#do i have a type? idk u tell me! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stuckinapril · 5 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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365neon · 1 year

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derelictdumbass · 3 months

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vibrating at supersonic speed and obliterating into tiny pieces

#i've been scrolling through rp blogs for no reason what so ever at all #nostalgia brain tells me rp was so much fun and it clings to the one long rp i did with a girl where my oc rescued her oc from some big bad #and the oc rp i was doing with remy was also rad..... basically coop writing a fic for that one lmao #for months i've been like. just make a random rp blog and see what happens but for who. what. where. when #i have a lola sideblog and i've been considering making that also a rp blog for her bc that could be fun but idk 😔#i just wanna be unwell about fictional characters and put them in situations collaboratively #why do i gotta put em in situations all by myself all the time huh !!! just cuz i made them and they live in my brain and my brain alone !!#anyway if u need me i'll be staring at the ceiling contemplating and passing out without making a decision #nadine is typing...

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iceeericeee · 7 months

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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

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p0th · 4 months

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cant decide which one i like more so both r gonna be posted!!!

#the reason shes not in her original outfit & is in some swimsuit type thing is cuz i had no clue how to draw her outfit ToT #ALSO IF THIS ISNT AGENT 3 PLEASE TELL ME I HAVE LITERALLY PLAYED 10 MINUTES OF THE STORY MODE IN MY ALMOST 250+ HOURS OF SPLATOON!!!!!!!!#i. do not know who she is i will be honest #i love splatoon dont get me wrong but i have no god damn clue whats going on #i played story mode when i first got it and then. never again #do not try to make me read in video games!!! i will give up!!!!#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon fanart #splatoon agent 3 #splatoon captain 3 #wait if this is fuckin uhh captain 3 who tf is agent 3 #should i be . tagging agent 3?? is this who this is??#too many bitches in this game WHO ARE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i have had the whole agent thing explained to me (shoutout to my irl friend that knows everything splatoon) but i NEVER UNDERSTAND IT!!!!!!#see it makes sense cuz the 3rd game has the 3rd agent BUT THEN WHO TF IS 8 & 4?!??! 4 is the octoling but then 8 is uhh someone.. i think..#is 8 even real?? idk. sorry chat idk whats going on in this game

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astrxealis · 1 month

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sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO #it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think #bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular #endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me #and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL #it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep.#to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late #bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play #(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.)#actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone.#to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have #sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things #but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black #ffxiv... the game that u are.....#it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine #but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah.#it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow #like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities #and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and #idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs #both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me #and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah #anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab #yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow #kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too #so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda #lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine.#and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just #feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives #function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty #god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student #so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self #destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure #rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done #but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry #and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen #ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i #didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there #i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a #wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo.#idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues?#i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell #unrelated

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iron-sides · 3 months

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its always amusing to me in fic when like, tim or dick (or to a lesser extent damian idk whats going on in his team-ups) go missing and only bats are looking for him. like girl if tim misses the weekly young justice get together batman is going to have 5 to 8 teens/children/adults (depending on if ray and traya come to these events and if reddy goes since trayas there. i think ray and traya are there i could take or leave red tornado not the point) knocking down his door demanding to know what hes done to their robin. and when they find out he's missing? they got together an ARMY to invade zandia when anita's dad was missing. an army. batmans going to have a meta on every street corner in three hours whether he wants them there or not like??? girl tim "unlike batman i have friends" drake is not only missed by the bats

idk the titans well enough to say anything specific about if dick went missing however i just dont buy that they wouldnt notice and i double dont buy that they wouldnt muscle their way into the search. like be serious.... donna troy? roy harper? wally west? garth whatever his last name is? kory anders? vic cyborg? gerfield logan? i dont know any other titans but do you think any of these people would mind their business. i dont know them so idk but like i kind of doubt it

#my thots #nothing takes me out of a fic like a search party for tim that doesnt even include the birds of prey #like ur telling me helena just doesnt care? r u dumb?#bc theres no world in which babs didnt tell her i just dont buy that like... :// idk man godbless #it takes all types to make a world #ficposting #to be clear i can absolutely enjoy fics that forget tim and dick have friends i spend way too much time reading fic my standards are on the #floor ill read just about anything whether i agree with characterization or not (within reason)#actually this post was inspired by a fic that im rereading rn i do enjoy it idk if op has ever. read comics im really not sure (if they hav #i think it was only batfam comics & no team-ups tho) but its still fun man i do enjoy this fic

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wright-phoenix · 8 months

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HELP LMFAO? when deciding to free orpheus it's so funny to me how the emperor's conclusion is "oh? you're working against me? guess i'll have to join the netherbrain" GIRL WHAT!!! LMAO. weren't you the one saying we work to defeat the netherbrain? what is your real goal!!!!!!!!!

#bg3 spoilers #IT'S SO RIDICULOUS LMFAOOO #tell me youve been manipulating me the whole time to get to ur own goal without telling me i'll go first:#joining the netherbrain after claiming that defeating it was your true goal #i'm a little sad that the emperor turns out to just have manipulated the player character the whole time...#i was genuinely hoping for it to be a case of 'ur prejudices misled u' type of thing where there IS a mindflayer that is genuinely #just. a nice guy. ending up being ur friend #i mean i suppose he can be if you do everything he says but idk how the end of the game goes #anyway. i will finally finish the game tonight???#maybe. it's almost 3am and i still need to free orpheus rn #cas.bg3

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nomaishuttle · 10 months

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sometimes u put yr playlist on shuffle a song comes up and you have to put another song in the queue immediately as soon as it comes on bc it makes you think of that song

#this is abt aura by ghost and pals Sry everytime i hear it im like a fiddle This is just like devil went down to georgia and then i have to #put devil went down to georgia in the queue #i think its a fiddle innit.. it sounds like a fiddle but im also NOTORIOUSLY bad at telling instruments apart. <- guy who once couldnt tell #if something was a guitar or a piano i actually rly rly rly rly dont wanna get into it okay.#i guess you didnt know it but i am a fiddle player too 😏😏#sry. the other thing this post is abt is kiss me and ladies in their sensibilities sweeney. obviously those r connected #but if ladies in their sensibilities comes on by itself i quite literally couldnt be assed so everytime i have to put kiss me on instead an #add lits to the queue. bc them together is like the best song i ever heard its just that the beginning of lits is just kind of boring It #does get stuck i my head sometimes but the supreme part is the end thats Basically just a reprise of kiss me #but also theyre kind of the same song anyways at least o wowww i was just typing in tempo with the fiddle that was awesome. at least on the #2012 soundtrack aka the best one talk to the hand or dont i dont wanna hear it. well i do want to hear it it being the 2012 london cast #recording of sweeney todd starring michael ball and imelda staunton. ANYWAYS!! in that one the songs lead in to eachother #ive listened to all the other soundtracks but idr if they do that.. well ill tell u the movie doesnt bc it doesnt have kiss me. which is #just so. the johanna anthony romance doesnt rly have much substance in the first place and yr taking away like. their duet together. ok....#AND yr taking away the end part of lits? the best part of that song? whatever its fine its fine.#if anybody is curious my ranking of casts is 2012 > obc > movie > 2006 i fucking hate 2006 or 2005 or whatever i hate it sm it makes my #blood literally boil im sry. i fucking LOATHE it idk what it is well i do but this post is already 5000000 years long. idt the new one is #out fully yet... i was ok with the songs i have heard but idk where id rank it yet. i should prolly check if the full things out yet omg so #me and my lampstie (way of saying my siblings name if theres something deeply wrong with you) can listen :]

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recapitulation · 1 year

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yowch 🧍‍♂️

#ok medical tmi in the tags ->#ok i think ive pinpointed what frustrates me abt telling people i dont feel well #like it almost feels like a lie or just something i shouldnt talk abt bc like. ive been in a place docs would call 'bad' for like. 5-6 yrs #but within that time what i have felt has been SO varied. like. week to week day to day i the types of symptoms are so different #like this week ive been in a lot more pain but its been like isolated 5-10mins of very distressing pain. w almost nothing at other times #accopanied w like a really concerning amt of bathroom trips including like 3x a night which sucks for my sleep #and also my commute to work 🧍‍♂️#but like i remember in college there were periods where my number 1 distressing symptom was cramping throughout the day #or there have been periods where nausea and lack of appetite is the thing that worries me the most #idk now that ive typed that out it sounds so similar like its all gi symptoms. but it FEELS so different. its like a different illness #but to most other ppl its like. ive been sick with this one thing forever #idk idk i know most illnesses are kind of fluid like this and im not alone #but when ppl ask me how im doing and im like. well bad. its like i dont know how to express that its such a different bad than last tues #and like the degree of bad def changes but theyre all still bad. how do u communicate that esp to healthy ppl #oughghgghh im just. feeling so bad in such a diff way. its been a week but my pain has been real high #and like Dude. i am losing fluids 🧍‍♂️

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rusquared · 1 year

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being human is so exhausting (<- the incomprehensible existence of love is getting to her)

#what do you mean each of us was built from deoxyribonucleic acid and is able to #kiss a lover and make a friend laugh #and conceptualise the words 'kiss' and 'lover' and 'friend' and 'laugh'#yeah idk what to tell u astonomers the universe just revolves around humans #im typing this shit on a glass screen that lets me tell another human 14 hours away by plane (WE HAVE FUCKING PLANES??)#that i love them

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pepprs · 1 year

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ok mutuals be honest. should i “break up” w my counselor over these texts yes or no

#purrs #i don’t have the spoons to type much let alone reply to anybody ESPECIALLY not him bc this fucking pissed me off so bad i have been too #angry to reply. like what the fuck is this. im going through a hard time right now so why are you judging me for wanting us to talk about #that instead of me doing your stupid little homework assignment. i just feel so judged by him all the time and i can’t work up the courage #to tell him or end things. but i am actually dreading talking abt this new development / topic w him anyways bc the last time we talked abt #it he judged and pushed me so hard and i got SOOOOO angry but also maybe he was right and just saying thigns i didn’t want to hear and then #his supervisor got sick and he said he had this plan for us to do the erikson thing and we’ve barely started it and i feel so bad bc i #genuinely think it could work but i just don’t mesh well with him. but it’s like i should give it a try and stick it out bc there’s only a f #few months left and what if things get better. and also ihavent given him any indication of how unhappy ive been w him as my counselor and i #don’t want to spring it on him out of nowhere. but no we’ve been working together since October and i don’t feel seen or supported by him at #all an di know i have to leave bc i deserve better but things are so bad rn and my brain has been broken all weekend and i just don’t have t #the strength and idk what to reply or if i should but i think everyone is probably gonna say i need to leave him and i think you’d be right.#delete later #i truly do not have the mental capacity to rn but if u go thru my other purrs posts i talk abt some of the shit he’s done that has just been #building and building and i know i need to do smth about it bc it’s not okay. but im so scared.

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noburden · 1 year

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when the very small amount of people in my life who know i’m a lesbian still talk about me dating guys 😃 like

#no cause i’m gonna tell u guys abt this convo i had w my sister the other day #we were talking abt her dating older guys cause she has a type lmao #and i was like what would you do if i was dating someone more than like 4 years older then me #and she was like ‘i would punch him in the face’#dramatic asf #and i was like ummmmm him ? 🧏‍♀️🧏‍♀️#and idk maybe she just got confused cause we WERE talking abt older guys but like i mentioned a hypothetical situation where i was dating #someone and she immediately assumes it’s a guy …..#i know it sounds stupid but like i’m out to less than 3 people i know irl and she just blatantly disregards my gayness ???#GODDDDDDD #like i have to talk about men all the time with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND HER !!!!!#and one of the very few times i talk abt myself and bring up my own dating life ….. and she says hypothetically id be dating a man #it makes me wanna scream just thinking about it again #it immediately ruined my mood #it sucks having no lesbian friends in real life 🤭 like actually devastating sick to my stomach can’t recover type shit #but yk what #one day i’ll make it to one of the like 5 lesbian bars that there are in the US and i’ll meet some friends #ITS GONNA HAPPEN #i’m manifesting it #maybe once i get to college i’ll meet less straight ppl and more LESBIANS #I WANT LESBIANS !!!!#and also i was talking to this other person who’s pan #and they asked me what my sexuality was and i was like im a lesbian #and they go “i like everybody. which unfortunately includes men😪’#bitch …… 😕 you’re kidding me rn #ur joking #pls never say that to me or any lesbian ever #bc i promise u i’ve DREAMT abt the idea of being attracted to men and how much easier that would be #obviously it makes me nauseous thinking abt it but at the same time if i had a CHOICE #since when is there a 30 tag limit i’m trying to rant

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

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dashiellqvverty · 1 year

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i keep thinking about how like if i were 10ish years younger and figuring out my gender shit in this current climate i genuinely might not have allowed myself to come to the same conclusions i did as a teenager. like so much of my transness is about choosing to be this way because it feels right and makes me happy, and i had a community both online and to some degree in person that affirmed that, and its not that that community isnt still around but i just dont know if it wouldve felt worth it. like i want to be an obviously and visibly queer gnc transfag i LOVE that about myself but its a journey i started when i was 15 and if i had to start that journey NOW i think it would be a lot fucking scarier. and of course thats the whole point, to scare people away from every coming out or even fully considering the possibility of being trans

#like i didnt Figure Out I Was A Man at 15 i have been on a journey of figuring out gender shit for years #but its always been based around imagining the version of myself that feels Good and Right #like i dont think i ever would have considered transness for myself had i not been introduced to it in the way i was #(safe and affirming and cool thing on tumblr)#like thats not the way my dysphoria is idk. i just like being a guy and i DO feel a deep wrongness that i didnt grow up as a boy #but idk i couldve never clocked that if i'd never thought 'do i want to be a boy'#and fuck man to ask myself that question for the first time NOW???#to consider the options of telling or hiding from my conservative parents NOW??#i told them a couple years ago now but i never kept it a Full Secret lmao like they Knew it was coming #and obv i knew i would be safe etc but like if it wasnt for me being out already (as multiple things)#what would they be on board with now??#they've never been qanon marjorie taylor green type conservatives they are more libertarian types #they suck very much to be clear its just like #i dont KNOW and i things are unfathomably scarier than they were 7 years ago #every time i hear something new i feel so sick and then i just sit here bc i dont know what to do #and the idea of not even getting the chance to know im trans bc the climate is so hostile and terrifying is HEARTBREAKING #oh 2015 oh advocating visibility and representation well this is what fucking happens when ppl know trans ppl exist huh #(obviously these things are still good but u know what i mean. like ppl were talking about hypervisibility AT THAT TIME)#r.xt

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