#dean literally betrayed sam first at the end of s4

[pinbitch]

dean “at least he dies human” winchester: i never once left you to die!

[babygirl06301]

When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

S8

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end. 

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage. 

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

[airenyah]

what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone 

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

 cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space”     also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is 

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love” 

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them 

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas*    also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.”  “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially  “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk) 

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

[valleydean]

tbh it's also kinda wild that cas resolutely falls into dean's family camp. like you could easily argue cas is way more like jack than sam. and yet. (also LOVED sam ending the call with cas like "just come HOME", bc I still v much doubt cas thinks of the bunker as his home, yknow??? i love you sam. and I love sam's relationship with jack, too. damn i just loved this episode???)

well, the easy answer to your first point is “dean is so head over heels in love with cas it isn’t even funny.” but also think like..... ok this may get long. first of all, dean has known cas for 12 years and they’ve been through a LOT together. they’ve literally been through every plane of existence and back together. they’ve died for each other, fought for each other, fought each other, came back from the dead or the brink of the point of no return for each other, broken through mind control for each other. they watch movies together and listen to music and drive around and get beers. like, my point is - they have a bond that was not only immediate (judging by the way they were instantly drawn to each other in s4) but also something that formed over time in a slow, long, and arduous way, full of betrayals and apologies and what-have-you. they are BEST FRIENDS. (and i’m not here for the hetero “your lover can’t be your best friend” bullshit. they are BEST FRIENDS and they are in love and they’re SO lucky to be both things.) like... they’ve built a life together. so, yeah, cas is family.

[more under the cut because i don’t know how to shut the fuck up]

but.... jack.... look, i’m not saying what dean said is right. i actually disagree with him here, even though i understand his reasoning. but his relationship with jack has always been, more or less, defined by cas. in the beginning, dean blamed jack for cas’ death, so he hated him. then jack brought cas back and dean did a total 180. and he saw how much cas loved jack and was like - “cool, this is my child now.” but then jack killed mary, which, understandably, dean was angry about. and obviously he was hurt. and he blamed, not only jack, but cas... for letting jack into their lives. for making dean care about him. and obviously this season has been about dean learning to not take his rage out on everyone and comes to terms with his life - and i think he’s finally beginning to separate jack from cas in his mind. so like, he’s not mad at cas anymore, because now he understands that it was jack’s “fault” that mary died. (again, not saying i wholly agree. i’m just explaining my reasoning.) so i think like... jack was “family” when he was a part of cas - but now that he’s not, he’s “not like cas.” because jack betrayed them by killing mary, and dean can’t get passed that. (unlike when cas betrayed them way back when and, it took awhile since dean is pretty stubborn up there on his moral high horse and holds a grudge, dean ultimately forgave him because cas has always been his exception. he’s always been so lenient with cas in the end.)

so, that’s why - as gutting as it is - dean is like “jack isn’t family.” of course, i think in the end, dean will ultimately realize that - uh, yeah he is. i just think he needs to let go of the rest of his anger first, which seems to be where his character is headed. because i do think dean cares about jack. even in this same episode as dean claiming jack isn’t family, he was wary about letting jack be alone with adam, and he ran right up to jack in the end when jack collapsed. so it’s a little bit of dean’s actions speaking louder than words. i just think he needs to forgive and forgive himself, too, because their very nuanced relationship can stand on firm ground.

(and i also think it’s a little bit of dean forcing himself into thinking they don’t have another choice, so he’s trying to separate his emotions from his reasoning. because he’s SUPER emotional but he’s also very cerebral and can pretty much beat his feelings down with a hammer to let his logic win out in the end. so this might be him doing that, too. plus, of course, chuck’s influence, as we’ve learned. and... as an aside.... this man is traumatized. his entire life - all his pain and suffering, everything he went through as a child up until now, has been for someone else’s entertainment. he’s not free. he’s caged. i can’t blame him for wanting to do everything he can to get out of that. like, i understand, bro. but that’s neither here nor there.)

so anyway, moving on to your second point about cas not feeling at home. first of all, i also loved sam saying “just come home” to him because it was cute. but... i do think cas feels that the bunker and sam and dean are his home now. i don’t think he ever really considered heaven his “home.” maybe just in name, but i don’t think he ever truly felt like he fit. and then, for a long time, i think he didn’t think he fit on earth, either. and that caused him a lot of depression and he felt really lost. but... it’s been a journey for him, realizing that, yeah, he belongs here. ya know, we saw a couple episodes ago, in his speech when he said he’d found a family and he’d found jack, and he figured out, finally, who he was. i think that kinda solidifies that he knows where his home is now.

and it’s kinda been reiterated time and time again. with dean telling him “welcome home” (in s13′s tombstone) or “let’s go home” (s12′s stuck in the middle with you). and cas even said himself about dean, “he’s going home,” meaning the bunker (i believe that was in s10???) but anyway - it’s been a process. it’s been a process of cas finding himself and finding where he belongs, and ya know, like... realizing that dean and sam want him around.

and i don’t think he fully believed any of that until jack came along, and kinda solidified their family. like, they had this whole new dynamic all of a sudden and they kinda.... rediscovered each other through that. (i’m talking about cas, dean, and sam here.) i think jack fundamentally changed their relationship to one another and brought them closer together. so, yeah, a few years ago - i’d agree with you that cas doesn’t really feel at home in the bunker or on earth or anywhere. but now, i think i’m pretty adamant about saying cas knows who his family is and knows where he belongs now.

so yeah, that got long! but..... i wanted to talk lmao. clearly. i’d love to hear any of your thoughts on the matter, anon!

[phynali]

Season 6 supernatural re-write

keeping the seasonal plot points the same but tweaking the specifics so it flows more cohesively and sets up the next few seasons better.

we start with bobby phoning dean. it’s been 7 months since sam fell into the cage, dean’s looked for/at every possible way to get him out. he’s mourning still, but the days are getting easier.

then the call. a demon, or a shifter, or something. dean meets up with him. bobby has a photo - it’s definitely, unmistakably sam.

(because wtf there’s no universe bobby wouldn’t tell dean that sam was back from the dead if he knew, so - )

they track sam down. silver, holy water, everything. sam just laughs and goes for a hug, effectuating his best I Have a Soul impression for dean’s sudden appearance. he’s been out of the cage for months, running with this other crew now. 

(not sam campbell because him coming back from the dead was dumb. another hunter group, maybe one that sprung up around or as a result of the apocalypse. remind us of the previous season’s plot and the fact that sam was hunted by other hunters. remind us how dissonant and disjointed it is that he’s working with them now). 

no, he doesn’t think it’s odd that he didn’t go and get dean. dean was happy, sam was happy to leave him to it.

dean and bobby are O.O 

it is Immediately obvious that Something is Wrong. any pretense otherwise is dispelled very quickly and sam gives up the game, shrugs. tells it like it is. he didn’t go get dean back because dean might hold him back, because dean cares so much about coddling him and sam’s fine, he’s great, awesome, actually. he’s strong and solid and doesn’t feel burdened. he’s light. he doesn’t sleep.

he doesn’t sleep?

okay, so something might be off, but he’s not looking a gift horse in the mouth. dean can be his partner again though, sam likes having him around. it’s nice, they work well together. it’s good.

(is it the blood, sam? what? no, no, haha, i tried that. didn’t even take. it doesn’t work for me anymore. how weird is that? you did what? yeah, i wasn’t craving it, but i thought it might help me get stronger. it didn’t do anything. weird, right?)

(sam doesn’t need sleep but dean hardly can sleep after hearing that)

bobby is researching like mad to figure out what’s wrong with sam and sam is like...yeah fine whatever i think i’m supposed to care about you so i guess this is fine.

sam and lisa do Not get along. sam’s smile is razor sharp and she feels uncomfortable to have him in her house. we get the distinct impression sam let dean get vamped to spite her, and possibly egged dean on to her house. it doesn’t take a truth spell for dean to call in the big guns after that.

cass finally answers the phone prayer. he hadn’t considered the amount of danger dean might be in around Soulless till now. cass soul-fists sam and tells hm he has no soul. oops. 

and he doesn’t remember anything about hell? about how he got out of the cage? nothing at all?

sam smiles placidly. nothing, cass. i have no clue how i got out. 

(he knows. cass knows he knows).

sam agrees to get his soul back because why not. then he finds out how unpleasant that will be. he blackmails cass into helping him stop it from happening. (angels can’t get that far into hell without an army or an ally, cass. what did it cost for crowley to let you into hell? you his bitch now, cass? is that it?). 

cass and Souless as feral energy and restrained violence with each other. (”i dragged you out of that cage and i will throw you back in.” and “you dragged me out wrong and if you didn’t fuck this up the first time this wouldn’t be an issue now would it?”)

dean figuring out death can get sam’s soul. sam like ‘oh shit’ and trying to stop that, not by attempting to kill bobby (because this is my re-write and i hated that). except cass double-crosses sam and gags Soulless so he can’t spill the beans on him before the soul gets shoved in his body and the wall goes up.

in this version, cass puts up the wall (not Death). it’s not even clear if it’s necessary because the audience Does Not Trust cass at this point in the season after all the lies and talks with Soulless. Death gives us important exposition about the scarring on Sam’s soul and how deep it goes, how his soul is in literal tatters. it can repair itself, but it’s going to take a long damn time. this is gonna be relevant for the next three seasons.

note: his soul being in tatters is unrelated to the psychological trauma that the wall is keeping at bay inside his mind.

sam gets his soul. the wall goes up. sam remembers nothing. 

cass like :))) this is fine :)))

cass’s lies are spiralling. season plot happens, meg, demons, etc. mr. not-sam-campbell betrays them, crowley is an asshole, raphael, etc.

(can you imagine if Mr. not-sam-campbell was actually bela talbot? she was one of crowley’s contracts and maybe he resurrected her because he knows she’s the best and so she can keep an eye on cage-freed sam because crowley might’ve given cass permission to go down the cage but he’s not stupid enough not to keep his eye on this situation. gaaaah i miss bela so much, and the parallel of sam/bela and dean/lisa and dean’s memories of ruby but bela is Not a demon and she is terrified of Soulless because he’s a sociopath through and through, anyway don’t mind me).

when it all comes apart, when sam’s memories are slipping through and he starts to remember conversations with cass from when he was soulless, puts pieces together - 

cass breaks his wall. floods him with it. the “i dragged you out of the cage and i can put you back in” we had set up with him and sam earlier in the season is now actually coming full-circle in a metanarrative sense, and paying off cass first saying that to dean in s4 because sam’s pain is dean’s hell. chef’s kiss.

end of the season plays out the same. like i said, so few plot changes, just more cohesion and in-character.

next we’ll do seasons 7, 8, then 9 and how they will flow from this build-up better.

[mittensmorgul]

I always thought Anna said "only an angel can kill an angel" because the idea that a human (or anything else) could ever obtain an angel blade was so ridiculous, they didn't even consider it. As for Cas not knowing who was killing angels, I now personally interpret that Cas was such a blind soldier (or recently back from obedience training with Naomi) that the idea a fellow angel would be working against them just didn't compute until he saw it for himself. Shaky, I know, but it's all I got 😜

Confession: I am watching 4.16 AT THIS MOMENT. As I type this. It’s on the tnt loop this morning :’D

First off, it’s not Anna who says that line, it’s URIEL. Aka, the antagonist of this episode:

URIEL: Alastair was much more powerful than we had imagined.CASTIEL: No. No demon can overpower that trap. I made it myself. We've been friends for a long time, Uriel. Fought by each other's sides, served together away from home, for what seems like forever. We're brothers, Uriel. Pay me that respect. Tell me the truth.URIEL: The truth is, the only thing that can kill an angel...A blade slides out of URIEL's sleeve into his grasp.URIEL: ...is another angel.

What Anna says, before she stabs him:

CASTIEL: You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God.URIEL: You haven't even met the man. There is no will. No wrath. No God.Between each phrase, URIEL punches CASTIEL. The last time, he raises his fist and is stabbed through the neck from behind.ANNA: Maybe. Or maybe not. But there's still me.

I just wanted that clarified, because it does change the tone of the line, and informs how much stock we should put into that judgment, you know? Considering the level of manipulation Uriel employed throughout s4 to this point, it’s pretty blatantly Part Of The Grand Plan, and therefore should be examined critically because of that. Uriel... wasn’t stating this as a blatant fact, but more in the way of a villain monologue confession “Yes, ’twas I that burned down the house!” sort of deal, you know? Okay, back to the actual question! :D

My working theory is “It’s Chuck’s fault.” I mean, the show just confessed that everything bad is actually Chuck’s fault. But it’s kinda been saying that since s4, too. Yes, a lot of s4 (and 4.16 really began this framing) as “a betraying element in Heaven who sided with Lucifer causing dissent and disobedience among the angels, but when asked, all the angels and archangels stated their reason for going forward with the apocalypse was that it was God’s Will, you know? This was the Grand Plan. But it went deeper than that, too.

When asked why now, and when Dean asked why me, the answer at the bottom of it all was because I’m tired. Raphael in s6, Gabriel in s5... they just wanted it all to be over. They were tired of trying to understand and live by God’s Grand Plan.

But Gabriel has also said, in 5.08: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you?Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.

It was always gonna be Dean and Sam. Gabriel started messing with them years earlier. We know Chuck began writing the Supernatural books at the beginning of the series, with The Woman In White, but that he’d been setting things in motion for the apocalypse to happen since long before that, at least as far back as 1973. Or possibly the earliest timeline point in canon-- When Sam met Samuel Colt and Dean killed a phoenix with it in 1863. You know, Chuck had to set all that up if wanted Sam and Dean to actually have a chance of releasing the Leviathans, you know?

Even the orders Chuck supposedly left the angels with when he flapped off for parts unknown long before the start of canon were contradictory, forcing them to choose which set to follow. Cas’s line has always been that the purpose of angels was to watch over humanity, while other angels (Michael, Raphael, et al) have always insisted that their purpose was to enact the apocalypse to bring God back to the world. So what did Chuck actually tell the angels? BOTH things are probably true. The angels CHOSE what to do with the time that was given to them, and Cas always chose humanity, while others always chose obedience to the Grand Plan to end it all. It was still always a CHOICE. Even 5.22 framed it as a choice-- Lucifer told Michael they could just walk away, but Michael was convinced that they had to go through with the fight because it was destined. He could’ve chosen differently, but everything that had led him to that point had convinced him that he was making the right choice in fulfilling that destiny. Only TFW overrode that choice.

Because Chuck manipulated EVENTS and SITUATIONS. And then left the choices to PEOPLE. He reminds me so much of Ruby in s4: I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time.

We’ve seen the mind-boggling level at which Chuck can manipulate events and people-- snapping his fingers and everyone on the planet can just lie again. But compare what he is willing to snap his fingers over, and what he makes excuses for and refuses to snap his fingers over. And what he ACTIVELY MANIPULATES into being despite his stated intentions, you know?

He actively manipulated 4.18 into being. Yes, it was Ruby manipulating Sam throughout s4 into total reliance on her, total alienation from Dean, and making him believe that her way was the only way to “stop Lilith.” She’d stated it from the start, from s3, that the only thing she wanted was “Lilith dead.” And that was TRUE. She just... dodged telling them the WHOLE truth.

I think Chuck is very much the same. Very much the angels in s4 and s5 like Zachariah who “avoided certain truths to manipulate you.”

And in retrospect, Chuck would’ve had the power to just snap his fingers and make every angel just forget they had an angel blade for half a year (or a year, or even several years as he ramped up the events of the apocalypse). But he also could’ve snapped his fingers and made the angels content to watch over humanity for an eternity, you know?

Because the real question Sam and Dean shouldn’t have been asking wasn’t “Why Us?” The real question was “why NOW?” If all of these events had been destined since the beginning of time, why was Heaven and Hell scrambling to make it all happen now?

Cupids had to make John and Mary Winchester meet, fall in love, and produce Sam and Dean. Demons had to interfere throughout Sam’s life (we learned from Lucifer in 4.22). And events of s2 had to be arranged to push Dean to sell his soul for Sam in 2.22, but really it had been the events of Dean’s entire life that had prepared him to actually do so.

The entire apocalypse could’ve fallen apart if ANY of these things hadn’t happened in the prescribed order, you know? Which we saw the proof of in 14.13. One wish on that pearl that pulled John out of his original timeline before the beginning of canon as we know it was enough to undo the work of angels and demons. The apocalypse just... never happened in that wish-changed universe.

So for something that was “always destined to happen,” it was shockingly easy to undo, you know? Just like Zachariah had the power to implant false memories in Dean and Sam in 4.17, just like Gabriel had the power to force them to “play their roles” in tv show after tv show, that’s kind of what Chuck’s been doing their entire lives.

In 5.08, Gabriel didn’t force words into their mouths, you know? He didn’t dictate what they would choose. Their free will remained intact. He was just nudging them to make the choices he wanted them to by dropping them into specific situations. And they still resisted, still kept trying to find another way out. I really do think 5.08 is an excellent metaphor for just how Chuck has been meddling in their lives all along (and again, that aspect of Chuck is very “Gabriel,” you know? He does have the other archangels’ characteristics as well, but his Chuck persona-- the part of him that waffled and denied he had the power to fix anything in 11.20-11.23, the part that taught himself guitar and wants to be pals with creation-- is basically Advanced Gabriel.

And just... deciding the angels shouldn’t have swords for a while could’ve just been an “interesting writing choice” for him at the time. Maybe he just wanted to see what would happen. Maybe he thought taking away their main weapon would make it easier to bring on the apocalypse.

Because I’m sitting here watching Alastair nearly killing Cas right now, and I find it IMPOSSIBLE to believe that in that situation, if Cas had an angel blade, he wouldn’t have pulled it out and stabbed Alastair with it. Instead he relied on Ruby’s knife to inflict pain on Alastair, even though it wasn’t able to actually kill Alastair. But an angel blade WOULD’VE killed Alastair, you know? And in theory, it would’ve killed Lilith, too...

During a season where most of the angels truly believed they were trying to STOP the apocalypse from happening (only a few knew the true plan, confessed by Zachariah in 4.22), if there HAD been a confrontation between an angel and Lilith before the end of the season, it would’ve been a matter of a bit of a stabbing and then BOOM no apocalypse, ever.

And this whole situation that Uriel created in 4.16 was framed as “we must stop the demon responsible for killing the angels!” As if his secondary plan was simply to foment dissent and distrust among the angels while intensifying the drive to battle the armies of Hell.

And through all of this, Cas’s lesson via Anna is about learning to choose for himself, to think for himself. Basically... he’s learning how to be human, and what it means to have free will.

It’s only after he’s resurrected by Chuck in 5.01 that he suddenly has an angel blade again. And it’s only after that point that ALL the angels suddenly have them. When NONE of them had angel blades throughout the entirety of s4.

So when Uriel said that in 4.16 (which... I’m literally watching that scene RIGHT NOW), I think it was literally true. Uriel had the only angel blade in existence as of that moment.

[amwritingmeta]

S14 Finale: First Impressions

I got my grubby hands on the ep yesterday and watched it super late when everyone else had gone to bed and I was like clutching my face and stifling giggles of joy and just breathing OH MY FUCKING GOD (I shall never be able to actually use that expression again in the same manner but I did while watching oh YES) at the screen. :P

All I really want to put here is a screaming ghost face emoji and then a dancing lady in a red dress and then a crying his eyes out smiley and then idk like just all the expletives?

Yeah?

Because ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm HOLY FUCKING FUCK, BATMAN!

So happy. Ecstatic might even be the word!!

First impression —> Good.

So damn amazed at what they can communicate through a character performing one wordless action. Or an action attached to just one word. It’s... beautiful!!

And did we get a twist or what?? Our deus ex machina comes in and fucks shit up! I don’t think anyone saw him coming in to fix anything, right? But to have him come to subvert the very definition of a deus ex machina?? Aaaahhhhhhhh I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE DABB!! BRILLIANT!!

Jack. JACK. What can’t I say about our boy? How delighted am I not at how he handled himself this episode and might I scream about his ending up in the Empty? I may have enjoyed the idea of him heading off to Heaven with Cas, but that may still happen. Jack in the Empty is such fucking wish fulfilment though, that I can’t even begin. 

And BILLIE IS THERE!!! 

And they need to talk!! 

Shall we all just jump on the supportive bandwagon of Jack as our New God (as per rectifying the Godstiel arc and, by extension of Cas’ faith in him, stepping in to fucking help fix Cas’ earlier mistakes?? JAYSUS PLEASE ALL THAT IS GOOD!!) Seriously, Jack gaining control of his powers and helping Billie reap God and taking his rightful place leading Heaven and bringing balance between Heaven, Earth and Hell... My heart can barely cope. *teary eyed*

Obviously with his father figures (yes Sam and Dean are still good father figures) (they just went a little wayward there for a moment) possibly probably teaching and guiding him.

Oh my God, Dean not firing that gun! I was so relieved. Serious fists-to-mouthage going on at that moment like omg omg please Dean, please. And when he uncocked it and THREW IT ON THE GROUND?? *squeaks* 

And, hey, God did hand-deliver the weapon to kill Jack and it was left in Dean’s own hands to make the choice whether to shoot it or not, but oh man! The fact that killing the representative of his inner child combined with that swallowed up toxic masculinity and everything this represents meaning Dean literally fucking killing himself was just... That was just... I can’t. *big wobbly* *so gorgeous*

And I just did not expect that they’d turn God - pardon, I mean Chuck - into the Big Bad. It’s EPIC.

Jeez, here I was thinking of Chuck as the good guy just trying his best. The epitome of the parental figure that has learned to let go and take a step back. The dad who might’ve created in his image in order to be worshipped, but who then went on to create humanity and realising his mistake the first time around (with the angels) imbuing them (us) with free will. With choice. Because his angels’ worship and loyalty were manufactured. And he wanted to be loved. Truly loved. 

Bah. Humbug.

It’s fantastic!! Because of course there was always the controlling side to God. The God that locked his sister away. That betrayed her. The dark side to him, that’s all about being obeyed, and doing whatever he wants because he can... And how he represents lying, manipulation, control. The stuff that needs to be rooted out. Yessss. *fingers crossed* (I cannot believe Chuck is our Big Bad!!) (he’s our BIG BAD for the final season!!) *gah!*

Anyway. I don’t think Chuck was actually built, in the narrative, to be this. This is Dabb’s twist. But it’s fucking perfect and I love it. And ROB!!! YAAASSSS! More of Rob next season. *adoration falls on the floor omgl* *no not oh my good lord* *ombl* *oh my bad lord* :P 

Also. Is Chuck bad? Or is he still writing his story? You know? I mean, total Big Bad vibe for good reasons, but... he’s a liar, after all. What exactly is the lie and what’s the truth? :P

Sam. SAM. Telling Dean off, and then speaking to God and seeing through his BULLSHIT and getting in a car and driving to stop Dean. *shivers of pleasure* More of this next season. Come on, Sam. You know you’re such a strong, smart leader. You know who you are!! You just have to let him out.

Man! I hope all this happens sooner than later.

Cas.

I have no words. I have NO WORDS!! When he turned and walked out of that room after Dean had challenged him with how God had just told them what had to be done and if it didn’t suit Cas then he could just go. OMFG OMFG HE LEFT. He just gave Dean that Look - and left to go find his son. *sobs*

Also, that shoulder bump between Cas and Dean earlier. I am really, really intrigued by how Dean and Cas’ relationship will start off next season and how the writers will explore it. But this. This distance. CAS STANDING BETWEEN JACK AND DEAN!! Potentially hugely important. Amazing. Fantastic. And good lord does it bode well for his individual arc.

Where that arc is headed? I feel he’s still emotionally linked to Heaven, and for good reason. His bad choices has absolutely devastated his home. It’s completely understandable that he’s not just going to shrug his shoulders and go, well, my home’s on Earth now. So the salvation, to me, lies in Jack. I mean. The setup is formidable, if this is where they’re headed. It’s beautiful. And emotional. And fitting. Because through his entire journey, Cas has learned the lessons needed to have actual faith in Jack, even when no one else did, and through this faith, Jack might turn out to be the one being that can restore Heaven to its former glory. And fix what Cas broke.

Oh, it would be... so satisfactory. It really would. The bringer of balance. The representative of Heaven, Humanity and Hell. Sitting on the throne of Heaven while keeping Hell in check. Leaving Earth to its dealings. The way it was done before S4 and the breaking of the first seal and the rising of Lucifer, which was all brought on by... God himself. Yeah. I mean. To close this narrative this way would be... Mh. Goodness.

Seriously, this is a rambling mess of first impressions, but oh, those first impressions were so good. I’m so excited. This finale was absolutely fantasmical and next season They Go Big. *no kidding*

I’m so happy they got to stay together. THEY KEPT THEM TOGETHER!! FOR THE SEASON FINALE!!! I’m so fucking happy!! No matter the tension between Dean and Cas, they’re, all three of them, together. What if that’s the tone for next season? Teamwork. Learning to communicate. More episodes together as a trio rather than spent apart, divided up?? *tears up again at the mere possibility of it all* 

What we surely do have is TFW, shoulder to shoulder, facing the end of the world. 

Apocalypse Now, here we come. 

Hot. Damn.

*I love this show*

I’ll write more meta asap (literally meaning As Soon As Possible) (life is misbehaving at the moment and hours are short and far between), but there’s so much meta to write!!

Also, welcome to Hellatus. 

If this is your first time, please know that there’s plenty of fan fiction and meta writing to get you through, and don’t forget to check out the archives. We’ve got fourteen seasons smack on the table ripe for dissecting. Blades at the ready. Sharpest ones, if you please. 

Aw. 

We’re gonna have So Much Fun! 

[aerialflight]

Supernatural Fic Recs

I am on a spree in a fandom I haven’t been into in years. It’s slowly ruining me but I can’t say I regret it. So, here are some Supernatural fic recs that I hope you all enjoy! (Also, if anyone wants to rec any good Supernatural fics to me, I would really REALLY appreciate it. XD)

-

See the World in Green and Blue by parenthetical

Ship: Castiel/Dean

Castiel spends a day learning what it's like to be human.

(i know this is an old fic and in the S4 era, but it was just fascinating to see how people characterized Castiel before really getting to know him in S5. and this was before the show established rules on angel mythos or anything so it was really interesting to see that. also, i just like how dean and castiel’s relationship presented here hahaha!)

Smoke by schmerzerling for justlikedaylightsavingstime

Ships: Castiel/Dean, Jessica/Sam

Dean, struggling to come back to the real world after six years in the military, meets Castiel when his brother drags him to a New Year's Eve party. Whether or not that's a good thing is anybody's guess.

Part 1 of Stone & Bone/Bong & Dong/Toke & Poke

(i actually don’t usually get into modern aus but man, this was a Good Fic. also, castiel has the attitude of enderverse!Cas and it’s really heartbreaking. two broken people trying to survive in society. also, it’s part of a series and the part 2 just hits so hard, wow. really delves into just how sad and messed up our boy cas is, i wanna hug him. definitely recommend this.)

Pieces of Dean by Ahaviel

Ship: Castiel/Dean

When Dean takes the brunt of a spell intended to evict Castiel from his vessel, his mind fractures and it falls to Cas and Sam to put him back together—not knowing how many pieces of Dean there are, or which part will come out next. Will it be the innocent child who remembers that angels are watching over him? The Hell-tortured adult who believes he’s not worthy of rescue? The angry hunter who has been betrayed one too many times? Or the lover who no longer has a reason to hold back?

(a very interesting character study of dean and all the different facets of his personality and experiences. sam and cas trying their best to fix this mess and navigating Dean Winchester’s psych, which is a fun carnival ride for everyone (not). oh dean.)

So Says The Sword by komodobits

Ship: Castiel/Dean

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

(okay, this fic was beautiful. my god, this was so human?? i don’t know how to pin this fic with just one word. it just brought out so many feelings and questioned what constitutes as real or not real? castiel learns the power of free will and his slow, building relationship with dean is tentative and full of mistrust yet with a growing want to understand this mercurial human whose motives you slowly figure out alongside cas. it’s slowburn and deep in the best of ways and i loved every minute of it. please please read!)

Chapter 1: Make sure Sam goes to that interview. by Firebog

Ships: Castiel/Dean, Jessica/Sam

Dean listened to a story that started with him in Hell. Real literal Hell. And ended in a hell on earth. The whole thing sounded goddamned ridiculous. Angels? Prophets? The Devil? What a load of bullshit.

(The first Chapter of But Instead, We Become This. Endverse!Cas is unwillingly sent back to 2005 with a list that should stop the apocalypse; that's assuming he doesn't royally fuck it up. This is a story about trying to fix things when you're a little broken too.)

Part 2 of But Instead, We Become This

(okay, remember how i said earlier that endverse!cas in the other rec is a mess? it must be a universal rule or something that endverse!cas is a disaster human (and can you blame him? apocolypses man.), because in this fic, wow. let’s just say the tags definitely warn you with #Generally one should do the opposite of Endverse Castiel, #kind of attempted suicide, #coping with emotions Winchester style. which, yeah, that last one. cas outwins how dean deals with trauma by many miles and that’s saying something. also, don’t expect dean and cas getting together any time soon.The tags say it all. #incredibly slow burn for anything Dean/Cas, #Seriously in a race between them getting together and a snail the snail would win, #the snail would probably lap them, #twice. yeah, this fic is the pinacle of angst and i love it. definitely read.)

Don’t They Look in Peace (Sometimes I Wish That Was Me) by HunterPeverell

When Dad and Sam left him, Dean turned to stories.

Or, Dean is famous for his one-liners, his references. He makes cracks constantly, grins like he expects Sam to get the joke. He was a hunter, though. When did he have time to get caught up?

Loneliness, Dean discovered, will make one do odd things.

(i am a complete sucker for fics that have books play a prominent role in fics. definitely the reason why i love gilmore girls fics. and god, do i get dean using books as an escapism method. i just love reading about characters who love reading, it’s a personal weakness. the prose is beautiful and i just love this fic so much, you have no idea.)

Of Beginnings by Aytheria

It’s the Apocalypse and the pagan gods aren’t just going to roll over and let the world end. One of them has a plan, something the angels and demons won’t see coming. Sam and Dean Winchester certainly don’t.

(god a part of me wishes this was canon. i really really the slow development of the pagan gods’ plans without the winchesters realizing what’s happening. this is definitely one of my favorite supernatural fics, the worldbuilding is fantastic. i want to reread this over and over again.)

Plum Tree by vipjuly

Ship: Castiel/Dean

When an angel is born and they breathe their first and only breath, their exhale preserves the utmost purity on the back of celestial winds, dropping the soul down to the Earth where it can grow inside a host. Each time Castiel makes to collect, it's never the right time.

Or:

Every time the Righteous Man gets reincarnated, Castiel touches down to meet him and falls more and more in love, until finally, it's the right time.

(i was trying to find reincarnation fics and stumbled on this little diamond. cas finding dean in whatever time period he’s at and slowly falling in love with him was such a journey. really love this fic and definitely recommend this to anyone who has a weakness for reincarnation fics!)

[mittensmorgul]

The tnt loop is attempting to kill me with 4.20 and 4.21 today. So right after Cas was about to give the Critical Information to Dean until Heaven snatched him back for a good brainscrubbing, Dean’s dealing with what they think is the way to STOP the apocalypse, while Cas knows the apocalypse is imminent. So Dean and Sam are arguing over who is “strong enough” to kill Lilith, while the angels are just sitting back and waiting for them to get on with it, knowing they’ve secured Dean’s oath of loyalty, assuming he’ll just say yes to Michael when they tell him to.

But the Major Plot Twist of s4 is coming up in the next episode-- the goal was never to stop the apocalypse, but to ensure all the steps to start it happened in the precise way necessary to free Lucifer and have his and Michael’s vessels broken enough to give them an instant yes, game over, the end.

I’m thinking this is going to come around again, this Oh Shit Moment, where everything they’ve been working toward is gonna turn around and bite them hard, especially now that on the surface everything finally looks safe again. Well, aside from whatever Jack has become, and the deal with the Empty that nobody but Cas and Jack know about yet.

Sam’s hallucinations are just so horrific. I’ve written about this so many times, and it’s not the focus of this post, but it at least merits a mention for context. His “young self” is disappointed in him for failing to escape the life and be “normal,” his hallucination of Mary assures him he’s strong and by contrast Dean is weak (paralleling Ruby’s poisoned words that secured Sam’s dependence on her and her influence over him), and his hallucination of Dean shows us exactly how Sam feels about his older brother... and it’s really not flattering, despite being a toxic hallucination brought on by demon blood...

But back to the point of this post:

BOBBY: Well, I don't like this any more than you do, but Sam can kill demons. He's got a shot at stopping Armageddon. DEAN: So what? Sacrifice Sam's life, his soul, for the greater good? Is that what you're saying? Times are bad, so let's use Sam as a nuclear warhead? BOBBY: Look, I know you hate me for suggesting it. I hate me for suggesting it. I love that boy like a son. All I'm saying is maybe he's here right now instead of on the battlefield because we love him too much.

Isn’t this exactly the path that Jack has been on for a good long while now. Not just his soul-consuming need to use his powers to help his loved ones in 14.14, but this goes back to before he ever lost his grace in the first place. Before he was even born. He has always believed he was born for a reason. He may not always have understood what that was, and he’s struggled to understand himself and his powers and purpose, but Lucifer conceived him to be a tool for power, and Kelly’s influence inspired him to be a force for good, without placing any other expectations or limitations on him.

Which makes me think back to Jack’s “visions of the future” he used to manipulate Cas way back in 12.19, and the literal blind spots we know this sort of prophecy and foresight entail. Because wasn’t that the whole entire kicker of s4? In s4, it worked in Heaven’s favor, but in s5, Free Will won out over all the prophecies.

Knowing the “future,” getting any sort of glimpse at a potential possible future reality, is inherently manipulative. Either it becomes a fait accompli, or else it inspires actively working against the undesirable future. The question then becomes which actions unwittingly drive them closer to that undesirable future, and which actively steer them away from it, inevitably altering the potential outcomes. Because s4 proved that the harder they tried to work against destiny, the closer they came to bringing it to fruition, mostly because they were working from a forged playbook filled with alternative facts. The entire plan they were told would stop the apocalypse was actually what would bring it on. Like Dean says in 5.01, who knew killing Lilith was a BAD thing?

Is it any wonder why I trust exactly ZERO prophecies made on this show? Exactly. Like Dean, I’m always looking for the loophole, the manipulation, the lie inherently built in to any revelation of “destiny” or “prophecy.”

But back to 4.21. While Sam was having visions of Mary begging him to make her death “mean something,” by using his demon blood powers, and convincing him that Dean is weak and could never do this himself, Dean’s outside being manipulated into a different, yet still just as irrelevantly misleading path:

DEAN: Can he do it? Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse? CASTIEL: Possibly, yes. But as you know, he'd have to take certain steps. DEAN: Crank up the hell-blood regimen. CASTIEL: Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill. There's no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean. We believe it's you, Dean, not your brother. The only question for us is whether you're willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it. DEAN: If I do this, Sammy doesn't have to? CASTIEL: If it gives you comfort to see it that way.

It’s all still entirely misleading, not giving Dean enough information to suss out the truth for himself. While Sam’s down chained to his cot hallucinating a version of Dean “putting him in his place,” and rejecting him because he’s turned himself into a monster, for the sake of a selfish power grab, as if Sam’s motives were to elevate himself to this place of power, we see Dean upstairs and how he REALLY feels-- not how Sam’s darkest thoughts perceive Dean’s feelings to be...

Which closely parallels Jack’s own darkest thoughts about himself. His entire struggle over whether he was good or evil, his fears over the fact that no matter how much good he might try to do, there’s always the chance that he could fall short or fail entirely, the fear that his own power could betray his best intentions. And after 14.14, with his soul potentially compromised, there’s every real possibility that his power would overwhelm his intentions without that buffer of humanity to stop him, much like Donatello exposing himself to the demon tablet did.

And again, back to 4.21:

BOBBY: I'm sorry. I can't bite my tongue any longer. We're killing him. Keeping him locked up down there. This cold-turkey thing isn't working. If—if he doesn't get what he needs, soon, Sam's not gonna last much longer. DEAN: No. I'm not giving him demon blood. I won't do it. BOBBY: And if he dies? DEAN: Then at least he dies human!

Dean’s concern was almost entirely for the state of Sam’s humanity. And we already know the lengths Dean has been willing to go to protect Sam from becoming a “monster.” Just look at early s6, and the bargain Dean made with Death in 6.11, and then everything that sprung from that. And this all obviously goes back to the “job” John gave Dean in 2.01-- to save Sam from becoming that monster, or else to kill him if Dean fails and Sam becomes that monster.

Jack’s been exerting his will over others since before he was born, and he continues to do that in s14. He hid his illness, his weakness, and when he discovered the new source of power he could use to achieve his goal of killing Michael, he seized it with both hands. Literally! Look!:

But like Sam in 4.21 and 4.22, is this really going to achieve what he believed was his desired outcome?

Because Michael’s taunt to Jack sounds so much like what Sam believed were Dean’s motivations in wanting him to stop what he was doing in 4.21. Michael called Jack a child, belittling him. And in 4.21, Sam believed that’s what Dean was suggesting-- that he wasn’t strong enough, or that he was somehow corrupted or even just didn’t understand...

SAM: Stop bossing me around, Dean. Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me. DEAN: No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam. SAM: Yes, I do. DEAN: Then that's worse.

Because Sam really DIDN’T know what he was doing, as blinded as he was by Ruby’s lies and manipulations, not to mention the addiction to demon blood and the power it gave him.

Sam did have his doubts, even as he and Ruby were driving to his destiny. He wondered if Dean had been right, but again was manipulated via the forged voicemail from Dean. We learn the entire year, or perhaps even longer from the moment Ruby first entered his life, had been one long con leading to this moment, the ultimate betrayal leading him directly to his meticulously orchestrated “destiny.”

Hello, Lucifer.

So what does this mean for Jack going forward? That is certainly the question.

[mittensmorgul]

So I've been having Thoughts and Feelings about Dean being the lead torturer for TFW. In 10x21 and also in 13x22 (and obviously in 4x16 and probably others I've missed). What do you think?

Hi there. I have had loads of thoughts and feelings about this, but probably not more than Dean himself has. S4 was agonizing as the true horror of what he experienced in Hell unfolded. We learned little by little what actually happened to him. First that he remembered it at all (in 4.06! IT TOOK UNTIL 4.06 for even US the audience to learn he remembered things about Hell), and Sam didn’t even know that Dean remembered any of it until Uriel told Sam to ask Dean what he remembered in 4.07.

I’m putting this under a cut, because this essentially turned into a retrospective of torture on Supernatural post 4.01, and heeeeck it’s kinda dark. It also got really, really long.

Sam begins pestering Dean for details in 4.08, and at the end of the episode Dean tells him he’s not going to lie anymore, but he’s not gonna talk about it, either. Because it was just THAT traumatizing for him. EIGHT EPISODES LATER.

It’s not until the final scenes of 4.10 that Dean breaks down and tearfully confesses some of his experience to Sam.

Dean: It wasn't four months, you know.Sam: What?Dean: It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.Sam: My God.Dean: They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... at the end of every day... every one... he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on... if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The -- the things that I did to them.Sam: Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have.Dean: How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

And it’s not until the final scene of 4.11, aka that episode that they intentionally tried to craft as something so awful no network would ever air it again, like, deliberately scraping the bottom of the barrel to see how bad an episode they could get away with making, including all the shock value and zero redemptive quality, that we learn the absolute horror of Dean’s experience. Not only did he torture, but he liked it, and he can never forgive himself for that.

DEAN: You know, I felt for those sons of bitches back there. Lifelong torture turns you into something like that.SAM: You were in hell, Dean. Look, maybe you did what you did there, but you're not them. They were barely human.DEAN: Yeah, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam, defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure.SAM: What?DEAN: I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years, all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself. I didn't care who they put in front of me. Because that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

And it can’t possibly get worse than that. He’d essentially described what it feels like to become a demon, and it seems he was well along in the process when he was finally pulled from Hell and restored to his body with all the demon smoke scrubbed off his soul. Or else it wouldn’t trouble him to live with this memory of what he became there.

Note also that this is the turning point where Sam begins to buy into Ruby’s claims that Dean is “weak,” and too weak to really follow through with the hunt for Lilith. And Sam returns in the very next episode to start drinking Ruby’s blood and practicing his demon magic again. He believes that Dean “broke” permanently, and no longer trusts his ability. He begins to see Dean as “fragile.”

Which is why he goes running to Dean’s rescue in 4.16. Cas is no longer “in charge,” because he’d grown too sympathetic to the humans in his charge (literally Dean specifically, and Uriel was now running the show. And Uriel WANTED Dean “broken.” He wanted Dean damaged enough to be subservient to Heaven’s will.

Everything that happened in that episode (thanks, Edlund) is critical for understanding Dean and Cas. Cas begins to understand Dean on a truly human level:

DEAN: You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.CASTIEL: For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

But he does it anyway. Meanwhile Cas begins to learn that something is truly rotten in the state of Heaven, that their orders aren’t all coming for reliable sources and that some angels have defected to Lucifer’s side in this. Dean learns the horrific truth that his “failure” in Hell was more than a moral or personal failing, but was literally the first key in starting the apocalypse. But after going through this fresh hell together, he and Cas are finally on the same side in this... on the side of Humanity over the squabbles of Heaven and Hell.

Sidebar to note that in the very next episode, Zachariah had to step in with a false reality to motivate Dean into even wanting to continue the fight... even if Zachariah’s machinations tended to go sideways on him...  but this is still important to note for Dean’s next run-in with torture, because it was yet another run-in with Zachariah and a manipulative vision of a horrific future where Dean apparently DIDN’T comply with Heaven’s wishes where he discovered his future-self was casually engaging in torture again.

In 5.04, Dean is disgusted with his “future self” that he seemed to rely heavily on his skill as a torturer. He called it classy. And look how well all that turned out for him... >.>

Over the years, Dean’s had multiple other run-ins with torture-- either performing it himself or his observations about others engaging in it. I’m just gonna make a list here for reference purposes, because I think a pattern emerges:

6.03: Dean is HIGHLY judgmental of Castiel’s treatment of Aaron Birch, a CHILD who Cas “can’t care about” because he’s at war... Dean’s reaction is expected, but it’s also used to demonstrate Sam’s LACK of a reaction. We’re supposed to be suspicious of why Sam would just... stand there and watch this happen, and we’re supposed to be very concerned for Sam because he doesn’t become upset the way Dean does.

6.07: Dean is HIGHLY judgmental of Sam (especially now that he knows Sam has no soul) when he learns what Samuel is doing with the Alphas he captures-- that he’s torturing them for information, but Sam doesn’t know what information.

6.10: This one’s full of torture on all sides >.> Dean is tied up and threatened with torture by Meg, Meg is eventually captured and tortured, but Dean kills Christian-possessed-by-a-demon. Dean then turns around and traps Crowley, and threatens him with Meg torturing him... not Dean himself doing the torture, but he’s tired of being on Crowley’s payroll trying to earn back Sam’s soul, and he seems less fussy about torturing demons than people, but still not doing it himself.

6.19: we see, and Bobby sees, Cas torture one of the people Eve had turned into a Jefferson Starship, for information on Eve’s location. I highly doubt that Bobby actually shared that fact with Dean, because he seemed downright horrified enough. And the pain of 6.20 is gonna hit Dean like a ton of bricks, so I like to think he didn’t know about Cas’s casual torture here.

6.21: But as horrific as everything in 6.20 was, it drove Dean to this point of bleak despair, learning of Cas’s betrayal that goes back more than a year, with the final straw being Lisa and Ben’s kidnapping. Dean... breaks. He grimly picks up his torture implements and tries to find where Lisa and Ben are being held by trapping and torturing demons. He’s so distraught he nearly gets himself killed, but Cas arrives just in time to save him. Meanwhile Sam resorts to a different tactic-- summoning Balthazar and asking him for help. Cas finds out that Balthazar “betrayed” him to the Winchesters, and kills him. It’s... a terrible state of affairs all around.

7.06: With a captured Leviathan, it’s Bobby who sets about systematically-- well not torturing per se, but trying to figure out what might even hurt or kill a leviathan. It’s effectively the same as torture, though, and thank heck Dean isn’t the one carrying it out. Enter: the season of throwing cleaning products at bad things.

7.15: Dean is tied up and tortured again, this time by someone he’d tied up and tortured back during the apocalypse, someone who’d been possessed by a demon they needed information from, and yet someone who claimed to want to help and actually consented to the torture if it got the demon to talk... but it was all lies, and now the guy wanted “his demon” back.

Then there was Purgatory, where everything was “pure.” It was 24/7 WHERE’S THE ANGEL, and interrogating everything he could catch and killing everything else. It was about finding Cas and surviving everything else. And it’s fucking scary. When he gets back, he’s shaken by his experiences there, but he’s also finally got a different context to associate with his abilities as a torturer. Something “safer” to pin those associations on at any rate rather than pointless gleeful torture for torture’s sake.

8.02: We see Dean resort, via flashback to his torturing a monster in Purgatory, to a similar but slightly more restrained technique (slamming a witness against a wall, choking him, and holding a knife to his neck) to get information back in the real world. He doesn’t go through with physical harm, but heck... that was torture.

8.07: But then Cas miraculously comes back. Dean’s wary, but it’s not Dean doing the torturing in this episode. It’s Crowley, torturing Kevin. Well, Dean does threaten a demon that Linda captured into revealing Crowley’s location, and then kills the demon when they get the information. >.>

8.10: Again, it’s Crowley doing the torturing, of Samandriel. It also becomes clear that Cas is suffering the aftereffects of some similar form of torture inflicted on him by Naomi, and his actions bear this out when he’s ordered to kill amandriel. It seems that Dean is put off again by torture, concerned for Cas, but refuses to even listen to information Crowley’s minion tried to share before killing him outright (whoopsie... that could’ve saved some trouble in 8.17...)

8.15: Dean is tortured by a witch (and Sam is, too), and they’re forced to relive hell-related memories. Not fun...

8.17: Dean describes Cas’s interrogation technique as “zero dark thirty,” and is rather horrified. He’s beaten and nearly killed by Cas before he breaks through... Cas heals him, and he finally learns that Cas has been controlled by Naomi this entire time, but then Cas flees, now being controlled by the Angel Tablet itself, with his only mission to protect that tablet at all costs.

I think it’s fair to say that Dean, by this point, has some fairly complicated associations with torture.

8.21: Cas is tortured by Crowley, and the Angel Tablet is stolen from him, but he escapes. 

8.22: Basically one long, slow torture by Crowley, killing people they’ve saved until they agree to his demands to turn over the Demon Tablet.

9.02: Sam and Dean have to save other hunters from being tortured by Abaddon. They were a trap designed to capture the Winchesters, but Gadreel-in-Sam was not something they’d been expecting...

9.03: Yeah, April tortures Cas, but Sam and Dean also capture a “rogue reaper” and torture him for information on Cas’s location. Dean had no difficulty cutting into a reaper who had been dispatched to capture and torture Cas for info...

9.09: Cas is captured and tortured by an angel faction, but managed to steal another angel’s grace and save himself.

And then in 9.11, Dean takes on the Mark of Cain, and is affected by it for the next season and a half... wherein he wrestles with the “darkness” in him, and then whoopsie, finds out that a lot of that darkness in him was The Darkness and not him at all...

Which period covers one of your original episodes you’d asked about: 10.21.

This was Dean’s final descent into the darkness of the Mark of Cain. I mean, even back in 10.14, there was a lot of references to what he was asked to do back in 4.16, and the same sort of vibe, with the twist that Dean KNOWS he needs to do this, and that he’s literally the only person in the world who can. So instead of grim acceptance and resignation, he basically psychs himself up for killing Cain, puts a plan in place, and does what needs to be done.

In 10.14, it’s no longer, “if I go in there, you won’t like what comes out,” but “I need to go in there, regardless of what comes out.”

So even if this isn’t a torture situation, it’s a moment for Dean to confront that similar moment (and loads of others like it) from his past.

10.21 I take with several grains of salt, because first of all it’s a Bucklemming episode, and they’re infamous for a gratuitous use of torture, sexualized violence, and general skeeviness. But also, this is Dean succumbing to the Mark of Cain/The Darkness. He does the torturing because he’s pragmatic. He’s good at it, and he’s also already “tainted” by it in ways that Sam isn’t (or at least not to this degree... Sam had his own run with darkness at the beginning of s10 when he was torturing demons for information on Dean, not to mention his treatment of Rowena in the run up to the end of s10, which absolutely also counts as torture).

10.22: Dean gives into the darkness, and while it’s not presented as torture, he’s an asshole who torments the parents of a kidnapped girl, slaughters his way through the entire Styne family, and nearly kills Cas before walking out.

But then the MoC is gone, and Dean’s himself again for the first time in a year and a half.

Through s11, Dean is more often the witness to torture (Cas under the Attack Dog Spell, the various things the Darkness perpetuates such as the Zompires, and the werewolf victims in 11.17) or the victim of torture (by the naczer... nachez... the ghoulpires in 11.04, by the demon in 11.15) than the perpetrator.

The BMoL and Lucifer were behind most of the torturing in s12, forcing Dean to refresh his perspective on those morally grey areas.

I think another important episode you missed was 13.07, where they capture and confront Ketch, who’d been torturing and killing witches for information on Rowena’s whereabouts. Dean sees through Ketch’s lies from the start, and has no problem torturing Ketch. (again, this is Bucklemming, so have your serving of salt) But Dean knows who and what Ketch is, and that goes a long way, I think, to making it easier for him to dole out torture in this case.

13.14: Donatello has been corrupted by the demon tablet and attacks Sam. Dean attempts to interrogate him, but Donatello is too powerful and nearly suffocates him with magic. Cas falls on his sword, carrying out a horrific torture of stripping Donatello’s memories from him, leaving him brain dead, because Dean and Sam had not wanted to kill Donatello, despite that essentially being the only way to stop him. And it tortured Cas as much as it tortured Donatello, as we saw the results of that particular ability of Castiel’s demonstrated by the broken and tormented version of him in the alternate universe in 13.22.

And while it’s also Bucklemming, I will give credit to 13.22 for demonstrating the parallel between the AU!Castiel version of torture, and the cooperative version that Dean and Cas carried out together. AU!Castiel was reprogrammed to the point of breaking under the weight of the horrors he’d perpetrated, and his only purpose, which he seemed to take pleasure in, was this specific form of torture for information, stripping the memories from his victims until nothing was left.

We had this particular horror set up both with Donatello, but also a season earlier in 12.11 when Dean’s memories were disappearing one by one, until nothing would’ve been left of him. He’s got a very personal association with that particular form of torture.

And in full disclosure here, this is one of my personal biggest fears. I do not like amnesia as a trope, I do not like reading it, I avoid stuff based around loss of identity, because it’s triggering and nothankyou I do not need a psychotic break today. So... suffice it to say, the lack of my going into explicit detail here is a method of self-preservation, and I thank y’all for not posing more direct questions about it. I will not answer them.

But Dean and Cas working together, getting information from someone who’d betrayed all of humanity in giving information to the angels, and yet STILL only taking that ONE bit of information before stopping the torture... I mean they were trying not only to save Charlie and Ketch’s lives, but trying to rescue them before the angels tortured them into giving up everything about the human resistance, putting the rest of humanity in jeopardy.

This was about more than just a horrific act of torture, but about the stark contrast between both the method and the cooperation between Cas and Dean, the trust, and who they are as people compared to what they so easily could’ve become.

Dean so very easily could’ve become what Ketch was in 12.21, and Cas could so very easily have become what AU!Castiel became, BECAUSE of torture inflicted on them, and torture they’d doled out themselves, but that’s not who they are, and it doesn’t define them.

So yeah, I guess that’s the evolution of Dean as a torturer. 

[mittensmorgul]

Wow... remember the s12 Hellatus Meta Wank-A-Thon? Remember how toxic and awful it was? If you’re not in the mood to relive it, you probably don’t want to click the read more.

Or: the one where Mittens picked on an innocent crack post because I was sick of reading Dean Character Assassination.

AKA: That one where Mittens goes spare defending actual meta from wanky crack that completely misrepresented Dean Winchester.

i.e. That one where Mittens explains the difference between Dean’s instincts and the quality of information those instincts supply him with, and the fact that Dean’s instincts really are never wrong per se but also don’t imbue him with the power of Omniscience.

also, read at your own risk... there’s a reason this is under a cut. However if you’re an unapologetic Dean girl you’ll probably enjoy it.

From this post (which I do understand as crack, due to the fact it pulls random scenarios entirely out of context to support a headcanon that contradicts pretty much every bit of meta I’ve ever read... including this post and the attendant photo/gif set that also went around recently, which I can’t seem to find on my blog but essentially proves the opposite of this-- and honestly y’all can’t have it both ways just because the opposite interpretation is convenient):

Dean: Cas would never say 'no' to me, it's not Cas. Trust me, I'm the Cas expert Sam: Hold on Dean: What? Get the Holy Fire! Sam: *Pulls out list, puts on reading glasses, begins reading from list* Won't acknowledge Castiel gone dark side, when he was working with Crowley. Although all the signs were there. Made up false memories from purgatory because you couldn't accept Cas choosing to leave you Dean: Shut uppp Sam: Didn't realise Cas was possessed by Lucifer

Because yes, Dean IS the Cas expert, even when he doesn’t understand the fact.

Let’s go point by point:

1. in 6.20 Dean refused to accept that Cas had gone “dark side” until he had evidence to prove that Cas could do something so horrifying. Just the same as Dean has spent basically the entire series giving SAM the benefit of the doubt. Dean is not quite so eager to condemn his loved ones without undeniable proof that they’ve betrayed him, you know? Let’s look at 2.05 for evidence of this, because that example also conveniently includes a form of mind control:

Andy: Tell the truth! Sam: That's what I'm - Dean: We hunt demons. Andy: What? Sam: Dean! Dean: Demons and spirits. Things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother... Sam: Dean, shut up! Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic. Kind of like you. Well, not really like you, but see, he thinks you're a murderer, and he's afraid that he's going to become one himself, 'cause you're all part of something that's terrible. And, I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

Or perhaps we should look at Dean’s low-level suspicions of Sam’s “demon powers” in s4, carefully noting that he refused to prematurely make accusations against Sam until he had evidence to base his ~gut instinct feelings~ on.

Despite months of suspicions, despite NUMEROUS attempts at practically BEGGING Cas to let him help, to at least listen to what Cas was involved with, Sam and Dean spent most of s6 entirely in the dark. It’s not that they didn’t CARE about Cas, it’s that Cas REFUSED TO INVOLVE THEM. From 6.03:

CASTIEL: I can explain later. Right now we have to -- DEAN: No, not later. Now. Stop, all right? Too many angels, Cas! I don't know who's on first, what's on second. CASTIEL: What is "second"?! DEAN: Don't start that. CASTIEL: It is simple: Raphael and his followers, they want him to rule Heaven. I -- and many others -- the last thing we want is to let him take over. It would be catastrophic.

and 

DEAN: Why does Raphael want to bring back all this crap? CASTIEL: He's a traditionalist. DEAN: Cas, why didn't you tell us this? CASTIEL: I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I'm sorry. Now I need your blood.

At this point Dean has been out of the loop on EVERYTHING for near on a year, and Sam is currently soulless (but we don’t know that yet, aside from the fact that Dean is side-eyeing Sam and having uneasy and wary ~feelings~ that something is not quite right with Sam). Dean’s playing a game of Cosmic Catch-Up set to the highest difficulty level. He’s not about to go flinging around accusations that he can’t back up with evidence. His ~gut feeling~ isn’t enough to condemn his loved ones. They’ve earned better from him than that.

Even Death warning Dean in 6.11 about Cas, and the dangerous road he was traveling down regarding “the souls” (despite it being so vague as to be entirely unhelpful to Dean, other than to give some credit to that gut feeling of ~wrongness~ about Cas’s behavior, without giving him any direct evidence to bring to Cas and confront him in a way that Cas can’t wriggle out of yet again).

Like the end of 6.15:

SAM Cas, what the hell? Wait, wait, you were in on this, using us a diversion? CASTIEL It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing. DEAN That's not comforting, Cas. CASTIEL When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose. Everything. DEAN Yeah, Cas. We know the stakes. That's about all you've told us! CASTIEL I'm sorry about all this. I'll explain when I can.

As we learn in 6.20, we understand that even in 6.15, or in 6.17, or 6.18, or 6.19-- all episodes where Cas had an opportunity to come clean to Dean and Sam and yet CONTINUED to hide the truth from them, not because he was short on time but because he knew what he was doing was morally wrong and that he would lose their support, yet he was far too deep in his web of lies (can you see why this “reimagining” of canon is infuriating yet? And how horrifyingly painful s6 is when you look at it honestly as the narrative presents these cold facts?)--

CASTIEL I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I-I don't know anymore.

or

SAM Castiel...This is really important, okay? Um...We really need to talk to you. DEAN Castiel...Come on in. CASTIEL But I didn't go to them...Because I knew they would have questions I couldn't answer...Because I was afraid.

or

CASTIEL Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie.

Or the fact that Cas asked God for a sign, to let him know he was doing the right thing... and despite it really being too little too late, God sent him the sign. Dean literally told him to stop. That was the sign. Cas plowed right over it anyway.

And it is clear REPEATEDLY throughout s6 that Dean KNOWS there’s really important stuff that Cas has not told him, but again... he still TRUSTS Cas to be honest with him. That trust doesn’t break until 6.20, and it breaks so horribly that he doesn’t even know who or what to trust in again. That’s essentially his entire s7 arc, after all. Cas’s betrayal practically destroys him.

But sure, he refused to accept Cas’s betrayal without actual evidence in 6.20 because he’s an idiot with bad instincts.

On to point the second: Dean creating a false memory of his escape from Purgatory because he couldn’t bear the thought that Cas wouldn’t want to leave with him.

When he first arrived back, one of the first things Dean tells Sam in 8.01 is this:

SAM: What about Cas? Was he there? DEAN walks a few steps away and speaks with his back to SAM. DEAN: Yeah, Cas didn't make it. SAM: What exactly does that mean? DEAN: Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy towards the end, and he... just let go. SAM: So Cas is dead? You saw him die? DEAN: I saw enough. SAM: So, then what, you're not sure? DEAN: [turning back to SAM] I said I saw enough, Sam. SAM: Right. Dean, I'm sorry.

This is the first and last time he admits out loud in words that Cas LET GO. That it wasn’t HIS fault that Cas didn’t make it out. He does honestly admit it here, when the wound is so painfully raw. And when Sam presses him for details, for clarification, he shuts that conversation down, but the wound’s been poked at now.

Yet life goes on, and Dean’s back in it but Cas isn’t. The reality of that takes a bit to settle in for him, the fact that Cas DID let go, and the only explanation he can think of for WHY he’d do that was because Dean himself wasn’t worth holding on to. And dear me, without being able to ASK Cas about it, all the while spiraling into a horrible guilt and depression, grieving the loss of the best friend he ever had yet again, Dean began to turn that memory into something that wouldn’t drive him straight to the bottom of a bottle. He knew the truth of it, just as well as he was suspicious of Cas from the MOMENT he arrived back from Purgatory, but for Dean Whiskey-And-Denial Winchester the only way to keep going is to shove all that down.

Nobody said that was a healthy response to horrifying loss, tragedy, and grief, but it was all Dean had back then.

So no, that’s not a valid point either.

On to point the third: “Didn’t notice Cas was possessed by Lucifer”

Except what basis did he have to believe that was even a remote possibility? As far as EVERYONE knew at first, Rowena’s spell sending Lucifer back to the cage had been a success. Sure, Cas didn’t return to the bunker like he told Dean he would at the end of 11.10, but Dean knows how this goes. In his mind, Cas has better things to do than hang out with him and Sam (because Dean’s self-deprecation is one of the longest running themes in the whole series), and at the beginning of 11.11, only a day or two post 11.10, we have this as proof:

SAM: And what about the Darkness? What about Cas? We haven't heard from them. DEAN: Okay, first of all, we've got zero on Amara. And Cas -- Cas will be fine. He always is.

What was he about to say there? In that stuttering blank? “Cas does what he wants, why would he suddenly think I’m more important than whatever he wants to do?”

But right from the start, he’s wary of Cas and his sudden appearance at the bunker. Go rewatch all of his exchanges with Cas(ifer) in 11.11. He has no reason to suspect that Cas had said yes to Lucifer and currently WAS NOT CAS, but he’s confused by Cas’s unusual behavior. I think we spent that entire week between episodes screaming about Dean’s discomfort and confusion and WRONG SHOULDER OMG, Everything about that scene is jarring and uncomfortable and awkward... But again, Dean doesn’t lob unfounded gut-instinct accusations at his loved ones. He gives them the benefit of the doubt until his suspicions are confirmed.

Not to mention the fact that Dean is only just then beginning to come to grips with the fact that Amara is exerting some sort of control over HIM, and he doesn’t really know how to deal with HIS OWN MANIPULATED FEELINGS.

(seriously, do ALL of these references actually mirror directly to possession and mind control? Hmmm, I’m sure that’s entirely coincidental...)

That doesn’t mean he’s NOT suspicious when his SOMETHING’S WRONG alarm bells are going off... from the end of 11.11:

SAM: Is Cas gone? DEAN: Yeah, I guess so. SAM: What was he doing here anyway? DEAN: He was looking for lore on the Darkness. Something a little off about him, too. SAM: Something always seems a little bit off about Cas. [Scoffs] Yeah, you know, being so close to Lucifer probably wasn't easy for him, either. DEAN: We'll just keep an eye on him.

The VERY NEXT TIME they interact with Cas(ifer) in 11.14 the entire truth comes out. And they are shocked and horrified by it.

The exact same way they’re ALL shocked and horrified to learn that Lucifer is still at liberty in 12.22, and Cas is equally shocked and horrified to learn that fact in 12.23. Dean had no reason to even believe it was a possibility in s11 until his uneasy feelings about Cas’s odd behavior were revealed to be Lucifer possessing Cas.

Doesn’t mean he didn’t see the odd behavior and react accordingly.

Okay. THIS is meta. The other is crack. That’s the difference.