#david rossi headcanon

[ddejavvu]

I’d like to think that the BAU take ventriloquism lessons (including the illusion of throwing their voice) to be able to speak without opening their mouths. It helps when dealing with low profile situations, when they can just stand near each other and say “blue shirt, 3:00” and not look like they’re talking at all. But I’d also like to think that they all abuse this skill around the office. Derek makes his voice high-pitched and tells Penelope that he’s the ghost of the squirrel she ran over three years ago (a story she tearily tells them whenever she’s feeling glum) and then coddles her when she cries and wages war on him for being so mean. Reid manages to convince Rossi that he’s the small child that they’re standing next to in public so Rossi turns to the kid and answers the question reid asked in his voice and the kid runs away screaming because of stranger danger - reid just giggles. The absolutely legendary prankster of them though, is Hotch. His voice is already deep, and he can go deeper. Anytime he knows they’re not doing their work, if they’re goofing off or teasing each other, he pretends to be one of the fbi’s higher ups come to visit and shouts how disappointed he is in the terrible work ethic of the bureau, and threatens to disband them. While they’re all frantically searching for the man who’s speaking in the crowded office and trying to pretend they were busy in the first place, he’s leaning against the kitchen counter with his coffee in hand and a smug smile on his face

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

BAU movie night:

MORGAN: Insists on picking the movie, chooses a cheesy ‘80s action movie, and falls asleep immediately.

PENELOPE: Knows Morgan too well so brought a stack of Disney movies. She is the designated snack dispenser, and has prepared a feast of popcorn, M&Ms, pretzels, and soda. AirPlaying the movie on the big screen from her tablet.

SPENCER: “Did you know that Walt Disney actually pioneered a groundbreaking sound system called Fantasia for the 1940 animated feature ‘Fantasia’? It was a precursor to many modern sound technologies.”

ELLE: Listens intently to Reid’s facts, splitting the blue and the red M&Ms into two piles, the blue for Spencer, the red for her.

EMILY: Annoying everyone because she can’t sit still and keeps spinning in her chair. Puts popcorn up Morgan’s nose as he sleeps and passes a handful of pretzels to JJ every few minutes.

JJ: Goes to the toilet constantly and eats all the pretzels. Keeps checking her phone.

HOTCH: Reading case files in the corner. Also eats all the pretzels.

ROSSI: “What the hell is this movie even about?”

GIDEON: “It’s about the chaotic predilections of man.”

EMILY: “It’s about Mickey Mouse.”

Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios

[sabage101]

When your card declines at therapy and they make you watch season 5 Episode 9 on repeat

“ I worked the case, just like you said ”

[criminalmindsfanantic]

JJ and Emily showing off their new name plates after getting married 🥰❤️

[reidsc0nverse]

pov your instagram when dating spencer reid pt 4

Liked by paparossi, princesspennyg, and 193 others

(y/n) i think derek got fed up with his statistics...

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spencerreid1 This was frightening to say the least.

-> emilyprenty Maybe stop giving us daily lectures on a topic we brought up one time

-> paparossi @/emilyprenty I second that

derekm This is also me after he wins EVERY card game we play

-> (y/n) did you know there's a mathematical equation to every card game that guarantees the chances of winning 🤓☝️

-> jjareau not you too y/n..

-> spencerreid1 She's actually not wrong.

AaronHotchner I hope this isn't what you guys do when I'm not on the field with everyone

-> (y/n) 🤷‍♀️

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(y/n) finally convinced him to read og fairytales and watch the movies afterward

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spencerreid1 ❤️

derekm Reid definitely seems like a rapunzel guy

-> (y/n) his favorite was actually belle

-> emilyprenty @/(y/n) shocker

jjareau Now you've just gotta show him Twilight

-> (y/n) that's next 🤭

princesspennyg This is so cute!!!!!

-> (y/n) until right after the movie he started telling me all the inaccuracies were in it compared to the story

-> paparossi Dont sound too surprised

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(y/n) i might've gotten a little carried away

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emilyprenty that should've been me

-> (y/n) come over.

-> derekm @/spencerreid1 you're just gonna let this happen??

-> spencerreid1 I've come to realize there's nothing I can do.

jjareau And to think we thought he'd never get any action

Liked by alexblake, princesspennyg, and 184 others

(y/n) found this gem going through my pictures, it was too good not to post

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emilprenty JUMPSCARE WARNING

-> (y/n) ⚠️

-> paparossi After the 30 something years I've worked in the FBI, this is probably the scariest thing I've seen

-> spencerreid1 :(

spencerreid1 Why does Derek look like he's going to kick you down like one of his doors?

-> (y/n) HAHAHAHAHAHAH DID YOU JUST MAKE A JOKE SPENCER REID???

-> derekm at least i don't look like sixth grader at his graduation of middle school

-> (y/n) @/derekm yeah and you look like his bully that steals his lunch money

what other things do you guys wanna see? there's a bunch of stuff i can do similar to this just lmk!!!

[parkersbliss]

your instagram when dating spencer reid

inspired by @/happiesthotch @/hotchaways :)

Liked by garciagirlie, alexblake and 374 others

ssa(y/n) love his clown feet 🫶🏼

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spencephd love her baby feet ❤️

rossisrotini I didn’t know they could be nice to each other

→ jjareau she texted me after posting this and said he slam dunked her with a pillow

→ ms_emilyp @/ssa(y/n) use two exclamation points if you need help

→ ssa(y/n) HELP‼️‼️‼️‼️

→ agenthotch wheels up in 20, you heard her

d.morgan oh to see pretty boys feet

→ ssa(y/n) my eyes only 😡😡

→ spencephd im not sure how to feel about this

→ garciagirlie I could get you photos of lots of feet

→ agenthotch I think we need to have a talk about this

→ garciagirlie i meant my feet with fresh new nail polish* 😁

→ agentahotch 😐

liked by therealellew, jjareau and 427 others

ssa(y/n) pov garcia & morgan are on the phone

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garciagirlie where’s my chocolate thunder

→ d.morgan right here baby girl 😏

→ spencephd we can’t escape them

→ ssa(y/n) but we can do worse ;)

→ ms_emilyp @/agentahotch do something about this

→ agenthotch no

rossisrotini I beg of you both to not become like them

→ spencephd now you’re just tempting us to do worse 🤷‍♂️

→ ssa(y/n) I await those glorious hands of yours, doctor

→ jjareau what have we started

→ ssa(y/n) ITS FOR A MASSAGE CHILL 😭

→ d.morgan could’ve fooled me tbh

liked by itsmattsimmons, d.morgan and 503 others

ssa(y/n) someone didn’t pass the physical fit test

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d.morgan is he looking for a trainer 👀👀

→ garciagirl no. never again with you.

→ spencephd literally leave

→ jjareau we’re doing just fine without you 😘

ms_emilyp reid looking to outrun his paperwork

→ ssa(y/n) more like reid running to catch some bitches

→ spencephd so I’m chasing after you?

→ ssa(y/n) 😡😡

agenthotch who’s not doing paperwork 🤨

→ rossisrotini exposed like the lazy kids you are

liked by spencephd, agenthotch and 292 others

ssa(y/n) got my bitch <3

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Spencephd 😐

→ ssa(y/n) notice how you didn’t correct me

→ spencephd can’t even tie her own shoes smh

→ ssa(y/n) LMAOOO that’s what you’re for SIMP

garciagirlie the love birds are at it again

→ jjareau love birds sounds more like enemies these days

→ d.morgan isn’t that the fun in it?

→ ssa(y/n) yes, he literally just threw the shoe at my face 😇

rossisrotini @/agenthotch got another case for ya

→ ms_emilyp that’s the sound of the police reid 🚨

→ spencephd you know statistically, it takes the police an average of 7 minutes to get to the scene. I could be long gone by then.

→ d.morgan I can hear him through my phone

→ spencephd :)

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ssa(y/n) candid of my favorite nerd 🤭

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spencephd I’ve been exposed 😟

→ ssa(y/n) wanna be exposed in a different way?

d.morgan looks like we got competition @/garciagirlie

→ garciagirlie 😏 been exposed for years to you baby

ms_emilyp 🤢 I’m moving back to london fr

→ jjareau take me with 🙏🏼🙏🏼

→ garciagirlie GIRLS TRIP

→ ssa(y/n) LETS GO

→ ms_emilyp not you ❤️

rossisrotini 🥂 cheers you two but keep it in your pants

→ ssa(y/n) hard to when he’s this fine 😫

→ spencephd actually die

agenthotch this is what we call a hostile work environment

→ d.morgan you weren’t even there for that hotch

→ agentahotch I have my ways

→ garciagirlie please don’t bring back such traumatizing memories

→ jjareau clearly we need to have this conversation again

— END —

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a/n finally got around to writing some criminal minds stuff 😫

[princesshalocm]

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Howdy howdy, if requests are still open, can I ask headcanon about the BAU team when someone who have the name has them join the team ? (I have the same name as one of them and I'm just curious)

Ignore it if you don't want to write it !!

Have a nice day !

-Crow Anon

Ooo this is an amazing idea, of course! So I hope you don't mind, I chose Spencer

When you first join, the fact that you and Spencer have the same name absolutely messes with their mind

Despite being an elite group of profilers, it's absolutely mind blowing to them

"Hey, Spence-" You both look over, the same curious expression on your faces

Morgan constantly asking if you're sure you're not the same person carbon copied

Eventually though, you both start assuming that it's for the other Spencer

Which is not helpful for the team when they're trying to get your attention

Sometimes you and Spencer (the other Spencer, Reid) would argue about what Spencer they were talking to (particularly if it was something neither of you wanted to do)

Hotch starts going on a last name basis alone - which doesn't help, what with your last name being Reed.

To which Hotch, when he realises his mistake, sighs deeply

Prentiss starts calling you Spencer 1 and Spencer 2 - which leads to a light hearted argument about who should be 1 and who should be 2

Other Spencer claims he should be Spencer 1 because he was on the team first

You argue you should be Spencer 1 because you're the better Spencer

The snowballs a little more until JJ has to intervene with threats of grounding

Sometimes you swap your badges to annoy Hotch and Rossi

It really annoys Hotch and Rossi - sometimes you do it without telling Spencer just to watch him groan

Morgan finds it absolutely hilarious

[amekeii]

Criminal Minds Characters as Cocktails

SPENCER REID - ESPRESSO MARTINI vodka vanilla | coffee liqueur | brown sugar syrup | espresso

AARON HOTCHNER - OLD FASHIONED bourbon | sugar | angostura bitters | orange twist

EMILY PRENTISS - AVIATION gin | maraschino liqueur | simple syrup | lemon juice | crème de violette | cherry

DAVID ROSSI - NEGRONI campari | gin | sweet vermouth

PENELOPE GARCIA - PORNSTAR MARTINI vodka vanilla | passoã | passion fruit puree | pineapple juice | passion fruit half | prosecco

JJ JENNIFER JAREAU - GIN & TONIC opihr gin | yuzu tonic | lime wheel

DEREK MORGAN - MAI TAI dark rum | white rum | orange curacao | almond syrup | lime juice

PART 2

[minswriting]

criminal minds characters as quotes my household have said

i live with a roommate and my sibling so here are some quotes we have said that i think the criminal minds characters would totally say lol

gideon - “hey you win some and you lose some. and you? you lost your dad.”

rossi - “Just remember he doesn’t get love if he doesn’t put on the glove”

aaron - “don’t twerk in a cemetery.”

derek - “Mans looks like a Q-Tip”

emily - *about two unsubs* “they look like they married their thirteen year old cousin”

j.j - “you should kink shame a little bit”

spencer - “they used to crush their testicles with rocks. anyways, this pasta is delicious.”

penelope - “Nooo I don’t want to watch Scream with you guys. It turns me on”

[beelmons]

BAU men salsa dancing headcanons

Rossi is surprisingly good at it, although his movements are more on the stiff side. He does mostly the basic steps, like an uncle dancing at a wedding. He will spin you once or twice and even pull one of those leaning endings just as a show off.

Hotch is stiff, like, spaghetti before boiling stiff. The first time he dances, it's an awkward mess, although he grasped the steps pretty quickly. The second time, he is just as stiff but with more technique, he probably took a salsa class on the side. Basic steps only, playfully spins you off beat just so he can hug you, has a blast because he sees you have a blast.

Morgan is good, mad good. He will know how to spin you, cha cha cha, drop it and reverse it. He was probably forced to learn when Garcia was too shy to go to a class by herself, and surprise, surprise, he was excellent at it. If you are not careful, he might be even better than you. Can take it slow and simple if that's the mood, he is just happy to shake his but a bit.

Spencer knows the origins, raise, and fall of salsa dancing. He knows the names of all the steps by heart, and even the speed at which his body should move. Little problem? It just doesn't. He stumbles and steps on feet time and again, he won't look up from looking at his feet as he recites what the movements are supposed to look like. When he finally relaxes, he can sort of do it well, it's awkward and very basic, it's more you taking the lead, spinning him, and moving his arms, but it's nonetheless fun. He also has a last although he ended up breathless.

Luke is effortless, my man is latino, so you know he was peer pressured into learning growing up. He sings while he dances and will always take the lead. He prefers the simple, more casual steps, though if he gets lost in the music, he will begin to show off. He definitely smiles the entire time like a good performer, and will even do the 'two at a time' steps if any of the girls join you om the dance floor.

Matt is similar to Rossi, he got some of the steps down, but won't go as far as doing over complicated spins. He is elegant and less stiff, since he is tall, like, very tall, it looks a bit clumsy, but he always enjoys himself when he is dancing. He will, however, get tired pretty quickly, even when he is used to all types of cardio, the dancing just takes too much brain effort.

[beware-of-you-98]

Small silly hc I have about jj’s zen garden is that originally it was just the small little box with sand and the rakes that michael bought for her at a school shop that was set up for mother’s day or christmas or another silly lil holiday but anyway when she brings it in to the office she sets it up on her desk and just kinda leaves it there until she comes in one morning and there’s a small crocheted frog just vibing in the sand and jj just kinda stares for a while until penelope passes by and is just like “his name is fredward” and jj just kinda accepts it and then day by day the other members of the team brings little things to fill up her little garden (tara brings the tiny bucket of shells, emily gets the chair, and luke brings the cocktail umbrella) until the zen garden is just a little paradise for fredward who has on a yellow bikini (bc luke insisted that blue was so not fredward’s color) and a tiny fake bottle of corona that no one will admit to getting (rossi is adamant he did Not supply the small bottle but he’s also denying it too hard for it to be completely believable) but yeah it’s stupid it’s silly but it’s all i can think about ok bye <3

[bambinafangirls]

modern artist i think the bau members listen too

rossi: noah kahan

hotch: hozier

morgan: the weeknd

elle: kali uchis

spencer: the 1975

garcia: billie eilish

jj: sza

emily: victoria monét

blake: taylor swift

kate: doja cat

tara: H.E.R.

luke: j. cole

matt: shawn mendes

also! the evolution era girls listen to chappel roan together, casually.

[elsie-talisman]

…

Emily: when was that?

Morgan: do you remember when you came back from the dead?

Emily: no?

Morgan:

Morgan: do you remember when hotch had a beard?

Emily: ohhhhhhh… yes!

[homosexual-radio-host]

Headcanons on how the criminal minds cast is when drunk

Spencer:

Yapping but even more, he will join in Karaoke and horrible sing dancing queen at the top of his lungs

Morgan

Rizz master (his rizz is actually worse when drunk but in an endearing way, it’s bad in a cute way) awfully dancing with girls

Hotch

He always tells people he looks and acts sober when drunk. In reality he’ll stare into space for a solid hour and take at least 5 minutes to reply to people, he thinks he’s responding and reacting in a completely appropriate time manner

Garcia

Dancing, singing dancing queen with Spencer but she has no shame the next morning, keeps drinking cause she doesn’t realize she’s drunk yet until she stands to dance and can’t do it without falling

Prentiss

Is what Hotch thinks he’s like when drunk

Rossi

I know we see him as wine aunt but he rarely gets drunk- he drinks semi regularily but his tolerance is built, if he got properly drunk he acts like a dad, but in a funny way, talking about cars and “back in his day” and stuff

JJ

Usually the designated driver but when she’s not she lets loose, flirting with Prentiss but denies it the next day. Touchy to everyone else as well but in a platonic sense. Surprisingly is the first one to get cut off and or kicked out of the bar

[reidsc0nverse]

pov your instagram when dating spencer reid pt 3

OH MY GOD GUYS ILY SM this might be the last one for now bc i've been working on other projects but yeah here you go 🤭

Liked by hotboylukealvez, princesspennyg and 141 others

(y/n) Snuck into one of his lessons and took this keeper

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spencerreid1 It wasn't sneaking in when I caught you red handed the minute you sat down.

-> (y/n) stfu and let it the post look cute

-> spencerreid1 I just wanted to let everyone know the truth hun.

jjareau hes in his element

-> emilyprenty and a grandpa sweater

-> derekm But fresh ass shoes

-> emilyprenty @/derekm ehh...

paparossi So you willingly went to listen to him lecture for fun?

-> (y/n) yes 🙄

-> paparossi don't you get enough of that at work??

Liked by dr.taralewis, AaronHotchner, and 221 others

(y/n) what we decided to do on our off day (he finished it in like half an hour)

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emilyprenty you guys are such nerds wtf

-> (y/n) i'm your nerd

-> paparossi Not this again

-> spencerreid1 @/paparossi You're telling me.

spencerreid1 You need to learn to read faster, I was sitting there for hours waiting for you to finish.

-> (y/n) i'm never reading with you again

-> derekm seems like trouble in paradise

-> (y/n) you're gonna get blocked derek

Liked by emilyprenty, AshleySeaver, and 241 others

(y/n) im just leaving this here

View all 26 comments

spencerreid1 I TOLD YOU NOT TO POST THIS

-> (y/n) it looked to good to NOT post

-> princesspennyg This is adorable 🙃

-> spencerreid1 @/princesspennyg Do some hacker thing and take this down please.

-> princesspennyg Not happening

emilyprenty im not so sure his IQ is actually 187 after seeing this

-> (y/n) yeah idk either...

(ok ik this one doesn't have spencer but i love this pic sm leave me alone)

Liked by hotboylukealvez, Kristy_Simmons and 174 others

(y/n) the best mf gals in the fbi

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spencerreid1 I wasn't invited.

-> (y/n) girls only 🙄

-> emilyprenty you have cooties

-> dr.taralewis sucks to suck

princesspennyg WE NEED TO DO THIS AGAIN 🥳🥳🥳🥳

-> derekm With me next time

-> (y/n) Youre funny derek

-> derekm I was fr

-> (y/n) i wasnt

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(y/n) Note to self: don't let derek give spence fashion advice

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derekm You're just a hater it looks good

-> (y/n) yeah if you're blind

-> emilyprenty HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

jjareau yeah I think the sweater vests are the way to go

-> (y/n) id much rather that than whatever THIS is

again tysm for all the love on the last parts i'm so grateful and hopefully the first chapter of a new fic im writing will be out in the next week! love yall