#dick solomon one shot

[multifandomfix]

Build-A-Bed — Dick Solomon

Summary: A trip to IKEA with Dick was maybe not your best idea, but perhaps you both can manage to come out of it unscathed.

Word Count: 1,378

Warnings: None, just fluff and humor in this one and a little tender/romantic moment at the end

"Listen, if I’m moving in here, I want a new bed," you told him, and that was that. 

You half expected a fight or some weird attachment he had to the old mattress and bed frame where he stubbornly refused to let it go for some reason, but Dick simply shrugged and said, "Alright." 

You spent the rest of the day at his place, mostly ignoring the comings and goings of his family members and comfortably watching tv with his arm around you. When a commercial for the IKEA furniture store outlet came on, that’s when you could smell trouble brewing. "Ooh, can we go there for our new bed," Dick asked with all the enthusiasm of a child at a toy store. 

Dick didn’t seem to have the trepidation about that place that you did, but the way he was looking at you made it hard to say no. Everyone has to experience the place once, don’t they? "Yeah. I guess it’s as good a place as any," you’d agreed. That was how the two of you ended up at IKEA. 

After a considerable hike through the parking lot to the entrance, you were already wishing you could head back home and forget the whole thing. With one look over at Dick, you sighed and remembered why you were there at all. You could practically feel the excitement radiating off of him. 

His eyes sparkled with wonder from the first moment the two of you stepped inside. "This place is huge," he exclaimed, his eyes traveling up to the ceiling and then back down and ahead to the furthest wall. That was an understatement, you thought, but hey, who were you to spoil this for him? 

Not eager to tour the entirety of the store, you were at least able to steer him in the direction of the bedroom furniture. That was, after all, why you’d come. You passed several ornately decorated displays of full rooms on your way and you had to slow your pace because Dick was utterly fascinated. "Why don’t we just move in here? There’s a whole house in here, but it seems to be deconstructed." 

"They’re just displays. No one lives here," you informed, adding a "probably" under your breath. "They’re just showing you how your house could look." 

"Well I like it. Look at all the fun colors and soft pillows. Why can’t we have nice things?" 

You sighed. "We do. It’s just not these nice things," you gently reminded. 

"Hmm, I suppose you’re right, but it’s all so pretty and new." 

You fought the smile that tugged at your lips at his look of pouty disappointment. Then you reached for his hand and he was smiling again, ready for you to resume leading the way to the correct department. When you finally reached the section for beds, Dick fell in love with one instantly. He jumped right into the room display, pulling you right along with him. "I want this one," he declared with hardly a glance at any other option. "Just feel the headboard. It’s velvety." You didn’t even have to feel the deep green fabric to know it was true, but you did anyway. 

"Are you sure this is the one you want," you asked after a couple of moments. 

Dick nodded his head enthusiastically. "As long as you like it too. We will be sharing it after all." Despite his words, you could see that he’d be heartbroken if you said you didn’t like it. Lucky for him, you did, and frankly you didn’t want to be stuck there longer than you had to so it worked out for the both of you. 

As you got yourself off of the bed and started back down the long aisle to the checkout, where you planned on telling the cashier you wanted everything in the display, which included the bed frame, headboard, mattress and pillows, you realized Dick wasn’t following behind you. "Why are all of these named so funny? Are they even in english? Is this language even from this planet?" 

"Dick, this isn’t alien furniture. It's, uh, Swedish, I think." 

"Aliens? Who said anything about aliens? It’s a funny language, that’s all." You didn’t dare question him when he got this weird. It was best to just put on a smile and let it pass you by. 

He put his hand back in yours and you walked together to the front of the store. "We’d like to get the display that has the green velvet headboard," you said politely. 

"Ah, the Tufjord," the cashier said, and you were thankful he knew what it was called. "I will have someone bring the appropriate things to your car. Will that be cash or credit?" You handed the young man your credit card, and allowed him to scan the appropriate items from a catalog and you paid in full. It’ll be forever until you pay this card off, but you were the one that wanted the new bed. 

You had Dick pull the Rambler up around to the loading dock and the boxes were packed as well as they could be into the car with a promise that the mattress would be delivered later that day, since the Rambler was too small to hold it. 

While Dick did most of the heavy lifting in getting all of the boxes upstairs, you grabbed the pillows and the new bedding, which was light, but bulky. When the two of you finally made it upstairs with it all, the real work began. You pulled the instructions for how to assemble the bed frame and attach the headboard out of the box and began to look them over. As you did, Dick just started trying to put things together, getting immensely frustrated when he wasn’t getting results on his very first try. 

You soon took over, delegating him the job of handing you parts as you needed them, and when there was significantly less to do, you even let him help. You were surprised it went as well as it did after those first couple of bumps in the road. Harry and Sally had even brought up the mattress when it arrived at just about the time you were finishing up with getting the headboard attached. 

How the two of them managed getting the damn thing up that staircase truly baffled you. All you knew was that it had taken a lot of yelling on Sally's end before it finally reached your bedroom. Regardless, seeing as you were utterly spent after assembling the bed, you were grateful you didn’t have to wrangle it upstairs. 

The bedroom was finally starting to look like it was meant for the both of you. It had elements of each of you, and you smiled at your collective handiwork before collapsing onto your brand new mattress. Dick was quick to join you and after a moment of allowing your muscles to relax, you shifted your weight, so you were leaning back against the velvet headboard, which you had to admit was a phenomenal choice. 

"Did you have fun today," you asked him. He scooted closer to you, draping an arm over your shoulders. 

"Yes, I did. I want to redo the whole house." 

You managed a tired smile as you patted his chest. "Not today. In fact, not for a while, please. Let’s just enjoy our bedroom for the time being." 

Dick seemed to ponder it a moment, before agreeing. "Okay. I think I can live with that. I like our bedroom." 

As you rested your head on Dick's chest, your smile only grew. You liked the sound of the words 'our bedroom' as they left his mouth. "I do too. I love you, Dick." You think perhaps that’s the first time you’d said that aloud, at least so plainly. You'd said it in many other ways before, but never like you did just now. And you meant it, wholeheartedly, for maybe the first proper time in your life. You heard a blubber come from him as he tried to hold back his tears of joy. What a beautiful way to end the day, there, in your shared room, your new bed, and being comfortably held in Dick's arms. 

For anon

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @icetown587, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @lilbisexual, @thedailyspiritualist

Dick Solomon: @scorsesedepalmafan

[incarnadin3]

Obey me quotes from an incorrect quote generator pt.1

MC: We all have our demons. MC, grabbing Belphegor: This one’s mine.

Belphegor: You look good in that hoodie. MC: You know where else I'd look good? Belphegor, zero hesitation: My bed. MC, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Asmodeous: Hey, wanna take a shower with me? MC: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Asmodeous: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this… MC: pulls out card from deck Now, was this your card? Asmodeous: Holy moly-

Lucifer: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you? MC: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Lucifer: Know why I called you in here? Asmodeous: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic. Lucifer: Stops pouring two glasses of wine. Accidentally?

Satan: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Lucifer: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Satan: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Lucifer: You forgot pride. Satan: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

MC: My dad died when I was little so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I’ll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like “Glad to see she’s moving on, my dad’s death hit her pretty hard.” Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement. MC: Update, she got a new partner I can no longer make the joke.

Asmodeous: What’s your body count? Belphegor: Do you mean sex or murder?

Lucifer: This bloodline ends with me. Asmodeous: That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

Satan: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Lucifer: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Beelzebub: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses. Solomon: Elephants. Beelzebub: Blocked. Asmodeous : Camels. Beelzebub: Extra blocked. Diavolo: Donkeys. Beelzebub: Ultra blocked. MC: That dick. Beelzebub: …Followed.

[hell-drabbles]

Alright no idea what to talk about but I just wanted to tell this niche little things

In Beel's attack of kings prologue story he talks about a shop that allows people to change genders

And honestly I have never wanted to be somewhere more then that

Anyways I had something to say about embittered companion and angel companion but I'm still thinking it out rn

And also this au idea was for a obey me au

But essentially think of a au where the devils can sacrifice Solomon's descendant to bring back Solomon

I don't know

I feel like the demons would do so without regret if there was a choice to do so

Dante Anon

Huh, that sounds like fun. And take your time with your thinking, I too am taking my time. But that's because I've been groggy.

I probably wouldn't call it changing genders so much as customizing your own body, almost build-a-bear style, just so there's a plethora of options that isn't just limited to what is perceived as female and male by the masses. Don't want to change anything about your dick but want to have the biggest of knockers? Go right ahead. Want a pussy but don't want anything else? Go right on ahead buddy. Want the stuff to be temporary or permanent? You can choose so. Lot of little options, might be overwhelming to a beginner so there might be sampler packages to start them right off.

Also sorry for not being all that active, immune system went a little into overdrive and became convinced I was infected with something and gave me the old fever and chills combo. And then I started showing signs of hives and low blood pressure and almost whited out just trying to look for some medication but I'm doing better now. It's my own fault really, I haven't been eating well at all.

And hohoho, that certainly sounds like an interesting au, though I can only imagine it as a series of one-shots rather than something I can expand. Curse my limited imagination! Solomon's descendant over is pretty much engrossed in this paradise that they're in. They're being fucked however they liked, they're indulging in new and weird kinks just about every day, and the devils give them all the love and affirmation that they could possibly want! Which, eventually, leads to them forgetting that they're devils. They've been projecting their own human elements upon the devils, and often forget just how fickle and childish they can be.

So, when the opportunity comes that Solomon can be brought back with this sacrifice, of course they take it. And that would slap the descendant right in the face, a dose of reality that they have entirely forgotten was possible. Funny too, because I would imagine this all happens right after the descendant has abandoned their home back on Earth.

I just like the thought of the descendant being smacked in the face that these devils have different values and different ways of expressing themselves, that their ability to love and fuck isn't reserved to just the descendant like they want it to be. I just like being cruel to them. Seriously, out of all the self insert protagonists, there's something about them that just...ticks me off. They just remind me of all the male eroge protagonists that I've ever played. They're all horny to atmosphere-deafness, they're all dumb as fuck, and they all make me feel second hand embarrassment just reading about them as they bumble their way into dick or pussy because they showed the barest of kindness. The fact they can be female does not absolve my feelings towards them.

But, instead of getting rid of that personality all together, I want to commit to it and see what kind of person it ends up creating. Just, how big of a mess would this person be with these kinds of traits interacting in Hell, in a place that does not put sex and love in the same category. Any descendant that is easily jealous of other devils fucking one another is not going to survive down here. I know there are devils that want to fuck one person only, but that was so hamfisted in there to placate the audience that I don't consider it canon. Nor do I consider the "some devils can lie" canon. They can be tricky with their words, intentionally misleading, but lying outright they cannot do.

But anyways, this kind of au would force Solomon to also shift his perspective on the devils, since he seems to believe that they're all innocent. He infantilizes them, simply put, and that will also come biting him in the ass because, simply put, they're devils. Indulgent in their sins, no restrictions to be found.

But yeah, that be my thoughts. The angels and devils, as they are now, are just too human for me, you know? But ah, I'm just repeating myself. Sorry about that.

[quietbluejay]

Fulgrim 5

Craftworld time the description is actually pretty decent I'm just burning out on McNeill Prose (tm)

FINALLY I GET DECENT ELDAR CLOTHING DESCRIPTION!!!! so yeah Eldrad's been getting visions of something just as bad as the Fall coming okay so they got the path system set up as per this book

also we have a time measure

"centuries" which doesn't sound like a huge indicator but when dealing with 40ks timespan it actually is then again why am i looking for consistency in the timeline in this of all novels why do i bother also, eldrad is like the only adult in this entire novel im praying he stays that way

he sees the doom of humanity and is basically Big Pensive Emoji

it's also funny in a way that the bits of 40k with the most hope in them have been from the Eldar POV (I'm thinking about Valedor and yeah I know this is doomed here but, it's still here!) he gets a vision of Horus though he's not able to recognize him finally he's able to get the word "Warmaster"

well, the diasporex didn't go out without a fight only 1 ship in the entire dual fleet didn't take any damage

huh i'm surprised they actually left the humans alive, just sent them off to be slave labour and yes it actually used the term

har har har if you're not familiar it's almost a direct quotation from Paradise Lost

Julius is thinking about philosophy again, after training

also im like i'm pretty sure McNeill's got a decent education in the classics (HELLO IRENAEUS MENTION) also this whole thing with Blayke, the way it's talked about but I guess that doesn't actually mean you can write OH SAUL POV MCNEILL DO NOT BLOW THIS

take a shot every time the word "perfect" is used in this novel i was about to say Get Thee To A Thesaurus then I remembered what McNeill is like when he gets thesaurus access… we get a little bit of a summary of what went down on Murder with the EC for those who didn't read the earlier book or just forgot what happened lol

tfw you are a dance kid hanging out with the basketball team

but also...to steal a quote from a friend of mine, maybe you wouldn't be so exhausted if you had actual strategy

no literally it is exactly the reason why they got exhausted iirc saul was like the only one who came up with decent tactics unfortunately his commander is eidolon

like textually! it's why the luna wolves yelled at eidolon for all his faults Abnett is probably the best of these writers with respect to verisimiltude in military tactics

first off, the nose ISNT BONE ITS CARTILAGE more and more i am beginning to think that mcneill doesn't know a single thing about the human body unless…are astartes supposed to have the cartilage in their noses replaced with bone??? also it's really easy to fix a broken nose on a normal person just unpleasant (re-break and set properly) also what lesson in humility like dude that's not what he learned from it....

when fulgrim does it, it's genuis when eidolon does it, it's stupid also lmao eidolon tells the story and saul is o_0 because he's twisting the facts so much lucius: hmph loken didn't beat me saul:…you were flat on your back lucius: it doesn't count!

lucius, my dude

Solomon comes over because he saw Saul's face when Eidolon was telling the story

he really wants the tea here solomon: you know, i know, the serfs know that eidolon's a blowhard lucius: gasp also lucius don't you hate eidolon, shouldn't this be like a "secretly delighted gasp"

you guys are having this conversation and confrontation in front of literally everyone they're doing this at the dinner table sadly lucius was infected with the childishness virus solomon already was so that's nothing new you know what, i'd want to punch Solomon too, Lucius manages to resist and then goes off to hang out with Eidolon, who is uhhhh canonically his rival

learn what also man, Saul, that's your friend, I know he's kind of a dick but still okay we will not be doing war crimes today, they found a beautiful planet with no intelligent life solomon thinks sadly about how the imperium is going to destroy this beautiful world and convert it to industry and this is just as obnoxious as the DO YOU GET IT THEYRE FASCISTS so I will spare you

back to Ostian and everrything is small c chaos with the remembrancers getting ready to do Becky's opera he hasn't seen Serena in weeks either

if you haven't read any of it, how do you know it's bad?

begone coomer

ostian remembers how he got jumpscared by fulgrim recently

silver and copper? tsk you'd think someone like fulgrim would know not to mix metals also red and purple shot silk with silver is also a Choice anyways fulgrim can carve but he can't bring it to life like ostian so he wants ostian's help

fulgrim eventually gets him to try and be honest

ostian: the perfect is the enemy of the good fulgrim: and i took that personally

y-yearning? ok ostian figures out that fulgrim didn't actually want constructive criticism, he wanted validation we've all met that guy, I think heck, I've been "that guy". sometimes after asking for concrit I've realized that what I actually just wanted was validation and gone off and sulked a bit lol but Fulgrim here is....

gifted kid syndrome i know the feeling but how old are you again?? anyways i do find that the bits that dig into art and the artists are some of the most emotionally true parts of this novel if a bit er over the top in a way that sometimes obscures it oh lucius wants to talk to Ostian Ostian: I know who you are Lucius: :D

lucius just wants ostian to show him to serena so she can paint him lol

so i guess fulgrim is like me fr except that, you know, i decided even if it was visible it wasn't enough of a disaster for me to need to redo it, and I was happy with it anyways, and I'd be more careful with how much floss I cut next time i do think a lot of it can be traced back to the gifted kid syndrome but it doesn't explain everything? because fulgrim's been into art for what two hundred odd years

Fabius has become the less cool version of Doc Ock um guys perhaps you should have sorted this out before eidolon was lying naked on your operating table?? eidolon doesn't want alien stuff in his throat fabius: well too late now lmaooo

why does he even need to be naked for this if it's a throat operation....

update: already drugged and restrained on the operating table eidolon, you should really have gotten this sorted out beforehand this scene is like genuinely uncomfortable

okay phew! we're back to solomon on the alien planet and fulgrim is crying from how beautiful the ruins are "this is the most beautiful scene i've even seen!!" julius, also sobbing nods along solomon: is he on drugs solomon: are they all on drugs fulgrim: we must leave it! untouched! to despoil it would be a crime!~ solomon: uhhh what about our job fulgrim: ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME this whole thing is stupid solomon is like "how are they all going along with basically disobeying the emperor"

hey what if i did funny abridged versions of the horus heresy novels that might be fun

anyways all the other planets in the system are like this solomon is the only one who feels like sth is wrong well also saul solomon talks to vespasian after eidolon won't return his calls they're both worried about the legion

vespasian: lol sure why would he do that solomon: why don't you ask him about that huh???

vespasian is gonna ask fulgrim im sure that'll go well oh serena pov she's deeply stressing about her portraits of fulgrim and lucius ugggggghhhhhhh she's moved from using blood to other bodily fluids as well

serena: IT WORKS FOR A BIT BUT THEN IT STOPS serena: wait serena: i have an idea

time to seduce a poet serena: let's talk about you leopold: :( i get enough criticism of my poetry serena: :) actually :) i love it :) serena: let's go back to my studio and read some

it's pretty smelly apparently (gee i wonder why...) besides being an enormous mess

OKAY WHAT i'm never going to joke about the books being sexless again tldr they have sex she kills him in the middle I thought she was just going to kill him straight away

Eldrad Ulthran save me save me Eldrad Ulthran (he's back) oh right yeah re: fighting against aliens that prey on humans, they do in fact deal with proto-Drukhari Solomon remembers fighting them alongside Luna Wolves (context is How Do We Meet The Elves)

hey we already had this argument in Horus Rising

?????????? okay????? like what is it the sword???

this is fulgrim? the guy who earlier in the book refused to allow the laer to become a protectorate because they were aliens and needed to be destroyed? this is the same guy? was fulgrim briefly possessed by like an opposing spirit?

wait huh i didn't know they had wraithlords this early, i thought they were newish live and learn (they're having the meeting on one of the empty planets) eldrad can't read fulgrim's fate other than to know he's a player

huh that's interesting re the primarchs you'd think they'd have more of a presence in the warp oh is that why Emps had trouble finding them eldrad how exactly did you see these guys acting better….

the wraithlord is basically like "let these idiots kill each other this is not our problem" eldrad: i know but also i saw this will be a problem for us in the future. if we don't do anything now wraithlord: ugh fine fulgrim got all dressed up and his makeup done for this meeting solomon judges him internally

master of diplomacy, fulgrim

okay so he acts deliberately provocative i genuinely don't know if we're meant to think that fulgrim's idea of diplomacy is insulting the opposite party and otherwise antagonizing them in order to get a casus belli with them getting so offended they withdraw from talks first or if it's just bad writing

[laresearchette]

Friday, March 01, 2024 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: THE COMPLETELY MADE-UP ADVENTURES OF DICK TURPIN (Apple TV+) MURDER IS EASY (BritBox) THE BRAID (Paramount+ Canada) IN BLOOM (Paramount + Canada) FBI TRUE (Paramount + Canada) SIDE HUSTLERS (The Roku Channel) BMF (Starz Canada) 9:00pm

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

AMAZON PRIME CANADA AMERICAN GANGSTER ANOTHER FATHER’S DAY BACK TO THE FUTURE BACK TO THE FUTURE 2 BACK TO THE FUTURE 3 BENNY & JOON BLOW OUT CABIN IN THE WOODS DEATH WISH 2 DEATH WISH 3 DEATH WISH 4 DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH E.T., THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL GOD IS A BULLET THE HORSE SOLDIERS HOT PURSUIT JAQUE MATE KALIFORNIA KING SOLOMON’S MINES MAD MAX OBLIVION PATHS OF GLORY RAINMAKER THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD ROAD HOUSE ROBOCOP (1987) ROBOCOP (2014) ROBOCOP 2 ROBOCOP 3 RUSH HOUR A SHOT IN THE DARK SOME LIKE IT HOT THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN VALKYRIE WALKING TALL: THE PAYBACK

CBC GEM THE ADVENTURES OF PADDINGTON (Season 3) CBC MUSIC LIVE AT MASSEY HALL CHATEAU DIY (Season 6B) CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON THE NEXT STEP (Season 6) RUSTY RIVETS (Season 3) TRIGGER POINT (Season 2)

CRAVE TV ARGO BATTLE OF THE GENERATIONS (Season 1B, Canadian title) BMF CABARET CATWOMAN KNIGHTS OF THE ZODIAC LA LA LAND MAN OF STEEL NEVER GOIN’ BACK ONE DAY AS A LION PACIFIC RIM THE SOCIAL NETWORK TMNT

DISNEY + STAR WONDERFUL WORLD (Premiere)

NETFLIX CANADA ANÍKÚLÁPÖ: RISE OF THE SPECTRE (NG) THE ART OF WAR BLOOD & WATER (Season 4) (ZA) BRIDESMAIDS THE CIDER HOUSE RULES DUNE (1984) FURIES (FR) GEOSTORM GROWN UPS IT (2017) MAAMI LEGAL HAI (IN) MY NAME IS LOH KIWAN (KR) NOTTING HILL PREMONITION THE RUINS S.W.A.T SOMEBODY FEED PHIL (Season 7) SPACEMAN STRANGE BUT TRUE SYDNEY WHITE THEY/THEM THE UGLY TRUTH UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS YOU ARE NOT ALONE: FIGHTING THE WOLF PACK (ES)

MLB SPRING TRAINING (SN) 6:30pm: Jays vs. Yankees

NHL HOCKEY (SNEast/SNOntario) 7:00pm: Sabres vs. Blue Jackets (TSN5) 7:00pm: Coyotes vs. Sens (SN) 10:00pm: Devils vs. Ducks

NBA BASKETBALL (SN1) 7:30pm: Warriors vs. Raptors (SN Now) 7:30pm: Mavericks vs. Celtics (TSN2) 10:00pm: Bucks vs. Bulls (SN1) 10:30pm: Capitals vs. Clippers

CURLING (TSN/TSN3) 7:00pm: Montana's Brier: Pool Play

NLL LACROSSE (TSN4) 7:00pm: Swarm vs. Thunderbirds (TSN/TSN4) 10:00pm: Bandits vs. Warriors

MILLION DOLLAR ISLAND (Discovery Canada) 8:00pm

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF CHESHIRE (Slice) 8:00pm: You’ve Been Served

BOLLYWED (documentary) 8:00pm: With the Grand Opening of the second location only a week away, mom and dad to come to the rescue one last time.

ABOUT THAT (CBC) 8:30pm

NEVER GOIN’ BACK (Crave) 9:00pm: Angela and Jessie are best friends intent on taking a wild beach trip, but when their roommate loses all of their money in a drug scam, the girls -- blissfully stoned -- go to increasingly daring and absurd lengths to get it back.

THE SUMMIT AUSTRALIA (Discovery Canada) 9:30pm: The group is torn between loyalty and strategy as another hiker is voted off the mountain; a massive rocky chasm stands between the final four and the summit.

[redrorums]

Cult of the Bat

Story Start-Batman isn’t just beaten, he’s been publicly humiliated. Solomon Grundy, Poison Ivy (with supersized virtually indestructible Venus Mantraps aiding her), and a new villain who calls himself Prometheus (and dresses similar-ish to the original) blitz Wayne manor right after Bruce disowns the bat family for unknown reasons. He’s beaten to a bloody pulp, at which point Grundy is “switched off” by another new villain, The Answer. The Answer then broadcasts to the world Batman’s defeat, true identity, and list of crimes. Embezzlement, tax fraud, Child Soldierization, stealing tax payer’s dollars as well as their personal information, corruption and sedition (keeping the cops, politicians, etc. in his pocket), accessory to a multitude of murders, withholding key evidence from the appropriate authorities, oh yea! the child endangerment and abuse thing, radicalizing people with potentially self/publicly destructive extremist ideals, being OBJECTIVELY a terrorist, nearly CREATING Armageddon-level catastrophes himself…

“…and the list, it doth go oooon aand oooooon, mah friends.” The Answer chuckled sarcastically.

Detailed evidence of these crimes is spread across the internet. Despite A.R.G.U.S.’s best efforts, they are unable to contain the very public information leak (much of the evidence also incriminates them 😑).

Dick Grayson is the first to return and rushes headlong into the fray. Finds Bruce’s still living body unmonitored and descends into the Bat Cave. There he finds The Answer waiting in Bruce’s chair. When Nightwing attacks, he’s stopped by the new Prometheus, who is a physical and tactical match for him (and roughly the same age). As they fight, The Answer reveals that they did all this simply to force Mr. Grayson to evolve. Essentially, The Answer is about to start testing both heroes and villains alike, “ya know, trials by fire and whatnot”. Those who survive would prove they were ready to evolve and face the horrifying future of earth.

“And those who don’t*cough*well, ya know….” The Answer smirked widely.

Nightwing is flung into a rage and nearly kills new Prometheus, but is incapacitated by an unknown source. The Answer then slings that red jacket over their shoulder and puts that annoying fedora on. Lights Cigar using Nightwing’s taser baton and bids Dick adieu.

Mr. Grayson is then FORCED to don the mantle of the Bat and must solve the mystery of who The Answer is before he rips the superpowered community of earth to shreds whilst simultaneously daring Darkseid to take advantage of the opening.

List of Suspects:

The Question- OG is currently busy being MIA. Although he has been replaced by nearly 1000 Questions spread across the globe who don’t seem to have memory of who they are or why they’re compelled to find and fight crime. Good luck gettin answers outa that lot.

Prometheus- Nightwing quickly discovers that old Prometheus had recently committed suicide. Based on the slovenly way he was living, it seems unlikely that he could have been The Answer, even if he was involved in the growing plot somehow.

Vandal Savage- It is revealed that one of Savage’s many progeny recently found him, chopped his body into seven pieces, placed them in rockets and launched them into space. Seems unlikely it was him. Not ruled out, though. The Child of Savage is nowhere to be found.

Ra’s Al Ghul- Talia finds Nightwing first and just tells him flat out that her father was murdered by The Answer. Shot through the heart with a Walter PPK. When they attempted to resurrect him via the Lazarus Pit, it triggered a flesh eating virus fueled by the life-replenishing effects of the pit itself. No one can even retrieve his corpse, as simply stepping into the pit is enough to instantly kill you. So yea, she wants revenge.

Amanda Waller- Is currently under investigation by the combined and legally empowered CIA/FBI. They’ve had her locked up in a top secret facility since long before Bruce’s demise. The Answer undoubtedly has high ranking allies planted within the U.S. government.

Lex Luthor- In a catatonic state that seems to have been induced by overexposure to kryptonite. According to J’onn J’onzz, he did seem to know about The Answer, but his mind is currently too fragmented to retrieve any more information than that.

Mr. Grayson must become The Batman in a world that has quickly grown to despise him, where even members of the Bat Family prove to be more enemy than ally.

Tim Drake- Takes it the hardest and makes by far the most absurd choice due to an increasingly worrisome mental state. Willingly marries Talia Al Ghul’s scar-covered and bloodthirsty granddaughter, Anastasia Al Ghul, and takes Ra’s place as head of the League of Assassins. Devotes the resources of the League to hunting down The Answer and eliminating them. Is assisted by Raven for unknown reasons.

Jason Todd- Ironically, remains the most stable amidst the chaos. Chooses to retain his Red Hood persona while trying his best to support Dick during his “trial”. Perhaps…he gets a liiittle more violent in his methods. Slade is forced offworld for a variety of offenses (mainly that he’s bad at his job and way too destructive in his methods, so the criminal underworld wants him gone), but he leaves the Deathstroke Estate split between Jason and his daughter. His version of a funny joke/meet cute. So Jason be rich as hell and has access to all of Slade’s contacts in all the criminal circles that matter. Rose is fine with this cuz she hated her old man and everything that reminds her of him anyways, so the two of them go on a buddy cop quest to track The Answer down. Maybe a few Teen Titan’s alumni join the squad along the way. Along with a veritable army of Questions.

Damian Wayne- sinks into depression. Leaves Gotham without warning and without objective. Wanders the world, seeking purpose. Finds that he doesn’t really care what happens now that Bruce is gone. Eventually, he comes across Catwoman in his travels and they bond over their shared edginess. Soooo the Batchild goes on a series of misadventures with his surrogate mother. And Harley Quinn is there. Because you can’t stop her from being there. And she brings hell and clowns with her.

Harley Quinn- Desperately searching for Ivy. Her poisonous love vanished after the night she helped pulp Bats. Depending on what she discovers, she might have to murder The Answer herself. Stumbles across pretty much everyone in their separate journeys, but they’re all too busy to help. Except for the Batchild and Catwoman.

Katherine Kane- Is framed for the Joker’s murder by new Prometheus, Countess Vertigone and The Savageborn. Recovering from a brutal duel with The Savageborn, an unparalleled sword master, she seeks revenge against the mastermind of her demise, Prometheus. In so doing, she stumbles into the maddening world of freewheeling, psychotic supervillains. It is there she meets legendary assassin Shiva and they stumble upon a much larger villainous conspiracy than they had anticipated. And some Questions are there, too.

Dick Grayson must become master and commander of this Army of Bats if he is to survive The Answer’s relentless onslaught and the coming Future.

Grayson’s new costume would be a combination of the Nightwing suit and the traditional Batman suit, keeping his iconic blue symbol whilst gaining the bat cape & cowl. His identity is known by pretty much everyone, so they all refer to him by name and Nightwing throughout. Villains come to fear him more than Bruce, though, because he’s completely unfazed by this. Where Bruce would’ve grown obviously angry, Grayson just laughs in their faces. The point is that he’s the opposite in every way. Like if Batman was played by Han Solo. Much more audacity, more of a gambler, with a smirking confidence that throws his enemies off their game and gives him the upper hand. He doesn’t hesitate to utilize all the allies who will dare to help him, even adding supervillains to the Bat Family if that’s what it takes. Where Bruce was rigid and unchanging in his Ideals, Dick is fluid, adaptable and much MUCH more empathetic to the plights of even those he fights. His ability to get inside The Answers (and the Bat Family’s) mind(s) proves to be his ultimate asset. The focus would be on his inventiveness and ability to think outside the box.

The Answer’s mannerisms and speech patterns are based ENTIRELY on Peter Falk as Columbo (the grandpa from princess bride).

He always looks and acts comically confused by what’s going on around him. His bright red three-piece suit is always rumpled and his tie loose. Fedora looks like it’s been sat on multiple times and he’s always smokin a stogey. His face has a similar mask to that of The Question or Rorschach, but it seems to be made from some sort of liquid that clings to his head.

The liquid will peel back and reveal his heavily scarred mouth whenever he talks or smokes, which makes him look like a gloopy version of the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth.

Not the nostrils, just the mouth portion. The liquid mask would move aside, but strands of it would remain connected in front of his mouth. It closes immediately when his mouth stops moving. The juxtaposition between his bumbling, lighthearted way of addressing the situation and his somewhat horrifying appearance is intentionally off putting (to most). He acts as if he is just a simple-minded, regular Joe-shmoe P.I. Who’s accidentally solving this “big case”. He’ll then shift suddenly to a version of his persona that’s much closer to Batman than anything else, brutally and sarcastically revealing that there was never any chance for you to beat him. Physically, he can punch on with the bat family, but is closer in martial arts skill to a Green Arrow. Good but not great. His list of gadgetry, however, is enormous. He has stolen and repurposed tech from any number of superheroes/villains and can use it all very effectively. He is purposefully annoying, goading his enemies into attacking, which generally bears some manner of horrific consequence. The assumption that Grayson quickly comes to is, “if he shows up on scene, don’t attack cuz he definitely has the exact tool he needs to beat you or has brought someone who has that tool with him.”

Examples:

Anti-Flash Field- The Answer always has on his person a device that rejects the Speedforce, repelling it away from the device. The closer any speedster gets, the slower they get. If they run directly at the Answer at full speed, they’ll smack into the repulsive field and blast their own body to pieces.

An assortment of stolen Lexcorp kryptonite weapons- he’s got one or two at all times, including a Kryptoscanner. It automatically detects Kryptonians’ unique energy signature about 1.75 miles out. The A.I. within can react at the same speed as Superman’s well recorded average flight speed, firing off a dampening pulse which will greatly weaken them. Not fully de-powered, but enough that armor piercing rounds will actually hurt them. Eventually, Prometheus just tricks all earth kryptonians into returning to earth’s surface to catch The Answer, only then activating a series of satellites that filter the light of the sun to have the same effect as a red sun on them. They’re trapped on a hostile earth, powerless.

Perfect Refrigeration Unit- based on Captain Cold’s ray gun, this Fanny pack-like device absorbs all excessive heat that gets too close to The Answer’s bod and repurposes it to charge his various electronic devices.

Starr-o-Launcher- wrist mounted, gas powered grenade launcher. Technically, The Answer uses it to fire a bunch of different grenades he makes, but it’s most useful round is the synthetic clones of Starro’s spawn that he whipped up in a lab. Even if they don’t hit your face, they’ll be able to gain partial control over your body.

Dr. Fate in a Bottle- Uno reverse card for Magic.

The Blue Rose- A genetically engineered telepathic rose that releases a constant command to not attack The Answer. This will play upon the way a person thinks, so if they are fearless, they just won’t feel like he’s worth attacking. This combined with the unaggressive, laughable way he acts makes people constantly underestimate him, a running theme. It also disrupts telepathic attacks and prevents the manipulation of flora or fauna anywhere near The Answer.

And so on and so forth….I’m tired for now.

[yhwhrulz]

Today's Daily Encounter Wednesday, May 3, 2023

Do Not Worry

"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."1

With everything happening in the world around us these days, it is only natural for people to start feeling a sense of worry and anxiety. In the past two weeks there have been two shooting threats to our local school, and two local police officers were recently shot while on duty. In addition, I get frequent notifications about attempted kidnapping or robbery. It is easy for worry and fear to creep in! While these emotions and feelings are part of our human nature, we should never let ourselves be dominated by them.

As Christians we have the certainty that God is faithful. He will provide all we need according to His will when we seek Him first. He cares for us and calls us to cast our anxiety (worry) on Him. Let us choose to trust the One who holds the future and may we actively live out our faith by being a presence of peace to others.

Suggested prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, during times of uncertainty I choose to seek you first above all else, knowing that you are with me and you care for me. You alone are my Rock and I trust in you. Even when times seem uncertain, you remain our steadfast foundation and hold the future in your hands. I praise you and thank you. In Jesus' name, amen."

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV).

Today's Encounter was written by: Crystal B.

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

Daily Encounter is published at no charge by ACTS International, a non-profit organization, and made possible through the donations of interested friends. Donations can be sent at: http://www.actscom.com

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When copying or forwarding include the following: "Daily Encounter by Richard (Dick) Innes (c) 2005-2023 ACTS International.

[theshelbyclan]

Welcome to the chaos, little one

Summary: Giving birth is never easy, especially when it’s a Shelby x Solomons baby…

A/N I’m so slow with requests but a while back the lovely @fandom-puff​requested: Omg sorry to be a pain but I’m a sucker for Shelby chaos 😭😭😭 can I request something linked to A Very Shelby Christmas where the labour of baby Solomons is just as chaotic? But it could also be sweet like the bros finally accepting Alfie bc they all care about YN so much and can’t stand to hear her in pain, all while YN is screaming that she’ll cut off more of Alfie’s dick than his rabbi would even dare to if he ever tried to bed her again 😭😭😭 omg the chaos 👉👈 ily 💓💓 Here we go! This is part 2 to the story A Very Shelby Christmas

Words: 1638

***

“Not now, Y/N,” Arthur groaned. Ada rolled her eyes, remembering keenly when her brother had spoken those iconic words before. “It’s not like I can help it, Arthur,” you spit. 

Polly grabbed you by your arm as you doubled over again, “Alright, sweetheart, it’s time. Come with me…” “Not yet, Aunt Pol,” you panted, “It’s too early.” “The baby doesn’t have it’s own pocket watch yet,” Ada commented matter-of-factly, as she took your other arm. “Fuck!” you called out again as another contraction set in, “Fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck!” “Nice.” “Oh, piss off John, you want to try this?” “Not really…” “Tommy!” you turned to the one family member who hadn’t said a word yet, “Get him.” “And who would that be, eh?” he replied in a low voice. “Thomas…” Aunt Polly warned softly. He raised his eyebrows, “Finn? You want Finn at the birth?” “WHY WOULD I WANT MY FUCKING BABY BROTHER HERE?!” Tommy waved a vague hand, “General comfort?” Now Aunt Polly’s eyes flashed with anger, “Thomas! Go get her husband, right now!” Tommy sighed deeply, still trying to ignore the fact that his little sister was now Mrs. Solomons, and said, “Come on boys, let’s get them all together and wet this baby’s head! Leave the women to it.” And you groaned, “Thank you…” Once Alfie would be here, everything would be easier.

*** “Solomons!” “No need to shout, mate, I’m right here, ain’t I?”

Slowly Tommy lit a cigarette and started smoking it, “It concerns my sister.” “You mean the glorious creature that made me the luckiest man on earth by marrying me? My wife? Mrs. Alfie Solomons?” A small twinkle appeared in Alfie’s eyes as he saw Tommy’s jaw tense up just a little at his words. “Yes.” “How is the old lady doing?” Alfie asked conversationally. “In pain,” Tommy replied, “She’s in labour, more to the point.” “You fucking what?” “She’s with her aunt Alfie, she’ll be fine.” Alfie blinked a few times, “Tommy I swear to God if you’re playing some fucking game with me I will shoot you between the eyes right here and now. You’re telling me my wife is in labour and you’re standing there casually smoking a cigarette, waiting for some fucking woman to tell you it’s done?” “Yes,” he nodded, “Well, I was about to go the Garrison. Thought we might bury the hatchet and you could join us.” “Have you lost your fucking mind…” Alfie said slowly, while rubbing his chin. Tommy cleared is throat and with a slight hint of uncertainty in his voice said, “It’s tradition.” “Well, if you’ll pardon my French, fuck your fucking heathen traditions, I’m going to my fucking wife and you are fucking coming with me. And bring your fucking family while you’re at it!”

*** “Why are we here?” John leaned in to Arthur slightly while asking the question in a hushed voice. “Alfie insisted.” “Why?” Arthur raised his voice, “Ask Tommy, alright? I don’t bloody know! I’m guessing it’s another Jewish thing…” On the other side of the door, you were most definitely in labour now. The pain was worse than anything you’d experienced before and you were seriously questioning your sanity at this point. “Aunt Pol?” Ada asked carefully after about an hour. Polly moved over from your side down to your legs and said, “What is it?” “Something’s wrong.” “THOMAS!” Polly bellowed as soon as she had taken a look, “Get me some more towels.”

“What’s happening?” A panicked Alfie asked from the hallway. But Polly pushed him aside and started ordering Finn to boil more water. “Woman!” he demanded, “You fucking tell me.” “She’s bleeding,” she answered quickly, “and I can’t see why.” “What can we do, Pol,” Arthur asked, wild-eyed. “Get a doctor. One we can trust.” Arthur dragged John with him, even before Polly had finished her sentence. “What about Sabini’s men?” John asked, “We were supposed to deal with them tonight. What if they come here?” “Shoot them,” Tommy said simply, as he lit another cigarette in a nervous manner. Inside the room, you were now screaming your head off. Of course you had realised giving birth would be painful, but not like this. The sight of Ada going slightly pale didn’t help either and panic had started mixing in with the general anxiety of the process, so your screams got louder and louder. “Pol…” Ada called out again, “What do I do?” In that moment, Alfie pushed passed her and fell down by your side, “I’m here,” he said softly. “I can see that,” you panted between shouts, “but why? You’re not supposed to be here.” “Out,” Aunt Polly said strictly, “This is no place for men.” And then Tommy walked in as well, averting his eyes and grabbing your hand at the same time. “What?” he said when Polly send him a death-glare, “If Alfie gets to stay, so can I!” “Fucking children…” “Alright, sweetheart,” Polly focused on you again, “This baby needs to come now.” Your eyes grew wide, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” Alfie replied for her, “You’ll be fine. You’re doing brilliant, babes.” “How the fuck would you know!” you shouted out. He shrugged, “Educated guess?” “Had a lot of experience with this, eh?” Tommy grumbled sarcastically. “This,” Ada pointed at the both of them, “This is why men shouldn’t be in here.” “I’m not fucking going anywhere, especially if my wife is in danger.” Tommy just shook his head in reply. “Danger?” you asked suddenly, “What does he mean in danger?” “No danger, love,” Ada soothed you, “if you just push.” And so you pushed, with every bit of strength you had in you. But then a gunshot sounded outside, followed rapidly by another two. Everyone looked up. “John,” Tommy clarified with a single word. “You’re being awfully cavalier about baby brother John getting shot there, Tommy…” Alfie commented. Tommy looked at Alfie with a frown that spoke volumes, “John just shot Sabini’s men. I told him to.” “Oh, good. Saves me the bloody trip.” “I can see some hair!” Ada called out suddenly. “What colour?” Alfie replied at once. And John stuck his head around the corner of the door, “Took care of them.” “We heard,” Aunt Polly grumbled. He hopped from one foot onto the other uncertainly, “Anything else I can do?” “Yeah, you can fuck off mate!” “Alright, I’ll stay, since you asked so nicely.” “John, just get the fuck out!” your sister shouted. The birth was chaos enough as it was and now all these boys were only adding to it instead of helping. And on top of it all, Finn stumbled in practically falling over his own feet with a bucket of water, splashing Aunt Polly in the process. This was more like a madhouse than a family occasion. But John pointed at Alfie indignantly, “He gets to stay!” “Push, Y/N,” Polly urged again, and so you did. “Nice one,” John laughed at Finn, “you literally had one job, mate.” “Mrs. Gray?” Alfie asked carefully, “Sorry to interrupt you there, alright, but I just wanted to quickly check, because you mentioned the hair, yeah? What colour? Because I’m sure I’ll love my son all the same if he’s blond, but I might just need to mentally prepare myself…” And then you finally burst out in anger, “Can you all just shut the fuck up for a second! I’m actually trying to have a fucking baby here!!” “Right, sorry about that love,” Alfie moved closer to you and grabbed your hand again, “Please continue. You’re doing brilliantly, even if he is blond…” Tommy chuckled lightly in the background, which made you even more angry somehow, “Alfie, I swear to God or Adonai or whatever you want to call him, do nottouch me again because remember how you said you couldn’t remember your circumcision?”

“Yes,” Alfie mumbled in mortal fear.

“You will remember when I do it. Remember how you told me of your rabbi doing it when boys are eight days old, because then it heals faster?”

“Yes...” he gulped.

“I’ll make it slow sweetheart. Really fucking slow.”  

“Right,” he said with big eyes, “What exactly would you have me do then except for just standing here like some great big bloody useless piece of shit?”  

“Shut up!”  

“Noted.” *** You weren’t sure what had happened exactly in that last hour. Apparently you’d lost a lot of blood and things had gotten hazy very quickly. Ada and Aunt Polly had stopped talking altogether and they had managed to save you, despite the bickering men in the background. You did remember that Alfie and Arthur had gotten into a fight at one point, but apparently they managed to resolve it quickly when the doctor arrived and they took turns in beating him up because he was no longer needed. Anger really does bring people together.

Of course, none of that really mattered now, because you were now holding a perfect baby right there, in your arms. Finn just stared at the baby, completely in awe. “Not blond…” John sounded a little disappointed. Arthur grinned, “But bloody perfect.” “Gorgeous, just like the mother,” Polly hugged you carefully. “Shelby good looks.” Tommy nodded slowly, with a sense of pride in his voice. “Any names yet?” Ada asked, “I bet you’ve picked them out ages ago, haven’t you?” “I have,” you smiled, “but couldn’t say them out loud yet, so we didn’t really discuss it. It’s bad luck.”

Uncharacteristically, Alfie hadn’t said a word yet.

“Mr. Solomons?” you said, gazing up from your one love to the other, “I believe you have a daughter.” And finally he smiled, deeply and incredibly in love as he held her tight with both hands. And in the most tender way possible he looked at you, grinned and said, “Fucking hell!”

***

Masterlist

[ionianstar]

NSFW // Obey Me! New Dateables Sexual Preferences Headcanons

This isn’t as long as the brothers but I enjoyed making it

Diavolo

- doesn't know he has a Daddy kink until you let it slip out once

- he'd just,,,,,,shudder mid stroke and the groan he'd release into your neck

- "say it again for me, little one"

- POUND YOU INTO THE MATTRESS

- PET NAMES

- "little one"

- "flower/blossom"

- "kitten/bunny"

- G R O W L S. LOTS OF PANTING AND QUIET SWEARING.

- enjoys collars but without the leash. He just has to use his hand to call you over and you're moving before you can think of it

- likes to see exactly how you fit all of him inside you so missionary

- M A T I N G P R E S S.

- he's stressed alot so expect alot of random calls throughout the day

- "hey come to my office, I feel like having your thighs over my ears."

- "hello, I'm just about done for the day, so come to the Palace so we can hang out"

- "you have 20 minutes to get here and get naked. I'll be waiting. Travel safely!"

- Likes to watch you masturbate

- Hickeys for days but not where they are visible. Maybe down your spine, over your hips, below your breasts (if you have them)

- Aftercare is cuddles and him asking about the human world. He loves hearing you talk about your interests.

- if he has work, he will sit you on his lap and work at his desk

- Barbatos had the decency to look confused only once when he first saw you together before calmly accepting it

Barbatos

- call him Master.

- temperature play. Expect ice and candles waiting for you

- quiet but always moans in your ear

- TAIL WHIPS. Usually just a tiny flick or sting. But many

- one hand on your throat and one between your legs, he has full control over you and that's exactly how he likes it

- Enjoys buttplug tails. Finds them cute on you

- RIDE HIM.

- HE WILL OVERSTIM YOU UNTIL YOU'RE WHIMPERING

- will not shirk his duties to have sex but if he has a break and you're near by..

- Will not hesitate to eat you out on the kitchen table

- WOULD TAKE BODY SHOTS OFF YOU.

- Exhibitionist.

- Loves to tease. Expect bluetooth-vibrator dates.

- will sit you his lap and play with you till you cum

- appreciates thigh riding immensely

- would 100% kiss you and pass wine into your mouth at a party

- aftercare is a bath for you, with him washing your body and hair and then laying with you, praising you softly as he stroked your hair

Solomon

- very sure he has a spell for restraining

- likes to be called Sir or Master

- Will edge you for the fun of it

- will choke you for the fun of it

- but will also want you to grind on his lap and make him cum in his pants

- EXHIBITIONISM //AND// VOYEURISM

- Would take you shopping just to fuck you in the changing rooms with a hand over your mouth to keep you quiet and one between your legs to make you moan louder

- loves to catch you masturbating and then make you continue while he watches

- DEGRADATION AND PRAISING SIMULTANEOUSLY.

- "you're my nasty little slut, right?"

- "so wet and needy and pathetic, but that's why I love you"

- "look at you, dripping and mewling and begging for my dick with all these people around. Oh ,you little pervert. But maybe I'll give you exactly what you want, would you like that my love?"

- LOVES SPANKING

- Ride his thigh, it turns him on violently.

- swears and groans during anything

- lots of pent up sexual energy in this one

- MILK HIM DRY. IN ANY WAY YOU WANT.

- Loves to have your tongue on his body, anywhere, everywhere

- would not be completely opposed to a threesome

- bruising. Will grip you harshly. Will put hickeys on your collarbone and hips

- dig your nails into him, bite him

- PULL. HIS. HAIR.

- he LOVES pain.

- aftercare is tending to bruises and having a warm bath. Will be very gentle and sweet and will give constant positive affirmations.

Simeon

- PET NAMES

- "little lamb"

- "angel"

- "little one"

- P R A I S E K I N K

- B O D Y W O R S H I P

- quiet swears that get lost in your neck and down your throat

- RIDE HIM.

- L O U D, B R E A T H Y M O A N S

- Lots of fondling

- surprisingly gets turned on when you call him "Sir" or "Daddy"

- NIPPLES.

- touch them, lick them, pinch them, put ice on them, just touch his fucking nipples and he will moan for you and L E A K

- Likes to take risks.

- "The rest are at the grocery store. I have an hour if you want to come by"

- steals kisses between classes and has to pull on all of his years of self control not to moan aloud when you palm him through his pants.

- try hiding that raging boner for the rest of your classes

- likes to use a vibrator on you with you in his lap, watching you come undone.

- likes to leave hickeys on your thighs, collarbone and hips

- aftercare is lots of kisses and a warm bath together. Curling up in bed after and watching s movie or talking. Making sure you're okay physically and emotionally

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC is Half-Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Part 2!

Part 1 Lessons 1-5 Lessons 5-6 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Lessons 13-15 Part 3 Part 4

Okay, They’re Your Cousins but You’re Not Sure How They’re Related to You...

(Barbatos, Simeon, Solomon, and Luke)

(It’s mostly Luke)

Barbs likes smol Lucifer. Smol Lucifer likes Barbs. They bake together with Luke. MC nearly set the kitchen on fire. MC needed to learn to cook.

MC is forever delegated to mixing duty because they refuse to admit that they don’t know how to work the oven.

Simeon is the one telling MC embarrassing stories about Lucifer and the rest of the Student Council from when they were all angels. Lucifer never hated Simeon more than when he found out that Simeon told MC about how hard Lucifer cried when he got to hold baby Mammon for the first time. MC was sworn to secrecy.

Well... sworn to secrecy, but if Uncle Mammon just happened to find out through a series of coincidences it wouldn’t be MC’s fault, right?

Simeon also tried to help teach MC to fly... but he kept distracting them with stories about Lucifer and Michael learning to fly.

“So my father was even WORSE than he told me he was?!”

“Yes, he actually challenged Michael and Raphael to a race at one point. Lucifer ended up slamming directly into a wall because he didn’t know how to stop.”

“SIMEON!”

Solomon was absolutely fascinated with MC. How did their half demon half human nature affect their reaction to certain spells and potions? Do half demons have more or less magical strength than normal demons? Can half demons make pacts with humans? Wait- Lucifer why are you taking MC away they were talking- Lucifer!

Immortal troll needs to troll. MC is the unwitting victim of many of Solomon’s shenanigans.

“Why must I speak in rhymes?! This is the end of times!”

“MC, just stop talking.”

“Father, I don’t mean to be a bother but-”

“So the rhyming spell works the same on half demons... interesting...”

“Solomon...”

“I’m leaving, Lucifer. I’m leaving!”

Aw! Two kids in the Devildom! They were fast friends. Sure, Luke was a little annoying and MC was a bit of a dick, but their mutual smallness and desire to impress their parental figures brought them together.

“Michael’s just so cool and amazing! The way he flies, the way he commands everyone... I want to be just like him someday!”

“Is that why you’re making a cake?”

“Michael has a sweet tooth, and I want to impress him.”

“I wonder if Lucifer likes sweets...”

“Why would you want to give HIM sweets?”

MC just gave Luke a toothy grin and started making the dough for the cake.

Remember back in Lucifer’s section where I said MC would keep their lineage a secret to freak people out? Yeah... they kept it from Luke. At first it was a joke! They were going to tell him! They just uh... it got really awkward. They planned on revealing it to Luke right after they learned how to properly fly so they could swoop in, pick their angel buddy up and zip the two of them to school. It’d freak Luke out at first, but it was meant to be funny! MC would have even sung the song from Aladdin! It um... didn’t turn out that way.

“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” MC growled at the lesser demons that were crowding Luke.

“O-oh... uh... nuh-nothing...” a few of the demons backed off, mumbling a few harried apologies to MC as they scurried away. The remaining demons seemed a tad more... hmm... they say there’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity.

“M-MC! You can’t fight demons! I’m an angel I-I c-can...” Luke sniffled, but tried his best to step in front of MC.

“Oh please, the little half-breed and the lowest ranked angel are going to put up a fight?” One of the demons jeered, a few of the remaining demons joined in.

MC’s eyes narrowed, their glare as cold as the worst winter storm. “I’m going to tell you once, and once only,”

Their wings sprouted from their back, horns now fully grown and on display, teeth sharper and glistening in the light. Hm, it seemed half demons could make their eyes glow too, how delightful.

MC gave the other demons a sweet smile, it would have been comforting if it weren’t for the amount of teeth they were showing off. They lazily placed their hand on Luke’s head and lightly moved him out of the way.

“Leave, or I will make you regret ever crossing us exchange students.” MC’s carefree smile couldn’t mask the malice that coated every single word that left their lips. “Run along now, you’re not needed here.”

The demon that had started the taunts stiffened, he looked from MC, to Luke, to the other demons, before scoffing and shaking his head. “Whatever, the two of them aren’t worth it anyway...”

When the offending demons weren’t leaving fast enough for MC’s liking, they snapped their fingers and shot a fireball right behind the fleeing demons’ feet. They cleared out pretty quickly after that.

“Luke?” MC turned to look at their friend. “Are you...”

Luke was backing away. That look in his eyes, he was... scared. Scared of MC...

“Y-you’re a d-demon?” He whimpered, taking another step back.

“Half demon, actually.” MC let their demonic elements disappear. “I meant to tell you, I really did! It just was never the right time-”

“You lied to me! You said you were human! But you’re a demon like the rest of them!” Luke shouted, he wiped at his eye with his sleeve and sniffled. “I tried to help you, but you just..! I thought you were my friend!”

“Luke- hang on!” MC took a few steps forward, but Luke was already running away. MC felt something twist in their gut, something awful. That ball of innate pride twisted and practically screamed, filling MC’s head.

“He’s not worth it!”

“You’re above him anyway...”

“If he can’t understand how perfect you are, he doesn’t deserve your kindness.”

“Don’t grovel for his forgiveness. He’s beneath you.”

“Your help was rejected. Let him hate you. You’re the child of one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom, who is he to make you upset?”

The thoughts filled MC’s head as they desperately tried to shut them up. They were their father’s child, their pride wouldn’t be easily combated.

“Just be quiet!” MC clawed at their head.

“You’re better than this. You’re better than this. You’re better than this-”

“Luke!” MC called out again. “I’m sorry!”

It truly was a shame that their friend didn’t understand how much an apology from MC really meant.

They guessed Luke was right, wasn’t he? Demons were nasty awful liars. MC was no different...

That hurt.

Lucifer noticed his kid was moping around, not even Detective Toe Beans could cheer them up. Mammon even came home covered in mud from a failed money-making scheme and it didn’t even make MC crack a smile! He needed to get to the bottom of this.

Upon hearing the reason for his child’s woes, he was fully ready to break down the door of Purgatory Hall and throttle the little chihuahua, but Lucifer came to his senses and realized that MC probably didn’t want that.

He teamed up with Simeon and Solomon the things he did for MC... And managed to get both Luke and MC to the Demon Lord’s Castle to hang out with Barbatos.

It didn’t take a genius to realize that Luke missed his friend too. Sure they called him a chihuahua sometimes, but they were still the bestest friend he had made during his time in the exchange program... maybe ever...

Maybe... just maybe... he overreacted. MC did protect him after all, and they never tried to hurt him...

Barbatos was fully ready to fulfill his role as Luke’s second dad and help his angel-son make up with his friend.

It may have been awkward at first, but the two had to join forces to stop Solomon from getting within a hundred metres of the kitchen. Nothing brings two people back together more than fear for your tastebuds.

Mission success. Lucifer could relax knowing that his kid and the chihuahua were back to being friends. Maybe MC could convince Luke to quiet his infernal yapping... Lucifer was trying to work here!

For some extra fluff, after many days of asking and asking, Lucifer and Simeon agree to take Luke and MC up to the human world for Halloween. They got to go trick or treating, and everyone complimented MC and Luke on their ‘costumes’.

*insert sitcom laugh track here*

Sure, it may have been a little immoral for MC to use their powers to manipulate the humans into giving Luke and MC more candy but... candy...

Oh shit would you look at the time- they had to get back to the Devildom for Diavolo’s birthday party- MC STOP WITH THE CHOCOLATE! THE SIGN SAYS TAKE ONE! DON’T BE LIKE MAMMON.

The exchange year had been a success. Well... sort of. MC wasn’t exactly the average Joe human the Student Council expected, which is why after a lengthy break where MC went back to the human world to visit their other parent and human friends, the seven rulers of Hell (+MC) were sitting and waiting for the new exchange students to arrive.

Unlike the previous year, the entire student council was present. That included Levi who they had to physically drag there, Belphie who was carried there and had to be placed in his seat because he was completely passed out, and finally Mammon, he just had to be threatened.

“Father,” MC pouted from their seat next to Lucifer. “Why isn’t my chair as big as yours?”

Lucifer sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Because you’re much shorter than me. You can have a bigger chair when you grow a few more inches.”

“Mmm...” MC murmured, crossing their arms. “Are the students going to get here, or what?”

“Can you be patient?” Lucifer asked. “They’ll be here any moment now. I can trust that you’ll behave, right?”

MC looked scandalized, placing a hand over their heart and gasping. “Father! Of course! I’ll be the most polite person these humans have ever met!”

Not so deep down, Lucifer severely doubted that.

“Come now, Lucifer and MC!” Diavolo said from his elevated seat. “It’s almost eight am!”

Right on schedule the portal opened, two sets of screams followed.

“The next big priority should be making the trip more comfortable.” MC huffed. “It’s demeaning getting dropped straight down like that and just slamming into the floor.”

“Hm.” Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Perhaps instead we can just teleport them up to the Celestial Realm, start a war, and have them crash through not one, not two, but all three barriers between the realms with no portal.”

“Father...” MC matched Lucifer’s eye roll. “That has the same energy as ‘when I was your age I walked to school 100 miles through a blizzard!’ The polite thing to do for the exchange students is to not let them hit the floor at 100 mph and possibly give them a concussion.”

And slam straight onto the floor the two other exchange students did. Well, one of them slammed right into the marble, the other had tried in vain to use their wings to slow their decent or fly back up.

Wait...

WINGS?!

WAIT THE OTHER HAD HORNS?!

THEY BOTH HAD-

Oh and would you look at that... one looked like... and the other looked like-

Shitballs.

Lucifer had to keep himself from actually shouting in frustration. One normal day... one day of no exchange student issues was all he asked for...

“Out of over ten million candidates out of over eight billion humans...” Lucifer grumbled. “How in my father’s name did this happen again?”

(OOOOOOOOOO SEQUEL BAIT!)

[ruewrites]

Kinktober 2021 Day 7: Breeding

AO3

Ship: Solomon/Asmo

Word Count: 1212

Warnings: Smut

A/N: Alternate titles to this include: "Solomon Realizes he has a Breeding Kink" and "Asmo Loses his Fucking Mind because his Boyfriend has a Breeding Kink". I had a lot of fun writing this one and I'm really happy with how it turned out. (I've had this one done for a looooong time). I hope you guys like it! Comments are appreciated!

Solomon’s hands slipped through Asmo’s hair as they cuddled together on the couch. Asmo was in between his legs, head on his chest, soft hums leaving his mouth whenever Solomon touched him in a particularly nice way.

“Hey,” Asmo’s voice was dripping with mischievous intent, “Wanna hear something funny?”

Solomon looked down at him and quirked his eyebrow.

Asmo climbed him to get close to his ear, his breath hot as he giggled, “Lord Diavolo has a breeding kink.”

What.

What.

Solomon jerked away and gave Asmo a stern look, his lips starting to form a frown, “And what exactly is so funny about that?” It wasn’t so much a question as it was a hint that this really wasn’t a topic that Solomon was entirely interested in pursuing. Asmo had done things like this before to get him in the mood, it wasn’t a secret. He used to do it more to try to try to weasel his way into finding out Solomon’s own kinks, or he would do it just to get a reaction.

Asmo shrugged and settled back down to nuzzle into Solomon's neck. "I just think the drunken conversations we have are fun."

"Don't you think that's a bit invasive? I mean, he is your brother's boyfriend."

Solomon had no such interest in thinking about Lord Diavolo and Lucifer engaging in such matters. Ever.

Asmo ignored him and continued on, "I think it makes sense him being the next in line for the throne and all. I mean, I usually peg royalty types as having some sort of breeding kink with carrying along the bloodline."

Solomon knew what the next words out of Asmo's mouth would be before he uttered them, "Do you have a breeding kink Solomon?"

Oh haha, very funny. Yes he had been royalty at one point, and he had had plenty of wives. Solomon knew where Asmo's thoughts were heading. Surely he would tease him about the idea. Tease him about how he might think about stuffing him and filling him up as his thoughts boiled down to basic-

His dick twitched.

Wait.

Oh.

Oh no.

Solomon was hoping, praying Asmo didn’t notice. But of course fortune wouldn’t be on his side. Why would it? Asmo's eyes widened as he stared up at Solomon. Then his lips cracked into a wolfish grin.

“Oh. My. God. No way.”

“Asmo-”

“You have a breeding kink!”

“Asmo please”

Asmo's giggles filled the room. Solomon knew he wasn't mocking him. No. He was thinking about the implications for himself. Yet Solomon couldn't help himself from covering his mouth and turning away from his boyfriend.

"My Solomon, my boyfriend, wants to see me all stuffed up with his lineage."

Was it too late to ask to be struck down by a higher power?

"I can't say I quite enjoy the idea of what would happen to my figure."

Please. Right now. His body had betrayed him, and Solomon was completely and utterly offended.

"Buuuuut-" slender fingers gripped around his jaw and tilted him until he was looking directly into stunning sunset eyes, "If my King would like it-"

Oh the heat that shot straight to his abdomen. Every last ounce of blood that was left in his brain fled straight to his dick. Asmo knew him well, and he played that card on purpose.

"I suppose I could play along." His hand switched from gripping, to gently tickling the underside of his jaw. He was losing his grip, and he had no doubt that Asmo was aware. The fight going on within him was a losing battle

His hands grabbed for Asmo who let out a squeal as he was pulled in for a punishing kiss. Solomon ground up into him chasing any little bit of friction he could find. Asmo moaned into him, deft fingers going towards the zipper of his pants as Solomon scrambled with pulling his own down.

The fact that Solomon was desperate from words alone would definitely have Asmo pleased with himself.

Solomon not being able to become completely undressed before he started fucking him was going to have him smug for the next few days, even if he couldn't walk straight.

"Are you going to fill me, your Queen, with all your little heirs, my King?"

How Asmo could still manage to purr into his ear was a mystery on it's own. But Solomon couldn't deny the deep, throaty groan that escaped him at his words nor that his hips had snapped even harder at the very idea.

Asmo. Sitting perfect as ever. But with his child.

Possible? No. Not that Solomon knew of anyways.

But some primal urge coaxed him on to thrust deeper, harder.

What basic carnal desires had turned him into this? A day ago he would have laughed if someone told him he'd be completely undone, trying to breed his boyfriend on the living room floor, lacking the control to even get him upstairs into the bedroom or even back onto the couch after they tumbled off.

His jaw was clenched, sweat dripping from his brow. He could vaguely hear Asmo cry out and beg beneath him. Had he cum? Solomon knew somewhere in his mind he was lost, his consciousness was but a silent observer to the pleasure, to filling the demon beneath him.

That was until Asmo moved his chin, looking Solomon in the eyes.

"You know, I've changed my mind," his perfectly manicured fingers moved to touch the smooth expanse of his stomach, exposed by his sweater which had ridden up to his chest, "I think I'd look rather nice carrying around your offspring."

Solomon's mind went white. He didn't even know he had the ability to cum as hard as he did.

When he came to, his body was still shaking, breath heavy as Asmo's nails traced circles into his back, a soft hum rumbling from his chest.

Soft laughter caused him to raise his head to look down at Asmo, "I still can't believe my Solomon has a breeding kink."

"You do seem to unlock interesting things from inside of me."

"It gets you inside of me that's for sure."

Solomon rolled his eyes playfully before letting himself fall on top of Asmo, gently kissing along the side of his neck and licking over a rather large hickey he hadn't even been aware he had made.

Suddenly Asmo stopped tracing circles and tapped on his back. "You know, it never hurts to go more than once."

Solomon raised his head once more, looking down at Asmo curiously.

"I mean, you want to make sure that you have an heir for your throne right?"

How was he already stirring again?

"And I'm not sure if anything stuck my King."

Before Asmo even got to wink, Solomon was already scooping him up into his arms and carrying him off into the bedroom.

"Oh and other surfaces too! And I've also read certain positions could help! And-'

"You are insatiable," Solomon teased, pecking Asmo's lips, "How do you even intend on walking to your classes tomorrow?"

"Don't need to walk to class if I'm in bed all day with you," Asmo sang, walking his fingers up Solomon's chest.

His offer might just be too tempting to refuse.

[inviouswriting]

Fallen angel.

Simeon x Fem!Reader

Smut... very smut... VERY. SMUT!

As always warnings below the cut.

Warnings/contents - Sexting, more sex, riding the angel, clothing modifications, fitting a headcanon I have about that outfit of his. blowjobs, mutual masturbations. all that good stuff.

If there was a way to describe getting an earful from three demons. You would find a word for it. Mammon grilled you feigning hurt the whole time about being ignored for three days. Lucifer only noted that your absence was noticed, and warned you about the risks of your relationship with the angel could have repercussions for him. Ones you were already told by Simeon that he had chosen his path.

Asmodeus however, when he was certain to snag you away from everyone he did. He shut and locked everyone out of his room under the guise of needing help with lotion again.

However you were sat down on his bed with a very eager lust demon wanting to know details.

"So! Tell me! How did he like that outfit? I mean you smell of him all over you." Asmodeus leans in taking your hands noticing the nail polish on your hands chipping. He sets about getting things so you can do nails together.

"He loved it. I almost couldn't walk after that day." You feel a little embarrassed talking about it, a gentle laugh from Asmodeus.

"If he loved it that much you can keep the apron." Asmodeus sits with you taking off the polish and focuses on the small talk. Each of the brothers had different places where they helped with things. Asmodeus was perfect for matters of the heart. He picks up on your eyes downcast.

"Did something happen while you were with him?" You are unsure if he was the right one to talk to about a falling angel. But Asmodeus was once an angel too.

The demon goes through his polish colors for a specific color in celestial blue. One he knows is the said angels favorite color and applies it.

"His wings.. are darkening." Asmodeus pauses the brush almost frowning. Then smiles.

"I see the process has begun already then. And you are feeling guilty?" You nod to his question almost retracting your hand but it is held firm to prevent messing up the polish.

"Don't be. If there is something I know of Simeon, it is he is always certain of what he does without a second thought to it. One of the things I admired of him is how passionate he is towards anything. You are a testament to that now." He lifts his head to meet your eyes.

"He loves you so much and it shows. The only way he will regret his choice now is if you reject him. He needs you more than ever while he is falling." Asmodeus cups your face and presses his forehead to yours in a gentle affectionate nuzzle to your face. If you hadn't fell for Simeon, Asmodeus would have been a second choice, he understands things concerning the heart better than most others.

"Does it hurt?" You ask and Asmodeus raises an eye then gets the question.

"It does, at first for the transition. It's why staying with him is important to reassure him he isn't making a mistake. But after he will feel free to do what he wants as he desires. I mean look at how free the rest of us are. He is falling for love, remind him how much you love him." Asmodeus higs you tight then presents his hands to you.

"Now, take care of my hands too? Make sure to use the rose oil and i am thinking of purple with a gradient pink to my nails think you can manage that?" You nod at his demands. Least you can do to repay his rare kind words.

When you leave Asmodeus' room you feel a little better about your mood. You return to your room and plop face first onto your bed. You put your hands to your face at remembering all the sordid deeds you did with Simeon, you notice how he seems to enjoy being in the shower. You're not too surprised with that as water with you two is intimate when he first really confessed his feelings.

You take up your DDD and look at it, seeing a message from Simeon.

"Good afternoon, I was thinking about you. I can't stop thinking about everything we did." You smile and reply to him.

"Aww, I was just thinking about you too. Sorry it took me so long to respond. Asmodeus wanted to talk and did nails. I can't stop thinking about you either." You send him a snap of the color. He sends a sticker with how much he loves the color.

"It suits you! Asmodeus did a nice job! When do you think we can spend time together again?" Simeon asks, you can almost see the pout he usually has, but you didn't have to wait to see it, he sends a shot of his expression.

"You could always come over to me you know." You point this out.

"That would mean Luke is left alone with Solomon." You laugh to yourself, you hug your device to you.

"I know, I know. One of these nights you have to come to my room though. I already miss you." You send him your own pout, and you feel devious with another thought. You get up and go lock your room to prevent anyone from randomly walking in.

You take another picture, one showing off the hickies he left on your neck. You had them hidden from Lucifer and Mammon

Asmodeus teased you when he spotted them.

"I miss you too. I want you in my arms again." The sticker sent was a sad demon. You attach the photo of yourself, blushing as you write out your next message to your angel.

"I mean, you could... come over." When you send the message, Simeon's eyes widen to you so bold. But he returns the tease with his own.

Simeon lays flat on his back, a teasing picture of his abdomen with a hand smoothing down his front. He almost feels embarrassed for such a picture. He sends it to you along with a picture of his face, eyes lowered to appear sultry.

You almost jump from both images. It taking alot longer him to take pictures let alone send them without sending to the wrong person.

The message that pops up afterwards, makes you want to go back to his room instead.

"My lamb, you are teasing me.. I could come over there... but what would the others do, you are not exactly quiet in bed." You begin tugging off the top and bra you had on. It took some angling to do this, but you managed to get a teasing shot of your arm across your chest mirroring his sultry look with your own. Fingers splayed enough that a nipple could be seen.

Simeon outwardly groans at the sight of you and not able to touch and kiss the skin exposed to him. The following image sent after has him teetering on whether he should give into his desires more.

You had shed your pants and had a hand thumbing the edge of your underwear to start tugging them down, lifted enough that he could almost see the start of your folds.

"You sure you don't want to come over.. I have to do this all alone.. without you." Simeon bites his lip as his forming erection strains in his pants. An idea gets him, and he is swift with removing his pants. The top of his outfit was one piece. He leans back against his headboard and pulls the bottom part covering his cock against his flesh the tented outline of him seen through the black. He gets this image taken before he sets about what he was about to do.

Carefully with a set of scissors, he cuts a slit along where his cock is. He sighs in relief when he tugs himself free. He notices he is already leaking precum and how much he wants you to be there to suck on him with this new secret of his.

Your message pops up and Simeon regards it with a kiss to his DDD.

"Let's have a little fun together since you can't make it over. Or I will tease you enough that you will come home with me tomorrow."

Your eyes go wide when Simeon sends you the first unaltered shot. You even lick your lips, realizing how much the black compliments his dark skin, and how pulled taut it is against him you almost underestimate just how he fits inside you with ease. But that is due to all the teasing he does. The second image makes your mouth water at the sight of his leaking dick.

"My lamb... I am already like this.. it's unfair of you to tease me so much when I can't touch you." You ache for your angel, and you show off how much. You arrange yourself to be more comfortable, kicking off your underwear and splay yourself open for Simeon. Your fingers keeping your folds apart exposing from clit to hole. You bite your lip, you want him now, underneath you even.

You take care of yourself, thinking of how Simeon has touched you, how much you miss the feel of his fingers and mouth on you. How he fits so well inside that you don't want him to pull away. The message you attach to the images. Almost strong enough to get the angel to crack and race over.

"My angel... you are making it hard to think or keep my hands from myself... I want you... here."

The images enough to send Simeon to stroke himself, pumping full from base to tip, squeezing, imagining it your warmth surrounding him. Streams of precum make his hand glide easier. He tugs the collar of his top to his mouth to muffle his moans.

The next image you send him of your fingers deep, has him fumbling his DDD for getting a shot of his slicked cock brimming almost with cum, you can make out the beads of white with clear.

A picture after shows his hand covered in cum, you keep your hand busy in the manner you enjoyed when Simeon touches you. Till you arch and feel shudders through your body.

"My lamb... would it be too late to come over? I need to feel you.. please." You smile to yourself as you think of having Simeon in your bed.

"Of course.. I can't wait for you. Please wear that current top of yours. I like it and I want to have some fun with you in it." You agree to him coming over. And set about getting ready for your lover.

Simeon cleans himself off to the best of his ability, still aching to be within you. He makes an excuse after Luke has gone to bed, Solomon knows what is up. He shoos him off assuring Luke will be fine.

When Simeon arrives at the House of Lamentations; Asmodeus let's him in and guides him up without getting caught or talked his ear off by any of the brothers. You had finished with a bath and wrapped in a towel giving a startled yelp at the sound of the door being knocked on.

You quickly open it ready to tell Mammon to knock it off, he had been by your room ten times for odd conversations. Instead of Mammon you see your angel.

"Simeon!" You practically jump into his arms and he guides you back into the room closing the door with his foot and reaching a hand behind to lock it. You dangle in his hold, letting him hold you up to kiss him repeatedly. You intake the gentle scent he has, noting a vanilla smell to him almost, probably from the baking he does.

The kisses you share with the angel are needy. You tilt your head back as Simeon tilts down to seal the kiss better. You can feel him press against your thigh. You shift to grind your hips against his earning a heated sigh. Simeon walks you both to your bed and lays you on your back. You feel his hands make work of your towel pulling it off. He had to feel your skin under his palms.

You smooth your hands down his front as he crawls over you. You slip a hand beneath the hem of his pants, encountering his cock through the fabric of his top. You feel for the slit that was made earlier when he sent you that sinful picture. You find it and tug it up to guide his erection through it. You begin to pump him feeling him throb in your hand. You are eager as much as he is, you glance up to his face, and see his eyes closed as you play with just the tip, thumb rubbing around the slit.

Simeon is lost in this pleasure and gently bucks his hips to your hand as you stroke him. His hands move to his pants and begins to shove them down. A quick kick of them off the bed and you see first hand the hole, just how hard he is, and you smear precum across the tip much like how you saw his cock all covered in it earlier.

“Lay down, Simeon. I’ll take care of you tonight.” You purr audibly to him, he agrees and you help him lie down on his back. You didn’t want to waste a whole lot more time since your home in Devildom happens to be full of curious demons.

You move down to press your mouth to his tip in a swift kiss, then take it into your mouth. You give him quick sucks, hearing his soft moans under his breath. Simeon feels like he is on fire, a pleasant fire. He watches you please him, you feel him twitch in your mouth from his enjoying your tongue sweeping along just below the slit of his tip.

When you had enough you give his cock one more kiss and sit upright. Simeon begins to raise up to have you lie under him, but you shove him back down gently, a shy smile on your face. The falling angel looks up at you as you move to straddle his waist.

“I did say I’d take care of you, my angel.” Simeon raises a hand to his face and looks away shy.

“Of course. Please... I need you.” You hear the plea in his voice, and move to grind your hips again with his. Simeon feels a hand guide his cock along your folds, and there you roll your hips down avoiding him pushing inside you, listening to a frustrated sigh. You push yourself in a way that he glides through your folds. He gets the idea and moves with you, Simeon looks up at you as you rest your hands on the flat of his abdomen. 

“A little more like this..” You ask him to be patient with what you are doing. You needed to feel him like this, even as you feel him almost pushed inside. You raise your hips and move back. Biting your bottom lip you push down this time onto his cock, you both sigh together in unison you at the feel of him hot and thick inside, while he feels slick and pleasant tightness around him. 

Simeon rests his hands on your waist as you begin the slow movements of rolling yourself down to his hips. You are met with him pushing up against you meeting your movements with his own. Your hands grip the black top he has, you remember you are having sex through that slit he made. The thoughts encourage you to get wilder with Simeon. You raise higher and push down, your angel meets your pace going as fast as you let him and hard as you are shoving down. 

Your nails dig into his abdomen you feel the muscle beneath your hands as you meet thrust for thrust. Simeon feels you tighten on him from time to time as you get closer to your orgasm. Simeon’s hands grip your waist tighter, helping you grind when he wants you to, and thrusts up when he needs to feel you slide along him.

“My lamb... I’m getting closer.. do you want me inside still?” His words echo in your mind, the haze there, but you felt something in you that wants him to keep filling you. Like you’d be incomplete without him. You push down harder onto him.

“Please inside..” You blush saying it, and Simeon raises a hand to your face to get you to look at him. He takes up one of your hands and laces your fingers together. 

“Okay, makes me happy you want that possibility.” Your soul ached with how sweet he is while in the middle of you on top of him. Simeon grips your hand tighter in his, and now your own movements are jerky, you bite back a loud cry, not wanting to scream or moan too loudly to draw the attention of the demons in the house. 

Simeon moves his hands to guide you down on him, moving as hard and keeping you close. He felt hotter, almost painful but pleasurable at the same time. One hard thrust inside and you still as you clamp down around him, Simeon thrusts through your orgasm till he has his. 

Your face burns a bit more after he cums, you see his face lit with absolute pleasure. He looks at you with such a gentle look to his eyes that you feel even more guilty for his falling. You don’t let it show in your face, instead you lay on top of him, still letting him stay within you. You feel like when you two first were intimate together. How gentle and sweet he was, still is. You feel a hand rub circles on the small of your back.

Something about having sex with him this round felt just so much more intimate. Like being so sure of your next step.

“Simeon...” You feel a kiss to the top of your head, and he shifts to lay you next to him, pulling from you. Staying awake to listen to you.

“Yes? My sweet lamb?” Simeon rubs his face to your head nuzzling his cheek against your hair.

“I love you.” You feel his smile against the crown of your head and a kiss with it. 

“I love you too.” You trace lazy patterns on his chest tugging and snapping the fabric of his top.

“It is possible to have a child right? Are you afraid of a possible nephilim?” You feel hands cup under your face to get you to look to his face. Locking your eyes with deep blue ones. You smooth your hands on his chest taking in the black of the fabric and the brown of his skin.

“I don’t have fears. It’s possible, and I hope we’re fortunate with one... or maybe a few.” You shrink down at the idea of many. 

“There is no turning back you know. You can still. ah! Ow!” Simeon pinches your face again for mentioning his falling. Making good on his promise to pinch again if you bring it up in a negative way.

“I don’t plan to turn back.” He confirms his stance, and you nod after hearing that hiss in his voice warning. You shrink down closer to him, only for Simeon to cup under your face to get you to look at him.

“You must make it up to me now. I did say not to bring that up. So... we need a punishment in place.” A teasing lilt in his voice, you keep your eyes on his playful blue eyes.

“Punishment? What sort of punishment!?” You feign hurt, and he laughs that sweet light hearted laugh.

“How about this. For every time you think and bring it up. You have to spend an entire lifetime with me. That means from here out. Anytime I catch that sad face, you apologizing for my choice, or feeling guilty over it. You will add onto how many lifetimes you spend with me. Sound fair? I can even get Diavolo or Lucifer to make it official.” He sounds so cheerful saying it, and you can’t help but smile as he tugs you closer to feel you against himself. You help him tug and pull his top off, wanting to feel skinship with him.

“I thought punishments are suppose to be something I won’t enjoy.” You remind him of what a punishment is, and he taps a finger to your lips.

“You’re right. Okay, a punishment. You have to suffer a bowl of Solomon’s cooking.” You blanch at that, shrinking down and pulling the blanket over your head. Simeon chases after you pulling it over his head and slipping down to wrap his arms around you.

“A spoonful. No? Then does a lifetime sound better?” You nod and raise your head to meet him in a nuzzle on your face, pressing cheek to cheek doing this for both sides. 

You feel him move closer and wrap his arms around you, tugging your head up so you rest it on his arm underneath you. You trace fingers over his face, touching his eyelids, his nose, tugging his bottom lip which earns his fang playfully nipping your fingers.

Simeon hides everything he feels behind a smile. The burning he feels in his back, how he seems to feel like everything is on fire in his being. Yet he is there, shoving his feelings aside, letting the fall run its course. 

He didn’t show his wings this round, you would see them turning black like Lucifer’s only with green tips at the ends. Another reason he wanted to be in your arms, was so he didn’t feel alone while it runs its course.

You smooth your hands along his back and rub gently, Simeon lets you touch, finding your hands soothing to the fire he feels. Yet at the same time he feels good, blissful in his sensations. 

“Are you in pain?” You ask, and he presses his forehead to yours again.

“Keep touching me please... your hands feel so nice. My head... rub my head?” You nod, your fingers going through his hair and massages his head. Simeon presses closer to you, and you feel him push you more onto your back. He presses kiss after kiss on your chest and on your neck. Under your palms you can feel the heat of a fever through him, you bring him up to kiss his face, showering him in love and affection.

Simeon soaks every bit up, taking your hand to kiss the palm as it passes his cheek. You don’t object to feeling him want to take you again, allowing him to press in, the lovemaking alot more tender, alot more sweeter than you two have done.  

You hear soft murmurs of adoration under his breath, how he says soft worships into your skin. The talk of a potential child already with you. Kisses over your heart as he hears it race from his thrusts. You scratch down his back when you both peak together. He has a needy look in his eyes, like he wants more, needs more of you. You allow him as much as he needs of you.

Simeon wears you out first, snickering at when you are cuddled up in his arms, and he nuzzles his face into your chest. Pressing an ear to listen to your heart beating as it calms down.

He joins you soon after, tugging you into his arms and protectively holding you so close to himself, that all you feel is a safe warmth through you.

[fellulahh]

What he’s like on a night out (all characters) CHAOTIC

Lucifer:

- Lucifer always embarrasses himself on a night out without fail. Usually he’s all composed and serious but as soon as he’s has too much to drink he’s incredibly clingy and soppy

- Tells his brothers how much he loves them, gushing over how wonderful they are and how proud he is to be related to them (he’s almost like an embarrassing parent)

- Confides in MC, expressing how he hopes he isn’t too harsh on his brothers

- Ends up confessing how much MC means to him when they’re talking; basically says everything he refuses to admit while sober

Mammon:

- he just follows MC around everywhere for the entire duration of the night

- Introduces everyone to MC and says that they’re his partner which earns him a playful slap

- He’s a bit of a big kid, he’s always tugging on Lucifer’s arm saying ‘hey, hey Lucifer! Watch this!’ And then does something really stupid and pointless

- Once he’s really drunk you could probably find him somewhere chatting up a plant

- Has to be carried home because he’s wasted but that doesn’t stop him from singing a duet with MC on their way back to the house

Levi:

- Oh this demon cuts some shapes on the dance floor!

- He starts off the night really quiet, hiding behind his brothers wishing he’d never gone but after having some shots with MC and Mammon, he becomes completely wild

- Him and MC basically have a dance battle in the middle of the room with Levi winning every time without fail

- The brothers and MC - no matter how drunk they all are - end up just staring at him with open mouths because he has everybody surrounding him while he busts a move

Satan:

- he becomes incredibly smooth while he’s drunk. Usually when he’s sober he can make some comments toward MC that make them blush but as soon as he’s had a drink he doesn’t hold back

- Has a constant smirk on his face, he becomes the biggest flirt. All eyes are on him as he flips his blonde locks

- Waltzers up to MC about 30 times throughout the night, leaning on the bar to tell them how enchanting they look

- There’s no way he’s ending the night without at least a kiss with how much of a smooth criminal he is

Asmo:

- he’s basically every drunk girl in the bathroom at a club - he is the kindest, most sweetest thing you’ll ever meet!

- Anyone that he talks to, he’ll compliment their outfit, saying how flattering it is on them and how much he loves it

- Screams when he hears his favourite song come on, practically deafening the brothers

- Does a lot of drunk dancing and shots with Solomon; they’re effectively partners in crime on a night out

- If MC gets their feelings hurt by one of the brothers or a random demon, Asmo’s the one who will be motivating them, “you don’t need them! You’re fucking beautiful, you could get anyone you want!”

Beel:

- Beel’s that person that randomly disappears throughout the night and you don’t see them for a good hour and then you end up finding them in the smoking shelter with a new group of friends

- Spends the entire night asking ‘are we getting a kebab after this? Is it time for the kebab yet? When are we getting a kebab?’

- Gets excited whenever he bumps into MC and will carry them over his shoulder insisting that they dance together

- He also carries Belphie out of the club when they leave because his twin passed out

Belphie:

- Belphie’s quite naughty on a night out - he won’t get as drunk as everybody else but he’ll still be a bad influence on them

- He’s basically the little devil whispering in everybody’s ear ‘you think you want a jäger bomb? They’ve got an offer on so get 4. You want to try and get a picture of Lucifer cuddling up to Simeon? Do it, he’ll love you for it!’

- Drunk Belphie causes chaos and he loves it

- He’s also the one to take all of the embarrassing videos and photos

- 100% gets kicked out of the club for passing out in one of the booths though

Diavolo:

- he is absolutely WILD, he’s 100% the life of the party doing stupid stuff to entertain everyone; this demon radiates big dick energy and it works because MC is all over him

- Diavolo flexes a lot, he will take every opportunity to try and woo MC, boasting about something random like how many bathrooms he has in his palace

- He’s that demon that smashes beer cans on his head before drinking them

- He always has a crowd following him because he’s the Prince of Devildom!

- Buys drinks for everyone in the club - they adore their future King

Simeon:

- even when drunk, Simeon is still pretty reserved - he’ll stay close with MC and the others and won’t disappear

- He’s the most rational drunk, you wont catch him doing anything ridiculous like some of the others

- However, he will randomly surprise you though. Everyone will be dancing when suddenly a really sexual song will come on

- Sinful Simeon then comes out and starts rolling his hips, doing slut drops and grinding against MC (and Lucifer)

- Nobody knows whether they should be gobsmacked or turned on!

Solomon:

- he spends the entire night trying to chat up the various demons; trying to get an insight into their world

- Tries to flex that he’s a human but that doesn’t really count for much in Devildom

- He also tries to make a deal with the brothers on why they should make a pact with him; although Solomon is completely intoxicated so he probably doesn’t make much sense to them

- Whines to MC, ‘HOW have you got a pact with all of them?!’

- When he’s not busy approaching demons, he’s searching the club for Asmo

Barbatos:

- he has a hard time remembering that he’s got the night off. If somebody mentions that they’re thirsty Barbatos’ natural instinct is to say ‘allow me to get that for you’

- Once he’s had a few to drink, Diavolo has to keep pulling him by the collar because Barbatos keeps trying to sneak behind the bar to help them out with orders

- He’s actually incredibly blunt while intoxicated and can say some absolutely SAVAGE things to the others (i.e ‘Satan please stop whining about Lucifer. We all know it’s because you just want him to acknowledge you as his son.’)

Luke:

- he’s resting in bed staring at his clock on the wall thinking ‘where in heavens are they??’

- Lowkey misses his Papa Simeon

BONUS: What they do when they get home:

Lucifer:

- Hugs the router takes MC by the hand in the hallway and insists they dance with him, he doesn’t want the wonderful evening to end!

Mammon:

- Immediately retreats to his bedroom and sits in one of his many cars going ‘vroooooooom vroom’

Levi:

- Naruto runs through the door, he’s still cutting shapes all the way to his bedroom, whipping out the ‘just dance’ game as soon as he enters

Satan:

- he escorts a very flustered MC to his bedroom where their drunken flirting can continue!

Asmo:

- goes to every single bedroom to wish everybody a goodnight, saying how much he loves them all

Beel:

- after taking Belphie up to bed he raids the kitchen and eats everything in sight, tries to order 6 different takeaways until he realises he’s calling the restaurants with a calculator

Belphie:

- he just gets carried to bed by Beel, Belphie can never remember how he gets home from a night out, let alone how he made it to bed

Diavolo:

- he gets all whiny because he wants to go to the House of Lamentation. Instead he walks through his palace shouting ‘SO MANY BATHROOMS!”

Simeon:

- practically breaks down the door to Luke’s room, “hello!! How’s my precious little cherub doing, did you miss your papa?”

Solomon:

- immediately runs upstairs and puts on the Harry Potter series, trying to convince himself he’s a powerful wizard too

Barbatos:

- tries to help Diavolo to bed but ends up stumbling through the palace and passing out in one of the hallways

MC:

- Satan

——

Phew! That was a big one. What character are you most like on a night out?

[luminescentauthor]

i’m lowkey really excited to see where they’re taking Task Force Z because they’re pulling in a lot of really cool characters?

I mean, there’s the objective hilarity of the Arkham Knight and Jason Todd being on the same team, but this comic also has Amanda Waller, Two-Face, Bane, Deadshot, Solomon Grundy, and Man-Bat, all of whom are pretty big in their own right in the batman comics?

Suicide Squad ft. Jason Todd as the main character!

also the summaries for future are leading me to believe that they’re going to be dealing a fair amount with the dynamic between Jason and Bane, which is going to be REALLY interesting. I’m kind of starting to wonder if Jason blames himself for Alfred’s death. Because when Barbara called him to ask for his help when Bane invaded Gotham, Jason flat-out refused. Unless I’m forgetting something (possible) did nothing during that mess. And I’m guessing he’s probably hating himself for that right now, since Alfred died.

And Jason wasn’t the only one who wasn’t there! Dick wasn’t there either, because he was amnesiac. And do you remember why Dick was amnesiac? Because he was shot in the head by a guy named KGBeast!

Who, oh yeah, is the leader of the other zombie task force, and as of the end of issue 4, is standing across the room from Jason.

[chaosangel767]

Flirt War

Fandom: Obey Me 

Pairing: Asmo/ reader

Warning: NSFW - Crude Language 

“Asmo get the fuck out of my room before I hang you by your balls. “ I was thoroughly annoyed by the touchy avatar of lust. He usually flirts with me and will make snide remarks, but lately it was getting out of control. He was constantly trying to touch her and flirt with the small human. 

“But darling I want to cuddle before dinner,” He whined pushing his champagne colored bangs out of his face. He wrapped his arms around me and 

“I need to go to the library to study with Satan and get my tasks done. Now get the heck of my room.” I release myself from his grasp, grab my bag and book it to the library. Once there I look for Satan, finding him in a niche by the fireplace.

“You're late y/n” Satan looked up at me. I sighed heavily and knelt in the chair next to him.  

“Asmo hasn’t been leaving me alone lately, he has been ultra flirty and clingy and I don’t know how to handle it.”I apologize as I got my books out. The blonde demon listened to my rant before  offering me some tea and snacks. We calmly started to work on our assignments and Satan worked to show me demonology and chemistry, it was such a calm few hours before dinner. There was a spell on the library so that it blocked out the noises of the rest of the house. It was my favorite place to be, no Mammon to cling to me or Asmo to flirt. These brothers are so chaotic. 

“Yn it's time to get ready for dinner.” Satan said softly as I worked on Chemistry. I groan softly not wanting to move and face the brothers. 

“Uuuugh time to go back to the chaos and Asmo’s pick up lines.” I groan picking up my stuff. 

“You should stop taking his shit, just back sass him like you do everyone else” Satan advises with a smirk. He knows how sassy I can be when I am in a bad mood. I nod at him and leave the library before going to my room to get ready. It was Beel’s night to cook so I know to make it quick so there’s food left. I showered and changed from my RAD uniform to a f/c t-shirt dress and flats. A large black belt went around my waist and I threw my  h/l h/c in a ponytail. I walked don to dinner seeing everyone but Mammon there. Solomon sat next to Asmo since they had been working on a project together. I sighed and braced myself for the pickup lines. I sat down just in time to hear. 

“Oh y/n that’s such a cute dress, it would look amazing on my floor.” Asmo complimented with a smirk. I saw Mammon start to get angry at his comment. 

“I actually think it would look better shoved in your windpipe.” I replied before taking food and looking at Mammon's dropped jaw. He blushed and looked away. Solomon was trying not to laugh. 

“ Well damn y/n I just googled “sexy” and a pic of you just came up.” Asmo pressed on, giving me his charming smile. 

“Well you’ll get the same result if you google “not interested” I replied breaking our eye contact. Mammon snorted next to me and I met Satan's mischievous eyes. Solomon started choking on his food. After a few minutes he cleared his throat and I looked over. 

“ Y/n there is something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off of you. “Solomon's smooth voice met my ears. I looked up and met his eyes, I snorted. 

“I’m having issues with mine too Solomon, I can’t see you getting anywhere with me.” I replied already tired of this nonsense. Everyone but Beel had caught what was going on and they wanted to see what would happen next, Beel was just eating his food and looking confused. I glared at Asmo and Solomon and they were looking at each other, trying to plan what was going to happen next. I looked over at Satan who was smirking at me, pride in his eyes at the flustered look on Solomon and Asmo's face. 

“Hey Y/n” Asmo asked me, I looked over at him and raised my eyebrow. 

“Yes Asmo ”I replied uncertainly, everyone was listening to what was going to happen next. 

“I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out.” He asked innocently as he grabbed a roll from the table. 

“Asmo honey, didn’t you know I’m a best seller? I’m currently unavailable.” I replied sweetly as I hear Satan cough and hide his smirk, Lucifer had his mouth open. I raised an eyebrow at the two troublemakers and waited for the next line to come out their mouth confident and revenge fresh on my tongue. Solomon kept his eyes on me while Asmo looked down at his plate. After a few moments of silence. 

“Y/n my dear, if I said you have a beautiful body will you hold it against me?” Solomon raised his eyebrows at me suggestively and I roll my eyes. I heard Mammon and Levi next to me getting angry. Beel is starting to blush at all the innuendos finally realizing what is going on. 

“Solomon if I said I wanted to check out your ass, would you turn around and walk away? I asked in response, raising my eyebrows in question. Lucifer took that moment to clear his throat. 

“Solomon, Simeon texted me to tell you he needs help at purgatory. One of your spells got spilled. '' Lucifer informed him and Solomon went wide eyed before he got up. He said a quick goodbye before he walked out swaying his hips a little. I rolled my eyes as Mammon put his hands over my eyes. 

“Don’t look y/n” he told me. I snorted

“Mammon, the avatar of lust can’t charm me, you really think a human ass is going to?” I asked, turning and looking at him, my eyebrows raised. Mammon started to stutter while Levi and Satan started to laugh. 

“Hey Y/n wanna hear a joke about my dick?” I raised my eyes at the sudden words. Levi coughed next to me. “Nevermind it's too long” Asmo winked in my direction. I snorted at him

“Hey Asmo you wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Nevermind your never going to get it.” I winked back at him as Mammon started to choke on his dinner. 

“ But Y/n I want to give myself to you?” Asmo whined, I could tell he was reaching his breaking point. I was getting tired of the constant pickup lines and the flirting. If Asmo could settle down I would go with him in a heartbeat, but he can’t settle down and I am not a plaything, or a prize for Solomon and Asmo to win. 

“ Sorry Asmo I don’t accept used gifts” I replied without missing a beat. I saw his face fall a little, as he seemed stumped. Lucifer shot me a warning look and I put my hands up. I was just replying to Asmo’s advances. Thankfully I was done eating and decided to flee before Asmo came up with more. I had temporarily stumped him and deflated his ego a little. Taking the small victory I stood up.

“Alright guys, I am heading to my room. I need to finish some work so please leave me alone.” I rose from the table and walked around to where Asmo was sitting. I smirked and leaned down next to him. “ your face would look better with my legs wrapped around it” I whispered slyly in his ear. I watched his jaw drop as I winked and walked up to my room, listening to Levi and Mammon start to protest and get upset. I hear Satan laughing at Asmo’s face. Oh I’m going to pay for that later. But this small victory was so worth it.

[moekaneko]

Things from fear street part 1 that confuse me: (unfortunately some points are missing cause Tumblr closed on me and I didn't save so I lost some good stuff from a good chunk of the movie :( fuckin Tumblr)

How do all the books fall off the shelves? Is dude using telekinesis?

Why is Ryan messing with Heather? All the killers are later shown to just straight up kill people, no hesitation, so why is Ryan doing all these games? He was literally stood right behind her at one point.

Why doesn't heather just leave the mall when he first scares her in the book store? Or leave when she sets up the doll in the booth trap? He wouldn't have known.

Why was nick Goode at the mall? I mean I know he knew the whole Ryan thing was gonna happen but he's the sheriff of Sunnyvale? Wasn't he there? If so, how'd he get there that fast?

Why is sunnyvale free of crime? I mean I get the whole all the killers are in shadyside and stuff but that doesn't mean that sunnyvale should be completely void of crime for any reason.

There are multiple people in the chatroom josh is in, so why is it ever just him and that queen girl talking. Is it different time zones? If so do they never comment on the conversations about Sarah and stuff?

If Sarah didn't have a hand when she was hung, and she lost it when only Solomon was there, why do they think she cut it off? Is it common for witches? Plus, they couldn't have known where she cut it off unless they found it but surely they would've moved it if they had, but they didn't. How'd they know?

Not a question, I just like the whole sam being the girl thing. Because the name Sam can't be argued to be a certain gender so it was so clever to have it so hard to tell which one is Sam at first. I think it's super cool.

Why did Peter seem so scared by Sam leaving? If someone found out what really happened, wouldn't the shadysiders be the ones in trouble for causing them to crash?

Again, why was nick at the damn crash? He is fucking everywhere. Also, he tries to blame it on Deena messing around because he wants it to be the shadysider's fault because Sunnyvale is so perfect and I just find that a dick move.

Also the few seconds after peter hugs Deena to stop nick from being suspicious and Nick just sort of blinks with a blank look on his face just like; "what."

Why did Ryan just ring Deena's doorbell? Why is he the only one who messes around with them. Also, what would he have done once he got it the house? I mean, he wouldn't have killed Deena or josh because it was sam's blood he was attracted to and the blood was on her shoes. Would he have just sniffed it like he did Simons shirt?

How'd Ryan run out of the room so quick after Kate and Simon saw him? Especially with all those clothes piles around, I would fallen over at least 5 times.

Why do they think peter travelled half an hour and then moved around multiple houses in a grim reaper costume with a knife just for a prank?

How come it looks as if Ryan came from behind Kate in the hospital after Sam and Deena, yet 1. Simon is wearing a shirt with sam's blood and 2. In the next shot there is no hallway behind Kate so and they were ahead of him while running so where'd he go?

Why did Ryan kill the receptionist? Why is he the only one who seems to be self aware?

Why, if Nick is the sheriff of Sunnyvale, is he stationed in the closest police station to the hospital which is most likely the shadyside station?

How did no one but Josh know about the other killers like ruby? I mean Kate knows about Nightwing but no others. The legend of Sarah fier is super popular and so is the fact she possessed a bunch of people so how do they not know about them?

How and why did someone draw a picture of pastor Cyrus Miller? Who the fuck saw him and the children and went, "hmm, I could make a good bit o' moolah from this one. Lemme draw it boi."

How come Ryan happily went after the workers in the hospital but tommy completely ignored josh? How come they kill people who get in their way even if they have no connection to Sam?

In that scene where josh and Kate kiss josh looks like he's on a stool and then when they leave the bathroom josh looks so much smaller

I like how Simon is employee of the month every month in grab and bag. Is he the only worker or smth

But like imagine the killers gossiping between kills: Tommy- ‘oh shit, they’re all fucking in there!’

Ruby - ‘Billy cover your ears’

Milkman ‘he’s killed people, I think he’ll be fine’

Ryan- ‘shut it Hannibal Lecter’

Why did tommy react to Josh stabbing his hand? Jeez movie, is it gonna hurt when the killers get injured or nah?

Sam let's Deena know she's gonna sacrifice herself, puts her forehead against hers and Deena only reacts when Sam actually leaves? That's some bullshit Love if I've ever known it.

I was sat here thinking, 'I may be slow, but at least I'm faster than those killer guys, right?' but HOLY FUCKING HELL FILLED WITH CRACKERS WHY IS SKULL MASK SO DAMN FAST?!

AND TOMMYS FUCKING LIGHTING LIKE IM GONNA BE SCREWED. Except for when he was walking to Sam in the hallway, boy was doing his sassy business walk. He wanted to look ✨ stylish ✨My man said, murder, but make it ✨classy ✨

Why is the bread on the floor? I don't want my sourdough on that stank ass floor.

In the first movie, Kate's full head goes through the slice, so how come in the last movie, only a quarter of her head is missing?

✨ cake face is a statement ✨

Also, 🔥 B O N F I R E 🔥

I get you're desperate but, a lobster tank? A FUCKING LOBSTER TANK?! BE AT LEAST A BIT MORE CLASSY MY DUDES IT'S WEDNESDAY

Plus, the excuse, "fell on some glass", there was literally NO BROKEN GLASS WHY AND HOW DID THE POLICE BUY THAT?!

What was Deena's voice when she said "Sam isn't feeling like herself"?

I wanna know how Deena managed to tie up dam with a FUCKING TELEPHONE CORD.

Tumblr, I don't want post plus, I want it to save your post to your drafts if you accidentally close the Tumblr tab without saving.