumi was still his best friend and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

they’d been through so much together, practically growing up together and now, they’d only see each other on holidays, if even then, and then he’d never be invited to hajime’s wedding as his best man as they’d planned and he also wouldn’t be the coolest uncle/godfather of iwa’s children and—

“fuck no,” hajime scoffed with a bright grin on his face. “thought you were gonna annoy me til the end of time shittykawa. don’t tell me you’re quitting your job now.”

the hidden meaning behind iwaizumi’s words brought tears to oikawa’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he launched his body into iwa’s arms. hajime hesitated, his hands stuttering at toorū’s sides as though he’d forgotten how to hug but the feeling passed, his arms winding around his friend’s lithe waist.

“‘m gonna miss you hajime,” oikawa’s voice came out as a broken whimper, his arms tightening around his shoulders.

iwaizumi hummed instead of responding, too afraid of his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. they stood there for a moment but the honk of the moving truck outside signaled the both of them of their limited time.

hurriedly, oikawa wiped the tears off his cheeks before waving awkwardly at iwaizumi as he left the room with a friendly, “don’t be a stranger.”

and then he was gone.

toorū finally allowed himself to collapse into sobs on his best friends empty bed, his palms pressing into his eyes as he sat there and just let himself feel.

apparently, he wasn’t crying very quietly because it took only a few moments for you to find him, your soft footsteps alerting him to your presence. oikawa scrambled to wipe away what he knew was an unattractive mixture of tears and snot as you got closer.

you were one of the last people he wanted to see him like this.

“hey,” you whispered, standing a few feet away from him. “um, i know this is probably a bad time but i just wanted to thank you for apologizing? back at the awards show?”

toorū sniffed as he looked up at you with confusion written on his face. “what? you shouldn’t thank me for apologizing. ‘s common courtesy.”

you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “well, not always. so, thank you.” finished with your piece and not too keen on lingering where you weren’t wanted, you moved towards the door but were swiftly stopped before you got there.

“um, here. it’s from iwa-chan.” you gaped at the thick envelope oikawa was handing you before taking it and opening it, a low curse falling from your lips.

inside the package was a dense wad of cash, more money than you’d seen in months. accompanied with it was a letter, written in beautifully loopy handwriting.

you shut it quickly before oikawa could see, stuffing the envelope deep within your pocket where you could access it alone in the depths of your room.

“do you wanna come eat? last i heard, bokuto and tsumu were doing a cooking competition and i’m sure it’ll be fun to watch.” you were severely thrown off by the money and letter but you were determined to show toorū that you’d accepted his apology and were on your way to making amends.

he gave you a shy nod and trailed behind you to the kitchen, the loud sounds of fire and screaming coming from down the hall. you wanted to focus on the fun and merriment but the envelope was practically burning a hole in your pocket.

later that night, you finally got the chance to open the letter and read it, your former manager’s words bringing tears to your eyes.

dear yn,

i’m probably the last person you expected to hear from. you probably didn’t want to hear from me at all if i’m being honest and i don’t blame you. i know there is nothing i can say that could make up for what i’ve done to you but i’d like to try.

i’m sorry. those words don’t nearly express in and of themselves how truly remorseful i am but they needed to be said. there’s no excuse for how i treated you — not meiko, not my stress, absolutely nothing.

you deserved my common decency and respect and i didn’t give that to you. instead, i abused my position and made your life hell. i’ll never forgive myself for that.

uh, i bet you’re wondering what the money is? i promise i’m not trying to pay you off, it’s just all the money i’ve denied you since you moved here. i have a lot of wrongs to right and this is one of them.

sorry, i’m not very good with words but i just wanted you to know that i’m very sorry for everything that i’ve done. and i’m in no place to make demands or anything but i just wanted to ask if you’d keep an eye on oikawa for me.

he’s strong but he’s also vulnerable. he might be a pain in my ass but he’s my best friend and since i can’t keep him from drowning, i was wondering if you’d do that - not for me but for him.

anyways, this letter is shit but i suppose you get the gist. use the money for whatever you want and if you’re as unselfish as i’ve heard, you don’t owe me anything. you don’t owe me money, kindness, or forgiveness.

take care of yourself,

iwaizumi hajime

℗ poker face

so... this is it

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - soooo m back :D hopefully this is the last of my mini hiatuses!! this chapter sucked to write but i’m not mad at how it turned out?? pls let me know how i did skjdkd don’t forget to feed me <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[music-my-angel]

All the hurt

Prompt - Hi love! I really love your work they fantastic especially 1d ones... I can request a Zayn centric (1d) where boys got in car accident but Zayn got seriously injured and almost dies because he is saving Louis from the impact but in the end he make fully recovery?? Make it little long and emotional Pretty pls... Love you ❤✨

 ------

How awkward can it be to have a reunion with your bandmates when all of you haven’t even talked to each other since the break? To be honest, though, Niall and Liam didn’t even think about that. They were just happy that both Louis and Harry were onboard with this reunion trip. Convincing Zayn proved to be a little tricky and once Zayn was persuaded, Louis decided to be grumpy. And then, it fell on Liam, Harry and Niall to ensure that their reunion remained peaceful. Little did they know that peace was going to be the last thing on their mind during this reunion!

------

Louis had been okay with the idea of a reunion. He thought that they were going to come back as a four-piece band again. He had no idea that Zayn was going to be joining them and once, he saw the guy arriving Louis was not ready to act nice.

They all gave Zayn a hug but Louis didn’t even share a look with the lad. Slightly hurt, Zayn tried to smile at Liam while Harry glared at Louis, following the man.

“He’ll come around, Zaynie. He’ll come around” Liam pulled the boy in a hug.

If he heard a sniffle from the older lad, then Liam tried not to draw any attention to that.

------

They hoped that Louis and Zayn will be able to mend their friendship over the next few days but things seemed to be turning worse as even Zayn started acting out towards Louis. They nearly got into an argument as they debated who’d drive the car to the hotel once they’d flew to their new destination. Thankfully, Liam settled the debate as he handed Louis’s the keys and pushed Zayn to ride shotgun. The next debate was about the song on the radio.

Harry huffed as he contemplated how the rest of the drive would go on.

The rest of the drive, though, got worse but not just for Louis and Zayn but for the entire group as well.

------

As soon as the first drops of water hit the windshield, Louis had a grimace on his face.

“Shit Louis, be careful” Harry said.

“That’s why I should have been driving” Zayn sarcastically said as Louis hit a bump in the road.

Liam sighed, shaking his head when suddenly they heard a blaring horn as an out of control truck charged on the road.

“Lou” Niall shouted.

Liam, instinctively grabbed Niall, tugging him closer as he reached for Harry’s hands, bracing themselves for the impact.

Within those few seconds, Zayn watched Louis’s face and realized that Louis was going to let the truck hit his side to save the boys from the worse.

On pure instinct, he reached over and turned the steering so that the truck would hit his side.

The last thing Zayn heard before the impact was Louis’s shout of his name.

------

The impact was hard. The crash was harsh. Paramedics had rushed to the scene and firefighters had to work hard to get Zayn out of the car. Niall and Harry suffered light injuries. Liam had a broken arm that he got while protecting Niall and Louis spent a few hours in surgery on his shoulder. Zayn, on the other hand, took the brunt of the crash.

Zayn had a serious head injury, a broken collarbone, a few broken ribs and a sprained ankle. The head injury meant that Zayn took a few days to wake up but once he did, it was to the face of very worried bandmates.

“Who are you?” was the first thing Zayn said when he woke up and while the others gasped in pure shock, Louis couldn’t help but fall in the chair next to Zayn, unable to stop the wracking sobs.

------

“Oh my God, Lou! Don’t cry! I’m okay” Zayn whispered.

“You… You remember?” Louis asked, confused.

“Was the wrong prank, I guess?” Zayn grimaced.

“You idiot” Niall reached over to lightly slap Zayn’s forearm.

They all leaned over to hug Zayn but Louis hadn’t made a single move.

“Lou, you still mad?” Zayn couldn’t help but ask.

“It’s my fault that you got hurt” Louis confessed.

“I chose to get hurt” Zayn admitted.

“Why?” Harry asked.

“You all would have gotten hurt” Zayn simply said.

“Zee, you could have died” Louis shouted.

“Couldn’t let you die, Lou! You’re my best friend” Zayn mumbled.

The hug that Louis pulled Zayn into was a strong yet careful one, as both boys held onto each other, with tears in their eyes.

------

Louis was hurt that Zayn left the band. Once they got together for the reunion, he didn’t want to give Zayn another chance to hurt him. But when it came to getting hurt, Zayn chose the worse for himself in order to save Louis and the boys and maybe that was enough to let go of all the hurt Louis had kept to himself following Zayn’s departure. It was time to start all over again and let go of all the hurt.

------

A/N

Not too sure of this but hope you all like it.

[sergeanttpoliteness]

➹teenage vows➹(peter b. parker x fem!reader)

Requested by anon➝   hi!! is it alright to request some peter b parker x fem!reader confession/proposal scene? tysm ❤❤

It’s time Peter caught up to some promises he made long ago. Like, embarrassingly long ago.

word count: 6k

a/n: hello! hope whoever’s reading this is having a good day bc u deserve it. just a heads up, but i think i’m gonna post a lot slower bc school starts tomorrow (pls kill me) and i gotta work hard if i want to get in a good college, y’know. gross. but anyway, i hope whoever requested it likes it! i had so much fun writing it and it’s rlly sweet and short, my heart is warm. i promise i’ll be uploading part 2 of one make out session next, idk when but i’m working on it (: enjoy!

It was moments like these— the ones where you flashed him teary smile, and reassured him that you didn't mind him leaving you for the night to go and save the city desperate for his protection— that Peter desired to pause the outside world just so it could be you and you only; no agonizing battles, no villains tearing him to pieces, no delinquents threatening the safety of others when they could barely even withstand a punch. Because just as much as everyone else, you needed him; and as guilty as it made him feel, he pondered the possibility of putting away the mantle of the Spiderling for a single night as he perched on the window sill hesitating, wearing his suit, his mask not fully on yet. But you both knew no such thing was an option whilst the news played loudly in the background, the piercing wails of the police sirens multiplying with each passing moment. You simply grasped the fabric and covered his face, smirking as you slowly walked away from the aperture. "Go save some civilians, Spider-Boy." You couldn't see it, but he grinned behind his disguise, for that nickname which would've bothered him if it'd come from someone else's mouth had set his heart ablaze ever since you two were just some kids; and the flare persisted, even as fervent bodies molded into jaded souls, beaten down by the colossal waves of changes and cataclysms that collided into you one after another.

That day you'd been victim of too many tides.

The evening that unfolded wasn't the one Peter planned. Not at all. Life was anything but a fairy tale; his surely wasn't close to being one, but he'd conjure that magic— transform reality into a children's book with your arms around his neck, his around your waist, your lips close, a soft amorous graze, your living room as the ballroom as you two gently swayed until the clock struck midnight. He'd plotted all the details, from the scent of the candles to every compliment he'd utter. Perhaps he worried too much, but it's what your love demanded, what you deserved, a happily ever after, and he'd oblige the heavens to bring you just that. More calamities were what the cosmos had in mind for you and Peter, though, a sour reality-shattering reminder of how nonsensical wasting time in dreaming of that fairy story was.

The first blow hit you (quite literally) just minutes after you woke up, and Peter accidentally knocked a cupboard into your nose. 'How was your morning?' Your coworker asked, the steaming vapor of her coffee clouding her glasses. You went cross-eyed as you glanced down at the gauze on your nose, briefly recalling the previous events— gushing blood, too much for your liking, maybe a broken nose, who knows, and a string of Peter's apologies flying at you at the speed of light as he placed the bandage over your wound. You wore a tight-lipped smile and shrugged while you were unabashedly dishonest— 'oh, you know, same old'. Yeah, because your boyfriend unintentionally breaking your nose (it's not broken, you insisted) was a normal thing, right? Then came the second slap to your face as a revelation; remembrance dawned upon you, your speeding brain screeching to a halt, and you sighed into your hands. It was you and Peter's two year anniversary.

The man spent the entirety of his work blasting himself; it hadn't slipped his memory, unlike you (which was a surprise, seeing how your enthusiasm the day prior could easily be compared to a child's in a candy store), but after his imbecility and shame, how could he not forget to kiss your forehead and bring you breakfast to your bed as a sweet morning surprise the same way you did last year? It didn't stop there— oh, no, it did not— for then came the third inconvenience of the day: goddamn Jameson went on another rant about him— or well, Spider-Man; not a phenomenon, really, you get used to it, but it was at the worst time possible. He timed it: fifteen whole minutes of his booming voice and curses, 'more pictures of the menace!' or whatever, as if Peter didn't already feel ludicrous enough while taking pictures of himself, or the twenty pictures scattered across his boss' desk were a meager effort. An unwanted setback, although he arrived back home nevertheless, scurrying to your bedroom and clumsily removing his clothes along the way. Suit? Check. Clean-shaven face? Check. That one fragrance which turned you on? Check that, too. Roses?

"Ah, shit." He muttered as he took the cooking pot from the cabinet. Roses. Stupid Jameson and his obsession with Spidey— he forgot to stop by the flower shop. It was alright, though, he could deal with it; no flowers? No problem. Just... the food needed to be good, restaurant-type of cuisine, and taking in mind he wasn't a terrific cook, it'd be quite the challenge. Peter lit the lighter, his hand on the stove's knob, prepared to ignite the burner, but he swore it'd suddenly come to life and taunted him, laughed at his upcoming defeat. He narrowed his eyes at the object, somewhat intimidated, when the front door slammed open. He peered up at the clock hanging on the wall. You were back ahead of time, a lot earlier than he'd anticipated; he didn't even have all the ingredients out yet. He alleviated the clutching in his chest with a deep breath before rushing over to the small portable stereo (you two really needed an upgrade), his finger pressing down on a button. He was satisfied with the soft tunes from the random jazz station and scratched the back of his neck as he went to greet you.

"Hey! You're... early." Saying that your appearance was rough would've been uncalled for, but your scowl and glossy eyes kindled that concern in the pit of his stomach. It was another punch, one that caught him off guard as he frowned and immediately wrapped his arms around you. "Hey, what's wrong?" His worry evoked a pang of guilt in you, and you thought about pulling away, but you couldn't, instead digging your nose deeper into the crook of his neck.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I just..." You reassured, your tense shoulders relaxing since God, you could breathe in that cologne of his, and he smelled so good. "You look hot."

You sensed his breath catch in his throat before he chuckled, rubbing the small of your back. "I'm glad you think that, but let's talk about you, alright?" You lifted your head to meet his gaze, smiling weakly when he placed a careful kiss on your temple. You squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head.

"I got a speeding ticket. Two hundred."

Fifth strike.

He blinked, processing your confession, his eyes slowly growing big. "Two hundred?!" You were expecting it; it was a normal reaction, yet you squirmed, flailing your hands as you attempted to explain yourself.

"I'm sorry—"

"Why? How?"

"I'm sorry," You repeated, your hands on top of your head. "I'm so stupid. I can't believe I'm so dumb, and we were saving for the trip but I just fucking ruined it. You deserve a vacation, Pete, I'm so sorry I'm like this." You spoke fast, pulling at your hair with frustration as you walked back and forth in front of him.

"Y/N..." He sighed, upset, of course, but forgiving. "Don't be so hard on yourself. It was just a mistake and we'll get through it, okay?" Your pacing ceased, skepticism crossing your face. "Yeah! The vacation can wait just for a bit. It'll be even more rewarding, anyway." He said with a beam, cupping your cheeks. You didn't know where the rare optimism came from, but you laughed at your lover, the remorse fortifying because you truly did not deserve the tolerance. On the spur of the moment, your fingers threaded through his hair and you pulled him in, urgent lips against his own soft ones. He couldn't help the subtle moan he emitted, dazed by your sudden lust as you spilled all your fervor and hunger into him; all emotion drained from every one of your cells, your fist gripping his jacket, tugging him as close to you as possible, bodies flush together, wrinkling the formerly smooth fabric, yet it wasn't enough.

His hand sneaked inside your shirt, riding up your back; but he paused and groaned, breaking apart from your blissful mouth. "After dinner, but right now I need you to help me because I haven't even gotten started with the food yet." He panted, abstaining from flinging all his cares far away and caving into your luring warmth to please you. Your mouth curved into a smile and you rolled your eyes, pushing him toward the kitchen.

He immediately got back to work, filling the large pot with water, but you stopped at the entrance and glanced down at your outfit. "I should get changed, shouldn't I?"

Peter turned around, shamelessly eyeing your body with desire. "You look perfect." You snorted.

"Peter, you're wearing a suit and I'm still in my work clothes."

"Maybe I... overdid it a bit?" He admitted with a bashful twitch of his lips. He took off his suit jacket, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows while you stole his discarded coat. He didn't notice until you put it on, quirking a brow. "You playing dress up or what?"

"This is it. This is what I'm gonna wear." You declared, raising your arms to show off your glorious look."

Peter bit his lip, a grin breaking out across his face, staring at you as if you were a divine entity, the physical proof of the existence of the heavens above as you straightened the creases. "You look silly." Adorable, he corrected himself internally.

"Nuh-uh, sir, I look hot." You scoffed, although you didn't look silly nor hot, but rather like a little kid who went through an exploration in his father's closet. You'd made up your mind, though; sacrificing a good-looking outfit sounded thousands of times better than actually making the effort to appear decent. You finished your five-second fashion exhibition before a full-blown runway commenced when your stomach rumbled, and summoned your inner chef, standing beside Peter. "You deal with the pasta, I'm gonna pick the salad because there's no way to mess that up."

"I'm the fuck-up, so shouldn't it be the other way around?" He muttered, and as if on cue, he almost spilled the dry pasta noodles all over the counter after miscalculating his strength and tore the bag open. His eyes drifted to you, and just like he predicted, you sported a judgmental expression. "I've got it."

"I dunno, I feel like if I give you a knife you're gonna somehow accidentally stab me." You chuckled, gesturing to the knife in your grasp. His face twisted with remorse. "I'm not feeling so lucky today."

"How's, uh, how's your nose doing?" He questioned, fault gnawing on him. It was the third time the man asked you, the first one being before you left for work, and the remaining a phone call and message during your shift. You, indubitably, told him everything was splendid, as if you didn't almost cry from the pain right after you waved goodbye to him and closed your front door.

"It's okay," You shrugged, despite the sting in the bridge of your nose. "Yeah, you know, it doesn't really hurt. Okay, no, that's a lie— it hurts a bit, but it's not something I can't handle."

"I'm so, so sorry I broke your nose. That was a really dick move."

"It's not broken!" You corrected him, pointing your finger at him. "It's fine. Don't worry, it just looks broken."

"If it looks broken, then it's broken."

"Since when are you a doctor?"

The corner of his lips tugged upwards as he added the pasta to the boiling water. "Y/N, getting my nose broken is my second job."

"Okay, whatever. I've heard the word 'broken' enough times today." You giggled, but then nibbled on your cheek while you began to slice a tomato. "Hey, I need to tell you something."

He swallowed, his throat all of a sudden dry. He opened his mouth to speak, but the abrupt ringing of his phone drove his attention to the device. "Hold on," He took it out of his pocket, his brows knitting together as he checked the screen. Your chest tightened after you sneaked a glimpse of the caller ID. "MJ? Hi!" He greeted, his voice way too cheery and his gaze still on you.

Your chopping came to a halt and you settled the knife on the cutting board. Her voice was clear, audible, yet you couldn't properly distinguish any of her words. Peter hummed as you held onto the counter, your knuckles turning white when his features broke out into a wide grin. "That's great! See, I told you you'd get through it."

Get through it, you reiterated in your head, the sixth wave crashing into your hot-blooded body.

"Yeah... yeah. You too. Night." He finally hung up, and your hand found itself on your hip.

"MJ?" You inquired, your eyebrows raised. He resumed his cooking, his phone forgotten on the countertop and you shot daggers at it.

"Yeah, she just wanted to tell me something."

"Tell you something?"

A crease appeared between his eyebrows and he looked at you sideways, confused. "A problem she fixed."

"Huh. I see." You grumbled, your brows scrunched together. Peter turned to face you, folding his arms across his chest.

"What?"

You met his stare. "What?"

"You're annoyed. I can tell."

"I'm not annoyed." You countered, squinting.

"Yeah, you are, 'cause you're doing that thing with your eyebrows—" He waved his hand, motioning toward your face. You mirrored his stance, doing exactly what he pointed out. "They get really expressive when you're mad."

"Suddenly, there's something wrong with my eyebrows?" You knew you were reaching, but the irritation dominated your mouth. Peter stammered in disbelief, briskly shaking his head.

"What?! Y/N, I did not say that at all."

You leaned against the kitchen counter, your lips tight until you were talking again. "You know, I just think it's kinda weird."

Peter looked heavenward, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Oh, here we go." He took in a deep breath, peeved. "What?"

"How you and Mary Jane have been calling each other so much lately." You mumbled, hugging yourself.

"What about it?"

Now you were the incredulous one. "What about it? Peter, it's weird."

"Yeah, I heard you the first time, but explain why." He said, exasperated.

Your jaw tightened and you picked up the knife before restarting with the slashing of the food, your hold of the tool harsh. "I don't really need to explain myself."

"Well, I want you to!"

"Alright, you want to know why it's weird? You want me to tell you?" Your tone grew louder.

"Yes, please! Go on!" Peter nodded, voice equally as bitter. You scraped the sliced tomatoes off of the cutting board with the knife, careless about where they landed, and clutched a second vegetable.

"She's your ex." You hissed. He had to momentarily walk away, although not too far considering the restricted place. He rubbed his face, holding up two fingers with his other hand.

"That was two years ago. Almost three."

"Your ex-wife!"

"I know what she is, Y/N, but there's no need to be worried. There's a reason why it didn't work out."

"It's kinda hard not to worry when she's calling you all the time, apparently telling you about all the problems in her life and who knows what else. I bet you call her to complain about me, or something." You poked his chest with a pickle.

He pushed the cucumber away with his finger, laughing. "Oh my god, you're being so ridiculous right now."

"I'm allowed to be ridiculous right now!" You shouted, slamming the green edible on the piece of wood.

"We're just friends! I can't even believe I have to say this!"

You shot him a sneer. "How can you just be friends with your ex?"

"Well, that's what we were after we broke up the first time, no?" He claimed, his forehead creased. You grew quiet and weakly dug the blade into the cucumber.

"That's different, I was your best friend. I am your best friend." You whispered, but he wasn't taking it.

He tilted his head back, his eyes closed. "It's really not different."

"It is!" You persisted, "We were kids, and I was friends with Gwen, so obviously it's not like I even thought about trying something."

"You think MJ is trying something?"

You blinked furiously, lifting one shoulder. "You know we never got along that well!"

Peter took a step closer to you, holding himself up with his hand on the counter. "She wouldn't ever do that, Y/N, no matter how bad things are between you two." You rolled your eyes.

"How would you know?"

God, you truly were driving him crazy. He began to tap his foot, groaning. "How would I know? How would I know? We were together for sixteen years, I know a lot more than you do!"

"Sixteen years, no way there still wouldn't be some sort of feelings." You lowly told yourself, but he still listened. He squeezed his hands closed and his view landed on the bundle of bananas inside a basket. He ripped one, peeling it open and taking a large bite, his infuriation pushing him to stress-eat. You heard him exclaim, as if he'd managed to remember an idea long repressed.

"What about that one guy you're always talking with? Thomas, was it?" He began, his mouth full. You whispered 'oh my god' as he swallowed before continuing. "You two dated, didn't you?"

You placed your hand on your chest, unbelieving that he decided to complain about the most insignificant guy in your relationship. "Peter, he's my coworker."

"Well, it's kinda hard not to worry!" He mocked you, flailing his arm.

"Fucking hell."

"He's all attractive and shit, with his eight-pack, expensive car, and twenty dogs. Real boyfriend material, huh?" He clenched his teeth, his hands trembling with the overwhelming jealousy.

You peered up at him, your eyes soft. "I would never hurt you like that."

"Exactly!" He gently held your shoulders, hopeful that you finally understood you absurd your worries were. "Neither would I! Ever."

"You broke up with me once, why would you not do it again?!" You shoved his hands off of you. Despair clawed at your heart, poisoned your insides with its foul venom, constricting your lungs, wetting your eyes.

Your words and crestfallen features subsided his fury, like a powerful breeze extinguishing a flickering candle, a gleam of sunlight reaching out through heavy sullen clouds, clearing his sight. His face fell, his fingers twitching, aching to touch you. "Y/N..."

You cracked, lost control, lashed out all your anguish on the food you cut. "You left me for Gwen! After three years!" Your cutting sped up, loud and quick clanks echoing across the room. "You said you loved me! A-and I believed you!" You sobbed, yet no tears would spill; only built up rage as you snagged a second tomato and stabbed it harder, the blade dangerously close to your finger.

"You're gonna hurt yourself." Peter warned, watching as you ignored him and only went faster, harder, your hand beginning to cramp up.

"But then you didn't love me, you loved her, and everything you said became complete bullshit and just lies! All those stupid promises and your fucking vows," You couldn't see anymore, your vision too blurry, but you didn't slow down. "What was I supposed to do other than just be happy for you? Because I had to be a good friend, and I just wanted you to be happy—"

"Y/N—"

You felt the knife close to your finger. "And what if it happens again? Mary Jane is perfect, you two were perfect; maybe one day you'll regret you chose me at the end—" Peter's hand shot out and captured the knife. You closed your mouth and blinked your tears away, your eyes then growing wide, for the blade hung right above your finger.

He moved it to the side and away from your resting hand, his grasp shaky. "I told you you were gonna hurt yourself." He breathed out.

The radio remained barely audible before, almost as if its presence were missing, but as silence overtook the room— heavy, asphyxiating, weighing down on both of you, crushing you with no mercy— it made your skull pulse. You laid the cutting tool back down, your gaze fixed ahead of you.

"My boss laid me off today." You saw through your peripheral vision how his head jerked up. "That's why I got back home early. And why I got the speeding ticket." You revealed, ashamed. Peter gulped, trying to dive to the surface, float in the flooded wreckage you two were trapped in.

"I'm sorry."

"What do you mean? It's not your fault." You looked at him, but it was quick. "And it's not my fault, either. I guess the trip will have to wait longer than we expected." You sadly joked.

He didn't say anything. He simply approached you, slowly and quiet, and soon his arms were around you. You grew weak to his embrace and squeezed him, inhaling deeply, holding back the tears once again that day— you didn't even know, really, you'd lost count. 

The universe wouldn't hand you the quietude you had craved so easily, though, because without warning, Peter began to usher you far from the stove. "Wait, wha—" A bang cut you off and you yelped while Peter unconsciously pulled you closer to him. You heard clinking, a shattering sound as something rained over the floor. You both slowly glanced back, still hugging each other.

"What the hell?" You gasped when you saw the large crack running up the stove top, various small ones branching out from it, and glass littering almost all of your kitchen. Peter's body shook and you stared up at his nervous grin.

"I told you we had the change the stove."

You two began to laugh— not a normal response to your stove exploding, indeed; perhaps it was an odd way to cope with the pain, but Peter ran his fingers through his hair as he chuckled.

"I should've listened." You smiled at him, and your mind turned to mush when he returned the expression.

"Good evening, everyone— I'm sorry to interrupt, I know that tonight is 'only music' night." The music ended and a dopey voice spoke instead; a guy who'd most definitely hit a few too many blunts.

"What kind of station did you chose?" You asked your boyfriend, your face scrunched up. He shrugged, just as clueless as you were.

"I don't know, it was on when I switched on the radio." However, your ears perked up when the man carried on.

"Just in case you haven't watched the news yet, I wanted to tell you to please stay away from Times Square. There's some crazy stuff going on there, man, it's nuts, and the police are arriving on the scene. But..." Peter looked at you, his eyes sad with guilt. Realization hit you like a truck, your heart almost stopping.

It was the final straw.

"No... no, please, Pete." You started to breathe heavily, your lower lip trembling. He held your hands, kissing your knuckles apologetically.

"I'm so sorry." The tears flowed free, and it broke him further.

"Everything's been going wrong today, p-please, I don't want anything bad happening to you." You begged. But he was already leaving the kitchen, and you yelled out a frustrated curse. You ran to the living room, searching for the remote control, then fell to your knees as you saw it under the coffee table, instantly snatching it. You desperately wiggled the remote when it didn't work, but moments later the TV lit up, and you jumped from channel to channel, seeking for the news. You raised your hand up to your mouth, your shoulders shuddering from the horrific footage— the hopelessness, the explosions, the fire. You heard the first siren outside.

You felt a tender hand on your shoulder, the indication of what you feared the most, of the dreaded goodbye lurking in all your nightmares. You were fully submerged into the screen, enough that you hadn't noticed Peter standing behind you. "This was not the night I planned." He said, staring down at the ground. " We were gonna have a nice dinner, maybe even dance like you enjoy to do sometimes, and then... I don't know, but I'm sorry. You deserved it." He confessed, sorrowful and sincere.

You placed your hand on his hard chest, over the spider emblem of his suit. You didn't waste any time and kissed him, a passion different from earlier; different from the arousal, the heat at the pit of your stomach, the goosebumps spreading all over your skin. Now it was just as forceful, just as needy, but it tasted like innocent affection, like a refuge for a terrified child from a spine-chilling thunderstorm, the assurance that the downpour would pass. You cherished every second, the way he clung onto your waist with as much urgency, his breathing as he ended what he hoped was just another kiss and not the last one. It tore you down to nothingness, but it's what you signed up for the moment you fell in love with him, and you truly did not regret it. Never.

Your foreheads rested against each other, your hands trailing up to his shoulders. "Happy two year anniversary." He grinned. You pecked him one last time.

"Happy two year anniversary."

It was the usual routine: he went to the window, putting his mask over his head, not bothering to brush away his hair, and he looked back at you. Stay, you both thought as you followed him. You held yourself back, though, for you knew that if you asked him to, he would. You tugged his mask down, covering his face. "Go save some civilians, Spider-Boy. I love you." His white eyes were wide, taking you in wholly.

"I love you, too."

You undid the button of Peter's suit jacket for the twentieth time in a row, the action a momentary consolation as your eyes lingered on the flat screen; however, your mind drifted away somewhere in the vastness of space, distant from the images and your solitary apartment, revolving around a certain man you couldn't help but worry about. The broadcast should've been enough to relieve your fidgeting and the iciness that ran through your veins, because just like always, the superhero had saved the day, but you wouldn't ease into satisfaction until you had Peter in your arms— safe and sound, alive. That comfort arrived in the form of the window sliding open, and you jumped off your seat, wrapping your arms around your torso, watching as the red and blue figure slipped inside. He closed the window, holding his side, and he removed his mask with a swift motion, strands of hair sticking up while others fell graciously. You repressed the shocked gasp at his appearance; his bleeding and swollen lip, the cut running up his forehead, his nose which now looked just like yours if not a bit worse, and the forming bruise on his cheek.

You ran up to him and hugged him tightly. As gentle as you tried to be, it still hurt, but he didn't voice his pain. "I'm proud of you. You did great." You kissed his shoulder. He mumbled a 'yay!' and you let out a weak laugh, carefully pulling his arm. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up."

He tugged you back into him, his eyes droopy with exhaustion. "No."

Your eyebrows rose, confusion overtaking your face. "What?"

"Our date is not over yet."

You sucked in a breath, ignoring his ridiculous statement— he'd definitely received a rough blow to his head. "Peter, it's late, you need some rest—"

"Just, please." He urged. "Trust me." He bore his eyes burning with need into yours, frowning.

It was unbelievable, how Peter B. Parker could ask you to dress up as a hot dog and breakdance in the middle of the street and you'd comply, simply because it's what he wanted. You're weak, you told yourself, your hand in Peter's as you strolled down the pathway of the park; although you did force him to sit down and let you patch him up earlier, for only the man thought there was nothing wrong with leaving the house looking like you just came back from the fight club— ‘it's gonna heal soon’, he would whine as the roles reversed and you smoothed the gauze over his nose. He limped slightly while he picked a flower from a bush, another one for the growing collection in his fist, and you groaned loudly.

"Parker, seriously, I wouldn't have minded if we'd stayed back at home. Our anniversary doesn't need to be perfect." You said, expecting it'd knock some sense into him. He remained stubborn, though, inspecting the plants he held.

"Oh man, you said 'Parker', you must be serious." He wore a crooked smile and you narrowed your eyes at him. "Look, the day was far from perfect, so at least I want it to end well."

"I mean, this place is really nice." You acknowledged as you both stopped to admire a cherry blossom tree. Peter glanced sideways at you, his mouth twitching.

"Do you remember when we planned our wedding?"

You looked back at him and you both cringed, laughing after. "Ah, we did that, didn't we?" You crinkled your nose, recalling the night you and Peter lied on your twin bed; surrounded by heavy textbooks and colorful notes with illegible writing, in a haze from all the studying that you two started to make big, naive plans for a distant future, your head on his chest as he ran his fingers through your hair.  

"It was cute at the moment, but now that I think back, it was really stupid." He laughed. You swiped away the fallen flowers of the tree with your foot, nostalgia showering over you.

"Yeah... I wonder what sixteen-year-old me would think about thirty-eight-year-old me. Probably would be disappointed. At least she'd be happy I'm with you, though." You admitted softly, your skin prickling. "That's something her and I have in common."

Peter flashed you a half-smile. "Really?"

"Yeah," You grinned back, your eyes darting down to the petals he plucked. "Hey, don't kill it! What did it ever do to you?"

"It looked at me the wrong way." He smiled, shrugging. "I'm just nervous, that's it."

"What, you playing 'does she love me, does she love me not'?" You fluttered your eyelashes, the back of your hand on your forehead. He bit his lip, snickering, but then went poker-faced.

"It's a really serious game, Y/N." Your body lit up with laughter and he moved to face you, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he stared at you. "I want you to know that everything I said back then wasn't a lie. I meant every 'I love you' and promise I made."

You shoved your hands inside the pockets of his suit jacket (you probably should have changed, you realized), shifting your weight from one foot to another. "Pete, I know." You took out one hand to squeeze his bicep. "Forget everything I said earlier, alright? The jealousy just got to me and I said some dumb shit."

He shook his head, his fingers curling around your wrist. "No, but... I really did. And I've been thinking lately th-that maybe things with MJ didn't just work out because I was scared to have kids. I love you, Y/N. It's always been that way."

"Peter..." You rubbed his knuckles with your thumb, your heart glowing. "I love you, too."

"I'm sorry I didn't do this sooner."

You lifted a brow, puzzled. "Do what?" Your confusion dissolved when he dug his hand into his pocket, the color draining out of your face as he revealed a blue velvet box. You took a step back in disbelief, your hand cupping your cheek. "Parker, I swear to God."

"I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this moment." His voice wavered with nerves, the confirmation that this wasn't a sick prank he was pulling— not that he ever would hurt you in such way, anyway, but it was impossible not to feel lightheaded from the shock of witnessing a daydream you'd imagined for so long unfolding right in front of you, to not tremble as you waited for everything to slowly fade away as you woke up from another dream. His touch felt so real, though, so genuine, far from a fabricated illusion created just to satisfy a lurking desolation. "I wish I had known back then— God, I really do. But maybe I did kinda know, because after we discussed the whole dream wedding thing, I proposed to you." He recalled.

You sniffed, smiling. "You said it was practice for when we did get married."

He nodded, scratching the back of his neck. "It was not romantic at all." You both giggled, the ring he'd made out of a ripped piece of paper present in your memories.

You scanned your own outfit, wishing you'd looked much nicer for the occasion. "I look terrible right now."

"And so do I, but I don't care, because my heart still does that thing when it's the afternoon and you haven't showered yet."

"You're ridiculous."

"I know."

A deep rumble in the sky shook the ground beneath your feet and Peter looked up, letting out an exasperated sigh when droplets of rain pattered down on you. "Yeah, way to ruin the moment, weather. Thanks."

You lifted your hand to cover your face from the light drizzle, miniature beads of water on your eyelashes. "You know we can't afford a wedding right now, right?" You asked him, the corner of your lips tugged upwards.

His cheeks expanded as he let out air through his pressed lips. "I know. We gotta get that new stove."

"Our bed broke."

"Speeding ticket."

"I lost my job."

"You need a new nose." He tapped his own nose, which was a bad idea after he twisted his face in discomfort.

"It's not broken!" You insisted with a gesture of your hand, the corner of your eyes crinkled as you laughed. The rain poured down harder, quickly drenching yours and Peter's hair along with your clothes. Nothing was stopping him anymore, though, and he got down on one knee, audibly still aching from his bruises. Your laughter persisted, but now you hiccuped as well, your eyes red.

"We're not at a beach in Hawaii, but I tried to get the petals at least." When you inspected the ground— purple and red petals messily surrounding you, shriveled from the water— you comprehended the reason for his flower killing spree. You gripped his cold hand, the downpour emitting a shudder from you.

"It really doesn't matter."

"Good, good." He breathed out, more like a reassurance for himself, his own breathing speeding up for he could sense the tears coming as well. "Y/N. I loved you back then. I love you right now... and I'll love you for the rest of my years. It's not an exaggeration, it's the truth. I promise I'm not going anywhere. Not again. So..." He opened the box, and you stared in awe at the golden circlet with the pretty silver diamond.

"Will you marry me?"

You couldn't utter a single word, your throat closed up as you instead nodded fervently. You both beamed at each other, your smiles easily capable of moving worlds and galaxies as he slid the engagement ring onto your finger, his own hands trembling. You didn't give him a chance to stand up— you got down to his level and crashed your lips into his, your mouths slippery from the rain, your appearances far from alluring with his hair clinging to his skin and your mascara trailing down your cheeks. But it was alright. For the first time that day, everything was alright.

[chaniters]

A day in the life

I wanted to write something that went through the emotional spectrum (don’t ask me why) so I came up with this. 0 planning ahead too. I kind of like it! 

A day in Cyrus’ life. Enjoy and pls reblog if you like it!

Contents:

Fluff, Romance, Angst, sadness, hope, mention of torture, revenge, shock moment (attempted), gotcha moment (attempted).  

Hope you enjoy it!

_____________________________

“Why? Why can’t you see me?!” you scream pulling off your shirt “I’m right here!”.

But Ortega has his back to you, looking at the window… the window you jumped through. But this is his house… It can’t be the same window… right?

----------------------

7:00 AM

BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!

Your hands reach for the clock…  You heard it already.

Did that even count as a nightmare…? It was confusing as heck. You close your eyes for a second, preparing for what comes next...

Get up. Get a bath. Deodorant....Get dressed. Eat some crunchy snacks or whatever.  Do something with your hair… take a very brief look at the small mirror and walk to the door…

-----------------------

7:30 AM

BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!

“Aww fuck!” you say as you wake up again…

Great.

It’s going to be one of those days of course.

Now you have to get off the bed again... and do all those things, for real this time.

It takes a while, but you manage to stand.  

Take 2. Bath. Deodorant. Clothing. Crunchy snacks. Hair, mirror… ugh. Hair again, then mirror again… better.

Check your phone… training with Herald. You need to hurry to take the bus, or he’ll come to pick you up, and that’s not someone you’re mentally prepared to accept this early in the morning.

Walk outside… and it’s hot again. But you can’t let that stop you.  

8:37 You can’t believe you made it in time. Herald’s there, smiling, and you smile too. Some of his cheerfulness at training with his childhood hero rubs onto you every single time. That’s not the only thing rubbing onto you, of course, he thinks he’s so subtle with all the touching during combat, and of course, you’re not sure about what to do with it.

He thinks you’re sexy.

Sexy. There’s something wrong about the word itself. It makes you want to hide in your room and never come out.

He thinks you’re sexy in a crude, physical way. It’s infuriating and confusing… Luckily he’s quite good at reading the water and knows not to say it aloud.  Ortega gave him a list of things not to do around you, it’s clear as water in his mind.

“Don’t talk about his appearance. Don’t ask too many questions about his past. When he says he’s ok, he usually isn’t. Wait a bit and ask again. Don’t invite him to places where he can’t take a taxi if he needs to leave. If he offers to do you a favor and you say yes, he’s going to follow through all the way so keep that in mind” and the list goes on. The Cyrus guide. Or is it the Sidestep guide? It’s so fresh in his mind you can almost recite it in Ortega’s voice.

He wants to be your friend, and you’d like to be his friend too, he seems like a really nice guy. It sickens you to lie like this, but then again, this is hardly the worse thing you’ll have to do before this is all over.

Also, you agreed to train him… and that means that you have to follow through, don’t you? Ortega said so, and he knows you damn too well.

Training ends by 10:10 and you’re both sweaty… of course you can’t get off your clothes unlike him… Shirtless Herald is a very confusing experience for you, and it forces you to exert harder than you normally would in order to hide the blushing. You can detect hints in his mind that he’s sometimes posing on purpose. They’re hard to track because he’s not even admitting it to himself, but it’s there … bastard.

“Keep it up,” you say with a smile, handshake, and fistbump.

You can handle those. You just hope he doesn’t hug you, and you’re dreading -you know- he’s going to do just that one of these days.

----------------------

10:34

Heading home again… A quick shower, change of clothes and then back outside. Why is it still cold?!

-------------------------

11:15

Ortega walks you to your psychiatrist, making sure you’ll get past the door. You look like you’re waiting your turn for the guillotine, he says encouraging you. He’s so right…

--------------------------

12:15

You walk out, then have lunch with him. Talk about life, whats’ going on in his, and what details you made up about yours… He flirts, and that just makes you sad, because you know it’s pointless for you to play along. It just won’t work out in the end.  

He’s confused as usual. That’s how it goes these days. You try to change the subject and even flirt back a bit but he’s not fooled, he knows somethings up. He wants to know, he wants to help, but he can’t. The reasons are written all over your body, and the only truth you have is that stupid mask you wear every night.

You lie… you say you’re ok. He digs in… you complain you say you’re already getting treatment. What else does he expect you to do? And of course, you know,  he just wants you to tell the truth, but that’s not something you can do. You don’t even know how It’s not like you’ve done it before.

“Try to downplay your powers. Try to keep your skill acceptable, but don’t go overboard. Never volunteer for ANYTHING, you get that you? Don’t volunteer. Also, learn how to lie and do it well. Use all the training you’re getting and it’ll keep you alive” That’s what she told you. That night, after you saved her life… Your handler. Those words of advice saved your life. Learning not only to lie to for your owners but also how to lie to them… You wish you had gotten to know her better. But you didn’t, and then she died, and you were alone. That’s what you deserved because you were horrible to people back then… and given the circumstances you still are. You’re just a bit better at getting to know them well.

Ortega finally relents, and you agree to meet later.

You feel exhausted, tired of the lies and tired of the truth.

---------------------------

14:23

Dr. Finch's attempt to piece you back together only served as a reminder of how broken you are, while Ortega’s attempts to rekindle old feelings are like a rusted dagger twisting in your guts.

Walking through the park to watch the dogs play is what you do to rest your mind of them both.

And then Steel appears.

He comes here too sometimes. You never know whether he’ll be around or not, his walks seem to be guided by Spoon’s mind more than a tight schedule.

He’s the only one you hate.

Because he never trusted you

Because he knew something about what happened to you and kept it to himself while you were tortured.

Because Ortega chose to save him instead of you.

Yet here in the park you make small chat. Talking about who’s a good boy, the weather and the latest movie. It’s odd that he’s the one person most interested in your present than your past or future.

There is a sort of guilt in his mind.

He thinks you know exactly what it is.

But you don’t, and never will. You’re not curious to learn the secret of his guilt.

He thinks you’re always reading his mind, no matter how many times you tell him you don’t…

And of course, you never do.

You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of being right.

You don’t want to read the mind of the one person who wanted you out of the picture during the only time during in which you were happy, even after you risked your life for the team.

You don’t want to read the mind of someone who only stopped hating you after you died.

Above all, you don’t want to know if he also thinks Anathema’s death was your fault.      

And thus, you keep the smallchat, and praise spoon, because he’s a good boy.

--------------------------

15:33

You say goodbye and walk your separate ways. Back to the shop… get some more repairs done for paying customers. That’s the best way to keep your mind off things…

--------------------------

18:46

It’s time.

Another change of clothes… this time you ditch the hoodie in favor of reinforced body armor, your shoes for Jump-Jet boots and throw in a mask.

------------------------------

20:12

Fighting Lady Argent for the cameras… The battle seems to be going her way, that is until you shove her through a concrete wall with your trusters, the floor giving away, and the both of you fall out of sight of the media under a ball of dust and into the tunnels below.

You stop fighting, hold a hand for her.

She takes it and stands up, crossing her arms… She follows as you walk the tunnel ahead. You take off your helm and take a deep breath.

“Sabotaging Biomax’s new plant inauguration? Why? What’s the big plan?”

“Expose their bribes and the health risks obviously. Weaken the government bastards” you state.

“Yes, but how does that help you at all? Because I don’t get it”

“It doesn’t… “ you confess “... but that’s hardly the point. I can’t fight the symptom, I have to fight the whole system”

“You mean to tell me you’re doing this just out of pure altruism?”

You struggle with the answer before speaking again  “No, not really… it’s just… something that needs to happen. It needs to be done and I’m the only one who can do it”

“And how do you know you’re the one to do it? There are other ways… safer ways…”

“No! No one can strike at them as I’m doing now… I have to do this. I can’t help it… it’s inevitable..”

She stops in her tracks and you realize she just *saw* something in your face because she looks at you with serious concern.

“Cyrus, you’re not well… maybe you and I should talk to Ortega… You can’t keep doing this”

“NO!” you turn and shout almost instinctively in a tone that would have sounded more natural if it came through your voice distorters. “I can’t stop now! I have to do this Argent… I just… I can’t… I can’t stop”

The hand on your shoulder catches you unaware.  Not choking you. Not trying to stab you.

“You’re going to get killed”

“That’s been a given since the first day I ran away from them” you smile weakly

You barely finish the sentence when she just leans in and kisses you, holding your thin armored self closer with strong silver arms. Well, you did not see that coming, and since you can feel her mind, that means she didn’t see it coming either. Does she always act on impulse like this? It would explain a few things.

It’s downright confusing because you never thought about kissing women… but you still kiss her back.

“You’re insane, you know that right?” she says

“Is that your pickup-line?” you smile.

“Better than yours”

“Oh really?” you say, and this time you’re the one who leans to kiss her instead…

Is this really happening?!?! What is wrong with you?!

“Wait, which was my pickup line again?” you say, and this time you’re the one who leans to kiss her

“You’re a dork. And you talk far too much,” she says pushing you away. Your legs feel weak after this, and your whole body’s tingling. And she’s smiling. Smiling at you.  

“Let’s give them a show!”

You nod, grinning….

And then the wall in front of you breaks to pieces, as she drives you directly through it and back into view of the media. You both stumble back into the open street, fighting the hell out of each other. You’re not really holding back, she would tear you apart if you did… but her claws are not as sharp as usual, and you’re not attempting to break her skull as much as you used to. This time, you’re both enjoying the dance. 

And you’re the only ones who can tell the difference.   

Still, you’re lying to her. She’s the one that knows the most, but she doesn’t know you well enough to tell just how far you’re willing to go for this...

-----------------------------

21:46

Back home… you’ve got a score of new bruises, but the present pain is a distant memory compared to Argent’s lips.

How the hell did this happen?!

You risk a brief look at the mirror.

“Are you going Bi, Cyrus?” Your reflection asks.

You don’t answer… Whatever happens, happens you guess.

Fucking rangers. They all know a part of you, but none of them gets the whole picture.

Ortega knows the person you could have been If it wasn’t all a fantasy you created.

Herald knows the person you wish you were, but will never be.

Steel, he knows that no matter who you are, you can’t really ever be trusted…

And Argent, she knows what you are, but she just can’t really understand it. That’s the only explanation for the kiss… yes, that must be it.

Enough. Time to rest…

You collapse on the bed…

----------------------

21:52

A different bed. A different apartment. You slowly come to your feet.

Let them all wonder who you really are… you can just let go and be someone entirely different.

Eat... Exercise… call Mortum…

He says he’s not ready to see you yet… Not this body... Nor the other one. And it’s been two weeks.

But at least he doesn’t hang up on you.… You can still talk over the phone, and share text messages, as you go through all of Eden’s nighttime activities. He’s pulling an all nighter too, working on some project.

You’re just happy he hasn’t revoked your telephone privileges. Having someone to talk to makes all the difference in the world. Even if it’s a mad scientist you tricked by possessing someone else’s body.  Mortum goes to bed at about five am, leaving you alone. He says he might be willing to meet you in a few days. He apologizes. You apologize to him. He ends the call.

It comes to a close at around six am, when you stop by to leave Rosie the envelope with her payment.

Time to head back… leave Eden back in his bed…

You have no rush really. Let Mortum take his time.

---------------------------

Closing your eyes and leaving Eden, you plunge back into a brief nightmare, one in which you are back at the farm, bound to what seems the unhappy marriage of a medical bed and a medieval torture device.

You’re back at the farm.

And of course, they are torturing you… but you won’t speak.

“I’m going to stop you all!” you scream “That’s the reason I was created! To put an end to it all! That’s the one true reason! It’s inevitable!”

A figure walks up to you, caressing your forehead softly.

“No my deluded child. You are an infiltration unit, and you’ve been far too long away from home. We captured you two days ago. You malfunctioned. But don’t you worry, we’re going to fix you, get you back into the flock in no time. We just need a tiny bit more information… Now, answer me… where… Where did you leave the nanites you stole? They weren’t in your apartment, or your hideout.” she asks again.

“You… You can ask and torture me all you want. Put me … put me through any of your tools” You cough, the blood coming out of your mouth all too real “You’ll never find them!” you say, laughing feverishly.

Regina looks at you with a sad expression. “You know I don’t like doing this… but you’re not really leaving me much choice…” She turns to look at the operatives behind the glass. “Put him through another round… have him relive the whole day again, from the beginning”

“That will kill him... He’s already gone through it six times”

“The White House is demanding we find out where the nanovores are. Unless you have any more bright Ideas on how to find out where he left his weapon of mass destruction, then you better do as I say or I’ll find someone who will” she snarled “DO IT NOW!”

The operator goes silent and simply answers with a few words.

“Rebooting system now… synchronizing with his implant in 5…”

“You should try to cooperate with us child”

“...4”

“This is for your own good”

“...3”

You smile, with blood on your teeth. The farm is going to end… It’s all going to be over…

“...2”

The nanites... You can feel them activate them as your pulse accelerates. Each time they come closer to release…

“...1”

Hidden in your bloodstream. That’s where you store them every single time. Take them off the containment glove and let them inside you… That’s why you didn’t want them able to eat through organic matter, so they could be ready for this precise moment. You knew they would catch you eventually. The nanites are linked to your vitals and once they kill you… Well, that’s their cue. They’ll devour everything in their path. The entire installation and all its experiments will be gone in a pile of rubble in minutes.

You close your eyes, waiting for them to trigger their own destruction...

….

A few seconds pass

“Well?” Regina asks impatiently.

“I’m getting reports of a breach, Director!”

“What?!”

“It’s the Rangers! They are coming to rescue him…!”

“Impossible…!”

“They’ve taken down the gate guards”

“Well.. if they like to play rough… we’ll do it their way. Alert security right now! Tell them to send in class 4 Gene-warriors.”

They are here? No.. no no no, this is bad… They shouldn’t be here. They need to leave right now. This isn’t how you planned this... You begin struggling with your bonds and the mind dampener both.

“In the meantime, activate the device anyways… Let the Ranger situation resolve itself. They can’t make it past our forces, and now finding the nanites is all that matters.”

“... n... No…, please... I’ll tell you” you gasp

“Good try child, but I won’t let you buy time for your friends. We’re not making deals today.”

She looks back at the operator.

“Do it!”

“Going in 3”

“...2”

“Noooo!!” you scream

“...1”

……………………...

7:00 AM

BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!

Your hands reach for the clock…  You heard it already.

Did that even count as a nightmare…? It was confusing as heck. You close your eyes for a second, preparing for what comes next...

__________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[quillyfied]

playing catchup, here’s some thoughts about DCA episode 120, with 121 coming here in a bit.

- I love these fireside episodes, and Satine Phoenix is an excellent person to mediate their discussions; she’s very warm and empathetic and these losers need that desperately

- Strix’s timeline is screwy, as I believe I have discussed on this blog before, but…uh…there’s a particular piece of Strix backstory Holly wrote that if it happened before she went to Baba Yaga…yikes. I don’t want to discuss it in too much detail but Strix would still have been so, so young for this particular piece of trauma, that’s gut-wrenching to think about. All of their childhoods included some form of trauma at a heartbreakingly young age and all of it is hard to think about but wooow.

- Paladin training is no joke, but I wonder how much younger than the others Evelyn was, to have advanced to full paladin status at 22 (probably younger). Given her leg, that’s really hella impressive.

- Relissa and Kagan are TERRIBLE and I can’t wait until we meet them, I am hoping for bloodshed on Diath’s behalf. But now Diath’s question to Paultin during the therapy episode makes more sense—“Was she nice to you?” KILL ME

- Diath’s fond smile and his tone of voice when he says her name after Strix says “so we CAN kill them!”, I’m drowning in my feelings pls help

- Yeah, trying to parse the conversation better, it does sound like Diath was dating both of them. So polyamorous Diath is most likely canon, which is…huge, honestly.

- Just going off of the body language and his facial expressions…that is not Diath’s root fear of cages and enclosed spaces. He probably had that long before Relissa and Kagan got to him. If anything, being imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit would probably crystalize that fear into a full-on psychosis, if it wasn’t there already

- okay imagining little bitty Evelyn zipping around in her boots makes me SO HAPPY, what a cutie patootie she must’ve been. Her expressed desire to be helpful is also very telling of an active child who felt useless bc she couldn’t get around as well, and I’m sure Father Sunbright capitalized on that desire to be useful to turn her into the self-sacrificing paladin she is (I’m sure to make her self-sacrificing and indebted to him personally, not just Lathander, but I’m bitter about him and hope either he doesn’t get raised or if Telastin tries, he just doesn’t come back…sidenote, I wonder if Chris is worried about too many plot threads out there waving in the wind that he has to braid back together, I’m sure he can do it, but this season is so complex compared to others)

- MORE ABOUT PAULTIN’S CHILDHOOD PLS. NATE. NATE PLS. I know that alcohol-induced amnesia is a huge part of Paultin’s character as an in-game expression of Nate not having much of a backstory for him, but come on, it’s been years XD He probably wouldn’t spill about it just yet, anyway, Diath hasn’t. I’m just grumpy and impatient.

- Aww yeee plot pie

- I feel like Paultin and Sandra having a rental is an important detail in this particular case; it feels like a setup, if this crime family was making a habit out of going into noble houses and Paultin and Sandra’s house was close to one. Maybe Sandra was mixed up in something she shouldn’t have been and Paultin didn’t know about it bc he’d been busy with work before she died, but the face-mangling in particular is suspicious to me. The whole death scenario in general is just brutal, suggesting extreme emotion or senseless bestial mauling (leaning towards the second), but making the face unrecognizable…there’s usually a reason why that happens, and that reason is usually either trying to cover their tracks or body-planting. So what I’m saying is, I’m reserving a shred of suspicion that Sandra might not be dead (actually evil, off doing other things, not sure what the motive would be, we just don’t know enough about her for me to make a clear judgement, but I’ve got my eye on you, Chris). I do not want that to happen at all in the least, for many reasons, but still…hmm.

- Diath’s reticence makes so much more sense now but I’m still a little heartbroken that he doesn’t feel comfortable enough with Strix, at least, to divulge a bit of his childhood to her. Yes I am upset as a viewer that there’s still so much we don’t know (upset AND excited), but after everything the Waffle Crew has been through together, it’s still baffling to me that they have mistrust and uncertainty. But them’s people, I guess, they all have their trauma that they’re carrying around.

- “Please don’t call me Hokage” OMGF JARED

- For real, though, after the clusterbumble Plurio tried to pull with saying Paultin owed him, seeing the real legit 100% authentic Diath express yet more of his devotion to his friend by tracking down people who hurt him deeply in the past has me absolutely sobbing, these stupid boys care about each other so much. Also vengeance!Paultin is kinda terrifying to watch but it’s been a while, it will be interesting to see where his rage takes him this time.

- (Esepcially given the talk he gave Alisanda about rage and revenge and how that hatred never goes away and changes a person for the worse, hoo boy, I hope for their sake that Relissa and Kagan really didn’t kill Sandra)

- EVELYN NO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU CHILDREN. My inner daycare teacher is screaming.

- Nat’s devotion to Diath is a+++++ and I think she in particular is very good for Diath’s development as a person and a leader. Also Anna and Jared using sign language onstage was great, I don’t know if all if it was legit since I don’t know much, but it was still cool to watch.

- Diath needs to go bond with Simon next…especially once next episode finally sinks into him :P (I am pretty sure they let slip to Diath what happened with Simon and the kid during the therapy episode, but the players forgetting details is okay, they’re all human beings with busy lives and insane schedules)

- Paultin acknowledging Evelyn as Simon’s mom is the BEST, I’m just waiting for Simon to call them Mom and Dad out loud now :P

- THROW THAT SHADE, PAULTIN, YOUR SON HAS LEARNED FROM THE BEST. YES DIATH, LET’S DISCUSS HIDING THINGS.

- AGREED, VLAHNYA, THEY SHOULD ABSOLUTELY TALK MORE.

- Squiddly’s mode of breaking the fourth wall without actually breaking the fourth wall is amazing, I’m not sure what to call his in-universe fluidity with the rules of reality but it’s delightful, I’m so upset it is a little weird for Nate to hold entire conversations with himself in a dnd setting

- They need to learn to take care of the kids…and themselves…AND EACH OTHER…I think I feel a whump fic coming on

- All of these poor broken adults need a mental health day where they just do things for themselves, where’s that special episode, Chris Perkins

- little lesson about love~ (once again getting SO CLOSE to someone explaining to Strix about feelings and giving her context for romantic emotions, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP CHICKENING OUT ON HER, SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS BEFORE I DIE)

- Paultin’s face-touch to Diath is a masterful little touch of comedy, combining Paultin’s two favorite pastimes: 1. Messing with Diath, and 2. Bringing back random plot elements and using them to greatest effect. I am 99% sure that part of Paultin’s motivation for doing that was planting the idea in Diath to touch someone ELSE’S face :P Or at least, the part of me that knows Paultin ships his friends as much as we do wants to believe that. Jared’s face through the whole thing was killing me.

- Parenting, you guys. PARENTING. BEING RESPONSIBLE ADULTS. Oh gosh they’re going to have to leave Waterdeep at some point (bc I have a suspicion that Dungeon of the Mad Mage is going to be, if not THE last, then one of the last arcs DCA has, IDK how much longer fifth edition is gonna last and how many adventures they can turn out for it?? How often do they update DnD???), which means leaving the kids, which means there’s going to be a goodbye episode and I’m NOT READY.

- Elements of this are bleeding pretty flawlessly into the next episode, whether Chris actually watched the fireside as of streaming 121 or not, so once that post goes up, I’ll be glad to explore more about Simon and why I’m screaming in terror and delight.

[mysticmikalla]

If it's not too much of a problem, could I request a small fic for Saeran? For example him leaving the Mc without saying anything because he still feels insecure about himself and coming back a few years later to make things up only to find out he has a child? I'm sorry for this roller coaster I just want some angst...

You want angst? You got angst!

Ps, this “small” fic ended up getting quite long bc I got a bit carried away lolol

Pss, shoutout to my girl dahlia for helping me overcome my writer’s block and giving me tons of inspo♥️

Psss; this is the first piece i publish that im nervous about so pls bare with me as i edit and rewrite this over and over lol

***

The mind of Saeran Choi was a hectic place.

Thousand of paradoxical thoughts and fears circled in his head, clashing and colliding into each other, taking form of his worst nightmares or most desired daydreams. It was a never-ending battle for dominance over the boy’s emotions between hope and despair. He’d take several pills for his intense headaches just so he could rest, and he took them much so that it became routine.

His world had always been dark and fuzzy, people taking form of shapes and noises instead of individuals, making it hard to care for someone, or allow them to care for him. He had shut himself in a world of darkness, despair always winning.

Ah, but then there was you. You were an amber in his ashen world, the moon peaking through clouds on a dense night. You came into his life so unexpectedly, and, in the shortest amount of time, because his most precious. You were his one and only treasure in life, the one who could make him feel normal. Who could make him feel human, rather than two opposite sides fighting for dominance.

You alone were able to silence most of the noise in his head. Most.

Despite popular belief and what you read in romance novels and fairy tales, love couldn’t cure all. It couldn’t magically make all of his life-long scars disappear, no matter how much he wished it.

Which is why he left, why he felt like he needed to leave with nothing but a light kiss on your forehead as you slept a note where he scribbled a quick ‘I’m sorry’.

With only a small bag of his belonging and a heart full of hurt, Saeran Choi disappeared from your life.

Your breath was knocked out of your body as the realization that he left, that he left you all alone and wouldn’t come back. Your body shook with broken sobs, your mind raced and hurt with unanswered questions, and your heart broke with what you thought was unrequited love

A tear-stained face became your norm for weeks, the cold space in bed beside you and the loneliness the absence of the love of your life becoming too much for you to bear.

After a few weeks, you started feeling sick in the morning and your cycle was unusually late, the ground of your stability started shaking, and when the little plus sign on the pregnancy test confirmed your fears, it sunk all together.

You couldn’t do this, you couldn’t do this alone. You could barely manage to pull yourself together after Saeran left, how were you supposed to take care of a child?

You begged his twin brother to locate him and bring him home, to at least find out if he was okay. You were a mess, thoughts running wild with worst case scenarios of Saeran being hurt, of you never being able to find him again.

Saeyoung was reluctant  at first, knowing that his brother must have had a good reason for leaving you, the one he loved the most, behind.

But after you told him about the baby, the red-headed hacker felt like he had no choice but to tell his brother about him. He could see the deep circles underneath your eyes and how your skin was paler than usual, and he felt as if owed it to you , in behalf of his brother, to help.

It was an old feud, hacker versus hacker, in which Saeran always won. He hid his traces and whereabouts so well, it was as if he never existed. In your insomniac nights filled with delirium, you wondered if he ever did exist in the first place.

Weeks became months, and months became years without him by your side. You desperately tried to recall what his voice sounded like, what his touch felt like against your skin. The galloping of your heart whenever you kissed him was now nothing but a distant memory, a foreign feeling. The only reason you still remembered his face was because of his twin brother who was there to keep you grounded.

Thoughts of him, which before occupied your mind every second of the day, became more scarce as the years went by, until they were a rarity. Your daily life went on, and you couldn’t waste time wondering about your former lover, not when taking care of your child came first.

With Saeyoung and the rest of the RFA supporting you, for the first time in a while you felt as if you weren’t alone.

***

Saeran’s heart pounded against his chest, so aggressively he though he’d might pass out before he reached for the doorknob of your previously shared home. How long had it been? He couldn’t recall at the moment. If felt like only seconds since he had last been here, but the agonizing longing in his chest made it seem like a millennia all at once.

He debated on whether to just open the door and walk right in like nothing had happened, or to ring the door bell and wait outside like a stranger would.

He settled for the latter, hearing the all too familiar bell echo throughout the house. When he heard footsteps coming closer, he felt as if he would collapse. He had dreamed about this moment for the past three years, and now that it finally arrived, he wondered whether or not he could handle to mixture of excitement and nervousness in his chest.

“Coming!” Nothing had ever sounded so melodic as that one word he heard your voice say through the closed door. The longing on his chest was suddenly so unbearable, he had to hold on to the door frame for support.

The door swung open, and his heart stopped.

There you stood. You were already in your pajamas, getting ready for the night. He noted your hair was different, and you looked thinner than you had before. He wanted to embrace you as soon as he saw you before him, but he restrained himself.

How would you react, he worried.

With widened eyes, you took the sight of Saeran in. You could almost mistake him for his brothe now, as his hair, which previously had been bleached white, was now bright red. It was also the first time you saw him without his blue contacts, his amber eyes bright and burning.

“Sa-Saeran?” You sputtered in disbelief. It was you who needed support now, feeling your body grow weak.

“MC,” He breathed, your name rolling off his tongue as if he had been waiting all this time to finally utter it, “I-I’m back.”

Your mind raced to find the right words, to decipher what you were feeling right now at this shocking sight before you, but all you could do was gap at him. The person you loved, dreamed about and ached for all these years stood right in front of you. The man who broke your heart and left you all alone with no explanation was back, and you didn’t know what to feel about it. Rather, you couldn’t just pick one emotion, seeing that you were feeling them all at once.

He couldn’t find the right words, either. He didn’t know how to express how much he missed you, how sorry he was for leaving you alone, how beautiful you looked and how many times he had dreamed of this.

“MC, I think we ran out of diapers, I think I will-” Saeyoung’s voice was cut off at the sight of his brother standing in the doorway. The three of you were frozen in place.

As he took in the sight of the red-headed baby girl in Saeyoung’s arm, Saeran’s jaw dropped and his head spun. He glanced at you, then back at his twin with the girl, and then back at you, incredulous.

Out of all the scenarios he had played out in his head, this was definitely not one of them.

“MC…Is this…” He opened and closed his mouth over and over, unsure of what to say, “You and him…?!”

“Saeran, it’s not-” Saeyoung began, but the boy already fumed, fists clenching beside him.

“You don’t have the right to be angry right now, Saeran.” You finally spoke. They were tranquil and soft, but Saeran felt an intimidating resemblance with a calm before the storm.

He ran a hand messily through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh, telling himself to calm down. But the hurt in his chest wouldn’t allow it. He was already more agitated than he would have like to be on the first time you two met again.

You and Saeyoung? Together? Thoughts of you and him tortured his mind, being close, being intimate, falling in love…

He wanted nothing more than to stick a needle in his ear and poke them all out with his brain. It hadn’t been that long since he left, and all that time you were the only thing in his mind. How could you have moved on so fast? With his twin, of all people?

“Hey, Saeyoung, can you give us a second?” You pleaded to the red-haired man behind you gently. You could tell Saeran was angry and unsettled at his presence.

“Are you sure?” He asked, eyeing you, your daughter and then his twin nervously. What Saeran couldn’t wrap his mind around was why his own brother was trying to protect you, the love of his life, his MC, instead of him. He should be the one protecting you, not him, never him.

He would never hurt you; not before, and especially not now. Not now that he’s come so far and worked so hard to get better. For you. It was all for you.

“I’m sure.” You smiled up at his eyes behind glasses, touching his arm lightly and reassuringly. The small action made Saeran want to throw up. How did it get like this?

Saeyoung left with the baby, and you and Saeran were alone again. You motioned for him to come it, still dazed by his sudden presence. You still didn’t know what to say, no combination of letters and words sufficing to express how you felt.

“MC…” He began, trying to remember what he had rehearsed in his head a thousand times over. He wanted to explain everything, to let you know how sorry he was for leaving and that he missed you. But deep down he knew there was no way to make up for it.

You shook your head, “Why did you come back?”

He knew you were angry. Your furrowed brows, arms crossed and your lips tugging downwards was more than enough to tell him so, but the words still felt like salt in his already wounded heart. He expected you to be at least a bit happy in seeing him after so long, but you only seemed troubled and hurt. Despite the situation and his worried expression, his heart was almost bursting with happiness at seeing you again. It was the happiest moment of the last three years for him, and he was hoping you’d feel the same, at least a little.

“MC, please let me explain-”

“Explain how you left me?”

“I swear I didn’t mean-”

“How you disappeared for three years without a word? How you left me here all alone, with just a fucking note?!” You raised your voice, heat flushing your cheeks as your anger took over. All those sleepless nights came rushing back, your broken sobs echoing in the back of your mind.

“I had to, MC…” He stood across from you, desperately wanting to close the gap between you and have you in his arms again, “I had to leave. For your sake.”

“I don’t understand,” You shuffled backwards, “I don’t understand! How could that have possibly been for my sake?!”

You were angry. You were furious.

Out of all the times you dreamed of meeting him again and confronting him, never did you imagine he would say he did it for you. You almost rolled your eyes, how cliché.

“That’s why I’m trying to explain it to you!” He was getting frustrated at your own frustration, his voice rising up to match yours, “MC, I wasn’t…I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t half the man I knew I could be. You deserved someone who could have given you everything, and I-”

“But you did give me everything! I was happy with you!” You exclaimed, “I loved you, Saeran, why couldn’t you just see that?!”

“But you deserved-”

“It’s up to me to know what I do and don’t deserve,” You objected, “And I know that what I didn’t deserve was being left alone like that. Nobody deserved that.”

“I know, MC…I fucked up. I know now that what I did was wrong,” He steadied himself, lowering his voice again and regaining the composure he tried so hard to achieve, “That’s just proof of how immature and unworthy I was… It’s why I had to leave, I couldn’t drag you down with me. Everyone was right, I couldn’t make you stay by my side and take care of me. It’s not what you wanted, and I was holding you back-”

“But that’s what I meant when I said I loved you! It meant that I’d stay by you through anything and everything. It meant that I would never leave. But you left, and I thought-” You choked on the words, built up pain from these last few years resurfacing, “I thought that when you left, it meant you didn’t love me enough. Not even enough to say goodbye.”

That old, familiar aching in your chest sparked up again, and soon your tears salted your tongue.

“That’s what you thought?” His eyes softened, his chest squeezing at the sight of you so sad

“What else was I supposed to think?”

“MC, I never stopped loving you.” He took a step towards you, attempting to grab the hands he missed so much, but being met with rejection as you backed away.

“You’re lying. If you loved me, walking away shouldn’t have been so easy-”

“Leaving you that day was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Please believe me, MC!” He cried, his eyes desperately searching for yours.

You bit your lip to keep from sobbing, the ache in your chest upsurging with each word he spoke to you.

“You won’t believe me, right?” His body deflated, “I can’t make you understand, not after everything I put you through…But just please answer me this…How long did it take…For you and Saeyoung to get together after I left?”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, “Huh?”

“How long it it take for you to to move o-on?” His voice broke, and now his own tears stained his cheeks.

“Saeran, I don’t-”

“That girl looks to be around three. How many months did you wait before you replaced me with him?” You expected his tone to be angry when he asked you these things, but they were sad, hurt and empty. Broken. Saeran looked tired and defeated, and for the first time since you saw him again, your facade started to break.

God, it still hurt. The whole in your chest was still there. You were a fool for ever believing anything could ever fill it.

“Sae, please listen to me,” You muttered softly, taking a few steps in his direction, his gazed fixed on the ground in refusal to meet yours, “It took exactly nine months for her to be born after you left. She isn’t Saeyoung’s.”

When he finally met your eyes, they were filled with confusion and…hope?

“W-what?”

You let out a small laugh in between your tears, “She’s yours, Saeran. She’s ours.”

His brain buffered, not quite comprehending the words you had just spoken. He stuttered, trying to formulate words but none would come to mind. He…had a daughter.. With you. The gorgeous red-haired girl he had seen previously is half his, and half the woman he loves. No matter how hard he tried, his brain couldn’t process it.

A child? A daughter? He had a daughter…?

You stepped a bit closer to him, lightly caressing his arms. Your touch brought him back from his momentary daze, and he wished you’d never let go. He could never find the right words to tell you how much he missed your skin on his, “There has never been anybody else, Sae. Just you. It was always you.”

While your words meant Heaven and Earth to one brother, the other listened quietly behind closed doors, his heart stuck on his throat. He was happy, truly, that his twin had come back. He knew how much he meant to you, how you missed him everyday during his absence, even when you refused to admit so.

He knew that empty, far away look in your eye would finally disappear now that he was back, but Saeyoung was hurting with each syllable you uttered.

Despite the girl who slept in his arms not being his, and the woman far from his reach never truly seeing him, he felt happy. He found a family through you, helping you raise your baby and being there when his own brother failed to do so. He was helpless as he felt you two slipping away from him and into the arms of his brother. He felt sad and nostalgic at the thought of not being the one you relied on anymore. He even felt a little bit enraged at how easily Saeran had waltzed in your life again.

Saeyoung knew he shouldn’t be having these thoughts. They were wrong, selfish. The two most important people to him were finally happy, so why wasn’t he?

“MC…I’m sorry, I had no idea…!” Saeran finally spoke, the thought of you, all alone while pregnant with his child haunting his mind. Did you cry often? How many times had you cursed him, wishing none of this had ever happened, probably wishing you had never met him?

How could you possibly still love him after that?

“If I had known you were carrying a child, my child…I would have never…Oh God…” His knees grew weak, and he had to slump back on a chair to keep from sinking to the ground. His heart started racing and hands were shaking. He took a shallow breath at a time, his face buried in his hands.

Not again, he thought, not now.

He couldn’t lose control in front of you now. He wanted to show the person in front of him that he had changed, that we was becoming a better man for you. That all of this had been for something. But right now he felt as if he were back to square one, the fucked up little boy who couldn’t even control his emotions.

You rushed to his side, patting his back gently, comfortingly, “Shh, hey. Sae, look at me, please.”

He shook his head, refusing to meet your eyes, “I understand now. I understand why you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” You cooed, moving your hands up from his back to his hair, stroking it in the way you used to whenever he was upset all those years ago. You had tried convincing yourself that you did, you hated him. You insisted on the thought that he no longer had a place in your heart and you would be fine without him. While these thoughts were comforting to you back then, they were false. “I could never hate you, Sae. And you couldn’t have known.”

“But you were alone. I was so selfish, I’m sorry. You must have been so angry-”

“I was angry, yes,” You sighed, “I was pissed, and I was hurt. You weren’t here when I needed you to be, and it hurt because I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”

“MC-”

“But you’re here now,” You went on. The anger that previously clouded your judgement dissipating as soon as you felt his touch again. There still obvious lingering feelings of hurt within you, and they wouldn’t disappear so soon. But they didn’t seem important now.

The man weeping in your arms, the father of your child being back in your life was most important at that moment. Him and Saeyoung being right there with you, as your family, was what you craved the most, and you couldn’t let go of that because of past hurts. There would still be plenty of time to fix what was once broken, to heal what was wounded, but right now you two needed each other. You needed him so desperately it was almost physical, as if your bodies and souls were calling out to each other.

“C-can I see her?” He asked, wiping away at his tears and finally glancing at you.

You smiled reassuringly at him, trying to contain your own tears, “Of course. She’s yours, too.”

Yours. He would never get used to hearing that word.

The redhead finally took the courage to pull you close and wrap you in his arms, the familiarity of the smell of your hair, of the way you clung to his shirt as you hugged him was so overwhelming that a string of tears dropped on your shoulder.

Finally.

“MC…” He breathed through his sobs, “Thank you. I love you, I never stopped. I know I can’t ever make it up to you, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying. So please, if you’ll have me, I’d like to come home. Please,” He cried harder and hugged you tighter, “I want to come home.”

It was hard to talk when your heart was at your throat and your chest bared to him, but you managed to choke out a whisper anyway, “Welcome home, Saeran.”

[euphoriacafe]

BTS Reaction : They have to break up with you because of the company

Anonymous said: “ Hi! pls, can you do a BTS reaction to having to break up with their idol g.f because of her entertainment rules (she can't date)? “

Enjoy >_> Sorry for short reactions. 

Kim Namjoon: 

He was speechless they really wanted him to break up with you due to the fact you were normal. By normal, you aren’t famous or known for anything (makeup artist/ hair stylist/ YouTuber/ etc...) you were just a human with a normal job. You aren’t into the fancy lifestyle that idols would dream of. That’s what he loved about you... that you were different than every girl he had met. Hearing that the company wanted him to break up with you brought so many emotions. Laughter, Anger, and sadness. Laughter because he wants to believe that it’s a joke and won’t really take it seriously. Anger- because they really think they could control his love life just like that. Sadness, the one feeling that he didn’t have anymore, til now. He would never leave you, he loves you too much to even argue with you. Namjoon would stand up and in a broken yet very raspy dark tone he would point a finger saying “ I won’t leave her for anyone, I rather am happy than letting people control my life. If I have to choose I will keep (Y/N) because I love her and she loves me.” 

Jeon Jungguk:

He wouldn’t know how to feel about this at all, this was the first time he could feel fully happy with someone and know they would stick with him together and not break up. This was all a big shock for him he wouldn’t look at them but he would stay in his seat keeping his eyes glued to his shoes. Instead of raising his voice towards the people who wanted him to break up with you, he would wait for them to stop talking and quietly speak “I’m not leaving her. That’s final.” once he heard them try to protest against his decision he would quickly get up and walk away. Tears wanted to spill from his eyes he would turn to all of his best friends. Listening to their advice to fight in what his heart desires and to not let anyone take his happiness away from him, he decided to go somewhere private and try to text you. If you didn’t reply he would wait until he got to the hotel room and phone you. Timezones are always a bust. Once you finally picked up he wouldn’t say a word until two minutes later listening to your voice, once you would ask about his day he wouldn’t mention what the company wants him to do. He wouldn’t do it any way he would never leave you.

Jung Hoseok:

This bright sunshine would shut down and give a very serious expression towards everyone in the room. He would zone out the entire time on why he had to break up with you. Not evening letting them finish he would stand up and walk out of the room while he heard the other boys yelling after him. He would leave the building to his hotel room knowing you would be there since he offered you to tour with him in the US. He would find you asleep since they had a concert tonight. Once he closed the door he would give a small smile walking over to you taking off his shoes he would lay in bed next to you cuddling you from behind and rub your palm. “Hoseok, what are you doing here early shouldn’t-” he would cut you off with a simple hum. Hinting you that he wasn’t in the mood to argue about him not rehearsing for the concert. “Okay, but at least make sure you wake up before the actual concert starts tonight got it?” You groan sleepily. He hums again and pulls you closer. He would never leave you and you know you will never leave him. 

Park Jimin: Jimin would be the one to not say anything and just listen silently until everyone left the room. He would stay inside of the dance room alone and silently break down crying from anger and sadness. He would text you asking you to come to the practice room. You would find him leaning his back while sitting against the mirror with his hands on his face looking like he was sleeping. He would hear the door closing and see you now rushing to his side he would pull you onto his lap and repeat his words over and over again. “I will never leave you (Y/N).” and “I love you’s.” that’s how you know what is wrong. Once you ask him about it Jimin would break down more and tell you what happened. He would hold you close and say “I would never leave you I love you too much to let you go, they can’t force me to stay away from you.” hearing those words come from him would make your heart sink and hold him close as well humming and whispering I love you’s to him as well. Combing through his hair. 

Kim SeokJin:

He wouldn’t take this bullshit from them, honestly, he would listen to their part but wouldn’t listen like at all. All he would simply say is “I’m a mature adult I can make my own decisions.” He would stand up and stare at everyone judging the, up and down. “It’s already bad enough I’m told what to wear, what I can and can’t do. What I should do. I can handle my love life pretty well, unlike any of you who could barely hold a marriage. Don’t tell me how to go about my love life and worry about yours.” If anyone tried to put in he would say “Don’t interrupt me.” He would leave and see you waiting in the hall smiling and saying. “Ready to go eat love?” He would nod and forget what just happened at all. He would probably die without you so don’t leave this sweet angel that deserves the world and so much love. He would keep you close and ignore any texts or calls from everyone and focus just all on you. Leaving you would be the saddest things on earth and he didn’t want to be sad he wanted to be happy. Being with you is what makes him very happy. 

Min Yoongi: 

He would look even colder and his voice would show his anger very well. “I’m not going to lose my girlfriend just because some antis think they could leak pictures of me and Jessi talking to each other from two years ago. You have to be really stupid to think I would leave (Y/N)- fuck off.” He would stand up hearing everyone yell for him to come back he wouldn’t turn around. He rather lose his job than ever see you sad or ever let you be alone. Yoongi would go to his car and take a few drives around the city until he stopped at your job. He got out of the car and walked to your office you were working in and smiling. “Hey Beautiful.” along with an “I brought you food thinking you aren’t eating that much right now, hows your day so far?” Everyone knew you are dating Yoongi from the geckos. No one told him to leave, more like to stay and be happy. Yoongi would stay and try to help you with paper work and gaze at you for a little bit trying to make sure he remembers every piece of you as he smiles. 

Kim Taehyung:

Taehyung would be like Jimin in a way breaking down and zoning out not really wanting to respond to his bosses just like that. He would wait until they leave the turn to his Hyung’s for advice on what he should do about this. He would avoid trying sneak around the problem the company was causing for him. After a four hour talk about this, he would text you a love letter and say I love you over a million of times. He would wait for you to respond and once you do he would be excited and feel calmer again. He would smile once you phone him quickly and he would be like he was on your first date. He would feel calm and like himself rather than the person everyone knew him by, V. He would make sure that he would set up a small date for you both to spend more time and try to get ARMY’s to accept that you both are dating and that he is happy. 

[anakins-27th-lightsaber]

Hey! Can I have some jegulus here, a long one but like anything about itttt. Sad, angst, it's up to you I just need more jegulus in my life pls pls pls and thanksss you're incredible!!❤️💚

Thank you, dear anon, you're amazing! So it's taken me a while to come up with something nice, and long, now there's something I can't really categorise, perhaps something like angst? Where their relationship is dysfunctional because Regulus is so messed up from home, and where he learns the behaviours he picked up there aren't helpful if you're trying to have a relationship. I was inspired by the song "Baby, can I hold you tonight" by Tracy Chapman, so I decided to add the lyrics to it. Hope you like it!"I love you, Regulus.""It's actually astonishing how your single brain cell is able to memorise such a long name, James", Regulus said irritably, without the smallest hint of sarcasm or remorse in his voice. Something was off about him, again. It was one of these days, and both boys knew just how much worse it could get."Pardon?!", James narrowed his eyes defiantly.Sorry"Ugh, never mind. Now come to bed."It's all that you can't say"Stop treating me this way, Regulus. You can't do this to someone you claim to be in love with.""Of course I can. Plus, I never did claim that. I like shagging you till you scream my name and beg for mercy. That's it."Years gone by, and stillThe Gryffindor swallowed thickly. "Why am I still with you?", he whispered, shaking his head incredulously."Because I'm in lo- I mean, because I'm all you have", the Slytherin scoffed.Words don't come easily"And you think I can't do better than you?""Of course you can't. You should be glad I'm putting up with you." He haughtily lifted his pointy chin, trying hard to look as self-assured as he possibly could; he was a good actor.Like sorry, like sorry"Alright, this is it, Black. We're through. Once again."Regulus panicked slightly, trying not to make it too obvious and to still sound condescending enough. "No! I mean, you're being thick. You really can't find anyone better! No one who's going to stay, like me-""Watch me.""James, no -""Anything to say?" James demonstratively shouldered his blanket and walked towards the door, resting his hand on the doorknob.Forgive me"I - no. Nothing."It's all that you can't say"So goodbye. And don't think I'm ever coming back."Years gone by, and stillRegulus glared at him, threateningly stepping towards him and coming so close James had to press his back against the wall. The younger boy was fuming, and so desperate he was willing to try anything to keep James from leaving him, even if it meant absolute embarrassment. "I don't think so. I know you are. As soon as you found out I'm the only one who will endure your presence without going insane. You'll be coming crawling back to me, begging me to take you back. No one will be able to make you happy the way I can.""Happy? Ha. I thought all you did was break me."Words don't come easilyRegulus winced, and his voice was thick with something he wasn't supposed to feel, and a teardrop that wasn't supposed to be there rolled down his face. He told himself he was purposely trying to take the other way out as a last resort, forcefully denying the fact that he wasn't in control of his emotions any more. His voice sounded as brittle as it felt when he spoke. "Stay. Please stay, James."Like forgive me"Why?", James spat.Forgive me"Because I- Oh, you know exactly, don't make me say it.""Say it." The Gryffindor crossed his arms."Come on, is that really necessary?", Regulus all but whined."It is. I keep telling you I love you. What's your reason for staying with me? Surely not compassion? And if you only wanted someone to shag, surely you'd find someone else to stick their cock inside you. So what is it? I'm curious", he finished sharply.Regulus slowly shook his head, his throat blocked by a tight knot of something he hadn't felt for a very long time, something real. "I- I can't."But you can say, Baby"I'm leaving, then. Forever."Baby, can I hold you tonight?"No! No, don't. I lo-""You love me?"Maybe if I told you the right words"I need you.""Need me?" He frowned.At the right time"I can't sleep without you, James.""So that's all you need me for?"You'd be mine"No, I-"I love you"I think I should go now.""I-"It's all that you can't sayJames whirled around. "What, Black? What is it?", he half shouted."Don't call me that. It- it hurts."Years gone by, and still"As all the times you hurt me? Funny."Words don't come easily"But I didn't mean to-"Like I love you, I love you"But you did.""I never wanted to."But you can say, Baby"Funny that's coming to your mind now it's too late, huh?"Baby, can I hold you tonightAnd Regulus let it happen, for the first time. He let his mouth say what he really meant to pronounce. "I'm sorry."Maybe if I told you the right words"Bit late to realise that now, isn't it?"At the right time"But I mean it."You'd be mine"Sure, and Hallowe'en's on Christmas this year, right?"Baby, can I hold you tonight"Why not? If you believe me one last time if I say I'm trying to change." His voice was husky."Oh, you are? I didn't realise", James hissed.Maybe if I told you the right wordsThe younger boy was shaking now, desperately trying to keep his voice from sounding too high-pitched. "I am. But I'm messed up. And I wish I could just say what I really mean. It's just not easy to me. And I need you. Because you're the only person who can make my nightmares go away when you're near me as I sleep, and you're the only one who makes me feel - like more than just an empty shell."At the right time"Is that so?", the Gryffindor huffed."Forgive me for being a prick most of the time.""All of the time, you're trying to say."You'd be mineSuddenly something within him melted and what felt like a comforting hot liquid filled his empty, dead veins. And Regulus tried being a little bit bold, for once. "I love you.""You do?" James was taken by surprise, his heart dropping into his stomach."I do love you. Forgive me for being such a prick. Please. You're everything I can still love. And I've been in love with you all this time. And now I'm saying it."You'd be mine"Alright, Regulus." And James went back to the bed and let himself fall onto it.And it was as though Regulus was trying to make up for everything he hadn't been able to say for the past three years; he was eager now to repeat it as often as possible, so maybe James would believe him and love him back. "I love you! I- James-!"James sighed. "Let's go to sleep now. You're looking as tired as I'm feeling.""I love you.""Sleep.""But I can't if you're not-""I am, though. Stop crying now. It's alright."The Slytherin's heart was pounding as if it was about to burst through his rib cage. "Really, it is?""No. I'm done with you", James snapped. "You're a fucked up little git. But I'm not leaving. At least not yet.""But I thought you-""Just come to bed." James irritably tried to pull his boyfriend towards him at his sleeve.The latter almost stumbled as he was half trying to keep standing still, half trying to leap right into James's arms and snog him as if his life depended on it. "Alright, but James-""See, you just don't stop loving people all of a sudden. That's it. And what's a bit more pain."Regulus shook his head eagerly, his eyes fixed upon James. "So you love me? Because I love you. Did you hear that? I'm finally saying-""Love you, too, but please, shut it now. I'm very mad at you, and rightfully so. You keep treating me like scum.""Sorry. I don't think you're -""Let's just sleep, I'm exhausted", the older boy cut him off."I'll try my best not to hurt you again, okay?", Regulus said quickly as he toddled towards James, who was still holding on to the sleeve of his pajamas."Whatever. Now shut up", James snapped. He was too broken to put himself back together this time; it had been the infamous last straw, and Regulus becoming all sweet and perfect all of a sudden wasn't helping; imagine being forced to keep loving what's tearing you apart. Imagine being hopelessly lost in your worst enemy's eyes because you've loved them too much, for too long, and now it's too late, you didn't leave while you still could; now they've got your heart racing, even though it's still shattered into pieces, and the life they slowly drained from your body, they're slamming it back into you so forcefully you're exploding, and it's all hurting so much more because now, you're alive enough for every cell of your body to feel all of it at once, and all you can still do is wish you could be numb again."Okay", Regulus said, although nothing was okay. "And I'm sorry!""I - get - it!", James pressed through gritted teeth."Yeah.""And Regulus, I love you. I guess.""I know for sure I do."And despite all the anger and the heartbreak and the voice inside his head screaming at him he deserved better, James cracked a smile for the boy, he couldn't help it. "When did you get so sappy?""I've always been - I thought you wouldn't like it", Regulus mumbled, blushing deeply."I would've certainly liked it better than being insulted and degraded constantly.""Do you like it best?", Regulus whispered barely audibly, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and looking down at the floor in embarrassment."Do you?", James demanded sharply."It's hard. But makes my heart jump and my veins flutter. As if I'm alive now."James snorted. "Mine, too."The Slytherin hesitated. "I don't know who I am anymore, but this is the me I like best of all 'me's there ever were.""You're saying you don't know who you are?" James frowned."She took it away." Regulus pressed his lips together."I'm sorry. Just be free.""Free?""Become your own self and do whatever feels best.""Alright."Regulus kissed James on the lips. Softly and not harshly for the very first time since they'd started snogging just for the laughs, and finally it was actually serious. It was being in love and sharing something only they could share."I'm sorry you thought you had to hide around me", James breathed, almost stunned by the touch."Not your fault.""Whatever. Let's sleep now. I'll keep you close.""Until forever?" Regulus crawled under James's blanket that smelled just right and wrapped it around his way too skinny body."Until you mess up again", James corrected, hugging the whole bundle that was Regulus and the blanket."Is that a promise?""Yeah, I guess.""So it's forever."The Gryffindor snorted. "We'll see. Depends on you."Watch me, Regulus thought to himself, then fell asleep in his lover's arms, as always.You'd be mine

[bsd-hq-writer]

part 3 pls

Okay, so I feel like I should explain why this request got so long. I figured it would be unrealistic as hell if it were to play out like this: girl hurts todoroki, he recovers, and they just simply get together again in the end after a big love confession or something. I know all people are different but if I was in the girl’s place, I’d never get close to my special someone being so unstable with my quirk, especially if I had already hurt them before. And i’ve been getting more ideas the more I write. Having said that, i’ll understand if you guys don’t want a part four and so on.

Reader’s POV

After Aizawa-sensei’s visited, you figured going back to school was still a no-no. Instead, you spent the rest of that week researching about heroes and the difficulties they went through because of their quirks. Turns out, it happened very often. Many heroes hadn’t known how to control their own quirks when they were your age. That managed to give you a little spark of hope.

Your teacher return to get you exactly a week later from his first/last visit. This time, you were the one to open the door.

“Come on.” He called you outside from the street. He stood close to a black car, arms crossed.

You shook your head, confused. “My mom-”

“She knows where we’re going.” Aizawa replied, opening the backseat door of the car. “Get in.”

If he were a stranger who you had never met before, the whole thing would’ve been alarmingly sketchy. The thought invaded your mind as you closed the house door behind you and sat in the car.

Aizawa sat on the passenger’s seat. You crocked your head to the side watching him. “Who’s driving?”

“Hello, Y/N!” All Might, also your teacher, greeted you while looked a few inches to Aizawa’s left. “How do you do?”

“All Might-sensei!” You almost jumped back. “Hi. I’m…”

Silence hung in the air for a while as you tried to figure out how you were actually doing. “No time for chit chat.” Aizawa spoke. “Just drive.”

“Okie.” The bulky man stepped on the accelerator and off you went.

Todoroki’s POV

Todoroki was finally discharged. He still had to wear bandages around his ribs but he didn’t need to lie on the nursery bed anymore. Which was more than good, the uneasiness of not doing anything all day for weeks had started driving the boy crazy.

It was evening when he left, the sun nearly setting as he decided to make his way from the UA right to Y/N’s house. Maybe he should’ve gone home first. See his mom, his sister and tell them he was okay. All he did was send a message because as much as he thought they would be mad at him for pulling that on them, he needed to see Y/N.

Standing in the front door, he knocked before inhaling and exhaling deeply. Y/N’s opened it, surprised to see him there.

“Todoroki-kun!” She cried out. “I’m glad to know you’re alright.”

“Thank you, Y/M/N-san.” He replied politely. “Is Y/N home?”

“She just left a couple of minutes ago.” She stared at him, apologetically.

“Can you tell me where she went?” Todoroki asked, eager to find Y/N.

Her mother opened and closed her mouth multiple times before speaking. Todoroki already knew what that meant. “She doesn’t want me to know, does she?”

“I’m sorry, Todoroki-kun.” Her mother frowned. “Y/N has only started to deal with the consequences of her quirk now and she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have you around right now. And neither do I. She just wants you to be safe.”

“I understand that.” He did. As Todoroki thought about the day of the accident, he remembered how nervous Y/N had been. He had pushed her just a tiny bit too far and it was enough to ser her off.

Y/N was dangerous, whether she wanted to be or not. That didn’t mean Todokori would give up on her.

“She’ll be okay.” Todoroki remarked. “Won’t she?”

Y/N’s mother looked him dead in the eyes, with all the exhaustion and worry of motherhood present there. She sighed before responding. “She has people looking after her. And when she’s determined to do something, she goes through with it until the very end.”

Mrs. Y/M/N didn’t say that Y/N would be okay. That wasn’t what she said. But she didn’t say she wouldn’t be either. Todoroki took that to mean it could go either way, and that he couldn’t okay a part on which way it would go.

Todoroki nodded at Y/N’s mother, his eyes pleading to cry while he fought the urge to. “Thank you.”

Reader’s POV

“Do you know your quirk’s radius?” Aizawa asked, placing you on the center of the stadium.

He had taken you to the Sport’s Festival arena. You hadn’t really expected that.

“My quirk’s radius?” You questioned. You had never even thought about it.

“The radius is how far your quirk reaches, speaking in 360° degrees.” Aizawa misinterpreted your question as you not knowing what a radius was.

“Yes, I know what it is.” You replied, rather snappingly. “I just never tested it.”

“We can test it now then.” All Might gave his usual smile. “I figured you wouldn’t know the extent of your quirk.”

You blushed, embarrassed and looked at your feet. “Guess you live and learn…”

“Midoriya-shounen should be here soon.” You jerked your head up at the mention of your friend’s name.

“Wha…” You mumbled. “Why is he coming?”

“He’s bringing sticks.” Aizawa spoke as if that was enough of an explanation.

“Sticks?” You questioned, glaring at him.

“Sticks.” All Might replied before Aizawa could.

“What are we going to do with sticks?” The questioned nagged you. “What use can we possibly have for-”

Midoriya entered the arena right before you finished your sentence. The boy had, indeed, brought sticks.

“Midoriya my boy!” All Might patted him in the shoulder. “Thank you, can you arrange these, a centimeter away from each other?”

“On it!” Your friend started from you and started going further away as he stabbed the grass with the sticks.

Suddenly you knew what they were for. “This is what you meant when you said we were going to test my radius?” You looked at All Might.

“Exactly.” He answered. “We know you can’t control your quirk yet, but you we need to figure this out.”

“Like I said before, your quirk seems to be linked directly to your emotions.” Aizawa entered the conversation. “You can’t activate it on your own, especially if you’re not feeling an extremely negative emotion. You’ve come to associate your quirk with all the bad emotions, so you’re going to need to feel one to release a shock wave. Since a stick measures a centimeter, after you activate your quirk, all we have to do is count the number of broken sticks.”

“And that’ll be my radius.” It was a rather clever idea. You looked at Midoriya, who had finished his job. “You came up with this?”

The green haired boy smiled at you, visibly proud of himself. “Yup.”

You wanted to thank him for being supportive but words never left your lips. He managed to acknowledge the gratitude in your eyes, as his smile grew more pitiful. “So I have to make myself feel sad.” You affirmed. “Or nervous, uncomfortable, uneasy. That should be a piece of cake then.”

“Remember your quirk has different levels, as any quirk has. So the wave you release first, might not have the biggest radius you can create.” All Might reminded you.

“Alright.” You looked at all three people standing before you. Two teachers and your best friend. All of them were there to help you, even if they didn’t need to. “I’m ready.”

~Admin Laura

[kissme-hs]

It’s you I have loved

Hi there!! So i was watching Shrek the other day and i always have been a huge fan of this song. So yeah, drama comes up. P.S. I’m bored all day, you can talk to me anytime. Love yeh! Sorry if it is a bit short.

I promised not to cry.

I suggest you listen to this while reading :) 

Song

Emotionally injured and bruised.

Not even a medicine had the capability to fix your broken self.

It all ended before you know it. 

Things weren’t normal between you and Harry as they should be. Nights and nights were spent either shouting, yelling, breaking things or crying. At some piont of the day you knew, you knew that all this would have to end soon but this quickly? Never.

The part of your body, once which was cherish and loved by him was broken already. Only if god knew if it could be mended again or not. You heart beated for him with every breath you took, it stayed true. Only loved Harry, but his. His never did. His heart took all the devotion back when he saw her.

There was a time when you both made a promise to each other. A promise of faith and purity and innocense. A promise of true love, to be with each other no matter what stands in between, to hold the hand and break through the dark times.

But oh boy! Promises are meant to broken. Aren’t they?

After being together from five years, you never thought it would end like this. Even though you were damaged and vulnerable, even though the confidence once what was your proud dissolved in the tears, you fought. Fought for him. You tried holding on even if it tore you in half. You kept holding on. Untill you decided to let go.

You needed yourself back. And this wasn’t helping

Harry on the other edge was weak as well but was doing good. He knew which track the relationship took and to prevent the heartbreak at the end, he took precaution, Diana was his precaution.

He met her a few days back at Nick’s house party. Harry was fully outragged that time. One more fight is what it what. But Diana’s soothing voice and kind gestures made him realise what he’s been missing. It made him realise how badly he needed love which he couldn’t get from you. Her soft hands in his hair drugged him and soon their bodies were rocking to the rythm. Their soft lips were pressed against others as they kept on fucking making love.

The other day when Harry woke from the slumber of sleep and exhaustion and his eyes fell on the naked beauty beside him, he felt disgused. He wanted to cry. Cry at himself not because he just spent a night with another woman, but because it felt so right. He was feeling alive again. He felt like diana saved him from drowing which you shamely couldn’t do. 

Since then he started seeing her. Time to time he felt her. He needed someone to love and Diana completely fitted in. She was gentle and kind. She knew when to craddle him like a baby and when to please him like a man. Harry believed that she’d understand him onve like you used to do. Once.

But little did he knew, you were still there for him. He was just too blind too see it.

And the day came. He texted you saying he wanted to meet you. Yes you both agreed that once again you both will try to live alone. You moved back to your old appartment while Harry stayed in his, filled with memory of your love. The house was once your home where you both spend nights loving each other and fighting-crying as well. A home is where you feel safe and loved and that place no longer made you feel safe, it reminded you of all the hurtful words and memories. So it was best to leave what is hurting you but you couln’t leave Harry. Could you?

You replied with a okay. Though you wanted to scream no! You weren’t ready for this. You still wanted him.

All the memories came back haunting you like a flashback as you stepped inside your home his house. The tears and cries. The voice and rage. The love and happiness. 

You closed your eyes trying to overcome the pain which once again came back rushing through your mind and soul. The house smelled the same. Everything was same expect the person living there. Harry wasn’t the same. He changed or maybe its you who changed. You let the past decide it.

“Home once again yeah?” You heard and it stung. His voice was so his.

“Yeah” you said faking a smile walking to Harry and let him engulf you in his arms. Nothing wasn’t helping. His arms felt so comfortable and you heard could hear his heart beating. A petite small was about to come on your face when the flshback of few days came on your close eyelids. 

That night Harry thought that you never came for him. To confront him. But you did. After few minutes when you  calmed your nerves down, you rushed after him. Tears were the clear evidence how much it affected you. You stood there frozen as Harry kissed Diana lovingly, carrying her up the stairs. There was a hint of happiness on his face. You muffled your cries by your hand trying to take in them. They were of no use. Your love was gone.

“we need uh I need t’talk t’yeh”he spoke taking your hand and leading to the couch. You sat preparing yourself for the coming minutes. 

“Y-you alright?” you asked. His hand stopped you when you tried reaching up to cup his cheek. drinking in the tears to prevent them from falling you nodded.

“yeh. I think we should call i’ off now.” Harry said in one breath. Wow. He din’t even take a breath. Didn’t he shiver while the words left his lips. He didn’t. It came out like a statement from him. Statement of no emotion.

The last piece of your heart was now wrecked too leaving you with nothing.

Now you couln’t hold the babies longer. You let the small droplets of tears leave your eyes. There was nothing left to fight for. His heart was taken. He felt nothing towards you but you still felt false hope.

“Pl-please Harry. I-I love you” you spoke delicately. Your throat was sore and the pain you felt was dripping from your words. Your body absorbed your own words as his refused to do so. Harry closed in as those words hit him like brike. This time he shuddered maybe because he realised a pinch what he was losing. His throat went dry as he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out except the silence.

“I-i get it. I’m sorry.” you said. Taking a breath you decided to let go. He didn’t wanted to hold on but you did. Even if you tried to hold on then you’d be just holdig onto a person who was now a stranger, anonymous to you.

“I think you’re right” you said and he felt relief. You felt the same. Good.

“Thank god y/n. I’m happy you feel the same” no you don’t. You could never.

“i-i wanna tell yehone more thing.” Harry said as he ran a hand through his hair pushing them back. God how’d you do this.

“I’ve already moved on” he said and there you felt like dying. It felt like someone was suffocating you making it hard for you to breath. You took in the air.

“Her name is Diana and she is no nice. I am happy with her.” Happy. Which you aren’t.

“I want yeh t’do the same. Move on darling. I wanna see you happy as well” Harry pleaded. Darling. The words drowned you in a fist of your own tears. You cried so hard, it made harry flinch but soon he wrapped his arms around you pressing you to him. His words ached your chest. They dug so deep in. How could you be happy?

“shh shh it’ll be okay” Harry cooed rubbing your back and for some reason his eyes welled up as well. His heart felt the ache finally. His heart beated and for you this time. But he made his decision.

You pulled away and stood up wiping the tears off your eyes and cheeks.

“i’m so happy for you. You deserve to be happy” you said. Your mind span around when you saw tears willing to fall down his cheek. He stood up and gently cupped you cheek as you nuzzled your nose in the warmth of his hand.

“I loved you a lot. Forgive me, I do love someone else now” harry said finally breaking the walls and letting the tears fall. Your breath hitched and the lump in throat grew. You leaned in and rested your head against his shoulder as he started to sway. You wanted to feel what it was like to being loved by him. You wanted to feel the warmth of his body before you let go. But before you could feel yourself melting against him you pulled away.

“It’s you I always have loved” you whispered. Tears fell down the curves of your cheek as you gave him a small smile and when out of his house, his life.

Sometimes, its better to let destiny decide our future even if that means breaking your world and living with no heart. Harry was happy. He did loved Diana a lot. You only wished that he would’ve seen the love you still had for him. But he didn’t. He moved on and was with an amazing girl who was perfect and it was not amusing that he wanted you to love again. But how could you? When it always was him that you loved and still will.

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