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#dont give them attention its all they want
uzurakis · 2 days
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megumi and yuuji falling asleep on the reader (pre dating era or established relationship) and the others teasing the reader abt it bc everyone knows they're in love <333 have an amazing day ahead bb 🫶🏼
DOZING OFF ON YOUR SHOULDER . .
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featuring: fushiguro megumi. itadori yuuji. gojo satoru. yuuta okkotsu.
n. thanku for your req nonnie ^v^ i added other characters cs i dont wanna waste ur idea, most of these are pre-dating and gojo’s part took place when he was still in hs with the rest. hope ya like it !
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ITADORI YUUJI
the soft glow of the tv illuminated the room as the four of you huddled together on the bed, engrossed in the movie playing before you. yuuji sat beside you, his eyes glued to the screen as the plot thickened. you couldn't help but steal glances at him, his features softened by the flickering light.
as the movie reached its climax, you felt a weight lean against your shoulder. you turned to see yuuji, his eyes closed in peaceful slumber, his head now resting comfortably on your shoulder. nobara noticed and couldn't resist a playful grin. "well, well, looks like someone's found a comfy pillow," she teased, nudging megumi with her elbow. megumi chuckled calmly, his gaze switching between you and the screen. "seems like itadori’s enjoying the movie a little too much."
you felt your cheeks flush at their teasing, unsure of how to react. "he must have been really tired," mumbling, trying to hide your embarrassment.
nobara only gave you a wink, "or maybe he just wanted an excuse to get closer to you." subsequently, you gave her a playful stare, hoping to deflect the attention away from you. "you're reading too much into it, kugisaki."
despite your attempts to downplay the situation, the thought of yuuji sleeping near you made you feel warm. as the movie went on, you found yourself stealing looks at him, unable to shake the fluttering feeling in your chest.
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FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
the four of you were alone with just the gentle hum of the engine as the car moved through the peaceful streets. megumi sat beside you in the backseat, his eyes heavy with sleep after a long day of exorcising curses. whereas infront of you, yuuji and nobara chattered away, their voices blending into the night air.
the man leaned against you, his head drooping lower and lower until it finally came to rest on your shoulder. you couldn't help but smile, feeling the warmth of his breath against your neck. "looks like someone's had a long day, hm?” you whispered, gently shifting to make him more comfortable.
yuuji turned to look back, a sly smile growing on his face. "aww, how adorable both of you!"
nobara then laughed, delight glinting in her voice. "looks like he finally warmed up for you."
"shh, you'll wake him up!" you said to shut them up.
but it was too late. the sudden burst of light from nobara's phone camera flash flooded the car, causing megumi to jolt awake with a start. he blinked owlishly, confusion written all over his face as he realized where he was.
"sorry guys," nobara said, trying to contain her laughter. "but i gotta send this to gojo-sensei.” yuuji immediately chimed in, continuing nobara’s teasing. "they’re so over once he sees this photo."
megumi's cheeks flushed a deep shade of red as he straightened up, rubbing his eyes sheepishly. "i-i didn't mean to fall asleep," the words jumbled from his mouth. you reached out to gently squeeze his hand, giving him an understanding smile. "it's okay, megumi. you needed the rest."
he glanced up at you, his eyes softening with gratitude. "thank you.”
with a contented sigh, megumi settled back against you, his head once again finding its place on your peaceful shoulder.
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GOJO SATORU
gojo sat next to you on the train going home whilst geto and shoko stood across. the man beside you leaned back against the seat as the train lurched into action, his eyelids getting heavier by the second. before long, his head tipped just enough to rest against your shoulder as he fell into a quiet sleep.
geto raised an eyebrow at the sight of you both, a knowing smirk playing on his lips. "if i were you, i’d shrug him off. right, shoko?”
“that’s mean, suguru,” shoko chuckled softly, rolling her eyes. "it's like they planned it all along."
"it's just a coincidence, guys," you stammered, embarrassed by their words.
geto chortled, shaking his head in amusement. "sure, sure. we believe you." then shoko slowly leaned closer, whispered a penny of thought.
"although, i have to admit, you two do look pretty cute together."
you shot her a glare, trying to ignore the redness spreading through you at the thought of gojo sleeping beside you. "damn, you guys really gotta stop with the teasing."
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OKKOTSU YUUTA
the soft rustle of leaves filled the air as yuuta and you lounged beneath the shade of a grand oak tree, its branches swaying gently in the breeze. you felt yuuta's head slowly come to rest on your shoulder.
but you and yuuta’s moment of peace was soon interrupted by the approach of familiar voices. maki, inumaki, and panda emerged from the nearby path, their laughter echoing through the clearing as they spotted you both.
maki surveyed the sight in front of her, knowing what to tease already, prodding inumaki and panda with her elbow, "can you really be asleep that fast?" panda added his cheery voice and inumaki nodded in accord. "maybe he’s just pretending to—."
your eyes darting between them in an anxious manner. as you objected, trying not to look embarrassed, "hey, tone it down.”
but maki wasn't convinced. with her usual grin of mischief, she stepped forward and gently shook yuuta awake. "come on, sleepyhead. you can't just doze off on someone like that." yuuta blinked groggily, his eyes adjusting to the sudden light. the man glanced up at you, a smile spreading across his face as he realized his position. "sorry about that," he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
you couldn't help but laugh along with them, the warmth of the friendship washing over you as wondered, did he really fall asleep that easily though?
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@uzurakis — rqs are open <3
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Geo x reader
Regarding SOL
You became friends with the group after crowe brought you in, at first you and geo didn't have anything going on, but somehow, he developed feelings— and it seems like he isnt the only one.
NOT PROOFREAD (this is under the assumption that geo knows about hyugos crimes)
The first meeting;
Geo wanted to get close to you, but he honestly struggled. So he opted for just being by your side and helping you out. He heard of solivan brugmansia all too well, afterall the rumors regarding him are very well known to those that heard of him.
But, did he care? No, not really. A rumor about some random student he didn’t interact with didn’t matter to him, besides, people spread false rummors around constantly. He wasn't intrested in finding out the truth behind the rummors. Until, he had realized you acquainted yourself with him.
It was after class, you and your friends were out in the hallway pondering where to hang out. Before you spot hyugo and sol. Youre unsure wether to not to bother them as they seem deep in conversation. However it seems hyugo could feel your eyes on him. His eyes locked with yours, and you take that as an opportunity to wave at him. Thus, he waves at you in return. Sol notices and his demeanor changes, a smile tugs on his lips and he gives you a dreamy look. A blush faintly noticeable on his face.
Geo looks away at his phone to seek out the subject of your attention— hes surprised, and certainly not pleased.
His brother.
Were you friends his brother? Out of all people, hyugo? And that guy— why is he looking at you like that? You dont seem to have any special feelings towards him, youre waving to him like you would anyone else. That begs the question, what are you to him?
He goes in your direction to get your attention. he taps you on the shoulder, and just like how its supposed to be, your attention is on him now.
"Huh?" you asked, curious as to why he uncharacteristically sought your attention. While you didn't know much about geo, there was this weird feeling emanating from him.
He takes a quick glance at his brother and that black-haired boy with him, and hes surprised to see the tall male with a deathly glare in his eyes, targeted at him— and also his friends. His eyes were ugly, blood red. Is that why hyugo befriended him? Because blood is somthing hes used to, right? Whatever it was, he immediately took a disliking to that man.
"brit wanted your input". He focused his attention back to you.
"O-oh yeah! How about the garden? I have a key for there." Geo gave a pleased look.
"Lets go tell her then". And with that the two of you turn your backs to sol and hyugo, heading closer to the group. Geo takes one last good look at the two boys. Unfortunately for him, he accidentally makes eye contact with his brother.
"OH MY GOD" Hyugo moves towards you and geo.
"SUBARU" eyes littered with excitement hyugo approaches him
"Shit..." geo begrudgingly accepts his fate.
—————
It seemed Britney, jess and deryl were the most amused at the scene hyugo had caused. They were pestering geo while hyugo took that as an opportunity, as sol's wingman.
"Oh- sunny and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out wit-"
"[name], cmon, Britney's waiting" geo interrupts
"Oh yeah!- uh" you look back to hyugo, and sol, eagerly awaiting your answer, hoping you leave that purple haired prick and spend time with him instead. "Sorry, im hanging out with geo and our friends, uhm, ill talk to you guys later!". You frown, and wave bye to them as you head for your friends.
Later, in the garden, you sit next to geo. Curious of his relationship with hyugo, after all they are brothers and you’re friends with them both! isn’t that nice?
“You’re hyugos brother? what’s he lik-“
“He’s not my brother, forget what he said in the hallway, I don’t want to associate myself with him.” He interrupts, shooting you a glare before his gaze softens. “He’s…” he pauses, recollecting his thoughts. “He’s just dangerous to be around.”
“How?” he looks away as you ask.
“Things you don’t know, he gets into shady shit” he redirects his gaze back to yours, “[name], for your own sake, and safety, don’t get involved with him… or his friend.”
“Solivan?” You question at the mention of sol
“Brugmansia?” If his memory is serving him right, then he’s not good news.
“Yeah that’s his-“
“Especially him, both of them, stay away from them.” He thinks back to the hallway and the look in sol’s eyes. One of putrid hate and murder. Maybe, those rumors were true”
“That’s hard to do, I’m in a class with them— although hyugo never attends, and I’m sols partner for an art project.”
“Then don’t make conversation with him, only do what needs to be done for the art project, once it’s done, never talk to him again— or hyugo” he instructs you, for now at least. He’s thinking about what strings he could pull to change your art class for a different period, one without sol or hyugo. If he had to play dirty to keep you, and his friends safe, he’d play dirty as hell.
“Okay.”
I don’t wanna go too deep because I wanna wait for days 3&4 for more lore and info, so I’ll probably wait and do other stuff
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aita for flirting with my online friend 🌐❓
i (20s, trans man) have been getting closer to my online friend (same as me). we were mutuals for a while in what i can best describe as an online writing community but only started actually talking last year when i approached him to do a project together. we've been pretty strictly platonic for the last year but this year it's ramped up a bit (in part i think due to greater proximity)- we make a lot of sexual jokes at each other. now that's not necessarily a big deal because we do it at other male (and not male in his case) friends of ours, its just sort of how our circle interacts with each other, but it's a bit different for me because i do actually have somewhat of a crush on him. i'm not super sure of how he feels towards me, but i do think he knows at least partially how i feel and is at least humouring our banter.
now here's where i feel like an asshole. i have no intention of dating him at all- even if he does like me back, the reality is that we live on two entirely separate continents and neither of us have the financial means to go see each other. now you could suggest we date long distance or online but i've done that like 4 different times now with 4 different people and i just know it doesn't work for me, for a variety of reasons i won't get into. just trust me when i say it would end poorly. i'm not on speaking terms with any of my exes (nor do i want to be, bar one) and my friend is important enough to me that if we ended up like that then i'd be really upset about it. usually when i break up with someone or am broken up with i'm left with a lot of resentment and bitterness. plus our writing project would be tanked, which i'm not willing to jeopardise because i think it's excellent, he's a great partner.
in addition to that i'm only a few months out of a pretty rough breakup with someone i also had viewed as a close friend (irl, not online). i'm not conflating them here, because they aren't alike whatsoever, but i worry that im using my friend as an emotional rebound to cope with what my ex did to me, even if he doesn't know it. i don't want my ex back and i am honestly still feeling a lot of anger towards him, so it's been nice putting my attention and libido elsewhere. however i know how shitty it feels to be someone else's rebound guy and would hate to do that to my friend. plus i could be stunting my own healing progress?? idk
it initially was just a bit of fun but i've had to privately and seriously talk myself down from getting jealous as fuck when my friend has had other people jokingly (or not jokingly, who knows) flirt with him. i'm a pretty intense person (hi, bpd) so i've been trying to reign myself back and keep things chill and funny between us but i'm getting kind of concerned whether i should stop entirely so my feelings go away or if im fine enjoying giving and being given attention in return, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. even just liking him is kind of breaking three of the rules i'd set for myself after my last few relationship disasters (no more online stuff, no more white boys, let my brain cool down and dont be interested in anyone for at least a year) so i kind of just don't know where i should be taking this if anywhere
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moreausturtles · 3 days
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"the orange sun in the blue sky"
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a/n: hi guys this is a rly rly old weirdly made draft that I made during my rly bad hyperfixation on the rise movie; i thought i might share it with y'all bc im somewhat proud of it? pls dont mind any mistakes i wrote it in a rush i think...? gl to everyone reading hahaha lmk what u think pls dont be mean
summary: leo and mikey are the only ones alive. they finally defeat the last of the kraang, but at a cost.
warnings: unchecked + unedited weird bullet point format; slight mentions of death/blood; one swear word?; very angsty and sad sorry :((
word count: ~1k
(imagine FINALLY defeating Krang 1 as a mission success)
- the baja blast duo fight the krang, lots of hard hits and close calls and they have the LUCKIEST breakthrough.
- krang 1 is on the ground and no longer able to move, all its tentacles are severed. its hanging on by a thread, one that leo is more than happy to cut.
- “this is for my family.” leo whispers, looking down at the krang in disdain.
- he jabs his sword into the krang's body under his foot, killing it in one motion.
- and just like that, it was over.
- leo takes a moment to breathe, like his body wasn’t letting him before.
- he allows himself to think, to process, to take in the fact that they had just won the war.
they won.
- a small smile grows on his face and a quick rush of excitement takes over his body
- “we did it…” he whispers, “mikey, we did it!” he repeats it, a part of him still in denial and acting like saying it again was going to convince him that the worst was over.
- but the worst was far from it.
- he turns around to mikey excitedly, who he thought was just quiet because he was just as shocked as he was
- but boy was he stupidly wrong
- mikey stood there, a hand on the side of his plastron with blood dripping from it then to the ground
“mikey…?”
- he tries to give leo a smile, but fails as his body drops to the ground
- leo’s heart drops along with him, he calls out his name and runs to him quickly and takes him in his arms
- mikey, even before his mystic powers, always had this signature orange glow radiating off of him. but this time, leo was afraid it was going to become very dim very soon.
- leo took his baby brother’s head in his hand—he didn’t care if mikey was fucking older than him (hc no thanks to his excessive use of mystic power), he was still his baby brother
- mikey needed medical attention fast. but they were in the middle of nowhere. no medical team. no backup. no hamato.
- “we did it, leo…?” mike manages to whisper out and smiled up at his older brother.
- “yeah buddy, we did…” the sniffling soon came as leo tried to fight back tears. he had known this would happen; could you really blame a guy whose family got picked off one by one during the apocalypse to think that way?
“i’m sorry, leo...”
- god, mikey’s voice shattered leo’s heart into pieces. so weak and trying.
- “hey,” leo uttered, trying to change the topic, “remember the time when you thought the gumbus was real?”
- this earned a very weak, wheezed chuckle from the mystic turtle, who had his eyes closed to visualize the fond memory
- “you did too…” leo laughed bitterly at that, feeling his little brother’s breathing pattern slow.
- “i did, yeah. it’s one of my favorite memories.” said leo.
- “mine too…” mikey opened his eyes, the memory ending, and looked up to see leo’s face drenched in tears. a pang hit mikey’s chest as he realized he was going to leave his brother soon.
- “hey, leo?”
- “yeah, miguel?” a playful nickname he hadn’t heard in years.
“you were always my favorite brother.”
leo laughed, genuinely laughed even though it felt like he was being stabbed in the chest tenfold.
- “don’t tell donnie or raph.”
- “i think they know.”
- both of them pause for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say or do. there wasn’t really anything else to do but wait. Each second leo spent trying to figure out what words he wanted to tell mikey. “I’m sorry.” “Say hi to them for me.” “Please don’t leave me alone.”
- mikey was his partner in crime and now he was just… fading. His little brother was dying.
- leo knew their time was running short from the way he was listening to mikey’s labored breaths. slow and trying. mikey thought about using his mystic power for one last push, to stay with leo, to make do with what was left of the world.
- they could rebuild it. it was easy for him to make things out of thin air. leo knows how to build and farm and haul and everything you could think of.
- but the mystic warrior was tired. they had been fighting for decades. he couldn’t lift a single finger even if he tried, and that was fine with him. he honestlyhadn’t felt relaxed like that in years.
- maybe they were better off not saying a word, mikey needed to save any air he could take in. leo kept his mouth shut just so he could spent just a little bit more time together in this bittersweet silence.
- suddenly he sees mikey’s lips open a little bit, and the next words that come out would forever leave leo wounded.
“I love you, big brother.”
- it took everything in leo to not break out in full sobs right then and there. he wanted to scream, beg, plead to the God that did this to mikey— if one even existed.
- leo swallowed the lump in his throat, forming the best—and last— smile he could muster for mikey, mimicking him the way he used to do it for him and his older brothers so they wouldn’t have to worry.
“I love you too, little bro.”
- leo’s little ray of hope slowly went limp in his arms. and he was all alone.
- leo kept mikey in his arms, still and unmoving. maybe it was his punishment for putting mikey in this whole mess. for destroying the world and his entire family. maybe a God did exist, it was just never in his favor no matter how hard he fought to appease it.
leonardo, the last one standing of the hamatos, defeated the Krang and lived, while mikey took his place in the sky as leo’s ray of sunshine.
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radiodust-heart · 3 days
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Was stuck in a day dream today about kid fics.
The hotel gang all being in lucifers elixer room when a potion falls and coats certain people.
Side a i was thinking about charlie and husker getting hit with the elixer and turning into toddlers. Angel imidiatly picks up husker and starts caring for him. Poor toddler had a hang over and was crying. His crying made Charlie cry. Both Vaggie and Lucifer struggled to get her to stop. After a few magic tricks charlie stopped but she was reluctent to stay still. Wiggling out if their hold and running around. Husker on the other hand was a biter and liked to break stuff.
Alastor loved watching the chaos till husker dragged him into it. Throwing his food at Alastor and Alastor making him cry with his fury. When ever husker cried charlie would to. And she wouldnt stop. Eventually Angel got involved and craddled her as he craddled Husker. Taking over and feeding the two, giving them a bath then lett lucifer have his daughter back. But lucifer wanted to be there for charlie and took his fustrations of her not liking him out on Angel. As they argued husker snuck into Alastors room. Climbing on his couch and throwing a book at him. Alastor was ready to hurt him when he remembered husker was a child. He then materilized a bed and started putting husker to bed. Sitting with him to read him a story. Angel came in after his argument. He sat down and they both ignored lucifer yelling about loosing charlie. A moment later charlie showed up and curled up in Angels arms. Calling him the fluff. The three passed out in Alastors bed and he relcutently settled down with them. After that Angel and Alastor took care of the two while lucifer made a reversal potion.
Side b angel gets hit with the elixor and the room begins to argue about whos taking care of him. In the chaos Angel slips out of the room. Running away. Once the crew settles charlie asks Alastor if hed watch angel and he agress, so long as theu find him. And theu all realize hes gone missing. Charlie and vaggie go looking for him as they send husker back to the hotel incase he shows up there. But its Alastor who finds angel, in an alley about to be torn apart by souls.
He tells abgel to fallow him and Angel curls up in the alley stating 'no one wants me. They were all fighting. Who has to take care of me. No one ill take care of myself' angel yells as he fights back tears. Alastor kneels to him offering a hand. Telling angel he'll take care of him. Angel accepts and they go back to the hotel. Charlie is in tears and vaggie is glad hes ok. But despite charlie being attentive angel is glued to alastors hip. Cooking with him. Sitting with him in silence. Even hovering by his door when its bed time. He plays all his games around Alastor and narraritos somw truely imaginitive stuff. Often making Alastor the prince, or pirate love interest whos not really a love interest.
Husker who gets ropped into all the games makes a joke that little angel has a crush on Alastor and angel gets so emberessed he runs and hides. When theu find him hes physically upset at husker for outing him. Alastor cringes and states angel is much to young and he has to know that. But Angel questions what about his real self. Is he still to young or dos Alastor not like him. Alastor states its complecated but angel doesnt understand.
'I know you dont little one. But you will when you grow up. Jist becuase i dont have a crush on you doesnt mean i dont like you. There are times the real you makes me enjpy the moment' is all Alastor provids. Soon Angel is returned to his actual age and is now faced with the emberesment of what happend.
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ratongue · 1 year
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I can afford it just fine but why would I want to lmao I'd rather commission real artists :/ the characters all look the same, but sure think whatever u want bestie, ur art still sucks ass<3
teehee
this is so silly
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the-kipsabian · 4 months
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hiveswap · 4 months
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Im going to fucking throw up
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toastsnaffler · 6 months
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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hearties-circus · 4 months
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Oh g-d I've been withdrawing
#gamer txt.#i keep typong up posts and tags and delstinv them withoit thinking too much about it recentlu but k never usually dp that#theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them#because i want attention#and that scares tge hell out of me#how bad do i have to be to be this desperate for some sort of contact yet this scared of losing everyone eho moght give it to me#why am u rhis scared of people thinking im annoying ive been feleting needy posts for months thats not . like me#even when im bad im usually better than that i dont. i dont understand ahy this is different#hell i relapsed a few months ago and i couldnt bring myself to even say i cut myself again outright bc i didnt want to be bother#since when the hell have i put up the illusion of being ok on this blog why am i so comcerned#are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them?#g-d thats. yeah fuck no wonder my friends were insulted when i gave them a 6/10 for 'ppl i would talk to if i had issues'#that is insulting#and whats worse is that its a lie#6/10 should be over half i should tell them my problems about half of the time#i dont do it. ever#and usually thats not too bad because i unload wverything here anyways but now ive stsrted stopping kyself frkm doi g thst#i want help and attention and to stop being so svared but im too scared to ask for those#i had to drag myself out of bed to make rhis post bc if i left it till morning i wouldnt do kt#also thats why all the typos btw no glssses its dark and i stsrted crying at some point#i dont know if its just how ive been feeling lateky or if theres some truth to it but i feel like my text posts have been getting seen less#im honestly kinda really twrrified im gonna wake up and no one will have seen this post and im just gonna pretend to be ok#bevause i would i think i would really just give up#i dont know what gl do#ive never been this scaredwithout a discernable cause before#ive stsrted cryung way harder andb u dont even know why#i think i think thats more or lees everything off my chest#im gonna try to sleep
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trans-estinien · 1 month
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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ishizizzle · 1 year
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nah the teen titans cartoon really stuck with me cuz I STILL TO DO THIS DAY remember when somebody (I think Cyborg?) told Robin 'winning isn't what's most important' and he said, "Yeah. It's just the only thing that matters." THAT STILL AFFECTS ME
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amberss · 6 months
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glassphinix · 2 years
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[ID: the “touching grass is not enough” meme of text over a flowery field that has been edited to read “touching grass is not enough, i need an update about the edge of sleep tv series.” end ID]
#the edge of sleep#teos#literally ive only listened to the first three episodes bc i struggle to find an excuse to listen to an audio drama#i dont really listen to podcasts. i turned on distractible while i was cleaning my aunts house cause it was good to have as background noise#but teos is a work of fiction it's a thriller/mystery/horror story that i want to give my undivided attention#and thats hard to do because my brain Refuses to stay on track if listening is all i'm doing#when i was into bmc i had to be reading the script while i listened to the audio bootleg or i wouldnt fucken stay concentrated#i only listened to it initially during a shift w a disability support worker bc we were driving and we had fuckall else to do#but 1. i dont always have the same worker and it feels rude to keep listening to a story halfway through with no context for them#and 2. from my understanding shit gets decidedly fucked up from ep 4 onward so its probably super not appropriate to listen to#in somebody elses fucking car#but i wanna finish it SO BAD i wanna be able to pour through the teos tag and talk about it with other people without getting spoiled#ive gotten spoiled on a Lotta shit just from reading the tvtropes page#auauufah im so torn between figuring out how to listen to it as a podcast or waiting for more info on the tv show#fellow autistic people do you ever do that thing where ur special interest is always some form of media but its prone to changing#so like every few months youre defined by a new fucking show or game or film or whatever#but Every So Often when ur between big interests u have a very short-lived (hours/days/week or two) but INTENSE obsession w something niche#yeah its like that#my brain is that little ms paint creature thing on all fours with pointy teeth and red eyes biting something in its mouth savagely#and the something is teos#internal monologue
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