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chr0n1c-ag0ny · 7 months

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Kunidazai reunion sparking them finally, actually, truly getting together (cause they're idiots who have essentially been and old married couple for years and were the last to notice)? I think yes.

kunikida offering his apartment to Dazai, as his partners was in no shape to be lived in, after all the time that had passed with no upkeep and the time it spent in police custody, being milled through for any potential evidence. there was no way he could let him go back to it, not now, not tonight. Kunikida needs him close tonight.

Dazai takes him up on his offer. he doesn't want to be alone. he won't admit it, but he can't be alone, he doesn't know what it would do to him, what he would do to himself if he was left unattended. so he gratefully, while making jabs and cracking jokes at his partner, follows him home.

their night proceeds as normal, as it had for years of Dazai crashing with him. Kunikida cooks while Dazai sits up on his counter, rambling on and on about anything he can think of. Kunikida never realized how much he missed Dazai's voice until the relief of not cooking in silence hit him.

when they eat Dazai drags his partner to sit on the couch, even though Kunikida hates eating on the couch, knowing he would make an exception for him, just for tonight. they sit too close to just be friends, coworkers, partners even. their arms touch, their knees lean into one another.

when Dazai's finished with his dinner he lays a head in Kunikida's lap, turning on the TV, flipping through all of his partners recorded media until he finds the show they had been watch together, every episode that aired since he was arrested is recorded and unwatched. with blurry eyes he hits play. Kunikida's hand is in his hair and it doesn't leave.

they don't talk, they don't have to, they've talked enough. for now they just want to sit and feel each other's touch and hear each other's breathing. it's all they need.

its nearly 3 in the morning when Dazai finally starts to doze, he'd curled up into a ball, halfway in Kunikida's lap at that point, holding onto one of his partner's hands. Kunikida knows he should get them both to bed, he should offer Dazai the room and take the couch, that he should have the man some space after all he'd been through. but he aches at the thought of leaving his side, at being separated again.

but he doesn't even have to say anything, should have known he never had to, Dazai's always been sharp as a tack, his intuition, almost terrifyingly, even sharper.

His partner turned lazily in his arms, looking up at him with tired but knowing eyes. let's go to bed, they say. you don't have to go, you can stay, they assure. please don't go, they beg.

Kunikida breathes a long, heavy, sigh of relief.

"ok," he answers, before finally getting up after hours laid up on the couch, watching as Dazai continues to doze.

his heart aches with feverish heat. he'd missed him so much he had begun to go mad, had gone mad really, and now his partner was back, he was back and alive and mostly well, and now he was so relieved it ached in its own right.

he went about making up his bed for two, for Dazai, knowing he needed enough pillows and blankets for half a dozen people, but kept stopping to look over the back of the couch to make sure he was still there, still with him, that he hadn't been taken away again. by the time he's done he's probably crossed his apartment two to three dozen times, from his room to the couch again and again, before he's finally decided the room was good enough, there were enough blankets for Dazai to cover himself with and pillows to hide in.

when he goes to Dazai this time around, he kneels in front of him, carding a hand through his hair, tracing a thumb over his brow, to his nose, and then his cheek. his partner's eyes flutter open, a smile graces his lips.

"come on," he whispers, worried too loud a voice would shatter the delicate air of safety and comfort around them, "time for bed."

Dazai hums, getting up with a stretch and a yawn, much like a cat, before gingerly hopping off the couch and into Kunikida's arms, a false smile and air of cheekiness to him, hiding the ache Kunikida knew all too well resided in his partner's heart as much as it did his own, if not more. he holds him for a moment, savoring the feeling of him in his arms, before taking his hand and leading him to their room.

Dazai knows the drill. he goes to the other man's dresser and picks out a pair of his own sweatpants, ones he kept here for nights like these, and as per usual, one of Kunikida's shirts, gliding across the room, out into the hall, and into the bathroom.

Kunikida crawls into bed, feeling like he's been hit by a bus by the days events, and ends up half asleep by the time he feels Dazai crawling into bed next to him.

he expects to see bandages peeking from the borrowed nightshirt, to watch Dazai shield himself from the world, from his partner's touch, with a swarm of blankets, for Dazai to lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for him to fall asleep first.

but tonight's different, so different.

Dazai's skin is bare where the shirt doesn't cover, his scars on display, each and every one of them, the burns, the cuts, the bullet wounds, the ones Kunikida has never one been able to decipher the story of. they're all bared to him, with no visible hesitation on Dazai's end.

when his partner climbs into bed he neglects the pile of blankets laid out for him, the pillows too. instead he lifts the comforter that's draped over the entirety of the bed, Kunikida included, sliding beneath it like it's natural to him, like he'd done it every night for months, years even.

he looks at Kunikida for a moment, silently asking for permission, which Kunikida cannot give fast enough, and then Dazai's in his arms, his own wrapped around his neck, nothing between them but the clothes on their backs.

Dazai pulls away, just a bit, Kunikida almost cries out, almost pulls him back in, but knows better. he lets dazai go, but he never leaves. he's moved just far back enough so they could both look each other in the face.

"I missed you," he spoke softly, his hands shifting to hold the blonde's face.

"I missed you too,"

there's a moment of silence.

"I love you." the words are hesitant, skittish even, like he's unsure of how Kunikida would take it.

"I love you too," he replies without a second thought. he loves his partner, he loves him, more than he knows what to do with, so much it drives him mad and makes him ache.

Dazai nods. he's thinking, Kunikida can see it on his face, his mind is going a million miles a second. worry flashes on Dazai's face, and Kunikida panics, goes to pull away, goes to give Dazai space, even if his own skin burns at the thought of parting with Dazai's.

but Dazai doesn't let him, he clings to him, "Don't go, please don't go, please," he begs.

his voice is desperate, so Kunikida doesn't. he watches his partners face twist and turn, watches as fear spreads across his brow and tears gather in his eyes, and he doesn't know what to do because this has never happened.

but than Dazai leans in, slowly, tugging Kunikida closer so they can meet in the middle. Kunikida feels his partners lips on his. he kisses him back. he can't decide if that was a foolish decision or not. It's soft, softer than either of them knew they were capable of, it's gentle and earnest and good.

Dazai stops after a moment, lingers in Kunikida's space before looking him in the eye once more, he doesn't speak, they don't need to. Dazai looks at him, tears running down his face, but he's smiling, he's ok. his thumbs wipe away tears Kunikida hadn't realized he'd shed. they're ok.

"I love you," Dazai mutter's again, speaking again before the other man can answer "Kunikida?"

"yes, Dazai?"

"don't go."

"I won't."

"promise?"

"I promise." its a foolish thing to say, but Dazai needs to hear it, hell, he needs to hear it, "I'm not going anywhere, so long as you promise me the same."

he hesitates, his eyes avoid Kunikida's for a moment, before returning from their shared gaze, "I'll try, I promise, I'll really try this time"

Kunikida nods, slowly moving to kiss Dazai's forehead, the brunette leans into it.

"I know you will," he whispers into Dazai's skin, "and I'll always be here when it's too hard to manage on your own."

there's silence again, but it doesn't feel wrong or heavy, its soft and warm and it feels right.

"I love you," Kunikida finally returns.

there's more silence, Dazai just looks at him, just watches, fingers playing with Kunikida's hair and drifting over his face until something clicks into place in the other man's mind, something nobody but Dazai could ever understand.

he leans in once more to kiss his cheek before he settles against Kunikida's chest, letting out a pleased huff as he curls himself into a ball, "goodnight," he muttered, almost instantly going still with sleep.

"goodnight," Kunikida replied, knowing Dazai wasn't going to hear him, pressing his own goodnight kiss to the top of Dazai's head before burying his face in the other man's hair (Dazai doesn't smell like his shampoo anymore. it makes something in him cringe. he tries and fails to ignore it).

it takes Kunikida a while to fall asleep, he's too busy running the night over and over and over again in his mind. he holds Dazai close and lets his fingers trace over scars, feeling over his too-thin frame, feeling each bone beneath his skin. there's so many thoughts rushing through his mind, to many fears, worries, anxieties, what ifs. what if I hurt him? what if I break him? what if I ruin this?

his thoughts are only stopped when Dazai gently nudges his head into his jaw, hands pulling Kunikida's off of him, holding them gently in his own (he should have known sleep wouldn't come that easy to Dazai).

he takes a deep breath, steadying himself and his mind, his partner's hands squeeze his gently, good, they seem to say, and sleep finally starts to pull at him once more.

he lets it happen, let's his eyes close and his mind go blank, knowing Dazai is safe, he's safe in his arms, he won't be taken away again. he sleeps knowing Dazai loves him, that he kissed him, that tomorrow they'll wake up like this, and maybe, just fucking maybe they can finally have this one happy ending.

#I love when two emotionally constipated men find ways to be indirectly vulnerable and soft with one another. it matters so much to me.#they don't know how to talk about it or what they mean to one another or what they need from the other but they make it work #but after so long of dancing around each other only to be ripped apart for so long something just gives way and for once its in their favor #I hc that Dazai can be quite graceful in a ghostly and/or feline sort of way when he wants to be. he hops to his toes instead of standing-#glides instead of walking. stares into your soul with these big old eyes instead of just look. so thats just sprinkled in here.#on another note. these men are idiots. I said getting together but for christ sake they've been together for years they just never noticed.#I cringed at their stupidity multiple times while writing this.#dazai is scared of loving kunikida. he's scared his love will damn the man he loves. he's scared he'll leave too #but he can only run from his feelings so long #kunikida is scared to love dazai. he's scared he will find a way to break him. that he won't be careful enough. that he'll screw it all up.#they're so fucking messy and I love them your honor #I have so much to say about them #kunikida bsd #kunikida doppo #bsd kunikida #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai bsd #kunikidazai #kunidazai #if you see typo's no you don't

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ravendruid · 3 months

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Be In My Eyes - Chapter 27

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Trigger Warnings: Canon typical violence, mentions of abusive relationships, domestic violence toward children, theft, and murder. Rating change: This fanfic will be rated Mature from this point forward. Summary: After Keyleth is taken by Kashaw, Vax starts spiraling. He gets into action to protect Keyleth, and later they exchange heartbreaking stories.

Keyleth was gone. She ran away. Vax had been so sure it would work after she practically poured her heart out with her song. Maybe answering her call had been a mistake. Maybe he had misinterpreted it? No. It couldn’t be. Keyleth had smiled at him when he sang those damn words to her. He saw the fire and wanting in her eyes. Vax couldn’t have been wrong. Keyleth wouldn’t have sung that song if she wasn’t testing him or setting a bait for him to answer, and like a damn sailor lost at sea, Vax had followed her voice and gave himself to her (and in front of everyone, too). And she ran away. Why?

Someone stepped in front of Vax, but his blurred vision did not allow him to see more than yellow, gray and dark colors. “Vax, are you okay?” One of the figures said. Vax recognized that voice. “Vax?” A different voice called him. They were both females, soft, concerned voices, but neither was the voice Vax needed to hear the most at that moment. “Come on,” The first voice said, and Vax felt someone pull him. He didn’t see where they were taking him because his eyes were still glazed with fear that he had done something wrong (again), that he had ruined everything (again), that he had pushed away the person he loved the most (again, again, again).

You’re useless. You’ll never amount to anything. Who would want the son of a seamstress who allowed herself to get knocked up? Stupid. You are stupid and useless, like your mother was, Vax’ildan.

“No,” Vax’s voice was hoarse.

“What?” Vex’ahlia. That’s who it was, the first female voice, the blur of yellow and gray. “Vax, what happened?” Her hands were on his cheeks, warm and calloused from years of labor and archery. His sister. Vax had failed her, too. He had failed her like he failed their mother. He had ruined everything for her, too. “For fucks sake, Vax’ildan,” She was angry at him, as she should be. Did Vex’ahlia know what he had done for her? Did Vex know about the blood that soaked his hands? She couldn’t know. She would never know what Vax had done to save her from that monster.

Vex’ahlia let go of her brother’s face. The warmth of her touch evaporated like a droplet of water falling on hot coals, and then came the sting and a different kind of heat. “What the fuck,” Vax heard someone say behind them. Another hit, another sting. “Vex!” Another voice.

“Snap out of it, brother,” Vex’ahlia yelled above the music. Vax tried to follow the sound of her voice. The sting was vanishing as fast as her warmth had, pulling him with it. They had gone through the motions of this ritual too many times in their lives to count. Day after day, night after night, when Vax’s demons flared and took over his soul. He hated them. He hated their strong grip, dripping black ichor over his heart, coating it with pain and darkness and death. So much death.

Vax’ildan saw his sister’s face when he closed his eyes, then his mother, Elaina, the baby he left behind in the hands of that monster, and lastly Keyleth with a blinding halo of radiant light around her. She had run away. He had come for her, and she had run. Why? He demanded to know. As if the gods had heard him, his sisters’ faces in the darkness vanished, and then his mother, leaving only Keyleth’s visage. Vax reached forward, trying to hold on to her, but she ran away—even in his mind, she ran away—leaving only that blinding light that twisted and turned until it became a golden thread that wrapped around his wrist. Vax raised his hand to examine it and pulled at the string that floated in the ether. It didn’t budge. It was tied around his skin, even though there were no knots. Vax felt another tug—not his—and when he turned his face in its direction, he recognized the woman with long dark hair and a face as pale as the moon that held the other end of the golden thread. She beckoned him silently, crooking a finger, tugging on that golden thread that floated from his wrist. Vax’ildan followed.

“She’s in danger,” A pure crystalline voice said, coming from both the woman and the darkness surrounding them.

“I can’t save her. I couldn’t save them, and I can’t save her.”

A cold hand caressed Vax’s face, “You did your best. You saved them as best as you could, and you will save her.”

“I can’t. Please, you have to understand. I can’t save her.” Vax begged. He would have gotten on his knees if he could.

“Vax’ildan,” The woman’s eyes burned with a raging fire. A slap, a new sting. “Go, now!” She tugged on the string again and Vax felt himself fall, and fall, and fall, and just when he thought he would be falling forever, a fourth slap hit him with the strength of a mighty giant.

Vax opened his eyes. He felt a warm liquid in his mouth that tasted like copper. Grog stared at him worried, hand lifted for another slap if needed. On his left, Vex’ahlia sighed and Vax let his eyes follow as she allowed herself to fall into a seating position on the table. On Grog’s right, Pike groaned in relief. Other faces were surrounding them, all concerned, but no one spoke until a white-haired man stood by Vax’s sister, squeezing her shoulder in reassurance, and said, “I don’t know what the fuck that was or what happened, but Keyleth is gone and we can’t find her, so get your shit together, Vax’ildan.”

“What do you mean?” Vax asked hoarsely. His hands came up to rub at his sore cheeks—the last slap was still stinging—as he looked from face to face. All his friends were wearing their coats, gloves and scarves.

“We looked everywhere,” Scanlan said, next to Pike. “Keyleth is not in the bar anymore, not even in the bathroom.”

Vax’s heart skipped a beat. What had happened to make her run away? What happened after? The same dread from earlier wrapped around his chest, tightening with each second, each word his friends spoke. When Vax thought it couldn’t get worse, Vex’ahlia raised her head from her hands with a panic in her eyes that Vax hadn’t seen since Saundor. “Kash is—” Vax didn’t let his sister finish the sentence before he was on his feet with his leather jacket in his hands.

Vax flew out of the alcove. He ran down the stairs as fast as his legs allowed him, jumping steps and pushing people aside. The jacket was on before he reached the landing, Keyleth’s scent still lingering on the interior of the fake leather jacket. Vax whipped his head to the counter, where he saw Gilmore surrounded by patrons—alone. He didn’t wait for his friends to follow. He didn’t care if they did or not. The woman’s warning rang in his ears, and the image of his knife where he left it on his nightstand flashed in his mind. He was an idiot to have left it behind. The only time he did…he was useless and powerless, just like all those years ago, just like that night.

—

It was raining again. It was the third night in a row that Vax’ildan, Vex’ahlia and their puppy, Trinket, had to sleep huddled together behind a trash can. Vax had made sure to open and adjust the lid to provide them with some shelter from the rain, but even that wasn’t enough to stop them from getting drenched and cold. Vex’ahlia was sound asleep by Vax’s side, holding the puppy to her chest inside her damp shirt in a lousy attempt to keep them both warm. Her breathing was shallow enough that Vax knew she wouldn’t wake up anytime soon. At least one of them was getting some rest.

The pattering of the rain on the alleyway was so loud and annoying, and even though Vax had barely drunk any water that day, it still made him feel like he had to pee every hour. He had been holding for a while, but a burst of pain shot through his bladder, forcing Vax to go relieve himself, so he stepped away from Vex, carefully so he wouldn’t wake her up, and crossed to the walled end of the alley. He was even more drenched by the time he zipped up and buckled his belt, the only thing keeping his loose pants from falling to his ankles.

“One more step and she dies.”

Vax stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t heard them because of the loud rain. He hadn’t felt them lurking in the shadows, watching him and his twin, and now a hooded figure held his sister to his chest with a sharp knife against her neck.

“You don’t want to do that,” Vax threatened. He canvassed his surroundings from the corner of his eyes. Another figure stood at the open end of the alleyway holding a knife. He could probably defeat two of them with his bare hands if it wasn’t for the fact that a dark liquid started dripping on Vex’s neck. Shit.

“Oh yeah? And what are you going to do?” The male voice asked.

Nothing. Vax couldn’t do a single thing to stop them. He had nothing but his hands and he wouldn’t risk fighting hand-to-hand with his sister’s life in danger. So Vax did the only thing he could do. He lifted his hands so the assailants knew he was submitting and took a tentative step back.

“That’s what I thought. Where’s your money?”

“We don’t have any money,” Vax tried to lie. They didn’t buy it. More blood started dripping down Vex’s neck, mixing with the dampness on her shirt. The man asked again, threatening to slit her neck. “That bag over there,” Vax pointed with his chin to his backpack where he had left it by the trash can.

The second figure ran to it and opened it. They turned it upside down, sprawling all Vax’s clothes and belongings on the dirty, muddy ground, until a satchel fell, the clink of coins muffled by the rain, just like the two assailants’ steps had been. They grabbed it and moved back, just as silent as they had been.

“You’re in our city, so if you want to sleep on our streets, you have to pay up. Consider this a warning,” The first figure threatened, releasing Vex’ahlia with a shove that made her fall face-first on the floor. Trinket ran to her and licked her face, barking at the man who was stalking back, still facing them, the bloody knife dripping on the ground as he went. They were gone in the blink of an eye, just as quietly as they had appeared.

—

It didn't take Vax two steps out the door for him to realize that he had no idea which direction Keyleth could have gone—which direction Kashaw took her. Vax would never forgive himself if something happened to Keyleth, and he would surely not let Kash live to see another day if he touched a hair on Keyleth’s head. Vax looked to both sides of the empty, snow-blanketed road and held his breath trying to listen for any signs of life nearby. The only sound he heard was the creak of the door opening behind him and rushed steps coming out.

“Vax?” It was Percy, bundled in a thick jacket and scarf. It was so cold and Keyleth was only wearing his t-shirt. She had to be freezing.

“Percy, I—”

“It’s okay. Go left, I’ll go right. Call me if you find her. The others are staying at the bar in case she returns.”

Vax nodded and they each took a side. For a large city, and for being located so close to the university, the neighborhood was quiet and peaceful. Vax passed by several closed stores—from bookstores to boutiques, and even a butcher—and a handful of dimly-lit windows on the residential buildings above. There were no alleyways between the buildings, at least not until Vax reached the end of the block. He stopped, walking quietly, trying to listen as he approached the dark alley—and good thing he did.

A hushed male voice that Vax’ildan knew belonged to Kashaw was speaking incoherently. Vax couldn’t decipher what he was saying, but he heard sniffles and Keyleth’s shaky voice saying something incomprehensible. Vax ran, his blood boiling with rage. Please don’t let her be hurt. Please, Gods. Please don’t let him hurt her.

Vax’s heart stopped when he turned a corner. Kashaw braced himself with one hand on the brick wall behind Keyleth and the other hand was gripping her jaw on her neck as he kissed her. Kash was kissing Keyleth.

“Get the fuck away from her,” Vax growled. He grasped the neckline of Kash’s ridiculous gladiator outfit, pulled him away from Keyleth, and threw him against the wall on the opposite side of the alley. Vax was on him in a heartbeat, his closed fist meeting Kashaw’s jaw. The man was so stunned that Vax was able to land two punches before Kash pushed Vax away and tried to kick him, but unlucky for him, Vax was too fast and evaded him.

“You get the fuck away, I saw her first,” Kash spit blood on the ground between them. He lunged at Vax, managing to land a punch on his stomach, making him double over in pain and spit on the ground.

“Vax, no!” Keyleth cried. Vax couldn’t afford to look back at her. Any distraction could be his end. He lunged back at Kash, kicking him against the wall. The man’s head hit the brick with a crack and Kash cursed between his teeth. Vax took his rival’s moment of distraction to pin his wrists above his head and leaned in until their breaths mixed. Kash reeked of alcohol.

“She doesn’t want anything to do with you,” Vax spat.

“Then why did she go out with me? Do you really think she would ever love a guy like you? Do you think anyone would?”

Kas was torturing him. He knew Vax had feelings for Keyleth, and he was torturing him since he couldn’t land a physical blow. You’re better than this, Vax told himself, trying to douse the flame of rage.

Who would want the son of a seamstress? You are stupid and useless like your mother was.

Kashaw was right. Vax’s father was right. Vax was no one. He was nothing but vermin. No one could ever love him. He had been delusional if he thought someone like Keyleth would ever look at him. But Kashaw wasn’t much better than him, not after what he did to Keyleth.

“Let him go, Vax,” Keyleth asked. Vax still couldn’t turn his head. He couldn’t bear to look at Keyleth and see whatever damage Kash had done to her. “Please.”

Vax released his grip on Kashaw, but his face was still hovering above the other man’s as he spoke with a deadly voice, “I’m only letting you go because she asked me, but if you so much as look at her again, I will kill you.” Vax took two steps back. Kash must have seen the severity in Vax��s eyes, for his mismatched eyes were filled with fear. He nodded and left, not bothering to glance back at Keyleth.

Only when the sounds of Kash’s steps had subsided did Vax turn around. Keyleth was sitting on the ground, hyperventilating with her knees pulled to her chest. Vax ran and squatted in front of her, but before he could open his mouth, Keyleth looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She had dark streaks from the eyeliner running down her cheeks, and her lip was swollen and bleeding slightly from a small cut, but other than that, she looked untouched. Keyleth grasped Vax by the lapel of his jacket and pulled him. His knees rang with pain as they hit the hard ground on each side of Keyleth’s legs, but then his nose filled with the scent of her shampoo when she crossed her arms around his torso and cried on his chest.

“Okay?” Vax asked, kissing the top of her head and rubbing the hair on her back. Keyleth nodded. She forced her breaths to follow Vax’s heartbeat—Vax almost stopped breathing when he realized Keyleth was doing that—and eventually, Keyleth calmed down, although she was still shaking.

“Here,” Vax took off the jacket. Keyleth broke away just long enough for him to help her put it on and hugged him again. “Everyone’s worried sick about you, Kiki.”

“Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, love.”

Keyleth nuzzled further into his chest and released a wet chuckle. Things had been different for a while with Keyleth, but his father and Kashaw were still right. No one would ever love someone like Vax. Whatever was going on between him and Keyleth, it was bound to end, but Vax still tried to enjoy every moment he had until Keyleth saw the truth about him and left like everyone else did.

“I want to go home,” Keyleth asked after a while. Vax nodded. He helped her up, fixed her hair by tucking a few evading strands behind her ear, and held out his hand in invitation. Keyleth took it without a second thought, and they left the alleyway.

“Shit, I should call Percy,” Vax let go of Keyleth’s hand just long enough to dial his roommate’s number and then immediately grabbed it again. He saw the slight curl of her lips as he laced his fingers with hers, ignoring the pain shooting from his split knuckles. Keyleth’s hand was still cold. In fact, she looked like she was still freezing without a scarf and gloves, so Vax slid both their hands inside the pocket of his jacket and nodded at her to do the same with the other hand. It was a bit awkward, but it worked.

“Did you find her?” Percy asked as a way of greeting when he answered the call.

“Yeah, I got her.”

“Is she alright? Please tell me that fucker didn’t hurt her.”

“She’s okay, a bit shaken up. We’re on our way back.”

“I’m outside. I’ll wait.” Percy said.

Vax looked ahead, and just as he had mentioned, Percy was outside the bar, one hand deep inside his jacket and the other holding his phone. He hung up as soon as he saw them and ran towards Keyleth, grabbing her by the shoulders. Percy winced at the sight of her split lip and pulled Keyleth into a hug. Vax stood back to watch, having let go of Keyleth’s hand.

“Are you okay?” Percy asked her.

“Yeah.”

“That fucker. I’m going to kill him.”

“Men,” Keyleth shook her head disapprovingly. “Vax already took care of that.”

Percy looked over to Vax, who shrugged and replied, “I’m pretty sure I broke his nose. Let’s just say he’ll be running with his tail between his legs next time he sees Keyleth.”

Percy nodded, “Thanks.”

“You two are insufferable,” Keyleth complained, rolling her eyes, but Vax still saw the smile.

“What did he do to you?” Percy asked, carefully moving her jaw so he could see her lip better in the light.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Percy. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Now I just want to go home and get warm.”

“Alright, tomorrow then. Do you want me to walk you home?”

“I got it,” Vax approached, placing a hand between Keyleth’s shoulder blades.

“A word in private, please?” Percy asked his roommate. Vax nodded and they stepped away enough for Keyleth to still be in sight but not be able to hear them.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you two, but I’m trusting you with her life. Make sure she gets home safe, or you’ll be the one with a broken nose, got it?”

For the first time since they met, Percy gave Vax a look that made him want to run for the hills, screaming like a little girl. With a name like his, Vax knew his roommate had to have money and status, which meant he could also probably find someone to kill him if he stepped out of line. However, Vax couldn’t afford to let his friend know he had gotten to him, so he schooled his expression into a bored look and replied, “I would let myself get killed before anyone laid a finger on her.”

Percy’s eyes softened, seemingly happy with Vax’s answer. He moved to turn back to Keyleth, but Vax grabbed his arm. “Oh, and Freddie, I’m trusting you with my sister’s life. You better bring her home in one piece otherwise you’ll get a fate much worse than Kashaw’s. You know what I keep under my pillow, right?”

“Yeah, I know. She’s safe with me.”

“Good. I’d hate to get a new roommate in the middle of the school year.”

“Are you boys done with your pissing contest?” Keyleth asked when they returned.

“You’ve been spending too much time with my sister, Kiki.” Vax teased, grabbing Keyleth’s hand. He wasn’t sure if Percy had seen the gesture because the man was already pulling Keyleth into a hug and kissing her forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Go take care of that and get some sleep.” Keyleth nodded in response and started leaving, dragging Vax behind.

“Make sure you let everyone know Keyleth is safe,” Vax said above his shoulder. “And tell Shaun I’ll call him tomorrow to let him know what happened.”

—

Vax didn’t let go of Keyleth’s hand for a second. They walked in silence for the most part, only stopping to comment on the few decorations that were starting to pop up on storefronts. Keyleth had noticed the redness from the cuts on Vax’s knuckles from punching Kashaw so hard. She had never been more scared—not for her, but for Vax. Kashaw was drunk and he looked violent enough to hurt Vax really bad. She knew Vax had some knowledge of fighting, but seeing him in action… Vax had been so fast she hadn’t even been able to keep up with his movements and so strong that Keyleth had no doubt Kash would be bleeding from hitting his head on the wall, but, at the same time, it looked like Vax had been pulling back punches, like he could do more—worse.

“Thank you for tonight,” Keyleth said when the first lights of campus appeared around a corner. It was becoming a habit to have Vax come to rescue her. Maybe he was indeed her knight.

“As if…” Vax shrugged dismissively. Keyleth looked at him. “Did you really think I was going to let anything bad happen to you?” Keyleth smiled and bumped against him, chuckling.

Keyleth and Vax were greeted with a wave of warmth once they opened the apartment door, and then a woof and a warm, wet nose poked their hands.

“Hey buddy,” Vax greeted the dog. “I see they finally turned on the heat.”

“It was about time,” Keyleth groaned, taking off Vax’s jacket and hanging it by the door. They removed their shoes and ignored the messy bundle of blankets on the couch. What Vex didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and Trinket was usually pretty good about obeying the no-couch rules. One time wasn’t all the time.

“I’m going to change into something more comfortable. I’ll give you your shirt back after washing it, I promise.”

“You can keep it,” Vax said. He was still untying his boots by the door, so he didn’t see the shock on Keyleth’s face.

“It’s your favorite,” She argued. Vax shrugged. “No. I’m not taking it, Vax. I’ll give it back after I wash it.”

“Fine,” He said, shrugging again. “I’m going to change and grab the first aid kit. I’ll meet you in your room to take care of that lip.”

“I’m fi—” Keyleth was about to say, but one look at Vax and she backed away (not scared—never scared of him—but with respect). “Fine, but you have to let me take care of your hand,” She challenged him back.

Vax looked down at his fist and shrugged. “As long as you let me take care of you, I’ll let you take care of me, Kiki,” he said, stopping to kiss Keyleth’s cheek as he walked towards his bedroom.

Keyleth had just finished putting on a t-shirt when Vax knocked on the door. Now that the maintenance had finally turned on the heat, and with Keyleth’s comforter and fuzzy blanket, she didn’t need to bring out her warmest pajama sets. Although she loved them, Keyleth hated sleeping in lots of clothes because sometimes they made her feel trapped and wake up with shortness of breath.

“That looks cute,” Vax smiled at the embroidered rainbow across her chest. Keyleth blushed. “Do you embroider all your clothes?”

“Not all. Most of them. All my clothes are hand-me-downs or thrifted, and I like to alter them to give them more… personality, I guess,” Keyleth explained. They sat on her bed and Vax immediately got to work on bringing out the supplies and cleaning her lip. The swelling had gone down and the cut was barely noticeable, but she still allowed him to take care of it, if anything, to help him feel better.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Vax asked, dabbing her lip with cotton. Keyleth winced at the sting and Vax blew at it with a soft, “sorry.”

“He didn’t do anything… you know…” Vax paused to look at her. “I promise I would have told you.” He nodded and went back to his work. Keyleth waited until he was done to say, “I bumped against him at the bottom of the stairs. He said something about wanting to talk and brought me outside. I was so disoriented I couldn’t answer.”

Vax got up to wash his hands and throw away the used supplies. Keyleth waited until he returned and started cleaning up his knuckles. “I started panicking because none of you knew where I had gone. He was so drunk I don’t think he realized I wasn’t okay. Or maybe he thought I was drunk, too. But he brought me to that alley because he wanted somewhere quiet.”

Vax instinctively closed his hand in a fist. Keyleth saw anger burning in his eyes and slapped his wrist to help him focus. “Sorry,” Vax said, opening his hand. He let it rest on her lap while Keyleth grabbed more supplies.

“He asked why I hadn’t called him to go out again and if it was true that I was on a date tonight, but he didn’t let me answer. Then he started saying I looked really hot and asked if I wanted to go to his place and shit like that, and when I said no, he said fine. I thought he was going to leave, but then he leaned in and kissed me. Next thing I know, he bit my lip when you pulled him off of me,” Keyleth gave Vax a shy smile.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. It’s no big deal. It was just a kiss,”

“It wasn’t just a kiss, Kiki. He shouldn’t have taken it without your permission.” Vax’s other hand came up to cradle her face. Keyleth leaned into his warm touch. He was always so gentle with her.

“How’s your stomach?” Keyleth asked. Vax let go of her face to poke at where a bruise was already probably forming and shrugged.

“I’ll be fine in a few days. What are you looking for?”

“Bandaids.”

“We don’t have any. Grog used them all the last time he tried to cook. He cut himself five times until Pike took the knife away from him.”

Keyleth snorted and got up. “I think I still have some, but they have flowers,” She said, opening her closet. She dug out a box of bandaids from inside a travel bag and showed it to Vax.

“I don’t need them. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Is it because of the flowers?” Keyleth asked, pouting as she returned the box inside the bag and back into the closet.

“Of course not. You know I’d wear them even if they were shock pink or bright yellow with polka-dots.”

“Fine,” Keyleth stopped in front of Vax. She grabbed his hand, taking one last look. She had done everything she knew. It looked much better than before—at least it wasn’t bleeding anymore. Satisfied with her work, Keyleth cleaned up the trash and headed to the bathroom to wash her hands. She didn’t flinch at seeing Vax leaning against the door jam, his head cocked as he examined her.

“Can I brush your hair? It’s a mess,” Vax asked. It had been a while since someone offered to brush her wild hair, especially when it looked like she had fallen through a bramble of bushes.

“Sure,” Keyleth handed Vax the hairbrush. He grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. It was the same way Kash had grabbed her earlier, but it felt so different with Vax. His hands were more calloused, but it was such a softer and more gentle touch. Keyleth would let him guide her wherever he wanted, which, at the moment, wasn’t far. Vax sat on her bed and patted the blanket in front of him. He carefully removed the elastic that still tied part of Keyleth’s hair and expertly started parting her hair in sections.

“Can I ask you something?” Vax asked, brushing the ends of Keyleth’s hair.

“Anything, Vax.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I was wondering…” He hesitated. Keyleth looked above her shoulder, but he turned her head forward with a tut. “I was wondering if you could tell me about your family.”

Oh. That was a sore subject, not just for Keyleth, but also for Vax from what she gathered. “You’ve met my dad. He raised me by himself. He’s a great dad.”

Vax paused his brushing, “How old were you when—”

“I was five,” Keyleth replied before he could finish. More than anticipated the question, Keyleth had a feeling that was the real reason why Vax asked about her family. “My mom went on a business trip and didn’t come back. Boating accident. Her body was never found.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Vax leaned forward and rested his head on Keyleth’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I mean… it’s not… but you know what I mean, right?” She looked back at him. The look of understanding they exchanged was worth more than words. “I have a grandma on my mother’s side. She taught me how to embroider and crochet. She’s really nice. I’m sure she would love you. I know she would put so much food on your plate,” Keyleth giggled so violently that Vax had to pause the brushing again.

“I’d love to meet her. And your dad. I mean actually meet him.”

“You’re welcome in Zephrah anytime,” Keyleth offered. Vax nodded, but then he realized she couldn’t see him and replied, “I’d love to, but I don’t think I can afford it.”

Keyleth felt bad for him. She knew the twins were in a strict financial situation, although she didn’t know how bad it was. Vax often refused to go out with the group, not just because he didn’t like bars but also because most of the time, the twins couldn’t afford to pay for both to drink, so Vax stayed home to let his sister have fun. Keyleth also noticed the exchanged glances between the siblings whenever the group planned to go out for lunches or dinners, how their contribution to the communal food and household goods seemed to grow smaller and smaller every week (not that anyone had ever called them out on that). Keyleth had even heard the twins fight about something Vex’ahlia had bought out of their budget, and from what she gathered from the conversation, Vax was very adamant his sister returned it to the store, but she refused.

“Maybe one day?” Keyleth extended the offer. She wanted to tell him she would buy all the plane tickets he needed, but she knew her friend was too proud to accept.

“Maybe,” Vax replied, but she knew he had no hope.

Keyleth’s mind returned to the look of understanding they had shared moments before. The words he had spoken to her months ago when he found her curled over herself against the kitchen counters. She had opened up to him and told him about her mother, and while he didn’t owe her anything, Keyleth couldn’t stop herself from asking, “How old were you?”

Vax knew what she meant because the hairbrush stopped again, and he took a long breath. Keyleth waited patiently, looking at the massive, shaggy dog curled on her roommate’s bed—Vex’ahlia, who also had lost a mother.

When Vax spoke, there was no ounce of anger or frustration for being asked such a personal question. If anything, Keyleth heard some relief that they were finally brushing up on the subject, as if he had been waiting to share that piece of himself with her. “We were ten.”

“And your dad?”

Vax chuckled, “Long story. He’s an asshole and we’re as good as dead to him, as he is to us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I can tell you about it one day,” Vax finally set Keyleth’s hair brush aside and started braiding her hair.

“I don’t have anywhere to go tonight.” Keyleth tensed and waited. Vax finished the braid, tied it with the elastic, and dropped it over her shoulder.

“I’ll tell you if you make us some tea while I grab cookies.”

“Deal,” Keyleth replied, looking over her shoulder. Vax looked exhausted. She almost faltered for a moment, but then he raised and headed towards the door, and Keyleth decided to follow him.

Keyleth loved the quietness of the house where the only sounds were the boiling water in the kettle and Vax plating homemade cookies for them. They moved around each other in the kitchen so effortlessly that one would think they were a pair of professional dancers who could lead each other with their eyes closed in perfect synchrony. Trinket raised his head and sniffed the air when they returned to the bedroom with hot mugs of tea and a plateful of cookies, but Keyleth tutted at him, reminding the dog that he was not allowed sweets. She took the side of the bed closest to the wall and held the blanket open for Vax to join her, which he did without hesitation.

“Trinket, come,” Keyleth patted the blanket at the end of her bed. The dog looked up at the pair sitting with their backs against the headboard under the blankets and leaped from his bed to Keyleth’s. He spun three times and curled up at their feet with a sigh. “What a rough life you live,” Keyleth joked. With a plate of assorted homemade cookies on her lap—from where Vax bashfully grabbed a chocolate chip cookie—a steaming mug of honey lavender tea warming her hands, and Vax’s warmth pressed against her side under her blankets, it was the perfect cozy mood for long, deep talks.

“This feels nice,” Vax said, using his half-bitten cookie to point at the string lights around the top of the walls. That had been Keyleth’s doing.

“It’s cozy.”

Vax finished his cookie and looked at the plate on Keyleth’s lap, “I have to warn you, it’s not a pretty story, and you might change your mind about me towards the end.”

“I doubt it,” Keyleth slapped Vax’s hand as he went for a butter cookie. Instead, she handed him a coconut one. “But go on, tell me your deepest and darkest secrets, Vax’ildan,” She half-joked, looking at him.

“You asked,” Vax shrugged. He bit into the cookie and hummed. Keyleth nodded as if to say, see? “It all started when my mom was 18. She lived in a small town in the south called Byroden. My father was passing by on a business trip and stopped for the night, as travelers usually do. He and his buddies went out for a drink and my mother just happened to be the barmaid on service that night.”

“She was so young,” Keyleth interrupted. Vax nodded.

“She had just graduated high school. She grew up poor, so college was not in the plans. My father took a liking to her, it seems. They spent the night together and he left the next morning without so much as a goodbye. My mom only knew his name because she had heard the other men say it. A few months later, she found out she was pregnant. She found my father’s contact to tell him, and the bastard had the audacity to say…” Vax paused. He chewed on his lip for a moment, then finally said with growing rage, “The asshole had the audacity to say he had serious doubts it was true, that my mom was trying to bait him for money, and if she did had gotten herself knocked up—his words exactly—how was she so sure it was his and not some random guy she fucked.”

Hearing that, Keyleth dropped her cookie in her tea. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah,” Vax shrugged. His head was bowed low, avoiding eye contact. “The bastard told me that himself.”

“What a fucking asshole,” Keyleth grumbled, fishing the soggy cookie from her tea with a spoon. “What a fucking, bastard, shit-eating asshole.”

Vax chuckled. “Oh, Kiki,” He shook his head. “Just hold on tightly to that rage. I haven’t gotten anywhere near the worst yet.”

“You don’t have to keep going,” Keyleth bumped Vax’s shoulder with hers. She had known Vax long enough to recognize the signs of withdrawal, and the last thing she wanted was to regress once they had become so comfortable and vulnerable with each other. Keyleth watched Vax silently set the empty plate and mugs on her nightstand. She didn’t balk when he arched an arm behind her shoulders, and Keyleth definitely did not stop Vax from pulling her so close that her legs were practically curled on his thigh. Keyleth counted their synchronous breaths, looking at Vax’s hand on his lap, fumbling with the tassels of her blanket.

One. Vax twisted the green tassel between his index finger and thumb. Two. His hand stopped. Three. Vax turned his head to look at her in the eyes—the pain made Keyleth want to scream. Four. Vax’s arm moved to Keyleth’s lap, where she twisted and turned her hands on the tassels. Five. He grabbed hold of one of her hands and tugged it free. Six. Vax brought their joined hands to his lap and intertwined their fingers. Seven. Both their gazes were fixed on their hands, Vax’s thumb grazing softly against the palm of Keyleth’s hand. Eight. A pause. Nine. Vax opened his mouth.

Ten. “My mother died when we were ten and we were forced to live with him. We ran away when we were fifteen. He almost killed Vex’ahlia.”

Vax was crying. His tears slid down his eyes and onto Keyleth’s cheek. She didn’t speak, didn’t move, barely breathed.

“My mom got sick. The town doctor couldn’t do much, and we couldn’t afford to take her to a big city doctor or pay for treatment. She died within six months of finding out.” Keyleth’s face grew wetter the more Vax spoke about his mother. Vax’ildan paused to look at her, and his face contorted into more pain as he released her hand and cradled her cheek. “I’m sorry, Kiki. I can stop talking about it,” Vax apologized. Only then did Keyleth realize the wetness in her face was not just from Vax’s tears but her own as well.

“I’m okay,” She whispered, sniffling. Keyleth leaned into his touch. Vax was so warm and smelled like tea and cookies. “I’ll listen to as much as you want to share.”

A sigh and a kiss on the forehead had Keyleth melt further into Vax’s warmth. He continued sharing his story in a hushed voice as he leaned his brow against Keyleth.

“We were taken to Syngorn, to our father’s estate, by the authorities because my mom had no other family. Our grandparents had died and she had no siblings, so our father was all we had left, and he earned our full custody. We weren’t allowed to bring more than a backpack of clothes and a few belongings. We arrived in Syngorn the day after we buried our mother but my father refused to take us in. He denied knowing about our existence and informed the officer that he would only take us with a positive paternity test. For a week, Vex’ahlia and I were separated into two different foster families in the city until the results came and our father was forced to take us in. It was the first time Vex and I had been separated since we were born, and it was the hardest week of our lives until that time.

“It’s funny. I always laugh at people who tell me to go to hell because I’ve been there. My father made our lives a living hell. We found out that he was part of a big conservative family, rich as the eyes could see, and having children out of wedlock was highly frowned upon. His family refused to accept us. He refused to accept us. For the first few months, we didn’t see him. My sister and I were assigned a maid each to tend to our needs, and then we were forced to attend etiquette classes. The first time we saw our father since we moved in, he threatened to kick us out onto the street if we didn’t do what he told us. He forced us to attend those etiquette classes to make us more ‘civilized’,” Vax spat the word with disdain, “and we were forced to adopt Syngorn’s customs, including changing our accent and wearing Syngorn’s fashion.”

Vax took another pause. Keyleth gave his hand a quick squeeze in reassurance, just in case he thought she had fallen asleep. Her face was still scrunched against Vax’s shoulder, where a large wet stain formed from her tears. It took a moment for Keyleth’s brain to click with what Vax had said, but when she did, she raised her head, eyes glimmering with curiosity, and asked, “Wait. Did you have a different accent before?” Vax nodded. Keyleth’s face opened in a mischievous smile that was enough for Vax to anticipate what Keyleth was about to ask because he quickly stopped her from saying anything else. “No, I will not use it. I don’t even know if I remember it. It’s been so long, Kiki.”

“Oh. Well… You’re safe with me. I won’t think less of you for it. You know… in case you suddenly remember what it sounded like,” Keyleth batted her eyelashes at Vax in a lousy attempt to flirt with him.

Vax chuckled. The sound was enough to inflate Keyleth’s heart like a balloon. He wiped the tears from her face, then his, and then broke the hold he had on her. Keyleth watched him go into the bathroom and close the door. She blocked out all sounds that came next, brought her knees to her chest, and dropped her head on them, thinking. She had known the twins' story wouldn’t be pleasant. She had seen the few trinkets on Vax’s desk and the emptiness of their wardrobes, but had never considered that it would be this hard. Even though she lived most of her life without her mother, Keyleth still had her father’s love, her grandparents, her village. She hadn’t been alone, not like the twins had. And their father… How could someone be so hateful towards their children? They were so young, barely older than Keyleth when her mother died. They were suffering the loss of everything they knew and were forced to live with someone who not just plainly rejected them but who also did nothing to disguise their hatred for them. What a fucking asshole.

Keyleth was still deep into thought when Vax exited the bathroom. She only noticed him when he stopped by the foot of her bed to ruffle Trinket’s head, and then she followed him as he approached her bed and sat by her side again, where Vax bit his lower lip bashfully, avoiding eye contact with her. “Yes?” Keyleth asked. Vax hemmed and hawed, but finally, with his gaze still firmly set on her blanket, he asked, “Do you want to… can we–” He hesitated.

“You can ask me anything,” Keyleth said, laying a reassuring hand on his knee. Vax nodded and mustered the courage to look at her between his eyelids. His cheeks were flushed red, and his voice wavered as he asked, “Can we cuddle?”

Oh. Keyleth smiled. Please, that’s all I want. “Sure,” She said. Vax scooted closer to the middle of the bed and opened his arms to let Keyleth in. She sat sideways on his lap, legs curled up, and Vax wrapped one arm around her back and brought the other between them, where he intertwined his fingers with Keyleth’s. She finally let her head rest on his shoulder, right on the stupid wet spot of her tears, and Vax lowered his head to hers.

“Do you… do you want to hear the rest?” He asked.

“Of course, if you’re okay with sharing.”

“It might make you hate me,” Vax tensed. Keyleth shook her head as much as she could without bothering Vax and replied, “I doubt it. Nothing would make me hate you, Vax.” Nothing would make me stop loving you, is what she didn’t say.

Vax squeezed her tighter, as if he was trying to hold on to that hope, and continued his story. “I tried, for a while, but nothing I did seemed to be good enough for my father, and then he married. She is a good woman, kind and caring. She was always good to me and my sister, always made sure we were well-fed and cleaned. She wasn’t a mother figure, though, but neither of us was interested in replacing our mom with someone else. After the marriage, my father became worse, even stricter in his rules and assessments of our behavior and learnings. I stopped trying, then. I realized that no matter how many hours I put into studying or how many diction classes I had, I would never be good enough for him because he didn’t expect me to ever reach his unrealistic standards.

“So I started skipping classes, and I refused to change my accent and wear the clothes he wanted me to wear. As a punishment, my father ordered all of our clothes to be burned, so Vex and I were forced to wear what he wanted. I was barely older than eleven the first time he hit me when I refused to use his posh accent at an important dinner with his snob friends. He dragged me by the collar of my shirt to his office in front of everyone and slapped me across the face. He threatened that if I didn’t right myself, he would kick me and my sister out.” Keyleth shuddered hearing how badly Vax’s father treated him. Vax only squeezed her tighter, more for her comfort than his, and he kept talking, “I started sneaking out of the house when I was twelve. If Vex knew, she never said anything… at least not at first. I started hanging out with some shitty people back then and did things I’m not proud of. Vex found out when I came home one night with a black eye from a brawl. She scolded me until my ears bled and made me promise her I wouldn’t return to that place. I kept my promise but I still sneaked out at night, and I never told Vex where I went, in case my father found out. We have a sister, you know?” Vax paused.

Keyleth looked up at him, warmth immediately rising to her cheeks from the proximity of their mouths. It would be so easy to kiss him, but that was not the right moment. “You do?”

“Her name is Velora. She was barely a year old when we left.” Vax’s expression was filled with sorrow and guilt.

“Is that when…” Keyleth asked, remembering what Vax had said earlier, He almost killed Vex’ahlia. Vax nodded.

“It was one of the nights I sneaked out. He went looking for me, surely to punish me for whatever I did that day but found my room empty. He thought Vex knew where I was and was lying to cover my ass, so he–” Vax curled himself, burying his face in Keyleth’s neck. He was shaking so hard that Keyleth wrapped her arms around him and caressed his back affectionately.

“It’s okay. We can stop whenever you want.”

Keyleth’s shoulder became wet through her t-shirt. She kissed the top of Vax’s head with her eyes closed, taking in his scent and the warmth of his wet breath against her skin. She had never been a violent person, had never felt hatred, but at that moment, she knew she could kill the man for all he put his children through if she ever laid eyes on him. She allowed Vax to gather his thoughts, switching from rubbing his back to caressing his head, placing soft kisses to his crown and temple in between.

The weight on Keyleth’s stomach lifted as Vax’s shakes subsided. He took two long breaths, and once he finally calmed enough, Vax uncoiled from her embrace, wiped his tears, and said in a shaky, wet voice, “He called me into his office the next morning. He said a bunch of shit to me that I still repeat in my head today. I decided I was done and wanted out, so I planned our escape while my sister healed, and when she was good to move, we ran away during the night. Vex wanted to bring Velora, but I told her we couldn’t. It was the hardest decision I ever made, to leave my baby sister behind, but she was safe. She was planned and wanted. She’s safe,” Vax repeated as if he was trying to convince himself more than anything.

“So we were two fifteen-year-olds, lost in the woods with nowhere to go. We eventually made it to a town in the middle of nowhere where we worked odd jobs here and there, helping in the farms or whatever we could do to earn money to buy a bus ticket north. We found our way to Emon after a while, but again, we had nowhere to stay and were running out of money, so we lived out in the streets. It was harder to find jobs here. No one trusted a pair of dirty children like us, so we resorted to finding other ways to feed ourselves. Vex used her charming gifts to get us day-old bread and food from the stores, I would sneak in whatever I could. Only whatever was enough to feed us and then him.” Vax nodded at Trinket, who was sleeping peacefully like he had no worries in the world.

“We got robbed one night and lost all our money. I couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening. I failed my sister the night my father—I failed Velora by leaving her behind. And I failed us both the night we got robbed. I made a vow to never fail Vex again, so I started stealing money from passersby until we had enough to get us going again. I only stole small amounts, only whatever I could muster that they wouldn’t realize they had been pickpocketed.” Vax lowered his head in shame, “I’m not proud of it.”

Keyleth cradled Vax’s face in her hands, “Is that why you think I would hate you?” He nodded, but before he could say anything else, Keyleth said, “You did it to ensure your sister’s safety, not for greed, Vax. I would never, ever hate you for taking care of her, of yourself… You did what you had to do to survive.”

“What if I told you I killed someone?”

Keyleth shuddered. Her hands fell from Vax’s face and scrunched up the blanket on her lap. Her voice shook when she spoke, “What?”

“I failed Vex’ahlia a third time, when… when that motherfucker took her. I didn’t see her for almost a year, even though she still called and texted me. She managed to convince him to let me see her one day, and I—What my father did to her… what that man also did to her—I was so angry, so desperate, I wanted to kill him right there and then, but Vex stopped me. And good thing she did. I convinced her to leave him. It took a while, but she did it. Then, one night, he found us and tried to take her again, but I didn’t allow it. I had failed her enough times. So he attacked me, and in the middle of the fight, I stabbed him with my knife and… I killed him.”

“Vax,” Keyleth’s voice wavered. He refused to meet her eyes in fear of what he would see, but she lifted his chin with a strong grip. “That was self-defense, Vax. You—” “I killed someone, Keyleth.” Vax’s shoulders started shaking. Keyleth pulled him into a hug, “No, you saved your sister.” The only response was Vax’s sobs on her shoulder, wetness spreading to match the other side. “You were protecting her. I don’t hate you, Vax. I could never hate you. You know that, right?”

Vax shook his head just enough to say, “Why would someone even want to be with a useless failure like me?”

“You are not a failure, Vax. You had so many hardships in your life, and look where you are now. The top university in the continent, in the most coveted degree. Do you know how hard it is to get into Emon University, not to mention into Medicine? You’re top three in your class, Vax. You work so hard, and you’re such a nice, kind and caring person. You are not a failure. You are not useless.” Keyleth stopped, pushed him away enough to look into his eyes, and said assertively, “Do you really think no one wants you? I’ve seen the way Gilmore looks at you, Vax.” Vax chuckled a smile, “Besides… I’m sure there’s someone else out there who would want you,” Like me.

“You think so?” Vax asked tentatively.

“I know so.” Keyleth wiped his tears away with her thumbs, remaining the hold of his face in her grasp.

“Keeks,” Vax looked bashfully.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to go out with me?” Vax asked, biting his lip nervously. Keyleth was taken aback by the abruptness of the question.

“As in–a date?” Her heart was beating so fast in her chest that Keyleth thought it was going to jump out of her throat. Vax nodded. Keyleth swallowed a nervous squeal.

After everything that had happened that night, Vax still wanted to go out on a date with her, and even more, the fact that he asked her out after he was so vulnerable with her… Keyleth thought she was going to throw up the cookies and tea right on Vax’s lap from how hard her stomach leaped. She wanted this, right? A date… with Vax? She wanted him, and it was obvious he wanted her, for some gods damned reason. Even though she still shuddered at the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone–of being loved by someone–the image of Vax’s arms around her, the feel of his breath on her lips, and the way he cared for her weren’t dreadful in the slightest. She could do it with him, right? Maybe? One step at a time, Keyleth reminded herself. First, a date, and then… then we’ll see.

“Of course,” Keyleth answered, leaning to kiss Vax’s cheek. He slumped against her, releasing a breath Keyleth hadn’t noticed he was holding, and laughed.

“I thought you were going to say no for a second there, Kiki.”

“Sorry. You caught me off guard,” She apologized. Vax shook his head and squeezed her.

“Thank you for telling me,” Keyleth brushed a hand on Vax’s hair, and when he looked at her confused, Keyleth clarified, “About your life. Everything that happened with your mom and your father.”

“Oh. I–There’s still more, but I’m drained.” Keyleth nodded in understanding. She lowered her hands to her lap and her head to avoid Vax’s gaze and mumbled, “Will you stay tonight?”

“Do you want me to stay?” Keyleth gave a short nod, still not looking at him. “I’ll stay. I hope Pike and Vex don’t kill me.”

“They won’t,” Keyleth said, moving out of Vax’s lap. “I’ll be right back,” She said as she got up and headed into the bathroom. When Keyleth returned, Trinket was back on Vex’s bed, curled against the pillows, and Vax was lying on her bed, under her comforter, with a hand behind his head on her pillow. Keyleth stumbled at the sight, at the smirk on Vax’s face as he opened the covers to let her in—she would have to climb over him to reach the other side—and patted the bed next to him invitingly. Keyleth looked him up and down, from his head to his bare feet, back to his head. She didn’t realize she was biting her lip until she felt the coppery taste of blood from her wound, which she immediately wiped with a tissue from her nightstand.

“Are you okay?” Vax asked, concerned, seeing her dab at her lip. Keyleth nodded and threw the slightly bloodied tissue into the trashcan by her nightstand. She then climbed over Vax’s feet and lay down facing him. Vax covered them and turned to his side, setting one arm on the mattress between him and Keyleth. She looked at it, her eyes drifting from his tanned, strong hands—how she would love to feel them on her skin—to where the tattoo of a raven peeked from the inside of his forearm, to his relaxed bicep. Keyleth’s gaze drifted up to Vax’s shoulder, which tensed as he followed her gaze, to the vein popping on his neck—that Keyleth wished to kiss and bite and feel the rushed beating of his heart there against her lips—to Vax’s jawline, his chiseled cheeks, his uncovered, pierced ears. Keyleth let her eyes linger on every beautiful feature of Vax’s face as if she needed to commit every single detail to memory so she could draw his portrait afterward—never mind the fact she couldn’t draw people even if her life depended on it. She smiled as she finally found his chapped lips that looked so inviting, even more so when Vax, too, smiled as Keyleth’s gaze lingered and as she mindlessly licked her lips.

Keyleth didn’t speak, and neither did Vax. Eventually, their gazes met, drifting ever so slowly to each other. The air turned far too warm under the covers, and they both held their breaths as they saw their own need reflected in the other’s eyes. It wasn’t a physical need as much as an emotional connection, at least to Keyleth. She wouldn’t deny the different desire she had felt the past weeks, but that wasn’t the foremost need that she wanted Vax to fill—that she knew only Vax could fill. Keyleth released her breath slowly as if she was afraid to scare him, like Vax was a skittish cat, and let her hand slide to the bed, a mere hairline from touching Vax’s hand where it still lay on the mattress. To Keyleth’s shock, who hadn’t heard him release the breath from before, Vax inhaled deeply, and even though his eyes never left hers, Keyleth knew he was aware of the distance that separated them and how easy it would be to transcend it.

Keyleth’s body buzzed in anticipation at what the touch would feel like. Would it be warm or cold? Soft or rough from Vax’s calloused hands? Would it be sturdy or shaky from nerves? Would Vax intertwine their fingers, or would he pull away? Would it make his heart skip a beat like hers did in that moment?

There’s only one way to find out, Vax’s eyes all but said. If someone told Keyleth that Vax had read her mind, she would have believed them because it was either that or that the desperation she felt for his touch was plainly written in her eyes, and that would be embarrassing. It was true, nonetheless. There was only one way to find out. So Keyleth moved by lacing her fingers with Vax’s and took in the layers of his reaction: a slight twitch of his fingers as she wrapped her hand around his; the release of tension on Vax’s shoulders; a shuddering breath; the drooping in his eyes as the man finally relaxed. Keyleth smiled lovingly, knowing he couldn’t see her with his eyes closed. She contemplated letting her own eyes shut, but Vax looked so calm and relaxed that Keyleth felt compelled to remain awake, to observe him and drink in all his features.

“You’re staring at me,” Vax spoke, opening one eye.

“Sorry,” Keyleth apologized bashfully. Vax brought their hands to his lips and kissed each one of Keyleth’s knuckles. He didn’t say anything, didn’t return their hands to where they had been between them. Vax merely looked at Keyleth for a while, until she finally returned his words, “You’re staring at me.”

“Because you’re beautiful,” Vax let go of their hands and opened his arms. “Come here,” He called. Like a sailor, Keyleth obeyed his call, shimmying her body until her head was on the crook of Vax��s neck and their arms around each other’s torsos. Vax kissed her forehead softly and nuzzled against her hair.

“I didn’t know you could sing,” Keyleth felt, more than heard Vax say. She nodded against his skin and replied, “I had singing lessons when I was young. I didn’t know you could play guitar.”

“The only good thing my father did besides siring me and my sister was force us to have music lessons. I refused the piano, and since Vex was already taking classes, my father didn’t care what other instrument I picked.”

“I’ve never seen a guitar in your bedroom,” Keyleth pointed out. Vax’s sigh against the top of her head tickled her.

“When we were robbed, even after I started stealing money, it wasn’t enough, so we had to sell a few things, mostly jewels we still had from our father, but even then… Vex’ahlia wanted to sell her bow, and it would have gotten us decent money for a while, but I couldn’t do that to her. She loves archery more than words can describe. So I sold my guitar to buy a knife.”

“The one in your nightstand?” Keyleth asked softly. Vax nodded. She let it sink in, the sacrifice he had made—all the sacrifices Vax had made—to protect his sister. She knew that even though it benefitted both, Vax had done it for his twin more than for himself. His stupid, selfless heart that he still didn’t see.

“I’m sorry you had to sell your guitar. You’re a great brother, Vax.”

“Hmm,” Was all Vax said as he nuzzled further against Keyleth’s hair. Her heart warmed at the feeling of him this close to her, even though it wasn’t the first time they shared a bed.

“It feels different,” Keyleth whispered, voicing out her thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Us. It feels different. Has been for a while.”

“It is different,” Vax mumbled and kissed the top of her head. “I like it.”

“Me too,” was all Keyleth said as she nuzzled against Vax’s neck.

The slow and steady beating of Vax’s heart worked like a metronome setting the cadence for her own heart. The rise and fall of Vax’s chest underneath her hand lulled Keyleth into such a deep sense of relaxation that she didn’t even realize the heavy weight of her eyelids had finally won the battle against wanting to keep observing Vax’s beauty. Keyleth drifted off to sleep with the scent of Vax wrapping around her, calming her. Maybe for the first time in months, Keyleth slept through the entire night, waking up the next morning to the sounds of voices in the house and the smell of cooking creeping from underneath her bedroom door. Maybe for the first time in a while, Keyleth didn’t wake up scared in the middle of the night from a haunting nightmare, but even if she had, Vax would have been there to hold her through it, to kiss her head and whisper sweet, reassuring words in her ear. And perhaps, it was with the knowledge of that being true that Keyleth allowed herself a moment of restfulness and happiness.

#critical role #cr fic #vox machina #vaxleth #modern au #college au #be in my eyes #is this the longest piece of fiction I've written so far? yes.#was it a pain in the ass to review? absolutely #I hereby would like to apologize for breaking all of your hearts into a million pieces.#don't worry it only gets worse from here on :)

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