when L met mello and told him stories about his cases, i think he was trying to pick him apart.
he understood near, near was supposedly the most like him. near was very easy to pick apart. but mello in all of his emotional complexity with layers he hasn't even uncovered himself? L needed to see that for himself to make his choice. he needed to figure out exactly who mello was.
and he did. and his choice was to not choose. because he saw mello, he knew who he was now, he knew that being on par with near wouldn't be enough and choosing both would still drive a wedge between them. but he also saw that mello wasn't as tough as he pretended to be. that he was an insecure kid that wanted to be worth something, and he saw that it didn't REALLY have anything to do with near.
so he chose not to choose. he knew that they would be forced to cooperate sooner or later. he knew that if mello was able to accept his truth, he would be able to work with near (more or less) and help him in his own way. he knew that near would be too confident, and he knew that when push comes to shove, mello would put his pride aside to ensure that kira was stopped. that was what he was looking for. one person wasn't enough, and he knew it. one person alone will always have their flaws. he needed two people whose flaws balanced each other out.
but from the outside, mello looks like a bully. he looks like a cruel individual who doesn't care about anyone but himself. he looks genuinely confident and sure of himself. clearly, that wasn't the case, but L needed to see for himself to really truly figure him out and decide what was next. mello took it as a sign that maybe he was better than near, but L was just testing him and he passed
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In high school there was this smart popular kid and some weirdo that somehow became friends and they just met that day. Then they had this weird homoerotic game of tennis and I haven’t seen them since. I wish them all the best.
Jk this was actually a scene in Death Note and the POV of the other students.
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anyway i have some more proof for my "mello still would've killed himself if he lost to near" theory. special shoutout to @melloneah for giving me input while i talked my head off about this. ur a real one
first of all, this:
his "great and respected predecessor, the man whose actions were a strong influence on me personally." beyond birthday, the second child much like second place mello. the second child, the backup, the second choice who went off the deep end. he could never succeed, bound for failure. and of course, mello goes so far as to say he's trying not to base his analysis of beyond on his own experience. trying, but not succeeding. he takes influence from B because he understands and relates. he knows what it's like to be second best, to feel like a copy. and the "if this was how i felt, i shouldn't even need to say how bad it was before."
then, there's this:
the emphasis on beyond's failure and loss. but then, mello circles it BACK around to "my poor, poor predecessor," which has a strong undertone of mockery, given what we know about mello and how he views failure. and then he says that B must've "longed for death," and offers condolences for the humiliation that he experienced.
obviously, i can't bring up any of this without mentioning mello's introduction to the story where he knows he's going to die and has accepted that.
mello knows he is going to die because he knows his options are a victory by default if near dies or not beating near and surviving, which as i mentioned before, he implies to be embarrassing and not worthwhile. he studies these actions through beyond as he leads himself knowingly up to his death. but he knows what he's doing. that's why he takes off his helmet. he can't and won't live with the failure and shame. he studied where beyond went wrong in his own failsafe suicide attempt so that he wouldn't make it out alive and suffer the same shame and embarassment.
not to mention the phrasing. "died like a dog," according to merriam-webster, is used to describe a dishonorable or shameful death. he acknowledges that through beyond too, with the embarrassment of failing. he knows his own death will shameful, but he also hasn't died yet, which implies his choice in the matter. he chooses to die a shameful death because he believes it's better than feeling his own defeat. he compares himself to beyond repeatedly and admittedly takes inspiration from his actions all the way until the end.
he references the hardest part of killing someone in one of the paragraphs above, which is important because it's a callback to when he says this:
he acknowledges that killing is hard, and in the part where he makes this callback, he says that humans aren't designed to die easily. so he has to do something more extreme to not make beyond's mistakes. something that would keep him from the same embarrassment of surviving when he meant to die. perhaps even something that violates those natural laws of the universe-- oh, wait, wait.
interesting. very interesting.
i also must point out my own personal views on the labb murder cases book. firstly, i do not think it is canon in the sense that everything in it happened. i do think it is how mello personally views the events that unfolded, but despite his denial i do also think it is largely influenced by his own experiences and worldview. there would be no way for him or L to know the exact dialogue that occurred, or anything beyond the major plot points. a lot of it is left open for interpretation, and mello makes up his own dialogue and perspective. was B or misora really anything like how they were depicted in this story? who knows. most of it was made up. and given he expected near to be the first to read it and the only person to care or understand, i think he knew that near would know exactly what that book was.
mello knew he would die, was yet to die, seemed to know how he would die, foreshadowed it, recognized all of the risks of the notebook and yet continued to show his face, and then all of the connections of himself to beyond especially right before acknowledging his suicide attempt as a power move and the humiliation of surviving through failure. he never had any intention of making it out alive. his case study on beyond was truly an analysis on himself. the labb murder cases wasn't just a story or a fanfiction, it was a suicide note. one last insight into the complexities of mello's mind, and perhaps most importantly, he gets the last word.
edit: i also just realized the full title is "death note: another note the los angeles bb murder cases" but none of the other death note books are called "another note" because the rest of them are not notebooks or notes. but this is. mello says he doesn't want it to be a novel, but it's because it's intended to be a suicide note and that EVEN IF IT TURNS INTO A NOVEL it is always a suicide note first and foremost.
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