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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 7 months

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for the ask post, I wish you'd write a fic for a part 2 for no longer yours to keep. I think it would be sweet if they did poly but maybe it takes Garrick a bit to warm up for the fact but still sees that Xaden cares for reader also

The second part to this piece

Warning: blood, nudity

You wouldn’t go back to the first month of rage ever. You wished it never happened in the first place. But then maybe it was inevitable. So many things were changing and as strong as both of them were, bonding a dragon had taken a toll on them too. You had managed to hide it for a couple of weeks. Fighting the urge to find comfort in Xaden. You had chosen to ignore him but that had only caused you more physical pain.

“What’s wrong?”, Garrick had pulled you aside after you practically got choked on the training mat because you were too sloppy. “It’s nothing”, you muttered as you had for days. By now looking in his eyes had gotten too much. “Quit that, love. We don’t hide shit from each other”, his tone was harsher, slicing bits of your heart off as guilt slammed into you.

You raised your teary eyes at him. Garrick’s face softened instantly, “What is it? What’s hurting?”, his hands gently reached for you as he looked you over. “Promise me you will not act on it”, you muttered. But there it was. That stoney, killer like wall, “Then don’t give me a reason to kill someone”, he said through gritted teeth, “Spill it out”.

“I bonded a mated dragon”, you whispered. Garrick simply looked at you with a shrug, “And?”. You swallowed thickly. Knowing that this might as well be the last time he’s looking at you. “Mated to Xaden’s dragon”, you muttered, “Meaning that we are also…”, “No”, Garrick hissed, “Bullshit”. You closed your eyes, trying to keep yourself calm. “It wasn’t my choice, I only felt it when I saw him after”, you heard Garrick inhaling sharply.

“That was two weeks ago”, it was a cold, calculated kind of answer, “You knew for two weeks and didn’t think of telling me?”. He hissed stepping closer to you. Towering over you. “I didn’t want to lose you”, you hiccuped. “Fuck that, have you been sneaking around too?”, his hand found your neck, making you look up at him. Even against his grip you managed to shake your head. “I couldn’t, I told him that I would not let him interfere”, you cried out, trying to reach out for him, but Garrick batted your hands off.

“You fucking…”, he called out right as the back room yanked open and the room went pitch black. “Careful how you speak to her”, a voice hissed. A voice so familiar. As if from the depths of your soul. And suddenly you were slumped against the wall. Glimpsing up to find Xaden pinning Garrick against the wall. “You selfish fuck, why do you always insert yourself in situations where you’re not needed”, Garrick hissed, shoving Xaden off. Both males growled, reaching for their daggers.

You jumped to your feet quickly. Pushing between them right as they lunged forward at one another. Both of their daggers nicking your arms, drawing blood. They both stilled at the same time. Metal clanked to the floor as they reached for it. Both assess the damage. “Look what you did”, Garrick hissed. “If you weren’t a selfish bastard”, Xaden bit back. You grasp both of their hands in yours, silently pleading with them for a heartbeat, before muttering a broken, “Please”.

The memory is still painful enough to jolt you up from your sleep. But as much as you want to move and get up, you can feel the weight of arms pressing down on you. Bringing ease and comfort into your bones. Chasing the anxiety away. “You should be sleeping”, a low voice muffles from the left side of you. Sending warmth soaring through your body. “So should you”, you mutter, suddenly not trusting your voice. “Garrick is snoring”, Xaden huffed, and even in the dark you could make out his sharp features. The strength that he possessed lay down for you to see. “Oh you poor baby”, you chirped at him, brushing your palm over his chest. Xaden wasted no time pulling you closer to him, “I would tickle the hell out of you if he was awake”, both of your eyes trailed towards the male sleeping on the right side of the bed. While they had grasped the hang of loving you loudly. Whatever kindled between them was mellow for a passing glance. But they made up with gestures of care.

“You’re thinking about us”, Xaden stated after a moment of silence. “How do you… Never mind”, you shook your head, reaching to pull the blanket over Garrick’s shoulders higher. Xaden’s fingers ran up and down your bare back. “You two are doing okay?”, his voice was much more gentle this time. After the loss of temper and the idea of an open relationship between you three was on the table you and Xaden had practically clawed at each other at any moment you two had. Your dragons had happily joined the frenzy. That had made Garrick pull back. You doubted that it was his ego that had been bruised considering the nights you two had shared. It was more the act of letting go fully that had frightened him. You two had been each other’s strength for years.

“We’re okay. Went on a date yesterday. It was nice”, you smiled slightly thinking back to the evening you two shared. “Reminded me of the old times and it was…”, you stopped yourself from regretting the words that were seconds away from slipping through your lips. “Just you two. I get it”, the gentle brush of his fingers stilled as he focused on the ceiling.

You shifted slightly, moving beneath the sheets to drape your leg over his hips as you moved to straddle him. You were able to open your mouth but Xaden beat you to it. “Do you think you both will forgive me for my poor choice of when I was younger and left you by?”, the old wounds cracking open. You sighed, leaning in to press a couple of loving kisses across his chest, “Have you forgiven yourself?”, and somehow your words had hit Xaden harder than a no could have ever hit. “Not to mention that you had time to come clean after”, Garrick’s groggy voice sounded through the room. “Ger…”, you breathed out, not wanting this night to turn into yet another fight. “He’s right I should have made it up to you both”, Xaden admitted.

“Make it up to me with kisses now”, you leaned it brushing your nose against his. And while Xaden let out a low chuckle, Garrick only grunted, “You’re letting him off the hook too easily”. You pulled back, exposing your bare body to the two males. Not that they haven’t seen every inch of you already. “Can I win you both over like this”, you smirked, biting your lip. Garrick reached for your hand pulling you towards him, “You’re playing dirty, vixen”, he mused as his lips brushed against yours. You felt Xaden’s palms tightening over your hips, “She sat on me first”, he mussed pulling you away from Garrick, seating your right back against his hips. “Suddenly, I’m not in the mood to share”, Garrick growled at Xaden, who only smirked, “Suddenly, I’m in the mood for a challenge”.

#xaden x garrick x reader #xaden riorson #xaden x reader #xaden imagine #xaden riorson imagine #xaden riorson x reader #garrick tavis #garrick tavis x reader #garrick tavis x you #garrick tavis imagine #fourth wing imagine #fourth wing x you #fourth wing x reader #iron flame x reader #iron flame imagine

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jjungkooksthighs · 2 years

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Claws of Carnality | jjk (m) (13)

Pairing: alpha jungkook x omega reader

Genre: abo/werewolf and fantasy

Rating: 18+/nsfw

Word Count: 5.1k

Summary: The Duels of the Chosen are near. Tensions and desires rise.

Warnings: mentions of breeding, dom!jungkook, alpha!jungkook, alpha!Taehyung (he’s a bit of a cocky one this one), alpha!Jimin (best friends take after each other ig) sub!reader, omega!reader, cursing, praising, possessive!jungkook, LOTS OF TEASING, dirty talk, (blood) marking, mentions of breeding/ruts/heats, mentions of a mark, slick and pre-ejaculatory production, scent marking, scenting, begging, praise kink, breeding/impreg kink, character injury (someone gets hurt, but it isn’t serious), biting (BITE KINK IS STRONG IN THIS ONE)

A/N: Hello again, readers! It's been a few months since chapter twelve was posted, and I know a lot of you have been curious about what happens next. This chapter was one I felt I needed to have in there since, well...we're very near the fight and it'll just be that much more satisfying if that is built up correctly. That is what I hoped to accomplish this chapter, because the next one will FINALLY be the long anticipated fight! Please enjoy this, though. I think some of you will find it to be...entertaining, to say the least. As always, please let me know what you think! Words of affirmation/praise are needed to keep this writer feeling good about their work. :)

Oh, and please appreciate this gif, by the way. This gif single-handedly inspired this entire fic. Mayhaps there is a scene in this chapter where it might have, uh...stimulated something.

Masterlist

“How long are you going to sit perched by the heel of the she-wolf, Jeon?” Yoongi curls his lip in distaste as if the very name blackens his tongue before he jibes, “I grow impatient and weary of this. Let us fight for fuck’s sake.”

One side of your alpha’s mouth lifts upward in a cocksure smirk, his brow arching as his head turns to the side so he can taunt, “All in due time, Min,” he draws out the other wolf’s name slowly as he stands to his full height, the dried paint of blood all over his body a warning sign that darkens dangerously over his form as he turns away from you. “I suggest you watch your tone with me the next time you speak. If not,” his chuckle has even the dirt beneath him shaking, “I can always make you. Do not forget yourself, Yoongi. It is I who holds the battle rights. And it is I alone who will decide when we fight, how we fight, and where we fight. Piss me off enough,” your alpha rolls one shoulder back, his eyes narrowing, “and you will find that my terms will leave you with far more agitation than whatever you think you are dealing with now. Ask Taehyung how he fared when he tested me last.”

Yoongi snorts in answer, but does not say anything more.

You bite your lip at the way your alpha’s muscles flex and jump in the movement as he rolls his other shoulder back. At the show of power between the two wolves and how easily one demanded control over the other.

“You yield to him, Yoongi?” Taehyung cocks his head at the russet-haired wolf, “You fear him? How comical.”

“What I find comical, Taehyung,” Jungkook inspects his nails before making a fist into his other his hand, those fingers curving over it as his bones pop and crack, “Is that you nearly had your arm ripped off in the forest just a few hours ago because you dared to touch the omega. My omega. It is only because of her that all of your limbs are still attached. She will not stop me this time.” He angles his chin to the side, “So do not count your blessings. They won’t serve you. The only thing that will shall be pain.”

“Pain is temporary, Jungkook. Nothing you could do to me will sc-“

“Oh? How about I rip both hands off, Taehyung? Or maybe…maybe I should start with your fingers that you like to fuck not only Jimin’s sister with, but several other omegas with?” Your alpha asks, the barb sharp as talons as his words sink into the smaller wolf while Jimin, from behind Taehyung, stands with his mouth open and disbelief wrinkling the flesh around his eyes. “Do not think that rumors of your,” your alpha scrunches his nose, “activities have not reached me. They have been uttered to all but Jimin himself, who has a misguided loyalty to you when you clearly do not return it,” he clucks his tongue at Taehyung’s scathing scowl, “˙Perhaps you have forgotten, but in my absences here, Namjoon has been acting as my second-in-command. He’s given me all the details on your dealings. Many of which are questionable to say the least.” Disappointment hangs onto his words as he chides. “I have done my best to discipline you, but it looks like you need to learn the hard way what happens when you go against me.”

Taehyung’s mouth opens, closes, and opens again, but no words depart from between his lips.

“Taehyung,” Jimin’s voice is sweet as syrup, yet your own posture goes rigid as ice while the smaller wolf inquires, “is this true? You told me you’d stay away from my sister. You promised me that you’d stay away. And this whole time, you’ve been pursuing the same she-wolf you knew I was tailing for days?”

Your alpha bares his teeth at that, “Of course it is true, Jimin. I have many qualities, but being deceitful has never been one of them. I have never been that way,” he crosses his arms, his biceps bulging at the action and suddenly air is not a kind companion in the way it betrays you at the sight of him in his half-nude glory as he says, “And I never will. I cannot say the same for others, however.”

At your alpha’s words, fury ignites in Taehyung’s eyes. He gives a scorching glare at your alpha and when his lips part this time, his voice comes briskly from between them.

“Jeon, you fucking prick,” he spits, “I’m going to destroy you for this.”

Your alpha hums, “Mmm, not if Jimin gets to you first. I’ll be waiting for you on the other side, boy. If you can make it there, that is. I doubt very seriously you will. You never could beat me in a fight, and we’ve had many. Ah, and one more thing,” Jungkook’s neck cracks when his head rotates to the side, then to the front, the other side, and then the back as he warns, “Refer to me as a prick again,” his eyes promise danger in the way they grow dim, “and you will regret it.”

Taehyung is quiet as a mouse after that.

When Jimin speaks next, the saccharine flavor to his voice is gone. In its place, there is only the burnt remains of hatred as his eyes strafe from Jungkook to Taehyung.

“I will crush the both of you to shit,” he pushes Taehyung, though the other wolf doesn’t budge from where he stands. “I will fuck you up first. For lying to me and going behind my back. And you,” he points to your alpha, his nail elongating into a claw, “I will take your place as Pack Alpha so that no one will be able to lie to me ever again. And I’ll take your little whore while I’m at it. Since it is her kind that want to act like little sluts, I’ll make sure to treat her like one.”

From behind him, you cannot see the way the silvery flecks in your alpha’s eyes become shadowed until they are pitch black as they’d been a few minutes ago. What you can see, however, is the way Jungkook squares his shoulders and digs his feet into the black earth beneath him, his hands balling into fists so tight that his flesh turns snow white.

“That is enough. You’re making me angry. I will not stand to have slander spoken toward my mate. On my command, you shall not speak another word without my permission or I’ll have your tongue for your insubordination. Understand?”

Your alpha’s irises move from Yoongi to Taehyung, and then to Jimin. The trio remain silent. Even if they wanted to say something, they cannot for the same reason that you have not moved a muscle since your alpha ordered you to remain seated before him.

It is referred to as the Alpha’s Bidding.

When an alpha, beta or omega is in the presence of an alpha that overpowers them in strength (or if an alpha, beta, or omega submits and yields to another alpha–whether physically or verbally), that wolf cannot disobey that alpha if said alpha gives them a command. Their wolfly nature will not allow them to disobey the decree of the stronger wolf.

Jungkook did not particularly like to use this on other wolves. It left the wolves he used it on without their own free will or agency against what he asked them to do, so he’d made a pact to use it only in situations where there would be violence if he did not.

He’d only used it a handful of times in his life, for he much preferred to solve problems the way nature intended for it: to battle it out. And he’d never lost a fight.

This time, though… this time his better judgement was being overridden by one thing.

You. He could not bear it to hear such outrageous things be spoken aloud. And it made logic and reason slip like water through his fingers until only his emotion remained. Emotion that made him become aggressive in his need to protect you.

“When this is all over and I have all three of you on the floor panting, bleeding and crying in the dirt beneath my feet, I’ll make you all get on your knees and apologize for your gross misconduct toward my mate.” He makes a sound of consideration and taps at his elbow, “I’ll step on you and break the bones in your jaw if I detect so much as a hint of sarcasm, so you’d better fucking mean it. Do I make myself clear? This time, you can answer.”

All three wolves nod in unison at that one.

Jungkook jerks his chin and gives a dismissive wave of his hand, “Get out of my sight. All of you. Our battle will be held in the clearing in front of the knoll a few paces ahead of us. You are all to wait for me there.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes.

Taehyung spits onto the ground whilst staring daggers at Jungkook.

Jimin glares holes through Taehyung before glowering at your alpha.

Yoongi is the first to leave. Jimin is next. Taehyung is the last to disappear into the sea of wolves around you, but not before he his lips lilt upward.

You can’t bring yourself to pay attention to anything but the way your alpha’s shoulders rise and fall in uneven, broken intervals.

You wish you could get up and go to him. Maybe it’s your pre-heat fever speaking, but you think you know a few ways to lift his spirits (amongst other parts of him).

He’s still facing away from you and you have half a mind to wonder why your throat has become dry and scratchy when you haven’t even been talking even though you want to.

There are so many things you want to tell him. So many you wish you could say. Though, you suppose you could try speaking to him another way.

You close your eyes and imagine that string that ties you both together. The one that is wound around your muscles, your bones, your very heart itself.

You tug on that cord gently, the warm feeling in your chest that as is bright as the sun when you think of him pushed along that string.

Please turn around, alpha. Look at me, won’t you? I want to see you.

But I’m right here, omega. I’m right in front of you, am I not?

You pout.

I don’t need to turn to know that you’re sticking your cute little bottom lip out right now, you know. While that sight itself is something I would normally fall to my knees for, I need to prepare you for what comes next.

Prepare me? For what?

You hear his dark laugh before the telltale click of a metal latch that must belong to one of the three ornately carved wooden boxes the elders had arranged in a half-moon around your alpha earlier.

You open your eyes, and now he’s hunched over the largest of the square boxes in the middle. Each are the color of sepia, umber and burnt sienna and are held closed by impressive metalwork.

However, you’re entirely engrossed in the show of his shoulder blades that descend and ascend whilst the muscles beneath and around them swell in his ministrations as he works open the intricate latches.

The sight has you licking your lips and your digits twitching in your skirts.

You can’t see what he’s doing, but this view isn’t so bad, now that you think about it. Especially with the handprints that mar his golden back in crimson. Your handprints.

“Admiring your handiwork, omega?” He asks, his attention still set on whatever it is he’s retrieving from the blue, velvet bed of the box (the corner of which you can see peeking from under his knee).

“H-How did you know I opened my eyes?” You stutter, your cheeks heating at being caught red-handed.

“Easy. Your breathing changed.”

You whimper, “Not fair.”

Your alpha peers at you with amusement glinting in one eye and fondness gleaming in the other, the blackness that had swallowed their color melting away so that the silver of his irises streak them.

He lowers himself until he’s crouched again with his knees facing outward and how you managed to miss the way his thighs all but burst from the seams of his trousers the first time he did this is beyond you. You remember how it had felt to sit on them. To ride him on them.

The memories have another slew of slick dripping down your thigh. It takes but a second for the air to carry your scent to your mate.

He inhales deeply through his nose, his head falling back as he does. The sea of his back muscles ebbing as he grips whatever is in his hands with enough force that the veins of his forearms slither up to his elbows.

“Fuck,” the man actually moans, “your scent just got stronger. It’s making me hard for you. Again. Your heat…it will be upon you within the hour,” your mate’s pupils dilate, “and when that time comes, little one, ” he rises and turns on his heel so that the scarlet moonlight spills herself over his strong jawline as he draws in your scent only to release a shaky breath as he promises, “you’ll be whining much louder for me than you ever have before. Ask me why, omega. Come on. Let me hear you.”

Your cheeks burn at his words, the omegas circling you giggling and the alphas standing by your alpha howling.

Unlike before, his irises are not black as the night sky. They are the color of charred metal.

Your heart stutters beneath your bosom as he slowly treads toward you.

He doesn’t use the Alpha’s Bidding on you now as he did a few moments ago, but then, you both know that he doesn’t need to to get what he wants from you.

You’ll submit to him every time without fail. And he relishes in that.

It’s entirely predatory the way he moves. Each step is slow and calculated. Meticulous yet measured.

You really can’t help the fact that your eyeline, as if magnetized, is pulled toward his face. His hair is tussled and twists sinfully around his forehead and cheeks, both of which are accentuated more than usual with your blood lining them like war paint. His lips are parted deliciously and you have a thought to bite them if he gets near enough to you. You think he’d likely groan at that and would glad do anything to hear that delicious sound right about now.

His neck, lined with stripes and strokes of scarlet, taunts you and you have to swallow when his Adam’s apple bobs lewdly beneath his skin, your own gums tingling as your canines push against them when his mastoid pulses energetically at your attention.

You let your vision trail downward before your fangs can protract.

Your etchings of blood all over his chest seem to have held and you pull your lip between your teeth at the way your marks curve around and along his abdominals in a patchwork of muscle and flesh.

“Much as I love having you ogle me, I asked you a question, pretty. I require a response from you. Now.” His shadow falls over you and, seated before him as you are, he towers above you so much so that you have to lift your chin just to look at him as he crooks his head to the side to husk lowly, “I’m going to say this one more time, love,” he leans over you, those silver orbs of his spilling like moonlight from your eyes to your mouth, “Ask me why you’re going to whine for me. Why you’re going to whimper for me,” he takes your chin between his fingers so that you have nowhere to look but him as his voice deepens, “and why you won’t be able to stop singing for me once your heat comes.”

He's got you wrapped around his fingers. Literally.

And you can do little but suspire in answer. “Why, alpha?”

His long digits grasp you tighter as he leans in until his lips are suspended but a hair above yours.

When he does respond, his words are all but swallowed by your own lips that you readily part for him.

“Because you will want to breed, little one. All you will be able to think about, my little vixen, is how much you need to be filled,” he offers and, bent over you as he is, a strand of saliva collects onto his pink tongue until the pool of it runs over his lip and down onto yours. The crimson moonlight stains it red as blood as he chuckles deliciously, the sound guiding your thighs together once more as he flicks a brow, “and I will make sure you get so much of my spit,” he makes a sound in the back of his throat and his thumb hooks over your bottom lip to urge it apart farther only for him to hoick a ball of spittle into your waiting mouth, “so much of my cum,” his thumb departs between your lips to press down over your tongue, your joined dribble sloshing around his digit and then the four fingers he’s left on your chin are coaxing your mouth closed around his thumb as his eyes flash tellingly, “and so much of my cock that you’ll be dripping because of how much I’m going to pound into this mouth, this ass, and that pussy of yours.”

Your sex clenches around nothing. Hard.

You swirl your tongue around his finger and suck, your hormones demanding you to keep your alpha close. By whatever means necessary.

Nothing matters but him. You’ll do anything for him. Everything for him.

You can feel yourself slipping as the seconds go by, your need for him replacing any other cogitation of relevance.

“Gods, look at you. It has already begun.” He curses when you hollow your cheeks in the manner he’d told you to when you’d first had him in your mouth. “You could only be silenced from the cries you’ve been making nonstop for the last few minutes by using my fingers. Do you know what this means I have to do to you, little one?”

So that’s why your throat had felt scratchy. You don’t think about that for too long, though. There are more important things to give attention to.

Like your alpha.

With your mouth stuffed as it is, you don’t know how you can possibly give an answer he’d understand, but somehow, you manage, “Nnnno. Wwwhat doooes ittt meannn?”

Your alpha arcs his thumb, his nail biting into the soft pad of your tongue as he utters, “It means, my love,” his nail sharpens and lengthens just enough to prick you, “that I cannot leave your side until I’ve bound you. Even Alpha’s Bidding may not be strong enough to hold you away from me. You will try to chase me unless, of course, I chain you up so you cannot. Perhaps, to satisfy your wolf, I leave another mark on you. One you cannot ignore while you sit here and watch me make those boys bleed for you.”

There’s a heated, searing sensation on your tongue, but it isn’t painful. So sharp is his nail that you’d felt no pain, just as you had not when he’d entered you with his teeth.

“Open, omega. Open for me.” He orders.

You do as he says without question as he withdraws his thumb, the impulse to satisfy him overriding any other thought you could have.

Each inch of him that departs you has you whining once more, but your alpha is quick to whisper, “Even now, you can hardly bear to lose even an inch of me. Tell me,” he tugs his finger free with a wet pop from your mouth only and you both watch the thick bead of blood–your blood– fall down, down and down his finger and, with your attention fixed on him, he brings his newly freed hand before his own mouth, “what do you wish you could do to me right now?”

You sigh breathily as you look up at him, your mouth chasing his as he starts to straighten once more.

“I-I,” you stammer when he drags the tip of his thumb across his bottom lip to leave a smeared trail of red. “I…y-you.”

Your alpha rotates his hand so that the underside of his bloody thumb swipes over his upper lip before his fingers fall away and he arches his middle and index fingers inward in a come-hither motion.

“You shall have me, my omega. Anything you desire, if it is within my power to give you, will be yours.” He kneels before you. ”You know that.”

Like this, he’s level with you. Like this, you can lean forward and-

“What is it you want, omega?” He questions.

“Kiss me, alpha,” you whine. “W-when you mark me this time…I want you to use your mouth to do it.”

His blood-lined lips rise at that. “As you wish, my omega.”

One of his hands slips into your hair along the side of your face and then he’s slotting his mouth over yours, and then, finally, he fits his mouth against yours. He groans into it, which only has you moaning in tandem. He’s gentle, but possessive in the way that no part of your lips is not claimed by him.

You taste the tang of iron and want more. More of him. So, you take his full, plump upper lip between your teeth and tug experimentally.

You feel him smirking before you see it.

“You want it rough, my love? Fine. I’ll bite you hard enough that you’ll still taste this kiss when I’m away from you,” he decides.

He’s got your bottom lip between his teeth within seconds and then they are sinking down into the soft flesh beneath them hard enough to draw blood. Hot pain, delicious pain seeps through the afflicted area and the wet sound he makes as he licks at it has your thighs rubbing against each other for the umpteenth time.

So distracted by him, by this, that you don’t notice the movement of the arm he’d kept behind his back since treading away from the wooden boxes he’d made for you. For this purpose.

You’re far too swept in by the ebb and flow of his lips as he kisses you. Over and over again.

You hardly notice the pressure that is beginning to build at the forefront of your skull, or how your temples begin to ache, or how your vision starts to become hazy.

And when he pulls away panting, beads of iron linger in your mouth where liquid crimson dribbles from the corners of his.

You’re filled with an urge to lick it off of him.

Breathless yourself, you reach for him, but your ligament is heavy and hard to move in the slowed pacing of your blood in reaching it.

He catches your wrist, “You will have to pardon my brashness, omega, but I had to,” he breathes heavily, “I’m losing control over myself.”

“What?” You cock your head confusedly, but the motion has your head swimming with fuzziness.

The aching, the pressure and haziness worsen now that his lips are not there to distract you.

There was only one thing that could bring such symptoms so suddenly. Only one thing that could weaken a werewolf.

Your alpha guides your apprehended wrist to your forehead, your fingers tracing along the circlet of silver he must have adorned you with while you’d been caught between his perfect lips moments ago.

You don’t know what it looks like, but from what you can feel, there are thick interwoven filaments crossing over each other like vines. And in the middle of it, between your brows, your fingers run along the smooth face of a gemstone cut like a leaf.

Just like the tracings he’d left in blood all over you.

Long before he’d ever painted you in his design, he’d crafted you into his life. Even if it was just in silver.

Silver that would have sapped at his strength–both in mind and body–and sickened him every time he touched it.

And he’d done that for you.

Heat burns at the edge of your eyes and then your vision is becoming even hazier because of the tears as you try, “Jungkook…how long ago?”

The braided, plaited metal makes everything from your senses to your thoughts murky, but you try to fish some semblance of a sentence out. You have to. You need to know.

He catches the tear that escapes its place along your ducts before it makes it even halfway down your face as he finishes for you, “How long ago did you make this?”

You nod.

With gold peeking through the silver of his irises, he lays one hand over your knee and lowers his head to each of them and the act of deference has your heart panging in your chest as he admits, “My father taught me many things, but I think the trade of blacksmithing was one of the more useful ones. I was always eager to learn new things, but after I first saw you in the forest,” he presses his lips to your clothed knee, “I took to blacksmithing and practiced day in and day out until I could make something I felt would be worthy of you. I burnt my hands sometimes, and others, I accidentally cut myself, but I got the hang of it pretty quick.”

“That,” you attempt to find words through the fog in your head that the silver ringing it is making difficult locating. “that was long time. Ago.” You add with a sniffle and your alpha turns his head so that one cheek rests on your knee. This time, when another tear collects into a droplet, your eyelashes catch it and it clings to them for a second before it rains down over your lover’s exposed cheek.

He smiles adoringly up at you.

“Yes, my omega. But I’ve loved you for far longer than that.”

Trying to form coherent thought, with the silver circling your head, is like trying to find something you’ve lost in a cloudy mist.

But even that cannot disperse the solid emotions that have long settled in you.

“I…I love…you,” you get out, the hot tears streaming down your cheeks now, Want to,” you swallow, “Want to mark. To show you.”

His head departs from your legs and he considers you for a moment.

“Do what you must, my love, “his eyes softening as he gives you permission,” though, I cannot guarantee I won’t have to shackle you with more silver. What little control I have left is soon to snap because of how you beckon me so,” he brings his face closer to yours only to leave a featherlight kiss under each of your eyes and you can’t help it when you whine for more, “with how you beg for me so.” Something wet, long and soft brushes against your cheek only for it to go upwards in a stripe as he licks at the tears along your cheekbone and you’re quivering in an instant.

When he pulls away, his mouth is painted with your tears and blood.

Your wolf yowls, deep within you, and she wants to give him more.

“Alpha,” you call,” Bite. Bite me.”

Your alpha doesn’t question you. Understanding passes over his features, and then he’s smirking knowingly.

With the fingers he still has wrapped around your wrist, he turns your hand over so that your palm is brought to his lips.

Silver irises flash back up to you.

“There, alpha,” you breathe while he rubs his mouth along the side of your hand, his sight tangling deeper with yours all the while.

He parts his mouth, and before you, his canines lengthen until they reach his lower lip.

You do not wince when those teeth pierce your soft, pliable flesh.

He’d made them sharp enough that it would bring you no pain.

He sucks you between those beautiful lips of his, and you moan.

You don’t give a damn about anything except for him.

He stays there for how long, you don’t know, but even the moon becomes shy and has the clouds cover her from the sight of on his knees for you–both emotionally and physically– as he is.

He’s deliberate when he pushes his fangs deeper into your skin and groans, the sensation and vibrations from his throat sending a shudder through your shoulders.

The implications of the action are as loud as the sound of need you make when he detaches from you, his teeth tinged with your scarlet tears.

“Please, alpha.” They are the only words that reach your addled, jumbled mind now.

“I know, my love,” neither of you look at the rising pool of crimson that flows forth from the two large puncture wounds he’d left on you. Your attentions are entirely too fixed on each other for that. “I know exactly what you want.”

He is slow, unhurried in how he places your wounded hand over one of his cheeks and then drags it, steadily, along. A trail of crimson treads from his skin and then over his mouth, a gasp falling from your lips when he laps at you.

He doesn’t stop.

Not until you’re shaking. And begging.

Only then does he draw your bleeding hand over and across the other side of his maw.

“Does this please you, omega?” He grins, “To know that I’ll have you spread all over my tongue and my body? Or perhaps you wish there was something else you could smear me and my mouth with, hmm?”

He looks like a crazed, wild creature. And it’s hot as fuck.

It just makes you want to jump him even more.

Desire writhes within you. Your thighs instinctively try to seek each other, but the silver shining on your head makes your movements sluggish in a type of lethargy that has settled over your muscles.

You whine again.

Your alpha laughs.

#werewolf!jungkook #werewolf jungkook #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #jungkook #bts #dom!jungkook #bts abo #alpha jungkook #alpha!jungkook #alpha jungkook x omega reader #jungkook hot

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suburbanbonfire · 2 months

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tagged by @18minutemajor for a hockey art share tag game! I enjoy talking about myself but am terrible at posting so this is perfect. i WILL talk too much, this is a threat.

rules: post your first ever hockey art, your latest hockey art, and your favourite hockey art, then tag three hockey artists.

FIRST ART

I made the Kraken Orb (Korb) at the end of the 22-23 season, as a commemoration, although a sort of ironic one considering i had only gotten into hockey in time for the playoffs so there are a couple players here i actually never got to see play at all before making this (Joonas, Jaycob, Burky, Fleury)

it was a whole lot of fun though! Prior to this i was in a months-long art slump after leaving a fandom, so it was a total surprise to have hockey of all things be what revitalized my art.

technically, the very first hockey art from this was Matty; you can kinda tell by the way his lines are a bit thicker than the rest since i wasn't in my groove yet. i also knew coming in that i wanted to arrange the faces in a circle, but didn't plan out beyond that, so i just made sure that i was getting a variety of head directions in my references and hoped for the best. My favorites from this are Gru, Soucy, Dunn, Schultz, Borgen, and Eeli. I think they all turned out really well.

LATEST ART

MEAT CUT MEAT CUT

this one is fun for me because it's quite different from my usual style of art, with lineart and non-realistic forms/face. I've had the concept in my head for awhile after hearing/reading so many interesting descriptions of the physical qualities that good hockey players possess.

'Sacrifice the Body' actually came in mid-art when i had an epiphany doing something like driving my car or an activity similarly unrelated. Before that, it was going to be a lil heart drawn on the chest and the going contender for the label was 'Ferda.' which would've been great, but sacrifice the body just worked too dang well with the themes.

FAVORITE ART

i mean, c'mon. it's gotta be this one.

my magnum opus, my white whale. it came out even better than i saw it in my head and i love everything about it. when i came up with the idea, i had TOTALLY forgotten that Climate Pledge has those giant windows, so when i set out to find references and saw it, it instantly made everything even better with LIGHTING!!!!

It was my first time drawing this kind of interior architecture and although there's definitely things i would do differently now, im so so proud of how it looks and turned out. I was also still drawing through my decade-old laptop at that point, so I had to split up the work on this into two files - i sketched everything, then worked ONLY on the bg until it was about 90% done, then made a flattened copy to open as a new file to draw the players on top of.

I also have a bunch of WIP shots of it in my drafts I guess I'll throw in here now!

initial sketch to get down the composition before i remembered the window | lines of the building! i actually found a 3d virtual tour of CPA from before it was built which had the PERFECT angle, so i screencapped that and straight up traced the architecture. Ultimately, the scoreboard and the paint lines ended up getting moved around.

planning out my lighting in greyscale (i really need to do this more often, i struggle with values so much, alas) | in progress bg! at this point, the ice and the boards/glass were the only things completed. I eventually said 'fuck it' to being able to see the areas behind the stands like you could in all my references, and just put the people dots all the way up.

Now the most gut-wrenching part

THE TAGS

this is where me being bad at posting comes into play, because instead i just lurk and thats not great for forming connections HERE GOES

@ruinedcasket - it has been awesome seeing your art progress! would love 2 hear your thoughts about it

@rouzys - your kraken stuff is so pretty, love how you capture likenesses

oh god oh fuck everyone else i know has already been tagged fuck oh sshit

If You Are An Artist On Hockey Twit And See This, It Is A Sign

#believe it or not this is actually a sideblog #and i dont do any posting on my main blog either #just reblog memes from sun up to sun down baybeyyy #i am simply not as funny as i think i am and only realize it when i go to post and so i hit delete #but i love babbling i truly do #its why my tag section is always a CVS receipt in length #if you are an artist please i want to see you work #submerge me in art i love 2 see it bless my eyeballs #maybe this rambling im doing rn is because i need to actually eat so im gonna do that #godspeed #rambles #tag game

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fittlebottom · 2 months

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I know I just posted about pip but back when I was waiting for my contacts to come in I was like very blind for a day or two. And during that time I only drew once. No joke this drawing, if you can even call it one, has taken over my life. I've thought about it everyday for almost a month straight.

Washing the dishes? Where the geese at. Folding laundry? Where the geese at. Trying to read? Where the geese at. Trying to draw? At least one Where the geese at clone made. I have had to stop during multiple conversations with friends and family to hold back a giggle if I'm even remotely reminded of this fucking image. When I drew it originally I genuinely thought I was the funniest person on the face of the planet and everyone else, every comic every comedian, would need to pack up and go back to Alaska. The worst part about it to me is that no one else gets it. It's a fucking inside joke with MYSELF. You know how the trolls guy when he got arrested said under his breathe "this is gonna ruin the tour..." quite literally I have done that so many times but with "where the geese at". I was giving my grandmother a pity visit because she's senile now and acts like she's still in the '60s. We were looking at a physical map and she said something along the lines of "where is *insert place from my county*" . I, without thinking, whispered under my breathe "where the geese at." And her, being the Christian woman she is, thought I was chanting the devils incantations. And now for the next 2 Sundays I have to go to church with her. ALL BECAUSE OF WHERE THE GEESE AT. PIP BERNADOTTE YOUVE RUINED MY LIFE I AM DONE FOR. Genuinely I feel as if I can't draw anymore because all I want to do is where the geese at. I feel like I'm being brainwashed by this fucking drawing. I'm not a religious person but I think I've been possessed by an evil spirit that just wants to make me miserable. I took a break from drawing for a few weeks after finishing a piece that left me very burnt out. You wanna know what brought me back? What motivated me to open up my program? I was going through where the geese at withdrawals. I only came back because I was getting angry at the fact I hadn't drawn where the geese at in days. I am addicted to this drawing like it's black tar heroin. Where the geese at has rotted my brain to the point of no return. It's only been a month of its life and so far it has only made mine worse and worse. I eat, sleep, breathe where the geese at. I feel the need to use my own tears as paint and draw where the geese at all over my metal enclosure. I see him everywhere I go. Thinking about it and writing this all out has made my face flush red with rage maybe? Frustration? Geese withdrawals? Lord please save me from this curse I cannot live like this.

I feel really bad if anyone reads this at all. I have no hellsing friends so I haven't been able to mourn my loss of sanity with context to anyone. I am very truly deeply sorry for anyone who reads my rants of a madman my dehydrated dying words.

Where the geese at amiright folks? I'll be here all night.

#pip bernadotte #pip hellsing #hellsing #where the geese at #oh god please kill me #please #make it stop #the pain #this is torture #i am in agony #ramblings of a lunatic #schizoposting #anguish #distraught

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eighthdoctor · 6 months

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So, as a fan of Forsaken Sylvanas I've always wondered how you view her more immoral or hypocritical actions. I don't mean the later stuff from when she was Warchief or even necessarily Vanilla WOW.

For me, I always struggled to like Frozen Throne Sylvanas compared to her Reign of Chaos incarnation because Forsaken Sylvanas employed mind control, IE the same slavery forced on her, onto others.

Specifically she had a bunch of different people possessed and used as kamikaze soldiers on Varimathras and then kept the survivors to be used later, IE Mug'thol the Ogre who only broke free thanks to the Crown of Wills which he was later assassinated for.

The act itself just always struck me as incredibly hypocritical given everything. It wasn't killing and then being magically enslaved but it wasn't much better and sort of set the tone for me not being surprised by Sylvanas and the Forsaken being kind of bastards.

That isn't to say I necessarily thought it was a good decision.

Nor is it to say that it couldn't be made into something thematically resonant. The victim perpetuates a similar crime done unto them if perhaps less extreme out of desperate survivalism but has complicated feelings about it, or the like.

But given that didn't happen, well its a lot like how I don't take Bartman's "no guns" stance seriously when his best friend is a cop. The narrative and thematic dysfunction breaks my vibe. But I am curious about your take on all this.

SORRY FOR THE MULTIPLE WEEK DELAY ON THIS I HAD LIFE HAPPEN REPEATEDLY and also wanted to put some thought into this

okay so required reading which will underpin a lot of this:

what is a war crimes on azeroth

how does Sylvanas see her job as the Banshee Queen

what's up with the Maw [ETA: I don't remember why I put this one in...presumably past!me had a reason?]

as per the war crimes post, I am not using any real world examples for my own sanity, and trying to draw real world parallels will get you blocked, because I'm not interested in getting into that cesspit.

anyway so! the question!

context for everyone else: the events in question happened very shortly (months to a year or so, the timeline is SUPER fake) after Sylvanas fought free of Arthas's control, with.......some number of supporters.

the number of Forsaken/free undead here is important. if Sylvanas is commanding a significant army, then she has many viable routes toward keeping her people safe. if she's commanding fifteen soldiers and an undead goat, then almost any action becomes justifiable.

an unexplored angle in the war crimes post because god knows it was long enough already: the goal being fought over.

we find war crimes/atrocities more palatable when they are being used in defense against invasion than when they are used in perpetuation of it. we find them more acceptable if done by the smaller, weaker force fighting for survival.

this isn't a "get out of jail free" card to do whatever the fuck you want. but if there's a limitless army of demons invading my city, a few atrocities to keep them from ending life on the planet sounds like a fair trade.

and then, of course, a huge POINT in the war crimes post is "we don't do these things because we get really upset when they happen to US", so the moment the OTHER side does a war crime it's now fair game for everyone.

which is to say: as of frozen throne, Sylvanas is fighting entirely for survival. there is not an organized force on Azeroth (or even most of the unorganized ones) who wants her & the Forsaken 'alive'. they are everyone's favorite punching bag. everything she does is for sheer survival.

so how many Forsaken are there? good question.

when poking around the wiki it looks like there are two different ways to estimate the size of the Forsaken at this point in time:

from WC3 gameplay

from WoW gameplay & lore (ex, the History of Warcraft fragment Civil War in the Plaguelands)

unfortunately these uh. contradict. the fragment explicitly says she got half the Scourge (well done Sylvanas holy shit), and god knows there's enough Forsaken PCs running around to validate this.

but WC3 gameplay leans very much toward "scrappy band of rebels" imho. the wiki has "With only a handful of ghouls and a few banshee sisters" (here) which is hardly half the Scourge. it looks much more like it's her, the Dark Rangers, a smattering of weirdass things she took with her in the divorce liberated in her escape and...Varimathras. everyone's fave.

let's put those two together.

let's say that Sylvanas did liberate half the Scourge. in particular, given various propensities among Forsaken PCs, she got a disproportionate amount of the recently dead and relatively few of the older abominations.

and when her tens-or-hundreds-of-thousands of undead came to awareness again, realizing who they were, what they had been made to do, the world they were now resident in--

they collapsed.

what if in frozen throne Sylvanas has a city's worth of undead who are collectively unable to defend themselves, unable to do anything, and she's got maybe a thousand who are actually viable fighters, and everyone wants them wiped out.

(the single arguable exception to this, the quel'dorei, are in the middle of whatever the FUCK kael'thas is up to. idk. i've read the relevant pages 10 times and it still makes no sense. he got afflicted with Gotta Carry The Plot disease and everything went to shit from there. point is, they're busy.)

so with that context.

it is, of course, horrible to possess people and use them as sacrificial soldiers. this is a Bad Thing to do etc.

it's also very strategically sound. it allows Sylvanas to hurt the enemy without risking anything. there's no possible drawback here except some squishy ethics, and "doing horrible things in defense of civilians" is, at least, a huge step up from what Arthas made her do.

if Sylvanas had had other options, if there were more functional Forsaken at that point in time, then different story, but WC3 gameplay strongly strongly suggests that no, a very small percentage of those who were going to make classic era Forsaken were actually fighting in frozen throne. how else was she going to protect her people?

but in general, much, much more sympathetic to people doing war crimes if they are horrifically outnumbered and otherwise going to be wiped out. that tends to provoke anyone into atrocities.

I've talked before--I actually talk in the latest chapter--about how Sylvanas is always defending Silvermoon. this is another iteration of that.

it's also VERY early in her....'character arc' might be a bit strong. trajectory. Sylvanas-on-Gor can set the moral limit of "no rape no slavery", because nothing that happens on Gor is going to change the fates of the Forsaken (well...it is, but indirectly). even Sylvanas-as-Warchief can draw that line, because she is Warchief and the Forsaken are considered part of the Horde, not the Horde's cannon fodder.

but the actions in question were done when Sylvanas wasn't in the Horde. before she'd even named the Forsaken.

to sum up:

I don't think it's hugely hypocritical, or rather, it kind of is, but desperate times etc, she was pushed into a corner and tore her way back out again.

Blizzard's failure to follow up on their own themes remains, as always, a problem. but it's not my problem and I'm perfectly happy to grab some themes and run.

I do think torturing/mind controlling Derek was hypocritical, which is why I completely wrote that part out of the fic. boring, Blizzard. and what was the point? far more effective to leave him just as he is and watch Jaina try to find the trap.

#asks for ts #tumblingxelian #the power to manipulate belief #long post for ts #blorbos from my games

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lhenn · 10 months

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Karina

This is Karina’s story, a story of how she grew up in the cellars of a theatre, surrounded by music and dreaming of sharing it with the world, of how she made two friends (a sad ballerina and a rat), of how she has learnt from her teacher everything she’s ever known, asking half the questions she yearns to learn and receiving half the answers she expects, suspecting this mysterious and distant man, yet so familiar to her, keeps a lot of secrets within. But he’s always been honest with her, always taken care of her, given her everything she’s ever wished for, has he not? There were only a few rules she had to adhere to, so as to keep everything the way it had always been: she should take care of herself and not get hurt, never leave their place, never talk with people and never mention their names nor where they live. But the days are long and lonely for her, especially as she grows up, head full of dreams and nothing new left to try: little adventures to the theatre should be fine as long as no one finds out… right? Or so she thought during the eight years she spent sneaking into the theatre when Erik wasn’t watching her (or was he?). Until one day, Karina’s reality is shattered after her professor suddenly disappeared, forcing her to leave the lair and venture into the outside world, and it won’t take her long to discover that half the things Erik had taught her were a lie…

A bit of context

I’ll be posting bits of Karina’s backstory (my OC). She’s the D&D character I’m currently playing; developing her backstory and finding a fitting campaign has taken me almost two years! Sometimes it feels like an awful lot, thinking my first D&D OC Kaze’s backstory took me around 7 months to complete, but then I think about Lhena, my first ever OC, whose story is still under development after 8 years, and it feels so short (I like writing, so I craft PDFs -like, kinda long PDFs? More than 100 pages- to practice).

I’ve had three main inspirations (although they have kinda turned out to be 4 in the end, I won’t name the last one until it’s shown in the story): Phantom of the opera (mainly musical, both 2004 film and stage versions, there might be some nods to Leroux’s original novel though), Disney’s Tangled and the 1986 film Labyrinth.

The main reference is poto, it’s present everywhere, and yet it isn’t. I didn’t want to know what was going to happen next following Karina’s backstory, I never intended to do a retelling, so even though there are many similarities this is not Phantom of the opera, it will not be canon compliant nor follow the story.

Having said that, Karina is 18 yo as of now. She’s a genius when it comes to arts, her abilities will be shown along the story, I don't wish to spoil anything, although you can deduce that she, at least, possesses an unearthly, angelic voice. Almost all her knowledge she owes to her mysterious teacher… You might have already guessed, or maybe not, but Karina is the result of mixing Christine and Erik’s characters. In my opinion, this adds a fantastic turn of events and a very interesting divergence from poto (Erik’s character is still present -kind of).

Speaking about the campaign, we’re playing in a post-apocalyptic setting! A world where people live either behind walls or in small communities -tribes- fighting machines… (you can picture Horizon and The 100 to get an idea). But that’s a tale ought to tell in a different moment, taking place far away from where we are, a tale little Karina does not even dream about, shielded by music in the deep underground.

Most of my drawings are sketches, and I'm not fooling myself, I'm a disorganized student and I don't know when or if I'll finish them (although I want to and I plan to). The one above is Karina during last session. Her hair's a bit messed up because there was a combat (Such a thrilling third day outside!) and, as the party has claimed: «she technically is still alive» (and I don't know how to draw hair). I also don't know how to draw consistent faces, I'm trying :')

#oc #oc art #my ocs #K the phantom #my art #my writing #blog intro #my doodles #dnd art #dnd character #dnd oc #original character #erik makes an appearance #(mentioned)#phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #but with a spin #to be continued #lhen art

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shivunin · 1 year

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✨Self-Rec Tag Game ✨

Rules: Share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.). Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made. I’ve put categories below, but they’re more guidelines than rules. 1. Something you absolutely adore 2. Something that was challenging to create 3. Something that makes you laugh (or smile, if that fits more comfortably) 4. Something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.) 5. Something you want other people to see

@gaysebastianvael and @dungeons-and-dragon-age tagged me back to do this; thank you both! c:

Tidal Lock (T, 20k words, Cullavellan): This fic is the first finished thing I posted to AO3. It's a pretty different style from the other things I've written, but it's my comfort read for myself. I love stories that loop in on themselves, so have a big ol soft spot for it c: Writing Cullen as a kid was so fun and I fully intend to do it again sometime.

My Fenris scarf. My hands are a bit shaky, so I have a hard time drawing things. Unfortunately, I needed to draw the lyrium brand design straight onto the yarn (not a great surface for drawing things, btw) before I could embroider them into it with the glow-in-the-dark yarn. It turned out really well, but just putting the design down with chalk paint took at least three hours (only a little less than doing all of the embroidery)

3. Ohhh man, I'm having trouble deciding! Here are three options:

This ficlet about Elowen and Cullen after they almost kiss. They are both such an absolute mess, this conversation is even messier, and every time I think about it I get the giggles c:

This ficlet about Hawke producing most of a deck of cards from her and Fenris's person after a night at the Hanged Man (I just...think it's funny to imagine her sticking them into his belt during a card game and Fenris fully knows, but pretends he doesn't. for the bit)

This fic on AO3 (explicit) with Arianwen and Zevran; specifically the part after the smut things are done, when they're dusting each other off and lightly arguing about their little competition. They're just...such dorks sometimes.

4. Search Your Hands (E, 13,581 words), easy. I actually had this most of the way finished six months before I finished it, but I was convinced it was too silly to post (and thankfully @star--nymph convinced me that it was worth finishing <3).

One of my favorite things about writing Cullavellan is exploring the funky little miscommunications that happen with you're in a multicultural relationship and this fic was inspired by that. There's just a mismatch between Cullen (who, having very few personal possessions, is almost certainly inexperienced at receiving gifts) and a cultural tradition involving gift-giving as an expression of Serious Romantic Intent. I did not expect it to be as well-loved as it is, but it has (by a dramatic margin) the highest kudos to bookmarks ratio of all my stories (at ~1/3) and is like...the fifth most-kudo'd thing I have on AO3, which is wild for a one-shot with minimal smut.

5. Wander the Drifting Roads!! (M, 108,331 words)

It is the fic I am most proud of (though I think Palimpsest might be my number two at the moment) and it's also, indirectly, the reason I wound up actually deciding to participate in the Dragon Age fandom. I wouldn't have most of my fandom friends without Wander, so just that would be enough for me to want to share it.

Friendship aside, though, I think it's some of my best writing. Cullen is exposed to red lyrium and loses his memory in between the main game and Trespasser. His Lavellan (Emmaera) has to figure out how to carry on without him as Commander or her lover and they take a very long road back to each other again. If you're okay with some angst before a happy ending (or if you're really into yearning), I think it's a great exploration of what makes someone who they are: is it a formal title or role? is it memory? is it the circumstances they've overcome to get where they are? or is it something less easily-defined than that?

Writing Wander was very challenging (especially towards the end) but so rewarding and worth it. When I want to feel that very particular sort of hurt you get from a sad fic (the kind that twists in your heart), I open up Wander again and put myself through chapter 7.

(I want to stress that it does have a happy ending lol, and a whole anthology of sweet domestic things to follow it up, but I think most people hang onto the hurt part of the hurt/comfort in Wander lol)

I tried to tag most of my mutuals when I made the original post, but: @daggerbean I'd love to see what you've made! and anyone else who wants a reason to show off your fanstuff is welcome to join in c: Tag me so I can see!

#can you tell i am a numbers enthusiast? in the sense that i like tracking and analyzing them #not so much the like. clout or w/e is supposed to come with the Right Numbers #if i missed you in the first one i am so sorry!! i tried to get everyone and it was not on purpose #tag game #self-rec tag game #shivunin scrivening #read wander and tell me what you think!! i really really love it

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boqvistsbabe · 7 months

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Update!!!!!!!!

Hey Y’all!!

Here is the start of hopefully monthly updates. I know in my last update I said I was going to be more consistently here and active. Obviously, that didn’t happen lol. Trying to hold myself to that rn. So this is probably going to be the format for all of my update posts, just so they are easier to follow.

Refresh:

So I am almost completely done with the blog refresh. I think all that is left is updating links and getting some other posts (ex: theme days) made/redone. Most of that got put on the back burner due to how long they were going to take lol. But hopefully, over Spring Break, I’ll be able to get those done (no promises, another thing I’m trying to do, is be more realistic about what I want to get done by when so).

Writing/Other Content:

Ik I said I’d write more. Once again didn’t really happen. Well, I have written a decent bit, but never finished anything. There is one fic that I am going to try and work on after this week (midterms lol) and have someone look over it (the first time I’ve had a beta reader, look at me go lol). Like the blog as a whole, I am trying to organize my writing, like requests and my ideas and what is going out when etc. (@ any of the other writers if you have any suggestions of what to/where to organize my stuff so it doesn’t get all confusing and mixed up you should def let me know). Speaking of requests, I am going to try and do at least two requests a month. That doesn’t sound like a lot but for me, that feels like something I can realistically do. I will be doing old requests first because even though they are years old at this point, I liked the ideas so I genuinely want to write them. I am still going to be accepting new requests (esp because sometimes that helps spark creativity/help with writer’s block so feel free to send in any ideas!!) but I will try to get those older ones done first. As for any other content (playlists, moodboards, IG edits, drawings, etc.) I am also taking requests for those so feel free to send in any of those requests too.

Another Blog?!

As of rn the second hockey blog has not been “released”. I want to catch up on things for this blog before I throw that into the mix and try to grow that as well. I am hoping to add that sometime this summer. Also, I do technically have a sideblog already (@samistheman) which is normally where I reblog random things, and I don’t really have tags for that blog I just kinda willy-nilly reblog there (it used to be mostly PJO stuff but now that’s kind of here because of how much of it there is lol).

Life Update:

College is a lot rn. I’m doing 17 credit hours and tbh do not know what possessed me to do that. At first, I was doing pretty good, but now not so much. Like I said earlier I have midterms this week. If y’all didn’t know this, I’m shit at taking tests so not doing great rn. Thankfully one of my classes ends on Sunday so at least I don’t have to worry about that. I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life recently that is impacting a lot so trying to navigate that as well. I am moving out in May, which is yes months from now but there is still a lot that I need to do beforehand. Anyway, I’m going to a college hockey game on Thursday and I am super excited. I haven’t been able to go to a game since October. Also little fun update, I’m going on a weekend (work) trip to Boston. Super excited for that. I’ll be getting to go to a Celtics game and a Red Sox game (I’m a Royals girlie tho). I’ve never been to an NBA game so that’s for sure gonna be really cool. I’ve been to many MLB games before but this will be my first at a different stadium. Anyway, I think that is it for this update. Hope y’all are doing well!!

As usual, if y’all ever want to talk dms/inbox are open <3

I am going to tag some moots, I am totally forgetting some people so I am sorry for that (if y'all could reblog that would be amazing)

@2manytabsopen @krugstrash @jimmystrudel @andreburakozy @sidneycrosbyhoe @fallinallincurls @timstuetzle @typical-simplelove @ilyasorokinn @drei-mrssvechii

#blog things

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citrus-cactus · 9 months

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Howdy, all! I can't post my art summary quite yet because it contains part of someone's Secret Santa gift, so I thought I would fill out the fic summary template created by @reliablejoukido (see her original post here!). Even though I didn't publish (or finish!) much, I did start writing again this year, and that feels like a huge accomplishment, so it seemed like it would be fun to look back and talk a little bit about what I have in the works.

First, the finished fic!

My er... grand return to writing (I wouldn't call it that, but I did have a lot of fun writing and drawing for it, even if it took 6+ months from start to finish ^^;). I love these three characters as a trio so much. It was really hard to pull out a quote I liked and have it make sense in context, so I put the summary in there... but since I brought it up in another post, I thought I'd share what one of my editing drafts looks like:

(ok, so maybe not the tiniest font imaginable, but sometimes there are cross-outs to the cross-outs and sometimes I DO run out of room near troublesome paragraphs and in the margins!)

Now, onto WIPs!

Hmm, well! That sure is a title, isn't it? ;) I wanted to write Junzumi and came up with this idea late last year, and finally started trying to figure it out. It's meant to be fun and flirty and a bit awkward, but the ultimate goal is to be kind to JP, because he (and his body) are given so little love overall. And even though JP and Zoe are not actually hooking up in this fic, it is meant to show the relationship between the two of them in college, and how they could start going from friendship to dating. There IS nudity, but it's meant to be tasteful and respectful, I promise!

Oof. I haven't forgotten this fic, I swear (even though I published Chapter 4 three years ago!). I got really excited to work on it earlier this year (flush with success from actually publishing something, rotfl!) and then let it continue to languish (orz). Upon reflection, the reason it's been stalled is I was having a hard time figuring out the flow of action, but after re-outlining it in September I think I know now what Maki needs to be doing in order to experience the emotions I always meant her to be feeling in this chapter. And yes, she and Meiko meet (yay!).

Chapter 6 has been done for YEARS, and Chapter 7's probably pretty close to done as well, so it really is just this chapter being the hold-up.

AKA, Garg Fic #1. Been mulling over ideas for fic for this fandom all summer, and finally decided to write one based on some minor characters from the SLG comics (that I didn't even read, and can't read now because they're out of print). But I AM reading the new Dark Ages comics, and I'm proving to be a really good guesser about certain details, so actually, I feel INCREDIBLY validated about my original vision and characterization, ahaha.

As you may be able to tell from the quote selection, this is not a happy story. But I believe it's a story worth telling. It's about preserving customs in the face of tragedy, and mourning, and extinction, and love.

AKA, the thing that pulled me away from writing Garg Fic #1. I was possessed. I was writing something in my head about Macbeth's relationship with Demona this summer, and suddenly (VERY suddenly) it morphed into this. Dang, but they're fun to think about. This fic is weird, it will contain one MAJOR narrative trope/cliche, and it's definitely going to be NSFW if I end up getting that far. But I reeeeeeally like this paragraph I wrote for it XD

Thanks for the template Zuz, and thanks to everyone else for letting me ramble about writing! See you again for the art roundup!

#fanfiction #the cactus speaks #fanfiction summary #fanfiction summary 2023 #my fanfic

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averys-happy-space · 4 months

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my Concept of them has changed so much in the past ~4 months bro. rambling under the cut

height - ok this is a major one cuz if u search for my old height chart drawing u will see i put buster at like 6'1 i think and fang 5'8/9 or something like that. basically both were a lot taller than what i think now. thats just cuz back then i didnt hc them as trans so i gave them heights that i thought suited them based on the idea that they were cis males. but the more that ive spent time w these two and the more i think about them with the specific perception of them as trans men, the more i realised i liked it better if they were shorter to reflect avg afab heights. fang is actually my height (shoutout!) and buster is 5'8 just cuz it felt right. no real other explanation it's purely vibes based. though i will add that i dislike significant height differences so that does contribute to why i prefer having them with a difference of only 3"

age - i like middle aged men 😢 sorry

gender - do you want to hear my entire detailed transition timeline hcs for these two? no? well you clicked on read more so suck mt dick because im subjecting ypu to it anyway.

fang - starts T at 18. he does DIY HRT because 1. trans healthcarw is Balls and 2. why jump through 10 million hoops of bureaucratic nonsense when your gymbro will deal you steroids? periareolar masectomy + salpingectomy at 21. i think fang does not have strong bottom dysphoria and actually has very minimal dysphoria in general due to having grown up in a relatively accepting environment & family who has never cared if he presents masculine, hence despite having an afab body, his self concept of himself as being a man is very strong and secure. this is based on my own experience btw i could write an entire essay on why i believe dysphoria is not necessary to the trans experience due to being a result of perception and internal & external conceptualisation of oneself but that is irrelevant to this post. the point is fang lacks strong bottom dysphoria and coupled with the fact he 1. is poor and 2. does not particularly want to deal with the healing/recovery process of bottom surgery or the potential complications it can involve, this means that he does not seek out bottom surgery. eventually, the longer he is on T, the attractiveness of bottom surgery only diminishes further since i think he would havw crazy bottom growth esp after like a decade. so like there is not really any point. however i will say ive thought of it before and did decide that if fang ever did get bottom surgery, he would get ALT phallo. reason: he has thick thighs

buster - starts T at 19. he does it the legal way because he is a good boy and also is terrified of being charged with possession of illegal substances so you know. that charge is so fake btw i know and understand why T is a controlled substance but like imagine being charged with "illegal possession of testosterone". that shit is fake af. but anyway buster gets inverted T masectomy at 20 and RFF phallo + hysterectomy at 24. if you were ever curious why i draw buster with a section of his forearm shaded, this is the explanation, its the RFF scars.

sexuality - i think fang does not care about labelling himself so just uses queer. buster is gay. self explanatory

big/little spoon - i don't think either has a preference, they just do qhatever they feel like doing in the current moment, hence why thwyre both in the middle

lends/borrows clothes - heres a fun hc: the jacket that fang wears in his fanguard skin is stolen from buster and thats why its oversized.

pet names - in regular conversation i can see fang using pet names jokingly if hes teasing buster, but other than that not really. buster wouldnt use pet names in regular conversation at all either. the only reason they arent all the way left is because Bedroom Reasons. (im not explaining that hc bc i have irls who follow me)

intro/extroversion - self explanatory. fang finds comfort/energy/relaxation in interactimg with others, going out etc whereas buster finds those things in being alone. middle ground is that they both enjoy being in one another's presence without necessarily actively engaging in the same activity or talking (shoutout parallel play!)

affection - i think both of them would express affection verbally and nonverbally, its just rhat fang leans more towards words due to his nature of being extroverted- hes always seeking out ways to strike up a conversation with buster. in contrast buster leans more towards doing things for fang and touching him even if its just holding his hand.

confession - i have an entire fanfic half-written based on this because there are so many factors that go into this hc that i dont think i could adequately explain in this post. but in short, fear of abandonmenr + fear of rejection = refusal to act on feelings and denial of any chance of those feelings being reciprocated

bugs - to be completely honest i do not think either would scream or squash bugs. i think both would see a bug and, depending on the bug and where it is/what its doing, would either leave it alone or try to capture it to release it outside. basically neither of them have particularly strong reactions to bugs

car - i dont think ive ever said this on tumblr before but i hc buster has a pickup truck and fang has a motorcycle. therefore buster is further left because he would be better at driving a car since the pickup is more similar to a car than the motorcycle is. also because buster is a safer/less reckless driver

cook - fang is asian.

pda - i think they like holding hands and sneaking kisses here and there but they wpuldnt full on make out in public or something.

overprotective - fang is overprotective in the sense that he would beat the shit out of you if you talked shit about buster. buster is overprotective in the sense that he is constantly trying to convince fang to Not Do stupid things. (this does not stop fang from Doing those things anyway and suffering the consequences of it.) both of them would probably jump in front of oncoming traffic to save the other if they had to. but ultimately they do trust each other and even if they think the other is making a bad choice, if theyre insistent on it then they won't interfere and will simply offer support and comfort if things go haywire.

relationship experience - fang has more experience technically but most of his past relationships were fwb or just very surface level due to him being unwilling to show vulnerability even to those who were supposed to be closest to him. buster has some experience but none were particularly good

#happy pride bros #i wrote this while i was half asleep yesterday night ... im not editing the typos sorry #i think about them too much 😔🫶#brawl stars #ave rambles

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phosphor-object-show · 11 months

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Phosphor Prologue: Part 3

A strange broadcast serves as a useful distraction for Otamatone, Birdcage, Cat Post and Sunny. It also draws the attention of the group that Casey and Cloth learn with. Tiara gets to say the title line. Monica gets affected by the ad, while Leah and Hose discuss the show it talks of. Ephemeron is also there.

First/Previous/Next

Episode Masterpost

Transcript/Description below (also in alt text):

Birdcage: Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to. It’s nice to be talking again.

Otamatone hums a tune and nods.

Birdcage: Did we ever use morse code or something to communicate? I’ve forgotten.

Otamatone: .-- . / -.. .. -.. / -. --- - [translation: we did not]

Birdcage: Okay, bad example, I don’t actually know it. How have you been feeling, though, honestly? After… everything.

Otamatone: …

Otamatone notices someone, panics, and quickly rushes to hide behind Cat Post who is walking by.

Tutu: Hi! Did you three hear a strange “wah!” kind of sound? I’m looking for a friend.

Cat Post, Sunny, Birdcage: …

Birdcage: I didn’t, sorry.

Cat Post: Nope.

Sunny: Probably. Birds.

Tutu: There are literally no birds in this world. And they don’t sound like-

Birdcage: I can make bird calls! I was close with a bird in the otherworld. Which is possibly. Not unexpected.

Cat Post: I know a bird, Woodpecker toy. Pecks me for no reason.

Sunny: Hey, who is that?

Otamatone hums in response.

Tutu: Look, if you’re lying, there’s no need. I was just-

Lip Scrub: Hey, Tutu! There's a bunch of objects gathering over there!

Tutu: Forget it.

Message Board displays the text: Do you want to join a show?

Pink glitching and other objects surround it.

Cut to another crowd of objects with pink glitching and echos of the ad in the background.

Cloth: All I’m saying is, you know all of this stuff already! And I’m so bored!

Casey: Taylor left just fine by himself.

Cloth: Yeah, but-

Casey: Hey, what’s going on?

Fairy Bread: Something’s happening to Speaker!

Speaker: --be in like, an actual building for once? To compete for a prize? Which is the building, fun fact, but also the friends we make along the--

Cloth: You want to go, admit it!

Casey: Only if Speaker’s okay.

Cut to Tiara.

Old TV: --anyway, it’ll be fun, and if you’re not doing anything else with your life, what is there to lose? Just call the number--

Tiara: What is there to lose?

Cut to Perfume and Hourglass watching Tablet.

Tablet: --, and I’ll tell you where to go, or just show up outside by tomorrow morning! I’ll repeat that all again. Hey, do--

A different group of objects gathers, with the same glitching and ad.

Computer: --do you wanna join a--

Laptop Bag: What's happening? Stop just standing around!!

Leah: A show, huh?

Hose: Sounds fun! Are you going?

Ephemeron stands nearby as the rest banter or panic.

Modelling Tool: You can go, I'll pass.

Leah: Aw, and leave you alone?

Modelling Tool: I have friends, I'm fine!

Leah: Sure you do.

Modelling Tool: Hey!

Computer: --tomorrow morning! Okay, that’s enough, I’m- it’s a big house, you won’t miss it. See you there!

The two digital objects stop showing the ad, looking dazed.

Monica: guh...

Computer Bag: Are you okay?

Computer: I’m fine! That was weird though... like being possessed, LOL!

Monica: Yeah… a show? We should join it-

Computer Bag: Absolutely not! It possessed you! We’ve been here a month!

Leah: A month? Wow, you guys are new. So, what was that number again?

#phosphor object show #phosphor episode #phosphor prologue #possession #glitching #glitch effect #static #only remembered some of those when tagging this page #it's not like chromatic aberration or stuff like that so i don't think it's eyestrain?#but if it is let me know and i'll tag that #a bit late because i left the transcript until last minute despite it having by far the most text in the prologue ghfjd

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kettlovahr · 2 years

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Kett’s 2022 Art Retrospective

I have definitely drawn things this year. I wanna show it to you!! Let’s take a look back together!

This is a long post! Separated month by month. If you wanna join me, just keep reading!

January

This January I have decided Kett should wear something, at least one time, just so they could feel it and gauge if they liked it or not.

They did not quite like it.

February

During the middle of January, I caught covid and felt miserable. So I wasn’t really feeling it in regards to drawing. I still did some experimentation, however and doodled up a little comic sort of thing

Abstrakett was initially developed as a form of representing myself even if I fell into a particularly bad slump. I was in a particularly bad slump in February, and I believe this was a form of rejecting it.

It didn’t quite work, because I hadn’t drawn much else for this month. And I didn’t draw the next month, either.

April

For April I decided to become bunny

I also took TWO commissions during this month, and worked on some personal projects, such as an alphabet for a language in my setting

Looks like I was back in full swing. Let’s not lose the momentum.

June

Looks like I lost the momentum. I may have not drawn in May.

For June, however, I put this out:

This is a drawing I’m still happy with. A little bit of playing around with perspective! I like this drawing so much in fact that I have made it the background for my website after I finally committed to redesigning it!

July

July is an important month for amateurish internet artists like myself, it’s the month during which Art Fight takes place. And this year I beat my record for submissions during the event, at an astounding... five.

And I believe this is my absolute fave submission for this year’s Art Fight, featuring @wytchwoods‘ character, Maggie. It is certainly the most experimental, at least, and I’m happy with the result.

Of course, this was also the month I smooched @floralope.

I also took a commission this month. So THAT was definitely one of my most productive months this year.

August

My month. I didn’t really do much, but I started drawing Kett with shinier eyes. I simply started to like the look.

September

Wasn’t a very good month for full colored drawings, but I did sketch a bunch, with a particular focus on Teal.

I love my little four-eared creature. I want to make a game that stars them. Hopefully I’ll be able to.

For now, they’re just a cute design.

October

🎃🎃🎃 SPOOKY MONTH 🎃🎃🎃

I am usually not passionate about Halloween at all, but I felt like I had to try something new this year. So I designed Ghost Kett!

I am REALLY happy with how they turned out, so much so I did PLENTY of doodles of them over October.

They do not care much about your privacy, but they’ll ask before possessing you.

November

Was a HUGE month for me

It’s when the Total Fluff Eclipse struck.

I also.

Cried like a little bitch soft boy.

It’s good for you!

December

Oh hey, it’s December right now. The year is almost over. I don’t know if I’ll still draw anything this year, but I know what I have already done.

And honestly? Pretty satisfied with it. I haven’t done such painterly work in a few years but this blows any such work I have done out of the water. Probably the best thing I put out this year.

Hopefully much more to come in 2023.

And that’s a wrap!

I’d like to believe my output has taken a hit ever since I started working. Taking a good look at it, however, it’s easy to see that’s not the case. I have drawn a lot and put out work I am satisfied with. I have been a little harder on myself than I should.

My mood has definitely skyrocketed over the end of the year for whatever reason, and it shows through with my latest piece. I tried to go past the comfort zone I dug myself into and got something I’m proud of off of it.

If you’re still reading through, thanks a bunch for sticking around! I hope you’ll continue checking in on whatever I put out over the coming year, and I hope I’ll continue drawing and sharing it for the foreseeable future.

It was definitely fun taking a brief look over some of what I’ve done, maybe you should do the same? ;)

#talkett #kettarts #skettch #OC:Kett Lovahr #OC:Teal Haden #retrospective #artists on tumblr #raccat #atrean #beyond atrea #cat #floralope

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maplesyrizzup · 2 years

Note

can i bother u with all these question???? 🥺😂

Yes you may, but just know, you are never bothering me

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics? Honestly, atm multi-chaptered. But I still love oneshots.

Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go? no. i have certain scenes planned but I'm making it up as I go

Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic It's either I write it all in one go (if it's short) or take weeks, even months writing it. I tend to take longer, because I don't have it all in my mind, so I'll just be staring at the doc wondering what to do next.

Where do you find inspiration for new ideas? in everyday life or they randomly pop in my head

Do you like constructive criticism? yes. i love to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions, they help me decide on things. like if I ask for headcanons from a group of people it's to get a sense on what everyone thinks so I can later decide what I think is best for my own hc. i think it's extremely important to listen to others opinions when making a decision

Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process? most of the time, though recently it's mostly just been snippets that I am unsure of that I have someone look over

How do you choose which POV to write from? I view it as a movie in my head. I usually try to focus on multiple things at once. I want all the characters to be heard and/or moving around. but if it's important to write it from only one character's POV like I did in bits of Possession then I will do so.

Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story? Writing? Beginning or end. Reading? All, I think all parts are important.

Do you comment on stories you read? Most of the time yes. sometimes when I am in a hurry I am unable to comment, but I try to comment on most

Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up none of my wips have blinks in them.

Link your three favorite fics right now The Desert Chronicles by @ksbbb. i am always going to mention this one. my favorite fic(s) ever. What's Your Deepest Desire? by @reignwrites Memoriae Fractum by @demonzdust this is Sceo and it's the fic that made me ship them (hope it's okay that I tagged you two)

how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you? It doesn't really impact me much. It's nice to receive feedback/support but it's not the end of the world if I don't

what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow? Try to describe the scene's surroundings. I'm not very good at it, but I try to follow it

how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences? No, I don't feel what the characters feel, sometimes I cry while writing emotional scenes. sometimes yes I draw from personal experiences but not all the time

How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic? No. I don't write them and I don't think I will. I don't feel comfortable writing them but I will read them

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them? 5 and like three song fic ideas. Groundhogs Day like inspired fic but for Theo and Stiles. They are forced to work together to get out of the Groundhogs Day-like situation. Thiam. Stydia

What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block) I wait and give it time.

Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles? During. I either use quotes from the fic or try to go with the theme

What is the most-used tag on your ao3? Angst

Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc? Humor. even when a situation is dark, I try to make a comment that will get someone to chuckle at. It's yelling at me for passing the text character limit so I'll post this in parts.

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hotchnerbby · 2 years

Text

A New Generation

Tywin Lannister x Female Reader

Summary: The wedding of King Joffrey and Queen Margaery, a joyous event made even more joyous with the birth of a special babe.

Author’s Note: Purple wedding stuff but not much talk of it. Also, I am sort of back from the dead and am watching HOTD, JUSTICE FOR AEMMA!

Word Count: 911

My Masterlist

Today was the wedding of the King, your step-grandson to the ever-elusive Margaery Tyrell, or as your stepdaughter likes to call her, “the smirking whore from High Garden”. A peculiar marriage, you thought, as no woman in their right mind would ever marry someone like Joffrey. It was an open secret how much of a monster that child was.

Nonetheless, today was the celebration of their union, a very illustrious affair meant to show off the wealth and power that the Lannister’s possess now that they control the Iron Throne. Lannister colors covered every floor, table, and wall. Red and gold, very reminiscent of your wedding with your husband, the Hand of the King, the great Lion of Casterly Rock, Tywin Lannister.

Though an unexpected match as you were significantly younger than him, he treated you with the respect and honors deserving of Lady Lannister. It took a while for you and your Lord Husband to acclimate, but over time great affection and maybe even love blossomed between the two of you. After this, it didn’t take long for your mutual affection for one another to bear fruit, one that would come in nine months’ time.

When you told Tywin that you were with child, he was overjoyed, and he rarely feels joy these days. Thereafter he refused to let you do anything, anything that could harm you or the babe. He is a very doting husband.

Which agonizes you in this situation, you know your Lord Husband would be furious with you that you have hidden the fact that your water broke during the wedding ceremony of his grandson, but today was such an important event, the birth of a Lannister heir would most certainty shadow the wedding. So not wanting to take away from the event and suffering from the wrath of your stepdaughter, you keep quiet, at least as quiet as you can.

You manage to make it through most of the ceremony, but the moment you sat down to eat, that’s when the contractions hit you full force. Your back hurt, that dull ache in your abdomen now felt like you were being ripped apart. The babe was coming.

Tywin was busy watching the King, making sure that the boy did not fuck up a day as important as this. But while he does this, he fails to notice you call one of your handmaidens over.

“Take me back to my chambers, I need to fix my dress.” You spit out through gritted teeth.

“Of course, my lady.” The young girl replied as she helped you up from your seat. You and your handmaidens slip away quietly, not drawing attention to yourselves. As you make your way back you double over in pain, your handmaidens frightened knowing that if Lady Lannister was hurt, the Old Lion would surely have their heads.

“My Lady are you alright?” one of your handmaidens’ panics.

“The babe is coming soon. Fetch for a Maester, immediately!” You said in agony.

A handmaiden scurries along to go and find a Maester as the rest help you up and back into your chambers. They undress you, leaving you in your linen shift. The pain unbearable now, leaves you on your knees hunched over as you grip one of the ornate posts of your bed. Beads of sweat run down your face, you just want this to be over with.

“Where is my wife!” you hear your husband yell, but you could barely process what he was saying as the pain had become even more unbearable as the urge to push began.

“Get out of my way!” Tywin seethes.

“Darling, I’m here.” His voice is soft now. You can feel him rub circles on your lower back as he tucks the hair out of your sweaty face.

“My dear, I’m sorry, I did not want to disrupt the feast.” You groan.

Tywin chuckles. “Darling, nothing is more important than you and the birth of our child, even if today also happens to be the wedding of the King.”

“But—” you try to speak, but Twin stops you.

“Now hush, you need to save your strength. Where is the Maester!” your husband yells again.

“Oh, I don’t think he will get there on time, the baby is coming now!” You grunt as you grip tighter to the post of your bed. You begin doing what your body was naturally telling you to do, push. Your screams and labored breaths fill your bedchamber, tears are running down your flushed cheeks. You feel your husband tenderly rub circles on your back and pull your hair back from your sweaty face.

“You can do it my love, you are strong and so is the babe, you can do it, you are doing such a good job.” You faintly hear Tywin whisper to you. Tywin’s encouraging words manage to work and you give a few more strong pushes and then you hear a strong cry fill the room.

You look down to see that Tywin has caught the babe. Tears of joy stream down your face. “Is the babe well?” You manage to croak out.

Tywin looks at you, eyes misty. “We have a son, and he is strong and healthy. You have done a wonderful job darling.” He says proudly, kissing your forehead.

You smile at the sight of your loving Lord Husband cradling your pride and joy. You could get used to seeing this side of Tywin.

#tywin x reader #tywin lannister x reader #Tywin Lannister x Y/n #tywin x y/n #Tywin #Tywin Lannister #got #game of thrones #got fanfiction #got fanfic #game of thrones fanfic #game of thrones fanfiction #tywin fanfiction #tywin fanfic #tywin lannister fanfic #tywin lannister fanfiction #charles dance

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pet-genius · 3 years

Text

A complex and many-layered thing

But Harry’s anger at Snape continued to pound through his veins like venom. Let go of his anger? He could as easily detach his legs. . . .

This is the first Occlumency lesson. Harry is right, of course. Feelings don’t go away because you want them to. To let go of them when they’ve not been addressed or validated can be as hard as detaching a leg. And yet, it’s what Dumbledore asked Snape to do, and it’s what Snape had to do to survive the first war as Dumbledore’s spy. You have to ask yourself… how?

Trapped animals chew off their own legs to escape. It’s a sacrifice they make to survive.

If there’s one thing in a fic that turns me off it, it’s the idea that Occlumency shields are a thing, that Severus was so gifted at it because he’s got some power like Second Sight or being a metamorphagus. I always preferred to think of Occlumency and Legilimency as skills that can be learned, even if some have more aptitude for it than others.

Severus entered Hogwarts with the kind of life experience that primed him for developing these skills, and left it with even more. Occlumency is magical dissociation, a post-traumatic coping mechanism, and Severus has C/PTSD. More under the cut; tw: just general angst.

To survive, he would have had to develop a knack for telling how explosive and unpredictable people feel. Over his life, he faced at least two egregious examples of what Pete Walker, author of “Complex PTSD” calls “the Charming Bully”.

Especially devolved fight types can become sociopathic. Sociopathy can range along a continuum that stretches from corrupt politician to vicious criminal. A particularly nasty sociopath, who I call the charming bully, probably falls somewhere around the middle of this continuum. The charming bully behaves in a friendly manner some of the time. He can even occasionally listen and be helpful in small amounts, but he still uses his contempt to overpower and control others. This type typically relies on scapegoats for the dumping of his vitriol. These unfortunate scapegoats are typically weaker than him. […] He generally spares his favorites from this behavior, unless they get out of line. If the charming bully is charismatic enough, those close to him will often fail to register the unconscionable meanness of his scapegoating. The bully’s favorites often slip into denial, relieved that they are not the target. Especially charismatic bullies may even be admired and seen as great.

These would be James Potter and Tom Riddle, who are distantly related, I might add. Harry inherited the tendency to default to the fight response, but since he grew up the scapegoat and not the golden child, he never becomes quite as appalling, and after all, a fight response is normal when they are after you. Even so, Harry, who has both James and Voldemort inside him, triggers Severus to no end. It’s not a coincidence that the memories Harry sees when he is with him are largely horrible, and vice versa. There had to be happy or at least neutral or even boring moments, but these two detest each other, and they know they detest each other. Negative emotions and associated memories are so close to the surface they can’t be contained. This is the purpose of the Pensieve in this context - to contain the emotions. Since Severus knew what was in there when he pulled Harry out, my theory is that you don’t suddenly forget the memories you placed there, but rather you make them less fraught with emotions.

“Get up!” said Snape sharply. “Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort, you are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!”

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just seen Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was. “I — am — making — an — effort,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I told you to empty yourself of emotion!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m finding that hard at the moment,” Harry snarled.

“Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!” said Snape savagely. “Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!”

A lot to unpack here.

“Memories you fear,” “weapons”, “easy prey”.

Fearing your own memories, viewing your own lived experiences as weapons to be used against you, being easy prey… Severus could not be speaking louder of himself here. He is the one whose mind had been penetrated with absurd ease, he is the one who handed weapons to Voldemort, and he is the one who had to do the psychological equivalent of detaching his own leg – again and again – to survive.

I’ll argue that Severus developed a fawn response and a flight response, as fighting had never really worked out for him if it was possible at all. He had at least two more people I’d describe as bullies in his life, Tobias and Lucius.

Again from Pete Walker:

These [fawn] response patterns are so deeply set in the psyche, that as adults, many codependents automatically respond to threat like dogs, symbolically rolling over on their backs, wagging their tails, hoping for a little mercy and an occasional scrap. Webster’s second entry for fawn is: “to show friendliness by licking hands, wagging its tail, etc.: said of a dog.” I find it tragic that some codependents are as loyal as dogs to even the worst “masters”.

Remember what Sirius called him? Lucius’s lapdog. Bellatrix called him Dumbledore’s pet, Dumbledore said he dangles on Voldemort’s arm, the narrative compares Snape to a rabbit in SWM and Harry compares the Half Blood Prince to a beloved pet who had gone feral (yes, this does mean a lot to me on a personal level, yes my username is not a coincidence).

His unconscious fawn response might have been his undoing, drawn as he was to figures like Lucius and Voldemort. As an adult, I think he utilized the skills he had developed to survive in order to stitch these people up, and involuntary dissociation and fawning became Occlumency, which to me, is his signature magic. Harry needed only to banish Voldemort from his mind; Severus could not settle for this. He had to give Voldemort something, and knowing how to fawn meant knowing what to give him and how to draw himself in such a light that Voldemort would believe it. We see how he wanted to be seen by the Death Eaters: a self-serving coward who sought to hide behind Dumbledore’s apron, playing his pet. But that’s Pettigrew, not Snape. Imagine the self-immolation, the self-violation, it must have taken to convince everyone that you’re an ersatz Wormtail! Snape is a man and a prince, and the text recognizes this as Harry calls him, in the end, Dumbledore’s man, the bravest man, and as that chapter is called “The Prince’s Tale”. Voldemort thought Snape was nothing more than a “good and faithful servant,” and that his last words were “My Lord”.

But Severus had an unequaled gift for Occlumency, specifically against Voldemort, because Voldemort could not legilimens what he couldn’t feel; and he couldn’t feel love, grief, guilt, and remorse. This was Severus’s secret weapon, which would not have worked against Harry - who can feel these things, and who is also Lily’s son. I can prove it. The first time Harry gets the hang of Occlumency is after Dobby dies:

His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out . . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love. . . .

Harry learned to dissociate, though fortunately in a healthier way than many of us ever get to.

Of course, Snape was a good and faithful servant… to Dumbledore, which brings us to the flight response. The chapter wherein he escapes after killing Dumbledore is called “Flight of the Prince”. He should be fighting, he had just proven that he can cast a killing curse, and yet he flees. He can literally fly, in fact: He, Lily, and Voldemort are the only ones we see pulling this off.

As a child, we see this too: He copes with his home situation by reminding himself “it won’t be long and I’ll be gone.” He is thrilled when he imagines Hogwarts, his escape; he follows Lily out of the carriage instead of confronting James and Sirius head-on (which might have saved them all a lot of pain eventually). But this doesn’t work out, we see that in terrifying detail. The next attempt at an escape is joining the Death Eaters, but this too doesn’t work out.

He can’t flee anymore.

“Severus, you cannot pretend this isn’t happening!” Karkaroff’s voice sounded anxious and hushed, as though keen not to be overheard. “It’s been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can’t deny it —”

“Then flee,” said Snape’s voice curtly. “Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts.”

Shortly thereafter:

“Severus,” said Dumbledore, turning to Snape, “you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready . . . if you are prepared . . .”

“I am,” said Snape.

He looked slightly paler than usual, and his cold, black eyes glittered strangely.

He was ready, and he was prepared. He didn’t fly; he walked toward what might well have been his end with open eyes, armed only with the strength of his mind. Before Voldemort killed him, he looked pale, again, and terrified.

“I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore.”

And now Snape looked at Voldemort, and Snape’s face was like a death mask. It was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes.

I ask myself if this was the moment he realized he had been betrayed, that by giving Dumbledore a painless death he had secured his own. Maybe he wasn’t pale because he was scared; maybe he was pale because he was shocked. He was at his absolute limit, Occluding with all his might when he could have easily saved himself. The dam is about to break. All the memories he feared, all the weapons, the entire content of his heart is about to spill through - literally.

He fawned for Voldemort, the worst of all possible masters, but in the end, he was Voldemort’s undoing. All the ways in which he was weak and powerless against Tobias, James, Lucius, et al., proved to be part of goodness and source of his power. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that Snape is so loved. I’ve never actually seen such love for any other fictional character. He represents a kind of courage that many of us need to get by, lest we simply become evil or give the fuck up (“I wish I was dead”). A kind of courage rarely celebrated. The more time I’ve spent in the fandom in general and in the Snapedom in particular, the more I am convinced of this.

#pro severus snape #snapedom #snape meta #snape love #severus snape #psychology #complex ptsd #I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone #But like #come on #sometimes JKR writes brilliance she doesn't seem to comprehend #snape #occlumency #harry potter

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