#currently running around as Toga in all my games and I have literally never been happier

[deadwhispering]

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 325: Deku VS the Outside of U.A. ~Conclusion~

Previously on BnHA: Ochako was all “dear bloodthirsty mob, this kid you see standing before you has fought harder than anyone and put his life on the line to protect you all, so please chill the fuck out, jesus christ. like, putting aside that he’s humanity’s best hope and so it’s very much in your best interests to let him rest and recover someplace safe so that he can keep fighting for us, are y’all seriously going to turn away an injured and exhausted child in front of his sobbing mother?? seriously?? come on now.” I’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically how it went down. Anyway so then the mob was all, “...” and Deku collapsed to his knees in tears, and Gigantic Fox Lady and Kouta ran over to give him a hug but then the chapter ended.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “FINE, YOU CAN HUG HIM”, which, was that so hard?? The U.A. Clown Mob is all “come to think of it, we’ve kind of been taking the heroes for granted this entire time, maybe we should be less passive in the future. anyway so Deku if it’s not too much to ask, can you please save everyone and fix everything.” Deku is all “I sure can, and by the way I forgive you for swarming around all menacingly two minutes ago and trying to deny me basic shelter and stuff.” Ectoplasm is all, “hey Todogang get a load of this. [walks in a circle].” Hawks is all, “that’s literally the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rat Principal is all, “anyway so that’s what your students did today, hope you’re enjoying your new *~*ROBOT LEG*~*, Aizawa.” Aizawa is all “[lots of exposition about Kurogiri and for some reason, Toga, while being all brooding and sexy].” All Might is all “[standing here right outside of U.A. doing absolutely nothing and being foreboding AF]” and that immediately sucked away all of the warm fuzzy feelings from the hugs, goddammit.

each new week has become a waiting game of “when will Deku finally get to take a bath so people will actually be willing to go near him and give him the hugs he deserves.” the stakes have never been so compelling. I’ve almost forgotten about AFO entirely

lmaoooooo

me: for the love of god will someone please give Deku a hug before I die of old age

Mineta: YOU GOT IT!! --

Iida: [SWIFTLY CUTS HIM OFF] NOT YOU

fucking losing it at Mineta’s crying face. he really wanted to hug him. I legit feel bad but this is also the funniest thing I have seen all week, omg

somehow Kouta, who last week was only a hand’s breadth away from touching Deku’s head, is now twenty miles away from him in this new chapter

can I make a Loki reference here. is this recap a good place to insert a joke about someone using a TVA time-rewinding device to fuck with my poor boy Kouta over here. well anyway there it is

AND NOW HE’S BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN OMG

(ETA: since when is he “niichan” omg?? can’t handle this cuteness.)

BUT THEY’RE STILL NOT HUGGING HIM FFFFKFFFFF. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO. WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE AND/OR BLACKMAIL

OH NO KOUTA IS CRYING THAT’S IT I’M DONE FOR

“when I heard that lady I knew that I had to go, but then stop again within inches of actually touching you because you smell like week-old rotten onions.” listen Kouta, I’m not saying I don’t get it, but you all can’t keep doing this to me. it’s the way you guys keep teasing it. like, if you’re gonna hug him, hug him. don’t just stand there with your arms held rigidly out in front of you like a molded action figure

OH MY GOSH BUT HE SAID THE THING

KOUTA SWOOPING IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR FIXING DEKU LIKE THAT ONE KID IN THE GROUP PROJECT WHO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT STILL TAGS HIS NAME ONTO THE REPORT ANYWAY, WHAT A KNAVE

GASP

(  ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

SHE PICKED HIM UP LIKE A LITTLE BABY OMG?? she just leaned right over and lifted this child like he was a small animal. like a lil baby futon that she was about to hang up to dry. oh my god

-- HEY WHAT

(: well that’s extremely fucked up. though sadly not too surprising given what we just saw these past couple chapters

incidentally, I hope that anyone who was legitimately defending the civilians’ perspective earlier takes note here of how quickly that line of thinking -- “we’re just trying to keep our families safe” and all that-- can lead to straight up bigotry. if you’re willing to deny a child shelter and protection simply because he’s not YOUR child, and because you’ve decided based on Internet rumors (no real-world parallels there, I’m sure) that he might present a threat, it’s really not that much further of a leap to discriminating against entire groups of people simply because you perceive those groups as being dangerous. I’m sure the people who turned Gigantic Fox Lady away also told themselves afterwards that they did it to protect their families. “better safe than sorry.” “she’ll be fine, someone will take her in, but as for us, we can’t afford to take that risk.” people can come up with all kinds of justifications for treating other people as less than human, and the really scary thing about it is how fucking easy it is

one last quick side note, which is that Horikoshi does a great job here of showing how scapegoating works, given that AFO is the one who’s really to blame and who presents the actual threat, and yet Deku is the one who ultimately winds up being the target of the mob’s fear and outrage despite him being as much of a victim as they are. gotta love that irony, which unfortunately plays out far too often in the real world as well.

anyway I’ll get off my soapbox now, sorry about that. let us continue

YES, FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!

AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW GIGANTIC FOX LADY BECAME THE GREATEST HERO. PACK IT ALL UP, WE’RE DONE HERE KIDS

holy shit. the real MVP right there. thanks for getting it done champ

jesus christ I have had it up to here with these people

literally the bar is set so low at this point that I’ll go ahead and take it. helping him because it offers them a tactical advantage is at least one step up from not helping him at all

“WHY NOT SHIKETSU” MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

-- thank you!!

okay this one guy with the antennae hair is having himself a character development speedrun here

-- okay, but this part?? fucking this part, right here??

can we repeat that again?? the part where this guy acknowledges that the problems of hero society were caused not just by said heroes, but also by said society?? the part where he acknowledges that they treated the heroes like celebrities who were putting on a show for them?? the part where he acknowledges that when push came to shove, the vast majority of those heroes, when faced with a situation that offered no reward, were nonetheless willing to put their lives on the line to protect the very same people who then turned around and blamed them rather than thanking them?? are the civilians of BnHA even allowed to have actual deep thoughts about this stuff. holy shit

bro!!

ANTENNAE HAIR GUY SHOVING KOUTA AND GIGANTIC FOX LADY OUT OF THE WAY TO SLAP HIS NAME ONTO THE END CREDITS AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. CONGRATULATIONS SON YOU FIGURED OUT THE CORE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION AT THE VERY HEART OF THE MANGA. WAY TO GO BUD

meanwhile, on today’s episode of “one more chapter to go till the big volume cliffhanger, how else can I drag things out let’s see”

it’s a panel. of people’s feet. just a bunch of normal feet. with sneakers and shit

this All Might shirt guy is getting more screentime in this arc than 90% of the class 1-A kids

I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for this dude now that he’s all “if we let you stay here do you promise to somehow magically fix every single problem that we are now currently facing?” those are some ridiculously exacting standards my dude. come on now

KACCHAN SIGHTING

thank fuck I’m not the only one who’s thoroughly unimpressed by absolutely all of this lol. I feel better now. meanwhile Iida and Kouda and Kiri are ready to run over there and hug them all. you guys are way too forgiving. damn you and your pure hearts

anyway so Deku’s like “yeah, definitely”

(ETA: almost forgot to comment on the “I’m no longer alone” part – he basically corrects the guy and says “sorry, but you’ll need to direct that question towards all of us, not just me, because moving forward we’re a team.” good stuff.)

you know what though, all joking aside... fuck yeah. because perfect victory, right. the strongest guys don’t settle for anything less. so I guess Deku has pretty exacting standards himself

also can you all just take a look at this fucking kid who’s got so much light in his eyes now that I’m gonna need eclipse goggles. hot damn. “you’re welcome” says All Might Shirt Guy as he is frantically interviewed by several local news networks asking him how he daringly managed to save Deku all by himself. “well I guess I’ve just never been the kind of guy who can sit back and let a bunch of rabble-rousers blame a little kid for all of humanity’s problems. someone had to step in and take action, you know?”

oH MY GOD THE SCENE IS FINALLY ENDING

don’t let the door hit you on your way out All Might Shirt Guy

but meanwhile, sudden Tododrama action??

oh shit

there are honestly so many ways in which Ochako’s very moving speech could have wildly backfired that I genuinely have no clue where this is headed lol. how exciting!!

so now Horikoshi is once again stalling for time with random filler panels, but this one is 10x better than the shoes lol omg

(1) was Ectoplasm’s jacket always this oversized. (2) did you guys know that if you go back to chapter 319 you can see that Horikoshi gave us a sneak peak at Enji’s Sad Detective disguise and I in fact made a joke about it in the 319 recap not realizing it was actually the stone cold truth. (3) did Shouto deliberately speed up out of impatience because Hawks was walking so fucking slow and he couldn’t take it any longer. (4) and what, I ask you, is up with these dramatic speedlines. so many mysteries here. what a masterpiece

everyone is acting all shocked about something ahh what’s going on

wait what

what the heck. did they just loop around behind everyone. what was the point of that lol. “anyway, so this is what they look like from the back” well okay, thanks for that Ectoplasm

(ETA: so it seems like they were actually hanging out someplace else away from the crowd this whole time, I guess? here I thought they had more faith in Enji’s disguise. I guess Shouto and Hawks don’t particularly want to attract this crowd’s attention themselves right now either, though.)

I am so fucking confused lmao

speaking of All Might WHERE THE FUCK IS HE lol. but yes, good, OFA brings everyone together, and Hawks is very deeply moved about this out of the blue all of a sudden. you know how it is

aw heck yeah now this is another filler panel I can get behind

Mineta really wants that hug, good lord. I genuinely love this actually. Mineta if you could just stay little and cute and keep crying about how much you love your classmates in a non-gross way for the rest of the series I would be so appreciative. you’re doing great

IIDA IS HOLDING DEKU’S HAND THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ONE TIME WASN’T ENOUGH FOR MY MAN HE’S ADDICTED NOW

what did I tell you. Kiri wants to get all of the mob’s autographs now. Kiri you’re a peach

Shouji having a conversation with another mutant type is a very nice touch! we really need to get to his backstory soon. I feel like that casual remark from GFL earlier was kind of hinting at more to come

is this the first time we’ve ever seen the Yaoyorictionary in action?? never forget that Viz tried to call it the “Yaoyorozu Reference Book” because they hate fun

last but not least, KAMIBAKU IS BACK ON THE MENU, FUCK YEAH. Kaminari trying to spice things up and introduce a little bit of controversy by smacking Kacchan on the back of the head for god knows what. I will be deeply disappointed after this if I can’t find at least one person unironically declaring that KamiBaku is now toxic and abusive

lfkdlWLWK TODODRAMA??

oh my god. Shouto’s face. Enji’s face. the back to “oyaji” again. the blunt, not-taking-no-for-an-answer, “I don’t know how much louder the universe can scream at you that doing things alone is not it, so hopefully you got the point” directness of it. fffdlkslj I’m so ready for this Horikoshi please don’t fuck it up my expectations are so high

HOLY FUCK

I SCROLLED DOWN AND HE WAS ALL “( ❛‿❛)” AND I JUST WASN’T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT OKAY. JESUS CHRIST. GIVE ME A SEC

lol okay moment over and now Enji’s pulling his hat down all dramatically like a world-weary Cowboy

OH MY GOD WERE YOU FACETIMING??

AHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: not to put Iida down or anything, but it’s kind of strange that Aizawa is all “the class rep sure did great” when Ochako is the one that was giving that whole big speech for like twenty minutes just now lol.)

(ETA 2: “thank god Iida stepped in just in the nick of time to keep Mineta from hugging Deku.” sorry Mineta I really do like you lately but it’s still low-hanging fruit lol.)

HE LOOKS SO SAD??! HE LOOKS LIKE HEARTBREAK ITSELF??! I AM BESOUGHT WITH THE URGE TO REACH INTO MY SCREEN AND PULL HIM INTO THE SAFETY OF MY ARMS??? MY GOD, AND I THOUGHT DEKU NEEDED HUGS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I was gonna just hold down the letter H for a full minute and count it out loud but within about ten seconds I realized I needed to chill lol

-- but then again NO, I DON’T NEED TO CHILL, I HAVE ZERO CHILL, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IT’S AIZAWA WITH A ROBOT LEG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

COMPLETE WITH ROBOT TOES FOR THAT EXTRA TOUCH OF AUTHENTICITY!! I LIKE HOW HORIKOSHI PUT ALL THIS EXTRA “!!!” EMPHASIS AROUND IT IN CASE WE COULD SOMEHOW POSSIBLY FAIL TO TAKE NOTICE. “REMEMBER, EVERYONE?” SAYS HORIKOSHI HELPFULLY. “REMEMBER THAT TIME AIZAWA CHOPPED OFF HIS OWN LEG?” oh wow now that you mention it we somehow forgot all about that. like who do you take us for

OH NO NOT THE SAD BOYFRIEND ANGST THAT I WAS SECRETLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH GLEE

well at least he’s not M.I.A. or back with the villains again like I thought he might be. still, that’s gotta be brutal to know your friend is in there somewhere, but to not be able to reach him again no matter how hard you try. that’s the kind of angst that pays off in final battles just when you most expect it. such is my hope, at any rate

what’s this now??

trying to decide if this is Horikoshi’s way of saying don’t worry about that, or his way of saying definitely worry about that lol

anyway so Aizawa is out here being all irresponsibly handsome once again. when is someone going to do something about him

here for Sexy Robot Leg Eyepatch Aizawa clenching his fists and making speeches about revenge. pretty sure we’re all here for that

WELL, WELL, WELL

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME

I’M VERY GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE AND SEEMINGLY WELL, THOUGH!

BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOUGH, ALL MIGHT

ffff. bracing myself for that cliffhanger next week. you’d better not touch one hair on this man’s head Horikoshi. I’m watching you 

[arvandus]

Hello! Happy 750!!! So I have this OC with a singing quirk. She’s basically like Giselle from enchanted where she can control the people and animals and occasionally plants and wind with just her voice. However she processes everything around her as music so it’s constantly playing in her head and gives her severe insomnia. She’s also a member of the LOV so I was wondering what her interactions with each of the members would be like but mostly Dabi. Would they find her annoying or fun? Up to you

Thank you! It took me a little bit to dwell on this one, because the idea is so interesting! But I finally got hit by the Inspiration Imagination, and here we are! I hope you like it; I've adjusted it to x Reader per your request, and I hope you don't mind I took just a little bit of creative license for the Reader's perspective and how to describe her quirk.  I also kept it very Dabi-focused in the interest of time.

Dabi x F!Reader w/ a singing quirk (SFW)

💙 It would be a rocky start at first. Dabi would have difficulty trusting you, simply because your quirk is so powerful. Anything that could potentially take away his free will would make him mistrustful and want to avoid said threat like the plague - or remove it entirely.

💙 But Shigaraki says you’re off limits, so he settles to keep you at arms length while at the same time keeping a close watch on you. One wrong slip, and he’ll handle you himself (or so he tells himself).

💙 He also mistrusts you because… well… as a fellow insomniac, he knows that you’re up at all hours of the night. He’s not sure why, of course… he never knocks on your door to ask. But he hears you shuffling around in your space, pacing in your room. What could possibly keep you up so late every single night? What’s got you looking so exhausted every day as if you never sleep? He’s convinced that you’re a spy, somehow sending messages to their enemies when everyone is asleep. Except he never hears you leave your room. Never hears you talking to anyone. So there must be something he’s missing.

💙 You’re an enigma to him, and it drives him crazy. Dabi doesn’t like unknowns.

💙 On your end, Dabi drives you nuts. He’s an asshole, every word that falls from his mouth laced in backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive accusations. You’d come close to using your quirk on him on many occasions, just to make him shut up or leave the room. Fortunately for Dabi, you have a personal code of honor that you abide by, and controlling people through your singing is only reserved for your enemies.

💙 He’s not your enemy… not yet at least.

💙 You know why he doesn’t trust you, and you don’t blame him… and he's certainly not the first person to be suspicious of you. But does he really gotta be such a dick about it? You try to be upfront with him, to explain that you live by a code and he’s safe from your quirk, but it makes little difference. Dabi doesn’t trust easily, and promises mean very little to him.

💙 His trust is finally gained when you use your quirk to save him and the other league members from certain death. There’s nothing quite like the sensation of hearing the beautiful notes of your voice while in freefall and then feeling himself being caught on a strong wind current, only to be set safely on the ground seventy meters below.

💙 After that happens, he begins to take an even greater interest in you, but this time with more curiosity and less mistrust.

💙 He starts poking and prodding, some questions being asked directly, while others are only implied. After all, he loves his little mind games, and even more so, he loves getting under your skin, especially since you refuse to use your quirk on him. It’s basically given him a ‘get out of jail free’ card for being a brat.

💙 He really, really wants you to prank the others using your quirk. And your little miss “I’m a good girl with a special code of ethics” makes the game that much sweeter. After all, you’re just as much a villain as the rest of them. If Toga can go around swinging her knives from her fingertips, then why couldn’t you sing a little song now and then?

💙 But Dabi quickly learns that you’re just as stubborn as he is, if not more so.

💙 Even so, it’s frustrating for you because if it were anyone else you wouldn’t have put up with this level of bullshit. The persuasion, the flirting, the school-yard level dares… the man has no shame and tries every tactic in the book to try to get what he wants from you. What makes it even worse is that a secret part of you enjoys his mischief. His ideas are tempting sometimes. Especially when the other league members annoy you.

💙 On top of all that, he is strangely alluring, even with his scars. And more importantly, the ‘song’ his body gives off is, well, a pleasant one to say the least.

💙 Every person has a ‘musical aura’ more or less, a small symphony of heartbeats, breaths, and something more… ephemeral. It comes through in the way they move through the environment, in the way the air particles are displaced around them and vibrate with their energy.

💙 And for some reason Dabi’s song is practically intoxicating, just like his sharp blue eyes that always seem to pin you down, heavy lids held up by a cocky smirk.

💙 The two of you reach an impasse in your battle of wills, an unspoken stand-off that never wanes. And it’s upon this competitive dance that the two of you begin to build some strange sense of camaraderie.

💙 He’ll eventually give up on his desire for pranking his comrades when he sees you use your quirk on heroes. But not just any hero, of course…

💙 Imagine Dabi’s glee when you use your song quirk to make Endeavor literally dance as the large man’s face flushes red with rage. It was intended to keep him busy while the League made their escape. But it makes it all over the news of course, and becomes viral online for months. The laughter that the two of you share when you get back to the hideout lasts for hours as you watch the news replay the scene over and over it. It really never gets old.

💙 Oh man, does he like you even more now. You’re his new favorite person. And he finally stops harassing you about using your quirk on the League members, instead finding much greater enjoyment in targeting different heroes together.

💙 There will come a time that he’ll catch you on one of your many insomnia-induced nights. It’s a hard one, sleep being kept at bay by the musical cacophony surrounding you, despite your obvious exhaustion. Your strength finally shatters, and you break down into tears in your room in frustration.

💙 Guess who ends up knocking on your door?

💙 Of course Dabi heard you. For months he’s been listening to the pacing of your feet or your frustrated sighs through the thin, old walls. It’s almost become a lullaby to him by this point, a way for him to know that you’re safe and sound… more or less.

💙 “What’s wrong, doll?” he’ll ask, as he stares down at your tear-streaked face. “I can hear ya through the walls, so don’t gimme any of your bullshit excuses.” Anyone else would hear the mockery in his voice, but for you with your quirk, you can hear the song of caring weaved through them, a hidden secret that you’re sure even he doesn’t realize is there.

💙 He won’t wait for an answer as he enters your personal space and makes himself comfortable.

💙 His sudden presence and that comforting familiar song it brings with it soothes more than you’d like to admit.

💙 But you do admit it. You admit to everything. The fatigue you feel, the way your quirk makes you suffer, and how for some reason, the song of him puts you at ease, drowning out the other noise. It’s like your inner radio is tuned just for him. Normally you wouldn’t admit to any of this of course, but you’re well past the point of exhaustion now, and your brain isn’t running as smoothly as it normally would. So what did it matter if you told him everything? You really didn’t have the strength to care anymore.

💙 “Your quirk is fuckin’ weird.” he admits. Then a grin will spread across his face. “You like my ‘song,’ huh? C’mere.”

💙 He’ll have you lay down with him on your bed and hold you close to him, your head on his chest as he rests his chin in your hair. “Does it help?” he’ll ask.

💙 Shockingly, it does. His music surrounds you, and you close your eyes as you let it cover you like a warm blanket. Everything else seems to fall to the wayside, your tired brain only able to focus on one melody - his. Before you can even nod in response, you’re fast asleep.

💙 It’ll become a habit for you two now… On particularly hard nights, he’ll keep you company and hold you. And maybe… maybe he’ll start letting you keep him company when he has hard nights too.

[fluffyblaire]

heroes & villains hunger games

I tossed a bunch of pro heroes and villains in to a Hunger Games simulator and I cannot believe how wild (and frighteningly perfect) it turned out. Place your bets, people, you don’t want to miss this!!! ╰(✧∇✧)╯

No explicit manga spoilers but if you’ve read the manga, I think you’ll find this extra entertaining.

Let me walk you through the highlights! 

Cornucopia Bloodbath:

Mister Compress takes the first kill!!!

I dunno about you but this picture of Dabi with this caption actually scared me a little bit. At least it’s not Toga ^_^

OOF—

━(◯Δ◯∥)━ン ...

But—but I purposely put Gentle and La Brava together in District 12 because they’re like star-crossed lovers in canon... and Gentle really did THAT smh. 

Day 1:

BJ avenged Hawks’ nose so FAST THO

The mental image of this one was too much ^^^

Did these two in succession make you choke the way it made me choke? Betrayals all around and only on the first day!

This is a pretty cool squad, but watch out for Gentle. He’s about to go on a rampage.

Day 2:

Okay, Shiggy is pretty evil here but wait for it...

GENTLE OH MY GOD stay tuned lmao this man ain’t thru yet

There’s something so anticlimactic and depressing about this RIP Toga

PFFFFFTTT—

In all my experience with the Hunger Games simulator, I have never seen a character turn out as violent and wicked as Gentle is turning out. I MEAN—the dude is not only leading in kills, but all his kills are brutal... His district mate La Brava, Ryukyu after she spared him, and now Miss Joke with a goddamn hatchet;;;;;;

Aww that’s cute... until I remembered Shigaraki forced Fatgum to choose between killing Kamui Woods or Present Mic eariler *sigh* poor Fatgum, he is not having a good time 😔

Day 3:

For those of you here for Kai, I just wanna let you know that this is all your man does throughout the entire game

Fatgum is having a TERRIBLE TIME

Aww;; poor guy, it’s been 3 days I hope his nose is getting better

Day 3 was surprisingly quiet huh? :3

Day 4:

And now back to our regularly scheduled bloodshed!

Overhaul stans come collect your man

Shiggy isn’t doing so good

In true soulmate fashion, Eraser Head and Present Mic die literally right after one another. 

Also, Gentle has 4 kills now, he got rid of almost 20% of his competition by himself, someone stop this madman!!! OAO

Day 5:

Our honorary participation award goes to Dabi who’s greatest highlight was acquiring throwing knives on the first day

Here is the status of every tribute currently by the way. Things to note:

Gentle and Fatgum somehow have the same number of kills, Fatgum really snapped these last couple of days huh? Midnight is also sneaking up on them with that kill count.

Overhaul, Hawks, Gang Orca, and Shigaraki have somehow managed to stay alive while also not killing anybody. Impressive!

Only Districts 10 and 2 still have both tributes left, will one of them be the winner????

Noooo;;;; why is he getting all the angst events?? That throw-down with Wash for the bread basket was literally the most action Hawks has seen this entire game so far.

You bet this man is really going for it. If this was a movie, Gentle would be the overpowered menace of a final boss at the end (think Cato from the actual hunger games)

Day 6:

Listen, I love Gang Orca but I have no idea where he’s been this entire game.

Wow, Fatgum and Shiggy’s storyline together was wild. 

JESUS MIDNIGHT SHES THE DARK HORSE I NEVER SAW COMING 

Finally Gentle’s rampage has come to an end just like that. A tragic death for a tragic evil man. I’d say he was the principal villain of this game, but Midnight might be stepping up to take his place.

At this point only Midnight, Hawks, Overhaul, and Mister Compress are alive. Hawks and Overhaul both haven’t killed anyone—

PLEASE the dumbass energy from Overhaul this entire game has been just *chef’s kiss*

!!! Hawks really bided his time until the end, and he’s finally moving! Hawks took out Midnight while she tried to run—hold up... that sounds familiar—

Day 7:

... O_O

HE—

You’re telling me the man who had his nose broken by a washing machine on the first day and then who basically hid the entire game crying himself to sleep with nightmares ended up winning...?

WELL HAWKS IS ONE OF MY FAVES SO WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN ¯\_(OuO)_/¯

Listen, I don’t know how smart this simulator is with writing an actual story, but damn we have some good narratives here especially with the top 5:

Winner Hawks: Injured on the first day making him an underdog, kept his hands clean almost the entire time while racking up angst points, emerged at the last minute when almost everyone else was dead and personally took out his last 2 opponents to win

2nd Place Mister Compress: Did one thing at the beginning and never did anything again just like in canon Got the first kill, got no more kills, and actually lasted until the very end. It’s poetic as shit: this game began with his kill and ended with his death.

3rd Place Midnight: A dangerous woman no one saw coming and who quietly climbed the way to victory while being overshadowed by Gentle.

4th Place Overhaul: Did wholesome things the entire time and not harming anyone with no one harming him either, but the one time he tries to harm someone, it backfires and he dies. Can we get an F in the chat for this man?

5th Place Gentle: Captivating tribute right from the start. His ambition and savagery held me the nation transfixed! And he was doing great for a while before his glory eventually fizzled out in a quiet slow death. 

Tuturu~ You’ve reached the end, hope you enjoyed this mess and thank you for reading! 😊    

[365daysoftododeku]

2nd August 2019

Author: Kenyoda

Admin’s Note: Another oneshot of @ebonyphd​‘s Internet Friends AU! You can read the rest of the series over here!

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Unexpected Friends

Shouto had known that this was a bad idea from the moment Natsuo had suggested it. But he was too shy to actually ask Midoriya out on his own, so he leaped at the rather neat solution that his brother had offered at the time. His current partner - a guy this time - had been dying to meet Shouto. Natsuo claimed that Tenko was also a high nerd and that he and Shouto would get along like a house on fire. 

Shouto was unconvinced. 

The last partner his brother had was a snobby ableist that had also been “dying” to meet Shouto. They had spent the whole date “lamenting” over Shouto’s “misfortune.” They had no idea he could read lips. He had spent the whole time fuming: he was deaf, not dying. They were also super rude to Natsuo. He was quite glad when Natsuo dumped them. 

Natsuo had suggested that Shouto and Izuku tag along on his date with his boyfriend to see a movie. That way, if things went well, Shouto could ask him on a real date. Shouto had reluctantly agreed, pretty much because he had no idea what to do otherwise. So here he was now, waiting for Izuku and this ‘Tenko’ to show up. When Tenko made an appearance with a blonde girl that looked like she walked out of a vampire manga, all of Shouto’s alarm bells rang at once. 

He, presumably, was dressed in black from literally head to toe. If he did not know any better, Shouto would swear the open jacket they were wearing was from Empire Souls, specifically from Company XIII, one of the main antagonists of the game. Under that there was a black t-shirt with red lettering that said,

                                The Number of FXXXs I give today: 

                                                            0

houto internally snorted at that. This was Natsuo’s boyfriend, huh? This was completely different than his usual dates. They were usually somewhat intelligent, sociable, but ultimately shallow. This guy screamed anti-social. As the two approached, Natsuo grinned. The hood of the jacket was thrown back, revealing white hair and red eyes. A devious smirk was etched into his face, but his eyes softened when they landed on his brother. 

“Hey Nats!” greeted the blonde as they came to stand before them. Tenko just gave a halfhearted wave and mumbled something. Natsuo did not seem to be offended - in fact he smiled wider.

“Hey Tenko! Glad to see you made it! How did the competition go?” Natsuo asked as he stepped forward and hugged the shorter man. Shouto blinked in surprise when he hugged him back.

“Good,” was the only thing Shouto could make out from the angle. Suddenly, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find a bright Izuku bouncing next to him. Shouto couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his face. He hugged his friend tightly, Izuku doing the same. It had been nearly 2 years since the two had become friends. They were both in high school, Shouto attending a school for the deaf and blind and Izuku one closer to his home. But they met often at each other’s homes, and they spoke all the time on Unplug. Izuku beamed at him again. Shouto’s heart jolted in response. He had also been pathetically crushing on him for the last year.  

Shouto had tried on numerous occasions to tell his friend, but he always lost his nerve at the last minute. What could he offer Izuku? He couldn’t hear him - sure, Izuku never minded that he had to sign when they were together, but he could not expect him to want to do that forever, right? Izuku was clearly popular among his peers, and becoming more popular since his friends encouraged him to start the HeroTube channel to supplement his forum ramblings. He had seen personally that his friend was pleasant and attractive, especially after he bulked up to do a Valor cosplay. Izuku discovered that he loved working out and that Uraraka did too, so they continued. Sometimes Shouto would join them on runs. 

Shouto had little to offer in return, so the thought of admitting his crush was a little daunting. Both his siblings had been insisting that he at least attempt to talk to Izuku about it but Shouto refused. He didn’t want to lose the easy friendship he had with the other boy. Izuku was currently rambling to him about some post he found regarding a potential TV serialization for Altered Reality Academia. Izuku’s facial expression turned curious and then he told Shouto that his brother was trying to get his attention.

Shouto turned to see Natsuo and Tenko standing in front of them, Tenko looking a bit curious. Natsuo formally introduced everyone. The vampire girl’s name was Toga Himiko. Then he was introduced to Shimura Tenko. He and his brother apparently met at the hospital where Natsuo was currently doing a hands on internship. Shouto, through Izuku’s helpful translations, asked the teen whether he had ended up there due to the vampire girl and Tenko laughed heartily. Natsuo scowled. 

“No. I did not. I am apparently more of a vampire than she claims to be… I am actually allergic to the sun,” he said, surprisingly in sign language. When Shouto must have given him a surprised look, he explained that his sister was Hard of Hearing. Shouto found that it felt a little less weird now. That is, until Toga said that he looked good enough to eat; then he was momentarily afraid for his life. A sneak glance at his friend’s pale face said that Izuku felt the same. Tenko rolled his eyes and assured them that she had already “fed” and that they were safe. 

Shouto was still dubious.    

“So what are we seeing again?” Natsuo asked his boyfriend, signing for Shouto.

“Sako-chan is debuting his movie at this festival, neh neh— Ten-chan?” Toga said, her lips and curls moving rapidly. Natsuo stumbled translating a bit but Shouto got the idea. Ah, another friend is debuting a movie, huh? Interesting. Apparently, it was part of an independent film festival. It was called  DartMan: The Dark Midlife Crisis. It was supposed to be a parody of edgy superhero films.   

As the group made their way towards the building, he and Izuku caught up on their week. Shouto told Izuku about his thoughts on becoming a social worker or a lawyer. His friend thought that was an amazing idea and had no doubt that he could pull it off. When Izuku said that, Shouto couldn’t help the flush that washed over his face. He wanted to tell Izuku how much his support meant to him, but he couldn’t begin to form the words. His hands were shaking too bad. So he settled for a probably broken but vocal ‘thank you.’ Izuku beamed back. He then surprised Shouto by saying he was still thinking about what he wanted to do. This was unusual as Izuku had talked about being a comic artist for the longest time. 

Izuku had always talked about his want to be the next Yagi Toshinori. His writing was excellent and his art was amazing. Shouto was sure he was a shoo-in for the art school he wanted to go to. It was part of a larger university. What had changed? He had entertained the notion of them going to that very same university together. He had thought that maybe mentioning it would not be a bad way to approach the crush problem. Start simple. After all, most people would probably run the other direction if someone suddenly blurted out that they would ‘dream of kissing them and never leaving their side ever again’ out of nowhere. But Izuku’s change in direction had thrown him.  

“Why did you change?” he asked as they stood in line. Izuku looked thoughtful for a moment. 

“Well, partially because of my mom and partially because I tried commissions for a while. Sure, it was nice getting the money and I did not mind drawing for people, but suddenly what I loved doing became a chore. I— I don’t want to lose what I love doing for money. So, I have been thinking lately that I should do my art for myself on my own time and find something else to do…” Izuku said, his face clearly saying he was not sure about it. “I still want to go to UA, though. They have good connections,” said the boy with a shrug. 

“That doesn’t sound like you, though,” Shouto pointed out immediately. Izuku cringed. Shouto pounced on that, nerves be damned. His friend needed help and Shouto was going to give it. “What is really bothering you? Someone leave nasty messages about your work again?” Shouto asked. Izuku resolutely shook his head, even as he moved forward in line. “Then what is it?” 

“My mom was talking with one of the neighbors and they said some things about how I was wasting my potential and that I was such a ‘smart boy’ and that mom was a bad parent for letting me waste my time,” he finally admitted, shoulders slumping. Shouto inwardly seethed. How dare they make Izuku feel bad about what makes him happy?!

“That’s bullshit! You are smart! That is what makes you so good at what you do! You would not be half the analyst you are if you weren’t! Sure, being a comic maker is not the first thing that people would think of for you, but that doesn't mean it's not what you are destined to do. Tell them to go pack sand,” Shouto argued. Izuku laughed, out of shock more than likely. 

“Thanks Shouto, I just… I worry that I am not cut out for it… if I am not living up to my potential,” he said, forlorn. Shouto took the distraction to buy their tickets for the movie before Izuku could even protest. He then beckoned his friend to come along. Izuku pouted, saying it was not fair. Shouto just grinned.

“Don’t worry about it, you can pay next time,” he said with a grin, before turning scarlet. Way to be a pretentious ass! he berated himself. He was no better when he caught Izuku sporting a similar shade on his cheeks.  Shouto decided to find another distraction. His eyes landed on his brother and Tenko walking together.

It was strange. 

He had never seen Natsuo so relaxed around a date before. Most of the time, he was overdressed and drawn as tense as a bow string. Now though he was in a simple polo and a pair of jeans. He was walking with his arm around Tenko’s shoulder as they talked. They quietly laughed at some inside joke as Toga flitted around them all bouncing curls and energy. 

He wondered if he and Izuku could ever be close like they were, so secure in their relationship. His eyes cut to Izuku and the boy seemed lost in his own head. But that was Izuku, forever dreaming. A soft smile pulled at his lips. Izuku’s eyes suddenly bugged and he turned red. Shouto was confused at first until he felt Izuku squeeze his hand. Then he felt his face heat. 

When had he taken Izuku’s hand?!

But his friend only smiled bashfully as he stared at the floor. He did not let go of his hand. Shouto’s heart kicked in his chest. It was a lovely feeling. Maybe he had a chance after all? Shouto held his hand a little tighter. They settled into line for snacks and Shouto felt eyes on him. He looked up to see Tenko eyeing him as his brother talked with Toga about something. The ethereal looking teen gave him a kind, teasing smile. 

‘Nice job,’ he mouthed before eyeing their joined hands then looking at him again. Shouto blushed again, but felt grateful all the same. Tenko had definitely been a nice surprise. The boy was strange and had equally strange friends but so far he had been nice. Far nicer than most people he had met since he had finally started escaping the house. Shouto smiled back and mouthed, 

‘Nice jacket. Empire Souls?’ 

Tenko nodded before mouthing, ‘made it myself.’ 

Shouto gaped. Okay… maybe Natsuo was right. He was going to have to speak to his boyfriend more… maybe if he plucked up the courage… he could go on a real double date with them in future. That could be fun. He felt a tap on his shoulder. 

‘What are you smiling about?’ Izuku mouthed. 

‘The jacket is Empire Souls inspired. He made it,’ he mouthed. Izuku’s eyes lit up. He immediately started drilling Tenko for details. Shouto laughed, but he was keenly aware that despite his enthusiasm, Izuku still hadn’t let go of his hand.

_______________________________________________________________

Would you like your work to be featured in the 365 Days of TodoDeku Project? Apply here! (≧∇≦)/

[emeraldwaves]

Title: If The Glove Fits Pairing:  Shigadabi Rating: T Word Count:  2,121 Read on Ao3 Summary:  

Toga convinces Dabi to buy Shigaraki a present for Christmas. Despite hating the holiday and shopping, he finds a gift he thinks Shigaraki will enjoy.

This was written for Woolywisp on twitter!!! JENNY ILU I hope you love these crusty BOIZ <3

Fic under the cut!

Dabi fucking hated the holidays.

He could've made a fucking list of the reasons why and he wouldn't have to check that shit twice.

He hated all the songs, the decorations, the cheer. And how could he forget the lovey-dovey couples and family time. It was all awful and he couldn't imagine why the fuck anyone would actually celebrate.

For the past few years, he had strategically avoided the holiday by not existing around people during the season, but this year was different. Sort of. He supposed he could still avoid people, but disappearing for a long period of time would make the League, well, Shigaraki, unhappy, especially since they were currently working on expanding.

Shigaraki had been testy lately, which made Dabi annoyed. Though he surmised some of his personal distaste for the winter festivities was leaking through into his daily behavior.

Not that Dabi cared.

As the season loomed on the horizon, Dabi grew more and more restless wanting to run away, because he knew one question was lingering in the air, everyone scared of the implications. It was going to come out of someone's mouth sooner or later.

Were they exchanging gifts?

Gifts were just as bad as the cheer and the family and all that bullshit.

Knowing Toga and Twice, they weren't going to get away with not doing some sort of gift exchange.

And so, Dabi had been avoiding everyone like they had some fucking plague.

Until Toga cornered him in the hallway after dinner one evening.

"Dabiiiiiii~!" she giggled, twirling towards him with far too much energy for any time of day.

"What?"

"It's almost Christmas!" she cheered, clapping her hands together excitedly. "What are we going to do?"

"We are going to do nothing."

Toga pouted, letting out a long sigh. She shook her head back and forth, her wild strands of blonde hair swaying with her movement. "I thought you might say that," she said. "If you really don't want to be in my amazing, Secret Santa with the League, then so be it, but what about Tomura?"

Snorting, Dabi shoved his hands into his pocket. "What about him?"

"Well, you two are a thing right?" Toga asked and Dabi immediately froze.

A thing?

A thing?!

A thing implied they were dating or together or some bullshit like that. The truth was, they maybe had kissed here and there a few times which had maybe led to something more, but Dabi would never consider them together. And he doubted Shigaraki would either.

So how the fuck did Toga even know about that shit.

"No," he said, turning away from her. The longer he stayed in this conversation the more likely it was she would force information out of him.

"No? But haven't you guys... y'know... done it," she whispered, the widest of smirks on her face.

Dabi sighed, rolling his eyes. "That doesn't mean anything and you know it."

"Aw, and here I thought you were going to be Tomura's queen!" she said dramatically.

Wrinkling his nose, Dabi started to walk away. As far as he was concerned this conversation was over. He wasn't Shigaraki's queen... he wasn't Shigaraki's anything.

"Wait!" Toga cried out. "Wait, wait, wait!" She chased after him and Dabi let out another long sigh.

The shit he put up with.

"Fine, you and Tomura aren't together, but... don't you think you should get him something small for Christmas? I mean he is our leader... and he obviously trusts you a lot..."

Dabi rolled his eyes. No. He didn't think he should get Shigaraki anything for Christmas. He didn't want to, and he had no idea what the crusty asshole would want. He probably deserved something for doing such a good job as their leader as of late...  And, Shigaraki had seemed frustrated lately, so maybe getting a damn present would cheer him up.

"..."

~~

Dabi stood outside of the large department store with Toga. He had on a hoodie, pulled as far over his face as it could be. Gloves covered his hands and a scarf and sunglasses covered his face. He remembered why going out in public was never worth it.

Toga had it easier, her face covered by sunglasses, her hair let down. She didn't have her signature school girl uniform on either,   allowing her to blend in.

"We're going!" she cheered, tugging on Dabi's hand.

He groaned, staying in place, dreading going inside. There would be massive crowds of people, and honestly he thought this whole plan was stupidly dangerous. But Toga had insisted and practically dragged him out.

The problem was, he had absolutely no idea what kind of gift Shigaraki would want. He liked video games, but he never had time to play them and Dabi had no idea what games were good.

The League wasn't very well off, so none of them had indulged in any sort of personal items for a long time, which made it even more difficult to think about what Shigaraki would like.

He followed Toga into the store, scanning the aisles. This wasn't going to be easy.

"You have any... ideas?" Toga asked, tilting her head back and forth.

"None. I don't know why I'm here," he growled.

"You know, I don't know why you're complaining," she huffed, "I got Twice for Secret Santa, which means I have to get him something he will both love and hate!" Toga whined. "Or maybe I should get him two things that each side would like..."

Dabi didn't care what she got, as long as it didn't involve him. He was grateful she wasn't trying to buy gifts for all of them. Secret Santa was good for one thing.

"I'm going on a hunt," she said and Dabi followed after her, hoping he would be inspired by whatever she got.

She stopped in the kitchenware section, immediately looking at all the knives. "I wish I could get Twicey a cute knife set," she sighed, running her fingers over the surface of a few blades. "These are so nice!"

"You're not supposed to buy shit that you like, dumb ass," he snorted, gently bopping her on the head.

"I know," she whimpered. "I'll find something else that's cute. You know you're not doing a good job of looking."

"How about a gift card?" he said. "To some food place. Everyone loves food. We can get takeout."

"No," Toga said. "That's a bad gift!"

Dabi rolled his eyes.

"What about... something for his lips?" Toga suggested as they walked by the makeup section.

"His... lips?" Dabi asked, frowning. Shigaraki kept his damn face covered most of the time, and he certainly wasn't the type to enjoy wearing makeup.

"You know, chapstick?!" Toga said, puckering her lips. "I mean, it can't be pleasant to kiss his lips cause they're all dry and stuff."

Clenching his fists, he groaned. "We don't... It's not... fuck."

"You don't kiss? You have sex but you never kiss him?! Isn't that the best part!?" she yelled, a few people turning to look at them. "Oh my gosh..." she gasped, cupping her cheeks. "Does he leave the... you know... on his face..." She placed her hand over her own face, mimicking Shigaraki.

"Shut up."

"So that would mean you can't kiss!"

"Stop."

"Oh my gosh, have you never been kissed Dabi?!"

People were definitely staring now.

"Shut up, people are watching," he growled, yanking her hand to pull her further into the store.

"Aw Dabi... you didn't answer my question," she whined as they stumbled into the winter clothing area.

"You don't need to know. You're a literal child."

She puffed out her cheeks and folded her arms over her chest. "You're the most un-fun person ever."

He stopped listening as he glanced around at the winter clothes. Suddenly, before his eyes, he saw it. The perfect gift. It was stupid, just like Christmas and Shigaraki could actually use it.

Probably.

Whatever.

~~

Dabi knocked on Shigaraki's door, holding the bag in his hand. He legitimately felt like a moron. This was so stupid, Shigaraki wasn't his boyfriend and he was probably just going to feel awkward with the fact Dabi had given him a gift.

He really hoped Shigaraki didn't give him anything back.

"Come in," Shigaraki's soft voice was heard from the other side of the door and Dabi swung it open.

"Heya," he said, taking a seat next to him.

He leaned back on the couch, the hand still covering his face. "Dabi," Shigaraki said, acknowledging his presence. "What are you doing here? Wasn't expecting you."

"I, uh... brought you a present."

Shigaraki was silent, slowly reaching up to peel the hand away from his face. His tired eyes looked at Dabi curiously, as if he thought it was a trap.

"A present?" he asked, tentatively leaning in toward the bag.

Dabi tried not to snort. Why the hell was Shigaraki being so... cute about this? It was like he hadn't gotten a present in years.

He probably hadn't.

Suddenly Dabi wondered if his present was lame. Maybe he should've taken it more serious. Then again, getting any present was probably good enough.

Shiragraki pressed his fingers together, gripping the handle of the bag as he lifted it up. "You got me a present?"

"It's shocking I know."

"Why does this feel like Himiko's idea?" he said, glancing at Dabi.

"She... influenced it. I bought it."

"I thought so," he said, pinching at the tissue in the bag as he pulled it out, letting it slowly fall to the floor. "You don't seem like the Christmas type," Shigaraki said, a small chuckle slipping from his lips.

"I hate it," Dabi said bluntly. "But... whatever... you've been a good leader and shit lately... you... deserve it. Plus..." he trailed off and Shigaraki stared at him, still pinching a piece of the tissue between his thumb and finger.

"Plus?"

"The League... or...whatever... It's... you've made a... good place."

It was his home.

Shigaraki didn't need to know that. Not yet.

He smirked. "Well it's only going to get better from here on out."

"Yeah, I believe it."

He reached into the bag one more time and pulled out a pair of long dark gloves. One finger was missing, ultimately to make things easier for his quirk. "Ah... gloves," he said. "They're nice. Very nice."

"Yeah. I figured... you like hands... and have a lot of them. Actually uh... there's a few more things..."

Shigaraki looked down at the bag, pulling out a few Christmas themed gloves, enough to cover the various hands wrapped around his body.

"Heh," Shigaraki smirked, his lips quirking upward. It was a rare thing, to see him smile and it hit Dabi strangely in the chest. It made him feel warm like his damn flames. "Christmas gloves," Shigaraki said.

"You can put them on your other hands," Dabi murmured.

"They don't get cold," Shigaraki noted, but he still pulled one of the hands off, covering it in a glove.

"Yeah, but it can be, uh, fashion..."

"Yeah," Shigarki said, slowly putting the various styles on the hands. "I like it."

"Good," Dabi said. "Don't get used to presents or anything, but uh, I thought you'd like it."

"The actual gloves will be useful," he said.

"Thought so," Dabi nodded. "Toga wanted me to get you chapstick."

Shigaraki snorted. "It doesn't help. I've tried it."

"I didn't want to get into it with her," he said, watching him continue to place the gloves over his hands. He wanted to offer to help, but he knew Shigaraki would prefer to do it himself, not wanting others to touch his hands.

"Oh?"

"She was asking a lot of questions," Dabi grumbled. "We haven't been as subtle as we thought."

"Ah... well..." Shigaraki smirked, leaning back. "I guess I should thank you, if you don't mind a kiss from my chapped lips."

"Never cared before," Dabi muttered. He leaned toward him, kissing his lips softly.

"Hmm," Shigaraki hummed, pulling back from the kiss as he placed the hand back on his face covered in the Christmas glove. The gloves were a variety of styles; one had Christmas lights, one had a snowman, but the one on his face had a reindeer nose, glowing red, like Rudolph.

"Perfect," Dabi smirked, enjoying the humor of his own present.

"Best present I've gotten in awhile," Shigaraki hummed, leaning back against the couch.

"Very festive," Dabi chuckled, leaning against his shoulder, the two of them sitting quietly. That was often how they enjoyed their time together, Christmas or not.

And Dabi had to admit, giving Shigaraki a present, hadn't been the worst idea.

Maybe he could put up with the holidays this year.

Maybe.

[donttouchmyherobabies]

Take it off!

So, let me say this, this is from an RP my bestie and I was doing. I wrote this on Google Docs and figured, why not post it! It’s not my best work and honestly, it’s my first time writing something for the My Hero Academia fandom. I’m fairly new to the fandom and this just popped into my head last night. I want to apologize for Shigaraki being OOC at all. The RP is not reader insert, she’s my own OC. Long story short, her name is Kohana Mori. She’s a villain in this one. She has white hair and blue eyes, pale skin, and is fairly thin. The RP for this one hasn’t gone very far so not sure about much with her. Either way, please enjoy some deliciously pointless Tomura Shigaraki smut. Because he is one of my babies and needs more love. Side note: Her name translates to Little Flower Forest.

This is rated M. Features smut, cussing, and possible triggers. 18+ readers would be best but honestly, I can’t exactly stop you. You have been warned. Also, possible dub-con because let’s be honest, the teasing and threats get bad.

-

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Shigaraki sounded furious as Hana came walking in the door of the bar fresh from a workout.

“Walking through the bar. Why?”

“Why are you wearing that?” He motioned to her body. At this moment the entire League was looking at the two of them. Mind you there were only Toga, Dabi, Kurogiri, herself, and Tomura in there currently so not many but still.

“Wearing what, Shigaraki?” she asked unsure of what his problem was. The last few weeks he had been a particularly extra mean asshole to her. Also to Dabi, but mainly her.

“That!” he motioned towards the All Might themed sports bra she was currently wearing complete with matching capris.

“I received it as a gift from my best friend. And I happen to like it.”

“This is the League of Villains. We are literally trying to kill the Hero you happen to be wearing.” His hands itched at his neck.

“I’m aware but the set is cute!” she protested. “And it was a present. I’m not gonna ignore a nice gift from a friend.”

“I don’t give a single shit. Take it off and dispose of it!”

“You want me to what?” Why the hell did he feel the need to be this big of an asshole?

“Take it off!” His impatience was just increasing. How dare she walk into his bar wearing that trash? It didn’t help she was sweating and her hair was pulled up.

“Excuse me? Once more?” An idea formed in her mind.

“TAKE IT OFF BEFORE I WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR FUCKING NECK!” She knew he meant it too. He was shaking in anger, Kurogiri keeping him held back.

“Take it off?” she gave him an incredulous look before sighing. “Okay then. You asked for it. You win. I’ll take it off.” She got a big ass shit eating grin on her face. She looked around to every single one of the villains sitting in the bar and grabbed the edges of the capris. She yanked them down and stepped out revealing her black lace thong. There were a couple gasps and Shigaraki looked completely stunned. No one moved. She reached under the edges of the sports bra and yanked that over her head. She smirked at everyone in the bar. Her eyes went from Shigaraki to Toga and finally landed on Dabi who was ready to spit his drink. She bent over and picked up her fallen clothes. “There. They’re off.” She stood there completely bare except for the panties. And her socks.

Shigaraki wanted to yell but he was way too distracted. She threw the clothes over her shoulder and walked her petite little ass to the back where she could change and shower.

Thank goodness her dad hadn’t been there to see this.

Shigaraki was silent and didn’t move for a solid fifteen seconds before he shoved Kurogiri aside and stomped after Hana. Everyone else stayed in the bar trying to process what just happened. She was almost to the full bathroom with her bag of clothes, still naked, when Shigaraki stepped in-between her and the bathroom.

“Did you need something Shigaraki?” She thrust her chest forward a little.

“What the fuck was that?” he was just barely keeping his eyes from scanning over her body. No one had ever shocked him like that, except maybe Izuku Midoriya, and certainly never stripped naked in his bar.

“You yelled at me to take off my workout clothes. So I did. I only did what you wanted.” she said with an innocent tone to her voice that he knew was fake as she stood on her tiptoes to bat her eyes at him. He looked furious. The itching at his neck increased as she noticed him looking down.

“You stripped naked in front of the whole bar you little slut.”

“Yet, you’re the only one who seemed to have a problem with it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just worked out, I’m sweaty, and I need a shower.” She reached up and let her long white hair fall from its messy bun and down her back. “So, unless you’re gonna join me, get out of my way, please.” He continued to block her. In retaliation, she stripped off her last remaining clothing items. Her socks went first tossing them over her shoulder. Then, she locked eyes with him as she shucked her panties down and kicked them off her ankles never once breaking eye contact.

He finally moved aside and let her pass him. He broke eye contact first as she walked past him and he stared at her ass. She knew exactly what she was doing as she bent over to turn on the water, leaving her clothes on the sink.

“Aren’t you gonna close the door?” she said looking back to him. He shut the door alright. When she turned around again he had shut the door and she heard the lock click. However, he was now not wearing a shirt. The hand he called ‘Father’ was sitting on top of his shirt on the counter. She never realized how skinny he actually was. His arms looked nice though even with the previous scars and bullet holes. “Oh.”

“You said to join you,” he said and tugged at the drawstring of his pants. She turned around, her face heating up, and adjusted the water to boiling hot like she liked. She figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the heat. She pushed the curtain back completely and stepped in. “So, I’m gonna join you.”

“Fine. I hope you like showers so hot they could melt skin.” she was testing him now. There was no way he would actually do this. She looked back at him with a sarcastic toss of her long hair. This was a game of chicken and she was gonna win.

“Last I checked I’m the only thing in the League that can destroy skin so thoroughly.” She felt his presence close to her back but she didn’t turn around. She switched the water to shower and let it come down around them. If his clothes got wet then so what? If there was one thing she could say for this shitty bar in this shitty area, it had an amazing shower, thankfully kept clean by Kurogiri she assumed, and the water pressure was fantastic. She turned around looking him in the eye. She wasn’t gonna look down. She couldn’t bring herself to. She often forgot he was several inches taller than her. She was short as it was. He made her feel so small but her actions today had made her feel taller than him even if she did have to expose herself to half the League to do it.

“Have you met Dabi? Such big talk,” she said stepping completely into the stream. The steam from the showered filled the bathroom and she stared him in the eye daring him to try something. She decided to tease him a little. She turned around facing the shower and felt the steamy, hot water run through her sweaty scalp. She let out a moan as the water ran down her back and through her scalp. What could she say, it felt good. She raised her arms and let the water cover all of her skin washing the sweat and grime she felt. She let out a couple more soft moans. She turned and his crimson eyes were burning a hole in the back of her head. The steam had raised a flush to his skin. Yeah, it was the steam. She stepped aside to let him pass. “Aren’t you gonna get wet?”

He didn’t answer. He stepped past her to step in the water stream. She smirked as she went for the lavender scented shampoo she had brought with her. She poured some into her hand and grinned her shit eating grin. Okay then. She reached up and put her shampoo in his hair. He flinched and turned around with a fast twist.

“What exactly are you doing?” He looked annoyed but she simply stood on her tiptoes and continued.

“Just thought you could use a little help. Hope you like lavender. Now, come here.” she said cheerfully. He looked even more annoyed but reluctantly leaned down to let her finish. She got a thorough lather worked into his hair and she felt the tips of his fingers run over her arm. She let him. He kept his pinky off her so she wouldn’t decay in the shower. She didn’t let him know how nice it felt to be touched. It had been a while since she’d had someone touch her. “Rinse.” she turned away to pick the bottle back up and pour more into her hand. She lathered it into her own hair until she was covered in soap. She turned around with her eyes closed. She felt a hand on her wrist and he gently pulled her into the stream of water. She reached up to scrub her scalp until she was sure the soap was gone. When she opened them she was staring straight into Shigaraki’s red eyes inches from her.

Her breathing hitched and his fingers ran over her arm again. She looked down and watched them. His touch actually felt nice. Even with it being so lethal. She looked back up to him with a smile. She reached one hand up and ran her thumb over the scar on his lips. He closed his eyes as she ran her fingers across his cheek, his eyelids, and into his hair. He seemed to relax into her touch. She smiled as she pressed against him. She felt something against her leg and knew what it was. She left a kiss on his cheek.

“To-mu-ra~” she pressed tighter against him crushing him against the wall and her body. She left little kisses on his cheeks not once touching his lips. “What’s wrong? Haven’t you ever been touched before?” Her hands slipped around his neck gently sliding over the scarred skin of his own doing. She actually looked sad for a moment. She knew what it was like to be anxious and only have toxic outlets. She also knew just how touch starved this man was. His quirk wouldn’t really allow for safe touch. Good thing she didn’t fear death. She stood as tall as she could and left kisses on the skin of his neck. She tilted his chin upwards so she could reach easier. She felt him press closer to the wall as though he was afraid of her touch. “It’s okay. I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re being nice,” he stated. “After what you pulled in the bar. After I yelled.”

“I can be mean if you want. Maybe I should punish you for yelling at me.” She pressed tighter and bit gently into his neck. He gasped and felt like he couldn’t breathe but she heard him groan over the sounds of the water running. She held his neck pulling him closer to her level. She bit down a little harder making sure to leave a mark. “Maybe I should make you apologize for yelling at me and making me do that in front of everyone.”

“You have a better chance of killing All Might by yourself.” He was pushing her. She was gonna push back.

“Fine then.” she pulled away from him and stepped back into the stream of water. She bent over and reached for her body wash, also lavender scented, and poured some on an exfoliating cloth she brought with her. She ran it over her skin not once meeting his angry eyes. She went as far as to crank the water up a little hotter. He stepped out of the stream and she felt him watching her. She scrubbed her skin, making sure to do extra bending and twirling her hair. She smiled an evil little smile and turned around. “Will you get my back? I’ll do yours after if you like.” she held out the cloth to him fully expecting him to ignore her or even get out. He surprised her by pulling her close to him and taking the cloth from her hands. She turned around and stepped back towards him. She reached up and moved her wet hair so her bare back was fully exposed to him.

She felt the cloth run over her shoulders. She didn’t think he would really do it. Yet, here she was taking a shower with Tomura Shigaraki and he was currently running an exfoliating cloth down her shoulders, her spine, and down as close to her ass as he could get without actually touching it. She was about to step back under the water until she felt his lips against her neck avoiding the soap on her back. One of his arms circled her waist, his hand balled in a fist so he wouldn’t accidentally touch her. He pulled her flush against him not letting her move. Two could play this game.

Hana pressed further until he was back to being sandwiched against her and the wall. She felt his erection pressing against her ass and she slowly, torturously, moved her hips against him. She heard him gasp, felt his breathing hitch, and his other arm wrapped across her chest. She leaned her head back against his shoulder and he left new kisses and bites on her neck. She continued to move against him slowly not giving him near enough friction to finish but just enough to torture him.

“If you keep teasing me you’ll regret it.” he threatened. She could hear the tone of his voice. She pushed. One of her hands slipped between them and she palmed his erection. Holy crap, this dude was not small. She wasn’t expecting that. She had heard Dabi making jokes about him having a small dick. She could say with certainty he was definitely wrong. For the first time since pissing him off, she was genuinely afraid he would hurt her, just not with his lethal quirk. “Kohana… Don’t make me…”

“Make you what? Apologize to me?” she let out a gasp as he bit harder into her neck. She palmed him a little harder and ran her hand down his length. Her fingers brushing over the head. She ran her thumb over his slit playing with the pre-cum that leaked from him. “What would you really do to me, huh, Tomura?” She didn’t let on to how good this all felt. She had been feeling the wetness building between her legs and the heat pooling in her lower stomach. It all felt so good. He bit her harder damn near drawing blood.

“Keep pushing me and I’ll-”

“You’ll what? Since you won’t apologize to me, what will you do?” She looked back at him with her big blue eyes staring into his crimson red eyes. The steam in the room was nearly unbearable and thick. One hand stayed on his length giving languid strokes and the other hand was digging nails into one of his arms. He dropped his arms letting her free. She stepped into the water to rinse her back and turned to see him mere inches from her face. She grinned up at him and batted her eyes. “To-mu-ra~” she moved closer to him. “What will you do to me?”

He closed the gap between them and kissed her hard. If she had to guess due to the sloppy way he kissed her that this was his first kiss. It had to be. He wasn’t the type to have a high school sweetheart that gave him his first go. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He kept one finger on each hand off her as he gripped her waist hard enough to bruise and slammed her against the heated tile. One hand kept her pinned while the other slid down her bare chest running smoothly over her nipple and over her breast. She shivered against him and moaned into his mouth. Her lips parted for air and he slipped his tongue past her lips. His knee slid in between her legs and pressed so close to her she was able to grind down on his knee as she was desperate for friction at this point. She moaned loudly as he attached himself to her neck again. Her fingers slid over his shoulders and down his back.

“Tomura...please…” she moaned again feeling him push harder against her. She hated the fact she was reduced to begging. It all felt too good. They both smelled like lavender, the steam kept their faces flushed, his blue hair and her white hair were soaked and stuck to them. “Tell me what you want to do to me. Please?”

“I want to break you. I want to bend you over this shower and fuck you until you’re crying and begging for me to let you come. You were bad today. Taking your clothes off in front of the League. What am I gonna do with you? Should I even fuck you or should I get out now and leave you by yourself?” the words came out as she reached down to stroke him again. She grinned. “Wipe that look off your face!”

“Or what?” she asked looking into his eyes and running a hand in his pretty blue hair. She damn near shrieked as one of his fingers suddenly entered her. “Fuck!” she cussed and he took the advantage to shove his mouth on hers again and fought with her own for dominance. She let him win. He kept his index finger inside her, his thumb on her clit teasing her, and the other three fingers to his palm so he didn’t hurt her. He pumped into her slowly. He watched her eyes rolling in her head and she moaned loudly against him. He added a second finger and felt her natural juices flowing down his hand.

“Are you really so wet for me? Does the idea of me nearly killing you really turn you on?” he asked feeling her stroke him harder with little twists and jerks of her wrist. She kissed him on the lips and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Would you really hurt me? I think you like me too much.” she grinned and her face fell as he hit a specific spot inside her that had her clenching around his fingers. He swiftly removed his hand and forced her legs open more. He leaned down and slipped an arm under one of her knees. He lifted her leg exposing her most intimate areas to him completely. He lined himself up with her entrance.

“Beg for me.” he rubbed the tip of his cock against her slit but never going in. She actually looked down and paled a little. This was gonna hurt. The combination of his size and her not having been with anyone in the past year made her want to rethink this but at this point, she was sure neither of them actually could.

“Please Tomura, fuck me. I want you.” she gripped his face in her hands and pulled him into another kiss. She exclaimed into the kiss as he sheathed himself inside her in one swift motion. “Fucking hell… Ow… Fuck… It hurts…” he didn't move, allowing her to adjust to the size of him. “Shit!” she cussed. He slipped out slightly and slipped back in until he bottomed out. Her eyes scrunched up from the pain. She looked into his eyes. He seemed genuinely worried. His hand that wasn't holding her leg reached up and his thumb wiped away the tear that had fallen down her cheek.

“I told you I would break you for being such a bad girl today.” He pulled out and slammed himself back in making her cry out. The mix of pain and pleasure sent his name tumbling from her mouth. After a few more thrusts there was no more pain. He paused for a second to lift her other leg. Her legs were wrapped around his hips and she was stuck to the wall. He pistoned himself into her as his mouth wandered down her neck, chest, and breasts. He left kisses, bites, and dark hickeys on every bit of skin he could reach. He fisted her hair in his hand when she tried to move her neck away. It was a miracle her hair didn’t decay. She was a dripping, needy, fucked up mess against him and he kept going until he could feel himself coming close. He felt her clenching around him with each thrust and knew she wouldn’t last long either. “You take my cock so well. Aren’t you a good girl for me? Can you cum for me? You will come for me. Cum on my cock like a good girl.” he thrust into her harder and one of his hands drifted down to play with her clit. Her screams only got louder as he continued to fuck her into the wall and stroke her clit roughly.

“Oh, Tomura! You feel so good. Please don’t stop, I’m so close! I promise I’ll come for you. I’m so…” she trailed off and screamed as she tumbled over the edge. She may have screamed a little too loudly because a sudden crashed nearly ruined the mood. He ignored it and kept going as his own end approached. A few thrusts later and he bottomed out cumming deep inside her with a growl and a shout of her name. They stayed in place, him still inside her as he finished releasing within her, her legs locked around him, and looked each other in the eyes. Red met blue. She gently stroked his cheek and he kissed her gently. Both of them stared with heaving chests trying to take deep breaths. The steam made it hard.

“Let’s get out,” he spoke finally. She undid her legs from his hips and he turned the water off. She nearly fell and he kept her held up. Her legs felt like Jell-O and it hurt to walk. He felt somewhat bad for being so rough with her but it also made him a little smug. He stepped out and looked down to see what had happened. Her quirk had destroyed the bathroom mirror when she screamed. Most of it landed in the sink. There were a few shards on the floor. He didn’t care. He reached for the towels that were hanging avoiding the glass. He passed one to her and she got out of the tub on sore, shaky legs. He wrapped a towel around his waist. Once she was covered he grabbed her and scooped her into his arms. His room was down the hall. He left their clothes sitting on the sink vowing to come back for them. She looked up at him with tired eyes. She hadn’t expected this from him. This was very new. He was also much stronger than he looked since he seemed to have no trouble lifting and carrying her.

He opened the door to his room and set her gently on his bed. She dried off as he threw her an old T-shirt of his and he dressed in sweats and no shirt. He didn’t give her any pants to wear so she figured she wasn’t getting any underwear either. She wasn’t bothered. After what had just transpired she was glad to have some coverage. The shirt hung off one shoulder and barely covered her ass.

He left the room for a few minutes to retrieve their clothes from the bathroom and inform Kurogiri that the mirror had been broken. Toga and Dabi were long gone. Kurogiri wished Shigaraki a good night as it was now late. Kurogiri did not ask what had happened to the mirror or where Hana was. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out based on what they’d heard in the bathroom. Toga and Dabi had left the second they heard them talking in the hallway. He had a feeling they would give him shit for it later.

He went back into his room to see her lying on his bed, his shirt barely covered her ass, and the lack of underwear was a nice sight to see. She had already claimed a pillow. She was laying there waiting for him. She watched him move around the room with tired eyes. He wasn’t going to admit this but it felt so weirdly pleasant knowing there was an extremely attractive girl, with no underwear on, wearing one of his shirts, waiting for him to join her in his bed. That was definitely an ego boost. He smiled at the thought of the possessive way he had her in his bed and how she was sitting there waiting for him. Why did this feel so good? He pulled on a pair of thick gloves so he wouldn’t accidentally kill her during the night.

He slipped into bed next to her and she immediately cuddled up into his side. He froze as she snuggled into his side and made herself comfortable, even throwing a leg over his leg. She threw an arm across his chest and settled her fingers on his neck. She smelled so damn good. She rubbed the skin of his neck in a soothing way and he wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t feel good.

“Good night, Tomura.” she left a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t stop her and just looked at her for a moment. She had a smile on her face. He felt his heart beat harder in his chest.

“Good night, flower girl.” he forcefully kissed her lips and nuzzled his face in her lavender scented hair. She let him. He wrapped his arms around her as she drifted off first. He looked down at her knowing full well he was definitely gonna have a repeat of this tomorrow. Then, with a heavy sigh, sure that she was asleep, he muttered. “Sorry.” He couldn’t see her smirk in the dark.

[thetrashbang]

PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds Needs A God

No multiplayer game gets to live in a void for long. No matter how hard you may try to bleed yourself of troublesome concepts like context, or backstory, the reality is that people like to speculate. People like to tell stories. Doesn’t matter how goofy or outlandish; the creeping tendrils of narrative eventually wrap around the foundations of even the purest, most context-free experiences. Why are we bombing these crates? Why are we stealing that flag? Why are we fighting? Why are we here?

Somebody will come up with an answer. It’s the human thing to do.

But for PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, it feels like that answer has yet to come. One hundred players parachute onto a deserted island, where the average density of firearms per square meter exceeds even the most deranged fanatical NRA wet dream, and a slowly constricting hemisphere of crackling blue energy forces them to mercilessly gun each other down until only one is left standing. It’s an absurd, nightmarish premise; a theoretical scenario seemingly engineered to turn people into rabid beasts, fighting tooth and nail merely for the privilege of living a few minutes longer. Who would orchestrate such a competition, and for what purpose? Is it an experiment? A ritual? A blood sport? Is some Silicon Valley bazillionaire sitting in a darkened room somewhere, surrounded by monitors, cranking his sad rubbery hog to every rifle crack and arterial splatter? Nobody seems to know, or care.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t either; PUBG is fun enough without framing. And yet, tonight’s winds bring an uneasy chill, carrying whispers of restlessness, indignance and fury. You feel it, don’t you? There’s a philosophical schism in how we approach Pubguh—the very concept of ‘battle royale’, even—and the hairline fractures are beginning to show. Players whine and gnash their teeth at the red zone, esports organisers desperately attempt to harness the format for views, and the proverbial chicken dinner seems to attain a more and more mythical, trophy-like status by the day; a reference to back-alley gambling now ironically viewed as a badge of ultimate prowess. This isn’t a healthy relationship. This isn’t a healthy attitude.

What Plunkbat needs, friends, is a god.

Well, okay, not necessarily a god god. Divine power is optional. I’m not asking Brendan Greene to start wearing a white toga and chiselling his patch notes into stone tablets, as much as it would set an entertaining precedent. The job requirements are flexible: I’m simply asking for someone vengeful and capricious, with unfathomable intentions, inscrutable thoughts, and—at least within the bounds of the playable space—immense, unassailable power. Like any god, you need not supply scientific proof of their presence; you merely have to attribute sufficient existing phenomena to them, and change people’s collective perception of the world. Ooh, got’em.

See, battle royale games represent an important shift to me. I’m a competitive person by nature. It’s etched into my mind, irreversibly chiseled by years of test scores and parental praise and all the other ego-stroking bullshit that you were subjected to if you were a certain kind of ‘gifted’ child. “You’re the best. You should be the best. You should be winning. Why aren’t you winning, what the heck is wrong with you?” So it bleeds over, into hobbies, work, and of course, online shooters, in which I regularly demonstrate that I have an innate… whatever the opposite of aptitude is. I react slowly, I zone out, I bean myself on the head with my own grenades, and if you exert the slightest bit of pressure, I’ll empty half the magazine into a wall and drop my weapon through a gap in the floorboards. I’m not good, and yet some unreachable, fundamental part of my conscious will never be satisfied with that knowledge.

You would think, then, that Pubby-G would only serve to exacerbate this mindset. And yet, in a world of delicately tuned esports that are built from the ground up to be pure, unfiltered tests of skill, it feels like the only game to grant a genuine absolution of responsibility; a kind of freeing fatalism. There’s a sense in a lot of classic multiplayer experiences—like, say, Counter-Strike—that every outcome is more or less deterministic; a product of a series of controlled variables and actions. With every failure comes the overwhelming impression that it could have been averted, given enough competence, foresight, and concentrated guarana. By contrast, a porridgey cocktail of chaos flows through the veins of battle royales, surrounding you with factors that are not only impossible to influence, but—in many cases—impossible to know at all. You are swept up by the gusts of a hundred butterflies’ wings, tossed to and fro by the whims of the random number generator, bombarded with unavoidable risks and squeezed into unmanageable situations. It’s easier to go with the flow, accept that at any given moment you may have your head unceremoniously taken off—by somebody lying flat on a distant hill, or hiding behind one of the game’s ten thousand trees, or concealed in a shrub on the far side of the Moon—and concentrate on all the minute actions you can make to ever-so-slightly nudge the odds in your favour.

But it’s not always clear that this is the reality of Puhburger. With its vast scale and often languid pacing, encounters can feel like isolated incidents, detached from the cascading series of events that led up to them, despite being anything but. Anyone can parse the map for circles of safety and non-safety, and understand that their arbitrary placement gives certain players an advantage; it’s less apparent that the figure in that upstairs window might have had their sights trained on the area, or seen you first, shot first, picked up a better weapon, obtained a better vantage point, or some other action, because of a dizzying permutation of astral alignments that neither of you could even begin to grasp. So we get futile attempts to establish a level playing field, find meaning in accomplishment, divine fair elements from unfair, and generally make things needlessly stressful for everybody involved. Except the infuriatingly smug yours truly, of course.

How do you make that clear, though? How do you concisely impress upon people that their fate is almost entirely out of their hands, in such a way that they adopt an attitude of acceptance? Blaming the roll of the dice doesn’t come to mind as swiftly when you never see them rattling around, nor the way their innumerable ripples propagate across the map. Furthermore, as current events have taught us all too well, it’s a lot easier to ascribe fault to individuals than to an invisible, fundamentally hostile system. So what do you do?

You give the system a name. And, if you can, a face.

Allow me to momentarily slam us into reverse. When Valve released Left 4 Dead way back in 2008 (oh god, it’s going to be ten years old this year?) they made quite a song and dance about the game’s AI Director; an invisible, unknowable entity that would dynamically dole out items and zombies in a manner consistent with the tenets of dramatic tension, ensuring players were subjected to a “fast-paced, but not overwhelming, Hollywood horror movie”. While the opacity of the AI Director’s machinations always made me a tad sceptical of its mechanical effectiveness, giving people a name to pin the blame for all their earthly woes on was a masterstroke. Notorious video game jokesman Yahtzee Croshaw—the one with the hat and that trendy 00s cynicism, remember?—reported that he once witnessed someone praying to the AI Director, and I bet you all the pipe bombs in the world that players’ personification of it didn’t stop there. Short of making a catastrophic error, I never saw anyone get chewed out for not pulling their weight, and when tones got heated—as they inevitably do, when you’re throwing yourself against the frigid slopes of the higher difficulties—they were directed in the vague direction of the director: for its expectations, for its lack of pity, for being unfair. Awareness of our lurking orchestrator changed our perception of the experience, even though we couldn’t entirely prove it wasn’t just somebody sitting in a black box, disinterestedly flipping a coin over and over.

So, why not do the same for a game that does? Put a face on the system that holds a fundamental grip on who lives and who dies. You don’t need to change a thing under the hood; you need only introduce the vague implication that the evolving state of the battlefield is a consequence of a thinking, feeling, mysterious overseer. A bloodthirsty oligarch watching from their lavish observation zeppelin, a dystopian TV network broadcasting a deadly future sport, an amoral team of government agents sealed away in a bunker control room, an inexplicably sapient Shiba playing with a selection of levers, or indeed, a literal deity. People will take the faintest contextual cues and run amok with them, ascribing everything they can to the will of the one who set this conflict in motion: item drops, circle position, all the way down to the subtle spread of their bullets as they sail through the air. Yeah, maybe it’ll start off as a running joke; an ironic indulgence, the “thanks Obama” of Puddlebounds. But that’s the thing about ironic behaviour: get enough people doing it at once, and you’ll cultivate sincere participants without even realising it. We will learn to absolve ourselves of responsibility, and engage in the unhinged pandemonium of battle royale with the mentality that befits it.

There’s just one problem: you need to be able to keep a secret.

I’m still working on that part.

[yakumtsaki]

CHILLIN LIKE A VILLAIN. Pleased with yourself, are you, Becky with the good hair?

-Oh quite, though I’d be more pleased if my damn arm would unglitch.

HA looks like it got stuck while you were putting your filthy hands on Wyatt. God’s punishment is swift. Know what else is gonna be swift? YOUR DEATH. Get him, Waylon Fairchild Dementia Raven Way!

-Ugh, no way, I’m exhausted, everyone is in love with me and I just want to be with Draco, ok? Why couldn’t Satan make me less beautiful? IT’S A CURSE

Waylon sis truly don’t even talk to me about curses and Satan right now, this entire lot is cursed and crawling with evil spirits and beelzebubian energies. Ever since we moved here my life has never known peace. Next thing you know snakes are gonna start manifesting in this house physically.

Well looks like the snakes are already here. FRANCES WILL YOU FUCKING STOP ALREADY YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED JOYATT IS DEAD NOW CEASE AND DESIST

-No way bitch, time to suffer. Look at it and weep, look at it with your own two eyes!

First of all I’ve been weeping since yesterday so joke’s on you. Secondly I still can’t believe you did this to me after I generously gave you this whole debonair look YOU’RE THE WORST

-La la la can’t hear you over the sound of your plans crumbling all around me!!

I’m seriously gonna murder you a thousand times. Wyatt what about you, you dumbass bimbo? What do you have to say for yourself?

-Not beaucoup, I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, it makes absolument no sense! Huhu! 

I hate you both so fucking much I might actually vomit.

Ugh my poor Jojo </3 I’m so sorry that your love life has turned into a giant pile of crap.

-Please, who cares.. Definitely not me!

Yeah well that much is obvious! Are you sure you’re alright tho? Because you look, you know. worryingly expressionless and in denial.

-Oh no, I’m just focusing on my new proposal,“Project MKUltra: The Comeback”. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I have to deal with adulterous whores again!

Good, good, pour yourself into your art. Speaking of, maybe it’s also time to pour yourself a refreshing drink?

Attaboy, milk that cowplant, Jojo!

-Hmm this process feels oddly sexual..

Yea, I can tell by your massive erection, jesus, I mean even for you-

-Ew no what the hell? That’s just because Ti-Ning is dead!

Oh ok, that’s fine then!

-YES YEEEEES I FEEL THE POWER COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS

Hard to believe anything can course through your veins with all that ice in there but alright. Now we just have to wait..

..for the cowplant to get hungry again. I literally can’t with Daniel and Gunther constantly picking fights with Jojo’s former suitors, especially since Jojo doesn’t seem to give enough of a fuck to fight them himself. We are family, I got all my sisters with me!

Ugh I keep forgetting Daniel has 9 nice points, what a crybaby. How you gonna fight capitalism when you can’t even fight Wyatt?? MAN UP DAN

Nice, there we go! I’m truly living for Brit’s utter lack of interest in fights happening next to her. Her aspiration bar is about to hit the crapper bc I’m even worse at playing popularity sims than I am at getting couples not to whore around, so the time has come..

TO PARTY HARD, TOGA STYLE. I really threw this party thinking it would be a success and save Brit from aspiration failure, so obviously the time has come to acknowledge that I’m even stupider than Wyatt. Things get off to a good enough start with the profs tickling each other, which everyone knows is the mark of a wild college party!

Ti-Ning, gone but never forgotten.

-Hey Brit, want some Ti-Ning to wash down that pizza? 

-Please stop addressing me.

-That’s right, address moi instead! 

NO YOU DON’T WYATT. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE

..........................................................................all I can say is LMAO

Wyatt, sweetie, full offense, exactly how dumb are you?

-What? I wanna marry Jojό! <3

Ok. Do you have any recollection of breaking his “heart” 2 hours ago, setting him on the path of a complete nervous breakdown?

-Oh, that was just a bump on la route, don’t be so dramatique!

-Does it count as a win if the only thing you put in the hole.. are your tears?

.....god.

Meanwhile and to the surprise of no one, Gunther is being sexually harassed by a professor, namely Down-With-The-Kids-Pink-Beanie.

-Sooo Gunther, half-alien professor told me all about you, you little ginger minx.. What do you say you and I adjourn somewhere private and I see if the carpet matches the drapes..

-EW forget it, lady, you’re not even in the art department and I only have one rule: no whoring without extra scoring.

Um what about the rule of monogamous dating which you are currently doing with Mel?

-RIGHT that too!

Once again...god.

The one person having a great time at this party is Kevin Beare, who eats half a pizza by himself..

..and then moves on to chips. He legit came here for the free food and didn’t talk to anyone the entire time, which is what I do at every party except with drinks. Live your truth, Kev!

Look who’s back from class and still glitched lolol

-Can you please reset me already, I had to take an exam like this!!!

Pfff grades??? There are so many more important things in life, Fran. Live a little, join the celebration.. party like there’s no tomorrow. CAUSE THERE ISN’T

I’ve no idea what happened here but Tiffany is non-stop bullying this 2006-Oliver-Sykes haired professor. Judging from Pink Beanie and sims professors in general it’s safe to say he deserves it. GET HIM TIFF 

-Why doesn’t anyone want to fuck me, Frank? What am I doing wrong? Has Woody Allen been lying to us about hot young women being uncontrollably attracted to neurotic, misogynist, mediocre intellectuals over 60?

Oh great, I thought this party was gonna end as a dud but I see we’re going for full-on disaster.

-I’ve just about had enough of you and your passé casquette, communiste! 

-My casquette is not passé, it’s classic!

-LADY STOP TRYING TO GET UNDER MY TOGA

-Aw come on, please? For mommy?

-You should use that line on Jojo where it might actually work!

Enemies, these bitches my enemies, not on my level so they just pretend to be, yes, why do you envy me? Cause I am the MVP, these bitches my enemies ♪

-FOR THE GLORY OF THE USSR 

Yea, seems about right. Whatever though, cause after the party..

COMES THE CAKE.

Goodbye Francis, it’s been nice, hope you find your paradise!

-Oh please, SEE YOU IN HELL BITCH. WAIT FOR ME CAUSE I’M GONNA FIGHT YOU THERE TOO

It’s a beautiful morning and our llama friend is back to spread some school pride and presumably some bodily fluids. We almost went an entire day without seeing him but here he is again!  GET OUT OF MELODY’S SHOWER YOU FUCKING CREEP

-FINE. YOU’RE GONNA APPRECIATE ME WHEN I’M GONE

Yea don’t worry that day is permanently coming as soon as we milk Frances out of the cowplant. Honestly this fucking llama is the last straw, the time has come for me to take back control of this house..

..starting with getting sweet, dumb Wyatt back with Jojo! I really think the Frances thing was a fluke, I mean W wasn’t in a committed relationship with Jo, he didn’t initiate it and he rolled the want to get engaged to him for the second time after it. So the whole thing = Fran’s + ACR’s fault!!!1 Also and more importantly we have literally 0 other viable options and college is almost done so it’s time for Jojo to put Lemonade on repeat and get over it.

Let’s bring out the big guns!

-Mom! it’s so good to hear your insufferably domineering voice. Did you get my latest murder pics?

-Ha! Yes they are great, thank you mom. Soon I’ll add the french courtesan to my album. Now tell me, in as much detail as possible, how proud of me you are!

-I don’t know how Wyatt is doing, he’s the french courtesan, I’m going to kill him! Are you even listening to me?

-What do you mean it’s probably my fault? Can you divorce dad already, his influence on your brain has been catastrophic.

-Love is a battlefield? Mom seriously. Divorce. Now.

-Ugh yes, I could imprison him in a gigantic safe for a few days instead of killing him, but what on earth would that achieve?

-Well I don’t care about having a husband! Worst case scenario, I’ll just marry Max!

-Yes, Max does look like dad. Yes, he is as dumb as him. YES, MOM, I KNOW. HONESTLY YOU’RE ONE TO TALK 

-Well, I have to go now, but you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about. And by that I mean which care home to put you in cause you’ve obviously lost it. Goodbye, mother.

As soon as Jojo hangs up the phone Melody runs over to autonomously lecture him. Nice move, Mel, let’s peer pressure him till he caves!

-Jojo this is an intervention but please don’t mistake it as me actually caring about you. Your bullshit harem drama has taken over the entire greek house storyline and enough is enough, we demand equal airtime. Just forgive Wyatt already, he’s too hot for you and you were literally dating 2 other dudes at the same time and you also treated him like shit and you are the worst and Gunther is the best and he’s gonna beat you for heir. Melody out.

Yes, powerful stuff, thank you, Mel. Now Wyatt, let’s apologize!

-I’m so sorry I kissed Frances, Jojό, I don’t know what I was thinking </3

That’s a great start Wyatt, now let’s try it facing the right way!

-I’m so sorry I kissed Frances, Jojό, I don’t know what I was thinking </3 Also I’m totally planning our wedding in my head you right now.

Ok, smaller steps, let’s get him to not hate you first!

If there’s one thing I hate about ts2 it’s how ridiculously hard it is to be forgiven for cheating, shit is unreal. Wyatt has been apologizing for about 3 years now and Jojo is still furious jfc, it’s legit easier to get forgiven for cheating irl than it is in this game.

-For the thousandth time, I’m so so sorry Jojό, honestly in the dark of the nuit at first I thought Frances was you and then it was too late!

-Yes, it was also broad daylight.

-Well you know I have bad eyesight, mon cheri :(

Wyatt seriously, we’ve reached the point where you’re throwing junk out there, so let’s take a break.. 

..from this fucking house! It’s date time! Time for dinner and public woohoo in that vegan restaurant downtown, cause I’ve ignored Gunther so hard his aspiration is currently scarlet red. Mel is doing great though, like all knowledge sims in uni, she’s legit never not-platinum. The adorable couple make themselves right at home, by doing literally what they do at home 20h a day. NOT WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR GET UP

-Maybe if we act like children they’ll think we’re under 12 and we’ll get a discount!

-We’re so in sync, babe, I brought my monster trucks with me for this very eventuality!

-Here, let me blow you a kiss, babe. A prelude of tonight’s blowing. 

-Honestly, every time you talk, I just see the eggplant emoji <3

I didn’t vomit from Wyatt/Frances but this date might actually do the trick!

-Do you think the waiter is mad that we insisted on lobster in a vegan restaurant and he had to go fishing for it?

-Whatever, babe, we deserve it. 

-We really do. I ship us.

-I ship us too <3

Good because I don’t anymore.

Yaas, aspiration problems taken care of! Mel’s shy ass hilariously had a fear of having her photo taken, but public fornication she has no issue with.

-Having your photo taken is unnatural! I’m just using the photo booth as god intended. 

Ofc, on the 6th day, god created the photobooth for people to publicly fuck in.

-Wow Mel, my reflection in your sunglasses is so beautiful.

-So is mine in yours, babe.

-I almost wish we could look into each other’s eyes but then it’d ruin our whole look. You know what, screw it..

-..I was gonna wait till we graduated it and were more mature and crap like that, but whatever, babe, when it’s right, you know. Will you marry me, Melody Tinker, despite the certainty that one or more of our kids will get the Komei nose?

-Oh my god, Gunther! I literally thought you’d never ask, because, let’s be real, you’re a gigantic slut.

-These days are gone, babe, I’m a changed man!

-This ring has been in my family for half a generation, ever since my mom stole it from Florence Delarosa who was obviously never gonna need it.

-Oh it’s beautiful and the fact it’s stolen makes it even more precious!

It’s morphin time! Let’s pretend the red around Gunther’s memory signifies passion and not a crippling fear of commitment. Congrats you gross, crazy kids!

It’s also morphine time, cause damn are we broke as shit. In hindsight perhaps we shouldn’t have gotten the lobster.

We return home, where I’m trying to fulfill Jojo’s longstanding wish to see Ti-Ning’s ghost but apparently Ti-Ning is an even bigger asshole dead than he was alive. Bitch seems to be deliberately refusing to scare Jojo, I mean we’ve been standing around playing ghostbusters for like 4 hours now and it’s just not happening-

-but some scary shit IS happening inside. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.

-What!? We’re just talking about our mutual interest in entertainment.

Brit seriously, don’t make me kill you cause I’ll do it, I’m kinda on a roll here and completely exhausted from this fuckery.

-Gawd, fine, I’m gonna go to sleep.

GO TO A DIFFERENT BED. I’ve noticed a sudden and disturbing reappearance of slutty wants in Gunther’s panel immediately after the engagement, which I’m guessing is some kind of regression back to his usual pattern, like he’s rolling wants to woohoo 10 sims and makeout with another 20 and idek. It’s extremely pissing me off and it’s also extremely not happening.

I JUST SAID IT’S NOT HAPPENING. FUCKING STOP IT.

-We’re just friends!!! Paranoid much?

CAN YOU BLAME ME 

Look here, THIS is the distance I wanna see between you two. It’s also NOT the distance I wanna see between Wyatt and Jojo, man this apology shit is taking fucking forever UGGGH

-Jojό, are you still mad at me?

-What do you think?

-No?

-Guess again.

-No?

-Ugh.

-Oh Jojό, I know you hate me but I’m gonna keep apologizing for the rest of ma vie, cause I really have nothing better to do. And also because je t’aime, Jojό.  Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold cœur?

YES. FUCKING FINALLY. I HEAR HEARTS I HEAR HEARTS!!!!!

THEY’RE JUST NOT COMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM!!!!!11

KILL ME. I WILL PAY SOMEONE TO KILL ME. DON’T TELL ME WHEN YOU’RE COMING JUST SHOW UP AND DO IT. TAKE MY CAT ON THE WAY OUT AND FIND HIM A GOOD HOME. I’M DONE.

[its-buckysbabe]

Zelus (1/5)

i finally finished this! istg this was only supposed to be a quick drabble but it got away from me and im now scared for the future. i have another 5 chapters planned... rip in pieces to me.

((((i also lowkey have a feeling bucky would be completely mesmerised by twerking. like it would be a thing for him.))))

Zelus - Challenge

Characters: bucky x reader

Summary: Y/N tells Bucky that she isn’t the jealous type and so it turns into a sort of competition to see if he can make her jealous. based on this prompt by @buckyprompts

Warnings: swearing. implied smut. michael fassbender.

Word count: 2,127 words

Also read here: AO3

Masterlist Part II, Part III

You unceremoniously fell atop of Bucky, laughing but above all trying to catch your breath. His chest below you rumbled as his arms came around you, the left holding you flush against him, while the right settled at the back of your head. You revelled in the feeling of him, surrounding you and touching you everywhere all at once. He gently pressed on the back of your head, guiding you toward him and in an instant, that somehow felt like a lifetime, your lips connected.

God, you’d never get enough of kissing him. Every time his lips touched yours felt just like the first; electric in every sense. You felt him relaxing into the kiss as it turned languid. Unhurried. After the heat of the passion that had enveloped you for the last however long the kiss felt like a respite. Like a cool drink on a hot day, a respite and a chance to recover. You smiled into the kiss and soon Bucky did too, the two of you eventually parting with wide grins taking over your faces.

You reached over him, picking up the remote control from the bedside table to turn the TV back on so that you could finish off your Netflix marathon from which Bucky had distracted – not that you were complaining. You snuggled up into his chest, sighing dreamily as Michael Fassbender's face came back on screen. You'd been watching Centurion when Bucky had come in, being needier than you'd ever seen him. He'd climbed into your bed and under your covers without invitation before attaching his mouth to skin on top of your collarbones and nibbling at it. Not even a minute had passed before you'd literally just turned off the TV, realising that trying to get him to wait until after you were done was futile. And really and truly, you weren't sure you could wait any longer with the way he was making you feel, either.

That had been a little over an hour ago and now all you really wanted to do was cuddle with your boyfriend and watch your other boyfriend's fantastic acting on screen. Bucky didn't seem particularly thrilled if his grumbling was anything to go by.

Ten minutes of enduring his muttered monologue passed before you sighed, yet again, and paused the movie. Again.

“Spit it out.” you finally instructed when Bucky didn't seem to be in any hurry to explain his sudden bad mood.

“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about, doll.” he replied nonchalantly. His face looked the picture of innocence but you called bullshit. This was the second time in one evening that you'd paused your movie for him. You were going to get answers. One way or another.

“Bucky you big fucking baby tell me what the matter is? You've been moaning into my ear for the last quarter of an hour. I just wanna watch my movie in peace. Please.” you responded, your voice taking on a whiny tone. You were tired and starting to feel sore and all you really wanted was to relax but for some reason God hated you.

“Well, why don't you just marry your stupid movie then...” Bucky grumbled quietly, literally pouting. The beginnings of a humongous grin was starting to break out across your face when you realised what exactly was happening.

“James Buchanan Barnes, are you perhaps... by any chance.... just possibly.... a teeny tiny smidge jealous of a fictional character?” you teased in a sing-song voice, your index finger poking Bucky in the chest with every word.

“Not-fucking-likely, doll.” Bucky replied, though you could see a faint blush developing on the apples of his cheeks. Adorable. You saw his eyes shift around, as you watched for any changes in his expression. After all this time you'd picked up on a few things thanks to Nat  and you could see that he was holding something back.

“Hmm Buckaroo, I'm struggling to believe you here. I mean, you come home and basically assault me on my only night off to have your wicked, wicked way with me. And now, instead of cuddling me like you're contractually obliged to you're here muttering in Russian or Romanian or whatever at my poor innocent TV...” you absently ranted, all the while scrutinising Bucky and his body language. You noticed that he'd been running the index finger of his flesh hand over the plates on his metal arm. A nervous habit. You were onto something. You decided to press for more.

“Maybe you're jealous of the way Fassbender looks so hot in that Roman uniform toga thing. I've always had a thing for men in skirts and dresses, you know?” you rambled on yet again, noticing how Bucky's finger stilled for just a fraction of a second when you'd mentioned how hot Fassbender looked. Bingo.

“God, the things I would do to that man...” you sighed dreamily, though on the inside you were doing the utmost to hold your laughter in. Teasing Bucky had always been fun, but teasing a jealous Bucky? You felt like you'd just unlocked a whole new level in your favourite video game.

Barely a second passed before Bucky tangled his flesh hand in the soft tendrils of hair at the back of your neck, using his hold on you to pull you down and meet your lips with his. It was a heated kiss, one filled with passion and barely concealed possessiveness. You kissed him back with the same fervour, the two of you momentarily a tangled mess of swollen lips and barely there pants. That was until you remember why he was kissing you like this and you pulled away to giggle. A lot.

Now it was Bucky's turn to sigh, as he gently rested his forehead against yours. His hand moved down from the nape of your neck and settled on the small of your back, pulling you flush against him. He had a small smile on his face, not really enjoying the reason for your laughter but loving the sound nonetheless. He waited for you to calm down, his face moving to the crook of your neck where he bit you warningly. You laughed a little louder before pulling back and kissing him chastely on the tip of his nose.

“Babe, there’s no reason for you to be jealous. I don't want anyone else but you, okay? I'm yours.” you told him softly, affection saturating your voice but you didn't even mind. Before you'd met Bucky this kind of open display of emotion would have made you squirm in embarrassment but you were far too happy to care. Bucky made you too happy to care. Even when he was being a jealous grouch who was interrupting your Netflix night.

“Good and don't you forget it.” he murmured, his lips brushing softly across yours with every word. You smiled at him, the possessiveness was still in his voice but there was also a tone of pride. He was proud that you were his. It made you tingle all over. You leaned forward, fully kissing him and attempting to deepen it but Bucky wasn't let you in so easy. You kept nibbling and licking at his lower lip, begging for entrance and just when you were at the end of your tether he let you in only to pull completely away from you.

“Y/N?” Bucky mumbled, his voice now an octave deeper, exposing that it wasn't just you who was so affected, even though he'd been the one to stop it.

“Yeah, Buck?” you answered back, leaning in closer to him to kiss a line up the side of his neck and up to his jaw. A strong hand was on your waist, holding you in place but also, somehow, seeming to urge you on. His other hand was holding onto your bare thigh, the contrast between your heated flesh and the cool metal being nothing shy of delicious.

“Do you... ever get jealous?” Bucky suddenly asked you. His question startled you and pulled you out of your lust-induced haze. The hand on your thigh tightened infinitesimally when you stopped placing wet open-mouthed kisses up the column of his throat.

“Nah, that’s not really my kind of thing.” you answer slowly, not really sure where this was going.

“What? Like, at all?” he questions. The disbelief is clear in his eyes and you found it amusing, to say the least.

“Yep.” you nod, popping the 'p'. You slightly tilt your head, looking at him inquisitively. You knew Bucky well enough to know that this definitely wasn't the end of your little discussion.

“So, what if I told you that I find that cute little singer real hot?” Bucky then challenged, a smirk quickly coming over his face. You could see that he was mostly joking, probably to test the waters, but you also knew by the look in his eyes that he was being somewhat genuine.

“Which one do you mean?” you inquire. You knew Bucky had been caught up on the major parts of pop culture that he'd missed out on but he was still finding it a bit tricky to get used to current music. Something about there being too much bass which made no sense to you. At all.

“You know the one that sings that song you like? The Work thing?” he explained.

“You mean Rihanna?” you confirmed.

“Yeah. Her. She's smoking.” Bucky nodded.

“I'd have to agree with you there.” you tell him simply.

“You-you what now?” Bucky spluttered, clearly caught off guard by your comment. You hadn't meant to pull that reaction from him, you were just being honest but damn if you weren't finding this even the slightest bit entertaining.

“I agree. She's hot.” you simply confirmed, keeping your face neutral and your voice steady as if you were discussing something as trivial as the weather.

“Huh.” he eloquently answered. You could see his mind was running a million miles a minute and decided to put him out of his misery with your secret weapon – teasing.

“I see how you're not jealous now....” you quip, your outstretched index finger going to the tip of his nose before bumping it lightly. The hand that had been resting on your thigh gently swatted at your finger, before catching your palm in his and pulling it up to his lips. He softly brushed his lips over your knuckles, intertwining your fingers and resting them in your laps the small space between your torsos.

“No. I am. Trust me. I'm just a little more confused than I am jealous... You really don't mind?” Bucky asked yet again, though this time there was just pure confusion in his face. It seemed like it was dawning on him that for once you weren't teasing.

“Buck, I already told you. I honest to God don’t get jealous. There’s no point.” you settled, a warm smile on your face.

“I know, doll. And I hear you. It’s just hard to believe, is all.” he acknowledged, though the confusion in his eyes was still very obvious.

“And why is that?” you replied, perplexed. You realised that you were perhaps different to what people thought the norm was but at the same time you didn't think that Bucky would have a reason for finding this so difficult to accept.

“I vividly remember being in trouble with several dames back in the day over something like this. I just can’t believe women have change that much in such a short time…” he recalled. His asking the same question ten different ways now made sense.

“Listen here you old fart—that’s not what I’m saying at all. I honestly haven’t dated enough women to have a valid opinion on that. I’m just saying that I’m not a particularly jealous person myself.” you retorted. You were smiling wickedly and Bucky couldn't help but feel the corners of his mouth pull up, too. He loved it when you smiled. That was until your words registered in his head, and his mouth mouth opened in bewilderment. He promptly shut it and gently shook his head. He swore you gave him whiplash with the things you so causally said. One thing at a time, right now, he decided.

“Okay. Alright. I’m choosing to table that discussion for another time. But anyway doll, I won’t believe 'til I see it.” he told you in a challenging tone. You were never one to back down.

“Okay old man. Try me.” you countered.

"Oh, I will.” he said, the challenge still in his voice.

“Now about dating girls. And the Rihanna thing. So how-” he started but you promptly shut him, your hand covering his mouth.

“Don’t even fucking go there, Barnes.“