#dragon age is a comedy

[shivunin]

Playing dao and my warden just said "my warden senses are tingling" when she entered a room ????

[herssian]

bring back anders this, brick back fenris that, where is alistair this, where is the warden that. how about you give me back nathaniel huh? huh? huh? nothing to say? thought so

[revvethasmythh]

it's been weeks and i'm still so compelled by the background storyline of hawke going to weisshaupt after here lies the abyss. like. it makes no damn sense. maybe if hawke has a living sibling who is a grey warden, you can twist the logic of it, but i did not have that and also hawke said she wanted to make sure corypheus died and neither staying in the fade NOR going to weisshaupt really accomplishes this goal. like there is NO reason for hawke to be up at weisshaupt, this is not in her lane, this is not her business, her skin is NOT clear, her crops are NOT watered. the wardens are not the responsibility of your Just Some Guy from Kirkwall who has potentially zero connections to the wardens at all except for that one time they super causally tried to use her as a blood sacrifice (maybe she and the first warden can laugh about it some day, but somehow i doubt it!).

BUT. but. the mental imagine of hawke going there and then her sibling (if alive) and her love interest ALSO going there, just to meet up with her, makes it so bonkers funny i don't even care if it doesn't make sense. wtf do you mean hawke family reunion relationship drama in the austere home of the wardens where they all show up and then the entire leadership of the wardens suddenly implodes as civil war breaks out and then their asses get STUCK there. wtf do you mean hawke inadvertently sticks her ass in the middle of yet another civil war while simultaneously having to patch things up with her LI and deal with a sibling dynamic at the same time. hawke can't catch a fucking break istg. it's just her, her sibling, and her LI as their own little three person party while some truly WILD shit goes down and the epilogues are all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about what happens other than like two lines that put the most insane images into my head. there's a sped-up video of this going down in my mind with the benny hill theme playing in the background. why does varric talk like hawke is still at weisshaupt during trespasser, which takes place two entire years after hawke was meant to go there to give a basic report and then dip. how is this THE most hawke thing to ever happen and we're just. told nothing more about it except that varric got One™️ message from her via an entire smuggling syndicate that essentially says "damn, shits crazy here" and that he assumes hawke will walk away from the building while it's exploding sometime in the near future because apparently the conflict there is not yet resolved. again, this is TWO YEARS LATER. like trespasser is fun and all but truly can we revisit wtf this was all about because WHAT

[valiantvillain]

Davrin being cocky and full of bravado just makes me hope all the more that he will turn wingman for whoever Rook's love interest is if they don't romance him. Just total flashbacks of Zevran giving advice to Alistair back in Origins. I just think it would be neat.

[vaguely-concerned]

as I am replaying origins -- a game which, to be clear, I love very VERY much -- I can't help but feel that people do don the rose coloured glasses on it a bit specifically when it comes to the range of dialogue options you're actually given to work with at any given time (something I've seen my fair share of silent vs. voiced protagonist discourse about over the years *smokes tired cigarette in survivor of a decade of DA tumblr*). like... there are a couple of situations where you're given a decent range of responses, but the vast majority of the time you have about three dialogue options, and often they're presented sort of like 'polite/bland/unprovoked near-cartoonish levels of assholery'. arranged like, y'know:

I am [BLANK]. It's an honor to make your acquaintance.

You can call me [BLANK].

How dare you speak to me. Fuck you and your family back five generations. I'm going to rob your mother's grave before your eyes.

(sometimes if you're real lucky you get the secret extra 'Something else/I'm bald/but I'm a dwarf!' option)

I'm not at all saying it's worse in that aspect than the other games (Dalish Inquisitor 'Who's Mythal' just entered the chat), but I do think it's worth considering that this might be a bit of a franchise original sin that has been present since the beginning, as indeed it is in most rpgs because making rpgs is real hard, and you notice it more with the dialogue wheel format than when the responses and questions you can ask are all laid out in a list together

[rairolin]

A sweet (EVIL) story of friendship 🎃💞🌟✨

[madame-helen]

The absolute state of Dragon Age.

[wheretheresawyll]

who else is doing it like them

[theluckywizard]

Kiss Me Moonstruck

Hawke x Trevelyan | DA2 | Matchmaking Mischief | Fluff and Smut | Fish out of Water | Romantic Comedy

At long last! I have begun publishing my 'distraction fic' Kiss Me Moonstruck, a romantic comedy romp set during Dragon Age 2, Act 2 between scrappy warrior Garrett Hawke and plucky noblewoman Rose Trevelyan. This fic happened when I overheard Leandra Hawke plotting to find Hawke a spouse right at the start of Act 2 and decided to run with it! New chapters weekly or biweekly (haven't quite decided yet) 💖

Fic Summary: Smashed together in a matchmaking scheme cooked up by their enterprising mothers, Garrett Hawke and Rose Trevelyan are forced to endure one another for a whole week over Satinalia at the Hawke Estate. Rose hears he’s a swashbuckling treasure hunter, as wild as he is handsome and as ill-bred as he is rich. Garrett suspects she’s a brat of an ingenue with a string of rejected marriage proposals behind her. Determined to prove to the other that they could not be less compatible, they quickly find their mothers’ plot might be working better than they thought.

I have loads of art of these two for my DA:I long fic, but not for KMM yet! But this favorite of mine is by @crunchyncrumbly 👇 and the one below is the favorite of mine that I made!

Chapter one excerpt below the cut 👇

The carriage winds from the outer gates through the undesirable part of the city, slowed by restive crowds who can’t be bothered to get out of the way. The unfamiliar livery of their carriage offers no additional incentive; indeed the teeming masses seem utterly unmoved by the finery of the vehicle. Rose counts derisive stares, supposing they’re envious of their fortune, the one passed down through generations. She wonders how they’d feel if they knew that her veins coursed with the same humble blood and whether it might soften the bitterness in their eyes. 

“I wish they would hurry up,” mutters Alsatia, fiddling with her delicate kidskin gloves.

“Oh I’m sorry, Mother, are the unwashed masses making you nervous?” asks Rose. “Didn’t you tell me that Leandra lived in these parts before her fortunes were restored?”

“Well it’s not as though she wanted to be down here any more than I do,” retorts Alsatia. 

“And wasn’t she a Blight refugee? From a humble life in Ferelden she chose for herself? I’m amazed you ever managed to become friends in the first place.”

“Hush, Rose,” says the elder Trevelyan, drawing her furs closer around her neck.

“It’s true. You can be an unbelievable snob,” presses Rose. “But maybe you weren’t so stuffy back in the day.”

“Polish up that mouth of yours,” she warns her.

“Or what? He won’t make me an ill-fated offer of marriage?” she asks. Alsatia’s frosty eyes land on Rose’s with a determination that matches her daughter’s flippant resistance. “Truly though. Isn’t he some sort of swashbuckling treasure hunter? I’d be amazed if he cared.”

“He’s richer than the Maker and an Amell and you will do your best to make a favorable impression.”

“I thought he was a Hawke.”

“The name doesn’t matter as much as the lineage.”

Rose slumps back and huffs a sigh. Aside from Alsatia’s industrious pursuit of an advantageous match for her daughter, she knows it’s all a clever plot to avoid her father’s family who descends upon Swinley House each Satinalia and treats her low-born mother with thinly veiled contempt. And now they’re off to see her old friend who suffers from a similar affliction: Leandra Amell had famously absconded to Ferelden with an apostate mage. The upper crust never forgets these sorts of things. Rose certainly knows that.

Read the rest of the chapter here

DAFF CREW

@warpedlegacy | @rakshadow | @rosella-writes | @effelants | @bluewren

@breninarthur | @ar-lath-ma-cully | @dreadfutures | @plisuu | @hekaerges

@ir0n-angel | @inquisimer | @crackinglamb | @agentkatie | @oxygenforthewicked

@about2dance | @exalted-dawn-drabbles | @blarrghe | @delicatefade | @leggywillow

[smak-annihilation]

*flutes playing*

THOU ARE LISTENING TO

*swords clashing*

104.5

*horse neighs*

REAL KNIGHTS OF VALOR FM

*peasant yells "hear ye! hear ye!"*

WHERE WE PLAY MUSIC NOT! LEST IT BE POEMS, POEMS, AND MORE POEMS

*cannon fires*

THIS BE NOT THOU FAIR MAIDENS STATION

*radioactive by Imagine Dragons starts playing*

[laurelsofhighever]

What's really weird is that Alistair doesn't get clocked immediately as Cailan's brother everywhere he goes, or at least given a lot of "hey, you look just like..."

Kings put their faces on coins. EVERYONE who has ever had money in Ferelden would have seen his face, or one that looks very, very similar. He has the Theirin nose, he has the square jaw - take away the differences in colouration and they would be practically identical.

Cue a lot of:

"Hey, you know you're a dead ringer for King Cailan."

"Yeah, I'm his secret half brother raised in the Chantry so I wouldnt cause any political incidents. Weird, right?"

"Haha, good one. Here's your sidequest, good ser."

And then the warden nearly throttling him when they find out it's true.

[adoribullpavus]

my favourite dragon age inquisition dialogue: part fifteen of many

varric edition

[rin-hanarin]

Dudeee I want to draw another rookanis I hallucinated at work but I have more work in the morninggg.

Ok so here's another episode of our Murder of Crows telenovela.

Spite takes over Lucanis' body to finally "talk to Rook", and Renzo isn't particularly eager because he wanted to catch up with Lucanis actually, so Spite decides to be, well, a spiteful bitch and do a little trolling. It goes "He doesn't even like you back, why are you trying so hard?", and instead of taking the bait Renzo just kinda goes through stages of grief and ends up on 🥹 this.

"Okay... I guess you would know... I didn't want to talk to him that much, actually..." and goes to the window to dramatically leap out of it or something. Spite freaks out because it takes the joke literally, Lucanis is going through it while trapped in his own mind head in hands like the babygirl man stock image, Renzo is pretending to be terminally heartbroken and wishing to end it all via jumping out of the window, but he's actually kinda hurt by the idea that Lucanis might genuinely dislike him and tolerates him because Renzo functionally is a leader.

The drama, the pathos, Lucanis takes his control back and is trying to drag Renzo down from the window, even though there's (probably) no fall damage in the Lighthouse, but only Renzo knows this because he's enough of a reckless dumbass to try.

Renzo, however, is also a gremlin and very much is not over Spite's little jab, so he goes "So you do like me back?", and it's the wrong question to ask Lucanis who's supposed to be the mature one between the two of them, but he's also awkward as fuck with any kinds of feelings and he's all "Well, I mean..."

So at this point Renzo is tired of this bit and done with this shit, jumps, lands on all four, doesn't respond when Lucanis tells him to wait, and then goes to annoy Neve and complain that Lucanis' shitty demon is bullying him. Neve is amused, but rubs some salt into his wounds, saying that she's not surprised, considering how much Renzo gets on Spite's host's nerves and that there are more mature ways to express his affection. Renzo says that those are boring and leaves to find another person to annoy, but he initially went to literally just spend some time with Lucanis, but met a demon instead and was disappointed. He decides to go to Bellara instead, and Bellara distracts him by dragging him around her lab and showing her new cool magical contraptions she made.

Lucanis meanwhile retreats to his brooding chambers to go through it again, and Spite is very, very quiet.

End of the episode :D

[deeproadsdarling]

Eamon: Anora, you're too biased to mediate this decision. Warden, you choose.

My Warden, in a relationship with the other candidate for the throne: Uhhhhh sure, okay.

[dragon--sage]

DIVA DOWN

[vaguely-concerned]

I love Origins very dearly, but sometimes when the camera dwells lovingly on just how ~*sick and twisted*~ the darkspawn are as they idk bite someone's head off or whatever for half a minute straight, I am overcome by the feeling that I am gazing into the unfiltered heart of someone's mid-2000s edgelord id. not... necessarily in a good way.

it feels like having a window directly into the brains of the boys in my class who watched lord of the rings and decided that the point of this story is that the orcs are cool as shit, and then someone decided that the only problem with that is that there just isn't enough sexual violence involved. frankly I wish they'd at least put up some curtains I don't need to know this about you bioware developer