#completely serious when i say i want my backgrounds to look exactly like the ones in htf. they are so well done

[wroteclassicaly]

18+

A/N: Small piece of filth, hope you enjoy ❤️

“Driving me crazy. Don’t know why you do that.” Another bit of babbling you-speak, poured out in waves, interwoven through your whines and moans, Steve notes. Or rather, tries to, given the predicament of being on his back as you use him to your satisfaction.

You’d stared him down like he was prey for the last several months, always shaking your head, clicking your pen until it broke. Then there were the signs that made Steve realize, with a lopsided smirk (that only made it worse), that you weren’t in fact mad at him, not in a serious way anyways. Your hitch in breath every inch closer that he came to you, the way you melted into him if he just brushed by you, or how your legs would tighten, feet would bounce, to the way that you’d chew on your fingertip when he was bent over putting stock out and he knew exactly what you were looking at. When he talked about dates or flirted with girls that came in, you’d roll your eyes and be obnoxious in the background to sabotage unknowingly, but he found it endearing. And when he bought himself his new diamond chain to go with his mustard colored shirt for the fancy dinner in Indianapolis the older kids had all gone to, your public exasperation is partially what led to the moment.

It wasn’t until the following Monday that it exploded in full. Steve was at work on your shift, you were dealing with a sore wrist after his ensemble at Saturday’s excursion. And the stupid bastard had the nerve to wear that blinged out piece of jewelry beneath his button up, all black polo. You slammed a stack of video tapes down and had blew out a rough breath, working your way around the counter to ask Steve ‘what the fuck his problem was?’ And in truth, he’d worn the chain again just to gauge your reaction, before making his move. Sure, you’d been close friends all up in emotional arms for years, but the sexual tension was more alive than ever and could no longer be ignored.

With one hand on his waist, the other propped on the counter, he grinned lazily at you, fresh highlights looking perfect with his grown out tresses under the cheap lighting, jeans tight on his toned legs and perfect ass.

“Oh my god, Steve! You’re just… You’re —“

“I’m what?” He’d said, folding his arms to accentuate his biceps.

Your jaw had dropped rather comically and Steve is pretty sure you whimpered in defeat. You were caught.

“You know what you are, shithead. And I can’t take this shit anymore, it’s too much!” You’d gotten closer, talking with your hands. How Steve loves your hands. And you gave pause, brows pinched. “Wait, is that new cologne?”

Steve had pulled his shirt out to bare thicker chest hair, shrugging. “No, same ol’ stuff.”

“Can you stop, please?” You had sounded completely out of it, your pupils blown, leaving your beautiful eye color a thin ring, nearly transparent to the aroused abyss he’d created.

“Tell me what I’m doing, honey. Can’t stop if I don’t know…” Steve reached out with a finger, his confidence having greatly improved the last year within your friendship, and he traced down your cheek.

“Oh, shit.” Was all you could come up with.

With his thumb pressing at the corner of your mouth, massive hand cradling your jaw, he’d unraveled the knot with, “It’s okay if you say you want me, baby. Because I want you, too.”

~*~

Your hand looks small in comparison to his large girth, shining with what you’d slicked him up in, your babbling from before, slowly fading. His mossy orbs have shattered, their shards prickling you in an electrical stimulation, on you everywhere. His massive hands pinch your plush waist, every tendon visible on his jugular, his throat contracting around a harsh swallow as your fist around his base meets your body - seating him fully inside you. It hurts so bad that you welcome him to see the tears, see the glistening mess of your cunt spread open around his cock, cream bubbling in his base and smeared across his happy trail. You’ve never felt this before, this power, this safety, this want, this love.

Steve tosses his head back as your hips give an experimental rise and fall, sweat soaked backs of your knees feeling the pressure. He’s inside of you so deeply that you can barely move, his length dragging, pushing against every inch of your walls. You’re overcome in the moment and grab his big paws, curling his thick digits around your breasts and holding them together as you begin to roll your hips, never taking your eyes off him. He let out a moan that vibrates through you, his bed beginning to squeak beneath your rocking. His neck is visible again at this, scars beneath the chain, sweat glittering around and beneath the links, every freckle, every mole there, making him Steve.

Your movements have briefly slowed and he realizes, eyes open as you’re staring with this smirk. He gives your nipples a flick and releases, linking hands, to bring yours to his and kiss each knuckle he can get his mouth on. That’s when he’s flipping you with ease, knees sliding underneath your thighs, hands pinning yours to the bed as his nose finds your lashes, mouth planting his words across your lips; cinnamon breath spray, coffee, and cigarettes ghosting with each hot breath, “Don’t get too cocky, honey.”

On the break away, his chain sways forward, links getting caught on your lips. You take the jewelry into your mouth, sucking on the taste of the material, Steve’s chest tufts drag along your breasts as he fucks you on him with an ease so slow, that you can’t find cohesive speech for the rest of the night.

// Eat me paragraph //

[mayaflowerxs]

hi hun, if you dont mind can you make a fic of jaemin being all crazy for y/n but it starts off with them just sexting n dry humping till he goes all crazy for her. btw! i loved the affair series would love to see dream ver. :)

CRAZY IN LOVE

Synopsis: It was stupid really, you were bored and treated the app as a joke. You just never would have thought the man you began sexting would be your best friends boyfriend and at that an obsession beginning to develop.

Warning: Smut / Fluffish? / Angst . Swear word usage, Serious!Jaemin x Shy!Reader. Toxic relationship, pick me best friend, cheating,TW! mention of suicide, conflicted feelings. Reader is a bit of a push over + character development. Takes place in college. Blue: Jaemin, Pink:Reader

A/N: Hi love! Hope you enjoy and thank u sm! I haven’t considered making one for dream but maybe after I’m done I may think about it!

Pairing: Jaemin x fem reader

You felt like a shit person. You hate fake people, players even and yet here you are doing the very thing you despise. Being bored isn’t a good enough justification for it, your interest was peaked the second you scrolled by the app in the App Store. A cold rainy day that left you alone, cold and in the dark of your dorm. Roommate was out doing god knows what, your best friend could never really be cooped up for long. The cold rain drops fell on your window that laid beside your bed. Tiktok wasn’t interesting, no movies on any movie platform seemed to catch your focus. Wednesday playing in the background for the sake of keeping the room completely dark and silent.

‘HEARTSTRING, the best most popular app for young adults ready for a relationship!’

What harm could it be if you tried out the app right? It’s not like anything bad could really come out of it.

“And so I was like, Beverly you have to stop shitting around and like fucking cut the chord. He’s not interested in you anymore. I mean yeah have we been having a bit of flirty banter here and there, sure but-“

The chitter chatter of his girlfriend talking his ear off began to muffle as Jaemin focuses his attention on his cell phone. He wasn’t exactly in the best mood, it’s fucking cold outside. His thick jacket he brought with now currently wrapped around his girlfriend because of the refusal she had to bring her own. Currently sitting inside a vegan restaurant and a $50 dish that isn’t all that appetizing and fulfilling. With an hour worth of talking of all the boring shit his girlfriend has to ramble about, he feels it’s the least bit understandable he’s decided to do something he wants to do. Be on his phone.

His social battery only down by its last percentage, a small frown on his face as he scrolls through his feed. Boring and bland, only a small story of Jeno’s in which him and the boys were currently playing the newest game. Months and months of hyping it up, waiting for its release and Jaemin is wasting his time on his 30th date. By now, his bank account is about ready to burst. A cry for help he swears he hears each time he picks up his wallet. Stopping midway scroll when an ad appears, ‘HEARTSTRING!’

Taking a quick glance up at his girlfriend and sees she’s still rambling on about girl drama as she continues to take pictures of her salad and posting them online. To say his relationship with Nayoung was perfect would be the furthest from the truth. If anything, he still doesn’t quite understand how he managed to get in the relationship in the first place. What was suppose to be a quick fling, resulted in Nayoung telling the entire school they were together. Her parents were quick in wanting to get to meet him, a very serious talk from her father had chills running up his arms. “Don’t you even dare hurt my little girl. You don’t know what I’m capable of son.” He’s tried to think of ways to get out of that situation but it’s only gotten worse when Nayoung got in touch with his parents. The thrill look on their faces when they were told their oldest son was finally in a committed relationship. Jaemin felt that maybe he would always be stuck.

And if that was the case, he might as well still have fun if he can’t walk away from her.

Setting up your account came to be really easy. You plan to delete the app by the end of the night, you’re not looking for something seriously and so far the app itself doesn’t look that serious either. It seemed everything was anonymous for the most part. With only using real descriptions and names, not personal pictures are to be added and instead icons. An app for anonymous chatting. For a while it seemed it was a scam, nothing good was happening other than the constant liking of each profile that propped up for you. You weren’t looking for anything specific, you just wanted to have a conversation and just as you were about to log out and delete it. A notification popped up.

na.jaemin0813 is typing…

Hey

Hello…

Did you get the app out of boredom as well?

It’s like we’re one mind

Guess we were meant to be ;)

Haha cheeky

You know it babe

So tell me, what’s your favorite conspiracy theory you can discuss for hours

Ooh getting serious are we?

Chatting with Jaemin didn’t seem so bad. In fact, you’ve come to enjoy your conversation with him, you didn’t expect it to go on longer than anticipated.

“Y/n im home!” You hear your best friend say as she closes the door behind her. Turning off your phone before you can receive the next message Jaemin was about to send you, a figure appears by your door way. “I’m fucking exhausted.” She huffs as she drops the many bags of clothes. A pout on her face as she slumps her shoulders. “Can you make me food, i am in a serious need of a bath.” “I still have some of my left over chicken Alfredo in the fridge-“ “You know I don’t eat left overs.” She makes a disgusted look, “Please! I’ll owe you.” She smiles before wandering off to her room. “You already owe me.” You mumble before getting out of bed and into the kitchen. The running water is heard a few minutes later with the sound of music playing soon afterwards. As you let the water boil for the pasta, you get back on your phone.

Where have you gone darling?

Already missing me ?

Given you’re someone who isn’t all that dry, who wouldn’t be?

So am I safe to assume you haven’t had great chats recently?

You’re the only one who hasn’t made the entire conversation about themselves and the many inconveniences in their lives

Ugh, those people are the worst.

The loud obnoxious singing of your best friend is what interrupted your conversation with him. Focusing back on her dinner as she spent the next hour an a half in the bath.

A sigh escapes Jaemin as he waits for the three dots to appear before exiting out of the app and moving on. The loud yelling of the guys are heard as he enters his dormitory. Busying themselves on whatever video game they’ve bought lately, “On your right!” Haechan exasperates. Taking the seat next to him, Jaemin had kicked off his shoes and rested them on top of the coffee table. “Oh you’re back!” He hears Jisung’s voice as soon as he entered the small living room. “Were you in my room?“. Shrugging his shoulders, he lifts up the cup of ramen in his hand. “You stash them in your room, finally found them.” “Yeah it’s exactly why I stashed them.” He shakes his head, hearing a notification from his phone he lifts it up only to frown when he sees it was Nayoung.

“I’m guessing the date didn’t go well?” Jisung asks. “She’s so high maintenance.” He sighs before closing his eyes and rubs his temple. “Why don’t you break up with her?” Haechan asks him, half of his attention on the flat screen tv. “Because if I break up with her, her father will break my face I thought I told you already?” “Oh right- move you fuck!” Getting off the couch, Jaemin walks over to the kitchen table and takes a seat keeping the maknae company.

Lets go out tomorrow!

Shutting his phone off, Jaemin doesn’t bother responding back. Mentally and socially drained to respond. “I’ll be in my room.” He murmurs not bothering to get a response back. The door to his room gets closed behind him, falling on his bed as he feels himself about to drowse off until he hears another notification go off.

So do you study?

Third year in college :)

Really? Where?

Seoul National University.

No way really? I go there too!

We should get together sometime.

Already desperate to get to know me?

Yeah well, I’d like to be able to see the face I’m talking to instead of a screen.

Mm I don’t know…

Oh come on, are you gonna make me work for it?

Yep

Meanie :(

As the days went by the two of you have constantly texted the other. To the point people began to notice, “why are you always on your phone?” You best friend half heartedly asked one day, on her own as she busies scrolling through her feed. Eyes rolling when she sees one of her ‘friends’ post a picture. “Told her she looked ugly in that photo, can’t believe she still posted it. Eh, A+ for confidence i guess.”

Peeking over her screen she frowns when she notices you didn’t even bother answering her question. Instead, a smile on your face as you continue to text Jaemin. It’s been an entire week since you downloaded the app, an entire week since you began texting Jaemin and a week since you’ve been this lonely looking person. It made Nayoung wonder, you were never this preoccupied with your phone. If anything you never used it mainly because you didn’t have much going other than movies and tiktok. But this, no this can’t be a romcom or TikTok’s doing. “Oh my god!”

Jumping back startled, you look at her shocked face. “You’re seeing someone!” Scoffing, you shake your head and set your phone down. “Am not.” “So why did you set your phone facing down. Mphm?” “I always do that.” Stopping momentarily, Nayoung can’t tell if you were telling the truth. Unlike you, she isn’t that observant, she can’t even remember your birthday and only hopes she hasn’t missed it yet. “Don’t change the subject! Now tell me, who is it.” “No one-“ Poking you with her chopsticks, she leans closer. “Now, now it’s been AGES since your last relationship and we both know how that ended. Just want to see how this one’s like” A small pang was felt in your heart, you didn’t like to remember it. Your last boyfriend only used you to get closer to Nayoung. It hurt to know he didn’t even like you not once throughout your relationship. Broken up with him and getting the reassurance from your best friend is what got you through it.

“He’s not like that-“ “Aha! So you are seeing someone!” Sighing, you smile shyly at her. “Not really seeing if I have never met him. We only started texting each other. It’s only been a week.” You say with a small smile. A ding is heard and you were quick to check, a small chuckle escapes you and you’re entire focus was now back on your phone. You miss the small scowl your best friend has on her face. She wondered who this boy was, how is it that you didn’t tell her when all of this was happening? A bitterness began to bubble inside of her but she keeps it on the low and instead grabs the dishes and puts them in the sink.

“I’m going out, me and Jaemin got a date.” She says loud enough for you to hear her. “K have fun.” You say lowly, eyes still on your screen. Giving you one last glance, she makes her way out.

“Jaemin, are you even paying attention to me?” She huffs annoyedly at her boyfriend. “Of course I am.” He quickly typed out his last text before looking up at her. Rolling her eyes, she huffs and crosses her arms. “Is this how you’re gonna be when you visit my parents?” “Visit?” “Of course, mom has been wanting you to come visit and so I promised her the next time I fly out I’d take you with me! My friend will be coming too of course, poor thing can’t see her parents. It’s this whole drama thing she’s got going on.” She shrugs. Great another weekend ruined.

“Alright see you then.” A grin forms on her face, leaning in for a kiss before she was long gone to do shopping with her friends. Rolling his eyes, Jaemin sits back on his bed and unlocks his phone. His finger hovered over the contact. He wondered what you were up to, he was bored and a little moody that you haven’t texted him yet. Scrolling through your last few messages that he’s noticed have gotten more flirtier over the course of time.

Whatcha doin?

Why, you miss me? :(

Don’t be a brat.

You love it

And you love teasing me smh

Still mad…?

You sent a pic of your boobs while I was in the middle of class

I had blue balls for the rest of the hour

So you don’t want more?

I want you.

Aw what a cutie

I’m not cute I’m hot

Would you like to see?

Photo Sent

The text messages progressively got more flirty, from pictures of abs and cleavages. You made sure your face was no where in view of the camera. You don’t know where this confidence came from. You never sent such pictures before, and yet never would you have thought to begin sexting a stranger you met online.

Fuck y/n, I need to see you.

I’m sure your hand can keep you company

Fucking meanie

;)

“Y/n! I need help packing I just bought new clothes and I need your help making an outfit out of them!” You hear Nayoung enthusiastically shout as she enters the dorm. Slamming the door behind you, opening the camera app you take one last pictures of your chest down, wearing a black corset with a push-up bra you notice Jaemin swoons over. Sending it before shutting your phone off.

A huff is heard as you watch Nayoung drop down all her bags filled with clothes. “Okay tomorrow morning we should be heading down to my fathers cabin alright?” Nodding, she leads you to her room. Two large suitcases are taken out of her closet as she begins taking down all her clothes from the hangers. Looking at herself through the body mirror as she makes distasteful noises each time she comes across an article of clothing she no longer likes.

Do you like torturing me?

Are you fisting yourself rn?

Kinda have no other choice…

Good, go faster for me will ya?

It’ll send you another picture of me. Maybe something more revealing…

“Y/n? You listening?” “Yeah!” Looking from her bed, a large pile of clothes as she poses in the mirror. She peeked through her mirror to see how engrossed you were with your phone. A small frown as she still doesn’t know much about this guy you’ve met. “Beige or cream?” Showing you a scarf she plans to wear, she pretend to think. “Cream, doesn’t wear out your face.” Smiling, she turns around and continues to check herself out. “So who exactly will be going?” Hearing the sound of another text coming from Jaemin, you take a peek to see he had sent a picture of his own.

“Oh just my parents, some childhood friends and my boyfriend. “ “Speaking of boyfriend, will I be meeting this boy you’ve been messaging?” She wiggles her brows. “Nope, I still haven’t met him yet.” You chuckle. “Huh..” she breathes out before posing in front of the mirror. “So how are things with your boyfriend?” you ask. “Things are great! I’m so happy to be with him, he’s so sweet look he even got me this necklace.” Showing you the Diamond necklace you nod, you didn’t know much about this guy. If anything you never met him. It’s ironic how much she’s mentioned him and yet has never said his name. You don’t know how old he is, how he looks. Just that he goes to the same college as the two of you. Nayoung has even tried her best to keep him from entering your dorm. For whatever reason it is, she doesn’t want him coming over. A bit secretive with him really.

“Okay are you packed?” Nodding she smiles. “God you’re so lucky, you don’t have a lot of clothes to choose.” She sighs “ Well, I better get to finishing you don’t have to help me anymore thanks.” Grabbing your phone you close the door to your room behind you and lock it. A gasp escapes you, eyes widening at the nude he sent.

You don’t beat around the bush do ya?

Gotta show you how much you’re affecting me

Cute

My dick is cute?

Your dick looks delicious actually

Then how about you come over n suck it

Yeah but I love torturing you so keep fucking your hand for now.

Damn woman

Jaemin shut off his phone after he seen you left him on read. He was frustrated. Sexually frustrated, it’s humiliating knowing how affected he is by you. He doesn’t care he’s currently humping his pillow pretending it’s you. Chest heaving, a sweaty forehead as he chases after his release. Never has he had to work for someone this much. He would’ve given up and moved on but how could he, something about you entices him. Makes his want more, to go after you no matter the cost. He loves your banter, he loves how much you tease it keeps him on his toes. His hand going faster and faster until finally he felt the warm white liquid fall on his fingers. In the corner of his dark room, he catches his breath. Receiving another message but only groaning when he sees it’s Nayoung.

Can’t wait for tomorrow!

To say you weren’t cranky would be a lie. You knew you’d be getting up early you just underestimated how early. Nayoung isn’t a morning person and to think she would be demanding you to get up at 3 in the morning was the last thing on your mind of possibilities. Sitting in the back of the car as Nayoung claimed she would be picking up her boyfriend on the way. You didn’t mind, if anything you’d be taking the time to catch up on some needed sleep. A large blanket over you, you don’t hear the door to the passenger seat open and close. A smack of lips kissing and a cheerful voice greeting him.

“Is this your friend?” Nodding, she looks back to see you asleep. “Yep, she went back to sleep. She spent all night texting some guy. Kinda starting to think he doesn’t exist.” Raising a brow at her as she whispered the last part. “Whys that?” Shrugging her shoulders, eyes on the road. “She hasn’t mentioned his name, refuses to let me meet him and anytime I ask about him she tries to change the subject.” Jaemin only hums before looking out the window, dark eye bags beginning to become apparent as he too wasn’t exactly in the best mood. His hair was still a bit disheveled and he was only running on two hours of sleep. Guess his girlfriends friend wasn’t the only one up all night texting.

By the time the three of you arrived, you woke up abruptly by the slamming of a door. “Come on y/n we’re here!” You hear Nayoung shout from outside. Stretching and getting out, you’re left with carrying in the rest of the stuff. The cabin was large, only visited a handful of times. Loud voices are heard from the kitchen as Nayoung busies herself greeting the family. Huffing when you drop Nayoung’s heavy luggage inside you bump into someone on accident. “I’m sorry!” Tall and standing before you, Jaemin props his glasses up. Dropping down his bags and sending you a forced smile. “It’s alright.”

“Oh y/n! This is my boyfriend Jaemin!” The two of you freeze. Watching as she walks over to hook her arm around his. A grin on her face as she cuddles close to him. It couldn’t be right? Looking over and seeing he as well seemed tense but he kept a calm face. “H-Hello.” Giggling, she shakes her head. “Always so shy. Jaemin?” Nudging him, he seems to snap out of it. Clearing his throat before doing a quick half assed bow. “Hey.” Looking between the two of you, she makes a face. “Well that wasn’t awkward, anyways. Mom and dad wants to see you so shall we get going? Oh and y/n sorry we didn’t have enough rooms you don’t mind crashing on the couch right?” Shaking your head she smiles. “Great! You can leave your things in my room, you know where they are right?”

Not waiting for a response she drags him into the kitchen where it erupts in greetings. Laughs and giggles are heard, taking a small peek you see her friends are also in there as well. Gawking at him as he respectfully greets them. Sighing, you grab your things and go up the stairs. “Hey y/n do you mind carrying the rest of our luggages? Please, thank you!” Nayoung shouts as you were half way up the stairs.

You felt left out you weren’t going to lie. But then again, when haven’t you. Nayoung has always made it easy to fit in, to make conversation even though most of the time the topic always shifted over to her but overall, it was easy for her to get involved. Not you, it took a while for you to barely start lowering your walls. Just the idea of forcing yourself out of your shell sends shivers. How can you? You get the feeling Nayoung’s childhood friends don’t really like you as they always stare and mutter things under their breaths. And like all the other times you visited, you spent your time on the couch petting the family cat. “I’m so happy he likes you. He hates people, if anything he still isn’t quite fond of Nayoung.” Her mother giggles as she takes the other couch. Staring lovingly at the two of you. A warm smile forms on your face as you continue to pet the cat sitting on your lap. Her husband walking over to sit next to her, a mug in his hand as he nods.

“Toby hates Nayoung for some reason. Even before she went off to college he’d always hide from her.” By then everyone has shifted themselves into the living room. The group surrounding Nayoung, the smile slowly drops when she sees her parents conversing with you. “You must be a gem if Toby trusts you that much.” Her mother claps her hands. Jaemin takes a seat across from you, fighting back the look of boredom on his face. He can’t help but analyze you. Can it be the same y/n he’s been texting? Since he’s arrived, he hasn’t had the balls to text her. There’s no way the chick he’s been sexting is his girlfriends best friend. If that’s the case, he’s screwed.

A scoff is heard from beside him, looking up and see Nayoung enter the living room. “He’s just a dumb cat. I’m sure he’s only using you as a cushion.” “Well if that’s the case, I’m honored.” You smile down at the cat who purrs. Jaemin notices the scowl on his girlfriends face. He wonders why, it’s not like she particularly likes Toby. Every time he’s come over she’s always going on and on about how the cat terrorizes everything. “You should be, and Jaemin too! Toby loves him!” Looking up and meeting eyes with Jaemin you gulp before looking down. A silence is met before Nayoung speaks up. “Well it’s still pretty early and I’m tired. Jaemin lets go to bed.” One by one, everyone walks off to their bedrooms which leaves you on the couch with the grey and white cat. Head butting your hand, a few hours go by and you haven’t gotten the heart to move him. The sleep drowsiness has disappeared and you made due on being on your phone for the time being. A notification is sent from your phone, Jaemin.

It’s you isn’t it?

I don’t know what you’re talking about..

“Yes you do.” Jumping up, you see him standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Holy shit you scared me.” By the sudden jolt, Toby has taken it upon himself to get off your lap and plop down on his cat tree. Walking closer to you, you shift uncomfortably. You don’t know what to do, what can you do to make things better?

Silently getting closer, you open your mouth to explain yourself but he cuts you off. Instead he takes a seat besides you and smashes his lips on top of yours. A moan emits from you, it was quick and needy and you liked it. You liked it so much you even climbed on top of him. His arms coming around your waist to pull you closer. He smelled nice, his cologne hitting your nostrils and lips were soft and plump. Cupping his face to keep his lips on top of yours. A smile forming on his face before pulling away, “So you were the one teasing me huh?” A blush began to form on your face before awkwardly laughing. “So you’re my best friends boyfriend huh.” Clearing his throat he looks down uncomfortably. “Listen, I’m not the type to cheat okay? It’s just that I kinda had no choice but to be in a relationship with her and-“

“She trapped you yeah I know, she has done that with all of her exes.” Raising a brow he looks up at you. “Really?” Nodding, you sigh. “She can’t keep a man for the life of her so she forces one on them by using her father to get them to agree. He’s rich and powerful, wouldn’t be surprised he’d have you kicked out of college or have you be fired from your job. Blacklisted for any future opportunities and more.” “If I’d known earlier I would’ve tried avoiding crossing paths. Why are you friends with her?”

“I don’t know, I guess she was the only one who stayed.” “Stayed? What happened if I may ask.” “I don’t know, one second I had tons of friends who could rely on me and the next, I was hated.” You look down sadly. Startled when he plants a kiss on your cheek, a grin on his face as his eyes adoringly stare at you. “I’m glad I finally met you.” “I’m glad too-“. Reciprocating his kiss, you begin to grind on top of him. A groan from him only has you doing it again and again. Pushing him down on the couch as his hands roam all over your body. Piece by piece, clothes are scattered on the floor and heavy breathing gets louder. Your head is thrown back when you feel yourself stretch around him. A large hand going to cover your mouth. Leaning in, his mouth attaching itself onto your nipple and sucking. Sensitive, you begin to bounce on his lap. Hands on his chest as he guides you to go faster. Trying to keep the slapping sounds at bay. The feeling of him deep in your snatch had your head spinning, it truly has been a while since you’ve had sex. It was wrong that the first person you sleep with is your best friends boyfriend but you just love it so much.

And it seems you’re not the only one. For the remainder of the weekend the two of you have gotten closer. Sneaky glances thrown and secret meet ups. When in the kitchen alone, he smacks your ass before leaving a kiss on your cheek. A shit eating grin on his face when he meets with the others. Content he’s finally getting you back for all the teasing you’ve done. “Are you alright y/n? Your face is super red?” Nayoung’s mother says. “Probably a bad reaction to one of her creams. I keep telling her she doesn’t have to keep putting on so many products. Going natural is just as pretty.” Nayoung sends you a smile. Speaking up for you, a strong grip on your fork, you don’t bother to explain yourself. “I’m okay.”

Jaemin certainly didn’t like it. And he certainly didn’t like how easily you let her comment slide. “I try to say the same thing to you as well Nayoung. No reason you need fifty bottles of foundation. A day or two without it wouldn’t hurt babe.” He sends her a smile before taking a bite from his food. Tensing, Nayoung is left without words. Embarrassed by the looks her friends sends her. A scowl on her face as she desperately tries to change the subject. “So! Should we hit the beach later on?” “Yes!” Her friends clap. “Okay good! After we’re done we’ll pick out our bikinis!”

Bikini’s? Nayoung never mentioned there would be swimming involved? You didn’t even pack any clothes to get wet in. The closest thing you had were shorts and even then they weren’t comfortable to get wet with.

“It’s a bummer you can’t get in.” Nayoung pouts at you, watching you set your towel on the sand. Sunglasses on as you send her a reassuring smile. “Eh it’s okay, I’ve gotten too much sun anyways-“. “Yeah you’re looking a little dark, how about you stay under my moms umbrella for the time being okay? Hope you don’t get too bored!” She says before scurrying off to her friends. Clenching your jaw, you try to not let her words affect you. Has she always been this snakey? Or is this you trying to justify your actions for hooking up with her boyfriend. Surely she must’ve always been this terrible to you from the beginning.

“Come on.” “Huh?” Looking over and seeing Jaemin has his hand extended you raise a brow. “Where?” “Less questions and more walking, come on.” Allowing him to drag you away, he takes you to a near by store. “Bikini’s?” “Get one, it’s on me.” ��You don’t need to-“ “I want to, besides I need to get sunscreen.” He wonders off for it, and as he does so you look around the store. Eyes straying on a red two piece, you go to the fitting rooms and liking the look of it on you. Getting out, Jaemin freezes when he sees you. “How do I look?” Checking to see if anyones watching, he pushes you inside and closes the door behind him. Dropping the bottle of sun cream and picking you up. Leaning you up against the wall he desperately connects your lips with his. Running a hand through his hair, he begins to dry hump you. A moan comes out of you that he muffled with his mouth. A hand coming to wrap around your neck and lightly squeeze. “Fuck you’re so hot.” His pupils dilated as he leans in and press kisses to your chest.

Pulling the top down to reveal your perky tits. Sucking and fondling with them, looking to the side and seeing the mirror reflecting the lewd actions he’s doing. “We should get going, don’t want to raise suspicion.” You tell him with heavy breathing. Reluctantly detaching himself from you and setting you down. “Don’t change.” Grabbing your clothes and lotion, the two of you walk out and make your way to the counter. Ripping off the tag and handing it to the cashier as he pays for it. By the time the two of you make your way back, you hear shouting. “Babe where have you been?” Nayoung gets closer. “Needed sunscreen and got y/n a bathing suit.” Eyes turning to look at you, the plastic smile ready to falter. “Oh! How nice..well come on let’s get in the water feels nice!” She goes for his hand but he takes a step back.

“Yeah I will in a bit, you should join the others they seem pretty lost with out you.” Looking back and seeing her friends looking bored without her. “Oh okay. Glad you can join us after all y/n.” She sends you a smile before going back in. Feeling a tug, you look down and see Jaemin had taken his shirt off. “Help me put sunscreen on yeah?”

You can practically feel the daggers being thrown at you. But you ignored it, you liked making her jealous. A part of you felt proud you had the upper hand than Nayoung. Even more that it’s with her boyfriend. Turning around, you put some on his chest. Running your hands over his abs, his eyes looking directly into yours. “I really badly need to fuck you.” Rolling your eyes, you go to walk away but he stops you. “Now y/n.”

“Are you seeing this?” One of Nayoung’s friends says as they all watch Jaemin slowly put on sunscreen on you. Going up your leg and too close to your ass. “I knew it was a mistake to introduce them.” She scoffs. “Come on hun, do you really think he’ll do anything with her?” “It’s not him I’m worried, poor girl is so deprived I worry she’ll do anything for attention.” She pouts. “Don’t worry, Jaemin’s too smitten for you. He’d never be unfaithful to you.” Smiling she turns over to her friends. “Thanks guys, besides we’re really strong.” “So strong that should we assume he’ll pop the question anytime soon?”

Nodding they squeal. “I’m sure he already has the ring set out for me.” She claps her hands.

“Jaemin anyone can walk in on us any second!” You smack Jaemin’s bicep, currently in a dark small closet the cabin had he had managed to cramped you two inside. It was loud outside, music blasting as the others conversed with one another. Luggages were being packed and dinner was being cooked. In a few hours you were meant to be making your way back home and instead, have a clingy boy stuck to your side. A grin on his face as he leans in and kisses you. “Need you…” he pouts as he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck. Hands beginning to roam down your side and to your back. Biting your lip when you feel him squeeze your ass, gasping when you feel his bulge after he pulled you closer to him.

“No one will hear us mhm?” He breathes in your ear as he peppers your neck. Massaging your cheeks as he has you pinned against the wall. You can’t ignore the arousal in your pants but it didn’t stop you from worrying of being potentially caught. “No sir.” Pushing him away, you reach for the door knob. Feeling him pull you inside again roughly when Nayoung’s faint voice was heard going up the stairs. “I have no idea where he went.” She tells her friends. “I bet he’s with y/n again. They have been way too close.” “I’m sure he feels bad, I mean she is the odd one out.” Nayoung reasons. “She’s a loner Nayoung, girls like her use that to reel men in.” Clenching your jaw, you don’t notice Jaemin wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Ignore them.” He whispers into your ear. Once you were sure they had left, you don’t utter a word and merely walk out. Leaving him in the closet by himself.

Nayoung always assumed she’d be the first to seal the deal between the two of you. The first to have a boyfriend, to be engaged and to start a family. Unlike her, you didn’t grow up with a lot so she always had more than you. The advantages like starting her own independent life. You had to start from scratch, lots of hours working for you to save. It’s what the world admired about you. It’s what they respected you for, many could relate to you. And even through all the hardships you still smiled. You stayed optimistic and it’s why you had so many friends, why so many guys wanted your number instead of Nayoung’s.

“I’m sorry I’m not interested.” “Actually I wanted to see if you can give me your friend, y/n’s number.”

For a while it seemed like Nayoung was the forgotten one. It was all about her friend Y/n. What you were up to, how you were doing. She just wanted to see what the fuss was about in having so many people care about you. So the cosmetics came in, then the surgeries, the hard diets. But when they weren’t enough, the lies came in.

“Oh sure, but I have to say she’s currently going through something. Chlamydia actually.”

She didn’t mean for the lies to keep progressing but she just wanted to take some of the attention off you and divert it over to her.

“She thinks you’re a freak.”

She did feel bad though when people eventually began to hate you. And before she knew it, she was the only friend you had left. Boys avoided you and girls despised you. Your last boyfriend only cheated on you because Nayoung lied to him saying you had cheated on him.

“I guess she thought you just weren’t good enough, I don’t know what to tell you. But, if I were her I would know I made a big mistake. You’re a catch.” Her hand lays on top of his, a reassuring and innocent smile plastered on her face before leaning in and kissing him.

For years now she was finally on the other end, the one who everyone praised and idolized. And a part of her liked how she can control you, it felt nice to be better for once. And seeing how close you and Jaemin have gotten definitely hasn’t been putting her at ease.

During dinner she made sure Jaemin sat next to her and away from you. Served him and kissed him at unconventional times. By the end of the night it seemed she was utterly in love with him, which is why she just had to rub it in just a little deeper into your face. “I’m going to tell him I love him.” Taking you by surprise, you suppress any distasteful emotion. “That’s great! I’m sure he’ll feel the same.” He won’t. You’re sure of that. “I want to live with him y/n.” Widening your eyes, “Live together? But what about dorms? It’s still mandatory to be in one and you can’t exactly room with a guy.”

“Only for a few more months.” Sighing and sitting back on the couch she smiles dreamily. “I’m telling you, he’s the man of my dreams.” You didn’t have much to say. Which only made you more guilty with how you’ve been treating her behind her back. It seemed she really did like him, after all she has been stuck by your side when everyone else turned against you. “Then tell him how you feel.”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

It’s been three months since the visit to Nayoung’s parents. Three months since you said you’d stop hooking up with him and finally today you’d be calling it off. “Like hell you are, what the hell y/n. Where is this coming from?” A duvet wrapped around your body, you sit up on the bed. Messy hair with smeared makeup as you don’t even dare meet eyes with Jaemin. With only briefs on, he gets out of bed. Disheveled hair, muscles more prominent and the red marks you left on him still apparent. Lip stains on his neck with dark love marks going down his collar bone. A frown on his face as he demands an explanation, even when he’s upset he’s still breathtakingly attractive. “It’s not right.” A sarcastic laugh falls out of his mouth as he searches for his clothes.

“You’re finally realizing that after months?” Looking at you for any other answers, he drops his shirt on the bed and climbs back on. Cradling your face, he looks at you worriedly. “Talk to me baby, what’s wrong?” Feeling the tears beginning to form, you shrug him off. You don’t trust your voice, there’s a ball beginning to form and you know if you dare speak a work you’ll only sob. About to get out of bed, he grabs you by the waist. “No, you’re not running way again. Talk to me-“ “Jaemin you’re in a relationship with Nayoung! She loves you and even wants to live with you and here we are having sex!”

“She’s not you!” Looking away, he huffs and wraps his arms around your torso. “I love you.” Taken by surprise, you turn to face him with wide eyes. “Come again?” “I’ve never said that to any of my exes, and it sucks that this is the situation that we are in but, im not lying. I love you, not Nayoung. It’s why I didn’t say it back when she said it to me.”

“Really?” Smiling, he nods and leans in for a kiss you grant him happily. “I still think it’s wrong. Maybe if we confess then she will let you go. Yeah it will permanently ruin our friendship but you at least deserve your freedom.” Shaking his head he sighs. “It’s her father i’m worried for.” Feeling dejected, you let him pull you into a cuddle. Back under the sheets as he peppers your face in kisses. Until there’s a loud slam on the door, eyes widening Jaemin lifts a finger to his mouth. Your door was locked thankfully.

“Let me check if she’s home…hey y/n! You home?!” Knocking on the door and trying to open it but to no avail. Shaking his head, he covers your mouth. “Guess she’s not home.” She says, she must’ve brought someone. Getting up to change, you can’t but overhear her speak.

“Can’t believe you’re still friends with her after everything she did.” Confused, you lean your ear up gassing the door. “Well I mean, she’s my best friend-“ “Yes but she cheated on her boyfriend.”

Cheated?

“She didn’t know what she was doing.”

Why the hell is Nayoung agreeing?

“Yeah well what about her bullying you?”

You looked back at Jaemin in shock as he as well seems surprised.

“That was years ago, she’s getting better.”

You didn’t understand why Nayoung was agreeing with such false claims. You have never cheated on your boyfriend nor have you ever bullied Nayoung.

“Well at least she got her karma right?” The girl snorts. “Getting chlamydia, having all the guys lose interest in her and having no friends- well except you. I must say I admire you. I don’t know how you put up with such a mess.”

“I try my hardest.” You hear her giggle. “She’s a loner and a social freak, the least I could do is make sure she has at least a companion or who knows she might just end it all.” “Are you saying she’s suicidal?” “I’m saying who knows! You never know what people are thinking now a days.”

Your heart broke. All those accusations weren’t real and to think more people thought they were true hurt even more. You didn’t even realize you began to cry until you felt Jaemin wipe a tear away. They chatted for a few minutes before leaving and by then you have sat yourself down against the door. “Why would she lie?” You ask to no one.

Jaemin stayed quiet. Arms crossed and a clenched jaw, he immediately understood what Nayoung had done. “Isn’t it obvious?” Looking up at him with red swollen eyes you shake your head. “She spread false rumors about you!” “What why?”

“Come on baby.” Crouching down, he pulls a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’re gorgeous, sweet, smart. You’re everyone’s type.” “Are you saying she did it out of jealousy?” Scoffing you shake your head. “No, Nayoung is the pretty one. Everyone wants her.” “I don’t. I want you.” “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” You scoff. “Okay then let’s talk to your ex.” “What why?” “Because we both know the cheater in your past relationship wasn’t you.” The memory still hurt. You never did find out who he cheated on you with only that he was ‘much happier’ and that you weren’t shit to him anymore.

“You’re wasting your time.” Shaking his head, he pulls out his phone and begins to search for his account. “What are you planning to do.” “We’re going to pay him a little visit. Come on let’s get dressed.”

“I don’t think this is such a good idea-“ Cutting you off by giving you a kiss, he gives you a smile. “Just hold my hand, he does anything to hurt you I promise I’ll kick his ass.” Walking into the cafe, you immediately spot your ex. Deep eye bags adorned his face, his hair was longer and dead. He looked much scrawnier and almost exhausted even. Taking a seat in front of you, you don’t have the words to even greet him.

“Y/n. Jaemin.” He speaks.

“What can i do for you.”

“The truth.” Jaemin cuts to the chase. Quirking his brow, he leans forward. “The truth?” “Who did you sleep with?” Jaemin tells him sternly. Scoffing, he chuckles dryly and shakes his head. “Why am I hearing an accusingly tone. Shouldn’t we start with who y/n slept with first?”

“I didn’t sleep with anyone.” You speak up.

“Right. Like I believe that-“

“Did Nayoung tell you anything.” Jaemin cut him off. “Nayoung helped me realize I was wasting my time on her.” He glares at you. “Did she tell you she was cheating?” Staying quiet, his face falls. “Why do you care?…wait aren’t you her boyfriend.” His jaw clenched and he sits up straighter.

“So you’re the guy she dumped me for.” Eyes widening, you look at him. “Nayoung was the girl you slept with?” Scoffing he shakes his head. “I didn’t sleep with her we only kissed.” He huffs. “She told me you cheated on me, she comforted me and we kissed. She had me to believe she wanted to be with me but when I broke things off with you she ghosted me.” The two of you send each other looks, “Why? Was that not what really happened?…”

You felt betrayed. You wonder how long has it been since she’s been a snake to you.

“She told me you kissed my boyfriend.”

“She said you had chlamydia.”

“I heard her say you were mentally unstable.”

You wanted to believe it was all a lie but it made sense why everyone suddenly avoided you like the plague. No one daring to befriend you or ever ask you out. You were sure you’d die a loner if it wasn’t for Nayoung and now you come to find out you were put into this situation because of her.

You couldn’t stop your heart from squeezing in agony. The friend you considered a sister you cared for so deeply had ruined your life out of what? Spite? Jealousy? Fun even?

The guilt you had building in you disintegrated almost instantly. You don’t have quite the perfect idea as to how you plan on getting even with her, how you’re going to help Jaemin get out of his god forsaken relationship with her, how you’re going to let the world know just how a trashy person she really is but you do know one thing, if you’re going to keep sleeping with her boyfriend you’re going to do it without a care in the world. Holding hands together literally behind her back when the three of you go out for ice cream, his subtle hand on your thigh when you go to the movies. The glances you give one another when you two had no other choice but to be dragged by her at a fancy restaurant with friends. Having sex in the parking lot after making an excuse to leave early. Making out while she’s showering and even sexting each other with her around. You no longer cared, and instead it made you just a tiny bit better knowing Nayoung no longer had it all,

“They completely cut me out and I don’t know why! Can you believe that?! After everything I did for them they have the audacity to treat me like dirt? And that’s not even mentioning the weird looks I’ve been receiving from guys. It’s like I’m infected or something.” No but rumors are you caught a case of syphilis

BUZZ…

Come over, I need you now.

Photo Sent

You were finally taking your life back from her. Piece by piece.

[moonspirit]

hi! I hope you’re doing great today ☺️ I wanted to ask you one thing

how do you think Annie got her ring? was it her idea so that she would not have to bite herself? and if so, what does it say about her personality?

Hello! I hope your day is going well too :3

Interesting question tho. I don't think anything about Annie's ring was ever mentioned in the manga beyond the obvious reference to its purpose. Please correct me if I'm wrong tho, my memory these days is WELP xD

However, assuming I am right, this is where I have to say that I like picking tidbits of information from other published sources to expand upon lore, as long as it doesn't straight up contradict canon information.

So, I'll dive into Lost Girls for a bit.

I recall a chapter in it where Mikasa confronts Annie over her ring that she found in the training grounds (we already know that Annie doesn't wear her ring all the time, only putting it on when she's likely to use it, and Lost Girls maintains this). Annie's response to this is that it was an item given to her by her "parents" before she left home, and that it's important to her. Mikasa then asks her something like, "Why are you here, in the military?" And follows it up with, "It doesn't look to me like you're here to secure a place in the inner districts, rather, you're doing it because you have to." Annie then explains that the ring is what gives her purpose, and that's good enough a reason.

From this I've always assumed that the ring wasn't a thing Annie made or bought herself - it was given to her by her father, probably once she was seen by the Marleyan military as a definite successor to the Female Titan.

Now where did the ring itself come from?

Since we aren't told much about Mr.Leonhardt either except for the fact that he was shipped off to Liberio for his half eldian blood, his background remains murky. But I remember reading a reddit post years and years ago about how the pointy blade on Annie's ring was a bit similar to real life poison rings that were used in the middle ages by nobility. These rings were used to poison enemies as well as to facilitate suicide in case of capture. Sound a bit familiar? Anyway, somehow I ended up imagining that Mr.Leonhardt came into possession of a similar such ring with a blade as a part of a loot of stolen goods before he arrived at Liberio, and that has been fact in my head haha xD

So while I've just taken Annie's words (about being given the ring by her dad) at face value and accepted them, it is also highly interesting to explore the possibility that Annie bought it herself. Why? Let's see:

Whichever take you go with, the ring is very symbolic. The choice of using the ring to transform instead of a bite or cut, is very much reflective of what Annie was taught: to be quick, powerful and lethal. With a ring you attract less attention, and the cut will be smaller and therefore easier to hide as it heals. It can assist in situations where the hands and mouth are bound and gagged. It can also act as a psychological trigger: putting it on means you have a mission to complete and see through, no matter what; aka, you mean serious business.

So to put it simply: Annie getting the ring for herself would basically speak about her tactical mind and quick problem solving abilities, leaning towards methods most efficient and able to get the job done with minimum effort - the ring achieves exactly that.

On the other hand, Annie getting the ring as a "gift" from her father would speak to narrative symbolism. The reason I personally like this more than the first one is because Annie calls the ring "important to her", and perhaps that is because the ring is her one, single tangible link between her and father (in the Lost Girls chapter, she pats her left breast pocket to check for it), and as such, it's very precious. This brings out Annie's softer side that yearns and longs for affection and love.

Anyway xD Long ass reply, but I hope that satisfies you!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

QTA: Together

Hello! It's the time of year again where teachers talk about what to do in case of a school shooting, which is a big trigger for my anxiety, and when I'm anxious I like to project on Virgil, so I was wondering if you could do something with that — maybe in the homophobia ft. queer teacher alliance universe because that one already has the right set up. Sorry for rambling, and as always: I love your writing and feel free to ignore this. – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: discussion of school shootings

Pairings: none

Word Count: 2702

    Sometimes, there are things that surprise Virgil with how much they make him freak out. These can come in the whoa-didn't-know-that-was-a-trigger variety, the holy-shit-wasn't-expecting-that variety, and the for-fuck's-sake-how-are-you-people-this-awful variety. Unfortunately, lately, most of the things have been that third kind, because this is high school and apparently pretty much everyone else got the 'we're gonna be racist, homophobic, and otherwise bigoted now' memo and Virgil was skipped.

Sometimes, though, he knows exactly what's going to set off his…everything, and boy howdy, is today no exception.

Mr. Everheart gathers them all in right before classes start and Virgil can just tell that something's about to go horribly for him. It's a skill, honestly, something he's honed over the past few years of having his brain be an absolute nonsense machine that insists on being a shit. Mr. Everheart clicks a few things on his computer before he wheels his chair out to speak to them and yep, oh no, shit's about to go down.

"I won't keep you for long," he starts, and his voice is serious enough to make even the most rambunctious kids from interrupting, "but I've been informed that the next topic I have to discuss in these little homeroom talks is what to do in the event of a school shooting."

The room goes dead quiet.

Ooh, bad choice of words.

The room goes awfully quiet. Virgil swears he can feel the temperature drop a few degrees. He risks a quick glance around and sees that everyone's looking at Mr. Everheart, even though a few of them are still on their phones under the table. Across the room, he sees two of them reach out and hold onto each other, another few shuffling closer to each other as if the proximity will help keep the worst of it at bay.

It won't, his brain whispers, you know it won't.

Shut the fuck up, you.

While he's scolding his brain for being rude, he realizes he's missed a good part of Mr. Everheart's talk. A sinking feeling takes hold of his stomach when he tunes back in to realize that he doesn't need to have listened this time; it's exactly the same one they had last year. Some hysterical part of him wants to laugh; how rote have these fucking tragedies become that it's now rote? Like it's something to be read off like a fucking lesson plan, like it's something they just do now, just casually prepare for one of the worst things that can happen in a school, just accept that one day they all might walk in and not all walk out?

He squeezes the keychain on his backpack a little tighter and takes a shuddering breath.

"Mr. Everheart?"

Virgil looks up as Lily raises her hand. Mr. Everheart nods. "Yes, kiddo?"

"How likely do you think it is that a shooting will happen in our school?"

They all turn to look at him expectantly. He taps his fingers against his knuckles where his hands are folded in his lap. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I made a promise to you, didn't I, when these homeroom talks started?"

"Yes, Mr. Everheart."

"And that was that I would never lie to you, even if the curriculums tell me to say something different, I will do my best to be completely and totally honest with you."

The air conditioning hums and rattles in the background.

"I don't know, Lily," Mr. Everheart says after another moment, "I'd like to say I do. That I could read you some statistics and put your minds at ease, that I could say with confidence that I know that none of our students would ever do something like that, but…"

His voice cracks slightly on the last word and to Virgil's horror, he can see him hold back tears. A few other students aren't so lucky and sniffles come from the corners of the room.

"I don't have an answer for you," he says and it's the best and worst thing he could have said, "I'm sorry, Lily."

Lily shakes her head. "No, thank you, Mr. Everheart."

A small chorus of thank you, Mr. Everheart goes up around the room and Virgil watches his face crumple for a moment before manages to smile again. He frowns, wondering why it took him a moment, before the horrifying truth crosses his mind and he almost gags from the sudden sickness in his stomach.

In a school shooting, the teachers are prepared to die for the students. Mr. Everheart just had his homeroom thank him for being ready to die for them.

Holy fucking shit.

It's hard for him to tell who breaks first but then Virgil blinks and half a dozen students are up out of their chairs and hugging Mr. Everheart. He gets up with everyone else, crowding around to just be like I'm here, I'm with you, thank you, I'm sorry, I'm scared too, will you be scared with me? The horrible air conditioning buzzes and a few people sniffle and everybody just stays quiet until they feel like they're not about to be forgotten the moment they pull away.

"You're all wonderful," he hears Mr. Everheart manage, his voice slightly too thick, "you're all such wonderful people."

"You too, Mr. Everheart."

"You're the best homeroom teacher ever."

Please, they're all saying to each other without the right words, please don't die for me, I couldn't take it.

The bell rings a few moments later and regretfully they all pull away, swiping tissues from tissue boxes and patting shaking shoulders. Mr. Everheart ruffles hair and gets in one last hug here and there before sending them all off to class. Virgil manages to make it through the hallway without having a breakdown and all but collapses into his seat in the next classroom. His hands are still trembling.

For better or worse, it seems like the whole school is getting the school shooting talk today, because no one puts a fucking toe out of line for the rest of the day. There aren't any bullies or homophobes or anything, not even when things come up in class or he sees a few of them shooting looks at him. But nothing comes of it; he offers an awkward wave and they just nod back. Someone accidentally slams a locker and everyone in the hall flinches. A chip bag pops and the student next to Virgil starts crying. He sees one of his teachers pull their phone out and explain their saved information to a student who starts to make their own list. The buzz never leaves its place just under Virgil's skin and he drifts through the school.

Three days later, they have a drill.

He's out in the hallway. He's not supposed to be out in the hallway. He's supposed to be in class. But he had to use the bathroom. Now he's in the hallway. His classroom is on the other side of the school. The locks start buzzing all around him. The doors are locking. He can't get inside. He can't run. They'll think he's a shooter. He can't bang on the door. He can't get in. What if the shooter finds him?

"Virgil!"

He turns. Mr. Mackenzie waves at him. Mr. Mackenzie's door is still open. It's Mr. Mackenzie.

"Come on!"

Virgil blinks. He's inside Mr. Mackenzie's classroom. The door closes. The lock buzzes. He's huddled on the ground behind the desk away from the door. Mr. Mackenzie does something and then he's right next to him. Mr. Mackenzie is safe, right? He's been kind to him, he's been nice, he hasn't minded when Virgil gets all messy and upset, he's—he's good, he's fine, he's—he's—

"Shh," Mr. Mackenzie murmurs, his voice pitched low and his hands quiet in front of him, "it's alright, Virgil, you're alright. Can you look at me?"

Virgil looks up. His chest hurts. Why does his chest hurt?

"You're having an attack, Virgil," he says in that low, soothing voice again, "that's it, stay with me, now."

"I'm s—I'm so—"

"Shh, shh, don't apologize, it's alright, you've not done something wrong." To his horror, he feels tears start to well up and Mr. Mackenzie lets out a sympathetic noise. "What do you need, Virgil?"

"I can't—can't feel my hands."

"Here," and Mr. Mackenzie offers him a small teddy bear cold pack, filled with beads, "squeeze this, try and move the beads around. The feeling will start to come back."

Virgil looks at it blankly.

"Can you squeeze the bear's ear for me?"

Fingers that should be Virgil's that don't quite feel like they belong to him move to the black outline of the bear's ear and squeeze. The light brown beads move away from the pressure. One of them gets a little stuck and pops out later.

"Very good. What about his nose?"

The fingers move to the bear's nose and squeeze. It's in the center of the cold pack, so there are more beads that have to move out of the way. A few of them bump into the fingers. The top of the pack bulges out a little bit from so many beads filling it up.

"Excellent. Can you squeeze his left eye?"

The bear's eyes are closed. Why are his eyes closed? Is it dead?

"Stay with me, Virgil, squeeze the bear's left eye."

He moves his hands and squeezes. The beads squish together and move under his fingers. He does it again, watching them move around. And again, just to feel it on his other hand. Then his hands start to hurt, probably because he couldn't feel them for a long time, and he keeps going, pressing and squeezing parts of the bear's face. Belatedly, he realizes he's not following Mr. Mackenzie's instructions anymore and he looks up, only for Mr. Mackenzie to smile and shake his head.

"Go on, it's alright. That's what it's for."

He looks back down at the bear. He squeezes his ears, his nose, his eyes, his mouth. The bear is smiling with his eyes closed, maybe he's happy. He looks a bit like a children's book character. What's the last children's book he read? Was it one with a bear? Probably not. He did see a kid's cartoon show with a bear in it though. That bear was light brown too, just like this one. Did it wear a hat? Why does he have a memory of a bear wearing a hat?

He lets himself follow the train of thought through a weird fever-dream-like memory of a show he used to watch—or at least, a show he thinks he used to watch, until his hands aren't as sore anymore and he can take a deep breath without his chest feeling like it's going to explode. He lets his head tip back to rest against the wall, taking one big breath after another. After a moment, he feels the cold pack start to slip out of his hands and he sits back up. Mr. Mackenzie is still crouched in front of him, watching him carefully, but he smiles when Virgil manages to look up at him again.

"There," he murmurs, voice still barely louder than a whisper, "that seems like it's better, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Of course, Virgil." He glances to his left—the door, that's where the door is—and comes to sit on Virgil's right.

Between him and the door.

Right.

Right.

"Hey," Mr. Mackenzie whispers, "stay with me, now."

"I'm here, I'm here." He shifts to ease a cramp in his leg. "How, uh, how long has it been?"

"About five to ten minutes."

"How much longer will this take?"

"I don't know."

He looks around the science classroom. Beakers stand on the side, ready to be cleaned. Three measuring cylinders still have a solution in them. One of the sinks has a thermometer balanced on the very edge. Several desks have bunsen burners set up in the middle, ready to go. Mr. Mackenzie's lab coat is still hung neatly over the back of his chair.

This should be a normal classroom. There should be students in here, messing about when they think Mr. Mackenzie isn't looking. There should be some people taking notes and some people playing with the spare test tubes. There should be someone miming pulling the emergency shower only to be cowed by a single raised eyebrow. There should be some people freaking out about open flame in a school and Mr. Mackenzie should be assuring them that it's perfectly safe, that he's taught them all how to deal with it and do experiments safely. There should be one time where someone turns the gas tap on a little too much and there's a moment of panic before calm is restored. There should be bad jokes and dramatic groans and the general hubbub of students learning in a school where that's all they're supposed to do.

But instead, the sink drips thunderously in a silent room and the only people here are him and Mr. Mackenzie.

"How are we supposed to do this?"

"Hm?"

"This," Virgil whispers, gesturing between them, the bear hanging lifelessly from his fingers, "how—how are we supposed to focus on learning like this?"

Mr. Mackenzie sighs, and it's the same weight as Mr. Everheart's was too. "I wish I had an answer for you."

"The counselor keeps saying that we just need to be smart and keep an eye out for each other," Virgil continues, "but how are we supposed to do that when we're so scared all the time?"

The bear twitches in his hands.

"I'm so scared," he admits, bringing it back to his chest and squeezing it again, "I'm so scared all the time. Do you have any idea how tiring that is? I'm supposed to—I'm not supposed to be scared for my life every time I want to go to the bathroom, I'm not supposed to know how to text like, 20 people my emergency info in three seconds, I'm not supposed to have a list of who I'm ready to die for."

Mr. Mackenzie is quiet for a long moment. Then he shifts and turns to look down at him, a solemn expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Virgil, I wish…I wish I could say something to make this better."

"Having you say it sucks helps too."

He huffs a small laugh. "It does suck. It's an awful situation, Virgil. It shouldn't be like this. And I'm sorry I can't fix it."

Virgil scoffs, leaning against the wall. "You can't be expected to fix this whole fucking mess by yourself."

"I suppose I'm not used to that either." He leans back too. "I'm used to being able to have an answer for everything in here, I have to be. When I have students handling dangerous things like open flame, or corrosive chemicals, I have to have an answer. But I can't have an answer for this."

The sink keeps dripping.

"My apologies," he murmurs after a moment, "it's not your responsibility to deal with my own emotional troubles."

"No, that was—it helps to know I'm not alone in feeling totally helpless, you know? So, thanks. It, um, it made me feel a bit better."

Mr. Mackenzie looks over and smiles at him. After a moment, he raises his arm and Virgil scoots close enough for him to lean against his side. He's given a gentle squeeze side hug and let go again, but they stay sitting close to each other.

We're here, they say to each other, I see you. I'm with you. We'll get through this, together.

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[bluemidnightmelody]

lover/fighter - my favorite moments

[Little snippets from my Finnick/OC longfic that are stuck in my head]

From Chapter 51 - Rules, and those who break them

Rhea runs. Finnick's sudden intervention has torn away the veil of numbness that had been over her until now and she suddenly realizes the full extent of her irresponsibility. All she can think about is that she has to get away from there, so she gives her legs free rein, which are now leading her along the edge of the harbor as if by instinct, just away from everything.

When she finally stops, she stands in the sand and stares out to the sea in front of her. Its usually clear blue color is darker today, grayer, while the rain falls down on it without letting the surface come to rest. She feels strangely in tune with everything around her, the whole world seems to be in turmoil today and she can feel the breathlessness that makes it harder for her to think clearly.

The noise is still incredibly loud, louder than the crunching of hasty footsteps in the sand behind her. "Hey," a soft voice murmurs through the background noise. It sounds pleasant and comforting, but she still cringes at the hand placed on her shoulder.

She half expects to see one of the two peacekeepers, ready to yell at her and send her back to the Capitol all tied up. In the best case. But it's Finnick, just as breathless as she is, completely drenched from head to toe, as pale in the face as she's ever seen him.

"Hey ... are you okay?" He has to repeat his question three times before she really understands. She still can't manage an answer, but he can see how she is at least searching for words, and that she has at least heard him.

It doesn't matter whether she manages to form any soothing words or not. He doesn't wait for that and instead searches her from top to bottom for any injury, even though he's been watching the whole time and should know there's nothing to find. But he was and still is so beside himself that he doesn't quite trust his memory right now.

This time he deliberately refrains from actually touching her, even though he would like to prefer to check her over thoroughly. Instead, there is always at least a small distance between his fingertips and her. It drives her crazy. "I'm fine, I'm just ... really sad," she says with deep honesty.

Finnick pauses and stares into her eyes with a skeptical look. "But you're okay?" he inquires with a serious expression.

"Yes," she breathes back, trying to figure out whether she wants to cry or not.

Finnick bites his lower lip and nods. "Okay," he says curtly, giving off a vibe she can't compare to anything she's ever seen from him, tortured in a way she doesn't want to see on him either. It lasts only a brief moment, then he takes her face in his hands, gently but firmly, and looks at her with such seriousness and urgency that her breath catches once more.

"Don't ever do that again." It sounds as if it was meant as a rebuke, but the result is more of a desperate begging. His tone is by no means lacking in vehemence, but at best in the necessary sharpness.

Even completely soaked from the rain, his hands are still incredibly warm, in stark contrast to Rhea's ice-cold cheeks. It's only now that she realizes how cold she actually is. If Finnick wasn't captivating her with his intense gaze, she would probably have to stop herself from squeezing his hands tighter to her cheeks just to get a little more of the warmth that he possesses.

But he won't let her. All she can do is stare with wide eyes into his, where a different ocean rages and the different shades of green swirl together. He brushes a strand of wet hair out of her face before his hands gently drop to her shoulders, but he doesn't let her go completely. "I don't know if you realize how incredibly dangerous that just was," he mumbles, not angry or upset, but rather confused, as if he doesn't know exactly how to deal with what just happened or how he should feel about it.

"I know," Rhea replies immediately out of reflex. She knows he's right, but at the same time she still doesn't want to believe that what she's just experienced is real. "He wouldn't have shot." She wants to say it with conviction, but her inability to do so is proof that it's just an optimistic wishful thinking that she wants to believe more than she actually does. The truth is that she has no idea what could have happened, and right now that scares her beyond belief.

"There was a gun barrel pointed at your chest," Finnick replies, licking his lips nervously. He minimally tightens his grip on her shoulders, because if he were to let go now, he knows for sure that his hands would be shaking. "Rhea, this isn't the Capitol. And none of the peacekeepers here will care where you come from, not before and not after they hurt you. Even if you know the boy, or used to know him, and even if you were actually right, it could have been his partner or any other peacekeeper to notice the commotion. You were very close to ending up bleeding out in the street with a bullet in your chest and there's probably no one else but you in the district who would know what to even do in that situation," he tells her, until he reaches the point where he'd rather not think about what might have happened.

Rhea is no different. She can no longer bear to imagine the pictures in her head either, so it's not surprising that she sticks to the one thing that opens up another route for her instead. "I don't know what you think my job is like, but gunshot wounds aren't exactly an everyday occurrence for me either," she mutters, quiet and meek. It's a stupid answer and in the end, she doesn't manage to distract herself with it. Instead, she realizes that she is now on the verge of tears, even if she would like to fight them. "I'm sorry, that was really dumb, wasn't it?" she sobs somewhat helplessly.

Finnick's resolve crumbles instantly. "It's okay," he whispers, a little dazed, and simply pulls her into his arms without any resistance. "I'm not angry either, not really, just ... shocked," he murmurs somewhere against her soaking wet hair and closes his eyes tightly. "Of all the things I thought I'd have to worry about with you, I didn't expect you to pick a fight with the peacekeepers."

Maybe that's what made it so bad. Being completely overwhelmed by a situation he couldn't have remotely foreseen has briefly sent him into a state of genuine panic.

Rhea can hear in his voice how badly this messed him up and she would be lying if she said she wasn't genuinely sorry. The fact that she can't help but flee into the comfort of his arms makes her remorse even stronger and yet she simply has to wonder how it can be that someone in the midst of wind and rain could feel as warm and cozy as a gently glowing fireplace.

How does this man manage to override the rules of this world in every aspect of his existence? And how can it be that just a moment ago she was worrying about life and death, but right now the biggest regret that comes to her mind is that she would never have been able to be held by him again if she had actually met her end there on the street. There's something about him, something that fogs her senses and infiltrates her mind, and it's so tempting that she's almost inclined to let it happen.

She lets out a shaky breath, but everything already seems far less bad than the moment before. "Did I manage to surprise you?" It's just a soft whisper and she's not sure if he even heard her but pressed there against his chest, wet shirt clinging to his skin, she can surprisingly feel his already rapid heartbeat pick up a little.

"Always," comes his reply, albeit strangely airy and a little scratchy.

She feels the goosebumps on her skin slowly spreading, but she is no longer cold. It increases her confusion briefly before she finally understands. Without knowing whether she should be disappointed in herself or even worried, she realizes that the reason is excitement. Joyful, pleasant, effervescent excitement that he triggers in her the closer he gets. It's excruciatingly wonderful.

"Careful. Otherwise, people might get the idea that you're actually afraid for me." She doesn't know exactly where it comes from, but she has to admit that by now she's almost used to him making her stop thinking altogether. However, it makes her wonder what else this would lead to if she gave up the last bit of control just for a moment.

The faintest hint of a laugh crosses Finnick's lips, even if he honestly doesn't feel like laughing just yet. "Things were actually going quite well before, when I was the problem case and made you worry. I don't think we should swap roles in the middle of this. Let's leave it as it was, I'd prefer that," he replies, and you can at least hear a conciliatory smile in his voice, even if he doesn't trust himself to bring it to his face.

Rhea can't manage it either and instead of a laugh she only manages a short snort. "I don't particularly like it though," she mumbles into his shoulder. Why should one person always have to bear the burden of suffering? Should this really be their fate, or is there not the slightest bit of hope that one day there might simply be nothing but sunshine?

"Then we'll both have to do better." It sounds so easy, but it is actually so difficult to achieve. But a tiny part of him wants to believe that it might at least be possible. It wasn't like that before.

Links to all the chapters: lover/fighter - Chapter Index

fanfiction on ao3 and wattpad

[tammyjackson50-blog]

- Picnic with my best friend

___________________

Summary: You went on a chill picnic with your best friend Eddie, everything was going just fine until...

Warrning: kisses, cursing?

2/2

<;- First part

"Hellooo," I was getting worried. Why is he ignoring me?

" Earth to Eddie Munson-

" I love you Y/n "

-------------------

My smile faded for a few seconds because it came out of nowhere,

I had no idea what to think, he's already told me once, if not twice, that he loves me, but not in that kinf of way,

of course, in a friendly way.

And even then I didn't know what to say other than -

"I can't stand you either." I smiled at him,I gave him that response because, in this situation I can't even say it out of friendship, so sarcasm is the least I can do.

Honestly, my heart started pounding at that moment but I didn't let it affect me,for quite some time now, I've been trying to ignore my feelings for him as to not to ruin our close friendship, also, he probably doesn't feel that way about me, which is fine, seriously, I prefer our friendship, he sees me as a little sister and he's not trying to hide it, there were a few situations when I felt like he put me in the friendzone…

so I suppose I got the hint and I stopped trying,not that I actually did anything… but okay.

These little flirtations from him are nothing new, sometimes I flirt back because I know he's joking.

For a brief moment, he looked at me panicked, you can see in his eyes that all of his confidence was gone. " Y\n, I'm…serious…"

" W-what? Where did it come from Eddie?" I was confused, possibly because I had convinced myself that nothing like this could happen between us.

" I've been thinking about how to tell you this for a while now, but the truth is that I wasn't sure of how to tell you this."

I'm now playing with my rings as well, and I'm not sure what to do next.

" I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to risk our friendship, but as time passes, my feelings for you only deepen and the thought of how someone else will take you from me makes me worry that I will miss my chance, that I will miss you."

"Who exactly will take me away from you?" I asked, with a touch of criticism in my voice, I had to ease the tension that had been built up. " have you looked in the mirror recently Y\n?" I Rolled my eyes,

" Oh do me a favor " he positioned himself this time so that we could see each other directly.

This time, his eyes were not filled with fear, and he appeared somewhat more confident.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend, Y/n?" I looked at him again, I wasn't ready for this, for this conversation,I never thought it would happen, and the fact that he's the one who says it?

" Wow I- I'm not sure what to say" Again, there was silence,

" It's okay, you can forget about it, I completely unde-

I stopped him, " I'd like to be your girlfriend."

He gave me such a lost expression that I immediately thought he was regretting what he had said, that he had only said it because of the romantic and enjoyable atmosphere that had been in the air since we had sat down on the grass.

But no, before I was able to ask if he was okay, he opened his arms and hugged me.

"You don't understand what I feel right now"

I was a little hesitant at first, but I hugged him back.

" You dumbass " with that, he knocked us both down, leaving us hugging on half the mat and half the grass.

( not my picture )

"I know I confused you, I apologize for being a jerk, I also confused myself." I was now beneath him as he looked down on me.

"F*ck you Munson, a little? Maybe a little too much," he smiled as he looked at me.

The group of people who were singing earlier, as well as the music that was playing in the background, were long gone as we lay on the grass embracing one another.

It felt so nice and comfortable,just the thought of being able to give him hugs like that all the time made me feel happy.

Then, all of a sudden, he rose up so that he was above me.

I looked up at him, and, as cheesy and tacky as it may sound, it felt like an eternity, I never thought I could stare into someone's eyes for longer than two minutes.

Little by little, I noticed his face coming closer to mine, and then it happened, the last thing I thought would happen to me at the age of 19, something I expected to experience somewhere around the age of twenty or more, maybe I'm exaggerating.

There is no need to rush, there is no need to judge, because things like this will happen to everyone at different times.

" Fuck Y\n , you are so beautiful, can I..kiss you? "

I just hummed in response.

He brushed my lips with his, wave of heat flushing through me.

He kissed me gently, brushed his tongue between my lips, pushing his warm, soft lips against mine.

He slid his hands up my body and cupped his palms around my face.

Then he gave me a passionate kiss that I will never forget.

( idk use your imagination lol )

" I'm glad that you are my first kiss , Y\n "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-small conversation if you will like:

" huh? are you sure that it was your first kiss Eds?

" well, maybe becuase I dreamd about this moment few times already it -" " yeah yeah okay shut up,um.... it's my first kiss as well"

" yeah I know babe " " oh- I'm already "babe" that's fast not gonna lie"

" I have been waiting for this too long sweetheart "

"awww- hold up , what do you mean that you know that it's my first kiss ? " " Y\n, I know you for so long, I don't remember you telling me that you have kissed someone" " well that dosen't mean anything " " what do you mean huh? have you kissed someone before? why you didn't told me that? can you tell me who it was?"

" hahahaha relax , are you jealous ? " " no but like.... how come you never told me that ,you dork " "bae you are hella jealous "

" bae huh? I like that- hey wait wow, I see what you did, you are not avoiding this conversation young lady "

" pffff okay sir, no, I have never kissed before "

" okay then, don't play with me like that, shit "

" what do you mean? "

" I was just thinking, how the hell did this alien get kissed before I even got kissed "

" OH- you piece of shit "

"I'm sorry ,I'm sorry haha, let me tell you something from my heart"

" okay , I'm listeing "

I'll never break your heart I'll never make you cry I'd rather die than live without you I'll give you all of me "

. . . .

" nahhhh, Eddie did you just sang me a Backstreet boys song? that's an historical moment "

" shut up, what do you think ? "

" hmmm, I think that l- uhm, I love you "

" mhm "

" don't look at me like that okay, this is new to me so you better not tease me and just kiss me.. shit head "

" shit head? hahaha ,no problem, my girl gets what she wants "

" and you better start looking for new nicknames "

_______

hope that you liked this short " fanfic" .

I'm still embarrassed to write ffs, but it's fun lol.

(It's also my first time the explanation of the kiss, I hope it's okay and not too embarrassing?....)

[philcollinsenjoyer]

movie asks: get back (its on letterboxd, we're in a free world, let's count it....), sleeping with other people, saw X, and se7en

get back : never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece | new one it's more complicated than that

get back you will always be a beautiful normal regular sensible 8 hour long movie to me... the thing is i can't rate it objectively anymore like you're just sat there watching 4 cunts argue for 8 hours until the fungus hits... it's not a film to me it's a friend i'll just put it on for background noise or when i'm cooking or something it's been driving me to madness for nine months and i'll never give it above 3 stars on letterboxd. more seriously i have issues with some of the editing mostly of the dialogue i think it's very hard to understand what exactly they're saying and some of it is the editing's fault because there are conversations that are perfectly palatable in 1970's let it be and complete word salad in get back and i think peter jackson needs to let shots breathe a little cause it gets very annoying after a while to always cut away every 2 seconds esp if you're trying to look at someone's face when they're talking to try to get what they're trying to say (because the dialogue is all over the place)

sleeping with other people : never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

i was so surprised by this one i was expecting to not like it at all and it made me cry like three times it was such a lovely and heartbreaking romcom i love when people become best friends before falling in love it's so beautiful and the scene where she takes his hand before saying goodbye cause she's moving away and he kisses his hand once she's left made me scream like william darcy dead in a ditch rn.... i can almost forgive that dumbass masturbation scene it's that serious

saw x: never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

i was so happy that i got to see it in theaters i had such a blast and i was so happy to be back to a great saw movie in the franchise. i obviously see its flaws but it's so much of what i wanted for a movie with amanda & john. showed the love and showed the manipulation what John is ready to put amanda through and how amanda is getting more and more disullisioned with the ideology . john's constant disregard for addicts, his carelessness. fascinated by just how sympathetic he was being made to be while being absolutely the bad guy. the hello zepp reveal was stupid but when hello zepp starts olaying i'm on my feet no matter what so i did not ! care

se7en : never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

the only other fincher to this day i did not care for. i'm not sure what exactly did not click for me but i found it gratuitous and uninteresting not to mention horribly previsible . i didn't know going to it this was the what's in the box movie i really was unaware but the second you meet brad pitt's young beautiful charming blonde wife you know she's dying and she does which just takes away all the emotional core of the scene and i didn't care for brad pitt in it found him annoying and stupid. morgan freeman was good though and i'm still really into the idea of the hellish city where it rains all the time

[hot-for-rock]

Game Of War

Erik Turner X OC, Jani Lane X OC {background}

Word Count: 1.8K

“Max, I need to ask a favour,” Roxanne asks me over the phone. Oh no. Look Roxanne is my best friend and I'm going to try my best to help her whatever it is, I just don't like it when the conversation starts with that. It usually means it's a big favour and it's been a long day.

“Yes?” I ask her hoping it's not anything too serious though I doubt it is. If it was something

“See Jani wants to invite me over to his place for dinner.” Roxanne starts, clearly there is going to be more. What does a date with her boyfriend Jani Lane have to do with me? However, I have a feeling I know where this is going. Double blind date territory.

“He and his roommate have a deal. You can't bring home a girl unless you bring one home for the other guy too.” She continued and my suspicions were right, she wanted me to go be this other guy plus one. She's once again setting me up for a blind date.

“So I was hoping you wouldn't mind being that girl.” Roxanne finishes sounding really hopeful I will say yes. There is nothing I hate more than blind dates, but I love Roxanne. I also trust that Jani wouldn't live with anyone too insane. He's a pretty normal guy compaired to a lot of sunset strip rockers.

“Fine.” I sigh, giving in. What's the worst that can happen? It's not like I'm going alone, Roxanne and Jani are gonna be there as a buffer. Plus if I don't like this guy I don't have to see him again. It's that simple.

“Thank you so much!” Roxann says sounding truly grateful and it makes it worth it to help a friend get laid. I mean that's her ultimate goal right? Going to his place to get laid?

“Of course, but you owe me,” I inform her. I mean I'm happy to help a friend but she's not getting off that easy.

“I know.” She laughs, “Just please don't put me in another metal photoshoot.”

“No promises,” I tell her because that's exactly what I plan to do with her. Hey, she's a model after all and there is nothing that captures that sleazy rocker vibe more than slutty dressed models. That's something you learn as a rock photographer.

We say our goodbyes and hang up. Then it hits me. I never thought to ask who Jani’s mysterious roommate was. Chances are it's someone I know. After all, rockers love to room with rockers, and I happen to know everyone in the strip scene. I guess I'll find out tomorrow night.

—————————

I'm starting to think I might regret letting Roxanne talk me into this. This apartment complex looks….run down to be generous. I know I shouldn't judge and these guys are still unsigned so it's not like they have money. No one on strip does unless you're in a signed band with fame or someone's rich daughter or son. I remember when I first came here and this was all could afford, it came complete with an awful roommate too. Let's fucking hope Jani’s is better than mine was for my own sake.

Roxanne knocks on the door labelled with a tarnished 3 on the door. It's one of those complexes where you walk up to the apartments from the outside. I really hope she's got the right place. This isn't the kind of place you want to be two women alone.

The door opens to reveal Jani Lane standing there. He's got a big smile pasted on his baby face. He's clearly very happy to see Roxanne which is cute. I've met and hung out with Jani many times. Even before he started dating Roxanne I've done photos and promo for his band Warrant many times.

“Don't you look beautiful?” He smiles, complimenting Roxanne who blushes back to him. They exchange a kiss and I can already tell what kind of an evening this is going to be yuck.

Look, I'm happy she's getting loved up. I'm just not too interested in seeing it with my own eyes.

Eventually they move apart and I step into the apparent. The first thing I'm hit with is the smell of stale beer and what I can only describe as ball sweat. Holy fuck is it strong. It's even overpowering whatever Jani is cooking in the small dingy kitchen. You can so tell two men live here.

The place is surprisingly clean but I have a sneaking suspicion they cleaned up knowing they’d have female company soon. The place is one room. Kitchen tucked in the far corner, with an arched entrance to what I assume is the hall to the bedrooms and bathroom.

The dining space in front of the kitchen, which is just a table, it’s big enough for just four people. It has Mitch-matched chairs I'm sure they stole and beer bottles holding lit candles. I appreciate the effort on the candles but it's funny and fitting they are being held on beer bottles.

Next to that is the living room. It's got a well warn couch, with a shitty TV sitting on the floor across from it with a scuffed-up coffee table in between. On the coffee table is a playboy, a few warrant flyers I made, and very scraps of papers in a neat stack. Next to the TV tucked against the corner is a book case. It's got empty liquor bottles sitting on the top of it and is filled with junk none of it books.

I also notice an amp, with a guitar leaning up against it. So whoever his roommate is he must be a guitarist. I know Jani is primarily a vocalist. The wall of course has a pinup of a woman's tits out probably from the Playboy on the table.

This isn't all that bad. I've seen much worse. At least they have furniture, you can still tell two strip rockers live here though.

Surprisingly, I have yet to see my date. I'm about to ask Jani where the fuck this guy is when my date emerges from an arched entrance next or the kitchen.

I look over to see no other than Erik Turner. He's Jani’s guitarist or one of them. He's actually one of the founders of Warrant and I've known him for years. I've made lots of flyers for him and seen him play many times.

The thing is he's not the type to date, or the type you'd want to date. He's not a bad guy or anything. I mean he's been nothing but nice to me over the years, a little too nice. See the thing with Erik is this, he's a massive man whore. Sex is probably one of his hobbies. So the only dates he's going on are ones where he's trying to get a girl to bed him.

This man has flirted with me MANY MANY times and I've shot him down. I'm not into the whole one-night stand thing, plus I make it a rule to not become known as that girl. Especially since I work with rock stars, the last thing I want is for them to think I'm easy.

“Oh, I should have known,” I mumble, of course, Roxanne was being vague about it. For some reason, she and Jani have been trying to push us together I swear to god. This isn't the first time it's been just the four of us. The last time it was me and Roxanne apparently just ran into them at the movies. This is getting fucking ridiculous.

“There goes my chances of getting laid.” Erik sighs, walking over to the fridge and opening it. From here that fridge looks pretty fucking empty. That doesn't give me hope dinner is going to improve this situation much.

“You do realize those two are trying to hook us up right?” I ask him pointing over to Jani and Roxanne who are in their own world.

She's giggling along to whatever he's saying to her in a hushed tone like a schoolgirl and blushing. Yuck. Before we know it they'll be making out.

“I put two and two together,” Erik says digging out a beer from the fridge. “Want one?”

“Hell yes.” I accept his offer with open arms, I'm going to need liquor to make it through a night of those love birds.

“Catch,” Erik says, tossing me the can of beer which I catch with ease.

“Hey, love birds,” I call over to Jani and Roxanne, as I crack open the beer and take a drink. I need answers.

“Yes?” Roxanne asks me turning to look at me away from Jani.

“Why the fuck are you trying to get me and Erik to be together?” I demand, pointing over to Erik and then back at me.

“Yeah. I'd also love to know that.” Erik chimes in looking at Jani for the answer.

“You’re both single and have alot in common,” Roxanne explains.

A lot in common? In what world do I have a lot in common with Erik?

“A lot in common? What the fuck are talking about?” I ask her.

“I just mean you both hate love and have commitment issues,” Roxanne tells me, and I don't think I've ever been more offended in my life. How dare she! I mean yes I've been single for two years and shot down everyone who's tried, but that's because I've been too busy. I've been focusing on my career which is paying off.

“I don't hate love. I'm choosing to be single to focus on my career.” I inform her.

“I love, Love,” Erik says sounding as offended as I feel. This kind of surprises me I figured he could care less at this point in his life about anything besides getting laid.

“You love sex, Erik.” Jani says rolling his eyes hard, “Love and sex aren't the same thing.”

“I'm in the sexual prime of my life why would I get a girlfriend and ruin that?” Erik says making a fair point on his behalf. I will give him credit for knowing he can't be faithful and not wanting to put some girl through that.

“That's a fair point.” Jani says shrugging, “I can't argue with that.”

“What's your excuse, Max?” Roxanne asks me crossing her arms.

“It's not the time. I'm too busy.” I tell her, “When I'm ready I'll let you know.”

“Fine.” Roxanne sighs rolling her eyes. “I just don't want you to end up alone.”

“I won't.” I assure her, “I'm young I've got lots of chances yet,”

“I still think you two should give it a shot.” Roxanne says being her stubborn self. Once she gets and idea in her head it rarely leaves until the idea has become a reality.

“Keep dreaming,” I tell her giving her a pat on the back. “That's never happening.”

“Never say never.” Roxanne shrugs, walking over to the table and making me roll my eyes.

She's not going to drop this idea, is she? This is going to be a long next couple of months, isn't it?

[ramblingaboutglee]

Getting pissed off by Glee IKAG years on

 Am I late to the party? I feel like I am. Oh well I’m here, I’m gonna vent, sit down and pour yourself a drink and let’s get to it. I guess I’m doing this. 

Basically, this is me trying to take this episode, look at the justifications, and comprehensively complain provide a thorough, reasoned critique so that I never have to think about it again. 

Trigger warnings for discussion of homophobia, outing, and brief mentions of attempted suicide

Season 3 is my favourite season of Glee, just to set the context. I’d say that’s a controversial opinion, but from what I can gather Glee fandom doesn’t actually agree on anything, so hey. Every character gets something to do beyond sit in the background, there’s a lot of good arcs, good ship content, fantastic songs, better jokes, stronger pathos, better ongoing storylines... 

And then Santana gets outed. The one saving grace is that it just lasts for an episode, so you can grit your teeth and not need to deal with a long-term mess. But yeah, here we are. 

The Beginning

So let’s set the stage. Santana is, admittedly, harsh to Finn for an episode, and he retaliates by outing her. I’ve seen some commentary trying to downplay this and... eh, no. “Everyone already knew,” clearly isn’t the case when there were actual, direct consequences to Finn yelling that in the hallway. So, that happens. 

I... don’t hate the idea of that storyline, but there’s context, and that context is that it’s 2022. I watched Glee this year, not when it was first on. I’m existing in a time where if I want to watch a show with queer characters, I have options. So tackling a more serious, dramatic topic is not outside of Glee’s wheelhouse, and nowadays that being dealt with as a plot, and not put out of reach, feels reasonable. 

But at the time? I cannot comment on that, just by my perspective, but having one of the biggest, and only, lesbian characters on a mainstream show outed feels like it carries significantly more weight that I simply cannot grasp. It goes from being ‘one story of many’ to ‘the story.’ 

So, we’re on dicey ground to begin with, though ground that will inevitably lack the same impact to me. 

The Problem of Finn Hudson

So, Finn outs Santana. A lot of what I’ve seen indicates this made the character irredeemable in a lot of people’s eyes. I want to try and slowly untangle this. 

So, in a vacuum... okay, he messes up here, but so does every character in Glee. This is the same season where Quinn tried to steal a baby. If it was just this, maybe in a better-handled episode, would people react the same way to Finn, or would he be forgiven in the same way Santana seems mostly to be forgiven for threatening to out Karofsky in season 2? Brushed off as ‘They matured’ or ‘Glee continuity is a mess and I do not acknowledge the bits that interfere with my enjoyment of the characters.’ 

Maybe, maybe not, that’s going to be personal. For me, like I said I inevitably lack the level of reaction to the plot that original viewers would have had. So, sure, for the purposes of this essay, let’s say I could forgive Finn if it was just this. 

It’s not just this. And that’s where one problem really begins to rear its head.��

In season 1, Finn hurls a slur at Kurt. And sure, Kurt wasn’t exactly coming off great before this, but it sets the tone. When Finn’s angry, he’ll cross lines there’s no need to cross - he could have yelled any number of insults, called Kurt a creep, but no, he went for a homophobic slur. But okay, jock teenager in a small town, it’s a mistake that can be made without active malevolence. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. A week later and he could have learned.

First of all, context. In season 1, Burt chews out Finn for this. In season 2,  Burt walks it back and brings up Kurt’s dubious behaviour, as though that somehow implies ‘Yeah, he got mad, used a slur, it happens.’ And in season 5, rather than not bring it up at all, it’s mentioned again as ‘oh, no, Finn was completely in the right to act like that.’ We’ll get back to this in a second. 

In season 3, Finn outs Santana - he gets angry, and uses her sexuality as a weapon against her. He says the one thing he knows could hurt her, and it does. 

Which sets this in stone as not a one-off ‘mistake,’ but a pattern of behaviour from Finn. 

Finn faces no consequences, not in-universe, or in the narrative. When Finn messes up, the narrative will bring up said mistakes and walk them back, treat them as less of a big deal - some of this, I imagine, is dealing with fan reaction as Glee was clearly aware of its fanbase. Kurt comes off unsympathetic in S1? Okay, call that out. That’s good, so what happens when Finn messes up? 

In season 4, Santana calls up Finn to help deal with concerns regarding Rachel’s boyfriend. (Also Finn assaults a sex worker, smooth. Yes there’s context, I don’t care I’m being petty right now). This would be a good time to have Santana maybe be wary, a quiet “Look, I still have issues,” a follow-up in the same vein as Burt walking back his comments on Finn’s slur-usage. But nope, nothing, Santana and Finn are friends apparently. No complication, no drama, no acknowledgement of fan outcry. 

Finn messes up, does something awful, and the narrative refuses to call him out on it, and yet it will acknowledge other fan complaints if it means Finn gets to look better. 

So, yeah. I was pissed off even with all my context thrown in. I cannot imagine what this must have been like at the time. 

There’s a clear double standard here, and it’s a problem. It’s hard to really engage with the plot without noticing a major disconnect between not just how the characters react vs how they ought to, but between how each character involved is treated by the narrative. Santana deserved and deserves so much better than she gets here. 

The end result, even if we ignore the character favouritism, is a lack of closure - and while that may not be inherently a bad thing, in this case I feel it very much is. It feels unintended, and it feels like anyone frustrated or angered by this decision goes ignored because with no consequences and no resolution, there’s nowhere for that anger to go. 

And for the final cherry on top of context, I Kissed A Girl is episode 7 of season 3, in which a character gets outed. Seven episodes later, episode 14 of season 3, is On My Way, in which Karofsky deals with the consequences of being outed with significantly more gravity. Yeah. Not something you can just brush off, Glee. 

It’s Not About You

I Kissed A Girl, the episode tackling the fall-out of Santana being forced out of the closet, is not about Santana Lopez. 

That’s baked into the episode from the get-go, and it means it’s dead on arrival as a compelling story. I wish I knew what the heck they were thinking. But yeah, that’s where we are, so let’s look at it.

The titular storyline is one of several in the episode. We have the student council storyline continuing, more of Puck and Shelby, and then we have the Glee club facing up to what happens. And it’s Finn insisting everyone sing a song to cheer Santana up, despite her evident discomfort, so 10/10 there for ignoring her boundaries twice over. 

But yeah, it’s about Finn. Everyone comforts Santana, and we get none of her reaction, none of her thoughts, just her eventually accepting the comfort - naturally, Finn’s comfort - and happy ending? Somehow? 

Santana’s subject to homophobic harassment, and we get the title song sung by the Glee club, and it’s one where Rachel headlines because it’s about the club’s reaction to having a lesbian member. Yeah, the lead up isn’t even Santana getting a biting remark, it’s the Glee club banding about her. It’s not about Santana’s reaction to living with this, it’s about how good everyone else is to help her. 

There’s not really any denying that Glee is heavily inspired by the kind of inspiration porn rep of, for example, disabled characters in other media - that kind of thing runs throughout all of Artie’s story and the initial depiction of Becky, and there was a Rachel episode in season one, etc. It’s one of the throughlines, and it’s hard to not see the similarities here - when a character departs from the ‘typical,’ the plot isn’t about their life, it’s about how everyone around them reacts and deals with having them as a friend. Glee has rep, and in a lot of ways it is groundbreaking rep especially for the time and honestly, to a degree, even nowadays. But that comes packaged with the fact it’s representation from an outside perspective. 

This isn’t about the outed lesbian, it’s inspiration porn for the people around her, convincing them all to come together. The parallels stick out to me. Rather than give her a story, she’s used for the benefit of others, from Finn, to the rest of the club. 

And it’s a genre that has been rightfully criticised time and again as ultimately just using the people it professes to lift up. 

Okay sure, let’s talk about song choice

Glee recontextualises songs all the time. One of the highlights of season 1 is Kurt’s rendition of Rose’s Turn, a song from a musical whose title is a slur and isn’t that just on-brand for Glee at this point? In the musical, it’s sung by an overbearing mother whose daughter’s basically had enough of her. In Glee, it’s sung by a gay kid scared he’s not enough for his dad. Totally different context, and meaning... and it works. 

So taking Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed A Girl,’ a song about kissing girls for the attention of boys, surely this is something Glee could put in a new context? The lead-in to the song is the Glee girls defending Santana, and responding with “We don’t care if you think we’re gay, that’s not a bad thing,” and the show at least is conscious enough to keep the ‘Hope my boyfriend doesn’t mind’ lines out of Santana’s mouth (and in Rachel’s which is. unintentionally hilarious but hey). So that’s that, right?

God, I wish. For starters, it just feeds more into the issue of ‘the episode is not about Santana.’ The focus is so completely on the rest of the club and how they deal with being friends with an out lesbian and, y’know, not the lesbian herself. And even without that not-so-minor detail... Yeah, this song has way too much baggage in the queer community to ever use in this context, god no. 

I don’t know what was happening behind the scenes. I want to say it was the network pushing them to include a massive pop song with a sapphic title, there’s definitely a lot of points where the network clearly pushed for a chart-topper, but I can’t say for sure. 

This is not a song Santana should ever have sung. 

And it’s not even my least favourite in the episode. For that, let’s check in again with one Mr Hudson. 

I can mount a half-hearted, not-remotely-sufficient defence of the thought process behind I Kissed A Girl. I cannot even begin to fathom how ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ not only made it into the episode, but got treated somehow as an emotional moment, or even somehow Finn’s apology. Full props to all the actors involved for somehow staying in character. 

(Tangent: props to Blaine and Kurt. Perfect both fills the role of being a comfort-song, and “Welcome to my silly life,” is a great lyric for the situation). 

But no, it’s this song that somehow has Santana feel touched, somehow? The song that offers no comfort, has no relevance, and if you try to make it relevant it just comes off as Santana just being belittled for several minutes straight. ‘Having fun’ is not the turn of phrase to use. 

Which exposes the flaw of the episode all over again - Finn shouldn’t be the one to reach her. People talk about Brittany needing more of a role, and yes that as well, but Blaine and Kurt feel like a good choice as well. Kurt left the school because of the homophobia, he’s maybe not going to know exactly Santana’s experiences, but he’d be in her corner. There’s a lot of people it could be. But no, it’s Finn, the one that outed her, because it’s his story - it’s his ‘redemption’ arc, with Santana as a mere step on the way. 

I guess, for completeness’ sake, I should talk about Constant Craving. It’s a fantastic cover, and I know some people object to it being juxtaposed with Shelby, but my take is more than it’s Santana’s midway point. I think it’s easy to view her as still not completely sure or comfortable yet - she’s had a heck of an awful episode, being forced out the closet isn’t going to make anyone comfy, and ‘craving’ isn’t necessarily the word one goes for when one is totally confident and content with one’s own desires. From that perspective, I have no issues with it. I just wish Santana got a follow-up. Plus, y’know, an episode of her own. 

The saving grace isn’t so good

As I said at the start, the saving grace is that this is only there for one episode. You can forget it ever happened easily enough. In the long run, this isn’t even the arc that bothers me the most in the show - because it’s one episode. Bingewatching, as I did, it occupies such a small amount of my overall time with the show. 

As an episode, there’s plenty of stuff that isn’t dealing with the mishandled plot, good song covers, fun character beats for everyone else. It’s just that none of it has anything to do with Santana. As an episode, on its own merits, it isn’t my least favourite of the show at all - but that storyline, and how it’s handled, is undeniably one of the nadirs of Glee. 

Which for me, is kind of the whole problem. I like this season, and part of the reason I do is that the worst parts, for me, occupy so little time. And at the same time, part of what makes the worst parts as bad as they are, is precisely because they occupy way too little time for the show to do them justice. 

You can forget it ever happened, if you want. That’s the honest truth. Glee, as a show, often does use its heightened nature to get away with ‘Don’t necessarily take this literally.’ If you did, I’m pretty sure every character ought to be in prison. There’s a wealth of things that don’t get treated with the seriousness they really ought to be - let’s not forget Sue threatening to pull out Artie’s teeth at prom, that happened. The show will take physical violence seriously sometimes, and not at all others, and that’s just part of Glee. So if thee’s a scene or stretch that genuinely makes you feel uncomfortable, Glee brings with it the easy option to just deny it and file it away with the crack houses and sex tapes and supervillain cats. 

If you treat the episode as nothing but a bad taste Tina dream sequence, absolutely nothing about the rest of Glee is affected. 

That’s what makes S3 still bearable, to me. And it’s also the biggest condemnation you can give it - this isn’t a one-off joke, this is a major point in Santana’s arc, a topic Glee itself acknowledges later can be life-ruining especially in a town like Lima, and it’s brushed over. Forgotten about. There’s no closure for viewers that identified with Santana, no sign of this being acknowledged as the big deal it was, and ultimately it gets treated with as much significance as that time Blaine made a sentient puppet. 

Santana can be cruel, and she was to Finn. The worst thing she said, he’d likely forget about by the end of the day. The thng he did in response could get her killed - something Glee itself acknowledges several days later. 

Blithely forgetting and moving past this is not something that should be expected. And yet it’s what the show does. 

So that’s my IKAG rant to join what I imagine is a long tradition of similar vents. 

[merrock]

Hi mods! This might be an odd ask, but I was wondering if you had any tips for writers who want to be able to knock their replies in one go? I always tell myself that I'm going to do as many as I can, but I always find myself getting distracted or not doing as many as I had planned. I just wanted to see if any of you guys (or other members) had any ideas on how to just sit down and write, essentially. (As silly as that may seem!)

Hi there, anon!

Not an odd ask at all, and I hope that I can help you out! I do sort of want to preface this by saying that what works for one writer might not work for someone else, and we as admins never want to tell someone exactly how to do their replies (minus the stuff in the rules, obviously everyone knows that!), so what you said about others chiming in, please feel free to do so!

I'm going to put this under a cut, since my answer is probably going to be pretty long, and I don't want to drive everyone crazy on dash, but if anyone wants my honest advice on writing and replies and insight as to how we, as admins, do ours, feel free to read on!

I think that setting and frame of mind is one of the first things to take into consideration when getting into the groove of writing. Are you in the mood for it? If you're not, it's probably not going to happen, or at least not well. Take a break and come back later! What kind of stimuli do you have around you, and is that helping or hurting? Some days I need music in the background to zone into what I'm writing, other days I like to pop in a feel good movie or one of my favorite TV shows (the other day I did some serious writing while watching The Little Mermaid TV show, for example, but also I can't watch something I've never seen before and write replies, it just... doesn't work).

Now, here's a huge lesson that I have learned. Don't worry about constantly completely catching up, it's really not that important. Is it a good feeling to look through your activity and drafts and realize that you owe nothing and everything is done? Yeah, absolutely! And if you can get to that point, sure, why not! But... don't put that pressure on yourself. I used to, and it leads to a lot of burn out and being disappointed in yourself, and for what? A hobby that you should love doing, instead! So if you're not caught up, if you have drafts you didn't get to, remind yourself: they are going to be there the next time that you log in.

As an aside, spoiler alert: as admins, we will never ask you to be caught up on replies, like... ever. When we say that you need to be active to do something (new character, big plot, etc.) we do not mean 100% caught up on replies, but we do mean steady with replies. The reason we say this is being caught up once after doing replies that are very old is concerning, vs. being active to where none of your replies are older than a week or so (if that makes sense).

Lindsey and I have similar but different approaches to replies! Unless they are strained for time, Lindsey normally logs in and does every reply that they drafted up until a point. Like, say that it's 10AM on a Thursday when they draft, and they log in at 8PM that night to do replies... they will do everything in their drafts, normally for their first four characters, with the second four being done the next time they're on. But if they are busy and don't have as much time, they do the three-reply method to make sure that all of their characters get some replies out, and just do the three oldest replies on each character. (If you have anything to add, feel free, co-mod!)

Personally, my goal is always to keep all of my characters equally active, so I do replies in small batches of time (Sunday night's replies, then Monday's daytime replies, then Monday night's replies, etc.). This helps me gauge where I am, and allows me to keep all of my characters on the same page. If I've gone through Cage, Nari and Rafael before I stop, then the next time I log in, I pick up with Stelly. I do have days, admittedly, where I log in and just do all of Cage's, all of Nari's, etc. until I'm done, but only when I know I either don't owe a lot or am in one of those moods where I just never want to stop writing, you know? Oh, also if I want to change things up, sometimes I start with Josh first, just for the hell of it, and work backwards. The order doesn't matter so much as every character being active.

Now, do you have to do replies like that? Nah, no way! Just because our methods work for us does not mean that they will work for you, or have to! But I think some of the key, important takeaways to help avoid burn out and keep all of your characters active are to do your oldest stuff first (it's literally just going to keep getting older, more outdated and more dusty if you only respond to the same stuff over and over, trust me), pick up where you left off when you stop, and be flexible on how you do replies depending on your needs that day! You'll thank yourself.

As for the distraction part, like I said above, I cannot watch new TV shows/movies that I haven't seen before, because my brain just... will not focus. I am also incredibly bad about picking up my phone and opening a game and just... bye, you know? (It's always coloring apps, if you're wondering.) So, I know you mentioned working straight through, but don't be afraid to give yourself little break when you need it. Playlists help me a lot, too! Depending on my mood or what I'm writing, I try to have a playlist that I can put on to make me happy or put me in a good mood. Each of my characters have playlists, too. (I know a lot of you guys probably have them, too.)

... this is probably long-winded as heck, and you're like, "why did I ask, I got nothing out of this," but. I tried, so let's sum it all up before I press pause and go watch some football.

TLDR version: set small goals for yourself & then continue on when/if you have time after those goals are met, create an environment for yourself with no distractions and things that put you in the writing mood, please never pressure yourself to be caught up but rather just be consistent and steady with all of your activity, find a method that works best for you but also be flexible for your needs on any one day, and remember to have fun with writing! xx

[wingsyliveblogs]

so far who would you say is your favorite charcter 9 be it major supporting side background ect )

Oof. Both of these are pretty tricky questions to answer, and it's not exactly getting any easier as I progress through the show, but I'll do my best!

(Incidentally, I answered both questions some time ago, and my original answers can be found in this post. That said, my thoughts are bound to change over time, so it seems only appropriate for me to give new answers for questions like these every now and then!)

1. Obviously it's gotta be Steve.

Okay, for a more serious answer... it's hard to say? There are a few different factors that make it tricky to pinpoint a single character who’s my absolute favourite, and I feel as though my thoughts change practically every episode. 

And I feel it’s important to clarify that this is actually really unusual for me! With most media I get into, it’s pretty easy for me to point at one specific character and go “yeah, that one’s my fave”. It could be that I’m getting an in-depth look at all of the characters that I wouldn’t normally have, or maybe that the characters and the character dynamics in this show just happen to appeal to me specifically. Probably both! Either way, it makes a question like this a bit more difficult to answer than it might otherwise be. 

So, let’s see. Just taking into consideration which characters I’m most excited to see again, I’d say my favourite character at the moment is probably Lilith? I can’t exactly explain why, though - I guess I just think she’s an interesting character and I want to know more about her?? (And of course, her dynamic with Eda is wonderful in every way.) 

Naturally, Amity remains another favourite character of mine, and I doubt that’s likely to change anytime soon. She’s just so much fun!

Beyond this, it kind of depends on the episode. When it comes to major characters, I often find myself getting particularly invested in whoever’s the focus of the episode. This tends to happen especially with Eda and King, because I love characters who are bad at emotions and they have that in spades, but overall, it can apply to pretty much anyone! For example, right now I’m feeling a lot of love for King, but who knows what’ll happen when I watch the next episode..?

And then, I always enjoy it when Principal Bump makes an appearance, so there’s that too.

...so yeah, I’m not sure if this answered your question at all, but that’s what I’ve got right now! 

2. Hmmmmm. This one’s tricky. I’m not even sure I can really give it a proper answer? There are so many good episodes, and it’s really hard to compare them. I guess, instead of trying to figure out which episodes I like the most, I’ll go with which episodes I felt I enjoyed liveblogging the whole way through the most? And I think that would be episodes 5, 9, and 11. 

But the thing is, there are a lot of episodes that I enjoyed nearly as much as these three anyway! They’re “favourites” by a very narrow margin. This is why I prefer not to do episode rankings, because it’s nearly impossible to settle on a single answer that I can’t second-guess myself on. Even choosing favourites is hard! 

Plus, this is a completely different question from, say, asking me which scenes I’ve enjoyed most in the show. If I had to answer that one, one of them would definitely be Luz figuring out the ice spell in Episode 12, and another’s got to be her talk with Amity in Episode 5, and then there’s the ending scene from Episode 2.........

[4daddy-baby]

Visiting Professor

It was with suppressed excitement that I knocked on Professor Erling's

door.

He opened it wide, a smile on the corner of his lips. His tall, broad

shouldered frame moved just slightly to the side, creating a small space

for me to enter.

"I admire punctuality," he said.

I tried to smile back, but I could feel it come out as a thin tremor. I

squeezed in past him, wanting body contact but avoiding it.

The door closed behind me.

His house was immaculate. Stark without being austere. A large, many spined

ebony carving adorned one wall. The couches were black, the carpets and

walls were all white. One green plant. One blue bowl filled with lemons on

the countertop. Everything just so perfectly placed.

*POP*

The sound of the wine bottle uncorking caught me off-guard. I must've

jumped because Professor Erling looked amused.

"Drink, Professor Sherman?" he asked, waving two wine glasses. "Or do you

wish to jump right into the discussion of Fourier's Heat Law," he added

with a sarcastic drawl.

I gulped only to find my mouth was dry.

"Drink would be great," I rasped, then cleared my throat.

We both had meetings in our calendars for the upcoming week to discuss

complex math problems. Tonight was supposed to be a social thing, just to

get to know each other outside of the university setting.

But I could not deny that I wanted more. No, not math. I wanted to learn if

there was truth to certain rumours that floated around in certain specific

group chats.

He handed me the wine. We both sat down on orthogonal couches. I began to

sip.

"It's a lovely place," I said. "Beautiful and sev- serious."

He gestured a curt wave with his fingers.

"You can say severe," he said. "That is an acceptable compliment, in my

books. Though I would use the word - disciplined."

A shiver of excitement ran down my spine. I kept my breathing even.

"You look to be plenty disciplined yourself," I said boldly. "Not all math

professors bring back the same level of discipline that they apply at work

to maintaining their ... bodies."

Even though his light blue shirt was not too tight, I could see his massive

pecs firm up from the compliment. His face, however, remained impassive.

He replied, "I have seen what happens to those who surrender too quickly to

the ravages of time and senescence. And I am only in my mid-forties." He

ran his hand through his light blond hair, making his bicep and pec bulge

again. "Speaking of time, I was intrigued by your paper on time series

forecasting in post-recession investment management. How many quants did

you have working for you?"

He was turning the conversation towards our technical background and I went

with the flow. I found myself excitedly talking about anything he

asked. And yet, when he would abruptly and firmly change the subject, I

found that I didn't begrudge the change at all. With anyone else, I would

have been miffed, if not downright annoyed.

He himself sat perfectly still, with exception of occasional sips of his

wine and some punctuating hand gestures.

At one point, my stomach rumbled in demand for food. I blushed. He

completely ignored it. We continued talking.

There was a bump from the floor above.

I paused and my eyes darted up to the ceiling. I looked back at him. He

hadn't moved or looked away from me. Though I got the sense that there was

a hint of a smile on the corners of his mouth. I sipped some wine, cast one

more look up and then resumed the conversation.

It wasn't until exactly at 7pm when he cut off our conversation and led me

over to the dining table.

I was served perfectly baked salmon and potatoes. He must've had them in

the oven since before I arrived. The timing needed to be precise, as well

as the cut and position in the oven.

He served it on both our plates, drizzled it cleanly with a creamy dill

dressing, and refilled my wine glass.

We both began our dinner. The taste was exquisite. Like everything else

about him. I was shoving forkfuls into my mouth. He was cutting out exact

pieces and chewing calmly.

Suddenly there was another sound from upstairs. A door slamming shut.

I looked back at him, this time my brow furrowed in question.

He swallowed the morsel and then actually smiled.

"That's just my ... son," he said. His eyes locked on to mine in a

challenge. We both knew that he didn't have a family.

My heart started pounding, my face blushed. I couldn't believe it. The

rumours were true?! I wanted to ask, I wanted to- But I didn't have the

courage.

"Oh. Okay," I replied nervously. I fidgeted and then realized that I was

adjusting my growing cock. I brought my hand back up above the table and

kept my eyes on my plate as I ate.

He too resumed eating. The clink of silverware filled silence in the room.

When we were done, he cleaned up the table, rinsed the plates, and put them

in the dishwasher.

"A bit of port to wind down?" he asked, reaching for a different bottle. I

nodded.

We returned to the living room and he poured out the dessert wine. I

realized that the lights had automatically dimmed inside, just as twilight

had fully descended outside.

I tried to steer the conversation to his childhood and his background,

hoping to find out more about his son. But he deftly turned it right back

to my childhood.

"Yes, I was always closer to my mother than my fa-" I stopped mid

sentence. There was a creak from the stairs. And then another.

Someone was coming down the stairs to the living room.

I could see in my periphery that Professor Erling's eyes were locked onto

mine. But mine were locked onto the stairs.

A bare foot descended onto a step that I could see. Then the second one.

It descended again, and again.

Bare, brown calves came into view.

And then, the thighs. Reddish brown, muscular like an Olympic

athlete. Completely smooth, like the rest of the leg.

As the naked upper thighs came into view, I swallowed in anticipation,

wondering if this figure was completely naked. I held my breath as the

crotch descended.

Blue, red, black net, bulge. It took me a second to process what I was

seeing. The bulge was straining against a pair of tight, way too tight and

small, spiderman briefs. It looked like the underwear of a 15 year old had

been forced onto a man. And when he descended even more, I realized that's

exactly what had happened. His shaved crotch was all too visible as the hem

of the underwear could not cover much of his hips and groin.

He descended.

His adonis belt came into view. His taut stomach with four easily visible

abs. Deliciously brown and smooth. Something big and yellow by his side.

He descended.

His bulging pecs and dark brown nipples came into view. His muscular arms

wrapped around a large, yellow stuffed toy. Likely one of those Japanese

animated creatures.

He descended onto the living room floor.

A college student. Pure-blooded native American, by the looks of him. Bold,

sharp cheekbones. A fanged necklace hanging between his pectoral

cleavage. His hair long down to his neck.

I realized that my cock was fully hard.

"Daddy," he said in a soft voice, pitched as high and mewling as he

could. "Won't you tuck me in bed and read me a bedtime story?" His eyes

looked pleadingly towards Professor Erling, completely ignoring me.

The professor stood up. He looked at me said, "Excuse me, Professor

Sherman, but it is time for me to tuck in my little boy." He walked over to

the college boy and turned him towards the stairs. With his arm wrapped

around the boy's waist, he started to take him up the stairs.

Then he stopped. Turned around. And said to me, "Of course, you are welcome

to watch."

He turned back and continued climbing.

I realized my jaw had dropped at some point. I closed my mouth, put down my

port with shaking fingers, and stood up. My cock was tenting my pants and

there was no way to hide it.

I left the living room and walked up the stairs. The lights behind me

dimmed down to total darkness.

---

I opened wide the door to his son's room. It was covered in superhero

posters on every wall. I recognized some GI Joe posters too. And there were

shirtless burly men drawn in an oriental style as well.

There was a half finished lego castle in one corner. A lava lamp lit the

room. The bed was covered in Aladdin sheets featuring Disney's rendition of

the genie. And on top of the sheets was the hot college boy, laying naked

with his hard cock pointing up at the cieling, eyes on his daddy.

The professor was carefully putting away the stuffed toy.

Once he was done, he started to unbutton his shirt.

In slow motion, his pale Scandinavian arms and torso came into view. Pecs

covered with blond and grey hair. No abs but no sign of a belly either. Not

quite as Olympian a build as the college boy, but easily in the 95th

percentile of men in their mid forties.

He hooked his fingers on to his pants buttons and unhooked them.

"Have you brushed your teeth?" he asked the college boy sternly.

"Yes, Daddy," the boy replied dutifully.

The professor lowered his pants, his strong, hairy thighs and calves coming

into view.

"Have you folded and put away your laundry?"

"Yes, Daddy."

The professor lowered his black boxer briefs to the floor. An eight inch

cock, thick, with a purple mushroom head rose up towards the ceiling. I

licked my lips.

"Have you done your homework?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy," the boy replied, with a note of shame in his voice.

As the professor walked slowly to the bed, he spoke without turning to look

at me. "Some students in my class think that they can coast by without

doing their homework." He clambered on top of the bed, kneeling with his

legs on either side of the college boy's torso. "And then they discover

that they cannot pass my class without doing their homework." He moved up

so that his cockhead was against the lips of the college boy. "A select few

of those students get made an offer by me." He put a finger under the base

of his cock and slowly dragged it up to the tip. A spurt of precum came

gushing out and covered the boy's lips. The boy did not open his lips but

waited patiently. "And some of them even take me up on that offer. For one

week, they have the honour of being my son." He used his cock to rub the

precum all over the college boy's face. "My good little boy." With each

word, he smacked his slimed cock on the boy's face. "Open wide for Daddy's

pacifier."

Immediately, the college boy opened his mouth, eagerly took the professor's

mushroom head into his mouth, and began sucking. The boy's own cock was

hard, long, and dripping. But he kept his hands on the professor's thighs.

My own hand went down to my hard cock tenting my pants and squeezed it.

The professor's head snapped in my direction like a whip, and his face

darkened.

"Hands off!" he commanded, and my hands flew behind my back, clasping each

other. "Only one cock," he continued, "Gets to be pleasured under this

roof. If you cannot control yourself, leave!"

Of course I wasn't going to leave. I sputtered some form of apology but his

attention was already back to his ... son.

As his boy slowly but eagerly sucked his cockhead, the professor reached

over to the bedside shelf and picked up a small children's picture. He

opened it up to the first page and began reading.

"Once upon a time, there was a brave, little prince."

He pushed his cockhead deeper into the college boy's mouth.

"The prince's mother ruled over the largest forest in the lands."

One of his hands moved away from the book and rested on the massive,

bulging, smooth, brown pec of the college boy.

"One day, the prince decided to run away and explore the forest without any

of his royal guards."

He was turning the pages with his thumb as he held the book with one hand.

"The prince saw a beehive. He tried to get the honey, but he only got

stung."

He squeezed the boy's pec and pinched his nipple. Precum gushed out from

the boy's cock, as he moaned in pleasure.

"The prince saw a salmon jump up from a river. He tried to catch it, but he

only gulped down water."

He pushed his cock more than half way in. The boy gagged but the cock just

kept going.

"The prince saw a purple mushroom. He tried to eat it, but it only choked

him."

He put the book on the bed, to the side. He gripped the boy's head with

both hands and skullfucked his student until the gagging boy was frothing

at the mouth. For his part, the boy didn't seem to be opposed to it. He was

holding on to the professor's thighs for dear life, but it didn't look like

he was pushing him back.

The professor removed his cock from the boy's mouth. The boy sputtered and

gasped for breath, but then his mouth followed the cockhead's movement like

a snake being charmed by a snake charmer.

The professor removed his whole body off the bed. The boy turned over on to

his belly, got on all fours, and then moved to hold his ass close to the

edge of the bed, likely lined up with the professor's cock. He, and the

professor, were both facing me. The professor picked up the book again with

one hand while his other hand was out my sight, behind the boy's ass.

"Shall I continue the story, son?"

"Yes, please, Daddy!" he said.

"Mmm... maybe I don't want to continue the story..." His hand behind the

boy was moving very slowly, judging by the motion of his arms.

"But it's my favourite story!" the boy whined. "Please, please, pretty

please, Daddy, with cherry on top!"

"Hmmm... very well then. Let's see. And then the Prince met a white wolf."

His hips thrust forward and the Native American boy gasped.

"The wolf said to the prince, 'Hurry home, little boy, or you will soon get

eaten.'" His hips slowly pushed all the way forward until he must've been

fully in. The boy's eyes rolled back into his eyes in pleasure as he let

out a feral whine.

"The prince replied, 'But this is all my country and one day I will be

king!'" The boy breathed in deeply, adjusting to the cock.

"The white wolf felt pity for the prince, but his own hunger was

ravening. He pounced on the boy and ate all of him except his heart."

Dropping the book to the floor, the professor grabbed the athletic college

boy by his hips with both hands and began to fuck him in earnest. The boy

moaned in toe-curling ecstasy as his professor pounded him from

behind. Minutes went by as the pair mated in this position. I could see a

sheen of sweat on his back and on the professor's chest. They grunted and

moaned but no words were exchanged.

The boy started to breathe heavily. Both his hands clutched the sheets

around him. He let out one long whine and lowered his head to the bed. His

body twitched and jerked.

When his head rose up, I saw that there was cum on the sheets under his

belly.

The professor kept rutting. This hips slapping against the boy's ass over

and over.

And then the professor went rigid and still. All the veins in his muscles

seemed to bulge, but if he was breathing heavily, I couldn't tell.

Then he let out a deep breath, and pulled away from the boy. The boy looked

behind over his shoulder and said, "Thank you Daddy for the bedtime story

and for Daddy's nighttime milkies!" He got up, gave the professor a kiss on

the cheek, grabbed a towel from a dresser, and left the room. I heard the

sound of a shower start.

The professor had put on a bathrobe and he headed back down the stairs.

I knew I was to follow, but I just had to check one thing.

I bounded into the now empty room that smelled of sex. I found the

children's picture book and opened it to the page where the professor had

stopped. I read the words under my breath.

"The wolf took the Prince's heart to the Queen. Weeping, she took the heart

and placed it in a wicker puppet. For years after, the kingdom was ruled by

the wise but fragile wicker king, and for years after, the white wolf

continued devouring any boys that came his way. The End."

I flipped to the cover. "The Prince and the White Wolf" by Erik Erling. I

placed it back on the shelf along with many other similar titles. "The

Black Swan and the White Wolf" by Erik Erling. "The Lonely Dove and the

White Wolf" by Erik Erling.

I hastily left the room and walked back down the stairs.

[parfumieren]

Le Mâle et Ma Dame

Here's the thing: I really dig Jean-Paul Gaultier. I first came to admire him for his retrofabulous costumes for Jean-Pierre Jeunet's La Cité des Enfants Perdus; my admiration continued upon seeing the superfuturistic Gaultier ensembles featured in Luc Besson's The Fifth Element. I only seemed to be able to tolerate Madonna when she wore one of his marvelous, witty structured corsets. And I really liked Le Mâle.

A sassy licorice-lavender fougère with a pronounced top note of cinnamon Red Hots that comes in a bottle shaped like the rough-trade version of Schiaparelli Shocking? Hell yes! Many find the cartoon aesthetic of the ad campaign tacky or questionable, but I confess to loving those Tom-of-Finland-style sailors in their signature Gaultier striped tank tops and kiss-me pouts. Betty Boop reincarnated as a boy? Yes, please!

But truth be told, I wasn't really all too keen on Gaultier's subsequent choice of muse. Damned if I can tell you why Agyness Deyn got my goat. Perhaps it was that perpetually smug look on her face, like a cat that's found a jewel-thief-level strategy to get into the cream. Perhaps it was that ludicrous commercial for Ma Dame, in which Ms. Deyn rebelled against the heavy penalties of being a grossly overpaid and pampered top model by slicing at her hair and clothing with a pair of shears. Yawn.

So there I was, expecting Ma Dame to rear up out of the tester like a roller derby queen and hip-check me straight into next Tuesday. Instead, what did I get? I got pied, that's what. As in a pie in the face. A lemon meringue pie, to be exact-- soft, sweet, creamy, and knee-slap hilarious. I actually laughed as I wiped lemon filling out of my eyes. Why you little… I thought. Ahhhh, Jean-Paul. I can't stay mad at you.

Once I got down off my high horse (or rather, was knocked off it by this marvelous confection) I had to admit I loved being wrong. Or more to the point: I loved this fragrance for taking the piss out of me. It wasn't high art, or one hundred percent original, or even remotely serious about itself. It was simply FUN-- a scent meant to make you giggle, wriggle, dance, and play. (Why did I think it would be so standoffish, so aggro? Had I misread Agyness Deyn completely? If this fragrance was inspired by her, then make no mistake-- she's Pippi Longstocking and that's final.)

Ma Dame starts off all in-your-face lemon, which sounds like it could hurt-- but if you don't tense up before it hits you, it turns out to be a gooey-pudding pleasure. The lemon-herb-cake accord of Balenciaga Paris may be a minor homage, but the major difference is in the surprise note-- the "prestige" we'd call it if perfume could be spoken of as a magic trick. In Balenciaga Paris, it's a stainless-steel note, coldly glimmering in the background. But Ma Dame wants to say one word to you, just one word.

Are you listening?

Plastics.

When my sisters and I were kids, we shared an adorable see-through vinyl bubble umbrella with a lemon-yellow stripe around the bottom. The umbrella fit right down over you like a space capsule, but its transparency allowed for unimpeded vision as you walked through the rain. The sensations it offered were oddly juxtaposed, even mutually exclusive-- exposure and protection, confidence and concealment. Skipping down the street, you could see exactly where you were going. And if you ran into someone, it could only be on purpose… with mischief in mind.

Ma Dame smelled exactly like my childhood umbrella. Is it strange to love it so much for that?

It smelled like other things, too. On my hair, it smelled strongly of roses and geraniums. In the air around me, it smelled like stretch latex and petroleum jelly, slick and cheerful and synthetic. After an hour or so, an interesting rosemary scent began to thread its way through the latex, as did a high-and-dry vanilla-and-eggwhite meringue note. But it's the lemon-pie part that proved so compulsively sniffable-- softer than soft with just the right amount of edgy, kicky, cheerful garçonne attitude.

(It's only when you look up the scent elements and realize there's no lemon in this thing that your eyes get wide with wonder. There's no vinyl in it either-- but your senses, like mine, may tell you the exact opposite.)

Ma Dame (like its big brother Le Mâle, and like Eau Noire for Dior) was composed by Francis Kurkdjian. I'm beginning to believe this man is the Willy Wonka of fragrance. He exudes freshness, flippancy, childlike fun, a touch of danger, a love of the absurd, and the anarchic trappings of a first-class surrealist. (In fact, I'm waiting for the perfume in which the snozzberries really DO taste like snozzberries.)

Scent Elements: Mint, artemisia, bergamot, cardamom, lavender, orange blossom, cinnamon, cumin, sandalwood, vanilla, cedar, tonka bean, amber (Le Mâle); rose, orange, grenadine, musk, cedar (Ma Dame)

[stridingseer]

ELI YOU CANT JUST SAY YOU HAVE A PJO OC AND EXPECT ME TO NOT DEMAND MORE TIDBITS, SPILL pretty plssss

TECHNICALLY TECHNICALLY they weren't planned to be PJO OCs but I want Luke to have (2) older boyfriends so UH HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!

More below the cut:

Whiskey (Julius)

Ex-military operative (has lost one of his legs during combat, now he has a prosthetic and is retired (?)) and Asian (he refuses to say where his family is from)

Currently working in a tiny diner/cafe and takes the night shifts.

He has a knack for really dumb humour and will most likely take a single word from another person's mouth and spin it into a joke

Overall a seemingly nice/sweet person but at the same time he's an extremely proficient fighter. Has absolutely NO issues killing someone to achieve his goal. If they are in his way, they will go down. (what is his body count? probably in the triple digits)

Retired in the sense that he can get reactivated at any time because his contract sucks and so does the pension

Still uses his code name/alias of 'Whiskey' from back when he was still in service as a connection to his past. It is what people know him as.

Kill Them With Kindness aka free drinks and food (Luke has taken massive psychic damage)

Ironically despite being known as Whiskey, he doesn't drink. Really he's heard all of the jokes. Instead he's a decent cook, only for Chinese dishes though. Absolute snob over tea however, no sugar and no milk because he thinks it ruins the flavour.

His actual name is 'Julius [REDACTED]', last name is unknown and its heavily implied that he used to be married (to whom it is unknown). In fact he straight up doesn't talk about it. It's clearly a very sore spot.

actually left home once he turned 18 to join the force since there wasn't anything worth staying at home for (was it because he was queer or was it because he actually wanted to fight for something he believed in?)

Very Mortal, Incredibly So. Very aware of how fragile his life is, he just says he's lucky

Sees Viktor as Pain in my Ass (affectionate) and will roast the fuck out of him

Man is getting close to his 40s (he's actually 36 and he's not getting any younger; still a badass)

Viktor Shui

Technically also ex-military but he prefers 'ex-government', more likely to say that he didn't work under them as much as someone who was a tool for them. Technically he's gone rogue.

Mortal in a sense that you would call a robot technically mortal (I've said too much)

That being said, his alias during his service was simply 'Seven'. Was he the seventh member? The seventh version?

Beloved trans man who has absolutely NO fucks to give

Has NO records in any system and straight up feels like a guy who appeared from nowhere, disappeared and then came back. Very vague about his own background and history, certainly sounds like he never had a family which is... very iffy.

Casually unhinged, he will say the most batshit insane shit completely deadpan and you cannot tell if he's being serious. Like he hears that Luke tried to destroy New York and goes 'yeah buddy, me too.' Lays it on thick that he thinks Luke isn't as bad of a person as he thinks he is.

Jokingly starts calling Luke by 'boy scout' and it STICKS (goddammit old man)

Has a body count (only one case is known and he's killed a politician. Viktor feels bad about having to do it but also doesn't feel THAT bad about it)

"So you're a hitman?" "Anarchist actually."

Trying to reform the system if so someone help him for what he has gone through. No he will not talk about it willingly. Maybe do it when he's high on adrenaline or something.

Despite looking East Asian and knowing Mandarin... Viktor unfortunately cannot cook to save his life and lives off of coffee.

Exactly a decade over than Luke but younger than Whiskey by a few years. He only knows Whiskey because Whiskey makes coffee the way he likes it and he chills at the diner to get a degree of social interaction. Outside of the diner, he's just Awkward and Mean around people. It's very much his safe place to get away from his problems.

What's his relationship with Whiskey? Clearly, well, it seems that they're flirting to some degree. Or maybe they're already together, they don't even know themselves.

[hostilemuppet]

[admiringlove]

[20:22]

.

.

.

"tell me something," you say. the night is still young. there's a party going on in the background. but here you are, sprawled out in the backyard like a child trying to count the stars. your eyes stare up at the sky in buzzed concentration, and suna rintarō replies, "tell you what?"

you laugh. it's actually not even a laugh, it sounds more like an airy "hmph". the boy next to you raises his eyebrow, as if criticizing you, but you know he means no wrong.

"anything," you pause, "i would like to hear quite literally just, anything."

"huh," he says, clearly amused by your reply, "alright. does this need to be serious, funny, or just borderline stupid?"

"you pick," you mumble, still not meeting his gaze, but choosing to stare at the dark clouds instead. he thinks about it for a moment. should he tell you about how scared he is about going to college? or about how he has a video of atsumu falling down the stairs on his bum? or how he recorded a video of osamu trying to pet a cat but it bit him instead?

should he tell you about how his heart flutters whenever he thinks about you? his mind wavers for a second, before he shakes his head and says, "college scares the fuck out of me. i don't wanna leave hyogo."

you hum, "my turn. one time when i was a kid, i broke my mom's favorite lamp. and then i blamed it on my dad. turns out that was the most expensive thing in our house."

suna laughs at your immature confession, "out of all the things you could have said, why that?"

you smile. the middle blocker reckons it's not a happy or a sad smile. just a bucolic smile filled with some sort of mysterious melancholy that he couldn't put his finger on.

"i have never told anyone that before," you murmur, "it's one of my biggest secrets."

he raises an eyebrow again. but this time in curiosity, "secret, huh? okay, i'll give you one. uh, i have this crush. and i don't know how to tell them i love them without it being completely sappy and borderline depressing."

you smile knowingly this time. suna can tell. this is your "all-knowing" smile. you only do it this way when you can pin-point who or what exactly he's talking about.

"pretty sure they love you too," you demurely nod towards him, "what's there not to love?"

"a lot," he looks away now, seemingly interested in the sky, "there's a lot not to love."

"is there? i don't think so," you reply almost immediately. his eyes widen when he hears you getting up from your spot. he turns to look at you, and you're sitting with your legs in the criss-cross position. you're still looking at the sky, even though he knows you've stolen glances at him.

"what you think and what i think are very different," he mumbled to himself, sipping from his cup, "anyways, your turn."

you're standing up now, and you ruffle his hair lightly from your spot. he revels in it, letting out a small hum as you say, "i love you too, rintarō. and in my eyes, you're nothing less than perfect."

his eyes open, immediately trying to take a good look at you. but you're walking away, now. and no, you aren't walking into the house where drunk teenagers sing and dance and puke their guts out into the toilet when they feel sick. you're walking towards your car.

he realizes what had just happened when you start to pull out of the driveway.

i don't know how to tell them i love them without it being completely sappy and borderline depressing.

his legs walk towards you. no, he runs. because even if it's bittersweet, he still wants to hold your hands as the two of you talk about anything or everything in between. he knows you're walking away because you don't want this confession to be wistful—but to hell with that, because if suna rintarō lets you walk away this time, he's going to regret it for the rest of his life.

"wait!" he yells, "please, just wait!"

your eyes widen from the driver's seat. and he watches as you stop the car right in front of him. he stands there, looking at your face through the glass as he pants.

you're blinking profusely before you step out of the car, staring back at him in worried confusion. he sighs, "god- fuck, i don't want it to happen this way."

"then how do you want it?" you tilt your head. you're still not near him. you're standing near the door of your car, and he's standing directly in front of it as he looks at you with compassion, hope and a million other feelings altogether bundled up into his irises.

"i want us," he says quietly, "i want you and me. i want to hold your hand and caress your hair and kiss your stupid lips that talk in weird puzzles because you don't like to talk about your feelings openly. i want to hold you when you cry and lay with you in bed. and i want to be there when you're happy because your smile makes me feel like the luckiest person in the fucking world."

you smile. and he can tell it's a sad one this time.

"but rin," your voice cracks, "you and i aren't meant to be together at all. i'm a nobody. i'm leaving for college in a week. i'll be in osaka, and you'll be in tokyo."

"i know," he says, "we can make it work."

he hopes.

"can we?" you raise an eyebrow, "you don't know that!"

"goddamn it, just say yes!" he yells, "i love you and i can't do puzzles anymore! just let me love you, okay? we can do it if we try."

a few years escape your eyes, before you laugh dryly, "since when are you so optimistic?"

"since i met your dumbass," he replies within a heartbeat, "come here."

even though suna's the one that said it, he's the one that walks closer to you. he's the one that puts his arms around your waist and pulls you close to him, wrapping himself around you. he kisses the top of your head as you slowly press your ear against his shoulder, leaning against him.

"i love you," he mumbles quietly.

hearing the notoriously stoic boy say that made your heart flutter. whilst hiding your blush against his shirt, you let out a muffled, "i love you too."

and suna rintarō smiles. this time, genuinely—he looks up at the night sky again, stars clear against the dark velvety blanket as the moon shines bright. then he looks down at you, and thinks that everything will be okay. even if it means that for the next few years you're going to be out of his reach, he's going to call you every waking moment of every night because your voice has that weird effect on him. he's going to come all the way to osaka on a train even though the uncomfy chairs hurt his back and make it feel like he has arthritis. just because his eyes beg to see your face.

and he'll do it all. even though you're going to be a thousand miles away, he'll love you with the same intensity.

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