#domesticated!bucky barnes x fem!reader

[imtryingbuck]

Never Giving You Up Again

~ gif not mine credit goes to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Reader is in an abusive relationship and calls Bucky (the man shes in love with) when something bad happens

Word Count: 1,436

Warnings: Angst. Domestic Abuse NOT BUCKY. Don’t read if it makes you uncomfortable. And the endings really bad – I’m sorry.

Masterlist

Staring at herself in the mirror Y/N didn’t recognise the person staring back. The blackish purplish bruise on her cheek was too dark and big to cover up, the open cut on her eyebrow stung ever so slightly. No matter how much it pained her seeing her own reflection, she simply couldn’t pull her eyes away.

It started four months in to their relationship, it was just a smack across the face which he apologised profusely for and the next day she had woken up to flowers and more apologies. A few months or so later the smacking turned to punches, punches turned to kicking, kicking turned to having objects thrown at her. At first there was a “reason” for the abuse she suffered, but now all she had to do was breathe in his direction and she would be on the receiving end of his rage.

He controlled every aspect of her life especially her food intake, she was so skinny now because of him. The reason for the most recent beating was because the woman he was interested in refused his advances, and because of that Y/N was black and blue with cuts littering her very slim frame.

During the meal she had prepared for him she sat in her usual spot - the floor - whilst he ate and spoke about his shift at work, she paid no attention until “we arrested the prick, he beat his wife up! He beat his pregnant wife up and had the audacity to tell us it was her fault! Y/N he blamed her that prick!” It was ironic that he was calling another abuser a prick but when he did the exact same thing to her, it was out of love.

Later on that night he was getting mad at the football game that was on, his team was losing and she knew she was going to be punished.

After the game had ended the only sounds that filled the apartment was the muffled cries and pleading and the sounds of his fists plummeting down on her timid body. Bless his poor little heart, his fists started to hurt but his anger was still at full force, so he made his way to the bedroom to grab his “favourite” belt. On his was he kicked her in her chest.

She knew, she knew that if she didn’t get away she was not going to survive and with his finding the belt she managed to drag her frail body into the kitchen, surprising herself with the strength she had left of pulling her body up against the counter to grab the knife. She was going to end it all.

His footsteps echoed loudly in the now quiet apartment, he stops and stares at her with nothing but fire in his eyes. “Whatcha gonna do with the knife bunny? Huh? Gonna stab yourself? You wish bitch! I’m the one that gets to kill you!” And then he lunged himself at her. Letting out a scream with her eyes closed she felt warm liquid on her dominant hand, slowly opening her eyes she sees him gasping for breath, his eyes darting back and forth between her eyes and her hand, where the knife was wedged in his stomach. It’s felt like forever with them both looking at the knife until she finally pushed him backwards. They both fell to the ground at the same time.

Y/N couldn’t take her eyes from him even long after his chest stopped rising and falling. Before she knew it the sun had made an appearance, decorating the destroyed space in a warm orange, rosy hue. The pain throbbing her entire body faded rather quickly and was replaced with panic. She murdered her boyfriend, albeit he was abusive but mutrdered him nonetheless. 

Pulling up her weaken form of the ground she took fearful steps to where she knew her phone was, picking it up with shaking hands she dialled the only number she knew off by heart.

“Hello… Y/N? You there doll?”

“H-hi I know we hav-haven’t spoken in a while but B-Bucky I need your help”

“Where are you doll?”

“My um my apartment”

“I’m on my way okay, don’t worry”

Not even 5 minutes later there was a knock at the door which made her jump, when she gathered what little strength she had left, she opened the door. Standing in the hallway was the only man she was ever in love with, the first person to ever break her heart - not that he meant to - the man who she hadn’t seen nor spoken to in two and a half years. Bucky.

Oh and the rest of the avengers was standing behind him.

His face dropped and paled at the sight before him - the only woman he was ever in love with, the first person to break his heart, the woman he hasn’t seen nor spoken to in two and a half years. But this woman wasn’t necessarily the same woman who captured his heart the second he laid eyes on her. No, no this was a woman covered in blood, bruises and cuts. Whose eyes held so much pain and terror. 

Stumbling a little bit and refusing to pull his eyes away from her “baby wh-what happened”

“I-I-I-I ki-killed him Bucky didn’t mean to I swear just wa-wanted him to sto-p” Her whole body shuck whilst stuttering, trying to get the words out without spluttering was extremely difficult for her to do with the tears pouring out and a hiccup here and there.

“Breathe doll! Baby calm down it’s okay I’m here, don’t worry”

At her confession Tony and Steve pushed everyone into the once cosy apartment, they all saw the chaos, blood and finally the body of the man they all hated. Bucky gently took Y/N hand in his and made his way to the bedroom with the team trailing behind, he sat her down on the bed and knelt in front of her. Once she had finished telling them what she had been through the past few years and what she had done to him in the early hours, there wasn’t one single dry eye. The anger radiating off the team was justifiable.

Steve made Bucky and Wanda take Y/N back to the tower and get Dr Cho to take care of her wounds, whilst the teams stayed to clean up the mess.

It was late in the afternoon her body laid in the hospital that seemed way too big for her, she slept peacefully. Bucky had refused to leave her side and held her hand, every now and again he would place kisses to her knuckles. When she awoke her nonbiological family was dotted around the room. He was the first one to noticed she had woken up, he cooed her back to sleep with the promise that everything was okay, that no matter what he wasn’t leaving her ever again.

For once in two and a half years she was finally free and safe with the man she loves.

It’s been a year since that dreadful night. The cuts and bruises had long faded, the nightmares came in waves. No charges were pressed against her, but she did have to go to therapy which obviously she was grateful for. Tony refused to let her go back to the apartment, giving her her own room in the tower, even gave her a job. The whole team did their part in her recovery in anyway they could. Bucky refused to leave her side for weeks, always on guard even when he didn’t need to.

“I let you down Y/n I should of protected you”

“don’t be silly Buck, it was my own fault”

“No it wasn’t! don’t think that please baby”

“Well stop blaming yourself then”

It took a while for both of them to realise that what had happened was neither of their faults.

Falling asleep in Buckys arms she hears him whispering “I love you, I promise you I’m never going to give you up again”

“I love you too and I’m holding you to that promise Bucko”

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Rainy Days- B.Barnes

Summary: A rainy Monday spent between Bucky, his lover and Alpine.

Parings: Bucky x Fem!Reader, very brief mentions of Steve and Sam

Fic Warnings: Use of Y/N(only once), Fem!reader, soft!Bucky, Bucky dog-ears book pages, mention of the book A Little Life.

Author’s Note: There is dog-ear slander in this fic, I personally hate dog-earing book pages so it’s in here. Feedback is always welcomed and my asks are open if you want to ask me any questions. I am not taking requests at this time but I will definitely post if I ever open them.

My full Masterlist

Hope you enjoy! :)

Word Count: 970

gif not mine

It was an early autumn morning on a mundane Monday in Brooklyn. Rush hour was just starting, the sounds of the cars passing by the apartment window as well as the gentle patter of the rain were relaxing. She didn’t want to get out of bed. It was warm, the mood was just right and she was wrapped in the arms of the man she loved. Bucky was still fast asleep beside her, mumbling incoherent phrases in his slumber, sometimes catching a few words that did make sense which made her quietly giggle. 

She knew that once his nose twitched, he was starting to wake. Letting out a soft hum, he pulled his lover closer to his chest and sighed contently once feeling the weight of her head close to his heart. He was awake but was refusing to open his eyes, clinging to sleep, hoping he could find his way back to dreamland. Of course that got interrupted by the incessant meowing at the foot of their warm and cozy bed. The couple broke out of their bubble in a fit of sleepy laughter.

“Poor girl, you feelin’ left out, Alpine?” Bucky chuckled, finally opening his eyes. He had opened his free hand out to the white ball of fur, who greedily started rubbing her head on his palm. Alpine had waltzed her way up the bed and planted herself right on his chest, her tail smacking Y/N in the face as it flitted around happily. Bucky let out another sleepy chuckle when he noticed that his girl was getting assaulted by the cat’s tail. “You’re smacking your mama in the face, come here,” He patted his empty shoulder which Alpine quickly and happily took over. Now it was Bucky getting smacked in the face with her tail but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Good morning, handsome,” She smiled up at him, her voice just as tired as his was.

“Good morning, gorgeous. You okay with staying in bed all day?” Before she could answer, he kissed her lips lovingly, not caring about morning breath, just her.

“Wouldn’t dream of anything else.” Alpine let out a loud meow in protest, obviously hungry. “Maybe after we feed this little gremlin,” She laughed softly before sitting up and slowly getting out of bed. As she left their bedroom, Alpine jumped right down and followed her out, Bucky sighing softly once more. He was thanking whoever sent this woman into his life. 

When she reentered the room, he took in her appearance. Her hair disheveled, the mascara that refused to come off now smudged under her eyes, her eyes bleary and still very much sleepy and her body practically drowning in his blue t-shirt. In her hands she held two cups of coffee, hers was in a mug with his face on it, which Steve had gotten her as a joke but now it was her favorite and his was in a mug with Sam’s EXO-7 wings on it, which Sam had given him as a housewarming gift, he would never admit it but it was his favorite mug.

He grunted as he sat up in bed, accepting the cup of coffee gratefully and pulling her back into his arms once she was sat down on the bed again. The two of them enjoyed the silence for a while, just listening to the rain and the cars passing by. Bucky started a quiet conversation that spiraled, the two of them talking for hours in bed, just enjoying each other’s company. Traffic was long gone, the rain coming to an end, their coffee cups empty, the music that Bucky turned on playing softly in the back. Of course it was 40s music because the man refused to listen to anything else, his guilty pleasure was Harry Styles but he never told a soul about that one.

“You wanna pick up where we left off last night?” Bucky asked her.

“Where were we?” She asked back. 

He pulled the book from his nightstand, a gently used copy of A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, and opened it to the page that held the bookmark. It was a bookmark that she had made for him when she learned about his horrible habit of dog-earing pages, the design simple but it was the thought she put behind it, the color she chose the same blue as his eyes; a daffodil pressed into the paper under the laminate, his birth flower which he had learned once it was gifted to him; and the handwritten words ‘I love you, James Barnes’ sat neatly on the bottom of the bookmark. Every time he saw it, he smiled.

“Looks like we left off with going into a little bit of Jude’s backstory. You ready?” When she nodded, he began reading aloud. Smiling even wider when she nestled herself under his vibranium arm, her head resting on his chest, right above his heart, her arms finding themselves around his waist. As they read on, the rain picked up again but they didn’t seem to notice. It felt like it was just the two of them in the whole world and of course Alpine. The further Bucky got into the book, the less he noticed around him, when he finally looked away from the page, he saw that she had fallen asleep again. Soft snores falling from her slightly parted lips, her arms hanging loosely around his waist, the neckline of her(his) shirt shifted to the right and there was nothing more perfect to him than this, than the love of his life fast asleep in his arms, dreaming of their future together. It didn’t take him long to follow after her, quickly finding himself in a peaceful slumber that he only seems to get with her in his arms.

[neonovember]

steve rogers as a husband headcanon!

things about husband!steve that just makes sense

steve isn’t big on pda, thinks affection should be something private, he’s old school like that, there are some exceptions however, some very fun ones

even though he might be abit of an aversion to pda, steve will make sure that you know he’s just there

whether it be holding your hand, or his palm guiding you through a big crowd, he always feels a need to keep you at arms length.

steve is extremely protective of you..like bordering on possessiveness. he’ll even go as far are ignoring his own morals to make it sure, that people know his yours. It’s just that you’re the one thing that ever really grounds him back to earth, in moments where he gets lost in time and memories from before

“Hey I’m just saying, if you ever get bored of popsicle here, the iron suit is ready for you” Tony smirks, his legs perched against the coffee table. The Avengers are scattered around the tower's living room, half drunk and the other half trying to. You feel Steve’s grip on your waist tighten, and from the corner of your eye, you notice his orbs turning a ink-black. He leans across to Tony, whispering into his ear, the words falling out of his mouth like wine and into Tony. Tony’s eyes bludge comically, his throat bops as he swallows, nodding along to whatever Steve was saying, looking at you. Steve smiles, into his ear, it’s eerie, the way his canines glint under the high ceiling lights. You wish to the gods that you were given Bucky’s hearing but without a second, as if you had dreamt it in front of you, Steve is back beside you, only this time you feel his fingers slip between your thighs.

for some reason, I don’t get the whole “Steve being a horrible cook” trope, I genuinely think he’s an amazing cook and BAKER! that man can bake a mean batch of cookies

steve loves loves loves, calling you mrs rogers, or his wife. the first time he said it was well before you both uttered your vows, he just knew. oh and if you call him your husband? poor man will probably be hard for the rest of the day

steve has a breeding kink. we all know this, it’s practically attached to his file along with super soldier. but what most people don’t know is that he fucking lovess when you’re pregnant, it’s like senses go on overdrive until all he breathes, thinks and eats ;) is you.

steve has this fear of abandonment, mostly because he was, by his own country for a century. It seeps into his relationships, you’ll see if when he comes home from long missions and it’s as if he’s walking on eggs shells. His shoulders are tense and his holding his breath as if he’s just waiting to find the house bare and empty and your belongings gone. He gets really sensitive then, all murmurs and soft kisses and just holding you to remind himself you’re here.

there will absolutely be a time where steve fucks over the kitchen sink. the dirty dishes left abandoned (should I write this?)

steve can get a little anxious, and so his wedding band is something he’ll ALWAYS play with, he’ll twist its around his finger as a kind of reminder.

you love to tease him by bringing him lunch at the compound, wearing one of those sun dresses he adores because it gets him so. fucking. hard. He wont ever tell you though, just have to deal with it until he can get home, and by then you already panty less and on your knees waiting for him.

steve will probably force you to train with him, even if you can kick ass, he’ll pull a fitzgerald and force those trainers on you. poor boy is just scared that something will happen to you when his not there, plus, seeing you fight kinda turns him on. (just like anything else you do really)

Steve’s really bad at technology, we all know this, but he absolutely will try to learn how to use a phone so he can send you texts and updates throughout the day. he’ll take random pics of tony and sam when their not looking, take some Facebook mom ass selfies, take pictures of things he wants to draw and ask you if they’d look nice, he’s mind just constantly finds it’s way to you

cockwarming with husband!steve. that’s it

you help steve open up to the new things in this century, take him out to help him ease himself into the real world. people forget he never really got that chance, he died in one war only to be pushed into another.

it’s through you that steve learns that he’s obsessed with avocado. on toast, in milkshakes, everything, he’d literally a millennial

when things get too much, you’ll draw a bath and the both of you will just sit in the steaming water filled with some bubbles, candles illuminating the room instead of lights, and the ceiling to floor windows open. skin to skin helps steve calm his nerves, and it’s not abnormal for you both to stay in that position for hours

steve still gets shy around you, no matter how many years he’s been with you, he’s still that boy from brooklyn with a heart too big for him

steve has absolutely zero self control when it comes to you, say something nice about a necklace you see passing by? It’s on your neck the next day. Hears the sound of a slight rumble in your stomach? Steve’s whipping out his apron and making you eat something

steve is the type of man to never let you go to bed angry, even if you’ve both had a fight and he ends up on the coach it won’t be too long before you both find yourselves in the middle of the hallway missing each others touch

“babygirl, honey, my wife, doll, gorgeous”

you take priority over a lot of things in Steve’s mind, he’s never ever late to dinner, he’d rather lose his leg than disappoint you

sundays are for sex and sleeping

steve fucked you one time really hard over a drawer or ottoman and BROKE IT. now he’ll spend saturdays carpenting reinforced drawers, counters and bed frames ;)

makeup sex, and face and thigh riding <3

steve always feels as if he’s leaving a part of himself at home or with you whenever he leaves, he’s constantly watching the clock and bouncing that leg of his to get back to you.

steve would probably let bucky watch him fuck you..maybe.

even though I believe steve would be really possessive I also think he could easily be very private about his relationship with you. like that scene in aou where we meet Clint’s family? fury will probably drive up to some big cabin house with the avengers in the back and they’d be confused af when they open the door to find steve and you cooking in the kitchen with your kids running around the place.

“How much longer Fury, my backs starting to ache with this stiff as seat and Bucky’s feet in my face” groans Sam, leaning away from Bucky’s towering figure. “It should be around the corner” motions Fury, and just as promised the avengers pull into an expansive cabin house, elegant with is softened wood and timber gate ribboning around the land that seemed to stretch endlessly. When Fury had told them that he needed to grab something, they didn’t think it would end up with corny 70’s tunes cranking out throughout the car, one and a half hours from the city.

“This looks…lived in” Nat remarks, her fingers brushing against her holister, ears perked for any signs of human activity.

“Yeah, Fury, are you having us raid some lumberjacks generational home” Tony barks, stretching out his arms

“Just shut up and follow me” Fury sighs, before stepping through the gate and following the stone path. Wiping his boots across the mat, his reaches for the door, opening into the hallway of the strange home.

“Wipe your shoes, she hates when you trek mud in” Fury calls before walking in as if he owned the place

“She?” Thor whispers, what they all but Bucky thought. They followed unspeaking down the hallway leading to an open floor, the scene infront of them had their mouths hanging.

There Steve, their stone faces leader, fucking sautéing onions on large brimstone stove, laughter falling from his lips as you whispered into his neck. You were a sight to see, a dress falling onto your body like silk, cascading againts your curves, your hair was in an updo, curls draining your face and a bright smiling lighting up your eyes.

You were absolutely gorgeous, and to see Steve react to your affection in such a way told them you were more than just an old friend

“Bucky!” You smiles, reaching for the dark haired man, squeezing him in a tight hug.

“Hey sweet girl” Bucky smiles, gripping you.

Sam looked towards Bucky in disbelief, eyes shooting bullets at Steve in mock betrayal

“Really? You’re going to tell the ex murderer about your little secret life but not your saviour?” Sam mutters, before steve laughs gripping his chest.

“Sam meet my wife, doll now you know why I don’t let them near you” Steve whispers into your ear, making you giggle.

Sam reaches for your hand but you ignore it, going for a hug. “Oomf, hello to you too” Sam laughs hugging you back

“Hey Fury” You smile, waving a hand towards the man who nods in return.

“You all must be Natasha, Thor, Clint and Tony?, it’s so great to finally meet you” You speak, dimples pressed into your cheek

Clint seems to be the only one who snaps out of the rest of the avengers stupor, “I see you’ve pulled a Barton” He jokes, hugging you.

Once the rest of them finally greet you, along with some condescending remarks from Tony about “how the hell did you land her?!” The avengers sit around the table, drinking beer and eating good food and getting used to seeing Steve with his wife on his lap.

that’s all I have for steve at the moment, I’ll probably add way more later but I haven’t been uploading in ages and thought this would a quick little head canon for our spark spangled soldier!

p.s! requests are always open ;)

[cosmos-coma]

Metal's Delicate Touch - Part 1

A/N: Hello! I'm branching out into another Fandom! Likely its just gonna be for this one character, but I'm excited to share another character I'm passionate about!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: Blood and injury (Nothing terrible), Hurt reader, Reader gets mugged, I think that's all? let me know if I missed.

Summary: Bucky saves you from a mugging gone bad and is instantly pulled in by your warmth and compassion

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

_________________________

A roughened hand clamped itself over your mouth as grubby fingers rifled through your pockets.“When I asked you to stop, you really should have just stopped, sweetheart.” Your mugger spat as his number two pocketed everything you had on you. 

These two men had followed you around the market for a while then towards your shitty little hostel. Eventually, they called out for you, chasing and cornering you in a blocked-off alley after you tried to run.

You had made to scream out for help, but your mugger immediately pulled out a gun from his heavy jacket, fitted with a silencer and everything.

They were not messing around. 

As you struggled against the hands of your assailants you spotted a man walking past the occupied alley. His shoulders were broad and strong, evident even through his leather jacket. His shoulder-length hair and his baseball cap covered most of his profile, which was pulled down low in an obvious show of ‘don’t fucking talk to me’.

But you had no choice.

You bit down hard on the hand covering your mouth, blood instantly hitting your tongue. You did your best not to gag on the vile taste and screamed as soon as the hand pulled away. “Help me! Please! Hel-” and you were cut off as his hand clamped over your mouth once again. 

“You little fucking bitch-” He seethed, pressing the gun against your thigh and pulling the trigger, the sound cushioned by both the silencer and your soft flesh that even you barely heard it over your heartbeat. Though muffled by his hand, your scream strained your throat with all its ferocity and pain. Tears welled in your eyes as your brain swam with newly radiating pain, but your eyes still searched for the man in the baseball hat. 

You struggled to keep your bleary eyes open and your heart fell when you no longer saw him. Did he leave? Did he even hear you? 

Heavy tears fell as your eyes screwed shut and another wave of pain like malevolent electricity ran through your limbs as you tried to shift your weight under their grasp. 

“Hey-” Was all you heard your mugger say as his weight was thrown away from you. A resounding THUD bounced off the walls as his body did just the same. Brick bit against your skin as you slid along the wall to the ground, your single good leg no longer having the energy to support you. 

More thuds and grunts came from the space before you and as you peeked open your eyes you saw the man in a baseball cap beating the shit out of your assailants. His punches were sharp and skilled, and his entire demeanor seemed glazed over as he got lost in the blood and grunts.

 “That’s enough..! That's fine..!” you yelled, not wanting to see their deaths, and his whole disposition changed in an instant. His square shoulders softened at the edges and his fists loosened as he turned to face you. You had never seen two men run so fast as your muggers did when they saw him distracted, turning their bruised and bloody tails as they ran. 

His face was mostly shadowed as he scooped up your stolen items, though his eyes just shone through the darkness, promising the most striking gaze you had ever seen. 

He extended a hand to you wordlessly as he approached, an invitation for his further help and you were glad to take it. 

You griped his hand tight and started pulling yourself to your feet, “Thank you so much, I- Ah..! Fuck, Fuck hold on…” you loosened your grip on his hand, dropping back to the ground. Your hands instantly went to your leg wound, feeling the hot blood that had seeped out as you strained to stand.

“I- I don’t think I can stand on my own. I’m sorry, um… I’ll figure something out.” You glanced at your surroundings, trying desperately to come up with a good solution. Your knight in a baseball cap watched you quietly for a moment before he reached down to you again, both arms this time as he effortlessly scooped you up bridal style. 

“Oh..!” you gasped in surprise but held tight to him with your arms around his neck. “Thank you… You can just drop me at any hospital and I’ll greatly appreciate it. I don’t wanna be a bother,” you offered. His grip on you tightened as you suggested he dropped you off, as you suggested that he leave you. 

He couldn't put a word on exactly what it was that made his stomach lurch at the thought of dropping you off with a bunch of strangers. Strangers who would undoubtedly hurt you and ruin the fine but subtle scent you gave off. It was your scent of damp moss and sweet gardenias which made his heart feel a softness he feels he knew only in another lifetime. 

Your slight wince drew him out of his deep well of thought and he quickly loosened the grip of his ungloved hand which was squeezing far too close to your open wound. 

Despite his prominent objections, you could only get a low grunt out of him as he shook his head and continued his steadfast journey. “Can I at least know where we’re going then?” you asked, being met with even less of a reply. 

The journey was quiet as he carried you to an old apartment building, your arms resting comfortably around his neck as he carried you up the winding stairwell and into a small apartment. 

It was rather bare for the most part, with only the necessities and no items to show comfort or leisure- only survival. Your eyes bounced around from object to object, a book or two, simple cookware, and a couple of small guns. The last of which should have given you more pause, but you figure if he wanted you dead, he’d have left the other guys do it- so it must be for protection. 

“Do you have a name? I’m not really fond of joining men in their apartments without at least knowing their name first.” You mused as he set you down on the all-too-firm bed, the faintest wince of discomfort as the foreign object in your leg moved with you. 

At first, you weren't sure if he heard you as his attention immediately became consumed by searching around the apartment. You waited a few moments before you asked again. “I’d rather not just call you ‘handsome stranger’ for the rest of our time.” you laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten the intense mood that seemed to cling to this man no matter what. “Is there something I can call you-” 

“They...” his first hints at a spoken word had you immediately silenced, desperate to hear if his voice matched the brooding exterior he put off. He came back with a white box, setting it down beside you before he pulled his hat off. His blue eyes were just as striking as promised and searched your face for something neither of you could name.

“They… They called me James once.” his voice rumbled out, raspy and quiet from its limited use. The vibrations of his husky voice put you at ease, despite his intense stare which you found yourself quickly growing accustomed to. 

A small smile grew on your face as you introduced yourself, “Well thank you for saving my life, James.” Something drew you to reach out for him, just for the lightest touch, the gentlest graze- but when his whole body flinched back you quickly withdrew your hand. “I’m sorry, I-”

“No.” He quickly interjected, those vibrant blues locking with your eyes, “Don’t apologize.”His weight shifted a bit- as if he was trying to hold everything in in your presence.

“And don't thank me yet-” He started as he opened up the white box, only now noticing that one of his hands was hidden away in a leather glove. Medical tweezers, alcohol pads, stitches- almost every possible at-home medical instrument you could think of was stocked into this kit. “-the bullet still needs to come out.”

Oh fuck. You had almost let yourself forget about the bullet still lodged in your leg and the blood that still slowly seeped out over your pants. “Fuck… okay.” you nodded, understanding exactly what he needed from you. 

His eyes watched with a growing hunger that he quickly fought down as you tried to shimmy out of your pants- eventually resorting to asking him for help. A buzz ran over his skin as he made that first contact- calloused fingertips pressing against the supple skin of your upper thighs and dragging slowly down the length of your legs. 

With little hesitance, he knelt down between your spread legs, his shoulder to you as he lined himself up for the best angle. His gloved hand gripped behind your knee to hold you in place and inadvertently sent a jolt straight to your core. 

‘Not now’ you shunned your body. 

“Bite this.” He instructed and handed you the cap he had just been wearing.

“What’s this fo-AH!” You yelped out, immediately bitting down on the brim of the hat, as the long medical tweezers he had dug around your flesh for the bullet in question. You did your best to keep quiet, not wanting to alert the neighbors but it was hard. 

Your whimpers echoed around the room to him, bouncing from the wall to his ears in an endless pained cycle. “James, wait- please… I need a break,” you begged as your hands, tense and desperate for something to hold, naturally found their place in his hair. 

You didn’t have the mind about you to notice the way he flinched when your fingers touched him, nor the way he softened soon after he realized how gentle you were still trying to be. Even with your immense pain you didn’t jerk his head back or dig your nails into his scalp- no, you tugged and clenched your fingers around his long hair, but still never had the heart to hurt him. 

Practiced hands eventually pulled the crushed metal out with a disgusting squelch. A relieved and breathy sigh passed by your parted lips as it was finally done and your hands came away from him. 

“Good girl…” he spoke it quietly, just enough for you to hear and for it to stop your heart for what felt like minutes, stirring you once again. He took surprising care and delicacy as he continued to clean and wrap your leg until you were fully taken care of. 

 With a grunt you carefully rose to your feet, hobbling around the apartment as you tested out your leg- you could barely put any weight on it, but it would do for now. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough… “ you said as you watched him pack everything away again.

“Well, you could… stay?” His voice came quietly as if he was almost ashamed to ask you for so much, but he needed this- needed you. “At least until your leg is healed…” he urged, hoping you’d at least agree to baby steps with him. 

“I…” you started, searching his face carefully, trying to read each and every crease, though you were no expert- not like he was. However, what you did catch was the evident yearning. Innocent and true,  the way a child yearns for their crush to sit next to them at lunch. It was a look behind his eyes that said ‘I can’t be alone now that I’ve found you’. 

You could use the help as you healed… and your hostel was far worse than this. Something about the firm but gentle way he held you surrounded you with a sense of safety you’d rather not give up so easily. Not to mention those handsome eyes that made your heart flutter in your chest.

“I’ll stay” you nodded, smiling a bit at the way his lips just curled up at the ends, the most emotion you had seen from him yet. 

He didn’t let you hobble for very long before he was urging you to sit down and rest. You obliged but still did your best to stay close, sitting on the counter as dinner was made and stealing bites here and there. You smiled at the way he relentlessly shooed you away each time, eventually resorting to gently thwapping your hand with the sauce-laden spoon. 

His smile grew as you licked the sauce off your hand and hummed along to the jovial beat the radio sang, your fingers still searching for more bites to steal. Your warmth seemed to light up the entire room as you simply existed beside him and he could feel even the shadiest corners of himself become a little easier to look into.

After dinner, your body was begging you to sleep after its incredibly long say and you weren’t one to deny it. Instantly you were out like a light, Your sleeping form sprawled out on your side of the thin mattress.

Bucky watched your chest rise and fall evenly as you let out slow puffs of breath. Your shirt had ridden up to expose your soft belly and the gentle curve of your hips. Your underwear was the only true cover your lower half had, the bandages having bunched and protested as you tried to re-dress. 

He knelt beside you, eyes transfixed on the little signs of life you gave out. The breaths, the tiny movements against the sheets, and the steady beat of your heart all came together to form a melody unlike that of any other. 

He peeled off the glove from his metal hand and reached out slowly, hesitantly, until his fingers just barely grazed your lower stomach. You let out a short quick gasp as the cold metal made itself known on your skin, causing him to instantly flinch backward. 

When you settled and didn’t stir any further he knew it was safe to go in again. His touch was a little more confident as he ran his fingers from stomach to hip, loving the way your soft flesh bowed to his touch. 

His heart swelled in his chest as you let out a gentle huff, your hand coming to rest over his as you shifted in your sleep. Racing heartbeats rushed passed his ears, the only sensation he could take in besides the sleepy expression on your lips. Patiently he worked his way out of your grip, making sure not to disturb your sleep.

And with that, a sense of purpose returned to him that day- a lifelong mission if you will- to ensure you would never lose such peace again.

_____________________

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[stuckymonkey]

Masterlist

Welcome aboard ⚓🦜

Minors DNI, but you are responsible for your own media consumption.

Requests and asks are welcome! I will try to write them as best and as fast as I can!

about the authour

Angst 🩵 Fluff🍓 Smut🐓

✿ᴗ⁠✧ᴗ⁠✷ᴗ⁠✯⁠ᴗ⁠✯ᴗ⁠✷ᴗ⁠✧ᴗ✿ᴗ✯⁠ᴗ⁠✯

bucky barnes

sebastian stan

natasha romanoff

buckynat x reader

stucky

stucky x reader

steve rogers

sam wilson

chris evans

kinktober week 1

[bi-disaster-yn]

Female Rage

Paring: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky thinks it’s a success when the team manage to uncover a Hydra human trafficking operation targeting women and girls. Reader knows it’s only a drop in the ocean of patriarchal violence towards women.

A/N: This was very cathartic for me to write. I carry around all these feelings and fanfic allows me to outlet them. Thanks for being part of it <3

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ This fic discusses systematic issues around violence towards women and has mentions of trafficking, sexual violence, domestic abuse and murder.

The sirens, the flashing blue lights, and all of the people around you overwhelmed your senses. Your body became a mere vessel which moved without any control or instruction. A part of your soul had died but you had to keep going.

All around you were women and young girls who, just an hour prior, were being held in a lorry and were being trafficked to a covert Hydra base. The purpose of the operation was an early stage attempt to revive the Red Room but with a team of you, Bucky, Sam and Yelena you were able to put a stop to it.

Having managed to track the lorry down to the specific coordinates, you infiltrated the mission. They had been driving on a long and quiet country road, seemingly hidden by the cascades of giant trees in an extensive woodland. A nasty fight with the Hydra agents ensued when you and Yelena caught up with them in an Audi, while Bucky met them head on with a motorcycle and Sam flew in and took the roof. It concluded with them being hauled away in handcuffs but you wish you’d killed them.

Then came the aftermath.

The scene seemed to be carrying on around you without any of your input, as though you could disappear and nothing would have changed. Government officials, policemen and ambulances had arrived to assist in getting these women to safety. You were supposed to be directing them to safe points, instructing the paramedics and police officers on what to do next but the more you tried to focus, the harder it got.

Each time one of the victims thanked you, it sent an ugly shudder down your spine. An abnormally large shaped lump swelled in your throat, rendering a response impossible. All you could offer was a solemn nod, which somehow, they managed to receive your true meaning. An unspoken understanding that could only be shared between women endured throughout all of your exchanges.

Bucky and Sam were still capable of focus as they liaised with officers and helped women, offering more words of encouragement than you or Yelena ever could. Every now and then, Bucky flashed you an encouraging smile, clearly proud of what you were able to achieve today. It was something you couldn’t return.

Ringing in your ears persisted and you flinched as more sirens arrived. You moved without purpose, trying to point in different directions to aid the girls to paramedics if they needed medical attention, and to a police officer if not. Even then, a peculiar feeling churned in your stomach as you stared at the officers, who were all men and mentally cursed that no one in the police department had thought to send any women to this scene. Effectively, it felt like you were passing these girls from one evil, male-dominated organisation to another.

A strong sense of injustice built up tension in your body, harbouring an overpowering reaction, which you were unsure if you could suppress for much longer.

The match in the powder barrel, however, was witnessing a girl who couldn’t have been older than 14 sheltering and comforting two little girls who were terrified and crying for their mother. At first glance, it appeared as though the little ones had no relation to her whatsoever. Yet, this girl had adopted this maternal role which she was far too young to accept. As soon as you saw them safely situated in an ambulance, you decided you couldn’t take this anymore.

Passing by everyone and ignoring calls from Sam, you stormed into the woods, descending deeper and deeper into the trees and the natural beauty of Mother Nature.

You couldn’t remember when you started crying, you just knew that tears streamed down your cheeks. The combination of the tears and the intense headache they brought blurred your vision. You brought your hands to your head and wailed, knowing that no one would hear you.

You thought about how those girls had now secured this trauma and although the Hydra mission hadn’t been completed, this ordeal would alter the courses of their lives forever. This would manifest itself in different ways in all of their lives. They’d never be able to live without the memory of this ever again, tainting their experiences, putting them on their guard, making them cautious of the world and what monsters harboured amongst the humans among them. Honestly, you preferred your chances against Thanos than the men that walked this Earth.

That very concept made you angry. No, not angry. Incandescent.

The lump in your throat was surpassed by a bloodcurdling scream, the sound of which was so terrifying that the birds from the trees desperately flew away in a flock.

It was the only sound that could be heard for miles. All your rage was buried deep inside these woods like it had been in your body for years.

At this moment, this is all you were capable of. You continued to scream despite the scratch it created in your throat, or the fact it had worsened your headache. There was just so much rage contained in your body and you needed to get it out of you, no matter what it took. It was a fury so specific; so intertwined with womanhood and the female experience that no cisgender man could ever comprehend it.

It was female rage.

You were in so much pain. While yesterday you had been wrapped up with Bucky under a blanket, watching TV, eating food, having sex, doing all the normal things one does in a relationship; somewhere else at the same time, this operation was starting. It wouldn’t have been the only one. You were having a carefree day with your boyfriend while elsewhere in the world, men were committing atrocities against women – whether at a systematic level or a domestic one.

You squeezed your eyes shut in aid of your screams. Still without any control, your limbs moved on their own as you started to violently kick and punch one of the trees. Any injury sustained from this frantic display didn’t matter to you. The harsh bark of the tree broke the skin of your knuckles and soon it was decorated with your blood. 

The screams and cries persisted as you channelled this anger into the assault of the tree. You were picturing those Hydra agents with the smug grin on their faces. You pictured the man that groped you in the club without your consent on your last girls’ night. You pictured the images of those incels you had curiously watched interviews with but had to turn your laptop off halfway through. You pictured the men who had refurbished the compound and had stared at you as you trained in the garden. You pictured every man who had ever questioned your ability to keep your emotions in check as a female Avenger.

You pictured them all and you desperately wanted them all to know how fucking helpless and infuriating this all felt. You wanted them to feel the weight of the world just as you had done from being a little girl.

Without warning, some force had pulled you back from the tree and had hauled you close into a smothering embrace. In spite of your blurred vision and your relentless howling, you recognised Bucky’s smell immediately as he held you close to his chest, grabbing your hands and holding them tightly together with his vibranium hand and using his flesh one to put your face in his neck. You struggled against him, feeling suffocated and not having abolished nearly as much fury as you needed to.

“Please, doll, please stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Bucky mumbled against your forehead, pressing several gentle kisses to it. 

Nevertheless, you still fought against him. But Bucky was too strong for you and even in the arms of your beloved, you were still trapped by a man.

“Bucky. Let. Me. Go.” You shakily told him with gritted teeth.

“I’m scared to, sweetheart. Your hands… look at them.” He sobbed back, clearly in distress. A quick glimpse at your hands validated his concern. The skin round your knuckles had been torn open and in amongst the blood and mangled flesh lay splinters and chips from the tree.

It wasn’t sore, but the rest of your body was.

“I don’t understand, doll. Did something happen back there to upset you? You saved those girls. We wouldn’t have been able to do that mission without you.” Bucky said gently, loosening his grip only slightly to cradle you lovingly, rather than to protectively restrain you.

It triggered a scoff and even further anger from you.

“That’s not the point! The point is it keeps happening! We saved those girls today, sure. But somewhere out there, another one of those operations is starting and more girls will be hurt. Those operations are going on round the world, Bucky! They want us to be slaves to them in any way they can think of – whether that is to be used as a weapon or for sex or as working mules!

And these men, they’re so fucking clever! They’re making this untraceable! And we won’t be able to save them all. It’s never-ending, we’re trying to scoop up water from the ocean!”

Whether you intended it or not, the words came out as a yell and Bucky let you go. Clearly, none of this had ever occurred to him and your fury scared him. Meanwhile, your hand gestures went wild as you spoke, your facial expressions became more animated. This was only the beginning as your thoughts continued to spill out to the unassuming and gentle man you loved so much.

“And this? This is worst case scenario! Every single day women are subject to the violence of men! We’ve saved those girls, right? And we’re gonna do what? Give them normal homes so they can walk about with their keys in their hands?! We handed them over to fucking police officers who themselves have a history of being violent towards women. The cycle repeats itself!

That’s not the end of it though, these men are in our homes with us. They are beating us, raping us, killing us. We can’t escape them. The good ones aren’t signposted – we just have to trust you and it is the biggest and deadliest risk that we all take.”

Bucky nodded along with you, processing your words and affording you as much space to speak as possible. At first, he was just relieved that you hadn’t resumed your beating on the tree. Then, he began to really listen to you and consume your words and your fury. It horrified him.

In truth, he always appreciated that there was a disproportionate tendency in violence to women and that the world existed on a patriarchal system and that some men were just sexist pigs. Admittedly, this had gotten a lot better than things were in the 40s. However, he had never truly really given it much thought or considered how to change any of it. That was just the way things were. How does one go about revolutionising an entire system? Especially one that appeared to be changing over time as he had suspected.

He took a step forward, holding his arms out for you in case you needed some sanctuary. It was an offer you refused, standing awkwardly and wiping away your tears with the sleeve of your mission jacket. Attempts to comfort you at this point were futile.

“I’m sorry, doll. I have never thought about it like that. I guess it’s because I’ve never had to.” Bucky began with a sympathetic look. “But you can’t do this all by yourself. You did something so good today and you should be proud of yourself for it.”

You sank to your knees, planting your palms in the dirt below you to try and restore some strength to your frail frame. He was right, but he’d never truly understand.

“I just feel so helpless, Bucky. I feel like I’m drowning and every time I put my head above water, someone pulls me back down again.” You explained with fresh, stinging tears. “I’m a fucking Avenger and even I can’t stop this.”

Bucky knelt on the ground in front of you with a sigh, knowing that no matter what he did, he couldn’t make this better for you. It killed him to see his girl so heartbroken and defeated while he could do nothing about it.

“Those girls we saved are going to tell you their stories and you’re going to be upset and you’ll cry for them because you know what it’s like on a human level to be captured and forced to do something you don’t want to do. But you will never understand this pain and fear on a systematic level like I do! To know that you’re inherently in danger just because you were born a woman. I need to stop it. But I don’t know how.”

This time, when Bucky took you in his arms, you let him. The early exertions had exhausted your body and now you were ready to bury your face into his neck, inhaling his comforting scent and feeling safe. The venting had alleviated some of the pain but it still persisted, bubbling discreetly under the surface of your skin, ready to boil again when you were next pushed.

Bucky pressed a loving kiss to the top of your head. He appreciated that there was nothing he could say to make you feel better. Instead, he offered himself to you as comfort to take from him what you needed. The real effects of your headache and bloody knuckles came into fruition and you clenched your fists to deal with the physical pain while Bucky rocked you in a comforting motion.

“Promise me one thing, sweetheart?” Bucky asked and took your hum as permission to keep talking. “Promise me that no matter how tough this all gets; you don’t let it consume you. You are the best person I know and I will follow you into any mission, battle or war for this. But please don’t hurt yourself over it or try and deal with it on your own. I love you, please let me help. Tell me how I can be better.”

You held him so tightly that you might crush him, grateful for his support and his pledge of allegiance to your cause. Blinking away tears that threatened to fall you nodded against his neck so that he knew you had understood him.

“I promise. And, Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Just know that all this anger and hatred I have towards men and how they treat us never applies to you.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

Bucky held you there in that spot in the woods for what felt like hours until he eventually carried you home. Fatigue had overpowered your body but your brain was still active, already plotting and planning what you were going to do next and how you were going to use your Avenger status as an advantage.

You wouldn’t change the system overnight but you were going to do everything in your power to rally up as much support as possible. The pain and anger that was deep rooted inside you was converted to raw energy and you had the appetite to make a difference.

Female rage is a powerful thing.

[writing-for-marvel]

Night Shift

[He’s Hazardous To My Health Series]

Paramedic!Bucky Barnes x Resident!Fem!Reader

< < PART 5 | Series Masterlist | PART 7 > >

Summary: When you’re stuck on night shift for two weeks, you and Bucky find it difficult to spend time together.

Warnings: strictly 18+, smut, oral sex (fem receiving), fingering, mention of sending nudes/audio within an established relationship, implied food play, mention of dialysis and an elderly patient dying, soft fluff

Word count: 4.5k

A/N: I truly didn’t mean for this part to be this long, yet here we are. Some soft smut and domestic fluff after the angst of part 5. Banners by @vase-of-lilies

Main Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist | Library

“My place next weekend?” Bucky poses as he peppers delicate kisses over your face. You scrunch your nose and let out a little squeal of glee that promotes him to continue his trail of kisses along your jaw and down the column of your neck.

The prospect of spending an entire week without seeing or touching Bucky seems like pure torture. You suspect Thor didn’t take kindly to you turning him down in favour of Bucky which has resulted in you covering the night shift for the next two weeks.

With Bucky still living with and taking care of his Ma recovering at home after being discharged from the surgical ward last week, and your now severely conflicting schedules, you know you won’t find the time to see each other until the following weekend.

You have to remind yourself that you only have to endure six days without him, not even a full week, but it’s the six nights attempting to fall asleep in an empty bed without his strong arms cuddling you into his broad, musky scented chest that you suspect will be more tormenting to endure.

“What have you got planned?” Your eyes narrow, trying to see if you can get any clues by reading his countenances. Unfortunately, all he does is smile, which gives away nothing except for the soft flutter of butterflies in your stomach that indicate how you enjoy being the cause of his happiness.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” God he loves to tease, and as much as you adore him for it, having something specific to look forward to at the end of the week would actually be very helpful in surviving the week.

“Can it be next weekend already?” You whine between peppered kisses around your face. Bucky simply chuckles, but he feels your pain, he doesn’t want to have to endure the impending week without you either.

“I promise, the week will go by in a flash.”

But this one time, Bucky’s promise isn’t truthful.

The week feels like it’s moving through tar.

You’re awake when it’s pitch black outside and when you attempt to sleep at home, the sun is seeping through your curtains, almost mocking you that you can’t be outside enjoying it.

The night shift drags on more so than a regular day because you don’t have Wanda keeping you company, and you know that you won’t be able to steal glimpses of Bucky which normally sustain you throughout your shift.

You then come home and crash on an empty bed in a lonely apartment when most people are only just starting their day. Your mind can’t help but wonder what Bucky is doing at this very moment. Perhaps he’s making breakfast for his mom, and you smile thinking about them joking together over their cereal. Or maybe he’s having his morning shower, the hot water cascading over his toned body, his wet hair falling in front of his eyes as he washes his naked body.

Possibly thinking about you.

Maybe even touching himself to the thought of you being right there with him.

And that’s the image you manage to fall asleep thinking about and which enters your dreams.

The following day is no better. Sporadic messages from Bucky during his waking hours is the only contact you have with him, until it gets too late where his communication ceases altogether, under the assumption he finally fell asleep.

After driving home, and two and a half long days without seeing him, you’re desperate to hear his voice. Sadly, the only time you manage to hear it is when his voicemail instructs you to leave a message because you’ve missed him. At a very minimum he will be able to hear your voice if you leave a voicemail, so you decide to tell him about your day.

“Morning baby, I know you’re probably with your Ma, but I just finished my shift and I’m on my way home and I’d thought I’d see if I could catch you before I fall asleep. It was a tough one today, Mrs Stewart, that lovely lady on dialysis who read my cards, the one I told you about last week, she came into the ER again and passed away overnight. I organised for her daughters to come in to say goodbye, but it felt like such an injustice, she should have had more time and been able to meet her grandbaby. I wish I had been able to come home to a hug and kiss from you.” You take a short pause, trying to compose yourself. You’re a doctor, losing patients is part of the job description and just makes saving lives that more extraordinary, but it is always easier to cope when you have Bucky there to run you a bath and help wash the day off you.

You don’t get that privilege this week.

“How’s your Ma? I know you said the other day she was meeting all her goals so I’m sure she’s breaking all kinds of records and continuing to be a mischief maker just like her son is.” You let out a chuckle, thinking of your cheeky boyfriend and his even sassier mom interacting with each other makes you grin. “Two nights down, four more to go. Honestly the weekend can’t come soon enough, I already miss you and it’s only been two days! Oh also, I sent you some pictures overnight, I hope you enjoy getting to look through those before bed later, I think you’ll like them. Sending you kisses and dirty dreams. I hope we get to speak soon baby.”

You hang up feeling ever so slightly better. Even though you weren’t actually speaking with him directly, in some strange way you feel like you have.

When you wake up, a good eight hours later, feeling more exhausted than when you went to sleep, one of the notifications you’ve missed is a call from Bucky, and your heart flutters when you realise he’s also left you a long voicemail.

“Hey darling, it was so great hearing your voice just before starting my shift, I feel like my day is already brighter from just listening to you talk. I’m sorry to hear about your patient, she seemed like such a sweet lady. If I were with you I’d give you the biggest hug and kiss, you deserve them both. Just know you are an amazing doctor; and her daughters will be grateful that they got their chance to say goodbye.” There’s a long pause in the recording, so much so you think your phone has accidentally switched off, but then you hear his voice again. “Ma is doing so well, we’re getting out and doing some small walks around her neighbourhood. She’s friends with one of the lady’s down the end of the street and her poodle puppy, so her motivation to keep walking is to see little Millie and get puppy kisses. I have to take her to a follow-up appointment after work, so it might prove a little tricky finding a time to chat but hopefully I can catch you before your shift.”

Your heart sinks, after not actually getting to speak with him earlier today you had hoped this afternoon would be your best chance to do so. But as disappointed as you are, you don’t blame Bucky one bit - he has to take care of his mom, and seeing the relationship they share only makes you adore him even more.

“I had a sneak at those pictures earlier and you made me harder than a fucking rock looking like a wet dream in that lingerie set. You can guarantee I’ll be looking at those when I go to sleep tonight. I might just have to send you some audio of how much I enjoy them.” Excitement tingles down your spine and you salivate at the thought of hearing Bucky get off to pictures of you. That of all the people he’s ever been with, you’re the one he can’t get enough of. “I hope you’re resting up baby, you deserve it. I’m sure we’ll speak soon, and if not, I’m just gonna keep listening to your voicemail on repeat so I can hear your voice again.”

You listen to his message three times. Firstly, just to hear his voice, how elated he sounds speaking to your voicemail. Second, to actually take in what he said. And thirdly, to listen to the sound of his voice again.

The remainder of the week wouldn’t be such a drag now that you could listen to his voice any time you want.

* * *

After your shift ends on Saturday morning, you have a pep in your step as you exit the hospital, on your way straight to Bucky’s place.

You’re finally going to see him again and nothing, not even the wet weather that you drive through towards his apartment, will dampen that.

When he answers his door, there’s a moment's pause where you simply stare joyously at each other, as if trying to determine if this is actually real or something concocted in a dream.

Seeing Bucky’s gorgeous, smiling face after a week apart is like a breath of fresh air. After a week of suffocating, you could now take a long, deep breath, oxygenating all those cells in your body which had been crying out for him. By the achingly doting expression on his face, you are positive he has longed for this moment as much as you have.

Someone else would probably think you had spent months apart with how hurriedly you pull one another into a crushing embrace. Your arms fling around his neck, pulling him down to you, and he pulls your waist flush with his as he buries his face in your neck.

“I missed you.” You whisper in his ear, taking in the familiar scent of his eucalyptus shampoo and that musky scent which was just naturally Bucky.

“Not as much as I missed you.” He mumbles, pulling back so his lips can capture yours in a tender kiss. His lips are soft and meld against yours with languid motions.

You stay in each other's arms for a long moment, basking in the warmth of each other's embrace, letting the rest of the world melt away as you revel in the delight of being reunited.

With a kiss to your forehead, Bucky takes your hand and leads you inside, not wanting to be deficient of your touch for even a single second longer.

“I have something to show you.” He proclaims with a mischievous grin. You’re left to ponder what it might be as he doesn’t give you any hints, however, you don’t need to wait long for when he leads you through the doorway to his living space the surprise hits you square in the chest.

“Bucky…” Your jaw drops open and you’re left speechless.

His lounge room is lit up with candles, casting a soft, warm glow over the entire room and filling the air with a sweet vanilla fragrance. The couch and coffee table have been pushed to the back wall to make room for a makeshift bed of multiple blankets and pillows. A small projector sits at the foot of the ‘bed’, pointing at a now bare wall, the few pictures Bucky did have up now stored on the coffee table. To top it all off, rose petals have been scattered all around the room, with a bouquet of the same flowers tied up neatly in a pretty bow beside the bed which you can only assume is for you.

“You did all this for me?” You choke out, trying not to let your emotions get the best of you but the lump in your throat betraying you.

“I’d do anything for you.” He responds without hesitation. “I wanted to have a romantic weekend together after not seeing you for so long.”

He looks at you with such extreme fondness, like something precious he values and wants to keep safe, and you have no choice but to kiss him. Not soft and sweet like his was, but instead ardently, fiercely. As a ‘thank you’. As a ‘I missed you’. As a ‘I care about you beyond what words can describe’. As a ‘I need you right now’.

Your hands find his hair and pull lightly, in the way you know he likes and which helps you open him up to you so you can sweep your tongue in his mouth.

You’re in control of the kiss until Bucky manages to slip a large hand past the elastic of your pants, fingers finding the wet patch forming in your panties. Even the feel of his thick fingers through the material is enough to make you keen, and all of a sudden you’re putty in his hands as he takes charge.

“How long have you been this wet for me, darling?”

“All week.” You moan breathlessly as he runs his fingers through your soaking folds, making sure his thumb circles your clit with the just the right pressure he has come to know with experience makes your toes curl. “Jerking off to your pictures just isn’t the same.”

“You need the real thing, baby?” Bucky nips at your earlobe before sucking on your neck, the sensation making you dizzy with lust. You want him - no, need him, more than you’ve needed anyone before, more than you need to breathe.

“Yes, please.” You beg, hands reaching down to feel his hardening cock underneath the material of his sweatpants. His lips connect with yours again as you cup his balls through his pants, a gravelly grunt escaping his lips

“Lay down, darling.” Bucky instructs, his spare, strong hand running down your back to assist you falling backwards onto his provisional blanket bed. “I got you.” He promises as you let him hold your body weight, placing you down carefully and ensuring your head rests on one of the pillows.

Bucky cages you in, his muscular form and intoxicating scent consuming your vision and filling all your senses. His eyes are brimming with desire, observing you underneath him as if you are the most alluring sight he’s ever had the pleasure of gazing at, and it only makes the wet patch in your panties grow.

“Need you, James.” He smirks as his real name falls from your lips. Bucky knows you mean business when you use it, and though he loves to tease you, today is not the time for that, because as much as you need him, he needs you even more.

“I know baby, Imma take good care of you, make you feel so good.” Bucky coos before sliding down your body, pulling your slacks and underwear off in one go. “There’s my pretty pussy.” As soon as his plump lips suck on your sensitive bundle of nerves, you’re sent straight to heaven. Without giving you a moment to think about how almost painfully good he’s making you feel and how much you’ve missed the feel of his tongue swirling at your core, he’s slipped two fingers inside you, fervently stroking your velvety, fluttering walls.

“Shit, Buck. God, I’ve missed your mouth.” If you were with anyone but your precious Bucky, who you trust implicitly, you might be embarrassed by how quickly the band at the bottom of your stomach is tightening, ready to snap at any second. But you never feel self conscious when you’re with him - his utmost concern with your pleasure, ensuring you always feel safe and comfortable when you’re with him nourishes the trust you share.

You look down at Bucky between your legs still fully clothed, rutting into the blankets beneath him, as if he’s getting off on purely the taste of you. You swear you’ve never been with a partner who actually enjoys eating you out as much as Bucky does, rather than seeing it as a chore to get through so you’ll suck them off.

Through his long hair, strands of which have fallen in front of his face, his piercing blue eyes look up to find you watching him intently, overflowing pleasure etched on your features, whimpers and moans cascading from your mouth. This only spurs him on. With a smirk you can feel against your sensitive folds, his movements become more frantic, pushing you ever closer to your impending high.

“Make a mess on my face, darling.” His breath is hot against your centre, before diving right back in, tongue feverishly licking up every drop of arousal he himself is responsible for, as his fingers curl to find that spot inside you which makes you see stars.

“Buck- oh god, oh please, right there, fuck yes, yes, right there, don’t stop.” Your thighs squeeze around his head but it doesn’t slow him down. He’s been starving for a week and nothing, even not being able to breathe, is going to stop him from taking you over the edge of ecstasy.

And that’s exactly what he does. With a simultaneous thrust of his fingers and suction on your clit, you cum with a cry of his name, thighs quivering and toes curling as your back arches off the pile of blankets and pillows that are now in disarray.

“That’s my good girl.” He praises, continuing to pump his fingers inside you as his other hand frantically rubs your clit, prolonging your pleasure and causing your body to involuntary jerk as your orgasm fires through every cell in your body.

When you finally come down, completely out of breath and sweat beading on your brow, Bucky smirks at you in his signature, cheeky way where you can’t help a reciprocating smile blossoming in your own features.

“Now, let’s see how many times you can cum on this fat cock.”

* * *

“Bucky?” You mumble with a hoarse voice as your eyes blink open to the bright early afternoon sun streaming through the cracks in Bucky’s curtains, even though you can tell he’s tried to pull them across as far as they will go so you can sleep in mild darkness.

When you don’t get a response you turn over lazily, arm reaching out to the spot beside you on the makeshift bed only to find cool sheets and spare pillows. Your heart drops that even though you got to fall asleep beside Bucky, you haven’t been able to wake up beside him.

That moment of happiness and contentment as you both open your eyes in the morning, being the first thing you each see in the day, after being the last before falling asleep, as soft smiles spread simultaneously over both of your features, is a type of pure magic you don’t want to be deprived of once you’ve had a taste.

Hearing movement and faint sizzling coming from the adjacent kitchen, you pull Bucky’s discarded Henley over your naked form and, with a stifled yawn, shuffle towards your boyfriend.

You take a moment to lean on the doorframe and admire your burly boyfriend, shirtless, with grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips, long hair tied back from his face in a small bun as he pours batter onto a frypan.

You could get used to this.

The muscles of his bare back flex as you rest your cheek on his shoulder blade, your arms snaking around his toned midriff

“Did you sleep well?” He asks softly as the hand he’s not using covers your left hand, fingers naturally slotting between yours. One of your favourite things since officially becoming his girlfriend is how physically affectionate he’s become. He’ll make any excuse to hold your hand, to sling an arm around your shoulders or have you sitting in his lap.

The fact that he seeks out that contact with you, makes your heart flutter each time. Warmth blooms in your chest knowing you’re the only person he wants that affectionate, lovey-dovey connection with.

“Hmm I guess. Wanted to wake up next to you though.” Your arms tighten around his waist, as if to reflexively keep him close and prevent him from moving away as he had done while you were asleep.

“I’m sorry darling, our sleep schedules are just off at the moment.” You kiss a freckle on his shoulder blade, a silent recognition that you understand what he means and you aren’t upset. You observe a shiver running down his back at your soft kiss so you do it again with a smile, loving that you’re the one person who gets to elicit that kind of reaction from him.

“Watcha making?” You ask lazily, standing on your tiptoes so you can see above his shoulder to what he’s cooking in the frypan. The room smells delicious, like sugary sweetness and melting butter

“Pancakes. Figured we’d need some energy after what we did this morning.” He chuckles as you let out a little squeal of delight. No man has ever put the effort in to cook for you before, and now Bucky’s making one of your childhood favourites. “Plus, they’re one of the only things I can make well.”

“They almost look as yummy as you.” You flatter, poking him at the ticklish spot he has just above his hip which makes him squirm and giggle.

“You’ll have to make sure to save room for your dessert then.”

You fall into comfortable silence as you remain resting on his back and Bucky continues to cook the pancakes one at a time, treasuring the closeness given your separation over the past week, but not needing conversation to feel at ease with each other's presence.

“Are you gonna fall asleep on me again, huh?” Bucky’s voice pulls you away from the dark void of sleep you were falling into without realising.

“Maybe… you’re just so comfy.” You mumble, your tired lips barely articulating the words, but Bucky chuckles like he knows what you’ve said.

“Here…” He places the spatula down and before you know it, he’s grabbing you by the hips and lifting you onto the counter beside his stove. He stands between your legs, casually kissing you and hands smoothing over your bare thighs. In this moment it feels as though nothing can come between you, even the prospect of spending the rest of your career on the night shift. “My sweet girl.” He mumbles against your lips, hooking your legs around his waist, getting lost in the taste of you to the extent that he almost forgets about the batter cooking on the pan and has to frantically untangle himself from you to turn them before they burn.

Once the pancakes are done, Bucky serves them up on a plate for each of you and leads you back to the living room with your hand in his, only leaving you huddled in the blankets alone for a moment to go grab all the topping options he purchased specifically for this occasion.

You start eating your pancakes as Bucky fiddles to connect the projector, cursing under his breath when it doesn’t work. You tell him not to mind, because after finishing your pancakes, you’re interested in other activities that don’t involve watching a movie, and making use of the rest of the whipped cream Bucky bought.

Though the weekend will surely go by in a flash, you want to stay in the moment with him and enjoy every sweet and sinful second you get together.

* * *

Before you know it, Monday has come round again and you’re back on the night shift. Yes, the week without Bucky had been difficult and you didn’t like it one bit, but you made it through once, so you know you can do it again.

Besides, your weekend of indulgence certainly made up for the lonely nights and days without seeing him, so you’re using the prospect of a similar weekend as motivation to get through another gruelling week.

Early on in your shift, as you’re preparing to send a young man in for an x-ray of his possibly fractured wrist, a familiar voice calls your name as they approach the nurses desk.

“Buck?” Your heart starts beating frantically thinking something must be catastrophically wrong for him to be in the ER at this time of night. “Is everything okay? Is it your mom?” Your voice is shaky, but your concern isn’t reflected on his face.

If you weren’t in a state of panic, you would have realised that him being in his EMT uniform was an indication of the true reason he found himself inside the hospital, but you fail to notice that detail in the moment of anxiety.

“Darling, everything is fine.” He punctuates his reassurance with a sweet kiss, his large hands calmly cupping your face and savouring the feel of your lips against his. “I swapped shifts with someone on nights for the week. I didn’t want to have to go another whole week without seeing you or sleeping next to you.”

Surprise stuns you for a split second - Bucky changed to the night shift because he missed you that much last week. Your stomach does a flip at how thoughtful his gesture is.

“Or do you mean sleeping with me? Are you a little pussy drunk, Barnes?” You tease.

“Oh I’m most definitely pussy drunk. Pussy addicted even.” He affirms with his signature smirk. Warmth blooms in your chest at how shamelessly he’s into you - you have become accustomed to men’s ambiguous signals, their aversion to commitment, but with Bucky, as soon as you proclaimed yourself as his girlfriend, he’s been nothing but unabashedly yours.

“You really swapped the night shift just for me?” You ask, voice softer and more vulnerable now. No one has ever gone out of their way to inconvenience themselves for you before. Part of your brain can’t believe seeing you more is the only reason Bucky has made the switch. Surely he must have some ulterior motive?

“Of course I did.” He says with an amused lilt as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Your stomach tingles with something of devoted affection when you perceive no trace of deception in his features.

“What about your Ma?” You question, very appreciative of what Bucky has done but concerned he hasn’t thought it through the whole way.

“Steve offered to help out, and I can still see her before each shift in the afternoon and afterwards in the mornings.” He reassures with a smile that relieves any doubt you were feeling. “Spending time with you is important to me. No one makes me feel as happy and content as I do when I’m with you, so when the opportunity presented itself, of course I took it.”

Looking into his steel blue eyes, which regard you with a familiar warmth and devotion, your stomach clenches as the realisation hits you - you have something in this world you’re terrified to lose.

Perhaps his edges are a little jagged by his past, but Bucky makes you feel like you’re in the exact right place at the exact right time, that there’s no rush, nothing to run or hide from, that you are precisely where you’re meant to be.

And though you don’t tell him that you’re falling in love, you kiss him like you do.

Part 7 > >

Be added to the series taglist here

He’s Hazardous To My Health [Paramedic!Bucky Barnes] Taglist: @lavenderpenumbra @crazyunsexycool @eralen @buckbuckyoongs @blackwidownat2814 @roschele @crayongirl-linz @ozwriterchick @desert-fern @misshale21 @chalesleclerc164 @rookthorne @janineb86 @emmabarnes @scarletbich @fallenlilangel99 @princezzjasmine @mdrovert @thebuckybarnesvault @doasyoudesireandlive @solitarioslilium @iamfandomwasted @tanyaspartak @netflixxgoddess @pop-rocks-818 @dumdidditydumdoo @missvelvetsstuff @marvelhoeland @thesadcatto-queen @kayden666 @amiimar @razor-blayde @katheryn1 @safew0rd @kentokaze @thewackywriter @lady-loki-barnes-djarin @badasswlthafatass @Vickie5446 @loveoldmenlikelana @00cmh @pointless-girl @honeyglee @nerdxacid @moonymagician @ashhsage @prettylittlepluviophile @otomefromtheheart @sjsmith56 @mandijo17 @lokidokieokie @oceansandblackhearts @rebeccapineapple @soorwellystan @excusememrbarnes @lofaewrites @snapcapquartet @wishingwell-2 @unaxv

[cherryqueen28]

~Bucky Barnes Master List~

click here for Main Master List

~Bucky Barnes Tumblr~

~HEADCANONS~

✨Bucky Barnes SFW Headcanons  @ohbuckysmetalarm

~ONE SHOTS~

✨Feel Again doctor!Bucky x Reader @wkemeup

Silent Girl + The Winter Soldier Bucky x Reader @kinanabinks

You're My Heaven Bucky x Reader @angrythingstarlight

Midnight Promises Bucky x Reader @fineprintedsunsets

✨here (doesn't have a title) Bucky x Shy!Reader @buckyalpine

✨Stealing Hearts Mob!Bucky x Thief!Reader @sinner-as-saint

Abandoned Bucky x Reader  @queen-of-the-avengers

✨here (doesn't have a title) Bucky x Reader @buckyalpine

✨Safe and Sound Bucky x Librarian!Reader @sinner-as-saint

✨On his knees Hades!Bucky x Mortal!Reader @sweetsweetnuit

here (doesn't have a title) CEO!Bucky x Secretary!Reader @buckyalpine

here (doesn't have a title) Bucky x Reader @buckyalpine

Safe Haven Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

Rescue Me Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

Santa and Sunshine Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

here (doesn't have a title) Biker!Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

The Unseen Hades!Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

Capital Letter Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

Bad Guy Mafia!Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

✨I can save you this time Bucky x Reader @pellucid-constellations

✨I Meant You Bucky x Reader @magicalqueennightmare

✨Faking it Bucky x Reader @pellucid-constellations

✨Step Foot Bucky Barnes x Reader @basicallybarnes

✨Battle Scars Bucky x Reader @time-for-a-lullaby

✨Happy Little Acidents Bucky x Female!Art Teacher!Reader @espinosaurusrexex

✨Firewood Lumberjack!Bucky x reader @mrsbarnesblog

✨Morning Delight Bucky x Reader @mrsbuckybarnes1917

~SERIES~

✨No Day but Today Bucky Barnes x artist!female reader @buckysfaveplum

✨Sun Rise Veteran!Bucky x Librarian!Reader @wkemeup

✨Fight for me Beefy!Bucky x Reader @littleseasiren

✨Trying Bucky Barnes x Reader @moonlight-prose

✨Blink Twice Bucky Barnes x Reader @simmerandwrite

✨Missing Piece Bucky x Reader @likeahorribledream

✨Safe with me Bucky x Reader @bitsandbobsandstuff

✨Undisclosed beefy!Bucky x Reader @pellucid-constellations

✨Pretty Women, this is me trying Bucky x Female Sexworker!Reader @captainsimagines

You're my sunshine Grumpy!Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Fem!Reader (Mob!Au Bodyguard!Au) @theeleggymeggy

✨Our home to heal Bucky x Reader @subwaysurf45

✨Heart Lines Bucky x Reader @buckyskorpion

✨Broken TFWS!Bucky x Reader @soulgazingwithbucky

Drifting CW!Bucky x Reader @real-jane

Something Domestic ex military amputee!Bucky x Reader @fandoms-writings

✨Under Pastel Skies Bucky x Reader AU (also on AO3) @redgillan

Yours to Wield Mob!Bucky x Reader @sinner-as-saint

✨A Little Rusty Mechanic!Bucky x Reader @subwaysurf45

✨Double Agent Bucky x Reader @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Pride and Privacy Bucky x Reader @adrinktostopyourthirst

✨ Guys My Age AU Divorced!DILF!Neighbor!Bucky x Reader @valleyfae

~Bucky Barnes Wattpad~

✨Red-Bucky Barnes x OC author: leatherstuddedx

✨Safe with me author: bitsandbobsandstuff (this is also available to read on Tumblr-- can be found in my Tumblr Bucky Barnes list)

✨Rose author: cassidyhudspeth (couldn't link the story so I linked the authors account) 

✨Recollection author: primuskat

✨Daybreak author: Big_turd_blossom

✨Haven author: mxrvelous- (couldn't link the story so I linked the authors account) 

✨Hard to love author: Hoe4BuckyBarnes

✨HAPPY author: lilyroselilac24

✨missing pieces author: -BUCKYBXRNES

✨The ghost we hide author: galestxrm 

~Bucky Barnes AO3~

✨The Hurt and The Healing by The_Grey_Lady_Weeps

✨What he did to me by opheliaapril

✨Moving forward by MadHatter2019

✨The Safety Deposit Box by tinytofuturle

✨The White Wolf by HumanDisorder

✨The Strong, Silent Type by Loloorenn

✨Coming in hot by adarasink

✨Good Heart (Faulty Machine of a Man) by lightninginmyeyes

[imtryingbuck]

His Flower.

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky and Y/n have known each other since they were babies, they love each other but don’t say anything until Bucky goes to war.

Word count: 11,963

Warnings: angst. fluff. mentions of cheating (not Bucky) mentions of domestic abuse. Swearing. Steve never visits Peggy when she’s old. Bucky knew about Steve getting the serum. Pregnancy. Sad Bucky (that’s a warning in itself) Bucky was accused of the bombing in Vienna in 2015 in this. Blip happens but none of the avengers get blipped nor do any of them die. There’s a lot…so if I’ve missed anything please let me know

Masterlist

May 21st 1922

“Y/n stop running!”

“No”

“Why?”

“You have the lurgy”

Winnie and Y/m/n was standing in the shared courtyard laughing at the two five year olds as James ran after Y/n, the latter running as fast as her little legs could move.

The two women became friends rather quickly after Y/n, her mom and dad moved in next door just when Y/n was a year old. Baby James and Y/n spent everyday since they were introduced to each other, together.

“Those two…” Winnie laughed with a shake of her head as James finally grabs ahold of Y/n, her screams of laughter makes both mothers laugh along.

That was until the screams of laughter turns in to screams of pain.

James tripped over a loose concrete slab, in turn knocking into Y/n causing her to fall face first on the ground. Smacking her face and cracking her tooth.

“I-I-I’m sor-sorry Y/n I’m sorry” James cried backing up as their mothers came rushing over. His tiny hands shook as tears streamed down his puffy cheeks, he could see the blood flowing from her lips when her mom picked her up.

“Mo-momma it wa-was acciden-t I promise”

“I know sweetie, it’s okay” Winnie said after she helped her friend. Seeing her son shaking and crying as he backs up to the wall furthest away from them broke her heart, she and Y/m/n knew it was an accident and they both knew that James would never hurt his friend.

“I-it was accident” he hiccuped.

“Wan’ Jamie, mama wan’ Jamie”

Hearing her teary voice he pushed himself off the wall and ran around his ma going straight to Y/n. “I got you” whispering in to her hair as he wraps his arms around her.

December 24th 1922

As the fire crackled next to James and Y/n as they played with his toy trains and cars Y/n’s parents argued in the kitchen, from what Y/n could tell from this latest argument was that her dad had been fucking another woman. Again.

“Jamie what fucking mean?”

“I don’t know. I think it makes you cry”

“Mama always cries when dada fucking other women”

James shrugs, honestly feeling a little bit scared because of the raised voices and things being slammed down on the counters though he was just five years old he was trying to be brave in front of his friend.

The voices got louder as Y/n’s mom was pushing her dad into the hallway, screaming at him that this was the last time and for him to never come back. A photo frame that hung up on the wall falls and smashes loudly on the floor causing James to flinch, Y/n notices and takes his hand in hers smiling - she’s grown accustomed to the bangs, screaming matches and things being broken that it doesn’t bother her anymore.

James flinched once again when the front door opens and slams shut with a deafening bang. His scared wide eyes looked at Y/n’s, she gets up and moves to sit next to him as her mom screams once more and stomps up the stairs no doubt to chuck all of her fathers clothes out of the window.

“I got you”

She promised as she wraps her small arms around his body.

March 10th 1923

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE”

Y/n screamed as she ran over to him, she was so excited for his birthday she had made him a card and got him a new wooden train.

“Ahhh who are you little monster?” He screamed when she jumped on his back.

“‘M not a monster”

“You are”

“Not”

“Are”

“Kids stop arguing, you’re both monsters” Winnie laughed hugging Y/m/n.

“It’s my birthday Flower”

“No it’s my birthday”

“No it isn’t”

Both moms roll their eyes as the kids continue to argue, heading into the kitchen leaving both of them to stand in the hallway arguing.

Y/m/n was sipping the coffee that Winnie had made her, Winnie expressed how happy she was for her friend for not taking back her husband, though finding it sad that he hadn’t been around to see Y/n. Luckily George stepped up and had even brought the five year old a present for Christmas.

“Mama where is present?” Y/n asked running up to her mom.

“Here sweetie and here’s the card you made” handing over the present and card, Y/n smiled and thanked her.

“Here you go Jamie. I made the card all by myself!”

“Thank you Flower” opening the card he smiles at her messy handwriting and the drawing of him and her that she drew. James gave her a kiss on her cheek before handing the card over to Winnie, then he opened the brown paper wrapping. “Flower…”

“It’s a train Jamie”

“I-thank you so much!” James had his other one stolen from Jimmy who lived across the street, mean kid who loved to bully younger kids.

“It’s okay. Do you like it?”

“I love it Flower”

June 2nd 1930

James and Y/n were walking down the street talking about how school went when James grabbed her hand causing her to pull it away and blush, giggling when he tried to grab her again.

“Flower stop, listen do you hear that?”

“No-wait now I do, what is it? Do you think it’s an animal? Can we keep it?”

“Yeah because animals can speak” he rolls his eyes, moving towards the entrance of the alleyway where the noise was coming from he turned to Y/n “stay here-“

“No I’m coming with you!”

“No you’re not. Just stay here”

Nodding in defeat Y/n watched him walk down the alleyway, a few minutes later she sees Jimmy and his goons running out and down the street. Running in the direction that James went she came to a halt when she saw him picking up a guy who was a lot smaller than him.

“Jamie who’s that?”

“Flower I told you stay where I told you to”

“Who is that?”

“M-my names Steve” the blonde said fixing his shirt.

“Hello Steve my names Y/n and this is James” moving closer to them she held her hand out to the blonde, turning to James “can we keep him?”

“Y/n he’s not an animal”

“But can we? We can be best friends forever and ever and ever and-“

“I’m sorry about her, she gets a bit excited sometimes” James said to Steve both watching Y/n go bright red as she continued to say ‘and ever’. “Flower breath”

“And ever and ever, please Jamie can we keep him I’ll be good forever and ever and ever-“

“Do you want to be our friend? Please say yes just to shut this one up”

Steve looked at both of them debating whether or not this was a prank, he’d gotten so use to being alone that the prospect of having two new friends scared him. But he could see the hopeful look in Y/n’s and James’s eyes, maybe just maybe this wasn’t a prank and maybe they genuinely want to be his friend.

“So…” Y/n asked getting impatient.

“O-ok, yes I’ll be your friend”

“Amazing! Come on we’re going to Mollys to get a burger-“

“And a milkshake! Have you ever been to Mollys? They make the best milkshake ever don’t they Jamie, they do so Stevie I swear”

“I apologise for her” James started.

Steve just smiled and shook his head “it’s okay bu-but I don’t have any money so I can’t come with you”

“Don’t worry about it Stevie I’ll pay for you. My father’s dead so we got money” Steve’s eyes went wide at how nonchalantly Y/n said that her father was dead.

“I-I’m sorry-“

“Don’t be I didn’t like him, so what milkshake do you want? They have vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. My favourite is strawberry and chocolate and Jamies is chocolate”

“Oh I-I’ve never had-“

James rolled his eyes as he knew what was coming. Steve looked at him wondering what he had said wrong when Y/n loudly gasped and threw herself on the ground.

“Flower-“

“He. Has. Never. Had. Milkshake. Before. Jamie”

“I know-“

“I-how, how does this even happen?”

“You going to get off the floor?”

“I can’t”

James leans over to take her hand in his and helped her stand. “Next time don’t throw yourself on the ground, your ma will get mad at you for ruining your skirt again”

“Come on Steve I’m going to blow your mind with the best milkshake in the world” ignoring James’s words she grabbed Steve’s hand and started to drag him to Mollys.

“Flower stop dragging him and be careful!”

To be truthful Steve didn’t honestly mind that she was dragging him along the pavement, he was quite excited about trying something new.

“Sooo whatcha think?” Y/n asked as soon as the glass was put in front of him.

“Flower he hasn’t even tried it yet” James laughed though he did have to admit that he was also wondering what his new friend was going to think of the drink.

Taking the straw in his mouth he took slow sips, liking the way it tasted straight away. “It’s good, I like it”

“Yes!” Y/n screamed causing some of the customers to look at her, not like she cared.

Luanne came over to serve them, she was an older lady who had grown use to the antics that James and Y/n liked to cause. As soon as she saw the two coming down the street she always had their milkshakes at the ready, knowing that on Monday, Tuesday and Friday Y/n had strawberry and the other days chocolate.

“Your usual darlings?”

“Yes please, Stevie what do you want?”

“I-I don’t have mo-“

“It’s on me I told you. We get burger and fries and they are the best”

“I-are you sure?”

“The best ever I promise”

“N-no about buying me food…you’ve already brought me a drink”

“Don’t be silly, do you want the same at us?”

“Okay, thank you”

Luanne smiled and walked away back to behind the counter. Steve watched as James or Bucky as he told him to call him, put his arm around Y/n’s shoulder and point at someone walking down the street. He couldn’t help but smile when Y/n laughed at whatever Bucky had said.

The food had come and true to her word it was amazing, Luanne came back over to hand them new drinks winking at Y/n who winked back, he found out that the second milkshakes were free. For the first time in Steve’s life he laughed and smiled genuinely, he had no idea that being beat up in some dingy alleyway would lead him to be making two new friends who actually seemed like they cared about him already.

Steve knew he had made two friends for life.

14th February 1931

“Hey Stevie” Y/n sang as she skipped up to him.

“Hey Y/n/n you still doing that?” Referring to her skipping, it was a new phase she was going through. Every where she went she skipped.

“Of course” she giggled.

“Where’s Bucky?”

“With his girlfriend” she grumbled. Poor James thought his best friend liked his girlfriend but Steve observant as always knew that this was indeed not the case.

“Yo-you still don’t like her I guess?”

“No. Are you okay? Is your eczema play-“

“Asthma, Y/n I have asthma”

“Oh yeah ah, is it playing up today?” Receiving a nod she nods too. “How about we walk super slow so you can catch your breath”

“I-I need to g-get back to home, n-need to help ma cle-clean up”

“That’s okay I’ll help you and your mom I don’t mind”

“A-ar-are you sure?”

“Of course, plus I’ve missed your mom”

Arriving at the Rogers’s residence Sarah greeted Y/n with a tight hug and a kiss to her cheek happy to see the young girl again. Ten minutes into cleaning Y/n told Steve to sit down as his asthma was getting worse, Sarah tried to help out but Y/n just shook her head and told her that it was fine.

She truly didn’t mind helping in cleaning up, she had grown use to having to do it at home since her mom was always working and her step father was too lazy and drunk most of the time to do it.

A year after kicking her father out of the house for the last time her mom got divorced from him as he was wanting to marry the woman he had been cheating on her with. Unfortunately her mom married another lazy man who only thought of himself.

But her mom was happy so Y/n was happy for her.

When her father died for some reason her mom received all his money. Which it had annoyed his new wife tremendously.

“It’s getting late darling, you should head home-oh just before you go here’s some mon-“

“No need to Mrs Sarah, I’ll see you tomorrow Stevie”

Waving goodbye and leaving the house before Sarah could argue about giving her money, skipping down the street she didn’t realise how dark it was when she was in the warm home that belonged to the Rogers.

As she got closer to home she came to a stop when she heard strange noises come from an alleyway, choosing to inspect the sounds she crept down the dark path, furrowing her eyebrows at hearing two different voices she was about to pop her head around before freezing.

“Oh Bucky” a girl moaned.

Slapping her hand across her mouth she started to stumble back. Of course she knew that James was going to be having sex, he was handsome and every girl wanted him, and of course she knew what they was doing she wasn’t stupid but hearing what followed after the girl moaned broke her heart.

He called his girlfriend Flower.

The name that he had always called her he was now calling someone else it. It was her nickname that he gave her since they was four and now he was calling some girl he had been dating for two  months her name.

It broke her heart.

For three weeks she had managed to successfully avoid James she knew it was silly for not talking to her best friend over a nickname that he had every right to call someone else but she just couldn’t help but feel down knowing that she wasn’t his flower anymore.

“Y/n, Bucky and Steve’s here for you” her mom shouted from the door, she could hear her talking to them from where she was stood at from the top of the stairs.

Her heart dropped when her mom told both boys just to head up to her room. Scrambling and knocking over her little brother she ran into her room, shutting the door quietly before jumping on the springy mattress causing the metal bed frame to squeak loudly.

“Knock knock little monster” she could hear the smile in his voice.

“Come in” and she also knew that he would be frowning at her response, it wasn’t the usual one she gave him.

“Hi Flower” if he noticed her tensing he didn’t say anything about it.

“Hi Y/n/n”

“Hi boys. What are you doing here?”

“Missed you, you haven’t been around much” James said watching her reaction.

“I’ve been busy” she shrugged. It wasn’t a total lie but wasn’t the whole truth either.

“Doing?” James knew that she was lying, whenever she did she could never look him in the eyes.

“Things”

“What kind of things?”

“Things James! I do not understand why you are so noisy”

“Because I miss my Flower” stating it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He frowned when she flinched at his nickname for her. “W-what was that for? Why did you flinch”

“I-I don’t know what your talking about”

“You flinched when I called you Flower”

“You did Y/n” Steve interrupted, he did hate having to come in between his best friends but he knew that if he didn’t it would probably go on and on.

“I-“ sighing with a huff she shrugged her shoulders. She knew James better than anyone she knew he wasn’t going to give up any time soon. “I heard you”

“Heard me? What are you talking about?”

“Calling your girlfriend Flower”

“I-I’ve never-”

“In the alleyway when you were having sex”

Steve shifted awkwardly on his feet whilst James stood still like a statue. He couldn’t understand what the problem was, so what he was having sex at least it was with his girlfriend, why would his best friend be upset about that?

“You called her Flower James.”

Oh. Oh shit.

“I-you-it-“

“Whatever it’s just a nickname right? I’m sorry that I haven’t spoken to you in weeks but it hurt Jamie, but she’s your girlfriend-“

“I broke up with her”

“Right…so can we be friends again?”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I broke up with her?”

“No. I just want to be your flower again”

“You’ve always have been Y/n, nobody will take that away from you”

Sliding off the bed she jumped on James, wrapping her arms and legs around him hugging him like she had never done before.

Yes it hurt because he had called someone else the name he had given her but she realised she was being silly for not talking to him over it, he was her best friend as well as Steve and that’s all that mattered.

December 10th 1941

The Second World War had been going on for three years and now America was getting involved after the attack on Pearl Harbour, it’s all everyone spoke about, before there was young men leaving their homes and families to go over to Britain to help fight, a fight they had no reason to be apart off other than to help beat the bad guys, now no one had a choice but to fight.

When James told Y/n that he too enlisted in the army it crushed her heart, she knew he was doing it to help defend his country but that didn’t stop her from being scared. Scared of losing him.

“I can do this all day” Steve panted as the guy tried to get closer to him and Y/n. Y/n couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Steve’s confidence, she knew that he could not in fact do this all day. His asthma was getting the better of him.

Just as Steve was about to leap forward to defend himself and Y/n the guy was pulled away by the scruff of his jacket.

“Pick on someone your own size” James kicked the guy away, watching as the bully scramble away.

Y/n and Steve stood there frozen on the spot at seeing James dressed in his uniform.

It was really happening. She was going to lose her best friend.

“Why are you wearing that?”

“Because I’m a pirate. I’ve been recruited Flower, I ship out tomorrow” though James had a smile on his face his stomach churned at reminding himself of when he was going to fight, churned at not knowing when he was going to see his Flower or Steve again or if he ever would.

“Tomorrow? T-that’s not enough time-no Jamie you can’t-“

“I have to Y/n-“

“Tell them no.”

“You want me to tell the US Army no?”

“Yes”

“Flower”

“Or I’ll do it if your to chicken”

“Chicken? Really?”

“Guys stop arguing.” Steve tried to intervene but it was too late. He watched as his two best friends argued back and forth, feeling annoyed at the fact that he had been rejected once again no matter what name he used or what area he said he was from. And yet his best friend had been accepted by the Army and was allowed to go and fight against the bad guys.

“Anyway come on, we’re going to the Stark Expo”

What James failed to mention to the pair that he had a date with Connie or was it Bonnie? He couldn’t actually remember but whoever he was going on a date with the other girl was for Steve, he felt slightly bad that Y/n would have to be fifth wheeling even if he knew that she would end up leaving under the arm of some guy.

“-so I told him that he had to look after his own children you know? And guess what he said to me-Stevie? Ste-not again” Y/n muttered when she realised that not only had she been talking to herself for god knows how long, but when she turned around she saw the small frame of her best friend going into a recruiting tent that was set up at the Expo.

Following after him she watched as he went into a small makeshift room, entering she laughed when Steve tried to cover his naked chest.

“Steve seriously? You can’t keep doing this-“

“Why not? I can fight, just because I’m smaller then everyone including you doesn’t mean that I can’t help“

“You’d be killed straight away Steven!”

“So what?”

“So what? Steve-“

“I’ve agreed to be part of a science project for a doctor-“

“A science project? Steve what the hell are you talking about?”

“I-it doesn’t matter what does matter is that I’ve been accepted and I’m going to war”

“No. I forbid you from going”

“Forbid me?” Steve scoffed finding her behaviour stupid. He wanted to do that right thing and she was forbidding it. Ridiculous. “You can’t stop me Y/n”

“I-I don’t want to lose you too”

“What are you talking about? Buck will be fine”

“He might not Steve you don’t know this. I can’t-don’t want to lose my best friends please just stay with me here an-and wait for Ja-“

“No Y/n I’m doing this! Stop being selfish”

Being called selfish had whatever response she was going to reply back with to die on her tongue. Y/n was called selfish time and time again by her step father when she wouldn’t look after her siblings, his children. She had grown to detest that word, hated to be called it which James and Steve knew.

Steve instantly knew that he had messed up but before he could apologise he watched his best friend nod, spin on her heels and walked out.

James looked around with a smile on his lips when the flying car got higher off the ground frowning when he didn’t see Flower or Steve, his eyes darted around to find them, his left eye twitched slightly when he saw Y/n coming out of the recruiting tent he knew she had probably tried to talk to Steve out of signing up. 

Ever since the war was declared Steve had become slightly obsessed with going on the front lines along with the rest of the hero’s and fight. James and Y/n took it in turns to get Steve away from the recruiting centres, took it in turns comforting him when he got turned down because of his health problems.

Leaving the girls where they were he went to find Steve to see what had happened. “Steve seriously man just give up”

“Don’t start Buck I’ve had enough of Y/n trying to stop me.” Steve told Bucky how Dr Erskine had given him the opportunity of joining the war to the whole conversation between him and Y/n, he quietly told his best friend that he had called their friend selfish.

“You called her selfish? Steve!”

“I know okay I know I messed up but-“

“Did she say where she was going?”

“No, I thought she was going to find you”

Bucky goes to reply when he gets interrupted by the two girls that he and Steve were meant to be on a date with, asking if they were still going dancing, James sighed before telling them no he had other plans. The girls wasn’t happy but James didn’t care, he needed to find his Flower.

Saying his goodbyes to Steve he turned on his heels to go to Y/n’s house.

Knocking on the door he waited patiently for someone to open, Y/n’s little sister opened and smiled instantly showing Bucky her missing front teeth. “Y/ns in her room”

“Thanks little one���

“‘M not little anymore!” She pouted, the same pout that reminded him of Y/n’s when she was younger.

“No, no you’re not” ruffling her hair he laughed when she tried to hit him, he’s always had a habit of winding up their younger siblings.

Bounding up the stairs nearly tripping over the toy train that belonged to her younger brother he turned the corner and knocked on Y/n’s bedroom door.

“Go away”

“Wow that’s rude Flower”

“Jamie?”

“Who else is calling you flower?”

“No one”

“Are you going let me in or we going to keep talking with a door in between us?”

“You may enter”

Entering her bedroom his heart clenched in his chest at seeing her eyes and cheeks red, tear strained track marks on her puffy cheeks. Ever since they were young he’s always hated seeing her cry.

His stomach dropping when he sees the photograph in her hands, knowing exactly which one it was. James had dragged Y/n and Steve to Coney Island for the day, James made Steve go on the Cyclone which was absolutely terrifying yet amazing at the same time. Steve didn’t quite enjoy it like Bucky or Y/n as he vomited pretty much everywhere.

Winnie, had taken the photo that morning they were standing outside the home James grew up in, smiling at the camera. Y/n in the middle of the two guys, Bucky had his arm around her shoulder and she had hers around Steve.

It was the only photo she had of the three of them.

“Flower…”

“He’s leaving me too, a doctor-a scientist has told him that he can join if he takes part in an experiment James. I-I don’t want to lose you both Jamie”

“Hey-hey your not losing either one of us doll-“

“But I am. This war is dangerous and if I lose either one of you I-I-“

“I promise you that I’ll come back-“

“You can’t promise me that Buck”

“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, you know this. And I’ll always come back to you Y/n, always. Especially if you let me make an honest woman out of you” his voice went quieter, serious, hopeful that she would hear the genuine words that he spoke.

“You…want to-after going on a date with someone else on your last night of freedom-want to make an honest woman out of me?”

“I, yes. Y/n flower it’s always been you”

“I should be the one making an honest woman out of you-wait-what?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at her facial expression when she finally registers his words “I’ve been in love with you for so long Y/n”

“And you’re telling me this the night before you ship off to god knows where?”

“You know me Flower, I’ve always been good with timing”

“You really aren’t” she laughed.

“Am too. But what do you say? When I get back I’ll marry you, get us a nice house maybe on a farm? We can have all the animals you want-yes even a dinosaur even though they don’t exist-and we’ll have children, and we can be happy forever”

“Y-you really want that with me?”

“There’s no one else in this world that I want that life with Flower”

Instead of verbally answering she threw herself into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and nodding so fast Bucky thought her head might fall off. Bucky held her face in between his hands just staring at her, he knew that she would never see herself in the same way he has always seen her, he lent in pressing his lips to hers hopefully being able to show her how much he loved her without saying those words out loud.

That night they slept arm in arm with one another both equally dreading for the sun to come up.

When the sun finally made an appearance, he left with the promise that he would be back in an hour so that their families could walk him to the docks, and not without stealing another kiss from her.

Hand in hand an hour later with Winnie, Rebecca, Y/m/n, Y/n’s stepdad and siblings met up with Steve who was waiting outside Mollys with three milkshakes. Everyone walked ahead whilst the three best friends walked slowly behind them, wanting to try and delay the inevitable.

“My promise still stands Flower, I’ll come home and we’ll have the perfect life together. I promise”

“You best come home to me then Jamie or I’ll beat you up”

“Wouldn’t doubt that for a second” he chuckled, everyone else joins in. “I promise to be safe and come home to you Flower. And I’ll write to you when I can okay?”

“I’ll write back to you I promise.”

When the last signal called for all soldiers to get on the ship, Bucky swallowed the sob that tried to make its way out of his plumb lips. Hugging his ma and sister one last time, and his best friends mom and siblings before making his way to Steve, hugging Steve he asked the blonde to look after Y/n which Steve promised he would. Standing in front of Y/n he smiled sadly and wiped her tears away before kissing her one last time, he’d already grown addicted to the way she tasted and the way her lips fit perfectly against his.

He couldn’t wait until he got back so he could spend the rest of his life kissing her.

March 15th 1942

“Y/n there’s a letter here for you!” Her little sister shouted from the bottom of the stairs, there was only one person that would be writing to her, hearing her sister she fell out of the bed with how fast she was trying to get out of it, running down the stairs she grabbed the letter out of her sisters hand.

“Y/n slow down” her mom tried to warn her but it was no use she was already running back upstairs. The excitement getting the better of her. Ripping open the envelope she settled back on her bed.

***

Dear Flower,

It’s been three months since I last saw you and I’m missing you more and more everyday, how are you? Have you been missing me? How’s Steve been? I’ve wrote to him too but I know you’ll tell me the truth.

I’m still holding on to my promise I made so don’t be finding any other man, please.

I’m sorry it’s not the longest letter but I don’t have much time, I’m sorry.

I love you Flower, I should have told you that the last time I saw you but just know I do with all my heart, I’ll see you soon.

All my love

Your Jamie.

***

“So…what did he say?” Y/n was so engrossed in the letter she didn’t hear her bedroom door squeak open or see her mom and sister standing in the doorway.

“H-he said he loves me, momma he loves me”

“Have you only just noticed?”

“What?”

“That boy has been in love with you for as long as I can recall” her mom said as matter of factly.

“I-I need paper a-an-and a pen I need to tell him that I love him too”

Her mom smiled before handing her a piece of paper and a pen that she hid behind her back, she even gave her money so she could get a stamp to put on the letter.

***

Dear Jamie,

I love you.

I’ve been doing good, helping down at the factory with the rest of the women it’s good, I’ve made a friend her names Dot her husband is also fighting, she’s got two kids and Jamie they are the cutest little kids I’ve seen! Of course I have been missing you Jamie! Steve’s doing okay, he’s got a crush on a British woman names Peggy (but don’t tell him I told you that) she’s pretty, smart and really nice. I think she likes him too!

No other man will take me away from you Jamie I promise, I can’t wait to marry you and be able to wind you up for the rest of our lives together, I’m joking. Or am I?

Don’t apologise for your letter being short, anything is better than not having any from you, as long as you are okay and safe that’s all that matters to me.

I love you with all my heart to Jamie, honestly and truly.

Be safe and come home to me.

All my love

Your Flower.

***

Folding the letter and sliding it in an envelope her mom had given her when she was writing, she slipped her letter into the envelope sealing it off she ran downstairs slipping her shoes on she ran out of the house and down the street to the post office.

“A-a s-stamp pl-please” she panted at the worker.

The second the stamp was sealed securely on her envelope she posted it. Her heart raising rapidly, the temptation to just stand there and wait for the mailman to collect all the letters was there until someone cleared their throat from behind her.

“Sorry, I’m sorry” she muttered before leaving, now she just had to wait now until Bucky wrote her back. Shouldn’t be too long. Hopefully.

June 21st 1943

She last received a letter from James three months ago, he told her where he was and how he was doing, told her all about his comrades, told her that he’d come back to her. Ended that letter like the rest, with him telling her how much he loved her. Writing back as quickly as possible she told him how things were going, telling him about her news friends from the factory, and like all the others she ended it with telling him how much she loved him.

Everyday for three months she waited patiently for a letter to come, sighing deeply when she never received one. She was starting to get nervous at the prospect of something bad happening to him, but she kept pushing that thought away as she saw Rebecca everyday at the factory and she hadn’t said anything to her.

Six months after James left for war Y/n moved to a small apartment above the post office, it was small but enough for just her. One night after finishing her shift at the factory, Mary who worked at the post office came running out to her handing her a letter, Y/n ran up the stairs struggled to open her front door like always before she managed to get it to open, quickly closing and locking the door - keeping her promise to James who had made her promise to keep her front door locked at all times.

***

Dear Flower,

I’ve missed you terribly. How are you? I hope you’re okay and safe.

How’s Steve doing? He’s not been really responding to my letters. I’m a bit worried about him.

I’m sorry my letters are getting shorter, it’s just things have been hectic lately.

You’re in my thoughts and prayers every day and night, I’ll come home soon and I’m all yours forever I promise.

I love you more than anything Y/n.

All my love

Your Jamie.

***

Wiping her tears she moved to get her paper and pen, settling on her couch she started to write.

***

Dear Jamie,

I’m missing you more and more every day, I’m doing okay and I’m safe, you do not need to worry about me just as long as you are safe and sound that’s all that matters to me.

Steve will be getting the serum tomorrow (22nd June) I’m scared for him but Peggy has told me that everything will be okay. She’s even said I can come along too, Rebecca has said she will cover my shift because she’s an angel. Steve’s been busy but he’s okay I promise, oh…he jumped on a grenade BUT don’t worry it wasn’t a real one! I screamed and cried when Peggy told me, then I smacked Steve…he deserved it.

I’ve already told you not to worry about the shortness of your letters, I reread every single one of them over and over again.

You’re in my thoughts and prayers day in and day out.

I love you more and more than you’ll ever know. 

All my love

Your Flower.

***

Sealing the letter in the envelope she unlocked the door and skipped downstairs where Mary unlocked the door and handed her a stamp, Mary knew the routine that Y/n had every time she got a letter that she waited long after closing so her new friend could post it that same day.

“Thanks Mary”

“Don’t need to thank me, how is he?”

“He didn’t say…but he said he misses me, it’s hectic over there so”

“It’s understandable, are you meeting Steve and that Brit tomorrow?”

“Peggy-“ Y/n laughed “-and yes, it’s a very big day tomorrow”

“What’s happened again?”

“H-he has a special operation and I’m just going for emotional support” she smiled, Peggy told her not to say anything to anyone but Mary had overheard Y/n talking to Steve about it. So she told her Mary that it was an operation he was having.

“Well I hope it goes well. I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight darling”

The next morning Y/n waited outside for Steve and Peggy to show up, nearly ten minutes later a sleek black car pulled up and Peggy got out greeting her. Instantly regretting sitting in the middle of two people who were flirting, made worse by Steve as he didn’t realise that Peggy was in fact flirting.

Just like the car ride Y/n blanked out most of what Dr Erskine was waffling on about, her eyes kept going to the bed where Steve lay strapped in to Howard Stark, still slightly star struck.

Everything happened next was lost on her. Her heart raced when she heard Steve screaming in the chamber, a beast of a man was released from said chamber it looked like Steve, her best friend Stevie but this guy was huge. Strong. Muscly. Taller.

Before Steve had to look up to her and now it was the other way around. He said her name and smiled, he pulled her into his arms as she gaped at her best friend’s transformation. Steve released her to look at Peggy as she moved closer.

The unmistakable bang of a gun firing sounded in the room, Steve wasted no time in knocking Y/n on the ground covering her body with his. Dr Erskine had been shot, Steve took off barefoot after the gunman, Y/n’s hands were drenched in blood as she tried to put pressure on the wound, Howard Stark helping her by covering his hands over hers.

It all happened in a blur.

It all happened to fast.

She didn’t like it, she was scared.

She wanted Jamie.

She was always safe with her Jamie.

“Y/n? Y/n look at me love, it’s Peggy. I need you to concentrate”

But she couldn’t. There was too much blood. There was chaos in the background and the only thing she could focus on was the shaking of her hands covered in someone else’s blood.

“Y/n please darling snap out of it” that sounded a lot like Howard she thought to herself.

She could hear them talking then she saw Howard standing and moving away slowly. Then everything came into focus. The look of distress in Peggy’s eyes, the destruction of the room, the white sheet covering a body.

“S-Steve?”

“He’s, he’s okay. We need to go love”

“I-I-I want Jamie”

“I know but he isn’t here right now an-and he will be rather mad at me if I don’t get you out of here, so please follow me”

Despite the blood on Y/n’s hands Peggy still took them in hers and helped her stand, although Peggy didn’t really know Y/n all that well she knew that Steve cared deeply for her, making her care about the woman. Her main focus was getting Y/n to safety and then she could worry about everything else.

December 10th 1944

It’s been well over a year since Y/n watched Dr Erskine get shot and killed, in that year she went back to work in the factory. Nothing really changed for her in that year that had gone by, months would go by without a letter from Bucky she knew that he was still alive as his family wasn’t informed to state that he was dead.

It brought her some relief. But that didn’t stop the sadness from sinking in when she didn’t get a letter.

Steve had become a circus monkey for America, gaining himself the name Captain America. When she saw one of his shows for the very first time she couldn’t stop laughing. The outfit. The way he looked so unsure and uncomfortable. The music. The acting. It was laughable.

“Stop laughing Y/n” Steve said walking into the tent as she followed behind him.

“I-god you look ridiculous Stevie”

“Stop laughing!” He tried to act mad but her laugh had his lips turning upwards. For Steve it had been a long time since he heard her laugh like that. He missed it.

In October of 1943 Steve showed up at her apartment acting different, he was quieter, avoided talking about Bucky. Y/n had asked him if there was something wrong but all he did was give her a tight lipped smile and shook his head.

He wanted to tell her that he was told that Bucky and his unit had been captured as POWs, he wanted to reassure her that he was going to do everything in his power to get him back, to bring him home to her so they could get the life he’s knows they’ve always wanted with each other. 

But he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring himself to say them words and see her smile fade, tears gather in her eyes so he remained silent and listened to her rambling about something one of the girls said at work.

He couldn’t fail her, he was going to bring Bucky back no matter what it took.

Unbeknownst to Y/n not only was Bucky captured and then saved by their once scrawny little friend but that in ten minutes there was going to be a knock at the door and she’d be taken by two soldiers to go somewhere.

“It’s like I’m invisible” Bucky mutters when Peggy doesn’t even give him a second glance, he found it funny that Peggy had to practically spell it out for the blonde to understand what she was trying to hint. He knew that if Y/n was here and saw the exchange she would have been smiling so wide with her hands clasped together against her heart.

A small smile made its way to his lips as he thought about Y/n, his Flower. As soon as he got back to camp from being saved by Steve he went straight to his tent and wrote a letter to her, sealing it up in an envelope he got from one of the soldiers, giving it to the person he needed to for it to be sent off. Already excited for her letter. He missed her more than anything.

“You thinking about her Buck?” Steve’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Of course, she’s always on my mind-what?”

“Who’s always on your mind?”

“Ms Potts from down the street-“ he rolled his eyes “-Y/n, you’re an idiot sometimes Steve I swear”

“I’m always on your mind Jamie?”

Bucky’s eyes went wide looking Steve in the eyes, the blonde just smiled at him. Slowly turning around, his heart thumped loudly in his chest, blood rushing in his ears he turned to find the source of the voice he has missed hearing.

Well aware that his unit, his team, strangers that became friends were standing around, he didn’t care if they saw their Sergeant with tears gathering in his eyes.

He didn’t care about anything other than Y/n who was currently standing in front of him. Her flower print dress fit perfectly, lightly moving as she stands there. Her eyes focused on him as he took her in, god she was so beautiful.

“F-Flower?”

“Hi Jamie”

“Wha-how-your really here? I’m not dreaming again am I?”

“No” she giggled, the sound making his heart tingle.

“If you don’t kiss her I will” Dum Dum shouted making everyone laugh. But not Bucky. No it made him move quicker than he’d ever moved before, cupping her face in his hands he smiled before placing his lips to hers. Steve joined in with everyone else as they cheered and clapped. 

“You’re really here” Bucky whispered against her lips, resting his forehead against hers breathing in her scent.

“I’m really here”

That night he took her to his hotel room that they had been allowed to stay at, and made love to her for the first time. Three times that night. One more time before they had to say goodbye to each other again.

Just as she was about to get into the car Bucky kissed her one last time, and got down on one knee, proposing to her with a metal nut - that he had found in the room they shared - asking her to marry him before she could answer he promised that once he was back he’d buy her a ring.

Kissing him she held out her hand for him to slid the nut onto her finger.

“I’m getting married to my Flower” he said as the car that carried his love away. Steve smiled at his best friend’s happiness.

January 28th 1945

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Dot asked Y/n as she threw up for the second time that day.

“I’m okay. Must have been something I ate”

“You sure? Didn’t you say you saw James last month?”

“Yes…why?”

“Did you two…you know”

“Wha-oh, yes, a few times” she admitted, her cheeks going bright red.

“Do you think? Maybe? Right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You might be pregnant” Dot whispered.

Her head spun as the words from her friend settled in. She hadn’t had her period she realised. No. Surely not, right?

“Go and see the doctor after your shift and check” Dot continued.

“I have half an hour off before I start back up again”

“I’ll cover you”

“You’ve got kids you need to-“

“My mom’s here to help me, I’ll be fine”

“But-“

“No buts missy, you need to find out if you are.”

After twenty minutes of arguing back and forth with Dot, Y/n finally caved. Going to the hospital she waited patiently for her bloods to be taken. Completely unaware that across town two families were receiving the worst news.

Getting her keys out of her bag she froze when she saw Steve standing outside her apartment dressed in civilian clothing as Bucky called it now.

“Steve? Hey! What are you doing here?”

“Y/n, I need to talk to you”

“Is it Jamie? Steve? Where’s Bucky?”

But Steve didn’t answer instead he took her keys from her shaking hands and unlocked the door, pushing it open he turned to grasp her arm and guided her in to her apartment. His heart sinking further into his stomach than it already was before coming to her apartment, when he saw the metal nut still sitting on her finger.

“Steve…”

“I failed you Y/n/n I-I’m so sorry”

“He’s okay. He is. I know it”

Shaking his head the scene replying over and over in his head like it had for the past week since he watched his best friend fall to his death “H-he-he’s gone Y/n, I’m so-sorry” He jumps up just in time to catch her as she falls to her knees, a painful sob leaving her lips.

Sadly Steve wasn’t done.

“Y/n…there’s something else, Michael…he’s been killed”

Michael was her half brother. She was close with him, closer to him than she was with her younger siblings. Michael never failed to make her laugh, he always acted like he was the oldest one of the two though there was eight years between them. Y/n was the first person he told when he got his orders from the Army, she hugged him as he cried. It’s not that he didn’t want to fight and help it was that he was terrified.

“No! No you’re lying.”

Helping her stand he took her home where her mom’s screams and cries could be heard from outside the home. Watching as mom and daughter cling together from the doorway Steve let a few tears fall.

Two days after finding out that her best friend turned fiancé and her sweet younger brother were killed Y/n found out she was pregnant. A few weeks later they buried Michael.

On the second of March 1945 Peggy arrived at Y/n’s apartment, eyes red and swollen. They held each other as they cried. Y/n gathered that Steve never got his letter to let him know he was going to be an uncle.

When Peggy noticed the small prodding bump her heart ached. She knew she had to keep the promise that she gave Steve, that she would look after Y/n. Steve had told Peggy that just before Bucky fell he told the blonde to look after his fiancée, the two best friend’s last thoughts were on their best friend and fiancée. Neither one knowing that she pregnant.

A month later Y/n and her family, Winnie and Rebecca were at the cemetery, she smiled sadly when she felt her baby kick for the first time when the preacher said James Buchanan Barnes, they watched as two empty coffins were put into the ground.

She knew that the baby she was growing inside of her would have been so loved and spoiled by its father and uncle Stevie, it broke her heart knowing that her unborn baby would never meet the two greatest men she had ever known.

Five years passed after she lost three men closest to her. After she gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl that she named Hope Jamie Barnes, she moved out of the tiny little apartment she had and moved into a farm house that had acres of land.

Just because her Jamie wasn’t with her anymore didn’t mean she was going to give up on the life that he had planned for them. She still wore that metal nut, everyone thought it was strange but luckily for her they never asked about it. However it no longer sat on her finger but around her neck on a silver chain.

A wedding ring sat there now instead.

Two years after Hope was born her mom made her get married. “You’re twenty nine now Y/n you need a husband” her mom told her, reluctantly she agreed and married a man named Frank. At first Frank was okay, nice even but things changed only after a few months of marriage. It started with small things such as telling her what to wear, how to act. Then it turned nasty, the abuse was mental, verbal and physical.

Three years into their marriage she had become numb and use to it all. Became use to the women talking and giggling like school girls when they saw her in the store or on the streets, the same women who were sleeping with her husband. It didn’t bother her anymore that her husband was cheating on her, the more women he had to satisfy him the more he was away from her home, the less she got beaten and berated.

It didn’t even bother her that he had gotten one of his mistresses pregnant or when the mistress’s husband found out and beat Frank to within an inch of his life. In fact she smiled.

Y/n and Peggy’s friendship became non existent after Y/n got married and Peggy married Daniel Sousa, when Peggy and Daniel started dating Peggy had asked Y/n if she was wrong for it but Y/n told her that she deserved to be happy and if he gave that to her then she should have that happiness.

Peggy worried if Steve would have been mad, Y/n had to remind her that he wouldn’t have wanted her to live a life of loneliness.

When Hope was five she was wise for her age, she knew Frank wasn’t her father, she knew her daddy had passed away when he protected the country from the bad guys. Hope enjoyed her nighttime stories where her mama would tell her all about her father, hearing about how funny, kind and loving her father was always made the little girl smile. One night Y/n showed Hope the few photographs she had of James, Hope giggled and pointed at her eyes and then at James’s “same mommy same”. It was true, Hope had the same colour eyes as Bucky and like Bucky’s eyes they changed lighter when she was happy or giggling, turned darker when she was sad or when she was poorly.

Every Sunday Y/n and Hope had a routine, they would go to the cemetery to put flowers down on the graves of James and Steve. They would sit on a blanket and eat the sandwiches that Y/n would take with them, they would sit, eat and talk for hours - depending on the weather. Hope would show the headstones all her drawings and tell them all about her schooling and friends, told them her favourite colour - the rainbow that’s her favourite colour.

Y/n knew that there was no bodies in the coffins but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t sit there with her daughter in her lap and tell the two empty graves that she loved and missed them. Every time.

It was still a tradition that they both did even as Y/n got older and weaker.

In 1970 her husband was killed, Franks brother Robert was arrested and charged with his murder. Robert found out that his wife was having an affair with his brother. Y/n went to see him in prison after Robert sent her a letter begging her to see him, he swore that he didn’t do it. That it was a man with a silver arm. Y/n believed him when he said he didn’t do it, he was with his sister, her husband and their children, along with Robert’s children. But she didn’t believe him about a man with a silver arm, that was a bit far fetched.

At Franks funeral Y/n stood there with Hope on her left side and the nine children he had with nine different women. She tried to comfort the children he had with the women he had cheated on her with, they allowed it until everyone left and it was just them standing at the grave. His oldest started laughing causing the others to join in, Hope looked at her mom with a raised eyebrow that reminded her so much of Bucky, she just shrugged.

They told Y/n that they were happy he was finally gone. Told her that they hated him and was glad he was dead.

It surprised her but they were at the age where they realised that their parents marriages broke up when their mom cheated on their dad, or when they saw Frank hit their mom. It was nine teenagers/young adults who knew that what the preacher was saying as the coffin was lowered in the ground that it was all lies, he wasn’t a good man, he wasn’t a good husband or father, he was everything they hated. He was everything the five boys had promised that they would never turn in to. He was everything the four girls promised that they would never end up with.

They all kept in touch throughout the years, it was nice. And through them years all nine of his offspring kept their promises.

As the years went on Y/n became more and more proud of Hope and the woman she had become. Hope got married and had children, her first born son was named James, her second son was named Steve.

“M-mom there’s someone here to see you” Hope stuttered from the doorway.

“W-who i-is it darling?”

“I-he-hold on”

Hope appeared at the door with a nervous smile on her face, her fingers twisting together as a man walked slowly towards her. His eyes going to the woman and then to the man behind him, he was scared.

“Hope?”

“Mom-“

Y/n slowly turned to face the doorway, her eyes widening as she sees the ghost of her best friend towering over her daughter.

“S-Stevie? You’ve come to take me to Jamie?”

Steve frowned looking at the woman who was the last person on his mind before the plane crashed in to the water, his best friend who had aged yet her eyes remained the same. Then he looked at Hope confusion written on his face, she looked up at him and smiled sadly.

“Mom I’m just going to get you a drink.” Nodding her head to Steve and Sam to follow her she went into the kitchen. “She thinks your taking her to heaven to see my dad”

“Dad?”

“James? He’s my father”

Steve’s heart thumped painfully in his chest. When Hope answered the door telling him that she was Y/n’s daughter he assumed that she had married and had children, he did not expect the woman in front of him to be the daughter of his best friend who he watched fall to his death.

“What?”

“Bucky Barnes is my father…you’re my uncle, well that’s what my mom always called you.”

“Oh. Now I see it, it’s your eyes”

“Mom always said I had the same eyes as him” she laughed.

Steve goes to open his mouth when there’s a sound of a cane hitting the floor, all three turn to face the doorway where Y/n stood.

“Are you re-really alive and not just m-my imagination?”

“I’m really here Y/n/n”

“H-how?”

“When I crashed the plane-ow stop hitting me” he cries out when she hits him with her walking cane, Sam and Hope laugh.

“Still mad at you for crashing that plane”

“I’m sorry. I was frozen and they found me a few years ago” Steve finished his explanation. Y/n nodded and sat down, being ninety five years old her legs weren’t as strong as they once were.

“This is my daughter, she’s beautiful isn’t she?”

“She is, she’s got Bucky’s eyes”

“Yes she has. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Sam, he’s the one that helped me track you down”

“I-it’s nice to meet you Sam.” When Y/n reached out to shake Sam’s hand Steve noticed a glint of a necklace. He watched as her free hand went to the necklace and started lightly tugging on it, he wasn’t the only one.

“Mom? Mom your alright, your safe don’t worry” Hope says softly, moving closer slowly. Sam looked at Steve worriedly.

“I-I don’t-don’t let him hurt me anymore”

“Mom he’s dead, he can’t hurt you anymore I promise” Hope helped pull the necklace out, handing her the thing she knew her mom was trying to hold.

Steve’s breath get caught in his throat at seeing the metal nut Bucky gave her all those years ago.

“S-Steve? Your dead. Hope wh-who is he? I-it’s not Stevie, he’s dead”

“It’s okay mom, he’s a friend. Let’s get you back to bed okay?” Turning to Steve and Sam telling them she’d be back in a few, they both nod.

Waiting patiently in the kitchen Steve can hear Hope calm Y/n down, his heart breaking when Y/n asks for Jamie. When Hope comes downstairs she offers the two a drink, both declines politely.

“Mom keeps forgetting things, she’s been like this for a while now.”

“The thing on her necklace, what is it?” Though he knew he just couldn’t see it lasting this long or that she even kept it.

“My dad proposed to her with it, it’s a nut. She’s kept it on her chain ever since-well, she’s wore it since he gave it her”

“Did she ever marry? Have other kids?”

“Yes, he died in 1970 and no I’m her only child”

“I’m sor-“

“Don’t apologise, bastard deserved it”

After an hour or so the men take their leave, the blonde asking if he was able to come back and see Y/n again, Hope said yes.

The year was now 2016, Y/n’s health declining as she was nearing one hundred. The doctors told Hope that it would be better to keep her in hospital for the rest of her time on earth, Hope told them that, that wasn’t going to happen. Y/n had told Hope that when she was going to die that she wanted to go when she was at home. No matter what.

Steve had showed up one day to talk to Hope, to tell her that her father was alive after all this time. Hope begged him not to tell Y/n. Y/n struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that Steve was alive, she had grown so confused that she started to tug on her necklace. Hope didn’t want to imagine how her mom would react to the news that the love of her life was alive, not when she spent so long mourning him.

At first Steve was confused but understood at the same time. He told Hope that he and Bucky fought and the only way he could get him to snap out of whatever Hydra had done to him was by saying Y/ns name, Hope smiled at that. Hope asked Steve if he had told James all about her and how her mom was still alive, Steve said no but with her permission he would. And he did.

After seventy years of going without a father it was strange when she met Bucky for the first time, a man who didn’t look a day over thirty was her father when she looked like his mother, it was strange.

Bucky cried. Cried for never knowing Y/n was pregnant in the first place. Cried for never being there throughout Hope growing in her mother’s stomach. Cried for never being there for either one of them for nearly seventy years. Hugging his daughter for the first time ever Bucky crumbled.

Hope was very honest about hers and Y/n’s life, told Bucky how Y/n’s husband was a cheating abusive arsehole. Both Bucky and Steve clenched their fists at hearing that. Shocked when Hope told them that apparently a man with a silver arm had killed Frank, and because Bucky had his arm covered and gloves on Hope didn’t realise that it was her father that did it.

Bucky was open and honest about what had happened to him, expecting his daughter to look at him differently so when she threw her arms around him and cried he was shocked.

It took Bucky exactly twenty three minutes and fourteen seconds for him to ask when he could see Y/n. Having to think it over she agreed but on the condition that she was the one that would tell Y/n the truth.

Telling her mom that the man she had still been in love with after all those years since she had lost him, that he was still alive was the hardest conversation she had to have with her mom. Y/n didn’t believe her, of course she didn’t she’s spent seventy years mourning him. Seventy years wishing she saw him again, hoping and praying that he would still love her the way she still loved him.

Hope told Y/n that she had met him, hugged him, laughed with him but she still didn’t believe her.

A week after telling Y/n that Bucky was still alive her health deteriorated. Hope had to tell Bucky and Steve that Y/n didn’t have long left. Bucky was determined to see his love for the last time.

James stood in front of the house that Y/n had made a home since she left Brooklyn, the two floored farm house stood proudly in front of acres of land, due to his enhanced senses he could smell the lingering smell of animal food and waste. Hope had told him all about the animals Y/n rescued over the years, told him that when she was seven they had three horses, cows and goats, that in recent years Y/n had been rescuing cats and dogs from the streets or abusive homes rehoming them to those she trusted. Bucky smiled at hearing that she had lived the life he wanted for the both of them, smiled at hearing that Y/n’s kindness and love for animals never stopped.

Checking his hair was fine for the umpteenth time in the two hours it took them to get there he turned to face Steve.

“You ready Buck?”

“Y-yeah” Steve knocks on the door and they both wait patiently for Hope to answer. 

“Hi, come on in-oh”

“T-they wanted to come, hope that’s okay” Bucky explained. Behind him and Steve stood the rest of the Avengers.

“We’ve heard all about your mom ever since blondie came out of ice, wanted to meet her” Tony spoke leaning in between the two super soldiers to hold his hand out.

“Oh right, come in.” Leading them all upstairs where Y/n was, Bucky’s nerves sky rocketed the closer he got to the bedroom. “You ready?” Hope asked.

“Yeah. She knows I’m here right?”

“She does, if it helps she’s nervous too”

Nodding his head he watched with a steady breath as his daughter - which he still found weird saying - twisted the door knob and opened the door.

Though older and frail Bucky thought she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. His eyes stayed on her face as he moved closer, with every step he took his heart started to beat slower.

“J-Jamie?”

Wetting his lips and gulping he nodded “hi Flower”

“Took you long enough to come and get me”

“I know my love b-but I’m here now”

“Are we going to see Stevie?”

“Stevie’s right here darling”

“Is my mama going to be there too?”

Frowning he looked back to Hope as she stands at the doorway with everyone behind her. Hope shook her head and mouthed “she thinks you’re taking her to heaven”.  His frown deepened, looking back at Y/n whose eyes didn’t move away from him.

“I’ve missed you Flower”

“I’ve missed you too Jamie. Ha-have you met Hope? She’s your daughter Jamie”

“I have met her, beautiful isn’t she?”

“She is. The best thing I’ve ever done”

“I’m so proud of you, you’ve raised our daughter amazingly”

“Sit down silly” sitting on bed next to her he took his gloves off and held both her hands when she reached for him. Y/n didn’t flinch when his silver hand touched her. “Don’t let Frank hurt Hope okay? Y-you have to promise me Jamie th-that you’ll lo-look after her”

“Doll he’s-I promise that no one will ever hurt her”

“Good. He’s mean. He hurts me Jamie”

“I know doll I know, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from him”

“Not your fa-wh-who are they Jamie?”

“They’re Stevies friends Flower”

Hope nudged Steve further into the room and nods to the others letting them know it’s okay for them to go in too. Steve says hello and introduces the team to her, each giving her a smile.

For three hours Steve and Y/n talked about growing up together and all the things they use to get up to, everyone laughed and asked Y/n questions about the two super soldiers, she answered them as best as she could sometimes she repeated herself or looked panicked when she saw strangers standing in her room.

Bucky though held her hand with the both of his, his eyes on her the whole time. Tracing over each line with his eyes, his heart clenching when he saw the unmistakable sight of a scar that ran down the side of her face.

His breath got caught in his throat when she took out the metal nut around the necklace. “Y-you kept it?” He asked interrupting when Sam was talking about.

“My Jamie gave it me during the war, he proposed to me” she smiled “you look like him”

“Do I?”

“Yes, but my Jamie was more handsome”

“Was he now?”

“Oh yes-“ a yawn cuts her off. Hope tells everyone that it was best if they left now so she could get some rest, and they do. Each say their goodbyes and waits for Steve and Bucky downstairs.

“We’ll come and see you tomorrow okay?” Steve says after he pulls away from giving her a hug and a kiss to her forehead. Y/n nods and smiles. “I’ll wait for downstairs Buck”

Bucky nods, then looks at Hope who understands without being verbally told that Bucky wanted a few minutes alone, she follows behind Steve.

“I have always loved you, you know? I still love you. I’m sorry that I didn’t come home to you when I promised you over and over that I would, I’m sorry I let you down Flower”

“Y-you didn’t let me down Jamie, never.”

Bucky smiles softly at her, watching as her eyes start to droop. “I’ll let you get some rest my love. I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise”

“O-okay Jamie. S-see you tom-tomorrow” Giving her a kiss to her forehead he stands and moves to the door, taking one last look at his first and only love.

“Thank you for the best years of my life”

He says before shutting the door and heads slowly down the stairs.

After Hope says her goodbyes and gives her dad a hug she busies herself cleaning the kitchen, she smiles happily to herself seeing her parents together something she had always wanted to experience.

She doesn’t know that her mom is in her bed with her hand wrapped around the piece of metal that she had wore and cherished from the moment James gave it her, she doesn’t know her mom is thinking about meeting her Jamie again.

She doesn’t know that her mom takes her last breath with a small smile on her lips.

A year after loosing the love of his life Bucky had to bury his only daughter, heart attack took her. In 2023 Tony had perfected his father’s Time Machine with the help from Bruce. Steve was going to be returning the stones, they all gathered together in the empty space and watched as Steve vanished.

“4…3…2…1” Bruce counted down for Steve’s arrival.

Once the smoke cleared Bucky had his eyes down as he knew that Steve wasn’t going to be coming back, he knew he was going to go back to live a life with Peggy. His head snapped up when he heard the voice that he always heard in his sleep.

There stood on the platform was Steve, Y/n and a two year old Hope.

“Fl-Flower”

“You died Jamie. You promised me you would be safe but-“

Bucky cuts her off by pressing his lips against hers, holding both of his flowers tightly.

One month after Steve brought Y/n and Hope to the future, Bucky and Y/n got married. A month after that she finds out that baby Barnes number two would be arriving.

“I love you Flower”

“I love you Jamie”

Tags: @imcinnamoons | @pigeonmama | @capsbestgirl77

[mellowsaturns]

there is no other love, it’s only yours

BUCKY BARNES X READER

warnings: fluff, soft!bucky, mentions of marriage and children, mentions of his past, dreams and multiverse talk, fem!reader

wc: 1.1k 

summary: they say a dream without love is a dream forgotten, luckily for bucky, he remembers every single one that you appear in

masterlist

———

Bucky Barnes dreams of you often.

It’s different, but welcoming—a complete opposite to those crimson nightmares that used to haunt the majority of his nights.

He wakes up from those in cold sweat, screams, and even tears sometimes.

But when it’s with you, he finds himself calm and content, sometimes with a stupid smile on his face in the earliest of mornings.

For all his life, all Bucky knew was loss. Loss of his family, loss of the howling commandos, loss of his youth, loss of his best friend. Then you came into his life—a beacon of light that guided him through the darkest of his memories. Charmed him the moment you placed your hand on top of his, both fighting for the single remaining copy of The Hobbit in the bookstore. (He let you have it, opting for another novel. In the end, you bought it but asked the kind worker to give it to him instead.) He went back to the bookstore the following week, same day, same time. And behold, you were there again—both of you wishful for something. (He told you he read it multiple times already, emphasis on ‘when it first came out.’ You laughed at his oddly adorable nerdiness.)

Today, he dreams of you again.

He’s staring at the white wall lost in thought, only coming back to reality when you stir in his arms. He looks down at your sleeping figure, hoping he didn’t wake you.

He wonders if you’re dreaming of him.

Sometimes, when you are sleeping soundly beside him and he gets the quiet opportunity to admire you, he thinks that every single moment has led him to this—that the war he fought his entire life was so it could lead him to you.

For all his life, all Bucky knew was loss. But with you, it’s like he could see a future without it. One where it’s filled with smiles and laughter and love and you. The domesticity that he never thought he would get, it was right in front of him, within literal reaching distance.

Would you want to marry him someday? Would you want to start a family with him? Would you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

He sees it—you and him. Of you walking down the aisle. Maybe the both of you would get the blessing of adding one more to the family. If it was a girl, Bucky could see the both of you affectionately fighting to name her either Becca or Winnie. Or maybe it would be a boy, in that case, the name was a no brainer for the two of you—it would be named after his best pal. (Although, he secretly prayed it would be a daughter—plural if he's lucky—because he knows he’s a girl dad at heart). The two of you could even adopt a small little kitty like you talked about before.

He sees it—no, he saw it tonight—and similar variations from time to time. Dreams that might have only lasted an hour but felt like a lifetime.

You stir again in his arms, letting out a low grumble before your eyes slowly flutter open.

“Bucky?” you call out, lifting your head slightly to meet his eyes.

“M’sorry if I woke you,” he says gently, giving you an apologetic smile.

“You didn’t wake me,” you reassure him. “How come you’re awake? Bad dreams again?”

In truth, he could never escape the nightmares, but he hasn’t had a particularly bad one since you moved in with him months ago.

He shakes his head. “No. It was… it was a happy one.”

“That’s good.” You hug him a bit tighter, “I had a good one too.”

“You want to tell me ‘bout it?”

You let out a throaty chuckle and then a yawn, “I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”

He thinks of the future often. Back in the 40s, his future seemed so clear: fight for his country and come back a hero. It didn’t exactly go according to plan. Ever since that fall from the train, everything was so cloudy, so many unknowns awaiting him. And when the war was finally over, he found himself alone again. Not even a moment of peace before he had to go halfway across the world to fight vigilantes. For someone like him, it was never ending.

Bucky always says it’s going to be the last one but whenever Sam comes over with that look on his face, he can’t help but to suit up and be a hero with him. He finds himself a little less grumpy on these missions nowadays—less grumpy in general—because somewhere along the lines, he entered that small bookshop and met you. Where interesting conversations became shy dates, where hand holding became stolen kisses, where helping him pick out furniture for his sad looking apartment became him asking you to move in with him. 

So now Bucky wakes up, ready for the future, because there is something worth fighting for, someone worth protecting; something worth waking up to, someone worth coming home to.

He kisses your forehead. “Mmm, tell me all about it tomorrow then. For now, go back to sleep,” he coos, playing with your hand to help you fall back to a peaceful slumber.

Shared small intimacies of playing with each other's hands and rubbing each other's backs. The vulnerability of opening up to each other and trusting each other with one's own deepest secrets. Such small intimacies that he never thought he would experience ever again. He’s happy he gets to share them with the person he loves most.

There was a time, early into your relationship where you showed him an article—something about how dreams are just a glimpse of ourselves in another universe. He remembers telling you it was possible, going into a never ending discussion about space and time and the possibility of a multiverse (who knew he could be so charming and handsome while spewing big words at you?). Thinking about it now and the countless dreams he had secretly and delicately stowed away in his personal collection, he wished the theory was true.

Because if it was, then it was you and him in every timeline, in every universe. And he smiles knowing that in every universe, he gets a happy ending with you.

And in this one, the one where you’re currently sleeping soundly in his arms, it’s just getting started.

He's reminded of all the rings you like to wear as he gently fiddles with your fingers—ones you personally own and ones he picks out whenever the two of you go to those little antique shops in Brooklyn together—fingers he likes to hold and kiss, but he's looking at one in particular, a personal favourite.

Bucky makes sure you are asleep. "Will get you a real one someday," he confesses to the night, "on this one,” while placing lingering touches on your ring-finger. “I promise.”

[neonovember]

Reigning Expectations

summary; you pick up mjolnir, that’s it, that’s the fic.

warnings; alcohol drinking, peer pressure, nat and tony being annoying

a/n: you fuck thor in the next part, but procrastination is my vice so we will see

part two!

The avengers sat scattered across the illuminated living room of the tower, the night festivities strewn around the room. The lazy air clung to them as they sipped from thier filled glasses and laughed amongst each other.

Nights like these were rare, and were afforded only after one of Tony’s boisterous parties or charity events. Much of the night was filled with budding elbows with senators, politicians, and socialites, thier never ending questions and preening faces souring most of the teams mood whilst simultaneously fuelling the egos of Tony and Sam.

The high esteem and society that came with a Tony’s money wasn’t something the team particularly enjoyed divulging in, yet thier presence was expected by most of the party goers nevertheless, being the world saving mighty heroes and all.

Slowly, as more liquid was poured into glasses and the music fleeted across the luxurious apartment, the Avengers begun actually having a good time. Although they were forced to mingle amongst pretentious, spoilt trust fund adult children, and slightly dirty politicians, once they surrounded themselves with thier team members, and let the dirty brown pleasure and asgardian ale glide down thier throats and bodies, the nights apprehension was all but forgotten.

It was still annoying though.

As much as the alcohol has turned thier distaste to a semi-amusement towards the event, it quickly dissipated as Tony was brought forth to the large stage overhanging the floor of moving bodies and coaches.

Catching the attention of party goers, the billionaire glinted with a mischievous smirk that told the rest of the team enough. This would be a sobering following of events.

With one hand gripping a glass of bourbon, and another holding onto a microphone that seemed to appear out of nowhere, Tony begun thanking the many people for coming

“As you know, I’ve somewhat gone through a rebirth of sorts,

A snort from Bucky pulls heads to a swivel, eyes gliding over the brunette, before quickly moving back towards Tony after his pointed glare.

“Gone are the days of reckless youth, eganormous drinking and musty clubs that weren’t even that good. I’m sure you all know my golden days, and I’m sure I’ve made a point of ignoring and dismissing the duty I owe this country. With the esteem of my position, and the power granted to me, I shall appoint a gathering right in this tower to raise funds for the ongoing conflicts that have cornered our democracy, and damaged our beloved communities.”

Tony’s assistant, a tall stoic woman with auburn hair she’d slick back in a tight bun nodded throughly through his speech, mouthing along with him, rubbery red lips pulled back to reveal pearly whites as Tony performed the speech she wrote him.

Many of the avengers groaned out audibly, Steve grunting againts his tight lips and crossed arms, motioning to Thor for more alcohol.

No one was stupid, charity events planned by the rich and wealthy were never about giving back to the community or whatever hastily made up name wrapped over the correlated event. It was purely a morally acceptable way to flaunt your money, status, assets and power. The avengers knew it, and it burnt the goodness in Steve to no end.

The mass of people gathered tonight did too, their eyes sparkling and mouths practically frothing at the thought of showcasing thier hundreds, thousands, millions, as they raise thier paddled to buy begotten antiques and recovered jewellery.

“I trust that this event will be kept discreet, and tight lipped. Loose lips sink ships, or shall I say ruin a little fun?”

The crowds of people chuckle and laugh hearty, the sound bouncing off the walls and windows, mocking the Avengers as they boar holes into the chest of Tony stark.

“I seriously don’t want to have to barred anyway from coming, or blacklisting any of you because you couldn’t keep a tight lid” He laughed humoursly, there was a warning glint underneath his joyful tone, and it had many of the part goers nodding enthusiastically, afraid of a future without their unnecessary banquets, charity events and ridiculous parties.

As Tony rambled on about the precedings of the promised charity event, many of the avengers made their way down the steps and sat down around the centre of the tower, where a large coffee table was placed surrounded by sleek coaches and chairs. This was were they remained whilst the masses of people slowly filed out of the large doors of the building, getting into thier mercedes, Maseratis and bmws, cheeks warmed by the bottomless pit of alcohol and the nights atmosphere

Lounging in thier seats, the avengers finally relaxed once they were left amongst thier team members. This was your favourite part. The after. It took months of your unrelenting pressure for the team to atleast try and spend time with one another, that brought them to the pleasured nights they found supremely enjoyable after Tony’s events. Most of the time the team would be recounting stories of each other, reminiscing over memories and times before, whilst glasses of alcohol was passed.

They were relaxed, as much as they allowed themselves too of course, they were still avengers. And their calculating eyes were still constantly surveying and analysing their surroundings even whilst inebriated. Muscle memory, a habit ingrained into them from whatever lives they’d lived before.

“Oh come one, you’re telling me you haven’t thought about dragging these masses of muscles to bed and having your way with them?” Natasha smirked, head head tilted in question towards you.

The rest of the team stopped thier muffled talking, eyes turning towards you, awaiting your answer. Most of the team recognised you as the shy and dorky girl they loved too much, and as their eyes drifted down to your modest dress and brown flats, it was as clear as ever the truth that you just weren’t that girl. That confident, that secure in you’re sexuality and love and everything else that went into fucking gods.

That didn’t stop Tony and Natasha from teasing you though, relishing in the jittering replies you’d bark back, no signs of guilt at their torment.

“Uh, no, I mean, you all are, have impressive forms,” you nod hands awkwardly motioning towards Sam and Thor.

You were fumbling, and from the snickers coming from Nats wine lips, everyone could tell.

“That just isn’t my thing,” You replied back, glaring at the redhead. Pushing an elbow into her, whispering admonishment.

“Hm, I don’t know, I mean you’ve never brought anyone back to your room after our night outs, and as much as you are secretive, you don’t seem the type to have a secret family in some boring midwest town”

“No offence Hawkeye” Tony grinned towards Banner, the archer merely rolling his eyes at his snide remark.

But there’s something about you.. what is it, got some freaky deep web fetish that’s spooked away any suitors?” Tony kept up his unrelentless interrogation.

His eyes were wind with amusement, a shark like smirk creases his face, you grunted out in annoyance, you’d played your part, you’d shown face to a bunch of socialists and hedge fund babies, what more did Tony want from you? Must he always come back for more to his own twisted entertainment?

“Oh lay off it Stark, you always gotta make stuff wierd, ever thought maybe I just don’t want the entire world knowing? Much less billionaire ex play boy who would probably find out every single thing about them, down to to thier damn childhood pet” You gruffly relied, tired of Tony’s antics.

Tony runs to you in surprise, mouth widening at your exasperated expression,

“Ooh! Defensive, a clear sign of guilt, are you trying to deflect now?” Tony grinned, the high ceilings lights casting a warming glow across his features.

“Yeah, whatever” You rolled your eyes, knocking back the glass of macallan that stayed stationary in your hand.

Kissing your teeth, rubbing your thighs you don’t miss Steve and Bucky’s penetrating gaze, eyes following the slope of your neck, eyes brows quirked up as they took notice of your expression.

Bucky leaned into Steve, pressing into his shoulder as he whispered something into his ears, mouth pressed to the curve of Steve’s ear. Steve nodded momentarily, eyes gazing at you as Bucky seems to divulge Victoria’s fucking secret.

The sound of loud laughter pulls you back into the conversations amongst the rest of the team, you hadn’t realised how long you’d been checked out, ears prickling to following along.

“No no no, you all could never understand the honour and privilege of wielding this hammer” Thor tauter, his blonde hair tied up into a pony tail, blue eyes smiling.

“Yeah, it took you..how long again?, I’d pay good money to see you trip over yourself trying to hold that when you were what? 6 trillion years old?” Tony yawed, eliciting a fake boredom.

“Wasn’t it a hand me down anyways? Odin, then Hela, middle child problems let me tell you” Clint grinned from his position on the coach, which essentially was lying on his back with his legs intertwined with Natasha’s.

“You mortals think this is a joke, Mjolnir is an ancient gift passed down my lineage, most of you will not ever get close to something as mythical and historic as this weapon” Weilding the hammer above his head Thor points it towards Clint, eyes gleaming with mischief.

“If you think it’s so easy, why don’t you do it yourself?” The hammer lays even heavier as Thor points it towards Clint, the proposal rumbles laughter scattered around the room.

An uneasy look pases through Clint, teeth pulled into a line, but it leaves just as quick as it formed, and before you could blink he’s making his way across the coach towards the dining table.

Thor nods, and paces Mjolnir on the table, it makes a loud thunk as it hits glass, and Clint seizes his hand, flexing the muscle as he tries to lift the heaviest thing on earth.

A silence covers the floor, the avengers looking on as the prospect of a Clint taking the position of the reigning king over Asgard blossoms.

Clint mutters to himself, trying to fiend confidence and in one, two, three, he pulls.

The gruff clank of Clint’s body gripping and dragging the hilt, feet planted and shoulders hunched as he meanversous his body to direct all his strength to his biceps and arms.

Clint face remains determined, eyebrows scrunched as he scrutinised the metal, indignation firing through his blues despite the sheen of sweat that begins to form on his face.

Grunts pass through his lips as he begins to strain from amounting so much energy, and after a few moments of helpless tugging and pulling, he gives up, shrugging his shoulders and muttering his dislike of Asgard through bated breaths.

You’ve got to give it to him, no amount of convincing would make you even try that.

The rest of the avengers tried their hands at lifting mjolnir, Tony even going as far as using his detachable hand to muster amount enough strength to move the hammer.

And for a moment, a second of monetarily relief, you think you’ve best the avengers, escaped thier unnecessary need to embarrass the people they love. It was foolish really, and it only took meeting Nats eyes for a mere second before your name was being changed like enchanted gospel.

You’re being pushed by soft hands to raise on your feet, you let out an audible grumble that leaves scattered laughter, you down the last of of your liquor, it glides down your throat like silk but who are you kidding, your nerves are still leaving jittered marks across your body.

Rolling your shoulder back, your crack your knuckles, popping the air between the bones, you flex your muscles comically, and the team whops and whistles to your antics. Maybe they’re too far gone to care, maybe they won’t even notice, I’ll just pretend I cant pick it up, yep that’s what I’ll do.

You wrap and arm around mjolnir, it fits like a glove, it shakes with an energy only you and Thor can sense as it welcomes an old friend. Thor raises from his hunched position, eyes piercing into your hand, melting the meat and fat until it’s just bones.

You try, with all your might to not give an inch of strength to the hammer, you flex your arms until they’re slack enough, relief fills you as the hammer doesn’t budge, the avengers begin to heckle and all is well.

The loud clattering of a bottle seizes your arm, it flexes the muscles of your wrist and you curse to yourself as you clench your eyes, knowing third eyes are on you, knowing he’s the one who had provoked you.

And you before you know, right infront of them all.

The hammer raises in the air, your tight grip wrapped around its hilt.

You pick it up.

Fuck.

[comiicii]

Backdrop: You and Bucky live in the same apartment complex but haven't spoken more than a few words. One night, Bucky decides to change that. Pairing: James 'Bucky' Barnes x fem!reader. Warnings: mentions of bucky’s ptsd and my subpar writing. A's notes: this is just based on the scene pictured above from the first episode of fatws. excuse spelling and any other mistakes throughout this one-shot. this has been sitting in my drafts for ages. Word count: 2.7k

James kept to himself whenever he came into the bar you worked at. The two of you always exchanged kind glances at each other. They were no different than the ones you shared in the hallway of the apartment building you both lived in. He was a man of few words and after he came in a few times, you knew his drink order. He had a select variety which would indicate the type of day he's had or his mood. You never asked about his life and you two only ever said a few sentences to each other. He wanted to talk to you, he truly did but his words always got stuck in his throat. You were so pretty and innocent; he didn't want to taint that with his overly-complicated existence.

"James, is there anyone you've talked to other than me this week?" his therapist asks him, readying the pad and pen if he lied to her face again. There was a pause. He thought back to you and all the mental images he kept of you the past seven days. Last night, he nursed some cheap beer and watched you work; talking to some of the regulars at the bar, asking about the home life of some you had grown close to, smiling and laughing at whatever funny joke was told to you. He was completely enamored with you but he was too chicken to say anything more than his drink order and 'thank you'.

"James? I asked you a question. Do you talk to anyone once you step foot outside my office?" She pressed.

"Yes," he quietly answered. "there's a woman…she works at a bar near my apartment." the corners of his lips tugging ever so slightly upwards. The look of shock on her face pulling them higher. "She lives a couple doors down from me." James quickly added before she wrote in her notepad.

"I'm not lying." he spoke through gritted teeth.

"I know, I'm just making a note of it for next time." she deadpanned, internally relishing that he was making some progress with another human being.

"Do you two talk when you're at the bar?"

"She's working so I don't say much." he answers with a sigh.

"And when you see her at the apartment? Do you say anything at all?" she pressed on him again.

"We say hi or nod at each other." he stoically answers causing her to set aside her pad and lean forward in her seat.

"James, you need to nurture friendships. I'm not forcing you to date this woman but make an effort in talking with her. I think it would be good for you," her words were sincere. "Do you even know her name?"

"Y/N." there was that smile again.

He came right on time as always. Your heart always beat a little faster when you saw him. There was something about him that made you feel safe even though you didn't speak. You could tell he was a private man. You enjoyed your small interactions with him. Although brief, you could tell he was a good man. He'd probably been through a lot and suffered a lot of loss from what you figured. He looked to be in a good mood so you brought him his usual domestic beer with a smile. He nodded with a smile in return and proceeded to take a swig.

Your shift went by quick. Before you knew it, midnight had come. It had been a quiet but decent shift. You organized your tips to stuff into your front pocket.

"Mind if I walk you home?" he asked from his stool, finishing off his seventh bottle. You nearly jumped two feet at hearing his voice. He had practiced those six words in his head for the last two hours, hoping his voice wouldn't come off shaky.

Once you slowed your heart rate, your lips tugged into a smile and gave a small nod to him. The small response was enough to make his heart leap. He stood and walked to the door, holding it open for you to exit first.

It was a pleasant surprise for both of you to be in this setting; walking down the bustling street to your apartment complex. He mainly kept his hands in his pocket aside from the brief moment where he tugged at your arm to prevent you from clashing with a man who was looking down at his phone and clearly not paying attention to his surroundings. As quickly as it happened, his hand was back in his pocket. The walk was silent but comfortable. You had questions and obviously wanted to know more about him but you didn’t want to push him to talk if he wasn’t ready to open up. A part of you knew that he wasn’t one to be forthcoming with information he wasn’t comfortable sharing.

Before you knew it, you two were in the building and walking down the hallway to your respective doors. You turned around to thank him but at the last second, you grew bold and so you got on your toes to plant a soft peck on his cheek. It caught both of you off guard and you wanted to run away but you stayed in your spot; waiting for some reaction from him. The blood began rushing to his face. It had been decades since James had any physical contact with a woman.

“Goodnight, James and thank you for walking me home.” you softly spoke but before you could turn away to head to your door, his hand took hold of yours.

“You can call me Bucky,” he spoke, looking down at the floor before making eye contact with you, a small smile piercing through his usual stoic expression.

You gave his hand a light squeeze and tried to contain the goofy smile attempting to shine through, nodding and walking backwards to your door as you spun your keys on your ring finger.

“Shall we do this again tomorrow night, Bucky?”  you smirked as you reached your door. His smile grew and he nodded.

With that, something new and wonderful blossomed.

As weeks passed, the two of you continued this little routine of him walking you home from work. He started talking with you more, especially when he noticed a particular man making you uncomfortable. He’d find some way to take your mind off it and keep you occupied or shoot the man a death glare that you prayed you’d never be on the receiving end of. You learned that he was a little lonely since coming back from the Snap. He’d recently lost his childhood best friend and from what you deciphered from your conversations, his family had been long gone. It hurt you to hear him speak of those he lost. You didn’t press and always listened. He liked that you didn’t bother him for details or press him to tell you more. He enjoyed that you gave him the time and space to tell you things about himself when he was ready.

When walking back to the apartment, you would hold his arm and he didn’t seem to mind. He liked having you close even if he didn’t verbally communicate that to you. He grew more bold as time passed. He’d attempt flirting with you such as complimenting your smile or using a corny pick up line that he’d hope you’d like. After a few weeks, he would walk you to your door and hug you goodnight. After a month, he started planting small kisses on your head when giving you those hugs. That’s when you learned he was a military man. He wore his dog tags under his shirt. Given the height difference, you could feel them against your cheek underneath the fabric. You didn’t ask about his time in the military as you figured that was a conversation for down the road. You often kissed him on the cheek or gave his hands a squeeze as a thank you. You were going to sleep happy and hopeful that one day you two could go on an actual date and see each other in a different setting.

You truly got to know Bucky one particular night. Being that you worked at a bar, there was a television for background noise and to give some of the guys something to stare at when there was a game or big event happening. It was on the night that the government had announced it’s new Captain America. It was the main topic of most conversations at the bar that night. To you, it didn’t feel right. You had heard about Falcon having the shield passed down to him personally by Steve Rogers himself but donating it to the Captain America exhibit about a month ago. When you watched the announcement, your heart fell into your stomach. It didn’t sit right in your gut and frankly, it angered a part of you. You respected the legacy the man left behind. If the Captain chose to pass it down to the Falcon, shouldn’t he be the one donning the shield? With that announcement being the big news of the day, it altered the energy of your shift.

Bucky came in at his usual time. You could tell he had seen the news and that he was tremendously bothered by it. In the time you got to spend with Bucky, you knew when he was faking his smile at you. His smiles were genuine when they reached his eyes and as corny as it sounds, they would somewhat twinkle when he was happy. In his greeting to you, you saw none of that. You didn’t press and proceeded to change the channel to a soccer game to shift the mood and conversations of the bar. Bucky didn’t say much to you during your shift but you could tell when his eyes were on you. He had a habit of using you as his focal point as a way to ground him when he was at the bar on nights when it would get rowdy or if he picked up on a certain conversation that bothered him. It was a way for him to drown all of it out. You didn’t interact as even you could feel from across the bar that he wasn’t in the jaunty, talking mood.

Your shift went by as usual and you were cleaning up your station and gathering your tips for the night when one of the regulars started making small talk with you. They usually did when you were closing out your shift. They asked you about the news of the Captain America and what your honest opinion was of it.

“Should’ve stayed in the museum or stayed with the Falcon.” you casually spoke as you counted the bills in your hand. “I don’t have a good feeling about this new Cap, if I’m being honest. He hasn’t saved the world, never fought with the Avengers and I don’t remember Captain America having a gun so safe to say I won’t be buying his lunchbox.” emitting a dry chuckle with a shrug, giving them a pat goodbye as you made your way to Bucky.

Your walk home was mostly silent. He asked you about your day and that was the extent of your conversation with him. You held on to his arm as usual all the way to your apartment door.

“Did you mean what you said at the bar about…” he trailed off as his eyes met yours. He looked frustrated. He must’ve taken the news pretty hard you figured and only nodded to support your statements at the bar.

He suddenly pulled you into him and held you close. You could feel him slightly trembling. It worried you so you wrapped your arms around him and stayed in that position for what seemed like minutes. He kissed your head as always and when he finally pulled away, you could see pure sadness in his eyes.

“Bucky…talk to me” you softly pleaded. It was the first time you asked him to open up on your terms, not his. You were worried and concerned. Everything that night told you something was off about the man before you. He wasn’t the Bucky you had come to adore and possibly love. He stayed silent for a moment like he was thinking over how to respond to you.

“Tomorrow morning, breakfast? You’ve had a busy night and we can talk in the daylight for once.” he flashed you sheepish smile. You eyed him for a few seconds and understood that it was his way of saying ‘I’ll open up to you tomorrow’.

“Sounds good to me, Bucky. Plus, I can finally see your face under natural sunlight instead of fluorescent street lights.” You nodded with a soft chuckle, easing his anxiety that you wouldn’t take his offer. You grabbed hold of his hand, giving it a small squeeze. “See you here at 9 tomorrow.” you grabbed your keys and went into your apartment with a sigh; hopeful that some sleep was all he needed to ease his mind before your morning date.

You were peacefully sleeping until noise from Bucky’s apartment pierced your walls. It was four in the morning. You thought nothing of it until the noise continued and grew louder. You quickly put on a hoodie, grabbed your pocket knife and ran over next door. You knocked on his door loudly, asking if everything was alright. The yells didn’t stop and when your hand grabbed the knob to jiggle it to make some noise, you realized it was unlocked. You hesitated for a split second before barging in.

Upon entering, you see Bucky on the ground over a blanket in front of his television. You looked around for any possible intruders before rushing to him. You froze at the sight of his left arm. You didn’t have much time to process the new revelation as Bucky was sweating profusely and clearly having a nightmare. Your instinct was to wake him but a part of you told you not to. You had heard somewhere from a customer who had a friend with PTSD tell you vehemently to never wake someone during an episode. You pulled away and shakily took a seat in the loveseat next to him, putting the pillow between him and the chair so he wouldn’t hurt himself if he moved around. You observed the makeshift bed made up of just a couple of blankets and a pillow on the floor. It pained you realizing that you really didn’t know Bucky. You calmed yourself down and adjusted yourself on the loveseat, hoping the episode would pass.

A few minutes went by and you realized he wasn’t yelling anymore. You relaxed a bit and drifted off to a slumber, not registering that you were still in his apartment. About twenty minutes later, Bucky shot up, panting and covered in a thick layer of sweat. His heavy breathing woke you and you quickly moved to the floor to assess him, your face coming into view being a surprise to him.

“How…how you’d get in here, Y/N?” you tried not to stare too much at his arm.

“Y-your door was unlocked when I came t-to check on you,” you stumbled over your words, “I heard you yelling…was worried there was an intruder o-or something.” you kept your eyes on his and hoped he wouldn’t notice you stuttering so much due to shock and worry.

He rubbed his vibranium hand over his face. When his eyes met your again, he saw that you were staring at his arm. You looked scared and when you noticed him looking at you, in a blink you were back to worrying about him.

“Are you okay?” you asked with so much worry in your tone it made Bucky worry about you more.

“Y/N…you-”

“Did someone do this to you?” you cut him off as your hand reached toward his arm. It was cold unlike the rest of his body that was covered in sweat.

His biggest fear was having you reject him because of his past and physicality but the more he stared at you, the more he realized that you weren’t scared of him, you were scared for him. Bucky never wanted you to find out this way but he knew he had to come clean to you about himself sooner or later. He was just hoping it would be later rather than sooner.

“I think now would be a good time for a coffee…”

[rassvetsky]

Bittersweet

bucky barnes x fem!reader

"When it's just you, Bucky & Alpine in the Barnes residence; time seems to stop, only allowing for heartfelt confessions and kisses to be exchanged."

[2k] | teeth rotting fluff, domestic couple, alpine being the princess she is, emotional conversations & kisses. somewhere in between comics!bucky & mcu!bucky but only conceptually, no spoilers. might do more parts on this little universe because it's so cute

reblog and/or like for a kiss, feedback much appreciated! not proofread.

When it's just you, Bucky & Alpine in the Barnes residence; time seems to stop.

The car horns blaring through the city drown out in the warmth your shared bed carries; your body tucked close to Bucky's as he hugged you from behind, watching the way Alpine's soft purrs got quieter and quieter until she eventually fell asleep, whiskers pushed back with each stroke of the back of your fingers against her fluffy cheek.

The early morning sun fell on both his arm and the cat's white fur, as the metal fingers moved forward a bit on top of your waist to brush through her soft coat over your palm, before finally giving in to his original intent and getting a hold of your hand instead. He was half-naked behind you, barely had the energy to change out of his suit after returning from his mission because he could swear that seeing both of his favourite girls sprawled across the bed knocked the breath right out of his chest.

"I took her to the vet yesterday," you whispered, careful as to not wake Alpine up. "Did some parasitary stuff, it was time for those, apparently. I also wanted her to get the combination vaccine since she was supposed to get it a few weeks ago, but they ran out."

Bucky hummed as a response, urging you to continue.

"Picked up some treats for her too, and some toys. She met a puppy at the waiting room, they got along great except for the part where she just- slapped the living shit out of him for trying to sniff her butt."

Bucky's laugh startled the cat and you sent him a glare, causing him to whisper out an apology and return to caressing her fur. "She's just like you, it's uncanny." he chuckled, making you sigh and curl yourself closer to him. "Lovely and all but still badass."

"Why thank you, Mr. Barnes," you mumbled sleepily. "I'm merely doing my job, raising our love-child."

He chuckled again, slowly pushing himself further up to his elbow just so he could reach in and press his lips against the side of your lips. You couldn't help the way they tugged upwards with a smile. "You should go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you up so early."

You shook your head to both sides almost immediately after. "No, no need. I missed you anyway."

"Really? Seems like you'd rather watch Alpine sleep than give me a proper hug."

"Oh, shut up," you giggled, slowly turning on your spot to face him. He was hovering over you slightly, still leaning on his elbow to watch both of you. "I just got overwhelmed for a second when you came back. I get emotional as shit waiting for you, Buck."

His features softened at that, before he reached in to place a soft kiss on your forehead. "I'm sorry." he whispered, free arm going up to caress your cheek instead, this time. "But how am I supposed to know? You bully me through it all the time."

"It's a coping mechanism!" you whisper-yelled, rolling your eyes carefully when he started laughing. "Laugh all you want, Barnes."

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized again, gentle eyes flickering through every single centimeter of your face, almost as if he wanted to memorize all of you. "I missed you too, sweetheart. Miss you so bad wherever I go."

Your hands mimicked his when you brought them up to cup his face, feeling his stubble under your fingertips as you traced the outline of his lips with your fingers. "I love you so much that it hurts, Bucky."

"I know the feeling." his sheepish grin was replaced by a bittersweet one. "Whenever I look at you, I- I just think, how did I get so lucky? How did I end up with this… Absolutely perfect person, how did I get to hold her each night?"

"You're one lucky bastard, that's why." you chuckled to yourself, earning a heartfelt snicker from him. "I feel the same way. Whenever you walk out of that door, I worry myself to death. I swear, I walk around with a knot in my stomach for days until you return because- I genuinely have no idea what I would do without you. My heart, my mind, my soul- it's all just so full of you."

Bucky knew that he was loved. Oh boy, he was loved well, he was loved to death. He could feel his eyes dampening a little, salty tears stinging his eyes as he reached for you again, covering your face with butterfly kisses, leaving no spot unkissed. He shamelessly dropped his weight on top of you afterwards, smothering you with himself and his love, as he buried his head on your neck.

There was no way that you could ever complain.

"I taught Alpine how to sit on command, by the way."

His laugh didn't help the way a single tear escaped your eyes, but you didn't mind crying out of love. "Stop training my girl, she's an independent feline."

"She's an independent and greedy feline. Would do anything for a treat, I bet I could teach her how to do those dog-show tricks with enough food involved."

"Show me when I wake up, m'kay?" he asked, voice laced with exhaustion finally breaking through. "And- teach her how to give paw. Without claws."

"I tried. My hand still looks like it went through the garbage disposal."

Bucky woke up a few hours later than you, to an empty bed. Heavy patter of sock-clad feet resonated through the small apartment as he made his way over to the kitchen, pulling an appreciative hum out of you when he wrapped his arms around the back of your busy figure. You were already done with the dishes when he came, thankfully, knowing very well that no matter how exhausted he was, he'd take the task from you.

You leaned back on him, basking on his warmth while he watched you wash off the remaining soap from your hands, patting them on the nearest towel. "Morning, sunshine." you chuckled, slowly turning around in his hold to smile up at him. "Slept well?"

"Yeah, except for the part where you abandoned me." a playful pout was on his lips as he spoke, pulling you closer as if you'd vanish from his hold if he didn't feel you tighter against him. "It was traumatizing, you see."

"Oh quit being so dramatic," you rolled your eyes playfully before attempting to push him off of you. He didn't budge, though, instead leaning close with his lips dangerously close to yours. "I was gonna bring you some fruit."

"That can wait," he shrugged, reaching in for a temptative peck. He leaned in even closer when you didn't complain, lips brushing against yours to invite you in. You gave in embarrassingly fast, lips molding to his in a gentle kiss as you held onto the counter behind you, his warm hands cupping your cheeks to guide you through it.

Bucky has always been a gentle lover, and it specifically showed in the way he held you, no matter how desperate he was to have your lips trapped between his. He was slow- giving you chances here and there to catch your breath as his own lips traveled a bit south, leaving soft kisses at their wake as they toured your neck. You could feel his smile against you, that lazy and appreciative smile of his which you loved so much, always attempting to pull that out of him.

The breaking factor of your kiss was the way Alpine meowed to get your attention, alerting you of her feeding time with rather unpleasantly loud sounds. "Oh wow," Bucky pulled away a little with a laugh, lips wet with a mixture of both your salivas- he didn't care much. "Seriously, baby girl? Couldn't see that we're busy over here?"

"She's traumatized enough," you reached in for one last kiss, the short peck clearly not enough for Bucky as he tried to follow your lips. You pushed him away with a playful laugh before walking towards Alpine's food bowl, her slim white figure swaying happily by your side. "Sorry, baby. Blame your daddy, not me." you hummed, pulling out her bag of food and ignoring the way Bucky teased you right back, focusing on filling her bowl instead.

You pushed yourself up to your feet with a grunt when Alpine got occupied with her food, noticing the way Bucky seemed to melt into the comfort of the couch. "You're still all stiff, aren't you?" you cooed, earning a slight nod from him. "I'll run us a bath."

Warm water did wonders to muscles, sore from your office job, and in Bucky's case, from days worth of constant anxiety upon willingly facing risks. Your chest against his back, the two of you eased in the silence, as you trailed kisses through both of his arms. He reached his metal arm out when you held onto it, admiring the way your soft flesh contrasted with the dark vibranium before intertwining your fingers.

"I don't remember a lot about my mom," he whispered softly, a sigh following right after. "It's mostly just my father. He passed away when I was in my early twenties, a few years before I was deployed." you gave his flesh hand a slight squeeze, knowing that he didn't like to talk about the past that much.

"Yet, sometimes I find myself wishing that you could've met him. He wasn't- well, he was a bit strict at times but he always told me to never let go of a woman who loves me, and to hold her to death if that's where it all goes." he chuckled, as you smiled a bit, watching the water moving along with him. "He'd scold me for not taking these things seriously but now I know what he meant. I hope he got to feel the same way that I do now, when he was with my mother."

"He'd be incredibly proud of you, Bucky." you held his arm closer against your chest, rubbing it soothingly. "For the man you've become. A good man."

"I like to imagine that." yet another sigh escaped him. "After I got back to my senses, out of HYDRA, I felt so… Lost. No family or friends, not even an acquaintance except for Steve and- you know, he had his own stuff to do. Captain America and his responsibilities, all that. I wanted to hold onto him so tight but at the same time, I felt guilty that I'd be holding a hero back. It didn't feel safe, comfortable or even just decent with anyone else- until, well, fate brought you to me."

You closed your eyes, heart feeling warmer than ever at his confessions.

"Steve realized that I fell for you long before I did. I knew that- I could see it in him, obviously, he's been my best friend for over eighty years- and I felt like the way he trusted you with me, it could only mean that I could be able to do the same. Know that I'm free of judgment when I'm by your side." he pulled you closer for a moment, just to lay a gentle kiss on your damp hair. "I felt like a dead man for all those years, until you held my hand for the first time. I felt like I was electroshocked or something." you laughed at that, patting his arm.

"You make me feel so alive, too, did you know that?" you spoke up, tracing his fingers with the tips of yours. "You make me feel human. Completely, utterly. Because with every flaw that I have, I know that I also have you to love them. To make me accept them."

"We're not meant to be flawless," he added on to your point. "But sweetheart, you're perfect with your flaws. And you make me feel perfect with mine."

Although the water wasn't as warm as before, you still basked in his embrace comfortably,

[bearsficrecs]

Bucky Barnes Fic recs!!

Authors note: NONE of these fics are mine!!! these are just some of my comfort reads, all credits go to the amazing authors that wrote them <3 Go show them some love!!!

In the blink of an eye - by @stardustdreams-andcaffeine (mob!bucky x reader)

Summary: With Bucky Barnes, the mafia lord of New York, as your boyfriend, you’re usually safe from any and all harm. With a date night gone wrong and your boyfriend distracted, though, anything can happen in the blink of an eye.

More By @stardustdreams-andcaffeine (mob!bucky x reader)

Summary: You’re the secretary to one of the most powerful mob bosses in the country, and that’s what he was supposed to stay—your boss. The heart often has other plans. Now, you’re in a race against time to save the life of James Barnes, the mob boss who has become so much more.

Mob!bucky and his fairy! - by @kinanabinks

the adventures of bucky and his fairy.

H.C.M.C - by @vibraniumcollar (biker!bucky x reader)

Summary: Reader is new to Brooklyn and after an incident at the garage belonging to Howling Commandos Motorcycle Club, her life is changed forever.

Sunrise - by @wkemeup (modern!bucky x reader)

summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is discharged from active duty and sent back to civilian life. Left with a storm of unchecked guilt, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU)

Howlin' for you - by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Summary: When Y/N gets an unreal deal on her first home, she wonders why her neighbor scared away all the other buyers. Despite being cautious, she wonders why the town has given Bucky Barnes a bad name.

Astrophile - by @all1e23 (firefighter!singledad!bucky x reader)

Summary: Orion Rebecca Barnes’s favorite thing in the whole world (besides her daddy of course) is spending hours after school in the bookstore by her house and the owner GIVES her any book she wants; she’s the coolest girl Orion has ever met. It doesn’t take long for Bucky to notice his daughter’s sudden interest in constellations and the large stack of astrology related books piling up in her room. He’s spent her entire life trying to teach her about the stars and where her name came from with little interest from his little comet and all of sudden she’s in love.

Something domestic - by @fandoms-writings ( ex-military amputee!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader)

Summary: Needing an escape from the loud and busy city life, Bucky comes to stay with you on your little farm. He didn’t expect you, a hardworking and beautiful woman with struggles of your own, to take his breath away and make life a little less dreary.

Sweet as cinnamon sugar - by @ofstarsandvibranium (cop!singledad!bucky x waitress!reader)

Summary: The love story of an insecure divorced, single father cop and a good-hearted, sweet as sugar, diner waitress.

in the embers - by @foreverindreamlandd (Firefighter!Bucky x Fem!Plus Size!Adopted Rogers!Reader)

Summary: Bucky Barnes. The boy next door. Your brother’s best friend. The guy you’ve been in love with for as long as you can remember. Unrequited, that is, seeing that he only thinks of you as a sister (at least, that’s what you always thought). It’s been about a decade since you’ve returned home and reunited with the boy - now man - with stunning blue eyes and a smile that still puts a million butterflies in your stomach. You never expected to come back, thinking that you’d spend the rest of your life as a famous artist in Los Angeles with your boyfriend/manager. But things change, life gets messy, and now you’re back in your childhood bedroom living with your mom and working at the townie bar to make ends meet while you try to figure out what the hell to do next. The one thing that hasn’t changed? Bucky Barnes is still the boy next door, and there’s no running from him this time.

Delicate Edges - by @wkemeup (biker!bucky x reader)

summary: Your family’s beloved flower shop was not the only thing you inherited when your parents passed. Trapped under a mountain of debt to the Hydra club, you bear the cost of your father’s desperate bargain. It’s only in moments when the charming Bucky Barnes walks into your shop that you can forget the cruelty of the biker clubs of this town. But a war is brewing. The border is crumbling. You’re trapped in the middle. And Bucky will stop at nothing to keep you safe. (Biker!AU)

Charlie's angels - by @buckysknifecollection (Bucky x reader)

Summary: Charlotte Barton is an agent of SHIELD who through her friendship with Sharon Carter gets involved with the famous Alpha Team. Friendships, banter and a bit of a crush on a certain super soldier occur.

The witness - by @wkemeup (detective!bucky x reader)

summary: Owner of a bar full of criminals, maybe you shouldn’t be surprised when you’re the sole witness to a hydra hit. In comes Detective Barnes, the quick-witted, flirtatious cop who somehow became a regular at your misfit bar. When he takes it upon himself to ensure your safety off the books, you learn to rely on someone else for a change and find you don’t mind it at all. Not when it’s him.

Under the tree - By @barnesmurdock (Beefy!Chubby!Bucky x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You and your husband have a picnic under a tree

[fandoms-writings]

3. "Let me kiss it better." omg please please please with either my favorite sweet angel Something Domestic Bucky or our favorite Daddy🥺

I have to bring back the OG for this 🥺

Pairing: ex-military amputee!Bucky x fem!reader

Word Count: 624

Warnings: it's a little more angsty than i intended, but it's okay

come celebrate with me! || Series Masterlist

It was just one of those days. The ones where everything is just a little heavier than usual. 

You couldn't pinpoint exactly what's wrong, or why you feel the way you do, but you're just done with the day. You got everything done, took care of the horses, did the chores. And now, it was hitting you like a truck. 

You sat on the couch, nothing on the tv to entertain you, your phone forgotten about on the coffee table. Your book that you'd thought might help remained untouched on the side table. Glancing out the window, you could see Bucky and Peter chatting as they walked back from the barn, Bruno following closely at their heels. 

Sighing, you looked down to Alpine, cuddled on the cushion next to you and you laid down, wrapping your arms around the little fluff ball as she stretched her paws out. 

You weren't sure how long you laid there, Alpine in your arms and just staring off into the void, but eventually Bucky entered your field of vision, kneeling next to the couch as he watched you. 

"You okay? I've been calling for you." He whispered, reaching up to drag his fingertips along your scalp. 

Your eyes focused on him, seeing the worry in his eyes and filling you with a sort of guilt. Bucky had been doing so well lately, he was visibly happy and told you so every night. So why were you making him worry about you? Why couldn't you just be happy too?

He must've seen the argument in your head because he asked again, "What's going on?" His voice dropped low and his brows scrunched and all you could do was shrug your shoulders. You wanted to tell him that sometimes life just got you down, but the words wouldn't leave your lips, it was like your voice disappeared. The small sigh he let out through his nose made the guilt in your stomach rise to your chest, tightening around your heart. 

"How can I help?" He whispered, swiping his thumb along your cheek. 

Your head shook, "I'll be fine." You didn't want him worrying over you when you didn't even know what was wrong. Usually, you just waited for it to pass whenever you got like this. 

"Darlin'," He softly warned, "If you want me to leave you alone, I will. But don't lie to me." 

Your eyes welled up at the sincerity in his voice and your voice cracked, "I'm sorry." 

He shushed your apology, swiping your tears with his knuckles, "What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" 

You sniffled, trying to gather your thoughts and your voice before explaining, "For making you worry about me. For not being happy  but not knowing what's wrong or how to fix it. Sometimes I just want to disappear and be swallowed by the couch and - "

"Hey," He muttered, cutting you off from rambling too far. "You don't have to apologize for that." He helped you sit up so he could sit next to you, tucking you into his side. "You're allowed to be sad sometimes, too." 

He held you like that for what felt like an eternity, the sun disappearing behind the horizon, leaving you in almost complete darkness had it not been for the corner light that was on. When you finally pulled yourself away from him, eyes puffy and nose running, you felt lighter. Like a weight had been lifted off your chest and the guilt was no longer wrapped around your heart. 

He helped you wipe your face off, gently cleaning off the tears before he cupped your cheeks. "Better?" 

You nodded, "Kinda." 

He smirked at you, "Let me kiss it all the way better then."

[chickenfics]

Scars

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Fem!reader Western AU

Summary: Running from a past that haunts you and a future that is unsure, the last thing you wanted was to take up with a stranger. Strangers, you'd learned, are almost always more trouble than they're worth. But when dangers from the life you're trying to leave behind get too close for comfort, drastic times call for drastic measures, and the stranger you'd once feared becomes the only person you can trust -- and perhaps the only person you'd call your friend. Now you both just have to make it out alive... 

Or: the western AU that nobody asked for

Word Count: 8k

A/N: This is a mature fic and is going to contain graphic depictions of violence and abuse, both physical and emotional. Reader has a brother (original character) and a backstory, but is still intended to be a self-insert rather than an OC. Content warnings will be given in the notes of every chapter, but expect most of the violence that comes with westerns (excluding any graphic depictions of sexual violence).

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged for future chapters!

Content Warning: mentioned domestic abuse, alcohol, guns, assault

Also on Ao3

Next Chapter Masterlist

Chapter 1

The saloon was half empty, giving the dusty rays of morning light plenty of room to cast themselves onto the floor. A plank or two was crooked, pulled out of the rest of the floorboards in one bar fight or another, never fixed, even after all this time; left to meld into the landscape of the place. Dirty windows, swinging doors, a bar situated to the left of them, and tables -- rickety, the kind that make you wonder how they’re still standing, let alone supporting the average lost soul’s weight as their choice of poison mixed with the sweat on their brow and the grime on their hands. 

And busted floorboards, ripped out to expose slender nails like teeth. A tripping hazard for sure, but the least a person had to worry about when entering a place like this. 

Even so, at barely the crack of dawn, all the drunkards, the cowboys, and the scum of the earth -- who stumbled in to get drunk after a long day’s work and stumbled out with bourbon in their bellies and fire in their fists, an unfortunate combination for the wives or children they had waiting for them at home -- were gone; fast asleep in their beds or passed out somewhere they weren’t supposed to be. 

In the early morning hours, the only people to be found in the saloon -- one you couldn’t remember the name of on account of it being too much like all the others you’d visited over the years -- were the occasional laborer stopping to get a quick, desperate pint before a long day in the sun, or a fur trapper or traveling businessman mustering the courage and strength to head out on their next journey through the wilderness. 

You fell somewhere in between and outside of the two -- a wandering soul passing through towns like a ghost or a curse; not many noticed you were there, and the ones that did weren’t sure enough of what they’d seen to remember you for long. 

Good. That was how you liked it. How you needed it. 

Blending into the scenery had been the skill to keep you alive. Not your talent with a gun, nor the experience you'd gained over the years -- two things that he would have scoffed at had he heard you make any sort of claim on them. But you knew they were true, no matter how long he and the others had spent trying to bend you towards thinking otherwise. 

You knew who you were, and you knew what you could do. 

You also knew what you couldn’t do, which made you more powerful than any one of them -- them and their drunken nights fueled by wild ideas and dangerous plans breathed beneath the crackle of the fire. Them and their heavy hands, reaching further, pushing harder than you’d ever thought they…. 

The door to the saloon swung open and closed in a swift movement, squeaking on its old, rickety hinges. You didn’t look up from where you sat, shoulders hunched and elbowed pressed into the rough wood of the countertop. A shot glass sat unattended between your arms, and your ill-fitting goatskin coat fell past the stool you sat on. In a way, it offered its own protection; another measure to blend into the dreary brown walls. 

Barely a minute passed before a hand fell onto your shoulder. You just managed to repress your flinch, redirecting it into the clench of your fists against the counter. 

“What’s a pretty thing like you doin’ dressed like that? Hm, darlin’?”

Clenching your firsts wasn’t enough. You added your jaw to the mix, grinding your teeth together before lifting your arm, shouldering his hand off and downing your shot of rye in one fluid motion. It burned going down, but it felt better than his hand trying to paw its way back onto you. 

“Piss off,” you threw through gritted teeth, your voice coming out harsher than usual thanks to both disuse and your disquiet. 

Fear had always made you rough, just in all the wrong ways. It made your throat clog up until you couldn’t speak, your muscles clench until you couldn’t move. Fear had always been the thing to hold you in place for whatever you were scared of to have its way with you. 

You were trying to fix that. 

Swinging the flap of your coat aside, you thumbed the heel of your revolver, fingers grazing the grip. A threat, but one that you did not intend to act on, not because you couldn’t -- you knew damn well that you could -- but because you knew you wouldn’t need to. There were plenty of “pretty things” for a man to spend his morning with that wouldn’t threaten to shoot him where the sun didn’t shine. He wouldn’t waste his time on you, especially when you were already on your way out the door, swinging your hat onto your head and tilting it low. 

The weathered rim blocked the sunrise from your face as you stepped down off the porch of the saloon. Glancing down the road of the small town -- so small it was barely worth its mark on the map -- you were greeted with sand, dusty wood, and nothing more. You were a ghost in a ghost town.

The thought could have almost made you smile. It didn’t. 

Instead, you unwound your reins from the hitching post and threw them over your Palamino’s head -- a piece of stolen goods from your old life that you’d stolen again when you decided to leave that life behind. 

His head jerked with a start as you woke him from his early morning dozing, but he quickly calmed himself and stood at attention, ready for another day of work. He was a level-headed thing, but with more of an attitude than even you. 

“Well, Horse,” you muttered, tightening the girth before kicking your foot up into the stirrup. “Think we’ve overstayed our welcome. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Swinging your leg around and settling easily into the saddle with a toss of your worn, faded coat, you checked that everything was cinched to the saddle and tapped your heels. Horse took off at a brisk trot, and you spun him in a circle before urging him towards the edge of town, a line just below the glowing, bright horizon. 

________________________________________________________________

You’d spent the last three months moving from town to town, picking your way along the map. The longest you’d gone without seeing civilization was three weeks, and it had been both the most content and the most uneasy you'd ever felt. On one hand, you had never liked being in town -- any town -- and preferred to keep a safe distance from strangers, especially when they came in herds. 

On the other hand, the only time you’d ever been alone in the wilderness was with them, back when you had been traveling with your own herd, so to speak. There had only been one time prior that you’d been alone besides now, and you didn’t think about that. Ever. 

If you did, it only made you push yourself harder, traveling faster and with fewer stops, less rest, more paranoia. That’s how you had spent the first month, and Horse was still recovering from it. Hell, you were too, but you were more worried about Horse. If he fell ill or injured, you would be abandoned out on the plains with nothing but a dead horse and a rapidly closing distance between you and the past you were trying to leave behind. 

So, when four weeks passed and nothing happened, you finally forced yourself to slow down. And, for the first time, you’d allowed yourself to stop at the nearest town. It had been small and meaningless, and you’d decided to stay the night. Then a faulty door lock and a drunk man had reminded you why you never trusted places like those. 

You were more careful, after that, whenever you stopped for supplies. You found yourself hearing his voice in your head, all the things he’d taught you since you were children, hiding under the bed as glasses were smashed and shattered outside your shared room. Its presence never failed to fill you with a roil of nausea, as potent as it was vile, but the advice it offered was sound. 

You’d always hated that about him; he knew what he was talking about, and he knew how to say it. It was all the things he did in between the words that made you run -- that had been the reason Horse was picking his way through the underbrush of a scarred, depressing forest. The plains had begun to change after two days of riding. You noticed more plant life, more shrubs and bushes, and then even a few trees. After two more days, those few trees turned into the beginnings of a forest. 

In a sense, it was a relief. The canopy offered you shade from the unforgiving sun that had been pressing against the top of your head and shoulders for the last several days. The trees would offer you more protection during the nights, too; a place to make decent camp -- a welcome change from simply rolling your bedroll onto the desert floor and propping your hat over your face. 

But the forest meant unforeseen dangers. Out on the plains, you could see the approach of a stranger from miles away. Sure, you couldn’t hide, but you could spot them first. But in the canopy of the forest, woven between the trees and bushes, anyone could be lurking. The chances of you seeing them before they saw you were just as likely as the alternative. You didn’t like that. It put you on edge -- or more on edge than usual. 

You’d spent life on the edge since you were but fourteen. The edge was a familiar friend and a lifelong companion. 

But in the pleasantly cool atmosphere of the woods, you found yourself relaxing ever so slightly. Enough that you let your feet fall from the stirrups, giving Horse a loose rein so he could comfortably navigate the rough terrain. Twisting around in your saddle, you took quick stock of your supplies; it had been almost a week since you’d passed any sign of occupied civilization, and the only evidence of life had been a run-down ranch and a few abandoned cabins. 

You were almost out of grain, and though there would now be some grazing options with the sudden foliage, you estimated you had about three days before running out entirely. Slipping the map from your breast pocket, you shook it out and located the last town you’d visited. Trailing your eyes along the path you’d taken, you quickly found the clump of woods. 

Reigning Horse to a halt, you let him dip his head and graze as you squinted at the frayed paper. The forest stretched on for about fifty miles, and the nearest town lay fifteen miles East beyond its edge. If you kept a brisk pace until nightfall, you suspected you could arrive by midday tomorrow. 

Scanning ahead on the map, you noticed that there would be a long stretch between this town and the next. You’d need to stock up on enough supplies to last you a few weeks. Fingering the coin purse in your pocket, the ever-present knot of anxiety twisted your stomach up in knots. You had more than enough money to get you to where you were going and then some; that wasn’t why the thought of it made your chest feel heavy or your lungs feel full of cotton and sand. Shivering, you tried to shrug off the memories swarming around the inside of your head like black flies. It would do you no good to think about any of that now. It was too late -- you’d made your choice, and if you didn’t keep moving, that choice was going to kill you. 

No amount of thinking would change that, so you pulled Horse’s head up and urged him forward. You wondered if he could sense it too, the need to keep moving. He probably could. Despite what the flashiest and most skilled cowboys tried to tell you, you’d always known that horses were sensitive. They were more sensitive than people sometimes, and you had seen many a horse broken by an iron rod and a ruthless fist, measures justified by the claim that it was “just an animal.”

Humans were animals, too. You wondered if that was the excuse people used when they beat people down; raped, killed, maimed. You wondered if they told themselves that they were “just animals” in order to sleep at night. You wondered if they even needed the excuse. 

At the squeeze of your legs, Horse picked up his pace. You weren’t looking forward to another trip into town. The knowledge that it was necessary -- that it was coming -- sank into your gut like a river stone; smooth and cold and heavy. It melded with the lining of your stomach until everything inside you felt frigid and abiotic. But as much as you were dreading the trip, you wanted to get it done and over with. The quicker you got in and resupplied, the quicker you could be on your way -- an assured few weeks of wilderness descending like a promise of relief on the stormy churn of your future. If you told yourself you needed only to do this -- this one last thing and then you could rest -- the weight of it became a little more bearable. 

So you focused on the steady footfalls of Horse and you listened carefully to the soft hum of the forest as the coolness of it soaked into your skin. The day passed almost peacefully this way, and if you were another person, perhaps you could have let yourself surrender to that peace. Perhaps you could have taken a breath. 

But you weren’t. You were… you, and you just couldn’t find it in yourself to relax. 

By the time the sun began to set, the filters of golden light disappearing from between the branches, replaced instead by an indigo glow, you were exhausted. You hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time -- longer than just your recent journeys -- and you suspected that tonight would be no different. 

Still, you were looking forward to finding a nice bit of shelter. As the darkness of the growing night spread around you like ink, you began to search for accommodations. You found them in a fallen tree, its wizened, bare branches creating half of a shelter already. All you’d need to do was drape your rain slicker across the opening and you’d be hidden from the rest of the world. 

The reality of not being able to see your surroundings as clearly as out on the plains hit you square in the face, and you felt your panic rise a little from its place deep in your gut. But you shrugged it off, trying to convince yourself that if you couldn't see them, they couldn’t see you. Trying to convince yourself that they  weren’t here -- they were far behind you. You had enough time; you could get one restful night of sleep without punishment. 

As the last of the sun’s lingering rays dipped below the horizon, leaving the sky to blacken with the night, you dismounted, giving Horse a pat on his clammy, sweat-streaked neck. As the first stars began to blink into the sky, you pulled out your slicker and draped it along the opening. You suspected that it was going to be a cold night, despite how hot the day had been, and welcomed the extra protection from the elements. 

You had just untied your bedroll when you heard the snap of a twig. 

You spotted the horse first, so white that it almost glowed against the backdrop of the forest, looking so much like something out of the ghost stories you’d been told as a child that, for a moment, you almost had yourself convinced it wasn’t real. 

Then you saw the man. 

You scrambled for your gun, freeing it from the holster at your hip and taking a stumbling step backward -- eyes flashing down as you almost tripped over a root. In the few seconds that your gaze had been off of him, the man had pulled his own gun from beneath the clay-green poncho that covered his left side, stopping just below his hip. 

He held it out, barrel pointed at you with a steady hand that seemed to mock the tremor you could feel shooting through your own body. But when you glanced down at your hand, it was just as steady as his. You swallowed hard and the man tilted his head at you. 

It was hard to make him out in the dim light, and when you realized he was close enough for you to see the dark brown, almost curly hair that reached his shoulders, or the way his angular face was held in a passive stare, you felt yourself take another step back. 

He was massive. 

You’d crossed paths with your fair share of large men -- and women, for that matter -- but there was something about this one that had your heart clenching. His bicep looked bigger than your head, and his towering height -- paired with the fact that he was on an incline -- made him appear even bigger. 

“Easy now,” he spoke, voice almost as dark as the night, but soft. You’d learned long ago not to take a soft voice and equate it with kindness. The arm pointing your revolver at him tightened, the muscles flexing, and he noticed. 

“C’mon, take it easy. Wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt now…”

You felt the first tremor break through your hand. Your damn hands always gave you away. The man noticed -- you could see it clearly on his face, in the twitch of his brow.  

“I’m just passin’ through,” he said, lowering his weapon almost nonchalantly, but the eyes trained on you were so piercing that they felt just as dangerous as any gun. 

They were dangerous not because they were hostile or threatening, but because they were smart. 

Your hands were certainly shaking now. You balled your free hand into a fist against your thigh and grit your teeth, willing the sign of weakness to stop. It would get you killed if you couldn’t stop it. 

The man’s lips tugged into a small frown, and you tried not to let your breath sound ragged in your chest. He held up his hands in surrender, pistol hanging from his finger. 

“Look, if you just lower your weapon, I’ll be on my way. I have no quarrel with you.”

Your vision flashed white as you heard his voice. 

“C’mon, just lower the gun, Kitty. Be a good girl…”

You screwed your eyes shut for just a second to will the tears away -- you could absolutely not cry -- and tore them open, leveling the gun at the stranger with renewed vigor. He sighed. 

“Goddammit -- fine,” his voice raised in volume to meet you, and there was something in it that made whatever he would say next final. “Now I’m gonna turn around and continue on my way. I get the idea you know what you’re doin’ with that thing, so if you plan on shooting me your aim best strike true the first time because I assure you, you will not get a second.”

With that, he was moving again. You retreated another frantic step and your back hit the rough edge of the tree with a hollow thump. The man halted, tilting his head at you again. You couldn’t be sure, but you thought there was curiosity there. You felt your chest constrict, fear numbing your veins, but with a click of his tongue, he led his horse forward and disappeared into the underbrush. 

You watched him go, only relaxing when you could no longer hear the rustling of his feet. All at once, you felt the adrenaline flee your body. Your knees buckled and you slumped heavily against the tree, ignoring the future bruises painted on by the branches digging into your back. 

You drew in a shuddering breath, letting it out in a sigh -- repeating the process a few times with the mantra you now lived by running through your head; it hadn’t been him. It hadn’t been them. That was the most important thing. You could deal with a strange, terrifying man, but you wouldn’t survive if it was them. You lifted a subconscious hand to the side of your throat, thumbing the bandana that covered it. 

Knowing that you had come so close to a stranger -- and a man of that size and, if you were guessing right, skill, no less -- sent panic bubbling up into your throat. It was obvious you were making camp; what if he came back while you were sleeping? What if he had been lying and intended to return to rob you, or kill you, or worse?

The decision was made with that single thought -- that single potential threat -- and you were hastily rolling your rain slicker up and strapping it back onto your saddle bag. You’d just have to travel through the night. No matter how slow or dangerous the travel was, it was clear you couldn’t stop, just in case the man with the apparent good intentions had been lying. 

And they usually were. 

“Sorry bud,” you managed to whisper an apology to Horse as you swung yourself into the saddle, legs still a bit shaky. It was one of the few reactions you hadn’t been able to fix, no matter how hard you’d tried. 

“No sleep tonight.”

With a barely muffled sigh, you guided your horse forward, heading in the direction that, you hoped, was opposite of the stranger, trying to forget the way his eyes had bored into you or the way his pistol had aimed so steadily at your own. 

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The town wasn’t hard to find. It was bigger than the last you’d been to, containing more than just a few rows of buildings, outposts, and a church. This one had well-worn roads, a cluster of homes along the edge, and an array of shops clearly intended to sell anything a traveler might need while passing through. 

You kept your hat low, bandana pulled up and over the lower half of your face. You’d removed your goat skin jacket, securing it to the back of your saddle to try and find relief from the blistering noonday heat. Buildings sat on either side of you; a bank, a schoolhouse, an inn -- your eyes scanned the porches and doorways of each of them. People passed on either side of you as well -- women in dusty, sun-bleached skirts, their hair tied up in braids or wrapped in scarves. Men on horseback rode by you in the street, some tipping their hats in disinterested greeting, others ignoring you altogether. Your face remained passive, a blank and somewhat unpleasant mask to discourage anyone from talking to you. 

To your right, you caught sight of a corral, filled with what looked to be a group of fine wild horseflesh tearing about and wheeling in circles, challenging the wooden planks that held them inside. Horse pricked his ears, watching them intently. You urged him forward past the corral, stopping just outside the attached stable. 

A bearded man greeted you, wiping his hands on a handkerchief before tucking it into his waistband. You dismounted, tying Horse to the nearest post, and tipped your hat in hesitant greeting. The man's eyes were warm brown and looked kind. As if sensing the discomfort you carried with you, he tucked his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders slightly, almost timidly. 

“What can I do for you, Miss?”

“I need grain. Enough for a few weeks,” you replied, pulling your bandana down around your neck but still staying a good distance from him.

He nodded slowly and whistled in thought, eyeing up Horse. 

“This the fellow you’ll be feedin’?”

“Yes sir."

“Right then,” the man replied, tilting his head. “Feed ‘im anything else? Foliage or alfalfa, anything of the sorts?”

“He grazes when he can,” you answered, shrugging. “He doesn’t need much, just enough to get him by.”

The man nodded knowingly, then gestured for you to follow him into the barn. You went as far as the double doors before stopping, but he didn’t say a word about it and reappeared a few minutes later with two burlap sacks no bigger than your saddlebag tied together securely with twine. 

“This should do. You can mix it with water to stretch it a little further, make it expand so it fills ‘em up.” 

You took the bags from him, nodding your thanks and inquiring as to his price. He told you, and you handed over the payment. 

“Is there a… general store around here?” You reluctantly asked, your back already half turned to him with your eagerness to be on your way. Still, you figured getting directions would be quicker and less risky than wandering around town until you found what you needed. 

“Yes’m there is, three buildings down that way, on your left,” he pointed in the direction you’d been heading, and you nodded. 

“Thank you.”

“Yes’m. Ride safe,” he tipped an imaginary hat, and a thin smile worked its way onto your lips. His kind eyes shone a bit brighter before he turned away, heading back to the work you’d interrupted him from. 

It was moments like these that reminded you not all people were a threat. It was moments like these that were dangerous because they had you aching to let your guard down, to believe that not everyone would hurt you the first chance they got. You had believed that, once -- a long time ago, when you were still a child in your father's home. Not anymore, and it was the only reason you were alive. 

Shaking your head, you readjusted the cloth around your neck and tried not to let your fingers linger. You needed a clear head, and you needed to get moving so you could get the hell out of here. Grabbing Horse’s reins, you gave his neck a few soothing pats and led him forward, deciding that you’d walk to give him a break from carrying you. 

The general store proved to not be far, and you made it there without eliciting a glance from any of the wandering souls that passed you by. The store was a squat, brown building situated between a tailor and what looked to be the town hall. You secured Horse to the hitching post outside and stiffly climbed the stairs, feeling the old familiar ache in your knees from hours in the saddle. 

A woman, her skirts a pale blue, was standing just outside, folded umbrella in hand. She gave you a kind smile as you passed, and you managed a nod before slipping inside. The man at the desk watched you enter, eyeing you up in the way that all shopkeepers and merchants did; like he was trying to decide if you would pay or if he’d have to chase you out with a broom. 

You had a dire need to resupply, so you removed your hat, running a hand over your sweat-slicked forehead before stepping up to the counter. 

“What can I get for you?” The shopkeeper, a greasy-looking short man asked. He sounded like he had a cold, and he pushed his glasses up on his nose as he studied you with something like barely restrained disgust. 

“A… few things,” you began, then gave him a list of supplies you were short on. 

You had your stock committed to memory, going through it every night and planning out your use of it. You suspected it was a way for you to feel in control of your situation -- a desperate attempt at warding off the panic that was always threatening to consume you whole. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t -- but regardless, it at least meant you weren’t likely to miss or run out of anything. 

The clerk raised an eyebrow at your requests, but he adjusted his glasses and began scratching things onto a yellow notepad beneath the counter. When you finished, he tore the page off and handed it to you, then turned to begin packing things away. 

You scanned over the receipt with disinterest until something caught your eye. 

“When did the price of cornmeal rise?” you asked. The man scoffed. 

“I beg your pardon, missy?”

“You charge six cents for a pound of cornmeal,” you replied. “The last town I passed through sold it for three.”

“Well then, you had better return to the last town you passed through because here we sell it for six cents a pound,” he turned and dropped a bag onto the counter. A bag that was, apparently, worth six cents. “And you  have been the first to complain about such a price.”

There was a challenge in every aspect of his demeanor, and you felt anger swell through your chest. He was cheating you and he knew there was nothing you could do to stop him besides not purchasing the items. Which he likely knew you also couldn’t do. 

“Will there be a problem, or shall I continue wrapping your orders?”

You clenched your jaw, shoving your anger down, and gave a short jerk of your head. 

“No problem here,” you added, voice lowering to a hum, matching his challenge in the only way you could. 

Fake politeness got on your nerves. It wasn’t long ago that you would have pointed your gun at his head and taken whatever goods you wanted, but those days were behind you -- and for the better; even if you did have to pay six cents for cornmeal. 

The clerk finished gathering your order, but not without several unfriendly looks in your direction. It was only when you’d gathered everything into a canvas sack that he spoke again. 

“You know,” he leaned over the counter, as if the two of you were sharing some secret gossip about the lady two doors down. “You should visit the River Dog Saloon. I think you’d find it… interesting.”

There was something in his voice, in the smirk on his chapped, red lips, that made your stomach sink through the floorboards. You gave him a scowl, and unease followed you as you retreated back onto the porch. 

The woman from earlier was gone, and for some reason that only made your dread grow. You were being irrational -- the vague words of some slimy store owner shouldn't have you worked up like it did. Should have you feeling that old familiar tremble of fear trying to push its way past your defenses. It shouldn’t. 

Slinging your bag over the saddle, ensuring that everything was secure, you untied the reins. Giving Horse a little tug, you began your steady trek down the dust-covered road. Splotches of mud were caked along the edges, and you hopped over them, causing Horse to follow you and give a little buck of excitement. Even in your anxiety, you smiled at the animal before settling him with a firm rein and a pat. 

The center of the road was drier, and you steered clear of puddles. Your boots should have been replaced months ago, and at this point, it wouldn't be long before holes were worn into the leather. You spotted the sign towards the edge of the town, swinging lazily in the stagnant afternoon breeze. A cobbler. 

Slowing to a stop, you gently pushed Horse away as he tried to itch his forehead on your shoulder and stared at the building. It looked near deserted, and the distant view of shoes through the window was the only sign that it was even still in business. Glancing around, you found no one on that side of the street. A few school children, led by their teacher, walked hurriedly from one building to the next, but no one else was in sight. The saloon sat a door over, attached to the same building as the cobbler, and a bathhouse on the opposite side. Several horses were tethered to the hitching post outside, their riders presumably inside quenching their thirst or getting up to any number of other unsavory activities. 

Swallowing thickly, you made up your mind; if this was going to be your last taste of civilization for a while, you should probably err on the side of caution and buy a new pair of boots now while you had the chance to. 

Slinking over to the hitching post, you tied Horse loosely to it, ready to go with a quick tug in case of an emergency. Ruffling his mane absentmindedly, you headed for the nearest stairs to the porch. Your footfalls sounded too loud in your ears, but you tried to ignore it. You also tried to ignore how the town had suddenly gone quiet. That was fine, it was lunchtime for some people, anyway. 

The stairs let you onto the porch directly between the saloon and the cobbler. You had just turned left, ducking to look through the grimy window, when someone grabbed you around the waist, yanking you backwards as they clamped a harsh hand over your mouth. Your scream was muffled against their palm, which covered your nose, too, cutting off your oxygen. You slammed an elbow into their gut and they winced, giving you a cruel shake before spinning around and throwing you forwards and through a doorway. 

Your arms flew out to catch yourself, but they were met with a hard surface as you slammed into something. Stumbling back a step, you managed to right yourself, and there he was. 

“M… Mickey?” you breathed, eyes widening as you retreated another step. You whipped around, spinning on your heels and making for the door, but you were stopped by another chest. 

That’s when you recognized the person who had grabbed you. 

“Red,” you flinched as the name left your mouth, a raspy whisper, and the tall, lanky man gave you one of his signature grins -- the kind that meant he was about to hurt someone. Hurt you.

“Bernie’s here, too.” You spun around at the smug voice, a smirk plastered on his face as he nodded to the woman at his right lounging against a supporting beam. Even though she wore her hat low, you would have recognized her anywhere. 

“The whole gang’s here, baby sister,” Mickey drawled, taking a step towards you. You flinched but stood your ground, knowing Red was still behind you. “Well,” he tilted his head, a mocking pout twisting his lips. “Everybody ‘cept for the Twins. But you already knew that, didn't you?”

You opened your mouth, jaw working not for an answer but for air. You couldn’t breathe. 

“Oh?” Mickey's voice was soft, high, and he raised a scruffy eyebrow. “What’s this now? You don’t know?”

His voice dripped malice, and in a sudden, swift motion you reached for your holster -- but before your fingers could even touch the weapon, Red was slamming into you from behind, grabbing your arm and twisting it painfully behind your back. You muffled a yelp by biting your tongue and held still as he shook you a little, just to make sure you felt the twist of your shoulders as he pinned your arms. 

“You see,” Mickey continued, stepping closer. Your eyes flickered frantically around the saloon, but besides Bernie watching with a greedy, pleased expression, the rest of the customers -- of which there were only a few -- didn’t spare you a glance. Your heart sank as you realized that they were going to let him do whatever he wanted to you. 

For the first time, there would be people to hear your screams and it wouldn’t even matter. Your head began to buzz, and you were barely able to hear Mickey’s words as he continued. 

“When you pulled your little stunt back in Carlisle,” he grabbed your throat and, despite your efforts, you gasped. “You gave Potter and his officers a big fat chance to catch up with us. The Twins got nabbed, you see… tossed in a jail to rot,” he gave your throat a squeeze and you watched in horror as a knife appeared in his hand. 

“But that’s not the point, now is it?” He asked. "The Twins, they're expendable. A useless lot. We all knew that, didn't we?" He raised his eyebrows as he looked over your shoulder to Red and then back to Bernie. She grinned wickedly at you, and you felt Red’s hips press against yours. 

Suddenly, Mickey grabbed your face, jerking it up to meet his as he leaned into your ear. 

“What did I tell you about running, Kitty Cat?” he whispered, low on his breath. The smell of stale tobacco and whiskey filled your nose -- so familiar you felt sick. 

As he tilted his knife into your cheek, you kicked your heel back into Red’s groin. The man gave a howl, hunching forward, and you used the opportunity to throw the back of your head directly into his nose. It broke with a sickening crunch, and he stumbled aside. 

Whipping around, you scrambled for the exit, but Mickey grabbed your arm and pulled you backward, throwing you into the bar. Your back hit the edge of the tabletop with a thud, pulling a pained grunt from your lungs, but none of that mattered; the things they'd do to you would hurt a lot worse. 

Mickey’s hand was at your throat again, slamming your shoulders back and pinning you to the table. The impact knocked the air out of your lungs and your hat from your head. Reaching behind you, your fingers closed around the brim and you swung it forward, shoving it into his face and blinding him for a precious moment. He growled and slashed out wildly with his knife. It caught you on the shoulder, slicing deep into your collarbone. Crying out, you grit your teeth against the sting of the blade and tried to push him off of you, but he was bigger; stronger. He had always been. 

Suddenly your arm was forced down onto the counter. Bernie was there, fingers digging into your skin as she held you still. 

“Mickey don’t,” you cried, wincing as his fist crashed down onto the counter next to you, hard enough that you weren’t sure how he hadn’t broken bones. 

“What did I tell you about beggin’? Huh?” he barked, sliding the knife up to your throat, pressing hard enough that blood began to pool along the blade. You tried to kick out at him, but he smashed his hips against your legs, holding you still. 

“It seems there’s a lot you’ve forgotten, little sister,” he muttered between heaving breaths. “Suppose I’ll just have to remind you then, won’t--”

His threats were cut off as Mickey was suddenly jerked backwards by the scruff of his collar. You saw Bernie’s eyes flash wide a moment before her face twisted into a scowl, a low growl tearing up her throat as she reached forward and grabbed you by the neck, slamming your head into the table. Your head crashed once, twice, and a third time before you were able to finally free your gun from its holster. 

Lifting it, you leveled your aim and fired. Bernie fell back with a hoarse yell as her hand flew to clutch at the bloom of blood spreading across her shoulder in a pattern that almost matched your own. 

You kicked out hard, sending her backwards and crashing into the nearest table before spinning around and frantically searching for the boys. You found Mickey quickly. He was dragging himself up off the floor, fists raised in a fighting stance to face… 

The man’s back was turned to you, but you’d recognize the poncho anywhere. A portion of his dark hair was tied back with a strip of leather, strands pulling loose in the fray and laying against his temple. A dozen thoughts flashed through your mind. Was he following you? What were the chances that he wasn’t -- that he just so happened to be here at the same time? Why was he helping you when no one else would?

But these questions would go unanswered as you watched him land another punch, catching Mickey on the side of the head and sending him crashing back to his knees. Mickey pulled a revolver from his waistband, one that was the twin to your very own weapon, and pointed it at the man. He fired it just as the stranger’s left hand shot out from beneath his poncho. You heard the sound of bullets sparking against something and then the stranger was throwing his foot into Mickey’s chest, sending him careening to the floor once more. 

A surprised shout was ripped from your lungs as fingers grabbed the back of your collar. They flung you around to face Red, who you’d lost in the fight. Big mistake. 

He kneed you in the gut -- payback for earlier, you supposed -- and you fell to your knees with a painful thud, doubling over as you tried not to choke on your own breath. His fingers, long and bony, grabbed you by the chin, forcing your head up to meet his eyes. They were just as cold and serpentine as you remembered them. 

“Oh, we’re gonna make you pay for it this time, bitch,” he hissed, squeezing your neck until you were gasping for a breath that would never come. You grabbed his wrist with both hands, trying to pull it away, but to no avail. 

It was just as your eyelids began to flutter that Red suddenly dropped like a sack of rocks, struck on the head by the butt of the stranger’s pistol. 

“Come on,” he said, reaching a hand down to you. You took it without hesitation, knowing that if you didn’t leave now, they were going to kill you. Or worse. Probably worse. 

The stranger hauled you to your feet -- perhaps with a little too much strength, as he had to catch you by the shoulders to prevent you from face-planting into him. You flinched -- how could you not? -- but if he noticed, he didn’t say anything, just ushered you towards the door. Walking backwards, keeping his gun trained on the room, he waited until you’d stumbled down the stairs before whipping around. 

“They won’t be long,” he warned, and you didn’t need to be told twice. Grabbing Horse’s reins, you swung them over his head and pulled yourself onto his back in the same easy motion, thanking whatever gods may be that your legs hadn’t given out yet. 

Blood dripped down your chest from the wound in your shoulder, but you barely noticed it as you spurred Horse forward. He leaped into a canter, stride quickly lengthening as he raced out into the road. Throwing a look over your shoulder, you squinted past the dust kicked up in your wake and watched as the first of them appeared on the porch of the saloon. Mickey -- and he was looking right at you, yelling something you were thankful you couldn’t hear. You felt your limbs begin to shake but willed the adrenaline to stay with you a little longer. 

Whipping back around, reaching up to shove your hat more securely onto your head, you caught sight of a flash of white off to your left. The stranger, poncho furling out behind him, shot you a look. He brought his horse up next to yours and shouted, “Follow me,” before giving his mount a firm kick. 

You weren’t thinking, you were driven only by fear as you slammed your heels into Horse, urging him to go faster. He lengthened his stride, neck stretching out as he raced after the streak of white mane and green fabric. 

You hadn't been expecting them to find you so soon. How had they found you so soon?

Your chest tightened with panic, and you flicked a rein against Horse’s haunches. In a matter of seconds, you caught up with the stranger. When he noticed you in his peripheral, he pointed forward, then left; you were going to be making a sharp turn, it seemed. You nodded and he replied with a curt one of his own. Chancing another glance over your shoulder, you held your hat on as three horses swam into view through the haze of the sand and desert heat. You definitely couldn’t breathe now. 

They were gaining on you steadily. You just hoped that they didn’t start shooting. 

The stranger threw up a hand, signaling the preparation for the turn, and you braced yourself in the saddle, jamming your heels down and maintaining your balance. 

Even though he’d prepared you, somehow you were still caught off guard when he pulled up on his horse, wheeling it in a tight spin before taking off again with a leap. You weren’t sure Horse could do that -- but he sure as hell tried. Tugging your reins back, you squeezed with your legs and pushed him in the direction of the white horse. He reared up, hind end sliding under him, and for a horrible moment you thought he might fall on top of you, but after a breath, he launched himself forward, got his front legs under him, and galloped to catch up to the stranger. 

That was when you noticed why he’d led you in such a turn. Up ahead was a forest along the edge of a wide ravine. You followed the flash of white as the two horses burst into the tree line, throwing an arm in front of your face as you dodged branches. You’d hardly made it a few meters in before he pulled up, slowing his horse to an abrupt trot. Horse was quick to do the same without you even having to ask him. Your hands had begun to shake. 

“Come on,” the man said again, as if you hadn’t been following him already, and turned his horse towards the cavern. 

Trotting a little ways along the edge, he pulled up short and spun his horse around, then began to descend a steep, rocky slope. You felt your stomach lurch with a new anxiety now, and you anchored your legs and sat deep in the saddle as Horse picked his way downward. 

The stranger's horse slid the last few feet, then picked up a brisk trot as it finally reached the ground of the cavern. The man tugged on the reins, letting his mount sidestep for a moment and allowing you to catch up before urging it forward. You followed behind, and he led you down the path until he spotted a cave and reined his horse in. With a nod and a grunt, he swung his leg behind him and dismounted. 

Leaning onto Horse’s neck, you did the same. The moment your feet hit solid ground, your knees buckled and you fell. Your hands hit the stone and you yelped as pain shot through your collarbone. Horse sidestepped, jerking his head up as he snorted.  

“Woah, woah,” the stranger’s voice floated into your ears. He had grabbed Horse by the bridle and was steering him away from your crumpled form. “No use trampling her after all that, buddy.” He gave Horse a gentle, surprisingly fond pat on the neck.

You took a deep breath and shakily pulled yourself to your feet. 

“How ya doin’ over there?” 

It took you a minute to realize the man was talking to you. 

“I--” you cleared your throat. It was clogged with dust and fear. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie. You knew it, and you knew the man knew it, too. 

“Uh-huh,” he replied, a wrinkle interrupting the skin between his brow as he studied you. 

His eyes were blue, you realized. You hadn’t been able to see it before, in the darkness, but they were a cerulean blue. 

“Let’s get these horses hidden,” he muttered, and it was almost a command. 

Almost, but not quite.