#discords good for interpersonal stuff sure

[qasian-tech-support]

The loss of forums is also part of why you have to add "reddit" to the end of search queries on Google to find any human answers to your questions, instead of article and article of AI generated slop. Go and create your own forums for shit, and fight back against Discord

[crymeariveronceagain]

So.. another heavy ask, which the other anon definitely inspired- I have a friend online who is definitely in a bad situation. Their Mother gaslights, manipulates, and has physically injured them at least twice that I know of, but it seems like it happens often. They’re an amazing smart, gifted person who is often forced to basically hold up their entire family on their own. I could say more, but I don't want to just list things.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure their mother went to court to get legal guardianship of them, so they can't move out. And I don't know where they live, so I can't look into laws. I can't convince them they're being abused. And I just.. I don't know what to do, how to help them.

I don't expect you to be able to do much, and I don't want to dump this on you, but.. If you know of something I can do, please tell me.

oh capital SH crap. That's a heavy chunk of text right there.

Okay. Welp. Again, Keep Reading line for people who don't want to engage.

First off, don't worry about dumping stuff on me. My interpersonal communication teacher told me that we need to share stuff that weighs us down because it helps us feel recognized and like, validated in the way we feel. So don't worry about that part.

Second off, Dear Anon. I am. So sorry. For your friend. I am so sorry. That is an awful, horrible situation. I am so sorry you have to help them deal with this, and I am so sorry that they have to deal with this. This is just a really rough situation, all around. Like frick.

The thing to stuck out to me is that you're their online friend. That changes a lot of things, and assumes the following.

You only know what they're dealing with because they confide in you about this stuff.

You do not live near them, and most likely haven't met them in person.

You can only talk to them when they let you, there's no definite way to make sure they're alright.

So, here are my list of things I'd do in this situation. It's not a lot, I hope you know that this is a really difficult decision. I hope you know that I'm proud of you, and the way you're behaving, and I hope this is encouragement, if nothing else.

Be willing to talk to them. Just exist, let them know you're safe. When they bring their troubles to you, love them as much as you can. That's all you can do, really. Just. Love them. They probably need a steady friendship a lot more than they'll ever say, and when you're so far away from someone in that situation, all you can really do is just love them as much as you can.

Assure them that they're not out of their mind, not overreacting. Tell them when you're worried, tell them why you're worried. When they say something really problematic tell them "That sounds really awful, and really unfair to you! You deserve to be alright, and you're not alright now." If you can't convince them that they're being abused, just. Drive home the point that it's not good. Because it isn't.

Support their good decisions, ask them to reconsider their bad ones. Like, if they're brushing off physical abuse like it's nothing, ask them if they'd do the same if it was you. If they talk about setting boundaries with their parents, encourage them in that. Just. Yeah. Support. The good kind of it, that doesn't enable, but encourages them to find the best and most loving in the world. They deserve that,

If you trust them, and you're comfortable with it, tell them that if push comes to shove, and they need somewhere to go, they can come to you. This is only if you're comfortable with that and if your own situation is good enough that you trust your parents not to blink if someone shows up at your house and you go "Hey, they need somewhere to stay!" Like, I was in a discord server once with a ton of people with really awful parents, and I knew my parents would be okay with a ton of children showing up on the doorstep to stay a few nights, so i told them if they ever needed somewhere far away to go, they'd be welcome at my house.

Really, with online friends, the main thing you can offer is just. Emotional support. As much love as you can, as much understanding as you can.

It's a really hard situation, and it's awful that your friend is stuck in it. I know you feel helpless, and like you can't do anything, because, hell you can't, really.

All you can do is be a friend.

And somehow, that's the easiest and the hardest thing all at once. Because you can't take the pain and the suffering away. You can't make their parents vanish in a poof of smoke by throwing a bucket of water on them. You can't pick them up and carry them away. You can't hug them until their broken pieces fit back together.

You're stuck, watching from a distance.

That sucks.

It sucks so much.

But sometimes, it's all we can do.

Our online friends are.... so important.

But we can never help them as much as we want. They are words, they are video calls.

And we love them.

So, the only things we can do are love. As much as we can.

It's not enough.

But it's all we can do.

It's all you can do.

It's all I can do.

It's all anyone can do.

Just, love.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

[miracvlovs]

✗✗✗   you see [ kaleb yıldırım ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis male ] is up to no good. [ he / him ] has been here for [ five years ] now but they’re still pretty [ abrasive ] which is fine because they’re also [ debonair ] so it balances out. the [ twenty-eight ] year old [ hitman for hire ] actually looks like a lot like [ alperen duymaz ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ strong cigarettes & even stronger whiskey ].

hey, hello, hi, bonjour! s’up buttercups? ‘tis i, your friendly neighbourhood loser chrissie ( a.k.a an irish doofus who is utter plot trash and the actual WORST at keeping track with discord messages, oops ) and i’m super duper excited to be here among you fab human beings! anywho, this is my first kiddo kaleb and he is … how do you say … morally grey. basically his morals are very questionable in every aspect. but! on the plus side, he’s very talented and good at his job even if he is ruthless and callous, oop. he is … the worst and also lowkey messed up inside tbh so pls excuse his blunt and sarcastic nature. plot-wise i’m open to literally anything and everything so come at me with any ideas ya got! i’m always diggity down to spit ball ideas and form some dope connections so pls feel free to invade my ims or hmu on le cord ( chrissie.#9606 ) and we can brainstorm until our heart’s content! if ya wanna, go ahead and light that lil grey heart up red and i’ll shimmy my butt your way for all of the good stuff. anywho, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

fundamentals.

KALEB EMER YILDIRIM     —     twenty-eight, hitman for hire,   +   one snarky son of a gun   /   troubled dude with daddy issues   /   all issues tbh ! 

aesthetics   ➤   dried blood caked into the grooves of cut knuckles, the lingering scent of smoke and gasoline, silver slivers of past scarring, five o’clock shadow peppering a blunt jawline, discolourations of blue and purple decorating battered hands, a subtle smirk etched upon a devious countenance, calloused fingertips riddled with small paper cuts, dark circles under almost-black eyes, the noise of screeching tires in the middle of the night, a tall stature adorned in all-black attire, ghosts of bruises staining calloused skin green, a scuffed zippo lighter in a pack of marlboros containing only one cigarette, white shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, a sly grin under stormy dark eyes, a sniper on the roof of a deserted building, the roar of a car engine, & clenched, white-knuckled fists.

nicknames. kal.

date of birth. november third.

gender. cis male.

pronouns. he + him.

birthplace. manhattan, nyc.

orientation. bisexual + aromantic.

education. bachelor of music degree obtained from manhattan school of music.

spoken languages. can speak fluent english, turkish, spanish, & french.

negative traits. haughty, abrasive, enigmatic, cynical, temperamental, calculating, hedonistic, distant, sarcastic, & volatile.

positive traits. adept, diligent, charming, resilient, candid, adept, charming, audacious, determined, & resourceful.

strengths. efficient, energetic, self-confident, strong-willed, strategic thinker, charismatic, & inspiring.

weaknesses. stubborn, dominant, intolerant, impatient, arrogant, poor handling of emotions, cold, & ruthless.

talents. piano, retaining information, memory recall, lock-picking, carjacking, hand-to-hand combat, automobile knowledge, tracking people down, & excellent problem-solving abilities. 

physiology. dark brown eyes. dark brown hair. six feet, one inch tall. of a lean, broad stature with a straight posture and evident height. has a few silvery scars littered across his skin. has a few tattoos in a few less visible places. is ambidextrous.

psychology. scorpio zodiac. water element. slytherin house. entj-a. chaotic neutral. type eight enneagram. choleric temperament. interpersonal intelligence type. addicted to alcohol, tobacco, prescription drugs, cocaine, and cannabis. suffers from addiction and insomnia. his vices are lust, wrath and pride. his virtues are ... honestly, probably just diligence tbh.

background.

possible triggers   :   infidelity, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, cancer, death, car crash, funeral, blood, murder, suicide mention, gun mention, & various references to death and murder. 

a synopsis.   ah, here he is—my tol, troubled, grouchy son : ' ) don't u just adore ur resident trashy, snarky, but precious and sad fuckboi muse? bc i know I DO! anyways, before i digress, i'll cut to the chase. so, waaay before he blessed the universe with his presence, his mother ( who was originally from turkey ) moved to the states where she met one alexander hale. you can probably guess the rest: the pair married, they had children, everything seemed to be going swimmingly, yada yada. here’s a lil background: the hale family—a line of manhattan-born businessmen / lawyers / diplomats etc. they're dripping in wealth, not always as squeaky clean as they portray themselves as to be. kaleb’s dad was a douche, expected both of his sons to follow in his shadow and become lawyers, ran around behind his wife's back: the whole shoot and shebang of a classic a-hole. he always kind of ignored kaleb in favour of his eldest son joshua so kaleb kinda became hard-hearted and resentful due to the lack of his father's attention. skip a few years and he spied his dad cheating on his mother with his secretary though he refused to tell another soul for fear of any potential backlash. soon enough, his mother found this out for herself, their argument ruined his thirteenth birthday party then they divorced soon after. his mother fell off the wagon, became terminally ill—all while his father was remarrying and expecting a daughter with his secretary. it was a hella rough two years for kaleb. it got even worse. eventually, his mother passed away and his step-mother divorced his father to breeze off into the sunset with her new lover; leaving her daughter with her piss-poor excuse of a dad. at this point, kaleb was lonely and angry but adopted the role of his step-sister's protector, shielding her from their father's increasing substance abuse induced violence. just before his seventeenth birthday, his father died in a car crash. of course, he didn't entirely mourn the loss. almost immediately, he and his younger sister moved in with their elder brother who helped kaleb get into university. with dear ole dad out of the picture, he could finally pursue his interest and flair for music. after he graduated, he moved to santa ysabel with his brother and brother's family. in the beginning, things were going fine. yeah, sure, he was struggling for work and felt bad that his brother had to keep him afloat. normal stuff. then, one day, things quickly turned sour in his world. [ TRIGGER FOR GORE, BLOOD, SUICIDE MENTION, GUN MENTION, MURDER, DEATH ] he’d came home to find the locks on the doors busted, advancing into the house carefully only to find his brother’s lifeless corpse crumbled on the kitchen tiles: his throat and wrists slashed, posed as a suicide. of course, kaleb knew better. he knew his brother; knew he would never leave him or his family. upon further inspection of the house, he’d discovered the body of his wife upstairs: a bullet hole between her eyes. [ TRIGGER OVER ] the whole ordeal was enough to turn his stomach but once the sickness had subsided, all kaleb felt was a strong thirst for blood. sure, it was pretty damn stupid to try and seek revenge or whatnot ... but kaleb had always been one to let his heart guide his brain. anyways, time skip now to the moment he’d uncovered his brother’s entanglement with some dodgy loan shark, drug dealing criminals who were responsible for his murder. in the end, he’d hunted them down and eradicated them one by one, over a span of weeks. at first, he hated himself and what his desire for vengeance had turned him into but he kept going until he’d got them all: until he’d grown numb. truthfully, how he wound up taking lives for a living is beyond him. he woke up one day, found himself hired by some big-wig businessman who wanted rid of his business partner and et voilà, he was tangled up in the dark side of existence. i mean, was he blackmailed into doing his first paid hit? yes. but who can blame him? especially when they claimed to have intel regarding the sudden demise of a prominent figure in the criminal underbelly of the city, a.k.a his brother’s killer. it was a risk kaleb simply couldn’t take. he prefers to keep himself anonymous, hidden behind shadows, unsuspecting. death has become a job. nothing more. nothing less. it’s simply the algorithm of his existence: receive a dossier, take care of the target, get paid a hefty lump sum. and all just for enacting a stranger’s revenge in the blood of another. he moves like a deadly phantom, his footsteps light as a feather, whipping through the night like a bullet through a target’s skull. sartre claims that hell is other people. and if you were to stare into kaleb’s eyes—eyes eerily similar to having been cut from coal—you might just see hell and everyone in it staring right back at you. as nietzsche wrote: “ he who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. and if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. ”

random extras.

he has a lot of small scars over his body, most of which he can’t account for or has forgotten about.

owns and drives a black 1969 boss 429 mustang which he loves arguably more than he loves himself.

speaking of, he actually is full of self-hatred so don’t let the haughtiness fool you.

trusts nobody but himself and is loyal to nobody but himself.

has a lot of anger issues so often ends up taking part in underground fights.

he rates around a solid three on the kinsey scale.

is a distant person; closed-off emotionally and prefers to keep himself to himself.

when it comes to whether or not he is morally decent or an extremely bad person, he is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

he isn’t heartless but he isn’t exactly compassionate either.

kind of shady but knows how to pass himself as charming. 

has been thru sum shit n seen sum shit so he’s v messed up inside.

though he does have a soft spot for animals and children.

his marksmanship is impeccable.

he’s naturally gifted with firearms and his shot is always on point.

dark eyes and bruised knuckles are his ultimate aesthetic tbh.

actually really appreciates classical music, though he’ll never tell. blame it on his piano lessons from childhood.

speaking of piano, he’s low key gifted at playing although he rarely does these days.

has a very short fuse and can lose his temper quite easily.

he has a good heart and good intentions when it comes to those he actually cares about although he’ll never let this show.

favourite coping mechanism? isolation.

a bit of a lone wolf. he keeps people at arm’s length but acts in a way where people are under the illusion he’s their friend.

basically the tall, dark and handsome trope: ( most of the tall, dark and handsome men display aloof, cold and distant personality but they do have a gentle and caring side. )

is a little snarky and grumpy but if you manage to break this exterior, you’ll find he’s quite witty and easy going.

he got into fighting at a young age. it was the only way to try and learn how to defend himself against his father.

sleep?? he doesn’t know her.

tends to repress his emotions until he explodes.

healthy coping mechanisms?? he doesn’t know them either.

is prone to pushing the self destruct button.

you can find a pinterest board for him by clicking anywhere here.

[countessofbiscuit]

thank you for the reply to the codywan ask! I've been a long time admirer of your fics and the way you write, and i adore the way you engage with sw lore, characters and relationships. i'd love to pick your brain about something - how do you write and see characters with all their flaws without being "turned off" by it? i recently read meridian, and was fascinated by your exploration in the power dynamics btw ahsoka and rex, but also discomfited because ahsoka is one of my favourite characters1/

Hey there — you’re very welcome and it’s always an honor to shepherd someone into the Rexsoka fold ♥ There’s a lot of meaty stuff here and I’m kinda hungover from Christmas Adam, but I’ll pitch in a little on what I think are your two main questions:

1. How do you write and see characters with all their flaws without being "turned off" by it? . . . . I frequently am turned off by it — if by ‘turned off’ you mean, that I feel my instinct to stan diminish. It’s almost bound to happen when one stops privileging their POV by exploring them from the perspective of somebody else, especially when said character is privileged in and by the narrative, too. And I don’t think transforming and complicating one’s relationship with the source material in that way is a bad thing; it makes for stronger writing and more empathetic stories. It’s interesting that you mention Ahsoka, though, because where I used to enjoy her pretty easily as a character with flaws, in the sense that she was written as being real (and therefore, relatably human), I have struggled to reconcile myself to her as a character who now seems flawed by inconsistent writing — or perhaps I should say, inconsistent framing. There’s a dissonance (imo) between how she’s elevated by the Powers That Be, and what her late actions in canon beg us to believe about her. There’s a chasm in the treatment of her character that I’ve felt somewhat compelled to fill with fic (as I am sure others have), while at the same time, I’m sitting under a disappointment that’s not very inspiring, lol. 

(n.b. Interestingly, Bo-Katan has lately been subject to a similar inconsistent treatment from On High; but as she’s never been practically deified by the creators or the fandom, I don’t find the discordance so jarring, since I’m used to admiring her as a difficult anti-hero with dips into villainy.)

2. Escapism vs Critical Engagement: There’s a doozy. Let’s just say we contain multitudes, and acknowledging that as individuals is hard enough sometimes, let alone when people come together to enjoy (or not) A Thing (especially A Thing as big as Star Wars). I don’t have the answers on how to make it less unsettling when someone critiques or criticizes something that you (general ‘you’ here) just want to casually imbibe for the feel-good factor, except to allow yourself to be comfortable with being unsettled. It’s a popular adage in fandom that people come to the table for different things: some folks want a five-course meal complete with palate cleansers and wine pairings, some folks want a bowl of Easy Mac, and other folks want a rigidly healthy Paleo plate; as long as we’re all sitting down and engaging in good faith with each other about our choices, knowing when to leave the table or just swap seats or try something new, all to the good. The problem comes when one person demands that everyone should have what they’re having (usually the Paleo person, lbr), and lashes out when they meet opposition. We understand this pretty well in day-to-day life, yet when it comes to something as intensely personal as consumption and production of fictional material, everybody’s got an opinion about how others are doing it wrong — undoubtedly because, for so many of us in fandom, our identity and self-worth are so wrapped up in it. I catch myself doing this all the time; to reference Codywan again, I feel my lip curl when people write it with no reference to the ~reality~ of those characters’ situations as I see it (as I am sure plenty of people recoil at ships that I like) … but then, I recognize this feeling as irrational and selfish and I just channel my frustration into doing my own thing instead and hope it touches somebody else who feels the same. 

To bring this back round: “Let people enjoy things” and “think critically” should be able co-exist, and beyond saying that yeah, it’s difficult and takes maturity, I’m hesitant to add any other sort of proviso to that statement (“should be able to co-exist, so long as X Y Z” &c.). Do I think people have to performatively genuflect in the direction of all the ~problems~ with something before they are allowed to engage casually with it? No. Do I think acknowledging war crimes in a google doc about a some cartoon space siege will stop actual war crimes? No. Do I personally appreciate when even casual engagement displays some element of critical thought, and do I find myself drawn to those creators in particular? Yes and yes. Everyone’s escapism looks different. 

But if I can make one random value judgement statement about critical engagement here, without equivocating: the anti preoccupation with defanging sex and interpersonal romantic relationships in fiction, to the exclusion of other topics concerning humanity and the myriad ways it can be shitty, as part of some progressive movement is so bizarre to me; not only do the goalposts constantly change for what’s “pure” between two or more people, but it’s a very myopic way to regard characters who exist in the complex round, and, imo, a really privileged Western mindset. Also, it’s boring as fuck. I like intellectually playing in the dirt; someone who tells me to wash my hands while I’m sitting ass-deep in mud just makes themselves look supremely dense.

Not sure I really answered anything here, but I did appreciate the chance to noodle over your thoughts. It’s always a good exercise. And thank you for taking the time to engage with my writing : ) 

[memoriesofthefuckingbullshit]

I’d like to preface this with a personal note:

I do not want to write these posts. I absolutely hate that there is a need for it and it’s been chewing me up. It’s taken me the better part of a month to round up all the evidence (I had to be sure and double-check my sources) and to put this together, in bits and pieces so as to not overwhelm my own mental health. 

I loved the Underfell Fangame community. I briefly met Mania at ATLANTALE early 2018, before I even knew about the project. I became a patreon supporter because he seemed to genuinely love the community and Undertale and the game he was working on. I joined the Underfell community in March and made a second home there. 

I considered him a friend. Looked up to him as a fellow creator, game developer. A fellow community admin. And I thought it was really cool the way he did the whole community server events Ink vs. Error stuff. I loved the concept and have been passionately involved in it since its start over a year ago. I’m closely involved in the development of the comic series based on these server events, called Memories of the Multiverse War and have spent countless hours dedicated to expanding the world our comic takes place inside the Doodlesphere.

I have since learned much is a horrific farce. And I’m really unhappy about it. 

But if I don’t do or say something before I go I could never live with myself. 

There are so many victims already. And more than a few look up to me like their big sib. 

There are good ways to make the audience cry.

This is not one of them.

It hurts me knowing the other Event Masters put their heart and soul into creating fun content, intended for people to enjoy, while Mania twists their work into ways to torment people, and even drags them to emulate his behavior. How much more will get swept under the rug, if I don’t speak up? 

It boils down to: 

Mania knowingly emotionally abuses server members, most of whom are children between the ages of 13-19. 

He shows no remorse for it. 

Our Mental Health is a Joke to Him Part 1*  (xFrisk debacle; please take trigger warnings seriously) 

Our Mental Health is a Joke to Him Part 2  (Fallout from the xFrisk debacle)

Ink Was Never Going to Die  (He just liked fucking with us)

No, He Really Hasn’t Changed, And Won’t Be Anytime Soon*  (xPapyrus introduction, and all this matters)

*If this much reading overwhelms you, prioritize this post and starred pages above.

Important:

Event Masters are not the ones at fault here. They’re just doing as they’re told to play out the story Mania calls for, and probably do not even realize the impact their actions have on people since they’re told it’s all just for pretend. When they are aware, they’re under threat by Mania to keep quiet.

Abuse through role play is particularly insidious. Yes, the server events are a form of role play, by definition. Pretending to be a character, or otherwise assuming the role of as a way to interact with others is fundamentally role play. 

In terms of power balance, the server events are more like a D&D campaign than traditional online roleplay. We even have “Event Masters” to parallel the “Dungeon Master” who has nigh god-like power over what happens in the dice-based roleplaying game. 

There are dozens of articles about proper DM etiquette, and how to tell a uniquely engaging story to invoke high emotions in effective ways:

There's no shame in manipulating your players' emotions, because that's part of your job as a storyteller. But, like anything else, it requires a deft hand. Be mindful of how your players react, and be careful not to go too far. If anyone at the table starts to feel uncomfortable about the situation you're presenting, it can quickly start to take people out of the game. Be mindful of your players' limits, and give them the option of saying when something isn't going over well with them. But once you start to get the hang of it, you can turn a night of goofy dice-rolling over drinks into a tense situation, or provide a moving, emotionally honest moment for your characters.

In short: It was mere storytelling until the moment the characters reacted to and responded to the players. At that point, it is role playing and the concept of consent comes into play, because real people with real feelings are part of the story, which, curiously, is canonically enforced: 

And it’s it’s our fault for taking hurtful things that characters say and do personally?

Jerking player emotions around for laughs isn’t just an asshole thing to do; it’s straight up bad storytelling. 

There is no excuse for choosing abuse.

End of story.

I am hesitant to come forward with this, as I do not have evidence compiled other than the threat itself, and considering the nature of the issue there are privacy concerns regarding the victims. He has a tendency to target 17-19 year old girls, as a 28-year old. This was sent to me while playing minecraft while in server voice chat on June 16th, 2019. 

I’m including it because this is a perfect example of how he’ll backtrack and play upsetting things off like a joke. The threat has since been deleted so I’m glad I grabbed a screenshot while it existed. He has a habit of deleting things that could be used as evidence. 

hahahahahahaa no sir you do not get to drop a threat like that on someone and then play it off like a joke, particularly when “if you didn’t hear it doesn’t matter” 

It does matter. 

They matter.

All those kids are important. They matter and so do their feelings and all the grief they’ve experienced at your hands. The event may be more like a D&D campaign setting, in terms of balance of power, but this article does a great job breaking down the cycle of online roleplay abuse. 

Here’s an excerpt:  

Some people roleplay to heal their wounds, others play for fun or to escape. Any way you cut it, a good chunk of roleplayers have personal investment in their roleplay.

The human brain is a curious silly fickle sort of thing, a person who is capable of empathizing can empathize with anything that has human traits, be it a brave little toaster, a cartoon dog, a character in a book,crying at a movie, or screaming at the little man on playing sports ball on the television. People feel empathic sadness from witnessing sadness of others,people can feel empathic excitement by watching sports, in some cases to the point of violent outbreaks after their favorite sportsball team wins the big game.

Human beings are capable of immersing ourselves in the situation of others, and we are capable of feeling a wide variety of emotions as we endure the human experience of whatever we immerse ourselves in. This experience of emotional stimulation is not just a flaw in emotions or an inability to tell in character from out of character. Feeling this way does not make someone insane, weak, or flawed.

It is, in fact, a physiological chemical reaction in the human body. It’s chemistry, it’s oxytocin, it’s cortisol, it’s adrenaline, it’s dopamine, it’s serotonin, it’s estrogen, it’s testosterone, and who knows what else. When things happen in online roleplay we really feel it. (This is why consent is so important.)

In both roleplay and interpersonal interactions in online communities, and the feelings we feel when engaged in these things are real,are chemical, and they are not in our head.

Online community narcissists engage in their own flavor potentially insidious psychological abuse and manipulation, and it can cause real life distress, depression, anxiety, all in a situation where people are trying to escape, to relax, to have fun, and to heal wounds.

More importantly, this serves to validate the feelings of that the narcissist’s victims, be it ex-roleplay partner or a storyteller silenced.

You are not overreacting to a video game. Your pain is valid. The people you are interacting with on the other side of the screen are real; you are having real interpersonal interaction. The emotions you are experiencing are real chemical reactions in your body not a personal flaw. You are not crazy or stupid.

It is okay to cry about stupid online drama. It is okay to talk to your therapist if you have one. Know that even if you feel isolated and alone, even if you think everyone hates you. The truth is that outside of the narcissist’s circle, there is going to be people who do not even know of you let alone hate you, who do not care or believe the bullshit the narcissist tried to feed them.

—Credit to @zanpyr​. Thank you for this wonderful article.

Now. All of you, on the server, who’ve been subjected to all this fucking bullshit over the months or years you’ve been in the community: It’s not your fault. Your feelings and heartache are valid. You matter, and you deserve better than how we’re made to feel through this series of fucking bullshit. You’re not weak for caring about these characters; caring about characters is WHY we loved Undertale so much. You’re not stupid for getting hurt by someone you trusted and considered a friend. You can get through this and you’re gonna grow up and do great, okay? 

And any other adults who’ve been emotionally manipulated too: It’s not your fault. You’re no more at fault than the kids for falling for his tricks because guess what: you’re human and you have empathy. Those aren’t bad things. 

I know from personal experience that online interactions can be clinically traumatic, as in, diagnosable trauma response symptoms that should be taken seriously. I’ve already been talking people through their thoughts and feelings about this stuff and I recommend you do the same. Sorting out all the self-blame from guilt-tripping is important and if you have signs of trauma related to this event, please please please seek treatment even if it seems silly to be that affected by “a fucking discord event.” Gaslighting from any source messes with your perception of reality and doubting your ability to perceive the world can have lasting effects that topple like a domino effect. 

Once you’ve developed trauma response symptoms, you become more vulnerable to developing further symptoms by more common disturbing events. Don’t do like I did and let it go untreated for over a decade of accumulating traumas and Traumas. Many of you are already suffering with depression, anxiety, and existing trauma. The sooner you seek treatment the better. 

Outside Sources:

Quoted/Linked in Article: 

How To Manipulate Your Players (Into Having Emotions)

Wikipedia  - Gaslighting 

Abuse Through Online Roleplay 

Adventures In Random Roleplay: Safety/Consent Tools in Gaming

Additional Reading:

Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting

Three of the Easiest Ways to Manipulate Someone

Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted

Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships

Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality

Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”

20 Tips For Becoming A Better DM: Lessons Learned At The Table

One final addendum: 

As vindictive as I may feel after slogging through so many horrific conversations, I absolutely do not condone any attempts to actively harass him. Hold him accountable for his actions but do not send him hatemail, threats, or any other shit like that. He’s a fucked up human being but he’s still a human being and this whole effort has been to call attention to how much online interactions affect our mental mental health. Don’t do that shit to anyone, even if you think they deserve it. And don’t be a flying monkey, please.

Okay, that’s it. 

Stay safe everyone. 

[red-elric]

Each of the Sohmas as parents?

omgggg okay okay okay this is gonna get shippy yall lets go for it

kyo/tohru: single handedly the best parents of all of them, easily. these two struggled to get their shit together enough to confess but once they did??? babies were coming soon and it was no big deal (they are the only ones who can say this). they were the youngest parents, i think; i personally like the idea that they were planning on getting married right outta hs anywayyy but also got pregnant before the wedding oops O.O anyway everyone goes to them for advice bc theyre just. the best parents mfdahjfdka

yuki/machi: absolute disASTER parents but somehow ended up w a good kid anyway (mutsuki is a deLIGHT). they call kyoru like every other day trying to figure out how the hell to parent. kyoru invites them to dinner a lot just to check up on them. yuchi wasnt planning on kids i dont think--never once regretted mutsuki, of course, they love him to bits--but the idea of another one makes them go. hhhhhhhhhhh

haru/rin: fun dad/mom who wants to enforce rules but cant quite manage to to the T. haru is super great with the kids, probably plays super smash brothers with them, always the “safe option” but like, if they ever have any real problem they wanna talk about they go to rin, cause she always knows what to do to fix the problem. she gets a little frustrated sometimes w her chaotic family but also very easily gets overwhelmed by love for them!

akito/shigure: SHIGURE IS A GOOD DAD. he loves kids to BITS even if he suppresses it to look cool for a while; tohru and kisa are basically his daughters at this point (aside but im kinda writing a fic about this) and once he gets over his own ego hes the kind of dad to tease his kids a lot, but he gives really good advice at the right moments. for akki, kids is a terrifying concept, but its really good for her! she learns a lot about love when she has kids, about how not every love is twisted by abuse and romance and sex; interacting with her kids helps her figure out the joys of a pure parent/child relationship; im also sure shes happy raising a kid better than her mother did, even if shes worried shes going to mess it up.

hatori/mayu: hatori is an awkward dad but hes got a lot of love! his kids and wife tease him a lot but he takes things very seriously and is always willing to defend his kids, protect them if he ever needs to. mayu is the more hands-on of the two; she takes care of all the day-to-day, interpersonal stuff (its easy for her, shes really good at interacting with kids), but their dad is very important to them too, and they can tell he loves them!

kimi/momiji: parenting also terrifies kimi! but she’s actually quite good at it, once she gets into the swing of things. shes especially close with her daughter(s), they have that kind of “my mom is my best friend” thing going on, and it means a lot to her. momiji is the most charming dad ever, and makes lots of bad puns; hes also very approachable, loving family all around!

kureno/uo: these two dummies love each other a lot and have four kids, according to the discord! i love it anyway uo as a mom is a lot like kyoko, but w some more personal stories, of course; she keeps it real with her kids. kureno DOTES on his daughters but he is also kind of awkward lmaoo. its okay tho they can tell his heart is in it.

ayame/mine: these kids have the BEST dress up parties on the block oh my god!! this is also a very loving and open family, and tbhhh ayame and mine are both regina george’s mom (you know what im talking about). most of the couples are jealous of ayamine bc they never once! have a fight! bc aya somehow missed the “incapable of proper communication” gene that the other sohmas have!

ritsu/mitsuru: i put these guys on here because i wanna make it clear that i think theyre cute and forever couples but oh my god they would never have kids, too scary oml. once they get over their nerves a bit though, they visit the other couples’ kids a lot! they like to be the teasing aunts lmao, and they feel a bit more confident around younger kids owo

kagura/kunimitsu: is it just me or is kagura kind of a pta mom?? owo she has the best intentions i love her but shes v passionate about fighting for her kids. kunimitsu supports her in every way and is the much calmer, more rational of the two--but they both love their kids very much!

hiro and kisa: nah these guys are the kids they aint parents yet.

this was really fun! tysm for the ask; everyone, feel free to send me asks! owo

[tuesdayscanons]

《 How I Run My Blog 》

Speed

《 If you take anything from this post, it's this—I either respond in ten seconds or ten years. There's a whole lotta factors: time, energy, interest, etc. Lately, I've been moving slower because my muse is all over the place and I've been burnt out by college, but the semester is about to end and I'm hoping my workload won't be as overwhelming from now on. 》

Replies

《 The length of my replies tend to vary, but I try to write multi-para responses (which can slow me down when I get carried away/overwhelmed. I'm also interested in fun little one line responses, which I'd most likely respond to quicker bc they're more casual. 》

Starters

《 I tend to post starter calls for the muses/AUs I'm the most interested in atm, though things can be delayed if my muse flops for any reason. Starters *might* be easier to write, though I have starters I owe which suggest otherwise. It also depends on what ideas I have—sometimes I have a gazillion ideas for interactions between muses and other times I get stuck bc I have no clue how to create a situation for two muses to have an excuse to interact. 》

Inbox

《 My inbox is open to anyone and to (almost) anything. You can send me random nonsense on anon for all I care, as long as it isn't overly vulgar or hostile. Don't get me wrong, you can still push my muses around (tbh I encourage it), but there's a point to where it stops being fun.

RP memes also don't expire on this blog. You can send me something from a post I reblogged over a year ago (though please specify if it's an emoji meme—there are emoji asks in purgatory bc I can't remember what meme it's from and have no clue how to respond).

The asks I'm most interested in tend to revolve around personal relationships or deep dives into my muses? Y'all can probably tell from what I usually reblog. OOC memes are also good when my muse is low, though I'd feel bad if I posted OOC too often. Y'all came for my muses, not to hear me ramble.

My speed tends to vary, though I usually find it easier to respond to ask memes than ic stuff. 》

Selectivity

《 I say that I'm semi-selective on my promos, though I'm generally open to writing with people. Most of it comes down to anxiety—I still try to reach out to people, but it makes my day when people reach out to me? Tbh, I'm constantly worried about bothering people and having people care enough to approach me is a huge deal. Sometimes I can be all over the place, but ideally, I'd like to open myself up to new partners. Depending on a handful of partners can be a huge issue down the line, especially knowing how I can be sometimes. 》

Wishlist

《 What I'm most interested in tends to shift, but I have a wishlist tag (creatively labeled "wishlist") if y'all want to check it out. Generally, I'm interested in exploring interpersonal relationships. Romance, rivalry, friendship, family, what have you. I tend to lean towards fluff or...Sour Patch Kids threads? I'm sure there's a better word out there to describe it, but basically angst/melodrama which leads to fluff. Sometimes I can do full on angst, though I don't do so as often because they're kinda a bummer. 》

Honest Notes

《 This goes for everything I've previously mentioned, but I have a tendency to hyperfixate. It could be a certain muse, a specific aspect/character dynamic, sometimes even specific mutuals as odd as that might seem. I don't intend to brush people off or play favorites, it's just that my attention and memory are both atrocious. 》

Random Side Notes

《 Related to the hyperfixation thing, there are times where I post a lot of art/headcanons to my oc blogs instead of actually writing ic stuff. I started out as an oc rper and I find it easier to write ocs (hence why Maddie has pretty much taken over this blog). Sometimes I'm able to write canon characters like I would ocs, though I don't think I could ever be more invested in a canon character than my ocs. They're my babies, y'know? I've also probably mentioned before that I don't watch a whole lot of shows because I spend most of my free time thinking about my ocs. That could have something to do with it...

Also—if y'all want to direct message me, I prefer Discord over Tumblr IMs. I'll still respond to Tumblr IMs, but Discord is better if y'all are looking to have regular/on-going OOC contact with me. Idk, it just feels more organized and personal? I check my Discord pretty much daily, so I'll probably respond quickly (if I don't forget to write back, that is...but I still don't think I'd leave you hanging for too long). 》

[cfavigncn]

hi hi! my name’s hannah ( she / her, 23, est ) and this little marshmallow is juliette dewhitt, though most here would know her as avignon!  she’s a front desk receptionist at the hotel. i’ve got info on her below the cut! like this or message me if you want to plot because it’s my fave thing ever!  i’m also in the discord so we can talk there too. can’t wait to get started!!!

tw: cheating, verbal abuse, alcoholism

INFO.

❛   ｡   ❄️  ﾟ danielle campbell. female. she/her /  did i hear you say flowers pressed between the pages of a well-loved book, sunlight peeking through clouds, a half-empty bottle of lavendar perfume, & a smile no less genuine just because it’s exhausted ? then you must be talking about avignon, i’d recognize them anywhere. i’ve heard that the twenty-three year old front desk receptionist is a cancer and honestly, i see it. they’re known for being stubborn & overbearing, but their kindhearted & selfless tendencies make up for it. they’ve been working at du lac for two years and i think that their real name is juliette ‘jules’ dewhitt, but don’t spill. ( hannah. 23. she/her. est )

HISTORY.

so juliette was born in paris to arthur dewhitt and and celeste boucher. they were a bit of a cliche, him being an up-and-coming author and her being the darling of french theater.

when they first got together, arthur told anyone that would listen that he fell in love with celeste while watching her on stage, before ever having said a word to her.

the issue with their grand love affair, though, was that it was exactly that- an affair. celeste was already married to another man. he was a prominent director and had oh so coincidentally been the one to cast her in her first breakthrough role. and though celeste wasn’t in love with him anymore, he was still utterly devoted to her.

with the baby on the way, arthur started putting pressure on celeste to leave her husband and be with him openly. but as much as celeste did love arthur, she loved her career more and she feared what the revelation of the affair would do to her chances to perform.

 she pushed him away, telling him that she loved her husband (she didn’t) and that she wanted to give her baby the best chance at happiness with a nuclear family (that hadn’t even come into her head until she said it out loud). 

arthur was heartbroken, but he respected her wishes.

years later, he ended up writing a novel that drew heavily from his own experiences with celeste. it was critically acclaimed- beloved by the critics, made into a movie, generally agreed that it would be one of the novels that defined the decade. 

unfortunately for celeste, there were enough details that mirrored their own lives that her husband finally caught wise. he confronted her and though she lied and denied as fervently as she could, he ended up leaving her and the daughter that he now knew wasn’t his. 

 without the income of her husband, and now getting too old to land the roles that once sustained her career, celeste ended up moving herself and juliette to a small town in france. 

she hated it there, having always been so used to the hustle and bustle of paris.

juliette would have been only 13 or 14 when this happened and to say that it was devastating would have been an understatement- within the span of a few weeks, she found out that her mother had cheated, that the man she had always considered her father wasn’t and that he no longer wanted anything to do with her, and then got moved away from everything that she knew.

she ended up getting a job as a bagger at the local grocery, riding her bike to and from work. 

her mother talked about getting one herself but never seemed all that pressed to actually start looking. instead, she focused on reliving her golden days and began drinking heavily. 

slowly, she devolved into a hateful and cold shell of her former self.she resented her daughter, thinking that it was because of her that the perfect life had unraveled around celeste.

jules learned to grow up very quickly after that. she cooked dinners, made sure that the bills were actually mailed out, always put a blanket on her mother when she passed out on the couch, and turned a cheek at the words spoken while still awake.

despite everything, jules is actually an incredibly positive and kind person. she realized very young that no amount of bitterness at her own plight would change things and that she wanted instead to focus on putting joy and kindness back into the world. 

she focused on creating healthy friendships and relationships, on her schoolwork, on anything that wasn’t her home life. 

she probably wouldn’t have told anyone about what she was dealing with at home, as she didn’t want people to worry about her. 

when it came time for university, jules decided to study hospitality. she was an incredibly detail-oriented person, and had learned over the years how to manage her own household. plus, it was a career that she thought her good nature would be suited to. 

it was hard to leave home, not knowing what state her mother would be in without her, but jules reasoned that she couldn’t hold back from having her own life forever. 

at school, jules really started to thrive. left to only care for herself, she started exploring every hobby that she could think of and learning everything about herself that she could. 

she even reached out to her birth father, who was thrilled to finally get to acknowledge his daughter. they’ve begun a tenuous relationship that they’re both very nervous but hopeful of. 

it was actually a suggestion of his that, as he hadn’t had the chance to support her while growing up, that he could get her a connection at the hotel du lac, where he regularly stayed when he wanted to write. 

she’s even started going by his last name! it’s really exciting for her. at first it was just because it would help with the job interview but it’s started to be something she does in her own head too.

she works at the front desk, and actually really likes it. basically her whole job is solving problems for people and staying friendly, both of which are right up her alley. also, she always loved visiting avignon while growing up and to have it as her codename is actually very charming to her

HEADCANONS.

she’s super afraid of heights. one time went to the top of the eiffel tower and nearly puked. hasn’t been up since

she loves oversized sweaters, soft blankets, fuzzy knee-high socks, basically anything cozy. would probably sit in front of a fireplace for a year if she had the time

laughs at her own jokes. sometimes literally can’t get through telling her own jokes because she’s laughing too hard

she has a really impressive book collection. growing up, she’s always loved the escapism of reading and ever since she got in touch with her father, he’s been sending her his own favorites. her favorite ones are the ones that he’s written his thoughts in the margins, a habit which she’s since picked up

she’s a total pushover. would do anything for anybody. honestly, to the point where it’s a character fault. it’s led to her being taken advantage of more than once in her life

hasn’t ever had a pet before but she would totally love to get a cat one day

doesn’t handle interpersonal conflict super well. like, she could get yelled at by a guest all day long without breaking a sweat but if someone that she cares about gets visibly upset with her she kind of freaks out and overextends herself trying to make things right again

loves knitting and baking when she’s stressed out. it’s nice for her to have something to do with her hands while her mind is racing and then at the end of it all, you’ve got a nice little treat for yourself!

has recently started keeping a little journal that she writes in. it’s partially to try and collect her own thoughts and get to know herself better and partially because she wants to have something shared between herself and her dad

WANTED PLOTS.

friends!!!!!!! avignon has never really had the chance to have close friends growing up because she never had the money/time, and she was afraid to get too close to people and have them realize the situation with her mom

her dad. this one will actually be a wanted connection, but i would love to have arthur (obviously that name isn’t set in stone lol) around and start to navigate their relationship actually being together for the first time

a love interest- avignon is very guarded about romance because she’s got deep abandonment stuff and also is afraid that she’s not good enough for it but like i can totally imagine her having these huge feelings for someone, either requited or unrequited that she doesn’t know how to handle and getting very blushy about it

a bad influence- she’s never really had the chance to let loose and have fun before, so i’d def like to see that happening. plus, she would probs start trying to like take care of them in return and make sure they drink water and the whole nine it would be very charming

irritant- tbh, she isn’t most peoples’ cup of tea. she’s very almost aggressive about her kindness and i can imagine that there are people that would absolutely hate that and they would just butt heads over it

[ajoraverse]

I know it’s been a while since I did anything SU and I’m sorry. Dragondance/the FFV stuff is pure self-indulgence. So here’s the starter for the next chapter of Beta AU. 

One hundred years into Jasper's training regimen and she still couldn't manage the swift, elegant moves Pearl was able to do with her sword and spear. Not that it mattered, she supposed. Her strength was in brute force and probably always would be, but at least Pearl's training helped fine-tune her reflexes and ability to predict the moves of a smaller, more agile target.

The topic of joining the Crystal Gems hadn't been brought up since her first training session with Pearl. She still had her village to run, and the more rigid beliefs formed by centuries of living with nearby humans would always clash with Rose Quartz's ideals of freedom and sacrificing everything for love. When Pearl talked about things other than training, it was usually about the glory of the Crystal Gem's war for Earth.

Jasper largely kept quiet during Pearl's tales of battle, occasionally working in a question when she could. Mostly it all sounded like some of those fireside tales humans told during bitter winters; great and glorious and so far removed from the present that they might as well be legend. Yet, sometimes when Jasper stood out at her butte and watched the stars, her thoughts wandered to those tales and she indulged in fantasies of proving herself in battle.

Reality always came with the dawn. With the bulk of the village off to explore and do business with the enormous mound cities to the east of the Great River, Jasper was left with a handful of gems and that yawning expanse of ennui that threatened to swallow her whole.

The sprawling apartment complex was finished, at least. Mother spent more and more time in the room they made for her that was built between Jasper's apartment and Twig's, often slipping into quiescence atop the nest they rescued from that one gutted injector. Someone brought in turkeys from the southern lands for the feathers they provided, and they made themselves at home in Sage's garden whenever they escaped their pen. Which, of course, left Jasper with the ignoble task of keeping them in hand while Wren repaired the turkey pen and Sage prepared her garden for the spring with the help of a human.

"You could stop farming," Jasper said one day, when she had the turkeys in her arms and was ignoring their attempts to peck at her.

"We could just give those birds away and be done with them." Sage's attention was fixed on dropping seeds into the carefully-measured holes in the garden soil. Jasper didn't understand why they could farm here but not the other Kindergarten, but she suspected that it had something to do with the kinds of plants Sage used: squash to prevent the growth of weeds and repel bugs, maize to provide a growing framework for the beans, beans that fed all the plants somehow and made the maize kernels digestible to humans. Then there were peppers for flavor, cotton for weaving, and melons for those who liked their sweets. Outside the rainy season, everything was watered by the cache of jars and gutted injectors they re-purposed into tanks.

The human man, one of just a long parade of humans who came to learn Sage's secrets over the centuries, looked up from his digging stick and grinned. "I'll take them."

Jasper's response was nearly instantaneous. "They belong to someone already."

"They're Wren's," Sage said with a sigh. "Bullsnake, she'll probably let you have the chicks if you talk to her."

"We'd appreciate it." Bullsnake paused to stretch out his back; farming was hard work for humans, but it was more reliable than hunting. "My family just started out in a new cliff, so anything helps."

Jasper wasn't surprised; the local humans took a shine to building along and within cliff walls seemingly overnight. Maybe it had been a few hundred years since the first humans built their complex masonry homes in the alcoves in cliff faces, but it still felt so recent. She still wasn't sure why. "Why did people start moving into cliffs? You didn't always build in them."

Bullsnake looked up at her, as if perplexed by the question. "I think it's just... a number of reasons. To get away from river bugs and seasonal floods, or take advantage of the springs that sprout up in them sometimes. The stone blocks that fall off the ceilings are good for building. South-facing cliffs absorb heat from the sun during winter months. Safety. Tradition. The last place was getting too crowded. There's no single reason."

"Fair." Jasper had always wondered, too, if humans had gotten the idea from seeing their emergence holes inside the canyon, but it never seemed appropriate to ask.

She fell silent as Sage reviewed her numbers for Bullsnake: plant the maize seeds first, approximately fourteen days after the last frost of spring. The squash and beans would be planted during the monsoon months. They had to be so many foot-lengths apart. The maize should be about this high before the stalks could serve as growth support for the beans. And so on. When they were done here, Sage would give him starter seeds to supplement his family's collection. Would they like melons? Cotton? Oh, she had some extra dried greenthread he could take home with him for teas.

Jasper was always a little bit jealous of Sage's patience with plants. She never had it with other gems, of course, but for plants her reserves of patience were endless. Once, many years back, Sage had confided in her how much she appreciated how plants could change over generations. Maize, for example, apparently started off as small grass stalks and plants that produced the biggest kernels were favored and bred for thousands of years, until they produced great ears of corn in multi-colored variations.

In time, once Wren was finished patching up her pen and Jasper dropped off the turkeys, she came back to Bullsnake and Sage taking a break and talking.

"Those rocks in your bodies are your spirits?" Bullsnake asked. He sat on a nearby boulder, his digging stick lying next to a hoe made of a deer's shoulderblade.

Sage hummed as she sorted through her seed pots. Some bore the markings and colors of far-flung villages, others bore the meticulous, multicolored marks of other gems' handiwork. "You could say that. Our bodies may be destroyed, but as long as the gem remains intact, we can revive."

Bullsnake paused; he looked at Sage thoughtfully, as if he wasn't sure if he should share this information. "And those monsters, they're your people?"

Jasper's attention was yanked hard out of the boredom that came with the domesticity of farming.

"Yes," Sage responded. Her voice was sharper; she likely came to the same conclusion that Jasper did. "They're that way because they're sick."

"I heard from one of the pilgrims on the way to Salt Canyon that one of the pyramid kings conquered a stone monster and keeps its stone in a diadem." Bullsnake looked uncomfortable as he said it. "Will you try to get it back?"

"We'll send Egret." Jasper's response was automatic at this point. Diplomatic problem? Throw Egret at it. She walked the streets of the pyramid-builders all of twice and missed the cacophony and chaos of a hundred thousand people, but diplomacy was decidedly not for her.

The man's tension eased; Jasper was reminded again of the dissonance between Pearl's tales of wartime glory and the histories the humans shared around campfires of devastation. Their human neighbors might trust them with trade and interpersonal relations, but they never quite got around to trusting them on matters of discord and strife.

No matter. Egret would do her routine and that should be the end of that.

---

Notes: Jasper had been to Teotihuacan before. However, the pyramid-builders mentioned here are Maya. Jasper’s gonna get to go visit the Maya Postclassical heartland. 

Sage’s farming techniques are inspired by the farming at Mesa Verde, Cliff Palace specifically. I did my final paper for North American Archaeology class on it. 

Finally: Salt Canyon is a translation of the Hopi name for the Grand Canyon. 

[nyrator]

Random Ny updates on Ny things

lots of photos, cosplay progress, ffxiv stuffs, life feelings and rotten nyan bleh feelings of insecurity

bought myself a new friend on a whim while shopping with friends about two weeks ago

the costume so far

still need to add fur to the bottom, but apparently I still remember how to sew by hand- need to figure out the best way to attach it, though. The collar I put on like a dress shirt kind of collar, but I don’t think I can do that for the bottom part (other than just sewing the fur backside to the shirt frontside, which almost seems too easy to be right- the cuffs I put front-to-front and folded over afterwards, giving them that flat edge on top, but not sure if I want that flat edge for the bottom...)

the tights, I made a mold of my leg out of duct tape (what a silly idea), but only had enough for one go around, so it was very flimsy after being removed. I decided the smarter method would be to fold the mold in half and cut the shape out of cardboard, which I did.

I don’t think I’ll have enough turquoise paint for the stripes, so I ordered more about a week or more ago... except it was undeliverable, because they sent it to Florida, and now they’re reshipping it, and estimated date was anywhere between the 23rd to Nov 5th, so yeahhhh. Last I checked, it got to the right place (PA), but then ended up in Delaware? so we shall see what happens

Haven’t even worked on the skates at all, which worries me, but the party is planned for Friday roughly (getting my friends together is always a thing). I notice distancing tends to be pretty lax around here, they deal with people on cash registers all day though so they’re used to being exposed and I don’t need to protect my mother anymore so hm (should get a blue mask and put some graffiti on it, though)

Tomorrow sounds like it’ll be friend-crunch-day, helping another friend with their costume and such as I try to fix mine. Haven’t worked on mine in a few days because dealing with blehs, but should get back to work on it (only a few days left...)

ALSO MY BOY IS REPAIRED

they sent that shoulder piece fast, like super fast- It was here by the 21st, mann- this is the piece they sent, arm and everything

First I thought, okay, just remove the jacket and put it on the other one- but then I realize, oh, wait, no that won’t work, it won’t stick, and this new jacket is glued on. I thought to super glue it on, but trying to remove it started to tear the peg, so I decided, okay yeah no leave it alone and figure out how to remove his torso

so I removed his torso, which took a bit of force, but now he’s back together and much looser but looking good, godd

also I turned 29 on the 11th, a pretty uneventful day all things considered. Friends came over the other day to deliver gifts (though one forgot his, twice, somehow), the other was a purple DDLC girl plush and pin because she’s purple (I should probably play that game to completion), the photo I have would dox me though and too lazy to get another photo at the moment

Otherwise playing a looot of FFXIV recently, beat the main story (first one at least), got the DLC and doing the Red Mage things (as a former fencer I am down though critical of my lalafell’s footwork), slowly trying to make glamours for every class, and the latest mission thing I’ve done was fighting Moogles to knock-off This Is Halloween, what a great fight (somehow managed to get like 8 unique moggle weapons and it makes me happy they exist), mainly a BLM/WHM/RDM/Weaver though Ninja was also fun (white mage is scary but Kresna is very good at doing crazy pulls when he’s the tank and I somehow help people survive by the skin of our teeth)

the crew (myself, Kresna aka Kure, my friends Spired aka Yomi, and James aka Sebastian, who only plays FFXIV in order to play mahjong with us), we all really enjoy mahjong now if you couldn’t tell (also Kresna’s character is great and now he’s making a Rivers Cuomo lalafell and we’re all going to be bards in a Weezer cover band, also shout outs to how cute Yomi is and the magnificent pompadour and sideburns Sebastian has)

But now to the less nice things

So, hmm. Still dealing with depression, a lot of it caused by interpersonal relationships, I suppose- My flaws and anxiety-induced communication issues make it really hard for people to feel like I care or am interested in them, I think. Seeing how I hurt people, and being powerless to help people on the verge of collapse or even suicide, it eats away at me. I can’t just leave them to their depression, and I want to stay connected and I genuinely value them in my life, but it’s taken such a toll on my own mental health and I absolutely cannot leave them alone, either- the type who can and would genuinely go through with taking their own life if left with absolutely nothing. I’m not sure what to do to help them or myself, but it’s hard just watching and being the only one who can listen.

Finally drew a Rotten Nyan picture today, but not that happy with. My feelings keep swaying between good and bad, and I think I’ll add more bad in a follow up doodle as well.

I worry I speak my mind too much- to other people, with these tumblr rants, with my tweets, I feel like I talk an unnecessary amount, mostly about myself, but never about what’s important to other people. I feel I make other people feel less appreciated by how little I talk to them or about them in comparison.

I feel like what I want to make makes me a creep, and that the people I consider friends, or at least close followers, would slowly vanish on me if I keep making it. Or I risk getting labelled as something, or being mocked for my creations. It’s a weird paranoia.

I’ve had some good talks with some friends this week that helped me feel more productive, watched some artist stream and forced myself to join another discord for that artist to try to interact with other artists, as well as trying to force myself to communicate and compliment their art as much as I reasonably can. It’s hard, very hard for me, but I need to treat people better and gain more connections.

But these things have been lightening my mood a bit, and trying to inspire me to draw more. But the uncertainty still lingers- Middle Lave for example, all I think of anymore is being mean to them, or remembering the bad or the humiliating instead of making more cute things. Any time I think of any scene, it just gets twisted. I can’t think of any good scenarios, either. Thinking of all the situations that make MLave cut themselves, or cry, or how frequently MLave had restroom issues (I could write pages and pages on that nonsense alone at the risk of it becoming some fetish work or something, I already feel like I’ve written too much about it), nonsense like that. Which, is it fine to just write about that anyway? I don’t know. I’m told there’s an audience for anything, and if people want to read it, they will, and if they don’t they don’t have to, but I’m still scared of pushing away an already existing audience- Followers are one thing, I don’t expect people to keep following something they don’t enjoy, but I guess just people I’m closer to, followers who take the time to interact with me frequently, I worry what they think of me and losing them (though I don’t want to be clingy or guilt-trip anyone either).

I also think of some of the word choice I’d use- it’d be accurate and authentic, but I worry with how people will take it (for example: Lave’s nickname growing up was “retard” or “r-tard” by their sister, and “faggot” by their father, and I know that kind of language is frowned upon even more so these days, but it’d be a disservice not to include it I’d think)

I have a separate twitter for Rotten Nyan though, I just haven’t used it, so maybe when I finally update the comic I can just keep all the twisted stuff locked away on it and the tumblr accounts.

There are lots of weird things I worry about, since on the topic- I feel like I’m just very naive. I see a lot of people enjoy “bullying” my character Dolly, and at times I wonder if I should encourage it, or speak against it, or what. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, and it makes me wonder if I’m a creep for enjoying tormenting Lave, enjoying portraying self-harmful or humiliating or self-deprecating scenes and wanting to talk about them or draw them, it feels wrong. I think of Suicide Boy, where I feel it takes it a bit too overboard, but I wonder if I’m any better.

Other things I see, say, pacifiers for example, I see them a lot in my pinterest feeds and some artists I follow. First I worry they’re some kind of kink I don’t know about, and if I had them to my character it’ll sully my art somehow unexpectedly, but then I see Animal Crossing add them, so there must be some fashion trend or something to it, maybe? I probably wouldn’t actually draw art of one honestly, but it’s a weird trend I don’t understand I guess, and I wonder if I’m weird for thinking it looks cute sometimes and weird at others.

I guess overall, in short, I’m just afraid of making something that drives people away from me, or being known for something I don’t want to be known for, or something. At the same time, I feel like worrying about it and talking about it so much also makes me a creep, somehow.

Anyway, if you couldn’t tell I’m just rambling at this point, but I should change subjects.

I did lose 10 lbs / 4.5 kg since I officially started my diet two months ago, which is nice. I still am too embarrassed to say what my weight actually is (gained a little bit of weight during quarantine), but I’ve basically lost what I gained this year and am almost halfway to a healthy BMI. Afterwards, I see no reason to change my diet (other than maybe how little energy I feel eating less than 1500 calories a day), so I’ll see how far the diet takes me before it plateaus. If I can be a bodyweight to cosplay Kuja by the time I’m 30, that’ll be ideal (of course, I’d still need to put in effort to get rid of a belly and eat healthier foods, but yeah). Still surviving mainly on 100% whole wheat bread, skippy peanut butter, and kraft mac and cheese / spaghetti with meatless sauce, but in measured portions at least with three meals a day.

Also, mann, between depression and FFXIV, I’ve really been neglecting ACNH- still try to play it every day, but usually only late at night when everything’s closed, so missing out on a lot of Halloween stuff I feel.

[joqatana]

Oftentimes when we’ve been hurt, all we want is acknowledgement and care from the person who hurt us. So what do we do with the people who never seem to say, “I’m sorry”? If you’re familiar with the four styles of communication, I’ll be talking about them as they relate to the styles of non-apologies that I’ve experienced. I use three of the four styles of communication as a way to identify patterns in the people we deal with, and also to differentiate them from more malicious responses when confronting harm-done. If you’re looking for what the fourth style — an assertive apology — looks like, you can read the first post in this series, “Owning Our Part.” This post contains some heavy stuff and descriptions that may be triggering, so take a break or stop reading if and when you need to. PASSIVE RESPONSES Passive responses often sound like apologies. In my experience, compassionate passive-communicators will appear to be (and usually are) genuinely distressed that you’ve been hurt… but when it comes time to take responsibility for their actions, the way they frame their responses makes it seem like the hurt just sort of happened. They will always have an explanation for their actions, and they tend to believe that if they are not being forgiven that it is because they are not being understood. Commonly, there seems to be a lack of awareness that explanations and justifications are not apologies. They will often say sorry, but won’t name the ways they contributed, or own the actions they took. When confronted they will divert blame. These types of communicators often have good intentions, but can be oblivious to the ways they’re skirting around the tough, uncomfortable aspects of an apology. Passive responses look like: - Shrinking when confronted — becoming small, quiet, sagging posture - Collapsing inward a fit of anxiety, self-pity or self-denigration — inconsolable about the situation or accusations against them - Solving problems by soothing your feelings rather than changing their behavior. - “I feel horrible that you think that about me.” — delivered with genuine sadness - “I’m sorry if you were hurt.” - “I’m so sorry you took it that way.” - “I was just trying to _____.” - “I just…” - “I’d really like to apologize,” but never actually names their hurtful actions or says “I’m sorry.” When respectfully confronted about their lack of direct accountability they might: - Justify their reaction. - Mention or demonstrate that they feel attacked; get defensive. - React with distress and confusion if you don’t accept their non-apology or “explanation” - Be reluctant or unwilling to leave emotional conflict unresolved, especially if you haven’t “forgiven” them or you remain upset. Seek to avoid sitting with uncomfortable feelings or interpersonal discord in favor of smoothing things over. - “Why are you being so difficult/aggressive?” - “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” - “I’m just trying to explain.” - “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” - “I’m just…” AGGRESSIVE RESPONSES Aggressive non-apologies are often easier to spot given their overt nature. Aggressive doesn’t always have to mean yelling and physical violence. Aggressive non-apologies often don’t feature “I’m sorry,” but they can. People who react this way may blow up at you, sheepishly apologize for blowing up, and then “forget” to circle back to the original issue. In my experience, they’ll blow up first, then move into other kinds of responses, often passive-aggression. Aggressive responses look like: Yelling the apology Expanded posture — standing when you’re sitting, leaning forward, getting in your personal space, stomping, fist clenching, large sudden gestures Interrogating your version of events and nit-picking details Demanding evidence and explanations for the accusations, including details of their own actions — time, place, exact sequences of what was said or done Extending or amplifying the argument unnecessarily to be more serious or broader in scope than it is Giving up when there are small snags in the flow of the conversation, like miscommunication or mishearing Extreme impatience with you, your word choice, or your understanding Extreme impatience with themselves, their ability to communicate clearly, their understanding of the issue “I’M SORRY. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?” “I’m sorry but that’s just the way I am.” When respectfully confronted about their aggression they might: Yell louder Blame you for their reaction Simmer, and continue to make excuses longterm Blame their reaction on their pride or how seriously they take things (including how strongly they care about you) Disengage, become passive or passive-aggressive PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE RESPONSES Passive-Aggressive responses can be challenging to identify. At first glance, the wording of passive-aggressive responses will often look right, but the “apology” will be delivered in an edged tone, or bookended by underhanded or disingenuous comments.. People using this communication style will appear disingenuous or cold, and will covertly be angling for something other than addressing your feelings or taking responsibility — for example, getting out of trouble or getting back at you for confronting their behaviour. Sometimes passive-aggressive reactions can appear more passive than aggressive. I find this particular version of passive-aggression to be especially difficult to parse; by all accounts they appear to shrink at the thought of hurting you, but are hiding (intentionally or not) their anger and jabs incredibly well. These particular patterns are built on the understanding that passivity and meekness can get people to back off a confrontation; as such, the passive-aggressive person’s shrinking or appearing hurt will be disproportionate to the conflict. Passive-Aggressive responses look like: Removing themselves from the situation without explanation, radio silence Closed posture — arms folded, looking away Eye-rolling Categorizing all the ways that they help you or did things right in that situation or other situations “Oh so I’m just a terrible person now.” This is an attempt to twist the intentions and derail your confrontation so that you feel guilted into “correcting” their assumptions with compliments or qualifying statements such as, “No no no, you’re not a terrible person! You’re great. I didn’t mean it like that.” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” — snapping tone, lacking compassion or softness “I’m sorry I can’t live up to your standards.” “I can’t believe you would think of me like that.” “After everything I’ve done…” “Fine.” “Whatever.” When respectfully confronted about their passive-aggression they might: Deny it or attempt to blame you for their reaction Walk away or refuse to engage “You’re not perfect either, last week you…” “I can’t do anything right.” “I’m trying to apologize and you’re attacking me.” TOXIC MANIPULATIVE RESPONSES Trust your gut. If you feel that someone is intentionally trying to mislead you about their motives or behaviour, then take action. You don’t owe anyone the benefit of the doubt, and you’re allowed to set boundaries and respectfully keep your distance if someone gives you the wiggins or leaves you feeling unsafe or exploited. For example, you may want to consider that a person is not operating with good intentions if after conflict you routinely feel that you: are losing sight of your wants and needs, are a different person around them — less confident, more sad or angry, are unsure of the boundaries or expectations of the relationship, and attempts at clarification leave you feeling increasingly confused, are confused by the events during, or leading up to a conflict, are drawn to them but something feels “off” don’t know what to say and are increasingly careful about your words and actions in a way that feels anxious or aimless. When it comes to apologies, manipulation can run the gamut of passive, passive-aggressive, and aggressive behaviour. Some people are very good at seeming proactive while they intentionally try to erode your trust in yourself. Tactics for Manipulative Non-Apologies include: Redirecting blame by steering the conversation away from their hurtful actions and onto yours instead Twisting your words or overblowing statements, including things that are not being discussed Framing any choice other than forgiving them as intentional cruelty on your part Love-bombing. Diverting your attention and avoiding responsibility by pouring energy into soothing your feelings, making you feel better, doting on you, etc. -Maligning your feelings to suggest that you’re being manipulative by expressing yourself “Crying is emotional blackmail.” -Routinely collapsing in on themselves when confronted: routinely threatening to harm themselves when you raise a grievance routinely harming themselves when you raise a grievance, and pinning their self-harm on your decision to address a concern — crying so long and so intensely that they cannot carry on a conversation, never returning to the topic when they are calm, and only reacting this way when confronted - Flattery: highlighting your compassion and understanding emphasizing your love for them, or their love for you. highlighting how long you’ve been their child/friend/coworker/partner/ “You’re so kind. I knew you’d never throw me away.” -Trying to rewrite your version of events or calling into question your memory of them (gaslighting) Telling you you’re too sensitive/can’t handle anything “Shh it’s okay. You’re just not remembering right.” “Are you sure that didn’t happen with someone else? Cause that wasn’t me.” “We both know your memory is terrible.” -Placing consequences for their actions in your hands: Intentionally highlighting what will happen to them if you don’t forgive them or if you speak about the harm they caused “You have the power to destroy my [reputation/career/long term relationship etc].” -Blaming your lack of forgiveness for negative consequences, rather than their actions: “Our relationship will never be the same if you don’t forgive me.” (It was never going to be the same anyway.) “This will make it difficult to work together.” (They made it difficult to work together.) “One of us will never see our friends.” (Invitations go two ways.) “Where will I go for the holidays?” (Wherever else they want.) When confronted, toxic manipulators will switch tactics. They may move from overblowing to flattery, or from flattery to collapsing. Each shift will be an attempt to hook you back in so they can continue to manipulate you, save their reputation, feel powerful, avoid consequences, or simply get away with doing what they want. If someone’s behaviour is malicious or unacceptable to you, you are allowed and encouraged to take action to distance yourself. HOW DO WE RESOLVE THIS? Non-apologies in all their forms can be challenging to recognize, let alone confront. Sometimes — maybe most times — it isn’t worth our energy to forcibly eek out accountability from people who are struggling with it, and that’s okay. We may be tired of the emotional heavy-lifting required to give the benefit of the doubt. It’s nice to think that everyone is trying their best, but sometimes their best still hurts us, and that’s okay too. Accepting that we might not get closure might be difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary; at such times, self-soothing and seeking care from someone outside the situation can help. Remember: other people’s reactions are not our problem to solve, and taking on their struggle as our own won’t inspire them to do the work for themselves. Pointing out their lack of accountability and then letting it be is a totally valid course of action. If you wish to do more, then strong, direct boundaries and expressing clear, actionable needs can help us find resolution, and make it clear whether things are improving or not.

[jacky-and-sparks]

JACKLYN’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicyjumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: Presli/Katherine/Des, honestly I answer to almost anything, I respond especially well to Pun Queen. OOC Contact: Tumblr asks and IMs are always A+ ways, and if you want to add me on Skype(Desdomena.) or Discord(#6028), just tell me who you are, like just a URL.

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Jacklyn is an asshole, like she is just a really mean person, to everybody, like you know the trope jerk with a heart of gold? This is not applicable, she is a mean person through and through. She is also a genius in one specific subject, machines, everything else is completely unimportant to her. Basically she’s a tech genius with no interpersonal skills, and a tendency to anthropomorphize machines, which she will talk to like they are pets. If you want a mental picture of her being angry just picture an angry bird all fluffed up, that is basically her.

Points of interest:

Jacklyn is fairly heavy, like noticeably so, but most of it is muscle, like she can and will deck you if she feels like it. Her skin is pockmarked and unhealthy looking, and her hands are constantly an angry red from her chewing/picking at her nails. She is almost never without her security bot, and later without her shotgun, which she has no qualms about using. Often she is also covered in bruises from running into things from her disaster of a work shop.

Where to find them:

She is almost always in the Drop, most specifically inside her shop, which is denoted by a grimy sign that says ‘OPEN’ and underneath that is scrawled, ‘Time Wasters will be shot’. Once Rapture goes to shit she stays there but also sets up several turrets in the area, so she can most often be found scavenging supplies from the general area.

Desired interactions:

I’m pretty much up for any and all interactions, though finding her a friend would be nice. Someone who is willing to put up with her being an asshole because she’s actually pretty useful to have around. Also enemies, let her have a knock-down drag-out fight with someone. Piss her off.

Also from a previous post: I want Jacky to make a friend, but like one who is her complete opposite, by which I mean actually good with people, not necessarily nice. But like just think of like people on the outside, being like how the fuck are you two friends? Like it’s just a mystery, but really it was just a matter of them being thrown together in some sort of circumstance, where they had to interact at least a few times. So it’s more of a ‘let’s just make this as painless as possible’, that becomes, ‘wow you’re less annoying than I thought.’

Offered interactions:

Like I will do anything you want with her, she’s great if you want your character to get the shit beat out of them by annoying her. Or like if you want them to make a very angry friend, or just to have her fix stuff.

Current open post/s:

I have an Open Starters list, which is old but they are always open, and also always feel free to ask me for one, like a starter call and send in memes, I love memes. If I have posted a meme feel free to send it in, I’ll probably still be accepting it.

Anything else?:

Unless I have a really strong muse I probably won’t do multiple replies a day, especially since I tend to answer at night and then go to sleep. Also if you tag me in something and I don’t seem to have noticed it, i.e. haven’t liked it or replied in a week, never be afraid to shoot me a message. Also I am around a lot more during the end of the week as I do work longer hours MTW.

Tagging: Anyone, I stole this, so you should all steal it too, I’ll probably fill it out for my other muses in the near future.