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#drawing for myself only from time to time feels good
sleepy-gee · 2 days
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todd is a shy kisser. and neil loves it.
the small intake of breath followed by the tentative meeting of their lips. neil can hardly stop himself from smiling into it. and the way todd melts into it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
and don't even get him started on the look todd gives him. delicate doe eyes, poetry personified in a gaze alone. how he wished he could write about everything he saw in his eyes. so bright and clear, like the ocean. he'd swim in them if he could.. no, no. that sounds cheesy. scratch that. todd's better at describing beauty than he is.
he'll settle for observing such perfection. running his thumb along a plush lip, drawing out a shaking breath before going back in for another kiss. one not quite as shy. comforting. sweet. soft. and he won't be able to hold back his smile this time, pulling away with a small chuckle to regain his composure.
"neil," todd whines. "we only have a minute or two until we have to go.. c'mon.."
"i know, i know. i'm sorry." neil laughs again, not able to wipe the smile off of his face.
todd returns the smile, resting his head against neil's shoulder. ".. you know, for an actor, you're not good at keeping your emotions in check."
"oh, and you do?" neil drags his fingers through a few blond strands of hair. "what do you know about acting?"
"i'd say i'm pretty damn good. i keep myself composed whenever i'm around you."
"you can't say stuff like that and expect me not to kiss you again."
todd lifts his head up. "well? what're you waiting for?"
neil fixes his face and kisses him again. a little rougher. lips part and breath is stolen. when they pull away to breathe, both panting, he flashes that grin of his again. "now who's the bad actor?"
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galaxybooper · 1 day
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I promised myself I would try posting my edits on Tumblr, especially those I'm most proud of. So here's Cole and some headcanons I have for him!
Cole is Afro-Colombian-Chinese due to Lou being a Chinese surname and Lilly coming from Latin America. Colombia has the biggest African population in all of Latin America. (Also, I've lived here for 10+ years, so I'm hella biased.)
Smells like a mix of sage and pine
Cole is like Disney's Hercules. You get Cole not knowing why he’s been weirdly stronger than the other kids, and he’s been called a freak because of it. With his dad wanting him to be something he isn’t and these brand new powers, he feels lost, unsure of where he belongs. This doesn’t get better when he’s forced to go to the academy. So, he drops out and tries to find his own way. It wasn’t until he met with Sensei Wu that he finally got the answers he wanted. Understanding his powers, understanding a part of who he is, and, most importantly, starting the journey to understand where he belongs
With or without his element, he is very strong. I headcanon that he has a rock climber's body, but he also has the most muscles in the ninja team. I like to think Cole often lifts weights to help boost his super strength, which has come in handy when he lost his element before. Seeing Ninjago for the second time, I've noticed that when the ninja lose their element due to circumstances, Cole is still really strong. Like in Season 1, during the GD finale, when he threw a car at the GD.
Cole was the ninja team leader until Sons of Garmadon when Lloyd was mentally old enough to try the leadership role. I strongly stand firm to this because after Lloyd was aged physically by Tomorrow's Tea, there's no way he should have been the leader at such a young age.
Cole's hobbies include rock climbing, archery, dancing, drawing, and cooking.
Cole is actually a good cook. After Lilly died, he had to cook for himself and his dad for many years. The only reason his cooking fails is that people tamper with his recipes; thus, they don't end up so good.
In honor of Kirby Morrow (RIP KING!), Cole doesn't just like cake. His favorite is Ice Cream Cake, especially hot Fudge Swirl Chocolate Ice Cream Cake.
Cole, minus Zane, because he was homeschooled by Dr Julien, has the most education of the ninjas. He went to school for quite a few years extra compared to the others and went to the Marty Oppenheimer School of Performing Arts before he dropped out two or three days later. I'd like to think Cole actually liked school and learning, but when his dad forced the performing arts on him, his love for school was immediately cut short.
Cole would have gotten into an art degree if he hadn't been forced into the Marty Oppenheimer School of Performing Arts. He seems to really enjoy drawing and sketching.
Cole is hairy. He can't grow a moustache to save his life, but he has hair on his legs, arms, and chest. Maybe in his future, he'll finally grow something on his face but as of right now (not counting DR seasons), he can only dream of the glorious beard or moustache he will have.
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artofalassa · 4 months
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I'm drifting off to nowhere The past, an echo on my mind Home, I'm almost home...
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futurama · 1 year
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fleouriarts · 7 months
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feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole
#hivemind tv#riley savage#graydon weaver#hmfcu#quadeca#jane remover#eden burke#my art#2023#fanart#doodles#its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online#doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself#and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling#and come back and then the cycle repeats#its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard#so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)'#NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here#and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out#and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave#i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style#idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment#i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one”#or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it”#sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse#whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m#friends for a while i think#woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography
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snackugaki · 1 year
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tmnt au doodlz
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merry-finches · 4 months
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YAAAY TECH ISSUES RESOLVED!
HAPPY "SECRET" GIFT DAY TO....Mo!! <3<3<3 @lotrmusical
Where would we all be without you? :>
I'm so happy to be a part of this little fandom, everyone is so welcoming and joyful and skilled and friendly, gahhhh I'm never over it. And creative, oh my goodness, when I have half a moment to indulge in everyone's amazing creations I've caught glimpses of 👀
So please enjoy mine, I hope you love it :] 💚
I had entirely too much fun pulling from all sorts of places for the construction of this gift 👀 I... wonder... if they will all be obvious! Please do tell me what you spot :] (the invitation is open to all to yell with me always)
I think I managed to hit most of your likes list in one way or another ^.^
And a happy birthday to jirt too!
Heydey 🦵🦵🙌🧍(that looks deranged out of context someone take emojis away from me or get us better ones :D )
🌻🍃🌼🦌🐞🍀🐦🌸🐝☘🐞🐎🌼🍃🌻
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eggwishing · 3 months
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little peek at somethjing i am cooking up ...
#this is rlly rough but rn im just blocking everything out#i have like 6.5 pages sketched so far this is already going faster than last time i think..^_^#im having a blast also#im tryna rewire my brain . every time i think Blehhh i hate drawing i just want to see it done i gotta stop n correct myself#like Hey wait you actually love drawing why are you telling yourself this The process is frustrating sometimes but that comes with art#i had to redraw this one page like 4 separate times and i still didn't feel like giving up#like yeah i was feeling pressed but at the same time i was being patient with myself#like this is part of improving Stop laying on the floor and wondering why you're even doin this you've always loved it#only drawing when u know it's gonna turn out good defeats the whole purpose of learning#also i added cal last minute to this comic and im gladi did he's so creeepy#im very excited to get this done Not impatient like i was before#im impatient for people to see it yeah lol but not w myself#and im not gonna be all like “yeah we'll see how long this lasts lol” bc i think that's already setting myself up for burning out#i have hope that i can keep enjoying art like this I just need to change the way i think#and accept the messy n ugly. the perfect is the enemy of the good#aaron blaise really inspires me. he sincerely loves what he does and i want to be like that#this is also gonna be more comic-like Panelwise i think#scott pilgrim n my bro inspired me#also the way cal's face cuts off on the right makes sense in context he's peekin from behind a chair
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kirby-the-gorb · 2 years
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#kirby#hlvrai#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#poyo gordon!#(someone made this joke when I drew kirby in tommy's hat ages ago but I don't remember who)#(I'm actually also a writer - I used to write practically nonstop from middle school to college)#(then I took a couple years off)#(for like life reasons)#(then I gave myself like a 'get into the swing of things' project where I had to put out a chapter a week but that wasn't very fun)#(so once it was done I decided to only write when I feel like writing)#(which isn't super often! but that's also perfectly fine!)#(I like having a completely zero obligation outlet)#(I like drawing and crocheting and I do them cuz I like them)#(but I do have a little obligation to like. finish projects and post on time and stuff.)#(but I'm the only one who cares about my writing and that's a good thing)#(I finally got another thousand words down in an hlvrai fic I hadn't touched in 16 months)#(as well as rereading what I'd already gotten down before to smooth any continuity errors)#(I like what I have! the title of the word document is 'mom said it's my turn to project on gordon' lol)#(I've got a ton of other projects I'd like to work on someday)#(my brother accidentally dragged me into thinking about matt from death note again for example)#(I needed to reread death note for a really silly crackfic anyway)#(altho I guess my video editing is also 100% for me with no obligation since no one cares about that either lol)#(whatever the point is 1 I wrote some today and 2 it's good to have a hobby that's entirely just for you whether you share it or not)#(like I do post my fic when it's done I just have no investment whatsoever in anyone else ever seeing it)
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bmpmp3 · 8 days
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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cuteniaarts · 16 days
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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pl4n · 18 days
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#my art#ive been so jsvgjsnsndjbdjks#just a big ol jumble of kahsjdbskdhi#and i wanna draw more but im so uninspired aahhaah#i kinda wanna do some studies or smth but ahhhh idk i also just wanna lie in bed when i can#i so tire#but being lazy and bored is also so exhausting haha it feeds itself#so yeah itd be good to try to push myself a bit in my free time to do smth kinda fun chill engaging#its crazy bc theres so much that i could be doing but i have such a hard time being self motivated...#so outside motivation like work or friends is the only reason i do literally anything#which sucks bc i have a lot of things id like to be able to do on my own but yeah. idk why its so hard to do things for myself#that being said if anyone sees this and wants to do lil drawing challenges or trades or smth together that might be niceee#im sort of painfully shy online haha tho im not so much irl#i think the thing abt it for me is the feeling of creating these lil digital footprints#like if i send a message or make a post its just preserved like that... forever.. actually i recently looked at emails from my childhood#and its really cool to see a slice of the past like that but still. idk why it bothers me tbh. i just never got used to it#memories fade and warp over time right? so it really feels like existing in the world and talking to people is just a passing moment#it doesnt really feel that way w the internet. as small and insignificant these small imprints might be#and im really just being neurotic but yeah. maybe i dont like the feeling of taking up space and slowly widening it with every little step#yea thats neurotic fr LOLL#anyways im really rambling away in these tags haha but if ima post this art anyway its such a good excuse to ramble into a void :D#and a good way to practice existing on the internet. im sure ill get used to it
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qumiiiquinnquin · 6 months
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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moe-broey · 1 year
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Boots :)
Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(
Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!
#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.'#final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like#'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :(((('#i was literally never either of those things.#they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.)#but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO#and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself.#seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like.#look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them.#AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear#and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes.#just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth#but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school.#time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊#nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool#literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍#for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace.#i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes#'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't.#like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!!#<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA#anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny#and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later#i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language#til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly.#like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else.#UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO#also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this'#yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔#my projects
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20 years too late but I’m finally watching Hunter x Hunter. Just got through the exam arc and really hoping to see the opening actually happen.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#srry for the continued pause in scribbles ive been feeling not very good at all#idk something just broke in my brain after our last sampling trip idk y bc it wasnt that bad but when i got back#it was just a couple days of my brain being real crazy in terms of thought patterns. it still kinda continues to b like that#but idk i haven't had a session of hysterical crying today so maybe im on the mend. its weird i haven't felt this bad in a really long time#i dont even have the energy to complain about it its just no joy. burned streight thru that. bruned streight thru my desire to draw#i mean i still draw every day but its like shitty i dont have time scribbes bc idk it all feels so fucking pointless. and im terrible at#hiding how i feel abt things so my boss is like: maybe u should take a break this weekend i dont want u to burnout. like. lady we crossed#that bridge way back in March. u r speaking to a ghost. i just. i dont kno if i can stay here until like next july at least if not longer#and it sucks bc i kno someday ill look back and this time in my life will make me real sad bc im laying here choosing to make myself#miserable and i somwhere halfway across the country my mum has tumors growing in her abdomen. and i cant go home for Thanksgiving and idk#how long ill get at Christmas. not bc anyone is telling me i have to stay. my brain just wont let me do things. i just lay here in my#increasingly chaotic apartment not taking the steps to get refunded for travel expenses worrying over deadlines and agonizing over social#interactions. worrying about all the things my brain wont let me do that need to be done and not taking the steps to get better#its stupid and annoying and i know its only going to get worse when i have to start taking measurements in the lab#ive at least been practicing a lot of german tho lmao. someday ill look back like: lol remember when u got super depressed and filled the#void with learning german? literally today my dyslexic read the word albeit as aber and it was v disorienting#idk its just fun and i feel like im at least being productive. so yea idk when ill b able to post scribbles again#but i thought id at least post something while i had the energy i accumulated by taking with a happy Canadian lab group#maybe ill join them in a year idk idk decisions decisions and so many applications the cost of which is trying to dissuade me from#getting a tatt0o :-P ay ay ay live a little! pls i beg u. but no prob not. against the rules#unrelated
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