#domestic violence for ts

[mermaidsirennikita]

Are you gonna watch It Ends With Us? Never been a fan of the books and there's something about the movie that gives me the ick

I may *watch* it (I have friends who love the book and I'd be surprised if at some point in my lifetime I see it) but like... I don't have a desire to give it my own money.

I really don't care for the book. Not even because of the subject matter, but because I don't care for Colleen's writing style (and I gave her a college try—I've tried other books of her, and when I read Ugly Love in my early twenties I actually liked it, though I think I'd feel differently in this day and age) and the treatment of the subject matter.

Like, I think Colleen has a right to write what she wants to write. She's been very open about growing up in a home filled with DV; I did not, and I haven't experienced it, and I can't speak to that personal experience (though I also think, obviously, Colleen can't speak for all survivors and I would like to imagine she knows that). Someone pointed out to me that her perspective on Ryle and his relationship with his daughter could be influenced by the fact that Colleen is writing through the lens of a child whose parent abused her other parent, and that is... an interesting take that could certainly have some merit re: a literary analysis of the book, though we can't like, speak for Colleen. Just interpret her work.

So yeah... I don't think the book necessarily romanticizes abuse, so much as it gives a survivor's perspective on being in love with their hot and cold abuser, which is very real, right? The writing is just so poor (and a lot of people critiquing this book haven't read it, mind, and I don't at all agree that every story about DV needs to portray this stereotypically monstrous abuser and a survivor who doesn't love them, because we KNOW THIS IS NOT TRUE for many survivors—there would e a lot less DV if every abuser was transparently awful and we could all just see them for who they are as soon as they abuse people) that people miss this. And I do think some of it is also pearl clutching over "what if the children read this", "we should always have clear moral boundaries" etc. I'm giving the book that credit, even if I think it is a bad book...

And even if I think the sequel and this idea of like, upholding the co-parenting situation and facilitating a bond between the child and the abuser is... not portrayed the way it should be. Like yeah, Ryle is abusive and stays abusive despite "working on himself", which is the reality the vast majority of the time... As Justin Baldoni stated in a recent interview, and I SO appreciate him thinking about that, as it feels like the book doesn't as much. Iiiiii read it and felt like there was this idea from the narrative that it was important for the child to have a relationship with her biological father, a known abuser. And I just... don't agree with that. It's real that many survivors are forced to co-parent with abusers due to this fucked up legal system. BUT it's this idea that like... a father who abused his child's mother is better than no father at all as long as he doesn't put hands the child... that I felt the narrative pushed... that I find so horrific. And like. If you're abusing your child's parent, you're abusing the child. That is psychic scarring, even if you never lay a hand on the kid or even yell at the them. ESPECIALLY if that is your child's primary caretaker, as if often the case with mothers.

Full transparency regarding my own bias: I have an emotionally abusive, estranged father. Never laid hands on me or my mom or my siblings. Things could change, but at this point in my life, it sucks to not have a dad, but it sucked worse to have him. I don't think this idea of the damage done by a parent being cut out being insurmountable is just... right.

SOOOO all that aside, my biggest issue has always been the marketing (the coloring book they were gonna put out, the nail polishes) and the idea of profiting off this story of DV the way you would a romance novel (and the bad marketing of it as a romance novel). Which is not entirely in Colleen's hands, but she apologized for that coloring book. She was involved in that. The reality is that the movie's marketing has done the same thing. Yes, the full trailers let you know what this shit is. Some of the teaser spots I've seen are way less clear. The interviews especially are NOT CLEAR. I mean, Blake is basically cross-promoting this with Deadpool x Wolverine. That? Is not the way I think you should market a movie about DV.

The only person I've seen discuss this at length is Justin Baldoni.

I won't begrudge Colleen for making money off this, or Justin, or Blake, or whoever. When you make art, it's difficult to justify doing so without at least trying to turn a profit in this world. And people are gonna buy what they're going to buy. It's the way in which it's marketed and the idea that a story that could really be powerful is being presented the way you'd present something like... I don't know. The must-see movie of the summer, dress like Lily Bloom, check out Blake's haircare products, etc. Look at how hot Atlas is!

But also, look at how Ryle beats his wife, I guess?

So... yeah....

[whisperthatruns]

Mother of 2 Stabbed to Death in Silverton

           ---DENVER POST, JUNE 7TH, 2014

The woman was overheard in the town hall saying she was afraid to do it, once and for all, that he would, like he’s said, and he did.

That night the neighbors down Mineral Street heard the usual. Words then cracks like biting into an apple and they felt bad

about it but what could they do. One woman cleaned a mirror over and over. Her husband switched on the television, turned it up.

Who could they call at this hour? In the days that followed they would shake their heads and give dazed interviews. A tragedy, yes. They knew

his father. It ran in the family, disgraceful. Suddenly they heard nothing at all. The boys were home and everyone should have been

sleeping. They folded down their sheets. It could go a few ways. Tomorrow she’d be out with the boys at the park, a little blue

peeking through her creamy makeup, but the sun would find its way. They brushed their teeth and turned out the lights. It was late.

The footsteps came so slow up the porch they thought it couldn’t be anything desperate. He was covered in blood, and silence

hung over him like a new moon. It’s dark but you know something is there. It was an accident, he said, I never meant it. They stood there still

as newsprint.

Allison Adair, The Clearing (Milkweed Editions, 2020)

[bieddiediaz]

and now that i know       i wish you'd left me wondering.

[cavalrysystem]

How Janus got his scars.

Tw: abuse, graphic depictions of violence, unsympathetic!Virgil, blood and gore.

(Fic under the cut)

The argument had started off so small.

Janus had been telling Virgil he wanted Virgil to stop drinking, and to put the bottle of bourbon down.

"You fucking slut!" Virgil screamed, smashing the bottle against the wall. He stared at Janus, face flushed from drinking, vision blurry.

Janus flinched when the bottle shattered, and put his hands up, palms out, to show he meant no harm. "Virgil, my love, please- you've burned through three bottlessss alrea-"

"Shut up!" Virgil screamed, grabbing Janus by the hair and forcing him to come closer, a clump of Janus's hair falling after he slammed the broken end of the bottle into Janus's eye.

Janus stumbled back, hands touching his face. Cold blood began to pour from around his eye, and the side of his mouth. He breathing shakily and looked up at Virgil. "Virgil, I'm ssssorry! But you can't keep doing thissss!"

Virgil grabbed Janus by the neck.

"Virgil, ssstop!" Janus cried, as Virgil sliced open his human cheek with the end of the broken bottle.

"You don't fucking talk to me like that, you whore." Virgil threw Janus to the ground and kicked him. "Don't get blood on my fucking carpet." He spat on Janus, and walked off.

Laying there, hands pressed to the wounds on his face, Janus began crying. But only from his human eye. Snakes can't cry, after all. He slowly sits up, taking a shuddering breath and using his extra hands to push himself up. The young deceitful side felt his way to the bathroom, turned on the sink, and splashed his face with water.

Dark crimson blood stained the marble countertop and the steel inside of the sink. Janus placed his gloved hands, now stained with blood, on the counter and looked in the mirror, eyes still wide. He was met with the sight of blood pouring down his face, his hair ruined from Virgil pulling out a massive clump of it.

He felt frozen, staring at his reflection. His vision began to grow spotty, and he quickly finished cleaning the blood off his face. He searched the cabinets for a healing plant or potion or something- he found a bundle of the plant Remus had discovered in the imagination that would heal wounds. He untied the bundle and ate the plants quickly, slowly starting to calm down.

He checked his phone. Another apology text from Virgil. Janus wiped the tears off his cheeks and cleaned the sink and countertop.

[neurasthnia]

watching my lads fight 천지 in between chapters of my graded reader. spoiler alert this woman mightve beat her ex to death in a pub?? tío juan, my guy?

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 18

♡ Chapter Inspo: The Tortured Poets Department ; TS - 'I scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever. But you awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head, but i've read this one where you come undone - I chose this cyclone with you, and who's gonna hold you like me?'

♡ Summary: Winnie meets Donna for the first time, Carmy ends up needing an emergency therapy session.

♡ W/C: 8,071

♡ Posted Date: 04/22/24

♡ A/N: Eep here we are! 18 chapters and the plot is finally starting to thicken up! I'm enjoying where this story is going very much. I hope you all are too! When I heard the golden retriever line I was like - wait....Carmy and Winnie hahahah!!! I'm loving this new album V much - tried not to add too much Taylor-talk in here but it's CANON that Winnies a fan so it would be OOC for her to not be excited heheheh ♡ Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Physical Violence, Alcoholism, Mentions of Police, Family domestic abuse, attempt to enable said behaviors, Sad Carmy

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

Her shrill voice bounced off the walls, and quite frankly made my head hurt. I took a deep breath, clearing my throat and preparing for what was to come. I’d been apart of many screaming matches in my life since Id realized I could fight my mother back - so at minimum 15 years worth of defending myself against a raging narcissist.

“You don’t have to talk to her, my purse is just in there- I need it it has our house keys” I said so just we could hear. 

“Where is he! CARMEN ANTHONY. YOU WILL COME SPEAK TO ME I AM YOUR MOTHER!” she shouted. It was clear she was drunk by the way she was speaking and annunciating her words. 

“Baby go- go outside, I’m gonna deal with her” he said softly, his hands were shaking. 

“I’m not leaving you alone, bear. I promise, I’m not gonna add fuel” I said and took his hand, holding it in mine and squeezing gently. “I love you - and that means we do things together even when they’re hard” I whispered and he nodded, swallowing thickly. 

“Donna! Donna sweetheart we should step outside huh? Let’s go, let’s go outside, we'll have a cigarette. The babies are here, you don’t want them to hear this? No?” Jimmy told her, ushering her down the hall towards where we were in the dining room that contained the front door. 

When she saw him it was like everything stopped, I felt like I was trapped in a lions den, or a fucking bear cave more like it. “Who is this?” She said, just above a whisper and she looks at me, then our enclasped hands, then Carmen again. “Who the fuck is this, Carmen?” She questioned 

“Mom. Mom. Listen-“ I interrupt him because I’d never heard his voice sound so small and scared 

“Hi! I’m Winnie?” I said casually. “And- I assume you’re Donna? Right?” I gently rubbed the back of his hand with the pad of my thumb, it felt like I was trying to tame a mountain lion with a smile. 

“And what kind of fucking name is Winnie. What the hell is this- a goddamn cartoon? And why are you in my daughters house?” She asked and I maintained my cool, seeing as the whole family pretty much had silently crowded in the hall to watch this go down. 

“Oh-“ I cleared my throat, trying to maintain my cool and I held our hands up that were laced together “I’m well acquainted with your son.” I drop them back to our sides “he’s lovely. May I just say you did a wonderful job raising him.” I said and he squeezed my hand tightly 

“And I’m here to talk to said son alone. So you can take your cute little carrot top self back wherever you came from and fuck right off missy “ she snapped and I raised my brows, but before I could open my mouth Jimmy stepped in 

“Heyyy! Hey hey! Donna- Donna the girl hasn’t done anything wrong come on-“

“Oh shut up jimmy.” She seethed 

“MOM!” Carmen snapped, “I’m not fuckin’ doing this” he rose his voice so she could tell he was serious “I’m not. That was it- we’re done we’re leaving good fuckin job- I’m fucking leaving. Syd can you bring Winnie’s fuckin purse please?” He called to her and I saw her shoving through everyone gathered in the hallway to get back into the living room.

“Oh so you’re gonna choose this stupid girl over your own mother? What are you too good for your mother now? Is she- is she some hot shot chef? Oh- no let me guess- she’s a nurse since you messed things up with the Doctor, Claire?” She said and my mouth dropped 

“Actually-“ I scoff “I work at a library- your son is the ‘hot shot’ chef. The only one in your family might I add? Donna, you are speaking to everyone horribly right now. Why do you think he wouldn’t want to talk to you when you’re acting like-“ I see her jerk her arm and I am suddenly soaking wet, and my eyes are stinging worse than I’d ever felt in my life. I shrieked, wiping my face furiously and coughing, my lungs burning as the alcoholic drink that had been thrown in my face choked me from when I’d gasped in surprise and inhaled a gulp of it. 

“Oh- Donna!” Jimmy said “no- no now you gotta go dear, what’s wrong with you?” 

“Someone had to shut her up to stop that annoying little speech she was putting me to sleep” she laughed drunkenly 

“Mom what- WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! ARE YOU? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING OBSESSION RUINING EVERYTHING?! THIS IS WHY - THIS- THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU- I CAN'T STAND YOU! I CANT FUCKING STAND YOU MOM” Carmy roars. 

“Oh my god you crazy bitch” Sadie said angrily. I couldn’t even see what was going on, everything was sticky and wet and it was driving me insane. I was still stuck in a coughing fit as I rubbed my eyes but the stinging was getting worse. The amount of overwhelmed, embarrassment, fear, anger I felt threw me headfirst into a panic attack. 

“What did she throw? Oh my god my contacts Sadie - I- I need to take out my contacts” I said gasping and coughing as I felt a hand on my arm guiding me to the kitchen 

“I know, I know, shhhh” she coaxed, bringing me over to the sink. “I’m gonna get them out but you have to do me a favor and stay still” she ordered, but I could barely fucking understand her with the pain. 

I began sobbing uncontrollably and she turned the sink on “I’m so sorry” I said and we heard crashing coming from the front room 

“What? What did she do?! MOM!!!” I heard Natalie shout “MOM THESE ARE BRAND FUCKING NEW CARPETS!! GET HER OUT!!!” She shrieked.

“YOUR FUCKING CARPETS? SHE JUST BLINDED MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND YOU GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE CARPETS, NAT?! THIS IS ON YOU, YOU’RE THE FUCKING REASON SHES HERE.” Carmy was in a rage. I’d never heard him so angry before.

“Everything e-everything I’m sticking-  i’m sticking oh my god Sadie. Everything stings, Sadie. Help me” I cried, “what did I even say why did she do that?” I sobbed, each time I tried to open my eyes I was faced with a searing pain. All of the screaming, the fear of his mother finding me and doing further damage for god knows why, the worry for Carmy and what was happening to him - it was all too much.

“CALL THE FUCKIN’ COPS THIS SHIT IS GETTIN’ TOO FUCKIN OUT OF HAND.” Richie shouted 

“I am alreadyyy on it- yup okay- let me just- I can’t hear them! I’m gonna go out there“ I heard Syd say awkwardly 

“Open” Sadie said and pried my left eye open, quickly scooping out the contact before doing the same with the right causing me to wince. She had to essentially trap me against the counter and wall so I wouldn't out of instinct slap and kick her for trying to dig in my fucking eyes with her fingers.

“Ok rinse” she said once she managed to get both of the contacts out. I dove for the sink, scrubbing my face over with water, rinsing out my eyes quickly and doing my best to hold them open under the running water despite the burning and uncomfortable stinging.

“G-get Carmen please, please” I said through shaky sobs. I hadn’t even been able to listen to what was going on since Sadie had scooped out my contacts, it was as if she and I were the only people in the house due to all the adrenaline from the pain coursing through my body allowing me to focus on the task at hand the fucking blinding pain.

“Yup ok. Okay I’ll find him” she said and I heard a sharp slap come from the other room

“MOM - MOM!! DID YOU REALLY JUST HIT HIM LIKE THAT! Oh, Carmy- Are you ok? Go- go out of here- go” Natalie shrieks at donna and there’s a loud smashing of glass 

“MY PLATES!!! MY PLATES!!!” Natalie shouts and starts to cry, “Jimmy! Jimmy those are my special china we got at our wedding!” She sobs “Mom! Why are you doing this?!” she pleaded

“That bitch is FUCKED up! What in the fuckin ghetto ass shit! Isn’t this the north side?!” Sadie said, causing Richie to laugh 

“Welcome to the fuckin Berzatto house my friend” he told her loudly over the chaos

“Natalie! Natalie - Honey- Uncle Jimmy will replace your plates, Come on honey we need to get her out I need your help grab her other arm!” I heard Jimmy tell her 

“Oh my god baby” I heard from behind me and Carmy rushed over, touching my back and I flinch.

“Don’t- don’t touch me I’m gonna have a panic response I can’t see- I don’t wanna hurt you” I said quickly, trying to even my breathing and stop crying so hard. “Please get my bag” I told him, continuing to rinse my eyes until the pain had subsided enough to open them. 

“Yeah- uh…yeah” he said and I heard him go into the living room. I felt around the counter until I found the paper towel, patting my face down with it to dry.  

When he came in, I took my glasses out of my purse, putting them on my face to see his cheek was unnaturally bright red- it looked so painful. There was a big raised mark with fanned out stripes from a handprint - she slapped him so hard it would bruise. 

Suddenly, my panic for myself melted away and I went in to protector mode, any worry or fear melted and reformed into concern for the sweet, damaged man before me. “Oh..Bear” I whispered, rushing to the freezer and getting a bag of frozen vegetables. “My poor love” 

I went over, gently pressing it to his cheek and he hissed in pain “yeah…” he said softly. “ it looks bad?” He asked

“I think she should go to jail. Either that or she agrees to go to rehab,” I said softly, gently thumbing out the wrinkle in his brow with my thumb. 

“She’s not gonna go to rehab” he muttered, looking up at the ceiling and swallowing hard. I could tell he was biting back tears, as was I, because this environment wasn’t safe to cry. 

“Then she goes to jail. Because this is gonna give you a black eye - and don’t you know how much I love your pretty face?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit and I kissed his good cheek. 

He cracked the slightest smile, “yeah she really got me. She’s never uh…well not since I was a kid but I don’t think she’s ever hit me with all her strength like that. I was scared for a second she broke my fuckin jaw” he said and I gently rub his shoulder 

“Baby really” I said softly. “Half of your face is gonna be bruised. She needs help” I said quietly. 

“But….she’d never forgive me” he said brokenly, averting my gaze. 

“Forgive you?! Oh bear. No, no my love. Carm, you should be thinking if you can ever forgive her. Not the other way around.” I gently rub his chest “lets go sit on the couch ok? We don’t want this rash to set and it’ll be so much worse. Cold compress should help the aching and the red and the swelling” I explained. He nodded a bit and took over holding the bag, going with me to the living room. 

“I want you on my lap” he said softly and I nodded, sitting down and wrapping my arm across his shoulders, holding the bag with my other hand against his cheek. 

“They’re fine- yeah- Winnie- how are your eyes?” Syd asked as she came in the living room talking on the phone 

“Okay Syd, thanks. It’s Carmy I’m worried about- is your ear ok bear?” I asked him 

“Still ringing” he mumbled, resting his other cheek on my chest and shutting his eyes. 

“He says his ear is ringing. I’m gonna have him checked out tomorrow” I told her and she nods

“Do you…wanna press charges?” She asked and I shrug 

“Tell them well know when they get here based on her behavior and if she’s being remorseful,” I said and she nodded, heading back to the front room. 

“Oh my god- oh god. Carmy - Carmy I’m so sorry” Natalie said, rushing in and sitting next to us, “Winnie- Winnie I’m so sorry please forgive me I promise. I told her she has to go to rehab I told her she has to go or she can’t come here anymore-“ I cut her off 

“Natalie…” I said softly. “If she doesn’t agree to be checked into an emergency rehab center- tonight? She is going to jail. Tonight. I will make sure of it. So if you don’t want her to go to jail, I would go talk her into rehab. There is nothing you have to be sorry to us for, lovey. If anything- apologize to Pete? Apologize to your daughters. But not us. Because Carmen has been saying for at least 2 months he no longer wants to interact with her, and the only time he has to is when you push him to do so. I love you, it’s why I’m telling you this. And I appreciate the roll you have in Carmys life and all you do for him- but you are enabling her. And it’s hurting the family. No matter what happens after tonight- this is the last time either of us will see her unless we’re shown definite proof she is sober.” I explained.

 Carmen just sat silently, his other cheek flush against my chest with his eyes closed, likely pretending to not be here. He didn’t have the mental strength to stick up to her like this right now, nor did he have the emotional capacity to do it gently. So I was stepping up to take the load for him. 

  “Okay…” she nodded “okay.” She repeated and went back out to the front yard where Jimmy had wrangled Donna off to wait for the cops.  “I love you” he muttered into my shirt, and he sounded utterly defeated.

Donna had chosen rehab- reluctantly. It wasn’t without a huge fight between her, Carmy, and Natalie, with many tears from each side being shed. 

When we finally got home, we wordlessly stripped out of our clothes, I started the shower for us and he got our towels for us and set out our night time lavender lotion we shared on top of the counter. I put the towels in the warmer Carmy had bought for us, since he said it ‘was too much an effort for me to put them in the dryer while we shower, and the floor out there was so cold, and he dripped all over while going to get them’ so the $200 purchase was well worth it to him.  

We had a silent shower, but it was not any less intimate then any of our other shared showers. We still washed each other, we still gently brushed eachothers wet strands of hair off of the others forehead. I had to swallow a lump in my throat each time my gaze met the raised bumps on his swollen red cheek. 

I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through the next few weeks until he healed. I’d much rather her had slapped me. I could hardly imagine what he was going through inside his head right now. I had to actually remove myself and go throw up when I heard him crying, begging her to listen to Sugar and just go with her to rehab- or he would have to tell the cops to take her. 

Apparently, she went through the typical stages of grief an addict goes through when realizing they’ve been backed into a corner and are no longer able to make the choice to keep using for themself. She had started by telling them the classic

‘I know- I know I’ve done some messed up things- I know I’ve hurt you kids! But I’m your mother- you really are gonna send your mother to jail? Hmm? Carmy? My littlest bear. You’d send your mama away? I don’t believe that, Carmen. Oh Carmen Anthony. My sweetest boy. Don’t you  let your sister control the situation- you don’t want this sweetheart you don’t want to do this to your mother’ 

And when Carmen simply told her ‘no- I’m with Sug, mom you need rehab- this can’t keep goin’ ’ she flew off the handle once more, screaming at him, Sugar and the police - telling them that they were crazy- that all of them were lying about her, and that she didn’t even have a problem at all. That her ingrate horrible leech children- the ones that she had left at least, had planned for her to be taken away and locked up because they hate her- for why? She couldn’t give an answer to that in her drunken state. 

For the last part of her Oscar worthy performance - She wailed, she screamed, she cursed Carmen and told him he was a mistake- that together he and Natalie had ruined her life. That she ‘knew she should have stopped at Michael.’ That they drove their father away together, drove her to drink, and then drove their brother to do what he did. That they took everything from her. That her very pregnancy’s and births with them were pure hell- as if she was birthing demons and that she’d been miserable since the day Natalie had been born, and that it hadn’t stopped. And not without telling Carmen he made things all the more worse. 

In her vicious words, as told to me by Syd while Carmen comforted Natalie in the laundry room as she sobbed so hard she could barely breathe - the last thing Donna said after finding out Carmy would be the one paying for her treatment - while she being put in Pete’s car so he could drop her off was; 

“Your father couldn’t handle your social deficits anymore- so he left us. that’s what really happened you drove your father away from your brother and sister. You’re the reason the family is the way it is.” 

After Syd told me, I sobbed so hard I threw up again. 

The look on Carmen’s face when he came to collect me in the living room to leave after tending to Natalie and getting her to bed was nothing short of haunted. 

The drive back, likely goes without saying- was silent. 

Carmy cut off the water after he finished delicately rinsing my hair, opening the curtain and grabbing my towel first, wrapping it around my body. 

“Thanks.” I muttered, squeezing the water from my hair before drying my body off and stepping out. 

He hummed in response. The rest of the evening was that- silent. It was almost a shell shock kind of silent. I felt insane guilt, so much so that silent hot tears rolled down my cheeks as we laid in the dark, trying our best to get some sleep. 

“I- I know we said goodnight already” I sniffle, my voice hoarse and raw from crying. “I’ll shut up after this- I just had to tell you I’m sorry. I’m so so fucking sorry Bear. I’ll listen to you from here on. I’m sorry- It- it was so stupid it was my fault- you know your family better than anyone I was so dumb to push you and to ask to stay. I think back on it and I realize why you got upset when I asked on the porch- but hindsight is always 20/20. I got you hurt. I hurt you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. You know I never would intentionally hurt you…right? And it feels like- like I did this to you” I said, gently rubbing his arm. 

He sat up, flicking on the lamp on his side. “It’s my mom.” He said, wiping my tears. “Please. Baby. Please. I- I can’t be away from you tonight- but if I start gettin’ worked up again- I’m not gonna be able t’sleep here. Please. Princess,  Honey - I love you. I fucking love you. Is that what you need? I need you to be okay right now baby- at least not cryin’. I’m hangin’ on-“ he took a shaking breath “I’m hangin by a thread. I already texted Jazz” he whispered, rubbing his face over to rid any building tears. 

I swallowed thickly “I love you, Ok. Ok I’m done, I just had to tell you how sorry I am…” I said, quickly shoving all my emotions into a too small box and locking the bulging lid. He needs me right now. 

“Here, you’ll be little tonight. Turn off the light” I said, laying flat and opening my arms for him. 

He shut off the light, nuzzling his face into my neck, pulling me close as he possibly could. With a featherlight touch, I brush his hair off his forehead so it doesn’t tickle my mouth, gently dragging my nails across his scalp. “Thank you” he muttered.

He shivered a bit, his breath hitching slightly before he melted into me, sighing deeply. “I love you, so much, Carmen. Wholeheartedly. As sure as I am the sun will come up tomorrow, that’s how sure I am I love you. With every cell of my being. And I want you to know that it’s okay to be hurting. It’s okay to show you’re hurting, bear. You’re safe” I said quietly, before kissing his forehead tenderly. 

He remained silent, fingers gently moving along the skin of my back. I continued gently scratching his scalp, rubbing his back in long soothing strokes, the only sound in the room being our breathing and my noise machine. It remained that way for about 20 minutes, before he started softly shaking with silent sobs, holding me tighter and sniffling every so often. 

It went on like this for quite a while. My neck was soaking wet, so was my pillow he was nuzzled on- I didn’t care. I could flip it over. The itch of tear droplets gliding down my skin was only temporary. What he needed right now, was to be held. And to be loved. So that is what I’d give him, without any stipulation, or question, or expecting him to offer any answers. 

“You didn’t deserve it. Any of it. Remember that, ok? I know it hurts. You deserved a good mother, Carm. We both did.” I said softly, kissing the side of his head. 

He nodded gently, tightening his grip on me. “My fucking face hurts again. Like a bitch” he whimpered sadly. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat that formed at the sound of his wet tear filled voice “Give me a second Bear, I’ll be right back yeah? You’re getting too hot, It’s worse cause you're getting all warm and its makin’ the blood rush to your face and it’s throbbing. Cold will help it feel better, let me help you sweets” He wordlessly let me up and I quickly padded out to the freezer. 

Persephone meows, twirling around my legs for attention. “Hey you” I sniffled, tears brimming my eyes without an ability to stop them. I crouched down to pet her and blinked the blurry haze away, the offending tears rolling down my cheeks and dripping in 2 thick droplets onto the floor. 

“Carmy is sad right now, ok? Can you come give us your sweet Sephy snuggles and make him feel better? I know you can make him giggle silly girl” I wiped my face with his white shirt, shaking my head and trying to get ahold of myself.  

“Mama can do this, kittens. I can do it” I told myself, standing up again and momentarily resting the ice pack on each of my puffy eyes before blowing my nose with a tissue and heading back. 

“Hi sweet boy” I said softly, carefully getting back in bed and laying with him. 

“Hey” he sniffled.

I opened my arm for him “Here, we can both be cold” I joked. Resting the ice pack where he usually laid on my chest and patting it. “This will make it feel so much better, Bear” I assured him. 

“Thank you” he said, gently resting his cheek and closing his eyes. He was hiccuping and doing one of those post-sob sniffles every so often, as I resumed petting his hair. 

“Everything happens for a reason, Bear. And I’m really grateful I’m able to tell you I love you, tonight. I love you, and I’m here- I’ll always be here” I said softly and kissed his forehead with a gentle peck.  “You too…” He whispered, and that was the last thing either of us said that night.

The next morning naturally due to the stress I woke up extra early. Well- shamefully half because of the stress. Half because Sadie was coming over for coffee and we were gonna do our usual Taylor album release antics.

I grabbed my phone carefully, seeing that Sadie had sent me twenty seven texts since midnight. The last one being 

THAT CRAZY BITCH!! SHES RELEASING A PT 2. 31 FUCKIN SONGS WIN!!

I gasp quietly, ever so gently untucking Carm’s arm around me and getting up carefully. I picked up Seph who was comfy laying on his hip, squeaking in protest. 

I shush her, kissing her nose and carrying her to the kitchen. “Queen put a new album out fluffabutt!!” I whispered, taking out 2 coffee mugs. 

I grabbed my phone, FaceTiming Sadie “oh! Perfect! I’m at Starbucks what are you feeling?” She asked and I opened the cabinet, putting away the 2 glass mugs. 

“Can I have a large like- triple shot added americano? With extra oatmilk - vanilla and cold foam, iced?” I said and she laughed 

“Jesus Christ ok I’ll be ready to do CPR I guess” she joked. 

“Yup, Carm and I had a late night, shall I spare you the details?” I joked and she snorted, pulling up to the drive through. 

“Please- I don’t have to hear it twice.” She paused to put in our order “what does he like?” She asked

“Oh- black with sugar. He’s a weirdo. Thank you- I’ll cashapp you” I told her and she relayed it to the person working the line 

“Don’t worry about it- I’ll be there soon Kay?” She asked and I smiled a bit and nod 

“Sounds good. Love ya drive safe!” I told her 

“Love you!” She replied as I hung up. 

I heard stirring in the bathroom and the toilet flushed, so I headed back over to the bedroom just as Carm lays back down on his side of the bed.

“G’morning lovey” I said softly

“Hey- whats’up why’ya outta bed?” He yawned. My heart ached slightly at the sight of his puffy eyes and red nose from crying so long last night, but mostly the reddening on his cheek.

“Uh- it’s Taylor day- Sadie was coming over but we’re gonna get outta here so you don’t have to listen to us, don’worry” I sit down on my side of the bed. 

“Why?” He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and tugging me to him. 

“We don’t wanna bug you…” I shrugged a bit. My past boyfriends would sometimes get annoyed about my passion for music- especially Taylor, and Sadie was just as loud and enthusiastic as I was- and especially due to the previous nights events. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d be feeling snappier then usua & didn’t want to deal with our squealing and excited antics. 

“Why’d you bein’ happy bug me, honey?” He said softly, resting his head on my lap and looking up at me. 

I shrugged, gently playing with his hair. “I dunno… I guess if it’s ok we’ll stay, we’ll make sure t’be quiet cause you need your sleep baby your eyes are exhausted” I said softly, gently running my thumb over the bags under his eyes with my other hand. He sighed contently nuzzling his face in my stomach. 

“Sounds good t’me…Can I ask you somethin’ and you won’t laugh?” He asked, eyes still closed. 

“I’d never laugh at you, baby. Well- except that one time you thought rupaul were 2 different people.” I teased with a giggle and he snorts a laugh 

“Stop it I’m serious. Did that all….really happen? Last night?” He asked and I gently bit my lip. 

“I love you, and your mom is getting help. If that’s what you mean” I said, trying to lead with the good and put the bad as gently as I possibly could. 

He sighed softly “mmhmm.” he muttered, remaining quiet for a little bit. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he didn’t want to speak any more about it. Considering last night was the first time i’d met his mother- he was likely feeling embarrassed knowing him (which he shouldn’t be) but nonetheless- nothing I could say would remove that shame from him. The shame of being the child of an unhealed alcoholic was a wound that no one or nothing could heal unless she got the help she needed.

“Wait don’t we gotta go get the album or whatever baby? From Target yea?” He peeked up at me. My heart swelled at the fact he remembered that I told him about the little process Sadie and I had when Taylor would release an album. We didn’t go as far as to having a huge party and staying up until midnight how we used to, but we’d both take the day off work & get starbucks before going to target and buying the Vinyl & CD & listening it in her car together while we do a mini road trip and get lunch.

When I’d told him about it- he said it was ‘really sweet’ and that it seemed like a great time, I told him it was and jokingly invited him expecting him to pass- but surprisingly he agreed, & told me he likes hanging out with Sadie and I because we were ‘funny’ which just made me fall in love with him all the more that he enjoys my best friends company how I do.

I shook my head a bit “No carmy. We can just relax- we had a hard night. It can just wait you’re more important” I said gently and he sat up a bit, furrowing his brows slightly.

“No- no, I have therapy at 2 we got time you’ve been wantin’ this baby. I wanna see too what it’s about. All the letters and stuff? Mm? It’ll be fun right?” He rubbed my arm gently. I had been telling him all about the letters Taylor had been posting on her social media in preparation for the album. I  never expected him to be actually listening since I was just rambling on and I know he doesn’t listen to music so I thought he was just letting me go on because he cares about me.

“You really…you really care?” I asked, astonished he would even humor me by tolerating my interests- let alone actually asking questions about them and wanting to learn and participate in them the same way I’d ask him about cooking. 

“What? Yes. Yes, honey, I love listenin’ t’you talk about this stuff. Y’fuckin light up when you do. How could I not like it if it makes you happy?” He asked and I felt tears welling up behind my eyes. 

I hugged him tightly, nuzzling my face in his neck and he wrapped me in a bear hug, laying back on the mattress as I curl myself around him. “Y’think I don’t realize when y’tell me things you’re lookin’ forward to babe?” He asked gently and rubs my back soothingly. 

“I love you. So much” I whispered, blinking away hot stinging tears. “Nd you give such good hugs” I giggled, smiling when I feel him chuckle against me. 

“So you’ve told me” he kissed my temple “Now tell me princess, how do we do this? You said it’s a process hm?” He asked and I smiled big, sitting back and looking at him with my arms wrapped around his neck loosely. 

I knew he wasn’t a particular fan of hers, Carmy wasn’t really a fan of anything. He barely listened to music on his own, but because I listened to music near constantly - he’d gotten well adjusted to something always playing, and it was usually her. He would make it a point to say “ I do really like this one honey what’s it about?” When he’d heard ones he liked while cooking dinner or breakfast for us and of course I’d happily oblige. 

“Uh..” my cheeks heat as he kissed down my jaw and neck “so - we usually listen to the first single separately…” my breath hitches as he stops at my collarbones, tugging the collar of his shirt down over my shoulder easily and biting down gently on the fleshy part. He hummed as if to say ‘go on’ 

“That- would um..be the first track so. Yeah and then we listen to the rest together but like slow- we relisten to the songs over and over, it’s weird” I said, losing my train of thought as he kissed the top of my breast, sucking lightly before pulling away and looking up at me.

“Put it on then mm?” he rested his chin in the hill of my breasts looking up at me with those big blue puppy eyes of his. 

“I’m gonna tell you a lot today but I love you and you’re the best” I kissed his forehead gently and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. 

He smiled a bit, blush creeping across his cheeks. “So since im the best…does that mean we can fool around before Sadie gets here?” he sucked on my neck gently and I scratch his hair gently as I one handedly checked her location. 

“She’s 7 minutes away don’t think so especially since she has a key” I connect my phone to my bluetooth speaker. 

“Mmm” he huffs brattily,  leaning into my touch and closing his eyes.

“Ok, it’s been less then 24 hours, you little pervert- this one’s called Fortnight, A Fortnight if you don’t know is a period of 2 weeks. If you can remember the name of one song from this album before we go to bed I’ll do whatever you want any position at all” I smirked and he looked up at me quickly, like a puppy being asked if they’d like to go on a walk. 

“The mating press one?” he asked and I roll my eyes playfully with a smirk.

“Yes you horny fucker. Now shhh” I kissed his lips gently as I hit play on the song so he couldn’t ask any more questions.

He hummed happily and cupped my cheek with his calloused hand, rubbing his thumb over my cheek sweetly. When he pulled away he said, “The beat is cool” which made me smile big and pull him into another sweet kiss, gently rubbing over the back of his neck.

I gently rested my head on his shoulder as I listened and he snorted a laugh at the line ‘Your wife waters flowers, I want to kill her.’ “She’s so honest about her feelings, it’s refreshing” he mutters and I giggle a bit.

“Well yeah- if I lost you and then you went off and dated someone else and got married and we ended up being neighbors? If you didn’t move i’d fantasize about killing that bitch every day” I laced our fingers together.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Marriage would be completely off the table if you left me, so it’d never happen” He said and I blushed pink, squeezing his hand gently. 

“I’d never leave you, Bear. Ever, you know that. Here let me see hows your cheek baby?” I gently turn his face and bit my lip at the fanned out pink and deep red marks as well as a blotch in the middle of his cheek. 

“Yeah I look fuckin…horrible” he cleared his throat, looking away from my gaze. I shook my head quickly

“Baby-” I swallowed thickly, trying to hold back my tears and maintain an even normal voice. He hated when I cried, it always made him so upset, so the last thing I needed was to make him hurt more then he already was right now. “It looks fine.” I lied “I meant are you hurting? Can I get you some tylenol or something? Want me to ice it for you?” I asked and barely even brushed my finger over it and he winced.

“Ah- don’t” he hissed and I frowned. 

“I’m gonna go get an ice pack love” I got up and went to the freezer. The way he wasn’t fighting on me, meant it really was hurting him- but Carmy is Carmy and wasn’t ever going to complain. But it still bothered me how he would just sit there in pain & not say anything about it so I could take care of him.

I came back to bed with the icepack and gently held it to his face and he sighed in relief. “Thank you angel” He said softly. I paused the song before it could start the next one without Sadie here and kissed his forehead. 

“Of course sweets, I’m gonna get dressed mm?” I said and he hummed in agreement, taking the icepack and holding it to himself, laying back on the bed and sighing softly to himself. 

“So do you have a special Taylor outfit too baby?” he asked as I opened my closet. I smiled a bit, looking through it.

“Kinda- I’m gonna wear my Folklore cardigan” I took it out and tossed it on the bed and he looks at it carefully, dragging his finger over the embroidered stars “Cause that’s what Sadie’s wearin’ so were gonna match” I said and speak of the devil, I heard the door open.

“In here! He’s already up, Oh my god!! ‘My husbands cheating I wanna kill him?!’ Bitch this albums gonna be insane” I called out to herand she came to the bedroom, baring a tray of coffees.

“Stop it’s been on repeat since last night for me, It’s so good!! Hey Carm” she greeted him and goes over, setting the tray on the nightstand and handing him the only hot coffee in the tray.

“Oh-Uh, thanks…” He said shyly. He still hadn’t been able to be out of his shell fully unless it was just us, but he was slowly getting there. His eyes slightly widen as I started stripping and putting on a fresh pair of panties and a bra while Sadie and I continued casually talking.

“Oh the first part about being sent away- literally us” I said causing us both to laugh as I hit play on the song again. 

“First thing I thought when I heard it, oh are we twinning?! Cuutee!!” She said excitedly with a smile.

“So…you just look at eachothers tits?” Carm asked bluntly and Sadie and I both laugh.

“No- weirdo- shes just changing i’m not staring at her. You don’t change in front of your dude friends?” she asked and he shook his head.

“You’ve never changed in front of other dudes?” she asked to which he shook his head again lightly as he held the icepack to his cheek.

“He didn’t play any sports bug” I told her as I jumped and wiggled into my jeans before buttoning them. 

“Ahhh- ok. That tracks, when did you graduate?” she asked him.

“High- High School? Er…” he asked, looking at me nervously before looking back at her. If she’d been a stranger I’d willingly save him from the discomfort of being asked about himself - but it’s healthy for him to branch out and talk to people since he refused to do it himself, and Sadie was more then safe for him to try that with.

“Yeah! I went to Gage Park and graduated in 2012 - same year as Win” she nodded 

“Oh- uh..no I um… I went to Foreman and graduated in 2011” he replied and took a sip of his coffee. “How’d you know?” he motioned to the cup and she shrugged with a smile

“If I said i’m a coffee psychic i’m not sure you’d believe me, your lovely pooh bear has your order memorized,” she said and I rolled my eyes, putting on my deodorant with a small smile.

 “It’d be more impressive if he remembered my order since his is literally just sugar” I said and Sadie grabbed my cup from the nightstand, covering the sticker.

“Boyfriend test! What’s her coffee order?” she teased him and I looked over at him raising my eyebrows playfully.

“Here’s your real test of love” I joked, slipping my cardigan on and grabbing my hairbrush, beginning to detangle my rats nest from not tying it up before I went to sleep. 

He rolled his eyes playfully. “Iced americano, with shots in it depending on how tired she is- and then add vanilla, and extra light with the oatmilk shit, and extra of the cold foam stuff on the top - and cinnamon” he said and Sadie raised her eyebrows in surprise, looking over at me.

“Trained ‘em well” she said and I laughed, pausing my hairbrushing to come give him a well deserved kiss.

“Do I love you yet?” he joked and I giggle, pinching his bicep playfully. 

“Remembered the cinnamon huh?” I kiss the tip of his nose and he pats my bum gently. 

“Yes- can we please turn on the next song now? We’ve heard it 50 times now babe” He asked and I laugh a bit. 

“More like less then 10, but ok lover because I don’t want you sick of us just yet” I hit skip to start playing the next song which was the title track as I sat at my vanity and finished brushing my hair. Sadie came up and put my coffee on the vanity for me, going over to my perfumes and smelling various ones as we listened. 

Came the part of the song where the lyrics were ‘I scratch your head, you fall asleep - like a tattooed golden retriever’ and Sadie and I stared at eachother for a moment before looking at Carmen, then back to eachother and cracking up. She had witnessed many times now when we’d have little dinner party’s with he and Syd when they insisted on cooking for us and showing us a new recipe, he’d work himself so hard that sitting on the couch after everything had been cleaned up when I was gently playing with his hair he’d fall asleep in my lap and miss them leaving. 

“Hey- What! What’s funny?” he asked, not even realizing the lyrics we were laughing at, not having been paying attention like we were and he puts his coffee down. “Tell me! Tell me what did I do?” He whined a bit with a slight pout, how he usually did when he realized he’d missed a joke and I laughed at his adorable childlike tiny tantrum.

“Nothin’ - Taylor had a little tattooed golden retriever too I guess” I shrugged and he put the icepack down, confused. 

“Hell’s that mean?” he asked and came over to me, watching as I put on my eyeliner. 

“It means you’re cute and have nice energy, baby” I said before resuming to carefully draw a sharp wing.

“Mm” he grumbled how he did when he didn’t understand me but was just deciding to let it go. “How long will this take? I wanted you t’try that sauce i’m makin’ when we get back” he kissed the top of my head lightly as I paused to shake the pen so more ink would go to the tip.

“Not long, Bear. We’ll be back with plenty of time to try your sauce, yeah? Go shower baby” I said, leaning into the mirror as I start my other eye. 

“Kay…y’look pretty” he said softly and rested his hand on the desk, leaning. I smiled a bit 

“Thank you, you’re hovering, lovey. Did you want a kiss?” I puckered my lips and his cheeks redden in response as he leans down and kisses my lips. 

“Thank you” he muttered 

“Baby you can ask me for loves when Sadies here, shes not gonna judge you” I assured him and she looks up from her phone.

“What?” she replied, clearly not having paid attention. 

“See” I assure him and rub his chest just above his belly gently. “Make sure you dont let your face hit the hot water ok lovey?” I ask and he nodded a bit. It was more than clear that last nights events were causing him to be much clingier and wanting of physical touch which was more then normal after something like that, especially for him. The last time he’d had a big blowout fight with his mom, he’d not even wanted me to go to the bathroom alone - his mind was absolutely a prison in times like this, and me being near made it easier to manage. 

“Mm i’ll be careful” he said and went to the bathroom, shutting the door since Sadie was here and preoccupying Sephy so she wouldn’t feel the need to go and scratch.

“So…How was like- after” Sadie asked when she heard the water start. I cleared my throat, nervously stretching my back and shaking my eyeliner pen some more. 

“Not much. He’s not a talker, made sure he knew I was here. He cried a little, it’s better then nothing. He’s seeing his therapist.” I told her and she nods a bit, looking at me in the mirror. 

“His sister was a mess too, like- her husband had to drop her kids off at his parents house so they wouldnt see the rest of it. She kinda bitched me out when I opened the laundry room by mistake, Syd said she didn’t mean it, though” she picked at her nails nervously.

“She didn’t, Sadie. Natalie really is one of the nicest people. His family is just…” I sighed. “She said it was like this before their brother, but- now its like…no love left. Like he was the main string that tied the family all together and now that he’s gone- it’s impossible to be together. My therapist says that a tragedy like that either breaks a family or brings them closer together- Chris broke mine too, so I don’t blame them. I wasn’t strong enough - er…my family wasn’t strong enough, either.” I explained and she shook her head.

“No way, Win. You’re so strong, and so, so smart. It wasn’t your job- it was your familys job.” She said and I sighed softly, finishing up my eyeliner. I wanted to believe her - but something in me couldn’t help but feel weak at the fact I had no family left that bothered to speak to me other then my Grandma, and I had Carmy and his family right in front of me in dire need of help and I’m not even the one hurting this time- and I still cant save him from them. 

I’m pulled from my thoughts by Carm’s phone ringing - “Hand it please” I requested since Sadie was laying on my side of the bed, she leaned over and grabbed the phone before reaching out to me and handing it over. 

Natalie's name flashed on the screen and I slid it, to answer putting the phone to my ear.  “Carmy? Mom had a seizure last night apparently- uh…they’re saying she has some…some- disease from drinking? Please- how fast can you get here? I really don’t wanna do this by myself…”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

[g-xix]

Have you seen this?

HEY GIRL!

Sooo YES icl a few hours ago i got a tweet which referenced this - found this OG tweet you've sent + the evidence that Alice linked in that folder, used to prove that imallexx was abusive within their relationship

Ill be honest, I sorta read the first 10 or so pages of the 80 word explanation document, and the tldr i found on Twitter is worth sharing for those who don't want to read it all:

😬 From those accusations, i gotta say, that does sound very abusive indeed.

Making threats, physical violence, belittling... It's all very very poor behaviour, and somewhat of a let down, honestly. As a commentary YouTuber who calls out deplorable people online for their own crimes or mishaps (also often in relationships - cough cough calling out pdf files cough cough -) it does indeed feel sort of ironic and a bit saddening seeing someone who appeared as "self-aware" about the rights and wrongs of how to treat a partner...

Be abusive.

Because from that tldr which im assuming the proof supports, Imallexx was abusive.

Not only abusive, but also im willing to bet that making those threats are a crime, and domestic abuse is undoubtably a crime.

Will he get punished or face charges for domestic abuse though?

I don't really know, I'll be honest. Because with Wilbur, he commit a crime in terms of physically harming and abusing Shubble Shelby - with biting and alleged assault on his ex, Alice also.

Did he face charges though?

NO! Instead he's happily touring and creating music looking like fucken where's wally on crack.

No, really.

A where's wally on crack:

I am tangenting, back to the point.

It's horrid behaviour from Alex. Undeniably.

And I haven't read the whole doc so i cant say i know everything... But i wanna know what sort of person Alice is, too, before forming too many judgements on Imallexx.

Sure, I currently think Alex is abusive and has abused Alice. However also, I accept that this is all what I've seen and heard from Alice's POV. If Alex has clips of Alice doing the same stuff she's alleged, yk, physically assaulting him and making equally as violent threats, that'd undeniably change my view of the situation quite a bit.

So i think before i form too harsh or strong judgements, i wanna hear what or see what Alex has to say ab this situation, too

However as of now?

I think best idea is to believe or support the victim as best possible, until reason is given not to. Hence, the support for Alice.

I gotta say, it really is disappointing from Alex. I've watched a lot of his old vids, or rly liked his occasional cameos in a WillNE old vid, or whilst rewatching eboys vids... Ts is very glum just from a fan and viewer pov, all morality and other thoughts out the window.

Also a note, that a lot of my philosophy when it comes to this sort of "Influencer alleged of assault" does come from ArthurTV + This msg on Discord:

(referencing Lewis being an alleged groomer + ATV's response being to support victims but take everything with a pinch of salt)

So, Chaos Crew enjoyers and Imallexx fans around the Tumblrsphere...

What are your Thoughts???

[denmark-street]

While enjoying a largely positive reception, @RGalbraith's #TheRunningGrave is, like other #CormoranStrike novels, apparently being criticized for its length - that it's too long for "popular fiction." But, respectfully, I think this view is misguided. The criticism is in part "generic" -- that is, having to do with the genre of crime fiction. Conan Doyle wrote short stories, Agatha Christie novels are modestly sized. And readers have become accustomed to thinking that "poplular fiction" comprises short beach reads. But Wilkie Collins's pioneering works of English detective fiction like The Moonstone (1868) are nearly twice as long as Murder on the Orient Express. TS Eliot cited the length of Collins's work as one of its virtues, describing it as the first, the longest, and the best of modern English detective novels." Most importantly, @RGalbraith / @jk_rowling is not, it seems to me, setting out simply to write "popular fiction" - the #CormoranStrike series ought to be considered in the tradition of the Bildungsroman, or Coming-of-Age Novel which examines the psychological maturation of its central character(s). And a more just comparison would be the socially aware novels of Charles Dickens, whose "popular fiction" averaged in the hundreds of thousands of words! Bearing in mind that Dickens published in weekly and monthly serials, the salient point is that his "popular fiction" aimed to educate readers about what he believed were the urgent social issues of his time -- and so does @RGalbraith. In conclusion, #TheRunningGrave may be too long for you -- and that's fine. But with its keen spotlight on cults, crime, domestic violence, & so much more (I wish to avoid spoilers) it is for many of us NOT long enough... And could have been at least one chapter longer!

[reddogf13]

scene from fanfic in progress "pride & ruin"

its an alpha/ omega one, but without the usual domestic violence lore or the anatomy swappage. has way more fluff and on the lines of hurt/comfort. i call it alpha/omega for vanilla people or alpha/omega "diet flavor". this scene was also written down out of order, so some bits may change, but overall i like how it is.

---------------

Alcina stared into the destroyed mirror. The glow of her eyes caught in the reflection of the glass. Looking back at her miserable self sitting alone in the dark. Why am I not enough? Looking over her knuckles left bleeding from punching the vanity mirror. Was it worth it? … Well, Heisenberg is gone. Softly smiling about it. Her lovely landscape view was always tainted by the black smoke of Karl's running factory, but now no longer. No more meetings with him, or anyone. No one can call me useless, worthless, a disappointment. These are my lands now and I doubt Donna will challenge me for the title. She sighed at the dreadful feeling sinking in again. Ethan was still here, she wanted him to leave already. But wasn't about to chase him out. Why bother, to make the position available? Could I find another omega out there? Should I take the time to travel? She shut her eyes until a plik noise had her look down. Growling at her bloody side dripping down to the floor. Great, hate getting blood on the carpet. She stood from her small stool, Heading out into the darkened hall down to the large cleaning closet. Grabbing a handful of gauze rolls to return with.

Ethan had been wandering the dark castle for not too long. Having no goal of where to go, but hope his buzzing thoughts would be silenced. His sleep had been thrown off since after Miranda's death. Questioning weather it was anxiety or for other reasons. Alcina had left him alone since Donna gave his official rejection. He was expected to move on eventually, it be rude not to. Hogging an important omega position that another could take. He wanted to, it'd be better for him and rose if he did. Yet, a part of him was regretting his answer. Her scent was gone from the omega den. He missed the bonding talks, her gentle care to calm his nerves. He felt alone, even with the girls still happy to hang around. He avoided the alpha for as long as he could and now all he wanted was her attention.

He tossed and turned in his bed for hours. Moving rosemary to the nursery, thinking. No point in both of us going without sleep. Tossing and turning alone under the layers for a while longer. Tired of that he left the room to wander the castle. He stopped at a crossing hall when he heard her approaching steps. Shrinking slightly against the nearby wall when she came into view. It was the first time he'd ever seen her in more relaxed presentation. A short sleeved buttoned up nightshirt of varying grays that draped to her hips. Matching baggy pants went down to cover a pair of simple black slip on shoes. Her hair flowed down loosely into wavy curls ending at her shoulders. Her beauty captivated him, as always, into staying speechless. Keeping quiet when her eyes flicked onto him. A golden glow from them catching the minimal light.

Spotting him immediately in the darkness between them. She stopped to ask. “why are you up?”

he swallowed before answering. “couldn't sleep. … why are you?” trying not to over step in asking. He cast his eyes down from hers. He didn't know how she'd still be taking the rejection.

“Bandages. ... Do you need anything?”

“No, I'm fine.” Ethan studied her hands without their usual gloves for cover. He saw the start of her sharp black nails along with the oddity of her finger tips being black as if frost bitten. Maybe ts just an illusion from the shadows. Concerned about the fresh blood on her knuckles, but he didn't ask about it. carefully glancing over he did spot another concerning issue. The edge of a large bloody patch at her side. From his angle he couldn't tell exactly how big. A plip noise hit the cool marble floor, now marked by a drop of blood. Following where she came from he could see a small trail highlighted by the moonlit windows.

She glanced back just as he did. Scowling at the mess she was trailing. “you should return to bed.” stepping past the crossing halls to leave Ethan alone.

leaving the way she was had Ethan's anxiety spike. She cant be left like that. “can I help?” he offered before she got too far.

She stopped to looked back. “If you wish.” giving him the grace of catching up to her side before continuing.

[atopvisenyashill]

Honestly, it's also always braime shippers that believe Jaime won't be directly involved in Cersei's death because they feel like that would leave a stain on their ship's little romance... Everyone has their biases.

As for myself, I do think he will outlive her and finish his arc in the north, I just very much doubt he will only cause damage from afar. They will need to face eachother again, simply because it would be so unfulfilling from a storytelling point of view to leave all of their stuff unresolved. Especially when this is probably one of the most significant relationships in the series (it literally ignites the entire conflict).

"on their ship's lil romance" first of all, fuck off oh my god. second of all, i ship daemyra, i ship visaemon, i've been known to read a little sansan and jon/ygritte, do you think a little spousal murder or domestic violence is gonna stop me from shipping braime? get the fuck out of here and be serious lmao.

the importance of braime is not just "a lil romance" it is integral to the themes of the books. you can't make the argument that lannicest is one of the most significant relationships in the series and then ignore the fact that a) we do not get the PoV of either character until after Brienne comes into the picture because SHE is ultimately what ignites the conflicts in all three of their characters and b) the themes of knighthood, chivalry, oath keeping, and protecting the weak and innocent aren't also integral to the plot of the entire series when Jaime makes his iconic and character defining "they make you swear so many vows" speech while Brienne is standing there listening to him. If you want me to get into the annoying ass biases, I think it's misogynistic that people applauded the Braime ending of the show when it completely divorces Brienne (and the twins!!!) from the bulk of her story arc, and that chalking up Braime as "a lil romance" is a misogynistic way of undercutting the importance of her identity arc! I'm not discounting the importance of Lannicest, so let's not fucking start with this "my ship is more important than your ship" bullshit.

What I am actually saying is that people take a literal reading of the valonqar prophecy that does not apply to a single other prophecy in the entire series, and I find it perplexing, and annoying, the same way I find the digging in the heels defense of Aegon VI being the mummer's dragon to be perplexing and annoying. The whole series is setting up this idea that you can't trust prophecies and that knowing about a prophecy is often mentally damaging, but the fans (including D&D) just wholesale swallow both Cersei and Dany's opinions on their prophecies as correct and I don't buy that. I also never said the Lannister twins won't meet again. In fact what I said was:

Yeah, I’m well aware of that, I’m not saying he’s doing anything nice to her, i think he’ll have a hand (badum-ts) in her dying, probably enough to feel guilty over it too (plus whatever is happening with tyrion) but he’s not strangling her to death and I simply do not believe he’s dying right after either. What is he doing? no idea. they’re at casterly rock and he uses the last of the conditioner and then he leaves. i have no idea and I think people who are insistent that he HAS to murder-suicide his way out of the story are overconfident af about that ending.

AKA I think it's likely all three of the Lannisters are going to meet again at Casterly Rock, likely as its being destroyed. Of course they're going to meet again; no one serious denies that. But is he going to murder-suicide when they do? I am doubtful. In Jaime's mind, the last we see him, he considers himself effectively divorced from Cersei. He quite literally abandons her to die in a trial by combat to go play in the woods with Brienne. But I'm supposed to believe that he's still angry enough to go all crime of passion on her at this point? Nah son!! Just because he's going to "choke the life from her" does not literally mean he's going to actually choke the life from her, any more than Dany is going to literally fuck up some puppet dragon or Euron literally turned into a crow, munched on some seaweed, and perched on Jaqen's shoulder while Jaqen offed Balon.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

People who care more about tearing down someone who 'needs to be humbled' in the name of activism, dont actually give two sh*ts about the cause. Its clear their just giddy at being 'morally right' and being able able to tear someone down because 'no, THIS time, they deserve it!!!'

It not only doesnt help anything, its kind of f*cked up. Im not going to tell anyone who they should like/dislike. but when they start making it everyone else's problem, that pisses me off.

Literally I'm like anyone here ever volunteer at a domestic violence shelter? Taken a crow bar to hostile architecture? Gone to a protest?

[sajidhaji]

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[valleyledger]

BW NICE™ Announces 2022 Luncheon Theme, Program Lineup & Distinguished Guest

BW NICE™ Announces 2022 Luncheon Theme, Program Lineup & Distinguished Guest

Seventh Annual Fundraiser Benefits Third Street Alliance During Domestic Violence Awareness Month Now in its seventh year, The Lehigh Valley Business Women Networking Involving Charity & Education (BW NICE™) will hold The Red Shoe™ Luncheon and Fashion Show fundraiser on Friday, October 14th at 10am at Northampton Country Club. Designed and developed by –ts PR & Event Planning and Greene…

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

my 4AM yelling about the trial under the cut, sorry, I need to put these feelings somewhere and Tumblr is my personal private internet diary read by a thousand strangers

she had bruises and nobody believed her. like, I know this happens! I know this happens a lot! but it makes me insane.

she had bald patches where he pulled out her hair. he never pulled out my hair that bad, but.

"you'll get over it" or, my mother and other people who will never believe me.

she had bruises and records and everything and people are STILL saying "oh she's a terrible person, too."

there are survivors in your life and in your FUCKING doctor's offices. we see you! we see you calling her a terrible person.

how dare I see myself in this? she had bruises. I walked up a hill.

I am not a reliable narrator. I am not a believable witness. nobody will ever believe me, if it comes down to mattering. which it won't.

better never write that memoir. better not.

I have no right!!!

[awed-frog]

Hello! Thank you for your answer, it was a misunderstanding. I think most of my doubts came from the fact that it's not some mafia that kidnaps and marries off these poor girls, it's their closest family, someone they trust with their lives. I can't wrap my head around this, it's so heartbreaking. Women are told all their lives not to trust strangers, it's absolutely horrible the worst can come from the closest and most loved relatives. I'm slowly reading through the links and tags to educate myself and people around me better. And as for asking you - well. I consider you a very insightful and knowledgeable person, with patience of a saint ;) . Hopefully I can still turn to you in the future (and maybe not on anon, but I don't know, because I'm very shy).

Hello, thanks for writing back! I'm glad you're not angry anymore, and sure, I'd be happy to chat with you on PMs! :)

As for the rest, yeah. Generally speaking, a lot of awful crimes happen in the family, as rapists, abusers and so on are most often relatives, spouses or romantic partners. My guess is that sadly, it's just easier to hurt a family member because you have more access to them and more power over them, and victims are less likely to report anything because they love you and/or they fear damaging the family unit. You see this a lot with domestic violence, it's a tragic situation.

And then there are culturally-influenced abusive behaviours, which in my mind belong to a different category. I think people are often under a lot of pressure to protect 'the honour' of the family and do things the way they've 'always' been done, and sometimes they won't even realize the harm they're doing because they're victims themselves. That's how you get women forcing their daughters to undergo FGM, or a case like Yasmine's family. I have zero doubts Yasmine's mom was also married against her will - the grandmother's influence seemed out of proportion, which speaks volumes on the mother's agency and control over her life and her daughters' education - and ultimately came to see it as an okay thing. You hear this all the time. A woman can be content with an abusive marriage because her husband earns enough to have a decent life, or because he beats her 'only' from time to time, and mostly because she now has children and loves them and that's always a difficult mental exercise ("I wish I'd never met this man, but if I got my wish, my kids wouldn't exist").

(The obvious solution to that last one is "I can still leave my husband and take my children with me", but depending on your culture and upbringing, that's something that's really hard to imagine as a realistic option. As one woman trapped in an unhappy marriage once told me, "I'm happy you young women can enjoy life because now you have 'ladies' rights', I wish I'd known about them when I was young". When I pointed out she could divorce even at her age - she wasn't that old! - she just laughed at me.)

So anyway there's no easy solution here. When it comes to our own countries, I think it's important to insist on compulsory public education so children can see how other families behave and form their own opinions over what's normal and what's not, stop compromising on children's rights in the name of 'tolerance' and do more to reach out to women or families who're struggling. And when it comes to other countries, it's the usual thing - maybe stop supporting useful dictators and pay more attention to activists and human right supporters instead, even if it's less profitable.

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 15

♡ Chapter Inspo: The Archer; Lover (TS) - 'I wake in the night I pace like a ghost the room is on fire invisible smoke and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you'

♡ Summary: Carmy helps Winnie out of a nightmare, Winnie makes dinner for them, they read together and have some fun time on the roof to end Carmy's day off.

♡ W/C: 7,764

♡ Posted Date: 03/24/2024

♡ A/N: Helloooo! As promised, Here is the twin for C14! The second half of their night in together :) I hope you enjoy!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Domestic violence, Nightmares, Smut, panic attacks/talks of anxiety

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

His hand wraps tightly around my throat, gripping me so tightly that I’d have a handprint bruised into my flesh come morning. I tried everything I could to scream, my lungs and throat were burning as if I was, but absolutely no sound was coming out. 

Suddenly, I was back on the couch, Carmen knelt in front of me, gently shaking my leg, looking terrified and Ms.Mendoza my neighbor softly rubbing my arm as she sat by my side on the couch. 

“It’s only a bad dream nak” she said soothingly. I looked between them both with tear filled eyes. 

“I’m- I’m so sorry” I shook my head, sitting up, the embarrassment washing over me when I realized I was just having a nightmare.

“No, shh, it’s ok, it’s ok sunshine” Ms.Mendoza hugs me, rubbing my hair gently. “It’s why you gave me a key” she said and I nodded, sniffling a bit.  

She’d heard me having night terrors when I first moved in, she always made sure to do everything she could to wake me from them. I’d given her a key to my apartment in case of emergencies and things like this, I must have been screaming again.  

“Thank you, thank you” I whisper. Carm sits on my other side, rubbing my back gently. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here” he said softly and I turn to look at him. 

“Carmy- no. No. Don’t blame yourself this- these happen a lot. It’s just…it’s my ex and everything- Ms.Mendoza please go home, go relax yeah? Wheel of Fortune will be on soon” I told her, squeezing her arm gently. 

She nodded and picked her key up off the table, standing carefully from the couch and grabbing her cane.

“Get a good nights rest” she cupped my cheek and Carm, being the absolute angel he is, helped her back to her apartment to be sure she got in safely, before coming back, shutting the door and locking it behind him. 

I waited in the entry hall for him, and as soon as he shut the door I nearly fell in to his arms, holding him tight. “I’m so grateful you aren’t like him” I whispered into his shirt. 

He holds me tight, kissing the top of my head. “I’m glad you aren’t like her.” He mumbled into my hair, stroking my back gently. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you” I sniffled, closing my eyes and sighing softly. 

“Y’didnt, I was scared for you, not of you” he said, the timer for the food going off suddenly and I flinched.

 “ s’okay ” he said soothingly. I bit back the lump in my throat, taking deep even breaths and counting to 13. 

“Sorry” I mumble and he gently wiped my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“Don’t be” he cupped my cheek gently and nudged my chin to look up at him. “Got y’somethin, wanna see?” He gives a small shy smile. 

I raise my eyebrows, a tiny smile on my lips. “Whatd’ya do Bear” I asked softly. 

“Go look on the table” he nods towards the dining area that I hadn’t even paid mind to in the moment. 

I turned around, gasping lightly and looking up at him as if he’d gotten me the moon on a string, a large smile adorning my face. “Oh- oh. Hm. I thought” I put a hand on my hip. “You sir” I poke his chest playfully, earning a chuckle out of him. 

“Were not the - how did you put it? mmm?” I hum, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. 

“‘Mmm I forget” he teased “I just know that my honey had a hard day, and I like to make her feel good” he leaned in, kissing me sweetly and reaching down, grabbing my bum and squeezing. 

I hum gently, leaning my hips in to his and pressing our chests flush, feeling how wet his hoodie was and pulling away. “Baby” I said softly, pushing down his hood and gently brushing through his hair. 

He quickly takes the opportunity to kiss my neck in hot, open mouth kisses. “Hm” he hummed, his thumbs trailing up and hooking in my panties. 

“You’re all wet, and cold, you’ll get sick, cmon” I said, giggling as he bites the fleshy spot between my neck and my shoulder and grumbling playfully like an animal. 

“And seemingly a very hungry Bear” I said, causing him to laugh into my skin, all of my previous panic and fear melting away like snow on a spring morning.  

“I am cold, but Y’re warmin’ me up” he muttered in to my neck, nuzzling his cold nose into my skin.

I kissed his jaw gently, leaving a trail of kisses next to his ear. “You can wear my comfy, you’ll look adorable” I offered, trailing my hands under his hoodie and squeezing his hips. 

“The fuck is a comfy” he rests his chin on my shoulder, looking at me from the side. 

I giggled at the awkward angle. “A blankey hoodie. You’re shivering, bear. I feel it. Cmon” I laced our Fingers together, kissing his icy feeling digits. 

He sighed softly “fine.” He muttered as I drag him to my bedroom, tugging at his his hoodie to which he obliged by raising his arms and I pulled it off him in one swift motion. 

I kissed each of his moles from his jaw to his neck, lingering on the last near his collarbone. “Don’t need a sick bear” I mused, gently running my palms up his abs. 

“Y’have a drawer y’know?” I mused, opening the second to bottom drawer of my dresser swiftly, tugging out  my baby pink blanket hoodie, handing it to him 

“A drawer mm?” he hummed and he takes the offer of my outstretched hand to pull me into a heated kiss, running his tongue over my bottom lip like a man starved. 

I giggle into his lips, opening my mouth for him and humming as I feel his tongue swipe across mine slowly, relishing in the taste of me. I sucked on his tongue gently and he moaned into my mouth, squeezing my ass and spanking me gently causing the smile on my lips to grow. 

“Foods gonna burn” I said softly when I disconnected our lips, he pulls me into another kiss running his hands up my hips, squeezing roughly. 

I let a squeak of discomfort out, gently disconnecting our lips. “Gentle, Bear, please” I whispered, nuzzling our noses together gently. “My hip…it’s sore, like all the time…but especially when it rains” I said softly. 

He quickly eased his grip, rubbing soothingly over the ache and kissing my chin. “ ‘M’sorry baby.” He muttered, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. 

“Shh..s’okay. I-“ I swallowed thickly, “it’s me. It’s my fault”  I kissed his jaw gently and I felt him sigh softly beneath my touch. 

“It’s not a fault..never say that, honey” he gently runs his digits up the small of my back and drags his nails across my skin, causing me to shiver slightly beneath his touch. 

“Put this on” I said softly, pushing the blanketed hoodie into his chest, pulling away. “I’m gonna go plate up dinner, mm?” I pecked his lips sweetly, holding his hand until I got to the door and gently let it go. 

“Yeah..thank you- f’r..f’r cookin’ for us” he said, unfolding it and slipping it over his head. 

He looked adorable just like I knew he would. The hoodie was meant to be massively oversized, so it swallowed him the same way it did me. He pushes the oversized hood down, his sandy blonde curls ruffled by the action. 

“See this. I get not wearin’ pants. But y’re always wearin’ my shirts and no pants, babe. I dunno how you don’t freeze” he teased, wrapping his arms around me, gently kissing my neck. 

“Mmm…What got int’you Bear” I mutter, gently weaving his curls between my fingers and he stopped for a moment as I scratch his scalp, fingers gently tracing lazy circles into my flesh. 

“Why- thought y’love bein’ touched, Angel” he reached his hand underneath my heat, gently rubbing my clit between his middle and ring fingers, causing a gasp to escape my lips in lew of an answer. 

I felt my knees weaken, a soft whimper leaving my lips as I leaned back into his chest, my cheek mushed into his shoulder in bliss. “Mmm? Y’don’t like it when I touch you pretty girl?” He purred in my ear, slowly circling his fingers in the way that made me whine.

My knees shook with pleasure, he must have realized because his other arm was suddenly securely locked around my waist, leaving soft supple kisses over my collarbone. “Yes-yes…b-but dinner Carmy” I whimpered, “it’s gonna burn baby, but can we- let’s keep this going after we eat, yeah?” I said softly.

He gently nips my skin, easing the ache with his tongue quickly before leaving a languid kiss over the spot. “Fine. Go get our dinner chef” he teased and I giggled a bit, kissing his nose gently before heading off into the kitchen. 

He follows behind me, leaning on the counter as I bent over with the oven mits taking the dish out of the oven. “Mm. I should have you cook more often. But only if I get to watch” he mused as I set the bubbling dish on the stovetop, nudging the oven door closed with my hip. 

“Why’s that? You haven’t even tried it yet” I asked, grabbing 2 plates out of the cupboard and I felt his arms around my waist, rubbing over the exposed patch of my stomach that showed when I lifted my arms to grab the dishes. 

“Cause you look really good bent over an oven” he said lowly, kissing the back of my neck gently. 

I giggled “what has gotten into you baby” I hum, spooning 2 tomatoes onto each plate. 

“Nothin’ I just love being here with you” he said simply, playing with the elastic of my panties between his fingers. 

“I think you secretly love being cared for” I said, causing him to chuckle into my skin lightly. 

“Is that it?” He kisses the spot below my ear sweetly. 

“Oh” I giggled, looking at him so he could see my glasses had become all fogged. He snorts a laugh, taking them off me. 

“There you are. I can imagine with these cooking can be very inconvenient” said and I nodded a bit. 

“Yup. But it's better then my eyes being so dry that my contact falls out into a pot of boiling water. That wasn’t fun” I laughed, turning to him and offering him his plate. “F’the best Bearfriend” I teased with a giggle. 

He chuckled, taking the plate “bearfriend huh?” I opened the drawer handing him a fork and knife. 

“Mmhmm! Cause you say you don’t do well at being a boyfriend, and you’re good at being a sassy bear. So, Bearfriend.” I smiled and he leaned in, kissing my lips sweetly. 

“Y’cute, thank you f’dinner angel, really” he said before hissing me again. I hum happily, gently cupping his cheek. 

“Of course” I said softly when I pulled away. “You should let me make stuff for you more often, it’s not fair you’re always the one cookin’” I grab my plate and sit with him at the table. 

“Oh it’s not fair I do my job. It’s ok baby like I said, I love cookin’ f’you. You know you don’t have to pick stuff off the menu right? I can make you anything. It’s easy cause we have the big kitchen at work” he said and I put my glasses back on so I could see much more clearly. 

“But still. I know your back hurts you. You need to be resting more” I said, cutting up my tomatoes to let them cool a little but he goes right for it. Cutting a piece and eating it even though steam was still pouring off of his plate. 

“It does- but wow babe. Great job. I haven’t had this in a while. Y’don’t give y’rself enough credit, you know your way around the kitchen.” He said, causing me to blush. 

“Oh stop it. You’ve eaten the best food in the world, my stuff can’t compare to that” I said, blowing on my fork before taking a bite. “But Grams recipe is really good” I agree with a proud smile. 

“Mm no one’s does, baby. Those assholes…” he shook his head lightly. “It’s not even worth it. The way it tastes for the bullshit it goes into it” he said, taking another bite. “I’d eat this over that. Anytime” he said and I held his hand, gently lacing our fingers and pressing it to my lips. 

“I’m glad you aren’t there anymore. They don’t deserve someone as sweet as you” I said, blush creeping into his cheeks. 

“Thats why I can’t be there” he drops my hand, looking down at his plate. 

I pouted a bit “how do you mean baby?” I asked softly, putting my fork down. 

“I- I’m too fuckin….” He sighs deeply, tapping his leg under the table. “I-I take shit too hard like. I dunno. I’m a fuckin-“ he shook his head lightly, swallowing thickly. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, Winnie.” He muttered. 

“Carmy…you said it yourself. Those guys are fucking assholes. They- they hurt you. You aren’t that way, I know you don’t want to hurt people. So the fact that you care about yourself, you care about the way you’re spoken to? That sets you apart from them, baby.” I gently rub his arm. “Don’t let their stupid bullshit ruin our super awesome dinner, yeah? You’re a way better chef than them anyways.” I added, gently taking his hand again and he squeezed it. 

“Thank you, baby.” His eyes met mine again and he leaned in, kissing me softly and gently cupping my chin.

When we finished dinner, he insisted on doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. ‘The cook never cleans’ he insisted, which made me giggle considering I’d found him before after closing, on his hands and knees scrubbing the grout of the kitchen with a tiny brush. 

I still managed to convince him to allow me to sit on the counter, drying the dishes as he washed them. “So in school, what was your favorite class? Was it home ec? That’s what they called cooking class in my school.” I asked as I dried off one of our plates. 

“Yeah, I only got it in high school though. But it was more like…the only class I was advanced in I guess? Cause they only really showed us how to do really simple shit. And alotta the other kids struggled, but I grew up in a restaurant so.” He shrugged, “liked it cause it was the only class I didn’t look like an idiot” he hands me the bowl he’d rinsed and I poke his ribs with my foot. 

“Carmy. You’re like the smartest man I know. No one was that smart in high school. Also- math and science are totally hard. I was only good at English and history, and in home ec I burned pasta.” I giggled, taking the bowl and he rolls his eyes playfully. 

“Yeah sure. But I see all y’r books n’ stuff. Y’re actually smart. I just. I’m smart in the kitchen, not really anywhere else. But it’s ok, cause all I need for my job is the talent I already have” he shrugged a bit, working on the dish I’d cooked the tomatoes in. 

“Well you could read, y’know? I’m not smart because I read. I’m smart- well you think I’m smart - even though I don’t think I am, because I choose to read. You can read baby, very well. Cooking is a lot of reading, And you’re better at math then you think you are. Converting recipes can go really wrong and Syd says you can literally do it in your head. I know you don’t have a lot of time but why don’t we read?” I ruffle his hair playfully. 

“I honestly…can’t remember the last time I actually sat and like…read. Without being forced? But uh…sure. You have any recommendations?” He asked and my face lit up. 

“Really? Really? You’ll read? With me? Like- today? Together?” I asked excitedly and he looks over at me, brow raised in confusion. 

“Yes? Of course baby, If it’ll make you happy then I’d love to-“ I cut him off with a deep kiss, pulling him close and curling my fingers in his hair happily, smiling into the kiss. 

“Thank you, thank you. None of my friends read and I’ve been dying to just sit and read with someone” I rest my forehead on his, kissing the balls of his cheeks with short butterfly kisses. 

He chuckled a bit “baby of course. I’m sorry angel we could’ve done this sooner- I didn’t know you like it that much” he said, shutting off the water since he was finished with the dishes. I wrapped my legs around him like a koala, kissing his forehead sweetly. 

“It’s my favorite thing, next to you, of course. In this world currently, my favorite pass times are spending time with you and then, reading” I smiled, kissing his brow bone and he hummed, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck and kissing the skin gently. 

“Wow so you get two of your favorite things t’day? What a lucky girl” he eased me forward, gently lifting me off the counter. “Where to baby?” He pecked my chin. 

“The luckiest girl- To the library!” I giggled, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck and he padded over to the door, nudging it open with his hip. 

“Alright. Here we are” he set me down gently and I went over to one of the shelves, gently brushing my finger over the titles as I looked over them. 

“So what are you feeling baby? Somethin scary, fantasy, I have a lot of self help books, oo!” I pluck one of my favorites off the shelf. “The Body Keeps Score - this is a great one baby. I learned so much about my panic attacks and stuff from this. But I get it if you don’t wanna think about that today” I offered it to him and he took it from my hands, thumbing through the pages adorned with tabs where I’d annotated things that stuck out to me. 

“What are the little flags?” He questioned, opening to one of the pages with a few of them. 

“They coordinate to highlighter colors. So this one I have pink blue and green, pink means something that I like- really resonated with and it made pieces click for me. Blue is science stuff where the author explains why you feel the way you feel, and then green is stuff that I genuinely don’t understand and want to go back and research more myself. You can just ignore them I’ve read this book a lot so it’s really marked up.” I said and he nodded, looking over the back. 

“Okay, yeah, I’ll do this one” he nodded. 

“Perfect! Oh I’m so excited for you to read it Carmy. I really think it’ll help you, okay sooo” I tap my chin as I turned back to the shelf. “Mmm” I hum as I took out one of my books that I was still stuck in the middle of. “You’ll inspire me to keep going. I’m getting bored in this one but the beginning was really good, I’ll do this one” I said and went over to the pile of blankets and pillows on the floor in the nook of the room next to the window. 

“Why are you still reading it if it sucks now?” He questioned, sitting down and leaning up against the wall. I laid down on his chest, looking up at him. 

“Cause like I said- the beginning was fire. I’m just bored now because they’re doing world building. But it’s necessary for the story.” I said, opening to the page I’d left on and setting my hot pink ‘Bad Bitches are Bookworms’ bookmark on his thigh. 

He huffs a laugh, my head moving at the action and I look up at him “yes?” I giggle a bit. He shook his head with a grin. 

“bad bitches are bookworms- perfect bookmark for you” he pecks my lips before sitting back and opening the book to the first page.

“Yes! And you’re part of the bad bitch club now, welcome to your initiation” I joked, tucking my knees up and resting the book on my thighs as I read.

“Sorry- did you…” he started after a few moments. “Sorry- sorry..I’ll shut up sorry for interrupting” he blushed and I smiled a bit, poking his cheek.

“Ask me baby, thats the point of reading together- especially books like that, It’s easier to process with someone you trust” I said and rested rub his leg gently.

“It says- like” he cleared his throat nervously. “Did- did you- like…do you have any alcoholics in your family?” he asked and I nodded. 

“My uncles, My grandpa, My Aunt Sue, she actually died from liver failure My mom was on the downward slope when I left. I don’t keep big bottles around cause I’m already genetically at risk and don’t trust myself. Why, you know an alcoholic?” I asked, resting the book on my tummy so I wouldn't lose my spot and lacing my fingers together.

“Yea- uh…Yeah..” he said, his eyes flicking back to the book, continuing to read without saying anything else. 

“It’s true, what they say- one in four” I said, continuing to read my own book.

It was about 15 pages of my own book before he spoke again, “Babe-” he snorts a laugh and I look up at him “This is making me feel like more of a pussy- this whole first chapter is about guys who went to fuckin war and shit - so why am I relating to how they feel? I keep askin’ myself, what the fuck would I have done if I had to go do shit like that when I can barely handle the training I went through to be a chef?” he asks bluntly and I sit up on my elbow, looking at him.

“I relate to them, too. Their nightmares, how they feel they failed their plattoon because they survived - the part about the guy saying he refused to take pills that would eliminate his nightmares that had been plaguing him- because even though it was torture- it was the only time he got to see his brothers. His best friends. Thats how I feel about Chris. If- if…if its just- the accident, in my nightmares, or never seeing him? Ever again? I will never let him go. It’s- it’s like he said…like a gravesite almost. You’re keeping them alive even if it’s at the cost of your sanity in a way. Am I a pussy, Carmen?” I asked.

He shook his head, gently cupping my cheek and rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone. “No. No, honey. I-I get it…I get that.” he nods, “I-I dunno…I just felt bad..’cause I…” he looked down at the page he’d been reading. “This guy…he said he wants t’love his family, and he-he can’t and that’s how I felt when I came home” he said quietly, his hand dropping to his lap and nervously playing with the sleeve of the sweatshirt.

“Because- y’re probably afraid to lose them.” I held his wrist, gently squeezing. “Y’lost Mikey, and sometimes our brain tells us if we freeze everyone out and let ourselves be numb, that if there's a next time- it won't hurt so bad. Y’re protecting yourself, Carmy.” I rub his wrist soothingly. 

He nods a bit, looking down at me. “I really don’t wanna lose you, Win” he said quietly, putting his book down and pulling me into his lap. I settled my knees next to his hips, sitting down comfortably on his thighs and wrapping my arms around his neck, hugging him close.

“ ‘Mnot goin’ anywhere, never ” I kiss his jaw gently and nuzzled my face in his neck. He let out a small satisfied sigh, wrapping his arms around my back and rubing slow languid strokes up and down my spine. 

“I promise I’ll try to not fuck up, I really love this Win” he mumbled into my skin, leaving sweet lingering kisses on my collarbone.

“Baby, we’re both gonna fuck up. But you’ve already proven that y’re willing to push yourself to be together, that’s enough for me to not just give up and leave” I look at him, gently pushing his curls out of his eyes and combing my fingers through his hair.

His eyes fluttered shut, gently kissing my forearm when it brushed his face as I raked my nails over his scalp. “It’s…easy with you” he said softly, pushing his hands under his shirt I was wearing and ever so gently rubbing his hands over my hips.

“Whats easy baby” I asked, pressing little kisses all over his face

“Talkin’ t’you..I know thats weird- sorry” he blushed a bit and I smiled at his shyness, placing a sweet kiss to his lips.

“No, it just means were good Carmy, it’s easy to talk to you too.” I cupped his cheeks gently, kissing his browbone lightly. 

“Is it-” his eyes flutter open, looking at me “Is it like…weird that I’m like…” he blushed, smiling shyly. “Kinda..turned on right now” he asked quietly and I giggled, rolling my eyes playfully.

“No, it’s so sweet baby- you like being close, theres nothing wrong with that.” I gently play with a curl at the base of his neck. “I can always go for some playtime with you especially, you ever hooked up on a roof before?” I kissed his neck with hot open mouth kisses, gently taking the skin between my teeth.

“Fuck babe- no, I-I haven’t won’t people see?” he questioned and I sat up, looking out the window. 

“No- well, we like to fool around a lot so the sun will probably be down before you fuck me” I said, connecting my lips to his neck once again and running my hands up the front of the hoodie, relishing in the feeling of his muscled skin beneath my touch.

“W-what if someone comes up?” he stutters as my hand finds its way into the waistband of his sweatpants, lightly rubbing over his hardening length.

“No one goes up there, baby. It’s for maintenance the only thing up there is the water pumps and the AC shit. C’mon- wont it be fun and romantic to fuck with the sun setting behind us?” I kissed his jaw gently, rubbing my thumb over his tip clothed by his boxers, earning a hot whine from him. 

“Fuck, fuck- fine, c’mon” he squeezed my ass telling me to get up and I giggled happily, Getting up and going over to my room quickly putting on sweatpants and a hoodie, Carmy comes to the room as well, slipping the pink blanket hoodie over his head and tossing it to the bed.

“What? Y’dont think its cute?” I teased and he chuckled, grabbing his plaid brown jacket and buttoning it so you couldnt tell he didn’t have a shirt on underneath.

“I’m takin’ my shirt back once I get it off you” he said, slipping his sneakers on and I put on my moccasin shoes grabbing my keys from my purse.

“And guess what, I’ll rob you back tonight when you take it off for bed” I kissed his lips on my way out of the bedroom, grabbing his hand and pulling him with me to the front door. 

“It’s a win win f’me I love you wearin’ my stuff baby, it’s just when y’leave me naked, thats when it’s a problem” he teased, holding me from behind as I locked the door.

“A problem for who? I mean..you I guess if it’s cold, but every girl in this building should be thanking me - the chance of seeing you shirtless is like- a golden opportunity of eye candy” I mused, lacing our fingers together as I led him to the stairs at the end of the hall, bouncing up the 6 steps that led to the roof and pushing the door open.

He chuckled, following me up the steps. “Wow” he said softly when he saw the view of the sunset. 

“Feel free to smoke, I need to” I said, pulling my little preroll tin out of my pocket and sitting down on the stone ledge of the roof, dangling my other leg off the side of the building like I usually did when I was up here. 

“Woah- ok, don’t like that, honey. A strong breeze could come and knock you off” he said seriously, sitting behind me and securely wrapping his arm around my waist, causing me to laugh. 

“Oh my god Carm, Sure- i’m not 5 foot but im surely over 100 pounds, i’m fine I do this all the time” I said, leaning into his chest nonetheless and resting my head on his shoulder.

He wrapped his arm around my waist after he got his cigarette lit, gently rubbing over my ribs with his palm.”Mmm’ still not feelin’ good ‘bout it. I’ll stay here, thanks” he mused, taking a drag and blowing it away from us.

“It’s nice up here, quiet” he said after a few beats of silence, squeezing my side gently.

I nodded a bit against his shoulder, taking a drag of my preroll. “Favorite part about spring is the sun sets at 8, so I come up here after dinner and will read until its too dark. It’s what sold me on this place, even though I can hardly afford it. Fuckin’ therapy and shit“ I muttered, ashing my joint over the ledge before taking another drag.

“Why? Y’boss not payin’ y’enough baby?” he questioned, rubbing over my hip gently.

“No- no…he probably pays me too much if i’m honest..the uh- the therapy? It’s like… its a special kind of therapy, but insurance doesn’t cover it, so I dump alot- most of my money into it…But its the only thing that keeps me like…sane- so. I just deal with it.” I shrugged a bit, taking another long drag. 

“Well…y’can always live w’me” he kissed my neck gently and I giggled, poking his cheek. 

“Carmy. You’ve known me all but a month.” I smiled, resting my hand over his that had made home on my stomach. 

“Mmhmm? And?” He questions, causing me to giggle. “You can be my little decorator. I could use some help, my house is like…empty other then necessities” he chuckled into my skin and I look back at him. 

“Don’t tell me you’re living like a frat boy” I teased, taking a drag. “Is that why I haven’t been over your house? Please tell me you at least have pillowcases baby” I said and he blushed, looking away. 

“Ok- I do. But. They’re dirty and I took them off and haven’t washed them cause I don’t sleep in my bed” he smiled sheepishly and I laughed. 

“No wonder you sleep like a brick whenever you’re over here. We need to go shopping baby, you can’t depend on me for a good night sleep. What’s gonna happen when I go to The Hamptons this summer for my Nanny Job?” I questioned and he froze, looking down at me seriously. 

“Where? Wait- what?” He sits up a bit and I turned around, facing him. 

“I didn’t tell you? Yeah I- I take a break off of therapy for 8 weeks during the summer to go nanny for this family. I’ve been doin’ it since like- I was 16? 17? Somethin like that. It’s like- the most money I make all year.” I said, ashing my joint. 

“When do you leave?” He questioned, grabbing my other hand and lacing our fingers together. 

“May 20th, I come back July 15 because they do this summer camp thing until August before school. I’m sorry baby…I’ve been doin’ it for so long I guess I forgot to mention it.” I said, rubbing the back of his hand gently. 

“Y’really leavin baby? F’r…8 whole weeks? That’s- that’s too long.” He pouted a bit, squeezing my hand. 

“Mmhmm. 8 whole weeks. I think it’ll be good, missin’ eachother isn’t all bad. Just think of how good the sex will be when I come home. And now nice it’ll feel to cuddle again.” I kiss his lips gently. 

“Well now I’m gonna be sad” he wrapped his arms around me, kissing my jaw. “How can I enjoy this time with you I feel like there’s a fuckin…a fuckin’ timer over my head now. What if you…” he sighs softly. “What if you meet someone there?” He mutters and I smiled a bit, putting out the butt of my joint on the stone and getting up, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulling him into my chest. 

“Baby I’m gonna be counting the days to come back to my best bearfriend ever. I’m not gonna have eyes for anyone else, promise” I said and he flicked the rest of his cigarette off the roof, wrapping his strong biceps around my thighs and lifting me up causing me to giggle. 

“How am I gonna manage t’remember to take a break without you honey” he wraps my legs around his hips, resting me against the brick wall and kissing my jaw, nipping gently. 

I hum happily, resting my head back and eyes fluttering shut. “Well for starts, don’t think y’getting rid of me, I’ll be calling and we’ll be talking same time we hang out.” I gently scratch his scalp with my nails earning a satisfied soft moan from him. 

“I was hoping so, and what am I gonna do not being able to play with these f’what. 2 months?” he pushes my hoodie up, exposing my breasts to the chilly evening air, causing my nipples to perk up. 

“You have an imagination Carm- oh god” I breathe out, my eyes fluttering shut as he flicks his tongue over my nipple, gently kissing over the sensitive bud, playing with my jewelry with his tongue before taking it in between his teeth and tugging gently. 

I whine out, my back arching into his touch “mmm- fuck Carmy that feels so fucking good” I whine as he pulls at my nipple with his teeth, pulling away with a pop an looking up at me hotly as he flicks his tongue over the bud, every touch going straight to my core. 

“God - fuck- you’re so fucking sexy” I said as he sucks more of my breast in his mouth, massaging the other with his hand angling his hips to keep me sat on the wall. “Fuck- need you Bear. The- the fuckin” I point fervently. “Shit. The ac boxes. Fuck me please” I begged, tugging his hair gently. 

He gently lifted me further on his hips, walking over to them and laying me on top, pulling me to the edge and tugging my sweatpants down, “sit up” he orders and put the sweatpants under my head as a makeshift pillow when I obliged. 

I laid back comfortably “y’sure baby?” He asked and I nodded. 

“Always, c’mere” I rested on my elbows and connected our lips once again, opening my mouth for him and moaning a bit when I felt him drag his fingers over my now soaked panties. 

“Shit baby” he muttered, holding his fingers up to where I could see they were glistening with my arousal. I took his hand, slipping his fingers in my mouth and looking up at him to gauge his reaction. I swirled my tongue around the digits, moaning softly at the taste. 

“Holy fuck” he said softly, pushing his fingers further down my throat, he hummed in satisfaction when I swallowed around them, my eyes fluttering shut in bliss. “Good fuckin girl” he grumbled, pulling his fingers out and pushing my panties to the side, rubbing my clit in quick circles. 

My head dropped back, foot coming up to balance on the edge to spread my legs wider. He took my foot, resting it on my shoulder and kissing my ankle as he slipped one finger in. I whine in pleasure as he curled, in search of that special spot. 

“Yes- yes fuck- I’m good I’m so good- say it again Carmy” I moaned out, one hand travelling down and rubbing my clit as he added another finger, pumping his wrist faster, wet lewd squelching noises getting louder as I got wetter and wetter. 

“My good girl. Y’re my good girl, angel” he said hotly in my ear, humming proudly when I writhe and squirm beneath him as he curls his fingers against my gspot, my legs beginning to shake and core tightening. “Thaaaats it honey good fuckin’ girl. Cum on my fingers princess” he mumbles into my neck, holding me up against him with his other forearm, our chests flush together as he leaves a mark on my neck. 

“Ah- I’m- yes bear!” I squeak out, my eyes squeezing shut and mouth dropping in bliss as that line in my middle that had been winding higher and tighter snaps. Fireworks of pleasure shooting from my core through my legs and stomach up through my chest as he works me through my orgasm, thighs shaking and strings of swears, praises, and whines leave my lips all jumbled and slurred. 

He removed his fingers, causing me to whimper at the loss of sensation, and my eyes fluttered open to see he was sucking on the 2 fingers that had just been inside of me, eyes shut in pure bliss. “Holy fuck Carmy.” I said, my core twitching at the absolutely sinful sight. 

“Sorry- y’taste fuckin amazing babe.” He said and I nod in agreement. 

“It’s fucking hot- can I taste? C’mere” I tug his collar and he gives me a devilish grin. 

“Yeah? Y’wanna taste yourself sweet girl? Open” he said. My cheeks heat, thinking he was gonna stick his fingers in my mouth again. I shut my eyes expectantly, and moan when I felt him grab my face and a hot large drop of saliva fall onto my waiting tongue. 

My eyes fluttered open, looking up at him surprised. “Sorry- should I have asked?” He blushed a bit. I closed my mouth, enjoying the taste of us both for a moment before swallowing. 

“Please do that every time you eat me out. I’m on fucking fire right now, Carmy, fuck- I’ve never even thought about that holy shit. Can you do it again?” I asked, opening my mouth and looking up at him pleadingly.  

He chuckled a bit, “greedy girl” he said, growing quiet for a moment as he gathers more saliva before leaning in and spitting it into my awaiting mouth. I smiled gratefully, sticking out my tongue to let him see before swallowing it happily. 

“Fuck every time I think somethin’ll freak you out you prove me wrong, little weirdo” he teased and kissed me hard, I giggled into his mouth, gently tugging his curls between my fingers.

“Mm- nothin’ you could do would ever freak me out, the weirder the better” I gently push his sweatpants down enough so his cock sprung free, tip glistening with precum. “Not the only one who’s excited mm?” I teased, running my forefinger up the throbbing vein that ran underneath it- giggling a bit when it jumps at my touch. “Sensitive are we?” I teased and he pushed my shoulders so I’d lay back. 

“Y’re in no position t’be teasin’ about sensitive” he pushed the head of his cock between my heat and my panties, rubbing himself through my wetness. I moaned out, realizing the platform I was laid on was the perfect height for our hips, so Carmy wouldn't have to bend at some uncomfortable looking angle.

“Oh- fuck - wow Carm- that feels fuckin amazing holy shit” my head drops back onto my sweatpants, whining as the tip of his cock runs over my clit. 

“Fuck- these are fuckin’ soaked honey” he pulled my panties to the side, lining himself up and pushing the tip in. I whined out, grabbing his hand to ground myself at the stretch.

“S-so big” I whimper, my back arching and hips eagerly lifting to try and bury more of him inside of me.

“Y’can take it, my good girl- you love takin’ this cock, mmm?” he said and I laid there, already fucked dumb, jaw dropped, nodding stupidly.

“Yes- yes- i’m yours” I manage to whine out, moaning loudly when he shoves up my sweatshirt and takes my nipple into his mouth again, sucking on it roughly as he thrusts deeper into me. I clenched around him, already feeling that cord in my middle becoming tight once again. Only he could bring me to the edge this fast.

“Yeah? Y’mine baby? Mm?” He hoists my other leg onto his shoulder, holding up my hips and head falling back in bliss as he bottoms out, thrusting in to me with short hard strokes, each one the head of his cock driving into my gspot, causing my eyes to roll back and grunts of pleasure to leave my throat.

He chucked a bit, snapping his hips quicker causing me to squeak in pleasure, my back arching up harder letting out sobs of pure ecstasy. “I-I’m coming i’mcoming- fuck carmy i-ah!” I sqeak out, tears pricking my eyes as my second orgasm crashes over me, Carmen holding my hips still as he chases his own high.

“Fuck- ah- I’m s’close angel just, mmm shit-” he growls as my walls flutter around him, his thrusts becoming much sloppier and less consistent. 

“Yes- yesyesyes Bear - fuck- fucking cum in me please baby” I begged, lacing our fingers together and kissing his knuckles sweetly.

He rested his forehead on mine, kissing me deeply and groaning into my mouth as he spills inside of me, getting a few more hard thrusts in as he rides his high, panting hotly, gently wrapping my leg around his waist and pushing himself deeper causing me to whine into him, sucking on his tongue gently.

We made out like that until he was fully soft, his cock eventually slipping out causing me to whine at the sudden gaping empty feeling. “That was…fuck, Bear - like every time we fuck- you impress me more” I said, causing him to chuckle as he fixed his sweatpants and grabbed mine from behind me, gently helping me into them.

“Thanks? I guess? Did I like…suck the first time er’ somethin?” he questioned, causing me to laugh a bit.

“Fuck no baby, I mean like- you’re better then I’ve ever had. I-I didn’t like…realize I had a spit kink till you did that t’me. I love it. I’m like…still thinking about it.” I blushed a bit, moving over so he could sit next to me. 

“Thats a kink?” He questioned, taking his cigarettes out and lighting one, wrapping his other arm around me as he smoked.

“Mmhmm- I have a BDSM book, we should look at it together and learn some stuff. I haven't really looked at it too much, but I have a few pages dogeared for stuff I wanna try” I gently brushed his curls from infront of his eyes.

“I just thought I was a nasty fuck, I mean- I thought it was hot, like in porn- I saw this guy, he spits on his girls pussy ‘n stuff before he eats her out…I didn’t know if you’d like it- but dirty stuff is like…hot t’me I guess” he said and I smiled, resting my hand over his.

“You aren’t nasty- thats hot baby…I dunno why I never asked, what kind of porn do you like?” I rub my thumb over his fingers as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“Uh…well- real shit- they call it like.. amateur? Which feels weird t’me, but like…I don’t like scripted shit. I also don’t- Like..not in t’guys at all so I cant focus if im watching a girl get fucked if like all im seein’ is some guys dick. So- I usually watch like…girls getting of - er’ er like…getting eaten out. I dunno” he blushed, eyes fixed on the ground shyly.

“Thaats why” I giggle a bit and he looked at me, eyebrows scrunched together.

“Thats why what?” he questioned and I smile.

“You eat pussy like a fuckin champ- You must be takin’ tips without even realizing it. Really Carmy, y’re like- fuck - the way you eat pussy is insane- its..like the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen” I laughed a bit at how dramatic it sounded but it was nothing but truth.

“It’s not hard- y’just gotta pay attention is all. Can’t imagine its harder then suckin’ dick” he shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette.

I laughed a bit, eyebrows raised. “Sucking dick is crazy work- are you kidding? Theres virtually no reward other then the sexy noises you make. Other then that, im gagging and crying and choking on your dick, my chin is covered in spit- I probably look insane” I giggled and he shook his head.

“Ok, then maybe its not as hard, but- you look hot as fuck when y’suck me off. Are you kidding me baby? When you look at me and y’re eyes are all teary- its so fuckin sexy” he pulled me into a kiss and I smiled, relishing at the taste of smoke on his tongue.

I pulled away a bit, “You’re the only guy i’ve ever like..enjoyed going down on.” I kissed his chin gently and we both looked up as the door swings open and I rolled my eyes, just my luck.

“Oh- Uh, sorry. Gotta switch over the units from heat to cool, y’guys shouldnt be sittin up there anyway” he maintenance man said and I sighed, hopping off and taking Carms hand as we passed the man. 

“Careful- could be slippery over there sir” I joked, causing Carm to chuckle and squeeze my side with his hand as we walked back into the building.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡