#don't worry there's rock music from other decades too

[insanelyadd]

Making playlists for the Collector and my Archivists and I don't know whether I should laugh or feel embarrassed about how much angsty 2000s rock is on these.

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 ; 𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐤𝐢 𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐱 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

!! disclaimer before we start this girliez !!

it's gonna be a multi-part fic

it's based on the movie (i read about the band's and nikki's life, but it'd be complicated)

fem!reader will be half russian and half of another nation (you can insert yours here)

it's gonna have some TW parts as cussing, drugs, sex, miscarriage, depression so please read with caution!!

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏.

word count: 2.308k trigger warning: cursing, pole dance, smoking

1981, hollywood, sunset boulevard

♡ 𝐘/𝐍 ♡

the fake lashes tickled her eyes as one of her colleagues helped her to ruffle up her hair, well, if you can name the other girls who pole dances with you in a night club 'colleagues'.

"i fucking hate this shit" she muttered, putting lipstick on her lips. jessica, the girl who helped her shrugged her shoulders.

"when you're done with that, you can go off with a guy. old men pays way much more then the broke, skinny rock and roll wannabe-ones."

"it's a good idea jess, but i want to use my young years, and maybe get a normal relationship." y/n knew that this decade had its own fuckboys, just like the teddy-boys in the 60s with long coats and hair with much gale, and the hippies in the 70s with those fucking irritating and bad-looking flares and too much color, and now... they had log hair, black clothes and bulked up with studs, now just on their clothes, but on their face, too. sometimes it was fucking disgusting, even worse than punks, but other times, it was pleasant dig into a boy's long hair while he ate her out.

"your choice, baby. two minutes and simon will come in, so prepare yourself." simon was the guy who talked with them; when to go to the stage and when their shift ended, handing out the girls' 'salaries' to them, always in cash, of course. dancing here wasn't her first option; y/n wanted to go to somewhere, where an audience could tell that she had a good voice, or just tell her to fuck off, getting into dancing and singing, acting universities were difficult and expensive to get in. but since she had to pay the bills in the house she shared with two other girls, collecting money wasn't that easy.

in two hours, she was dancing in the big area on the counter, letting men tuck money into her panties and throw it in the front of her legs. shaking and crawling her body to the music, she almost completely shut the world out from her own world. at least she could dance, and she liked dancing, as soon as...

a bolting light shone through the bar. it was impossible to miss that is was a camera light. what the fuck, she turned and saw a couple of guys standing there, making pictures in front of where she was dancing.

"the guys will be so jealous when they're gonna see this! okay, brad, could you-"

"what the fuck do you think are you doing?" y/n stopped dancing, getting their attention.

"just making some pictures, don't worry, babe."

"don't fucking babe me! you can't take pictures here, do you understand?" she hollered, climbing down from the counter.

"could you take a picture about us with your friend in the back? or could you call down her?"

y/n snatched the camera from them.

"if you don't fuck off, i'm gonna trash this piece of shit."

"i'd listen to the girl." two other guy stepped in, they had long hair just like the rockers they probably listened to. one of them, the curlier and brown one carried a drumstick with himself, tucked into his belt.

"sorry, but what the fuck are you?" fuckface brad's one friend asked him.

"just a guy who walks in here from time to time and doesn't break the rules."

"i don't fucking care, could you please go away? we have to take some pictures, give me back that shit!"

"this?" y/n asked, looking at the camera, then, with her heart stomping in her chest, she trashed it down to the ground, breaking it into thousands of pieces. the fuckfaces got shocked.

"are you fucking mad?!"

"you deserved it anyway", the drumstick-boy's friend said, but the next moment, y/n got a punch into her face, crashing into the counter where people stood before it. looking up, she felt something warm running down to her lips, but instead of crying being hurt, she grabbed the nearest bottle she could find, breaking it, she successfully scratched the boy's arm.

"fuck you!" she screamed, aggressively waving the bottle in front of her. "fuck off, right now, motherfuckers!"

"y/n, what the fuck are you doing?" simon got in the picture. y/n looked around; some of the guests and jessica stared at them, the rocker boys stopped punching the other two guy as she fretted the third of them with a broken bottle. "if you do it again, you are gonna get fired!"

the girl looked at him, laughing, grabbing as much as money she could.

"yeah? then you won't gonna get the chance to fire me, because i quit! fuck you, simon, and fuck everybody in this craphole! i'm done!" screaming, she walked back to collect her things. not saying a word to anyone, carrying her clothes and her wallet, she walked beside simon, pushing his shoulder with hers as he tried to talk with her. but now, she was mad and unstoppable.

"you can never go back here if you quit now!" simon yelled to her as she stood at the door, now everybody staring at them.

"you know what simon?" she asked, licking her lips. iron from blood. with money in one hand, she dropped her things for a second and showed up both of her middle fingers.

turning around, she left the place that was her second place to go, but not her second home. out the door, she saw that people were staring into the bar, probably they heard the fight.

"hey dude! give me a fucking cigarette." getting one, they lit it to her.

"do you know what happened? we heard yelling and screaming." a woman asked, y/n nodded, blowing out the smoke.

"yeah, it was me. and don't come here, because the motherfuckers replace half of the whiskey with water." then walking away, she sat down on the side of the road, smoking the stick between her lips as she put on her skirts, top and her jacket. she couldn't think about what's gonna be with her. there was always a place for a crawling, dancing girl who could dress up as a slut.

"hey, are you okay?"

turning around, it was the same two guy who tried to defend her. she couldn't blame them, she blamed the brad-kinda assholes. holding the cig with her hand now, she bit her lip.

"except that the fact that now i'm jobless, that my face hurts and got rearranged, i'm pretty good, thanks." they sat down beside her.

"we're sorry for what happened. but we beat them up."

"you were cool, too! with that broken bottle. i'm tommy, by the way, and he's nikki."

"i can talk myself too, tom."

"i'm y/n. and that's my job... well, was."

"sorry that we couldn't stop it." nikki looked at her. he had pretty, green eyes, not the ones she could see everyday.

"don't worry, it was just a matter of time. otherwise, if i have to handle those three, maybe i'd be in jail now. and i hate this shit", she added, tearing down the fake lashes.

"would you actually stab them?" tommy asked.

"of course. if they break the rules, i break them head." at that, the two of them looked each other. "what? you don't meet girls everyday who smash others for being a motherfucker?"

"no, most of my girlfriends cry and scream, or throw something at me." tommy shrugged his shoulders. "i'm gonna borrow some cigs, do y'all want some?"

"yes, please." y/n said, and nikki nodded, also. now, it was just the two of them. she turned to the guy.

"and you? any troubled girl?" he shook his head.

"not one yet. but an upcoming band, and it's gonna be fire."

"upcoming band? you drive in bands?"

"yeah. but the last one was shit, it was called london."

"bands with names of towns never work, didn't anybody tell you that before?" nikki laughed at her question. "well, now you know. and any plans about the new one?"

"it's gonna be... the best band you've ever seen. but i still need some members in it, now i only have tommy. so tell me, can you sing?"

it this the hand of fate? y/n was far too much played to believe in some guy's promises and questions.

"well, nobody wanted to beat me when i was carousing in my rent." laughing at this, nikki turned to her.

"maybe if you can really sing, i'll count a frontwoman into my band."

"frontwoman? don't joke with me." y/n shook her head at his words.

"why would i joke? why do you think it's a joke?"

"because i got fucked up by some people before, and i don't believe to empty promises. see, i'll go there, and if the band is cool, then i'm in."

tommy came back, handing the cigarettes to them, showing up a bottle alcohol.

"guys, i found this on the ground, it's only half empty!" he said, making y/n grimace.

"watch out, maybe it's piss. happens a lot of time." the two guy laughed again.

"were did you learn these comments?" tommy asked. y/n shrugged her shoulders, letting nikki light her cigarette.

"anywhere. i spent my childhood with people i learned a lot from."

"were you in orphanage?" nikki asked, and she nodded. another piece of ash falling to the ground.

"kinda. i grew up in sacramento, and getting out from it, i came here."

"that's fine. i sent my mother into jail, but she was an asshole anyway." nikki added, making y/n pull up her eyebrows, nodding approvingly.

"hard."

"do you wanna go to party? tommy?" the guy asked, tommy shook his head.

"sorry, but i gotta be home. i think that girl broke up with me, but anyway, it was nice to meet you, y/n."

"see you again, toms."

"how so?"

"your friend just invited me to sing in his upcoming band, the one that never anybody has seen before." she teased nikki.

"wow, that's cool! i thought we're gonna have a guy, but that's okay."

"can't i be as good as a guy?" she asked back, making tommy look at nikki. "whatever, it's only a trial."

as tommy got away, y/n finished her second cigarette. "it was a pleasure to meet you, nikki, but i gotta search for a new place to work."

"really?"

"why? until 4am, they're open. it's not a big deal."

"come and party with me instead of it. or just sit down and talk, hm?" the girl smiled at this, rolling her eyes.

"are you trying to fuck me? other guys just pay me the drinks and help me to get to the bathroom."

"no, i just wanna get to know more about you. you're probably not pure american, judging by your accent." nikki answered, helping her stand up. y/n looked at him.

"it's true that i'm a half-blood. half russian, half (y/na). every cop asks for my id, everybody thinks that i'm a fucking illegal immigrant, but i'm just as an american citizen as this fucking ford!" she said, pointing at the car beside them.

"fuck the police anyway. and... you said that you were a foster kid, how so?"

"i don't want to talk about it. besides, not everybody's choice to get their parents int jail."

the truth was that her mother was truly an illegal immigrant, and in the short half and a year she was in the states, she got pregnant with her from a fellow guy she met with. when y/n was born, her mother had a beautiful, lovely six months with her baby, but then, one day the police knocked on her door. having no father and living in a mother's home, it was an instant way to get into orphanage.

"i'm sorry about that. do you want to forget these things with some booze?" nikki asked as they turned down on the road.

"do you have an actual place to live?" she asked him.

"do you have a place to stay?" nikki asked back.

"hell yeah, just because i'm stated as a slut by the society, i'm not a homeless one!" y/n spread her arms beside them, almost slapping a guy. they both laughed at that. "lead me to your place."

"right away, princess." he replied, setting his arm around her shoulder. "can i?" nikki looked at her, y/n looked up to her from her real eyelashes.

"what?"

"people can think that we're going up to me to fuck." y/n laughed, shrugging her free shoulder.

"and do i look like i give a fuck about what they think?"

♡ 𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐊𝐈 ♡

y/n could be only one girl from all those who he met through the years, but she wasn't. he was unsure about that he really should invite her to the band, because if they really would get famous, everybody would bully her do death. and maybe she wouldn't get it on herself, but he would blow up from all the shit she'd get. looking at her, he only knew her a couple hours ago, but the way she protected herself from the creeps in the bar in underwear, the way she talked, she could be a pure ghetto chick, but she was more than that. it was like... she born into the wrong place, wanting to be more than she was now.

"is something bad? or are you just thinking?" she asked him.

"what? no, i just hope that i locked the windows before i started the night."

"i fancy the simple fact that you are a guy who is capable of thinking."

he wasn't a fan of fast and strong emotions, but if she doesn't stop replying sarcastically, he's gonna marry her.

it was just a matter of time...

...and tons of drugs, music and trouble.

𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓.

a/n: i gotta get into writing since i just got back, but i hope you still like it. if you want to get on the taglist, dm, comment or write here

take care and stay safe girliez

[ereardon]

Friends Don't || Chapter 2

Summary: Bob Floyd has been your best friend for almost a decade, ever since he quietly agreed to tutor you in college. The two of you have spent years chasing each other around the globe – Bob as a WSO, you as a travel blogger. You’ve always been the anywhere-but-here girl, and he’s been your rock. But when a surprise diagnosis threatens to crumble your picture-perfect life, you’re on the first flight back to San Diego, desperate to put down roots for the first time. Will Bob finally have it in him to admit that you could be the love of his life? What will he say when he finds out the secret you’ve been skillfully hiding from him? Or worse, what if he doesn’t find out until it’s too late? 

Pairing: Robert “Bob” Floyd x OC [Reid] 

Tropes: Friends to lovers

Warnings: Cursing, mention of doctors/illness/crashes, illusion to death, blood

WC: 2.1K

Series masterlist here; previous chapter here; next chapter here

“Got everything you need, Sunny?” 

You turned around. Bob was standing in the doorway to your room, wearing a pair of blue striped pajama pants and a white t-shirt that hung off his lean frame. You smiled and nodded. “Think I’m good for the night at least.” 

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, you crossed your bare legs and looked around the room. It was a mess. You were waiting on the rest of your stuff to get shipped from your Brooklyn apartment where you had been living for the last eight months, so all you had were the two suitcases that you’d taken on the plane, now spread out on the ground, their contents spilled across the hardwood floors. 

“Thanks for letting me stay,” you said quietly. 

Bob tipped his head. “Don’t have to thank me, darlin’. It’s your house now, too.” 

It was a sweet little two bedroom house, only a fifteen minute drive from the beach. But it was sparsely decorated. Your room had just a bed and a dresser, no art, no rugs, no lamps. “What are your thoughts on letting me redecorate, in that case?” 

He laughed. “What, you don’t like my style?”

“Bachelor chic? You’re about one step above a 20-something guy in Bushwick who has his mattress on the floor so that he’s closer to the Earth but the reality is that he has fifty dollars in his bank account so when he asks you on a date he takes you to his sweaty roof in July and plays shitty guitar music and tries to mansplain to you the difference between IPA and other beers.” 

Bob raised an eyebrow. “Tell me you haven’t actually met guys like that.” 

“Unfortunately, I’ve met every single kind of guy you could ever imagine.” 

“Well, if my options are Brooklyn douche or you redecorate, by all means Sunny, do whatever you’d like with the place. I’ll leave my credit card on the kitchen table.” 

You stood up and crossed the room. “No way. It’s on me. I want to do this for you. Make a nice house so one day you can have some lucky girl over and she won’t get the immediate ick when she sees that you still have gray sheets and brown towels.” 

“What’s wrong with gray sheets?” 

You shook your head. “Trust me, Bobby.” 

“Sure, honey,” he whispered. You took one step closer, wrapping your arms around him. Bob immediately folded you into an embrace, resting his chin on your shoulder. 

“I missed you so much,” you whispered. “Thank God you’re home safe.” 

“Were you worried about me, Sunny?” he asked quietly, his low voice rumbling.  

“I worry about you every fucking day,” you murmured into his chest. “When you’re flying and I don’t know where you are. When you’re on the ground somewhere far from wherever I am. All I can think about is the next time we’re going to talk. The next time I'll know for a fact that you’re safe. And then that call comes and I’m elated. But it has to end sometime, right? So when it ends, the second you hang up, I’m back to being worried about you.” 

Bob pulled away, his hands folded into yours. “You worry too much, Reid. I’m always gonna be here for you. Always have been.” 

How could he forget? There was a reason you were scared all the time. You had almost lost him to the skies once. 

You were living in San Francisco and Bob was stationed out of Lemoore. It was the closest the two of you had ever lived since you graduated, four years prior. 

That’s when you got the call. 

“Reid Coleman?” 

You sat up straight at your desk chair, looking out the window over Market Street. If you really craned your neck, you could see the Ferry Building. “This is.” 

“I regret to inform you that Lieutenant Robert Floyd has been in an accident. You were listed as his emergency contact.” 

“Oh my God,” you whispered, heart plummeting in your abdomen. “Is he OK?” 

“He’s sustained injuries, ma’am,” the person on the other end of the line said. 

You didn’t even register that the phone had fallen from your grasp until you heard it drop to the floor at your feet. You were out the door in a second, practically barreling down to the lobby of the building, fingers shaking as you tried to search for rental cars nearby. 

The three-and-a-half hour drive went by in an instant, and it was the longest car ride you had ever been on. Every single second all you could think of was the fact that Bob could have died out there. 

And that the last thing you might have said to him was that you hated him. 

By the time you arrived on base it was dark. You barreled through the hospital doors, panting as you made your way to the nurses station. “Robert Floyd?” you asked, panicked. 

“And you are?” 

“His emergency contact.” 

The nurse nodded. “Follow me.” 

You trailed after her down the hallway, the clacking of your high heels on the linoleum floor the only noise in the sterile hallway. 

She stopped in front of the door. “He’s intubated,” she warned you. “So he can’t speak.” 

You nodded and she opened the door. But you weren’t ready for what you saw. Bobby, lying there on the bed, with a thick clear tube sticking out of his throat and mouth, taped to his lips, the whirring sound of the machines as they kept him alive. The way he practically blended into the white linens of the bed he looked so pale and fragile. 

You collapsed onto a chair next to his bed, taking his hand, the one that didn’t have an IV in it, into yours, letting your salty tears fall onto his cold skin. 

“Bobby,” you whispered, voice thick with tears and pain. “Honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please, Bobby, come back to me.” 

He stayed in a coma for three days. You spent nearly every waking moment at his bedside, watching him with bated breath, waiting for some semblance of life to overtake him because the boy lying there in that hospital bed was not your best friend. He was a stranger. He didn't look or feel at all like the boy you had come to love over the last seven years.

And then, on the third day, you heard a familiar voice. 

“Sunny?” 

It was dry and scratchy. That morning the doctors had taken out the intubation and said he was awake, and you had rushed over from the hotel. There were tears in your eyes as you bolted through the doorway to where Bob was sitting up in bed, his glasses settled on his nose, a slow pinkness coming back to his rounded cheeks. 

You bent in half over the edge of the bed, sobs wracking your body, silent tears streaming down your face. Bob reached out one hand, softly patting your hair. “Honey, don’t cry.” 

You pulled away, looking up into his familiar blue eyes. He had looked so small before, and that had terrified you. He looked like himself again. Like the Bobby who had picked you up and carried you halfway across campus when you accidentally stepped on a rusted nail and had to go to the ER. He looked like the Bobby who had dared you to go into the caves in Vietnam even though you were terrified of small spaces. He looked like the Bobby that you loved with every cell in your body. 

He looked like your Bobby again. 

“I thought I lost you,” you whispered. 

“Never going to lose me, darlin’,” he murmured back. 

You sniffled, gripping his hand. 

Bob’s eyes widened after a moment. Then, “Wait. Where’s Denver?” 

You raised your eyes to him, unable to say it but knowing that they could convey what had happened without words, and watched as your best friend fell apart right in front of you. 

***

“OK Floyd, spill.” 

“Spill what?” Bob asked, tossing down a hand of cards. Payback laid his cards down. Two pair. He grabbed the pile of chips in the middle of the table and slid them closer, stacking them up with his own poker chips. 

“About Reid, Floyd,” Phoenix said, exasperated. “These two boneheads,” she pointed at Hangman and Rooster, “want to know if she’s fair game.” 

“Hey!” Coyote pouted. “So do I.” 

Bob shook his head as Fanboy dealt a new round of cards. “She’s not my girlfriend, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

“So we can ask her out,” Hangman was practically salivating. “Cause she’s hot as fuck.” 

Bob raised his head and glared at the blond. Hangman put his hands up in a defensive maneuver. 

“Woah, chill Floyd.” 

“She already turned you down, Bagman,” Phoenix chimed in. 

“She didn’t turn down Rooster,” Payback pointed out. “Or should I call him Chicken Man.” 

All eyes turned to Bradley, who took a sip of his beer. Then, “Never said I was gonna ask her out.” 

Bob sighed, trading in three cards from the five card draw. “Sunny is an adult,” he said. “She can do whatever she wants. So Rooster, if you want to ask her out, you’re free to. It’s up to her if she says yes or not.” 

Bradley nodded, tossing out one card, waiting for Fanboy to deal him a replacement. “Maybe I will.” 

Bob pursed his lips, grabbing for his beer glass, taking a chug and then slamming it down. He didn’t realize how forceful he was until the glass shattered on impact in his hand, sending beer rushing over the table and down the sides. Everyone jumped up in a panic. 

“Shit, baby on board, what the fuck?” Hangman called as he rushed to grab a roll of paper towels. 

“I’m sorry,” Bob shook his head. “I didn’t mean to.” 

“Come here,” Phoenix said, grabbing his arm and tugging him into the kitchen. She held his hand over the sink, pulling out a small splinter of glass from his palm, running the bloody hand under water. She doused it in soap and he winced at the sting. 

“Thanks,” Bob said as Phoenix wrapped his hand in a clean dish towel in Hangman’s kitchen. 

She looked up at him, knowingly. “You can say no to them, you know.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Phoenix sighed. “Yes you do. Reid. You don’t want those idiots to touch her.”

Bob grimaced. “She’s a big girl. If she wants to go out with them, she can.” 

“Just admit it,” Phoenix said. “She is more than just your best friend.” 

Bob’s blue eyes bore into hers. “Sunny is, and always will be, the love of my life. I’m just not hers.” 

***

You looked through the sliding glass door to where Bob was carefully peeling an orange at the kitchen table, his eyes glued on the TV hanging over the mantle. 

“Ms. Coleman, have you found a new physician in the San Diego area? If not, I can recommend one to you. But it’s imperative that you go in for new scans immediately.” 

You sighed. “I’m working on it.” 

“Ms. Coleman.” The voice on the other end of the line was hard. “This is no joking matter.” 

“Don’t you think I’m aware of that?” you hissed. 

“I’m going to email you a list of five physicians in the area.” 

“They’re going to say exactly what you said,” you whispered. 

“You need to get a second opinion. And either way, you need a local physician now that you’ve relocated.” 

“Fine,” you said. “Send me the names.” 

“Ms. Coleman?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Please make an appointment.” 

You clicked off the phone and slid open the door. Bob had moved to the couch, one arm slung over the low back. 

“Everything OK?” he asked. 

You nodded, walking around the edge of the couch and settling into the spot next to him. Without even thinking, you leaned into Bob’s side, letting his arm fall around your shoulders, tucking you into his side. 

“Sunny?” he asked softly. He read you like an open book. He could practically see the anxiety and tension radiating off of your skin. 

“I’m fine,” you whispered, looking up at him with a small smile before resting your head against his thigh, lifting your feet onto the other end of the couch, lying down so that Bob’s hand was now firmly pressed against the dip in your side where your ribcage ended. 

You closed your eyes, breathing in his familiar smell, letting yourself relax, feeling your heart rate slow. 

“Everything is going to be fine,” you murmured.

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[exeggcute]

(synthpop anon) to be more specific i'm looking for more stuff in the vein of depeche mode, new order, pet shop boys, soft cell, etc. the type i can best describe as "fun music with jaded lyrics". speaking of yaz(oo) i already really like upstairs at eric's!

hmmm. I worry that I might not have the best recs for you then because I'm one of those people who doesn't pay THAT much attention to lyrics... it took me a full decade to realize that tryouts for the human race is a song about sperm. sung from the perspective of a sperm lol. I just hear a moroder synth line and black out

so forgive me if any of these are (1) songs/bands you already know or (2) don't quite fit the ticket, but let me try to suggest some stuff based on vibes...

sparks, actually. I still haven't listened to most of their 80s discography (one of these days...) but I adore no 1 in heaven, which is 100% synthpop, and kimono my house, which isn't. but those boys are insane lyricists so if you like fun music about crazy shit you're in the right place.

if you already like yaz (I specifically said yazoo in my last response in case you hadn't heard of em, since when you google "yaz" the first thing that comes up is the birth control pill... but as a yank I admittedly never call them yazoo lol) then you know that vince clarke is a fucking legend. and as one half of erasure I think some of erasure's lesser-known hits fit the bill. love to hate you, who needs love like that, oh l'amour...

bronski beat for more gay synthpop. oh shit marc almond is here?

I only know a handful of devo songs, so if you want better recs you'd need to ask my dad lol, but i like love without anger and freedom of choice

XTC!!!

prefab sprout has some bangers across the board but the king of rock and roll is a song about a washed-up music star with thomas dolby in the production seat. so pretty much exactly what you're looking for.

tears for fears? broken, change, mothers talk... plus the US mix of mothers talk that I mostly don't like but I adore the intro (it's not that you're not goooood enough... it's just that we can make you bet-taaah...)

OMD is good. check out dazzle ships

midge-ure era ultravox is maybe too on the nose. literally dancing with tears in my eyes, lol. plus reap the wild wind, the thin wall, and of course vienna

not necessarily jaded lyrics but aztec camera is really moody and good. I love high land, hard rain (and this extended version of walk out to winter...)

jaded but not synthpop: the english beat. seriously, hear me out

it's less synthpop-y than some of this other stuff, but these gary numan solo albums are my fave: dance and I, assassin

if you don't already like japan you gotta go listen to gentlemen take polaroids front to back. then try titles by mick karn

some random one-offs: happy hour; promises, promises; the politics of dancing

and then, of course, the all time legend

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Balearic Beats (The Album Vol 1) 1988 Balearic Beat / Disco / House / Industrial

Man, this is such a momentous fuckin' album that was compiled by legends Paul Oakenfold, Pete Tong, and Trevor Fung back in '88. Here they deliver the first compilation to *ever* attempt to encapsulate the sound of the wide-ranging 'Balearic beat,' a dance phenomenon whose home was in the party capital of the world, on the Spanish isle of Ibiza, where plenty of Europeans would visit and end up drawing inspiration from. And with this album, these three guys appear to have finally successfully broken through, able to bring this very quirky vibe into the UK to coat its own exploding dance music scene during the historic 'Second Summer of Love,' which saw the Chicago-born genre of acid house reach critical mass among the youth and spawn a first generation of ravers.

But Balearic beat is not something that one can easily describe, because its most defining trait is that it really only has one rule: so long as there is some sort of tangible beat that's danceable, it'll do. Essentially, Balearic beat represents an extremely expansive coterie of a whole bunch of different genres: pop, rock, house, disco—pretty much everything that ranges between James Brown funk records and industrial music, and with blends of psychedelia, Italo flavor, plenty of leftfield experimentalism, guitar rock, and chunks of world music too. It's probably the single-most unique dance music scene that this world's ever borne witness to, and it not only allowed, but actively encouraged DJs to take unprecedented levels of risk in their own selections, as a culture of decadence, hedonism, freedom, and acceptance was nurtured and fostered.

And Oakenfold and co. really tried to bring this vibe and approach into the UK's own dance consciousness a couple times between '87 and '88, after returning from summers spent on Ibiza and opening up a couple nightclubs. But things finally started taking hold with Oakey's own Monday club night called Spectrum at gay superclub Heaven in Westminster, London. And this comp, with liner notes provided by Boy's Own's Terry Farley, represents those Spectrum club nights, as well as stuff from Shoom, which is the club where the UK's acid house movement first originated. Shoom was founded by Oakenfold compatriot Danny Rampling, whose own first trip to Ibiza with Oakey and others is what inspired him to open up the club in the first place. And Rampling took ecstasy for the first time on that Ibiza trip too 💊😁🥹.

So, from a glance, by looking at this tracklist and not having any familiarity with what Balearic beat entails, you might see this list of songs and inevitably scratch your head: Italo-jazz saxophonist Enzo Avitabile?; pop starlet Mandy Smith, who's unfortunately best known for having an underage relationship with former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman and then marrying him 🤮?; San Francisco avantgardists The Residents taking the bassline from "Billie Jean" and fashioning a cover of a Hank Williams honky-tonk tune out of it?; EBM group Nitzer Ebb?; industrial act Fini Tribe on a weird, cocaine-fueled tribal disco tip with ringing and clanging bells??? What on earth is this?!?!?

But don't worry, now that you have a proper frame of reference, it'll all make a whole lot more sense when you actually put this album on 😎.

And we gotta make special mention of this release's opener too, "Jibaro" by Oakenfold and Steve Osborne's Balearic electronic project, Electra. Yesterday I posted about an Italo comp that was put out by this same Pete Tong-run FFRR label called The House Sound of Europe - Vol. V - 'Casa Latina', and I remarked that although the Electra track on there really had no business being included—because it was neither Italian-made nor really a house tune—it was still the best track that that comp had to offer, as it was the pure ultimate in 80s Ibiza silky-chillness. But this "Jibaro" track, a cover of a mid-70s Spanish psychedelic disco-funk tune, and whose own 12-inch art inspired the album art for this comp itself, represents a different branch of that girthy Balearic tree, because this one's a full-fledged house jam; slower than a typical house tune, but a house tune nonetheless; and with a richly patched-together sonic quilt of different sounds that *majorly* diverges from all the black, queer, and acid-jacking beauty that'd been emanating from Chicago.

So, ultimately, this was a very important album in the grand scheme of things. Balearic beat brought a very elastic dimension to the acid house movement writ large in the UK, and if you'll now all allow me to unveil my corkboard-and-yarn setup here to give you all a parting glimpse of just how intertwined all of this got within the UK's own vibrant, fluid, and interconnected music landscape, let's bring all of this full-circle by talking about legendary Manchester new wave band New Order.

New Order once took a two-week trip to Ibiza that had such a profound effect on them that it yielded their fifth studio LP, Technique, in 1989. And they also owned a very popular club in Manchester called The Haçienda. In '88, The Haçienda would launch its own Ibiza-themed club nights, which then played an integral role in the development of the city's own Madchester scene, a style of alternative dance music that saw indie bands mesh their sound with psychedelia and acid house beats. And one of Madchester's biggest landmarks ended up being 1990's Pills 'n' Thrills and Bellyaches, an album by a group called Happy Mondays that was co-produced by none other than the Electra boys themselves—Paul Oakenfold and Steve Osborne! 🤯

Highlights:

Electra - "Jibaro" Code 61 - "Drop the Deal" Beats Workin' - "Sure Beats Workin'" Enzo Avitabile - "Black Out" Mandy Smith - "Mandy's Theme (I Just Can't Wait) (Cool & Breezy Jazz Version)" The Residents - "Kaw-Liga (Prairie Mix)" The Woodentops - "Why Why Why (Live)" Fini Tribe - "De Testimony (Collapsing Edit)" The Thrashing Doves - "Jesus On the Payroll"

[dollarbin]

Sandy Saturdays #10:

Blues Run the Game

When I was a kid there were two required initial steps to take if you wanted to one day rock: first, you had to learn how to play Stairway to Heaven. Then it was time to learn Blackbird.

I did neither; rather I borrowed my buddy Eric's spare acoustic and taught myself how to stumble through Knocking on Heaven's Door (G-D-C; G-D-C).

My approach is not recommended: my famous brother and my other, almost-as-famous, brother are both surely shredding on their six strings as we speak, their families gathered about them, rapt with awe, as they sing about the lady who's sure that all that glitters is gold and the poor blackbird's sunken eyes. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, writing this.

(But I did recently witness a big deal version of Blackbird: the eighth grade at my school sang it with horrific, tuneless assembly requirement while their music teacher showed off his seventh grade level guitar licks, but at their center stood a committed, fearless/oblivious young woman who, I kid you not, busted out a whistled, note-perfect and full, blackbird warble at the song's end; surely that warble on The White Album is a field recording, not Paul whistling, right? But this was no field recording: the kid was on tweeting fire. I read this morning that some 14 year American boy just got a professional soccer contract for millions of dollars in England; Paul McCartney ought to offer the young woman at my school a similar contract, pronto.)

Well, anyway, neither Plant/Page's overblown, but still kinda killer (the drums!), epic or McCartney lovely yet paternalistic race anthem existed in 1965 when Sandy Denny, Nick Drake and Paul Simon were teaching themselves to be, well, Sandy Denny, Nick Drake and Paul Simon.

It's really too bad. Imagine Sandy singing Stairway to Heaven. Someway, somehow, she'd make it not sound cliche. While we're at it, imagine Sandy's perfect phrasing, volume, tempo and sense of self taking over altogether for Plant's shirtless, hollering ego.

(Don't panic, I enjoy a little Zeppelin now and again as much as the next white guy who writes a blog about his record collection, and we'll get to Plant and Denny's famous, dense and soaring, shared track on some upcoming Sandy Sunday).

And Nick Drake's version of Stairway to Heaven would be a joyful romp, no? In his hands we'd worry about the Piper rather than be warned against him.

Paul Simon, meanwhile, would revamp the entire chord structure, have 16 tracks on the demo and make Artie stand around, waiting for his turn to do something, anything, only on the last, trembling and drawn out phrase over cymbals, kettle drums and fifes: "and she's buying a stairway.... to heav......en."

But, since that song was yet to be written (Plant must have been about 7 in 65/66) there was a clear stand-in apprentice track for aspiring mid-60's Brits to work at: Blues Run the Game, Jackson C. Frank's lick heavy paean to room service gin. Simon, Denny and Drake all put their stamp on the song, Denny and Drake through home recordings and Simon through an early studio track.

We'll start with the original on this fine Saturday. Simon was there for the song's birthing; he's the producer here, which mostly seems to mean that he said "roll 'em" then looked away while the terrified Frank laid the song down live.

Frank's biography is ready for the Sophocles treatment; he and Oedipus could compare mournful notes, competing to see who had it worse from the gods.

Frank: "Look, Oedipus, I hear you about your mom and all, but did you survive a childhood fire that killed bunches of your peers? No? And was your precocious initial development followed by failed relationships, failed marriages, a terminally ill newborn son and decades of homelessness? No again? Quit trying to interrupt Oedipus; no one cares about your dad. Finally, were you blinded in one eye by errant, random fire from a teenager wielding a pellet gun? No? Well then, quit moping, and shrug it off dude!"

Poor Frank spent a lot of the seventies charging around Woodstock, NY, in his birthday suit, occasionally complimented by a sword and/or cape, his schizophrenic delusions overcoming him. All kidding aside, you gotta feel for the dude.

His tragic life makes his sad song, and his raw performance of it, all that much sadder. The full success of his leisurely, mournful pace also explains why Simon wisely shelved his own comparatively cheerful effort with Garfunkel:

Drake's performance, in turn, is studious and personal; he is trying to prove to himself that he's worthy to join the ranks of not just the quickly lost American, Frank, but also the full gamut of British performers who had the jump start on him, from the boy band ranks (Donovan, Cat Stevens, The Zombies) to the hersute bohemian ne'er do wells (John Renbourn, Richard Thompson, John Martyn) to the guys already living solidly on the astral plane (Heron/Williamson).

Clearly, the elegant Drake belonged in their club; indeed, once he took a deep breath and stuck out his comely head, he was everyone's better.

I don't know that Denny's take competes with Drake's or the original. But it's still damn good and it solidly serves its purpose: Denny sings this boy song boldly as a woman, and she presents it with her soon to be signature balance of power and grace.

Sandy dated Frank at the same point she privately laid down this track and Frank's other stone cold classic, Milk and Honey (a song that is worthy of its own future post). It seems as though Denny's dating decisions were not equal to her musical chops: she soon took a pass on the soon to be naked all the time Frank and shacked up with the world's tallest, most red-headed, dullard, Trevor Lucas.

Lucas, so far as we know, never donned a cape and charged around naked, so score one for Trevor. But he never wrote Sandy a good song, and Frank gave Denny two of them. What's more, Frank helped convince Sandy, during their time together, to quit nursing school and focus full time on music.

Good shot Jackson.

[moonbiscuitsims]

The Los Aniegos Vamps Part 1

Los Aniegos Vamps Part 2

It was about time I did something with my Sims 3 screenshots :) Here we have Charlotte Von Crimson, Viktor Caleb, and Omar Khalil.

Charlotte is the oldest vampire, having already lived over a century, she often hibernates and doesn't get a lot done, immortality has worn her thin and everyone she used to care about has long died, but she is starting to get inspired to follow her lost dreams of becoming an Author, the reason she originally moved to Los Aniegos from Austria in the first place, now that some younger vampires have shown her that immortality doesn't necessarily mean there is no purpose towards things.

Viktor, originally from Germany has been a vampire for around 40 years, frozen in his age he misses the 70's era when he aspired to become a rock musician in Los Aniegos before being attacked and turned one night out at (what he didn't know at the time was) a vampire bar. Viktor is grateful to Charlotte for showing him home in her secluded home in the middle of the lake, where they can safely be themselves. He contributes by making plenty of Plasma Fruit Nectar, which he learned about when he first got turned.

Finally we have our youngest vampire Omar Khalil, a man who moved to Los Aniegos from Egypt, Al Simhara to be exact, where he hoped to achieve his dreams of becoming a Celebrity Psychic (don't worry, it's definitely legit and not a scam...). It's only been about 18 years for him, but becoming a vampire from his perspective has been fantastic, he is loving the lifestyle and the security of knowing his time won't be running out anytime soon, though perhaps he should listen to Charlotte's warnings about making yourself too visible and bringing attention towards yourself as an immortal, soon someone is bound to notice you never age... It's probably better to keep on the down low. Viktor often wishes he could pursue his music, but knows it's risky to get recognised, so sticks to simply composing music anonymously for other musicians.

Los Aniegos is a fantastic FREE custom world for the Sims 3 which I highly recommend (DOWNLOAD HERE), inspired by Los Angeles. It is probably the most unlikely place I could have decided to make vampires due to its arid sub-desert climate but I liked the idea of vampires in Hollywood. Plus Charlotte over the many decades of her life has become quite good at Alchemy and has figured out a way to make Vampiric Sunscreen, allowing them to enjoy the Los Aniegos sun, only side effect is weird sparkles.

I'd love to give a cc list but quite frankly aside from NRAAS mods, Smooth Patch (Lazy Duchess), Sliders to get rid of Potato Sims, a few hairs CC and some conversions I honestly don't use that many, at least not that I feel are essential or that I really remember. Sims 3 is extremely customisable compared to all other sims games. Nearly all the effects and textures seen here are just from the game's create a style itself.

I definitely recommend all of Club Crimsyn Sims 3 content (here) especially for grungy, creepy or punky sims.

[boy-wonder-oncologist-fan]

Greetings from your secret Santa! 🎅🎄

Aw thank you for the warm welcome 🙂 it's nice chatting with you too 😊

Yes I felt that way about "Sing Sing Sing" too! (and I was today years old when I found out it was written by Louis Prima and not Benny Goodman)! Also love the song in that last dance scene: "Bei Mir Bist Du Schon".

And thank you, seeing your list of favorite artists, I think you have great music taste too! 👌 My favorite artists (from all decades and genres) include Paul McCartney, David Bowie, Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, Robert Palmer, Todd Rundgren, Marc Bolan, Beck, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, Madonna, Marvin Gaye, Sade Adu, George Michael, and Billy Joel. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone again, especially since I forgot to name The Monkees and The Jackson 5 in my list of bands!

As for Duran Duran I think there may have been a brief renaissance in the fandom when their latest album Future Past was about to be released and teased us with a couple singles. It was so exciting to hear new music from them and see them together again after the pandemic. Eventually some of those fans moved on to other interests (or just off Tumblr completely) but I did notice a handful of new fans crop up on here in their place.

Having learned of both your favorite bands and artists, I'm curious what influenced your music tastes? For me, it was my parents and older siblings. I was the much younger sibling, born when my parents were in their 40's. So my tastes go way back partly because of them.

No, I don't think you were that late in replying! It took me some time to respond, so no worries. 💙

Sorry for the very big delay in responding, college and my physical recovery weren't letting me breathe :"

And I didn't know that Benny Goodman hadn't written "Sing sing sing", thanks for letting me know :0

Also, that's a great list of artists, I'll check Sade Adu, thanks for the rec :)

About Duran Duran, it makes sense and I'm glad they're getting more recognition now (*I'll elaborate further) and I think it's a testament to the band the way that (like you said) is still getting new active fans all the time. * Having been part of music fandoms before, I saw they never seemed to take the band seriously and there was an overall very snobbish tone in the way they used to comment about them.

About your music influences, that makes sense and now I'm curious: What kind of music did your parents introduce you to? What about your siblings? Which artists that they used to listen to do you still listen to?

About the influences of my music taste: my parents are gen x and they had some cassettes, CDs and VCDs they would play at home (mainly rock and pop from the 80s/90s in English and Spanish); but I specifically remember a VCD with ABBA videos that I was absolutely obsessed with as a toddler. Later as an eighth year old I became fixated with 80s music and specially Queen because of some DVDs my parents brought home. It wasn't until I was a thirteen that we finally had internet connection at home so I started listening to much more music and could finally listen to songs in Queen's catalogue that weren't the more famous ones; that was a breaking point because I started to branch out into the main subgenres of rock and eventually discovered progressive rock (my favorite rock subgenre) and from that I got into metal and jazz, and more recently jazz has lead me to soul and classic hip hop but I'm still too much of a noob about those genres to articulate and opinion. (Sorry if this was too long, I just like talking about music 😬)

Also I hope the holidays treated you well and best wishes for the new year! :D

[monkberryfields]

hi mads, srs again!! sorry for dropping off the face of the earth! finals..... happened and then i lost all sense of time for a week 🙃 how did your finals go?? i hope your potato famine paper wasn't too unmanageable and that it was interesting to write. i ended up writing 7000 words for an original nature writing project bc i had wayyyy more to say than i anticipated lol. the music history thing is super cool too!! that's definitely been the most interesting part as i've gotten into classic rock: how music evolved over time, what influences changed the styles of music, and how artists influenced one another. in mike nesmith's autobiography, there's a bit about how jimi hendrix singlehandedly changed the entire rock scene and basically shook everything up the way the beatles had back in '63, and mike recalls a dinner at a restaurant where john lennon came rushing in out of breath and super late for the meal because he had been in a club watching hendrix perform and had recorded the performance and proceeded to play it in the restaurant bc it was so life-changing. it's so wild that there's these singular moments where things can change so suddenly, and people can remember decades later the moment they first heard the new style and how it made them feel.

do you have any fun plans now that you're on break? any fun traditions? i'm excited for a lot of the christmas baking! i've already made some gingerbread cuneiform tablets for my mom (she's a history teacher lol) so now i'm getting ready to do some real christmas cookies, maybe bake some small loaves of bread, and recreate some pastries that i used to love getting when i studied abroad! we're trying to go low-effort for christmas meals this year, so the desserts are really the only things that are going to be fancy lol.

travelling back to 60s london would be so much fun!! and your concert choices are a+, i saw stop making sense at the movie theater recently and it totally blew my mind, it would be amazing to be part of that crowd just having fun!!

i hope you're having a relaxing break so far and take some time for self-care!! christmas is just a few days away, so i hope you're having fun and feeling festive! 🎄🎆🎁☃

much love!!! -🦋

Hello Secret Santa! No worries!! I was hoping your finals went well and that you're alright!!

My finals went great! My professor was very impressed with the potato famine paper so it made me feel accomplished. Also, 7000 words is no joke!! That's awesome! We did our fair share of writing this semester, and we need to give ourselves a pat on the back for our hard work. What were some cool things about your nature writing project that you're proud of?

Yes!! That's the reason why I love classic rock so much is that it really did create the ways we listen to music today! Also, I love Jimi Hendrix so much. I think he was a true innovator. And I've never heard that story before between Mike and John about Jimi. I wonder if it correlates with the anecdote from Paul who went to see Jimi Hendrix days after Sgt. Pepper's was released and Jimi had learned to play it. I like how all these bands' and artists' histories sort of intertwine with each other. Super fascinating!!

Right now I have mainly been trying to watch the videos in my YouTube watch later playlist because I had over 300 videos (I know, I know...). I also am trying to read some books during the break because I know I will not be able to read them once the semester starts back up again. I'll also be trying to write a bit of my Master's thesis during the break which I'm nervous about.

My family isn't the type for traditions, but we do cook a huge Italian dinner for Christmas Eve. I've also baked up a storm with a lot of premade cookie dough. One Christmas, I would like to try and bake everything from scratch because I know I can bake, I just don't have much time to. Also, the cuneiform gingerbread tablets sound so cool!! I bet that was fun to do. I haven't baked bread in a while, but I feel like I should get back into it. I know how to make the big Italian bread loaves, but I really want to try to make sourdough. I just need a starter. Desserts are always fun to get fancy with. I baked some nice pies for Thanksgiving this year that were pretty fancy! What are some of your favorite desserts to bake? Also, where did you study abroad?? I've always wanted to do that, but the pandemic happened unfortunately.

My wishes are the same to you! Everyone deserves a relaxing break and time to themselves to practice self-care. I definitely have, and it's been great! I'm trying to get in the festive mood and I hope you're having a great time with your family this holiday!! :)) Is there anything you're anticipating gift-wise?

[kim-seung-mo]

Hello! Idk if the reqiest i sent before reached you but can i request skz when you're scared that they might leave you one day? Like you're afraid that they might die first or something happen to him or they as for break up. I'm sorry if you had read the other one i sent

𝕐𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕄𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕐𝕠𝕦

or...stray kids reacting to when you're scared that they might leave you one day

♩ g/n!reader, hurt and comfort, angst and fluff kinda, reader crying, actually a lot of crying

♩♩ word count: 1.9k

♩♩♩ A/N: finally managed to get something out oml

prompt list here (or you can request ur own)

Chan

You knew Chan loved you very much, you knew he would never betray you or hurt you.

But every time you thought about him leaving you one day, you couldn't help but feel hurt and scared.

It was perhaps a blessed fear, that you would never be as happy as you are now if he left you, that you wouldn't know how to go on living if one day he wasn't there anymore.

"Why must you think of that sort of thing? Honey, we have decades ahead of us. You're never going to be happy if you keep thinking about things like that."

Chan cupped your face and gently wiped the tears from the corners of your eyes with his thumbs, a slight upturn in the corners of his lips.

"Look, I'm right here, in front of your eyes, not going anywhere."

He wrapped his arms around your head and rested it on his shoulder, smoothing your hair along, rocking his body gently, taking you with him as he swayed back and forth.

He was willing to remind you every day, if you needed it, that he wasn't going anywhere, that he was always right there with you.

He'd do his best to give you the security you need so that you never have to be in such distress.

Minho

"What, are you afraid I'll find someone else?"

The first time he heard you say you were afraid he would leave you, he didn't take your words too seriously, thinking it was just a bit ridiculous.

After all, to him, it was something that simply would never happen.

But when he saw that you seemed genuinely troubled by the matter, he changed his attitude.

"Don't worry, I'm already yours, I'm not going anywhere."

He hugged you from behind and whispered in a rare gentle tone in your ear.

If you were still worried, there was nothing he could do but shake his head each time, then take your hand and pull you into his arms, leaving a kiss on your forehead and telling you "you're overthinking it".

He knew that parting was inevitable, after all, life was a constant parting, and that he was unable to stop it no matter what.

But the kind of separation you were worried about was absolutely out of the question. That much he could still assure you of.

"What would it take to convince you of my love for you? Would ten kisses a day be enough?"

Changbin

Changbin would spend hours talking with you, explaining to you "how to accept separation".

But at the end of every conversation, he would hold you and tell you that although you would inevitably be separated one day, that wasn't now.

Now you were in his arms, listening to his strong heartbeat, his slow, steady breathing, feeling his warmth.

If you were worried because you didn't think you were good enough, then every day that follows he would keep telling you how perfect you are in his heart and how much he loves you.

If the reason for your worry was because of him, then he would try to change himself and keep communicating with you to see what he could do to make you more willing to trust him.

"Then we should leave more of ourselves in the world so that even if one of us is gone one day, the other one can always remember how much that person used to love you."

The way he did this was by writing songs, songs for you that you've heard, songs that you haven't heard, for you, countless love songs, he couldn't remember how many of them he had written.

Whenever you were sad and upset, he would pull out his headphones for you to put on and for a while fall into a world of music, listening to his voice and the lyrics he wrote for you, forgetting all your troubles.

He would look at you with affection and love in his eyes every time.

Hyunjin

You were both sensitive and reluctant to speak up directly about your problems.

Your worries and anxieties kept to yourself and slowly built up.

You feared losing him, so you tried to reduce the chances of him leaving as much as possible.

You never dared to say anything back to him during a fight, even if you were upset.

But in his eyes, the way you refrained from expressing your opinion in this way translated into: you didn't care about him.

You didn't even want to tell him why you were upset, telling him every time that "it's okay, it's my problem".

You thought you were saving your relationship by acting this way, but you didn't know that this attitude was what was driving him away from you.

"You don't care about me at all, do you?"

You felt like your world had paused when you heard him say this.

"How could you think that? How could I not care about you?" You couldn't believe your ears.

"But you never talk to me about any of your troubles, never express your opinions, you act as if you're tired and fed up with me."

"That's because!" You gritted your teeth, not knowing whether to tell the truth or not.

"Because of what?"

"Because I'm… I was afraid that if I said something to upset you, you'd leave me……"

He was about to question you, but after seeing your tears, all his words were choked in his throat.

"Is the love between us that fragile? How am I supposed to get closer to you if you don't tell me what you really think?"

Finally after a long silence, Hyunjin spoke up.

It was as if only after that day did the two of you truly reveal your hearts to each other in their entirety.

Jisung

"What are you talking about, how could something like that ever happen?"

He said so, but in fact he had simulated countless scenarios in his mind of you leaving him.

He was an insecure person too, and desperately needed the comfort of his lover to reassure him that they were never going to be apart.

So when he heard that you were in the same trouble as he was, he was actually slightly relieved in a way.

At least he wasn't alone in worrying about this kind of problem, the kind he had previously thought was childish and silly.

"But… To be 120% sure we won't be separated, you'll have to promise me that we'll stay together even if we die."

You laughed at his words, but you could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't seem to be joking.

Because of the fear of being apart, the two of you would stay even closer to each other and would be together 24/7.

Not just when you were alone, but also when you were outside, he made sure to keep his fingers intertwined with yours, staying at least in your line of sight and never leaving you more than three meters away.

"That will guarantee that we'll always be together, right?"

Felix

He'd ask you why you thought that, if there was something he wasn't doing well enough to make you feel insecure like that.

Seeing that look on his face, you instantly start to regret saying such things to him.

But he shook his head and said he was happy that you were willing to share your concerns with him.

You said you still couldn't believe you were that lucky to have a boyfriend as perfect as he was. So it was only a matter of time before he would leave, for whatever reason.

A sad look crossed his face and the corners of his eyes began to redden, tears starting to fall unstoppably after you had finished. Shaking his head as he cries, he reached out and wrapped his arms around your neck, trying hard not to sob on your shoulder.

"If it's as you say, then won't I be even more scared than you are? You loving me like this, being so gentle with me, getting me used to the amount of love you give me, making me so happy…… If one day you were gone, or if I were gone, I couldn't even imagine that kind of day……"

What started out as just you wanting to talk to him about your troubles ended up with the two of you hugging and crying together all night.

But even though you were scared, you both knew very well that you were lucky in a sense to have such troubles.

Seungmin

"Minnie, what would you do if I died one day?"

Because you had absolutely no idea of the answer to that question, of what you would do if Seungmin was gone, it crossed your mind to ask him what he would do if it were him, in the face of your being gone or you dying.

"What nonsense are you talking about? Why are you thinking about things like that?"

He put his phone down and looked over at you, his brow a little furrowed in a rare and very serious way.

You walked over to him and sat down, pressing your lips together, unsure of how to explain it to him.

"I mean… If, just a hypothetical."

"I don't want to think about that kind of thing, why give myself a hard time? Aren't you right in front of me? The living, breathing, talking you."

He took your hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it gently.

"What are you doing thinking about things that will only happen in the distant future, instead of cherishing the present? Don't you think it's not worth it to keep worrying about that kind of thing and neglecting the happiness you have in front of you?"

"It's because we don't know which day we'll suddenly part that we have to cherish the present moment even more, isn't it? Let's not think about that kind of thing, I've finally got a day off, why don't we just lie on the sofa and watch TV, don't you think?"

You were completely convinced by his words.

Jeongin

"So, what then? What should I do to make you not be scared?"

He really wanted to know and didn't want to see your heartbroken face. For that reason, he was willing to do whatever you wanted him to do.

"I can promise I'll never ever ask to break up with you! If we have to break up… It would definitely be you who mentions it first…… But anything else, I can't promise…… Is that enough? I, I'm also afraid and don't want to be separated from you……"

Listening to him speak to you with such truth and sincerity, even if you had more worries, you put them all behind you.

You took his hand in yours and shook your head, "I can try to accept…… The separation that comes with death. As long as we can be together for as long as we both can, I believe our happiness can outweigh the pain that comes with separation."

You left a kiss on the tip of his nose, smiling at his slightly wrinkled nose that looked so cute.

How could you possibly leave Jeongin, who was so lovely, so precious and loving, when you only felt that you didn't love him enough? Absolutely not. Not in the next lifetime.

"For sure, we will be the happiest of couples. If it's with you, I'm sure that will be the case."

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

If you still haven't reached ur 25 requests limit, can I ask for the brothers hanging out with MC at a party when an old flame (of the brothers) approaches them and they get overly comfortable with them but because their old flame is drunk and they don't want to seem rude in front of everyone they tolerate them for most the night until it's time to go home and their old flame insists on the brothers escorting them home, and they feel like they can't say bc they are drunk, so the brothers walk them home and as they walk back to the house of Lamentation they call MC to apologize for the night and let them know nothing happened between them and their old flame when they took them home but MC seems unbothered by it and replies "you don't have to explain yourself to me, after all we're just friends and you're free to do whatever you want." Genuinely unbothered, but the brothers are because they thought they were dating considering they've been on a lot of dates as of recently and expected MC to sound jealous, so they basically tell MC that they are dating and MC is like "you never formally established our relationship, and if you want to be my s/o you're going to have to ask me to my face." How would they handle the situation? I hope it made sense... I know my request is pretty long just to get that out but I hope it okay! Good luck!

I don’t even know what to title this so uhhhh… 

Brothers When MC Doesn’t Think They’re Dating but the brothers think they are dating and… we’ll just jump right in alright here we go 

These got really long so... under the cut! 

Lucifer 

He didn’t expect to see them there, it had been so long he barely even remembered them until they came up to him. It had been decades… centuries even since he had seen the person, but when they came up to him he could tell they were visibly drunk. Now, Lucifer was an asshole, sure, but he couldn’t be rude to them, especially when everyone was watching him. He grinned and beared it, even when they were clinging to his arm, he didn’t brush them off. You weren’t around when it was time to leave and he thought that maybe you had just gone to the bathroom or something until his brothers told him that you had left a while ago. All he wanted to do was go back to the house and explain to you what had happened, but of course his ex would practically beg him to walk them home. He made it quick, making sure they got back to where they needed to be before zapping himself back to the House of Lamentation, making his way up to your room and knocking on the door and slowly opening it, seeing that you were already in bed. “That person… they weren’t-” You cut him off, laughing softly as you rolled your eyes at him. “You can do whatever you want, Lucifer. It’s not like we’re a thing.” He was confused, shocked even. The two of you weren’t a thing? “Of course we are.” You pushed yourself off the bed, walking over to him, staring him in the eye as you folded your arms across your chest. “If you really want to be with me, then you’re going to have to say it, not just assume it.” He smirked, grabbing your hands and holding them tightly in his own, his eyes serious as he stared deep into yours. 

“Darling, would you, officially, be mine?” 

Mammon 

Getting you to go to the party was something that he was immensely proud of. He had promised to stay by you the entire time, and he had stayed true to his word. Honestly, he didn’t want you to leave his side at all, he was always worried that your attention would sway from him, so he tried to keep you focused on himself. What he wasn’t expecting was for someone to grab his attention, not just his attention, but they physically grabbed him, pulling him away from you. He wasn’t like Lucifer, and he had his fair share of exes and flings, so it took him a while to remember who exactly they were. Their lingering lips against his neck sent the memory coursing through his brain, and he quickly pulled back with a flushed face. He didn’t want to be rude, but he also didn’t want to upset you. It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, he didn’t have it in him to actually be rude, so he put up with them, allowing them to drunkenly follow him around the party as he looked for you. “Oi, where ya goin’?” You were already heading out the door, not only that, but you were still smiling. Were you not upset at all that his ex was hanging all over him? That didn’t make any sense. When they asked for him to walk him home, he reluctantly obliged, he still had an image to keep up with the public, but the entire time his mind was on you. As soon as he dropped them off, he started racing back to the house, pulling out his phone to call you. “Y/N. Why’d ya leave early? I swear, they mean nothin’ tah me. Yer the only one for me, ya know that, right?” Of course, that wasn’t the only reason he called, he also wanted to make sure that you made it back to the house in general. He would have hated himself if anything happened to you. But he also needed you to know that there was nothing going on. “Oh… okay? I just went back to study, it was getting late. I didn’t care.” He froze up, his heart sinking a little. “Whadda ya mean ya don’t care? We’re datin’, right?” Please say yes. All he wanted to hear was a simple yes, to validate his own thoughts and his feelings. “Uhm… no? You never said that we were.” You were right, he hadn’t. He didn’t waste any time, quickly sprinting back to the house and barging through your bedroom door and pulling you from your chair into his arms. 

“Yer the only one I wanna be with, I want to be with ya all the time… whadda ya say?”

Leviathan 

Parties weren’t his thing. Leaving his room wasn’t his thing, and if he had it his way he would just stay in his room all day with you. As life would have it though, Asmo had invited everyone in the house to a giant party the Levi didn’t even know what it was for. He was practically dragged out of the house, and the only reason he even allowed himself to be dragged out was because you were going. You looked amazing and he didn’t want anyone else looking at you, so he kept you close, his arm wrapped around you tightly as he moved you through the crowds, making sure that no one else even touched you. He heard his name, drunkenly called out from across the room and he tried to ignore it, smiling softly down at you, hoping that you weren’t mad at him. Then he felt something, someone, wrap their arms around him, causing you to pull away. “W-Wait, Y/N!” He tried to call out to you, but the music was so loud and you had already walked away. He finally looked down, realizing who the person was immediately and wanting nothing more than to grab you up and run back to the house, but he couldn’t. Lucifer would scold him for being rude, and he really didn’t want to deal with that, so he put up with it, putting on a fake smile all while internally screaming because you weren’t right there next to him. He was already irritated that he had to come out in the first place, you had gone off somewhere and he didn’t even know where you were at this point, and now his ex was asking him to walk them home. Of course, the one person that he’s been with within the last eon would be at the party too. He couldn’t say no though, it would cause an unwanted and unneeded altercation. He made it quick, pulling out his phone before even saying bye to them so he could call you. “Y/N… a-are you mad at me? Did you already go home? Are you alright?” He could barely even get the words out, he was worried and upset with himself for even letting this happen. He should have just stayed home, he should have just kept you there with him. “Why would I be mad, Levi? I’m fine. I’m about to go to bed.” Fine? You were fine? How could you be fine? Were you not even slightly jealous? Sure, you had no reason to be, but he would have been jealous if what had happened to him happened to you. “Well I… I just thought that… since we… you know… we’re… you’re my... “ He heard you laugh on the other line and almost died. “Oh… am I? Are we? You never told me that.” He didn’t know he actually had to tell you, he thought that he showed it enough. The rest of the way home he thought of how he would tell you, his heart racing so fast that it felt like it was going to burst through his chest at any moment. He felt like an idiot, an absolute fool for assuming that the two of you were already dating. He had to set things straight though, he needed you to be his. He walked into your room, his face already burning bright red as he sat on the edge of your bed, too nervous to even look at you as he spoke the words. 

“I-I really like you… Y/N… and… I want us to be… t-together….” 

Asmodeus

Of course he was going to the party. He didn’t really mind if you went or not, but he wanted you to go so he could show you off. He had been telling all of his friends about you and they all wanted to see you, so when you agreed to go to the party he was beyond excited. “This is going to be SO fun, Y/N! You’re going to love it!” The party itself was honestly just a bunch of people at a club, and you weren’t sure if there was even an occasion for celebrating, but everyone seemed to be having a good time. His hands were on you the entire time, moving his body against yours to the rhythm of the music, and you were pretty sure that this was as close to sex as two people could get in public with their clothes on. The loud squeal rang in your ear from behind him and then you felt the force of someone running at him, pushing the both of you forward as their arms wrapped around him. He didn’t seem fazed by it, he kept his hands on you as he turned around, giving this person his famous Asmo smile as they pushed themselves closer to him, their lips trying so desperately to land on any visible skin which he quickly dodged each and every time. You quickly moved out of his hold and nodded to him. “I’ll be heading home now. Clubs aren’t really my thing. I’ll see you back at the house.” He turned to you, still dodging kisses and politely swatting away their lingering hands. He was trying to find any type of hidden emotion, maybe jealousy, anger, something that would show him that you were possibly upset by the way this other demon was hanging on him. There was nothing, and he assumed that maybe you were just trying to be polite. His eyes followed your form as you moved through the crowds of people, watching as you walked out of the club, walked away from him. At that point he didn’t even want to be there anymore which felt kind of strange to even him. It just wasn’t fun without you there, he felt no need to even be out. What was even more strange was when he actually decided that he wanted to go home, he wanted to be with you. He nodded to his ex, who wasn’t even really an ex, more like a one night stand, trying his best to be polite as he shrugged them off, only to feel them basically tackle him again. They wanted him to walk them home, of course they did, and he was forcing a smile now, quickly leading them out of the club and back to their place. He pulled out his phone, expecting a text from you, but for once, his phone had no notifications at all. He sighed heavily, making his way back to the house to talk to you. This wasn’t a conversation to have on the phone, he needed you to know what had happened, or more like, what hadn’t happened. “Y/N, are you asleep already?” He hoped not, and he let out a breath of relief when he heard your voice from behind the door, quickly opening it and walking in to sit next to you on the bed, smiling proudly when he saw that you were in the process of doing your night time skin treatment. “I know what you’re thinking, but, I promise, pinky promise even, that I did nothing with them.” You looked up at him, laughing quietly before shaking your head. “That’s not what I was thinking at all. I wouldn’t have cared, you do you Asmo.” You went back to rubbing the lotion over your legs, still laughing to yourself, but he didn’t think this was funny at all. He didn’t even know what could have been funny. “Wait. Am I missing something? Did we break up? I don’t remember…” You looked at him, your eyebrows raised and your eyes wide, trying to hold back from laughing even harder. “We were… never together?” His mouth fell open, did you really not know that the two of you were dating? He tried to remember asking you out, but he realized that he never actually did it. He takes a deep breath, finally letting out a small giggle as he places his hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly. 

“We’re together now, Y/N. There we go! That’s better, isn’t it? You have nothing to be worried about. I’m all yours!” 

Satan 

Why he agreed to go to a party was beyond him. Someone must have asked while he was reading and he only agreed to shut them up, that had to be it, because he wasn’t having a good time, at all. The only thing, the only person really, that was keeping him from leaving already, was you. You seemed to be having a good time, and he liked seeing you happy, it made him happy as well. He was about to make his way across the floor to you, getting slightly antsy when he saw two demons come up to you and start talking, and, even though you didn’t seem scared or even bothered by it, he was. The voice, he knew it, and it made him physically cringe when he heard it, hoping that maybe they’d leave him alone, but he could hear that they were drunk and he knew they were coming right at him. Due to him being the Avatar of Wrath, many would think that he would have just blown them off, not really worrying about public image, but it was quite the contrary. Sure, he was annoyed, irritated, and the paper thin shred of patience that he had in the first place had finally completely disappeared, but he was very good at keeping his composure in situations like this. Plus, they were drunk so it would be useless and a waste of his energy to push them away, they’d just come right back to him. His eyes were trained on you the entire time though, and he wanted you to know that nothing was going on. The last thing he needed was an argument over this, so he pointed to the person before twirling his finger next to his temple, basically signing to you from across the room that they were drunk and crazy. Big brain Satan at work. What he wasn’t expecting was for you to give him a thumbs up, visibly laughing before pointing to your wrist and mouthing to him that you were going home. Why were you leaving? Were you upset? He tried to move away from his ex, but they moved with him and he was getting slightly jittery, wanting to follow you and make sure that you weren’t mad at him. “I have to go now.” He said sternly, but then they asked to be walked home and he couldn’t just say no. Well, he could have, but then he’d seem like a bad person and he didn’t want you to think that he was like that. He made it quick, not wasting a second before pulling out his phone and dialing your number, not even waiting for you to speak before he began talking. “You left early. Are you upset with me? I assure you, there was nothing between them and I. I just had to walk them home.” There was silence from your side for a couple seconds before you responded. “I was tired. I don’t know why you’re explaining yourself to me. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. I gotta go to bed now, see you in the morning.” You hung up the phone and he didn’t even know what to think, he wouldn’t have known what to say if you stayed on the line. He got back to the house, going straight to your room and turning on your lights, not really caring that you were already sleeping or that you seemed pissed at the intrusion. “What did you mean when you said we’re not dating? I thought we were. I took you on those dates to the library and the cafe…” He was honestly so confused. Were you using him? He wouldn’t allow that. You rolled your eyes, letting your head fall back on the pillow, groaning quietly. “You never asked, Satan. Assuming doesn’t count.” You were right… he hadn’t asked, but he wasn’t going to waste another second. 

“Y/N, I want you to be with me. My life without you would be like an empty book, all paper and no writing. Do you want to be with me?” 

Beelzebub 

The game had been won, it called for celebration. He was the star player, of course, so that made him the most sought out person in the room. Everyone was hanging on him, circling around him like bees around their hive, and he wasn’t bothered by it, apparently it was normal. He spotted you in the crowd, trying to shimmy through everyone and make your way to him. He excitedly waved to you, trying to meet you somewhere in the middle so you didn’t get trampled on, you looked so small in the sea of people, but he was so happy to see you, and you were the only person he was looking for. He was almost there, just a few more steps and he’d be able to grab you and hug you, and that only made him more excited as well as impatient. He wasn’t expecting for one of the cheerleaders to jump in front of him, not just that, but jump into his arms as well. He instinctively caught them, but once he realized what was going on he looked back to you. His mouth hung open as his mind went through what you might be thinking, but you only smiled, shaking your head and turning back around. Were you crying? He felt awful, terrible. This isn’t what he wanted at all. He wanted to celebrate his big win with you. “I’m sorry, I need to get back home. I’m pretty tired.” He spoke softly to them, setting them down on the ground, catching them before they could stumble over. Of course they were drunk. He didn’t have the heart to leave them alone, not when they weren’t in the right state of mind, but he also didn’t want you to go back home and assume that he was doing anything behind your back. The cheerleader had been an ex of his, and it only made the entire situation seem even worse in his mind, his thoughts were eating away at him. He needed to get home, but he couldn’t leave his ex there, not when they were drunk, someone might take advantage of them, and no one deserves that. “I’m taking you home, alright?” They didn’t even have to ask, he was going home and so were they, and then he would set things straight with you. He dropped them off, making sure they got into their house before sprinting, literally sprinting, back to the house. He knew he would make it there in a matter of minutes, but he didn’t want you to wait that long, so he grabbed his phone from his pocket and called you. “Hey Beel. How’s the party going?” You seemed so calm, which both made him happy and confused at the same time. He’s glad that you’re not upset but… shouldn’t you be just a little bothered that there was another person in his arms? “I’m actually on my way home right now. I didn’t want to be there if you weren’t there too. I wanted to celebrate with my (boy/girl)friend…” He heard the fridge close on your end and then the sound of a chair scraping across the floor before you started talking. “Oh? Who’s that? Was that the person you were holding?” What? Now he was more confused. Were you joking? He didn’t really think it was funny, it actually made him sad. “No…? You are. Aren’t you?” Silence, the silence was the worst part for him. Why were you hesitating? It was a simple question. Yes or no. “I didn’t know it if I was. You never said anything about it. If that’s what you want, I’d like it if you asked straight to my face though.” He ran through the front door, going straight to where you sat in the kitchen, a big smile on his face as soon as he saw you. 

“I’m sorry for not asking, Y/N. Would you like to go out with me?” 

Belphegor 

The fact that he actually got out of bed to go to a party is wild, but once he got there he dragged you to the comfiest surface and laid his head on your lap and somehow managed to fall asleep, even with all the commotion going on around him. “Belphie, I have to use the bathroom.” Not just that, but your legs were falling asleep and you needed to stretch them for a second. He hesitantly lifted his head from your legs, whining quietly because now he was awake and you were leaving. He watched you make your way to the bathroom, making sure you got there without anyone stopping you or talking to you or even looking at you in general. The seat shifted next to him and he side eyed the person, letting out a disgusted groan when he realized who it was. He scooted over a little, trying to get away from them, but they only scooted closer. When you came back from the bathroom he was about to tell you that he didn’t know that person at all, even though they were touching all over him and saying his name, he didn’t know them. He thought you’d be upset, he sure as hell would have been if he came back and saw that, but you only nodded, smiling to the person and then to him. “Cool, you have company. I’m gonna go dance for a bit.” Hold up… that was… that’s not what he wanted. That was the complete opposite of what he wanted. “No no no no!” You were already too far to hear him, he didn’t like that at all, so he moved across the floor until he reached you, becoming more and more annoyed when the person followed behind him. They were like a leach, and he wanted nothing more than to tell them to get away but he didn’t want to cause a scene, not right now at least. “They won’t leave me alone…” He tried to whisper to you, but you only laughed, shaking your head. “You’re going home? I… I can’t hear you!” He heard you clearly though, and he quickly nodded, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the exit. He looked behind him, hoping that the person had been left behind and he’d be able to just go home and fall asleep with you. He almost jumped when he saw the person, not only that, but they were really close. Their speech was slurred and their breath smelt of Demonus as they asked him to walk them home. “Fine. Y/N, are you coming?” Please say yes, please say yes. You looked at him as if he was crazy, snorting quietly and shaking your head. “No thank you. I’m not into that.” You went the other direction, walking back towards the House of Lamentation as his ex dragged him down the street. It took him a bit to figure out what you meant, but about a block away from their house it finally hit him. He pulled his hand away from them, groaning even louder now as he pulled out his phone, calling you quickly as he walked faster, wanting nothing more than to get back to you. He heard you pick up, the sound of your breathing in his ear let him know that you were about to speak, but he wouldn’t let you, not before he said what he needed to say. “I just need you to know that I’m not cheating. I would never do that.” He saw their house coming up, practically pushing them towards it as he turned around, waiting for your response. “Oh… Well that’s… it’s not cheating, Belphie. We’re just friends.” He pulled his phone away from his ear for a second, giving himself a second to let what you said sink in. “Uhm, no we’re not. You’re mine, obviously.” “Yeah, no… you can’t just say that over the phone. You’re gonna have to come back and tell me that.” He hung up, making his way back to the house and storming into your room, pulling you out of your bed and dragging you up to the attic. 

“You’re mine, Y/N. Only mine… okay?”

[oikaw-ugh]

Pianist. (Oikawa fic)

pianist!Oikawa, aged up characters, slowburn (?), Oikawa x reader

Mainly inspired by the piano shop I always pass by whenever i went home back when I was still in junior high. They always had this high school pianist playing one of their displayed piano every 4-5 in the afternoon. I never saw his face which disappoints me :(

He once played the piano with someone, too! And he played it with a kid too

When the familiar bakery that you used to drop by every time you walk home after school announced the shutting down of their operations, you didn't mind.

And when you learned that a piano shop would replace the bakery, you didn't mind either.

But when you saw a young boy, with his back facing yours, gliding their fingers along the keys of the black piano of the piano shop, you kind of got curious.

It was a warm afternoon. The sky is painted with an orange hue and the streets were not as busy as they usually are. A perfect afternoon, you hummed as you walk along the streets towards the bus terminal.

It was quiet not until faint piano keys kissed your ears.

Your steps went into a halt and looking to your right, you see a young boy, with his back facing yours, gliding their fingers along the keys of the black piano of the newly opened piano shop.

The music was faint and so, this made you crave for more. Tiny steps were made and before you knew it, your hands are pressed at the glass that separated you from the peculiar pianist.

His head wobbled every time his fingers reached for the keys, his brunette hair bouncing along. You were able to glimpse with the outline of his lashes and the tip of his nose whenever he looked from side to side.

His fingers are notable, too. They look long and soft from your view. And the way they danced along the surface of the piano made your jaw drop in awe. It's as if the piano was a part of him and his hands expertly rummaged along the keys.

"Are you interested to play?"

You look to your left and is startled to see a woman standing in front of you. With the color of her shirt mimicking the color of the piano shop's exterior, you knew she worked there.

You look at the glass wall again and gasped as the mysterious pianist is now looking at you. His upper body facing towards you, his eyes gleaming with the strikes of the glass wall. His skin had a soft orange glow with the sunset light. His brows were lifted as he stared at you in the eye.

You were embarrassed. You bashfully ran away.

It was an experience you wish both parties forgot. And it took you long to recover from the shy.

Your hands clutched tight on the strap of your bag as you stopped at the familiar piano shop.

You turn to the glass wall, breathing hitched and heart raising. The thought of him remembering how embarrassing you were that day made your stomach upset but nonetheless, you took your shot.

You looked at the glass wall and there he was.

His back, once again, facing yours. His body slightly dancing as his hands expertly pressed the right keys to press. You were allowed to see a glimpse of his smirk from time to time whenever his head tilted sideways.

And just with that, the nervousness vanished. Replaced by a warm fuzzy feeling as you stare at the mysterious brunette playing on the black instrument.

The doors are closed so you weren't given a taste of his music. You pouted as the tip of your finger pressed the glass wall. What could he be playing? A question you'd probably never get the answer.

I guess that's enough for now. With a smile, you looked away and proceeded to walking.

This happened the next few weeks after. Walking towards the terminal, you'd stop by at the shop. A five minute glance on his back swaying as he played, you'd proceed to walking with a satisfied grin.

This was more than enough. Or so you thought.

Hailing a cab could've been easier but you refuse to skip your daily afternoon ritual. You must stop by at the shop.

So, despite the heavy rain and with your school uniform as the only thing that is keeping you from getting entirely wet, you went towards the shop.

You cursed along the way as you've suffered from the puddles of water and the splashes of collected rain from reckless drivers as you walked. Curse this rain.

A sense of relief washed your body as you sought refuge at the roof of the piano shop. You gripped the ends of your cold skirt tight, your lips shivering as droplets of water fell from your crumpled skirt.

You combed through your wet hair in the attempts of fixing yourself. Feeling satisfied, you look towards the glass wall.

Though the rain was hard and the air was cold, you had the warmest smile on your face as your expectant eye scanned the interior of the shop, your wet hand wiping the fog of the wall.

And when you spotted him, the smile on your face surprisingly disappeared as you realized he isn't alone like the usual. He is with someone.

The fog isn't enough to conceal how the mysterious pianist is now warm from the cold. His neck hugged by a warm-looking scarf. And his hands, surprisingly, are not attending the keys as his left held a mug and his other held the hands of the person beside him.

The ray of hope vanished as you see them in front of you. The way his hands fondled the fingers of those beside him made you scowl. But when he lifted their head, kissing their knuckles as his eyes never left their face, the scowl faded.

It turned to a frown. Then the frown went blank.

Your hands slowly dropped from being glued to the glass wall. You blinked as droplets of rain are threatening to intrude in your eyes. You turned your back, now facing the almost floody street.

God. You just want to go home.

The next day, you fell sick. And no words can express how grateful you were that you had an excuse to not drop by at the shop.

The next week, you avoided the shop still. But it wasn't because you still had the fever. It was because your heart felt sick.

The next-next week, you received a confession from an admirer. You were skeptical.

"Are you seeing someone?" They asked.

The pianist. The back of your mind screamed. But you are no delusional so you shook your head.

"Then let's go out together," your admirer concluded.

Days spent together with your admirer was like eating an affordable cake. It was unsurprisingly dry. But still, you want more of it just to satiate your hunger at least.

When your lover asked to walk you home, you hesitated. But nonetheless, you let them tag along with you.

Your heart ramming wild as you see the familiar signage of the shop. Block of unknown forces at your throat as your stomach churned.

You flinched when your lover held you at your waist. You looked to your left.

The mysterious pianist was alone. Unlike when you last saw him, his body rocked back and forth slowly. His fingers were dragging along the keys and you don't get to see the wobbling of his head.

His shoulders were slouched. He looks sad and this made you worry. Is he okay?

You wanted to step closer and to reach for him but before you could even lift your foot, the force of your lover dragged you away from the outside of the shop.

You cursed your lover. No. It wasn't just because of that incident.

Like an affordable cake, it eventually dried your throat, making you feel suffocated and sick. The affordability could not compensate with the disgust that you are now feeling.

You want out but your lover begs to disagree so you walked away.

Your heart heavy, ears hot, and with your tears threatening to fall with every stomp, you marched the route towards your terminal. Exhaling from time to time with the overwhelming disappointment and anger.

None could uplift your anger. Not even the mysterious pianist.

Without even noticing, you are now in front of the piano shop. Looking to your right, you see the brunette seating at the stool. But what is weird is that the piano case is closed and his hands are attending to papers rather than the keys.

You exhaled through your nose before walking again.

You grew.

You'd like to think you did.

You grew wiser after that horrible experience of 'love'. You didn't try entering into one again. Not when you're feeling half-assed.

Today, you walked towards the terminal. And today, you decided to drop by at the piano shop.

There he was at the spot where you always see him before.

He wore something casual today. Wearing only a simple black shirt, for the very first time, you are given the chance to see his bare arms. They weren't muscular but they weren't skinny either. Slightly honed but not too much that they'd look odd.

You lift your gaze and you see his nape, making you blush as it felt like watching him naked.

A smile creeps into your lips as your hands run through the glass wall.

And just like how you were when you were younger, you proceeded to walking. Feeling satisfied with this less than a minute interaction.

Change is inevitable.

You zipped your case as you stood from kneeling on the floor. You dragged the suitcase along with you as walked out from the house you've considered as home for the past decade and a couple of years.

It was inside of the hailed cab when it dawned to you. You're leaving and you're never coming back. The gentle touch of your mother nor the hearty chortle of your father could not console your weeping heart.

You will never see your friends again. Or the familiar streets you have been walking. Or the familiar faces of your neighbors.

You will never see the pianist again on your way home.

You closed your eyes tight. You never had the chance to know his name. It's...the end. It's gone.

You open your eyes wide this time.

A funny grin at your lips as you winced with the embarrassment of such memory.

Seasoned by trials and struggles in life, you're the wisest version of yourself. A chuckle escaping your lips as you remember how you felt so hopeless when you had to move away.

Well, if you really missed it then I guess we're back.

Your hands embraced your arms, wary of the surroundings. Funny how you whined about these streets as your home and here you are now, feeling foreign and unfamiliar as you revisit it after years have passed.

It doesn't feel nostalgic. At all.

Well, maybe a little.

Your feet unconsciously lead you towards a familiar shop. A particular shop you loved to drop by whenever you were on your way home.

With the years that passed by, the shop grew old. No longer was the pasted tarpaulins vibrant in color. The little plants that served as tiny barricades in front are now gone. Even the grand piano displays are now different in brand and color. You don't even see the same lady who asked you the very first time you went here.

This isn't the shop you used to love.

You run your fingers on the glass wall, creating a screeching sound as friction stood in the middle of your skin and the glass. Your eyes darting at the grandest piano at the center, unattended.

If this was before, the familiar pianist could've been sitting there, his back facing yours as his body rocked lightly with the dance of his hands. Instead, you see an 8-year old boy and his poor attempts of sitting at the high stool, finding the task difficult as his hands are attending his thick music notes.

You furrowed your brows. An 8-year old what?

Your face went near the glass, blinking as you try to recheck if your eyes were playing tricks. But they aren't. You indeed are seeing an 8-year old boy now comfortably sitting at the stool.

And just when your brain is starting to formulate questions, you feel a presence beside you. This made you stand straight as you look at the direction where the presence is from.

You froze. And he did, too. The pianist did, too.

It has been so long when you last saw him. Not to mention, the only time you were able to see his face was when you were flustered from the lady's question. It has been so long you actually forgot how he looks like. It's just you chose to linger with the memory blindly.

But now, here he is. The mysterious pianist. His air of mystery finally stripping away as you have finally, after all these years, see his bare face. And this time, clearer.

His brunette hair is not as long as they did back then. It is still fluffy-looking but it is shorter in length. His eyes are round and they are the same color with his hair. You exhaled in awe as your eyes traveled to his pointy nose and thin lips, then to his other noteable features like his sunburned cheeks and the faint stubble on his jaw.

You blinked. He looks beautiful.

"I'm sorry, I startled you," he spoke and your heart beated violently. His voice is deep, something you expected. What you didn't expect is how it made your heart flutter and your ears craving.

You couldn't respond. Your mind is a mess. Your thoughts tangled like a kitten's yarn. Your mouth freezing in place as your tongue poorly tried to roll out words.

"Are you...interested to play?" He asked when he received no respond from you.

You closed your mouth, eyes glued at his but this time, you are calmer. Though it contrasts how your hands are pathetically clinging to one another as your toes curled inside your shoes, you are calm. Yes, you are.

Slowly, your shock faltered, a small smile plastering at your lips as you did a small nod.

"Sure," you finally said the word you've been meaning to respond to the lady from the past.

And, "What's your name?" you finally asked the question you've been meaning to ask the mysterious pianist ever since you heard him play.

[btawizzle]

Who is Your Role Model? - Night Thought

According to Wikipedia, A role model is a person whose behaviour, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, especially by younger people.

Speaking of role models, who is your current role model? Is it one of your Family or relatives? When it comes to young people, they tend to look up to their closest surroundings for inspiration. But it's also common to see someone that don't have any relation with, such as a celebrity, Athletes , influencer and many more!

Now if you ask me, who is my role model? I must say I am very eager to answer the question.

I honestly don’t have a solid answer, like if there one’s life path that I want to copy. But, I may have a more interesting answer for that one. Here it comes!

So, my current role model is Brian Harold May, CBE, PhD, FRAS a.k.a Brian May from the band Queen!

Yes! It’s the same Brian who goes around the world for Queen's tour, as their guitarist. Did you guys know that he has a PhD degree in Astrophysics? Imagine being a music genius who does a world tour but can manage to earn a Doctor in Astrophysics.

“Accomplished Astronomy student Brian’s PhD studies were stalled when a musical career superseded. The following four decades have seen Queen amass a staggering list of sales and awards with a catalogue that consistently tops popularity polls and sees Queen remain the most successful albums act in UK chart history. Brian has penned 22 Queen top 20 hits, among them the powerful ballads ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’, ‘No-One But You’ and ‘Save Me’, along with anthems ‘The Show Must Go On’, ‘I Want It All’ and ‘We Will Rock You’.

He retains his keen passion for Astronomy and after a 30-year break returned to Astrophysics to update his doctoral thesis on the Motions of Interplanetary Dust, achieving his PhD from Imperial College, London, in 2007.” (source: brianmay.com)

Isn't that amazing? Ugh, I am dying to be as cool as him!

When it comes to the “dream I wish to accomplish” in the future, I can't say I have a concrete answer like “opening a bookstore” or “being a dentist”. There’s too many ideas that come to my mind when we talk about it. Even though I felt anxious about it, being the one who doesn't have a concrete answer on their future life plan, Thinking about Brian May literally lifted my spirit up and banished my worries about the thought!

He proves to us all that we can do more than the society ask us to, we can be successful and have a lot of fans and a lot of upcoming tracks to think about but can still manage to do what we want to do, another thing that we also love doing, such as studying Astrophysics!

Don’t stop doing what you love to do , guys!

Enjoy your life and cherish every moment that comes by.

ps: Brian and I are both cancer!! we have matching sign!! ((hope we have matching energy tho, #cancerians ))

[woozi]

i agree how you described twt, sometimes everyone's just ready to fight it seems, i've genuinely had fun on both platforms at different times but now it's just too much on stan twt (no space for difference of opinion djsjdjj) it's good to know you're having fun as well :3 & omg i've seen few of my moots starting to give svt their attention after fallin flower dropped, everything abt it is <3333 the song, mv, choreo i love it.

hdjdjddkdjdj " virgos 😐 " also me in next breath "happy birthday mark :D i love you so much 🥺💕💗" any virgos reading this i really hope you enjoy your month to the fullest djjdjd <3. righttt?? you're correct abt mark's temper being very virgo djdjdkd.

your line screams hard-working people <3 jihoon, jaebeom, jeonghan the 3Js <3. isn't jaebeom also an infj? (i don't take mbtis seriously but at the same time it also makes me happy if it ends up matching someone i like djdjjd) chan & yugs 🥺 these two imo have the sweetest personality, like the one which makes you feel welcomed & they also have the cutest laugh 🥺.

i love jus2 <3 focus on me is one of my favorite kpop mvs of all time & also drunk on you??? i love this song so much, very sexy of them. the vibes, style and everything w/ their album, i want more songs like that. and for when i am feeling melancholy i need more songs like jjp's verse 2 😭💔 but i am also okay if they don't want to go back to these units bcoz everything so far they've been giving is just as great <33 ( maybe in future we'll get blessed w/ features 🥺)

honestly g7 as grp and individually have won me over with their music style, even if i don't like full album ik there will be 3-4 songs which will be exactly what i like to listen to, all of the music they've released individually i've liked it so much. there is this song of youngjae's, titled "i'm all ears" i had no idea of its existence until it popped up in my spotify i'm so glad it did, it's been in my playlist ever since. there was also a time when i was obsessed with jackson's 'on the rocks' djdjdk.

aww <3 the live performance video of 1° has mark as thumbnail so for long time i used to associate this song with him jdjddk. i think the only j*pe thing i'd miss is got7 studio live sessions 🥺. RIGHTJDKSKS aju nice's mv is very cute djjddk I love it, in reality its reverse tho, i see them and boom! 💖💛💗🤍💕💙

it was the year they won first bb*as award so that gave them the exposure, and no i don't follow them anymore. mixed feelings abt them, very negative feelings abt f*ndom fjdjdjd. i do miss what it used to feel like liking them sometimes. at that time i never thought i'll willingly drop them from my interest (i've stanned zayn since 2012 first him as grp member then solo. sometimes thinking abt it gives me a whiplash hddjks it's been 9 years, really thought it would be same with them too but it didn't happen)

i've had falling in love by yugs and in to you by jaebs on loop for days djdkdk i really love these two songs and also air by bammie <3 (i'm slow jams kinda person djdjdk :3)

(bam released the most fun album & title this year idc abt others, ribbon is one of the soty) also special mention of look so fine & running through the rain. yes! you do make sense they feel organic & very them.

exactly 😭 it's more believable when they drop stuff out of nowhere like encore 😭😭. the way youngjae posted his letter on twt too ddjjdkssk the announcement & release of encore is such a 'you just had to be there' situation the excitement, nervousness, confusion and everything 😭 sometimes i can't with them. also is the bibi with mark on ost, the same one you mentioned in last ask? the ost is really good <3, it must've been fun to see it happen (if its same bibi).

making a whole ass playlist just for me???? 😭😭😭🥺💗 yza you're so sweet nooooo 💖

and don't worry abt replying late jdjdkdjd i mean it, sometimes my friends text me after weeks and i'm am the same. it's really okay <3. i hope this week is treating you kindly, take care yza - 🪂

p.s ( just saw last post djjej) - it was me who manifested more bunny dino <3 manifesting even more <33

i was on stan twt during my younger years too and it was v fun and memorable to me ngl <3 idk what happened though.. it's evolved to be.. Something Else.. i still see a lot of good people there though 😭 and now that i'm in my Hag Era... idk it's just too fast for me now 😭 it's still my go-to place for updates though nothing can top twitter on that dept

and ms fallin flower.... i feel like everyone was blown away by it (based off of what i see carats when talk about it) and rightly so!! she SERVED. the looks too oh my god. it's another factor i look forward to and enjoy so much when i watch their performances!!

u know what? virgos 😐 indeed KJJKDFJKFDJKFDKJ i want to slander virgos today because it's their season and no one slanders them that often so <3 ABOUT MARK'S VIRGO TEMPER THOUGH... i know i've said i enjoy seeing it sm but whenever i think abt it i cant help but say that.. I Love His Temper <3 he doesn't get pissed off in a scary and douchebag-y way it seems so... contained?? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT he punched an a/c though so that might not be the perfect word to describe him lmaoo <3

THE J TRINITY HFDJFJDJHDF BESTIE UR MIND IS SO!!!!!!!!!!! honestly... maybe it's the acts of service for me <3 JKDFKJFDKJFJKD i think this is just my eldest sister and savior syndrome speaking though kfjkdkjf ALSO OH MY GOD THE WAY U NOTICE THESE THINGS <3 THAT'S SO SEXIE OF U!!! and yes he used to be an infj!! there was an interview that's more recent wherein he mentioned that he's now an enfj though but i cant rmb which interview it's from :/ ALSO MOOD FKJJKGJGKF i dont believe in mbtis too but im just... a little obsessed w it for the fun of it all <3 and the way u described them </3 what if i tear up a little </3 I LOVE CHAN'S LAUGH SO MUCH BUT IM SO SOS O GLAD U BROUGHT UP YUGYEOM'S LAUGH??????????? IT'S NOT TALKED ABT ENOUGH LIKE...... HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! one of my bird moots said he sounded like a schoolboy in choir 😭😭😭😭😭😭

GOD UR TASTE!!!!!!! what if i start falling in l*ve a little :/ what then :/ focus on me was ahead of it's time and people fucking slept on THEM i cannot fucking believe this. this has to be some kind of sick joke 😭 ALSO HAVE U SEEN THE CHOREO FOR SENSES!!!!!!1 INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!! holy fuck!!!!!! sorry for the expletives but like.... holy SHIT they did THAT!!!!!!!! ALSO UR SO RIGHT </3 jjp verse 3 when... ALSO did u know i let go of the jjprojects url... thats the worst mistake of my life KDKJDSKJDSJK also agree wholeheartedly <3 i think they're all trying to find their footing this time around as soloists and im so proud of them for that!! i'll stand by my jus2 agenda though bc they're almost in the same company so maybe.. i might have hope left 😭

SO TRUE BESTIE!!! the same principle goes w svt for me as well <3 got7's such a flavorful group musically like... all of them have the capacity to go solo and they're still considered flops.. waht the fuck <3 ALSO OMG FJDKJFKFJD YOU'VE HEARD The Song!!!!!!!! maybe he'll be releasing something along those lines <3 esp now that he's supposedly coming w an album KJSJKDJSK on a similar note.. do u also listen to jamie (the other artist on the song) <3 NOO SHUT UP THIS CANNOT BE FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i was obsessed w on the rocks too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT WAS MY FAVORITE ON THE MIRRORS ALBUM HELLO??????????????????????????? im proposing to u rn

ok now i have to watch all the live vids again JKDSJKSJDKDSKJ ik keep saying 'ur so right', 'i agree', and 'so true bestie' but im gonna have to say this again bc i LOVE LOVE LOVE live sessions sm no matter the artist. i also just am a little partial to live bands in performances like that in general so JDJKKDSJDS

the way you're saying these cute things abt the svteenies.. </3 giving me heartache!!! i'd bully them though i can't coddle them anymore <3

not the fandom JKFDKJFDKJFDKJFKJF ok but i think it's mostly their younger fans tbh. it wasn't this bad before.. i also really liked bts during their debut days. their songs were really good!! i kind of lost interest though and couldn't really get into them although their songs slapped lol. my irls are still into them though so i still hear about them. 9 YEARS............................... wait oh my god it HAS BEEN a little over a decade since 1d was The Thing huh 😭 now i feel kinda old lmao. and i totally get that feeling </3 it really do be like that sometimes JKFDJKJKFD

you really ARE keeping up w the sevens oh my god how are you doing it!!!!!!!!!!! it's like getting svt content now at this point but more complicated bc u need to get the updates from different sources JDKJSDKJJSKD love ur song choices too <3

ALSO FULLY RELATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i saw bam's teasers... the aes was my cup of tea and THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't fucking get it out of my mind it's objectively one of the best things i've seen from kpop in 2021. i'm super impressed <3 love how abyss really supported bambam on this. they really went all in for him!!

I KNOW GKJDFJDK I GOT SUPER ???????/// DURING THE TIME EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY WERE DISBANDING LMAOOOO they pulled a move that's so unheard of though no one really expected That. i respect jaebeom so much for handling all the paperwork and shit behind the scenes it must've been HELL!! ALSO IT MEANT I CRIED FOR NOTHING THEN 😭😭😭 AND YES OH MY GOD IT'S THE SAME BIBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SHOCK I HAD WHEN I SAW THE LIST????????????????????????? thought i was gonna black out like,,, mark,,, AND BIBI??????????????? she's fucking phenomenal how is she just a YEAR older than me.. INSANE!!! ... and i also thought jackson was gonna have an ost for this movie.. idk why it wasn't released though i didnt look into it :/

i had a rough few days so i'm not yet finished with the playlist (my laptop's Dead i am still trying to revive her and uni's starting soon 😭) but for the mean time, here's another one that some people from caratblr previously asked for JDSJKSDJ these are mostly english songs though its not my k-playlist KJDSKJSDJK

i do hope this week gets better!!! and i hope that you'll have a fun one too <3 thank u for being so patient w me 🥺 i just get so many messages and find the need to recharge FDKJDFJK

ALSO I FELT LIKE IT WAS U!!!!!! OH MY GOD, i even searched my blog for the word manifest but for some reason your ask didn't come up in the search so i didnt mention u in the tags so i wont misattribute if it ends up not being u 😭 thank u for manifesting this chan for me he's my little... hop hop now ig... 😭

[needtobreathe-throughsmoke]

By James Shotwell

Love is a rebellious act. Anyone can light a fire or throw a punch, but not everyone is comfortable being vulnerable. Love requires vulnerability. More than anything else, love demands that we position ourselves to be hurt over and over again. Some would claim that such decisions are a sign of insanity, but anyone who has ever known true love will tell you that it's always worth the risk. The warmth of a loving embrace is perhaps the most comforting force on this planet. To be seen and accepted for who you are rather than what you hope others believe you to be is the most empowering experience in life.

NEEDTOBREATHE understand risk. For the better part of two decades now, the South Carolina rock band has consistently challenged themselves and their fans to be more transparent. Their songs rip open every scar and suture we use to hide our weakest moments and worst traits in hopes of bringing understanding and empathy into the world. For them, building community is everything, and the only way to forge a foundation of lasting bonds is through unwavering truth. They ask listeners to find comfort in being themselves and demand they make spaces for others to do the same. As Kurt Cobain would say, “Come as you are.”

“Into the Mystery,” the lead single off NEEDTOBREATHE's eighth studio album of the same name, finds the road-weary group recommitting themselves to their purpose. It's a love song written for anyone who needs to feel less alone. Some will undoubtedly interpret the lyrics as a cry to Christ or God or some higher power, but I don't feel such connections are necessary. A savior is anyone or anything that reaches through the fog of fear and discomfort to make you feel like you belong. It's not about some physical form that rushes into bad times and saves you as it is a feeling you get when you know you can breathe easy, even if only for a moment. As the lyrics describe:

Love is not a cage, love is not a path

Love's a steady hand waiting for the storm to pass

You loved me then when you needed me

But will you still when it's not so easy

Growing up, I always idolized my grandfather. He was a Presbyterian preacher who spent most of his life doing good deeds for the communities that welcomed him. There was no potluck, fundraiser, wedding, funeral, or graduation party he would not attend. If someone lost their spouse, he made sure they were fed and cared for as long as it took for them to process their grief. If someone needed a man of faith to oversee their wedding, he was their man. He would put the world before himself and never think twice. For him, acts of service were his purpose. He knew that making people feel like they were a part of something bigger than themselves was of the utmost importance.

I remember countless days where I watched as my grandfather welcomed a revolving door of people into his home and office for the sole purpose of offering them comfort. I never really knew what they were going through, and I got the sense that he didn't either, but it didn't matter. People were suffering. They had money problems, romantic entanglements, demanding children, and unruly relatives. Some had received news from their doctors that things were never going to get better. Others didn't even know what was wrong, but they could not shake the feeling that nothing would ever be good ever again. Maybe my grandfather couldn't always give them what they wanted, but he gave them what they needed. Sometimes, just being there is enough.

You don't need God to believe in the power of community. A shared belief in an omnipresent being certainly helps create spaces where people can gather and share, but it's not a requirement. All that you need is a willingness to be vulnerable with strangers. To find within yourself the strength to accept others as they are and to admit the things you are not. If you can shake loose from the shackles of whatever lies you tell yourself to avoid getting to the heart of what makes you tick, then you can find yourself surrounded by others who feel just as lost as you, and through that shared understanding, beautiful things can unfold.

I don't know everything the members of NEEDTOBREATHE believe, but I know they recognize the tremendous power of music. Their songs are open calls to people in need of something. They are moments in time committed to tape for the sole purpose of providing comfort in a world of endless chaos and heartache. Like a letter from someone that you haven't seen in ages, "Into The Mystery" is a reminder that we are never truly alone as long as we have songs. We are always just a few clicks or gestures on a stereo away from feeling the sonic embrace of people who, like you and I, are doing their best to make sense of something nobody in the history of humankind has been able to comprehend.

To end here without acknowledging that sometimes a song or album isn't enough would downplay the sense of longing and isolation that many of us feel. When those times arise, I recall a passage from mindfulness leader Ram Dass that I recently had tattooed onto my right arm. He believed that what often weighs us down is our obsession over everything other than what is happening right now. We are worried about what will happen next week or overthinking actions from the past. Ram Dass found that the best cure for these moments of anxiety is to reset yourself. As he wrote in his iconic work Be Here Now:

Ask yourself: Where am I?

Answer: Here.

Ask yourself: What time is it?

Answer: Now.

Say it until you can hear it.

We control so very little of our lives that it is astounding any of us make it through any given day without total catastrophe befalling us. We are infinitesimally tiny creatures on a small blue ball suspended in infinite space that is constantly expanding. There may be life beyond our planet, but it doesn't matter because most of us don't even know our neighbors. We are painfully alone in almost every way you can measure such a thing, and yet our spirits endure immeasurable hardship because that is what humans have always done. The only moments of relief we get are when we gather and connect through whatever means are available to us. In those moments, we are fully alive in the present, and that is where I want you to exist.

We are sons and daughters

We are flesh and dust

We are pulled from the wreckage

We are not alone

We are lovers broken

We are vicarious dreams

We are tumbling in space out of control

Into the mystery

Into the mystery

If you feel alone right now, please know that I, too, will follow you into the mystery. Who knows? It may be the adventure of a lifetime.

A serious question

Someone recently asked me if I had any long-term goals for my newsletter. The question honestly left me a bit speechless. As much as I may have made a career out of writing, I have never been one to know where I was going from one moment to the next. The fact I've written nearly a dozen of these over the last year is nothing short of a miracle. I like to believe that I will continue writing for as long as I have thoughts to share, but I am genuinely surprised every time a new idea strikes.

I had to tell you that quick story so that you understood the following thought. I don't know what will become of this newsletter in six months or a year, but I want the stories and perspectives I share here to exist outside these emails. My solution is to gather together every essay I've written over the last 2 to 3 years and release them in a tangible, physical form. I want you to be able to hold my words close to your heart. I want to gather dust on your bookshelf.

With that in mind, I'm asking: Would you buy a collection of my writing? I know money is hard to come by for many of you, so I'm thinking of creating a zine or short-run paperback that will cost $10 or less. It's not about making money for me. I would probably donate the revenue to a nonprofit. As much as I want to make a career out of my creativity, part of me believes that communicating thoughts and ideas should be a pure act. If I start doing it for the money, then I've already lost my way.

So — let me know! Do you want a book of my essays in your home?

[morethanaprincess-a]

✽ ( he is very good at slowdancing, although he will claim to be garbage at it. don't listen to him, sonia. )

 Loving Interactions meme

While her grandma’s favorite songs played over the speakers of the music player, Sonia did the best she could to let the classic tunes fill her ears and her head. Nevertheless, as she sat outside on the balcony on a warm summer evening at home, all she could hear was her parents’ escalating disagreement that turned into shouting, clattering tableware, and slammed doors. For family dinners outside of the holidays it was a normal occurrence in Novoselic Castle, whenever her parents had to share a space for unofficial reasons for too long. But that night, as her parents bickered about upcoming appearances and charities that escalated into their respective lovers, Sonia was mortified for one reason and one reason alone: Nagito and his parents had to witness it.

She didn’t care that she was likely getting her teal chiffon dress dusty: instead, Sonia only pulled her knees closer to her chest as she leaned against the stone wall, chin resting atop them. Not even a dozen lively makangos, chasing each other throughout the gardens below and nibbling at the wild strawberries that grew during the season, could make her smile. What used to cheer her up as a child, Sonia knew, didn’t often have the same effect as she grew up.

Many of which she could attribute to Nagito. Having met as children at the wishes of their parents, she’d made her first true friend rather quickly during summers and holidays when the Komaedas would come to visit, bringing along their kind, yet peculiar son as a playmate for the Princess of Novoselic. A rare one that her parents approved of, something about being from the “right sort of family” despite the fact the Komaedas weren’t of Novoselic descent and carried no royal blood. While his parents both socialized with her own and traveled the globe, she’d introduced him to her country, her little world. From the supposedly haunted manors (where they most certainly trespassed: Sonia’s idea) to the Castle’s grand library (where they spent their punishments as well as rainy days: Nagito’s idea), over the years they’d played, practiced, and studied throughout the grounds. It was a level of familiarity and comfort she never found among her peers at In Utero or even their shared school of Hope’s Peak, Nagito had been made privy to her entire life: from royal festivities to royal family disputes. Not that it had necessarily been hidden from him or his family: anyone intimate with the Royal Family knew, but never spoke of, how the King and Queen had precisely two things in common: doing what was best for the country and loving their daughter. But they stayed together, throughout ruined birthday parties and Christmas dinners, for the sake of the country’s reputation. Divorce was already deeply unpopular among the citizens, but a royal divorce simply wasn’t done. Not when it made a mockery of the makango catch, one of Novoselic’s most esteemed traditions.

Away at school, it had been easier to distract herself. She could attribute him to that, too: invitations to his family’s home, accompanying her on her first trip to an amusement park, or even just a treat off-campus and a promise not to look at her mobile for entire duration. But at home, there was little escape from how empty, how cold, the grand castle felt during such painful times. The best she could manage that night was her grandmother’s music collection, given to her before she passed for her favorite method of distraction before she’d met her closest friend: listening to music the Queen Mother had grown up with, hits from America and Europe from decades past, and dancing wherever the she and the young princess saw fit to do so. Spinning in the empty ballroom or cutting a rug in the kitchens, wherever they could get away and her grandmother could carry in the CD player. Some of the darkest times of her childhood was made brighter by the likes of ABBA and The Beatles, and plenty of pop, rock, R&B, and more that came from across the ocean. For years, she’d been the one Sonia went to when her parents were too much for her to bear but after her passing right before Sonia began at Hope’s Peak, even her rooms in the Castle were no longer a refuge.

All Sonia had now was her music, the track switching over from an upbeat rock song to something slower. Something soulful from when the former queen had been a teenager that she’d told Sonia, at the time, made her heart aflutter. Shuffling to her feet, Sonia tossed the handkerchief she’d been dabbing at her eyes and began to sway to the familiar song. 

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we’ll see

It was easy to dance to, no matter how ludicrous it looked. The sparkling sound of the orchestra, the bass, the triangle and the scraping sound of a metallic instrument Sonia couldn’t place all blended into something anyone could tap their foot to, move to…

…or hold hands to.

She’d closed her eyes for just a moment, able to find her way back to her grandmother’s rooms once more, the day she’d heard the song for the first time and had been assured that, no matter what, she wouldn’t be alone and she’d stand by her. Her familiar hug and understanding smile had been nothing more than a memory for years and she only listened to that particular song alone. Until now, as he’d found her and woken her up from her memory to the present with his hands holding hers.

“Nagito, I…I just needed to leave the table after it all happened. I’m sorry for worrying you,” She explained, pulling one hand from his to wipe at her cheeks. Hopefully he couldn’t tell she’d been crying, but Sonia highly doubted it. There was little she could hide from him.

But it hadn’t deterred him. While she wanted to ask if his parents were looking for him, for them both, for polite apologies and anything to smooth over the jagged edges of her parents’ scathing words to one another, Sonia never had the chance. Instead, Nagito had pulled her to him with the hand he still held before wrapping both arms around her waist to sway along with her. It wasn’t a dance that was particularly refined or glamorous, but neither was she right now. It was more of a hug, held tight against his chest, while rocking back and forth, but Sonia’s arms found their way around his shoulders. His frame blocked the french doors back to her bedroom and thus the rest of the castle: for a few minutes at least, the only world she would live in was one of summer breezes, a starry sky, and him.

I won’t cry, I won’t cry, no I won’t shed a tear

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

With his jacket gone, she felt far less guilty about resting her head on his shoulder, near the base of his neck, as her still-damp eyes and cheeks soaked into the linen of his shirt. As the wind tousled her golden hair behind her, she didn’t know why her eyes, normally so blue and sparkling, remained red and puffy. She kept crying, but if it was due to her broken family or how she wanted to remain on her balcony in his arms for as long as she could, she couldn’t truly say.

Against her, she listened to him say something about his dancing skills being nothing short of garbage. Nothing unlike the usual he tended to spout about his skills and while Sonia never skipped a beat in reassuring him that trash was always treasure to someone, it wasn’t until that moment that she meant every word.

“No…your dancing, it’s perfect. You’re perfect,” She sighed, her hands gripping fistfuls of his shirt to pull herself ever closer against her best friend, far closer than any friends would and should touch. Sonia had a new problem to contend with: under the clear night sky during their final summer break as Hope’s Peak students, she finally understood that Sonia Nevermind, Princess of Novoselic, was hopelessly in love with Nagito Komaeda.