#do not perceive me i'm sorry

[vulprose]

i drew sucrose for the first time in a while today and i realized after finishing that i forgot her entire tail... i also gave her ear piercings and i forgot those too, plus she has burn scars i forgot, i basically just drew canon sucrose instead of my sucrose and now i'm like *sits sadly* because redrawing stuff is hard

[starcurtain]

Female Guidance in Aventurine's Life

One thing I haven't seen discussed in much depth yet, but which I think is especially interesting, is the consistency of female guidance in Aventurine's life: Every single person who we have seen on screen offering Aventurine assistance or making a positive difference in his life is female (with one exception, yes, I'll get there).

Under the read more cause it's longggg:

Before even diving into his family, let's just get the obvious out of the way: Aventurine is, at least supposedly, blessed by a goddess. The very origin of his good fortune--be it actual blessing or curse--comes from the literal "mother goddess" who watches over him. This is one of the only instances in Star Rail where a god character is specifically given a gender, and Gaiathra is not ever ambiguous. She is the classic female fertility goddess with all the trappings of other famous triple goddess figures of the real world. Aventurine's personal belief in the goddess may be shaky, but he nevertheless continues to treasure his people's faith. Thus, at the core, we can say Aventurine is a character who is guarded by the most quintessential mother figure possible.

Now, with the most obvious out of the way:

We know that Aventurine's father died before Aventurine was even born, and therefore he would not have any memories of his father, leaving him to be raised by his mother and sister.

Both women clearly made an enormous and lasting impression on Aventurine; they haunt every single one of his memories of Sigonia and are the key elements of the family Aventurine longs to return to. While he flirts with the concept of death as a way to see his family members again, it was also his mother and sister who instilled in him any sense of self-worth and meaning to his existence, the only things keeping him from giving up on living. His mother believed him to be blessed; his sister insisted to his face that not even the only remaining remnant of their mother had any value in comparison to his life.

It is for his sister that Aventurine first begins expressing a self-sacrificial nature, and from his sister that this self-sacrifice is reinforced when she uses herself as a shield to help him escape massacre at the hands of the Katicans.

It is also from his sister that Aventurine learns many of the deeply meaningful actions he holds onto to the present day, despite having been so far removed from his own culture.

Conversely, every one of Aventurine's early negative experiences on screen appear to have been driven (at least primarily) by men.

Although the Katican tribe of course would have both men and women, the tribal societies on Sigonia appear to be on the fairly traditional side, with Aventurine's mother staying at the camp with her child while his father was the one to go out and hunt for offerings for Gaiathra. This is also supported by Aventurine asking Jade to take him to her "chief" later on. Therefore, it is likely (although of course not guaranteed) that a majority of the Katicans' army was male, and that Aventurine's early experiences with outsiders consisted almost entirely of indiscriminate pillaging and massacre at the hands of what the Avgin viewed as savage, invading warriors. In separate instances, Aventurine was traumatized by these warrior figures three times--first with the loss of his father, then his mother, and then finally his sister.

And even their hope, supposed to come in the form of the "men in black" from the IPC, completely abandoned them, leaving Aventurine once again betrayed by masculine figures that were supposed to be there to protect him. Led by Oswaldo Schneider, another cruel male authority figure, the Marketing Department of the IPC permitted the wholesale slaughter of Aventurine's people--something which we know Aventurine is now aware of.

Then, of course, the next piece of Aventurine's backstory we're given is his male slave master. I don't really need to say anything about this, do I? This man violated Aventurine's human dignity and bodily autonomy, and forced Aventurine's hand in a life or death battle for which Aventurine still punishes himself mentally, even years in the future.

In part to escape the difficulty of his situation and rise to a position where he would have enough resources to--he thought--help his people, Aventurine joins up with the IPC. But when he attempts to make contact with a powerful man in the organization, Diamond, he is instead met by a woman, Jade, who against Aventurine's own expectations determines that she will raise Aventurine up (or use him as a tool, depending on how you currently choose to interpret Jade's motivations), granting him wealth and status beyond his imagination.

(And this line in particular is interesting, because you can take it one of two ways: 1) Aventurine comes from a patriarchal planet that traditionally put men into positions of power [thereby making his own slavery an emasculating act, aligning him further with disenfranchised women]; thus, he is making the assumption that to get anywhere in this organization, he will need to work with a man; or 2) He actually was counting on Jade taking his bet and helping him right from the beginning, because Aventurine perceives women as inherently more likely to protect and aid him than men would be.)

In the end, Jade does exactly as she claims she will, launching Aventurine into a position of power while also closing golden handcuffs around his wrists. She positions herself not only as his supervisor, but as his advocate and ally. She entrusts him with her Cornerstone, a sign of significant faith in his abilities. She even seems to be keenly aware of his bias towards the mother figure, referring to him as "child" in their conversations.

Whether this is genuine or a manipulation tactic can certainly be debated (and I'm not inclined to think at this point that Jade is a genuinely good role model or selflessly supportive person in Aventurine's life), but whatever the case, women are the only people Aventurine even remotely considers to be "in his corner."

We see this even earlier, in Aventurine's call to Topaz. Like with the example of his mother and sister, Aventurine trusts in Topaz's ability implicitly, and considers her above anyone else when it comes to completing the mission in Penacony.

Although of course we don't know if Aventurine has any other friends or allies among the Strategic Investment Department, it seems very likely that Topaz, yet another woman, is the one he is closest with. At the very least, she is the only IPC character (so far) that Aventurine has a complimentary voice line for, one that shows his respect for her talent:

Over and over again, the story aligns Aventurine with female figures in positions of authority, and demonstrates that he is comfortable (although maybe not too comfortable, in the case of Jade) with relying on them and trusting their judgment, just as he did with his mother and sister.

And this pretty much goes off the charts in Penacony, where Aventurine has more involvement with the female cast than virtually any other non-female character (even the Trailblazer!). We set the pattern off right away, with Aventurine immediately being placed into a negotiation situation with Himeko, respecting her role as the Express's leader and working to get himself aligned with the Express by acquiescing to her request for support.

Then there's the fact that Aventurine is the one who finds Robin's body, an event which, although he didn't let it show too much, was almost certainly traumatic for him, given the violent death of his own sister.

Next, twice in Penacony's story, we see Aventurine seek out Sparkle for information. He may not personally like her and her comments may be both racist and dehumanizing, but Aventurine does rely on her--being the only character explicitly seeking her aid, which no one else in Penacony seems to want.

In 2.0...

And in 2.1.

Now, say it with me, guys: Aventurine built an entire portion of his grand plan around the idea that if he looked pathetic enough, a female character would absolutely come and help him. And sure enough, the women come through for him, always! Sparkle gives him the exact last clue he needs to confirm his belief that he could use "Death" to reach the true Penacony, sealing the deal for the rest of his plan.

His plan which also hinged significantly on Black Swan's involvement too, another woman that he views as, if not trustworthy, then at least intelligent and hyper-competent.

Contrast all this, of course, with the treatment Aventurine receives at the hands of Sunday, the lone opposing male character he faces in Penacony.

Sparkle implies that Sunday would humiliate Aventurine in an unmistakably sexual and degrading way, and Sunday himself professes this same desire to see Aventurine humiliated.

Then we're "treated" to the moment in which Sunday uses the Harmony's (or perhaps actually the Order's?) power against Aventurine, in a scene which is supposed to reflect an interrogation but is also, very clearly, another nonconsensual violation of Aventurine's bodily autonomy and dignity by a man. While ostensibly seeking confirmation of the Cornerstone ruse, Sunday instead subjects Aventurine to unnecessary questions about his past on Sigonia, which recall and force Aventurine to re-endure memories of his trauma.

Even if this is what Aventurine prepared himself for and planned to have happen, the pain he experiences is very real, and he suffers both the physical and emotional consequences of Sunday's assault all the way up to his "Death" and possibly even beyond.

(Also, Sunday fans please don't get too up in arms with me for this; I also like Sunday! It's okay for characters to be morally grey!)

I think there's one other interesting example I would bring up here too, and that's Aventurine's conscious decision to weaponize his own masculinity against the Trailblazer. Through the 2.0 and 2.1 Trailblaze missions, Aventurine deliberately acts in an off-putting manner to the Astral Express crew, particularly the Trailblazer, in order to build up to the 2.1 climax where the Trailblazer is supposed to view him as an unrepentant villain and attack him without hesitation.

In order to achieve this uncomfortable, villainous effect, what does Aventurine do? Exactly what other men have done to him.

This is especially apparent if you're playing Stelle because of the ingrained societal taboo of a man entering a woman's personal space without consent, but even as Caelus, it is very clear that Aventurine is leveraging behaviors typically used to show dominance: In a complete 180 to all Aventurine's other body language in the game (normally quite withdrawn, frequently in defensive postures with his arms crossed or hand behind his back, almost always standing several feet away from other people), Aventurine violates the Trailblazer's personal bubble, looming over them (Caelus was sitting in this cutscene, lol), forcing eye contact, and commanding the space while informing them that they will have no choice.

For someone who was hunted, enslaved, had his movements restricted with chains, and due to his own slight stature has very likely been towered over by others who were intentionally asserting their power over him all his life, it is clear that Aventurine associates dominant, typically more masculine-coded physically-imposing behaviors with discomfort and even villainy.

Any girl who has ever had a man loom over her like this will realize very quickly: Aventurine wanted to make himself scary so he made himself act more like a bad man.

(Yes of course I know "not all men." I'm not saying every man behaves in this domineering way or that women cannot be domineering too, obviously, just that Aventurine had a very specific image in mind when constructing a "villainous persona," and the physically controlling tactics most typically used by aggressive men toward women was his immediate go-to.)

But where does that leave Dr. Ratio, the one male character actually on Aventurine's side?

Frankly, I don't want to derail my post about how intensely Hoyo chose to hammer on the message of "Women will protect you" in Aventurine's story with a discussion about a mlm ship, but the take-away here is going to lead in that direction anyway--so yes, Dr. Ratio is the exception.

What is interesting is that he does not come across as an exception at first, and in fact initially appears as another male character being rude and dismissive to Aventurine. Like, there are still people out there calling Ratio an unrepentant racist for this one.

Of course, it's later clarified that this is an act--likely even these insults were scripted specifically to give Sunday's spying ears the "insight" he needed to exploit Aventurine during the interrogation.

But even though it is an act, Aventurine still has noticeable trouble putting his faith in Ratio. He does genuinely doubt him a few times, despite knowing that they are working together to fool the Family.

Even his voice line about Ratio confirms that he doesn't think Ratio particularly cares for him; rather, he thinks Ratio simply tolerates him because he's slightly less unintelligent than those around them.

Ultimately, the entire act with Ratio ends up being a mirror of the real scenarios Aventurine has been experiencing with men his whole life (at least as far as we are shown his life). Men abandon him to fend for himself (unwillingly, like his father, or willingly, like Diamond leaving Aventurine to deal with Penacony alone on the inside). Ratio keeps leaving Aventurine completely alone. Men attempt to humiliate him and violate his boundaries (like Sunday and his slave master). Ratio insults Aventurine's appearance and intelligence repeatedly. Men betray him (like Oswaldo Schneider and his men leaving the Avgin to die). Ratio "betrays" him.

I'm not saying when Aventurine devised the plan for their act, he consciously drew up a list of all the ways men had hurt him in the past and had Ratio re-enact them one by one, but like... that's what happened, whether or not Aventurine intended it.

And okay, the shrinking scene in Dewlight Pavilion was just for fun and probably only slightly fetishy, the devs promise; yes, it was supposed to be a joke! ...But it's also not a mistake that this is yet another instance of a male character in a glaringly metaphorical position of power over Aventurine. Aventurine's tiny in this scene! He's completely vulnerable! He's in a dangerous position and the male character could very much hurt him in this moment.

But Ratio doesn't. (In fact, his line here is supposed to be sarcastic, very ha ha--but also, what is Ratio really saying? "I won't do anything to you without your express consent." What a good guy.)

Virtually everything negative that we see in 2.1 is Ratio doing these things as an act at Aventurine's own request. He doesn't actually disdain Aventurine; his own voiceline about Aventurine reinforces that he sees Aventurine as talented and intelligent.

Whatever you think he was apologizing for in their early scene, he's the only person we're ever shown in-game apologizing to Aventurine at all.

He worked hard to "betray" Aventurine but only as he was instructed to do, and immediately checks in on Aventurine's well-being afterward, even urging him to give up the plan if it becomes too much to handle.

And then, of course, there's the note: "Do stay alive. I wish you the best of luck."

After this point, it cannot be denied that Ratio is unequivocally on Aventurine's side, wants to help him, and is not doing so out of any sense of self-gain but largely because he is a good person who simply cares about Aventurine's fate. By the end of 2.1, it can no longer be doubted that Ratio is the exception to the "gender rule" of Aventurine's life, which--the story shows us again and again--was that guidance, protection, and care for Aventurine come from women, while men repeatedly represent dismissal, betrayal, or pain.

Ratio is, at least as far as Aventurine's story shows us, the proof that men can be good, that things are not as black and white in Aventurine's life as they might appear, and that--if you do choose to ship him with or see Aventurine as attracted to men--his attraction could be validated (and potentially reciprocated) by a male figure who would not bring additional harm to Aventurine's life. Aventurine makes the final decision to live after seeing Ratio's note--the exception to the rule ultimately proves to be the last piece needed to keep him alive.

But I promised I wasn't going to derail my own post about w o m e n, so let me get to the final point, and the one I really wanted to talk about: Although Ratio gets virtually all the credit for "saving" Aventurine in the fandom, Aventurine was actually saved by, you guessed it, another woman.

Not going to lie, the reason I started this post was specifically because I wanted to talk about how Acheron and Aventurine's dynamic was completely unexpected but actually fits flawlessly with the theme of feminine guidance in Aventurine's story.

Despite the fact that Aventurine made Acheron's life much harder and actively used her as a chip in his grand gamble, she doesn't blame or chastise him for those actions. Although she expresses some incredulity that Aventurine is actually that lucky, she then turns around and congratulations him for his ingenuity, immediately supporting him despite the fact that they don't even truly know each other.

Then it gets even more interesting. Acheron, who frequently hits her companions with deep and sometimes very emotionally fraught questions, asks Aventurine: "Have you never wavered?"

We as players know for a fact that Aventurine is constantly wavering, constantly doubting himself, his luck, and whether he'll even live--or even wants to live--to see tomorrow. But we also know that Aventurine is not forthcoming about those truths, refusing to express them to anyone, even himself. The only way we hear those dark truths is through his "future" self (who by the way, is once again another male figure cutting Aventurine down--of course it's himself but it's also, from the player's perspective, once again reinforcing the message that he isn't going to find safety or kindness in an adult male presence). Aventurine almost constantly deflects and diverts when his emotions or struggles are brought to the fore (unless he's divulging them for the specific purpose of allowing someone else to weaponize them). "I'm fine," he says, like a lying liar who lies.

But he doesn't lie to Acheron.

He chooses to be completely candid with her, to lance open the deepest wound of his life--that he can win and win and win and still have lost everything. The glitz and the glamour has all been stripped away here, at the end of everything, and Aventurine finally feels safe enough to admit that he fears he has absolutely nothing in his life worth living for.

And then, we get this direct parallel: Aventurine looks to Acheron, the woman now before him, for guidance, for explanation, exactly as he looked to his sister in the past.

He needs help, he needs answers, and he is continually seeking that help from the female figures in his life, whose support and kindness echo the lost care of his mother and sister.

"Go where you should be," Acheron tells Aventurine, guiding him across the river of death just as his sister insisted that he flee through the rain toward life.

Look guys, Acheron's even the one who reminds Aventurine to look at Ratio's note in the first place because apparently being an emanator of Nihility gives you x-ray vision, but my girl just gets no credit at all for being Aventurine's real savior, come on now!! Yes, Ratio's note was the final reminder Aventurine needed that someone would be waiting for him on the other side, but Aventurine would never have even gotten to the point of being willing to read that note if Acheron hadn't stepped in and provided him an answer to his question.

She feeds him back his own answer: "Why does life slumber? To rehearse the death for which we are not currently prepared." It is Acheron who reminds Aventurine that giving into the Nihility is pointless, and that rather than simply embracing a meaningless death, it is up to humanity itself to find and make meaning by living. It's this, not Ratio's note, that Aventurine gives as his reason for choosing to go on when asked by his own younger self. It's Acheron's words that finally give Aventurine an answer--why do we live just to die? Because there are people we can still make proud. Because when we go into death, we should do so with our heads held high, having achieved our own sense of purpose in this life.

Ratio gave Aventurine a promise: Someone is waiting for you to come back.

But Acheron gave Aventurine a reason: If life is inherently meaningless, doesn't that just mean you are free to give it meaning yourself?

She saved him, as women have been saving him all his life.

Anyway, this has already been horrendously long, but really what I wanted to say is that I think it is absolutely fascinating how consistent Aventurine's writing is when it comes to portraying where his support comes from and who he seeks guidance from. (Psst, just in case you still haven't figured it out, it's women!) In virtually every instance we are shown, we see the message reinforced that women are Aventurine's greatest allies and role models, while male figures are continually positioned to intentionally or unintentionally let him down and cause him distress.

"But women playing the supporting role to a male character is nothing new, Star, why are you so excited by this?"

Because the role women are playing in Aventurine's life is not the subservient supporter and emotional crutch role that female characters all too often play to male counterparts. None of the women in Penacony or Aventurine's past were there to do the emotional labor for him, to be a trophy or prize, or to cater to his needs. They don't exist solely to help him fulfill his character motivations; they aren't following him around waiting for his next request as their only role in the plot.

Instead, with Aventurine's story, we almost have an inversion of gender roles, where the male character eschews the stereotypical "men are leaders, fighters, and stoic heroes" archetype. Instead, no matter how hard he tries to hide it and keep a stiff upper lip, it is clear from 2.0-2.1's story that Aventurine is a deeply insecure, lonely, and explicitly traumatized survivor of genocide, slavery, and exploitation. Unlike most male characters, who are very rarely portrayed as genuine victims--because come on, shouldn't men be strong enough to fight back? Shouldn't men be able to shrug it off when they are hurt, emotionally or physically? (Of course I'm rolling my eyes here!)--Aventurine is belittled, humiliated, emasculated, and victimized on-screen, roles almost exclusively reserved for women, for whom surviving victimization in fiction is seen as noble.

Meanwhile, the women in Aventurine's life take on the roles traditionally given to male characters. They're both emotionally and physically his protectors. Aventurine's sister gave her life to guard his safety; Acheron ensured he could safely pass beyond the river of Nihility into the Primordial Dreamscape. They give him the tools necessary to succeed where he could not succeed on his own. His plan could never have gotten off the ground without Topaz and Jade entrusting their Cornerstones to him. The knowledge and capabilities of the women around him--not their "feminine charms"--are what allow them to help keep Aventurine on the right path even though he does waver. Even women who disrespect him, like Sparkle, still play a positive role in his life, able to provide him insight gained with their own intellect and talents.

When he has no one to rely on and doesn't know what to do, Aventurine is able to continually turn to the women around him, asking for and receiving not servitude or fawning, but their genuine wisdom and guidance.

tl;dr: If nobody else has him, Aventurine knows this random woman he met two minutes ago on the street will have him, because the women in his life literally never let him down.

(It's just so, so good, and ultimately, it should be very clear why Aventurine's story is as popular with women as it is! A+, Hoyo!)

[featheredmoonwings]

Here's a thought.

Sam has been irrevocably changed since his coming back from hell (and jumping in of course). So often I find myself looking at later season's Sam, a Sam who's not a firey rebel against what the world wants of him, a Sam who would fight for himself. This is a quietly submissive Sam who can't stand to disappoint Rock No.1. Someone who takes on pain again and again and again because he's so used to it.

Sam from the first seasons it's not the same Sam as the later. This is a broken, traumatized man who excels at being high functioning and I am SO sure of it.

He LOOKS resigned and tired a lot of the time. And it reminds me of hell!Sam begging himself not to remember. hell!Sam knew what he was talking about and what we're seeing in later seasons is his reflection.

And let me throw in a Silmarillion reference because why the heck not. Like the souls of elves go to Mando's halls, Sam's soul needed to go to heaven and heal from all the years of hell he suffered (earthly ones and hell ones). He was not ready to be reembodied in earth and now he's come wrong.

Like 5 different entities warned us about Sam's shredded to ribbons soul. To me, that doesn't sound like a soul that should've been put back in a body.

[homielander]

the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.

here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.

i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)

it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.

assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.

maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.

[ratcandy]

image that only pertains to me part 2 unofficial sequel to this post

[bumblingbabooshka]

One of the best Voyager scenes to indicate Tuvok & Neelix's dynamic and how I think Tuvok is just as if not more 'annoying'(positive) than Neelix is when Neelix pours Tuvok a fresh squeezed glass of a fruit juice blend and Tuvok's like (paraphrased) "I don't want to drink this." and Neelix is like "Can you please try it?" and Tuvok's like "I don't want to, you're really bad at this sort of thing. It's going to taste bad." and Neelix says that Ensign XYZ said she LOVED it, she even had a second glass! And Tuvok says Ensign XYZ could drink poison without a second thought and Neelix is like "Tuvok could you please just TRY it? Just try a little SIP of it PLEASE??" and Tuvok sighs and rolls his eyes and sniffs it before taking a sip and it turns out he loves it. Turns out it tasted good actually. And then after all that Neelix tries to talk to him over eggs (which he's again cooking fresh for him) and Tuvok tells him he doesn't wanna hear "the life history of his breakfast." Absolutely insufferable this man I would have burned his eggs on PURPOSE!!!!

[clickityweasel]

sunrise, parabellum!

[doofnoof]

Pardon the clunky format but;

This is what I imagine newly-daycare-attendant'd Moon is like when he's attempting to flirt. Like, he's entirely befuddled as to why Y/N isn't swooning into his arms after he's mutilated 5 teddy bears, tied one kid to the jungle-gym, spilled a whole gallon of glitter glue on the floor and sent the children running through it so it looks like they're covered in red glittery blood, and cackled menacingly whenever he's swooped at Y/N from the ceiling, what could he possibly be getting wrong? Maybe next time he should tie them to the jungle-gym instead??? He is scratching his head and crossing out scheme after scheme on his vision-board (hastily scribbled on cork board that looks more like deranged rambling than a put-together plot, and it certainly doesn't help that Sun keeps going over it in Red Crayon to "Correct" Moon's plots, which just makes Moon want to be Even More Despicable and Villainous), and he's beginning to run out of dastardly plans to use to court his Beloved Daycare Assistant.

And Sun is seeing all of this and metaphorically pulling his hair out because No Moonie, That's Not How You Woo Someone, Gosh Forbid You Act Normal And Just Be Nice To The Daycare Assistant. While he firmly believes he's gonna be the one to Woo the Daycare Assistant, Sun is absolutely no better, every time he thinks something Romantic is about to happen he fumbles and falls face first into the ball pit, or trip over his own feet and faceplants into the floor, or he'll get caught looking at how cute Y/N is and break whatever he was holding on accident, one time it was an orange one of the kids needed help peeling and he squeezed it so hard that it exploded all over his face in a delicious, pulpy mess. He was so embarrassed he couldn't even make eye contact while Y/N cleaned his face off with a wet wipe and grabbed an orange from their own lunch-box to replace poor little Jeremy's exploded cutie, not that Y/N would've noticed (they did), because of the whole Completely Blank-White-Eyes-Thing. Nailed It.

The funniest part? Y/N is probably Just As Smitten as Sun and Moon are and Just As Bad At Letting Them Know that the whole Faux-Villain and Clumsy-Hero thing is Working, which doesn't do them any favors, because inevitably it's Y/N cleaning up Moon's Glitter-Glue-Devastations and Sun's Oopsie-Daisy-Cutie-Catastrophies.

[no0t2]

@checkadii

I literally just woke up so this is the worst time to post this but ngl I have this problem where I wanna talk about it but I blank so fucking hard and fall flat on my face that I end up not talking about it anyway out of sheer embarrassment.

I'm not good at structuring my thoughts properly either because of ADHD, but here goes I guess.

I usually gotta segway into the topic if it's relevant to the conversation usually via,, friend convo, I don't know how people do deepdives of characters and whatnot I can't do that. I'm not sure why that is, this always has been a thing for me where I've got some level of understanding and my own HCs and such but they're not written or anything, so I can't express them.

To me Postal is just a silly series (minus P1 and Redux), not to be taken too seriously. So I don't really think about the "lore" that it has so much. I can ramble about Postal: Brain Damaged tho, that's probably my favourite cos of gameplay... And the designs as well as the soundtrack. It's just such a good game, I never thought shooters would ever be a genre I'd like to play, as I was so against playing them (thanks Half-Life for opening up my eyes). I can say definitely with confidence that retro styled FPS are especially something I find fun? Not on intense difficulty or anything either, I usually can't go above normal.

I've listened to "Straight Outta Suburbia" for like over an hour straight, I'm pretty sure even during while I was drawing one of my BD sketches lol

Back to Postal in general, I frankly haven't done enough "research" on it where I can properly speak about it aside from the games I've played (P1, P2, Paradise Lost and P:BD) And they're all games that are super different from each other (aside from P2 and PL, but even then). I'd also say I'm still pretty new to the series, speaking as I haven't played all of the games yet. Frankly, I was planning to just stick to P2 and that's it, glad I didn't.

Postal 1 I remember making me feel all sorts of weird things when I both played it and after I finished it. The load up intro scared the shit out of me the first time I opened the game, to where I had to pause for a minute. And it kept spooking me each time I did open it. I think that was kinda the point of the game as it's pretty dark compared to it's counterparts. I won't get into the lore of the 1st Dude cos I've seen people pluck at each other's feathers over the interpretation of him. But essentially, guy looses his shit during an episode, starts killing everyone. (Or just, "hostiles", depends how you play the game.)

P2 is so wildly different (aside from the fact that you can shoot people) that when I first opened it I was so confused how I was met with THAT Dude. I was surprised to hear him talk more beyond than just "BLEED" or "Only my weapon understands me". At the time I was also wrangling personal fears and feelings(which I don't know if I wanna get into, let alone if people would even wanna hear it lol) over playing the Postal series, so my initial expectation towards the game was:

"Okay, I know this is going to have some offensive shit in it, there's parts that won't be fun probably." And hoped for the worst, surprisingly a lot of the stuff in it I didn't find that bad, most of it is definitely fucked up, but nothing I couldn't handle, surprisingly. I played neutral-y, so I only attacked whoever attacked me, but I'd bail if I had the chance.

Paradise Lost plays similarly to Postal 2 (as it's literally the same branch of game just in the form of DLC). But I've found myself enjoying it way more than Postal 2, mostly cuz I found some of the jokes in it actually funny.

P3 I haven't played because I got rick rolled by RWS on the website so I'm not gonna play it out of spite </33 (But I've seen gameplay)

Postal: Brain Damaged is like, even more different than the previous entries as it's a retro styled shooter. But it has the charm of a Postal game and MAN is it good, I think the fact that it was released more recently is what made me enjoy its humor more. And it just!! Is so fun in general like wow, I'm still processing playing the game and I've already been thinking of replaying it because of how much I've enjoyed it. Definitely recommend trying it out.

AND WOWWW this has gotten long oops. Sorry.

I wanna note tho that, although there are aspects of Postal I enjoy, there's a lot of them that I don't, namely the offensive bits, some of them are genuinely fucked up where I can't go past them even in a comedic sense. Which I think is OK. I still enjoy other parts of it :^]

[akirakirxaa]

FFXIVWrite Prompt 10: Free Day (Shed Part 2)

Rating: E (That's for Explicit, not everyone)

Word Count: 840

Warnings: Explicit sexual content

Summary: Shedding complete, Akira's feeling better and her lovers are determined to help her relax. [Note, this chapter is not complete but I figured I'd submit this portion for the free day. :3 Consider it a sneak peek. Continued from Day 8: Shed. Hyth and Hades Stay AU.]

Master Post

Akira sank down into the hot water of the bath with a sigh until it covered all but the top half of her face, hair still piled on top of her head. She’d had several soaks now, and it had removed most of her dry scales between the treatment that her loves had applied and the hot water working the scales loose. Now her scales fairly gleamed, dark glossy obsidian against the chalky alabaster of her unscaled skin. She ran her thumb across the back of her other hand; the scales were soft and malleable, something that scared her to go to battle with but…that she couldn’t help but feel proud of. For once they weren’t covered in scrapes and scabs from her desperate attempts to get it over with faster.

She sank a little lower, the water lapping over her nose. It rankled a bit that Hades knew better than she how to take care of her own body, but… It wasn’t like it was a fair comparison. While he’d had thousands of years to learn everything about anything, she had a grand total of less than ten years of memories to work with, and less than half of that with any knowledge that she even was auri. Her tail swished behind her, and she flinched as the water sloshed onto the floor.

“Don’t worry, we can just get Hades to clean it up,” Hyth smirked from the doorway, and she gave a small smile in response. “Might I join you?” Akira nodded and backed from the side of the bath to make room. She averted her gaze to try to give him some privacy, but not only did he seem to not particularly want it, she couldn’t quite keep her gaze away. Between furtive glances she couldn't help but appreciate his lean physique, softer than either her or Hades, save for his archer's arms that were all corded muscle. She knew he knew she was looking but, for a blessing, he said nothing, settling into the water next to her, pulling his hair free of its usual braid.

"Your hair's really pretty when you let it down," Akira tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. He smiled.

"You think so? Maybe I should wear it down all the time."

"It looks nice up too," she quickly added, then yelped as he hauled her into his lap, facing him.

"Then perhaps you just think I'm pretty," he teased lightly, and she felt like her face was on fire from the closeness.

"M-maybe I do," she tried to match his tone, but her voice wavered as his hands hooked behind her legs to pull her closer, and she could feel exactly the effect their earlier activities had had on him resting against her thigh. A light scrape of teeth against her horn had her stifling a whimper into his chest, and he chuckled.

"You know, this is allowed, I don't think anyone's going to tell the savior of the star she can't indulge a little," he encouraged, and Akira hesitated just a moment before tilting her head back, carefully minding the sharp points of her horns as her mouth found his throat and mouthed at it with teeth and tongue. The groan he let out at that had her positively aching. He gripped her hips hard and ground against her, a whimper escaping her as he dragged across her clit.

“Did I tell you that you could touch?” A sharp voice interrupted, and Akira, startled, collapsed forward into Hyth’s chest, her hands slipping from his shoulders.

“You also didn’t say that I couldn’t,” she could hear the smirk in Hyth’s voice. Slow footsteps approached the bath before Hades took Hyth by the chin and pulled his face towards him. Akira glanced up to see Hyth giving a supposedly innocent grin. Hades had shed his coat earlier and, now, the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and the very top buttons undone. She swallowed.

“Come now, Hades, doesn’t she deserve a reward for behaving during her treatment?” he purred, and Hades scowled.

“Looks more like to me that you’re rewarding yourself,” he fired back, before giving a snap. Hyth’s arms were pulled behind him and bound in red leylines. Far from looking put out, Hyth seemed pleased with the outcome. “Well, Hero, enjoy yourself.” Hades’ voice deepened to a low purr, trailing one hand up her spine, and she shivered.

“I…I…” she stammered nervously, her mind going blank at the suggestion, as she felt an overwhelming feeling of stage fright. Despite their having stayed with her for some time now, she still wasn’t entirely used to being watched.

“Come now,” his voice rumbled against her horn as he leaned over the two. “Don’t you think you deserve a little reward?” He pressed gently on the small of her back, not hard enough to force her, just enough encouragement. She shivered, bucking forward and drawing a moan out of both herself and Hyth.

And she indulged.

[captain-flint]

ngl i feel like every fandom is a toxic hellscape at this point. you just handpick a couple of people to follow and then stay away from the rest of it jfgsjfhsjd

that's true, yeah, however i've been on this site for 13 years now and i can only think of two, maybe three fandoms i've been in that got to this level of unhinged and toxic. usually i'm able to completely filter it out and keep to my own nicely curated bubble, but with 911 (especially lately) i haven't been able to escape it no matter how many tags i blacklisted or people i blocked. it's seeping through every crack on all social media. being a part of a fandom you want to enjoy the content that gets put out. not just the show/movie itself, but everything that comes along with it (promotional content, bts footage, press content, fan edits,...) and it's become impossible to experience that joy without being immediately and completely overwhelmed by a subset of fans who are so incredibly determined in their spite and hostility that is based on nothing but the fact that they're not getting their way. they're actively bullying both fans and actors/actresses and it's gone way beyond it just being about ships and characters, this is hatred based on principle now, deranged behavior that's actually concerning.. and i've only seen glimpses of it because i don't seek it out willingly and don't care to engage and play defense. it's just... fucking sad and embarrassing at this point. it's a tv show and real people are getting hurt because some people just love to harass others and pretend it's because of a ship

[lululeighsworld]

do you know how much whiplash i experience every time im reminded [redacted]'s colour scheme is the same gunterleigh's

[medicinemane]

.

[twstwonderlandstuff]

would you ever read ur fave chara's smut in front of a plushie of your fav chara?

DISCUSS

[steakout-05]

headcanons i have about Craig the scientist :)

as are most of the characters i have headcanons for, Craig is on the autism spectrum. he has a flat effect to his voice and facial expressions, doesn't really get most social cues, doesn't know how to react to others in pain the "right" way, misunderstands metaphors and speaks in quite a direct manner because it makes the most sense to his brain. he's quite a literal thinker. he also tends to hyperfixate so hard on a task that he forgets his basic needs and hygene, and thus has quite an unkempt look underneath that hazmat suit of his (which i will get into later!). Barry often ends up needing to get Craig something to eat because of how long he hyperfixates on something.

Craig sometimes doesn't exactly pay attention to his tone of voice, so sometimes he can say something that, to him, sounds completely normal, but because of his tone, can end up sounding really ominous to other people by accident ("We know who you are, Barry.")

Craig has traumatic cataract in his left eye (or wherever the fuck craig's visor crack is supposed to be in canon lol) from the explosion in 'Level 2' and is half blind in that eye. his eye has a very clouded look as a result of the injury. he's also got a huge scar there too that required some pretty gnarly stitches later, and his skin is almost completely numb around that area.

Craig also never really had the best eyesight before the injury, so he's always wearing these big ol' nerdy glasses underneath his helmet. and yes, they are tacked together with a band-aid lol

Craig is one of the few scientists who is not a clone of Peter Simpkins, the late friend of both Professor Brains and (in my headcanon'd canon) Craig. i like to think that Craig and Simpkins knew each other when they were first recruited by Legitimate Research and was pretty close to both him and Brains, and since Simpkins died, Brains has kind of taken more of a liking towards Craig (mostly out of loneliness and needing someone to help around at the lab, but he has a genuine fondness for him under his demanding and angry exterior).

There's a bit of a fan theory that Craig is the same guy as the scientist in the 'Robot Bird' rock opera, which i like to believe is the case. i mean, he's got the same monotone voice as Craig, it's gotta be him. i hope this does end up becoming canon because i think it'd make for an interesting conflict between Barry and Craig!!

Craig may or may not be related to Lab Lady.

Craig's counterpart in the mirror universe is named Kayla.

Craig is demiromantic and is questioning his sexuality (he thinks he might be bi or pan), though he definitely knows he loves Barry <3

Craig has an unhealthy habit of wiping his embarrassing memories, like, a lot. he wipes memories of awkward accidents in the lab, particularly painful failures, and most importantly, the memories of losing literally all his stuff and his career to Barry, which is why he doesn't immediately recognise him in the shorts. Craig has a lot of trouble recounting stories from the past because of this memory-wiping and felt a sense of emptiness, which getting hit in the head certainly didn't help with, so he tried inventing that apple in the Multiverse Madness event to get some of them back. it was pure dumb luck that Barry didn't end up witnessing what happened to Craig in the 'Robot Bird' opera and both are completely unaware of the disastrous can of worms that could have opened. bro's gonna end up like wallflower blush if he doesn't keep that memory erasing under control

and finally...

under his helmet, Craig has messy dirty-blonde hair, a rounded face that has a few stray facial hairs he forgot to shave, a long scar down the left side of his face, hazel coloured eyes and pale skin. this design is inspired by the designs made by @dexterno-artz and @schnabel53 respectively :D

this is a sketch of my finalised(ish) craig design!!! i've shown earlier versions of this guy in a couple of older posts but i haven't really revised his design much until now. i kinda had the idea of him looking like a stereotypical nerd and then made him messier. i might tone the amount of hair he has down a tiny bit but also i really like the nerdy bird's nest thing he has goin on :) i like to think he literally hasn't brushed his hair in several weeks and it's just become a bird's nest from nights of staying up doing science stuff

how i feel about barry tbh. he's literally so dumb i love him

(also apologies for the photos being kinda blurry and me forgetting to turn off the filter. again. in my defence it looks really nice and orange on my phone)

sometimes i like drawing him saying stuff from the shorts to get a feel of how he'd look when talking and make sure he looks juuuust nerdy enough for me to go "yep that's craig". also his big,g, handns,s,

drew this as a quick side profile sketch to get a general idea of how i want to draw him from this angle. he's talking to barry offscreen and falling in love with him <3

stupid little comic with a stupid little interaction that would definitely happen between these stupid little guys <3 barry being a little asshole every now and then is very entertaining to me. i need to see him antagonising craig and starting an old couple bickering argument with craig, that would heal me i think

i think i'll post more of this design in the future, i really quite like it a lot :)

[birdmenmanga]

every time I check the tags for the heart of tomas I'm like. ah. this place is filled with people who have no idea what this series is about