#disclose the tags lets see 'em

[cryoqi]

all i wanted — paramore ━━━━━━with childe.

songs that make us want to fall in love. 

in 1.3k words.

tags angst to fluff, mentions of physical contact, gn! reader, reader is not traveler.

Several years ago, he met a golden-haired traveler accompanied by a small, pixie-like girl who berated him for how silly his love letter sounded. He didn’t mean for them to read it, but he wanted them to hold on to the letter as he fought off several Treasure Hoarders that came across their pathway onto Liyue Harbor, where he was to send the letter off into your hands. By the time he returned to the two, the letter remained unscathed just as he was, only being short of breath for just a few seconds. 

“We read your love letter,” the pixie stated, almost like it was a taunt. The traveler beside her didn’t say much except that it was written nicely, that to whomever it was being written would understand him completely, to feel as he felt. Childe gave his warmest thanks. 

“Hey!” she exclaimed, hands on her hips, “I thought it was pretty cheesy. I mean, it started out like…

“To the one I love, 

Know that I am constantly looking forward to the day I return home, the one I have always claimed as my home alone—in your arms, where the both of us are safe and sound. Know that I am here in Liyue Harbor, always thinking of you, wondering if you’re thinking of me too.

I wish I could bring you here with me. There’s so many things to see, and to do, and neither of us would ever get bored. If your parents ever let you travel outside of Snezhnaya, I know a great place for us to sit down at night and look up at the stars. I know you’d always dreamed of looking up at a clear sky, where no clouds could hinder your view of the world above us, and trust me—it’s absolutely beautiful. 

I heard the famed Lantern Rite Festival of Liyue is dawning upon us. Only the archons know if I’ll be able to attend. After all, duty calls. Though, if I do get to write my wish on a lantern, there’s one thing I’m wishing for, and no, I can’t tell you or else it won’t come true. 

I’ve got to leave for now. I’ll be sure to see you again soon. 

Say hello to my family for me.

I love you,

Ajax”

He always ended his letters like that. 

It’s been several years since you received a letter from him, and you decided to read the last one he’d sent while cleaning your bedroom. All of the letters he sent were kept in a box he found while on one of his journeys, given to you as a souvenir. 

You hadn’t realized the grin on your face that was clearly evident to anyone passing by your open room, one of which being Tonia, Ajax’s younger sister. She’d grown so much since the last time you saw her, and while your smile was one written by nostalgia, hers was of excitement. She gently held onto the doorframe, peering into your room. 

“Tonia! I didn’t expect to see you here,” you said. Pushing the letters aside, you stood up to welcome her into your room, but she stayed put by the door. 

“Your father let us in,” she commented. “Everyone’s in the living room, and there’s someone waiting for you.” 

Someone… You didn’t want to admit that you really hoped it was Ajax. After all, you hadn’t heard from him in years, and at that point it was safe to presume he was dead from whatever violent work he involved himself with, the kind he chose to disclose with you the day he left. With every passing day after you saw the door close in front of you, you couldn’t tell if your love for him grew stronger or weaker. 

With love, there was no way of telling, but one day, everything went mute, that you knew for sure. All those memories you had of you and Ajax played in your mind like static; nothing was there. Maybe it was like a final thread had snapped, causing everything to fall apart, but to you it was akin to a wearing away of a rock, where little by little, time and time again, everything you felt for him slowly diminished. 

However, when you walked into the living room and saw him sitting in the chair that you always sat in, talking with your family like a day hasn’t passed since he left, you almost wanted to drop to your knees. Blood rushed to your cheeks and feelings rushed into your heart, and all that you could manage to say was, “You’re back.”

He turned to you, wearing that same charming smile you first fell in love with. 

“I’m home.”

—

The fireplace was warm outside, and the blankets over you and him did much to preserve the heat, but you wished that you could bring him back into your bedroom, holding him in your arms. Though, you knew there was a distance between the two of you and after all those years you couldn’t just simply bring him into close quarters. Thus, the two of you were left outside to catch up on all that time lost. 

It was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. 

“Did you receive my letters?” 

You nodded. “Yes, I did.” 

Ajax chuckled. “Ah, so you must remember about the time I met that traveler, right? Two of ‘em, the traveler and a little… fairy girl. Challenged them both to a fight, but the traveler was awfully strong. Impressed me a lot, and I had to use my Foul Legacy Transformation.” 

“I never read anything about that.” You hadn’t received any letters concerning a traveler and a fairy, but you knew the kind of toll that transformation had on his body. You looked up from your lap, where your hands lay fiddling their fingers, and at him. In that instance, the exhaustion written on his face was so evident and you knew just how much he’d been through. 

You moved closer to him, though with caution, but when your hand came to rest upon his shoulder in attempts to comfort him, he winced at your touch. Then, you knew just exactly how much he had been hurting— physically, at least. Childe knew you would never come to understand the yearning he had gone through in the time he was away from you. Time and time again, being seduced by his unruly subordinates, he pushed them all away, only keeping you in his heart. You’re all he could ever want. 

He was so vulnerable under your fingertips, and it reminded you of all the times he was able to shed a single tear in your arms, to let you run your fingers through his hair, everything. You thought you wanted to cry with how fragile he seems to be. So, you pressed a kiss down on his shoulder. It’s light, and it’s airy, and it resembled the fluttering of your heart. 

Again, you looked up at him. He had a dark gaze, but he’s always had that kind of stare, but you could tell that in the depth of those blue eyes he was quietly pleading for you to heal him, even if just by means of those light, peppered kisses. You brought his hand to your lips, pressing them against each of their knuckles. They were no longer kisses. Rather, they were the press of your lips against his skin, the physical touch being all that you could muster in yourself to tell him, “I missed you very much.”

Maybe if rocks can be eroded down into pebbles, those same pebbles can be made into a statue built over time. Even if a tiny one at that, you think that with every day Ajax has returned home, you could rebuild your love for him. 

[eleanorbloom]

Marry My Lover (Bryce x Eleanor Proposal Headcanon)

A/N: Well, I thought I wouldn't do it because I was too invested with this fic, but I've been thinking adult life is so fucking hard that maybe I'll never find the time and inspo to finish this fic, so... well, why not realease it to the world as headcanon/very-poorly-written-fic. If later I find the inspo, maybe I'll write it, maybe not, but I think posting this will lift a heavy weight off me.

Please forgive me my grammar mistakes and poor english, I mean, I know it's not poor, but I went really basic here, other way I would've never finished writing this lol

Tagging my WYR readers, in case you're interested in reading this @curiousconch @romereadingshop @utterlyinevitable @lahellacute @chocopeppermintcake

Also this is sumbission for @openheartfanfics Weekly Trope Challenge, week 2: Weddings & Proposals (@openheartheadcanons)

Marry My Lover

Bryce had wanted to propose to Eleanor for a while, considering both spontaneous and prepared ways to do it.

One of the first ideas was proposing on a visit to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, as it was the place of their first date. But none of their shifts let them assist for a couple of weeks, so he decided to look for something less complicated.

As he saw their annual meeting with the gang was coming, he decided he would propose on that occasion. Surrounded by friends, the people who helped them get together and supported them in the most difficult times both personally and as a couple.

So he would propose at Donahue’s. With a song, no less. Marry Me by Bruno Mars. A cheerful song, Eleanor loved Bruno Mars and simply matched with the tone he wanted to have on the proposal. Happy and spectacular. He wanted to make her feel the luckiest, most loved woman on earth.

So when he decided what he would do, he shared the news with Sienna so she could help him orchestrate the event. He would arrive a bit later than Eleanor, Sienna would keep her distracted, and then whoop, Bryce would appear at the center of the bar singing the song.

On the day of the meeting, Bryce was in the locker room when he received a text from Sienna: “All set, B! We’re waiting for you”. He breathed deeply, excited and a bit nervous at the same time.

They had talked about marriage, about a life together thousands of times, but it was different just taking the step and doing it, of proposing marriage. Marriage. Damn.

But at the same time, it was just a confirmation of the love they had for each other. Their love that had grown exponentially, to unknown highs and depths in the three years they had been together, and he was sure that their love would keep growing and getting stronger with each day.

After getting ready, he texted Keiki: “Hey Keiks, are you there already?” “Oh, yeah, hidden in the parking lot, super spy.” “Awesome, I’m coming out of the locker room I’ll be there in five” “Okay”

Bryce didn’t want her to miss it for the world. Keiki would kill him if he let that happen. Luckily for both Bryce and Keiki, she was studying close to home, more than close. Cambridge. BS in Physics at MIT, so as she was living just a few minutes away from Boston, they saw each other pretty regularly, once a week or once every two weeks depending on how busy the three were.

Keiki was excited about it, but there was just this strange smirk on her. Bryce thought it was just the fact that her brother would propose to Eleanor at last.

Once at the bar, he greeted their friends, Elijah, coming from Chicago, Jackie, from Baltimore, and Sienna coming from New York. Aurora was the only one living in Boston, working at Brigham and Women’s Hospital as attending and part of the new Diagnostic Team there.

Everyone was happy but at the same time with this strange smirk, like they were hiding something.

“And Elle?” he asked.

A few moments after the question was made, a guitar started to play. He looked at the center of the bar, and found Eleanor, on a yellow dress, and matched hatband playing guitar and singing: We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January And this is our place, we make the rules And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

Bryce couldn’t believe his eyes. His ears. His skin. How a shiver ran down his spine, making tingle every inch of him; how his stomach fluttered at the sight of her there, beautiful and singing and… Surprising him.

It was Lover by Taylor Swift, because, how not, his girlfriend was a Swiftie since High School, so once a Swiftie, always a Swiftie.

Bryce knew almost every song of the last two albums she had released in the last couple of years because they had blasted the speakers of their home for weeks. Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever, ah Take me out, and take me home You're my, my, my, my lover

After singing the chorus, Eleanor handed the guitar to Rafael, who continued with the melody, and took the mic in one hand, singing the second verse as she started walking slowly towards him. We could let our friends crash in the living room This is our place, we make the call She took his hand on hers and softly pulled him to the center of the bar

And when Eleanor sang “And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you”, both chuckled knowingly, because they knew how true that was, wherever he goes, he enchants.

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

It had been three summers indeed and nor he or she couldn’t imagine a summer without each other.

Eleanor kept singing, every word with meaning, it was like the song was written for them, especially “I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover” Because who else on this planet was a magnetic force but him?

Bryce was beaming the whole song, smiling, laughing, biting his lip, showing how happy, flattered, incredulous and in love he was.

He couldn’t believe his luck. To this day, after more than three years, sometimes he still couldn’t believe he had the chance to love so much and be so loved. So happy, so free, so understood. And he would probably live this luck, this love, forever and ever with her.

When the song ended, Eleanor took out something from the pocket of her yellow dress. A velvet box. When she opened it, a silver ring with a diamond at the center shined under the multicolor lights of the bar. Eleanor took his hand in hers and kissed his knuckles softly before asking: “Bryce Lahela, mi amor, we both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. In these three years you have made me nothing but happy. The happiest luckiest woman alive. I want that for the rest of our lives. Would you marry me?”

“Yes,” he said, eyes sparkling, shining so bright with emotions, with love, with adoration, with happiness, “Yes, babe, yes! The only thing I want is to spend the rest of my life with you!”

Everyone cheered, Sienna was crying, Kyra too, and even Keiki had shed a tear.

Eleanor put a ring on his finger and both kissed sweetly in the middle of the bar.

After a few moments, Bryce kissed her hand and chuckled, “Well, now it’s my turn.”

Eleanor stared confused at him, and when she heard him shouting “Música maestro!” she understood.

Eleanor couldn't believe it either. When the notes of Marry Me by Bruno Mars started playing, she covered her mouth with her hands just like Cecilia Bolocco when she won Miss Universe in 1986. “No way, love!” she squealed.

After a few verses, Bryce took her hand and turned her to the wall, where a video was playing. Videos of colleagues, nurses, even patients, with thumbs up singing along “Don't say no, no, no, no, no, Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah” Then, her parents showed up in the video, beaming as they sang along too. Even her grandparents from Chile, Ricardo and Ofelia, appeared in the video asking the same.” “Oh my god,” Eleanor couldn't hold it anymore and simply let the tears fall. Tears of joy, of happiness.

Then Bryce started to walk around the bar, singing with a persuasive tone, asking the patrons to join him in his singing, as if he had to convince her to marry him. Friendly patrons would nod and show their thumbs up and sing along for a couple of seconds.

Once the song ended, Bryce bend on one knee and took the velvet box out of the pocket of his pants, where a beautiful rose gold ring was there, with a round diamond at the center and smaller at the sides. “Well, you won me. This was my idea too, but you were faster, or maybe you had friends who took your side and decided to help you instead of me.” Everyone chuckled. “Or maybe she just asked before you did,” Jackie teased. “Either way, I’m honored and flattered, but I couldn’t miss the opportunity to propose to you. I mean, I’ve dreamed about this day practically since I met you.” “Awww, mi amor.” “I want all summers with you and all winters, especially winters so you can keep me warm on snowy nights.” Eleanor giggled, her eyes full of tenderness, “Of course, my love. Summer, fall, winter, spring, all of the seasons and all of the years I have left on this planet.” “Good. And you, Eleanor Andrea Bloom, would you marry me?” “Yes, my love, mi amor, sí, sí, yes!” Bryce put the ring on her finger, and again, people cheered and clapped. Keiki and Jackie whistled.

When Bryce and Eleanor got off the stage, the gang approached them, filling them with congratulations and hugs, and just love for the happy, recently-engaged couple. they disclosed how everything had happened -Eleanor indeed had asked help first, she had been practicing guitar for more than a month with the help of Rafael.

After a while, Bryce took Eleanor’s hand and led her to a quiet place so they could have a moment for themselves. They smiled and laughed without saying anything, still processing what had happened and trying to understand the happiness they were feeling. their hearts were simply overflowing with happiness and love. “You know? I can say people, mostly women, have asked me a lot of things in my life, some of them shocking, some of them rather cute, but never had a woman proposing to me, so this is a first. You're definitely a keeper.” “Oh, that's why you're agreeing to marry me?” she asked, feigning offense. “One of the four hundred million reasons, babe.” Eleanor smiled pensively, earnest, “You deserve everything, my love, everything. And that includes being proposed, because, damn, we’re too far from gender stereotypes and toxic masculinity.” “I agree.” “And because I really wanted you to know that I wanna marry you, and spend the rest of my life with you, just as much as you do.”

Completely spellbound by the sincerity of her love, now and always, Bryce simply bit his lip and leaned to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

There was nothing else to do but be happy.

____

Ps: Here pics of Bryce and Eleanor engagement rings. I had the idea of a collage, but it would've also taken me a day to finish it, lol sorry

Thank you for reading! ❤

[psalloacappella]

SSM21 Day 2. Festival

Pairing:  SasuSaku  Prompt: Festival  Title:  sparks will fly, they ignite our bones Tags:  AU - Modern Setting; First Dates; Wooing Lips burning against his, mouthing soft words in the detonation din.

(In which Sakura has the better aim.)

Ao3 | twt | full series link | @ssskmonth

“It’sa real date this time.” Each word’s punctuated by Naruto’s fist punching his opposite palm, driving home the importance of this. This being:  Street stall smells rich and piquant, a smoky-savory blend; lights flickering in kaleidoscopic, neurotic brilliance; children wild as free foals escaping their parents, weaving in and out of adults’ legs clutching cheap prizes and sparklers —

and him, Sasuke, on an actual fucking date with a woman with cotton-candy-colored locks who has been besting him every game and measure of skill imaginable, and his dumb plus-one buffer, the best friend, now droning on about how he needs to win her something.

“Anything!” Naruto throws his arms up, dramatic and exasperated, the only gearsetting he seems to have. “Teddy bear, ugly fish, keychain — literally any shitty prize to show her yer not a complete waste of time.”

“Sasuke!” Both men snap to, pretending to have been watching the whole time as Sakura jumps up and down, pumping a fist in the air. “I won again!”

With shiny, wide eyes, she places both her palms out in giddy anticipation to receive a stuffed bear donning a baseball cap of the local (terrible) team from a surly booth operator with a permanent frown.

“She’s comin’ this way!”

“I can see that,” Sasuke hisses. “You useless idiot.”

“Did I hear ‘charming wingman?’ ‘Kay, I’m gonna find some food. Give you two some time—”

“Don’t say it—”

“Alone.” Some strange tone aiming for sensual manifests as choking pigeon, and Naruto skips away as Sakura bounds up to Sasuke, smiling so wide he can see every perfect tooth.

“Did you see?” So proud of herself, arms laden with prizes. Some she’s already given away to cute children passing by, perhaps the sole supplier of noisemakers and soft bears. For a doctor in pediatrics, the urge to make smiles comes second nature. “Where’s he going?”

“Food, or something,” Sasuke murmurs, trying not to look as constipated and irritated as he had ten minutes prior — another gem from Naruto’s unasked-for criticism. “He’s left us alone.”

“Finally.” Definitely slipped out by accident, and Sakura grumbles over her mistake, red prickling her cheeks and chest. “Not that I dislike him, of course—”

“I do,” Sasuke says, absolutely deadpan. It takes her a moment.

“Uchiha Sasuke, did you just make your first joke?”

Ears burning in the cool night air, it’s his turn to smother his embarrassment. In lieu of further slip ups, he awkwardly gathers the items in her arms, a mishmash of unidentified thingamajigs and whatnots that you only find in curio shops or carnivals, and gallantly takes on their burden.

“Walk with me?”

So sure his voicebox just sustained a hairline crack; he hates himself for being nervous.

Eyes, hers, brighter than all the psychedelic frenzy swirling around them both, caught up in the haze; she has the uncanny ability to fade the rest to black, toss the entirety of the world’s existence aside.

Seeking to link her arm with his amid the mess of wares won, she succeeds and presses closer.

“I thought I’d die waiting,” she whispers into his sleeve. “I’ve been wanting you to notice me properly all night.”

Meandering, conjoined, down the main road; carved out for the celebration, buffeted by snack scents and other couples, groups of friends, and plenty of pairs pretending they’re still just and only that. Along the way she unloads her many winnings, surreptitious, in part kindly trying to relieve his burden but also calculating the space in her single occupancy apartment.

She watches people and lights, and he watches her.

Sakura’s gaze snags on a particular booth, more specifically a particular prize. Of the stuffed variety.

“Did . . .  something catch your eye?” he asks. Immediately thinks he sounds like an idiot. You know how to woo ‘em, and why does his inner voice sound like Naruto’s on this date, goddamn it —

Burying her cheek into his shoulder, she giggles and it threads beautiful, stringed tension in his throat and spine, symphonic, testing its own flex to see if she can orchestrate the rest of him. He wishes he could spin her around, lift her high in some filmesque climax, kiss her in the closing credits.

“Don’t laugh,” she says, “but I love slugs. Adore them, really. Gross, I know!” She raises her free hand and points directly at a giant stuffed slug on a high shelf behind the booth’s counter. “And honestly, I’d likely keep it in my office; the kids would love it.”

Sasuke knows, from what she’s disclosed, that these are sick kids, too. This ancient, gendered mating ritual is unavoidable and he’ll have to rise to the challenge. He must provide. Stupid, because she outstrips his earnings and likely will the rest of their life.

Says it like a throwaway, like no big deal:  “I’ll have to win it for you, then.”

The game? Aim. Darts. Doable if he’s sober and with equally (un)talented friends; ranging from Shino the sharpshooter to drunk and stumbling Suigetsu, he’s decidedly somewhere in the middle, but it should be enough raw talent to beat a festival game.

Sakura’s eyes are on him, excited. She dances a little from foot to foot, ready to cheer him on.

Dropping the rest of the prizes on the ground and shoving a fistful of coins at the booth operator, he smirks. Born ready, all those forced childhood sports camps and instrument lessons finessing his hand-eye coordination finally stepping up to the plate.

Imagine failing miserably three rounds in a row, the last one bouncing off the dartboard so violently it narrowly misses the sleepy booth operator. Sasuke grinds his teeth, jaw tight, wishing it’d met its mark.

To Sakura’s credit, she’s completely unperturbed. Almost makes it worse.

She pecks him on the cheek, scoring him through hot and fevered where her lips touch.

“Performance anxiety,” she quips, but her smile isn’t unkind. “Let me give it a try.”

Each dart that lands in the board does so with gusto, embeds itself deep into the sisal cork. As each one hits, Sasuke reflects they might as well be piercing him. The most painful blow is watching her indicate the bluebacked slug, winning it outright without his help, and squeezing it half to death in her arms.

They’re walking again, sans the rest of her prizes — left them for the booth operator, and whatever kids wander his way wanting toys with which to annoy their parents.

“You’ve been so quiet,” she says, shifting her slug under one arm and linking up with him again.  Sasuke shrugs against her. “I’m not sure what’s next with us.”

 He stops, figures it’s better to rip that bandaid off now, give her an out so he can save some face. Of course they’ve stopped on some coquettishly romantic bridge, arched over the still summer pond, a popular viewing spot for the night’s end fireworks.

She watches him expectantly, searching him with her sharp green eyes.

“What do you mean?” Her question is slow, puzzled.

What he means to say is something gentile. Instead he says, “You’re great at darts.”

She seems to sway, a physical manifestation of being caught off guard. Laughs. “Surprised me too! But you gave my arms a rest, so they were ready to win.” Curls her arm to indicate muscle, grinning.

Steps closer, melting through an unseen veil of personal space. Cherry scent; smoke.

“Could be all the shots you administer.”

“I guess we can call jabbing kids with needles a calling.” Mirroring him, she steps in too, and there’s not so much space between them anymore. “Good practice. You could come around sometime, see my work.”

Another tiny shuffle.

It’s time to break this. Sasuke inhales deeply, letting it out in measured beats. “Sakura—”

“If you’re mad you couldn’t win this for me,” she interrupts, “you’re being silly. I don’t care about that, you know.”

He tilts his head, and in spite of himself his hand wanders, brushing a stray strand of pink out of her face. “Hm?”

“I don’t,” she repeats, and sets her slug down on the wooden bridge. Breathes deeply before saying in a low, threaded voice, “What I care about is all the waiting.”

Sasuke feels it all fall into place. Oh. Oh.

“So come on, Sasuke.”

And before she’s even finished saying his name he’s kissing her, the last vibrations of his name caught on their lips, locked, and though the timing is perfect and picturesque, film archetype material as the fireworks charge the air around them, each one set off drawing ripple designs in the water beneath them, this thrill is unmatched, the way she wraps her arm around his neck to taste him deeper, the way he lifts her up to rest him on his hips and there’s nothing, has never been anything, quite like this.

Real fireworks pale in comparison.

Lips burning against his, mouthing soft words in the detonation din.

“The perfect end,” she whispers, “to a festival.”

[lovemesomehwa]

Come To Brazil

Shoyo Hinata

After hearing that the Greatest Decoy had trained in her home country, Y/N just had to find out what his experience was.

Based on: Come To Brazil - Why Don't We

Warnings- cursing, implied nsfw, she/her pronouns

a/n: This took way too long to finish, but I'm back ! This is the first fic I'm basing off a song so I'd highly recommend giving it a listen as you read <3

They were gorgeous, beautiful even. The red sequins sparkled in the light every time they moved. I didn’t notice how revealing it was until they sat down, the low cut complementing their build. I could tell they were nervous, but I couldn’t tell what for. I wasn’t one to talk though, my senses were on fire, leaving me a bit overwhelmed.

I don’t usually tag along on these things, especially not when Atsumu has anything to do with it. But tonight was an exception since it was his birthday. I told myself I was ready but in all honesty, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for this. The music was so loud I swear I felt the house shake. It was packed wall to wall with people, most I didn’t even know he knew. I didn’t even know them and we’ve been teammates for years.

Somehow I made it into one of the less crowded rooms, one of the waiting staff handing me a glass of liquor as soon as I came through the doorway. This one held a different vibe than the others, the music not as loud and you could actually see the floor. It looked like a lounge, the dark velvet couches pushed against the wall making it seem larger than it was. Curtains and solid tapestries covered every inch of wall available. I looked around, trying to find somewhere to sit that wasn’t already taken. Luckily there was a corner piece available that gave me a good view of the room. I took a deep breath and took a sip from my glass, starting to get anxious. I wasn’t one for crowds but one night couldn’t hurt right?

(Y/N) pov.

“Wait really?”

“Yea, he trained there for two years before joining the team. Pretty sure ya would like him, he’s yer type too…” I looked up at Atsumu, eager to learn more about his teammate. “Pretty sure he’s here if ya want to talk to ‘em.” He turned around, his attention shifting onto the next person. I scrunched my nose and walked off, wanting to find this ‘decoy’ ‘Tsumu was talking about. Something about Brazil had piqued my interest in him.

I pushed through the crowd, stumbling a bit from being pushed around. It took four rooms and one awkward intrusion before I finally found him in the lounge. It was definitely less crowded but there was still a good number of people. He seemed unbothered, taking a sip from his glass as he put away his phone and looked up. I made my way over, narrowly avoiding an elbow or two.

“Hinata right?” I spoke up, looking down at him. He smiled brightly and nodded, his mood seeming to change. This wasn’t my first time seeing him, he’s been on countless magazine covers and all over Atsumu’s page; but It was my first time up close. I finally understood why everyone compared him to sunshine. He truly was a ball of light, what with those wide eyes and bright smile, I felt like my heart skipped a beat just from looking at him. I couldn’t help but notice how nicely he cleaned up. His hair was gelled and swooped back, accentuating a fresh looking undercut. The white button up certainly made him stand out against the room's darker colors. I sat down next to him, adjusting my own clothes out of habit.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I flashed a smile, shaking my head.

“Afraid not, I’m one of Atsumu’s friends.” I laughed nervously, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “He was telling me about how you trained for a while in Brazil and since that's where I’m from I wanted to ask you a few questions-if that’s alright with you…”

“No no no, of course it’s okay! I’m actually quite interested in your experience now!” He shifted to face me, accidentally bumping our knees.

Hinata pov.

They were gorgeous, beautiful even. The red sequins sparkled in the light everytime they moved. I didn’t notice how revealing it was until they sat down, the low cut complementing their build. I could tell they were nervous, but I couldn’t tell what for. I wasn’t one to talk though, my senses were on fire, leaving me a bit overwhelmed.

made me more anxious than I already was. I took another sip from my glass, hoping it’ll give me some liquid courage. I felt my throat burn with the aftertaste, making me scrunch my nose.

“So, you first, what do you wanna know?” I looked over at them, locking our gaze.

“Well, what made you choose Brazil in the first place?” I grinned, happy to answer.

“It honestly wasn’t my first choice, initially I had wanted to go to California so I could learn to play on the sand. But I got an offer from a trainer who said he was based in Rio. Next thing I know I’m boarding a plane with nothing but a backpack and my passport!” I explained, chuckling at the memory.

“Woah, that’s so cool! You must’ve had so many offers from professionals who wanted to train right?” Their eyes shone with curiosity. I don’t think they did it on purpose but they got a bit closer, leaning in like it was an interrogation. I rubbed the back of my neck, gulping nervously.

“Well-not really, I didn’t have too many but I was grateful for the ones I did receive. I think one of my favorite things about my training there was how much time I was able to spend outside. The sun there is just so much more intense, it's honestly insane. I did get heat stroke during the first few days though. That was not fun.” I glanced to the side, trying to calm my sudden spike in nerves.

“I’m sure, did you get any sunburns?” They tilted her head, smiling. I nodded, humming and swirling my glass to make a whirlpool effect.

“Oh yeah, definitely.” She didn’t respond after that, instead she looked away. I couldn’t help but stare, admiring the stray hairs that refused to be pinned down. The way the gloss made her lips shine. I had to tear away my gaze before she caught me, but I couldn’t bring myself to. It felt like I was trapped, almost in a trance. It felt like a while had passed before she finally spoke up, turning back to me.

“Do you wanna dance or are you just gonna stare...?” I could feel my face warm up from being caught.

“I- sure…” She smiled, standing up and holding out a hand. I took it and pulled myself up, letting her guide me to the dance floor. I downed the rest of my drink while she led, hoping it would take the edge off. I blinked a few times, not expecting it to be that strong. I set the glass on a staff tray as we passed, not needing it anymore.

She ended up taking me through a couple different rooms before she found one she was satisfied with, if I didn’t know any better I would assume the house was just one giant maze. I couldn’t see much from where we were in the crowd but it was definitely hotter. The lights would alternate between blue, green, and red; similar to the lighting you would find at a rave. The room itself was hot, the temperature definitely warmer than the one we talked in.

We were awkward at first, trying to loosen up was harder than it looked. Whether or not it was the alcohol kicking in or not, I felt bolder, finally able to let go.

(Y/N) pov.

As we danced it felt like the rest of the world melted away, leaving just the two of us. The music was loud, but not as loud as my heart beat thumping in my ear. It only seemed to get faster as time went on, the bass on the speakers making the floor shake. The ghost of his touch left me with goosebumps and a feeling I couldn’t quite shake. I closed my eyes and put my hands up, letting my body move on it's own. In hindsight, that might not have been the best idea, but we were both comfortable enough at this point. When I opened my eyes we were noticeably closer, hardly any space between us as we moved in sync. I smiled at him, his eyes shining back in what little light reached us.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was music, or maybe it was how I wanted to know what he felt like against me. I dunno how it happened, but there we were, skin to skin in the middle of the dance floor with his lips on mine.

I looped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as I felt his hands drift lower on my waist. Our lips moved in sync as our bodies swayed, keeping with the tempo of the music that's just now starting to fade back in. Everything suddenly came to focus once I felt a cold slick down my back. I pulled away instantly, suddenly sober. I turned around, coming face to face with Atsumu while a disheveled Hinata stood behind me.

"You asshat, what was that for?!" The asshat in question laughed, swirling a clear glass filled with ice and what I had assumed was alcohol.

"Ya two were maken' a scene, if yer gonna kiss, do it in a bathroom or at least not in the middle of my floor!" Atsumu disclosed, smiling smugly and strutting off into the crowd. I turned back to the small ginger and smiled upon seeing his eyes quickly look up from where they were.

"You up for round two?" I ventured carefully. He grinned and grabbed my hand, nimbly leading me as we bobbed and weaved our way back through the dance floor, headed toward what I could only guess was one of the bathrooms.

I stared at myself in the mirror, smoothing out my clothes as if I wasn't just on my knees. Hinata watched as I fixed myself, slightly dizzy. I grinned, eyeing him as he sat, legs still spread from where I had been not five minutes ago. I hesitated before asking him a question as he fixed his hair.

"You got a pen?" He looked at me quizzically before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a green ink joy pen. "Hand please~" I took his wrist and turned it over, writing my number on it in thick green ink. He took it back and read the numbers, mumbling them under his breath.

"What's this for…?" He asked, tilting his head. I couldn't help but giggle at his stupidity.

"It's my number idiot, call me if you're ever back in Brazil. That way we can do this again sometime…" I ruffled his hair before unlocking the door and stepping through. "Maybe then you'll get a real welcome~"

[silvokrent]

RWBY Character Analysis: Pietro and Penny Polendina

Up until now I’ve been keeping quiet about my opinions on the newest volume, in no small part because my personal life has been one absurd setback after another, and I haven’t had the energy to engage in fandom meta. If you do want to know what my current opinion of RWBY is, go over to @itsclydebitches blog, search through her #rwby-recaps tag, and read every single one. At this point, her metas are basically an itemized list of all my grievances with the show. I highly recommend you check ’em out.

Or, if you don’t feel like reading several hours’ worth of recaps, then go find a sheet of paper, give yourself a papercut, and then squeeze a lemon into it. That should give you an accurate impression of my feelings.

In truth, I have a lot to say about the show, particularly how I think CRWBY has mishandled the plot, characters, tone, and intended message of their series. And while I enjoy dissecting RWBY with what amounts to mad scientist levels of glee, I think plenty of other folks have already discussed V7′s and V8′s various issues in greater depth and with far more eloquence. Any contribution I could theoretically make at this point would be somewhat redundant.

That being said, I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while, which (to my knowledge) no one else in the fandom has brought up. (And feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.)

Today’s topic of concern is Pietro Polendina, and his relationship with Penny.

And because I’m absolutely certain this post is going to be controversial and summon anonymous armchair critics to fill my inbox with sweary claptrap, I may as well just come out and say it:

Pietro Polendina, as he’s currently portrayed in the show, is an inherently abusive parental figure.

Let me take a second to clarify that I don’t think it was RWBY’s intention to portray Pietro that way. Much like other aspects of the show, a lot of nuance is often lost when discussing the difference between intention versus implementation, or telling versus showing. It’s what happens when a writer tries to characterize a person one way, but in execution portrays them in an entirely different light. Compounding this problem is what feels like a series of rather myopic writing decisions that started as early as Volume 2, concerning Penny’s sense of agency, and how the canon would bear out the implications of an autonomous being grappling with her identity. It’s infuriating that the show has spent seven seasons staunchly refusing to ask any sort of ethical questions surrounding her existence, only to then—with minimal setup—give us Pietro’s “heartfelt” emotional breakdown when he has to choose between “saving” Penny or “sacrificing” her for the greater good.

Yeah, no thanks.

If we want to talk about why this moment read as hollow and insincere, we need to first make sure everyone’s on the same page.

Spoilers for V8.E5 - “Amity.” Let’s not waste any time.

In light of the newest episode and its—shall we say—questionable implications, I figured now was the best time to bring it up while the thoughts were still fresh in my mind. (Because nothing generates momentum quite like frothing-at-the-mouth rage.)

The first time we’re told anything about Pietro, it comes from an exchange between Penny and Ruby. From V2.E2 - “A Minor Hiccup.”

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much. He just worries a lot.

Ruby: Believe me, I know the feeling. But why not let us know you were okay?

Penny: I…was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn’t my father.

The scene immediately diverts our attention to a public unveiling of the AK-200. A hologram of James Ironwood is presenting this newest model of Atlesian Knight to a crowd of enthusiastic spectators, along with the Atlesian Paladin, a piloted mech. During the demonstration, James informs his audience that Atlas’ military created them with the intent of removing people from the battlefield and mitigating casualties (presumably against Grimm).

Penny is quickly spotted by several soldiers, and flees. Ruby follows, and in the process the two are nearly hit by a truck. Penny’s display of strength draws a crowd and prompts her to retreat into an alley, where Ruby learns that Penny isn’t “a real girl.”

This scene continues in the next episode, “Painting the Town…”

Penny: Most girls are born, but I was made. I’m the world’s first synthetic person capable of generating an Aura. [Averts her gaze.] I’m not real…

After Ruby assures her that no, you don’t have to be organic in order to have personhood, Penny proceeds to hug her with slightly more force than necessary.

Ruby: [Muffled noise of pain.] I can see why your father would want to protect such a delicate flower!

Penny: [Releases Ruby.] Oh, he’s very sweet! My father’s the one that built me! I’m sure you would love him.

Ruby: Wow. He built you all by himself?

Penny: Well, almost! He had some help from Mr. Ironwood.

Ruby: The general? Wait, is that why those soldiers were after you?

Penny: They like to protect me, too!

Ruby: They don't think you can protect yourself?

Penny: They're not sure if I'm ready yet. One day, it will be my job to save the world, but I still have a lot left to learn. That's why my father let me come to the Vytal Festival. I want to see what it's like in the rest of the world, and test myself in the Tournament.

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of the approaching soldiers from earlier. Despite Ruby’s protests, Penny proceeds to yeet her into the nearby dumpster, all while reassuring her that it’s to keep Ruby out of trouble, not her. When the soldiers arrive, they ask her if she’s okay, then proceed to lightly scold her for causing a scene. Penny’s told that her father “isn’t going to be happy about this,” and is then politely asked (not ordered; asked) to let them escort her back.

Let’s take a second to break down these events.

When these two episodes first aired, the wording and visuals (“No, it wasn’t my father,” followed by the cutaway to James unveiling the automatons) implied that James was the one forbidding her from interacting with other people. It’s supposed to make you think that James is being restrictive and harsh, while Pietro is meant as a foil—the sweet, but cautious father figure. But here’s the thing: both of these depictions are inaccurate, and frankly, Penny’s the one at fault here. Penny blew her cover within minutes of interacting with Ruby—a scenario that Penny was responsible for because she was sneaking off without permission. Penny is a classified, top-secret military project, as made clear by the fact that she begs Ruby to not say anything to anyone. Penny is in full acknowledgement that her existence, if made public, could cause massive issues for her (something that she’s clearly experienced before, if her line, “You’re taking this extraordinarily well,” is anything to go by).

But here’s the thing—keeping Penny on a short leash wasn’t a unilateral decision made by James. That was Pietro’s choice as well. “My father asked me not to venture out too far,” “Your father isn’t going to be happy about this”—as much as this scene is desperately trying to put the onus on James for Penny’s truant behavior, Pietro canonically shares that blame. And Penny (to some extent) is in recognition of the fact that she did something wrong.

Back in Volumes 1 – 3, before the series butchered James’ characterization, these moments were meant as pretty clever examples of foreshadowing and subverting the controlling-military-general trope. This scene is meant to illustrate that yes, Penny is craving social interaction outside of military personnel as a consequence of being hidden, but that hiding her is also a necessity. It’s a complicated situation with no easy answer, but it’s also something of a necessary evil (as Penny’s close call with the truck and her disclosing that intel to Ruby are anything to go by).

Let’s skip ahead to Volume 7, shortly after Watts tampered with the drone footage and framed her for several deaths. In V7.E7 - “Worst Case Scenario,” a newscaster informs us that people in Atlas and Mantle want Penny to be deactivated, despite James’ insistence that the footage was doctored and Penny didn’t go on a killing spree. The public’s unfavorable opinion of Penny—a sentiment that Jacques of all people embodies when he brings it up in V7.E8—reinforces V2’s assessment of why keeping her secret was necessary. Not only is her existence controversial because Aura research is still taboo, but people are afraid that a mechanical person with military-grade hardware could be hacked and weaponized against them. (Something which Volume 8 actually validates when James has Watts take control of her in the most recent episode.)

But I digress.

We’re taken to Pietro’s lab, where Penny is hooked up to some sort of recharge/docking station. Ruby, Weiss, and Maria look on in concern while the machine is uploading the visual data from her systems. There’s one part of their conversation I want to focus on in particular:

Pietro: When the general first challenged us to find the next breakthrough in defense technology, most of my colleagues pursued more obvious choices. I was one of the few who believed in looking inward for inspiration.

Ruby: You wanted a protector with a soul.

Pietro: I did. And when General Ironwood saw her, he did too. Much to my surprise, the Penny Project was chosen over all the other proposals.

Allow me to break down their conversation so we can fully appreciate what he’s actually saying.

The Penny Project was picked as the candidate for the next breakthrough in defense technology.

Pietro wanted a protector with a SOUL.

In RWBY, Aura and souls are one of the defining characteristics of personhood. Personhood is central to Penny’s identity and internal conflict (particularly when we consider that she’s based on Pinocchio). That’s why Penny accepts Ruby’s reassurances that she’s a real person. That’s why she wants to have emotional connections with others.

What makes that revelation disturbing is when you realize that Pietro knowingly created a child soldier.

Look, there’s no getting around this. Pietro fully admits that he wanted to create a person—a human being—a fucking child—as a "defense technology” to throw at the Grimm (and by extension, Salem). Everything, from the language he uses, to the mere fact that he entered Penny in the Vytal Tournament as a proving ground where she could “test [her]self,” tells us that he either didn’t consider or didn’t care about the implications behind his proposal.

When you break it all down, this is what we end up with:

“Hey, I have an idea: Why don’t we make a person, cram as many weapons as we can fit into that person, and then inform her every day for the rest of her life that she was built for the sole purpose of fighting monsters, just so we don’t have to risk the lives of others. Let’s then take away anything remotely resembling autonomy, minimize her interactions with people, and basically indoctrinate her into thinking that this is something she wants for herself. Oh, and in case she starts to raise objections, remind her that I donated part of my soul to her. If we make her feel guilty about this generous sacrifice I made so she could have the privilege of existing, she won’t question our motives. Next, let’s give her a taste of freedom by having her fight in a gladiatorial blood sport so that we can prove our child soldier is an effective killer. And then, after she’s brutally murdered on international television, we can rebuild her and assign her to protecting an entire city that’s inherently prejudiced against her, all while I brood in my lab about how sad I am.”

Holy fuck. Watts might be a morally bankrupt asshole, but at least his proposal didn’t hinge on manufacturing state-of-the-art living weapons. They should have just gone with his idea.

(Which, hilariously enough, they did. Watts is the inventor of the Paladins—Paladins which, I’ll remind you, were invented so the army could remove people from the battlefield. You know, people. Kind of like what Penny is.)

Do you see why this entire scene might have pissed me off? Even if the show didn’t intend for any of this to be the case, when you think critically about the circumstances there’s no denying the tacit implications.

To reiterate, V8.E5 is the episode where Pietro says, and I quote:

“I don’t care about the big picture! I care about my daughter! I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.”

Oh, yeah? And what life is that? The one where she’s supposed to kill Grimm and literally nothing else? You do realize that she died specifically because you made her for the purpose of fighting, right?

No one, literally no one, was holding a gun to Pietro’s head and telling him that he had to build a living weapon. That was his idea. He chose to do that.

Remember when Cinder said, “I don’t serve anyone! And you wouldn’t either, if you weren’t built that way.” She…basically has a point. Penny has never been given the option to explore the world in a capacity where she wasn’t charged with defending it by her father. We know she doesn’t have many friends, courtesy of Ironwood dissuading her against it in V7. But I’m left with the troubling realization that the show (and the fandom), in their crusade to vilify James, are ignoring the fact that Pietro is also complicit in this behavior by virtue of being her creator. If we condemn the man that prevents Penny from having relationships, then what will we do to the man who forced her into that existence in the first place?

Being her “father” has given him a free pass to overlook the ethics of having a child who was created with a pre-planned purpose. How the hell did the show intend for Pietro to reconcile “I want you to live your life” with “I created you so you’d spend your life defending the world”? It viscerally reminds me of the sort of narcissistic parents who have kids because they want to pass on the family name, or continue their bloodline, or have live-in caregivers when they get older, only on a larger and much more horrific scale. And that’s fucked up.

Now, I’m not saying I’m against having a conflict like this in the show. In fact, I’d love to have a character who has to grapple with her own humanity while questioning the environment she grew up in. Penny is a character who is extremely fascinating because of all the potential she represents—a young woman who through a chance encounter befriends a group of strangers, and over time, is exposed to freedoms and friendships she was previously denied. Slowly, she begins to unlearn the mindset she was indoctrinated with, and starts to petition for agency and autonomy. Pietro is forced to confront the fact that what he did was traumatic and cruel, and that his love for her doesn’t erase the harm he unintentionally subjected her to, nor does it change the fact that he knowingly burdened a person with a responsibility she never consented to. There’s a wealth of character growth and narrative payoff buried here, but like most things in RWBY, it was either underdeveloped or not thought through all the way.

The wholesome father-daughter relationship the show wants Pietro and Penny to have is fundamentally contradicted by the nature of her existence, and the fact that no one (besides the villains) calls attention to it. I’d love for them to have that sort of dynamic, but the show had to do more to earn it. Instead, it’ll forever be another item on RWBY’s ever-growing list of disappointments—

Because Pietro’s remorse is more artificial than Penny could ever hope to be.

[stoweboyd]

Tumblr Futures and the Newsletter Revolution

Tumblr could be a platform for newsletter writers and other creators

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

I've been using Tumblr fairly consistently for many years, here at stoweboyd.com and on other blogs, like workfutures.org. I think I moved to Tumblr sometime in 2007, importing materials I had managed previously on Typepad and Blogger. At any rate, I now have over 14,000 posts here, and (supposedly) 163,000+ followers.

I am dug in.

In recent years, with the rise of the newsletter revolution, I have tried many newsletter platforms, including Patreon, Medium, Revue, and Substack. At the present time I am publishing the Work Futures newsletter on Substack.

Substack is certainly the best of the various platforms I have tried. I want to like Medium, but they keep shifting their approach and plans, and have not been very fast at implementing various improvements they've discussed (such as importing subscriber lists). Substack simply works at what it aims to do. However, Substack lacks a feeling of community of the sort that Medium and Tumblr have.

I can envision a version of Tumblr that would include newsletter support: subscriber registration, subscription fees, emailing, stats, and so on. Much of this could build on the Tumblr follower model, extended to include subscribers.

I have no idea whether the Tumblr folks are intending anything of this sort. But why not?

Tumblr was acquired by Automattic -- the folks behind WordPress -- in August 2019, and has been letting Tumblr be Tumblr, aside from continuing the ban on adult content that Verizon imposed. There is work afoot to move Tumblr onto a WordPress backend, but no grand strategy has been disclosed about Tumblr and newsletters.

Automattic acquired Atavist in 2018, with the goal of integrating Atavist publishing model, including newsletters, into the company's existing LongReads product. LongReads is a reader-supported project to fund long format writing, and the feel is something like Medium: subscribers pay $5 per month to supporth the site.

In recent days, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn have announced plans to get into newsletters, Twitter by acquisition of Revue. I am a heavy user of Twitter, and see that the Revue deal could work for them.

What I really want is a souped-up, newsletter-supporting Tumblr, where I can get the social media community of Tumblr with the addition of a newsletter community something like Substack, all in one package.

I hope they are working on it.

I forgot that I had written about this idea two years ago. See A New Direction For Tumblr:

For a few months, I have been advocating a major addition for Tumblr, something that might offer a new path for the more-or-less stagnant property: add the functionality to allow Tumblr 'creators’ to make money on the site. This would mean

Subscriptions for access to material behind a paywall (this would mean integration with Stripe or some other money platform)

Newsletter tools that integrate with Tumblr existing publishing workflow

Creation (or acquisition) or podcasting and video capabilities

Possible Medium-like publishing schemes so that creators can get paid for popular content.

Advertising opportunities based on tags?

I also happened upon this post by Richard MacManus from Sep 2019, How blogs, newsletters & Tumblr can fight back against social media - Cybercultural, in which he makes a similar argument:

In my view, there’s potential to build a significant new form of networking with blogs, Tumblr and email newsletters, this time built around cultural content.

The current wave of email newsletters proves there is demand for thoughtful media content, while Tumblr shows that this content can include more multimedia than we typically see in email newsletters. Naturally, multimedia is best viewed on the Web - not in inboxes. So I’m hoping Automattic can find a way to direct readers back to the Web, with the help of its latest acquisition.

[sunareii]

petrichor — rintarou s.

suna rintarou x fem!reader

sypnosis: suna was grown to hate everything within the castle or most likely everything else but when a simple commoner came into the picture.. well.. tags: royal au, TRAGICALLY RUSHED ENDING, fluff and a little angst sunareii is writing . . . this has been in my drafts for almost a month and decided to finish it despite hating it halfway but since it was already in 3k words i had too. i'll proofread this later, i'n tired and in need of shower

word count: 4.3k

suna was never fond of big parties or parties in general, there were countless of times where he told his parents, the king and queen, that there are no need to have some lavish gatherings for something so simple as his own birthday

the two majestys however couldn't fathom of how could their own son that they raised isn't accustomed to the events they hold yearly despite the fact they've been doing that before he was even born

well, maybe because they aren't the ones who practically raised him, the long-time servant of theirs took genuine care for him as a child and as a adolescent more then his parents could possibly give.

suna was never fond of big parties or parties in general, there were countless of times where he told his parents, the king and queen, that there are no need to have some lavish gatherings for something so simple as his own birthday

the two majestys however couldn't fathom of how could their own son that they raised isn't accustomed to the events they hold yearly despite the fact they've been doing that before he was even born

well, maybe because they aren't the ones who practically raised him, the long-time servant of theirs took genuine care for him as a child and as a adolescent more then his parents could possibly give.

he could only frown as he hears the heavy doors swung open from his upstairs bedroom, which was seven floors away from the ballroom where the celebration was being held. at that point he doesn't even desire to celebrate his date of birth if it were to be as mediocre as this. royal gatherings are always so extravagant, too extravagant yet so uninteresting and repetitive, why even waste the time and effort someone worked hard for?

suna rolled his eyes as he finally reached the ballroom and sat down on his own throne. the entire room was covered in gold decorations, chandeliers that only ever bright in a occasion such as this, the guests wore ravashing gowns and suits with silver rings as if they're the host(tess). a few rustles can be heard from the guests then the enormous door slam shut everyone became silent and the day begins but first a long unnecessary speech from the king.

'is the twenty foot tall entrance mandatory for every palace is there?'              he thought to himself

ting ting ting ting

his father who sat beside him created a noise, loud enough to get everybody's attention with the use of his steel fork and well-made glass just for him. suna grunted silently at him before the king stood up and spoke "welcome and thank you all for coming, we are incredibly delighted for you to be able to come at our only son or as you may know prince rintarou's seventeenth birthday"

suna could feel his father eyeing him in the side as if saying that he should have been the one to speak at that moment, but then why would he be taking responsibility when he didn't wanted this party to begin with

suna shifts his body on the seat uncomfortably as his father continues his fabricated discourse. no, suna was certainly not happy of them coming, how many times does he have to say it? the prince gawped at every side of the room to see many familiar faces, he could only deadpan repulsively—if that's even a thing—the guests looked far too chummy in spite of not even being in a deep relation with his family. suna wanted nothing but to run away from everything.

"yer look down in the dumps for your birthday" atsumu started to babble, his booming of a voice resonates moderately at the empty halls, the only hall that's completely clear, no noisy pigs or bodyguards whatsoever

"yeah, atleast you don't have to share your birthday with this idiot" osamu groused eating the pudding he unquestionably slipped with him, "hey! where did ya get that?" ginjima asked, suna wouldn't confess this to anyone but he particularly like time like these where he doesn't have to use any baffling mannerism along with some close acquaintances that couldn't care less of how he talks.

however unlike the three close acquaintances he doesn't have any brawny accents, suna sighs deeply before looking at them in the eye, "isn't it obvious, the parties get boring overtime, not like it was already boring to begin with" he explains

"and the champagnes got old too, don't they have anything else to drink?" ginjima questions "what's a champagne?" atsumu bewildered "i like parties, one of the only times i get 'ter eat delicious food" "yeah, cause ma puts ya in a healthy diet especially when you started sneaking in some baked goodies from a commoners bakery" osamus twin said who got sunas senses and attention all to atsumu, unbeknownst to him.

"how'd ya find a way to get out, we literally share the same room"

"ever found out yer a deep sleeper?"

"so ya ran away at night then!"

"i wouldn't say 'ran away'"

"the bakery is open even after hours? "

"nah, i made a deal with the baker, he's a good man i'm tellin' ya"

"do you have a royal guard with ya? ya could have been killed not that i would care but— "

"unlike you 'tsumu i am an independent prince, thank you very much!" "and yer exchange his food for what?"

"golds, hundred of them if you have to ask"

"like ma and pa would let ya have that much"

"who said they let me have 'em in the first place?"

"... you didn't!"

"i did!"

"i'm disappointed osamu, thought yer were the better twin" ginjima shakes his head in dissatisfaction.

"see, 'samu? you're a disappointment, snitching in some riches from ma when you possibly know better! just wait 'till aran and even kita hears about this!"

"what'r ya? a tattletale little brat!?"

"let's go back there so i could tell ma ya've been stealin and get yer ass grounded!"

"wait-!" suna cuts in as the blond twin stood with his left foot forward ready to disclose information and see his brothers downfall.

"what is it suna?"

"... you look stupid today" suna says before walking away, leaving atsumu rather astonished in a way. "told ya green tunic doesn't suit ya"

"the least you could do is give lady shiozaki a bit of courtesy" his father taunts at him, pointing at him as if accusing him of something vile, take osamus thieving for example. suna knows that by courtesy he meant kiss the top of her hand, his face grimace at that as his father puts his finger down looking at him with a offended look,

'it's my birthday, if anything they could kiss my— '

"rintarou!" his father shouted in rage, even the platters and cups on the table that laid so still tottered from the kings petty action

"you— you ungrateful child!"

"what did i do?" suna questions, his face stays in a blase even when the royal whatever is about to erupt like a volcano after years in the waiting line

"rintarou, my dear.." the mother finally has spoken through all the sore talk of a father and his son. "you're way too nonchalant but heedless" she says softly like a woman singing a lullaby to her baby, but suna is no baby

to make long story short, the father could only threw a fit as he watched his son, nod at his complaints with an expected apathetic look that irked the king of a guy even more than before, provoked he sends suna to go to his room and lock him there 'till he learns his lessons 'cause you know, parenting 101 logic and stuff.

they wouldn't know but suna is peeved at all completeness and abundance of insignificant orders, sweet cakes that now tastes like stale bread and bogus geniality that even he, had done formerly to many suna would have fought him if he wanted too but he just couldn't bring himself to do it because of hallow reasons

but that didn't matter, he watches from outside as he sees his father soothes himself whilst with his wife brush his hand, trying to cool him down most likely. yes, instead of being in his bedroom he's out there off the foot of the castle grounds. unfortunately for him though, he didn't had the chance to grab any lantern's or candles for him to use as the sun plummet and the blue moon had took a rise.

'now what' he says to himself, there were barely even stars to guide him his way tonight but only the dusky moon ray could help him. he figured it's enough to accompany him for the night since he didn't have any sort of options. he walks forward to southeast with the knowledge that it has the nearest town he could go to before sunrise, atleast he hopes so.

he trails down the bulky grounds of the forest, allowing the eerie sounds of calm or danger to surround him. now's the only time that he begun to contemplate what will he do once he gets to his destination, start a new life maybe or go back after.

'no, i'm sure father eh.. knights will come fetch me soon after they realize i was gone, sadly.. '

the dark element of the skies covered the rain to watch for, thus suna's taken by surprise, the forest surely didn't have any hut or any of the kind, so he lets the droplets patter around him, from his hair down to his chest the raindrop go.

he sits down by the old tree that slope downward, he exhales deeply from frustration, 'i couldn't even go as far as this, the guards probably notice my absence by now and—’  his thoughts were cut off short by a flicker of light coming from behind him.

"there it is! i knew you'd be here!" then came a voice, a figure in the distance not too further away from him moves around in the trees that seems to almost close at them.

"is someone there?" the feminine voice say, the voice sounded silvery-like perhaps fluttery is a better word for it. the girl pulls out her lantern to suna's spot where he sits, the rain grew cold and strong as minutes passes, wind brushed off their exposed skin fiercely. "why are you here all alone, it's dangerous here of all places!" she shouted as she runs towards him not letting the frightening storm throw her body down. "are you okay?" before he could even answer, a tree not that far infront of them went down,falling onto the grass, without letting him answer, she immediately grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him out of the woodland where all sorts of danger could occur

he wakes up with shivering bones, his blanket or what seemed just a rug to him gave him little heat from the cold he was exposed in. "are you awake?" a voice asked in worry, his eyes fixated at the woman infront of him wearing simple dress, length just below her knee along with a stained white apron holding a small basin

'is there two of her?'

he thought as the sight of her doubles suna attempts to stand up but the heat burns his skin all around his body. "you shouldn't stand up yet!" she exclaimed, rushing towards his side, setting the basin to the ground, dipping a piece of cloth before placing it ontop forehead, "you shuld rest then —" her words couldn't be heard anymore as suna could only faint.

subsequently, the fog that enveloped in his head has eased, he's fever isn't gone but he surely gotten better by just a few hours and yet the rain hasn't ceased

"What.. where?" he murmurs rewinding everything that happened the night before. suna finds himself in a strangers house, the living room is combined with the kitchen, no doors or walls to separate both rooms. the living room doesn't have a big fireplace where he used to keep himself warm in during the cold season, there is nothing much to be seen in the kitchen just a few plates and condiments and then a table with a flower vase ontop right by it, suna assumed that that is already the dining area.

he's at the couch with the blanket and wet cloth draped over him, the bowl of water is still beside the him, suna manages to move his arms to take care of himself. just then the door infront of him swings open revealing the same person he saw before, her tangled hair in loose braids that's pinned behind her head, a bit of her hair sticking out of every direction. regardless of her poor housing and clothing suna thought she was pure and alluring

"hi" she greeted rather bashfully

"hello" suna said back with a blank expression

"are you feeling better?" she inquires as she puts the basket she was holding down on the table "better thanks to you" he answers earnestly, she smiles "dont mention it"

"you must be hungry" she says, a bit like a whisper, she starts grabbing the pan and eggs from the basket, getting the stove ready. "no, no. you've done enough, i'm not really that hungry" he claims intensely, but the sound of his stomach grumbling contradicts what he had just said.

she giggles silently before continuing  what she was just doing. the sound of sizzling and occasional water splash engulfs the room, suna proceeds to treat himself 'till when she have finished

"say.. what were you doing out there in the wilds, all alone in the night?"she inquires hesitantly as plates clatter around the kitchen "did you run away?" she asks more

"sort of.."

"here" she says handing him his plate with eggs, bread and pieces of grapes, 'that's a weird match of food' he thoughts but chose to not question it as she already helped him enough already and also because he doesn't have much choice

suna could feel her eyes analyzing him up and down while he eats, growing uncomfortable he stares back

"sorry, i haven't catched your name yet"

"oh.. its..  su..--hibiki.. katsuo"he answers the last minute, he knows that his palace is pretty popular in quite a few places and knowing from some prior experience the person infront of him could give him a threat for money or sell him for ransom which is very unlikely.

his white lie didn't go through and naturally she knew he was lying even so she played along just because.

"i'm y/n l/n, feel free to call me whatever hibiki"

the smile she sent him tug a string to his heart, feeling sheepish with the tense atmosphere around him, they shortly finished their meal.

"y/n, what were you doing there in the middle of the night?" suna asks, the rain slowly winding away as she opens the window from the kitchen side and suna does the other.

"hmm, i lost my house key"

"why would it be in the forest of all places?"

"well, i do pick fruits and berries from trees and such for a living, sometimes i help carry lumber from tree cutters" she explains, tiny droplets of water falling leisurely from her house roof, the rain had passed but on the flip side the clouds are still dyed grey

y/n inhales lively, taking in the good fresh air after the rain. "don't you just love the smell the rain leaves behind?" she asks avidly, suna doesn't know what to say and opted to stay quiet and whiffs the scent y/n was talking about

"do you plan to come back yet, hibiki?"

"uh, no, not really"

"great!" she beams with a smile before walking towards the front door and opening it for him. "you still haven't changed your... quite fancy attire from last night" her words trails down inaudibly as she looks up and down at suna's choice of clothing which was the same dress robe he wore from his birthday partyas

they step foot out of the house, the village is already packed with people. girls chatting, kids playing and men working. the place is productive and conscientious something that his palace guards lack, his bodyguards were anything but a bunch of old drunkards once they have their break and though they are some younger ones just a few years older than him that works as a protector but there's rarely any of them

"hey! daisy, who's that little fella with you?" a elderly man said as they reached a small bakery with great goods. "goro this is hibiki, hibiki this is goro, he owns the bakery shop and has the best one around here" she explains, "well, the others are certainly not all bad" suna has never heard of such a heavy accent before,

'and i thought the twins dialect was the worst'

"so what brings you here today?" goro asked with a deep voice, "he's kinda lost and doesn't have a spare clothes, i was wondering if we could borrow some"

"well of course! happy to lend some help for the new guy, my son has a loads of clothes to spare for a life time!" the mans voice was defeaning to say the least, "haruto can-!" as if his son had already heard him a small pile of clothes is thrown at the stairs that is built just at the side of their house

"here ya go! you can go change at the back room" goro says then another voice chimed in the conversation

"what's the occasion? wearing glamourous outfit in a place like this?" the son sneered as he stood at a narrow terrace attached to the wooden stairs. he looks down at mockingly mocking him for his appearance

"don't let him blow yer gasket" goro says reassuringly while patting his shoulder

"thanks" he deadpans but with a little more emotion than he used to display with his father.

afterwards, y/n gave him a little tour around places, he used to see this small town from his library window pane but diving inside upclose feels alot bigger than he anticipated. saying suna had fun would be an understatement, he feels something larger than just joy.

safety, vulnerability and mostly freedom. he wasn't necessarily held captive inside the castle like the backstory of every damsel in distress, the tables may have turned in this story, the prince who was trained with a sword have been the helpless damsel during the thunderous night whilst dearest y/n being his knight in just a dirty old dress. but what was he gonna do with his sword skills at the stormy evening? battle zeus?

needless to say he doesn't even have his mighty sword with him, how naive.

"when do you plan to go back?" y/n questions randomly at their peaceful stroll back to her residence, "i'm not too sure" he answers back hoping to change the subject.

"your parents are bound to notice your absence being the prince and all" she enunciated casually, suna stops in his tracks

"you.. knew?" he croaked

"from your princely outfit and the place i found you, i stick two and two together"

his mouth curved down in exasperation, his fist clench tightly, his nails almost digging his palms

"your royal highness, i request nothing of you than you might think, to be quite frank i didn't knew how to approach you first-"

"it's okay.. i'm not mad" he soothes with the softet voice he could master, the tight grip of his hands decreased and he exhales slowly to calm himself down

"i mean after today, i never assumed you were the type" and he partially knew his dishonesty was noticeable with just how he stood but he left that part out 'cause he couldn't handle the shame he felt

"are you going back though?" she fretted with a begging tone as if she doesn't want him to go

"do you want me to?" he teased

"no! i mean if you really need too"

"is it okay for me to stay at yours for a little while?"

"of course! you're welcome at my place anytime!" she immediately answered cheerfully

"it just feels nice to have some company again" she mumbles discreetly but suna heard it loud an clear.

and he did stay, longer than he should've, it's like he left his royal crown behind his bedroom and also like his parents have forgotten about him, he learned and loved many knew things such as wood cutting and though he doesn't have much experience but he's working on it

suna had insisted to work for y/n seeing as she was letting him sleep in her house unpaid. he surprisingly have very strong stamina. for most of the week, suna made sure to pay her back for her kindness and hospitality every single day regardless of her resistance

he felt butterflies in his stomach as he recollects the warmth he felt when she suggested him to sleep in the same bed as her and though at first he thought nothing much of it except the berth had little no space between them and he could feel her soft breathing beneath his skin, he possibly spent half the night admiring her face as disturbing as it sounds

oh, and the splinter he had by some means on his first try of using an axe, y/n was there for his aid although it was just a splinter he was bleeding alot. suna had enjoyable memories there and most of it was literally every interaction he has with herhe loves everything about her from her kindess to her boldness even

but of course, suna knew he would be found anytime by now

it was a nice morning whereas suna was alone in the house when suddenly the door bursted open harshly breaking it,

"your royal highness, we have finally located you, the king and queen are worried sick!" the knight explained, "you must return home immediately" he said grabbing into his wrist while suna resisted, "i dont want to!" suna keeps saying but to no avail, the guard buckled him up on the horse between two other guards

this knight was extreme loyal to his father and he follows his commands more than anyone else, suna would admit his father treated him more as a son and loved him more than him but he didn't wanted to leave just yet without seeing her for the last time knowing that he'll most likely forever be locked in the castleand despite suna having to take his fathers place sooner, the knight somehow had power over him.

"let's go back on the road, hiyah!"                                                                    the lead went up into the air before smacking onto his white horse, the animal hurriedly went west eith just one slap of the rope, suna looked back at the city behind him, many people crowded to watch the prince leave their home waving at him merrily presumbly knowing he was royalty all along

suna did wanted to see y/n for the final time however seeing her beside the audiences watching his leave was indescribable, he couldn't tell what she was feeling from the distance he was in but he certainly felt isolated again and so were she. the continuous sound of a horses hoof racing towards sounded annoying to him and he wanted nothing more but to dismount it

when he finally came home he was only greeted by his mother and a few other maid and butlers to welcome him back. of course, what did he expect from his father. suna went straight to his room without a word, his mind stuck to the question of how was she doing and how did the guards found out where he was, she couldn't have told them.. right?

that night is certainly eventful, when suna walks down the corridor to get a little fresh air only to receive a heavy news once he hears his fathers voice from the dining hall talking to his soldiers and it seems to him the king will send them for battle between another kingdom"but his majesty, the king you are aware that we'll also ambush a town with no involvement into this matter”

"they don't matter having to govern an extra land is even better, the decision has been decided the night before, you'll leave within the next minutes and go straight forward to invade the southeast!" he yells, his plan is rather reckless and is relying to brute strength. knowing his father, suna didn't say anything and hides back to his room

thunder strikes loudly ringing his ear as he tries to cautiously open the stable, he could feel the rain slowly dropping one by one by the second, grabbing his horse before he disappears away from the castle.

sad to say, the fighters on both sides have beaten him to it. even with the rainwater going down suna could still make out a bit of smoke from the town

he grips the lead tightly, it's almost unrecognizable, everything was demolished, burned down and he hopes to atleast see someone alive other than the soldiers who was ordered to fight

"y/n!" he screams piercingly and as if on cue lightning struck feets away from him, almost blinding him. instantly making a beeline to her house that was also gone and burned to ashes

suna dismounts his horse and started yelling like he'd lose his voice by tomorrow while also picking up the wooden pieces of the house

"y/n! goro! haruto!"

rather than the sound of thunderbolt like earlier he heard a gunshot that scares off his great horse away to the darkness

"wait-"

in his mind, he knew he was done for when he hears the rapid footsteps towards his direction, then it stops as the person halted catching their breaths but suna couldn't hear them stopping from the heavy rain that's almost drowning his ears. he takes a step back to turn around and face them only to see the face he loves so much

he may have did lost his voice and could only run towards her, their lips touching each other then and there and the place around them is not the most beautiful place to get your first kiss but when the two finally gets who they truly needed nothing else matters

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Two

A/N: okay, this is the chapter a majority of you have been praying for. Good luck.

Words: 5.2k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, explicit sexual situations, drug abuse

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Nikki slams back yet another strawberry margarita as our food is set before us in the mexican restaurant, Doc, Fred, Rich, Ross, Donna, Emi, Tommy, Mick, Vince and Tansy all joining us at our celebratory dinner before Nikki and I are due to sneak away tomorrow morning for the next couple of days off to a location that has yet to be disclosed to me. 

Although I'll be surprised if we make it there and Nikki's still sober being that he's beginning to slur his words together. 

"Okay, hold up, picture." Ross states, grabbing his Polaroid and we all grown, wanting to eat our food. "Say, 'I'm so surprised these two are still married'." He jokes, and the second he snaps the shot of everyone of us smiling, Nikki's throwing chip crumbs on him, earning a blatant 'damn it!' that's got Nikki giggling like a little boy. 

"So, when does your flight leave?" Donna asks me and I raise my brows. 

"Flight?" 

"Yeah, for your little getaway." She explains as Nikki and Tommy start trying to out slur each other as they eat their food and talk. 

"It requires flying?" I ask her and her face suddenly pales before Emi is whispering in her ear, more than likely telling her I have no idea where we're going. 

"Oh…" Donna mumbles, giving me a small smile. "...Forget I asked." 

Before I can open my mouth to prod her about where exactly this location is, she's being swept back into her conversation with Emi and I'm furrowing my brows slightly, glancing at Nikki, who's already getting another freaking refill of his margarita. 

"Can we have some water, as well?" I ask the waiter, nodding toward Nikki and he looks from me, to Nikki, who's obviously not going to accept anything less than alcoholic. 

"I don't need it, man, just keep 'em coming." Nikki smirks to him and I shoot him a look. 

"He's drunk, he needs water, please." I void what Nikki just said and our waiter seals his lips together before going to the kitchen with Nikki shouting after him how he doesn't need water. 

I slip away to the bathroom to pee and touch up my makeup, returning just in time to hear a glass collide with the floor with the sound of iced water splashing, and Nikki shouting:

"I don't need any fucking water!" 

While Fred and Doc are shouting at him to calm down. 

I find our table in nearly a sprint in my heels, seeing a sloppy Nikki standing, nearly face-planting, about to get in the waiter's face. 

"Nikki!" I stop him, interjecting myself between him and the stranger, feeling absolutely horrible for how he's treating the man for just doing what I asked him to do. "Sir, I'm so sorry, we're about to leave if you could just--"

"--I'm not fucking going anywhere until this motherfucker apologizes to me!" Nikki demands, pointing over me to the waiter, everyone in the restaurant is now looking at us. 

"Nikki, shut up." Doc orders him as he and Fred glare at him. 

"Fuck you, Doc!" Nikki barks. 

"I'm so, so sorry." I apologize to the waiter as Doc and Nikki begin arguing, my hand slipping into my purse to grab a few stray bills Nikki gave me before we left home, handing $300.00 to the waiter for having to be screamed and pointed at so aggressively. "This is the tip, we'll pay the bill once he's out of here." I assure him and he looks at me, taking the cash, his eyes wide. 

"You can suck my fucking dick, Doc!" I hear Nikki outburst. "Just get on your fucking knees and start--" 

I'm grasping at the hand he's not pointing at Doc, tugging him to the door along with Fred's help and Doc stays behind to pay the bill. 

When we get in the parking lot, Fred's throwing Nikki to the ground.

"Stop it!" He screams down at my husband, the vein in his forehead sticking out. "You're being a fucking asshole, Sixx, just shut the fuck up and sober up!" 

Nikki's stumbling to get up, and when he does, he's punching at Fred.

"Nikki!" I scream angrily, stepping into range without realizing it just as Fred throws his punch, which accidentally hits me, knocking me to the ground. 

My cheek is throbbing, my lip busted open, and Nikki's hazel eyes widen before he's looking at Fred with merely empty irises, lunging at him. 

If Fred wouldn't have had a black belt, Nikki would have possibly killed him, but before he did too much damage, Doc was getting the two men separated while Emi, Donna and Tommy were helping me off the ground and making sure nothing in my face was busted up. 

I suffered a busted lip and a giant bruise on my face, which nearly got members of Guns N' Roses on a plane to kick Nikki's ass when I arrived home after the Vanity bullshit, before I explained to them that Fred had accidentally hit me.

"I'm fine." I assure Doc as he's making me hold ice to my lip as I sit on the bed back in my room, letting out a breath. 

"We don't need the press accusing anybody of being a wife beater, got it?" 

"Won't matter, whatever the hell we do wrong, it just makes people love us more." Vince mumbles and me, Tommy, and Mick, all look at him. "What? I'm not saying Nikki should start beating her, I'm just saying if this gets out to the press nobody will give a flying fuck that Nikki Sixx raised hell in a mexican restaurant. It'll just give us more publicity." Vince explains. 

"That doesn't mean it's okay, Vince." I argue and he rolls his jaw. 

The sound of the door unlocking has our attention and as Fred walks in, his face looks worried. 

"Nikki's passed out in my room." He explains. "Viv, I really am sorry, I didn--"

"--I know, Fred. It's okay." I assure him, wincing. 

"Nothing that can't be covered up with some makeup." Doc adds. 

It wasn't a big deal to me, honestly. I was use to covering up shitshows with makeup, fake smiles and laughter, and a lot of bullshitting.

I was a pro at the point, which would have to be severely executed in the following months.

Morning soon comes and although my face is kind of sore, the excitement I feel for my anniversary is nearly making me jump around on the bed I'm laying next to Nikki on. 

He's still knocked out in his margarita coma so I decide to get a shower and get my things together for our getaway. 

By the time I'm out, he's pulling himself back to life, sitting up in our bed while I step in wearing nothing but my towel, running a brush through my wet hair. 

"Good morning." I grin at him. 

"What time is it?" He asks.

"Almost 10:00." I reply and he nods. 

"Our plane leaves at 3:30." He tells me, getting out of bed, stumbling to the bathroom to throw up into the toilet. 

I wrinkle my nose at the sound, crossing my fingers that he gets a shower because he smells horrible. 

My wish comes true when I hear the shower start and I change into a tshirt and jean shorts before going over to our room to pack my things and Nikki's. 

When I get back, he's out of the shower, brushing his teeth, and when he's done is popping as many over the counter pain meds that I'll allow for his hangover. 

"So, where we going?" I ask him once he's at the foot of the bed, digging in his suitcase for clothes, his towel hanging on his hips. 

"I'm not telling you." He smiles, grabbing jeans and a RATT shirt, causing me to raise a brow. 

"It requires a plane." I explain and his smile grows. 

"I'm not telling you." He repeats, not giving me a second glance before he's about to go get dressed.

I catch his hand to keep him from walking away, my bottom lip being pulled at by my teeth as I tug him back to me and he gives me a crooked smirk when I grab the clothes from his hand and toss them aside, running my hands down his sides, kissing at his chest, down his abdomen, my hands discarding his towel. 

"Viv." He sighs out when I wrap my hand around his prick. "We don't have time for this." He tells me with a glint in his eyes and I start taking my clothes off until theres not a thing on me except for my crucifix and he lets out a sharp breath.

"Then tell me to stop." I whisper hotly, my lips brushing against his as I run my thumb over the slit in his cock.

He's suddenly grabbing at my hair, not enough to hurt me, before tugging me into the floor so I'm on my knees at his feet.

My mouth waters as he slides his hand up and down his shaft, liquid beading out of him, causing my tongue lick it up. 

"Fuck." He lets out with a satisfied grin, and I wrap my lips around him. 

"Sixx!" Fred's voice and a knock comes from the other side of the door and Nikki rolls his eyes. 

"What, man?!" Nikki says back, and I sit back on my knees, waiting for Fred to leave before I continue. 

"Open the door!"

"I'm a little busy right now!"

"Nikki, it's important! Open the damn door!" 

"Damnit, Fred!" He complains, going to the door, snatching it open. "What, fucker?" 

Fred says something to him.

"What?" He lowers his voice, confusion in his tone and Fred continues to speak as I give up and pull my clothes back on. "Are you fucking me right now?"

"No." I hear Fred reply clearly and I slowly make my way to them.

"What is it?" I ask and Fred glances at me as Nikki looks down at me. 

"Nothing." Nikki shakes his head and Fred raises his brows at him. 

"Dude, what the fuck is Vanity doing  in the fucking lobby?" Vince grumbles, only seeing Fred and Nikki, and when he sees me, his face falls. 

"Vanity's here?" I ask and Nikki and Fred shoot daggers Vince's way. 

"She wants to surprise you guys." Fred explains to me and I raise my brows. 

"For what?" 

"Our anniversary." Nikki spitefully hisses. 

"Ohhh." I say, thinking a moment. "Well, that's sweet."

"No, it's not. It really fucking isn't." Nikki states with a scoff, leaving my side to go get dressed. 

"I was thinking since she unexpectedly came to surprise the both of you, it might be a little rude to just up and leave her here. If you know what I mean." Fred explains, looking at Nikki and Nikki pulls his pants on and sighs. 

"Trust me I am one fucking step ahead of you." He assures him and I furrow my brows. 

"What? No. She didn't tell us she was coming. She can't be upset we had plans. It's not rude if we go do what we planned, and besides she'll be here for a while and we'll only be gone a couple days." 

"Vivian, you don't know anger until you've got a pissed off, coked out, irrational Vanity screaming at you with her finger in your face, telling you to hit her and knowing you can't because you're a man and it's not right to just punch the ever loving fuck out of women even if you really, really want to. Except you don't have a dick and hitting her would be socially acceptable, so you'd get into a fight with her and that's not good." Nikki warns me. "We'll just take a rain check on the trip. I don't feel like hearing her bitching." 

"Nikki--" 

"He's right, Viv." Fred takes up for him. "If you go down there and tell her she came for nothing, she's gonna flip shit and no offense, but you don't have a stable temper as of lately."

"Stable temper? Excuse me?" I hiss. 

"As of lately? That's it? Are you kidding?" Vince states and I glare at him. 

"Really, Vivian. Raincheck." Fred repeats to make his point and I feel my face fall in disappointment. 

"Hey, I'll make it up to you, alright?" Nikki kisses my cheek and I sigh out before nodding. 

"I'm gonna go back to sleep." I tell them, and Nikki steps out of the door. 

"We're gonna go meet Vanity and get her a room paid for." Fred explains and I nod. 

Vanity didn't come to surprise us for our anniversary. Her and Nikki had gotten into an argument and she strategically dropped by just to make him sweat over whether or not she'd really be cruel enough to confess to his wife what had been happening for over a year between them, on the day of his four year anniversary.

Everyone was losing their shit on the inside, even Doc, because they decided Vanity was officially a loose cannon (and threat) when she showed up that day to continue to tour with them for X amount of time. 

It wasn't a matter of "if" she had an artilary and was going to eventually use to blow every fucking thing to hell, it was a matter of "when" she was going to get an itch to pull the trigger over something minor Nikki pissed her off about, and open fire. 

The irony in it all is that she didn't let it out because she was angry at Nikki, but because she was so high on coke she actually forgot altogether he was still with me because she had heard him constantly repeat how he was going to leave me and marry her when the "Girls" tour wrapped up in the US, before he got sober from junk.

I'm waking up to the feeling of Nikki peppering my face in kisses, causing me to giggle, my lips pressing to his, causing me to hum. 

"Hi." I smile at him.

"Hi." He replies, laying next to me with a smirk. "So, I was thinking since we can't have our Mexico trip--"

"--We were gonna go to Mexico?" I ask, even more disappointed.

"It's only put off for a little bit, Viv." He chuckles. "But how about we spend the rest of the day together, and I'll take you out to dinner tonight--minimal alcohol so I won't be an asshole--and then we can come back, go swimming and then spend the rest of the night screwing the ever loving fuck out of each other." He proposes and I laugh at his enthusiasm saying the last activity. 

"Deal." I agree, kissing him again.

What actually ended up happening.

"Have you seen Nikki?" I ask Doc. 

"He just left with the guys, Tansy and Vanity." He replies. 

"What? To go where?" 

"Didn't say." He shrugs. "Hey, you look nice, where you going?" 

"Nowhere, apparently." I mumble, glancing down at my red dress. 

I go back to our room, glancing at the clock.

8:00pm. 

Nikki slept through the afternoon and then woke up, making me think he was going to get ready to take me out. 

But by the time I got ready, I realized he wasn't anywhere around.

I kick my heels off and shut the hotel room door behind me, going to scrub off the fresh face of makeup I just put on, and change into my swimsuit, hoping he'll be back before the pool closes at midnight.

Once 11:50pm rolls around, I'm giving up and changing into my pajamas. 

I wake up to the sound of the door swinging open, heavy steps thumping in to the bathroom before shutting the door. 

After a few minutes in the bathroom, Nikki's silhouette is making its way to the bed and I feel his hand reach out and run over the curve of my hip.

"I'm a fucking asshole." He slurs slightly, and I bite my tongue to hold back from crying. 

"It's fine, Nikki." I say, not having the energy to argue with him. 

He's quiet because he knows it isn't okay. 

I feel his lips press to my shoulder and I close my eyes, trying not to be upset with him, although I have a good reason to be. 

His lips trail up my neck to my lips, our tongues intertwining.

His mouth tastes like a straight shot of wine and whiskey, and I'm intoxicated by him in merely seconds, pulling him closer to me, pushing his jacket off of his shoulders. 

By the time his shirt is off next, he's pulling me onto him, my tshirt being thrown into the corner of the room, his lips immediately sweeping down my neck to my chest as my fingers thread through his thick hair, my head tilting back as satisfied sighs push themselves past my lips when he sucks my nipple into his mouth. 

I let out a gasp, my mouth pulling into a smile, the junction of my thighs grinding into him, causing him to let out a groan. 

My hands fumble to get his pants off and he takes his attention away from me to help me, tossing the jeans to the foot of the bed, his arms pulling my bare chest against his, his lips catching mine before he's pinning me under him, his devious eyes looking into mine as he presses a line of tongue filled kisses down my chest, his teeth grazing against my skin, his hands holding mine at my sides against the mattress and I arch my back when his tongue starts lapping at my clit. 

When he's satisfied with his work of bringing me to the edge of orgasm after orgasm, only to stop before I can finish, and leaving me a pleading mess that's desperate to get off, he's grasping at his cock and teasingly running it against my pussy before pushing into me, causing me to cry out in ecstasy as his face buries in my neck. 

Within less than a minute, Nikki's sweating profusely, his body purging liquor from his system, and I furrow my brows when he starts breathing abnormally, more like panting, and stops moving. 

"Nikki?" I question, the weight of his body that he was just holding in his arms while he lingered above me, is now crushing down onto me. 

His face is in my neck and his breathing is heavy, like he's asleep. 

"N-Nikki." I gently try to wake him up, to no avail, before I'm trying to get out from underneath him,which I have the same luck doing as trying to wake him up. 

Frustration and disappointment is fuming out of me, as bratty as it is. 

It's our anniversary and he fell asleep inside of me in the middle of sex. 

Tears gather in my eyes and I make one last effort to get him off of me, finally succeeding. 

I wince at the feeling of him sliding out of me before I sit up in the hotel room's bed, covering my naked chest, trying to figure out where in the hell to go from here. 

Deciding to just shower and pretend like this never happened is what I opt for before heading to the bathroom. 

The second I open the door, I'm hit in the face with that familiar, bitter scent. 

I immediately start rummaging for needles and sure enough, I find clean needles in his boot at the foot of the bed, and the bottle cap he used to heat the smack up in the garbage can by the toilet.

"No, no, no this is not how this is supposed to go." I cry out to myself, my tears finally breaking over my lashline as I sit on the floor in front of the bathroom door.

Nikki was sober from heroin, but decided to have a shot of it in celebration of his sobriety. 

As you can imagine, he never got back on the wagon for the rest of that tour, but he had lied to himself and convinced himself he surely would.

"It's okay." I lie to myself in the mirror, forcing my tears away with my fingers, taking deep breaths. "It is okay. Everything is okay. Don't be like this." I order to the tired girl in front of me, who's green eyes are beginning to lose their hopeful light now that their owner's husband is up to no good once again. "It was one time. He shot up one time. It's normal for addicts to fall off the wagon every once and a while. This doesn't mean anything. It is okay. It will be okay. He'll be okay and you'll be okay so stop…" my voice cracks, and I can't bring myself to continue to fucking lie, so I don't. 

I simply finish, saying:

"Stop, Vivian. This is not what we do." 

The training my brain's gotten over the years automatically responds to my words, my tears being forced back as I whipe the last of them away, letting out a deep breath, before getting into the shower. 

Once I'm clean, I check Nikki's pulse to make sure he's still breathing, he is, and I put pajamas on and decide to hangout with Fred.

When his door swings open and I see a brunette slip into the bathroom, I raise my brows at him. 

"I can come back if I need to." I tell him and he shakes his head, his hair and body wet from showering. 

"No, it's fine, c'mon." He steps aside and I avert my gaze as he pulls underwear on and slips back into bed. 

"What's up? I thought you'd be with Nikki for your four years together." He nudges at me and I let out a breath. "Hey, look, I know it sucks you two didn't get to go on your little two day vacation but it's not the end of the world."

"We were suppose to eat dinner together, he bailed. We were suppose to go swimming, he bailed. He finally got in from spending a majority of our anniversary with Vince and Tommy and Tansy and Vanity, and then proceeded to pass out inside of me while we were screwing around. I'm not just aggravated over not getting to go to a stupid beach for my anniversary. I'm frustrated because coked out Vanity came to town unannounced and we don't know when she's coming home, and now Nikki's unconscious and Tansy's probably in the same position, too, which I'm afraid is gonna get worse because Vanity isn't a good influence, and Nikki chose partying over spending our day with his wife." 

He looks at me, his expression solemn, before he reaches out and grabs at my hand, holding it tightly. 

"I'll kick his ass in the morning." He assures me and I smile a little. "Ya want me to go get some clothes on and we can go find some food?" 

"Yes." I reply. 

"Okay, Kid, I'm on it." He says with a chuckle, getting out of bed to pull clothes on. 

We end up grabbing greasy drive-thru, and in the midst of getting the food back up to the room, we run into Tommy, Tansy, Vanity, Vince and a couple groupies when we get to the elevator. 

"Where did Sixx go, Viv?" Tommy sloppily lets out as a blonde holds at his fluffy hair and kisses up and down his neck and I feel sick to my stomach. 

"He's married." I say as I tap the girl on the shoulder and she sneers at the fact she was interrupted. 

"Viv." Tommy complains and I raise my brows.

"You're wearing your wedding ring." I state. 

"I don't mind." The girl hisses at me. 

"No, but his wife sure will." I argue. 

His eyes cut suddenly, his alcohol laced breath hitting me in the face when he scoffs out, "fucking ironic coming from you."

Fred clears his throat loudly before Tommy can continue on, and Tommy shuts up as Vince gives him a death glare while Tansy keeps her eyes on the floor, and Vanity has the smallest little smile on her lips. 

Before I can ask what the hell he means, the elevator opens and Fred is pulling me in the direction of his room. 

"Don't fucking start shit with them when they're fucked up, Viv, you know that." Doc scolds me when we get in the room and I roll my eyes. 

"It just pisses me off. Vince is married. Tommy is married. They have wives." I tell him and he sighs. 

"I understand, but still. Don't be stupid. You can't pay them any attention when they're like that. They're completely different people than when they're sober." 

"Except Vince." I mumble and he let's out a breath. 

"Why don't you just tell Sharise and Heather, then?" 

"Because they've been my friends since grade school, alright? I love Sharise and Heather but I've known Tommy and Vince longer." I explain. 

"So, like, I've known Sixx longer than you so if he was screwing around on you, it wouldn't be right for me to tell you since I've been friends with him longer?" 

"Well...that's not even possible because Nikki won't do that." I brush it off, eating a fry. 

He takes a sip of his drink, not replying and I raise my brows. 

"Nikki hasn't done that, right?" I ask him.

"Would it surprise you?"

My heart clenches. 

"Fred, has Nikki cheated on me?" 

"No, Viv. He hasn't, alright? I was just asking that to put into perspective how fucked it is, is all." He explains. 

"Oh. Okay." 

I think if Fred knew what would happen three short weeks later, he would've gone ahead and told me the truth.

"Viv, it was one time, it was three weeks ago, I'm not on smack again, alright? It was a celebratory shot and that was all it was." Nikki groans, pulling his boots on. 

I hug the covers to my exposed chest as I sit up and he glances over his shoulder to look at me. 

"How the fuck are you so perfect?" He randomly says, smirking at me before grabbing my ankle and tugging me to the foot of the bed before he stands over me, his hand running through my disheveled hair and I try not to smile. 

"Mmhmm." I sarcastically let out in response to his statement and he snickers, kissing me, his thumb running over my bottom lip. 

"At least Vanity's gone." He adds. 

"Be nice." I scold him, again, trying not to laugh. 

"Two whole weeks of Vanity, Viv. We survived two whole weeks of Vanity." He proudly declares. 

Those two weeks were a nightmare. Vanity was excellent at not competing with the women in her industry, always praising them when an interviewer would try to make her say something against another woman in her business, but for someone who typically competed with herself in terms of success and stardom, she and Nikki were like two giant male lions trying to fight for the lead. 

She would get viciously jealous if he was getting more attention. 

She'd dance up on the speakers like a stripper at their rehearsal, and dance the same way in the photo pit at their shows. 

Everyone would be quietly telling Nikki "get your bitch's shit together for her, before I do" while I was oblivious.

Vanity went home a week before the show in Texas. 

Nobody knew that would be the last time we saw her before she completely damned everything.

"Yeah, we survived." I reply, smiling softly at him as he kisses my hand. 

"You wanna come out with me and Tommy tonight?" 

"No, me and Tansy were gonna watch Vanity's interview with Arsenio tonight." I explain and he wrinkles his nose. "Quit it." I lightly hit at his stomach. 

"What, the two weeks with her weren't enough?" 

"It's called being supportive, Nikki."

"Yeah, have fun with that." He kisses me one last time before heading to the door. "Goodnight, baby." 

"Goodnight, Nikki." I say as the door shuts behind him and I smile to myself. "Be careful. I love you." I whisper to myself, letting out a sigh before going to wash off. 

Tansy's soon knocking on the door and I get my PJs on and let her in before switching on the TV to tune into Vanity's interview. 

"Aww, she looks pretty." Tansy comments, seeing her beaming smile as she grasps her sister's hand as her sister is sitting next to her while she explains her dress. 

"Ya know, I bought this in an antique store in Newyork about five years ago. And it was just a block, like, it looked like 'grandma's' dress, really. And, um, I said, 'I think I can something with that' I mean it was only fifty dollars and I had it taken in." She explains, and I take notice that her sister is grasping one of her hands while Arsenio is grasping the other, and I realize what appears as her being hyper and excited, is really her being coked out, and they're holding her hands to try to keep her grounded.

"By a Japanese girl, she took it in." She says next.

"Well she did a very good job at taking it in." Arsenio assures her and she and the crowd chuckles. "Get the Japanese girl on the phone. I wanna talk to her 'cause she did a very, very good job. It's a beautiful outfit." He adds. "And it's good to have you here." He starts next. 

"Oh, thank you." She softly replies. 

"And it's good to have your sister here sh--"

"I'm getting married, look." Vanity states, taking her left hand out of Arsenio's hold and flashes a shining ring on her ring finger and my ears perk up, apparently Tansy's pulled from her drugged stupor, because her heavy eye lids pop open and her face pales when I look at her as I hear Arsenio comment, "okay, um, here's something for Jett magazine," going with the sudden turn of events presented by the starlet. 

"Did you know she was engaged?" I ask Tansy and she's at a loss of words. "I didn't even know she was dating anybody." 

"Vivian." Tansy's tone is dreadful and I wait for her to tell me about it, Arsenio cracking jokes in the background, causing Vanity's enthusiastic laughter to infiltrate the room. 

"This is a beautiful ring." He states, grabbing my attention once more. 

"Isn't it pretty?" Vanity agrees as he examines the rock on her finger. 

"You, didn't you--"

"--Nikki Sixx." She interrupts him, and my brows furrow even more, confusion taking over me. 

"Nikki." Arsenio hesitantly replies, and I think I completely missed the part about who she was engaged to and they somehow got on the topic of her friendship to Nikki, until…

"Yeah, I'll be Vanity 6 once again. Isn't that nice?" 

Arsenio is obviously just as confused as me, I hear some mumbles in the audience of people probably also confused.

It just takes one look at Tansy to know what the hell is happening. She's already got tears streaming down her face. 

My heart fucking stops, and my breath is shoved out of my lungs as if one of Nikki's demons has finally succeeded in getting me out of the way, his talons puncturing at my chest, leaving me clawing at my throat for air as my whole world shatters. 

[rogue-barnes-16]

WHEN YOU COME BACK (part II/II)

Summary: After months of being friends with benefits, the dangerous agreement backfires and Bucky’s feelings for Y/n are exposed. Instead of talking it out, they make the situation worse, and it might get more difficult after a dangerous mission.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: angst w/ a pleasant ending

Tags:

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, injuries

A/N: here it is my dudes. It was, for some reason I can't understand, heavily inspired by When the party's over by Billie Eilish, Haunted by Melanie Martinez, and What about us by P!nk. Just a little curiosity for y'all, hope you enjoy <3.

Part I

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

That night that we accidentally found each other in a shitty bar on our way out of Stark's house after Tony and Natasha's funeral, we shouldn't have lost control.

We wouldn't be in this situation, maybe I would haven't fallen that hard for him, and maybe he wouldn't think he loves me now.

We probably would be friends, close friends, or at least regular people who don't have to hide that they're sleeping with each other.

"Hey there, stranger." his voice was broken. He stumbled to the booth I was occupying, and I realized he was somehow as drunk as me. "rough week?"

"rough five years." I corrected him, sniffing. "It doesn't seem to get better." I felt the lump in my throat mixed with my hoarse voice as I chucked another shot of tequila. When I looked up at him, I noticed how red her eyes were. "what's wrong?"

"A lot." he replied, easing his position to rest against the backrest of the booth. "Never got to tell Natalia I remember." he shrugged. "Also wanted to... Apologize to Stark. Didn't get the chance to." he shut his eyes.

"Somethin' else." I stated more than questioned. "it's somethin' else."

He hesitated before looking at me with glassy eyes "can I tell you a secret?" I nodded lazily, muttering an 'always'. "Steve's leaving."

"What?" I frowned, sitting upright. "Where?"

He shook his head no with a sad smile in his face, a sad smile that held little happiness and too much sorrow. "When, not where."

"Director Carter..." I spoke in low voice, and Bucky nodded at me. I looked down, not knowing what to say. "at least he's got his happy ending."

"Yeah." tears streamed down his face as he drank from what I recognized as Thor's flask. "I'm happy for him." I tilted my head in disbelief and he denied slowly. "I really am."

"It's just the two of us now, Bucky." I whispered leaning against the wall to face him. "you should be selfish once in a while" I advised, scooting closer to him. "say what you think, no matter who gets hurt." our thighs were brushing as I leaned on him a little too close to whisper something in his ear. "you don't owe anything to this fucked up world."

His head spun and our eyes met. "I don't." he affirmed, letting his hand drop to my thigh as mines traveled to his hair. "you don't either." he bit his lip and I sighed. "You don't have to be strong all the time."

"what...?" I questioned quietly, too focused on his lips to even process what he was saying.

"Allow yourself to cry for 'em doll." his mutter made me let out a strained, shaky breath, remembering why I had hidden in a bar in order to numb my pain, remembering why I hadn't stayed with the rest in Pepper's house. "It's just the two of us now, Y/n..."

I looked up at him through glassy, blurred eyes just to see his in the same state. His eyes flickered to my lips, just like mines had been staring St him that whole time, and something took over the both of us.

It was probably the sadness, at least partially, and the thinking that losing more wasn't possible anymore, what made us close the gap in a sloppy, needy kiss, which would be the first of many, that night and the followings.

I had desperately wanted to apologize to Bucky for two days, in hopes of getting our friendship back.

I figured he didn't inform me he was back because he didn't want to see me, and that mere thought made my heart shrink until it physically hurt.

I was getting dressed when my phone buzzed. "Sam?" I called him, utterly confused. Sam rarely phoned me, he would just show up at my door. "what's wrong?"

"The mission went wrong. So fucking wrong." I couldn't ask about Bucky before he resumed his narration. "Listen to me carefully, 'cause he made me promise I wouldn't tell you shit."

"what- why?" I inquired, sitting down in my couch.

"Those fuckers were shooting me, there was no way I could dodge all of 'em, and that dumbass jumped in fucking front of me." his voice was strained due to the anger and the worry, and I felt my heart pounding against my chest. "he received two bullets. He's in the Avengers' private hospital. Pepper got us in."

"he what..." I was already grabbing my things to rush there, but he spoke again.

"you can't come, he'll kill me if he sees you here." Sam pointed out.

"why the fuck are you telling me then, Wilson?" it was desperate, and it was shaky, but I managed to get that question put of me without breaking.

"What the hell? 'Cause you're good for him, and I don't want you to think he dumped whatever you guys have." I stood there, my mouth in agape at his words. "Sharon's telling me she'll take care of the paperwork so we can go home in a couple of days."

"okay..."

"Go see him at his apartment on... Monday." he advised me. "at 9 pm, he won't have an excuse to avoid you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite the fact that he knew I would definitely not forget about the day and the time he had told me, on Sunday Sam called to remind me it, and also to inform me that he had just left Bucky’s apartment. He was now there resting, and would be until tomorrow morning.

On Monday, at 9 pm I was carefully knocking on Bucky’s door, and he answered in no time.

"Sam, you better bring Chinese food you promised or-" he stood there, resting all his weight against the door and the door frame, taking in the fact that I was there. "Fuck..."

I had planned a whole speech, apologizing for what I had said in a thousand different ways, telling him how much I didn't want to lose him, and maybe, just maybe, confessing my feelings about him.

But everything was gone the moment I saw his bruises, his bandaged body under the tee, peeking out of the collar, the way he barely could stand upright.

Everything was gone. "what the fuck..."

"he told you, didn't he?" I couldn't even look at him in the eye, but I just knew he didn't either, just by how hurt and tired his voice sounded. "that's why you're here."

"I—"

"I'm fine Y/n..." he assured me, bitterness fading from his voice the second he started to sympathize with how I must be feeling, the second he imagined the situation reverted. The way guilt and fear most likely would have been killing him slowly. "I just need a few days to heal... You don't need to—"

He gasped when I my arms embraced him almost desperately as I tried to convince myself that I wouldn't lose him. "I swear on my fuckin' life, Barnes—" I choked on my words and he wrapped his arms around me not without closing the door to rest his back against it. "don't do this to me alright?" he took a deep breath with his nose buried on my crown as his thumbs caressed both my back and my shoulder. "don't-- I can't lose you... Not you-- please not you."

I didn't realize I was sobbing until I didn't feel my tears on his shirt. "You won't" ha assured me, trying to keep his voice uniform for me not to notice that he was crying too. "I'll heal soon, don't worry." his breath was sharp as he squeezed my body against him, despite the pain that he most probably was feeling. "I got you."

I pulled away when my hands accidentally sneak under his shirt and felt the bandages. "you gotta lay down."

"yeah, you're probably right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're here to apologize 'cause you feel guilty or bad... Don't." he requested, looking up at me from my lap. "you really don't need to." his voice slowly started to drop when I ran my hands through his hair. "It was my fault... I shouldn't have... Said..."

"I love you."

"yeah."

"No, Bucky." I stopped my motions and looked at him dead in the eye. "I love you. I have done for a long time." he was quiet. "When you said... I really didn't wanna believe it... I don't know I just—" I sighed, shutting my eyes and leaning against the backrest. "I don't-- I don't wanna lose more people that I love and if I didn't say it out loud, I felt-" I took a deep breath, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "I felt like I wouldn't lose--"

I didn't even feel when he had propped himself up to reach me, I only felt his velvety soft lips against mine in the most loving, sweet kiss I had ever had.

"I get it, but we... We gotta be brave." he stated, laying down again with a wince, gazing into my now open eyes. "we don't have regular lives... And I didn't wanna say it out loud either but... I- I needed you to know." I nodded, letting my fingers ran through his short hair once more. "I don't wanna lose you, but let's be honest, that possibility exist, and..." his voice started to drop again, slowly being lulled by my touch. "I'd rather having you know how much... How much you mean to me... Than regretting not... Tellin' ya all my life..."

"You're right." I replied, leaning over to peek his lips, and then his forehead. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted... I really, really am." my thumb rubbed lazily his forehead as my eyes observed him with the love I finally was able to disclose.

"Y/n." I hummed. "lay down with me, please." he requested, lifting for my to move my legs. "I wanna hug you again." I complied without hesitation, being careful not to hurt him. "I love you." He whispered in my ear, pulling me up to rest half of my body over him.

"I love you too."

[themonkeycabal]

Do you have anything written with Peter/Spiderman yet?

No, sorry. Just one where Tony and Darcy are talking about him. I did write a thing where Darcy picks him up from school once, but I wrote that before Homecoming and he doesn’t sound right to me. 

I think I saw part of the Tony and Darcy one when I was tagging, but it was only like half. They’re arguing about the Sokovia Accords and Tony’s contemplating approaching Spider-Man. I shall post it for you if you like:

*

“They’re shit.”

Tony sighed and rubbed a hand across his jaw. “I don’t have a choice, kid.”

Darcy sighed right after him and lowered her forehead onto the table. “I know.”

“We’ll fix ‘em, but first I’ve got to get everybody on board. I know it sucks, I know they’re shit. But, damn it,” Tony snarled and thumped a fist on the armrest of his chair. “They’re going to go after Wanda.”

“Pietro?”

“Well, if he can ever breathe on his own again, yeah. Right now, he’s not a threat, but she is.”

“To the bad guys,” she said with a sour grumble.

“Sweetheart, not everybody sees things like you do. I wish they did.” He drummed his fingers on the table and twitched while he played a video file on the monitor mounted on the wall. “With the Inhumans, nobody’s thinking rationally right now.”

“Damn it,” Darcy muttered and raised her head to prop her chin on her hand. “I’m going to lose the fight on the Index issue.”

“For now,” he agreed. “For now we just have to keep everything from getting worse. I screwed up. I … screwed up.” He fell silent for a moment, but his nostrils flared and the lines around his eyes went tight. “But, I just need everybody to calm the fuck down, then …”

“But, if we set up something this rigid, then changing it’s gonna be hell.”

“Isn’t this why you studied Poli-sci? Isn’t this what you told me it was for? Working the politicians?” He shot her a tense, crooked smile. “I guess you’re up to bat.”

“Great.” She chewed on her lower lip and stared at the monitor. “So, who’s the kid?”

“I don’t know. You think he’s a kid?”

She scrunched up her nose and considered the video for a second and nodded. He was slender, but in a smallish, not-fully-grown way, rather than just a skinny dude. Like he was still growing into his arms and legs. “I think I want to steal his lunch money.”

“Yeah,” Tony said quietly, staring at the monitor and the figure in red swinging between two buildings in lower Manhattan. “Another damned kid.”

“Inhuman?”

“How do you tell from a distance? We’ve got a wackjob in red in Hell’s Kitchen — different guy in red. But, there’s that chick, too. The one who jumps. Weird shit going on over there. Stay out of the Kitchen, Darce.”

“Bucky lives there.”

Tony groaned and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Damn it.”

“Hey, believe me, I don’t want to get into that. And I don’t want him involved in any of that shit, either. Mostly that feels like a mob war. I’m trying to get him to move to Brooklyn sooner rather than later.”

“SHIELD keeping an eye on that?”

“From a distance.”

“You?”

“Not me.”

“Good.”

“I’m good by not getting involved, honest. Besides the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen seems to be on top of it. Because that’s all comforting and shit. Let him and the cops handle it.” She thought of how that sounded, and winced a little. “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that there’s so much other stuff going on.”

“Hey, we’re all spread thin.” He jerked his chin at the monitor. Grainy, jumpy ATM video of the red-suited kid dropping down off the side of a building onto a mugger. “Looks like we’ve got guys on the ground.”

“He looks like we should give him a sippy cup and a nap. Are you kidding?”

“He’s wearing a mask. You can’t tell that.”

“It’s his size, and how he moves. He’s young. Come on, you can tell.”

“I’m choosing to be in denial about this.” He flipped through a few more video files and pulled another up, the kid grabbing an out of control car before it could hit a dog-walker tangled in a half dozen leashes. “Strong.”

“Freakishly.”

“Hey.”

“That wasn’t judgmental. Geez, you’re sensitive today.”

“I think you’re right; that’s a kid.” He shoved his tablet aside, revealing a copy of the Daily Bugle; he slid it over to her. There was a distant shot of the guy on a water tower somewhere. The headline screamed 'Vigilante Menace Spreads to Mid-Town!’

“You want me to find him?” Darcy asked.

“No. I mean, yes, if you want to look for him. I’ve got Friday plotting a map of where he’s showing up most often. Mostly around Queens — Elmhurst, Rego Park, Forest Hills. He’s living somewhere in there.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t approach him. Let me.”

“If it’s a kid, maybe I’ll be less—”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he cut her off, “but I don’t want him on SHIELD’s radar yet.”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, feeling a little stung.

“The Accords are on me, Darcy. Let me deal with this. That’s all it is, I promise.”

“Sure.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’m not being like anything. You’re right. I don’t know what’s going on with SHIELD, so, that’s a good plan.”

“You’re still sticking?”

“I guess it depends on how this all shakes out with the Accords. Which are shit, by the way.”

“I know. I know they’re shit. What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. Sorry.”

“God,” he breathed out on a harsh breath. “No, talk to me. You’re the only person I trust to be rational here.”

“Everybody panicked. You panicked. They rammed these through. I don’t even know how they managed to pass them through all those committees so fast. That’s like, unheard of.”

“King T'Chaka is persuasive.”

“I guess. And everything I’ve ever heard about him says he’s a good man, not even a teeny-tiny whiff of scandal anywhere near him. So, I’m okay trusting him, but we know the WSC was compromised. Who’s to say this UN council won’t be, too? And even if it’s not, when we’re talking about something like the Dark Elves or Chitauri, are we all just supposed to sit there while some committee decides what to do? How many people will that kill?”

“There has to be a line, Darcy. We are not above the law. We are not … we can’t operate like this. We can be the response team, but we have to be in check, too. Or what? What’s to stop us the day we decided somebody’s a threat before they even do anything? Are we judge, jury, executioner? And we’ll just roll into any country we want, destroy cities, lives, in our drive for that rightness?”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m not. But, the way the Accords are set up, there’s no room to move in an emergency. And registration? God, I don’t like that. I just don’t like that. Why target individuals with powers? I’m pretty sure SHIELD will sign, but the problem is that then every individual powered person within SHIELD has to sign, too. And then every operation with a powered agent has to be submitted to review. What bullshit is that?”

“You’ll have to sign. I’ve had a request to disclose who has a suit — so you and Rhodey. I haven’t reported it yet, I can bury you, but if you’re ever spotted in it —”

“Don’t perjure yourself on my account.”

“Will you sign?”

“I don’t know, dad. I don’t know. Probably. Because you’re right, there has to be a line. The Avengers’ power needs to have a balance. I just don’t like the Accords, and I know we can change them, but I don’t like putting my name to something that’s starting out so deeply flawed. What am I agreeing to? Even if it can be changed?”

“I know.”

“The part about the Raft.”

“I knew you’d hate that.”

“Extraordinary detention? Where’s due process?”

“It’s temporary.”

“With Ross in charge? My ass it’s temporary.”

“I want it noted, I’m fighting his appointment. Jesus, I’ve had meetings on the Hill all week, and I’ll have more all next week. And then the hearings. Christ. I hate that town.”

“I hope you win, because he’s an f'in disaster all by himself.” She snarled a little and shook her head. “How does he still have a job? After Harlem and all that shit.”

“There are too many people who invested too much into him,” Tony said with a disgusted twist of his lips.

[rockinthebeastmode]

Bad Apple IX

A/N: Apologies this took a bit! I had maybe ~half of this one planned out and then had to figure out what happened next 😂 the next one should be a little smoother and longer, as we’re nearing the end. This is another Rae and Finn only part as well--Hope you enjoy!

Bad Apple I       Bad Apple II     Bad Apple III     Bad Apple IV     Bad Apple V     Bad Apple VI     Bad Apple VII     Bad Apple VIII

You can find the rest of my fics here.

@mmfdfanfic @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus @lilaviolet@laurielau @hey1tskat1e@tinakegg @kneekeyta @likeashootingstarfades @girl-looking-out-window @stinemarine @lurkernolonger @crystalgiddings1993 @milllott @milymargot @vivammfd @finn-nelson-for-the-win @ifinallyknow @isthistherightwayround @believethaticanandiwill

Let me know if you want to be added/removed from the tag list and if I missed anyone :)

Bad Apple IX

Rae and Finn sat at his kitchen table, beers in front of them. He leaned on his elbows, running both hands through his hair.

“I dunno where to start,” he said, Rae smiling softly. She took his hands on the table.

“Start at the beginning.” Finn nodded, furrowing his brow.

“Well...you know how my mum left a few years ago…” he started, Rae grimacing a bit. She was painfully reminded of their argument.

“I’d just turned thirteen and was in middle school with Arch, Chop, Simmy, and Macca. Simmy and I barely talked--he wasn’t into football like the rest of us.” Rae raised a brow at him and he bit his lip but continued, “My mum leaves and he’s there, saying he’d been through it too.”

“The whole town was talking about it. My dad was a mess, my nan had started to get sick, and I was…” he trailed off, his eyes met hers and she could see the pain behind his hard expression, “I was bad. It was too much--Archie and Chop tried but they didn’t understand. Not like Simmy did,” he frowned, shaking his head a bit.

“I started hanging out with him...blowing Chop and Arch off to go cause trouble,” he laughed dryly, giving her a small smile.

“Simmy can get away with murder because his dad’s chief of police. We’d get caught at first and Evans would clear it up. Of course, he can’t clear school records so…” he half shrugged, Rae biting her lip and nodding.

“Then we got older and better,” he smirked and Rae rolled her eyes, unable to help a smile, “I was almost fifteen when we met Kendo.” Finn’s eyes lowered and he cleared his throat.

“We were just buying spliff from him for awhile but he told us we could get in on a side project of his--he was stealing cars and selling ‘em, running drugs, you name it. You get what you pay for, yeah?” he disclosed, leaning closer to her, “He knows Simmy has this town in his back pocket and then the wanker fucking mentions I can hotwire cars and we’re in.”

Rae inhaled slowly, squeezing his hands. He raised his eyes to hers and she nodded for him to continue.

“We started working for him; Simmy would scope out the car, I’d take it and Macca would drive it outta town,” Finn explained before shaking his head, “It’s easy money--I figured I could live off of that if I got kicked out of school,” he paused, looking at her intensely, “Then you came along.”

Rae’s eyes widened, his eyes leaving hers and his lips flattening.

“We started a job the first week of school. When I was skipping, I was with my nan a couple of those days...but I was also out with Simmy and Macca, planning things out. I was supposed to get the car and take it out to Rutlands a few days ago--”

“But you were with me,” Rae finished. Finn nodded and licked his lips.

“Simmy called to tell me to do it that night but I didn’t want to...not anymore,” he looked her face over, Rae’s breath shallowing, “I tried to get out and well...you heard it.”

He stopped speaking, taking a deep breath. Rae’s brow wrinkled.

“The job’s done?” Finn frowned and nodded, looking down at the table. She rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles.

“We’ll figure it out,” she assured with a smile. She scrunched her nose when Finn raised her hands and kissed them.

“You hungry? I could make us something. Or order takeout?” Finn raised his brows and Rae looked to the side, slowly removing her hands from his.

“I should probably go,” she replied quietly, smiling at his frown.

“Do you have to? I mean…” he trailed off, leaning closer and lowering his voice, “It’s just dinner, Rae.”

Their eyes were locked, Finn’s searching her face while Rae debated internally.

“Please stay,” he said, softening his voice further. Rae found herself nodding before she could think about it.

“Okay...I’ll stay for dinner.”

***

Rae tilted her beer up and took a sip, feeling Finn’s stare burning into her. She kept her eyes on the TV and settled back into the loveseat, her arm just brushing Finn’s. He’d ordered pizza ten minutes before and it would arrive within the hour. She leaned forward for the remote on the coffee table and Finn snatched it up.

“Hand it over, Nelson. I won’t be forced into watching football,” Rae protested, swiping at it. Finn held it away, raising his brows.

“I wasn’t gonna put football on,” he scoffed, faux innocence dripping from his voice.

“Bollocks,” Rae said, laughing. He changed the channel and when Rae saw the players on a field, she leaned into him, reaching for the remote. He held it out to the side, her fingers just brushing it.

“You’re being a rude guest, Rae,” he snickered, keeping his arm stiff as Rae knelt around him to reach.

“You’re being a shit host, Finley,” she argued, grinning when Finn laughed. He leaned back over the arm of the couch, holding the remote as far out as he could. She lost her balance and fell against him, bracing herself on his chest. Still laughing, Finn brought his free hand to her waist.

“Y’alright?” he bit his lip with a grin, his laughter trailing off. Their faces were mere inches apart and when Rae’s eyes flicked to his lips, he kissed her.

Finn kissed her like he had forever, their lips brushing unhurriedly. Her hands moved to his collarbones, her fingertips fluttering against his throat. The remote dropped abruptly from his outstretched hand and Rae nipped his lip, smirking into the kiss.

He ran his fingers through her hair and gripped the nape of her neck, swiping his tongue along her bottom lip. He moaned lowly when her mouth parted and his tongue curled with hers. His hands made their way down her waist to her thighs and pulled her legs up and around him. She sat back in his lap and he moved his hips into hers.

Rae sighed against his lips, rubbing herself on him. She whimpered as they built a rhythm, Finn kissing her thoroughly. She pressed against him harder and he grunted, his breath shortening. He brought his hand between them, his fingers grazing her inner thigh, when the doorbell rang, breaking them apart quickly. Rae moved off of him and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Finn stood slowly and went towards the door, tying a flannel around his waist on the way.

What are you doing, Rae?

She watched him answer the door and take the pizza into the kitchen, chewing her lip. Finn came back and leaned against the doorway.

“Pizza’s here, girl,” he said, breathless but nonchalant. Rae nodded, rubbing her temples.

“Be there in a tic,” she replied quietly, “My head’s banging.”

“Y’know what’s good for headaches?” he started, grinning when her eyes narrowed.

“If you say orgasms, I’m kicking you in the bollocks.”

“No,” he laughed before raising his brows, “Vodka.”

***

Rae sat at the table and opened the pizza box across it while Finn grabbed a bottle from the cabinet and set it next to the box.

“I’ll get glasses--” he stopped, watching as Rae took the bottle and started unscrewing the top.

“Don’t bother,” she said before taking a swig, her mouth twisting at the taste. His lips quirked and he sat down, Rae handing him the bottle. He raised it to her with a small smirk.

“Cheers.” He tipped the bottle into his mouth and Rae kept her eyes anywhere but him, doling out napkins and moving their beers closer. He picked up a slice and bit into it as she sipped her beer.

“I hope you weren’t planning on going home drunk,” he informed her, chewing through a smile when she gave him a look.

“I can find my way home, Finn.”

“What would Chloe say?” he asked, raising a brow. She narrowed her eyes as she took a bite.

“Fair enough,” she retorted before raising her beer for a gulp, “Maybe I’ll stop here.”

“Oh right?” he smiled over the top of his beer, “I agreed to that?”

She tilted her head at him, barely holding back a grin.

“C’mon, Finn,” she started, wrinkling her nose, “Don’t be a shit host.”

He licked his lips and huffed out a laugh, looking off to the side.

When they’d finished eating, Finn cleared the table as Rae raised the bottle for another swig. It dropped to the table when she felt his breath on her neck.

“Want dessert?” he whispered, Rae shivering as his lips nearly touched her ear.

“Depends on what it is,” she breathed, Finn chuckling huskily. She blinked a few times when his warmth left her and he came around the table. He wiggled his brows at her, gesturing at the fridge.

“Ice cream?”

***

Finn’s spoon clinked against Rae’s and she elbowed him in the stomach.

“You’re taking all the good bits, knobhead,” she grumbled, nudging his spoon away with hers.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” he answered, talking through a mouthful of chocolate chips. She shot him a glare and brought her hand to his hip. She smirked when her fingers fluttered over his side and he jumped.

“Don’t even think about it,” he warned, waving his spoon at her. His eyes widened when she put the ice cream down and he inched away from her on the small couch.

“Rae, don’t--” his voice broke off into a reluctant laugh and he grabbed for her hands on his waist. She rose to her knees, dodging his hands and tickling him relentlessly. She broke out into giggles when he gave up fighting her and tickled her back.

They grinned breathlessly when he managed to grab her wrists and entwine their fingers.

“Give it up, girl. I got you beat,” he panted, chuckling as she stuck her tongue out at him. She pressed against his hands, narrowing her eyes at him.

“We’ll see about that.”

They wrestled against each other, Rae gradually pushing him to the edge of the couch. She barked a laugh when he slid off and landed on his arse with a grunt. He raised his brows at her and pulled her off the couch onto him. Before she could react, he flipped them, holding her hands down.

“Who’s laughing now,” he smirked, both of them breathing heavily. She licked her lips, Finn watching the movement. He adjusted his weight over her and she stayed silent, meeting his eyes. She inclined her head to his with her lips parted and he kissed her without another word.

[lglorien]

I was tagged by @hithelleth a week or so ago, and I was abroad for five days, but I can finally do this. Thank you for tagging me! :D

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

For now, I’m not tagging anyone in particular - any of my followers are very welcome to do this, so scratch before, I’m tagging all my followers if they want to answer these 21 questions. :)

Nickname: Too embarassing to disclose to the public. :) My sister and I have the weirdest nicknames for each other, and only we get them. They’re all an inside joke, so yes, that’s our thing hehe. I’ve been called Nena, although I’m not a fan of this one, and I have this co-worker who calls me ‘sweetie’ sometimes; she’s like this cool aunt to everybody, super sweet.

Zodiac: Virgo, and 80% of the characteristics listed for this sign hold true for me. Oh man lol.

Height: 170.5 cm, which is 5′6. 

Last movie I saw: I think I re-watched Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallow II in its entirety a couple of weeks ago. I had a few very busy weeks (over now, thank God), so I didn’t have much time to watch movies, or TV shows. 

Last thing googled: The weather forecast, just before I started answering these questions lol. I feel like such a grandma. :)

Favorite musician: Oh, I LOVE music, and I love a lot of musicians. I divide my faves into two groups: pre-2005 and post-2005 haha. So, a few of the ‘new’ ones: Florence + The Machine, Bat for Lashes, Lewis del Mar, Twenty-One Pilots, Vast, Hozier, Years & Years (totally pop-y, but I love ‘em)  ... From my ‘oldies and forever awesome’ group comes music that’s mostly rock, alternative rock, Britpop, some metal and hip hop / rap. Bands like Queen, Oasis, The Verve, Gorillaz, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, U2, Nine Inch Nails, Nightwish, Within Temptation, The Prodigy, Nas ... And Enya, original movie scores and classical music fit neither group, but I freaking love them all! Also, I’m sure a forgot a good number of my fave musicians, but you can check my music tag for more.

Song stuck in my head: Freaking ‘Treat you Better’ by freaking Shawn Mendes, which is so not my scene, but two girls sang it at school today, and confirmed it was Shawn Mendes, and the song’s stuck in my head. I’ve caught myself humming it to myself a few times today haha.

Other blogs: @lightsofnorth For all the artsy stuff that doesn't fit this fandom-related blog. Fashion, photography, food (mostly desserts) and mythology. Go check it out. :)

Do I get asks: An occasional ask, though very rare, from an anon, but mostly messages. I do get messages, I’m just extremely bad at replying to them. It takes me ages, and I’m so sorry for it. I love you, guys, I really do, I’m just shit at replying normally.

Following: 88 blogs. That’s a lot haha. Maybe I should see if there are any inactive ones out there?

Amount of sleep: I need my 8 hours of sleep, or I don’t function properly and make plans for an afternoon nap at 7 am. 7 hours will get me through the day, but I won’t be happy about it, and 6 hours ... don’t look at me after only 6 hours of sleep, just let me push through the day and go take a proper one-hour nap.

Lucky number: I don’t believe in lucky numbers, but for some reason, I like the look and idea of the number 5. Hmm.

What I’m Wearing: A baggy long-sleeved shirt, sweats, and a thin cardigan. Very casual.

Dream Job: I happen to have it - I’m a teacher. I feel super blessed to have this job. Getting a good job is mostly a matter of luck, even though I personally worked very hard to get mine, but in the end, it was still down to sheer luck. I have three dream jobs - writer, teacher, translator of fiction. And teacher I became. :)

Dream Trip: I don’t travel often, but I have visited some of my dream destinations, like London, Vienna, Salzburg and Venice. I’d like to go to Scotland, Ireland, Scandinavia, the Netherlands, Versailles in France, Bavaria in Germany ... Travelling is a stressful thing for me, though, so one step at a time. I’ll get to those places when the time is right, I don’t feel rushed.

Favorite Food: Italian, all the way, especially spaghetti bolognese, and a good tiramisu for dessert.

Play Any Instruments: A little bit of the piano, and a few chords on the guitar, so I’m not sure the guitar counts. I mean, I do know enough chords to cover basic songs very poorly lol. I can play basic piano, mostly because that’s kind of a necessity when you take singing lessons. I took two years of piano in primary school, then quit until I started taking singing lessons in college, and you have to be able to accompany yourself a little bit on the piano when you practice, so I also had to improve my piano-playing abilities a bit. I’m not skilled at it, far from it, but I can play some simple pieces (using both hands, not just one). Like, for example, a poorly executed version of Victor’s piano solo at the start of The Corpse Bride. It’s all I can play now (awkwardly, let me stress that again), it’s the only thing I’ve practiced in a long time lol. The beginning is kinda smooth, and then the fun starts haha.

Languages: Slovene, English, German. I need to brush up on my German some more, but I’ve been in contact with the language for the last five years and have improved. I’m going to start reading novels in German again because I want to get to the level of German I was capable of 15 years ago. I understand Italian and Spanish, but can only speak basic Italian and even less Spanish. I read both languages fluently and I learned Italian for four years, but not practicing makes your tongue - and brain - forget how to form phrases that you recognise when hearing them. Such a shame, really. 

Random Fact: I sing in the car, but not in the shower, and I start my day with a piece of chocolate. :)

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: autumn, spring, books, (mint) chocolate, lace, blue sky, tea cups, rings, earrings, ballet flats, Oxford shoes.

[rayonfrozenwings]

Dreams Again

Waiting in the Freezing Dark Chapter 3: Dreams Again

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS and after Chapter 1: What Box sweetheart? , Chapter 2: Goodnight Cassian, the story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

This Chapter is Nesta-centric. And a shortish one before a longer one - that i’m still writing... so it will be at least a week away unless i get the writing bug...  I’ve loved hearing feedback from the previous chapters too :).

Also i’m sorry for all you sweet people because - yes, its going to get angsty. <3 love you all.  

Wc: 1734

Tagging by request: @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising  @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @lady-katkat,@photofeesh, @study-read-repeat @verifiefangirl​, @queen-archeron,@bookofmirth, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle–warrior-scribe @librarian-of-velaris@anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @bookofmirth, @acoaas , 

(Just let me know if you wish to be added/removed from this list - its already growing.)

Nesta

The sun poured in through her bedroom window as Nesta began dressing for the day. Cassian had woken early, eaten his breakfast and then knocked loudly on her door. Having no common decency at all and destroying any hope she had of sleeping until noon. He had left to see Devlon, his old camp lord, at the behest of his high lord. Apparently he was needed urgently but decided not to disclose why. So now Nesta had the whole house to herself.

Perfect.

Cassian had thought she had stopped her drinking but she knew he was a good soldier and followed orders. He would report back to Feyre and Rhysand all her habits and she didn’t want anyone getting in her business - not this time. Strategy was important when playing a long game, and she didn't need the arguments about her drinking. Now that she was alone she could have a few glasses of wine and read her latest acquisition. 

Perfect Bliss, no distractions.

Her dreams over the last week had been preventing her from sleeping soundly. Talking with Cassian last week stirred up grief she had kept locked away and it was invading her thoughts while she slept. Cassian had been teasing her about snoring - something Nesta knew she did not do. Her dreams were hard to pin down and describe but she often woke in a cold sweat during the night. Shadowy figures, then red - always red would flood her vision, battle raging on, high fae in meetings, snarling, illyrians falling from the sky, white hot light pouring from the cauldron. Last night’s dream was of her father and his final moments. It was becoming too much. With Cassian gone, Nesta could drink and sleep without fear of her memories.

If only she had a bottle of wine.

Cassian had emptied the house of it after the last evening of libations went south. The only thing left was that vile amber liquid he seemed to enjoy. Emerie frowned upon her drinking but did not stop her doing it. Maybe another reason why Nesta liked her company - she knew when to keep her mouth shut.

Nesta quickly buttoned up her overcoat, closing the house up behind her and she walked out the door. The day was brisk but she was becoming accustomed to the cold. Nothing layers and a quick walk couldn’t fix. Nesta’s muscles were getting stronger walking up and down the street to Emerie’s shop from her place. She still refused to train with the females like Cassian wanted but she was becoming stronger in this setting of thin air and steep hills, without too much effort on her part. Her boots crunched on the gravel path, sliding left and right as she ascended the slope on the uneven ground. Emerie’s shop was one of the larger buildings, a two story wood paneled building, it had beautiful views of the camp since it was higher on the hill.

The door was closed to keep the heat in but the shop was open. Customers still hadn’t warmed up to Emerie and her position, so it was often quiet. Perfect for Nesta, hiding from the rest of the camp in plain sight. She walked up the steps and into the store. Emerie was organising some of her new stock to the right of the counter.

“What brings you here before noon?” her deep honeyed voice called out to Nesta.

“Very funny, I decided to come see you, isn’t that enough?”

“Nes, you never come to just see me.” Emerie replied. “So what’s the real reason? You have been a little MIA this week…” a pause “Is Casian training?”

Nesta hated how Emerie could see right through her, but she knew it was her own fault, Em was just someone who Nesta could open up to without any effort, without any fear. It did not make any logical sense since Cassian introduced the two of them. But Nesta knew that Emerie held no loyalty to him or anyone else over her. Emerie was a fresh start.

“Well Cassian has gone away for a wee while so I thought I would come and spend some time with you. Unless you don’t want me to, I can go.”

“You’re not going to go Nes, you’re not telling me the full story either.” she turned to look at me with that piercing stare and then continued to tidy her summer blankets.

“I love your company and I came to offer my help” Nesta defended.

“I don’t need any help.”

“Exactly Em, so maybe you should stop asking me why im here so I won’t find something to do”, Nesta’s tone sharp, that fire burning behind her eyes boring into Emerie, she did not want to discuss her dreams or feelings or anything today - she just wanted a drink. “Any new red’s recently?”

“Ahh... I see. Have a look over by the window... there is a crate there.” Nesta turned to look and Emerie continued “The good ones have the dusty pink labels with golden writing - I managed to get a shipment from the Dawn court two weeks ago. I thought I might be able to keep it for a while this time, since about a month ago I had Cassian telling me who I could and couldn’t sell wine to.”

Nesta glared over her shoulder, Emerie still had her back to her tidying the shelves. Simple words with a pointed delivery.

“It’s none of his business what I drink!” Nesta said as she pulled out one of the bottles Emerie described.

“That’s what I told him, I also told him it was none of his business who I sold my products to.” She turned to Nesta and walked over to a cupboard above their heads, pulling out two wine glasses. “He also can’t tell me who I can drink with or when I can drink.” Both women smiled and sat down in the chairs by the window. Emerie ran the shop by herself so having a place to sit while waiting for those elusive customers was important. Plus if your best wine connoisseur wants some company how can you say no? Nesta opened the bottle and poured two glasses.

“Add it to Cassian’s tab, and I’ll take a few bottles home with me as well  - when I leave”

“Sure, what’s going on Nes?”

“Dreams again”

“I don’t mind drinking with you, but you might want to find a better way to address that.”

Head tilted Nesta calmly replied “I thought you weren’t going to tell me what I can and can’t do?”

Emerie sighed “Nesta I just want you to be safe and not remembering who you are or what you are doing or where you are going is not staying safe. You are a high fae for cauldrons sake! In an Illyrian camp. Staying with a commander who isn’t that well liked! To top it off you are friends with me. It’s not the most sensible way to stay out of trouble. Add the wine and its a recipe for disaster.”

Nesta drank more of her wine and looked at Emerie closely, her friend who had been so supportive - was telling her what to do, Em hadn’t even touched her glass, while Nestas was half gone.

“Nesta its eleven in the morning, are you sure you wouldn’t like a cup of tea?” Emerie pleaded.

“I think wine is fine, you go back to your cleaning and i’ll enjoy the sun from your window, I don’t particularly feel like going home yet.” Nesta’s tone had turned icy she felt the pull on their friendship and wondered how much longer it would last. Amren’s patience had worn thin - how much longer before Emerie gave up on her too.

“Fine Nes. You drink. I’ll clean. When your done with your glass I’ll have those four bottles packaged up for you and you can leave. I’m not having you spill vile poison in here when your drinking.” Emerie had a short temper like Nesta and it was not the best combination when the both women locked horns. Her dark brown shined like glass, hard and seeing too much. She walked away from the seating area back to the main counter to dust.

Nesta was angry but also had not drunk enough to cause damage - yet. She didn’t want to lose Emerie, so she drank the rest of her wine in silence.

No one came into the store. Emerie continued tidying with silence stretching on. She placed four bottles into a bag, including some food too, a hard cheese and bread as well as a stew she had made the previous night. With Cassian gone Emerie knew Nesta would be avoiding cooking and wanted her to have some food with her liquid diet.  

Nesta had been home several hours, reading her book and drinking her wine in the sitting room, the sun was tracking lower in the sky and Nesta started to close all the curtains around the house, being alone was peaceful but being alone felt eerily similar to rejection. She had forgotten how lonely life could be with Cassian always around invading her space. She double checked that all the doors were locked and made her way to the kitchen table. She was onto her second bottle and grateful for Emerie and the food she had placed in the bag with her wine. Cold stew wasn’t great but it was better than an empty plate which she had planned on enjoying that evening.

Living with an illyrian warrior did have its advantages.

Especially when they loved food and didn’t mind sharing.

It would be even better when they figured out how to make things hot without using fire. Nesta took her soup to the sofa and had another glass or two reading her book as she went. The wine kept her warm as she read into the wee hours of the morning, a second bottle polished off. Nesta was tempted to go find one of the illyrians on patrol to share her bed, but was sure Cassian would have threatened them when she moved here. Her Velaris coping mechanisms didn’t seem to work in Windhaven, she just hoped to get some sleep tonight.

Head foggy and book in hand her feet padded along the floor to her room. She stripped down and pulled on a night shirt before climbing into bed.

Masterlist

[beowulfs-booty-call]

What’s it like dating me, a list and then some:

“You can feel the air grow chilled as you stepped into the clearing, the forest was filled to the brim with stars, so it seemed, and the cawing of the crows left you wondering just where exactly did you--” “This is a werewolf story isn’t it.” “No... Yes... I need practice, alright?”

Did you know Flannel is a great way to show that you are pro lumberjack but also that you are enforcing your woodland dominance?

Suspenders have never gone out of style, just the clothes you put them over on!

Cuddling and physical affection is something you don’t have to ask for

I will unconsciously and psychically know what you’re doing or call out things that happen. Don’t ask about it. Call it pack mentality (?) I just “know you well”.

I cannot by legal terms, answer the question “Who’s a good boy.” I am under pretense to wait to know the answer because I will unfortunately list too many people as the candidates.

Hair. Lots and lots of floof to comb and comb through with your fingers

Is that a full moon? Or are those squats working overtime?

Wolf propaganda

“I for one feel it is necessary for wolves to eat the rich and--”

Forest hikes

Chai lattes? Tea at 3 am? Lots of penning and small talk together? Set.

“Rutting season comes in August and December, changes every other year to a different month, usually through-”  “How do you know?” “Everyone gets horny. Some months more than others.”

Writing with clicking, clacking finger nails

Body hair out of control

Balls are not to be taken unless they are yours or someone throws them

You cannot physically catch balls. Unnecessary.

Gnashing teeth is not considered healthy. Unclenching them is self care

Body language includes: Head tilt, flopping on your back, constantly shifting, changing poses in bed until perfectly comfy™, and so on.

When changed, loosening shoulders and sitting up straight works wonders after a long night.

“Your main role? Tank. You will hold everyone in your arms if you must. It is your DESTINY.”

“I can lift 20 malamutes bro, get on my level.”

Dogs can smell your aura a mile away and will easily know my scent if I'm with you. Otherwise all dogs are our friends. Save for Johnny down the block, he said some nasty stuff about our geraniums.

Cats are fine but be prepared to have them know who I am in about a day or two. Many times I worship the ground they walk on or simply give them space. We are surprisingly diplomatic on the situations.

The saying “Be careful who you call ugly in high school” really does have weight, but, not in the way you might think.

Being a werewol

Being a hooman is all about understanding others in the world around you. This means being able to build boundaries and do things in a diplomatic fashion such as: Playing sports and 3 am tag with friends and family

Having the whole family visit time to time to let off some steam and enjoy the finer things in life

Watching your rascally cousins and nephews and nieces and keeping them busy

Cooking various meats in interesting fashions!

Hunting for those who can’t! Fishing is great too!

“Oh I’m not worried about the night, the night’s afraid of me.”

Howling is a forte and a gift to all with vocal chords, try it! You’ll like it!

I swear I’ve met this guy, Derek? Likes to be in charge all the time, but really nice when you get to know ‘em? He shows up sometimes on my forest hikes.

Religious Pokemon go usage is totally fine, in fact, encouraged on hikes! I’m already level 32 and making my way through all the places I can get! Hey, does anyone wanna trade...? I’ve got my Arcanine ready to go!

Denny’s is like the best place to go to after a hike with the gang, Ihop included but honestly? Who’s gonna chow down at Ihop after the whole Ihob debacle. We hang out on the back while Jerry gets us some free food.

You can probably see my eyes twinkle whenever you come around, it’s almost like... the day just brightens up hearing from you!

“What do you mean you can’t make-- Oh, I see, family emergency... Well I suppose we will just have to reschedule then, next week? Yes?” is a common occurrence for reasons not disclosed.

Full moon app is always on and at the time of writing this, it is now a waning crescent. The next full moon is--

“Werewolf... Prince? Sorry, that... doesn’t seem like me.” (You can very well see on his face, he’s blushing. He can barely answer you a yes or no.)

This was meant to be a werewolf propaganda post and I’d have some tongue in cheek writing style that goes from “Oh, well that seems to cute” to “Oh yeah, definite werewolf writing this.” but whoops, I really did that but no cutesy style other than confirming my status.

[smindersonfan]

Emma and D.O. TARDIS Adventures Episode 149

With help from Sonny and Raf’s paradox eater, which was given a tracking device in a collar by little Eleven, Emma was able to track down the baby that Rafael was gonna kill in “The Undiscovered Country”. With his parents permission, as well as that as the team itself, Emma took the tyke to the Siren doctor’s infirmary to be treated.

“He’s got a lot of health problems but in my world, they can easily be treated thanks to the advanced tech.” The Siren doctor encouraged the child’s parents.

“So he’ll be okay? He has a bright future ahead of him?” His mother asked.

“I guarantee it.” The Siren doctor comforted the mother as she cried into her arms. The father was just grateful he wasn’t gonna lose hope. Just then, Liv came in.

“How’s he doing?” Liv asked.

“The Siren doctor just assured us that he’ll pull through because of the medical advancements. Speaking of, the ASA that’s come by. The one who lost his father, I hear he has a sister battling Schizophrenia.” Emma said.

“Stone, yes. He recently disclosed that to us. But what about the baby? Does he have to stay in the infirmary indefinitely?” Liv asked.

“In order to get the treatments constantly, he’ll have to. But the Siren doctor also assures his parents can stay to be with him. There won’t be much of a choice in the matter, Liv.” Emma said. Suddenly, Raf, Peter and Sonny came in.

“Lieu. Is he okay?” Sonny asked.

“Emma just told us he’s gonna have to stay indefinitely. His parents will be here at all times though. According to her space doctor friend-” Liv got interrupted.

“The Siren doctor, yes. She treated me once. What does she say about his condition?” Sonny asked.

“With constant treatments she’s running into him now, he needs to stay here. Without them, there’s a grave chance he won’t survive let alone survive tonight.” Liv said. “But she also assures that the parents can stay in the infirmary with him to let him know they’re there.” Liv breathed deeply and touched Sonny’s shoulder. “Emma says there’s no other choice.” She said looking over at Rafael, who was talking to the parents.

“Mr. Barba, Mrs. Theta found our son so something dark wouldn’t happen involving you.” The mother explained when he asked how and why Emma did SVU’s job for them.

“Dark?” Raf asked. He then saw the look on Liv’s eyes when she was talking to Sonny.

“Conference?” Emma asked as they went into the TARDIS to talk as the Siren doctor continued her monitoring. ................................................................................................... “So I kill him in your world?” Raf asked as everything was explained. Emma hung her head low.

“You’re acquitted later but your career is shattered. You can’t continue to be ADA after what happened. It kills the Barisi tag on Tumblr according to my creator.” Emma said of the alternate universe where smindersonfan resides.

“And what? I leave Sonny?” Rafael shivered at that notion, but then he became sick to his stomach when Emma nodded her head.

“That’s why I did what I did. To prevent it.” Emma said.

“Marry me.” Raf turned to Sonny and Sonny’s eyes bulged.

“WHAT?!” Sonny gasped, still bulgy-eyed. “You really want to?”

“More than ever. Dominick, the few weeks we’ve shared as a couple aside from the three years we’ve had altogether as coworkers is even more crucial to how much I love you. The idea of you losing me, I don’t want to put you past that at all and the me in the universe where I do leave makes me punch myself for ever having that thought. Sonny, marry me.” Raf then got down on one knee and pulled out an engagement ring his mother had given him when he first told her about Sonny. “Please?” Raf whimpered out before Sonny lunged out of his spot on the couch and tackled Rafael before kissing him deeply, Liv’s mouth hanging open as her right eyebrow cocked.

“I’ll call Jack, see if I can get Judge Barth’s phone number. Liv, you get these two their marriage license.” Emma said as she sent Liv and the two lovebirds back to the Precinct via Indigo keys. She dealt with Peter last.

“Ah, you must be Peter Stone.” Emma said as she greeted Peter. “I’m Emma Theta.”

“Oh yeah, my dad said you once helped him get a witness to a safe point on another planet before he resigned. I didn’t know what he was talking about that day.” Peter said. “So this is your base of operations?”

“No, that’s my spaceship. It’s parked right over there. So from my understanding, you have a sister fighting Schizophrenia. If you want, the Siren doctor could take a look at her.” Emma offered.

“Now?” Peter asked. “It looks like she’s got her hands tied.” Peter said until Diana came in.

“Oh hi, Emma. Listen, Ben and I were thinking of going to a late night dinner to catch up later, I hope it’s okay.” Diana asked. Emma turned to the young girl and nodded.

“Hi, Diana. I don’t mind that at all as long as your parents don’t. Meanwhile, this is Peter. He has a sister named Pam who has mental health issues, could you go quickly and take her to the infirmary?” Emma asked.

“Sure. Let me set the coordinates on the vortex manipulator the Siren doctor gave me to come to work everyday. I use the Indigo key for the TARDIS to see Ben.” Diana explained as she set the coordinates Peter fed to her and she quickly left and reentered with Pam.

“What is this place?” Peter’s sister asked a little scared but at the same time, perplexed.

“Pam, this is a hospital.” Peter said as he embraced his sister. “But not like the ones where they poke and prod, they’re gonna try and up your dosage.” Peter said as Diana took care of the baby while the Siren doctor examined Pam. ................................................................................................... “Her psychosis isn’t far off that she’ll be unable to forget who her relatives are. But she definitely needs a higher dosage. I’m making a new drug that should work for now on her current stage.” The Siren doctor said as she brought in a cat nurse on fixing it. At the same time, Liv, Raf and Sonny came back with Jack, Judge Barth, Amanda, a marriage license and a change of clothes.

“Hide Sonny’s suit in your closet. I’m coming up with him to try it on.” Amanda said as she handed a drycleaning bag to Emma. ................................................................................................... Sonny tried the white tux on with ease. He was surprised he could fit into it. The bowtie, black in contrast to the white suit jacket, shirt and dress pants, was just a bit tight against his throat. The vest around the dress shirt was as black as the tie. He breathed deeply. He’d always thought of this moment, but he never thought it would come. Amanda came out to check on him.

“You look amazing. Emma’s coming in to check on you in a minute, but I thought I’d take a look first and the suit looks great.” Amanda said as she took a pic of the gushing groom.

“Thanks, Amanda.” Sonny said as he smiled at her. Suddenly, Chief Dodds came in.

“Detective, you and ADA Barba. Congratulations are in order.” Bill said. “Can I speak with Mrs. Theta a moment?” He asked Sonny for a bit of privacy.

“I would allow that, Chief but I’m in the middle of a fitting and I don’t want Rafael to see my suit yet.” Sonny explained.

“We can talk in the kitchen. What’s up, Dodds?” Emma asked. ................................................................................................... “Look, let’s skip the formalities. I know what happens to my Mikey, you know what happens to him. I wanna take his place.” Dodds said.

“I see. Well, I’m more than happy to do this, sir. But you have to convince the you from the night Mike was transferred to the Siren doctor’s infirmary-” Emma started but then stopped when the older man pulled her wrist.

“Please, you have to understand. I AM the me from that night. The next day, I realized that without your friendship with Barba and Carisi, Mike’d be dead.” Dodds pleaded. He whimpered as he looked into Emma’s eyes.

“Laverne can help take you back to that night. But I warn that the future will rapidly change.” Emma said.

“The only change I’d want is my son as the new chief and for my own sins to be atoned.” Dodds then wiped the tears from his eyes and then Laverne took him back to just before the bullet hit Mike. Laverne landed with Dodds via vortex manipulator and the gun was fired just as he materialized. Mike was afraid to take the bullets but didn’t think his father would do this.

“Dad. What the hell are you doing here, why did you even do this?” He asked as they started storming in.

“To save you.” Bill said as he closed his eyes, blood coming out of his mouth. The bullet hit a major organ and he couldn’t stop the bleeding. Back in the TARDIS, Mike was back and wearing the police chief’s uniform.

“Hey, Mike. How’re you holding up since...you know?” Sonny asked.

“Rough, but I’m coping. Just got sworn in as Chief, but wanted to congratulate you and Barba. News travels fast at 1PP.” Mike said as he hugged his friend.

“Thanks. Hey, there’s room in the Wedding party for ya.” Sonny smiled genuinely at Mike as he said that.

“Nah, I’m probably just gonna observe, but thanks anyway. How’s Stone?” Mike asked.

“Doing good. His sister’s gonna start the new medication for her Schizophrenia and Stone’s really grateful for Emma.” Sonny smiled back as Emma started giving Pam the new drug designed specifically for her.

“It’s gonna take a week but I’m sure they’ll help just fine.” Emma explained.

“A week’ll be all I need.” Pam said as she noticed her brother standing in the doorway. She turned around and gave him a strange look. “Excuse me, do I know you?” She asked as Peter gave a devastated look before she smiled knowingly. “I’m kidding, Petey. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Come here, silly.” She giggled as they embraced and hugged deeply.

“Don’t scare me like that again, I almost had a heart attack.” Peter said as he shook his head and started crying. “That was a nice, but morbid prank though.” He finished before kissing his sister’s temple.

“OUT OF MY WAY! My best college friend’s getting married and he doesn’t have the BALLS to tell ME to come be part of the party? I’m OUT FOR BLOOD!” Rita Calhoun screamed as she walked over to see Rafael so she could chew him out.

“Rita. I see you got my text.” Rafael said as he nonchalantly put on his top hat, already dressed to the nines with a black tux, white vest and black bowtie. Roger, now four, was already working on the tails of his jacket.

“Rafael, I’m appalled and pissed that you didn’t even consider me in the Groomal party. Also, I had to learn via text you’re into Carisi?” Rita crossed her arms.

“Rita, there wasn’t much time. I found out that in Emma’s world on TV, I get away with murder. So I thought I should do this before things change in our world for the worse. But you were one of the first people I contacted after Liv took Sonny and I to get our marriage license.” Rafael explained as he looked into his best friend’s eyes.

“Alright, I understand. But after this, you’re paying for the entire dessert cart.” Rita said as she hugged him and congratulated him. “I’m still your Maid of Honor though, right?” She asked.

“Oh hey, Rita. I guess you got the text. We’re co-Maids of Honor.” Liv said as she came in with Noah and Sheila, who had gotten him a new outfit for the wedding.

“Oh, really? I guess I don’t mind.” Rita said as she gave a wicked glare. Raf could tell he was going to have to pay for more than the whole dessert cart. Meanwhile, Sonny, Peter and Mike were hanging out while Pam started eating something.

“I have to tell you, Sonny. I didn’t really think you and Barba were gonna be a couple.” Mike said as he was looking Sonny up and down with slight shock. “I didn’t even think the two of you had the chemistry that’s evident to me now.”

“Life’s full of surprises, Mike. I didn’t think your father had the gumption to sacrifice himself the way he did.” Sonny replied. Suddenly, Emma came in with Amanda and she was amazingly embarrassed in Princess pink.

“One word, and I knee you all.” She said, fiery eyes aimed at including Sonny, who very much wanted to enjoy his wedding night with Rafael. Gulping, Sonny, Mike and Peter then kept quiet and Emma chuckled at her feisty personality.

“Is the Groom ready?” Judge Barth asked, all smiles.

“Just about, your honor.” Emma said.

“Look, Mrs. Theta, I want to apologize for the cameraman debaucle.” Judge Barth said.

“Don’t sweat it. Just come back in time with me to when Mike Cutter did something that prevented him from getting his law degree and we can get something sorted out. It can be your pennance.” Emma said as she shook hands with Elaina. Just then, Trevor Langan came in.

“Sorry I’m a bit late, Liv told me she needed a date to this event and I came immediately.” Trevor explained.

“Right this way, Trev. So how’ve you been since you and Liv worked things out with Sheila?” Emma asked.

“Good, Sheila’s grown closer and also, Amanda’s daughter’s grown even closer to Noah with Sheila’s blessing. Oh and Sheila wants to take Noah to a retreat her sister used to own over winter break. Liv said she’ll try and find someone to cover for her.” Trevor explained.

“Langan, you made it. Nice duds.” Liv gave a smirk as Trevor blushed at her. “Should I feel like I’m in high school right now?” Trevor asked as he looked at Liv who blushed back.

“Your portrayors are married in real life, it should be normal for the both of you to feel something. Plus I saw the two of you bicker in your office when you first heard about Sheila.” Emma smiled as they gulped. Liv walked over and touched Trevor’s arm as they walked over to the aisle before Liv remembered she was standing with Rita next to Raf at the wedding. Peter was getting seated himself when he was approached by Sonny.

“Hey Stone, I know we don’t know each other enough but I feel comfortable enough around you to ask this. Would you be my co-best person at the alter?” Sonny asked. “I figure Amanda would be lonely up there and-” Sonny was stopped with a hug from Peter as the new ADA accepted Sonny’s offer. “Of course, Detective.” Peter smiled as Sonny beamed brighter and they walked up together. Raf smiled as Sonny walked up to him once he, Liv and Rita were settled. Jessie and Noah were designated as the flower girl and ring bearer respectively and Noah gave each main best person-Liv and Amanda-Raf and Sonny’s ring respectively.

“Dearly beloved, we’re gathered today to bind New York’s finest police officer, Dominick Carisi Jr. to one of the best officers of the court I have ever had grace my courtroom, Rafael Barba, in a union of body, mind, heart and soul. I’ve seen the way Detective Carisi, Sonny, looks at our ADA in court and it makes me believe in love because it’s a look of trust, love and more than that.” Elaina started. “It’s been told to me that Sonny and Rafael have an exchange of vows to give, so as is in tradition, let’s begin with the one in white.” Elaina backed up a bit and let Sonny begin.

“Rafael, from the moment I met you, I knew you were gonna kick me in shape to be the person I want to be. You have helped me become a better law student, you’ve helped me become a lawyer, you’ve helped me become the person I am. You push me to do better with your daily jabs, your eye rolls which I took in stride and even your teasing about Fordham not being as good as Harvard.” Everyone gave a semi-teary chuckle. “But in the course of the four years I knew you, Rafael, you became my best friend, my secret crush and eventually, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with when I eventually came back from West Virginia. I love you so much and I can’t wait to hold you in my arms after this.”

Sonny finished and looked at Rafael with smiles and teary love eyes. Raf stroked Sonny’s face before reading his vows.

“Sonny, the first time I saw you, I was angry. You had made my job impossible when you were getting stuff out of a woman who was under Johnny Drake’s payroll. The promise was as impossible as this moment is right now, where I never dreamed I’d be in love at all let alone someone as passionate and sweet as you. At least it would’ve been impossible if you didn’t come into my life like you did. You and that terrible mustache you had when you first joined SVU.” It was now Raf’s turn to get a chuckle from the audience. “I never knew I’d find happiness until you returned. I even felt something when we had a moment after that thing with Theo and his parents’ case. But the cementing was after you and Amanda came back from West Virginia and we hugged, but then after when I invited you back to my place and we kissed for the first time, I felt the fire I always felt for you grow higher and higher. A fire I’ve felt since you assured me you were gonna keep me safe during the death threats and Heredio and we were at Forlini’s. The truth is and always will be I love you Sonny and I would never want anyone else to be mine.” Raf’s voice cracked at that last sentence and everyone had a wet pair of eyes in the room. Even Judge Barth. Eventually, Elaina got her bearings back together and told Liv and Amanda to give their respective Grooms their rings. Once they were on one another’s finger, she then proceeded again.

“Sonny, would you take Rafael to be your lawful wedded husband to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and health, for better or worse, ‘til death do you part?” Barth asked.

“I do with all of me.” Sonny responded.

“Do you Rafael take Sonny to be your lawful wedded husband to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and health, for better or worse, ‘til death do you part?” Elaina asked again.

“Hell yes I do.” Rafael said with his signature ooze of cocky smugness that drew Sonny to him during his shadowing days.

“Anyone who opposes shall forever hold their peace, last chance.” Elaina said as no one dared speak up.

“Alright then, through the power invested in me by the city of New York, I now pronounce you Husbands. You may now kiss.” Elaina smiled as Raf grabbed Sonny’s tux jacket and kissed him hard, making everyone cheer.

“I think we’ll have to do this again at my family’s church.” Sonny said.

“You’re right, we forgot to invite my mother and your family. I think they’d be even more pissed than Rita that we eloped and they didn’t even know we were together.” Rafael giggled as they kissed again. ................................................................................................... Emma catered the reception, making foods that paired Italian ingredients with Cuban ingredients. Sonny and Raf helped in the details and were impressed with Emma’s menu.

“I had a little help learning how to pair ingredients from countries from someone who now runs a microbrew in Portland, Oregan. His friends are married.” Emma said when she was asked how she learned to do this. “But really, it was my parents who inspired me to do this.” Emma smiled.

“Alright, everyone. Gather for the photo.” Laverne said as Raf and Sonny got pictures taken. Emma just watched on as they all had fun. Raf and Sonny kissing, Noah and Jessie holding hands, Noah kissing Jessie’s cheek, Jessie wanting to hurt him but Liv and Amanda giggling and trying to calm them down, Emma smiled at all of it. Trevor went over to Noah and Liv and his hand brushed hers.

“Sorry.” Trevor said.

“No, Langan. It’s fine.” Liv said as she blushed when she looked up to see he was blushing.

“Olivia, I think that since we’re both in charge of Noah’s wellbeing, you should call me by my first name.” Trevor said in a low voice.

“I think you’re right...Trevor.” Liv said as she tested the waters and then the gap that they thought they had closed between them as they leaned in closer and suddenly kissed. Noah smiled as this was happening while Jessie was a bit disgusted and Amanda was just slack-jawed.

“I think it’s time you met your father.” Amanda said as she picked up Jessie and gave Declan a call.

Rafael and Sonny smiled as Liv and Trevor continued to kiss.

“I think it’ll work. what about you?” Raf asked.

“They deserve each other. Plus you and I? We started out just like them.” Sonny said as he kissed his new husband.

[ilvatu]

Pokemon, What is Cheating? (Hacked vs. Cloned)

Been playing quite a bit of Pokemon Sword/Shield lately and they have just released the first content pack the Isle of Armour. It’s more of the same if you liked the core game, and adds not a huge amount of additional game, but a new “Wild Area” to explore, as well as a huge number of (new/old/additional) Pokemon to the game. I’ve enjoyed it, but I could see how some people could be disappointed with the additional content. 

ANYWAY, playing the games long enough to do more than simply beat them means you have higher goals in mind. Catch ‘em all? Sure, gotta complete that Pokedex. But also? Get a good team, or an ideal team. Which on some level or another will require you to breed for stats/abilities, feed them bottle caps, mints, and perfect IVs and EVs. Not  to mention shiny Pokemon, which are just extremely rare Pokemon with an alternative color palate. 

Naturally it would be easier to trade for some of these mons than acquire them yourself. How can you be sure the Pokemon you receive is legitimate? What is legitimate? 

Hacking mons into your game is a thing. Hilarious even, when you consider twitch.tv/oakslab is a thing. Oakslab will generate any mon you want and trade it to you, for free. So, this is clearly cheating. I don’t have a problem with it, if people want to use it. I have. Hold it against me if you want. It is what it is. 

The problem is when people who want to play the game “”legitimately”” want to acquire Pokemon from other people in a trade. The lengths they will go through to ensure the Pokemon is legit, and how other questionable methods are somehow ok is where I’m stumped. Because fabricating a mon into the game is wrong, but having someone clone one that they found legitimately and then give you the clone is morally superior to hacking. 

I’m going to take a step back for a minute and walk through the exposure I had to this issue. I’ll try to say what I know about the websites, streams, and/or communities involved. 

So, my goal was to have a perfect team. There may be no such thing, but I had a list of mons that I wanted and I wanted to see how good I could get it. I had the mons I wanted, but their stats and abilities were not ideal. There are two ways to get a Pokemon's stats perfect. You can improve an existing Pokemon or you can breed a better one. You can use a bottle cap on an existing Pokemon in order to “hyper train” that stat to be perfect. You can also use items like mints to get their nature adjusted. But the ability the Pokemon has is stuck. You need to have the ability you want as there is no way to change it.

The other way, through, breeding can be more time consuming but over the long term can result in consistently amazing Pokemon.  In order to fix this issue on my own I would need to repeatedly breed Pokemon together in order to get the result I need. I wanted to choose this path, mostly because I felt the long-term benefit would result in an easier or faster way to get new mons the way I wanted faster. 

Enter Ditto. The Pokemon that can breed with everything. Every Pokemon can breed with a Ditto, even Pokemon that can’t typically breed with each other, or gender-less Pokemon. I did have a Ditto, but its stats suffered from the same issue my other mons did. They were trash. Also, Ditto cannot breed with other Dittos. Apparently this would result in a gravy train so rich that even the developers thought it shouldn’t be possible. Also, if you breed a Pokemon that has been hyper trained, it’s hyper trained stats do not transfer. It will pass on its original shitty stats. The only way to get a perfect Ditto is to catch one or trade for one. Each Pokemon has six stats with 31 possibilities. Finding a Ditto in the wild with perfect stats would be (1/31)^6 or 1 in 887,503,681. Terrible fucking odds. 

Subnote: you can find Dittos with good stats yourself via max raid battles, but manipulating the spawns for them seems just as cheaty as any of the methods I am about to go over, but would likely result in still costing a greater amount of time. 

So at this point I was like “fuck it.” I’m going to try to find someone on the internet to trade me one. Just get one good Ditto from an outside source and then I can breed to my heart’s content. To Google. I found two sources of Pokemon at this point, which I will go over in turn. The first was a Subreddit which boiled down to “we’ll give you a Ditto of your choice, once every 48 hours.” I had to install Pokemon Home on my phone and Switch, but I did receive three perfect Dittos this way. I also learned about natures, which is why I got three Dittos. Op success.

I also discovered Oak’s lab, which I went over in some detail before. But through Oakslab I had my first exposure to Pokemon Showdown and the community there. Specifically the “Wifi” community, which is going to consist of the real meat of this post. In order to request a Pokemon from the Oakslab stream, you have to first export one you made using Showdown’s Teambuilder. I did this, got my mon, sweet. Also Showdown’s Teambuilder is a fun tool that lets me screw around with stats and stuff. Very useful as a tool for theory crafting. 

My other thought is that I could just be lazy. Get a Pokemon via Oakslab, breed it with a Ditto, and take the resulting Pokemon which would have all of my trainer info on it. Would that Pokemon be legal? Hell no, but there’s no way to prove otherwise, right? Oh how wrong I am. I have done this method of breeding what I want a few times. I don’t care, and nobody I ever play with will likely ever notice. But holy fuck is this community insane about what is and is not cheating. 

So the MOTD of the Wifi chat room for Pokemon Showdown is what sparked me to write this. Not just the dichotomy of writing in bold letters about how hacked Pokemon are the devil, while at the same time having an approved list of “cloners,” but for having one of the most through and detailed proof requirements that I have seen of any game. Even Goldeneye “Elite” mods like Goose don’t have proof requirements this detailed. And that dude is really fucking into busting the balls of proof requirements on a number of games, not just Goldeneye.

The proof requirements are insane, but they essentially want you to create a video that shows you catching the Pokemon, and then going and viewing its stats and other info. They also want you to use an out-of-game tool to publish your seed and time of day and stuff. Like, in order to prove that your Pokemon isn’t hacked you have to prove that you have the ability to hack Pokemon. 

BUT, clones are OK and christian. Here are a list of people who can do it for you.

Of course, any issue found with a mon you have here results in a ban. They have no other method of control and couldn’t possibly understand why people wouldn’t keep a cache videos of every mon they’ve ever caught ever. 

Its more of a whitelist thing, I’d guess. Like, your mon might not be illegal, but if you don’t have direct evidence of it’s legality then you can’t trade it. 

I suppose if you want to keep your game completely legitimate that is the same as me choosing to use hacked Pokemon. It wouldn’t be right for me to claim that I have a real one and then give them my genned Oakslab stuff. But at the same time having someone clone a shiny mon from someone else so you can both have one is ok. Everyone should be allowed to play the game how they see fit, I just think that it’s insanity that they think that this sort of proof is sufficient and yet easy for laypeople to compile. 

This all flies in the face of the existence of Oakslab, which churns out hacked Pokemon as fast as it can, and it has almost a thousand people waiting in line to get theirs during peak times for EU. 

It also flies in the face of Showdown in general. A website where you can just use a tool to make any team you want and battle with it in a simulator with other people as much as you want. A battle simulator for a game they have no affiliation with. 

Lastly, it flies in the face of the base game. There is specifically a rule in Wifi that says that if you received a Pokemon through GTS (Pokemon Home strangers donating mons to you) or if you received one through a “Surprise Trade” or through the game trading system, that they are likely hacked and prohibited from trade. In other words, they acknowledge that people in-game are handing out hacked mons willy-nilly and that if you participate in these systems you are likely acquiring hacked Pokemon. 

I did receive a shiny Magikarp in surprise trade recently which I suspect is legitimate. I will be using it as if it were. It has me thinking though, that it might be hacked. It doesn’t bother me so much, but I know that I could not trade this on their website because I cannot prove its legitimacy. 

I am trying to withhold judgement as much as I can here. My issue isn’t really with the people who want hacked Pokemon, or the people who want to only acquire legitimate mons. My real gripe is with the people who run Showdown seem to be determining morality for people. They are dominating the grey area between copying Pokemon games, and what is morally allowed to be traded. Why is a cloned Pokemon ok but a hacked one not? What difference is it if you used in-game mechanics to achieve the same result? 

As long as people are straight forward about how they acquired whatever they trade I wouldn’t have an issue with it. The Pokemon giveaways subreddit doesn’t have an issue with how you acquired it as long as you disclose it. They have tags for legit, cloned, and hacked. It should be up to the user to determine what is acceptable to them. 

I will end by saying that doing cheats or immoral things like duping Pokemon has been possible since Gen 1 Red/Blue days.Pulling the link cable before the trade was done, or abusing missingno for unlimited master balls or other items. I don’t really see this as any better than cloning or Oakslab. Back then we didn’t even have gamefaqs, or if we did we weren’t old enough to ask our parents to dial in to AOL. It was this underground thing. A friend of a friend showed you how to do it, and then you could show your friends. It was all fun and games until someone’s save got corrupted. 

Final thought is that it bothers me that people who operate a website that exists in a legal grey area are very quick to pass judgement on the way other people want to play their game. Maybe it makes the most sense, but maybe don’t throw stones in glass houses is all I’m saying.