Loser, Bambi
A radiostar/radioapple/duckiedeer rewrite of loser, baby (as an aroace myself, this is platonic, I think it'd be hilarious to their dynamic) (set after the finale, and let my delusional heart believe alastor cares deep deep deep down)
Lucifer: So things look bad and your back's against the wall
Your whole existence hangs in the balance
You're feeling panicked like you heard the hunter's call
Can't face the world without you malice
You've lost your way, your reputations wrecked
Well me just say, (scoffing) what'd you expect?
Alastor: Excuse me?
Lucifer: You're a loser, bambi
A loser goddamn baby
You're a fucked up little whiny bitch
Alastor: Now listen here
Lucifer: You're a loser, unlike me
Alastor: What a surprise
Lucifer: You've amused hell's ruler
If only your shtick was newer
You're an overlord gone overboard
But you've got company
Alastor: *staticy boo track*
Lucifer: There was a time I thought no one could relate
To the holy things that I cant let go
But lettin' walls down, it can sometimes set you straight!
Can't let the hotels progress plateau
Alastor: I must admit, that I seem to've grown to care
Lucifer: You aren't the only one with his soul bare
Get outta here man
We're both losers, bambi
We're losers, it's okay to be a-
Alastor: Psychopathic radio?
Lucifer (out of tune with the song): eeughhhhh…
Alastor: *snickers*
Alastor: I'm a loser deary
To admit it is quite dreary
But at least I know I'm not alone
Lucifer: You're a loser
Both: Just like me
*tune change*
Lucifer: I've got a habit of creation
Alastor: I've got a knack for devastation, of every lowly sinner I can find
Lucifer: You know what Charlie thinks of that, come on
Alastor: I helped fulfil all of her dreaming
Lucifer: I'm making sure I'm never leaving
Now that I'm back in her life
Both: I will protect her from all ill meaning
Alastor: You're a loser, Luci
Lucifer: A loser, but just maybe if we
Both: Eat shit together, things will end up differently
Lucifer: It's time to lose some of that loathin'
Lower your mask, let hope in, bambi
Play your card, be who you are
Both: A loser, just like-
Charlie: There they are! They're fucking singing???
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