Kh3 spoilers:
LOL I wrote the crack thing, posted it to ao3 with a T rating just bc there are some implications here in the form of jokes, warning in case anyone's not comfortable with that.
Summary: Data Sora and Data Riku get sent to Riku's phone to accompany him on his ventures through Unreality. Riku is appropriately lost.
This is short so we don't get any shenanigans past their first meeting.
~~~
“Hellooo?!”
Riku stares at his gummiphone screen, unblinking as a little romper-wearing Sora taps on the screen from what seems like—the inside.
Beside the little Sora is a little him, a little Riku, in a black coat instead. “Stop screaming or he won’t answer the phone,” the little Riku says tonelessly. He’s typing directly in front of the gummiphone screen (or, behind it?), but squinting somewhere off to the side, as if at an adjacent display.
“You said to call him, didn’t you?”
“You know I didn’t mean like that.”
Riku misses the first “call”, perplexed as he is, but the second call comes with even more yelling—first from the little Sora, then from the little Riku at the little Sora—and Riku is compelled to answer. He taps at the green icon on his phone with an unsteady finger, and is blinded by the little Sora’s smile, now unobstructed by buttons.
“Wow! Look how big you are, Riku!”
The little Riku in-on-behind the screen glances up at Riku for only a moment. The little Riku’s mouth twists as if he doesn’t know whether to be impressed or not.
The little Sora reads the little Riku perfectly. “Aw, c’mon Riku. It’s still you! It’s a compliment! Be proud!”
“Oh, don’t worry about me, Sora. Worry about—uh, the other me...He’s probably confused.”
Riku makes a noise, because confused doesn’t even begin to describe the dizzying mesh of emotions in his chest.
Little Sora turns back to Riku—the big one—and his grin turns sharp. “Let me handle this, Riku.” (He’s still talking to the little one.) “If I let you explain, he’ll probably end up asleep again.”
Little Riku gives Little Sora a mildly offended glare. “Hey, it’s my job to know the ins-and-outs of the datascape; the data chose me.”
And Riku is immediately attuned to the little Riku’s words, and to the little Sora’s reaction. “Hey, don’t say that. Sora’s trying to help.”
The little Sora and Riku both look at Riku, then—truly look. The little Sora glows, and the little Riku finally looks appeased.
Riku doesn’t know how to feel about having his younger self’s little...smirk...turned on him. And the light in Little Sora’s eyes definitely makes Riku feel unsteady on his feet. But he stands his ground.
Sora takes a moment longer than necessary to start talking again. “Thanks, Riku. But my Riku’s—” and Riku chokes a little at the phrasing, “—just saying that because I’m always making fun of him because computers are lame.”
“Your existence literally depends on computers—” the little Riku interjects.
“Yeah, but they’re still lame. I’m the only reason you have any fun in here, huh?”
The little Riku suddenly stops typing because his fists are clenched, and he turns the color of little Sora’s romper. He sneaks a peek at Riku, but the little Sora spots it and cackles.
Even big Riku almost misses the moment Little Riku pulls up his hood, it happens so fast.
“We’re data versions of you,” Little Sora says once he’s stopped laughing, “but I bet you knew that already. The others usually call me Data Sora, and this is Data Riku.”
Riku nods after only a beat of silence.
“We got sent to watch you!” Data Sora announces brightly, as if Data Riku isn’t visibly having a meltdown right beside him, even under the hood. “Uh—! Help you, I mean. King Mickey definitely did not send us to keep an eye on you since you left all by yourself, because he definitely wasn’t super paranoid that something would happen to you, and if he was, he definitely didn’t tell me not to tell you.”
Data Sora crosses his arms behind his spiky head, and Riku doesn’t remember his own Sora being such a little brat. Oh wait, yes he does.
Just the thought of Sora reminds Riku of where he is, and why. The idea of finally finding Sora here makes him feel like he can do anything. It’s been a sensation he’s missed this past year.
Riku looks down at Data Sora, and comes back to himself. For some reason, Data Sora looks as smug as they come, and Data Riku has his hands at his temples, as if in disbelief. Or, maybe embarrassment.
“Alright,” Riku finally says. “But why send you? If anything goes wrong, couldn’t I just let them know myself? I know you guys weren’t on—in—my phone when I left, so clearly there’s still some kind of signal between here and there.”
“Look at you—me—using your brain.” Data Riku seems to have finally recovered from whatever fit Data Sora had induced, and of course the first thing Data Riku does is try to sound like he’s been chill this whole time. “But you’re still wrong. The data of your phone can still be accessed and updated even across worlds, or realities or whatever, from the main servers. But signals like the ones you’re thinking, for audio or video calls, can’t reach you here.”
Data Riku has pulled his hood back down, probably just so Riku could see the smug look on his face. “Your phone would be a useless brick here. Lucky for you, I’ve already accessed this world’s data through the kinds of signals they have here, and adapted the phone’s data accordingly. I might have to change it again once you get back, though, so don’t make any friends here you intend to keep.”
Data Sora, who’s been falling asleep, suddenly has something to say. “Hey! Don’t tell him that!” He’s pouting, though, not frowning, so neither of the Rikus bothers to reassure Data Sora. Data Riku just shrugs with his eyes closed, and when Data Sora turns to Riku as a last resort, he shrugs as well.
Data Sora crosses his arms, huffing. “Two Riku’s, and they both suck.”
For some reason, Data Sora grins, and Data Riku absolutely panics.
“Nonono, don’t, Sora! Don’t say it! I will actually delete you!”
It’s as if Data Sora doesn’t even hear the threat. His grin just gets sharper. “But Riku, then what’ll you do for fun?”
Data Riku releases a tortured sound, smashing frantically at his keyboard, and the screen goes dark. Data Riku didn’t just end the call, he shut down the whole phone.
Riku’s perplexed face stares back at him from the dark screen, and he wonders what in unreality is going on in the datascape.
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