#despite knowing it’s low risk and routine i am honestly super worried

[breakingjen]

.

[bratneykay]

This Christmas

Word Count: 7660 I am so sorry

Warnings: Swearing, Indication of sexual intercourse

Author’s Note: The actual timeline might be off here but this is meant to take place during about a three-week break in between shooting Spiderman: Homecoming. Also this is hardly about Christmas, whoops, sorry. 

“I know you do, but Tom—” You took the risk of looking at him. Shaking your head, you choke out a sob, “I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

Things between you and Tom have been hard recently, with his whole career flourishing. The whole Spiderman franchise really changed both of your lives. You were happy for him, but it always seemed like there was something missing, like something else was more important. He never answered your calls, hardly texted you back. He simply wasn’t there anymore.

“Don’t think, baby, don’t think.” He was confident with his statement, grabbing both of your hands in his and kissing them gently. “I’m here and I’m not leaving anytime soon.” He looked at you with so much love, so much adoration. You knew he meant it, but that didn’t stop your heart from grieving when he was away.

You sighed deeply, removing your hands out from his. “What about Zendaya?” You loved her, even before you truly got to know her. She was someone real, someone you’ve always looked up to. Tom, of course, clicked with her the moment they met. You remembered the way his face would light up as he would tell you stories over FaceTime, claiming she was, and I quote, “the funniest girl he has ever met.” It wasn’t like that put a dagger through your heart or anything.

(Not at all.)

“You know that’s nothing. You know she’s only a friend.” Yeah, quite a good friend. He has told you time and time again that this is something the media would do. Rumor him and his co-star together. You just never thought it would bother you so much.

“I love you, Tom. But I can’t do this anymore.” You took the last bit of courage you had left in you and closed your eyes. “I’m breaking up wi—”

The feeling of rough, wet kisses brings you out of your slumber. Your face twists into discomfort as you roll over onto your stomach. You tried to fall back asleep, rubbing your cheek on the soft sheets beneath you, but heavy breathing coming from beside you kept you from doing so. You turn your head to the side, opening your eyes to see the figure beside you.

A small gray canine was sitting on the bed next to you, her tail wagging swiftly behind her. The second your eyes meet hers, she bends down, attacking you with kisses yet again.

(Oh, Tessa.)

You push away from her, a soft smile coming to your face as you wipe away the slobbery wetness from your cheeks. (God I am so tired). As you slowly fluttered your eyes awake, adjusting to the bright lights coming in through the bedroom window, you took notice of your surroundings.

Tom’s childhood bedroom was nothing super fancy. It was small and cozy including many posters, friendly photos, and stickers that hung proudly on the walls. Not to mention the mass amount of Spider-Man gadgets around the room. The large bed in the center completed the room where you and Tom previously slept the night before.

Slowly petting Tessa beside you, you took notice of the red ribbon wrapped around her neck. (Well, this is new.) You took the material in between your fingers, rubbing it lightly.

“Shit. Fu—Tessa.” The raspy whispers brought your head up to the doorway, seeing your boyfriend quickly enter the room. “Fuck. Y/N, I’m so sorry...Tessa, come here.” His voice is still a hushed whisper as he shoos her off the bed and out of the room. He gives her a quick kiss on the head and taps her bum as she runs out of the room, the large ribbon around her neck flying wickedly. Tom quietly closes the door behind her, turning to you with a soft, sympathetic smile. “I am so sorry, darlin’.”

You couldn’t help your eyes as you scanned him over. He was wearing a black hoodie and your favorite pair of his pajama pants, plaid blue and black. He makes his way over to you, dropping his knee on the bed as he leans over to place a kiss on your head. “Good morning.”

You closed your eyes at the pressure of his lips on your hair, a low hum escaping you. “What time is it?” You asked, wiping away sleep you had left in your eyes.  

He pulled back the covers of the bed, shuffling underneath it to lay next to you. You saw him pull out his phone from his pajama pants, the screen coming alive with the time. “About 9:40,” he read before unlocking his phone, going through his notifications.

You tried not to peak at the mass amount of text messages he’s received from his friends, Zendaya being one of the first he opened. Upon seeing the name, your mind was brought back to your dream of the night, your heart heavy as you replayed it in your mind. Of course you wished you didn’t feel the way you did. Unfortunately, your subconscious knew your heart better than you did, frequently coming up with scenarios your heart was so anxiously aching to. You almost felt guilty, having him so close to you with such thoughts running through your brain. “Is everyone else up?”

Your stomach turned as he simply smiled at his phone, his fingers quickly replying back to the message. (He doesn’t even hear me anymore.) Upon finishing his message, he finally replies. “Yeah,” he drops his phone on the bed and wraps his arm around you. “We’ve all been awake for hours.” He lays his chin atop your head, closing his eyes with a soft sigh.

These are the moments you missed most when he was gone. Tom used to be so good at making you feel loved, making you feel safe. Now? You don’t really know. “Why didn’t you wake me?” You ask, your fingers rubbing the material of his sweatshirt between your fingers.

“I know you didn’t sleep well last night. I felt you tossing a good toll of the night.” You could feel the vibrations off his chest as he spoke, “Honestly, I’m not surprised. I’ve always found it hard to sleep the night before Christmas.”

(Good job, Y/N.)

“Paddy really wanted me to wake you up. He’s dying to open presents.” He chuckles, slightly pulling away to look down at your face. “We had to tell him to wait.”

You put a hand to your face, silently cursing yourself for almost forgetting it was such an important day. Even more, you were so inconsiderate that you had everyone wait up for you. “Guess I was just too excited myself.” You force out a faint chuckle. That was a lie and you knew it. You spent over half the night having a debate with yourself regarding your relationship with the boy lying next to you.

“Don’t worry about it, babe.” He presses yet another kiss on top of your head. His phone vibrates on the bed, a call coming through. “Oh, it’s Z!” He removes himself from beside you, getting up off the bed. He doesn’t even give you a second look as he takes the call and walks out of the room. You hear his voice trail off as he walks down the hall, his voice definitely more alive than just a second ago.

(Okay I guess?)

You finally get yourself out of bed, walking down the hall to the guest bathroom. You were slightly jealous of Zendaya, you weren’t afraid to admit it to yourself anymore. Her and Tom just seemed to get along so well, talking about parts of their job that you just couldn’t relate to.

As you walk into the bathroom, you prepare yourself for your own reflection. You probably looked hideous; your hair sticking up in weird places, your eyes droopy.

You flipped on the light and glanced at the figure reflecting back at you. You were pleasantly surprised to see that your hair framed your face perfectly, your lips were a soft pink, and a gentle glow radiated off your skin. You actually looked pretty good, despite how you felt inside. (Maybe my body is compensating for the fact that I’m thinking about breaking the heart of a wonderful boy while also shattering my own.)

You took a few human minutes in your morning routine, deciding to stay in your leggings and tank top. As you cross the hall making your way back to the room, you can’t help but listen to Tom’s laugh from the edge of the stairs. “Definitely. I wish you were here as well,” he speaks into the phone. You don’t stay a second longer, not wanting to hear another word and shut the bedroom door behind you.

You go over to Tom’s suitcase, pulling out a light gray sweatshirt, throwing it over your head. Wearing his clothes just made you feel closer to him, even if he wasn’t actually there. That’s really what you needed right now.

Everything changed the second he went out on his first outing with his co-stars. He told you it was to get to know them better before they started filming. And while you were excited for him and this new journey he was taking, you were just praying he wouldn’t get lost in the fame of it all. It didn’t even cross your mind that he would neglect you from him. Guess you didn’t think this new journey would take away from you so much.

You roll your eyes at your own thoughts. (God, could I be any more selfish? I should just be grateful that I’m with him now.) Deciding you would need your mood lifted before you walked out of the room, you give your mom a call.

After hearing a few of the dial ringings, she answers. “Well Merry Christmas, my darling.”

“Hi, Mom.” A smile finds its way to your face at her voice. “Merry Christmas to you, too.” You couldn’t deny that your voice didn’t reflect the feelings you wished you had—it sounds more forced than anything else. “How are you?”

“I’m doing good, sweety. How are you, are you feeling better?”

You let out a deep sigh, running your fingers through your hair. “Not really.” You gave your mom a late night call last night, trying to get advice on how to organize your thoughts and feelings. “I just keep feeling like....” There was a tight, hot pull at your chest, resulting in your eyes prickling with tears. “I just really miss you.”

Around this time of year, you were always with your family, performing in traditions that you’ve known since you were little. Of course, Tom was the same way, excited in the idea that you’d be joining his family for Christmas this year. At the time, it was what you wanted too.

There was silence on the line before you hear your mother’s soft voice. “Honey, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to have a wonderful Christmas with Tom and his family, New Year’s as well.” You felt as your head nodded along to her words, “Next thing you know you’ll be back home.”

You relished in the hope that her words would come true. You weren’t sure just how long you could feel this way without acting on something you’d regret. You dismissed your thoughts, shaking your head. You knew you would never be able to do such a thing, your heart was too invested in Tom. No matter what he did, you’d love him unconditionally. Wrapping up the call, you took one last glance in Tom’s closet mirror before stepping out of the room. The hallway was now empty, Tom nowhere to be found. Walking downstairs you hear the chatter of Tom’s family and frequent clattering of kitchen dishes.

“Why can’t we just wake her up?”

“Paddy, stop it. She’ll wake up soon enough.”

“It’s already 10 o’clock!”

You didn’t waste time in finally entering the kitchen, a guilty smile plastered on your face. Paddy shoots up the second he sees you. “Y/N!” He runs over to you, wrapping his small arms around you. “I’m so glad you’re awake. TOM, SHE’S AWAKE!”

You chuckle down at the little boy, ruffling his hair. “You can thank Tessa for that.” You smile as you see Tessa stroll into the kitchen not a second later, the ribbon around her neck now falling at weird angles.

“Oh, thank you, Tessa.” Paddy let’s go of you to run after the dog, chasing her into the living room. Your gaze follows him as he jumps onto the couch, Tessa by his side.

“Oh don’t mind him.” You turn your head to see Nikki, her hands brushing against her pants. “He’s always been impatient when it comes to presents.” She walks over and gives you a hug. “Merry Christmas, dear.”

“Merry Christmas.” You reply gently, the ends of your lips tugging upward at her generosity. “I’m sorry for sleeping in so late. I really didn’t know everyone was waiting for me.”

She waves her hands away, huffing out a breath, “Don’t you worry about it. I’m just glad you’re here.” Nicola was really something else. You were super nervous the first time Tom introduced you to his parents, your insecurities getting the best of you: ‘what if they don’t like me, maybe they’ll think I’m not good enough for him, should I even be doing this?’ But Tom assured you many times that his parents were not ones to judge and that you’d get along well with his mom. And he wasn’t wrong. Nikki made you feel so comfortable the moment you met her. “Tom said you didn’t sleep well. I hope you’re feeling better. Mind grabbing the boys for presents?” She gives you a warm smile before walking into the next room, retrieving her husband.

You are suddenly left alone in the kitchen, the sound of brotherly banter heard from outside. You slowly make your way through the kitchen to the sliding glass door leading to the backyard.

(Oh my goodness. These boys.) As you lean against the door, glancing outside, you see none other than Tom chatting with the twins. Outside. In the winter.

“I can do it!”

“Not as well as I can.”

They had the large blue mat laid out in the backyard, bickering on who could do the most flips. You quietly open the glass slider, stepping outside. The fresh winter air bites your nose, your arms instinctively crossing over themselves to keep the bit of warmth left in you.  (Thank goodness I grabbed his jumper.)

Harry shoved Sam onto the mat, laughing at his brother’s own ignorance; no one can beat Tom. “Let’s go, Sam. You got this, I think?”

Sam really did his best to do at least a double flip, but he ended up falling straight onto his face. Tom and Harry were the first to burst into laughs while you had to cover your mouth with your sleeve-covered hand to mask your giggles.

“That’s the best you can do, dickhead?” Tom teased out.

“You do it then,” Harry called out to him, giving him a rough push towards the mat. “Mr. bloody Spiderman.” Sam jumped down off the mat, ruffling his own hair.

(Ooh. He really shouldn’t have said that.)

Right on cue, Tom gave him the brightest grin, winking once at his brother. “You really shouldn’t have said that.” He laughs, setting himself in front of the mat.

You smile to yourself at how well you know your boyfriend. Biting your lip you wait and watch Tom, expecting him to wow his brothers, per usual.

Tom stands tall as he preps himself in front of the mat, clearly concentrating on accomplishing this unspoken bet between his younger brothers. He took a deep breath, taking a running start before doing a cartwheel into a full twisted layout.

He smirks as he spots his landing, raising his eyebrows at his brother. “Spiderman just owned your ass.” He chuckles as Sam rolls his eyes, Harry just laughing wildly beside him. Tom finally sees you standing in the doorway as he steps off the mat and wraps both his arm around the pouting Sam. “Hey, darlin’.” He grins at you, his eyes shining as he takes notice in your sweater of choice.

You smile, taking a deep breath of the morning air. “Hi,” you breathe out; you couldn’t deny how good he looked with his hair all tousled after his flips. Your teeth scale over your bottom lip before you speak quietly, “Your mum wants you all inside. I think we’re starting presents.” The twins automatically race into the house, giving each other playful pushes as they pass you. You hear one of them mutter, “I told you, you bloody idiot.” Their words bring a grin to your face and you lift your head up to see your boyfriend, smiling down at you. “Hi.” You breathe out again.

He laughs, his smile widening even further, “Hi.” He stares down at you for a couple seconds before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss on your lips. He pulls away, licking his lips, “I forgot to tell you Merry Christmas earlier.”

“Merry Christmas to you too Tom.” You whisper back, taking a bit longer to compose yourself after the simple kiss. You place your hands on his chest, gripping lightly at the large black hoodie, “We should probably go inside now.”

He nods, placing a kiss on the top of your head. He wraps an arm around your shoulder, leading you both inside. “You look good in my jumper.” He mumbles out, choosing not to comment on the blush that rose to your cheeks. You let him close the glass slider behind you before the pair of you enter the den.

Tom’s family really went all out on the Christmas decorations. From the kitchen to the den, holiday-themed decorations were arranged everywhere, the tree, of course, being the most magical.

Seeing as there are no more seats on the couch, you and Tom settle on the floor next to Paddy and Tessa, Tom placing himself next to Tessa. “Alright Paddy, go!” Tom shouts, allowing the young boy to finally open his first present.

Not a second later, Paddy is ripping off the beautiful Christmas paper. His cheeks are painted red as he eagerly glances down at what his parents got him. Suddenly, he’s grabbing hold of his new present, jumping up and down with excitement.

Everyone took turns opening presents, including yourself. Turns out your parents arranged to have your presents from your family shipped to Tom’s parent’s house, allowing you open them on this Christmas morning. “Oh wow, this is beautiful.” You gush as you pull out a beautiful navy dress, gifted by your grandmother. “For when Tom takes you to one of his many events on the red carpet,” You read the note inside the box, “Or when Tom simply wants to..” You stop and put the card down, biting your lip. “What a great present. Thank you, Grandma.”

Tom grabs the card from you, his eyes scanning over the card to finish the unspoken part of the note. He laughs and looks back to you with a wicked smile. He winks at you once while you roll your eyes. “Alright, Tom. Your turn.” You reach over for your neatly wrapped present for him, “Merry Christmas.”

He places the card down by his side, definitely wanting to keep it to joke with later on and gently grabs the present from you. As he unwraps it slowly, you can’t help but pray that he’ll like what you got him.

Shopping for Tom was always difficult. You were no celebrity, no one really successful; you were just a normal girl living the everyday life, so you didn’t exactly have the kind of money to get him something super spectacular. If you were being honest, anything you could get him, he could definitely afford to get himself. Not to mention, you just weren’t great with gift giving either. This was the reason behind your ground rule of ‘No over the top, expensive presents.’ Tom, of course, hated this rule, always wanting to spoil you with surprises. But this rule kept things balanced between you two, never having to feel like either of you (mostly you) were pressured to reciprocate.

“Ah, a new pair of sneakers,” he pulls the rest of the wrapping paper off, opening the box and looking inside. “Oh, babe, these are great!” He gushed over the shoes, picking them up to show the rest of the family. It wasn’t like you got him some cheap brand of athletic shoes, but they definitely weren’t anything for him to fawn over.

“I know you’ve been wanting new ones since yours are getting a bit scuffed up, so yeah. Plus I’ve heard they are really comfy.” You shrug your shoulders, knowing it wasn’t anything too amazing. “I hope you like them.” He looks at you with a smile, leaning over and pressing a kiss to your cheeks. And that’s all you needed to understand how he felt. (It’s the thought that counts.)

“Okay!” Nikki shouted from the couch, almost making you jump from the spot on the floor. She quickly stands up and walks to the Christmas tree, pulling out a hidden card that was somewhere on the tree. (Where in the world..?). “Y/N, Tom; this is for you.” She hands you the white envelope with the pair of your names on it.

Seeing both your name and Tom’s written together, side by side to represent a pair melted your heart a little. You loved this boy more than life itself and whether or not you would admit it to yourself, this was the one you wanted. You wanted Tom to be it for you, the one you’d settle down for, the one who would raise your children, the one who wouldn’t only be a chapter in your book, but part of the title. It’s what you wanted, but you weren’t sure if wanting it was enough to make it happen anymore.

You take the envelope from her, holding it off to Tom to open. “You go ahead and open it,” he replied, pushing the wrapped card back to you.

“But it’s from your mum, I think you should open it,” you whisper back to him. In your mind, it made sense to have Tom open a gift from his mother, even if it was for both of you.

He shakes his head at you, biting back a grin, “I already know what it is, darlin’.” With confusion laced on your face, you take hold of the card in your hands. You slowly peel apart the wrapped letter. Pulling out the card, you read the note inside, “Y/N, we remember the first time Tom finally spoke up about you. We all knew something in his heart had changed, something in his life sparked a new feature of Tom we didn’t even know existed. Tom, we can see in your eyes that Y/N is the love of your life and we wish that this deep affection between you two is everlasting. We hope you enjoy each other’s company on this journey, Merry Christmas.” You heart warmed at Nikki’s words, “Love, Mom, Dad, Harry, Sam, Paddy & Tessa.”

You look up to see all of them staring at you expectantly while you gently bite your lip. (They are honestly scaring me right now.) You fold apart the paper that was placed inside the card. Before you can even gasp, your hand coming to rest against your mouth, Nikki is speaking quickly, “It’s a trip! For you and Tom, to go to—”

“Paris, Rome, Sydney, Beijing…” You finish, speaking out incredulously. “Is this re—. Are you serious?” She simply nods her head with a radiant smile. You truly didn’t know what to say at this moment. A whole trip. For you and Tom. You looked at Tom abruptly, giving him almost a knowing glare. He throws his hands up with an innocent laugh, pointing to his parents. This was his ‘I had nothing to do with this. This was all them’ response. “Guys.” You look between all of them, swallowing the large lump you had in your throat, “This is just really...Thank you.” Tears of graciousness start to well in your eyes while you feel like your heart was beating out of your chest; you couldn’t even begin to imagine how much this costs, you were already bringing in the guilt of receiving such an expensive present.

You give each and every one of Tom’s family members a warm hug, trying to keep yourself from sputtering out how truly generous this gift was to you. Coming full circle to Tom, you grin so big you know it’s going to hurt you later on. But right now, you didn’t have any care in the world. You jump in his lap, your legs wrapping around his middle to hold him tight. A whole two weeks on a romantic trip around the world, with your boyfriend. Alone. The thought made more tears surge to your eyes as you tuck your head into his neck.

He simply laughs at your overwhelmingly positive response, rubbing your back for comfort. After a few moments of you just sitting in his lap, the smile never leaving his face, you calmed yourself down and he spoke to you “Darlin’, we’re not done yet.” He mutters, pulling you away from him. He presses his hands to your face, moving away the hair that stuck to your cheeks. “You have one more.” He whispers just enough for you to hear.

You nod your head, wiping the tears from your face and hopping off his lap. (Well, I probably look hideous right now.) As you continue to calm yourself, Tom hunts for your present under the tree and comes back, handing you a small white box with an aqua blue bow on it. Biting your lip, you look at him skeptically. You’re almost worried that he decided to go well and beyond with a present this year as well.

It’s almost like he reads your mind, responding quickly, “Don’t worry. Not nearly as expensive.” He brings his knees towards his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He nods to you to continue with your gift, his own cheeks turning a bit pink.

There was no wrapping paper, allowing you to simply pull the top of the box off to reveal the beautiful gold bracelet beneath it. You carefully pull it out, admiring the shining beauty. “Oh, Tom.” Yet again, you were taken away. You believed him when he said it wasn’t expensive, but I mean, I got him fucking shoes. “A charm bracelet?” You look back down to the bangle, turning over the heart charm that was attached. It read:

Y/N, I’ll love you forever and always darling. -Tom

“Yeah,” he mutters, biting his lip as he watches you take it all in. “Thought you could find some really cool charms on our trip.” He looks down nervously at his hands, rubbing them together.

“Tom,” you repeat again, shaking your head in disbelief. He looked up at you, biting his lip to suppress a nervous smile. For about the tenth time this morning, you were lost for words. Which led you to the decision of not using words to express how you felt, but by leaning over him and giving him a sweet kiss on the lips. You both wanted the kiss to last a bit longer, but PDA was never something either of you liked, especially in front of his family. “I love it. And I love you,” you whisper, now being the one to rub his hair back from his eyes. “..so much.”

“And you guys,” you continue, looking back at the rest of his family, hoping one day you can call them yours. “I love all of you and I really can’t thank you enough.” They were all smiling back at you. You relished in this feeling, Tom by your side, his family supporting the both of you. (I couldn’t have asked for anything better.)

It seemed as if everyone was starting to wrap up the morning, Tom deciding to finally give Tessa her present. After collecting all the trash and helping clean up the living room, you make your way into the kitchen. A smile wouldn’t leave your face. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t shake the idea that you’d finally get to spend quality time with your boyfriend after him being gone and distant for so long. Taking one last glance at your boyfriend, him turning to you with a smile, you get yourself some well-deserved coffee.

The rest of the day was pretty relaxed, you and Tom chilling out on the couch watching the Christmas movies that were being played on TV. Lucky for Tom, one of his favorite movies ‘Just Friends’ was playing. “What do you think would happen if one of us friend zoned the other?” He asks out of nowhere, his teeth chewing on his lip. “Like, what do you think would have happened if you and I didn’t...kiss that one night?” He’s looking down at you now, actually expecting an answer.

You definitely remember your and Tom’s first kiss, but you couldn’t remember what your life was like before Tom. You just couldn’t picture your life now without him. “I truly don’t know. We’d just be friends, maybe?” You laugh with a shake of your head, “My mind doesn’t want to think of a future without you in it if I’m being quite honest.” You couldn’t tell if that was the answer he was hoping for, but he simply shook his head, a smile playing on his lips.

Later in the evening, the Holland threw a bit of an ‘After Christmas Party,’ including many of Tom’s family and close friends, all you’ve met before. They all greeted both you and Tom at their arrival, each adding a small remark about how lovely you pair were together. Each thoughtful compliment brought a grin to both of you and made your heart yearn more and more for the boy next to you.

“Paddy, get your arse back in the house!” Dominic shouts from the kitchen. You all turn your head to Tom’s dad who seemed to be cursing the young one for being outside at this time.

“I’m gonna grab something to drink, you want anything?” You announced to Tom before getting up and walking to the kitchen. You go to the fridge, pulling out two beers for your boyfriend and Harrison. “To be fair, Tom was playing outside with the boys earlier.”

Dominic turns to you with a nod, “I’ll keep that in mind.” He chuckles, before closing the slider and locking it. “So, Y/N.” He looks to you, clasping his hands together. “How are you?” He leans his body on the counter across from you.

“I’m doing pretty well,” you nod, taking a sip of your own drink. “I’m so thankful to be here for the holidays. I really miss you all and Tom.”

“So Tom is treating you well then?” He raises his eyebrows. This wasn’t an unusual conversation. Dominic frequently made sure Tom was treating you with respect and each time, it made your heart swell.

You look over to Tom, sitting and laughing with his friends on the couch, his laughter filling you with joy. “Always.” You turn back to Dominic, “He’s without a doubt, the most kind and honest man I have ever met.” Just thinking back to all the times Tom really proved to you that he was true, and not the ‘superstar punk’ everyone thought him out to be, made you smile. “I love him more than anything in this world. I just really miss him when he’s away.”

“Yeah, I bet. We all do.” He sighs, rubbing his hands through his hair. You bit back a smile, recognizing the same movements in Tom. “But we’re all so proud of him and it makes him coming back home more special.” His words definitely struck you there. Tom would come back to see you whenever he could, even if it was just for the weekend. He would come back and the two of you would be inseparable, basking in the time you had.

You thought about your dream and thoughts of this morning, it never truly leaving your conscious, and chuckled to yourself. “Thanks, Dominic.” You smile, walking back to living room. He gave you a nod in response; whether or not he knew what was going through your mind, he tamed all of your insecurities on your relationship.

“Don’t you dare!” You warn Tom, his eyebrows raised towards you. With his eyes twinkling, he slowly brings the shot glass to his lips and takes it back with a sigh. “You dick!” You laugh, lightly punching him in the arm. Of course, that made no dent to him, he hardly even shifted.

“I’m sorry, darlin’, but trust me, you really don’t wanna know.” His grins as he looks back to Harrison, who’s about to fall off his chair from laughing so hard. After the majority of the party guests left, you, Tom, and the remaining of your friends all decided to play your own drinking game.

“You know, you’ll have to tell me about it eventually.” You say matter-of-factly, leaning your body towards him.

He sees this as a challenge and leans back, his chest pressing against yours. “Oh, I will, will I?” He teases back, his nose coming to rub against yours.

You hum in defeat, leaning back in your chair. (I’ll get what I want eventually.) He just laughs, resting back in the dining room chair, his arm resting on the back of yours. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he answers the incoming FaceTime call. “Hey, Zendaya! I’m here with Y/N and Harrison, say Hi.”

You turn your head to see Zendaya, as beautiful as ever, displayed on Tom’s phone, waving back at you guys. “Hey, Z! How are you?” You smile politely, gently waving back at her as you rested your head on Tom’s shoulder.

“Oh Y/N! I want to talk to you!” She shouts excitedly from her end of the phone call. You gently take the phone from Tom, getting up to leave the table.

“Oh, so you just called for Y/N. I see how it is Z!” Tom playfully scowls. You roll your eyes at your boyfriend, a smile playing on your lips.

Leaving the dining room, you make your way up the stairs towards the room. “Hey, so what’s up? How was your Christmas?”

“It was awesome. Played with the little guys,” she moved the screen to show the mess of toys around her family’s living room. “It was a bit of show, but they’re taking naps now.” She laughs, moving the hair from out of her face. “But how are you? Did you like Tom’s present?”

You close the door of the bedroom, now sitting on the bed, “Yeah! It’s so pretty!” You move the screen down to show her the bracelet that was resting perfectly on your wrist. You played with the charm containing the inscription, smiling to yourself.

“Not that one, the vacation!” She smiles, “though that is really nice.”

“Oh. You mean Tom’s parents?” You ask a bit confused.

“Is that what he told you?” She raises her brow a bit. There’s some shuffling from the other side of the call, sounding as if she’s moving around. “No matter what he says, that was all Tom.” She shakes her head, the sound of a door closing heard through the speaker. “That boy went through so much to work that out.”

Your mouth drops a bit, more confusion laced on your face than ever. Before you say a word, she speaks quickly. “He’s been working that out for weeks. He kept complaining to the directors about how he wanted to bring you on set, just to visit him for at least a couple days every few weeks.” She lays down on her bed, holding the phone above her, “but they wouldn’t let him. You know him, the poor guy lets everything slip.”

“Wait, hold on.” You hold your hand up, shaking your head. “Tom planned a trip. A trip around the whole freakin’ world. Because he wanted to see me?” You were just trying to understand the gist without asking the source himself.

“Pretty much,” she nods along. “He had to schedule time off with the directors and everything. He really misses you.” She finishes, silence now filling the air.

You don’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Wow, I really don’t know what to say. I hate that he went through so much trouble for me.” You bite your lip, suppressing a smile that is trying to emerge.

“Oh god, Y/N. That boy would do anything for you. Anything.” You knew she meant it and you believed her; Tom has told you that himself. “Oh. Shoo—Y/N, I have to go. The beasts have awoken.” She laughs, more shuffling heard as she moves off her bed. “Talk to you later, babe. B—.” The call ends before you have a chance to speak through.

You were just so speechless. (When aren’t I, to be honest?) You lay the phone on the bed beside you, bringing your hands back to your lap. You couldn’t believe that Tom would go through as much trouble as he did just to get time off to see you, not to mention plan it without telling you. All the dropped FaceTime calls, delayed text messages, missed calls; he wasn’t pushing away from you, just truly busy. While you were missing him, he was missing you. And here you thought it was only one-way.

Suddenly, you were crying. You couldn’t explain why, but the tears didn’t stop. You just couldn’t stop thinking about how much you loved him and how, through everything, this man was your everything. You couldn’t picture happiness without him included. “Fuck—” You whispered to yourself with a small laugh, sniffling at your overwhelmed emotions.

Two knocks at the door brought you out of your daze, Tom’s head peeking through. “Babe?” The second he sees your tear-stained face, he’s rushing over to kneel before you. “Y/N, shit.” He moved the hair out of your face, “What happened?” His concerned eyes made a couple more tears fall down your cheeks while you let out a shaky breath.

“These are..happy tears, Tom.” You choke out with a quiet chuckle, looking into his soft brown eyes. He lets out a relieved sigh, still looking back at you questionably. “I’m just...so...overjoyed. I mean, I feel like I don’t deserve this.” He takes your hand in his, letting you talk out your emotions. “But I am so in love with you. And your family. Seeing your brothers,” you sniff, smiling as you shake your head, “those boys make my day more than you know.” You’re full on laughing now, thinking back to this morning. “And your parents...And you.” Looking back at Tom’s face, all your worries were gone, any and everything you ever wanted to be was written in the color of his eyes, the flow of his hair, the curve of his lips. (He is everything.)

“I..I want to marry you, Tom.” You whisper quietly, almost afraid you didn’t say it at all. “I don’t want to lose you, or your family, or Tessa. Ever.” Your heart was beating fast in your chest, finally aware that you were getting things off your chest. “I want to know that every time you go away..to film, on a press tour...that you’ll be coming right back. To me.”

As he stares at you, almost speechless, you realize the severity of the words you said. You both would constantly say I hope this relationship would last forever and I want you in my life forever, but there was never a clear ‘I want a marriage with you’ conversation. “I just wanted you to know,” you whisper. You didn’t regret what you said, everything ringing very true in your heart.

“Y/N,” he whispers, causing your eyes to lift to meet his. “I...I love you more than anything in this world. You know that.” He nervously chuckles to himself, licking his lips. “But I don’t...I want...I wish for you to want to marry me because you actually want to be with me forever. Not because you’re scared you’re gonna lose me.” He’s looking at you seriously, “Darlin’, I’m not going anywhere.”  

You vaguely remember him saying that in your dream and smile to yourself, shaking your head. “Tom, whether you know this or not, I have our kid’s names picked out.” That brought a real laugh out of him, causing you to grin. “I want to buy a house with you and carve our names into it. I want to wake up to your messy hair, “ you gently ruffle his hair, “and drool running down your chin. I want—”

“To argue with you all the time, constantly having to remind myself that you’re always right.” He continues for you. “I want your annoying arse to keep me in check when I think I’m the shit. And I want to build a life with you.” He leans forward and kisses you passionately, his hand coming to rub your cheek. Your lips melt around his, his pace slow and loving. He pulls away to whisper against your lips, “Y/N, I want a marriage with you.”

You pull his face to yours, your lips reattaching and lean back on the bed. Tom follows, hovering above you. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you tug him down so his body rests on top of yours. Somehow your body just fit together in a way you wouldn’t have even thought to notice. The moment you felt the warmth of his body on top of yours, you moaned quietly, tugging gently at the ends of his hair. Pulling away, he smirks down at you, “So, do you wanna…?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you suggestively.

You giggle, shaking your head. “What about your parents and everyone downstairs?”

“They won’t hear us from up here, trust me.” He presses a few kisses on your collarbone, leading up to your neck. “Besides, most of them left when you came up here.” Biting your lip, you nod with a sigh at the feeling of his lips against your skin. “Should I go and get your grandmother’s dress then?”

You both laugh out loud, nudging him in the chest at his joke. (This boy. My boy.) You grab him by the shirt, pulling him towards you. You close your eyes as he kisses you, falling in the bliss of his touch.

In the dead of the night, Tom wakes up from the overwhelming amount of heat radiating from his body. “Fuck.” He whispers, pushing off the large comforter that rested on top of him. He feels a small tug on his abdomen, the sound of a soft whine protesting from beside him. Looking over, he sees Y/N, sound asleep with her face dug into the pillow. With her arm wrapped around his center, her bare chest hardly covered by the blanket, and her hair a disheveled nest, to him, she looked absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful. He carefully, removed her arm from around him, whispering out an apology when she whined and rolled over. He smiled to himself, taking one last glance at her before lifting himself from the bed. He grabs his black shirt off the floor and quietly leaves the room. He makes his way downstairs, grabbing a glass from the kitchen and getting himself some water.

“Can’t sleep?” A voice behind him calls, startling Tom in his spot.

“Dickhead!” He yells in a whisper, turning around to see his dad sitting at the dining room table, tea in his hand. “Dad, seriously?”

“What’s wrong, Superstar?” He laughs, his voice low.

Tom rolls his eyes, deciding to make himself some tea as well. “Why are you awake at this time?” Tom asks, adding some sugar to his cup.

“Couldn’t sleep. And yourself?” He takes a sip of his tea as Tom joins him at the table.

“Y/N. I’m so glad she’s finally getting some sleep, but man does she like a lot of blankets.” He laughs, taking a quick sip of his drink. “Thanks again for the trip and everything. She’s so excited about it.”

“I’m glad she liked your gift, Tom.” He chuckles, looking at his son. With a few moments of silence, he speaks up again, “Are you nervous?”

Tom looks up at his father, swallowing down the contents in his mouth and shakes his head. “I definitely was,” he bites his lip. He thinks back to the conversation the pair of you had some hours ago and grins wide. “Not anymore.”

His smile mimics his son’s, glad he has finally found someone that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. “Do you think she suspects anything?”

“She might.” He hums, silently laughing to himself. “But I don’t really care at this point. I just can’t wait to start my life with her.”

“I’m so happy for you, Tom. Y/N is really something.” Dominic puts a hand on his shoulder in support.

“Yeah,” he whispers, looking down at his hands, the thought of your sleeping form in his mind. “She really is.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST ON YOUR DASH. THE BREAK WON’T WORK ON MOBILE.