#cute girls are the cause and solution to my problems

[kangaracha]

QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 32

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pairing chan x reader

genre ninth member au, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,

summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.

Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.

status ongoing

taglist OPEN

a/n everybody. stay calm.

previous | masterlist | next

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"Do you want to go for a walk?" you suggest one glass in, when it becomes clear that you won't be reaching the level of drunk you'd been aspiring to tonight. Not that you'd been aspiring very high anyway; you'd already learned, somewhere in between a myriad of training years, that drinking only caused more problems the next day. Just like smoking, or spending the night with some boy you knew would get cut from the program long before any debut came around to cause problems.

Not that it was hard to find a boy like that, back in the day; most of them were the left-overs from Stray Kids, with no new make debuts in sight. Or that your dating life had even found time to really thrive, when you filled every hour with work.

Anyway, you ask him to walk, knowing that he will say yes, and so you walk, shoulders close but not quite touching, all the way down to the river.

"Wow," he says when you get to the bank, staring out over the still, black water. "That's pretty." 

You agree before you even look, your own eyes mesmerised by the parklands around you. The night is still and cold, the stars blinking through the clouds overhead and your breath rising like a mist in front of you. It had snowed in the evening, a light, fresh coat of powder that just covers the ground. It will be gone in the morning, its beauty as transient as anything else's; but tonight, it feels a little like it fell just for you.

"It's cold," you remark, just to break the still and silent air, your chin finding the shelter of your collar. Chan turns away from the water, stepping close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off his body.

"You wanted to walk," he reminds you as he slips an arm around yours and lets you walk close beside him, leeching off his body heat. "I told you not to."

"I didn't realise it had snowed," you admit. "It's the end of winter. It's not supposed to snow anymore."

"You control the weather now?" he asks, and you slap the arm of his jacket, causing more noise than anything else. "Do you think it snowed just to annoy you?"

"No, it snowed because Jeongin cursed us earlier." You glance back at the city, your apartment building lost in the haze of lights. "He said he hopes it doesn't snow for his graduation, so it's going to snow for the next two weeks now."

"His graduation." Chan pretends to wipe away a tear, even as you smack his arm. "Our little baby, all grown up."

"He's only graduating," you say, watching how he smirks. "He's not getting any older."

"Not like us," Chan sighs. "We get older every day."

"Speak for yourself."

The grin flashes once more across his face and then fades again. "It's so weird, seeing him graduate. He was so small when he joined the company. Unconfident, or whatever the word is."

"He was cute," you agree. "He was my favourite part of the survival show."

"I still can't believe you watched that." His head shakes, even as he smiles. 

Your laughter rises into the still air. "Of course I did," you say on the end of your breath. "I watched everything. I'm the biggest Stay there is now."

"Oh?" His eyebrow raises. "Do you have a bias, then?"

"Why? Are you hoping that it's you?"

"No, no, no," he says, a fraction too early to be casual. "Just wondering."

"Oh." You pretend to be disappointed, kicking at the snow on the ground. "Well, I'm not going to pick you if you aren't going to be excited about it."

"I could be excited about it." 

"You don't look very excited."

"My favourite idol is standing right next to me, so I'm trying to be cool about it."

You snort a laugh. "You're such a loser," you tell him wholeheartedly. It comes out affectionate anyway, just the same as the squeeze he gives your arm in response, his fingers trying to pinch you through your thick winter coat. "Or a shameless flirt. Do you ever wonder why you have like, a million girlfriends?"

"What, Stay?" he asks, his ears turning red. "I don't know why they say that. I didn't do anything."

"You don't even know when you're flirting," you say sadly, shaking your head.

"I know when I'm flirting," he says. "I'm just not flirting with them."

"Who are you flirting with, then?"

He refuses to meet your eye when you look at him, staring out at the river instead, like there is something of extreme interest out there in the still water. "No one," he says defensively.

Weird. Your conversation with Changbin earlier runs through your mind again, narrowing your eyes even as he avoids them. Your mouth almost opens to ask him, just on instinct; and then stops, because you're not entirely sure that he would answer if you did. Or that you want to ask.

"Could have fooled me," you say instead, and watch him breathe out in relief. Weird; Changbin was right, that is the word for it. The way he's acting, the things he is and isn't saying...

"Sorry," he says, like he isn't sorry at all. "It's all a lie. I don't love any of you."

"Or Stay?"

"Nope." He pauses, glancing at the path ahead while he draws in a breath. "Especially not after today. They'll have to try a lot harder than that if they want my respect."

All the breath leaves your chest at once, surprise catching itself in your throat at the thread of vehemency that exists within the even cadence of his voice. "It was only a few of them," you say; though around the constriction of your own chest at the thought of it, you don't know why you're defending them. 

"It's more than a few," he throws back, before you can even decide if you're going to rally a proper argument or not. "I saw a picture of that banner you were talking about. It was..."

"Not worth crying over?" you guess wryly, ignoring the black feeling that twinges in your gut at the memory of it.

"No," Chan replies pointedly, ruffling your hat and the hair underneath. "It was cruel. Don't go around thinking that you deserved that."

"I don't think I deserved it." You take your time fixing your hair, brushing dark locks back away from your eyes. "I've worked for this. I just worry that I'm...wrong."

He is already shaking his head. "You're not wrong. I kind of wish you were, because then that would mean you don't spend every day working yourself to death."

"I'm not working to death."

"Just until your back gives out and your voice starts cracking."

You turn to look at him and the amused smile that hides in the corner of his mouth, affronted. "Excuse me," you say, the airs of your voice rising. "Jagiya, my voice never cracks. I'm a professional."

His smile grows wider, escaping from its prison to light up his face. "That's true," he admits. "It's kind of annoying, actually. You could set the bar lower."

"I can't do that," you answer. "You already told me I have to stop dancing. I can't be bad at both, what will I do then?"

"Visuals?" Chan's eyes narrow, peering at your face like he's evaluating you. 

You wave him away with one hand, ducking away from his scrutiny. "You want me to take Changbin's job? He'll be sad."

Chan shrugs. "We can deal with upset Changbin." You scoff and he laughs, a low noise that rumbles out from the centre of his chest. "Does this mean you're going to listen to me about the dancing, then?"

You can feel your cheeks turn red, the memory of your conversation earlier in the night playing fresh in your mind. You hadn't lied to him - you have been thinking about it, almost obsessively, since he'd sat you down there and told you in no uncertain terms that things would change. That you were the thing that needs to change, as embarrassing and frustrating and utterly confidence-breaking as it is. "Of course I am," you mumble, your voice constricted by some base desire to defend yourself against...what? Your pride? "I listen to you about everything. Why wouldn't I?"

"I wasn't sure," he replies simply, his voice neither accusatory nor pleading. "You were pretty...angry earlier. It didn't seem like you liked the idea."

"I don't like-" You stop yourself midway, forcing yourself to take a breath and collate your thoughts in a way that makes sense. "I don't think it's a good idea for the group. But I get where you're coming from and I...can agree that maybe I need to...tone it down."

"Tone it up," he amends, squeezing your shoulders. "Talk on stage like you do at home, go crazy."

"Do I go crazy at home?"

His head tilts, looking at you. "Not really," he admits freely. "You could try it though."

"I thought you told me I should be myself?"

"Don't use my words against me."

A laugh slips from you, bubbling softly from the back of your throat when you least expect it. It sounds nice in the night air, ringing just so to your attuned ear. It's almost as nice as when Chan laughs along with you, hushed to avoid breaking the stillness of the moment. You should laugh more often; and make him laugh, instead of watching his face pinch with worry. You could both use a little more of the carefree joy he's talking about.

"I deleted all of my social media," you blurt out without precedence, the sudden wish to tell him pressing through the apprehension that had held you back before. "I asked skijigi to manage bubble too. I just have to write something for her to post once a week or whatever."

"That's-" For a second, he is lost for words, his face awe-struck. "You didn't have to do anything today, you know. I only meant for you to think about it."

"I thought about it for the rest of the show," you reply. "I knew anyway. I've been pretending for months that I'd stop looking at fan comments, I just needed you to yell at me for me to...actually do it."

Acknowledge addiction, but you don't want to phrase it like that, not in the face of the wry smile he gives you. Nor do you tell him about the itch under your skin that begs you to go and look at the responses to your performance and your mistake. 

And the period of time when you'd disappeared together with no explanation.

"I'm sorry if it seemed like I was yelling," he says. "I was just trying to tell you-"

"No," you correct him before he can rush to explain a slight that hadn't occurred in the first place. "That was bad phrasing. You were - everything you said was perfect. And right."

"About everything?" he asks, and you nod. "Even about being yourself? Ignoring the company?"

Your answer is slow, your voice without breath as the weight of what he's asking settles upon you. "If you promise to tell me if - anything hurts the group. I - you said earlier that you don't care if we go home because the fans don't like me. I don't want you to think like that and then ignore things."

"Y/N." His arm is like a vise grip around your shoulders, holding on like you might slip away and disappear. "I said that because there's no way it will ever happen. And even if it did, I'm not leaving my whole career to depend on someone's misery. None of us want success like that."

Your mouth opens to protest, your feet stuttering on the pavement. "Don't argue with me," he says before you can speak. "Just accept that you're worth it, okay? To all of us. It's not that unbelievable."

Your mouth closes and then opens again, speechless. Your eyes watch the toes of your boots sinking into the show, your knees almost too weak to carry you. "I'm going to do it," you say, piece by piece. "I can't promise it will change anything though."

"It'll change what happened today," he answers, the level gaze of his eyes too intense for you to meet. "That's all I care about."

You don't know what to say in response, your heart floating on air and crashing to the ground all in the same moment. A breath of cold air saves you, the wind whipping away the shelter of your collar and stinging your cheeks as it whips past. Your hair knows and tangles in the wind; you shove your hat further down on your head and then huddle into your coat, hissing at the cold. "That's freezing," you comment, as if noting it will help to stave it off. "What are we doing out here?"

"You wanted to walk," Chan reminds you, the smug glee in his voice unmistakeable. "I told you it would be cold."

The tension drains from your body as his teasing tone returns, the warm nature of his voice pushing the previous discussion from your mind. "We should have had another drink before we went," you say, and you're surprised to find that you mean it wholeheartedly.

"Are you sure you could handle another one?" he asks. "You're already all sweet and sobby and weird."

"I only had one."

"And look, your face is all red."

You turn to look at him, the mist of his breath whispering past your face. "So is yours," you point out, your finger poking at the flush of his cheek. "You're being a lot weirder than me, too."

"Am I?" he asks, indulgent.

You nod. "Even Changbin messaged me to ask what was up with you earlier."

He frowns, his mouth curving like he's going to pout. "What does that mean? I wasn't being weird earlier."

"I don't know." You shrug, and his arm squeezes your shoulder, pulling you closer again. "I didn't think you were doing anything strange."

"But I am now?"

Your feet ease to a stop in the shadow between streetlights, slipping out of the reach of his arm so that your eyes can search his face, like you'll find the answer written across his forehead or something. He waits patiently, his lips pressed together to hold back a smile while you make your judgement, his eyes daring you to accuse him of something. 

"You tell me," you say after a moment, and you watch with fascination as uncertainty flickers over that face as his confidence crumbles from the inside. You're sure then that he's hiding something, even as he swallows what he's feeling and lifts his chin again, assessing.

"There is actually something I've been meaning to tell you," he says slowly, in the kind of voice that makes your heart suddenly leap and skip a beat in your chest, all of your skin suddenly alive to the touch of his hand against the back of yours, the shift of the air in the yawning space between you. "Although I think you already kind of know."

"Do I?" You search your memory for what he could possibly be talking about, confusion creasing your face, and come up short. Hadn't you just been talking honestly about the day, and the future, and the secrets you might have been withholding from each other? Hadn't he already said everything nice about you that there could possibly be to comment on? You continue down the list, past what he's already said to what he might say next, but still, you don't know - you've talked about your life, and Jeongin, and the future of Stray Kids, and whether or not he is flirting-

Why would you think that, you scold yourself, right as he says, "I don't know if it's good or bad news though."

Your heart lodges itself firmly in your throat without thinking, your chest squeezing - but not with the same black feeling of anxiety that usually plagues you, only some stupid thrill of something like butterflies. "You know you're going to have to come clean now, right?" you ask, trying to play like you're not holding anticipation so tight in your chest at the direction your thoughts are going that it feels like your ribs might cave in; and pretending that there isn't the possibility that you might like it.

"Yeah, I know," he says, and suddenly he can't quite look at you, his head ducking and then turning to look out at the river, the lights, anything but the situation he is creating. Not that he's trying to run away; rather, his weight shifts an inch closer, like two moons that can't pull away from each other. "Now it's awkward though."

You smile in a way that you hope isn't giddy. "And whose fault is that?" you ask, teasing him in just the same way as he would you.

His head tips to the sky, mouth sighing out a breath of mist and hot air. "Mine," he admits freely. "It was a moment of weakness. I thought we were being wild and irresponsible tonight."

"There's still time." You reach out for his hand, lacing your fingers together pointedly. "I can be irresponsible if you can."

"Can you be my friend even if I say something really stupid?" he asks. "At least until we walk home?"

You eye him warily. "Is it that bad?" you ask. 

"No!" he hurries to answer, before you can get any ideas. "It's fine, I swear, it's just-" He stops himself short, drawing in a breath instead of spilling words out on one and composing himself. It's a trick you should learn, you think as you watch it, as he turns back to you and sets his jaw and lines the words up in the back of his throat, right before he starts to speak. 

"I like you," he says, devastatingly blunt.

Your mind freezes, and then starts spinning again twice as fast.

You're pretty sure he can see the race of your heart in your chest, the shock that widens your eyes and sets your spine ram-rod straight. Your mouth opens to say something, and then stops before you can blurt out something stupid like, of course you do, we're friends, or what's that supposed to mean or I like you too. Be cool, you tell yourself instead, sending the instruction sternly to your heart and the fluttering in your chest like it will help. If anything, it only makes the world around you spin more, the river and the stars and the dim light of the lanterns that line the path blurring together into a background of black and grey that pinpoints your focus on only one thing.

Him.

"Sorry," he says again, though even he doesn't seem to understand what he's apologising for. "That's confusing. I - am in love with you? I have a big, stupid crush on you. And I know that it's not...ideal, when we have to work together forever, and I will not be offended if you turn me down, or even sad, I just wanted you to know because we keep promising not to lie to each other and it feels like I'm lying to you all the time-"

You don't think before you step forward, your mouth shutting him up as effectively as any words would.

It's simple and fleeting, your lips pressed to his and your hands curled around the lapels of his jacket. His mouth is soft and accepting, a gasp catches in the back of his throat, and then-

And then he pulls away, his eyes wide and his chest heaving in a startled breath. You can feel the movement of his ribcage under his jacket - stunned, you let go, ducking your head as shame fills your cheeks. Crazy, you chastise yourself, before his open mouth can even begin to say it for himself. That's not what he meant. That's not what he wanted.

His hands reach for you first, fingers grazing the edge of your jawline. The soft cup of his palms forces you to look up at him again, into those soft brown eyes you're too afraid to meet-

He kisses you again, harder this time. Desperate, and hungry, his mouth searching and his body so close that the heat of his skin sets you alight too. There's no escape, but there isn't anywhere you want to go anyway - not when you can stay here in this moment forever, captured in the taste of his mouth and the soft touch of his fingers sliding along the back of your neck. You emerge, breathless, only when he pulls away again, staring at you like there is nothing else in the world worth seeing.

"That feels like it was a mistake," you say quietly, though you can't miss the gaping hole in your tone where the regret should be.

"Sorry," Chan answers, and puts another inch of space between you. "If you didn't want-"

You reach up again, pressing a fleeting kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I wanted," you answer firmly when you are sure he's speechless, your fingers curling into his shoulder. "I don't think it was the smartest thing to do, but...I wanted. So I did." His eyes look at you like they don't believe you, his mouth opening again to issue some guilt-free ticket out. "You told me to do whatever I wanted."

A surprised laugh sputters out of his mouth. "I didn't think that you felt the same way," he answers.

"Neither did I," you say slowly. "I didn't even realise it was an option."

"I thought you already knew," he says, bemused.

"No?" you say. "Why would you think that?"

"Because - it was something you said earlier. It doesn't matter." He waves it away before you can probe any further, his fingers landing in the length of your hair, messing with the dark locks. "Does this mean you'll still be my friend while we walk home?"

The back of your hand thumps solidly against his chest, a stupid giggle bursting from his mouth at the sound that it makes. "This is serious, you know," you tell him, but there's a laugh hiding in the back of your throat as well, threatening to break free at the face he pulls at you. "We can't just-"

His mouth swallows the words that are about to spill out of your own, shutting you up more effectively than anything he could have said. "Greedy," you murmur when he pulls away and he laughs, the warmth of his breath ghosting across his face. 

"I wanted," he says, his voice so low that even if there were other people around, only you would hear it. "So I did."

You hit him again. He laughs.

"Let's go home," he says, turning you back the way you came with the hand that he takes in his own. "It's too cold out here for this."

"For what?" you ask insistently, even though you follow along too giddy and willing to sell the ire in your voice. You feel kind of like you're floating - like all the alcohol has hit you at once. Like you've just won something that you've wanted your whole life, even though you only realised you wanted it in the last ten minutes. 

"For whatever you're trying to argue about now," he tells you, ever patient, and drags you onwards. "And another drink."

"That's all?" 

"What else do you want?"

Your answer hesitates for a moment, even at the sight of the cunning smile that plays on his lips, waiting for you to speak. I don't know, you almost say simply out of habit; and then stop yourself short, because this time, it isn't true. This time, you do know what you want, and you have it right here in the palm of your hands.

And for once, you look at him and there is not a doubt in your mind that you know what he is thinking. What he wants, what he is brave enough to admit even when you were too scared to so much as consider it. You, and him, and nothing else, not for tonight.

"I don't want anything else," you answer, quiet but true, the smile on your face so much softer than the nervous, giddy energy that jolts through your veins at the thought of it. "Just what I already have. That's enough."

"Me too," he answers, and squeezes your hand as he leads the way home.

TAGLIST

@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids

@hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts

@puppy-minnie @readerofallthingss @dvbkie099 @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @acker-night

@d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk

@minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder @amesification

@starssongs98 @weirdhumanbeinglol @morinuu @the-weird-mold-in-the-sink @bokkiesplace

@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @skzstaykatsy @blackhairandbangs @jungkookies1002

@hyuuukais @imsiriuslyreal @thatonedemigodfromseoul @gini143 @mercurywritesstuff

@splat00z @filmbypsh @palindrome969 @crabrangoongirl25 @enzos-shit

@jabmastersupriseee @kayleefriedchicken @hynjinswrld @duhgurl @cheshireshiya

@keepswingin

[kawhh]

Do you ever just think about dark!Quinn and dark!Jack fucking your pussy at the same time? 🫣🫢

The wind is so strong today. Geez.

The wind, huh? Hmmmm.

Warnings: My brain. The versions of them in my brain. Quinn being pussy hypnotized. Size kink mentions. Manhandling, you don't give permission. Bruising grips to keep you in place. Ignoring your pain. Heavy cum talk. Both of them cumming inside you at the same time if that gives anyone problems.

You'd be fucked the minute the thought entered their heads. They're like dogs with a bone when it comes to your body, to owning you, to making you scream in pleasure.

Fixated on the stretch of your cunt around their cock every single time they're railing you. Slowing down, speeding up, wanting to see you squeeze around them in every way they can.

The way your pussy grips onto them, trying to pull them back into you. It's addictive. You're stretched around even one of them, your body struggling to cope with the sheer size of them.

The withdrawals hit when they can't fuck your cute little cunt. Watching the other brutalise you is hot for them, but it doesn't scratch the itch. Doesn't stop their cock from throbbing.

They've tried every other solution they can think of. One of them behind you, grinding against you while you're fucked from below. They've tried fucking your mouth. They've tried your ass.

Nothing hits as well as your cunt. Nothing makes them feel as close to you, nothing grips them as well. Nothing brings you the same pleasure either.

Their next step wasn't planned. At least not fully. A simple slip. A series of events.

Quinn having one of his possessed nights, rutting up into you with all the force he can muster. His hips wild, his grip on your hips bruising. His speed causing problems for Jack, his cock strugging to stay in your ass.

You keep jolting from the force, his cock head being dragged out from you. He can't control Quinn, can't make him stop. He's too far gone, too high on the feel of your cunt.

Your body spasming when Quinn cums, catching Jack off guard. His head fully slipping out, hitting your cunt. His eyes wide as he rests just below where Quinn's cumming, the size difference of both of them against your cute little hole making his head spin.

You're so small. It's surprising that you can even take one of them without screaming in pain. He can't look away. He can't think, he can't speak. He's never wanted anything more in his life.

How hadn't they thought about it? They'd tried so many things.. but never this?

He's ignoring Quinn's protests as he lifts you up, needing a better angle. It won't work from here, it'll be too awkward to fuck you. The cum dripping out of your pussy against both of their cocks only shocks his brain more.

He knows Quinn won't protest much as soon as he's back in your cunt. It's almost scary how much he focuses on your cunt. He's not as controlled. It'll work as a distraction for you while Jack tries his luck.

He's pushing you further, forcing you down on Quinn. Slightly distracting him with the way your tits are buried against his face now. He can see around you enough to see his mouth latched onto your tit, his pace increasing in and out of your cunt.

It's giving Jack an easier path to you, pushing against your occupied hole. The most he gets from Quinn is a quick glance as he parts from your tit for air. No protest in his eyes, only acceptance with a tint of greed.

You're squirming between them, feeling the pressure from the second cock head pressing against you. Whines and complaints leaving your adorable mouth between your broken moans.

It doesn't matter how much you thrash, there's no way you're escaping both of their holds. Their nails digging into your skin, keeping you pinned in place. You might be scared, but you're their little whore. Their good girl. You'll take it.

He's unconcerned about your small noises of pain as his head pushes further, stretching your walls obscenely around both of them. Rolling his eyes as Quinn doesn't help, he's still too focused on cumming again inside of you.

He's timing it well, waiting until Quinn's thrusting out of you, taking advantage of the room to line himself up further, his head fully pushing through on Quinn's next thrust.

He feels drugged, his head thrown back. Feeling like he can't breathe, struggling to get enough oxygen in his lungs. You're so fucking tight he could scream. He's being dragged along with Q's thrusts.

He doesn't think he's capable of thrusting himself. He'll cum. His cock feels like it's being strangled but it feels so fucking good.

Quinn's still not slowing down. It's ruining him. You're screaming. You're crying. Your little fists hitting against both of them. You won't get Q to stop and Jack's not sure he could leave your cunt even if he wanted to.

He can feel his balls tighten. His urge to cum inside you with his brother is dangerous. They'd flood you, you'd be plugged with their cum. Their cocks aren't coming out of you soon. They'll probably have to be soft and there's no way you won't be sore after.

The feeling of Q cumming inside you again triggering his body, shocks zipping down his spine like a switch was flipped. Your walls clenching even further around them, Jack's teeth clenching against each other from the rush.

The strangled moan leaving his throat loud enough to make him worry about a noise complaint, cum spurting from him, mixing with Q's cum. You're fully collapsed against Quinn now. He's not sure if you're even conscious. He's not fully sure he cares.

It's the answer to their problems. Swirlling the cum mixture around you with every aftershock thrust. There's no room for it to drip out of you, your walls stretched too tightly around them.

[d8nielaa]

hi 👋🏽 can i request a sodapop imagine where soc!reader asks him to be her fake boyfriend so she can get another soc boy off her back. so they play it off for weeks but it turns out soda really likes the reader so he’s super protective and caring and overall just a sweetheart. and then something happens a fight maybe, and soda is bruised up and reader takes care of him and asks what caused it and says “you” and she’s not getting it, so he kisses her and yeah 🫶🏾 thank you 💜

Authors Note: ofcc anon!! protective soda is all I can think about and this is definitely gonna help me like get it out of my system. The heart over Jason is so realll

Always you

Sodapop Curtis x fem soc!reader

Reader referred to as “y/n/n” & “baby”

It was normal Thursday morning, that’s what it was supposed to be. You were walking into school with a few of your friends when a hand had grabbed your shoulder, and yanked you backwards. When you turned around to see who it was, you saw Daniel. He was one of the Soc boys you grew up with, but you never really liked his vibe. You didn’t really like hanging out with him because he was always pining after you.

Most people would be like “aww that’s so cute” but it wasn’t. He was weird about it, a little creepy almost. You caught him staring, which was normal for someone with a crush, but when you caught him he wouldn’t look away. He would just keep staring. Which creeped you the hell out. He just wouldn’t leave you alone, and you desperately needed an escape.

“Hey baby, ya got a date to the school dance?” God you hated when he called you that. He had no respect for boundaries whatsoever.

“No Daniel, im not going-“

“Why not?! It’s the school dance, you have to come. Everyone’s expecting you to be there.”

“Nobody’s expecting me to be there, and I just don’t want to go so..”

“Well you coming! And you’re coming with me” Daniel said, a smug grin on his face.

“Oh no im not.” You stated firmly, crossing your arms and backing away from him.

“Oh yes you are-“ Daniel got cut off.

“Asshole! The hell do you think you’re doing?” You turned you head to see Ace and Two-Bit. You had grown accustomed to them since they were in some of your classes. You didn’t care if they were greasers, people are people. Rich or poor. They had become your friends because they truly understood you for who you are.

Daniel was scared of greasers, you knew that. He was afraid that if they touched him in any way, he wouldn’t be alive. Which was the stupidest thing you’d ever heard. He immediately backed off, practically running into the school hallway.

You walked closer to Ace and Two-Bit, a thankful smile on your face.

“Thank you Ace, seriously. I can’t keep doin’ this anymore but, I don’t know how to stop him.”

Ace nodded her head sympathetically, looking at you as Two-Bit wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“It’s no problem, a girls gotta help a girl out.” The greaser girl said with a soft smile, causing you to smile as well. You all stood in silence for a moment, your mind running at a hundred miles per hour as it tried to come up with a solution. Then, it clicked.

“Wait, you know Sodapop right?” You asked, a soft smile on your face.

“Yeah he’s my best frien-“ “and mine to!” Two-Bit said, interrupting Ace as she confirmed that she knew Soda.

"Do you know where he lives?" You asked, which sounded a bit creepy now that you were replaying your words in your head.

"Yeahhhh, why?" Ace asked, looking suspicious.

“Can you take me to his house-like after school. I have an idea.”

———————————————————————

~ Later in the day, the Curtis house ~

Ace, Two-Bit, Johnny, and Ponyboy, took you to the Curtis house, where you thought Sodapop would be, but he wasn’t.

“Soda’s at work, he’ll be home soon.” Ponyboy said, causing you to nod your head before hanging by the front door.

"I can come back later if you wan-"

"No! stay please! I need someone to talk to" Ace said, grabbing your hand and tugging you inside the house. Two-Bit looked at her, slightly offended.

"You can talk to me" He said, his hands on Ace's hips as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Yeah, but your not a girl”

———————————————————————

You and Ace had talked for a while, entertaining yourselves until Sodapop came home. At some point during your conversation, Ace fell asleep, which left you with an also sleeping Two-Bit. You sat there awkwardly, feeling slightly out of place. You contemplated just leaving, but before you could get deep into your thoughts, the front door opened and slammed shut.

Your head immediately turned to the side, slightly afraid that it was someone coming to rob the place or something of the sorts. You let out a sigh of relief when you saw Soda, who looked confused to see you sitting on his couch with one of his best friend's heads on your lap, while his other best friend slept by your feet.

"Hi Soda" You said quietly, a soft and warm smile on your face as your spoke.

"H-hi y/n/n, what are you doin' here?" He asked, confused as ever.

"Oh right-" You mumbled, gently moving under Ace, resting her head on the couch as you stood up, walking over to the confused Curtis boy.

"I have a-i have a favor to ask you." You whispered, looking up at him with a pleading look in your eyes. He looked down at you, reading your expression and realizing that this was urgent.

"Yeah-yeah okay, we can go to my room." Sodapop said, beginning to walk over to him and Ponyboy's shared room, gesturing for you to follow him, which you did. He glanced around the empty room, before opening the door a little more and letting you step in first. You walked in, sitting on the small bed. He shut the door, peeling off his blue collared work shirt and throwing it into some random corner of the small room.

He looked down at you, waiting for you to speak. You cleared your thought, now feeling a little embarrassed to ask.

"There's this guys-a soc, and he keeps botherin' me..just flirty stuff but it makes me uncomfortable- like super uncomfortable and he just won't leave me alone and I just-i just can't take it anymore."

Sodapop nodded his head in understand, feeling slightly angered by your situation.

"and I was wondering if you would-um..if you would be my fake boyfriend, only for a couple weeks! nothing serious or anythin'" You said, mumbling the last part. He didn't say anything, and you thought he was weirded out by your request, so you stood up.

"Sorry it's stupid. I should just figure somethin' else out-"

"I'll do it." He stated firmly, blocking the door so you couldn't leave."

"I-what?" You asked, genuinely wondering if you heard him right.

"You need my help, and I'm gonna help you. In any way I can." He said, his tone genuine, which made you smile softly.

"okay..okay thank you-so much Soda." He smiled at your words, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder, which sent butterflies down your stomach despite it being such an innocent and friendly touch.

"It no problem, really. Anythin' to help a pretty lady out." You smiled, which sent you into step two of your plan, ground rules.

"Alright, ground rules?" You asked, which Soda nodded his head yes to.

"Okay, physical touch, yes. but not to much. definitely no making out or kissing, unless we ABSOLUTELY need to." You said, which made Soda tilt his head in confusion.

"When would we absolutely need to?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the course of the first few weeks, things went smoothly. Soda would pick you up after school, and take you to the DX until his shift was over. Then, he'd either take you home, or to his house. Daniel had slowly began to become jealous, which made you smile every time you thought about it. Your plan was all falling into place.

Soda was the sweetest. A gentleman. Now you understood why almost every girl in Tulsa had a crush on him. He was handsome, and a flirt. But also sensitive and kind. Everything a girl could only hope for. He would open the door for you, extend his hand when you would get up from a chair and etc. It almost felt real, the butterflies in your stomach thought so. At certain times, you wished it was real.

One time, the two of you were walking to his house from the drive in, and your feet had began to hurt. Your pearly white mary janes were certainly not helping, so. You had let out a whine, another shock of pain shooting through your foot and leg.

"What's wrong?' Sodapop asked, looking down at you with concern.

"My feet..they hurt." You had mumbled, which caused Sodapop to chuckle. Without another word, he undid the little belt of your shoes, carefully taking them off your feet. Then, he picked you up bridal style, holding you close to his chest with your shoes hanging off his fingers. He smiled down softly at you, seeing your surprised, yet calm expression. It was moments like those when you wished it was real.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, you were walking out of school with the rest of the students. You knew Sodapop was waiting for you, and you quickly rushed to find him. He wasn't in his usual spot, which immediately spiked something from within you.

Then, you noticed a small crowd forming in a circle. You quickly ran over, pushing people aside to see who it was. Your eye's widened when you saw Sodapop, practically straddling Daniel. Daniel's nose was bloody; probably broken. And Sodapop's knuckles were also covered in blood. You gasped at the sight, covering your mouth as you felt a tug on your arm from behind you. Ace turned you around, making sure you didn't see what was happening while Steve and Two-Bit pulled Sodapop off the Soc boy.

Two-Bit said something to Daniel, before calling you and Ace over, Steve following behind. The whole way to the Curtis house, you walked in silence with Soda. You didn't know what to say, you didn't think it would go that far.

Sodapop couldn't stand your silence, he thought you were angry at him. He thought he had messed up and threw away his chances with you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you arrived at the Curtis house, you immediately dragged Soda into the bathroom. You walked in, pulling him in with you and shutting the door. You gestured for him to sit on the toilet, which he immediately did. You then bent down, searching for the first aid kit. Once you found it, you opened it and grabbed some sanitizing wipes, ripping the packet open and pulling out the wipe. You then moved over, standing in between Soda's legs, tilting his chin up to wipe the small cut on his face.

"This is gonna sting." You had mumbled, before gently placing the wipe on the cut and disinfecting it. Sodapop let out a small hiss, his hand coming up to squeeze your hip. You blushed at this, but shook your head. Now was not the time.

The two of you stayed in silence, before you asked the inevitable question.

"So, what happened?"

"What?"

"What happened Soda? how did the fight start?" You asked, not angry, just curious. He stayed silent for a hot minute, before speaking.

"You"

"...what?"

"You started the fight" You looked down at him in confusion, genuinely not getting what he was telling you.

"No I didn't Soda, I wasn't there when it started."

"No! thats not what I meant"

"Well than what did you mean, because if your implying that I-"

Sodapop cut you off with a soft kiss to your lips, his hand on your hip. Your eyes widened in surprise, before suddenly relaxing. You shut your eyes, letting out a soft sigh into the kiss. Your hands slowly came up to his face, holding it gently as the two of you continued to kiss.

The kiss was perfect, so warm and gentle. It made the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely insane. The way he held your hips, squeezing them gently as the kiss went on. And how he had sat up just to kiss you. God, this man was perfect. After a while, the two of you pulled away for air. Your face was flushed, a soft pink hue coming onto your cheeks. Soda on the other hand, had a smirk on his face.

"So thats what you meant!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Authors Note: Hi babies!! Sorry for not uploading in a while, school has been biting my butt...but im all better now! please please PLEASE keep the requests coming!! I love writing your requests and hearing your ideas!!

[beevean]

You know what. I'm salty at the defenses I am seeing towards Lenore from her stans who swear she's morally grey and tried her best, so here's a collection of ways the show told us she has good traits, but showed the complete opposite.

Under cut because I like my images.

Lenore is said to be an animal lover, so kind and selfless that she'd tear the castle upside down for the sake of making a splinter for a spider. She also describes Morana as someone who enjoys torturing people because she finds it calming. Yet, when Carmilla is called out for beating up and dragging Hector to Styria in precarious conditions, it's Morana who points out the pragmatic inefficacy of such a treatment, using more or less the argument of someone who disapproves of torture, while Lenore simply giggles as she speaks, and only intervenes to propose to "solve Hector's problem". She looks like she isn't taking Hector's situation as seriously as a supposed animal lover would if they heard of a dog getting abused, and is only enjoying the schadenfreude of her bestie getting reprimanded: her proposal, therefore, only seems to come from a place of wanting to flex her skills to one-up Carmilla, like an insecure girl trying to keep up, and not out of pity for the "mistreated animal" that is Hector.

Lenore's reaction to Hector threatening her, which she takes more as an insult to her demure appearance than a real concern, is to savagely beat Hector to a pulp and then molest him with a forced kiss, in what is clearly not self-defense, or even a fair punishment, and more of a way to make him feel weak. This is completely against the point of a supposed pacifist who doesn't need Carmilla's brutal methods to wrap people around her fingers, and the only reason she got away with this is that she found a way to blame Hector while Carmilla could not. She never raises a finger again, not even when justified, like when Isaac actually threatens her life, making this act feel OOC at best and utterly vile at worst, painting her as a lying bully who picks on weak people when it's convenient to her.

Striga, the one Lenore describes as a "warrior", is the one denouncing that using Hector to create an army would kill too many people, and Morana, the one Lenore describes as someone who delights in torture, is the one who proposes the more peaceful compromise of hiring mercenaries. It is all for pragmatic and not moral reasons, but by all means, they have found a way to make an army by causing less bloodshed than Carmilla had planned.

Lenore, who loudly denounces hating war later on and has overheard the two talking, ends up forcing Hector in the position of slave anyway, meaning the others have no choice but to use him, and we do see in S4 that they deliver fresh corpses for Hector to turn into Night Creatures. More people died than necessary, because of her. This implies that Lenore does not care in the slightest about humans' wellbeing and to prevent needless death, and makes her choice to enslave Hector all the more self-serving, to prove herself and to get herself a cute fuckable pet.

You don't get to cry that you don't like when people die when you had a much better solution in front of you and you sabotaged it all so that you could parade your success to the council for the sake of looking cool and efficient.

Also, notice the wording. It's not that war and mass extermination is wrong and atrocious: after all, "Carmilla's plan buys [them] security for hundreds of years," and that's all Lenore cares about. But it makes her uncomfortable. God forbid she isn't living in perfect peace with herself.

Lenore uses rape by deception to force a slave ring on Hector that would physically bind him to the castle and stop him from harming the council. This feels highly unnecessary, considering Hector clearly liked and trusted Lenore by the time she gave him that book, and the only reason he hesitated to accept her deal was his fear of Carmilla... a problem that solved itself once Lenore said "actually Carmilla no longer needs you" (although the show forgets about Striga's reasonable concerns about using a Forgemaster to build an army). She could have sweet-talked Hector into accepting to be her pet, since she was the only one left in the castle who wanted him alive and well, and were she a good manipulator, he would have accepted. Hell, she could have given him the ring too, if she really wanted him to work (she could have simply not mentioned that effect of the ring until it was too late). No need for violence and submission with a prisoner this pliant. Lenore clearly draws pleasure out of humiliating Hector - see also the leash, which had no purpose other than to make Lenore aroused at the mental power she holds over Hector (this counts as psychological torture, by the way) - and if she eavesdropped on Striga, who also complained about Lenore taking too long to "domesticate" Hector, then the choice to rape him into slavery seems to come out of spite against her for underestimating her and from a desire to prove herself, because she couldn't handle the idea of being considered useless or obsolete, compounded by the disgusting way she gloats to the council afterwards like she's looking for approval from her evil sisters.

Lenore, the supposedly highly skilled diplomat who is on good terms with her friend Carmilla and who despises being seen as "soft and weak" for her pacifism, only cowers into submission when she rants about wanting to expand her plan of conquest. She makes zero effort to talk her out of it, or to strike a compromise with Striga and Morana when they're set to slaughter armies of innocent farmers (which they show more pity for!), only going to pester Hector while he's working because "he listens to her" (not pointing out that he literally doesn't have a choice). She comes off as a massive coward who can only talk the talk with mentally vulnerable people but doesn't try to make her voice heard when it becomes time to actually be a real diplomat, not just a sexual dominatrix. (I'm also personally disappointed that her idea of "protecting" Hector from Carmilla's increasing ire is to essentially call him too much of a retard to be plotting betrayal, and not, say, to physically put herself in harm's way to show how she truly cares about him.)

Lenore, the supposed animal lover who prides herself in her desire to "make peace", shows no moral concern about Carmilla's nightmarish plan of turning the world into a penstock. No talk about the terrible living conditions humans would be forced in, the diseases that would kill thousands, the forced breeding and all that it entails. Nothing of this. Not only she admits that she went along with the plan because "the pen was about securing our survival and safety for centuries to come. It was an insane idea, but we could stretch and make it work", confirming that she's fine with massive "animal" abuse for the sake of food, but Lenore's major concern is her own self-esteem, as she feels sidelined by the others and like there's no place for her skills in Carmilla's view of the world, which makes her feel useless:

[...]

[...]

(her complaining to the man that she raped into slavery that she feels sad that "he was the last problem she had to solve" is only the cherry on top of the shit cake. something something "oh shush you were having fun")

She could have made a more general point about how she's concerned that the time of peace seems to be over, but then why make it all about what she can offer? Remember: she chose to rape Hector into slavery so that he'd be forced to lend his Forging powers, rather than let Morana hire mercenaries, heavily suggesting that her main concern was not Hector's wellbeing, but her own reputation as an indispensable part of the council. This is only confirmation.

The finale truly clinches how little Lenore cared about the moral implications of Carmilla's plan, echoing the "war makes me uncomfortable" sentiment from S4E2:

She was not horrified by the fact that Carmilla would have brought incommensurable death and mayhem, but that she would have upset Lenore's comfortable life too much. Zero character development or coming around. Her "animal lover" trait was only an excuse to treat Hector like a dog, not any shade of true compassion.

Lenore, who allegedly has come to care for Hector as a person and someone worthy of love, not only never once asks him his opinion or how he's doing, but she viciously rebukes him when he dares to complain about the way she "solved" his problem (which, as a reminder, was lying to him that she wanted to run away with her, to get him to have sex with her under the false pretense that she was his ally, so that she could put a painful slave ring on his finger and then smirking while he was in agony - she shows no remorse about any of this)...

... and then doesn't seem to even consider the idea of freeing him of the ring once the castle is under attack, knowing full well that the ring, that she put on him and she gloated about and she was reminded of some days prior by a disgruntled Hector, traps him inside.

I talked more about the appalling and one-sided way Lenore treats Hector in S4 here.

Lenore, who allegedly is "different" from other vampires and strives to be more human, by the end of the day behaved no differently from them: she lived and died as a hedonistic, sadistic, treacherous, self-centered, arrogant, power-hungry, possessive, stagnant, cowardly bastard who folded the moment things got a bit uncomfortable for her. If the idea was that she wanted to be better than her own nature, she failed spectacularly, as she clearly enjoyed all the perks of vampirism like feeding on human blood and hoarding "lost" technology she could flex to the stupid human and beating up humans and owning human pets that would make her feel better about herself. Her "diplomacy" is nothing more than a façade and looks more like a refusal to rock the boat than a real principle of hers. The most one can say about her that is different from other vampires is that her sense of self-esteem was incredibly brittle, as most of her worst actions seems to be driven by a desire to be accepted by her peers, and it's what makes her so weak and petulant in S4 - the writing's "attempt" to make her look like an immature girl, I suppose. Her only "good" actions were keeping her promise of improving Hector's living conditions (but moslty because she needed him to be in top working and fucking conditions), choosing him over her old friend when Isaac attacked (although I don't know what she planned to do with him), and removing herself out of Hector's life so that he could finally be free of her toxic influence. For the rest, she was in short a selfish centrist with no alliance other than to herself, whose main concern was her own comfort and pride, whose biggest source of pleasure was lording her power over the one creature more pathetic than herself, and who, as she put it, "lived a lie" of being a better person than she was willing to admit.

It's almost impressive how Lenore comes off as a bigger hypocrite than Carmilla, who is one canonically. She could be such a despicable villain with even a hint of depth, if the writing (and its fans) didn't lie to me with a bold face about her "inner goodness" or shit. She's not morally grey just because she didn't kill people on screen (although, given that she's an old vampire...), she's just a two-bit antagonist in the grand scheme of things and a waste of true moral complexity.

[cancerian-woman]

Season 1 and Season 2 Bonnie is so overhated by the fandom.

Yes, she is. I personally love that era of that baby witch. Though we didn’t get to see what she did when she set boundaries it’s nice that she got to walk away. Bonnie was so witty at times but very easy to understand. C: I let him bite me. B: why would you do that? 😭 she’s so cute. Anyway!

Those fans were calling Bonnie and Kat racial slurs all because Bonnie choose to protect the town over sympathizing with Damon & Stefan who weren’t acting like her friend lol.

No one ever holds Grams death in the same lenses as they do with Jenna or Liz. Despite having lost a relative who understood her the most. So it doesn’t matter to them that Bonnie was doing what she thought her Grams would’ve done. All they see is Bonnie “betraying” her friends lmao. When neither Stefan or Damon acted as such to her. They just saw her as a tool to keep Elena alive.

“She lied about the Gilbert device and…” Yet no one ever has a solution to what should’ve been done about those hungry ass vampires in the tomb.

“She treated Caroline poorly, Elena never got that…” Those fans have more negative things to say about Bonnie. Who only walked away and chose to distance herself… than they ever do for Katherine for murdering Caroline. Liz for calling her child a monster and Bill for his weird conversion therapy on his child. Yet, Bonnie the 17 year old who gets more flack for suggesting that Caroline be healed by Damon. When it comes to Elena we never get any input on Bonnie’s feeling outside of a one-liner situation.

It’s okay that Elena (sometimes…) and Caroline are children and make rash decisions but the adultification of Bonnie Bennett… my poor girl.

The same people who were so loud about their hatred for Bonnie. Simultaneously, blame her for all the problems in the series when she is the one fixing up messes that were caused by vampires.

[kamiiik0]

Hi honey I want to manifest being super popular and known on the networks but I don't have the best pictures and all that, because I also want to manifest a whole new look I don't know if it's possible. But I want to manifest being as beautiful as a pinterest girl and have millions of followers and cute celebrities writing me and all that. But I see it impossible is the problem and I constantly struggle with that, because I get doubts and I think they won't be reflected in the 3d. Visualization doesn't suit me but affirmations more or less so would my appearance without surgery really change in the 3d? And the same with popularity without doing anything? And also is it possible to have a different eye color if science doesn't allow it? How robotic claims will do everything in 3d? And without action? Thank you

EDIT: if you're the person that asked me about the post not being reflected in the 3d, again, then read this post about the 3d

"but I see it as impossible is the problem and i constantly struggle with that."

"is it possible to have a different eye colour if science doesn't allow it?"

"would appearance really change in the 3D?", "I want to manifest a whole new look but I dont know if it's possible "

Sweetheart... First off, you are really off from the law, Please read this with an open mind, I do not mean this in a disrespectful way. But, you are literally running away from manifestation and the law of assumption. You can contradicting your own affirmations by telling yourself "I don't know if it's possible", "is it possible?" "can I do __ even if its against science?".

First of all, you do NOT struggle with anything. It's that you are assuming that yiu struggle with xyz and think it's impossible. Hun, its not just a thought, its an assumption. You constantly assume that it's hard and even impossible to manifest, and guess what? that's what is ultimately happening. Why? law of assumption. So, flip those thoughts around. Assume manifesting is easy for you, and it always has been, that you're a master at this. And no, you are not "lying to yourself" because of this, simply because your assumptions ARE reality. Secondly, manifesting is illogical, in a good way, What i mean by that is it goes beyond logic. Science has NOTHING to do with manifesting. It doesnt matter if science has deemed it "impossible", manifesting goes beyond that. Thirdly, you live in your 4D, not the 3d. your thoughts ARE reality, not your 3d.

So the solution to your ask, ASSUME. assume you have your desires, and its done. Literally. And don't spiral because of the 3d, cause it's one and only job is to reflect your desires.

[mochicrackersss]

Blog Post - Your Name ᯓᡣ𐭩‧₊˚ ⊹

The movie Your Name is so recognizable within anime communities and is vastly known for its beautiful animation and endearing story. So why the hell have I not watched it until this class??? I knew for years this film would be right up my alley, and I loved watching similar movies like Suzume, Belle, and Weathering with You in the past. I even know the famous end-credit scene where Mitsuha and Taki reunite on the staircase years later. So I think I'm just insane or something, I don't know lol.

The movie was super cute, especially with its time-traveling Freaky Friday-like plot. I found the main characters endearing, with their struggles and embarrassment to live as the opposite sex. I liked how eventually, the two of them began to enjoy each other's lives and even helped save it. And I always enjoy a story that mentions the concept of the "red thread," or "Musubi" in the movie. The idea is that everything in the world is connected by time and place. Especially your soulmates, platonically or romantically, are all tied to your body by an unseeable thread until you find them is super fascinating to me. It felt similar to the anime, Kamisama Kiss, where the human girl Nanami and the fox spirit Tomoe were bound to fall in love again across every lifetime.

I will add that this movie surprisingly was an in-depth commentary on gender performance. A scene that stood out to me was when Taki, in Mitsuha's body, kicked a desk to stop the school bullies from talking behind her back. Everything that normal Mitsuha has done, being nice to them, staying quiet, and not bringing anything up, is stereotypically considered a "feminine" reaction to bullying. Your Name tells us that being feminine isn't the solution, and to stop someone from bullying you, the victim has to reject them in a "masculine" way (i.e. kicking your desk or getting into a fight). Of course, this isn't 100% true in reality, but the concept behind it is seen in the real world. Women have been taught for generations to bottle up their problems and not cause a scene so they aren't a nuisance, so some close-minded people believe only being a man or being masculine will get things done.

[breserker]

fandom treatment of wlw especially in the last decade has started to really skeeve me out to downright making me angry. as i was in a wlw relationship myself that was growing increasingly serious to the talk of marriage all the cutesy wlw stuff started to be....flattening, to me, and because of its wlw nature it took on a sort of different beast where it wasnt just normal fandom flattening but wlw flattening too-- for some reason lesbian ships were always morally superior because they had less problems than any ship containing men gay or not, that the lesbians were inherently sweeter and kinder and were perfect

and just, even when my relationship was going so good people thought we were already married, it was never like that. we had triggers and issues and just aesthetically didnt want to be seen as cute, we were adults and wanted to be treated as such. it was just like any other relationship (this is what normalize actually means, btw: theres nothing inherently that different about a gay relationship than a straight one that was the idea of a huge amount of gay activism in the 20th century thats why Harvey Milk urged for those who were safe to do so to come out of the closet) like i know fandomized stuff is inherently fictionalized anyway but

i still think it influenced how people perceive wlw relationships on the whole. because that girl of mine went on to cause an immense, sudden, and damaging trauma when she ended the relationship out of nowhere months after she proposed. and it was after THAT that a LOT of fandoms treatment of the idea of wlw became so so so much worse for me because on some level i felt like i couldn't speak HONESTLY about how much i had been hurt by this other human being who happened to share the same genitals and gender identity as me. bc uwu lesbeans <3 and no amount of "but this one is FUCKED UP :D" helped because it still drew attention that the assumed baseline was purity, cuteness, and unproblematicness. and inherently what was fucked up abt a wlw ship was already so fantastical it still wasnt looking at the wlw aspect as real people.

i know, i know, fiction doesnt have to be realistic. i enjoy musou games, i KNOW. but i think if youre not careful that attitude in fandom can strike a concave mirror and fling back at the community you think youre supporting. not everything has to be made for me but it was such an immensely lonely experience when the online communities i was usually a part of didnt portray the nature of my relationship as capable of causing trauma (or if it did it was very sexy and bloody, which. Which.)

i dont know. i dont think telling people like me to go offline is a viable solution, thats just shoving dust to the other side of the house. but i dont think this has a solution either, fandom will be fandom and thats one reason it can be great. i dont know

[thegeminisage]

IT IS. star trek update time. last night we did ds9's "the muse" and voy's "the thaw."

the muse (ds9):

the a-plot of this was so fucking stupid. WHY is it always jake and older women...can we please cut him a fucking break...

also, the mysticism around writing. "i can show you exercises and techniques" "you have so many ideas it all seems too big to you right now" come on. the only exercise and technique she needed to show him was how to fucking outline. it's not MAGIC you don't get divinely graced with the ability to write a book you just sit down and do one little bit at a time. i cannot believe writers wrote this. insufferable. they sound like george rr martin i hope he is having a bad day wherever he is

jake and sisko at the end were so cute though...sisko my beloved...

the b plot.............................................

here's the thing. while i have reversed my stance on lwaxana troi, who got much better in her final few episodes (was this the last one or do we have one more...?), i don't want odo/lwaxana to be better than odo/kira and the odo/lwaxana was REALLY GOOD. and ik some people really didn't like the way odo/kira wound up happening in canon so even though idk what happens yet NOBODY TELL ME i am bracing for it to be bad and to love it unconditionally anyway. so that was a huge struggle for me

odo in his little shapeshifter playground feeding off of lwaxana's giddiness...i wish deanna had been able to do the reverse-empath thing on tng, it would have been so much fun

ALSO i cant believe he finally got his first little smooch!!!! GOOD FOR HIM

the thaw (voy)

sigh. so apparently a lot of people really like this episode but i...hated it. one of the worst voy episodes to date actually

whatever this episode THINKS it's saying about fear is lost under the set dressing. and the set dressing IS really cool - i like the wacky practical effects and bright colors. it reminds me a lot of tos. in fact, this whole episode could have been a tos episode, but it would have been one of those tos episodes that makes the top 10 worst ranking or whatever

the problem is the Randumb XD Humor...it's like q, like the squire of gothos. it just doesn't hit for me and never will. like, the actors were good at what they did, the costumes looked great, the set was funky, even the background music really fucked, but things being Randumb XD is just too dated for me. i don't mind star trek being dated most of the time but this is where i draw the line. maybe i'd like it better if i gave it another shot, but i probably will not be doing that

i think janeway called it in, with her acting. like everyone's like damn she ACTED no girl she did a lot of dramatic whispering. and who can blame her. the script was all over the place

i just think if you're trying to terrify people you could do better than the circus theme. yeah, clowns bad, but even tng had that spooky morgue thing happening

also, lost opportunity: if this clown guy can kill people by scaring them to death ie making them live the experience of getting their heads chopped off virtually which gives them a heart attack in real life then why not write tuvok, local expert at conquering fear, into this episode? you could have cut off tuvok's head and he wouldn't have died of fright. it would have been perfect for the metaphor

the ending to this episode would have fucked a lot more if the rest of it hadn't sucked so bad. janeway's murder walk was REALLY good. it's also something kirk would have done, if they'd had the holodeck in tos, and thank GOD they didn't

but yeah, the solution of fear needing conquering and wanting to be conquered just doesn't hit when most of the script...didn't really talk about fear, it was just wilding out

TONIGHT: ds9's "for the cause" and voy's "tuvix"...okay, wait, i'm just now looking at these episode titles. everyone on reddit is always so mad about janeway killing a guy named tuvix but i thought i got it mixed up with tuvOK. like i literally thought she killed tuvok and everybody was like dw about it she doesn't kill tuvok so who tf is tuvix...is this a clone thing or something? like black shirt green shirt tuvok?? please let it be a clone thing

[pumpumdemsugah]

Hi so this is gonna be pretty long and I’m looking for advice. I’m a black girl who’s 18 years old with 4 type hair. Long story short I’ve been through all the phases with trying love and embrace my hair. Back in middle school, I used to watch 3 type curly hair videos and complaining why my hair isn’t mimicking the same hair texture and nearly came to the point of hating my natural hair texture believing it was “Impossible to manage” and “too hard to grow”. My mom would constantly hide my hair in box braids or cornrows and gaslight me on how my hair isn’t made to be let out and if it is, she would always try to slick it back with gallons full of gel or do wash and go hairstyles to make it have a loose curl look. She always washed and braided my hair and never gave me the chance to do my own hair. Now that I’m older and more mature, I’ve come to terms with my hair and I’m learning to manage it on my own, now realizing 4 type hair isn’t even hard to take care of, the problem was me copying a hair texture that wasn’t mine. I’m trying to wear my hair in normal Afro hairstyles and I feel confident and get tons of compliments from other people but my mom and dad make fun of my hair and tell me I look “crazy in it”. My mom would tell me not to leave it out before my hair breaks off (cause it’s currently winter for me) but even in the summer she says the same shit. I’m so tired of box braids, I’ve worn them my whole life and I just want a break from them but my mom won’t leave me alone.

Aww I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It can be hard to build self confidence when your parents are picking at you. When I first started looking after my hair and trying things out, people straight up called me crazy. I'm not really sure how it didn't hurt my feelings because I'm very sensitive but I think it was knowing and affirming that what I'm doing to my hair is making it softer, longer and healthier so teen me would tell myself " they can think that with their dry ass hair " and eventually I started saying it to people lol my hair was juicy and moisturised

Maybe you can try twists or mini twists. Type 4 hair can hold twists for a long time and looks really cute and works well in winter. It can be an easy style to maintain and is similar enough to braids maybe your parents might leave you alone so you can continue to build more hair confidence. There're actually some really good mini twists routines on YouTube and this one woman wears twists all the time

Sometimes Black parents do not want to see things our way. They're so stuck on what they think is right it will take years for them to admit they're wrong. Sometimes all you can say, it's my hair and my problem and politely walk away, they might start to get annoyed and back off

I get money is always an issue and idk how old you are but this is why moving out for uni, even just for a year can be transformative. Not having that negativity in your ear for a year can help so much to the point the negativity doesn't stick

My hair getting a lot longer was what permanently shut people up but that's not exactly a solution

Keep pushing ❤️

[actually-factually-anonymous]

The appealing Rebis known as Marinette Dupain-Cheng

I've criticized Marinette quite a bit at this point, and I likely do so with great frequency for the foreseeable future as it's one my great sources of catharsis for Miraculous-related frustrations.

But just for a break of pace and for the sake of some semblance of balance: let's go into the merits of her character. Because after all, Marinette isn't just a collection of faults and frustrations in jumpsuit; she has things like make her enjoyable to watch as a protagonist.

Let's boil it down to the basics :

Marinette has two distinct but enjoyable sides to her. One is Marinette the (alleged) "ordinary girl", the other is course Ladybug the nigh-invincible heroine.

Marinette, at least in her early episodes, is a klutz, a bully-victim and emotionally compromised around her crush. These are all highly relatable things, both for the children watching and for older viewers who can easily recall being at least some of those things when they were younger- or at least seeing some of their friends and family be subject to them.

She's creative, talented and has a mix of personal interests. She's a very feminine girl with her interests in fashion and a clothes making. But she's by no means shy or demure- and she certainly has a share of traditionally boyish interests, as her enthusiastic competitiveness with video games demonstrates. Her clothes seemingly reflect this, with her blatantly pink pants and the flower pattern on her blouse showing her femininity: but the actual clothing combination in question (pants shirt and jacket) being unisex. It would be easy for the target audience of young girls to see themselves in her.

She's silly and eccentric enough to be amusing, but also down to earth enough to avoid becoming outright annoying with her screentime. Importantly, she's kind-hearted and cares for those around her, and even when she falls into selfish behaviour (when the episode recognizes it) she's quick to try and correct it once she understands her fault. Combine that with her cute design, entertaining expressiveness and enthusiastic pursuit of her ideas and she's both endearing and entertaining.

Side note: Marinette's many strange expressions are legitimately some of the funniest things in media. The Hungrybug scenes in Dearest Family and especially, and the scene when Bakerix is reaching for her earrings while she gormlessly chews down on Gallete is my favourite moment in Miraculous

Ladybug meanwhile is Marinette's opposite. She's confident, reasonably sensible and capable to the point of overshadowing anyone else on her team (not always a good thing it has to be noted) and her power and wits allow her to leverage her creativity into a solution for seemingly any problem. And at the end of the battle, she has a Reset Button to repair and heal any damage that the villain might have caused. The city she protects loves her and she is showered with support from all sides save the villains', not the least among that support is her the partner who is so hopelessly in love with her that it's downright annoying.

This is important because her most notable inspiration Spider-Man is the memetic symbol of a life damned to cycles of varying levels of misery. Ladybug however is a true power fantasy by any measurement.

This isn't automatically bad thing, especially for the age range the show is aimed at. The ideal of a kind, competent heroine who gets appreciated by those around her for her efforts being a source of escapism for children isn't something to get up in arms about. Not everything needs to be gritty and realistic, or an examination into the human psyche. There's a place for trope-heavy, simple and gentle storytelling and young children's media certainly falls within it.

Certainly the writing of Maribug's character varies from episode to episode and how she's evolved under over five seasons could be debated about. But the core of her appeal is simple and understandable:

She is a Rebis: the Girlfailure and the Girlboss in one. Endearing and relatable for her fault and human experiences on one side, inspiring and a heroic power-fantasy on the other.

Certainly, there's plenty of criticism to be made, and plenty of exceptions for the "Girlfailure" and "Girlboss" claims. But she's got plenty of merit as a character, she's just subject to the same principle of almost everything in Miraculous:

Great Concept: questionable at best execution.

[xxdoubledaisyxx]

Their problems are causing suffering

that is beneath the dignity of all people

from kings to christ

to suffer ourselves

without solving

the rotten problem

ourselves.

Descended from the kings

of Lithuania,

I demand an answer.

Are you not a person?

or are you not a human being?

One or the other, hombre.

Your government man

will come see me.

I will kill him

or he will kill me

and I will allow him

to order his man

to kill me.

A veteran killer

i can trust

to get the job done.

I have a solution to this very problem,

and if I do,

and you are a person,

you have the solution too.

the gravity of suffering

is unnecessarily immense

for the stability

that maintains the harmony of

man and beast.

Perhaps some of you have the

the luxury of a companion

for the company of conversation

in this lonesome and wretched world.

not all of us do.

we are wrong somehow

broken disabled disused

wretched and lowly

because of the world's

abuse we all feel.

the teeth in the darkness

the sound and the scent

from somewhere deeper

and deeper more

into a forgotten and unknown place

lost in the abysss

of the chaotic void.

If you don't have the solution

then you forgot that you do

no matter who you are

or wherewhen you arrive

we are all beasts

and we are all men.

girls included

elves and dogs.

Life itself,

and yes mt friends

sausages and waffles as well.

Their golden crispy aroma

greasy clouds of air.

I could not fault a man

who partook of the fruit

of forbidden wisdom.

You are not alone

to forget a solution

impossible,

so let me remind you

with these words alone.

our real selves too.

the government exists to solve this problem.

Show me what's broken.

and kid

don't make me juegar

to strike you down.

because I'm the who is going to stop him

and he's the one who is going to die.

stay out of my way

and move your car.

Will you bring about the judgment of heaven

to deny me help

in your moment of need

for a problem that is the same

for every person?

I didn't think so.

you just forgot

and now you know.

that it's not only ours

it's theirs as well.

the sounds

in the void

the void and the darkness

the abyss and the willow.

the corpse in the grass

the dirt

in hell.

crowds and masses

we are all of us one

ourselves as ourselves.

my thought and yours

are no reason to die.

Because I don't have to kill you

if you bring your president

to heel.

Do you want to die

die right now?

I want to go,

and it's all that I can.

To write these words

reading them now.

Juegar,

my friend.

I will take my chances against you,

juegar.

Let's go.

The prophecy of Christ

is fulfilled and done.

I am the man,

the sound and the void.

Last and the First.)P

---

20%, Maiden lawliness

that's all I need to know.

no problem at all.

corruption wins.

no tricks no keys

no godly powers,

no kicks or high knees.

an ace and a spade

a gun and a lathe

your demons are calling

are you alone?

the proof and the pudding

my dear.

#

knock knock

the Devil is calling

Helter Skelter 666

Satan is willing

to slit your wrists.

He'll cut you up

when he cuts the rug

in Georgia in Hell

the moon

then gone

a bloodthirsty killer

with a taste for cute girls.

Sin from the darkness

our friendly addiction

their hood is good

there good in the hood.

illuminate the revelation

shine out thy life

shake your soul

or come.

face your fate.

you are the band

here in the dark

they are you.

music my queen...

let me show you how they do it at the Macon County Opry.

who will be my enemy

when the Lord is my sin

my eternal companion

when the girls are away

hopefully being naughty

the way we like them to do.

and puff puff too

the eternal dragon of

the abyssal void

of

eternal darkness and death.

Let me tell you one thing:

inconveniencing me

is mortal sin.

This solution is mine

not yours nor them

are you not fools

with your dicks in your head?

Don't worry about

alien technology design

unless you are the cute scientific researcher

one.

Maidenly One.

the drug

Rx Marixxa

(doxtyr niku cautions: Honey Yum Yum is good. Too good for some, who lose their minds in a honey pot and are never seen again. I think there is some kind of bumblelion wyrm that makes its nest in honey pots, where it preys on lost minds. So... if you don't have a crucifix, remember the gesture, and when Rx is finished, have a new one. As many as you want. BUY THEM ALL!!!)

[vaaaaaiolet]

Sleep-deprived Leon's upstairs neighbor works late 'cause she's a singer on a deadline, and he's having none of it. He comes up with a wild solution to the problem in a moment of desperation, and he's surprised when you actually go along with it, but anything to get a full night's sleep, right? Then he finds himself wanting a bit more than camaraderie with you in the process.

f/m, romance, fluff, does this count as crack??? popstar reader w/ a twist, ID leon is USELESS w tech + lives under a ROCK, also you manic pixie dream girl a bit too close to the sun but it's ok bc ur cute LOL

word count: 2.6k // read this chapter on ao3

a/n: req fic + belated bday gift for my lovely 🍍 anon!! as usual i got carried away and butchered it. um. NOTHING makes sense just go w the vibes i beg you </3 pt. 2 coming out asap bc this fic will not leave me alone in the best way :)

chapter one

Rule of thumb: don’t bang on the first date. 

Leon’s wrapping his pillow around his head like a pair of goddamn Beefs (or is Beets? those tacky, overpriced- oh, forget it) while his upstairs neighbor gives her bed a run for its money on a Friday night, at a blessed 9 PM no less. 

Oh yeah. Her.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. 

R-rated suspicions aside, Leon tries hoping for the best. His new neighbor might just be an interior designer of the nocturnal sort. Sick of his previous rowdy, college kid-infested apartment building, he’d moved into this complex not too long ago thanks to a very politely-worded call to Hunnigan about open listings in quiet, senior citizen-friendly neighborhoods. Call him old, call him boring, but after a long day of running around saving humanity from the newest bioweapon to hit the market, all Leon ever wants to do these days is get a few winks of sleep. He’s pushing 30. Insomnia’s no fountain of youth, people. 

Thump, thump-thump-thump. 

New Girl upstairs seemed to have the same idea but with far more nefarious intent. She’d moved in at the same time as him, he’s sure – Leon saw a flash of her face a few days ago when she was lugging boxes of stuff into the elevator up to her floor. She’s the only sign of life from the 21st century he’s encountered since the day he came to sign his lease papers. Why? 

Because Hunnigan had fulfilled his request to a T. Leon’s new apartment building is long-term care home adjacent. 

Full of grandmas and grandpas who got about as loud as their record players, only leaving their homes to fetch the mail – telegrams by the wrinkles on some of them. It was perfect. Leon was positively thrilled when Eunice from Unit 202 very, very slowly, waved hello to him on his moving day.

THUMP-THUMP! THUMP-THUMP!

And then she happened.

Maybe he’s just a grumpy old man right where he belongs, in all his 29-and-a-half glory. But the pounding that girl is giving her bed with some frat boy right now is giving Leon the college dorm experience all over again. It takes him half an hour of tossing and turning in his sheets to throw on an old jacket, beeline to the elevator, punch the neon 3 button, and darken New Girl’s doorstep. 

His turn now. A quick knock, knock is enough for Unit 304’s door to open a crack.

“Hey, I’m from downst- oh my God, are you decent?”

And you, standing at the door in a dress that’s more sheer than his disbelief, only tilt your head to go, “Huh?” 

“Listen, I know tomorrow’s the weekend but I- shit,” his face burns, “could you keep it down, please? You guys are really loud and it’s late.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You- you and whoever you’re with, could you not do this right now?” Leon croaks. 

Your hands flail wildly in dismissal. “Oh no, that was just me jumping on my bed! Helps with my creative process,” you say, smiling weakly. “I didn’t know the floors were that thin, I’m sorry.”

Bullshit. “They are.” Leon grimaces, “And um, it’s fine if you guys are loud, just save it for when everyone’s asleep next time.”

A frown interrupts your smile. “I just said it was me. There’s no one else here, seriously.”

“So what’s with the getup?”

“The-” your eyes drift down to the near see-through of your dress and Leon gestures vaguely, as if you need more explanation to why he’s avoiding eye contact with your chest. “Oh, this?”

He nods. 

“Creative process!” you chirp brightly.

“For what, pray tell?”

Curiously, that puts the wind out of your sails. Suddenly you having trouble meeting Leon’s eyes, lashes fluttering as you look up, down, anywhere that’s not his face. 

“For school,” you finally make out, fingers wrapping around the edge of your door. “I’m a music major.”

Pianos and prancing on beds don’t exactly mix. He can’t help but squint at you. “And the jumping helps with…?”

“Getting past writer’s block!” 

Back to bubbly with the ball in your court, you go so far as to open your door a little further to explain. Leon’s cheeks blaze as he tries his damndest to keep his eyes from drifting south. 

“I read online that moving around helps with ideas, and I’m supposed to have a whole album written by the end of the week. I probably shouldn’t have procrastinated…” you trail off with a half-hearted chuckle, “so now I’m throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks, y’know?”  

He hums. “You wanna be a singer?” 

“Mhm!” Your updone hair bobs with you, reminding him a little of a bobblehead. It’s almost cute enough to make his AMs worthwhile.

“Then you better start singing somewhere else, sweetheart. The walls are just as thin as the floors.” 

And Leon immediately turns his ass around to go back to sleep.

In hindsight, it might’ve been a little mean of him to leave like that. But his bed is just so heavenly, and with the sleep deprivation he’s been racking up lately, Leon’s half sure he just dreamed that entire exchange. There’s no way a girl like you in college – in her 20s, give or take – is seriously jumping on her bed on a Friday night for a homework assignment. That too in a dress fit for the club to add to the irony. Are all creatives this weird?

He pinches the bridge of his nose as the elevator descends, pushing aside his last glimpse of the glum expression he left you with in your doorway. So much for first impressions. But hey, you didn’t really make a great one either. He’ll call it even. Maybe get you a gift basket for chivalry’s sake.

He considers all this as he slips back under his blankets, finally, at 9:45 PM.

And then he hears a creeeaaak.

“Please,” Leon groans, jamming his pillow over his ears. 

Thump…thump?

Nix the gift basket.

6:00 AM on Saturday finds Leon with his eyes wide open and glazed insomniac red.

His alarm blares as if to say, you actually thought you’d need to get woken up, didn’t you?

It’s a little patronizing. He teaches it a lesson by throwing it off his nightstand.

Sometime between 11 and 12 at night, you’d gotten bored of your bed and taken to something with wheels. An office chair is Leon’s best guess. You’d rolled across your floor all night, and the resulting clatter of plastic grating on hardwood had kept him awake until the sunrise. Hangovers were more pleasant than the night of sleep (or lack thereof) he’d just gotten, and Leon’s no wimp. He’s a man, goddamnit. A decorated government agent!

So he handles the problem at its source. Whips out his flip phone like a man, and makes a very important call.

A disgruntled female voice crackles through at the first ring. “May I remind you that this line’s only for emergencies, Leon?”

“It is! I need you to find me another apartment, Hunnigan, please,” Leon sits up, rubbing his eyes to plead his case to an unimpressed Ingrid Hunnigan. “My upstairs neighbor won’t let me sleep. The floors are thin as hell and she’s been moving around all night. It’s even worse than my last place.”

“Really? An old lady is giving you that hard of a time?” 

“She’s college age — a singer — and when she starts singing for her homework all the time, I’m really not going to get any sleep. I’m begging you, Hunnigan. Get me out of here.” 

“Strange.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Truly,” Hunnigan deadpans. “You know how hard of a time I had getting you into an apartment building only for people over 55, Leon?” 

He winces, holding the phone a little further from his ears just in case. 

“How many favors I had to cash in, strings I had to pull, all because you’re hopeless at navigating an apartment listing site, let alone anything on the Internet? Do you realize I had to do that in my personal time because your request would fall under illegal use of federal intelligence resources?”

Leon falters. “I didn’t-”

“So here’s what you’re going to do,” Hunnigan says shortly. “You are going right back to your neighbor and working out a solution like an adult.”

“But I already-”

“You’re solving this on your own, Leon. Figure something out because I know you can delegate. Got it?”

He really doesn’t. He’s only good at that outside of the US.

“Is that clear, Agent Kennedy?” Hunnigan repeats for semantic measure.

“Crystal,” Leon mopes, sapped of all hope when she ends the call with a ‘good luck’, just like back in Spain. A familiar routine.

He’s back in front of Unit 304 by 9:00 AM. 

You open your door with a half-chewed yawn, wrapped in a robe and looking deceptively angelic, that is, if it weren’t for the immediate pinch your pretty brows take on when you grace him with a decidedly sour look. 

“Up already?” Leon tries.

This time all he gets in response is a quick nod, a mouth parted in distaste. 

Forward march, Kennedy.

“You were up past midnight. I heard you, y’know, on your chair. Kinda loud.”

“I’m not annoying you on purpose,” you sigh, tucking your arms into a tight cross over the fluff of your robe. “I just really have to turn my album in on time and I’m having crazy writer’s block. They told me the people here are quiet and easygoing. I haven’t had a single noise complaint so far except for you, did you know that?” 

“That’s because everyone in this building either has hearing aids or doesn’t realize they need them yet,” Leon grits. “I don’t even know how you got in here, to be honest.”

“A sparkling letter of recommendation, thank you very much. And you?” You push up on your toes indignantly. “Are you just older than you look? ‘Cause you might need a pair of hearing aids yourself.”

Leon bites back a scoff. “Don’t need ‘em. I can hear you plain as day from below.”

Sirens are starting to blare in his head and it’s like he can feel Hunnigan glaring at him from her HQ in the sky. Aborting mission again isn’t an option. If Leon doesn’t fix things now, he’d be starting bad blood that might outlast the combined remaining lifespans of the building’s tenants. His salary could cover rent that long; his ego, not so much.

You’re about two seconds away from shutting your door in Leon’s face before he interrupts with a save pulled straight from his ass: “I’ll help you write your songs.”

So instead, you squawk, “What?”

He sticks the toe of his shoe in your doorjamb for insurance. Blurts, “I mean it. I’ll help you come up with ideas.”

“How on Earth would you do that?”

Great question. No better time than the present for the both of you to find out. 

“You said moving around helps?” Leon repeats for you to confirm with a quizzical nod, “I’ll take you anywhere you want. Anywhere in the city, you name it, I’ve got a motorcycle I’ll get you there on. It’ll be a change of scenery. Just whatever you do, enough with the gymnastics at midnight.”

It’s a desperate lifeline, a creepy one now that he’s had more than two seconds to think about it, but a lifeline nonetheless.

And to his horror, all you do is stare. 

The resulting silence feels like crystallizing amber. A clock ticks agonizingly from somewhere in your living room. Tick, tick, shit, he desponds. But thankfully, your laugh bubbles out not a moment too soon, sending a tsunami of relief down his shoulders. 

“Gymnastics, really?” you snort, covering your mouth with a well-manicured hand.

“I’m serious.” Leon shoots for a winning smile. “But I have to ask, is working late also part of your creative process?”

Your eyes crinkle maybe, but you shake your head no. 

“Then we’ll go whenever you’re free. Show you a few of my favorite spots, see if it speeds up your songwriting. Sound okay, sweetheart?” 

“How about now?” you pipe up.

Leon coughs his splutter into something more dignified. 

“You said whenever I was free! It’s a Saturday, you’re free,” you point a finger at his chest, “I’m free,” turn it back on yourself, “and I need to finish writing my album by, like, yesterday. This is perfect!” With a miniscule squeal, you disappear back into your apartment.

Leon’s left standing in your entryway wondering when his lifeline became a dynamite detonation cord.

“You haven’t even asked me my name,” he calls out to deaf ears. Cups his hands for effect because he can hear you flinging hangers onto the floor. “Don’t they teach you about stranger danger at school?” 

“I’ll find out eventually!” floats back your worrying response.

You’re an efficient dresser, Leon gives you that. A thankfully normal one too at the dress and heels you rush back up to the door with. A large pair of cat-eye sunglasses perched on the bridge of your nose makes Leon do a double take at the cloudy sky outside, but then again, maybe it’s another part of your creative process. Beyond his pay grade.

You adjust your sunnies with gusto, grin up at him when he gives you a curious look. 

“Well, go on,” you say, pulling out your phone. 

Leon blinks at the glowing rectangle.

“Number, name?” You tilt it as if you’re trying to entice a toddler. “I can’t just keep calling you Mr. Noise Complaint.”

“Aw, you’ve been telling your friends about me?” Leon chuckles at last, pulling out his flip phone and handing it to you.  

And suddenly it’s your turn to stare at a piece of foreign technology.

You take your sweet time putting in your number. It’s very entertaining, the way the tip of your tongue sticks out the tiniest bit when you make a mistake and the sound of furious keypad backspacing follows right after. Leon’s no better, setting himself on your phone as “LOEN KEENAYD”, and with his pride bordering on hubris, he has no choice but to keep it that way.

“Really small backspace key,” he fibs when you peer at the gibberish in your contacts. 

Your lip bite makes for a piss-poor job of hiding how funny it is.  

“It’s Leon, by the way. Leon Kennedy. Apartment 204.” 

You fix his name in half the time it took him to put it in. He holds his hand out for a shake, timeless enough, and you give it three businesslike pumps.

“I have to grab a spare helmet from my place, I’ll meet you down at the garage,” Leon promises.

You point at him before stepping into the elevator. “Either your idea works or I’ll have to work past midnight to get this album done and then you’ll really owe me, Leon.” 

In another life, you could’ve been a CEO. You’ve certainly got the pointer finger for it. 

Leon tips his chin in acknowledgment. “Whatever it takes to get back into your good graces, ma’am,” he grins.

That gets a cackle out of you as the elevator doors slide shut.

And he takes the stairs this time, waves good morning to Eunice in 215 on his way to pick up that helmet for you. It must be a good day, Leon thinks, sounding out your name in his phone’s contacts. Eunice even has a post- Great Depression era vinyl playing on her record player. Maybe it’s a sign to not be so glum about his situation. He’s finally fixing it, isn’t he? 

So be it. A guy can dream. In Leon’s case, he’s hoping he gets eight hours by Monday.

psst, find more of my work here!

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3 take care and i love you!

divider by @/saradika-graphics <3

[thisislowkita]

This is me looking at social media.

The thing I love here on tumblr is I can just speak my ish and talk nonsense of what ya really like without someone commenting some dumb generic shit “you got this girl” SHUT UP I know I do I’m just having a moment 😂 let me vent cha. Obviously they mean well and some people do vent for validation from others …well for me I’m venting for clarity and some people don’t get that.

Me I gotta speak the problem out loud or type some times to hear/see how ridiculous or dope an issue or solution is . I think maybe that’s just a me thing. Like the fact I like this dude for almost 3 years n nothing serious has happened matter fact there’s madddddd red flags n im probably just a reliable option for him cause we’re friends will I ever bring this up with him HECK NO so we make music instead and push every other potential guy away because we don’t care bout them at all lol Will he see this probably will he bring it up hahaha I highly doubt it we don’t have time for that plus friends right!!! …rightttt

Speaking of me here’s me before sad boi …boiler room vibes. Now I know why all the Djays online are doing well and the club is dying. WHY IS NO ONE DANCING …I had a meeting the other day and they were telling me about a concert where everyone locked the phone and jackets in the back of concert like wahhhhhh sign me up!!!!!! But it was still a dope ….music was on point.

Anyways I got a month to complete all these things for project and launch somethings in November and December into January …plus back on my work out tip winter a glow up lol I guess.

I’m excited for everyone to hear the new vibes 🙏 really inspired lately by my life especially love life and friendships and just myself and the last few years wooo I could go on.

I wanted to get back to my hip hop roots and really aim to make a proper hip hop album mostly produced by others but we starting off slow with Real friends.

Back to basics. White tees and Clark’s or fresh reeboks oooo simple life

Stay cute sinners 🙏

[imjustabeanie]

hiii i’m cheri 🏹 from dreamcrush this is gonna be so fun. can i get a matchup for genshin & hsr ?

20, they/he, nonbinary bi (ok with being matched with a guy or a girl), chaotic / true neutral, istj.

appearance: uh like 5’5-5’6, bleached white hair about shoulder length. pale with freckles in summer. i usually wear comfy clothes and dark / more masculine colors (black gray blue green). idc if my partner is taller or shorter than me.

my sense of self is pretty unstable but i’ll try to do my best here. im often praised for my charisma by my friends and my ability to make people like me. i’m really not great at talking to people though it causes me more anxiety than it’s worth usually. but i’m not really the type to get anxious and shrink away from things im moreso the type to make myself bigger to compensate. i’m good at getting along with people but at the same time i don’t really Like people a lot and tend to keep to myself more than anything. i can seem rude or standoffish but i’m just pretty blunt and straightforward about things. i have a tendency to seem more aggressive than i actually intend to be.

i’m not great at opening up about things unless it’s the people i’m closest to, like if i’m dating somebody. i don’t talk to friends about my problems a lot. i’m pretty logical and good at problem solving so a lot of people come to me for advice. i’m two years into studying for a psychology degree. i’m not super ambitious i don’t think and mostly just go with the flow and work to take care of the people i’m closest to.

i’d consider myself a “fixer” type so usually i go for characters or even people irl that struggle with different things, usually feel unloved to some capacity, because i want to show them love and care that they probably haven’t had before and make things better for them. i care about the people i love more than absolutely anything.

usually i go for girls that are cute and kind of anxious because i like taking care of people and making them feel safe. for guys i either like sweet “boy nextdoor” types or guys who are like . really messed in the head that i can take care of and be that special someone to them.

i hope this is ok i’ve never done this before !!!! you can message me if you had other questions or if i messed up on anything @heartsona

Your Genshin match is....Furina!

First of all, she's your type. She's nervous, she's cute, she's unstable and she needs help. When she falls she falls hard and does her best to make herself look worthy. That's why someone like you, who'd reassure her and show her real love would be so fitting.

Furina isn't easy to read. Just like you she doesn't open up easily. There's a high chance you'll open up before her! She likes how logical you are as you help her keep her head on her shoulders. She knows she can count on you and it makes her feel so happy to finally have a rock to rely on during her hardships. When you finally talk about your own problems she'd be so happy as it's a big step for you. She may not give the best solutions but she's the best support you could ask for.

Your couple is a rather cute one. Here you have one that's as cool as a cucumber and then the short one that's basically a ticking bomb with many layers. Seems dysfunctional but it actually works very well. Furina likes exploring Fontaine with you and doing all the things she couldn't do while she was an archon. You two are gonna have a lot of fun and just as she'd learn to heal you'll learn to love.

Your HSR match is....Blade!

The embodiment of honey I'm back from the psych ward. You really like your degree don't you? Do you like math? They also have a lot of problems...Anyways back to the main topic I choose Blade because he is your type. But also a real challenge cuz he wants to stay messed up.

Blade is difficult as he doesn't really strive to better himself. You'd have to leggit fistfight him for it. But once he finds someone he wants to settle with he'd calm down and accept to get some help. You'd be the only person he'll confide in so I hope you're ready.

Despite all of this, Blade does his best to be a loving boyfriend. He'd express it through actions like remembering your favorite things and being your personal bodyguard. He's always here to listen but he's not that good at comforting. It's a rather new situation for it and he feels guilty that you got a cursed being like him....yeah I hope you're a good fixer.

[hoshi-o]

Hope this isn't being drammatic or anything but I truly wonder if it's possible to be oneself one day. I mean, I know that to some extent, everyone has to "make themselves pallatable" to others and society but why? I always feel like my self expression is suppressed because of society, but I am also keenly aware that almost no one feels like they're allowed to say what they truly mean/how they truly feel. And I'm not even talking about being harsh or rude to others but just merely existing can be a problem. I have experienced weird reactions from others for liking random things (I was liking cute owl vids and one time a girl stared at me weird lmao literally), why does that warrant such a reaction? Why do some things like wearing what you want ellicit such reactions? I don't get it, but what I do get is for me presenting myself as something I am not personally can be extremely distressing. And as I am approaching adulthood (well I already am 23 but I mean when I truly get my medical liscence and work etc) I feel like I'll be allowed to be myself even less because it is "childish" (that and questions around marriage that are already there lol). I wish my responsibilities simply ended at being responsible and doing what I'm supposed to do correctly. But its not enough. Its not enough and it's causing me distress. I don't know how I'll navigate the social world in the future. It's enough distress just existing and studying and doing chores and whatnot alone. Why are there extra rules to make everyone's life worse? Like I am aware my neurodivergencies make it worse, but genuinely many of this bs is bad for EVERYONE. I am deeply hoping in the future I can make new irl friends, as I am already distanced from my uni ones due to circumstances but making friends for me is so hard 😣 and on top of being anxious about transitioning into a new stage in my life, I have my ✨️mom✨️ talking about how isolated I am making me internalize this fact further. Like I hate that she thinks the way I act and my personality will change overtime because it won't, and I am tired of the assumption it will. Then if I say I won't change, the assumption is that I am against self improvement. One thing I have grown to learn over time is how skewed people's perception of what self improvement means and what it entails. Like no masking is not a fucking solution. One simple parallel is me having curly hair and hating it all my life wore it in a bun to straighten it but when I left it alone and let it take its natural shape it suddenly became more manageable (shocking). Such is the same with trying to be someone you're not, it's bad for you and WILL break you eventually. And I am itching to be myself truly one day, when I get the power to do whatever the fuck I really want. When will that be though, no idea.

Sorry for the long rant but even though I have somewhat been feeling better, it only feels like I'm in a "fake it till u make it" situation and am trying to make myself hopeful or I'll implode.