joongskitten

[carpemeridiem]

Just Came In My Pants

That’s a lie; of course I’m not wearing pants (that’s a funny word. I wear an Oxford buttoned to the top save the third button down which I leave unbuttoned.* It is matched, impeccably, with a vintage Jerry Garcia tie, fastened with a double Windsor, natch! Instead of pantaloons, I prefer a light summer dress, down to the knee so you can espy my massive cock as I twirl for the amazement of the all lucky enough to be in my midst.**

I wore underwear, but found them constricting the amount of time I spent roughly ravaging my shlong with my right hand,*** the hand encrusted with the jism of twenty minutes ago.

Ejaculate ejaculate.

FOOTNOTES

** I’m kind of like a living mullet: business on the top, party on the bottom (which is where the really good stuff is anyway).

*** Have you ever jerked**** off using your non-dominant hand? It took me like thirty-seven minutes to get a chubby.

**** I can’t decide if I prefer “jerking off,” or “jacking off,” I mean as a label for fist-fucking my stubby shlong. Perhaps I’ll run a poll. (Not a “Pole,” that might be racist … to millennials. Chuckle.)

[bughead-in-the-comics]

From Dancing Fool, Betty and Veronica Double Digest #122 (2004).

[vivian-rutledge]

JOAN CRAWFORD as Bonnie Jordan DANCE, FOOLS, DANCE (1931)— dir. Harry Beaumont

[normasshearer]

JOAN CRAWFORD in DANCE, FOOLS, DANCE (1931) dir. Harry Beaumont

[notherpuppet]

Headcanon that alastor learned how to move like that in battle because he was a Lindy hopper

[anonniemousefics]

Like a mad king forcing his court jester to dance until his feet bleed, I once again press play on Shadow and Bone Season 2 Episode 1.

[brbarou]

yeah i loved the fitzloved dance scene. that we totally got

[marypickfords]

Dance, Fools, Dance (Harry Beaumont, 1931)

[skizabaa]

A Fancy Fool <3 @venomous-qwille your guy <3

[hyakunana]

✨💕 The winner of the DGP is———! 💕✨

.✨

.✨

.✨

[radio-writes]

Keep All Your Worries Aside

Alastor on his partner's birthday - Headcanons

Warnings: implied power imbalance, slight manipulation

Tags: Alastor x reader, gn reader, fluff, self indulgent as hell

MDNI

Alastor used to adore birthdays when he was alive. It was the perfect time to get to know people; friends and targets alike.

He also got the chance to earn the person's favor, which was never a downside to him. He never knew when it would be useful to have those people on his side, after all.

Whenever he had partners in his lifetime, whether just for show or out of genuine care for their company, he spoiled the ever living heart out of them. Dinner, gifts, dancing, his absolute undivided attention—whatever they wanted and more he made sure to give it all to them.

It was unconsciously an addicting habit for him. He loved the way it made them so happy. How he knew he was the cause of their smiles and hence could just take it away any time he wanted to. How it made them so thankful to get to spend such a special time with him.

After he died, however, the excitement over birthdays was all but left behind in the mortal part of his existence.

Alastor didn't see the point of celebrating a birthday, specially when in Hell. After all, he was hard pressed to even find anyone that was happy about being born into this world, only to be stuck in such a miserable cesspool in the end.

And besides, not a lot of wandering souls even revealed that much of themselves anymore. Something as personal as a birthday was often kept a secret, in fear of it being used against them somehow.

Perhaps, sarcastically, he has brought up the idea here and there. If he knew it brought some sort of anguish or misery to some lowly sinner, why wouldn't he? 

But when it was his darling partner who just openly shared such information with him? Oh, he just couldn't help but to be interested.

Such a little act showed how much they trusted him, and he couldn't just let that go unpaid, could he? It would mean he would owe them, after all.

Alastor found that his old habits came back a lot faster than he expected them to. He found himself dragging his darling out all around the pentagram—whether they wanted to go or not—showing them off, showing them the sights, showing them a generally great time with his arm looped around theirs.

He bought every single thing they even glanced at, but he didn't dare burden their arms with holding it all. No, he had his shadow creatures trailing behind, carrying all his gifts for them.

Couldn't he just simply bring them into their room at the hotel? Of course! Easily so with a snap of his fingers. But that wouldn't be as fun as getting to show off just how well he could provide for his partner.

It's only when his dear finally asked him to ease up on the fanfare—they feared the trail of shadows would cause a traffic accident at this point—did Alastor finally stop and just transported their gifts to the hotel.

He took them out dancing, shopping, drinking. Always had a hand on them no matter what, to keep them close.

He found that old giddy feeling in his chest seeing his darling smile because of him—knowing he alone caused their happiness.

And when they thanked him at the end of it all? Said those oh so humble words

"I have no idea how to repay you for all of this."

Well, no one could blame him when his grin stretched just a tad bit wider. Eager, excited, thrilled. He hadn't exactly set out to earn any favors on their birthday, it was simply to pay back the trust they gave him.

But hey, he wouldn't turn down having his darling in debted to him. And he could certainly think of a few ways they could return the favor.

It is my birthday and if I say I want fluffy Al, I'm getting fluffy Al.

[ghostofadragon]

Blue skies, smiling at me, nothing but blue skies, do I see.

Blue days, all of them gone, nothing but blue skies, from now on...

[fernsnailz]

THE LONG AWAITED SEQUEL.... Dance in Fire 2 is out NOW!!!

well, no one asked for it, but i've finally finished the sequel to my mildly successful sonic fanzine DANCE IN FIRE. featuring more "team dark content," this technically counts as a zine. hey wait what's Vector doing here

READ IT HERE ON ITCH.IO!!! it's free. can you imagine if i charged money for this lol

now go read DANCE IN FIRE... 2!!!!!!!!!!!

[venomous-qwille]

some gitm magma arts from last night!

[here-comes-the-moose]

You know those videos of moms rolling up snacks for their kiddos, and then having the realization that they’re using “transferable skills” from their wild party girl days?

Yeah that’s Echo.

[brookbee]

Mick Jagger has earned a reputation for being a diva—in large part due to when he gets fed up with a situation, he’ll propel himself into the sky and not be seen for hours. Such was the case while filming the video for “Dancing in the Street” in 1985. Despite the interruption, however, David Bowie remained a true professional and continued filming what could be accomplished until Jagger returned from his ascension into the sky.